Active Family Magazine | December 2021

DECEMBER 2021

BEYOND DISCIPLINE FOR PRETEENS ULTIMATE 2021

GIFT GUIDE:

GIFTS

THE WHOLE FAMILY WILL

LOVE

HOLIDAY SPOTLIGHT: Teddy Bear Tea at the Ritz

Volume 8 / Issue 90

[ PARENTING ]

[ TRAVEL ]

[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]

Beyond Discipline for Preteens

Holiday Spotlight: Teddy Bear Tea at the Ritz

Alone for the Holidays?

6

10

Why Your Toddler Throws Tantrums and What to Do About Them

14

Hotel Spotlight — El Capitan Hotel

24

22

[ SEASONAL ] 2021 Family Gift Guide

Tuning In: The Best Audiobooks and Literary Podcasts for Practicing Gratitude

16

28

6 2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

10

24

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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area

Publisher/Editor

Social Media Manager and Sales Manager

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Trista Cambra-Flanders

Advertising Sales Director

Design/Production

Whitney Ignacio Whitney@activefamilymag.com

Teresa Agnew Craft

Travel Editor

Contributing Authors Dr. Laura Markham Carrington Smith Dr. Meg Meeker Amy McCready Elizabeth Kang Stratford Schools

Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com

Editor’s Note We’ve definitely had a lot to reflect on this past year, and plenty to be thankful for!

We hope that you are able to spend time with friends and family this holiday season. Perhaps a do-over from last year? We have all faced challenging times over the course of the last 18 months, and praying the worst is behind us! Hoping you can all take some time to relax, rejuvenate and gear up for the new year ahead.

Here’s to a very happy holiday season. May you and yours stay safe, happy and healthy!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com

4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

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[ PARENTING ]

Beyond Discipline for Preteens

by Dr. Laura Markham Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone.

You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

"What kind of discipline works for preteens? What I was doing before (consequences) certainly doesn't work any more. It seems to make him more defiant and rude, and we all end up yelling. He doesn't do his homework. All he wants to do is skateboard or play computer games with his friends."

The preteen transition is a tough one for most parents. Kids start to be heavily influenced by their desire to be respected by their peer group and that often conflicts with the standards we set at home.

Meanwhile, we lose the automatic respect that most young children feel for their parents, and we have to start earning it. Parents who rely on punishment to control their kids (including timeouts and consequences) realize in the preteen years that it no longer works. In fact, we learn that it's actually impossible to control them when they're out of our sight, which they often are.

Many parents worry that they have to raise their voice constantly, but their influence is still waning. Unfortunately, if we've relied on punishment, we've

6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

[ PARENTING ] neglected to lay the groundwork that will insure that a

connect, give foot massages and connect through her

preteen "acts right." That groundwork includes a strong

passions, for instance by listening to her music with her.

parent-child relationship so the child really WANTS to

You can't hope to have any influence if your kid doesn't

cooperate, and doesn't want to disappoint the parent.

enjoy being with you.

It also includes empathizing with feelings so the child gains the ability to regulate his emotions, which lets him

3. Help your child develop good judgment by reflecting

regulate his behavior.

on her actions.

Questions work infinitely better than lectures.

Unfortunately, conventional parenting, which includes punishment, actually erodes the parent-child relationship

• "What were you wanting to have happen when you did this?"

so the child is less motivated to cooperate. And

• "Was there some part of you that said 'Don't do this'?"

punishment doesn't help children learn to regulate their

• "What got into the way of you listening to that part of

emotions, so they have less self-discipline.

you?"

• "How did that work out for you?"

By contrast, kids who aren't punished, but are instead

• "How did it work out for other people involved?"

lovingly guided to make reparations and solve problems,

• "What else could you have done?"

are earlier to develop internal discipline and a strong

• "Right, you could have done X...how do you think that

moral sense.

would have worked out? What would have happened then?"

So it works a lot better to just begin with respectful, positive guidance right from the beginning. That raises

4. Resist threats and punishment.

preteens who are respectful, considerate, responsible,

Self discipline develops when the child CHOOSES to give

self-disciplined and delightful, right through the teen

up what they want for something they want more. What

years.

do they want more? To follow your lead and have a good relationship with you. So focus on the relationship

But what if you've been using punishment (such as

instead of punishment.

consequences) and your child is now ten and acting disrespectful? It isn't too late, but you have some

What about "giving" consequences? That's punishment.

catching up to do. Here's how.

"You should have done your homework last night. Next 1. Start by committing to model a respectful tone.

time I see you doing a rush job in the morning like this,

If you're yelling, stop. Really. Kids lose respect for parents

you lose your screen time that day."

who yell, so you have less influence. They also learn that yelling is how to express emotions and solve problems, so

This parent is concerned, naturally, about her child. But

they yell, too. It's not necessary to yell to get your child's

this approach has some unintended consequences.

attention if you have a good relationship.

First, the child feels controlled, so she's more likely to rebel against you. Second, she doesn't end up taking

2. Focus on strengthening the relationship

responsibility for her behavior -- she just gets mad at how

...so that when you set a limit ("Homework before screen

unfair you're being, and blames you.

time!") or express an expectation ("We speak civilly in this house") your child wants to cooperate. Make sure

What if, instead, you empathized, asked her questions

you have one-on-one time with each child every day,

and "wondered" to help her reflect on the effects of her

in which you mostly listen. If your child is "too busy" to

actions?

DECEMBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7

[ PARENTING ] "I see you're trying hard to get that math homework

mean to his sister, he'll need to do some repair work on

done this morning. Not much fun to have to rush like

that relationship. If he breaks something, he'll need to

that, is it? It also means it's harder to do your best work

help pay for a replacement. But remember that if you

and catch your mistakes... Let's figure out a way for you

think up the reparation and force it down his throat, it

to finish your homework at night so you don't feel so

only makes sense that he'll reject it. Instead, let this be

stressed in the morning....."

an empowering opportunity for him to learn that we all make mistakes -- and we have the responsibility to take

The natural result of not getting her homework done the

action to make things better. It's like spilling the milk. We

night before is having to rush to do it in the morning. If

don't cry over it, and there's no blame or shame -- but

you can help her notice that effect herself -- instead of

we do have to clean it up when we spill it.

using threats and control, which will just make her rebel -- she's more likely to take responsibility to act on that knowledge.

7. Stop protecting your child from natural consequences.

When we worry about our child, we often intervene to protect her from natural consequences. So if your child

What if your child doesn't step up and handle himself responsibly? Very common, especially where screen usage is concerned. You'll probably need to make rules to limit screen time so homework can get done.

5. Agree with your child on non-negotiable family rules.

Discuss your family rules and make a written agreement.

Stick to the important stuff, like respectful tone, homework, family dinners, and screen time limits. At same time, discuss what will happen if rules get broken.

How will your child make a repair and restore your trust?

You'll find that when you discuss this in advance kids often volunteer heftier penalties, and thereafter are usually more motivated to follow the rules. One of the

can't seem to remember to turn in the permission slip for the class trip, you might want to help her brainstorm how she can remember when she gets to school tomorrow.

But if she forgets, she'll learn an invaluable lesson. Don't rescue her.

8. Be kind but firm.

Assume your child will test you to see if you're serious.

Stay cheerful while you keep enforcing the limits. For instance, be there during homework time and be sure your child stays on track with it instead of spending the time playing computer games with friends. If you have relied on punishment rather than helping your child

keys to getting preteens to cooperate is letting them

develop inner discipline, this could take some time

have some say in their lives.

(weeks or even months). But after awhile of enforcing your rule, it will become a habit, your child will reap the

6. Focus on teaching your child to repair her mistakes.

benefits of it, and he will begin to do it on his own.

Worried that your child isn't being "held accountable"?

This transition takes time and patience. But you'll end

Introduce the concept of reparations. This isn't a

up with a more cooperative, respectful and responsible

consequence (punishment) that you impose. This is

kid, and a sweeter, stronger relationship with your child.

when you ask your child what he can do to make the

That's a true gift any time, but especially before the teen

situation better now. For instance, if he says something

years start.

8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

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[ TRAVEL ]

10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

[ TRAVEL ]

HOLIDAY SPOTLIGHT

TEDDY BEAR TEA AT THE RITZ

by Elizabeth Kang It’s just so fun to dress up, hit the big city and get

proceeds benefit the Make-A-Wish Bay Area

a little fancy during the holidays, especially after

Foundation. This memorable holiday experience

the homebound-in-sweats routine most of us

will surely become a much-anticipated family

have experienced these many past months. This

tradition.

year, why not treat yourself and the little ones to a swanky tea party, complete with whimsical

The Details:

elves, gourmet treats, and hot tea poured by

Located in the festively decorated Terrace

white-gloved servers?

Room of the Ritz-Carlton, San Francisco, children and adults enjoy assorted tea sandwiches,

The Teddy Bear Tea, located in the always

pastries, sweets, and hot cocoa or tea (or

luxurious Ritz-Carlton, San Francisco, is the

adult beverages for grownups.) A variety of

perfect excuse to dress up, and head over the

entertainment is featured, including a magical

Bay Bridge to experience holiday magic in

gingerbread fairy, a whimsical snow fairy, an

the big city. Children adore this festive holiday

interactive magic show, and more, and each

event, and adults appreciate that some of the

child receives their very own teddy bear to take DECEMBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ TRAVEL ]

home, as well as a commemorative photo.

restaurant, Parallel 37. Book a “club level” room for access to unlimited food and drinks — always handy with

Tickets:

ever-hungry children-in-tow.

Be sure to purchase your tickets in advance for this magical holiday event. Tea times are 10 a.m. or 1 p.m. with seating times every Saturday and Sunday, running November 27 through December 19, 2021.

Lodging: Why not make a memorable holiday weekend out of it and book the Ritz-Carlton, San Francisco for an overnight stay after or before your Teddy Bear Tea?

Nearby Festivities: The Ritz-Carlton, San Francisco is centrally located right near many of the city’s main attractions, so it’s an ideal home base to do and see everything San Francisco has to offer. For additional holiday fun, go ice skating at San Francisco’s renowned Holiday Ice Rink in Union Square, and while there, enjoy the dazzling lights of the famous

This elegant hotel is situated in a prime spot in the Nob

Union Square Christmas Tree. Or perhaps see a world-

Hill neighborhood, located in an historic building that

famous holiday show, such as The Nutcracker ballet

dates back to 1909. Rooms are tasteful, spacious and

at the War Memorial Opera House. The Great Dickens

comfortable, and your family can enjoy a delicious

Christmas Fair is another popular holiday event, located

onsite breakfast the next morning at the hotel’s

in the Cow Palace Exhibition Halls.

12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

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[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]

For more advice on finding your way through difficult times, you can find Blooming on Amazon.

Carrington Smith is a single mom, attorney, business owner, and executive search professional.

Despite being born with a silver spoon in her mouth, life gave her a hard kick in the tail. She has survived sexual assault, two divorces, piles of debt, abuse, religious mind games, the death of loved ones, and the loss of close friends. In her debut memoir, Blooming, Carrington combines wit and wisdom to share her journey through the shit, with a positive attitude and a shift of mindset, into a life bursting with joy, opportunity, and purpose. A graduate of UT Austin and Tulane Law School, Carrington resides in Austin, Texas, with her two teenage boys.

Alone for the Holidays?

Strategies for getting through the holidays and helping others to do the same.

by Carrington Smith As a young professional, newly divorced, and buried in student loans, I remember calling my parents and crying about the prospect of spending my first Christmas alone. My father said that it would do me some good. He had a knack for that – taking the knife and twisting it in further. I was embarrassed that I didn’t have anyone to spend the holidays with, that I didn’t have the funds to travel, and that my family was so dysfunctional. Apparently, I give off an air of having it all together, always being surrounded by friends, a social goddess of sorts – but that impression – the story that others make up about me – could not be more wrong. And shame has kept me from pulling back the curtain and revealing how many times I’ve spent the holidays alone. The worst year was 2012, my kids were with their dad, and I had been spending the time constructively reorganizing closets, but as Christmas came to a close, my mother died, and there I was alone in my empty house bathed in tears. There are lots of people like me – too tired, too ashamed, too afraid of being pitied to speak up, raise a hand, and say, “please remember me.” So, this year, I’m asking on behalf of everyone else. Please don’t assume that your friend, colleague, loved one, neighbor has a place to go, a hot meal to eat, or someone to show them love. Instead, assume they don’t. Use the holidays

14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] as an opportunity to connect, express gratitude and

diminish your feelings, or engage in “toxic positivity.” Your

love, and be thoughtful.

feelings are real, and they matter.

With that in mind, here are some strategies for those

Have a plan. Understand and accept what the holidays

going solo and some ideas for those who want to

may mean for you. The holidays are a social construct.

connect.

Redefine what the holiday season means to you. It can mean whatever you want. Have a plan for your alone

Keep busy. I have too many bad memories associated

time. Plan a special meal, stock up on your favorite

with Thanksgiving, so even when I was married, we

bubble bath, pick out the show you want to binge

would order Chinese food the day before and eat that

watch. Plan activities before and after the holiday so

for Thanksgiving dinner. Whenever possible, I like to

that you have interactions with friends and events to look

meet friends for the Turkey Trot or similar events, where

forward to – even if it’s as simple as going for a walk.

I get exercise, see my friends in a neutral environment, and get some good endorphins. Similarly, the holidays deliver a lot of blockbuster movies, so I try to catch one with a friend if possible. Other years, I’ve been lucky to have a friend available to take a trip and use the time off to relax. If plans with friends don’t work out, I try to use the time constructively by tackling projects (like the closet), doing artwork, writing, giving myself a spa day, jumpstarting a New Year’s resolution, or binge watching that Netflix series that’s been on my list.

Take care of yourself. As joyous as the holidays are for some, they are the source of great pain and loneliness for others. Self-care is critical. Bottom-line: do what you need to do to care for yourself, set boundaries, and don’t worry about the judgment of others.

Take care of others. I’ve found that the best way to avoid feeling sorry for myself is to shift my focus to helping others. There is always someone who has it worse than you. And the quickest way to joy is by helping others.

Acknowledge cultural differences. Growing up in a dysfunctional protestant family, I envied cultures that had rich family traditions. I think it would be fun to participate in the Jewish holiday traditions, attend an Italian dinner, or participate in the rich Catholic Christmas traditions.

The holidays are a great time to reach across cultural lines and invite people to experience the richness of your traditions.

Things you can do for those spending the holidays alone First, understand that the holidays bring up so many emotions, so whatever you do or offer to do, respect others’ feelings, and give them room to opt out if that is what’s best for them. Instead of asking people if they have plans for the holidays (which can be a triggering question), say, “If you don’t have other plans, we would love for you to join us.” Always approach with the sentiment that there is no pressure to attend,

Think about your elderly neighbor. Check-in on friends

but we would really love to have you. Send a follow-

you haven’t talked to in years. Volunteer. Adopt a family.

up message so they know you are being genuine. If,

Offer to let your friends leave their pets with you. The

like many young professionals, they are stuck working

comfort of a pet can go a long way to getting through

through the holidays, have a meal, flowers, cookies,

the holidays.

some lux pajamas, or a gift basket delivered to them. For neighbors or the elderly who spend the holidays alone,

Avoid things that trigger you. For me, I avoid those

check-in on them. Leave a meal, a candle, a plate of

Hallmark Holiday movies. I also avoid drinking – I know

cookies, or a thoughtful note on their doorstep. And

it soothes many, but a glass of wine during the holidays

please don’t forget the single parent! There have been

can make me melancholy. Avoid “doom scrolling” on

many holidays where I did not receive a single gift and I

social media. Instead, focus on your vision for the life

know this is true for many single parents. Use the holidays

you are designing. Avoid friends and family that trigger

to acknowledge those you love and appreciate. Let

you because they don’t respect boundaries, avoid or

them know that they are seen and cared for.

DECEMBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ SEASONAL ]

ULTIMATE 2021 GIFT GUIDE: Gifts The Whole Family Will Love

by Amy McCready & Positive Parenting Solutions While it is our absolute joy to bring you a list of our favorite products, we may receive a small commission if you purchase products through some of the links on this page (don’t worry, this doesn’t affect the price you pay). But please know, even though we are constantly asked to review products, we only recommend products we absolutely LOVE, so you can trust that this list contains only our shout-it-from-the-rooftops favorites!

When gifts suit the giftee, there is no greater glee.

Now try saying that 10 times, fast.

It’s true, though. The best gifts bring joy to those who give and receive. And when a gift is truly loved and appreciated? It’s a gift that keeps on giving.

Parenting expert and “recovering yeller” Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…

The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling (Penguin, 2011.) Amy is a regular parenting contributor on The TODAY Show and has also appeared on Rachael Ray, CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Steve Harvey and elsewhere. In her most important role, she plays mom to two teenage boys. Follow Amy on Twitter @AmyMcCreadyPPS. For more information on Postive Parenting, go to www.positiveparentingsolutions. com/course-details

The problem is, finding ideal presents can take a toll on our time and add stress each holiday season.

We draw blanks brainstorming what to give extended family and shrewdly narrow down the gift list for present-loving kids.

We try our best to spend the same amount of money on everyone, without spending too much.

We want our gifts to be enjoyed, not unappreciated or wasted. (Thank goodness for gift receipts and gift cards though, right?)

AND, as parents, we try to spread love and fun–without the materialism that can come with it.

But whether we tend to purchase everything in July or shop frantically online the week before Christmas, the best gifts take careful consideration.

To help out, we’ve compiled a list of super easy ideas to save you some sanity (and a few brain cells) when choosing this year’s presents.

16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

[ SEASONAL ] GIFTS THAT ENCOURAGE FUN FAMILY TIME Family time should be about quality, not just quantity.

The last thing we need is to create more work for ourselves as parents.

And sometimes, family activities can be just that.

Instead, we’ve pulled together some thoughtful gift ideas for the whole family–all void of too much effort or extravagance.

INDIVIDUAL MIND, BODY, AND SOUL TIME GIFTS Kids love presents, but the truth is, the gift of time–from parent to child–is the ultimate present.

At Positive Parenting Solutions, we always highly encourage one-on-one time with your kids. We call it Mind, Body, and Soul Time.

We recommend this activity between each parent and each child for 10-15 minutes EVERY DAY. And while even this brief amount of time can be hard to set aside, it truly does help with everything from misbehavior to parentchild connection.

Our FREE ONLINE WEBINAR further explains why positive connection is so crucial, but it’s true: Mind, Body, and Soul Time is one of the best ways to make our kids feel loved and appreciated.

But beyond the fact that this attention is a gift in and of itself, it can still be wrapped up in a bow: Build-a-Fort Ages: All Ages Cost: $$$ HearthSong has a fun collection of Build-a-Fort kits that you and your child can build and rebuild to your hearts’ content. This can work as a larger group activity too! This particular set is sold on Amazon.

Chasing Fireflies Ages: 3+ Cost: $ Hide and Seek is a timeless, classic game kids love. With this fun toy, you can combine the game with cute, lightup fireflies and even hunt for the bugs alone.

Laser X Ages: 12+ (In our opinion, kids much younger will enjoy this game, too.)

Cost: $ Kids always like a fun game of laser tag. With this set, you can play one-on-one at home. Some also come in larger sets for the whole family.

FAMILY TIME GIFTS Since most of us are spending more time with our kids than ever before, why not make it as fun–and as sane–as possible?

Family Paint Night Ages: 6+ Cost: $-$$$ Painting To Gogh will mail paint kits to your doorstep. All you have to do is link to the tutorial when you and the fam are ready for your paint party! Recommended for kids ages 6+.

Escape Room Ages: 10+ Cost: $-$$$ Escape rooms are an excellent source of entertainment, especially for older kids. They help families work together and problem-solve. Check this link to find an escape room near you and look for a family-friendly challenge! You can still wrap this by printing out a gift certificate or handwritten coupon detailing the experience. Or, for a family night in, purchase an escape-room-in-a-box kit, which are plentiful anywhere games are sold.

TableTopics Ages: All Ages Cost: $ Family dinners are always a wonderful time for families to connect. But if it’s been a long day for us parents, or the kids don’t feel like sitting, we often need motivation and icebreakers. There is also a teen edition.

Family Adventure Challenge Ages: All Ages Cost: $$ This is a book that takes family activities to an awesome new level. Families scratch off an adventure together and must complete it before taking on the next challenge. This is a great gift from kids to their parents, too!

Board Games: Family game night can’t be beaten. With a little set-up and patience for the rules, these board games deliver good, old-fashioned fun. Here are our favorites: Ages 2-3+ Acorn Soup The Sneaky, Snacky Squirrel Game Ages 5-6+ Outfoxed Invasion of the Cow Snatchers Ages 10+ Catan: Family Edition Educational Gifts That Kids Still Consider “Cool” Educational gifts can be purchased for Mind, Body, and Soul Time, family activities, or solo play.

DECEMBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17

[ SEASONAL ] And sometimes, we really want kids to cherish their individual time–without the screens and while doing something educational.

Of course, when we do encourage that solo play, it’s important to find age-appropriate toys to eliminate frustration for everyone.

Mindful Buddiez Ages: All Ages Cost: $$ Calming techniques are an important part of a child’s emotional education. These adorable, interactive stuffed animals help kids manage big feelings (while offering a soft, warm cuddle).

Subscription Boxes Ages: Varies Cost: $-$$$ Kids love receiving packages not just once a year, but once a month! KiwiCo offers monthly science and STEM subscription kits for kids ages 3-16, while MEL Science is for ages 10+ and includes virtual reality science lessons. You can also purchase single kits through KiwiCo. Unofficial Minecraft Lab for Kids Ages: 8+ Cost: $ Minecraft is an uber-popular video game, but getting our tweens off the screen is always ideal. According to this book’s description, “you can balance your child’s screen time with real-life learning and interaction.”

IlluStory by Lulu Jr. Ages: 4+ Cost: $ You can nurture your child’s love for storytelling with this book-making kit.

Crayola Color Chemistry Lab Ages: All Ages Cost: $$ This is packed with science experiments suitable for all ages.

COOKING CLASSES Ages: 2+ Cost: $-$$$ In-person cooking classes or their virtual counterparts are always excellent for a budding, food-loving chef. Plus, your child can learn to cook for the whole family! We absolutely LOVE Kids Cook Real Food eCourse if you want to get your kids helping in the kitchen..

Telescope Ages: All Ages Cost: $$$ A life-long love of astronomy–even philosophy–can come from a telescope. According to the brand website, the FunScope is “A great first telescope for beginners and families to test the waters of stargazing at an affordable price.”

18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

My Comic Book by Lulu Jr. Ages: 6+ Cost: $ This is a similar kit, with an additional focus on artwork.

LEGO Technic Ages: 7+ Cost: $-$$$ For kids ages 7-8 and up, LEGO Technic will get your children’s mechanical gears turning.

GIFTS THAT INSPIRE GRATITUDE As we all know, the holidays have become a time of excess. And while this is fun and exhilarating for kids and parents alike, it can also create feelings of entitlement.

Yes, we train our kids to say thank you for the gifts they open, especially in front of the loved ones who gave them. But sometimes, the sentiment isn’t there. And it’s not necessarily because they’re ungrateful.

Kids are simply conditioned to receive and to expect each holiday, without much afterthought.

One battle tactic is to purchase fewer gifts–or even just one–that may have more meaning to our kids.

We can also purchase gifts that instill gratefulness:

[ SEASONAL ] Time Capsules Ages: 4+ Cost: $-$$$ Encouraging kids to think of something meaningful to them– which also represents themselves or their setting–is one of the many advantages of a time capsule.

When kids have time to both reflect and consider the future, they learn about perspective. These suggestions will help you pick out a time capsule that you wrap, and they fill.

Just include a DO NOT OPEN UNTIL date! (These make great gifts again at high school or college graduations!)

Kind Kids Company Ages: 4-8 Cost: $$-$$$ Gratitude and kindness are interlinked. Grateful kids are more likely to spread kindness, and kind kids are more likely to experience gratitude. This company understands the value of teaching kids these essential qualities. You can gift kids either a single box or a monthly subscription.

REPURPOSED ITEMS Recycle and Remake Ages: 9+ Cost: $-$$ If our goal is to minimize commercialism and waste, we can repurpose trash and encourage our kids to do the same. This book does just that.

Outdoor Explorer and Bug Catcher Kit Ages: 3+ Cost: $$ A love of the outdoors and tiny insects will make kids more appreciative of the massive–and miniature–worlds around them.

The Ultimate Book of Scavenger Hunts Ages: 4+ Cost: $ This contains 42 outdoor hunts. It helps engage kids when they’re bored without their screens (the horror!) and instills a sense of wonder and gratitude for the great outdoors.

CLASSES & PRIVATE LESSONS Private lessons can come in any shape and size. They even come virtually!

From music to sports, these one-on-one lessons with an instructor deliver much more than one package ever could. They can inspire a life-long love of creative and athletic pursuits.

Anything that your child has shown interest in can be gifted as a private lesson. And gratitude for this gift will only grow as your child learns more and excels at something new!

Eco Stars Recycled Crayons Ages: 3+ Cost: $ Turn the purchase of recycled crayons into a learning lesson for your youngest kiddos, or even make your own!

Thou shall not waste!

LOVE FOR ANIMALS AND THE OUTDOORS WWF Donation Ages: 4+ Cost: $$$ With a $75 donation to the World Wildlife Foundation, they’ll send you three stuffed animals of your choice. It’s a great way to give while also getting something fun in return. But the true lesson, of course, is explaining to our kids that these toys weren’t just purchased for them, but for the greater (animal) good.

Music Lessons Ages: All Ages Cost: $-$$$ Music & Arts offers in-person and virtual music classes alike.

Sports/Fitness Lessons Ages: Varies Cost: $-$$$ Takelessons.com offers private lessons in sports and fitness.

TakeLessons.com Ages: Varies Cost: $-$$$ Not only does this site offer individualized lessons in sports and fitness as mentioned above, but it also offers lessons in languages and other academics.

DECEMBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19

[ SEASONAL ] HEIRLOOMS Ages: 7+ Cost: Free Handing down heirlooms is something kids take to heart.

The older kids are, the more meaningful these gifts can be. But younger kids can appreciate them, too.

Superhero Costumes Ages: 4-12 Cost: $ Playing dress-up never goes out of style and is a gift that encourages confidence and imagination!

You can even go through an old box of vintage toys you had when you were little and let them pick out toys to be fixed, re-painted, or enjoyed as-is.

Here are some other ideas: Heirloom Gift Ideas FUN AND FRIVOLOUS GIFTS (THAT WON’T ANNOY PARENTS) We’ve all had that doll that makes sudden, creepy cries in the middle of the night, and the high-pitched monotonous toy you feel the need to make “disappear.”

Let’s not forget the flashy, obnoxious, battery-eating toys that stop working after 5-minutes and leave us regretting our purchase.

Kids love these toys, though. They don the top of wish lists and catch their eyes at every store.

We’re bound to buy one or two–or a few–each season.

One idea is to save these toys, when they’re small enough, as stocking stuffers. That way we can keep more valuable and meaningful gifts under the tree.

But when we still want to wrap a few gifts for pure fun, here are some solid ideas:

Eco-Friendly Marble Run Ages: 4+ Cost: $$$ We’ll admit, this toy still has educational value and the marbles can get everywhere, but it’s a classic game that always sparks joy.

SoapSox Bath Plushes Ages: 0-10 Cost: $ These are also more than just fun. They’re functional. Your child can bring a stuffed animal sponge into the bath that cleans them and doesn’t leave a big toy mess for you to clean up. Awe.Some.

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Build-a-Bouquet Ages: 3-6 Cost: $ This sweet flower set made by Green Toys (from recycled plastics) helps kids create, build, and practice their gardening skills!

Hanging Solar System Ages: 3+ Cost: $ This is fun to both unwrap and hang in their rooms.

Flybar Pogo Ball Ages: 6+ Cost: $ Let kids expend some energy with this indoor/outdoor activity.

Little Live Pets Cozy Dozy Ages: 3+ Cost: $ Kids will love these cute teddy bear and koala babies.

They can play animal, house, doctor, and dolls with these nap-friendly, soothing toys.

GIFTS FROM KIDS (THAT THEY REALLY DID HELP WITH) We’ve all presented gifts on behalf of our kids.

When a gift tag says “To Mom, from Liam,” it’s probably really “To Mom, from Dad Pretending to be Liam.”

Because Liam’s only four.

Or, even more realistically, “To Mom, from Mom, Pretending to be Dad, Pretending to be Liam.”

[ SEASONAL ] Still, from an early age, kids can be encouraged to give thoughtfully.

The earlier they learn the joy of giving, the less they’ll want.

Really.

But how can a 4-year-old give something, at least monetarily? Well, that’s for each family to decide.

We can either encourage our children to contemplate and choose gifts while we cover the cost, or we can encourage them to use their allowance to budget for gifts.

WITH AN ALLOWANCE At Positive Parenting Solutions, we see an allowance as a fantastic financial training tool. We believe kids even as young as four or five can benefit from monetary management.

Ideally, an allowance isn’t just about spending. It’s about saving and giving. If kids do this successfully, they’ll have enough money of their own to spend on gifts.

It may not be much, but even a little can go a long way.

Toys for Tots Ages: 4+ (So kids grasp the donation concept) Cost: $-$$$ The well-established Toys for Tots is a great way for kids to consider those less fortunate. Children can choose a toy and donate it–all online.

4 Ocean Ages: 4+ (So kids grasp the donation concept) Cost: $-$$$ Buy a gift–some under $25.00–and help save the ocean!

For example, kids can gift moms, grandmas, sisters– anyone!–the beautiful bracelets on offer.

Indoor Curling, Golf/Pool, Shuffleboard, or Darts Ages: 8+ Cost: $$-$$$ Dad and Mom might both like these fun indoor options that encourage fun family time. Parents can even pitch in with the costs.

Starbucks Gift Card Ages: 4+ Cost: $-$$$ Kids know what picks their parents up–and contributing to that joy is something almost any child can afford with basic budgeting. Naturally, kids can substitute other options for siblings, grandparents, and the rest of their peeps.

SMALL GIFTS FOR SIBLINGS Ages: 3+ Cost: $ Many kids have just a few dollars to spend, but it’s impactful when kids remember not just Mom and Dad, but each other. One idea is to gift a LEGO-loving sibling a unique Minifigure. Another is to wrap some neon or glitter crayons.

WITHOUT AN ALLOWANCE Repurposed Toys Ages: All Ages Cost: Free We talked above about repurposing trash, but kids can also repurpose their toys to make new gifts for family and friends.

Used Toy Donations Ages: All Ages Cost: Free Kids can turn their excess into something valuable for another child.

A Helpful Activity Ages: All Ages Cost: Free When kids give presents, a little can go a long way. It may be unrealistic to expect them to make breakfast in bed for mom and dad on Christmas morning, but they could make a dessert for holiday dinner or clean the house after the presents are opened.

DIY Crafts Ages: All Ages Cost: Free Depending on a child’s age (and the type of craft), a DIY project may be something an adult needs to assist with. Still, if we let our kids choose the crafts and help substantially with the project, they will feel pride in a handmade gift. And the recipient will love the thought and work put into it.

GIFT EXCHANGES Many of us are familiar with the annual White Elephant or Secret Santa exchanges at work and at school. But kids will adore playing these games with family members.

They’re a clever way to receive a gift while giving something in return.

Secret Santa encourages kids to consider what others care about, while White Elephant teaches, “We get what we get and don’t throw a fit.”

Best of all, they’re both riotous fun.

FINAL THOUGHTS The art of gifting is legit–as in legitimately nuanced, thoughtful, impactful, stressful, and tricky.

Just remember that starting a tradition of substantial, meaningful gifting is the most priceless gift of all.

And everyone will benefit.

DECEMBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21

[ PARENTING ] Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician, who has practiced pediatric and adolescent medicine for 25 years. She is the author of six books including the best-selling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: Ten Secrets Every Father Should Know; Boys Should Be Boys; Your Kids At Risk;, The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity; Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: The 30 Day Challenge and Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men, (Ballantine) April 2014. She is a popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships.

Dr. Meeker is co-host and physicianin-residence of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk Radio. She is also Assistant Clinical Professor at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine and currently teaches medical students and physicians in residency training.

She is board certified with the American Board of Pediatrics and is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Dr. Meeker serves on the National Advisory Board of the Medical Institute. She has been married to her husband, Walter for 32 years. They have shared a medical practice for over 20 years.

They have three grown daughters and a grown son. She lives in northern Michigan.

Why Your Toddler Throws Tantrums and What to Do About Them

by Dr. Meg Meeker All toddlers throw tantrums. This is just how it is. Ages two and three (and four and older) can be some of the most difficult years of parenting because you are constantly dealing with your child’s seemingly sudden outbursts in the most inconvenient of locations, like the grocery store.

When dealing with your toddler’s tantrums, your goal shouldn’t be to stop your child from having tantrums. Tantrums are inevitable and a developmental part of a child’s growth. But you can work to curb your child’s tantrums so they don’t last as long, and you can get back to your grocery shopping, conversation, or road trip without your child derailing all of your plans.

The first step in curbing your child’s temper tantrums is to understand why she

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[ PARENTING ] has tantrums in the first place. (Hint: It’s not about what

she will explode more intensely when a tantrum comes.

she’s reacting to in the moment.) Generally, there are

So, now that you understand why your child throws

three reasons.

tantrums, what can you do about it? There are a few things, seven to be exact.

Reason #1: Control As your child gets older, she starts to crave control.

Because I hear from parents of toddlers so often who are

Perhaps you can relate? We all want control. It makes us

exhausted by their child’s tantrums, I decided to create

feel safe and capable. A toddler wanting control can

an online course all about tackling toddler tantrums,

look like her wanting to tie her own shoes, feed herself, or

entitled How to Stop Temper Tantrums.

not do what you tell her to do. When she sees she doesn’t have control, she loses it emotionally and physically.

This course provides seven strategies for shortening the longevity of your child’s tantrums so your child’s emotions

Reason #2: Personality

don’t run your day and you can get back to your life. The

Some children are just more prone to tantrums because

seven strategies are...

they have strong personalities. They are bull-headed, energetic, or strong-willed by nature. This isn’t a bad

1. Tell yourself it isn’t about you.

thing. In fact, I love kids with these types of personalities

2. Belly breathe for three minutes.

because they are the ones who are going to change

3. Leave the room.

the world someday. But these personalities in the body

4. Don’t speak.

of a two- or three-year-old, rather than in the Oval

5. Don’t tell your child to stop.

Office, can be very difficult. Know that if your child has

6. Know that this will pass.

these personality proclivities, he will probably have

7. Hold on.

more difficult temper tantrums or will have them more frequently.

I go into detail for all of these in the course, which includes a short eBook as well as instructional videos to

Reason # 3: Tension in the Home

talk you through your child’s tantrums.

If you are living in a home with a lot of stress or turmoil, your toddler will feel it. But she won’t understand it. The

Click here to download the course today.

tension in the home upsets her and makes her temper tantrums worse. We often think that toddlers don’t know

Tantrums are inevitable in toddlers, but no parent needs

what’s going on around them but don’t kid yourself. They

to live with perpetual tantrum-throwing. Download my

are emotional sponges. They see and feel everything.

course today and start learning how you can apply my

Tension in the home will cause her to feel on edge and

seven strategies to curb your child’s tantrums for good.

DECEMBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23

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HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: El Capitan Hotel

LUXURIOUS ACCOMMODATIONS AT AN UNBELIEVABLE PRICE

by Elizabeth Kang

Merced may not be near the top of your list of family getaway destinations, but trust us when we say, it should be. This cute “Americana” town is nestled in the lush Central Valley, and is an easy 1.5-hour drive to Yosemite, so it makes a great overnight spot on the way there or back. But even if you're not traveling to Yosemite, the town certainly has enough going on locally to make it a stand-alone weekend getaway.

The best part of Merced, however, is the gorgeous, pet-friendly and affordable hotel we recently discovered nestled right downtown — El Capitan Hotel. This Hyattbrand hotel features contemporary, luxurious designs, thoughtful kid-and-petfriendly touches, and most rooms are priced at under $200 (a steal for such a high quality stay.) El Capitan is a stylish and affordable respite is an unexpected locale.

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ACCOMMODATIONS With super affordable and stylish rooms, accommodations at El Capitan exceed expectations. Families can choose between spacious, themed rooms or larger suites. Our super cute and comfortable room had a contemporary woodland theme which was kid-friendly yet stylish and not at all kitschy like some themed rooms can be.

Rooms feature custom-printed wallpaper, rich textiles, pour-over coffee stations, and some even feature in-room record players, kid’s teepees, clawfoot tubs, and other unique touches.

AMENITIES Boasting an inviting, friendly staff that welcomes children, as well as canine companions, with wide-open arms, the warm service experienced at El Capitan is up to par with its great lineup of amenities. To that end, the hotel includes a 24-hour onsite fitness center, a 24-hour business center, multiple bars and eateries, free wifi, and stunning views.

DINING With two delicious onsite dining options and a third restaurant opening soon, El Capitan satisfies every appetite and palate, from picky eaters to refined foodies.

Native Son is a lively bar and eatery serving California-inspired cuisine, grab’n’go bites, craft cocktails and coffee creations. Here, diners can enjoy cold-pressed juice and fresh pastries for breakfast, gourmet sandwiches for lunch or a light dinner of burrata and salad for dinner.

Courtyard features a garden-party atmosphere with outdoor seating, craft brews, inspired cocktails and delicious light bites. Nosh on crispy duck26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

[ TRAVEL ] fat fries and a gourmet cheese board while enjoying house-made sangria or a local beer.

Slated to open in late 2021, Rainbird will feature a robust menu of chef-driven, regional dishes showcasing a variety of local and seasonal ingredients.

NEARBY ATTRACTIONS Right next door to El Capitan is Mainzer Theater, an old theater turned extremely popular restaurant. This hoppin’ spot is fun, delicious and kid-friendly and features crispy fried chicken sandwiches, huge, fresh salads, decadent milkshakes, and hearty breakfasts.

Families are welcome to play games, such as skee-ball, white waiting for their food, and the restaurant also features movie nights and fun movie-themed decor.

If you have an airplane fan in the family, do not miss Castle Air Museum, located just a few miles away from El Capitan in the city of Atwater. This military aviation museum boasts a staggering amount of aircraft, and teaches about aviation history in a fun, interactive way. Castle Air Museum is one of the largest aerospace museums displaying vintage aircraft in the western united states. It’s massive, so bring your walking shoes.

There’s also a great gift shop where you can purchase model planes, tees, snacks & more.

Applegate Park Zoo is a zoo located in Merced featuring picnic areas and a playground with native wildlife, as well as a few rides that are toddler-friendly.

This smaller-sized zoo is a great way to spend a morning

EL CAPITAN HOTEL +1 209 383 1234

or afternoon, and isn't as large or overwhelming as other big-city zoos, so it’s perfect for little ones and shorter time frames.

609 W Main Street Merced, California, 95340 DECEMBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27

[ PARENTING ]

TUNING IN:

The Best Audiobooks and Literary Podcasts for Practicing Gratitude

by Stratford Schools Discover new ways to practice gratitude while enjoying the learning benefits and listening pleasures of Podcasts and Audiobooks When we are asked if audiobooks are a good choice for our young readers, our reply is a resounding, “Yes!” Listening to good books read aloud has established benefits – both cognitive and in terms of convenience. The variety, overall quality, and availability of children’s audiobooks have skyrocketed over the past several years. There are wonderful audiobooks for children of all ages, narrated by high-quality storytellers, including, occasionally, a book’s author.

Children’s fi rst experiences with written text is in the form of narration – parents and teachers reading aloud to infants and toddlers. At some point in their progression, and even before formal introduction to phonics and decoding, children quite naturally begin to recognize certain words on the page. At all points in their “learning to read” journey, children benefit from listening to books that stretch their capacity to read, books that are at a higher level than what they can read on their own. Regular exposure to new vocabulary and more complex sentence structure is beneficial whether a child is reading from a page or listening to a narration. Audiobook narrators, who are often actors or other speaking professionals, model fl uent reading, with pacing and emphases that enhance the story and impact readers’ own oral reading fl uency, listening comprehension skills, and ability to visualize. Audiobooks can be a unique motivational tool for reluctant or struggling readers, especially if they can simultaneously read and listen to a book.

Finally, listening to an excellent book (or podcast) read by an expressive narrator is great fun! It is a wonderful family activity, and with earbuds and mobile devices readily available, it is a pleasurable personal activity and we hope, within the following, there’s something here for each and every one of you.

Preschool Little Stories for Tiny People Written and performed by Rhea Petcher Bear’s Big Sleep: A Thanksgivingish Story for Kids is one of the many short tales on this ten season long podcast site for young children. Stories can be sorted by topic, such as: Friendship, Big Feelings, Growing Up, and Life Changes.

Each story features characters like Sophie the Sloth and Strumbly Bear who learn life lessons as applicable to kids as they are to imaginary animals.

Children love the recurring characters as well as Rhea’s soothing voice.

The Sesame Street Podcast with Foley and Friends by Sesame Workshop, narrated by a full cast 28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2021

[ PARENTING ] Foley, the soundmaker monster, is the host of this highenergy podcast that will captivate children. Foley, along with all of the regulars from Sesame Street talk about subjects such as the importance of family, making friends, feelings, and understanding what it means to share. Elmo and Foley chat in episode two about being sad, feeling scared, and how having friends that make you feel happy makes a difference. Songs about emotions, attitudes, and friendship are sprinkled throughout this incredibly meaningful children’s podcast.

Kindergarten Winnie The Pooh: The House at Pooh Corner written by A.A. Milne, narrated by Judi Dench, Stephen Fry, and others This amazing collection of short stories which take place in the 100 acre woods are just about to become the same age as the forest in which they occur. The incredibly diverse group of characters take children through so many whimsical situations, all the while teaching them important lessons about childhood.

Perhaps the finest in all is the lesson that little Piglet, Pooh’s constant friend, has in one of his many heartfelt thoughts, “Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.” You and your children will never want this treasure to end.

Grades One to Two But Why: A Podcast for Curious Kids Hosted by Jane Lindholm This Vermont Public Radio podcast takes actual questions that kids have asked parents over and over and again, and uses the time to really answer them.

Some of the questions may seem silly, such as, “Why are Cactuses Spiky?” or, “Why Can’t Kids Vote?” Yet to a child, these are very important. There are also entire episodes dedicated to emotional or ethical issues, such as, “Is It OK to Break a Rule?” and, “Why do Things Seem Scary in the Dark?” Each episode comes with resources and a learning guide to deepen a child’s understanding of the lesson.

circumstance, young Jackson copes by spending time with his friend Crenshaw, an imaginary cat. This audiobook has a serious tone and enlightens readers to the fact that some kids lead a not-so-perfect life. The narrator brings the imaginary Crenshaw to life in a way that is relatable to children and provokes thoughts of gratefulness.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, written by L. Frank Baum, narrated by Anne Hathaway The story of Dorothy, her little dog Toto and the cyclone that took her from Kansas to the Land of Oz, has been declared by the Library of Congress as “America’s greatest and best-loved homegrown fairytale.” The selflessness of the motley crew that helps Dorothy find her way back to the home that she loves resonates more than ever today. Anne Hathaway creates a distinct voice for each character, bringing the book to life, and making this audio book nearly impossible to stop listening to.

Middle School The Unexplainable Disappearance of Mars Patel This Peabody award-winning podcast that is performed by a cast of middle schoolers begins with an elevenyear-old Mars and his friends awaiting the end of 7th grade. They hope to gain their entrance to the exclusive Pruitt Prep High School, founded by tech guru genius Oliver Pruitt. Then one of them suddenly goes missing.

Mars listens to Pruitt’s podcast daily, and finds clues and discovers that kids are disappearing all over the world.

Mars and his friends are seemingly normal, but they all have certain abilities or talents that get amplified as the story goes on. Listeners gain a sense that anyone could be a sort of superhero, and that friends who help each other are priceless.

Audiobooks and podcasts help turn idle moments into learning experiences and listening to one can enliven even the most mundane of activities – from doing household chores or heading out on a long car ride. In fact, we decided to publish our list of favorite

Grades Three to Five Crenshaw by Katherine Applegate, narrated by Kirby Heyborn Newberry Medalist Katherine Applegate conveys a magical story about friendship, forgiveness, empathy, and resilience. As a family deals with a stressful

audiobooks in time for the winter holidays. With a second nod to the holiday season, these selections lean toward stories that honor kindness, generosity, and gratitude.

If you are interested in learning more about Stratford School, or scheduling a personalized tour, visit us online at www.stratfordschools.com.

DECEMBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29

Our Team of Attorneys and Child Support Professionals Can Help: • Establish Paternity (Free DNA Testing) • Obtain or Change Child Support and/or Medical Support Orders • Ensure Child Support Payments are Received Consistently • Keep Full Accounting of Payments and Interest • Use Specialized Collection Tools