JANUARY 2022
TOP 12
REASONS to Visit Rush Creek Lodge this Winter
Helping Shy Kids Reach Their Full Potential
SPLURGE OR SAVE
FAMILY WEEKEND IN HALF MOON BAY
Volume 9 / Issue 91
[ PARENTING ] Ten Tips To Become a More Peaceful Parent
6
How to Structure Your Day to Feel Less Stressed
24
[ TRAVEL ] Top 12 Reasons to Visit Rush Creek Lodge this Winter
10
Helping Shy Kids Reach Their Full Potential
Splurge or Save – Family Weekend in Half Moon Bay
14
18
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Contributing Authors Dr. Laura Markham Dr. Christine Carter Amy McCready Elizabeth Kang
Travel Editor Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com
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Editor’s Note Parenting is hard. Parenting during a pandemic is nearly impossible. But here we are, all doing the best we can. As COVID cases continue to rise, it’s challenging to navigate the parenting path. Do we keep the kids in sports? Allow sleepovers and normal social gatherings? Or do we revert back to our extreme social distancing ways of the past? Who knows the answers, we sure don’t. All we can do is take it day by day, learn as much as we can and make the best decisions for our families. In the meantime, we will continue to provide ways to keep your sanity in-check, keep the kids busy and hopefully help in creating lasting memories for the entire family. Be sure to follow us on Instagram @activefamilymagazine and Facebook @ activefamilymag for plenty of helpful advice, travel ideas and ways to stay busy and healthy! Wishing you a safe and happy January. Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
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[ PARENTING ]
Ten Tips To Become a More Peaceful Parent by Dr. Laura Markham Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.
"One generation full of deeply loving parents would change the brain of the next generation, and with that, the world." —Charles Raison Peaceful Parenting has three interlocking components: 1. The parent commits to regulating his or her own emotions. 2. The parent prioritizes maintaining and strengthening the parent-child connection, which is the only reason children cooperate. 3. The parent loves the child unconditionally, rather than using "love withdrawal" or other punishment techniques to control and manipulate the child with punishment or rewards. Instead, the the parent sees him or herself as a coach, offering the child loving guidance so the child learns to manage emotion, and therefore behavior. This page gives you ten tips for practicing peaceful parenting instead of
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2022
[ PARENTING ] punishment at your house. If you're wondering whether
with empathy.
that's a good idea, the short answer is that punishment undermines your relationship with your child, makes
Of course you need to enforce your rules. But you can
kids feel worse about themselves (which makes them
also acknowledge her perspective. When kids feel
act worse) and sabotages your child's development of
understood, they're more able to accept our limits.
self-discipline. Isn't your goal to help your child feel good and act better? Click here for more information on WHY
"You’re very very mad and hurt. And still, no biting! Tell
peaceful parenting raises great kids.
your brother what you want."
1. Peaceful parenting starts with regulating your own
"You wish you could play longer, and now it's bedtime. I
emotions,
know that makes you sad."
...so that you can be the patient, emotionally generous
"I hear that you don't want Mommy to say No, but the
parent you aspire to be -- and that every child deserves.
answer is still No. We don't say 'Shut Up' to each other, but it's ok to be sad and mad."
2. Evaluate all teaching based on whether it strengthens or weakens your relationship with your child.
"You are scared, but we always tell the truth to each other."
The most effective discipline strategy is having a close bond with your child. Kids who feel connected to their
5. In any situation posing physical danger, intervene
parents naturally want to please them. Think Loving
immediately to set limits, but simultaneously connect by
Guidance, not punishment. Punishment is destructive to
empathizing.
your relationship with your child and ultimately creates more misbehavior. Loving guidance is setting limits
"The rule is no hitting. You can tell your sister what you
and reinforcing expectations as necessary, but in an
want and how you feel without attacking her."
empathic way that helps the child focus on improving her behavior rather than on being angry at you.
6. Defiance is always a relationship problem.
3. Start all correction by reaffirming the connection.
If your child does not accept your direction ("I don't care what you say, you can't make me!"), it's always
Remember that children misbehave when they feel bad
an indication that the relationship is not strong enough
about themselves and disconnected from us.
to support the teaching. This happens to all of us from time to time. At that point, stop and think about how to
• Stoop down to her level and look her in the eye: "You
strengthen the relationship, not how to make the child
want your brother to move, so you pushed him. No
"mind." Turning the situation into a power struggle will just
pushing; pushing hurts! Tell your brother, 'Move please!'"
deepen the rift between you.
• Pick her up: "You wish you could play longer but it's
7. Avoid Timeouts. They create more misbehavior.
time for bed." Timeouts, while infinitely better than hitting your child, • Make loving eye contact: "You are so upset right now."
are just another version of punishment by banishment and humiliation. They leave kids alone to manage their
• Put your hand on her shoulder: "You're scared to tell me about the cookie."
tangled-up emotions, so they undermine emotional intelligence. They erode, rather than strengthening, your relationship with your child. They set up a power struggle.
4. Don't hesitate to set limits as necessary, but set them
And they only work while you're bigger. They're a more JANUARY 2022 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7
[ PARENTING ] humane form of bullying than physical discipline. Click
come up with another strategy.
here for more information on why Timeouts don't work. 9. What you think and feel is more important than what 8. Consequences teach the wrong lesson if you're
you say in how your child responds.
involved in creating them. Kids will do almost anything we request if we make the On the face of it, Consequences make sense: The child
request with a loving heart. Find a way to say YES instead
does (or doesn't do) something, and learns from the
of NO even while you set your limit. "YES, it's time to clean
consequences. Which, when it happens naturally, can
up, and YES I will help you and YES we can leave your
be a terrific learning experience. But most of the time,
tower up and YES you can growl about it and YES if we
parents engineer the consequences, so that any child can explain to you that consequences are actually punishment. Click here for more information on why Consequences don't work. If the parent is not involved in the consequences (for instance, if they don't study and flunk their test, or they
hurry we can read an extra story and YES we can make this fun and YES I adore you and YES how did I get so lucky to be your parent? YES!" Your child will respond with the generosity of spirit that matches yours. 10. How you treat your child is how she will learn to treat herself.
don't brush and get a cavity) -- and if you can handle
If you're harsh with her, she'll be harsh with herself.
the bad result -- kids can learn a lot from suffering the
If you're loving with her while firm about setting
consequences of their actions. Of course, you don't
appropriate limits, she'll develop the ability to set firm but
want it to happen more than once, or their self image
loving limits on her own behavior.
becomes that of a person who flunks test and gets cavities, and they have learned an unintended lesson.
Harsh discipline and punishment, ironically, interfere with
My own view is that it works better, if possible, for them
the child's ability to develop self discipline. The problem
to skip such lessons, but as a last ditch strategy, we all
with internalizing harshness isn't just that it makes for
certainly learn from letting things go wrong.
unhappy kids and, eventually, unhappy adults, it's that it doesn't work. Kids who are given discipline that is not
Unfortunately, most kids whose parents use "consequences" as punishment don't think of them as the natural result of their own actions ("I forgot my lunch today so I was hungry"), but as the threats they hear through their parents' clenched teeth: "If I have to stop this car and come back there, there will be CONSEQUENCES!!" If parents are in charge of consequences, then the consequences aren't the natural result of the child's actions, but simply punishment.
loving never learn to manage themselves constructively. To the degree that we're harsh with ourselves because of the way we were parented, we respond to it by rebelling (how many times do we cheat on our diets?) or martyring ourselves (trying hard to be good girls and boys but building up resentment and lashing out at those we love, or not giving ourselves a break and ultimately breaking down.) To the degree that we can accept our own loving guidance because we've learned from our parents to
To the degree that Consequences are seen as
treat ourselves that way, we are able to set goals and
punishment by kids -- and they almost always are -- they
use our self-discipline to attain them. Ultimately, loving
are not as effective as positive discipline to encourage
guidance and positive parenting result in the child's
good behavior. Using them on your kids should be
developing the holy grail toward which all child-raising is
considered a last result and a signal that you need to
aimed: the child's own self-discipline.
8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2022
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[ TRAVEL ]
[ TRAVEL ]
Top 12 Reasons to Visit Rush Creek Lodge this Winter by Elizabeth Kang Winter at Rush Creek Lodge is simply magical — The
geodes and crystals, weave a reed basket, dissect owl
heated outdoor pool and two hot tubs welcome
pellets, or participate in a family painting lesson during
Yosemite visitors after afternoons of exploring nature and
any given week at the lodge.
playing in snow. Cozy fire pits dot the outdoor common areas, perfect for enjoying a Hot Toddy and the resort’s
8. Spectacular Spa Facilities — The newly opened
nightly s’mores hours. Rush Creek Lodge is the first hotel
indoor/outdoor spa facility at Rush Creek is worth the
to open in Yosemite in over 25 years, and its rustic and
drive alone. There’s no better place to get a relaxing
gorgeous accommodations are cozy, yet refined. Just
massage, pampering facial or rejuvenating steam &
a few-minutes drive to the west entrance of Yosemite,
sauna than at this gorgeous facility, surrounded by
this newly built hotel offers guests comfortable, upscale
serene forested land.
lodging in a gorgeous woodland setting. There are dozens of reasons to visit this exciting resort this winter,
7. Outdoor Playground — The outdoor playground on
but we’ve somehow managed to narrow it down to 12.
this 20-acre, wooded property is simply wondrous! Kids go crazy for the zippy 60-foot hillside slide, two daring
12. S’Mores Night, Every Night! — Every kids’ dream
zip-lines (one for big kids and one for smaller kids,) and
come true; S’Mores on repeat. Rush Creek Lodge hosts
plenty of other equipment to climb, crawl under, and
a nightly S’Mores event around their cozy fire-pits,
explore. There’s also ping-pong tables, a bocce ball
providing all the essentials for this classic camping treat.
court, corn hole, and more!
11. Creative Libations — The Rush Creek Tavern serves
6. Winter & Spring Discounts — Rush Creek Lodge offers
up some of the most creative, refreshing cocktails in the
discounts on its off-season stays, so not only is winter and
state, in addition to local craft brews and a distinctive
spring beautiful, less-crowded time to visit, but it’s also an
wine list. The Tavern is the perfect spot to grab a drink at
affordable time.
the bar to, or join in a late-nigh karaoke sing-a-long. 5. Guided Tours —Rush Creek offers an incredible 10. Indoor Game Area — The impressive indoor game
Guided Recreation Program that matched guests to
room is chock-full of fun, with foosball, air hockey, pool,
experienced and knowledgable guides, so visitors can
classic arcade games, and a wide selection of toys
get the most out for their Yosemite vacations. Partial and
and board games to play with. The amazing custom-
full-day guided tours are available, appropriate for all
designed tree house climbing structure will “wow”
fitness levels and abilities.
children and gives them a fun way to burn off energy. 4. Heated Pool & Hot Tub — The 2,400-square-foot 9. Activities Galore — Daily planned activities, kids’ crafts
heated saltwater pool and two steaming hot tubs
and nature presentations are scheduled throughout the
welcomes chilly visitors year-round, and there’s plenty of
day at Rush Creek Lodge, so there’s always something
tables and lounge chairs nearby to accommodate those
to do at this fun-filled resort. Children can learn about
who simply want to lounge. JANUARY 2022 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11
[ TRAVEL ]
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[ TRAVEL ]
3. Gourmet Dining — Just because you’re in the middle
Trail that will thrill active families. Bike rentals and hiking
of a forest doesn’t mean you have to “rough it.” Guests
gear are offered right on the property.
can order decadent challah french toast for breakfast, a refreshing tuna poke bowl for lunch and a perfectly
1. Spacious Accommodations — Named after the area’s
cooked Cheeseburger on a brioche bun for dinner. The
historic ties to the Gold Rush, Rush Creek Lodge offers 143
kids’ menu offerings include children’s favorites such as
spacious rooms, suites and hillside villas that are perfectly
burgers, macaroni & cheese, chicken tenders, and pizza,
suited for small to large families. The stylish rooms, suites
with a choice of veggies, fruit, or french fries.
and villas have rustic, modern charm, with comfortable beds, sofa beds, private patios and cozy gas fireplaces.
2. On-site Hiking Trails — There are a few newly
Most rooms have space so adults and children can be in
developed hiking and biking trails just opened at Rush
separate spaces — a feature any adult will appreciate.
Creek, which range from an easy 0.5-mile Nature Trail
(There are no TVs in the rooms, which won’t be missed
that even toddlers can manage, to a 2.7-mile Adventure
with the gorgeous surroundings and views!) JANUARY 2022 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13
[ PARENTING ]
Helping Shy Kids Reach Their Full Potential by Amy McCready Every time family or friends are over for dinner, your 5-year-old won’t even say “hi.” He hides behind your leg, refusing eye contact instead. It’s been three weeks since school started, and your daughter still hasn’t spoken to anyone. Her teacher asks, in all seriousness, if she’s mute. Many parents feel at a loss with their child’s timidness. They think they need to defend or excuse their child’s hesitation to acknowledge others, speak up, and participate. Parents also fear shyness will be received as rude or inept. They even worry their child’s bashfulness will lead to missed opportunities and a lusterless life. Of course, children have different temperaments. Some are less outgoing than others. Their shyness may be ongoing, temporary, or situation-dependent. Parenting expert and “recovering yeller” Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time… The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling (Penguin, 2011.) Amy is a regular parenting contributor on The TODAY Show and has also appeared on Rachael Ray, CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Steve Harvey and elsewhere. In her most important role, she plays mom to two teenage boys. Follow Amy on Twitter @AmyMcCreadyPPS. For more information on Postive Parenting, go to www.positiveparentingsolutions. com/course-details
Shyness itself isn’t a one-size-fits-all term. Children’s social reservations stem from a variety of causes. These tendencies may be normal and harmless. Others may require professional intervention (5 Key Signs Your Shy Child Might Need Help). Here at Positive Parenting Solutions, we know the importance of not labeling kids or pigeonholing them into a particular bucket. When we use the term “shy” in this article, it’s a loose definition of a child’s more bashful actions. It’s not a label, diagnosis, or judgment, because social reluctance can be complex. What isn’t complex is that it’s just one small facet of the human being you love and cherish. Timidity can actually be a sign of thoughtfulness and other exceptional traits. But emboldening kids to speak up and engage is important, too. Maybe your butterfly just needs a little more time in the cocoon. But you know that inside, there are truly magnificent wings. If you have a kid who tends towards shyness, you can embrace and gently challenge that reticence. It’s a balance that nurtures natural tendencies while still helping your child learn and grow. Here are six strategies to help shy kids bloom–in their way and in their time: 1. Trade the ‘Shy’ Label for Encouragement
14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2022
[ PARENTING ] Labels are an easy way to categorize a person or a personality trait. The problem is, they can be dismissive, oversimplified, and downright incorrect. For example, being shy is not necessarily the same thing as having stage fright, introversion, or social anxiety. It can be confusing and harmful for a child when we unintentionally lump these distinctions into one. Verbally labeling children as “shy” might lead them to believe there’s something wrong with them. Why else would he mention that, unless it’s bad? When labeled in front of siblings, it can even enhance sibling rivalry and competition.
When kids feel positive, they begin to gain confidence. And confident kids are more likely to emerge, at least partly, from their protective shells. 2. Help Shy Kids by Practicing Social Skills Together Not all kids are born bounding around the playground making friends with everyone they meet. Some enjoy playing alone. Others want to make friends but don’t know where to start. All children, whether they’re withdrawn or more gregarious, benefit from rehearsing their skills in hypothetical social settings. One excellent way to practice is to Take Time for Training:
The idea can become deeply implanted. Kids may start to believe their shyness defines them.
Take Time for Training
Even our positive labels are problematic: She keeps telling me I’m pretty. Beauty must be really important.
Like learning to brush their teeth or ride a bike, kids can practice social interaction with us at home.
Instead of labeling personality traits or behavior–whether positive or negative–we can encourage our children’s positive actions.
It can start with the Ps and Qs of manners. Then, we can go far beyond these important pleasantries.
For a 4-year-old refusing to speak at his well-check exam, you may be inclined to tell the doctor he’s shy. Instead, you can encourage your child when you notice positive behavior: “I appreciate that you’re cooperating with the doctor when she asks you to breathe deeply for her stethoscope. That’s really helpful!” The doctor will likely notice your cues and help encourage your son’s helpful actions, too. Despite his silence, there is no need for labels!
When we take time to train our kids on social behaviors, we start by modeling those actions ourselves. Next, we let them practice that etiquette at home or in other safe surroundings. It could be pretending to strike a dialogue or introduce themselves to new people. For outgoing kids, it could be training them to take turns speaking, listen intently, and to recognize personal boundaries. The gist is, we can’t assume socializing is innate knowledge. Kids often need a crash course. Two-Way Role Play
To the 12-year-old too reluctant to strike up a conversation with her new basketball teammates, withhold saying, “It’s hard being shy,” or “I know you’re shy, but you’ve got this!” Instead, you can say:
Training isn’t just going through basic vocabulary and motions. You can really have fun with it when you use TwoWay Role Play. This, like Take Time for Training, is a tool we use in our Positive Parenting Solutions course.
“I know it can be hard meeting new people. Especially if you’re worried they won’t be very receptive. But I’ve noticed you’re a good team player and doing lots of passing on the court!”
Not only is it more fun and engaging for kids when we role-play scenarios–it solidifies the lessons we’re trying to convey.
Even when the bad outweighs the good, we can encourage a silver lining.
Your child can begin with his usual role–maybe the socially timid kid at Cub Scouts–while you play a fellow cub. In JANUARY 2022 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15
[ PARENTING ] this scenario, the imaginary den leader has just asked the scouts to pick partners for a team-building activity.
Renee Jain mentions in her program for anxious kids, Go Zen!
Walk up to your son (you’re playing an equally shy “kid” or a more outgoing one) and say, “Would you like to be my partner?” Or, “I’m available if you still need to pair up.”
Or, maybe your reserved 6-year-old has been taking piano lessons for two years and loves it. But, when her teacher suggests she participate in an upcoming piano recital, the idea terrifies her.
Now, switch roles! Your son can ask you to partner up. You can say “yes” or even say “no, I don’t want to partner with you,” to let him practice his response to rejection. That could be walking up to the den leader (your next starring role) and quietly saying, “I’m still looking for a partner. Can you help?” Then, your son can play the den leader while you, the scout, ask for partnering assistance.
You can say, “I think everyone would love to hear you play, and you should be proud of all the practice you’ve put into the piano. But, if you really don’t want to perform, that’s okay.”
Kids love to pretend, and any skit you enact together is a dress rehearsal for life.
Then, you can not only encourage her to try again next time, but you can recommend she take the small first step of attending–this go around–as an audience member. She can still cheer on the other friends’ performances and support her instructor.
And anything that’s been rehearsed well has a better chance of succeeding.
But you don’t have to force her to directly participate. (As much as it would fill your heart to see her on that stage.)
3. Avoid Shoving Shy Kids Into the Limelight
Pro Tip: When it comes to school, parties, or any group activity, it helps timid kids to arrive early. This keeps the spotlight off them and allows time to settle and adjust.
Training eases kids into real-world challenges. But they’re likely not ready for an immediate onslaught. While we ideally want to expose our kids to as many new experiences as possible, we don’t want to pressure them to overly participate or perform. Maybe you convinced your wallflower to attend the Homecoming dance with a friend. The thought of her missing such an iconic event broke your heart. But when her stag date ditches her at the last minute, she begs you not to make her go. She doesn’t want to be there without her good friend; she says she’d feel embarrassed. You already bought the tickets and the dress. You know she could still have fun with a more adventurous attitude. (Clearly, you have FOMO on her behalf.) But going could also leave her traumatized. Sometimes kids do need a little boost. But other times, we need to take a moment and listen to their concerns. Pressuring them into a trial by fire may not help them through their shy feelings–it could force them to dig deeper. Instead, you could encourage your daughter to take a smaller baby step, like going to the pre-dance dinner with everyone. It’s still a way of putting herself out there, without as much pressure. This is a great technique that 16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2022
4. Trust in Your Shy Child’s Strengths We don’t want to force reluctant kids into the limelight. It can backfire. But, we do want to set shy kids up for success. This includes having faith in their abilities. When your 4-year-old refuses to answer a fawning passerby saying, “You’re so cute, how old are you,” you once again feel embarrassed. The urge to say, “Sorry, my kid is shy,” creeps up. But here’s the thing. As hard as it may be, there is no need to coax or answer on her behalf. Simply wait in silence and give your daughter a chance to think of her own response. Giving her this opportunity to struggle a bit–in a safe, nontraumatic scenario–reinforces that you have faith she will speak up. It also gives her practice responding. And, the more opportunities she has to speak for herself, the easier it will be for her in the future. If she still doesn’t speak after a generous while–and you feel the need to keep appearances–you can change the subject with the nice passerby.
[ PARENTING ] You can say, “Thank you. Beautiful weather today, isn’t it?”
Don’t let the word “meeting” deter you! This isn’t all business. Family Meetings can be beneficial and
There’s no need to excuse your daughter’s silence or
enjoyable!
chastise her for not responding, especially in front of the stranger. You can just model your own response and leave
Family Meetings offer kids the chance to voice their
it at that.
concerns–whether it’s wanting a break from martial arts lessons or frustration with a sibling who’s grabbing toys.
Maybe, she’ll be ready to answer next time.
They can also bring solutions to the table.
5. Raise Shy Kids to be Confident
Through Family Meetings, children learn their value within the family and as individuals. They understand that their
When we trust in our kids, we are telling them we believe in
opinion matters. And, they learn that communication is an
them.
integral part of problem-solving and healthy dynamics.
This is the beginning of convincing them it’s worth believing
It’s also fun to rotate meeting leaders each week! With
in themselves.
a little guidance, kids as young as four can take turns keeping the meeting organized and on task. It’s a great
It starts by not labeling them as “shy.” Even if they are
way to practice leadership and communication skills!
sometimes shy. Especially when held routinely (ideally, once a week), Then, it means granting them choices, like in a DecisionRich Environment. Providing age-appropriate choices throughout the day allows kids the freedom to make mistakes, learn from them, and move on–possibly leading to a different decision next time with better results.
Family Meetings add rungs to the ladder of confidence and allow shy children to shine. Speaking to well-known family members around the dining room may not be identical to working with classmates in an assigned group project or making new friends. But, like training, it’s one step closer.
With some success at managing life’s little challenges under their belts, kids realize they can rely on themselves to
Final Thoughts
work through bigger hurdles like social awkwardness and occasional shyness and will be well on their way towards
Your child is on a personal social journey.
satisfaction and independence. It may not look like your friend’s kid, who spoke to anyone Even if kids are never fully confident in social situations, they can be self-assured in other areas of life. Encouraging them to help around the house, do homework on their own, and dedicate themselves to their passions and strengths are all great ways to build confidence, make them comfortable in their own skin, and
who would listen at age two. It probably won’t look like your teenage niece, who craves attention and has a bazillion friends. Your child’s journey may not even be remotely similar to yours.
enable them to contribute to the greater good in ways
But with these six strategies–along with your love and
other than making great conversation.
patience–your child is right where he should be.
6. Establish Routine Family Meetings
Don’t sell his potential short. JANUARY 2022 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17
[ TRAVEL ]
18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2022
[ TRAVEL ]
SPLURGE OR SAVE Family Weekend in Half Moon Bay
by Elizabeth Kang
When we’re craving a change of scenery or a spontaneous family getaway, we often head to Half Moon Bay. This family favorite checks off all the boxes needed for a perfect quick getaway: It’s less than an hour’s drive away, it’s situated right on the coast, it has great food, and Half Moon By boasts plenty to do and see. The best part? This charming coastal town can easily accommodate a tight budget or be experienced as a luxury retreat. Read to to learn why Half Moon Bay is the ultimate “Splurge” or “Save” destination.
JANUARY 2022 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19
[ TRAVEL ]
SPLURGE - STAY When it comes to “splurging” in Half Moon Bay, the Ritz Carlton, Half Moon Bay reigns supreme. This stately hotel is perched atop an oceanside bluff on nearly 70,000 acres, surrounded by bucolic golfing greens and miles of picturesque coastline. Offering stunning views of crashing ocean waves and world-class cuisine, Ritz Carlton Half Moon Bay makes for a memorable retreat. The outdoor patio is an idyllic spot to roast s’mores over communal fire pits and enjoy stunning sunsets while a bagpiper serenades guests nightly with live Celtic melodies. It all adds up to be an exquisite experience well worth the price.
- DINE For family friendly fine dining without even getting in the car, The Conservatory has you covered for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This white-linen restaurant, (located at the Ritz,) boasts ocean views, a kids’ menu, and service that will make the family feel downright royal. Don’t miss the restaurant’s signature Cioppino, one of the best we’ve ever tried. Another wonderful dinner option is It’s Italia, located in downtown Half Moon Bay. This cozy, Tuscan-style restaurant serves classic Italian cuisine with large portions and decadent house-made desserts. If possible, request to sit in the gorgeous outdoor courtyard, where string lights and outdoor fireplaces create a romantic, dimly lit vibe you’ll appreciate even with children-in-tow.
- SEE Downtown Half Moon Bay is chock-full of charming shops and eateries, where kids 20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2022
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and adults alike will find plenty of fun souvenirs to take homes. Be sure to stop by Fog Town Toys, offering a charming selection of unique children’s toys, and Half Moon Bay Feed & Fuel —an old-timey feed and supply store with live bunnies and chicks that children will adore. Adults will appreciate the wide range of clothing and home decor boutiques dotted along Main Street.
- DO For an unforgettable “splurge-worthy” family experience, charter a sport fishing boat from Queen of Hearts Sportfishing. This licensed 50-ft vessel offers an incredible fishing and crabbing expedition unlike no other. With help from experienced crew, catch your own Dungeness crab, Salmon, or Rockfish, or book an incredible whalewatching expedition January through March. (Ages 7 and up.) Seahorse Ranch is a must for the horse-loving kids in the family. Here, one or two-hour trail rides take riders on a scenic coastal adventure, (available to riders ages 7 and up, with online reservations required.) JANUARY 2022 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21
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SAVE - STAY Half Moon Bay Lodge offers comfortable family accommodations at an unbelievable price, with some rooms priced under $200 a night. Although not right on the beach, this hotel is very near it, located right off highway 1, just behind the Ritz Carlton, Half Moon Bay. For a little privacy and more space, book the “Tower Suite,” which has an upstairs loft-type bedroom and queen bed downstairs in the main living area. The hotel also boasts a pool and hot tub, which is always a bonus when traveling with kids.
- DINE For casual roadside eats, Dad’s Luncheonette has garnered quite a following, and for good reason. Located in an historic train caboose, this wallet-friendly eatery offers mouthwatering “Hamburger Sandwiches” that are well worth the inevitable wait in line. The San Benito Deli also earns rave reviews for its delicious sandwiches on homemade bread, and slices of thick-crust pizzas. It also offers scratch soups and fresh salads, as well as a smattering of bakery goodies. The perfect fare to bring to the beach!
- SEE Get an early start to see the tide pools at Fitzgerald Marine Reserve. Hermit crabs and starfish are the stars of the show at low tide. After the water rises and the sea creatures take their bow, walk over to the trails for a kidfriendly coastal hike through the century-old forrest of tangled and windblown Cyprus trees. It’s not a trip to Half Moon Bay without some time at the beach, and luckily, there are miles of beaches to choose from. Poplar Beach 22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2022
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is a family friendly one that’s usually not too crowded, and Surfer’s Beach is a popular spot that’s kid-friendly and centrally located.
- DO Biking is a fantastic kid-friendly pastime in Half Moon Bay, thanks to its wide, paved, miles-long Coastal Trail running along the beach, which is completely separate from the road and oncoming vehicles. Rent bikes from Half Moon Bay Kayaking, which, unsurprisingly, also rents single or double kayaks for exploring Half Moon Bay on water. On the way home, take a quick stop by Carnivorous Plants to show your kids some of the most unique and memorable plants they've likely never seen before. Venus Fly Traps, Tropical Pitcher Plants and other predatory plants will delight and wonder them, with no entrance fee to get in. For more information on everything Half Moon Bay has to offer, please visit www.visithalfmoonbay.com
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Christine Carter, Ph.D.*, is a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She is the author of “RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.” She teaches online happiness classes that help parents bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children, and she writes an award-winning blog for *Greater Good* (www.greatergoodparents.org).
How to Structure Your Day to Feel Less Stressed by Christine Carter, Ph.D. If you don’t control your schedule, your schedule will control you.
As we enter our third year in a pandemic, chronic stress rules the day. Widespread uncertainty makes it hard for us to concentrate. Lack of focus makes everything take longer, and so we work more but accomplish less. Fortunately, there are more effective strategies for coping with anxiety and exhaustion than trying to convince ourselves we know what is coming.
Ironically, one of those strategies is planning. Don’t get me wrong; I do think the plans we make today are often useless tomorrow. But even though our 24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2022
[ PARENTING ] plans might turn out to be unworkable, the planning
reading, exercising, meditating, tidying up—even
process is indispensable. Planning creates context and
measuring my habits. Some of my routine tasks occur
provides a structure for our daily activities. It gives us
only once a week, but they automatically repeat on my
a solid foundation on which to adapt to a new and
schedule, as well. (For example, every Friday after lunch
unplanned future.
I do some bookkeeping, and so that is already in my planner template.)
Here’s how to make a plan that will help you find more focus, flow, and productivity in the coming year.
Before I set up my ideal day, I was constantly negotiating with myself about when I’d do the things I needed to do.
Step 1: Let your priorities lead
Should I do my daily planning before or after breakfast?
When the future is uncertain, we need our priorities to
Should I shower at lunch to break up the day? Before
be blazingly obvious to us all the time. Otherwise, we
the pandemic, I probably never would have considered
spin our wheels on tasks that might be priorities for others
these things—I had existing routines that worked. Now,
but not for us, or that might be easy to do but not that
though, the possibilities are endless.
important. Without clear priorities, we often become overwhelmed by all there is to do. To avoid that, we
Making decisions, even little bitty ones, taxes the part of
need to decide on our top priorities and then spend 95%
our brain that we need to focus, and uses up the energy
of our time doing only those activities, saying “no” to
we need for more important things. And these days,
everything else as much as possible.
focus and energy are often in short supply. Better to decide once.
Spending 95% of our time on our top priorities leaves only about five hours a week for other things—the other 5%,
Even if your work is less flexible and a large part of your
the things that aren’t real priorities, but often need to be
day is already spoken for, it can still help to create clear
done. Most days, my 5% time is mostly spent answering
morning and bedtime routines. Try to build activities
emails and doing administrative work that is unrelated to
into your schedule that tend to go undone unless you
my highest priorities.
explicitly make time for them, like exercise and a pause to unwind.
Step 2: Create structure for yourself One important key to both productivity and stability in
Pre-deciding when we will do routine tasks also helps
this crazy age is to create structure for yourself. If you’re
us establish new habits and shortens our to-do list. For
working from home but missing your office (or even your
years, I had repetitive tasks like “clean out email,” and
commute), you might be missing the structure that the
“plan meals for the week” as recurring to-dos. This
workplace used to provide: a clear start and end to the
needlessly lengthened my task list, adding to my sense
workday, built-in breaks, time to socialize. If the daily
of overwhelm. Now, because I know when I will do these
routine you’ve fallen into during the pandemic isn’t
recurring tasks, I don’t need to write them down or nag
working for you, create one that does.
myself to get them done.
Design your “ideal day.” Begin by designing your ideal
Step 3: Use time-blocking and task-batching
day (you can use this free template). All the habits I’m
I do keep online calendars and task lists, but I prefer to
trying to start or keep repeat daily on my schedule:
plan out each day on paper each morning. That may JANUARY 2022 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25
[ PARENTING ] seem redundant, but it helps me see clearly what my
to get things done by reminding us of what we still
priorities for the day are, and it gives me the structure
needed to do. The belief was that the reminders—or
that I need to keep myself focused on them.
distracting thoughts and worries—would persist until the task was complete.
When you’re planning a particular day, start by adding meetings and appointments to your schedule. This will
But research suggests that simply making a plan to deal
help you see how much time you have for projects and
with an unfinished task makes a huge difference in our
tasks. Next, block off time for your highest-priority tasks.
ability to focus. It’s not so much about knowing what
This is a time management technique called time-
needs to be done as it is about deciding when to do
blocking.
it. When we don’t know when or how we will finish the things on our task lists, our thoughts will typically wander
Next, designate time on your calendar for smaller types
from our current task to our undone tasks; this is called
of tasks. What I call “action items” are tasks that take
the “Zeigarnik effect.” As it turns out, our unconscious
about 20 minutes each; if I have an open hour, I know I
mind isn’t necessarily nagging us to do that undone task
can knock three of these off my list. “Quick tasks” take
right now, but rather to make a plan for when we will get
five minutes or so; if I’ve got a half hour, I can do about
it done.
five. Grouping similar tasks in this way is called “taskbatching,” and it creates additional efficiencies.
To handle this, you can either schedule a task on your calendar or designate it as an action item or a quick
Now, relax
task. This is all, it seems, that our brain needs to let something go.
Have you ever woken up worrying about an unfinished project, an email you forgot to send, or a meeting you
When we don’t have a structure, blazingly obvious
didn’t have a chance to schedule? Lingering to-do
priorities, and a plan, distractions inevitably take over.
items drain our energy and interrupt our focus (and,
Other people (and email) dictate our to-do lists. So
sometimes, our sleep). It turns out, we just need to tell our
instead of keeping a never-ending to-do list of things
brains when we will do what we need to do so they don’t
you really (really!) hope to accomplish in a given day
nag us.
or week, this simple system can help you start each day with a concrete plan for what you’ll work on and when.
Researchers used to think that this low-level worrying
You don’t have to constantly make choices about what
about unfinished tasks was our unconscious mind trying
to concentrate on: Just follow your schedule.
26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2022
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