SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
KNOWING
This One Thing About Your Child Could Change Your Relationship
An Age by Age Guide to Talking With Children About Race
HOTEL SPOTLIGHT
MAR VISTA FARM + COTTAGES
Volume 8 / Issue 88
[ PARENTING ] An Age By Age Guide To Talking With Children About Race
6 Your Child Could Change Your Relationship
14
A Letter to Every College Freshman on Finding Your People
20
[ TRAVEL ] Hotel Spotlight: Mar Vista Farm + Cottages
10
Let’s Get Brainy…11 of the Best Science Podcasts for Curious Kids Weekend in the Woods & the Whole Family, Too! at Camp Navarro
22
18
Getting Help With Child Support
24
14 2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
22
10
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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area
Publisher/Editor Tracie Brown Vollgraf
Advertising Sales Director Whitney Ignacio Whitney@activefamilymag.com
Social Media Manager and Sales Manager Trista Cambra-Flanders
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Travel Editor
Contributing Authors Elizabeth Kang Lisa Sugarman Dr. Laura Markham Dr. Meg Meeker CCCDCSS Stratford School
Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com
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Editor’s Note We hope everyone has acclimated to the school year and are staying safe! With a few months of warm weather left, we are still focused on travel. Be sure to check out our latest features on page 10 and 18. Open communication with your children is important, but nothing is more important than understanding racial identity and acceptance. Check out the article on page 6 by Dr. Laura Markham for some tips on how to broach the discussion with your children. Wishing you all a safe and happy September. Enjoy your month! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
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[ PARENTING ]
An Age by Age Guide To Talking With Children About Race by Dr. Laura Markham "Your positive parenting model represents a gentler, more conscientious method of parenting than what I grew up with. But it also lays the groundwork Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.
for a better world, where people empathize with each other and try to work together towards solutions together. My friends and I want to be honest with our kids about the very real inequalities and prejudices they may encounter, experience, and/or witness, but we also don't want to overwhelm our kids before they are developmentally ready to comprehend these situations." Regardless of our children’s skin color, raising children in a highly racialized society gives us as parents the responsibility to consider the messages we transmit to our children about racial identity. These messages are powerful in shaping our children's identities, relationships and opinions. And they will form the fi lter through which our children later interpret the negative messages about race that bombard us in our culture. White families often ignore the issue of racism because it makes us uncomfortable, and because we assume that it doesn't affect our children. But racism dehumanizes all of us. We can only end racism by talking with all of our children about how it unfair it is, by admitting that all of us have a tendency to judge people based on appearance, by pointing out the terrible
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
[ PARENTING ] cost to people of color but also to our entire society, and
up in a culture with institutional racism, so we (as white
by teaching our children that treating all people fairly
parents) need to notice any ways in which we might
matters.
inadvertently give our child impressions about race that aren't what we consciously want to promote.
Because we as adults struggle with these issues, we will often find ourselves struggling to know how to talk to our
At what age should we begin talking about race?
children about them. But that doesn't mean we don't have a responsibility to do so.
We need to begin talking with our children early. By kindergarten, many children have already formed
I don't think there is ever one conversation about such a
opinions about race, including valuing lighter skin more
big issue; we need to talk repeatedly about these tough
than darker skin.
issues on an ongoing basis as they arise. Sometimes current events will create the opportunity or the need for
Race is an intense topic, but we can have age-
such discussions; sometimes our personal lives will. But if
appropriate discussions from the time our children are
we want things to be different in the next generation, we
toddlers. Below, I'll give you an age by age guide to
need to begin these discussions in our homes.
talking with your kids.
Shouldn't we teach children to be color blind? I want my
Isn't it different to teach about race depending on what
children to know that race is not any more important
race your child is?
than hair or eye color. You're right that we need to talk about this differently with I grew up with this idea too, and always thought it was
children of different races. Unfortunately, the experience
the best approach. But it turns out that the problem
of racism is a daily occurrence for families of color, so
with teaching kids to be color-blind is that they aren't.
it's a frequent discussion in many African American and
Research shows that children perceive racial differences
Hispanic homes. I'm not the person to give advice on
at a very young age and are curious about them. If we
that conversation, but I want to acknowledge how heart-
ignore those differences, children get the message that
breaking it must be to have to explain to your child that
race is a shameful topic and cannot be discussed. In
the color of his skin means he may not be treated fairly
fact, silence about race reinforces racism.
by our society, that he runs even the risk of death if he happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Another problem with the color-blind approach is that it invalidates the experience of children of color, who are
It would be facile--and just plain not true--to say "Stay out
all too aware that society is not color-blind and that their
of trouble and you'll be fine." It's easy to give examples of
race is a factor in how they are treated.
unarmed African American men who have been killed during encounters with police. Cory Booker, US Senator
Instead of teaching children to be color-blind, we
from New Jersey, was my son's age when he graduated
can teach children to be color-fair and color-rich:
from Stanford, was honored as a Rhodes Scholar, and
appreciative of all skin tones, advocating for fair
later was stopped by six police officers with their guns
treatment of all people, and empathic with the
drawn. They held him for half an hour as a dangerous
experiences of all people. We're all different, and that
criminal, barking at him "I said don't move!" while he was
makes the world a richer place. No race or color is better
on his knees praying and shaking. My children, who are
than another.
protected from such situations because of the color of their skin, would have been shaking and praying too, but
So go ahead and address race in a positive way --
would probably have tried to assert their rights. Booker
how wonderful that everyone brings their own unique
didn't dare to do so.
contribution to the world! Obviously each parent will have a somewhat It's also important to understand that we have all grown
different perspective, so what we choose to say might SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7
[ PARENTING ] be different. I can only tell you what I as a White
your child's developmental understanding.
psychologist would say to my own children. Let's take this by age.
For instance, you might ask questions like this to begin a discussion:
TODDLERS You may think that a Toddler is too young to notice
“Have you ever felt like someone had an opinion about
race, and many white parents avoid mentioning race
you based on what you look like? How did that feel? Do
because they are afraid that discussing difference will
you think that was fair?"
create racist ideas in their children. However, research shows that toddlers already notice race and are
You can also educate your child about racial injustice.
drawing conclusions about everything, including race,
Don't feel like you have to know everything. You can also
all the time. They notice social status. They notice their
start a project to look things up and learn together.
parent's cues, such as friendliness or stiffening up when someone approaches. They look to parents to "approve"
Many White parents talk about heroes like Rosa Parks
when someone initiates at the playground.
and Martin Luther King, and about slavery. We also need to talk about institutionalized racism and about
When your toddler asks questions about race, don't
privilege. After all, no one is born a racist. Racism is the
"shush" them, even if the question seems disrespectful.
product of a racist system that is perpetuated with racist
Acknowledge the question in a positive way, such as
assumptions that permeate our institutions and shape
"Yes, Diego's skin is darker than yours. It's beautiful, isn't
our belief systems.
it? Everyone's skin is different." These are tough issues to discuss, even with adults. PRESCHOOLERS (3 TO 5)
Maybe the easiest way to teach children about them
Preschoolers are very concerned about fairness and
is with stories. So, for instance, my son (who is now in
believe that everyone should be treated fairly. They also
law school) told me today that he remembers a time
definitely notice race and draw conclusions based on
when we ran to catch a bus, when he was ten. After
what they perceive, so it's important to have ongoing
we got on the bus, I told him that African-American
discussions with them about race, the value of diversity,
friends of mine had forbidden their son to run in public,
fairness, and standing up for what's right.
even to catch a bus. They were afraid that a police officer would assume that he was running from a
Be prepared for questions like "Why is that girl's
crime and should be apprehended. (Former Attorney
skin brown?" and keep your answer simple, maybe
General Eric Holder tells a story of how this happened
something like: "One of her parents must have given her
to him when he was already a federal prosecutor.) This
that beautiful brown skin, just like you got your red hair
evolved into a discussion about privilege, which he has
from your daddy."
always remembered. Of course, over the years that ongoing conversation was amplified by my children's
If your child makes a remark that you think is racist, take
own experiences, such as learning that their of-color
a deep breath and ask them what made them say that.
friends were sometimes stopped and searched by
Use the opportunity to have a discussion about your own
police officers, when neither of my children were ever
beliefs about fair treatment, empathy and the value of
searched.
diversity. Always end the discussion positively. Reassure your child ELEMENTARY SCHOOLERS
that change is possible, that many people are working
Children age six to ten are old enough to hear about
to make things better, that progress is slow but real, and
current events from friends or online, so be prepared for
that there are things they can do to help.
questions about race along with other current events. You'll want to ask what they've heard and open a
It's important for children to think they can make even a
discussion about it, and then tailor your explanation to
small difference in addressing the injustices they see. In
8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
[ PARENTING ] the next section, there are some ideas on taking action
Talk with your child about how he or she can take a
that your child may find inspiring.
stand against racism. Brainstorm with them. Here are some ideas to get you started:
PRETEENS AND TEENS With Preteens and Teens, you can go into even more
• Join a peaceful protest in your town.
depth discussing current events. You can also ask
• Donate to organizations trying to make change,
questions like: • "Can you think of examples of our individual or group actions and perceptions being shaped by racist ideas that we might not even notice?" • "When we see injustice, we all have a responsibility to intervene. Some people call that being actively antiracist. Can you imagine being in a position where you need to take a stand against racism? What might be hard about that? What might you do?" • "Are there smaller, every-day ways for us to be antiracist"?
protecting Black lives, or educating people about racism. Your teen can do the research to find an organization whose mission they admire. • Send a letter to your local mayor or government asking what they are doing to prevent police brutality in your town. • Watch Jay Smooth's Ted talk "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Discussing Race." There are many resources online to educate ourselves and our children. Some listings to get you started are below. For most White parents, this is an educational
Preteens and Teens are exploring their identities, working
process for us as well, so don't be afraid to say you also
out how they fit into the world, and how they can make a
are just learning and are trying to understand.
contribution. Taking positive action to address problems
Hopefully, this will be just the beginning of an ongoing
they perceive and make the world a better place helps
discussion in your family. Good for you for being brave
empower teens and keeps them from becoming cynical.
enough to start it!
SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ TRAVEL ]
10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
[ TRAVEL ]
HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Mar Vista Farm + Cottages Gather fresh eggs and pick-your-own-dinner at this longstanding coastal gem by Elizabeth Kang City-dwellers, suburbanites and concrete-jungle-warriors, rejoice; there is a place beyond the smog of the city and streetlights that drown out the night sky. A place where freshly laid eggs arrive daily on your doorstep, and the sounds of the ocean lull you to sleep at night. In this idyllic spot, children are free to roam bucolic grounds, pet kittens, pick flowers and feed goats, and families gather around a campfire every evening. This magical place may sound too good to be true, but Mar Vista Farm + Cottages is as real as the crashing waves across from it, and has been welcoming families, friends, and couples to unplug and unwind for over twenty years. This north Pacific Coast retreat blends the charm of “agrotourism” with the comfort of “glamping,” and feels somewhat like a family summer camp, with less structure, and more privacy. In actuality, the place is what you want it to be, whether that means joining the group chicken egg collecting that takes place every morning, or enjoying a beach day — via the farm’s private street access. The charming yellow guest cottages include full kitchens and all the necessities needed to cook dinner every night, or there’s the option to simply drive five minutes to gourmet Thai food or takeout tacos. That’s the beauty of Mar Vista — you can easily tailor it to the kind of vacation that appeals to you and your travel companions, whether that’s a hands-on experience or a laid-back reprieve.
SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11
[ TRAVEL ]
A LITTLE HISTORY Mar Vista Farm + Cottages is owned and run by Christopher and Deanna Boettcher, who boast an impressive combined 50 years in the hospitality industry. That experience shows in the warm welcome they bestow upon every arriving guest, and the thoughtful consideration and care they put into each stay. The Boettcher’s took over the farm after longtime stewards Renata and Tom Dorn retired after running the place since 2000. Originally, the land was purchased by a Hungarian immigrant to serve as a chicken ranch, and cottages were soon built and rented out to sport fishermen who fished for salmon and steelhead. Decades later, those cottages began to attract families looking for a picturesque, quiet vacation spot.
COZY COTTAGES Happily, not too much has changed since those early years, and the rustic, cheerful cottages maintain their olden-days charm. The comfort level and conveniences, however, are very much modern day, with free wi-fi, hot showers, plush towels, soft bedding, and fully stocked kitchens. Everything needed to make hearty breakfasts and farm-fresh dinners are provided, and there’s even a cute little store on-site stocked with local jams, gourmet coffee, s’mores kits, freshly made pastries and branded tchotchkes. The cottages are available in one or two-bedroom layouts, each including a cozy electric fireplace, a kitchen table that seats four, a full-sized oven, range and fridge, and plenty of cooking utensils and small appliances. A small basket is provided to hang on your porch every evening, signaling to owner Deanna, who hands out the day’s fresh chicken eggs, to fill the basket. Guests who do not want eggs that day simply leave the basket inside their cottage.
THE GROUNDS Along with just-laid eggs from the farm’s 100+ chickens, guests are encouraged to sample the delights of the property's organic garden,
[ TRAVEL ] which serves as a central focus point on the farm. This abundant garden overflows with seasonal produce, including (on my visit) a variety of lettuces, tomatoes, heirloom beans, squash, edible flowers, cucumbers, garlic, basil, and much more. Guests are welcome to come into the garden at any time to pick whatever they need for the day’s meals. I made a delicious, simple meal from the bounty my family picked — a salad from the garden’s lettuces, and a simple pasta of angel hair, olive oil, and the garden’s assortment of tomatoes, fresh garlic and just-picked herbs. In addition to the thriving garden and hardworking hens, the property is host to three handsome goats, a friendly bunny, a rustic children's playhouse, a small pond, and three of the most friendly and playful kittens i’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. (A highlight of my daughter’s stay.) An onsite fire pit is stocked with wood nightly, and makes for a cozy evening gathering spot to roast marshmallows, star gaze and chat with neighbors.
SURROUNDING AREA When guests aren't making s’mores, gathering eggs or cuddling kittens, there is plenty to do within walking distance or a short drive from the farm. Just across the street, through the farm’s private gate and down a wooden staircase, lies Fish Rock Beach. Here, morning tide pools expose colorful starfish, shy hermit crabs, spongy sea anemones and thousands of mussels that cling to the rocks. Mar Vista Farm + Cottages also offers a shaded, family friendly hiking trail right on the property, with towering redwoods, lush ferns, and a babbling brook. It’s a short, quick hike but makes for a fun and pretty diversion. Five minutes down the road in the town of Anchor Bay you’ll find a small shopping center with a few eateries and a market. Anchor Bay Market contains groceries, essentials and a few prepared food items like sandwiches and burritos, and next door at Anchor Bay Thai Kitchen you’ll find surprisingly great Thai Food. There’s also a small Mexican take-out place (Mariachi’s) and a coffee shop.
MAR VISTA FARM + COTTAGES 35101 CA-1, Gualala, CA (707) 884-3522 www.marvistafarmandcottages.com SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13
[ PARENTING ] Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician, who has practiced pediatric and adolescent medicine for 25 years. She is the author of six books including the best-selling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: Ten Secrets Every Father Should Know; Boys Should Be Boys; Your Kids At Risk;, The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity; Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: The 30 Day Challenge and Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men, (Ballantine) April 2014. She is a popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships. Dr. Meeker is co-host and physicianin-residence of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk Radio. She is also Assistant Clinical Professor at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine and currently teaches medical students and physicians in residency training. She is board certified with the American Board of Pediatrics and is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Dr. Meeker serves on the National Advisory Board of the Medical Institute. She has been married to her husband, Walter for 32 years. They have shared a medical practice for over 20 years. They have three grown daughters and a grown son. She lives in northern Michigan.
Knowing This One Thing About Your Child Could Change Your Relationship by Dr. Meg Meeker What is your child’s love language? Here’s why you need to know. Dr. Gary Chapman developed The 5 Love Languages® as an assessment tool to discover how you give and receive love in a romantic relationship, a parent-child relationship, and in friendship. His book, The Five Love Languages, originally written in the 1990s, continues to be a bestseller today. The 5 Love Languages ® are: 1. Words of Affirmation 2. Acts of Service 3. Quality Time 4. Physical Touch 5. Gifts
14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
[ PARENTING ]
If you don’t know your love language, I highly
When it comes to quality time, remember, it is just that--
encourage you to take the five love languages quiz here:
quality over quantity. You probably already spend a lot
www.5lovelanguages.com
of time with your child, but how much of that is quality time? Your quality-time child needs your attention. He
While Dr. Chapman originally wrote The Five Love
needs to know you are present with him and are willing
Languages about couples, this assessment tool
to sit at the foot of his bed listening to his thoughts, cares
easily translates into friendships and the parent-child
and concerns.
relationship. Physical Touch: If your child’s love language is physical I have found that when a parent knows his or her child’s
touch, you may feel like your child is in your space a lot,
love language, it can be a game-changer for their
holding onto your leg, playing with your hair, or tugging
relationship. Do you know your child’s love language? Words of Affirmation: If words of affirmation is your child’s love language, words of encouragement will make him feel loved. Words are very meaningful to him. He will feel most loved when you look him in the eye and give him a specific compliment such as, “I really admire how courageous you were during your soccer game today.” Words of affirmation are important to most children, whether it is their primary love language or not. The words we say can make or break our kids. Acts of Service: If your child’s love language is acts of service, she feels loved and expresses love through serving others. This may show up by her asking you to do things for her, such as tying her shoes, fixing her toy, or
at your arm. Your physical touch child probably loves to be hugged and demands to be chased more often. This is because she feels loved when you hug her, hold her, put a hand on her arm or offer any kind of meaningful touch. A child who’s love language is physical touch needs to be touched in a caring way often. And, as this article points out, any touches that are not loving or caring—like a spanking—will be extra emotionally painful for a child who experiences love through touch. Gifts: If your child’s love language is gifts, he feels loved when you give him things—big or small. Gifts are meaningful to him. At his birthday party, you might notice that he takes extra care with his gifts, noticing who gave him what, and storing his gifts in a special place.
getting her jacket for her. This is her attempt to connect
As this article says, he will probably even notice and
with you, not make you her servant. As Dr. Chapman
appreciate how his gifts are wrapped.
says, you don’t have to jump at every request. Teaching your child self-reliance is also a way to communicate
As the parent of a child who loves gifts, remember,
love to your acts of service-loving child.
gifts don’t have to cost money. Your child feels loved no matter the size or cost of the gift, from a stick of
Quality Time: If your child’s love language is quality time,
Chapstick to a new puppy, she will feel noticed and
he feels most loved when you are interacting with him
cared for when you intentionally give her things.
in an undistracted way, talking to him about his day,
So, what do you think your child’s love language is? How
quizzing him for an upcoming test, or going on an outing
could knowing this change the way you interact with her
together, just the two of you.
and show her love? SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15
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18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
[ TRAVEL ]
WEEKEND IN THE WOODS AT CAMP NAVARRO by Elizabeth Kang If you’re anything like us, you miss childhood summer
Adirondacks and may choose a meal plan that works
camp. Surrounded by nature, playing games, making
for them, with the option for full breakfasts and dinners.
new friends and sitting around a group campfire at night
Meals are served buffet style by staff, just like a real
— all such a vivid and memorable part of childhood. Or
summer camp, where you can gather with new friends
perhaps you never got the chance to experience sleep
and enjoy a meal with fellow campers. Wine and beer is
away camp. Well, we’ve discovered a second chance
also available for purchase in the evenings.
to experience all the nostalgic magic of summer camp, at Camp Navarro’s “Weekend in the Woods.” This camp,
WHAT TO DO:
however, may be even better than the original, because
Children will experience all the magic and adventure
you get to share the experience with your whole family.
of an outdoor summer camp, including outdoor games, board games, archery, rock climbing, trail hikes,
WHERE TO GO:
campfire s’mores, and more. Adult fun includes art,
Camp Navarro is located two hours north of the
reading, wine tasting, hiking, bird-watching, scrabble,
Bay Area, situated in the majestic redwoods of the
stargazing, and anything else that helps relax, unwind
Mendocino coast, in Navarro. This one-of-a-kind, 200-
and rejuvenate. For even more fun, nearby beaches,
acre venue space hosts weddings, special events,
state parks and wineries are only 10-20 minutes away.
workplace retreats, festivals, and now on select weekends throughout the year, they welcome families to
WHAT TO BRING:
limited three-night-gatherings dubbed “Weekend in the
While lodging, hot showers, most meals and activities
Woods.”
are included, families should bring their own bedding, towels, toiletries, flashlights, portable chairs, and extra
WHAT TO EXPECT:
bedding if the weather is chilly. (The camp does offer wifi
These “Weekend in the Woods” events draw families
but cell service can be spotty.)
and friends looking to get back to nature and enjoy a fun-filled long weekend of summer camp favorites such
CAMP NAVARRO
as archery, nature walks, games, and even a talent
901 Masonite Industrial Rd, Navarro, CA 95463
show. Families can opt to stay in cabins, teepees or
inquiry@campnavarroca.com SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19
[ PARENTING ]
Lisa Sugarman is the author of the Boston Globe Local Bestseller LIFE: It Is What It Is, available on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble.com, at Whole Foods Market, and in select Boston-area bookstores. She also writes the nationally syndicated humor column, It Is What It Is, which appears in over 400 GateHouse Media, Inc. newspapers from coast to coast. And she’s currently writing the first of four books in the How to Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids (And be ok with it.) series for Familius Publishing. She lives with her husband and two daughters in her hometown of Marblehead, Massachusetts, a tiny coastal town of twenty thousand people crammed onto a small peninsula just north of Boston.
A Letter to Every College Freshman on Finding Your People by Lisa Sugarman Dear College Freshman, I see you. Even though you’re sure no one does right now, I see you. I know you’re feeling pretty invisible walking around your still-brand-new campus and your new dorm and sitting in your new classes, like no one even knows you’re there, but I see you. I know you’re there.I know that you’re struggling to find your groove and your people and how you fit in and it feels like it’s taking forever or that it may never happen at all, and I know that sucks. And I’m sorry. Because I know that what you want more than just about anything right now is to feel connected to this new place and all these new people around you. And it’s frustrating that you still feel like an outsider when all you want is to feel like you belong. But I’m here to tell you, as a former scared and lonely freshman over thirty years ago, and the mom of two daughters who have also had to find their way, that it’s only a matter of time before all the people around you will see you too. It’s only a matter of time until you won’t feel like
20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
[ PARENTING ] you’re on the outside looking in. Soon enough, you’ll be
experience you’re having is going to be completely
a part of the world around you. And as much as you just
different than every other kid around you. And you’re
can’t fathom that happening right now, you just need to
all going to find your people and your rhythm at very
be patient. Because it will happen.I know how badly you
different times, in very different ways, and in very different
wanted to step on campus that first day and feel like you
places. But the sooner you start that conversation with
belonged—like college was a pop-up book, everything
the girl studying next to you in the common room or
in its perfect place the second you turned that first page.
branch out and join one of the groups and clubs on
And I know how hard it is that it’s not. I really do. I know
campus or invite someone to get coffee and study
that all you want is for people to scoop you up and add
together, the sooner you’ll make the connections that
you to their squad and make you feel at home. And I’m
will make all the difference. You need to think of it like
also willing to bet cash money that you feel like you’re
this… college is just a smaller version of the big world
the only one feeling this way. But I can promise you that
around you, where you learn to adjust by putting yourself
you’re not.
out there and stepping outside your comfort zone and embracing the people and opportunities around you.
The thing is, what you don’t know and can’t see is that
This is your proving ground.
the vast majority of kids around you are feeling exactly the way you do, they just don’t want to admit it because
So please, for no one’s sake but your own, cut yourself
they’re afraid of being judged or looking weak or a
some slack and give yourself a minute. Cause it’s ok.
combination of both. Instead, everyone’s trying their
It’s ok to give yourself time to adjust and to settle in
best to project an image of being well-adjusted and
and to find your tribe, because they’re out there. Yeah,
settled, regardless of how unhappy they are on the
ok, you may have to eat some dinners alone in the
inside.
dining hall or spend some nights in your room watching Netflix until you find your people, but there’s nothing
You’ve gotta trust me, though, that all those Snapchat
wrong with that. Your people are out there and it’s just
and Insta stories you’re seeing all over your feeds are
a matter of time before you find each other. You just
only tiny slivers of someone’s life. They’re not reality. Those
need to keep an open mind and give everyone around
ecstatic-looking photos filled with people and red Solo
you a chance.The hard truth is that college can be
cups are exactly what people want you to see, not the
lonely and overwhelming and isolating, and it can take
reality of what most people’s life is really like in college.
time—sometimes a bunch of time—to adjust and to
You don’t know who those people are or how they all
find your people and settle into a groove. But you’ve
know each other or if they’re all even friends. Remember,
got to be willing to put yourself out there and connect
all these posts and stories have been carefully curated
with everyone around you, whether they’re reaching
to create the illusion that college is amazing, when the
out to you or not. Because what we all tend to forget,
truth is, most of these kids are struggling with the same
especially when we’re kids, is that we’re all searching for
feelings of loneliness and uncertainty and awkwardness
that human connection… that person to break the ice…
that you are. The problem is, no one wants to say it out
that friend to sit with or talk with or bond with. And very
loud. But the truth is, it’s normal. It’s all perfectly normal.I
few people will reject you just because you reached out
mean, sure, there are people who join groups and clubs
to make that connection. Some may not reach back the
and teams and have an instant community to draw on
way you want and that’s ok, because others who you
when they get to college, so they do feel a little more
never expected will.So, I’ll say the exact same thing to
connected when they get there, but that’s a pretty
you that I said to my own daughters when they went off
small percentage of the total number of kids starting
to school, Give it some time, be patient, and remember
their freshman year. Most of you are just walking in cold
that putting yourself out there and taking risks can be
and trying to make your way, and that’s not as easy as
the one thing that changes everything.
they make it look in all those virtual campus tours.Look, the bottom line is that college isn’t one-size-fits-all. The
Love, Every Mom SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21
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Let’s Get Brainy…11 of the Best Science Podcasts for Curious Kids & the Whole Family, Too! by Stratford School Listening to podcasts can be a wonderfully engaging activity that facilitates learning, reduces screen time, develops auditory skills, and provides learning opportunities outside of the classroom. Thankfully, podcasts made for kids are becoming more readily available and easily accessible. If your child has a smart device, they can listen to podcasts while going to and from school, in the car during family trips, or at home while hanging out or doing chores. Best of all, they’re free! All you need is a smart device, a set of headphones or speakers, and internet connection (or you can predownload episodes for your child to listen to). Looking for the perfect podcast for your child? Here are 11 of the most favorite science podcasts that will entertain and educate kids interested in STEM/STEAM or for those curious kids who seem to always ask a bazillion questions about science! SCIENCE PODCASTS FOR YOUNGER KIDS BRAINS ON! This award-winning podcast answers questions from kid listeners all around the world. What’s even better? A different kid joins host Molly Bloom each week to interview scientists and co-host the show. The show’s mission is to encourage kids’ natural curiosity and wonder using science and history and there’s no age limit on curiosity as episodes can be enjoyed by the whole family! BUT WHY? A PODCAST FOR CURIOUS KIDS This podcast answers all the “bazillion” questions that kids ask each and every day and it’s led by kids! But Why tackles topics large and small, about nature, words, even the end of the world. In addition they bring in experts in a variety of fields and have kids join the discussion and ask the experts their own questions. HOUSTON WE HAVE A PODCAST Is your child curious about space? Then you should check out this podcast from NASA’s Johnson Space Center. Each week they teach something cool about space exploration and life in space. Although this podcast isn’t written specifically for children, it’s full of fun facts and the discussions are easy enough for an elementary school-aged child to understand and fully enjoy. 22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
[ PARENTING ] THE SHOW ABOUT SCIENCE
fit. It’s fan fiction, in audio form. As their website states:
Cuteness overload! This podcast was created by the
“This is an alternate universe story, where Petunia married
inquisitive Nate Butkus when he was just five years old,
a scientist. Harry enters the wizarding world armed with
and is an awesome adventure into the wonderful world
enlightenment ideals and the experimental spirit.”
of science, research, and discovery. Now nine, Nate, along with his scientist and educator guests, explores
IMAGINARY WORLDS
everything from chemistry and climate change to
Older kids who love to read science fiction and fantasy
the human brain and bat biology. Nate truly does a
books will get a kick out of the bi-weekly Imaginary
fantastic job and if your child is curious about science,
Worlds podcast. Host Eric Molinsky interviews writers,
then this show is well worth a listen!
artists, filmmakers, and game designers about how they create fictional worlds and why fans love them. Molinsky
TUMBLE
takes on topics in half-hour-long episodes such as food
Described as a “kid-friendly Radiolab,” Tumble explores a
in science fiction worlds, the plight of androids, fictional
variety of science topics, from outer space and bacteria
languages, and more.
to dinosaurs and the human body, interviewing experts in the field. Tumble is hosted by Lindsay, a science journalist,
SCIENCE PODCASTS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY
and Marshall, a teacher. Most episodes run from ten to
Star Talk
twenty minutes long and can be enjoyed by kids of all
Astrophysicist and pop culture icon Neil deGrasse Tyson
ages, as well as their parents.
discusses astronomy, physics, and life in the universe with a new co-host each week. Co-hosts run the gamut from
WOW IN THE WORLD
celebrities (Katy Perry, Kevin Smith) to fellow scientists
Produced by NPR, Wow in the World delves into topics
(Alan Alda, Bill Nye) and everyone in between. Each
involving space, technology, and the human brain in
episode is about 50 minutes to an hour long and great
each twenty- to thirty-minute episode. Tech geeks will
for the whole family to listen to at home or on a road trip.
love episodes that explore 3D printing and artificial intelligence, and space lovers can learn all about black
Science Friday
holes and alien asteroids. There are also plenty of other
Science Friday (or “SciFri”) is a call-in talk show that
topics sure to interest listeners of all ages: What makes
typically broadcasts on public radio stations every
chili peppers hot? Can we make ice cream melt more
Friday, and is also available to listen to in podcast form.
slowly? What makes that sound when you crack your
Science journalist and host Ira Flatow discusses current
knuckles?
news on science, nature, and technology. Each episode is composed of two hour-long segments, and topics are
SCIENCE PODCASTS FOR OLDER KIDS
as varied as can be: voting, how genetics affect your
60-Second Science
sleep, theories on dark matter, and a week devoted to
Even shorter, but no less entertaining and engaging,
cephalopod science.
60-Second Science is hosted by the award-winning magazine Scientific American. Every episode is not quite
CULTIVATE YOUR CHILD’S INTEREST IN SCIENCE
a mere one minute; most are actually around two to
Podcasts are a great way for chilren to introduce science
three minutes in length. 60-Second Science examines all
topics at home and explore their interests and curiosities.
kinds of topics on health, animals, technology, and more.
So the next time your mind starts swirling and you start
This podcast will pique the interest of kids who might not
feeling overwhelmed by your child’s insatiable curiosity
have the attention span for longer episodes yet.
to ask questions about sciency things, just have them tune into one of these great Science Podcasts for Kids!
Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality This is not your typical science podcast, but if your kids
To learn more about Stratford School or to schedule a
love Harry Potter and you love rationality, it’s the perfect
personalized tour visit us online at stratfordschools.com. SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23
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Getting Help With Child Support by Contra Costa Department of Child Support Services The Contra Costa County Department of Child Support Services has a dedicated staff of professionals to help parents and legal guardians navigate the child support process. If you need help obtaining a new child support order, enforcing an existing child support order, or modifying a child support order, let our office help you. Our services include: - Establish parentage - Obtain and enforce Child Support Orders - Obtain and enforce Health Insurance Orders - Track payments and prepare accountings of amounts owed, paid and interest - Serve Income Withholding Orders (wage garnishment) - Use of many collection and enforcement tools If you are the parent or legal guardian of a minor child and the other parent is or should be contributing financially to the support of that child, we can help you. If you are a parent paying child support and would like us to 24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021
[ PARENTING ] manage your payments so you do not have conflict with
to establish and/or enforce your child support orders and
the other parent or guardian, we can help you. Let us
if you need to have your order modified because of a
focus on your child support case so you can focus on
change in circumstances, we can start that process.
your child. Our purpose is to listen to, respect and support our Opening a case is easy and there is no cost to apply
customers so that your children receive the emotional
for Child Support Services. There is also no cost for our
and financial support they need to thrive. We are the
services, except for an annual service fee of $35.00.
middle ground between you and the other parent and
And the Court will not charge filing fees for any legal
will do what we can to work in a collaborative way to
documents our customers file with the court that are
resolve any disputes between you. If we are unable
related to child support. The first step to opening a
to resolve disputes or changes to your order, while our
case is to complete an application, which is available
team of attorneys do not represent either parent, they
in both English and Spanish. Here are your options for
will gather information and evidence for both parties
completing or receiving an application:
and present it to the court in an accurate and impartial way. Some of our customers choose to have their own
- Online at www.turbocourt.com
attorneys represent them and we will work with their
- Download and print from www.cccdcss.us
attorney so that full and accurate evidence is gathered
- Call 1-866-901-3212 to have an application mailed to
and presented, but having your own attorney is not
you - Email childsupport@dcss.cccounty.us
required. In fact, the larger percentage of our customers do not have attorneys.
- Text 925-268-8429 - Stop by our office at 50 Douglas Drive, Suite 100,
Communication is key and our goal is to educate you
Martinez, CA Monday through Friday between 8:30 am
and give you all your options and walk you through our
and 4:00 pm
processes so you can make informed decisions for the benefit of your children. Every child support case has a
Once you submit your application, we will open your
child support professional assigned to assist both parents
case within 20 days and we will then contact you to
and that professional will listen to you and work with
conduct a telephone, video or in-person interview
you in every way. To talk to a child support professional
(whichever you choose). This interview gives us the
for more information, visit our website at www.cccdcss.
opportunity to get to know you, answer any of your
us and “talk” to our chatbot, Vic (Virtual Information
questions, explain how our processes work and gather
Center), who can answer most of your general questions,
any additional information we may need.
or click on the link for a video chat with a child support professional online. If you prefer, you can call us at
Once we open your case, we will take all steps needed
1-866-901-3212 or stop by our office. We are here to help! SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25