Active Family Magazine | September/October 2021

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021

KNOWING

This One Thing About Your Child Could Change Your Relationship

An Age by Age Guide to Talking With Children About Race

HOTEL SPOTLIGHT

MAR VISTA FARM + COTTAGES

Volume 8 / Issue 88

[ PARENTING ] An Age By Age Guide To Talking With Children About Race

6 Your Child Could Change Your Relationship

14

A Letter to Every College Freshman on Finding Your People

20

[ TRAVEL ] Hotel Spotlight: Mar Vista Farm + Cottages

10

Let’s Get Brainy…11 of the Best Science Podcasts for Curious Kids Weekend in the Woods & the Whole Family, Too! at Camp Navarro

22

18

Getting Help With Child Support

24

14 2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021

22

10

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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area

Publisher/Editor Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Advertising Sales Director Whitney Ignacio Whitney@activefamilymag.com

Social Media Manager and Sales Manager Trista Cambra-Flanders

Design/Production Teresa Agnew Craft

Travel Editor

Contributing Authors Elizabeth Kang Lisa Sugarman Dr. Laura Markham Dr. Meg Meeker CCCDCSS Stratford School

Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com

Editor’s Note We hope everyone has acclimated to the school year and are staying safe!

With a few months of warm weather left, we are still focused on travel. Be sure to check out our latest features on page 10 and 18.

Open communication with your children is important, but nothing is more important than understanding racial identity and acceptance. Check out the article on page 6 by Dr. Laura Markham for some tips on how to broach the discussion with your children.

Wishing you all a safe and happy September.

Enjoy your month!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com

4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021

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[ PARENTING ]

An Age by Age Guide To Talking With Children About Race

by Dr. Laura Markham "Your positive parenting model represents a gentler, more conscientious method of parenting than what I grew up with. But it also lays the groundwork Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone.

You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

for a better world, where people empathize with each other and try to work together towards solutions together. My friends and I want to be honest with our kids about the very real inequalities and prejudices they may encounter, experience, and/or witness, but we also don't want to overwhelm our kids before they are developmentally ready to comprehend these situations."

Regardless of our children’s skin color, raising children in a highly racialized society gives us as parents the responsibility to consider the messages we transmit to our children about racial identity. These messages are powerful in shaping our children's identities, relationships and opinions. And they will form the fi lter through which our children later interpret the negative messages about race that bombard us in our culture.

White families often ignore the issue of racism because it makes us uncomfortable, and because we assume that it doesn't affect our children.

But racism dehumanizes all of us. We can only end racism by talking with all of our children about how it unfair it is, by admitting that all of us have a tendency to judge people based on appearance, by pointing out the terrible

6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021

[ PARENTING ] cost to people of color but also to our entire society, and

up in a culture with institutional racism, so we (as white

by teaching our children that treating all people fairly

parents) need to notice any ways in which we might

matters.

inadvertently give our child impressions about race that aren't what we consciously want to promote.

Because we as adults struggle with these issues, we will often find ourselves struggling to know how to talk to our

At what age should we begin talking about race?

children about them. But that doesn't mean we don't have a responsibility to do so.

We need to begin talking with our children early. By kindergarten, many children have already formed

I don't think there is ever one conversation about such a

opinions about race, including valuing lighter skin more

big issue; we need to talk repeatedly about these tough

than darker skin.

issues on an ongoing basis as they arise. Sometimes current events will create the opportunity or the need for

Race is an intense topic, but we can have age-

such discussions; sometimes our personal lives will. But if

appropriate discussions from the time our children are

we want things to be different in the next generation, we

toddlers. Below, I'll give you an age by age guide to

need to begin these discussions in our homes.

talking with your kids.

Shouldn't we teach children to be color blind? I want my

Isn't it different to teach about race depending on what

children to know that race is not any more important

race your child is?

than hair or eye color.

You're right that we need to talk about this differently with I grew up with this idea too, and always thought it was

children of different races. Unfortunately, the experience

the best approach. But it turns out that the problem

of racism is a daily occurrence for families of color, so

with teaching kids to be color-blind is that they aren't.

it's a frequent discussion in many African American and

Research shows that children perceive racial differences

Hispanic homes. I'm not the person to give advice on

at a very young age and are curious about them. If we

that conversation, but I want to acknowledge how heart-

ignore those differences, children get the message that

breaking it must be to have to explain to your child that

race is a shameful topic and cannot be discussed. In

the color of his skin means he may not be treated fairly

fact, silence about race reinforces racism.

by our society, that he runs even the risk of death if he happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Another problem with the color-blind approach is that it invalidates the experience of children of color, who are

It would be facile--and just plain not true--to say "Stay out

all too aware that society is not color-blind and that their

of trouble and you'll be fine." It's easy to give examples of

race is a factor in how they are treated.

unarmed African American men who have been killed during encounters with police. Cory Booker, US Senator

Instead of teaching children to be color-blind, we

from New Jersey, was my son's age when he graduated

can teach children to be color-fair and color-rich:

from Stanford, was honored as a Rhodes Scholar, and

appreciative of all skin tones, advocating for fair

later was stopped by six police officers with their guns

treatment of all people, and empathic with the

drawn. They held him for half an hour as a dangerous

experiences of all people. We're all different, and that

criminal, barking at him "I said don't move!" while he was

makes the world a richer place. No race or color is better

on his knees praying and shaking. My children, who are

than another.

protected from such situations because of the color of their skin, would have been shaking and praying too, but

So go ahead and address race in a positive way --

would probably have tried to assert their rights. Booker

how wonderful that everyone brings their own unique

didn't dare to do so.

contribution to the world!

Obviously each parent will have a somewhat It's also important to understand that we have all grown

different perspective, so what we choose to say might SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7

[ PARENTING ] be different. I can only tell you what I as a White

your child's developmental understanding.

psychologist would say to my own children. Let's take this by age.

For instance, you might ask questions like this to begin a discussion:

TODDLERS You may think that a Toddler is too young to notice

“Have you ever felt like someone had an opinion about

race, and many white parents avoid mentioning race

you based on what you look like? How did that feel? Do

because they are afraid that discussing difference will

you think that was fair?"

create racist ideas in their children. However, research shows that toddlers already notice race and are

You can also educate your child about racial injustice.

drawing conclusions about everything, including race,

Don't feel like you have to know everything. You can also

all the time. They notice social status. They notice their

start a project to look things up and learn together.

parent's cues, such as friendliness or stiffening up when someone approaches. They look to parents to "approve"

Many White parents talk about heroes like Rosa Parks

when someone initiates at the playground.

and Martin Luther King, and about slavery. We also need to talk about institutionalized racism and about

When your toddler asks questions about race, don't

privilege. After all, no one is born a racist. Racism is the

"shush" them, even if the question seems disrespectful.

product of a racist system that is perpetuated with racist

Acknowledge the question in a positive way, such as

assumptions that permeate our institutions and shape

"Yes, Diego's skin is darker than yours. It's beautiful, isn't

our belief systems.

it? Everyone's skin is different."

These are tough issues to discuss, even with adults.

PRESCHOOLERS (3 TO 5)

Maybe the easiest way to teach children about them

Preschoolers are very concerned about fairness and

is with stories. So, for instance, my son (who is now in

believe that everyone should be treated fairly. They also

law school) told me today that he remembers a time

definitely notice race and draw conclusions based on

when we ran to catch a bus, when he was ten. After

what they perceive, so it's important to have ongoing

we got on the bus, I told him that African-American

discussions with them about race, the value of diversity,

friends of mine had forbidden their son to run in public,

fairness, and standing up for what's right.

even to catch a bus. They were afraid that a police officer would assume that he was running from a

Be prepared for questions like "Why is that girl's

crime and should be apprehended. (Former Attorney

skin brown?" and keep your answer simple, maybe

General Eric Holder tells a story of how this happened

something like: "One of her parents must have given her

to him when he was already a federal prosecutor.) This

that beautiful brown skin, just like you got your red hair

evolved into a discussion about privilege, which he has

from your daddy."

always remembered. Of course, over the years that ongoing conversation was amplified by my children's

If your child makes a remark that you think is racist, take

own experiences, such as learning that their of-color

a deep breath and ask them what made them say that.

friends were sometimes stopped and searched by

Use the opportunity to have a discussion about your own

police officers, when neither of my children were ever

beliefs about fair treatment, empathy and the value of

searched.

diversity.

Always end the discussion positively. Reassure your child ELEMENTARY SCHOOLERS

that change is possible, that many people are working

Children age six to ten are old enough to hear about

to make things better, that progress is slow but real, and

current events from friends or online, so be prepared for

that there are things they can do to help.

questions about race along with other current events.

You'll want to ask what they've heard and open a

It's important for children to think they can make even a

discussion about it, and then tailor your explanation to

small difference in addressing the injustices they see. In

8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021

[ PARENTING ] the next section, there are some ideas on taking action

Talk with your child about how he or she can take a

that your child may find inspiring.

stand against racism. Brainstorm with them. Here are some ideas to get you started:

PRETEENS AND TEENS With Preteens and Teens, you can go into even more

• Join a peaceful protest in your town.

depth discussing current events. You can also ask

• Donate to organizations trying to make change,

questions like: • "Can you think of examples of our individual or group actions and perceptions being shaped by racist ideas that we might not even notice?"

• "When we see injustice, we all have a responsibility to intervene. Some people call that being actively antiracist. Can you imagine being in a position where you need to take a stand against racism? What might be hard about that? What might you do?"

• "Are there smaller, every-day ways for us to be antiracist"?

protecting Black lives, or educating people about racism. Your teen can do the research to find an organization whose mission they admire.

• Send a letter to your local mayor or government asking what they are doing to prevent police brutality in your town.

• Watch Jay Smooth's Ted talk "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Discussing Race."

There are many resources online to educate ourselves and our children. Some listings to get you started are below. For most White parents, this is an educational

Preteens and Teens are exploring their identities, working

process for us as well, so don't be afraid to say you also

out how they fit into the world, and how they can make a

are just learning and are trying to understand.

contribution. Taking positive action to address problems

Hopefully, this will be just the beginning of an ongoing

they perceive and make the world a better place helps

discussion in your family. Good for you for being brave

empower teens and keeps them from becoming cynical.

enough to start it!

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9

[ TRAVEL ]

10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021

[ TRAVEL ]

HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Mar Vista Farm + Cottages Gather fresh eggs and pick-your-own-dinner at this longstanding coastal gem

by Elizabeth Kang City-dwellers, suburbanites and concrete-jungle-warriors, rejoice; there is a place beyond the smog of the city and streetlights that drown out the night sky. A place where freshly laid eggs arrive daily on your doorstep, and the sounds of the ocean lull you to sleep at night. In this idyllic spot, children are free to roam bucolic grounds, pet kittens, pick flowers and feed goats, and families gather around a campfire every evening.

This magical place may sound too good to be true, but Mar Vista Farm + Cottages is as real as the crashing waves across from it, and has been welcoming families, friends, and couples to unplug and unwind for over twenty years. This north Pacific Coast retreat blends the charm of “agrotourism” with the comfort of “glamping,” and feels somewhat like a family summer camp, with less structure, and more privacy.

In actuality, the place is what you want it to be, whether that means joining the group chicken egg collecting that takes place every morning, or enjoying a beach day — via the farm’s private street access. The charming yellow guest cottages include full kitchens and all the necessities needed to cook dinner every night, or there’s the option to simply drive five minutes to gourmet Thai food or takeout tacos. That’s the beauty of Mar Vista — you can easily tailor it to the kind of vacation that appeals to you and your travel companions, whether that’s a hands-on experience or a laid-back reprieve.

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ TRAVEL ]

A LITTLE HISTORY Mar Vista Farm + Cottages is owned and run by Christopher and Deanna Boettcher, who boast an impressive combined 50 years in the hospitality industry. That experience shows in the warm welcome they bestow upon every arriving guest, and the thoughtful consideration and care they put into each stay.

The Boettcher’s took over the farm after longtime stewards Renata and Tom Dorn retired after running the place since 2000. Originally, the land was purchased by a Hungarian immigrant to serve as a chicken ranch, and cottages were soon built and rented out to sport fishermen who fished for salmon and steelhead. Decades later, those cottages began to attract families looking for a picturesque, quiet vacation spot.

COZY COTTAGES Happily, not too much has changed since those early years, and the rustic, cheerful cottages maintain their olden-days charm. The comfort level and conveniences, however, are very much modern day, with free wi-fi, hot showers, plush towels, soft bedding, and fully stocked kitchens. Everything needed to make hearty breakfasts and farm-fresh dinners are provided, and there’s even a cute little store on-site stocked with local jams, gourmet coffee, s’mores kits, freshly made pastries and branded tchotchkes.

The cottages are available in one or two-bedroom layouts, each including a cozy electric fireplace, a kitchen table that seats four, a full-sized oven, range and fridge, and plenty of cooking utensils and small appliances. A small basket is provided to hang on your porch every evening, signaling to owner Deanna, who hands out the day’s fresh chicken eggs, to fill the basket. Guests who do not want eggs that day simply leave the basket inside their cottage.

THE GROUNDS Along with just-laid eggs from the farm’s 100+ chickens, guests are encouraged to sample the delights of the property's organic garden,

[ TRAVEL ] which serves as a central focus point on the farm.

This abundant garden overflows with seasonal produce, including (on my visit) a variety of lettuces, tomatoes, heirloom beans, squash, edible flowers, cucumbers, garlic, basil, and much more. Guests are welcome to come into the garden at any time to pick whatever they need for the day’s meals. I made a delicious, simple meal from the bounty my family picked — a salad from the garden’s lettuces, and a simple pasta of angel hair, olive oil, and the garden’s assortment of tomatoes, fresh garlic and just-picked herbs.

In addition to the thriving garden and hardworking hens, the property is host to three handsome goats, a friendly bunny, a rustic children's playhouse, a small pond, and three of the most friendly and playful kittens i’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.

(A highlight of my daughter’s stay.)

An onsite fire pit is stocked with wood nightly, and makes for a cozy evening gathering spot to roast marshmallows, star gaze and chat with neighbors.

SURROUNDING AREA When guests aren't making s’mores, gathering eggs or cuddling kittens, there is plenty to do within walking distance or a short drive from the farm. Just across the street, through the farm’s private gate and down a wooden staircase, lies Fish Rock Beach.

Here, morning tide pools expose colorful starfish, shy hermit crabs, spongy sea anemones and thousands of mussels that cling to the rocks.

Mar Vista Farm + Cottages also offers a shaded, family friendly hiking trail right on the property, with towering redwoods, lush ferns, and a babbling brook. It’s a short, quick hike but makes for a fun and pretty diversion.

Five minutes down the road in the town of Anchor Bay you’ll find a small shopping center with a few eateries and a market. Anchor Bay Market contains groceries, essentials and a few prepared food items like sandwiches and burritos, and next door at Anchor Bay Thai Kitchen you’ll find surprisingly great Thai Food. There’s also a small Mexican take-out place (Mariachi’s) and a coffee shop.

MAR VISTA FARM + COTTAGES 35101 CA-1, Gualala, CA (707) 884-3522 www.marvistafarmandcottages.com SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13

[ PARENTING ] Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician, who has practiced pediatric and adolescent medicine for 25 years. She is the author of six books including the best-selling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: Ten Secrets Every Father Should Know; Boys Should Be Boys; Your Kids At Risk;, The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity; Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: The 30 Day Challenge and Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men, (Ballantine) April 2014. She is a popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships.

Dr. Meeker is co-host and physicianin-residence of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk Radio. She is also Assistant Clinical Professor at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine and currently teaches medical students and physicians in residency training.

She is board certified with the American Board of Pediatrics and is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Dr. Meeker serves on the National Advisory Board of the Medical Institute. She has been married to her husband, Walter for 32 years. They have shared a medical practice for over 20 years.

They have three grown daughters and a grown son. She lives in northern Michigan.

Knowing This One Thing About Your Child Could Change Your Relationship

by Dr. Meg Meeker What is your child’s love language? Here’s why you need to know.

Dr. Gary Chapman developed The 5 Love Languages® as an assessment tool to discover how you give and receive love in a romantic relationship, a parent-child relationship, and in friendship. His book, The Five Love Languages, originally written in the 1990s, continues to be a bestseller today.

The 5 Love Languages ® are: 1. Words of Affirmation 2. Acts of Service 3. Quality Time 4. Physical Touch 5. Gifts

14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021

[ PARENTING ]

If you don’t know your love language, I highly

When it comes to quality time, remember, it is just that--

encourage you to take the five love languages quiz here:

quality over quantity. You probably already spend a lot

www.5lovelanguages.com

of time with your child, but how much of that is quality time? Your quality-time child needs your attention. He

While Dr. Chapman originally wrote The Five Love

needs to know you are present with him and are willing

Languages about couples, this assessment tool

to sit at the foot of his bed listening to his thoughts, cares

easily translates into friendships and the parent-child

and concerns.

relationship.

Physical Touch: If your child’s love language is physical I have found that when a parent knows his or her child’s

touch, you may feel like your child is in your space a lot,

love language, it can be a game-changer for their

holding onto your leg, playing with your hair, or tugging

relationship.

Do you know your child’s love language?

Words of Affirmation: If words of affirmation is your child’s love language, words of encouragement will make him feel loved. Words are very meaningful to him. He will feel most loved when you look him in the eye and give him a specific compliment such as, “I really admire how courageous you were during your soccer game today.”

Words of affirmation are important to most children, whether it is their primary love language or not. The words we say can make or break our kids.

Acts of Service: If your child’s love language is acts of service, she feels loved and expresses love through serving others. This may show up by her asking you to do things for her, such as tying her shoes, fixing her toy, or

at your arm. Your physical touch child probably loves to be hugged and demands to be chased more often. This is because she feels loved when you hug her, hold her, put a hand on her arm or offer any kind of meaningful touch.

A child who’s love language is physical touch needs to be touched in a caring way often. And, as this article points out, any touches that are not loving or caring—like a spanking—will be extra emotionally painful for a child who experiences love through touch.

Gifts: If your child’s love language is gifts, he feels loved when you give him things—big or small. Gifts are meaningful to him. At his birthday party, you might notice that he takes extra care with his gifts, noticing who gave him what, and storing his gifts in a special place.

getting her jacket for her. This is her attempt to connect

As this article says, he will probably even notice and

with you, not make you her servant. As Dr. Chapman

appreciate how his gifts are wrapped.

says, you don’t have to jump at every request. Teaching your child self-reliance is also a way to communicate

As the parent of a child who loves gifts, remember,

love to your acts of service-loving child.

gifts don’t have to cost money. Your child feels loved no matter the size or cost of the gift, from a stick of

Quality Time: If your child’s love language is quality time,

Chapstick to a new puppy, she will feel noticed and

he feels most loved when you are interacting with him

cared for when you intentionally give her things.

in an undistracted way, talking to him about his day,

So, what do you think your child’s love language is? How

quizzing him for an upcoming test, or going on an outing

could knowing this change the way you interact with her

together, just the two of you.

and show her love?

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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[ TRAVEL ]

18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021

[ TRAVEL ]

WEEKEND IN THE WOODS AT CAMP NAVARRO

by Elizabeth Kang If you’re anything like us, you miss childhood summer

Adirondacks and may choose a meal plan that works

camp. Surrounded by nature, playing games, making

for them, with the option for full breakfasts and dinners.

new friends and sitting around a group campfire at night

Meals are served buffet style by staff, just like a real

— all such a vivid and memorable part of childhood. Or

summer camp, where you can gather with new friends

perhaps you never got the chance to experience sleep

and enjoy a meal with fellow campers. Wine and beer is

away camp. Well, we’ve discovered a second chance

also available for purchase in the evenings.

to experience all the nostalgic magic of summer camp, at Camp Navarro’s “Weekend in the Woods.” This camp,

WHAT TO DO:

however, may be even better than the original, because

Children will experience all the magic and adventure

you get to share the experience with your whole family.

of an outdoor summer camp, including outdoor games, board games, archery, rock climbing, trail hikes,

WHERE TO GO:

campfire s’mores, and more. Adult fun includes art,

Camp Navarro is located two hours north of the

reading, wine tasting, hiking, bird-watching, scrabble,

Bay Area, situated in the majestic redwoods of the

stargazing, and anything else that helps relax, unwind

Mendocino coast, in Navarro. This one-of-a-kind, 200-

and rejuvenate. For even more fun, nearby beaches,

acre venue space hosts weddings, special events,

state parks and wineries are only 10-20 minutes away.

workplace retreats, festivals, and now on select weekends throughout the year, they welcome families to

WHAT TO BRING:

limited three-night-gatherings dubbed “Weekend in the

While lodging, hot showers, most meals and activities

Woods.”

are included, families should bring their own bedding, towels, toiletries, flashlights, portable chairs, and extra

WHAT TO EXPECT:

bedding if the weather is chilly. (The camp does offer wifi

These “Weekend in the Woods” events draw families

but cell service can be spotty.)

and friends looking to get back to nature and enjoy a fun-filled long weekend of summer camp favorites such

CAMP NAVARRO

as archery, nature walks, games, and even a talent

901 Masonite Industrial Rd, Navarro, CA 95463

show. Families can opt to stay in cabins, teepees or

inquiry@campnavarroca.com SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19

[ PARENTING ]

Lisa Sugarman is the author of the Boston Globe Local Bestseller LIFE: It Is What It Is, available on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble.com, at Whole Foods Market, and in select Boston-area bookstores. She also writes the nationally syndicated humor column, It Is What It Is, which appears in over 400 GateHouse Media, Inc. newspapers from coast to coast. And she’s currently writing the first of four books in the How to Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids (And be ok with it.) series for Familius Publishing. She lives with her husband and two daughters in her hometown of Marblehead, Massachusetts, a tiny coastal town of twenty thousand people crammed onto a small peninsula just north of Boston.

A Letter to Every College Freshman on Finding Your People

by Lisa Sugarman Dear College Freshman, I see you. Even though you’re sure no one does right now, I see you.

I know you’re feeling pretty invisible walking around your still-brand-new campus and your new dorm and sitting in your new classes, like no one even knows you’re there, but I see you. I know you’re there.I know that you’re struggling to find your groove and your people and how you fit in and it feels like it’s taking forever or that it may never happen at all, and I know that sucks.

And I’m sorry.

Because I know that what you want more than just about anything right now is to feel connected to this new place and all these new people around you.

And it’s frustrating that you still feel like an outsider when all you want is to feel like you belong. But I’m here to tell you, as a former scared and lonely freshman over thirty years ago, and the mom of two daughters who have also had to find their way, that it’s only a matter of time before all the people around you will see you too. It’s only a matter of time until you won’t feel like

20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021

[ PARENTING ] you’re on the outside looking in. Soon enough, you’ll be

experience you’re having is going to be completely

a part of the world around you. And as much as you just

different than every other kid around you. And you’re

can’t fathom that happening right now, you just need to

all going to find your people and your rhythm at very

be patient. Because it will happen.I know how badly you

different times, in very different ways, and in very different

wanted to step on campus that first day and feel like you

places. But the sooner you start that conversation with

belonged—like college was a pop-up book, everything

the girl studying next to you in the common room or

in its perfect place the second you turned that first page.

branch out and join one of the groups and clubs on

And I know how hard it is that it’s not. I really do. I know

campus or invite someone to get coffee and study

that all you want is for people to scoop you up and add

together, the sooner you’ll make the connections that

you to their squad and make you feel at home. And I’m

will make all the difference. You need to think of it like

also willing to bet cash money that you feel like you’re

this… college is just a smaller version of the big world

the only one feeling this way. But I can promise you that

around you, where you learn to adjust by putting yourself

you’re not.

out there and stepping outside your comfort zone and embracing the people and opportunities around you.

The thing is, what you don’t know and can’t see is that

This is your proving ground.

the vast majority of kids around you are feeling exactly the way you do, they just don’t want to admit it because

So please, for no one’s sake but your own, cut yourself

they’re afraid of being judged or looking weak or a

some slack and give yourself a minute. Cause it’s ok.

combination of both. Instead, everyone’s trying their

It’s ok to give yourself time to adjust and to settle in

best to project an image of being well-adjusted and

and to find your tribe, because they’re out there. Yeah,

settled, regardless of how unhappy they are on the

ok, you may have to eat some dinners alone in the

inside.

dining hall or spend some nights in your room watching Netflix until you find your people, but there’s nothing

You’ve gotta trust me, though, that all those Snapchat

wrong with that. Your people are out there and it’s just

and Insta stories you’re seeing all over your feeds are

a matter of time before you find each other. You just

only tiny slivers of someone’s life. They’re not reality. Those

need to keep an open mind and give everyone around

ecstatic-looking photos filled with people and red Solo

you a chance.The hard truth is that college can be

cups are exactly what people want you to see, not the

lonely and overwhelming and isolating, and it can take

reality of what most people’s life is really like in college.

time—sometimes a bunch of time—to adjust and to

You don’t know who those people are or how they all

find your people and settle into a groove. But you’ve

know each other or if they’re all even friends. Remember,

got to be willing to put yourself out there and connect

all these posts and stories have been carefully curated

with everyone around you, whether they’re reaching

to create the illusion that college is amazing, when the

out to you or not. Because what we all tend to forget,

truth is, most of these kids are struggling with the same

especially when we’re kids, is that we’re all searching for

feelings of loneliness and uncertainty and awkwardness

that human connection… that person to break the ice…

that you are. The problem is, no one wants to say it out

that friend to sit with or talk with or bond with. And very

loud. But the truth is, it’s normal. It’s all perfectly normal.I

few people will reject you just because you reached out

mean, sure, there are people who join groups and clubs

to make that connection. Some may not reach back the

and teams and have an instant community to draw on

way you want and that’s ok, because others who you

when they get to college, so they do feel a little more

never expected will.So, I’ll say the exact same thing to

connected when they get there, but that’s a pretty

you that I said to my own daughters when they went off

small percentage of the total number of kids starting

to school, Give it some time, be patient, and remember

their freshman year. Most of you are just walking in cold

that putting yourself out there and taking risks can be

and trying to make your way, and that’s not as easy as

the one thing that changes everything.

they make it look in all those virtual campus tours.Look, the bottom line is that college isn’t one-size-fits-all. The

Love, Every Mom SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21

[ PARENTING ]

Let’s Get Brainy…11 of the Best Science Podcasts for Curious Kids & the Whole Family, Too!

by Stratford School Listening to podcasts can be a wonderfully engaging activity that facilitates learning, reduces screen time, develops auditory skills, and provides learning opportunities outside of the classroom. Thankfully, podcasts made for kids are becoming more readily available and easily accessible.

If your child has a smart device, they can listen to podcasts while going to and from school, in the car during family trips, or at home while hanging out or doing chores. Best of all, they’re free! All you need is a smart device, a set of headphones or speakers, and internet connection (or you can predownload episodes for your child to listen to).

Looking for the perfect podcast for your child? Here are 11 of the most favorite science podcasts that will entertain and educate kids interested in STEM/STEAM or for those curious kids who seem to always ask a bazillion questions about science!

SCIENCE PODCASTS FOR YOUNGER KIDS BRAINS ON! This award-winning podcast answers questions from kid listeners all around the world. What’s even better? A different kid joins host Molly Bloom each week to interview scientists and co-host the show. The show’s mission is to encourage kids’ natural curiosity and wonder using science and history and there’s no age limit on curiosity as episodes can be enjoyed by the whole family!

BUT WHY? A PODCAST FOR CURIOUS KIDS This podcast answers all the “bazillion” questions that kids ask each and every day and it’s led by kids! But Why tackles topics large and small, about nature, words, even the end of the world. In addition they bring in experts in a variety of fields and have kids join the discussion and ask the experts their own questions.

HOUSTON WE HAVE A PODCAST Is your child curious about space? Then you should check out this podcast from NASA’s Johnson Space Center. Each week they teach something cool about space exploration and life in space. Although this podcast isn’t written specifically for children, it’s full of fun facts and the discussions are easy enough for an elementary school-aged child to understand and fully enjoy.

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[ PARENTING ] THE SHOW ABOUT SCIENCE

fit. It’s fan fiction, in audio form. As their website states:

Cuteness overload! This podcast was created by the

“This is an alternate universe story, where Petunia married

inquisitive Nate Butkus when he was just five years old,

a scientist. Harry enters the wizarding world armed with

and is an awesome adventure into the wonderful world

enlightenment ideals and the experimental spirit.”

of science, research, and discovery. Now nine, Nate, along with his scientist and educator guests, explores

IMAGINARY WORLDS

everything from chemistry and climate change to

Older kids who love to read science fiction and fantasy

the human brain and bat biology. Nate truly does a

books will get a kick out of the bi-weekly Imaginary

fantastic job and if your child is curious about science,

Worlds podcast. Host Eric Molinsky interviews writers,

then this show is well worth a listen!

artists, filmmakers, and game designers about how they create fictional worlds and why fans love them. Molinsky

TUMBLE

takes on topics in half-hour-long episodes such as food

Described as a “kid-friendly Radiolab,” Tumble explores a

in science fiction worlds, the plight of androids, fictional

variety of science topics, from outer space and bacteria

languages, and more.

to dinosaurs and the human body, interviewing experts in the field. Tumble is hosted by Lindsay, a science journalist,

SCIENCE PODCASTS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

and Marshall, a teacher. Most episodes run from ten to

Star Talk

twenty minutes long and can be enjoyed by kids of all

Astrophysicist and pop culture icon Neil deGrasse Tyson

ages, as well as their parents.

discusses astronomy, physics, and life in the universe with a new co-host each week. Co-hosts run the gamut from

WOW IN THE WORLD

celebrities (Katy Perry, Kevin Smith) to fellow scientists

Produced by NPR, Wow in the World delves into topics

(Alan Alda, Bill Nye) and everyone in between. Each

involving space, technology, and the human brain in

episode is about 50 minutes to an hour long and great

each twenty- to thirty-minute episode. Tech geeks will

for the whole family to listen to at home or on a road trip.

love episodes that explore 3D printing and artificial intelligence, and space lovers can learn all about black

Science Friday

holes and alien asteroids. There are also plenty of other

Science Friday (or “SciFri”) is a call-in talk show that

topics sure to interest listeners of all ages: What makes

typically broadcasts on public radio stations every

chili peppers hot? Can we make ice cream melt more

Friday, and is also available to listen to in podcast form.

slowly? What makes that sound when you crack your

Science journalist and host Ira Flatow discusses current

knuckles?

news on science, nature, and technology. Each episode is composed of two hour-long segments, and topics are

SCIENCE PODCASTS FOR OLDER KIDS

as varied as can be: voting, how genetics affect your

60-Second Science

sleep, theories on dark matter, and a week devoted to

Even shorter, but no less entertaining and engaging,

cephalopod science.

60-Second Science is hosted by the award-winning magazine Scientific American. Every episode is not quite

CULTIVATE YOUR CHILD’S INTEREST IN SCIENCE

a mere one minute; most are actually around two to

Podcasts are a great way for chilren to introduce science

three minutes in length. 60-Second Science examines all

topics at home and explore their interests and curiosities.

kinds of topics on health, animals, technology, and more.

So the next time your mind starts swirling and you start

This podcast will pique the interest of kids who might not

feeling overwhelmed by your child’s insatiable curiosity

have the attention span for longer episodes yet.

to ask questions about sciency things, just have them tune into one of these great Science Podcasts for Kids!

Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality This is not your typical science podcast, but if your kids

To learn more about Stratford School or to schedule a

love Harry Potter and you love rationality, it’s the perfect

personalized tour visit us online at stratfordschools.com.

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23

[ PARENTING ]

Getting Help With Child Support

by Contra Costa Department of Child Support Services The Contra Costa County Department of Child Support Services has a dedicated staff of professionals to help parents and legal guardians navigate the child support process. If you need help obtaining a new child support order, enforcing an existing child support order, or modifying a child support order, let our office help you. Our services include: - Establish parentage - Obtain and enforce Child Support Orders - Obtain and enforce Health Insurance Orders - Track payments and prepare accountings of amounts owed, paid and interest - Serve Income Withholding Orders (wage garnishment) - Use of many collection and enforcement tools If you are the parent or legal guardian of a minor child and the other parent is or should be contributing financially to the support of that child, we can help you. If you are a parent paying child support and would like us to 24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021

[ PARENTING ] manage your payments so you do not have conflict with

to establish and/or enforce your child support orders and

the other parent or guardian, we can help you. Let us

if you need to have your order modified because of a

focus on your child support case so you can focus on

change in circumstances, we can start that process.

your child.

Our purpose is to listen to, respect and support our Opening a case is easy and there is no cost to apply

customers so that your children receive the emotional

for Child Support Services. There is also no cost for our

and financial support they need to thrive. We are the

services, except for an annual service fee of $35.00.

middle ground between you and the other parent and

And the Court will not charge filing fees for any legal

will do what we can to work in a collaborative way to

documents our customers file with the court that are

resolve any disputes between you. If we are unable

related to child support. The first step to opening a

to resolve disputes or changes to your order, while our

case is to complete an application, which is available

team of attorneys do not represent either parent, they

in both English and Spanish. Here are your options for

will gather information and evidence for both parties

completing or receiving an application:

and present it to the court in an accurate and impartial way. Some of our customers choose to have their own

- Online at www.turbocourt.com

attorneys represent them and we will work with their

- Download and print from www.cccdcss.us

attorney so that full and accurate evidence is gathered

- Call 1-866-901-3212 to have an application mailed to

and presented, but having your own attorney is not

you - Email childsupport@dcss.cccounty.us

required. In fact, the larger percentage of our customers do not have attorneys.

- Text 925-268-8429 - Stop by our office at 50 Douglas Drive, Suite 100,

Communication is key and our goal is to educate you

Martinez, CA Monday through Friday between 8:30 am

and give you all your options and walk you through our

and 4:00 pm

processes so you can make informed decisions for the benefit of your children. Every child support case has a

Once you submit your application, we will open your

child support professional assigned to assist both parents

case within 20 days and we will then contact you to

and that professional will listen to you and work with

conduct a telephone, video or in-person interview

you in every way. To talk to a child support professional

(whichever you choose). This interview gives us the

for more information, visit our website at www.cccdcss.

opportunity to get to know you, answer any of your

us and “talk” to our chatbot, Vic (Virtual Information

questions, explain how our processes work and gather

Center), who can answer most of your general questions,

any additional information we may need.

or click on the link for a video chat with a child support professional online. If you prefer, you can call us at

Once we open your case, we will take all steps needed

1-866-901-3212 or stop by our office. We are here to help!

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25