Vol. CCLVI, No. 22 July 27, 2012
The New Hampshire Gazette
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The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle
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The Fortnightly Rant
Mitt the Mysterious If Mitt Romney had run against a field of old-school Republicans like former Senators Dick Lugar, Arlen Spector, and Bob “Bob Dole” Dole, he wouldn’t have had a chance. The combined weight of his polystyrene personality, his weathervane record on the issues, and his corporate raider career would have pulled him under. Instead, to his great good fortune, he was surrounded by the most spectacularly ludicrous collection of blithering idiots ever to sully a debate stage. And so, here we are: struggling through our fifth year of a fiscal catastrophe wrought by Wall Street desperadoes, and the Republican Party is going to nominate Willard Mitt Romney, a secretive corporate raider with a stratospheric net worth for President. Whoever he is …. Taxes, Schmaxes When George Romney released twelve years worth of tax returns during the 1968 Presidential campaign, news reports said the move was unprecedented. Now his son Mitt seems to be saying it was unwise as well. Romney père said he released so much information because “one year could be a fluke.” Mitt claims he has released two years of returns, for 2010 and 2011, but — shockingly — that’s not quite true. Mitt Romney did release his IRS 1040 for 2010 in January, and it was an eye-opener — or eye-roller or eye-glazer, take your pick. The damned thing is 203 pages long. Romney’s total income was $22,661,344 — about 596 times as much as the average American’s salary of $38,000. Hell, it probably cost him more than $38K to get his taxes done. Whatever he paid
his accountant, though, he got his money’s worth. His effective tax rate was just 15 percent. Romney did not, however, release a Report on Foreign Bank and Financial Accounts, or “FBAR,” for 2010. Huffington Post has reported that “it is almost certain that Romney did file the form,” since it’s mandatory for those who, like Romney, maintained bank accounts worth as much as $32 million in Switzerland, Bermuda, and the Cayman Islands; and the penalties for failing to file it are severe. Until Romney releases his FBAR, we’ll just have to take his word that his once-secret foreign bank accounts were all squeakyclean. The Wimpy Gambit As for his 2011 tax return, it has been released in the sense that Popeye’s friend Wimpy has paid for his hamburger — we’ll get it in October, or so we’re told. Clearly tired of having to deal with the issue, Romney left it to his Queen wife Marie Ann to tell the guttersnipes of the press: “We’ve given all you people need to know and understand about our financial situation and how we live our life.” As Memo Cordova [@m3mo] Tweeted, “Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what #YouPeople can do for the Romneys.” The Blind Banking For The Blind Shortly after the news broke about Romney’s foreign bank accounts, his campaign held a “town hall” in Portland, ME. Naturally the hand-picked audience was generally friendly. One brave woman, though, stood up to ask, “Do you think it’s patriotic of you to stash money away in the Cay-
man Islands?” The audience booed, but Romney shushed them. Then he passed the buck, explaining that he had nothing to do with setting up the accounts — his assets had been put in a blind trust. In response, The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart resurrected a video clip of Mitt Romney saying in 1994, “The blind trust is an ageold ruse … you can always tell a blind trust what it can and cannot do. You give a blind trust rules.” Tropical Treasure Mitt Romney has somehow managed to create an IRA that is worth about $100 million. As a wag pointed out, the average peasant-grade American, who is only allowed to put about $6,000 a year into his IRA, could do the same — as long as he maxed out his contribution for 16,666 years running. Romney’s campaign claims that
he derives no tax advantage from parking his IRA in the Caymans, but the Wall Street Journal seems skeptical. It quoted tax experts saying the strategy could have helped Romney dodge a 35 percent “unrelated business income tax.” Olympian Transparency Romney likes to tout his tenure as President of the Salt Lake Olympics as evidence of his management ability. It’s difficult to judge his performance, though, since the records are no more available than his FBAR is. When Romney took the reins of the Salt Lake Olympics, he promised the organization would adhere to “the most open documents policy of any enterprise.” But, as ABC News reported July 23rd, the archived records now at the University of Utah are still off limits to the public. Many others, including contracts with vendors,
Romney’s correspondence, emails, and appointment calendars, were probably destroyed, according to Fraser Bullock. Bullock is “a close friend of Romney’s who oversaw the process of winding down the Games,” according to ABC. He “has deep ties to Romney through not only the Olympics,” ABC notes, “but through Bain, and now as a fundraiser for the campaign.” Hard-Driving Governor Romney traded on his Olympics experience when he ran for Governor of Massachusetts — a job he seemed to value most as a springboard to the Presidency. When he left that office his staff bought and removed the hard drives from their computers, leaving nary a trace of emails or memos or other documentation behind. Why, it’s almost as if the man has something to hide ….
Gamble With Sheriff Szabo Four weeks ago we mentioned Frank W. Szabo of Goffstown, who had declared his candidacy for Sheriff of Hillsborough County and was expounding — with a little help from the New Hampshire Republican Party’s official website — on his rather eccentric view of that position’s allegedly expansive powers. Szabo has now informed us that in support of his candidacy he will — what else? — host “two Monte Carlo Night FUNdraisers,” complete with “four hours of faux gambling, including blackjack, craps and roulette. Heavy hors d’oeurves [sic] will be served along with a cash bar.” You know you’re living in the 21st century when a Republicanaffiliated candidate for a law en-
forcement position raises funds for his campaign with faux gambling. Important If True We’ve just received an important last-minute dispatch from Szabo. Headlined “No Such Thing As Constitutional Rights,” it maintains that “the Sheriff is the Chief Law Enforcement Officer in the county and has no superior.” Consequently, “[n]o federal or state agency has authority in the county unless the Sheriff permits it.” It follows, therefore, that, “[i]f, in the Sheriff ’s opinion, a proposed action is unconstitutional, the Sheriff is duty-bound, and authorized, to block it.” We hope the U.S. Marshal’s office, the FBI, and U.S. Postal Inspectors have been properly briefed on these fine points of
Constitutional law, because otherwise there might be some misunderstanding. Topped That If Szabo thinks he’s sent us the most impressive message of the fortnight, he underestimates our correspondents. On Sunday, July 15, God Allah* emailed us. “Hi,” God wrote, “This is a personal message from God Allah* to you. It may be the only message you ever receive from Me so please respond. “I, God Allah,* am here in the U.S.A. looking for a church or mosque, etc. to receive Me. If you know of a church or mosque, business, community, etc. avail-
News Briefs
Taxing Our Credulity Judging from the protestations of their friends in the Republican Party, U.S. corporations are being taxed too much. How much is too much? Any, apparently. Susan Ford, Corning, Inc.’s Vice President of Tax, testified before the House Ways and Means Committee last week, saying that “in 2011, Corning’s U.S. effective tax rate, including state taxes, was approximately 36 percent,” while its average foreign effective tax rate was just 17 percent. Based on those facts, she said that a “substantial reduction in the statutory tax rate is critical.” Which all seems just a bit odd since, according to Citizens for Tax Justice [CTJ], “between 2008 and 2010, Corning didn’t pay a dime in federal corporate
income taxes, actually receiving a $4 million refund to add to its $1.9 billion in U.S. profits during this period. And a more recent CTJ report found that, in 2011, Corning earned almost $1 billion in U.S. pretax income and once again didn’t pay a dime in federal income tax.” Your Congress At Work Rep. Darrell Issa [R-CA] was featured prominently in our previous Rant for his ludicrous pursuit of [in]justice in the Fast and Furious farce. He has made the news again for something almost as fatuous. Issa is now proposing legislation that would name U.S. territorial waters, which extend as far as 200 miles offshore, “the Ronald Wilson Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone.”
* Blessings and peace be upon Him.
News Briefs to page two