the b. quarterly
the b. quarterly
P h o to by G e o r g e M ay e r 2
all the ways in which we b.ehave
RECRUITER Juliet Jones, BA . San Diego | CA JulietJones@TheBQuarterly.com CONTRIBUTING EDITORS D a n i e l S h e r, M A Pa u l a H . C o o k s o n , L C S W S E N I O R W R I T E R S M . K . A n g e l e s G i n a M a r i e G u a r i n o , L M H C COLUMNIST D r. C o l l e e n M u l l e n , P s y D, L M F T CONTRIBUTORS Tasha Jackson, MA, MFT Chris Mullins P H O T O G R A P H Y & A RT G e o r g e M aye r, C h r i s M u l l i n s, V a f a K h a t a m i , K r y s t e l l G รณ n g o r a , R i ch a r d G r i f f i n , D o m i n i q u e M c G h e e, M o n a M o n a s h , M a r ya m M e h d i z a d e h S e d i g h , R o b e r t L e r i ch , R . G i n o S a n t a M a r i a , O r t i s , S o u p S t u d i o, Fo t o l i a .
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P s y c h o l o g y + L i f e s t y l e BQ6
FOUNDER & EDITOR IN CHIEF D r. B a h a r a k S e d i g h , P s y D, M A DrB@TheBQuarterly.com SENIOR CORRESPONDENTS D o m i n i q u e M c G h e e . Houston | TX DominiqueMcGhee@TheBQuarterly.com C y n t h i a M a l o n e, BA . Kansas City | MO CynthiaMalone@TheBQuarterly.com
SAN DIEGO . LOS ANGELES . HOUSTON . KANSAS CITY
There is a b.it of psychology in everything we do.
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© 2017 by The B. Quarterly, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. The B. Quarterly LLC and its editors reserve the right to edit and use, for prom ion and publication, all submitted material such as articles, interviews, advertisement, or any her related material turned in. All work submitted to The B. Quarterly LLC is assumed to be the author's authentic and original work, previously unpublished (unless herwise disclosed) in format submitted. This publication may n be reproduced, in whole or in part, on any platform in any format, without the express prior written permission of the publisher. The views expressed in the articles, interviews, advertisements, and general content of The B. Quarterly are those of the authors, interviewees and/or contributors and do n necessarily reflect the views of the editors, publishers, or their agents. All psychological, medical, legal, clinical and health related views, and all articles, opinions and/or information depicted in The B.Quarterly by its editors, writers, staff, contributors and advertisers are for informational purposes only and do n claim to be a substitute for any medical, clinical or professional advice or consultation. © 2017 by The B. Quarterly, LLC. Printed in The United States of America.
Photo by Richard Griffin 6
After Winter Comes Spring We’re all life travelers - at best and passing glances - at worst we all ultimately have the same story the details may differ but our first moment of spring and our last moment of winter will always be the same and fight as we might we will always be more alike than the ways in which we differ bonded in humanity by all the ways in which we b.ehave‌.
Dr. B. Baharak Sedigh, PsyD, MA
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desperately seeking someone who's not there
by Tasha Jackson
Years ago, I was traveling overseas with a good friend. We would entertain ourselves with an improvisational game. Often it would happen when we were waiting for a train, or struggling with a travel mishap, and needed to lighten the mood. So, we’d sit down and size up strangers. We were very discrete so no feelings got hurt but we would make up funny stories about people, often including some outlandish dialogue. The goal was to make each other laugh at some ridiculous tall tale about how a stranger (really) was a famed nail fungus hunter, or the cult leader of an underground Sudoku training group. It was just our way of getting through a bad transportation day, but it was also a gamedup version of what psychotherapists call “projection.” Projecting happens all the time in real life, often without people knowing they’re doing it. We project by assuming things about other people based on their looks. We project by placing meaning on other people’s actions. We project what somebody else’s body language says about their current mood. Our projections are usually pulled from our assumptions, bias, and our own life histories – of what we want, or fear to be true. In dating—projections are always part of the fantasy, and often part of a relationship’s downfall. Perhaps it’s our primal urge to procreate, but there is something in our brains that allows us to fall in love with just “the idea of someone else” rather than the actual person. People can fall in love with only a profile picture these days. It’s almost like our brains are tricking us into having sex, just so we can keep the human race populated. Whether that is 100% true, or not— guess what usually happens with projections? They almost never match up with reality.
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I have fallen prey to projections many times in my love life. You probably have too. The last time it happened to me was a few years ago when I was in the middle of taking some time off from dating. Love wasn’t even on my radar until one night when I went to a holiday party. I was recovering from knee surgery, still on crutches, and totally immobile so I couldn’t escape socializing. As an introvert, I felt like social prey with a target on my back. I knew I would be helpless when someone came over to talk to me. It’s not like I could casually sneak off on crutches, so I had to suck it up and smile. Then it happened. This stylish, sexy-looking guy approached me and started chatting me up. I thought he was cute and well spoken. I wasn’t blown over, but even if I wanted to smoothly escape, I could not! I was forced to converse with him all night. We bonded over being college athletes, laughed over silly culture mannerisms, and explored the various places we’d both traveled. When the party ended, he walked me (and my crutches) home through the North Beach neighborhood of San Francisco. We exchanged phone numbers and had an extended PG-13 kiss (which is all I will divulge of that). I thought it was a pretty fun night, but for various reasons, I didn’t think much about it. After all, the guy said point blank, “I’m just out of a relationship and am emotionally unavailable.” So, I wrote him off. But the next day, my curious roommates wanted to know who that cute guy was who walked me home.
erately
ING despe
SEEKIN
So, we got online, and hunted him down like we were the FBI. We found out that he (seemed) to check a lot of the boxes on my grand vision board. Simply because my friends were so enthusiastic about him, I quickly went from a “That was fun” to “Wow, maybe I should pursue him?”
Before this experience opened my eyes for good, I always thought if I worked hard enough, I could achieve anything in life, which worked out great in other areas like my profession or my college sports career—so why not with dating too? As unfair as it sounds, love is not a meritocracy.
Just by looking at his social media profile, and seeing his creative career choice, I immediately projected that he must be a really cool guy, which led me to date him for a little while. He was really handsome, well-educated, came from a (seemingly) good family, was successful, kind, worldly, he surfed, and he was artistic. I’m sure Cosmo would have said I had it all!
The hardest workers do not win the best partners. Looking back, I could call that guy an emotionally dead douche-bag but he did nothing wrong. He was just being himself and I was living in another universe.
But I didn’t have it all. Even though he looked good “on paper,” when we were together, it was never that easy. We often misunderstood each other. At times, he would be engaging, other times, I felt totally alone in the relationship. After a few months, I realized I was reaching for something that was just not there. I saw myself projecting who I wanted him to be onto him, but the truth was—we didn’t have much chemistry together. If our relationship had a spirit animal it was a mole or aardvark. Blah gray, of questionable demeanor, we saw moments of the sun, but usually hid in the dark. You wanted to like us but you just didn’t know how to. In the end, our short-lived romance was cuter in concept than reality. Although he warned me repeatedly he did not want a relationship, I chose to practice magical thinking instead of facing reality. I projected like a freaking IMAX screen. I thought—No I will change him. Just you watch! Ugh.
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I learned a tough lesson that day. I needed to look at myself—so I took a long hard look at my own projection tendencies. I realized that dating is rife with projections no matter who you are. Projections can be small like assuming someone you like belongs to the same political party. Or huge like—by your actions I can see you don’t love me anymore! Projecting may help you jump in bed more easily in the here and now, but it’s not all that helpful in finding love and intimacy. We all know how it feels when someone else misinterprets our feelings incorrectly. It leads to friction and misconnections (and not the good personals “Missed Connections” kind)—so do your best not to play the projection game in your dating life.
Tasha Jackson, MA, MFT is a San Francisco based Psych herapist who was an early advocate for the LGBTQ community, and one of the firsts to openly advocate for gay parenting. Find her @TashaJacksTweet and @Shrink_sh s
SEEKING
ately
KING
despera
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Love Lessons From a Goose Sometimes we could stand to learn a few lessons from the animal kingdom. Maybe, in a way, they have it easier than us – not so riddled with feelings of guilt and confusion – free and more accepting of their place in time. Or, maybe that’s just what we assume! Geese become partners for life, and unlike other bird families, they remain together post breeding season; it appears that the-goose-divorce rate is much lower than humans. These loyal beasts also make for great friends and acquaintances, if a goose is hurt during a flight, for example, two others stay behind with the injured party – until recovery or death! That’s some serious ride or die loyalty. These guys are experts at flying, with the ability to go far and high. Some can fly at speeds of up to 50 mph and go as far as 3000 miles when migrating. But these beautiful birds take chivalry to a whole new level. During long flights they also allow smaller birds to hitch a ride on their backs, you know, just to be extra cool. When it’s all said and done, geese also mourn the death of their mates – they do so in seclusion – and some spend the rest of their days on their own, refusing to mate again. Some, pair up again.
Limiting Loneliness as
We Age
Close friendships have been linked to many health benefits. Your good friends give you a stronger immunity, lower your overall stress, and improve self-confidence among other things. And, one sure way to lower our loneliness as we age is to invest in close friendships. Improving our existing relationship skills, and building close connections as we age, can turn out to be a crucial investment when it comes to our happiness in late life.
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Loneliness is not the same as wanting to be alone, or having alone time, both of which can be beneficial and enjoyable for many. Loneliness is about isolation. As 10, 000 of us turn 65 every day in the U.S., fighting off isolation as we reach our senior years is important for our individual well-being, but it also has significant societal implications.
joinpapa.com
One company is using technology to fight loneliness and give our aging society the helping hand it needs! An app for grandkids on demand. Yes! Papa is doing just that. Papa is basically Uber for grandkids. Papa connects college students to older adults who need assistance with chores, companionship, technology, lessons, transportation or other general senior needs. We find this idea brilliant and wanted to know more, so we got the chance to ask their Director of Member Engagement, Austin L. Burch, a few questions about this young but growing Florida company. If you are not in Florida do not despair, because they are expanding to 10 new states very soon. What inspired this idea …for papa? Papa was built to provide an incredible experience by supporting seniors and their families throughout the aging journey. Founded in 2017 in Miami, FL, Papa began due to a personal need that Andrew Parker, CEO and Founder of Papa, had with his own family. Recognizing the extreme difficulty associated with juggling daily life and senior family member’s needs, Papa was initially built to support Andrew’s own grandfather. Andrew and his family recognized how impactful and positive it was to connect their grandfather with a young, energetic, and enthusiastic individual. After the first visit, he knew he had something special to offer other families with the same need. What is the mission for papa? To provide an incredible experience to seniors by helping them throughout the aging journey. What has been the impact and the feedback, of this intergenerational contact…. What have you learned about this dynamic, so far? The feedback we have received and continue to receive has far surpassed our expectations. An idea originally created for a personal need has now shown such a powerful impact for both generations involved. A study recently released by Cigna states that the two loneliest generations are college aged students and seniors over the age of 65 and now through Papa we are providing companionship for both of these two distinct generations in such a powerful way.
THE ANTLER ROOM b y C y n t hia Ma l o n e
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CHEF NICHOLAS GOELLNER To take a simple ordinary ingredient and transform it from what it is, into the potential it has, is an art form. From plate to palate, these chefs are transforming what we think we know about proteins and produce and flipping it on its head. What makes a good dish, anyway? Is it always about comfort and familiarity or is it when your eyebrows raise, you do the classic head nod and lick your lips as you dig in for another bite before stating aloud that you are a fan. Chef Nick Goellner (who at the time of this publication has been nominated for a James Beard Award for Best Chef in the Midwest) and his equally talented wife, Leslie Newsam Goellner, are evolving the food scene in Kansas City one small plate at a time. After their meet cute at another local favorite, The Riegar in 2010, the duo moved to San Francisco together where they began an adventure which eventually led them to Copenhagen. It’s clear upon walking into The Antler Room that they have their concept and the personality behind it, nailed down. They have taken their love for California dining culture and their preferences and have created a space that is refined in its simplicity yet makes you want to shout, Norm! Because it’s a warm and welcoming space in the neighborhood. I could not pass up the chance to sit down for an in depth conversation about their passion for food, and their desire to evolve the food scene in KCMO. 20
Photo by Chris Mullins
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What a racted you to the chef life and what brought on your love of cooking? Chef Nick Goellner: The standard story is that people who love to cook get into the industry and I jumped into the industry without knowing how to cook. My favorite thing is the culture and the meritocracy in restaurant kitchens and the way a restaurant kitchen works. I’ve always loved working in commercial kitchens and it’s where I feel most comfortable. How are you bringing your experience in other cities to the way you do things here in Kansas City? NG: We got a lot of influence of places we love to eat. Not super formal and not super casual, places that are riding that line and that’s the most fun for us. Leslie Newsam Goellner: We definitely bring in a lot of influences everywhere we go. Every time we go out of town, I have a notebook with me. The set-up of the menu and the space was influenced a lot by San Francisco dining. California dining is simple, but they use a lot of influences and not every restaurant has to have the starch, veg, meat plate and we really liked that. We found that we just ordered off the appetizer portion of the menu because that’s where the food was more interesting. NG: I think it’s easy to get palate fatigue when you’re eating a large portion of something. Even if it’s delicious, you’re tired of it already, or that’s been my experience. So, we wanted to open a restaurant – more than anything else – the main thing that we kept saying was that we want to open a restaurant we like.
We tried hard not to care what anyone else would think which is hard because that’s scary – what if nobody comes? We constantly say we want to open what we want and what we wish was here and if people aren’t happy with it, we’ll find our people who do want this. In a metro area of 2 million people there are enough diners. We kept saying, we’ll just open a neighborhood bistro like the ones we liked on the east and west coast. We’re not trying to make a splash, never our intention, just a cool restaurant we want to eat at. We got a lot of influence of places we love to eat, not super formal and not super casual, they’re riding that line and that’s the most fun for us. We always try to run our place like we’re on an island and we try not to compare ourselves to anyone and always literally focus on what we think is important and ignore trends and the restaurant scene. We don’t put a lot of stock on what’s happening in the city. LN: We do what we want and what we like, and it’s worked so far. Our families were very skeptical in the beginning, mine specifically, both now, both of our parents eat here once a week at least. Well, it’s your world, you keep on the pulse, but it doesn’t drive it – NG: Exactly! LN: Sometimes restaurants change their concepts based on what guests say – they haven’t found it yet – and that can be a struggle.
NG: There’s a quote from one of my favorite TV shows of all time Seinfeld, and there’s a quote from Larry David and Jerry where when they were first trying to launch their show and they were constantly met with criticism, “This is too smart, people aren’t going to like this.” And what they kept on saying is if you treat people stupid, you’re going to get a stupid audience. If we tried to maybe make everything more approachable it would dictate who came in here and we would be stuck, and we would be unable to be creative because we would be relying on people who wouldn’t want us to be. That’s a trap that can happen. We want a dialogue with our guests, so we can adjust, but we don’t want them to dictate what we do or don’t. LN: We’re the ones that are in here all the time and if we are unhappy with what we’re doing, then what’s the point? Their experience didn’t just come domestically. Chef humbly told me the story of how he interned at the legendary NOMA in Denmark, an experience that he said, inspires how he goes about the creative process in his kitchen. NG: I wanted to see something that was out of my world view and work in a kitchen that had a strict philosophy I had never seen before and I loved every second of it. It was an important experience to me and I was inspired by how everyone was pushing for the same vision. I learned a lot about work ethic. I had never not worked in a kitchen where people weren’t working extremely hard, but Noma was on a different level and it kind of showed me what is possible if you really never stop pushing. I met a lot of 22
people who were doing really interesting things all over the world. It didn’t really influence me here because what they do is so singular. And what I took from it, more than anything else was just trying to be really free with ideas and not be afraid of failing. That was, I’d say, the number one lesson, never to fear making a mistake in the creative process because that’s an important part of it. Before that, I had been afraid of failing like I think everyone is and at that place, you don’t fail during the execution but when it comes to the creative process, their job is to fail over and over again and I was inspired by that. It also allowed me to feel more comfortable doing things the way we wanted to do them. How long were you there? LN: We were there about four and a half months. We were watching an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown and Nick asked if that was something he should consider, and I said, yeah, absolutely and I’m going with you! When you are coming up with a new dish, what is your creative process? Do you start with an ingredient you love, and do you build from that or do you just try things and see what sticks? NG: At first, we were just doing whatever worked. I’ve never been the Chef du Cuisine at any restaurant. The highest I had ever been was Sous Chef, so the creative process wasn’t really something I was really a part of, so we were honestly throwing things against the wall to see what would stick.
We don’t necessarily start with an ingredient or a concept, it’s always kind of a mix of the two. We might have an idea for a cool sauce and white asparagus is in season, so we might see If those two things pair well and if they don’t we might hold off on one and use another. So, the creative process isn’t always starting with a concept or ingredient, it’s a mixture of those two things. LN: And you and the two sous chefs, you all come from different backgrounds so it’s a collaboration of those things. NG: Yes, another things I took away from my time at NOMA which I had never seen anywhere else, was it was the first place where the creative process wasn’t one person that was coming up with everything and it wasn’t one person dictating everything, it was a team whose only job was to be creative and I tried to bring some of that back here. Sometimes I say yes, I like it or no, I don’t or sometimes I’m just the editor. There are also things I come up with 100% and things I maybe collaborate on with the two sous chefs separately so it’s a hectic situation. One of my favorite dishes at The Antler Room is the Shokupan with Foie Gras. It’s visually stunning and I’m not the only one who thinks so. It’s been photographed for publications local to Kansas City, and by me every time I order it ! What had to happen for that dish to become a part of the menu? NG: That was one of our sous chefs. He had been reading – we read a ton of cookbooks here, legit around 70 or more and we’re
THE ANTLER ROOM
constantly searching for things we haven’t seen before and always want to try techniques that are complicated and strange and the shokupan was a type of bread none of us had ever made, we’d seen it but never made it. He kind of tackled that and made the bread and the foie gras we already had on the menu and the rumtopf (German fruit preserved in rum) that was on it - That was something we always make every year with fruit that comes in season. The charred lemon gel is a technique that we took from L’Astrance in Paris, and the rest of it comes together with trial and error. We wanted crunchy and we landed on the pepitas – once we figured out the bread, and that was the most important part of that dish, the rest we tried to see what worked. So, I think that we try and make sure we don’t force things that don’t work just because we had that idea and Leslie is the same way with the cocktails and the wine. LN: I’m inpatient with that, with a lot of things I get bored easily. If I see something for too long I either start hounding them to come up with a new dish or I take the wine off the menu if I’m tired of it. NG: That’s a good point about the creative process. It’s not seasonality, that’s a component, that dictates what’s available to us, but we don’t think seasonally. We think what are we bored with and how can we change it? Once you start to be bored with something you’re not putting in enough effort to make it perfect anymore because you’re tired of seeing it.
With that in mind, what is your method for selecting the wines and coming up with the cocktails? LN: It’s just, would I drink this? (laughter) Well, in one of my first meetings with a distributor they had this whole catalog and it was, here’s your 10 by the glass options. Which chardonnay, which Riesling do you want? It made me sit back and think, I didn’t want to have the typical, this is what is expected list – I felt like our experience as a whole would put people outside of their comfort zone so why not do that with the wine list as well? You can tell me you love Cabernet, maybe I don’t have one, but I have something that’s similar and now you’ve been introduced to something different. It ultimately, with the exception of maybe 5% of our list now it is natural, well not everything is biodynamic, some wines are organic or sustainable, that happened because to me, a lot of wines seem stagnant but these have varying degrees of flaws so and I just – I felt like since we were doing and creating the complete experience of having unfamiliar things, it made sense. NG: I’m thinking about it and what dictates what we put on and don’t really comes down to that we’re not masters of our craft yet. We’re interested in stuff we don’t know about, so we focus on bringing that here That’s what we enjoy; discovering new things so basically the guests are along for that ride because if we were masters of a specific wine or cuisine, that would be our lane.
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LN: I’ve put stuff on before and taken a loss and give it as kitchen wine because nope – that was an experiment, or I end up putting it in a cocktail. But we don’t feel like we’re, and I don’t ever want to be great, but I don’t think that we would ever feel like we were, so that drives us even more. NG: We are trying to have, and it’s a cliché now, but a work life balance in this industry. We work a lot of hours and work hard but we’re not trying to sacrifice our happiness for anything. That’s also a big part of our creative process. There’s a limit to how much we’re going to make ourselves miserable for this place. LN: We want to have time to travel and we have cats now and a house and it, it has gotten more motivating to have a reason to go home. Last night we made dinner which we never do and had a bottle of wine, watched tv and played with the cats. NG: I can’t stand cooking in home kitchens. LN: He didn’t learn to cook that way and he’s not very good at it – especially when he gets roped into family gatherings to cook and when something has gone wrong he gets pulled into the process. (Laughter). That’s usually the standard process. Someone loves to cook and starts at home and then moves onto commercial kitchens. NG: Yeah, I think a standard story is that people loved to cook and then they got into the industry and I jumped into the industry without knowing how to cook so my favorite thing is the culture and the meritocracy of restaurant kitchens and the actual way a
restaurant kitchen works. It has a lot of flaws which people are starting to address. Sometimes kitchens can be abusive work environments but in general I’ve always loved working in commercial kitchens and that’s where I feel most comfortable. Where do you like to dine in California? NG: Well, Michelin guide left LA because it said there were no restaurants worthy of 3 Michelin stars. But what I would say is the amount of interesting innovative restaurants that aren’t worried about the fuss and frills of fine dining is what makes it such an important dining scene. CA makes it easy on the chefs there because produce is incredible and is available year-round. Chefs have taken it and ran with it. They are very innovative and the cuisine in CA now, the mash up is really exciting to me. There is not a formula. When we were in San Francisco which we also love as a dining scene – one thing I will say, a lot of restaurants in SF use the same thing which is because the champion seasonality so that’s why it’s that way – but in LA it seems to be more of the wild west in terms of innovation. Kansas City, up until recently, and maybe even a li le bit still, has a reputation of being a flyover city’, what do you make of that and what do you think of the industry here? NG: We feel personally there is a ton more space for restaurants to grow here. So, there is some feeling among restaurateurs, that there are too many and not enough people to support them and we absolutely disagree. I think there is a lot of space for new concepts and things. This winter was
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horrible for business, but I don’t think it’s an indication that we don’t have enough people but just that people were hibernating. People in this area don’t eat out as much but because that’s the way it has been, doesn’t mean it’s the way it will be, that is very short sighted. I think that the restaurant scene is evolving, and the diners are too and they’re doing it at the same rate. I’m a cookbook collector, do you have any favorites or ones that you find you continuously reference? LN: The Book of New Israeli Food – we cooked out of that a lot. By Janna Gur – she’s awesome. NG: It’s hard to say a favorite book though, but one that I’m always looking at is Sugar Shack Au Pied de Cochon Cookbook. It’s not a book I have ever used for any of the recipes or maybe cooked out of, but maybe that’s why I like it. It’s a completely different world and a unique concept. The book from those restaurants are always so great, it’s so well done. You’re able to visit the restaurant without ever going there. LN: There is another one you like that you do use recipes out of. You always say are – NG: Oh, yes! When we first started cooking at home, when I was younger, I would use the Balthazar cookbook. The recipes are iron clad. If you want to make steak frites or something, those recipes will always work. They’re very good.
What, in your opinion, is the most underrated spice? NG: Fenugreek. I absolutely have fallen in love with it. I find myself putting it in things where it doesn’t belong all the time just because, it works so often to make something simple complex. If you get good stuff, Fenugreek and the leaves are fascinating. We also use a lot of bee pollen here and it adds a different kind of savoryness. What does happiness mean to you both? NG: Happiness and what really makes us happy here, is when we work hard at something and then we watch it come to fruition. LN: When the energy is really good we’re lively, guests are happy, I’m very sensitive to the energies here and when it’s good I’m just, like, “yes” and he (laughs) always laughs and says, “oh you’re doing your dance.” You’re in your flow. LN: Yes! NG: So, happiness really for us, as far as our business selves, happiness is watching people enjoy something that is really really personal for us. Like we were saying before, we made this for ourselves and to see other people enjoy it is very fantastic.
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THE ANTLER ROOM Nick Goellner and and Leslie Newsam Goellner are special people indeed. The happiness they get from what they do is palpable. Even before I got to know them as individuals, dining at The Antler Room has always been a welcoming and special experience. The innovation and joy come through on the plate every time. It’s their home away from home and it also feels like mine, too. That’s what makes it to so unique and special because I know I’m not the only one in the city that feels this way. They have the ability to make each guest feel comfortable in a concept that’s new for most here in the Midwest. I plan on dining at their quaint space for years to come and I hope you can make it there one day, too.
Chef Nick Goellner & Leslie Newsam Goellner All Photos by Chris Mullins
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Oh Cider!
Hard cider is not as popular in the U.S. as it once was, but that is changing now. Cider is an alcoholic beverage made from the fermented juice of apples, with a process similar to the fermentation of wine. It’s documented that when Caesar’s army stormed through England in 55 BCE, they found the locals enjoying a drink made from apples, and basically took some recipes home. Who wouldn’t? The Food Network would be proud. Cider goes far back in U.S. history to when colonists first imported cider-apple-seeds to New England. But, in the 1800s, beer started gaining popularity and picking up a larger market share, as more European immigrants came to settle on this side of the pond. The prohibition years did not help, as during those years American cider production dropped by 76% and the once very famous drink started to drop off most menus and taste buds, often replaced by beer, gin and vodka — until a resurgence in recent years. According to CNBC, in 2009, hard cider was a $35 million market, and now it has rocketed to above $350 million. The UK still has the world's highest per capita cider consumption.
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Oh Cider! Guthrie CiderWorks
The Devoto Family, behind Guthrie CiderWorks, is helping Southern California catch up on their cider consumption by making some amazing dry and semi-dry ciders and using 100% West Coast apples, with all their ciders crafted right here in San Diego. We had the chance to visit their tasting room and meet the amazing couple behind these delicious sips, and see how cider is made. A cider loving duo whose own lackluster search for dry cider in the States prompted this desire to create Guthrie CiderWorks – to craft the kind of cider they would want to drink! All their ciders are made from all-natural ingredients, low in sugar, and they are all gluten-free. Very different from the sweet taste some imagine, these dry ciders are light and complex, allowing you to taste the flavors. We have turned into serious dry cider fans - you too should stop by and see them, and try a dry cider or two! g u t h r i e c i d e r. c o m
Changing the World one Tennis lesson at a time. a candid talk with APRIL BISHARAT founder of LOVE 15 TENNIS 32
Tennis teaches many life lessons in and around the court, and one young woman, whose own journey has been one of perseverance, and heartache, is using her passion for Tennis to make a difference within her community by teaching others the lessons she has learned on the court – lessons that often duplicate the lessons needed in life. Being an athlete is about endurance. Survival. Strength. The ability to face weaknesses in order to overcome them. Success at the cost of constant failure. Persistence even in the face of unbeatable odds. It is as much about training your body, as it is about training your mind. April Bisharat, Founder of Love 15 Tennis, knows this well. She has spent most of her life overcoming obstacles both on and off the court, and now she is changing the world one Tennis lesson at a time. April’s father moved to the United States as a young boy, and fell in love with Tennis as a child – but, life circumstances and limitations kept him from pursuing this passion. When April came along, he was ready for her ball and racket in hand! We had the chance to talk to April and hear her tell her story in her own words... Your passion for tennis…., how and when did you fall in love with the game? I was introduced to tennis at the young age of 2, by my dad. My dad loved the game growing up, but never had the opportunity to play. Being a new immigrant to the US, he had to work at the family business. He knew he wanted to give the opportunity of tennis to his kids. I loved it from the start. We had a small backyard at the time and my dad would toss me tennis balls and I would launch them over our fence. When I turned 3, we joined the local tennis club and by 5 years old I was competing in tournaments and playing tennis daily. My dad and I spent hours hitting ball after ball and studying the game together and he sacrificed many hours being out there with me away from his business and my sister, brother and mom - and for that I’m forever grateful to them. Tennis is one of those love/hate relationships, but the love, for me, outweighed the hate. Like many other competitive Tennis players, growing up you don’t have a “normal life”; Hanging out with friends, school dances, weekend fun isn’t a thing. 34
All Photos by Krystell Gรณngora
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Early on, I knew I had a big dream and a great plan to make my dream come true. I was training 2 hours in the morning before school, went to school (where a lot of my tennis peers had been homeschooled), went to a workout with a trainer, then another two hours on the court. After tennis, I had another few hours of homework, never missed an assignment and rarely got below an A. Tennis kept me accountable, focused and determined. I knew how much education meant to my parents, neither of them graduated college and they always stressed that education is key. and no one could ever take an education away from me. All this hard work began to pay off. After my freshman year of high school, I began to take community college courses rather than AP classes because I started to play on the professional tour. My counselor realized how important education was to me, but also was aware of my athletic aspirations. I loved taking those college courses, the majority were online. So, when I traveled around the world playing tennis, it was my escape from the court. I ahead in school, on accident. I was done with high school at 16, accepted a full athletic scholarship to UC Irvine and started there in the fall after some of my best professional results! That year I had to adjust to playing tennis on a team and juggling a full course load at a top university, it was one of my toughest growing pains, but I learned how
to be a teammate and my love for social sciences. We won the only conference championship in schools tennis history to date that year, regardless, I knew that school was not for me and transferred to the amazing Loyola Marymount University. I loved my coaches, the trainers, the professors. I knew this was a place I could truly excel academically and athletically. I graduated with an undergraduate degree in sociology at 19 years old, which was an amazing accomplishment, but that same year experienced one of my lowest lows having two elbow surgeries on my nerves and 5 eye surgeries from sun damage over the years. I had never taken more than three days off of tennis in a row since I was five years old, this year I had to take 9 months off to recover. I look back and I don’t even fully remember this time in my life, it was almost like a black out, because of how hard it was, but I knew one thing, I wanted to be back on the court and I was going to do everything in my power to be my best once I was cleared to play again. I had one more year of eligibility, I decided to get a Master’s degree in education and psychology. After only three days of practice, my coach, Jamie Sanchez, put me in at the number 1 spot and had confidence in me and I truly believe his belief in me is what gave me my best colligate tennis year out of all four. -->
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LOVE 15
TENNIS
I was physically fitter than ever, but most importantly I was mentally tough as nails. I lost tennis, my identity for 9 months and I appreciated every single second on the court, even the losses. After I earned my Master’s Degree, I moved back to San Diego and officially turned professional on the WTA tour. I had achieved my dream of being a professional tennis player after the tens of thousands of hours on the court and the tears and injuries, struggles and hold backs, I did it. Not only did I achieve my dream, I had a high level of education to fall back on, if that elbow acts up again! Well, I lasted about 3 months on tour before my elbow gave out for the last time. It was constantly painful, hurt to sleep even and the doctors said it would be a long time before I felt normal again. Tell us about Love 15 Tennis and you came up with the idea, and what made you want to use this platform to change your community?
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At first, I would tear up walking by my tennis court and couldn’t stand the thought of being on the court again, but slowly I knew this was my passion and it was going to take a lot more than a hurt elbow to keep me from this sport. Less than a few weeks after I stopped teaching school, I got offered the job to be the Head Coach at D1 Manhattan College in New York, at the age of 21. The idea of moving to New York so quickly overwhelmed me, since I hadn’t been living in SD for the past few years and the 3 previous years I had traveled a lot competing. I wanted to be home and settled in, I turned the job down and then got offered a job at Grossmont College, coaching their men’s team. A month into that, I got offered a position to be the assistant coach at Cathedral Catholic High School. I love coaching tennis teams and I loved everything CCHS Athletics stood for, and it was in an educational institution. Simultaneously, a good family friend had asked me to coach her kids. Private coaching was hard for me still, I missed playing so much, but seeing these young children learn and grow into the sport each week intrigued me. I knew I could make a real difference by teaching these kids tennis.
April in the early years with her father
Sure, I loved competing more than just about anything, but now I had the opportunity to spread my passion. I began to apply to teach at country clubs and tennis clubs and lucky for me, no position was working out, for whatever reason, I was not offered the positions I wanted. That’s when it clicked for me, what do I need a tennis club for? I will be the tennis club, and I won’t just have one facility, I will have a program that can contract out to as many facilities as I can get my hands on, the tennis club will be virtual and can be accessed at any court that needs my services! That’s when Love 15 Tennis was born. The one thing needed to be a tennis coach is a tennis court. I had a court in my parents’ backyard and that was a place to start, but being that competitive person that I am, I needed to grow. I started to reach out to hotels and Love 15 Tennis began to get contracted out to their hotels. It became a program that people and hotels could truly rely on. And I got busy! In a short five years I went from two students in my parents’ backyard to now having over 150 students annually and seven locations in San Diego. I direct private lessons, clinics, seasonal camps, over twenty USTA junior tournaments a year. Love 15 Tennis is The Official Junior Tennis Program of the San Diego Aviators and after 5 years as the Cathedral Catholic High School assistant coach, I became Head Coach for the whole tennis program. 42
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The guests I work with at hotels are able to work with Love 15 coaches in their hometowns where I outsource. Love 15 Tennis brings a true sense of family to tennis and the community. Most recently Love 15 has entered the non-profit sector, and presented First Ace in 2018. At First Ace we “find a way to win” for those who never thought they stood a chance. At First Ace we do bi-annual fundraisers through a tennis fest, which is a tennis clinic, tennis games, great music, DJ, prizes and more. The event benefits a non-profit of choice, such as “Build a Miracle” which I work closely with. It’s truly incredible, my first ever student, Daniella Benitez, found her passion, this amazing non-profit that builds homes in Mexico. She told me that my passion for teaching her tennis is what helped her realize she wanted to excel as a teenage philanthropist. Her passion for Build a Miracle has given many needy people the gift of a home, but more importantly the gift of giving and awareness for so many more. My dream has shifted. I used to want to be the best tennis player in the world and letting go of that dream was no easy task. I used to think I needed a new dream that didn’t involve tennis and who was I without tennis, yes it has always been my identity, but why is that so bad? I used to think I needed to be done with tennis altogether, Rather than letting it go, I’ve realized tennis is a game, it is a fun game and most importantly it is
my passion and my dreams and goals still revolve around tennis. There is so much more to tennis than being a professional, and the opportunity around tennis is endless - and I get to spread this, to the youth and teens, and adults of all ages. This is a sport that children and adults can use for fitness, it is something families can do together. It is a sport that can be used as a vehicle to raise money for amazing causes. Tennis is a sport that teaches so many life lessons and confidence. Most importantly this game is an opportunity, and those of us who are lucky enough to know tennis can’t help but to love the sport! Tennis is a game of physical but also mental strength — what life lessons can it teach us? Sacrifice - You can’t speak about life lessons and tennis without this word. Being good at anything requires major sacrifice. I sacrificed so much growing up but my family also sacrificed so much for me to be able to live out my dream. All the hours on the court, and time away from what most kids would have been doing, but it ultimately lead me to continue to live out a dream far beyond playing professional tennis. I am currently living out my dream, and I get to do what I love because of what I sacrificed 20 years ago.
Pressure building confidence - being an individual sport, tennis can take a serious toll on most people, especially kids. I see a lot of children who have trouble handling the pressure. I remember my dad telling me that I was lucky to be feeling pressure at such a young age. I did not know what he was talking about at the time, but looking back, I am able to excel under pressure in “real life” situations today because of the pressure I felt as a 7 year old. Overcoming this pressure on the court gave me confidence that most search for, for years. This confidence is a high that I can’t begin to explain, that being said, I have never felt so little confidence as when I had to quit tennis competitively. It wasn’t until I was able to appreciate how far I was able to go with tennis and how I am not even close to being fully accomplished with tennis that I found my confidence again, that same 7 year-oldlittle-girl confidence that no one could stop! Don’t stress over what you can’t control! There are some things in tennis you cannot control, the opponent is playing amazingly well, the wind is blowing really hard, the sun is shining in your eyes.. my dad would tell me, “You can’t control it, don’t think about it. But if you can control it, you better give 110% of what you got.” If you mess up have a Short term memory and move on. No matter how good or how bad you just played, there is another point coming in 20 seconds, be ready for what’s to come.
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Consistency - with any goal, being consistent will prevail. In tennis, if you are more consistent you will win. Work Ethic - I was not a talented athlete by ANY MEANS. My talent was that I was willing to work harder and longer than anyone else. I am not scared to work hard. I never said no, if a client wanted me at 5 am, I was there. Tennis taught me hard work DOES pay off. Love, Family and Community - This sport has taught me to really love and care. I have made the best of friends from this sport. I am one of many, thousands of people who sacrifice a lot, in some cases a lot more than me, for this sport and the dream. We share a bond that can’t be broken, my tennis peers know exactly what I am talking about. This sport takes you down like no other, but picks you up when you need it the most. The people I have met along my journey, that is what I am most thankful for - the lifelong friends who understand this experience, my mom, sister and brother who sacrificed more than I could have ever asked for, my dad for introducing me to tennis and instilling the confidence in me and always reminded me who I was when I needed it. And, this amazing community that has allowed me the opportunity to use tennis as a vehicle to truly impact people’s lives beyond the tennis court.
all photos by Krystell Gรณngora
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b. informed
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understanding self-harm
A Q&A with Charlotte Underwood a lived experience blogger and author, who writes about her own struggles with mental health to help others. She also uses her blog and her social media platforms to educate, inspire, and support. How have you experienced self-harm in your life? Self-harm comes in so many forms, I know that now. As a child, I would hurt myself physically and I guess I defined self-harm as that. As an adult though, I've learned my binge eating and over drinking is selfharm too. What would you want others to better understand about your experience(s)? I'm not an attention seeker, I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty. I'm not doing it for a statement. I self-harmed because I felt like I had no one to talk to, I had no outlet. I thought by hurting myself, I can't hurt others - I was trying to protect the people I love from myself, in the only way I knew how. What would you tell your younger self, knowing what you know now? That it's okay to talk, people out there will listen and they will care. You are not alone and what you are feeling is so valid, you've been through so much. As an author, you are open about your experiences, how has writing impacted you? Writing has really helped me come to terms with my mental health. It helps me deconstruct my thoughts and feelings. My head just seems a lot less scary when I can be face to face with it. The biggest benefit though is knowing that I can help people with my experiences, because I needed someone like that in my life as a child, to tell me it's okay and let me feel like I am more than my illness.
Charlotte Underwood Find her on Twitter @CUnderwoodUK
PREVENTING
burn out
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burn out Burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion usually brought on by severe
and/or long term stress. Burnout is a lot more intrusive than normal fatigue, and tends to make it difficult for the individual to continue functioning in daily activities. Burnout can happen in different areas, but inevitably the impact is on the individual as a whole, and so, burnout in one area has a way of bleeding over into other parts of a person’s life.
Some symptoms to look for: Exhaustion – Isolation – Escape Fantasies – Irritability – Emptiness – Frequent Illnesses – Unable to disconnect from work or stress-source.
Behaviors to help prevent burnout: Prevention is about partaking in behaviors that
counter the stresses that life inevitably throws at you – preferably as consistently as possible! Where and when you can ask for help. Talk to a psychologist or therapist if you can. Attempt getting some good sleep. Do something relaxing before bedtime. Keep your phone away from your bed. Add veggies and greens to your diet, and be sure to get enough omega-3s in your food. Eliminate, for the moment, work that is not necessary. Focus on what is needed at the moment and work with intension.
Be sure to get some activity in. Take the stairs. Take a jog or walk around the block. Give yourself 15 minutes every other day to dance. Do one thing fun, even if once a week. Allow yourself to do something for the pure joy of it. Try and enjoy it and connect with that feeling. Give yourself permission to rest.
ph o by Maryam Mehdizadeh Sedigh
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The Positive Behavior Factor Focusing on the positive, when trying to modify or increase an already existing behavior, is ultimately your best bet. Especially, in the long run. Positively reinforcing a desired act, or an approximation thereof, gives the highest likelihood of it being repeated. Put the focus and energy on what works to modify what does not. Any focus on the undesired behavior only pulls you towards that end. Punishing a bad behavior can ultimately only escalate into a power struggle, whereas positively reinforcing a desired action can only increasingly bring focus on what works, on what needs to be repeated, and what leads to better communication – and in a parent/child dynamic to a closer bond based on more positive interactions. One company creating tools for parents to help bring the focus to positive behaviors is Kudo Banz. Invented by a mom of 3 kids, Kudo Banz can be an effective parenting tool to help parents and care takers communicate with kids positively, while helping them shape behavior in a productive way. The concept works like a sticker or reward chart, but instead it is on a band that goes on a child’s wrist. Making it travel friendly and interactive. The band also has an interactive App to engage kids and to track rewards and unlock the ‘magic’ of the band – allowing kids to earn extra rewards for good behavior. We were introduced to them on Shark Tank, and we think Kudo Banz can really help parents improve their parenting skills, and help focus on the positive to improve or change behavior. Ultimately, this is a tool to help us change our psychology around punishment and fear when it comes to parenting - and to replace those negative emotions with rewards and motivation, and a sense of agency - while helping children shape their patterns of behavior. kudobanz.com
Chef
Penny
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Davidi
up close and personal
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Chef Penny
a sit down with
Penny is warm, intense, and passionate.
If you spend a few moments with her, you realize that she's also kind. She laughs easily, but there is focus and protectiveness in her demeanor, and she does not pretend otherwise. In a fight, I'd want her on my team. When not in a fight, I would enjoy her company, and still want her on my team. Many of her Food Network fans will agree with that sentiment. She is a favorite among the network's Celebrity Chefs with multiple appearances on some of their most popular shows like Chopped All Stars, Food Network Star, Cutthroat Kitchen, Kitchen Inferno, and Guy’s Grocery Games All Stars. She has also guest starred on several Bravo shows including Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules, among others.
She captures your attention with her energy and TV fans respond to her in kind. She's authentic, and spunky. If that's your vibe, you cannot help but love her. If that's not your vibe, well, she'll probably get you with her food. We sat down at her beautiful home in Los Angeles, a space that reflects her well, a blend of luxury and comfort that feels welcoming and warm. As Penny opens up it is clear to see that her family is at the center of her heart, and although food may come second only to them - the two are also very much integrated. A family with women who have the art of cooking in their blood. She looks at me and smiles and says, "You know, I've never gone to culinary school, I've never been formally trained."
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Chef Penny
a sit down with
The look in her eyes tells me that she knows the knowledge she has, passed down through tradition, love, and culture can rarely be taught. That kind of passion is felt. Personally, I think it gives her an edge.
Back in 2013, Penny joined US Foods in Los Angeles, California as their Culinary Specialist and as a new Business Manager.
During a previous talk, I remember her telling me about the endless hours she spent with her Mom’s cousin, known for her amazing cooking skills, preparing and practicing her recipes for the Food Network Star.
More recently she joined Sysco Foods as a Culinary Sales Consultant. And, excitingly for L.A dwellers, in May 2014 Penny opened Pump Lounge in West Hollywood along with Real Housewives Star, Lisa Vanderpump, with Penny in the Executive Chef and Menu Curator position.
“I took away the roots of the recipes with me. Then I brought an edge to it.” That line is hard to forget. And, it sums Penny up pretty well.
Penny is slowly but surely impacting our taste buds, adding a bit of spice to our foods, and bringing her mixed cultural background to kitchens everywhere.
A lot has changed since Chef Davidi made her first appearance on Food Network close to a decade ago. Her media platform has grown, and so has her extensive culinary influence along with it.
Born in Iran and raised in California, Penny was the first Persian Jewish Chef to be featured on many of the shows she took part in. Making it fun, for the growing
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A l l p h o t o s C o u r t e s y o f C h e f Pen n y D a v i di
Chef Penny
a sit down with
number of Americans of Iranian decent, to watch some of the Judges tasting MastoKhiar (Persian style yogurt with cucumber) or attempting to correctly pronounce Sumac, for the first time.
Doctorate in Chinese Medicine, and practiced for many years. “I’m still healing people,…with food.” She smiles at that. To her it's not a big deal, and that adds to her intensity somehow.
Penny, whose family moved to California in 1979, grew up in Beverly Hills and graduated from Beverly Hills High school, and although she eventually came to the realization that she wanted to pursue the art of cooking as her profession, her road to culinary success was not an easy or an obvious one.
As we talk of life, reality TV, and her daughters, I catch myself sinking deeper into the comfy cushions of the couch, slowly reaching over to the delicious date rolls put out on the coffee table. We laugh, and minutes later I catch myself opening up and telling her stories from graduate school days, funny encounters I have not thought of in years.
But, her success should not be a surprise, as she had already achieved success in other professions, and had overcome other challenges – though she had yet to fully tap into her passion for cooking. She will casually mention that she has a
That’s when I really see her ability to heal people, to feed them, to make them feel something. That’s part of what food is all about, is it not? The hospitality around food, part
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Chef Penny
a sit down with
comfort, part challenge, part art. She has put me at ease, in a conversation about her. I get it. I want to stay for Sunday dinner and eat whatever she cooks! A great meal is more than a recipe, or simply a set of mixed ingredients; it is a feeling being transferred through nourishment. An attitude. It’s always a translation of sorts – a perspective on a plate. We get a bit more serious and talk about the year she has had. Her platform and her brand continue to grow and with them so do the demands on her time. “It’s been a very busy year, a lot has happened, a lot is going on. But, it was also a hard year.” This has been a difficult year for Penny, as she lost her sister this year. Her voice changes. You can feel her pain, “It’s really hard,” she says. Her sister leaves a little boy and husband behind.
Penny comes over, sits next to me, and shows me the picture of a cute little boy smiling big for the camera. It’s hard not to hurt for his pain, and for hers. “He gets a lot of love from all of us. He has a lot of love” she adds. The framed pictures on display tell me as much. These feelings of grief and loss are universal, and yet so private and personal. We make eye contact, turning our heads, as we’re sitting next to each other. It is a reality that cannot be changed. And, it’s a pain that takes time. Talk of family continues as we slide back to our previous seats and she lovingly talks about the rest of her family. Penny, who is married to Jonathan Borsuk, lights up as she talks about him – her phone buzzes as if on cue – the feeling one gets is that they have a good time together, she responds to him about dinner plans as I continue to
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Chef Penny
a sit down with
bite into another date roll. Between the two of them, they have five children, and it all makes for a busy life but Penny seems to be thriving professionally, and slowly healing from her personal loss. She is strong and that is a lesson she is teaching all of us, and her children, every day. Chef Davidi is now a powerful influencer in the food industry, and can even claim victory against Iron Chef and James-BeardAward-Winner Celebrity Chef Michael Symon – that’s right she beat him in a national cooking competition. Her expert ability with spices makes her in high demand for menu consultations – she is often flown around the globe to help create or update menus. And, she expects quality, care, and professionalism if she comes to your establishment to eat. A seal of approval from her goes a long way because you know if she says something is good, it will be good!
I finally break down and ask about these date rolls I cannot stop eating, and of course she has her hands in that too! That’s right, she is bringing Persian and Mediterranean tastes to a larger market, in a convenient way with United With Earth – pre-packaged, healthy foods and snacks. Dates, figs, Persian cucumbers, nuts, dried fruits. Super healthy and tasty food, well packaged, with easy online ordering. A Persian taste for a modern world. It feels perfectly fitting. As I finally get ready to leave – she gives me a few packages of the date rolls and some dried figs to take, “No one ever leaves my house without some food!” I laugh, because I believe her. She accompanies me to the door to say goodbye as I thank her for her warm hospitality. I walk to my car, even a bigger fan than when I arrived, certain that Chef Penny will continue shaking and shaping our culinary world – and I, for one, am very happy about that.
CAPTURE the POWER in EACH MOMENT
FiveSe7enMarketing.com
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DA M E
Parisa
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One of the easiest ways to travel the
world is through music. Music crosses over borders and divisions and gets to the core of our humanity. It breaks down walls, it softens our sharp edges, and it keeps our traditions moving forward. Recently, UCLA’s Herb Alpert School of Music has added - a first of its kind Iranian Music Program to its prestigious degree options. Farhang Foundation has spearheaded this project, and an exciting news has been Dame Parisa’s participation in teaching courses through the winter and spring semesters. Known as one of the most influential Iranian classical musicians of the past 50 years, students have been lucky to have the chance to learn from such legend. We had the chance to ask Dame Parisa a few questions about this unique program, and the impact music has in connecting us to each other and to ourselves. Alireza Ardekani, the Executive Director of Farhang Foundation, also answers a few questions about the program’s mission and future plans. It is always said that music changes lives…, how has music impacted yours? Dame Parisa: Many believe that Persian
Traditional Music was created based on and developed for the needs and desires of the soul. This music targets the spirit and psyche of oneself, and if you listen to it with proper attentiveness, it connects you to the hidden part of your being, thus brings you closer to your true self. In my 20s, I had an ever-present thrust, derived from my soul, for meaning.
All Photos by V a f a K h a t a m i Courtesy of Farhang Foundation 74
I became attracted to this kind of music. Through that pursuit, many doors opened to me. I was able to move beyond superficial beauties and reached the realm of pure aesthetics—the realm that cannot be sensed through biological senses. My world-view changed fundamentally and I rethought my vision and way of life, based on my new findings. This year students at UCLA's Herb Alpert School of Music have the honor of learning directly from you – what would be your greatest advice to this new generation pursuing their love of music? With my new students, I always start by asking what is your motivation is for pursuing this music? Why do you want to learn this type of music? I often advise them that Persian Classical Music is a serious discipline and requires tireless effort, patience, and grit. It should not be treated casually or recreationally. I discourage them from thinking they would learn something quickly that can utilize for material gains. There is an invisible dimension to this music that to which technical mastery and artistic direction come as secondary. I also encourage them, in order to understand these concepts better, get a better grasp of Persian Literature. I believe that Persian Music and Persian Literature are tightly knitted together. Music breaks away barriers between people, between cultures and even generations – why is music so crucial to our human connection, would you say? There is a quote by Ostad Elahi—an influential Iranian thinker, jurist, and musician—
All Photos by V a f a K h a t a m i Courtesy of Farhang Foundation 76
A display at the yearly Nowruz celebration held by Farhang Foundation in Los Angeles marking the beginning of Spring
that says: "Music is related to the soul, and the soul is related to the Source." I think that explains it pretty well. In mystical stories, it is said when Adam's body was created, it remained without a celestial soul for quite some time since the soul had an aversion to entering it. It was not until a group of archangels entered Adam's body and began to play music that the soul was overcome with excitement and ecstasy, thus entering the body. Maybe that's why music is universally appreciated. Because of its universality, I put music in a different category from other art forms. Farhang Foundation has recently established an Iranian Music Program at UCLA's Herb Alpert School of Music – nothing captures the essence of humanity quite like music – what has been the vision in creating this program? Alireza Ardekani: Farhang Foundation’s mission is to promote and celebrate Iranian art and culture for the benefit of the community at large, and we have done so by collaborating with various established academic and cultural organizations in Southern California on various cultural, artistic and academic programs. Iranian music is one of the most celebrated elements of Iranian culture, and it was astonishing that no university outside if Iran provided a degree program specializing in Iranian music. Our late Chairman, Mr. Ahmad Gramian was very passionate about music, especially Iranian music, and he lead the charge to make this dream a reality, to have the first ever Iranian music degree program established at UCLA. This was a monumental task, which drew support from the entire Iranian American community who generously helped
support this program by Farhang Foundation. Through this program we can now guarantee that generations of students will have the opportunity to not only learn about the beautiful music of Iran, but also expand their academic careers to further understand of Iran and Iranian culture. We are also proud to provide an opportunity to invite masterful musicians such as Dame Parisa and Master Pejman Hadadi to join the program at UCLA as guest lecturers, which further enriches the program and creates such a huge benefit and exceptional experience to the UCLA students. What is the current focus of the program? Any plans on expanding it to more universities? The proposed minor would advance the study and performance of Iranian music at UCLA and create new opportunities to engage students across all majors on campus. It also would extend the campus' existing strength in Iranian studies — UCLA offers the nation's largest and most comprehensive doctoral program of its kind. The minor would have a fitting home within the school of music's renowned department of ethnomusicology, which is dedicated to the study of world music from all parts of the globe. We would love to expand the program to more universities, similar to how we have expanded our Iranian Studies initiative, which started at USC and then expanded to UC Irvine. Everything Farhang undertakes is considered with precision and detailed evaluation in order to ensure absolute success, and any possible expansion will have to follow suit.
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dominique McGhee
DOM takes on
MEXICO CITY an interactive story told in photographs
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Mexico City
There’s an Asian Proverb that states it’s, “better to see something once than to hear about it a thousand times.” For the past few years, Mexico City’s visibility has grown as it has become an uber popular travel destination; especially due to its close proximity to Houston. Only a short 2-hour flight away from Houston, it is easy to squeeze in a weekend in Mexico City to explore all that the city has to offer. A quick internet search will show you that Mexico City has consistently been named for some of the top restaurants, bars, and hotels in the world. Beyond the doors of the airplane await a vibrant city with rich culture, sights, food, and hospitality; truly magical in its own special way. There are sooooo many ways to experience Mexico City, and there’s certainly not enough time to squeeze everything into just 48 hours, but here’s a little view of what you can do with just a weekend in CDMX. Can you name the places we saw?
Mexico City Tag us @TheBQuarterly to show us your pictures of #CDMX #showusyourcdmx
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Mexico City
guess where we went & what we had
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Mexico City
guess where we went and what we had or just #showusyourcdmx for a chance to win a one year membership! @TheBQuarterly
a new highway to highwayvodka.com
Heaven
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Please drink responsibly. Adults 21 and older. Do n drink and drive. Alcohol by Vol 40%. Houston, Texas.
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b y C y n t hi a Ma l o n e
Flying Solo in NEW YORK CITY
If there’s any place to go alone, New York is it. I have been many times before but not on my own. The first time when I was 17. My best friend and I scrimped and saved. I spent most my weeks pulling double-shifts waiting tables at the local diner all summer to go on this trip. I remember we stayed at the Marriott Marquis on Times Square and we felt so cool. I don’t recall much of that trip but I do remember feeling invincible; like in New York all possibilities are endless. Each time I’ve visited this spectacular city, it’s been during a different stage of my life. I returned a few years later on a honeymoon, then again for a weekend trip with my exhusband. Another time in a new relationship and finally alone. And I tell you, I had the best time by myself. There is something so freeing about not knowing a soul and no one knowing you. Your path your decisions are your own and if you want to stand in front of X at The Met for 25 minutes, then that’s your prerogative. The first thing I’ll tell you is that you can’t be afraid to sit alone. At a bar, at a restaurant, at a play. You have to just put yourself out there. I haven’t always had this personality trait, it took time. Coffee shops were always safe territory, lunch is fine but dinner? Dinner alone is hard. Dinner alone is daunting. But what’s the alternative? My first dinner alone in New York was probably the most delicious Italian pasta dish I have ever had. Pillows of fluffy gnocchi in a light cream sauce was delicate, savory and I savored each bite. Don Angie in Greenwich Village is a sexy spot. Dim lighting, marble bar, superior service and quite intimate. I sat at the bar, the sun going down outside cast a warm glow in the restaurant.
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I was there on a Sunday night. Sunday nights are special to me. Sundays have always been centered around family and friends. Dining together, laughing, the wine flowing – this is exactly what was happening all around me. In fact, sitting next to me at the bar was a mother, father and their two sons. They were swapping family stories and sharing Don Angie’s famous rolled lasagna. For a moment I felt a pang, as I wished I were sharing this experience with someone. I sent a text to the friend who had recommended this place, “Wish you were here with me.” I said as I lifted the wine glass to my lips. “The wine is delicious and this place is very romantic.” Seated to my right was a couple on a date. I tried to figure out if this was new or if they were in it for a while. I observed. I thought about my own relationships. I finally gave in to the fact that I was there in this beautiful space and that I ought to enjoy it. And that’s how solo traveling usually is. There are highs and lows but if you open yourself up – so much magic can happen. And magic did happen on the streets of New York that week. After dinner, I walked down the street deciding what to do next. I came across a comedy club and went in. There was a waitlist for the show, but I had nothing else to do so I waited. In line, I made friends with a woman who had up and decided to move to New York twenty years ago and never looked back. “I have the best life here!” she said. She was single and like me, alone at this comedy club. We ended up getting in and we were sat together on this couch in the back. The show was wonderful and we had a great time.
NEW YORK CITY
At intermission we talked about life in the city, her past, my present and she gave me recommendations on things to do that evening. Before we parted she said “New York needs people like you. Maybe you should move here.” A conversation like that would never have happened if I hadn’t been alone. The best thing about the city is the walkability. Popping into random places, seeing what the locals see, you run into all kinds of places Yelp could never tell you about.
We made our way to Las Ramblas, an intimate and sexy bar in the village known for their wine and Basque Tapas.
And in New York, people talk to each other. Sitting at a bar in the early evening, led me to meet a group of people who let me spend the rest of the night with them. They showed me around the city and their favorite hot spots. We bounced from bar to bar until the wee hours of the morning, the sun rising and casting a brilliant glow on the cityscape.
The girl’s eyes widened as her date also got in on the hot gossip. Her boyfriend continued, “He must really dig you if he’s taking you there. It’s reservation only and it’s probably why he’s going out – they call you when your spot is ready.” I raised my eyebrows out of curiosity.
Despite these fun and random meetings, I was alone most of the time. I’d get up in the morning and wouldn’t get back home until late that night. Too much to do and explore. One afternoon after spending the day going from borough to borough, I swiped right on a handsome man who worked for Conde Nast. After some chatting we decided to meet. We joked about telling our future children we actually met at Whole Foods so when we were deciding where to meet, I figured that would be the place to start. It was a cool evening that was filled with the kind of magic only a New York night can bring.
But, my handsome date kept getting up to leave to take calls, and as we were a communal table with a few others as intrigued as I was by this gentleman, a woman leaned over to me and asked, “Are you two on a first date?” she said, biting her lip and raising her eye brows. “Oh yes, we are. But he keeps leaving...” I said, laughing as I turned to look out the door. “Oh he’s for sure taking you to Dear Irving.”
Moments later we were saying goodbye to the new friends at the table and he took my hand and led me to that very spot. Past the velvet red curtains and into the room that was dripping with chandeliers, the 1920s Golden Era Gatsby Room was straight out of my dream. Sitting on the sofa, we had to order by flipping a switch on the wall next to us. It was all very glam and I loved it. The rest of the night was more of the same but each place unique and special. We bounced from one place to another talking all the way about things big and small. I met a few wonderful people on my trip in New York and it made the experience such a divine one.
The greatest lesson learned on this solo venture is that I should have done this sooner. There is plenty of time in life to be selfless but taking a trip is a very nurturing thing to do for yourself. Self-awareness is achieved by truly getting to know yourself in many different environments and situations. I spent all my life planning adventures around myself and another. This trip was all about my tastes and desires and it was the very first time in my entire life I did something only for me. Liberating, slightly terrifying but only at first and as a friend said to me the other night – brazen. Getting out of my comfort zone and doing something that pushes me to know myself better, and for the first time purposefully getting inside my own head in a new place on my own. New York is a mecca of talent and possibility and a genuinely amazing place to explore. If you go alone, embrace it, own it and value it. And, if you’re single and also want a little company, don’t be afraid to swipe right! Here are a few places to try
Café Lalo
Sound familiar? It’s the quaint café with amazing desserts featured in You’ve Got Mail. Meg Ryan is supposed to meet (username here) which is really Tom Hanks. This place has been on my NYC bucket list for ages but somehow I never made it. It’s kind of a trek but oh so worth it. The cheesecake is divine. Make the trip.
Dear Irving: Gramercy Park
By far my favorite spot. Divided into four rooms (not Tarantino style), this speakeasy is inspired by Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris, it delivers just that. The 19060s Mad Men Style leather and brass room, the 1860 Abraham Lincoln room, the 1920s Golden 92
and sexy velvet and the Marie Antoinette room that will make you feel like a queen indeed. Transported back in time you will be.
Aux Espices: Chinatown
Malaysian and French fusion of your dreams. Tucked away down a little street in the heart of Chinatown sits a fairytale of a place that you must seek out. Spice-laden French flavors blend in perfect harmony and you’ll wonder why this hasn’t occurred to anyone else yet. A hidden gem in a bustling city that your palate will thank you for trying.
Joanee Trattoria: UES
Owned by Lady Gaga’s family, Joanne Trattoria is a little Italian spot that I learned is a favorite of the locals. Offering family style pasta dishes, this place is a look into the Italian family Lady Gaga always mentions. I sat at the bar for Happy Hour on my last night in the city and met a man who stops in every Monday night while his girls are at their music lessons. He said there are two women that also come in every Monday night for dinner and then make their way to a movie. “They’ve been doing this for years.” He said, this place is another home for people in this neighborhood, including a British transplant like myself. Get Lost on West 10th Street:
Past the Flat Iron District, this is a quaint neighborhood within the city. So much charm and character and rows of brownstones and townhomes – this little street is away from the hustle and bustle and gives you a taste of the simple life. The Highline: Chelsea A stroll along the highline is a must every time I’m in the city. Walking above the bustling streets among gardens and high-rises, it’s perfect for hopping off and grabbing a bite at the delicious Chelsea Market, getting your haute baked good on at Dominique Ansel.
NEW YORK CITY
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b. you
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Repression: An involuntary removal of something from consciousness. Denial: a ‘closing of one’s eye’ to the existence of a threatening reality. Projection: Attributing to hers one’s own unacceptable desires and impulses. Displacement: Directing energy towards an her object or person when original object or person is unavailable. Rationalization: Manufacturing ‘good’ reasons to explain away a bruised ego. Sublimation: Diverting sexual or aggressive energy into creative behaviors. Regression: Reverting back to an outgrown form of behavior in an attempt to return to an earlier phase of development when demands were less overwhelming. Introjection: Taking in and basically ‘swallowing’ the values and beliefs of hers. Identification: Identifying with success l causes to be perceived well, to cover up internal feelings of inferiority. Compensation: Masking perceived weaknesses or developing her positive traits to make up for her limitations.
defense mechanisms
Ego-defense mechanisms help us deal with anxiety that would herwise overwhelm our ego. Defense mechanisms have two common components: they either deny or distort reality, and they all nction at an unconscious level. Defense mechanisms are really normal behaviors ‘covering’ herwise threatening and pain l thoughts and feelings from our awareness. Defense mechanisms can even help us better adapt to herwise highly stress l situations, as long as they do n become a way of life to lly avoid reality!
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women & Orgasms
in the b.edroom by numbers According to The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy 37% of American women require clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm Researchers used to believe that 3 to 15 seconds was the average duration of a female orgasm. More evidence has shown, however, that a climax could go on from 20 seconds to 2 minutes. Research published by the International Headache Society found that 60% of migraine sufferers experienced at least a moderate relief after an orgasm. Some research has shown that your DNA could be at least one third responsible for your big O. About 86% of women in same-sex relationships reported ‘usually or always reaching climax when sexually intimate’ - while only 65% of heterosexual women said the same thing. Kinsey’s research revealed that 37% of women reported they had had at least one orgasm in their sleep before. Only 25% of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. About 5% of women report never having orgasms, period. It takes women 10 to 20 minutes, on average, to climax during foreplay. 100
T h e Fa c e l e s s Tr a v e l e r
I t ' s a l l a b o u t t h e t h i n g s t h a t le ave a n i m p re ss i o n ! It's not
about who I am. It's about
w h e re I go.
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They only use pasture-raised eggs & seasonal ingredients.
MONZU Fresh Pasta | San Diego, California Very little can cross boundaries as easily as food. Where ever you live, whatever your personal beliefs – good food disarms you like nothing else. Homemade pasta, with a creamy sauce, fresh parmesan drizzled on top. Kabob wrapped in Lavash bread, fresh off the coals. A juicy medium rare burger, with homemade fries. Food is a language we all speak. It’s beautiful to eat food authentic to a certain region, but found somewhere on the other side of the planet. Mo n z u has that impact. You take a bite out of Italy right in the middle of Downtown San Diego. Fresh Pasta and Ravioli made from scratch, in a quaint, bright, no fuss environment right in the heart of East Village. Husband and wife team, Neapolitan Aldo de Dominicis Rotondi and Serena Romano, own this new culinary addition to the San Diego food scene, and they run the kitchen on their strong belief in the slow food movement. Every dish feels cared for and pure. They use old techniques and recipes drawing their inspiration from regions like Sicily, and Puglia – but using local, organic and seasonal ingredients, to give you dishes where the ingredients shine and the taste is simple but layered. This cozy spot is a must try for lunch or dinner in Downtown San Diego. Space is limited so make a reservation if you can.
Koobideh Kabob and rice, with grilled veggies and fresh herbs.
Kashkeh Bademjoon, an eggplant appetizer.
FA R S I C a f e | L o s A n g e l e s , C a l i f o r n i a West L.A. offers up many tastes and choices when it comes to food. From traditional to more modernized versions of international dishes, to let your taste buds travel the world without having to go too far. Farsi Café, on Westwood, is a casual dining spot that brings some traditional Persian dishes to the table. The service is friendly, although some of the décor and furniture could use a little TLC, the food is tasty and plentiful – so you get good bang for your buck. One of their most popular dishes is the Kashkeh Bademjoon, a loved eggplant dish often served as appetizer. They of course have the traditional Koobideh Kabob; usually made using ground beef or lamb, and with chicken in more recent years as a healthier alternative. They have all the options for you, served with rice and grilled veggies. Big enough to share or take home! On this Thursday night, they had live music. A solo guitar player sang some nostalgic 70s songs, as the room slowly filled with customers, kabob smells, and laughter – and it all added to the warmth of the food being served by friendly and active waiters. Overall an enjoyable meal.
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C a f e V I U N A | Te h r a n , I r a n When I think back at the best Burger I have had all year; the juiciest, most tasty hamburger that made me want to go back for more – I, myself, am surprised to say Café Viuna in Tehran. Granted, burgers are now a staple at restaurants everywhere. But still. Café Viuna, at their Baghe Ferdows location, quickly became a favorite spot. Ferdows Garden is a historical complex located in Shemiran, in northern Tehran. The complex dates back to the reign of the Qajar dynasty, and includes a mansion which now houses the Cinema Museum of Iran, that opened its doors in 2009. The Café is located in the garden where the mansion sits in the background as you bite into the juicy burger, served by a very attentive staff, most of whom also spoke English. With freshly squeezed juices and many coffee options, and also lots of sweet desserts to choose from, it is easy to spend an entire afternoon at the complex, fill up on all the delicious foods, and wander around the garden and visit the Museum. However, night time in the garden was a little magical.
A burger and an espresso at night in the garden.
P h o to by A l e x B u t s
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all the ways in which we b.ehave
the b. quarterly
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the b. quarterly