Issue 7

HAPPY NEW FEAR!

IN THE SPOTLIGHT:

2017

UNDER THE SHADOW

Welcome to the cabin For the love of horror Welcome back to the cabin horror lovers!

It’s been awhile hasn’t it! The last time was our Christmas issue and now we are Bimonthly but do not fear we are still bringing you horror our way!

What’s new then? Well we are now on Reddit! (Thanks Stan) and we also have a monthly book club over on the website www.thecabinonthe.net so be sure to check that out if horror novels float your boat. Jack’s been living it up in America and he tells us all about his horrific trip in this issue!

Once again we’ve been honoured and blessed to talk to some amazing people for this issue along with some old favourites. VS is back and Stan’s still trying to survive SAW. He’s done himself proud on this one.

Thank you to all our reader and to everyone who likes, comments and shares our content, it means a great deal to us. Please keep sharing the love.

If you have any questions or want to win in our quiz, that’s right quiz! Just drop us an email at: info@thecabinonthe.net

Enjoy!

The Cabin on the net.

Director: Babak Anvari, Writer: Babak Anvari Stars: Narges Rashidi, Avin Manshadi, Bobby Naderi

If you do a google search on Persian (we’re going by language) horror films you won’t get a whole lot pop up but there are a few crackers which we will cover soon and this is one of them ‘Under the Shadows’ I was doing the usual Netflix scroll when I found it, I hadn’t heard a thing about it and watch it on a whim and I am so glad I did!

Tehran in the 1980’s, Post – revolution and war-torn would have been a terrifying place at the best of times. Add something evil haunting a mother and her child to the mix and you get something rather unexpected and unsettling.

The film is good, I’m going to start by saying that up front. Sure, there are a few niggles but I find most films have something that’s not to your taste and for me it was the fact that the mother while amazing is also not great mother material at certain points but I’ll let you watch the film to see if you feel the same way.

With a war going on, Dad played by Bobby Naderi is called up to the war, he may be a doctor but it’s still going to be as dangerous as hell. One thing entity’s like is a single parent, who they can scare and manipulate, so it doesn’t take long for things to start creeping in at the edges and filling you with a sense of foreboding.

We meet Shideh played by Narges Rashidi who is the left behind wife. Left behind in a war zone to look after her child, left behind by society because she wanted change. Rightly so she’s got a chip on her shoulder and spends a good deal of time being angry at her husband and then her daughter Dorsa played by Avin Manshadi.

The build-up is slow and unnerving, the atmosphere is truly griping. You can’t look away and while watching I got hints of other haunting films that have gone before it

but that being said it’s still very much its own film and it’s such a unique place for a horror film to take place. Not only is there terror in the walls but also outside a real war is going on.

What did freak me out was when Shideh wakes up and there is a man stood in her bedroom doorway, she chases after him just in time to see his foot disappearing into the cracks in the ceiling, made by the bomb that fell and killed the old man upstairs, or did it? Up until that point where you see the man you were unsure if anything otherworldly was going on you had a feeling something more was going on but was it all in Shideh head?

Now then that brings me to a terrifying moment in the film and it has nothing to do with the flat that is becoming a hot bed of activity and your poised for a jump scare at any moment. No what is scary is in this film we are in Terhan and a woman in Terhan with her head uncovered is a no no, and yet Shideh faces that while running for her life.

If your house was broken into, you would want to run away but what if you do and you are greeted with police who take you to the station to be flogged? You were running for your life, protecting your child alas your head was not covered and you had no shoes on. While I don’t want to be like ‘ah that’s cool because you’ve got to be aware of what’s going on outside and where you are as well of what’s in the flat’ because as a woman who has never had anyone tell how to dress it’s hard to swallow and that’s not me dumping on anyone’s religion or beliefs but it’s something in horror film that I have never seen a character have to face and it’s clever and awful at the same time.

We get a little origin story also of who and what these beings might be and as mentioned in the film they are mentioned in the Koran. Which is just so fricken cleaver. I’ve not read the Koran so not sure how much they feature.

As you would expect the film moves to its conclusion swiftly after all the build-up and more is seen and I’m not alone in this kids are creepy! They see things and then they tell you, it’s freaky. Keep what you see to yourself. The ending is awesome and slightly annoying but aside from the blanket (yes that’s right) the ending is on point, we get a last-minute scare or two and then it’s over but, of course is it?

I adored this film, it was so much more than a haunted house film. The tension, the frayed relationships, the creepy factor it has so much and more and after the credits roll you’ll left wondering. The film is in subtitles just in case that bothers anyone but for me it was beautiful, moving and left me quite on edge. Let us know your thoughts on the film. ★★★★ 4 / 5 rating

Over the holiday period I was delighted to have the pleasure of visiting Universal Studios, over in Orlando, Florida. While primarily running around silly in Hogwarts robes in the wizarding world parks, I did take the time to explore a part of Universal, and indeed its history that had somehow escaped my mind in the lead up to the trip: Universal’s proud legacy of horror films. It’s presence in the park has become more and more diluted over the years to give way to more relevant properties. However it is clear that Universal are still proudly displaying their history of horror.

As well you know I am a horror nut, and therefore took some time either on my own or with my partner to seek out the horror of the parks. Our first port of call was the “Universal Orlando’s Horror Make Up Show”. With thoughts of Lon Chaney, Rick Baker and the humble Grand Guignol, my interest was grabbed and we dashed over to the show. We stood outside an old-school movie theatre, lit in blue and pink neon lights, and flanked by posters of classic Universal Monster Movies and cases containing various masks and props from horror films. In waiting to be let into the theatre I came face to face with a haunting bust of the incomparable Bela Lugosi as Dracula. I was even more elated to find more interesting memorabilia as we were let into the lobby of the theatre, with even more cases of memorabilia, and even more posters from the Universal horror cycle were hung on the walls. Childlike, I ran from cabinet to cabinet, looking at busts and props, the heads of Lon Chaney, Dracula and my personal favourite, The Gill Man from Creature from the Black Lagoon. I even insisted that my girlfriend take a picture with me and the creature, and in her kindness, she obliged. I was like a child in a sweetshop looking at all the authentic artefacts from all of the films I have grown to know so well.

Finally, the doors to the auditorium opened, and we were led in to sit down. We made sure we were sat in the front row, and in waiting for the show to start we admired the set of the show for a while. It was an impressive, eerily lit set of a sort of workshop or laboratory, that was still trimmed with various seasonal decorations from the Christmas period. What followed was a surprisingly fun show that was unashamedly funny. They demonstrated the use of fake blood, trick blades and knives that were used on an audience member who willingly obliged to the

ridicule and pretend torture of the two goofy presenters of the show. They also spoke to us about the transformation scene in American Werewolf in London and then, to my geeky delight, revealed some animatronic heads used in the film, designed by legendary film make up guru Rick Baker. What followed was more audience interaction and demonstration of fun props and facts and what else happened… well I shan’t spoil it for any of you who should potentially want to visit the park and see it yourself. We were treated to a funny surprise ending to the show, and we all left with a smile on our faces.

This was my only foray into Universal Horror for the next few days, but while out and about doing some shopping in Orlando we found ourselves in a huge pop-culture store called Gods and Monsters. At a staggering 20,000 square feet, the shop accommodated everything a ‘geek’ shopper could need, from stacks of the ever popular ‘funko pops’, an arcade of old 25 cent video games, a gallery of pop culture themed art and, to my delight, a little concession dedicated to fantastic horror memorabilia. If only I could have snuck back to the UK with a glowing full size Bates Motel sign, or a life size head and shoulders bust of The Creature from the Black Lagoon.

I returned to Universal horror within the park on my 20th Birthday, where I convinced my family to explore what is now one of my favourite parts of Universal Studios, The Monsters Café. Possibly my dream restaurant, The Monsters Café was, like the theatre, jam packed with memorabilia and artefacts from Universal Monster Movies. It had sections themed to each monster movie of the cycle, a castle like area for Dracula drenched in red light, a tomb with hieroglyphs for The Mummy, an area named “Swamp Dining” themed for The Creature from the Black Lagoon, and a laboratory with fizzing and crackling diodes and bubbling beakers for Frankenstein, which is where we ended up to eat lunch. I continued to shamelessly geek out as I explored the restaurant and admired the myriad of objects on the walls as I wandered wide-eyed from area to area.

All in all, it was an incredible experience to be back in Orlando and Universal and now I’m older and have developed a love for classic horror, it was nice to experience the parts of the park dedicated to Universals history of horror, and notice things and places I hadn’t seen when I had been there previously. 2017 marks 105 years of Universal Horror and it was a pleasure to be there to celebrate both my own and Universal’s birthday, surrounded by creatures, monsters, and mummies!

It feels like so long since I have done a Saw movie. It has been around 4 months. Saw 5 is a great one to come back on though as it’s one of the ones I enjoy most. I think they stepped up the game from 5-7 hearkening back to the first or second. Although I’m sure many people would disagree with this. I think it might have something to do with me just not particularly liking the 3rd and 4th movie. Anyway, I’ve started rambling and strayed from the purpose of this piece already as is so often the case.

Saw 5 kicks up the underlying plot a bit. So, we’ve got the few traps that are used on characters we’ve seen before and then we have the Fatal Five (I didn’t come up with that name although I wish I had. I love alliteration!) who are part of a game that also has 5 games imbedded in it.

Gameception as they like to call it I guess. So without further ado let’s get on with it and find out whether Stanley can survive SAW 5! DUM DUM DUUUUMMMMM! The Pendulum Trap The Game: This one is pretty straight forward. To describe that is, not to survive necessarily. You’re strapped to a slab; your arms are restrained near two boxes. Above you hangs a huge axe like construct attached to a pendulum. The pendulum starts swinging and lowering eventually eviscerating you. (I’ve been alliterating a lot recently) To stop this all you have to do is insert your hands in to aforementioned boxes, press a button and have your hands crushed to smithereens. Simple.

Plan of action? Let’s ignore the fact that this one is physically impossible.

There’s really only two plans of action in this trap considering you are strapped down. Crush your hands OR lie and wait to die. Now I have a disadvantage over the character involved in the film, my stomach sticks out more giving me less time before I actually start getting cut which is a bit of a pain… Anyway as far as my plan of action goes I am going to crush my hands then learn to paint with my toes.

Chance of survival? 50/50 because honestly crushing my hands isn’t going to be easy and I don’t have much time. Fingers crossed the incredibly sharp blade that has no chance of getting caught in my belly right away and stopping gets caught in my belly right away and stops though.

The Water Box Trap The Game: Your head is stuck in a see-through box. You have no items except a pen in your pocket and the box is slowly filling with water. The box is sealed tight. If you don’t do something you’ll drown, obviously.

Plan of action? Strahm is a baller when it comes to shit like this. He dismantles the pen and sticks the tube in to his throat thus creating an air hole he can breathe through. I am not a baller. In fact I’ve wished I was a baller amongst other things. If I tried the pen trick I’d definitely just mess it up and probably hit my jugular vein and they would find me covered in blood as well as submerged in water. The only feasible plan I can think of is using weight and momentum to dislodge the tubes supplying the water or holding the box up. So legs would come off the floor and jumping/ swinging would start. This is no doubt going to cause neck and back issues for years to come and not guaranteed to work but it’s the best I could do.

Chance of survival? 30%? Jigsaw is generally on top of the planning and construction on traps so I think it’s unlikely it’d just fall apart but one can hope. At least I’ve not stuck a pen in several places in my neck eventually hitting the jugular. (Yes if I went the pen method I would probably have to attempt 4 or 5 times.)

The Fatal Fives Traps!

These traps are designed for 5 people so I’m just going to put myself in one persons place or everyone’s place. Let’s be honest I’m just going to do whatever I want and try and structure it in to the semi coherent style you’ve come to know and love.

The Collars The Game: A collar (hence the name) is stuck around your/ our/ my neck. A glass box with a key dangling in it taunts you from across the way. Your collar is on a rope that goes back past several very sharp blades on either side of your neck area. When someone else moves forward you get pulled back.

Plan of action? Of course we all know the keys all work on each collar so there’s really no way to lose this except if the others are stupid. Any way as I don’t have that knowledge right away I would probably go for the key. I have an advantage in that I’m bigger and stronger than the other challengers (except if they’re all me). Once I had my key I would probably give the key to someone else to at least try.

Chance of survival? Gonna give myself a solid 80% chance of survival on this one.

The Ceiling Jars The Game: On the ceiling there are glass jars. You are informed that each jar contains a shape, these shapes correspond to locks on gated holes in the wall. There are sticks that can be used to break the glass jars. There are 5 of you left at most. Probably 4. There are only 3 holes in the wall.

Plan of action? This game is one of the stupider ones in my opinion. Each hole in the wall is obviously able to hold more than one person. The fact that no-one seems to notice this is kinda dumb. Break the jars, share with one person and done.

Chance of survivial? I may be stupid but I’m not dumb. 100% The Electric Bathtub The Game: This one involves a bathtub. It’s got some water in, say about half a tub full. There are 5 bits of metal. One is very spiky. They’re also electrified. To open the door you need to get electric in the bath. I realised I am explaining this awfully. Essentially if each of you hold one piece and touch the bath you can open the door. If there are less of you it becomes more difficult.

Plan of action? I would have at least 4 people left at this point. We’d each have a piece of metal and we’d figure out the final way somehow. Probably just someone holding two. The electricity is negligible in each metal piece.

Chance of survival? 90% because I have played the game right.

10 pints of sacrifice The Game: There are 2 more holes behind the guy. Each of those holes contains a buzzsaw. The door requires 10 pints of blood to open. If you have 5 people you need only give 2 pints each which is survivable. Obviously it goes up the less people you have.

Plan of action? Hahahaha yeah even with 5 people there’s no way I am shoving my hand in to a buzzsaw. If you’ve seen the film then you know what it does to their hands and I think it’d probably be worse than that. My plan of action would be to see if someone else would provide my portion or have someone force my arm in. I’d probably just die from the nail bomb.

Chance of survival? 4%.

The Glass Coffin The Game: Step in to the coffin that has glass filing a lot of it.

Plan of action? Step in to the coffin that has glass filing a lot of it.

Chance of survival? 100% (The reason that Strahm loses this is because of his vendetta and obsession with Hoffman) So there we go guys. Saw 5 in the bag. 2 left and then we’ll have seen whether I could survive in all the Saw movies. Then I’ll have to branch out a little bit like I did with Gremlins and Would you rather. Saw 6 is a good one for traps and how to survive. As always please like, share and promote us as much as you want/ can. There’s a subreddit nowadays as well. Also a book club. Recommend me some films to survive on Facebook or Reddit. I love you all from the bottom of my heart. Weird sign off...

Danny Donahue If like me you've got a 'thing' for short horror films, you may often find yourself on 'YouTube' like I’ve said before it's a great place to find some amazing gems and we couldn't be more stoked to have found Danny Donahue and his awesome shorts and behind the scenes videos.

I reached out to Danny to see if he would answer a few questions for us and what a gent he did!

Danny's work is spooky, freaky and just spot on to be honest. His films include 'The Moonlight Man, The Whisperer, Vermin and the Western Sci-Fi short The last mountain man' I love what Danny can bring with vision, hard work and bit of engineering and sniffing out a good location, his work speaks for its self and I for one would love to see a full feature with one of his monsters. His behind the scenes are as cool as his films.

Check out the interview below and then head over to YouTube to give the man a watch and some love. https://www.youtube.com/user/dannyfdonahue I found your films on YouTube and can honestly say it was love at first watch, not only are they scary but from a few behind the scenes videos you also have up on YouTube, they are very small productions which I find thrilling because they are done so well.

What was the driving force for you to pick up a camera and shot?

Well, like many directors and filmmakers out there, I started making little movies when I was a kid and it kind of spiralled into an obsession. I love the language of cinema and the power that a good story can wield. I went to film school and then moved to Los Angeles to really dig into a directing career. Film school was great prep for the basic inner-workings of a film set and taught me the fundamentals, but after graduation I found myself too often caught up in the feeling that I needed a large crew and a lot of money to do anything good. Then I started seeing horror shorts

online that were made for very little, and it suddenly dawned on me that the ability to get an Alexa, a full grip truck, and a 30-person crew really had nothing to do with whether or not my films were any good. I didn't have any of those things anyway, so I didn't want them to stop me from making films. I bought a camera and just started shooting things, and now, finally, the needle is starting to move on my career. It's difficult working with nothing, but it can be really freeing at the same time. You fill the budget gaps the best you can with creative solutions. Most of my recent shorts have been made for almost nothing and I've been the only crew member.

You are also a dab hand at effects, my favourite being the creature from Vermin, have you always had a love for effects or was it necessary for your films?

I've always loved effects, although I wouldn't consider myself a special effects artist. I'm a director who can't afford to hire a special effects artist at the moment! Much of what I've done effectswise has been a product of necessity, and most of it I've learned on the go. I'm forever fascinated by movie trickery, and it's the same thing that draws me to the horror, science fiction, and fantasy genres. I used to love watching the 3 Stooges when I was a kid, and they always had cool visual gags that I'd try to reverse engineer and replicate in my own films. Dummies, camera tricks, reversed footage, etc. I also spent many hours trying to replicate the stop motion monsters that Ray Harryhausen and Willis O'Brian made.

You have a few behind the scenes videos on YouTube as I’ve mentioned and I love being able to see behind the curtain if you will. What made you decided to show this?

Was it to help other film makers?

There's been so much behind the scenes stuff available to the public in recent years, and that window into the process has been immensely helpful to me as a filmmaker. It's also just really cool to see the nuts and bolts of how a film is made, and I really have fun documenting my own process and putting that out there for other people to see. I do want to pay it forward to other filmmakers, but I'm also just really excited to tell you how I pulled off that cool trick in the film! I think there's a lot of people out there who enjoy watching that kind of thing -- even people who don't want anything to do with the film industry. Peter Jackson and Rob Zombie have both made extensive efforts to document the "making of" process for their films, and that has definitely put behind the scenes material on a new level for me. I'd like to do "making of "documentaries like that for my own feature films in the future

I adore your actress from Vermin, The Whisperer, The moonlight man and Stay dead.

How did you two meet?

That is my girlfriend, Casey! We met at a Steve Martin concert a couple years back. She had done some film work in the past and she's a good actress too, so it was a natural choice to include her in these shorts! I'm lucky that she's been game to do so many late-night productions with long hours and no craft services.

I’ve got to say that shot in ‘The moonlight man’ where he is stood across the road and lit by those shop lights is stunning! Can you tell us more about the Moonlight man? I noticed a few people comment it reminds them of the Babadook I assume because of the hands but he seemed to make a clicking sound which reminded me of mimic. How did he come to life for you?

Yeah, I think the Babadook connection is purely a result of the long fingers. The rest of the design has very little similarity. Most of the inspiration for The Moonlight Man's face came from looking at pictures of goblin sharks, which are without a doubt one of the creepiest looking animals on the planet. The sounds that The Moonlight Man makes are just otter noises from a sound library.

There was a short story by Rudyard Kipling called "The Mark of the Beast", and in that he describes a creature that makes mewing sounds like an otter. I looked up otter noises, and sure enough, they can be pretty creepy sounding, so I went with that. As far as getting that silhouette shot goes, we actually had planned to shoot that in a different location. I had scouted a street corner that looked good, and then we showed up on the night of the shoot and started filming.

Immediately a cop car rolled up, and I figured they were going to tell us to "get lost", but instead they warned us that we were in dangerous gang territory and that we should be very careful. It wasn't worth anyone getting hurt for a silly short film, so we packed up and left. On the way to our next location we spotted the little building that's now in the film, and it had these really great lights on the side that made for a perfect silhouette. It ended up working far better than our original location would have, so in a way, I guess we have the LA gangs to thank for that shot!

I admire how you make your films, you say in ‘the making of moonlight man’ that you wanted to film outside but with little lighting you knew that you would have to focus around a light source. Is this the approach you take with your films? ‘Making do’ if you will? (it totally works) It certainly is my approach for now and will be until I have a bigger budget. When you have a small budget or none, you have to get creative and really take advantage of resources you already have access too. Lots of indie filmmakers have designed films around things they have at their disposal and things they know they can get without breaking the bank. It's the way you have to think when you're at this level. In fact, I would say it pays to think that way to some degree for your entire career. Some of the best choices, even in giant blockbusters, have been the simplest ones. Just take, for example, Indiana Jones shooting the swordsman in Raider's of the Lost Ark. There was supposed to be a big choreographed fight sequence there, but I think Harrison Ford was sick and couldn't do it. So they just had him turn around and shoot the guy instead, and it ends up being such a better moment than it would have been as another big action sequence. I also believe that you can get away with a lot in terms of image quality. It's probably more important to have visual consistency than it is to have amazing lighting and a noise-free image. I love beautiful cinematography as much as anyone and truly strive for great imagery, but I also know that you have to make compromises to get things done sometimes. You can probably push modern cameras a lot further than what most DPs are comfortable with, and you can also make great stuff with less than top-shelf equipment. I mean, "Tangerine" was shot an iphone. If you tell a compelling story, the audience is usually willing to overlook the little things and meet you in the middle. Obviously I'd like to have a huge budget, the best equipment, and loads of people helping me, but not having those things isn't going to keep me home.

One of the things I like about your films and you might think I’m nuts is that when the camera gets low down, we get to see dirt and little bits of rubbish on the floor. In the moonlight man, it’s the hair band and dust mites in the car, I know I sound mad but it just makes it more real! Who really has a perfectly clean car anyway. Is this intentional or are you like, its not about the dust, its about the film man?!

With the exception of the hair band under the car seat in The Moonlight Man (which was intentionally placed in the frame) that stuff was just there and it didn't really make sense to polish everything to a shine since I wasn't filming a floor wax commercial. Same deal with The Whisperer. The car and the apartment both just needed vacuuming! They look lived in though, and that lack of perfection can add texture and reality to a film. I get annoyed when an actor goes through a giant action sequence and their hair and makeup is still perfect. Something I always admired about the original Star Wars trilogy was that it felt a little used and dinged up. It made it seem more like a real place.

What are you looking forward to in 2017? And what can we expect from you?

Immediately I've got more short film work on the horizon, so be on the lookout for that! In the slightly longer term I'm working on developing a low budget feature! I can't give away details just yet, but I'm hoping to make that transition soon. That said, I do plan to keep making shorts. It's too fun to quit!

Be sure to check Danny out on YouTube and I think you will like what you see. Share the love and spread the word.

Interview by Cassandra Regan

We’ve got

our eye on

The Immortal Body Detective John Mitchell thought he understood murder. But that all changes when monsters are born during a faith healing at a local church.

Psychic Medium Sarah Lynn Beauchamp thought she understood the dead, but the dead have a new plan for her.

Unhinged - 2017 Melissa and her three American bridesmaids, who decide to take the English back roads whilst travelling to her wedding in the countryside. On the way, a deadly secret forces the girls to be stranded in the woods.

The Void In the middle of a routine patrol, officer Daniel Carter happens upon a blood-soaked figure limping down a deserted stretch of road. He rushes the young man to a nearby rural hospital staffed by a skeleton crew, only to discover that patients and personnel are transforming into something inhuman

Video Production Services reddogproductions.co.uk

Directed by Dan Rickard, Simon Drake. Written by Dan Rickard and Will Martin. Stars: Dan Rickard, Chris Wandell, Samantha Bolter.

The amount of hard work and dedication that went into it is so evident Dan wakes up on a beach with no memory. He discovers an empty city ravaged by a deadly virus.

After befriending a small group of survivors, it soon becomes clear the army is hunting him down, and the group is forced on a dangerous journey to escape.

We’re introduced to the character of Dan as he awakes alone and wet on a beach. He has no memory of how he got there and it’s clear something is wrong. We are meet a group of survivors who are taking refuge and trying to survive the best they can but all that starts to come apart at the seams with Dan’s arrival. Dan is a wanted man.

The film moves at a good pace, the film doesn’t overly seem structed which could throw you off and it did but then I gave it some though and how really would an infection like this give anyone’s life any real structure, you would move from place to place. Floating. Doing what you needed to, to survive so with that in mind it’s a very true way of seeing how we could survive. Not everyone has a plan.

Once we meet everyone we get some time to see who is the alpha male in the group and how the group all work together. There is some great slicing and dicing of the infected. Most notably given

by Sam who is played by Chris Wandell. Sam is a bit brash to start, he would do your head in if you had to be stuck with him for months or even years on end but as the film moves on he shows his more useful side and his kick arse action side. Yes Chris Wandell is a fine man indeed.

Actress Samantha Bolter really stood out and while I am aware she had more time to make an impact than most of the actors on screen, there was something in her manor, in her acting one

could truly see a something special. That is not a slight on anyone else at all, everyone was well placed.

A lot of work went into the film and it shows, for the budget that they had to work with and the length of time the film took, I think it’s fucking marvellous to be honest and If you are a fan of infected/zombie films or just independent films you should really watch it. The score alone would be worth a listen. You can buy the film from Amazon.

We were lucky enough to catch up with Simon Drake, who was not only in the film as an infected and housemate Will but he was also behind the camera too.

The film took a lot longer to make than first anticipated. How did you stay committed?

The advantage of working on a group project like Darkest Day was that there was normally always someone who was feeling motivated about the project at any one time. As the film progressed, and therefore the involvement of everyone increased, the pressure increased. But if someone was a bit unmotivated, another one of us would support each other. For example, Dan and I as co-directors was a huge help, or if we were feeling a bit 'meh' about the process Sam Bolter (who played Kate and edited the film) would offer support. Or Wilx who was working on the music. And Chris Wandell (who plays Sam) was always very optimistic about the film being a success.

The post production was the most difficult and demanding part, as it was several years of rerecording dialogue/sound effects and working on the edit and shooting the odd extra shot/element to have cover up the gaps in the story. Filming scenes with lots of actors/zombies/guns etc has a certain momentum and energy to the day as there's lots going on.

Whereas post production involves sat around with maybe one or two people eating junk food and endlessly discussing a line of dialogue or a section to edit or a special effect (often into the early hours...!) That is when we all had to keep each other upbeat and keep chipping away tiny piece by tiny piece...

The fact that you guys could make somewhere look empty but it wasn’t which was clever, did It ever get frustrating on the day waiting for people to move out of the way?

The empty streets were always a nightmare and very frustrating. You find yourself getting irrationally angry at people who are on the other side of the road coming back from the shops with no idea what you're doing, but you still start going "how much longer does it take that clown to walk from there to there!!!" Inevitably we'd get to a place with no one around, and we'd set up a shot and would be ready to go when suddenly half of Brighton would decide to ride their bike/wash their car/walk slowly with their shopping etc at the exact place we were set to film That happened so many times, but when you're filming on the fly, you can't blame people for living their lives despite you trying to create your epic film. So we would have to laugh it off.

The more annoying thing would be people deliberately being distracting or getting in the way to ruin the shot or shout off camera to affect the takes. Thankfully that didn't happen too often, but we occasionally had a moron or two trying to mess it up for us when out in the streets.

How did you and Dan Rickard meet?

I met Dan in March 2007. He was at film school with a mutual friend, and i was into filmmaker but never went to film school, so i tagged along to be an extra on a shoot they were doing. I started getting involved with helping them and doing some stunts. When he saw that i could roll down a flight of concrete stairs without hurting myself (i wouldn't try that now though...!) and realised that we both liked filming stunts and action, and shared a love of James Bond and other action films, we started making a few projects together. Then he said 'i should really finish my zombie short film i shot a few years ago... do you want to be a zombie???' and it grew from there!!

How has the film done since its release? Are you surprised but the response?

We always hoped for some kind of release for the film as it was a sellable genre (zombie/action feature) however as a no budget project, there was no guarantee and it took a couple of years from completion to being picked up by a UK distributor. But we were very pleasantly surprised that the distributors suggested a limited UK cinema release which we weren't expecting (we were just happy for a DVD release!). Having a small cinema run got it to be reviewed in The Guardian and Total Film which was terrific, but also surreal. A film that was largely made at weekends with friends and plenty of bodged parts to get a review in a top publication like those was surprising to say the least!! So it's had a decent DVD run with some solid (and not so solid...) reviews, and is now out in the US in the spring. It is also worth noting that the US release (that you saw) was actually cut down from the UK release by 10 minutes due to a lot of feedback and responses from reviewers. We took on board the feedback from the UK reviews, and although we didn't have to we realised we could help the pace and improve some aspects of the film with re-edit for the US release.

What advise do you have for anyone you might want to follow in your footsteps?

Just do it! If you want to make a film, just do it! Making a film is a long long process, and will drive you to the brink of your own insanity and stress, but at the same time it's doable and we had a great time doing it. We did it at weekends for ÂŁ1,000 and it got a worldwide release... it just took years and years. But we did it and had fun doing it. So anyone who wants to make a film, and is willing to commit to it taking over their lives (as it will!!) go for it. Have fun and keep chipping away until it's done. But the only way to do it is to just do it! Whether the film ends up good, bad or indifferent, just get the thing finished. Maybe it'll be what you envisioned or maybe

not, but it'll become something. An unfinished film (or a film you just don't get around to starting) isn't anything bit an idea in your head. Although on the flip side, ideas in your head will be less expensive and much less stressful than making the actual film!!!

You were a jack of many trades for this film, which process did you enjoy the most and why?

I was surprised how much i enjoyed working the camera and then helping direct the performances. It was often a baptism of fire, as i'd never used a camera like Dan's before, and it definitely had its challenges (for a reason i won't get into, the viewing screen was upside-down, so i had to pan left to go right and up to go down... that was a headache at first) The more i got into it, i found myself enjoying it. Plus i was then able to start helping direct the performances (as Dan was on camera most of the time) so i really enjoyed helping him by judging the performances and coming up with ideas. I was then flattered that he gave me a co-director credit for my input.

What’s next for you?

I've written and directed another feature film (that Dan was the cinematographer on) which will hopefully be finished this year. It is a very different type of film (no zombies or guns!) and i actually wrote a script for this one. But it's still taken years of my life and been much more stressful than Darkest Day, but it's going to be worth it. I can't wait to show you when it's done!!

After that is finished, i'm hoping Dan is going to get back in the directors chair.

I knew a little of the Pontefract haunting, having grown up with a mother who adores haunted houses it was on my radar but it wasn’t until I watched the 2012 films ‘When the lights when out’ that it really perked my interest and subsequently brought about me writing this and introducing me to the books of Colin Wilson (who in my opinion is awesome) What’s known about the haunting? Well this is what I have managed to gather from the good old internet so like legend stories passed down it’s hard to say what’s true, what someone has added for their own amusement and such.

The Events began in August 1966 when the family took a holiday to Devon leaving their 15-year-old son and home with his Grandmother.

This included cold gusts of wind when it was warm, white dust floating down from the ceiling and puddles of water forming. Puddles of water forming would be one of the main ‘activities’ along with moving objects and loud bangs, its noted that in the end Phillip and his Grandmother slept at a neighbour house for fear of their own safety.

It seems quite hard to grasp unless you yourself have witnessed such things and even a non-sceptic mind could easily explain away some of what was happened, however of course it wasn’t over.

Once the Pritchard family returned from their holiday the ‘activity’ stopped suddenly and then just started up again. It went on for such a

long time that it became part of their lives and they even named the poltergeist ‘Fred’ during this time it was the daughter Diane who was often attacked. Being thrown out of bed and yanked up the stairs by an invisible force that did leave marks upon her neck. It is said that two exorcisms where carried out but this seems to agitate the situation rather than help.

It was nearing the end of the haunting that the Pritchard’s saw the black monk, who loomed over the bed. After he was seen by them the hauntings abruptly stopped.

Author Tom Cuniff, later suggested that the poltergeist as a 16th century monk, who was hung for the rape and murder of a girl during the reign of Henry VIII. It is said also that, the Pritchard’s’ house was built next to the site of the town's gallows. I’m not a researcher by any means but I did do a few google searches and couldn’t find anything solid on the towns gallows just a few haunting pages that say the hill is where the gallows once stood. I need blue prints people.

It was these events that occurred in the house that have been recreated in director Pat ­Holden’s 2012 horror film 'When the Lights Went Out'.

Jean Pritchard was Holden’s aunt and he witnessed many of the incidents first hand, so he is the man for the job then! And also Bil Bungay producer also brought the house so everyone is rather involved on this one.

Moving now to the movie, it’s rather exciting that the director had a link to the house and decided to bring it to life, even if it did piss of a poltergeist. Imagine having a film made about you and you get no money? But what you do get is people going in and out in and out, poor bugger.

The film is about Jenny and Len who move into their new home with daughter Sally, already Sally is not happy with her parents for the move so that’s creating tension right there. Sally is haunted by a young girl and by the monk. A local priest is brought in to try an exorcism (Billy Elliot’s father non the less!) which has no effect. Sounds basic of course but you’re just going to have to watch it to get the details because alas, I have lent my copy out and can’t rewatch it. Don’t lend people your films readers, they have them forever and never give them back.

As I stated at the start it is hard to know what’s ‘real’ in the original story and how much was added for the film to make it more unsettling. I for one really enjoyed the authentic feel of the film and while it didn’t leave me as unsettles as some ‘true story’ horror films it was done with flare and some solid acting and if what I’ve read is correct on location in the actual house too! I mean come on!? That’s genius.

In regards to the portrayal of the facts to the film, I say that did very well indeed, of course in all films things are going to be made slightly bigger, louder because even though this was someone’s life, for an audience you are going to have to magnify that. If you are home alone and the tv turns its self-off, you are going to be unsettles and in that moment, you might even be terrified, or a photo frame falls of the wall it would put you on edge but if a horror film that’s going to take a skilled hand and eye to turn it into the fear the original person felt.

Join us next time as we look at more haunting to horror films.

Here at The Cabin we have a spooky prize up for grabs, a copy of the classic Hammer film The Quatermass and the Pit on DVD! To win, all you have to do is answer these 8 questions about the worlds original house of horror Hammer Studios! Email your answers to info@thecabinonthe.net

In “Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde”, Dr Jekyll kills several young women and is blamed for what famous series of crimes?

Which “Blakes 7” actress, who spoke to us briefly last year, starred in “The Reptile” and “Plague of the Zombies”?

Which Hammer film attempted to capitalise on the seventies trend of Kung Fu movies, while trying to maintain their classic horror theme?

How many times did beloved British actor Christopher Lee play his classic role of Count Dracula?

To avoid repetition, Hammer came up with new ways to kill Dracula, but how does he die in “Dracula: Prince of Darkness”?

Which film was Hammers breakout feature, and the first ever full colour, feature length horror film?

Which recent horror film, starring Daniel Radcliffe, was produced by Hammer studios?

Which Dracula film took Christopher Lee to swinging London when, according to Mark Gatiss, “most of the swinging has stopped.”?

Remember to email your answers to: info@thecabinonthe.net

Quiz by Jack Elflick.

It’s a beautiful day, the sun is high in the sky. You have no customers so it’s the perfect time to grab a seat outside and take in the petrol smell. You’re rocking your favourite heart bikinis hat and enjoying a packet of crisp and boom! A beaver?

Has other ideas and you are left fighting for your life. You don’t win.

Trapped in an isolated gas station by a voracious Splinter parasite that transforms its still living victims into deadly hosts, a young couple and an escaped convict must find a way to work together to survive this primal terror.

Directed by Toby Wilkins also known for The Grudge 3 among other works. Written by Kai Barry and Ian Shorr.

Meet Polly and Seth who have escaped to the country for a bit of TLC and some romance under the stars. Loves young dream with a dash of wooden conversation bad acting? Or a fake out as these two really become quite the kick arse team.

Played by Jill Wagner and Paulo Costanzo. The young couple soon find themselves at the mercy of Dennis and Lacy, two people also in love but on the run, played by the ever talented Shea Whigham and Rachel Kerbs.

Once the couples find themselves together, tensions begin to mount and it’s clear that Lacey is not a well woman after a minor car accident leaves her breaking her heart over an animal that she believes is her pet but not all is what it seems and the incident leaves them with more than just a bad taste in their mouths.

Pulling into a gas station to refuel Lacey discovers the gas manager in the toilet and the game is afoot. The creature is revealed and oh what a stunner he is! The jarring movements created by the camera and the noise it makes, wild and untamed. From here on out its fast-paced action, enough blood to keep one happy and some jarring moments that see them try to survive and outwit something that is not intelligent but moves on instinct. Think tremors.

I can’t lie to you as freaky and enjoyable as the whole film is a lone hand is never going to be scary. I’ve seen several films with hands and arms that move by themselves and it’s a little deflating but that’s fleeting in this film and before you know the battle to survive is taken up a gear when one of them is infected.

Our nerdy boy becomes rather more useful with his knowledge and he proves himself to have a moral backbone something Polly appears to lack. Polly herself becomes rather kick arse but the film is stolen by Dennis who not only is willing to fight with these people, protect them at whatever cost he also appears to have a heart after all.

The film is almost like a music video, sexy and sleek. The intermate shots, the jarring of the camera to make the creature move in a more unrealistic way and the music keeps the whole film feeling new and fresh and while it has been out a fair while now it still feels fresh to watch.

As creature films go this is most certainly one of the good ones and with the creature being a thing of beauty. A classic that you can watch over and over. It’s tense, dark, moody, well-acted for the most part and a fresh take on infection. Top marks all round.

It’s that time again, the head to head. As usual me and Cassandra are going to be butting heads like two mountain goats on the edge of a mountain battling for the chance to rule the whole mountain (I assume that’s why they do it. It’s either that or something to do with mating. Whose feet will fall off? Who will be left stood on the mountain whilst the other tumbles to the sea below? Well we’ll just have to wait and see. We won’t have to wait too long because you’re reading this now. Quick tip, you can vote for who you think should win on twitter @cabinonthenet I am confident that I can win this one because I have chosen something with characteristics that everyone loves. Undead? Check. Feeds on people? Check. Been around for hundreds of years?

Check. I have chosen the zombie for these reasons to take on the vampire… wait… what do you mean that both share these things? This is going to be a bit more difficult than I thought. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve though.

I’m going to tackle this methodically in showing why I like zombies and why they would win. I might throw in a bit about why vampires aren’t as good because that is how a head to head works. So here’s the plan – explain the general concept of zombies, talk about a few different zombie movies, how they have evolved, whether the old ones are better or not, maybe throw in a curve ball or two. Attack Twilight will probably be there as well.

So Zombies originated from Haitian folklore as a dead person reanimated normally by magic.

These sorts of zombies are normally under the control of the person who reanimated them.

Notable mention to the 1938 film White Zombie which I have nothing to say about as I haven’t watched it but when googling was the oldest movie with Zombie in it. When talking about zombies in a horror sense we have to come forward a bit though to the type we are more familiar with.

The shambling, brain hungry corpses who stop at nothing short of a blow to the head.

So the first movies I’m going to bring up, obviously, are George A. Romero’s classic zombie flicks and the fathers of all modern day zombie flicks Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead.

Released in the late 60’s and late 70’s they absolutely terrified audiences. They were nothing like what horrors were before. Interestingly a quote I found on a reputable website named Wikipedia states that Romero “bred the zombie with the vampire, and what he got was the hybrid vigour of a ghoulish plague monster”.

Romero’s zombie didn’t have anyone to control them all they had was an instinctual drive to devour and consume, a mirror of capitalism and people’s lives reflected back at them. This is one of the things that is scary about Zombies. If you walk down the street behind all these slow walking people then you know how scary the zombie infestation could be. Vampires are just about lust and stuff, lust ain’t scary guys. Lust is sexy. A vampire will bite your neck and drain you a little bit whereas a zombie will tear your intestines out and crack your skull to get at that sweet, sweet brain.

The thing with zombies, even as we have come to know them , is there is still a debate on what can accurately be described as a zombie. Some would argue that the 1985 movie Re-Animator is a zombie movie. It fits certain categories that fall within the zombie genre the most important of which is the dead are reanimated but he some of the dead are still able to be conscious and able to speak. If Re-Animator is a zombie movie then Frankenstein’s monster technically fits the bill as well.

In the same argument but a completely different vein we have movies like 28 Days Later that deal with a rage virus that infects people via blood but it’s not the dead coming back to life. I remember when this movie came out (I was only 11 or 12 but I watched it when it was out on video or dvd whichever was the more prominent at the time.) and there was a lot of debate on whether it did really constitute a zombie movie. The fact they moved so fast was a point people seemed to have a problem with. This point became moot when the Dawn of the Dead remake was released also making their zombies fast. I am personally of the ilk that zombies derive their scariness from that lack of motivation and slow but unrelenting march to consume you. Don’t get me wrong though films with fast zombies can be and are scary at times. Harking back to 28 Days Later (I’m going to include it as a zombie movie) that movie had me chilled at points. Fast zombies do make them seem more of a threat and are much more useful for jump scare tactics.

Train to Busan, which was released last year, has fast zombies and that movie is fantastic and terrifying.

The sheer overwhelming numbers of fast or slow zombies is another thing that they have going for them over vampires. Vampires rarely have huge numbers because it doesn’t make sense for them to go sharing their powers with loads of people or culling the herd of humans as it were. All you need to do is manage to take a few out and your sorted (granted that’s easier said than done) whereas you take down 10 zombies there are 10 more behind it. Especially in fast zombie movies like World War Z and Train to Busan there are piles of zombies clambering over each other making for a terrifying visage.

So as my piece on zombies trundles and shambles to it’s conclusion, occasionally tripping and following every bit of distraction off on a tangent I would be stupid not to mention one of the best zombie movies. That’s right Shaun of the dead. They got everything right in what you want from a zombie, they had horror elements, they had the shambling and the eating of people. They also made it funny which is the icing on top of the brain… I mean cake. I will concede there have been funny vampire movies, I’m only going to name drop 1 and it’s What We Do in the Shadows – if you’ve not watched it I would recommend doing so!

Finally I’m going to mention a zombie movie that wasn’t my cup of tea and then bash Twilight. So the movie I tried to watch but couldn’t even get through was Warm Bodies. I’m not sure why I disliked it so much, maybe because it was a romance story or maybe because they made zombies out to be smart and they can come back to life with love. Anyway it was trash in my opinion. It’s not as trash as all the Twilight movies (sweet burn) though so Zombies win on this, they only have one bad movie to their name that I can think of at this moment in time.

So let’s wrap this up because I’m sure you’re all getting sick of reading this and the stellar arguments I am making in the pro zombie corner. I tend to not to talk too much about the other side because I generally don’t dislike it and it’s not about detracting from the other side but more espousing the virtues of my side. So for me the old zombie is scarier than the vampire. It’s because of the crazy

HEY! I’M NOT DONE! Here are some notable mentions.

The Walking Dead – More so the graphic novel but the TV show has it’s moments too.

The Evil Dead – Sometimes put down as a zombie movie I feel like I should mention it.

Zombieland – Fantastic movie and the rules do certainly make sense.

[REC] – Already covered by Cassandra but a great zombie movie.

I Am Legend – The book and movie are strong. Once again, maybe not zombies. Close to a zombie/ vampire hybrid in fact.

unstoppability (yes that’s a word) of the race as a whole, The fact there are so many of them and in some ways the way they reflect on society as it is.

How can you Vs Zombies and Vampires? We are talking to very different breeds of horror, or are we? What made me want to do this Vs was that when you get down to it zombies and vampires are very similar (I suppose most horror monsters are but meh roll we with me) I put the idea to Stan and boom! Vs for issue 7.

Vampires. Dead, re-animated, requiring humans to survive, rotting and natural predators.

Depending on who you’ve read or what you watched will colour your view of vampires. Like mine for instance. Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, Caroline B Cooney * and that’s just a handful of the vampires that have crossed my path. Vampires can be gentleman, ladies, romantic, brooding, sadistic, god like and monstrous. (We are not talking about glittering, back off Stan) There is an allure for sure with vampires. The idea of living forever, being stronger than man.

Gary Oldman walking with a cain, with his long hair lacquered to his shoulders. Hubba! Sorry where was I? Death by vampire also seems somewhat more reserved than death by zombie.

Either the slow drain or the more frenzied attack. Most of the time the unsuspecting human has no idea what’s about to happen and then it’s over. With zombie’s it’s bigger, the fear, the chase and trying to fight or escape. One stalks the nights, hidden in the shadow and the others? They will come day or night and in their hordes.

With modern culture the vampire is seen less of a threat and more of a sexual being and while there is denying that vampires do indeed feel more sexual, the way they move, the brooding darkness and the mode of death are they scary? Does a vampire breath fear into your heart?

Maybe, maybe not.

There has been more of an influx of late of exciting, sensual vampires on the scene but if you look back to Hammer Horror vampire films even then the lead usually Mr Christopher Lee is graceful, confident and oozes appeal. Are you likely going to want to be sucked on by a zombie? Nope.

It’s a tough one to really pit these two together. What’s more terrifying, a pack of wild and hungry dogs working together to bring you down. Little thought and more instinct or the Lion who’s be watching you all day, waiting for you to drop your guard and then attack?

I know what you are thinking, Cassandra aren’t you on the Vampires side!? Yes, I am but it never does to underestimate your opponent and Stan is a clever old bean.

There is nothing wrong with the subtle vampire approach but when paired with Zombies, you’ve got to think bigger and better. Sure you have the undead and the virus zombie but what else? At least with vampires you get so many to pick from….

30 days of night, it might not be your bag but it’s got one hell of a vampire problem. Vampires who need to survive and who have 30 days to tear apart a small town, not much thinking on their part mind because once the town is gone who are they going to eat? Can’t imagine too many towns popping up in the artic but anyways the vampires. Built to be killing machines, long nails, teeth to rip flesh and built like brick shit houses and don’t forget the speed. They hunt in a pack and they tear the people down one by one. There’s no courting here, it’s pure killing.

How about Daybreakers? Which we covered in the last issue. Not the vampires that are running the city but the ones that can’t get enough blood and start to mutate into bat like beasts? Who will kill and eat anything including themselves. It’s a clever film, you should check it out.

What about those older vampires a? We’ve not forgotten them, the white faces, the unhuman look about them. The feeling that something is wrong. Shadow of the vampire and Salem’s lot have these vampires. The buck yellow teeth and those slender hands. Of course, we know who their predecessor is, that silent walk up the stairs, hand extended, it gives is the willies just thinking about it. These vampires are more silent that the ones I’ve mentioned above. Not needing to engage in quips just pure focus and then death, if you’re lucky.

We love vampires and not just because they can come in all types of packaging which is part of the fun, seeing how someone has taken them on with their own ideas but vampires unlike zombies have attitude. They know they are superior. We are cattle and a vampire with an attitude is a dismal place to find yourself. The want to play cat and mouse with you. Lestat in Interview with a vampire is one such man (was) who loves the chase, he likes to wine and dine but he is cocky and full of it. He’s not alone, The lost boys is a gang of the bloody thugs with attitude in abundance! Not only that, they were young and teens are the worse sort of attitude. Again, we see attitude with Frost from Blade, better than humans and vampires alike even if he was turned and not born, it’s sort of muggle isn’t it!?

Zombies, the chase you, the eat you. The either run fast or slow. They are singular, they don’t track, they don’t think they just go. Which is of course terrifying but how long can you keep someone engaged with the running, the hiding, what new way can you introduce zombies? We’ve even had romantic zombies which is just nasty and I’ve heard on the grapevine there is a thing called zombie porn? I’m not fact checking that, you do it you, brave soul.

I have enjoyed more vampire books and films than I have zombies, however ‘The Beyond’ is one of my all-time favourite films so I don’t hate the little nasties at all but I’m here fighting for my vampires and damn it! I wanna win! You want a chase scene and buckets of blood, zombies it is.

You want something a little more unsettling, something brooding, something sinister than vampires is it.

Are vampire’s better killers? You know I can’t say, they are so similar and so different to zombies it really depends on what you want at the end of it. A mass killing of people or a few people until it becomes a problem….

Let us know your thoughts on twitter! Keep an eye or two peeled for the Poll.

Life can be full of problems. Finding the food needed to feed your family. Barging for ammo to keep the undesirables away but one thing that should not be a chore is pleasing your Zombie. We have compiled a list of straight forward and easy instructions to please the zombie in your life.

Have dinner ready. Not much planning should be needed as your Zombie is going to be more partial to brains than beef stew. Having dinner ready shows that you have been thinking about your zombie and are concerned of your zombies needs.

If it’s been a slow horde day a good brain is going to be the warm welcome that your zombie needs.

Take a little time to get yourself ready before your zombie comes home.

Wash your face, brush your hair, belt on your protective gear. Covering the arms and legs, don’t cover too much. Your zombie will want to see a little flesh on returning home.

Be happy and perky upon your zombies return. Have something witty or intelligent to say. Walking with a horde all day may well make your zombie feel a little less than satisfied with office conversation.

You spent the day tiding the house but now is a good time to put a few obstacles in the way. Leave the baseball bat by the door and the hockey

stick by the fire.

Your zombie maybe all love but you can’t take that risk. Always be prepared.

Keep the children or pets quite upon your zombies return.

Loud noises may cause the zombie to lash out and begin the chase again.

Your children and pets are not food and it is your role to ensure that your zombie knows that.

Remember this is your zombies time. Never complain if he is late or if he decided to eat somewhere else. Instead try to understand how hard your zombie’s day has been. The pressure and strain that comes with walking for miles. This is he’s sanctuary, you are his sunlight.

Make your zombie comfortable. Have your zombie sit in that favourite chair, fetch a stiff drink. Rub those feet, your zombie has been on them all day.

Greeting your zombie at the door with problems is a no no. You are his release from the outside world. Problems can wait.

Don’t be upset if your zombie invites friends over. Remember all your basic training and stay alert and on guard but serve the refreshments and canapés with a smile upon your face while clutching the shotgun under your house coat.

Ask Wanda!

Honeys don’t let them horror problem’s get you down! Tell them all to Aunt Wanda and she will steer you right!

DISCLAIMER! Wanda can not be held accountable for advice given and your action upon taking them. Wanda is on day release from the cabin.

Dear Wanda, I’m at my wits end with my husband. I can’t do anything to please him. I only buried him a few days ago, will the moaning ever stop!?

Desperate, Beverly Hills.

Oh, I feel your pain sugar! My second husband was the same. You didn’t say where you buried him? If in the house, I would recommend pouring bleach into the hole. If outside, you best check on him, he really shouldn’t be alive!

Dear Wanda, I keep seeing my wife at night but she died years ago, it’s scaring me as I was so sure I wouldn’t feel guilty, but she left me no choice. What do I do!

Bill, Essex Ah Bill, did you really think you could escape the wrath of your woman? She’s haunting your arse and until you do something she’s not going anywhere! I would suggest roses. Good luck.

Dear Wanda, I think my neighbour is a werewolf. I have no solid evidence but the signs are all there. What do I do to keep him from my door?

Red, Sweden Sweet Red, stay strong. Are you able to find a silver bullet or two? While werewolves are cute they also come with killer instinct. You’re going to have to take him out before he shreds you.

Do this before a full moon. Perhaps evidence is best before you pop him off?

Dear Wanda, Please can you help? I’ve got a friend who has got a taste for the finer things in life, most notably human flesh. I’ve told him that as a vegetarian it turns my stomach but he’s invited me to dine with him and I don’t want to eat the postman! How do I politely decline without looking like I don’t trust him?

Ashley, Washington

Got a problem? Wanda is here to help! Drop her a message info@thecabinonthe.net

Nothing is ever too much trouble for Wanda

Girl! Order a pizza! Or show up with some home baked goods and tell him you didn’t want to put him out. However, if you did decide to take the night off (if that’s aloud) human flesh is perfect with red wine! Bon apatite.