Everybody Has One: Road Grass Bites Ass

Road Grass Bites Ass

Grass Clippings VS Motorcyclists

Well, folks, here we are again, caught where the wool is short.

Today’s subject is slightly slippery, with a side of minced salami straight off the seat-of-shame; the fanny! Any ole experienced rider knows of that one dark-force agent of the winter—BLACK ICE; heck, every motorized vehicle operator knows about that stuff… We know, and that’s why today we are here to consider and examine his atrocious fifth cousin— (bumbumbum) GREEN ICE. That’s right - grass clippings scattered on the blacktop, as it were.

As per usual, this spring and summer season, we have spent many hours on the roadways (especially those of the “back” sort), and we have noticed, perhaps due to stimulated consciousness being out in Nature and all, a particular spike in “road grass” offences. (We also, especially throughout the “Covid” situation, have witnessed a particular spike in entry-level riding; people are getting their social distancing on FORREAL by way of two wheels; and we love it). However, we don’t love the fact that when you mix the two up, beginner/ inexperienced riders and a sudden patch of blind road grass, you wind up in a pinch, pucker, or, (if you are really into seeking sudden series of unfortunate events), you crash out and “till the dirt” with your goose-berry grinder (and that pun was most certainly intended)!

It’s easy to get to thinking about them there folk, the ones that sling that greasy green lube (imagine dew-wet grass; blind curve; country no lane; sparkling green ice) all in the roads; it’s simple to think, ‘why that fella there must not know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt’ or that ‘maybe they’re about as sharp as mashed potatoes’, or maybe that ‘they couldn’t catch their breath what if it didn’t come natural’, or possibly that ‘they must be just as crooked as a hound’s leg and twice’t as dirty’, or maybe even ‘so danged worthless that the TIDE wouldn’t even take them out’; but regardless of our emotional reflexes, we, as riders, must understand one thing out the gate: SOME FOLKS JUST DON’T KNOW (and also, every garden has its weeds…). So, in all honesty, is it even worth the spit it’d take to cuss ‘em out? Let’s get down to the green of things….

Grass=ass=Ive had fun before, and this sure ain’t it. That rider is liable to get up madder than an ole grizzly bear with a sore arse! (And believe us, his arse will be sore, if it’s able to get up at all).

Does grass (of the road-scattered sort, of course) offend us? Why, does a cat have climbing gear? Hell yes!! This hazardous waste, slicker than that scandalous banana peel, ‘green ice’ infringes upon us and our freedoms. Come on slick, it ain’t very becoming and thrice as rude, especially if you take in the wastefulness of gobstoppin the roadways with clippings

instead of putting them to good use elsewhere. Best to learn the little rhyme “A bit of hasty waste might turn a good bum to paste…” if you’re not into bums of the pasty variety.

Grass clippings and other lawn debris are a major safety threat to motorcyclists with a potentially deadly effect; conversely, when salvaged and utilized, that grass can be badass.

The Facts Are:

• Grass clippings, when spread across a roadway, create a mighty slippery surface (“green ice”, it has been dubbed), especially if wet in the least (mornin’ dew, recent rain, sprinklertreated, etc). • In many a municipality it is downright illegal to sling grass *in the roadways (and we two-wheelers thought we were the rebels!) • Grass has 85%%water content which is where its slippery nature hails from (and even when it is dry, it’s still slippery) - the loss of traction is therefore compounded. • It’s already bad enough that we have to contend with ole Mother Nature in the fall, when our gorgeous forests unblouse themselves of their leafy coverage (those orange and red blazes are pleasant on the peepers, but can play hell on your two-wheeled machine’s rubbers). We can’t change the ol’ diehard habits of the trees, now can we? • *********It is easy for motorcyclists, notably in the spring and summer riding months, to become somewhat complacent; sort of dormant in their caution and awareness. • Grass clippings in the roadway, even when they are anticipated by a skilled rider, are still dangerous. They can cause the rider to have to make a serious safety maneuver in order to avoid it. It can cause reactions in any rider such as fast speed reduction, sudden lane changes, or double yellow crossings (among many others - all of which may be considered “high risk/hazard” for the motorcyclist and want to be avoided like the covid.) • A lil’ extra fun fact: (especially for all you fishermen(women) out there— yard clippings are also anti-environmentally friendly for our waterways. This is because they consist of mostly water and nitrogen; a mass accumulation of grass clipping. in local waterways can alter pH and O2 levels as well as lead to algae blooms (which may kill off aquatic life as well as damage aesthetic pleasures).

Some positive sunshine & rainbows requested?

• Grass clippings are actually beneficial to your lawn despite being a bushel o’ bad for the waters and roadways. The nitrogen that is such a devilish dickens to the H20 and asphalt actually becomes a great fertilizing source for lawns in addition to other inherent compounds found in decomposing grass. They can also be great in your garden compost (in appropriate doses, of course) and grand in areas that need a sprinkle of mulch. Easy enough. • Regardless of the argument as to whether the rider ought to have enough skill to avoid road grass accidents or if the mower needs to turn it’s gr’ass around, the fact remains: the ‘’green ice’. and its debris henchmen can cause some serious two-wheel carnage...and not the laying rubber, burning fuel, good time having kind of carnage neither.

If the strip of yard’s big enough, why that green slick sometimes looks as if its hell bound and determined to cause a month’s worth’a buryin.

If a rider does happen to come out of a “green ice” curve, you bet your sweet biscuits they’ll feel so blessed they could step right square in manure and come out smelling like a rose!

Yes, there will be quite a few “skilled riders” who’ll take offense to this article, claiming “it is all in the skill level”; however, that is quite the “umbrella statement”, as everything is situational.

The facts do remain, that it is upon us, the riders, to step up and make the common folk aware of the damages that can be procured by slinging that slime out into the roads that save so many souls by way of two-wheeled freedom.

Again, clipping to the inside can be beneficial, not only for the two-wheeled travelers, but to your yard itself! It’s the perfect time to do a 180.

As for the scattered grass blades, we’re just saying, if you got a rooster, he’s goin to crow.

It’s the perfect time to “turn it around”

Road Grass Bites Ass— will YOU join the movement? - -Two Concerned Enthusiasts

Whatchu Got To Say? Shoot us a line. EveryBodyHasOne@FTCarolinas.com