CHRONICLE
ISSUE 03 EMPATHY FINAL.indd 1
VOLUME 69
26.11.19 11/18/19 4:44 PM
TABLE OF CONTENTS EDITOR’S NOTE 04 JASMINE PICKETT EMPATHY : 06
TAKUDZWA NENGOMASHA
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NOELLA KABERA
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BRYNA FIGURSKY
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ANONYMOUS
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ANONYMOUS
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ANONYMOUS
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ANONYMOUS
POETRY:
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HANNAH AMANKWAH
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ANONYMOUS
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“Homo sum; humani nil a me alienum puto: I am human; therefore I consider nothing human to be alien to me.�
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EDITOR’S NOTE em·pa·thy /’empeTHē/ noun 1. Sunshine after days of bitter winter cold. A friend playing a battered old guitar before choir. The joy of seeing a close friend after a long and weary day. The voice of your soulmate, telling you about their day and how it’s not the same without you there beside them. 2. The person who lets you go ahead of them in line, or the person who gives you their seat on the bus after you’ve just run to catch it. A fresh pot of tea shared with family. 3. Hand gripping hand in unspoken support.
BY: JASMINE PICKETT
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“The world is filled with nice people. If you can’t find one, be one.”
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The first time I ever had to take an international flight alone was when I was 12 years old. I had never flown by myself and I had never paid attention when my parents were there. The fear on my face was so apparent that everyone that looked at me probably knew that I was totally freaking out. I sat at the corner of my gate and was trying to make sure that I didn’t fall asleep because I didn’t want to get left by my flight. This woman walked up and sat next to me, she started having a conversation with me about really random stuff, like what my favourite colour was, and I was thinking about the words of my mother, “don’t talk to strangers.” She asked me where I was flying to and I realized we were on the same flight. When we started boarding, she made sure that I was in front of her and she told a flight attendant that I was flying by myself. When we landed, she kept checking up on me and making sure I was okay, when I finally saw my mom at the door, I felt my own relief and finally felt safe. I thanked the lady and made my way out. This experience has always stuck with me, she didn’t know who I was and didn’t owe me any kind of kindness, but she still treated me in that way. Life is already very difficult because we all have so much on our plates, and sometimes it feels as though its contents are constantly running over. It is hard sometimes to look at others and give them a break especially when we feel we can never catch one ourselves. Not being able to forgive each other is one of those things that can constantly drain you and can make you feel weak. But, if we remember that the kindness and compassion we show each other lightens our own loads then maybe we can give each other a little more room to make a few mistakes and learn how to navigate this walk in life.
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You are not the victim. In life, we are often hurt, betrayed, or lied to by those around us. Which leads us to believe that we are always the victim. The truth is, it’s easier to look at the faults of others, before looking at our own flaws and mistakes. Remember, even the kindest people are capable of harm. No one is perfect, and it’s okay to accept those imperfections because it’s how God created us. We were made to make mistakes, but we were also made to learn from them. To grow as individuals, we have to take responsibility for the wrongs we have caused as well. Growth doesn’t happen overnight, but working towards reconciliation can be the first step to becoming a better person.
You must learn from your mistakes or otherwise continue to make them. In almost every relationship, friendship, or interaction you will have, there will be a time where your words or actions will hurt someone. When that time comes, remember to self-reflect. Acknowledge the pain that you have caused. Otherwise, this will only hurt you and others in the process. Ask yourself, “what would God want me to do?” Everything thrown at us in life is a test, and overcoming those obstacles is how God tests our strengths. It’s good for us to walk away from a toxic situation, but when the knife is on the other end, what then? How can we fix those broken bonds? How can we work on becoming the person God wants us to be? It all starts with you.
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Encouraging Acts of Kindness As the world becomes a more digital place, the little signs of kindness that society used to be based on are slowly disappearing alongside the continual fall of face to face social interaction. So, in hopes of deterring this trend around campus, I have organized a list as a reminder of some of the simplest things someone can do that will make someone else’s day a lot better, hopefully resulting in the campus as a whole being known as a positive and happy place. Think of this list as a kind of challenge, and see how many you can incorporate as a habit into your daily life, as eventually these things should come naturally. Smile more – There are many reasons to smile more, a few being it actually makes you happier, it takes less muscles than frowning, and it makes you appear as a more approachable person, so why not do it more? Hold the door – This simple act is progressively seeming to become a lost art, but you can really help someone out or make their day just by holding the door for them. Show appreciation and give thanks - Thank someone who you appreciate, for even the smallest of acts. Sometimes the people that do the most for us are the ones that we forget to thank the most. Be a good listener – When someone is talking to you, be sure to give them your full attention. It may be tempting to pick up a phone and check your feed while someone is ranting to you about their bad day, but others notice when you are a good listener, and exhibit the same behavior towards you. Offer your assistance - Whether it be helping out in a soup kitchen or just picking something up that someone has dropped, offering your assistance will make someone else’s day a lot better, and you will feel happier! Talk to those serving you – Ask how someone’s day was that is serving you, or if you see them frequently, get to know their name. Let someone go past you in line – If you aren’t in an absolute rush to get somewhere, there is likely someone in a line that is. You can make someone’s day by simply allowing them to cut in front of you in line. Surprise a friend – Finally, you can show your appreciation for someone by surprising them, even with something as simple as a card or email that shows that you care!
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“Leave this world a better place than how you found it.”
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Dear future me, I’m excited for when the time comes where it is no longer younger me talking to older me but older me talking to younger me. I hope this letter makes sense to you. I just wanted to apologize for all that I’ve done. I wanted to apologize for putting so much effort into fitting in and being one of the cool kids that my grades felt the consequences of it. I’m so sorry for picking a friend group that doesn’t look out for me. I’m sorry for the weird boys that I’ve dated and the internal scars that they have left behind. I’m also sorry for all of the external scars that you are left with. Sorry that I was so weak and broken. I’m sorry for the mess I’ve caused in our life. I am truly sorry that you have to clean it all up. From, Young Me Dear younger me, Oh, how time flies and oh how times have changed. Years ago you wrote a letter to future me and here I am writing to younger me. I would like to say that I have grown so much since that letter. I heard your apology and I want to say I forgive you. I forgive you for slacking off in school and trying so hard to be cool. I forgive you for choosing such a horrible friend group. Yes, at the time it sucked but because of them I learned what not to look for in certain friendships and now have such an amazing group of friends that have become my family. I forgive you for dating all those weird boys because just like the horrible friends I had, they also taught me what not to look for. And for all the external scars? It’s okay because it is a reminder of how strong little me was. Those scars are reminders that if it were not for your strength I honestly don’t know where I would be. So, I wouldn’t say you left a mess and I wouldn’t say you were weak. I forgive you and I want to say thank you. Thank you for staying strong and thank you for not giving up. You were the beginning stages of what was to become the new and improved me, the new and improved us. And let me tell you, I love who I’ve become.
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‘Analise’
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We cannot cure the world of sorrows but we can choose to live in joy.”
Analise shows up to her morning Biology class late every day. She always seems to dawdle into the classroom about 15 minutes after the period starts. She manages to find a seat in the back, and fumbles through her messy bag to pull out a crumpled piece of paper and a chewed up pencil so she can catch up on the notes the teacher has written on the board. Her fellow classmates would describe her as unsociable, lazy, and believe she must not care about her appearances, as she comes into class with her hair messy and clothes untidy. Some assume she sleeps in late or spends her time slacking off. None of them really know her grades in the class, but most assume she’s probably barely managing to pass... Truth is, Analise spends her time taking care of her sick mother and two younger brothers. Her father works long and late hours to pay for medical bills, food, clothes, and Analise’s school fees. Every evening, Analise comes home with her brothers and makes sure they are fed and taken care of, helping them with homework and getting them ready for bed. They are much younger than she is, so they can’t help out as much as she can. Once she is done with them and they go to bed, she checks in on her mother and makes sure she has her medications, food, and everything she needs for the night. After that, she stays up late to do all her homework and prepare for the next morning. In the morning, she feeds her brothers and gets them ready for the day, while also making sure her mother has her medications and is prepared before the nurse comes in later that day. She drops her brothers off at their elementary school and then heads to her own campus. She has to give her mother medications at a specific time each morning and her brothers have to be at school the same time her morning class starts, so as a result she is late. She isn’t failing any classes though it would look like it, but she does not have the simple privilege of taking time for herself other than a quick shower and throwing on clothes, so she looks to others as if she doesn’t care or try. We are surrounded by Analise’s, and sometimes we are Analise. People assume we are lazy or don’t try, or maybe that we “have it easy” or have perfect lives. We may even find ourselves making assumptions or judging others based on what we think is true about them. The beauty of empathy, is that it allows us to see the world through each other’s eyes and understand why we are the way we are, it allows us to see how we can help one another. Can you imagine if Analise’s classmates simply asked her why she was late, and after finding out, asked if she needed help with her brothers? What if there was a classmate who could help Analise take care of herself or be her friend? When we empathize with each other we build a community of people who are compassionate and understanding. So the next time you see an Analise, talk to them and put yourself in their shoes.
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“When you are careless with other people you bring yourself to ruin.” 15
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EMPATHY & HUMANITY Sometimes we just want somebody to hear us out. Or we need somebody to understand where we are coming from. Empathy: “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” We often mistake sympathy for empathy. Sympathy is when you share the feelings of another. One does not necessarily have to share the feelings of another to empathize. Empathy is definitely a learned trait, that we as humans need to practice learning more and instill in our children from a young age. Greater empathy leads to more helping behavior. It is shown to reduce stress, help with healing, personal growth, and creativity. Imagine if we all took the time to really understand one another when disagreeing. Many arguments could be avoided, and we would also inherit those positive outcomes.
Cognitive, emotional, and compassionate empathy are the three types. Cognitive empathy is being able to put yourself into someone else’s place and try to see their perspective. Emotional empathy is when you feel the other person’s emotions alongside them. Compassionate empathy is feeling someone’s pain, and taking action to help them. We often feel compassionate empathy when empathizing with another. Humans are social beings and everyone has the capacity to develop empathy. It is a skill, and any skill can be learned with the right amount of effort. One skill that we can all learn is listening. If you want to connect with your family, co-workers, friends, and/ or children, empathetic communication is necessary and listening is a part of that as well. We as humans on a whole can learn to feel empathetic towards another, rather than just keeping it in the circle of our family and friends. Let’s expand it towards customers, teachers, students, and even our enemies. Our goal as a community should be to empathize with one another. It is a big step towards social-behavioral change and will benefit and mend our relationships with one another for the better. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, and so let’s aim to keep each other’s best 16 interests at heart.
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“How do you measure the worth of a man? . . .by how much he gained or how much he gave?” 17
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A Time I Failed to be Empathetic As much as I like to consider myself a person of empathy, I know that I’ve failed people, even one of my closest friends. My friend “Megan” started dating my other friend “Jacob”. I considered both of them to be my best friends at the time, and naturally we all hung out all the time. Megan was prone to jealousy, though, and would get upset if Jacob and I made too many jokes together or seemed to be “vibing” too well when we were hanging out. It was founded in nothing, honestly, but it still really bothered her and it drove her to say some rather insulting things to me. Instead of telling Megan she had hurt me or talking through what she was feeling, I set out to dig in deeper. I would make more jokes, engage more with Jacob, and take extra effort to exhibit my friendship with Jacob to her. I didn’t understand why my closeness with Jacob was driving her to treat me poorly and at that point I didn’t want to. Looking back, I realized my lashing out didn’t help the situation at all and in the process, I really hurt someone I cared about. Megan was in the wrong too, I didn’t deserve her abuses even if they were founded in insecurity, but there was another way to work it out. I was meant to be someone she could come to, and instead I drove a wedge between us by making her feel even more disoriented than she already was. I’m not proud of the way I treated her, but since then the memory of how I hurt one of my best friends has helped me to be a more empathetic person going forward.
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To my Hero, My Dad. You are my role model I look up to you From the day that I was swaddled You held me close to you You never let me go Even when times were hard You made sure that I would know That you loved me and we would never be apart Even though you weren’t at every ball game I knew that it was okay Because I knew you were working to get money for me It wasn’t your fault to blame Everyone said “look, that’s my daddy” I said “my daddy’s not here” But every time I went home. I was always greeted with a smile of good cheer. You helped me be the person that I am today. Always wanting to be like you Your humour, your love, the truth that you would always say You always stayed strong for me so I thought that you could never get hurt. But I’m now realizing that my ultimate hero is not so clean You have wounds, scars, and dirt. I’m glad that you stayed strong for me though Because knowing me My heart would have sank and dropped low. I remember, I only saw you cry once And that was the time when you were talking about your mother who passed away that month It was ok to cry, it was ok to mourn, but this time when it happened My heart was torn.
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You said, “Don’t worry, God’s got it” Well It’s easy to say when you’ve memorized it, but you truly believed, and that made me believe. I started praying on my knees I started to intercede, On your behalf, on my behalf, on our behalf. Pray without ceasing, The word says In all things pray. And God will intervene with the problems ahead. So that’s what I’m gonna do Put it in God’s hands Not let it affect school I’m not only gonna go to school for me But I’m going to go for you You have sacrificed so much for me The love that I have for you is unconditional and I know you feel the same way too. You taught me how to trust people and you taught me how to love people. Be kind, but don’t let people take advantage of you. Be caring, don’t lie, and always try to tell the truth. Just little things like that has made me the woman that I am today I thank you dad, for bringing me up this way. I love you Dad.
You told me the news. I started to cry You heard me cry, then you started to cry But I thought that super heroes could never die, inside, but that’s what I felt when those tears fell from your eyes.
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“And to you, who has never stopped believing in good, and watching the night sky, no matter what life has thrown at you. Thank you for believing always. I hope you find what you are looking for.� 20
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“Until you have become really, in actual fact, a brother to everyone, brotherhood will not come to pass.”
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My feelings have a name. I have a box in the corner of my room. It has been there, unopened, since late last June. It holds mistakes and promises to people I don’t even remember. Sometimes I’m happy it’s closed. It hides how I feel. It let’s me know that none of this is real. It can’t be real How could someone else understand how I feel? The masking tape has lapped over itself in an attempt to conceal me, and pretend I’m not there. Left in the corner of the room hoping someone might empathize with a disappointing June.
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