2017/18 Issue 2 - And these are their stories...

THE BURMAN

CHRONICLE

AND THESE ARE THEIR STORIES

I S S U E

T W O ,

V O L U M E

6 5 ,

1 3 . 1 0 . 1 7

e d i to r’s not e Every life is a collection of stories that make up one large narrative; the narrative of humanity. We would not have enough pages on the face of the planet to collect and document every story of every individual at Burman. However, the first step is to search for and to highlight a few.

It’s easy to assume that because our campus is small, we know everyone’s story. The danger of that has been displayed time and time again, and members of this community are trapped in a story that they didn’t choose. Struggles, fears, and joys are a part of the human experience. However, these basic human rights are exploited and used for their so called “entertainment” value. Here is just a simple reminder that we are all human. That we are a community. That your pain is our pain. That our triumphs are my triumphs. We should, as a Christian community, create a space in which it is safe to be vulnerable, authentic, and broken without fear or judgment. By doing this we create a culture of peace, harmony, and love for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

The story doesn’t end with this issue. It can’t end here. Our lived experience takes fight off of these limited pages and soars beyond what our eyes can see, way past what we can comprehend.

Here’s to the beautiful kaleidoscope that make up the beautiful mosaic that are the Burmanites… and these are their stories.

With love and reverence, Rechelle-Lee Smith Editor

layout design by jacqui mccarty

What is your biggest fear?

My biggest fear is whether people really like me or not. I don’t know, I shouldn’t really worry about it but because I have bad anxiety, I do. Even though I know that I have friends that care about me and love me, I always have these moments where I wonder if they actually do care.

Sometimes it keeps me up at night, thinking about it and I wonder why I can’t stop thinking about it. Like, when I have an argument with a friend and even though it was not an argument that was very serious, it still makes me wonder if they actually still care or if it was just a meaningless fight. Even the slightest thing, I will start questioning it, like does this person really like me or are they just being nice?

So how do you deal with this fear on a day to day basis?

One of the ways that I deal with it is talking to one of my close friends. They know about my anxiety and how I think because of it. They try to help reassure me because they know more about my anxiety than people who I am not as close with would. When I’m feeling this way, and questioning if people really like me or not, they assure me that everything is okay and that I’m just over thinking things. Because they know me well, they tend to know how I think when I am anxious, even when I don’t even realize that I’m thinking that way. This helps me to deal with it because they are able to see problems in my thinking that I didn’t even know that I had.

Why do you think you have developed this fear?

I think I have it because I am really shy and because so many friends have hurt me in the past and so I try and defend myself by having this fear. I think I use it as a way to protect myself from getting hurt, because if I question their motives, I am less likely to be hurt and upset by their actions, because it will not be a surprise to me. Having this fear is like having a defense mechanism that prevents me from getting hurt by friends like I have in the past. I know what it feels like to be hurt by friends and so I think that I developed this fear as a way to keep that from happening again.

Amanda Logan, interviewed

by Danilyn Page

0 4

As a student from abroad, I’m sure you have a unique perspective on coming to Burman to study. What is it like for you?

For me, it is the perfect, refreshing, serene environment to study in, without external distractions as in big cities. It is a small university in a small town with small classes – which has great advantages. I enjoy the privilege of having close relations with the professors, who can and do give time and attention to students, including myself.

I get sentimental about Lacombe. It is the only place I have lived in Canada, so it isn’t just “the place I go to study” – it is also the place I live in. Both a home and a school. I appreciate the care this school’s deans have towards the students, and the support systems in place to help them in their journey.

It is the whole holistic education system; academic, physical, and spiritual.

I also appreciate the literature I have read here.

One of the most important differences I find here in North America in general and particularly at Burman University is that professors do their best to ensure that students are well-prepared for the career ahead of them, rather than just to get their degree. A student chooses a program when they begin their studies, but what their true goal is to find their vocation, and that may mean changing the direction of their studies several times. I have found this to be a pleasant, non-judgmental experience.

Was this different in your previous institutions?

It was. I appreciate the ability to drop subjects; at my previous institutions you could only pass or fail. Further, the attitude was different. For example, I started by pursuing a bachelor’s of music. However, I want to go into graduate studies in law, and I learned I need a BA, so now I am working towards a BA. Here, the advisors and professors welcome changes in direction, while back where I studied before the attitude was more like, “make up your mind!”

Thus, my experience at Burman was largely positive. However, there are some things that can be improved.

I really wish professors would focus more on improving quality over quantity of work. We get many assignments, while a few good ones would be better academically and spiritually. At a Christian school, one should not be struggling to fit in 1 to 1 ½ hours of time for devotion.

Also, the spiritual life here is struggling with a lack of authenticity. A good revival does not need organized corporate worship – student-driven, spontaneous worship experiences can fill that need if the students are passionate Christ. It shouldn’t be for credits – what happens with credits is that students come to the worship with the mindset that they’re doing it for credits, which hampers their growth.

Anele, interviewed by Elijah Tchaplinski

What’s one piece of advice you’d give to your younger self?

If I could give any advice to younger me I would tell her to live in the present. Stop waiting around for some event of life to “begin” I would tell my younger self to stop thinking, “This isn’t my real life. Life will begin when I’m working here or living there or doing that.” Life has already started.

Life is happening where you are right now. Things aren’t going to magically fall into place and cause for the life you want to begin. Life doesn’t work that way. And I know you’ve heard to make the most of where you are right now but seriously DO IT. Life already started with or without you. It’s not on hold until you graduate, until you get the perfect job, until you travel here or there. It’s happening right before your eyes. Whatever is happening to you right now is real life so just live it to the fullest you can.

Live in the present. Just live.

Andrea Lavy (Alumni), interviewed by Angelica Cornejo

0 6

“I think my saddest moment hasn’t really been a moment, it’s been like stretched out in a span of multiple years… when I was younger my biological father left when I was seven and I really haven’t seen him, or spoken to him or anything since I was seven. So my Mom was a single mom with just my sister and I for a couple years and then she met someone else who is now my dad. I don’t call him my step-dad and I remember the moment they got married I was just in love with him. It was like, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I have a father now.” I remember our relationship was so close, it was like, I can’t believe I have a father! Like, he’s mine! He’s like my hero and all these different things but he came into my life at the point where I was starting to develop as a preteen and as a teenager. So of course being an adolescent girl you like boys and all these different things and of course he had never had children before so I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to come into a family where there were already children there. But um, it became super hard to adjust to my stage in life and his expectations of me. I think one of my problems is constantly caring about what other people think. Or what people have to say.

Or when people aren’t happy with something that I’m doing, I’m like, oh my gosh, what can I do, to fix it! Right?

And so, yeah, just growing up there became a point where I became rebellious and just kind of did my own thing.

And in turn that took a toll on my relationship with my dad, with my current dad. And it’s… gotten to the point where there were times where I would be rebellious and he would… He’s the type of person who would… Like he’s super overprotective and at the same time he would lose his trust in me. The thing is that when he would lose his trust it would kind of stay that way. There were like constant walls being built between the two of us… And so that like, father daughter relationship that was so exciting at one point started getting like, deteriorated, you know what I mean? Um… and I guess like… It’s like a constant battle I think… Because, like, even now I’m no longer rebellious or whatever, like, I’ve figured out my life but… Even now I think that… I continue to struggle with wanting his approval or that father daughter relationship that we used to have. It’s just never gotten back to that point, I suppose. So… I think, yeah, it continues to be a very sad moment for me because as much as I try or want that relationship again it just is a consistent up and down type of relationship. Sometimes I’m like, oh my gosh, our relationship is as great as it’s ever been! And then sometimes it’s like the worst and I’m like, what the heck did I do? Why is he mad at me? And sometimes it’s like for no reason whatsoever. I don’t know… Sometimes my mom goes, he’s just like that, don’t worry about it but I can’t stop worrying. I can’t not worry. You know what I mean?

I just care too much. But, yeah, I think that that’s the one thing that continues to weigh on my heart and I mean I’ve heard so many bible verses of like, God is your father and he loves you like no parent ever will… But at the same time, although I know that I still long for this relationship with my dad. And constantly I’ve been tempted to give up on him and to just be like whatever… I don’t care anymore, but I don’t. I don’t know why and I think that that’s something that I continue to struggle with… And it’s crazy because I love my dad like crazy and I don’t think I tell him that enough. And I definitely don’t hear it enough from him… So… There’s my sad moment.”

Angelica Cornejo, interviewed by Rechelle-Lee Smith

“This is going to sound cliché but…The most influential person in my life is definitely my mother. My parents are separated. My mom, when she had my eldest brother Bryce, was just starting her dental practice, and… Well, first, my dad and mom are 11 years apart. I think that he just turned 20 when they had my eldest brother. Four years later they had Brenan and I; I am a twin. My mom started her dental practice, and from the time my older brother was born to the time Brenan and I were born my dad was absent. Most of the time he was working – he was just starting and was a laborer working for a plumbing company. He eventually became owner of the company, but obviously at first wasn’t making enough to support a family. When it comes to a trade like plumbing work is very seasonal. My dad does new construction plumbing so he’s mainly doing waterlines, drain tiles, and other various work. It is very seasonal work. In other words, with lots of rain you get lots of work, and in the summer, you don’t get lots of work. So, my mom was having to provide and take care of Bryce, Brenan, and I. My dad wasn’t around and didn’t care to help. While mom was at home taking care of the three of us, dad was usually at the bar having fun with his friends. Unfortunately, my mom eventually had enough and my parents split when Bren and I were only three months.

So, she ran her practice while taking care of two new babies and my older brother who was around 5 years old.

I obviously just commend her for that, because she was strong enough to provide for us, help the people who came to her practice, and stay positive and content wherever she was. There were many times where she would come home and go straight to bed. Or I could hear her crying.

I wanted to blame myself for not being able to help her financially or just give her a break. But I mean… I was just a kid... I remember, she would take us to sports practice, school, and pick us up after, while working full-time.

You know, I am here at Burman and struggling with my classes. It is crazy to think how amazing of a person she is to be able to handle all that. Also, obviously I want to…I am not sure what I want to do, but I think I am leaning toward dentistry like my mom. I admire how she interacts with people and how much knowledge she has! She is a wealth of knowledge. My mom is so smart; I mean she’s probably gotten a “B” but she says she’s never gotten one in her life! I think about it and it just stresses me out! (Laughs) But, she is the smartest person I know and every time I have an issue I call her and she always has something wise to say! She is the backbone of our family.

My mom is such a hard worker. I asked her, “Why did you send us to private school? It’s so much money!” and my mom said that she “wanted us to be in an Adventist atmosphere.” I really appreciate it now, having the opportunity to go to private Adventist school. My mom has had a lot of heartaches and trials, specifically with God and religion. Obviously, everyone goes through hard times, but when she was low it was really hard for me to see that.

You know, I am a worry wart. I just think, “Why isn’t she reading the bible as much as usual? Why is there doubt?”

In the end she always stumbled back to Christ who picked her up. That’s something that gives me reassurance in my own life; I am on a roller coaster in my own spiritual life.

My mom has taught us to continue our path searching for Christ and to rejoice when times are hard. She showed us what it is to have a relationship with Him. Everyone has ups and downs and I just admire my mom for everything that she is. I can’t wait to spend forever with her and I am honored to call her, mom.”

Brock S., interviewed By Liliet Rameriez

0 8

“Lip gloss please. I can’t answer your questions with my lips chapping up. Hello friends.

I would say my greatest struggle right now is time management. Just like finding time to do everything like sleep, homework, eat… it’s just rough. We like go from summer to like not having school work to like just coming home and watching TV. ‘til forever and now we have like five million classes and five million assignments to do. And we have friends.

And now I have to find time to do all of these things. Including taking a nap because naps are important. So yeah. Mercy my saddest moment was catching that nice L in math class.

I said what the? Yeah that was my saddest moment. I caught an L in math. That’s the only L I’m about to catch. I’m afraid of catching more Ls. Mercy. Hey! It’s a lie. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. Hey. Hallelujah. Yeah that’s it.”

Chaetta L., interviewed by Kailey Smith

“When I first started dating, the thing that drew me to my husband was his motorcycle. I loved getting on the ride and feeling the wind in my hair, just being free. No time limit, nothing. Just go, go, go. It was my first experience. Then we got married and we had a baby and then we got a motorcycle with a side car. But after a few years with that, I decided that I wanted to ride my own motorcycle. So for thirteen years, I have ridden on my own. I love it. Cornering is an awesome experience and if you haven’t tried it, you haven’t lived. Then when my son got older to ride by himself, then I got back to riding with my husband, Trevor.

I just love it, especially this time of year. We went on a ride on Sabbath and the fall colours are just beautiful. We go on a two week trip to the states every summer and it’s amazing. It is a great way to unwind and a great way to connect with your spouses as well. Some people use dancing, we go motorcycling. We have good friends that we go motorcycling with. And it really enhances my connection with Jesus. Often times when I have my full faced helmet on, the acoustics is awesome. I’ll just sing my little heart out as we’re riding down the road and thump out a good tune. I love motorcycles. We have been riding since 1981. We are also starting a motorcycle club, so if anyone is interested, they can join.”

Crystal Johnson, interviewed by Debbie Masela

10

“I think there are two things that have shaped my life. One my exposure to God at a young age and my mom. So, yes, I will say she had been the moving force and the moving part of my life. And whatever I’m able to do, most of the practical things, is because I look at my mom, the struggles she went through, and how she kept her faith and God pulled her through. So, it has informed and it has directed my perspective about life.

To have the belief that, whatever God wants to do, just give Him a little bit of years, and he will do it. And when he does that for you, it’s supposed to be a testimony and privilege for you to extend it to other people. My mom always says, “somebody’s money, is in your pocket.” What that means is, we are interconnected. The same love God showed, or provided ways that were impossible in human spheres? The same way we are to show that connection or that love to others.

So, my mom and God are my whole life — they have influenced everything about me. So, everything I do in life these are the two forces: my relationship with my family, my relationship with my students, my relationship with anybody I meet on the streets, my relationship with even my enemies, is influenced by these two things.

I ask myself how would God take this and how would God react? And it has really influenced me a lot — influenced my life a lot.

I’m Isaac.

It’s very difficult to define who I am. I am someone who believes he has a purpose to accomplish on Earth, I don’t know exactly what that purpose is, but there’s something for me to do, and when I am finished, I am gone.

What are the things I’m supposed to do that defines me, right? I am supposed to use my experience and my stories to let people know how powerful God is, and how powerful love and human relationships can go, to establish us as human beings and to prepare us for future challenges. Because once you know there is somebody out there praying for you, somebody out there backing you, to me it even gives hope to the hopeless. Those who have nobody, just the mere understanding that, “you know, there is somebody who cares.” To me, that’s a huge thing.

I see God in everyone for the life they have, I see God sustaining them. And when it comes to my mom, it really affects my relationship with the opposite sex because I begin to see how strong, faithful, and powerful women could be. So, it has given me a perspective about women, which is, they are strong and can really do a whole lot of things if given the opportunity. I am not saying I am a feminist, no. But my mom has taught me a lot about how women can make things right. Not just any woman, though, but one who knows God and understands life. Because I believe, if it wasn’t God, the things my mom had gone through would have made her different than who she was, but because she knew God, prayed a lot, and relayed all her things to God — she got this strong faith in God and that naturally directed her life and she then directed our path.”

Dr. Darko, interviewed by Nakeda McDonald

What is your greatest struggle right now?

As a university student I would say that my greatest struggle it’s not even keeping up with school or friends, it’s more of a weight kinda thing, personal image in front of everyone. We live in a world where the term of beauty has been… how do you put it, it’s been misused to the point where we have a very skewed opinion right, and seeing all the skinny people around campus or the well-shaped people around campus kind of makes you feel you’re out of place.

Because I’m neither skinny or overweight I’m just in between and that’s just my complex. Because… that’s just in my genetics so that is the biggest struggle because as much as a try to lose weight I will get, not depressed but under a lot of pressure from homework, teachers, school, studies, everything… That’ll just send it right back up and I gain the weight again and if I try to lose it, either I go to the very point of being super thin and there’s never an in between.

Either I lose it all or I gain it completely but there’s never a happy in between. And also there’s a bunch of people around campus that look at you like they’re disgusted with your appearance… We’re at an Adventist University where everyone should be accepting and be friendly about it. But not everyone is. Right? And there are judgmental stares, there are talks behind your back and you hear it from someone else you know it just really affects you because they don’t have the guts to say it in front of you. It’s like even like my appearance, how I look, if you don’t like my weight, my shape you can just come say it to me. Right? But they don’t and I would say one of the biggest struggles for me has been my appearance and my weight. Because no one really knows how to talk about it or say it nicely… yeah.

Has this desire to lose weight made you do anything that’s unhealthy?

Yeah?

Have you talked to someone about it?

No not really… Last year I struggled with it because I wouldn’t go to get food during lunch time or breakfast or dinner time. Just for the fact that I wanted to be skinny again, because I wasn’t always like this… There’s really no one you can talk about it with even though you love your friends and you trust them you don’t always feel comfortable talking about it because you never know how they’re going to react.

Deicy Alcudia, interviewed by Samuelle Henry

12 So Devontea, what’s a struggle that you’ve faced since coming to Burman?

Shoot…that’s a serious question. Probably one of the struggles I’ve had since coming to Burman is mostly adapting to the culture. Yeah, just the culture period. Cause back home everyone looks and talks just like you, you feel me? So coming to a place where it’s completely different, even though everybody is accepting, you’re not accepting it yourself because it’s completely different from what you grew up seeing and…I don’t know it’s just different, especially when it comes to making friends.

Where I’m from people don’t just walk up to each other and say “hi, what’s your name?”. People normally just stick to themselves. If anything happens, they become friends through activity. That’s probably been my hardest struggle…adapting to the culture of Canada, making new friends, being able to trust people you’ve just met. And I think the biggest struggle I’ve had is my spiritual life. Because I’ve been going through school extra busy: fifteen credits plus online school too. I really try to have time for my spiritual life, but it’s just sometimes a struggle. Sometimes I have work due Friday nights, especially with online schools. So, work due Friday nights and I have to work through the whole night. Sometimes I wake up…can’t wake up for church on time. I wake up at like two o’clock.

I probably should have asked this at the start, but where is home for you?

Home is the Bahamas. Freeport, Grand Bahama.

I’m probably not the only one who’s noticed that you’ve been really involved in terms of relief efforts for the Bahamas, especially following the hurricanes, so I’m wondering how that has shaped your time at Burman as well?

Well just knowing… ‘cause you know we get all kinds of pictures, videos, and family calls. Just knowing that I can make a difference even with just like gofundme pages, fundraisers, asking the church to help me…it made me really appreciate the fact that I could be there struggling. Like back home, my family lives off of solar panels and our solar power – half of the panels – are gone. So we have to live off of not much electricity plus in my neighborhood – I grew up in a pretty rough neighborhood right – the houses are flimsy so just being able to see that I can make a difference with that, it really makes me feel like there is more of a responsibility on me. And when you put more responsibility on me, normally I can deliver. But it’s just been hard. Like you say “Okay, Imma do a fundraiser for this thing but you don’t really know what it is. Somebody tells you about what it is, but you don’t really know what it is. So just knowing…that I know these people and I can help change their lives for the better, it just makes me feel like I’m worth more than what I thought I was… and that’s about it.

Devontea Forbes, interviewed by Spencer Page

By Zorisha Peters

14

What is your greatest struggle right now?

I’d probably say relationships. Not just girlfriend and boyfriend but also friendships, I guess. It’s a struggle from first year to second year, you know? There’s different, new people, different friend groups and trying to keep up with each friend group – and on a personal level – is what I struggle with most, I guess.

Some people demand attention. Some people are pretty laid back. But the people who demand attention…they want me to talk to them on a personal level, right? But with my schedule, work, and acros, it’s kinda hard to talk to everyone about all my life and all my problems. That’s probably what I struggle with the most.

Do you feel you have to be friends with everyone? Or a lot of people?

Yeah. When I walk into the lobby I like being able to hang out, not just with one clique, but to be able to go and say hi to everyone. I guess I’m – well I don’t wanna boost myself – but I guess I’m one of those people that people can confide in because I don’t judge. I just listen. So I guess that could also be a problem on my end – being a little to friendly.

Do you have anyone who just listens to you? Someone who you can always confide in? Like a rock?

I do, but I don’t really use them because I don’t have a lot of problems in my life.

Well in my first year, I was a lot like you. I was friends with everyone. But it gets really tiring after a while.

Yeah. Definitely. It’s getting very tiring.

So what do you think you would do to change or to make it better?

I guess I would have to realize that I don’t have to be everyone’s friend. But the friends that I do have, I just gotta make sure that they are enriched relationships.

I’m gonna ask another question…what has been your saddest moment?

Personally, I lived a pretty sheltered life. So I have all of my grandparents, no one in my family has really died. I haven’t really had any serious trauma happen in my life. So I don’t know that there would necessarily be a saddest moment in my life.

But I’ve definitely heard sad moments from other peoples’ lives which kind of touch me.

Do you think it’s been detrimental to you that you’ve been sheltered?

In a sense, I guess. I love my family. I’d do anything for them.

But the thought that maybe I could lose one of them… I don’t know if I could cope with it. So I would either probably shut down or emotionally break down. I’m not the best with emotions so I don’t know if I could handle it.

Do you think you’ve been sheltered in other aspects of your life?

Well I was sheltered until grade twelve. My parents tried their best to encompass me with Christian values and lifestyle. So whether that was not being able to go to my friend’s house or not being able to go to the mall or going to school and coming straight back. I would say I was sheltered in that sense. I didn’t really experience ‘the world’ until I came out to Burman. And Burman’s a small school so I feel like I’m still not really experiencing the world.

Do you think that’s going to be a hindrance to you later?

Not so much now because I’ve worked jobs so I kinda have experience with what working life is like. And outside of working life you have family and friends, which I’m already accustomed to so anything else that I’m missing I’d probably have problems with, but I think I have the basics of what I need.

D’Von Cox, interviewed by Samuelle Henry

What is your greatest struggle right now?

I think my greatest struggle right now is that when I come to do my class work, I have to really struggle through it because being here is definitely not where I want to be. Where I want to be is out there in the world, doing useful things in God’s service and generally developing my life. But for that I have to have this barrier called university which I first have to pass through by the edge of my teeth before I’m officially allowed to do anything.

One of the reasons I wanted to go into ministry in the first place was my experience as a missionary in Uganda. One of the things I experienced there was that wherever I went and whatever I did, people were happy that you were doing it because there was so much that wasn’t being done. They were just glad to see that somebody was doing this thing that needed to be done. Come here and there’s still loads of things that need to be done but for everything that needs to be done you need seventeen certificates, a license, and a testimony from five different people, and some work experience while you’re at it before they can let you hold a hammer. That’s slightly exaggerated but it’s more or less the case.

So I’m here studying in this university, feeling awful because a lot of the things I’m doing I feel like this is a waste of time. But I have to do it anyway.

That is my greatest struggle.

Elijah Tchaplinski, interviewed by Angelica Cornejo

16

Who is the most influential person in your life?

As of now I can think of three collective people: mom, dad, and Jesus. [My parents] influence me because I have the feeling that I shouldn’t disappoint them so, although I know I fail in some parts, especially spiritually, I still want to make them proud. I feel like, as a child, disappointing your parents is one of the worst things you could do; as a parent, you do a lot for your kids so [making them proud] is like a way of paying back. When I was young I didn’t study, I just played, and my dad once told me: ‘I’m giving up on you so do whatever you want,’ and it kind of hurt, so I thought ‘wow, I should never do that,’ it really stuck to me. Not only in studying, but as a person I should not be someone that harms their parents because, if I act weird or if I do stuff that I shouldn’t do then people will put the blame on me and it will shame my parents as if they didn’t educate me well enough.

In regard to Jesus, He has a set of rules, right? The Ten Commandments. It’s tough to keep all of them, especially when you don’t have your parents around you, but I try to not disappoint Him although I do kind of fail. I feel like connecting with Jesus is a problem that a lot of Christians face; personally, I haven’t been able to, I’ve tried really hard to connect with Him, but maybe I didn’t try hard enough. You know that feelings?

That you know He’s there but you don’t feel the connection so you’re not really inclined to what He says.

But I’m still working on it.

I feel like we’re meant to do so much more than just fool around, I’m striving to be a better person; I want to be someone with a goal and someone that will honor their parents and God. Anonymous, interviewed by Elisa Jimenez

What is the saddest moment in your life? …I don’t have a saddest moment in my life yet, but it will most likely be when my grandma passes away…because…well we lived together for about 9 years in the same house, before that we weren’t too far away either, it was about a 10-minute walk, and even before those times… we lived pretty close by, and every time after school, before extracurricular activities, I would go to her house and eat before going out again and I would always ask her for allowance money. Those memories don’t just fade easily. And I think because I’m more… emotionally based, and because… I haven’t had a funeral yet…or I haven’t had to attend a funeral of someone that is close to me, so… if anything, she’ll probably be the first. Not saying she’s going to die, but she’s the oldest and... it’s just probable. It’s the course of life.

Why do you think your grandma’s death would be the saddest moment rather than someone else in your family, if that were to happen?

Oh no, I just think that it’s going to be the saddest moment because… she’s close to that age… she’s the first in line. I mean nobody knows when someone’s going to die, but she’s probably first in line if it’s age wise.

In a more generic way would you say that your saddest moment in your life would be if anyone of your family would die first?

I think so…but I’ve never put too much thought into of any of my other family members dying because…it’s just not the right time at their age.

So that’s why. This is not the first time I’ve thought of my grandma passing away, it’s been every year when I leave home I think, ooh maybe…

I’m just hoping this year will go by quick so that I can see her again…

She’s still active, very much active, more active than most grandmas’ I’ve seen around.

Would you say she’s very influential?

She’s very influential… through her actions not words, cause she’s not someone who enforces things on you, she never demands but she just wishes and hopes the best for her kids, like my mom or any of the aunts.

She just prays and prays and she does everything for you. She never demands or forces a thing on you. And I think with that kind of behavior, the children, or the grandchildren… we tend to see the importance of not forcing people to do certain things. So rather than making us go off the path it helps us to stay on the path by ourselves. It helps us be more independent in the right way, because she does it by example… she shows it through her actions, so I guess that’s what I model after… Yeah… I’d probably be really sad if she dies…I’ve been thinking every year, what it would be like if she wasn’t there. Our house wouldn’t function if she weren’t there, and there are so many other factors that play into that, but…it may be too long for this interview but…our house wouldn’t function without her… that’s for sure.

Anonymous, interviewed by Elsy Cornejo

18

Who Is the Most Influential Person in Your Life?

I would have to say not one person but two people, my beloved parents. They really teach me a lot and they have brought me up to be the person I am today so I’ll give them a shout out. Hi mom and dad! Yeah my parents. Cause everything that I know now and the person who I am now is thanks to them. Family.

Emmanuel M., interviewed by Kailey Smith

“Coming to Canada, you can’t speak too fast or they won’t understand you. The education system is different, so the stuff they expected me to know I didn't learn yet. My biggest fear is failing my classes and not being able to obtain my goals, or passing my classes but not being able to do anything with my degree. I get a lot of pressure from home because school is money. If I don’t do well, I have to go back home. The happiest moment in my life was when I bought my first car. The saddest moment was when my boy back home died in a car accident a couple weeks before school started. When I was six, I moved from Lacombe back to Freeport. My second week in Freeport, I was heading to church and it was a rainy day. My father was driving and I was sitting in the front seat. A truck was trying to reverse, and my father tried to swerve but it hit my side. The windshield just shattered all over my face, smashed in my door, whatever. They pulled me out the car and rushed me to the hospital. I was in the hospital for at least a month.

When I finally came out I had a cast on my face, and from that age up until 12 I had 5 surgeries. It was hard because I was kid, and the kids around had never seen me with a scar, so they called me ‘Scarface’ or “Two-face.’ It don’t affect me no more because they know me now. But I don’t like it though, because I know what I look like without a scar and I can’t get facial hair on that side of my face because of the surgeries and what they injected into it.”

Kenan Swain, interviewed by Kira Bruggemann

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“Someone who has been really influential in my life, um, my mother. And I know that’s really like, everyone says it’s their parents or something but, my mom is my hero but I think it’s something like she’s only… I’ve only recently come to see her as that way.

When I was little I had a really rough childhood with my dad and for a really, really long time I blamed her for it. For not making him leave or letting that situation stay there. It was only when I got older that I realized how much she had been through that I had never seen before… How strong she was for us even when she didn’t feel like being strong. I think that’s something that was like a revelation I’ve had in the last couple years… Just being able to see what an amazing person she is. Because a lot of kids they grow up saying, oh I want to be just like mom or I want to be just like dad. When I was a kid that was never me because it was so hard at home. Recently when I learned things and she’s told me things as I have gotten older that have helped me piece the story together and I’ve learned bits and pieces that have helped me to understand what she’s been through.

Even some of the things she said… One of the reasons that she stayed and that things happened the way that they happened is that she thought that that was what God was telling her to do and that she had thought about leaving. The first time she thought about leaving and then she learned that she was pregnant with me and then she thought maybe this is obviously a sign from God that he wants me to stay… That kind of thing happened over and over again. And eventually when I was twelve, I think, my parents did separate. That was one of the, um, most peaceful times in my life. It had been something that I had been waiting for my whole life and I felt like it was like, finally this is happening. Then I learned… It was always something that I had been asking for my whole life and expecting it my whole life and wanting it and hating them both and then struggling to forgive them and then when that finally happened I was able to forgive them and to find peace with it all. Now, like, learning more bits and pieces and just growing up more and learning some of the struggles that actually affect adults. Like being in university has actually helped me to see what adults have to go through. It’s helped me to understand and realize the amazing person that she is and now I know I want to be like my mom.”

Anonymous, interviewed by Rechelle-Lee Smith

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So I’m not afraid of the typical things like spiders or the dark, my fears run a little deeper.

Like I’m afraid to fail. I’ve always had a fear of failing, I’ve always put an expectation on myself higher than normal and I’m sure that’s normal for everyone, everyone has an expectation of themselves. They want to succeed and stuff… but a little more than that. I’m afraid to be alone. Like I know I’ll never be alone, I have family I have friends but in a sense sometimes I just feel so alone. I’ve never had like a romantic partner or anything so I don’t know what that’s like so sometimes the fear creeps up that I’ll never have that kind of thing. Then thoughts come up, well if I were to would I mess it up would I just be bad at it like would they be with me because they feel obligated to or because they want to? Do they pity me do they love me? It’s a really hard thing and then it goes even deeper than that. I fear about my future like I fear about the job I’m going to get are there going to be any jobs. Some people fear about having a family and that’s really where my deep fears lie. I know my family history I know medical history behind it so I know the risks of having a family. So I’m afraid to take that chance but I don’t want to feel the disappointment… If that happens but I still want to do it but again I don’t want to do it with the wrong person.

Do you think you’ve let those fears hinder you?

Um… I’ve think I have been like feeling alone rather than helping become more extroverted and putting myself out there I’ve closed myself off so it didn’t help it just kept me closed off and it kept me from trying to make more relations with people and from trying to reach out.

Kessiah MacKenzie, interviewed by Samuelle Henry

This is really hard; I don’t know if I can do this…

What do you think is it to brave?

I think it’s brave to be honest…

What would honesty be like in your opinion?

Just, really saying what you feel and what is true to you. I’ve definitely struggled with being honest, because I am always focused on what I think and say. What I do and how it will come across to people… How it will alter what they think about me. I worry a lot about that.

So, would you say for your voice to heard is to not worry about people think?

Yes. What would that be like, to just speak up and not worry about what people think? What are you learning about yourself that you are able to do that?

This is really hard; I don’t know how to answer this… I think that it would liberating. I would feel like a whole new person.

I think I am often… misunderstood by people because I don’t show what I am feeling. I feel like I am not seen, or that I am not seen as a person of substance.

How do you want people to view you as?

How do I want them to view me? …I want them to view me as confident, intelligent, true-blue, and down to earth and like a revolutionist (laughs) To see that I don’t always think like the crowd. That I have a lot to say. That even when I don’t express myself in words I act according to what I think is right.

Do you think that you made some steps to do that?

I think. This summer has been a milestone for me… I had a job where my boss was um, she drank a lot, and she was pretty nasty at times to work with. Very harsh to the other workers.

She would scream at them in front of our customers and she even told one employee how stupid she thought she was; she did not use pretty words. There were times when I would just keep quiet. I finally realized that I had to step up and tell her that these things bothered me. I didn’t know how she would take it. Because I’ve seen other employees try in the past and she just mocked them. I thought that for sure she would do that to me, because I am so easy to walk over and so “tender hearted”. Surprisingly, she actually listened and she changed how she was… How she was dealing with other employees.

How did you feel about being able to say what you felt? To voice your opinion?

Yeah, well during, it was so scary. But after when it turned out that it was OK, it was like nothing had happened. It felt natural. It was a revelation for me and I realized that this is what people do, they talk about their issues and resolve them! I just thought that I had to be stuck dealing with these problems; that I always had to be a martyr. But I don’t.

What is the next step for you to overcome your fear?

Lately I’ve been noticing that I have these little impulses. For example, when I am with friends that I know really well. If I have a funny thought or a strange expression I just let it out, and then I wait. I am like, “Oh no how are they going to react!?” And then usually they are surprised and they even laugh. So far there is nothing negative. So I think, going with my impulses and my stream of consciousness is a good way to start. Also, like on social media, I really never comment on anything but lately I’ve been congratulating people and sharing things. I think this is, in another way, a small step. I keep getting responses that I commented on and things I share. I think my next big step would be um, instead of just sharing all the positive things I see I could start voicing my opinion about things that bother me.

If you were there on that final step what would you feel?

I think I would feel very satisfied and whole. I often feel sick because I’m so afraid to use my voice. My chest is heavy and my stomach tightens and I cry because I am so afraid. It would be amazing to be free of that.

Anonymous, interviewed by Liliet Ramirez

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it was scary so I decided I was going to do something that I would have never ever done and for me that would be joining Pathfinders. I know it’s random… I’m very Adventist I guess *laughs*… but yea I realized that in life, for me personally, because I was afraid…it had to do with failure, fear has to do with failure, because people are so afraid of failing and how can they overcome failure? So for me, because I was afraid of so many things I had to tell myself, even if you’re afraid you’re going to do it. I think that’s a reason I moved here… because I could have gone to a school in Texas and… I don’t know there was a part of me that was scared to come here because it was a What is your biggest fear?

I am afraid of heights.

But you rock climb don’t you?

Yeah… (laughs) yeah I do rock climb, that’s the reason why I do rock climbing, okay so I’m afraid of heights, and my fear is that I’m going to fall and break my legs and…

Only your legs?

Well I don’t want to die, so in my mind I just have this thought that I’m only going to break my legs. *laughs* The reason I rock climb is basically because I’m afraid. My parents… I used to be afraid of a lot of things when I was younger and you know when you’re afraid of a lot of things you don’t try anything new because you’re scared. So for a couple of years when I was younger I was a scardy cat.

For everything, I thought in my head, I’m going to die, this is going to go bad, people are going to judge me, or people are going to look at me and I realized that because I was afraid I never did anything new. I was always sitting down watching people and I decided that’s not what I want to do anymore. I wanted to be brave but

new place… but my point is… in my life I don’t want to be sitting down anymore. I want to do what I want and so I rock climb. Mind you that my heart is racing, my hands are sweaty as I hold the rocks and…I’m always scared when it’s time for me to come down because I’ve touched the top but I do it because it’s reminder that in life, in my life at least, I’m always going to be afraid of new things… always, I’ve never overcome my fear… but what I’ve learned to do is to be afraid and to still do it. So for me… my biggest fear is fear…of everything, but I’ve learned to say, okay, it’s okay to be afraid. What’s not okay is to sit down and waste your life just watching. So for me what I’ve learned about my fear is that I choose to fail rather than just regret things… so yes I rock climb, sweating and scared I scream and I curse saying I don’t want to die but I do it because I’m scared and it reminds me that, Lily, you can do it even if you’re scared.

So in a sense I think you have conquered your fear of fear, mentally you have…

Mentally I have…but physically I will always be scared.

Liliet Ramirez, interviewed

by Elsy Cornejo

2 6 Just tell me about you guys!

Luke: Well we met in Barcelona I guess. (chuckles) When?

Nora: June? Mid-June?

Luke: It was July! (laughs together) Nora: I’m so bad at these things!

Luke: No, it was totally a trip, cause me and my buddy went up there for a skateboard trip and we just fell in love with Barcelona. Kept extending our stay, extending our stay, and about a week and a half after we’d already been there she showed up one day and…

Nora: Just out of the blue, I had just finished university and like I was about to graduate but before graduating I wanted to take a spontaneous trip so I was like I’ll go to Barcelona. I don’t know how; I don’t know why I chose Barcelona I guess it’s just like how things are. Things are meant to happen the way they are.

Like it was just really cool! I went to Barcelona and we were in the same hostel and, yea, he was wearing his pug life t-shirt and I was like that is so cute!

Luke: Yeah I remember one of my friends was talking to her when she was first checking it. We were leaving and he was like, bye Nora, and that’s my niece’s name and it was weird.

I’ve never really met many Nora’s in my life so it caught my attention. I was just sitting there on the terrace doodling one day and I was wearing this shirt and she told me I had a cute shirt.

And then I kinda started talking to other people and stuff and she was really sweet.

Nora: And then we ate watermelon! (both laugh sweetly) And I really enjoyed the watermelon and we just started talking about random things and there was this one evening we went up… there was like this war tank bunker up on the hill in Barcelona and there was like an organized trip with the hostel there and I was really hoping he was coming on the trip. And I was just standing there on the terrace being like okay let’s go, are you coming as well and he was like, yeah, and then all the way up we just talked continually. And he just opened up to me so much and I loved that. (both laugh sweetly again) Luke: So then after that there was a skateboard trip so we were skateboarding every night and she was wanting to come out.

One night she told me, like, you can teach me how to skateboard but she can skateboard already so… (laughs) Nora: I can’t! I can’t! I embarrass myself. I didn’t even have shoes to skateboard in so I just skateboarded barefoot and I was like… but I didn’t fall off so it was okay. Not that time.

Luke: She kills it! She kills it! Like, um, we went out that night and ran away together for a minute. Ran up buildings and stuff like that. Climbed up scaffolding.

Nora: Trespassing.

Luke: Basically having a good night. It was just beautiful to actually have someone to like be able to focus on kind of deal.

Focus the attention too, ‘cause, I don’t know, it’s a nice time and then we just got to get to know each other more and more and more. Every night we would run away together. End up in mountains and stuff like that.

Nora: One night we stayed out until two… three o’clock just walking around the whole city and we just saw the whole city by night and it was so beautiful I wasn’t even aware of the time passing. It was just making good conversation and seeing the sites at night. It’s so different the city at night like compared to what it is in the day time it’s just completely different completely deserted and it was beautiful.

Luke: So when we came back that one night too, it’s very interesting because people from our room were partying a little bit.

It was kind of a party hostel and, um, it’s nice to be able to focus the time. But when we came back one night this guy was just straight wacked, tuned out, like totally and like the retrospect is, like, I could be in that position. Cause like that’s kinda the way I go but I feel like she just came at a perfect time cause those guys were staying in my hostel or in my room in the hostel and it was nice I feel like it all happens for a reason. Rather than being in that guy’s shoes I was able to be there to help them and like sit up with him and talk with him for like a few hours ‘cause like it was sketchy. It was, it was a sketchy situation.

Nora: (laughs) I kept you sane, mostly.

Luke: Exactly, exactly, mostly!

Nora: Yeah, and then he went home he went back to, where’d you go? Vancouver?

Luke: Vancouver.

Nora: Yeah and I went back to England and I was like I don’t want this to be it. I just kept messaging him, just trying to find a way.

Luke: I feel like we have to tell them the whole story… (laughs) Nora: Huh? Luke: We have to tell them the whole thing!

Both: Nah, nah, nah.

Nora: Yeah go on, go on!

Luke: Aight, well she had a boyfriend so like we were sitting on our hands a lot. And like I really respected her, I still respect her a lot for how everything worked out; we never did anything.

One point in time we kissed and then she was like just adorable.

Nora: No I just felt so guilty, I was like okay, I was just trying to run away from my feelings a lot and then there came a point where I was so overwhelmed. And I was like no, I have to face the truth and everything so yeaaah.

Luke: I’m sorry (laughs) Nora: No it’s fine, it’s fine, it was such a hard spot.

Luke & Nora, interviewed by Samuelle Henry

2 8

What is your greatest struggle right now?

Probably with school it’s balancing. I’m an RA this year which is something that can be really good but it can also be really stressful. Even yesterday one of the girls had an asthma attack – right during check – and I was in the lobby and we had to go see if she was okay. I didn’t freeze, but I didn’t really know what I was supposed to do. Dean Brent was there thankfully to take control. So that was really scary. I took a job at the front desk and I tutor as well. I feel like I’m trying to see how much I can do at university and still get good grades. So there’s my biggest struggle because it’s really stressful and I’m trying to get good grades but some of my classes are very difficult. I’m just trying to go through university doing the most I can do and the best I can do. I’m not really in clubs or sports so I’m trying to do other stuff that will occupy my time.

You know, where I feel like I’m contributing or I’m doing something.

And does all of that get overwhelming sometimes?

Yeah. I’m stressed almost 24/7. I’m so tired all the time so I feel like that’s another really big struggle. I keep falling asleep in all of my classes and I never used to do that, but it just seems like I physically can’t keep my eyes open in certain classes. And I don’t even know why! It’s never happened before but I’m so tired and the sleep is so bad.

And balancing everything is getting like…

It’s getting hectic.

Yeah!

I understand. Are there any coping mechanisms or anything like that that you have?

I really like to talk to my parents. They’re super supportive all the time. My dad went to university and my mom didn’t. She took a couple university courses, but she’s still so supportive. She knows it was really hard for her…so she’s super proud of me and it makes me feel really good.

Yeah, I love talking to them. They’re always making sure that I’m having a good day and they’ll text me and be like “I love you, have a good day” and it’s super supportive and helpful.

That’s awesome! So you’re close with your family?

Yes! Yeah!

Can I ask another question?

Yeah, of course!

What was your saddest moment… like a big sad moment that really sticks in your mind?

Well I’m really close to my family and my grandpa had Parkinson’s for a really long time, but it was just physically affecting him. He’s kind of got Parkinson’s dementia, so he can remember me which is really good, but he still has a lot of mental problems and it’s really hard to see him. It was all in like a week. I remember I facetimed my grandma and we were talking and a week later he was in the hospital because he was having breakdowns. Now he’s in a home and sometimes they mistreat him…and it just ticks me off because I’m not there so I can’t see him all the time and my family thinks he’s going to pass soon.

So that’s probably the saddest moment…

Are you afraid that he’s not going to remember you? Is that one of your fears?

I think so, yeah. I think that would be so rough. I was at school when he went into the home and my mom told me it was really bad and I talked to my grandma and she cried. It was so hard. My great grandma had dementia and she couldn’t remember anyone and we were at the funeral and there were all these family members I didn’t even recognize and my grandma told me that none of them came to visit her. And I was thinking, that is so rough, but if that happened…I don’t think I could visit him because it would just feel…really hard. It would be tough to go see him and have him not remember me so I feel I can relate to those family members on my grandma’s side. I totally understand now, being in that situation, and I shouldn’t have judged them. I was like “oh how can you be so cruel, you don’t even want to see your mom” or something but now that happened and I don’t even know if I would go see him.

Madison, interviewed by Samuelle Henry

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What is your greatest struggle right now?

Uh, for me… it’s a variation, what’s like always kind of my struggle, it’s kind of a mish mash of confidence… uh, like belief in myself, prioritizing my goals like, actually achieving them, and, um, kinda trusting through that whole process. So there’s a couple of things and I guess I’ll share with you and leave you to decide how transparent you’re gonna be when you write this. (laughs) But for us it’s like, waiting in terms of like a baby and then weight. Those two things. And one is going to impact the other… Also, what is going to go through my mind as I create a happy environment for a baby. Like I’m not pregnant. I feel like I always need to lead with that! Hashtag not currently pregnant! But it’s all of that. So it’s like one variation of accepting myself, loving myself, accepting myself, and the way that God loves me, and leaning on his blessings, and what that’s going to look like. And for me right now it’s those two tangible things. But what’s interesting to me that I wouldn’t have known younger, like, I wouldn’t have known this when I was like, twenty-one, twenty-two. You can be happy… and still have struggles. Like your life can be full of blessings, your marriage can be well, your job can be satisfying, but the struggles are a part of the human condition. I think that, also struggling within like, for example my work, wanting to be better at it… Um, all of that can exist in one life.

If you were talking to another human being who was struggling with whatever is in your arena, what would you tell them?

I think I would say that, first of all, we have to be gracious with ourselves. Because, I think we misunderstand struggle with, like, we’re supposed to always be normal. I think people put this expectation on themselves when things are, like, hard, to like keep doing everything like you’ve always done it. But I just don’t see how that’s possible… I don’t, like, there’s no more of you to magically be sad or worried about something, or process something, which are all healthy things. And then also, like, oh! I’m still going to school, still finishing all my assignments, still eating perfectly well and taking good care of myself, like it’s just not possible. I think we need to be gracious with ourselves. This is the best that I can do today. And tomorrow?

We’ll see how it goes and I’m going to do the best I can do with tomorrow. So being gracious with yourself is probably the first thing. Struggle will impact your life. You have to let it. When there are seasons to be sad, when there’s seasons to be vulnerable, sometimes you’re not ready… There’s nothing that stresses me out more than people demanding words from me that I simply don’t have. In both ways. Like, what are you going through right now? I don’t have the words for myself!

I don’t know what you would expect me to answer. Or when people going through a struggle come to me and expect words.

I’m like, I literally have nothing to say. Not because it doesn’t matter, but because I don’t want to give you platitudes. I don’t want to give you a Band-Aid answer. All that I have for your struggle right now is to sit with it… with you and to sit in it with you. And forcing words before they’ve matured, I think, forces us to push through the struggle faster than we need to.

That’s not fair. So be gentle for yourself, be gentle with yourself, don’t rush yourself through it, but always know that this… this will not be forever. There is something to look forward to, to learn from this, there is something that will come from all of this. Hopefully… And often we get to decide whether it will be for better or for worse.

Pastor Massiel, interviewed by Rechelle-Lee Smith

t h e r e a r e t wo gr e at d ay s i n a p e r s o n ’s l i f e — t h e d ay w e a r e b o r n a n d t h e d ay w e d i s c ov e r w h y.

- WILLIAM BARCLAY

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Oh... I think my greatest fear is... if something... happens to my children. You know if something happens to... you know they get into trouble or they... something bad happens to my children, I think is... my greatest fear. Why? Because I love them and I don't want anything bad to happen to them but... I know it's... I remember when my daughter was first born I'd wake up in the middle of the night to... see if she was still breathing and... I think parents... as a parent you know you love your kids and don't want anything bad to happen to them... yeah I think that would be my greatest fear.

Who was the most influential person in your life?

Oh that's probably a... difficult one to answer. Probably Dr. Ottely Stafford... my major professor at Atlantic Union College. I arrived at... Atlantic Union College in the middle of the semester in January from South Africa, uh, not knowing what I wanted to really major in. Not being confident enough to know what I could major in and... since I liked reading I suddenly decided that I was going to be an English major, much to the astonishment of my friends because I'd spent most of my high school career in the chemistry lab playing with chemicals... so yeah she was... I was quite intimidated by her but she became a good mentor in teaching me not only about literature and not only how to teach but... just a role model in shaping my profession I guess.

Dr. McDowell, interviewed by Jasmine Pickett

What is your greatest struggle right now?

My greatest struggle is the delicate balancing act of schoolwork and extracurricular activities. Both are part of the university experience, and it is not easy to find the right blend. As part of the school experience, I need to fulfill my assignments, submit them to d2l on time, and study for tests and quizzes on a weekly basis, according to the assigned time.

That’s obvious, but it isn’t how I normally did things outside of school.

I prefer to keep things flexible. The other hand of the school experience is the part that I enjoy more: Adventist spiritual activities, athletics, and social engagements: when everything is presented together, I have to make a choice: do what I enjoy or do what is required? In extracurricular activities, I like to get to know people, and through this get to know myself, and successfully operate with those around me. However, without the title of “student”, the extracurricular activities are impossible, so I know the extracurricular activities aren’t as important, even though I want them to be.

Your background is in social work, and your current direction of study is towards pastoral ministry, another social field. It seems like being social is not only part of who you are, but also part of your career goal. Perhaps you need the social aspect, and academics are taking away from it?

Yes, in a sense. However, being a student is about academic-based theory learned in a classroom. At the end of the day, extracurricular activities are unlikely to be noted, and you don’t get any credit for being social.

Like it or not, we all know it is true: students are here for the things that are tracked on their records. It isn’t about learning about yourself, but rather about learning from teachers, books, and similar sources. For example, in theology class I learn special things that I would not learn just from talking to people on campus, and religious work is not just social work. Socially, I might be working with materials around me yet missing out on key lessons put in place though guides that went through the academic paths. It is a Martha or Mary kind of thing.

How do you deal with this struggle?

To help me force myself to attend classes and write assignments, I have an agenda full of reminders. I am a visual learner: I have a sign on my wall that says STUDENT – LEARNER – DISCIPLE. Sometimes, to drown out the natural inclination towards excess socialization, I close the door for alone study time. To keep me on schedule without going insane, I schedule specific “social times” and periodic walks away from studies with something I enjoy.

Readers: remember your priorities and why you are here. Some things can be done in some other place and some other time, so focus on the things you can only do here.

Melvin Bartley: The Balancing Act, interviewed

by Elijah (Ilia) Vladimirovich Tchaplinski

3 4

“The high points in my job being in the music department are that I meet so many students every

year, it’s not like I’m teaching 25 or so, but I have a lot. So that’s been the high point for me, just getting to meet so many great people, and seeing their careers and where they go. And also

getting to teach music that is primarily sacred and spiritual and be able to witness so-to-speak to others through my music and making it, not only me making it though. If I were a piano teacher

it would be ‘mi mi mi mi mi,’ but with the choir it’s always ‘us us us us us,’ and I like that aspect too, making music together. Some of the negative aspects? I have taught now 40 years here, and there have only been 2 years where I have had a proper teacher’s load. The other 38 years I have been on overload. I guess it’s my own fault that at times I just want to help people with their mu-

sic and voices and help them to be able to be better. If a student wants to be in choir then I give them voice lessons so they can make it into choir. I guess sometimes I’ve just been over-worked, the workload is very heavy. I don’t really feel like there are any hard aspects about my job, it’s just very time consuming. I love my job; it doesn't feel like work because I enjoy it so much. And that’s mainly because of the kids and the music.”

Dr. Monroe, interviewed by Kira Bruggemann

What Is Your Greatest Struggle Right Now? Okay this is going to sound super cheesy but leaving my sister. She’s like my best friend and like I don’t know, leaving her and not seeing her every day is weird.

I think I’m going through withdrawal. I don’t know. Whenever I had a problem I would go to her and she would either tell me, Naomi you’re dumb you need to do this, or like she would help me figure it out. So, I don’t know it’s like weird. I FaceTime her… once in a while. I see her every couple of weeks cause I go down to work so I still see her. I went through a phase in like junior high where I wasn’t confident and I was just like I couldn’t stand up for myself and whatever. Then one day my sister kind of told me Naomi you’re dumb. You need to get your life and you need to grow up because you’re older than me and I’m supposed to look up to you. And then like I don’t know she kinda like, not taught me but like kind of knocked me in the head and kind of showed me like yeah.

Naomi I., interviewed by Kailey Smith

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My biggest fear is rejection. Do you want me to be specific? I’m just scared of being rejected in the sense where the people I love around me leave me. I’m scared of not making my parents proud, in a way that’s a type of rejection to me, I’m scared of not meeting my expectations. A lot of times were told that God takes control of our lives and a lot of times I’m scared of letting him do that and I’m scared that if I don’t allow him to do that he’ll reject me. And part of that has to do with my career and just my life, who I end up with in my life. My friends, my spouse, and just my family. I’m just scared of rejection in general.

Have you ever been rejected before?

Um, yes, I have been rejected in the past thorough friendships, um, I guess I’ve been rejected academically. I grew up in an African household so academics have always been a huge thing for us and, uh, or at least for me. My parents never directly told me how to do school but they always wanted me to do good in school and I always felt academic pressure in that sense. I’ve always struggled in a sense about… how to juggle school friendships spirituality and put on a pretty face cause that was something I was always expected to do growing up so those are just a few examples of how I felt rejected in my life.

Do you think that this fear can or will hinder you from being the best you can be?

I’ve come to understand that rejection and anything that is a fear always changes when my perspective changes. Yes, rejection is still a fear and yes, it’ll continue to still be a fear but I learned to look at it from a different perspective. Instead I’ve looked at it like, yes, those are fears but they are fears I can give to God. He promises to take care of those things and I think the hardest part is just accepting that he will and not controlling the things that I can’t so I do think my rejections will be part of my life in the future to come but I do think that I serve a god who has taken care of all those things.

What are you struggling with right now?

I think its thinking that I’m good enough. I feel like I constantly wake up in the morning and have to remind myself that I’m good enough. I want to wake up one morning and not have to even question myself about being good enough, just to know that I am good enough and not because someone told me that I was good enough, not because I read it in some quote that told me I should think I’m good enough but just for me to just accept that I am good enough because of who I am and just thinking that I’m enough, you know what I mean? That’s something that I’m struggling with constantly. Something that in a way I don’t know how to wrap my mind around it and I don’t know that anyone around me knows how to wrap their minds around that too, you know, because that’s me and they can’t wrap their minds around who I am. But I think that I struggle with finding myself good enough. Yea, just finding myself good enough and not good enough in other people’s eyes, but in my own. And not good enough in the sense of beauty but that something that people constantly struggle with. Not good enough in academics or not spiritually good enough and that’s important too. Sometimes I feel like I need to make myself right spiritually before I find anything good in my life. And yes scripture is a way to find worth but it isn’t my worth. If that makes any sense, I strongly believe that yes my worth is found in God but I also need to come to terms with finding my worth in myself and not through others and the things that society tells you that your worth is supposed to come from.

Ornela Fankem, interviewed by Samuelle Henry

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“I have a lot of fears. So the biggest one is really difficult to come to. I have PTSD, so what happens is sometimes I think something is happening but it's not actually happening. Like I will most definitely just lose my mind over something that's not a real thing. And I'll know it's not a real thing but I'll still be scared of the thing anyways… Does that make sense? So yeah, I have a lot of fears. The biggest one would probably have to be not reaching my full potential. Maybe I'm too confident, I don’t know. But I feel like I have a lot to offer a lot of people. I feel like I have an incredibly big heart and I love humans, I love hearing about their stories, I love listening to people. But humans tend to just… hurt people. So maybe my bigger fear is just humanity itself. And because of my big heart it's gotten me into so much trouble, like I've poured my soul out on the table for whoever and they've just been like, oh okay that's cute, and then just gone about their merry business. Humans are just capable of so much, just look at the planet itself. Just looking into other people’s eyes and seeing that they’re in pain because somebody did something to somebody else. Nobody ever just wakes up and decides they're going to hurt a bunch of people, something happened to that person to make them hurt and it kinda just blew up and they hurt other people in the process. Like for me, one of my triggers is actually the lobby. I actually can't be in the lobby without my headphones in. I have to keep my head straight; I have to have an idea of where I'm going.

Sometimes people try to talk to me and literally for my sanity’s sake I just can’t.

If I haven't planned on talking to someone, and they try to talk to me on the way to wherever I'm going, I just don't. Like humans actually scare me! They're really scary because they're capable of so much and especially in large groups. I don’t know what it is about large groups but people can just hide in large groups. They just do a lot more hurting others and creating havoc. A lot of craziness happens in large groups and the lobby happens to be a really large group. I'm not trying to hate on any freshmen but freshmen tend to have this group mentality, you know? Like you just get here and you're trying to find all your friends and all that wonderful stuff. And the lobby is just always full of freshmen who are trying to figure out their lives. When you're trying to figure out who you are and what your life is doing you don't always recognize who you hurt. I don’t know, that's what's always running through my head and I get kinda paranoid so when I walk through the lobby I just b-line. I literally just leave simply because humans are scary. So I guess my biggest fear would be humans.”

Rechelle - Lee Smith, interviewed by Kira Bruggemann

“I think you have to begin with an understanding of who you are— that’s the first thing, and it’s a good exercise if you start with that question. Because if you know who you are, such a life is worth living. If you know, and if you take time to define who you are as a person, that way, you also, in the process, respect everybody else.

Because everyone is unique, and if they know who they are in that sense, then you begin to appreciate the individuality in every other person. I would define myself in terms of my creativity, that would be the first thing that comes to my mind. That I have a creative side of myself that defines me the best. Art is one expression of that—one side of that. The other is thought. So, you will hear the same thought by other authors—other teachers, but I would like to present the same thought in a very creative manner. So, it involves me as a person in that definition; in that thought process that, “Samraj said that,” that kind of thing, you see? So, that’s another aspect of it— saying the same thing, but in such a way, that you are identifying with what’s being said. I began this way because somebody asked me to teach, I never asked to be a teacher, I was requested to be a teacher. I never asked to be a teacher, but someone told me I should teach. And then the creativity in me became evident in my teaching style, so what is interesting is because I am so distinct in that part of my life in the classroom, 90 percent

like that creative approach in class, but the other 10 percent is so different, you see? They don’t like that and they have a hard time understanding why I am so creative in teaching some simple things where I can simply just state and go. So, that’s interesting that creativity can… it comes out in everything that you do. Even if it’s the mundane thing, I have to do something to give it that little difference. I think that, you know that famous saying, “we are all born an original, but we end up as a copy”? Why should you imitate anybody else in life? You are made with something distinct about you then I think that we should cherish that uniqueness in each other. It could be how you present yourself, how you look, you have nothing to worry about because that’s who you are, you see?

Including intelligence, you know? Intelligence… God gives intelligence in different ways to each of us. For instance, there are certain things you can do, that nobody else can do. So put emphasis on what you can do, rather than what you cannot do. If somebody else does something and you say, “I can’t be like him!”; why are you worried about being like him? There are certain things you can do that he cannot do, so I think we should find our own, what’s that word? Niche? And do well at that. You will be very happy if you do your best, you know? It might not be the best, but if you do your very best, it is good enough.”

Dr. Samraj, interviewed by Nakeda McDonald

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