10 minute read
As God vir Jou Is
AS
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VIR JOU IS...
Geskryf deur Claudene Sebolai Keshia Adams van Worcester deel haar storie van oorwinning oor dwelm verslaafdheid met ons.
“Want Ék weet watter gedagtes Ek aangaande julle koester, spreek die HERE, gedagtes van vrede en nie van onheil nie, om julle ‘n hoopvolle toekoms te gee.” Jeremia 29:11
TOE ALS BEGIN SKEEFLOOP
Ek kom uit n goeie ouer huis al was my pa n afwesige pa, my ma het haar rol as beide ouers baie goed behartig. My ma het in daardie dae n bofriend gehad, en my soms met hom alleen by die huis gelos as sy erens moes gaan. Die boyfriend het dan van die geleentheid gebruik gemaak om vir my sexueel te molesteer. Ek onthou hoe ek as kind gebid het dat die Here nie moet toelaat dat die man my so seer moet maak nie. Die molestasie het aangehou en ek het toe my vertroue in my ma en die Here verloor.
Op 13 jarige ouderdom was ek verkrag deur n vriend wat baie ouer as ek was. My pleidooi om te stop het op dowe ore geval; hy wou my wys wat ware liefde was. Ek kon myself nie sover bring om my ma te vertel nie en moes self verwerk wat gebeur het. Ek het toe alreeds van 14jaar oud af begin eksperimenteer met ‘ecstacy’ en dagga. In graad 12 raak ek swanger, en op 5 maande verloor ek my seun. Dit was vir my die mees traumatiese ervaring. Ek het besluit om my matriek jaar te voltooi en het baie goed geslaag, ongeag als wat ek deur gemaak het.
KRAG IN GEBED
Die donkerste tyd van my lewe was toe ek ingestem het om tik te probeer. Die persoon wat my bekend gestel het daaraan het my belowe dat my lewe nooit weer dieselfde sou wees nie. Wraggies, my lewe was n letterlike hel na dit. Ongeag hoe ek probeer het om iets te maak van my lewe, dit het afwaards gedraai. Ek het rehabilitasie op rehabilitasie probeer, selfs al weg gehardloop van n huis van veiligheid. Behalwe dat die dwelms n pyn stiller was, het ek iets gesoek wat niemand en niks my kon aanbied nie. My siel was geknak, ek was stukkend; ek het my ma verwyt en gehaat vir als wat met my gebeur het. Deur my rebelsheid wou ek he sy moes als voel wat ek voel, ek het haar pyn veroorsaak omdat ek self nie die pyn kon hanteer waarmee ek moes saam leef nie. Todat ek haar eendag hoor bid het; “Here, hoe lank
nog?” Ek het toe besef dat ek drastiese veranderinge sal moet maak met my lewe.
N UITVERKORE SIEL
Op 24 Junie 2014, terwyl ek 3 maande swanger was, hoor ek vanuit my kamer hoe die Woord van die Here gepreek word. En die prediker se hierdie woorde “Jongdogter, jy wat nou na hierdie preek luister, vandag gaan jou verlossing gekom!” Ek het daar en dan n ontmoeting met die Here gehad wat my lewe radikaal verander het. As ek nou trug kyk dan kan ek sien hoe die Here my altyd bewaar het, en dat Hy weet watter planne Hy koester aangaande my lewe. Ek werk tans by n rehabilitasie sentrum genoem Toevlug en is ook betrokke met n uitruikings program Road to Recovery. Ek help ook graag uit by die trauma eenheid van die polisie stasie. Ek mag miskien nog nie is waar ek wil wees nie, maar ek dank God dat ek nie meer is waar ek was nie.
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BEAUTY IN THE BLEND: Better Together
Blended families are not for the faint-hearted, it presents each couple with unique challenges. Sherna Abrahams shares her amazing journey of beauty in the blend.
We each had a child from our previous relationship. We got married to a 3 and 4-year-old. Our kids got along fine, in fact, they were like twins. We always celebrated their birthdays together, presented them with their gifts together (which were always the same or similar). We had amazing family holidays together and the “siblings” would have the normal sibling rivalry with their little brother who was born in the second year of our marriage. Our family unit started getting a flow only in the 7th year of our marriage. By then we had gotten over most of our initial struggles. We made it to the point where we stopped having fights or disagreements in front of the kids. This was one of the biggest achievements in our aim to become one. The kids were growing up and becoming teenagers. At this stage, the kids were facing the normal
stages of transition to teens. The challenges were different. I had to know my place with our daughter as I understood that her mom played a big role in her life. I made sure I did not overstep boundaries in this area. We had some light girl talk but nothing too deep. I think by doing this it assured her that I never wanted to take her mom’s place. Our son on the other hand felt more comfortable with my husband and could easily talk to him about boy things. They had a very good father-son bond and we were pleased that we had achieved this. Our struggle at this time was with our son’s dad who still caused some issues between our son and us from time to time. We maintained our stance on not badmouthing the other parents. This is one of the most important things to remember as a step-parent or in a blended family. The kids are now 19, 18, and 12 and we can honestly say that we have achieved success as a blended family. A while ago I asked our son if he ever felt that any of my husband’s actions ever made him feel like a stepchild and he said no. Our daughter wished me for my birthday last year and she said to me she can never say I loved her less. This was rewarding. My advice to blended families is to always respect the other parent despite the difficulty, challenges, and differences in parenting styles. Always have a listening ear for the children. Understand that each child is different and needs to be understood at their levels individually. Always be open to your husband or wife when they have concerns or trouble in the area of step-parenting. Being a blended family can be extremely rewarding when we understand that the challenges can
be overcome. It may take a few years to find your rhythm and special flow as a blended family but it is very possible to do so by the grace of God. We would not have made it this far had we not been able to pray and trust God on this journey. We are blessed to be able to say we are still standing.
PURPOSEFULLY SINGLE: UNTIL I’M READY TO COMMINGLE
By: Anneen Jansen
When I was a child I thought that this is how life works: you grow up and meet Mr right, fall in love, get married, and have children. “Are you still single?” or “Why are you not in a relationship?” Who will deliver me from these constant interrogating questions? To be honest, I kinda feel content with being single. However, sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me especially when I indulge in society’s views that I need to be married at a certain age. I grew up without a father so certain values about fatherhood have not been imprinted in my life and because of that I had a lot of voids that I needed to deal with. Even though I have had boyfriends I still felt single in the relationships. I would look at people getting married and think they are more blessed than I am. They say there is always that one that has more similarities or trademarks to a certain parent than the others. The fact that my mother never got married made me feel and think that I might just travel the same road as her.
WHERE IS MY ADAM OR BOAZ? I have given up on the idea of a man riding on a white horse to come and rescue me. Although I am not sure there is anything that I need saving from. Singleness ain’t a sickness that the man has the cure for. People have made jokes, saying that my Adam is still fast asleep and that I need to go wake him up.
FEELINGS OF LONELINESS Gen 2: 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” For us to be alone was never God’s intention. So I do believe that it’s not only certain people that have the right to be married and some to be unmarried. I think it’s a decision one makes: Do I want to be married or not? The choice is yours, you will eventually know when you are ready to embark on that endeavour. THE YEARNING TO BELONG TO SOMEONE Valentine’s day, birthdays, and holidays (especially Valentine’s and festive season) are the worst days in a single person’s life. These are the days that single people feel extra single! The way we were socialized made us believe that the only way we can find and experience love is through an earthly bond, meaning that only an individual can show and give us love. Yet God is love and He wants to tell and show us how much he loves us and that He will never leave nor forsake us.
DOES MY WORTH INCREASE WHEN IN A RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE? This had me in my feelings. I thought that my worth is measured by being in a relationship. I’ve had this fantasy in my head of being scooped off my feet, and have this wonderful relationship that we regularly see in the movies. Now I don’t feel the urge of being scooped away by someone because I am learning how to love myself before I can love and be loved by anyone else. I’ve learned that being single is a blessing. I am completely open to the idea of finding the “love of my life”, the man who calls me “bae”, getting married and going on “bae-cations” etc. It’s easy to grow weary in the wait and start thinking that God has forgotten about your heart’s desire. However, I’m patient and pursuing my purpose and growing in my faith.
