Stupid Mistakes by Shane Hodge

A R

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Headlines Headlines read all about it, Sporting Superstar gets drunk and makes a fool of himself, Sporting Star has affair wife tells all, International diplomat beds chamber maid, World Famous Business man rocked by bribe scandal ahhh love these headlines don’t we? But what happens to the people in the headlines? What happens to those that make the “Stupid” mistake? Usually its a disaster and careers are often ended, relationships destroyed and each time they try to make a Comeback to rebuild it seems the Editors of the Magazines and Papers that assisted in the destruction dust off the old articles and remind the world what a low life cretin you were back in the day. Stupid mistakes happen to us all, its part of living but it doesn’t have to be part of dying! Frank Sinatra sang it well, “Regrets I’ve had few but then again to few to mention” If we went through our lives without making some mistakes (mistakes=Low Level) we really would not have a life at all worth mentioning. Its not just the stupid mistakes (Stupid Mistakes = High Level)that cause the problem its the ball and chain that comes with some of them that does. The superstars that make mistakes are bathed in the Press world as they are public and I as I wrote in the first paragraph us humans love to read about that kind of stuff and as for the tabloids? Wow they sell more papers and magazines because of it. The Comeback Book is not about superstars and who they bed, who they rip off, what drugs they are taking no it’s not about those stupid mistakes as for some reason the superstars are only as bad as there last performance. As an example of that I could mention two stars that have made the dumb mistake ( Dumb Mistake=Reality TV Stars) of making soft porn movies and then in a short time with the PR machine behind them? Whoosh they were bigger and better than ever before. No The Comeback is not about them; The Comeback is all about you and me type stupid mistakes. You and Me? We don’t have the benefit of the PR machine, you and me when we make a stupid mistake we in most cases have to drag the ball and chain with us for a long time. When you and I make a stupid mistake our “Tabloid” are usually our friends, workmates and our family and quite often our conscious! 2|P age Copy write The Comeback www.thecomeback.com.au

Before I move on let me share with you an Important point to understand about a Ball and Chain created by stupid mistakes. The Original mistake is not the most serious of issues, we can get over stupid things pretty quickly even if they are a little damaging, so what is the real problem? It’s the links of chain we add to the Original Ball! We make a mistake, we don’t fix it, we add to it with another, another and sometimes an entire lifetime of links, and the more we add? The deeper the pain and the harder The Comeback Let me share with you something from a long time ago. The dust had not settled on the Marriage break up even though it had been a few months a lot of pain and suffering still surrounded me. I was lucky though I had “My Love” and we had managed after all this time to keep our relationship under wraps even though we faced each other at work each day. We would often chuckle about it at night as we sat on her veranda drinking a nice red, “If only they knew” When the marriage bust up happened this relationship was not the cause but it fitted into the reason. I did not have a true love for her in the early stage and I’m sure she was the same, I think it fell really nicely into we enjoyed each others Company and the lust took control of us. As time went on the relationship moved forward and love was a driver and I could honestly look her in the eyes and say I love you. I still felt that in the back of our minds this was not permanent we both had different agendas and career paths but for the moment it was very special between the two of us and you never know what the future might change. We managed the working week so well, we would go on appointments together, I would give her the hurry up on sales in General meetings, give the occasional blast behind closed doors and then once the weekend hit we would turn into Super Couple enjoying weekends away in between the rare occasions I got to see my kids. Our secret appeared to be standing up well until we had a National Conference and the whole sales and marketing team from across the country was sent to a resort for three days of training and relaxation. They refer to these retreats as “Team Builders” but in reality they were just glorified pissups and opportunities to see who could sleep with whom. We both agreed to play the game as we did not wish to give fellow team mates an inkling into what was a huge taboo in the work place. Its an unwritten law that The Boss and The Team Members should always have a degree of separation but in our case we had made the first of our stupid mistakes and our ball and chain was being created by the blacksmith! The first two days of the retreat went quite ok, yes I had to sit back and relax whilst a few individuals made a play at her during the first dinner, and it got a little tougher on the second day when the “Studs” knew they had to give it there best shot as only one night remained. I tried so hard to hide my protection and jealous face but on the last night I think I failed miserably.

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The night was a pretty heavy one as the drinking had started early afternoon so by the time we all got to the last stand BBQ any semblance of fear or inhibition had been pretty much stripped away and the studs were in fine form The music which was playing quietly in the background got a little louder as did the moves and as I was talking to a colleague at the bar one of the boys made a move on my girl that was going to way to far and no sooner could you say “Stupid”, I forgot that I was the boss and flew across the dance floor and challenged the lad. A few pushes and shoves, some people stepping in and all was settled, I made the excuse that he was from another state so I was defending my team I thought it worked but as I would soon learn I aroused the suspicion of several key players in my soon to be downfall and another link had just been added to my Chain. One of my team had always given the “ I know a secret ” look each time she watched the two of us together. She was a superstar at digging and finding out information that others would give up and scream impossible way before her, and after the retreat her attitude towards me had changed a lot. She would constantly question me on how the divorce was going, where did my wife move to, when was the last time I saw the kids. She would often say how tough it must be to be alone especially on weekends. She got that bad at one stage I yelled at her and told her to give it rest and focus on her own problems. She was a pain that I ignored during the day and at night over the glass of wine my love and I would sit back and talk about the “Super Sleuth” and complain then laugh at what a pain in the arse she was. We had just had a sensational weekend we had spent it up in the high country and it was glorious, the weather, the wine, it was so relaxing I must admit I was sad it was over but for the first time in a long time I was actually looking forward to going to work the next day. It felt like I had run the gauntlet the past month since the retreat and now my second wind had arrived and I was focussed and ready to make a huge leap forward and manage my team to some sensational sales figures. Monday arrived and I drove into the car park with a real hop in my step, it was a good day but that all changed really quickly the moment I walked out of the lift. In the movie Wall Street there is the scene where Charlie Sheen is walking into his office and as he walks past his work mates there smiles fall like a wave, there heads drop in manner that matches his footsteps, this continues until he gets to his office and he is greeted by the police waiting to arrest him for Securities Fraud. In my case there was no police or fraud but the dropping of heads and silence was well and truly there. When I gave people the normal chirpy hello the everyday “Hi Shane” reply was replaced by just a nod and a stair at the floor, I didn’t get to my office I was stopped half way by my boss and there was no hello it was just “You, Me, MY office”

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We walked into his office and I was greeted by a guest who introduced herself as the Director of Human resources, this did not look good as they only reason I knew of her being there was for cases of Sexual Misconduct or your about to be fired and my pants had never left my waist! My boss sat back in his chair and I could see the steam of excitement coming out of his ears, he and I did not like each other very much and now he had the attitude like a cat that had just discovered where the mouse lives. He started the conversation telling me there was no need to beat around the bush and he will just come straight out with it, “We did not condone your actions at the Conference and we have information you have been making sexual advances to members of our team” BOOM, the Earth opened and I wished I could jump into the cracks. He proceeded to roll off a number of vital statistics of my misdeeds that made me think that maybe someone very close had given the information direct, I looked outside his office for a moment and glanced at the “Super Sleuth” and noticed she had a mouse tail hanging from her mouth. When faced with this type of accusation (Setup) there is little hope of arguing my innocence and he was quite clear that yes I could put up a fight but he wanted me out of the Company that moment and all we need do is negotiate a settlement and that is why the HR lady was there. In no time at all we agreed on a figure, we agreed that these accusations would not appear on my record and without the normal going away party I was escorted to my office to be allowed to gather a few personal things and then I was shown off the premises, after a wonderful year my brilliant career was over and ended by a stupid mistake that was not even the truth. My love called me and we arranged to meet at our favourite bar when she had finished work and she would then explain everything that happened after I left. When she arrived she gave me the sordid details. My boss had called her in before I had arrived and told her what was happening and had hoped she was not a victim but if she was been a victim of a man he described as a “Liar, who had a history” of this type of thing, he was sorry but assured her that she was important to the team and he and all the others would support her. When she had finished her meeting with my boss and she returned to her desk she was confronted by the Super Sleuth who advised her in ”secrecy” that she had spoken to my ex-wife and been filled in on all the details of our sordid little affair but the secret was safe! The super sleuth told her that upon finding this information she vowed that she could not work with a man like me and since she now had an agenda, all she needed was a plot. She ‘Personally” recruited the poor defenceless women of the office for volunteers to get times, dates and places of supposed harassment indiscretions which in fact were all lies and a setup. With all this information she then went to a “Gleeful” boss to make a complaint and allow him to achieve his goal to get rid of me they succeeded, the coup de ta was successful my ankle was being measured for the Ball.

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She arrived at the bar and the conversation between the two of us was strange, my love was a little distant and told me we need to consider what had happened that day, we need to think about this. She needs to think of her future, as she had a Mortgage, a Car loan to consider, she really needed her job and she was sure the heat would be upon her for a little while so maybe its a good idea if we took a little care, maybe its a good idea we see each other a little less during the week, maybe we should just go out occasionally, just for now just until the heat wears off a little. Part of me was devastated, part of me could understand, I mean I had just lost my job and had no idea what I was going to do next. I felt a little betrayed, I felt a lack of support but what I felt most was how stupid I had been. We agreed and over the coming weeks we saw less of each other but in no way did we want to give up. When I left the job that day it was agreed that the allegation would not appear on my record, but never underestimate the power of a network and moreover never forget that good news travel fast but bad news travels faster. Even though it was not on paper it appeared that every application I made they had heard about the little spot of “Bother” I had at XYX Corporation and they would hope that if I was successful in joining there Company? I wouldn’t allow that stuff to happen with there staff. Application after application was unsuccessful and I was sure my Stupid Mistake was going to follow me for the future days of my life, but one day I fell upon an interview with a man who didn’t seem to care. His office smelt so bad of cigarettes and he had his own bar on a side table and when he asked me what happened at my last employer and I told him he just turned to me and said “You pissed somebody off huh” He was excited about my potential in his Company and proceeded to offer me the job, when he was escorting me to the lift he shook my hand winked and just told me to make sure that I didn’t make anymore “Stupid Mistakes” again. It was a great job but a lot of travel, mainly overseas and the trips just seemed to get longer and longer and my time with my love shorter and shorter, we tried to stay in touch and keep things moving in between trips but the conversation just seemed to get less and less. When I was home it was always a whirlwind of events, run here and there to visit family and friends, dinners here dinners there we had very little opportunity to spend quality “Love” time with each other. Far Too quickly another trip was on the cards and this time as she dropped me off at the airport she told me that we must sit down and talk as soon as I’m back from this trip. I told her it was only going to be a week and when I come back we can go way for the weekend and relax; she smiled and said of course we will. I jumped on the plane with a very uneasy feeling and the shortness of our phone calls during my time away secured that feeling even stronger, I was glad when the week was over so we could finally get away and fix these issues we were having, we could spend a weekend away that will get us back to the way we were I was sure of that, how stupid was I. 6|P age Copy write The Comeback www.thecomeback.com.au

My love picked me up at the Airport and as per normal after being in a foreign country for the past week speaking broken English I was like a crazy man with conversation, how’s this how’s that, what’s been happening here there, so where we can we go for the weekend? A quick glance at the rear view mirror and she just said “lest go home and talk first” I didn’t even get a chance to really put my bags down or grab a drink from the fridge, she just came out with it, “Shane this is not working”. Wow I thought direct but she had really rehearsed the next part of her speech as she proceeded to tell me that she did Love me but felt there was not future for us, I had my career and she had hers, we had grown so far apart with all this time I spent away. She knew that I would not be happy doing a normal job without the thrill of jetting here and there, she didn’t blame me for that, but for her its not enough, she needed much more, she felt it was impossible to continue a relationship that in reality had no happy ever after. I told her I understood and as it appeared she had made up her mind I would not fight and as long as we can at least be friends that would be something. When I said that she looked at me and tears started to fill her eyes, she then told me she didn’t think that was possible as she had one more thing to tell me, maybe its best if I sat down. Damm I didnt like the sound of that, It was quick and straight to the point. She told me she had fallen pregnant a month ago and after thinking and considering decided that our relationship was over and had no future so, this week she had an abortion! I am sorry it has to come out like this she said but I can’t think of any other way. I was speechless. Abortion? When I was younger it had no real meaning to me, but as a man that had four children that he had seen on Ultra sounds, Felt them kick inside Mummy’s tummy, witnessed there birth held them in his hand from the moment they had arrived on the planet, to this man at that time with that history of emotion, Abortion had meaning, it meant a Stupid Mistake, a Ball and Chain. I had no input in the decision, I had no comeback, I just had to take it, I know the arguments about “It’s my Body” I understood all that but I did not understand all the feelings and emotions I had just been accelerated into. I grabbed her and hugged her, I told her I loved her but I also told her I was devastated. She told me she was sorry it had to be this way but there is nothing more to discuss now its time for her to leave, and then she just walked away and I have no doubt that she dragged her own ball and chain and a few more links with her. When you read the subject of this article you may have been thinking it was going to be about the stupid mistakes like making a goose of yourself at a party or another embarrassing moment. It could be a word you spoke at the wrong moment it could be a myriad of stupid mistakes that we make in our lives over the years. 7|P age Copy write The Comeback www.thecomeback.com.au

But a ball and chain moment is far more severe than just a moment of embarrassment, a ball and chain moment of a stupid mistake can, if we allow it? End up a lifelong sentence, my story I just shared with you was one of those moments, but that was just the beginning I was soon to add many more links to this Chain. The shock of her announcement, the timing, the delivery the feeling I had at its coldness, the emotion of being a father and then knowing this tragic event had happened sent me into a time of real questions in my life. How could I let this happen? Where did I go wrong? Could I have tried harder? Was it me or was it the job? So many questions but one critical one moved to the front of my mind, “How to make sure this doesn’t happen again” I was only forty years old, still young and healthy a lifetime ahead of me but on that day I made the choice that this moment could never happen again. I wanted to make sure that to me ,what was such a selective process from a stupid mistake could never happen again, I never wanted to be faced with the terrible feeling I was going through. I made an appointment with my Doctor and even though he tried so hard to change my mind? Within a week the problem was gone, well that what’s I thought. A final solution was in place and I would never be faced with these feelings again. I felt by my choice the ball and Chain had been taken off me, but I was wrong as all I had done was added a few more links. The years went by, more miles travelled more friends and one more love.It was this love that made me realise that my ball and chain had not been broken, the new love discovered the links I had added this did not fit into her lifetime plan and without choice but with a broken heart she set our relationship free. The links I had added to my own ball and chain at the moment many years before for what I thought was my freedom? Would for years come back to haunt me as another stupid mistake. Have you had a Ball and Chain Moment? Think about this what if that moment was at a party, that moment of making a idiot of yourself was because you got so drunk you were falling all over the place. What if you then made a stupid mistake and you added another link got in your car and drove and lost your licence another link or worse still the link you would add if you cost someone there life? What if the word you spoke in anger was a stupid mistake that cost a lifelong friendship or worse ended in a fight that left someone injured or worse dead at your feet? What started as just a ball and chain became heavier with a few more links. What if the stupid mistake was an unwelcome flirtation that caused an attitude of distrust with a friend or worse the flirtation accelerated and resulted in going to place with no invitation and ended in the creation of one ball and chain for you and a lifetime of the same for another.

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Have you made a stupid mistake in a moment weakness of peer group pressure and stole some minor item from a store? What if it was out of control and the store owner was injured during a scuffle and you were now suffering the Ball and Chain of a Criminal record. What if the stupid mistake was a single kiss but then turned into the ball and chain of a shattered family and friends as the kiss became the Links of an affair. Stupid Mistakes have no age barrier, they are not the sole property of male or female, they have no cultural demographic and they don’t come at the right moment. Divorce Courts, Hospitals, Jails and Therapy Clinics are full of stupid mistake stories as are Funeral Homes. I was lucky I did not end up in the places I mentioned but The Stupid mistake of my life took me many years to get over, but the Links I added? Made it much worse. I have not heard or seen of my love since that tragic day, but the delivery of her words, the shock of the news remained with me as ball and chain for a very long time, am I over it? Yes, Can you get over it? I’m sure that’s what you want and need to know, can you forgive and moreover can you forget. For me? Forgiveness is in two forms, firstly forgiving “YOU” for being a victim or being responsible for locking the ball and chain. We can choose to never forgive but I guarantee you that you will carry that burden for the rest of your life no matter what you try. There has to come a point when you want a Comeback from whatever stupid mistake it is that you won’t forgive. I have watched impact statements in courts, homes even in hospitals where the people have said to those that locked the chain “I will never Forgive you for what you did to me” and what have they achieved by this? A lifetime of bitterness and anger, a lifetime of never allowing a potential beautiful moment to come into there lives to rewrite the stupid mistake that has caused so much pain. I have listened to people telling themselves over and over again they will never forgive themselves for a stupid mistake, what can be the result? They will lose there own lives, they will cause trauma to all those around them as they constantly remind themselves and others of the Mistake that they so regret, yelling out in moments of despair “Why did I do that” My advice, my belief and my experience tells me and has taught me that the cry should be “I did do that and its now done” and without hesitation or provisions I unconditionally forgive myself and Others. When we come to the question should we forget? My answer may seem strange, it may to some appear to be a contradiction, but I know it to be true. When it comes to Forgetting I say don’t. Why do I say that? You use it as a reminder of where not to go, just because you burn your finger on the pan doesn’t mean you stop cooking, your just are reminded that if you leave it there too long? It’s going to hurt. Its a reminder to test the depth of the water before you jump in and enjoy the swim, its a reminder of take a little longer to build up trust before you let strangers into you life, its a reminder of better to be safe than sorry, its not a roadblock to moving forward, its a gauge of how fast you can go.

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So remove the Ball and Chain of lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Mistakes, cut off the links of further stupidity there is no need for it to be a lifelong sentence, go with a heart of forgiveness and this as with all Comebacks will allow the truth to set you free. Sending you Love and Big hugs. Shane

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