Sexual Assault Magazine

The Daily Aztec

Spring 2019, Vol. 1

el Alma Sexual Assault at San Diego State

The Story of Carly and Tyler Ex-SDSU football player accused of abusing girlfriend PAGE 16

Letter From The Editor The only thing that could make the process of producing a magazine more difficult would be focusing the entire thing on the issue of sexual assault. I can assure you it is not fun to sit behind a camera while a young woman’s eyes fill with tears as she opens up about her experience being raped.

It is not fun to send Twitter DMs to alleged abusers to get their response to a story you’re running on their history of domestic violence. And it is not fun to write email after email to university officials whose job it is to support survivors on campus only to never hear back from them.

But it’s important. Publishing a magazine about sexual assault during the era of #MeToo and cancel culture seems like an obvious choice, but I wouldn’t say this is an issue that has been in the face of SDSU students in the past year. It has become one of many issues we deem to be “pressing” but never seem to change our approach on, thus allowing it to continue in the same way it has for years. According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, 23.1% of women and 5.4% of men experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence or incapacitation during

their undergraduate years. Something needs to change.

As a news organization, our greatest asset is being able to tell people’s stories. You now have the opportunity to read explicit experiences students have had with sexual assault. These people could be your friends. Even if they are not, you have classes with them. You see them walking around campus. Each of these experiences is unique but speaks to the larger reality of this issue. Survivors are everywhere. Abusers are everywhere.

Please take the opportunity to understand this issue in a way you may not have before. Think of ways you can be an ally to survivors while holding the people around you accountable for their actions. This magazine may never make it into the hands of the people who need to hear these messages the most, but that does not mean these stories cannot make a difference. Read them, remember them and keep their message alive.

Change starts with the individual.

Much love, Bella Ross

Table of Contents Note: This magazine features explicit accounts of sexaul assault in multiple stories.

Please proceed with caution. Resources for reporting cases of assault can be found on page 22.

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Cancel culture goes offline: When “cancelling” celebrites is not enough

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Deconstructing “the perfect victim”: Why so many victims stay silent The dangers of “swiping right” kNOw MORE: Sexual assault resources on campus

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The story of Carly and Tyler: Physical, emotional abuse allegations hit former SDSU football player just ahead of the NFL draft

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Shifting stereotypes: Campus groups work to tackle sexual assault in Greek life

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Universities, step up: When are we going to start holding student abusers accountable?

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Compromising chastity: When saving yourself for marriage is no longer a choice Your problematic favs: A playlist How to report

Staff Editor in Chief Bella Ross Staff Writers Stephan Early Ceighlee Fennel Sydney Karlos Kelly Kerrigan Kaitlyn Little

Lauren J. Mapp Julianna Ress Dana Tsuri Brenden Tuccinardi

Mirella Lopez Alby Sanchez Brenden Tuccinardi Charlie Vargas

Designers Sam Beadle Katherine Cooke Ceighlee Fennel Jordan Foster Ashley Livolsi

Photographers Kaitlyn Little David Pradel David Santillan Brenden Tuccinardi

Queens

of the music scene

San Diego’s local punk scene grapples with the realities of “cancel culture” Story & Photo // Brenden Tuccinardi

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n 2018, NPR reported in a podcast that fans of the hardcore music scene in Richmond, Virginia, had taken it upon themselves to provide justice to victims of sexual assault perpetrated by musicians popular in the scene.

Using social media, the women of the Richmond scene held their abusers accountable, creating a moment of reckoning for bands and musicians who chose to look the other way.

The local rock music scene in San Diego is having a similar moment.

“You could ask any girl here, and they would have a story to tell,” Carley Fischer, the lead singer of San Diego punk band Creature Culture said after playing a set at UC San Diego’s Ché Café on April 19.

She said stories of guys in bands acting creepy with their female fans circulate around the local art scene constantly, mostly via social media.

Sexualt assault is already a complex issue, but in the scene, Fischer said it takes on a completely different form.

The reason, she explained, is the weird power complex some musicians get as soon as their band gets a taste of success.

“What’s simultaneously fantastic and dangerous about the scene is that it’s for everyone,” Fischer said. “Everyone includes naïve young girls, and grown men in bands who are being put on pedestals. There have been countless cases of guys in their twenties taking advantage of high school-aged girls.”

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Fischer mentioned a specific situation in which someone she had grown to admire in the scene, a 27-year-old singer in a band, was discovered to have sent inappropriate messages to a 15-year-old girl. Wanting to protect the privacy of the girl, Fischer did not name either the band nor the singer who sent the messages.

But, like Fischer said, this isn’t uncommon.

Taylor Goldstein, the guitarist for the band Subspecies, spoke of a similar situation in which the 21-year-old singer of a reasonably popular band – whom he asked to remain unnamed – was sending unsolicited nude photos to underage girls.

At first, Goldstein said the fallout from the accusation was intense. The band lost followers on Instagram, while at the same time several other bands, including Subspecies, made an effort to stop playing shows with them.

However, he said loyalties run deep in the scene, especially since the community is so small. While some fans left, others remained by the band’s side, claiming their music was just too good.

While this form of sexual harassment is rampant in the scene, there have also been incidents of outright sexual assault. Theater junior Paloma Carrillo shared her story, detailing the abuse she suffered at the hands of a local band member.

In December 2017 Carrillo and her friends went to see a locally well-known band – which she chose not to disclose the name of – play in Northridge. At the end of the night,

Carrillo was separated from her friends and left without a ride back to where she was staying. A member of the band approached Carrillo and offered her a ride home with the band, since where she was staying was on the way to where they were headed. Carrillo said with no other option, she agreed.

“We were in the car, and he was talking to me, and we were just talking about music,” Carrillo said. “Then he took me to his house, and he is like ‘I need to get something. Can you come inside with me?’ and I was like ‘Oh, well why? I can just wait in the car.’ And he’s like, ‘No, no, no, no. I don’t want to leave you alone in my car.’”

Carrillo said she then left the car and went inside the band member’s house. When inside, he exposed himself to Carrillo and began to push himself onto her. Scared and unsure, Carrillo said at first she went along with it, but after realizing she did not feel comfortable she tried to push him off. This led him to become violent, smacking her across the face. She said the man continued to rape her throughout the night.

“After he was done, I was like, so can you take me home now? He said, ‘No,’ so I had to spend the night there, and he did it throughout the night. Then I just took myself home in the morning,” Carrillo said.

After that night, Carrillo told others who had gone to the show about the incident but said they had trouble believing her story since her abuser was well-liked and did not seem, to them, like someone who would assault women.

“I came forward, and they were like, ‘He would never do that. His music doesn’t represent that. That’s not how he represents himself to his friends and his band,’” Carrillo said.

“I was rejected for coming forward with it.”

It’s not uncommon for accusations of sexual assault or misconduct to be polarizing among fans. Just look at other artists like Woody Allen, XXXTentacion or Louis C.K. who, despite having been accused, and in some cases found guilty, of violence and misconduct, have maintained massive followings. While it is easy for people to tweet and hashtag their opposition to these celebrities’ actions, the proximity of the local scene complicates things. Victims have close relationships with other fans who make excuses for abusers actions.

“It’s so devaluing as a victim when people continue to go to these guy’s shows and listen to their music,” Fischer said.

However, in all three cases, things began to noticeably change when survivors began to share their stories on social media.

“He got his name ran through the mud,” Carrillo said of her abuser. “A bunch of girls came forward, who were like 14 and 15, and they said he took them to his house, did those things, and forced them to spend the night. It was like the same situation.”

At one point, Carrillo said a Facebook group was created

to spread the word of his abuse. The group has since been taken down, but the damage to his and the band’s reputation had already been done.

The band broke up, and Carillo’s assaulter deleted his Instagram, she said. A similar fate awaited the band Goldstein mentioned when news of the singer’s behavior was spread on Instagram.

The events that Goldstein and Carrillo describe are evidence that, while on a much smaller scale, the same Internet call-out culture that has brought down the likes of Kevin Spacey, Matt Lauer and Bill O’Reilly, is operating in the San Diego music scene.

Lisa Nakamura told The New York Times that cancel culture arose from a desire for control, compelling individuals to take matters into their own hands.

“Socially irredeemable things are said on platforms all the time,” Nakamura said. “Cancellation creates a culture of accountability which is not centralized and is haphazard, but needed to come into being.”

One has to wonder if canceling an artist or musician is the most effective way of holding them accountable.

The same New York Times article refers to a video in which Kimberly Foster, the founder and editor in chief of For Harriet, points out that isolating people does not undo the trauma they might have caused others.

“When we’re angry it’s normal for us to want retribution, to seek out revenge,” Foster says in the video.

“We’re socialized in a culture that tells that’s the right thing to do, but punishment is not justice.”

Already, victims of cancel culture have appeared to be able to weather the storm. Logan Paul still makes vid– Paloma Carillo, eos, Kanye still gets to do his “Sunday Theatre junior Service” at Coachella and people still play XXXTentacion’s music.

The reality is when people denounce a celebrity on social media, it may be as simple as posting their opinion with a hashtag and tapping the “unfollow” button. But, in a small, tight-knit community like the San Diego music scene where loyalties run deep, it is not so simple.

However, Fischer expressed her hope that the scene is changing.

“There are more girl bands in San Diego than ever, as far as I know,” Fischer said. “I think that’s really making a difference. We want our voices to be heard and they’re starting to be heard. We’re helping each other be louder and giving each other a platform.”

Fischer and her band Creature Culture say it best in their song “Queen of the Music Scene.”

“There’s nothing more dangerous than a smart girl who knows she’s got a hot body,” Fischer sings in the song.

“She came out kicking and screaming, ‘I will not listen to the man, I know who I am.’All the silly boys in the metal bands that all sound the same think they’re playing her, but they don’t see. She’s queen of the music scene.”

“I came forward, and they were like, ‘He would never do that. His music doesn’t represent that. That’s not how he represents himself to his friends and his band.’ I was rejected for coming forward with it.”

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Y H W S M I T VIC STAY SILENT Story // Syndey Karlos Photo // David Pradel Illustration & Design// Jordan Foster

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exual assault is becoming a prominent topic in society. From college campuses to the White House, issues of sexual assault can be seen everywhere. With more awareness of this issue coming to light, some may question why victims do not speak up sooner.

The most common reason why victims do not speak up is the feeling of shame. According to the author of the book “Shame: The Power of Caring

by Gershen Kaufman,” “Shame is a natural reaction to being violated or abused. In fact, abuse, by its very nature, is humiliating and dehumanizing.”

Many victims get this feeling of being invaded or feeling helpless as the consequence of another person’s actions. The very act of being sexually assaulted causes a feeling dehumanization.

Human beings “want to believe that we have control over what happens to us. When that personal power is challenged by victimization of any kind, we feel humiliated,” Psychology Today reports. This loss of control over one’s life is what causes shame. Living in a very individualistic society, having control over one’s life is an important aspect. Once you lose that, it is not uncommon to feel shame.

This sense of shame can carry over to victims blaming themselves for the actions of their perpetrator. This feeling of being responsible for what happened is what causes some women to not speak up sooner. When people feel ashamed, they hide. This concept of isolation sets victims apart from the crowd, translating to low rates of reporting cases of assault.

Another reason some victims don’t speak up is because traumatic experiences can sometimes scramble your memories. And, when the assault first happens, it is a difficult topic to speak about.

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Over time, these memories become fragmented.

However, this is not on purpose. The brain naturally struggles to cope with traumatic events.

According to Amy Hardy, a clinical psychologist at King’s College London, “We know that if people dissociate during trauma – where the cognitive part of the brain shuts down and they go a bit spacey or numb – it exaggerates this fragmentation process, so their memories have an even more here-and-now type quality.”

Sometimes stories don’t add up, but that is not the victim’s fault. According to a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, James Hopper, “Not only does memory fade with time, but when the brain’s defense circuitry is activated, the prefrontal cortex, which normally directs attention, can be rapidly impaired, affecting what information is recorded in memory.”

This does not mean the victim doesn’t remember the attack, but that the order of events may be mixed up. The fear of not being believed because of the inability to recall events in order causes some victims to not report their abuse.

Additionally, the stigmatization of sexual assault in our society causes many victims to shy away from reporting their assault. Our society features a rape culture where we normalize and excuse this type of behavior.

The main example of rape culture is blaming the victim. Many people that blame victims will usually say “She asked for it,” or “Maybe if she wasn’t wearing that.” This kind of thinking instantly marginalizes the victim, making it harder for them to speak up. The victim will not feel comfortable speaking up if they feel society is blaming them for their assault. This belief gives power to the abuser by not holding them accountable for their actions and instead casting that blame on the victim.

Some victims refrain from speaking up about their assault because they know their abuser will not face any consequences. Police statistically pursue sexual assault crimes at lower rates than they do other crimes. According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, “out of every 1000 rapes, 994 perpetrators will walk free.”

These statistics are dangerous for victims to see.

Victims will believe police won’t take their stories seriously, making them reluctant to come forward. Many don’t see the point in coming forward if there will not be justice.

Many victims live in fear, being another reason why many do not report their abuse. They fear retaliation from their perpetrators. There is a stereotype that only victims in high-profile cases, like those involved in the Harvey Weinstein case, can experience retaliation from their abusers. People think if the perpetrator is powerful, the victim is

more likely to experience threats of retaliation.

This is not true.

According to Psychology Today, “This fear of retaliation does not only apply to high-profile cases; people who wield their power to prey on other people are often quite adept at holding onto that power by any means necessary.” Retaliation from perpetrators is spread across all industries. Victims working in food service can experience just as much retaliation from their abuser as some of the top actors and actresses.

Victim blaming also causes victims to shy away from reporting. A particular type of victim blaming involves people telling the victim “they don’t act like a victim,” as people tend to forget there is not one way to respond to sexual assault.

People react to trauma in different ways. Our society expects a victim to act depressed or fearful after experiencing abuse, leading to an automatic blaming of the victim when they do not react in this way. Shaila Dewan of The New York Times reports “Later, (victims) may react by self-medicating, by engaging in high-risk sexual behavior, by withdrawing from those around them or by trying to regain control.”

While people may see this as a victim not acting like a victim, this is sometimes the only way a victim feels like they have control of their life again.

Being sexually assaulted takes away every ounce of control somebody has over themselves, causing those who have not experienced abuse to think survivors that act in this way are not acting like a victim.

Many victims don’t speak up in fear of losing their jobs. This is seen often with women who work in male-dominated fields. With huge power disparities within these jobs, many women don’t speak up for fear that they will be fired.

This is especially common among women who already face financial issues. According to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, “Earning low wages may also make it more difficult for a worker to leave a job, or to risk losing it by making a complaint.” Many sexual assaults go unreported for this reason. Fear of those in power has a lot more control over people’s decisions than some may think.

The automatic assumption that the victim was wearing something provocative discourages victims from speaking up. When a victim feels their choice of clothing may lead to scrutiny from those who blame the victim, they tend to blame themselves for the assault.

While clothing has nothing to do with why people are assaulted, our society likes to assume that the victim was “asking for it.” Psychologist Sandra Shullman explains, “These are arguments to

transfer the responsibility of control and power from the perpetrator to the victim.” Society tries to come up with any reason to blame the victim for the assault, even going as far as blaming clothes for the reason why the assault happened. Society’s resistance to blaming the perpetrator is what leads victims to not speak up.

The act of reporting the assault to the police can

be traumatic. The idea of talking to a group of uniformed officials about a horrific event while they ask personal questions is an idea that scares many victims away from reporting their assaults.

When a victim feels as though the whole world is against them, they see no point in speaking up.

When society blames everything and everyone but the abuser, the victim will not speak up. We need to do better as a society. Victims need to feel safe to speak about their assault. No survivor should ever fear of speaking out against the abuse they endured.

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Sexual violence on campus...

kNOw MORE

Story // Ceighlee Fennel Photo // Kaitlyn Little Design // Mirella Lopez

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argeting uninterested students is a hard task that sexual awareness and violence prevention programs try to constantly tackle. They are constantly using new strategies to get the whole San Diego State University campus involved.

“There are so many excellent resources, but that makes it harder to say there is a one stop shop which can make it more confusing,” Stephanie Galia, the director of Well-being and Health Promotion said. “But it’s important and intentional that we advertise all of them instead of one spot because we know that when people are experiencing trauma they have a variety of reactions that are all valid and it’s not a one size fits all.”

When it comes to the issue of sexual assault, there are so many different levels of involvement that there is no such thing as one perfect resource.

Some may be passionate about the topic, while others are only slightly interested or completely closed to discussing the topic. The reasons for this passion also vary depending on a student’s experience with the topic, whether they’re a survivor of sexual violence, know people affected by it or want to do something to help.

Different departments on campus, such as the Well-Being and Health Promotion department and Women’s Resource Center, try to reach all students no matter their interest level.

The Women’s Resource Center focuses on three main events called The BRAVE project, Take Back the Week and discussions at new student orientation.

The BRAVE project is a comprehensive training on how to prevent sexual violence that tries to understand the root cause of violence and how to dismantle it in society. This event is targeted toward students who are interested and passionate about ending sexual violence, but is open to everyone, according to Jessica Nare, associate director of the Women’s Resource Center.

“We wanted to provide a training that was really in depth and sensitive, but it’s not a training set up to reach a wide audience,” Nare said.

Their Take Back the Week program is how they try to reach a bigger audience. Nare said this event, which happens every April, is when the discussion reaches the most students on campus.

But, every student will face the issue whether they want to or not at freshman orientation during the Women’s Resource Center’s presentations on sexual assault and consent.

“They hear a lot of powerful information right off the bat when they arrive on campus and they can hear what the resources are right away,” Nare said.

Students do seem to retain the information from freshman orientation about sexual assault and violence prevention. Senior biology student Alex Ahooja said she remembered the presentation, but that the university overall seems to stay quiet on the issue.

“I think they do a really good job at freshman orientation, but I’ve seen it come up zero times since,” Ahooja said. “It’s a little concerning to me, but it’s really hard to advertise services that link to tough things.”

“We know certain party, club and bar environments can be high risk for this topic, so we want the students to be out there watching for things and helping prevent these things. We are hoping we are making the community change from the ground up.”

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Nare said she believes an area of growth for the Women’s Resource Center would be having more things that might be welcoming to people who are still learning about these topics. She said there are a few obvious barriers to bringing in the students who need to hear this information the most, but who generally avoid it.

“It’s hard to make mandatory participation in something as sensitive as sexual violence because it is a hard and sensitive topic,” Nare said. “It’s not always comfortable or acceptable to everybody so we run into challenges with that.”

This is one of the central struggles of this kind of support and one the Well-Being and Health Promotion department experiences as well.

One of the ways their department tries to reach a wider audience is through word of mouth and having involved students on the ground talking with their peers.

“We do try to think about how to reach those who are uninterested and unmotivated for a variety of reasons,” Galia said. “I do worry a lot, it’s important for us to provide programming to people who are interested, passionate and motivated because they are the people who can be change makers, but how are we reaching the students who won’t come and don’t want to be there?

We can’t make true community change unless you are engaging everyone on all levels.”

The is an issue students from all corners of the university seem to see an understand. Chemistry graduate student Rich Thai said he believes word of mouth is probably one of the most effective approaches.

“There’s only two main ways I know of that they get the word out,” Thai said. “The Wellness Center likes

to send out a lot of emails which helps with exposure and there are posters in popular areas. I think people who are involved should pass the message along from person to person.”

Well-Being and Health Promotion tries to reach the less involved students by not focusing on events people can just walk into, believing only motivated and interested people will come.

One of the programs it does to reach out is called bystander intervention training. This is for anyone who lives in resident education or is a part of a university seminar. Galia said this group is mainly freshman, but it encourages the students to not stand by idly and to become someone who gets involved in problematic or emergency situations.

Another form of training on campus is the required sexual violence training that all incoming students take. This is required so all students, whether they are interested or not, will get trained in the topic of sexual violence.

Faculty and staff are also required to take it.

Consent training exists on campus as well through Well-Being and Health Promotion, but this is mainly r e q u e s t e d by student organizations and classrooms.

Then, there is a climate survey that goes out to all students that asks for feedback about their experiences on campus. Nare said the survey comes out every other year to gauge the attitudes and beliefs people hold towards and around the topic of sexual violence.

This year will be the third time this survey has been distributed.

“It helps shape what our campus response is to this issue and helps us program to prevent sexual violence from happening,” Nare said.

Sometimes getting students involved takes other types of motivation rather than just advertisements.

Galia said extra credit in classes is a key component to getting students to events. Events can also count as accreditation for student organizations.

One way students in Greek life can get directly involved is through FratMANners and SISSTER. These are unit classes that students can enroll in for a whole semester. The classes take up to 40 students, which is the maximum number of students they can train.

“It offers a sense of community that fraternities and sororities can build with one another outside of their chapters,” Galia said. “We know certain party, club and bar environments can be high risk for this topic, so we want the students to be out there watching for things and helping prevent these things. We are hoping we are making the community change from the ground up.”

One way they are trying to reach out to the whole campus is the Let’s Talk campaign. They want to focus on different topics at different times such as stalking and domestic violence.

There are multiple ways these departments market to students. They do fliers, emails, newsletters, digital ads on TVs on campus and others. The Women’s Resource Center has a newsletter that students can sign up for through their Facebook page or in the office. Faculty members are also a resource because they promote events and offer the extra credit motivator.

Both departments also use social media heavily. WellBeing and Health Promotion doesn’t have a big following, with 785 followers on Instagram as of April 17, but Galia said she wants to get more. They reach out to partners on campus, like student organizations, who have more v i e w e r s h i p and student involvement.

These two departments aren’t the only ones creating the discussion about sexual assault and violence prevention.

The Residential Education Office and the athletic department have their own types of programs and training. All of these groups work together to discuss the topic of sexual assault awareness and violence prevention.

But, gaps do still exist in the conversation. Nare said the Women’s Resource Center wants to close these gaps by having a lot of different kinds of training that cater to different populations of students. She said the topic of sexual violence is so big that they want to make topics more relevant for the multiple demographics of people.

Even some students have said they are seeing the gaps.

“I’ve seen a lot of improvement on the amount of conversations about sexual assault over the years, but at the same time there’s still not a lot of action to be done,” said Thai. “We see these police reports and people telling their stories of their experiences, but I don’t know if a lot has been done since then.”

As for the overall conversation about sexual assault awareness and violence prevention on campus, Galia said there is always room to grow. Students and faculty agree that the conversation has become more prevalent over the years.

“There are a lot of good things happening, but even with that momentum, I think we should continue making the community and the environment safer, continue to grow the conversation, build out new programs, have bigger reach, and hopefully find new innovative ways to engage the whole campus,” Galia said.

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The Dangers of ‘Swiping Right’ Story & Design// Lauren J. Mapp Illustration // David Pradel

four colleges in Hong Kong found an “alarming” connection between dating apps and sexual abuse. Students were twice as likely to be sexually assaulted if they used online dating apps, according to Quartz.com. arrie met her rapist on OK Cupid while she Only one assault case on campus specifically was a student in the summer of 2014. Since mentions the use of an online dating app, said they had a successful first date where the Captain Matt Conlon of the San Diego State Police pair “hit it off,” Carrie – not her real name – agreed Department. to a second date with him.

It is estimated, however, that 63% of all sexual They spent time together, had a few drinks, assault cases — and 90% of cases on college then went back to his place in the North Park campuses — are not reported to the police, neighborhood of San Diego to watch a movie. according to the NSVRC. Other dating dangers in “I stupidly, admittedly, stupidly, got drunk,” the digital age include cyberbullying, cyberstalking, Carrie said. “I was drinking and I was smoking a lot catfishing and the distribution of intimate or sexual of marijuana and we were making out. I (was) still images, according to RAINN. completely cognitively aware of what’s going on. I Survivors of assault may seek medical attention wasn’t inebriated to the point where I was blacked following their encounters, but they don’t always out or anything like that.” file reports against their attackers.

After a while, the interaction The morning following her rape, between Carrie and her assailant Carrie said she woke up in pain, so began to feel uncomfortable as she sought medical attention. his actions started to become “I went to Planned Parenthood aggressive. and found out in the process he “It just stopped feeling good,” had torn part of my vagina and Carrie said. “It didn’t feel like this is it basically required me to have what I wanted. And so, I told him, stitches put in,” Carried said.

“No, I don’t want to do this yet. I just Fearful of her friends and family kind of want to take it slow.’” learning of what happened to her, She tried to stop their makeout Carried said she decided not to session from going any further, report her case to the authorities. which he initially agreed to. Then “(At Planned Parenthood), they about 15 minutes later, he began to asked me if I wanted to file a police – Carrie, overpower her. report and I told him no,” she said.

“He then proceeds to grab the Rape Survivor “I didn’t want my family to find out. back of my head and force me to I didn’t want my friends to find give him a blowjob – I’m pushing out. I didn’t want anyone to find out because I was away and telling him, ‘No, I don’t want this. Stop,’” ashamed for putting myself in that position.” she said. “Afterward he grabbed my hands – he “I wish I had gone to the police and filed a report was considerably stronger than me – and he forced so that he could be held accountable and he could himself on me.” never do this to another woman,” Carrie said.

Carrie’s experience is not an uncommon one Too often the burden of prevention has fallen on among college students. the victims of sexual violence, but it is important Every year, there are at least 321,500 cases of to know how to stay safe. Online dating websites sexual violence in the United States, according to and apps could lead to precarious situations, but the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. The there are safety steps people can take to avoid National Sexual Violence Resource Center reported dangerous scenarios. in 2015 that one in five women and one in 16 men When meeting up with someone for the first are sexually assaulted while in college. time, app users should choose a neutral, public Though formal studies about the correlation place. between sexual assault and online dating apps App users should avoid going to private locations in America have not yet been published, the link until trust has been built and should let a friend between the two is being documented globally. know where they’ll be. They should also avoid The United Kingdom’s National Crime Agency meeting with anyone without a profile picture or reported in 2016 that sexual assault cases had who won’t share information about themselves, increased by 450% in the previous six years, Conlon said. according to Vice News.

“Always trust your instincts,” Conlon said. “If A 2015 study of 666 university students from you’re not comfortable with an interaction with

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“I went to Planned Parenthood and found out in the process he had torn part of my vagina and it basically required me to have stitches put in.”

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somebody online, you probably should avoid meeting them.

“If you are going to meet somebody, be sure to let your roommate or a friend know where you’re going, who you’re going to be meeting.”

Another safety tip is to meet someone through a video chat before meeting in person. By doing this, online daters can see if someone seems suspicious and confirm that the person they’re meeting matches the profile, according to RAINN. Assault survivors at SDSU have a variety of services and departments they can turn to for help.

“We have an unusual set of services that SDSU offers that a lot of other police agencies maybe don’t have as much access to,” Conlon said. “We have one of our detectives that’s a sexual assault expert. It was a funded position specifically for that, and we’re hosting sexual assault investigative courses here on campus.”

Students can share their experiences confidentially with someone from Counseling and Psychological Services, receive information from the Title IX Office or attend weekly support group meetings at the Women’s Resource Center.

Students can also seek the advice at the Women’s Resource Center to learn about sexual assault prevention, said WRC Assistant Coordinator Jessica Nare.

“A lot of prevention that we work on is trying to address power differentials that exist in society,” Nare said. “(We challenge) people to think critically

about gender roles.”

Almost five years later, Carrie said she still struggles with the emotional aftermath of her assault. She has nightmares about what happened, struggles with certain forms of intimacy and avoids North Park whenever possible from fear of running into her assailant.

She eventually tried online dating again, but avoided OK Cupid and turned to Tinder.

“I used Tinder, which admittedly is generally a place people go to for hookups,” Carrie said. “I was going through this weird space where I was trying to reclaim myself and reclaim my body and reclaim my sense of independence.”

Tinder is where she met her current boyfriend.

In addition to her mother and a few therapists, her boyfriend is part of a small group people Carrie has felt comfortable sharing her story with.

“I told (my boyfriend) what happened one night and he was completely understanding and he just held me all night – he let me cry,” Carrie said. “I think that was like the first time I ever really told anybody what happened to me.”

After her experience, Carrie said she suggests taking extra safety precautions when meeting up with someone from an online dating app or website.

“Be safe, be smart, don’t go home with a guy on your second date,” Carrie said. “Get to know them before you agree to go to a place you’re not familiar with. Don’t be quick to trust people.”

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Universities, step up

When are we going to start holding student abusers accountable?

Story // Dana Tsuri Illustration // Katherine Cooke

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niversities need to do better. Hold students accountable for their crimes.

In 1991, Kurt Cobain said, “The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go t o the source and start there.”

Unfortunately, this still rings true almost 30 years later.

People continue to condemn women for being promiscuous, wearing provocative clothing or drinking too much rather than teaching men that women are not objects for the taking.

When women say they’ve been sexually assaulted, they are too often asked, “How much did you have to drink?” or “What were you wearing?” The college atmosphere perpetuates these notions and continues to make women feel responsible for what is done to them.

The statistics are shocking, with 20 to 25% of college women being victims of rape during their time in college. One would hope that colleges would try to make the consequences for sexual assault more severe, and while they’ve been making steps in the right direction, their efforts are not enough.

According to a survey conducted in 2015, 15% of students at San Diego State reported unwanted sexual contact or violence, 19% of those being women. Only about 33% of students participated in the survey.

It would be unfair to say Greek life plays no role in perpetuating the issue of sexual assault on college campuses.

According to KPBS, two studies in 2007 and 2009 published in the NASPA

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Journal suggest that fraternity members are more likely than non-fraternity members to commit rape.

One of those studies found that women in sororities are 74% more likely to experience rape than other college women.

In 2017, sexual assault allegations and alcohol violations surrounded SDSU fraternities. The Interfraternity Council decided in March 2018 to place the fraternities under social moratorium, rather than have the university decide on a punishment for them. The university never reprimanded the fraternities and the moratorium was lifted in October 2018.

The self-imposed moratorium was a simple slap on the wrist for the fraternities. Students claimed to have been sexually assaulted at the organizations’ parties and all the fraternities got was a ban on social events for the semester. A ban that wasn’t even imposed by the university. The university should have found the men responsible for the alleged assaults and handled the cases individually. Clumping all of the fraternities – some of which weren’t even involved in the sexual assault allegations and alcohol violations – under one punishment is useless.

The people responsible need to be held accountable. The university should have done better. There’s no saying that sexual assaults at fraternities won’t happen again at SDSU. Tina Tchen, former executive director of the White House council on Women and Girls under President Obama, discussed the issue of sexual violence o n

college campuses at an American Bar Association event in 2017.

Tchen said it is going to take time for colleges to improve the way they deal with sexual assault cases and called sexual assault “an epidemic” on college campuses. Tchen said she worries the Trump administration will hinder progress on the issue.

It’s been demonstrated time and time again that universities need to do better when it comes to sexual assault claims and the punishments they give the accused. Granted, the accused should have a fair proceeding after claims are made about them, but once those claims are proven true, universities need to take action and make an example out of those students.

In some cases, the punishment the attackers get is as minor as suspension.

In 2013, a female student was sexually assaulted by a male student she knew in Southern Illinois University. The male student was found guilty and sentenced to a two-year suspension, but appealed and won. He was never removed from the university.

Another case in 2013 showed university sometimes not only fail to properly punish alleged rapists, but they can also end up vindicating them. Columbia student Emma Sulkowiczb claimed fellow student Paul Nungesser raped her. Three other women came forward saying Nungesser sexually assaulted them as well. Columbia found Nungesser not guilty and police declined to pursue charges against him.

Not only did Columbia find him innocent, but they also issued a statement saying they understand, “Paul’s remaining time at Columbia became very difficult for him and not what Columbia would want any of its students to experience.”

Part of the reason Nungesser was found not guilty in raping Sulkowicz is because they had consensual sex in the past and he claimed the sex was consensual this time as well. Even when a couple has had consensual sex, rape can still occur between the two people. If the sex isn’t consensual, regardless of the situation, it is rape.

It’s a classic case of not believing the victim – and even worse,

victimizing the defendant. Taking away the right of the woman to claim what happened to her was not what she wanted. Taking away her right to have her voice heard was not what she sought out.

That’s not to say that men aren’t victims of sexual assault on college campuses as well. Kurt Cobain’s quote fails to include the experiences of men in this narrative.

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 15% of college men are victims of forced sex during their time in college. But a lot of men feel ashamed to report they were sexually assaulted. Reporting rates for male victims are even lower than the already-low rates for female victims and the biggest reason for not reporting male sexual assault is the fear of being perceived as homosexual. The U.S. Department of Justice recorded more than 12,000 reports of sexual assault of males annually.

The department predicts this number would actually be about 60,000 if unreported assaults were included. According to the NSVRC, more than 90% of sexual assault victims on college campuses do not report the incident.

After reading about how universities handle sexual assault on their campuses, this statistic is not surprising. Universities have a duty to protect their students from any form of violence, especially sexual assault, and they haven’t met the standards necessary to do so. People continue to be victims, and universities continue to perpetuate the notion that victims are responsible for the crimes committed against them. This is obvious when looking at the punishments, or lack thereof, universities give to the perpetrators.

If university officials don’t hold students accountable, there’s no reason for the offenders to stop.

As Kurt Cobain said, “Go to the source and start there.”

Universities need to have in-depth investigations into sexual assault claims and make the punishment fit the crime.

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Shifting Stereotypes Campus groups work to tackle sexual assault in Greek life Story // Kelly Kerrigan Illustrations // Sam Beadle

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reek organizations across the nation have been scrutinized in the media over the last few decades based on their actions.

Two programs here at San Diego State have taken the initiative to inform members of Greek life how to educate, prevent and discuss sexual assaults that happen here on campus.

The programs, Fraternity Men Against Negative Environments and Rape Situations (FratMANners) and Sororities Invested in Survivor Support, Training and Ending Rape Culture (SISSTER), allow Greek members to enroll in peer-educated courses that increase awareness about prevention, intervention and support.

The programs are run by university staff Stephanie Waits and Samantha Greeney, who help the Greek community talk through these topics and orchestrate events and presentations in both formal and informal settings.

Unlike similar programs around campus that usually take the form of smaller events, FratMANers and SISSTER and both courses.

The first course members can take is a trainee program which forces new members to have serious discussions about sexual assault. From there, new members dedicate the following 16 weeks to preparing a presentation given to various campus groups where they aim to answer questions on the issue and guide any misconceptions.

After students have taken this course, they are able to enroll in the next course which deems them as “active members.” This course has an executive board and holds weekly meetings where they give presentations to many campus communities such as student-athletes, ROTC cadets and faculty. All new members of Greek organizations are required to attend such presentations.

Finance junior and SISSTER member Alexis

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Jones said she found the discussions she had between fraternity and sorority members in the program helped to broaden her perspective on the issue.

“Being able to learn about sexual assault prevention and helping survivors is extremely beneficial as well as collaborating with FratMANners on these issues and being able to hear first hand their perspectives,” Jones said.

The president of FratMANners, marketing senior, Nickolas Wohlman said he believes the fraternity members’ presentation is different from any he has heard of before, as the conversation frames sexual assault as a men’s issue as opposed to a womans one.

“The reason why it is different than other sexual violence presentations is we give it from a male’s perspective because a lot of sexual violence presentations are based on what women can do to prevent sexual violence and protect themselves and we see it as that is not how it should be,” Wohlman said. “You should not have to go out at night and think about those things, it should not be an issue.”

With this, Wohlman said men are forced to hold themselves and their friends accountable for their actions.

“So how can us as men prevent that?” Wohlman asked. “How can we look out for warning signs? How can we not be bystanders? How can we actually intervene in situations like that?”

While FratMANners was introduced to campus in 2007, the organization’s collaboration with other campus operations such as Interfraternity Council Recruitment, Student Ability Success Center and Counselling and Psychological Services has strengthened their campus presence.

Wohlman said he got involved with the organization early on in his college career after a situation involving sexual violence hit close to home.

“At the end of my freshman year, one of my good friends came up to me – she was in a sorority – and she told me that she was sexually assaulted at a party on campus and I didn’t know what to say to her,” Wohlman said.

He said it was this experience that made him realize how important it is to be versed in counseling survivors.

“After that day, I made it a mission of mine to always be ready for those conversations if it comes up and never be in a situation where I can’t help someone with what they’re going through,” Wohlman said.

SISSTER is a newer organization on campus

led by sorority women, for sorority women in order to become leaders in sexual violence awareness and prevention around campus.

The women in the course meet weekly with the FratMANners mebers discuss future events and current issues that relate to the topics of the course. In recent months, the organizations’ conversations have tackled issues such as the confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh and the #MeToo Movement.

Psychology senior and SISSTER President Kylie Vinther said these organizations provided her with a safe space to turn to on campus.

“I came into college extremely nervous about joining the Greek community because someone very close to me had disclosed that they had been sexually assaulted at their university, and told me they didn’t want me to join Greek life for that reason,” Vinther said. “When I joined Kappa Delta as a freshman, I always heard older members talking about SISSTER and I knew that this organization was special.”

She said the number one concept their curriculum teaches is that when an assault occurs, it is never the survivor’s fault. She said SISSTER also puts emphasis on the importance of affirmative verbal consent and how they promote it throughout Greek life.

“This means that, instead of the absence of a ‘no,’ there must be an enthusiastic, verbal ‘yes’ for all sexual acts,” Vinther said. “It doesn’t matter if the survivor was drunk or if they were dressed provocatively, if there isn’t a yes given by someone who is coherent enough to give that yes, then it is not consent.”.

Some of the past events the organizations of held include Spike Balls Not Drinks, The Green Dot Project, Every Kiss Begins with Consent and #NotSilentBecaue. The Green Dot Project is one of the organizations annual events where the group asks students to place either red or green stickers on a campus map, red showing places they have seen sexual misconduct and green showing places they have seen prevention. The goal of this project is to begin conversations on campus about what can be done to

stop sexually violent behavior.

One of the other main goals of the programs is to prevent the normalization of sexual violence by working to eradicate misconceptions, business marketing junior and FratMANners member Alex Franks said.

“What I believe to be the most important lesson I have learned through my time in FratMANners is the value of a friend to a survivor of sexual assault,” Franks said. “Sexual assault is not a physical discomfort that comes and goes, it is also an assault on a person’s recognition of their self-worth.”

He said this is especially important when considering how psychologically debilitating an assault can be to a person.“In the aftermath of an assault, survivors can often fall into depression, lose a sense of their individuality and lose self-esteem,” Franks said. “A friend has the ability to reassure a survivor of the fact that they are loved, appreciated, valued, respected and cared for.”

While there is still much growth that can be done on issues as such, campus groups like FratMANners and SISSTER have been proactive in working to make sexually violent actions unacceptable in the Greek community.

“I think SDSU is way ahead of the game when it comes to addressing sexual assault in the Greek community,” Vinther said. “While there’s always more that can be done, programs like SISSTER and FratMANers are effective and important.”

Vinther said part of the organizations’ hopes are to inspire other universities to address the issue of sexual assault within their Greek communities.

“I definitely believe we are much more equipped to confront these issues than other universities, and hopefully we can spread our programs to other universities in the future,” she said.

Greek members can apply for the courses through SDSU’s Greek Life page on the Student Affairs website or find out more information through Well-Being and Health Promotion.

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The Story of Carly and Tyler

Allegations of physical, emotional abuse hit former SDSU football player just ahead of the NFL draft

Story // Bella Ross Photo // David Pradel Design // Alby Sanchez

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e’s 6 feet 6 inches tall and 312 pounds. He just got signed by the Raiders and he’s got a history with San Diego State.

His name is Tyler Roemer and he’s a former left tackle for the Aztecs football team. Although he was not picked up in the draft, he was quickly signed in the following days. With a prospect grade of 5.45, according to the NFL website, he had “NFL backup or special teams potential.”

Yet, he fell far from the 9- to 10-ranked “once in a lifetime” players.

NFL Analyst Lance Zierlein said Roemer’s got “pro potential,” but he was skeptical about his history with SDSU. Roemer was suspended indefinitely from the team last November due to an unspecified violation of team rules. According to his draft analysis, scouts identified him as being “extremely immature.”

Communications senior Carly Heppler, Roemer’s ex-girlfriend from the beginning of 2018, said his history at SDSU goes far beyond what people saw on the field. She said their relation-

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ship was marked by emotional abuse, which eventually manifested into an incident of physical assault in March 2018.

While Roemer declined to do a phone interview with The Daily Aztec on the matter, his agency – a talent acquisition company called Octagon – provided a statement denying the accusations.

“I did not harm Carly physically, ever,” the statement said. “I never touched her in a harmful way.”

The statement went on to say: “I was raised by my mother, and several other women, and would never lay my hands on a female, ever.”

Heppler said their relationship started to pick up around February 2018, a point Roemer confirmed later in his statement. She said as their relationship progressed, he grew more suspicious, frequently accusing her of cheating with other football players.

But this was only the beginning. She said Roemer had her location shared with him and would often hold this over her head, accusing her of being places other than where she said she would be.

In one instance, Heppler said she was in a class at Student Life and Leadership – located above The Habit – when she received a text accusing her of not being in class like she said. When she told Roemer her class was located above The Habit, she said Roemer asked to smell her fingers to see whether they would smell of french fries.

Heppler said there were multiple instances like this, oftentimes resulting in knocks on her door when Roemer felt the need to confirm she was at home like she said. When Roemer couldn’t make a personal appearance, Heppler said he was not afraid to make a spell of latenight calls. A screenshot from during their relationship shows Roemer calling her four times between 2:18 and 2:20 a.m.

“This is just one night of every single night that (he) was constantly calling me at these absurd hours,” Heppler said.

On March 22, 2018, Carly said these tendencies turned into a physical altercation.

After a night of drinking, Heppler said Roemer asked to see her phone – something she said he did often that she was not a fan of – and she told him he would have to wait until they were sober.

“He didn’t like that answer very much and very quickly things escalated,” Heppler said. “He tried grabbing the phone out of my hands. I asked him to stop and he wouldn’t let go. There was a point where his arms were around me and I was holding onto my phone and he was prying the

“We decided that I should pay for the broken phone out of my hands.” door, which I did, and that I would seek counIn a moment of desperation, Heppler said she ran away and grabbed a hold of her screen seling. I met with a counselor and continued to door, the exit to her 10-foot-high balcony that do so when I was training in Arizona. We both she imagined she would have jump off of to get signed an Early Resolution agreement with away.

SDSU in July 2018.”

“He got there just in the nick of time and took The existence of this signed agreement does me and dragged me down to the ground,” Hepnot necessarily confirm Heppler’s accusations, as this method of resolution is in place to expler said. “It popped my screen door off of its hinges and he simply stood up from that, took plore whether the situation can be resolved one look at me and just said, ‘Why’d you do without an investigation. SDSU’s Title IX Investithat? Why did you break your screen door?’” gator Sara Vogel – who handled Heppler’s case She said the night lasted until 5 a.m., with Roand signed onto the early resolution agreement – said her office cannot comment on specific emer threatening to kill himself every time she cases. tried to leave. The next day, Heppler was on a Heppler said she has not heard from Roemer flight home to recoup with her parents. since they both signed the earRoemer did not deny there was an incident on March 22, ly resolution agreement. While 2018. But, he insisted he never she said she could have filed physically harmed Heppler. criminal charges against Ro“We were seeing each other emer, she didn’t because she for a bit in 2018 and we had an knew she still cared deeply argument on March 22, 2018, about him. She said the only over content on her cell phone,” reason she has chosen to come Roemer said in the statement. forward with this accusation “The argument resulted in a now is because she realized broken door.” others need to be able to learn Following the incident, Hepfrom her experience.

“Recognize the signs that pler said she and her friends emotional abuse might lead to received text messages from physical abuse,” Heppler said. “I other SDSU football players would say to run when you can – whom Heppler asked to reand … trust your gut.” main unnamed – urging her When reflecting on the night not to press charges against before things allegedly turned Roemer.

“Call me when you get the – Carly Heppler, violent between her and Rochance. I need you to not press Heppler said the signs Communications senior emer, any charges against Roemer,” a were right in her face. text to Heppler from one of the “I could almost tell you that players said. it was coming because maybe it was,” Heppler After some deliberation, Heppler said she desaid. “He would take his hat off and throw it on the ground. Maybe he would slam the door cided to take her case to SDSU’s Title IX office shut. Maybe it was just like too much of a, ‘Hey, where the incident resulted in an agreement get over here,’ or something like that.” without a formal investigation in July 2018. The Heppler has since moved from the apartment terms of the agreement, which both Heppler where she alleged the incident occurred and is and Roemer signed onto, said Roemer must finishing up her time at SDSU. For Roemer, his pay Heppler $83.38 for the damage done to her days had been spent preparing and training for screen door, attend an initial appointment at the draft since his declaration in December.

SDSU’s Counseling and Psychological Services Prior to the announcement of Roemer’s conand avoid any contact with Heppler.

In his statement, Roemer confirmed his intract with the Raiders, Heppler said she hoped teams will see Roemer as more than just a page volvement in the Title IX process and said he of statistics. continued to participate in counseling beyond “If you want to get a football player, sure, you the extent that was required by the agreement. can pick Tyler. But if you want a good person, I “We both met with Sara Vogel from the Center would not pick him,” Heppler said. “I just want of Student Rights and Responsibilities at SDSU people to know the truth.” after the incident,” Roemer’s statement said.

“Recognize the signs that emotional abuse might lead to physical abuse,” Heppler said. “I would say to run when you can and … trust your gut.”

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Compromising Chastity When saving yourself for marriage is no longer a choice Story // Kaitlyn Little Photos // David Pradel Illustrations & Design // Ashley Livolsi

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ot everyone experiences sexual assault the same way. People have different experiences and different recoveries.

In religion, specifically but not limited to Christianity, sexual assault can sometimes come with a stigma.

The idea of chastity – or saving oneself from any sexual activity until one is married – is a common belief shared among Christians.

Katie – not her real name – said there was no question during her teenage years of whether she would engage in premarital sex.

“I grew up in a Christian home so a lot of my beliefs and morals were just that you don’t hook up until you’re married,” she said. “That was something that was just part of my values and something that I never thought would be a question if I was going to save myself for marriage.”

It was Katie’s senior year of high school when she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She lost a lot of friends because she didn’t know how to deal with her diagnosis, but she eventually found a new friend group.

These friends were more interested in par-

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tying, something she wasn’t as involved in.

When Katie was approached by her new friends about throwing a party at her house over spring break, she said she reluctantly agreed. When the night came around, the party – which was an open invite to everyone from the three high schools in her town – ended up filling her house with strangers.

“There were probably 60 to 70 people at my house and I didn’t know how to cope with that, so I started drinking,” she said.

“That was really one of the first times that I had really drank anything and so (I) got mildly drunk but was not blacked out by any means.”

Around 1 a.m., people began leaving, except for a few people who said they were spending the night. Katie then found herself in her room with one of the guys who chose to stick around.

“One guy had come into my room earlier in the night and started kissing me and at that point, I was at the peak of the drinking,” she said. “I didn’t really process what was happening and he forced me to give him a blowjob. I had never done that before and never intended on doing that.”

The man, someone from her friend group, entered the bedroom when she was sleeping. He said he didn’t want to sleep on the couch so he came and slept in her bed with her despite her expressing discomfort with the situation. She said he then reassured her that he wouldn’t do anything, leading her to specify that they wouldn’t be engaging in anything sexual.

About an hour later he proceeded to make advances on her, touching her inappropriately without her consent. He then started putting on a condom even though she told him to stop. After that, he proceeded to have sex with her.

“At that point, (I) just shut down and tried to block out what was happening because I didn’t know what to do because I was so in shock,” she said. “I had no idea how I should respond.”

After it all, she said she felt ashamed for everything that had happened that night.

She couldn’t detach herself from the ways in which her sexual assault experience contradicted with her Christian values.

“I was ashamed because I grew up in the church, that was not something that I wanted to do,” she said. “But not only (did I not) want to have sex, I was ashamed that I was drinking, I was ashamed for all of it.”

The next morning, some of the guys who had also slept over were talking to the man that had raped her, asking him if they had sex. The man said yes and people assumed it was consensual, an assumption he confirmed. Katie said she didn’t want to play a game of “he said, she said” and told them it was consensual.

“I think that part really played a big role in why I was so ashamed about it and blamed myself for it because I had heard the stories from high school of sexual assault and why it’s a bad thing but it was never prepared for the if it was going to happen to me … because I never expected it to,” she said. “I didn’t know how to go about filing a police report, I didn’t know how to go about telling people about it, so I just didn’t.”

Word of the sexual encounter eventually spread around their high school, even to the point of some of the moms at her church finding out.

Because she told people the interaction was consensual, that blame was cast on her.

“A lot of people started questioning me and my faith and started kind of using that against me and blaming the alcohol,” she said. “Even my parents blamed me for it and they continued to use that as a reason why I shouldn’t drink because they would say ‘You know you can make bad choices when you drink.’”

Because of the shame this caused her, Katie said she even started to avoid going to church with her mentors because of the assumptions people would make about her.

The entire experience caused her to reflect on when she was younger and how her life expectations where so drastically different from what she had been through.

“In a matter of one night, I had gone from being innocent to having gotten drunk and then been raped and felt like I completely lost my identity that I had placed so carefully in Christ and in what I thought was the right thing to do,” she said.

She said she questioned if she even deserved love. She said she was in such a vulnerable place that all the negative feedback she got from the parents at her church made her question if she was still a Christian and if God would still love her.

“I definitely went through a few months’ period of time of just not knowing, like questioning God why, why did you let this happen to me,” she said. “And I don’t think that was something that he let happen to you. I have a strong belief that God is good and so anything that is good comes from God and I don’t think he’s capable of not giving good.”

When she went to SDSU, she realized sexual assault was a much more common occurrence than she knew. Nobody knew her story so this was a new opportunity for her to open up to people about her experience.

She said the biggest part of her recovery was having people listen without getting words of disapproval or disappointment in response.

When she told her parents the true story, she said their entire relationship changed. She had an entire community come around her to support her and tell her it would be ok.

“I think just opening up about it, even in small context, being able to not have to carry it alone, was crucial to being able to deal with it at all,” she said.

She said that it’s important to acknowledge that going through sexual assault doesn’t make you less of a Christian or make you unworthy. She said she believes there is good in everything that God does.

“I kind of came out of that feeling of not being worthy and felt like God was going to use (my experience) for good,” she said.

“And I’ve seen him do that and I think that’s kind of why I’ve been able to say ‘It’s ok, I’m going to be ok, because we are a broken people in a broken world’ and that doesn’t mean we’re not worthy of love and that doesn’t mean we can’t come to Christ.”

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Your Problematic Favs: A Playlist Story // Julianna Ress

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Photo // David Pradel

here’s a long history of popular songs containing themes of sexual assault and contributing to rape culture, which might go unnoticed by listeners.

Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” is an oft-cited example: it was a no. 1 hit in 25 countries including the United States, it played incessantly on radio stations, kids would sing along to it on the way to school, but the lyrics provide an unsettling version of consent. The lyric “I know you want it” trivializes women’s volition in saying no to a sexual encounter — adhering to the idea that they don’t say what they really mean.

Some of these songs have even been deemed significant in music history for sonic innovation or cultural relevance, likely by male rock critics. This does not mean songs supposedly canonized in music history cannot be reassessed or criticized for their lyrical content.

While women have made great strides in the music industry over the years, many of these problematic themes are still apparent in popular songs. It’s important to evaluate the output that the industry, which has allowed countless artists with a history of abuse towards women thrive, produces and how it reflects the ways women are treated behind the scenes.

Here are some examples of popular songs with problematic lyrics worth questioning next time they come on the radio.

Illustration // Sam Beadle

slave ship bound for cotton fields / Sold in the market down in New Orleans,” frontman Mick Jagger sings.

“Scarred old slaver knows he’s doing alright / Hear him whip the women just around midnight / Brown sugar, how come you taste so good? / Brown sugar, just like a young girl should.”

Black women have constantly been fetishized in music, often seen as sex objects. The inclusion of slave imagery in this particular song makes it doubly unsettling.

Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number (1994), Aaliyah Blatant sexualization of young girls in music didn’t end in the ‘70s, though. R. Kelly penned this infamous song for the then 15-year-old Aaliyah when he was 27, and it describes an underage girl attracted to an older man.

The song was criticized upon release and performed poorly chart-wise, but is worth noting due to Kelly’s illegal marriage to Aaliyah at the time and his long history of sexual abuse that has only recently been widely discussed.

“It’s important to evaluate the output that the industry, which has allowed countless artists with a history of abuse towards women thrive, produces and how it reflects the ways women are treated behind the scenes.”

Run For Your Life (1965), The Beatles “I’d rather see you dead, little girl / Than to be with another man,” goes the jarring opening lyrics of this track off the Beatles’ renowned record “Rubber Soul.” The entire song — written and sung by John Lennon, who admitted to abusing women — contains references to aggressive jealousy and threats of violence that would be subject to widespread criticism if released today.

Depictions of this abusive behavior in music reflect its real life implications, where these forms of manipulation and intimidation contribute to toxic relationships, domestic violence and rape culture.

Brown Sugar (1971), The Rolling Stones Though one of the Stones’ biggest hits, “Brown Sugar” is also one of the band’s most obvious instances of misogynoir.

The song acts as a slave rape fantasy: “Gold coast

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Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis (2003), Brand New The emo music scene of the early-’00s was deeply rooted in misogyny, and Brand New, once considered one of the scene’s most celebrated bands, was among the most prominent offenders.

“Barely conscious in the door where you stand / Your eyes are fighting sleep while your mouth makes your demands,” sings lead vocalist Jesse Lacey on “Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis.” “You laugh at every word, trying to be cute / I almost feel sorry for what I’m gonna do.”

The song is detailed, harrowing description of premeditated date rape. “If you let me have my way, I swear, I’ll tell you apart,” goes one of the song’s most terrifying lyrics. Though Lacey said in 2003 that the song recounts a nightmare, it has aged extremely poorly given the context of the allegations of sexual misconduct with a minor made against him in 2017. He vaguely apologized for “the actions of (his) past” after these allegations were made public.

Blame It (feat. T-Pain) (2008), Jamie Foxx A common theme explored throughout music history is alcohol causing women to perform sexual acts they normally wouldn’t do sober. In the 2008 smash “Blame

It,” Jamie Foxx references this trope explicitly.

“She said she usually don’t / But I know that she front,” he describes a woman on the track, saying her resistance to have sex with him is not genuine.

The refrain “blame it on the alcohol” perpetuates the myth that anything but the assaulter is to blame when women are pressured — through alcohol, intimidation, physical violence or otherwise — to engage in sexual acts they’ve expressed disinterest in. Supplying someone with alcohol in hopes that it’ll lead to sex is premeditated rape.

What Do You Mean? (2015), Justin Bieber It’s one of the biggest hits of recent years, and though it doesn’t directly refer to sexual assault, Justin Bieber’s “What Do You Mean?” operates based on stereotypes of women being indecisive and insincere, which relates to consent.

“When you nod your head yes, but you wanna say no / What do you mean?” he sings on the hook. “When you don’t want me to move, but you tell me to go / What do you mean?” These stereotypes actively go against “no means no” rhetoric used to define consent.

Suggested For You Songs by powerful women that aim to dismantle rape culture

“Motion Sickness” (2017), Phoebe Bridgers Indie rock newcomer Phoebe Bridgers has said this song off her debut record “Stranger in the Alps” was inspired by her relationship with prolific musician Ryan Adams, which occurred when she was 20 and he was 40.

She was one of several women who spoke out in a New York Times piece earlier this year about Adams’s history of abusive and manipulative behavior — Bridgers said he was emotionally abusive and committed sexual misconduct during their relationship.

With this context, “Motion Sickness” is a moving portrait of the ways older, established male artists wield power over young, burgeoning female musicians, and the resulting emotional distress: “You said when you met me you were bored,” she recalls on the track. “And you were in a band when I was born.”

“His Story” (1992), TLC In a similar vein, this track off trio TLC’s debut album was in response to a 1988 trial in which African American 15-year-old Tawana Brawley was found not to be a victim of sexual assault after she accused four white men of raping her — Left Eye namechecks her in the intro of the song.

“His story will be history / And my story is a waste of time,” the group declares on the track, referring to society’s tendency to trust men over women, especially in instances of assault.

“They’re gonna believe his story.”

“F--k and Run” (1993), Liz Phair On her massively influential album “Exile in Guyville,” Liz Phair wrote profound stories about women navigating relationships and the world, and she paved the way for future female indie rock artists. “F--k and Run” is most exemplary of a depiction of toxic sexual relationships.

“You almost felt bad,” she sings of a man only interested in her for sex. “You said that I should call you up / But I knew much better than that.”

She describes how men lie about wanting to pursue a romantic relationship after a sexual encounter, the resulting loneliness and isolation women feel and how these behaviors are instilled at a young age.

“Off Duty Trip” (1979), The Raincoats This track off post-punk band The Raincoats’ classic self-titled record acted as a protest song in response a publicized rape trial at the time where a British Army officer recieved lenient treatment in court.

“Woman you’re pinned up / on the wall in front of you,” goes the chorus on “Off Duty Trip.”

“A soldier’s life is very tough / Needs tender loving when fighting’s through.”

The themes of this song are still relevant today, addressing deeply flawed justice systems in regards to the lack of consequences for abusive men, especially for those in positions of power.

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Resources Campus Resources Counseling & Psychological Services (619) 594-5220 Weekdays, 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

Calpulli Center, 4th Floor, Rm. 4401 PsycServ@sdsu.edu (checked during operating hours only) Student Health Services Appointments: (619) 594-4325 If this office is closed: (858) 225-3105 Calpulli Center on Hardy Avenue Sexual Violence Advocate & Educator (619) 594-0210 Weekdays, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. (Closed during campus closure days) Calpulli Center, 2nd Floor San Diego State University Police Emergency: 9-1-1 Non-Emergencies: (619) 594-1991 5500 Campanile Drive Tips: PoliceInvestigations@SDSU.edu

Story //Stephan Early Design // Bella Ross

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Emergency Rooms Alvarado Hospital Medical Center (619) 229-3130 6655 Alvarado Road Sharp Grossmont Hospital (619-740-6000) 5555 Grossmont Center Drive

Off-Campus Resources Center for Community Solutions (CCS) (858) 272-5777 24-Hour Hotline: (888) 385-4657 (Bilingual) Mondays - Fridays, 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.

4508 Mission Bay Drive Info@CCSSD.org San Diego Access & Crisis Line 24/7 Hotline (888) 724-7240