PROMISES TO MY POST-QUARANTINE SELF

By Olivia Edmonds

I’m sure we’ve all been planning- nay fantastingin true A-type personality law student style, about the many ways we aim to improve ourselves during isolation. The post quarantineprison bodies; the many high brow books we will finally get around to reading ( “law just has soo many prescribed readings, it takes the joy out of it. You wouldn’t understand, the workload is Just. So. Intense.); the 2.7 languages we will learn, combined with learning to hide from the murderous rage of the Duolingo Owl; as well as many more DELISH self improvement schemes, e.g. poorly made bread, to flaunt to your devoted 743 followers on Instagram.

Basically, quarantine is an incubator for the perfect you. But there’s no doubt we all miss the ever elusive outdoors, and we can't ever miss an opportunity for self improvement can we?

So, here are the promises I’ve made to my future self, for when we are finally free for curating the ideal post quazza life. I implore you to take some of them on for your own benefit.

1. I PROMISE TO ATTEND NON-COMPULSORY SEMINARS:

Ideally this will last at least half the semester. In all likelihood, this will last two weeks until you remember that online uni actually ain’t that bad (they’re really into something with this whole Zoom thing guys).

2. I PROMISE TO GO TO LECTURES (PHYSICALLY; SPIRITUALLY; SOMEWHAT MENTALLY).

Sit real close to a stranger, really lean into the 1.5 metre bubble, who knows maybe you’ll find your next mooting partner!. Have a chit chat. Ask to borrow their phone charger, maybe breathe down their neck a little. Sit on their lap. Take some notes.

3. I PROMISE TO NEVER FLAKE AGAIN.

I promise I will never again be ~that bitch~ who uses the ol’ sorry I can't come anymore tonight :( Yeah I have a Law assignment due. Yeah did you know I did Law? Well I have an essay due. Yeah for my Law degree. It’s really hard. The Law degree. Yeah.

4. I PROMISE TO COUNT THE NUMBER OF COUPLES THAT BREAK UP POST-QUARANTINE AFTER THEIR REINTRODUCTION TO TEMPTATION.

Note: Call this a social experiment to counteract the questionable morals of enjoying their demise.

5. I PROMISE TO HUG EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS.

Then realise swiftly that I’ve always somewhat resented physical affection and approximately three months of physical and social isolation have only heightened this fact - retreat to the safety of home.

6.I PROMISE TO GET AT LEAST ONE HD.

Or at least try, and then fall into the loving arms of an NGP when I realise it's impossible.