The Hilarian Issue 2 - 2022 by The Hilarian

A PUBLICATION OF THE AULSS

THE

ISSUE 2, SEMESTER 1 2O22

HILARIAN0 ADELAIDE UNIVERSITY LAW SCHOOL’S THIRD-MOST RELIABLE (RECYCLABLE) RAG

BETTER CALL SOUL Bhoomika Trivedi writes about the wellness [benefits] to walking

RECIPE!, A step-by-step recipe for Annie’s infamous apple pie!

PLAYLIST The ideal post-exams, uni holiday party playlist.

STEAL THEIR LOOK Fabulous fashion inspo from Jacques le Gris and Barty Crouch Jr.

DEPP V HEARD: Netra Ramkumar summarises the popular trial in the latest installment of our celebrity cases segment.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF COUNTRY

BEHIND THE HILAR M IA TEA N E WO H T UL D

KE LI TO

the traditional land of the Kaurna people, and that we respect their spiritual relationship with their Country. We also acknowledge the Kaurna people as the traditional custodians of the Adelaide region and that their cultural and heritage beliefs are still as important to the living Kaurna people

AC K NO W L

EDGE THAT TH E LA N D

TH E

A 2

E ID LA

SITY VER UNI

LAW SCHO OL

WANT TO JOIN US? Need a reason to procrastinate? Apply for a position on our subcommittee via the QR code, or follow the instructions below to submit your content to The Hilarian Magazine for publication in the next edition!

THE HILARIAN IS CALLING FOR CASUAL SUBMISSIONS FOR ISSUE 3! IF YOU LOVE WRITING, SKETCHING, PHOTOGRAPHY OR MAKING JOKES ABOUT LIGGY LIFE, PLEASE SEND IN YOUR CONTENT! CONTACT US ON FACEBOOK OR INSTAGRAM, OR VIA HILARIAN@AULSS.ORG

Prompt ideas include cafe or restaurant reviews, tributes to celebrities or observations on campus life. Comparisons between courses, or a really good playlist. General advice to First Years (or any years for that matter, we’re all equally lost on the social laws at the Ligertwood).

15 AN EXCLUSIVE LOOK AT THE HILARIAN MERCH SHOP Rafik Gayed & Ikhwan Fazli

16 FIRST YEAR WOES Kanika Singla

20 WHAT YOUR BAG SAYS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER Belle Watts

CONTENTS

22 BETTER CALL SOUL Bhoomika Trivedi

24 2 ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF COUNTRY

ANNIE’S INFAMOUS APPLE PIE Annie Zhang

the procrastinator

EDITORS’ WELCOME Introducing Rui, our newest Editor

8 LETTERS TO THE EDITORS

9 IMPORTANT NEWS HEADLINES

the student

11 THE FIRST YEAR EXPERIENCE Jiang Yurui

29 PLAYLISTS Netra Ramkumar & Ikhwan Fazli

31 LAST BREAKFAST AT BODRI’S William Barker

32 AULSS DESIGNATED SURVIVOR Felix Eldridge

33 RESTAURANT REVIEWS: EXCHANGE COFFEE Cerys Davies

34 STEAL THEIR LOOK Kush Goyal & Ikhwan Fazli

the lawyer

39 CELEBRITY CASES: DEPP V HEARD Netra Ramkumar

43 REJECTION LETTER TEMPLATE Kush Goyal

44 CAREER IDEAS Rafik Gayed

EDITORS’ WELCOME

WELCOME TO THE SECOND EDITION OF THE HILARIAN 2022...

*Editors’ Note: This was written about two months ago, when we were organised and before we prioritised salvaging our Equity grades over conforming to the AULSS Constitution. Now we can’t be fucked changing it, sue us. Well, we’ve arrived. The end of the semester. Congratulations! We’re really proud of you. Now, all you have to do is conquer the steepest part of the mountain (exams). To help you combat any sense of impending doom regarding the dreaded foray into Wayville, or your imminent death by dissertation, the Hilarian, edited by the ‘dream team’ of Kush, Ikhwan, Rui

and Cerys, has once again provided you with a dose of mediocre satire, occasional laughs, and a good way to procrastinate instead of practicing your handwriting. What makes a good sequel? Will this issue be our triumphant Shrek 2? Or will it be as disappointing as season 8 of Game of Thrones? Of course, dear reader, it’s up to you to decide (but please don’t tell us if you hate it). We have a (not really) jam-packed issue number two; we’re sticking to our three segments- the Procrastinator, the Student, and the Lawyer. But because we know that the stresses of the end of the semester loom strongly over

all of us right now, we’ve included a sub-segment where we’ve written about some activities that we like to do to improve our mental health at times like this. In the following pages, Belle and Cerys judge students based on the bag that they bring into Uni, Annie divulges her secret apple pie recipe, Felix provides us with a sneak peek into Hollywood’s newest blockbuster, and the Commercial Bank of Australia is back with yet another moneymaking scheme. At best, this edition is the perfect way to spend thirty minutes of your valuable study time. At worst, it can be responsibly recycled by the environmentally conscious law student who’s probably going to read On Dit instead (ew— jk we love you Jenny). For the sake of their convenience, this magazine is not compostable, so we recommend that they place it into one of the yellow bins. And, last but very far from least, we’re really excited to introduce our newest Editor, enjoys binge reading any content she can get her hands on – be it an articles, stories, comics or even just a good old novel – although, sometimes it comes at the expense She is looking forward to working with the Hilarian team as an editor and spicing up future issues with some illustrations! Please pray that we don’t fail our exams. Regards, The Hilarian.

CREDITS: EDITORS Ikhwan Fazli Cerys Davies Kush Goyal Jiang Yurui COVER ART Photo by Markus Spiske GRAPHIC DESIGN Cerys Davies CONTRIBUTIONS FROM Christina Akele, Alexander Dorrington, Rafik Gad, Edwina Page, Netra Ramkumar, Bhoomika Trivedi and Belle Watts, Felix Eldridge, Annie Zhang, Kanika Singla, William Barker & Michail Ivanov

Leers to e Editors ARE YOU PERENNIALLY EXPECTING DISAPPOINTMENT ON A DAILY BASIS? DO YOU ALSO NEED SOME ADVICE ABOUT LAW SCHOOL LIFE AND HAVE A QUESTION IN MIND? IF YOU SATISFY THESE CRITERIA, THEN PLEASE EMAIL US YOUR QUERIES AT HILARIAN@AULSS.ORG.

Dear Editors, versity and I keep seeing older students come into the Ligertwood Building whilst wearing suits or really formal clothes. I always want to ask them why but I’m too shy. Could you guys enlighten me with the truth? Thanks, Mike

Dear Editors, school and I am quite worried compared to high school. Do you have any tips for me? Sincerely, Louis

Hi Hilarian Team, I’ve tried out most of the food places at the Hub in the past few weeks and am quite keen to try out new restaurants for lunch. Would love to hear some recommendations. Regards, Donna Dear Donna, We’re very glad to hear that.

HILARIAN HEADLINES https://www.aulss.org/the-hilarian ISSUE 2

Student Becomes Client to Lawyer

Adelaide University’s Law School Building Ligertwood displays model use of pebbledash as a method of smoothing structural wrinkles.

Study Reveals that 3 in 1 Law Students Hate Doing Math

University Establishes New Committee of Public Safety, Led by Constance A. Constitution

Prospect of Nuclear War Exciting News for Aspiring Defence Industry Consultant

THE

STUDENT Everything related to life as a student, including experiences and resolutions, stories and important things to remember that are integral to studying law at Adelaide University.

THE

FIRST YEAR

EXPERIENCE

BY RUI

It’s 2am in the morning. You open up that word document. Only 300 words left of that 2500 word assignis silent. The streets are deserted. Now, it’s just you and this assignment. Taking a deep breath, you begin to type. And as you do, your brain beyou begin to look back at your journey into Law Coming fresh out of Year 12, you had no idea what to expect of university. Maybe, you thought that university was like high school. Your friend tells you that it’s just parties all day and all night, but your parents’ friend tells a little anxious; your friends have all gone into or overseas even – all just to attend Law School in Adelaide. You don’t know much about what it will be like, but you’ve heard that the dropout dents all seem like highly organised people who have their lives planned out. Your professors seem intimidating. You’re a little worried, but you reassure yourself that things are going to be

You attend orientation week, join up with a few clubs, meet up with your old mates – things seem to be the same as they always had their long awaited beards, others dye their hair in all sorts of colourful shades – and you ly free to wear and look however you want. It’s an ecstatic feeling; no more teachers telling you what to wear to school, no more prim and proper uniforms – you’re free!! The weeks go by, and you begin to enjoy your routine. You go partying every few weeks, the workload isn’t heavy: Just some reading here and there, some seminar prep and you’re done, right? By the time midterms roll around, you realise that something is wrong. The you who was studious; the you who got assignments done two weeks ahead of due dates is now doing them the day before its due, the you who showed up to each class overprepared with notes – is gone. Instead, you have become the exact opposite. Out of all your class, you seem like the only one who doesn’t have it all sorted out. Then, there, as you sit typing out your assignment with your in reality, is just procrastination – as you deslooking for how to cite a niche and obscure piece of legislature – because citation generators just don’t exist for your department – and wondering why you left the Foundations assignment (given to you two weeks ago) to the last possible moment – you swear to yourself: “This will be the last time I’ll hand in an astempt to hold yourself to your promise frjsg.

You wake up early, start taking notes for each coming lecture, prepare for your seminar the week before – and everything seems to have changed. Then, one week – as you have prepared for everything – a sneaky little thought comes to mind:

a ‘frolic’ – taking yourself to the next available party and nightclub, wasting away hours on Instagram, and convincing yourself that watching the entirety of Johnny Depp v Amber Heard case streamed live was relevant to the coming weeks ‘Legal Gossip’ Seminar. A turns into a ‘month’. You spend your time in blissful ignorance of the end of semester, thinking that things will sort themselves out. But, as blissful as you were – and may have seemed, this time around, you realise that sooner or later, you will need to change. That assignment isn’t going to edit itself, and neither are you. You start to realise that your classmates – who seem to have it all together on the outside – are just like you; they too have realised that they cannot continue to frolic about in blissful ignorance. So, you all decide to study together and discuss the materials so everyone can keep each other in check. You begin to realise you value them, and that it “sucks

– you realise that they seem much more like you than you had thought, perhaps, a lot less intimidating and more approachable than you’d expect. 2498 words. 2499 words. 2500 words. watching the small counter at the bottom of your screen tick over with each new word, you feel a small sense of relief. You open up the MyUni page, and drop it into the submission box. A burst of confetti greets you as you press submit, and you breathe in a sigh of re-

Law School draws to a close with exams in tow – feeling a little bit nervous, but excited for all the fun that’s to come during the breaks – you realise that maybe, just maybe – you’re

As you reach out to the students in senior years, you realise that actually, they are not as intimidating as they seem – contrast to their stark and professional image (and showing up dressed in suits and ties) – they’ve been through the same struggles that you have. from where you are – you’re all facing the same struggles through assignments. Then, as you email your professors or approach them after a lecture with a question

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FIRST YEAR WOES By Kanika Singla

As I write this (whilst successfully neglecting my negligence assignment) I want to reach to the older law students gathering dust in the law library basement. I hope you will be -

Images courtesy of Broadsheet

Firstly, before university even started, our woes began with the enrolment process that every Adelaide Uni student must endure, only to be rewarded with gruelling unnecessarily confusing (much like our legal system, as I’ve learnt). Not to mention the horrible timetables that Access Adelaide creates. For those who still use those timetables, I highly recommend using MyAdelaide, it shows you all your classes and lectures that you are enrolled in on a weekly basis. I promise you will never go back! campus. There are over 30 buildings in this campus alone. The only reason I ever made it to the right classroom was because of the ‘Lost On Campus’ app. If you don’t have that app, truly, what rock have you been living under? Although I must recommend my favourite way of getting to know the campus: getting lost. I assure you it’s the best way. but all university students studying in the North Terrace campus is the excruciating number of stairs. I feel sorry for those students who have to brave the climb every few hours to get to their next class, I hope that it’s worth it. Then there’s the AGLC4, need I even bother explaining why we hate it? Our legal system comes from England, our stationary comes from China, but we must use an Australian method of referencing rather than Harvard which is far more convenient. workload. We slog away at our textbooks and readings every night but so far... we have nothing to show for it.

We came into law school expecting to tackle the big issues like murder, rape, kidnapping and grand larceny but instead we’re confused with legal conundrums about when a chip was ‘more likely than not’ dropped. Before law school, I always thought a lawyer was someone who had all the answers to people’s stupid - and occasionally serious - questions and problems. Now it seems that I have more stupid questions and problems of my own to be able to answer anybody else’s. So, I’m going to write down my questions here so that (hopefully) my mentor sees them and can answer them for me. What is this equity subject that all the older law students complain about? Will we ever get to hold Stubbsy’s cube microphone of legend? What is the highest GPA you can get? So I know the standard to which I am going to fall horribly short. Now I know most of us were probably told that we are going to do great things in law and in life, but I also know that at this stage most of us have stopped believing that’s true. However, I want to remind you all that we managed to get into law school and more sigfore, you have already done great things and I’m sure many, many more will follow.

WHAT YOUR BAG SAYS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER by belle watts

THE (PROBABLY MARC JACOBS) TOTE BAG

THE BACKPACK

You’re either incredibly lazy or incredibly trendy and there is no in between. The tote bag is one of the most versatile bags. It requires very little thought, matches almost any

The backpack is a smart choice. Easy to wear, use and keep organised, I think the backpack can also be broken down into a few categories. You’ve got your sports brand backpacks, backpacks from events or competitions you were in and then the backpacks that look like you should still be in high school. But honestly, no judgement there, your look is working for you and you should keep rocking it. What the judgement comes from is HOW you wear said backpack. If you’ve got the straps loosened all the way in an attempt to look cool, I request that you immediately cease and desist and then thank me for saving you money on a chiropractor bill.

into a ball and thrown into the back of your car for the next time you forget shopping bags. You’ve either meticulously bought one with a cool your awesome personality, or you’ve gotten one for free somewhere and decided not to waste it. Either way, I respect you for the chaos you a pen in the bottom of your bag.

THE LEATHER / NON-LEATHER HANDBAG

THE LAPTOP BAG

If you’re using a handbag at uni, you’re the type of person who is tempted to become a corporate lawyer purely for the business attire that you’ll get to rock every day. I get it. A handbag is functional AND stylish. It’s got compartments for everything you might every possibly need plus you look damn good while carrying

Look I get it, it’s functional. No, it’s not really that stylish (unless you’ve decided to pull out all the stops and grab a leather one, in which case - hey) but it’s incredibly practical and it lets you concentrate on getting the grades you want. You’re probably doing well pure-

assortment of things that you ‘might possibly need one day just in case’ but hey, it’s better to be safe than sorry right? If you’re willing to admit that law school has added a small amount of pretentiousness to your personality, then I hold absolutely nothing against you. Keep slaying.

minutes of a seminar digging around in the pits of hell looking for a pen (*cough*totebagpeople*cough*). Good luck with uni. Just remember that it’s okay to live a little sometimes.

DYUM... NO BAG YOU’RE A LITTLE TOO RELAXED ABOUT THIS WHOLE ‘UNIVERSITY’ THING AND, WHILST I ADMIRE YOUR LAIDBACK NATURE, I DO WONDER WHAT YOUR MOTIVES ARE. IS IT SO NO ONE WILL EVER ASK YOU TO PUT ANYTHING IN YOUR BAG FOR THEM? DID YOU JUST GENUINELY FORGET THAT BAGS EXIST? DO YOU ENJOY WALKING AROUND HAVING NO FREE MOVEMENT OF YOUR ARMS? I REALLY HOPE YOUR COMMUTE TO UNI ISN’T TOO LONG BECAUSE I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT I WON’T BE THE ONLY ONE YOU ENCOUNTER ON YOUR JOURNEY WONDERING WHERE THE HECK YOUR BAG WENT.

THE BRIEFCASE I have yet to see anyone in Liggy with an case and it’s a little disheartening. Where is everyone living out their Harvey Specter law school dreams? I would completely commend anyone who I see walking around with a briefcase. Yes, it’s incredibly pretentious. Yes, it’s slightly impractical. Yes, you should use one.

BHOOMIKA TRIVEDI

BETTER CALL SOUL Are you the judge, jury and executor of your dreams by the morning and a victim of procrastination by the night? Are you buried six feet under your deadlines, contemplating why you’re not living the ‘Suits’ life? Forget the TV show, is the fact that your broke self can’t even afford a real suit a horror in itself? Do you progressively get crankier as the library turns into Liggy’s very own Artic? If yes, then you’re in need of a well-deserved day offand what is better than a good ol’ hike with a few ol’ pals? Belair National Park in Adelaide hills has several beautiful trails to offer. Some with kangaroos gracing your path and some with screeching cockatoos scaring the bejesus out of you. One of the most scenic trails there is the waterfall hike. It is a short 6.5 km circuit that can easily be done in 2-3 hours on a good day (if and when the weather here decides to behave). It is a beginner-friendly hike comprising of a number of terrains with wellmarked signposts throughout. The trail is a 40-minute bus ride and a 25-minute car ride from the city.

SOME TIPS: # 1 IT IS AN ESSENTIAL PART OF THE TRAIL TO GET LOST IN THE PARK (COURTESY OF YOUR POOR NAVIGATION SKILLS) TRYING TO FIND YOUR FRIENDS. HENCE, IT’S BEST TO EITHER DECIDE ON A MEETING SPOT BEFORE GOING OR SHARE YOUR LIVE LOCATION WITH EACH OTHER. # 2 MAKE SURE TO GIVE THE ROO RUPAULING THROUGH YOUR WAY THE PHOTOGRAPHIC ATTENTION IT DESERVES BEFORE IT SASHAYS AWAY IN A BLINK. #3 WALK THROUGH THE ECHO TUNNEL. KEEP A TORCH OR A FLASHLIGHT HANDY BECAUSE THE TUNNEL MAY BE DARK BUT YOUR FUTURE ISN’T. AFTER ALL, THERE IS ALWAYS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. #4 CATCH A GLIMPSE OF KOALAS A FEW KILOMETRES BELOW THE TOP. TAKE A BREAK, LOOK AROUND AND WISH TO REINCARNATE AS ONE IN YOUR NEXT LIFE. #5 ONCE YOU REACH THE WATERFALL, PLAY ‘STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM’ AND ENJOY THE SIGHT. UNWIND AND RELAX, BEFORE YOU PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE LAST 2.5 KM STRETCH…BACK TO THE BOTTOM. #6 HYDRATE! HYDRATE! HYDRATE! NOW THAT THE HARD PART IS DONE, LET’S GET TO THE HARDER PART I.E. LAW SCHOOL ITSELF, BUT DON’T FEAR, MY DEAR BECAUSE WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER!

ON WWW.WALKINGSA.ORG.AU

HOW TO:

ANNIE'S INFAMOUS APPLE PIE ANNIE ZHANG

I’ve never been a big fan of baking. Maybe it’s the fact that you actually need to measure the ingredients, or otherwise that delicate oven. Or maybe, derived from my cultural just something more earnest and congenial lamb, butchered the weekend prior. And yet, I fostered an obsessive baking habit throughout the past year as my COVID-19 isolation recourse. ‘Obsessive’ is not used lightly; my habit involves making the same dish or dessert 6 to 7 times until my repulsion grows enough for me to never make it again. From tiramisu, Armenian nutmeg cake, and Shuku Shuku, to orange and cardamom cake, banana bread and polenta loaves, I am now on the 9th rotation of my spiced apple pie. Do you, dear reader, like me, need a quirky hobby to complement your curated corporate drone decorum in a job interview? Mention this pie when ingratiating yourself with the hiring partner! Then segue into the delivery of a carefully timed one-liner about how your prospective from your neurotic 2 am weeknight baking, should they hire you. And should they not, and instead cordially

send you an auto-generated rejection email, this pie recipe will await you at the end of the day. If you decide to make this pie and it serves you well, please do let me know if you see me around, so that we can screech about it in the Ligertwood foyer. ly foul and you regret my debut submission in this issue of the Hilarian, please do not let me know as my feelings cannot deal with negative feedback.

WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY, PLEASE SEE MY RECIPE BELOW. 25

RECIPE FOR ANNIE’S

APPLE PIE INGREDIENTS FOR THE PIE CRUST 2 CUPS (APPROX. 400G) PLAIN FLOUR ¾ CUP (APPROX. 175G) BUTTER, CHILLED 3 TO 6 TABLESPOONS ICE WATER A SPRINKLE OF SALT (JUST A LITTLE) 2 TEASPOONS APPROX. OF SOFTENED BUTTER, TO GREASE THE PAN A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR, TO DUST THE TOP OF THE PIE FOR THE PIE FILLING ½ CUP WHITE SUGAR 3 MEDIUM SIZE APPLES, ANY VARIETY A GENEROUS HEAPED TEASPOON OF CINNAMON AN EQUALLY GENEROUS HEAPED TEASPOON OF NUTMEG (OPTIONAL BUT RECOMMENDED) 1 TABLESPOON (A FEW CUBES) OF MELTED BUTTER

METHOD: Line the bottom of a medium sized

pie dish or cake tin, or whatever ovenpr oof ceramic vessel you have, with baking paper. Alternatively, you can just grease up the base and the sides with a bit of softened butter to coat and set the dish to the side. Whatever works for you and what you have on hand. Next, chop up your chilled butter into little cubes. Dump the flour into a large bowl with

a sprinkle of salt and add in the butter cubes. Now, for the time-consuming part, use your thumbs and fingers to mash all of the little butter cubes into the flour, rubbing the butter into flour. Use your fingertips so that the mixture eventually resembles coarse crumbs, and gradually add in the ice water so that the mixture is combined. Otherwise, your stand mixer can do the same but for less time. If the dough looks a little shaggy, that’s okay. If the dough doesn’t hold together when you clump it, add a little bit more ice water. If it does hold, transfer it onto a floured bench top, work it into a ball, cut it in half, and put it into the fridge for at least 30 minutes. Whilst you wait for your dough to chill, wash your apples and cut away the flesh from the core. You might prefer to peel them first, but I honestly think that keeping the skin on adds more texture to what otherwise will be fibrous mush. Do what you will. Slice the apple pieces relatively thinly into medium sized slices or chunks. Add them to a large bowl, and add in your sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg. No need for sifting, just dump it all in. Give it a good mix with your hands to distribute everything evenly. Let the

apples marinate in the sugar and spices and set the bowl aside. Preheat the oven to 170 degrees Celsius. Go have a cup of tea and finish your lecture while you wait for your dough to fully chill before you can retrieve the two balls of dough from the fridge. Roll out one of the balls of dough on a floured bench top as evenly as you can. This will form the crust of the pie. I suggest rolling it from the centre to the edge, turning it by like 90 degrees, repeating the motion until the dough’s surface is large enough to cover the edge of your baking dish by like a centimetre. Place the rolled-out dough over the baking dish and press it down lightly to touch the base and sides of the dish. Leave the overhanging dough to trim later.

Roll out the other ball of dough in the same manner as above. This will form the top of the pie. Once rolled out, leave it on a tray and put it in the fridge. If you’re feeling extra, you can slice the rolled-out dough into long strips with at least a few the length of roughly the diameter of your dish, so as to recreate the woven lattice top (see image).

to create a lattice pattern, lay the cut strips of dough over each other in an ‘under over’ fashion. Press down the rolled-out dough forming the top of the pie onto the excess on the edges of the dough forming the crust of the pie. Using a knife, carefully trim the excess. Crimp the edges with your fingers for decorative effect or use a fork to achieve another look. Brush the melted butter of the top of the pie and sprinkle on some sugar if desired. Put the pie in the oven for around 30 minutes, until the top is golden brown. Once cooked, let the pie cool a little for around 10 minutes before cutting, so as to maintain its structural integrity but still letting you enjoy pie hot from the oven. Take a few photos of your pie from the most aesthetically pleasing angle and post it on your Instagram story. Take a moment to relish in the envy of your followers. Cut generous slices of the pie and lightly dust with icing sugar, though this is optional. Serve with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream or enjoy the pie by itself.

Retrieve your sliced apple mixture from the bowl, draining any liquid, and fill the pie with the apple filling. Even it out so that the filling lies flat and there are no large gaps throughout. Retrieve the rolled-out dough in the fridge and gently lay it over the filling in the dish. Cut a little cross in the middle of the pie top to release pressure when baking. If you want

THE

P R O C R A S T I N AT O R Everything you need to help you actively avoid doing your work. Playlists, Style Inspo, Horoscopes and Crosswords, Entertainment Guides and Restaurant Reviews (both cheap eats and slightly more spenny).

PARTY PLAYLIST

As the second in our series of Spotify sensations, IKHWAN FAZLI has given up precious pre-exam study hours to listen to 1 hour and 43 minutes loops of The Hilarian’s party playlist. Designed for you to ‘press play’ at the first Pres post-Semester One, enjoy your well deserved freedom with these absolute classics. Included here are some the favourites in the playlist...

FOLLOW THIS LINK

Access the playlist on your Spotify app or website via this QR code.

FLAMIN’ HOTTIE

ALL NIGHT FT. KNOX FORTUNE

KISS ME MORE

Megan Thee Stallion

Chance the Rapper ft. Knox Fortune

SZA and Doja Cat in a song you’ve probably never heard before.

IT’S RAINING MEN

RUNAWAY BABY

HUMBLE.

The Weather Girls

Bruno Mars

Kendrick Lamar

$ BODRI’S HUNGARIAN ARTISAN BAKERY

By William Barker

B R E A K FA S T AT B O D R I S FRESHLY BAKED TRADITIONAL HUNGARIAN PASTRIES A V A I L A B L E D A I L Y F R O M T H E C E N T R A L M A R K E T . Ratings: A M B I E N C E */10 TASTE 9/10 DIVERSITY 5/10 COST 7/10 SERVICE 8/10

It’s a pity Bodri’s has to share its dining space with the rest of the Central Market Arcade. That to enjoy its food you have to sample the tangy odour of the fish markets, conspicuously closed shops and hearing people bark how much money they want to send abroad at the foreign currency exchange. Bodri’s Hungarian Artisan Bakery & Café (artisan in every way) deserves its own four walls because it’s worth braving the less than glamorous surroundings. The menu here is mostly pastries. The only items able to make a full lunch on their own are the langallo and grilled sandwich. But I suspect I’d have to go to Budapest to have anything like it. Most of the pastries I’d never heard of. There’s also chimney cakes, which I’ve only eaten once before in Prague. Before she brought out my langallo and sweet ricotta pocket, the woman who served me came to my table to confirm I wanted the pastry after my meal. Out of habit I asked her to bring it all at once. She then asked me if I would like some water, even thought I’d earlier declined to order a drink. I’m glad I accepted this offer. A lunch without liquid to sip in between bites is too short and dry. She wasn’t just considerate. Her knowledge of proper dining made me feel like a barbarian. The langallo had everything a pizza has but better. The veggies and meat blended together in the creamy warmth of the cheese. They were cooked on soft bread with a thin, toasted crust. My sweet ricotta pocket was a blanket of pastry with its ends were folded up like a present over fresh cheese dotted with raspberries— the sweetness of which fell on my tongue and gums like lavender settling in the air. The pastry was thick but soft. It wasn’t like eating paper, but I didn’t have to tear it apart with my teeth either. The raspberries were moist enough to be fresh. Maybe they were. I got all this for $17.95. It would have been slightly more if I’d ordered my usual cup of tea. But I imagine it would have been worth it.

*Editor’s Note: this was written before Bodris’ unforunate closure of its Adelaide Arcade location - they’re in the midst of finding new premises, so your cake cravings will have to wait until a new location is sourced.

AULSS

ERE:

MOVIES

NEVE T A R TH

DESIGNATED

SURVIVOR

TRAILER RATING: 4/5 KIRBY J DISSENTS It is the year 2026 and the AULSS is about to kick start a year of fantastic events, competitions and opportunities for law students. explosion wipes out the entire AULSS Committee except for the Director of Social Justice who was the AULSS’ designated survivor, and thus told not to be present, for that meeting.

attack due to bitterness of gradually declining enrolments. Julia is pressured by law students to launch retaliatory special performance order injunctions against Flinders in the Supreme Court, while others think a more bloodthirsty ‘hands on’ approach is needed. What will Julia do in the circumstances? In addition, the Faculty of Arts, Business, Law, and Economics has taken the opportunity during the crisis to press for cuts to the Law School’s budget. Can Julia successfully unite the Law School to oppose the cuts? All the while, she is dogged by political challenges from rival executive members elected in the special elections. The new Vice President is eager to watch her fail so that he can challenge for the leadership and become President himself. Will she navigate the choppy world of law school politics or will she succumb to impeachment? with great challenges. Does she do what is fair, what is popular, or just do her Admin assignment?

In line with changes passed to the AULSS Constitution in 2024 to provide for the continuity of governance in case of emergency, the Director of Social Justice & Equity Julia Turner, as 8th in the line of succession, is duly sworn in as President of the AULSS. responsible for the destruction of the northern side of Ligertwood while also managing all the events and activities of the Society until special elections could be held. It is eventually discovered that it was the Flinders University Law Students Society that was responsible for the

BY FELIX ELDRIDGE

EXCHANGE SPECIALTY COFFEE

LOCATED AT 12/18 VARDON AVE, ADELAIDE SA 5000, EXCHANGE I S T H E I D E A L L O C A T I O N F O R A P R E - L E C T U R E C O F F E E Ratings: AMBIENCE 9/10 TASTE 9/10 DIVERSITY 7.5/10 COST 5/10 SERVICE 7.5/10

one of the best brews in Adelaide’s CBD. Popular amongst early morning commuters and sleep-deprived srtudents alike, Exchange has both indoor and outdoor seating, and, for those who opt for the outdoor option, a parade of aesthetically-pleasing puppies that walk past. We’ve frequented the cafe on a weekly Thursday-morning basis as a pre-lecture pep-up to prepare for the three hour International Humanitarian Law seminar, and we’ve visited on a Sunday morning for brunch. The

Exchange specialty is the Wallace sandwich and its vegetarian equivalent, the Walloumi (halloumi rather than pancetta. Ambience is a solid 9/10 - you could go there with your constant companion (the computer), or with friends and either option is perfectly suitexcellent, and the menu is surprisingly diverse (warm udon bowl for breakfast!?). The cost is probably around average, unfortunately for the uni student, to whom ‘average’ is blindingly expensive.

ENTERTAINMENT GUIDE Christina Akele’s

Handpicked for Law Students It’s that time of the year – just as the assignments pile, the list of unwatched lectures grows, and the increasing dread of impending exams increases – the mid-year break promisingly seems right around the corner. Amid all the stress, it is important to take a break – so we are told. So, as usual, here is a list of must-watch movies and TV shows handpicked for law students, which just might inspire you to keep going, or make you feel a little less guilty about procrastinating (because its “studying”, remember?).

#1 The Castle (1997) This classic Australian comedy is a must-watch. The film follows the Kerrigans, a proud family of humble means, living in suburban Melbourne, who take legal action against the compulsory acquisition of their home, when the airport bordering their property intends to expand. Darryl Kerrigan (Michal Katon) adamantly challenges the acquisition in the Federal Court with the help of his solicitor

Dennis Denuto (Tiriel Mora), who is somewhat incompetent and at times clumsy when it comes to this case in particular. From Dennis Denuto’s argument in court that the acquisition goes against the ‘vibe’ of the Constitution, to the blissfully innocent narration by Dale Kerrigan (Stephen Curry) – the family’s youngest son – who never fails to idolise his father and his ‘accomplishments’, this movie is sure to make you laugh. Although, it is perhaps Darryl’s pride for things like his wife’s cooking (I have never seen someone so impressed by seasoning) and anything his son does (like digging a hole) that will put a smile on your face. Either way, the film’s wholesome storyline that celebrates the underdog and highlights the importance of standing by one’s principles makes this film a must-watch! #2 Anatomy of a Scandal (2022) Many of you are probably aware of this binge-worthy Netflix miniseries that was released a few months ago. The show’s plot takes a few turns (to say the least), but here is a summary: privileged, arrogant, detestable British Tory MP, James Whitehouse (Rupert Friend) becomes embroiled in a scandal when the media

reveals that he has been having an affair with a colleague, Olivia Lytton (Naomi Scott). Despite all, James’ equally privileged but perhaps more sympathetic wife, Hannah (Sienna Miller), decides to stand by him despite his infidelity – but everything changes when James is accused of rape by Olivia and must face trial. Interestingly, the show focuses on the experiences of three female characters: Hannah Whitehouse, Olivia Lytton, and assiduous barrister, Kate Woodcroft QC (Michelle Dockery) who prosecutes the trial. The show has a terrific cast and a gripping script, exploring themes such as power and the question of legal consent in sexual assault trials. Side note: for all those Jane Austen fans (myself included), you will quickly realise that James Whitehouse is played by the actor who played George Wickham in the 2005 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. So, if you were wondering what a modern Wickham might look like, then you will find him sitting in a British courtroom in this show.

#3 The Dropout (2022) So, this show might not be a legal thriller or be ‘law-related’, but I believe it deserves a spot on this issue’s list. The show explores the true story of the infamous entrepreneur Elizabeth Holmes (Amanda Seyfried), who founded the company ‘Theranos’. Holmes believed that her company, which undertook blood-testing with a simple drop of blood, would revolutionise healthcare, and make it more accessible to the public. The problem: the machines did not and could not read the blood samples accurately. The show depicts Holmes’ life as a college student at Stanford (where she later dropped out), Theranos’ beginnings, the way in which Holmes deceived wealthy, powerful investors – not to mention the public, all the way to her inevitable downfall, and that of her bio-tech company (which had become worth billions of dollars). Amanda Seyfried’s performance is incredible as she nails Holmes’ mannerisms, especially her intense lifeless stares (which are nothing short of sinister), and her notorious deep, baritone voice which changes over the course of the series. This show is absolutely worth a watch.

Everything the modern Liggy Law Student needs to know about their future profession. We’ve compiled content from our wonderful professors, have examined some genuinely bizarre pieces of legislation and looked at the most recent legal news.

the lawyer

CELEBRITY CASES

D E P P v. HEARD By Netra Ramkumar

ON TODAY’S EPISODE OF “I KEEP SEEING THESE PEOPLE ON MY FYP AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON”: JOHNNY DEPP’S LAWSUIT AGAINST AMBER HEARD. OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS, I HAVE BEEN ASSAILED BY SO MANY BITE-SIZED EDITS OF COURTROOM INTERACTIONS THAT “HEARSAY” DOESN’T SOUND LIKE A REAL WORD ANYMORE, BUT I STILL KNOW LITTLE TO NOTHING ABOUT THE ACTUAL CASE. AND SO, BECAUSE I’M BORED AND PROCRASTINATING ON MY EQUITY CASE STUDY, I DID THREE-ODD HOURS OF RESEARCH SO EVERYONE ELSE WOULDN’T NEED TO.

To begin with, the trial started with Depp suing Heard for defamation. This followed an op-ed Heard wrote in 2018 for The Washington Post titled “I spoke up against sexual violence — and faced The piece does not mention Depp by name, but in it Heard mentions having become a figure “representing domestic article; around the same time that she was granted a temporary restraining order against Depp following her file for divorce. Coincidence? Depp certainly doesn’t think so. And, if his claims that the article impacted his career are anything to judge by, the public didn’t think so either. So, bringing it back to the present: in early 2019, Depp sued Heard for $50 million in compensatory damages, claiming that her allegations were incorrect, and that she was in fact the perpetrator of abuse in their relation-

ship. In 2020, Heard filed a $100 million countersuit against him in response, accusing him of launching a “smear camdelayed due to COVID-19, commenced this April 2022 and concluded in June. Now, this case, which has been subject to very significant public debate since its start, concerns some really heavy topics. As such, I can’t actually offer much in terms of opinions. Regardless of the many jokes and avidly entertained spectators the trial has garnered—a grimly voyeuristic phenomenon, but one I lack the time or space to unpack in this article—it remains to be about a horrifying case of potential domestic abuse, and the ongoing discourse is a testament to the complexity of the facts. So instead, let’s talk about notable aspects. Here are some of the highlights of this trial, handpicked by yours truly. The settlement donations: Upon reaching an out-of-court divorce settlement in 2016, Heard pledged to donate her $7 million settlement to charity, dividing it between the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) and the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles. However, during Heard’s cross-examination in Day 16 of the trial, she admitted to not having done this yet. Camille Vasquez, Depp’s attorney, questioned Heard about a statement she made in an interview in 2018 asserting that she had donated the entire settlement to charity. Heard confirmed that the statement was correct. Moments later, Vasquez confronted her on not having actually made these donations yet, and a short discussion ensued regarding the difference between a pledge and the act of actually donating. Ultimately, Vasquez buckled

down and asked Heard straightforwardly to verify that she had, as of the time of the cross-examination, not paid her settlement to charity. Heard affirmed this, stating that she had “not been able ter of whether the conflicting statements made during her 2018 interview and the recent 2022 cross-examination can be simply chalked up to a slip of the tongue or perhaps something more strategic is the topic of heavy debate. The overarching question of why Vasquez lingered so long on such a seemingly trivial topic? Also unanswered. Some speculate that she was trying to weaken Heard’s credibility before the jury.

Underpinning the debate regarding who perpetrated the abuse, one testimony from Heard’s makeup artist stirred attention on social media. Depp has affirmed multiple times under oath that he has never struck Heard or any woman, and a number of past partners—notably including his first wife Lori Anne Allison, ex-fiance Winona Ryder, and ex-partner Vanessa Paradis—supported this statement. There were, however, contrasting statements from others, such as his ex-partner Jennifer Grey, who described him as jealous and ill-tempered. Regardless, on Day 18 of the trial, Heard’s makeup artist, Mélanie Inglessis, described having covered up bruises and a split lip on Heard’s face in 2015, when Heard and Depp were still together. In a similar vein, Heard’s acting coach Kristy Sexton described how Heard would be and that for the last year that Heard and Depp were together, 80 or 90 percent of their sessions “began with [Heard]

before: the actor sued The Sun for defamation in 2020, following an article published by the newspaper calling him a “wife addressing the discussions on social media regarding the sincerity of Heard’s tears during trial. These constitute only a few of the numerous statements given by those who have been close to Depp and Heard, most of which remain varied and at odds. A hidden intention? While both celebrities’ reputations have almost certainly taken a hit since this entire matter began, the crux of the lawsuit lies in Depp’s assertion that Heard has defamed him by depicting him as an abuser. However, spectators have been quick to point out that Depp has already tried this shtick

he gain from this lawsuit if he lost this one too? Well, some speculate that Depp’s goal was never to win the case. Rather, they assert that he intentionally pursued a public trial in an attempt to make his voice heard and turn public favour his way, regardless of the outcome of the case. If this really is a tactic he is pursuing, it may very well have succeeded: since the beginning of the trial, public opinion seems to have shifted overwhelmingly in favour of Depp, with fans from around the world rallying to support him; even some who had initially stood behind Heard. As of the current circumstances, it is arguable that Depp would have walked away with strong backing from the general public even if he had lost the case against Heard. Of course, public opinion is perpetually subject to change, and further developments may result in this support being withdrawn just as quickly as it was given back, considering the volatile nature of social media stances. So what now? Well, this trial has been concluded in Depp’s favour, but Heard has since publicly expressed her intentions to pursue an appeal. At the current point in time, public opinion is mixed. While there does seem to be a general favour of Depp, some remain starkly in Heard’s favour, and others posit that both are at fault. There have also been, intriguingly, some shifts in opinion away from Depp in the wake of the trial verdict. As the appeal develops, we’ll just have to wait and see.

REJECTION LETTER

Being the benevolent editors we are, here is a prime example of

Scary, Impressive & Intimidating Attorneys Thank You For Your Application hopeless-and-unemployed@lawstudent.com.au humanresources@scary-impressive-and-intimidating-attorneys.com

Dear Applicant (we don’t care enough to remember your name), Clerkship Program - 2022/23

We have received a large volume of applications and were impressed by the outstanding

Whilst we were looking for penultimate year law students, we also require our clerks to have

In reading your application, it became apparent to us that we don’t want to meet you to

Kind regards,

By Rafik Gayed

CAREER IDEAS TODAY’S JOB MARKET DEMANDS LAW GRADUATES WITH SUPERIOR LEGAL TRAINING AND A SOLID FOUNDATION OF PROFESSIONAL SKILLS AND WORKPLACE SAVVY. I REMEMBER FROM MY FIRST TWO YEARS HOW DIFFICULT IT WAS TO PREPARE FOR THIS. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE CURRENTLY FACING THIS ISSUE, HERE ARE SOME POTENTIAL CAREER IDEAS THAT YOU COULD CONSIDER:

Community Legal Service Consists of giving clients legal advice, representation and education. Legal advisors operate a free telephone helpline. It’s a way of ensuring equal access to representation for all citizens and involves informing individuals/groups about their legal rights and obligations. SOME LOCAL LEGAL AID CLINICS INCLUDE: JusticeNet, Northern Community Legal Service Inc, Roma Mitchell Community Legal Centre, Westside Lawyers and the Women’s Legal Service. In your later years you should consider applying for the Adelaide Law School Free Legal Clinics programs.

Management Consulting Assists organisations, including businesses, government bodies and notfor-profits. Projects will usually last for a number of weeks. Problem-solving skills are required through formulating tailor-made solutions for each respective client. SOME STUDENT CONSULTING FIRMS INCLUDE: You could consider applying for Adelaide University’s branch of 180 Degrees Consulting Adelaide, which is the world’s largest university-based consultancy. Since 2017, they have worked together with local social impact organisations such as Minda Inc and Foodbank SA.

Non-Governmental Organisations Presents an invaluable opportunity for career and personal growth. Great chance to show future employers where you stand out from others. Opportunities in Adelaide and internationally. Fantastic-learning experience to create genuine connections. Relates to real-world problems, even in the international sphere SOME NON-GOVERNMENTAL ORGANISATIONS INCLUDE: NGO opportunities in Adelaide include the Women’s Legal Service, Southern Community Justice Centre, Aboriginal Legal Rights Movement and Jus-

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