Editor-In-Chief & Divination Dept Head Starflashfairy Gryffindor Managing Editor NDoraTonks Hufflepuff Managing Editor L-ily Ravenclaw Managing Editor Eldis_ Slytherin Managing Editor Im_Finally_Free Production Manager KackelDackel Production Assistants Team-Hufflepuff Anne_Seelman Permagrinfalcon Web-Wizard Oomps62 Archives wiksry Payroll Marx0r Art Dept Head Sinsational Doom Castles & Burrows Dept Head blxckfire
Classifieds L-ily Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies Dept Head Mathias_Greyjoy Dark Arts Dept Head VinumCupio Education Dept Head Starboost3 Entertainment Dept Head myoglobinalternative Fashion Dept Head Siriuslywinchester Magical Plants & Creatures Dept Head Ryan814 News & Features Dept Head Rysler Sports Dept Head lordpugtato Travel Dept Head mrsvanchamarch
dakeirhtnanbe
eufnaheyahdneiehen
ytodpdjebaotjeo The Editors Deskq
k s e D ’s r o t i d E e h T From rflash (Fall 2019) the Desk of Madam Sta ! Greetings, dear Readers
is our ibbler! I can’t believe th Qu e Th of ue iss h nt by! I’ve been Welcome to the thirtee e time has simply flown Th . on iti ed ry rsa -ve ler so many third Quibb w. In that time, I’ve Seen no ars ye l ful ree th for Editor-in-Chief ecurity” trolls that have attempt to teach the “s to d ce for s wa I at th g time now how fires ation Tower for a very lon vin Di de tsi ou t ou ing had already been hang you were wondering, I se ca (In . ell sp i nt me less to use the Agua and I knew it was a point t ou rk wo n’t uld wo it Seen that s rolling in, there are no submission endeavor, but hey, when mehow!) you’ve gotta kill time so gone two oud of my staff. We’ve pr so I’m ly, us rio se t Bu rking complaints of “unfair wo whole months without yee plo for a janitor for the em conditions” or requests es. In d a suspicious lack of fir ha o als ’ve We . om ro th ba en too out it, the staff have be fact, now that I think ab quiet all season… wonderful magaeveryone who made this to ks an th of al de t ea und as usual, I I owe a gr not as big this time aro it’s ow kn I ile wh d an zine possible, love it. know you’re all going to May Fortune smile upon
you! n-Chief
itor-i ~Madam Starflash, Ed
Madam Starflash
THE QUIBBLER: NO. 34857 OCTOBER 2019 THIS ISSUE OF THE QUIBBLER WAS CREATED, WRITTEN, PRODUCED AND REVIEWED BY THE HOGWARTS STAFF AT /R/THEQUIBBLER. THIS ISSUE FEATURES ARTICLES THAT EXPOSE THE TRUTH. SELLING OVER 1,500,000 COPIES WITH OVER 29,000 DIFFERENT ISSUES, WE ARE THE WIZARDING WORLD’S ALTERNATIVE VOICE AND REASON SINCE 1989. WE THANK YOU FOR READING AND PURCHASING OUR SMALL INDEPENDENT NEWS MAGAZINE
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Welcome to OUR BRAND NEW issue of the Quibbler. Below is an overview of everything you can find in this All new edition of the Quibbler! We hope you find the experience Both enlightening and entertaining! THE BIGGEST STORIES FROM THE
FRONTPAGE:
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Interview with a Vampire
Unveiling the Often Misunderstood Undead
Spell Check
You Can't Spell Without it!
Chudley Cannons Debut New Uniform Just about the only thing that looks good on them.
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BREAKING NEWS:
jfjsdjwfksfkljklwenjkfnzwdiewghiorndgknakflenifnsdnakhwroiuwehdnmd, Castles and Burrows. .............................................6
news and features.................................................90
crafts, brews,
& Hobbies........................................7
Sports. ................................................................. 100
dark arts................................................................ 18
Travel.................................................................. 107
Divination.............................................................26
horoscopes. .........................................................
Education. ............................................................30
Classifieds............................................................111
Entertainment. ....................................................34
Auror Logs.......................................................... 112
Fashion..................................................................70 Magical Plants and Creatures............................77
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Editor-In-Chief: Starflashfairy Managing Editors: Im_Finally_Free, L-ily, NDoraTonks, Eldis_ Administration: Marx0r, Oomps62, Wiksry Layout and Design: KackelDackel, Team-Hufflepuff, Anne_ Seelman, Permagrinfalcon Art: Sinsational Doom Castles & Burrows: blxckfire Classifieds: L-ily Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies: Mathias_Greyjoy Dark Arts: VinumCupio Divination: Starflashfairy Education: Starboost3 Entertainment: myoglobinalternative Fashion: Siriuslywinchester Magical Plants & Creatures: Ryan814 News & Features: Rysler Sports: lordpugtato Travel: mrsvanchamarch Contributors: Anne_seelmann,
Armyprivateoctopus99, AvidRader 182, blxckfire, COOL_GROL, Eldis_, Enovara, KackelDackel, l-ily, MakerTInkerBakerEtc, meddleofmycause, midnightdragon, mrsvanchamarch, permagrinfalcon, Prominis, Rhia1, ruassianclogger3, silvertail8, starflashfairy, Strigidae01500, Team-Hufflepuff, TripoutStarships, wiksry
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recipes for a fall harvest brunch
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Photo credit: midnightdragon
Delicous Demons
Cake decorating for Halloween and other spooky events By: anne_seelmann
H
ere is a small guide to make your Halloween guests really uncomfortable as soon as you bring out dessert. Forget cute little ghost-shaped marshmallows or adorable candy corn coloured creations. Follow me into this dark corner of the kitchen, let me introduce you to Christine McConnell. She is a wickedly talented artist and baker who is inspired by the 1950s and never really bought into the girls-are-cute business. What’s more, is that her work isn’t the product of fancy french baking schools but rather years of research and practice with a pinch of passion for magic. In the spirit of McConnell’s do-it-yourself attitude, we’ll recreate some of my personal favourites. The Glaring Eye We start with a brownie. Any recipe will do, of course. Even a cake mix is fine! Some advice from a professional baker: prepare the cake mix with water instead of milk and melted butter instead of oil for most delicious results. I also discovered that caramel bits sprinkled on top of the brownie mixture will bubble up in the oven for an extra creepy look. Before decorating, let the brownies cool down all the way to room temperature, otherwise they will fall apart. The eyeball is formed out of white fondant. Be careful not to make it too large, since more than half of the ball will be sunken into your brownie and might cause it to fall apart in the process. To roll a near perfectly round ball, use the palms of your hands, not the fingers, and roll the fondant in between until you are satisfied. Set your eyeballs aside where they can’t roll off. Wooden
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cutting boards tend to have a groove that is just perfect - I wondered what those were good for anyway. Now, melt some chocolate. You will need some dark chocolate for the pupils and lids. A lid should be darker or the same colour as the surrounding area to look realistic. For the iris of the eye, you have several options. With food colouring and white chocolate you have the rainbow at your fingertips. A bit of milk chocolate will do though, as long as you get a little contrast in. Make sure the chocolate is quite liquid, then dunk a butter knife into it so that only a dash of chocolate clings to it, then carefully drizzle a bit on your fondant ball. Take your time here and don’t rush. For perfect results you want to have the iris dried completely before you continue with the pupil, then let this dry and cool again before assembling. For the final look, cut your brownies into pieces, and cut lightly into the middle to make some space for the eyeball. Now carefully place your eyeball so that at least half of it is sunken into the cake. Fresh fondant is quite soft and can lose its roundness when picking it up. Consider chilling or freezing it, especially if it’s a warm day. Once Photo credit: midnightdragon
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the eyeball is in place, we need melted dark chocolate again. You can always reheat chocolate and melt it again if you need. This time we need the chocolate to be a little thicker, so cool it down while stirring until it has the consistency of honey. Then use a small spoon, pick up some chocolate and let it run off the spoon covering a third of the eyeball. You need an upper and lower lid, so simply repeat the process. The placement of the lids determines the expression, have fun exploring different looks! If you really want to take it a step further, you can. Eyes are usually wet and shiny. There are several ways to achieve that look. One of the easiest might be a dash of oil or shortening brushed over the surface, preferably one that doesn’t have a strong taste. Other options are gum arabic or egg whites. Reviews: “I don’t like my food staring back at me!” “This is too creepy, I need to pick it off.” “That’s way too realistic!” “Ewwww!” The Snapping Strawberry This article might be more about presentation than taste but since we’re working with strawberries I would recommend the following flavour profile: fresh strawberries, dark chocolate, cream cheese frosting, vanilla muffin base. Even a store-bought muffin will do fine. The frosting is just a mix of cream cheese, butter and powdered sugar, so I’d just quickly make it myself. It will be a bit runny right after mixing though, so I would recommend chilling it a little before assembling. Start with teeth if you are crazy like me and make them out of fondant because you don’t have any piping gear. Take the tiniest bit of fondant and roll it to a pointy end. Place your tiny
fondant teeth on a plate and freeze them. Take your strawberries and with a sharp knife cut a wedge into them. It should be large enough to somehow later put tiny teeth into them with your fingers, so be generous. Then melt some dark chocolate to cover the mouth area. If your Photo credit: anne_seelman chocolate is too runny at this point it will slide right off the strawberry, so take your time. We need the chocolate to be sticky but not runny to put our teeth in. Best to let the strawberries sit a few minutes before handling them again. Now assemble like some wicked and twisted kind of dentist. Your teeth will probably be way too long or too big. Just cut and shape your fondant as you go and sink the teeth into the chocolate going from one side to the other. Starting in the middle makes everything so much harder and you’ll seriously question the size and clumsiness of your fingers at some point. Leave the toothy strawberries to dry completely. Then cover your muffins with some chilled frosting and place one strawberry on top. Depending on their size you might fit more but it’s a slippery slope. Reviews: “Omg, that’s so delicious, I can’t stop eating them!” “They remind me of those flowers from Super Mario.” “That’s adorable!” Find more curious creations like these on Christine McConnell’s Instagram. I might go try to make that brioche snail next time.
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[The All Hallows Eve Desk]
* This may also decrease the value of your property so we would recommend this option only if you are absolutely desperate to rid yourself of small children who ask politely for candy and treats.
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ASK MADAM
Do YOU have burning questions for our resident Seer and fairy, Madam Starflash? Got yourself in a relationship with a Vampire and don’t know if it’s going to work out? Debating on using a love potion on your biggest crush? Have a bully you’d love to get rid off? Don’t hesitate to ask! Madam Starflash ALWAYS has the right answer for you! Contact her in Divination Tower at /r/TheQuibbler now with your desperate questions! 26
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How To DealhWooitlhJitters c S o T Back
by Eldis_
For the first years, don’t worry too much about picking the right carriage on the train. Just look around if you see anyone around your age, and ask if you can sit with them! Bonus points if they happen to wear a scarf from that one Quidditch team you support. If you grew up in a wizarding family, don’t hesitate to approach a particularly clueless looking new student, they might be a muggleborn that would love to have you as their guide! Or, if you’re a muggleborn, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone that looks a bit more at ease to ask questions! Within no time you will have bonded over magical candy, and you might have even started your own Chocolate Frog Card Collection! What is that, you ask? Well, don’t ask me, ask your new friend!
Not sure how to start a conversation? Ask someone to help you with your trunk! People love feeling helpful and feeling like they are saving you, so any decent person will immediately jump into action and from there on the conversation starts! Image sources: pexels.com and freepik.com
Of course, there is no guarantee that this newfound friend will end up in the same Hogwarts House as you. Don’t you worry too much about that and don’t hesitate to keep in contact even if you do get separated. You will share plenty of classes, and for the ones you don’t it’s great to have an out-ofhouse friend, so you can compare notes! Don’t just use them as a study buddy though, the Hogwarts Castle and Grounds are great for exploring together, so go out and make some memories! Meanwhile, do try to make friends within your house. If your buddy happened to get sorted in the same house as you, great! But don’t put all your dragon eggs in one wooden house. Make friends with the people you share your dorm with! Talk to some secondyears, ask them about the teachers you will have. Go to the Quidditch matches to cheer on your team! And during the classes when you’re allowed to work in teams, don’t hesitate to chat a little! Just make sure that during the more precise courses, like Potions, you do continue to pay attention to what you are doing. I would recommend Charms as a course to catch up with your
friends and make new ones, as the class is usually quite noisy and Professor Flitwick is an allround good guy. If you’re a returning student, however, you have already gone through all this without our help. Congratulations for surviving that! Now, it’s time to catch up with the friends you have already made. Find them on the train, ask them about their holiday and let them speak! Nod enthusiastically and ask further prompting questions, but don’t cut in to tell your own story. Only when they ask you
about your holiday are you allowed to start talking about it, but try to keep it shorter than their story and make it connect back to them so they can continue talking. Recommended sentences are ‘But that’s not nearly as much fun as you had. Wait, did you say you went to/did …..’ ‘I went to [place], have you ever been there?’ (if they answer affirmative, ask them about their experiences!) ‘You said you went [action that you have also once done in the past], how did it go? Did you struggle with [thing about this action you found difficult]?’ Make sure you don’t talk too little about yourself, you don’t want to come over as trying to hide something! Other recommended topics to discuss are: which courses they are looking forward to, what kinds of food they hope will be on the opening feast tonight, if they found any new Chocolate Frog Cards or if they saw the Weasley Wizard Wheezes’ Back to School collection. Good, now you have reconnected with your friends! Take a thestraldrawn carriage together with them and, if they are in your house, sit next to them at the feast. Continue the conversations! Within no time it will be just like old times. Returning to Hogwarts but no friends to reunite with? Find your classmates or dormmates in the train and chat with them! You can use the same tips and tricks as above, and it will even be easier! You know less about these people, as you weren’t friends to begin with, so there is more to ask! People love talking to themselves. If all else fails, you can always pretend you’ve got friends at a different wizarding school. Any and all subscribers to The Quibbler
can always send an Owl to the Editors explaining their situation. As long as you keep owling letters we’ll make sure we send replies, so it seems like you do have people to talk to! This service is completely free, although it cost two sickles if you want us to use exotic birds. With all these tips, however, this service will probably not be necessary, as you are sure to make some wonderful friends! The Ministry Of Interliving Spirit
W
e all know the feeling: the entire summer holiday you had the chance to relax and travel or do nothing, but before you know it that ruddy Hogwarts owl arrives with your list of books, you take a trip to Diagon Alley and you’re sitting on the edge of your bed surrounded by halfpacked stuff because you’re taking the train to Hogwarts tomorrow. And then the nerves kick in because it’s a new year, and your friends haven’t written as often as you thought they would, or it’s your first year and you’re not quite sure if you will make friends in the first place. Well, don’t you worry, for The Quibbler is here to help you out.
Ties (M.O.I.S.T.) has asked us to remind you that Ghosts, too, need friends, and that they are truly wonderful to be around. They have experienced so much, they are full of wonderful stories! The House Ghosts of Hogwarts are also great at helping you keep out of trouble. Now, stop worrying and start packing, tomorrow is a big day!
QUIBBLER ENTERTAINMENT Ah, glorious fall. The leaves are changing, school is back in session, and it’s no longer deadly hot outside. But do you know what the best part of fall is? That’s right, it’s Halloween! Why don’t you gather round your friends, turn off the lights, and play this spooky Halloween edition of Would You Rather! So without further ado:
Would You Rather… Be a vampire or a werewolf? Go trick or treating or TP a house? Have the best costume or the best decorated house? Get a small amount of your favorite candy or a large amount of your least favorite candy? Spend the night in a graveyard or a haunted house? Trick all of your teachers or be treated to no homework? Eat all of your candy or sell all of it? Stay at home watching a scary movie or be out trick or treating? Haunt the world as a ghost or cause mischief as a poltergeist?
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by blxckfire
Lose your hand in a noble battle or break an arm in a cowardly fight? Die in an embarrassing manner or a painful one? Scare everyone in your house or prank all of your teachers? Sleep in a coffin or spend the night in the Forbidden Forest? Earn all of your candy by trick or treating or buy it all on sale the next day? Be possessed by a dark wizard or have your dolls come to life and haunt you? Watch a horror movie alone at night or have a friend tell you a scary story? See something scary outside your window or under your bed?
Trick or treat?
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Puff’s Puzzle Pad By: Team-Hufflepuff
The Forgotten Lullaby
Hagrid decided to clean out his hut, and came across an old piece of music hiding under his bed. Can you help him figure out the lyrics to this old, forgotten lullaby?
Potter’s Potion Disaster
Madam Pomfrey is about to panic. These students came in showing signs of potion overdose, but she can’t get a clear picture of who took which potion when. Can you help her sort through their statements? 1. Harry admitted which potion he took his potion immediately, but seemed to regret it as soon as the statement left his mouth. He didn’t take his potion today. 2. No Gryffindors took Polyjuice potion. 3. The Weasley’s took potions on Wednesday and Thursday. 4. Hermione was still acting like she was under a love potion, but she was slipped her potion 4 days ago. 5. Whoever took Felix Felicis took his potion on Thursday. 6. Today is Friday.
Think you have the answer? Check your work by scanning this QR code! This is a preview of the kind of puzzles we release for /r/Arithmancy! Join the fun and solve puzzles with your house!
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QUIBBLER ENTERTAINMENT
A List of Frightening Muggle Haunted Fun Houses for a Wizard's Enjoyment
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*Currency conversion chart for Dragots to American Dollars
... then there's this list of attractions, where jump scares are child’s play and robe wetting is commonplace.
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Donation-based (a.k.a. FREE) Nashville, TN and Huntsville, AL
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to use Blackout Haunted House to reform Dark Witches and Wizards...
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1. Where did the vast majority of Dumbledore's possessions get left to after he died? 2. What job did Mary Cattemole's parents have? 3. Which planet did Ronan comment on being particularly bright, when he met Hagrid, Harry, and Hermione in the forbidden forest? 4. What is the incantation to reveal invisible ink? 5. Kingsley Shacklebolt has been feeding the ministry information that Sirius Black was in what country? 6. Which Hogwarts House was the girl from that was first to ask Harry to the Yule Ball? 7. What is the name of the most powerful truth potion? 8. What is the incantation to create a splint and bandage?
9. What color is Ron's Weasley Sweater every year? 10. Professor Umbridge had Harry do lines with a special quill of what color? 11. What was the name of the small kid playing with his father’s wand to enlarge a slug at the Quidditch World Cup? 12. What position does Ron have in SPEW? 13. What was the name of the Death Eater that Snape encountered outside of the Malfoy Manor, at the beginning of the 7th book? 14. What was the main course for dinner, the night that Harry blew up his aunt? 15. What wood was Lily Evan's wand made out of?
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MEDDLEOFMYCAUSE James Potter and the Giant Jack O'Lantern
28 Godric’s Hollow
OCTOBER 2009
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KngfooPanda Illustrated by anne_seelmann
Hold onto your hats readers! The Quibbler is charmed to inform its readers of the latest ‘All Hallows evening’ costume party trend taking the wizarding world by storm, and it is set to blow you away. Inspired by England’s favourite ‘fashion-witcha’; Cumuloni Nimbus* (the famous Metamorphmagus and MOM registered Animagus), weather and animal related metamorphing and transfiguration is very ‘in’ this year. Miss Nimbus was quoted as saying that this “innovative choice of appearance honours the age-old tradition of costuming to ward off ghosts”. The All Hallows Evening first became a hit last year at hallowseve costume feasts, and indeed is scary and enchanting enough to trick ghosts into thinking these Metamorphmagi are fellow spirits. The Gryffindor Ghost - Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington (Commonly known as Nearly Headless Nick) was shown a photo of Miss Nimbus’ cloud inspired ensemble and agreed she did have a “certain ethereal look about her”.
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Other attendees at last year’s Hallows Eve parties attended by Miss Nimbus were particularly enchanted to see the lightning and thunder effects which were some bewitching additions to her lovely cloudy locks. It is rumoured that at this year’s Hogwarts Halloween Feast will students will be allowed to celebrate with ‘costumes’. We look forward to seeing what the students come up with – perhaps something more animalistic, especially given that Miss Nimbus has hinted at something to do with deer (her registered Animagus animal) this year. Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes have already been seen advertising day-long Animagi and Celestial styled transfiguration charms. We at the Quibbler are very hopeful to see some costumes inspired by the miraculous Crumplehorned Snorkack. Wands crossed! *Cumuloni, of course, is the granddaughter of Devlin Whitehorn, founder of the Nimbus Racing broom company, whose son changed surnames to match the prestige of the well-known racing broom.
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Nargles!
Photographic evidence RESEARCH EXPEDITION OPEN CALL FOR DONATIONS 88
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QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES
Politics
with Robert Werewolfley-Boggarton
Issue #1: Hermione Granger Resigns Today! Minister of Magic Hermione Granger refuses to sign the Treaty of Munich as voted for by the people. For readers that have somehow missed the news, the Treaty of Munich is a treaty that if signed will see the UK cut current trade agreements with Germany, France and Italy in order to negotiate freely with other nations.
Some Muggle Studies experts say this is the Wizarding answer to Brexit.
This is due to the fact that relations have been hard to maintain with the UK and the three nations. Some Muggle Studies experts say this is the Wizarding answer to Brexit. Recently, a referendum was hosted in the UK and a very slim majority of the people voted yes to renegotiating the trade deals. As such, Minister Granger, who has always ran on a platform of “For the People� was supposed to sign and convert it into law. But when interviewed on the Wizarding Wireless Network and the American television channel, FOX: Wizarding Edition, Granger said she would "rather resign than sign that damn treaty". Everybody thought that Minister Granger was not serious about resigning but today she gave her formal resignation from politics and made the following speech: "My fellow citizens of the British Wizarding World, it has been a pleasure serving you, but I refuse to sign the Treaty of Munich. I shall not cut any trade amongst our countries as I believe our current arrangement provides the best deal possible. Because I will not do it, I will let another minister take my place. A general election is to be hosted on December 2nd and your future minister will sign the treaty. It has been an honour to serve the nation I love, but I shall now say goodbye."
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She then burst into tears as she walked away from the podium and off the stage. Who will run in the general election: Former Minister of Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt has expressed public interest to serve another term as minister as he believes the country will need a strong, capable leader to negotiate these new trade deals. Sybill Trelawney, previously a divination professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, stated that she wants to enter politics and this is the perfect time to do so. Her detractors say that she is crazy, and although well-meaning, has no connection to the general public and will not be a good leader. Draco Malfoy, suspected former Death Eater, said that he would be beyond happy to sign the Treaty Of Munich as he believes the UK should have no interest in trading with Germany. This has been treated as a ridiculous statement since Germany has been a reliable and trusted partner for many years. Author's opinion:
She then burst into tears as she walked away from the podium and off the stage.
Robert Werewolfley-Boggarton thinks that former Minister Granger, who never expressed interest in being Minister of Magic in her youth, should never have ended up in the position. The author believes that politics are not to be messed with and people like former Minister Granger should find another job. Thank you for reading this article. Issue #2 will be in the winter edition of The Quibbler to discuss election results.
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The Curse of Strahd, Part 1: The Murder House by: midnightdragon
Dear Diary,
It’s day three of our journey. As you recall, the first two days of our journey were not so great. My party, which consists of an elven rogue, a halfling rogue, an elven monk, and a half-elf bard, spent those first days travelling through a forest that was filled with thick fog for most of the day and we decided to rest when it grew dark without setting up any night watches. When we woke all of our belongings were taken and before we left our camp we encountered two more travellers, a fighter and a wizard, who were also robbed of their belongings. Together we formed a new group and tried to walk towards the direction in which we thought the town existed but the only building in sight was a horrid, looming mansion of immense size. No matter what direction we travelled to in order to find the rest of the village, it was there, looming in the mist. Aside from this witchcraft that kept it in our sights, there were many things wrong with this house. But we felt we had no choice but to enter, to rid ourselves of its presence. We have been inside the house for a day. I write in my journal now in what I can only assume is the servants quarters, the beds are all straw and the blankets pathetic and it exists deep down in the bowels of the cellar. Getting to this point has not been easy. While the house is vacant, Art by Mike Schley at mikeschley.com devoid of
natural life, the imprint left behind by the previous owners is ever-present. The ghosts of the children were first seen standing guard outside of the house, the young boy wailing and the sister trying to comfort him. Where they are now, I do not know. I almost suffered an untimely death by a cursed broom in an unsuspecting closet! We discovered the nursemaid's room, an unruly sight compared to the immaculate nature of the mansion, and her own spirit tending to an infant, Walter, who was invisible to the eye but whose wails were heard as if he were wrapped in the empty blankets within the maid’s arms. And we came across who we assume was the master of the house, dead and decaying from a trap made by his own devilish patron. Gwen, the Tabaxi Monk But all is not lost. We’ve Art by Choedan-Kal on Deviant Art managed to salvage some weapons while on our search for the source of evil and have even found a poor, abandoned puppy, whose tags say is named Lancelot. My companion, Fax the bard, has taken a liking to him. However, the encounter we just had not five minutes ago involving caped, invisible cultists has shaken me to the core. I didn’t want to come into this house in the first place but the rest of us felt we had no choice. The battle that occurred with these cultists was ferocious but we ultimately came out victorious...we think. There is still an unspeakable and invisible evil within all the corners of this wretched place so I feel that our work is still unfinished. These servants quarters will be our resting place this night as we heal our wounds and prepare ourselves for an even worse foe.
Dear Diary,
The house has been defeated. We are all alive. But our souls will be scarred forever with the unimaginable horrors that we had to
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face to get to this point. Not an hour after my last diary entry, one of my companions, Illithor, the elven monk, came face to face with a mimic in the form of a door. What should’ve been an easy battle ended up almost killing him. It’s in these moments where we least expect an enemy that we are nearly felled. First the broom, now the door… Behind that door was a room where we found a body hanging from the rafters. But not just a body hanging, we also saw a spirit. The lady of the house. Elizabeth Durst. You might be asking, dear diary, how we know her full name. Her image, corporeal and vicious, was staring straight at us. Svea, the elf rogue, tried Svea, the Shadar-kai Rogue to talk to Elizabeth, to Art by Kyoung Hwan Kim on Artstation get information. But it is obvious that while we assumed the decaying Master of the house was the individual who brought the evil upon this household, it was actually Elizabeth who held all the power. Rather than being interested in helping us, she was instead hell-bent on ridding us of this house and keeping us from her possessions, locked in a trunk at the foot of her bed. So we had no choice but to destroy her. And destroy her we did. While she wasn’t exactly alive, she had enough of a physical body which made it easier to attack her. Svea, ever the conversationalist, managed to deal the killing blow while yelling at her “I’m gonna steal your shit!” And steal we did. Within the footlocker, we found an everuseful bag of holding and a suicide note from her husband who we now realize is the body hanging from the rafters. So the body upstairs, dead from the trap, must have been Elizabeth’s. Deeper we went until we arrived at an empty chamber with a stone dais in the centre, a foot’s worth of water throughout. Within it, we could hear chanting, disembodied voices of worshippers come to witness our demise.
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Suddenly they appeared around the chamber, surrounding the stone dais, hoods drawn over empty voids, their ghostly hands clutching torches of black fire. The chanting got louder and more frantic, saying “one must die, one must die…” Our bold Bard, Fax, went up to the raised dais in the middle of the room, ready to sacrifice himself if needed to appease the chanting, to put a stop to the madness, to give his party members a chance at survival if it meant the house would stop tormenting us. But when his conviction wavered, he took a step off the dais and immediately it triggered the release of the most awful and terrible monster I have ever seen in my life. I have no name for it, but out of the corner of the room, from the depths of the water a gigantic shambling mound of seaweed, bones, and all sorts of refuse took form. Brave Fax, the closest of us to this monstrosity, tried slashing it. But it did not slow down our foe. Our fearless fighter, Branford, ran right up and attacked the creature who swiftly engulfed the fighter within its seaweedy depths! Our wizard, Malgus, cast a spell and managed to entangle the monster in an enormous conjured spider web, stopping it from moving any closer giving us the advantage to fell the beast without too much issue, all the while Branford is within the monster, suffocating slowly in a watery, weedy grave. I grew concerned for Branford, sure that he had lost all consciousness and was unable to release himself. I knew my time had come. Blessed with the power of the Sun God, Pelor, I cast Sacred Flame and blasted a hole in the web, just big enough for me to fit through. I then leaped through the air, using my monk-like acrobatics, to dive toward the mound, used my hands to punch straight through the weeds, managed to grasp Branford’s leg, quickly whispered a prayer to Pelor to spare this man which, if effective, would stabilize him from the Fax, the Half-Elf Bard brinks of
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death, and then with the remainder of my monk powers I stepped away with the swiftness of the wind and managed to get away from the shambling monster unscathed. While I couldn’t bring Branford with me, I knew that he would survive while we worked to rid ourselves of this awfulness. At this point we all fell into a fantastic rhythm, working like a true team dealing blow after blow, avoiding being attacked at the same time. It was truly miraculous. Finally, with a crossbow bolt straight to the face, Svea the elf rogue shot down the monster and the battle was over. At some point, the Shambling Mound cultists Art Copyright © 2019 Wizards of the Coast disappeared and with the defeat of this terrible beast, we all felt a weight being lifted from our hearts as if the evil that lingered in this house was purged completely. I ran up to the remains of our foe, which at this point was a pile of refuse and weeds, and fished Branford out. As I expected, he was still alive, though part of me feared that perhaps it didn’t work. I cured his wounds and he regained consciousness. The rest of the group collected their miss-shot arrows and thrown daggers and we all made our way back up to the main floor. Upon arrival, the previously immaculate house was now dusty and destroyed, a more appropriate look for a house that has long since been abandoned, proving to us even more that the evil was gone. We stepped outside and found that the fog was gone and replacing it was the town we were so desperately searching for. So we’re now safe in Barovia. While the people and surroundings are just as gloomy as the house itself, at least I feel comfortable going to sleep at night in my bed at the nearby tavern. It has been a long day. I am ready for a good, long rest. For tomorrow, we find out more about this villain named Strahd...
To Be Continued…
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