The Quibbler Fall 2020 by Hogwarts Quibbler

The Snake-over (Interview with the New Head of Slytherin) 2020 QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP CANCELED DUE TO MUGGLE "CORONA VIRUS" Five Curses Your Enemies Can Live Without

Editor-In-Chief & Divination Dept Head Starflashfairy Gryffindor Managing Editor NDoraTonks Hufflepuff Managing Editor L-ily Ravenclaw Managing Editor Eldis_ Slytherin Managing Editor Im_Finally_Free Production Manager KackelDackel Production Assistants Team-Hufflepuff Anne_Seelman Permagrinfalcon PocketPropagandist strikeblazer Web-Wizard Oomps62 Archives wiksry Payroll Marx0r Art Dept Head SinsationalDoom Castles & Burrows Dept Head blxckfire Classifieds L-ily Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies Dept Head Mathias_Greyjoy Dark Arts Dept Head VinumCupio Divination Flabbergasted_Rhino Education Dept Head Starboost3 Entertainment Dept Head silvertail8 Fashion Dept Head XanCanStand Magical Plants & Creatures Dept Head Oopdidoop News & Features Dept Head CynicForever7 Sports Dept Head LordPugtato Travel Dept Head mrsvanchamarch

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k s e D ’s r o t i d E e h T From the Desk of Madam Starflash Fall 2020 Editor’s Desk Greetings, dear Readers! nth issue of Welcome to the seventee bler-versary edition!

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The Quibbler! It’s our fou

are during this panexpress the need for self-c to e tim the e tak to e lik hard it can be, I would of yourself. I know how e car e tak u yo t tha al vit u’re used demic. It’s so ucture in your life than yo str s les t go e u’v yo en wh especially st of things, ug gling. Even the simple to. I myself have been str hardest a shower, can seem like the like getting up and taking l and so important to your menta thing in the world. But it’s er. I . Take a walk. Take a show ter wa ink Dr h. alt he cal physi it isn’t. y, and I know sometimes know I make it sound eas well-beelf first. Your health and But you need to put yours one You may want to put some ing needs to matter most. else ne yo an lp n, but you can’t he else’s needs before your ow u to yo ct tru elf first. It’s why they ins if you’re not helping yours e assisting ne in an emergency befor pla air an on sk ma en yg put on your own ox Splurge on a pizza. thing wild with your hair. me so Do . elf urs yo eat Tr others. ke yourself feel good. Do whatever it takes to ma t to your friends and importance of reaching ou the ess str to e lik o als port of others, I would u need to lean on the sup yo er ev n tha re mo w No if you’re not loved ones. , you can’t offer support ain ag t Bu u. yo on n lea and allow them to taking care of yourself. kind to yourkind to each other, and be Be sk. ma ur yo ar We s. Wash your hand y. self. Be safe, but be happ joy reading it trying times. I hope you en se the in e lov th wi de ma This issue was en! creating it. Happy Hallowe ed joy en ’ve we as ch mu as you! May Fortune smile upon Madam Starflash Editor-in-Chief

THE QUIBBLER: NO. 34861 FALL 2020 THIS ISSUE OF THE QUIBBLER WAS CREATED, WRITTEN, PRODUCED AND REVIEWED BY THE HOGWARTS STAFF AT /R/THEQUIBBLER. THIS ISSUE FEATURES ARTICLES THAT EXPOSE THE TRUTH. SELLING OVER 1,500,000 COPIES WITH OVER 29,000 DIFFERENT ISSUES, WE ARE THE WIZARDING WORLDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ALTERNATIVE VOICE AND REASON SINCE 1989. WE THANK YOU FOR READING AND PURCHASING OUR SMALL INDEPENDENT NEWS MAGAZINE

Welcome to OUR BRAND NEW issue of the Quibbler. Below is an overview of everything you can find in this All new edition of the Quibbler! We hope you find the experience Both enlightening and entertaining! THE BIGGEST STORIES FROM THE

FRONTPAGE:

38 The Snake-Over 118 2020 Quidditch World Cup Canceled 124

Five Curses Your Enemies Can Live Without I wouldn't even perform no. 3 on Voldemort himself!

Interview with the new head of Slytherin!

Coronavirus puts a damper on another sporting event.

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BREAKING NEWS:

jfjsdjwfksfkljklwenjkfnzwdiewghiorndgknakflenifnsdnakhwroiuwehdnmd, Castles and Burrows. .............................. 10

News and Features................................. 111

Crafts, Brews, and Hobbies. ................... 26

Sports. .................................................... 124

Dark Arts................................................. 34

Travel..................................................... 134

Divination................................................ 51

Horoscopes. ........................................... 138

Education. ............................................... 58

Classifieds.............................................. 139

entertainment......................................... 66

Auroro Logs............................................140

fashion...................................................... 94

Credits. .................................................. 142

magical plants

& Creatures.................. 102

STAFF:

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Editor-In-Chief: Starflashfairy Managing Editors: Im_Finally_Free, L-ily, NDoraTonks, Eldis_ Administration: Marx0r, Oomps62, Wiksry Layout and Design: KackelDackel, Team-Hufflepuff, Anne_ Seelman, Permagrinfalcon, PocketPropagandist, strikeblazer Art: Sinsational Doom Castles & Burrows: blxckfire Classifieds: L-ily Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies: Mathias_Greyjoy Dark Arts: VinumCupio Divination: Flabbergasted_Rhino Education: Starboost3 Entertainment: silvertail8 Fashion: XanCanStand Magical Plants & Creatures: Oopdidoop News & Features: CynicForever7 Sports: lordpugtato Travel: mrsvanchamarch Contributors: A_Syed_07, Anne_seelmann, Blxckfire, Cippling_depession, CynicForever7, Eldis_, Enovara, ICantReachTheOctave, Im_Finally_ Free, KackelDackel, Kyra-Chiller, L-ily, LadyChione, Milomi10, Mjenious, Oopdidoop, Permagrinfalcon, Radiogalatic, Rhia1, Rowdy_ mouse, RownaRawnclaw, Scarhead_Potter, Silvertail8, Skilik, Skyler080808, Specialsnowflaker, Starflashfairy, StockParfait, Strikeblazer, Summer-Autumn, The_Architect_Nurse, The-milksnake, Theoceanisapuddle, UselessUniversity, XanCanStand 5

Happy Birthday, dude. Have a good one! -Flabbergasted_Rhino Happy Birthday Star! Thank you for doing so much for this community, and have an awesome day! <3 -PurpleCloaker "Happy Birthday Star! Hope you have an amazing year ahead, filled with happiness, peace and prosperity! Thank you so much for everything you do, don't forget that you are awesome! May this year bring good luck and wishes! I hope you have a marvelous time on your special day! Once again, happy Hogwarts birthday! Loads of love and wishes! From Milomi10" happy birthday starflashfairy!!!!! -Mylifeambitiom Hey Star! Happy Birthday... Lots of love from Wiz... -WizKvothe Happy birthday Star! I appreciate how much work, time and effort you put into The Quibbler. Have a great birth day! -ICantReachTheOctave Happy Birthday! Thank you for managing the Quibbler so well! -MimiLubi Hello, my dear! I want to send you an early birthday wish, I hope that it will be a wonderful day where you will really feel loved, because that is what you deserve. You are such a wonderful human being and I am so grateful to have you as my ''boss''. I was incredibly honoured you asked me to become Ravenclaw Managing Editor back in 2017, and I have really enjoyed the journey so far. You are an incredible leader, and so talented! I love your enthusiasm and passion for this project, and I am so happy I get to be a part of this. I am genuinely so proud of each edition of the Quibbler. I talk about it with friends, family, students and employers (because yes, the Quibbler is on my CV!) alike, it looks so professional that I am never ashamed to talk/brag about it. And

about you! You are always so kind and understanding, and you are incredibly motivating. I can't even begin to imagine how much work it is to reign us all in and make sure that the right stuff happens at the right time in order for the right product to be published. I know you are always very busy with this, and you truly deserve this little moment in the spotlight. From the very beginning of my journey with the Quib you have been so incredibly helpful. I started out a little unsure about my role, but you really made me feel comfortable and at home in the team. You managed to find the perfect balance between taking my hand to guide me through it and pushing me in the deep end. The past three years have been an absolute delight, and I am so looking forward to the next three (hundred) years! Thank you for encouraging creativity. Not just mine, but that of everyone here at r/harrypotter and r/ thequibbler. We are truly all incredibly grateful for everything you have done for us and for the fandom. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You're amazing. Lots of love, Eldis_ Happy Birthday starflashfairy! I love the Quibbler and I really appreciate all the time and effort you've poured into it. -TrajectoryAgreement Happy birthday! Thanks for everything you do. -LoonelyBoxx Happy Birthday Starflashfairy! I hope you have a marvelous and magical year. -ILoveTheLibrary Hello, Starflash! I haven't interacted with you much but the times that I have, you've always been endlessly kind and helpful! You run the Quibbler amazingly, and I'm so grateful for everything you do to make sure that we get out an excellent edition every time. You're the best, and I hope you have a wonderful birthday! -Raspberry_cordelia Happy Birthday! Thanks for keeping the magic alive! -Six_mpossible_things Happy Birthday! Thanks for all you do for the HP Reddit community. -UnalteredCube Happy Birthday, thanks for doing such an amazing job with the quibbler! -Tipsytippett Happy birthday!! Have a great day! -Luna_rosethorn Happy Birthday Star! You are so kind and hardworking, and I hope you have a wonderful birthday celebration. You deserve it :) -saraberry12 HAPPEE BIRTHDAE, STAR! :D -kackeldackel

Happy birthday Star, I hope your birthday is as awesome as you are! Here's to another great year :D -Im_Finally_Free Happy birthday! You bring out the best in everyone! -aurthurallan Happy birthday Star! Although we haven't spoken much, I genuinely love working at the Quibbler and all that comes with the job. I hope you have a wonderful day! -Starboost3 Happy Birthday!!!! -Summer-Autumn Happy birthday! Thank you for all your hard work on the Quibbler! You truly are a STAR! -KeiratheUnicorn Thanks so much for 17 (17?!) brilliant editions. I haven't gotten to all of them yet, but that doesn't mean I can't say they're all amazing. And so are you, for making the Quibbler possible! Happy birthday, I hope it's the best one yet. :) -cippling_depession Happy Birthday! Thanks for the time and effort you've put in to create the outstanding Quibbler. -applebyarrows Have a great birthday! -Llma_in_drama Happy Birthday/ă &#x160;čŞ&#x2022;ç&#x201D;&#x;ć&#x2014;Ľă &#x160;ă&#x201A; ă §ă ¨ă &#x2020;! -Astro4545 Happy Birthday Star! <3 you are wonderful and I hope you have a lovely birthday. hugs & hisses from Kat & Iggy -kemistreekat Happy Birthday ! Thanks for your hard work ! -JinxStandsForMe

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Hope you have a fantastic birthday! Thank you for all the hard work you do creating a platform where witches and wizards can share their truth! You rock! -XanCanStand Hey Star! Happy Birthday! Hope you have a lovely year ahead. I wish you success in everything that you aspire! All the best. -NDoraTonks Happy birthday!! -Siyuze Happy birthday to the most amazing redditor and editor in the world. Many happy returns of the day!!!! -InformalStudio6

Happy Birthday! May you have many more! Happy Birthday to you! -mysterygirl789123 Happy Birthday, Star! I hope you have a wonderful day, you deserve it. Thanks for being great & keeping the Quibbler great. -Leothefox Happy Birf! Hope you have a great day!! -Aurum0079 Happy birthday! I hope 30 treats you well, and you get to do everything you dream of. You've put so much love into The Quibbler and it shows, so we want you to know that it's not one-sided. The production team, artists, editors, writers, and readers all appreciate the work you put in. So here you go, a huge "thank you" from the community, wishing you the best for the year to come. -Enovara Happy b-day star! I hope you have a great one! -anonymous Happy Birthday Star! Thanks for all of your hard work and dedication! -Silvertail8 Happy birthday, Star! You are so incredibly hardworking, passionate, and driven. I hope that you enjoy your birthday and this new (birth) year proves even better for you. <3 -sinsationaldoom Happy, Happy Birthday Star, Hope you know how great you are, Up above the Quibbler ranks, You keep it running smoothly, thanks! -permagrinfalcon

QUIBBLER INSERT

Beyond the Veil:

Both Paws on the Ground

by Silvertail 8 Illustration by The_Architect_Nurse

INSERT QUIBBLER

reen light is the last thing I remember. It could have been a muggle traffic light, but it was blinding in its brilliance. I don't actually remember what came before this vein of existence so I can't say why it was that I left the living world. All I know for certain is that I am dead. It has nothing to do with the temperature of the place, but more to do with the sense of contentment I feel. It's a feeling that, instinctually, I know I never truly felt when I was alive. The funny thing about being dead is that you ironically feel more alive than ever. Your limbs, for you do have them, are wrapped cozily in whatever clothes you wish for, though the temperature is perfect. The place you find yourself is both peaceful and invigorating, differing from person to person. In addition, every person has a guardian or guide of one sort or another. It's always someone you once knew, someone you feel incredibly safe around. The most important thing to know about this place is that you are not meant to stay. For me, the place is a bench on the top of a very tall hill, shaded by a large oak tree. My guardian is my best friend's mom who, regardless of what was going on in her life, always made time to get me sorted. She sits next to me and reminds me about my life, everything from when I first became friends with her son to when I left the living world. What started out as a peaceful conversation became a difficult one as I realized who I was leaving behind and the terrible danger they were in. When I asked her if I could go back, her response

was sad but definitive. If I went back, I could never change my mind. I would be a ghost, cursed to roam the living world forever, cut off permanently from my loved ones once they passed on as I had. She did not hide the truth from me but she also made no attempt to persuade me one way or the other. I could return now and help the ones I loved for a few wonderful years or I could hop on a broom and leave this place and the living world forever. I stayed up on that hill for what felt like a lifetime. Some of the time, I agonized over the decision, trying to weigh my options carefully. The rest of the time, I sat on the bench with her and talked about the past, the silly things James and I would do and the two summers I stayed with them after I ran away from home. The quidditch matches when James dominated the field were prominent in our discussions and I found myself longing more and more to see his face again, to hear his laughter on the wind. We also talked sometimes about my seemingly impossible decision. In the end, I was left with the same question as before and the knowledge that, whichever path I chose, there would be consequences. Finally, after a large amount of time in this timeless space, I made my decision. Dumbledore would keep my godson safe. I got on the broom and flew off into the brilliantly blue sky.

QUIBBLER CASTLES AND BURROWS

ewlyweds Chris and Maddison Dodd moved out of their house complaining of knocks, to experience them again. Everyday at midnight, they claim to hear someone knocking thrice. When Chris went to open the door, he found nobody standing there. This continued through the night, and the couple was very distressed. This happened for a few days, till they set up charms to trap intruders. Yet, they heard three knocks that night and the night after. It struck them to stop answering the door, maybe the person would walk away. They began to ignore the knocks, but the knocks continued. After a week, they decided to keep watch outside the house, with five cups of coffee in hand. They could hear the knocking again, but couldn’t see the knocker. The very next day, Maddison had a panic attack since the thought of a person standing outside the house for ten hours straight freaked her out. It was so severe that she was taken to St. Mungos and had to be calmed down by three Healers. The wizard and witch proceeded to owl a Ministry official to help them out. The official arrived and looked around the house, casting some complicated spells. They thanked him, but everything the official had done went down the drain since the knocking didn’t stop! At half past three in the morning, the two packed bags, cleared up the house and moved out of their house, only to arrive at the same situation.

CASTLES AND BURROWS QUIBBLER Fueled by frustration, they stayed at a hotel, and the knocking continued. They spent a night up in the terrace, the knocking continued. They stayed at a friend’s place, the knocking didn’t stop. They wore earmuffs, nothing changed. Today, they are in Egypt, attempting to lock themselves into a pyramid. This is what we call ‘going insane’. Chris and Maddison are climbing a ladder, where the topmost rung is utter and complete madness. They have probably reached midway. There is always an option to jump down, though you might hurt yourself. The only thing I can warn you about is the house they first lived in - on 8th Street. It is believed to have peculiar qualities, and if you happen to stay there you’ll be doomed. As far as we know, the Dodds are in trouble since they are carriers of the curse that lay in their former home. We advise you not to visit them unless you want to become insane. Researchers do not know what curse could have caused this though they are trying their best to find out. Nobody has seen something like this, and it could be a breakthrough on our part. The house has been marked as a haunted house, and Halloween party planners are free to check it out at their own risk. If you encounter something similar, do owl us before you meet your demise. Have a nice knock! Written by Milomi.

QUIBBLER INSERT

Castles & Burrows

GENESIS

A SQUIB'S LIFE From the difficult second-class life that most Squibs led, to the strange and often quiet abilities that all Squibs possess

by Silvertail8

I remember the first day my brother made a toadstool change color. He was about six years old, always an early bloomer, and we were playing in the garden. We were having an argument about something, I can't remember what now, and I told him, at the ripe age of four, that he looked like a toadstool. He got really angry, tore one from the ground, brandished it at me, and turned it hot pink. "Does this look like me now?!" he screamed in my face. I started crying partly because he was yelling at me and partly because the toadstool no longer looked like my brother. Our mother came rushing out to the yard when she heard me cry, and, taking me in her arms, demanded an explanation. My brother was only a few sentences in when she noticed the toadstool. She yelled for my dad to come quickly while grinning from ear to ear. The argument was quickly forgotten that night in celebratory cake and our grandparents sending owls of congratulations. The next two years were especially unbearable for me as my brother would run around, making things change shape and color all the time, just to prove that he still could. Almost exactly two years later, I sat by myself in the yard and stared again at the toadstools. If my big, oaf-of-a-brother could do it, I convinced myself, so could I. I spent at least three hours in the yard, staring at what could still be mistaken for my brother's face. I sat for so long, my ears burned red from the sun and I was sweating rivers. When night fell, my mother came out looking for me and I burst into tears when she asked what I was doing. I felt like a complete failure, no toadstools had changed color for me and I was never going to get my magic. My mother took me into her arms and laughed when she heard why I was sitting in the grass by myself. She explained that my brother had shown signs of magic earlier than most and that I still had a year for my gifts to show themselves. "Don't worry," she said and ruffled my hair, "you'll be turning toadstools pink soon enough." Relieved, I followed her inside, drying my cheeks. The whole event was forgotten that night in more laughter as my brother showed off and kept turning his salmon green until my father told him to stop playing with his food. That would have been the end of my worry had I been normal. I am not normal. After an agonizing year, I turned seven and I was more thrilled than ever at the prospect of finally making daisies blossom, turning toadstools bright purple, or creating streams of bubbles from my lips. My birthday came and went with no sign of magical prowess but I was not deterred. Mother had said that it could happen any day now so I was hopeful. Halloween came and went with no change but Father said that my magic was probably just a little shy. I did not worry but waited impatiently for my turn to shine. Christmas came and went and still, I showed no signs of suddenly bursting into flames, conjuring clouds from thin air, or even coloring the tips of my hair. Nothing happened and suddenly, with my hope, I felt a tiny tinge of fear. I turned eight and I was the same. Mother and Father told me that they weren't worried but amid the backdrop of my brother excitedly asking about the different Hogwarts Houses and wondering aloud where he would be sorted, I caught my parents exchanging looks and glancing away when I caught them staring. I resolved to try harder to awaken my dormant abilities. My brother turned eleven and got his Hogwarts acceptance letter by owl that very morning. He came running down the stairs with it held high above him, shouting that it had happened, he was going to Hogwarts. Absolutely thrilled, my Father picked him up and twirled him in the air while Mother and I ran forward to embrace him. Our grandparents were quickly owled and Mother and Father's closest friends were invited to come celebrate with us that night. There was cake and ice cream and steak and kidney pie and pigs in blankets. All in all, a wonderful celebration for my magical, talented brother. "Don't worry Buck," he whispered to me after the present opening had finished and the adults were washing up, "it'll be your turn soon." His uncharacteristically kind words lifted both my spirits and my resolve. In my heart I felt that he must be right, that my time was just around the corner. That September, we escorted him to the train station and watched him sail away on the Hogwarts Express. I waved to him enthusiastically and yelled for him to owl us every day. The drive home was fun, with me asking a gazillion questions about Hogwarts and the wonders it held. Mother and Father cheerfully answered every single one of them and I grew even more excited to attend the famous school myself.

The next year was a frantic one. With my brother off to school and the fact that I was swiftly approaching ten years old looming above us, I often caught my parents trying to scare me around the house. It was said by neighbors and family friends that late bloomers were often able to showcase their powers when they perceived their lives to be in danger. Following this questionable advice, my parents would pop out from dark corners holding knives or push me off piers. My brother, home for the Summer Holidays, joined in too with jump scares and holding me out of windows. I sustained a great deal of injuries this way until one very bad accident where I had to be transported to St. Mungos by broomstick. After that incident, Mother and Father sat down and decided that no amount of magic was worth my life. In addition, if I had any magic at all, they were certain that it would have manifested to save me from this most recent accident. I cried all night through my bandages when they told me what they thought I was. I had known for many years that it was possible, that it had become even more of a possibility with every year that passed without me showing any signs of magical aptitude. I never expected to actually hear those words, especially from my parents who loved me dearly and wanted only the best for me. "You're a Squib." I heard those words every day and every night in my head for a year as my eleventh birthday came and went. My parents wanted to throw a party like always but I declined. All I wanted was to sit in my room and distract myself with Muggle magazines and a fairytale book I had gotten for my fifth birthday, before everything changed. My brother came home for the Winter Holidays after this final, official sentence was hung over my head. I was laying down on my bed as usual when he burst into the room, broomstick slung over his shoulder. He'd tried out this year for the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team and become their Keeper (In Training, though he never mentioned this part if he could help it). "Come on lazy bones, get up!" He wrenched my blanket from my grasp but I just curled into a ball and closed my eyes. "You can't lay there all day again Buck. Come help me practice won't you?" Spurred by the idea of flying, I reluctantly grabbed a coat and met him out in the backyard. Even if I was a Squib, I could still fly. My genetics couldn't hinder me here. Out in the slightly chilly morning air, I breathed freely for the first time in months and kicked off from the ground. We never had proper Quidditch balls growing up as it was all too easy to lose them without adding charms to the boundaries of the yard. Instead, we played with apples. Swooping low to pick one up, I hefted it in my hand and grinned evilly at my padded brother. Ten minutes of exhilarating dodging, weaving, and scoring later, I was up 50-10 to my brother who, despite being a pretty good Keeper (In Training), could not keep up with my moves. He called Time Out and flew to the backdoor to beg Mother to make smoothies for both of us. Red as a lobster, I landed and lay down in the grass, free from worry for the first time in a long time. The rest of the day passed in a blur with Mother and Father eventually joining us in the backyard, happy to see me looking so lively and my brother so engaged in conversation. We split up into teams and played until dinner which was roasted pork and a mushroom risotto. Days like this were numerous while my brother was home but lacked the same enthusiasm once he'd gotten back on the train for Hogwarts. Now that I was eleven and obviously not going to Hogwarts, the question of my future loomed large. I was not going to be a witch or a wizard so that left us with two options: Muggle school or homeschool. Most Squibs, either abandoned by their magical families or shunted aside in favor of magical siblings, leave home and end up in Muggle orphanages or even just on the street, unable to fend for themselves. The ones that don't end up on the streets usually end up going to Muggle boarding schools and begin to lead Muggle lives, cut off from the wider wizarding world at large. Knowing that these fates were very real for me, a Squib child with a Wizard brother and magical parents, I did not want to leave home. Mother and Father, while considerate of my opinion, iterated to me again and again that they could not teach me everything I wanted to know about either the Muggle or magical

world. To obtain this knowledge, I would have to attend a Muggle boarding school, like many of my brethren. So, after many arguments and tears, I was enrolled in Haileybury in Hertford. Mother prepared me by teaching me the basics in Maths and before I knew it, I was packed up and on my way to the next seven years of my life. My brother and I wrote to each other continuously during this period and saw each other during the holidays when we would both come home from school and play Quidditch in the backyard. Sometimes he would invite friends over but usually, it was just the two of us. Although I was very busy with my studies at Haileybury and making some new friends, I yearned to learn more about Magical-Muggle relations as well as how other Squibs got on with their lives. Mother and Father kept me continuously involved in the local happenings, not wanting me to cut myself off from the magical world, and offered me the opportunity to meet with wand-makers, broomstick designers, Quidditch Chasers, potion masters, and many more variously talented witches and wizards. Although I could not perform the spells necessary to complete some potions, I was able to successfully concoct the Draught of Peace which does not require wandwork. Realizing the potential, I read and made a list of all potions that were "Squib-friendly". This was the beginning of something incredible that I was only just able to grasp the importance of. Holiday after holiday, I learned a little more and made progress on my list of "Squib-friendly" Wizarding activities and accomplishments. Squibs, it turns out, can do much more than our magical brethren believe. We can make certain potions, ride brooms (read: play Quidditch), use the Floo network, care for most magical creatures, become photographers or journalists for wizarding newspapers, and much, much more. More than that, I realized that the Ministry was wasting an incredible resource for MuggleMagical relations. Squibs are tailor-made to smooth the way with the Muggle Prime Minister, misguide Muggle police and plumbers, and overall ease tensions between Muggles and magical folk. Instead of being utilized, we were being shunted aside. I realized this shortly before my final year at Haileybury and soon after hounded an old friend who now works for the Ministry for a moment of the Minister's time. It took the entire school year of owling various members of the Ministry back and forth before I was finally able to reach someone who could put me on the Minister's schedule. In the meantime, I was also reaching out to other Squibs to get their take on these new vistas of opportunity that I perceived to now be open to us. Most Squibs shirked away from returning to the wizarding world, having been driven out of it so long ago, but a few wrote back with positive, hopeful voices, wondering if they could actually have a place alongside their friends and family.

A Kneazle is a magical beast related to, and similar in appearance to, a cat. They have a very high level of intelligence, are independent and occasionally aggressive, and have an uncanny ability to detect suspicious and distrustful people.[6] They can also safely guard their owners home. Because of their aggression towards certain individuals, Kneazles have an XXX classification by the Ministry of Magic, if they are not interbred with another species. - Harry Potter Wiki

Most interestingly, I heard from a Squib living in London that they could speak with kneazles. They consider themselves to be a full Squib but their very mention of this power has me questioning the definition of this term. Do we all have a hidden power like this or are they only gifted to a few? Is there such a thing as a "true" Squib or do we all have a little magic tucked away in us still? Desperate to try my theory out, I begged my confused parents to introduce me to a kneazle. It took some convincing and a lot of searching but eventually, they put me in contact with a lovely woman by the name of Arabella Figg. Mother flew me to Mrs. Figg's house where we were invited in and offered cauldron cakes. As we were just digging in, a white kneazle caught me by surprise by jumping onto the couch where we were seated. After staring at me intently for a minute, he opened his mouth and meowed at me. "You must be Miss Hannow," he sniffed my proffered hand, "Snowy, at your service," and then began to groom himself. "Well," Mother was leaning in close, "did you understand him? What did he say?" "Of course she did," Mrs. Figg, having left to pour some tea, was now setting our teacups on the table. "She's a Squib like me, isn't she? All Squibs can talk with kneazles, 'though we try not to advertise that fact." Mother and I were rather stunned but, realizing that Mrs. Figg could answer all sorts of questions about being a Squib, I recovered quickly. The next hour and a half went by in a blur as I asked question after question and Mrs. Figg patiently answered them. Snowy even joined in on occasion in between naps. I learned all sorts of things that the wider wizarding world appeared completely unaware of. From the difficult second-class life that most Squibs led, to the strange and often quiet abilities that all Squibs possess, Mrs. Figg opened my eyes to the diverse magical world I had no idea existed. Right alongside me, my Mother also nodded and looked almost in wonderment at the small woman sat before us. When the sky had begun to turn a dusky rose pink and the sun could barely be seen over the horizon, we bid Mrs. Figg adieu and flew home. That night, I lay in bed mulling over the vase amount of information I had absorbed. Squibs weren't completely magicless, like the wider wizarding world believed, but possessed a quieter, completely overlooked form of magic. Excited now, rather than discouraged, I fell asleep content and dreaming of conversing with Krupps, Faeries, and Grindylow.

FALLING

It happened all at once, so sudden and mystical like the Northern Lights in my head. It was like fireworks, raining brilliance from the sky, igniting my life with its glory. I was as surprised as I was delighted, welcoming this new feeling into my life, reveling in its posterity and warmth. Each milestone marked a new adventure, a new way to discover greater heights of happiness. For you, I would touch the stars and bring back the moon. Most days, this is enough and we are happy. The sun shines and the summer breeze whispers in our ears. On the days that it is not, we proclaim our frustrations to the world and then we meet, peaceable again. You astonish me most days, and bewilder me on others. Your puzzle is one that I am happily lost in. Your perspective shows me new ways to appreciate moonbeams. I grow when I am with you. We are happy. What once was Summer turns to cool, breezy Fall. I should expect such a natural event as changing seasons but it perturbs me. My little enigma wrapped in a labyrinth wrapped in a puzzle, I struggle to understand you sometimes. My branches struggle to stretch in the cold Autumn air. I feel cramped, almost stuck. Hives, we had seafood and I am grossly allergic. I don't feel well at all. Your caring, wonderful face reminds me of the Summer we met. I am grateful to be alive. Another season passes and we really hit Winter this time. The crisp flakes of snow float from the sky and coat our faces. Around and around we go, the same thing, the same patterns. You still are my puzzle but I find our days to be frustratingly linear. I think I can see a touch of light at the end of the dark night. Though it frightens me, I know it will hold brighter, better days. Thank you, I loved you.

It was slow, like molasses, creeping up on me like a sloth I did not want to acknowledge. It was like the warmth of Spring, tendrils of heat encroaching on my normally frigid life. I was as confused as I was reluctant, attempting to keep my status quo, terrified of what it signified. Each marker thudded into place, each more ominous than the last, waiting to plunge me to greater depths. For you, I would lose everything I own, everything I am. Every day, I am wary that I could lose it all, that you are but a blot in the story that is my life. Every so often, my world falls apart and I can see what we have threatening to fall into my abyss. The maze of right and wrong shifts around me at every turn. I am desperate to hold on, to never let go. I could not be who I am without you. Your light has allowed me to peer out from under the shade. I think I am happy. The seasons change, for once reaching a reasonable, breathable climate. The air is somehow comfortable. Each moment I spend with you brings clarity to the world, I cannot remember a time before sunshine and butterflies. We leap and laugh through canopies and streams, the world is our oyster and I feel shellfish keeping you to myself. I will always take care of you, give you anything and everything you could need. The way you look at me weakens my knees and puts a silly little smile on my face. No more seafood. My favorite time of year, though I once thought it to be unflinchingly, unrelentingly freezing, I now find it to be pleasantly cool. The influence of your company, I'm sure. The pattern of our lives is imprinted on me and I find solace in its predictability. Knowing that I will wake up with you brings more joy than I can say.

APART

Your happiness continues to light up my world, I am truly happiest when a smile lights up my beloved's face. Don't leave, I love you.

NE W

Th e n

re tT es ew

NE W

O OR

ICA

BE LL S

magica ld oorbells

home is quite complete without the illustrious doorbell. For some, this is but a trivial addition to the outside of their front doors. However, little do most witches and wizards realize that the doorbell is actually a Muggle invention dating back to the early 1800s. Whilst most witches and wizards are firmly fond of the classic door knocker, many youngsters right out of Hogwarts are bewitching their very own doorbells, inspired by stories their Muggleborn friends told them. These magical doorbells range from amplification spells to memos which dash throughout the house to alert the nearest witch or wizard. If you're thinking, "well, I don't have children so none of this doorbell nonsense will affect me," you're wrong! The long-honored Muggle tradition of the "Ding Dong Dash" has finally come to the wizarding world! Long gone are the days when magical children of all ages would sneak into a neighbor's yard, quietly leave a pile of gnome dung, and scamper off. Nowadays, many a quiet morning air is rent wide open by the screech of a honking daffodil, a wild bout of laughter, and the customary pile of gnome dung (some things never change, no matter the innovations). "The pile of dung is really just the icing on the cauldron cake," a particularly rowdy, unnamed child of Inverness was heard saying to his classmates this past Hogsmeade visit. Indeed, for many Hogwarts students, the fun of the Ding Dong Dash seems to be more in the variety of choice for the "Ding Dong" portion of the prank. Some, as mentioned earlier, use Honking Daffodils. Others have opted for the slightly more creative enchanted bludger. This last method, while effective, has the unfortunate side effect of property damage. A staggering fourteen homes were vandalized in this way in the last month alone!

"But it's just kids," some of the more understanding property owners told us as they magically mended their front doors. Myles Martinez from Bristol told us in the strictest confidence (you won't go telling anyone, will you?) the following prank he used to pull. As a kid, he used to set up a whole set of Filibuster's Wet-Start Fireworks under his family's chicken coop right at the end of March. He said that the thrill of not knowing when it was all going to blow up was what made the prank so exciting and worthwhile. Apparently, the first time he ever pulled this prank, his little sister shot straight up into the sky and discovered her magic early at the age of four. Her gentle floating down to earth was the only thing that saved him from "permanent time out", as his mother used to call it. Needless to say, the Martinez family no longer owns any chickens. The poor things found their own wings and took flight shortly after being blown into the sky and haven't been seen since. Martinez believes that some ultimately ended up as accidental test subjects for the task force for Experimental Charms at the Ministry. Other, less lenient neighbors have threatened everything from sending Howlers to the Ministry to jinxing the kids themselves into large piles of jelly. None of these threats seem to especially stick, unless it involves their parents. The moment Mum or Dad is mentioned, the street is suddenly blissfully quiet and serene. "It's a magic trick," says a relieved Anne Porter of Ottery St. Catchpole. In the early years of her living in the green, hilly area, Porter often had trouble with the young children who would come running from just over the hill. She describes them as a collection of excitable, often unruly kids who always had a trick up their collective sleeve. Although none of them were old enough to do any real magic, and thus any real damage, most of them seemed to have a mischievous streak about them. For several years, she tolerated their many pranks and occasionally ill-mannered wrestling on her lawn, but the rash of Ding Dong Dash exploits proved too much for her nerves. Porter confesses that she may have already had a rough day and that the Ding Dong Dash prank was hardly the worst the children had come up with. In any case, Porter's threat to find their mother had the children scattered to the wind in a matter of seconds. She never got their last name but, as they never returned to her lawn, she saw no reason to pursue the matter. From a useful apparatus to a timeless tradition, harmless prank, and finally a dangerous nuisance, the magical equivalent of a Muggle Doorbell has long been contested and argued. Witches and wizards from both sides of the aisle have yelled themselves hoarse over simple disagreements like the proper definition of a magical doorbell and whether it should require an actual bell. Regardless of their personal opinion on the validity of the Doorbell as a means of communication or on the various related legislation proposed to either fully implement or completely ban it, everyone has thus far been able to agree that the Doorbell has made it as a daily entity in our lives and that it is far from finished making a mark on Magical History.

QUIBBLER CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES

h t i ds w

n a w n w o ! r s u e i o l y g pp n u i S er k tt e a o l P M ad_ gg e h u r m by Sca It’s easy! All you need is some chopsticks, or short and thin dowel rods as a base, a glue gun, and some paint of your choice! 1. Plan out what you want your final product to look like! 2. Take your base and apply hot glue to the spot you want and in the way you wish. Then Let it cool down and dry unless you are using the following tip. TIP: If you want the hot glue to form in the shape of a sphere or a knob on your wand, wait for the hot glue to cool down but not enough for you to not be able to mold it into the shape you wish. It might take 3-4 layers to start looking like a ball. Then from there you may add more layers to put it at your desired size. (If you try to start molding and the glue sticks to your hand, even though it might be cool, it isn’t ready to mold.)

3. After you are done creating your pattern, you may paint it if you wish, but some parts you might want to leave unpainted to make it look clear. 4. Wait for the paint to dry and then show your creation to your friends and family! WARNING: If you use the tip between step 2 and 3, be very cautious if you have had your glue gun on for a while. You might think it is cool enough to start molding, resulting in a burn, but with some experience, you will start to learn when it’s good enough to mold.

Brewing Victoire Weasley’s

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Love Story Potion Ingredients:

• A page of your favorite love scene • Water • A cauldron • Flames • Rose petals • Lavender • 2 bay leaves • A stirrer • Jasmine incense sticks

Steps:

1. Light some jasmine incense sticks and pass all the ingredients through the smoke. 2. Fill your cauldron with water. 3. Put a flame under the water. A jar flame would be ideal. 4. Read aloud the passage from the love scene. After you finish, wave your wand and enchant ut hanc vitam ingredi. 5. Think of you and your lover in the book scene and add the ingredients one at a time, stirring along the way. When you feel butterflies in your stomach, stop stirring. 6. Fold the paper in thirds and submerge it in the water. Continue enchanting ut hanc vitam ingredi. 7. Dispose of the potion and wait for the cycles of the moon to run their course.

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Haunting The Art of Spooky

I can tell you up front that haunting is a very difficult business. Those not educated in this art are quick to belittle it, to call it an easy, pointless, or dull task fit only for the buffoons upon which articulated speech is wasted. These people are categorically incorrect and I'm here to tell you why. If it were an easy job, there would be no incidents of witches and wizards laughing at ghosts who incorrectly haunted a location. If it were a pointless job, those tasked with the thankless work would abandon it entirely. If it were a dull task, requiring little skill, some of the sharpest minds would have

left the business long ago. Here, for you, is haunting from the haunter's perspective. To become a certified Haunter, a ghost must undergo nearly a century's worth of training. During this time, the Junior Haunter is allowed to accompany a certified Haunter (usually their mentor) to observe the correct methods for haunting as well as how to recover from various mishaps on the job. After their training, the Junior Haunter must then pass an exam consisting of several different scenarios and even an unsuspecting witch or wizard on rare occasions. If they pass this exam, they become a Certified Haunter and get assigned their very first location to haunt. Most ghosts choose to rotate from place to place so that their haunting methods do not get stale. Very few stay in one location, choosing instead to specialize. I myself roam from location to location when I feel as though I have exhausted my options at a particular castle or moor. To those who say that Haunting is a pointless task with nothing good about it beyond a cheap thrill, I have great pity. They do not understand the vital importance

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of a Haunter; the necessary role they play in the greater wizarding world. Although most witches and wizards do not fear ghosts in general, many have a genuine unease followed by fear when faced with less kind ghosts. Although we cannot do more than make them feel chilled, something about the more violent spirits scares them off. However, our purpose as Haunters is not to terrify a witch or wizard so badly that they soil their robes (although this can be seen as a bonus) but to instill within them both a fear of failure and a sense of ultimate vitality that they, so used to being superior in every field, often lose over time. In short, our job is to recharge witches and wizards and make them feel alive. As far as Haunting being a dull, literal dead-end career, I must argue the point most strongly. While it is true that nearly all of us are dead (there is a hag somewhere in Scotland who has braved the certification process), it is far from an easy or uninteresting job. Yearly, we all gather in Ireland for the Annual Haunting Heros ceremony which awards particularly inventive or hard-working Haunters. As such, the field itself is particularly competitive with Haunters from around the world constantly attempting to one-up one another. The actual technical aspects of Haunting are also more difficult than most outsiders will ever see. There is a skill to hiding behind walls, timing entrances and exits, and recognizing when the job is done. All too often, Junior or even newly Certified Haunters will make the mistake of letting a cuff drift aimlessly through a wall (not remotely terrifying), attempting to drool on the patrons (just a little sad-looking), or even tripping them (completely ineffective and mostly a mistake made by newly deceased Haunters). Indeed, it can take even the most quick-thinking and natural Haunter several centuries to perfect a single type of Haunting. The art of terrifying the wits out of an unwary target is a delicate one when you cannot physically move objects or the target themselves. One must be quick, agile, precise, and have an instinct for terror. The rest is a good deal of costuming and sound effects. I have also heard of some Haunters who work in pairs to deceive and frighten their

targets. While I have always Haunted alone, I must acknowledge that their methods can be quite effective! When the target perceives the two Haunters as a single entity, this is when a situation can be manipulated to become most frightening indeed. Now some have suggested that Junior Haunters have practiced liberally and, some may say, unfairly on nearby Muggles in the run-up to their exams. The Official Order of Haunting (OOH) has become very much against this practice in recent years, warning that any such behavior will cause the offender to be reprimanded and possibly stripped of the opportunity to become fully fledged Haunters. Should any Certified Haunters be caught doing the same (perhaps for some extra practice or out of boredom), they are likely to either be put on probation or stripped completely of their status as Haunter. Anyone caught Haunting without being fully certified or under the supervision of a fully certified Haunter will also face judgement at the hands of OOH. It is a grievous mistake that I have seen many talented Junior Haunters fall to in the attempt to get the edge on their compatriots. While Muggles are incredibly easy targets, the spirit of Haunting a Muggle is not the same as the spirit of Haunting a witch or wizard. Unlike the witch or wizard, a Muggle is already fearful of their life and has a constant reminder of death in the back of their brain. Most Muggles do not need such an intense fright to remind them of their vitality. Still not satisfied? We insist that you come for a visit at Ireland's very own Leap Castle, which has served as the official world-wide Haunting Headquarters for over fifteen centuries. We have pamphlets, on-the-job shadowing opportunities, and, of course, a good bout of mischief ready for your....perusal. We're more than certain that this quick passthrough will remedy you of any reservations you may have previously held for our most noble profession.

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Troll in the Dungeon By: Skilik There has always been an air of mystery around Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Many of our readers attended in their developmental years, a common description of the place would be “awe-inspiring”. Few people know the depth of the mysteries and depth of the castle. No one in living memory has even been able to map out the exact layout. It is a stronghold like no other in the magical world, protected by ancient magic knitted into the very foundation by the architects. No one can apparate in or out, the Floo network is highly guarded, the walls are thick. Only those invited can make their way in. Yet on October 31st 1991, as students were feasting and celebrating our high holiday, then-professor Quirrell (and the Dark Lord), came screaming into the great hall, “Troll in the dungeon! Troll in the dungeon!” Invoking a panic amongst the students and a full evacuation from the celebrations, a trick to end the treat for sure. We know now, as most of the known activities of the Dark Lord have become public information, that this was a distraction caused by professor Quirrell. The question is, however, where did the Troll come from? Why was this never addressed in public? Hogwarts, the fortress, was invaded by a lone unintelligent being. Well, Quibbler readers, we have shaken the Wrackspurts out of the tree to uncover this truth. The troll came from the underground network of hidden and forgotten tunnels leading to Hogwarts mirror school Grogwarts school of Dwarfcraft and Trollery. Little is known of this school, rumoured to be started in secret by Helga Hufflepuff as a means of educating beings who possessed magical abilities but were deemed sub-creatures and undesirable by the other founders of the magical institution. Calling on her army of magically enlarged badgers and nifflers, Hufflepuff dug out a large series of tunnels and caverns deep under the surface, with connections to the Great Lake so that Merpeople could also attend lessons. 36

This hidden and secret school has operated in secret since near the beginning of Hogwarts, teaching methods of refined magical abilities in the absence of proper magical equipment such as wands. Upon completion of their education, graduates are hexed and made to forget their time at Grogwarts but to remember the lessons they learned. Grogwarts is such a well-kept secret that it is never mentioned. In fact, the only way that this author was able to discover the truth was by interviewing an elderly Wizard, Bartholmeaux Perkins of Sussex, who claimed to be a retired teacher from the secret school. Looked down upon by his neighbours as a nutter due to his constant rambling about the impending doom being brought on the world by Lichen, he gave me much information on this hidden school. Barty Perkins, brother Arthur Perkins of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office adamantly insists that his brother is addled in the brain and should be committed to St. Mangos. Perkins insists that Barty worked for the Department of Mysteries for two years before being caught by a hex gone wrong. When asked, the Department of Mysteries representative just stared at me, blinking one eye at a time. Very weird. “Troll in the dungeon! Troll in the dungeon!” Where did it come from? Grogwarts. How did Quirrell find the tunnels? The Dark Lord of course! He-who-must-notbe-named spent much of his time exploring the forgotten at Hogwarts when he was a student. When he left the school it was already suspected that he had gained far more knowledge of the Dark Arts than most other students. Where did he learn these things? It is almost as if he went to another school, a dark school, an underground school, a secret school. Grogwarts has been kept a secret so well that there is no solid evidence for it. That is what they want you to think readers! The Ministry would have you believe that there is only one school of magic in Britain, but where do the house-elves learn their crude magic? The dwarves? The other beings who do weird stuff ? No other explanation for it. Barty Perkins should be given a greater platform to enlighten us to the secrets of this secret school, if only this author could track him down again. Neighbours say that he moved to America, to a town called Las Vegas because there “was no Lichen there”. I am not convinced and fear that ministry sanctioned Hit Wizards may have sought to silence him revealing the truth. Arthur Perkins claims to still receive owl post from his brother, but he would say that, receiving that Ministry pension and all.

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Five Curses Your Enemies

Can Live Without

by silvertail8

2. The Ingrown Toenail Hex

The "SNEAK" Formation Jinx

This jinx was made most popular by Hermione Granger, the creator, in 1995, when she famously cast it on the unfortunate Marietta Edgecombe. Ms. Edgecombe reportedly could not vanish them and healers at St. Mungo's were also unsuccessful. The Jinx wears off in approximately three years, so be careful about where your wand is pointing when you utter this jinx! It is said that Ms. Edgecombe bears the marks of this jinx to this day. Other notable uses of The "SNEAK" Formation Jinx include a particularly jealous bridesmaid in Ireland who attempted to place it on the bride. However, her aim was so atrocious that she accidentally hit the groom, with whom she was deeply in love, instead!

This hex is particularly nasty and should only be used on people for whom you have the utmost contempt. The effects are almost immediate and can last for up to a month if the target is particularly susceptible. In more sensitive individuals, this hex has also been known to nearly permanently affect how their toenails grow. The only person on whom this hex has not been known to vanish is a hypochondriac by the name of Hapless Henry, although this may have less to do with the hex itself and more the fact that Henry goes regularly to St. Mungo's, claiming to be under the influence of one ailment or another. The Healers have learned to give Henry a tonic and send him happily on his way. Ordinarily, this might have been harmless, but the tonic they provide him is always one that fights against ingrown toenails so his body has stopped responding to the medication. Thus, when hit with the hex in 1886, Henry rushed to St. Mungo's and showed them his foot, exclaiming loudly that he was going to die. The Healers gave him the usual tonic but, instead of vanishing the ingrown toenails as it would on any other witch or wizard, the tonic simply had no effect. So while Henry lived out the rest of his days with fairly painful ingrown toenails, his experience did a great deal in furthering the hypothesis of potion resistance previously theorized by St. Mungo's Healers.

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3. The Itchy Nipple Jinx

While uncomfortable, this jinx is not particularly debilitating unless performed on a bride or groom on their wedding day or perhaps on someone who is in the middle of a Valentine's Day date. It does, however, give the unassuming target the general look of a chimpanzee who has been given the opportunity to walk around in a human body for the day. Observers in the immediate area report an alarming concern that the target might decide to throw poop at them. This worry is, of course, ungrounded as the target is under the influence of the Itchy Nipple Jinx, not the Feces Flinging Hex.

4. The Creeping Curse

More subtle than most other curses, The Creeping Curse is aptly named because it comes upon the victim quite slowly over the course of a month. The actual effects of the Curse range from incredibly bad luck to poor hygiene, regardless of the victim's actual practices. Some rather unkind rumors at Hogwarts have suggested that Professor Snape fell afoul of this very curse in his developing years and never managed to shake it off. Actual known victims have earned poor marks on their O.W.Ls, repeatedly been rejected from jobs and potential partners, and even accidentally gotten stuck in hippogriff pens. No serious injuries have been documented as a result of this curse and the luck had by the victims after it wears off often outshines any misdeeds they may have accidentally perpetrated while under its influence. It is for this reason, and the subsequent legacy of Severus Snape, that he is rumored to be one of its many victims.

The Hiding Hex

A most cruel and unusual hex, the caster's motivation is often to make the target unnoticeable. This is most often cast by bullies in Hogwarts to force the victim into giving up food or galleons. This is pointless for the target because, even if they did hand these items over, the bully will have forgotten why these items are magically showing up in their hands. Thus there is no hope of having the hex lifted. One must simple trundle along the best they can and hope it wears off quickly. Another use for The Hiding Hex is actually a rather helpful one. Thieves and plunderers have long been known for using this "hex" to get around security measures families and banks have set up. In the early 1700s, so many burglaries were conducted with the help of The Hiding Hex that Gringotts devised the extremely clever, goblin-operated vault doors which will stop even those using The Hiding Hex from getting at the treasure within. 39

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Note:

We here at The Quibbler are absolutely not condoning the use of any of these curses, hexes, or jinxes on any subject whatsoever. This is dark magic that we have written about merely to enlighten the public on the different issues that might arise should they meet a Death Eater or similarly shady figure down a dark alleyway. Any witch or wizard found to be casting such curses, hexes, or jinxes (especially on unsuspecting Muggle victims), will be caught and punished according to the law. This may or may not involve a trip to Azkaban, it's entirely up to the Wizengamot. As always, the three Unforgivable Curses take center stage, but we felt it only prudent to educate the general public on these lesser-known and nearly as nasty curses. If you have been hit with any of the above (not including The Hiding Hex), please contact St. Mungo's or your nearest magical care center immediately! If you are unfortunate enough to be hit with The Hiding Hex, we strongly suggest that you take precautions not to lose your job, your home, or your friends as none of them will recognize or even acknowledge your existence for the next few weeks. Safe travels everyone!

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The Beginning The long reclusive saint travels along the dark and dirty road towards a brighter future which lays ever outside their reach. To clutch limply at the dregs of hope is all that they can hope for as they lay their sins at the mercy of the higher power. Unfortunately, no one ever told them what that higher power would be. "YAR!" A forceful punch to the gut sends a brigand sprawling. "HAIYAH!"

Another lays flat a muscular fellow with a finely waxed mustache. Our hero, a wily youth with wavy, shoulder-length, auburn hair, crows triumphantly from atop a rather rickety wooden table. His sword arm thrust proudly into the distressed, protesting chandelier, he cuts a rather ridiculous silhouette.

INSERT QUIBBLER "OUT!" This exclamation comes, not from our dubious hero, but from a rather large and irate woman whose face has gone an alarming shade of plum. Realizing that the youth needs persuading, she brandishes a large, brass pot and begins to run at him, still shrieking as she comes. Recognizing the imminent danger his life is under, the hero disentangles his arm and bounds lightly from the table, streaking to the front door with yet more noises of jubilation. Pausing but a moment to swig ale from a concerningly deserted mug, he dashes out into the bustling street. Now amidst a more discerning crowd, he pulls himself together, dabs the ale and steak from his forehead and hair, straightens his waistcoat, and silently walks away from the Inn at a leisurely but proper pace. Although his tunic is gently stained with gravy, his appearance is not all that different from the gentlemen among which he strolls. Indeed, his demeanor now is less that of a brigand and more that of a high-ranking aristocrat. "Did you gather the intelligence sir?" Another man, thin as a rake with rather prominent ears, separates himself from the crowd and offers from his own waistcoat a rather fine handkerchief embroidered with the initials "H.C.". "Yes, I rather think I did Schurr." H.C. dips the handkerchief into a nearby barrel of entirely too convenient rainwater before dabbing rather hopelessly at his gravy stains. "And what of the lady? Any news sir?" Schurr takes back the soiled handkerchief with a bit of a grimace but tucks it away with reluctance. He can always Scourgify his clothes later. "Nary a whisper Schurr. But worry not, we are on the right track." Still a little on the frumpy side, H.C. is accompanied by Schurr down the street and to a waiting carriage. Helped in by the coachmen, the two men take their seats and the carriage starts off. Looking a little green already, Schurr grabs the nearest empty bag and begins to breathe into it. "Really Schurr, is the ride so egregious that you must stuff your face into my favorite coin purse?" H.C. looks more amused than annoyed as his friend balks at the realization and consequently scrambles for a more suitable container. Forty minutes later, the pair step out of the carriage and onto a slightly damp cobblestone road. Schurr, though no longer vomiting, looks more than a little shaky and seems exceedingly grateful to once more be on solid ground. H.C., on the other hand, looks more alive than ever, practically leaping from the carriage and landing perfectly on the uneven road. The house at the end of the road is grandiose and presumptive. The preening statue behind the carriage serves as a centerpiece for the driveway and the double-door entrance is the width of three people and made almost entirely of glass. Looming overhead is a fine, eggshell-colored balcony and each of the nine sets of front-facing windows has a pair of shutters to match. The two men, unfazed by the beauty of the place, march directly to the door. H.C. seems eager to be out of his soiled clothes and Schurr's only thought is clearly of a hot bath. "You are both incredibly late for supper and I could eat a hippogriff!" Before they could even stretch a hand out for the handles to the front doors, they fly open and reveal a vibrant young lady. Her flyaway hair matches the auburn of H.C.'s and her eyes are the same mysterious grey. About to give them both an enormous hug, she catches herself at the sight of them. Her widening eyes go from the gravy stains on H.C.'s tunic to the incredibly pale face of Schurr. "What an absolute state you're both in. Come inside before Mother catches you." Stepping aside, she ushers them in and waves a thank you to the coachman who begins to drive the carriage away. After H.C. has changed into clean clothes and Schurr has had a warm soak, they all meet in the dining room for supper. At the grand oak table, H.C. sits beside the lady from earlier while Schurr, with some color in his face again, sits opposite her. "Well, did you find anything Henry?" She leans in conspiratorially with a grin on her face, expectantly waiting for 43

QUIBBLER INSERT juicy details. Her attempt at gleaning some information is almost immediately derailed by the entrance of the owner of the house. "I hope you haven't been bothering them Eleanor," sweeping in through the door to the dining room, a very proper-looking woman in a flowing royal blue gown and bronze accents appraises the other three. The grey in her carefully done-up dark-brown hair gives her a rather wise and regal look. "Mother, I would never do such a thing," Eleanor gives her mother a look of doe-eyed innocence that no one in the room buys for a moment. Even the butler by the door cracks the smallest smile at the obvious fib. "And Andrew, how lovely it is to see you again. Stay the night this time, won't you dear?" Schurr goes a rather darker shade of pink than the occasion warrants but is saved from replying when the staff brings in the soup. The rest of the evening passes rather quickly with very little incident aside from a carelessly flung spoon when Eleanor became a little too enthusiastic at the thought of trifle. Her mother, clearly used to her moments of unlady-like behaviour, merely gave her a nod to pick it up but otherwise disregarded it. When at last the meal concludes and Eleanor contentedly massages her full stomach, her mother adjourns to her bed chambers and the rest of them move to the living room. Finally free to relax a little, Eleanor plops herself straight onto the cushions at the foot of the lounging couch while Andrew begins to stoke a fire to keep them warm. Henry moves to sit in an armchair to the side of the fireplace. "Today was fruitful, we got very lucky," Henry sounds thoughtful and, although fully in the beginnings of a food coma, Eleanor sits up gingerly at his words and grins at him. Andrew, still feeding the fire, looks up attentively. "We've got a client." A Dark And Stormy Night The sun shone brightly the next day as the three friends, yawning, gathered supplies for the journey ahead. As Henry had explained the previous night, their new client lived in another town at least a day's ride from the house so they would need food and water for the trip there as well as the trip back. Andrew was already looking a little peaky at the mention of eating on the road but Eleanor was practically bouncing off the walls. This was her first case in months as she could rarely convince her mother to allow her to borrow the carriage for so long. "Are you certain your mum is fine with this?" Andrew, still pale, started to follow Henry and Eleanor reluctantly into the carriage. At the reassurance of his two friends, he finally closed the door and they were off. The carriage passed by shops in the town and bumped on the cobblestone road but, before Andrew could really change color, they were bouncing along a dirt road alongside vast meadows and grassy knolls. The ride, while reasonably smooth, is still enough to make Andrew blend in with the vegetation when they finally come to a stop for lunch. Although the other two dig into their sandwiches with gusto, their ill compatriot opts for the safer meal of plain bread and water. Much too soon for his taste, they soon packed back into the carriage and off again. "Never....again...." Andrew wheezes, tumbling out of the carriage in dramatic ill health. "This place is....quaint...." Eleanor, stepping over Andrew, looks around the mostly empty village with thinly veiled disappointment. There are cracks in the streets and the gutter is filled with unmentionable substances. The few people who loiter on the corners look tired and grubby. "Yes, smell the fresh air! It's this way, follow me." Only Henry is in good spirits as he bounds out of the carriage. His face alight with the promise of a new adventure, the young wizard leads his sister and best friend forward down the road. 44

INSERT QUIBBLER When the trio finally arrive at a shack on the edge of town, all of their muted griping turns into quiet anticipation as Henry steps forward and knocks on the door. A minute passes, then two. He knocks again. There is still no answer but, listening closely, they hear the sharp sound of metal on metal from the back of the shack. Curious, Henry motions for the other two to be quiet and begins to tip-toe towards the sound. It grows louder as they get nearer and Henry silently calls a halt by holding up his hand. Not actually paying him any attention, Eleanor continues to tip-toe past him until she's at the entrance to a small hut in the shack's backyard. Shaking his head at his sister's brazenness, Henry motions Andrew to follow him and walks right up to the door. Raising his hand irritatedly to knock on this door, Henry is shocked to find himself met only with air as he topples into the hut. "Quite the entrance you three make," the voice is sandpaper, jagged and grainy as though it has not been used in many months. This texture can also be attributed to the absolute cloud of smoke which hovers at lung-height throughout the room. The owner of the voice, a bent and ragged old woman, appraises them from her seated position at the forge. In the furnace, a white-hot piece of metal glows. Pleasantries out of the way, the three travelers draw up chairs and she explains her predicament. She first heard about Henry, Eleanor, and Andrew while on holiday with her niece. Although neither of them had ever met the trio, they learned plenty about their adventures through a traveling band of players who performed at the tavern where they were staying. Fascinated, she and her niece came every night of their holiday to hear more but hadn't thought much of them until last week. "What happened last week?" Andrew leaned forward, the better to hear her. All had been quiet at the house until last week when the old woman had heard the shattering of a window in the middle of the night. Waking up and hurrying to light a candle, she searched the whole of her small house until she found the culprit. The mirror in the guest bathroom had broken. "I checked for ghosts, ghouls, and poltergeists," she insists worriedly. None of the common apparitions appeared to be the identity of the rogue troublemaker so, throwing caution and an owl to the wind, she'd called upon the services of the three sitting before her. "Although you look younger than I'd anticipated," she looked thoughtfully at their youthful visages; Andrew's blushing redder at the mention. "I assure you, we're up to the task," he said a little stiffly and she laughed at his tone. Henry, Eleanor, and Andrew were given a brief tour of the shack and hut before the old woman left them to their investigation. They checked all of the windows for signs of forced entry, the cabinets for left-over boggarts, and the drapes for pesky pixies that might have escaped notice. All were empty and appeared normal. After a long day of searching, they were forced to admit that this particular case required an overnight stay. Andrew, in particular, was unhappy with this turn of events. "Do we even have enough to eat for the next few days? Maybe we should head home now and come back next week," he offered hopefully from beside the front door as a crack of lightning sounded outside and the roof shuddered from the rain. "Absolutely not. We can do this in under twenty-four hours and then she'll give us enough to survive the journey back. Isn't that right Henry?" Eleanor, more than a little excited at the prospect of staying overnight in a potentially haunted house, brushed aside his concerns and turned to her brother for confirmation. Henry merely nodded as he performed a few spells which would alert them to movement either inside or outside the house from any being. Snugger than bugs in rugs, the three settled down for a wakeful night.

A POEM BY MJENIOUS

Breathe Construct a parachute Let the air bring you to another world Let it wake you up You drift from one world to another Transient spaces locked in your mind You travel the world in a night And wake exactly where you started Take yourself in This moment, we seem to be Living, existing Breathing The fear isn't real An expectation of things unseen I create my own safety I take up space Take it in Fill your lungs with acceptance Breathe.

FIENDFYRE I look at the world And I see it burn I look at myself And it was my turn My tongue had slipped For fire enveloped me I looked like an immortal Who was dying slowly The fire is inevitable And painful too Why did I think I’d live For I would rather die for you You got to escape And see me dance in fire Don’t miss me But do admire Some part of me Is glad I’m dying For I can’t live with guilt And so I’m crying If you ever tell my story Warn some about the spell That can bring ruins For into the trap I fell Don’t play with fire You might set the clock That ticks towards your death And your stupidity will mock. Written by Milomi.

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DIVINATION QUIBBLER

THE ULTIMATE FUTURE: YOUR FORTUNE COOKIE Everyone is constantly worried about the future. Some people muster up their courage and meet a Seer. They will painstakingly sit in a room filled with fumes and aromas to hear the words “You will succeed!” or “You will find love someday!”. However, divination is a very vague art, and Seers say it requires a lot of skill. We have been believing them out of the goodness of our hearts, and we have come to a point where we no longer rely on them to spout out one-liners. We rely on them for prophecies. This however, is a short quiz that you can take to spout out one-liners. 1) How are you feeling right now? • Optimistic • Sleepy • Depressed • Dead (assuming ghosts can read) • Lazy

3) How old are you? • Under 18 • 18-25 • 26-37 • 38-49 • 50-70 • 71 and above 4) How do you relax? • I sleep • I read a book • I watch Muggle television • I don’t • I play a game • I go shopping

2) Which month were you born in? • January • February • March • April • May • June • July • August • September • October • November • December

QUIBBLER DIVINATION 5) Which of these is most likely to be your next pet? • A dragon • A Niffler • A puppy • An acromantula • A bowtruckle • An owl • A cat • I don’t like pets

1) How are you feeling right now? • Optimistic: On the 14th of October, you will... • Sleepy: In the very next week, you might... • Depressed: You must beware the Ides of December because... • Dead (assuming ghosts can read): Be ready to meet your destiny exactly a year from today since you will... • Lazy: Six days from today, you will… 2) Which month were you born in? • January: be forced to fight against your enemy... • February: find a soulmate... • March: you will hurt yourself... • April: be faced with a dilemma... • May: meet with success... • June: meet somebody unexpectedly... • July: be scolded at... • August: come close to death... • September: find a treasure... • October: move houses... • November: receive a present... • December: discover a truth…

6) What would be your Muggle occupation? • Author/illustrator • Scientist • Doctor • Engineer • Athlete • Teacher • Computer Engineer • Chef • Businessman • Lawyer • Other 7) Which accessory most suits you? • A necklace • An eyepatch • A earring • A bandanna • A cap • A ring • Something made by you If you answered these questions honestly, your prediction is ready! Match your answers with the ones below. Each answer for every question gives a different prediction once you piece all your answers together.

3) How old are you? • Under 18: while wearing trending fashion... • 18-25: while tripping in your new shoes... • 26-37: while trying to find your clothes... • 38-49: while wearing the clothes you wore the day before... • 50-70: while wearing clothes that are grey, beige, blue and pink in colour... • 71 and above: while admiring recent trending clothes…

DIVINATION QUIBBLER 4) How do you relax? • I sleep: but the next day you will be part of a dream... • I read a book: but in the following days, you will find a passion... • I watch Muggle television: but you will have conflicting emotions... • I don’t: but you will finally get some rest... • I play a game: but you will find a new hobby... • I go shopping: but you will come across something weird…

6) What would be your Muggle occupation? • Author/illustrator: as you run around in circles... • Scientist: as you ponder over the true meaning of life... • Doctor: as you channel your inner strength... • Engineer: as you prove your intelligence... • Athlete: as you sprint away from all troubles... • Teacher: as you logically explain yourself the how and why... • Computer Engineer: as you try to help someone in need... • Chef: as you eat the best food... • Businessman: as you find a Sickle on the street... • Lawyer: as you resolve some issues... • Other: as you trip on a stone and fall... 7) Which accessory most suits you? • A necklace: only to realize your true purpose! • An eyepatch: only to see the beacon of hope! • A earring: only to realize how the world works! • A bandanna: only to recognize who you truly are! • A cap: only to uncover a secret! • A ring: only to realize how great you can be!

5) Which of these is most likely to be your next pet? • A dragon: and your voice will become squeaky for a minute... • A Niffler: and you might embarrass yourself.. • A puppy: and you will regret something... • An acromantula: and you will see a dream come true... • A bowtruckle: and you will realize your true calling... • An owl: and you will get an owl... • A cat: and you will get a stomach ache after eating something you weren’t supposed to... • I don’t like pets: and a pigeon might drop their faeces on your clothes…

And there you have it, the ultimate future! Let this prophecy guide you but not confuse you. Don’t think about it too much, everything will fall in place. If you are feeling discouraged, remember that people have had it worse. People have been cursed and banished and they have cried all day long. Hopefully, that won’t happen to you. That is only if you are innocent. Are you innocent? Are we innocent? Is anyone innocent? Written by Milomi.

QUIBBLER INSERT

Do YOU have burning questions for our resident Seer and fairy, Madam Starflash? Got yourself in a relationship with a Vampire and don’t know if it’s going to work out? Debating on using a love potion on your biggest crush? Have a bully you’d love to get rid off? Don’t hesitate to ask! Madam Starflash ALWAYS has the right answer for you! Contact her in Divination Tower at /r/TheQuibbler now with your desperate questions! 54

DIVINATION QUIBBLER

k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm Dear Madam Starflash,

Dear Madam Starflash,

Which type of Halloween costume do you think would fit me and my aura best?

I found a frog and I want to bring it home, but I am so allergic to frogs that any time I touch one I have a seizure, what do I do?

Sincerely, Costume Brainstormer Dearest Costume, You should dress as a beautiful fairy with purple wings. Use lots of glitter. And I do mean LOTS. May Fortune smile upon you! Dear Madam Starflash, People keep bullying me because I am disabled. What should I do? Sincerely, Lost and Confused Dearest Lost, I am so sorry to hear that you are being bullied. Usually I recommend simple prank spells and potions as a fun retaliation. However. Bullying is no joke, and neither is disability. First, tell someone you trust what is going on. Then, educate the people who are treating you badly. Teach them about your disability, and I See an apology in your future. And if that doesn’t work, Trip Jinxes and Ton-Tongue Toffees are (mostly) harmless. May Fortune smile upon you!

Sincerely, Frog Friend Dearest Friend, This is an easy one. First, get away from the frog. Second, leave it alone. Third, GO WASH YOUR HANDS. May Fortune smile upon you! Dear Madam Starflash, Is it wise to trust the stars and destiny? I have met multiple fortune-tellers and Seers in the last month, and they all tell me the same thing. Something bad is about to happen. I’m still scared and freaked out. Should I consider learning Divination? Maybe I will be able to tell the future better. Or maybe I can forget about them and carry on? That would nag me every day. I hope you can advise me and answer my doubts. Thanks and regards, A Superstitious Being Dearest Superstitious, Learning Divination is always important. However, this “bad thing” they keep telling you about is simply a short spell of bad luck you will go through after you break a mirror. Take a Calming Draught to help curb the anxiety you are facing from their false prophecies; none of the “Seers” or “fortune-tellers” you’ve encountered have actually had the Gift. Trust me. Madam Starflash knows all. May Fortune smile upon you!

k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm 55

QUIBBLER DIVINATION

k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm Dear Madam Starflash, My brother and I had a big disagreement. Now we're not talking to each other and I really miss him. How would you suggest I make up with him? Sincerely, Sad Sister Dearest Sister, The way to any man’s heart is through his stomach. Take him a box of his favorite Chocolate Cauldrons and say you’re sorry. That’ll do the trick. May Fortune smile upon you!

k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm 56

INSERT QUIBBLER

57 57

Halloween; Past and Present by cippling_depession

alloween! What is it? What was it? Well, it was originally the Celtic festival of Samhain (Sow-in). The festival took place at the “end of the summer”, the day before the Celtic New Year on November 1st, when the Celts believed that the barrier between our world and that of the spirits was thinnest. This meant that some creatures were able to slip through. However, this day was also one that the Druids (Celtic priests) were able to predict the future more clearly, since otherworldly spirits were present. So Druids built huge, sacred bonfires to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to their deities. During this celebration of sorts, the Celts were known to wear costumes, largely consisting of animal heads and skins. But then the Roman Empire conquered most of the Celtic territory. Over the course of 400 years, two Roman festivals were said to have merged with Samhain. The first of these festivals was called Feralia, a day in late October when the Romans would commemorate the deceased. The second was a day where Romans honored Pomona, the goddess of fruit and trees. Her symbol is the apple, which is why some believe that we go bobbing for apples as part of the day's festivities.

Years later, on the 13th of May, Pope Boniface IV dedicated the Pantheon to all Christian martyrs, naming the day All Martyrs Day. Later, Pope Gregory III moved the day to the first of November and changed it to All Saints Day. In the ninth century, when Christianity started influencing Celtic lands, some of the Celtic rites blended with and were supplanted by Christian rites. In the year 1000 A.D., the church made the day All Souls Day on November 2nd, to honor the dead. Many believe that the church was trying to replace the Celtic festival with a church-sanctioned holiday. The celebration was, indeed, quite similar, with bonfires and costumes. Though the costumes became more related to angels, devils, and the like. This holiday was also referred to as All-hallows of All-hallowmas, from Middle English Alholomesse, meaning All Saints Day. The night before, which was once Samhain, was being referred to as All-Hallows Eve. The name Halloween (the suffix -een being a contraction of “eve” or “evening before”) became 58

more widely known when Robert Burns published his poem of the same name in 1785. The holiday traveled to America, where it became very popular in Maryland. The first American celebrations included “play parties” where friends would share stories of the dead, tell fortunes, sing, and dance. These colonial Halloween festivities also featured ghost stories and mischief-making. However, not many in America were celebrating this day. It was only when the surge of Irish immigrants came that this holiday spread nationally and became popular. The main modern traditions of Halloween are, of course, trickor-treating, dressing up, and giving out candy. But why? Well, trick-or-treating is thought to be inspired by when those in England would beg for “soul cakes”, named so because you were to pray for the families dead relatives if they gave you one of these cakes. The practice became known as “going a-souling” and was taken up by children as a means to get ale, food, and money. People wearing costumes is also historical. For people believed that on Halloween, if you left your home you may encounter a ghost, which caused people to wear masks, so ghosts would mistake them as spirits and leave them be. To keep their houses safe, people left out bowls of food so ghosts would not enter their home. Nowadays, the celebration has changed from religious to frivolous. A quarter of the candy sold annually in the US goes towards Halloween. In 2017, 16% of people bought pet costumes. The next year 20% did. We carve jack-o-lanterns, though most don’t know why. The record for most-lit jack-o-lanterns on display is 30,581. Funnily enough, this year we have another full moon-ed Halloween to look forward to, which only happens about every nineteen years. So this year, celebrate! But keep in mind why. For the ghosts that come back will not forget. And when you find yourself on the other side of the veil, have faith and be patient. You need only wait for Samhain.

INSERT QUIBBLER

alloween is right around the corner. A holiday when Muggles dress up, sometimes as wizards! I thought I’d share a fun legend of the history behind jack-o-lanterns to get in the spirit of the holiday. Jack invited the Devil to have a drink with him. However, to avoid using his own money to pay for the drink, he convinced the Devil to turn into a coin, offering his soul to convince him. The Devil obliged, but Jack had tricked him. He put the money in his pocket, next to a silver cross, preventing the Devil from changing back. Jack eventually let the Devil go under the condition that he would not bother Jack for a year. But a year later, Jack ran across the Devil again, this time in a field. The Devil was not happy and tried to collect what he was owed. Jack, still as clever as before, told the Devil that he would go, but before he did, he asked for an apple from a nearby tree.

The Devil had no problem with this, after all, he would be getting Jack’s soul. But when he was up in the tree’s branches, Jack carved a cross into the trunk. He made the Devil promise to not collect his soul when he died. The Devil, trapped as he was, saw no way around this predicament. He agreed.

by cipp ling_ depession

When Stingy Jack finally died, he waited outside the Gates of Heaven. But he was refused for his horrible ways. He was sent to Hell, but the Devil would not let him in. He had agreed to not claim Jack’s soul. Jack cried out to him, “But where do I go?” And the Devil, filled with spiteful glee, told him. “Back to where you came from!” The way back was windy, cold, and dark as the deepest pits of Hell. Jack was given but a single coal, which he carried in a hollowed-out turnip. From then on, Stingy Jack was doomed to roam the Earth forever, without a final resting place, having only his turnip-lamp to keep the shadows at bay. Wow, do Muggles have a strong sense of imagination. Thankfully, as we all know, it was only a bad-tempered witch with an unhealthy habit of lighting vegetables on fire that started the tradition of jack-o-lanterns.

late 1900’s that a goblin ever served at the ministry as the head of the Goblin Liaison office, through the efforts of the then head of the Committee for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, Hermione Granger-Weasley. This radical decision was met with harsh criticism from many of the more... ancient houses. Their cries found support amongst those who were more concerned with the status quo than progressive moves that advance our wizarding community into a new era.

For generations we have entrusted the management of our wealth into the long fingered hands of our Goblin brethren. They work tirelessly, counting our coins, our gems, and our heirlooms. They craft items with an eye for detail that put our hands to shame. Yet in spite of the responsibility and awe we give their work, many of us seldom give this population a second thought. Why? Because that is how it has always been. “Because that is how it has always been” is not a valid reason. Goblin-kind clock into their work everyday, tend to their homes, their young, and take their lessons. Most Goblins even display their own brand of magical ability that many experts say would rival our own in quality, if it was not for our restrictive wand and magical education laws. Our refusal to grant goblins proper access to magical tools such as wands was the critical issue that led to the 18th century Goblin Rebellion led by Urg “the unclean”. In fact we teach of our victories to all of our students. The late professor Binns, took a great interest in sharing this very biased version of history for many a decade at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry; with educational materials stating that the rebellious attitudes were ended after appeasing the goblins by entrusting them with the foundation of our mighty economy. For a time it was a great step forward but here we stand, three centuries later, and the line has not advanced. Goblins control the majority of our economy, we see them with our eyes often, but fail to realize the cruel manner in which we still regard them. It was not until the 60

What would our already confined world look like if we sought to elevate those beings who for generations have proven themselves of similar intelligence to ourselves? These conversations could be expanded to the Centaurs and Merpeople as well. What if, instead of trying to regulate the existence of these intelligent creatures, we sought to build bridges and to abolish the underlying current of hostility and superiority that sits just under the surface of many of our hearts. For the love of a Galleon, we keep an entire species under our thumb. They are good enough to do the work, and make our stuff, but not good enough to sit at our table. Many a magic folk would suggest that they harbour no ill feelings towards Goblins, yet I have seldom seen a wizard and a goblin hold a conversation that was not transactional in nature. Goblins sit at their tables and we sit at ours. In our magical communities, I do not see Goblin homes amongst ours. They are relegated to the more undesirable parts of the community. On our high holidays like All Hallows’ eve, I see our children running around dressed up as many creatures including goblins, and their impersonations if looked upon critically would be nothing more than derogatory at best. For the love of a Galleon, we tell ourselves that all is well. At the moment there is no open rebellion. The question that we are left with then, is simply, when will they rise up? They are not unintelligent creatures, I am certain that they will read this, I am certain that their young will ask, “Why are we differ-

ent?” A day is coming, my brothers and sisters, when their questions will demand an answer. There will be a day that our answer of “that is the way that it has always been,” will not be adequate. A rebellion will happen again as our history is cyclical at best. The next one, however, will not be like the last, they control the entire economy and we have become like the muggles, obsessed with our stockpiling of wealth. Well guess what, the goblins have been the master of the stockpile for longer than we have been waving sticks and making sparks. We have an opportunity now to address these issues, not because we want to act preemptively, but because we want to do the right thing. For the love of a Galleon, let us seek to move the needle, not by magic, but by our might, our will, our desire for a better world. Do not be satisfied with “the way things have been;” instead, let us put more magic into the world. What can you do? Owl your concerns to the Department of Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures. This is an easy step that can ensure that your voice is heard. If enough voices cry out, then our Ministry has to respond. This will also show your willingness to stand for what is right to our Goblin neighbours, to our children, and to our world. This is not because we have to but it is because it is the right thing to do.

EDUCATION QUIBBLER

Witches

Wizards

Equal at Last? by A_Syed

s a muggle-born, I had spent the first eleven years of my life receiving taunts from boys and being told that they liked me. I had ridiculous restrictions which boys didn’t have - wear this length of dresses and not a millimeter shorter, don’t speak unless you’re spoken to, help clean up after dinner. When I got my Hogwarts letter, I thought things would be different. Alas, I was proven wrong. Fleur Delacour - the woman who used one sleeping charm when it takes at least six grown men to stun a dragon - came in the last place in the Triwizard Tournament, despite Viktor Krum, Cedric Diggory and Harry Potter using substandard ways to get what they wanted. There was absolutely no support for girls at Hogwarts. As a Slytherin, was I supposed to go to Snape if I had a feminine issue? I relied on substandard gossip from my friends and letters from my mum to understand what was going on with me, and I feel things could have been so much better if

Hogwarts just had a better education system. I spoke to Susan Bones and Hermione Granger recently, both of whom feel very strongly about this issue. They also added that they do not get paid as well as their male counterparts, and this is yet another issue to add to the growing pile of anti-female sentiments. Not to mention the overall disapproval of having a cat. Cats are a symbol of femininity - the Egyptians worshipped them. Owls are useful, sure, but how are toads better than cats? This is just anti-feminist propaganda. We are living in an age of progression, and I think it’s high time women get all that we deserve. Aren’t we witches? Aren’t people like Ginny ‘Bat Bogey Hex’ Weasley, Minister Hermione Granger, and Justice Susan Bones proof that we’re not just good enough, but that the institutions will crumble without them? Two men and two women founded Hogwarts - it was equal then, and it should be equal now.

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by: XanCanStand

Cracking news for all you sweet tooth connoisseurs, history buffs, and card collectors out there! There are new Chocolate Frogâ&#x201E;˘ Cards being added this month! Yes, the collection of 974 cards outlining the lives of famous witches and wizards will be expanding, and will include some not-so-familiar faces. Below are a few of the more obscure international celebrities outlined to get you in the know on who is being spotlighted and finally getting the recognition they deserve.

Keep an eye out for their cards, available soon!

Nanny Adou c. 1686 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; c. 1755

Leader of the Wayward Maroons, Nanny was a legendary tactician, strategist and diviner. By her supernatural guidance the Maroons never lost a battle against British troops and in 1740 she brokered a peace deal between Jamaica and Great Britain. Nanny was allergic to shellfish.

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Former Brujo Mayor of Catemaco

Founded the Congreso Nacional de Brujos de Catemaco, a celebration and public remuneration for magical practitioners the first Friday in March that focuses on the “Ritos, Ceremonias y Artesanías Mágicas”. Aguirre is a Healer and Herbologist. He currently lives with 17 black cats.

1913 – 1971

One of the great monster hunters, Sorcar travelled the globe using the dubious disguise of a world-famous Muggle magician. Sorcar saved the village of Lodai from an infiltration of Nāga. He died in Hokkaidō, Japan fighting a colossal Oni. Sorcar was fond of Muggle cinema.

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c. 1313 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; c. 1427

Co-founder of the Diana Scuola di Stregoneria in Paroldo, Italy, Masche taught Potions, Herbology, Healing, Dueling and Culinary Arts to hundreds of witches and wizards in Northern Italy. Her writings on the subjects are still considered the gold standard today. Masche also invented the calzone.

1905 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 1979

Legendary sportsman, Chand was a chaser for the Jhansi Teevrs for five undefeated seasons. He was also selected to represent on the Indian National Quidditch Team in the 406th Quidditch World Cup where he single-handedly scored a record-breaking 270 points. Chand had a mastery for many other sports as well, from Shuntbumps to Muggle Field Hockey.

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Toadstool Tales:

Wee Willykins and The Hop-pitty Pot O

ne day, many longy years ago, there was a lovely old wizard and his son, Wee Willykins, who lived on a lovely farm in East Sweetsburg. They lived with five beautiful dollies named Cutie, Fruity, Beauty, Sooty and Clyde. They had an old golden cauldron that they used to help the dollies when they got sicky-wicky. The old wizard and the dollies loved each other very much and helped each other with everything, as all bestest friends do! But Wee Willykins was a very naughty boy and was very mean to the poor dollies. He would pull their hair very hard and tie their shoelaces in really tight knots! What a meany-weeny!

"We didn't make your daddy leave," cried Cutie. "Yes," said Fruity, "he did that all by himself!" Wee Willykins didn't believe the dollies, even though the dollies were kind and lovely and never lied! He thought up a meany-bad plan to get revenge on the poor dollies and set out to put Peppermint Pops under their beds — oh no! Luckily,

"Why would you make my daddy leave!" Wee Willykins shouted, "We were going to have a singsong tomorrow!"

Oh, Wee Willykins, come here! You are being a meanie-wee! To put Peppermint Pops in The dollies' beds would be very mean indeed! Because you have been such a grumpy-bumpy-boo, And been very inconsiderate to these poor, poor dollies, Who were your daddy's friends and he loves very much! I think that you should apologize! Then Wee Willykins suddenly had a big smiley on his facey and turned to the dollies, "I'm so sorry that I was meany to you all! The cauldron has made me realize that I was very bad and now I am good." All the dollies laughed and Wee Willykins whistled in joy!

Our story starts on a bright sunny day and the old wizard said, "I'm going on a trip to Lovelyland. I'll be back in a month! If anything goes wrong, my cauldron will set things right!" Of course the dollies were very polite and cried, "We will miss you very much, but we understand that people can do whatever they like as long as it is not illegal or hurts others!" Wee Willykins was very grumpy at this and blamed the dollies for his daddy's trip!

very horridumptious! I think I better teach you a lesson!" And with that, the pot burst into song:

the old wizard's pot was watching Wee Willykins. "Willykins!" The pot said loudly, "Would your daddy like you to do that to the dollies?" The pot suddenly sprouted large golden legs and arms and walked over to Wee Willykins. "You are being very,

Then the little golden pot danced with delight – hoppitty hoppitty hop! – on its tiny rosy toes! Wee Willykins had realised he was a very meany-weeny person and the little pot was so happy that it filled up with sweeties for Wee Willykins and the dollies! “But don’t forget to brush your teethy-pegs!” cried the pot. And Wee Willykins kissed and huggled the hop-pitty pot and promised always to help the dollies and never to be an old grumpy-wumpkins again.

The End

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WE DIDN’T START

THE SNEKHOUSE This is a parody of the famous Muggle song ‘We Didn’t Start The Fire’ by Billy Joel, to portray some of the members of Slytherin!

We didn’t start the SnekHouse But we’ve been fighting We are delighting

Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors We all know which one is best SlytherSnek of course!

Need to add another verse, too many people Together we are strong, not at all feeble

Mombowss, Elbowss, Mindputee, Kemistreekat Im_Finally_Free Poopy, Stock Parfait Rhino fights with Meepster, Poopy always bans people Permagrinfalcon, Silvertail8 SlytherinBuckeye, meddleofmycause Saraberry, PurpleCloaker, CynicForever, blxckfire TipsyTippett,Twidda, Quip and Loki SinsationalDoom, auntiebra, Enovara, nike We didn’t start the SnekHouse It was always snekking Since the world’s been turning We didn’t start the SnekHouse But we’ve been fighting We are delighting Dracomalfboy, Gargoyle, Lumos and MarxOr Deranged Booty, Aurum, Dracomalfoytrash Outraged Piglet, suffer-cait Hope they do not suffocate Swqmb,VinumCupio, Unaltered Cube RUN We didn’t start the SnekHouse It was always snekking Since the world’s been turning

The_marauders_snape, Milomi10, RunForrestRun ICantReachTheOctave, uhhh nor can I Aetherene, Frogoman, Alfie Stoppani Asteroria, sabine girl,WE’RE OUT OF THIS WORLD ‘Cause we didn’t start the SnekHouse It was always snekking Since the world’s been turning We didn’t start the SnekHouse But we’ve been fighting We are delighting We didn’t start the SnekHouse It’s been revolution Everyday We didn’t start the greatness It’s there in our blood We are all buds! We didn’t start the SnekHouse But we’re the future And we are cooler We didn’t start the Reddit But we’ve taken the test Result:WE ARE BEST! -Milomi10

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TO LIFE S E M O C EN HALLOWE

d lly assemble fu e rc fo re e w ting pumpkins e of a haun c n a tr n e e near th play. act a short n e to se u o h ins began: The pumpk

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Alholowmesse

SECRET by cippling_depession Headless men with pumpkins instead Ride on horses on lamplit roads Not alive, surely, but not really dead Speaking in tongues, in codes Black cats with luckless legacies Hiss in fright as you creep by In shadows they keep jealousies But soon free, their night is nigh Witches with warts and rotting brooms Eating children and making brews Nonsense we’ve adapted all too soon Far too late to say “Adieu” The truth is known to us alone Others would run in fear and fright We know the ghosts speak, not moan Unless it’s her, diving out of sight This year, unlike eighteen before The moon full and filled with power Won’t happen for eighteen more Gone at the twelfth hour Spells, hexes, jinxes, curse! On Halloween, nothing worse

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A Roundup of 10 Muggle Pop-Culture References

to Confuse the Heck Out of the Purebloods 1. Playing the Macarena in public, doing the dance, and screaming, “AYYY MACARENA!” (credit: @whatthebuckybarnes) 2. When called mudblood, lick your hand, put it on the pureblood in question’s face, and say, “got mud on your face, you big disgrace,” before waiting for your squad to reply, “SOMEONE BETTER PUT YOU BACK INTO YOUR PLACE,” with all the STOMP STOMP CLAP-ing. (credit: @dick-jenga & @ forgivensam) 3. Pureblood: let’s get down to business Muggleborn: to defeat the Huns Your squad: DID THEY SEND ME DAUGHTERS WHEN I ASKED FOR SONS? (credit: @harry-is-lily-ginny-is-james) 4. Gifting purebloods crocs and telling them that they are the ‘highest quality of shoes muggle money can buy.’ (credit: @darlinghogwarts) 5. Organize a flashmob and dance to YMCA with your squad (credit: @sirusish) 6. A howler asking, “what team?” so your squad can reply, “WILDCATS” while the purebloods are left to wonder what’s going on. (credit: @sketch-elf) 7. Alternatively, a howler asking, “you know what to do with that big fat butt,” so your squad can reply, “WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE,” while doing the dance. 8. Muggleborns in astrology: debate about the planetary status of Pluto and mutter, ‘space, the final frontier’ to freak the purebloods out. (credit: @i-am-benedict-cumberlocked & @tbcat) 9. Use Morse code, Gallifreyan, and Tolkien Elvish to not only wrack the hell out of the Ancient Runes teacher’s brain but to cheat on tests, gossip, etc 10. Rap battles, because come on… you can’t sing that fast without magic! 71

HOPES AND DREAMS Hope is neglected. Neglected, always. It does not occur to us, often, of hope's absolute importance when we swim in situations saturated with it. It is, like other elements of life, missed, wanted and woefully unappreciated until its absence. For when it isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t present, all you can ever wonder is of the time when it was there, the time when you were happy.

Why Hope? Why Dream?

Each end of these questions begins with a string of possibilities. Problems which question our capabilities, our strength, demand solutions. Not all problems can be solved by simply having a hope. No. Hope is something which ignites the thoughts and ideas to create a solution. It gives wings to the possibilities which might come true because of a step taken to solve the problem. It catapults one out of their problem and truly it has not yet, nor will it ever, fail anyone.

For everything that we have, lost, are losing, and are getting, how is hope to be brought here? Hope is not an entity which can be merely brought. It is a mindset, a way of thinking. Nothing ever can bring hope, but instead ignites or inspires it in the entity in question. One has to, themselves, believe in the wonders and possibility of hope. One has to, themselves, realize its importance, its magic, and its power. For hope and dreams are personal to each entity, sewn into oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s heart and into oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mind by one's own hands. Hope can only admit itself into oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life when one is ready to accept it; ready to fight with it. One has to be ready with a dream; ready with the hope of a bright future.

How Hope? How Dream?

What if…?

The needles with the colorful threads of dreams prick into the dreamer’s hands, into their fingers, into their hearts when the threads attempt to write hopes. It hurts. It hurts evermore. ‘What if it doesn’t happen? What if I end up not facing what I had dreamt of, hoped of?’ That is where it plays with you. That is where hope and dreams shatter. Shatter to reveal the veiled mirror of truth and realization. For each, a kind, warm and loving dream flies. And when it doesn't, it was just not meant to be. It hurts, it hurts everlasting. Not one soul would wish to feel pain. Not one soul would wish to crumble under the weight of the shattered and broken dreams. But everything and anything which has a hope, has to see that it is right. Hope cannot succeed ever if it is wrong, harmful and bad. It requires colors of truth and a pure white canvas of heart to truly show what it can do.

What to do?

Actions. Oh, actions. This is where the dreams, hopes and thoughts terminate. This is where people lose them and let them slide out of their hands like falling marbles from a loose string of a necklace. Hopes and dreams demand action. They demand courage. The simple existence of a dream cannot force out actions to accomplish it. One has to, themselves, build up the courage, have faith, and step up to move; to advance, to change. The motivation is their hope. As long as it is kindled in their hearts, nothing can stop them. It is then that they are the warrior, the most powerful one, on the battlefield with thousands of foes against them. But no, they are not to lose, they are to win.

For each, a kind, warm and loving dream flies. And when it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, it was just not meant to be.

The door closed and Alice let out a long breath, stifling a yawn. The hard part was over, now all she had to do was get out inconspicuously. The librarian had left and it was past midnight. This was the perfect opportunity to sneak out the book on Dark Spells and Charms. Earlier in the day, her Divination professor had fallen into a trance and spoken for an hour. The professor’s thoughts were as fragmented as they could be, but Alice managed to scribble down some sentences she understood. After pondering over her notebook and untidy handwriting, she came close to learning what was going to happen. Hogwarts would face something unexpected, brought by a student to avenge his former master. But there was a way to prevent that from happening. One had to get the darkest book and utter one of its spells under a full moon.

Alice Rushmore wasn’t the type of person who would go snooping after bedtime, but another incident occurred which convinced her to find out more. As she was working on her essay, one of her loose papers flew off the table and stuck to the window pane. She went over to retrieve it, and saw something astounding. There was a green circle of light outside the premises. She could not make out any figures, but the circle continued to glow. She squinted to get a better view when the circle exploded and blinded her.

Alice started browsing through the shelves, searching for the book. The first book she took off the shelf immediately sprouted thorns and was dropped in shock. Another book started making noise, and it was slammed shut. Alice delved deeper into the room ignoring the signs around her that said ‘Restricted Section. Do Not Enter’. The more books she encountered, the bigger the pile of discarded books grew. She was about to give up and go back to her dorm, when she saw a green circle of light on one of the books.

Confusion flooded her mind and she began listing down possibilities. In the end, she saw no option but to go to the library and get the book her teacher was talking about. If she told a professor, they would think she was crazy and Dumbledore’s portrait would offer her a lemon sherbet - again.

It was identical to one she had spotted from the window. Alice was pulled to the book like a magnet, and her heart was pounding. Her drooping eyes lit up, and her yawns turned to glee. She lifted the big book gently, placed it on the nearest table, and began to examine it.

Which brought her to the restricted section with a jar of blue flames.

She paged through the thick book, not noticing the green smoke it

emitted. The smoke encircled her, and as she began to breathe it in, it changed her. Alice fingered through the contents, unaware of her surroundings. One of the pages glowed green, and she quickly turned to that part in the book. Her head began to ache as she skimmed through the text. Her eyes were watering and red blisters started erupting on her fingers. Before she realised what was happening, she was floating

in the air. Her skin was a pale, ghastly green. Alice’s shouts were silenced. She writhed in the air, till she fell down. She started walking like she was being led, rather than walking on her own. With the book in one hand and the jar in the other, she walked towards the Forbidden Forest. No one saw her as she walked through the Great Hall and out of the doors. She was dazed, but seemed to

know exactly what to do. Alice found a place outside the forest where she kneeled down and started paging through the book. She didn’t heed the throbbing pain in her arms, or the fact that her legs felt like rubber. After finding the green page, she began a complex series of wand movements and spells. If anyone looked out of their window, they

would see her blowing hair and glowing book. They might’ve even heard her uttering charms if they had listened well. A few minutes later, the final spell was spoken. A green circle of light, similar to the one Alice saw a few days ago, was seen. It burst out from the book and disappeared into the air. Alice Rushmore got up slowly and right when she thought she would be able to walk, she collapsed on the ground.

The next day, her Divination professor found her lying on the grass. She woke Alice up and this time, it was Alice who went into a trance. She gestured to the book and spoke in a raspy voice. She said it was time to prepare. The worst had been postponed, and it could be erased if everyone worked. She didn’t know what was behind the protective blanket of spells that had been cast over the castle. However, something was there, and it was alive. Many people visited Alice during the following week. Students gathered round her to listen to her story and were entranced as she spoke about her trance. Reporters owled in and each asked for an hour of her time. The place was buzzing with stories, every one more fabricated than the last. The book, "Dark Spells and Charms", was locked in the Headmaster’s office and kept in a glass case which was sealed at all times. Not many saw the green circle of light after

that. Those who did would be cornered by the press, but the stories would die down within the week. The Restricted Section was put under many spells and charms to ensure students wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go sneaking around and remained so for a few years. One fine day, John Smith proudly put on his Hufflepuff Prefect badge

and made his way to the library to finish his homework. He sat near the window, it was light and airy there. John studied for two hours at a stretch and decided to go out for a walk before sleeping. There was a nice breeze so he walked over to the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest to a patch of grass. He took a step and something shocking took place. A green circle of light encircled him.

John was lifted into the air by an invisible force as he writhed to break free. Green smoke began clouding his view, and as he breathed it in, he changed. The light exploded, he glowed and was let down, gasping for air. Residues of the green light swirled around and disappeared.

The curse had never really ended.

-Milomi10

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We all know that the BEST holiday is Halloween, that we can all agree on. We can also agree that Back To School can be the scariest part of Fall. But there are countless things about Halloween and Fall, both wonderful and horrible, that seems to split up every friend group. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe me? Grab your friends and play this spooky, Fall edition of Would You Rather! So, without further adoâ&#x20AC;Ś

Face a flock of dementors or scary clowns?

Face off against Grindelwald or Voldemort?

Create a super scary haunted house or a super difficult corn maze? 81

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Decorate your house with floating candles, dripping wax everywhere, or have ghosts roaming around constantly? Have in your house: a friendly ghost who NEVER shuts up, or a mopey one who barely talks? Walk through an abandoned cemetery at night or see The Grim? Become a vampire or a werewolf?

MEET a vampire or a werewolf?

Have a scary costume or a silly one?

Be so scared that you pee your pants or let out the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s biggest fart? 82

Get lost in a corn maze with your worst enemy or fall out of a tree while picking apples?

Show everyone your boggart or your last potions grade?

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Forget your trunk or break your wand on the way to Hogwarts?

Have every class you ever take be as boring as History of Magic or as difficult as Arithmancy?

Get a super embarrassing howler from your mother or have a wardrobe malfunction in front of the great hall?

Miss the Hogwarts Halloween feast or get food poisoning from it? Never be able to celebrate Halloween for the rest of your life or die? 83

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Martin Miggs the

Mad Muggle The Story Behind The Story

By: Skilik

ou know him -- you grew up with him -- his classic comic strip appears every Saturday in the Prophet. Or perhaps you bought his books! Martin Miggs: The Mad Muggle is probably one of the most common fictional characters in most British wizarding homes. This author's personal favourite was issue 37 in which Martin Miggs moved into a new, to him, home that had been abandoned for many years. The place was a mess and completely covered in dust. Instead of charming a broom and dustpan,

instead of casting a reduction spell, Martin devises the solution of sucking all the dust up into a little box that holds a tornado. How? With Martinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s muggle power of Electricity. It was hysterical! Shoving a cord into a wall, making the Electricity ghost mad, and getting a little shocked: what was not to love? Well readers, I have discovered something long kept a secret. Martin Miggs was not always a fictional character but was, in fact, the youngest son of Charles Wiggs, inventor of the Sneakoscope and other Dark Detectors. Martin Wiggs, the real life man upon whom the famous cartoon is based, was no mad muggle but rather a Squib. The original tales were not so original after all, loosely based upon a Squib's life rather than plucked straight from a writer's brain; a story of a man born into

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a magical world but unable to partake in much of it. Martin Wiggs went to a boarding school in London as his siblings went off to Hogwarts. Ridiculed and often shunned by his siblings, Martin moved away from home at the age of sixteen and permanently vowed never to return. For fifteen years, Martin worked in muggle London as a “Postmaster”. This peculiar career, we've discovered through research, is a job where muggles deliver mail to other muggles via a truck (a large car with fewer seats). A job that, in the magical world, is done by birds with relatively little effort, takes hundreds of muggles many hours to take care of. Muggles truly are mad aren't they? But I digress. For those fifteen years, Martin delivered mail and integrated himself with his muggle neighbours. Squibs are a unique subsection of our population; though they do not possess the ability to wield magic, they are blessed with the ability to live in our magical world. The life of a squib often leads to mental disorders and feelings of inadequacy. This is due, in large part, to the inability to fully participate in their community. After many heartrending events of inadequacy, many choose to live the muggle life amongst people to whom they can best relate. Martin grew up in the Wiggs household; a house fueled and maintained by the creation of magical objects and filled with enough structural magic that, even as a squib, he found it easy to forget that he was not magically talented. After a self-imposed exile, Wiggs returned to his family home to find it abandoned. His mother and father had passed away many years prior and his siblings were off living their lives elsewhere. Martin then sought

to restore the home by muggle methods, journaling the experience of converting a magical home to one with muggle devices. The comic featuring Martin Miggs came about when a neighbour came calling, wondering about the wires being hooked into the Wiggs estate. Martin had a difficult time describing the concept of electricity and had the neighbour in stitches as they tried to understand these “mad muggle” inventions. Thus inspired by the hilarity of Martin's antics, the tale of Martin Miggs: The Mad Muggle was born. Martin Miggs, though based on Wiggs, was not a Squib, but a full muggle who moved into an all-wizarding neighbourhood. The often comedic situations were a way for Mr. Wiggs to vent out his frustrations while cracking wise at the differences between muggle and magic life. In later years, the comic continued under a new author Kathy Wiggs, the daughter of Martin and a famed witch credited with many advances in quill technology, such as the “quick quotes quill” (favoured by many of my fellow journalists). Now you know a little bit about Martin, a Squib with a great sense of humour. This has been a look at the true story behind the story. Look forward to our next biographical investigation, travelling to Stinchcombe to study a man named Linfred.

OOPDIDOOP

DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’ Just a muggle girl Livin’ in a lonely world She took the magic train going to Hogwarts Just a wizard boy Born and raised without much joy He took the magic train going to Hogwarts A giant by a murky lake Many boats for them to take With a smile, they can share a ship It goes on and on and on and on Strangers waitin’ Just inside the massive doors Candles floatin’ in the sky Cheerful people Watchin’ just to see the sortin’ First years will be sorted tonight Both of them go to Slytherin Neither seem to quite fit in Payin’ anything to wear the hat just one more time Some will guess, some will bluff Some were born as Hufflepuff Oh, but you never really know ‘Til the hat goes on and on and on and on Strangers waitin’ Just inside the massive doors Candles floatin’ in the sky Cheerful people Watchin’ just to see the sortin’ First years will be sorted tonight

A Parody

Don’t stop believin’ You will like Slytherin Cheerful people Don’t stop believin’ You will Cheerful people Don’t stop believin’ You will like Slytherin Cheerful people

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The Ministry of Magic - the brains

Theodore Blue stumbled into a room

to find an outsider in their midst. He

of the Wizarding World. Hundreds

which wasn’t on the official map of

made his way through the colourful

of wizards and witches pass through

the building. No alarms went off, no

dresses and suits to discover the reason

those doors everyday. Green flames

smoke clouded his vision, no screams.

for this miraculous display of revelry.

greet people and startle some who

Yes, parties are held on occasion, but

pass by the Floo-folks. It’s an absolute

The wizard who saw the Room That

most invitations are Ministry-wide,

frenzy with wizards in flowing robes

Never Was said that, in the room, there

not limited to a select few. Even

and their assistants carrying bundles

was a party. A disco ball in the middle

the invitations for exclusive parties

of papers and the one newbie who

of the room scattered glimmers of

reach Theodore's ears eventually as

stands still, looking lost.

light and emanated loud music which

his mother made it a point to be the

couldn’t be heard from the outside.

center of a veritable hotbed of local

The Minister of Magic is overloaded

The first thing Theodore noticed was

information and fresh gossip.

with work but still manages to keep

the hats. Everyone in the room wore

everything going like clockwork. Owls

a black top-hat, much like that of a

are sent, nervous officials are shouted

Muggle magician. More than a little

at, problems are resolved and new

confused, Theodore continued further

ones arise. All in all, it is a very peaceful

into the room.

place. Everyone was either on their feet and We only get a small glimpse of what

dancing, drinking fruit punch which

actually goes on in the huge building

they grabbed out of thin air, or sitting

but, if you keep your eyes peeled, this

on the couch with a drink discussing

can serve as a scoop of gossip for the

the neighbour’s cats.

week. Theodore was

astonished

his

A few days ago, after The Ministry

findings but none of the party's

had shut down for the evening,

patrons seemed shocked in return

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The

further

into

the

the hope that their philosophy for life

them a new name, new colours,

traveled, the more Theodore realised

would live on long past their mortal

and new tricks. But their hats never

that many people he had seen at

bones. Wizards, they noted, need to be

change.

previously

were

free and let go of all worries; worries

not in attendance. Just as he had this

weigh down those who ought to fly

Every member of The Scenes is

realization, Theodore spotted a friend

freely.

awarded a hat upon joining the club.

exclusive

room

parties

in the corner! Making a beeline to the

It’s sewn to their identity. It’s how they

corner, the confused wizard sat down

As he listened to their waxing on

are recognized. Though they change

and began to bombard his friend with

various subjects, Theodore thought to

themselves for every party and every

questions.

himself that they must be a rebel group;

meeting, they wear the same black

that their thoughts and opinions could

hats.

Apparently, this was an elitely exclusive

not possibly be a representation of

club party. A group called The Scenes

any substantial group of witches and

We found multiple top-hats scattered

invite fifty-one carefully chosen people

wizards. He could not have been more

throughout the Ministry, hidden with

to their weekly parties at different

wrong.

varying degrees of cleverness. Some

venues. It is considered a huge honour

hats are worn through by wear while

to receive an invitation. The Scenes

others are stiff and new. Each hat tells

believe in having fun and taking

a story which we can only guess

risks, that you should grab all

at. We might never know the

opportunities and make the

wizards and witches who

best of things. But every

live another life behind

recipient of an invitation

the scenes.

iis sworn to secrecy, whether or not they

Recently, The Scenes

choose to attend.

were

spotted

a theme park in "The Scenes" goes by

many

Florida, trying to

names,

blend

some of which have appeared Daily

the

Prophet,

While

and

never

of The Ministry speak them

riding

rollercoaster,

high-ranking members about

with

M u g g l e s .

bothered

the they to

reach for their hats and

hushed

those hats never fell off.

tones. Knowing these facts full well, members of the club toast to

Maybe all of this talk is just

themselves and their notoriety at the

rumour and doesn’t bear any kernel

start of every meeting.

of truth. Or maybe The Scenes are already on their way to start a new

Although Theodore refused to tell us

The Scenes travel from place to place

journey. But there is another side to

who he recognized at the party, and

to influence people. They hold parties

everything we see and who knows,

we thought it unwise to press him, we

in unused rooms, old buildings, and

maybe there's a reason why the

were able to glean several more facts

small bars in dark alleys. They walk

Minister never takes off his hat.

about this secretive group.

the streets at night, singing at the top of their voices, laughing on the way. In

In every story we tell, there’s always

Before dinner started, a few members

each place, they gather strength and

a hidden secret, always that one thing

of the club stood to give speeches.

conviction.

we didn't deduce, something which is

They spoke about how they need

kept secret to all. But sometimes, the

to carry on the legacy that has been

Rumours

are

abound

that

they

passed down to them for generations;

have been to eighty-nine countries,

the legacy of laughter and a freedom

apparating from one country to the

to be oneself. They want to make an

next, and bringing about new changes

impact upon the next generation in

with every step. Every journey earns

charm is in the secret.

Written by Milomi

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or sports bikes – how strange!). They featured artwork and certain statistics which players would compare to win. This is my first time getting printed in the Quibbler and I’m so excited! In this column, I’ll be reviewing Wizarding World themed muggle-world articles that are worth a try. You can buy these with muggle money and sometimes you might need to go through gargantuan hassles if you wish to transact “online” due to the lockdowns imposed – what in the good name of Merlin is a "credit card"? Since my childhood, way before my letter for Hogwarts came, I’ve been utterly fascinated by cards of all kinds. We used to live in a neighborhood brimming with muggles so it’s only to be expected that I developed a keen interest in their ways and habits. One of these was collecting and trading cards. These card decks belonged to a “franchise” – a theme based around a certain form of entertainment (like wrestling

I picked it up as a hobby to collect cards around what they called "cartoons". They looked cute. It is highly unlikely that muggle kids still play with them or collect them, given the transformation I’ve witnessed summer by summer. Now they alarmingly cling to their screens more often than not. I still have my box full of these decks on different franchises back at home, though I don’t bring them to school. (I’ve always smuggled fountain pens and refills into the school to avoid doing assignments with quills so there’s not much space remaining either way – and even though I’m keeping my name anonymous, I still do sincerely hope no professor stumbles upon this piece otherwise we might all be in for a thorough dorm check).

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So you can imagine my surprise when I saw a deck of cards based on Harry Potter! And no, not the wizard we all so love (and being a Gryffindor, we all almost worship – and perhaps I shouldn’t have revealed my house as it just makes the dorm check idea a tad bit scarier). As it so happens, anything related to our world is calle d "Harry Potter" in the Muggle world! The man is a legend, indeed. Now as you might know, if you’ve had the pleasant companionship of muggles, a deck of playing cards, quite unlike collectible or trading cards, has 4 categories. These categories are Spades, Hearts, Diamonds, and Clubs. In this particular product, called (quite primitively) Harry Potter Playing Cards, these four categories are replaced with the four Hogwarts houses. I liked the product at the first glance and when it was delivered, it was everything I expected and more.

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I got in touch with the humble startup to get some information regarding who worked on these cards. The CoverItUp design team works on all their products for official Harry Potter merchandise they make. For this project, the leader was one Dikshita. They have plans to create more Wizarding World products and trading/ collection cards as well! From concept to design and execution, around 7-8 people led the concept and design for the project, and another 6 made sure the concept comes to reality. I commend the art and design team for their great effort. Regarding the cards themselves, there are 52 cards divided into 4 houses (with two joker cards that feature the mark of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named). The “face cards”, which are 11 (Jack), 12 (Queen), and 13 (King) feature elaborate house-themed artworks which are very detailed and beautiful. The four ace cards (A or 1) each feature a prominent artifact from the respective house. There is a mistake which I’ll get to soon. But regardless, the product itself is worth buying and keeping with you.

The cards have a vignette effect. A murky texture surrounds the artwork on the edges. Though not quite of the texture like the parchments I absolutely do not hate when in school (the bloody menace will not stop getting blotted by ink in class!), it’s a quite subtle reminder of Hogwarts. All playing cards have a pattern on their backs. In this case, the pattern is a purple-gold elaboration of the Hogwarts crest. It’s not symmetrical, which is an aesthetic rather dearly missed since a playing card is vertically symmetrical. Besides the back pattern and the four aces, everything else is symmetrical so in case you were to actually play these cards, you won’t be confused.

The numbered cards (2 through 10) all feature repeating iconography of the house mascots. Gryffindor numbered cards feature the symbolic lion. The Slytherin ones have snakes. Ravenclaw's is stamped with its ravens (although eagles are the traditional mascot of Ravenclaw). The Hufflepuff numbered cards feature the badger.

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I find that improvements could’ve been made in the numbered cards iconography. Straying away from the house mascots, each house could’ve depicted something else. Most definitely, no wizard was involved in the process of making these cards as numerous things symbolize Ravenclaw better than, well, the bloody ravens as you all know. And I seriously doubt any muggle has ever actually seen a raven – they’re all so factually incorrect and incoherent in the depiction of the bird. Along with the raven, the badger also doesn’t look attractive. Yes, these are the house mascots, but for playing cards could’ve been traded with something more symbolic. What’s to be considered an indication of a badger on the Hufflepuff cards, specially, makes the entire Hufflepuff set unattractive. Surely the badger stands for loyalty, love, and resilience but on the cards, it depicts utter simplicity. Additionally, as I write this in the Great Hall, I am reminded by my good friend Shaun that the Hufflepuff artwork should have been food. Not that I concur.

That’s it for this issue. Watch this space where I’ll review something even better! I like to buy muggle stuff, especially when it’s themed around our world. It lends us an insight into how well and at the same time, how less the muggles know about us – not that I have any qualms about them knowing less about our world. Ministry folk, ahem, read the last sentence again. I attempt to conjure no trouble.

QUIBBLER FASHION

Hairdo4You

Everyone with at least moderately long hair knows the struggle: you’re trying to read, do the dishes, drive, get groceries and just generally trying to live, but your hair gets in your face and you can’t see anything. Well, fret no more, for these four hairdos will keep your gorgeous locks out of your face, whilst still making you look absolutely stunning! They are surprisingly sturdy as well. Each of these hairdos, after a bit of practice, can survive a full workout. Trust me, I’ve tried. Pencil Updo You will need: a pencil or something similarly shaped. You’re trying to put your hair up in a bun but alas, either your hair tie is broken or you just don’t have one on you, and you’re surrounded by muggles, so a little Accio or Reparo isn’t an option. Well, whip out a pencil or fineliner or other thin, 15-ish cm (6 inch-ish) object and you’re set! You can also use your wand, as long as you’re careful not to accidentally curse your head off! 1. Gather your hair in a high ponytail. 2. Push the fineliner vertically into your hair, with the ‘sharp’ end pointing downwards. 3. Turn the fineliner 180 degrees, so the ‘sharp’ end is now pointing upwards. 4. Carefully turn the fineliner and push the sharp end towards your scalp, and push it down the back of your head. Make sure you don’t scratch open your skin, which can happen if you attempt this hairdo with a particularly sharp pencil. After this step, the ‘sharp’ end is pointing downwards again. • This hairdo will be the most stable if you do step 2-4 in one quick, fluid movement.This might take some practice, but I’m sure you will do marvellously within no time! The QR code links to a very short video with an example. 5. Twist your hair around itself and circle it around the fineliner, between your scalp and the pencil itself. 6. After you run out of hair, pull the end of your hair through one of the loops you have made, to create a knot. Pull firmly so the knot properly tightens. 7. Turn the last bits of your hair around the rest of the knot, tuck it in so you can’t see them anymore, and you’re done! • You can match the colour of your pencil or fineliner with the colour of your clothes. • The images and video show the messy variant of this knot, but you can make it as neat as you want! When practising, I would recommend starting with fineliners. Sharpened pencils are great, but the exposed wood is very rough and makes it difficult to push the pencil through the hair.

FASHION QUIBBLER Half-up, Half-down Circle Braid You will need: one or two bobby pins, preferably in the colour of your hair. Looking for a simple updo that still shows off your gorgeous hair? Look no further than this pretty circle braid! 1. Grab two strands of hair from the side of your face, just above your ear. If you want, you can briefly twist them around each other. 2. Divide the strand into three pieces and braid them together. 3. Starting at the beginning of the braid, roll the braid into a flat circle. 4. Put one bobby pin at the place where your braid ended. If you want, you can add another bobby pin to properly secure your braid. When I did this hairdo for the first time, I used four or five, but now I manage with one or two most days. 5. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re done! Go out looking fabulous!

Full Circle Braid You will need: a handful of bobby pins. The regular circle braid is wonderful, of course, but I work as a cleaner. And when I arrived at work I realised that my hair would fall in the toilet bowl whilst cleaning which… is not really what I want in life. Luckily I had a few extra bobby pins at hand, to create a complete updo and get all my hair out of the way! 1. Make the Half-Up, Half-Down Circle Braid. 2. French braid the rest of your hair. 3. When you can’t reach any further down with your hands, sharply turn your face and pull your braid in the opposite direction. This way, when you continue braiding, your braid will continue to be straight. 4. Pull your braid up and fold it flat against your head around the tiny circle braid, clockwise. Tuck the end of your braid underneath the start of it. • Is your hair long enough to circle around multiple times? Start wide and spiral inwards, so the end of your braid is close to the tiny circle braid. 5. Secure your braid with bobby pins. Start at the end of your braid and work towards the beginning of it (so work counterclockwise). • Add as many bobby pins as you want. The pink lines show where my bobby pins are. 6. Done!

Bobby Pin Updo You will need: one larger bobby pin and one smaller/regular bobby pin This half-up, half-down look uses the same trick as the Pencil Updo does, but on a smaller scale. 1. Grab two strands of hair from the side of your face, just above your ear. Briefly twist them around each other. 2. Push your big bobby pin in your hair with the ‘sharp’ (open) end down, so both strands are contained within the pin. 3. Do the same movement as step 2-4 of the Pencil Updo, but now with the big bobby pin. So, turn it 180 degrees so the ‘sharp’ end is up, turn and push the ‘sharp’ end towards your scalp and down the back of your head. • Be careful, sometimes the end of a bobby pin can literally be sharp. Don’t scratch open your skin! 4. Secure your hairdo with a regular pin, inserted at an angle, and you’re done! • The pink lines on image 4a show where my pins are located.

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HOW TO DRESS LIKE A MUGGLE Witches and wizards have been made to dress like Muggles countless times. Whether it is catching a portkey, or going to a train station, or to avoid looking suspicious in a Muggle neighbourhood. And after so many outings, we fail to look like Muggles and end up looking like weird people who picked out clothes in the dark. Looking like this, we unknowingly embarrass ourselves.

are sagging, wear a belt or fold the bottom part of the trousers that are too long. You can also fold your sleeves up and button them up, and wear a skirt or pants to go with that. If women are wearing oversized shirts (it’s a trend), you can wear shorts, or baggy pants or sweatpants. Sweatpants are a great option if you are working out, or for casual clothing at home. You can wear sweatpants with a hoodie or a sweatshirt. A hoodie is a sweater, but without the zip, and with cooler styles. It satisfies your need for fashionable trends as well as blending in with Muggles.

This is your guide to dressing like a Muggle, and I hope you find it useful. Let’s start with colour schemes first. White shirts can be worn with any coloured bottoms, preferably not white again. However, if you want to start a new trend, go for it! Black shirts can be worn with blue denim or shorts, white too if you like. Blue shirts can be worn with blue again, black or white. Denim is an amazing option if you are wearing something casual, but not if you are planning on wearing something formal. Black bottoms can be worn for every colour. You would want to make sure that your outfit isn’t too ‘busy’. ‘Busy’ means too many patterns or overloaded colours. If I wear a yellow shirt with birds and flowers on it, I wouldn’t wear a white palazzo with polka dots. I would wear denim jeans, or maybe ripped jeans, but not something too jazzy. If your shirt is too long, you can tuck it inside your pants, but be sure not to fully flatten your shirt. Also, make sure your shirt doesn’t wrinkle when you do that. If your trousers 98

fessional, but I suggest you do not trip or fall. You might get hurt. For formal wear, you can wear a shirt with trousers - which is the most common formal wear. You can also wear a formal dress. Note that a formal dress isn’t the kind of dress you would wear to a ball, but a dress you would wear to meet the Muggle President or the Minister of Magic. If you are wearing a shirt and trousers, you can wear a tie and a blazer. A blazer is a formal jacket that makes you look smart. It comes in various colours, I would suggest you wear a plain colour. You can wear a blazer that matches your outfit. If I was wearing a white long sleeved top with maroon pants, I could either wear a maroon blazer or one in grey. Wearing a blazer isn’t necessary, but it helps if you stained your shirt while eating or if you would like to look like a manager. Another kind of casual clothing you can wear is called a jumpsuit. It is usually made of denim. It is a one piece suit with pants and a top. Sometimes it has pants and a top with buttons and two strips which attach the top to the pants. You can wear a t-shirt and the jumpsuit over it. The jumpsuit also comes with shorts or skirts instead of pants.

Ripped jeans are very much in fashion right now. You can wear them with anything: hoodies, t-shirts, tops, instead of wearing the usual jeans. You might feel cold, but it is worth it. Crop tops are short tops, which you can wear with jeans, palazzos, sweatpants if you like and shorts. You can wear a crop top with black jeans and a coat with long boots.

If you like to wear patterned clothes, you can wear flannel - which is made of thin, soft fabric with checkers and comes in different colours. You can wear flannel as a shirt or as a shirt over a t-shirt. You can also tie flannel around your waist if you are feeling too hot. You can wear a white slip with an unbuttoned flannel shirt, with black jeans.

Long boots and short boots, both look great if you aren’t wearing sneakers. Boots make you look pro-

Leggings are like pants but not as loose or rough, made with a different fabric. Leggings come in different co-

INSERT QUIBBLER lours and you can wear them at home with any t-shirts or tops. You can also wear them while exercising. Black leggings can be worn with dresses if you would like. You can wear white sneakers with casual wear. If you are wearing a white t-shirt with a jacket and blue jeans, you can wear white sneakers. Different clothes are worn in different parts of the world, which also change during different seasons. It might seem tough to decide what to wear

wear them properly in an outfit, unless you are at the beach. Don’t wear too many layers during summer, as you’ll end up sweaty and panting. Be sure to wear many layers in winter lest you get frostbite. For accessories, you can wear necklaces, bracelets, and earrings. If you like to wear these, you can wear ones that match with your outfit. A simple necklace can do the charm if you are wearing plain clothes and going out for dinner. That one necklace can brighten yourself up, however hard it is to believe. If you are too confused, just listen to your intuition--no wait, doing that may worsen the situation. These are some tips in case you are too confused:

depending on where you are, where you are going and what time it is. During summer, you would want to wear light colours, and shorts or summer dresses. You can wear a denim jacket or a shrug over your outfit if you feel cold. You can wear sunglasses to shield your eyes from the sun. You can also wear a hat or a cap. By hat, I don’t mean a pointed hat or a wizard’s hat, but a hat with a flat top.

1) Try to blend in, not stand out - unless you are at a fashion show.

2) If it is something that looks odd, avoid wearing that. People might ask you all sorts of questions and will become mad if you ignore them. 3) Do not wear robes, cloaks, top hats, anything charmed, or anything that you would wear in the Wizarding World. 4) Be confident even if you goofed up. If you left home in weird clothes, walk with your head high and enter the next apparel store. Ask someone to help you out and buy new clothes which you can change into. 5) Don’t be too conscious about what you are wearing, it is how Muggle clothes make you feel. If someone questions your fashion sense, tell them that you have too much dirty laundry which you’ll be doing today. If you keep this in mind while you dress up, you’re good to go! Gratitude to all the fashion designers who walk into rooms bundled with coloured sketches and pieces of fabric! And a toast to you readers - the future of fashion!

During winter, you can wear full sleeved clothes, with jeans or leggings or snow pants. You can wear sweaters, a coat and boots depending on how cold it is. You can wear a beanie which is a woolen covering for your head, and some gloves if you need them. To blend in with Muggles, you need to look modern and smart. Polka dots do look awesome, but you should

Written by Milomi. 99

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Marked Masks by XanCanStand

asks have recently come back into fashion, and each witch and wizard should consider what their face shield says about them before wearing the wrong one out in public. The mask is an ancient piece of functional fashion, dating back to prehistory, and they have been used in various ways and contexts: from religious ceremony to protection in battle, as a means of disguise and as a way to show common courtesy by avoiding the spreading of illness.

Let’s say you will be incorporating a mask into your daily appearance from now on. What does your mask say about you? What do you want it to say? First, consider the weighty concept of identity. Who do you consider yourself to be? What kind of person do you want to be perceived as? Do you have a public persona, and is it different from your private one? These questions are universal to all people and are the beginning of wisdom. In Plato’s Apology, Socrates is credited as saying that the unexamined life is not worth

living. Self-awareness is expected of everyone. Spend some time considering who you are. Once you have that sorted out (in part or in whole, or not at all) it’s time to accessorize! Create a mask that compliments your intended identity. Choose a public-facing appearance that says what you want it to say, about you entirely or some small part you wish to underline. You don’t have to pick just one and nothing needs to be perfect, just choose an attribute to get started with. This part of your personality will be brought forth by your mask to let anyone you meet know who you are. There are many ways to do this. Let’s start with colors. Red can be used to signify power, passion, energy, as well as aggression or hunger. Pink represents love, emotion, sympathy, or sexuality. Orange stands for warmth, excitement, youthfulness, and good health. Yellow can declare happiness, optimism, cheerfulness, or caution and cowardice. Green means life, nature, rest, balance, as well as affluence and envy. Blue is described as peaceful, tranquil, trusting and loyal, and cold and clean. And purple is known for royalty, luxury, mystery, creativity and magic. After deciding on your color scheme you can clarify and enhance these traits with symbols. There is

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a symbol for every nuanced characteristic you could possibly want to emphasize. The Victorians developed an entire language just based on flowers. Using floriography, a begonia says you have a fanciful nature, a rhododendron says beware, you are dangerous, or a gladiolus speaks of your strength of character. And there are boundless other signs of semiotics for you to try out beyond the garden. Lastly, you can just spell out what you wish to convey to the world. Ancient runes contain a multitude of ideas packed into a single letter. The wunjō means “joy”. The raidō means “journey”. The īsaz means “ice”. The tīwaz means

“the god Tiwaz". The possibilities are infinite! Or if you want to avoid misunderstanding entirely and go for clarity you can write out in English what you want your face covering to say. It’s all up to you with the power of masks! Show off who you are! Or keep it hidden! Just wear a mask!

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QUIBBLER MAGICAL PLANTS AND CREATURES

Covid-19 and

Endangered Creatures...

Disaster

It all started with a bat in China and some Muggle eating it? However it came to be, Bats were the start. Now, it may spread to our beloved pet bats and species around the world. And not just them. Many other species have been hit by COVID-19. Poachers and animal traffickers alike are taking advantage of the self-isolation by getting out and harming these beautiful animals. Luckily, it’s not all bad. Some creatures are taking advantage of the lack of people, and gaining temporary territory to grow. Here is a list of creatures, magical or otherwise, affected by the outbreak in many ways.

Blessing?

Pets Magical or not, our furry/scaly/feathery/slimy buddies are the most at-risk creatures in the world. “Why?” you may ask? They are constantly around us. Those who were self-isolating took them on numerous walks/flies/ hops/slithers and exposed them to possible infection. When you get home, instead of immediately loving on your pet, take a quick shower first, removing any possible way to harm your best friend. Lions and Tigers With an outbreak in the Bronx Zoo, many fear the future of these large cats. Lions are not as susceptible as tigers in the wild, as they tend to stay away from humans as much as possible. Tigers, however, can be found near humans a lot more, making their exposure in the wild more likely. Steps to protecting all creatures in captivity include cleaning the walls of their enclosures, washing the toys and logs they play on, and wiping down all rails and fencing that the animal may touch or get close to. However, these measures may not be enough for creatures already on the decline. Centaurs You would think that being half-man, Centaurs would be more susceptible to Covid-19, but it would appear the opposite is true. As Centaurs prefer to stay away from wizards, they are less likely to become infected. However their chances are not zero, as the Centaurs in Hogwarts’ Forbidden Forest and a few scattered herds are in close proximity to wizards. Former Hogwarts Divinations teacher and Centaur Ambassador, Firenze, states, “I take every precaution to keep myself and my fellow Centaurs safe. I wear masks like humans, and avoid touching anything if possible.” When asked if he knew when self-isolation would no longer be necessary, he said, “The stars have remained elusive on the subject. One moment, they say it will be months before it has ended, but the next day, the stars will tell me days.” When pressed, Ambassador Firenze simply said that it means that we are close, but no set time can be discerned due to some people ignoring signs and warnings, and their ere causes even the stars to be uncertain.

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Gorillas Gorillas, with their similar physiology to humans, may be at risk for contracting Covid-19. Many parks that house Gorillas have locked the gates simply to keep these creatures safe. With a large number of wild Gorillas in the red, rangers are fighting to keep people and animals safe. Unfortunately, the self-isolation that has many staying home makes it seem like a losing battle, especially with poaching and animal trafficking are on the rise.

Dragons Though usually only near Dragonologists, Dragons seem to be at high risk for Covid-19. Why? That is what many Magizoologists are trying to find out. Charlie Weasley, a Dragonologist, said that everyone at the Romanian Reserve is considered necessary, and that is where the problem lies. Dragonologists, and other Magizoologists stationed at reserves, are unable to self-isolate. Not only that, but their susceptibility may be due to some similarities to bats, but this is unconfirmed.

Golden Snidget These tiny birds are not as safe as one would think. Why? Because any Magical Bird Watcher knows that the Modesty Rabnott Snidget Reservation is the place to see these tiny, fragile birds. For those who go out during this time of self-isolation, Magical Bird Watching seems to be a safe pastime. However, with more and more witches and wizards having time on their hands they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know what to do, many of these areas that would see only a handful of visitors now get numerous amounts. The Snidget is only at risk due to wizards not wanting to be bored.

Honey Bees Bees are doing quite well, for being the smallest creature on this list. In fact, records show that the number of Bee deaths has gone down. Many had feared that Bees kept at Bee Farms would be the most at risk. However, they are thriving. Their natural instincts are to go out and search for nectar. Beekeepers had been giving them sugar water as a substitute so that they could produce more honey faster. But these resilient insects have proven that, if given a break, anyone or anything can bounce back. Conclusion COVID-19 seems to be a mixed bag of good and bad. On one hand, some creatures are at high risk due to location and level of exposure. However, some creatures are at a lower risk for the same reasons. For now, the future of Covid-19 is not set in stone, nor are the fates of these creatures. Be safe, stay home if you are sick, and watch from a distance, for your sake and the wild creatures around you.

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Among many things, the entirely normal desire to be

But this was not the end of the testing! Oh no, you see

seen resides within each of us. With this in mind, I must

when all hope was lost, we were reintroduced to the novel

turn my questioning gaze to Thestrals. Giant, skeletal,

concept of....the Mirror. It's exactly what it sounds like.

reptilian horse-like creatures, they often feed on raw meat

We essentially held a Thestral still in a room, then unveiled

and will sometimes even intercept the unfortunate owl on

a mirror, and took copious notes. While the results were at

a particularly hungry night. Their most peculiar feature, to

first inconclusive, we have found it reasonable to assume that

wizards at least, is their ability to appear entirely invisible

Thestrals can, at the very least, see themselves, because all

to those fortunate enough to not have fully born witness to

five of our Thestrals, when confronted with the mirror, walked

death first hand. This begs the question: can Thestrals see

forward to get a closer look. They even sniffed it a few times

each other?

indicating that they experienced a lack of smell where they

They certainly can smell one another as they have no

were certain one should be. Of course, this could all just be

issues with gathering in a herd and can smell a ripening

conjecture and the thestrals might have been moving forward

carcass from miles away. But are they as ocularly restricted

into an air current but....for now we're going to assume that we

as us and every other magical creature with which they come

have struck figurative gold and move onto writing a long and

into contact? Surely they must be able to see one another as

extensive thesis. This, of course, comes with the customary

meeting in a herd can cause complications; say if there is

begging for more galleons because who doesn't want to fork

a foal at hoof-level or an ill Thestral trips while they gallop

over five hundred galleons to let ten more Thestrals sniff a

across the plains. But this topic has surprisingly never been

mirror?

broached by the magical community at large seeing as how

Our long and extensive write-up of the research thus

most of the population, at least since the fall of You-Know-

far has only yielded a paltry two-hundred galleons which,

Who, cannot see the creatures.

while incredibly generous, is not enough to cover the cost of

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, yours truly has had the

building a safe room in which to test our theories and analyze

pleasure of laying eyes on these magnificent beasts and so I

our findings. This is, in large part, why we have chosen to

thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to conduct

prematurely release our findings to the greater wizarding

a series of tests. Thus, I had a room commissioned with a

world. As much as we don't want to burden the average witch

viewing portal that would allow the room's occupant to look

or wizard, we need your gold to continue with our research.

through to the other side. I also contacted several Magical

The fruits of which could come in many different forms

Creatures enthusiasts including Rubeus Hagrid and Rolf

and benefit us in a myriad of ways we have yet to identify.

Scamander. These enthusiasts were tasked with solving the

Anything from true invisibility cloaks to a window into the

extraordinary problem of shielding the Thestral test subject

realm beyond is possible. But it is only possible with your

from smelling the other Thestral we would have lined up for

help. If you wish to fund the future, please send an owl with

the experiment. Although the task was monumental, these

your donation to Mirrors Without Frames, primarily located in

experts resolved it in under three months and after only going

Inverness, Scotland.

over budget by three-hundred galleons! Although I admit that I might have glazed over when they were explaining the finer

Yours in Reflection,

details of the procedure to me, I have full confidence that their method will work in the actual trials. Of course, while the Thestral appeared unable to smell the other Thestral, the test proved inconclusive since we hadn't accounted for the fact that Thestrals do not present

Roland Robasan

particular greeting rituals that we are aware of. Thus, the entire experiment sort of flew out the window.

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QUIBBLER MAGICAL PLANTS AND CREATURES

Magical Creatures Get ready… there’s more than just Nargles and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks in this edition of the Quibbler. Today we are going to discuss four strange plants and animals muggles have discovered. 1)The Laughing Tree (Plant) Kaladhungi forest in Uttarakhand’s Nainital district hosts a strange tree. This tree laughs when it is touched, tickled or caressed and hence has been named as the ‘laughing tree’ by the locals. It reportedly moves its branches when a person tickles its trunk. Unfortunately, it doesn’t make the sound of laughing. The unusual behaviour of the tree attracts tourists and even researchers. Want to go and see it? Just take a portkey to India. 2) Sparklemuffin (Animal) This is not a magical animal. This is an Australian peacock spider which was discovered inside the woodland forests of Wondul National Park, near Brisbane, in 2015. Scientifically named Maratus Jactatus, Sparklemuffin earned its colloquial name from University of California researcher Madeline Girard, who discovered the species. These colorful spiders measure just five millimeters in length and display a signature mating dance, in which male spiders raise a leg to signal females. These spiders don’t act like your everyday spiders, they behave ANCING PLANT ED H T like cats and dogs, moving around, perceiving and reacting to

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AXOLOTL

their environment. These spiders are venomous, but luckily they can’t puncture human skin. Watch this video for more information: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChlnCTSj294 They’d make a lovely pet for Hagrid, wouldn’t they? Maybe if they were a bit bigger, or they’d be lost in no time. No worries, we’ll just use Engorgio. 3) The Dancing Plant (Plant) No, it's not a Bowtruckle. Also known as the telegraph plant, the dancing plant is native to Southeast Asia. It is typically found thriving and jiving in many tropical countries such as Bangladesh, India, Laos, Thailand, Sri Lanka and more. So take a portkey to one of these countries because you are going to love them. The movement of the leaves resemble telegraphy signals, and yes, their movements are visible. 4) Axolotl (Animal) Looks cute, doesn’t it? I bet Hagrid would do anything to get one of these. Regrettably, his sacrifice would be a complete waste as he would never get to meet his new pet. Axolotls live underwater. However, next time you go to Mexico City, bring some gillyweed and visit Xochimilco lake to see some of these marvelous creatures in person.

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER

New Parent Packages Now Available For Delivery

The Ministry of Magic recently announced the STORKS (Supplementary Tasking of Owls in Raising Kids Successfully) program for new parents of any age or financial standing. STORKS will deliver monthly packages containing an assortment of items that all new parents will find useful, including:

• Miss Delilah’s Magical Diapers

These cloth diapers are enchanted to automatically vanish the contents. However, the enchantment will only last for one day, after which the diaper will have to be changed and washed manually.

• Miss Delilah’s Baby Bath Delicate for baby’s skin, and produces color-changing bubbles!

• Self-Rattling Rattles

These come in a variety of designs, including sets for each Hogwarts House, as well as a set that represents each house equally!

• Self-Swaddling Blankets

• Musical Magical Mobile

This levitating mobile plays an assortment of wizarding lullabies, including flying dragons, Hogwarts House animals, or magical creatures (phoenix, unicorn, griffin, and niffler).

• Firelli’s Finest Formula

For those parents who don’t breastfeed, this formula will provide all of your infant’s nutritional needs.

• Firelli’s Finest Bottles

This set provides options for both breastfeeding parents (including naturally-shaped nipples and pumping supplies) and formula-feeding parents. These bottles are self-sterilizing and only require a rinse before they are ready to be used again! St. Mungo’s will provide an order form at your appointment around the 36th week of pregnancy, and an owl will arrive at your home shortly afterward. Any parents who cannot attend the appointment may send an owl to the Ministry’s Health, Safety, and Life Services Department with a request for an order form. Other packages available include Prematurity Packages (the Ministry will provide these immediately upon being notified of the child’s premature birth), Multiples Packages (for twins, triplets, and more!) and Older Sibling Packages (to help older children adjust to having their new sibling around). For more information about these packages, ask your obstetrician or midwife for a brochure, or send an owl to the Ministry’s Health, Safety, and Life Services Department.

Provided in a variety of colors and patterns, and includes a cotton set for warmer weather as well as a wool set for cold weather!

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Oh, hello there! You all certainly have heard of Halloween before, haven't you? Wizards and muggles from all over the world celebrate Halloween. In Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Halloween could not get any better! Maybe for very few wizards and witches, or maybe muggles or squibs, Halloween might also be remembered the day where You-KnowWho lost his power for the first time, also known as Lily and James Potter's demise. However, do you all know how Halloween traditionally started?

he origin of Halloween dated back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain. The Celts lived 2000 years ago, in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France. Maybe your muggle friend from elementary school may be descended from a Celt, who knows? Anyways, the Celts celebrated their new year on November 1. To the Celts, November 1 marked the end of Summer and the harvest. It also marks the start of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with death. Oh well, You-KnowWho should have chosen that day but, who am I to judge? The Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and dead becomes blurred. Actually, I don't mind seeing my ancestors. Maybe they would like a cup of tea with some Cauldron Cakes? Who knows? On the night of October 31st, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. The Celts also thought that in addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. As the Celts were entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort during the long, dark winter. Well, I blabber too much, do I? If you want to hear some more, you can research the origins of Halloween! Have a great Halloween, my friends! Actually, I don't celebrate Halloween in my country but who cares. Bye!

-Rose

Attempt to break into Gringotts:

Facts and Fiction Gringotts claims that some wizard attempted to break into vault 118, but we are unsure about what actually happened. The wizard in question, Rupert Geller, was accompanied by Anthony Calonne (who was his best friend) while he was at Gringotts. The wizards were interrogated separately at a hearing, and they both have different stories. This is their recount of the incident.

Written by Milomi.

Rupert Geller, the first wizard, told the Ministry that they were playing a friendly game of Do or Duel. Anthony - his partner, dared him to break into the Gringotts bank, or duel to death. Rupert wanted to be sensible, and since he knew Anthony was reckless enough to kill him, he chose the former option. Wise (but also foolish) of him. He didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how much trouble he would get into, but it was the best thing he couldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve done.. He regretted his actions deeply. At this point, Rupert made a movement to clench the sleeves of his robes further down, to hide his shivering arms... or so he said.

This gesture was ignored by most, but some whose thoughts were wild began to come up with theories which were published in a draft of the Daily Prophet. These articles were immediately rejected to spare us from the truth. Anthony Calonne had a story which differed from Geller’s. He started off with how poor he and Rupert were. When they were best friends in school, they would often talk about riches and royalty. The future disagreed with them. They went to meet a Seer, who told them that they must go to Gringotts to vault 974 . Not wanting to disappoint each other, they did go to Gringotts after devising a clever plan to rob the bank. Rupert would go to vault 118 and cause a diversion. While this happened, Anthony would go to vault 974, use the goblin to open the vault, get rid of the goblin, get whatever he could get his hands on and leave. Rupert would then tell a foolproof lie and escape the commotion and chaos. After discussing and mulling over this matter for some time, the Ministry came up with a suitable punishment. The wizards who were forced to stay in the building were thoroughly searched for gold and valuables. Having found nothing, the Ministry decided that a punishment was due. The two wizards will have to clean the whole Ministry, and help out with maintenance for the whole year. They agreed to this, and are working there as you read this. However, some details have been ignored- and some people think that it was done on purpose. Isn’t it suspicious that two wizards try to rob Gringotts without changing their identities? The goblins made no inquiry upon why they wished to see the vaults, nor did the Ministry. Assuming Calonne wasn’t lying, how did the goblins allow him to go to the vault without authorization, and the owner’s wand? Even if he did manage to get hold of the wand, what happened to the security guards? Gringotts tracked down the owner of vault 974, but they haven’t revealed the owner’s identity, and the Ministry hasn’t asked for an investigation. If Geller was speaking the truth, then

This gesture was ignored by most, but some whose thoughts were wild began to come up with theories which were published in...

...a draft of the Daily Prophet. These articles were immediately rejected to spare us from the truth.

what you saw, but I saw lies. The nerve young wizards have these days! Something is cooking. Something is wrong, but we aren’t being told anything. They probably have their reasons, but they better be good. We will anyway come to know sooner or later, people slip up and the the truth always comes out. Then once someone notices something, the Ministry will flood us with plausible explanations - all half-truths. Lies with some sugar coating. Well, you see, they’re smart that way.” Yuri could have a valid point, but what piece of information is so important that they risk a theft to cover up their spots? The goblins didn’t say anything to our reporters, sadly. They’re probably too proud to spill anything. Mrs. Thyme was confused and shocked at the event. She isn’t that much of a fan of the Ministry and wasn’t afraid to say so. If incidents like this continue, havoc will be invited. We saw Hermione Granger storm into the Ministry of Magic and shout at everyone. She was ushered in and we were ushered out. If Granger holds her own, the Ministry might change their ways and give in.

Calonne’s story can be deemed useless.

That’s what we hope will happen.

It is very much possible that something was stolen from vault 974, and that the Ministry and Gringotts both know about it. The two probably have the items they’ve stolen, and revealing stories about the hearing was probably to put people off.

Nobody has denied the strangeness of this thievery, and what lies behind the veil of lies. This is one of the most interesting things that has happened this month, and I can predict that we’ll be receiving lots of letters with theories about who Rupert and Anthony are, and why everything happened.

We have managed to get a few words from the witnesses, though. Alex Yuri thought that the incident had quite an obvious explanation. “Nobody caught the guys, the Ministry was alerted but it all seemed like an act. I dunno

If you have an insight to this, feel free to owl us. As you read this, there are countless investigations being held by people and groups. I saw a witch holding a bunch of papers concerning Rupert Geller’s past as she walked

However, some details have been

ignored-

and

some

people think that it was done on purpose. Isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t it suspicious that two wizards try to rob Gringotts without changing their identities? The goblins made no inquiry upon why they

wished

see

the

vaults, nor did the Ministry.

by muttering under her breath. Another wizard asked me if I knew anything about Anthony Calonne. I could have told him a lot - he was in my school, but I shook my head and allowed him to enlighten me. He spoke about what could’ve driven the wizards to rob a bank. He spoke about the Ministry and what they could have done to ensure safety. He scorned as he spoke about goblins. I wasn’t paying attention very keenly, but I noticed his ears turning red, and I thought they looked like a goblin’s ears. I laughed out loud, and feeling embarrassed, I rushed to write this down when someone called Mia told me her view on this robbery. She had an intriguing point of view which quite a few shared.

People are hassled by this, and the Ministry doesn’t know that. They need to drop the act and tell everyone what is going on. If not, I’m quite sure wizards and witches will infiltrate the Ministry and flood the place with questions.

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The SnakeOver

Tribute to former Head of Slytherin /u/elbowsss and an interview with the new Head, /u/Im_Finally_Free Interview by Starflashfairy Elbowsss has been a dedicated, innovative, and loving moderator of /r/harrypotter since June of 2018. She has been Head of /r/slytherin since then as well, where she was previously Head Human. Her name can be found in the archives documenting the beginnings of many projects, including The Quibbler. Elbs was the very first Slytherin Manager for /r/TheQuibbler all the way back when we first began in June of 2016. Her ideas and guidance helped shape The Quibbler into the well-oiled machine it is today. She was also at the helm of the creation of /r/HogwartsWerewolves and /r/Hogwarts. Elbowsss was a ranker in the very first HPRankdown, and has helped with the estab118

lishment of the following Rankdowns, including the current HPRankdown4. She’s been more than just a leader of our community. She’s a kind soul with a heart of gold, whose friendship and advice I have always found to be invaluable. We will be forever indebted to her for her upstanding moderation. Thank you so much for all you’ve done for our community, Elbowsss, and for all you continue to do. We love you very much. Elbowsss is succeeded as Head of Slytherin by Im_Finally_Free. IFF is also the current Slytherin Managing Editor of The Quibbler, and a great friend of mine. Today I’ve had the privilege to sit down with IFF and ask them a few questions.

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Quibbler: So, what is your reaction to being named Head of Slytherin?

Q: How did you feel during the election process? What was your campaign like?

Im_Finally_Free: Thankful. Honestly, I just can’t believe how much this community means to me and supports me, and for people to vote me in as Head of House… It’s just amazing.

IFF: At the start I felt pretty confident, I’d been Head Human since October 2019 and I’ve been helping on the main sub since December. But as the voting went on and my opponent answered their questions in ways that made me doubt my *own* vote, I got a bit worried. It was, overall, a short and sweet election campaign but successful nonetheless.

Q: Have you got any big plans for Slytherin as Head of House? IFF: Nothing revolutionary! Slytherin is an amazing place filled with amazing people, so I’m here to help it grow and continue to foster that family vibe. We’ve got a few things going on in the background just to get some feedback and make sure that it’s a great place to be! Q: Tell us a bit about what makes you a Slytherin. What traits do you value most? IFF: All about that ambition, I was never truly interested in the roles/moderating positions but I always wanted to be a leader for the community and to be a voice for the other users. I feel like I’ve done that a lot over the years, for good and bad. The trait I personally value the most is fraternity, and the friendships I’ve made thanks to my involvement in r/harrypotter and beyond. Q: How would you define your moderation style? IFF: I’m pretty laid back, I think? I don’t want to be a controlling “these are the rules!”-moderator, but I make sure that the community is welcoming and friendly. I also try to keep on top of modmail and reports as they come up. I also wouldn’t be half as successful without the other mods around me, including the prefects and my new Head Human. Shout out to PermagrinFalcon!

Q: Is there anything you’re really looking forward to as HoH? IFF: I’m already working on implementing feedback gained from our meta thread in order to update things for our newest generation of snakes. Mostly, I’m just excited to make this community as awesome for others as it is for me. Q: What advice would you offer to newcomers to the sub? IFF: Get involved! There’s so many different activities that you’re almost guaranteed to find something you’re interested in, and if there isn’t… start it! These subreddits are yours as much as anyone else’s! Q: And finally, what’s your favorite Wizarding World publication? There are no right or wrong answers here, obviously. IFF: That’s a hard one… I think I’m going to have to go with… The Quibbler, of course! Congratulations, IFF, and best of luck! We look forward to great things from you!

Q: What has been your reception as Head so far? IFF: Everyone has been supportive, or, at least, they were for the first 5 minutes before they started planning their coup. Unfortunately for them, they started planning it in the house discord so it got shut down pretty quick. No, they’ve all been amazing and I’m sure they’ll stop any ideas of grandeur I develop.

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Last July 1st, the long-suffering wandmaker Ollivanders’ shut its door for good. It’s no secret that the quality of Ollivanders’ wands dropped significantly after the devastating passing of Garrick Ollivander, but the historic shop endured twenty more years before actually giving up. So, where do I come in? I, in fact, had lost my job as a junior wandmaker at Ollivanders’ shop. While I have no plans to quit my job as a journalist for the Quibbler, I still have dreams of seeing the influx of delighted first-years every August, ready to get their very own wand. So, wand-carving knife and quill in hand, I set out to find the shop that could replace the British wandmaking giant. Being a Muggle-born, I grew up around plastic. My own little flat has plastic chairs, plastic blinds, but could plastic work for wands? My first stop, London-based Innowand, was about to answer that. Every single Innowand wand has a plastic coating, and every single one of them is supposed to be nearly indestructible, as well as impervious to most minor charms. However, this has raised controversy in the Wizarding world. Wands, some feel, are supposed to contain rare, specially treated wood, not the Muggle plastic. Walking into the Innowand workshop, I was struck by how modern and polished it looked, even before opening hours. I was used to seeing dusty velvet under soft, flickering lights and tall stacks of wand boxes under threat of toppling onto an innocent customer’s head (let’s just say that Johnny McFallon got his wand for free). In short, Innowand was a complete 180. It was brightly lit, with wide windows and white faux-leather couches. As impressive as this was, I still harbored some doubt about the wands themselves. More specifically, their appearance. The artisan in me believed that wands should be a work of art, and the closest I had come to seeing a plastic

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wand was the little toy ones in the corner of Flourish and Blotts, which didn’t quite strike me as artistry. “Hi. how may I help you?” I was jerked out of my thoughts by a young witch with fiery-orange hair and denim robes (yeah, that’s a thing). “My name is Preston. I’m a wandsmith looking for work, and I’m also with the Quibbler, doing a story on innovative wandsmiths.” “Oooh! I love the Quibbler! There’s a copy on that coffee table.I really really love the fashion articles too. Big fan of Alexandra Hope robes,” I nodded. That would explain the denim. “Have you ever seen Madam Starflash herself? I’m Janine, by the way,” I smile, slightly uncomfortable, remembering my first story, which was featured in the copy lying there. It was only three weeks old at the time, and I was already eager to move on from the hordes of howlers Harold Serpo’s supporters sent me. “So, I was wondering if you could show me around, take me behind the scenes. Sort of give me a job tour, too.” “Alright. You know, it’s great to see another female wandsmith in the industry. Now, can you pull out your wand?” I do. It’s a pretty crude one I made after my first year at Ollidanders’. I can see her applying the Finnigan Principle to it, trying to figure it out. Thankfully, she skips the traditional routine of listing the wand’s length, core, and wood. After all, I am a professional, and those parlor tricks won’t impress me. However, she did say “Looks traditional, like the one I had when I worked at Ollivanders’. They have you make your own wand after just a few months, far too early I think, although of course you’d know that. Now, here’s what we’ve got.” She pulls me over to a display and lifts the curtain covering it. For the first time, I take in the sight of a plastic-covered wand.

splintering. Black wands were there, darker and richer than any black-painted wood could hope to be. Still, some wands were clear. You could see the dragon heartstring or unicorn hair almost glowing in the middle, and the wands themselves cast rainbows that looked, well, magical. “They’re beautiful,” I finally managed to say. “Yeah, knew you’d like them,” said Janine with a smirk. Over the next three hours, she gave me a tour of the workshop, explaining the trade secret charms they used to weave the plastic into a material suitable for conducting magic, and how the wands had been approved by Hermione Granger, Minister of Magic. All I can tell you is that the raw material for the casing is woven together by magic, which makes it stronger and more conductive than wand wood. As opening time drew nearer, she told me that if I took the job I would be promoted to Founder (!) as the third person in the company. “We’re looking to get at least twenty people on the team. The business is so exclusive and oldfashioned, but there’s bright young minds all over the place who could come up with a new core setting or a better way to harvest unicorn hair, just given the chance.” That was all a month ago. Now, I am editing this article from my brand new flat on top of Innowand, removing any errors with a simple charm form the plastic-coated wand I made while mastering Innowand’s signature charms. Janine and I have become fast friends. In fact, I better finish up this article; she’s expecting me for a cup of tea.

It takes my breath away. Some wands are covered in white plastic, with dramatic, intricate cutouts that would have left the sturdiest wood

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2020 QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP CANCELED DUE TO MUGGLE "CORONA VIRUS" Minister for Magic, Hermione Granger, has canceled the 2020 Quidditch World Cup due to a Muggle outbreak of sickness called "Coronavirus" or "COVID-19". The World Cup was originally scheduled to take place in Glen Coe, Scotland. While this Muggle sickness seems to not have much of an effect on magical folk, the Minister remained adamant about shutting it down. "Muggles are panicking," the Minister said this afternoon. "The Wizarding World may not be at risk due to the virus, but this illness has caused Muggles all over the world to panic, making them more alert. Myself, along with the Department of Magical Games and Sports and the Department of International Magical Cooperation, feel it prudent to cancel the World Cup. It will be rescheduled for a later time." Ms. Granger then fled the scene, rushing towards her office, and leaving The Quibbler's reporters unable to learn more about the unfolding events. Will the Quidditch World Cup be the only thing the Ministry of Magic decides to cancel? Will they perhaps attempt to ban all talk about Nargles and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, as they have been accused of doing for years? Stay tuned to The Quibbler for more news on this fascinating topic.

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INSERT QUIBBLER Recently, the Board of Governors at Hogwarts convened to discuss various matters related to the lack of extracurricular activities at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. After much deliberation, the consensus was to give Hogwarts students an open period to submit ideas for a new activity. In its first iteration, a well-reasoned ask for a card game was made. This grew into the submission of hundreds of card ideas with many being approved for play. After having all the ideas of cards in front of them, the Game Commissioner (and Hufflepuff of distinction) who is fondly known as K9 devised a playing system similar to double rock-paper-scissors, a widely played muggle game.

With permission from the Headmistress and Board of Governors, students will be allowed to utilize the portkey located in the Herbology Study Room to arrive at the wizCARD club table. From what we at the Quibbler were able to divine, the wizCARD club table is more like an open space in the shape of a square, with four podiums located at equidistant points around it. In this space, representatives from each House race to shout their card choices in the hopes of gaining points for their team, as two teams are pitted against each other and switch every round. In the open space, you will see either a Creature, Spell (either in words or wand motion), or an Item. Each of these “types” also has an element associated with them. That’s not all! When you arrive at the podium, you are presented with an ever-changing list of options. To be an effective player you must: 1st- understand the type and element of the choice made before you, 2nd- make a play that beats the type played, 3rd- make sure the element of the cost boosts your teammates and hurts your opponents. Here is an interesting example based on a play I took part in. As I looked at the Open Space, I saw an amorphous being on a Firebolt with the words “Hurling Hex” hovering above them. This was played by a 5th year Ravenclaw and as a fellow Ravenclaw, I knew I had to make a choice that would improve our standing. With the knowledge that a Hurling Hex was a card with Spell:Earth qualities, I knew I had to choose an Item card for sure. A talented Ravenclaw provided a simple guide to the team so I also knew I had to play a card with a water element as well. I pointed my wand outwards and proclaimed “Accio Choices” and different options appeared before me on the podium. Luckily enough, Dr.Ubbly’s Oblivious Unction emerged and I waved my hand over it quickly, before the option was rendered unplayable. After I made that choice, wisps of silver emerged from the podium, forming into a potion bottle. It met with the being on the broomstick and immediately the being was able to dismount, make a bow and disappear with the potion bottle taking its place. On its own, the game may not seem exhilarating to the common passerby. However, in the heat of the moment, watching other teams salivate at the prospect of taking away points from my team? The strategy, collaboration and the split second hesitation before finding out if your choice was the first to be played? The general consensus seems to be that this event may rival Quidditch in the rabid fascination that Hogwarts students seem to be throwing wizCARD’s way.

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Another interesting addition to the game after playing for some time- Team Captains! Each House has a wizCARD captain, to discuss game and balancing questions with the Commissioner. We at the Quibbler were able to get very brief quotes from each Team Captain about the gameplay so far.

Ravenclaw’s Captain, XanCanStand, made sure to laud the contributions of every team member: "Ravenclaw is rocking the world of WizCARDs this

Frog_of_Steel, Gryffindor’s captain remarked “ I admire the attitude and the team

QuirkyChipmunk, the Hufflepuff captain chimed

year. Our team roster

atmosphere Gryffindor

is full of hard-working

has built. The team

eager players that enjoy

in with “We've got

Slytherin’s captain said

brilliant players from

has been open and

creating and capitalizing

"We've had a slow start

on opportunities to

SlytherinBuckeye,

top to bottom, there's

welcoming to all our

getting back into the

truly an MVP in every

new players, and I'm

put up points for their

swing of things and

position. It is clear to

sure this will pay off

team. You don't know

adjusting to the changes

anyone watching I'm sure

as our team continues

persistence until you see

that have been made to

that we are the team to

to improve.” We at the

a Badger in action!"

the game, but (in Round

beat in this tournament." With 6 rounds of play concluded, it does seem that Ravenclaw is the one to beat!

Quibbler are sure it will!

The Hufflepuff’s

The team atmosphere

determination and drive

that they have sustained have pushed them to the top of the MVP list consistently.

6) I think we are finally hitting stride and I can

to not only win, but

see the team we were in

ensure a wonderful

May starting to emerge."

playing experience for their team members was wonderful to observe!

All around, we have some very inspiring Captains, keeping their team’s eye on the prize: House Points based on their overall performance.

The

heart

wizCARD’s, k9, took a respite from racing around the

card

table,

managing

balancing

issues, supporting her Hufflepuffs, fielding concerns from every team member and liaising with Hogwarts staff to give her view on the game so far: "Seeing the excitement from the teams has been very special to me, as well as getting to see the various strategies grow as they are forced to coordinate with each other while still being subtly cutthroat to stay on top. I'm excited to see how the game continues to grow with the community!" Well Readers, there’s no better way to put the game than that! My personal hope is that other Hogwarts students become interested in the game and participate too! Feel free to visit r/wizCARDs to learn more about how you can get involved!

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here is nothing quite like the rush of cool air through your hair, the press of the goggles against your face, or the pure adrenaline that fills your veins at the sound of a wand-blast. There's a term for us in the Muggle world but here, on the misty moors of England, we're called Riders. It has never been a particularly splendid profession. There's always a bit of grime that finds its way to a Rider's pack and you're bound to run into more than a few unsavory characters. Both the journey and the sport is designed to test the limits of a witch or wizard in both mental faculty and physical prowess. Every two years, a collection of Riders comes together to compete (often sponsored by various drinks or luxury potion companies). Fifty Riders are initially selected by the Committee and one Rider walks away, if they still have use of their legs, victorious. On the outside, it doesn't appear to be a particularly dangerous sport, but looks can be deceiving. The rules of the game are simple: choose your steed, start at the wand-blast, get to the destination first. So where does it become dangerous? These three rules are the only rules. Anything else the Riders can think of is fair game so long as it doesn't break any laws. This means illusions of friends or family trapped beneath waterfalls, rogue bludgers borrowed from Quidditch-playing friends, tripping jinxes, and many more pitfalls. The only saving grace is that none of

the Riders know the location of the next race more than five hours ahead of time. So once you get the owl, you have five hours to set your traps, prepare your defenses, and scout the track. All Riders eventually develop rituals for when they receive their invitation. The very good ones always have a "Go Bag" that they can grab and immediately apparate with to the track location. However, the last strategy also means that if you've paid any attention to a Rider's previous races, you'll know their best tricks already. To counteract this level of research, many of the best Riders are constantly searching for newer, craftier ways of outsmarting their competition. Some favor the release of various magical creatures on the track while others do their own dirty work at home. This largely results in the invention of several tricky but nonlethal spells and gadgets and the exasperation of many a family member or close friend. Indeed, many prominent jinxes and curses taught in the regular and irregular curriculum at Hogwarts to the sixth and seventh years were created by Riders for use in this sport. Several excellent examples of such spells include the Knockback Jinx, the Frothing Curse, and the Confundus Charm. All three of these spells were created for the game in an offensive capacity and have since been documented in various textbooks throughout history. To date, only two of these curses have been actively taught at Hogwarts.

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The Knockback Jinx, taught in Defense Against The Dark Arts, is now a fairly common jinx but it was considered a dirty trick in the early days. Most famously used by particularly vindictive Riders on their archrivals, the Knockback Jinx was fired from the back of a steed and, for best effect, was directed at another Rider's center of mass. This would often send the target flying off of their steed and take them out of the race. As a point of interest, one unfortunately misplaced cast of this jinx in 1894 caused an amendment to the original set of three rules to include immediate disqualification and forfeit of buy in gold for any Rider caught damaging another Rider's steed. In this particular instance, after being hit with the Knockback Jinx, the unfortunate steed was knocked off course and collided rather violently with a nearby Hinkypunk who was spectating. Both creatures were rather badly injured but thankfully walked away from the incident with their lives. The Committee, upon meeting and reflecting on the accident, decided to remove the possibility of further loss of limb or life from future games. The Confundus Charm, also taught in Defense Against The Dark Arts, having been invented after the Steed Amendment of 1894, was never used on any creatures or bystanders. Instead, the Confundus Charm was again directed at the competing Riders in an attempt to confuse them into going off course or stopping in their tracks all together. Although

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there was a particularly close call involving a donkey and rather ginger Kneazle, this particular spell has not wreaked any more than the expected amount of havoc. Finally the Frothing Curse, which is distinctly not taught in any class at Hogwarts but can be found in various Dark Arts books in the Restricted Section of the library, was another sort of Rider versus Rider attack often seen in this sport. Meant to incapacitate more than distract, this curse would cause the target to froth at the mouth and become incredibly dehydrated. Although most Riders carry a waterskin for the eventuality of being hit with this curse, it still can halt a Rider in their tracks for a minimum of two seconds. This is more than enough time for an opposing Rider to catch up to or overtake the target Rider. As the nature of this curse is rather brief and can be mitigated almost immediately by simply drinking water, the Frothing Curse is usually used very strategically and often at key moments in the game. Now that we've discussed offensive spells, we can devote some time to talking about defensive spells. While it is true that a good defense is a strong offense, there is no replacing preventative measures. Protego, the Shield Charm, is by far the most often used protective spell.

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A proper Shield Charm will not only protect the caster but usually will cause the offending spell to rebound, sometimes striking the attacker. As such, not only is it important for Riders to know how to perform a good Shield Charm, but it is also important for them to know when to cast one. For example, many experienced Riders will cast a Shield Charm directly after directing an offensive attack for fear of being hit with their own rebounding spells. Other useful defensive spells include several camouflage spells as well as the rather new Point Me and Revelio spells. These are more geared towards maintaining a straight path to the finish line as avoiding conflict with other Riders when possible. Most Riders specialize in one or the other. Some prefer to blast their way through their opponents, wreaking havoc and making enemies in one swipe, while others prefer to skirt the edges of the pandemonium and slip off to the finish line unscathed. With all of this talk about protecting steeds from the various shenanigans their Riders get up to, let's take a look at the variety of creatures regularly employed. The most popular steed is, perhaps surprisingly, a Thestral. Although they are difficult to mount if you can't see them, this conditional invisibility is one of the reasons why they make ideal steeds. If your opponents can't see your steed, you're more likely to get through the hubbub undetected. Choosing a Thestral as a steed has the added bonus of limited need for steering. Since thestrals can be told where to go once at the beginning of the journey, there is no need for the Point Me spell or any other form of directional guidance. This leaves the Rider's hands and thoughts free to formulate still better attacks, obstacles, or strategies for avoidance than if they were also tasked with steering. Another popular steed is the Hippogriff. Although they can be a little feisty for their Rider, they are also excellent in a scrap. However, despite their many offensive advantages, Hippogriffs are less likely to take kindly to a set of kit on their back and the percentage of Riders that get bucked from their Hippogriff before the race even begins averages at roughly sixty percent. As such, injuries from steed choice sharply increased the year after Grady "Grapplehook" Garter (can you guess what his weapon of choice was?) became the first Rider in the game's history to choose a Hippogriff steed. Although he limped away from that race largely unscathed, his novel choice inspired many other reckless Riders to follow in his footsteps and put themselves at the mercy of a Hippogriff's unforgiving claws, beak, and general disapproval.

Although this sport was largely called The Game in its early years, the founders were told that this was too ambiguous and, if they wanted it to be recognized by the Ministry of Magic as a legitimate sport, they would have to give it a proper name. In what was described later as a fit of juvenility, they put their heads together and redubbed the sport "The Great Sprint". It's only marginally more descriptive but the participants enjoyed the game and its oblique name so much that, eventually, the Department of Magical Games and Sports had to acquiesce. Prominent "The Great Sprint" host country locations include the UK, Greece, Egypt, Italy, France, Alaska, Antarctica, and Australia. Although the sport originated in the UK, other countries began to take interest as the stunts grew in both size and mortality. Once the Department of Magical Games and Sports stepped in and added a few rules for "bystander and Rider safety", the sport was cleared to be announced and reported on by various wizarding newspapers and magazines, including The Daily Prophet and our own dear Quibbler. Now even the Americans are trying to get in on the action. There have been rumors for the last five years of Ilvermorny students running small "The Great Sprint"s during the Winter Holidays on the vast grassy grounds of America's most prominent magical academy. While The Great Sprint was created long ago, it's only now beginning to build up a head of steam in the younger communities. Quidditch, our long beloved national sport, may soon find itself competing with its much wilder cousin. For more news on this fascinating "new" sport, keep your eyes peeled on The Quibbler! Yours in Excitement,

Jacob Jack Jordan

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Broom racing is

amazing!

Every Quidditch supplies emporium has the fastest racing brooms displayed behind windows. Young wizards push their noses to the glass that separates them from the ideal broomstick. Older witches and wizards don’t stare, but their eyes twinkle at the sight of every new racing broom. The thrill of riding a racing broom is magical. Sign-ups for the Annual Broom Racing Competition are open and the event will be held on the 15th of October. The competition will be held on a clear ground. Participants will be racing to a point half a mile further. To keep the competition going, many Quidditch supply stores are also selling second-hand racing brooms if a top class one is too costly. It is not necessary to fly in a line. In fact, players can fly in any direction as long as they wind up in the right spot at the end of the race. If a player hurts another, the first player will be disqualified from the race. If wands are used to cause violence in any way, they will be confiscated.

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Participants shall receive a kit to take care of their brooms a week prior to the competition. They are expected to know how to ride a broom. However, a Cushioning Charm will be cast to ensure players don’t break limbs if they fall, just in case. We encourage players to continue the race after falling, if it’s possible. If your bones are actually broken, you will be attended to.. There will be three rounds for each age group. The top twenty racers in the first one will advance to the second round. The top eight will advance to the third and final round. The top three of the third race will be considered as winners. To make this more exciting, every player will receive one random pass to perform a certain action. The passes can be used only once. To activate a pass, a player will touch the pass and utter ‘Passendio’. Depending on the pass, a player can:

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1. Boost Their Broom’s Speed

Incredibly useful if you are lagging behind everyone. This will boost your broom for ten seconds. If the broom is not held properly during this period, it may crash to the ground.

2. Slow Down Another Player

This will slow down the desired player’s broom for ten seconds. Be sure not to crash into the targeted player.

3. Invisibility

This makes you disappear for ten seconds, giving you the advantage to do anything while you are not seen (without breaking the rules, that is).

4. Auto-Pilot

If you need to pull out your wand or rub your face, this is your pass. This will maneuver your broom for ten seconds, freeing your hands for that period of time.

5. Go-Quick

Passes will be distributed randomly two hours prior to the race. If you don’t use your pass, it is not valid in the next round (if you make it). Passes for the second round will be given to you before you start. In the third round, you get an option to either get two passes which can each be used once, or be allowed to use your pass twice. (You will be asked to make this decision before being given your pass). All in all, we urge you not to worry over the various mechanics of the game. If you love brooms, this is just the sport for you! Broom racing is a competition filled with fierceness and vigour. You should expect some fights, but game spirit is found in plenty. If you participate, who knows, your name might appear in the edition! Owl Mr. Rodringuez of the Department of Magical Games and Sports for more details on how to sign up. If you do, we wish you all the best and do know that we are cheering you on! Written by Milomi10

This pass gives you ten seconds to take a break and get back quickly to the game. While you are taking a break a thin barrier will be formed preventing anyone from advancing in the competition.

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THE BIG APPLE - NEW YORK L

ucas Andrews, a wizard who turned thirty last week, was victim to one of the greatest feats in history. Lucas lives in London and, for his birthday, his friends took him on a little trip. After the birthday celebration, his friends blindfolded Lucas, took his wand away, Apparated with him to New York and left him there. Once Lucas took his blindfold off, he was left with a paper saying: ‘Central Park - 20:00’. He made a mental note to go to Central Park (where..?) at eight. But he had to get back home, everyone was there. He could Apparate back to London. Lucas reached into his pocket to pull out his wand, but it was nowhere to be found. He shook himself, hoping his wand would fall out of himself and he could get back. No luck. He cursed under his breath, frustrated. He walked along the road, dodging cars and staring at the shops. He was at Times Square. A big sign read Planet Hollywood, others were flashing in colours. There was a shop called Sephora, he thought it would be useful given the number of people entering. People might be able to help him, so he went there. Everyone stared at him, for they hadn’t seen someone in black robes. “Maybe he’s mad or lost.” “Should we help him?” “Shh, he might hear you.” “Let’s leave, he looks fishy…” Unfortunately for the crowd, Lucas had ears and he realised he needed clothes to fit in with Muggles. He groaned and rolled his eyes, stepping into Sephora. He glanced at the makeup and products and jewellery and stepped out of Sephora. Firstly, he should get a map. He didn’t want to run into stores like that. Who knows, next time he might accidentally enter a shop full of women. No, that must not happen. Lucas hurriedly went around from person to person inquiring about maps. The eleventh person he asked had a map luckily and gave it to him. Lucas stammered out many thanks, his face overflowing with relief. He turned the map around and stared at it for a minute. He needed clothes, but he didn’t have any money on him, nor did he know how Muggle currency worked. He put his hands into the pockets of

his robes, but instead of coins, he found crisp bills which said ‘100$’, which seemed like a lot. There were so many shops on the map, he was determined to see them all. He went first to Levi’s - there were many clothes made of blue fabric. It was called denim apparently. Lucas went into the trial room laden with clothes till he found something that fit him. He took a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with LEVI’s written to the cashier, fumbling with the money. He was handed a paper bag with his clothes and a bill. Muggles were so smart, they had such an elaborate system and so many amazing clothes. All that was there in the Wizarding World was dress robes and robes and boots and robes and cloaks and robes. Lucas went closer to a huge shop called H&M filled with more clothes. A little peek wouldn’t hurt. He also wanted to buy a coat to keep him warm so he could lose the robes and start looking like a New Yorker. Maybe a cap wouldn’t hurt. Caps looked better than wizard top hats. He picked out a black coat from H&M and left his robes in the dressing room itself. He roamed around aimlessly till he came upon a shop called M&M, filled with chocolate balls in colourful colours. This was paradise. He walked in empty-handed and walked out with three bags filled with chocolate while eating out of one. Lucas realised how hungry he was and that he couldn’t feast on chocolate. He found a restaurant called McDonald’s. It looked tempting and he entered. He browsed through the menu and decided to order a burger with fries and a soda. When he got the food, he inhaled and sighed. He found a small table next to the window and sat down on a chair. He ate slowly, enjoying every bite. He doubted he could find anything this good in Hogsmeade. After finishing his meal, Lucas wanted to see the Empire States building. It was highlighted on the map. It was fifteen minutes far away, but he liked walking. On his way, he bought a cap and wore it backwards like the teenagers who thought it was a trend. Yes, he would be cool and hip for that one day. He walked down the streets feeling like a rockstar. He flipped his hair, walked in slow motion. He was missing one thing - sunglasses! There was a shop that sold some. He took a detour and tried on all the frames. He thought that the reflecting glasses looked dramatic and bought those. Someone could call him a rockstar now. Who knew! He might become like the Weird Sisters and start his own band.

He had found his true calling, he thought. Lucas realized he was walking in the wrong direction, he had reached the subway somehow. He shrugged - it was the journey of life. He walked down the staircase and was greeted by a complicated system. He watched multiple Muggles buy tickets in an ordinary way, it seemed pretty simple. He went to a machine and picked Brooklyn as his stop, not knowing where it was. Brooklyn sounded exciting and he wanted to have an adventure! He dropped a few quarters and inserted the rest into the machine, eyeing it suspiciously. He trusted goblins with his money more than he trusted those machines, but nothing could be done.

steps back, stumbling. The dog had no intention of stopping so Lucas was chased around the park while his friends fell on the ground laughing, clutching their sides, crying tears of joy. “A little exercise can’t hurt!” “Confundus can’t hurt either!” And the evening went on. Written by Milomi.

Lucas grabbed the ticket that fell out and clutched it as he found the platform. He knew how to get onto trains, he had done it while going to his school. He tried to blend in as he sat in a metal seat ignoring the fat woman who kept pushing him. A baby was crying but he couldn’t block the noise. He distracted himself by eating the M&M chocolates and counting them. He got off at Brooklyn and glanced at the big clock. It was seven in the evening. Something was itching at the back of his mind. He remembered what it was. “Central Park at eight!” Some people were startled by his outburst, but Lucas started cursing. He quickly bought another ticket back to Manhattan and caught the next train. He struggled with the map and finally located Central Park. He jumped off the train as soon as they reached. He ran up the staircase and began going towards his right. The map said so and maps don’t lie, do they? He had been walking in the same direction for ten minutes but no park. He realised that the park was near West 57 street and not East. His navigation skills were out of the world, he told himself sarcastically. Like that, Lucas turned and started walking towards the park. He was sweating and panting and felt like a dog after his run. He began to see a green park and ran there hoping he was not late. He saw his friends standing there, each with a gift for him. He sprinted towards them and embraced the group. They admired his new look and listened to his eager stories. They lay on the grass, and they proceeded to eat at a restaurant for dinner. Lucas got his wand back, thankfully. He laughed and looked around at his friends, happy. Lucas was so lost in ‘thank you’s, that he didn’t notice the dog coming towards him. He stood up and took a few 133

QUIBBLER TRAVEL

Muggle Candy Worth Traveling For Making Our Way Home by Eldis Hello everyone and welcome back to the very very very final edition of Muggle Candy Worth Travelling For! Last time we left off in New Zealand, about as far from England as you can get. And, as our loyal readers surely know, there is no apparating or taking a portkey off of the beautiful NZ, because it is simply too far removed from, well, everything. So we’re going to go by aeroplane! Strap yourselves in, it’s going to be a long trip. Panama, here we come!

is prepared the evening before. It is typically paired with a fried egg or some cheese. And last but not least, again fried, are Almojabanos. These rice-flour fritters are such popular treats that there is a national festival centred around it. And no wonder, for the shape of the treat resembles the shape of the country itself!

From Panama we’re going to hop over another ocean to land in Burkina Faso in West Africa, where we can try Dégue, also Panama offers us Chicheme, spelt Dégé. This is a mixture made from fresh corn, which of couscous and yoghurt, flais ground to a milky, delicious voured with honey and topped pulp! With some spices stirred with raisins. If you’re thirsty, you through, this sweet drink is the can try some Zoomkoom, made perfect treat to start our trip with millet flour, lime, ginger back home. If you need someand sugar, or Bissap, made with thing more starchy, try Yuca Fri- hibiscus flowers. ta! The yuca is boiled and sliced into fries-shape before being Another ocean over we land in fried and consumed! It can be Greece, where honey rules the eaten as either a side dish or local cuisine. Combined with just as a snack on its own. If egg whites and almonds it creyou like fried stuff, try Hojalates Mantolato, better known dras. It’s usually eaten during as nougat! Although you can breakfast, although the dough get nougat everywhere nowa134

days, this traditional product of Zakynthos tastes so much better when freshly made on location instead of mass-produced and shipped worldwide. You can also turn Mantolato into Halvadopit, which is a thick white nougat sandwiched between

"Chocolate Salami" by jppaguilar via Wikipedia

two very thin wafers, called Ostias. If you, like me, love almonds, maybe try some Amygdalota. These gorgeously white pear-shaped treats are native to Spetses and a delight for your tastebuds. The Skaltsounia pastries look pretty in white too, and can be found in Crete. They are soft but scrunchy, and filled

INSERT QUIBBLER with walnut, jam and apples. And from there we have to run to get our portkey, I believe it’s this old buoy, although it could also be that-

into little balls. And even if you don’t like honey, you will probably still like Medovik, honey cake. This is once again a layered treat, with alternating thin honeyed pastries and Oh, it was the fishnet instead. layers of sweetened cream. Sorry guys, we grabbed the It is coated with the leftover wrong thing. This is Russia, not pastries used in the cake, Germany. Oh well, doesn’t mat- which makes it look like such ter, we’ll find a way home even- fun and so delicious! Ponchiks tually. I’ll go talk to the Ministry are custard-filled treats remof Magic here whilst you go out iniscent of donuts, Syrniki are and explore. This detour might tiny, fluffy pancakes made with even be a good thing, for we farmer’s cheese, sugar and have already visited Germany, flour, and as a final treat you but Russia is new. Maybe try simply have to try a Vatrushka, some chocolate salami? Don’t shining pastries with a sweet worry, it doesn’t actually pair filling. I’ll be back in a bit! meat and chocolate, it is just So, I managed to create a new travel schedule. It is the long way ‘round, but it is quicker than waiting for the next convenient portkey back to the Quibbler’s head office. And this way, we get to taste even more treats! Let’s first pop down to Belarus, where we can pick up some Zephyr, a soft, occasionally chocolate-covChak Chak via Wikipedia (Public Domain) ered merengue-like named that for its looks. The treat. However, unlike a Russians, in their resourceful merengue, Zephyr argenius, mix biscuits and toast- en’t crunchy, but more ed walnuts into a thick chocmarshmallow-like. And olate sauce made from cocoa, here we can also particmilk and sugar. This is rolled ipate in a debate similar and frozen, after which it can to the Devon cream tea be cut into delicious slices of vs the Cornish clotted chocolatey goodness! If you’re cream debate. In Belarus, craving some airy light cake, the cities Rogachev and try bird’s milk cake, or Ptichye Glubokoye both claim that Moloko cake. Made by baking their Sguschenka is the two Biskvit cakes, which are best. Sguschenka is constacked on top of each othdensed milk, often used er with a layer of mousse in as topping to go along between, this treat looks beau- things like pancakes. The tiful, especially when topped only way to decide which with melted chocolate in intrione is better is to try cate patterns. If you didn’t get them both! enough honey in Greece, try Chak-Chak, fried flat-bread From Belarus we’ll take smothered in honey and rolled another portkey - yes,

this time I double-checked to make sure it was the correct one - to Poland. Here we can try Babka, a sweet cake which originated in Jewish culture. It is prepared with yeasted dough and filled with fruits and spices, including cinnamon and chocolate. If you want to pretend you’re being healthy, try Śliwki w Czekoladzie. This treat is an entire dried plum (a fruit! which means that it’s healthy, right?) covered in chocolate. Faworki are crunchy, twirly, deep-fried pastries, also known as angel wings. If you’re a fan of puff pastry and calories, eat some Kremówka, a cake made with almost every type of cream known to humanity: whipped cream, buttercream, pastry cream, egg white cream… All held together by two layers of puff pastry and dusted with powdered sugar. Our next portkey takes us to Iceland. There aren’t any portkeys from Poland in the direc-

"Faworki" by Marcin Floryan via Wikipedia

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QUIBBLER INSERT tion of the UK till next week, and after all the long flights we have already had I don’t feel like getting into an aeroplane again any time soon. And besides, Iceland offers us edible mountains! Okay, well, maybe not actual edible mountains, but you can buy chocolate filled with nuts, caramels and other deliciousness shaped after some of Iceland’s most beautiful rock formations. Want more chocolate, but also craving some soup? There’s no need to choose here, you can just get some Kakósúpa, hot cocoa soup! Hjónabandssaela, wondrously nicknamed ‘happy marriage cake’, has an oaty crust and is filled with rhubarb jam, after which it is sprinkled with spices. And then, bellies filled with chocolate, we make one last stop in Ireland. This is your final moment to buy some souvenirs you promised your parents, siblings and friends you’d bring back for them! If you are craving something savoury right about now, pop into a

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supermarket and buy some Hunky Dorys or Tayto crisps. Or, if you want to stick to the sugary sweet, buy some Jacob’s Mikado biscuits, a biscuit covered in pink mallow and strawberry jam. If you’re feeling brave, or want to test your inner Irishman, try some Clove Rocks. They fall under the same love-it-or-hate-itumbrella as American Candy Corn, but with the added perk of painting your mouth red. As the name suggests, these white-and-red cylindrical treats are made with cloves, boiled with sugar to create this divisive, but for some people delicious, candy! Grab my arm for a little SideAlong Apparition and there we are, back at my office here in the Quibbler tower, where we left from so long ago. We have travelled almost the entire world together, hopping from country to country, continent to continent, seeing the most beautiful sights and eating the

"Tayto Crisps Logo" via Wikipedia (Fair Use)

most delicious food. I hope you enjoyed this series, which started in Spring 2018 with a tour through Europe. It wouldn’t surprise me if you find some stale Pepernoten in your bags once you unpack when you get home! Now, don’t forget to book an appointment with a tooth doctor muggles call ‘dentists’, and please remember that form you signed before we left stating that I am not to be held responsible for any damage sustained to your teeth or other body parts during this trip. And Starflashfairy’s defense spells are very strong, so don’t try to threaten me into paying your medical bills. She Sees doom everywhere, so there is nobody who can break her protective charms. And speaking about those, I am technically not allowed to Apparate so many people into the building, so quickly get out before-- oh no, it’s too late, I can hear her coming! If you need me, I’ll be out of the country, hidi-- I mean, doing further research.

TRAVEL QUIBBLER

Want to bring the world to you? Now you can with these recipes! Kakósúpa

Chocolate Salami

Ingredients: • 200 grams of dark chocolate (usually one bar) • 750 ml (3 cups) milk (preferably whole milk, but any type of milk you prefer is fine!) • 1.5 heaping tablespoons of potato starch • (Vanilla) sugar to taste (about 1 tablespoon) • 500 ml cold water (2 cups & 1 tbsp) • Pinch of salt • Optional: toasted oats, milk biscuits, whipped cream, etc.

Ingredients • 1 cup (225 grams) of melted butter • 1 can of sweetened condensed milk (Don’t have condensed milk? Replace this with ¾ cup (150 grams) of sugar, 1 egg and 3 tablespoons of milk. Follow the rest of the recipe as instructed) • 3 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa powder • A whole bunch of vanilla wafels/teabiscuits/similar types of cookies • Optional: Walnuts, powdered sugar

Directions

Directions:

1. Pour the milk and most of the water (keep 1 cup of it aside) in a large pan on medium heat. Once it starts to warm up, lower the heat so it does not boil. 2. Slowly melt the chocolate au bain marie. 3. Once all the chocolate is melted, pour it into the milk and water whilst thoroughly stirring. 4. Mix the potato starch through the cup of water you set aside, make sure there are no clumps. 5. Add the potato starch, your salt and one spoonful of (vanilla)sugar to the milk. 6. Continue to whisk until the soup becomes nice and thick, but not yet solid. Add sugar and salt to taste. 7. Serve warm, topped with toasted almonds, crumbled milk biscuits and/or whipped cream.

1. Crunch the cookies and the walnuts into small crumbs, either by using your hands or a rolling pin. 2. Mix the melted butter with the can of condensed milk (or sugar/egg/milk mixture) and your cocoa powder. 3. Add the crunched cookies and walnuts, stir. This should result in a semi-dry, thick, kneadable dough. If not, add more crushed cookies. 4. Roll the dough into a couple of thick logs and wrap them tightly in parchment paper. 5. Refrigerate. 6. Once ready to serve, dust the chocolate salami with powdered sugar and cut into slices.

Sources: http://www.toscanainnhotel.com/our-blog/post/ten-popular-panamanian-treats-and-where-to-find-them/ https://www.baconismagic.ca/panama/panama-food/#Traditional_Panamanian_Cuisine https://seeafricatoday.com/culture/food/6-traditional-foods-you-should-taste-in-burkina-faso/ https://recipes.fandom.com/wiki/Burkinab%C3%A9_Cuisine https://www.mygreekdish.com/recipe/walnut-filled-crescents-skaltsounia/ http://www.visitgreece.gr/en/gastronomy/traditional_products/greek_sweets https://www.omilo.com/the-famous-loukoumi-and-halvadopita-of-syros-island/ https://theculturetrip.com/europe/russia/articles/the-8-most-delicious-russian-desserts/ https://natashaskitchen.com/ptichye-moloko-cake-recipe-birds-milk-cake/ https://www.theodysseyonline.com/14-of-my-favorite-russian-desserts https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zefir_%28food%29 https://theculturetrip.com/europe/belarus/articles/13-intriguing-facts-belarus/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Polish_desserts https://www.iamreykjavik.com/icelandic-desserts https://www.irelandbeforeyoudie.com/top-10-delicious-irish-snacks-and-sweets-you-need-to-taste/ https://grapevine.is/icelandic-culture/food/eat/2015/12/01/soup-tuesday-kakosupa-icelandic-chocolate-soup/ https://www.olgasflavorfactory.com/recipes/russianrecipes/chocolate-salami/

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HOGWARTS HORROR-SCOPES Madam Starflash Sees what (mis)fortunes will befall you this season!

CAPRICORN THE THESTRAL

TAURUS THE WEREWOLF

VIRGO THE UNICORN

(DEC. 22ND — JAN. 19TH)

(APRIL 20TH — MAY 20TH)

(AUGUST 23RD — SEPT. 22ND)

Practice kindness but guardedness. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

You will be compelled by a constant urge to remove your shirt. Proceed with caution.

You will begin to notice yourself having visions of the future. These can change, but your newfound ability will come in handy soon.

AQUARIUS THE KELPIE

GEMINI THE VEELA

(JAN. 20TH — FEB. 18TH)

(MAY 21ST — JUNE 20TH)

You will find you have a certain calming effect on others. Reading the room is always important; your mood must come first.

Your beauty knows no bounds. Do not allow yourself to become too conceited because of it.

PISCES THE MERMAN (FEB.19TH — MARCH 20TH) Your strength is two-fold. Be cautious of your ego, you may find yourself humiliated.

ARIES THE HIPPOGRIFF (MARCH 21ST — APRIL19TH)

CANCER THE FIRECRAB (JUNE 21ST — JULY 22ND) Be patient, be polite. Your bedside manner is the most important thing of all.

LEO THE SPHINX (JULY 23RD — AUGUST 22ND)

The idea of humanity may disgust you, but that Trust your instincts over your eyes. Believe in what is no excuse for being openly intolerant. Practice you know, not in what you see. good virtue.

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LIBRA THE DRAGON (SEPT. 23RD — OCT. 22ND) Shield the ones you love cautiously. Protecting them must come first always. Your happiness depends upon this.

SCORPIO THE VAMPIRE (OCT. 23RD — NOV. 21ST) Strength, mind-reading, speed. You will find that you have it all. You must learn to control yourself to keep the one thing you want most.

SAGITTARIUS THE CENTAUR (NOV. 22ND — DEC. 21ST) Nurture your loved ones and treat them with the utmost respect. This shall bring you peace.

Classifieds Reach your Prospects First

FOR SALE

For sale: Monster Book of Monsters, broken spine due to previous improper handling. Requires exceptional care and commitment for safe use and a healthy life for the book. Enjoys eating slippers and sleeping under the bed during the Summer months. I am unable to provide a good home. Please Owl Jasmin Williams, Coventry.

LOST AND FOUND

Lost: Gobstones Set. A 3rd year Ravenclaw student misplaced their valued item while on holiday near Diagon Alley. Please contact Professor Flitwick if it comes into your possession. Found: Red skull outside Borgin and Burkes, threatened me with death and destruction. Have you looked outside? Owl E. Vil Deed for more information. Found: Well loved book; “Inside the Lover’s Eye.” Found under the table at Florean Fortescue’s, and handed to the proprietor. I hope you found your love! Lost: Black cat/kneazle, occasionally responds to the name Cosmic Creepers. Will scam you for food by acting hurt and scared, will attack if you get too close. Might just appear on your couch one day. Please send an owl to E. Price, Pepperinge Eye, England if seen.

Found: One vanishing K2 British telephone booth. Upon closer inspection, an Undetectable Extension Charm seems to have been placed on the box, as several rooms - all connected by a long, seemingly infinite corridor - are found inside. Occasionally comes and goes of its own accord. Contact Dr. R.L. Wit by owl or Floo Network. LOST: My damn marbles! It's a serious matter. Not sure why the young witch taking this down is giggling so much. Please help me find my marbles. If found, please send an owl to: Amanda Hugginkiss

MISSED CONNECTIONS

Missed connections: Caught your eye as I used the Floo leaving the Ministry of Magic on Friday at 10:30, you were arriving across the hall. Your piercing blue eyes have haunted my dreams since. I will meet you in the entry hall next Friday evening at 5:30. Yours with hope, Charles. To the handsome young wizard who's face I sneezed in: I am mortified and apologetic! You see, I have a photosensitive sneeze reflex and your smile was just that dazzling! If you're not too put off, I'd like to see you again (sneeze guard provided). Owl me soon! Your allergic admirer, Bert Hawkins

HELP WANTED

Volunteers wanted! Need help gardening and raising mandrakes! Community service and recommendation letters will be provided with help! Help Wanted: Experienced babysitter for 5 year old autistic boy, must be willing to listen and learn. Low levels of accidental magic may occur. Payment of 5 Galleons per hour. Would be looking for commitment of at least 4 nights (2 hours each) a week, Saturday required, other days negotiable but must be routine and consistent. Need help to shift into a new house in Roesur. Willing to pay up to 18 sickles, contact Mennae Mae Seeking Porlock Trainer. They keep hiding from me and won’t help around the paddocks as advertised Trustworthy nature a must! Cyrll Thurstan Slepnir Stables Lindisfarne Priory Berwick-upon-Tweed

REAL ESTATE

FOR RENT Ackergill Tower, Caithness. Remote and dramatic castle retreat directly on the coast of Sinclair's Bay. Minor ghost tenancy. Sleeps 48. Appointments by owl. No Galleons Down! 2 bed, 2 bath cottage in Hogsmeade available for rent! Large kitchen and large yard complete with Quidditch practice field.

BUSINNESS/ OFFERS

For Sale: Want to get some materials to make yourself a spooky Halloween costume? Ellie's Robe Store is just the place for you! Visit us to get the best offers! Offer: I'll do anything for a sickle. Well almost anything. There are some restrictions. Okay, I'll do some things. Within reason. And only on Tuesdays. But not this coming Tuesday. Or the next one. Or the one after that. ...Actually can someone just loan me a sickle?

139

QUIBBLER INSERT

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LAW ENFORCEMENT REPORTS BREAKING NEWS: MLE is pleased to announce live reports of some of these logs on Wizard radio station, "Twitch.tv/powergamersdandd" every other Friday at 6:30PM PST MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT PATROL: ◊ September 1 7:09 PM - Several anonymous tip offs result in a mass arrest of illegal flying carpet smugglers. ◊ September 2 3:10 PM - Abandoned warehouse in Knockturn alley found to be illegal hideout of Oculists. Under investigation. Any leads appreciated. ◊ October 25 9:05AM - Flying car high speed chase throughout Canadian border. Several weather charms used to hide the car and brooms from muggle view. Witch in Auror custody. DEPARTMENT OF INTOXICATING SUBSTANCES: ◊ September 1 6:45PM - Drunken altercation at Smiling Winky's pub resulted in several injured wizards. Winky inconsolable. Under investigation.

◊ October 10 5:37 PM - New weight loss potion found to contain illegal ingredients. Stop usage of "Slimmer witch" IMMEDIATELY. Side effects include loss of intestines.

South America. Magizoologists protesting muggle government. Wizard government working to make location a reserve and hide it from Muggles.

◊ October 25 6:45PM - Counterfeit Felix Felicis manufacturer in Auror custody. Potions lab shut down, pending investigation.

DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES

DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES: ◊ September 10 5:55 PM - Several dragons loose in United states. Magizoologists unable to contain. Dragon reserve under investigation. Barriers might have been tampered with, according to dragon keepers. ◊ October 1 6:16AM - Pygmy puff farm reported several kidnapping of prized Pygmy puffs. Under investigation. 10,000 galleon reward. ◊ October 15 4:56AM - New Bowtruckle colony discovered in

◊ OCTOBER 21 2:22 AM; Muggle “policemen” had to be obliviated after wizard caused their “fire legs” to spew grindylow spit. Wizard was apprehended. ◊ skfjslfjslfjslfjslajflsaliolsaflksjfsjflsjflksjflknblbldlkgjlsfjlsdfjlsfjlsaflsfklsdflsdflsjflsjflsjflsjflsdjflsdjlfsdjflsjflsjfladfsfssdfsafdsdf ◊ sljflsfjlsjfdlsajflsajflsajdflsjflsjflsjflasjdfldsjfkdsfjiioweroeireoeuroeuroeuroerupewrepaeruieoiauroeurperpeoriweoruweouroerieureiureruieurieurieirerierueiure ◊ I bet you wre disappointed these weren't coded messages.

GICAL LAW MA E

EMENT * RC FO N

EPARTME * D NT

The Minister of Magic and The Head of Magical Law Enforcement would like to thank the Auror Headquarters, Wizengamot Administration Services, Hit Wizards, Investigation Department, Ministry of Magic Witch Watchers, Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects, and all others that keep our world safe.

A D I VISI

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The Big Apple - New York Author: Milomi10 Layout: KackelDackel Illustration: Milomi10

Muggle Candy Worth Travelling For - Making Our Way Home Author: Eldis_ Layout: KackelDackel Photos: • "Chocolate Salami" - jppaguilar - Wikipedia upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/78/ Salame_de_chocolate_-_Chocolat_Salami.jpg • "Chak Chak" - Public Domain - Wikipedia upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/dc/ Chakchak.jpg • "Faworki" - Marcin Floryan - Wikipedia upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/79/ Faworki_%28close-up%29.jpg

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