The Quibbler - Spring 2018 by Hogwarts Quibbler

Editor-In-Chief & Divination Dept Head

Starflashfairy

Gryffindor Managing Editor

-MrJ-

Hufflepuff Managing Editor & Classifieds Dept Head

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Ravenclaw Managing Editor

Eldis_

Slytherin Managing Editor

Elbowsss

Production Manager

Mathy16

Web-Wizard

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PastelPurrfect Castles & Burrows Dept Head

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Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies Dept Head

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Education Dept Head

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Entertainment Dept Head

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Magical Plants & Creatures Dept Head

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News & Features Dept Head

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ytodpdjebaotjeo The Editors Deskq

k s e D ’s r o t i d E e h T FROM Note) STARFLASH (Editor’s AM AD M OF SK DE E TH Greetings, dear readers! ue of the Quibbler!

18 iss Welcome to the Spring 20

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you!

Madam Starflash

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eu ytodpdjebaotjeo The Editors Deskq

THE QUIBBLER: NO. 34851 MAY 2018 THIS ISSUE OF THE QUIBBLER WAS CREATED, WRITTEN, PRODUCED AND REVIEWED BY THE HOGWARTS STAFF AT /R/THEQUIBBLER. THIS ISSUE FEATURES ARTICLES THAT EXPOSE THE TRUTH. SELLING OVER 1,500,000 COPIES WITH OVER 29,000 DIFFERENT ISSUES, WE ARE THE WIZARDING WORLDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ALTERNATIVE VOICE AND REASON SINCE 1989. WE THANK YOU FOR READING AND PURCHASING OUR SMALL INDEPENDENT NEWS MAGAZINE

Welcome to OUR BRAND NEW issue of the Quibbler. Below is an overview of everything you can find in this All new edition of the Quibbler! We hope you find the experience Both enlightening and entertaining! THE BIGGEST STORIES FROM THE

FRONTPAGE:

12 Muggle Candy Worth Traveling For 23 Muggle Ball Point Pens 31 Rankdown 3 Exclusive Hear about the best, forget about the rest.

Better than Bertie Bott's Beans? Find out what's out there and where to find it!

What do they do? Where do they go?

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BREAKING NEWS:

jfjsdjwfksfkljklwenjkfnzwdiewghiorndgknakflenifnsdnakhwroiuwehdnmd, News And Features. ................................ 06

Education. ............................................... 62

Travel....................................................... 22

Crafts, Brews, And Hobbies.................... 68

Magical Plants And Creatures. ............. 28

Fashion..................................................... 70

Divination................................................ 40

Castles and burrows................................ 72

Entertainment. ....................................... 48

Puzzles And Horror-Scopes................... 74

Sports. ...................................................... 57

Classifieds................................................ 76

STAFF:

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Editor-In-Chief: Starflashfairy Managing Editors: Elbowsss, L-ily, -MrJ-, Eldis_ Administration: Marx0r, Dagrock, Wiksry Layout and Design: Mathy16, Csatvtftw, Thealtoid, Elpbit, Hippoaddict Art: Pastelpurrfect Castles & Burrows: SirMeowMixxalot Classifieds: L-ily Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies: Mathias_Greyjoy Dark Arts: Bubbasaurus Divination: Starflashfairy Education: Starboost3 Entertainment: RGCFrostbite Fashion: jfinner1 Magical Plants & Creatures: Ryan814 News & Features: theDUQofFRAT Sports: Elphabaisfae Travel: Jessi_Hall Contributors: Achatyla, AtomicMatty, Chantdesange, Diordnas, EarwaxJellybeans, El_Quetzal, Eldis_, Featherpanda, HylianEngineer, Jessi_Hall, K9centipede, Kinty, L-ily, MeeemWho, Pastelpurrfect, PeteDS, Rysler, SamuraiSpiritus, Sanchmo, Silvestress, Star-sand, Starflashfairy, Thatslytherclaw, Thereefa, Wiksry, WitchUnicorn, Xboxg4mer

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The Surprising Success and Popularity of

Wizarding Libraries BY: mrsvanchamarch

Many dissenting voices called the move ‘ridiculous’, others voiced their concerns that it would be an illspent venture. Despite the odds, community lending libraries for witches and wizards are seeing a growth in users and supporters. I travelled to the village of Ottery St. Catchpole to find out why.

estled between rolling green hills, the summer sunlight casting a haze over the rooftops, Ottery St. Catchpole is a traditional example of a sleepy English village. On a typical Sunday afternoon, the sound of church bells ringing after service, accompany visitors as they descend the well beaten stone path that leads to the heart of the community: the village square. From here, the local tavern is easily spotted, ‘The White Hart’, and exactly three doors across, an unassuming building stands, the few muggle villagers passing by ignoring it entirely. The muggle-repelling charms placed by the newly formed Department of Wizarding Community Relations had proven effective. A simple brass plate beside the heavy oak doors simply announces ‘Library’. Ducking inside into the welcoming 6

cool interior, I was taken aback by the sheer volume of books, ‘all neatly categorised and alphabetised’ as the large notice above the librarian’s mahogany desk proudly boasted. ‘It’s a new system we are trialling out,’ Heather MacDonald, chief librarian tells me as she leads me to a group of grey armchairs, tucked between the Herbology and History of Magic sections. ‘Apparently, muggles have been using this Decimal Dewey chap for years- and they know exactly where everything is.’ I asked if she could recall book locations from memory using this method. ‘Definitely,’ was Heather’s response. ‘Would you like to test me?’ ‘Hogwarts: A History,’ I stated, seeing a poster for the fourth edition of the acclaimed history into the wizarding school.

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Heather laughed. ‘It’s right behind you,’ she indicated and sure enough, a whole top shelf was dedicated to the late Bathilda Bagshot’s work, all in various states of condition. I suggested Gilderoy Lockhart’s Magical Me. ‘Autobiography section, third row down,’ Heather calmly recited after a moment’s pause. ‘We have two rows of those books, a lot of people have donated them. We eventually had to start turning people away from sending us more.’ Nevertheless, I was surprised to find that the most popular genre was not related to disgraced wizards, potion making, charms or household related matters. Rather, a new breed of book was seeing a surge of interest: the magical romance novels. Fat paperback books bearing the titles The Warlock and the Banshee, My Disgraced Death Eater, the Steamy Cauldron series and some, too blushinducing to write, take up much of the far wall. Heather shows me the reservation records that detail the queues for the more popular books in the library. One Steamy Cauldron novel, An Essence of Amortentia, has a wait list of seventeen readers. I ask Heather what has caused people to want to reserve items rather than purchase the title at Flourish and Blotts. ‘There’s an element of anonymity that libraries provide which mainstream book providers do not. It’s far easier to get a so-called steamy book from here in a quiet environment, than to be caught out by a friend or family member with the offending title in hand. The addition of being able to return it immediately once finished is an added bonus.’ I next enquire as to the number of library users. ‘I would hazard a guess at perhaps three quarters of the village. Yes, it’s proving far more popular than the naysayers told Fergus Dearbourne.’

Here, Heather refers to the head of the Department of Wizarding Community Relations, who has spent the last six months overseeing his new venture. Godric’s Hollow, Hogsmeade, Tinworth, Upper Flagley, Holyhead and Barnton have also joined Ottery St. Catchpole and welcomed the new moves with equal warmth. Tinworth saw such a marked increase in visiting witches and wizards from outside the area that additional hours had to be set up in order to avoid any further large congregations outside which stands beside a muggle funeral parlour. Children are just as keen to visit the libraries as their parents. Heather shows me the children’s section towards the front, where a plethora of colourful books cater to children of all ages, from infancy to teens. HEATHER The libraries are also MACDONALD used as a meeting place. The Ottery St. chief librarian Catchpole branch runs a weekly toddler club where enriching activities like finger painting, crafting felt animals, and reading circles takes place. There’s a keen focus on child development which also allows children of a similar age to interact in a safe, magic friendly environment. Heather also informs me of a new scheme that was announced this morning. The libraries have now teamed up with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to loan out textbooks for the upcoming academic year to students whose families narrowly missed out of the monetary bursary that Hogwarts provides for its most financially dependent students.

There’s an element of anonymity that libraries provide which mainstream book providers do not.

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

Applications for consideration have already been owled out to those who would benefit and in preparation, a separate ‘Hogwarts Only’ section behind the counter, has been dedicated to textbooks from Years One through Seven. ‘I think it’s a fabulous initiative,’ she says, ‘the textbooks can be rather expensive and when you have a family of five or more children attending Hogwarts, it all adds up. At least it will be one thing that anxious parents don’t have to worry about anymore.’ Later that day, I set up a floo appointment with Fergus Dearbourne himself to ask him about the new changes affecting the wizarding communities across Great Britain and his plans for future development. He is a hardy thirtysomething wizard, with a warm smile, at FERGUS odds with Archibald DEARBOURNE Carrow’s description of department of wizarding a ‘wicked and insolent crook who wants to community relations line his money purse with the hard earned Galleons of the working wizard.’ It immediately becomes clear that he has great pride in the activities he has been able to lead, thus far. ‘I wandered into a muggle library several years ago when I needed the toilet,’ he laughed, ‘and I left with this gnawing feeling that the wizarding world needs to play catch up in a changing world. I would have loved something like a library or community meeting room which my friends and I could go to, someplace where we didn’t have to hide who we were and could do things in our spare time rather than be cooped up at home. It’s not just the literacy element but the social side of things such as clubs, groups

I left with this gnawing feeling that the wizarding world needs to play catch up in a changing world.

and networking which libraries can also provide.’ I ask if he finds that’s the general consensus. Fergus nods vigorously. ‘My office gets around thirty to forty owls a day from wizards and witches of all walks of life, all of them praising us for the work we’re doing and how having a library has changed their life. Some of them weren’t leaving their houses before and now it’s become a social spot for them and a highlight of their week. Word is even getting around to those on the continent and we will be hosting Ministry Officials from Bulgaria next week who will be visiting us to see the results of our efforts first hand.’ ‘What would you like to tell those reading who still remain unconvinced?’ ‘Definitely visit one of our branches yourself before you draw your conclusions. It’s new and perhaps daunting to have something so unfamiliar around, something muggle-like, but you may be surprised. It may be muggle-like yes, but with a decidedly wizarding spin on it- that aspect isn’t going to change.’ My final question draws a broad smile from him. ‘What are your plans for the future?’ ‘Libraries are just the beginning,’ he says, a glint in his eye, ‘I’m already in talks with those in the Education Sector to determine whether wizarding primary schools for those children who are waiting until they turn eleven. It would be funded by the Ministry and is, as far as my research staff has told me, the first of its kind in the wizarding world.’ It is clear that Fergus Dearbourne is not entirely finished with pushing the boundaries and shaking up wizarding society. Only time will tell, how effective these changes will be, but judging by the current climate, he may very well prove his die-hard critics spectacularly wrong.

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A Familiar Valentines Do you have a date this Valentines? You do? Great! But what about those poor animals you are leaving at home, alone, in the cold? Don’t you think they should have a little romance this holiday? Good, because I have just the place for you! At “A Familiar Valentines” we have everything your furry, feathered or… froggy friend will need to enjoy themselves! All across the globe my wonderful (and clearly single) witches and wizards are already setting up Cat Cafes, Toad restaurants and Owl … uhh… owl think of better alliteration later. The important point is that we can pick up your pampered pets and give them the time of their lives! Simply describe your cat, owl or toad’s personality and send it to us by owl. We will use our romance magic to pair your loved one with a loved one of their own, and we will even pick them up on the day! (Please have your pet ready for us in a cage/box etc for easy transportation). You can set the time you would like the date to last to match your own, from 1 hour to 24 hours! And if your own date turns out to be a troll, you have a perfect excuse to leave early! If you come to pick up your pet before the allotted time we will provide you with a small bottle of firewhiskey and a lift home. We also offer extras for your pet’s date, by paying just a little more you can have your pet pampered before their date! We can also provide stunning bow ties for males and beautiful bows for females. You can request private rooms, live music, dessert, flowers, special animal-safe chocolates and much more! We will also ensure the safety of your dear pet, with separate areas for cats, owls and toads, and we can even set up a safe word with you so no one else can accidentally collect your animal. Our prices start at just 15 sickles, with the highest tiered date being 2 galleons. Don’t you think your pet deserves some love too? If so, or if you want to find out more information, send an owl with your pet’s details to:

A Familiar Valentines And we will do the hard work! PS. If you don’t have a date or pet of your own, you are more than welcome to volunteer this Valentine’s Day to make someone else’s day magical. If so, just send an owl with your own details. PPS. Please make it obvious that you are sending details of yourself, otherwise you may end up on a date with a Toad. Happy Valentines Day! 9

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Too much butterbeer increases hallucinogenic diseases? Nymphidiel: In addition to promoting weight gain, butterbeer may conceal other dangers. Its increasing consumption could explain the increase in the number of patients affected by hallucinations. The disease affects mainly men and causes more than 1,500 cases per year in the UK. At the U. S. congress on magical diseases from food, an Australian study was bombed. According to these researchers, the increase in the number of cases of lunar hallucinations is due to the consumption of butterbeer. Info or intox?

Indeed, the Australian team builds on previous studies according to which drinks with foam and fat distend the tissues, favour the sagging, and thus the reflux of gas from throat to nose. These ascents increase the risk of lunar hallucinations, which is located in the cereThis team found a strong correlation bral cortex. Small calculation: the conbetween the increase of individual sumption of 0.5 of butterbeer per day consumption of this type of drink over (approximately one pint) corresponds the last 20 years and the increase in the to 75 minutes of gas exposure and 182 number of lunar hallucinations. Based litres per year corresponds to 227 hours on data from the Australian Department of exposure of the brain to gases per of Agri-Food, the Australian team found year. And according to the wizard rethat consumption in butterbeer had searchers, this foam would be dangerincreased 550 per cent over the past 35 ous in the long term. years, from 65 litres per person in 1983 to 422 litres in 2018. At the same time, But not everything is dark in the world over the last 20 years, the number of of butterbeer! Beverages containing lunar hallucinations has increased by heated sugar could be successful... An670% among Australian wizards. other study presented at the same congress seems to show a protective effect In terms of statistics, this increase in of caramel on stomach inflammation. lunar hallucinations cases follows the increase in consumption of butterbeer While the role of butterbeer in the apwith a lag of 15 years. But during this pearance of lunar hallucinations has same period, other dietary changes yet to be confirmed, (correlation does may have occurred and could be at the not mean causality) certain other bad origin of this phenomenon. Would this eating habits have proved their harmstatistical observation not be a mere fulness: the consumption of Firewhisky coincidence? On the basis of previous with Bertie Bottâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Every Flavour Beans, publications, scientists have put forward or the abuse of Chocolate Frogs, had an a biological explanation of the phenom- impact on stomach fizziness. Also, butenon. terbeer, like any other food, should be consume in moderation 11

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The Harry Potter Rankdown 3 has kicked off After months of patient waiting, the fans of the first two Rankdowns can finally rejoice: the Harry Potter Rankdown has returned, and it’s bigger than ever. This third season of Rankdown officially opened its pearly gates at the start of February and has recently wrapped up its first month of character analyses, or “cutting”, as the Rankers call it. At the time of writing this article, a total of 39 characters have been cut from the list, generating discussion in the form of dozens upon dozens of comments. The cuts so far have included safe guesses, generally hated side characters, minor shocks, fierce debating and even an early resurrection of a character that was gone too soon.

“Weirdly, I'm beginning to appreciate the ranking of the "bottom tier" characters quite a lot, and I'll miss it when we get to the top 25 because the merits of a lot of the most popular characters have been really well done, but there are so many mid-tier characters who aren't considered quite as well,” describes BavelTravelUnravel, another Ranker.

“I'm treating Rankdown as a learning experience, and every conversation I have helps me in that respect,” shares Edihau, one of this year’s Rankers.

The third season features an entirely-new cast of eight Rankers. Five of them are from Ravenclaw, two are Hufflepuffs and one represents Slytherin. Unfortunately, there are no Gryffindor Rankers this year, but there are still several Gryffindor students following the Rankdown and taking part in the spectator activities, which have been reworked for this year.

But hold on, what even is a Rankdown? The Harry Potter Rankdown is a separate subreddit where a predetermined group of Rankers take turns in eliminating a character from the list of 200 most mentioned characters in the Harry Potter series. This is the third annual Rankdown, making it effectively “Rankdown 3”. One by one the characters are dropped out of the list, until ultimately the sub will find out who are the top characters in the Potterverse. The elimination is based on the literary merit and quality of their characterization, which are analyzed in the “cuts” that the Rankers write and post. Essentially, every cut is an analysis about why the determined character is the weakest one in the remaining list. Since everyone has their unique views on what makes a great character, Rankdown is very interpretative and subjective. Indeed, the masterminds behind the whole project have called it “a messy consensus-building”. 12

The spectators can place bets on characters they think are going to be cut out in the following month. They can also partake in the discussions that follow the official analyses, and with both insightful comments and the aforementioned bets they can earn “credits”. And with these credits they’re able to use Quidditch Balls as a means to affect the Rankdown itself! For example, they can purchase a Bludger and toss it at a Ranker, which prevents them from cutting a character of the spectator’s choosing. The mods have proclaimed this year’s Rankdown to be a special edition, in which the spectators have been given a lot of opportunities. “There are so many whatsits and doodads that sometimes it’s honestly hard to keep track of everything,”

reveals Rysler, a Ranker and a known weirdo. This year’s starring Rankers are A_Wisher (Ravenclaw), Aria-rain (Hufflepuff), BavelTravelUnravel (Ravenclaw), Edihau (Ravenclaw), MacabreGoblin (Slytherin), TurnThatPaige (Ravenclaw), Oomps62 (Ravenclaw) and Rysler (Hufflepuff). These eight rankers were chosen from some two dozen applicants, following the initial application and a month-lasting “Rankdown Dojo”, a sort of an arena where over a score of eager debaters engaged each other in friendly banter about their views on the HP universe. The Moderators of Rankdown are reportedly very eager and excited about the new cuts and the Rankers they’ve found. Several Rankers have already created some very creative types of cuts, including commercials, poems and raps. They’re not even afraid to make controversial calls, as several cuts have already demonstrated. The Harry Potter Rankdown 3 is going to last for several months. The origins of Rankdown are tied to the Survivor Rankdown, where users did a similar list about the best Survivors. The idea was first pitched in 2016 by Moostronus, an original Ranker, who’s nowadays a Commissioner. “As always, I'm looking forward to the new perspectives the rankers bring to these characters. If someone can make me stop and say ‘Huh, I didn't consider Luna/Kingsley/ Ernie that way,’ I'm stoked,” Moostronus says.

Want to hear more about the Rankers, their views and philosophies? Check out the Quibbler’s exclusive interviews on the following pages!

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AN INSIDE LOOK TO

HARRY POTTER RANKDOWN 3 WRITTEN BY RYSLER

QUIBBLER NEWS & FEATURES

The staff of Quibbler has spared no expense in covering the Rankdown. After pulling some strings, the magazine managed to obtain some exclusive, never-before seen interviews from several of this years Rankers! As a bonus, our reporter even got a hold of a very special quest, one of the Rankdowns original Commissioners! This article aims to introduce the Rankers and their philosophies to the readers. BavelTravelUnravel, The Mouth of the South BavelTravelUnravel (Bavel for short) is a Ravenclaw Ranker who loves Hermione but feels less warmly towards Lily. She’s a very active member of the Harry Potter community, who’s been known to fiercely defend her favourites’ honor against the raving hordes of dissentious commenters and she’s not afraid to argue her case. What brought her to Rankdown 3 was a particular thread where Albus Dumbledore was slandered. Bavel’s determined defense of the headmaster brought her the attention of Bisonburgers, a venerated veteran and a talent-scout, who promptly suggested Rankdown to her. After going through the gauntlet that was the Rankdown Dojo, Bavel has found herself amongst the ranks of Rankers. - I'm very active on the Harry Potter subreddit, especially on threads that went in depth a lot on character and plot stuff. There was a particular thread slandering Albus Dumbledore and I wouldn't stand for it. Neither would bisonburgers. It felt a bit like the two of us against (that particular day's) subreddit users. She thought I would be interested in Rankdown and here we are! Bavel describes. What fascinates Bavel about the characters is first and foremost their literary merit. For Bavel, a character’s value is a mixture of their contribution to a theme, the depth of their character and gut feeling. - Everyone has a part to play in the series, so I'm ranking on whether that character does that part well. For me, because I tend to be focused on themes, I look at that character's contribution to theme (Lily and sacrifice, Hedwig and innocence, etc.). Her favourite characters include the front runners Remus Lupin, 14

Albus Dumbledore and Hermione Granger, but she is still very interested about some minor characters such as Ernie Macmillan and Ernie Prang. - Weirdly, I'm beginning to appreciate the ranking of the "bottom tier" characters quite a lot, and I'll miss it when we get to the top 25 because the merits of a lot of the most popular characters have been really well done, but there are so many mid-tier characters who aren't considered quite as well. Particularly, Peter Pettigrew. As for minor characters, I really hope I get to do Ernie Prang's write-up, but I don't want to give it away beforehand! After the first month and a half of cutting, Bavel stands out as the only Ranker to have used their sole “Keeper” power, that is, the power to bring back a character who has been cut. Bavel rescued Cho Chang from a cut made by another Ranker. She explained this by stating that she was determined to save any character who was cut at least 50 spots before her own ranking of them. - I had arguments fully prepared for the top characters, but I did not ever consider how difficult it would be to rank the bottom 100, she muses. Besides resurrecting Cho Chang, the characters that Bavel has cut include Scabior the Snatcher, Marge Dursley, Apolline Delacour, Amycus Carrow and Errol the Owl. - In the end, however, Marge’s character adds really nothing to the Potterverse (which is rife with bullies). She exists to be the catalyst for Harry leaving Privet Drive that summer, and that particular event countered much of the canon leading up to and since then. She gets points taken away for muddying the waters of the HP world without adding any depth to it, Bavel concluded her second official cut.

Edihau, The New York Knockout Edihau is a Ravenclaw who feels like Draco Malfoy is the best written person of the Potterverse, whilst James Potter is the most overrated. Edihau is a double major in two math fields, which hasn’t stopped him from asking tons of questions and searching for answers even when it comes to literature or just about any other field. Rumors have it that house-elves killed his family, but the Quibbler can neither confirm or deny this. - After spectating HPR2 (Harry Potter Rankdown 2), which was chock-full of character exploration, I knew that this was something I was interested in, Edihau explains for his reason to join Rankdown 3. Edihau is a man on a mission. He strongly believes that characters who don’t do anything should be cut sooner than more prominent characters that some people don’t like. - One of the aspect of ranking that frustrated me in HPR2 was that characters who did very little as characters stuck around longer than characters that some people didn't like. We've started to fall into this trap in HPR3, and while I have no problem fixing it, I am 1 of 8, Edihau explains. When determining the characters’ worth, Edihau’s technique is to imagine the story being put on stage, with the books acting as merely a reference for the script. With that in mind, Edihau imagines which actors would have the potential to especially excel it what they’re supposed to do. The characters must feel complete, they must have reasons for their everything they do or say, and their feeling must carry on to the audience. - The characters that give the most potential to those actors are the best characters in my book, Edihau muses. When asked about this Rankdown’s following months, Edihau says that he’s most looking forward to the very next conversation that he can take part in. - I'm treating Rankdown as a learning experience, and every conversation I have helps me in that respect, he concludes. Edihau holds the honor of making

the very first cut of the year. This year’s Rankdown began with his analysis of The Basilisk, where he compared the ancient snake to a minor video game boss who has no personality and only exists to be defeated by the hero. After that, Edihau has proceeded to cut characters such as The Flying Ford Anglia, Pius Thicknesse, Albus Severus Potter and Sturgis Podmore. His musing about the Ford Anglia and it’s soul was greeted with great enthusiasm in the Rankdown circles. - It’s interesting that while wizards can turn animate creatures into inanimate), turn inanimate objects into animate things, and animate previously inanimate objects, they can’t revive someone from the dead. Inferi exist, as does the Resurrection Stone, but while the reanimated beings are technically animate versions of things that have since died, they are not truly alive. In the HP-verse, the unification of body and soul is what determines whether you are alive, Edihau argued in his second cut. Rysler, the Finnish Flash Rysler is a Hufflepuff and a fairly new addition, who has little ambition but a bunch of strange addictions. Rysler’s favourite character is Albus Dumbledore, while people like Draco Malfoy make him bored. He’s infamous for regularly going overboard and frantically trying to rhyme every word. - I started redditing when the Rankdown was already well underway last year, so I didn’t really pay attention to it. But when I found out what it was, it sounded right up my alley! A life where I don’t have a couple of hours every month to talk about Harry Potter isn’t a life worth living, Rysler claims. His style of cutting isn’t quite as organized as his colleagues. When evaluating the characters, Rysler thinks about the characters and how much they resonate, what kind of impact they make. He admits to having a soft spot for characters who display internal struggles. - I believe that strong characters should be able to stand on their own two feet. They should have memorable personalities and some sort of evolution during the series. In a sense, they need to feel real, as

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in complete characters instead of caricatures or walking plot devices, he explains.

to well-written comments. He’s also known to sneak up on Rankers if they’re slacking off.

What interests Rysler in the Rankdown is the opportunities to rant about a beloved series with fellow fans. He especially looks forward to trading views, jokes and thoughts about the characters and themes. There are a couple of characters he desperately would like to analyze, but he doesn’t want to reveal their names in fear of being intercepted.

- If you guys start posting late, well, grumpy Moose shows up and reminds you to get your shit back on track! Moostronus gleefully warns.

Rysler’s most infamous contribution to Rankdown so far has been writing the cut of Teddy Lupin completely in rhyme. Besides that, he has cut characters like Norberta, Dawlish, Sir Patrick Delaney-Podmore and Roger Davies. - The thing about him that greatly bothers / Is that we only know what he means to others / Yes, he is loved, that much we know / But what about Teddy himself? Don’t tell but show! / If we rate him based on what he means to Harry / We might as well add Hermione’s great love, the Library, wrote Rysler in his rhyming cut of Teddy Lupin, a style he promptly dropped. Moostronus, the Commissioner: Moostronus is an original Ranker, an ex-professor, a moderator and all-around very swell dude. He’s been a part of every Harry Potter Rankdown and has taken a very central role in the managing of this year’s edition. Indeed, he’s been very integral in creating the Rankdown in the first place. - Rankdown is actually not an original /r/hp concept; the first one I saw on Reddit was /r/SurvivorRankdown, which I followed near the end and into the second. Either way, the HP Rankdown was first pitched by me on /r/survivorofftopic in a certain thread, which led to a different thread in /r/hp where Gina took my half sketched out ideas and turned them into a massive community event. The rest, as they say, is history. Moostronus describes himself as the guy who makes sure the trains are running on time. His duties include devising the theme and point system along with his fellow cabal, helping to select the current Rankers, finalizing the list of the top 200 characters and awarding points

Back when Moostronus was a Ranker, he had several philosophies when it came to cutting. For example, he believes that a character who harms the narrative is always worse than a character who does nothing at all. He explains this as believing that Harry Potter is an imperfect series that could be improved, like any other series. - Larger characters have a larger onus for character depth. Smaller characters only need to fill their role well. I had Merope Gaunt ahead of Harry in my personal rankings; I thought she was a near-perfect minor character, whereas Harry was a relatively flat protagonist. The number of mentions a character had could actively work against them, Moostronus reasons. Also, Moostronus firmly believes that literary is inherently emotional. This is why he values characters who make him feel complex and ambiguous emotions. Examples of this include Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, who Moostronus claims to have thought about long after he was done with the text. - Once I had the emotional resonance, I'd dig into the text and try to figure out why I was connecting with them and what elements of their construction made me empathize so strongly, he describes. Now that Moostronus is mostly on a spectator’s seat, he looks forward to new perspectives that new Rankers will bring to the table. He’s very keen on having thoroughly argued perspectives instead of plot summaries. - If someone can make me stop and say "Huh, I didn't consider Luna/ Kingsley/Ernie that way," I'm stoked. Also, the devious side of me wants to see how people will use their Seekers, Moostronus concludes. And that concludes our exclusive interviews of the Rankdown staff.

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NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER

LAW ENFORCEMENT REPORTS The Head of Magical Law Enforcement noted that this season, incidents were few and far in between, however were very grave. Remember to stay ever vigilant and to treat fellow Muggles with compassion. MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT PATROL: ◊ January 1 12:05 AM- MLE Squad called in to a mostly muggle area after reports of unauthorized magical fireworks were sighted. Wizards in possession of fireworks were promptly fined. ◊ January 1 12:10 AM- MLE Squad was called in to Bane alley after reports of an illegal duel to the death were Floo-ed in. Three separate duels were stopped and all parties involved were brought into the MLE holding cell. No charges were filed. ◊ February 6 8: 05 PM- Muggles launched an automobile into space this evening. There were various owls from anonymous sources claiming that the neo-death eaters would be sabotaging the event. MLE patrol kept a close eye on this muggle event but there were no disturbances. ◊ February 14 10:55 PM- Reports were called in of a domestic disturbance in Hogsmeade. A wizard was found by his wife with his lover. His wife hexed him with an unknown spell. The wizard was taken to St. Mungo’s and the wife was brought in for further questioning. DEPARTMENT OF INTOXICATING SUBSTANCES: ◊ January 1 3: 45 AM- Aurors called in after reports of a drunk wizard in the middle of Paris were owled in. The wizard in question kept babbling about unicorns and centaurs. He did

take out his wand multiple time but was too drunk to be able to use it. Wizard was brought into the MLE holding cell with no issue.

population surge. The Department of Magical creatures is working hard to keep the unicorn population a secret from muggles.

◊ Feb 8 4:25 PM- Reports of an unregistered production of Amortentia were owled in by an anonymous source and Aurors were able to seize all illegal substances. All individuals were taken in for questioning.

◊ March 13 4:59 PM- Unknown magical creatures in the middle of mating ritual caused several disturbances within a muggle population. Magizoologists and Aurors quickly enclosed the creatures within a muggle repellant area.

◊ February 14 8:55 PM- A witch flooed for help after dozing her date with a love potion. It seems the wizard had an allergic reaction something in the potion and was taken to St. Mungo’s for treatment. The potion is being analyzed and the witch is in holding. IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC: ◊ January 3 2:57 AM- Witch was found to be illegally selling magical weight loss potions to muggles via “instagram”. While the potions seized worked on the magical persons, the side effects are yet unknown for muggles. It is believed that results varied from muggle to muggle and changed their whole appearance. Witch is in questioning and muggle victims are being observed. DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES: ◊ January 5 6:09 AM- The magical population of unicorns has quadrupled in the last decade. Magizoologists are unsure as to why this has happened but have cause to believe that muggle belief in this magical creature is related to the unicorn

◊ March 10 3:55 PM- Leprechauns all over the country are rioting over St. Patrick’s day. They feel its a day they should be allowed to show themselves to muggles as they will be highly incapacitated to know the difference. At this time, the department for the regulation and control of Magical Creatures strongly advises against this. The leprechauns will be kept under close watch during this time. DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES ◊ OCTOBER 21 2:22 AM; Muggle “policemen” had to be obliviated after wizard caused their “fire legs” to spew grindylow spit. Wizard was apprehended. ◊ OCTOBER 25 8:49 PM: Muggles in a local suburban community had to be obliviated after a witch had brought all Halloween decorations to life. Muggles were given calming draughts and all decorations were taken back to their respective yards. Suspected witch has been taken in for questioning.

GICAL LAW MA E

EPARTME * D NT

EMENT * RC FO N

The Minister of Magic and The Head of Magical Law Enforcement would like to thank the Auror Headquarters, Wizengamot Administration Services, Hit Wizards, Investigation Department, Ministry of Magic Witch Watchers, Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects, and E O DI I all others that keep our world safe. A DIVIS OF

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MUGGLE-MAGIC COUPLES

BY: SILVESTRESS

ART BY: PASTELPURRFECT

Two issues ago I managed to get an interview with two wonderful and inspiring people, Bill and Anna, a wizard and a muggle, who had overcome a lot of prejudices and fallen in love! Now, this issue of the quibbler is all about love, romance, and most importantly, heart shaped chocolates, so I scoured the globe (okay, a very small portion of it) to find even more of these charming stories!

RICHARD AND LISA: AN UNUSUAL MEETING The first couple are London based Ministry worker, Richard, and Cambridge Professor of Theology, Lisa.

So how did the two of you meet? Lisa: It started as a normal day for me, teaching a couple of classes before getting a coffee from down the street. Richard: For me as well, I got an owl about a possible misuse of muggle artifact incident nearby, and was asked to go check it out. Lisa: It was taking longer than usual for the baristas to get through the queue; I almost left without my drink. Then there was yelling from the back and someone crying for help. I'm trained in first aid so I went through to help however I could. Richard: I had just arrived when the commotion began and saw Lisa trying to walk through the staff door. I knew she would just be another muggle I 18

would have to obliviate, so I tried to dissuade her. Lisa: He had no chance though, I could hear people in distress and I knew I could help. No one was going to be able to stop me going into that room, especially some random strangely dressed man. So I just pushed past him and through the door. Richard: She’s still the most stubborn woman I've ever met. I love her for it, but in that moment it was infuriating! In the back room was damn Mundungus’s nose biting teapots, I don't know why a coffee shop would have teapots but they were there, and they were biting the poor worker’s noses.

Did you not think it was weird when you saw what was happening Lisa? Lisa: I did, but I knew it was more important to help the people who were hurt. I saw Richard do something that stopped the teapots, and I helped to stop the bleeding. Richard: At this point I assumed she was a witch, she was so nonchalant about what was happening it didn't even occur to me that she wasn't. I messaged a team from St Mungos to come and look at the obliviated baristas, and Lisa and I left out of the rear staff entrance. Lisa: I saw his wand of course. Part of me was terrified but the researcher in me was too intrigued to let him out of my sight.

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER

So at what point did you find out he was a wizard? Lisa: Almost straight away, the way he was talking (because at this point he thought I was a witch), the things he was talking about. I had no idea what he was saying for most of it but I could make a guess. He was either insane or the most amazing man I had ever met.

So you parted ways after this, and you still didn't know she was a muggle? Richard: As she said, she literally didn't let me out of her sight and we ended up talking all night. It wasn't until the next day that it dawned on me and I knew I would have to make her forget everything. I just couldn't do it and we've been together ever since.

JASMINE AND HARRY: TWO DOUBLE LIVES This second couple have the same problem I'm sure a few of you have, deciding what to tell family and friends, as a muggle, about a magic spouse.

I've heard that the two of you have a very interesting way of dealing with the problems that come with keeping magic a secret, would you mind describing it to our readers? Jasmine: Well my family are relativelyâ&#x20AC;Ś of the pure blood mentality. I hate it, and I clearly don't agree with it or I would not be with Harry, but equally they are my family, and I couldn't just kick them out of my life.

Harry: I wouldn't let her simply for me, I would hate to be the reason for her to lose her family. Obviously I couldn't tell my family that Jasmine is witch, so we had to come up with a way to comfortably live amongst both of our families. Jasmine: I was happy to hide my wand, cauldron, broom, everything that made me a witch whenever his family visited. Harry: Luckily she had a cat, so we didn't have to try and explain away an owl in our living room! 19

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Jasmine: I did have to learn how to use a lot of muggle items and to stop automatically reaching for my wand for simple tasks. It was fun coming up with a fake past: what school I went to, my first job. It was harder for Harry though. I'm assuming you came up with a wizarding life? Harry: Exactly, I needed to learn spells, what it was like in school, everything about Diagon Alley. Jasmine made it slightly easier on me by introducing her friend from Ilvermony to “teach” me about it, which actually made it into a fun game! Jasmine: I began quizzing him randomly about random aspects of wizarding life, and I always had a handy packet of Bertie Bott’s Beans in case he got something wrong. But even if he knew everything, how could you get him using magic in front of your family? Jasmine: I have become rather proficient in non-verbal spells. My American friend had an old wand which Harry keeps on him when my family are around and I cast the spells while he said the incantation and waved his wand around! Harry: It's quite fun pretending to be a wizard, even if I know I'll never actually be one. It does mean though that I can help our future children out with their coursework if they go to Hogwarts! How would you keep up your double lives with children? They will either be muggles or witches/wizards, how would you explain

it to your families? Harry: We have thought about coming out to my parents specifically if they have magic, it would make our lives a lot easier, I won't lie about that. We have to worry about whether we've left a spell book out or hidden the broomstick away, the harder part would be if they are muggles. Jasmine: I would hate to tell my family that they have a “squib” in the family, because I know how much they would look down on my child. It would probably be easier to tell them about Harry to soften the blow. Harry: They would at least be able to blame me for the “bad genes” rather than their own blood. I would hope that they would be nicer to our childen because of it. That sounds like a horrible decision to have to make. Harry: We made a choice when we became a couple to live two lives, I guess at the time we didn't think about the long term problems. Jasmine: I think if it really came to it, especially if our children were muggles, I would remove my family from our lives and live a fully muggle life. Harry: You wouldn't be able to give up your wand though, I've seen you use it to bring your drink closer to you! Jasmine: Well… yes, I suppose I would keep my wand, and we live far enough from a town that I could probably keep my broomstick too… and our children could definitely benefit from some of my healing draughts, so I would need my cauldron too…

EVELYN AND GEORGE: HAPPILY EVER AFTER

The last, lovely couple have been married for thirty years! They have had two children and have not had to lie to their loved ones! So I think the biggest question my readers will be asking will be about your children. Are they muggles? Evelyn: We got a half and half! Our daughter is a witch, like me, and our son is a muggle, like George. George: It was difficult trying to explain it when they were younger, even before she went to a different school. Luke was always jealous of Faye’s magic and she started showing at a very early age. Evelyn: Getting her to eat new things was the worst. Brussels sprouts were always teleporting into Luke’s plate! It's a good thing he liked them. So how did you explain to him that he wouldn't be able to do magic? George: It helped that I couldn't either and his aunts, uncles, cousins, and everyone else on my side of the family. We just explained that like hair colour or eye colour, some people had the gene and some people couldn't. Evelyn: And Faye never rubbed it in his face either, even when she came back from Hogwarts for the holidays. It's not like she didn't 20

talk to him about it, but she also complained about homework and unfair professors just like he would. She made it normal. George: We decided to send him to a boarding school as well; we wanted their lives to be as similar as possible under the circumstances.They were punished and rewarded equally, it might just be because of different thing. Evelyn: They were both rewarded for hard work: cleaning the house, doing the dishes, feeding the owl. But, we would scold Faye for doing it using magic because that was cheating, especially while she was underage. And we would tell Luke off for messing with her potion ingredients or thing like that. It must have been difficult though, trying to find the right balance. Faye would obviously have to practice magic at some point and how can you let her do something but not Luke? Evelyn: Exactly, but we made it work somehow. They both grew up to be amazing people, so we did something right!

George: Luke went on to study genetics, he wanted to see if he could find the gene responsible for magic, so I suppose he couldn't really stay away from it. Evelyn: I don't think he ever wanted to though, while he was muggle like half his family, the over half were still witches and wizards, and they loved him the same as any family member. It's not surprising that he wanted to find a way back into it. Speaking of your family, you told them straight away that he was a muggle, and George you told yours that Evelyn was a witch. How did you go about doing that? Evelyn: I never saw the point of lying to my family, I love this man and I'm not going to hide it from anyone; I don't care if he is a wizard or not. My family were luckily very accepting of him and made sure that he felt like he fit in. They even had an electrician come into their home to install plug sockets! I don't think they even really understood what they did at the time but when they visited George’s flat while we were still dating they noticed them on the walls. George: They were very interested in my muggle life, asking me how I could possibly manage to do such mundane tasks without magic! I think it helped that I was so “interesting” to them and was able to do odd jobs around the house for them. Evelyn: We knew we wouldn't be able to just throw out the truth with George’s family though. Instead I met with them a few times, gained their trust and respect, before revealing what I was. George: You have to remember that it was a very long time ago and my parents were already old fashioned. They were of the age where racism was pretty abundant. I wasn't sure how they would react with me bringing home a witch. Evelyn: They were obviously shocked at first, his mother looked especially hurt at our deception. It was George’s father who helped the most I think. George: He could remember as a young boy his grandmother, who was becoming senile in her old age, ranting on about a sister of hers who nobody could name. At the time when she said she was a witch they all thought she was simply insulting an imaginary sibling.

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Evelyn: He put two and two together and decided that I was practically family already! Just as my family were curious about George, his family were wanting to know as much about me and magic as possible. We even ended up looking for the lost sister; found that she was a muggle-born witch. Unfortunately her family didn't accept her at the time and she ran away but it did prove there was magic in the family. George: And the best part about telling the truth now is our families will often get together, especially at birthdays and holidays, and can be themselves around each other. It's very liberating.

Would you suggest that other couples like yourself should be honest with their families? George: It could have gone a lot worse for us, and we can understand the young couples who don't feel that they can tell the truth. I can talk for both of us when I say we would always recommend coming clean with your family. It makes life so much easier and makes you so much happier for not having to hide a huge part of your life. Evelyn: But that being said, if they don't feel like it would be safe to tell the truth, or truly don't believe that their family would either believe them or accept them, then for those people they may be happier to leave things as they are.

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written by HylianEngineer with special thanks to the entirety of /r/ravenclaw.

e all know Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, Chocolate Frogs and Ice Mice. These delicious wizarding candies are something most of us grew up with. However, the magical effects can be tiring at times! It would be great to not chase after your chocolate, breathe fire, or bite into a particularly nasty Every Flavour Bean. Sometimes, non magical candy can have its own sense of magic. Some of you might already know Jelly Babies or Sherbet Fountains, but how familiar are you with muggle treats from overseas? Here is the sweet scoop on muggle candy totally worth traveling for!

TRAVEL QUIBBLER

Calissons

Let’s start nearby home. Just on the other side of the Channel, in France. Their violet ice cream with its pastel colour is not only beautiful to behold, but also arguably one of the most delicious ice creams out there! Want something less cold? Calissons are definitely a treat you should try. This fruity sweet is made from a smooth, pale yellow, homogeneous paste of candied fruit (usually melons and oranges), and mixed together with ground almonds. Topped with a thin layer of royal icing, this is a finger-licking treat worth your travel time. Don’t forget to pick up some magical salted butter caramels if you happen to visit Brittany!

Gentse Neuzen

North of France is Belgium. For those of you who don’t know, they are world famous for having some of the best chocolate. In fact, all Chocolate Frogs are made from 100% Belgian Chocolate! Aside from the chocolate, Belgium also offers ‘Gentse Neuzen’; sometimes known as ‘Cuberdons’. Made from Acacia gum and filled with raspberry gelatin, these snacks are absolutely magical They are sold in Ghent and Bruges. Also from the mainland is ‘Marzipan’. A dough made from almonds and sugar is kneaded and formed in tons of different shapes. The most common being carrots, apples, strawberries and peaches. Does your Mum keep telling you to eat your veggies? Visit Germany to get some vegetable-shaped Marzipan!

Stroopwaffle

Semlor West of Germany is the Netherlands! Known in the Wizarding World as the place where Magic Speed Skating was invented, the Netherlands is a quaint little country with many delicious foods to offer. The best time to visit the Netherlands is in November, as the country has many seasonal sweets. Oliebollen for example, are only for sale November through December, as they are traditionally eaten on New Year’s Eve. Pepernoten are only for sale between September and early December, but are definitely worth the wait! Pepernoten are little cookies that one is supposed to eat by the handful. They are part of the Sinterklaas tradition, which is celebrated December 5th. The chocolate-covered versions are also worth tasting! No time to visit the Netherlands in November? No problem! The country offers Stroopwafels year round.

From the Netherlands, we travel north to the Scandinavian countries. First, Sweden. Here you can pick up some delicious dammsugare. These ‘vacuum cleaners’ are not only called that because of their appearance, but also because the pastry baker uses the crumbs from yesterday’s cookies for filling. When you’re there, also pick up a Semlor! It is a traditional sweet roll, filled with a delicious creamy substance. Also from Sweden, the Bilar. When muggles tried to imitate the American marshmallows, the failed product tasted great nonetheless creating the car-shaped Bilar. Prefer cake? Try the Kladdkaka! A chocolate mud cake, often served with vanilla cream and raspberries. It is similar to brownie and a delicious treat!

QUIBBLER TRAVEL

Smorbukk Teli Fagyi

A bit to the left, Norway has got a lot to offer too. Brunsost, literally ‘brown cheese’, has a misleading name. Rather than being cheese, it is caramelized goat’s milk. This soft toffee goes great together with honey and a big cup of tea, and maybe some Smørbukk - a traditional caramel. The caramel dough is boiled first in copper boilers, rolled out and then cut into pieces. When in Norway, one also has to try out the Vestlandslefsa. This flexible and thin griddle cake is served with butter, sugar and cinnamon. Norway has got the chocolate lovers in our midst covered too; the Kvikk Lunsj is the Scandinavian answer to the muggle ‘kit kat’. If you don't have a big sweet tooth, try saltlakrits, a salty version of liquorice.

Tunnocks Tea Cakes

From here, we travel back to the United Kingdom. Scottish muggles have some delicious treats to offer too! The Scottish Tablet is pure, unadulterated, sugary goodness. Mixing sugar, butter and condensed milk together, often flavoured with whiskey. Tunnock’s Teacakes are delicious as well. A small, round, shortbread biscuit covered in Italian meringue encased in a thin layer of chocolate. This sweet is perfect with a good cup of English tea. For those looking for something with a sharper taste, the Soor Plooms are definitely recommended. They are sold by quarter pounds, and deliciously green. The treat has become so iconic that it is the motto of the Scottish town Galashiels!

Hungary might be known in the Wizarding World as the home to many magical creatures, and the place of origin of the Hungarian Horntail. Any wizard visiting this magical country simply has to visit a muggle city to pick up any of the following treats. The Téli Fagyi is a sugar bomb mainly consisting of chocolate-flavoured mousse covered with a thin layer of chocolate, contained in a cone. The Balaton is somewhat similar in filling, as it is made of wafers pressed together with cocoa-cream layers, and coated in either milk or dark chocolate. Are you of age? Try Vadász! This chocolate bar, found in both dark or milk chocolate, is filled with cherry cream and a generous portion of alcohol, keeping you warm in the cold winters!

Pear Drops

In good old rainy England itself, the muggles have much to offer too. Jelly Babies, Liquorice Allsorts, Sherbet Fountains - rumoured to be Dumbledore’s favourites! - and Pear Drops are just a few to start with, all available at your nearest muggle store. Black Jacks and Fruit Salads are also delicious treats. They have a chewy texture and are each separately packaged in a little paper. Always wanted to eat rocks? Well, that is not recommended, but the muggle treat ‘Rock’ definitely is! It is most often sold in seaside cities. The default is mint, but they are also available in fruity flavours, or even curry or pizza flavoured! Last, but definitely not least is Kendal Mint Cake. Made with either white or brown sugar, the exact recipe is kept secret. It is a great source of energy, so make sure to pack some Kendal Mint Cakes on your travels through Europe!

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No time for traveling? No problem! Try these three recipes at home! German Rice Pudding

Swedish Havreflarn

Ingredients:

Directions:

1 cup of short grain white rice Â˝ cup of sugar 3 cups of milk 1 cup of cream â&#x2026;&#x203A; tablespoon of salt 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1.Mix the rice, sugar and salt in a large saucepan. Stir in the milk and cream, and add the vanilla extract. Place over medium heat and bring to a boil, stirring often. 2.Reduce heat and simmer the rice for 30 minutes, or until soft and milk/cream mixture becomes thick. Stir often. 3.Serve warm with cinnamon and sugar or fruit compote, or both.

100g Butter 100g Rolled Oats 150g Caster Sugar 1 Egg 1tbsp Plain Flour 1tsp Baking Powder

1.Start off by preheating your oven to 175 degrees Celsius. Melt the butter and then mix together with the oats. 2.In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg and sugar until pale. Add the oat and butter mixture in to the egg and sugar along with the flour and baking powder. Mix well until completely combined. 3.On baking sheets lined with baking paper, place teaspoonfuls of the mixture - you should end up making about 30 in total allowing ample room between the batter for spreading during baking. 4.Place into the oven and bake for about 6 to 7 minutes until well spread and starting to turn golden brown. 5.Remove and allow to cool on the tray before removing from the baking paper and serving. 25

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Greek Loukoumades Ingredients:

2 (.25 ounce) packages active dry yeast 1 cup warm water 1/2 cup warm milk 1/4 cup white sugar 1 teaspoon salt 1/3 cup butter, softened

3 eggs 4 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 cup honey 1/2 cup water 4 cups vegetable oil, or as needed 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

Directions:

1. Sprinkle the yeast over the warm water in a small bowl. The water should be no more than 100 degrees F (40 degrees C). Let stand for 5 minutes until the yeast softens and begins to form a creamy foam. In a large bowl, mix the warm milk, sugar, and salt, and mix to dissolve. Pour the yeast mixture into the milk mixture, and stir to combine. 2. Beat in the butter, eggs, and flour until the mixture forms a smooth, soft dough. Cover the bowl, and let rise until doubled in bulk, about 30 minutes. Stir the dough well, cover, and let rise 30 more minutes. 3. Mix honey and 1/2 cup of water in a saucepan, and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Turn off the heat and let the honey syrup cool. 4. Heat oil in a deep-fryer or large saucepan to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Oil should be about 2 inches deep. 5. Place a large table or soup spoon in a glass of water near the batter. Scoop up about 2 tablespoons of dough per puff with the wet spoon, drop it into the wet palm of your hand, and roll it back into the spoon to create a round shape. Do not over handle the puffy, soft dough. Drop the dough balls into the hot oil in batches, wetting the spoon each time you make a dough ball. Fry in the hot oil until golden brown on the bottom, and roll them over to cook the other side, 2 to 3 minutes per batch. Gently set the loukoumades aside to drain on paper towels. 6. Place the loukoumades on a baking sheet, drizzle them with honey syrup, and sprinkle with cinnamon. Serve warm.

Make sure to read the next Quibbler for the American edition of Muggle Candy Worth Traveling For

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Spring into Adventure with Ruby Red Jessi Hall: It doesn’t matter if you are a spring breaker, returning snowbird, or eager to get away after the long and cold winter. Ruby Red is springing into action with another fun filled vacation getaway! We are offering a four day and three night package in stunning Japan. Guests will be staying in the newly renovated Komodo Dragon Suites, situated in the heart of Tokyo’s magical district. Day One will be spent in the aforementioned magical district. Travelers will be treated to a guided walking tour of the historical sights and surroundings. Lunch will be provided courtesy of The Blue Lotus Café. The afternoon has been set aside for self guided shopping and sightseeing. Guests will have the choice of the hotel’s three dining establishments for supper. Day Two travelers will enjoy a bus tour of the Muggle parts of the city. The morning portion will be spent seeing the sights. Box lunch will be provided. The afternoon will be spent exploring the ruins and natural splendor of the historic Imperial Palace East Garden. Travelers are invited to choose their own accommodations for supper. Day Three travelers are being offered an educational extravaganza exclusive to Ruby Red. World renowned Japanese wizard Haro Reo will be of-

fering two fantastic seminars on the picturesque grounds of the hotel. The morning will be spent learning enchanting springtime magic not typically taught in in the western world. The afternoon will be spent learning new herbology techniques perfected by Haro himself. Meals will be provided by the hotel. Alternative arrangements can be made for travelers who do not wish to participate. Day Four will be spent at the breathtaking Ueno Park. Travelers will enjoy the day long spring celebrations honouring the beautiful cherry blossoms and hanami. Ruby Red has obtained the exclusive rights to host a stunning fireworks display at the park in the evening. Box Lunch and Dinner will be provided. Speak with your local Ruby Red agent for more information. Package prices vary by region. Bring a copy of this article for a 10% discount.

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Deprivations and Struggles of the Little of Men BY COLESSSLAW

ART BY PETEDS

MAGICAL PLANTS AND CREATURES QUIBBLER

It has been common knowledge that little creatures such as dwarves, goblins, elves and their likes have very special and direct concerns regarding the extent of their elevations for centuries. If you often encounter any of them, pray that you have already read this publication thoroughly. NEVER EVER joke about their height. If you’re not Fred or George, who can get away with probably anything, dare not to cross that thin line that separates you from eternal damnation. Goblins will have the dragon at Gringotts burn you into the depths of the vaults. Elves might not consider it as an insult but a lack of service to their masters. They’ll try to bang their heads on cabinets or try to run into the fire while repeating, “Bad Dobby! Bad!” And while Professor Flitwick might not have an aggressive nature, he has a very emotional side and you might find yourself mopping a pool of tears in detention.

Offer help when altitude is too high. A little Wingardium Leviosa, Locomotor or any Hovering Charm can do good. Being the bigger person you are, reach out to help instead of sniggering behind their backs or turning a blind eye from their pitiful struggles. You’re given more height than they are. Use it to your advantage; not to take advantage.

Set your help limit. In contrary to the preceding statement, it’s also important to know your ground. Just because they are under the average height doesn’t they can’t do anything normally. They need to be independent as well. You will, perhaps, be amazed at the many things they can do without any help at all.

Avoid colliding into them. Though accidents are inevitable, it best not be around the squat. They’ll have a hard time regaining their stance. Hagrid himself personally claims he is innocent from accidentally running into little men. If he can then you should be able to as well.

Focus more on their strengths than weaknesses. Their stature has taken no toll on their great abilities. For instance, goblins have been in-charge of managing our money in Gringotts since Merlin knows when. They know more finance strategies than Molly Weasley. Some of them have even forged the greatest sword that killed a basilisk and a python. Professor Flitwick, too, was a Duelling Champion. He can perform the spells and jinxes in Charms class better than anyone ever could. And we won’t be able to see Hogwarts squeaky clean and the students well fed without the houseelves of course. All those because of them.

If you think they’re giving you a hard time, run. Goblins may be a bit of trouble with their cautious and aloof attitude. You’re not supposed to offend them with height jokes so beat them with the subtlest form of insult. Their short twisted legs are no match for yours. Run, wizard. Run. We are all but men and women living in the same bittersweet world. If we still had the time to spit insults and whisper judgments to the queer, man, we are missing the chances of discovering the wrong and dark things we keep within ourselves.

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Ballpoint Pens the truth about muggle writing utensils investigated by /u/HylianEngineer

“Ballpoint pens” are a type of quill used by muggles. Since the invention of these pens in the late 19th century, muggles have been unable to keep track of them. They are often misplaced or “borrowed” by friends and coworkers who then forget to return them. Some wizards theorize that “ballpoint pens” are actually a type of magical creature. These creatures release an ink-like substance in much the same way dragons breathe fire. They feed off of the creative energy produced when muggles write or draw with them and show a particular interest in doodling. However, they eventually get bored (especially when used to take notes in a particularly dull class) and wander off to find a new host. Pens have the ability to become invisible, allowing them to hide from muggles and escape while the host is searching for them. It is also suspected that they have some sort of telepathic abilities, which they use when loaned to another muggle. If the borrower has more creative energy than the pen’s previous owner, the pen will cause the muggle to forget that they borrowed the pen and keep it until they too “lose” it. However, as they do with most other magical objects, muggles remain clueless about the true nature of their writing utensils.

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10 Reasons to Adopt a Shelter Cat art & article by: pastelpurrfect

Cats are truly marvelous fluffy little creatures. Did you know that in the United States, cats are more popular than dogs? There are 88 million cats, whilst there are only 74 million dogs. But did you also know that a study in 2008 showed that having a cat reduces stress, anxiety and lowers the risk of cardiovascular disease? Purrrfect right? But unfortunately, animal shelters are booming with cats needing furrever homes and here are 10 reasons why you should adopt, not shop.

1. You’re saving an animal’s life Shelters are FILLED with cats and it’s very expensive to keep them there, plus they always need space for new homeless/unwanted cats that have nowhere to go. So you adopting a cat will help a new cat get rescued and provided for. AND you are saving your new little kitty and giving it a great home. Some shelter are no-kill which is great 32

and amazing, but sadly some shelters euthanize cats that just aren’t getting adopted. Consider adopting a cat from one of these shelters to help save a kitty, some of them even have a list of cats up for being put down. You might find your forever buddy and save it before it’s too late.

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2. They can help your mental health Cats are great for emotional support. Stroking a cat’s fur can help calm anxiety and releases endorphins as well as other “happy” hormones in the brain, namely dopamine, oxytocin, prolactin and norepinephrine. Those are hormones that reduce stress and pain levels in your brain. The same endorphins are

released when you laugh, do intense exercise or eat chocolate. Cats and pets in general have been proven to help depression, anxiety and autism. A cat doesn't give bad advice, care how you look or who you are, they just love you for you.

3. Cats have healing powers Yup, while cats aren’t magical creatures they provide healing powers for humans, both mentally and physically. Besides helping your heart, a cat’s purr is not only cute but the vibrations have been found to lower blood pressure, promote bone strength, decrease dyspnea and heal muscle/ligament injuries. All while making you feel all pleasant and tingly inside. Having a cat also improves your children's immune system be stronger and grow up with a lower risk of respiratory issues and allergies, according to a study in Finland.

4. Adult cats are low maintenance

If you have a busy life and no time for a teaching a kitten, adult cats are great! They don’t need supervision to go to the bathroom, they groom themselves, they are independent and don’t need to be exercised every day. Adult cats already know their way around life and they settle into their routines very quickly. Many shelters also offer a pair of cats who would be great together, and two cats can keep themselves entertained and keep each other company, which is great if you travel a lot or work late.

5. Choose the purrfect cat personality fur you Cats all have very different personalities. Some like to keep to themselves and occasionally wants some affection, others follow you around everywhere you go and crave your love. Cats can be very shy, outgoing, playful, affectionate or reserved. Shelters are great in this case because they already have evaluated their personality and

can help you find the cat that suits you purrfectly. Getting a kitten and having them grow up into a personality that doesn’t suit your lifestyle can be devastating and even lead to finding them a new home. Imagine if you get a cat that needs your attention all the time if you travel a lot. Or if you get a reserved cat and you wanted a cuddle buddy. 33

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6. A bond fur life While cats are more hesitant to show affection, once you have bonded with your pet you have bonded for life! They are very loyal and

purrtective of their own. There have been several cases where cats protect their owners from scary burglars, pizza-men, and even domestic abuse. There’s even a story of a cat chasing a huge dog away that was attacking a toddler. Did you know that cats have special signs that show they love you? Slowly blinking their eyes at you, purring and turning their butts to you is a huge sign of trust from them. Also laying down and letting you touch their exposed belly, headbutting, giving you little “presents”, playful bites, following you around/being near you and kneading their paws on you, are all their way of saying “I love you”. Sometimes they will even try to groom you by licking your hair.

7. Shelter cats are cheap and good to go You’re saving a ton of bills to the vet by getting a shelter cat because they have already been spayed and neutered, immunized, microchipped, dewormed and any behavioural issues have already been assessed. They have often already been trained to use

the litter box and many come with a first free visit to the vet. Some shelters even offer a take-home box full of food, toys and other good stuff. Shelters has a mission to keep your animals happy while many pet stores and breeders don’t care much about that aspect.

8. Shelter cats come in all shapes & colors Whether you want a fat fluffy cat, a of cats in the shelter and they all need short-haired cutie, a tiny little kitten or you to take them home! You will find the an older furbaby, you can find all sorts purrfect companion.

9. Cats in shelters make the best friends

Saving a cat and providing them with love and a good life will make the cat connect with you deeper. They feel grateful for your love and become very attached to you. Shelters do everything

they can to keep the cats healthy and happy, but they can't spend all their time with just one cat and thereore it heavily relies on you to taking one home and giving it as much love as it needs.

10. Cats are cute as hell Anything can be a bed. Literally a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. They’re fluffy and funny to play with. You can call them silly names like; furball, mrs fluffboots, kittenpie and they don’t care. B.O.X.E.S. Why is it so cute seeing them fit into a box? Their paws, big eyes and cute meows. What is not to love? 34

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Unapproved Pets at Hogwarts written by /u/HazelUnicorn This insider story was brought to us by a Hogwarts student who would like to remain anonymous. They must be getting top marks in Care of Magical Creatures!

to the wild. Our source says the snidget has not been mishandled, or used for any quidditch practice, and is only cared for and loved. What a lucky student!

As all of us who went to Hogwarts know, students are allowed to bring one of three pets to Hogwarts. An owl, a cat, or a toad. But there have always been those students who sneak other small pets in right under the very nose of the Hogwarts caretaker, Filch, and his sneaky cat Mrs. Norris.

One student is said to be keeping a doxy in their magically expanded trunk, they've been selling off the eggs and venom to students for potions. This one might end up getting confiscated if the professors find it!

knows who he belongs to, but he's definitely not a cat! He's got the signature large ears, thick flecked fur, and bushy lionish tail of a kneazle. Our source says that he's uncharacteristically friendly for a kneazle, and will choose different students to tag along after each day. Luckily he seems to know to avoid the professors! He did turn on one third year student who tried to steal some of his long whiskers, and the boy ended up in the hospital wing for an evening, but it serves him right. Kneazle whiskers are one of the few things that can be used as a wand core, and the boy thought he could sell them, but he knows better now. Leave it to the wandmakers kid!

There were also a couple rats in the mix of pets not on the official list, nobody has ever minded rats, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a surprising comeback since the whole wormtail mix up!

Two Hufflepuff girls have been keeping flobberworms and There have been quite a few puffskeins, and even more pyg- flesh eating slugs in a magically segregated section of their my puffs this year, as per usual. Weasley's Wizard Wheezes house garden. Careful now! Flobberworms are fine, but the has been doing quite well with those little colorful puff balls! flesh eating slugs... Well that's self explanatory! I wonder A small grey kneazle has been wandering the halls, nobody what they want with those?

There have been several sightings of bowtruckles this year. Very useful little stick like creatures, they can help picks locks, and are generally quite peaceful. It seems a student has been trading bowtruckles for magical artifacts and also selling them between classes.

So far the only pet to actually be confiscated this year was a niffler that was found rooting around in one of the professors things. The owners of everything it had stolen were found, all money and belongings were returned, and the student (reportedly a Slytherin girl) lost her house 100 points. The niffler is reportedly now in the safekeeping of Hagrid until the end of the year. So many creatures! There have even been a few muggle pets this year, no doubt brought it by Muggle-born students. A ferret, some mice, a couple guinea pigs, a parrot, and last but not least a tiny little dog! This last is suspected to be kept under a silencing spell.

I'm shocked at the sheer number of unapproved pets living at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! I wonA rare and beautiful golden snidget is living in one of der if these sorts of things are happening at Beauxbatons, Hogwarts' towers, said to have been found as a baby, and Durmstrang, Koldovstoretz, Ilvermorny, Mahoutokoro, cared for by one of Hogwarts quidditch players. Snidgets or any of the other wizarding schools... Please feel free to are little birds that were used in quidditch before the inven- send us an owl with your stories of strange pet sightings! tion of the snitch. This one is not caged, but never returned 35

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id you know that many ingredients that we use in homemade potions can be grown in our very own backyards? We have put together a simple tutorial that transforms an old, rusty cauldron into an eye-catching garden feature which will save you a few galleons in the long run. We give it two green thumbs up!

STEP ONE

Fill up a medium to large cauldron with soil. For best results, use a high quality potting mix that contains organic material to keep the soil aerated. Potting soils are available at herbology specialist stores and Muggle plant nurseries. Make sure that the cauldron has a hole at the bottom to provide proper drainage.

STEP TWO

Place a mixture of plants into your cauldron for diversity as well as a splash of colour. Make sure to do your research beforehand to evaluate the plants based on sun exposure and watering specifications before planting them together. One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore offers a comprehensive guide on potion ingredients. Plants that grow well in pots include asphodel, betony, daisy, foxglove, ladyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mantle, lavender, moondew, nightshade, silverweed and star grass.

STEP THREE

Fertilise! A slow release fertiliser is ideal for pot plants because it is designed to break down slowly over time. Adding fertiliser to the soil is important for plants to help them flourish quickly, so donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t skip this step.

STEP FOUR

Water your plants every so often, but be careful not to over water them as this will deprive your plants of oxygen. A simple self-watering spell can be beneficial if you are unsure how regularly your plants require water.

STEP FIVE

Sit back and enjoy! Not only have you re-purposed a neglected cauldron into a living piece of art, but your purse will thank you next time you brew up a potion. Not to mention, your friends will be dying to know how you made it!

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NEW FROM THE JOURNAL OF MAGICAL CREATURES

Twilight Butterfly By GOLLY! We, the wizards and witches of The Journal of Magical Creatures, a bestseller in the last 2 years, have decided to take a trip up to the arctics for more research on magical beasts. Here is one particularly interesting one we found. We discovered when using the revealing spell of highest intensity, Revelio maximum, colonies of Crepusculum papilionem (a rather beautiful insect) appeared.We decided to name them Twilight Butterflies, and apparently, they are native only in the North Pole. These butterflies are formed from the essences of drowned polar bears (oh yes, it's disturbing, my fellow friends.) A new generation of these butterflies are born whenever the northern lights appear over the corpses of the deceased bears. These butterflies eat once in their lifetime- eating the remains of the polar bear they derived from, therefore determining it's lifespan by the amount it initially eats. These butterflies have a florescent, transparent, blue-tinted body and have silvery wings, and the more it eats, the brighter it glows. As a result, those born from a freshly deceased bear glow brighter and live longer than one born from a bear who died 5 months ago. The butterflies conjoin in the air within the Northern Lights in order to make the lights glow brighter than

usual. The lifespan of a Twilight Butterfly is its luminescence, once it stops glowing, it merely disintegrates into silver dust. However, since the dust attracts bears because of its sheen and visual appeal, the butterfly will do its best to endure its final moments at night, where it will die over the ocean or a sinkhole. This allows bears to follow this trail of hope, thinking it would be more prey to allow them to sustain another winter, instead, they are met with nothing but false promises, and ultimately, death, and therefore, a new generation of butterflies, only to have this cycle to continue on for eternity. Our group was fortunate enough to witness the birth of hundreds of these twilight butterflies. It was quite beautiful, until the harsh reality hit us...we were surrounded by hundreds of dead polar bears. We decided to leave that night, because apparently there was a corpse of a muggle there as well.

Keep in touch with us for the latest in new magical creature research!

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ASK MADAM

Do YOU have burning questions for our resident Seer and fairy, Madam Starflash? Got yourself in a relationship with a Vampire and don’t know if it’s going to work out? Debating on using a love potion on your biggest crush? Have a bully you’d love to get rid off? Don’t hesitate to ask! Madam Starflash ALWAYS has the right answer for you! Contact her in Divination Tower at /r/TheQuibbler now with your desperate questions!

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k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm Dear Madam Starflash:

Dear Madam Starflash,

How possible is it for me to sneak a love potion into my charms class and set up my best friend and her crush together? They would be soooooo cute, and both of them are too shy to admit that they love each other. Help!

I am currently pregnant and have concerns about how to handle pushy questions once the baby is born about signs of magical talent. My husband has an aunt who is unfortunately lacking in that area, and ever since then his other relatives relentlessly question any new parents. How do I respond and tell them that I love the little one no matter what, and that it is none of their business?

Sincerely, Wannabe Cupid --Dearest Cupid, Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. Do not attempt. Love potions are illegal. May Fortune smile upon you!

Many thanks, Mommy 2-B --Dearest Mommy, Your child will be a wonderful magical prodigy. You need not fear. I would not suggest telling them anything, as you already know it is none of their business. Try hexing their tea next time they come over. Just a pinch of salamander juice to give them terrible diarrhea, and they won’t be concerned with your child rearing ever again. May Fortune smile upon you!

Dear Madam Starflash: My beloved Cecil is missing! I have filed a report with the Ministry. I have hired a private investigator. I’ve even reached out to the the Muggle law enforcement for help. I am terribly worried! Can you shed any insight on the whereabouts of my poor, poor Cecil? Yours truly, Worried and Wondering --Dearest Wondering, Cecil is not missing. He has run away from you with the barmaid. Terribly sorry to be the bearer of bad news. (Who am I kidding? I love to be the bearer of bad news!) Try Wand-er, it’s a new dating app for the magical community. May Fortune smile upon you!

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h d j e i e u e h e h e h e h e l e l e o e k d n j e i l p j e j e j e j e j e j k l m e j e e u e h h d n d Dear Madam Starflash,

Dearest Moth,

Recently I have take it upon myself to begin to run a small business inside by place of work that may or may not break some of the rules of said business (it may or may not be a booze run between certain offices). My question therefore is, do you have any ideas how I can keep this idea hidden from my boss, or if something like this were being run under your nose, which of course it isn't, what would you look for as a tell tale sign of such a thing, what would really fool you into not knowing anything was going on?

I do not know if you remember. It is I, Spider. I know I haven't written to you in many months. I have been in hiding and moving every couple of weeks for the past 10 months. In all that time, I could not find a suitable chicken to carry my messages to you. All the chickens I have encountered so far were Imperiused, no doubt about it.

Thanks! Ryan814... I mean... Anonymous Slytherin --Dearest “Anonymous”, Nice try. I am all-knowing, all-Seeing, and you’re in deep trouble when I get to the Magical Plants and Creatures office. May Fortune smile upon you! (Because you’re going to need it…)

That's why I will send you this letter by ostrich. I have left Europe and am currently in hiding somewhere I will never be found by anyone ever. Yes, you read that right! I have found the ultimate hiding spot and not a soul will ever come across me here. I will never see another person again... Which brings me to my question. I am terribly lonely and once I send away my ostrich to you I will have nobody to talk to or play chess with. How can I lure someone to find me so I won't be so alone? Yours truly, Spider --Dearest Spider, I have received your ostrich, and I have little doubt that you have encountered Imperiused chickens. You don’t want to lure anyone to you. That would be considered “kidnapping”, which is frowned upon in civilized societies. I have the solution for you which will allow you to remain in hiding and also give you much company. Come live at Quibbler Castle. We have the utmost enchantments upon our walls and I can get you here without you being seen by anyone. You’ll fit right in with our wonderfully...colorful...staff. You could even have a job; we’ve been in need of a new janitor ever since a little mishap with a boggart in the toilet. I can’t tell you what you’ll be paid in or I’ll be sued, but you’ll live quite comfortably. May Fortune smile upon you!

h j h f v q

w d e s h n

j j r r f e

r e e u y h

i e j d d d t

u e h e e j e h e g h w k h s k y u i

o h j s s r

e e y l i

h e h e l e l e o e k d n j e j k l m e j e e u e h h d r b c n a h s g e y s n d d o f n e h a i s h i d e f u s h e u s i d n t l i p l k j h g f d s a z x

i l p n d l f w e s h c v 42

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A Centaurâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ode to the Stars In a woodland forest seemingly stuck in time of old I gaze at the heavens in awe and wonder The twinkling lights above sparkle and shimmer They smile at me I connect their dots to form stories of ancient times They dance across the sky and welcome my interpretation I see the past, present, and future in their gleam They smile at me We study their glow and mark their place in the sky Each has a home and a place in the galaxy As do we They smile at me

QUIBBLER INSERT u/NotaFishYouCanCatch presents:

divination for

Morons

using the alphabet oracle to divine your future

hhh, divination class. Do you remember the sickly sweet smell of incense wafting through the classroom, looking deeply into your crystal ball and trying to tell if you were actually seeing your friend’s death or if the smoke had made your eyes water again? I do. For those of us not gifted with the shadowy reflection of our own tears, divination may have been a difficult subject. It wasn’t for me, but I’ve noticed others struggling with the intricacies of the types of divination taught at Hogwarts. For instance, while gazing deeply with my inner eye, I discovered that I was going to be happily married to that beautiful boy in Slytherin that had been steadfastly avoiding my gaze for five years. I started waiting for him after class to hasten the future along, sure that with a little forwardness on my part he was going to praise my beauty and intelligence and try to snap me up the first chance he got. It’s a long story, but when he refused to be hastened, I had to escalate, and after he found me hiding under the sheets in his bed, he made up some hogwash about ‘being gay’ and ‘reporting me to the headmaster’ and ‘why are you so bloody creepy?’ The poor thing. If he had been better at divination, he wouldn’t be wasting his time holed up with his lover of 7 years, since we’re obviously going to be together in the end anyway. But I digress. Some people need more concrete, less esoteric ways of divining the future, so here I am to give the less psychically aware a glimpse into their futures. So, onward ho with the Alphabet Oracle! This form of divination originated with the Ancient Greeks. Muggles know of it as well, as there have been many tablets describing the oracle found in Greece, Cyprus, Turkey and other places where Greek witches and wizard congregated in earlier times. Of course, the Ancient Greek muggles assumed that all divination was given from the gods, so you’ve got a few ‘Apollos’ and ‘Zeuses’ scattered in the oracle revelations. Which, seeing that you’re a talentless hack, you’ll need all the help you can get, so don’t be too quick to dismiss divine power. This form of divination requires a few things. First, you must know the uppercase letters of the Greek alphabet. There are 24, and each will be assigned with a numerical value. Many of the letters are the same as in the English alphabet so it shouldn’t be too much for your poor, unseeing minds. Each letter will have a specific meaning, which I will tell you below. The next thing is, you’ll need a set of knuckle bones. 5 of them, to be precise. Cows, goats, sheep, human – whatever you have on hand.

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“But I don’t have any on hand!” I can hear you whining. “Where do I get them?” This is why I don’t teach. Students don’t learn any self-reliance these days. But to answer your idiotic question, have the house elves save them after your equinox soiree, or buy them at the Apothecary in Diagon Alley. For human knuckle bones, you can get them at any second hand shop on Knockturn Alley. However, I would highly recommend ordering via Owl from Greece itself. This divination method is Greek in origin, after all, and animals from Greece will carry the magic of the land with them. If you’re still too squeamish about it all, you can make a small rectangle out of some wood which will be a poor facsimile but will do the trick in a pinch. Honestly, I’m beginning to see why you were utter rubbish at divination. So, anyway, these knuckle bones are called ‘astragaloi’. Due to their shape, there are only four sides they can land on. The values of the four sides are 1, 3, 4 and 6. Engrave a number on each side of your knucklebone (or on your sad, pathetic block of wood). If you really want to get into it, use the Greek numbers (represented by letters): A - Alpha = 1 Γ - Gamma = 3 Δ - Delta = 4 Σ - Sigma = 6 Then you’re set to start telling your future! Now you roll your five knucklebones and “But wait!” You cry. “I only have one knuckle bone that I managed to steal from my uncle’s left hand while he was asleep, and I have to give it back before he wakes up and notices it’s gone!” First of all, never use the knuckle bones from family members. Family is full of meddlesome, irritating individuals who all think they know what you should do and where you should go and noIdon’twanttobeanAurormum! Their interfering tendencies will wreck havoc with the magic of divination, and you’ll find your reading gives you the same advice that your alcoholic uncle has bellowed at you in his more agreeable moments. However, what is done is done, and you can simply roll the same knuckle bone five times instead. Now, when we roll dice in Britain, you look at the number that comes out on top. Not so with this form of divination. Instead, you look at the underside. After all, the future is hidden, and we must uncover it, leaving no stone (or knuckle bone) unturned! When you have your five numbers, you add them together. Then, using the chart on the next page, you will know what the future holds! 45

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knucklebone oracle chart Number

Letter

Oracle

A (Alpha)

B (Beta)

Γ (Gamma)

Δ (Delta)

Desist from dreadful deeds, so that you avoid harm

E (Epsilon)

You desire to see the offspring of righteous marriages

Z (Zeta)

Flee the very great storm, lest you be disabled in some way

H (Eta)

Bright Helios, who watches everything, watches you

Θ (Theta)

You have the gods as assistants and defenders

I (Iota)

There is sweat, but you will surpass everything

K (Kappa)

Λ (Lambda)

M (Mu)

You press on in vain; don’t hurry, it’s not useful

N (Nu)

Now the fitting opportunity for everything arises

Ξ (Xi)

The seasonable fruit of Deo the golden awaits you

O (Omicron)

There are no crops to be reaped that were not sown

Π (Pi)

Completing many contests, you will seize the crown

P (Rho)

Rest a while, you will go more easily

Σ (Sigma)

Apollon speaks plainly, ‘Stay, friend’

T (Tau)

Y (Upsilon)

Φ (Phi)

Plant! For Deo will nourish everything beautifully

X (Khi)

‘Rejoicing, press on!’ Zeus himself says this

Ψ (Psi)

You have this righteous judgment from the gods

Ω (Omega)

The god (Apollon) says you will do everything successfully Wait a little; it’s not opportune for you The earth (Gaia) will give you the ripe fruit of your labours

To fight with the waves is difficult; endure, friend Make an end of grief; hereafter expect joy

You will have release from the present circumstances This wedding is not yours; do not labour in vain

If you take unripe fruit, it won’t be useful.

Now that you know your future, my work here is done. However, if a certain beautiful Slytherin boy happens to be reading this, you don’t need divination to know that I will be at The Leaky Cauldron from opening to closing, every day and night until you come to your senses. Really. Just… pop in whenever you want. I’m waiting. Ω

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THE UNENCHANTED LIFE OF MOIRA MAGE as told by Jessi Hall

- and my 9 year old brother Clive levitated his first teacup – that my parents began to show some concern. My 11th birthday came and went. No letter. My parents were in the throes of denial and kept telling themselves (and the rest of our family and friends), that my magic would come soon enough and I’d likely start following term. It took Clive starting school two years later for them to finally take me to St. Mungos for assessment. I was born Moira Mage. I assure you that is the only thing even remotely magical about me. I was born on March 7th 1932 into a working class wizarding family. I was the third of four children, and the only daughter. My Father worked as a cauldron maker. He was one of the best at his trade. My Mother brought in a little extra income by growing and selling magical plants. We grew up in a cozy three-bedroom cottage in a wizarding settlement just outside of Liverpool, England. At first, I didn’t know I was different. Both my older brothers were delayed in showing their magic. Lawrence was just barely ten. Edgar cut things very close and waited until he was two months away from his 11th birthday to show any kind of magical talent. Both of them received their Hogwarts acceptance letters on their 11th birthdays, and went on to be perfectly average wizards. It wasn’t until days before my own 11th birthday

They were grasping for straws at that point, and went in thinking I may be an Obscurial. However, it didn’t take long to diagnose me as a Squib through and through. My parents did their best to hide their disappointment from me. My brothers couldn’t quite conceal their pity. It was standard practice back then to either send the squib child away, or move to a new place and ‘conceal the evidence’ (AKA the child lives hidden away from the public eye). My parents chose to do neither. I’ll never decide if I am relieved or sad about this. Either way I felt like a complete leper. During my formative years I contemplated turning my back on the Wizarding community in favour of integrating with the Muggles. At the very least we’d have our lack of magic in common. While my parents wanted what was best for me – whatever that may be – they actively campaigned against this decision. At the time I was furious that they were guilt tripping me into staying. Looking back however, I’m glad they did.

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When I turned 15 my Great-Uncle begrudgingly gave me a job washing dishes at his pub. He complained at first about how he would have saved money by using a house elf or two instead, but I grew on him. Eventually he even taught me how to bartend. I apprenticed under him, and when I was 18 took over the daily operations as his arthritis had gotten quite bad. It was also at this pub that I met my future husband. Mercutio was a squib just like me. He was born and raised in London, but his parents had sent him away when he came of age. They could no longer bear the shame. Their loss was my gain. He came into the pub looking for work, and we hit it off immediately. We were married on the one-year anniversary of the day we met. Just over a year later we had our first – and only – child. Our beautiful Alice. We wanted more children, but the pregnancy was so hard on me we were advised not to have any more. We did have our worries she’d turn out to be a squib just like us. Miraculously, she proved herself to be a wonderful witch. She showed her magic at the tender age of five. Seeing her off to Hogwarts was one of the proudest days of my life! Our hearts were filled with joy knowing our little girl would get to truly be a part of the magical community. She’d be able to do things and live in such a way that we could barely even dream of! She was going to have the life that every parent wants for their child – a better one than our own.

However, those days of joy were shorter lived. As she progressed through her schooling she somewhat distanced herself from us. We’ve never once blamed her for it. We knew she still loved us. It was a different time back then. The stigma attached to even being related to a squib could damage your prospects in both professional and personal capacities. We wanted what was best for her. Even if it meant taking a step back from her everyday life. When she graduated school she became an Auror. Another proud day for us! It was there she would meet her husband. He was a good Auror, and a great man. He never once made her choose between us and him. But for the sake of her career, and later to protect her son from lingering stigma, mutually agreed that we’d still kept our relationship at arms length. That was a decision we never took lightly. It weighs heavy on us now. Who knows how different things would have been if we could turn back time and perhaps make a few different choices. Things are different now. With all the positive acceptance of Muggle borns and even marriage between magic and non-magic folk, being a squib no longer makes one a pariah or pariah by association. We visit Alice and her husband often, and have a good relationship with our grandson. He has done quite well for himself actually. He grew up to be a professor at Hogwarts. His name is Neville Longbottom. Perhaps you’ve heard of him?

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WELCOME TO K9'S PARTY KORNER! Every Quibbler Edition I'll be providing you wonderful readers with some fun Harry Potter themed activities to bring the extra level of Magic to your HP Parties! This edition’s party korner is all about your beloved pups!

THE SORTING CUPS Requirements: At least one plastic cup per pup attending your party, plus 4 different types of treats. Recommended treats include Cheese, Carrots, Peanut butter, and Chicken. You may also want a large tarp. If you have one, lay out a large tarp for easier clean-up and to limit the mess. Line out the cups, so the openings are face down, creating a dome to hide treats under. Make sure they are spaced so you can reach each cup easily. Fill a random but equal selection of cups in 4 different treat types, and put a sign up pairing each treat with a Hogwarts House (you may also use the Ilvermorny houses as an alternative). For example: Carrots = Gryffindor, Cheese = Hufflepuff, Peanut Butter = Ravenclaw, Chicken = Slytherin. As the dogs arrive, let them pick a single cup to knock over and consume the treat of, this assigns them a House for the remainder of the party! Owners may want to keep a tight hand on their dog’s collar as they make their selection to avoid over-zealous dogs attempting to resort.

MARK OF THE BARK LORD Requirements: Animal safe ink-pad. Optional: ink in 4 different house colors. After the puppies have been sorted, have a station set up for owners to make a stamp-print of their own puppy’s paw print on the owner’s inner arm. Owners may opt to select a different location for the print. If available, have owners use ink colors to match the house their pets were sorted into. You may also have different markers or inks available to further decorate the Bark-Mark.

BARTYS BONE BONANZA Requirement: Bare dirt, a box of milk-bones or similar bone-like dog treat. Channel your inner Barty Crouch Jr for this activity. If you don’t have access to actual dirt that you can freshly dig-up, you may opt to set up a kiddie-pool with sand or dirt. Once the location is prepared, bury multiple bones. Then, let your canine guests attempt to find their own Barty Crouch Sr bone! You can either bury all the bones from the beginning or restock the ground between each dog, or restock between groups of dogs. Adjust to your guests desired fun levels. Additional items can be buried for more fun, turning the game into a niffler-contest.

QUIBBLER ENTERTAINMENT

I'm All Alone /u/silvestress

I’m all alone that’s fine with me, I think that I will just study, Spend my time in the library, And practice some herbology. I’m all alone and I don’t mind, I’ll see what new spells I can find, And after doing something kind, I’ll take some time to unwind. I’m all alone and that’s okay, I’ll still have a fantastic day, Whether I am straight or gay, I will be alone anyway! I’m all alone and that’s just fine, I’ve still got lots of time, To find someone who will be mine, Until then this is still divine. I’m all alone I’m ok with that, Until one day I found a cat, It stared at me while it sat, Upon my front door welcome mat. I’m not alone I let it in, It was looking very thin, To leave it out would be a sin, And now I have a great big grin. I’m not alone and this is great, Why would I even need a date, I can’t say how much it ate, But it’s full of love not hate. I’m not alone I have a friend, To stay with me until the end, My plans I must now amend, And I will have a great weekend. I’m not alone but if you are, You don’t have to go to far, To know if you are happier, By getting a familiar.

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“My Cut”

Rysler 's Silly Songs

a rewrite of “My Shot” from Hamilton Written by Rysler of Hufflepuff [Rysler:] I am not giving away my cut I am not giving away my cut Hey yo I’m just like this rankdown I’m new, messy and no-frown And I’m not giving away my cut! Time to round up the top two hundred The best points being hunted, in case you wondered We’re the raiders of the arc and we’re here to plunder So please, take a gander yonder As we start to ponder, bring the thunder I’m a scruffy Hufflepuff, I’m here to get rough I’m not try’na bluff, when it gets tough, I do well enough New to the scene, but I’m still not green Been debating since I was fourteen, and I mean On every forum, ‘gainst people trolling Every day I’m strolling, in no need of controlling You won’t hear me growling We’re rolling and polling this bunch into a list There’s gonna be some twists I hope that you get the gist We are the [All Rankers:] Goblin, Bavel, oomps, Wisher A.R., Edi, Paige, Rysler [Rysler:] Some revisers that act as divisors Meanwhile the old champs are our advisors They are wiser, sometimes even nicer They’re gonna whip us into shape as analyzers Though that Moose guy seems like a deviser He keeps testing us to see if we are decisive This I see! [Other Rankers:] It’s time for our devices! [Rysler:] In the cuts we make we have to be incisive Yet there’s no room for being all derisive It’s decided, we won’t stand divided! And I am not giving away my cut I am not giving away my cut Hey yo, I’m just like this rankdown I’m new, messy and no-frown And I’m not giving away my cut

I am not giving away my cut I am not giving away my cut Hey yo, I’m just like this rankdown I’m new, messy and no-frown And I’m not giving away my cut It’s time to make a cut! [Edihau] First go the characters without relevance Those who lack in the most basic elements Elements? Well you see, they could be, elegance When I rank, I won’t give them any emphasis In my cut! [Ranker B] I wanna make a new motion Of cutting all those who lack in emotion The heart of a character is their fire Their burning desire, what they admire and aspire! I’m gonna make a cut! [Ranker C] But we never can truly win Until those in Rankdown make an oath not to cut Lupin Don’t you pout, hear me out, I’ma write me a thesis ‘bout Remus and why he’s ingenious He must not be cut! [Moostronus:] Hey Rankers, give ev’ryone chances Have an open mind and you may find new stances You’ve good points, but the process has to be fair Write each of your cut with great care Everywhere, or you’ll be cut! [Rysler:] Moose, we will not strut We’re objective, ever ready for a rebut Now let me tell you what Fellas, we gotta have guts Let’s pull the moves smoother than the dude in Mr. Robot! Don’t worry mate, we’re great, there’ll be no ifs ands or buts Dropping some thousand-word analyses, does that seem nuts? A bunch of this committed and quick-witted valid panelists? Open up the channel, show the sub our avid analysts! Oh, am I bragging too soon?

Sometimes I get carried away, jump over the moon I’ve never written anything like this I’m proud to be in this great club [Other Rankers:] It’s time to let the folks in our sub! 53

QUIBBLER ENTERTAINMENT [All:] I am not giving away my cut I am not giving away my cut Hey yo, I’m just like this Rankdown I’m new, messy and no-frown And I’m not giving away my cut I am not giving away my cut I am not giving away my cut Hey yo, I’m just like this rankdown I’m new, messy and no-frown And I’m not giving away my cut Ev’rybody sing Whoa, whoa, whoa Hey Whoa! Wooh!! Whoa! Ay, let ‘em hear ya! Let’s go I said shout it to the rooftops! Said, to the rooftops! Come on! Come on, let’s go! [Edihau & co:] Rank down! If you feel like debating, you rank down You enjoy rating, you oughta rank down You love creating, you oughta rank down When are we gonna see this rank down? When are we gonna see this rank down? When are we gonna see this rank down? When are we gonna see this rank down? Rank down! [Rysler:] I read Harry Potter so much it seems like no fantasy If it feels real to me Who can say, what is true reality? If there’s real emotion, who could deny what it means to me? Ain’t no shame in living in the Potter’s wheel See, I read it still though I’m past twenty Series like that aren’t too many Ask any fan if you can and man, you know they understand This series always gives, never empty Let’s go

This is not a debate, it’s a project We won’t let any pro subjects To go unchecked Lists are waiting, we’ll get them organized Contemplating, on how to summarize Prize? What do we get from this discussion? Are we suf’ring a collective concussion? Or is this just an excuse for a combustion Crushing the customs, ignoring repercussions? I know the comments in the thread are exciting By Merlin, between all the reading and writing It’s been feeding, inciting We need to manage this sub with moderation Is there a gate to the sub? Is it subjugation? I’m done causing confusion, I’m amusingly Using every single musing And losing the ones that I’m choosing I’m rising to the challenge and I won’t back down Cos for now I’m a part of this rankdown And I am not giving away my cut I am not giving away my cut Hey yo, I’m just like my rankdown I’m new, messy and no-frown And I’m not giving away my cut We’re gonna rank down! Time to make a cut! We’re gonna rank down! Time to make a cut! We’re gonna Time to make a cut! Time to make a cut! Time to make a cut! Make a cut! Cut! Cut! A-yo it’s Time to make a cut! Time to make a cut! And I am Not giving away my cut Not giving away my cut And I am Not givin’ away myNot givin’ away my cut!

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Angelina Johnson We talk friends, family, and flying with another Ex-Gryffindor captain

QUIBBLER SPORTS

his issue’s sports interview might end up slipping more into a general lifestyle chat as we catch up with the ever amazing Angelina Johnson! Once the star of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and even captaining them to retaining the Quidditch Cup for a second year (despite the interference of the Ministry of Magic and Dolores Umbridge). We caught up with her to chat about the challenges of balancing motherhood and sport, encouraging her children to play and the inference of the Ministry in the sports world. The Quibbler – Well I feel like I start all these interviews in the same way but it really has been too long! I’m not even sure when the last time I saw you was, that’s how long it has been. Angelina Johnson – I’m afraid that I’m going to have to agree with you on that one! Was it Freddie’s 17th birthday?

TQ – Not even Wood? AJ – Ha! Wood knew that better than any of us. Sure he had his dreams of grandeur (which he did achieve by the way) but he always had a backup plan. That boy is a lot smarter than a lot of people give him credit for; I thought he came across very well in your previous interview!

NO ONE WENT INTO IT

WITH THE EXPECTATION

THAT THIS WAS ALL THEY WERE GOING TO DO FOR

TQ – Ahhh it must have been because he’s just got that new broom and was trying to convince him that I could get him in touch with some people who would definitely like to have a chat with him about his future prospects… much to your dismay I remember!

TQ – Of course he did! Wood has always been a charismatic guy when he’s in front of a quill.

THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.

AJ – Don’t try and bait me! You know exactly what I’ll say! TQ - But our wonderful readers don’t! So this seems a fairly apt place to start now that we’ve mentioned it; what is your position on the business that Quidditch has become in the modern world? AJ – Things were different when we were just playing Quidditch at Hogwarts and whilst you were a few years younger than me, sentiments about the sport never changed: everyone who chose to play in the Inter House Cup was playing because they loved the sport. No one went into it with the expectation that this was all they were going to do for the rest of their lives. 58

AJ – But he’s an exception. The majority of us who had played at Hogwarts were still expected to find “proper jobs” and contribute to society. A few players did get offered various opportunities in the sports world, whether that is testing the newest racing brooms or actually playing for the Ballycastle Bats! Most of us are hung out to dry by the system. TQ – So that’s why you stepped away from the scene? Because you don’t agree with the way that the system is being run? AJ – Don’t get me wrong, Quidditch will always be a part of my life; I’ve been playing it for as long as I’ve been holding a broom handle! But at the same time I don’t want it to be the only thing that I’m known for in life. I’ve got two wonderful children and an amazing husband so they take priority in my life nowadays. I’ll still play for the village

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team and I’m happy to have a casual match after we’ve had a few drinks at a party or special occasion but my professional playing days are a chapter of my life that I never even finished writing. TQ – You mentioned your children and George there; do they share your same mentality about sport? Or do they have other opinions? AJ – George is George, he’s never been afraid of telling people what he thinks and in this case he agrees with most, but not all, of what I’m saying. You know George yourself, he loves the attention and any chance to try and flog you some merchandise so I’m sure he’d be more than happy to sit down with you and talk about Quidditch and drink with you until neither of you can walk haha!

likes her sport but at the same time she’s an academic. She is a very smart girl and I don’t want her to feel pressured that she has to play Quidditch because the rest of us did and do; she’s allowed to play it casually if that’s all that she wants to do. TQ – You mentioned pressure there; do you think that is the biggest killer (so to speak) of the young British talent that’s trying to come through the system? The pressure to do well and perform? AJ – It’s not that the mentality has changed, it’s just that people are more willing to talk about it. We all saw Wood come out and say how he really felt during your last interview and the same with Ginny and Krum too. We should be encouraging players, especially if they’re our children, not trying to project ourselves onto them so that we can have one last go at reliving the glory days.

QUIDDITCH WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF MY LIFE, BUT I DON’T WANT IT TO BE THE ONLY

THING THAT I’M KNOWN FOR

TQ – That doesn’t sound half bad now that you’ve mentioned it; someone back at the office make note of that for when we have a slow news day! AJ – And to answer the rest of your question, the kids have got their own opinions I’m sure; I’m not one to tell them what they should be thinking. You’ve seen how much that broom meant to Freddie; he really does just feel at home in the air. Sure, some part of me would have liked to see him follow in my footsteps and play chaser but if he wants to be a beater like his uncle and dad were then he can do that. TQ – And from what I’ve seen of him, a very good one. AJ – Oh yes, definitely. Maybe even better than the twins put together when they were in their prime! As for Roxi, well she’s still trying to figure out her place in the world. She

TQ – Exactly right! That seems a very good sentiment to wrap up on. Thank you very much for having a chat with me and maybe we’ll have to finally get round to organising that pub league that we keep talking about. AJ – Knowing you and your jet setting lifestyle that will probably never happen haha! Unless we can manage to wrangle ourselves another exclusive guest, following this issue the Quibbler sports interviews will be going on a short hiatus. But do not fret loyal Quidditch fans, for next issue I’ll be back with all the action and gossip in our mid-season summer summary of the British and Irish Quidditch League. Until then folks!

QUIBBLER SPORTS

Stunt Flying Try-outs and Information So you’re good at flying, but have no hand eye coordinationARGHH! *ducks from a stray bludger* You can’t throw a quaffle and your eyesight is awful. You just can’t fight your way onto the quidditch team, no matter how good you are at flying. If this sounds like you, there is now an alternative! With the unwitting permission of Madame Hooch, who has also “volunteered” to supervise we have decided to introduce stunt flying to Hogwarts! This will test your speed, agility and ability to think quickly as you navigate your way through obstacles around the castle and grounds. Due to the unpredictable (and possibly definitely dangerous) stunts that will be encouraged at this group we can only accept competitors from 3rd year and above. Tryouts open on the last Saturday of next month, with the competitions starting the week after that. Note: These will not interfere with Quidditch games should you still wish to attend. For those unaware of what Stunt Flying is we looked into the background of this exhilarating sport. Stunt flying is underground sport that takes place overground, it has slowly

built up quite a reputation for attracting some of the best flyers around the world. The stunts and tricks that these professionals perform put most quidditch players to shame and allows maneuvers that have been banned from quidditch due to extraneous risk, to be shown off, these include the Prickly Prongs and Helios Hitch. Evans Hackshaw, Head Editor of the underground sport magazine Crasher was more than happy to talk to us here at The Quibbler to tell us his thoughts on the rising sport, “Stunt Flying has been needed for years, Quidditch is huge (and rightly so), but it requires teams, for a good pickup game at least 4 people are needed, but stunt flying can be done alone- beat your personal best or practise outrageous moves! Otherwise, it can be done in a group with races and time trials! You can make it harder or easier depending on your skills and all you need is a broom and some space!” It’s an exhilarating, heart pounding show of technical skill on a broom and if you can bear to watch, you won’t want to miss anything. Personally, I’m going to keep my feet on the ground and my butt in the stands, but if this sounds like the game for you, get out there and get practising!

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ODE TO A

BEATER VeganGamerr While soaring through the air, A bludger can be quite the scare. Unless, of course, you fly with a bat, A beater thinking, "I wanna hit that." Directing these missiles to the opponent, For our team, you are a vital component. Never one for a strategy of defense, It is so fun to be a strong offense. How else can you be be certain, Before the game's final curtain. That the seeker of snitches, Ends the game in stitches.

QUIBBLER EDUCATION

after the

curse BY: kmcaleer1

art by: pastelpurrfect

Professor Ajax Firmin tells us how it feels to have been the first Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to hold his position for two decades. Before he took the post in the autumn after the Battle of Hogwarts in 1998, professors had only lasted one year at a time since 1945. Anyone who attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry between the years of 1945 and 1998 would have heard of the alleged curse on the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. The jinx is said to have been cast by a young Tom Riddle (later more famously known as Lord Voldemort) after he asked to take the position immediately following his graduation in 1956. Headmaster at the time, Armando Dippet, declined. He believed Tom to be too young at eighteen years old. The scorned Riddle then jinxed the position so that anyone in the post would not last more than one school year. After Voldemortâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s defeat at the battle of Hogwarts in May of 1998, the curse was lifted. That autumn, Professor Ajax Firmin took the reigns, and still holds the post twenty years later. I spoke with him to ask more about his experiences since attaining the title of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Kayla McAleer: Thank you for meeting with me, Professor! Would you mind sharing a little bit about what initially drew you to the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts (DADA) teacher? Did you have any reservations since the post had never kept any teacher longer than one year? Ajax Firmin: I had heard rumors that there was some sort of curse on the position, but I thought none of it. I felt that the defeat of Voldemort would inspire students to want to learn more about how to combat the dark magic in our world. And I think it did! I wanted to help mold the next generation to be as bold as the students who battled so bravely that day. M: That is very admirable, Professor! It has been almost twenty years since the Battle of Hogwarts. Has your curriculum changed in any way after such a long period of overall peace? F: Well, my whole class is not solely focused on combat with dark arts. I will say, that 62

portion of the class changes with passing time. There are always new things to fear. In my class, we learn as much as we can about species that are different from us that we have traditionally feared. Werewolves, vampires, giants, and dragons, to name a few. My hope is that knowledge of our past enemies will empower us. M: You said that emboldening students like those who fought was why you took the position. What other aspects do you enjoy? F: Oh, so many! My students are very keen. I love seeing their faces when something clicks. I also am very interested in the subjects themselves. I mean, why else would I teach it for two decades! Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always thought other species to be allies rather than enemies. M: Very illuminating, Professor. Thank you again for your time, both here today and at Hogwarts!

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NOTEABLE Timeline of D.A.D.A. 1956: Tom Riddle asks then headmaster Armando Dippet for the D.A.D.A. position, but is rejected. 1991-1992: Quirinus Quirrel, a double agent for Voldemort, dies at year's end while trying to murder Harry Potter. 1993-1994: After his werewolf status is revealed, Remus Lupin does not return to teach for a second year. 1995-1996: Dolores Umbridge was installed by the Ministry under Cornelius Fudge during its denial of Voldemort's return.

1997-1998: Under Voldemort's control of British magical society, Amycus Carrow teaches Dark Arts rather than Defense.

1895-1945: Galatea Merrythought teaches for 50 years before retiring. 1971: Tom Riddle asks headmaster Albus Dumbledore for the D.A.D.A. position again, but is rejected again. The jinx on the position starts. 1992-1993: Gilderoy Lockhart not only loses his memory, but is also exposed as a fraud. 1994-1995: Although Alastor Moody originally accepted the position, Barty Crouch Jr. poses as him for a year before his capture and imprisonment. 1996-1997: Severus Snape is granted the position in a bid by Albus Dumbledore to trick Voldemort. 1998: After the Battle of Hogwarts, Ajax Firmin takes on the position. 63

The Muggle-born’s Guide to

Magical Clocks, Watches, and OtherTimekeeping Devices BY: bilingual_jellyfish

The fascinating and complicated subject of time has always interested us wizards. As such, there have been made many different kinds of clocks, watches and other timekeeping devices. However, Muggles seem to prefer simpler devices to tell the time, such as their shelf one or a regular wristwatch... Unfortunately, this results in the confusion of Muggle-born witches and wizards when confronted with more magical devices. Behold now: an informative overview, obliviating any confusion!

Grandfather clocks

Timeless and decorative, the grandfather clock is also to be found in the Muggle world and is typically not confusing to Muggle-born wizards. However, wizards like to keep things interesting! One of Harry Potter’s favorite anecdotes about Grimmauld Place number 12 is the old grandfather clock, bewitched in order to shoot metal bolts to anyone who passed by! Amusing, isn’t it? Of course, please be sure not to get injured and be careful in wizards’ homes.

Wall clocks

Oh, the good old wall clock! Really, there are an infinite amount of different clocks with all kinds of purposes, not just telling you the hour of the day. Clocks are also popularly used to inform or remind the owner of something in a clear and visual way. The task you should be doing, the whereabouts of family members, ... Anything, really. If you’re unsure, asking the owner about the use of the clock is your best course of action.

Pocket watches

The pocket watch is a very popular time-telling device among older wizards and witches. The tradition of gifting a pocket watch to one’s son or daughter when they come of age has helped to keep it a fashionable item. Pocket watches are most often small and round, but their shapes, sizes, and materials differ just as much as the eccentric tastes of every wizard who owns one. Dedalus Diggle famously chose to customize his watch to yell ‘Hurry up!’ at him when he was late. Additionally, some wizards prefer more intricate clock surfaces, such as the duodecimal planetary watch, exclusively made by Cog and Bell Clockmakers, and said to have been owned by Albus Dumbledore. The duodecimal planetary watch has twelve hands, and instead of numbers, there are small moving planets displayed around the edge. The correct interpretation of the watch is normally explained when purchasing it at Cog and Bell.

Hourglasses

Have you heard of those small hourglasses that Muggles like to use when making tea? Just adorable! Yet apart from that and their decorative use, Muggles make use of hourglasses far less than wizards. Practically everyone knows of the four hourglasses at Hogwarts, filled with colored rubies to keep track of House points. Furthermore, former teacher Horace Slughorn owned an hourglass which could represent how fast the time seems to pass, according to how interesting a conversation is. Just like any other device, customisation possibilities are endless.

Alternative devices

Some older wizards may choose various other timekeeping devices, which they find more pleasing or logical. You may come across a candle clock, a sundial, a water clock or any other ancient method to keep the time; wizards really appreciate old-school things, in contrast to Muggles, who like to quickly replace everything with a newer version. Both preferences have their benefits, of course.

Hopefully, this article has taught a thing or two about the great wizarding world. And if you’re still confused, you’ll have to get used to it, because wizards like it this way!

BY: MrSnowflake2 As far as we know, spells are made out of three main parts: An incantation, a wand movement, and an intention. Mixed together, they create the desired effect. So, basically, if you want something, mutter the right words and wave your wand in a special way and if you did everything correctly, your wish is fulfilled. How these three parts work together seems to differ from spell to spell, but also from wizard to wizard. Some spells might even not have an overly specific wand movement, while others (e.g. the levitation charm) require you to follow a movement precisely. If you are not very well practiced with the summoning charm; you need to include the object you want to summon in your incantation, e.g. Accio Firebolt. As you get better you might only need to call out Accio Broom, shifting some of the work from the incantation to the intention. After gaining enough proficiency with a spell (or generally a better feel for magic) yelling Accio should do the trick, and later on even just thinking Accio will cause your Firebolt to zoom towards you. What does that tell us? It seems like magic is intention-driven, with the wand waving and incantation yelling helping us to spread the work between our lungs, hand, and brain, so the incantation and wand movement exist merely in assisting us if

we have troubles focussing enough on what we want, or not yet enough practice. This knowledge is important for two reasons: Firstly, it can help us become better wizards, and secondly, it could be the secret to creating spells.

we need to stop focussing on the individual spell, but more on our intention. That’s also how apparition works. You don’t actually cast a spell, you just need to focus on your intention to apparate! (And obviously on your destination)

Understanding the principle behind magic helps us find the difference between good and not so good wizards, and therefore helps us become better at magic. Mediocre wizards learn the spells and wand movements by heart and recall them whenever they need to cast a spell. Better wizards concentrate on their will and on channeling said will. The spell itself becomes only a tool. Why do you think most spells are based on Latin? The wizards back then just yelled their intention! That’s also why incantations are slightly different in each country (and you don’t need to learn them anew while travelling): They used to be Latin, but evolved with time. Research also suggests that Latin is a highly magical language, but the Ministry of Magic has dedicated their resources to different departments and this has never been actually proven. Have you heard of African wizards being able to do wandless magic? Well, our wands are quite literally tools to channel magic, so they have become so good at channeling their will they don’t even need that! In order to become better wizards

Earlier, I mentioned spell creation. Assuming spells are just tools to help us focus our magic all you need to theoretically do is focussing on it really hard. I’m not talking about wanting something badly, I’m talking about concentrating on your intention to do magic to reach a specific goal. To create the spell also focus on the words you’d like to become the spell, which should ideally convey the action in some way to make it easier. (That is, don’t try to create the spell Bananas for making your bed). But if it’s so easy, who don’t wizards create spells all the time? Well, don’t forget, creating a spell is simple, but not easy! It takes a lot of focus, concentration, and willpower. Firstly, one needs to get really good at nonverbal casting. Secondly, a lot of people don’t have a need to or already know a spell for everything they’d need to. Additionally, most wizards lack the proper understanding of magic and wouldn’t even know how to begin or even come up with the idea to do so! When you’re done creating a spell, don’t forget to register it with our beloved Ministry.

QUIBBLER INSERT

Tips from Gran's Kitchen Try cutting these cookies into any shape! Our family just likes the stars. You could also try subbing the almond extract with another flavor. I suggest lemon extract! Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s delicious.

CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES QUIBBLER

Almond Stars recipe by linnialovestoast's awesome grandma

Prep Time: 20-45 min Cook Time: 8-10 min

Ingredients: • 1 cup soft butter • 1¼ cup sugar • ¼ tsp almond extract

• 6 oz (1¼ cup) finely ground almonds with skins • Confectioner's sugar for dusting

• 1¾ cup sifted flour

Preparation: • Preheat oven to 325 degrees. • Cream the butter. Add sugar gradually and beat until light. • Add almond extract. • Stir in almonds, flour, and a pinch of salt. • Roll out dough a small amount at a time on a well floured board. Roll to 1/8 inch thickness. • Cut with a floured cookie cutter. • Bake for 8-10 minutes. • Dust with confectioner's sugar.

QUIBBLER FASHION

Magical Most

Manicures for Hogwarts Students

Rockin’ Ravenclaw nails by @popokidesigns

A simple Gryffindor design by @alexmitchell_makeup_n_ manicure

Super cool Slytherin by @mermaidnailartist

Quidditch team pride by @designedbycucu

The Boy Who Lived by @crazysassycoolpups

Platform 9 ¾ Love by @demisiriusly

Amazing 'Puff mani by @ohnoitsruthio

Mischief Managed by @casey_bergen

FASHION QUIBBLER EMMASDRAGON

How to Get theLook It’s the event we’ve all been waiting for. Atlantis Fashion Week. With summer just around the corner we here at the Quibbler know witches everywhere are dying to know what hot and what’s not. Worry not, ladies, read on to find out how you can easily (and cheaply) pull off the latest trends. This will not come as a surprise to all you fashionistas out there, but plain, black pointed hats are officially out! Instead everywhere we turned were elaborate, curved hats embellished with everything from bird feathers to shells to live fairies. You’re going to want to pick up a new hat soon as it’s likely to become a staple in your new Summer wardrobe. To get the look aim for warmer browns or honey colours. Tip: The taller the hat, the more you can stretch out your frame. Try adding a bit of height if you’re wanting to slim down your silhouette.

spend hours trying to pair those low, low trousers with an appropriate length top. Nothing says easy breezy like a beautiful empire-waist dress. To get the look, aim for dresses that come in above the natural waist. If you’re particularly crafty with Charms, you can simply elongate your favourite skirt. Aim for just above the knee for an all around flattering garment Tip: Pair you skirt with a matching top and shoes to pull of a gorgeous monochromatic look. Add a swipe of eyeshadow in your chosen colour and a neutral lipstick to vamp up the look for evening.

The next thing you want to get your hands on is lace. Lace is the new satin. There was lace everywhere. Every designer incorporated lace into their outfit in some way. Either go pick up an Alexandre Boulden inspired lace top (so chic!) or start adding it to your accessories. Tip: When trying to incorporate a distinct pattern in you outfit, be sure to balance the top and bottom. Try adding a simple choker and replacing the ties in your shoes with lace ribbon for a more casual dress-down look or add a cute pair of earrings and matching belt for a work appropriate look.

Faded Fad Alert: Colour Changing Stockings. I’m sure you’ve seen them, you might even own a pair or two. These bewitched stockings were all the rage last season, everyone from your Grandma to Celestina Warbeck were spotted in a pair of these. However, as quickly as they boomed onto the scene, they’ve disappeared. While certainly a statement piece, they seem to quickly overpower an outfit and make it too busy. They were fun while they lasted, but their luster has faded and they appear to be going in the way of Pumpkin Loafers and Wheezy Bracelets.

Changing up the silhouette - higher waist lines are all the rage. Say goodbye to your midriff! Gone are the mornings we

Tip: If you’re looking to add a bit of flair to your bottom half, consider a classy bejeweled skirt or a pop of colour on your shoes.

QUIBBLER INSERT

sprucing up your

garden this spring

Written by Professor Alderbury (u/AB6Daf)

CASTLES AND BURROWS QUIBBLER

he springing of spring is just upon us! Follow this handy advice to maintain a healthy, happy garden. A wizard’s or witch’s garden is an essential piece to the household, holding plenty of green magic simply waiting to be let free! Here’s how to make all of your visitors flush with envy upon sight of your green hideaway.

Gnomes! Oh, how obnoxious and frustrating these can be. Well, you’d be surprised to know that dealing with these has become as easy as 1, 2, 3! Did you know that with a Freezing Charm and a little bit of decor - those pesky gnomes can become as much as decorations, showing your little workers, puffing and panting, digging away at the veg patch. If the sight of newly decorated gnomes doesn’t implore you, fear not, Witchengalls has the solution for you! Their Easy-Apply Gnome Blocker comes ready to be surfaced underneath your soil and becomes an impenetrable surface for those witless Dungbombs to bump into in one easy charm! To place your order today, owl Witchengalls for a catalog. Flowers. Colors! Colors everywhere! One of the delights of spring is seeing new plants come to life, opening your garden to our fellow pollen-harvesting folk. We recommend applying Quik-Grow (available at any wizarding gardening supplies shop near you) to some of your favorite flowers to let them grow and flourish! We also recommend an All-Year Freshplant (available at any good wizarding gardening shop near you), for fresh crops of well rounded, colorful flowers every month! The brewery. Oh, how lovely a nice Butterbeer is on a chilled Friday evening out in the open. However, you can’t exactly keep a stock of Butterbeer warm in the cold! Well, really, you can.With a small pewter cauldron with a handy lid (available at any apothecary near you), or several tap-cauldrons (available at Weasley’s Wizarding Emporium, Diagon Alley) that, upon casting a simple Permanent Fire Charm in a

container below them, serve you hot, gorgeous Butterbeer straight from the Three Broomsticks! Or, Firewhisky, if you’re feeling adventurous. Approaching the warmer side of spring? We have just the thing for you! Tap-cauldrons come in handy again, especially the carbonation-keeping variant. Simply grab a box of ice, cast a Permanent Freezing Charm on a few ice-cubes, and be away with your refreshing, sweet drink! Sound! Sound is a great way to make your wizarding garden feel appealing and cozy. If you feel like your garden is just too quiet, try an Extendable Waterproof Outdoor Radio from WandSounds today! It projects an invisible audio wave to expand your favorite wizarding radio (or Muggle radio, If you’re that kind of type) right across the garden - even through to the house! Owl for more info. If you prefer the sounds of wildlife, try a Natural Sound Plant from Witchengalls! It attracts all sorts of wildlife to come and frolic around your garden joyously for your enjoyment! Owl for more info. With these tips your garden will be full of life, perfect for hosting parties, and, most importantly, making your friends jealous. Any questions? Feel free to owl!

-Professor Alderbury Quibbler Offices 73

HOGWARTS HORROR-SCOPES Madam Starflash Sees what (mis)fortunes will befall you this season!

CAPRICORN THE THESTRAL

TAURUS THE WEREWOLF

VIRGO THE UNICORN

(DEC. 22ND — JAN. 19TH)

(APRIL 20TH — MAY 20TH)

(AUGUST 23RD — SEPT. 22ND)

Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.

AQUARIUS THE KELPIE

GEMINI THE VEELA

LIBRA THE DRAGON

(JAN. 20TH — FEB. 18TH)

(MAY 21ST — JUNE 20TH)

(SEPT. 23RD — OCT. 22ND)

Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.

PISCES THE MERMAN

CANCER THE FIRECRAB

SCORPIO THE VAMPIRE

(FEB.19TH — MARCH 20TH)

(JUNE 21ST — JULY 22ND)

(OCT. 23RD — NOV. 21ST)

Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.

ARIES THE HIPPOGRIFF

LEO THE SPHINX

SAGITTARIUS THE CENTAUR

(MARCH 21ST — APRIL19TH)

(JULY 23RD — AUGUST 22ND)

(NOV. 22ND — DEC. 21ST)

Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.

K9'S KILLER CROSSWORDS!

ACROSS 2 6 7 8 11 12 13 14 15

What is Kingsley's Patronus? What is the incantation of the spell that glues victim's tongue to the roof of their mouth? Who was the gamekeeper when Molly and Arthur were students at Hogwarts? Who was it that damaged the vanishing cabinet? Cormac McLaggen went hunting WHAT with his uncle Tiberiusin Norfolk? Ludo Bagman played a splendid quidditch game against what Country before his Death Eater trial? What breed is Hagrid's dog, Fang? Spell to make you dance uncontrollably According to the Death Eaters, what is Harryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s signature spell?

DOWN 1

The Malfoy Manor had albino WHAT living around their house? 3 What color robes did Luna wear to Fleur and Bill's wedding? 4 What wood was James Potter (I)'s wand made out of ? 5 What was Aunt Marge drinking, when her glass shattered in her hand? 9 What position did Lockhart play on his house team? 10 During the wedding, Ron was getting more WHAT while Hermione and Harry discussed Krum?

Classifieds Reach your Prospects First

LOST AND FOUND MISSING MR. MITTENS LOST: I went out exploring Diagon Alley with my pet kneazle. We were having a blast but then I got separated from my pet kneazle! Please help me find him! He is pretty big for his size. His name is Mr. Mittens. He likes Mermaid brand Tuna. Please help me find him! FASHION WAND HOLSTER LOST: After losing my pet kneazle, I sat down at the pretty bench in the park and started crying. Then, I went home. When I got home, I realized I was also missing my favorite wand holster ever. It is bright red with little kneazle designs. If you see this, please return it to me! I know it is very fashionable, but not everyone can pull it off. Don’t embarrass yourself! TOAD SIZED BOX MISSING: I know this may be a long shot, but I'm looking for a small wooden box about the size of a toad with the initials UL carved on the lid. I accidentally left it in Hogs' Head last Tuesday. The bartender hasn't seen it, so I know someone took it. Please return it to Elisa Lemming!! BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST... LOST: After going on a romantic date with the dreamiest wizard, I realized I have lost my most prized possession, my heart. It went home with that dreamy guy and he hasn’t owled me since our date. Please help me get my heart back. REWARD: LOST CAT My cat, Bob. He is a large grey cat with short fur everywhere but his tail, his tail is ridiculously fluffy, and he has bright yellow eyes. He didn't run away so much as get carried away chasing somebody's letter. He's fine with owls, but when letters start flying themselves around Bob goes a little crazy. He really likes sleeping on top of fence posts or mail boxes. If found please owl Lenard Malkin, and we can set a meeting. I only have 5 galleons, 7 sickles, and 15 knuts, but I'll gladly give it all as a reward. I haven't seen Bob in two weeks and I miss him... 76

SHRUNKEN TRUNK

POTIONS SHOP HELP

FOUND: A shrunken school trunk belonging to someone with the initials D.W.R. was found in one of the booths of Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor in Diagon Alley. The owner is keeping it behind the counter for you, so go describe the trunk and its contents to her to retrieve it.

Seeking competent summer help for busy potions shop in Manchester, England. Applicants must be at least 16 years of age. Duties include stocking shelves, inventory, general housekeeping.Must be able to work weekends. Ability to provide own utility cloak and gloves is a bonus. Wage negotiable based on experience and general skill. Interested applicants please send owl to Ms. Henrietta Buxtom of Manchester.

GALLOPING GREEN WAND FOUND: Twelve and 1/4 inch wand made from pale, greenish wood. Has spiral patterns and a carving of a running horse on the handle. Found at Platform 9 3/4, just beyond and slightly to the left of the entrance. Contact Kira Silva if it's yours. WILY NIFFLER LOST: Niffler. Again. Black and duck-beaked with webbed feet. Suddenly dashed out of my case when I tried to feed it. Reckon it ran off to the nearest bank or jewelry shop. Send word by owl to Newt Scamander. Reward: Occamy eggshells.

JOBS POTIONS SALES Blackfang Apothecary is looking for sales witches/wizards. Must have received an A on their Potions O.W.L’s or Herbology O.W.L’s. We have two new locations. Very flexible schedule. SPRING CLEANING Looking for able-bodied people willing to help an old lady clear out a Chizpurfle infestation and do some miscellaneous spring cleaning. Will pay 20 Sickles and provide snacks. Send an owl to Leslie Abney if you are interested! MINISTRY INTERNS The Ministry of Magic is looking for qualified interns to join our department of International Affairs. Intern must have received at least an EE on their Charms and Transfiguration O.W.L.’s and must be taking N.E.W.T classes on either of these subjects. Owl Alice Tress for more information.

STITCHERS NEEDED Loren Trines' Magical Cuddly Toys is hiring assistants! Loren needs help at her shop! Do you like working with felt and stuffing and know basic Needle Charms? Do you have experience making stuffed animals? Drop by Loren's stall near Flourish & Blotts for more information. MUGGLE DRIVERS NEEDED Isa's Wizarding Taxi Service of London is hiring full-time Muggle driving training instructors! Must have a NON-CONFOUNDED Muggle driver's license and have had at least two years of driving experience. Send an owl to "Isa's Wizarding Taxi Service of London" for more information!

FOR SALE WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN... 2 tickets to see Celestina Warbeck, a voucher for a romantic gondola ride in Italy, with a registered portkey included, and a lovely goblin made diamond engagement ring. No questions please. Make me an offer. Just take these memories away from me. Owl Archer Storry for more details. MAKE THEM GREEN WITH ENVY Emerald ball gown. Plus size. Custom made. Worn once to muggle prom. Comes with silver snake pendant necklace.

HALF BLOOD PRICE BOOKS Used copies of A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration volumes 1-7. Books aren't missing any pages, but may contain notes or doodles. 3 galleons and 5 sickles per set, available at Flourish and Blotts while supplies last. PLEASE TAKE THIS BLOODY BOOK The Monster Book of Monsters. It broke free when my daughter tried to read it. It plowed the couch and sent shards of glass flying. Should’ve disposed it the moment we quit Care of Magical Creatures. Whoever is good enough to lock it in chains without being bitten four times, owl Ron Weasley. Free shout out to the Minister of Magic about any matter if you buy the bloody book. GRADUATE GARAGE SALE Seven years worth of school books, three brooms, Gryffindor robes (good condition), various potions supplies and ingredients, a self stirring cauldron, a wizard’s chess set, Weasleys Wizard Wheezes products, my magically expanded trunk, several enchanted quills, an owl perch, a self warming quilt, and the locations of several hidden areas within hogwarts. I have many other things available and everything is in good condition! I'm moving to Romania to work with dragons and I need a bit of extra spending money! Please come by the Shield’s residence just outside of Hogsmeade to look through my things and discuss prices.

REAL ESTATE 4 BED / 2 BATH / 2 FLOO Lovely four bedroom home located in heart of Diagon Alley is available for rent. Features 2 fireplaces connected to the Floo network and a lovely balcony. Balcony has built in silencing spells to keep out the noise of downtown Diagon Alley. OWL Tillia Masters for more information. Available June.

PERSONALS

BUSINESS

MER-MAYBE ITS LOVE

BOGOPO(TIONS)

Lonely wizard looking for a lonely witch or wizard to connect with. Must enjoy Herbology and long walks into Merfolk territory. Must also speak Mermish. Meet me in the Mermaid Cafe. I will be bringing my pet spider plant.

Blackfang Apothecary has a buy one get one free promotion this spring season. Get back into potion making after the holidays! Only valid in Diagon Alley location.

MULTILINGUAL LOOKING TO MINGLE

Bluewing Cosmetics will be having its annual Spring Sale March 25! Come try and see the latest potions, spells, and charms to beautify yourself. Buy one spell, get a free NEW lash potion.

Young witch interested in finding a romantic partner to spend quality time. Ages 20-30. I enjoy going to poetry readings, dabbling with translation spells, and watching American Quodpot. HARD OF HEARING AT HOGWARTS I couldn't hear your name. I met you in the Leaky Cauldron. You have beautiful long blonde hair and stunning deep blue eyes. You were wearing bright green trainers and black jeans under your robes. You had a grey beanie on, and you were drinking butterbeers. Two. At once. I tried to introduce myself, but it was so loud that I couldn't hear your name. My parents were pulling me away for school shopping. I thought you were a Hogwarts student, and that I might see you there, so I reluctantly followed. I haven't seen you there. Where are you? What's your name? Please send an owl to Todd Jameson at Hogwarts. WANTED: CAULDRON COMPANIONS Young adult seeking friends. Ilvermorny graduate, new to the area, and I'll be staying at the Leaky Cauldron for at least a month. I eat dinner at 6 in the back corner. Come join me, and I'll buy you a butterbeer. LOOKING TO BRANCH OUT We crossed paths as you were coming into St Mungo’s and I was leaving. I was the gal with the Weird Sisters t-shirt and the purple hair. You were the girl with the blonde hair, combat boots, and a tree branch growing right out of your forehead. You smiled at me, and underneath the branch were the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen. I’d love to find you and meet up for a drink at the Three Broomsticks this Saturday. I’ll be wearing a black t-shirt with a cat on it. Hope to see you there! CRANKY IN CAHOOTS A wizard who hates all this lovey-Dovey nonsense as much as I do. I want to spend the evening grumbling with someone who is as cold-hearted as I am.

SPRING BEAUTY SALE

STUDY GROUP Do you have problems with potions? Trouble with transfiguration? Whether it’s creatures or plants that cause you to stress fear no more! With dedicated tutoring groups for each subject the bane of your week will soon become your best subject. Find us in the Library after dinner every day of the week, a sign up sheet can be found below- please hand in to the tutor so they can plan ahead. Please be advised that places will be limited to ensure the best learning experience, if there is need additional time slots can be added. All houses welcome as both tutors and tutees! TRANSFIGURATION TUTOR FOR TYLER I'm a seventh-year Hogwarts student who would like extra Transfiguration tutoring before N.E.W.T.s. I won't be able to pay much, but will make cookies every time we meet. Send me (Tyler Greene) an owl if you're interested! RATTLE YOUR OPPONENTS WITH THE NEW THUNDERBOLT Are you looking for a new broom? Is your old one not fast enough? Ellerby and Spudmore (creators of the Firebolt) have come out with the latest and greatest broom. The Thunderbolt! This broom will get you there faster and better than any other broom! Come on in to Quality Quidditch Supplies! Cost:900 Galleons MUGGLE GAMES CLUB Do you like strategy, but are tired of your chess pieces lecturing you? Then come join the Muggle Board Games Club! We meet in Hogsmeade on the weekends to play various Muggle board games (and card games too. We aren't picky). Hogwarts students welcome!

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