The Jungle Drums Magazine

FOR THE LOCALS...BY THE LOCALS

www.thejungledrums.com

MAY 2011 No. 83

LIFE IN SPAIN..

loving it!

MURCIA

a day out to this old city

5 great reasons to: LEARN SPANISH! PLUS All the regulars, ANDREA BURNS, YOUR LETTERS, INDIAN FOOD & PLENTY OF JOKES!

& as ever, hand delivered with care to…

GRAN ALACANT - SANTA POLA - LA MARINA - GUARDAMAR - ROJALES CATRAL - ALBATERA - HONDONS - LA ROMANA & PINOSO - HABANERAS TORREVIEJA - CABO ROIG - PUNTA PRIMA & PLAYA FLAMENCA

Cover Image

Running the road roulette

Galego

by Luis Miguel Bugallo Sánchez

this month 5 ANDREA... fiscal stuff...

7 5 GREAT REASONS.. to learn spanish...

9 LETTERS... say it like it is...

11 LIVE SPAIN...

Murcia...

15 NATURE... part four...

23 PUZZLES... easy, peasy...

If , as they say, we all have a guardian

day!’ She marched over to the driver, who

angel…then mine is asleep I think, either

was still in his car - waiting for the road to

that or enjoying a cool sharp Harp instead

clear of the debris he’d caused, and asked

of playing one and keeping an eye on my

(more politely than I would have) ‘did you

well-being.

not see me?’

One of the local buses (you must have seen

His reply left us all open-mouthed as he

them – a blue blur chucking out smoke?)

disappeared in a cloud of dust and insults,

had just followed me on my motorbike

‘of course I saw you, I’m not blind! I was

along a main road at the maximum speed

going much too fast to stop, couldn’ t you

limit of 90kph. Actually it must have been

see? Use your eyes next time!

&

doing 91kph as the needle on my Speedo

Ignorance is bliss as they say and I can

said 90 and he was catching me. He got

sympathise with that after watching Sky

that close that I swore I could feel his

News for 15 minutes (long enough) and

breath on the back of my neck. However,

wondering why insurance agents would be

I can forgive him, as I’d read a little ear-

kicking off in Libya…before realising they

lier that us humans, generally, only use 20

were talking about ‘insurgents’…it was ear-

per cent of our brains at any one time and

ly, ok?

this driver obviously needed most of that

31 HOROSCOPES... looking ahead...

to concentrate on walking upright, I guess.

Yawn, read on and enjoy…

Dave

But if I thought I was unlucky, you should

33 INDIAN FOOD... just mmmm...

have seen the woman who was knocked off

her bike in Santa Pola. A car came out of a junction and just didn’ t stop, slamming

35 JD JOKES... ‘avin a larf...

46 BUSINESS DIRECTORY...

All you need to call...

into the side of her and knocking her across the road leaving her bike in a heap and

the rider on her bottom. Luckily, for her,

she wasn’ t too badly injured but remained on her backside looking stunned. When I

helped her get up and retrieved her bike

and much much more

she said to me, ‘that’s the second time to-

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Annual income tax declaration for residents in Spain It is the time of the year again and for all those residents that have never filed their annual income tax declaration this information is hopefully very useful.

Unlike in the UK, where the tax year ends in April, the Spanish tax year coincides with the natural year, 1st January to 31st December, and the annual tax declaration is filed between the months of May and June. The banks have sent out letters with all the relevant tax details regarding your accounts (it will say información fiscal). Since that is not the only paper to gather, here is a list of the required details: - Personal details (name, N.I.E. number, birth date, civil status, family details, etc.)

- SUMA bills for all properties, or copy of the deed if not yet available.

- Income from work, old age pension (equivalent in Euros!)

andrea burns

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- Taxes paid abroad on pensions - Interest payments, dividends, sale of bonds, etc. (this information is usually sent by the bank for the annual tax return)

- Received rent payments - Income from work and part payments made to the tax office (only if you are self-employed) - Capital gains from the sale of properties, shares, etc., deeds and expenses related to the sale.

NOTARY DEEDS PRIVATE SALES CONTRACTS FISCAL REPRESENTATION CAPITAL GAINS TAX

Special circumstances that might apply:

NON-RESIDENTS' INCOME TAX

- Disability (with a certificate) - Maintenance payments to separated spouses - Allowance for the purchase of a habitual residence (information from the bank) - Donations (Red Cross, etc.)

- Nursery expenses for children under 3 years - Allowance for working mothers - Allowance for maternity, birth of children - Renting a property - Pension plans

N.I.E. NUMBERS

- N.I.E. is obligatory for children from 14 years of age - Trade union fees, fees for political parties, etc.

If you did not get taxed in the UK because your income was within the tax-free allowance then please do not assume that you do not have to file your tax declaration in Spain.

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FIVE GOOD REASONS TO:

LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE and most of all...

LEARN ABOUT “BRAIN FITNESS” or how to keep your brain young! as! i d s Appr o uen B ? o . . . v a e Hola che! e llamde puta madre...! s e m o C 1. It’s true. If you only speak one language, you have no basis for comparison. In different languages, the same idea is expressed in different ways therefore to learn another language will make you pay more attention to your own and understand and use your verbs, prepositions, adverbs and adjectives more correctly. As you develop the learning program you will see that your writing and thinking processes have become more creative. Have you ever realized that many of the greatest writers and poets actually speak more than one language? Their knowledge of the world around them is greater. A fact without a doubt!

and you may put this conclusion to the test, any time, any day! I dare you!

3.

You will be part of that “global village”.

It is a fact nowadays that with all the IT tools our world has become a smaller place and mobility, for personal or professional reasons, is greater and faster so for a great deal of people, learning another language has become a must. From a business point of view, most companies have an international projection that requires the use of foreign languag-

Considering all the money and effort we put

es. Here we have another fact for you!

into keeping ourselves looking good and

4. Speaking languages is a Plus+++ in any

eating healthily how can we ignore the most important organ in our body? Learning an-

CV. That is another indisputable fact that

other language is much more challenging and

2. Travelling around the world becomes a

requires no further explanations.

rewarding than any of these games that now

pleasurable and edifying experience. When

5. Your emotional realm and your edu-

you know, at least a little, of a different language, travelling to another country takes on a whole new meaning. You relax more and you have the chance to understand local habits, stories, etc. that will be totally missed if the ability to communicate is not there. The fact that you try to communicate in another language will make you look, to the eyes of the local people, like someone who is really trying and who values a different culture altogether therefore you instantly become likable (friendly, amicable)!!!! That is another fact

bombard us! Recent research studies show that people who can speak more than one

cation can only be enhanced by learning

language can delay the onset of dementia by

languages. Have you ever thought about the

four years!!

“new worlds” that can open up for you? I

Here is a recipe to keep you young and enter-

will name but a few: understanding different

tained for many, many years to come:

music, literature, humour, history, and culture

Learning a language + getting to grips with

will broaden your capacity to see the world

a different cultures + traveling = BRAIN FIT-

from different perspectives. Can you think of

NESS!!!

anything more enriching?

I could elaborate for hours on the advantages

And if none of the above reasons appeal to

of what I have explained so far. It is a fas-

you, here is one that I do not believe you can

cinating field that has no end! From experi-

reject! - BRAIN FITNESS or how to keep your

ence I can tell you that the advantages are

brain young!

greater than the effort! Now you just have to decide what language you wish to learn. My suggestion: English or Spanish at Monbabel, perhaps? Or maybe you have in mind another language? Please just call us!

By the way, my inspiration and motivation to write this piece are my students!

Aged from 5 to 68!! I am grateful to them!

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letters Passport problems

British Consulate - Alicante

was. The passports had to be returned, they had

Plaza Calvo Sotelo 1/2-1

put Aarons picture on Roberts and vice versa. I

Apartado De Correos 564

am still waiting for them to come back again.

03001 Alicante

Will let you know if I ever get them.

Tel.: (+34) (6) 521 6190 / (+34) (6) 521 6022

Ruth

Fax: (+34) (6) 514 0528

The saga continues…and we’ll let you know

Sept and June: Open to the public between 07:00

how Ruth gets on.

and 14:30 Dear Jungle Drums,

July and August: Open to the public between

I have a problem with passports. I applied for

06:00 and 12:30

two for my sons and I sent them certificado on

Good luck!

the 1st Feb to be delivered on the 3rd February.

Amanda (sales@spanishsolutions.net)

Letters in March 2011 Issue 81 Concerning the letter from Jeff Vanden Eynde de-

I rang the help line on the 9th March and I was

tailing at considerable length his awful

told somebody would call me, that didn’t happen.

experiences with Vodafone. Someone who has

So i called again on the 21st March, of which

suffered this treatment may feel compelled to

Ii was told that my passports could be

publicly detail what has happened, but by doing

at the Correos, but that was impos-

so he is also inviting opinions and comments,

sible as they hadn’t taken any

which I duly make below.

money which meant they

My reaction went from outrage to indignation

hadn’t started to process

to incredulity, accompanied by more sober and

them yet!

rational thoughts, starting with that the initial

So i was told, yet again,

question ‘Is he so busy that he has no time to

that somebody will call

check his bills properly?’, moving on to the saying

me. So far these calls have

‘If you do this to me once, shame on you, but

cost me 38.39€, you can only call the help

do it to me twice, shame on me!’, continuing

line which is an 807 number 1.54€ per min.

with the opinion that he has‘More money than

If they can’t help me, who can, does any--

sense’ and asking myself ‘has he never heard of

body know of a phone number where I

OMIC?’ to ‘a reasonably competent accountant

can get help, please?

could have sorted this out in no time flat!’ and

My two sons have no ID.

coming to the conclusion that the guy is a

Ruth

‘complete pratt!’ Not half of one, but totally.

Whatever he does for a living that keeps him so

I replied to Ruth that I’d see what

busy that he is willing to part with money so

we could do and passed on her de-

easily and gullibly, I want no part of it! I shall

tails to a friend, Amanda at Spanish Solu-

avoid that name like the plague.

tions who did her very best…see below…

B Easton

Hi Dave,

Ruth Replies…

Okay, I have talked to a few people about this.

We don´t have another inside contact number

Hi Dave,

(or email address) and can´t locate one other

Thanks for all that. The latest on the passports

than the Embassy´s help line for passports she

is I rang Alicante on March 29th, she told me

mentions.

Ii had to ring the help line, so I explained to

Seeing as she knows it was actually delivered

her what had been going on. She told me

at the Embassy on the 3rd February (having

she would send an e-mail to Madrid, telling

checked the certificated post) and she is con-

them to ring me immediately. Within 30

cerned (although it is normal to be approx. 6

minutes Madrid called.

weeks for a new passport application, she needs

I gave her all details the bar code of

to double check with the Correos that they defi-

which it was registered; she said

nitely don´t have it (if that was the address giv-

she would call me back. She called

en) or a notification that they were holding it and

me back; she had found them in a

it has been returned after the usual week.

pending tray. There was something

If sure it has never been delivered then if she

wrong with the card, we checked,

doesn´t want to keep trying the infuriating

I had written down one number

helpline at the Embassy, she needs to try the

wrong on the expiry date. They

British Consulate at Alicante as that is the place

said they had called and left a

you contact if you have emergency travel ar-

message, we didn’t get. There

rangements and a passport is stuck at the Em-

was two other numbers in

bassy, and they might be able to help. Personally

that envelope, why couldn’t

I think they will say she needs to wait a few more

they have tried one of them.

weeks if they are not travelling imminently.

March 31st they called to say passports were

Their details are:

being delivered on April 1st (April fool’s day) it

9

Murcia - centuries of history

It’s February and I might usually be drinking hot chocolate in my wellheated, Canadian house, wrapped up in a warm fleece blanket as the thermometer outside reads -20 degrees Celsius.

for a third year. I’ve come to teach

the oranges in these city trees are not

English in a high school and I find the work to be extremely fulfilling and en-

good for eating; It’s a shame because they look so fresh and juicy. There

riching. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed being immersed in the Spanish culture and learning about how things are done in another part of the world.

are plenty of orchards around Murcia though, stocked full of trees with the edible kinds of oranges and lemons.

Many local growers will give full bags

This time around, I’ve been placed in Murcia. It’s a small region and not really well-known. It’s quite different

of oranges and lemons to their friends and neighbours to save their produce from going to waste.

from Madrid and Barcelona for example.

So far I’ve been getting acquainted

I am living and working in a small town called El Palmar, which is a 20-minute bus ride away from Murcia (the capital

with the capital city during weekends.

There’s an impressive 15th century cathedral in Murcia’s city centre and many quaint streets and public squares.

The city has a river running through it with several nice bridges, and even a large sardine-sculp-

an impressive 15th

Instead, I am sitting comfortably out on a terrace, soaking up strong sunrays in southern Spain. I can’t really complain about the heat. It’s not that I don’t like snow. In fact I think it’s beautiful

century cathedral in Murcia’s city

centre and many

quaint streets and public squares.

how it coats buildings and streets with a shimmering glitter during the Canadian winters I’ve become accustomed to. But my ‘winter’ is different this time. I’m back in Spain

10

ture fountain at one spot that occasionally spurts out water.

Something that sur-

prised me when I first arrived in Murcia was seeing oranges growing on trees along the sidewalks. Oranges in January? Locals say

MURCIA

A newcomer to Murcia

by Alexandra Charles

of the region of Murcia). Being a big-

people around. Similarly, Dehesa de

city girl, I find this town lacking in the facilities and busy social activities one

Campoamor (which is in Alicante, just outside of Murcia) is a nice residential

can find in a city like Murcia. The main sights in El Palmar are the hospital buildings, called la Arrixaca. Besides that, there are a few banks, a clothing

beach town but it also is deserted in the wintertime. A lovely harbour town to spend the day is called Cartagena; it’s a navy station and there’s a roman

shop or two, some tobacco stores, and about two small bakeries on Calle Mayor,

theatre one can tour as well.

La Manga del Mar Menor is the main

Feel free to contact Ms. Alexandra Charles with any comments or questions at alexandracharles@hotmail. com.

‘sitting

which is the main street. There’s one church at the end and

comfortably out on a terrace, soaking

sight to see when you visit Murcia. Everyone tells me how crowded

that marks the town limits.

One thing I’ve been having to get used to is walking to the other end of town to get to the supermarket, and then having to drag my purchases all the way back to the flat. Having access to a car would be handy, but I’m not confident I’d be able to maneuver

this resort town gets with tourists in the summer- so much so there’s no chance of finding parking spaces for cars yet alone for towels on the beach! Still, the Manga is an intriguing place. On one side you have the calm Mar Menor, with barely a ripple there.

Then when you cross the road to the

around these extremely narrow, Spanish streets.

other side, a mere 30 steps or so, you’re standing at the immense and seemingly infinite Mediterranean Sea.

up the sun’

When living in and around El Palmar and Murcia capital, it is possible to get

The many regions of Spain are dra-

to the coast and Mediterranean Sea in just over 30 minutes by car. I’ve been to the small beach town called Los Norejos, and it seemed like a ghost town since winter does not bring many

matically different than their neighbours. Each has its own virtues. Murcia is unlike any other region I’ve been to.

Here, if you like the sun, to southern Spain you must come B-)

11

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14

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MEMORIES OF AFRICA

By Malcolm Palmer

Part Four

We took our leave of the Masai Mara – I could

south¬wards out of the city, passing great

happily have spent a month on the rolling

hordes of lugubrious Marabou Storks, perched

grasslands, alive with animals, but we were due

on gantries over the road, whilst the inevi-

that lunchtime in Nairobi. I managed to spot a

table Black Kites and Pied Crows joined them

group of Yellow-Throated Sandgrouse and a pair

in scavenging. Hadada and Sacred Ibis were

of Long-Crested Ea¬gles along the way, though

common too.

birding isn’t easy as you rattle along deeply-

As the distant snows of Kilimanjaro, Africa’s

potholed tracks. When we climbed out of the

highest mountain, came into view, we paused

Rift Valley, we were able to stop for a while and

at the inevitable craft shop, where, somehow

watch a Sykes’ Monkey clambering around in

avoiding the attentions of the sales-minded

a tree. My friend Julian Sykes was delighted to

denizens, I saw Fischer’s Starling, White-

where. We finally caught up with Eland, one of

hear that he had a monkey!

Browed Sparrow-Weaver and a familiar bird – a

the antelopes we had so far missed, but the

Entering Nairobi through the big suburb of

European Roller. Then we moved on down to

birds caught my atten¬tion, with Two-Banded

Karen (named after the famous Karen Blixen –

the boundary of the great Amboseli reserve.

Courser, Crowned and Kittlitz’s Plovers, Saddle-

who cannot remember the portrayal of her by

We were shown a Masai village, and the village

Billed Stork, White-Bellied Bustard and African

Meryl Streep!) we ended up at a famous restau-

headman guided us round. I had to translate for

Jacana just a few of the species we found.

rant called, very appropriately, ‘The Carnivore,’

my colleague as he ‘only’ spoke English as well

Next morning, sadly, was my last in this magnif-

where you gorge on all kinds of meat until you

as his native Maa tongue.

icent country, but Grey-Capped Social Weaver,

can do so no more. I found Ostrich meat deli-

It was by no means as ‘naff’ an experience as

Black-Faced Sandgrouse, Jacobin Cuckoo and

cious, and Crocodile inter¬estingly ‘fishy.’ It was

I had feared; in fact it was highly inter¬esting,

Gabar Goshawk were just some of the birds

definitely not a place for vegetarians!

as we saw the inside of their living huts and

for which our driver slowed up obligingly as we

We all had a welcome afternoon at leisure

visited the school. A Northern Pied Babbler, plus

headed back to Nairobi. We also came across

in Nairobi – a very busy modern metropolis

a lovely Pygmy Falcon and White-browed Scrub

sizeable herds of Plains Zebra and Gnu as we

roughly the size of Madrid, with horrendous

Robin helped out quite a bit!

approached the city.

traffic problems.

When we arrived at the Sopa Lodge, Baanded

Then it was all traffic and the usual airport ‘en-

Next morning, though, it was back in ‘sa-

Mongoose lazed around the rooms, and Black-

tertainment’ before a mercifully com¬fortable

fari-mode’ and off at the crack of dawn,

Faced Monkeys looked for mischief. A rare

KLM flight to Amsterdam, during which I slept

Grey-Headed Bush Shrike had a Europe-bound

remarkably well. I can strongly recommend

Spotted Flycatcher for company.

both a safari to Kenya and the company I went

The Amboseli plains, with their snow-capped

with – Politours. But don’t expect a rest cure!

background of the great massif of Kiliman¬jaro, were simply marvellous, with Masai Ostriches, Elephants and Buffalo dotted around every-

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16

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JUST MARRIED

Two weeks later the

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room

woman comes back to the

and the groom decides to let the bride know

doctor looking fresh and

where she stands right from the start of the

reborn.

marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw

Woman: “Doctor, that

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The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”

He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always

g? doin urequest, o e r themo atw him a with they same “Try those h The bride takes off her knickers and throws

on!”

?? ededupup ovov ’s’smm hoho wHe w replies,”I can’t get into your knickers!”

time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn’t touch me!”

inning... are you w Doctor: “You see how

n? n? if you don’t change ww dodo never bloody will eded ovov .? k.mouth ’syou ’smm much keeping your hoho w“And w er y wee ...or losing ev your attitude.”

shut helps?”

JEAN HANGS ON BUT WILL SHE WIN? The Translator looks to have been saved from the wooden spoon which he has comfortably held for the best part of the season.

Yes a gallant last minute effort for league glory by, er hum… The Courier, nudging Mitch Bull up a space has left him dizzy…

Meanwhile us at JD are more than happy with mid-table safety (mediocrity) but as

Dreamteam still on top of the pile but with Armoured FC and fcbartonini snapping at Jean’s heels – although in a nice way I’m told.

Good luck to all for the final moments of an I interesting season to say the least -winner announced next month!

Contact for innfo or claiiming a prize:

we enter the last few weeks it’s getting very interesting at the sharp end with OT

Paul at paul@masainternational.com

top

ue Table ums Leag r D e l g n Ju

Jungle Dr ums Leag ue Table

top

You tried your best and you failed miserably.

The lesson is ‘never try’...Homer (

Simpson)

LEAVING THE OFFICE EARLY Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.

One day the girls decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early??

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss!!

Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

“No way”, the blonde exclaimed. “I almost got caught yesterday.”

bottom

22

m o t t bo

17 Woman: “Doctor, I don’t

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18

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Welcome to this month’s computer article written by Richard from BlueMoon Solutions Many people have asked me what the Google toolbar is. Their friends have told them that they should get it but they are nervous about installing something new on to their computer, so I thought we would dedicate a few lines to looking at what it is and how it can be used.

Broadband Setup New Computers & Laptops in English Repairs & Upgrades Compatible Ink Cartridges Phone Calls Using Your PC Website Design Competitive Rates

Google Toolbar...

The Google toolbar is an add-on applica-

of the toolbar is just fantastic! How many

tion to your web browser; it can be installed very easily on either Internet Explorer or

times have you completed your name, email address, house address etc when filling in

Firefox by simply going to the following

an online form for a flight, book delivery

website address - http://toolbar.google.

or something similar? If you are anything

com

like me then the answer is “loads of times!”

Well with AutoFill, all the form filling is a

So, what’s the advantage of installing the

thing of the past, the Google toolbar will

Google toolbar? Firstly one major advantage for those of us that need to look at

enable you to create an AutoFill profile with all of that useful information, and with one

websites in Spanish, the Google toolbar will

single mouse click you can fill in any online

automatically offer to translate these webweb

form – simples!

sites into our native language.

This is a

great feature as it attempts to translate the website on the ‘fly’ and you therefore get to

Another great feature is the ability to customise the toolbar, adding your favourite

PC and Server Health Checks

see the original website but with the English

websites and other buttons.

words where the Spanish words originally

does allow you to create a fully personal

Macro Writing

were. Ok, sometimes it fails, usually where the words are part of images or the whole

feel to your web browser, and if that isn’t enough then you can even save the set-

website is written in Adobe flash, however

tings of your customisation to your Google

Microsoft Office Training Server Monitoring Backup Solutions Web and Email Hosting

This really

most of the time it works

account. This way whatever

well enough to help you understand and navigate

computer you log onto, your customised Google toolbar

the website.

will be available just as you left it – this is something

Another useful function

that I covered recently in

Network & Wireless Setup

of the toolbar is that it places the Google search

reply to a question raised in the Courier newspaper

bar at the top of your

which I write for on a weekly

Anti-Virus & Security

web

basis.

Windows Server Configuration

No Call Out Fee No Job Too Small

Email or phone us for friendly help and advice office@bluemoonsolutions.es

browser,

allowing

you to quickly and easily perform any Internet searches straight away, so there is no need to have to navigate to the Google page to start your search.

found it useful, remember that you can see all of our articles on our website at www.bluemoonsolutions.es/articles

The Google toolbar has a spell-checker built directly into it. This will kick into action in

www.bluemoonsolutions.es

useful situations like when you are typing an email for example, or completing an on-

mobile: 655 044 970

any page that you happen to be browsing is

Office: 902 906 200

Well that’s about it for this month, I hope you have

line form.

Again having this available on

pretty useful. Whilst we are talking about filling in online forms, the AutoFill function

19

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20

NO HIDDEN EXTRAS

THE PRICE WE QUOTE IS THE PRICE YOU PAY xtrarentacar@xtra-car-hire.com

CALL PAUL

THERE IS ONLY ONE NAME IN SANTA POLA

Talleres PEREZ JUAN NEW AND SECOND HAND VEHICLES, REPAIRS, SERVICING AND BODY WORK Talleres Perez Juan S.L Ctra Elche 10 - Santa Pola. Telephone 96 541 5921 or 96 541 3746 STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

21

PERFORMANCE & DIESEL CENTRE Motor Engineers of Guardamar

JAGUAR All makes, petrol and diesel, Serviced and Repaired The Diesel Centre specialises in mechanical and engine repairs from routine servicing to repairing manual gear boxes, alternators, starter motors, Re-building complete engines, also up to date diagnostic fault finding, Head gaskets, timing belts, clutches, brakes, welding and air con.

We also carry out pre-ITV inspections and take cars for the actual ITV tests.

Mark, the owner, has more than 20 years experience as a mechanic, and colleague Steve, is a Ford trained Master Technician (which is the highest standard awarded to any technician in Europe), so you can be assured you are being served by the best.

The Centre’s reputation is built on expertise and quality of service, and many of its customers are referred by word of mouth recommendations.

The centre opens weekdays from 9am to 6pm (no Siesta) Saturday mornings 9am to 1pm.

Find us at C/Ferrers 90, Poligono Ind. Santa Ana, Guardamar del Segura Or for a friendly chat or any advice you may need, please do not hesitate to give us a call on:

96 610 7606 or 647 162 821

see page 40 for details

CROSSWORD 2

CROSSWORD 1

Down

Across

1. American __ 5. Bedtime movie?

10. Where we all come from 14. Zero 15. Message to Alice 16. Region 17. Religious faction 18. At __ (doesn’t know) 19. Instant-replay cameras, for short 20. This puzzle has five 22. “____ as good a time as any” 23. Mdse.

24. __ out (makes do) 26. Brandname that’s synonymous with a vacuum.

29. Capital of Nebraska 33. Won-__ 34. Every one 36. $2 Canadian coin, informally 37. Jai __ 39. With 20 across, February 18th, 2008 41. Golfer, at times 42. “__ the Clowns” Sondheim song from “A Little Night Music” 45. Track __ 48. Flower in Juarez 49. Avenue in New York 51. Author Capote 53. Seine tributary 54. It used to be called a C-ration 55. Brass component 58. Mount __ (highest peak east of the Mississippi) 64. Your’s in Tours 65. Revolutionary Allen from the northeast 66. Bullets 67. Tolerate 68. Having wings 69. Reclined 70. Does some gardening 71. Little ones 72. Aware of

Down

1. Clouseau, for one, abbrev.

2. Not an idler 3. First word in many fairy tales 4. “Up and at ‘em!”

5. Lowest point on Earth’s surface 6. Sound heard through a stethoscope 7. British school since 1440 8. Beer that shares its name with a Dutch river 9. Part of a soldier’s gear 10. Decorative panelling 11. Approximately 12. Pussy’s plea 13. Instrument for Paul McCartney 21. “If I Knew You Were Comin’ ___ Baked a Cake” 25. Brian of early Roxy Music 26. __ putt (finish on the green) 27. __ on (never ending) 28. Mail-room stamp, abbrev.

30. Brutus’s burdens 31. __ wait (prepare to ambush) 32.

Rome’s fiddler 33. Devil’s island off Australia, abbrev.

35. __ and cheese 38. Foolish deeds 40. Still 43. “Woe ____” (humorous grammar book) 44. Piece of cake!

46. Winter weasels 47. U-__ 50. In an orderly manner 52. Maniac’s opening?

55. “Scrubs” co-star ____ Braff 56. Langston Hughes poem 57. Slangy refusal 59. He’s often quoted, abbrev.

60. “I __ Mondays!”

61. Gov’t guy 62. Leave out 63. Taboo

WHY PAY MORE?

3

5

1

4

1 4 2

9

7

1. Went over 2. Old Chevy model 3. Scatter 4. Cook, in a way 5. Seal’s nemesis 6. Turfs 7. Tramp, e.g.

8. Old marketplace 9. Neglectful 10. The clothing biz 11. Lode’s load 12. Trespass 13. End fast 21. Say ‘uncle’ 23. Baseball Hall of Famer Mel 25. Father’s favourite native child 26. Excited 27. _ hall 28. Verb suffix 31. Top, for example 32. Zero 35. Begrudge 37. “David Copperfield” heroine 38. _ effort 39. Where survey results probably end up 40. Between fam. and sp.

41. Yahoo competitor 42. Apart, abbr.

45. Swear words?

46. Lime 48. Glorified 49. Acquiesced 50. Eensy-_ 52. What skinheads do 54. Express 56. Headline?

57. Liberal _ 58. Hip joint?

59. Tavern tonic 60. Pen _ 62. Early drops

0

1. Covers 5. Felix’s fastidious roommate 10. American Beauty, e.g.

14. Let out 15. Take a powder?

16. “Suor Angelica” has one 17. Altar’s place 18. Computer storage device 19. Fella 20. Father’s favourite melons 22. What the mob might do 24. Fragrant resin 25. Father’s favourite deli order 29. Indian beans 30. Europe’s highest volcano 33. Puts on 34. Jeweller’s aid 36. One-a-day, e.g.

37. Father’s favourite bug 42. Living room item 43. _-dovey 44. Sexy 47. Lip-_ 48. It’s said to have a long arm 51. Father’s favourite garden 53. Sioux tribe 55. The two 56. Father’s favourite field 58. Timely tautonym 61. Palindromic detector 63. Capital of Yemen 64. Sorrowful word 65. Not hidden 66. Ball supporters 67. Remove 68. Salamanders 69. Swirl

4

Across

answers on page...

SOMEWHERE...!?

Wordoku key word: Dangerous

the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408

23

GRAN ALA

Vote

Vote for M and Lo

WHO HAS DONE THE M Our commitments with the citizens of Gran Alacant have been fulfilled along the last 8 years we are governing in Santa Pola.

The first school, the municipal parks, the new pathways, the new see-viewing points, the library, the municipal office, the health centre, the sports hall centre, the green area at the Clot, the allotments, the bus stops, the asphalt of the streets, the new 500 trees we have in Gran Alacant, the new benches and bins, the new roundabouts, the new lights, the new bins

for rubbish, the activities at the library, the support for the associations of the area, the new fiestas in Gran Alacant, the new firebreaks surrounding the urbanisations, the new paths for walking and bicycle in our sierra...and much more.

Some of our new commitments with you are: the new market area, the construction of hotels in the area, the constructions of the golf course, the construction of new wide pathways, the construction of new parks, see-viewing points and green areas, a park for dogs, refuse centre, the second

Gran Alacant Health Centre project 24

ACANT

e for

Miguel Zaragoza oreto Cascales

MOST FOR YOU??????? school, the new health centre with more specialists, improve the cleaning of streets and other areas, to plant more trees, the construction of new paths for bicycle in Gran Alacant, the support for all the associatiosn we have in the area and all the things that you will be demanding.

You know all the services and infrastructures that today we are able to enjoy in Gran Alacant have been made possible since our mayor Miguel Zaragoza and our councillor Loreto Cascales are governing the Council. And you know

also that if we say we will do something for you, we will do it.

These are the reasons why we would like to ask you to vote for our party, the Popular Party or PP the next 22nd May. On this date, we are going to have the local elections and with your vote you can collaborate to decide the future of our town. If you are satisfied with the projects and the work we have done in Gran Alacant... vote for us and we will go on working in improving this lovely area of Santa Pola.

Future second school

Sports Complex 25

The

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From Gran Alacant: take the N332 to the La Marina Urbanisation.

Look for a major left turning into the main street lined with bars etc.

After Supervalu turn right, continue until you find bars and dentist on your left

26

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27

® inmobiliaria - estate agent Ref: GA 64 Brisa Mar

Ref: GA 160 Costa Hispania

Ref: GA 58

Mediterraneo II

Ref: GA 149 Puerto Marino

jungle Semidetached corner house in a priprivate complex with 2 bedrooms, bathbathroom, toilet, lounge, kitchen, gallery, porch and solarium. Gas instalation

3 beds duplex, independent kitchen,1 bathroom, 1 toilet, garage, and wooden shedon on the terrace. A/A and facing to the swimming pool.

Ground floor apartment with 2 bedrooms, independent kitchen, 1 bathroom, dining room, porch, garden and covered parking.

PVP:120.000€

PVP: 115.000€

PVP: 135.200€

Ref: 339-S Puerto Marino

Ref: 328-S Puerto Marino

Duplex in a very good conditiones with 2 bedrooms, dining room, independent kitchen, galery, 2 bathrooms, 1 toilet and terrace. Communal swimming pool. Close to amenities and services.

Duplex in excellent conditioning, dining room with A/A, independent kitchen, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 1 tolilet, garden of 111m2, covert galery and glass porch.

PVP: 165.000€

PVP: 170.000€

PVP:161.200€

PVP: 155.000€

Ref: GA 156 Puerto Marino

Ref: 179-S Anara

Ref: GA 81 Altomar I

Ref: GA 166 Don Pueblo

GA 24

Novamar

Apartment in top floor with 2 bedrooms, dining room, independent kitchen, terrace, roof solarium, utility room and cover parking space. Private complex with swimming pool and tennis court.

ungle 3 beds duplex with independent kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, galgallery, terrace, solarium and communal swimming pool. Fully furnished.

Corner semi-detached house with private swimming pool. Dining room, 3 bedrooms, independent kitchen, 2 bath, 1 toilet with shower , gallery, porch and big garden on plot of 250m2 with parking area. Furnished.

Villa with 4 bedrooms, dining room with fire place, independent kitchen, 2 bathrooms, and toilet. Air conditionconditioning, basement divided into office and garage.

Ref: GA 80 Novamar II

Ref: GA 175 Novamar III

Apartment on top floor in perfect condition on one of the nicer urbanisations in this area. Comprising of 2 beds, bath, lounge/ dining room, terrace and parking.

Duplex in a private complex with 3 beds, 1 bath with bath and shower, 1 toilet with shower, open kitchen, lounge, garden, solarium, storage room, gallery and garage. Close to all services and amenities.

Duplex 3+2 beds, living room with fire place, large independent kitchen, 2 bath, 1 toilet, 4 terraces and extra dinig room in the basement. Private complex with swimming pool, tennis court and parking space.

Ref : GA 61 Brisas del Faro

Ref: 369-S Monte y Mar

Ref: GA 67 Victoria Playa

3 beds triplex, dining room, open kitchen, 2 bathrooms, 1 toilet, balcony, terrace and solarium. Fully furnished and A/A. Private complex with swimming pool, tennis court and close to all amenities.

Villa with 3 bedrooms, dining room with fire place , independent kitchen, 2 bath, 1 toilet with shower, terrace and solarium. Garden on plot of 279m2 and private swimming pool.

Fantastic 3 beds duplex with a big terrace, large bright lounge, 2 bath, independent kitchen, 2 solarium, balcony with sea views, storage room and a big terrace. Air conditioned throughout the property.

PVP: 240.000€

PVP: 1O5.000€

PVP: 120,000 €

PVP:145.000€

PVP:360.000€

PVP: 180.000€

PVP:255.000€

Ref: GA 143

Don Pueblo

PVP: 189.000€

Before you buy or sell, come and visit us!

PVP: 185.000€

PVP: 115.000€

Ref: GA 98 Puerto Marino

Duplex 2 beds, dining room, independent kitchen, 2 bath, 1 toilet, gallery and 2 gardens. Communal swimming pool, parking space and A/A thoughout the house. Fully furnished.

Duplex with 225 m2 distributed in 3 bedoroms with built- in wardrobes, 3 bathrooms, independent kitchen, dining room with fire place, galey, basement with windows 3 terraces and garage. Private complex with swimming pool, tennis court. ´Fantastic condition.

PVP: 195.000€ Ref: 183-S Altomar I

Duplex in a very good condition with 3 bedrooms, independent kitchen and an extra room and utility room in the solarium . Complex with swimming pool and sport court. Close to services and amenities.

PVP: 155.000€

GA 135

Mediterraneo

Fantastic Duplex with 2 bedooms, 2 bathrooms, independent kitchen, dining room and terrace, very closed to the natural Park. Fully furnished and covered parking.

Lovely complex with communal swimming pool, tennis court and green areas.PVP:

145.000€

Avda. Escandinavia, 72 C.C. Altomar II L.10 03130 Gran Alacant. Santa Pola Tlf. 966697779 · 966698180 Fax 966697378 sp@victoria.es

www.victoria.es 28

Fantastic first floor apartment with solarium, lounge, independent kitchen, 2 bedrooms and bathroom. Urbanisa Urbanisation with private pool. Very closed to the shopping Center

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29

ED -B FA

SO

O DI M N S IN G R O LI O V M IN S G R C O A O BI M N ET C HA S IR S TA BL ES

HA

D BE

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IR

ES SS RE SO

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30

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see page 33 for details

MAY 2011 The words of the great sage Charlie Sheen will ring in your ears this month: ‘winners will continue to chew at the words of critics violently this month’. You, too, should be sure to watch your overly critical tongue, especially to those named Chuck who remain protected by the confluence of a perspicacious Neptune.

Brazil nuts continue to be your lucky nut for 92.5% of the time, especially in any jungle or toll road based endeavors.

You are living in a state of the constantly delayed Doh! Your reactions are on average a full two minutes late, by which time it looks like you are causing problems you are merely reacting to. You can’t go on like this much longer...

Red flashing lights seem to offer the prospects of exciting danger around 3am on the 7th. It will be dull.

Recycling, which you are doing far too much of, is about to become dangerous in a film noire meets Godzilla type way but without the expensive special effects.

Underwear modeling is a new career option for you following your diet and working out regime of the last 18 months. Well done. (Best to book an appointment to have any excess body hair removed about two days before your first show.)

Lindsay Lohan is your role model this month, especially when redecorating living rooms or bedrooms (not bathrooms or kitchens).

Furniture with wood like coverings continue to be two percent below completely possessed until well into April - ignore what the devious pseudo timber is saying, it is trying to break your spirit.

You will once again find yourself at the center of world events this month, as your bizarrely accident prone internet usage continues to amaze experts. If truth be told it was you that led to the internet being disconnected in Egypt last month. Your recent discovery that the F11 key makes your internet browser go full screen, is having some disastrous side effects in some parts of the world that engineers at Microsoft are having sleepless nights over. Now may be the time to start learning C and C++ programming languages.

Early morning Virgo joggers should continue to run down by the docks at dawn, unless the drug dealing cartel that has gained control of the area has got its delivery in from Afghanistan in which case it is best to avoid the bonded area as security will be especially tight.

After match, or race, interviews should be avoided until well into June.

Backwards flips from low positions, such as the backs of seats in the park, or on permanent pavement bollards, has never been better starred this month in as far as getting emergency treatment if you injure yourself goes. Please note, last month’s breaking bones advisory (which we may have omitted to tell you about) is still in place. The planets are conspiring to ensure that the speed with which medical treatment is available to Libra for any stupidly inflicted injury is the best it’s been since records began.

‘Are you ready for the next step in your life?’ ‘There’s no i in team’ and ‘Start your journey by pressing the Go button’, are all motivational thoughts a self professed guru is likely to offer you this month in some misguided attempt at reassuring you. Jupiter says don’t listen.

Jupiter is about to take you under her wing.

Avoid apparently knowledgeable motivators who claim that life is like a bowl of soup, especially if it is chicken soup as that is almost definitely some sort of copyright infringement.

Plastic packaging which can only be opened using considerable dexterity, sharp knifes or scissors, or a physics degree module on mould packagings, are set to pepper this month with moments of frustration.

Comfy chairs are about to become up to ten times more comfortable this month as planet Mars transects the plain with no name. Plan for sheer decadent pleasure in cushions, bean bags and pillows until the mid year marker, too.

Heimlich Maneuvers will be successful only 45.65% of the time this month, up from 45.64% average for last year.

Your attempts to dress street-smart this month will invariably tend towards ‘Gaddafi’, or ‘Bugs Bunny’ on the fashion scale as your seemingly self determined clothing choices come under the influence of a conjuncting Saturn.

Favor up rather than down on any escalator or moving staircase, especially if you have just overdone the free alcohol, or chocolate, samples in a supermarket or some sort of new trendy boutique.

You are about to meet your double this month in a bizarre coincidence involving carpeting.

Favor comic book heroes with whips seamlessly incorporated into their costumes until well into the August silly season.

Pop songs in the charts that have a clean radio version but have a very naughty word in the original lyrics if you look it up on Youtube.

the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408

31

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With Indian food now, according to polls, more popular than the more traditional fish and chips, we thought it was about time we asked our friends at Saffron Indian restauarnat in Gran Alacant to give us something to cook at home, and then go on down to Saffron and see how yours compares! I did, and ok, his was tatstier than mine, we had a good chat about it and the next one was even better.

Eat on and enjoy…

Fancy an Indian?Try it for 3 Things you didn’t know about: Indian Food & Spices 1. Turmeric has a peppery, warm and bitter flavour and a mild fragrance slightly

yourself with Saffron’s special recipe.

reminiscent of orange and ginger, and while it is best known as one of the ingredients used to make curry, it has been widely used both by the Indians and the Chinese for medicinal purposes. i.e. as an anti-inflammatory and slowing the growth of cancer cells

2. Vindaloo is an Indian curry dish from the region of Goa. It is popular globally in its Anglo-Indian form as a staple of curry house menus, often renowned as a particularly spicy dish, though it is not necessarily always the hottest available. The name Vindaloo is derived from the Portuguese dish “Carne de Vinha d’ Alhos”, which is a dish of meat, usually pork, with wine and garlic. The dish was originally modified in Mumbai by the substitution of vinegar for the wine, and the addition of red Kashmir chillies (not as spicy but abundant in colour). The dish evolved into the vindaloo curry dish in Goa, with the addition of plentiful amounts of traditional spice and using palm vinegar instead of red wine.

3. Saffron, although a costly spice, is widely used in the Indian Sub-continent in a vast range of dishes - in particular rice and sweets. Saffron is the slender, dried, reddish-brown, flattened stigma of a flower of the iris family. It has a characteristic aromatic odour and a peculiar, exotic, bitter taste. It takes almost 100,000 hand-picked blooms to obtain just one Kilogram of dried saffron! The spice is called Azafrán in Spanish, is grown and widely used here in Spain. It is this Indo-Spanish Connection that led us to call our restaurant Saffron!

Tandoori Chicken Ingredients: 1 kg chicken (thighs & drumsticks intact) 1 tbsp lemon juice 1 tsp red food colour 1 tbsp red chilli powder 2 tsp coriander/Cilantro (finely chopped) 1 tbsp cumin powder 1 and 1/4 cup plain yogurt 1 tbsp fresh ginger grated 1 tsp garlic paste 2 tbsp cooking oil & 2 tbsp butter Salt to taste Method: 1. Remove the skin from chicken pieces and cut them lengthwise 2. Mix lemon juice, cooking oil, food colouring, salt, chilli powder, cumin powder, and coriander in a bowl and brush the chicken pieces evenly to coat 3. Mix yogurt, ginger and garlic in a separate bowl and apply to the chicken pieces.

4. Marinate the pieces in refrigerator turning pieces occasionally for 4-6 hours and let them at room temperature one hour before cooking.

5. Preheat the oven to 500 degrees F and place the chicken in single layer in a greased shallow baking pan.

6. Brush chicken with 1 tbsp of butter and grill for 12 minutes.

7. Turn pieces over, brush with remaining butter and continue grilling until chicken is cooked through and tender (about 15 minutes).

8. Serve hot with fresh coriander on it.

Alternatively the chicken can also be cooked over a barbeque grill with the occasional turning and basting with the butter.

the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408

33

34

contact us on ask@thejungledrums.com

Two friends are fishing near a bridge.

Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.

When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.

His mate turns to him and says, “ Dave, that’s one of the nicest most respectful things I’ve ever seen “ Dave replies, “ Well we were married for nearly 20 years “

my door at r knocked on that you believe My neighbou n orning, ca m is th am 2:30 playing my 2:30am?!

I was still up m hi r fo ily Luck Bagpipes.

Man calls 999 and says “I think my wife is dead” The operator says ‘‘how do you know?’’

He says “The sex is the same but the ironing is last e m r fo e per cam building up!’’ e Grim Rea ha

Th f wit beat him of night, and I r. ne vacuum clea with death about Dyson Blimey, talk

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!

At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse. opposite a this morning n ai tr e th I sat on get ai girl. ease don’t stunning Th to myself, pl ng ki ec in er th I kept n’t get an , please do an erection tion... but she did.

Spent £40 on eBay last week for a penis enlarger.

Just opened it and some lic ho co sod’s t al about the fa Did you hear sent me a ? ink and transvestite was eat, dr do to d te magnifying All he wan be Mar y. glass!

Paddy says “Mick, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador.”

“Don’t!” says Mick “have you seen how many of their owners go blind”

I’ve just had a letter back from Screwfix.

They said they regretted to inform me that they’re not actually a dating agency

A man walks into a welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer.

The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him...”Where are you from?

You sound English”, “I’m from across the Severn,” replies the man nervously.

“What do you do, just across the Severn?”, “I’m a taxidermist.”

“What on earth is one of those?”, “I mount animals.”

“Its alright boys,” shouts the barman he’s one of us.

Went for m y routine check up today and everything s eemed to be going fine until he stu ck his index finger up my backside!

Do you th ink I shou ld change d entists?

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.

I said “You’re pulling my leg”

is being An old lady y the Dr. examined b ve you He asks ha edridever been b den? s I have she says ye en table and I’ve be backskutended and imes too tled a few t

THE CHEAPEST ADVERTISING ON THE COSTA !!- TEL 606 540 408

35

DOGS IN TOGS

- SLICK OR SICK?

Meet Gucci the designer dog, who likes nothing more than to sit in his pooch-chair wearing his latest snazzy outfit. At least, that’s what his owners Ann and Brian Lewis reckon.

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but the Lewises insist their 11-year old Yorkshire terrier-poodle crossbred (a yorkie doodle to those in the know) adores being a mannequin mutt. ‘’He absolutely loves being dressed up,’’ says Ann, from Catral. ‘’He’s got loads of different costumes which even include a Father Christmas outfit and a sheepskin jacket.’’

When The Jungle Drums caught up with him on Sunday, Gucci wasn’t exactly at his most ostentatious - but his white bonnet still raised a few eyebrows amongst Mother’s Day diners at Ricardo’s in El Raso. ‘’Ahhh... he looks so cute,’’ enthused one woman.

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email:alacant@martinezandballester.com Mob. 696 289 407

‘’It looks ridiculous,’’ retorted another. ‘’It’s not natural. Dogs aren’t meant to wear clothes.’’

In Gucci’s case, the dressing-up theme seems to run in the family because Ann, who is originally from Blackwood in South Wales, was a prize-winning singer in the UK whose biggest success was her Tina Turner tribute act.

Meanwhile, Gucci - who also enjoys a ride in his own official pet stroller - is hoping to parade his latest outfit on the local catwalk (sorry, dogwalk) very soon...

Endearing or sickening? What’s your take on dressing up pets? Write to us at Jd: ask@thejungledrums.com

36

contact us on ask@thejungledrums.com

Law? s ’ y h p r u M Hondon de Las Nieves

The little shop with a

BIG HEART

Opening hours Mon 10 till 14.00 Tuesday to Friday 10 till 14.00 & 17.00 till 19.00 Saturday 10 till 14.00 Sunday 10 till 13.30

Daily newspapers Fri, Sat & Sun in store

Tel/Fax 965 480718

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

New !

Mexican Range instore Selection of golf accesories in store

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you’ll have to pee.

Now an outlet for Quicksave & Johnsons

Large selection of dry & frozen Dutch products

Calle Nueva 7 Hondon de Las Nieves

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

13. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

THE CHEAPEST ADVERTISING ON THE COSTA !!- TEL 97 672 7334

37

This is Spain

Exhibitions

The Spring event of This Is Spain Exhibitions on the Costa Blanca South will be held at the Hotel La Zenia, Orihuela Costa, along the N332. The hotel is situated off the La Zenia roundabout, on the beach front, with easy access from the AP7 and the N332.

The event will take place over the weekend of 27th, 28th and 29th of May, between the hours of 10am and 6pm. There is ample car parking within the area.

38

STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

Show

wcase for Local Businesses

27, 28, 29 May - Hotel La Zenia

The main sponsors of the event will be Female Focus, Costa Blanca News, The Post, AngloINFO, Costa Blanca Free Ads and The Courier, Pocket Pages and

leaflets, which will be placed in carrier bags and given to the public at the reception area, for 25 euros if you are an exhibitor or 50 euros should you not be taking a stand.

Jungle Drums. It will also be well publicized within the Dutch, German and Scandinavian communities as well as in 50,000 leaflets that will be distributed within the surrounding area. TKO and other media will also be promoting it.

As well as all the stands that you would expect to find at one of our exhibitions, there will be charities such as Utopia Cats and The Butterfly Children. New products and opportunities are always available and wel-

If you would like to promote your

come. There will also be an extensive range of entertainment provided by

business within these leaflets, it will be necessary to provide your copy by Friday 29th April and these will be distributed nearer to the time of the exhibition. Should you not wish to

Elite Entertainment.

take a stand it is still possible to take advantage of this opportunity.

Spain Exhibitions events.

den, schools, pools and much more already showing interest.

For more information, and to book your stand, call Christine Roche on 699 549 261 or 965 632 835 or email her at info@ exhibitions-spain.com. Also, see the website at www.exhibitions-spain.com for regular updates.

This is Spain

Exhibitions

Included in the 1 euro entry fee will be a free ticket for the Grand Raffle, always a popular event at the This Is

Bookings are now being taken, with It will also be possible to promote your business with your own leaflets at the exhibition. We are able to offer a service of distributing 1500

businesses such as financial services, satellite television, heating systems, estate agents, double glazing, health and beauty, home and gar-

contact us on ask@thejungledrums.com

39

MABS

fundraising raffle at the event

TICKETS AVAILABLE FROM: Jungle Drums/The Courier office PROCOMOBEL FURNITURE SHOP - next to the N332/Lemon Tree junction GUARDAMAR - 96 672 6437 AND: Sarai Stationary shop at the GA commercial centre

A woman’s place....

Women tell lies...

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Af-

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while

ghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that

-

women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, ‘Why

with sapphires.

do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so seamstress replied, ‘No.’

desperately to change?’

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.

‘Is this your thimble?’ the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, ‘No.’ a leather thimble.

went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking riverbank, and her husband fell into the river cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked fallen into the river!’

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. ‘Is this your husband?’ the Lord asked.

-

The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, “Land mines.”

Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak or where you go): -

BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE’S A SMART WOMAN (OR MAYBE THREE!)

see, if I had said ‘no’ to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

doctor, doctor

Then if I said ‘no’ to him, you would have come

A woman went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The moral of this story is: interest of others. That’s our it !

The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. “What the hell is the matter with you?!” the older doctor demanded. “ Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, “Does she still have the hiccups?”

Hmmm...

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so

dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her.

She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

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MOUNTAIN VIEW

CAT HOTEL

Hondon de las Nieves/Frailes Centrally heated houses with large indiviudual runs.

Love and care will be lavished during your cat’s stay My 29 years of experience in animal and veterinary care will give you peace of mind.

STILL ONLY €6.00 per day to visit book/call: Carol or Paul 966 677 273 answerphone - we will call back Mobile 654 155 473

www.mountainviewcathotel.webs.com

HAIR & BEAUTY

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Internet business Gran Alacant Urb Sierra mar

Call 690 652 894

44

Friday, April 29, 2011

AWNINGS

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES

BAR 4 SALE Local Spanish & English Bar Well Known 100,000€ Call 679 096 309

THE SPIRITUALIST CHURCH, QUESADA Meets at Sociedad Compas, 14 Calle de Toledo, Quesada. We hold a Sunday Service at 11.30 a.m., a Tuesday Evening of Mediumship at 7.30 p.m.

And every Thursday there is an Open Circle where you can develop your skills commencing at 7.30 p.m.

Spiritual healing is available every Sunday and Tuesday after the service. Jackie Lewis will take the Divine Service on Sunday, 1st May. There will be an Evening of Mediumship with Morag Bullock on Tuesday, 3rd May, followed by a Divine Service with Deanna Sparks on Sunday 8th May. Everybody welcome.

Contact Wendy on 965323028. (11)

FOR SALE Kymco Zing 125cc chopper style motorbike for sale.

Year 2000, ITV until 2013, 5707 Kms with 2 helmets, lock, jacket. Only 700 euros.

622 208 934 (11) BH Bikes Spirit carbon framed racing bike. Almost new. Shimano 105 gears and components. Large adult frame. 300 euros. 622 208 934 (11)

FURNITURE

CAR MECHANICS

conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 06, A Beautiful town centre apartment conveniently situated in Torrevieja close to town centre amenities and a short walk to the beautiful sandy beaches.

Short or long term rental available.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 78, South facing 3 bedroomed property situated injardin Del Mar VII, with communal pool nearby.

Close to amenities. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 52 (Long Term Only) Three bedroom 2nd floor terrace house in Aguas Nuevas. The property benefits from large lounge, fully fitted kitchen and a downstairs shower room.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11)

PROPERTY FOR SALE

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly. Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational. Sunday services 11:00am. Children’s Church 11:00am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11:00am. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome 966 799 273 // 660 127 276.

PROPERTY FOR RENT

Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: or Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 64, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment. Located in the very popular area of Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated

Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles.

It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 520, €105,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 510, €79,999.

Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 146, €85,000. Three bedroom Two bathroom quad house in Dream Hills.

Off road parking on the front driveway with gates that can be padlocked for security.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11) Ref: 527, €195,000. Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, on a large plot, located in San Luis, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (11)

SECURITY

WANTED

SOLAR

REMOVALS

SPORTS EQUIPMENT

SATTILLITE

ADVERTISE HERE FOR A FIVER!

WIG SPECIALISTS SALON MARGARETHAS 23 years in Torrevieja, Hair/Wig Specialist for Medical Illness & Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural & Artificial Hair and much more also fashion/festival accessories. TV/TS are welcome to our service. Call Margaretha on 966 921 846 or call into Salon Margarethas in Torrevieja (14)

BUSINESS DIRECTORY AIR CONDITIONING

CONVEYANCING

MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 112 0244 ALBERGUE Bacarot Tel 96 596 0224

BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 DENTURES DIRECT Gran alacant Tel. 619 185 122

CARDS & MORE

SANTA POLA DIVE ACADEMY Santa Pola Tel. 96 541 4510

ANIMAL RESCUE

BOOKS

DENTAL

DIVING

La Marina Tel. 96 679 0954 LA MARINA ANIMAL WELFARE La Marina Tel 96 679 5593

BUILDING / MAINTENANCE CANDELA CHIMNEYS Elche Tel. 649 039 351 CLIVE COOMBER Gran Alacant Tel 669 593 212 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040 CHRIS SLADDEN All Areas Tel. 686 635 860 LEVELEDGE PLASTERING All Areas Tel. 965 480 579

BUSINESS ASSOCIATIONS TIBA All Areas Tel. 902 906 015

CAR HIRE XTRA RENT A CAR Santa Pola Tel 619 726 480

CARPENTRY MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

CAR REPAIRS JOCK O’DONNELL All Areas Tel. 638 461 690 RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 PERFORMANCE & DIESEL Guardamar Tel. 96 610 7606

CAR SALES FWR CARS El Altet Tel. 96 568 7976 RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 COCHES GUARDAMAR La Marina Tel. 646 763 645

CAR TRANSFERS MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

DOCTORS CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 7411 EMERGENCY Tel 608 666 455 ELECTRICIANS/ELECTRONIC

CCW ELECTRICAL Gran Alacant Tel 617 872 405 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040 ENTERTAINMENT

BOXING Elhe Tel. 607 360 963 FLAMENCO - LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399

ESTATE AGENTS AT HOME Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5289 IPG La Marina Tel. 96 679 5233 MASA INTERNATIONAL Gran Alacant Tel. 629 251 747 THANSA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7717 TOP ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7357 VICTORIA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7779

FARMACIAS FARMACIA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7471

FISCAL ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

FURNITURE COMPLETE UPHOLSTERY All Areas Tel. 96 569 9305 NEW 2 YOU Dolores Tel. 96 571 5608 SECOND HAND FURNITURE La Marina Tel. 96 644 3370

HAIRDRESSING FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031

HEALTH & BEAUTY COMPUTERS BLUE MOON SOLUTIONS All Areas Tel. 655 044 970 SPANISH INKS All Areas www.spanishink.com

BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031 RICHARD DRAPER FITNESS All Areas Tel. 96 112 9157

YOUR CUSTOMERS ARE GETTING IT...

POSTAL

HEARING CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 802

EASYPOST All Areas Tel. 96 672 0959

PUBLICITY

HEATING REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

THE JUNGLE DRUMS All Areas Tel. 96 672 6437

REMOVALS

HOUSEHOLD SERVICES CAR BOOT SALES Hondon Nieves Tel. 677389743 MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319

ADVANCE MOVES All Areas Tel. 96 865 4667 MISTER VAN All Areas Tel. 697 775 588 TRUCK IT All Areas Tel. 96 644 1779 TSI All Areas Tel. 96 679 5842

INSURANCE ALMARCHA INSURANCE La Marina Tel. 96 572 9747 ROWLAND INSURANCE Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3076 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

RESTAURANTS

COCOA’S Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8509 LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399 SAFFRON INNDIAN REST. Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8098 TIMES SQUARE Gran Alacant Tel. 963 144 033

KENNELS LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 618 283

SHOES SALVADOR ARTESANO Elche Tel. 96 546 84 39 SOLICITORS

MORTGAGES MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

PELLICER HEREDIA Alicante/Hondon + Tel. 96548 0737

MOSQUITO NETS MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319

SUNBLINDS TOLDOS PENALVER Santa Pola Tel. 96 543 2350

NATURE

SUPERMARKETS

MALCOLM PALMER Santa Pola Tel 96 608 2454

AJ’s Hondon Nieves Tel. 96 548 0718 SWIMMING POOL (MAINTAINANCE)

GA POOLS Gran Alacant Tel 628 030 184 PJ’s All Areas Tel 619 501 657

OPTICIANS CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel 966 698 802 SPECSAVERS Torrevieja Tel. 96 692 7249

SWIMMING POOL (CONSTRUCTION)

REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

PAINTERS / DECORATORS

TAX ADVICE ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

PETS

TOBACCO

CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 2328 LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax Tel 96 618 2838 MOUNTAIN VIEW CAT HOTEL Hondon Tel. 96 667 7273

BAILE Santa Pola Tel. 629 659 074

TRANSLATORS ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MITCH BULL Gran Alacant Tel. 638 608 422 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781 GRAN ALACANT TV Santa Pola Tel. 677 878 210

PLUMBERS

DMF PLUMBING All Areas Tel. 96 679 9740 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

TV DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel: 660 631 380

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office@thecourier.es Tel. 96 672 6437

your No.1choice!

Coches Guardamar

We are the Costa Blanca’s leading car specialists

6,290€ Mitsubishi colt 2004 44,000km only Petrol 1.4 1 owner

Kia Picanto 2004 67,000 1 owner, perfect condition, small runaround

Red renult Magane: , 1.6 hatchback, good condition, economic run around

Seat Ibiza Aug 2004 FSH, 1 owner, small 5 door, alloys

Silver Renult Espace:, 2001, 105,000km. 2L petrol, 7 seats, good condition

Daewoo Matiz 2003 5 door, PAS, A/C Small Economical Runaround

6,290€

Ford fiesta Auto Diesel 2005 84,000km

7,690€

Blue Renult Magane estate diesel great condition

5,999€

7,690€ Citroen C3 2004 HDi, Diesel, 80,000 kms Good Condition

6,590€

choice of 3 Ford Focus All diesels, manual-estate-saloon 2003-2006

3,190€

5,999€ Mercedes A140 SemiAuto LWB, FSH 2001 108,000km

from 6,390€ -7,999€

5,690€

3,590€

Kia 7 seater Auto Diesel, A/C 2001 136,000km

4999€

Renault Clio 2000, 56,000km

3,699€

5,390€

Renault Megane priv auto 2002 FSH 1 owner, good condition

Ford Fiesta Diesel 2001 excellent condition

Honda CRV FSH Low milage

DISABLED MODOFICATIONS NOW AVAILABLE ON ALL CARS

All cars include a new ITV, 1 years warranty & document transfer

Call:

646 763 645

SERVICES WE OFFER

Servicing - Mechanical Repairs - Pre ITV Body Repairs Tyres - Exhausts - Batteries - Air Con Regassing Document/Registration Transfers

A professional service you can trust TO

Opening Times

Mon - Fri: 10.00-6.00pm Sat: 10.00-2.00pm Later by appointment only

LA

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LA MARINA VILLAGE

IN

A

VI

off the N332 - Direction Alicante

LL

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NEW

ALICANTE LIDL

N332 Mercadona

GUARDAMAR

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