Edition 257 by TKO UK

VALUE YOUR BUSINESS

If you run a company or you’re a self-employed tradesman (or woman!), then you’ve got to get yourself noticed, and that means getting your message over in the brand new Courier Business Directory. It’s the perfect way of telling everybody what you do and how you do in a newspaper that people read as it’s crammed full of local news, sport, and features. Quality Matters! so climb on board to have a great 2016!

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Friday6th 30th October 2016 Friday November 2015 Friday 5th February

LIGHT IN THE TUNNEL

ALEX TRELINSKI

Hope For Emergency Centre Finish

he green light is set to be given for the completion of the Orihuela Costa’s emergency centre at La Zenia according to the Socialist PSOE opposition leader on Orihuela council, Carolina Gracia. Leading regional PSOE figures meeting in Orihuela Cityon Monday also slammed Orihuela’s Partido Popular mayor, Emilio Bascuñana, for not being proactive enough with the regional government in getting things done for the area. Work on the new emergency centre which was scheduled to house local police, firefighters and ambulance service started in 2010 on a site next to the Consum supermarket in La Zenia,but construction was stopped when the builder went bankrupt just months later, leading to nearly five years of inactivity. A protest at the site in December called on Bascuñana to

lobby the SocialistCompromis led Valencian government coalition to retender the project, but the mayor claimed that he had been told that two million euros earmarked for the centre had been transferred for other uses, after it laid “unclaimed” for three years. Carolina Gracia, along with Alicante Province PSOE General Secretary David Cerda and PSOE deputy in

the Valencian Parliament, Manuel Pineda (pictured on the right) said that the regional government had already got the ball rolling on getting the finances together for the Emergency Centre to be completed, though no indication of a timescale was given for when this would happen or when a tender would be advertised. David Cerda said that Emilio Bascuñana had to

acknowledge that there isn’t a Partido Popular government in Valencia for the first time in over 20 years, and that he ought to use it as an opportunity to talk to it to get a better deal for the Orihuela area. Cerda added that the left-of-centre regional coalition had plans to boost jobs across the Vega Baja region with new laws planned to help farmers and fishermen as well.

News

Friday 5th February 2016

Your Bigger, Bolder, Brighter Courier Telephone 966 921 003

Email office@thecourier.es

A Warm Start To 2016

It won’t come as a surprise to many people that January was the warmest opening month of the year in the Valencia region since 1955, with average temperatures at 10.5 degrees, some two point seven more than nor-

Bricks Of Recovery

mal. Rainfall was also well below average. It was an identical picture for the Murcia region with the figures being the best for half a century, with only 1955 and 1941 being warmer in modern recorded history.

Play Away

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Editor Alex Trelinski

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Grumpy youngsters waiting for their flights at Alicante-Elche airport have a new distraction that will please their parents. The 65 square metre area is in the departure zone and is

themed around two of Hans Christian Andersen’s most famous stories, namely The Ugly Duckling and The Little Mermaid. The new facility is suitable for young children up to the age of six.

Three Spaniards and a Moroccan have been arrested and accused of stealing cars and running an illegal workshop in Elche. The National Police said the vehicles would be stolen in the

Murcia City area and then moved to sites around Elche where they would be stripped and scrapped, with the parts being sold abroad. Three vehicles and a shotgun were impounded.

Scrap Gang

Advertising Sales 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es

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Writers Alex Trelinski Mark Nolan Jeanette Erath Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor Ivie Davies Nicola Cross

Money Quiz The trial of a lawyer, who allegedly swindled over 330 thousand euros for a house purchase, has begun in Elche. Prosecutors have called for a four year jail sentence plus full compensation of 330 thousand euros (plus

interest) if the Alicante Bar Association member is found guilty of not having handed over the money. The allegations concern a property on the La Fiesta urbanisation in Rojales back in 2004 and 2005.

Alicante Province is leading the way in the new housing revival, with just over four thousand units built last year, compared to under three thousand in 2014 according to the Alicante branch of the Architects and Builders association(Coaatiea). The raw figures put the construction industry in better shape than it was in 2009, but still well behind the last of the "boom years" when over eight thousand new builds appeared in 2008. The statistics for Alicante Province are some 12 percent over the national average. The OrihuelaCosta is in the vanguard with 980 homes built last year, a 40 percent increase on the 2014 figures, whilst Torrevieja had 527 new homes which was similar to the returns for 2014. Pilar de la Horadada saw

485 homes built last year, up 33 percent on 2014, whilst the Rojales area had 259 new units, a big 70 percent leap on the previous year. The four mentioned municipalities accounted for 56 percent of all the new builds in Alicante Province last year. Earlier this week, Orihuela Council announced the granting of licenses for the building of 250 apartments on the Orihuela Costa, 195 of which will be in Cabo Roig. Overall 2015 was a good year for the whole of the Spanish property market, with investment in the sector jumping 67 percent year-on-year, as the weak euro combined with improving market conditions to woo overseas buyers. Transactions totalled €11,700 million, according to BNP Paribas Real Estate, not only significant-

ly higher than 2014, but also 25 percent more than the figures recorded in the years before the housing crisis. Meanwhile the economy grew by three point two percent in 2015, according to figures published by Spain's Statistical Office (INE). This figure is the best since 2007 and it is more than twofold the economic growth of a year earlier. Spain's economy has been growing for two consecutive years growing by one point four percent in 2014. Consumer prices fell by nought point three percent in January when compared with the same month of a year earlier, according to the INE. On a month-to-month basis, prices fell by one point nine percent, due mostly to the winter sales period when prices dropped significantly due to discounts.

Fine Time Barely one percent of motorists in Spain take the time and trouble to appeal against any road fines according to figures for 2015 released by the General Directorate of Traffic (DGT). Two point three percent of fines were challenged in 2011, the number was halved last year, producing a raw figure

of 49 thousand actions. Of those, only ten percent were successful in getting an average reduction of 12 percent on the initial penalty. It’s believed that the 50 percent discount on promptly paying a fine has led to the reduction of appeals, many of which can be a long drawn out process, with a minimal chance of

success. On the other hand, the DGT has reported that there are more than two million unpaid fines outstanding up to the end of last November, with over 900 thousand of them across the Valencia region for such offences as speeding; not wearing a seat belt; or drink/drug driving.

Publication Published by TKO Media and Entertainment S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 188 - 2014 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for any readers letters or claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features. Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or nonappearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

News

Friday 5th February 2016

Record Breaker

Manic May The Manic Street Preachers, are to headline this May’s SOS festival in Murcia City’s La Fica fairground on May 6th and 7th. The event last year featured Morrissey and new trio Years & Years, the Manic come some 20 years after the release of their multi-selling “Everything Must Go” album, which included the massive single “If You Tolerate This, Then Your Children Will Be Next” with the title taken from George Orwell’s reports on the Spanish Civil War.

Militant group Al Shabaab leading suspect in Somalia plane blast: U.S. government sources. California Mortgage Rates Take Huge Dip3.01% APR. Pressure mounts on North Korea to abandon rocket launch.

Sour Note

Spain received 68.1 million tourists in 2015, setting a new record with an increase of four point nine percent cent on the previous year, according to the National Statistics Institute (INE), with the Valencia region including the Costa Blanca, greeting six and a half million visitors. The INE says the number of tourists visiting Spain during December 2015 went up by seven point six per cent to hit three point four million visitors, whilst the

Valencia region had 371 thousand visitors, a bumper rise of over 11 percent over the year. The tourists who visited Spain in 2015 were mainly from the United Kingdom with 15.7 million (a rise of four point five percent) and France with 11.5 million (an increase of eight point nine percent). On the other hand, the number of tourists coming from Germany was 10.3 million visitors (a decrease by one point two percent).

Catalunya was the main destination in 2015 with 17.4 million tourists (an increase of three point seven percent compared with 2014), followed by the Balearic Islands with 11.7 million (a rise of two point seven percent) and the Canary Islands with 11.6 million visitors (an increase of one percent). Tourism is a major source of income for the Spanish economy and accounts for 11 percent of Gross Domestic Product according to INE.

Organisers of Torrevieja’s annual Electromar Music Festival are set to look elsewhere as they accused the city’s culture department of showing little interest in hosting the event which is

regarded as one of Spain’s leading electronic music gatherings. Last July’s eighth staging of the festival attracted around ten thousand people to the Antonio Soria park.

Bumpy End

ing at midday when the accident happened on the runaway but emergency services reported that the Brits emerged unscathed and needed no medical attention. No identities or details about them were released.

Lighting Up

One of the gang members had a chemistry degree and ran his own lab in Alicante producing "made to order" drugs with ingredients provided by the organisation with the Alicante and Murcia areas focusing on anabolic steroids. Some of the materials were brought in from China, Bulgaria, and Portugal.

Egyptian appeals court overturned 149 death sentences. U.N. halts Syria talks as government closes in on Aleppo.

Environmental groups sue to stop federal killings of wolves in Oregon.

Two British flyers had an unplanned end to their journey last Saturday when their plane crashed at the Los Martínez del Puerto airfield located halfway between Corvera and Roldan in Murcia. The aircraft was land-

kilos of various substances were seized along with 70 thousand doses of banned drugs. The operation started last year when a big bunch of drugs bound for Spain were intercepted in Belgium, and authorities started to unravel a complex network of hidden laboratories and distribution networks in the country.

President Obama tells American Muslims: 'You fit in here'.

Churches offer sanctuary as U.N. criticises Australian asylum policy.

Breaking Bad

A gang that distributed anabolic steroids and other drugs to be used by athletes and body builders has been arrested in a series of swoops by the Guardia Civil and the National Police. 17 were arrested in Alicante Province and eight in Murcia, in addition to 13 in the Malaga area under Operation Mazinger which started a year ago. 120

Italian student missing in Egypt likely dead: Italian foreign ministry.

Britain pledges £1.2 billion in aid for Syria and neighbours. North Korea's mobile missile launcher seen moving. Number of reported antiSemitic incidents in Britain falls. Severe weather threatens tornadoes, floods along U.S. Atlantic Coast. Architect Zaha Hadid awarded Britain's Royal Gold Medal.

Eight Murcia region municipalities, including San Javier, are to get energy efficient LED street lighting thanks to grants from the European Union, A total of 40 thousand

lights will be replaced across the region with San Javier also set to get three million euros of European money for improvements to electrical power lines in the area,

Study finds that for men over 40, certain exercise speeds aging & causes weight gain. Angola rebel chief's children in court to sue 'Call of Duty' maker.

Chopper Call

Friday 5th February 2016

Keep It Legal

Use It Or Lose It

A firefighter who was climbing the peak of the Sierra de Redován with a colleague on Monday had to be rescued after losing his footing and suffering a fall that dislocated his shoulder. A call to the local police saw the arrival of the emergency helicopter which flew him out to hospital.

Power Down The average cost of domestic electricity dropped by 11 percent in January compared to tariffs for December, according to figures released by the Comisión Nacional de los Mercados y la Competencia . On a year to year basis tariffs saw a fall of 14 and a half percent from January 2015 to last month, with wholesale tariff falls and the greater use of wind power being attributed as the reason.

Dodgy Post

Murcia's tourism minister, Juan Hernandez, has declared war on "illegal tourism" as part of the region's tourism inspection plan for 2016. Hernandez says that a major push will be made against unregistered accommodation being let for holiday makers be it apartments or hotels, in addition to illegal caravan sites and camping areas, where taxes are not being paid. Inspections are set to increase by around 40 per cent this year. Meanwhile, Murcia's tourist director, Manuel Fernández-Delgado, says that he's in the middle of discussions with municipalities around the Mar Menor area

to curb the numbers of illegally parked camper vans around local beaches. Talks have taken place with the San Pedro del Pinatar, Los Alcázares and San Javier councils as well as with the Murcia Camping Association to reduce the number of unauthorised sites. Fernández-Delgado said that San Javier council had been especially proactive in this regard meeting camping and motor-home representatives in addition to producing leaflets in five languages about where people can legally park in addition to the local police enforcing a new ordnance over illegal camping in public places.

Torrevieja council has lost 359 thousand euros of grant money for improving street lighting in the Rocío del Mar and Cala Dorada areas of the city because it says it did not have time to advertise and award a tender before the deadline of December 31st last year. Mayor Jose Manuel Dolon wrote to Alicante Provincial Council last month saying they could not use the money, which was offered in October, as they didn't have enough time to go through the appropriate procedures. The coalition council has been criticised by the opposition Partido Popular for missing out on a number of key grants in recent weeks, including half a million euros for a new disabled centre.

expats aware that they will have a say in the EU referendum – provided they register to vote in good time. Manley said: - “Interest among expats in the EU referendum is high, but awareness that you may be able to vote is low. We want as many expats as possible to be aware that they can have their say. You can register to vote in a few minutes via the

government website www.gov.uk - and do encourage your friends, family and colleagues to do the same.” Postal ballot papers will be despatched about a month ahead of the referendum - earlier than for the General Election last year - giving overseas voters more time to receive, complete, and return their ballot pack to the UK.

Franco Dumped

Hot Doggy

A man who tried to send 14 kilos of drugs to Denmark via a Daya Nueva courier company has been sentenced to six years in jail by an Alicante court. The National Police raided his home in March last year and besides discovering a variety of drugs, they found documents including proof of postage paid relating to a Danishbound parcel which made them suspicious. The police then went to Daya Nueva and found the package still waiting to be sent.

The Lost Dosh

British ex-pats living in Spain are being reminded that so long as they have been on the UK electoral roll within the last 15 years, then they can register to vote in the forthcoming referendum on British membership of the European Union, whenever that vote takes place This week the British Ambassador in Madrid, Simon Manley launched a major campaign to make

A female dog on heat really turned up the temperature in an Asturias region apartment by accidentally switching on a cooker ring and causing a fire, as she pined for her male doggy friend in another room. The amorous bull terrier apparently rose on her hind legs and hit the knob on the cooker which then got the hob ring work-

ing. Fortunately the couple were at home and were alerted to something nasty in the kitchen with the stench of burning plastic hitting their nostrils in the front room. They used an extinguisher to put the blaze out and the female terrier was unharmed and probably happy to be reunited with her male friend.

Dolon Has No Concerns

Torrevieja mayor, Jose Manuel Dolon, says that he hopes there will be no delays to a big development for the Acequión beach area of the city, which is scheduled to be done by the state water company Acuamed, which is currently the subject of a corruption investigation.Approval was granted for the work by the Coastal Provincial Service and then rubber

stamped by the General Directorate of Public Works after changes were made last autumn to two planned walkways to minimise any environmental impact on the beach. Dolon said that he had written to Acuamed and was awaiting details of timetables, adding that he hoped work would begin in the late summer, and that there was no cause for concern.

30 Madrid city streets and plazas dedicated to dictator General Franco and his supporters are to be renamed after a vote taken by Madrid city council, over 40 years after the death of the fascist dictator. The names will be replaced by people who were victims of terrorism. Madrid City Council, which is run by Ahora Madrid, a

left-wing coalition, has promised in recent months to comply with the 2007 Historical Memory law, which included an official condemnation of the Franco regime as well as the removal of Francoist symbols from public buildings and spaces. Despite the law being passed eight years ago, the previous Partido

Pedro Sanchez of the PSOE Socialists has been asked by King Felipe VI to try to form a government, after December's inconclusive polls. His party came second but acting Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy was unable to form a coalition after failing to secure a parliamentary majority.Two new parties, the radical left Podemos and the mainly centrist Ciudadanos, made big gains in the December

vote.Along with smaller regional parties, they hold the balance of power. Announcing his acceptance on Tuesday, Mr Sanchez said talks would begin the following day with all parties on forming a coalition to create a "stable government backed by constitutional forces". It would be a government of change, he said, that was "progressive and reformist", which certainly

Popular-led council had not removed the Francoist signs before they lost power last May. Madrid's Culture and Sport councillor said that the history from the department of Complutense University was already working on the plans for the new street names which ought to be ready by the end of April.

Pedro’s Big Shot At Government

appeared to suggest that Rajoy's Partido Popular was unlikely to be invited. A PSOE spokesman said on Wednesday that talks would be conducted in an "immediate, public and transparent manner". Last month, Mr Rajoy turned down an offer by King Felipe to be the first candidate to try to form a government, saying he did not have the support to win a confidence vote in parliament.

News

Friday 5th February 2016

Eco Battle Santa Pola council say they’ve been as ecologically friendly as possible in trying to deal with processionary caterpillars in the Santa Pola and Gran Alacant areas. Councillor Alejandro Escalada said that harmful chemicals were not used in mass spraying bursts last autumn as they would cause problems to the local flora and fauna, with targeted approaches using bacillus in selective areas which would not harm animals in

addition to using special pheromone traps. Escalada added that the pest is less prevalent in populous parts

Benacazon. Seville, Jerez & Gibraltar. The entry to our hotel has all the charm and opulence of a medieval Moorish Palace. Surrounded by beautifully cultivated gardens and set on the edge of the traditional Andalucian town of Benacazon. The rooms are large and comfortable and provide an excellent base for exploring Spains largest region. A region which more than any other is associated with all things Spanish. 20 minutes drive from the hotel takes us to the capitol of this wonderful region. The delightful city of Sevilla. A city buzzing with the charm, colour and excitement of the Spanish culture. Bright, colourful shops and cafes line the narrow cobbled streets which lead down to Spain’s largest cathedral, here the coffin of Christopher Columbas is borne on the shoulders of 4 Spanish kings. White horses with traditional carriages wait in the shadows of the orange trees, waiting to carry excited visitors to the city through the leafy lanes of the lovely Maria Louisa park, round the fountains of the quaintly tiled plaza España, past the old cigarette factory (now the university) where the Opera Carmen was conceived, and along the broad busy roads bordering the River Guadalquivir to the countries most iconic bullring, the Maenstranza. The list of things to see and do in spectacular Seville is endless. Also not too far from Benacazon is Jerez. Fountains, sherry barrels and Bodegas adorn the city centre. Amongst these bodegas is the impressively large and traditional Tio Pepe Bodega. So large that a visit includes a mini train ride. If you want to enjoy all the traditions of this world famous product, this is the place to do it.

Nearby another face of the Spanish culture beckons us. The Royal School of Equestrian art, charms us with a show which demonstrates all the beauty and harmony of powerful Andalucian Greys performing the most magnificent manoeuvres under the direction of some of the worlds most accomplished horsemen. A day in Jerez is a truly memorable experience. We are not finished yet though. It would be remiss of us while we are in this area, not to visit one of the quaintest and exclusive places in the world. The small British presence on the edge of mainland Spain, the rock of Gibraltar. In many ways a quaint and bizarre experience. Entering the rock involves walking across the airport runway. From the runway you can look up to a very odd site not normally found on British territory – an old Moorish castle. Flying from its turrets, of all things, a Union Jack. Cable cars and taxis climb to the higher parts of the rock where you will encounter the famous Gibraltar monkeys and the massive caves of St Michael. In the main street below the British army guard the governor’s palace, bobbies in traditional helmets patrol the streets, and people pop letters into red post boxes bearing the British crown. The sort of experience not to be found anywhere else in the world. Another memorable day. We think this 5 day excursion offered by Davids’s Coachtrips which includes all excursions is stunning value at only 275€ per person Half board plus wine & water. . Next available date March 7-11. Reservations can be made online at www.coachtripsonline.com or by calling direct to (0034) 966785910.

of the municipality this year, but conceded that there were reports of it in the hilly more deserted area.

Nice One Gus

The Alicante Police Dog Unit has got its biggest ever drug haul since it was created back in 2009. The sniffer dogs have the local bus station very much on their beat, detecting drugs being carried on coaches between Barcelona and the south of Spain, and it was ten and a half kilos of MDMA that was found by Gus the dog last week. It was stashed away in a bag on a coach travelling between Barcelona and Algeciras, with the National Police now trying to find out who the owner of the contents is, as he appeared to do a very quick exit from the station once Gus had struck.

Work Stopped

Unauthorised earthworks have been halted by San Miguel de Salinas council after complaints that ten hectares of woodland was cleared illegally in the Cabezo de La Mina area. The council and the Guardia Civil were called in by the San Miguel Arcángel neighbourhood association and the Asociación de Amigos de Escalonaafter work started in an area that is important for owl nesting as well hosting some rare flora and fauna in addition to being an Iberian archaeological site. The contractor started the project despite going to the town hall initially and being toldthat he needed a license, which the council claim he didn’t apply for.

Out With The Old

News

Friday 5th February 2016

Sharp Exit

Cristina’s Bad Noos

School computers, some of which are up to ten years old, are to be replaced across the Valencia region. Over seven million euros have been budgeted by the regional government for 13 and a half thousand computers to be distributed in an ongoing programme across schools starting this month.

Pilar Pinchers

Two male teenagers were arrested by Pilar de la Horadada local police for robbing a house, stealing a television and jewellery. The incident happened at lunchtime on Tuesday January 26th, and the intruders were identified by a neighbour as well as by the home owner, who had the items returned to him, after the 14 and 17-year-old’s were spotted with the loot on the road carrying it in a blanket.

A car overturned on the RM-19 highway in the San Javier area last Sunday morning but the driver appeared to escape uninjured. The vehicle flipped

onto an adjoining service road at around 11.15 am, with the motorist getting out and running away from the scene, with the Guardia Civil trying to track him down.

Early Favourite

Safer Times

A roundabout is being constructed at a dangerous black spot junction in Redován, en route between Callosa and Orihuela. The project is costing over a quarter of a million euros.

Top Gear

Spain has chosen a largely unknown 32-year old singer-songwriter, Barei, to represent the country at this May’s Eurovision Song Contest in Stockholm. After the state broadcaster RTVE didn’t bother with a public selection process last year and picked a slow ballad that bombed in the competition, they returned to an open vote last Monday featuring viewers and juries,

which chose an up-tempo number sung almost entirely in English called Say Yay, which already has Eurovision fans across the continent predicting that it will do well. The United Kingdom also returns to a public and jury voting system for its entry later this month after a series of hand-picked humiliations in recent years courtesy of BBC executives.

Up But Down

Princess Cristina, the youngest sister of King Felipe VI of Spain, will have to return to the dock with the other 17 defendants of the "Caso Noos" corruption trial on this coming Tuesday, after a final appeal to avoid the trial was rejected by the Provincial Court in Palma de Mallorca. Cristina had tried to avoid standing trial accused of tax avoidance by evoking what is known as the "Botin doctrine." This was established in 2007 when Emilio Botin, the former president of the Banco Santander, was able to avoid trial for fraud because accusations lev-

elled against him came from a private source rather than the Spanish state prosecutor's office or the treasury. Cristina's defence lawyers argued the charges against the princess came from the trade union Manos Limpios (Clean Hands). However, the three judges at the Court in Palma decided last Friday that Manos Limpias did have the right to press charges against the princess. She becomes the first member of the Spanish Royal Family to face charges which could theoretically lead to an eight-year prison sentence.

The Noos case is over the dealings of the Noos Institute, a supposedly non-profit making institution set up by Cristina's husband, Inaki Urdangarin and his partner, Diego Torres. Noos is accused of embezzling over six million euros for organising sporting and social events with some of the money siphoned off through a company called Aizoon of which Cristina and her husband were the directors. Over 360 witnesses have been called to testify and 600 journalists accredited to cover the trial which is expected to last around six months.

The Name Game

The largest city in the Balearic Islands will go back to its old name following a decision in the most recent local council meeting. Officially, the regional capital is known as Palma de

Mallorca, but the coalition council – made up of the socialists, Podemos and leftwing independents MÉS Mallorca – pledged before the elections that they would change it back to simply

'Palma', as it was previously known. The name was changed to 'Palma de Mallorca' by the former PPled regional government of the Balearics, sparking heavy criticism by the city council.

End In Sight? Spanish new car sales reached their best figures last year since the recession kicked in back in 2009. The car manufacturers association ANFAC said that just over one million vehicles were sold in 2015, with December alone seeing 88 thousand new cars being purchased which was a 20 percent yearly rise. Meanwhile, January’s figures showed a total of over 76 thousand cars sold, which was the highest sales figure for a single month since 2008, and the 29th consecutive months of sales rises.

Four point one million people are unemployed in Spain according to the January figures released at the start of the week. 57 thousand workers joined the dole queue last month due to the end of short term contracts in retail outlets over the holiday season. January’s statistics are always traditionally high, and on a year-on-

year basis, the unemployment rate has dropped by just over eight percent. The number of those looking for work in Alicante Province stands at 186 thousand, a rise on December’s returns by seventeen hundred. Murcia’s dole figures are at 129 thousand, going up by nearly fourteen hundred on the previous month.

An unfinished Murcia motorway that acted as a symbol of over-spending and the recession is set to be completed by 2020. The infamous 11 kilometre gap of the RM-1 highway between the Mar Menor

and Santomera near Murcia City appeared as money ran out for the project in 2010 with the road ending in an orchard between Zeneta and Los Ramos. The work will cost 110 million euros, which

ironically is almost the same amount of money as for the whole of the RM-1, with contractors expected to start the project next year, which is being mainly funded by the central government in Madrid.

Tony Mayes - About Life

Friday 5th February 2016

Teaching A Bad Lesson What do you think the punishment should be for a 31-year-old PE teacher, Sandrine Brown, who groomed two teenage schoolgirls, having sex with both of them? One girl was groomed when she was 13 and started a sexual relationship when she was 24, in a car and in a school store room. Then the teacher began a sexual relationship with the girl's friend, who was 16.In my book the punishment should have been at least five years jail. But the judge handed down 18 months, and I wonder if the fact that the teacher was a woman had anything to do with the lenient sentence. I suggest it was.I wonder what the attitude of the judge would have been if the teacher was a male, or if the teacher had been seducing and having sex with boys.It seems that more and more often we are reading of female teachers not being able to keep their hands off the pupils in their care. It's disgusting and it must seriously damage the girls and young women who are interfered with in this way. An on-line comment on this story caught my eye. It read: "Here we go again. The courts in this land seem to live in Victorian times, or at least are ruled over by judges from that era when

they refuse to accept that lesbians exist. Queen Victoria refused to believe they existed and so do our courts now and sentencing like this does nothing to curb these vile people intent on self-satisfaction and abuse of minors. The sex of the perpetrators should be of no concern to the court."I cannot agree more. Tesco appears to be at it again, up to low tricks to boost their financial position.Last year it was caught out having created a £326m black hole in their accounts to make their profits better than they were and this is still being investigated by the Serious Fraud Office. It involved the way Tesco booked income from its suppliers. The latest investigation involves Tesco "knowingly delaying paying money to suppliers in order to improve its own financial position", according to the supermarket ombudsman The Grocery Code Adjudicator, Christine Tacon, said the supermarket seriously breached the industry's code of conduct to protect grocery suppliers and found extensive evidence that Tesco had acted unreasonably when delaying payments to suppliers.Tesco apologised for practices, agreeing they were harmful to its suppliers.

Sadly the Adjudicator has no powers to fine Tesco over this, although these have been given to cover future transgression. Small businesses have long complained about the bad practice of large companies delaying payments to the very last moment, and some small firms have gone out of business as a result. Some companies get too big for their own good and the good of customers, and their strength damages other companies.Although Tesco cannot be fined for this latest transgression customers have the power to do this by shopping elsewhere. Let's hope sufficient numbers do just that to teach Tesco a valuable lesson where it will hurt the most - in the pocket. I attended a seminar recently, given by the Orihuela Costa traffic police chief, who explained the rules of the road here in Spain. He said that driving rules stated that motorists should stay on the right hand (inside) lane of a road unless overtaking. Fair enough, this is exactly the same as in the UK, except, of course, that in Britain we drive on the left. However, at roundabouts, the rules are different. In Spain the rule is that you continue to stay in the right hand lane even if you are going three

quarters of the way or all the way around.In Britain we are taught to move to the outside lane if we are turning more than 180 degrees. It's because of these different rules that we see so many bumps and scrapes at roundabouts because of the danger of cars cutting in, to run right in front of you. Much of it could be avoided if only everyone indicated their intentions in advance. Sadly they don't and driving is made far more of a nightmare as a result. So my plea to Brits is...let's set an example and indicate whenever you are turning left or right, changing lanes and letting everyone know what you are doing at roundabouts.If sufficient people did, indicating might just catch on and motorists might come to realise they can actually multitask...drive and indicate at the same time! Two pensioner American yachtsmen seem to think it is hilarious that they have had to be rescued nine times in seven months in a series of mishaps in their boat called Nora.The pair, aged 71, left Norway in their boat and apparently are trying to get back to the US. But while in UK waters they have had to be rescued nine times, costing the RNLI a small fortune.

Veteran sailor Sir Robin Knox-Johnston is among those criticising the pair and other yachtsmen described them as a "catastrophe waiting to happen". They managed to reach Hayle Harbour, Cornwall, where their sail boat tipped over, causing a fire on board.It costs between £6,000 and £8,000 every time a lifeboat is launched. This nonsense has highlighted a gap in legislation which should require people to be trained, tested and pass competence examinations before being allowed out on boats, in just the same way as people have to pass a test to drive.And after being rescued once in a year, the second and subsequent rescues should be at their expense and not at the expense of the RNLI, which, after all, is a charity. Perhaps this pair would be best advised to sell their boat and use the money to buy airline tickets back to the States and to stay there. I couldn't help chuckling to myself when I read that Sharia Law was alive and well in Britain and that it was about to be imposed on - of all people - MPs. And a dose of Sharia Law will do a lot of them a lot of good too. Why? Because they will be forced to abstain from alcohol! British politicians are a

real boozy lot - in the Palace of Westminster they consume, in a year, 50,000 bottles of house Sauvignon, 26,000 bottles of house Merlot, 52 litres of Famous Grouse Whiskey and 463 litres of gin, as well as many more beers and spirits and wines.So what is happening? MPs are to be rehoused in a temporary chamber in a courtyard in the Department of Health while the Palace of Westminster undergoes much-needed repairs. But it has emerged that the building is governed by Islamic law, because the building was quietly transferred to finance an Islamic bond scheme in 2014. Under the terms of the lease, alcohol is one of the activities banned on the premises. Richmond House is one of three Whitehall buildings that were transferred to the £200million Islamic bond scheme, which switched their ownership from British taxpayers to wealthy Middle Eastern businessmen and banks. George Osborne has announced the move in June, 2014, as part of an effort to make the UK a global hub for Islamic finance. Now MPs are furious that the British government is effectively governed by Sharia law. Hoisted by their own petard methinks!

Suicidal Leap A man committed suicide last Friday morning by jumping from an Alicante City apartment block after he inflicted multiple stab wounds on his ex-girlfriend. The 41-year--old man, Rafael RC, used a ladder to get into the flat of his former partner, 48-year old María Dolores who he had split from a month earlier. He also assaulted her before taking his life by jumping off the top of the roof. She was reported to be recovering well in Alicante General Hospital which is situated in the next street. Her former boyfriend was said to have a history of Schizophrenia.

Local Zika

A fourth case of the tropical Zika virus has been detected in Spain – this time in the Murcia Region in a man who recently travelled to an affected country, which has not been disclosed. He was treated at the Rafael Méndez hospital in Lorca two weeks ago and his test results have just revealed he is positive for the infection, which is passed on through Aedes Aegypti mosquitoes.

On The Fiddle

An Orihuela- based gang who illegally claimed half a million euros of social security benefits by using fake papers and bogus contracts has been arrested by the National Police. 34 people were arrested across Alicante Province following a four month investigation which unmasked a fictitious construction company that was used as a front for the fraud. No breakdown of nationalities was available, though it’s believed that many were not Spaniards.

News

Friday 5th February 2016

Beach Exercise

Negotiating Roundabouts HOW TO NEGOTIATE ROUNDABOUTS If you are unsure about the correct way to negotiate roundabouts, here are some simple rules to help you enter and exit roundabouts safely and in the right lane. APPROACHING ROUNDABOUTS It’s important to remember to give way to traffic already on the roundabout. If the roundabout is outside urban areas of towns or cities, keep right. If the roundabout is in a built-up area inside a town or city and the lanes are clearly marked, you should use the lane that best corresponds to the exit you need to take.

Playa de la Concha in Los Alcazares was busy last weekend but it wasn’t just down to the warm weather. On-lookers would have eavesdropped on a major exercise for civil protection volunteers who took part in a drill involving a drowning

man. Murcia’s emergency services director, Manuel Durán, said he planned to extend civil protection’s presence for emergency beach and sea rescues (Plan COPLA) by an extra month this summer.

Time Called

LEAVING ROUNDABOUTS This causes the most confusion amongst drivers. Which lane to choose? Why do I get beeped at if I’m in the right lane? Drivers must exit roundabouts from the right hand lane, because the only way to leave the roundabout is by turning right. This doesn’t mean we always have to enter the roundabout from the right hand lane. It depends on the exit we need to take. However this simple rule, in practice, can be more complex. Let us see some examples. 1st EXIT RIGHT Enter roundabout keeping to right hand side lane. Stay in lane until exit is reached. Indicate and exit roundabout. CONTINUING STRAIGHT ON (e.g. 2nd EXIT STRAIGHT AHEAD) Enter roundabout keeping to right hand side lane. Stay in lane until exit is reached. Indicate prior to exit and leave roundabout. TURNING LEFT OR CHANGING DIRECTION (e.g. 3rd OR FINAL EXIT) Enter roundabout keeping to left hand side lane. Stay in lane until you have passed the exit before your turn off, then change lane by indicating right and giving other road users sufficient time to anticipate your manoeuvre. Don’t forget that drivers circulating in the outside lanes have priority, so use your mirrors to ensure you are not blocking them as you change lanes. We hope the information provided in this article is of interest. If you would like to contact Línea Directa please call 902 123 182 More information on Línea Directa online at www.lineadirecta.com

A well-known Santiago de la Ribera eatery closed its doors for ever last weekend with bulldozers set to move in to pull it down. The Lonja Mar Menor was built on public land and was in business for 48 years, but was told three years ago to shut down

because the structure broke coastal laws. The popular restaurant amongst both locals and tourists exhausted all the appeal procedures and went out with a bang on Sunday with a music festival featuring bands playing on the adjoining beach.

Special Ceremony

Loose Boom La Marquesa golf course in Rojales officially opens a special square tomorrow (Saturday) featuring a statue of Our Lady of Medjugorje. That was the name given to

the Virgin Mary who appeared to six schoolchildren back in 1981 in the then Yugoslavian village of Medjugorje in what is now Bosnia-Herzergovina.

A ceremony and blessing will take place at 11.00 am at La Marquesa which will include two priests who have made a number of pilgrimages to Medjugore.

New electric pylons have been appearing on a 13 kilometre stretch between Torremendo and La Marquesa in the Los Montesinos/San Miguel area as part of a delayed project to improve power supply reliability across the southern part of Alicante

Province, as well as increasing the capacity at Torrevieja's desalination plant, which is only operating at half capacity. The local Informacion newspaper reports that the 32 million euro project by Red Eléctrica features 20 to 40 metre high towers on

a route which affects the least number of people but has brought concern from environmental groups. Informacion's investigation says that 37 pylons will be built with construction starting last year on a project that was first outlined back in 2008.

Pylon Power

An empty Torrevieja office was smashed into by a crane arm on Saturday morning, but with it being a weekend nobody was at work. One of the support booms got loose as the

crane arm was removing items from a building at the corner of Calles Caballero de Rodas and San Pablo, and went into a window of a second floor office. Nobody was injured.

News

Friday 5th February 2016

The Big Panto Profits

One of the last duties of Studio 32’s outgoing chairman, Graham Burge, was to hand over the money made by last autumn’s big annual pantomime, Dick Whittington, to local charities, including a visit to the San Fulgencio town hall to hand over a 750 euro cheque to Benjamin Villena Rodriguez of the Alzheimer’s Association of San Fulgencio. A similar donation was given to the San Fulgencio town hall to help with the Cardenal Belluga

A bottle of the finest cava was used to splice the mainbrace of a new support boat for the Sailing Association Mar Menor (SAMM) recently. The Dutch-made Whaly vessel is the type of vessel that is used extensively by many organisations around the world for patrol and rescue purposes including at San Pedro de Pinitar harbour. The Whaly was came

from a Cabo de Palos dealership in December, and since then the SAMM members have been fitting it out with the engine and all the other necessary equipment which means the vessel should give many years of reliable and trouble free service for the group. For more information about SAMM go to their website (see below) www.sailingmarmenor.com

Have you taken in a gorgeous looking dog in the last few weeks in and around the La Mata area of Torrevieja, or seen him on your travels? His name is Zac and he went missing over three weeks ago when he got away from his owner, Restaurant Rendezvous in Shirley Adam, on La Mata Altos de Limonar, and not as beach, as he wasn’t wearprinted last week in San ing a collar as he had been Luis. in the water, but he does

have a micro-chip identification. Shirley has been searching everywhere between La Mata and the La Herrada urbanisation in Los Montesinos where she lives, but sadly there have not been any sightings. Have you spotted Zac? If you can help, please call Shirley on 966 318 145 or 611 269 966.

theatre maintenance fund, where the panto was staged last November. New Studio 32 chairman Philip Wilson said that they will continue to support the same charities during this year, adding that their next production in June, Fiddler On The Roof, will be their biggest challenge to date. The Cardenal Belluga theatre will host the musical in June, with tickets going on sale this month, with more details on the website, www.studiothirtytwo.org .

The Phoenix Solos Correction

The Phoenix Solos dinner dance in Torrevieja on Thursday February 25th 2016 will be at the

What A Whaly!

Missing Zac

Local & News

New La Marina Group

A new non-political association has been formed to represent the interests of people on the La Marina urbanisation in San Fulgencio. MURA (Marina Urbanisations Residents Association) had their first committee meeting at the end last month, and over 600 members have joined so far according to the organisation, mainly through social networks like Facebook MURA has its office located at the former PIPN office at 107 Calle Madrid, La Marina (phase four) and is open on a Tuesday and Thursday from 10.00am until 2.00pm and all members (even if they signed up via Facebook) are asked to reregister with their NIE and address at the office. There will be a small membership fee of five euros per adult

(aged over 18) per annum. The fee is necessary to help with administration costs (rent and legal fees) and to fund campaigns to get a better deal for local residents. It is anticipated that MURA will be fully functional and legalised by March 1st, and MURA members will enjoy the benefits of the full back up of the association. Individuals concerns and problems related to urbanisation matters and the facilities can be dealt with by the association and help if required from its lawyers. A dedicated web site will soon be up and running and this will hopefully be announced at the next open meeting on Wednesday February 24th at The Sports Complex at the satellite roundabout, starting at 7.30pm. Member and non-members are more than welcome to attend.

News

Mercadona Fights Back Supermarket chain Mercadona has rubbished speculation that it has been replacing home produced products with poor-quality cheap imports. "It could be you have read online, that Mercadona is removing Spanish produce in favour of foreign goods, or that Spanish groceries are being taken off the shelves – but this information is totally false," says the company. The chain, which started as a family-run corner shop and has now made its founder Juan Roig the thirdrichest man in Spain, has denounced a smear campaign which is urging cus-

Friday 5th February 2016

tomers to shop elsewhere, accusing Mercadona of legal, but borderline unethical practices. To counter these claims, the supermarket has given a full breakdown of who makes its own-brand goods, such as the household cleaning produce line Bosque Verde, cosmetic label Deliplus, and food name Hacendado. To obtain fresh produce, Mercadona say they work with 12,000 fishermen, 6,000 farms and 4,000 livestock breeders, in addition to deals in place with 120 suppliers, spread throughout 220 factories across the country. The Valencia region is an orange-growing hotspot, pro-

ducing more of the fruit than it can sell or even harvest – but by August, the crop cycle is well and truly over until the autumn. Mercadona says they only import oranges when they cannot get any in Spain and that they come from Argentina. "And we only ship in potatoes from Israel when they do not grow at home, which is from November to April," the company said.

More Huggers A Playa Flamenca-based British woman had her Rolex watch stolen in broad daylight this week in the latest “hugging” robbery to hit the Costa Blanca. "Two women started talking in Spanish ”, said the unnamed victim. “One of them grabbed me in a hug and put her face beside mine, and the other woman did the same the other side so I couldn’t move, as they grabbed my watch”. They failed to get her wedding ring off her finger, before escaping in a dark coloured car driven by a man.The police suspect the muggers to be East Europeans, and whilst the victim was at the station, another woman reported that her bag had been snatched from her zimmer frame while she was walking.

Feet Forward Walk

More than 700 people took part in last Sunday’s inaugural walk on the new ‘ElMirador de la Vega" footpath which runs between Redován, Callosa de Segura and Cox.

The 20 kilometre route takes in the Sierra de Redován Park; the Cueva Ahumada; and the Callosa de Segura Natural Park as some of the scenic highlights.

Seven thousand leaflets and guides printed in English and Spanish with maps promoting Elche’s historic city area have been published by the council. 235 bars and restaurants

feature in the guide along with suggested routes to take in the most popular parts of the city with descriptions of key areas of historical and cultural interest.

There’s Plenty On Offer

Pets

Friday 5th February 2016

Nice If You Can Afford It

Having a pet die is a traumatic experience. One way to deal with it is to take DNA from your dead dog's body and send it to South Korea, so they can clone it. Laura Jacques and Richard Remde have become the first British people to do this. They recently picked up their new puppies from Sooam labs. The couple, from Yorkshire, were devastated when boxer Dylan died of a heart attack in June, aged eight, after being diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour.But after learning that South Korean biotech firm Sooam had begun cloning dead dogs for £67,000 they decided to genetically engineer a copy. Dylan had already

been dead for 12 days when the couple managed to get a viable skin sample to the company, and scientists warned them that the technique had never worked on dogs who had been dead for more than five days. The two puppies were viable though, and born to a surrogate recently. Ms Jacques told BuzzFeed: "We had to go to a Boots store to get all the instruments we needed to get the cells. It was a scientific breakthrough, it had never been done before, and we just thought it was meant to be.We went to South Korea for the birth and it was just surreal.” "Richard said, 'Oh my gosh, they look just like Dylan!' and I was just in shock at this point."

Alsatian Or German Shepherd? A very common question among dog lovers around the world is whether the Alsatian and the German Shepherd breeds are one and the same, or are they different. If you take a straw poll, I am pretty sure you are going to get contradictory answers. This is hardly surprising considering the fact that they look so alike, but they are the same dog with only different names! Some people claim that there are actual differences between the dogs, while others say that it is the size and colour, while even others wants to stress on their places of origin. The proponents of the last theory say that Alsatian originated in Alsace in France while the German Shepherd actually comes from (not surprisingly) Germany. The truth is that the German Shepherd breed appeared late at the end of the 19th century in Germany and they were first exhibited

at a show in Hanover in 1882. They were not like German Shepherds as we know them today though being rough coated, short tailed and rather resembling mongrels. The German Shepherd Dog as we now know it didn't really appear until after the Second World War. The breed was actually created by the cross breeding of working sheep dogs from rural Germany by an ex cavalry officer called Max von Stephanitz whose aim was to create a working dog for herding which could trot for long periods. A breed standard was drawn up and the first breed show took place in 1899 following which the GSD became firmly established across Germany. In 1906 the first dogs were exported to the USA. During the Second World War, both the Allies and the Nazis were employing the German Shepherd in their ranks to attack, surprise and

outmanoeuvre their opponents. The German Shepherd being a big working dog with high intelligence and a natural propensity for training was considered to be of great value by the armed forces and was therefore hotly pursued. They worked as scout, messengers, sentries, and mine-detector dogs. At the beginning of the war, it is estimated that the German army had more than 200 thousand dogs trained and ready for military work, mostly German Shepherds. Many were used on the front lines of battle and many were killed as they worked bravely and saved the lives of many men. However, the British were loath to using the name “German Shepherd” as the Germans were their archenemy and they (the British) didn’t want to associate with the Germans in any way, at least symbolically in this

case. So, they coined a new name for the German Shepherd, namely Alsatian, which somehow some people has come to refer to as a different dog breed. The Americans, however, had no such hangovers and the name German Shepherd was widely used. Once the war was over, the British also decided that the name Alsatian has outlived its usefulness and went back to its real and trusted name, the German Shepherd. A relentless campaign by breeders back in 1977 led the Alsatian to finally getting back its original name, of German Shepherd Dog. Today the German Shepherd Dog or Alsatian, is among the most popular dog breeds in the world. In the US it ranks as high as number two in the popularity stakes while in the UK it is constantly ranked in the top five. The German Shepherd is also known as GSD.

Pets Corner: Can You take in a Homeless Dog or Cat?

BELLA Bella is a beautiful, about 10 months old small to medium size female dog, who is really good with other dogs and was found with her sister in the campo. The have now settled well into their foster homes and are now ready to move on to a home of their own. For more about Bella please call PEPA on 650 304 746 or Email: p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail. com

JACK jack is a small dog that would be a great addition to any home. Happy Jack is a ten month old Basset Hound cross. He’s in excellent health, neutered and is a very playful, loving little boy. If you are interested in adopting this lovely boy then please give K9 a call today on 645 469 253. or the website to visit is www.petsinspain.com

LEENA Leena is about a year old and is a beautiful Podenco with a very sweet temperament who is great with other dogs. She just wants to play and is active and will need a home where she will get lots of exercise, and walks very well on the lead. For more details about Leena please phone PEPAon 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail. com

RUBEN APAH urgently need a home or a long-term foster home for Ruben, who is a ten year old. Ruben is a lovely dog, sweet natured and undemanding, who was abandoned because his owner did not want theresponsibility of caring for an older dog. Ruben deserves somewhere warm with lots of love. If you canhelp care for Ruben, please call 630 422 563.

TREBOL Trebol was found sheltering in a ruined building. His coat was very matted so he was given a short haircut to make him more comfortable. He isa lively eight year old, who loves to play with his toys and get lots ofcuddles. He is fully vaccinated, micro chipped and castrated. contact the SAT kennels on 966710047 or you can email info@satanimalrescue.com

TWINKLE Twinkle is a lovely two year old tabby and white girl who was bought into the K9 charity after being abandoned. She has been spayed and is very affectionate. Twinkle enjoys a sedentary life and loves home comforts. She is finewith other cats and loves being with people. If you would like to adopt her then please call us now on 610832726.

Friday 5th February 2016

Confused? Want a straight answer?

Do you have an investment but no-one looking after it for you? Have you recently moved to Spain and have no regulated adviser here? Would you like to your money to work harder for you? Would you like to know if a QROPS would be the best option for your pension? Would you like to talk to someone about the tax situation here in Spain? If the answer is YES to any of these questions, then you need to come and see us for an informal chat. Getting free, impartial advice on the financial situation here in Spain is very important for both peace of mind and to ensure you do not fall foul of the various tax laws. We have been advising expats for a number of years and would welcome the opportunity to help anyone struggling to adjust to their new life, or anyone who just wants a health check on their finances. Please give us a call to make an appointment, either to see us in our offices. You can also email us at Contact@SeagateWealth.es

Dave Silver

Friday 5th February 2016

A Glowing End To Fag Ash Billâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cigarettes THE words 'Your attention please!' rang out in the pub the other evening. We instantly raised our eyes to the source of the instruction. Then, almost as immediately, we dropped our eyes again. Dave the barman turned to the voice's owner. 'May I suggest that you extract some coins from your purse and jiggle them about. The sound of a round about to be purchased will get their attention.' Andromeda Arkwright shook her head. 'That would be a cheap trick, Dave. I know these people. I've been their guide and mentor long enough to know that they respect me and would follow me to the ends of the . . . er . . . pub.' Dave the barman rewashed the drinking glass-

es he hadn't needed to wash in the first place because none of us had bought a drink. 'Read my grim lips,' he told Andromeda. 'This lot do not do attention unless it is accompanied by the promise of free booze. Just clink together any small change for the desired effect.' Andromeda sighed and dug into her purse. Her tightly grasped hand was about to softly shake the coins within it when she cried out: 'No, I CANNOT do this thing! My friends do NOT deserve to be treated like a pack of wild animals waiting to be fed.' In a gesture of frustrated resignation she unfurled her fist and hurled her handful of coins high into the air. 'Oh, dear,' sighed Dave the barman. For as both barman and owner of the hostelry,

mein host was well aware of the laws of gravity which existed therein. Instead of the gentle clinking of coins, the money descended in a shower of metal, bouncing off the bartop with a loud rat-a-tat. The ensuing chaos was pitiful to behold. Dave the barman ducked down behind the counter as we pubsters tried to grab hold of any ricocheting coin which came our way. Even Ol' Red Eyes, hitherto fast asleep on the floor, was roused into wakefulness as one of the flung coins flew into the air from Andromeda's outstretched hand, hit the ceiling, bounced onto the bartop, hit Daft Barry on the bonce and was relaunched into the open snoring mouth of our oldest pub regular. Ol' Red Eyes spat out the

coin, muttering: 'I never did develop a taste for heavy metal.' And then, opening one rheumy peeper, he yelled: 'Keep the flaming noise down! Or am I just having a nightmare?' 'It's no dream, I'm afraid,' Dave the barman called out from his hiding place behind the counter. 'Blimey!' croaked Ol' Red Eyes. 'I can hear the voice of our esteemed barman but he is nowhere in sight. Has he died and gone to Heaven or have I died and gone to Hell?' 'Enough!' bellowed Andromeda as the pub punters tried individually -- and pathetically -- to purchase a drink with their ill-gotten small change. Shaking her head in surrender, she reached again into her purse and extracted

a bunch of banknotes. 'Drinks all round, Dave,' she whispered resignedly as mein host popped his head above the parapet. Amid the general euphoria at the prospect of liquid refreshment, we pub mates also sensed that our beloved leader, Andromeda Arkwright, was looking dejected. After a brief confab, we pubsters appointed yours truly as spokesman and I ambled over to Andromeda. 'On behalf of the pub regulars, I wish to apologise for our behaviour,' I said. 'Please forgive us and tell us what you require.' Andromeda burst into tears of happiness and hugged each of us in turn, even bending down to Ol' Red Eyes. Blowing her nose in ecstasy, our leader blinked back a couple of final tears and said.

'I called you to attention because I trust that all of you have had the willpower to maintain your New Year resolutions and I would love a progress report.' As one, we blanched shamefacedly and, as one, we downed our drinks and bolted for the door. As we all rushed out, a single person rushed in. 'I did it! I gave up the fags at New Year!' yelled Fag Ash Bill. 'My hero!' gushed Andromeda Arkwright. 'I am so proud of you. From this moment you shall be known not as Fag Ash Bill but as Withdrawal Will.' 'Gee, thanks, Andromeda,' said Withdrawal Will. 'I must confess though that not having a ciggy was the hardest thing I've ever done. In fact, it was the longest 10 minutes of my life.'

Friday 5th February 2016

Friday 5th February2016

TRELI ON THE TELLY WITH ALEX TRELINSKI

Sir Terry Wogan was a broadcasting genius that we'll never see the like of again. The zillions of tributes that have been posted since his death was announced last Sunday morning have said it all for a remarkable man who achieved the rare feat of being equally at home on television as he was on his first love of radio, and crucially he was a really nice bloke, as all of his colleagues have testified over the last few days. He had a natural air about him on TV, and turned a cheap potential filler like Blankety Blank into an institution with his gentle mocking of the concept, including the derisory prizes. There was the three times a week BBC1 chat show of the eighties, and of course his presentation of Children in Need from the start in the late seventies which all showed his versatility and the way he always thought on his feet. What you saw was the man himself. A human being who was not reliant on cue cards and autocue

Wonderful Wogan

machines, but used all his experience gained in the early days of Irish TV to make it look all so easy. I caught a couple of episodes last autumn of the last series he did for the Beeb going around Britain with London cabby Mason McQueen checking out regional cookery and it was an utter delight with Sir Terry on top form. His greatest TV turn though was behind the microphone as for over 30 years his mischievous playful tones graced the BBC commentary on the Eurovision Song Contest bringing laughs to the whole nation. I spent two years working for BBC Radio's Sports department in London, and without a lie the one name people always asked about, having heard about my stint there, was whether I had met Sir Terry or worked with him. Sadly I never did as my appearances on Radio 2 some 20 years ago were with Ed “Stewpot” Stewart, who also left us too early last month, but that was a tiny example of

how Sir Terry became an important part of people's lives that they wanted to know about him. Ask UK broadcasters who they look up to the most as a perfect presenter, and Sir Terry's name would pretty much come up at the top of the list, as it would on mine. He inspired viewers and listeners, as well as industry

professionals alike, and I’ve never in my lifetime experienced such an outpouring of love and respect for any British broadcaster’s passing. What more can you say? ITV must be banging its head against the wall with two of their biggest new dramas Jericho and Beowulf (which deserves to do better) being

bombed out in the ratings. Meanwhile they can look at envy at that old war horse Casualty doing great business for BBC 1 on a Saturday night. Yes, some of the plots and “accidents” verge on the edge of madness, but the show has likeability plus the last episode had a deserved happy ending and exit for ambulance

guru, Dixie, after nearly a decade at Holby. I thought The Voice last Saturday had some real bite about it, with genuine bitching between judges Boy George and Paloma Faith. I have to say that Paloma after a few weeks comes over as a bit limited in what she has to say and almost appears to be thick. No wonder then that George threw his toys out of the pram at the end when ex-Liberty X singer, Kevin Simm, chose Paloma above him and the other two judges. Fluffy fun is what I'd describe Marvel's Agent Carter over on FOX UK. I loved last year's first run, and the channel hasn't wasted anytime in getting the second series to air shortly after the American screenings. Great forties period settings add to the entertainment, as well as a very obvious link this time round to the current run of the other Marvel show, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. over on E4, though you don't have to watch it to get what's going on.

Friday 5th February2016

Six Nations - One Tournament

The Studio Team On Saturday afternoon on BBC One, John Inverdale is at Murrayfield to preview the opening round of the 2016 Six Nations Championship before handing to Gabby Logan in Paris, as France vs Italy kicks off the tournament. France have not lifted the trophy since 2010, something new head coach Guy Noves will be aiming to rectify. A disappointing performance in the World Cup, and the retirement of captain Thierry Dusautoir

among others, mean it will be a new-look Les Bleus for the 2016 campaign. Italy, meanwhile, will be hoping to catch their hosts cold, and land a repeat of the 23-18 opening game win over France in Rome three years ago. Joining Gabby in the studio will be Thomas Castaignede and Keith Wood. Match commentary comes from Eddie Butler, Jonathan Davies and Carlo Del Fava.Talks with his

creditors - and the close involvement of the Bank of England - have been underway since the autumn but they broke down when new figures showed ticket sales and bookings were lower than expected. Later, in one of the most important games of the event, John hosts live coverage as Scotland and England kick off their Six Nations campaigns at Murrayfield. Scotland are looking to

bounce back after ending up with the Wooden Spoon last year, and will have a point to prove on their home ground, having been whitewashed 20-0 the last time they hosted England. But Vern Cotter’s side can take heart from their most recent competitive action which came in the World Cup, when they came agonisingly close to beating Australia and reaching the semi-finals. The World Cup was a well-documented disaster for England, and led to the departure of head coach Stuart Lancaster. Eddie Jones is the new man in charge, and the Australian will be hoping for a winning start to his reign as England set out to win the tournament in which they have finished second for the last four years. Andy Nicol, Jerry Guscott and 2003 World Cup winner Mike Tindall will be offering expert analysis from the studio, while Brian Moore and Chris Paterson will be in the commentary box alongside Andrew Cotter.

A Strong Return for The Voice!

The Voice is back for the fifth blind auditions, as the superstar singing coaches will.i.am, Boy George, Paloma Faith and Ricky Wilson continue their hunt for the best voices for their teams. This week features familiar hits as Vangelis from London gives a rendition the Culture Club classic Do You Really Want to Hurt

Me. The coaches also hear from Mari Marli, who performs will.i.am’s Bang Bang, and 19 year-old Chloe Castro, who makes a living busking in Durham. Meanwhile four-time Britain’s Strongest Woman Gemma Magnusson makes an appearance - but will she have the power to make the coaches turn to her?

Ant and Dec to host The Queen’s 90th Birthday Celebrations Ant and Dec will host The Queen’s 90th Birthday Celebration, which will be broadcast live on ITV later this year. This National Celebratory Event will take place in the presence of Her Majesty The Queen and will be hosted by Royal Windsor Horse Show in the private grounds of Windsor Castle. The event will see the best of British talent join more than 900 horses and 1500 participants for what promises to be a spectacular evening. The Celebration will tell the story of The Queen’s

remarkable life from her birth in 1926, through World War Two, to her Coronation in 1953 and a reign spanning more than 60 years. Some of the biggest stars from the world of entertainment will take to the stage whilst performers in the arena will include The Oman Royal Cavalry, Chilean Huasos, The New Zealand Army Band, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, Azerbaijan Cossack Riders, State Carriages from The Royal Mews, The South Australian Police Band, The King’s Troop Royal Horse

ITV commissions new drama The Level “Information’s information, Nancy. Don’t beat yourself up about how you get it. You make the world a better place, there’s not many can say that.” Detective Sergeant Nancy Devlin has a secret. She’s living a double life. Nancy’s exemplary police career masks a covert attachment to shady businessman and drugs trafficker, Frank Le Saux. Inextricably linked to Frank from childhood as the father of her best friend, Hayley and the father figure she herself craved, Nancy has been playing a dangerous game – ensuring that Frank always remains off the police radar. When Frank is murdered Nancy finds herself at the centre of an investigation which will put her at risk of exposure and see her stalked by a killer intent on destroying her. The Level is a bold six-

part thriller for ITV from BAFTA award winning indie Hillbilly Television (Second Coming, Random, Holy Flying Circus). Written by Gaby Chiappe (Shetland, Vera, Lark Rise to Candleford) and Alex Perrin (Leonardo, Shetland), The Level will begin filming in London and Brighton during the spring of 2016. Intuitive, sharp-witted, and passionate Nancy is a good cop with a fine reputation amongst colleagues at the National Crime Agency. Yet beneath the surface her family background has left her vulnerable. Seconded to Sussex Homicide in Brighton when career criminal Frank Le Saux is brutally murdered, Nancy is too close to the case. Frank has been a father figure and mentor throughout her career and Nancy holds vital clues to his murderer. But how much can she

reveal to her colleagues without incriminating herself? And when his daughter Hayley comes back into her life, will they be able to pick up their friendship? Locked in a lethal stalking game whilst walking a knife-edge to avoid the constant danger of exposure, Nancy learns some painful truths about her upbringing and her father Gil, an abusive, alcoholic ex-policeman. Caught up in Frank’s world, Nancy becomes embroiled in a murky underbelly of crime. As both the hunter and the hunted, Nancy struggles to face the reality of her situation and is desperate to do the right thing. Her complicated love life and relationships with her colleagues creates further tension as she doesn’t know who she can trust… ..literally with her life. Polly Leys and Kate Norrish on behalf of Hillbilly Television said: “We’re

delighted to be working with ITV for the first time. We knew we had a great project and writing team in Gaby Chiappe and Alex Perrin and we’re very happy that ITV feel the same. It is the perfect home for The Level, a high stakes, high intensity thriller. We can’t wait to get going on bringing Nancy to life.” The Level has been commissioned for ITV by Director of Drama Steve November and Controller of Drama Victoria Fea. “We’re thrilled to commission The Level from Hillbilly Television,” said Steve. “It’s a taut, tense thriller which sees Nancy struggling to shake off her past whilst trying against all odds to track a killer. The scripts from Gaby Chiappe and Alex Perrin are exceptional and we’re looking forward to The Level going into production.”

Artillery, The Fijian Army Dancers and Band, 100 Military and Commonwealth Pipers and The Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment. Ant and Dec said “We are honoured to be hosting this special celebration of Her Majesty The Queen’s 90th Birthday. This spectacular evening will bring together some of the best known names in the entertainment world who will perform with 900 horses and 1500 participants to mark this very spe-

cial birthday.” ITV’s Director of Entertainment and Comedy Elaine Bedell said “We are delighted to be celebrating Her Majesty The Queen’s 90th Birthday with this stunning evening of entertainment. With Ant and Dec hosting this special event, viewers will get to enjoy the very best of British talent along side some remarkable performers in celebration of the Queen’s landmark birthday".

Friday 5th February 1982 Housing The 07:15 Enforcers 08:00 Wanted Down Under 08:45 Flog it! 09:15 Secrets Trade The MasterChef: Professionals 10:15 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:05 The Pallisers 15:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 16:00 A Place to Call Home 16:45 Best Bakes Ever 17:30 Attenborough’s David Natural Curiosities 18:15 Flog It 19:00 Eggheads Great American 20:30 A Question of Sport 19:30 Journeys Railroad Sue Barker hosts another edition of the lighthearted 20:00 Sea Cities Tyneside’s sports quiz biggest fabrication yard fights for its future 21:00 EastEnders It’s judgement day for Dean, 21:00 Mastermind John but will he plead guilty or Humphrys invites four more not guilty? contenders to answer questions in the black chair 21:30 Dickensian Bucket’s detecting skills are called 21:30 What to Buy and into question when another Why The Michelin-starred body is discovered and a chefs at Edinburgh’s most prestigious hotel put the latnew inspector arrives est food processors to the 22:00 Shetland The mur- test

der investigation takes Perez and Tosh to Glasgow as they try to uncover the reasons behind Maguire’s brutal death and his connection to Robbie Morton 23:00 News 23:35 The Graham Norton Show 00:25 Would I Lie to You? 00:55 The Apprentice USA 02:15 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:20 News

22:00 Earth’s Greatest film This Spectacles reveals how New England ‘s vibrant fiesta is created 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight 00:35 Artsnight 00:00 the and Leningrad Orchestra That Defied Hitler 02:05 Film - Black Sheep (15) 03:25 Question Time 04:25 Imagine 05:30 This is BBC Two

Morning Good 07:00 Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 News 15:00 16:00 Rinder Judge Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale Aaron gets a wake-up call 20:30 Coronation Street Jenny finds herself in an awkward position 21:00 The Martin Lewis Money Show Martin Lewis explains how to maximise your money and earn up to 6 per cent on your savings pot, and the answers the age old question - euros or paying when pounds abroad? 21:30 Coronation Street Eva makes an unusual discovery 22:00 Mr Selfridge The ground floor of Selfridges is transformed into a movie set, as Double Trouble starring the Dolly Sisters actor acclaimed and Bumby Wallace - is being filmed 23:00 News 23:40 Birds of a Feather 00:10 Film Diamonds are Forever (PG) 02:20 Jackpot247 04:00 Murder, She Wrote 04:50 ITV Nightscreen

07:00 Countdown 07:45 King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:30 Undercover Boss USA 12:30 Four in a Bed 13:00 News 13:05 Four in a Bed 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 18:00 Come Dine Champion of Champions 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 21:00 Jamie and Jimmy’s Friday Night Feast Anna Friel learns how to cook Balinese stew, Jamie Oliver makes mega meatball subs and Jimmy Doherty shows how to make your own mozzarella 22:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Jimmy Carr hosts a brand new episode with Sean Lock and Isy Suttie who take on Jon Richardson and Richard Osman 23:00 The Last Leg Goes Down Under 00:10 Virtually Famous 00:55 Rude Tube 01:50 Film Storage 24 (15) 03:20 8 Out of 10 Cats 04:00 Undercover Boss USA 04:55 Beat My Build 05:45 Hugh’s 3 Good Things

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film - Undercover Bridesmaid 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 Pets Make You Laugh Out Loud 2 Pet-loving comedians Dave Spikey and Ellie Taylor are on hand to enjoy some greedy pigs, terrifying tortoises and a hefty dose of pet fails in this clip show 21:00 That’s So 1982 Entertainment series that looks back on different years from the 1980s and 90s via the news, pop and TV archive from each year. 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother Live Final The door to the Celebrity Big Brother house opens to reveal this season’s winner 00:05 Lip Sync Battle UK 00:35 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the Side 01:15 Super Casino 04:10 Celebrity Big Brother 05:45 House Doctor

08:00 Peter Hurst, 11:00 Dennis Christian, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Andy James, 18:00 Suzy G

DON´T MISS 07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Ellen DeGeneres 08:05 Dinner Date 09:05 Emmerdale 10:05 You’ve Been Framed 10:35 Catchphrase 11:20 Dinner Date 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 14:15 You’ve Been Framed 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:40 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Film The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (12)

07:00 Man About the House 07:25 Heartbeat 08:25 Where the Heart is 09:35 The Royal 10:35 Judge Judy 11:55 Sherlock Holmes 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:00 Heartbeat 15:00 The Royal 16:05 Where the Heart is 17:15 Man About the House 17:50 Rising Damp 18:15 On the Buses 18:50 Heartbeat 19:50 Murder, She Wrote 20:55 Sherlock Holmes 22:00 Long Lost Family 23:00 Law and Order: UK

07:00 The Professionals 07:50 The Sweeney 08:50 Shed and Buried 09:50 Minder 10:55 Magnum, PI 11:55 The Sweeney 12:55 Pawn Stars 13:50 Shed and Buried 14:50 The Professionals 15:55 Magnum, PI 16:55 Minder 18:00 The Sweeney 19:00 The Professionals 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 Counting Cars 22:00 Film GoldenEye (12) 00:40 Film - American Gangster (18) 03:40 Movies Now

SHETLAND

SOAPS

to swap roles when Nicola tells Jimmy that she has sorted the paperwork as well as reorganised the rota. They’re both thrilled with Nicola’s suggestion of Jimmy becoming a full time dad.

place a good clean. While Sophie and Tyrone finish up at the garage, Jack wanders out on to the forecourt. He spots Jenny over at the factory and waves to her.

revealing that the O’Driscolls loved her idea. But who will Aidan suggest should be their ‘real woman’ model?

Soon afterwards, Kevin, Sophie and Tyrone search frantically for Jack, worried sick that Jenny may have snatched him again. In the factory, a tearful Jenny hugs Jack closely.

In Emmerdale When Chas talks to Aaron, will Aaron finally go to the police about his dad? Meanwhile, Nicola is bored looking after the kids, while Jimmy has been up all night looking at the books for Rakesh. She offers to take a look for him while he sorts the kids out. Both realise they need

In Coronation Street, The factory staff continue to give Jenny a hard time, adamant that she is the thief. As the girls head off for the evening, Jenny stays behind to give the

Meanwhile, at Johnny’s suggestion, Sinead tells Aidan that he’d be best to use ‘real women’ for the O’Driscolls modelling campaign. Aidan likes the idea. Calling in The Rovers he thanks Sinead,

BBC1 22.00 Matters take an unexpected turn when prime suspect Michael Maguire is found dead in what appears to be a professional hit. Perez and Tosh head to Glasgow, trying to break a wall of silence regarding the details behind Maguire’s demise and its connection with

In the second episode, As Kevin scoops Jack into his arms, Jenny desperately tries to explain that she didn’t abduct Jack instead he came to her. Kevin and Sophie are disbelieving, while Rita is conflicted. Jenny pleads her case to Rita but it’s clear she isn’t convinced. Awash with guilt, Kevin reveals to Sophie and Anna how Jack told him he followed Jenny into the factory and she was telling the truth. As Jenny loads

Robbie Morton. Perez is shaken after receiving a veiled threat from gangster Arthur McCall, but evidence gleaned from Michael Thompson’s apartment in Shetland gives a new trail to follow. her things into a cab, Kevin approaches and apologises, asking her not to leave. As Rita also apologises for ever doubting her, will Jenny agree to stay? In Eastenders, It’s the day of Dean’s court hearing and Shirley assures Ronnie and Linda that he’ll be pleading guilty. Shirley, Ronnie, Buster and Tina all head to court to watch the proceedings unfold and they’re surprised when Linda decides to go with them, despite previously vowing to stay away. At court, Dean takes to the

Laker Airways goes bust Pioneering budget airliner Laker Airways has collapsed owing £270 million to banks and other creditors. After a four-hour board meeting at London's Gatwick Airport, company chairman Sir Freddie Laker asked Clydesdale Bank to appoint a receiver. All 17 Laker aircraft have been ordered to return to the UK by tonight and the British Airports Authority has impounded a DC10 at Gatwick to cover the company's landing and parking costs. Stranded passengers numbering 6,000 - will have the return half of their tickets honoured by British Airways, Pan American Airways, Air Florida and British Caledonian. The receiver Bill Mackey, partner of Ernst and Whinney, told the media: "There is no way that Sir Freddie Laker can carry on with this business in its present form. It has to be sold." He said the Civil Aviation Authority had given six days' notice for the withdrawal of the operating licence for the fleet of Laker aircraft. The company's 2,500 staff will continue to be paid until liquidators have finalised their decisions about redundancies. Earlier in the week Sir Freddie was optimistic he had put together a £60 million rescue package for the company he established in 1966. stand. Roxy is nowhere to be seen but Mick arrives and joins his wife. When the judge asks Dean for his plea, Shirley stares at her son - visibly pleading with him to do the right thing. Will Dean plead guilty or not guilty? Meanwhile, Shabnam comes to a final decision about her future with Kush. What will it be?

Saturday 6th February

07:15 Film - Tension at Table Rock (U) 08:45 Film The Red Beret (U) 10:10 Animal Park 11:10 Homes Under the Hammer 12:10 Natural World 13:00 James Martin: Home Comforts 13:45 Rick Stein’s India 14:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 15:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 Flog It 17:30 Final Score 18:25 Earth’s 20:15 The Voice UK Greatest Spectacles 19:25 will.i.am, Ricky Wilson, Boy Back in Time for the George and Paloma Faith Weekend continue with the blind auditions 20:25 The Royals Who Rescued The Monarchy A 21:30 The National portrait of King George V Lottery Shane Richie hosts and Queen Mary a new series of the game show that sees couples 21:25 Dad’s Army The plaplaying to win the prizes of toon goes on an exercise their dreams 22:00 The Real Marigold 22:20 Casualty Ethan is Hotel A group of celebrities back in full swing - he and travel to India to see Lily work well together and whether retirement would help an autistic girl get the be more rewarding there family support she needs than in the UK 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Mary Berry’s Foolproof Cooking 13:00 News 13:10 Football Focus 13:50 Saturday Sportsday 14:00 Bargain Hunt 14:30 Six Nations Rugby Union: France v Italy 17:30 Six Nations Rugby Union: Scotland v England 19:55 News

23:10 News 23:30 Match of the Day 00:55 Super Bowl 50 Preview 01:25 Film Man of the Year (12) 03:15 Weather for the Week Ahead 03:20 News

23:00 Live at the Apollo 23:45 Insert Name Here 00:15 Film - Tim (PG) 02:00 Film - My Afternoons with Margueritte (15) 03:15 This is BBC Two

07:00 Fort Boyard Ultimate Challenge 07:25 Pat and Stan 07:35 Dino Dan 08:00 Share a Story 08:05 Sooty 08:15 Super 4 08:30 Scrambled 08:35 Mr Bean 08:50 Horrid Henry 09:10 Nerds and Monsters 09:30 Jessie 10:05 Tom and Jerry 10:25 News 10:30 Murder, She Wrote 11:20 Jeremy Kyle USA 12:15 Jeremy Kyle 13:15 News 13:20 Jeremy Kyle 14:25 Judge Rinder 15:25 Tipping Point 16:30 Doc Martin 17:30 The Martin Lewis Money Show 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 19:30 You’ve Been Framed

07:15 How I Met Your Mother 07:40 King of Queens 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 The Morning Line 11:00 Frasier 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 13:30 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD 14:30 Racing: Sandown Park, Ffos Las and Wetherby 17:00 Come Dine with Me 19:30 News 20:00 Great Canal Journeys Timothy West and Prunella Scales head to Ireland

21:00 Walking Through Time Investigating the natural disaster that destroyed the massive chalk landbridge that once connected 20:00 Ninja Warrior UK Britain to continental Ben, Rochelle and Chris Europe host the second semi-final 22:00 Film - Prisoners 21:00 Take Me Out Paddy (15) When Keller Dover’s McGuinness hosts another daughter and her friend go edition of the dating show missing, he takes matters into his own hands as the 22:20 The Jonathan Ross police pursue multiple Show Jonathan is joined leads on his famous sofa by a host of stars for a chat 01:00 Film - Friday the 13th (18) 02:45 Hollyoaks 23:20 News 23:40 Film - Omnibus 04:55 Jurassic Park III (PG) 01:15 Undercover Boss Canada Jackpot247 04:00 Murder, 05:45 Hugh’s 3 Good She Wrote 04:50 ITV Things 05:55 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent Nightscreen

07:00 Milkshake 09:55 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 10:30 The Saturday Show 12:30 Fail Army 13:00 Police Interceptors 15:00 Now That’s Funny 16:00 Benefits, Babies and Jail 17:00 Benefits: Can’t Work, Won’t Work 18:00 Benefits 19:00 Celebs on Benefits: Fame to Claim 19:55 News

14:05 You’ve Been Framed 15:10 Film - Mr Bean’s Holiday (PG) 17:00 Film Beethoven (U) 18:50 Catchphrase 19:50 Film The Mummy Returns (12) 22:20 Take Me Out: The Gossip 23:20 The Keith Lemon Sketch Show 23:50 Film - Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (18)

20:00 World War II in Colour This episode looks at Mussolini’s push into North Africa

ITV3

21:00 Ancient Mysteries Archaeologists John Kelly and Tim Pauketat reveal evidence of a once great civilisation who built a thriving metropolis in the heart of North America 22:00 The Championship Kelly Cates and George Riley present highlights of today’s action from the SkyBet Championship, League 1 and League 2 23:00 Goal Rush 23:30 Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 01:15 Super Casino 04:10 Celebrity Botched Up Bodies 05:00 Big Brother: Best Bits 05:50 House Doctor

14:50 Sherlock Holmes 17:00 Columbo 19:05 Midsomer Murders 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 Agatha Christie’s Marple ITV4 13:05 Storage Wars 14:35 Film - No Name on the Bullet (U) 15:35 FYI Daily 16:10 Film - Dunkirk (PG) 17:10 FYI Daily 19:00 FIA Formula e Championship Live 21:30 Storage Wars 22:00 Film - Escape From New York (15) 23:00 FYI Daily

09:00 Trev Massey, 12:00 Neil Couzins, 15:00 Keith Nicol

Sunday 7th February 07:05 A to Z of TV Gardening 08:35 Monty Don’s Secret History of the 09:35 Garden British Countryfile 10:30 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:00 Best Bakes Ever 12:45 Super Bowl 50 Preview 13:15 MOTD2 Extra 14:00 Film - We Dive at Dawn (U) 15:35 Film - None But the Brave (PG) 17:15 Cats v Dogs: Which is Best? 18:15 Flog It 19:15 Ski Sunday

07:00 Fort Boyard Ultimate Challenge 07:25 Pat and Stan 07:35 Dino Dan 08:00 Share a Story 08:05 Sooty 08:15 Super 4 08:30 Scrambled 08:35 Mr Bean 08:50 Horrid Henry 09:10 Nerds and Monsters 09:30 Bear Grylls Survival School 10:05 Tom and Jerry 10:25 FIA Formula e Championship Highlights 11:25 Jeremy Kyle USA 13:20 News 13:30 Off Their Rockers 14:00 Ninja Warrior UK 15:00 Rugby: 6 20:00 Countryfile Ellie and 20:00 Six Nations Rugby Nations Live - Ireland v Matt explore Tyne and Union Highlights of the Wales 18:15 Catchphrase Wear, visiting a lighthouse opening weekend of the 19:00 News 19:30 Planet’s 2016 Six Nations currently being restored Got Talent

07:00 Breakfast 08:35 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions12:00 Sunday Politics 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:15 Homes Under the Hammer 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:15 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off 17:15 Songs of Praise 17:50 Pointless 18:35 Nature’s Miracle Orphans 19:35 News

21:00 Call the Midwife As the modern world begins to encroach on traditional Poplar life, everyone is starting to notice the changes 22:00 War and Peace Chaos takes hold as Napoleon marches into Moscow and the Rostovs rush to leave the city 23:20 News 23:50 Match of the Day 2 00:55 Film - In the Valley of Elah (15) 02:45 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:50 News

21:00 Greece with Simon Reeve Simon travels from the islands of the Aegean to Athens

20:00 Beowulf: Return to the Shieldlands With his intended bride now in Herot, but his heart elsewhere, the walls begin to 22:00 James May’s Cars close in on Slean of the People James explores the wilder shores 21:00 Vera DCI Vera of motoring to discover Stanhope investigates the what happened to the cars mysterious death of a of the future that we were young man whose remains promised were discovered in remote caves Kielty’s Patrick 23:00 Mulholland Drive 23:50 23:00 News 23:15 Rookies NFL Live: Super Bowl 50 00:15 Rugby Highlights 04:30 Countryfile 05:30 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 ITV Nightscreen Holby City

07:15 How I Met Your Mother 07:40 King of Queens 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces 14:30 Location, Location, Location 15:35 Film - Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (U) 17:15 The Simpsons 18:15 News 18:35 Film - X-Men (12) 20:30 The Jump This time the remaining 11 celebrities compete live in the fast and ferocious Snow Cross 22:00 Deutschland 83 While recovering in hospital under his true identity, Martin is reunited with Annett. He wants to stay with her in East Germany but she’s keen for him to go back to the West 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 00:05 Film - Alien 3 (18) 02:05 Embarrassing Bodies 03:00 Come Dine with Me 05:15 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent

07:00 Milkshake 10:55 Teenage Mutant Ninja The 11:30 Turtles Championship 12:30 Goal Police 13:00 Rush Interceptors 14:55 Film My Favorite Martian (PG) 16:40 Film - 3 Men and a Little Lady (PG) 18:35 News 18:40 Film - Little Nicky (15) 20:15 Film - Zoolander (12) At the end of his career, a clueless fashion model is brainwashed to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia The Film 22:00 Two (12) Internship salesmen whose careers have been torpedoed by the digital age find their way into a coveted internship at Google, where they must compete with a group of young, techsavvy geniuses for a shot at employment 00:20 Film - The Green Hornet (12) 02:35 Super Casino 04:10 Ancient Mysteries 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 House Doctor

13:55 Take Me Out: The Gossip 15:00 Grease Live 17:55 Despicable Me: Minion Madness 18:10 Film - Despicable Me (U) 20:00 Film - Legally Blonde (12) 22:00 Ibiza Weekender 23:00 Film American Pie: The Wedding (15) ITV3 14:30 Sherlock Holmes 16:50 Agatha Christie’s Marple 18:55 Midsomer Murders 21:00 Barging Round Britain with John Sergeant 21:30 Barging Round Britain with John Sergeant 22:00 Caroline Quentin’s National Parks 23:00 Mrs Biggs ITV4 12:35 Storage Wars Texas 14:35 Counting Cars 15:25 The Classic Car Show 16:30 Film - No Name on the Bullet (U) 17:30 FYI Daily 18:10 Film - Dunkirk (PG) 19:10 FYI Daily 21:00 Rugby Highlights 22:00 Film - Nighthawks (18)

09:00 Trev Massey, 12:00 Tony De Love, 15:00 Keith Nicol

8 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 The Housing Enforcers 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wanted Down Under Revisited 12:45 Emergency Rescue Down Under 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Father Brown 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Inside Out 21:00 EastEnders Mick discovers a worrying truth about Buster 21:30 Panorama Panorama asks if the police have lost control of the streets and examines how a community can beat the cycle of guns and gangs 22:00 Crimewatch Following last month’s convictions in the recordbreaking Hatton Garden heist, the head of the Flying Squad appears live in the Crimewatch studio to reveal new information and images of the one who got away 23:00 News 23:45 Tracey Ullman’s Show 00:15 Crimewatch Update 00:25 The Graham Norton Show 01:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:15 News

Monday 8th February 1952 07:15 The Housing Enforcers 08:00 Wanted Down Under Revisited 08:45 Escape to the Continent 09:15 Close Calls: On Camera 09:45 Now You See It 10:15 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:05 The Pallisers 15:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 16:00 A Place to Call Home 16:45 The Best Dishes Ever 17:15 Nature’s Great Events 18:15 Flog It 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great American Railroad Journeys 20:00 The Great Interior Design Challenge Three more amateur designers take up the challenge as they each attempt to transform a bedroom in a thatched cottage in Briantspuddle 21:00 University Challenge Quiz 21:30 Mary Berry’s Foolproof Cooking Mary prepares a selection of dishes perfect for outdoor entertaining and lazy summer days 22:00 Rick Stein’s Taste of Shanghai Rick Stein explores the food of Shanghai 23:00 Insert Name Here 23:30 Newsnight 00:15 Greece with Simon Reeve 01:15 Phone Shop Idol 01:45 The Apprentice USA 03:15 This is BBC Two

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale Chas is proud of Aaron’s courage 20:30 Coronation Street Simon kicks off at his football match 21:00 Griff’s Great Britain Griff is in the Lake District where he meets the man who made the longest Cumberland sausage in the world 21:30 Coronation Street Eva tells Aidan about her discovery 22:00 Benidorm Following Pauline’s relapse, the Maltbys decide to cut their holiday short and take her home on the evening flight and It looks as though Mateo’s time in Madrid may be catching up with him as a stranger turns up at reception asking for him 23:00 News 23:45 The Jonathan Ross Show 00:45 Car Crash Britain Caught on Camera 01:40 Jackpot247 04:00 Jeremy Kyle 04:55 ITV Nightscreen

07:00 Countdown 07:45 King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:30 Undercover Boss USA 12:30 Four in a Bed 13:00 News 13:05 Four in a Bed 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A Place in the Sun 18:00 Come Dine Champion of Champions 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 21:00 Dispatches Greg Wise secretly records meetings with tax planners, who are keen to help the rich and famous minimise their tax liabilities or even avoid paying it altogether 21:30 Supershoppers What’s the difference between at £70 polo shirt from Ralph Lauren and a £6 one from George at Asda? Andi and Anna investigate 22:00 Royal Navy School Documentary following two classes of new Royal Navy recruits as they start their training at HMS Raleigh in Torpoint 23:00 Crashing 23:35 Tattoo Fixers 00:35 Bodyshockers 01:35 Keeping Up with the Khans 02:30 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 03:25 Grand Designs 04:25 Beat My Build 05:15 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 Bargain Loving Brits in the Sun 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film - Fatal Friends (15) 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 Ice Road Truckers With temperatures climbing and the winter roads disappearing in the heat, VP Express and Polar are in a hotly-contested race to the finish 21:00 Fail Army Clip show based on the YouTube phenomenon 21:30 The X Files An exciting look behind the scenes of the thrilling return of the series 22:00 The X Files Mulder and Scully are reunited after the collapse of their relationship when a TV host contacts them, believing he has uncovered a significant government conspiracy 23:00 Gotham 23:55 Film Hannibal (18) 02:15 Super Casino 04:10 Autopsy 05:00 Wildlife SOS

08:00 Peter Hurst, 11:00 Dennis Christian, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Andy James, 18:00 Suzy G

DON´T MISS 07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Dinner Date 08:10 Ellen DeGeneres 09:05 Emmerdale 09:35 Coronation Street 10:35 Catchphrase 11:20 Dinner Date 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:40 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Film - The Bourne Identity (12) 00:20 Plebs 01:30 Two and a Half Men

07:00 Man About the House 07:25 Heartbeat 08:30 Where the Heart is 09:35 The Royal 10:35 Judge Judy 11:55 Sherlock Holmes 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:00 Heartbeat 15:05 The Royal 16:05 Where the Heart is 17:15 Man About the House 17:50 Rising Damp 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Lewis 01:05 Sherlock Holmes 02:05 Where the Heart is

07:00 The Professionals 07:55 The Sweeney 08:50 Shed and Buried 09:50 Minder 10:55Magnum, PI 12:00 The Sweeney 13:00 Pawn Stars 13:55 Shed and Buried 14:55 The Professionals 16:00 Magnum, PI 17:00 Minder 18:05 The Sweeney 19:00 Storage Wars Texas 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 Storage Wars 22:00 The Chase: Celebrity Special 23:00 Ax Men 00:00 Bundesliga 01:00 Rugby Highlights 02:00 Film - The Return (15) 03:00 FYI Daily

SOAPS

in getting Aaron to open up. But is the net finally closing in on Gordon, or will he manipulate his way out of it?

Johnny on his own?

In Emmerdale, Aaron reports his father to the police, but he worries about how they’ll prove the allegations. While Cain tells the rest of the family about the abuse, Adam informs Robert that Aaron has gone to the police. Adam is grateful for Robert’s part

Meanwhile, an unwell Vanessa is diagnosed with the norovirus. The doctor advises her to stay away from Johnny for two days. Already struggling enough as it is, how will Kirin cope having to look after

In Coronation Street, As Simon leaves for school, he tells Leanne that he doesn’t want her to watch his football match. Refusing to be put off, Leanne heads to the game anyway with Ken and Zeedan in tow. When she arrives, Leanne is surprised to see Tom, the guy she got talking to last night. Simon is then left furious to see her chatting up the manager. At half time, Simon lays into Leanne for embarrassing him by flirting with Tom and bringing Ken and Zeedan with her. As the football match hots up, Simon tackles another player, bringing him down

NAVY SCHOOL

and causing him to writhe in pain as Leanne watches in horror...

Princess Elizabeth has formally proclaimed herself Queen and Head of the Commonwealth and Defender of the Faith. Lords of the Council - numbering 150 - representatives from the Commonwealth, officials from the City of London including the Lord Mayor and other dignitaries witnessed the accession of the deceased king's eldest daughter this morning. The new monarch read an official Proclamation - also ordered to be published declaring her reign as Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second. Queen Elizabeth II read: "By the sudden death of my dear father I am called to assume the duties and responsibilities of sovereignty." "My heart is too full for me to say more to you today than I shall always work, as my father did throughout his reign, to advance the happiness and prosperity of my peoples, spread as they are all the world over." Her husband, Prince Philip of Greece, the Duke of Edinburgh, was also present at the 20 minute meeting at St James's Palace. The couple returned to the UK yesterday after cutting short a tour of the Commonwealth - beginning in Kenya a week ago because of King George VI's sudden death on 6 February.

CHANNEL 4 22.00 Documentary following two classes of new Royal Navy recruits as they start their training at HMS Raleigh in Torpoint, Cornwall. In the first episode, a fresh intake arrives at HMS Raleigh to begin 10 weeks of training, the first two of which can make or break their career. Exhaustion and homesickness leave teenager Harland ques-

New Queen proclaimed for UK

tioning if this life is really for him, while the eldest member Craig Rowan (32) sees this as his last chance to make something of himself.

Meanwhile, Kevin is pleased when Jason and Phelan assure him they should finish the Arches today. Anna overhears Phelan on the phone unsuccessfully touting for more work.

In Eastenders, Denise confides in Carmel about how she’s been trying to find Jordan recently. Carmel tells Denise that she should let it go if Jordan doesn’t want to be found, but when it’s clear that Denise is determined, Carmel relents by showing her a way she can check on him.

When we return for the second episode, Simon assures Leanne that it was an accident and he didn’t mean to break Kyle’s leg, but Leanne is deeply worried as Kyle is stretchered from the pitch. When Leanne seems reluctant to believe that it wasn’t deliberate, Simon lashes out by hitting Ken’s car with his bag.

Later, Patrick makes a confession to Denise - he told Gloria not to call her if she does find Jordan. He also makes it clear that if she goes to meet Jordan, she is on her own. As a result, Denise packs up and moves back over the Square. When Carmel continues to offer advice, Denise agrees to stop chasing Jordan and

During the ceremonies the 25-year-old Queen also took an oath to assure the security of the Church. makes up with Patrick and Kim. However, she’s soon shocked to find Jordan waiting for her. He tells her that she needs to leave him alone. Meanwhile, things are not right between Shirley and Buster. Mick and Lee are shocked when they stumble in on him packing to leave.

Tuesday 9th February

1983 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 The Housing Enforcers 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wanted Down Under Revisited 12:45 Emergency Rescue Down Under 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Father Brown 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders Nancy is made a surprising offer, but will she go through with it? 21:00 Holby City A figure from Dominic’s past makes an unwelcome return, with traumatic consequences 22:00 Happy Valley Eighteen months have passed, and Catherine is spinning plates at work and at home, where Ryan approaches his tenth birthday. Tommy, serving a life sentence in a high-security prison, finds a way of keeping a watchful eye over Ryan from behind bars, while Catherine becomes a murder suspect after finding a dead body 23:00 News 23:45 Live at the Apollo 00:15 Troll Hunters 01:15 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:20 News

07:15 The Housing Enforcers 08:00 Wanted Down Under Revisited 08:45 Emergency Rescue Down Under 09:15 Close Calls: On Camera 09:45 Great British Railway Journeys 10:15 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:15 The Super League Show 15:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 16:00 A Place to Call Home 16:45 The Best Dishes Ever 17:15 Nature’s Great Events 18:15 Flog It 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great American Railroad Journeys 20:00 The Great Interior Design Challenge The three remaining designers work on a smart Georgian terrace in Bath 21:00 Back in Time for the Weekend The AshbyHawkins family sample life in the 1960s 22:00 The Real Marigold Hotel The group take part in laughing yoga 23:00 Phone Shop Idol 23:30 Newsnight 00:15 The Story of China 01:15 Super Bowl 50 - Highlights 02:05 Immortal Egypt with Joann Fletcher 03:05 Trust Me, I’m a Doctor 04:05 This is BBC Two

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale Carly is alarmed by Kirin 20:30 The Kyle Files Jeremy investigates the food industry and confronts takeaway restaurant owners after discovering cases of food fraud 21:00 Sugar Free Farm In the final episode with the experiment drawing to a close, Arg has a break from farm life - but will he be able to remain sugar free in Marbella? 22:00 Car Crash Britain Caught on Camera Stories include footage of the terrifying moment a woman found herself trapped in a car filling with water after crashing into a ditch and motorists reveal how they discovered that mechanics were taking their cars on secret joyrides 23:00 News 23:40 River Monsters 00:40 Double Decker Driving School 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film - A Surrogate’s Terror (15) 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News

21:00 The Secret Life of the Zoo Chester’s Penguin Island is home to Rud and has been with his partner, Spike, for over 15 years. However, keepers are concerned that Rud’s arthritic hip could be affecting his quality of life

21:00 Bargain Loving Brits in the Sun How former Wigan pub landladies Jill and Maria have successfully swapped their lifestyles after buying a caravan for £300 and moving to Benidorm

22:00 The Supervet A five-year-old Great Dane is rushed to Fitzpatrick Referrals after losing the use of her back legs 23:00 18 Kids and Counting 00:00 First Dates 01:05 Three Wives, One Husband 02:00 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:30 Gillette World Sport 03:00 Embarrassing Bodies 03:55 Beat My Build 04:50 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 05:45 Deal or No Deal

20:00 The Dog Rescuers with Alan Davies Matt calls in the fire brigade to help rescue a terrier

22:00 The Great British Benefits Handout Three unemployed families are given a cash lump sum of £26,000 in return for signing off 23:00 Prison Brides 00:00 The X Files 01:00 Nevada Triangle: The Missing Evidence 01:55 Super Casino 04:10 10,000 BC: Two Tribes 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 HouseBusters 05:45 House Doctor

08:00 Peter Hurst, 11:00 Dennis Christian, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Andy James, 18:00 Suzy G

DON´T MISS 07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Dinner Date 08:10 Ellen DeGeneres 09:05 Emmerdale 09:35 Coronation Street 10:35 Catchphrase 11:20 Dinner Date 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:40 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Film - 300 (15) 00:20 Mom 00:50 Two and a Half Men 01:45 Ibiza Weekender

07:00 Man About the House 07:25 Heartbeat 08:30 Where the Heart is 09:35 The Royal 10:40 Judge Judy 12:00 Sherlock Holmes 13:05 Murder, She Wrote 14:05 Heartbeat 15:10 The Royal 16:10 Where the Heart is 17:20 Man About the House 17:50 Rising Damp 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 Lewis 01:00 Sherlock Holmes

07:00 The Professionals 07:50 The Sweeney 08:50 Shed and Buried 09:50 Minder 10:55 Magnum, PI 11:55 The Sweeney 12:55 Pawn Stars 13:55 Shed and Buried 14:55 The Professionals 15:55 Magnum, PI 17:00 Minder 18:00 The Sweeney 19:00 The Professionals 20:00 Pawn Stars 20:55 The Chase: Celebrity Special 22:00 River Monsters 23:00 Film - Mercury Rising (15) 01:20 Film Nighthawks (18)

SOAPS

away. Kirin pleads with her not to tell Vanessa, but can Carly keep this from her friend?

the police arrive, wanting to talk to Cain about an attempted murder...

In Emmerdale, Kirin despairs as he continues to look after a crying Johnny on his own. He grabs a can of beer, turning the music up in order to drown Johnny out. Soon afterwards, a frustrated Kirin is at the end of his tether and screams in Johnny’s face. Carly sees him and takes Johnny

Meanwhile, Robert tells Aaron that he was proud of him for going to the police, but Aaron is tormented. Gordon threatens to get Cain sent down for what he did, unless Aaron tells the police that he lied about the abuse. Gordon is adamant that Aaron won’t win, leaving him shaken. Aaron tells Chas about Gordon’s threat and she’s shocked when he says that he’s leaving. Later, Moira and Chas try to hide their dread when

In Eastenders, Denise tries to reason with Jordan and get to the bottom of what’s going on, but Kim interrupts and lashes out at the rebellious teen. Jordan is adamant that Denise needs to keep out of his life, but he eventually starts opening up to her.

BBC1 22.00

Later, Jordan complies when Patrick gets involved and tells Jordan to go. Patrick and Kim both try to convince Denise that it’s for the best. However, before he leaves the Square, Jordan’s past catches up with him when a group of men attack him. Meanwhile, Lee and Mick try to convince Buster not to leave, reminding him of how much he has to stick around for. Shirley soon arrives too, but can anyone convince Buster to change his mind? Elsewhere, as Linda’s event continues at The Vic, a rowdy punter called

Shergar's

A nationwide hunt for 1981 Derby winner Shergar has begun in Ireland. The prize stallion was kidnapped last night from stables in County Kildare owned by the Aga Khan and his family for 60 years. The unidentified kidnappers - numbering at least six - told head groom James Fitzgerald they would telephone a ransom demand by lunchtime today but have still made no contact. His trainer Michael Stoute said: "Shergar was the best horse I have ever trained and I only hope to God nothing happens to him." Nicknamed "Shergar the wonder-horse", he has been valued by Lloyds of London at £10 million at stud and carried an insurance premium of £300,000 when he was in competition. A bay colt with a distinctive white blaze, Shergar was named European Horse of the Year in 1981 and retired from racing that September. He is owned by a syndicate including Islamic leader the Aga Khan. The breeding season starts in a week's time and Shergar was due to start his second season as a stud - to mate with up to 55 mares.

HAPPY VALLEY

The return of the crime drama by Sally Wainwright, starring Sarah Lancashire as Police Sergeant Catherine Cawood, picking up 18 months after the events of series one. While out solving a case of sheep rustling, Catherine discovers a decomposed body hidden in a garage on a

Police hunt kidnappers

local estate, and soon finds herself in the middle of a murder investigation. Tommy, now serving life in a high-security prison, is given some unexpected news and seeks comfort in a mysterious female visitor.

So far his fertility rate has been impressive as 42 of the mares he covered last year are in foal and another has already given birth.

Thelma corners Nancy and encourages her to go for a trial as an assistant manager at another pub.

contact - reminds her of Dom. However, Dom is stunned when Alison’s husband arrives and it’s his ex-boyfriend Lee.

In Holby City, Ric chooses Arthur over Dom to represent the Keller junior doctors with regard to the CQC inspection. He just doesn’t think Dom has the necessary gravitas. When patient Alison Jones is admitted with abdominal injuries, Dom sees an opportunity to prove Ric wrong. While Alison’s checks are carried out, she strikes up a sparky banter with Dom. She tells him that her husband - whom she’s keen to

The kidnap - the first of its kind in Ireland.

Lee is as bold as brass, embracing Dom and telling him that Alison knows all about the wonderful doctor who treated his cancer. As Lee attempts to emotionally manipulate him, can Dominic keep a clear head and focus on his job?

CODE CRACKER

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD

Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 10 represents R and 14 represents P, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Seedless mandarin orange (7) 4 Change (5) 7 Head covering (5) 9 Enlisted person (7) 10 Articulate (7) 11 Grab (5) 12 Hate (6) 14 Canter (6) 18 Original (5) 20 Blow up (7) 22 Country on the Adriatic (7) 23 Depart (5) 24 Work out (5) 25 Completely committed

(7) Down 1 Hang (7) 2 Hobo (5) 3 Lend a hand (6) 4 Broods (5) 5 Beginning (7) 6 Brief (5) 8 Clasp (5) 13 Confusion (7) 15 Horrific (5) 16 Feign (7) 17 Long-bodied reptile (6) 18 Concentrate (5) 19 Heading (5) 21 To one side (5)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Tapers, 5 Settle, 8 Type, 9 Caffeine, 10 Distress, 11 Best, 12 Genius, 14 Stench, 16 Eats, 18 Shilling, 20 Diligent, 21 Arid, 22 Legend, 23 Yonder. Down: 2 Anytime, 3 Elect, 4 Success, 5 Sifts, 6 Tremble, 7 Links, 13 Inspire, 14 Swiftly, 15 Concise, 17 Abide, 18 Spend, 19 Learn.

Scribble Pad

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 7 Face it, it’s just an advertisement about a cafe (6) 8 Seasonal fare for holiday destination (6) 9 Mother begins zealously to find her way out of it (4) 10 Annoys men in the reformed Trots (8) 11 It might be a boundary in sport (7) 13 Tedious driller (5) 15 Notice women at little church (5) 17 Boz ages terribly in summerhouses (7) 20 Cooked George caviare in the rectory (8) 21 Skewer found in hospital waiting room (4) 22 With her former husband in tow, the Princess made for the outhouse (6) 23 When pressed, me and Ron will stay with Ed

Down 1 Lady collecting silver, what’s the cost? (6) 2 Get a new barrier (4) 3 Write out a melody for a Roman god (7) 4 Sort Kelvin out with a bird (5) 5 The Gunner’s leader regrets nothing by half time. That’s frightful (8) 6 Volkswagen car – one in drive, perhaps (6) 12 Cancel my new flower (8) 14 Jane, at precisely 5.51, is about to compete in a throwing contest (7) 16 Saline mixture is for strangers (6) 18 ‘Jamie’ the musical (6) 19 Boxed disc about a period (5) 21 Bush, dull to listen to (4)

Down STANDARD CLUES 1 Cause harm to (6) Across 7 Building front (6) 2 Box office receipts (4) 8 Large domesticated bird 3 Poseidon's counterpart (6) (7) 9 Labyrinth (4) 10 Inflicts mental anguish 4 Large wading bird (5) on (8) 5 Shockingly repellent (8) 11 Barrier (7) 6 Insect (6) 13 Drill for penetrating rock 12 Houseplant (8) (5) 14 Athletics event (7) 15 Look attentively (5) 17 Summerhouses (7) 16 Foreigners (6) 20 Church officer's resi- 18 Dickens-based musical dence (8) (6) 21 Rain gently (4) 22 Addition that extends a 19 Confined (5) 21 Small, sour dark purple main building (6) 23 Smoothed out (6) fruit (4) Last weeks Solution Across: 7 Radial, 8 Austen, 9 Dare, 10 Elevates, 11 Feasted, 13 Zooms, 15 Taxes, 17 Foreman, 20 Fuselage, 21 Loom, 22 Remote, 23 Tennis. Down:: 1 Manage, 2 Mine, 3 Sleeper, 4 Cadet, 5 Escalope, 6 Redeem, 12 Skeleton, 14 Poverty, 16 Amused, 18 Adonis, 19 Wager, 21 Lend.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Bed Bib But Eft Led Log Oaf Ode Pet Sad Sea Tot 4 letter words Alas Alto Arab

Area Aria Bang Beat Beer Bias Duff Eggs Erst Folk Game Gone Idea Idle Kiln Knot Lima Long Lota

Oats Oven Over Redo Role Rule Sail Scam Sled Stot Swat Togs Tome Ulna 5 letter words Adage Alert Angel

Attic Cello Clots Elope Enrol Horde Inuit Knots Mania Odour Roost Salsa Selfs Stent Tapas Tasty Tempo Tenet Towel

6 letter words Ascend Ethics Floats Moaner Series Shirks 7 letter words Basinet Hostile Stinker Tersely 8 letter words Appeases Foredoom

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Inútil (inepto) (7) 5 Espalda (4) 8 Holly (5) 9 Heads (body parts) (7) 11 Eastern (side, part) (4) 12 Lazy (idle) (8) 15 Votante (5) 16 Boxing (5) 19 Amount (quantity) (8) 21 Remover (sopa) (4) 23 Beehive (7) 25 January (5) 26 Aficionados (de equipo, grupo) (4) 27 Garajes (7)

Down 2 Maíz dulce (9) 3 Lion (4) 4 Sagrado (lugar, libro) (6) 5 Abeja (3) 6 Garras (de animal) (5) 7 Cuevas (5) 10 Broccoli (6) 13 Allá (4,5) 14 Receta (6) 17 Hammock (bed) (6) 18 Tree (5) 20 Now (at this time, immediately) (5) 22 Yolk (of egg) (4) 24 More (3)

11 Across 1 Style of rock music derived from punk, typically with apocalyptic or mystical lyrics (4) 3 Type of coffee made with milk that has been frothed up with pressurised steam (10) 10 Athletic contest in which a very heavy round ball is thrown as far as possible. (4,3) 11 Song written and originally released by Otis Redding in 1965, which became a 1967 hit and signature song for Aretha Franklin (7) 12 Compressed mixture of meat and spices, coated in breadcrumbs and fried (7) 13 Male reproductive organ of a flower (6) 15 Scottish name for turnips (5) 16 Understanding of a situation or event only after it has happened or developed (9) 18 Ship in which the Pilgrim Fathers sailed from England to Massachusetts

in 1620 (9) 21 Second largest city in Iraq (5) 23 Projecting piece on a sundial that shows the time by the position of its shadow (6) 25 Art of Japanese flower arrangement, with formal display according to strict rules (7) 27 Hebrew prophet of the 6th century BC who prophesied the forthcoming destruction of Jerusalem and the Jewish nation and inspired hope for the future well-being of a restored state (7) 28 Fictional global terrorist organisation led by evil genius and super-villain Ernst Stavro Blofeld that feature in the James Bond books and films (7) 29 Misanthrope who dislikes women in particular (10) 30 Flat, low-lying areas of eastern England, mainly in L i n c o l n s h i r e , Cambridgeshire and Norfolk (4)

SUDOKU (Very Easy)

Quiz Word

Down 1 Practice or art of choosing, cooking, and eating good food (10) 2 1982 American come-

dy-drama film that tells the story of a talented but volatile actor, played by Dustin Hoffman, whose reputation for being difficult

forces him to adopt a new identity as a woman to land a job (7) 4 American clarinettist, composer and bandleader, born Arthur Jacob Arshawsky on May 23, 1910 (5,4) 5 Capital and largest city of France (5) 6 British pop group from Lincoln who are best known for their 1968 UK hit single Jesamine (7) 7 Lettuce with crisp tightly packed light-green leaves in a firm head (7) 8 Commitment to tell the truth, especially in a court of law (4) 9 BBC TV series (2002 2010) that followed the work of a group of MI5 officers based at the service’s Thames House headquarters, in a highly secure suite of offices known as The Grid (6) 14 Plans or schemes, especially ones used to outwit an opponent or achieve an end (10) 17 In Greek mythology, a

beautiful young man who fell in love with his own reflection (9) 19 American professional baseball team based in the Bronx that competes in Major League Baseball (MLB) in the American League’s (AL) East Division: New York ------- (7) 20 Small, short-tailed, thickset rodent related to the voles, found in the Arctic tundra (7) 21 Former type of military commission conferred especially for outstanding service, by which an officer was promoted to a higher rank without the corresponding pay (6) 22 Major port of entry and the largest city in Washington (7) 24 Tough, lightweight, elastic synthetic polymer with a protein-like chemical structure, able to be produced as filaments, sheets or moulded (5) 26 Gymnastic apparatus used by women gymnasts (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH EL VIENTO – THE WIND

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

movies/tv QUIZ

ANSEWRS 1. Roald Dahl 2. Hocus Pocus 3. Sylvester Stallone 4. Mickey Rooney 5. The Great Dictator, Adenoid Hinkel 6. Burt Lancaster 7. Stuffing birds 8. Tinker Bell 9. Mogwi 10. Bartender 11. Roy Rodgers 12. Randolph Scott.

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Belts up, 5 Asphalt, 8 Nomad, 9 Perdition, 11 Night watchman, 13 Abseil, 16 Stunt man, 18 Sinecure, 19 Seesaw, 24 Pinking shears, 26 Chameleon, 27 Noise, 28 Traumas, 29 Aniseed. Down: 1 Bonanza, 2 Limoges, 3 Sadat, 4 Poplar, 5 Atrocity, 6 Alien, 7 Tango, 10 Immense, 12 Dana, 14 Bail, 15 Incense, 17 Trainers, 20 Seaside, 21 West End, 22 Uganda, 23 Yacht, 24 Plaza, 25 Hanoi.

energía eólica

contra el viento

la ala delta

el huracán

la cometa

el molinito

la vela

el molino

turbina eólica

el planeador

viento en popa

el velero

viento fuerte

Empareja estas palabras - Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz. 1.aires de cambio,

14.viento fuerte.

j.the hang glider, k.the glider,

2.contra el viento, 3.el huracán,

l.the wind mill,

4.el molinito, 5.el molino,

a.the sail, b.the hurricane,

m.the sailing boat,

6.el planeador, 7.el velero,

c.against the wind,

n.strong wind.

8.energía eólica, 9.la ala delta,

d.before the wind,

10.la cometa, 11.la vela,

e.winds of change,

12.turbina eólica,

f.wind power, g.wind generator,

13.viento en popa,

h.the toy wind mill, i.the kite,

Soduko

Span - Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1e, 2c, 3b, 4h, 5l, 6k, 7m, 8f, 9j, 10i, 11a, 12g, 13d, 14n.

1. Which author wrote the screenplay fot the movie 'You Only Live Twice'? 2. Which 1993 Disney film starred Bet Middler as a witch? 3. Who starred as Rocky Balboa? 4. Joe Yule Jr. who was born in 1920 became famous using what stage name? 5. In which film did Charlie Chaplain have his first speaking part in 1940? 6. What star once sold lingerie door to door? 7. What was Norman Bate's hobby in the movie 'Psycho'? 8. Marilyn Munroe was the model for which Disney Character? 9. In the film 'Gremlins' what is the true name for Gizmos race? 10. Sandra Bullock, Kris Christophensen and Bruce Willis all had what job before acting? 11. Leonard Sly became which famous actor? 12. Randolph Crane became famous as which cowboy actor?

aires de cambio

Fill It In

Wednesday 10th February 2005

07:00 Breakfast 10:15 The Housing Enforcers 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wanted Down Under Revisited 12:45 Emergency Rescue Down Under 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Father Brown 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off The celebrities taking up the baking baton this time are Geri Horner, John Simpson, Jermaine Jenas, and Louise Redknapp 22:00 New Tricks UCOS investigate the murder of Max Klein, an East German immigrant whose mysterious last words translated as ‘blue flower.’ As the team piece together Max’s remarkable story, Pullman attempts to gain the trust of his estranged daughter Mia 23:00 News 23:45 A Question of Sport 00:15 Film 2016 00:45 Film Michael Clayton (15) 02:40 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:45 News

07:15 The Housing Enforcers 08:00 Wanted Down Under Revisited 08:45 Emergency Rescue Down Under 09:15 Close Calls: On Camera 09:45 Mary Berry’s Foolproof Cooking 10:15 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 12:30 The Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:05 The Pallisers 15:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 16:00 A Place to Call Home 16:45 The Best Dishes Ever 17:15 Nature’s Great Events 18:15 Flog It 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great American Railroad Journeys 20:00 The Great Interior Design Challenge The two remaining designers transform two tiny bedrooms in medieval timber framed houses in Sussex 21:00 £100k House: Tricks of the Trade Chris and Claire need a solution to a problem with privacy 22:00 How to Die: Simon’s Choice The story of Simon, as he faces the diagnosis of an aggressive form of motor neurone disease as he considers ending his life at a Swiss suicide clinic 23:30 Newsnight 00:10 Russell Howard’s Good News 00:40 World’s Weirdest Events 01:40 Attenborough and the Giant Dinosaur 02:40 This is BBC Two

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale Carly tells Vanessa the truth 20:30 Coronation Street Leanne’s decision weighs heavy 21:00 Midsomer Murders A Saint’s bones are discovered during an archaeological dig, causing a stir in the village of Midsomer Cicely. However, when the dig’s leader is murdered, DCI Barnaby and DS Nelson are presented with a complex investigation as they hunt for the perpetrator. As the duo unearth more evidence, they soon discover that it is not only skeletons that have been long buried in the hallowed ground. Detective drama, starring Neil Dudgeon, Gwilym Lee, Manjinder Virk, Fiona Dolman and Malcolm Sinclair 23:00 News 23:40 Parking Wars 00:40 The Kyle Files 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 Jeremy Kyle USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 Benefits 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film My Family’s Secret 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News

21:00 Posh Pawn Prestige Pawnbrokers boss James heads to Ibiza to appraise a luxury speedboat worth over £100,000 and a diamond ring that gets him hot under the collar

21:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors Dr Chris Pearce meets an anxious vicar who is concerned that a bloodshot eye will prevent him leading a funeral the next day

22:00 24 Hours in A and E Charulata is rushed to A&E after collapsing at home with signs of a stroke. Charulata has a previous history of strokes, has diabetes and is waiting for a heart bypass 23:00 Bodyshockers 00:05 Royal Navy School 01:10 The Last Leg Goes Down Under 02:05 Film - (500) Days of Summer (12) 03:45 Undercover Boss Canada 04:35 Beat My Build 05:30 Hugh’s 3 Good Things 05:45 Deal or No Deal

20:00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door A wheelie bin and a birthday cake spark off a dirty war between two neighbours in Wales

22:00 Violent Child, Desperate Parents Pioneering behavioural therapist Mandy Saligari takes on some of the UK’s most violent and difficult children. In South Wales Mandy tackles one of the most troubling cases she has ever seen 23:00 10,000 BC: Two Tribes 00:00 Katie Price: In Therapy 00:55 Botched Up Bodies 01:50 Super Casino 04:10 10,000 BC

08:00 Peter Hurst, 11:00 Dennis Christian, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Andy James, 18:00 Suzy G

DON´T MISS 07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Dinner Date 08:10 Ellen DeGeneres 09:05 Emmerdale 09:35 The Cube 10:35 Catchphrase 11:20 Dinner Date 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 100% You’ve Been Framed 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:40 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Film - Sex and the City 2 (15)

07:00 Man About the House 07:25 Heartbeat 08:25 Where the Heart is 09:30 The Royal 10:35 Judge Judy 11:55 Sherlock Holmes 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:00 Heartbeat 15:05 The Royal 16:05 Where the Heart is 17:15 Man About the House 17:55 In Loving Memory 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Paul O’Grady: For The Love of Dogs 22:00 Martin Clunes: A Lion Called Mugie 23:00 Lewis

SOAPS

wrong impression. She accuses Kirin of harming Johnny, leaving Vanessa baffled.

In Emmerdale, Kirin is relieved when Carly returns and reluctantly hands Johnny back, but she is unconvinced when he promises that nothing like that will happen again. Later, Leyla collapses. Carly sees the ambulance that has come for her and immediately gets the

Meanwhile, Tess opens up to Rhona about a married man she’s been seeing. Rhona advises her to do what makes her happy. How will Paddy react when Rhona tells him about Tess’s plans to move to the village, as well as the ‘news’ that she’s had an affair with a married man? In Coronation Street, Simon is contrite as he hands Eva a birthday card, but Leanne can barely look at him. Eva urges Leanne to think

07:00 Football’s Greatest 07:05 The Professionals 07:55 The Sweeney 08:50 Shed and Buried 09:50 Minder 10:55 Magnum, PI 11:55 The Sweeney 13:00 Pawn Stars 13:55 Shed and Buried 14:55 The Professionals 15:55 Magnum, PI 16:55 Minder 18:00 The Sweeney 19:00 The Professionals 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 Storage Wars Texas 22:00 Benidorm 23:00 Film - The Long Kiss Goodnight (18) 01:25Film - The Fog (15) carefully before reporting Simon to the police. Soon afterwards, Tom calls at the Bistro and tells Leanne that Kyle’s leg injury is very serious and he may never play football again. Devastated, Leanne reaches a decision and with a heavy heart, reports Simon to the police, listing all the occasions on which he has abused her and explaining about the latest incident involving Kyle. Anna calls in the garage and apologises to Kevin. She suggests they wipe the slate clean. Kevin agrees, and at his suggestion, they join Tim and Sally for dinner. However,

HOW TO DIE: SIMON’S CHOICE

when Sally bores Anna to death about her council campaign, Anna loses her temper again. Thrusting some cash at Kevin, she stalks out of the Bistro. Erica clocks Izzy struggling to carry some rolls of fabric. She offers to help,

Prince Charles will marry his long-term partner Camilla Parker Bowles on 8 April, Clarence House says. Mrs Parker Bowles will take the title HRH Duchess of Cornwall after the civil ceremony at Windsor Castle. When the Prince of Wales, 56, becomes king, 57-yearold Camilla will not be known as Queen Camilla but as the Princess Consort, Clarence House added. Princes William and Harry said they were "very happy" and wished the couple "all the luck in the future". Charles said he and his wife-to-be were "absolutely delighted". The move will end years of speculation on a relationship which has spanned the decades since they first met in 1970. The wedding will be a civil ceremony, which will be followed by a service of prayer and dedication in St George's Chapel at which the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, will preside. Then they pushed the horse and head groom into a horsebox and drove off.

BBC2 22.00 Film-maker Rowan Deacon documents the story of successful businessman, Simon, as he faces the diagnosis of an aggressive form of motor neurone disease. Confronted with the prospect of rapid physical decline, he considers ending his life at a Swiss sui-

Charles and Camilla to be married

cide clinic. The film follows Simon and his family as they grapple with the moral, emotional and legal dilemmas surrounding his choice, and the difficult questions unearthed by their conflicting perspectives. but aware Izzy won’t accept charity, she suggests in return Izzy teaches her to sew. Izzy agrees, on condition it remains their secret.Still sporting an itchy rash, Beth tells Nick that he owes her a free meal. Finally, as Todd

Mr Fitzgerald was released four hours later and 40 miles away from the stud farm. Detectives questioned him for several hours before putting listening devices in his home. proudly shows off his first bouquet, Tracy is scathing. Todd blames her mood on Robert’s fling with Carla. When Tracy suggests to Robert they could have an afternoon lie down, Robert is not interested. Tracy is hurt.

Thursday 11th February

1990 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 The Housing Enforcers 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wanted Down Under Revisited 12:45 Emergency Rescue Down Under 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Father Brown 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders Denise’s family rallies round her, but will she listen to their advice? 21:00 Dickensian Honoria’s life is in peril and only Captain Hawdon can help her, but will his feud with Frances prevent him? 21:30 Room 101 Frank Skinner hosts as James Acaster, Kirsty Wark and Heston Blumenthal compete to have their pet hates consigned to Room 101 22:00 Death in Paradise The team enter the highpressure world of fine dining when a well-known chef is murdered in his own restaurant 23:00 News 23:45 Question Time 00:45 This Week 01:30 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:35 News

07:15 The Housing Enforcers 08:00 Wanted Down Under Revisited 08:45 Escape to the Continent 09:15 Great British Menu 09:45 Close Calls: On Camera 10:15 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:05 The Pallisers 15:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 16:00 A Place to Call Home 16:45 The Best Dishes Ever 17:15 Nature’s Great Events 18:15 Flog It 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great American Railroad Journeys

20:00 Sea Cities The Royal Marines Band Service auditions for new recruits

21:00 Emmerdale Tess calls Rhona

21:00 Cats v Dogs: Which is Best? Chris Packham and Liz Bonnin battle it out to find the definitive answer 22:00 The Story of China The tale of the Ming dynasty begins with the story of Hongwu, a peasant rebel who founded one of greatest eras in Chinese history 23:00 The Clare Balding Show 23:30 Newsnight 00:15 James May’s Cars of the People 01:15 Panorama 01:45 The Story of China 02:45 Victorian Bakers 03:45 This is BBC Two

20:00 Emmerdale Rakesh is concerned as Kirin is in turmoil 20:30 Tonight Six out of ten women think starting a family has had a negative effect on their job So can women really ‘have it all’ in 21st-century Britain

21:30 Birds of a Feather A surprise visitor in the form of attractive Emma turns up at Tracey’s house Tracey is welcoming, Dorien is shocked to the core, and Travis is over the moon 22:00 Jericho Annie and Johnny panic when they discover the planned quarry site could unearth their terrible secret and Charles unwittingly uncovers a secret that will change things forever 23:00 News 23:40 Car Crash Britain Caught on Camera 00:40 Murder, She Wrote 01:35 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen

07:00 Countdown 07:45 King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:30 Undercover Boss USA 12:30 Four in a Bed 13:00 News 13:05 Four in a Bed 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A Place in the Sun 18:00 Come Dine Champion of Champions 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 21:00 Location, Location, Location Phil Spencer catches up with a house hunter who was struggling to make headway in Hertfordshire and a couple who were feeling floored by the manic London property market 22:00 Keeping Up with the Khans This episode focuses on the Roma community. Over the past five years more than 1500 Roma migrants from Slovakia have moved into Page Hall’s tightly packed terraced streets 23:00 Britain’s Weirdest Council Houses 00:05 24 Hours in A and E 01:10 My Baggy Body 02:05 Embarrassing Bodies 03:00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 03:50 Dispatches 04:20 Back From the Dead 05:15 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 Celebs on Benefits: Fame to Claim 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film - Guilty at 17 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild In Alaska, Ben meets Mike and Fran, who live in a self-built log cabin in a remote spot ten days’ walk from civilisation 21:00 Winter Road Rescue Stewart responds when a woman is stranded alone on the M62 in torrential rain. Rob helps a family with a three-year-old child are locked out of their car, 500 metres up in Snowdonia 22:00 Inside the World’s Toughest Prisons Documentary series following crime journalist Paul Connolly as he goes behind the bars of some of the world’s most notorious prisons 23:00 10,000 BC: Two Tribes 00:00 The Great British Benefits Handout

08:00 Peter Hurst, 11:00 Dennis Christian, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Andy James, 18:00 Suzy G

DON´T MISS 07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Dinner Date 08:10 Ellen DeGeneres 09:05 Emmerdale 09:35 Coronation Street 10:05 You’ve Been Framed 10:35 Catchphrase 11:20 Dinner Date 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:15 You’ve Been Framed 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:40 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 19:50 The Hot Desk 20:00 You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Scorpion 23:00 The Keith Lemon Sketch Show

07:00 Man About the House 07:25 Heartbeat 08:25 Where the Heart is 09:30 The Royal 10:35 Judge Judy 11:55 Sherlock Holmes 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:05 Heartbeat 15:05 The Royal 16:10 Where the Heart is 17:15 Man About the House 17:50 In Loving Memory 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Doc Martin 22:00 Britain’s Busiest Airport Heathrow 23:00 Lewis 01:05 Sherlock Holmes

07:00 Football’s Greatest: Ronaldo 07:05 The Professionals 07:55 The Sweeney 08:50 Shed and Buried 09:50 Minder 10:55 Magnum, PI 12:00 The Sweeney 13:00 Pawn Stars 13:55 Shed and Buried 14:55 The Professionals 16:00 Magnum, PI 17:00 Minder 18:00 The Sweeney19:00 The Professionals 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00The Classic Car Show 22:00 Film - GoldenEye (12)

FLOOD CHAOS: WINTER ROAD RESCUE

The work of RAC patrols and other recovery specialists operating around the clock to make sure the UK does not grind to a halt when winter weather hits. RAC patrolman Stewart responds when a woman is stranded alone on the M62 in torrential rain, and has to work on

her car within inches of lorries passing by at 70 miles per hour. In Wales, a family are locked out of their car, while Malcolm is called to help motorists stranded by a full-scale flood in Lancashire.

SOAPS

ing uncontrollably. She gets out of her car and brings up Rhona’s number. Rhona answers the phone to an upset Tess and agrees to meet with her, much to Paddy’s horror....

moil and sits in the car drinking vodka. Nikhil tries to stop him from driving but he speeds off, narrowly avoiding Brenda.

Meanwhile, Kirin sees the missed calls from Vanessa and knows he needs to talk to her.

impressed with herself. She decides she doesn’t want it taking down after all but Dan is incredulous!

In Emmerdale, Paddy is shocked when Tess declares that she wants him to leave Rhona and be with her. Paddy struggles with his temper and tells her to go as she continues to put pressure on him. Tess throws a glass at the wall and leaves in an upset state.

Meanwhile, a drunken Kirin pleads with Vanessa for a chance to see Johnny, but she tells him to come back when he’s sober. Adam suggests giving Kirin a second chance with Johnny, but Kirin sees them all together and storms out. Rakesh is taken aback and worried when Kirin confesses what he did to Johnny.

While out driving, Tess pulls over into a layby, cry-

Later, Kirin is clearly in tur-

CHANNEL5 21.00

In the second episode, Paddy tries to dissuade Rhona from going to see Tess, explaining that she tried it on with Marlon. Paddy then gets in the car, dreading what’s about to happen.

Despite Dan’s reluctance, Kerry convinces him to watch the sex tape and is

for

Nelson

Leading anti-apartheid campaigner Nelson Mandela has been freed from prison in South Africa after 27 years. His release follows the relaxation of apartheid laws - including lifting the ban on leading black rights party the African National Congress (ANC) - by South African President FW de Klerk. Mr Mandela appeared at the gates of Victor-Verster Prison in Paarl at 1614 local time - an hour late with his wife Winnie. Holding her hand and dressed in a light brown suit and tie he smiled at the ecstatic crowds and punched the air in a victory salute before taking a silver BMW sedan to Cape Town, 40 miles away. People danced in the streets across the country and thousands clamoured to see him at a rally in Cape Town. Doctors treated over a hundred people as police clashed with youths looting shops in various cities and townships and several people were reported shot dead. Mr Mandela, the deputypresident of the ANC, appeared on the balcony of Cape Town's City Hall to speak to the 50,000 people assembled outside at 2000 local time. He acknowledged Mr de Klerk was a man of integrity, but said: "Our struggle has reached a decisive moment. Our march to freedom is irreversible." "Now is the time to intensify the struggle on all fronts. To relax now would be a mistake which future generations would not forgive," he continued. Denise goes to where Jordan is living and is shocked to find him badly beaten. Jordan comes clean about recent events, but Denise tells him that living with her wouldn’t work. Will anything change her mind?

Vanessa is relieved to see him and tells him that she understands he was pushed to the limit with Johnny. Kirin is emotional when she says that she’s prepared to try again. Elsewhere, Kerry is shocked to discover that it was Gabby who put the video online and she is angry with her meaningless apology.

Freedom Mandela

In Eastenders, The police arrive with news on Jordan - he was taken to hospital but discharged himself. This forces Denise to make a big decision as she insists that she needs to find him again.

Meanwhile, Abi is unsettled when Babe reveals that Ben didn’t make it home last night. Babe offers to become an unlikely ally to Abi and speak to Kathy. Kathy takes the bait and warns Paul off, but it turns out that Ben didn’t spend the night with him either - so where was he?

top

Friday 5th February 2016

Cool Cucumber, Yoghurt And Dill Soup Serve as a light lunch with a loaf of ciabatta

Dessert Hot Mocha Ingredients

150ml milk, 50g pitted prunes, 2 tsp instant coffee 50g soft butter, 50g icing sugar, 1 large egg, 50g ground almonds, 2 tbsp cocoa, 1 tbsp self-raising flour, 4 scoops coffee or vanilla ice cream, to serve (optional). 4 tsp coffee liqueur, to serve (optional).

Directions Measure the milk in a large jug, then blend with the prunes and coffee in a food processor until smooth. Add the butter, sugar, egg, almonds, cocoa, flour and a pinch of salt, then blitz again to make a thick batter. Scrape evenly and cleanly (into 4 x 175ml ramekins (don’t use any with metal on them!). Cook in the microwave, spaced round the edge of the turntable, on Medium for 6 mins. The puddings will still look a bit moist, but that’s fine. Stand for 5 mins, then serve topped with a scoop of ice cream and a little liqueur, if you like.Place topping in the tin and let it set overnight in the refrigerator. Serve.

3 cucumbers 1 tbsp creme fraiche 1 cup Greek-style yoghurt 1 spring onion, chopped roughly 2 tbsp dill, chopped finely, plus extra for garnish 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice Salt and pepper (preferably white or pink pepper) to taste Olive oil, to drizzle Crusty bread, to serve To prepare the cucumbers for the soup, peel two

cucumbers (leave one for garnish), halve lengthways and use light pressure to run a dessert spoon down the centre of the cucumbers to remove the seeds. After removing the seeds, roughly chop the cucumbers and set aside. In a blender, place the cucumbers, creme fraiche, yoghurt and spring onion and blend until smooth (about 1 minute). There should be a slight texture to the mix.

Place the mix in the fridge for an hour to chill. When ready to serve, gently stir through dill, lemon juice and salt and pepper. Garnish the soup with the remaining cucumber by running a fork along the whole cucumber to make impressions, then you slice the cucumber and placing slices on top of each bowl. Sprinkle over a little extra dill. Drizzle with olive oil. Serve with crusty bread.

Food & Drink

Seville Orange Marmalade

Make the most of the short Seville orange season by producing pots of amber marmalade then working them into a decadent breakfast, a tangy salad, a rich stew and a gorgeous icecream Seville orange marmalade Makes 10 jars 1.5kg Seville oranges 2 lemons 2kg granulated sugar 1 Peel the fruit, with as much pith as possible. Chop the peel into 3mm strips and put in a large pan. 2 Line a large bowl with muslin. Cut the oranges and lemons in half. Squeeze out the juice over the bowl, dropping the leftover fruit into the muslin. Squeeze any remaining juice into the bowl. Tie the muslin together with string to form a bag for the fruit. 3 Put the bag in the pan with the peel. Add the squeezed juice and 2.5 litres of water. Heat until boiling, then simmer for 2 hours, until the peel is tender. Put a saucer in the fridge to

chill. 4 Remove the bag and squeeze the juice into the pan (it’s easiest to put the bag in a colander and press it out with a spoon). Measure the contents of the pan, including the peel, in a jug. Return to the pan and add 450g sugar for every 500ml liquid. Gently heat for 15 minutes, until the sugar has dissolved. Turn up the heat and boil rapidly for 15 minutes. 5 Test the marmalade has reached setting point: put a little on a cold saucer and gently push with the back of a spoon. If it wrinkles, setting point has been reached. If it doesn’t, boil and re-test every 10 minutes. Turn off the heat as soon as it reaches setting point. 6 Skim any scum from the surface. Leave to stand for 15 minutes. Spoon or pour into sterilised jars. If using screwtop lids, put them on while the marmalade is still hot and turn upside down for 5 minutes to sterilise the lids.

Food & Drink

Friday 5th February 2016

Meals For Less Than 2.50€ A Head? Impossible ... Isn’t It? Guacamole brad: a lighter version of cornbread made with polenta – great served with fried eggs and chilli

Serves 6 (total £5.20) 120g polenta (30p) 1 tsp sea salt (1p) 1 tsp muscovado sugar (8c) ½ tsp baking powder (3c) A pinch of cayenne pepper (2c), A pinch of ground cumin (2c), A pinch of hot smoked paprika (1p), ¼ tsp chilli flakes (7c), 4 tbsp olive oil, plus extra (45c) A large handful of coriander leaves (30c) 1 garlic clove, peeled (5c) 30g butter, melted and

cooled (12c) 100ml whole milk (10c) Juice of 1 lime (45c) 7 eggs, one beaten (98p) 2 large, ripe avocados, 1 cut into small cubes, 1 sliced (88p) 1 red onion, ½ diced and ½ sliced (25c) 1 beef tomato, diced (1€) Chilli sauce (12c) 1 Preheat the oven to 220C/425F/gas mark 7. Grease an ovenproof dish and pop it in the oven until hot.

2 Put the polenta, salt, sugar, baking powder, spices and chilli flakes in a bowl and mix to combine. 3 Blitz the oil with the coriander and garlic or pound in a pestle and mortar. 4 In a separate bowl, whisk together the coriander-garlic oil, butter, milk, lime juice and egg. Pour the liquid ingredients into the polenta mixture and stir. Fold through the cubed avocado, diced red onion and tomato.

Add a little water if you need to: you want quite a wet mix. 5 Remove the hot dish from the oven and pour the mixture in, topping with the sliced avocado and sliced onion. 6 Turn the oven down to 200C/400F/gas mark 6 and bake for 20–25 minutes, until puffed and golden. Remove and leave to cool. 7 Fry 4–6 eggs and serve with the bread and chilli sauce. 2 The weeknight supper:

Fennel pasta bake with lemony breadcrumbs: £1.68 a head This is a lighter, fresher take on macaroni cheese, with two of your five-a-day thrown into the mix. We serve it with a green salad on the side, which is included in the budget. Sophie Missing and Caroline Craig, Cook columnists and food writers Serves 4 (total €) 500g penne (95c) 2 tbsp olive oil (22c) 1 fennel bulb, sliced (96c) 200g cheddar, grated (2.20€), 100ml half-fat creme fraiche 30c) 1 tbsp dijon mustard (6cp) 335g cherry tomatoes, halved (95c, Salt and black pepper (3c) For the breadcrumb topping., 2 tbsp olive oil (22c), 100g white breadcrumbs (7c) Zest of 1 lemon (40c) For the salad: Juice of 1 lemon , 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil (11c), 1 tsp dijon mustard (3c), 2 little gem lettuce (1€) 1 First make the breadcrumbs. Put the oil in a small pan over a medium heat. Fry the breadcrumbs until golden. Add the lemon zest, some salt and fry for a

minute more. Remove from the heat. 2 Bring a pot of salted water to the boil, add the pasta and cook for 2 minutes less than the recommended time. Drain, reserving some cooking water. 3 Preheat the oven to 180C/350F/gas mark 4. Put the oil in a saucepan large enough to hold the cooked pasta. Fry the sliced fennel over a medium heat until soft and starting to brown. Add the creme fraiche and reduce the heat. When the creme fraiche is warm, add the grated cheese, leave to melt, and combine. Add the mustard and the tomatoes and stir again. Add the cooked pasta along with a splash or two of its cooking water (you want it pretty saucy) and mix until combined. Season to taste. 4 Spoon into a roasting dish and top with the lemony breadcrumbs. Bake in the oven for 15-20 minutes. 5 Meanwhile, put a little lemon juice, oil, mustard and a pinch of salt and pepper into a jam jar and shake to combine. Pour it over the lettuce leaves just after you’ve taken the pasta from the oven. Serve both immediately.

Friday 5th February 2016

Valentine's Rose-Harissa Lamb

Food & Drink

Salmon Tartare

A fragrant Middle Eastern-inspired lamb dish with a touch of rose

Serves 2: Something easy and spicy, with a touch of rose. Eat with giant couscous, boiled until tender then dressed with parsley, lemon juice and olive oil. 2 lamb shoulder chops, boneless, 2 tbsp rose harissa, 1 tbsp rosewatermicrowave-safe dish with 1/4 cup water and a pinch of sea salt. Heat a medium ovenproof skillet over high heat and add the butter. When the foam subsides, sear the beef until golden brown, about 3 minutes per side. Using tongs, hold the meat and brown the sides. Transfer the skillet to the broiler and cook until a thermometer inserted into the beef registers 125 degrees F for medium rare, about 4 more minutes. Transfer to a cutting board to rest while you cook the shrimp. Boil the shrimp until the pancetta is crisp, about 2 minutes per side. Meanwhile, microwave the asparagus until tender, about 2 minutes. Slice the beef into 4 pieces. Serve with the shrimp, herb oil and asparagus. 1 tbsp sherry, 60ml meat stock Preheat the oven to 180C/gas mark 4. Heat a frying pan and brush it with olive oil. Season the lamb

chops and brown them in the pan. Remove from the heat and spread half to one tablespoon of harissa over the surface of each chop, depending on how much chilli you like. Keep the pan to make some gravy. Place the chops in a roasting dish and bake for eight to 12 minutes (to get them medium rare). Remove from the oven, cover with foil and leave to rest in a warm place for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, heat the frying pan and add the rosewater, sherry and meat stock. Simmer together, then set aside to serve with the lamb and couscous. Raspberry and rhubarb frangipane tart A lovely finish using English winter rhubarb. You will need a 20-25cm loosebased tart tin. SERVES: six to eight INGREDIENTS For the pastry: 350g plain white flour, 125g sifted icing sugar, ½ tsp salt, 125g butter, 100ml iced water, 2 egg yolks, An egg wash: 1 beaten egg with a little salt For the filling: 75g softened unsalted butter, 75g sifted icing sugar, 75g ground almonds, 1 egg, plus one egg yolk, 1½ tbsp whipping cream (serve the rest of

the pot whipped with the tart), 1 tsp kirsch or marsala, 2-3 stalks pink winter rhubarb, cut into 2cm pieces and baked for 10 minutes to soften, 150g frozen raspberries METHOD Put the flour, sugar and salt in a bowl. Take the butter from the fridge, put it between two pieces of greaseproof paper, and bash it firmly with a rolling pin until it is 1cm thick and pliable but still cold. Put the butter in the bowl with the flour and tear it into pieces the size of your little fingernail. Tip the water and egg yolks into the flour and mix everything together thoroughly with a spoon until you have a lumpy dough. Turn the dough out on to your worktop. Squeeze it with your hands and push it with your knuckles until you have a heavy, smooth paste. Do not overwork the dough – the high butter and egg content means it could become greasy. Form the dough into an oblong, wrap it in clingfilm and refrigerate it for an hour. Put the dough on a floured worktop and flatten. To form a circle of pastry, roll a rolling pin backwards and forwards on it once, then turn it 30 degrees. Roll back and forth again, then turn again.

Repeat this several times, checking regularly that there is enough flour under the pastry and on the pin to prevent sticking. When the pastry is ¼cm thick, roll it on to the pin to lift it Press the pastry into the corners of the tin and against the sides. Let it fall over the top edge. Do not prick with a fork, or the filling might escape. Put in the fridge for at least an hour. Preheat the oven to 180C/gas mark 4. Line the tin with baking paper and then fill with dry rice, beans or baking beans. Bake for 15 minutes, remove from the oven, and take out the paper and beans. Brush the inside with beaten egg to seal it and bake for another five minutes to crisp the base. Remove from the oven and allow to cool. When cool, gently snap off the overhanging pastry edges. Mix together the filling ingredients. Scatter the rhubarb and raspberries over the base of the tart, then spoon the filling in on top. It does not matter if the fruit protrudes from the surface. Bake the tart at 190C/gas mark 5, for 30 to 35 minutes, until the surface is puffed and golden. Serve warm with whipped cream.

Serves 2 Punchy and appetising, with clear flavours and a sublime texture. Put this tartare on a board and take it to the table to share. Buy fresh horseradish root, or ready-grated from the English Provender Co at Waitrose. For the tartare 200g organic or bestquality salmon fillet 4 radishes, f i n e l y sliced 1 heaped tsp grated fresh horseradish the leaves of 2 small sprigs of dill ½ tsp nigella seeds ½ tsp yellow mustard seeds ½ tsp freshly ground black pepper To serve White or rye sourdough bread for toast, lime quarters, extra-virgin olive oil and a sprig of dill Trim the salmon, removing any membrane or brown fat, and cut out any pin bones. Chop it into small pieces so it

resembles mince. You can do this in a food processor, but take care not to mash the salmon to a paste. Stir in the rest of the tartare ingredients, taste, and add more horseradish if you like it spicier. Place a round or heartshaped mould on a plate or board, fill it with the tartare and then lift it off. Eat with sour-

dough m e l b a : toast the bread, then cut the toasted slices in half horizontally. Return the thin slices to the toaster to crisp a second time. Squeeze a little lime and a few drops of olive oil over the tartare, top it with dill, then scoop it up with the toast spoons. Serve with sourdough melba, this salmon tartare is an ideal Valentine's Day starter.

Food & Drink

Friday 5th February 2016

DVD’S Bridge of Spies

The Costa Blanca´s Biggest and Best Live Local radio station - TKO fm - are currently looking for RADIO PRESENTERS to enhance their current rosta. If you think that you have a voice that people will listen to – and have what it takes to Plan - Produce and Present a structured, informative and entertaining 2 or 3 hour live show within pre set musical guidelines - to a discerning target audience – then get in touch. You may have had previous experience – or maybe you are just thinking that it is something you would like to do. Either way – in the first instance send a 2 minute mp3 file showing off your voice and presenting talents and style to tkomedia2015@gmail.com with a brief covering note explaining why you think you should be On Air! Remember, experience is not required if you are the right person for the job and all applications will be treated in the strictest of confidence – but those without the required mp3 file will not be considered, so get recording. Your radio future is waiting.

BOX OFFICE

TOP 10

1. Kung Fu Panda 3 2. The Revenant 3. Star Wars: Episode VII-The Force Awakens 4. The Finest Hours 5. Ride Along 2 6. Dirty Grandpa 7 The Boy 8. The 5th Wave 9. 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi 10. Fifty Shades of Black

Kung Fu Panda 3 Tops Box Office DIRECTOR Alessandro Carloni, Jennifer Yuh Nelson GENRE Animation SYNOPSIS ALiving large and loving life, Po (Jack Black) realizes that he has a lot to learn if he's going to fulfill the next challenge from his beloved instructor (Dustin Hoffman). After reuniting with his long-lost father... RELEASE DATE March 11, 2016 (UK) DURATION 95 mins RATING PG Fitfully amusing and certainly heartfelt, this latest chapter in the likeable animated saga will work best with younger viewers, but

its life lessons and emotional beats feel slathered on rather than deftly woven into the storyline. Even Jack Black’s big-kid charms as the voice of that karatekicking panda can only take this forgettable diversion so far. Opening in China and the US on January 29, Kung Fu Panda 3 is the first film in the franchise in five years. Will fans of the two earlier instalments, which together grossed $1.3 billion worldwide, be excited for a follow-up — or have they grown up and moved on? That formula still has its delights, but Kung Fu Panda 3, much like 2011’s Kung Fu Panda 2, doesn’t

have the same consistently inspired spark that powered the original film. Instead, we must make do with gorgeous, inventive animation that, during particularly stunning sequences, can recall graphic novels or even Chinese paintings. Yuh Nelson and Carloni’s visuals have a dramatic, almost mythic grandeur — moving from wintry mountains to parched deserts, from China to the strange Spirit Realm — that can be stirring on a visceral, elemental level. Matched with Hans Zimmer’s percussive score, those sweeping images put a lump in the throat. To be sure, Kung Fu Panda

3 has a surfeit of worthy themes — the uncomfortable tension between a son and his adoptive and biological families, the need to discover one’s authentic voice — and Black’s inimitable kindness pours from his performance, making Po a consistently sympathetic figure. But what was once surprising and joyful about 2008’s Kung Fu Panda — the realisation that Black’s boisterous, guileless enthusiasm lent itself perfectly to animation — now feels a little programmatic. Po is still a slovenly, adorable panda trying to find himself. But that search just isn’t as rewarding as it used to be.

The Tallest Man On Earth

Tuesday 09 February 2016 20:30. The Tallest Man On Earth La Cambra (espai Rambleta), Valencia, Spain. Classically trained on the guitar as a child, it wasn’t until Matsson reached high school where he really began to experiment with style as his interest for folk music furthered inspired by the English musician Nick Drake. After being part of Swedish rock band The Montezumas, Matsson went solo in 2006 under the moniker The Tallest Man on Earth and released his debut self-titled EP. His early releases struck a chord with critics with lyrical and vocal comparisons to the legendary folk American folk musician Bob Dylan. In 2008 he released his debut full length “Shallow Grave” showcasing his distinctive

finger-picking guitar style coupled with his enchanting folk vocals displayed through tracks such as “The Blizzard’s Never Seen the Desert Sands” and “The Gardener”. Matsson’s poetic nature shone through the record captivating audiences as his music took them through the motions whilst evoking a range of moods. Escaping to his native rural surroundings for inspiration and recording new material in his abode, in 2010 Matsson released his second album “The Wild Hunt” which peaked at number 38 in the Swedish music charts. The album fared well with critics praising him for leaving behind the Dylan comparisons by crafting his distinctive sound, rejuvenated by the elegance and simplicity of his folk melodies.

Repeating the recording process of his previous release, Matsson spent five months at home recording material for his third release “There’s No Leaving Now” (2012). With stand-out tracks like “1904” and “Revelation Blues”, the album reached number 14 in the Swedish album charts and number 34 in the US. As The Tallest Man on

Earth, Matsson has toured with his wife Amanda who performs under the name Idiot Wind as well as supporting the Icelandic folk star Bon Iver. There are very few artists who can record vocals and instruments simultaneously, Matsson however does so eloquently providing raw and captivating recordings which remain engraved in your memory.

Sometimes, people are asked to do things above and beyond the call of duty. They're able to reach down and find courage from a place they never knew existed. During the C o l d War, an American U-2 pilot is captured by t h e Russians. A lawyer is recruited by the CIA and his job, next to impossible, is to negotiate the pilot's release.

Truth The year is 2004, and President George W. Bush is gearing up for his re-election. CBS News breaks a story accusing him of using his dad's political power to a v o i d going to war in Vietnam. At first, t h i s seems to be a deeply damaging secret, but respected anchor Dan Rather begins to lose his credibility as it is revealed that he made the claim without any sufficient evidence.

Suffragette The Suffragettes were the movement that helped women win the right to vote. Workingclass women, who were the foot soldiers of feminism, initially attempted peaceful protests. After achieving nothing with peace as the path to change, t h e y became radicalized and turn to violence instead risking their jobs, homes, children and even their lives. Methods included changing oneself to a railing to provoke arrest, parades, public speaking, window-breaking of prestige buildings, vandalism, revolts, disruption of meetings, and nighttime arson of unoccupied buildings.

Friday 5th February 2016

TKO Teddy On The Road

Hi everybody from TKO Teddy and I can’t believe that we are well into February and I reckon that my hibernation season is well and truly gone with these warm temperatures that we have been getting recently! Now, I’ve got some dates for you to put into your diary to get your chance to meet me and have a photo taken as well. This Sunday I’m going at the football at the Vicente Garcia stadium at midday as CD Torrevieja take on Villarreal, and I’m going to be cheering on Torry as their great unbeaten run continues. By the way, the

match has an early start because of the Torrevieja Carnival procession later in the day! Come and have

your picture taken with me, and you might see it in next week’s Courier, or certainly on my Facebook page, TKO Teddy. Admission is 10 euros for all adults whilst children aged under 16 get in free of charge, so let’s be having you with a big match and a sunny weather forecast! Then, next Friday February 12th, I’m in for a bit of pampering as I’ll be checking out the Hollywood Hair and Beauty Salon’s Ladies Pamper Day from 12 o’clock. You’ll find the Hollywood team at Los Dolses, so I look forward to seeing you there! Don’t forget that if you want me to pay you a visit this year, then contact me via Facebook and my special page. TKO Teddy. My phone number is 664 315 470 or via e-mail at tkoteddy@tko.media

Rugby - 6 Nations ITV and the BBC are looking forward to the RBS 6 Nations Championship with a line-out of legends to bring viewers live coverage of the year’s biggest rugby event across both platforms. ITV will show seven matches throughout the six weeks of the tournament, including key games such as England v Ireland and England v Wales, both from Twickenham, as well as Ireland v Wales at the Aviva Stadium in Dublin. The 2016 Championship marks the start of a six-year deal between ITV and the BBC that will see the matches shared on both the television and internet portals of both stations. ITV´s Hub and their dedicated 6 Nations website will bring extensive on-line coverage whilst the TV will have matches on both BBC One and ITV. Below is your cut-out and keep forward planning schedule for the matches on both ITV and BBC One. Saturday 6 February 15:25 France v Italy – Stade de France – BBC One 17:50 Scotland v England – Murrayfield – BBC One Sunday 7 February 16:00 Ireland v Wales – Aviva Stadium – ITV Saturday 13 February 15:25 France v Ireland – Stade de France – BBC One 17:50 Wales v Scotland – Principality Stadium – BBC One Sunday 14 February 15:00 Italy v England – Stadio Olimpico – ITV Friday 26 February 21:05 Wales v France – Principality Stadium – BBC One Saturday 27 February 15:25 Italy v Scotland – Stadio Olimpico – ITV 17:50 England v Ireland – Twickenham – ITV Saturday 12 March 14:30 Ireland v Italy – Aviva Stadium - ITV 17:00 England v Wales – Twickenham - ITV Sunday 13 March 16:00 Scotland v France – Murrayfield – BBC One Saturday 19 March 15:30 Wales v Italy – Principality Stadium – BBC One 18:00 Ireland v Scotland – Aviva Stadium - ITV 21:00 France v England – Stade de France – BBC One

Follow the action on TKO FM 90.8fm & 91.9fm Listen Live Tko.fm

Friday 5th February 2016

Jeanette Erath - Learn Spanish

Helloeverybody, and thisweekI’mbringingyouthea nswers to ourrecenttranslationexercis es. I hope yougotonwellwiththem! Firstwaswas IO pronouns, so how did you get on? I like cats – me gustanlosgatos, Books by Dickens interest me – me interesanloslibros de Dickens, Are you missing something? – ¿tefaltaalgo? I enjoy horseback riding and swimming in the ocean - Me gustamontar a caballo y nadaren el mar, I love to travel – me encantaviajar, I don’t like broccoli – No me gusta el broccoli, I love pizza! – ¡Me encanta la pizza!, The movie bores me – La película me aburre. Looking at negatives, choose the correct word from the four given: Voy a explorar otros países en Europa y no más ver,

porque ________ he ido a Europa. A) nunca. Yo soy el campeón mundial. ________ me gana: c) nadie. Mis padres no tienen ____________tipo de educación. b) ningún. CocaCola es es una compañía que ________ les va mal, porque la gente puede ser pobre, pero compra su Coca-Cola a) jamás. Mi mamá tenía la tradición de que el hombre no hace ________ b) nada. Iba porque mis padres me obligaban a ir porque a ________ muchacho le gustaba la escuela. b) ningún. Mis hijos crecieron en los Estados Unidodos y ellos ________ quieren saber ________de mi país. b) no, nada. Nextwelooked at comparatives and superlatives, here are theanswers:

Spanish Translation Answers

myfootballteamisbetterthan yours – mi equipo de fútbol es major que el tuyo, todayisthecoldestday of winter – hoy es el día más frío del invierno, mybrotheris taller than me – mi hermano es más alto que yo, Jack isthesmartestboy in theclass – Jack es el chico más listo de la clase, thetrain ticket costs more thantheaeroplane – el billete de tren cuesta más que el de avión, the test waseasierthan I thought – el examen fue más fácil de lo que pensé, itisthecleanest hotel in thecity – es el hotel más limpio en la ciudad, they are thenaughtiestboys in myroad – son los chicos más traviesos en mi calle, Sheis more interestingthan me – ella es más interesante que yo, Jane isshyerthan Tom – Jane es

más tímido que Tom, The Beatles are more famousthanGirlsAloud – The Beatles son más famosos que GirlsAloud, Chocolate is more deliciousthanfruit– el chocolate es más delicioso que la fruta, Mathsisthemostboringsubje ct – las matemáticas es las asignatura más aburrida, Amanda isfunnierthan Steve – Amanda es más graciosa que Steve. Next, I asked you last week to translate a passage about holidays around the world into Spanish, so clutching my article of a week ago, let’s see if you managed to get it right. Invierno es una temporada de feriados por todo el mundo: Hanukah, la Navidad, Kwanzaa, el Año Nuevo, para nombrar algunos. Diferentes culturas

celebran en distintas maneras, pero lo que ocurre más a menudo es que cuando la gente se reúne para celebrar, se reúne para comer.Por mucho del mundo Cristiano, el pináculo de la temporada de feriados es la cena de Navidad. Es un tiempo cuando las familias se juntan para compartir un gran banquete en la Nochebuena, generalmente después de la misa de medianoche.En el mundo hispanohablante, la temporada de Navidad se celebra con comida también. En España, la comida de Navidad nunca se come antes de la medianoche. Un banquete familiar presenta Pavo Trufado de Navidad. Para el postre, los españoles gozan de un turron, un dulce de almendras asadas en una

salsa de caramelo. Para la Nochebuena en México, muchos asisten a la iglesia y después regresan a la casa para un banquete enorme de pavo, pollo, tamales, té de fruta y amplios dulces. Como es costumbre en la mayoría de las celebraciones mexicanas, una piñata es parte de la fiesta de Navidad. Los niños tratan de romper la piñata para recoger los dulces, las frutas, y los juguetes que están adentro. Espero que sus celebraciones fueran festivos. Os ofrezco los mejores deseos para un 2016 feliz y saludable. I hope you did well with the exercises and know what parts of your Spanish you need to improve on. Keep speaking. Keep making mistakes and most of all never give up!

Health

Friday 5th February 2016

Zika Virus Declared A Public Health Emergency Contact@medb.es

The World Health Organisation has declared that the clusters of braindamaged babies born in Brazil – linked to but not

proven to be caused by the Zika virus – constitute a public health emergency of international concern. The declaration, made by

Website: www.medb.es

the WHO director Margaret Chan, will trigger funding for research to try to establish whether the Zika virus, spread by mosquitoes, is

responsible for the large numbers of babies born with abnormally small heads in Brazil. It will also put resources behind a massive effort to prevent pregnant women becoming infected and, through mosquito control, stop the virus spreading. Chan called the birth of thousands of babies with microcephaly “an extraordinary event and a public health threat to other parts of the world”. She was speaking following a meeting of the WHO’s international health regulations emergency committee, summoned to advise the director general on whether to make the declaration, which calls in international resources and expertise. “Members of the committee agreed that the situation meets the conditions

for a public health emergency of international concern. I have accepted this advice,” she said. Chan, who was criticised for being slow to make a similar declaration while Ebola spread across west Africa, sidestepped the question when asked if she felt that was a factor in the response to the Zika crisis in Brazil. The microcephaly clusters so far have appeared in Brazil and – in 2014 before anybody realised the significance – Polynesia. That, said Heymann, showed “it appears to be spreading”. On Monday, Rousseff signed a law allowing health officials access to any building to eradicate breeding grounds. The new law allows health officials access to all homes, and

public and private buildings, even if the property’s owner cannot be located. Officials can request backup from police to raid any building suspected of being a mosquito breeding ground. An estimated 1.5 million Brazilians have caught Zika, a virus first detected in Africa in the 1940s and unknown in the Americas until it appeared in May. The Pan-American Health Organisation said the virus had since spread to 24 countries and territories in the hemisphere. By next month, the labs will have a test that can detect all three viruses borne by the Aedes mosquito – dengue, Chikungunya and Zika. The test, however, will only be effective during the initial infection period of five days.

Fry To Feature In BBC1 Mental Health Season Stephen Fry will return to: The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive

Actor and comedian Stephen Fry is to return to the issue of his own bipolar disorder as part of two-week BBC1 season on the issue of mental health which also includes popular soap EastEnders exploring the issues of postpartum psychosis. The launch of a fortnight’s programming on the UK’s most-watched televi-

sion channel, set to include several special reports on the main evening news bulletins as well as hard-hitting documentaries, demonstrates how mainstream the issue has become. The last time the BBC launched a season on mental health in 2013 it focused on young people only and aired on BBC Three.

New NHS figures, revealed by the Guardian’s This is the NHS series, showed that the number of deaths annually among mental health patients in England has risen 21% over the last three years. The government’s campaign, Time to Change, launched last October to raise awareness about the issue among

young people, comes amid mounting criticism of cuts to mental health services. BBC1’s In the Mind season kicks off on 15 February with a primetime airing of a documentary which sees Stephen Fry return to the issue of his own disorder 10 years after his first awardwinning show for BBC2. In The Not So Secret Life

of the Manic Depressive: 10 Years On Fry talks about his suicide attempt while filming in Uganda in 2012, six years after the last show aired. Now president of mental health charity Mind, Fry talks about how his own busy lifestyle exacerbates his own illness, which can be managed but not cured.

Diagnosed with cyclothymia, a version of bipolar disorder considered less severe than some, Fry’s appearance in the two-part television documentary in 2006 went on to win an Emmy award for best documentary. With a insight and understanding – on what’s really happening in mental health.”

Ladies Pamper Day Hollywood Hair & Beauty Salon Los Dolces have a ladies pamper day next Friday 12th February, just in time for Valentines day. Bookings taken now for the following pamper treatments: 1. Manicure & basic pedicure with polish €20 2. Brow wax, brow tint & lash tint €10 3. Semi permanent eyebrows with free blow dry €175 4. Blow dry €10 5. Cut & blow dry + free file & polish €20 6. Book teeth whitening on the day for a special price of €40, deposit of €10 required. There will be various stalls, handbags & shoes from "Belles Boutique" & jewelry on offer, "Tarot Reader Angela" , Raffle prizes, Cava & bucks fizz for everyone. Come along and meet TKO Teddy & the friendly experienced staff while enjoying a relaxing pamper head to toe. The staff at Hollywood specialize in hairdressing, colouring, facials, manicures, pedicures, spray tans, semi permanent make up, shellac nails, gel nails, acrylic nails, waxing, tinting, massage including the very latest lava shell massage, ear piercing, teeth whitening, threading, semi permanent eyelashes plus much more. Gift vouchers also available. Telephone: 966 765 834

Health Dr M. Mannu

Friday 5th February 2016

Beware Of Painkillers Contact@medb.es

Painkillers are probably the most abused medications. Every year hundreds of thousands of people are hospitalized, and many thousands lose their lives from the complications and longterm harmful effects of painkillers. Painkillers should never be taken for more than a few weeks continuously without finding out the main cause of the pain. Unfortunately, many people continuously take painkillers for months and even years.

The biggest problem with painkillers is

the damage they cause the kidneys. Every prescription painkiller produces toxic byproducts filtered through the kidneys and into the urine and in the process, often causing damage to the kidneys. Painkillers also commonly cause life-threatening damage to the liver and stomach. There are different kinds of painkillers, some of which relieve pain by numbing the

Website: www.medb.es

nerves and brain for example codeine. Other types like ibuprofen, relieve pain by reducing inflammation. An overlooked deadly effect of painkillers is an addiction, especially with opioid painkillers such as codeine. Painkillers that combine codeine and caffeine are highly addictive and usually available as a dissolvable powder. Many people continue to take such painkillers even in the absence of pain without realising their addiction. But beware, suddenly stopping opioid painkillers such as codeine and morphine will result in very serious withdrawal symptoms including nausea, insomnia, fever, diarrhoea, stomach and muscle cramps. AntiInflammatory painkillers such as ibuprofen very frequently cause inflammatory diseases of the stomach, including inflammation, ulcers and even intestinal bleeding in severe cases. The best way to manage pain is to find out the cause of the pain. Most people take painkillers for joint pain without realising that the origin of joint pain is degeneration of

cartilage, bones, tendons, ligaments and other tissues around joints, caused by the deficiency of the nutrient MSM (Methyl Sulphonyl Methane). MSM helps the body build collagen which supports the joints, bones,

skin, hair and nails. The deficiency of MSM results in joint pain, hair loss, thin nails and skin problems. MSM is available as a dietary supplement. For a full body, scan telephone us today on 965071745.

The NHS: Can’t Pay, Won’t Pay Lack of social care means patients ready to go home have to stay in hospital Around 150 English councils have responsibility for social care and last autumn the chancellor, George Osborne, introduced a 2% social care precept into the council tax. Levying it is optional, but without it the elderly or disabled people who rely on social care will face, say, fewer, shorter visits from care workers, or lose their day centre. Over the past five years, spending on social care has been cut in real terms by 8.7%, while – to take just one figure that emerged last week – the number of A&E admissions of people over 90 has gone up by 61%. Lack of social care means patients ready to go home have to stay in hospital; that in turn often means

a bed crisis and cancelled operations. The impact on hospital finances is heavy – a wicked combination of unnecessary spending from inappropriately occupied beds and lost income from cancelled surgery. Those are the biggest factors behind the financial crisis engulfing NHS trusts which is heading fast towards £2bn. So what councils decide to spend, and whether or not they pass on any increase in spending to their council tax payers, is likely to have a profound impact on the fortunes of the NHS too. In England, according to preliminary findings from a survey by the Local Government Information Unit, almost all councils

responsible for social care will levy the 2% precept. But that is only the beginning of the struggle to find enough cash to meet the cost of the ageing and disabled population which, the King’s Fund estimates, increases at around 3% a year. On this thinktank’s estimates, every council needs to increase council tax by both the 1.9% that is permitted without triggering a referendum, as well as the 2% of the new social care levy. And, in order to meet the rapidly rising costs of caring for older people, they need to go on doing that every year for the next four years. A crisis in funding for the health service now seems highly likely to collide, within

the next five years, with a crisis in funding for local councils. Because social care is either paid by individuals directly or by councils, while healthcare is funded by Whitehall out of taxes, when individuals – or their local authorities – lack the resources, the NHS is left to pick up the pieces. There are alternatives: first, budgets for health and social care could be combined, as successive inquiries have recommended. But that has been parked in the too-hard tray; the second, to integrate the services so that older people only end up in hospital when that is where they need to be, is a work in progress. But it’s slow, difficult and, above all, costly.

Great Cuts And Pampering! London-trained Hair Stylists, David and Karen run Cut and Co and have established themselves in their premises in Calle Los Arcos in Quesada which they moved to nearly 3 years ago. Both have over 20 years' experience in the hairdressing business and provide precision haircuts in a relaxed atmosphere with care and attention given to every client. Karen and David are also now available in the Perfectly Perfect Salon in Villa Martin on Mondays and Thursdays. The rest of the Cut and Co team include talented stylist Debbie who works on Mondays and Thursdays, whilst Annette, Beauty Therapist works on Tuesdays/Thursdays and Fridays and provides luxury manicures and pedicures, shellac nails and rejuvenating facials. Annette now also offers the new IBX System that creates nail strength from within. IBX System is a nail revolution that offers professional help for weak and damaged nails and can be used under Shellac and Nail Polish. You can also gain an insight into Spiritualism with Kim, who will gain an insight into your past, present and future with the help of your loved ones in the spirit world – who know the real you. You can find the salon on Facebook at Cut and Co and also Wedding make-up artist and Nails Costa Blanca. To book a hair or any other beauty appointment phone Karen on 648 879 654 or David on 699 409 433.

Motoring

Friday 5th February2016

New Lexus GS F 2016 Lexus GS F takes a refreshingly old-school approach with its 5.0-litre V8 but can it out muscle the BMW M5

The stunning Lexus LC 500 is stealing all the headlines, but it’s not the only new high-performance model from the Japanese brand. The GS F is based on Lexus’ GS executive and has the BMW M5 and Mercedes-AMG E 63 in its sights. It features a 5.0-litre V8 engine, rear-wheel drive, heavily uprated suspension and subtly enhanced looks,

so has all the raw ingredients to succeed. At the heart of the GS F’s appeal is that V8 engine, which delivers 471bhp and 530Nm of torque, although the latter doesn’t arrive until 4,800rpm. As a result, the Lexus never feels as fast as its claimed 4.6-second 062mph time suggests. It isn’t slow, but below

around 4,000rpm it lacks the punch of turbocharged rivals. However, once the revs climb the GS F accelerates with far more urgency. Better still, it’s backed by a V8 growl from the distinctive quad exhausts. Yet the engine’s potency is blunted by the eight-speed automatic gearbox, which lacks the

crisp response of dual-clutch units, even in its raciest Sports+ mode. With lowered and stiffened suspension, wide Michelin Pilot Super Sport tyres and a clever rear differential, the Lexus feels far more poised and grippy than the standard car; it’s just never as engaging as its rivals. There’s plenty of front

end bite when you turn-in, but the progressive steering lacks any real feedback. Body roll is more of an issue than you’d expect, while the uprated Brembo brakes soon feel as if they’re struggling to slow the hefty 1,850kg Lexus. Still, the trick differential enhances agility by shuffling power to individual rear wheels, while drivers can tailor the car’s responses by choosing from Track, Slalom and Expert modes – the last of these lets the car slide a little before intervening. Yet the Lexus is at its best when you treat it as an extremely rapid executive express. The supple suspension does a fine job of soaking up bumps, while the gearbox effortlessly slurs ratios in full auto mode. The GS F is also impeccably refined, while the extremely well equipped cabin is flawlessly constructed from high-grade materials. Although the gaping grille, orange brake calipers and subtly flared wheelarches

hint at the car’s potential, the overall design is classily understated. Verdict There’s plenty to like about the GS F, not least the non-turbo V8 engine and the balanced rear-wheeldrive handling. It’s also beautifully built, really well equipped and reasonably comfortable. It lacks the precision and involvement of its rivals, and that big engine doesn’t have the bite to match its bark. However, it’s a convincing leftfield alternative to the usual suspects.

KEY SPECS Model: Lexus GS F Price: £69,995 Engine: 5.0-litre V8, petrol Transmission: Eightspeed automatic, rear wheel-drive Power/torque: 470bhp/530Nm 0-60mph/top speed: 4.6s/168mph Economy/CO2: 25.2mpg/260g/km

New Fiat Tipo 2016 Review First drive of new budget saloon that could take on the Skoda Rapid when it reaches UK shores. Fiat has seen huge success in the UK and Europe in the last few years with its range of small cars; the 500 city car in particular has flown out of British dealerships for several years now. But the larger C-segment has proven a tougher nut to crack. The Italian brand’s last two efforts, the Bravo and before that the Stilo, struggled to make an impact as they were positioned next to more talented class leaders such as the Ford Focus. So Fiat has taken a leaf out of Dacia’s book and said “if you can’t beat them, undercut them”. Enter the new, value-oriented Tipo. The Tipo name was last seen on Fiat’s boxy family hatch in the early nineties, but was actually first used over a century ago by the brand. In some markets, including where it’s built in Turkey, you’ll find an ‘Aegea’ badge on the back instead. The UK, like the rest of Europe, will use the Tipo

name, but not on the fourdoor saloon you see here. We’ll only be receiving a five-door hatchback and estate (both of which will be shown at the 2016 Geneva Motor Show), as the small saloon market is marginal over here. Other markets will have the choice of all three. Fiat bosses tell us left-hand drive cars will arrive in the middle of 2016, but the delays in conversion to right-hand drive will mean

we won’t be driving one on British roads until around September this year. The Tipo was designed from the outset as a saloon, unlike most rivals that are converted from existing hatchbacks. That’s evident in the neat proportions, and we’ve been told to expect the hatchback and estate will be identical from the rear doors forward. Keeping the design changes to a minimum between the

bodystyle saves money, and Fiat is keen to point out that the Tipo is a “Skills, no frills” model. Cars like the Skoda Rapid are cited as main rivals, yet the Tipo is arguably better looking thanks to the classy front-end design, smart shape and distinctive taillights. It starts from an impressively low 12,500 Euros in Italy, but UK prices are yet to be confirmed. Bosses assure us, however

that it will “astonish the market” in terms of pricing. Although the outside doesn’t give away the Tipo’s budget intentions, the inside does to an extent. The steering wheel and some switchgear is borrowed from the 500 range and feels of adequate quality, but on the lower dash and doors you’ll find hard, scratchy plastics and a mixture of unpleasantly cheap-feeling textures. Equipment is good, howev-

er, with all models getting air conditioning, cruise control and a five-inch ‘Uconnect’ touchscreen with Bluetooth connectivity. UK specs are likely to be broadly similar. What you also get a lot of is space. At 4,530mm long it’s 275mm longer than a VW Golf, and legroom is plentiful for rear seat passengers. The sloping roofline eats into head space slightly, but there’s still room for a 6ft 2 driver to sit behind himself easily. As you’d expect from a saloon, the boot is a sizeable 520 litres, although the conversion to hatchback form may see that reduce slightly. On the road it’s clear the Tipo has been set up with comfort in mind, with a soft setup smoothing out all but the roughest of Turin’s potholed roads. Some suspension thud is evident, but overall the Tipo is refined enough considering the competition. Enter a bend quickly and body roll is noticeable, however, while the steering is well-weighted but lacks any sense of feel. It’s perfectly fine dynamically, but a Ford Focus it is not.

Friday 5th February2016

Visit the website, n332.es

No More Gambling with Your Wallet

Being occasionally lapse with driving rules may be the scourge of the majority of road users, but when those simple one-offs become habits, you are not only risking lives, but a considerable financial outlay. Without exception, ALL traffic rules and laws are aimed at one thing, to make the roads a safer place. The penalties associated with infractions are mostly intended to be a deterrent, which is why repeat offenders in some cases face harsher penalties, as do those who carry out the most dangerous acts. However, because the risks associated with many of the commonest habitual offences go largely unnoticed, we are lulled into a false sense of security, that is until we get caught out, either by being involved in an incident where a contributing factor has been one of these risks, or, the better option in fact, being caught doing wrong by the traffic

set. Even the popular single-ear Bluetooth headsets are not permitted when you are driving. You cannot have any headphones or headsets which go into your ear. The police, and others besides, communicate by Bluetooth headsets when they are patrolling on their motorbikes, but the difference is that these headsets are built into the helmet and do not go into the ears. This sort of integral device is permitted, but no others. Using radar detectors will result in a 200 euro fine and the loss of 3 points. Using radar inhibitors will see you lose 6,000 euro (with no discount by the way) and losing 6 points. Some GPS devices have information which tells you where fixed radars and cameras are located. As this information is provided freely by the DGT with the intention of slowing traffic in these areas, devices which give this sort of fixed data information are permitted. Failing to carry the correct emergency equipment in the car will result in an 80 euro fine. The mandatory equipment you must carry are two warning triangles, a reflective vest, and spare wheel, along with the tools to change it. It is no longer mandatory for you to carry spare bulbs or a spare set of spectacles, if you wear them, although it is advisory to do so. There are lots of issues when you are actually driving too, many of which again can become habitual, but range from the extremely dangerous to the inconvenient. Driving behind a vehicle without maintaining the correct and safe distance (which does vary with weather and road conditions), will result in a 200 euro fine and the loss of 4 points. Driving behind another vehicle and not allowing sufficient space for an overtaking vehicle to return to the lane safely also carries a 200 euro fine and the loss of 4 points. Changing lanes without respecting a vehicle already in that lane carries a 200 euro fine. Zigzagging between lanes will result in a 200 fine but may qualify as reckless driving,

result in a 1,000 euro fine and the loss of 6 points. These are some of the main issues that occur on the roads every day, but it is of course not an exhaustive list. Let us have a look at a few more common infractions that we might all see on a regular basis. Driving a vehicle without a bumper, 200 euro fine. Driving with tyres in poor condition, 200 euro fine for each tyre considered a risk. Driving a car without an ITV, 500 euro fine. Throwing paper, litter or other objects onto the road, as they may cause damage or injury and, despite what you might think, even something like paper or a crisp packet can pose a risk, a fine of 200 euro and the loss of 4 points. If the object is a cigarette or glass, which poses additional fire risks, you face a 200 euro fine too. Putting ornaments, drawings, object or advertising on your number plate, or obscuring the view of the number plates in any way, results in a fine of up to 200 euro. Remember, some of these points we are discussing now we will see every single day. Just because it is common practice or habitual does not make it right. With resources so stretched, policing the roads is a very difficult situation when there are so few officers to do so, therefore remember that even if you might see these situations regularly, it doesnÂ´t make it right and if you do them and you get caught, you are still in the wrong. Such as, leaving your vehicle â&#x20AC;&#x153;double parkedâ&#x20AC;?, which is worth a 200 euro fine. Using the horn for no justifiable reason is an 80 euro fine. Driving on the pavement or leaving your vehicle parked on the pavement, in full or in part, is a 200 euro fine. We have yet to speak about pedestrians, and so we will cover some of their responsibilities. If you are a pedestrian who has consumed alcohol or drugs, and you put other road users at risk, you are as liable for that risk as if you were driving a car and you can be fined, or face harsher penalties in more severe cases.

police. Now, the n332.es website has launched a new section that details some of the fines and sanctions associated with a variety of traffic offences, after all, if we have a better understanding of why these offences exist, it might help to educate us all a little and make the roads safer for all. Before we look at some of the most common offences and their subsequent fines, we also need to be clear about who we are referring to, because we are not only talking about drivers. When a cycle is being ridden, that bike then becomes a vehicle and is governed by the same laws as a car. If the bicycle is being pushed along then it is not classed as a vehicle, but pedestrians also have a legal responsibility when on or about the roads, as do passengers. In fact, quite simply, traffic law refers to everybody. Any vehicle occupant failing to maintain the proper position in the vehicle would result in an 80 euro fine. This can refer to passengers with their feet on the dashboard, drivers with their arms out the window, or any other situation where proper posture is not maintained. Having an animal in the vehicle that could interfere with the driver can result in an 80 euro fine, a dog sat loose on the front seat for example is not allowed. Carrying animals which are not properly restrained is dangerous to them too. Programming your GPS when driving can see you 200 euro out of pocket, and the loss of 3 points. It is perfectly legal to use GPS navigation devices in your vehicle, but you are not allowed to touch them when you are driving. Set your journey before you leave. If you go wrong, most devices will recalculate the route, so leave it alone until you are stopped safely. Using your mobile phone when driving also carries a 200 euro fine, as does wearing any kind of headphone or head-

thus resulting in a 500 euro fine and the loss of 6 points. Not driving in the right-hand, normal driving lane, whether it hinders other traffic or not, will result in a fine of 200 euro. Driving on a motorway in a prohibited vehicle, such as a cycle or moped for example, will result in a 200 euro fine, as will carrying an insecure load which can fall or that compromises the stability of the vehicle. When you stop at a junction, if you block the passage of other vehicles, you face a 200 euro fine. Although yellow box junctions are in use in many places in Spain, you should still not enter any junction, with or without a yellow box, unless your exit is clear. Failing to give way to another vehicle when that vehicle has priority and forcing them to brake or manoeuvre sharply will result in a 200 euro fine and the loss of 4 points. Failing to show that you are intending to give way at a junction, by the manner in which you drive and a gradual reduction in speed, will see you fined 200 euro. Turning through a junction without the appropriate signals also carries a 200 euro fine. Failing to respect the priority of pedestrians and the fact that pedestrians take precedence is a 200 euro fine plus, if there is a risk, the loss of 4 points. Carrying out a reversing manoeuvre without the utmost caution can result in a 200 euro fine. That is the same fine as driving without a silencer on your exhaust and the same fine for failing to facilitate the easy flow of a priority vehicle responding to an emergency. Reversing in a location or situation where it is not permitted will also see you facing a 200 euro fine and the loss of 4 points. Failure or refusal to undergo alcohol or drug testing will

Although pedestrians take priority on crossings, if you step onto a pedestrian crossing without good reason you can be fined 80 euro, which is the same fine should you cross at an inappropriate place, or if you cross the road very slowly. If you cross the road when the pedestrian lights are on red, you are not only risking being knocked down, you are risking a 200 euro fine. If you walk on a bus, cycle or restricted lane, or on the motorway, you face an 80 euro fine. Finally, cyclists. Remember, when you are riding, your bike is a vehicle and therefore you cannot cross at pedestrian crossings, ride on pavements or do anything which is restricted. If you fail to wear your helmet when required, driver and passengers (under 16 on all roads, adults outside cities) you face a 200 euro fine. Riding without a bell on your bike is an 80 euro fine, and riding at night, in tunnels or in weather conditions that reduce visibility, without the proper lighting and reflectors is a 200 euro fine. Remember though, these are just a few of the most commonly seen infractions and problems that result in fines being issued on a daily basis, and, hopefully, a raising of the awareness of the reason for the fines. If you want to avoid being out of pocket, the advice is simple. Remember your obligations and adhere to them always. These rules are designed to keep you and everybody else safe on the roads, but you must also do your part and adhere to the rules. Do so and not only will you hopefully have a longer life, you will also be able to keep hold of your hard earned cash and not hand it over when you do get caught.

Friday 5th February 2016

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain eight years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Ray wanted to know if he could upgrade his iPhone 3Gs to IOS7

ADVICE: Denise wanted to know how to remove a saved password from Google Chrome

Q A

Hello, can you advise if it is possible to upgrade the IOS on my iPhone 3Gs to IOS7. if so, can you advise someone who could do this for me. Thank, Ray.

Hi Patricia, in the first instance I would change your email password, make it a secure password with upper and lower case characters, and numbers, if you can also add a symbol to the password. if your friends report that the suspicious emails stop then you know you have it sorted, if not then feel free to come back to me.

Hi Ray, no sorry the latest IOS version for your phone is IOS6, Apple dropped support for your phone with IOS7 due to “hardware limitations”, you can read more here…

Hi Richard. Somehow or other I have ticked a box for Google to remember my password on my internet banking, not a good idea. How do I go about changing it back to manual please? Regards, Denise.

Hi Denise, so problem it’s an easy one to sort out, all you need to do is... 1. Launch Google Chrome 2.

Click on the three bars in the top right hand corner

Click settings

Scroll to the bottom and click “show advanced settings”

Under the “passwords and forms” section click on the “manage passwords” link

6. Locate the site and password you want to forget and click on the small X to the right of the relevant line 7.

Click Done

Restart Google Chrome and you’re all done 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IOS_version_history

ADVICE: Dreena wanted to know how to clear her Internet cache in Google Chrome

Q A

Hi Richard, I have been sent instructions from my bank to clear my Internet cache but they are for Internet Explorer and they don’t seem to work in Google Chrome, can you help please? Hi Dreena, sorry for the delayed response, ok if your browser is Google Chrome then you can clear the cache by doing the following… 1. Launch Google Chrome

Click the three bars in the top right hand corner

Click More tools.

Click Clear browsing data.

5. In the window that appears, select the tickboxes for the types of information that you want to remove – tick everything if you want to clear everything. 6. Use the menu at the top to select the amount of data that you want to delete. Select beginning of time to delete everything. 7.

Click Clear browsing data.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

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SWIMMING POOL SERVICES ALCOHOLICS

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA MEDIA needs self-employed salesperson for Torrevieja – Orihuela Costa and surrounding areas. For more info call 685 901 265 or email info@radiocosta.eu

SERVICES Gardening, property maintenance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

CHURCH SERVICES Torrevieja Christian Fellowship at Avenida de las Cortes Valencianas 68, Torrevieja 03183, all welcome to their friendly and lively 10.30 am. Service each Sunday morning. They will not be holding the Wednesday night meeting at 6.00 pm. For further

information and/or directions please telephone 966700391 or visit our website on www.tcf-spain.org. International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club.Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo.Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276

TUITION Guitar lessons for beginners, as well as improvers. Provide an insight into most musical styles. From 10€ per hour. Call Peter Now on 966789612 or 629975378.

QUIZ MASTER Experienced quiz-master /question setter with personality If you would like a quiz master that is interesting and entertaining, questions that are challenging yet not too difficult so as to be ungettable available to host quiz nights in local bars. Tel: 664 838 581.

SWIMMING POOL SERVICES

Friday 5th February 2016 Friday 30th October 2015

Vicki’s Silver Double

Local swimmer Vicki Connolly came away with two silver medals from the recent Winter National Masters Swimming Championships in Gijon which featured fourteen hundred competitors from 155 Spanish clubs, as well as some international entrants. The four day gala brought together master swimmers of all ages from pre-masters (20 to 24 years old) through till people still competing in their eighties! Club Natacion Torrevieja’s Vicki Connolly swam in the

50 to 54 years age group, and took away two silver medals in her100m freestyle and 200m freestyle races. Although only seventh in the 50m race, Vicki still managed a new personal best and a new Valencian Regional record with a time of 34:62.She also gained a Valencian regional record in the 100m race with a time of 1:17:69. These times reach the qualifying standard for the Masters European Championshipslater in the year at the London Olympic Aquatics Centre. Before

then Vicki, and club colleague Beth Altabas, have the Spanish MastersNational Long

Local Rugby Last weekend’s local action saw ITV Orihuela Vega Baja (pictured in yellow) pipped by just three points in an exciting home defeat, 33-30, at the hands of Lorca in the first division of the Murcia regional league. In the under-18 cadetes league, secondplaced Torrevieja Tigers

rolled over the bottom side, the University of Murcia (CURM) 66-nil away from home, whilst Oriheula lost heavily at home, 74-10, to Lorca. In the women’s league, the San Javier Squalos recorded a comprehensive 60-nil home victory over CRUC Cartagena.

Distance Three Kilometre Championships to get ready for in Barcelona on Sunday February 14th.

Showdown at Murrayfield IT'S more than a quarter of a century since I first witnessed the Princess Royal belt out the words of Flower of Scotland with true gusto at a Murrayfield rugby showdown, writes GERRY GREEN. The Scottish Rugby Union's shameless Patron will join her beloved Tartan army again this weekend in yelling for England's downfall at the 2016 Six Nations opener in Edinburgh. Princess Anne has been a permanent fixture at Scotland games ever since the historic day that David Sole's unlikely lads won their last Grand Slam after taking the field in a slow march which ''psyched out' Will Carling's white-hot favourites in 1990. In those days I was rugby union correspondent of the Glasgow-based Scottish Sun– and the Queen's daughter was already as much a fixture at the big games as any star player. The orchestrated prematch schedule would see HRH tootle enthusiastically along the massed ranks of playersand officials before kick-off being introduced to all and sundry.The only clue to her partisanship came in the form of animated individual conversations with each and every member of the Scotland squad...and onesyllable greeting to enemy troops. The loyal McPrincess

would then lead the crowd in a Party Political Chorus of 'Flower of Scotland', the antiEnglish words to the Scottish anthem delivered with the sheer passion of the leader of the Bonnie Wee Lassie Slay the Sassenachs Royalty Group. To this day, I cannot understand why a leading member of the British Royal Family would wish to participate in a song which encourages separatism and friction between two great nations steeped in a gloriously bloody history on the battlefield and now floundering like stranded fish unable to survive independently of each other (a Salmond and a Sturgeon come to mind). The Calcutta Cup has been an inextricable part of Scotland v England rugby fixtures since 1879 and this weekend's Six Nations opener promises to be a real humdinger as England's new look regime look to avenge the humiliation of Stuart Lancaster's men in the World Cup. Incoming head coach Eddie Jones brings with him a colourful CV. The halfJapanese Aussie said sayonara to Tokyo after leading the Land of the Rising Scrum to the greatest World Cup triumph ever - victory over the mighty South Africans in last autumn's World Cup. He won't underestimate the Scots, written off before

the finals but then robbed of true glory by an appalling refereeing error which cost them a deserved place in the semifinal. If the Scots raise their game to the same level this weekend, new skipper Dylan Hartley and his boys could be in for a major shock. But I'm taking the Sweet Chariot to swing high again - and Wales, back at full strength after their World Cup injury crisis, to beat reigning Six Nations champs Ireland in Dublin. That would set the scene for the showdown every Englishman wants - a chance to avenge the humiliation by the Taffs at Twickenham which saw them become the first World Cup hosts ever to be KO'd before the knockout stages.

Pedal Power

Some of Spain’s top cyclists are involved in this week’s 2016 Tour of Valencia cycle race which visits the southern Costa Blanca tomorrow (Saturday) with the

penultimate stage taking in a mountain circuit from Orihuela City all the way to Xorret de Cati. The race ends with a sprint stage around Valencia City on

Sunday, with the event being revived after economic problems meant it had not been run since 2008. Saturday’s 141 kilometre stage will start outside Orihuela Town Hall at 12.30 and will head through Hurchillo, Arneva, and Raiguero de Bonanza as it leaves the municipality. Orihuela mayor, Emilio Bascuñana, officially presented the stage last week along with local officials plus race director Ángel Casero and former local cyclist, Bernardo Ruiz.

Mentals At Moraira

The Los Montesinosbased walking football team, the Monte Mentals, travelled to the northern Costa

Blanca last week for some matches in Moraira, with two teams being fielded by the Mentals.

All the matches were close, though the Mentals lost all their games, but they were played in good spirit.

Friday 5th February 2016

Ivie Davies on Golf

Get That Handicap Sorted!

Over the years I have received various emails and comments from people regarding the handicap system used by societies, and how they can vary from society to society. To me this seems very strange. How can a member of Society A and Society B have two different handicaps, dependant on which society they are playing with? Some societies, quite rightly in my opinion use the EGA/Spanish system of handicapping, others use the CONGU (England Golf) system for reducing handicaps, some I have heard “create” their own handicapping system like “Clobber The Winner”, which ends up penalising some of their members who hold a recognised handicap. This confusion or variation in applying handicap increases and decreases creates more problems than it solves for the individuals and the societies. There were some changes at the start of the year, so there’s not been a better time to come into line and do it properly. THE EUROPEAN GOLF

ASSOCIATION (EGA) HANDICAP SYSTEM 2016-2019 The European Golf Association (EGA) and the offices of the Real Federacion Espanola of Golf (RFEG) have adopted the SLOPE System and each course in Spain has been rated from all the data that the course evaluators have provided. All the course ratings are now available.The EGA introduced the new handicap system to enable players of all handicaps to compete on an even basis, no matter on what course the handicap was gained. The EGA chose to adopt the Slope System that was first approved for the United States Golf Association (USGA) in January 1987. This system adjusts the playing handicap to suit each course that you choose to play on any given day.The Slope System values each course, as if it was played by two golfers; a Scratch golfer with a handicap of 0 - 5 and a Bogey golfer with a handicap of 18-23. The Slope System is an improvement of the

existing system, whereby each golf course is evaluated and takes into account the varying difficulties on each hole, such as the run of the ball. The lay up areas, fairways, rough, bunkers, hazards, water hazards, out of bounds, difficulty of the greens etc. There are two factors that determine each players “EGA PLAYING HANDICAP” 1: COURSE VALUE This is calculated on a “Scratch” player’s performance under normal conditions. This figure must be two digits plus a decimal point e.g. 73.5 2: SLOPE VALUE - This is calculated on the performance of a “Bogey” player in relation to a “Scratch” player. The lowest Slope Value is 55 the highest is 155. A course with a standard difficulty has a Slope Value of 113. In other words, the higher the Slope Value, the more difficult it is for a “Bogey” player. Under the previous CONGU system each course was valued for a Scratch player only. The Standard Scratch System

(SSS).Each course will have its own conversion table to enable each individual player to obtain their “PLAYING HANDICAP”. These are displayed prominently in the Pro shop or on the first tee. CALCULATING AN EXACT HANDICAP An Exact Handicap will be received from the “HOME” club, from this Exact Handicap you will get a “Playing Handicap” on each course that you will play. This “Playing Handicap” will differ, depending on the Slope rating of each course. This is valid also for your Home course. The “Home” club should convert a former CONGU handicap into an EGA exact handicap. However the formula for calculating an exact handicap is: * CONGU HANDICAP x 113 divided by the SLOPE VALUE = EXACT HANDICAP e.g, 15.0 x 113 divided by SV 128 = 13.2 All courses have a Slope Chart and the Exact Handicap is checked against the List to obtain the Playing

Handicap. The purpose of this formula (below) is to show how the calculation of a Playing Handicap is determined. EXACT HANDICAP x (SLOPE VALUE divided by 113) + (COURSE VALUE minus PAR) = EGA PLAYING HANDICAP. Example: Mr X arrives at a Golf Society with an exact handicap and wishes to establish his EGA Playing Handicap. Mr X Exact Handicap = 15.6 Slope Value = 130 Course Value = 73.5 PAR = 72 15.6 x (130/113) + (73.5 - 72) 15.6 x 1.15 + 1.5 = 19.4 Mr X has an EGA playing Handicap of 19 for this particular Golf Course. In addition to the Slope changes, the maximum handicap for men is now 54 the same as ladies, over 6 categories. Example: If a player playing off handicap 11.2 returns a Stableford score of 32 points, his exact handicap becomes 11.3. If he then returns a Stableford

score of 42 points, his exact handicap is immediately reduced by (4236) x 0.3 = 1.8, i.e. to an exact handicap of 9.5 When a player's exact handicap is to be reduced so that it goes from a higher handicap category to a lower handicap category, it is calculated as follows: Example: With an exact handicap of 19.1 returns a score of 41 Stableford points. His/her exact handicap is reduced in two steps: 19.1 - (2 x 0.4) = 19.1 0.8 = 18.3 18.3 - (3 x 0.3) = 18.3 0.9 = 17.4 For a complete RFEG version in PDF enter this link into your search engine. http://www.rfegolf.es/A rtculosDocumento/Comit %C3%A9%20Campos%2 0y%20H%C3%A1ndicap/Sistema%20de%20H andicap%202016/Sistem a%20Handicap%202016 %20%20para%20web.pdf I believe that with a little bit of dedicated organisation and collaboration from society handicap secretaries there is a way around this problem.

TITTER ON THE TEE George and Jim are quietly sitting on the boat on a fishing trip, smoking cigars and drinking beer, when suddenly George says, “I am thinking of divorcing the wife – she hasn’t spoken to me for two months”. Jim throws his cigar overboard, takes a long, slow swig of his beer and says, “Better think about this very seriously George…..women like that are really hard to find”. I found a wood that can lower my handicap. It’s called a pencil.

The Courier Sport

Friday 5th February 2016

Point Of Contention

Barclays Premier League

UD ALZIRA 1 CD TORREVIEJA 1

Saturday 6 February 13:45 Manchester City v Leicester City 16:00 Aston Villa v Norwich City 16:00 Liverpool v Sunderland 16:00 Newcastle United v West Bromwich Albion 16:00 Stoke City v Everton 16:00 Swansea City v Crystal Palace 16:00 Tottenham Hotspur v Watford 18:30 Southampton v West Ham United

Sunday 7 February 14:30 Bournemouth v Arsenal 17:00 Chelsea v Manchester United

Sky Bet Championship Friday 5th February 20:45 Brighton and Hove Albion v Brentford

Saturday 6 February

It is now 20 points won from the last eight games for CD Torrevieja, which is indeed play off form after a poor autumn. However, last Sunday it really did feel like two precious points dropped after glorious opportunities were spurned by a lively and creative Torry outfit, who came from one behind to take a share of the spoils at Alzira, a team that had only lost once at home this season. After a drab first half which saw Torry trailing at the interval, it was a complete turnaround in the second half which saw the visitors deserve to win the game comfortably. The pitch was uneven and difficult to play, as Torry's passes invariably found an opponent as opposed to

where it was aimed to go. New signing Prieto showed his attacking prowess, but the surface mitigated his side’s free flowing style of soccer. Torry’s Achilles heel of defending set pieces proved to be costly just before half time, as Alzira won a corner on the right, and it was pinged hard to the back post where skipper Joan met it with precision, as once again the Torry defence was exposed. The visitors got their act together in the second half and dominated play. Prieto moved into the middle, with Lewis Allen occupying the left wing position. Passing was much better, though there was still a tendency to play the ball towards their own goal in order to retain

possession - and then do just the opposite - lose it! Nonetheless, it was a much more imposing performance in the second half and Torry created a fistful of chances, which were all squandered. It was Higon who showed the necessary composure to level the game in the 49th minute. Torry decimated the Alzira defence with fast accurate play and the ball was delivered to Higon on the right hand side of the box. He cut in and shot hard and low into the corner of the net for a thoroughly deserved equaliser.Prieto had a screamer from just outside the box which whizzed past the post, when it looked set to be a fairy tale debut for the new

man, as Torry showed their superiority. They just could not get a winning second goal, but they still gave plenty for the travelling fans to enjoy. CD Torrevieja remain in ninth place, now six points adrift of the play-off fourth placed teams, of which there are three, sitting on 39 points.One of those, Villarreal visit this Sunday for a midday showdown at the Vicente Garcia stadium, with the early kick-off due to the Torrevieja Carnival parade later in the day. The fixture has been designated as a Dia del Club, with season tickets suspended and everybody having to pay at the gate. Fans are asked to come a little earlier than usual, as queues will be likely at the pay stations.

CD MONTESINOS 1 SAN FULGENCIO 0

allowed Monte to take all three points, although they remain in seventh place with 33 points. San Fulgencio are still in third place with 38 points, with leaders Dolores running away with the group with 48, and San Miguel in second place with 39 points. This was a workmanlike performance by "Monte",

especially as they picked up two bad injuries to key players last week. New signing Galindo broke a wrist and will be out from between six and eight weeks, whilst main forward Carlos has new ligament damage and could miss the rest of the season.But manager Roberto called up a couple of the youth players

and, with Wallace available again, planned this game to perfection, never allowing the opposition to take charge. When the goal arrived, it was a typical counter attack move executed to perfection. Macan received a ball out wide from his defence, took on and beat the defender down the line and crossed into the middle of the penalty area for Dario to slot home from 10 yards to the cheers of the 270 supporters at the ground last Sunday. This weekend Monte travel to Rayo Orihuela for their encounter at the Playa Flamenca Sports Centre, with the details of the date and kick-off yet to be confirmed before going to press. The website www.cdmontesinos.comor the CD Montesinos Facebook page will have the latest news.

Birmingham City v Sheffield Wednesday Bolton Wanderers v Rotherham United Burnley v Hull City Cardiff City v MK Dons Charlton Athletic v Bristol City Fulham v Derby County Leeds United v Nottingham Forest Middlesbrough v Blackburn Rovers Preston North End v Huddersfield Town Queens Park Rangers v Ipswich Town Reading v Wolverhampton Wanderers

Scottish Premiership Saturday 6 February 16:00 St. Johnstone v Aberdeen

Thursday 11 February 20:45 Ross County v Heart of Midlothian

Spanish La Liga Friday 5th February 20:30 Málaga v Getafe

Saturday 6 February 16:00 Atlético de Madrid v Eibar 18:15 Rayo Vallecano v Las Palmas 20:30 Athletic Club v Villarreal 22:05 Sporting de Gijón v Deportivo de La Coruña

Sunday 7 February 12:00 16:00 18:15 20:30

Three In A Row

Montesinos notched up three successive wins for the time this season, after a hard worked and very professional performance against a San Fulgencio side who, had they won, would have jumped into second place. But a second-half goal from Dario after some excellent work out wide from Macan,

16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00

Levante v Barcelona Real Betis v alencia CF Celta de Vigo v Sevilla Granada CF v Real Madrid

Monday 8 February 20:30 Espanyol v Real Sociedad

The FA Cup Tuesday 9 February 20:45 West Ham United v Liverpool

Wednesday 10 February 20:45 Peterborough United v West Bromwich Albion

Friday 5th February 2016

Barca Fight Back

BARCELONA 2 ATLETICO MADRID 1

Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez scored as Barcelona came from behind to beat nine-man Atletico Madrid 2-1 in last Saturday’s top-of-thetable clash at the Nou Camp.Koke gave Atletico the lead after 10 minutes, before Messi equalised on the half-hour mark and Suarez put the home side in front before the interval.Filipe Luis then saw red for a foul on Messi, and Diego Godin received a second yellow card for a wild tackle on Suarez midway through the second half. League leaders Barca have a Saturday lunchtime encounter at Levante tomorrow.

New Quiz For Neymar Prosecutors in Brazil are recommending that Barcelona star Neymar be charged over four counts of fraud in relation to a tax case prior to his transfer to Barcelona in 2013.It is alleged that companies were set up as fronts in order for the striker to pay a lower rate of tax. Officials in Brazil say the allegations against the Barcelona striker cover a seven-year period from 2006.The allegations are separate from a case heard in Spain on Tuesday.Neymar appeared in court in Madrid in connection with fraud allegations surrounding his transfer. He has consistently denied any wrongdoing.

MORE NEVILLE

! E R A M T NIGH

Toure Ready To Quit DEFIANT NEVILLEasked if

Six Of The Best REAL MADRID 6 ESPANYOL 0

Yaya Toure will leave Manchester City in the summer following the confirmation of Pep Guardiola as the club's next manager, according to his agent. Dimitry Seluk told the Sun that he expects the 32year-old to find a new club at the end of the season given his frosty relationship with the Spaniard which stems from when Guardiola let the player leave Barcelona for City in 2010. Guardiola offloaded the player in favour of putting Sergio Busquets in the starting team. Cristiano Ronaldo's hat-trick helped Real Madrid close the gap on Barcelona as they thumped Espanyol last Sunday. The forward has scored 30 goals for Madrid this term and they now trail La Liga leaders Barcelona by four points and sit just one behind city rivals Atletico. Karim Benzema, James Rodriguez and Ruben Duarte's own goal sealed Madrid's demolition job.They go to Granada this Sunday hoping to catch Barcelona after Luis Enrique's side beat Atletico on Saturday.

The Courier Sport

Comings And Goings

March On

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Elche’s goalscorer in their one-nil Segunda division win at bottom club Athletic Bilbao last Sunday took a rather philosophical view of matters when asked about the promotion chances for the Ilicitanos. Alex Moreno finished off a fine move on the hour market to get all three points for Elche to keep them nine matches unbeaten with a result that takes the seventh-placed Ilicitanos into a busy play-off zone. Moreno though said afterwards said that as far as he was concerned the victory provided his team with a 13 point buffer with the relegation area. That buffer might have been down to just 11, as Bilbao squandered a twice-taken penalty after Isidoro was harshly adjudged to have handled the ball, with ten minutes remaining of the match. Elche entertain Numancia tomorrow evening(Saturday) with an 8.15 kick-off.

Two more players have joined CD Torrevieja in the last week, whilst two others have exited the club. After last week’s signing of striker Prieto, experienced 33-year-old midfielder, Pablo Redondo (pictured), joins from Eldense after previously being with Hercules. Meanwhile, a former Novelda player who scored against Torrevieja earlier in the season has also been added to the squad. Chupe can play either in midfield or upfront, where he scored twice this season, but was released after eleven games. Leaving CD Torrevieja is Brani who has signed for Elche Ilicitano having started in six matches this season, in addition five appearances as a substitute, scoring one goal in this current campaign. Manu Amores who only joined the club back in November, and has been sold to FC Pinatar, having accumulated just 90 minutes on the field in his four appearances for Torry.

>> Lionel Messi scores for

Adebayor Feeling Crystal Palace striker Emmanuel Adebayor insists he is already feeling settled at Selhurst Park and has nothing to prove. The 31-year-old joined Palace as a free agent last week and made his debut as a substitute in Tuesday evening's 2-1 home Premier League defeat by Bournemouth. He missed a fine chance to equalise in stoppage time when snatching at a close-range chance, but the former Tottenham striker says there are no problems with his match fitness and is well aware what his new boss Alan Pardew expects. "He [Pardew] said I have to be a leader," Adebayor said. "Which means I have to set an example. Which means I have to come on time in training, do my job professionally and that is what I am doing. "There is a bad reputation about Adebayor. But if you ask every single manager that I work under, maybe [only] one or two would say I am a bad

John McGregor on Sport

Friday 5th February 2016

PAIN IN SPAIN.... BARCELONA 7 VALENCIA 0 (COPA DEL REY SEMI-FINAL FIRST LEG)

The Latest Sport Headlines TENNIS GB's youngest ever Fed Cup player Swan wins on debut CRICKET England beat SA with huge score

E R A S DREAM

! D E H DAS

AMERICAN FOOTBALL 'NFL star had brain trauma disease' EUROPEAN FOOTBALL PSG set new record with 33-game unbeaten run FOOTBALL Everton win keeps Newcastle in trouble FOOTBALL Chelsea draw extends Hiddink unbeaten run

Continued....

Barcelona in the Copa Del Rey Semi Final at Camp Nou.

Settled At Palace apple in the dressing room. I am always smiling with everyone. “The players have made it easy for me. The lads have made life easy for me. "It is a good squad with good players and I can guarantee that the squad in the dressing room is one of the best. It makes life easier for me. "I do not have anything to prove. I just want to enjoy my football. I have been there and done it. "The fans already love me, so I have to do my best. I always have a smile on my face. "I have not played a full game since May but I think have played more than these guys in the Premier League. It is quite easy to organise a game in Africa. I just had to call some of my friends and tell them I was in the mood to play football. Then we would play a proper game with proper professionals."

No longer are City merely United’s ‘noisy neighbours’, as once dubbed by a certain (recent) Scottish United manager. The present Etihad incumbent Chilean Manuel Pellegrini hasn’t done a bad job, but second place is not good enough for a club who thought nothing of buying two players for a staggering £100m at the beginning of this season. Modest-sized, home-spun Leicester City as one of THE performances of the year, this week leading the league - and City – by three points currently. In the long-fought battle for Manchester supremacy, City have traditionally trailed their Red rivals until just recently. Back in the exciting sixties and seventies Joe Mercer and Malcolm Allison did put the Blues into the forefront of English soccer for a while but the eighties and nineties were largely sad times at Maine Road, as United’s stars shone brightly again. Alex Ferguson eventually picked up the baton to follow the great Matt Busby’s legacy laid down fifty years ago. Fergie’s 26year tenure at the Theatre of Dream’s was hugely successful and so now it must be extremely sick for everyone at United today to see Ferguson’s winning

team dismantled so quickly and replaced with savage mediocrity. Was the luckless, hapless David Moyes dismissed too quickly? Will history prove Louis van Gaal as too old, too rigid, too unfit for the huge position at United? Who now can take up the massive task of restoring Manchester United to greatness? Jose Mourinho, Ryan Giggs, Carlo Ancelotti? There are plenty of names in the hat, but who is big enough and good enough to do the job? It’s a slap in United’s face that Guardiola has chosen City in preference, a decision which surely could never have happened ten years ago. Even Chelsea and Roman Abramovich’s roubles couldn’t tempt this top coach, who will himself now naturally attract the world’s top footballers to the Etihad to play for him. Some top footballers today seem reluctant to join the Red Devils for the once- privileged ‘honour’ to play for United, always more for pride than for the financial package offered by other wealthy clubs. United are in a mess today in comparison to City who have been outplanning, outspending and are currently outperforming their Red rivals: seven points

and three places difference, the Blues still in the Champions League while United are out: these are defining statistics these days which show who is now on the throne in Manchester . As Alex Ferguson sits wincing with Bobby Charlton looking helplessly on, Matt Busby is turning in his grave. It’s that serious at Old Trafford while City march proudly on. Finally, don’t miss Leicester City coming to the Etihad on Saturday. That is Man City’s chance to return to the top of the Prem if they win, albeit on goal difference: now that would twist the knife even more in Manchester. Meanwhile former United player Gary Neville's Valencia suffered a humiliating defeat as they were crushed by Barcelona in the Copa del Rey semi-final first leg at the Nou Camp 7-0. Luis Suarez scored four goals, while Lionel Messi also helped himself to a hat-trick and Neymar missed a penalty. Valencia's cause was not helped when defender Shkodran Mustafi was sent off for fouling Messi in the first half. Neville is also without a league win in eight attempts since taking over the club in December.

EUROPEAN FOOTBALL Lazio-Napoli game suspended after racist chanting FORMULA 1 F1 head protection plan for 2017 FOOTBALL Aberdeen win to cut Celtic's lead RUGBY UNION Referee choice affected prop selection - Gatland FOOTBALL Van Gaal not to blame Lingard FOOTBALL Chelsea drop Falcao from Champions League squad TENNIS Del Potro to return at Delray Beach TENNIS Federer out for month after surgery FORMULA 1 Pirelli plans tyres to let drivers push FOOTBALL Holden retires after injury battle Supplied by BBC

BRING IT

ON!

! T S A L AT

Man United managed it at last. What? Why scoring at home in the first half for once, which led the Red Devils to a resounding 3 -0 win over sad Stoke. The Potters have now lost their last three games and bundled out of two cups at the same time, one unluckily being the League Cup semi-final against Liverpool. This Saturday’s home match against Everton will be a big test for Sparky’s stars to steady the ship which had been going so well until recently. The Red Devils are now fifth, but a worrying five points adrift of Arsenal and Sunday’s visit to Stamford Bridge looks crucially important for both sides. Chelsea, Guus Hiddink has done as asked at Chelsea where the Blues haven’t lost in 10 after the goalless draw midweek against Watford. Silly question – why isn’t the experienced Dutchman now going to become Chelsea’s full time manager? Hey, you don’t think Pellegrini might – nah, surely not… Oh, and Dutchman Guus has a new toy to play with now, the once-promising Brazilian starlet Alexandro Pato - bye bye Falcao. Meanwhile , both Newcastle and Sunderland lost again to stay in the Dreaded Drop Department with vanquished Villa. The Black Cats shouldn’t expect too much at erratic Liverpool, and nasty neighbours Newcastle entertain difficult-to-beat West Brom. Everton stopped the dodgy results lately with the resounding 3 – 0 Newcastle win and now visit stuttering Stoke – who badly need a win to reverse the hearse, but then – so do Newcastle. The ‘Goal Of The Season’ candidates keep coming every fantastic week, but for me – and this hurts from a Forest fan – Jamie Vardy’s first goal to put away Liverpool on Tuesday had everything. After running on to Riyad Mahrez’s superb 60 yard through ball, Leicester’s brilliant star volleyed a belter first time over helpless Reds’ goalkeeper Mignolet to bring the already jubilant King Stadium to euphoric life. Those Blues’ fans are beginning to believe the Foxes really can do it and win the Premier League this season and why not? Not bad for the rock-bottom relegation certainties only last year, who today are just simply playing brilliant, exciting attacking football. Note of caution, Leicester lads, let’s get serious for a moment. It’s Man City away on Saturday, and then Arsenal at the Emirates on Valentine’s Day: how truly romantic if Leicester can stay right up there after those two games – then we’ll all believe in miracles. The Arsenal fans are groaning again as the Gunners’ title hopes are slowly disappearing – once again. The goalless draw at the Emirates did more for Southampton than Arsene’s army who have now slipped to fourth. Now a nice comfortable weekend trip

TYSON TO QUIT?

World heavyweight champion Tyson Fury has still not decided if he will fight Wladimir Klitschko again and could retire from boxing. Fury upset Klitschko to claim the WBA, IBF and WBO titles in November and is due to take on the Ukrainian in a rematch in May or June. But Fury said, “I’m struggling to get motivated”.

to the south coast is fraught with more danger as Bournemouth are cock-a-hoop after the Cherries away win at Party-pooped Palace. But for Arsenal it gets worse as nasty neighbours Spurs are still marching in and - shock horror - have overtaken their north London rivals on goal difference to go third. This was because Tottenham tanked nervy Norwich 2 – 0 at Carrow Road, the Canaries now tweeting a worrying two points above the DDD. Still, this weekend’s trip to Brum offers Alex Neil’s men the excellent chance of welcome points, where Astounded Villa are doomed, Cap’n Mainwaring. In the battle of the Clarets on Tuesday at Villa Park the home side started brightly with intent, but the villainous Ayew was soon stupidly sent off for dangerously elbowing his opponent, and the Hammers bubbled away to a 2 - 0 win in the end. The important first goal was made by a beautiful pass from captain and man of the match Mark Noble: maybe Roy Hodgson should take note of the longserving midfielder who has led the Hammers to a deserved-and-feared sixth position. Now the Hammers also travel to the south coast to Southampton – but which Saints will turn up?

DANNY GETS THE NOD

Danny Care will start at scrumhalf for England in their Six Nations opener with Scotland at Murrayfield on Saturday. Care has started just one international in the last 18 months but new head coach Eddie Jones has given him the nod ahead of Ben Youngs, who is on the bench. Meanwhile former captain Chris Robshaw switches flanks.

S G N I K D!

ARE DEA

… Long Live The Kings – those resplendent in their bright light-blue robes, while the red shrouds cover the old, past-it abdicated royalty. In the vibrant northern citadel of Manchester, arguably today English football’s mightiest metropolis, the football world is witnessing a seismic change in power, status and respectability as City steadily-but-surely erode United’s once-dominant position. The name of Manchester United is still world-renowned, but from 2008 a certain Sheik’s sheckles combined with some apathetic, shambolic senior management at Old Trafford has altered the litmus balance of power in Manchester – and England – from Red to Blue. The latest significant movement in Mancunian bragging rights is this week’s well-expected announcement from a badly-kept secret that the world-respected football coach Pep Guardiola is coming to manage City at the end of the season. The 45-year-old Catalan rose from the playing ranks of the great Barcelona club to become their full-time coach with fantastic results, and then move on, still very successfully, to take the helm at mighty Bayern Munich. Now Man City have lured the brilliant Spaniard to the Etihad to expectantly cement the Blues’ position as England’s number one club, one with world-wide business and soccer connections. Continued on page 47.

THE COURIER No.1 for SPORT! All the action p 44-47