The Courier Edition 263 by TKO UK

EASTER IS COMING Because of the Easter holidays, next week´s Courier will be out a day early on THURSDAY. Plus, we will have our very own Easter Egg Hunt to keep you busy where you can win some excellent prizes. Don´t miss out, look out for The Courier from your usual outlet next THURSDAY.

Edition 263

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Friday 18th March 2016

LAST MINUTE DECISION Beach safety goes to the wire

ALEX TRELINSKI

rihuela Costa’s beaches have no lifeguards lined up for the summer season as nobody has bid for a two-year lifeguard and rescue contract, with the tender closing last Monday. As The Courier went to press, no announcement had yet been made over who was going to provide cover over the busy Easter holiday period as from tomorrow (Saturday). Orihuela’s contracts councillor, Francisco Sáez Sironi, said on Tuesday that lifeguard cover would defintely be provided as of tomorrow at a cost of 18 thousand euros. Torrevieja meanwhile will have to rerun its lifeguard tender despite getting a dozen bidders, but Easter cover will be provided by the Cruz Roja, who are also servicing the Guardamar area. The two-year contract with Orihuela council was worth 420 thousand euros per annum with cover being supplied for the 11 beaches of the Orihuela Costa. The authority approved the advertising of the tender on February 16th, which meant that at best, it would have been logistically tight in terms of time for the tender winner to get things going in time for Easter. The new two-year

tender was more comprehensive in its demands which included a defibrillator being available at every beach, with all rescue staff having to be trained in how to use it, plus help in providing better disabled access at four beaches. Francisco Sáez Sironi said this week that the extra demands of the new permanent contract may have put off bidders but that the short-term Easter contract would not feature the extra stipulations, so as to get a service running from tomorrow. No bids were received for the permanent tender by the closing date of Monday, leaving the council in the pressing position of having to find temporary cover for Easter,

as well as repeating the process to find a more permanent solution. No indication was given whether the previous franchise holders, Ambuibérica SL, would be involved at Easter, or whether the Cruz Roja would be looked at as an alternative Meanwhile,Torrevieja's rescue and safety contract is having to be readvertised following a hitch involving three of the dozen bidders for the half a million euro a year tender. Councillor Fanny Serrano said that the monitoring of some of the envelopes with the tender documents in them was not as robust as it should have been and that in the interest of confidentiality and fair play, she wanted to reopen

the process because of what she described as an "oversight". It was announced on Wednesday that the Cruz Roja have been brought in to would provide a lifeguard service over the Easter holiday, and will cover the beaches at La Mata, Los Locos, Cura and Los Náufragos. In other beach related matters, Elche council has told beach bar owners at La Marina village and Arenales del Sol, that must apply for permission to stage any live music events at their venues. Eight kiosks(two less than previously in Arenales, and one fewer in La Marina) have been franchised in a four year contract that finishes in 2019.

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Friday 18th March 2016

Butano Boost Your Bigger, Bolder, Brighter Courier Telephone 966 921 003

The price of a butano gas canister has fallen again under the government’s two month price review system. As of last Tuesday, the cost of a cannister has fallen by 64 cents to 12 euros 46 cents. The maximum price rise or

fall that is allowed is five percent, which means that a further five percent reduction is a near certainty for May. Butano prices have fallen by nearly 30 percent since the new pricing system was introduced.

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Work on Gran Alacant’s new water pumping station will be finished next week in time for the expected Easter rush of visitors. The delayed project has been designed to deal with raw sewage escaping through pipes around the

Cabo Santa Pola area when the area is full of tourists, notably in the summer. The two million euro works has seen a new pipeline linking up a station in Gran Alacant through to the El Faro pumping station in Santa Pola.

Another major marijuana farm has been uncovered in the area, following recent swoops in San Miguel de Salinas and Cox, as previously reported by The Courier. This time the Guardia Civil struck in the Crevillente area when they responded to a domestic

violence complaint by a 22year-old British woman and found 127 marijuana plants and 550 grams of buds in a house. A 34-year-old Spaniard was arrested on gender violence and drug trafficking charges last week, after officers raided the house in

connection with domestic violence on Wednesday March 2nd. The man had already fled the building when the Guardia arrived but the British abuse complainant was also detained on suspicion of being involved with the drug operation.

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The Guardia Civil have arrested ten more people involved in a criminal gang that extorted thousands of euros out of unwitting customers handing over personal details and money via fake internet sites. Last week, The Courier reported that the

Guardia had arrested three Romanian ring-leaders in Elche over the fraud, and now another ten Romanians have been collared, also in the Elche area, with officers believing that at least 500 people may have been conned.

Off The Rails People looking to travel by rail over the Easter holidays face disruption after a decision by rail workers to call a 23-hour strike during peak holiday travel. The strike will begin at midnight this

Tuesday and run until Wednesday evening, with the walkout over an alleged failure by Spain's railway operators, Renfe and Adif, to comply with an agreement to hire more workers.

Work on improving the Paseo de Cabo Roig, which has been closed due to rock falls since last summer, is expected to begin by the end of the month according to Orihuela coastal councillor, Sofía Álvarez. She told the Informacion newspaper

A 44-year-old British paraglider was whisked away by helicpoter to hospital on Sunday after he was injured due to a problem with his parachute

that the walk will open in the next three to four months after the safety work is completed. Five companies had submitted bids for the 281 thousand euro tender, and although Orihuela council had advertised the contract back in November, with the

aim of the project being ready for Easter, Álvarez admitted that the process had been delayed by what she described as "bureaucracy". She said that the winning bidder should be in a position to start the 90 days of improvements by the end of March.

Chute Hitch when he was landing in the Agost area of Alicante province. The man had travelled from the Sierra del Cid and fell when he was about five metres

above the ground. His life was not in danger, but he did suffer injuries to his back as well as his hands, and a possible injury to his spleen.

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News

Friday 18th March 2016

Flying High

Wrong Manouevre Iraq says three missing after Air Force plane crashes near Kirkuk.

A driving lesson had an abrupt end in the northern part of Alicante Province on Monday lunchtime when the pupil took the vehicle down an embankment on the CV-800 road between Alicante-Elche airport reported a massive 21 percent yearly rise in passengers based on February’s record returns, with over 610 thousand people using the facility last month. The best ever figures for Feburary follow on from a 19 percent rise in January, with 2016 set to be another recordbreaking year which will

almost certaintrump a figure of 10 and a half million passengers in 2015. Domestic travellers saw a 15 percent increase last month, whilst international users rose by over 22 percent, with United Kingdom passengers accounting for nearly 240 thousand journeys out of the total figure of 610 thousand. German customers came

second at 45 thousand, with Holland third at 42 thousand. The airport’s increased usage reflects travel industry trends of more people across Europe opting for breaks in countries like Spain and Portugal, because of security concerns in holiday areas like Egypt, Tunisia, and Turkey.

Friends Together?

Sant Joan d'Alacant and Xixona. The car went off the road on the bend, with only minor injuries suffered by the learner driver and the instructor who was in the adjoining passenger seat.

Fiddle Free?

San Javier councillors have unanimously approved to commission an external audit of the municipality's

finances between 2007 and 2015. The report will feature all dealings with outside companies and contractors.

Second Zika

A 22-year-old female foreigner has been diagnosed as the second reported case of the Zika virus in Alicante Province. Few details have been released except that she’s lived in Alicante for the last five years, and had

gone back to her native South American country for Christmas and the New Year. Health Ministry sources say that she has fully recovered after being treated at the end of last month.

True Or False?

China-U.S. relations will continue to develop regardless of who wins the presidential election, China's Premier Li Keqiang said. Immigration officials are under fire, following a report indicating that several green cards were sent to the wrong people. EU should resettle 500,000 refugees over five years, says charity. Ohio given permission to try to execute Romell Broom after 2-hour failed attempt in 2009. New report suggests domestic violence and child abandonment are common occurrences in New York City homeless shelters. Egyptian president promises Italy truth in death of student. Three migrants dead as 2,400 rescued off Libya. Egypt said it will regulate ride-hailing services Uber and Careem after protests from taxi drivers in Cairo. French historians unveil WWII secret services' archives.

Valencian President, Ximo Puig (pictured centre), on his first official visit to Orihuela since being elected last spring, has pledged to look into a 21 point list of priorities handed to him by Orihuela mayor, Emilio Bascuñana, including the stalled emergency centre at La Zenia. Tuesday’s meeting was described as friendly with the Socialist president discussing a variety of matters with the Partido Popular mayor. Recent comments from

Bascuñana over what he regarded as poor treatment from the Valencian region seemed to be forgotten as the green light was given for Orihuela City’s decade-delayed Rabaloche health centre, with the work set to be tendered before the end of the month. The mayor said that the completion of the abandoned emergency centre for the Orihuela Costa at La Zenia was towards the very top of their 21 strong list of priorities, and Puig said that he

was committed to progress on all the issues raised by him, including the project at La Zenia which was stopped in 2010 when the contractor went bust. Earlier this year The Courier quoted socialist councillors in Orihuela saying that they had been told by the Valencian Government that money was going to be made available to complete the centre at La Zenia, but President Puig had nothing specific to say about that on Tuesday.

19 thousand people are waiting for hospital operations in Alicante Province, says Valencia regional health minister, Carmen Montón. On a visit to Alicante city, Montón said that the average wait was 104 days and criticised

her predecessor, Manuel Llombart, for allegedly not telling the truth when the Partido Popular were in power after he declared waiting lists of 16 thousand patients with average waits of 61 days.

Road Death

A 98-year-old Los Alcázares motorist died after he suffered a heart attack behind the wheel and his car then hit a tree on Avenida de la Libertad in

the town last Thursday. The accident happened shortly before 6.00 pm with a 58year-old female passenger taken to the Los Arcos hospital with head injuries.

Pro-Russian rebels in eastern Ukraine's separatist Donetsk province began issuing their own passports. British budget extends austerity, cuts growth outlook. President Barack Obama has nominated veteran appeals court judge Merrick Garland to be the next US Supreme Court Justice.

Extreme Syria Figures Over 150 people resident in Spain had travelled to Syria and other countries last year to join the Jihad, according to the Secretary of State for Security, Francisco Martínez. The minister said that 116 people had been detained in 41 operations last year against Jihadist extremists.

Speed Call

La Marina village needs ways to slash vehicle speeds especially in areas close to where children play, according to the Ciudadanos group on Elche council and their leader on the authority, Eva María Crisol. She says that despite there being traffic lights on the main road going through La Marina, other parts of the village like the Plaza de la Amistad area, have nothing to curb the speed of motorists.

Friday 18th March 2016

Poor Judgement

A 52-year-old cyclist was killed and seven others were injured, three of them seriously, after being slammed into by an SUV near the north-western town of A Guarda. An 87-year-old man was arrested at a restaurant not far from the scene of Saturday's accident, with the police saying that he apparently tried to overtake a pack of cyclists but managed to hit several. The driver failed to stop and attend the injured.

Police say he stopped at a nearby restaurant where he raised the alarm and was then arrested pending an investigation. Luis Testero, a cyclist in the group who was not injured, told reporters the driver struck the riders from behind without stopping, flinging some into the air. Earlier this year, a British motorist ploughed into a group of cyclists in the northern part of Alicante Province, but nobody was seriously injured.

A Lot Of Bully

Twelve Years On

Victims associations and politicians from Spain's main political parties gathered in Madrid last Friday to remember the 191 people killed in the Madrid train bombings on March 11th, 2004. The 12th anniversary of the worst terrorist outrage committed in Europe was significant as it is the first time different victims' associations have put their differences behind them to appear together. Acting Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy was among those present, along with Socialist Party leader

Pedro Sanchez and Pablo Iglesias, the leader of the left wing Podemos party. They were joined by the Mayor of Madrid, Manuela Carmena, and the President of the Community of Madrid, Cristina Cifuentes. Rajoy said that combatting terrorism was "a priority" for Spain. "Spain will continue to defend, as it has always done, the lives, rights and freedom of its citizens, both within Spain and abroad," he commented. The Madrid train bombings saw members of an

Al-Qaeda inspired terrorist cell explode four bombs on commuter trains bound for Madrid's Atocha Station. As well as causing 191 deaths, around 2,000 people were injured in the blasts. Meanwhile a number of local commemorations took place including one in Pilar de la Horadada (pictured) at the memorial square to the victims of March 11th, led by the mayor, Ignacio Ramos, which featured the laying of a wreath and a minute's silence.

Tolled Out

Not So Happy Campers Murcia’s regional government has voted to set up a committee to investigate illegal parking of caravans and motor homes around the Mar Menor and the whole of the Costa Calida. Earlier this year, Murcia's tourist director, Manuel Fernández-Delgado, said that he was talking with coastal municipalities to curb the numbers of illegally parked camper vans around local beaches. Fernández-Delgado said that San Javier council had been especially pro-active including the production of leaflets in five languages about where people can legally park.

Local Cat Deaths

Animal welfare associations ADAM and Patas Unidas have claimed that nine dead cats were found in Pinar de Campoverde last Saturday, were poisoned. The groups uncovered 14 cats that were poisoned last September in El Mojón through a banned agricultural substance called Aldicarb.

Thousands of people took part in a demonstration in Valencia City on Sunday in support of bullfighting. The protesters marched through the streets to protest at local bans applied in some parts of Spain. Famous names from the ritualistic sport attending the march were Enrique

Ponce and Julian Lopez “El Juli” Escobar. Both joined another famous fighter, Jose Antonio Morante Camacho, better known as Morante de la Puebla, at the gathering. Participants held aloft banners proclaiming the practice as a key element of cultural expression.

Neighbourly Plea

Torrevieja's mayor, José Manuel Dolon, is to ask neighbouring councils to help fund the Torreviejabased AFA Alzheimer's Association. Dolon visited the AFA centre in the city and was briefed about their concerns including the state of their building which suffers from water leaks during periods of rain and the fact that they have a waiting list of 30 people

that they would like to help, but are at their limit of 40 that they can deal with. AFA said that they helped people from Pilar de la Horadada, San Miguel de Salinas, Los Montesinos, Rojales and Guardamar, with Dolon pledging to ask for help from his colleagues at adjoining councils. He also presented a donation of one thousand euros.

A Los Montesinos toll booth operator got an early morning shock last Friday when a lorry from the Danone company destroyed his booth, but

neither the operator or driver were seriously injured. The accident happened on the AP-7 at the Montesinos pay station with the truck driver suffering only minor

injuries and the booth worker being taken to the Vega Baja hospital for a check over. The Guardia Civil are investigating what caused the crash.

In The Clear

Past and present Barcelona football club presidents are said to have been cleared of involvement in the fraud case involving the signing three years ago of the Brazilian player Neymar. Current president Josep Maria Bartomeu and predecessor Sandro Rosell (pictured either side of Neymar) are said to be no longer defendants according to the club

after winning an appeal and that if a fresh case was opened at the Barcelona court, new evidence would have to be presented. Brazilian investment group DIS owned 40 percent of Neymar's sporting rights before his move to the Catalan giants from Santos in 2013. Neymar, his father, Bartomeu and Rosell had all been called to testify over a complaint for fraud

and corruption brought by DIS. The deal was originally valued at just over 57 million euros by Barcelona, 40 million of which was paid to the N&N company owned by the player's father, with Santos receiving just over 17 million euros. The courts though have estimated the number of simultaneous deals in the transfer amounted to at least 83 million euros.

News

Friday 18th March 2016

More Of The Same Spaniards would vote the same way as they did in December's general election in the event of a new poll, resulting in no clear mandate to govern and continued political deadlock, according to a survey published in the El Pais newspaper last Sunday. Spain's parties have failed to form a government after more than two months of fruitless negotiations and two unsuccessful parliamentary votes to back a Socialist-led coalition government. People must return to the polls if the impasse is not resolved before a May 2nd deadline. But a similar inconclusive result could mean months of lost leadership at a time when the country is trying to cut debt

and sustain an economic recovery. The right-wing Partido Popular would continue to win most votes with 26 percent although this would fall far short of the absolute majority to form a government, the survey conducted by pollsters Metroscopia showed. The Socialists, who failed to gain enough parliamentary support to form

Big Bacon Raid

Five Francis Bacon paintings worth around 30 million euros have been stolen from the Madrid home of their owner, but the crime which happened last summer, only hit the media last weekend. The El Pais newspaper said that the works were taken last June, but could not shed any light on why the heist was kept

quiet. El Pais reported that police from a specialist arts and antiques unit had opened an investigation into the heist, with the 59-yearold owner of the paintings said to be a friend of the Irish-born artist, who died whilst on holiday in Madrid in 1992 from chronic asthma at the age of 82.

Cover Up Guilt

Two Pilar de la Horadada businessmen and the exwife of one them have pled guilty in an Elche court to charges that they tried to cover up the murder of one their workers back in 2008 because he was illegally employed by them. The trio's lawyers saw them broker a deal which saw them handed a one year prison sentence on concealing a crime and breaking labour laws including using non-contract labour and illegal immigrants. As it was a first sentencing, all three under Spanish law, avoid jail time. In March 2008, a North

African man was clubbed in the head by a wooden tool during a fight with a fellow employee and subsequently died in hospital a few days later. Prosecutors said that the three defendants were more interested in covering up the fact that the injured man should not have been there and instead of calling an ambulance, they disposed of the weapon; changed the man's overalls so that their company would not be identified; and cleared the blood away from the scene. They then took him to a nearby medical centre.

a coalition government earlier this month, would come second with 23 percent. The two new parties, the centrist Ciudadanos and left wing Podemos, would come third and fourth respectively, with Ciudadanos showing a marked improvement on its December 20th share of the vote after it made a pact with the Socialists to form a centre-left coalition.

Paws For Thought

Murcia's regional government wants dog-friendly beaches in all of its coastal municipalities including San Javier, San Pedro del Pinatar and Los Alcázares. The environment minister, Adela Martínez-Cachá, met with local mayors and briefed them on the success of the dog beach at Mazarrón and the fact that Águilas council had voted to introduce one last week. She added that such a move would reflect what local people wanted as well as boosting tourism. In Alicante Province, there are plans for dog beaches on the Orihuela Costa, as well as in the Guardamar, Torrevieja, Santa Pola and Elche municipalities, though in most cases, no actual beach areas have been designated.

Guardia Civil No Trust

The Guardia Civil have arrested members of a crime gang suspected of robbing drug dealers by pretending to be policemen. Authorities say some 30 suspected members of the gang have been captured with arrests taking place in Barcelona, Málaga, Huelva and Cádiz. Drugs, weapons, vehicles and more than 60 thousand euros in cash were seized by Guardia agents.

Lo Pagán Clean Up Demo The Lo Pagán neighbourhood association say that they are going to stage a weekly Saturday protest to complain about the state of Villananitos beach until something is done about it by the San Pedro del Pinatar council and the regional Murcia government. Antonio Ros of the association says that parts of the beach have seriously built up with silt after floods a few years ago and can even cost lives after two elderly visitors had to be rescued by lifeguards after they got trapped in mud last year.

Pine False Alarm

Burnt Out

A car parked in Santa Pola got burnt to a crisp on Monday afternoon, with firefighters from the Elche Park station having too long a journey to arrive on the scene to save the vehicle. The blaze on Calle Uruguay started in the engine, and

the incident has prompted criticism from some local residents that a morelocalised fire fighting service is needed, at least during the summer season, similar to the ambulance provision they get from SAMU.

Early Risers

There's no pine tree disease in the Rojales area according to Valencia's environment department running contrary to recent claims from Rojales council that two cases of soflamado had been detected in the area. The regional government had been asked for help and had concluded that the trees had died as a result of rainfall and nothing else.

Full To Bursting Santa Pola Mayor, Yolanda Seva, has met with Valencia health bosses to call for a fully 24 hour operational health centre dedicated to Gran Alacant. Seva says that the current facility is too small to deal with the demands of a population of around 11 thousand residents, who have to make nighttime journeys to Santa Pola for treatment. A potential site for a new centre has been previously identified at Monte-Faro Altomar in a plan that was published seven years ago.

Fishy Decision

The cost of reopening a refurbished Alicante City aquarium has tripled after the 19-year-old facility was closed down last summer following the death of 130 fish due to a cooling engine fault. The 142 thousand euro plan will see the aquarium at the Plaza Nueva open up again this autumn with six tanks with a total capacity of 75 thousand litres of water, containing a variety of Mediterranean sea life, including one dedicated to jellyfish.

News

Friday 18th March 2016

Living By Numbers

Torrevieja's population stands at just over 98 thousand residents according to the council's census department, which puts the numbers at the level of a decade ago, and in contrast to the previous council stating in 2014 that the numbers were at 108 thousand, as opposed to the National Statistics Institute (INE) return of 91 thousand residents. The INE figures, based

on padron registration, are the final word on population matters, and the city's falling population meant a reduction in central funding for the municipality, as well as a reduction in the number of councillors on the authority. One of the changes headlined in the council statistics is that the majority of Torrevieja residents are now Spanish, at nearly 51 percent, as opposed to non - Spaniards

accounting for 53 percent of those registered on the padron back in 2006. 115 different nationalities are represented in Torrevieja, with UK residents standing at eight and a half thousand, followed by Russians on just over five thousand; Moroccans at three and a half thousand; and then Ukrainians, Bulgarians, and Romanians all at around two and a half thousand each.

Tabarca Pledge

400 people were evacuated from a Benidorm hotel due to a fire in the laundry last Saturday morning. The blaze was at the Hotel RH Victoria on Avenida Emilio Ortuño and started at

around 6.30 am. It was soon brought under control and the residents were allowed back into their rooms an hour later, though one Dutch visitor had to be treated for shock.

Down You Go Alicante's mayor, Gabriel Echávarri, has said that he's against any Valencia government call on his council to reduce the number of tourists visiting Tabarca island. The authority leader went there last Friday and said that the residents were against any quota system following

claims that in excess of 10 thousand visitors were coming to Tabarca on a regular basis at the height of the summer, causing concern over the state of the local flora and fauna. Echávarri reported that the inhabitants had told him that there were only two days last year when the 10

thousand figure was breached and that he would oppose anything that was detrimental to the island's economy and the wishes of the residents. Meanwhile the council has written to Valencia’s public works ministry asking for a heliport to be created on Tabarca to be used in emergencies.

Personal Question

Spain's consumer prices fell by 0.8 percent in February when compared with the same month of a year earlier, according figures released by the National Statistical Office (INE). Prices of transport fell by 4.7 percent in February year-on-year, while prices of food and non-alcoholic drinks and items related to communications rose by 1.3 percent and 2.7 percent respectively. The INE also reported that on a month-to-month basis, Spain's consumer prices fell by 0.4 percent in February.

Spain's prices have been decreasing for two consecutive months year-on-year since the end of 2015 when the country's inflation rate stood at 0 percent. The State Secretary for Economy, Inigo Fernandez de Mesa, said that the acting government expected the inflation rate to be positive although he recognised it was difficult to predict "when". However, he said that the fall in Spain was positive as it improved the purchasing power of households and the companies' competitiveness.

A women's group is trying to have a Basque region judge suspended after she asked a rape victim whether she had tried "closing her legs and all her female organs," when she requested a restraining order to protect herself from the man who physically and sexually abused her. "She showed obvious disbelief of the testimony of the victim, questioned her without allowing her to answer, asking leading and offensive questions," said Blanca Estrella Ruiz, president of the Clara Campoamor Association. Ruiz also claimed that it is not the first time that the

judge, María del Carmen Molina Mansilla, had asked survivors of sexual assault such questions. "Other women have lodged complaints about the re-victimisation they experienced in this court...women are

scared as to what might happen to them as victims in this court and it is disincentivising them to report such crimes," she said. The judge would not comment on the current case as it was still being heard.

Tony Mayes - About Life

Friday 18th March 2016

Welby Puts His Finger On It Britain's most senior cleric says it is "outrageous" to call people with concerns about immigration racist. The Archbishop of Canterbury's remarks were a breath of fresh air into the debate over mass immigration into Britain. In part, Justin Welby said: "Britons have a "justified" fear of mass immigration. The scale of Europe's migrant crisis meant such anxieties were entirely reasonable. Fear is a valid emotion at a time of such colossal crisis. This is one of the greatest movements of people in human history. Just enormous. And to be anxious about that is very reasonable. There is a tendency to say 'those people are racist', which is just outrageous, absolutely outrageous." He claimed it was essential that the "genuine fear" some people felt was listened to. "In fragile communities particularly - and I've worked in many areas with very fragile communities over my time as a clergyman - there is a genuine fear: what happens about housing?" the Archbishop added. "What happens about jobs? What happens about access to health services?" He said that British people had shown they were able to deal "brilliantly" with such challenges. "Fear is justified, I wouldn't want to criticise that for a moment, but so is

hope wholly justified, because we have the capacity. "We're those kind of people, we always have been." If only the Archbishop's predecessors had had the courage to speak out like he has done, Britain would not now be facing the huge problems it now has. So, well done Archbishop - perhaps 30 years too late and after the horse has bolted, but very welcome, none the less. There's such a thing as poetic justice, and an American woman has been at the receiving end of it big time. She's Jamie Gilt, who lives in Florida and has a four-year-old son. And she's one of these outspoken Americans who can see nothing wrong in US citizens carrying guns. In fact, she runs a page on Facebook called 'Gun Sense' campaigning for the right to carry arms, and one of her posts reads: "My right to protect my child with my gun trumps your fear of my gun." Well, it came back to hit her last week, when she had a loaded .45-calibre handgun in the back of her pick-up truck alongside her son, who was playing with it and accidentally fired the weapon, a bullet hitting her through the driving seat into her back. Luckily she was able to stop the car and was found by police in obvious distress. The accident is being investigated. I wonder if the injury

Jamie has suffered will temper her love of guns - I hope so. Something must persuade Americans that there's a better way of living than to have to carry a gun just because they are in fear that some other crazy fool has a gun and may use it on them. Well done to the UK government for at last making it illegal to own a dog without it being microchipped. Owners who have failed to microchip their pets after next month will be guilty of a criminal offence and could face a fine of £500. The Government believes the legislation, which comes into force in England on April 6th, could save councils and charities up to 33 million pounds a year. Animal welfare minister George Eustice said the policy will "also help to tackle the growing problem of strays roaming the streets". Christopher Barnard, from Battersea Dogs and Cats Home, said: "There'll be a much quicker turnover of dogs in our care, and it will help us locate the owners of dogs that usually, if they weren't microchipped, we wouldn't be able to find." I hope that it will reduce the number of irresponsible dog owners and personally I would have gone further by requiring cats to be microchipped too and reintroducing licensing for both dogs and cats. I am certain that doing that would deter

many people from buying puppies and kittens, particularly at Christmas time, and throwing them out a few weeks later when they tire of them. All dogs here in Spain already have to be microchipped, so it’s good to see the Brits catching up! Can someone please explain to me why someone earning £50,000 or more a year should think they should have their rents subsidised by others? Thousands of people went on the march in London at the weekend to protest at government plans to make people with higher incomes pay more in council house rents. Under the socalled 'pay to stay' measures, if combined household income is above £30,000 a year, or £40,000 in London, then councils would be forced to charge the same level as the equivalent private sector rent. In fact the plan is to taper the rent increases in, so that a tenant earning just above the threshold will not be forced to pay the equivalent of private sector rent. Sadly in Britain too many people have become dependent on subsidies in one form or another and once they receive them will fight tooth and nail to preserve them. But the reality is that because too many people receive benefits they can actually do without, there is less money to go around to help those who actually need

them. Trying to redress the imbalance is what the government is all about, but in addition the government is trying to rein in the benefits bill which has grown so huge that it is causing Britain to live beyond its means something it cannot afford to do because it just keeps ratcheting up the national debt. So, it's vital that people who can afford to pay their way should do so and no longer expect subsidies as a God-given right. Sadly, private sector rents, particularly in London, have become unaffordable even to people with good incomes, so something needs to be done to halt the ever increasing value of properties in the capital. One way of doing this may be to stop rich foreigners buying up properties and even entire streets for a start! Scottish Nationalist MPs had the cheek to frustrate attempts by the UK government to allow Sunday trading in England. They conjured up some lame excuse for poking their noses into Englishonly matters by saying that allowing Sunday trading in England would have implications north of the border. Yes, that may be true because Scotland already has Sunday trading and shops near the border may have seen a reduction in business. How hypocritical. If I was Cameron I would be drawing

up plans to put to the Cabinet to throw interfering Scotland out of the Union, giving them their independence whether they liked it or not. If people in England want to go to the shops on Sundays they should have the right to do so. If insufficient people wanted to do so it would be unprofitable and shops would quickly close. People should have the choice to do as they please, whether to go shopping, out for a walk, to a football match or to church and should not be dictated to by politicians. There's too much interference in people's liberties and freedom of choice and something should be done to curb it, and when I'm told what to do by Scots interfering in the affairs of another country I say enough is enough. As for Labour and the unions opposing it, claiming it would reduce people's pay - it just smacks of opposition just for the sake of it. Sunday jobs mean that more teenagers and students who want to earn a few pounds (as I did at that age) have a greater chance of doing so and to hell with Labour and the unions with their narrow minded ideas. Incidentally, supermarkets here are open seven days a week and it works extremely well without any obvious problems in a staunch Catholic country. So why not in England?

Green Is Good

Torrevieja Hospital has become the first hospital in Alicante Province to use 'green laser' surgery to treat Benign Prostate Enlargement. The technique helps reduce complications during the operation and cuts down the stay in hospital for the patient.

Castle Calamity

The restoration of a ninth century castle has led to a storm of complaints with Cadiz residents branding the whole project as a disaster. Castillo de Matrera in southern Spain, is a listed site that attracts thousands of visitors annually, and it needed major restoration after part of the building collapsed following torrential rain. The resulting restoration of the treasured national monument, reportedly by a local building company, has angered historians, as well as local people. Heritage and conservation group Hispania Nostra described it as a "heritage massacre".

News

Friday 18th March 2016

Stash Smashed

Almost 15 thousand packets of drugs said to be more dangerous than cocaine or marijuana have been have been seized by the National Police after a search at a warehouse in the Alicante city area. Five people from the Ukraine, Latvia, and Lithuania were arrested with the police saying they changed the chemicals using drugs similar to banned substances so they could try to sell them as natural products in grow shops. The final product was destined to be used in Spain and Britain. The police operation dubbed Operation Rulas - began in January when they discovered a secret lab at a luxury villa in Altea on the northern Costa Blanca. Undercover officers discovered the two suspects living at the property left it regularly in the early hours to pick up alleged accomplices and then drove to the Alicante warehouse where the

Murcia government officials were turned away from Corvera airport on Wednesday by the previous concession owner, Aeromur, despite court rulings confirming that the contract

drugs were subsequently found. Police in Spain got Britain's National Crime Agency involved after seeing a parcel delivery firm collect five boxes bound for the UK from the warehouse which turned out to contain synthetic cannabinoids. They obtained a warrant to search the premises because of their suspicions the legal products were being adulterated with harmful substances to produce effects similar to banned drugs. A spokesman for the National Police said: "They had prepared the drugs for sale in estab-

Locked Out with the company was justifiably scrapped in 2013. Public works minister, Francisco BernabĂŠ, has told the La Verdad newspaper that he plans to ask the Supreme Court for legal

lishments known as grow shops. The people behind these underground labs that produce these synthetic drugs, known as rave drugs or legal highs, check the inclusion of the substances they use in the lists of banned substances, altering them with others which are similar but unregulated until they're detected and classified as illegal. In this case, the suspects used a substance similar to methamphetamine and another psychoactive drug classified as an hallucinogen. Its toxic effect is stronger than that of marijuana or cocaine."

backing to remove Aeromur officials by force if necessary from the facility, they still have to exhaust all their legal options in their long running battle with the Murcia government.

Watch It As Speed Traps Introduced Extra radar speed traps are to be introduced on some of the Costa Blanca's more notorious blackspot roads by DGT Trafico, with the focus on non-dual carriageway stretches including the N-332. With this new campaign there will also be increased breathalyser and drug testing carried out by the Guardia Civil around our local area..

Timeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Up For Bar Irlanda

A Valencian court has shut down an Almoradi bar for six months after it broken the law 57 times. The closure follows a Justice Ministry fine of 43 thousand euros in January for a series of breaches mainly related to noise and opening hours.

The closure followed a recommendation by the ombudsman to the local council that Bar Irlanda on Calle Canalejas be shut down after a stream of complaints by residents over the last 18 months to the local police and the council.

News

Friday 18th March 2016

Callosa Collapse

An apartment block in Callosa de Segura was evacuated on Saturday when a first floor bathroom collapsed. The incident happened on Calle José Canales Cascales with 15 families being evacuated and having to stay overnight with either friends or relatives or some 18 people at the local sports centre, with facilities provided by the Cruz Roja and the local council. Nobody was in the bathroom at the time and there were no injuries as a result of the collapse. Some aluminum-bearing dust that could cause the restrictive lung disease aluminosis had been detected in the building which was described as old, with renovation work in progress at

the time to deal with the problem. Residents on the top two floors were allowed to return home this week, but a dozen families on the remaining floors will have to wait up to two months for all the building and safety

work to be completed. Four families who had nowhere to go to remained at the sports centre until Wednesday with the Callosa council’s social welfare department finding temporary accommodation for them.

Nanook The Life Saving Hero A dog has saved the life of a drowning man at Malaga after barking unexpectedly and taking his owner towards the sea wall. Nanook, a labrador, was on a walk with his owner, Jose Ignacio, when he started behaving out of character and pulling on the lead. Nanook led Jose him to a spot where a man, described as "thin and in his sixties" was flailing in the water, but his

calls for help were being drowned out by the noise of the sea. Mr. Ignacio immediately went for assistance, and the man was rescued by police and port workers. "He was freezing and close to drowning,” said Mr. Ignacio. "He was hauled into a boat and wrapped in a blanket. He was saved thanks to Nanook." The dog was later praised by port authorities

Stubbed Out

A record 88 tonnes of contraband tobacco worth 14 million euros has been seized in the biggest illegal tobacco smuggling operation to be ever smashed in Spain. Inquiries started in November, when 11 people were arrested and 41 tonnes of roll-your-own tobacco was seized in operations throughout various provinces in Andalucía. It was manufactured in three warehouses in Almería province and distributed to mainly southern-Spanish companies and to individuals in Spain via courier service. Cigarette tubes with forged brand names were also seized, along with flavourings used to copy the taste of well-known types of cigarette, plus equipment for making them up, invoices and other documents, and several vehicles. Police said at the time that they had confiscated enough tobacco

to make eight million packets of contraband cigarettes, or 800,000 cartons. Their inquiries began after the association of tobacconist shops in the province of Jaén reported an unusual drop in sales. Working with police from Poland, Estonia and Bulgaria, the Guardia Civil in Andalucía continued the investigations and have since found nearly two tonnes of loose tobacco and fake cigarettes in shops in Linares and Santiago de Pontones in Jaén province. Ongoing raids throughout the region have led to a total of 88 tonnes being seized and a further six arrests. They were said to have been buying the tobacco in plant format from a company which had eluded health and safety checks by claiming it was using the goods for purposes not related to smoking.

Snatcher Stopped In Valenica A 21 –year old woman has been arrested in Valencia after trying to steal five babies from two hospitals in Cartagena and Valencia, whilst she pretended to be a nurse. The National Police discovered she had tried to take two newborns from Cartagena General Hospital earlier on the Sunday, before travelling north to Valencia’s La Fe hospital. The father, who raised the alarm, works as a doctor at La Fe. He is said to have snatched his hours-old child out of her arms and alerted hospital staff after becoming suspicions about the answers she gave to his questions on the tests she said needed to be performed. She entered two more rooms before being caught. But discovered the woman in one was yet to give birth and was ordered out of the other by suspicious relatives of the child she allegedly tried to take. Hospital security guards held her as she left the toilets before police arrived.

Friday 18th March 2016

Elaine Is Fit As A Fiddle

A 60-year-old lady is set to take on the Yorkshire Three Peaks Challenge on Saturday March 26th, raising money for the Rojales-based Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre while climbing the three peaks that make up the Pennine Range: Whernside, Ingleborough and Pen-yGhent. Elaine Sissons, who lives in Britain but has a Costa Blanca holiday home, is a volunteer at the centre’s La Zenia charity shop, and last year raised nearly 600 euros for the Centre after doing a sky dive back in Britain. To prepare for the 26-mile challenge, Elaine initially began practicing on the

rugged Spanish mountains around her holiday house, and now back in Leeds, Elaine has joined a running group and walks everywhere. “I have never done a marathon before or climbed three mountains in succession,” Elaine said. She was inspired into action after meeting cofounders Sue and Rod Weeding 19 months ago. “I felt very humbled by their dedication, hard work and selflessness,” Elaine added. “What they have achieved and continue to achieve is amazing. Because I could see the difference they were making to every horse they saved, I wanted to help.”

Help At Home Charity Praised

British consular officials from Alicante have endorsed the work done by the Help At Home, Costa Blanca charity in a visit to their Playa Flamenca centre. Vice Consuls Sara Munsterhjelm and Elizabeth Bell checked out the efforts by a group of volunteers providing support to all nationalities of all ages living in the Vega Baja region. The aim of the visit was to discuss what support the Consulate can offer the charity to help British residents living in the area,

with Help at Home founder and general secretary, Norah Bond talking about the relationship between the Consulate and the charity, with the support that the group have been given from Alicante over the last five years. Elizabeth Bell and her team have advised on many cases, from repatriation to passport renewal, but have also helped HAH on cases involving clients in hospital who are in need of aftercare on discharge.

A new English speaking club is being set up for the Almoradi area, with the view to creating a social club catering for English speakers . The initial aim is for the English speaking club to meet a couple of times per month, and it will give a

chance for people to make new friends as well. The first meeting will be at 4.00 pm on Monday March 28th at Victoria’s Tearoom on Calle Pablo Picasso (around the corner from the main square). For more details, please email davedanie@gmail.com

Come On Down!

Local & News

ADAPT Association Gives

Three San Pedro del Pinatar-based charities have each received a 500 euro boost thanks to the local ADAPT Association which looks to integrate English-speaking residents with the Spanish community. Cheques for 500 euros each were presented to

Juana Romero Bano, President of AFEMAR; Miguel Andreu, Director General of AIDEMAR; and to Janet Pierce on behalf of Alzheimer’s group AMMA. The presentations took place at San Pedro Town Hall, with the ceremony attended by the Mayor, Visitación Martínez.

Music School Third Staging A charity show put together by dance studio owner, Sue Gibson, called “Dancing through the Decades” featuring local entertainers is being staged at the Los Montesinos Music School on Wednesday April 13th and Thursday April 14th. The show features 40 ladies who take part in

Sue’s dance classes and it’s the third time that Sue has put together a show which will also feature magician Graeme Mykel and singer Paul Allen. Curtain goes up on both nights is at 7.00pm, with the proceeds going to local families in need. Tickets can be reserved by calling Sue on 618 805 036.

Friday 18th March 2016

Pets

Friday 18th March 2016

Devon’s Supreme Honour

Devon the West Highland terrier was awarded the Crufts supreme champion title after one of the tensest finals in the show’s 125 years last Sunday evening. The little white terrier pipped a sleek whippet for the Best in Show trophy – a cup almost three times the size of Devon! Devon’s victory in Birmingham came after four days of competition, which had seen 22,000 dogs from 200 breeds challenging for the most prestigious title in the world of pedigree dogs. Seven dogs made it through to the grand final but the little Westie’s

victory was widely applauded as it marked a “home double” – a native breed with a British owner. Devon’s owner Marie Burns, a Kennel Club Assured Breeder from Bishop Auckland, County Durham, was in tears after being chosen by top judge Derek Smith. Marie said: “I can’t believe it, it was amazing. She is a typical terrier, a bit of a tomboy, very independent and fun to be around. I’m so thankful to everyone who has helped us get there. I can’t believe it: she’s the first West Highland terrier to win in more than 20 years.”

An Independent Streak Ask most people to describe a cat and most likely you'll hear words like mysterious, stand-offish, composed, regal – and independent. Cats give the impression that they do not need us. They have a quiet composure and dignity that dogs rarely display. And they are not obedient like dogs – we usually can't teach them to fetch the paper or play dead. When they learn, they often learn things on their own. THE NATURE OF CATS The notion that cats are independent has persisted for centuries. Perhaps this is because cats are solitary predators, unlike dogs who hunt within the pack. Dogs are team players, and their survival depends on it. But the cat must hunt alone; in fact, feline hunting methods of stalking, hiding, and pouncing would not be successful if performed as a group tactic. Although cats can live in groups, they don't actually need to. While it’s true that in

general, cats can be kept home alone for longer periods than dogs, they are still dependent on us and are not low-maintenance companions. The misconception that cats are independent and require little or no care causes many of them to suffer needlessly both physically and emotionally. Cats need your companionship and in fact, some will go through separation anxiety if left alone too often or for too long – something most people only associate with their canine counterparts. A cat may not display separation anxiety in the way we associate with dogs so it can be easy to overlook the signs that a cat is concerned and confused. AFFECTION Cats show affection in so many ways and you might even not notice some of the more subtle ones. Your cat doesn’t have to be a lap cat to be affectionate. She may

enjoy sitting next to you or maybe even a several inches away but that doesn’t mean she’s not affectionate. Think about how many times your cat has rubbed her head against you or given you one of those slow-blink cat kisses, or rubbed alongside of you, purred or given you some scratchy-tongue kisses. Those are all signs of affection. Most cats enjoy being petted as well but not necessarily in the same way you pet your dog. No belly rubs for the cat, please, or else you’ll trigger a defensive response. Some cats may also have preferences when it comes to where on the body they like being petted or for how long. Some cats will enjoy a massage for extended periods and some prefer a drive-by stroke or two. Your cat spends a great deal of effort getting to know you as a companion — what you like, what you don’t, etc. – so if you do the same

you increase your chances of having the relationship you’ve always wanted with her. SOLITARY OR SOCIAL Cats are constantly called solitary creatures and that’s not accurate. Cats are social animals. Their social structure is different than that of dogs. The misconception may come from the fact that because they’re small predators they often hunt alone because they go after prey that’ll only supply enough food for one. Cats are also unique in that they’re predators but because of their size, they are also prey. They must be cautious in certain situations. If you just look at your cat’s world from her point of view you’ll see a wonderful companion who is ready to offer you so much love. Don’t compare her to a dog — look at her for the gorgeous cat that she is. Dogs are great at being dogs. Cats are great at being cats.

Pets Corner: Can You take in a Homeless Dog or Cat?

COOPER Cooper was about two years old when he was rescued and is now at 90 percent good health. He is one of the most wonderfully good natured dogs that PEPA have ever come across, and is great with other dogs and with people. PEPA would cover all his costs if fostered. If you could look after Cooper, please call 650 304 746 or send an email to p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail.com

GEORGE This beautiful dog is known as Gorgeous George and is in desperate need of a new home. He is still very young as he is an eight month old Galgo cross, who is great with other dogs and loves children. His sweet nature maken him a perfect pet and a companion to those who look out for him. Please phone 645 469 253. www.petsinspain.com

HAZEL Hazel is one of four puppies that were brought into the SAT kennels from an abandoned litter and are waiting to have the relevant vaccinations and microchip before they can be adopted. Hazel is 11 weeks old and is a happy, healthy, large crossbreed, slightly smaller than her sisters. Please contact the kennels directly on 966 710 047 or email info@satanimalrescue.com

INCA Inca is a five year old German Shepherd. She is very placid, good with cats and children. A really beautiful lady who needs a good home. Inca is used to being an outdoor dog, but would very quickly adapt to living indoors as well as out, and would quickly become very loyal to any new owners. If you would like to adopt Inca, please call K9 on 600 845 420.

LILY Lily is a medium sized female, rescued by APAH when she was abandoned. She is a friendly, social girl who gets on well with the rest of the APAH dogs and loves lots of love and attention from people. If you would like to arrange to meet Lily, or any of the other loving cats and dogs who are looking for a forever home, please call APAH on 630 422 563 or 616 210 850.

TEDDY Teddy is a 10 month old mixed breed dog, who is very intelligent and loves playing with other dogs and people. He is very good with other dogs and walks well on a lead. Poor Teddy has never known a home, and he is a very laid back dog eager to please. For more on this adorable boy please phone PEPA on 650 304 746 or send them an email to PEPA direct p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail.com

Friday 18th March 2016

Dave Silver

Friday 18th March 2016

The Night That Pub Peace Was In Short Measure It was a particularly quiet night in the pub. You could have heard a pin drop. Actually, scrub that last bit. You couldn't have heard a pin drop because the hostelry had only recently had a new carpet put down and, anyway, the aforementioned pin would have probably landed silently on the horizontal form of Ol' Red Eyes who spent all his hours kipping on the floor. But nonetheless there was a subdued atmosphere pervading the pub and it wasn't long before we found out why. For two members of our select group, Indoor Lou and Fearful Phil, were more than subdued. They were strangely sombre. It turned out to be the calm before the storm. The storm broke when our leader and mentor

Andromeda Arkwright entered the premises. Indoor Lou and Fearful Phil made a beeline for her bar stool and chorused: 'We wish to register a complaint.' Andromeda, who was about to purchase a round of drinks for the lads, put her money back in her purse and turned to her two charges whose welfare was her responsibility but who were apparently unhappy about something. Dave the barman, on the other hand, was more than apparently unhappy about something. He was DEFINITELY unhappy about something, namely the sight of a wad of money destined for his ever-hungry cash till disappearing back into Andromeda's purse. Andromeda felt Dave the barman's laser glare burning into her very soul.

'Priorities, Dave,' pointed out our leader. 'I shall get in a round of drinks after I have sorted out what is bothering two of my boys.' Dave the barman responded thus: 'Never mind YOUR charges! What about MY charges? I have to make a living you know.' 'All in good time,' soothed Andromeda. 'Now, lads,' she said, turning to Indoor Lou and Fearful Phil, 'Pray tell me your problem?' 'You hate us!' chorused the two complainants. Andromeda Arkwright appeared genuinely shocked because she WAS genuinely shocked. 'But what on earth gives you that impression, Lou and Phil. I love you both exactly the same as I love all of my boys -- even that grumpy fellow, Dave Silver.' But Indoor Lou and Fearful

Phil still looked upset as they listed their grievances. 'You're either fussing over Daft Barry or trying to bring Ol' Red Eyes back to life or dashing outside to convince Fag Ash Bill to give up the fags. But what about us? We need your attention, too.' Andromeda leaped from her stool and hugged Indoor Lou and Fearful Phil to her bosom. 'Oh, my poor boys!' she almost wailed. 'May the Almighty forgive me for inadvertently giving you that impression.' 'God will forgive you before I do,' muttered Dave the barman as he eyed Andromeda's purse. Releasing the two pubsters from her suffocating hug, our guide and mentor lovingly surveyed the rest of us. 'I hereby promise that I will

devote myself to all of you for the remainder of my life -- or at least until I move out of the area.' 'I'll drink to you living around here forever,' said Dave the barman, looking hopefully at Andromeda's handbag. 'Oh, I do love a happy ending,' cooed Mrs S when I returned home and recounted what had happened. 'Andromeda Arkwright must be an angel. I mean to look after you lot every day the way she does. That woman is a great influence. 'I reckon you should spend even more time with her . . . maybe even move into the pub permanently?' 'Oh, I don't know,' I responded. 'I'm fully conscious that you have my best interests at heart, my love, but to leave the marital home and go live at the pub 'Why

not give it a go,' suggested Mrs S. 'I promise to let you have a new front door key after I've changed the locks so that you can always come home if things don't work out.' I thought carefully over Mrs S's words and sought clarification. 'You're not trying to get rid of me, are you?' 'Of course not, you gullible old thing!' she giggled. 'I was only joking.' Mrs S gave me a big onearmed hug while with the hand at the end of her other arm she surreptitiously ripped off the top page of the small writing pad laying on the telephone table and cast it into the wastepaper bin. When I emptied the bin the following day I found a crumpled piece of paper on which was written: 'Reminder: Ring locksmith hopefully.'

Friday 18th March 2016

TRELI ON THE TELLY WITH ALEX TRELINSKI

BBC 1’s continuity announcer sounded like she was being tickled under the table by DirectorGeneral Tony Hall such was her excitement last Tuesday night as she linked into the final instalment of the current run of Happy Valley. The superlatives oozed out in her 20 second introduction but they were more than justified in a terrific finale to a second series that achieved the extraordinary feat of trumping a brilliant first outing. If you’re playing “catch-up”, then I shall keep it largely spoiler-free only to say that pretty much all the loose ends were neatly tied up, and there was a gripping encounter between the deluded bogus teaching assistant and our heroine, Catherine. I didn’t have a stopwatch running, but I’m convinced that Sarah Lancashire appeared on screen for at least 90 percent of the episode, and wasn’t she fantastic? Hats off again to writer Sally Wainwright and everybody to do with Happy Valley,

Lancashire Rules Yorkshire

which also at the end came up with something I’d never seen before on the BBC, namely no credits whatsoever(either a timing issue or a way to maximise the impact). No official announcement yet from the Beeb, but all the UK papers

say that a third series is already being worked on, the only problem being that we’ll have to wait a couple of years to see it! ITV have brought back a weekend stinker which plunges the depths of despair, namely You're

Back In The Room, but it had one thing going over last year's awful Stars In Their Eyes revival with Harry Hill:- people actually watched it, and heaven knows why. Close to four million UK viewers tuned in for last Saturday's return of

this puerile extension of an old music hall hypnotism act, as we are meant to laugh at people doing and saying silly things. I normally watch Question Time for that, and this sad apology for Saturday night TV, which is cheap to produce, will have the ITV accountants rubbing their hands in glee and intelligent viewers wondering why John Logie Baird bothered to invent television in the first place. It makes the Shane Richie lottery show over on BBC 1 appear to be an audition for MENSA, and is in sharp contrast to the always entertaining Saturday Takeway that precedes it. The good news is that there are only three programmes left. Harry Houdini and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle have teamed up together in a bit of drama fluff called, wait for it, Houdini and Doyle, which premiered on ITV last Sunday, but sadly(unless you have it on your system) the rest of the series is hidden behind the paywall channel of ITV Encore.

St Patrick´s Day 2016

That's a real shame as this fictional nonsense is really good fun as Tim McInnery and Stephan Mangan combine well as the leads in solving crimes, starting off with a nun that was bumped off by the ghost of another nun! This would have been perfect to run mid-evening Saturday (in place of You're Back In The Room) and folk like a good mystery yarn, as I remember Jonathan Creek doing well for the Beeb in a similar slot. Channel Four's Indian Summers was one of the most under-rated dramas of last year, but with foreign money invested in it and good international sales, there'll be plenty of life in this show, which returned for series two last Sunday, insanely scheduled against The Night Manager and Doctor Thorne. I love this thirties tale of intrigue and manipulation in the closing years of the Raj and its gorgeously filmed(admittedly in Malaysia). I just cannot understand why it has not captured the imagination of British viewers.

Friday 18th March 2016

Tribes, Predators & Me

Sunday - BBC Two Wildlife cameraman Gordon Buchanan travels to the remotest regions on three continents to join three tribal families, learning their unique traditional survival skills and how they live alongside the world’s most

iconic and dangerous animals. In the first episode, Gordon joins a Waorani tribal family in Ecuador’s remote Amazon jungle as they hunt for anacondas, the world’s largest snakes. The Waorani are some of South

America’s greatest rainforest wildlife experts. Gordon has two weeks to learn this tribe’s ancient wildlife secrets. These people are masters of the forest and have learnt to live alongside animals we fear, such as jaguars and even huge anacondas. With their help Gordon sees mysterious Amazon river dolphins and encounters a powerful jaguar. He joins the Waorani on a dangerous peccary spear hunt and as they pursue monkeys high in the forest canopy, using blow pipes and poison darts. He sees how the women garden within the forest and how they befriend wild animals such as monkeys, parrots and even huge tapirs.

The greatest challenge for Gordon and the tribe is to catch and release a giant anaconda. This is the Amazon’s most dangerous animal, a proven man-eater, but one the Waorani believe gives them great spiritual power. But there is also a scientific reason for the capture - the Waorani are losing their land to oil exploration and they are working with a scientist to test these huge snakes for oil pollution - if only they can catch one. In the picture, Gordon Buchanan helps Daboto and her friends to wash pots while discussing the dangers of living beside the world's largest snake, the green anaconda L-R are Gaware, Mima, Gordon and Daboto.

Line Of Duty Returns This Week

Line Of Duty returns to BBC Two this week and pits AC-12 against their most dangerous adversary yet. Series three opens with the fatal shooting of a criminal suspect by an armed response unit led by Sergeant Danny Waldron (Daniel Mays). Danny and his team claim they acted in self-defence, but AC-12, led by Superintendent Ted Hastings (Adrian Dunbar), gather evidence that suggests that this was a deliberate killing. Under interview, Danny confidently rebuts all of AC-12’s accusations that he acted unlawfully, so DC Kate Fleming (Vicky McClure) is sent undercover into Danny’s team to find out more. Ingratiating herself to her new colleagues, Kate is quick to identify tensions and conflict between Danny and his team. But when Kate’s own conduct comes under

scrutiny, she finds herself sidelined from an armed drugs raid that goes very badly wrong. Writer and creator Jed Mercurio answered the questions everybody was asking at the end of the last series. Does series three continue in the tradition of series one and two? Series three continues with the Line Of Duty tradition of having a new serial storyline in each series. We introduce a brand new police officer that is under investigation for corruption, Sergeant Daniel Waldron, who is played by Danny Mays. He is a firearms officer who is involved in the shooting of a suspect in suspicious circumstances. That brings in the investigating unit from AC-12, our recurring characters, Steve Arnott (Martin Compston), Kate Fleming (Vicky McClure) and Ted Hastings (Adrian

Dunbar). Where do we find the main characters at the start of series three? A year and a half has gone by since the end of series two. In that time they’ve investigated a number of other cases, they’re more experienced and much more settled in their roles. In terms of their personal lives, things aren’t so rosy for Superintendent Hastings, who has separated from his wife, and the same goes for Kate Fleming. In contrast to that, Steve Arnott, who has had the most chequered personal life, has settled down into a relationship with another police officer. Did getting two seasons commissioned back to back have an impact on writing series three? It was incredibly exciting to be commissioned to do two further series and we’re very grateful to the fans for supporting the show and the BBC for giving us the opportunity to do more, but in terms of writing I wanted series three to stand alone in the same way the other series have. What excites you about series three? We’ve got a reputation for twists and turns and surprises and there are certainly a lot of those in store for viewers. How is Line of Duty dif-

ferent to other police shows? There are a lot of police dramas on television and I think what makes Line Of Duty distinctive is that its cops versus cops. Most police shows are about hunting and chasing criminals, whereas we have police officers in a quest to bring other police officers to justice. Also we’re a serial so can do six hours of one story. That means we can get deeper into the story and have time to establish the direction of it, which allows us to do the big surprises. Are the stakes higher in series three? The level of jeopardy is much higher. Danny Waldron is a firearms officer and carries a weapon. We see in Episode One that he is someone who will take very violent steps if he feels that’s the right thing for him to do. Why do you think Line Of Duty has been so successful? I’m excited and flattered by the success of it. It’s always hard to diagnose what makes something successful but all you can hope is that if you stay true to the characters and stay true to the style of the show, people will keep coming back. Don´t miss the first exciting episode of the new series, Thursday BBC Two.

Sport Relief 2016

Friday - BBC One The Sport Relief Weekend is kicking off with a stellar line-up of sport and entertainment stars, bringing viewers an unmissable evening of entertainment broadcast live from Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park on Friday 18 March. TV favourites including John Bishop, Gary Lineker, David Walliams, Claudia Winkleman, Davina McCall, Greg James and Alesha Dixon, will present the starstudded Friday night extravaganza featuring original sketches, special celebrity performances and highlights from this year’s challenges. After nearly 40 years off our screens, Michael Crawford will reprise his role as Frank Spencer in a special one-off Some Mothers Do ‘Ave Em in a sketch that will see hapless Frank in a number of calamitous escapades culminating in a chance meeting with cycling legend Sir Bradley Wiggins at the Lee Valley VeloPark. We will also see the return of Luther (Idris Elba) donning his infamous coat to uncover a serious case of hilarity in an unmissable sketch. The super-sleuth will

be joined by Lenny Henry, Rio Ferdinand, David Haye, Denise Lewis, Cecilia Noble, Louis Smith, Ruth Wilson and Ian Wright. Five time Olympic champion rower Sir Steve Redgrave and cricket legend and broadcaster Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff MBE will be donning their sports kit as team captains for the return of the hugely popular Clash of the Titans. Their teams will go head to head in a number of sporting challenges at Queen Elizabeth Park hosted by Dan Walker and Ore Oduba. More laughs are in store as some of the nation’s favourite comedies and sports stars will join forces in sketches. The show will also feature live music performances including the first performance of the official charity single. Powerful reminders of the serious side of Sport Relief will be shown throughout the night with moving appeal films, presented by the likes of Danny Dyer, Marvin and Rochelle Humes, showing how the money raised could help change lives both here in the UK and around the world.

Saudi Arabia Uncovered Exposure Tuesday - ITV “No country is the perfect ally, perfect partner, without any reservations whatsoever. So, you know, welcome to the real world. Welcome to the premier league.” General David Petraeus, former CIA director This new documentary in ITV's Exposure current affairs strand goes undercover to reveal the hidden reality inside one of the world's most secretive and strict Islamic regimes. Saudi Arabia is a key ally of the West, but with unprecedented access to an underground network of young activists, this film uncovers a society where opposition is beginning to find its voice. Covertly-shot footage sheds a light on largely

unseen corners of life in the Kingdom, where media access is very strictly controlled. Revealed in the footage are prisons in chaos, poverty on the streets, and religious police enforcing fundamentalism. This undercover footage is combined with personal stories of those inside the kingdom, including activists for women's rights, and exclusive new interviews from senior British and American figures, to ask if it is time to reassess our relationship with Saudi Arabia.

Friday 18th March 07:15 Heir Hunters 08:00 Countryside 999 08:45 Caught Red Handed 09:15 Sea Cities 10:15 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The Daily Politics 14:00 The Chef’s Protege 14:30 Portillo’s State Secrets 15:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 16:00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:55 Britain’s Lost Routes with Griff Rhys Jones 17:55 Terry and Mason’s Great 20:00 Sport Relief 2016 Food Trip 18:25 Bargain Gary Lineker and David Hunt 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Walliams kick off the Too Much TV biggest Sport Relief night ever live from Queen 20:00 Mary Berry’s Easter Elizabeth Olympic Park, Feast Mary shares her favourite Easter recipes packed with appearances from the best sport and 21:00 Mastermind Quiz entertainment talent in the UK. Sporting encounter 21:30 Gardeners’ World Clash of the Titans returns Monty begins to sow annual as two celebrity teams, cap- climbers and gets started on tained by cricketing hero tidying and mulching his Freddie Flintoff MBE and borders Olympic legend Sir Steve Redgrave, go head to head 22:00 Land of Hope and in five events across the Glory - British Country night. David Walliams Life Jane Treays concludes returns with his anarchic her exploration of the British Little Britain character Emily obsession with architecture, Howard alongside former gardens and landscape, spending a year alongside Peter striker England the staff of Country Life Crouch, comedian Mickey magazine Flanagan and the England women’s football team ‘The 23:00 Sport Relief 2016 Lionesses’ 23:40 Newsnight 00:10 Artsnight 00:40 The People 23:00 News 23:35 Sport v OJ Simpson: American Relief 2016 02:00 The Crime Story 01:30 Athletics: Indoor Celebrity Apprentice USA World 03:25 Weather for the Championships 2016 05:00 This is BBC Two Week Ahead 03:30 News

07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Caught Red Handed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 WPC 56 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 The TV That Made Me 17:30 Flog It 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 News 15:00 Jeremy Kyle’s Emergency Room 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale It is Laurel and Ashley’s wedding day 20:30 Coronation Street Billy and Eva go on a stake out 21:00 Best Walks with a View with Julia Bradbury Julia follows in the footsteps of Sherlock Holmes in a classic English walk on the South Downs 21:30 Coronation Street Aidan squares up to the O’Driscolls 22:00 It’ll be Alright on the Night Griff Rhys Jones serves up a selection of TV clangers, gaffes and fluffed cues, all rescued from the cutting-room floor. Featuring Shane Richie in a less-than-perfect moment as EastEnders’ Alfie Moon and the Come Dine with Me couple who almost split up 23:00 News 23:40 Benidorm 00:10 Film - For Your Eyes Only (PG) 02:25 Jackpot247 04:00 Murder, She Wrote 04:50 ITV Nightscreen

07:20 How I Met Your Mother 07:45 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Car SOS 12:00 Shipping Wars 13:00 News 13:05 Food Unwrapped 13:35 Racing: Cheltenham Festival 17:30 Three in a Bed 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 20:30 Unreported World Reporter Marcel Theroux and director Victoria Bell visit Malaysia, where the government has declared transgender people to be enemies of Islam 21:00 Grand Designs Kevin McCloud follows the progress of 37-year-old Angelo Mastropietro, as he transforms a damp, dark and abandoned cave in Worcestershire 22:00 Formula 1 A preview of the epic launch to C4’s coverage of the 2016 Formula 1 season 22:05 Gogglebox The nation’s favourite armchair critics share their opinions on what they have been watching during the week 23:05 The Last Leg 00:10 First Dates 01:15 Raised by Wolves 01:45 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 02:30 Virtually Famous 03:15 Film - Sex Drive (15)

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film Abducted: The Carlina White Story 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 The Gadget Show Jason races a remote control car against a top stunt driver 21:00 That’s So1984 A look at the year that saw the Brighton hotel bombing and Torvill and Dean win gold at the Winter Olympics 22:00 NCIS: New Orleans The team investigate the murder of a drone pilot who was looking for evidence that someone didn’t want to be discovered 22:55 NCIS The Secretary of the Navy assigns the NCIS team to a joint terrorism task force after a naval research scientist is murdered 23:55 NCIS: Los Angeles 00:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 01:15 Super Casino 04:10 90 Cats and Counting: Cat Crazies 05:00 41 Dogs in a 3-Bed Semi 05:45 House Doctor

DON´T MISS

On This Day

MARY BERRY’S EASTER FEAST Mary explores the roots of her faith through the medium of food, asking how Britain eats its way through Easter, and sharing her own favourite Easter recipes, including hot cross buns, Simnel cake and roast lamb. In this first episode, she discovers the traditions followed by diverse British families and communities during Lent and Good Friday, and the food that brings them together as each prepare for their Easter celebrations.

BBC2 21:00 But will it all go to plan? SOAPS

In Emmerdale A guilty Harriet panics as Ben the vicar is so hungover that he’s in no state to conduct Ashley and Laurel’s wedding. With Kerry suspicious, Harriet denies that she wanted to sabotage the big day. Later in the church, Harriet puts on a brave face as she prepares to marry Ashley and Laurel herself.

Meanwhile, Aaron tells Robert about Sandra finally going to the police. Robert is also suspicious of Liv asking him so many questions. When Sandra and Chas arrive back from the station, Liv sees Chas’s hostility towards Robert as she slips out. Later, Liv meets Gordon. Will she betray her brother? Elsewhere, Chrissie and Andy can’t keep their hands off each other. Also today, Rhona worries that she and Paddy will never manage to fix things.

In Coronation Street, Aidan implores Eva and Billy to wait until the O’Driscolls have paid their invoice before going in all guns blazing to save Marta. However, as Billy and Eva stake out the O’Driscolls’ house, they’re determined to rescue Marta. As Richie and Julia head off in the car, they break in. The O’Driscolls call in the

1992: South Africa votes for change. factory and increase their existing order, much to Johnny’s delight. Aidan reminds them about the outstanding invoice and Richie assures him the money has been transferred. Explaining the exhibition they were going to has been cancelled, they head home. Aidan tries desperately to get hold of Eva to warn her, but with no success. Finding a terrified Marta, Billy and Eva implore her to come with them to safety. But with the O’Driscolls returning, are they too late? Meanwhile, Jason is taken aback to discover that

Phelan stayed the night with Eileen. Phelan feeds Jason the same set of lies about Anna, making out they had an affair and that’s why she is bitter. When Kevin offers Jason some building work at the garage but makes it clear that Phelan isn’t welcome on the premises, Jason wonders if it’s because of Anna’s affair with Phelan. In the second episode, Spotting the break-in, the O’Driscolls enter their house with trepidation. They’re furious to find Billy and Eva there, about to make their escape with Marta. Billy threatens to call the police and have the O’Driscolls arrested on kidnap charges, but Richie

07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Dinner Date 08:10 Ellen DeGeneres 09:00 Emmerdale 10:00 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 10:35 Catchphrase 11:15 Dinner Date 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 14:15 You’ve Been Framed 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:40 Judge Rinder 16:40 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Film - The Break-Up (12) 00:10 Family Guy 01:10 American Dad 02:05 Two and a Half Men ITV3 07:00 Doctor in the House 07:25 Heartbeat 08:30 Where the Heart is 09:35 The Royal 10:35 Judge Judy 11:55 Noah’s Ark 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:00 Heartbeat 15:05 The Royal 16:05 Where the Heart is 17:15 Doctor in the House 17:50 In Loving Memory 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 23:00 Midsomer Murders 01:00 A Touch of Frost 02:55 Long Lost Family ITV4 07:00 Hogan’s Heroes 07:55 The Chase 08:50 The Professionals 09:55 The Sweeney10:55 Ax Men 11:50 The Chase 12:50 The Professionals 13:55 Pawn Stars 14:50 The Car Chasers 15:50 Hogan’s Heroes 16:55 The Sweeney 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 The Car Chasers 20:00 Pawn Stars 20:30 FA Youth Cup Live: Blackburn Rovers v Chelsea 23:00 Film - Die Another Day (12) 01:40 Film - Quadrophenia (18)

07:00 Peter Hurst, 10:00 Trev Massey, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Gordon Lack 19:00 Andy James grabs the phone and shoves Eva up against a wall. Aidan suddenly arrives and comes to Eva’s rescue by punching Richie. Desperate to save his own skin, Richie suggests they leave the police out of it and offers to pay for Marta’s return to Poland. With his business under threat, will Aidan be bought?

Saturday 19th March

6 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 James Martin: Home Comforts 13:00 News 13:10 Football Focus 13:50 Saturday Sportsday 14:00 Athletics: World Indoor Championships 2016 15:00 Six Nations: Wales v Italy 17:30 Final Score 18:15 Dynamo: Magician Impossible 18:45 Celebrity Mastermind 19:15 News

07:00 Bottom Knocker Street 07:25 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 07:45 Share a Story 07:50 Sooty 08:05 Super 4 08:15 Looped 08:30 Scrambled 08:35 Mr Bean 08:50 Horrid Henry 09:10 Nerds and Monsters 09:30 Jessie 10:05 Tom and Jerry 10:25 Murder, She Wrote 12:20 Jeremy Kyle 13:25 News 13:30 Big Box Little Box 14:00 Judge Rinder 15:00 The Chase 16:00 Tipping 20:00 Celebrity Antiques 19:30 Pointless Alexander Road Trip John Craven Point 17:00 News 17:30 6 Armstrong and Richard and Johnny Ball join the Nations Live - Ireland v Scotland Osman present a special road trip celebrity comedy edition of 20:10 Ant and Dec’s the general knowledge quiz 21:00 Perry and Croft: Saturday Night Takeaway in which four teams try to Made in Britain Looking at Hugh Jackman is guest come up with the answers how the comedies of Jimmy announcer, Taron Egerton that no-one else could think and David became a unique chronicle of Britain 21:40 You’re Back in the of Room Phillip and Keith Army Barry Dad’s challenge five 20:20 Six Nations: France 21:30 v England John Inverdale Mainwaring lets Frazer take strangers to team up for more seemingly simple presents live coverage of over challenges the final fixture of the 2016 22:00 Michael Jackson’s Six Nations as France host Journey From Motown to 22:40 The Jonathan Ross England at the Stade de Off the Wall Documentary Show With guests Hugh France charting the path of the Jackman, Taron Egerton, Shazia Mirza, and Luke King of Pop’s career 23:00 The National Lottery Evans Live 23:10 News 23:30 23:30 Pop Goes BBC Two Match of the Day 00:50 01:00 Athletics: World 23:45 News 00:00 Film Film - The Uninvited (15) Indoor Championships Yes Man (12) 02:00 02:15 Film - Wake Wood 2016 04:00 Messiah at the Jackpot247 04:00 Murder, (18) 03:40 Weather for the Foundling Hospital 05:00 A She Wrote 04:50 ITV Nightscreen Cabbie Abroad Week Ahead 03:45 News

07:35 Film - The Big Sky (U) 09:35 Film - Forbidden Planet (U) 11:10 Homes Under the Hammer 12:10 Natural World 13:00 Rick Stein From Venice to Istanbul 14:00 The Best Dishes Ever 14:30 Escape to the Country 15:20 Film The Red Shoes (U) 17:30 Flog It 18:30 Big Dreams 19:30 Spaces Small Gardeners’ World

07:15 How I Met Your Mother 07:40 King of Queens 08:30 Mobil 1 The Grid 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 The Morning Line 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 The Superhumans Show 12:30 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD 13:30 Formula 1: Australian Grand Prix Qualifying Highlights 15:15 Racing: Uttoxeter and Kempton Park 17:30 Come Dine with Me 19:30 News 19:45 The World’s Weirdest Weather The World’s Weirdest Weather explores weather that creates a strange symphony 20:40 Film - The Day After Tomorrow (12) Jack Hall, paleoclimatologist, must make a daring trek across America to reach his son, trapped in the cross-hairs of a sudden international storm which plunges the planet into a new Ice Age 23:00 Film - Kick-Ass 2 (15) 01:05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 02:00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 04:10 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free 05:05 Location, Location, Location

07:00 Milkshake 09:55 The Fairly Odd Parents 10:30 The Saturday Show Live 12:40 Fail Army 13:10 The Gadget Show 14:10 Police Interceptors 15:05 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away 19:00 News 19:05 NCIS: Los Angeles 20:00 NCIS: New Orleans The team are joined by an Australian agent who ruffles a few feathers when she tries to call the shots 21:00 NCIS During a joint Coast Guard and NCIS training exercise at sea, Gibbs and CGIS Agent Borin spot a deceased man overboard, who is discovered to be a missing crew member from a ship 60 nautical miles away

13:30 The Almost Impossible Gameshow 14:25 Scorpion 15:25 You’ve Been Framed 16:30 Film - Legally Blonde (12) 18:25 Film Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (12) 20:40 Film The Mummy (12) 23:00 Celebrity Juice Live 00:00 Family Guy ITV3 12:35 Sherlock Holmes 14:55 A Touch of Frost 16:55 Film - Sparkling Cyanide (PG) 19:00 Midsomer Murders23:00 A Touch of Frost 01:10 Blue Murder ITV4

22:00 The Championship Extended highlights of games including Derby County vs Nottingham Forest and Burnley vs Wolverhampton Wanderers

13:40 Pawn Stars 14:05 Storage Wars 15:30 Storage Wars Texas 16:30 Film - Gunsmoke (15) 18:10 Film - The Appaloosa (15) 20:15 Film - Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (PG) 22:00 An Audience with Billy Connolly 23:05 Film Magnum Force (18)

23:00 Goal Rush 23:30 NCIS 01:10 Super Casino 04:10 Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 05:40 Divine Designs

09:00 The Weekend Mix, 12:00 Suzy G, 15:00 Keith Nicol

21:55 News National and international news

Sunday 20th March 07:00 This is BBC Two 07:15 An Island Parish 08:15 This Farming Life 09:15 Gardeners’ World 09:45 Countryfile 10:45 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:15 The Best Dishes Ever 13:15 MOTD2 Extra 14:00 Homes Under the Hammer 15:00 Heir Hunters 16:00 Athletics: Indoor World Championships 2016 18:00 Flog It 18:30 The Secret History of My Family 19:30 Perry and Croft: Made in 19:45 Countryfile Matt Britain Baker and Ellie Harrison are in Sussex exploring 20:00 Gareth Malone’s Ashdown Forest, the inspi- Great Choir Reunion To ration for the Hundred Acre mark the 10th anniversary Wood in AA Milne’s Winnie- Gareth tracks down memthe-Pooh stories bers from all his choirs for one huge reunion party 20:45 The Voice UK Emma Willis and Marvin Humes 21:00 World’s Weirdest present the second of the Events Series exploring knockout rounds the unexplained, the unexpected and the unidentifi22:00 The Night Manager able A suspicious Roper gathers his entourage around him in 22:00 Tribes, Predators an attempt to root out the and Me Gordon Buchanan traitor, forcing Pine to play a joins a tribal family as they search for giant anacondas dangerous game

07:00 Breakfast 08:40 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:15 The Sport Relief Games Show 2016 16:15 A Question of Sport 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Lifeline 17:40 Songs of Praise 18:15 Sport Relief 2016: The Best Bits 19:15 News

07:00 Bottom Knocker Street 07:25 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 07:45 Share a Story 07:50 Sooty 08:05 Super 4 08:15 Looped 08:30 Scrambled 08:35 Mr Bean 08:50 Horrid Henry 09:10 Nerds and Monsters 09:30 Bear Grylls Survival School 10:05 Tom and Jerry 10:25 News 10:30 Murder, She Wrote 12:25 Jeremy Kyle 13:25 News 13:35 Jeremy Kyle 14:40 River Monsters 15:40 Big Star’s Little Star 16:40 Off Their Rockers 17:10 Film - Octopussy (PG) 19:35 News

07:10 How I Met Your Mother 08:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:50 Frasier 10:10 The Big Bang Theory 11:30 Sunday Brunch 14:30 Formula 1: Australian Grand Prix Highlights 17:00 Film Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (PG) 19:00 Heston’s Dinner in Space 20:30 News

21:00 Great Canal Journeys Timothy and Prunella embark on more waterway adventures. This time, they head into uncharted waters to 20:00 Beowulf: Return to attempt one of the longest the Shieldlands The future canal journeys in the world of the Shieldlands rests in - 350 miles coast to coast across Sweden Rheda’s hands

22:00 Indian Summers Aafrin’s wounded comrade Naresh is convinced someone has betrayed him, but as Aafrin struggles to con22:00 Doctor Thorne tain him, he discovers the While Frank and Mary plan truth is darker and more their upcoming nuptials, dangerous than he knew Lady Arabella determines not to give up without a fight 23:00 Gogglebox 00:00 Film - The Taking of 23:05 News23:20 6 Pelham 1 2 3 (15) 02:00 Bodies 23:00 News 23:30 Match of 23:00 Thirteen 00:00 The Nations Highlights 00:20 Embarrassing Highlights01:15 02:50 Come Dine with Me the Day 2 00:55 Athletics People v OJ Simpson: Rugby 02:25 Weather for the American Crime Story Jackpot247 04:00 ITV 05:10 Selling Houses with Nightscreen Amanda Lamb 00:50 Line of Duty Week Ahead 02:30 News 21:00 The Story of Cats This episode looks at the wild cats that break all the feline rules

07:00 Milkshake 10:55 The Fairly Odd Parents 11:30 The Championship 12:30 Goal Rush 13:00 Chinese Food in Minutes 13:15 Film - Madeline (U) 15:00 Film - Justin and the Knights of Valour (PG) 17:00 Film - A Cinderella Story (PG) 19:00 Cats Make You Laugh Out Loud

13:20 Take Me Out 14:30 Film - The Incredible Hulk (12) 16:40 Film - Nim’s Island (U) 18:45 Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 20:15 Film - Liar Liar (12) 22:00 Ibiza Weekender 23:00 Family Guy 23:30 Bordertown 00:00 Family Guy ITV3

20:00 Now That’s Funny Family-friendly clip show featuring hilarious usergenerated video content from around the world 20:55 News National and international news 21:00 Penn and Teller: Fool Us in Vegas The duo try to crack the secret behind four more magic acts 22:00 Film - Tower Block (15) A year after they witnessed a murder, the inhabitants of Tower Block 31 are terrorised by a mysterious sniper 23:45 Film - Harry Brown Tattoo 01:35 (18) Disasters UK 02:00 Super Police 04:10 Casino Interceptors 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Wildlife SOS 05:50 The Great Artists

13:35 Film - Sparkling Cyanide (PG) 15:40 Inspector Morse 17:55 Midsomer Murders 19:55 Midsomer Murders 22:00 Carry On Forever 23:00 Wycliffe 00:05 Film Private Benjamin (15) ITV4 13:30 Pawn Stars 13:55 Film - The Appaloosa (15) 16:00 Table Tennis: National Championship Live 19:00 Storage Wars 20:00 The Classic Car Show 21:00 Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership 22:00 Film US Marshals (15) 00:40 Film - Child’s Play 3 (18)

09:00 The Weekend Mix, 12:00 Suzy G, 15:00 Tony De Love

Monday 21st March

8 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Caught Red Handed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Think Tank 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 The TV That Made Me 17:30 Flog It 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Fake Britain This episode looks at the faux fur that’s actually real animal fur - and the high street chains that have been selling it 21:00 EastEnders Stacey returns to the Square for a day visit, but will all go to plan? 21:30 Panorama Reporter Datshiane Navanayagam joins some of those struggling this winter and asks why thousands still die each year simply because their homes are too cold

07:00 Heir Hunters 07:45 Show Me the Monet 08:30 Caught Red Handed 09:00 Emergency Rescue Down Under 09:30 Gardeners’ World 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:20 Athletics: World Indoor Championships 2016 15:20 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:15 Britain’s Lost Routes with Griff Rhys Jones 17:15 The Best Dishes Ever 17:45 Terry and Mason’s Great Food Trip 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Too Much TV 20:00 This Farming Life Martin tends to 500 pregnant ewes and gets the birthing sheds ready with help from his dad Stevie 21:00 University Challenge Quiz 21:30 An Island Parish The documentary chronicling life in remote communities returns

22:00 New Tricks Standing and McAndrew travel to Glasgow, where a new UCOS section is being established

22:00 The People v OJ Simpson: American Crime Story The increased TV coverage of the case intensifies pressure on all concerned

23:00 News 23:45 Cuckoo 00:15 Have I Got Old News for You 00:45 Live at the Apollo 01:30 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:35 News

22:50 QI XL 23:30 Newsnight 00:15 Kipling’s Indian Adventure 01:15 Question Time 02:15 The Celebrity Apprentice USA 03:40 David Gilmour 04:50 A Cabbie Abroad

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale The guests await the bride and groom at the reception 20:30 Coronation Street Sarah and Todd are reminded of their past

07:20 How I Met Your Mother 07:45 The Goldbergs 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Car SOS 12:00 Shipping Wars 12:30 Shipping Wars 13:00 News 13:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A New Life in the Sun 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News

21:00 Further Tales from Northumberland with Robson Green Robson is travelling through the countryside closest to England’s border with Scotland

21:00 Dispatches Harry Wallop lifts the lid on what has been happening to Cadbury since their takeover by Kraft six years ago,

21:30 Coronation Street Money is too tight to mention for Tyrone

21:30 The Food Chain This new food series follows the journeys made by Britain’s best-loved foods

22:00 Davina Mccall: Life at the Extreme Davina travels to the Costa Rican jungle, which is one of the wettest and most humid places on earth, but is a habitat in which animals thrive and is home to around 500,000 species and learns about the ways in which creatures have adapted to the conditions 23:00 News 23:45 The Agenda 00:25 The Jonathan Ross Show 01:20 Jackpot247 04:00 Jeremy Kyle 04:55 ITV Nightscreen

22:00 Royal Navy School The Cornwell recruits reach the final week of their gruelling training 23:00 Fresh Meat 23:50 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 00:50 24 Hours in A and E 01:50 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 02:45 Undercover Boss USA 03:35 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free 04:30 Location, Location, Location 05:25 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 Fail Army 12:40 News 12:45 Home and Away Special 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: New Orleans 16:15 Film - The Boy Next Door (15) 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 Weather Terror A British backpacker recalls being caught in the eye of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans in 2005 and former British soldier Dom thought his number was up when, as he crossed the Atlantic in a small boat 21:00 Police Interceptors Damo and the firearms team tackle a supermarket gunman, while Gareth faces a death-defying pursuit along roads, pavements and back allies 22:00 The Tube: Going U n d e r g r o u n d Documentary series following the work of the staff who keep London’s underground train service running smoothly 23:00 Gotham 23:55 Person of Interest 01:45 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:10 Super Casino 04:10 Benefits by the Sea: Jaywick 05:00 Nick’s Quest 05:25 Divine Designs 05:45 House Doctor

DON´T MISS

ROYAL NAVY SCHOOL

The recruits reach the final week of their gruelling training, but it’s not plain sailing all the way to their passing out parade as a sudden illness jeopardises everything. Hill is also worrying about who will come

07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Dinner Date 08:10 Ellen DeGeneres 09:00 Emmerdale 09:30 Coronation Street 10:35 Catchphrase 11:15 Dinner Date 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:35 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Family Guy 22:30 Bordertown 23:00 Family Guy 23:30 American Dad 00:30 The Cleveland Show 01:25 Film - The Fast and the Furious (15) ITV3 07:00 Movies Now 07:10 Doctor in the House 07:35 Heartbeat 08:35 Where the Heart is 09:40 The Royal 10:40 Judge Judy 12:00 Noah’s Ark 13:05 Murder, She Wrote 14:10 Heartbeat 15:10 The Royal 16:15 Where the Heart is 17:20 Doctor in the House 17:55 In Loving Memory 18:25 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Lewis 23:00 A Touch of Frost 01:05 Noah’s Ark 02:05 Where the Heart is ITV4 07:00 Hogan’s Heroes 07:50 The Chase 08:50 The Professionals 09:50 The Sweeney 10:50 Ax Men 11:50 The Chase 12:50 The Professionals 13:55 Storage Wars 14:25 Pawn Stars 14:55 The Car Chasers 15:55 Hogan’s Heroes 17:00 The Sweeney 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Storage Wars Texas 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 Motogp Highlights 22:00 Film Coogan’s Bluff (15) 00:05 Bundesliga 01:05Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership

to the parade following a family disagree07:00 Peter Hurst, 10:00 Trev Massey, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Gordon Lack 19:00 Andy James

ment, while Penney makes a silly mistake and has to fight for his career on the

CHANNEL 4 22:00

SOAPS

In Emmerdale, Laurel and Ashley’s wedding reception is in full swing at The Woolpack, but the bride and groom are absent.

last day of training. Last in the series.

cover that a skint Joanie has landed herself a new job at the factory. Lisa confronts Joanie, who insists that she has little choice because of Kyle. Later, Belle is shocked when Lisa suggests that she may sell the house so Zak and Joanie can be out of their way once and for all.

who has been shopping for the new baby. Sarah gets emotional as she is moved by the reminder of their past, so Todd steers her into the flower shop. As Todd talks fondly of their late son Billy, Sarah suddenly has a contraction and panics that she is five weeks off her due date.

In Coronation Street, Todd bumps into Sarah,

Leaving her with a reluctant Tracy, Todd charges off to fetch help. As Sarah’s contractions intensify she’s relieved when the ambulance arrives, alongside Todd with David. As she is wheeled into the maternity unit, a terrified Sarah fears there’s something serious-

Everyone discusses where Laurel and Ashley are, but Sandy thinks they should just let them be. Meanwhile, Belle and Lisa are furious when they dis-

ly wrong. Meanwhile, Anna is outraged when Todd voices distaste at her ‘affair’ with Phelan.

notice the missed calls on her mobile. Suddenly seeing her messages, Kylie races to the hospital as Audrey, Gail and Nick finally arrive too.

In the second episode, David and Todd beg Sarah not to fret as she is taken into the delivery suite. David holds Sarah’s hand as she struggles in labour. When the consultant advises that a Caesarean is required for the baby’s sake, Sarah refuses outright as she is reminded of Billy.

As the drama continues, Todd tackles a distressed Sarah and implores her to do what’s best for her baby. His words get through and she consents to the C-section. As Sarah comes to with Gail by her side, the midwife presents her newborn son. A troubled Sarah seeks reassurance that he’s okay.

At the same time, Kylie is helping Freddie sort through his wife’s clothes for charity and so fails to

In Eastenders, Stacey is back in the Square for her day visit, but things take a turn when she bumps into

Kyle. Later, Denise oversees Kush snap at his mum and gives him a reality check Arthur deserves to grow up knowing who his father is. Will Kush take her words on board? Meanwhile, Abi throws a party at The Vic for Ben’s birthday. When an anxious Kathy gives Ben his presents, will they go down well?

Tuesday 22nd March 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Caught Red Handed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Think Tank 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 The TV That Made Me 17:30 Flog It 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders Kyle and Stacey talk about the past 21:00 Holby City When Austin is admitted to AAU, an overwhelmed Morven pushes Arthur away 22:00 The A Word The various generations of the Hughes family, who all love, work and fight like any other clan, find they must learn to communicate all over again when the youngest member is diagnosed with autism. The opening episode of the drama sees the extended family reunite in the Lake District for Joe’s fifth birthday party, but tensions soon rise among Alison, Paul and patriarch Maurice 23:00 News 23:45 The Battle for Christianity 00:45 Shop Well for Less 01:45 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:50 News

07:00 Show Me the Monet 07:45 Talking Pictures 08:30 Caught Red Handed 09:00 Emergency Rescue Down Under 09:30 Great British Railway Journeys 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:05 The Super League Show 14:50 Portillo’s State Secrets 15:20 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:15 Rivers with Griff Rhys Jones 17:15 The Best Dishes Ever 17:45 Terry and Mason’s Great Food Trip 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Too Much TV 20:00 This Farming Life John is expecting more than 6,000 new lambs, so hires in extra staff 21:00 Mary Berry’s Easter Feast Mary discovers how the Greek Orthodox community break the Lenten fast with tsoureki bread 22:00 Inside Obama’s White House Episode two tells the story of Obama’s greatest legacy: healthcare 23:00 Scrappers 23:30 Newsnight 00:15 Horizon 01:15 Back in Time for the Weekend 02:15 Cats v Dogs: Which is Best? 03:15 Ted Hughes: Stronger Than Death 04:45 Schama on Rembrandt: Masterpieces of the Late Years 05:45 Rubens: An Extra Large Story

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale Ashley asks for help 20:30 The Inspectors are Coming Lorraine and Adam clamp down on Dumfries’ number one complaint - dog fouling. Meanwhile in Newham, Terry and John catch a couple getting hot and steamy in a public car park 21:00 It’s Not Rocket Science In the final programme of the series, bike lover Rachel Riley rides a cycle unlike any other sixty foot up in the air across a steel cable 22:00 Speeding Wars Police in Essex try to stop the extreme speeders who race at more than 100mph on public roads at Lakeside, going under cover in Operation Wagtail 23:00 News 23:40 Saudi Arabia Uncovered Exposure 00:45 Davina Mccall: Life at the Extreme 01:35 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:50 ITV Nightscreen

9 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The Goldbergs 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Car SOS 12:00 Shipping Wars 13:00 News 13:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A New Life in the Sun 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 21:00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners Lauren, who spends more than three hours cleaning every evening, tries to help Sarah who has over 10 years’ worth of unused toys, clothes and clutter in her home 22:00 One Born Every Minute Nineteen years after becoming the first triplet to be delivered at Liverpool Women’s Hospital, Kirsty has returned to have a baby of her own 23:00 First Dates 00:05 Million Pound Jewellers 01:10 Poker Stars and Monte-Carlo Casino Ept Grand Final 02:05 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:30 Gillette World Sport 03:00 Mobil 1 The Grid 03:30 The Superhumans Show 04:00 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free 04:55 Location, Location, Location

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film The Wrong Woman (15) 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 Police Interceptors Damo and the firearms team tackle a supermarket gunman, while Gareth faces a death-defying pursuit along roads, pavements and back allies 21:00 Britain’s Horror Homes A couple talk about their ongoing war with Japanese knotweed, a plant so strong it has been known to rip drains apart and even foundations 22:00 Benefits by the Sea: Jaywick Gaz and his sister-in-law to be Chantelle try to support each other as they battle their own addictions 23:00 The Best of Bad TV 00:00 Penn and Teller: Fool Us in Vegas 00:55 Gypsies on Benefits and Proud 01:50 Tattoo Disasters UK 02:15 Super Casino 04:10 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 05:00 Nick’s Quest 05:25 Divine Designs 05:50 House Doctor

DON´T MISS

THE A WORD

BBC1 22:00

SOAPS

In Emmerdale, Paddy and Rhona are both pleased to be making some progress as they agree to meet for lunch. Paddy suggests they should go away to Paris for the weekend, but the moment is ruined when Pierce turns up and asks if Tess was having an affair before she died. It turns out that Pierce has

The various generations of the Hughes family, who all love, work and fight like any other clan, find they must learn to communicate all over again when the youngest member is diagnosed with autism. The opening episode of the drama sees the extended family reunite in the Lake District for Joe’s fifth birthday party, but tensions soon rise among Alison, Paul and patriarch Maurice. Starring Morven Christie, Lee Ingleby and Christopher Eccleston.

found Tess’s second phone and has come to Paddy and Rhona for answers, knowing they were friends with Tess. Paddy is horrified when Rhona agrees to talk with him about it tomorrow.

house is a good move. Also today, Charity gets Ross on side to help her with something.

Meanwhile, Charity demands to see the business accounts for the haulage firm, but Jimmy is hopeful when a pleased Nicola tells him that she’s made a fake set for her. But will Charity figure this out? Elsewhere, Lisa reassures Belle that they’ll find somewhere else to live, while Joanie also tries to convince Zak that selling the

In Eastenders, Stacey gives Kyle the chance to explain everything, so he opens up about his past. Stacey struggles to come to terms with everything,

07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Dinner Date 08:10 Ellen DeGeneres 09:00 Emmerdale 09:30 Coronation Street 10:35 Catchphrase 11:15 Dinner Date 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:35 Jeremy Kyle 16:40 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Film - The Break-Up (12) 00:10 Family Guy 01:10 American Dad 02:05 Two and a Half Men 02:30 Celebrity Juice Live 03:30 Teleshopping ITV3 07:00 Movies Now 07:10 Doctor in the House 07:35 Heartbeat 08:35 Where the Heart is 09:40 The Royal 10:40 Judge Judy 12:00 Noah’s Ark 13:05 Murder, She Wrote 14:05 Heartbeat 15:05 The Royal 16:05 Where the Heart is 17:20 Doctor in the House 17:50 In Loving Memory 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 A Touch of Frost 01:05 Noah’s Ark 02:05 Where the Heart is 03:00 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping ITV4 07:00 Hogan’s Heroes 08:05 The Chase 09:05 The Professionals 10:05 The Sweeney 11:10 Ax Men 12:10 The Chase 13:15 Pawn Stars 13:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 18:15 Storage Wars 18:40 Motogp Highlights 19:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 00:15 Film - Tin Cup (15) 02:55 The Sweeney 03:55 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping

07:00 Peter Hurst, 10:00 Trev Massey, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Gordon Lack but soon connects with her brother and they have a heart-to-heart.

Shirley begs her to stay and tries to make excuses for Mick’s bad attitude.

Meanwhile, a life-changing birthday present leaves her reeling.

With their bond strengthening, Kyle admits that he has nowhere to live and Stacey offers him the spare room at her place.

Elsewhere, Ben’s party goes downhill when a drunken Phil arrives and is shunned by Ben. Later, Ben confides in Paul about the pressure he feels when they get some time alone, but Paul pulls away when Ben tries to kiss him.

When Mo and Sir Dennis clash over a patient, she wonders if she’s paranoid or if Sir Dennis is out to get her.

Meanwhile, Mick confides in Shirley and reveals they won’t know if Ollie has sustained any damage until it’s obvious in his behaviour. Shirley is still adamant that he shouldn’t be blaming Nancy, but Mick continues to give his daughter the cold shoulder. Later, Nancy appears with a hold-all and tells Shirley that she’s going to stay with Johnny in Italy.

Also today, Billy finds himself lumbered with Phil, while the spark continues to grow between Jay and Linzi. In Holby City, When Austin is admitted to AAU, an overwhelmed Morven pushes Arthur away.

Seeing missed calls from Jess, Ric stops at nothing to get in touch with his daughter.

CODE CRACKER

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD

Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 15 represents G and 25 represents W, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES

QUICKIE

Across 1 Somewhat influenced with dread if one gets married (4) 3 Formal agreement with shrink (8) 9 Professional examination objection (7) 10 Carpenter’s tool seen in interplanetary space (5) 11 Say! It’s time for Herb (5) 12 A woman from New York is out of the country (6) 14 Lets us create a scuffle (6) 16 Country view missing gold (6) 19 Take a chance on a doctor getting caught in a strong wind (6) old Egg-shaped 21 empty space (5) 24 French and Germans agree to create advisory board (5) 25 An opening of rice I made (7) 26 Mix two gins for a stir in America (4,4) 27 Bug in magnate’s programme (4) STANDARD CLUES

Across 1 Damp (5) 4 Centre (5) 7 Terrifying dream (9) 8 Unwell (4) 10 Pugilist (5) 12 Stately court dance (6) 13 Remnant (4) 16 Come to an end (9) 18 Mountainous (5) 19 Indications (5)

Down 1 Negative amount (5) 2 Pub (3) 3 Roman garment (4) 4 Sheep meat (6) 5 Vernacular (7) 6 Digits of the foot (4) 9 Be in charge of (7) 11 Confirm (6) 12 Competition (5) 14 Foundation (5) 15 Lowest singing voice (4) 17 Bird product (3)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Cages, 4 Facts, 6 Era, 7 Prove, 8 Stiff, 10 Kit, 12 Aunt, 14 Oars, 15 Award, 16 Slap, 18 Date, 20 Gym, 22 Snail, 23 Edges, 24 Use, 25 Dense, 26 Throw. Down: 2 Grown, 3 Seek, 4 Fast, 5 China, 7 Praises, 9 Fastens, 11 Italy, 13 Tap, 14 Odd, 17 Again, 19 Anger, 20 Glue, 21 Meet.

Scribble Pad

Across 1 Reverential (4) 3 Agreement (8) 9 Complaint (7) 10 Flat surface (5) 11 Aromatic plant (5) 12 Overseas (6) 14 Brawl (6) 16 Central American country (6) 19 Put money on (6) 21 Elliptical (5) 24 Spirit board (5) 25 Opening (7) 26 New York prison (4,4) 27 Midge (4)

Down 1 A party leader has little desire for food (8) 2 One last scrawny tree (5) 4 Prohibit a desperado (6) 5 Get thinner and lighter (5) 6 A monk accommodating graduate in a state (7) 7 Supporters of course need hot drinks for the audience (4) Royal Cancel 8 Engineer’s ding-dong (6) 13 The dirtiest bidet was broken (8) 15 The marine creature is alone, sadly (3-4) 17 Fuss over Northern handsome Ireland’s youth (6) 18 Grumble about Ben catching a flightless bird (6) 20 Have the effrontery to make money (5) 22 It brings tears to your eyes on no one’s return (5) 23 Sticks the first pieces of roughcast on damp surface (4) Down 1 Hunger (8) 2 Jet black (5) 4 Forbid (6) 5 Get thinner (5) 6 US state (7) 7 Golf items (4) 8 Revoke (6) 13 Most lewd (8) 15 Marine mammal (3-4) 17 Handsome young man (6) 18 Lament (6) 20 Impudent aggressiveness (5) 22 Edible bulb (5) 23 Poles (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Incise, 4 Nicks, 8 Cures, 9 Rostrum, 10 Macrame, 11 Zone, 12 Lag, 14 Keen, 15 Away, 18 Sag, 21 Aura, 23 Red hair, 25 Nervous, 26 Nasty, 27 Harem, 28 Labour. Down: 1 Income, 2 Coracle, 3 Sustains, 4 Nest, 5 Cargo, 6 Summer, 7 Gruel, 13 Gardenia, 16 Alassio, 17 Launch, 19 Grass, 20 Prayer, 22 Rarer, 24 Loom.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words Am As Do Ma Me So We 3 letter words Doe Dud Ion Not Par Pud Red Roe Roy Saw

Sir Son 4 letter words Airs Anis Dirt Para Shaw 5 letter words Abeam Abhor Amass Balsa Basic Dinar Dolly Erase Metre Mores

Ounce Saint Scrim Snood Spasm Stare Steno Water 6 letter words Leaned Sonata 7 letter words Dongles Outgrow 8 letter words Creditor Earldoms

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Celoso (7) 5 Pasos (5) 8 Barn (7) 9 Pearl (5) 10 Income (5) 11 Witness (7) 12 Arquero (6) 14 Deportes (6) 17 Albaricoque (7) 19 Ensalada (5) 22 Sheep (5) 23 Cuellos (7) (indicando Arriba 24 situación) (5) 25 Duchas (7) Down 1 To play (5)

2 Otra vez (5) 3 Manejar (máquina) (7) 4 Liso (terreno, superficie) (6) 5 Toads (5) 6 Más temprano (7) 7 Estaciones (partes del año) (7) 12 Poppy (7) 13 Postman (7) 15 Aisle (aeroplane, theatre) (7) 16 Palos (de poco grosor) (6) 18 Lesson (5) 20 Dejar (5) 21 Escritorios (muebles) (5)

11 Across 7 What is the name of the king of the fairies in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream? (6) 8 What name is given to the upper surface of the mouth that separates the oral and nasal cavities? (6) 10 Which plant of the buttercup family typically has brightly coloured flowers and deeply divided leaves? (7) 11 What is the rearmost part of a ship known as? (5) 12 What is the coloured portion of the eye called? (4) 13 What name is given to a conduit for carrying off drainage water and waste matter? (5) 17 What word means ‘to be persistently and disturbingly present, especially in someone’s mind’? (5) 18 What is the first name of the actress who starred as Rose DeWitt Bukater in the 1997 film Titanic? (4) 22 Which US male vocal group’s hits include Back Stabbers and Love Train? (5) 23 Which 80s pop star’s real name is Stuart Goddard? (4,3) 24 Which form of punch is made of sweetened milk or cream mixed with eggs and usually alcoholic liquor? (3,3) 25 What name is given to forms of words used as magical charms or incantations? (6)

Quiz Word

Down 1 What was Admiral Nelson first name? (7) 2 Which is the first book of the Old Testament? (7)

3 What is another name for an automaton? (5) 4 According to Irish legend, which female spirit’s wailing warns of a death in a house? (7) 5 In Greek mythology where was the abode of the spirits of the dead? (5) 6 The powdered leaves of which tropical shrub is used as a dye to colour the hair and decorate the body? (5) 9 What name is given to a plant lasting for three seasons or more? (9) 14 What is the name of the bass woodwind instrument of the oboe family, with a doubled-back tube over four feet long, played with a double reed? (7) 15 What name is given to a simple story used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson, as told by Jesus in the Gospels? (7) 16 What was the Roman name for the Isle of Wight? (6) 19 In golf, what name is given to a score of one stroke over par at a hole? (5) 20 Which ballroom dance that originated in Buenos Aires, is characterised by marked rhythms and postures and abrupt pauses? (5) 21 What was the stage name of Adolph Arthur Marx? (5)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

SUDOKU (Easy)

ANIMALES-ANIMALS Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

Kidz Corner TRUE OR FALSE?

1. An emu cannot fly? 2. A Dowager is the widow of a peer or a baronet? 3. Julie Andrews was the original Eliza Doolittle in My Fair lady? 4. Fleas are bloodsuckers? 5. Wyoming is on the Canadian border of the USA? 6. Two is a Prime number? 7. Quaker is another name for a Mormon? 8. Top Eastenders totty Wendy Richard is the cousin of top religious singing superstar Cliff Richard? 9. Silly mid on is a fielding position in cricket? 10. Spartacus was a great Roman general? 11. Edinburgh is further East than Carlisle? 12. Kangaroos are only an inch long at birth? 13. Warner Brothers originally wanted Ronald Reagan to play the part of Rick Blaine in Casablanca? ANSWERS 1. True 2. True 3. True 4. True 5. False 6. True 7. False 8. False 9. True 10. False 11. False 12. True 13. True

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 John Bull, 5 Closed, 10 Layer, 11 Digitalis, 12 Porcupine, 13 Rodeo, 14 Harare, 15 Silicon, 18 Aileron, 20 Behind, 22 Dacha, 24 Serengeti, 25 Isinglass, 26 Ibsen, 27 Kismet, 28 Hanger-on. Down: 1 Jalopy, 2 Heyerdahl, 3 Bermuda Triangle, 4 Luddite, 6 Lateral thinking, 7 Salad, 8 Discount, 9 Aglets, 16 Confessor, 17 Baldrick, 19 Nassau, 20 Barista, 21 Finnan, 23 Chips.

OS OHV P B CA A A L CT K L K E A E OGQNHOI L OA UT CRRE HOE CDE E RA CA RRGV L E L A RB OT A L OE F OI T K L RE RNUG RGCRNNT OA A CE RGX OA RA A ORK B CZ CRA W OOT F B A RX A UNOT A R Z V E A J A Z UDCONE J O A L GA T OL Y B E V Y L Y X E UP DK NE L J I L X L I G CA NGRE J OOE T F B J U Z B N C ML OC A R A C I QY OE HZ UP P T P Y OHZ NA S V P V RT A P P QT GF A C

BALLENA

LIEBRE

BORREGO

OSO

CABALLO

PAJARO

CANGREJO

PERRO

CARACOL

PEZ

CERDO

RATA

CONEJO

RATON

CUCARACHA

TIBURON

DELFIN

TIGRE

ELEFANTE

TORTUGA

GATO

VACA

LEON

ZORRO

Empareja estas palabras - Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

gato, perro, caballo, raton, rata, cucaracha, leon, tigre, elefante,

Soduko

a. bird b. lion c. cat d. elephant e. cockroach f. dog g. horse i. rat j. tortoise

10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18.

pajaro, tortuga, conejo, vaca, borrego, cerdo, cangrejo, caracol, oso,

Span - Eng

k. mouse l. tiger m. crab n. bear o. rabbit p. snail q. fox r. cow s. whale

Quizword

19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24.

tiburon, delfin, ballena, pez, liebre, zorro.

t. sheep u. hare v. fish w. pig x. shark z. dolphin

Answers: 1c, 2f, 3g, 4k, 5i, 6e, 7b, 8l, 9d, 10a, 11j, 12o, 13r, 14t, 15w, 16m, 17p, 18n, 19x, 20z, 21s, 22v, 23u, 24q

Word Search

Wednesday 23rd March

07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Caught Red Handed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Think Tank 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 The TV That Made Me 17:30 Flog It 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 MasterChef A new series of the cookery competition begins as John Torode and Gregg Wallace return to the judging table on the hunt for the twelfth MasterChef champion 22:00 Inside Europe’s Terror Attacks From highly organised cells like the one that killed 130 people in Paris, to lone attackers within our own communities, Panorama reveals how the so-called Islamic State’s terror network has been operating secretly in Europe, and Western intelligence agencies’ battle to stop it 23:00 News 23:45 A Question of Sport 00:15 Would I Lie to You? 00:45 Film - Wedding Daze (15) 02:15 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:20 News

07:00 Show Me the Monet 07:45 Talking Pictures 08:30 Caught Red Handed 09:00 Emergency Rescue Down Under 09:30 Great British Menu 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 12:30 The Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:10 Lifeline 14:20 The Chef’s Protege 14:50 Portillo’s State Secrets 15:20 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:15 Rivers with Griff Rhys Jones 17:15 The Best Dishes Ever 17:45 Terry and Mason’s Great Food Trip 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Too Much TV 20:00 This Farming Life Bobby and Anne must gather their pregnant ewes from the hills ready for lambing 21:00 Horizon The story of an extraordinary scientific adventure - the attempt to control gravity 22:00 Employable Me Britain’s most extraordinary job seekers look to prove that having a neurological condition shouldn’t make them unemployable 23:00 Live From the BBC 23:30 Newsnight 00:15 Inside Obama’s White House 01:15 Land of Hope and Glory 02:15 Famous, Rich and Homeless 03:15 Pompeii 04:15 The Making of a Maestro 05:15 Caribbean with Simon Reeve

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale Paddy’s world is turned upside down 20:30 Coronation Street Sarah is enraged by an unwelcome visitor 21:00 Big Star’s Little Star Family secrets are revealed when Shaun Ryder appears with his daughter Pearl, EastEnders star Diane Parish with her daughter Kaya, and singer Mikey Graham with his daughter Sienna 22:00 Grantchester As the trial of local teenager Gary Bell approaches, Sidney and Geordie find themselves in disagreement regarding his guilt. Meanwhile, a man is convinced that his dead wife is haunting his home and stable yards, and implores Sidney to come to his estate and perform an exorcism for him 23:00 News 23:45 Bear Grylls: Mission Survive 00:40 Richard Wilson on the Road 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 ITV Nightscreen

07:00 Countdown 07:45 The Goldbergs 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Car SOS 12:00 Shipping Wars 13:00 News 13:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A New Life in the Sun 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 21:00 The Supervet A couple who have spent their lives saving stray animals bring in a threelegged cat called Jersey, who has recently become lame in her single back leg. The vet must decide whether the first-ever hip replacement on a threelegged cat is viable 22:00 24 Hours in A and E Thirteen-year-old Tom is rushed to St George’s after crashing his bike head first into a parked car while racing a friend 23:00 Raised by Wolves 23:35 Gogglebox 00:35 Plus Sized Wars 01:35 Live From Abbey Road Classics 02:05 The Secret Millionaire 03:00 Film Goon (15) 04:35 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb 05:30 Hugh’s 3 Good Things 05:40 Jamie’s Money Saving Meals

DON´T MISS

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:15 Film - Mystery Girl (PG) 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door Two tales in which old friendships were ruined when certain parties resorted to breaching each other’s privacy and roundthe-clock surveillance 21:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors The staff have to dish out some nononsense advice to people who don’t want to hear it 22:00 Nightmare Tenants, Slum Landlords Newbie property developer Alex calls in an eviction specialist after finding that he could be arrested if he tries to oust squatters from the derelict pub he purchased 23:00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away 23:55 Botched Up Bodies 00:55 Benefits by the Sea: Jaywick 01:50 Tattoo Disasters UK 02:15 Super Casino 04:10 Trauma Doctors 05:00 Nick’s Quest 05:25 Divine Designs 05:45 House Doctor

On This Day

GRANTCHESTER

ITV 22:00 SOAPS

As the trial of local teenager Gary Bell approaches, Sidney and Geordie find themselves in disagreement regarding his guilt. Meanwhile, a man is convinced that his dead wife is haunting his home and stable yards, and implores Sidney to come to his estate and perform an exorcism for him. The vicar offers prayers and counsel, but when the man is found hanged in the exact same spot in which his wife died, Sidney and Geordie are united by a shared goal as they investigate his suicide.

out that it was Paddy who Tess was having an affair with. Later, Paddy is in the pub when a fuming Pierce arrives and punches him, knocking him to the floor…

In Emmerdale, Paddy worries about Rhona seeing Pierce, but she assures him that she only wants to convince him to let his suspicions go. However, when Rhona meets Pierce, she reads Tess’s messages from her ‘mystery man’ on the secret affair phone. Struggling to contain her emotions, Rhona blurts

Meanwhile, Nicola thinks she’s got one over on Charity as she hands her a copy of the fake accounts, but Charity has already figured out what’s

going on. Soon afterwards, Cain works out that Ross and Charity are dodgy dealing together. When Charity goes to the farm later on, she finds the barn empty, with Cain in wait. She has been caught and Cain warns her about working with Ross. Afterwards, Charity heads to find Nicola and Jimmy and makes her demands. Elsewhere, Lisa insists to Zak that she deserves a new life too and sets to work on painting the house. In Coronation Street, David and Kylie worry about Sarah. As Todd and Bethany sit with her, the

1983: Reagan launches Cold War into space. mood is soured by the arrival of Marion, following a tip-off from Gemma. Enraged, Sarah demands that Marion stay away from her and the baby and throws her out. Bethany starts to worry that Callum might show up now that Marion is in the know, but Sarah insists that won’t be happening. Todd informs David and Kylie about Sarah’s extreme reaction to Marion. As Sarah announces she’s calling the baby Harry, David and Kylie urge her to relax. Meanwhile, Carla arrives at the factory to help fix the O’Driscoll mess. Aidan

07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Dinner Date 08:10 Ellen DeGeneres 09:00 Emmerdale 09:30 You’ve Been Framed and Famous 10:35 Catchphrase 11:15 Dinner Date 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:35 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Film - The Back-Up Plan (12) 00:10 Family Guy 01:10 American Dad 02:05 Two and a Half Men 02:30 Scorpion ITV3 07:00 Movies Now 07:10 Doctor in the House 07:35 Heartbeat 08:35 Where the Heart is 09:40 The Royal 10:40 Judge Judy 12:00 Noah’s Ark 13:05 Murder, She Wrote 14:05 Heartbeat 15:10 The Royal 16:10 Where the Heart is 17:20 Doctor in the House 17:55 In Loving Memory 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Rosemary and Thyme 22:00 Love Your Garden 23:00 A Touch of Frost 01:05 Wire in the Blood 02:05 Where the Heart is ITV4 07:00 Movies Now 07:10 Hogan’s Heroes 08:10 The The Chase 09:10 Professionals 10:10 The Sweeney 11:10 Ax Men 12:10 The Chase 13:15 Pawn Stars 13:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 18:15 Storage Wars 18:40 The Professionals 19:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 00:15 Film - Unleashed (18) 02:20 The Sweeney 03:20 Hogan’s Heroes

07:00 Peter Hurst, 10:00 Trev Massey, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Gordon Lack 19:00 Andy James

reminds her that she’s leaving in two months and that he should be the one to save Underworld.

gift for the baby. He breaks the news to Gail that he is thinking of leaving Weatherfield.

When Eva overhears Sally and Beth blaming her dogooding for the mess, she arrives at the factory to help Aidan drum up business and suggests ringing former customer Dave Hanlon. Aidan thinks it’s a waste of time but Eva won’t take no for an answer. Eva successfully sets up a meeting with Hanlon for next week. Aidan is impressed and they kiss passionately, reunited at last.

Also today, Sally nags Tim to creosote their garden fence, pointing out that she has a reputation to maintain now that she’s a councillor. Tim moans to Tyrone, who offers to do the garden fence for him.

Elsewhere, Michael arrives at Number 8 with a

Thursday 24th March 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Caught Red Handed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Think Tank 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 The TV That Made Me 17:30 Flog It 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders Mick seeks advice from another Walford couple 21:00 MasterChef Five more amateurs compete for a place in the quarterfinal, preparing food that represents who they are, before the three least successful hopefuls rustle up a sweet or savoury dish using either crab or chocolate as the main ingredient 22:00 DIY SOS The Big Build Nick Knowles is in Spalding, Lincolnshire, to meet Dakota Read and her family. The eight-year-old was born with quadriplegic cerebral palsy and her home needs to be made more wheelchair-friendly 23:00 News 23:45 The Autistic Me 00:45 This Week 01:30 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:35 News

07:00 Show Me the Monet 07:45 Talking Pictures 08:30 Caught Red Handed 09:00 The Great Interior Design Challenge 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:20 The Chef’s Protege 14:50 Portillo’s State Secrets 15:20 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:15 Rivers with Griff Rhys Jones 17:15 The Best Dishes Ever 17:45 Terry and Mason’s Great Food Trip 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Too Much TV 20:00 Big Dreams Small Spaces A couple want a garden for their son who has Down’s syndrome 21:00 The Secret History of My Family Documentary charting social history through family trees 22:00 Line of Duty Return of the crime thriller about a police anti-corruption unit 23:00 Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle 23:30 Newsnight 00:15 The Women’s Football Show 00:45 Employable Me 01:45 The People v OJ Simpson: American Crime Story 02:35 Panorama 03:05 Let’s Play Darts for Sports Relief 2016 04:05 A Culture Show Special 05:05 Caribbean with Simon Reeve

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale Rhona is determined to go ahead with the adoption 20:30 Tonight Migration is one of the key issues in the European referendum but what are the facts behind the much-reported pressures of immigration and has Britain really reached its capacity? 21:00 Emmerdale Cain is suspicious 21:30 The Cruise Staff compete to win the coveted title of employee of the month. With a top prize of 500 dollars, there are also deck privileges, tours, dinners and extra time off up for grabs 22:00 Bear Grylls: Mission Survive The celebrities move from the African bush to the coastal forest, where they must learn how to adapt to their new surroundings 23:00 News 23:40 Speeding Wars 00:40 Murder, She Wrote 01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen

07:00 Countdown 07:45 The Goldbergs 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:05 Car SOS 12:05 Shipping Wars 13:00 News 13:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A New Life in the Sun 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 21:00 Ugly House to Lovely House with George Clarke In the final episode of the series, Denise and Ali seek a new lease of life for their uninspiring council house in Croydon on a tight budget of £120,000 22:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Jimmy Carr hosts a new edition of the hit comedy show, packed with silly games and surprises with team captains Jon Richardson and Sean Lock 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 00:05 Tattoo Fixers 01:10 The Last Leg 02:05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 02:55 Royal Navy School 03:50 Dispatches 04:20 Unreported World 04:45 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb 05:45 Jamie’s Money Saving Meals

DON´T MISS

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film - Garage Sale Mystery 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild UK Ben heads to Wales to meet 61-year-old Emma Orbach, who abandoned ‘modern’ Britain, to live offgrid in a mud hut 21:00 Medical Mysteries Cameron was a healthy schoolboy until he began suffering excruciating head pain, body tics and hallucinations 22:00 Trauma Doctors When a 35-year-old woman collapses on the street, her heart stops and she is clinically dead. The emergency medical team have to apply shock treatment and perform vital CPR, but can they get her heart to restart? 23:00 Cop Killer: Britain’s Worst Crimes 00:00 Left for Dead by the Yorkshire Ripper 01:00 Super Casino 04:10 That’s So1984 05:00 Nick’s Quest 05:25 Divine Designs 05:50 House Doctor

On This Day

LINE OF DUTY

BBC2 22:00 SOAPS

Return of the crime thriller about a police anti-corruption unit. A hardened criminal is shot dead by an armed-response unit led by Sgt Danny Waldron, who claims they were acting in self-defence when interviewed by Hastings and Arnott. To find out more, DC Kate Fleming is sent undercover into Danny’s team, and she is quick to identify tensions between the officers - only for her own conduct to come under scrutiny. Daniel Mays stars as the suspect, with Vicky McClure, Martin Compston, Adrian Dunbar, Arsher Ali and Will Mellor.

normal.

time job at the factory and clearly has a plan in mind.

Later, Rhona tells Paddy that Rita is coming round and she wants them to present a united front. But can they really paper over what has happened?

In Emmerdale, Vanessa is shocked when Nicola tells her about Paddy and Tess’s affair. When Rita the social worker arrives, Vanessa is further shocked to realise that Rhona is still going through with the adoption. She’s surprised to learn the extent of Paddy’s affair and can’t understand why Rhona would carry on as

Meanwhile, Moira and Cain argue about Charity using the barn to hide her stuff. Elsewhere, Val’s headstone arrives at the graveyard and everyone is taken aback by how big it is. Tracy tries to stall the driver as an AWOL Pollard is still not there. Also, Belle asks for a full-

In the second episode, Holly Barton has returned to the village. Moira and Adam are pleased to see her back, but Cain secretly has his doubts about her motives for returning. Later in the pub, Holly tells Adam that she’s not sure about Cain anymore. Adam reminds her that Cain saved her life. Not

1965: Millions watch space probe crash into moon.

long afterwards, Holly takes a phone call outside and promises to get the money she owes. It’s clear that she’s come back with more baggage than she’s letting on. Meanwhile, Rhona goes to see Vanessa and explains that the adoption is off. Vanessa advises her to leave Paddy if she can’t see a way back. Later, Rhona tells Paddy that she’d like them to try and make things work, but she wants them to move to Germany. Will Paddy be willing to move abroad? Elsewhere, David takes drastic action to stop the

crane driver putting Val’s headstone in place as Pollard still isn’t there. In Eastenders, With Ollie back home, Mick grows paranoid by suggesting that his behaviour has changed. Linda disagrees and insists that Ollie is fine, but Mick thinks she’s just in denial and turns to Honey and Billy for advice. Honey shares some advice with Mick, explaining how she felt when she learned that Janet had Down’s Syndrome. Later, Mick arrives back at The Vic with Honey and tells Linda that they need to accept Ollie might have

07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Dinner Date 08:10 Ellen DeGeneres 09:00 Emmerdale 09:30 Coronation Street 10:00 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 10:35 Catchphrase 11:15 Dinner Date 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:15 You’ve Been Framed 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:35 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Scorpion 23:00 Celebrity Juice 23:50 @Elevenish 00:20 Family Guy 01:20 American Dad 02:45 @Elevenish 03:10 Teleshopping ITV3 07:00 Movies Now 07:10 Doctor in the House 07:35 Heartbeat 08:35 Where the Heart is 09:40 The Royal 10:40 Judge Judy 12:00 Noah’s Ark 13:05 Murder, She Wrote 14:05 Heartbeat 15:05 The Royal 16:10 Where the Heart is 17:15 Doctor in the House 17:50 In Loving Memory 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Foyle’s War 23:00 A Touch of Frost 01:05 Wire in the Blood 02:05 Where the Heart is 02:55 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping ITV4 07:00 Hogan’s Heroes 08:05 The Chase 09:05 The Professionals 10:10 The Sweeney 11:15 Ax Men 12:10 The Chase 13:15 Storage Wars 13:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 18:15 Storage Wars 18:40 The Professionals 19:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 00:15 Film - Magnum Force (18) 02:45 The Sweeney 03:45 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping

07:00 Peter Hurst, 10:00 Trev Massey, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Gordon Lack 19:00 Andy James changed, but Linda becomes angry and insists that Honey should go. As tensions rise further, Mick storms downstairs and throws everyone out out of The Vic. As Linda also starts to recognise that Ollie might have changed, Mick takes his anger out on Nancy - leaving her devastated as he admits that he blames her and can never forgive her.

top

Dessert Syrup Sponge Ingredients

2 tablespoons golden syrup 75g (3 oz) plain flour 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder 2 large eggs 100g (4 oz) caster sugar 100g (4 oz) butter, softened

Directions In a 1-litre microwave safe mixing bowl, add the golden syrup, turning to coat the bottom and sides of the bowl. In a separate bowl, place the remaining ingredients and beat well for 2 to 3 minutes. Spoon the mixture on top of the syrup and spread evenly. Cover loosely with cling film and cook in the microwave on high for 5 to 6 minutes. Remove and let stand for 5 minutes. Turn out onto a warmed plate and serve hot with hot custard and/or extra syrup.

Friday 18th March 2016

Irish Classic For St Patrick's Day

Colcannon and gubbeen croquettes Makes 10-12 croquettes You don't often see croquette potatoes these days; I think they died a death during the 1970s when every pub and restaurant used to serve those frozen ones. But they are delicious made fresh as snacks or side dishes. Try serving with a garlic or mustard mayonnaise. 350-400g floury potatoes, peeled and roughly chopped Salt and freshly ground white pepper 200g green cabbage like

savoy, cut into rough 1cm squares, cooked then well drained and dried. 150g gubbeen or other creamy, semi-soft cheese, grated, 2-3tbsp flour, 2 small eggs, beaten, 30g fresh white breadcrumbs mixed with 30g oatmeal. Cook the potatoes in boiling salted water, then drain and return to the heat for a minute to dry them out and evaporate any excess water. Preferably using a potato ricer, mash the potatoes. Season and stir in the cabbage and cheese, mixing well. Mould the mixture into cylindrical shapes

about 3cm long and a little slimmer than a wine cork. Have the flour ready in a dish and and carefully roll the croquettes in it, holding them with your fingers and shaking off any excess. Next roll them in the beaten egg, and finally roll them in the breadcrumbs and oats. Preheat about 8cm of oil to 160-180C in a large, thickbottomed saucepan or electric deep-fat fryer. When the oil is hot, fry the croquettes a few pieces at a time for 34 minutes until they are golden. Drain on some kitchen paper and serve immediately.

Food & Drink

Cappuccino Microwave Mug Cake Recipe

A rich coffee and chocolate cake topped with a swirl of whipped cream - what's not to like? And the best thing is, you can make it in the microwave. Mug cakes simply involve mixing ingredients in a mug, popping it into the microwave and then watching the perfectly-risen cake come out in under three minutes. In our new Telegraph video series â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Mug Cakesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, we will show you how to make a range of delicious cakes in a mug: including a simple peanut butter chocolate cake, sticky hazelnut brownie and a cranberry cookie cake. Serves One, Ingredients: 30g butter, 30g dark choco-

late, 1 egg, 2 tbsp sugar, 5tbsp plain flour, 1/2 tbsp baking powder, 1 tbsp instant coffee, 1 tbsp cocoa powder, 1 tbsp cream. Method: In a mug: melt the butter with the chocolate in the microwave for 30-40 seconds. Beat the mixture until smooth and then allow it to cool slightly. One by one, whisk in the egg, sugar, flour, baking powder, instant coffee, cream and give one last mix. Cook in the microwave for one minute and 30 seconds. Allow to cool for one minute, decorate with whipped cream and cocoa powder. Eat straight away the whipped cream melts quickly!

Food & Drink

New-Wave Gin Is Just The Tonic For Us All You may not have noticed – particularly if you were busy drinking it – but, last year, it is estimated that gin sales topped £1bn for the first time and there is no sign of this boozy bandwagon slowing down. According to the Wine and Spirit Trade Association, the number of UK gin distilleries has nearly doubled to about 200 since 2010, while the number of gin bars and dedicated events is mushrooming. This month, for instance, you could visit the new gin bar at Covent Garden’s Mr Fogg’s Tavern – a bar that, with its 300 gins, claims to have London’s largest collection; or attend (had it not sold out) a Gin Festival at Manchester’s Victoria Baths. The latter is part of a series of almost weekly festivals that are running across Britain. Little wonder that analyst Mintel calculates that British gin sales will be worth £1.31bn by 2020. Stuart Ekins, co-owner of London bar Bedford & Strand, says: “My staff are probably fed up with people coming in and talking about gin. There are

Friday 18th March 2016

very few vodka cocktails left on lists in top bars now; it’s very gin heavy. And with all the new distilleries and styles coming out, gin has a long way to go.” Those new distilleries are predominantly artisan outfits producing traditional smallbatch gins using increasingly exotic botanicals. Founded in 2009 and, at the time, the first distillery to open in London since 1820, Sipsmith – which prides itself on its use of copper stills and its “one-shot” production process – inspired a wave of new micro-distilleries, such as Slingsby, Cotswolds, Anno Kent and Forest. It helps, explains Ekins – who also runs Cask Liquid Marketing, which distributes and markets spirits – that, while there is considerable skill involved in creating a good gin recipe, you can start making it commercially at home. It is a relatively easy and potentially lucrative thing to get into. Like craft beer, new-wave gin has appealed to younger generation of drinkers, who crave quality and authenticity in their booze. Forty-two

per cent of 18- to 34 yearold’s have recently tried gin and a whole sub-culture has emerged around its consumption. You can see it in the perplexing fashion for vintage-themed gin bars at food events – all 1940s ration-card chic and gin cocktails in china teacups – but also in the rise of gin tours and subscription gin clubs for connoisseurs. Gin distillers have responded to this interest with increasing, radical experimentation. Beyond the basic, predominant juniper, coriander and citrus botanicals, gins now regularly feature unusual ingredients such as wild clover, basil, cassia bark, rosemary, Arbequina olives, pine, angelica or Jasmine tea. Silent Pool for instance packs in a mighty 24 different flavourings. Locally foraged, seasonal ingredients are now fed into limited-edition gins, while other makers are pushing the potential of barrel-ageing the spirit. A hard core of fans even drink gins neat, to fully appreciate the nuances in their flavours.

Culinary Spices And Herbs

Rosemary Rosemary is a hearty, woody Mediterranean herb that has needlelike leaves and is a good source of antioxidants. Because of its origin, rosemary is commonly used in Mediterranean cooking and you’ll often see it included as a primary ingredient in Italian seasonings. You can use it to add flavor to soups, tomatobased sauces, bread, and high-protein foods like poultry, beef, and lamb. Rosemary may help with detoxification; taste changes; indigestion, flatulence, and other digestive problems; and loss of appetite. Try drinking up to 3 cups of rosemary leaf tea daily for help with these problems. Turmeric Turmeric is an herb in the

ginger family; it's one of the ingredients that make many curries yellow and gives it its distinctive flavor. Curcumin appears to be the active compound in turmeric. This compound has demonstrated antioxidant and antiinflammatory properties, potentially protecting against cancer development. Turmeric extract supplements are currently being studied to see if they have a role in preventing and treating some cancers, including colon, prostate, breast, and skin cancers. Although results appear promising, they have largely been observed in laboratory and animal studies, so it’s unclear whether these results will ultimately translate to humans.

Chile peppers Chile peppers contain capsaicin, a compound that can relieve pain. When capsaicin is applied topically to the skin, it causes the release of a chemical called substance P. Upon continued use, the amount of substance P eventually produced in that area decreases, reducing pain in the area. But this doesn’t mean you should go rubbing chile peppers where you have pain. Chile peppers need to be handled very carefully, because they can cause burns if they come in contact with the skin. Therefore, if you have pain and want to harness the power of chile peppers, ask your oncologist or physician about prescribing a capsaicin cream. It has shown pretty good results with regard to treating neuropathic pain (sharp, shocking pain that follows the path of a nerve) after surgery for cancer. Another benefit of chile peppers is that they may help with indigestion. Seems counterintuitive, right? But some studies have shown that ingesting small amounts of cayenne may reduce indigestion.

North African Sausage That’ll Knock Your Socks Off Once you’ve tried these spicy bangers, there’ll be no turning back!

Merguez are long, thin and taste distinctly of North Africa, thanks to the harissa, paprika and other spices with which they’re made. The meat in these wonderful sausages is always either beef or lamb (or a mixture of the two), never pork, and although they’re ubiquitous throughout North Africa and France, they are not always so easy to find over here. If you can’t get hold of any, use the kebab mix in today’s first recipe. It’s coarser and not quite as fatty as classic merguez sausagemeat, but it’s just as heavy in spices and high in heat.

Merguez kebabs Use this mix to make these kebabs, or as sausagemeat. These quantities will give you just the right amount for today’s potato bake dish, but more than you need for the scotch eggs; any you don’t use can be frozen or fried up for a smaller batch of these kebabs. Makes eight, to serve four (or 650g raw sausagemeat). 500g minced lamb (20% fat) 2 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed, 2 tbsp rose harissa 1 tsp cumin seeds, toasted and lightly crushed, 2 tsp coriander seeds, toasted

and lightly crushed, 2 tsp fennel seeds, toasted and lightly crushed, 1 tsp sweet smoked paprika, ¼ tsp cayenne ½ tsp ground cinnamon, 2 tbsp olive oil, 80g fresh white breadcrumbs, Salt. Put everything in a large bowl with a teaspoon of salt. Using your hands, mix to combine, then form into eight kebabs about 12cm long x 4cm wide x 2cm thick. Set aside in the fridge for 30 minutes, to rest and for the flavours to develop.Heat the oven to 200C/390F/gas mark 6. Put a frying pan on a mediumhigh heat and ventilate the

kitchen. Once the pan is hot, fry the kebabs for two to three minutes, turning halfway through, until golden brown all over. Transfer to a small tray, tip off any excess oil and bake for 10 minutes, until cooked through. Serve with a tomato and cucumber salad and some pitta. Merguez and aubergine scotch eggs Makes 10. 3 large aubergines (900g) 1 tbsp olive oil 1 medium onion, peeled and finely chopped 2 ancho chillies, soaked in boiling water for 15 minutes 2 tsp tomato paste, 1 tsp fennel seeds, lightly toasted and crushed, ¼ tsp celery seeds 1 tsp dried mint, 190g merguez (about 4), meat squeezed out of the skins and roughly mashed (or just under a third of the raw kebab mix from today’s first recipe). Salt, 70g feta, crumbled into 1cm pieces, 10 large eggs, plus 2 extra, beaten, for dipping, 100g panko breadcrumbs, 70g plain flour, 1 litre vegetable oil, to fry.. Put a ridged griddle pan on a high heat and ventilate the kitchen. Once the pan is

very hot, grill the aubergines for 45 minutes, turning them over regularly, so all the skin is completely charred and the flesh inside is soft and smoked. (Alternatively, grill the aubergines directly on three flames on the hob, in which case they’ll take only about 20 minutes.) Transfer the grilled aubergines to a bowl and, once cool, scoop out the flesh; discard the blackened skin. Put the flesh in the centre of a clean Jcloth, bring together the edges and squeeze out as much liquid as possible. Put the flesh in a medium bowl: you should have about 120g. Heat the oil in a small frying pan over a medium-high flame, then fry the onion for eight minutes, stirring a few times, until caramelised and soft, then add to the aubergine bowl. Remove and discard the stalks from the soaked chillies, then put them in a spice grinder with a tablespoon of the chilli soaking water. Blitz until smooth, then add to the aubergine mix with the tomato paste, spices, sausagemeat and a quarter-teaspoon of salt. Use your hands to combine,

then roughly mix in the feta and set aside. Put a medium saucepan filled with plenty of water on a high heat. Once boiling, carefully drop in 10 eggs, leave to boil for six minutes (for runny yolks), then drain and refresh under running cold water to stop them cooking further. Peel carefully and set aside. Put the panko in one bowl, the plain flour in a second bowl and the two beaten eggs in a third. Divide the aubergine and merguez mix into 10 portions, each weighing about 50g, and place one portion each between two pieces of clingfilm. Press down with your hands to form an 1112cm-wide circle that’s about 0.5cm thick. Remove the top layer of clingfilm and place a peeled boiled egg in the middle of the mix. Draw up the sides of the clingfilm to envelop the egg with the sausage mixture, so that it’s completely wrapped and the egg sealed inside. With your hands, make the sausage coating as even as possible, patching up any gaps as you do so, then transfer to a plate and repeat with the remaining eggs and sausage mix.

Friday 18th March 2016

Instagram-Worthy 'Power Bowl' The Fat Duck - The most famous resturant in Britain

First up came the glass filled with ‘cold-pressed, organic juice’. Next was the granola from a Mason jar, and before long smoothies were getting in on the act, via smoothie bowls filled with all manner of goodness. But the latest food trend to send Instagram into overdrive is altogether more savoury. Introducing power bowls, or the latest way to eat your lunch like the chic, wellness-obsessed set. Basically a bowl filled with vegetables, whole grains and protein, the power bowl ticks all the right boxes. It’s as healthy as a salad,

but tastes heartier, it’s highly photogenic and is low in carbohydrates while also being jam packed full of socalled ‘good fats’ (think avocado, chia seeds and brazil nuts). It also can easily cost as much as much as $22, as it does in some of Australia’s fashionable ‘clean and lean’ cafes including Speedos in Bondi Beach, Sydney.But it is possible to make your own at home – if you’re prepared to invest the time and love that goes into the perfect photo opportunity that is. There’s a science to the ‘perfect power bowl’, which basically comes down to

macrobiotics. The most powerful Power Bowl consists of 15 per cent lean protein, 25 per cent whole grains, 35 per cent vegetables, 10 per cent sauce and 30 per cent extras (including nuts, seeds and sprouts). Good ingredients to add to your shopping list if you want to recreate your own at home include quinoa, beetroot, sweet potato, seeds, nuts, chicken, black beans and avocado (of course). When perfectly arranged so that you can see everything in it, the bowl provides a much more photogenic alternative to the traditional

plate – so much so that there are an impressive five bowl cookbooks out this year (including Bowl, by Lukas Volger, which will be released in March). Fans of the bowl say that it is like a ‘hug’ in a meal, and Instagram already has tens of thousands of posts with the hashtag #powerbowl accompanying their filtered snaps. For those who are sick of their regular plate of salad at lunchtime and who fancy something with a little bit more symmetry and harmony than a few pieces of wilting lettuce, you could do worse than try the power bowl in replacement.

Food & Drink

Shocking Amount Of Sugar In Drinks Campaign group Action on Sugar surveyed 131 drinks from high street coffee shops for their sugar content Found 35% have more sugar than a Coca Cola can - which has 9 teaspoons - the equivalent of 7 chocolate biscuits. Starbucks, Costa and Caffè Nero have been accused of fuelling a national obesity crisis with their sugar laden speciality drinks. A large - or venti serving of a Hot Mulled Fruit drink from Starbucks, which comes with chai, orange and cinnamon, has 99g of sugar. That equates to 25 teaspoons and is more than three times the recommended maximum for an adult for an entire day. Recommended maximum daily intake of added sugar for an adult is 30g or around seven teaspoons. The drink features in a top five of sugar laden drinks surveyed by the campaigning group Action on Sugar. Its survey of 131 flavoured hot drinks found 98 per cent would receive a red label for

high sugar content under guidelines drawn up by the Food Standards Agency. Top offenders include the US chain’s White Chocolate Mocha with Whipped Cream, where a venti has 73.8g – 18 teaspoons. Even its Signature Hot Chocolate comes in a 60g – 15 teaspoons. Meanwhile Costa's Chai Latte Massimo has a whopping 79.7g of sugar – 20 teaspoons. And a large mocha from KFC has 58.8g – 15 teaspoons – while a Caramelatte from Caffè Nero, measures 50.6g – 13 teaspoons. In some of these the sugar content was marginally inflated by the natural lactose sugar found in milk. The campaign group is calling for new legally binding targets requiring supermarkets and manufacturers to cut the sugar content in food and drink. Action on Sugar said coffee shops have an enormous influence because there are more than 18,000 outlets selling an estimated 1.7 billion hot drinks a year.

Food & Drink

Friday 18th March 2016

DVD’S Z Nation

The Costa Blanca´s Biggest and Best Live Local radio station - TKO fm - are currently looking for RADIO PRESENTERS to enhance their current rosta. If you think that you have a voice that people will listen to – and have what it takes to Plan - Produce and Present a structured, informative and entertaining 2 or 3 hour live show within pre set musical guidelines - to a discerning target audience – then get in touch. You may have had previous experience – or maybe you are just thinking that it is something you would like to do. Either way – in the first instance send a 2 minute mp3 file showing off your voice and presenting talents and style to tkomedia2015@gmail.com with a brief covering note explaining why you think you should be On Air! Remember, experience is not required if you are the right person for the job and all applications will be treated in the strictest of confidence – but those without the required mp3 file will not be considered, so get recording. Your radio future is waiting.

BOX OFFICE

TOP 10 1. Zootopia 2. 10 Cloverfield Lane 3. Deadpool 4. London Has FallenFoxtrot 5. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot 6. The Perfect Match 7. The Young Messiah 8. Grimsby 9. Gods of Egypt 10. Risen

Grimsby: Venomous Action Movie

DIRECTOR Louis Leterrier GENREComedy SYNOPSIS Nobby has 11 children and the most attractive girlfriend in northern England. There's only one thing missing in his life: his little brother, Sebastian . After they were adopted by different families as children, Nobby sets off to reunite with his brother. RELEASE DATE February 24, 2016 DURATION 82 mins

Baron Cohen (who turned up at last Monday night’s Leicester Square premiere in his underwear and swigging lager) plays Norman “Nobby” Grimsby, an English football hooligan with a Liam Gallagher haircut and sideburns. First encountered, he is living happily up North with his buxom wife (Rebel Wilson), who models herself on “Sharon Stallone in Basic

Instinct”, and many kids. He spends his days watching football in his local pub, The Trawler, and sticking rockets up his backside to celebrate English victories. Nobby is harbouring a secret. Years ago, he was separated from his beloved brother Sebastian (played as an adult by Mark Strong) when they were in an orphanage. Nobby pines for his lost sibling. Seb, who has grown up to be a supersuave MI6 agent, doesn’t pine for him. The film could easily have seemed patronising and caricatured in its use of Northern stereotypes. Grimsby is portrayed as a derelict town full of fat-bellied lager louts and feral kids. Everybody lives on welfare. Grimsby is twinned with Chernobyl. Nobby himself is a dim-witted slob with extreme nationalistic tenden-

cies. He and his friends are referred to as “working-class scum” by the villainous rich folk plotting to reduce the world’s population. It’s then sheer glee off the comic set-pieces that enables Grimsby to transcend its preposterous plotting. Nobby almost causes his brother’s death and then becomes his saviour. As the film progresses, the jokes become ever dirtier and more outrageous. They revolve around sex, faeces and bodily fluids, especially sperm, which is shed by the gallon. As ever, Baron Cohen pushes every idea to extremes. Despite its often obscene humour, Grimsby is upbeat and very cheery. Nobby himself has an innocence about him that never leaves him, even in the most extreme situations. The flashbacks to his childhood, when he and

peak on the early morning of the 18th with the Nit del Foc, a unique firework display in the world and at 7a.m., as the Cavalcada Foc. Stroll through the most typical neighborhoods and the local environment such as ‘El Carmen’, ‘Russafa’, ‘El Mercat’ or the ‘Eixample’ and get enraptured with ‘falleros’ artistic monuments. Listen, feel and dance the music of their bands, concerts, festivities or festivals, participate in

contests, taste paella or the traditional chocolate donut, choose an afternoon ‘Fair Fallas’, rejoice at the sight of ignition lights, with the veil of the city’s patron virgin, which is made of flowers bouquets of the ‘falleras’ or the lush costumes of the ‘festeros’, admire the Great Moor Parade of the ‘Falla Almirante Cadarso-Conde Altea’ and get excited with the cremà.1 But, like everything else, good things also come to

Seb were brothers taking on the world together, are shown in a sepia-tinged fashion. The settings here range from the bright lights of London to Grimsby itself; from South Africa to South America. There are car chases, some brutal fight sequences and pitch invasions whenever football is shown. The targets of the often very vicious humour range from Daniel Radcliffe to Donald Trump. Baron Cohen’s Northern accent wavers at times but he makes a surprisingly sympathetic anti-hero and even gets to give a very rousing, Churchill-style speech on behalf of “the scum of the world”. For all of its Viz-like humour and delight in obscenity, this is also a family movie: a rousing, feel-good tale of a Grimsby everyman taking on and beating the world.

The Biggest Party In Valencia, ‘Las Fallas.’ Load up on energy and let your senses emerge with the ‘Fallas’ in Valencia. Acoustic and visual performances, scents and floral fragrances, interactions, flavors... Valencia offers so much ... that you will not be able to rest, you will just enjoy. Throb with fire events, which are usually at noon, the mascletaes, which take place at Valencia’s townhall square until the 19th of March; stunning fireworks at night, which reach their

an end. On March the 19th, the Fallas effigies are burnt: the kids' versions on the first place, then the big ones. The burning of the cardboard monuments, called cremà, starts at ten o'clock at night, when the small monuments are burned. Two hours later, the flames devour one by one the rest of the Fallas. The Falla of the Town Hall Square is the last one, and its huge pile is what makes each year the end of the Festival.

A zombie virus gutted the nation three years ago, but one lone survivor of the plague exists. Now a group of reluctant volunteers must work together to transport this survivor three thousand miles across the country to the last functioning lab in the country who may be able to save the country, with this cross-country tripsecret that may threaten them all.

Strike Back Strike Back is a military television series that blends elements of action, thriller, and drama. The show is primarily concerned with the acts of secret i v e branch Section 20. As a branch of the British Defence Intelligence service, Section 20 members execute several high risk missions throughout the world.

Life James Dean was considered a brilliant actor whose life was cut way too short by tragedy. While there are many pictures of James Dean, few are more famous than the pictures taken by Life Magazine photographer Dennis Stock in 1955. While the world still feels the effects of the onfilm perf o r mances by James D e a n , Stock's pictures give us unique insight into a young man who was struggling with serious demons his entire life. When Stock's pictures are strung together into one collective piece, they tell a story that is both tragic and frightening.

Friday 18th March 2016

Friends Of

Hi everybody from TKO Teddy and I hope you recovered well from yesterday’s St. Patrick’s Day celebrations. Now we have Easter to look forward to and lots of lovely chocolate eggs for me to have a munch at! I love a good fun time and I dropped in last weekend on a birthday party at The Abbey Tavern on the La Florida urbanisation on the Orihuela Costa. There were loads of children enjoying themselves and they certainly made me fell very welcome, with many of them whispering into my big ears that they’d never ever seen such a big bear like me before. A few of them even gave me a big of a tug but my super strong fur was

not hurt and I have to confess that I loved all the attention that I got from them! There are loads more pictures from the weekend on my Facebook page, TKO Teddy. Come along and join me there and feel free to post or send any fun, cute or just plain old funny photos you may have, especially of your pets. I do love animals, you know! I’m also after visiting loads of businesses, charities, and events across the area, so don’t forget that if you want me to come along, just contact me via Facebook and my special page, TKO Teddy. My phone number is 664 315 470 or via e-mail tkoteddy@tko.media

Friday 18th March 2016

Jeanette Erath - Learn Spanish

Tenses For Modal Verbs

This week we are continuing our journey into the modal verbs in Spanish, but first here are the translations from last week: She could have left at 3 o'clock – pudo salir a lastres, Could you give me a pencil? – ¿Podrías dar me un lápiz? We could go to the movies – podríamos ir al cine, Joe could speak Spanish

when he was young – Joe podia hablar español cuando era joven, I couldn´t sleep last night – no pude dormer anoche, Could you play an instrument when you were a child? – ¿Podías tocar un instrument cuando eras un niño? You could pass the test if you studied – Podrías pasar el examen si estudiaras, I think it could

rain later – Creo que podríallo ver más tarde, Could you help me? – ¿Podrías ayudar me? Now we are going to talk about the conditional tense, in English we use the modal verb would followed by the infinitive, for example: I would go, we would have, etc. In Spanish there is no modal verb for would instead there are endings that we have to place on the infinitive of the verb. Firstly it´s important to know that these endings go on all verbs whether they end –er, -ir or –ar, secondly they are added to the infinitive of the verb including the above endings, they are not removed as in some other verb tenses. The endings that you need to learn are: ía, ías, ía, íamos, íais, ían. So for I would go we need

to say the verb to go = ir plus the ending for I (yo) ía, therefore I would go = iría, she would go = irías, he would go =iría, etc. If you are familiar with the future tense (will) in Spanish then you are already familiar with the irregular verbs in the conditional as they are the same. Here they are if you want to revise or aren´t sure: Caber - yo cabría, poner yo pondría, decir - yo diría, haber - yo habría, salir - yo saldría, hacer - yo haría, poder - yo podría, tener - yo tendría. Querer - yo querría, valer - yo valdría, saber - yo sabría, venir - yo vendría. The I (yo) form has only been shown as the stem doesn´t change for the subject therefore you just add the end to the underlined stem as shown

depending on whom you are talking about. This form is used for all the times we would use it in English, to express a future doubtful possibility: viajaría pero no tengo tiempo – I would travel but I don´t have time, to ask advice: ¿qué harías tú? What would you do?, for reported speech: Jose dijo que terminaría el trabajo – Jose said he would finish the work, it is also used in conditional statements, however the other verb in the conditional has to be in the subjunctive, therefore if you haven´t covered any subjunctive verbs then it´s best to try and steer clear from conditionals, for example: si yo tuviera tiempoiría al cine esta noche- If I had time I would go to the movies tonight.

Here are some sentences for you to translate to practice this verb tense, remember if it´s a sentence in the conditional use the subjunctive if you know it: I would speak French if I lived in the south of France, which one would you buy?, I knew that they would open the shop at seven o´clock, Would you prefer to eat a hamburger or a hot dog?, I would visit him but I don´t know where he is, he said that he wouldn´t drink the water here, I would go but I don´t have time, I´d like a white coffee please, If the UK vote to leave the EU I would become Spanish! Have a go at trying to include some modals in your day to day Spanish life and above all, have fun! I´ll give you the translations next week.

Health

Friday 18th March 2016

Everything You Need To Know About Sore Eyes Contact@medb.es

Website: www.medb.es

If your eyes feel worse as the day wears on, you may have dry eyes.

Why are my eyes itching? Itchy eyes are a common sign of tiredness, but if your eyes are often pink and itchy, your eyelids are raw and your eyelashes are crusty, you could have blepharitis. This is a common

condition that causes inflammation of the eyelids, including the skin, lashes and meibomian glands (the little structures that make the oily stuff in tears; if tears were too watery, they would evaporate instantly, rather than lubricating the

surface of the eye). Anyone can develop blepharitis, but the peak age is in your 50s. Half of all those with the condition also have dry-eye syndrome, in which the tears don’t do their job properly; the film of tears may be unstable or evaporate too readily. If your eyes feel worst in the morning, after a night’s sleep has allowed secretions to build up, it is likely that you have blepharitis. But if your eyes feel worse as the day wears on, you are more likely to be suffering from dry eyes. How can I prevent my eyes from drying out? Sore eyes may develop after you start new medication, if you have become unwell or if you have started wearing contact lenses.

Reduced tear production can be a result of ageing, or a side-effect from certain medication, including the pill, antihistamines and antidepressants. It can also occur because of long-term health conditions such as diabetes and thyroid problems, or because of damage from contact lenses or laser surgery for eyesight. There is no single explanation for blepharitis. Contributing factors include infection with staphylococcal bacteria, an underlying skin condition such as seborrhoeic dermatitis or rosacea and abnormalities of the meibomian glands. Tiny demodex skin mites living on the eyelid margins can block the glands with their waste products.

Can a gadget help my dry eyes? Hi-tech options include devices such as LipiFlow, which work by warming and compressing the eyelids. LipiFlow is a plastic cup with a small, heated plate that presses on the eyelid to clear debris. Experts say there is not enough evidence to recommend such devices, although they are unlikely to cause harm. What else could it be? Sore, red eyes are commonly due to conjunctivitis – inflammation of the thin layer covering the front of the eye, usually caused by infection or allergy. If both eyes are red and sore with a watery discharge, it is probably a viral infection such as the common cold. If only one eye is affected

and it is sticky with pus, the cause is bacterial; antibiotic eye drops will help. Red, itchy eyes with no discharge or pus that start in the hay fever season, with other symptoms such as sneezing, are caused by an allergy to pollen. Avoidance of the triggers, wearing sunglasses, taking antihistamines and using eye drops should ease symptoms. Allergies to makeup, hair and skincare products and exposure to fumes can make eyes sting and water. Foreign bodies, including contact lenses, may damage the eye’s surface and cause pain and visual disturbance. Any unexplained visual loss or pain in the eye needs urgent medical attention.

New Mothers In UK Have Shortest Hospital Stays Warning that short stays mean there could be insufficient time for proper checks on mothers and newborns British mothers are sent home from hospital after childbirth more quickly than in any other developed country, research suggests. They are spending an average of just a day and a half in maternity units after having their babies – the shortest stay for any highincome country assessed, according to the data pub-

lished in PLOS Medicine. Women in Bangladesh, Ghana and Liberia have longer stays. Researchers from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine compiled data from 92 different countries about the length of time women stayed in health facilities after childbirth. They concluded that a

substantial proportion of women in countries around the world do not stay in health facilities for long enough after giving birth, which could result in them receiving inadequate postnatal care. The country with the longest length of stay was Ukraine, where new mothers spend 6.2 days surrounded by health workers. But those in Egypt spend an average of just half a day in a maternity unit after childbirth. The academics warned that short stays mean there could be insufficient time for medics to carry out proper checks on mothers and their newborns. Commenting on the research, Louise Silverton, the director for Midwifery at the Royal College of Midwives, said: “The length of time a woman spends in

hospital will vary depending on their needs, and many other factors for example if a woman has had a caesarean section. “Midwives need to check to make sure women feel up to going home. However, provided the woman is medically fine, has the support she needs at home and the right postnatal care plan in place, and a good community midwife service, then going home even five or six hours after birth may be absolutely fine. “Some areas may expect women to go to a clinic for postnatal care, which is fine if she is feeling well and has transport, but not if she is unwell and does not have transport. I would also stress that many safety issues could be missed if a midwife does not see the woman at home.

“In the UK, postnatal care is under pressure due to staffing issues and budget cuts. Our own research in 2013 showed that too many women are going home when they are not ready and this needs addressing. “The decision about when a woman goes home after birth is one that should be made through discussion with the woman, midwives

and medical staff. The length of time and the care of the woman should be based on her needs, not on resources or availability of beds.” The study’s lead author, Oona Campbell, professor of epidemiology and reproductive health at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, said: “Our new findings suggest that a substantial proportion of women around the world are leaving childbirth facilities too soon after giving birth. “This is especially alarming in low-income countries, where access to care after being discharged is often limited. It is crucial we make sure not only that childbirth facilities have skilled care attendants and effective monitoring and treatment, but also that women stay in hospital long enough so that they and their newborn babies can benefit from these. “Labour and the hours that follow are the highest risk period for women and babies, and many women and their families undertake great efforts to reach health facilities to give birth, travelling long distances at expense.

MedB Health Dr M. Mannu

Friday 18th March 2016

7 Health Benefits of Wine

Prevents Cancer: Red grapes contain compounds that suppress aromatase, the enzyme in breast tumour that encourages the production of too much oestrogen which fuels cancer growth. Other studies have shown

that red wine reduces the risk of contracting colon cancer by over 50%. One study found that men who drink 47 glasses of red wine in a week are 52% less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer. Red wine is known to

be particularly protective against aggressive forms of cancer. Prevents Stroke and heart attacks: Studies have shown that people who drink wine are less likely to develop a stroke than people who do not drink wine. The benefits were not seen in beer or whisky drinkers. Promotes long life: The longest living European people of South West France, Sardinia and Crete, all drink wine with their meals. One study found that wine from these areas contains high levels of procyanidin, a compound in red wine that promotes cardiovascular health. Harvard scientists also discovered that the compound in wine called Resveratrol

increases the activity of a group of genes that prevents diseases caused by old age. Protects the eyes Researchers from the WashingtonUniversity school of Medicine found that the compound Resveratrol found in wine, prevents out of control growth of the blood vessels of the eye, a cause of many eye problems. The scientists suggest that resveratrol will be good for diabetic retinopathy and macular degeneration. Reduces blood sugar and risk of diabetes: Red wine is rich in Polyphenols, compounds that help in fat storage and blood sugar regulation. Researchers found that the quantity of Polyphenols in a small glass of red wine

Great Cuts And Pampering From Cut & Co! London-trained Hair Stylists, David and Karen run Cut and Co and have established themselves in their premises in Calle Los Arcos in Quesada which they moved to nearly 3 years ago. Both have over 20 years' experience in the hairdressing business and provide precision haircuts in a relaxed atmosphere with care and attention given to every client. Karen and David are also now available in the Perfectly Perfect Salon in Villa Martin on Mondays and Thursdays. The rest of the Cut and Co team include talented stylist Debbie who works on Mondays and Thursdays, whilst Annette, Beauty Therapist works on Tuesdays/Thursdays and Fridays and provides luxury manicures and pedicures, shellac nails and rejuvenating facials. Annette now also offers the new IBX System that creates nail strength from within. IBX System is a nail revolution that offers professional help for weak and damaged nails and can be used under Shellac and Nail Polish. You can also gain an insight into Spiritualism with Kim, who will gain an insight into your past, present and future with the help of your loved ones in the spirit world â&#x20AC;&#x201C; who know the real you. You can find the salon on Facebook at Cut and Co and also Wedding make-up artist and Nails Costa Blanca. To book a hair or any other beauty appointment phone Karen on 648 879 654 or David on 699 409 433.

had more blood sugar regulating ability than certain diabetic medications. Prevents the Depression: Wine improves mood and prevents depression. Researchers in Spain found that those who drink about 27 glasses of wine every week are less likely to suffer from depression. Prevents Colds: A study from Spain looking at 4000 University staff, found that those that drank wine were less likely to suffer from colds than those who drank beer or spirits. Researchers believe this is down to the high levels of antioxidants found in wine. For A Full Body Diagnostic Scan Call MedB Clinic: 965071745, 966189074.

HOW MANY UNITS ARE YOU DRINKING? 9% alcohol by volume = 1 unit 10% abv = 1.25 units 11% abv = 1.375 units 12% abv = 1.5 units 13% abv = 1.625 units 14% abv = 1.75 units See how many units of alcohol are in a small 125ml glass of wine.

Motoring

Friday 18th March 2016

The Hits Of The Geneva Motor Show The Cars that really caugh tthe eye at the 2016 Geneva motor show play. Not the most elegant of Lamborghinis, and perhaps not the most fitting of tributes, but we wouldn't say no to hearing it at full chat.

Aston DB11

In a few days' time, the 2016 Geneva motor show will draw to a close. Soon the dust will have settled, the stands will have been packed away and the concepts carefully disassembled and shunted into storage crates never to be seen again. We’ve trawled through our analytics to find out which were the most popular cars at the show. Read on to see what topped the tables out of all the concepts, supercars and new

metal unveiled.

Audi Q2

Where there’s a niche, there’s another Audi variant. Yup, the compact Q2 crossover sits below the Q3 in the company’s line-up – and leaves room for an even more diminutive Q1. The Q2 doesn’t lose any of the brand’s hallmarks in the reduction process, though; it’s still available with quattro, a range of turbocharged engines and a battery of modern tech.

Porsche 911R

It’s naturally aspirated, manual and lighter than other Carreras – what more could an enthusiast ask for? Well, perhaps for more than a handful to be available, and for them not to cost £137k. Still, we’re glad it exists – all 493bhp of it.

Lamborghini Centenario

A brash, 760bhp salute to founder Ferruccio Lamborghini was unveiled at the Geneva motor show – and it was among the most popular cars on dis-

Martin

A twin-turbo V12, 600bhp and a claimed 0-62mph time of 3.9sec? All factors, in conjunction with sharp styling and that evocative badge, that drove the DB11 into second place in our Geneva top 10. Here’s hoping the force-fed V12 delivers the goods, and that the DB11 stacks up elsewhere, too.

Bugatti Chiron

You guessed it – the Chiron was by far the most popular car of the show. It won’t come as a surprise; this is a 261mph capable supercar that packs 1480bhp street–legal horsepower into a finely detailed multi–million pound frame. Glorious excess, an engineering marvel or a complete irrelevance? You decide.

Motoring Groups Welcome Continued Fuel Duty Freeze In UK

Motoring organisations have welcomed the decision to freeze fuel duty for the sixth year in a row. There were fears that the Chancellor would increase duty for the first time since March 2011, because the cost of fuel has fallen amid tumbling oil prices. But George Osborne insisted that families "shouldn't be penalised" for that situation. In response to the announcement, AA president Edmund King said: "We are delighted that the Chancellor has resisted the temptation to increase fuel duty which will bring relief at the pumps for millions of motorists." RAC chief engineer David Bizley commented: "Motorists will be relieved that the Chancellor has not used low fuel prices as an opportunity to raise duty on petrol and diesel to help

reduce the deficit. "But with the Government's own evidence showing that lower fuel prices are good for the economy, we are disappointed Mr Osborne didn't make a longer-term commitment to freeze duty beyond next year's Budget." Quentin Willson, of FairFuelUK, described freezing fuel duty as "hugely significant". He went on: "The Treasury now has five years of evidence to prove that keeping fuel duty low has helped improve GDP, stimulate economic activity and actually improve tax receipts." Last month, the average price of diesel was 101p per litre, while petrol was 102p per litre. Oil prices have fallen some 70% since the summer of 2014 due to oversupply and falling demand from emerg-

ing nations such as China. Mr Osborne claimed the policy to freeze duty would result in annual savings of £75 for the average driver and £270 for a small business with a van. A study by motoring research charity the RAC Foundation published last week found that the proportion of tax in diesel prices is at its highest level in more than a decade. The organisation's director, Steve Gooding, said: "With VAT and fuel duty already accounting for three quarters of the price motorists pay at the pumps, any increase would have been tantamount to the Chancellor deciding to drive people off the road. "Instead this freeze will keep the economy moving and help the 60% of people travelling to work by car." Road Haulage Association chief executive Richard Burnett said the decision would "help retailers and provide a sound base for economic recovery". Jason Torrance, of public transport charity Sustrans, acknowledged that the Chancellor's announcement would be "popular with many", but he warned that "we can't go on relying on private cars". He added: "Extra revenue from a tax hike could be used to plug the gap in shrinking council budgets, make rail fares cheaper and build better cycling infrastructure."

Friday 18th March 2016

Visit the website, n332.es

Questions About Driving Licence Fines

The n332.es website team have received a number of questions regarding an article posted by the CAB (Citizen´s Advice Bureau) in Spain which states “Drivers with Valid UK Driving Licences Fined Illegally”. In view of the number of questions received, the team visited our associates from the Guardia Civil Trafico who run the N332 Facebook page in order to help to solve the doubts that article has generated. Question 1. Can I be fined if I have a VALID UK driving licence? YES, if you are RESIDENT and your licence complies with one of these

two cases: The holder of a European driving licence with an INDEFINITE DURATION or GREATER than 15 YEARS (or five years in the case of group permissions 2) with legal residence in Spain acquired on January 19, 2013 or before that date – You must renew your driving licence from January 19, 2015. The holder of a European driving licence with an INDEFINITE DURATION or GREATER than 15 YEARS (or five years in the case of group permissions 2) with legal residence in Spain obtained dated after January 19, 2013 – You must renew your driving

licence from the moment two years of residence in Spain has been met. NO, if you are a holiday maker. In conclusion, having a Valid European Driving Licence does not mean that you cannot be fined. It sounds rare, we know, but the law changed in Spain and if you are living PERMANENTLY in Spain, your European Licence must be renewed. We have published above what conditions must be met for licences to be renewed. Question 2. As a European citizen, can I get a 500 euro fine if I do not renew my licence? NO, you cannot. According to the “Reglamento de Conductores” there are 2 types of fines for Residents who are driving with “Non Valid Driving Licences.” 1- When the driver is living in Spain and there is no agreement between their country and Spain to change the licence, you must get a NEW ONE in Spain, which means carrying out an exam again. Once they are resident, their licences are not valid. This is what happens with drivers from non-European Countries such as Russia,

Documents You Must Carry When you drive a vehicle on Spain´s roads, it is compulsory for you to carry certain documents with you in the vehicle. The ITV Card An official document which relates to the technical inspection of the vehicle, the Inspección Técnica de Vehículos, or ITV. Once your vehicle is 4 years old it will have to undergo the mandatory ITV test. The ITV report details what happened during that inspection. Permiso de Circulacion The Permiso de Circulacion is similar to what we might refer to as the log book for a vehicle, which contains information such as the number plate, the vehicle owner and other details. There are also some documents which are not compulsory, but it is advisable that you carry them with you too. Carrying the insurance policy is NOT compulsory as the information is contained on a central computer, however, if you are involved in an incident you will need to know your policy details for the Accident Agreement. European Accident Agreement Again, it is not compulsory to carry the European Accident form, but it is advisable as it will help you ensure data is recorded correctly in the event of an incident. The forms are available in multiple languages and a laid out the same, so it also makes it easier for bridging language gaps. It is also not compulsory to carry the information relating to the annual tax paid to municipal town halls. It is mandatory though that the documents you carry are the originals, not photocopies. The only copy that is allowed is one that has been stamped and certified by a Notary. Notarised copies of documents are allowed, but that is the only exception.

Senegal, Canada, etc. You can check the list of the countries with agreements on the DGT website. In this case, the driver is fined 500 euro if there is not an agreement between both countries, and 200 euros if there is an agreement and the licence has not been changed. 2- European Drivers who must renew their licence under the new DGT instructions, if they do not do it, they will be fined 200 euro, because this licence can be changed. Therefore if you have a European Licence and you receive a 500 euro fine, you must complain to the DGT because there has been a mistake with the fine. Question 3. As a resident, can I be fined if I do not hold a Spanish driving permit? NOT in all cases. You can hold your European Driving Licence and BE A RESIDENT IF your licence is not among those that should be changed, so you can keep driving with it until it expires (see conditions above). Question 4. As a holiday maker, if I own a Spanish vehicle, can I be fined if I do not hold a Spanish driving permit? NO, you can own a house

EX-15 Solicitud de Número de Identidad de Extranjero (NIE) y Certificados (LO 4/2000 y RD 557/2011)

Espacios para sellos de registro

DATOS DEL EXTRANJERO/A

N.I.E.

Nº PASAPORTE

1er Apellido

2º Apellido Sexo (1) H

Nombre Fecha de nacimiento (2)

Lugar

Nombre del padre

Nombre de la madre Estado civil (3) S

Nacionalidad

Domicilio en España C.P.

Teléfono

PAS

Título (4)

DNI/NIE

PAS

Domicilio en España

Nº

Localidad

C.P.

Teléfono

Piso

Provincia

E-mail

Representante legal, en su caso. D/Dª

PAS

Título (4)

DNI/NIE

DOMICILIO A EFECTOS DE NOTIFICACIONES

Nombre/Razón Social

DNI/NIE

PAS

Domicilio en España

Nº

Localidad

C.P.

Teléfono móvil

Sp Piso

DATOS DEL PRESENTADOR DE LA SOLICITUD (5)

Nombre/Razón Social

Provincia

E-mail

Representante legal, en su caso. D/Dª

V Nº

Localidad

País

Piso

Provincia

E-mail

Solicito/Consiento que las comunicaciones y notificaciones se realicen por medios electrónicos(6) DATOS RELATIVOS A LA SOLICITUD

(7)

4.1. Tipo de documento (art. 206) ƒ NÚMERO DE IDENTIDAD DE EXTRANJERO (NIE)

ƒ CERTIFICADO ƒ De residente ƒ De no residente

4.2. Motivos Ƒ Por intereses económicos

Ƒ Por intereses profesionales

Ƒ Por intereses sociales

(Especificar)

4.3. Lugar de presentación Ƒ Oficina de Extranjería

Ƒ Comisaría de Policía

or a vehicle, but this does not mean you are resident. Many foreigners have a holiday house in Spain and they have a vehicle with Spanish plates which they use on their vacations here. To avoid being fined unfairly, please download the document EX-15 and fill it in. See the point 4.1 and make a cross in the option “CERTIFICADO DE NO RESIDENTE” and take it to the NATIONAL POLICE.

Ƒ Oficina Consular

Once they have legalized the document, take it with you in the car and…. PROBLEM SOLVED! If you would like to download the EX-15 “Non Resident Certificate” document, you can do so on the website, n332.es. We hope that these questions have solved all your doubts. Remember to call 060 for more enquiries. From the N332 Facebook Team

Friday 18th March 2016

RICHARD CAVENDER

BlueMoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca. BlueMoon Solutions come to you at home or work, our personal service covers from Alicante to Pilar de la Horadada.

Richard moved to Spain ten years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Margaret wanted to know how to remove ADVICE: Christine was having problems printing emails from Hotmail. Windows 10 from her computer.

Hi Richardafter many reminders I have finally succumbed and downloaded Windows 10 on our desktop computer but have to confess I am not really very impressed at the moment. We normally keep the computer on all day, even when not at home. However, with Windows 10 we have lost internet connection when we aren't using computer and have had to re-start upon our return home. Is this a normal procedure for W10 please? Ideally I would like to revert back to Windows 7, would this be possible and how could I do it?As yet I haven't been able to find a means of accessing the programmes that are installed as I could with W7. Many thanks Margaret.

Hi Margaret, no this is not normal, I suspect that you may need to update your network card drivers to stop this from happening (or something more technical), let me know if you would like to book an appointment for me to come and have a look at it

Q A

Hi Richard, how do I print off an email without the border on the left hand side? Christine

Hi Christine, usually those people who have issues with printing within www.outlook.com or www.hotmail.com are trying to print the whole page by using the print icon on the toolbar or pressing CTRL and print or by clicking File and print (you don’t detail exactly what you are doing so it’s not clear). The correct way to print from this website is to click on the message that you want to print to open it up, then click on the three dots in the menu bar (…) and choose the option to print, you will then see a new window with only your email in it allowing you to print it without any of the surrounding borders.

for you. Alternatively, if you would prefer to go back to your previous operating system then you can do this in the first month of upgrade only by selecting… 1. Start, Settings 2. Update and Security 3. Recovery 4. Go back to Windows 7

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Office: 902 906 200 Mobile: 655 044 970 Don’t forget you can follow me on Facebook www.facebook.com/bluemoonsolutionsspain/ Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es/newsletter .

Friday 18th March 2016

Business Directory FOR SALE

CHURCH SERVICES Torrevieja Christian Fellowship at Avenida de las Cortes Valencianas 68, Torrevieja 03183, all welcome to their friendly and lively 10.30 am. Service each Sunday morning. They will not be holding the Wednesday night meeting at 6.00 pm. For further information and/or directions please telephone 966700391 or visit our website on www.tcfspain.org.

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club.Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo.Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

966 921 003 thecourier.es

GARDENING SERVICES

STAFF WANTED

Monthly Pool Maintenance from 45€ per month. Monthly Garden Maintenance from 20€ per month. The SPECIALISTS in Community & Private Pools & Gardens, Irrigation Installation, Service and Repairs. Palm Tree Pruning etc.. Underwater Pool Repairs without the need to drain your pool. Call Mike on 698 384 449.

QUIZ MASTER

SITUATIONS VACANT

TUITION

RADIO COSTA MEDIA needs self-employed salesperson for Torrevieja & surrounding areas. Call 685 901 265 or email info@radiocosta.eu

Guitar lessons for beginners, as well as improvers. From 10€ per hour. Call Peter NOW on 966789612 or Mobile number 629975378.

Experienced quiz-master /question setter with personality If you would like a quiz master that is entertaining, questions that are challenging yet not too difficult and is available to host quiz nights in local bars. Tel: 664 838 581.

Finding Influential People Online Your weekly guide to maximising your business with TKO Media

These days, collecting email addresses from people isn’t easy. After enduring their fair share of spammy messages, people have become hesitant about handing their information over to just anyone. For marketers, this presents a unique challenge. When people aren't willing to open up a line of communication with you, it becomes difficult to stay in touch with them. How will you notify them when you publish new content? How will you keep your traffic numbers afloat without their support? When you're building out your online pres-

ence, having a strong email list can really help you expand your reach. However, it's not the only way to get the word out about your content. Think about it: What’s easier? Connecting with 1,000 people and getting their email individually or getting to know one influencer with 100,000 connections? Building relationships with people who already have a large network can open up a ton of growth opportunities. Wondering how to get started? I'll walk you through it. Step 1: Identify the right platform to connect with them. Influencers hang out in a ton of different online settings, however, I've found that email, Twitter, and Facebook groups have proven to be hot spots for this type of engagement. Of these options, I lean heavily on Twitter for building connections, as it works great for real-time interactions. When I see an influencer tweet something, I use the information to drive a discussion with them while their interest in the topic is still fresh. Step 2: Identify who you want to connect with. When looking for people to connect with,

keep this rule in mind: Never view someone as somebody to use, but instead someone you can help. Yes, we have goals, but if you can start by helping them, they'll be more inclined to help you. This is commonly referred to as the concept of reciprocity. And it's much easier to help one another when you have something in common. Step 3: Maintain your relationships. With Twitter, maintaining relationships isn’t that hard. In order to remain connected to the folks you just followed, you'll want to start by creating a list. To do so, simply visit a user's profile and click the gear symbol and select "Add or remove from lists..." from the menu. Then, add them to an existing list by checking the box next to it, or create a brand new one. If you're starting a new list, I ’d suggest creating the list based on their expertise, such as SEO. That way you'll know what to focus on when engaging with members from that list. Step 4: Take the relationship to the next level. You’ve been staying in front of them with Twitter, and from there you know who responds the most. Based on this information,

the next step is to turn that social conversation into an email exchange, invite, call, contract, wave of traffic, or whatever you need. To initiate this, try sending them a simple tweet telling them you have a proposal and request that they follow you to receive a DM. If that doesn't work, start by subscribing to their email list and begin engaging with their emails. If you like something they sent out, tell them. If you run into a 404 error page after clicking one of their links, let them know. If they publish something about a challenge they overcame, share a story with them about how you dealt with a similar situation. Step 5: Set a connection goal. You now know all the steps it takes to effectively engage with an influencer -- from identifying the right platform to building out the initial relationship. Now what? It's time to set a connection goal. This goal will make it easier for you to hold yourself accountable for conducting regular outreach. Personally, I try to aim for 10-20 a day. Do I always hit this number? No. But it helps me continue to make steady progress. And that's what it's all about, right?

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Business Directory

966 921 003 thecourier.es

Friday 18th March 2016

Rafa’s No Dope Rafael Nadal has said he will sue the former French government minister Roselyne Bachelot after she alleged that the Spaniard’s lengthy absence from tennis in 2012 was due to a positive doping test. “I’m going to sue her, and I’m going to sue everyone

Squalos Are Champions The San Javier Squalos women’s rugby team were crowned Murcia Federation league champions at Lorca last Saturday when they beat the Murcia University team, CUDER, 15-10 in the last of the end of season play-off matches. It was great achievement for the Squalos, as CUDER had beaten them in their two regular league encounters this season, to finish top of the table, ahead of the play-off’s. It has been a major season of progress for the Squalos especially as they’ve had to bring in many new and inexperienced players into their squad, with their efforts richly rewarded in the final and vital encounter. In the cadetes league, the local encounter between ITV Orihuela Vega Baja(pictured) and the Torrevieja Tigers saw Orihuela come up with of their best performances of the season as they beat the

because they are covering it up. It is not something that always happens, but yes it happens more than you think.” When asked about Sharapova’s failed test last week Nadal said: “I really don’t know anything about

the doping and I am a completely clean guy. I worked so much during my whole career and when I get injured, I get injured. I never take anything to get back quicker. I believe in the sport and in the values of the sport.”

Slam On The Line

Tigers, 22-10, who stay third in the division. The top of the table encounter saw leaders

Lorca travel away to squeeze out second-placed Murcia, 19-17.

Scrapped Tickets Hull City plan to replace season tickets with a membership scheme. The Championship club claim the new system could see some supporters save as much as £282. Hull will give fans the choice of three different levels of membership, with the cheapest costing £21 a month. Vice chairman Ehab Allam said: "For too long, the price of football in this country

who is going to comment on something similar in the future, because I am tired of that,” said Nadal. ‘There is a couple of times I heard comments like this … this is going to be the last one, because I’m going to sue her. “I am tired about these things. I let it go a few times in the past. Not more. A minister of France should be serious. This time is the time to go against her.” Speaking in the wake of Maria Sharapova’s revelation that she had failed a drugs test, Bachelot said: “We know that Nadal’s famous seven-month injury was without a doubt due to a positive drug test. When you see a tennis player who stops playing for long months, it is because he has tested positive and

has been much too high. This new scheme will at least ensure the same cannot be said of Hull." The cheapest season ticket cost £531, while their most expensive was £606. Their cheapest ticket is currently the costliest in the second tier of English football, but eight clubs have more expensive tickets in the top band of pricing. If the Tigers, currently fourth in the second tier, reach the

Premier League this season then some supporters will pay £13 per match next season, while remaining in the Football League will lower that figure to £11 per game. This is the first time such a scheme has been tried by a Football League club, although Barnet, then in the Conference, scrapped season tickets in favour of a monthly non-contract membership scheme in 2013.

France are plotting to put a ‘knife in the back’ of England’s Grand Slam hopes in Paris on Saturday night, after Eddie Jones’s side secured the Six Nations Championship last weekend. Heavyweight prop Uini Atonio, who weighs 24st 6lb, has outlined their intention to deny England’s first clean sweep in the Six Nations since 2003 under Sir Clive Woodward. Les Bleus have already beaten Italy and Ireland at the Stade de France and Atonio is hoping to end Eddie Jones’s winning streak and ruin the Red Rose victory parade in the French capital. ‘We want to finish on a high against an England team that haven’t lost yet,’ Atonio told the Daily Mail. ‘They’re out to win the Grand Slam and it will be a little knife in the back if we beat them, which would be good. They've got new coaches and players who are still hurting from the World Cup. In front of 80,000 people at home, it

would be satisfying to give our fans something to feel good about.’ After their back-to-back defeats by Wales and Scotland, France have slipped to fourth in the table after initially winning the first two Tests of Guy Noves’ tenure as coach. Full back Scott Spedding added: ‘It’s important for our confidence and stability that we get a result against England. We’re under no illusions of what’s awaiting

us in Paris. ‘There’s a lot of rivalry. England are coming to win the Grand Slam. We’re playing at home and the one thing we can hold on to this year is that we’re undefeated at home. ‘I'm sure it will be mentioned that we don’t want England to win it at our place. ‘But we’re not going in with a sour attitude because, as professionals, you don’t need things like that to motivate you in a Test against England.’

Sailing Association’s Fast Pursuit The Sailing Association Mar Menor (SAMM) was formed in January 2006 and its purpose is to provide a meeting point for sailors in the area, and try to help solve problems experienced in keeping and sailing boats in the Mar Menor and Mediterranean. Their membership has now passed 120 and they meet at CTD, a Spanish Sports

College, in Los Narejos. Five boats took part in the recent fourth SAMM Pursuit Race; two Sailfish, Mistral and Sirocco from the Balaton Group; two Gambas, Uno and Quatro from the Shoestring Group plus the RS Vario. In the first race Sirocco started well, but the Vario saw the opportunity, powered up and managed to

win by about three metres. In the second race, Uno had the speed, to get home ahead of the competition, whilst the best was saved for the third race, with a half-metre tight finish which saw the Vario pinch it in a exciting win over Uno. SAMM welcomes new members, both Spanish residents and local holiday home owners, of all nation-

alities. If you are interested in Sailing or Motor boats in the area, then you are welcome to come along to a monthly meeting and learn more, where visitors are made very welcome. Alternatively, if you want to join the team, please contact the Membership Secretary at email address membership@sailingmarmenor.com.

Friday 18th March 2016

Ivie Davies on Golf

Ten Top Tips For Golf Etiquette 1. DON'T BE THE SLOWEST PLAYER In my casual games, in the UK we got around in four hours – but the Greens and Tees were closer. Evaluate your pace of play honestly and often, and if you're consistently the slowest one in your group, you're a slow player, period. Encourage everyone to move quickly enough so you find yourself right behind the group in front several times, both early and late in the round. Play "ready golf" (hit when ready, even if you aren't away) until you reach the green, be prepared to play when it's your turn on the tee and green, and never search for a lost ball for more than five minutes. 2. KEEP YOUR TEMPER UNDER CONTROL Throwing clubs, sulking and shouting profanities makes everyone uneasy. We all have our moments of frustration, but the trick is to vent in an inoffensive way. For example, I often follow a bad hole by hitting the next tee shot a little harder -- for better or worse.

3. RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE'S TIME Because time is our most valuable commodity, there are few good reasons for breaking a golf date. Deciding at lastminute to clean the car or getting a call that the dentist can move up your appointment by a day, just doesn't cut it. Always make your tee times, and show up for your lesson with the pro a little early. Social functions are no exception. 4. REPAIR THE GROUND YOU PLAY ON One of those twopronged devices is fine for repairing pitch marks and know how to do it correctly. As for divots, replace them or use the seed mix if packed on the side of your buggy. Rake bunkers like you mean it. Ever notice that the worse the bunker shot, the poorer the job a guy does raking the sand? Make the area nice and smooth -don't leave deep furrows from the rake. Before you exit the bunker, ask yourself. Would I be upset if I had to play from that spot?

5. BE A SILENT PARTNER I have noticed players making practice swings in another player’s field of vision as I was getting ready to hit a shot. I stopped, and reminded him it was my turn to play. The point is, stand still from the time a player sets himself until the ball has left the club. Even with the advent of spikeless shoes, the etiquette rule of never walking in someone's line of play on the putting green is an absolute. The area around the hole in particular is sacred ground. The first thing to note when you walk onto a green is the location of every ball in your group, then steer clear of their lines to the hole. Know where to stand and when to keep quiet. Position yourself directly across or at a diagonal from a player setting up. Never stand on the line of play, either beyond the hole or directly behind the ball. When a player is about to hit a shot, think of the fairway as a cathedral and, the green as a library.

6. MAKE YOUR GOLF CART 'INVISIBLE' Buggies are very much a part of the modern game. Think about it: They're mentioned on the backs of scorecards, discussed in the Decisions on the Rules of Golf, bags and other items are designed specifically for them, and they're used at most courses. The sheer popularity of them makes buggy etiquette vitally important. Your aim when driving a buggy should be to leave no trace you were there. Because we tend to look where we're going and not where we've been, it's easy to damage the turf and not realise it. Avoid wet areas and spots that are getting beaten up from traffic. Golfers tend to play "follow the leader" and drive in single file out to the fairway before branching off. It's usually better to "scatter" -everyone take a different route -- so buggy traffic is spread out. Do not leave at the entrance to the green – Leave it at the exit. 7. ALWAYS LOOK YOUR BEST

The best players in the world have been meticulous about their appearance. Their clothing has been sharp, and not one of them has shown up on the first tee with his cap backward, mud caked on his shoes, or his shirt-tail hanging out. Your appearance speaks volumes about you as a person, and the neatly appointed golfer, like a businessman, gives the impression he thinks the golf course and the people there are special 8. TURN OFF THE MOBILE PHONE I know enough to recognise a phone when it rings in my backswing. If I had my way, mobile phones would be turned off at all times on the course, but most clubs have given in to the fact that people are going to use them. I don't know all the gadgets and settings on those phones, but do whatever you have to do to keep it quiet. And if you absolutely have to make a call, move away from the other players. And keep the call so brief that they don't even know you made it.

9. LEND A HAND WHEN YOU CAN It's easy to help out your fellow players, if you just pay attention. One obvious way is looking for lost balls -- better yet, watching errant shots so they don't turn into lost balls. Pick up that extra club left on the fringe or the head cover dropped next to the tee, and return it to its owner after saying, "Nice shot!" And if you see a buggy out of position or a provisional ball that needs picking up, don't just walk by. 10. LEARN THE LITTLE THINGS There are a hundred bits of etiquette I haven't mentioned, like laying the flagstick down carefully, tamping down spike marks when you're walking OFF a green, letting faster groups play through, and so on. All of these things are learned by observing, with a sharp eye and a considerate heart. Just know that golf has a way of returning favours, and every piece of etiquette you practice will be repaid tenfold.

TITTER ON THE TEE A man and his wife moved back to Spain, from England. She had a wooden leg and to insure back home was two thousand pounds a year. When they arrived on the Costa Blanca, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg. The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '39 euros.' The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Spain to insure, because it cost him two thousand pounds. The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: “Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is 39 euros”.

The Courier Sport

Friday 18th March 2016

Torry Hit Top Form CD TORREVIEJA 4 ELCHE ILICITANO 2

Barclays Premier League Saturday 19 March 13:45 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 18:30

Everton v Arsenal Chelsea v West Ham United Crystal Palace v Leicester City Watford v Stoke City West Bromwich Albion v Norwich City Swansea City v Aston Villa

Sunday 20 March

14:30 Newcastle United v Sunderland 14:30 Southampton v Liverpool 17:00 Manchester City v Manchester United 17:00 Tottenham Hotspur v Bournemouth

Sky Bet Championship Friday 18 March

20:45 Middlesbrough v Hull City

Saturday 19 March

After two successive three-nil away defeats that realistically extinguished Torry’s faint chances of a play-off spot, the team turned on their best display of the season in front of their home fans against a side with hopes of direct promotion, let alone a playoff place. It was an excellent effort from a Torrevieja side that was very positive and again made supporters wonder what might have been but for a dreadful autumn. As it is, they were left with a final quarter of the match last Sunday at the Vicente Garcia stadium that would be talked about for a long time. Torry scored in the seventh minute when Lewis Allen was felled outside the box and Rafa Gomez delivered a cross which was met perfectly by Quintero to poke home despite the attentions of Juanma in the

Ilicitano goal. The game was already lively with Torry taking command and raiding down both flanks with gay abandon. Allen was sharp and former Torry man Ruben simply could not contain him as the diminuitive striker flashed a header wide of the post, and then overran the ball when closing in on goal with just Juanma to beat. Elche were second best, though the division's top scorer, Nuha, always looked like he could cause problems. With half an hour to go, Kaná justly got his second caution and Ilicitano were going to have to play the final hour of the game a man down. They adjusted well, but Torry continued to dominate with Burguillos the master in midfield, whilst the visitors struggled to get a toe hold in the game, fighting hard, but accumulating a total of eight cau-

tions in the process. Vicente suffered a first half foot injury and was replaced at the start of the second period by Suarez, but on the hour mark, Torry allowed Nuha to rise highest from a corner and deftly flick his header into the far corner of the net for an equaliser. It was his nineteenth goal of the season and illustrated Torry's vulnerability from set pieces. Torry continued to torment their opponents with varied attacks but on the counter attack substitute Rubio out-battled Luis Carlos and rammed the ball past Miguel to put the visitors ahead. In four minutes it had all turned in Elche’s favour, and a third straight defeat was on the cards. Torry did not panic, especially as they were still creating excellent openings. Prieto came on with a quarter of the game remaining and Sanchez was intro-

duced on 72 minutes. Both added a further element of urgency to attacks and Elche were under constant bombardment. It was Rafa who curled a left-footed low drive into the corner of the net to level things up in the 76th minute, and then just one minute later Ruben Suarez smashed home from close quarters after a beautifully executed move. It wasn't over yet, as Torry were awarded a free kick outside the box. Suarez and Prieto lined up either side of the ball. Then as Suarez jumped over it, Prieto followed behind to guide the ball into the far right hand corner of the net to give the home side their fourth goal, and the most entertaining win of the season. Torry face another tough test as they go to third-placed Castellon in the north of the Valencia region, with a noon kick-off this Sunday.

Better From Monte ATL BENEJUZAR 0 CD MONTESINOS 2

After a poor home performance the previous weekend, Montesinos returned to winning ways last Saturday evening at a cold Benejuzar as they genuinely outclassed a team that has little to play for this season. Such was the first half dominance that Monte deserved to have netted four goals at the

interval, but they had to settle for just two. As the sun was about to set, a Mario free kick after just five minutes screamed low and hard to beat the home keeper as the visitors got the earlier lead, and from then on it was oneway traffic as Monte forced a whole series of corners. They didn’t double their

advantage though until the fifth minute of added time, thanks to a comical cockup. The Benejuzar goalkeeper attempted a goalkick, but just couldn't make up his mind what to do. He put the ball on the floor, intending to pass to a player on the edge of his area, on his right. He then changed his mind and

moved the ball to the left side of his goal area and passed it to a nearby player, who promptly passed it back to the dithering keeper. Josema though was prowling in the vicinity, and he intercepted the ball, and dribbled past the ashenfaced goalie to score from about half a metre to provide a major talking point at the interval, just seconds later. Chances for Monte continued in the second half, as their defenders barely broke sweat, though the home side did show a bit more mettle. Somewhat surprisingly, Montesinos could not add to their tally, but the overall performance was miles better than in the home flop against Callosa. Monte are fifth in the table and entertain struggling Formentera CF this Sunday afternoon with a 4.30 pm kick-off.

13:30 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00

Derby County v Nottingham Forest Birmingham City v Fulham Brentford v Blackburn Rovers Bristol City v Bolton Wanderers Burnley v Wolverhampton Wanderers Ipswich Town v Rotherham United Leeds United v Huddersfield Town MK Dons v Brighton and Hove Albion Preston North End v Queens Park Rangers Reading v Cardiff City Sheffield Wednesday v Charlton Athletic

Scottish Premiership Saturday 19 March 13:30 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00

Kilmarnock v Celtic Hamilton Academical v Partick Thistle Heart of Midlothian v St. Johnstone Motherwell v Aberdeen Ross County v Inverness Caledonian Thistle

Sunday 20 March 13:30 Dundee United v Dundee

Spanish La Liga Friday 18 March 20:30 Getafe v Eibar

Saturday 19 March 16:00 18:10 18:10 20:30 22:05

Sporting de Gijón v Atlético de Madrid Granada CF v Rayo Vallecano Real Sociedad v Las Palmas Deportivo de La Coruña v Levante v Real Betis v Málaga

Sunday 20 March 12:00 16:00 18:10 20:30

Espanyol v Athletic Club Villarreal v Barcelona Valencia CF v Celta de Vigo Real Madrid v Sevilla

Internationals Wednesday 23 March 18:00 18:00 20:00 20:00 20:45

Croatia v IIsrael Slovenia v Macedonia Gibraltar v Liechtenstein Romania v Lithuania Poland v Serbia

Thursday 24 March 15:00 Malta v Moldova 18:00 Estonia v Norway 18:00 Greece v Montenegro 20:00 Denmark v Iceland 20:00 Ukraine v Cyprus 20:45 Czech Republic v Scotland 20:45 Italy v Spain 20:45 Turkey v Sweden 20:45 Wales v Northern Ireland

Friday 18th March 2016

Six Of The Best BARCELONA 6 GETAFE 0

Barcelona head coach Luis Enrique said he was delighted with his side’s form, after they thrashed Getafe last Saturday. "This is a unique team, different to the rest and which does things that make it seem like there is nothing the opponent can do," said Enrique. Lionel Messi scored, set up three for the first time in a La Liga game and could even afford to miss a penalty as Luis Enrique's men opened up an 12 point lead over nearest rivals Atletico Madrid in the title race with just nine games remaining. Neymar struck twice, while Munir El Haddadi, Arda Turan and an own goal from Juan Rodriguez completed the rout, with Barca away to Villarreal this Sunday.

Unhappy Zidane

LAS PALMAS 1 REAL MADRID 2 Real Madrid manager Zinedine Zidane admitted he is concerned by his side's form after squeezing past Las Palmas on Sunday thanks to Casemiro's injurytime winner. Zidane's men were outplayed by Las Palmas for large spells on their first visit to the Canary Islands in 15 years, but made the hosts pay for poor marking at set-pieces as Sergio Ramos and Casemiro both netted from corners. Victory closed the gap on La Liga leaders Barcelona to 12 points, but with only nine games to play, Madrid's remaining realistic hope of a trophy this season is the Champions League. “We gave the ball away an incredible amount of times and if we want to achieve anything this season we have to play better, that's clear”, fumed Zidane. "We won't get anywhere playing like this." Real entertain Sevilla this Sunday evening.

At The Double MIRANDES 1 ELCHE 2 Two goals within seven mid-second half minutes from the Segunda division’s top scorer, Sergio León, earned 10-man Elche a famous win at fellow play-off chasing side Mirandés on Saturday. After some mediocre results and performances that cast serious doubt on the Ilicitanos being in contention for a shot at the play-off’s, the team grabbed all three points at a team above them in the table, and a result that puts them back into the mix. Elche were positive right from the start creating good opportunities in the first half and looked the more dangerous of the sides, with León hitting the crossbar, and then had a goal disallowed for offside. Mirandés though took the lead before the break as a Kijera shot was deflected by an Elche defender into his own net. Things got worse for the Ilicitanos early in the second half as Noblejas got his marching orders for a second caution just eight minutes into the action, but then Sergio León struck twice with unstoppable shots from the edge of the penalty area to stun the home side, and to record a famous victory, which was thoroughly deserved. Elche’s critics will say that they’ve struggled against poorer opposition this season, and they have the chance to set that record straight this Saturday evening when old rivals in the shape of relegationhaunted Almeria roll up to the Manuel Martínez Valero stadium.

Barca’s Easy Progress

The Courier Sport

SUAREZ

BARCELONA 3 ARSENAL 1 (agg 5-1)

O O T Y L P SIM Holders Barcelona eased into the quarter-finals of the Champions League with their second-leg victory over Arsenal at a rainy Nou Camp on Wednesday. Leading 2-0 from the first leg, Lionel Messi forced David Ospina into a stunning save from close range, before Neymar slotted home a low finish. Mohamed Elneny lashed in for Arsenal in the second half but Luis Suarez struck a brilliant volley for Barcelona. Danny Welbeck hit the woodwork before Messi chipped in a sublime third.

Derby County Appoint Redknapp Former Tottenham and West Ham manager Harry Redknapp has joined Derby County as a football advisor. The 69-year-old will work alongside head coach Darren Wassall until the end of the season, when a review of the club's coaching structure will occur. Derby sacked previous head coach Paul Clement in February and appointed Wassall until the end of the season. The Rams are fifth in the Championship, seven points adrift of an automatic promotion place. Redknapp, who has been out of work since leaving QPR in January 2015, told the club website: "From the first conversation I had with the chairman (Mel Morris) it was clear he has exciting plans for the football club. "I am delighted to be able to help out and am looking forward to working with Darren and his team."

Tough Call Former Manchester United defender Nemanja Vidic believes the club will have a tough choice to make between Jose Mourinho and Ryan Giggs if they decide to replace Louis van Gaal as manager. Van Gaal is contracted until the end of 2016/17 but has come under pressure during a disappointing season at Old Trafford. United legend Giggs and ex-Chelsea and Real Madrid manager Mourinho have emerged as two of the frontrunners to take charge if and when the 64year-old Dutchman leaves. Speaking exclusively to the BBC at his home in Milan, in his first interview since retiring, Vidic says former team-mate Giggs understands the workings of United after nearly three decades at the club, but rates Mourinho as one of the game's best ever managers. "I like the idea of Giggsy, but Mourinho has had success in the past," the 34-year-old said. "It's a hard choice. Is Giggsy ready or not? He knows. The club knows. I believe they will have an honest conversation. "I want someone who knows the club and does the best for the club. I shared a dressing room with him. I know he will do that. "Mourinho plays football in a certain way, that is well known, but I definitely respect Mourinho as a manager. He is one of the greatest ever, along with Pep Guardiola and Sir Alex Ferguson."

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Fifa Pursuing Fifa wants to reclaim "tens of millions of dollars" taken illegally by its members and other organisations. It also says corrupt officials who served on its former executive committee were guilty of selling their votes in World Cup bidding contests. Former officials Chuck Blazer, Jack Warner and Jeffrey Webb are among those being sued by Fifa, which has submitted documents to US authorities. In total, 41 individuals and entities have been charged in the States. Fifa estimates millions of dollars were diverted from the sport illegally through bribery, kickbacks and corrupt schemes carried out by the defendants. World football's governing body has been in turmoil since May 2015, when a US investigation exposed widespread corruption at the top of the organisation.

John McGregor on Sport

Friday 18th March 2016

OVER AND OUT! BARCELONA 3- 1 ARSENAL (5- 1 AGG)

T O H S L A ARSEN Y B N W O D

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The Latest Sport Headlines FORMULA 1 Lewis Hamilton believes Ferrari will provide a tougher challenge to Mercedes than expected at the season-opening Australian Grand Prix. SWIMMING Russia's Yuliya Efimova has been temporarily suspended after testing positive for meldonium.

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! R E N N U ST London Lament!

with a outragous volley, to make it 2 - 0 at the Nou Camp.

'Tens Of Millions'

Now it is attempting to fight back, describing itself as a "victimised institution". New Fifa president Gianni Infantino, elected in February, also claimed corrupt officials had "abused positions of trust". He added: "They caused serious and lasting damage to Fifa, its member associations and the football community. "The monies they pocketed belonged to global football and were meant for the development and promotion of the game. "Fifa as the world governing body of football wants that money back and we are determined to get it no matter how long it takes." Once the money had been recovered, Infantino said it would be directed back to its original purpose of benefitting and developing international football. Infantino, 45, was elected as Fifa chief last month, replacing Sepp Blatter, who had been in charge of the governing body since 1998.

With Arsenal suffering the same double whammy as fellow Capital losers Chelsea, dumped out of both FA Cup and Champions League in the same week, silver prospecting this season is looking bleak in the Smoke. Spurs are the clingers-on with lingering hopes of Prem glory should lively Leicester lose the plot, but this could be a ‘nearly-butnot’ year down the Lane . At those nasty neighbours over at the Emirates, the Arsene-out vultures are circling once more, following the Gunners’ latest European defeat, bowing out to mighty Barcelona. Hey, no disgrace there, grim Gooners, but crashing

out the FA Cup to upstart local yokels, and Prem newbies Watford was poor. Arsenal have won the Cup for the last two years and must have held lurid dreams of the triple. Sure, I know lads, the Gunners are still third, but this hugely-disappointing season has ‘also-rans’ plastered all over it. When it’s over will he Wenger away? Hmm… doubtful. Over in the west of the Capital Chelsea appear to have Conte- nued their quest for Mourinho-type success (ah, remember last season, Blues Boys?), as hotfoot from Rome arrives the news that the Italian national team manager Antonio Conte has resigned. That

move has fuelled speculation the experienced 46 year-old will arrive at Stamford Bridge in the close season. Cautionary note, Signor Toni: how many managers has Abramovich gone through now? (answers on a postcard). How long will this one get, the Red Roman Ruler has a notoriously itchy trigger finger, and oodles of roubles – a dangerous combination… Oi, mate, don’t forget the FA Cup though! Londoners are still there, indeed Crystal Palace and Watford meet in the semifinal on April 23rd. That at least will ensure some capital representation in the Cup Final at Wembley in May.

RUGBY England prop Joe Marler will receive no punishment for his "Gypsy boy" comment to Wales prop Samson Lee, Six Nations organisers say. CRICKET Pakistan's Javeria Khan remains under observation after being struck on the jaw during Wednesday's Women's World Twenty20 game against West Indies. FOOTBALL Inter Milan boss Roberto Mancini rules himself out of the running for the Italian national team managerial position after Antonio Conte said he would step down after Euro 2016. GOLF The PGA of America is ending its Grand Slam of Golf, the annual tournament featuring the year's major champions TENNIS Judy Murray has stepped down as Great Britain's Fed Cup captain after five years in the role. The Lawn Tennis Association confirmed February's promotion play-off defeat by Belgium was her last match in charge.

Supplied by BBC

FOXES SCENT

SUCCESS

Fantastic FOXES!

ENGLAND CALL UP

Danny Care and Mako Vunipola will start for England as they attempt to secure their first Grand Slam title since 2003 by beating France in Paris on Saturday. Scrum-half Care and loose-head prop Vunipola replace Ben Youngs and Joe Marler respectively. Youngs and Marler are on the bench for England.

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Newcastle v Sunderland is always one of those fierce fixtures that excites even those neutrals outside the passionate North-East catchment area but this season with both around the Dreaded Drop Department, this match has everything. Newcastle are second-bottom, having at last sacked manager Steve McClaren (no surprise there, why not before?) and desperately appointed much-travelled Rafa Benitez in a late attempt to stay up - Too(n) late? Sunday will give us a good idea as sound, savvy, saviour Sam Allardyce is slowly but surely squeezing Sunderland up and away to salvation. But currently there’s only one point in it, and IF Newcastle could pull off a barnstorming win in their own huge, packed, partisan stadium, well…who knows?. At the same time Southampton entertain Liverpool, good game as seventh meet eighth with both teams craving points for the final run in.

n I r e t a w k in r D England Squad A solid win over Newcastle on Monday kept Leicester on course for winning the Premier League, maintaining a firm five points lead over Spurs in second - and eleven clear of Arsenal who are in third spot, and twelve points in front of once-mighty Man City in fourth. With eight games to go, one of the unlikeliest Premier League triumphs of all time is set to happen, and boy, do Leicester deserve it. This Saturday the team from the King stadium fittingly visit a Palace, the Crystal one in south London who are euphoric themselves over reaching the FA Cup semi-finals. But the Eagles are on a poor run in the Prem, – so it looks like another Leicester win - but you never know in football. Meanwhile congrats to Foxes midfielder Danny Drinkwater who has been named in the England squad for the Euro 2016 warm-up games against Germany and the Netherlands. It is the 26-year-old's first call-up to the senior national team. Like Palace, Everton are through to the FA Cup semis, courtesy of that man Lukaku again. The Toffees’ twogoal hero sweetly saw off his old club Chelsea while the opposition’s striker, dirty Diego Costa once more competed for the headlines, but for the wrong reasons. Now out of Europe and the FA Cup (see over), the London

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Blues won’t have much incentive to beat West Ham on Saturday, with the happy Hammers almost beating Man United last weekend in their sixth round Cup match. The winners of that replay will play ecstatic Everton, who take on Arsenal on Saturday. The Gunners? Well, noone gave Arsenal a prayer against Barcelona, and so it proved at 3 -1 in Catalunya, which means their season looks to be over – and it’s only mid-March (see over). Watford v Stoke – apart from delirious delight in knocking holders Arsenal out of the FA Cup, the Hornets have lost a little of their league sting of late: but sitting safely in 14th .place after a mammoth effort in their first season back in the Prem is a terrific performance. Visitors Stoke are doing better up in ninth, and Mark Hughes’ boys are also having a great season. West Brom look well safe with 39 points and as such could perhaps complacently represent a sneaky points opportunity for Norwich: the East Anglians are firmly locked into the ‘three from four’ relegation zone. Getting anything at the Hawthorns would help the Canaries’ cause considerably. On Saturday evening, doomed Aston Villa to take on a reviving Swansea, the Swans are steady after some dodgy months.

REDKNAPP TO JORDAN

Harry Redknapp has been appointed manager of the Jordan national team for their next two games. Redknapp, 69, will take charge of World Cup qualifiers against Bangladesh and Australia later this month. He will combine his international duties with the advisory role at Derby county (more on page 46).

O T D A E H HEAD Both City and United have had a tough time of late, though City are still fourth and following Tuesday’s goalless draw with Dynamo Kiev, are through to the quarter-finals of the Champions League, as England’s sole representative. That grants the Blue corner of Manchester the bragging rights of the City, and Sunday’s colossal clash is at the Etihad. But you can never predict derbies, United are still sixth, and LvG’s guys have a lot to do before this tumultuous season ends - which will surely see the end of lofty Louis. Also on Sunday over at White Hart Lane, Spurs just must beat Bournemouth to hang onto Leicester’s coat tails. After a difficult European venture the pressure is definitely showing on Spurs. No doubt though opponents Bournemouth will be up for it, with the Cherries enjoying a fabulous first season in the hallowed heights of the Prem. Eddie Howe’s heroes are safe and sound in 13th place around the respectable Evertons and West Broms of the Prem – and a huge 13 points over strugglers Sunderland and Norwich.

THE COURIER No.1 for SPORT! All the action p 44-47