The Courier Edition 264

Edition 264

www.thecourier.es

Thursday 24th March 2016

SPAIN KEEPS WATCH

ALEX TRELINSKI

F

our Spaniards were amongst those injured following the terrorist bomb blasts at Brussels' Zaventem airport and Maalbeek metro station on Tuesday. Spain has decided to maintain its terror risk alert at level 4 – out of five levels – as it has been since last June following simultaneous attacks in Paris, Tunisia and Kuwait.

34 people died in the attacks with the suicide bombers at the two locations being brothers Khalid and Brahim el-Bakraoui. The socalled Islamic State (IS) has claimed that it was behind the attacks and warned that

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more would follow.

Spain's interior minister Jorge Fernández Díaz says security measures will be 'reinforced' and 'increased' at

all Spain's airports. No flights to Brussels took off from anywhere in Spain yesterday with two services being cancelled from Alicante-Elche

airport, whilst Ryanair transferred their Brussels flights to Charleroi, south 50 kilometres south of the Belgian capital.

MISERABLE START

three-day French air traffic controllers strike over the weekend and Monday left British and Irish travellers high and dry as their plans to start the Easter holiday break in Spain were torn into tatters, with those hoping to return back to the British Isles similarly affected. Hundreds of flights to

and from Spain were hit including a string of cancellations involving AlicanteElche and San Javier, with the Murcia facility only just launching their extended programme of services for the holiday season.

Easyjet and Ryanair bosses have called on the European Commission to outlaw strike action by con-

trollers which they say is deliberately hitting their companies and travellers at crucial travel times, when their dispute is nothing to do with them.

Easyjet and Ryanair flights to and from Spain, along with those from other carriers were badly hit through till late Monday evening, with some services

having to be cancelled altogether, as new routes had to be mapped that avoided French airspace. 12 flights to and from Alicante-Elche airport were cancelled on Monday alone,with another 27 suffering delays of up to two hours. Six Ryanair flights were scrapped involving San Javier airport on Monday.

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Thursday 24th March 2016

Your Bigger, Bolder, Brighter Courier

The Easter Egg Hunt is On

Tragic Return

Telephone 966 921 003

Email office@thecourier.es

Website www.thecourier.es

Head Office Av. De La Mancha 29B Aguas Nuevas 03183 Torrevieja

Opening Hours Mon - Fri 10.30 - 16.00

Editor Alex Trelinski

Production Editors Nicola Cross & Mark Nolan

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Advertising Sales 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es

Sally Los Alcazares, Tel. 618 391 491

Myra Torrevieja & North Tel. 618 583 765

To keep you busy over the Easter break, we have our Great Big Easter Egg Hunt in The Courier this week.

We have hidden a number of tiny Easter eggs throughout The Courier this week, all you have to do for a chance of winning some great prizes is find 10 of them.

We´ll give you a clue though, all of our Easter eggs are hidden on adverts and it´s many of those advertisers who have donated prizes. We will also give you some clues on TKO Radio next week, so make sure you keep hold of this week´s paper and tune your radio to 90.8 or 91.9fm for those clues throughout the day.

So, “what´s up for grabs?” we hear you shout. We have

great prizes lika a free health consultation, a kettle, 6 sausages and 6 hamburgers, nutritional supplements, a three-course meal, a gourmet burger, free computer health check, a FREE android TV box and others, plus some special discount vouchers.

Obviously, we can´t give too much away about the prizes this week as it would spoil the surprise, but next week in The Courier we will reveal more.

So get hunting and find those adverts. Remember, the eggs you are looking for are very small, but when you find 10, email your answers to win@thecourier.es, before lunchtime on Wednesday, to be in with a chance of winning one of those superb prizes.

Nicer Palmeral

Jean Orihuela Costa Tel. 618 898 034

ing 61 passengers, mostly Erasmus year-out students from elsewhere in Europe, after a visit to Valencia to see its famous Fallas festival. The death toll is the same as for a tragedy in Murcia in November 2014, when a bus returning to Bullas went off the road after a pilgrimage day trip.

Last Sunday's crash saw the driver lose control on a blind bend at Freginals (Tarragona province) at around 6.00 am, The coach swerved, hitting the central reservation and turning full

circle into the opposite carriageway before overturning. The bus is said to have hit another car, the two occupants of which were injured, and was facing the opposite direction when the wreckage was found.

As is standard procedure in the event of an accident, the driver was immediately breathalysed and drugtested, but was found to be negative. Reports suggest that the driver fell asleep at the wheel, and that he’s to be charged with 13 counts of reckless homicide.

Beach Patrols Orihuela Costa's beaches have been covered by lifeguards since Saturday, after the council brought in the previous contract holder, Ambuibérica SL, to provide an Easter service through to this Monday.

The temporary cover award appeared after Orihuela council failed to get a new permanent rescue and safety contract in

time for the start of the Easter tourist season across the 11 local beaches. Lifeguards are in attendance between 10 am and 6 pm.

The Courier reported last week that the two year permanent contract will be re-advertised after nobody bid for it, with councillors suggesting that applicants may have been put off by

the demands concerning better disabled access and the mandatory availability of defibrillators at all of the beaches, with all staff trained in their use.

There's no news as yet as to whether the 420 thousand euro tender will be amended to encourage greater interest amongst potential franchise holders.

No Hooting Matter

Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel. 685 901 265

Writers Alex Trelinski Mark Nolan Jeanette Erath Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor Ivie Davies Nicola Cross

Students from six countries were among 13 people killed when a coach swerved off the AP-7 motorway in Catalunya and crashed on Sunday morning. The fatalities were women between the ages of 19 and 25 and included seven from Italy, two Germans, and one each from France, Romania, Uzbekistan and Austria.

Six people were described as being in a serious condition, with one critical.

The bus was heading back to Barcelona after tak-

Santa Pola's open air El Palmeral stage is set for a makeover in the next few months with new ramps to be installed to make it easier to load and unload stage

gear as well as doubling the capacity at the venue to around two and a half thousand. More toilets and better disabled provision is also planned.

The Guardia Civil's environment team, Seprona, are investigating complaints that ten hectares of woodland was cleared illegally in the Cabezo de La Mina area of San Miguel de Salinas, thereby endangering eagle owl nesting areas. In January, The

Courier reported that the local council and the Guardia Civil were called in by the San Miguel Arcángel neighbourhood association and the Asociación de Amigos de Escalona after unauthorised work started in an area that is important for

owl nesting area as well being the home for some rare flora and fauna in addition to being an Iberian archaeological site.

The contractor involved started the project despite going to the town hall and being told beforehand that he needed a license.

Publication Published by TKO Media and Entertainment S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 188 - 2014 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for any readers letters or claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features. Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or nonappearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

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Thursday 24th March 2016

It’s In The Post!

Weekly Date Brazil's President Dilma Rousseff said on Tuesday she will not resign under any circumstances and equated a bid to impeach her to a "coup d'etat" against democratic rule because she had committed no crime.

Two British men aged in their mid-forties have been arrested by the Guardia Civil in the Murcia for growing and distributing marijuana, most of which was being posted to the United Kingdom. Along with a 23-year old Spaniard, they operated out of Cehegín, and their operation was rumbled when some of their-British bound padded envelopes stank of marijuana, alert-

ing the nostrils of postal workers at the Caravaca sorting office.

A Cehegín finca was hired by the two Brits and housed nine illegal druggrowing greenhouses, with the Guardia seizing two kilos of drugs in a raid as well as over 700 euros in cash; two computers; and three vehicles.

Once the Caravaca post office alerted the authorities, the Guardia

started their operation as they intercepted 44 drugfilled mailings destined for non-Spanish addresses, though there was no helpful return address on them, whilst the British senders were using different postal boxes across Cehegín and Caravaca. Eventually the gang were tracked down as the Guardia investigation was appropriately codenamed:- 'Acolchado Padding'.

Simply Awful

The Lo Pagán neighbourhood association staged their second protest last Saturday to complain about the state of Villananitos beach. Antonio Ros of the association says that parts of

the beach has built up with silt after floods a few years ago and the association will protest every Saturday until action is taken by the Murcia government and San Pedro del Pinatar council.

What A Bargain The cheapest city for domestic property rentals is Elche whilst Barcelona is the most expensive in Spain according to a TecniTasa survey. The figures showed that on average, one hun-

dred square metres would cost just over two and a half thousand euro per month in Barcelona, whilst one in the Carrus area of Elche would come in at the princely sum of 180 euros!

The Supreme Court has ordered Corvera Airport’s previous management company, Aeromur, to hand over the keys to the building, after Murcia government officials were turned away

from the facility last week, despite court rulings confirming that the contract with the company was justifiably scrapped in 2013. The Court has also authorised the use of force if necessary.

Court Order

All At Sea

'It's up to you,' Obama tells Cubans; urging political, economic reforms.

The United States hopes to talk with China and address its concerns about the possible deployment of the THAAD missile defence system to South Korea.

'Captain' accused in deadly Med migrant shipwreck just a passenger: lawyer.

Hamas staged major military exercises Tuesday to test its readiness in the event of another Israeli offensive on the Gaza Strip.

Niger's President Mahamadou Issoufou secured 92 percent of the vote in a controversial runoff ballot boycotted by the opposition, according to official results.

A French appeals court has overturned a landmark decision to recognise a third gender for a person born with both male and female genitalia.

Two Spaniards, who kept 15 dogs locked up in terrible conditions on a Villajoyosa farm, have been arrested by the Guardia Civil. They've been charged with animal neglect and mistreatment after officers discovered

four greyhounds one of whom was a female who had recently given birth to eleven puppies, three of which subsequently died after the Guardia raid.

The dogs were kept in two locked rooms and

lacked any food or water, and were surrounded by their excrement and rubbish. They were taken for treatment to a vet before arrangements were made for them to be looked after by an animal shelter.

Rubbish Row The body that looks after the River Segura has threatened Guardamar council with a 10 thousand euro fine for not doing their job in keeping the mouth of the river free of

rubbish.

The Confederación Hidrográfica del Segura (CHS) issued the warning with Guardamar's mayor, José Luis Sáez, saying that he was surprised by

the CHS move as he didn't believe it was the council's responsibility. Both parties are set to meet to discuss the state of the Segura and how to move it forward.

Eight tons of hashish with a street value estimated to be around 10 million euros was seized at a sea after a raid off the Cartagena coast on Sunday lunchtime. The Marbella-based boat was

said to be heading for Malta as Tax Agency and police officers swooped some 90 miles south of Cartagena, arresting the crew of two Spaniards, a Bolivian, and a Moroccan.

Suitcase Reveal

A 43-year-old Moroccan man has been arrested on public health charges after Elche police officers stopped his vehicle in the

Avenida de Novelda area of the city. A search of his car uncovered a suitcase in the boot with 21 kilos of hasish in it.

A Russian court on Tuesday sentenced Ukrainian military pilot Nadiya Savchenko to 22 years in prison over the killing of two journalists.

Iran-backed rebels have shot dead a cameraman who was covering clashes in Yemen.

Israeli police arrested 1,200 Palestinian workers without permits, under a crackdown aimed at helping to quell a five-month wave of violence.

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Passed On

Thursday 24th March 2016

Cough Up

A young Moroccan man was detained by Rafal’s local police last Friday after he was suspected of committing a robbery in the town.

When he was taken to the police station, officers discovered that he was wanted on a national arrest warrant and had committed thefts in the past. He was subsequently transferred to the custody of the Guardia Civil in Callosa de Segura.

Lights Out

Over 300 municipalities in Spain, including Torrevieja for the very first time, joined in with Saturday's annual Planet Hour, where lights were switched off for an hour in the evening, 178 countries joined in this year in the global switch-off organised by the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) to raise awareness of climate change and the need to protect the environment. Major monuments across Spain were plunged into darkness, including the Mosque in Córdoba and its neighbouring Roman bridge; as well as Madrid's Puerta de Alcalá.

Dutch Plotter A 79-year old Dutchman who got a payout for a car that he lied about being stolen, has been arrested by the National Police in Altea, after getting over 20 thousand euros from his insurance company. The ruse initially worked but backfired when police at Alicante-Elche airport discovered a car with false Spanish number plates on it, with investigations showing that it ought to have had foreign plates instead.

They then tracked the Dutch owner down, who had reported his vehicle stolen in Benidorm and got his insurance windfall, whilst in fact he had it at the airport car park.

His insurers have taken ownership of the Peugeot 508 vehicle, whilst the man is facing fraud charges.

Barcelona star, Neymar has been found guilty of tax fraud in his native Brazil and ordered to pay nearly 46 million euros in back taxes and fines. A Rio court said he had failed to report earnings from contracts with Barcelona; sportswear company Nike; and his former club Santos.

According to the judge,

Neymar used his businesses to avoid paying over 56 million euros between 2012 and 2014 and created false contracts to avoid paying his full share of tax The Brazilian star, who is also under investigation in Spain over his transfer from Santos to Barcelona, can appeal the decision.

Big Refugee Demo

Kept On Hold

A Murcia pensioner was hit with a fifteen-hundred euro phone bill after making a 56-hour-long premium rate call in the hope she could get her depressed son a job. Widow Maria Dolores, 68, phoned the number after seeing a TV ad offering job advice and spent most of the next two and a half days drinking coffee and Coca-Cola to keep her awake.

She is said to have become 'obsessed' with the idea she could get a job for her depressed 36-year-old son if she stayed on the phone. The first names of the pensioner, who lives in a village in the Murcia region, were made public

but her surname kept private to protect her identity.

Juana Perez, president of the consumer group Thader Consumo, revealed details of the case during a radio interview with Cadena Sur last week. Mrs Perez said: - 'They kept her waiting on the telephone 56 hours with premium rate charges. They told her that if she hung up the call would be cancelled and they didn't know if they were going to be able to help her or not and find a job for her son.'

'They played her music from time to time; they spoke to her and asked her for information. There were times when she started

drifting off to sleep but the worry of being cut off kept her awake. She was warned that if she interrupted the call there was no way it could be restarted where she'd left it until she reached a point where she had a panic attack and hung up. She came to see us when she got the bill through the following month with a warning she'd be cut off if she didn't pay.'

Mrs Perez said that although the consumer group managed to get the bill cut because the widow was not informed at the start of the call it was a premium-rate number, she was still asked to pay 400 euros in instalments.

Expensive Exposure

Several thousand people took part in protest on Saturday in Barcelona to protest against what they say is Europe's "racist and uncaring" approach to migrants. The demonstration, organised by the Stop Mare Nostrum and Prou Racisme groups, marched toward a meeting point next to the Mediterranean Sea "where so many migrants

are perishing," spokesman Toni Borrell said.

Many of the participants carried banners saying "Refugees Welcome" and paid homage to migrants who died at sea, Borrell said most Europeans "have at one time in history been migrants" and Saturday's protest was aimed at pressing politicians to take accept more refugees.

A team of civil protection volunteers will be available to help out in Torrevieja every Saturday night until the autumn with at least two people available to support the main emergency services from 11.00 pm through till 5.00 am on the Sunday.

"During the summer months, the civil protection team may well prove to be a very useful addition to the police and emergency teams," said Torrevieja councillor Javier Manzanares. The extra cover started last weekend.

A student prank from 2011 has cost over four thousand euros for a Madrid councillor from the left-wing Podemos party.

Rita Maestre, a 27-yearold former student of the party's leader Pablo Iglesias, was found guilty of baring her breasts in a church on a charge of "infringing on freedom of conscience and religious convictions" after bursting into a chapel with some 50 others five years ago at Madrid's Complutense University. The protest had sparked an outcry, leading to complaints from rightwing politicians and the

Church.

"I didn't get undressed, I took off my t-shirt," Maestre told the court in Madrid during the trial last month. "A bare chest need not be offensive," added the spokeswoman, who is

part of the Podemos leading Madrid since June last year.

She has been fined 4,380 euros for her role in the protest, which will be paid as 12 euros a day for a period of 12 months.

Montesinos Call

More Protection

Los Montesinos council wants their Easter Day celebrations recognised by the Valencian Government as a event of cultural significance. The Sunday morning Procesión del Encuentro (The Procession of the Meeting)

with flowers on the street surface has taken place for over a century and is part of a busy weekend in the municipality with the seventh staging of the annual tapas event taking place this Good Friday and on Saturday.

27 establishments will be taking part with a tapa and drink costing two euros each, a price rise of 20 cents compared to previous years and the lowest number of participants since the event was first staged in 2010.

News

Thursday 24th March 2016

Costa Del Con The National Police have arrested two female members of a gang which allegedly preyed on British tourists in a Costa del Sol resort by spiking their drinks and stealing from them. The pair is accused of targeting their victims' at a bar in Puerto Banus, so they could gain access to their PIN numbers and use their bank cards while they were under the effects of the sedatives.

The arrests, which took place at a bar called Drink Box on the port's second row just back from the luxury sailing boats and sports cars nearer the waterline, were made by National Police officers based in Marbella.

One of the victims, who was not named, went to detectives after discovering nearly £4,000 pounds had been charged to his card in just 10 minutes.

Detectives say the eight alleged victims that have contacted them so far were scammed out of almost £40,000 - and are anticipating more may come forward once news of the arrests is made

public. Two other people, thought to be staff at the bar, have also been held.

A spokesman for the arresting officers said in a statement: "The investigation began in February when an alleged victim filed the first complaint.

"He said two women who had accompanied him to his apartment had taken his bank cards.

"After checking his account he'd discovered that they had used it 14 times in 10 minutes and spent €4,800 (£3,800).

"Seven other people subsequently came forward, all foreign nationals who said they'd been with women they thought could have spiked their drinks and discovered afterwards their banks cards

Pop Facts The Murcia and Valencia regions have some of the highest number of nonSpanish residents in the country, coming second and third respectively in the national tally, behind the Balearic Islands on 17.4 percent.

The population figures for 2015 have been pulled

together by the Asturian Society of Economic and Industrial Studies, and puts Murcia at 14.2 percent, with the Valencia region just behind on 14.1 percent. In contrast, Extremadura has the lowest figure at 3.14 percent, with the national average standing at just over 10 percent.

Cecilia’s Last Laugh

More than three years after a botched fresco restoration by an octogenarian painter became a major tourist attraction for a northern Spanish town, local officials looking to inject new life into the phenomenon opened a centre last week that celebrates the fresco.

Borja Mayor, Eduardo Arilla said 160,000 people had come to see the fresco since the story of Cecilia Gimenez's restoration of a Christ fresco in a town sanctuary went viral in 2012. He said with the new centre, the town hopes to keep attracting up to 30,000 visitors annually.

Gimenez, 85, smiled as she entered the new centre in a wheelchair for the inauguration ceremony. She became a sensation when pictures spread on the Internet of an "Ecce Homo" ("Behold the Man") mural she disfigured while trying to restore it. Twitter users redubbed it "Ecce Mono" ("Behold the Monkey").

The decision to open the centre was aimed at giving "the painting a new impetus," Arilla said. Also at the ceremony was the granddaughter of the little-known Spanish painter of the near 100-yearold original, Elias Garcia Martinez.

had been fraudulently used."

The spokesman added: "The women are suspected of guiding their alleged victims when they were vulnerable and under the effects of the drugs to a cashpoint with the sole intention of finding out what their PIN number was so they could then use the cards themselves" "Investigators discovered the women allegedly acted in cahoots with staff from the bar where they captured their victims.

These people gave them portable credit card terminals so they could use the cards quickly and spend large amounts.

In exchange the bar staff received a percentage of each of the transactions."

A Better Life?

122 thousand Spanish citizens emigrated abroad in 2015 driven by the economic crisis, an increase of 5.6% on the previous year, despite the improvement recorded in the country's economy. Most of the new migrants with Spanish passports were however of foreign origin, according to figures from the National Statistics Institute -that is to say they are children of immigrants for the most part South Americans looking for better prospects in their countries of origin.

Today there are two point eighteen million Spaniards living abroad. The foreign countries receiving most Spanish citizens are Argentina (440,000), France (233,000), Venezuela (188,000) and Germany (140,000).

A Big Scam 91 people have been arrested around the Valencia regional town of La Safor and accused of being involved in a mass social security scam that ripped around one million euros from the government. The National Police say that 142 fraud and six forgery charges have been presented which include creating non-existent workers for false benefit claims as well as issuing fake contracts to foreigners working in Spain.

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Dead And Gone A dead dolphin ran aground on Torrevieja's Los Locos beach on Saturday in the rocky Punta del Salaret area. The animal was removed and buried.

Standard Bearer

The 27 councils in the Vega Baja are leading the way in glass recycling according to figures provided by the Ecovidrio company. The area recycled seven and a half thousand tons last year which was 27 percent more than the average for the rest of the Valencian region.

Special Case Torrevieja council is looking for a company that can deal with cleaning houses that have sufferers of Diógenes syndrome living in them after five cases last year in the area.

The syndrome is a disorder characterised by extreme self-neglect, domestic squalor, and social withdrawal.

Councillor Fanny Serrano said that the council was looking to budget around 15 thousand euros a year to hire a specialist firm to deal with cases as they arise.

Rooms With A Smell

Weevil War

Almoradi council workers have been spraying palm trees to stop the spread of red weevil disease in the Plaza de la Constitución area. This preventative measure is aimed at keeping some of the most iconic palm trees at the heart of the municipality free from the killer pests.

News

Thursday 24th March 2016

Forbidden Fruit

Crates of oranges and lemons claiming to have been shipped from Alicante Province to China have been destroyed after it was found they had been sent there fraudulently.

The 20 tonnes of fruit arriving in China got authorities suspicious, and Chinese quality control bosses contacted Spanish diplomats to alert them that not all was well.

Spain's ambassador in China, Samuel Juárez, said the Spanish fruit industry is attempting to clamp down hard on unauthorised trade and that a full investigation was under way.

"There should be no reprisals for Spain, because we've seen how well the controls on our exports work," Juárez assured.

Forged documents claiming the oranges and

lemons had been grown in Alicante province were included with the containers, but Juárez says that as the papers were clearly fake, and that the shipment may not even have come from Spain at all. The fruit was said to be in 2,000 crates of 10 kilos each, and worth about 14 thousand euros. It was destroyed and buried in quicklime as a precaution after arriving

at the port of Tianjin.

Spain has been legally allowed to export lemons and oranges to China since 2007, when procedures covering pest control came into force, but did not in fact do so until two years ago when one million euros worth of produce was exported there. The figure trebled last year, and 2016 is set to be a record year.

App Happy Authorities have discovered a huge marijuana plantation spread across three floors of a hotel on the Mediterranean coast, with almost 2,500 plants seized during a raid last week. Two Russian women, aged 40 and 27, and a pair of Spanish men, aged 63 and 34, were arrested during the police operation in the town of Pineda de Mar, around 35 miles northeast of Barcelona, according to the Catalan equivalent of the Guardia Civil, known as the Mossos d'Escuadra.

The Mossos d'Escuadra was tipped off about the plantation by neighbours

who could smell the marijuana in the derelict building. The Mossos said the raid resulted in the recovery of 2,491 plants with an estimated value of 60,000 euros. Ventilation equipment, air conditioning machines, and fertilizers used for growing the plants were also seized.

The drug growing gang had reportedly entered the disused hotel at least a year ago and been stealing electricity to supply the operation.

The four members of the group have been charged with public health offences, association with a criminal group, and energy fraud.

Spaniards are connected to WhatsApp 'constantly' and use it for ongoing chatting without any specific purpose, according to the Sociological Investigation Centre (CIS).

WhatsApp is the main instant messaging service used in Spain as a total of 70.2% people turn to it before any other – and 42.3% are connected to it all day long.

Another 47.4% check their messages constantly throughout the day, with only 6.8% saying they check them just once a day. Most of them use it to 'chat without any specific objective' to family members – in 72% of cases – and friends, in 68% of cases. They are far less likely to use WhatsApp to plan activities with groups of

friends or family members, or for work-related issues. Only 3.9% admitted they 'hardly ever' connect to the messaging service.

In terms of social networks, the favourite among people in Spain is Facebook, being the number one choice in 91% of cases,

with only 3.8% preferring Twitter – but as a second choice, 18.3% opt for Twitter rather than Instagram, which accounts for 10.9%. Most social network users in Spain tend to log on to read posts and see what everyone else is up to, rather than generating their own content.

Expats Need To Be Prudent!

By Richard Samuels, Wealth Manager deVere Spain

Poor returns from Banks You’ve worked hard all your life and you’ve consciously saved and built up your nest egg over the years. That’s wonderful. But if you simply leave your money in the bank and expect it to grow in value, you’re probably in for a bit of a shock. As interest rates are at record lows, savers have seen very little return on their bank accounts and have become accustomed to returns of less than 2% - so much so that when shown investment products where they can achieve returns in excess of 5% - they understandably become suspicious.

One example is the Prudential International Prudence Bond – the funds aim for a steady and consistent growth of around 5-7% through a cautious approach to investing and is provided by a company who are a household name.

(Remember the Man from the Pru?) They can even offer a Capital Guarantee on your investment over a 10 year period.

However, the Prudential “With Profits” fund operates a smoothing feature whereby some of the profits are held back during the good times (when markets are rising) and can feed this back in when markets are struggling, ensuring a much steadier performance.

Free Financial Review Many of my clients have taken advantage of this and many other International Investment Products provided through DeVere and they are now more than happy with the real return their savings are generating.

My clients are the UK expatriates, living here on the Costa Blanca and Costa Calida, and one of their priorities (and my main task) is to make their funds begin to work in their favour again.

Financial planning never stops. Your situation may change, and the economic landscape certainly does. It costs nothing to get a DeVere financial review, and there is no obligation.

Tax Wrappers Many products exist to help them get a healthy return on their investment – at the same time protecting their capital from erosion! They can act as tax wrappers ensuring no Capital Gains Tax on investments, they can avoid the dreaded Modelo720 declaration, and minimise tax paid on withdrawals.

these returns were achieved during last year’s volatile markets. Maybe it seems too good to be true!

How do they do it?

Their recently published performance figures confirm that

If you want further information, please contact Richard Samuels, Wealth Manager, deVere Spain on Tel 965 02 04 02 mob 692 352156 or e-mail richard.samuels@devere-spain.es

Tony Mayes - About Life

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Thursday 24th March 2016

Bridging The Rich-Poor Gap A country is rightly judged on the way it looks after its most vulnerable and that's why countries like Syria, others in the Middle East and north Africa are judged as the worst in the world, prepared to bomb opponents out of existence, while those like Denmark and Norway are rightly always in the top five.

Sadly, Britain has slipped out of the top 10 and even the top 20, coming in at 23, and watching last week the government present its 2016 Budget it doesn't take a genius to see why Britain is slipping down the pecking order. Firstly, does Osborne and co really think it can deflect the nasty parts of the Budget by grabbing the headlines with the introduction of a sugar tax? Do they really think the British public and voters are that stupid?

But it's far more serious than the extremely poor smoke and mirrors trick over the sugar tax. Britain has a national disease which in my view threatens to undermine the entire fabric of society, and that is the ever increasing division between rich and poor and the way Britain looks after its most vulnerable.

People are at their most vulnerable when they are sick, disabled, unemployed, or going through one of life's traumas, like divorce or bereavement. And it's

how a country cares for these people that is a true measure of whether a country is a good place to live or not. And a government which can strip any amount of cash or benefits from the disabled and at the same time raise the tax threshold for the richest section of society is not only wrong but obscene. So I welcome Iain Duncan Smith's decision to quit as Work and Pensions Secretary, having a huge but very much belated pang of conscience over government strategy in general and Osborne's Budget in particular to help the rich and hit the disabled. To be fair on Osborne, he is in a dilemma. He knows how parlous Britain's finances are. We're in debt up to our necks and having to pay a small fortune in interest payments just to finance it....money which would be far better spent looking after the country's most vulnerable and getting the NHS back to being the best in the world.

Osborne's attempts to stop the financial rot and get Britain living within its means keeps getting deflected by events, like having to pour billions overseas to help the refugee crisis and the deficits in NHS finances. The nation's black hole gets ever deeper, and on Osborne's own figures, Britain won't stop borrowing

more until the last year of this government. It's my guess that even then we will still be borrowing more...that is unless the world looks on Britain as a financial basket case and won't lend us any more money.

In past centuries the super rich in Britain were society benefactors, philanthropists prepared to use part of their vast fortunes to finance projects to help society in general. It financed alms houses, the first hospitals, schools, art galleries, museums and all manner of public institutions we take for granted today.

In fact these rich and powerful competed with each other to show how much good they could do for society. Much of it may have been a religious fear, believing that parting with some of their vast wealth for the common good may buy them a place in heaven, but that's another story.

OK, we still have benefactors, people of the likes of Sir Richard Branson. But sadly, they are far fewer and the super rich are far more likely to get their pleasure by seeing their investment portfolios grow by the second. One of their number was recently interviewed in a TV documentary and I will never forget his comment...that everything he did was to make a

proft, if he couldn't see a profit in it he wouldn't do it.

With an attidude like that heaven help the rest of us!

So here's my alternative Budget. To announce that the most important thing to do is to is to bring the country back into balance and stop more borrowing. To do that there will be no more handouts to the rich and no more tax loopholes for the rich and big business to jump through. The country will spend all it takes to look after the most vulnerable, the disabled, the sick, the disadvantaged, but will act with ruthlessness against those who abuse the system. Any benefit cheat will face jail, no ifs, no buts and prisons should be no holiday camps. All people capable of working would be required to work or face an end to benefits. And gradually, year on year, state benefits would be reduced to encourage people to work. However, there should be an end to employers holding all the employment aces, like zero hours contacts and paying people so badly they have to turn to the State for top/ups. There should be no cuts to the essentials, such as defence, law and order, education, health and public services, or to infrastructure projects, so, to balance the books, no more grants or subsidies would go to

those things which society could temporarily do without. Government support for the Arts, theatres, museums art galleries, or to any of the frills in society would be temporarily suspended until Britain was in surplus.

At the same time. those super rich would be called upon to become benefactors again, as their predecessors did before people believed the government should pay for everything.

In other words, we need a drastic realignment of what people expect from government. Past governments encouraged the crazy cradle to grave mentality. We now need a complete rethink to get people to do more for themselves and for the super rich to retake the moral high ground, as their ancestors did before them.

The UK government last week came under attack over the Tampax tax of 5% and MPs have been roundly critical of having to charge VAT on women's sanitary products, their for supporting women campaigners.

Similarly at least a dozen Tories are backing a Labour motion opposing any rise in VAT charged on solar panels, wind turbines, draught installation and energy-saving devices. The current 5% rate paid by benefit claimants over 60 was ruled illegal by the European Court of Justice in June.

Here's yet another example of the EU meddling and dictating what level of VAT is charged by individual governments. Why the hell should Britain allow itself to be dictated to in this way? If I was in power in the government it wouldn't be five minutes before I told some EU official exactly what he could do with his rules. It's yet another example of why Britain should put two fingers up on Europe. If Europe wants a bureaucratic dictatorship ruled by Brussels and Strasbourg then let them get on with it.

Britain never has got on very well with dictators, and ending the vast sums we pay annually to a mega/bucks European gravy train would help us balance the books.

Still loosely on the subject, I was amused by a remark by the Chinese government last week, saying that China was so much better off under their regime than accepting democracy, if democracy resulted in the likes of Donald Trump being elected as president of America! It seems increasingly likely that he will be the Republican candidate and if he becomes president the rest of the world, we had better look out! I'm not at all sure that the world could cope with a shoot first, talk afterwards US president right now.

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On Your Stolen Bike The Guardia Civil have arrested three men who tried to sell a four thouand euro mountain bike via the internet after they stole it from a Santa Pola address. The Santa Cruz branded two-wheeler, acknowledged as one of the top mountain bikes on the market, was then sold on, with the Guardia apprehending the three Spaniards, as well as recovering the bike from a new owner in Elche.

River Rubbish Row

The body that looks after the River Segura has threatened Guardamar council with a 10 thousand euro fine for not doing their job in keeping the mouth of the river free of rubbish.

The Confederación Hidrográfica del Segura (CHS) issued the warning with Guardamar's mayor, José Luis Sáez, saying that he was surprised by the CHS move as he didn't believe it was the council's responsibility. Both parties are set to meet to discuss the state of the Segura and how to move forward.

News

Thursday 24th March 2016

Teresa’s Return

Spanish survivor Teresa Romero returned to work last week for the first time since she caught the highly-infectious haemorrhagic disease whilst treating one of two patients repatriated from west Africa. The 46year-old was no stranger to dealing with patients suffering contagious and infectious diseases, as she is a nurse working on a ward which handles HIV, hepatitis, tuberculosis and other high-risk conditions.

But she believes she caught Ebola from Spanish missionary Manuel García Viejo, 69, who was airlifted home from Liberia where he had been treating

natives suffering from the disease as part of a church-run voluntary programme. García Viejo passed away within days, as did the other Spanish missionary doctor, Miguel Pajares, 75, who was repatriated from Sierra Leone after displaying symptoms of Ebola.

Teresa was the only person in Spain to have caught the disease without leaving the country, and her condition made world headlines as she fought for her life through some seriously critical, touch-and-go moments that saw her on life-support with her organs failing fast.

Lottery’s New Best Friend An Orihuela City ONCE lottery ticket seller has led by example as he scooped the 17 million euro Father's Day jackpot. Pedro Ferrer Cárdenas has been selling tickets for the ONCE charity for the last two years, and had a flutter himself by buying a ticket at the 'El Rincón' bar in the San Isidro area of the city, He chose not to sit on his laurels though as the following day he was back selling tickets at Sunday’s San Isidro market!

National Police Cop It

Four people, including a pedestrian, were injured when a National Police car on the way to an emergency collided with another vehicle in Alicante City. The accident

happened on Saturday lunchtime at a junction on Avenida de Alcoy de Alicante, with none of the injuries ending up as being serious.

News

Short Cut Carnage A group of Barcelona pensioners accidentally wrecked 200 vines that were up to 50 years old by driving into vineyards after getting lost looking for a local restaurant. The incident happened at lunchtime during a weekend in February, after a group of retired Barcelonians driving five different SUVs misinterpreted their GPS when looking for a restaurant in the village of El Vilet in Catalunya.

Turning down a dirt road through local vineyards, they realised their error but became stuck in the mud when trying to turn around.

In the process of getting out, they destroyed 200 vines of 25 to 50 year-old Macabeu owned by eight different growers and caused approximately eight thousand euros in damage.

One of the viticulturists, Ramon Serra, was quoted

by local media as saying, 'We constantly have to fight against rabbits, wild boars, and above all comes this, a most disagreeable surprise.'

Another viticulturist, Ana Cèlia Esteve, said she was initially furious after the group appeared to have driven off without notifying anyone. 'People said that I was against tourists from the city coming out to Vall

Streets Ahead A street map featuring tourist locations in both Orihuela City and the Orihuela Costa has been launched by the Municipal Council.

The Orihuela Councillor for the coast and tourism, Sofía Álvarez, herself involved in tourism in a

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Thursday 24th March 2016

private capacity, said that it was the first time that both parts of the municipality have featured on the same map, adding that it was a key element in promoting the entire municipality, and would be available to view on the council's website, www.orihuela.es.

de Riu Corb, but this is completely untrue. I am happy to welcome people who want to visit our region.'

Three of the eight viticulturists contacted local police, who spotted five SUVs covered in mud at a local restaurant. Esteve said compensation has been paid to the three winemakers who complained to the police.

Vodafone Challenge

Consumer group FACUA has filed legal action against Vodafone for having announced it will put its prices up from Monday April 18th. The increase of between two and three euros applies to mobile, landline, internet and other customers. FACUA says Vodafone's 'excuse' is that it intends to 'improve the quality of its services', but that it 'does not offer its users the possibility of maintaining original conditions' stated in the contract they initially signed.

According to the consumer group, two aspects of the price increase are illegal – firstly, that customers of Vodafone have not been given a minimum of a month's notice in writing, as telecommunications law requires; and secondly, because customers who signed up for a compulsory minimum fixed period may not have any of the terms and conditions of the deal altered, except in their favour, until the renewal or expiry date.

Orihuela health councillor, Noelia Grao, has called for better emergency ambulance cover for the Orihuela Costa after meeting SAMU boss Pere Herrera. Grao wants a dedicated 24 hour service for the area with an extra vehicle after complaints from local residents over ambulance delays.

Grao said that the current SAMU provision covers the Orihuela Costa in addition to San Miguel de Salinas and Pilar de la Horadada, and is inadequate to serve the population. Waiting time are often over 30 minutes, whilst Torrevieja has incidents covered within just 10 minutes.

Ambulance Call

Slight Relief Yesterday's planned strike by train drivers was called off at the weekend, but unions have confirmed that they will procede with a second strike scheduled for this Easter Monday (March 28th). The drivers' union, SEMAF, planned both strikes to coincide with the busiest Easter holiday periods – workers who live in regions where Maundy Thursday is a bank holiday (like in Murcia) would typically seek to leave for their long weekend breaks last night (Wednesday), whilst those who live in parts of Spain where Easter Monday is a bank holiday (like in the Valencia region) would need to travel home that night for work the next day. Good Friday is a public holiday in all regions in Spain.

Patrols Pilar de la Horadada’s beaches are being patrolled by lifeguard and rescue services from today until Sunday April 3rd. The municipality has four kilometres of coastline and eight areas will be covered including the beaches at Mil Palmeras and Vistamar between 11.00 am and 5.00 pm.

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Thursday 24th March 2016

It’s In Fashion

Fashion designer Joseph Ribkoff is to help raise money for the Rojales-based Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre at a fashion show early next month on the Orihuela Costa. The show, which will take place on Saturday April 2nd, has been organised by long-time rescue centre supporter and Looking Good Boutique owner Louise Brandley.

A team of Joseph Ribkoff

representatives will come from Canada with a huge collection of 2016 summer designs to show off. Tickets cost just €1 and will be donated to the Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre. The event starts at 12 noon at the Looking Good Boutique, Avenida Villamartin, 18 Centro Comercial Zenia Golf, Orihuela Costa. Tickets can be reserved by phoning 966 760 479.

Bids And Bargains

Charity 4 Charities look to raise thousands of euros each year which they give away at their annual presentation evening in November. Once again they are looking to help ten worthy local causes come the end of the year, with a donation of one thousand euros each! One of the bedrock fund-raisers is their

weekly auction at the Bull Flanagan bar in Quesada, every Tuesday from 1.00 pm, with booking in of the items between 9.30 am and noon.

A 50 cent charge on each item goes into a charity pot, and they also have a large stall where you can get some fabulous bargains. For more details, call Sandra on 966 712 803.

Happy Rascals

Local & News

Musical Favourite

Studio 32’s latest production, Fiddler On The Roof, which features familiar favourites like “If I Were A Rich Man” and “Sunrise Sunset” is hitting the stage of San Fulgencio’s Cardenal Belluga Theatre at the start of June.

The show will be staged

between Wednesday June 1st through till Saturday June 4th, with all performances starting at 7.30pm. Reserved seating tickets are now on sale, priced at nine euros, and can be obtained by calling Philip on 642 080 258, or by e-mailing tickets@studiothirtytwo.org

Club News

The Rascals showgroup recently handed over thirteen-hundred euros to the Torrevieja-based special needs charity, APANEE, with the money raised by last year’s Christmas

Singalongs. The Rascals are now getting ready for their next show, Saturday Night at the Movies, to be staged at the Los Montesinos music school at the end of May.

A new English-speaking club is being set up for the Almoradi area, with the view to creating a social club catering for English speakers. The initial aim is for the new group is to meet a couple of times per month, and the first gathering will be at 4.00 pm on Monday March 28th at Victoria’s Tearoom on Calle Pablo Picasso (around the corner from the main

square).

For more details, please e-mail davedanie@gmail.com.

The next meeting of the Vega Baja Garden Club will be on Monday April 4th at Bar Trasgu in Formentera del Segura at 2.15 pm.

There will be two presentations, one on the subject of houseplants and the other on unusual planters.

Thursday 24th March 2016

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What A Return For Luna

A dog believed to have drowned after disappearing from a fishing boat off the California coast six weeks ago was found on an island owned by the US navy and is to be reunited with her owner.

Luna, a blue-eyed German shepherd-husky mix, apparently swam two miles to San Clemente Island, off the San Diego coast, where navy employees found her on Tuesday, Naval Base Coronado spokeswoman Sandy DeMunnik said.

“It was a long haul for a puppy across treacherous terrain,” DeMunnik said. “She was a little thinner, but none the worse for wear.”

Pets

Thursday 24th March 2016

Luna, who is about 18 months old, was on a fishing boat with her owner Nick Haworth when she went missing before early on February 10th while Haworth and a crew member hauled in a catch, DeMunnik said.

Haworth searched the waters for two days backed by navy personnel, who also searched the island for a week, she added.

The San Diego fisherman presumed Luna was dead 10 days after she went missing, posting photos of the dog on Facebook and writing “RIP Luna”, but Luna likely spent no more than a day in the water. She was found sitting along a road on the island.

Coping With The Death Of Your Pet

When a person you love dies, it's natural to feel sorrow, express grief, and expect friends and family to provide understanding and comfort. Unfortunately, you don't always get that understanding when a pet dies. Some people still don't understand how central animals can be in people's lives, and a few may not get why you're grieving over "just a pet."

FAMILY MEMBER We know how much pets mean to most people.

People love their pets and consider them members of their family. Caregivers often celebrate their pets' birthdays, confide in their animals and carry pictures of them in their wallets. So when a beloved pet dies, it's not unusual to feel overwhelmed by the

intensity of your sorrow.

Animals provide companionship, acceptance, emotional support, and unconditional love. If you understand and accept this bond between humans and animals, you've already taken the first step toward coping with pet loss: knowing that it is okay to grieve when your pet dies.

Finding ways to cope with your loss can bring you closer to the day when memories bring smiles instead of tears.

COPING WITH GRIEF Here are a few suggestions to help you cope: Acknowledge your grief and give yourself permission to express it.

Don't hesitate to reach out to others who can lend

a sympathetic ear. Do a little research online and you'll find hundreds of resources and support groups that may be helpful to you.

Write about your feelings, either in a diary or a poem, essay, or short story.

Prepare a memorial for your pet.

CARING FOR OTHER PETS Surviving pets may whimper, refuse to eat or drink, and suffer lethargy, especially if they had a close bond with the deceased pet. Even if they were not the best of friends, the changing circumstances and your emotional state may distress them. However, if your remaining pets continue to act out of sorts, there could actually be a

medical problem that requires your vet's attention. Give surviving pets lots of TLC and try to maintain a normal routine.

It's good for them and for you.

GETTING ANOTHER PET Rushing into this decision isn't fair to you or your new pet. Each animal has her own unique personality and a new animal cannot replace the one you lost.

You'll know when the time is right to adopt a new pet after giving yourself time to grieve, considering whether you're ready, and paying close attention to your feelings. When you're ready, remember that all the local animal charities and shelters are great places to find your next special friend.

Pets Corner: Can You take in a Homeless Dog or Cat?

PUPPIES Rescued pups Alexander and Sergei are two months old and and are now in a loving foster home with other dogs. They are both looking for homes and they will be small to medium sized when fully grown. They will possibly be long haired as they are quite fluffy. If you can offer them a home please phone PEPA on 650 304 746 or send an email for more info to p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail.com

BELLA This beautiful and majestic pure white cat is called Bella.

She is two years old and has all the characteristics of a lady, elegant and very relaxed, she would suit someone who wants a lap cat that doesn't go out much.

She is sterilised and good with other cats as well as humans.

For more information, you can call 645 469 253. www.petsinspain.com

HUMPHRY Humphry was originally found over four years ago.

Despite being very thin, he soon put on weight and turned into a happy, healthy, handsome boy. He is now seven years old, and deserves to be in a home with a loving family. If you would like to come and visit Humphry or want to know more, please call 966 710 047 or send an email to info@satanimalrescue.com

JENNY Jenny was found along with her two pups in a very sorry state. She has now been cleaned up and has adjusted very well in her foster home where she is living alongside lots of other dogs and cats.

She is very affectionate and is about five to six years old. For more on Jenny, please call PEPA on 650 304 746 or send an email to p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail.com

SKIPPY Skippy is a very friendly young man who is aged around three years and is looking for his forever home.

He is a mixed breed dog who is very playful and loves other people as well as other dogs.

Skippy would be a fabulous dog to have with children or a pet family and is medium sized. Please call 600 845 420 or check out www.k9club.es

PUPPIES These two sisters and two brothers were rescued by APAH when they were only a few weeks old.

They are all very sweet puppies, and are four months old now, so ready to be adopted.

They are probably only going to be small/medium sized dogs.

If you would like to meet the family please call 630 422 563 or 616 210 850.

Thursday 24th March 2016

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Dave Silver

Thursday 24th March 2016

Dining With Dolly Is Definitely A Dream Date I FELL asleep on the sofa the other evening. I knew I was asleep because the next thing I was aware of was that I was out on a date with Dolly Parton -- and that happens only when I'm dreaming.

'Hello, Hunky,' she greeted me.

'Hello, Dolly,' I said. 'You sure look swell, Dolly.'

We dined at a swish Hollywood restaurant and Dolly insisted that I chose for her from the menu.

For starters we had the breadsticks with HP Sauce dip. To follow, egg and chips with mushy pea garnish accompanied by a fruity Vimto '14 in frosted jam jars.

We skipped dessert because Dolly said she was feeling sick. I was also having stabbing pains in my side -- as if someone were

digging me in the ribs.

I regained consciousness on the sofa to find that I WAS being dug in the ribs and the rib digger was Mrs S. 'Wake up!' she hissed in my ear.

'So what's your problem?'

I asked sleepily. 'Lots of husbands nod off in front of the telly. Why pick on me?'

'Because it's not our television. We happen to be in someone else's house,' Mrs S hissed again.

I squinted with one eye at the opposite wall. 'Ah, I wondered why Britain's Got Talent is showing. I never watch it at home.'

'That's not a television set,' Mrs S pointed out. 'It's a painting, a work of art, in fact. It's a copy of Boy Blowing Bubbles by Manet.'

I opened my other eye and saw three other couples staring back at me.

'Sorry about my husband,' Mrs S said, blushing furiously. 'He's not used to people.'

'Au contraire, Mrs S,' I said, climbing off the sofa and putting my socks and shoes back on. 'I'm most charming in company. Now, who are you lot?'

'Don't you remember?' said Mrs S, prompting me with another dig in the ribs.

'These are our new neighbours and we're here for their housewarming. You've already been introduced to everyone.'

'Of course,' I said, shaking hands all over again.

'But you must excuse me if I forget stuff. I'm on medication, you know.'

Mrs S dragged me to one side. 'Please tell me that you haven't had a drink with your pills. You know it makes you go loopy and

insensitive.'

'I'm perfectly okay,' I assured her. 'Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to mingle.'

I approached our hostess. 'Hello, it's Basher, isn't it?'

'Natasha, actually,' said the lady as I shook hands with her for probably the third time that evening.

'May I compliment you on your classy drinking glasses, I said. 'I bet you don't use one of those to soak your teeth in overnight.'

Natasha blanched. 'I beg your pardon!'

'Don't worry about the ageing process, it comes to us all,' I assured her. 'Now I must leave you and circulate -- which is probably more than your blood can manage these days, Basher.'

I felt yet another dig in

the ribs. 'What the hell are you doing!' demanded Mrs S. 'Don't worry about it,' I chuckled. 'I'm still on our sofa fast asleep. This is only a dream, you know.'

'No, it isn't!' she said.

'This is really happening!

You are really here! And that Natasha woman is really about to throw us out!'

'Oh, lumme,' I said. 'What do I do now? You've got to help me get out of this one.'

Mrs S dug me in the ribs yet again. 'All I can suggest is that you throw yourself at her feet and apologise from the deepest part of your being.'

I got down on the floor, crawled abjectly on the carpet with my face pressed downwards into the thick pile and surfaced, like a cautious submarine, just in

front of our hostess.

'I'm so sorry for my appalling behaviour,' I whined. 'I'm just an emptyheaded, silly, stupid person.

And even that description is far too generous.'

'I forgive you,' responded Natasha 'It's fortunate that the estate agent informed me about the resident nutter in the street before we moved in. He said you were a bit of a pain but that you were quite harmless.'

'I wonder who told him that,' I said.

'It was your wife, apparently. Anyway, let's wipe the slate clean and start again.

Can I offer you some food from the buffet table?'

I climbed gingerly to my feet, clutching my sore side.

'You're a smasher, Basher,' I said. 'I reckon I'll try the spare ribs.'

Friday 25th March 2016

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Thursday 24th March 2016

TRELI ON THE TELLY WITH ALEX TRELINSKI

New US dramas always have an element of wondering whether they are worth committing to because if good ratings don’t quickly appear, then the shows are not renewed, or even worse pulled mid-run. That’s why a bit of a time lag for British and Spanish viewers on new offerings isn’t such a bad idea because you are able to steer away from viewing a dud. The best of the new network shows comes from NBC, and that’s Blindspot(airing on Sky Living and something I reviewed back in November). After a midseason break it has come back even stronger and a second run is coming this autumn. I like the mystery of the central character covered in tattooes which lead the FBI to stop all kinds of baddies, and of course what her agenda is, as she desperately tries to remember. A second season was ordered within just a few weeks last autumn and Blindspot is certainly worthy of your consideration.

Quantico is theFBI’s training academy for agents

Stateside Selection

and is the name of a new show from ABC which UKTV’s satellite channel, Alibi, has scooped ahead of the rest. Quantico stars British actress, Priyanka Chopra(pictured and second series booked already) and copies the technique from the old Glenn Close legal drama, Damages, in running two timelines, with a terrorist outrage hitting New York in the very first scene of episode one.

Chopra as a newly qualified FBI agent is wrongly accused of being involved, and we flashback to all the new recruits at Quantico as we are given the task of working out who might be the villain and what the conspiracy is all about. It’s an interesting concept with a heck of a lot happening on the basis of the first two episodes and is certainly a cut above the rest of the usual police procedurals.

Limitless from CBS(airing on Sky One) is a follow on from the Bradley Cooper movie of the same name, where a young unemployed singer takes a drug that massively boosts his brain capacity, and he ends up

helping the FBI in New York. Cooper makes some cameo appearances, and Jake McDorman plays an appealing lead as Brian Finch, but the problem is in the direction. Limitless doesn’t know whether it wants to be a crime show; quirky; funny; tongue-incheek; or something else. It

sadly fails to give that vital reason to want to tune in again the following week because I don’t care. It’s not rubbish but with so much else on these days, you can skip it very easily for a week or two, and not be bothered about having missed out on anything important. If you love it, it

appears to be a dead cert to return for a second run, and I will drop in on Limitless from time to time.

Dick Wolf is American TV’s answer to the conveyor belt and for over a quarter of a century he’s had a relationship that at times has been a bit love-hate with NBC TV. Wolf is the man behind the Law and Order franchise with SVU going great guns in season 17(18 already ordered) that’s screened on the UK Universal Channel and is still very good indeed. Wolf has created a new Chicago franchise with Chicago Fire(on Sky Living…but also currently airing for the first time on Five USA); Chicago PD on Five USA; and now Chicago Med on the Universal Channel, reintroducing us to some characters we’ve met already on the other two Chicago shows! It’s hardly ground-breaking and nobody will ever reach the heights of the fantastic ER, but to be fair, Chicago Med is more about the team, rather than the medicine, and yes you’ve guessed it!

Season two has been com-

missioned, along with fresh orders for Fire and PD. By the way, Wolf fans take note that Chicago Law is in the pipeline! The pain is that NBC love to do a cross-over story across all of the Wolf shows, so with different UK channels screening them at different times of the year, it’s a real memory test to see what’s going on where!

Finale time tomorrow for Stan Lee’s Lucky Man on Sky One, in what’s been good Friday night “beer in hand” entertainment with James Nesbitt once again ruling the roost in a lead.

What a shame that we knew who the villain was for weeks unless we get a twist. Talking of bad men, are you cheering on(in a perverse way) Hugh Lawrie’s obnoxious Richard Roper in The Night Manager which finishes this Sunday on BBC 1? I hope he’s not bumped off because despite the original book by John Le Carre being exhausted for the adaptation, the Beeb has pretty much sealed the deal for a brand new second series of a fresh storyline.

Thursday 24th March 2016

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Maigret Sets A Trap

Monday - ITV New to ITV, comedy actor

Rowan Atkinson takes on a new role, playing the leg-

endary French detective, Jules Maigret, and in the first episode on Easter Monday, Maigret Sets a Trap!

In the first film, set in 1955 during a sweltering summer in Paris, the city is gripped with fear as four women are murdered on the streets of Monmartre in a spree of seemingly unconnected attacks.

Chief Inspector Maigret is under huge public and professional pressure to find the killer before he strikes again. Maigret sets a trap which ultimately leads to a thrilling climax.

Further cast include Fiona Shaw (Harry Potter, True Blood), Aiden McCardle (Mr

Selfridge, The Mill), Shaun Dingwall (Silent Witness, Death In Paradise), Lucy Cohu (Broadchurch), Leo Starr (Call The Midwife, Lewis), Rufus Wright (Miranda, Doctors), Hugh Simon (The Mill, MI-5), David Dawson (Ripper Street, Peaky Blinders), Colin Mace (Doctors, Lost Honour of Christopher Jefferies) and Rebecca Night (Starlings).

The formidable character of Jules Maigret first appeared in print in 1931.

Georges Simenon, who wrote 75 Maigret novels, is considered one of the greatest writers of the 20th century – selling around a billion books worldwide to date.

In The Footsteps Of Judas

Friday - BBC One Another person out of

their normal surroundings this week is Reverend Kate

from Channel 4 reality show, Gogglebox.

To mark Good Friday this one-hour documentary sees one of Britain’s best-loved vicars, Kate Bottley, re-open the case against the Bible’s most notorious villain Judas Iscariot.

Kate’s journey takes her from her own parish in Nottingham to Jerusalem, where she pieces together the events leading up to the Crucifixion. Why did Judas betray his Master at his most desperate hour? And on a day when we remem-

ber that Jesus died for all our sins, is Judas excluded from that forgiveness?

A number of leading theological experts contribute to Kate’s investigation, as she visits the Upper Room of the Last Supper; Gethsemane the scene of Judas’ treacherous kiss; and the Field of Blood, where, according to Christian tradition, Judas hanged himself.

Ultimately, Kate demonstrates why Judas matters and why he is central to our understanding of the Christian message today.

Springwatch At Easter Friday - BBC Two Springwatch is back for an Easter Special, looking at how our Great British wildlife is faring in Spring 2016, after the exceptional winter weather.

This year too, presenters Chris Packham, Michaela Strachan and Martin Hughes-Games will be launching the big BBC volunteering campaign: Springwatch: Do Something Great, with its own wildlife appeal, asking viewers to get out and sign up for a range of voluntary activities, all designed to help our UK wildlife.

Springwatch At Easter will be based in Pembrokeshire in West Wales, Britain’s only coastal national park. It is internationally renowned for its plants and animals, and the team will showcase the best it has to offer - just as the countryside is bursting into colour and life.

The remarkably warm and wet winter weather this year has affected the signs of spring, with premature flowers, blossoms and blooms, and wildlife out and about earlier than normal.

Springwatch weatherman Nick Miller will be on location with a giant map of the UK etched into the sand at Broad Haven Beach, to explain the year’s weird weather so far and the sort of spring we might expect.

As ever we’ll be encouraging everyone to get in touch through our social media. There are plenty of ways to get involved:

Our Queen at Ninety

Sunday - ITV “I said to my mother the other day, do you realise that when you reach 90 I shall have known you for 68 years, she had to laugh a little bit.” HRH The Prince of Wales In Sunday night´s twohour landmark programme celebrating The Queen's 90th birthday, ITV cameras have been granted close access to the work of Her Majesty and other members of the Royal Family across the United Kingdom and overseas during the last year.

Our Queen at Ninety includes individual contributions from many key figures in her life, including Their Royal Highnesses The Prince of Wales and The Duchess of Cornwall, The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Prince Harry, The Duke of York, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, The Countess of Wessex and Peter Phillips.

In addition, leading national and international figures will feature, including Prime Minister David Cameron, along with famous faces from the world of sport and

entertainment, as well as material from the most comprehensive international film archives.

Viewers will also see Her Majesty attending and hosting various events, including a reception for the Rugby World Cup and the Chinese State Visit, as well as seeing Her Majesty working and relaxing at home.

Speaking about Her Majesty, HRH The Prince of Wales says: “I said to my mother the other day, do you realise that when you reach 90 I shall have known you for 68 years, she had to laugh a little bit.”

He continued: “When you think that all these years the Queen has been on throne, that in itself is a huge achievement, coping with so many different challenges and complications and always being there really in that remarkable way – steadfast.”

As she reaches her 90th birthday, this film aims to offer a fresh insight into our monarch's life and work; a remarkable story of an extraordinary life which in so many ways reflects the changing face of the nation.

Her Majesty The Queen

On the BBC – bbc.co.uk/Springwatch On Facebook - facebook.com/BBCSpringwatch On Twitter @BBCSpringwatch and share your Easter volunteering experiences with the hashtags #springwatch and #dosomethinggreat Share photos via the official SPRINGWATCH Flickr group flickr.com/groups/bbcSpringwatch And you can also use photo-sharing app, Instagram http://instagram.com/bbcspringwatch/ Pictured L-R: Martin Hughes-Games, Michaela Strachan, Chris Packham

As the Queen, with her family in formal dress gathers in a Buckingham Palace ante room preparing to make her entrance into a reception for 600 diplomats who are waiting in the adjoining room to meet her, she says: “Is that the right time?” [looking at her watch] “Do you think, if we open the door, is there anyone here?”

The Duke of Cambridge Talking about Her Majesty, as he was growing up, the Duke of Cambridge said: "Growing up, having this figurehead, having this stability above me has been incredible. I have been able to explore, understand, slightly carve my own path. I greatly appreciate and value that protection."

Talking about the Armed Forces, The Duke said: “It is about service to others and helping the community, helping in the national interest.”

The Duke added: “The Royal family, and particularly the monarch, has always had a close bond with the armed forces. I think it's to do with shared values, sacrifice, dedication, loyalty, and the Armed Forces don't get enough recognition. So it's a key part of the Royal family and the monarch to bring that to light.”

Discussing UK pageantry, The Duke said: “We're very good at pomp and ceremony. In the UK, we're proud of it, but round the world it's seen as a real coup to be able to pull off something like that. For such a small country we pack a big international punch.”

On how members of the public react to meeting Her Majesty, the Duke of Cambridge said: “A lot of people get very excited and sort of nervous around her. And I've seen some very comical moments. I've seen people literally faint in front of her. It's quite a startling moment as to what to do when you faint in front of the Queen. There's a lot of trembling knees and people can't talk sometimes. It's quite difficult talking to people when they can’t talk. You don't get very far; I don't get past the hellos.”

Friday 25th March

Good Friday

07:00 Breakfast 10:00 In the Footsteps of Judas 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Caught Red Handed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:30 Doctors 15:00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 15:55 Think Tank 16:40 Escape to the Country 17:25 The TV That Made Me 18:10 Flog It 18:45 Pointless 19:30 News 20:00 The One Show

07:00 Film - Herbie Goes Bananas (U) 08:30 Film Short Circuit (PG) 10:00 Heir Hunters 11:00 Natural World 12:00 Talking Pictures 12:45 Film - Kismet (U) 14:35 Film - Singin’ in the Rain (U) 16:15 Rivers with Griff Rhys Jones 17:15 The Best Dishes Ever 17:45 Terry and Mason’s Great Food Trip 18:15 Eggheads 18:45 Antiques Road Trip 19:30 Too Much TV

07:00 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 07:25 Super 4 07:55 Oddbods 08:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Thunderbirds are Go 10:55 Thunderbirds are Go 11:20 Film - Overboard (PG) 13:30 Loose Women 14:25 News 14:40 Celebrity Squares 15:20 Judge Rinder 16:25 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:20 Tipping Point 18:25 The Chase 19:25 News

07:00 Countdown 07:45 The Goldbergs 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:25 The Simpsons 13:25 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 14:30 Racing: Lingfield Park and Musselburgh 17:00 A New Life in the Sun 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News

20:30 A Question of Sport Sue Barker hosts another edition of the entertaining sports quiz

20:00 Mary Berry’s Easter Feast Mary explores the foods that bring each different community together on Easter Sunday

20:00 Emmerdale Megan brings Eliza home

20:30 Unreported World Krishnan Guru-Murthy visits Venezuela, where there’s a severe shortage of drugs and medical equipment

21:00 EastEnders Abi turns to Babe for help with 21:00 Mastermind John her lie Humphrys hosts as five contestants compete in the last 21:30 MasterChef The semi-final cookery competition continues with the first quarter21:30 Gardeners’ World final of the series Monty divides perennials 22:00 Boomers The gang and offers plenty of tips on visit a campsite to celebrate how to kick-start the garden for the season ahead Trevor’s birthday 22:30 Mrs Brown’s Boys It’s all kicking off in the Brown residence, as Rory and Dino have a bust-up and Mark and Betty announce their imminent departure to Australia 23:00 News 23:25 The Graham Norton Show 00:10 Room 101 00:50 The Celebrity Apprentice USA 03:40 Weather for the Week Ahead 03:45 News

20:30 Coronation Street Carla refuses to dance to Tracy’s tune

21:00 Britain’s Whales and Sharks More than 25 kinds of whales and dolphins and over 30 different sharks either visit or live in British waters. Off the coast of Ireland, Ben Fogle comes face to face with a pod of humpbacks and witnesses dolphins working with the whales to hunt down their prey. Continues 22:00 Springwatch At after Coronation Street Easter Springwatch is back for an hour-long Easter spe- 21:30 Coronation Street Will an irritated Tracy burst cial Nick’s bubble?

23:00 QI 23:30 Film - Night Train to Lisbon 01:15 Film - 22:00 Britain’s Whales and Sharks Part 2 The Tempest (PG) 02:55 Dunblane: Our Story 03:55 23:00 News 23:15 Land of Hope and Glory - Benidorm 23:45 Film British Country Life 04:55 Octopussy (PG) 02:05 Caribbean with Simon Jackpot247 04:00 Murder, Reeve 05:55 A Very British She Wrote 04:50 ITV Nightscreen Renaissance

21:00 Food Unwrapped Can you put dishwasher salt on your chips? To find out, Jimmy heads to Sicily 21:30 Travel Man: 48 Hours in Seville Richard Ayoade resumes his quest to show the world how to enjoy an optimal 48 hour mini city break 22:00 Gogglebox The nation’s favourite armchair critics share their opinions on what they have been watching 23:00 The Last Leg 00:05 Raised by Wolves 00:40 First Dates 01:40 Virtually Famous 02:20 Film - The French Connection (18) 04:05 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free 05:00 Location, Location, Location

5 07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:25 Fail Army 12:55 News 13:00 Home and Away 13:30 Neighbours 14:00 Film Anzio (PG) 16:10 Film Operation Daybreak (PG) 18:25 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 Police Interceptors 20:00 Concorde Air Disaster Documentary about the cause of the catastrophic crash in Paris in 2000 in which all passengers and crew of a Concorde bound for New York were killed after one engine caught fire on takeoff 21:00 All New Super Scary Plane Landings Footage and witness testimony of planes coming down with a bump, including a crash landing that sends ten people to hospital 22:00 Film - Air Force One (15) Hijackers seize the plane carrying the President of the United States and his family, but he - an ex-soldier - works from hiding to defeat them 00:20 Aircrash: The Miracle of Flight 32 01:15 Super Casino 04:10 Police Interceptors 05:00 Weather Terror 05:45 House Doctor

DON´T MISS

On This Day

TRAVEL MAN:48 HOURS IN SEVILLE

Channel4 21:30 take the bait?

SOAPS

In Emmerdale Moira is thrown when Holly introduces her to her ‘boyfriend’ Dean. Once alone, Dean tells an intimidated Holly that he’s there debt collecting.

Recalling that Charity is still in love with Cain, Holly tries to strike a deal with her, telling her that she can help her get Cain back for a price. Will Charity

In the company of comedian Rob Delaney, Richard Ayoade packs his carryon case and sets off to enjoy an optimal two-day mini city break in Seville, southern Spain. On arrival, the duo soon learn to dance flamenco and eat tapas and churros. They also explore Metropol Parasol, one of the boldest pieces of modern architecture in Europe and visit a film set built for the spaghetti western A Fistful of Dollars. After seeking to channel their inner Eastwood, the amigos repair to the saloon for some Fanta and a Kinder egg.

Meanwhile, Paddy and Rhona tell Marlon they want to go to Germany for six months, but he lays down the law and tells them they can’t take Leo with them. Later, Carly suggests to Marlon that it might be a good thing if Leo ends up with three happy parents again. Will Marlon change his mind about the trip?

In Coronation Street, The estate agent in Devon calls Nick and Carla to say that unless they raise the money quickly, they’ll lose their dream cottage.

Worried, Nick asks Robert for a private word.

At the same time, Tracy tries to force Carla into speeding up the Bistro sale. Carla refuses until she and Nick are safely married and settled down south. However, Nick later reveals that he’s sealed the deal on the sale Robert is the new sole owner so they can pursue the house.

Carla is horrified as Tracy makes it clear there’s now

1975: National Front rallies against Europe nothing to stop her from telling Nick about her fling with Robert...

In the second episode, as Tracy lords it over the staff at the Bistro, Carla is sick with worry that Tracy will tell all to Nick. Feigning a headache, Carla leaves.

At the same time, Tracy is irritated by Nick’s happiness as he looks forward to a carefree future. As Robert berates her for throwing her weight around and bitching about Carla, Tracy storms out.

Tracy then proves to Carla that she now has the upper hand by ringing Nick on her mobile. Panicked, Carla smashes Tracy’s

phone before she can say anything. Tracy grins smugly and tells a shaken Carla that she owes her a phone.

In Eastenders, When Billy is called into work, it means that Phil has to take care of Janet and Will in the Easter egg hunt organised by Nancy.

Phil also tries to make amends with Ben, but his son shares some upsetting words which send him straight back to the bottle for comfort. Distracted by this, Phil loses Janet leaving Billy and Honey frantic with worry.

It’s not long before Nancy

07:00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:20 Dinner Date 08:10 Ellen DeGeneres 09:00 Emmerdale 10:00 You’ve Been Framed 11:00 Catchphrase 11:45 Film Nim’s Island (U) 13:45 Emmerdale 14:45 Film Ella Enchanted (PG) 16:40 Film - Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (U) 18:25 Film - Despicable Me (U) 20:15 Film - Liar Liar (12) 22:00 Film - Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (12) 23:50 Family Guy 00:50 American Dad 01:40 Two and a Half Men 02:10 The Cleveland Show ITV3 07:00 Rising Damp 08:10 Film - Carry on Don’t Lose Your Head (PG) 10:00 Rising Damp 11:30 Film On the Buses (PG) 13:20 Film - Mutiny on the Buses (PG) 15:10 Film - Holiday on the Buses (PG) 16:55 Rising Damp 18:55 Doc Martin 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 A Touch of Frost 01:10 Film - Private Benjamin (15) 03:20 Long Lost Family 04:10 Rory Bremner’s Great British Views 05:50 On the Buses ITV4 07:00 Hogan’s Heroes 08:00 The Chase 09:00 The Professionals 10:05 The Sweeney 11:05 Ax Men 11:55 Film - Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (PG) 13:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 18:15 Storage Wars 18:40 The Professionals 19:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 00:15 Film - Coogan’s Bluff (15) 02:10 Film - Child’s Play 3 (18)

07:00 Peter Hurst, 10:00 Trev Massey, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Gordon Lack 19:00 Andy James finds Janet eating chocolate in the barrel store, so she reunites her with a relieved Honey and Billy.

Despite Billy’s grateful words about Nancy, Mick still refuses to look Nancy in the eye and she storms off. Lee reminds Mick that Nancy organised today to try and reunite the family, but will Mick be prepared to listen?

Saturday 26th March

6 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 MasterChef 13:00 News 13:10 Football Focus 13:50 Saturday Sportsday 14:00 Can Seb Coe Save Athletics? 14:30 World Half Marathon Championships 16:30 Film - The Princess and the Frog (U) 18:00 News 18:20 Pointless 19:10 Can’t Touch This 20:00 The Voice UK Superstar coaches william, Boy George, Paloma Faith and Ricky Wilson bring their teams to the quarter-finals of The Voice UK to sing live in front of the nation, for a place in the semi-finals 21:55 The National Lottery Live Hosted by Gaby Roslin 22:05 The Voice UK Live results show 22:35 Casualty On a terrifying day, Connie realises how much Jacob means to her 23:25 News 23:45 Film Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (12) 01:40 Film - Biker Boyz (12) 04:25 Weather for the Week Ahead 04:30 News

07:00 Bottom Knocker Street 07:25 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 07:45 Sooty 08:00 Super 4 08:10 Looped 08:30 Scrambled 08:35 Mr Bean 08:50 Horrid Henry 09:10 Nerds and Monsters 09:30 Jessie 10:05 Tom and Jerry 10:25 Thunderbirds are Go 11:15 Murder, She Wrote 12:10 Jeremy Kyle 13:15 News 13:20 Jeremy Kyle 14:25 Judge Rinder 15:25 The Chase 16:25 Planet’s Got 20:00 Tribes, Predators Talent 16:55 Film - Free and Me Gordon Buchanan Willy 3: The Rescue (U) learns how tribal cultures 18:35 News hunt and live alongside dangerous animals 19:00 Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 21:00 Perry and Croft: Ant and Dec host the funMade in Britain Looking at packed live family enterthe changes in morality and tainment show, with Star attitudes towards romance Wars legend Mark Hamill and relationships as this week’s guest announcer Army Dad’s 21:30 Mainwaring orders his pla- 20:30 International toon to guard the bank Football Germany v England Live. England face 22:00 Being the Brontes a true test of their Euro Martha Kearney explores 2016 credentials against the life and times of the champions Germany in author and her siblings Berlin

07:00 This is BBC Two 09:05 Film - The Captive Heart (PG) 10:40 The Women’s Football Show 11:10 Homes Under the Hammer 12:10 Natural World 13:00 Rick Stein 14:00 Talking Pictures 14:45 Film - The Heroes of Telemark (U) 16:50 Flog It 17:15 Big Dreams Small Spaces 18:15 Gardeners’ World 18:45 Easter from King’s

23:00 Film - Jane Eyre (PG) 00:50 Film - Passion (15) 03:25 Monteverdi in Mantua 04:25 The World’s Most Expensive Stolen Paintings 05:25 Mozart in Prague

20:00 Countryfile The team explore the three counties of Herefordshire, Worcestershire and Gloucestershire 21:00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team head for the elegant Royal Hall in Harrogate

06:55 Great British Garden Revival 07:55 This Farming Life 08:55 Gardeners’ World 09:25 An Island Parish 09:55 Countryfile 10:55 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:25 The Best Dishes Ever 13:25 Film King of Kings (U) 16:00 Flog It 16:30 Tim Rice - A Life in Song 18:00 The Secret History of My Family 19:00 Springwatch 20:00 Gareth Malone’s Great Choir Reunion Gareth tracks down members from all his choirs for one huge reunion party Born Natural 21:00 Winners Giants from the world of athletics, rugby and super biking compete against local champions 22:00 Tribes, Predators and Me Gordon joins a group of Bushmen to learn how to survive on foot among wild lions

22:00 The Night Manager Roper and his team return to Cairo for the deal, reuniting Pine with an old enemy.

Pine risks it all to put his plan in motion. A discredited Burr makes one last 23:00 Thirteen 00:00 The People v OJ Simpson: stand American Crime Story 23:00 News 23:30 Would I 00:50 Film - Youth Without 02:50 (15) Lie to You? 00:00 Film - Youth Little Fockers (12) 01:30 Countryfile 03:45 Holby Weather for the Week City 04:45 Film - Hockney (15) Ahead 01:35 News

20:00 The World’s Weirdest Weather Examining the factors that create caves of sapphires, blue lava, rainbowcoloured clouds and perfect cubes, lead to gatherings of walruses, or cause snow and beaches to disappear 21:00 Shakespeare’s Tomb Documentary charting a two-year-long archeological investigation of William Shakespeare’s grave at Holy Trinity Church in Stratford-uponAvon

22:00 Film - The Heat (15) An uptight FBI Special Agent is paired with a foulmouthed Boston cop to take down a ruthless drug 23:00 The Jonathan Ross lord Show 00:05 News 00:20 International Football 00:25 Film - The Change(15) 03:30 Hollyoaks Highlights 01:15 Up Omnibus 05:40 Sarah Jackpot247 05:00 Murder, Beeny’s How to Sell Your She Wrote Home

Easter Sunday 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 News 11:00 Easter Sunday Worship Live From St Albans Cathedral 12:00 Urbi et Orbi 2016 12:25 Homes Under the Hammer 13:10 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:15 Father Brown 15:00 Escape to the Country 15:25 The Boat Race 18:00 A Question of Sport 18:30 Songs of Praise 19:05 Paul O’Grady: The Sally Army and Me 19:35 News

07:15 How I Met Your Mother 08:05 Mountain Biking 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 The Morning Line 11:00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD 12:00 The Superhumans Show 12:30 The Big Bang Theory 13:25 The Simpsons 14:30 Racing: Haydock Park, Kempton and Meydan 17:00 Racing: Dubai World Cup 18:30 Speed with Guy Martin 19:30 News

07:00 Milkshake 09:55 The Fairly Odd Parents 10:30 The Saturday Show Live 12:30 Police Interceptors 13:30 Film Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (PG) 15:35 Film Columbo: By Dawn’s Early Light (12) 17:20 Columbo 19:20 NCIS: Los Angeles

14:40 Scorpion 15:40 Film - Evan Almighty (PG) 17:35 Britain’s Got More Talent 18:40 Film - The Mummy (12) 21:00 Film - The BackUp Plan (12) 23:05 Celebrity Juice 23:50 Family Guy

20:05 NCIS: New Orleans The team cross swords with the Triads when they try to stop the flow of a deadly new hallucinogen that is threatening to flood the city

ITV3

21:00 NCIS The NCIS team must determine if the murder of a Navy commander’s wife is linked to her profession as a therapist or an act of terrorism 21:55 News National and international news 22:00 Football League Tonight Kelly Cates and George Riley present the highlights from SkyBet League 1 and 2 22:40 Live Championship Boxing Nick Blackwell defends his British middleweight title against Chris Eubank Jr 01:15 Super Casino 05:10 Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

12:20 Film - Carry on Loving (PG) 13:05 Film Carry on Jack (PG) 15:00 Film - Carry on Cleo (PG) 16:55 Rising Damp 18:55 Doc Martin 20:00 Midsomer Murders 22:00 Rising Damp Forever 23:00 Film - Rising Damp (U) 01:05 Blue Murder ITV4 13:10 Film - Gunsmoke (15) 13:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 18:15 Pawn Stars 18:45 Storage Wars Texas 19:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 00:15 Film - The Wicker Man (15)

09:00 The Weekend Mix, 12:00 Suzy G, 15:00 Keith Nicol

Sunday 27th March 07:00 Bottom Knocker Street 07:25 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 07:45 Share a Story 07:50 Sooty 08:05 Super 4 08:15 Looped 08:30 Scrambled 08:35 Mr Bean 08:50 Horrid Henry 09:10 Nerds and Monsters 09:30 Bear Grylls Survival School 10:05 Tom and Jerry 10:25 Thunderbirds are Go 11:20 Murder, She Wrote 12:25 Jeremy Kyle 13:25 News 13:35 Film - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (U) 15:35 Big Star’s Little Star 16:35 Off Their Rockers 17:10 Film - A View to a Kill (PG) 19:35 News

07:00 How I Met Your Mother 07:45 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces 14:30 The Big Bang Theory 15:50 Film - The Great Mouse Detective (U) 17:25 Film - Hop (U) 19:15 Ice Age: The Great EggScapade 19:40 News 20:00 The Secret Life of the Zoo The Hi Way elephant family have been hit with a potentially deadly virus affecting animals in captivity and in the wild

20:00 The Chase Celebrity Special Hayley Tamaddon, Geoff Hurst, Rob Beckett and Gaby Roslin hope to win thousands of pounds for charity

21:00 Great Canal Journeys Timothy West and Prunella Scales continue their Swedish canal odyssey, travelling west to east across the breadth of the country

21:00 Our Queen at 90 Documentary following the Queen and members of the royal family during the year in which she became the country’s longest-reigning monarch

22:00 Indian Summers As Aafrin reels from last week’s murder, he is forced to play umpire in a ‘friendly’ game of cricket between rival British and Indian politicians

23:00 News 23:15 The Road to Coronation Street 00:55 Rugby Highlights 01:45 Jackpot247 04:00 ITV Nightscreen

23:00 Gogglebox 00:00 Film - Inglourious Basterds (18) 02:45 Embarrassing Bodies 03:40 Come Dine with Me

07:00 Milkshake 11:40 Goal Rush 12:20 Now That’s Funny 13:25 Pets Make You Laugh Out Loud 14:25 Dogs Make You Laugh Out Loud 15:25 Film - Watership Down (U) 17:10 Greatest Animated Movies 20:00 Now That’s Funny Family-friendly comedy clip show featuring usergenerated video content from around the world

14:20 Film - Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (U) 15:20 Film - Ella Enchanted (PG) 17:55 Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 19:30 Film - The Mummy Returns (12) 22:00 Ibiza Weekender 23:00 Family Guy 23:30 Bordertown 00:00 Family Guy ITV3

21:00 Penn and Teller: Fool Us in Vegas Jonathan Ross introduces more magic acts determined to dazzle the duo, featuring card tricks set to instrumental music, a performance of prediction and a spirited illusion

13:10 Film - Carry on Girls (PG) 15:00 Film - Carry on Matron (PG) 16:50 Rising Damp 18:50 Doc Martin 19:55 Film - Rising Damp (U) 22:00 Rising Damp Forever 23:00 Film Steptoe and Son (PG)

21:55 News National and international news

ITV4

22:00 Film - Due Date (15) High-strung father-tobe Peter Highman is forced to hitch a ride with Ethan actor aspiring Tremblay on a road trip in order to make it to his child’s birth on time 00:00 Film - The Bounty Hunter (12) 02:05 Super Casino 04:10 The Tube: Going Underground

13:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 18:15 Pawn Stars 18:45 Storage Wars 19:45 Snooker: Players Championship Live 00:15 Film - Tin Cup (15)

09:00 The Weekend Mix, 12:00 Suzy G, 15:00 Tony De Love

7

8 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 Heir Hunters 10:45 Homes Under the Hammer 11:45 Call the Council 12:30 Caught Red Handed 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:30 Doctors 15:00 Father Brown 15:50 Think Tank 16:35 Escape to the Country 17:20 The TV That Made Me 18:05 Flog It 18:45 Pointless 19:30 News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Film - Wallace and Gromit: The Wrong Trousers (U) Wallace and his canine companion Gromit’s happy home life is disrupted by a pair of techno-trousers and a mysterious penguin with a cunning criminal plan. The result is a bizarre jewellery heist and a breathtaking chase 21:00 EastEnders The Mitchells are left outraged

by Phil’s latest act 21:30 Film - Marvel’s Avengers Assemble (12) Earth’s mightiest heroes must come together and learn to fight as a team if they are to stop the mischievous Loki and his alien army from enslaving humanity 23:40 News 00:05 Cuckoo 00:35 The Graham Norton Show 01:20 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:25 News

Easter Monday 07:10 Film - The Private Affairs of Bel Ami 09:00 Film - The Amazing Mr Blunden (U) 10:35 Film Secretariat (U) 12:30 Natural World 13:30 Film Fall of the Roman Empire (U) 16:20 Coast Australia 17:15 Rivers with Griff Rhys Jones 18:15 Eggheads 18:45 Antiques Road Trip 19:30 Too Much TV 20:00 This Farming Life Sybil prepares for George’s 50th birthday and the arrival of her sister and niece from England

07:00 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 07:25 Super 4 07:55 Oddbods 08:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Thunderbirds are Go 11:20 Film - The Railway Children (U) 13:30 Gok’s Lunchbox 14:25 News 14:40 All Star Family Fortunes 15:25 Judge Rinder 16:25 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:25 Tipping Point 18:25 The Chase 19:25 News 20:00 Emmerdale Ashley drops a bombshell

21:00 University Challenge Quiz

20:30 Coronation Street Tracy’s excitement quickly turns to anger

21:30 An Island Parish Frank and Jem Roberts prepare their Shetland ponies for the prestigious pony assessment

21:00 Further Tales from Northumberland with Robson Green Robson follows the route of St Oswald’s Way

22:00 The People v OJ Simpson: American Crime Story Detectives work hand-in-glove with the prosecutors to find flashier evidence for the jury

21:30 Coronation Street Michelle gets a blast from her past

22:40 Eddie Izzard Documentary following the comedian as he pushes his body and sense of humour to the limit for Sport Relief 23:40 QI XL 00:25 Natural Born Winners 01:25 Behind Closed Doors 02:25 The Celebrity Apprentice USA 04:00 Frankenstein and the Vampyre: A Dark and Stormy Night

22:00 Maigret A young woman on her way to get medicine for her sick child is stabbed to death. Chief Inspector Maigret is called to the crime scene under huge pressure, for the victim is the fourth woman to be killed on the streets of Montmartre within a few weeks 00:00 News 00:15 The Jonathan Ross Show 01:15 Jackpot247 04:00Jeremy Kyle 04:55 ITV Nightscreen

Monday 28th March 07:00 How I Met Your Mother 07:25 The Goldbergs 08:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:40 Frasier 10:40 The Big Bang Theory 11:40 The Simpsons 12:40 Film - A Goofy Movie (U) 14:10 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A New Life in the Sun 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 20:15 Guy Martin’s Wall of Death: Live In this extraordinary live TV event, Guy will take on his most daring and extreme world record attempt yet, on the largest Wall of Death ever made 22:00 The Island with Bear Grylls The survival challenge returns as 16 new contestants see if they can live on an uninhabited island armed with just the clothes they stand up in and a few basic tools.

23:00 Fresh Meat 23:50 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 00:50 One Born Every Minute 01:50 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 02:50 Undercover Boss USA 03:40 How to Sell Your Home 04:10 Selling Houses 05:05 Location, Location, Location

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:30 Fail Army 13:00 Cowboy Builders 13:55 News 14:00 Home and Away 14:30 Neighbours 15:00 NCIS: New Orleans 15:55 Film The Dirty Dozen (15) 18:45 News 19:00 Neighbours 19:30 Home and Away 20:00 Inside Buckingham Palace This episode looks back over the more than sixty years since the Queen ascended to the throne and looks ahead to ask what might happen to the Palace when Charles becomes King

ITV3 21:00 Inside Buckingham Palace With the help of previously unseen documents including secret letters to the former Edward VIII, this episode looks at some of the stormier years experienced at the Palace including the war years 22:00 The Tube: Going Underground At Victoria, the closure of the ticket office creates problems and Greenford opens a new lift that goes sideways 23:00 Gotham 23:55 Goal Rush 01:00 Person of Interest 01:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:15 Super Casino 04:10 Castle 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:20 The Great Artists 05:45 House Doctor

DON´T MISS

GUY MARTIN’S WALL OF DEATH

CHANNEL 4 20:15

SOAPS

Steve Jones presents as motorcycle racer and mechanic Guy Martin attempts to build the world’s largest Wall of Death, taking on a stunt that involves riding a motorbike around a vertical wall at high speed. In this live show, Guy will attempt to go faster and further than ever before, scaling new heights on an enormous wall that has been specially constructed from shipping containers. The programme also shows his training under Ken Fox, as well as looking at the science involved and highlighting the massive G forces he’ll need

ready to carry out her and Charity’s plan. Soon the fire alarm goes off and Charity ushers everyone out. Holly heads down to the cellar, but is greeted

by Moira. Has Charity stitched her up?

In Emmerdale, Laurel tells Harriet that she is worried Ashley has lost his faith and urges her to talk to him.

Ashley is clearly contemplating his future, but could he be considering a life-changing decision?

Meanwhile, Holly positions herself in the pub,

In Coronation Street, By way of thanks for all her help, Robert presents Tracy with a necklace.

Tracy is thrilled and plans to give him a special treat

in return. Soon afterwards, Robert and Leanne organise a farewell drinks party for Nick and Carla.

However, as they all gather, Tracy drags Robert outside to show him her special present. Robert is horrified to find a man replacing the Nick’s Bistro sign with a new one. He orders him to stop and Tracy’s excitement quickly turns to anger.

Tracy lays into Robert, before turning her anger on Carla and asking Nick how he can think of marrying an ‘alcoholic, cheating old witch’. Carla slaps Tracy, as Robert drags her inside. Is Tracy about to reveal all?

07:00 Dinner Date 07:50 You’ve Been Framed 08:45 Emmerdale 09:15 Coronation Street 10:20 You’ve Been Framed 11:20 Film - Peter Pan (PG) 13:35 Emmerdale 14:05 Coronation Street 15:00 The Nation’s Favourite Disney Song 16:05 Film Happy Feet (U) 18:10 Film - Despicable Me (U) 20:05 Film - Evan Almighty (PG) 22:00 Family Guy 22:30 Bordertown 23:00 Family Guy 23:30 American Dad 00:30 The Cleveland Show 01:30 Two and a Half Men 02:20 Celebrity Juice 03:05 @Elevenish

07:00 Movies Now 07:10 Film - Holiday on the Buses (PG) 08:45 Rising Damp Forever 09:50 Rising Damp 11:20 Film - Carry on Jack (PG) 13:10 Film Carry on at Your Convenience (PG) 15:05 Film - Carry on Again, Doctor (PG) 16:55 Rising Damp 18:55 Doc Martin 21:00 Rosemary and Thyme 22:00 Long Lost Family 23:00 A Touch of Frost 01:05 Wycliffe 02:10 Rising Damp 03:05 ITV3 Nightscreen ITV4 07:00 Hogan’s Heroes 07:55 The Chase 08:55 The Professionals 09:55 The Sweeney 10:55 Ax Men 11:55 The Chase 12:55 The Professionals 13:55 Hogan’s Heroes 15:00 Film - Shalako (PG) 17:15 Film - The Rawhide Years 19:00 Storage Wars 20:00 Rugby Highlights 21:00 Ax Men 22:00 Film Public Enemies (15) 00:45 Storage Wars 01:15 Rugby Highlights 02:15 Film Police Academy (15)

07:00 Peter Hurst, 10:00 Trev Massey, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Gordon Lack 19:00 Andy James In the second episode, Robert demands to know what lengths Tracy went to for him. Tracy backtracks and makes out that she raised the £10,000 for the Bistro by flogging a batch of dodgy gear. Robert is disapproving but buys her story, suggesting that from now on, they agree not to interfere in each other’s businesses In Eastenders, Abi has suffered a fall at the Queen Vic and Aunt Babe has a plan to use it to their advantage.

Not long afterwards, Kathy arrives to tell Ben that Abi has been to hospital after what happened.

Later at The Vic, a guilty Abi tells a heartbroken Ben that she has lost the baby, but she is later upset to see him being comforted by Paul. Has Abi lost Ben despite her best efforts?

Meanwhile, Ben is also trying to help Phil following his latest drunken behaviour, but they’re interrupted when Louise arrives to see her dad. Ben sends Louise away as Phil is in no fit state to see her. He then turns to Ronnie for help and claims that Phil isn’t capable of looking after the businesses with his current problems.

When Ben and Ronnie get

Ritchie on board and try to talk to Phil, he reacts badly by kicking everyone out of his house and declaring that nobody is taking over his businesses.

Later, after the heartbreaking news about the baby, Ben approaches a drunken Phil while he’s asleep on the sofa.

Clutching a pillow, will Ben do the unthinkable?

Tuesday 29th March 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Caught Red Handed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Think Tank 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 The TV That Made Me 17:30 Flog It 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show 20:30 EastEnders Linda tries to get through to Mick 21:00 Holby City It’s Arthur and Morven’s engagement party and Arthur receives some life-shattering news 22:00 The A Word Following Joe’s autism diagnosis Paul, Alison and Rebecca clash over how best to deal with his first weeks at school.

Meanwhile, Eddie is troubled by thoughts of Nicola’s ex-lover Michael, and Maurice tries hard to avoid his singing teacher, Louise.

Drama, starring Christopher Eccleston, Lee Ingleby and Molly Wright 23:00 News 23:45 Life in Debt Valley 00:45 Facelifts and Fillers 01:45 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:50 News

07:00 Show Me the Monet 07:45 Talking Pictures 08:30 Flog it! Trade Secrets 09:00 Gardeners’ World 09:30 Great British Railway Journeys 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 13:05 The Super League Show 13:50 Wogan: The Best of 14:35 Film - The Triple Cross (PG) 16:40 The Indian Doctor 17:25 Coast Australia 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Too Much TV 20:00 This Farming Life Martin prepares two young bulls for the Royal Highland Show in Edinburgh 21:00 Bake Off Crème de la Crème Three teams of pastry are challenged to make more than 100 perfect miniature pastries 22:00 Inside Obama’s White House How Obama set out to end Bush’s wars in the Middle East and reset relations with the rest of the world 23:00 Scrappers 23:30 Newsnight 00:15 The Women’s Football Show 00:45 Horizon 01:45 Jo Brand’s Hell of a Walk 02:45 This Farming Life 03:45 Australia 04:45 Italy Unpacked 05:45 This is BBC Two

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Gok’s Lunchbox 14:30 News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale David gets some news 20:30 International Football England v Netherlands (Kick-off 900pm) Mark Pougatch presents coverage of the friendly match at Wembley Stadium, as Roy Hodgson’s side continue their preparations for Euro 2016. Surprisingly, the Dutch will not be involved in this summer’s tournament in France, having finished a very disappointing fourth in their qualification group, below Czech Republic, Iceland and Turkey, which was not even enough to merit a play-off place. Ajax legend Danny Blind took over the managerial reins from Guus Hiddink during that campaign, but could not lead Oranje to the finals.

With analysis from Ian Wright and Lee Dixon, and commentary by Clive Tyldesley and Glenn Hoddle News 23:55 23:15 International Football Highlights 01:05 The Cube 01:55 Jackpot247 04:00 ITV Nightscreen

9 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The Goldbergs 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Shipping Wars 13:00 News 13:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A New Life in the Sun 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 21:00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners Specialist crime scene cleaner Mick who spends up to four hours a day keeping his one bedroom flat spotless helps Rosemary and Julian with their cluttered and chaotic home 22:00 One Born Every Minute With the maternity ward full, three couples manage to get a room, but have different experiences 23:00 First Dates 00:05 24 Hours in A and E 01:10 Poker Stars and MonteCarlo Casino Ept Grand Final 02:05 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:30 Gillette World Sport 03:00 Mountain Biking 03:55 The Superhumans Show 04:20 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free 05:15 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film - While I Was Gone (U) 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 Police Interceptors The interceptors are outnumbered and outmuscled when they stop a coach load of cage fighters following an anonymous tip that there are drugs on board 21:00 Britain’s Horror Homes Lucy and Ben are facing a mighty battle against uncontrollable mould and Richie and Siobhan return from their honeymoon to find their home ruined by a flood 22:00 Benefits by the Sea: Jaywick Recovering alcoholic JP and partner Sarah return home to find they have been burgled, and JP is convinced that he knows who did it 23:00 Most Shocking Moments in Pop 01:50 Lip Sync Battle UK 02:15 Super Casino 04:10 Castle 05:00 Nick’s Quest 05:25 The Great Artists

DON´T MISS

ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE

Channel4 22:00

SOAPS

In Emmerdale, David is concerned that Pollard might have prostate cancer after looking into his symptoms. Pollard agrees to go to the doctors, but only if David will get himself checked out too.

Later, when both men go ahead with their appointments, Doctor Bailey also encourages David to get

The midwives at Liverpool Women’s Hospital face the mother of all shifts. With the maternity ward full, three couples manage to get a room, but have different experiences. Self-confessed princess Sarah and her devoted fiancé Chris arrive eight weeks earlier than expected.

Big kid Gary strives to grow up and become the responsible father and husband that his partner Claire demands.

And Mormons Chloe and Daniel hope their new baby will bring them a step closer to the large and busy family they dream of.

checked over while he’s there. Meanwhile, Moira tells Holly that she’ll be working at the garage to pay back her debts. Later, Moira confides in Adam that Holly has been taking drugs again and she’s had to pay off her dealer. Moira is determined to keep her daughter safe this time, but is that really the end of it?

Elsewhere, Laurel accepts when Ashley assures her that he’s made the right decision. Harriet is more worried about the situation when Ashley goes to call the bishop.

Also today, Victoria is excited when Megan says

she’ll sort out an agreement with her street food business, Rishi tells Lisa that he’d like to look at the house as he’s interested in the land, while Leyla reassures Jacob that Tracy fancying David is nothing to worry about.

In Eastenders, Sharon walks in to find Ben attempting to suffocate Phil and quickly stops him.

07:00 The Hot Desk 07:10 Dinner Date 08:00 You’ve Been Framed 09:00 Emmerdale 09:30 Coronation Street 10:35 Catchphrase 11:15 Dinner Date 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:35 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 19:50 The Hot Desk 20:00 You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Film Practical Magic (12) 23:05 Film - Practical Magic (12) 00:10 Family Guy 01:10 American Dad 02:05 Two and a Half Men ITV3 07:00 Movies Now 07:10 Rising Damp 07:35 Heartbeat 08:35 Where the Heart is 09:40 The Royal 10:40 Judge Judy 12:00 Noah’s Ark 13:05 Murder, She Wrote 14:05 Heartbeat 15:05 The Royal 16:10 Where the Heart is 17:15 Doctor in the House 17:50 In Loving Memory 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 A Touch of Frost 01:10 Noah’s Ark 02:10 Where the Heart is ITV4 07:00 Hogan’s Heroes 07:55 The Chase 08:55 The Sweeney 09:55 The Professionals 10:55 Ax Men 11:55 The Chase 12:55 The Sweeney 14:00 Storage Wars 15:50 Hogan’s Heroes 16:55 The Sweeney 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Storage Wars 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 The Chase: Celebrity Special 22:00 Film - Eraser (15) 00:20 Film - The Wicker Man (15) 02:10 The Sweeney 03:05 Hogan’s Heroes

07:00 Peter Hurst, 10:00 Trev Massey, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Gordon Lack When Sharon comforts Ben, a furious Phil tells them to leave - but Sharon makes a threat of her own and forces Phil to go instead. Not long afterwards, Ben goes missing.

Soon afterwards, Phil’s behaviour spirals out of control and he begins to destroy The Arches. The situation becomes even more horrifying when Phil gets into a digger and starts to destroy the car lot too. As the horrified residents look on, they quickly realise someone is inside.

Has Phil just killed someone?

With tensions running high for everyone, Shirley finds

Ben in McKlunky’s. She has Heather on her mind and gives Ben a reality check about what he’s done in the past, adding that Phil is already being punished. Taking this on board, Ben goes to find Phil at the destroyed car lot and comforts his devastated dad.

Meanwhile, Abi finds herself with a new crisis to worry about when Babe threatens to reveal that she was never pregnant.

Elsewhere, Tamwar attempts to reunite Nancy with her family. Linda also begs Mick to make amends with Nancy, but he insists that Ollie has

changed and stands his ground by telling his wife that he can never forgive their daughter.

In Holby City, Arthur receives some shattering news during his engagement party, and Adele makes a startling decision when an old friend is readmitted to Darwin.

Meanwhile, complications arise when Cara finally makes a move on Raf.

10

CODE CRACKER

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD

Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week's puzzle, 2 represents L and 6 represents K, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES

QUICKIE

Across 1 Go read new bookmark (3-3) 4 They all moved at the same pace for the arch (6) 9 Tear bit off cleric’s cap (7) 10 Dirt in jug rim edge (5) 11 Plant at the southern border (5) 12 Tried to work out in Michigan (7) 13 Horrid ashes produced pungent condiment (11) 18 Plenty follow old church cats (7) 20 Light wood from herbal samples (5) 22 Little Alfred returned with me, sweetheart (5) 23 Bodyguards for the lawless sectors (7) 24 Tool for one who’s over the top on stage (6) 25 Lower to catch the girl (6) STANDARD CLUES

Across 1 Permit (5) 4 Sequence (5) 6 Before (3) 7 Hangs about (5) 8 Comes round (5) 10 Owns (3) 12 Tempo (4) 14 Contract (4) 15 Loud (5) 16 Elderly (4) 18 Be paid (4) 20 Gamble (3) 22 Dish up (5) 23 Picture (5) 24 Snooze (3)

25 Uninterested (5) 26 Ledge (5) Down 2 Smallest amount (5) 3 Clean (4) 4 Bovines (4) 5 Foot joint (5) 7 Shrieks (7) 9 Stillness (7) 11 Get up (5) 13 Finish (3) 14 Colouring (3) 17 Mistake (5) 19 Conscious (5) 20 Curve (4) 21 Hints (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Moist, 4 Midst, 7 Nightmare, 8 Sick, 10 Boxer, 12 Minuet, 13 Stub, 16 Terminate, 18 Hilly, 19 Signs.

Down: 1 Minus, 2 Inn, 3 Toga, 4 Mutton, 5 Dialect, 6 Toes, 9 Control, 11 Verify, 12 Match, 14 Basis, 15 Bass, 17 Egg.

Scribble Pad

Across 1 Page marker (3-3) 4 Keeping pace (6) 9 Roman Catholic priest’s hat (7) 10 Filth (5) 11 Rush-like plant (5) 12 Motor City (7) 13 Plant root used for seasoning (11) 18 Panther cats (7) 20 Strong lightweight wood (5) 22 Blaze (5) 23 Accompanies (7) 24 Mallet (6) 25 Posterior (6)

Down 1 Pollute seabed badly (6) 2 Wounded in the Al Gore dining room (5) 3 In German them strange hymns (7) 5 Fall behind it at the end of the day (5) 6 They have three legs, so drops it by mistake (7) 7 Fast passage for others in shipping line (6) 8 In serious difficulties with herds spread all over the place (4,7) 14 Swimming stroke not used by Chappell in infamous cricket match (4,3) 15 She came out with frilly lace, a disaster! (7) 16 Sponge found in toilet, note (6) 17 Was confused in her cable (6) 19 Huge gong around middle of chests (5) 21 Leafy tree left on a Roman Catholic hospital (5) Down 1 Humiliate (6) 2 Injured by a bull (5) 3 Songs of praise (7) 5 Hours of darkness (5) 6 Camera stands (7) 7 Suddenly (6) 8 Short of (4,7) 14 Bowling style (4,3) 15 Disaster (7) 16 Washing sponge (6) 17 Large rope (6) 19 Overweight (5) 21 Conifer (5)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Awed, 3 Contract, 9 Protest, 10 Plane, 11 Thyme, 12 Abroad, 14 Tussle, 16 Panama, 19 Gamble, 21 Ovoid, 24 Ouija, 25 Orifice, 26 Sing sing, 27 Gnat.

Down: 1 Appetite, 2 Ebony, 4 Outlaw, 5 Taper, 6 Alabama, 7 Tees, 8 Repeal, 13 Bawdiest, 15 Sea-lion, 17 Adonis, 18 Bemoan, 20 Brass, 22 Onion, 23 Rods.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words An As At By He Hi If Ma Of Or So Up 3 letter words Ate Boo Dog Ear Eat

Gag Gap Lob Née Oft Red Tie 5 letter words Abash Afoot Alert Alias Alien Aloes Aorta Arose Aural Catch Catty

Chase Cleat Colds Dooms Highs Lagos Manos Maths Opera Pants Pasta Seals Sneak Steak Stoat Types Yeast

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 7 Solapas (de chaqueta) (6) 8 Dueños (de casa, coche, perro) (6) 9 Alone (4) 10 To warn (8) 11 Shelf (7) 13 Agua (5) 15 Acordar (precio, fecha) (5) 17 Lemonade (7) 20 El más sucio (8) 21 Seguro (4) 22 White (f) (6) 23 Goma de borrar (6)

Down 1 Canoes (6) 2 Hay (4) 3 Enamel (7) 4 Dust (in house, on ground) (5) 5 Aumentar (tamaño) (8) 6 Llegar (movimiento, destino, procedencia) (6) 12 Olive (8) 14 Pareja (compañero) (7) 16 Cricket (insect) (6) 18 Frying pan (6) 19 Retraso (5) 21 Chasquido (de dedos) (4)

11 Quiz Word Across 1 In which city in northeastern Massachusetts did witchcraft trials take place in 1692? (5) 4 What name is given to any of several related languages of the Celts in Ireland and Scotland? (6) 9 Which regulatory substance is produced in an organism and transported in tissue fluids such as blood or sap to stimulate specific cells or tissues into action? (7) 10 What was the surname of the first woman to sit in the House of Commons? (5) 11 What is the name of the period preceding Easter, which in the Christian Church is devoted to fasting, abstinence, and penitence in commemoration of Christ’s fasting in the wilderness? (4) 12 Which British 80s pop duo consisted of Vince Clarke and Andy Bell? (7) 13 Which small domesticated carnivorous mammal with soft fur, has a short snout, and retractile claws? (3) 14 What was the title of the former monarch of Iran? (4) 16 What was the name of glam-rock band fronted by guitarist, singer and songwriter Marc Bolan? (1,3) 18 Balmoral Castle stands on which river? (3) 20 What is the surname of the dramatist who wrote the 1956 play Look Back in Anger? (7) 21 Who was the Greek goddess of victory? (4) 24 What name is given to the final and fully developed adult stage of an insect? (5) 25 What is the name of the platform extending into an auditorium, along which models parade to display clothes in fashion shows? (7)

SUDOKU

26 What word can mean both ‘slightly drunk’ and ‘very small’? (6) 27 Which river that rises in eastern Cambridgeshire and flows eastward through East Anglia, forms most of the

county boundary between Suffolk and Essex? (5) Down 1 What was the surname of the creator of the Peanuts cartoon strip? (6) 2 What was the surname of the Italian actress who married film producer Carlo Ponti in 1957? (5) 3 What name is given to any natural satellite of a planet? (4) 5 What name is given to a menu having individual dishes listed with separate prices? (1,2,5) 6 Which cultivated plant of the daisy family has edible leaves that are often an ingredient of salads? (7) 7 What name is given to an association of manufacturers or suppliers with the purpose of maintaining prices at a high level and restricting competition? (6) 8 Which headgear is a round flattish cap of felt or cloth typically worn by French peasants? (5) 13 What is the name of the stick of black carbon material used for drawing? (8) 15 What was the surname of the American science-fiction writer who founded Scientology? (7) 17 What name was given to a local, district, or national council in the former USSR? (6) 18 What name is given to a score of 40 all in a game of tennis? (5) 19 What is the surname of the first unseeded player to win the Wimbledon men’s singles title? (6) 22 Boise is the capital and largest city of which US state? (5) 23 Elisha who invented the safety elevator? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Comida Basica-Basic Food Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

TRIVIA QUIZ

1. What is the correct name for food permitted under Moslem laws?

2. On Mohs' Scale of Hardnest, the hardest is diamond what's the softest?

3. Who designed the first 'Iron' ship for Great Britain in 1845?

4. Name the famous English artist who painted mostly horses?

5. What is studied in the science of somatology?

6. Who was nicknamed 'The desert Fox'?

7. What are Munroes?

8. What does a geophage enjoy?

9. Gondolas in Venice are traditionally what colour?

10. What tanker caused a severe oil spill in 1989?

11. There are 16 bottles of Champagne in a what?

12. Shane Fenton is better known as?

13. What country had an airline called Rottnest?

14. Tigers have stripped fur, what colour is their skin?

15. What city was once called York?

ANSWERS 1. Hal-al 2. Talc 3. I. Kingdom Brunel 4. George Stubbs 5. The Body 6. Erwin Rommel 7. Mountains in Scotland 8. Eating earth 9. Black 10. Exxon Valdez (Alaska) 11. Balthazar 12. Alvin Stardust 13. Australia 14. Stripped 15. Toronto, by British governor 1793

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 7 Oberon, 8 Palate, 10 Anemone, 11 Stern, 12 Iris, 13 Sewer, 17 Haunt, 18 Kate, 22 OJays, 23 Adam Ant, 24 Egg nog, 25 Spells.

Down: 1 Horatio, 2 Genesis, 3 Robot, 4 Banshee, 5 Hades, 6 Henna, 9 Perennial, 14 Bassoon, 15 Parable, 16 Vectis, 19 Bogey, 20 Tango, 21 Harpo.

ARROZ GJ HA CY F V E MB D B A I M AZUCAR P CB A K NF E CAFE X E HL OOX E T T Z E F A QR CARNE E L T MJ OU B CHOCOLATE RZ ORRA E K FRITAS NK OE UNS K E I M M C G O J FRUTAHELADO RA CUZ A OO HUEVOS A R X WE A M Y H E L A D O M C JAMONLECHE A S P OL L OD MERMELADA B J V X B F CX PAN WS J B O D C G

PASTA PATATAS PESCADO POLLO QUESO TERNERA VERDURAS VINO YOGURT ZUMO

Empareja estas palabras - Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.leche, 2.pan, 3.azucar, 4.queso, 5.fruta, 6.verduras, 7.arroz, 8.pasta, 9.cafe,

Soduko

a.cheese b.rice c.fruit d.milk e.bread f.pasta g.sugar h.vegetables i.ham

10.te, 11.yogurt, 12.jamon, 13.mermelada, 14.patatas fritas 15.tomates, 16.zumo, 17.vino, 18.carne,

Span - Eng

j.yogourt k.coffee l. jam m.tea n.meat o.eggs p.beef q.fish r.tomatoes

Quizword

19.huevos, 20.pollo, 21.ternera, 22.pescado, 23.chocolate, 24.helado

s.juice t.wine u.chicken v.icecream w.chips x.chocolate

Answers: 1d, 2e, 3g, 4a, 5c, 6h, 7b, 8f, 9k, 10m, 11j, 12i, 13l, 14w, 15r, 16s, 17t, 18n, 19o, 20u, 21p, 22q, 23x, 24v.

Kidz Corner

P DF J UF L QA OGRHS A P T UA OP Z T T A V UP UA S E T E L MOU A S A A OHP CP L S NNA P ONN T DDCE OS O WO N M M A Z HRNNA T CA RK OJ I CV E RDUR P UB V X B F RS P I S Y K

Fill It In

12

Wednesday 30th March

07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Caught Red Handed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Think Tank 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 The TV That Made Me 17:30 Flog It 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 MasterChef In today’s heat, the contestants must attempt to impress 2013 MasterChef finalists Larkin Cen and Saira Hamilton, and 2013 MasterChef champion Natalie Coleman 22:00 Secret Britain Ellie Harrison, Chris Hollins and Denise Lewis explore the Lake District. Parachuting in - quite literally - Ellie Harrison gets a unique perspective on England’s most popular national park, and she is also let in on the secret of an ancient and long forgotten part of the Cumbrian landscape.

Meanwhile, Denise Lewis gets to the bottom of the Lakes’ dark and illicit past 23:00 News 23:45 A Question of Sport 00:15 Boomers 00:45 Film Snake Eyes (15) 02:20 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:25 News

06:55 Show Me the Monet 07:40 Talking Pictures 08:30 Flog it! Trade Secrets 09:00 Caught Red Handed 09:30 Great British Menu 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The Chef’s Protege 13:30 Terry and Mason’s Great Food Trip 14:00 Wogan: The Best of 14:45 Film - Odette (12) 16:40 The Indian Doctor 17:25 Coast Australia 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Too Much TV 20:00 This Farming Life This final episode features all the farmers reflecting on what each season means to them 21:00 Horizon Horizon looks at dark energy - the mysterious force that is unexpectedly causing the universe’s expansion to speed up 22:00 Employable Me Two more job seekers with Tourette’s and autism try to prove they have strengths that would benefit employers 23:00 Live From the BBC 23:30 Newsnight 00:15 Inside Obama’s White House 01:15 Being the Brontes 02:15 Famous, Rich and Homeless 03:15 The Secret History of My Family 04:15 Australia with Simon Reeve 05:15 Italy Unpacked

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Gok’s Lunchbox 14:30 News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale David asks Leyla for help 20:30 Coronation Street Nick and Carla relax into their new life 21:00 Big Star’s Little Star Stephen Mulhern hosts the fun-filled family entertainment show which lifts the lid on celebrities’ lives through the eyes of their children. Opening themselves up for embarrassment this time are Jamie Theakston and his son Sidney, Shappi Khorsandi and her son Cassius and James Anderson and daughter Lola. Which Little Star will reveal more than they should?

22:00 Grantchester As Gary Bell waits for news about whether he will be offered a reprieve, Geordie and Phil discover a reason to arrest Eddie Jones, a violent husband who beats his wife 23:00 News 23:40 Bear Grylls: Mission Survive 00:45 Richard Wilson on the Road 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 ITV Nightscreen

07:00 Countdown 07:45 The Goldbergs 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Shipping Wars 13:00 News 13:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A New Life in the Sun 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 21:00 The Supervet Professor Noel Fitzpatrick fears the worst when a young cockapoo is hit by a lawnmower 22:00 President Trump: Can He Really Win? Trump has now emerged as the clear front runner for the Republican Presidential nomination.

His popularity has reached fever pitch Matt Frei asks: can Trump really go all the way to the White House?

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 The Gadget Show 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:15 Film Broken Trust (U) 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 The Dog Rescuers with Alan Davies A tenyear-old lhasa apso is found with matted fur and poor skin. When inspector Herchy Boal gets him to the vet, they also discover a possible heart condition

ITV3 21:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors Dr Watson treats an exhausted Frenchman with an itchy back passage

22:00 Nightmare Tenants, Slum Landlords After her tenant claimed that the property was full of damp, a landlord gets a shock when she finally gets inside 23:00 Raised by Wolves to inspect the damage 23:35 Gogglebox 00:35 The Island with Bear Grylls 23:00 Can’t Pay? We’ll 01:35 Live From Abbey Take it Away 00:00 The Road Classics 02:05 Tube: Going Underground Ramsay’s Kitchen 01:00 Benefits by the Sea: 01:55 Super Nightmares USA 02:55 Jaywick Film - French Connection II Casino 04:10 Weather (18) 05:00 Kirstie’s Fill Your Terror: Lightning Strike House for Free 05:20 05:00 Nick’s Quest 05:25 Selling Houses with The Great Artists 05:50 House Doctor Amanda Lamb

DON´T MISS

On This Day

PRESIDENT TRUMP

Channel4 22:00 SOAPS

In Emmerdale, Leyla catches David trying to take a photo down his trousers.

Backed into a corner, David admits that the doctor has found a lump and she’s floored when he tells her it could be cancer.

Meanwhile, Belle tries to scupper Rishi’s plans to

With Donald Trump now emerging as the clear frontrunner for the Republican Presidential nomination, Matt Frei asks whether the billionaire tycoon could actually become President. Although he has sparked indignation and has been criticised by the Pope, Trump has won key states and increased his support. His position may now be unassailable, and Frei looks at whether those who want to stop him have any chance of doing so.

buy the Dingles’ as she shows him round the house, pointing out false concerns including various graves in the garden.

When Lisa realises what she’s up to, she makes it clear to her daughter how selfish she is being already grumpy after receiving her decree nisi through the post. Back at the factory, Joanie advises Belle that she needs to grow up as Lisa needs her support.

Elsewhere, Cain catches Holly taking money from a customer and demands she hands it over. She’s thwarted when he says that he knows about Dean

wanting more cash and warns her that she needs him and her mum onside.

At the same time,

Charity is surprised when Moira has a proposal for her. Also today, Harriet toys with the idea of taking over from Ashley as vicar.

Finally, Jacob is pleased to see Tracy is deflated when he tells her that his mum will be visiting for his birthday.

2002: Queen Mother dies.

In Coronation Street, In the Bistro, Robert assures Steph and Zeedan that Tracy won’t be bothering them in future and that he and Leanne are now in charge.

Later, after a successful shopping trip for the wedding, an upbeat Carla and Nick arrive in The Rovers, clearly loved up. Tracy is furious at their apparent bliss.

07:00 The Hot Desk 07:10 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:30 Dinner Date 08:20 Ellen DeGeneres 09:00 Emmerdale 09:30 You’ve Been Framed 10:35 Catchphrase 11:15 Dinner Date 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 You’ve Been Framed 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:35 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Film Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (12) 23:45 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad 01:40 Two and a Half Men

Meanwhile, when Will arrives for a meeting with Michelle, the attraction between them is evident.

07:00 Movies Now 07:10 Doctor in the House 07:35 Heartbeat 08:35 Where the Heart is 09:40 The Royal 10:40 Judge Judy 12:00 Noah’s Ark 13:05 Murder, She Wrote 14:05 Heartbeat 15:10 The Royal 16:15 Where the Heart is 17:20 Doctor in the House 17:50 In Loving Memory 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Rosemary and Thyme 22:00 Love Your Garden 23:00 A Touch of Frost 01:15 Wycliffe 02:15 Where the Heart is ITV4 07:00 Hogan’s Heroes 07:55 The Chase 08:55 The Professionals 09:55 The Sweeney 11:00 Ax Men 12:00 The Chase 13:00 The Professionals 14:00 Pawn Stars 15:00 15:55 Storage Wars Hogan’s Heroes 17:00 The Sweeney 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Storage Wars 20:00 Pawn Stars 22:00 Film - Dr No (PG) 00:15 Film - Rumble in the Bronx (15) 02:05 The Professionals

07:00 Peter Hurst, 10:00 Trev Massey, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Gordon Lack 19:00 Andy James Dropping the drugs off, Gary warns Izzy to be careful as they’re stronger than usual. But will Izzy heed his warning?

As Will regales Michelle with stories of people they were at school with, it’s obvious she enjoys his company. Liz is unimpressed.

Elsewhere, Gemma finds Bethany bunking off school and lures her into the kebab shop. She offers Bethany a new phone in return for the lowdown on Jason.

Also today, Gary reluctantly agrees to score Izzy some more cannabis to help with her pain relief.

Finally, temeratures rise and tempers flare when Sally accidentally steps on an egg in the garden, she turns on Sharif and orders him to mend the hole in the fence.

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Thursday 31st March 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Caught Red Handed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Think Tank 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 The TV That Made Me 17:30 Flog It 18:15 Pointless 19:00 News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders Linda comes to a devastating realisation 21:00 MasterChef Five more amateurs compete for a place in the quarterfinal, preparing food that represents who they are, before the three least successful hopefuls rustle up a sweet or savoury dish using either sardines or figs as the main ingredient 22:00 DIY SOS The Big Build Rob and Michelle Wall bought an 18th-century house as a renovation project but had to stop work when their son was born with spina bifida. The house is unfinished, cold, unsafe and not suitable for Noah’s needs 23:00 News 23:45 Film Pretty Woman (15) 01:40 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:45 News

07:00 Show Me the Monet 07:45 Talking Pictures 08:30 Flog it! Trade Secrets 09:00 The Great Interior Design Challenge 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 News 13:00 The Chef’s Protege 13:30 James Martin’s Food Map of Britain 14:00 Wogan: The Best of 14:45 Film The First of the Few (U) 16:40 The Indian Doctor 17:25 Coast Australia 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Too Much TV 20:00 Big Dreams Small Spaces Jennifer enlists the help of her sisters to create an Italian-themed garden in memory of their parents 21:00 The Secret History of My Family The story of a mother who was accused of a shocking crime against her own child 22:00 Line of Duty The shooting at the drugs house intensifies the scrutiny on the armed-response unit 23:00 Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle 23:30 Newsnight 00:15 Can Seb Coe Save Athletics? 00:45 Employable Me 01:45 The People v OJ Simpson: American Crime Story 02:25 Inside Europe’s Terror Attacks 03:25 Let’s Play Darts for Sports Relief 2016 04:25 Australia with Simon Reeve 05:25 Italy Unpacked

07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Jeremy Kyle 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Gok’s Lunchbox 14:30 News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 News 20:00 Emmerdale The pressure is on for Cain 20:30 Tonight It has been three years since food fraud hit the headlines after horse meat was discovered in some supermarket products. As the National Food Crime Unit publishes its very first report, Aasmah Mir investigates to see if controls have been tightened and asks - how safe is our food?

21:00 Emmerdale The stakes are high for Holly 21:30 The Cruise The captain throws a huge party as the ship celebrates its first birthday 22:00 Bear Grylls: Mission Survive After eight days in the wild, the physical strain is taking its toll on the four remaining celebrities - but they know a place in the final is within reach 23:00 News 23:40 Benidorm 00:10 Britain’s Whales and Sharks 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen

07:00 Countdown 07:45 The Goldbergs 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Shipping Wars 13:00 News 13:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Deal or No Deal 16:10 Countdown 17:00 A New Life in the Sun 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 News 21:00 The Restoration Man George Clarke returns to Harrogate to see how Carol and Majid Nadry have finished converting their brick water tower into their dream home 22:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Jimmy Carr hosts a new edition of the hit comedy show, packed with silly games and surprises. Team captains Sean Lock and Katherine Ryan take on Jon Richardson and David Mitchell 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 00:05 Tattoo Fixers 01:10 The Last Leg 02:05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 03:00 Unreported World 03:25 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb 04:25 Location, Location, Location 05:20 Sarah Beeny’s How to Sell Your Home 05:55 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free

07:00 Milkshake 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 Cowboy Builders 13:10 News 13:15 Dogs Make You Laugh Out Loud 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Salem Falls (15) 18:00 News 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 News 20:00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild UK Ben meets 40-year-old Amanda Owen from Huddersfield, who left behind a comfortable existence to pursue her lifelong dream of becoming a hill shepherdess

ITV3 21:00 The Extraordinary Swollen Woman and Other Medical Mysteries Meet the boy who feels like his blood boils when he steps outside and a woman who suffers strange swellings on her face and body 22:00 Trauma Doctors A doctor and paramedic rush to the aid of 57-year-old Sean, who has a serious head injury after falling down the stairs in a pub 23:00 Botched Up Bodies 00:00 World’s Biggest Hips 01:00 Super Casino 04:10 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 The Great Artists 05:45 House Doctor

DON´T MISS

On This Day

LINE OF DUTY

BBC2 22:00 SOAPS

In Emmerdale, Cain tricks Holly into getting in the back of the van. He then locks her in and tells her to ring Dean, as they’re setting him up.

On a secluded road, they’re soon joined by Dean. Cain offers him a deal, if he stays away from Holly. Will it work, or will Cain’s plan backfire?

The shooting at the drugs house intensifies the scrutiny on Danny Waldron’s armed-response unit, who once again close ranks. But with Kate Fleming on the inside, AC-12 feed in new information that helps her expose cracks in the team’s story, while Steve Arnott looks deeper into the suspect sergeant’s background and makes a shocking discovery.

However, the anti-corruption cop’s life is complicated by an investigation into his own past conduct. Crime drama, starring Daniel Mays, Martin Compston, Vicky McClure and Will Mellor.

Meanwhile, Belle cuts her hand on some broken glass at the factory. As Dr Bailey attends to her, she inflates her role in the business and skirts around the truth when it comes to her age. Dr Bailey is clearly impressed with her, but is he treading dangerous waters?

Elsewhere, David and Leyla are shocked to realise Jacob has jumped to conclusions after hearing them together the previous day. Tracy feels snubbed by David’s distance and he tries to keep a brave face up after telling Jacob about the lump.

1990: Violance flares in poll tax demonstration.

Elsewhere, Tracy plays a drinking game in the pub for Victoria’s birthday and jumps into Andy’s arms just as Chrissie walks in.

Andy is left worried that he’s blown things with Chrissie.

Also, Chrissie and Andy are enjoying their risky trysts, but Victoria makes life difficult by trying to play matchmaker with Tracy and Andy during her birthday party in the pub.

In the second episode, Cain attacks a henchman.

Holly is devastated as Dean drives off, but is astonished to realise that Cain has a further plan.

Later, Cain pulls up near a bus stop and tells Holly to go and to never come back. However, will Holly regain the upper hand when she threatens to tell Moira what happened between them today?

Meanwhile, Chas is suspicious to see drawers have been rummaged through and Noah tells her it was Liv. Over at the shop, Liv is having an argument with David over the cost of things and starts throwing fruit at him. Aaron catches her and gives David his money back. However, Chas is not pleased and makes a suggestion that stuns them both.

07:00 The Hot Desk 07:10 Planet’s Funniest Animals 07:30 Dinner Date 08:20 Ellen DeGeneres 09:00 Emmerdale 09:30 Coronation Street 10:00 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 10:35 Catchphrase 11:15 Dinner Date 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:15 You’ve Been Framed 14:45 Ellen DeGeneres 15:35 Jeremy Kyle 18:50 Take Me Out 20:00 You’ve Been Framed 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Scorpion 23:00 Celebrity Juice 23:50 @Elevenish 00:20 Family Guy 01:20 American Dad 02:15 @Elevenish

Also, Dr Bailey drops Belle off at the factory and there’s clearly an attraction between the pair.

In Eastenders, Linda is distraught when Ollie doesn’t react in his usual way to a nursery rhyme.

She confides in Sharon by explaining that Ollie isn’t the same as before his accident.

Linda also remembers that the health

07:00 Movies Now 07:10 Doctor in the House 07:35 Heartbeat 08:35 Where the Heart is 09:40 The Royal 10:40 Judge Judy 12:00 Noah’s Ark 13:05 Murder, She Wrote 14:05 Heartbeat 15:10 The Royal 16:15 Where the Heart is 17:15 Doctor in the House 17:50 In Loving Memory 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 A Touch of Frost 01:00 Wycliffe ITV4 07:00 Movies Now 07:10 Hogan’s Heroes 08:00 The Chase 09:00 The Professionals 10:00 The Sweeney 11:05 Ax Men 12:00 The Chase 13:05 Pawn Stars 14:55 Storage Wars 15:55 Hogan’s Heroes 17:00 The Sweeney 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Storage Wars 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 The Classic Car Show 22:00 The Goodwood Members Meeting 23:00 The Snooker Mavericks 00:00 Film - Public Enemies (15) 02:45 The Sweeney

07:00 Peter Hurst, 10:00 Trev Massey, 13:00 Alex Trelinski, 16:00 Gordon Lack 19:00 Andy James visitor is due today.

Later, Lee tells her Nancy that she has to come home to help with the health visitor as Linda is nowhere to be found and Mick is struggling on his own. Although she just wants to help, Mick isn’t happy to see Nancy return. After being called

by Whitney, Elaine arrives and takes control, but will the Carters get any answers?

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Thursday 24th March 2016

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Dessert

Quick and Easy Donuts Ingredients Serves: 6 70g (2 1/2 oz) butter 500g (1 1/4 lb) plain flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 70g (2 1/2 oz) sugar 1 egg 260ml (9 fl oz) milk vegetable oil for frying Directions Prep 15mins Cook 5mins Ready in 20mins Sieve flour and baking powder into a bowl and rub in butter. Mix in the sugar.

Beat egg and milk together.

Make a well in flour mixture, then and pour in the egg mixture. Mix together to form a soft dough.

Roll out dough on a well floured surface to about 1cm (1/2 in) thick and cut to shape of choice. Personally I use 2 different sized biscuit cutters.

Fry in hot oil (at approximately 180 degrees C) for 30 seconds, turn over and cook for a further 30 seconds untill golden brown.

Drain on kitchen paper until cool. Roll in sugar or decorate with icing as desired..

Nutty Butternut Salad

The giant corn really makes this salad, giving it crunch and texture.

Serves 8 Ingredients 2 large butternut squash, tbsp runny honey, 2 tbsp sunflower oil , 1 tbsp sunflower seeds, 1 tbsp pumpkin seeds (or the seeds from your squash), 25g pecan nuts, 25g unsalted peanuts 100g baby spinach, 2 tbsp roasted salted giant corn small bunch of chives, roughly snipped For the dressing 65ml sunflower oil, 20ml Safari brown vinegar (or other brown malt vinegar), 1 tbsp sugar, ½ tsp black pepper, ½ tsp garlic salt, ¼ tsp

table salt, 4 tbsp mayonnaise, 4 tbsp plain yogurt, 2 tsp peanut butter.

Method Preheat the oven to 200C/400G/gas 6. Peel the squash and cut into wedges. Place in a big bowl and toss them with a tablespoon of the honey and the oil, then season.

Tip onto a baking tray and bake for 45 minutes until soft and slightly caramelised. Leave to cool slightly.

Meanwhile, toast the seeds and nuts in a dry frying pan for a couple of minutes.

When they begin to colour, add the remaining honey and a good pinch of salt. Let

the nuts and seeds caramelise for 30 seconds, then take the pan off the heat and leave to cool.

Mix all the dressing ingredients together in a jug.

Roughly chop the seeds and nuts, leaving smaller ones whole. Spread the spinach on a serving dish, top with the squash, then scatter the nuts, seeds and giant corn on top.

Drizzle the dressing over the salad and scatter with chives.

Recipe taken from The Social Kitchen. All sales from the book go to (dermatrust.co.uk).

To purchase the book go to thesocialkitchen.org.

Food & Drink

Has Cadbury Lost It’s Magic?

For some Easter is solely a religious festival, but for many - not least children - it is a time of year when we indulge in one thing more than any other: chocolate.

British consumers are notorious chocoholics.

Eating, on average, more than 16lb a year (more than 7kg), we are beaten only by the Swiss in our love for the stuff. The brands and chocolate bars - from Cadbury Creme Eggs to Curly Wurlys - are woven into our collective memories.

But something strange is happening at the spiritual home of British chocolate: Bournville. This is the model village, just outside Birmingham, created at the end of the nineteenth century by the Cadbury family.

They were devout

Quakers, who firmly believed that a healthier, happier and more educated workforce was a more productive one.

It was a pioneering company, as Deborah Cadbury, a historian and one of the descendents of the founder, explains: “Their religious values really unified every aspect of their lives, Every few months another controversy appears to emerge from Bournville: a change to the recipe of a much loved chocolate product, the shrinking of some pack sizes, workers losing their jobs.

For some, the gloss has been coming off ever since Kraft, the giant US food company, bought Cadbury in a hostile takeover in 2010 for £11.5 billion.

Food & Drink

Thursday 24th March 2016

Easter Brunch Inspiration

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Brunch is the meal of hope, of relaxedness, of sunshine and possibilities imbibe turmeric and slurp bone broth, after all. That’s not my bag but I applaud the way that healthy dishes have crept on to the brunch menu without them actually shouting 'Hello! I’m full of omega 3!’

The best meal I had during a three-week trip to the States last year was at Bar Tartine in San Francisco. Their brunch couldn’t have been further away from the carb and sugar-laden American standard. There was date butter, various tartares (of fish, veg and meat), smoked potatoes with black garlic When we were little, my siblings and I used to muse about the kind of person we wanted to marry. My brother had the clearest image. He would always say, 'I want to marry a girl who’ll catch the toast.’

Before all right-thinking women take exception to this, I should point out that the act was more to do with a happy attitude to life than domestic servitude.

In reality, our breakfasts were rushed and usually eaten on dark mornings, or at least in bad weather.

Certainly nobody felt chirpy enough to pirouette towards the toaster. But by the time we were nearing school, with

the radio blaring in the car and the light sparkling on the river we passed every morning, I would find myself thinking about optimistic breakfasts where everyone would catch the toast.

Now we’re doing it – at least sometimes – as breakfast and especially brunch have become the feel-good meals of our times. Their popularity has crept up on us, presumably because we’ve been exposed to the irresistible laid-back vibes of cafés run

by Aussies and Kiwis and our general love of the American way of doing things (you want to go to brunch heaven? It’s in LA).

Brunch is the meal of hope,

of relaxedness, of sunshine and possibilities. Why? It comes from countries that we associate with this take on life. And it doesn’t follow any rules. Unlike Sunday lunch, it isn’t based on a hunk of protein. It can have sweet and savoury elements and doesn’t follow a rigid pattern. The dishes it features can come from anywhere in the world. You want Turkish eggs, hash browns, Scandi smoked fish on rye?

You’ll find them on a brunch menu somewhere (quite possibly on the same one).

Of course, the clean-eating brigade have got hold of brunch too. It’s the first opportunity in the day to

and pickles. It was a shock, and then it was delicious.

So, instead of a regular Easter Sunday lunch next weekend, I’m doing brunch.

It seems totally appropriate

for spring: it’s the happy meal and it contains eggs.

I’m already practising my ballet moves, of course: I gotta be ready to catch that toast.

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Thursday 24th March 2016

Alternative Easter Lunch: Barbecue Lamb Ribs Put a fresh spin on Easter feasting by embracing the City barbecue

Barbecue lamb ribs Though they’re far less popular in the US than their porcine equivalent, delicate lamb ribs are well worth seeking out – the robust flavour stands up well to the traditional sweet and spicy rub, while the generous coating of fat stops them drying out during cooking.

3 racks of lamb ribs , 1 tsp fine salt, 4 tbsp dark brown sugar, 1 tsp chilli powder, 1 tbsp smoked paprika, 1 tbsp cumin powder, ½ tbsp ground corian-

der , 1 tsp black pepper, 1 tbsp ground ginger.

Mix together the seasoning and spices then rub all over the ribs, massaging it well into the meat. Leave to sit for at least three hours, and up to overnight.

Heat the oven to 130C/250F/gas mark ½.

Put the ribs on a rack above a roasting tin, and roast for 2½-3 hours or until the meat is falling off the bone. Rest, then peel off the tough membrane from the back of the rack before breaking into ribs

and serving.

Barbecue sauce You can use a bought barbecue sauce in the beans if you like, but this sweet Kansas City-style version is quick to make, and goes well with the lamb too.

2 tbsp oil, 1 small onion, finely chopped, 2 garlic cloves, finely chopped, 1 tbsp ground cumin, ½-1 tsp cayenne pepper, ½ tsp ground black pepper, 500ml tomato ketchup, 4 tbsp molasses, 75ml cider vinegar, 1 tbsp mustard

powder.

Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over a mediumlow heat and cook the onion until soft and golden.

Add the garlic and cook for another couple of minutes, then stir in the cumin, cayenne and pepper, and cook for a minute. Stir in the remaining ingredients and bring to a simmer.

Cook for 30 minutes, then leave to cool slightly, then blend until smooth.

Taste for seasoning and adjust if necessary. Serve and enjoy.

Food & Drink

Clever Little Sausage Romantic nostalgia in Spain has a smell,” writes Claudia Roden in The Food Of Spain (Michael Joseph, 35€). “It is the smell of chorizos hanging in attics and kitchens. The taste and aroma of a piece of chorizo… evokes powerful ancestral and family memories of the day of the matanza, when the family pig was killed and everyone had a part to play in the preparation of hams and sausages for drying”.

Butterbean puree with sage and chorizo Cooking chorizo is only semi-cured, unlike the fully cured sort, which is ready to eat much as you do salami.

This versatile dish is good alongside roast chicken or fried scallops; it’s also great just as it is, with crusty bread and a green salad. Serves six.

500g dried butterbeans, soaked overnight in plenty of cold water and 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda, Salt and freshly ground black pepper, 2 tbsp olive oil, 6 70g cooking chorizos, each cut on an angle into 0.5cm-thick slices 6 garlic cloves, peeled and thinly sliced

15g sage leaves, 2 tbsp lemon juice, to serve.

Drain the soaking butterbeans and put them in a large saucepan filled with fresh cold water.

Bring to a boil, turn down the heat to medium-low, cover and leave to simmer, skimming regularly, for 30 minutes to an hour . Drain the beans over a large bowl, to save the liquid, then tip into the bowl of a food processor.

Add 150ml of the cooking liquid (you can then discard the rest), threequarters of a teaspoon of salt and a good grind of black pepper. Set aside: you don’t need to blitz it yet.

On a medium-high heat, warm the olive oil in a large frying pan, then fry the chorizo slices for five minutes, stirring a few times. Add the garlic, fry for a minute, then stir in the sage and cook for a minute or two, until the sage is crisp and the garlic and chorizo have browned a bit. Tip everything into a bowl and set aside. Spoon on the chorizo, garlic, sage and a teaspoon of oil per portion. Finish with a squeeze of lemon and serve.

Food & Drink

Thursday 24th March 2016

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Thursday 24th March 2016

DVD’S Life

The Costa Blanca´s Biggest and Best Live Local radio station - TKO fm - are currently looking for RADIO PRESENTERS to enhance their current rosta.

If you think that you have a voice that people will listen to – and have what it takes to Plan - Produce and Present a structured, informative and entertaining 2 or 3 hour live show within pre set musical guidelines - to a discerning target audience – then get in touch.

You may have had previous experience – or maybe you are just thinking that it is something you would like to do.

Either way – in the first instance send a 2 minute mp3 file showing off your voice and presenting talents and style to tkomedia2015@gmail.com with a brief covering note explaining why you think you should be On Air! Remember, experience is not required if you are the right person for the job and all applications will be treated in the strictest of confidence – but those without the required mp3 file will not be considered, so get recording. Your radio future is waiting.

BOX OFFICE

TOP 10

1. Zootopia 2. Allegiant 3. Miracles from Heaven 4. 10 Cloverfield Lane 5. DeadpoolFoxtrot 6. London Has Fallen 7. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot 8. The Perfect Match 9. Grimsby 10. The Revenant

Zootropolis Disney Are Still Best DIRECTOR Jared Bush, Byron Howard, Rich Moore GENRE Animation SYNOPSIS In a city inhabited by anthropomorphic animals who have abandoned traditional predator/prey roles in favor of civilized coexistence, a rabbit police officer has to crack a major case involving the mysterious disappearance of some carnivorous citizens.

RELEASE DATE March 25, 2016 DURATION 108 mins Splash-landing in cinemas just as Donald Trump’s presidential campaign lurches into high gear, Disney’s Zootropolis – and the $430m in box office it has so far netted – suggests that a better and wiser, kinder and gentler America can currently be found in animated features directed at children.

Zootropolis (titled Zootopia

in the US) is a well-written, beautifully animated and energetically performed comedy about – wait, what?

– racial profiling and tokenism, divide and rule, and guilt by association. And it comes in the form of a bigcity police movie about the first lady bunny-rabbit cop.

By rights, this mismatched buddy-cop team should be at each other’s throats 24/7, but this is Zootropolis, an open city of the animals where the laws of tooth and claw have been suspended, the better to allow all animals – 10% predators, 90% prey – to coexist in harmony. The city’s sense of peace is real but precarious: animals are all mean to foxes, rabbit girls aren’t welcome in Zootropolis PD except as meter maids, and words like “cute” and “predator” have the same spiteful double-meanings as

they do out there in real-life Trumpdonia.

The metropolitan melodramatics recall everything from The Wire to Chinatown (our intrepid bunny-fox double act are drawn into a vast political conspiracy) and turn on a city-wide panic over animals reverting to their predatory old selves. It’s remarkably knowing, incisive stuff for a kids’ movie, and it’s deepened by all the material aimed more at their parents. The film’s richly detailed universe is entirely delightful: we see ads for “Zuber: Migration At Your Fingertips”, and the kids groove to the torch-song stylings of Gazelle, while their parents prefer “the velvety pipes of Jerry Vole”.

There are pithy, useful lessons about race and difference that parents will be educating their kids with for years to come, some of

which struck me with special force given the children’s context in which they arise.

All credit to the Walt Disney Studio, then – an outfit that has had a fairly problematic past to overcome. With Zootropolis, we are a gratifyingly long way from Song Of The South or the jive-talkin’, pimp-like black crows in Dumbo, and its founder’s alleged anti-Jewish bent in the company’s glory years of the mid-20th century, including that embarrassing time in 1938 when Uncle Walt was the only studio boss in Hollywood to welcome Leni Riefenstahl on to his lot – a month after Kristallnacht.

Let’s hope the success of Zootropolis in cinemas is the obverse of the nauseating antics of the Trump demographic at the polls. If Disney can reform itself, might we hope the same of America itself?

Mountain Race & Typical Cuisine At ‘La Vall d'Uixo’

Start the touristic route of culturally entertaining interest offered by the ‘Vall d'Uixó’ starting at the Caves of San Jose, just in case you do not want to participate in the race mountain, so you can enjoy the sporty atmosphere both at the start and at the finish of the 18th Mountain Race Rise to Pipa, which still has a historical heritage, and taste the local cuisine in any of its restaurants, you'll spend an amazing

day!

Visit the San Jose’s Caves, the longest navigable underground river in Europe and delve into the depths of the Earth by sailing a boat on calm waters where you can contemplate a beautiful landscape that nature has kept hidden.

Follow the San José Joint Aqueducts and ‘Alcudia’, the Church of the Holy Angel, the tower of the Benigafull Ducal Palace or the Marquises of

Vivel’s Palace, today a center for cultural and social activities. Hereafter, comes the Church of ‘La Asunción’, with a beautiful facade and a beautiful bell tower, also if you need to get some fresh air just go and behold the green mantle of orange trees that covers the lower part of the Vall d'Uixo’s municipality, or stroll in the upper part by the pine forest, cork oak and maquis, which is the most prevailing vegeta-

tion.

Participate in or support long-distance runners in some approximately 17 kilometers circuits in a maximum time of 04:15 at 900 meters altitude and when you need to restore your energy, you can taste the typical "Ampedrao" which comes from a very old hunting custom in the village, or any of the typical sweets, a legacy left by the Arabs, mainly composed of flour, oil, sugar and almond.

James Dean was considered a brilliant actor whose life was cut way too short by t r a g e d y.

While the world still feels the effects of the on-film performances by J a m e s Dean, Stock's pictures give us unique insight into a young man who was struggling with serious demons his entire life.

Don Verdean Don Verdean tells the story of a biblical archaeologist - or, rather, a self-proclaimed biblical archaeologist with little to no r e a l qualifications and his journey to make a living in the Holy Land after being hired to find biblical artifiacts. When his search comes up short, he must bend the truth and cover up his mistakes as much as he can before his employer finds out,

The Americans The Americans follows the lives of two fictional Soviet KGB spies posing as Phillip and Elizabeth Jennings, a typical American couple with children living in the United States.

The Jennings are travel agents by day, and by night, they are Cold War secret agents.

No one, not even t h e Jennings children, suspects that the couple leads very active and sometimes violent double lives.

Eventually, the strain of deception begins to show in Phillip, who is starting to admire the American way of life.

Thursday 24th March 2016

Friends Of

All bears are part of the animal union, as we love all creatures great and small, and with me TKO Teddy, I love cats. So much so, that I could not resist popping along to San Luis square in Torrevieja last Saturday to show my backing for a table top sale raising money to help neuter and spay cats in the area. It’s a good thing to do to make sure that the little pussies don’t get out of control and such things do cost money, so I wish everybody well in the future for this great idea!

We all had a great time last week at the St. Patrick’s Day parade on the Orihuela Costa, and it was great to meet so many of you there.

Congratulations by the way to Smiling Jacks Bar in Cabo Roig for being voted as the winning float in the parade.

Mine’s a half!

Torrevieja’s Domino Bar is a long-time supporter of the Samaritans in Spain, and all the brilliant work that they do.

The Domino team led by Saranne and Colin had a fund-raising day at the Las Barcas urbanisation last Saturday, with loads of stalls selling all kinds of stuff and lots of fun had by one and all.

I enjoyed saying hello to all of you there! Don’t forget that if you want me to pay you a visit, then contact me via Facebook and my special page, TKO Teddy or sned an e-mail:- tkoteddy@tko.media

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Thursday 24th March 2016

Jeanette Erath - Learn Spanish

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The Tricky Subjunctive

Hi there everybody and Happy Easter to you. I still find it incredible that there are English people living here that don´t make some kind of an effort even to learn some of the basics of Spanish. Just a few phrases and words can open up some doors, but the fact you are reading this page, says that you want to get to grips with the local lingo!

Last week I finished the lessons on modal verbs and how to use them, hopefully you noted the big difference between English and Spanish modals and are now able to incorporate some into your everyday speech. Here are the answers to last week´s translations: I would speak French if I lived in the south of France – yo hablaría francés si viviera en el sur de

Francia, which one would you buy? - ¿cuál comprarías tú? I knew that they would open the shop at seven o´clock – yo sabía que abrirían la tienda a las siete.

I thought that today would be windy – creía que hoy haría viento, Would you prefer to eat a hamburger or a hot dog? – ¿preferías tú comer una hamburguesa o un perrito caliente? I would visit him but I don´t know where he is – yo le visitaría pero no sé donde está él. He said that he wouldn´t drink the water here – él dijo que no bebería el agua aquí. I would go but I don´t have time – yo iría pero no tengo tiempo. I´d like a white coffee please – me gustaría un café con leche por favor. If the UK vote to leave the EU I would become Spanish! – Si el Reino Unido voten para salir de la UE me

convertiría en español!

The subjunctive is a difficult part of Spanish for many English speakers to master, it isn´t a tense, more a feeling or sensation, it is used very commonly in Spanish but can be complicated to know when to use it. What I tell my students who are beginning with the subjunctive is to listen to as much Spanish as possible, to know the subjunctive endings so that when you hear a verb that sounds a bit strange you know why they are using the ending that they are and take it step by step. Most verbs conjugate into the subjunctive by taking the ´yo´ form of the present indicative and putting a different ending, that´s why at the end of many of my lessons I write, ´que tengas una buena semana´ tengas is in the

subjunctive, as it´s the ´yo´ form of tener = tengo, take off the ´o´ and then add the endings. The endings for the subjunctive are as follows: for –ar verbs = -e, -es, -e, -emos, -éis, -en. For –er and –ir verbs: -a, -as, -a, -amos, -áis, -an. So hablar becomes = hable, hables, hable, hablemos, habéis, hablen, and tener as we have seen becomes: tenga, tengas, tenga, tengamos, tengáis, tengan.

There are six verbs that are irregular in the subjunctive and I´ll give you those now, so that if you hear these words in your day to day use of Spanish you will at least know what the person is saying even though you may not, at the moment, understand why.

Dar – togive = dé, des, dé, demos, deis, den. Estar – to

be = esté, estés, esté, estemos, estéis, estén.

Haber – to have (auxiliary verb) = haya, hayas, haya, hayamos, hayáis, hayan. Ir – togo = vaya, vayas, vaya, vayamos, vayáis, vayan.

Saber – to know = sepa, sepas, sepa ,sepamos, sepáis, sepan. Ser – to be = sea, seas, sea, seamos, seáis, sean.

These mood words are used when there is a doubt or believed reality, as I have explained it can be a bit confusing to know when to use it and the best way to learn is by listening to Spanish as much as possible and noting when native speakers use it. Now at least you will be able to understand what is being said even if you aren´t sure why it´s being said in that way.

36

Health

Thursday 24th March 2016

The NHS Can't Survive Staying In The European Union Contact@medb.es

Website: www.medb.es

The referendum gives us a chance to keep our national health service alive

Anyone inclined to stay in the EU needs to ask themselves this one simple question. "Do I prefer the EU or the NHS?" because we can’t have both, and I’ll now prove it.

The Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership

will change our NHS from being about public health to being about private wealth.

It’s not just Ukip that know it, trade unions, health workers, and even a top EU law QC knows it, along with the public who have signed anti-TTIP peti-

tions in their hundreds of thousands.

At its core is a series of rules to protect the investment of American health corporations; you know the ones, they make billions of dollars of profit in a country where it’s easier to get shot

than get medical care.

The protections could see the corporations challenge laws a sovereign government brings in to protect people’s health; American big business has already started doing it in Australia, where they have a TTIP like agreement with Uncle Sam. Tobacco giant, Philip Morris is suing the Australian tax payer because the government brought in plain packaging laws. Central to the company’s argument is that it will lead to fewer sales. (No doubt that was the intended outcome of the legislation).

Australia could therefore end up with its health policies being determined by an international tobacco company, simply because

of the trade agreement they have signed – exactly the same position that the EU will find itself in.

But MEPs will scrutinise this and it will be subject to the democratic process of the European Parliament, I hear the committed "europhiles" shout.

Not this time. The MEPs, the public and just about everyone that isn’t going to make money out of Britain’s health service have raised objections, but EU bosses ain’t listening.

In January the European Parliament’s petitions committee of MEPs from across the EU said it regretted that the unelected Commission had rejected public concerns about the investor protection elements of TTIP.

The NHS is one of the biggest pulls for the Americans to agree to TTIP and the amount of money we spend on it, and David Cameron’s assertion that it doesn’t need a formal, written exemption because it won’t be subject to TTIP is basically a complete lie.

There is something in writing, that is formal that proves the NHS will be subject to the trade agreement.

It is in a document that was filed in the European Parliament library in June, specifically about TTIP. It says: “The EU reserves the right to adopt or maintain any measure with regard to the provision of all education, health or social services which receive public funding or state support in any form.”

Crackdown On High-Strength Laser Pens Crackdown has been announced after a seven year old boy was left with permanent damage to his retina A UK Government crackdown on the import and sale of high-strength laser pens has been announced after a seven year old boy was left with permanent damage to his retina after using a pen he bought at a school fair.

Jonathan Marshall shone the laser into his eye for a fraction of second but it was enough to leave him with a

permanent burn that could prevent him from driving when he grows up.

Anna Soubry, the Business Minister, has demanded an urgent safety notice be issued across the country to warn parents about the dangers of the pens after other similar reports came to light.

Retailers will also be alerted of the dangers of import-

ing and selling illegal laser pens, particularly those made in China, and swift criminal action will be brought against those caught selling the pens.

Low-strengh laser pens are legal for general UK sale but only very weak versions are allowed to be sold to children under current regulations.

The Government is looking at whether new rules need to be introduced to ban the sale to children completely and crack down on pens being used to target pilots flying into UK airports. EU regulations and import rules could be toughened up to stop high-strenth laser pens reaching the UK market, under plans currently being considered.

Ms Soubry branded the sale of laser pens to children "perverse" and warned there

are over 150 known instances of eye-damage in children because of the devices, but the number is likely far higher.

She said: "Laser pens have a role but should be bought by those who intend to use them for perfectly

proper purposes. The idea of selling them to children seems perverse.

"I cannot see how that can possibly be legal—actually, I am of the view that it must be illegal—which is why we are contacting trading standards officers and also, of course,

the police."

A full criminal investigation is underway in the case of Jonathan Marshall after the little boy used his pocket money to buy a laser pen at a school fair pocket money stall.

His mother Angela is calling for all lasers sold as toys to be banned in the UK and those used for work purposes to be licensed.

She told The Telegraph: "Jonathan was playing with the laser pen at home, experimenting with it, and he shone it in his eye for a fraction of a second.

"He didn't say anything to me until two days later but straight after he'd done it a black blurb appeared in his eye.

"I took him straight to the opticians who sent us to A&E where we found out he had burnt his retina. He's got a burn at the back of his eye that will always be there and they're not sure whether he will be able to drive a car, they think he will but they're not sure."

MedB Health Dr M. Mannu

37

Thursday 24th March 2016

Keeping Candidiasis At Bay Candidiasis also known as thrush is a vaginal or urinary tract infection caused by the yeast Candida.

However, Candida is normally present in the vagina of most women without causing any problems.

Candida infection typically occurs with changes in vaginal acidity which can occur with hormonal imbalance.

Candidiasis is common in people taking oral contraceptives or suffering from chronic illnesses such as Diabetes or reduced immunity. Nevertheless, the commonest cause of Candidiasis is prescription antibiotics. Antibiotics kill off healthy bacteria in the body, as well as harmful ones.

Healthy bacteria in the body also known as probiotics live in the gut and the vagina and help keep foreign and harmful bacteria at bay. Antibiotics reduce immunity by slowing down the activity of protective white blood cells further increasing the risk of contracting infections. The symptoms of candidiasis are varied and include itching, soreness, burning, yeasty smell, vaginal discharge and discomfort during urination or sexual intercourse.

To help keep candida at bay, avoid nylon and other synthetic underwear as they promote the growth of candida. Cotton underwear is preferable. Low-tempera-

ture washing does not kill fungal spores and so underwear, beddings and towels should be washed with hot water. The natural antibiotic, colloidal silver, can prevent and treat candida infections. Probiotics are also important and have been shown to reduce the occurrence of Candidiasis.

Good food sources of probiotics include Goat´s Yogurt, Kefir and Sauer Kraut.

People with recurrent Candidiasis should consider using Mannitol. Mannitol treats candida and UTI´s by flushing microbes from the body and has no side effects.

For A Full Body Scan Call MedB Clinic: 965071745, 966189074

CANDIDIASIS (YEAST INFECTION) Candidiasis is a fungal infection that can affect areas such as

Skin Genitals Throat Mouth Blood It is caused by the overgrowth of a type of yeast called Candida, usually Candida albicans. This yeast is normally found in small amounts in the human body.

Blueberries May Help Prevent Alzheimer's, New Research Suggests Loaded with healthful antioxidants which could help prevent the effects of dementia Blueberries, already classified as a “superfruit” for its health boosting properties, could now also help fight dementia, new research suggests.

The study shows the berry, which can potentially lower the risk of heart disease and cancer, could also be a weapon in the battle

against Alzheimer's disease.

Scientists say the fruit is loaded with healthful antioxidants which could help prevent the devastating effects of the increasingly common form of dementia.

One study involved 47 adults aged 68 and older, who had mild cognitive impairment, a risk condition

for Alzheimer’s disease.

Researchers from the University of Cincinnati in the US gave them either freeze-dried blueberry powder, which is equivalent to a cup of berries, or a placebo powder once a day for 16 weeks. Dr Robert Krikorian said: "There was improvement in cognitive perform-

ance and brain function in those who had the blueberry powder compared with those who took the placebo.

"The blueberry group demonstrated improved memory and improved access to words and concepts." The researchers also conducted MRI scans which showed increased

brain activity in those who ingested the blueberry powder.

Dr Krikorian said that blueberries' beneficial effects could be due to flavonoids called anthocyanins, which have been shown to improve animals' cognition.

A second study included

94 people aged 62 to 80 who did not have measurable cognitive decline but reported experiencing memory loss. They were tested with blueberry powder, fish oil, and a placebo. He also said the MRI results also were not as striking for those receiving blueberry powder.

38

Motoring

Thursday 24th March 2016

Easter Getaway Set To Be Busier Than Last Year An AA poll found that 55% intend to make a trip during the bank holiday weekend

The Easter getaway on the roads is expected to be busier than last year, motoring experts have warned.

An AA poll of more than 24,000 drivers found that 55% intend to make a trip during the bank holiday weekend - up from 47% last Easter.

This could mean 11 million cars taking to the road at some stage this Easter, according to the motoring association.

Maundy Thursday is set to be the busiest day with 55%

of drivers planning to take their car out, falling to 50% on Good Friday before creeping up to 53% on Saturday.

The busiest stretches of road are likely to include the M5 south from Almondsbury, Gloucestershire towards Exeter, the M6 north from the West Midlands towards Lancashire and all sections of the M25.

Easter Sunday is usually one of the quietest days of the year on the road. Easter Monday is also expected to

be relatively traffic free, although congestion is possible from lunchtime due to home-bound travellers.

Max Holdstock, AA patrol of the year, said: "There will be a lot of pressure on the main getaway routes, particularly heading down to southwest England, and the likes of the M25, M1 and M6 are also going to be very busy."

He advised motorists who are carrying out their first long-distance car journey of the year to conduct maintenance checks on their vehi-

cle before setting off.

The RAC claimed it was "inevitable" that the popular road arteries will be congested and warned drivers to expect "heavy traffic and jams on major routes".

Highways England announced that it will complete or suspend more than 450 miles of roadworks on motorways and trunk roads in time for the weekend.

This will leave 97% of routes free of roadworks by 6am on Thursday.

It is also set to be a bumper period for airlines, with British Airways expecting around 2.4 million passengers over the next three weeks. The busiest day for travel will be Thursday, with some 117,000 customers, and the most popular destination for a short-break is Paris, followed by the Costa Blanca, Edinburgh, Amsterdam, Geneva and Glasgow.

Rail passengers have

been advised to check for alterations to their journey because a number of lines will be suspended as Network Rail (NR) carries out more than 450 individual improvement projects.

There will be no Southern or Gatwick Express services from London Victoria due to major work in Battersea.

The West Coast Main Line will be closed around Stafford for a flyover to be opened, meaning many services will be diverted via Stoke with increased journey times.

On the East Coast, one of the two lines south of Peterborough will be closed meaning changes to services on Easter Saturday and Sunday.

Manchester Victoria will be closed for nine days from Good Friday for remodelling work.

NR chief executive Mark Carne said: "I'm acutely conscious that many people want to use the railway dur-

ing the Easter holidays, but with fewer people travelling by train over this four-day weekend, it is a good time to undertake these massive improvement projects.

As a result the number of people registered as jobless in Spain fell sharply in April, data showed on Tuesday, as the service sector took on tens of thousands to staff restaurants and hotels over the Easter break. The headline figure fell 2.3 percent from March, or by 111,565 people, leaving 4.68 million out of work, the data from the Labor Ministry showed.

Also on Tuesday, Markit's Purchasing Managers' Index showed Spain's services sector grew last month at the fastest rate in just over seven years. Joblessness in the service sector fell by 84,706 people, the ministry data showed, followed by construction, where numbers out of work dropped by 11,203 people.

Motorsport.com Acquires Spain’s Motocuatro.com

As part of the acquisition, the company will launch Motorsport.com – SPAIN, an all-Spanish based sister motorsports website, which becomes the company’s 19th global edition and region’s largest provider of online motor sports news.

“We are excited to enter Spain’s market and help drive additional value of our brand through this acquisition,” said Gustavo A. Roche, vice president of business d e v e l o p m e n t , Motorsport.com.

“Motorsport.com conducted an extensive search in the region for an acquisition partner that met the standards we expect as the premier online source for motor sports content, and decided to go with a moto centered outlet given Spaniards passion for two-wheeled racing,” he added.

“In Motocuatro.com, we will benefit by bringing fully engaged motorcycle racing fans to Motorsport.com and their industry-leading editorial team, led by acclaimed MotoGP journalist Oriol Puigdemont.”

As Spain’s authority of two-wheel-centric motosports news, content and analysis, Motocuatro.com has become one of the country’s premier digital media destination for MotoGP, Moto2, Moto3 and World Superbike Championships as well as a dedicated resource of Grand Prix coverage.

“As one of Spain’s leading motosports website, we are honored and focused on expanding our online offerings and introducing more auto racing coverage for our readers under the Motorsport.com platform,” said Germán García Casanova, the Director, of Motocuatro.com. ”The strength of our coverage of MotoGP and World Superbike racing, combined with the extended reach and technological expertise of Motorsport.com will further position Motorsport.comSPAIN as the clear choice for motorsports consumers in the region.”

Motorsport.com – SPAIN will begin operations in April 2016.

Motorsport.com Appoints Motorsports Veteran Jacobo Vega as the Director of Motorsport.com-SPAIN Motorsport.com has today announced the appointment of Jacobo Vega as Director of Motorsport.com – SPAIN. Vega will lead the direction of all regional content for and report directly to Motorsport.com Editor in Chief, Charles Bradley.

Vega joins Motorsport.com after a decade serving in both editorial and television roles within F1, GP2 and GP3 as commentator and reporter for the highlyrespected LaSexta and Antena 3 in Spain.

“I'm delighted to start this new project and become a part of the successful Motorsport.com family,” said Vega.

“We have a traditional love for motorbike racing in the country but we also have strong passionate fans of F1 and rallies. We will work very hard to offer them the best news and we are ready to begin our process to lead the motorsport information in Spain.”

39

Thursday 24th March 2016

Visit the website, n332.es

Preparing For The Clock Change

This weekend, the clocks are once again set to change, as Daylight Saving Time comes into force at 02:00 on Sunday morning when the clocks are put forward an hour to 03:00.

However, although this change in time might seem insignificant, it can cause an imbalance in our body which in turn can cause fatigue, sleep or distractions that can have an impact on road safety.

One of the biggest changes the body will experience during the change is that whilst the pace of life remains the same, the hours we have become accustomed to will change.

If our alarm clocks are set for 08:00, the reality is that we are waking at what our body has got used to as

being 07:00. Similarly, at the end of the day, as we might consider settling down for bed at 11 in the evening, our body might not feel ready as it still thinks it is 10, for example.

Medically, it is known that the change in time can also lead to an increase in the chance of suffering migraines or stress related conditions as a result of the change. These episode can cause a distraction in their own right and can lead to incapacity at times, but some medications can also cause problems for drivers, so always check with your doctor or pharmacist if you are feeling symptomatic or taking any kind of medication.

Sleep experts say that the best way of overcoming

the problems the body identifies is to maintain a stable sleep ad meal patter, making sure you get a good 8 hours sleep per night, and avoiding stimulants such as caffeine.

Sleep deprivation and drowsiness is a known contributing factor in many road related incidents. In fact, drowsiness is the primary cause in 30% of all daytime collisions and incidents.

More than 40% of all incidents on the roads are closely related to fatigue, and almost 20% of these incidents involve commercial vehicles.

Reaction times are increased when sleepy, and a person can suffer severe reductions in concentration, motor and sensory delays, resulting in mistakes in

Over 40,000 Followers

The N332 Facebook page has reached yet another milestone this week, now having over 40,000 followers.

There has been even more interest in some of the recent posts, with a growing audience of just under seven million views for the videos posted, and each article reaching tens of thousands of people.

That means that the informative message of “Working Together for Safer Roads” is spreading even further, hopefully helping to save lives and reduce the number of casualties on the

roads.

As a companion to the Facebook page, the website is also growing in popularity, with some of the most searched articles this month relating to tow bar use, as well as rules relating to caravans, which would both be expected in the preparations for the Easter holidays. Other searches have included requests for information relating to out of date ITV stickers and advice about buying used cars in Spain.

Collectively, both the Facebook and website

teams will continue to work together, and say that for the website it is thanks to the support we receive from our sponsors, including The Courier newspaper, whose contributions and valued support allow us to invest in the next stages of the project.

Everybody involved also thanks every single person who is following the Facebook page, and who reads and shares the articles, here and on line, as each and every one of you are also Working Together for Safer Roads.

movements and decisions, as well as perceptual disturbances.

Drivers who are normally at risk of sleep related incidents include shift workers, young people, those with sleep-related illnesses and whilst driving under the influence of alcohol and / or drugs.

As for the time that most sleep related incident occur, it is on a weekday, Monday to Friday, between 08:00 and 20:00, and more often during routine drives, as well as on long-haul journeys.

Although this is a human condition which can and should be monitored by every individual driver, scientists are doing their bit to try to reduce the problem as well.

In 2014 the Biomechanics institute in Valencia announced the development of a new system they were calling HARKEN. The system was based around the development of a seatbelt which monitored a driver´s heart rate and gave an alert if the person´s body was showing signs of drowsiness, urging the driv-

er to pull over for a rest.

However, it is important that we all do the same thing and monitor our own feelings, stopping for a rest if we are starting to feel tired, regularly on long journeys, sharing the driving and being prepared to respond to our own body´s warnings in good time.

Whilst taking these facts into consideration, one final thing to remember is to change the clock in your car to reflect the change in time, after all, there is always one clock somewhere we forget.

40

Thursday 24th March 2016

RICHARD CAVENDER

BlueMoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca.

BlueMoon Solutions come to you at home or work, our personal service covers from Alicante to Pilar de la Horadada.

Richard moved to Spain ten years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to sort out the problem there and then.

Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Val wanted to use Internet Explorer rather than ADVICE: Mike wanted to know whether it was possible to rotate video taken on an iPad. the new Edge browser in Windows 10.

Q A

Richard, is there something you said that you can change from Edge to Internet Explorer? I thought I read it somewhere but can't find it? Val.

Hi Val, yes you can use Internet Explorer in Windows 10, its tricky to find but this should help you..

1. Click on the start button (bottom left of the screen) and type "Internet Explorer" 2. The IE icon will be shown, just right click on "Internet Explorer" 3. To add as a tile on your Start Menu click "Pin to Start."

4. To keep it on your taskbar simply click "Pin to taskbar."

ADVICE: Keith wanted to know if an iPad app existed for his Kodak printer.

Q

Q

Hi Richard can I run this by you. Whilst on holiday I used Linda's IPad air 2 to do some videoing I did it in portrait i.e. upright and some stills normal photos. When we got home and I transferred them to the computer and all was well I then transferred them to an external hard drive. When I came to play them back on the TV some of the stills and some of the videos have been rotated through 90 degrees. The stills are not a problem as you can rotate them (annoying when you have to do a few) but there is no facility to rotate the videos.Any suggestions.

A

Hi Hi Mike, yes this is perfectly normal, if you take a video rotated by 90 degrees then the resultant video will be rotated by the same amount, there are a number of apps and programs that you can use to rotate it back to the orientation that you want, although I haven’t used it the following app seems to do what it says on the tin, give it a go eh?… https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/video-rotate-flip-no-time/id813426004?mt=8

Hi I have a Kodak esp3.2s printer. This works well with my PC but obviously not with my iPad. Is there an APP available to download to my iPad to overcome this problem as I do not wish to go to the expense of another printer, this one is relatively new. I am over in Spain often and enjoy your articles in the Courier.I would be grateful for your advice. Thanks.

A

Hi Keith, yes there does seem to be an app for your iPad for this printer, you can find more details at... https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/kodak-document-print-app/id552862531?mt=8

print icon on the toolbar or pressing CTRL and print or by clicking File and print (you office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es don’t detail exactly what you are doing so it’s not clear).

Office: 902 906 200 Mobile: 655 044 970

Don’t forget you can follow me on Facebook www.facebook.com/bluemoonsolutionsspain/ Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es/newsletter .

41

Thursday 24th March 2016

Business Directory

966 921 003 thecourier.es

CHURCH SERVICES Torrevieja Christian Fellowship at Avenida de las Cortes Valencianas 68, Torrevieja 03183, all welcome to their friendly and lively 10.30 am. Service each Sunday morning.

They will not be holding the Wednesday night meeting at 6.00 pm. For further information and/or directions please telephone 966700391 or visit our website on www.tcfspain.org.

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier.

Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club.Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo.Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

GARDENING SERVICES

STAFF WANTED

Monthly Pool Maintenance from 45€ per month.

Monthly Garden Maintenance from 20€ per month. The SPECIALISTS in Community & Private Pools & Gardens, Irrigation Installation, Service and Repairs. Palm Tree Pruning etc..

Underwater Pool Repairs without the need to drain your pool. Call Mike on 698 384 449.

QUIZ MASTER

SITUATIONS VACANT

TUITION

RADIO COSTA MEDIA needs self-employed salesperson for Torrevieja & surrounding areas. Call 685 901 265 or email info@radiocosta.eu

Guitar lessons for beginners, as well as improvers. From 10€ per hour. Call Peter NOW on 966789612 or Mobile number 629975378.

Experienced quiz-master /question setter with personality If you would like a quiz master that is entertaining, questions that are challenging yet not too difficult and is available to host quiz nights in local bars. Tel: 664 838 581.

Twitter Turns Ten

Your weekly guide to maximising your business with TKO Media or brands. Upon opening Twitter, the Tweets they’re most likely to care about from the accounts they follow will appear at the top of the timeline. The rest of the Tweets will then be displayed directly underneath in reverse chronological order, like always. And this change doesn’t affect any ads you run on Twitter — they display in the same way.

On March 21, ten years ago, it began with a single Tweet. Since then, every moment of every day, people connect about the things they care about most — all over the world.

As Twitter marked this milestone, with so much incredible content on Twitter, businesses are always seeking new ways to get noticed. They recently announced an improved timeline to make it easier for people on Twitter to discover great content and for businesses to catch their attention.

The new timeline option helps people see Tweets that are important to them — from their favorite athletes, musicians, politicians,

The best way for small and medium-sized businesses to stand out on Twitter has always been to produce sparkling content. That’s as true now as ever. Read on for seven of our best practices for devising effective Twitter content.

Define the voice of your business To be heard in the noisy environment of social media, it’s crucial to have a clear voice that channels your business’s personality. For example, is your business inspiring, playful, or a serious authority? Use language and tone that conveys the key attributes of your business.

Know your audience

Use Twitter’s audience insights to understand who your followers are and what they care about. You can shape your key content themes and ideas using these insights.

Tap into important events Identify popular events to which you can link your business in an authentic way.

Remember, these can be everyday, personal events like breakfast or lunch, as well as wider cultural events, like Valentine’s Day or Chinese New Year.

Draw in your audience with rich media Use videos, GIFs, photos, and emojis to attract people’s attention and slow down the speed of their Twitter feed. People are three times more likely to engage with Tweets that contain videos and photos.* Use hashtags to help people discover your business Use consistent brand or campaign hashtags to make it easier for your audience to find and search your Twitter content. Alternatively, use popular hashtags to tap into trends or to join

recurring conversations like #motivationmonday or #followfriday.

Respond to Tweets People love to talk to businesses directly on Twitter. Be responsive to any questions, comments, and criticisms that come your way.

Celebrate your advocates When people Tweet about you in a positive way, be sure to like the Tweet and mention or Retweet them. By celebrating customers and fans in this way, you encourage advocacy and loyalty.

Business Directory ACCOUNTING SERVICES

DRAINAGE

ALARMS

ALCOHOLICS

966 921 003 thecourier.es

REMOVALS

SWIMMING POOL SERVICES

ELECTRICIAN

AUTO ELECTRICIAN

HAIRDRESSERS

REMOVALS AUTO LOCKSMITH

INSURANCE

KISS A GRAM

REMOVALS

CAR BREAKERS

CATERING

DRAINAGE

LOCKSMITH

PC REPAIRS

SECOND HAND

SURVEYOR

TV & SKY

PLUMBER

Business Directory

966 921 003 thecourier.es

43

Thursday 24th March 2016

Slamtastic Eddie Plans Ahead

Bale Backed

Former Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon has backed Real Madrid's reported attempt to extend Gareth Bale's contract.

The Welshman has three years left on his current deal and Real hope to keep him until 2021, when he will turn 31.

"It's quite reasonable that they are offering him the contract extension," said Calderon.

Bale became the top British scorer in La Liga against Sevilla on Sunday, taking his tally to 43. It came during a season that began with Bale being linked with a return to the Premier League at Manchester United.

Calderon says the interest of clubs such as that is understandable, but as player, club

and fans are happy, he does not "see any reason for him to leave Real Madrid".

But he also doubts Real would be tempted to sell, even if rivals would be prepared to "break the bank".

"We are not a selling club.

We are a buying club. We've got him and we'd like to have him for a long, long time," Calderon said.

"It's not unusual. No doubt a lot of clubs in Europe would like to have him. He's a top player. "He's showing that here with Real Madrid. He's scoring goals and playing quite well. "He did it very well against Sevilla and everyone here is very happy, so it's quite reasonable that they are offering him the contract extension."

Fan Fury A regional division Spanish football club says one of its players has been hospitalised after being stabbed by a spectator following a match.

Salvador Ferrer from the Alhaurn de la Torre club said that the attack occurred after Sunday's encounter between the club's B-team playing away at rival El Palo.

Ferrer says the 24-year-old

player " whose name was not released " was stabbed on the pitch after the end of the game won by El Palo. A spokesperson for Malaga Hospital Regional said that the 24-year-old victim was in "serious but stable condition" after being treated for two stab wounds to his chest.

A man has been arrested in connection with the incident.

Big Chance Kell Brook is keen for Amir Khan to come through his bout with Saul Alvarez unscathed so he can 'destroy' him. Khan (31-3-KO19) will step up to a catch weight of 155lbs to take on WBC world middleweight champion Alvarez (46-1-1-KO32) on May 7, and Brook will be an interested spectator as he

continues his pursuit of his fellow Briton.

Brook said "I don't want him hurt. I want Khan to win.

If he does, fantastic. "I'm not praying he gets splattered but when it comes to me and him, in this country, I want to destroy him. He's got no respect for me and I've come up the hard way.

England’s Grand Slam winning rugby coach, Eddie Jones, is already looking to the future after his team, having already secured the Six Nations Championship and the Triple Crown, wrapped up matters in France last Saturday night.

Jones’s next target is a Test series win over Australia, the team he coached to the 2003 World Cup Final in Sydney, where they lost to England and that famous last-minute kick from Johnny Wilkinson.

Jones’s next international is against Wales on May 29th — the day after the Premiership final, also at Twickenham, — and formulating the 32 or 33 names that will form the England squad for the three-Test tour of Australia. The Wales match will be a capped international but Jones could be missing keys play-

ers if the top two teams, defending champions Saracens and Exeter, are involved in the Premiership Final.

That would rule out Saracens men Alex Goode, Owen Farrell, Mako Vunipola, Jamie George, George Kruis, Billy Vunipola and Maro Itoje along with Exeter’s Jack Nowell, Henry Slade and Dave Ewers.

After Jones’s 100 per cent start, expectations for England have risen massively since the World Cup but he has been around long enough to know that bumps in the road are going to be hit. He added: “The only thing is to keep improving and you know that sometimes results will go for you and sometimes they are against you. But, if the team keeps improving there is no reason why the

environment will not continue to be very positive and that is very important.”

The frequently fractious relationship between club and country is often used as a reason why England have proved unable to fulfil their potential since the 2003 World Cup, but Jones refuses to view it as an

obstacle.

“If you're coaching a tier one country and you don't think it's possible then you shouldn't be coaching the country,” Jones said.

“Whatever circumstance you've got you've got to work out the best solution.

We have a good solution here in England.”

Kane-Alli New Weapon

Harry Kane believes his partnership with Dele Alli can be a weapon for England at Euro 2016.

The Alli-assist, Kane-finish

combination has reaped seven goals for Tottenham this season - more than any other such pairing in the Premier League.

The seventh was made in a comprehensive win over Bournemouth on Sunday, days before the pair joined up with the England squad for the upcoming friendlies against Germany and Netherlands.

Kane said: "Obviously it depends if we play together, which is down to the manager, but we do have a great understanding.

"Dele's a great player. As a striker, when you make the runs, if you've got a player who can get on the half-turn and play it forward quickly, it's perfect.

"That's what Dele did on

Sunday. He turned, saw my run, played it perfectly into my path and I was able to finish it off.

"I think people have seen that this season, not just with Dele, Kyle Walker set me up on Sunday as well. But Dele is a great lad and a great player, as everyone has seen this season.

"We have a great bunch of English lads at Spurs so we just have to see what team is picked and we go from there."

England play Germany in Berlin on Saturday before hosting Netherlands at Wembley three days later.

FIFA Investigate Beckenbauer Franz Beckenbauer is one of six men to be investigated

by FIFA's ethics committee over the Germany 2006 World Cup bidding process.

The 70-year-old - a World Cup-winning captain and manager with West Germany - led his nation's campaign to host the tournament and was forced to reject allegations last year that a slush fund was set up to buy the votes.

Beckenbauer was also investigated as part of FIFA's probe into alleged corruption and was sanctioned by FIFA earlier this year for failing to cooperate with their investi-

gation into the Russia 2018 and Qatar 2022 World Cup bids.

He is joined in a new probe

by Wolfgang Niersbach, former president of the German FA, vice-president of the 2006 World Cup organising committee and current FIFA and UEFA executive committee member, as well as four others; Helmut Sandrock - former German FA secretary general and tournament director Theo Zwanziger - former German FA president, organising committee vice-president and former FIFA and

UEFA executive committee member Horst R. Schmidt - former German FA secretary general and organising committee vice-president Stefan Hans - former German FA chief financial officer and organising committee chief financial officer A statement released on Tuesday read: "In the cases of Mr Beckenbauer, Dr Zwanziger, Mr Schmidt and Mr Hans, the investigatory chamber will investigate possible undue payments and contracts to gain an advantage in the 2006 World Cup

host selection and the associated funding.

"This could constitute a breach of articles 13, 15, 18 and 19 and. 20 (Offering and accepting gifts and other benefits) and article 21 (Bribery and corruption) of the FIFA Code of Ethics.

44

Ivie Davies on Golf

Thursday 24th March 2016

Spain’s Golfing Bosses Drag Their Feet The Real Federación Española de Golf (RFEG) have 19 federations under their control and control the handicaps of those members who hold a federation card, but the problem lies in the fact that unless your Golf Society is a member and licensed to use the EGA handicap system, and pay in the region of 400 euros a year, then the only time that your handicap will change will be if you enter and play in a RFEG official competition. Now we all know that back in the UK your local club and the secretary administered your handicap from organised competitions to general play through the CONGU system and the English Golf Union, whilst single handicap players are controlled outside the club and then with the area’s Union of Golf Clubs.

But here it seems to be all over the place. It has been mentioned that membership of the RFEG has dropped and this could be for many reason, like expat players returning to their respec-

tive home countries, but my theory is that there are fewer renewals and new applications, simply because they get nothing in return and it’s cheaper to pay the insurance fee every time they play.

But it goes deeper than that, as the RFEG is a national member of the European Golf Association (EGA) and yet they fail to follow the rules as provided by the EGA in particular relating to handicapping.

But who are the EGA? At the Annual General Meeting of the European Golf Association (EGA) in October 1994 in Luxembourg, the National Associations, who were members of the EGA, decided unanimously that the EGA should have its own H a n d i c a p p i n g Committee. In January 1995, the Executive Committee established the EGA handicapping and Course Rating Committee (H&CRC). The main task of this committee was to establish, maintain and regulate an EGA handicap System

that all EGA members could use in the future.

The EGA Handicap System is based on three well-known cornerstones: 1. Part III of the CONGU Scheme 1983, amended edition 1997.

2. The Course and Slope Rating System of the United States Golf Association.

3.

The Stableford System to achieve Stroke Control.

It took several years of consultation with the National Associations to gather all the necessary information, but finally the EGA handicap System was introduced on 1st January 2000. The purpose of the system was to produce a fair playing handicap that is adjusted to the relative difficulty of the course being played and to achieve equity and uniformity of handicapping throughout Europe. But in 2008, the RFEG decided without any reference to the EGA to change the Slope System herein, effectively isolating itself, they added different

reduction categories.

This in fact expired in 2010, but it is still on their website.

In January this year a new edition of the EGA Handicapping System was introduced which was to go through to 2019, but did the RFEG follow suit? NO! When I asked them why, I was told that they are finishing a new IT structure for handicapping, and were expected to launch the new IT and all the new changes of the EGA Handicap System. They admit to still using CSA (ASC in Spanish language), and say the change to the new system will be announced in due time.

There are many Golf Societies that use the EGA system as announced in January to control their handicaps even using software that has been upgraded, so why is it taking the RFEG so long?

One of the changes the EGA made was to introduce the Computer Buffer Analysis (CBA) but the RFEG still use the old

CSA which is similar to the CONGU Competition Scratch Score (CSS) which now brings me back to the use of the Handicap System.

It was confusing to say the least when trying to establish when the CBA or CSA should be used on one part it states that it should be used to calculate buffer zones in a player’s handicap category in all qualifying competitions, in another section it says: “Sometimes a round of golf is played under conditions which are not “normal” relative to the rating of the course, e.g. extreme weather or very difficult course set-up, but within the EGA Handicap System, such a round can still be used for handicapping purposes, provided all other handicap conditions for a qualifying round are met.

However, when conditions are “abnormal” to the extent that it would be unfair to let the result affect a player’s handicap, an allowance should be made to compensate, within the EGA Handicap

System this allowance is referred to as Computed Buffer Adjustment (CBA).

Account for weather and course conditions that vary significantly from normal” Confused?

Me too!

There is talk that the RFEG will issue a directive to Golf Societies to enable them to use the RFEG/EGA handicap system, as long as they meet certain criteria but you can bet this will be based on a minimum number of members, who will have to hold a Federation license and an annual Euro based fee to allow them to use the web site based system.

It’s not rocket science to get players to join. All they have to do is to introduce a pro-rata payment system. Not like they have now, so if you join in September, you pay for a year and then in the January you pay another year’s subscription. In addition the RFEG should communicate with members and tell them the benefits.

Let me wish you a very Happy Easter!

TITTER ON THE TEE A Scot and an American were talking about playing golf during the various seasons of the year. "In most parts of the USA we cannot play in the winter time. We have to wait until spring," the American said.

"Why, in Scotland we can even play in the winter time. Snow and cold is no problem to us," said the Scot.

"Well, what do you do? Paint your balls black?" asked the American. "No", said the Scot "we just put on an extra sweater or two."

KNOW YOUR RULES

QUESTION

Two players started a Medal round from the 10th Tee, but erroneously they record their scores in the boxes for the front nine and vice versa.

Should they be disqualified even though the scores were correct?

ANSWER Yes, since the scores recorded for some holes would be lower than those actually taken.

The Courier Sport

45

Thursday 24th March 2016

Kike’s Day To Remember CD CASTELLON 1 CD TORREVIEJA 2

Internationals Thursday 24 March 15:00 Malta v Moldova 19:00 Estonia v Norway 19:00 Greece v Montenegro 20:00 Denmark v Iceland 20:00 Ukraine v Cyprus 20:45 Czech Republic v Scotland 20:45 Italy v Spain 19:45 Turkey v Sweden 20:45 Wales v Northern Ireland

Friday 25 March 17:00 Armenia v Belarus 20:15 Luxembourg v Bosnia & Herzegovina 20:30 Slovakia v Latvia 20:45 Netherlands v France 20:45 Rep. Of Ireland v Switzerland 21:45 Portugal v Bulgaria

Saturday 26 March

Torrevieja teenager, Kike, turned in a terrific secondhalf substitute goalkeeping performance to save a penalty, which helped give his side their best away result of the season against a promotion-seeking Castellon side, who rarely lose at home. The north Valencian outfit had notched up 34 points from their last 15 matches, but despite a positive start from them, it was Torry that got the first goal. Suarez was a popular player with Castellon, where he started this season, and so he was roundly booed and jeered every time he received the ball - which was a lot! He took the 24th minute corner though which was nodded home by Carrasco to silence the crowd, though the home side tried to dominate first half matters, with Torry on the back foot.

Despite leading one nil at the interval, Torry knew they would be under the kosh once more for the second period, and it proved to be so, with a robust home outfit bringing on the big boys and putting Torry under pressure from a series of place kicks.

Midway through the second period, the linesman on the far side intervened, asking the referee to come to him, advising him to send off Miguel and award Castellon a penalty. Miguel was incensed, as were the Torry players, believing it was Miguel who had been fouled. After an inordinate delay, Miguel was off and teenager Kike gloved up and paced on his goal line to face a home penalty. The youngster dived to his right as the ball was drilled low and he saved it to the astonishment of the parti-

san fans behind his goal.

Twice within the next ten minutes Kike made point blank saves to maintain Torry's slender advantage.

With an extra man, Castellon could not find a way through as every Torry player soaked up the pressure. Suarez was replaced by the insightful Sanchez and he began to orchestrate some forward forays for Torry as they held on, with Lewis Allen missing a good chance close to the ninety minute mark. Torry were not done though, as Sanchez once more battled for the ball inside the opposition half. He drove forward and then cleverly jinked past two defenders before gliding into the penalty box. He kept his composure and waited until he could see the gaping goal, slamming the ball into the net to double Torry’s

advantage.

However, despite this being the last minute of normal time, there at least six extra injury time minutes pending, and after five of those additional minutes, the Torry defence was breached after failing to clear the ball inside the box. It was pounded high into the Torry net from ten yards by Antonio, with Kike diving in vain but without much hope.

Castellon continued to believe they could find an equaliser, but Torry's ten men redoubled their resolve and maintained control until the final whistle. It was a top Torry show for only their fourth away win of the season. Next up is seventh-placed Torre Levante who visit the Vicente Garcia Stadium for a 5.00 pm kick off this Saturday, a day earlier than normal because of Easter.

Monte’s Home Blues CD MONTESINOS 0 FORMENTERA CF 1

It's obvious that Montesinos are missing potency up front with Carlos out for the season and Macan also out with a neck injury sustained in training.

But manager Roberto must be thinking they have enough quality to see off sides well below them such as Formentera,

but for the second successive home match, a side well below them in the table walked away victors, and Formentera’s celebrations at the end last Sunday showed how much it meant to them.

Monte at times resembled the Big Bad Wolf huffing and puffing and getting

nowhere during the first half, but they still had good chances to score, with a couple of good free-kick shots from O’Rourke, and Paredes producing a fine tip-over save from the Formentera keeper. They had all the chances but were frustrated at every turn.

It was more of the same in the second half with Monte keeper Lopez involved in just one energetic moment which was to pick the ball out of the net when the visitors stunned the spectators with a shock but well-worked goal in their only serious attacking attempt.

Roberto immediately rang the changes, but they had little effect as O’Rourke squandered yet another good opportunity, but the easiest chance of the game fell to Alberto who shot straight at the keeper. The result killed off Monte’s chances of play-off spotFORMENTERA stopper. A succession of corners came to nothing and the disappointing result left Monte with only the slimmest of slight chances of getting a play-off spot, which a month ago seemed to be a serious possibility.

17:00 Russia v Lithuania 17:30 Austria v Albania 17:30 Poland v Finland 18:00 Azerbaijan v Kazakhstan 18:00 Hungary v Croatia 20:45 Germany v England

Sunday 27 March 15:30 Thailand v South Korea 20:45 Romania v Spain

Monday 28 March 18:00 Andorra v Moldova 20:00 Ukraine v Wales 18:00 Liechtenstein v Faroe Islands 20:45 Northern Ireland v Slovenia

Tuesday 29 March 19:00 Estonia v Serbia 18:00 Montenegro v Belarus 20:00 F.Y.R. Of Macedonia v Bulgaria 19:30 Greece v Iceland 20:00 Norway v Finland 20:15 Luxembourg v Albania 20:30 Austria v Turkey 20:30 Sweden v Czech Republic 20:30 Switzerland v Bosnia & Herzegovina 20:45 Belgium v Portugal 18:00 Georgia v Kazakhstan 20:45 Germany v Italy 20:45 Rep. Of Ireland v Slovakia 21:00 Scotland v Denmark 21:00 England v Netherlands 21:00 France v Russia

Leicester To Play Barcelona Leicester will play Barcelona and Paris StGermain in this summer's pre-season International Champions Cup. The Premier League leaders will play Celtic in Glasgow on 23 July, PSG in Los Angeles on 30 July and Barcelona in Stockholm on 3 August.

The Foxes are among five Premier League clubs taking part in the pre-season tournament, based mainly in the United States.

Liverpool face Chelsea at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena on 27 July.

The Reds will also play AC Milan in Santa Clara in California on 30 July and Barcelona on 6 August, at a venue to be announced.

Chelsea play Real Madrid on 30 July at a venue also not yet announced and then travel to Minneapolis to play AC Milan on 3 August.

The 10 teams in the main competition also include Bayern Munich, while Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur will play standalone matches in China and Australia, respectively.

Meanwhile, Manchester United will take part in an eight-day, two-game tour of China this summer, where they will play Manchester City in Beijing.

The Premier League season will start later this year on Saturday 13 Augus 2016..

46

Thursday 24th March 2016

Sting In The Tail

Ozil Exit Talk

VILLARREAL 2 BARCELONA 2

Barcelona stretched their incredible unbeaten run to 39 games in all competitions on Sunday but were forced to settle for a draw at Villarreal. The point moved the Catalan giants nine clear at the top of La Liga, after a surprise defeat for Atletico Madrid, but the leaders did throw away a two goal lead and two points.

Barca moved ahead when Ivan Rakitic fired a low shot past several home defenders, pouncing on a loose ball after Lionel Messi's free-kick. Neymar calmly converted a controversial penalty after he was adjudged to be fouled by home keeper Sergio Asenjo. But fourth-placed Villarreal fought back through Cedric Bakambu's neat finish and Jeremy Mathieu's own goal.

Next for Barcelona is the small matter of El Clasico a week on Saturday.

Real Optimism REAL MADRID 4 SEVILLA 0

Real Madrid coach Zinedine Zidane insists his side "can do great things" this season after watching them thrash Sevilla last Sunday. With Karim Benzema back in the starting line-up after a three-week absence through injury, Zidane was able to call upon his firstchoice attacking trio of the French striker, Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo for the first time in over two months, and each of them got on the scoresheet, as did substitute Jese. Bale became the leading British scorer in La Liga history, overhauling Gary Lineker’s record.

Madrid play Barcelona when they return from the international break on Saturday April 2nd, and Zidane believes his team can still salvage a disappointing season if they produce repeat performances. They are 10 points behind leaders Barca in the table.

"Before the game I said we had had one of our best week's training and this performance is the fruit of that work. I'm very happy, as it's one of the best games since I've been here. Clasicos are always special. We have to keep improving and it was important to head into it with a victory. We're ready, it'll be a great game."

Frustrating Times

Arsenal midfielder Mesut Ozil has rubbished reports in Spain which claim he could leave the club if manager Arsene Wenger stays.

Spanish weekly sports magazine Don Balon claimed that Ozil is plotting a return to La Liga should Wenger not take up some Gunners fans' requests to move on this summer.

Wenger has received criticism from sections of supporters as his side have slid 11 points behind Premier League leaders Leicester with eight games to go.

Paper Gossip

Jose Mourinho has reportedly been approached

by Arsenal by a third party said to be working on behalf of the Gunners.

Steve Evans is set to become the sixth manager sacked at Leeds United by owner Massimo Cellino.

Chelsea target Axel Witsel says he wants to leave Zenit St Petersburg this summer to "play in a bigger league".

West Ham are weighing up a summer swoop for Manchester United midfielder Michael Carrick.

Manchester City are confident they are Lionel Messi's first choice should he leave Barcelona, with the club's senior executives having inquired about the Argentinian.

Arsenal are tracking the Lorient left-back Raphaël Guerreiro before a possible summer bid, as Arsene Wenger considers whether to listen to offers for Kieran Gibbs.

West Ham fear being priced out of a move for Liverpool's unsettled striker Christian Benteke by the player's £120,000 a week wages.

Manchester United have dropped a huge hint there will be a managerial change in the summer by releasing a three-page document outlining their pre-season plans - but failed to mention Louis van Gaal at all.

Romelu For Real?

ELCHE 0 ALMERIA 0 The story of Elche’s season so far is about the top scoring feats of their striker Sergio León, and the massive frustration of being unable to put away relegation candidates at home, in complete contrast to getting good results against promotion contenders.

Elche had the best of the first half last Saturday against a team they played against in the top tier last year, but the Ilicitanos and Almeria didn’t really create a golden scoring opportunity in the first period.

The home fans were left open mouthed in the second half, when Almeria took control, and even when they were down to ten men in the 82nd minute after Saveljich was red-carded for fouling Sergio León, the Ilicitanos had nothing to deliver in yet another poor display against a struggling side, which will be the main reason they don’t make it into the play-off’s this spring.

On the plus side, Elche are in tenth spot in the table, and after the Almeria disappointment, they will probably relish a visit this Saturday to the Segunda table-toppers, Leganes.

The Courier Sport

EURO

UEFA D E T T I M M CO & E F A S TO SECURE

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>> Fiesta as Spanish

Newcastle Have Real Madrid have reportedly begun talks to seal the transfer of Everton striker and Chelsea target Romelu Lukaku. Real have watched him five times this season and could see him as a replacement for Karim Benzema.

Chelsea have recently been linked with a move to re-sign the 22-year-old. But Real are in talks with Mino Raiola, his agent, and could bid £60million, according to The Sun. Lukaku is understood to be happy at Goodison Park, though he is keen to play in the Champions League.

Newcastle United have "virtually nothing left" in the bank, according to owner Mike Ashley.

And the controversial Sports Direct owner says "don't come crying to me" when it is all gone.

The Magpies are in a perilous position, staring relegation from the Premier League in the face with eight games left following Sunday's 1-1 draw with Sunderland.

Ashley insists they have had a "proper go" this season, after spending upwards of £80m on new players over two transfer windows.

But he said "All I can say is; there is a bank account. When you have emptied it, it's empty. Don't come crying to me for more money.

"There is virtually nothing left now.

They have emptied it. I have virtually nil affect on Newcastle in reality because I only pick the board."

John McGregor on Sport

47

Thursday 24th March 2016

LOCKOUT FEAR!

All Change At Valencia Gary Neville will remain in charge of La Liga club Valencia until the end of the season - but will then leave the club this summer. England coach Neville has held lengthy talks with Valencia owner Peter Lim and other members of the club’s hierarchy and has taken the decision to go. That’s despite being earlier offered a two-year contract to stay on.

Neville has stayed behind in Valencia this week and will join up with England for the friendly with Germany in Berlin on Saturday. The news comes after Valencia’s dreadful slump in form with Neville unable to improve results since his shock arrival before Christmas.

Valencia had discussed giving Neville a two-year contract but that has now been discarded as the former Manchester United defender will leave this summer.

The club are likely to make Rayo Vallecano coach Paco Jemez their No1 target to take charge this summer.

E B D L U O EURO C D E S O L C D BEHIN

!

S R O O D

Pause For Thought

football fans celebrate their team's 4-0 Euro 2012 final win.

'Nothing Left' Ashley said on Monday that the club are stuck with him if they go down and he admits he regrets buying Newcastle for £134m in 2007.

"Do I regret getting into football? The answer is yes. I've had tonnes of fun in it but I haven't been able to make the difference I wanted to make in football. "I wanted to help Newcastle. I wanted to make it better. But I haven't seemed to be able to have that effect.

"I think everyone can agree we've had a proper go at it this season but the results haven't been ideal."

Sports Direct owner Ashley insists new manager Rafa Benitez is the right man to try and keep them up but he will not sell if the worst is realised."I think we've got the right man in the job. If there's any chance of us staying up - let's hope Rafa can do the business and keep us up."

Most football ‘neutrals’ (if there are any) would like to see unfancied, provincial Leicester City win the Premier League this season - and it would be hard to argue that the Foxes don’t deserve it with the exciting brand of football they have played thoughout this season.

But if, the quirky football God forbidding they don’t, then probably the only team who could take the title would be Spurs.

All things and a few hundred thousand Arsenal supporters aside, would that be a bad thing for English (and Welsh) football? Tottenham have also served up some mightily exciting stuff this super season, and are keeping it going to the wire.

Mauriccio Pochettino has proved that his Spanish and Southampton managerial apprenticeship was not a ‘crest of a wave’ one-off, indeed the South Coast tsunami has been continued by Ronald Koeman - well done to the Dutchman.

Loyal Spurs’ fans have been reared on great exciting times stemming

back to the Sixties, with Billy Nicholson’s double days of Greaves, Blanchflower and Mackay, not forgetting the Hoddle and Waddle times of the Eighties. Overshadowed by nasty neighbours Arsenal for a good while now, Dan-the-man Levy’s club have really shone this season with Harry Kane, Christian Eriksen et al doing their stuff with aplomb to entertain everyone. In sharp and painful contrast over at the Emirates, the Red season is already over with Arsene Wenger, as usual, doing his best to irritate the Gooners with his strange line-ups when it matters in key matches.

Will he go? Will he hell!

Do you remember ages ago back to the start of the season when moneybags Man City stormed out of the blocks? The Blues looked invincible, having splashed out over £100 on two (more) new players, Kevin de Bruyne and Raheem Sterling.

Most of us asked ‘Could they be beaten?’, not believing they could. Well, now look at the sorry

state City are in, albeit still with an outside chance of winning the Champions League (remember when unfancied Chelsea did it in 2007) – although equallyover-monied PSG will soon have something to say about that. Now after Sunday’s disastrous defeat, City are scrapping it out with their own nasty neighbours United, should it all go wrong in Europe – and West Ham might have a point or two to prove there as well. I will bring you more about my views on the current state of play of the rest of the Premier League next week!

The Latest Sport Headlines FOOTBALL Belgium's game with Portugal on Tuesday has been called off in the wake of the terrorist attacks in Brussels..

GOLF Rory McIlroy is determined to head to Augusta with winning momentum as he prepares to defend his WGC-Dell Match Play title in Texas this week.

CRICKET Guptill steers New Zealand into semis.

TENNIS Robson loses in Miami Open first round.

FOOTBALL Leicester to play Barcelona and PSG. FOOTBALL Gutierrez let go amid cancer concerns..

CRICKET England women seal tense win over India.

FOOTBALL Werder Bremen defender Papy Djilobodji has been banned for three games after making a throat-slitting gesture during Saturday's 1-1 draw with Mainz.

FOOTBALL Barcelona striker Luis Suarez has returned to training with Uruguay after his ban for biting Giorgio Chiellini at the 2014 World Cup. FOOTBALL The FA Cup quarter-final replay between West Ham and Manchester United has been scheduled for Wednesday 7pm at Upton Park on April 13.

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D N A L G EN

e b o t t e s e n a K England’s greatest!

With Euro 2016 just round the corner, England boss Roy Hodgson has now got two big ‘friendlies’ to test out his potential team to play in France this summer. On Saturday, they play the mighty old enemy Germany in Berlin at the Olympiastadion, then on Tuesday, Holland come to Wembley. Hodgson had named a 24-man squad, but already there are a few changes.

As announced last week, there is one new face in the squad, Leicester City’s midfielder Danny Drinkwater, while uncapped Danny Rose is also selected. Daniel Sturridge, Danny Welbeck, Jordan Henderson and Fraser Forster are all back after injury. So the 24-man squad is as follows: Forwards: Harry Kane (Spurs), Daniel Sturridge (Liverpool), Jamie Vardy (Leicester), Theo Walcott (Arsenal), Danny Welbeck (Arsenal).

Midfielders: Dele Alli (Spurs), Ross Barkley (Everton), Eric Dier (Spurs), Danny Drinkwater (Leicester ), Jordan Henderson (Liverpool), Adam Lallana (Liverpool), James Milne (Liverpool) Defenders: Ryan Bertrand (Southampton), Gary Cahill (Chelsea), Nathaniel Clyne (Liverpool), Phil Jagielka (Everton), Danny Rose (Spurs), Chris Smalling (Manchester United), John Stones (Everton), Kyle

DJOKOVIC PAY ROW

World number one Novak Djokovic said he never meant to cause controversy by saying male players deserve more prize money than women.

The 11-time Grand Slam champion said he spoke out because the sport needed a "fairer and better distribution of funds across the board".

Walker (Spurs).

Goalkeepers: Jack Butland (Stoke), Fraser Forster (Southampton).

With Jurgen Klopp declaring Daniel Sturridge fully fit again after six full weeks’ training. He got Liverpool’s second against Southampton, likewise with Arsenal’s Danny Welbeck, also in form after a long injury lay-off.

Whereas Leicester’s Jamie Vardy and Tottenham’s Harry Kane have been playing their socks off for their clubs all season, Sturridge, Welbeck and Theo Walcott have not - and that could be great news for England in France. England’s midfield looks full of potential: Spurs Dele Alli joins teammate Eric Dier plus the sound Liverpool trio of Henderson, Lallana and Milner enriches Hodgson’s choices. That’s not forgetting Everton’s classy Ross Barkley, and after such an influential season it would be great if Danny Drinkwater is in the starting line up for either match. In central defence England have a good blend of experience with Gary Cahill and Phil Jakielka, backed up with the future in Chris Smalling and John Stones. With the full backs being Nathaniel Clyne, Leighton Baines, Kyle Walkers and Ryan Bertrand. Joe Hart should be back shortly in goal, but Stoke’s Jack Butland looks a great back up.

NO TO

!

S G A W

Wives, girlfriends and family members will be banned from Wales' team hotel during the early stages of their Euro 2016 campaign, says boss Chris Coleman. The rule also applies to Coleman so Sky Sports presenter Charlotte Coleman will also not be allowed into their camp.

"There will be no family, no girlfriends, no wives in our hotel in the first period of the group stage," said Coleman. "We have three games in 10 days and there's no time."

Wales, who will be at their first major tournament since the 1958 World Cup, play group matches against Slovakia, England and Russia.

Coleman said there was a six-day period after the group stages when players can "spend some time with the family".

Wales have two warm-up friendlies, starting with Northern Ireland tonight in Cardiff, before going to the Ukraine four days later.

R E P M U B

DEAL!

The King Power chief has two years remaining on the deal he signed last summer, but his success with the Foxes has attracted admiring glances.

Leicester are set to reward Claudio Ranieri with a new deal in a bid to fend off interest in the Italian.

The manager, 64, has two years remaining on the contract he signed at the King Power last summer, but his success with the Foxes has attracted admiring glances around Europe.

Leicester could lose Ranieri as early as this summer, according to The Times , as his current deal contains a break clause that can be activated by either party. The Premier League leaders will table improved terms in a bid to nail down the ex-Chelsea chief's future and remove the termination clause from his contract.

Ranieri has defied the odds to put Leicester in poll position to win the title, with the Foxes five points clear of their nearest rivals.

LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE

The ease with which drivers can get out of an upturned car will be looked at before finalising the introduction of head protection next year.

Crashes like Fernando Alonso’s 180mph crash in Melbourne on Sunday will be part of a risk assessment into the 'halo' device, which is planned for 2017.

THE COURIER No.1 for SPORT! All the action p 44-47