The Courier Newspaper - 192 - 24th October 2014 by TKO UK

Edition 192

www.thecourier.es

Friday, October 24, 2014

GETTING THE NEEDLE FREE FLU JABS ON OFFER

By ALEX TRELINSKI The Costa Blanca area has seen the launch of the annual Valencia Government flu vaccination campaign with the Minister of Health, Manuel Llombart, asking people who may be vulnerable to the virus, to take advantage of the jabs. The Murcia region launched their push last week with a quarter of a million doses available in the area as of last Monday. Injections are available free of charge to people in vulnerable groups like those aged over 65; pregnant women; those who work in the health sector; and those who are seriously ill. 800 thousand vaccine doses have been made available in the Valencia region at cost of 2.6 million euros, with 300 thousand injections allocated to Alicante Province. Last year there was concern over the spread of the Type A virus, which took some lives in both the Valencia and Murcia areas, with the local administrations pleading with people to take advan-

tage of the free jabs. Like last year, the Valencian Health Minister, Manuel Llombart has called on anybody in a “risk group” to be vaccinated against flu to prevent any serious problems, adding

that anybody aged over 65 who had a jab, stood an 80 per cent better chance of beating flu and avoiding a hospital visit as opposed to somebody who did not bother. Despite last year’s warnings, with just under 48 thousand logged cases of flu in the Valencian region, only around 50 per cent of elderly people in both the Murcia and Valencia regions went for an anti-flu injection, and only around 20 per cent of health workers got inoculated. Murcia’s Public Health Manager, Francisco Garcia, echoed calls from Valencia for a larger take up of vaccines with a hope that at least 65 per cent of the vulnerable mid-sixties and over population will be jabbed. A new innovation in both regions for this year is the introduction of flu jabs for people who are allergic to eggs and antibiotics, which will be available in health centres across the area.

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Friday, October 24, 2014

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E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE C/ Luis Canovas Martinez 03183 Torrevieja Phone: 966 921 003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1630 EDITOR Alex Trelinski LAYOUT & DESIGN James Bone ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor

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Publication Published by TKO Media and Entertainment S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 188 - 2014 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for any readers letters or claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features. Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or nonappearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

Picture of the Week

966 921 003 679 096 309

“The Sky in Quesada”

Photo by Dean and Nicola from Lo Crispin

EVICTION FIGHT By TONY MAYES A Los Altos mother is threatened with eviction and having her sick son taken into care if she doesn’t come up with over four thousand euros by mid-December. The locally-based charity, Help at Home Costa Blanca is trying to rally support amongst the local British community to make sure that doesn’t happen by organising a series of fund raising events. Alicia Garcia, who lives at Villas Don Sancho in Los Altos, Torrevieja, had a fire at her home two years ago, when a fridge/freezer, which should have cut out when it developed a fault, failed to do so - ironically just outside its guarantee period. The fire spread to a courtyard covered in a plastic roof and damaged other people´s property. Alicia was not insured because of previous financial problems, and now, as a result, faces eviction from her home in December. And that means her son Angel will almost certainly be taken away from her and placed into care. HAH Costa Blanca has authorised its fund-raising team to organise as many charity events as possible to raise the 4373 euro bill to thwart the insurance company and put an end to the eviction and the break-up of the family. Alicia has had a

h a r d and difficult life. She met a Spanish m a n and had Angel by him, b u t instead of marrying her, he abandoned both of them. Latterly she has cared for her parents, living in their home, but after they died, their pensions stopped and she was left short of money. Sadly, one of the cut backs was the house insurance. The fire spread to three other properties through the communal area which was covered by a plastic roof. While her English neighbour and a Scottish one helped her, paying to replace

appliances she lost in the fire, the insurer of another neighbour insisted on payment of fire damage in full, and if it is not paid by the December 15th deadline, Alicia will have to appear in court, and almost certainly be evicted to pay the debt. In Spain, once a parent is unable to care for a child, that youngster is taken into care.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines? What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap-

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

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Friday, October 24, 2014

IN THE PINK GULLIBLE DECISION

International Breast Cancer Day was commemorated all around the region last weekend with a series of special events. Last Friday saw the release of symbolic pink balloons in Torrevieja, with the Mayor, Eduardo Dolon (pictured) supported an event organised by the Chiron Hospital and the Torrevieja cancer charity, Afecáncer, which saw the balloons going up over the Plaza de la Constitucion. On Sunday the local fundraisers from Maria and the Pink Ladies raised a bumper 3502 euros at an event at Zenia Boulevard, all of which will be going to the AECC Contra el Cancer charity for research and early detection programmes. The balloons were released(pictured) in an emotional moment to the background vocals of classical singer Paul Michael performing Nessum Dorma, and he was supported by a host of local performers who gave their time free on the day.

Local and regional environmental groups have warned that a colony of Audouin seagulls is being threatened in the Torrevieja area if plans go ahead for a commercial centre at Bricodépôt next to the salt flats. In a report by the Informacion newspaper, it’s suggested that an environmental impact study would have to be ordered especially since the breeding area for the gulls is viewed as the second most important in the world.

DENNIS THE BENEFIT MENACE

HOT SPOT ORIHUELA

The early part of the week sizzled across the Costa Blanca with Tuesday temperatures in Orihuela City leading the way as it notched up an incredible 34.4 degrees Celcius at a quarter past four, which is some six degrees above the average for the month. Beaches on the Orihuela Costa, Torrevieja, and La Marina all had temperatures into the thirties. It’s the second consecutive October to record higher than average figures, with the explanation for the heat being the fact that it was the tail of the storm that hit the Canary Islands, killing one person in Tenerife. It wasn’t a record though as an October figure of 38.5 degrees was

recorded in the Vega Baja back in 1952 in early October. Forecasters stay that the pleasant warm daytime weather is here to stay, though with cooler nights.

DOUBLE VISION

A 29 year old drunk Spaniard had one too many for the road in San Miguel de Salinas last Saturday as his car ploughed into two parked vehicles on Calle Miguel Hernandez. Local cops led the intoxicated motorist away who was found to be wobbling around behind the wheel at over four the times the alcohol limit.

HIGH CHAPARRAL The El Chaparral/La Siesta area of Torrevieja is to get a new outdoor sports and leisure area. It’s to be on land some 40 thousand square metres in size, at the entry to the urbanisation just off the CV905 situated between la Avenida Tiziano and Calle Granados and Calle Henri. Playgrounds, sports pitches and courts are all part of the project which will be created by the Empleo Mediterráneo team who will employ up 40 students on the yearlong project with a budget of 1.2 million euros. The Courier reported on their work last week in the Los Balcones area of the city, with other future future projects being pencilled in for La Mata.

ON TAP

Torrevieja’s domestic water and sewer rates are to be frozen for 2015. Agamed added that their plans for next year include more money going into “social tariffs” for disadvantaged people and that they are budgeting close to three million euros for improvements of their distribution network around the city.

A Murcia region benefit cheat has been highlighted in a new campaign against UK benefit fraudsters living in Spain as the British government tries to claw back millions of pounds that have been stolen from the taxpayer. Some 82 million pounds was retrieved last year in cases involving overseas

benefit fraud, with the Department for Work and Pensions(DWP) quoting the case of a trickster in the area. 74 year old Dennis Troubridge, who was living in Murcia while claiming benefits, was sentenced to 16 months in prison, last September of this year. Troubridge had been living in Spain from 2009, and had claimed over £135,000 in benefits with the assistance of his daughter, Poppy Bowling. Ms Bowling was sentenced to a Community Order for 12 months after providing her address in Dagenham as a benefit

claim address for her father. She also dealt with benefit mail at her address and had control of one of her father’s bank accounts allowing her to withdraw cash from one account and transfer it to an account he had control over. Troubride had been claiming Income Support, Pension Credit, Disability Living Allowance and Housing Benefits, all of which are not exportable when living abroad. The Spanish hotline [900 55 44 40] is free and confidential, and members of the public can call to report suspected benefit thieves in Spain. The line is open from 8am-4pm Spanish time.

HOLA TOURISTS

Spain is all set to break its yearly record for tourist visitors, as September showed a 7.4 per cent rise compared to the same time last year, meaning a record September return of seven million visitors. That means 52.4 million foreign

tourists have come to the country so far in 2014, putting things on target to pass the over 62 million arrivals at the end of the year, compared to the final figure for 2013 of 60.9 million, which in turn was a record year. Britain continued to the lead pack for visitors across the year, with 12.3 million tourists, up 5.6%, accounting for 23.6% of the total, according to official government figures. France was next with 8.6 million visitors (up 11.5%, accounting for 16.4% of the total), followed by Germany with 8.3 million (a hike of 6.9%, which accounted for 15.9% of all nonresidents). The Valencia region, including the Costa Blanca, recorded a rise of 4.8% to over 5 million tourists so far in 2014, with September showing some 2.9% more tourists compared to the same time last year (654,858 visitors).

JOBS BOOST

Friday, October 24, 2014

FISHY STORY

RIDDLE OF HOSPITAL “HIT”

35 illegally slaughtered blue fin tuna have been uncovered by Guardia Civil divers in waters off San Pedro del Pinatar. Several tons of fish that had already been gutted and grouped up to 38 metres below sea level were recovered in an operation carried out with the Agriculture Ministry, with the final destination suspected to be Japan. No arrests have so far been made.

A sixth floor patient in Alicante General Hospital got a shock last week as his recovery was interrupted by two hooded axe-wielding men who stormed into his room and tried to cosh him. He was fortunate to suffer only minor injuries to his legs, though the patient told the police that he didn’t believe that the thugs were trying to take his life. Security guards and the police were unable to catch the masked attackers.

ROOFTOP SHUFFLE ALL CLEAR Over 150,000 Spaniards found work from July to September, Spain's best summer since the country's economic crisis began, according to official figures released yesterday (Thursday). The total number of jobless in Spain now number 5.43 million, down from just under six million one year ago. The drop of 515,700 in one year is the biggest year-on-year reduction ever seen in the third quarter of a year, with the current percentage jobless rate standing at 24.47 per cent. The largest fall in the dole queue in Alicante Province was in Torrevieja where 488 people came off the register during the summer, taking the overall figure to 8,704, as opposed to 10,633 in January this year.

MANY THANKS

The ASOKA Animal Protection Centre in San Bartolomé on the CV91 Orihuela-Almoradi road celebrated its second birthday last weekend with an open day. The number of volunteers has gone up since the centre started caring for homeless dogs and other animals. At present the centre looks after 200 dogs and 60 cats, as well having two goats, a pony and five pigs, all awaiting adoption! ASOKA also works with animal charities around Europe, include those in Britain.

SCHOOL WILL HAPPEN

Rojales council and education chiefs have been given a pledge by Valencia’s Education Department secretary, Manuel Tomás, that building work on a replacement for the dilapidated Príncipe de España school will start next year. Valencian President, Alberto Fabra, made a surprise announcement in Parliament a few weeks ago over the school and over building projects in the area, though no exact dates were mentioned. A delegation, including representatives of the Parents Association (AMPA) met Manuel Tomás in a meeting scheduled in Valencia before Fabra’s declaration. A previous study showed that work would cost in the region of four and a half million euros, with the next stage being announcing timetable for the tender process. The current fifty year old building has been criticised for being unsafe and unfit for the purpose of teaching youngsters with a catalogue of healthy and safety issues causing protests over the last three years from parents, pupils, teachers, and local politicians, who had been repeatedly told that there was no money in the Valencian Government coffers.

A Moroccan man who lives in Los Alcazares has been collared by the Guardia Civil and charged with a series of house robberies around the town. The 38 year old concentrated on stealing high value items from the upper floors of buildings, but he was nicked, when he failed to flee from the law in a rooftop chase which finished in his capture and arrest.

NAUGHTY OSCAR

Former Elche councillor, Óscar Morales, is in the dock for faking cancer for five years to claim a sick pension. The ex-United Left (IU) member is said to have forged reports from three hospitals(including two in Elche and Alicante) back in 2008 in order to sign up for incapacity benefit, after which he received one thousand euros a month until he was caught. A total of seventy thousand euros was paid by the Social Security office to the fraudster, all of which he has refunded, but will still face criminal charges.

SMILE, IT’S MURCIA Murcia’s tourist bosses are going to be saying cheese in the future with a big smile being unveiled as the new tourist symbol for the region. It’s going to be worldwide icon for the Costa Calida, with the outer circle symbolising the ever present sun in the area, and the smile representing the friendly nature of the Murcian people. The designers claim that the symbol will be easy to remember, as well as having an optimistic feel to it. Lorries carrying Murcian products all over the world will carry the logo, as will fruit, vegetables, and furniture produced in Spain, with a big “recognition” campaign for the emblem being launched next month.

A Spanish nurse who was the first person to catch Ebola outside Africa is now free of the deadly virus, doctors confirmed on Tuesday, easing fears of it spreading in Europe. "The criteria set by the World Health Organization for curing the Ebola virus have been fulfilled... She is now cured," said Doctor Jose Ramon Arribas (pictured with his team), head of the infectious diseases unit at Madrid's Carlos III hospital. Arribas said Romero's "physical and mental strength" had been key in her ability to beat the infection, adding it was impossible to know if experimental drugs used in her treatment had been effective as there were no control groups. Romero was one of the nursing staff at the Carlos III hospital who treated two elderly Spanish missionaries who caught the disease in Africa and died in Madrid in August and September. Her husband Javier Limon and 14 other people who had contact with the nurse before she was diagnosed are under observation at the hospital but none has yet shown symptoms

TOLL CALL

A group of Partido Popular Mayors from across the Vega Baja region have joined forces to call for the earlier scrapping of tolls on the AP7 motorway in the area. The route will go toll-free at the end of 2019 but local politicians want the date brought forward to boost the economy and tourism. Earlier this year, Orihuela Council called for the La Zenia booth to be scrapped to ease traffic congestion in the area which has built up over the last two years since the opening of Zenia Boulevard.

MAN OVERBOARD

A body of a 36 year old man was found floating some 500 metres off the shore of Lo Pagan on Saturday, opposite the Yacht Club. Emergency services were called by his friend, who he had been out fishing with after they both fell asleep in the boat. On waking up, his companion discovered that his fellow fisherman was no longer there.

Friday, October 24, 2014

EAGLE DEATH

A 31 year old Santomera man died on Monday afternoon when he suffered a heart attack on the Pico de Águila(Eagle’s Peak) on the Serra de Orihuela. He’d been climbing with two friends before the tragedy happened. A helicopter was drafted in during the initial operation but the man did not survive the fall, with his body being taken to Alicante for an autopsy.

FIELD DAY Illegal hawkers and dubious traders got a shock at last Sunday’s market at the Polígono La Estrella in Torre Pacheco when a number of them were arrested for selling goods that they could not verify as being legitimately stocked. Officials led by the local police had a field day with Labour and Immigration officials joining the dragnet which saw eight people being collared for illegally being in the country and some 30 containers being removed with some five thousand items ranging from televisions and computer screens through to china. Five vehicles were also impounded as well as 12 drivers being cited for not having correct documentation in addition to twenty sellers not having the appropriate registration certificates to peddle their wares in the area.

SENTENCED A man who was found guilty, as reported in The Courier last week, of strangling his uncle and aunt in their Santiago de la Ribera home in December 2012, has been sentenced to 36 years in jail. José Miguel RC was also ordered to pay around 30 thousands euros in compensation to relatives. His defence was that he had no memory of the events and did not know what he was doing because he was high on drugs.

CONCRETE DECISION The tunnel built to rob an Elche bank in August has been sealed at a cost of just under 30 thousand euros. Over 65 cubic metres of concrete have been used to plug the 52 metre length structure which had been dug in an audacious attempt to steal from the Banco Popular on Calle Jorge Juan. The money for the work has come from Elche’s contingency fund, but a legal wrangle has now started as to who should actually cough up, whilst the robbers are still on the run.

THEY’RE STILL COMING

Russian travel agents from tour operator, “Amigo-S” got a boat ride around the Torrevieja coast in addition to a whistle stop inspection of some the city’s marine facilities when they dropped in last Sunday, as part of their stay on the Costa Blanca. The visit was as a direct result of the region being represented at Moscow’s International Tourism Fair earlier in the year.

Friday, October 24, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

MAN GOES POTTY

A driver who smashed up an ambulance which took him to hospital after he caused a crash has been arrested. He was found to be under the influence of drugs and with no valid licence. Police caught him redhanded ripping out a shelf and the radio transmitter from the vehicle as he waited to be taken into A&E at a Girona hospital. The 20-year-old Spanish national, from Barberà del Vallès smashed into a lorry heading in the same direction as him on the AP-7 northbound in the province of Girona. He and the lorry driver suffered only minor injuries, although the woman travelling in the car complained of shoulder pains. She was led into an ambulance, but the man who had been driving the car she was in refused medical treatment and became very agitated when police

tried to breathalyse and drug-test him – standard procedures after a serious car accident. Although he had not been drinking, tests showed he had been smoking cannabis before getting behind the wheel. He had lost his licence due to a previous motoring offence, and had not yet recovered it by the time of the accident. Once outside A&E, the young man was told to wait in the ambulance while the woman was taken

inside for treatment first, at which he became aggressive and tried to force his way into one of the emergency wards, without success. A few minutes later, nurses saw him inside the ambulance tearing out some of the fixtures. Police searched him and found two bags of cannabis on his person. The youth was taken into custody, but released with charges the next day pending trial.

THANKS FOR NADA

A Costa del Sol woman has been fined 300 euros after she alerted authorities to the fact that two men appeared to be in serious trouble off the coast. 22 year old Nuria was taking a walk with her mother by the beach in Fuengirola earlier this month when she spotted what looked like too men in difficulties on a floating

mattress out at sea. "I wouldn't have been able to sleep peacefully thinking they had died and I didn't do anything," she told local daily Diario Sur of the night in question. "It wasn't normal. It was nearly 10.00 pm and we saw that they were starting to make signals with red lights and they were next to a buoy," she added, explaining she thought they might have been holding onto the beacon for safety. "I couldn't calculate the distance, but when I go swimming — and I know how to swim and I'm from here — I don't go that far out," she explained. Nervous, she contacted local police, but officers dismissed her concerns after the men at sea responded to signals from police with torches with their own. They would have been shouting of splashing about if they were drowning, police said, in a manner she described as dismissive.

Nuria then enlisted other people on the beach to help her persuade police to act. Eventually the 'reluctant' officers called the coast guard. After half an hour, a boat and a helicopter arrived on the scene. Their finding should have been relief: the two swimmers were actually fishermen on a canoe who hadn't noticed all the drama on the shore because they had their backs to the coast. But after the incident police the details of both the fisherman and Nuria herself. "I will now have to pay for the ship and the helicopter being sent out;" she told Diario Sur. "In the end it's the person who alerts (authorities) who suffers. Is it better to look the other way and prey to God they don't drown. I wouldn't do it," she said. "But the way, the kind of person I am makes me certain that I would call again in a similar situation”.

Friday, October 24, 2014

PAWS FOR THOUGHT

GUILTY STABBER A jury has found a 30 year old Moroccan man guilty of murdering a fellow Moroccan in a Pilar de la Horadada street . A 32 year old man died after being knifed in his heart during a brawl on Calle Embajadora in April last year, with an ambulance team unable to revive the victim.

BETTER ROADS

300 thousand Euros worth of rural road improvement works have been finished in the Vega Baja, funded by the Alicante Provincial Council. Improvements have included work on the Granja de Rocamora in Catral and several sections of upgrades on Los Curros in Guardamar, in addition to projects in Rojales and Cox. Dogs and their owners can now enjoy Santa Pola’s first designated dog beach in the Cape area, away from the main beaches. Rules over the conduct of the animals, including the removal of waste material, have been introduced, with the council bowing to pressure from local dog owners to institute a special coastal area for their pets.

GO GONDOLA

Romantics and people with deep pockets will be able to check out one of Italy’s most expensive cities, Venice, when direct flights resume from Alicante-Elche airport next year. During the summer high season, the Spanish operator Volotea will run a twice weekly service to the Gondola city on Tuesday’s and Friday’s beginning in July.

NO CONNECTION

At least half a million Spanish homes still have no internet because there is little or no signal where they live, according to research by telecommunications operator Quantis. Many of these people live in rural areas with such a low population density, or which are so difficult to access, that major market players do not consider it economically viable to provide cover.

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Friday, October 24, 2014

INCY MAKES ME WINCY I THOUGHT it cute when my No.1 grandchild, aged nine, slept over the other night. While he was at my humble home he adopted a house spider which had set up its web inside my porch. My grandson returned home the next day but he made sure he left me a set of instructions. His adopted spider was to be addressed as Fang and I had to check the condition of the creature morning, afternoon and night and report in by phone likewise thrice daily. I had also to ensure that the beast had sufficient to eat by trawling the neighbourhood for dead flies, ants and aphids (or even rendering them unconscious if they were alive and catchable). I was also expected to conduct social experiments by kidnapping other live spiders to see whether they could co-exist in the same web with Fang. However, I drew the line at that. The worst-case scenario of a bunch of angry arachnids fighting it out in my porch for territorial gain did not appeal. All those creatures lashing out at each other, a mass of legs and . . . er . . . legs. No way. I'd be like one of those old Roman emperors watching gladiatorial games. And what if Fang turned out to be one of the casualties? I couldn't live with that. I realise that I should applaud my grandson for showing an interest in the natural world but at the same time he is seriously driving me nuts. Take the other day. I had things to do and places to go but my own tasks and errands had to be placed on the back burner while I devoted my valuable time to hunting around outside for the carcasses of dead little beasties with which to feed Fang. It was my mission to collect the unfortunate deceased things in a bag and from a short distance flick the corpses

one at a time at the web in my porch. Fang would then scuttle across the strands to investigate the latest offerings. 'This is no job for a kind and gentle grandpa,' I complained to Mrs S who sighed and said: 'That's why our grandson has got YOU to do it. For

you are neither kindly nor gentle. You are curmudgeonly and cantankerous.' My jaw dropped in horror. 'You cannot mean that,' I gasped to Mrs S who grinned and replied: 'Of course, I didn't mean it. It's just that I take perverse pleasure in seeing your jaw drop in horror. You are really a very nice man and I want to spend the rest of your life with you.' Still, I remained disturbed ('Now THAT I can agree with,' said Mrs S) and I went to bed that night with a troubled mind. And, oh boy, did I dream. It went like this: My strapping 6ft 2ins tall neighbour Roy suddenly morphed into a same-size budgerigar. Valuable minutes were

lost as Mrs S and I searched frantically for a pet transporter box big enough to take our unfortunate friend to hospital. In the meantime, the poor guy had flown in a frenzied panic into the airing cupboard and could not be coaxed out again until Mrs S called out under the door in soothing tones: 'Who's a cheeky Roy, then?' The triage nurse in A&E reckoned that our poor neighbour had fallen victim to a rare form of avian herpes called chirpees. He was admitted to the emergency ward and a sign placed over his bed which read: 'Nil By Beak.' However, the doctor later ruled out surgery and instead prescribed a course of physiotherapy with special apparatus including a large ladder, a big bell and a massive mirror. At least Roy's condition while incurable appeared to be tweetable. In the final part of my dream, Roy the life-sized budgerigar turned to me and said: 'God bless you, David Silver. You saved my life by getting me into hospital, although a veterinary surgery might have been more appropriate. 'However, I promise that when I get out of here I shall swoop around the neighbourhood and collect insects for you to feed to Fang.' I woke from my dream feeling refreshed. I immediately phoned my grandson. 'Hello, lad. I'm just about to check on your spider and give it some breakfast.' There was a pause then my grandson said; 'Oh, forget Fang. I'm into budgies now. Can I come round for a sleepover tonight?'

Friday, October 24, 2014

LYNDA’S GENEROUS RASCALS SAMARITAN LINK By Terry Crandon from Samaritans in Spain

It is with sadness that we heard that Lynda Bellingham died at the weekend after a long fight with cancer. She died peacefully in her husband’s arms, and for that we can be grateful. Lynda was given an OBE for her work with charities, and here in Spain she was patron of Samaritans in Spain for several years. She began as Patron almost at the inception of Samaritans in Spain when it began as Costa Blanca Samaritans, remaining till just a few years ago when her work commitments became overwhelming for her and she felt she could no longer give the time she felt she should give them She became Patron of the Samaritans in Spain because, as she said, it offered a listening ear to people who so needed one when they really needed it. Lynda’s own personal courage was manifest in her determined fight against cancer, dealing with the chemotherapy that was, as she said, so strong her body was protesting. Her personal

decision to end the therapy in November and to hopefully have one last Christmas with her family was preempted by her sudden death. But even through all the pain, Lynda took time out to prerecord a farewell appearance on Loose Women where she told the world to grasp everything, to not be afraid and to enjoy all we can from our lives. What a profound message to take into our lives. Lynda had this courage, but for some that courage eludes them and they need support. Some find it in family and friends, others in religion or work, but for a few these are not an option. If you feel in

this position it would be a fitting tribute to Lynda and her courage, as well as a courageous thing for you to do for yourself to contact the Samaritans in Spain on 902 88 35 35. They also offer a drop in centre at Punta Marina shopping centre and email support on pat@samaritansinspain.co m. Her passing is a sad day, especially for Samaritans in Spain, but her life and courage is an inspiration to us all, and let us take that message forward. Thank you Lynda for all the love, courage and fun that you have bought into all our lives.

The Rascals musical show group have made a substantial donation to the Torrevieja Alzheimer’s group, AFA. Over twelve-hundred euros was raised which will be used to buy 15 high chairs for the local charity, with the cheque being presented to the AFA President, Matilde Sánchez. Meanwhile, The Rascals are gearing up for the festive season, as they’ve announced the dates for their Christmas show, which will feature a trip to the circus for the first half of their performances. The two dates will be Thursday December 4th at the Los Montesinos School of Culture and Music, and then at Torrevieja’s Virgen del Carmen theatre on Sunday December 14th. Both performances will start at 7.00pm. To reserve tickets, priced at five euros, phone Sue on 966 784 874, and like in the case of AFA, all the ticket sales go to local charities. To find out more about The Rascals look on www.therascals.org

PITCHING IN

Regulars at The Pitch & Pint Bar at Tiro de Pichón on the Orihuela Costa enjoy getting into the community spirit raising hundreds of euros for local charity, as well having fun. As well ‘Race Nights’, their latest event involved no less than 45 customers undergoing the popular ice bucket challenge and collecting 500 euros in doing so. Two charities have benefitted from their soakings:-The AFA (Alzheimer’s Association) in Torrevieja and The San Miguel Food Bank. Bar owner Eira Pimlott told The Courier that her customers have decided to nominate The Food Bank as their first charity in the run up to Christmas and plan to buy presents for the needy children. The bar now has a food drop off point and is working with Food Bank managers to ensure that customers donate what is really needed

Friday, October 24, 2014

HABLA INGLES?

Spanish speakers in the Torrevieja área are being given a chance to learn or to brush up on their English language skills in a series of lessons at the Age Concern Centre in La Siesta. The classes came as a result of Spanish residents asking the Centre to stage them, and so teacher Rita Naughton has welcome her first set of pupils! If you have any Spanish friends or any other nationality who would like to learn English, just come along to the centre on Calle Paganini on any Wednesday morning and sign up. You can phone for more details on 966 786 887.

TOP PANTO MIX!

If you think you’ve seen every pantomime, then think again, as the Christmas Stagestruck panto brings you every one of your favourites in just one show!! On one side you have the goodies like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin, and Robin Hood, as they do battle with the bad-

dies like the Three Evil Witches, Captain Hook, and Abanazar with the nasty ones trying to ruin Christmas by kiling off all the panto goodies, who are now aged in their sixties! Stagestruck’s production of “The Panto Pensioners Save Christmas” is on at San Fulgencio’s Cardenal Belluga Theatre on Thursday November 27th with a matinee performance at 3.30 pm, and 8.00pm stars on the following Friday and Saturday. Tickets are only six euros, which includes a free glass of wine, water or squash on arrival at the theatre. All proceeds from the show will go to the Alzheimer’s Association and The Shoebox appeal for Children in Need. For tickets please phone Stella on 965 076 700 or 693 231 472. Tickets are also available from The Card Place in Benimar , The Laundry in La Marina and Fancy That on The Torettas. This particular panto though is NOT recommended for children!

70 YEARS ON

The Torrevieja Pipes and Drums are currently in a busy period especially with events in connection with the Poppy Appeal, and last Saturday they took part in an event in Murcia City organised by The Codex Belix Association who are a group of enthusiasts who recreate historical events through re-enactments of major battles. The Pipes and Drums were joined by members of The Wessex Pipe Band and the Nottingham Pipe Band in the Gardens of Malecon ahead of a staging of Operation Plunder which saw the crossing of the Rhine in 1944. Before the “battle” began, there was a short remembrance service at the arch in the centre of the garden along with the laying of a poppy wreath. It was followed by a veterans parade led by the Pipes and Drums down the main road to the bridge where the mock battle took place. The Pipes and Drums are next involved in the Help for Heroes fund-raiser in La Zenia tomorrow (Saturday).

CREVILLENTE CATWALK

Glamour hits the Crevillente area this Thursday (October 30th) with a fashion show at the Las Palmeras Restaurant in aid of the Elche Children’s Home. The event starts at midday, but there are 20 VIP passes available for a sneak preview of the items an hour before the show starts, as well as free drinks and a draw to win six bottles of wine or a chocolate hamper. If you are interested in being ahead of the crowd, then E-mail sueinthesun@hotmail.co.uk and you will be sent your special VIP pass! There will be at least five stands including a Christmas stall, shows, jewellery and some gift ideas. Standard entrance tickets are just two euros or if you would like to stay for a three course lunch, then that will cost ten euros fifty (including entry).

POPPY CALL

After last week’s official launch of the 2014 Poppy Appeal for the Costa Blanca, volunteers are needed to help shake the tins at the Iceland supermarket in Torrevieja. The Royal British Legion branch in the city is celebrating its 25th year, but its finding resources somewhat stretched and are after people to help them out. Volunteers are especially need to help out from Monday November 3rd through to till Saturday November 8th, selling Poppy merchandise in teams of at least three people. If you have some time to help in the four hour shifts, please ring the RBL Torrevieja chairman, Gill Burden, on 966 723 888 or 638 512 056. All the funds raised in Spain are used in Spain for the benefit of ex-service personnel and their families.

Friday, October 24, 2014

MY FRIENDS NEED A HOME I wonder if you can give some nice new homes for some gorgeous dogs that my charity has rescued? You’ll love them and they’ll be grateful forever!

Delphi and Spud For a start, we have Delphi, who is around five years old and her son, Spud, who is ten months old. We found them in the road in Spain, searching for food. They must be rehomed together as they are simply inseparable, and they get on well with people, other dogs and they love cats. Wherever one is to be found, there is the other! They even laugh together as one of these

photos show!!! They are both small dogs and mixed breed. Betty is a female Ratonero Bodeguero Andaluz and is around five years old. This breed originates from Southern Spain, and we rescued her from some stables and she was in a terrible state, covered in fleas, ticks, sores and dead skin. She had just given birth to a litter of puppies who were not there when we rescued her. Her nails

Betty

were so long, she could hardly walk and she also had Leishmania. Her eyes were bleeding, parts of her body had bald patches and her spirit had been broken. Day’s before we moved in, her owner was going to have her put to sleep, but we saved her by taking her in. It just shows what a lot of love, empathy and dedication can do for a sick dog and she has made a miraculous recovery in the five months that she has been with us. Her spirit is back and it beams so brightly that it would put a tear in your eye should you see her. She has the most adorable nature and just loves people, other dogs and cats. Betty will make someone an amazing companion and she loves nothing more than cuddles. She has successfully recovered from Leishmania, but will need to have a tablet each day which are not expensive and she takes them with no problem at all.

Annie Annie, is a dog I rescued from a killing station, where she was 12 hours away from being put to sleep, and was the first dog I rescued after the death of my dear mother, and so I called her Annie in memory of my mum. Annie is a mixed breed dog, around the size of a Border Collie. She is six years old and has a lovely nature. It takes her a while to get use to you, but after a day or two she loves a cuddle and strokes. I do not know her background but all I know is that she would make someone a lovely family

PETS CORNER : CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT?

ARCHIE APAH currently has over 80 cats and kittens being cared for in its Cattery. Some of them have lost their loving home, many have never had one like Archie. Can you give one of them a loving home? They have every variation of colour and personality, so there's sure to be one for you! To arrange to visit APAH's Cattery please call 630 422 563 or 616 210 850

BILLY

Billy (pictured) and Bobby are 2 years old and have been living with APAH since being rescued as small puppies. Although they are large dogs, they are both friendly and gentle. Can you give either of them their first home? To meet them, please call 630 422 563 or 616 210 850.

CINDY Cindy is a beautiful six month old young lady seeking a new home. She is chipped and fully vaccinated as well as being good with other dogs. Cindy is a small dog so does not require a large garden or lots of exercise. If you are interested in giving this little lady a second chance then call 610 832 726

ELLE LULU CHLOE Elle, Lulu and Chloe were dumped beside a bin when they were just 1 week old, they have been in a foster home getting bottle fed and are now 7 weeks old and ready for new homes. We think they will be small/medium size when fully grown and are good with other dogs and cats. Call: 645 469 253. www.petsinspain.com

GRU Gru is a happy one year old who is looking for a new

home, and likes other dogs and cats. He enjoys good walks if you don’t have a garden, and he walks on or off a lead. If you call Gruuuuuu, he will always return! If you want him he will want you back; if you love him he will love you more. For more information on this lovely boy, phone PEPA on 650 304 746 or email p.e.pa.animalcharity@gmail.com

SIMBA Simba is a happy and sociable medium-sized (22kgs) nine month girl, that’s great with other dogs, as well as children and cats! She’s fully vaccinated, passported, chipped, blood-tested and sterilised - and ready to go onto a loving home. For more details about lovely Simba, please phone the P.E.P.A. helpline on 650 304 746 or e-mail p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail.com

dog. She is ready to travel anywhere in Europe as she has her pet passport and all jabs have been completed. She has been spayed. I really hope someone out there will fall in love with this beautiful girl. We always have an array of kittens and cats who desperately need homes, and if you are interested, do make con-

tact with us. www.thedogyouneed.com is a registered charity, where we rehabilitate the most severely abused animals. Our charity registration number is 1157175. If you would be kind enough to donate anything to this special cause you can do by Paypal, where the account details are peter@thedogyouneed.co m or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60-16-03 and the account number is 73754900. Thank you.

Friday, October 24, 2014

THE UNJUSTIFIABLE CRIME

A subject that involves all women has been in the news recently, and it is something about which I feel very passionately and I find unbelievable that another woman could justify in any way, shape or form. It is a cruelty and abuse beyond many others and yet, sometimes, just sometimes, people feel that it can be justified. Even I, as a former police officer, believe that some crimes can be justified, such as stealing a loaf of bread to feed a hungry family, although it seems only workers in the UK have to resort to that as the benefits scroungers manage with their Sky TV and cigarettes! Other crimes could be said to be reasonable such as a person assaulting an intruder in their own house, or even murder of an abusive spouse, however there is one crime that, in my opinion, is never justifiable and that crime is rape. ´The girl was drunk´; ´she was wearing a short skirt´; she was ´asking for it.´ I really thought that in the 21st century these types of excuses for a sexual attack on a woman would be no longer acceptable, but it seems that TV personality Judy Finnigan is not alone in thinking they are perfectly acceptable reasons for forcing yourself onto a woman for sexual gratification. Every one of us, male and female, have at some point in their lives got so drunk that they haven´t even been able to get home on their own. What happened to us on that occasion depended entirely on who we were with, and I´m guessing the huge majority of us were taken home and left to sleep it off. But, what about those whose friends desert them and leave them in the clutches of a young man who thinks it´s ok to have sex with this girl because she is so drunk she won´t be able to resist? Or maybe, she agreed to go to his room but at some point she said no or just didn´t have the ability to repel the man´s advances. What then is the man supposed to do? The answer is very clear: - he leaves her alone or takes her home.

Easier said than done I imagine some men will say. Well, I suppose it is if you are thinking with other parts of your body than your brain!

This particular story I am referring to is about a young girl who was picked up in a kebab shop by a footballer who then texted his friend, another footballer, and told him that he had a girl and was bringing her to their hotel. From what I can gather, the first footballer had intercourse with her, which was consensual and then at some point the other footballer, Sheffield United’s Ched Evans(pictured on Sunday), had non-consensual sex and this is the male that has just been released from a four year prison sentence after just over two years. He has continued to protest his innocence and his case is being fasttracked by the Criminal Case Review Commission. But as the facts stand, Evans was found guilty of rape and that should lead the majority of people to believe that he should never play top class football again. As much as they are overpaid divas, footballers are also role models for our youth and what signal does it give if a convicted rapist is allowed to carry on with his high profile job? To me however, this isn´t the worst of the story. The sad truth

is that the young girl involved has been forced to leave her home, been given a false identity and has had to say goodbye to her old friends and even her family. She is living in fear of the trolls; those ill people who hide behind a keyboard to spout vitriol at anyone they feel deserves their hate, and she is scared for her safety. This is the victim, whilst the guilty party has a big gathering upon his release, not feeling the need to hide or feel in the slightest bit bad for what he has done and may well be offered his old job back, though fans at his club have mixed feelings. Meanwhile his girlfriend, Natasha Massey, who was in a relationship with him at the time when he was having sex with a stranger, has stood by him like the typical WAG, maybe fearing she has no future if she doesn´t marry a famous or rich person. This pathetic excuse for a female also shows not a hint of embarrassment for her predicament. This case has put back rape reporting years, of this I have no doubt, and I am sorry for any person, male or female, who finds themselves the victim of this heinous crime. Sex without consent is rape. Whether by a stranger in a park, a man taking advantage of a drunken person or whether in the bedroom of a married couple it is rape. If one person doesn´t want sexual contact then being forced to participate is rape. There are organisations here in Spain to help if you have been a victim of rape and the police here take the allegation very seriously, so never feel nervous to report an attack if the worst should happen. Do speak to someone and the Samaritans in Spain operate a 24 hour telephone help line, email service and drop in centre where people experiencing distress and emotional trauma can get support. The telephone Number is 902 88 35 35:- be assured that this is a National number not Premium rate. The email helpline address is pat@samaritansinspain.com, whilst their Drop In Centre is behind their charity shop in Punta Marina, Torrevieja.

Friday, October 24, 2014

BARROSO’S OWN GOAL There’s nothing worse than some kind of Eurocrat popping up and telling the Brits what to do, and so the words of the outgoing European Commission President, Jose Manuel Barroso, must have grated BBC viewers last Sunday morning. He essentially said that the UK would have zero influence on the world if it pulled out of the European Union, which seemed like a non-veiled threat over the consequences of a “no” vote in a future referendum. He poured cold water over David Cameron’s attempts to reduce EU immigrants coming over Britain and just seemed so out of touch with many people’s views, and not just in the UK! Didn’t Barroso realise that his comments would actually fuel up anti-EU feelings rather than shore up the base of the pro-Europeans? I’m pro-EU, despite the many flaws, and agree fully with David Cameron that

t h e r e must be some fundamental reforms. Whatever the strong feelings there may be in favour of UKIP, who must have loved the Barroso interview, it cannot be forgotten that o n l y Cameron and the Tories will deliver a referendum on the EU. It’s a card that will be played many times over the next six months before the election. Have you noticed leafing through the pages of The

Courier over the last couple of months, the sheer of volume of “positive” announcements coming from local and regional politicians? We only print a selection of the

more interesting, but suddenly drains and sewers are being repaired here; new school buildings are going to pop up over there; and road improvements that have

b e e n wanted for a l o n g time, are going to happen. Surely this is nothing to do with next year’s regional votes in Murcia a n d Valencia, as well as the l o c a l council e l e c tions? P u l l another one and see how it rings, because for those of you who have lived here for quite some time, I’m sure you’ve heard and seen it all before! It doesn’t matter

in which country you live in, the good old fashioned preelection bribes are always predictable, yet I presume that politicians would not do them if people did not fall for them! Meanwhile, back in England, Labour has pledged that nobody will have to wait more than a week for cancer tests and results under a future Labour government. Quite right too, but the small print says that the pledge would be introduced by 2020 and that the cost (around £750 million) would come from a new levy on tobacco firms (Bet they wriggle out of it). They are also promising a one-week target for all urgent diagnostics, not just cancer, by 2025, which being over a decade away seems like a load of “jam tomorrow” clap-trap. Why then didn’t Labour introduce such laudable measures in the boom times from when they took power in 1997?

WHAT TO DO IF YOU’VE BEEN BURGLED. Statistics in Spain Crime rates in Spain remain among the lowest in the EU according to the latest Interior Ministry crime report. However, since the economic crisis began in 2008, there has been a steep increase in domestic burglaries and theft as a result. In 2012 the number of burglaries in homes rose by 25.4%. The message to expat residents is not to panic. There are some simple precautions to take, as you would back in the UK, such as fitting security grills, installing exterior lights and alarms, being careful about what content is posted on social networks, especially anything to do with trips and holidays away from home. It also helps to take out a quality home insurance policy that will cover your home and its contents should any unfortunate incident occur.

When you discover you’ve been burgled As soon as you discover you’ve been burgled, whether it’s a break-in or theft at your home, first call the police. Don’t touch anything until they arrive. A police report will be needed to process your claim. Then secure your home to avoid further damage, board up any broken windows, make a list of damaged or missing belongings, detail the damage to your home resulting from the burglary, taking photographs of damaged windows or door. At this point, you can call the claims department of your home insurance company. We advise you to have your policy on hand when you call.

Peace-of-mind with Linea Directa We understand that your peace-of-mind is important, especially in your home. Our claims department will take a full statement of the circumstances of the incident. We will check the insurance coverage with you explaining all the procedures. If emergency repairs are required from locksmiths to glaziers, we will help you swiftly handle your claim and get things back to normal as soon as possible. Fortunately, incidents of theft in Spain are relatively small compared to other EU countries, however should you be burgled, your homeowner’s insurance policy will cover the loss or destruction of personal property if it’s stolen from your home.

Hold-up outside the home In many cases, your home insurance policy may cover you for any incidents that occur outside your home. Should you be the victim of a hold-up outside your premises your personal belongings are covered. We will ensure replacement documents are quickly and efficiently dealt with, and if required, arrange the locks on your home to be changed. We hope the information provided in this article is of interest. If you would like to contact Linea Directa please call 902 123 161 More information on Linea Directa online at www.lineadirecta.com

Friday, October 24, 2014

FOOLISH FREUD HAS A POINT

THANKS to two left-leaning probation officers, the antics of Labour leader Ed Miliband, and the Press, Lord Freud has been made to appear as the demon of the century. I´m referring to the welfare minister, who, on the face of it, had some pretty nasty things to say about the disabled. He was at a Tory fringe meeting - supposedly among friends - but he had some enemies within and what he said was leaked. He inferred that some disabled people were "not worth" the minimum wage and should be paid perhaps £2-an-hour. He was forced to grovel an apology because of the remarks. Yet the only thing he did wrong was to fail to choose his words more carefully, and with his age and experience he should have known better. What he actually said was taken completely out of context, as usual by politicians. It was of course then jumped on by the leader of the Labour party, who, if he ever became prime minister would be a total disaster for the UK. He tried to ridicule him in the Commons during Question Time, accusing the Tories of returning to being the "nasty party," and demanding Lord Freud´s resignation. Nasty party? I don´t think the Tories would dare be so with an election looming! Sadly, political parties are all too often nasty parties, doing their worst to distort their opponents´ speeches for their own advantage. A plague of curses on them all. Labour knew exactly what Lord Frued was trying to say - but he should have been more than capable, with the education he has had, of speaking in such a way that it could not be twisted out of context. So

let´s examine it. There are many disabled who simply could not compete in the world of work, and to employ them would cost employers money - which would make the products or services more expensive

porters that they were right. How many good ideas have gone down the pan in such a way I hate to think. And who are the real victims in all this? Sadly, the disabled. ARE crime statistics in Britain worth the paper they

murder of soldier Lee Rigby by Muslim extremists. Goodness knows what future religious hate crime statistics will show, following the trial of the Pakistanis grooming white girls for sex and the IS

in UK jails. A staggering 13 per cent of the prison population are foreign nationals. I totally support a Tory MP, Philip Hollobone, who says that those countries who refuse to have their own prisoners back should have

than their competitors, which would eventually drive them out of business. What Lord Freud was trying, perhaps very unsuccessfully, to say, was that maybe employers should pay them say £2-an-hour, with the remainder made up by the government in benefits. Many disabled would love to work and this plan would bring them into the world of work, enable them feel they were making a real contribution, contribute to society and reduce the money paid in benefits. A win, win. Sadly the idea was scuppered by damnable politicians trying to score a cheap advantage and convince their unthinking sup-

are written on? Well, there´s something really wrong when we hear that rapes in Britain have gone up by 26 per cent in a year. That would make Britain the rape capital of the world and that´s nonsense. Either many rapes in years gone by have simply not been reported or logged by police, or because of the Jimmy Savile factor many more women than ever before are reporting sexual assaults. Either way, the figures are distorted and that doesn´t give anyone any confidence of their accuracy. Another worrying statistic is that religious hate crime has soared 45 per cent - mainly because of the

atrocities in the Middle East? The statistics show that overall crime has gone down 10 per cent. But has it - or are an increasing number of people simply not bothering to report it because it´s a complete waste of time? IF there´s one thing that really gets up my nose, it´s countries which grab as much money as they can get in overseas aid from Britain, and then put two fingers up at us. I´m referring to foreigners who are locked up in British jails and those countries where they have come from, refusing to take them back. This scandal is costing Britain £300million in keeping them

their overseas aid, totalling £1billion withheld. Countries include Romania, Pakistan, Nigeria, Somalia, India and Bangladesh. Poles are top of the table in foreign nationals locked up in British jails, followed by Irish, Jamaicans, Romanians and Pakistanis. The Human Rights Act also comes into play with prisoners claiming that conditions are terrible in foreign jails and their human rights are violated if they are sent back to appalling conditions. Well, isn´t that a shame. If they commit crimes in Britain, then they should be sent packing. No ifs, no buts. Put them on the first plane out and frog march them down

the plane´s steps the other end, never to return, every last one of them. The MP rightly questions why Poland should not accept their criminals back to serve their sentences there rather at the expense of British taxpayers. And while we are about it, why the hell should Britain be paying child allowances for children in Poland when their father happens to be working in the UK? Traditional political parties won´t sort this utter nonsense out but I know a party which will! HERE´S another group I would put on a plane back to where they come from. They are a gang of 40 Romanian beggars sleeping rough in a subway under London´s Park Lane, turning it into a slum, driving customers away from local shops because of urinating in streets and fighting with rival gangs. They display barefaced cheek by saying: "We are EU citizens and have a right to be here. If the council would give us a home we wouldn´t have to be living in the subway." I know a party which would very quickly send these Romanians packing - the same party which warned of problems once Romanians and Bulgarians were allowed into Britain through EU rules. Wasn´t it only a year ago that the other political parties were claiming UKIP was speaking rubbish? Well, UKIP was speaking no more rubbish than Enoch Powell was way back in history. Clearing up the rubbish the "squatters" are causing is costing Westminster Council £500,000 a year.

Friday, October 24, 2014

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 145 Hi, and welcome back to learning Spanish with me. I hope you had fun completing last week´s paragraphs, and you managed to complete one or two if not all. Here are the answers! Take your time to check them and make sure if you made a mistake that you know why. Always read out loud your work to see how it sounds, sometimes an error can be corrected simply by listening. Tomorrow is my best friend´s birthday, we are going to have a big party for her and I think she has lots of presents. My best friend´s name is Maria and she lives in the same town as me. We live in a small town and work in the same clothes shop. My job is interesting and my friend and I have lots of fun together. I am looking forward to her birthday tomorrow, my friend is too although she doesn’t know about the party. It is a big surprise! Mañana es el cumpleaños de mi mejor amiga, vamos a hacer una gran fiesta para ella y creo que tiene muchos regalos. El nombre de mi mejor amiga es María y vive en el mismo pueblo que yo. Vivimos en un pueblo pequeño y trabajamos en la misma tienda de ropa. Mi trabajo es interesante y juntos nos divertimos mucho. Tengo muchas ganas que llegue mañana para su cumpleaños y ella también, aunque no sabe nada sobre la fiesta. ¡Es una gran sorpresa! I want to go to the beach next summer. This year I didn´t go as much as I wanted to because I was very busy. I work a lot and the time goes so quickly. I planned to go to the beach in July but by the time I remembered it was August and I missed my trip, therefore I am definitely going to go

next year. In August I also had to work a lot this year, I don´t complain about my work, I am just happy to have a job, these days it is important to have work as there are many people on unemployment benefit, I am lucky that I am not one of them. Quiero ir a la playa el verano que viene (el próximo verano). Este año no fui tantas veces como quería porque estaba muy ocupado/a. Trabajo mucho y el tiempo pasa muy rápido. Planeé ir a la playa en julio pero de repente me di cuenta que ya estaba en agosto y perdí mi excursión, por eso el año que viene voy a ir definitivamente. En agosto también tenía que trabajar mucho este año, no me quejo sobre mi trabajo, estoy agradecida con tener trabajo, hoy en día es importante tener trabajo ya que hay mucha gente en el paro y tengo suerte que no sea uno de ellos. Yesterday I wanted to go to the cinema to watch a film but instead I had to work. I´m not happy today because I have been looking forward to seeing the film for a long time and I´m disappointed that I couldn’t see it. Unfortunately it was the last day that the film was in the cinema and now I have to wait until it is released on DVD. I am going to go to the shop as soon as I can to buy it, and then I will spend all day watching it again and again. I haven´t had a good day today but tomorrow I am meeting friends for lunch and then we are going to spend time relaxing and talking about our plans. It will be a relaxing day and I am looking forward to it. Ayer quise ir al cine para ver una película pero tenia que trabajar. Hoy no estoy feliz porque he estado deseando ver la película durante mucho tiempo y estoy decepcionado

porque no he podido verla. Desafortunadamente fui el último día que la película estaba en el cine y ahora tengo que esperar hasta que aparezca en DVD. Voy a ir a la tienda lo antes posible para comprarlo, y luego voy a pasar todo el día viendola una y otra vez. No he tenido un buen día hoy pero mañana voy a quedar con unos amigos para un almuerzo y luego nos vamos a relajar y hablar de nuestros planes. Será un día de relax y estoy deseando que llegue. Today the Telehope Company announces the arrival of its new general manager. Robert hopes the new manager is a nice and flexible man. It is better that the new boss understand that Robert arrives late at the office once in a while. Robert wants to create a good first impression, and today he arrives on time. He wishes the new manager will understand that employees need more time for lunch. It is important that he allow his employees to make personal calls from the office. He wishes the new manager to be very patient and not too demanding. However, it is very probable that Robert will receive a big surprise. The individual who now occupies the position of general manager has just arrived at Telehope. She is Mrs. Alegre, she is well known among her friends as ´The Iron Lady´! Hoy la empresa Telehope anuncia la llegada de su nuevo gerente general. Robert espera que el nuevo gerente sea un hombre amable y flexible. Más vale que el nuevo jefe entienda que Robert llega tarde a la oficina de vez en cuando. Robert desea crear una buena primera impresión, y hoy llega a tiempo. Ojalá el nuevo gerente entienda que los empleados necesitan más tiempo para almorzar. Es importante que permita que sus empleados hagan llamadas personales desde la oficina. Ojalá que el nuevo jefe sea muy paciente y no sea muy exigente. Sin embargo, es muy probable que Robert reciba una gran sorpresa. La persona que ahora ocupa el cargo de gerente general acaba de llegar a Telehope. Ella es la Señora Alegre, es muy conocida entre sus amigos como ´La dama de hierro´! Next week I´ll be back with some more Spanish, until then ¡que tengas una buena semana, hasta la próxima!

Friday, October 24, 2014

Your FREE TV Guide & Puzzle Pull Out

answers in next weeks edition

6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

11. 12. 13. 14. 15.

CAN YOU NAME THESE KIDS TV SHOWS?

TRELI ON THE TELLY ROSS HAS LAST LAUGH

with ALEX TRELINSKI If some of the UK tabloids were to be believed last weekend, then the final ever series of The Jonathan Ross Show on ITV started last Saturday, due to falling ratings and Ross being allegedly bored with doing chat shows. Cue Monday, and an announcement of a new deal that takes him through to the end of 2015 next year, and Jonathan having a giggle at the expense of a number of papers that hate him. I’m glad he’s continuing because he returned on good form and a format change where the guests actu-

ally intermingled on the big sofa, in a straight lift from the Graham Norton shows. And that’s still the big problem for Ross: Graham Norton. The amiable Irishman has collared the market for the A-list stars, and if anything, is cramming too much in as witnessed by last Friday’s outing. Norton had Robert Duvall, Robert Downey Jr, and Stephen Fry to fit into 45 minutes, plus some excellent chat and two songs from U2. One hour would have done it better justice, but I suppose there is something in the old line of leaving you wanting more, and though Ross is still very good for ITV, Norton has that edge for the Beeb. Mind you,

Russell Brand is on Jonathan’s show tomorrow night! Good on ITV for deciding to bring back the Palladium revival in the New Year. It just needs some tiny work done on it, and having dumped the rubbish quiz, they just need to get rid of the

blatantly rehearsed bits with the audience members, and feature more of the acts. Otherwise it’s done well against the BBC ratings winner that is Countryfile. Whilst there was an unjustified murmur for Bruce Forsyth to retire from Strictly Come

Dancing, there’ve been no such clamour over the wonderful David Attenborough, who at the age of 88, still delivers the goods and has bags of enthusiasm, as witnessed on the Ross show last Saturday. His latest series Life Story kicked off on BBC1 last night, and with a whole deck of projects lined up, this guy deserves the labels of legend and genius for what he has done for TV viewers around the world. There aren’t that many women that rule in the roost in American TV today, but in the world of drama, Shonda Rhimes is hot property. She created Grey’s Anatomy, which returned for series 11 on Sky Living on Wednesday; the wonderful back-stabbing political romp, Scandal

(also on Sky Living); and now she’s produced a new legal drama called How to Get Away with Murder, which premiered on the UK Universal Channel on Wednesday. It’s quite a coup for Universal to get this show (which runs with the other Rhimes dramas on the same night on ABC in the States) and not surprisingly it’s one of the few new drama hits of the American autumn season. Viola Davis hits the mark as a law-professor giving her students cases to solve and as with the other Shonda Rhimes shows, it’s slick and sassy and with four episodes already screened in the States, it can already be called a hit and gets my recommendation to boot!

Friday, October 24, 2014

FRIDAY

24th OCTOBER

00:35 This Week 01:20 Holiday Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Rip Off Britain - Live 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Close Calls: On Camera 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Would I Lie to You? 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Not Going Out 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:20 Gunpowder 5/11: The Greatest Terror Plot 01:20 Panorama 01:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools: 3, 2, 1 Go! Key Stage 3 06:00 Schools - Counting with Rodd 2 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Call the Council 08:50 Close Calls: On Camera 09:20 A Taste of Britain 10:05 The £100K House: Tricks of the Trade 11:05 Sea City 11:35 The Travel Show 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 A Taste of My Life 14:30 Ready Steady Cook 15:15 The Rockford Files 16:00 Cagney & Lacey 16:50 Who Do You Think You Are? 17:50 Great British Railway Journeys 18:20 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing It Takes Two 20:00 Big Dreams Small Spaces 21:00 The Great British Sewing Bee 22:00 Tom Kerridge's Best Ever Dishes 22:30 Gardeners' World 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:40 The Last Word

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 Family Guy 01:10 Family Guy 01:35 Don't Drop the Baby 02:30 Hotel of Mum and Dad 03:30 Bluestone 42 04:00 Don't Drop the Baby 05:00 Close 20:00 Hotel of Mum and Dad 21:00 Traffic Cops 22:00 Reggie Yates: Extreme South Africa 23:00 Some Girls 23:30 EastEnders

00:30 Jet! When Britain Ruled the Skies 01:30 Top of the Pops: 1979 02:10 TOTP2 02:55 Detectorists 03:25 World War One at Home 03:55 How the Wild West Was Won with Ray Mears 04:55 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Concerto at the BBC Proms 21:00 Rule Britannia! Music, Mischief and Morals in the 18th Century 22:00 The Joy of Abba 23:00 Abba at the BBC

00:20 Pull 00:50 01:50 02:15 02:40 03:25 06:55 07:00 07:25 07:45 08:15 08:45 09:15 10:15 11:15 11:45 12:10 13:15 13:45 14:15 14:50 15:55 17:00 18:05 18:30 19:00 20:00 21:00 21:30 22:00

DON’T MISS

Hot Fuzz ITV2 - 22:00

Simon Pegg and director Edgar Wright - the team behind zombie comedy Shaun of the Dead - return for this gleeful pastiche of American action movies. Pegg stars as an over-achieving London policeman transferred to a crime-free village where all is not as it seems. What begins as a very funny, very British murder mystery eventually mutates into an ironic action spectacular that blows up half of Gloucestershire

01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Secrets from the Sky 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Lewis 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 The Job Lot

Dapper Laughs: On the Tricked Two and a Half Men Two and a Half Men Scorpion Teleshopping ITV2 Nightscreen Ben and Kate Up All Night Emmerdale Emmerdale You've Been Framed! The Cube Winners & Losers Ben and Kate Up All Night Royal Pains Emmerdale Emmerdale You've Been Framed! The Jeremy Kyle Show The Jeremy Kyle Show The Jeremy Kyle Show You've Been Framed! You've Been Framed! Royal Pains You've Been Framed! Two and a Half Men Two and a Half Men Hot Fuzz

00:15 The Sex Clinic 01:20 Supersize vs Superskinny 02:15 One Born Every Minute USA 03:05 Undercover Boss USA 04:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 04:55 Location, Location, Location 05:50 Win It Cook It 06:20 River Cottage Bites 06:35 Countdown 07:20 The King of Queen 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Daily Brunch 12:00 Jamie's Money Saving Meals 12:30 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Fifteen to One 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:35 Unreported World 21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

00:00 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Fairground Attractions 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:20 Divine Designs 05:45 House Doctor 06:10 House Doctor 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Pip Ahoy! 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Little Princess 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Underground Britain 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 At Risk 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 World War II in Colour 21:00 Rome: The World's First Superpower 22:00 Alex Polizzi's Secret Italy 23:00 Body of Proof

00:00 The Vice

00:45 Universal Soldier: Day

01:15 Inspector Morse

of Reckoning

03:05 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 The Upper Hand 07:25 Heartbeat

03:00 River Monsters 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Highway Patrol

08:20 Wild at Heart

07:20 Highway Patrol

09:20 Wycliffe

07:45 Cheers

10:35 Judge Judy

08:10 Cheers

11:00 Judge Judy

08:40 The Professionals

11:20 Judge Judy 11:50 Inspector Morse 14:05 Heartbeat 15:05 Wild at Heart

09:40 Kojak 10:40 Magnum, PI 11:45 The Professionals

16:10 Wycliffe

12:50 Highway Patrol

17:20 Second Thoughts

13:15 Highway Patrol

17:55 Fresh Fields

13:45 Darts: European

18:25 On the Buses

Championship Live

19:00 Heartbeat 20:00 Judge Judy 20:30 Judge Judy

18:00 Magnum, PI 19:00 UEFA Europa League

21:00 Wycliffe

Highlights

22:00 Love Your Garden

20:00 Darts: European

23:00 Blue Murder

Championship Live

Friday, October 24, 2014

SATURDAY

25th OCTOBER

00:20 The Secrets 00:50 EastEnders 02:45 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 James Martin: Home Comforts 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:10 Football Focus 13:50 Saturday Sportsday 14:00 International Rugby League 15:30 Bargain Hunt 16:30 Escape to the Country 17:00 Final Score 18:25 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:45 Pointless Celebrities 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing 21:20 Doctor Who 22:05 Casualty 22:55 The National Lottery Live 23:05 BBC News; Weather 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 Match of the Day

00:00 Comedy Feeds 00:20 Family Guy 00:45 Family Guy 01:05 Family Guy 01:30 Bad Education 02:00 The Revolution Will Be Televised 02:30 Some Girls 03:00 Impractical Jokers 03:30 Impractical Jokers 04:00 Bad Education 04:30 The Revolution Will Be Televised 05:00 Close 20:00 Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide 21:00 Top Gear 22:00 Sherlock 23:30 Live at the Apollo

DON’T MISS

00:00 Weather 00:05 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 00:35 Later - with Jools Holland 01:35 Perfect Creature 02:55 Question Time 03:55 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:30 Live International Rugby League 10:00 The Trials of Life 10:50 The Private Life of Plants 11:40 The Private Life of Plants 12:30 Map Man 13:00 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 13:30 That's Entertainment! 15:35 Silk Stockings 17:30 Flog It! 18:30 The £100K House: Tricks of the Trade 19:30 Gardeners' World 20:00 Restoring England's Heritage 20:30 Swallowed by the Sea Ancient Egypt's Greatest Lost City 21:30 Dad's Army 22:00 QI XL 22:45 Dylan Thomas: A Poet in New York

00:10 Out of Sight 02:20 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Fort Boyard Ultimate Challenge 07:25 Pat & Stan 07:35 Pat & Stan 07:40 Dino Dan: Trek's Adventures 07:50 Dino Dan: Trek's Adventures 08:05 Canimals 08:10 Canimals 08:20 Signed Stories 08:25 Sooty 08:35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series 08:50 Matt Hatter Chronicles 09:15 Horrid Henry 09:30 The Munch Box 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Hungry Sailors 11:25 Murder, She Wrote 12:20 ITV News and Weather 12:29 ITV Meridian Weather 12:30 Storage Hoarders 13:30 Surprise Surprise 14:30 All Star Family Fortunes 15:15 Doc Martin 16:15 Tipping Point 17:20 Jurassic Park III 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:30 New You've Been Framed! 20:00 The Chase 21:00 The X Factor 23:10 The Jonathan Ross Show

00:05 The Feeling Nuts Comedy Night 01:45 Scrotal Recall 02:10 Black Snake Moan 04:05 Very Important People 04:30 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 05:25 Location, Location, Location 06:20 River Cottage Bites 06:35 Hard Knocks 07:30 The Grid 08:00 Ironman 2014 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Weekend Kitchen 11:00 Frasier 11:30 Frasier 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:30 The Big Bang Theory 13:00 The Simpsons 13:30 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 17:40 Come Dine with Me 18:10 Come Dine with Me 18:40 Come Dine with Me 19:10 Come Dine with Me 19:40 Channel 4 News 20:00 Grand Designs 21:00 Walking Through History 22:00 This Means War

00:00 NCIS: Los Angeles 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Fairground Attractions 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:20 Divine Designs 05:45 House Doctor 06:10 House Doctor 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Angelina Ballerina 07:20 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:25 Seaside Antics 07:30 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Chloe's Closet 07:55 Olly the Little White Van 08:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 Paw Patrol 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Wanda and the Alien 09:40 Zack and Quack 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:30 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 11:05 Access 11:10 Ultimate Police Interceptors 12:05 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 13:05 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away 14:10 Mosquito Squadron 15:55 55 Days at Peking 19:00 When Hell Broke Loose 20:30 World War II in Colour 21:25 5 News Weekend 21:30 Live International Boxing

00:00 Agnetha: Abba & After

00:25 Release the Hounds

00:00 The Vice

00:00 Jaws 2

01:00 Disco at the BBC

01:30 Dapper Laughs: On the

01:20 The Human Stain

02:25 I Want That Car

02:00 The Joy of Abba

Pull

03:05 World Kitchen

03:30 Cheers

03:00 Abba at the BBC

01:55 Two and a Half Men

03:30 World Kitchen

04:00 Teleshopping

04:00 Agnetha: Abba & After

02:20 Two and a Half Men

03:55 Movies Now

05:00 Close

02:40 Animal Practice

20:00 Land of the Lost

04:05 ITV3 Nightscreen

03:05 Dapper Laughs: On the

Wolves 21:00 Maps: Power, Plunder and Possession 22:00 The Code 22:55 The Code 23:50 Elvis: That's All Right 60 Years On

The X Factor ITV - 21:00

17/24. Last week, the contestants performed the best of the 1980s, but things ended on a bad note for both Stephanie Nala and Chloe Jasmine, who crashed out of the competition in a double elimination. Now, the remaining acts relive classic big-screen moments as they take on songs from the movies, battling to win votes from millions of viewers at home. Dermot O'Leary provides much-needed support on stage, while Simon Cowell, Cheryl Fernandez-Versini, Mel B and Louis Walsh take their seats behind the judges' desk to cheer on their own acts. As the competition hots up and the numbers fall, there are certain to be a few dramas and disagreements on the panel.

Pull 03:30 Teleshopping

04:40 Emmerdale 07:00 Movies Now

07:00 Cheers 07:30 Cheers 08:00 Cheers 08:25 Cheers 09:00 Motorsport UK

07:10 Inspector Morse

10:00 Bundesliga Football

09:10 The Royal

Highlights

10:15 The Royal

11:05 UEFA Champions

11:15 The Darling Buds of

League Weekly

May

11:40 Cycling

12:25 The Darling Buds of

12:10 British Superbike

May

Championship Highlights

13:55 Junior 16:05 Arthur and the Great

13:40 Columbo: Etude in

Adventure

Black

18:15 You've Been Framed!

15:40 A Touch of Frost

18:45 Miss Congeniality

17:45 Wycliffe

19:00 Storage Wars

21:00 Back to the Future Part

18:55 Inspector Morse

19:30 Storage Wars

21:00 Rosemary & Thyme

20:00 Darts: European

23:10 The Xtra Factor

22:00 Midsomer Murders

Championship Live

07:00 The Hot Desk 07:10 You've Been Framed! 07:35 Emmerdale 10:25 Coronation Street 12:55 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here Now!

13:45 Darts: European Championship Live 18:00 Highway Patrol 18:30 Highway Patrol

Friday, October 24, 2014

SUNDAY

26th OCTOBER

00:25 TOTP2

01:05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

23:30 Match of the Day 2

01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 01:25 Kicks USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 02:45 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Fort Boyard Ultimate 07:00 Great British Garden Challenge 07:25 Pat & Stan Revival 07:35 Pat & Stan 08:00 Countryfile 07:40 Dino Dan: Trek's Adventures 09:00 Gardeners' World 07:50 Dino Dan: Trek's 09:30 The Beechgrove Garden Adventures 08:05 Canimals 10:00 The Football League 08:10 Canimals 08:20 Signed Stories Show 08:25 Sooty 11:20 Saturday Kitchen Best 08:35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series Bites 08:50 Ultimate Spider-Man 09:15 Horrid Henry 12:50 James Martin: Home 09:30 Big Time Rush Comforts 10:00 The Aquabats! Super Show! 13:20 Exploring China: A 10:25 Dickinson's Real Deal Culinary Adventure 11:15 Murder, She Wrote 12:15 ITV News and Weather 14:20 War and Peace 12:24 ITV Meridian Weather 17:40 Escape to the Continent 12:25 Carry On Cleo 14:05 All Star Family Fortunes 18:10 Flog It! 14:50 The Unforgettable 19:00 Inside the Animal Mind 15:20 The X Factor 17:30 Downton Abbey 20:00 Human Universe 18:35 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars 21:00 Wonders of the 19:30 ITV Meridian Weather 19:30 ITV News Meridian Monsoon 19:45 ITV News and Weather 22:00 Afghanistan: The Lion's 20:00 Keep It in the Family 21:00 The X Factor Last Roar? 22:00 Downton Abbey 23:00 Russell Howard's Good 23:05 ITV News and Weather 23:14 ITV Meridian Weather News 23:15 Harry's South Pole Heroes 23:30 The Fall

23:05 Four Lions

00:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Alex Polizzi's Secret Italy 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 Make It Big 06:15 Angels of Jarm 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Angelina Ballerina 07:30 Seaside Antics 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:05 Olly the Little White Van 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 Paw Patrol 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Wanda and the Alien 09:40 Zack and Quack 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:10 Jelly Jamm 10:25 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 11:00 Great South Run 13:00 World's 13:45 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked 15:25 Kangaroo Jack 17:10 The Goonies 19:20 Speed Racer 21:55 5 News Weekend 22:00 Angels & Demons

00:10 Family Guy 00:30 Family Guy 00:50 Family Guy 01:10 Family Guy 01:35 The Revolution Will Be Televised 02:05 Bad Education 02:35 Live at the Apollo 03:05 Impractical Jokers 03:35 Comedy Feeds 04:00 Close 20:00 Great Movie Mistakes 21:00 Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide 21:15 Doctor Who 22:00 Come Fly with Me 22:30 Come Fly with Me 23:00 Family Guy 23:25 Family Guy 23:45 Bad Education

00:30 Land of the Lost Wolves 01:30 Sounds of the Sixties 02:00 Guitar Heroes at the BBC 03:00 Maps: Power, Plunder and Possession 04:00 Close 20:00 Under Milk Wood 21:00 Rome: A History of the Eternal City 22:00 Storyville: 112 Weddings 23:00 Foo Fighters: Sonic Highways

00:25 The X Factor

01:05 Bomb Girls

01:20 River Monsters

02:35 The Xtra Factor

01:55 Wycliffe

02:25 Sports Life Stories

03:25 You've Been Framed!

03:00 ITV3 Nightscreen

03:50 Teleshopping

03:30 Teleshopping

04:00 Teleshopping

05:50 ITV2 Nightscreen

07:00 A Touch of Frost

07:00 World of Sport: Petrol

01:05 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:10 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 08:35 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 Sunday Morning Live 12:00 Sunday Politics 13:15 MOTD2 Extra 14:00 BBC News 14:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 14:15 Bargain Hunt 15:15 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 16:00 Talk to the Animals 17:00 Points of View 17:15 Songs of Praise 17:55 Life Story 18:55 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:20 Countryfile 20:20 Strictly Come Dancing 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Tutankhamun: The Truth Uncovered 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather

DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T MISS

Keep it in the Family ITV - 20:00

1/6. Bradley Walsh hosts a game show in which families go head to head in a series of fun-filled rounds. A line-up of celebrities each holds the clue to a prize, and it's up to the contestants to determine the fate of their chosen box as they decide whether to swap, drop or keep it in the family. Taking part in the first edition are six members of the Emmerdale cast - Mark Charnock (Marlon), Natalie Anderson (Alicia), Dominic Brunt (Paddy), Samantha Giles (Bernice), Chris Bisson (Jai) and Charlotte Bellamy (Laurel).

02:00 20 Million Miles to Earth 03:30 Hollyoaks 05:30 Hard Knocks 06:30 NFL: The American Football Show 07:30 How I Met Your Mother 07:55 How I Met Your Mother 08:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 14:00 American Football Live 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Channel 4 News 18:55 The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader 21:00 Speed with Guy Martin 22:00 Homeland

03:20 Cheers

07:00 Emmerdale 09:40 Coronation Street

08:55 Carry On Loving

11:50 Heartbeat

08:10 Cheers

14:20 The Xtra Factor

08:40 Cheers 09:10 Tommy Cooper

15:00 Rosemary & Thyme

09:40 The Professionals

16:05 The Secret of My

10:40 Magnum, PI

15:20 The Hot Desk

18:40 Back to the Future Part

07:15 Cheers 07:40 Cheers

12:55 Inspector Morse

16:05 Jurassic Park

Heads

10:50 Heartbeat

12:05 The X Factor

15:30 You've Been Framed!

03:45 ITV4 Nightscreen

Success

11:40 Kojak 12:45 Ax Men

18:20 Columbo: Lovely but Lethal

13:45 Darts: European Championship Live 18:00 World of Sport: TV

III

19:55 Lewis

21:00 Scorpion

22:00 It'll Be Alright on the

22:00 The Xtra Factor

Night

19:45 Darts: European

23:00 Tricked

23:00 Parenthood

Championship Live

Firsts 18:10 Tim Vine's Punslinger

Friday, October 24, 2014

MONDAY

27th OCTOBER

00:40 The Apprentice 01:40 Deceived 03:25 Weather for the Week Ahead 03:30 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Rip Off Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Close Calls: On Camera 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 Inside Out 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Baby P: The Untold Story 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

00:30 The Fall 01:30 The Fall 02:30 Countryfile 03:25 Holby City 04:25 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Call the Council 08:50 Close Calls: On Camera 09:20 A Taste of Britain 10:05 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 11:05 Lorraine Pascale: How to Be a Better Cook 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Cash in the Attic 14:30 Ready Steady Cook 15:15 The Rockford Files 16:00 Cagney & Lacey 16:50 Who Do You Think You Are? 17:50 Great British Railway Journeys 18:20 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing It Takes Two 20:00 FA Cup First-Round Draw 20:30 Children's Hospital: The Chaplains 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Only Connect 22:00 Intruders 22:45 Intruders 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:15 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 01:15 The Store 03:30 Motorsport UK 04:20 British Superbike Championship Highlights 05:35 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Countrywise 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Grantchester 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 The Agenda

01:10 American Football Live 04:45 The Grid 05:10 Location, Location, Location 06:05 Win It Cook It 06:35 Countdown 07:20 The King of Queens 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Daily Brunch 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:30 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 Come Dine with Me 14:10 Come Dine with Me 14:40 Come Dine with Me 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Fifteen to One 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Dispatches 21:30 Sarah Beeny's How to Sell Your Home 22:00 24 Hours in Police Custody 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats 23:50 Sex Toy Stories

00:45 The True Story 01:40 Campus PD 02:05 SuperCasino 04:10 The Gadget Show 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 Make It Big 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy! 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Deadly Adoption 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 The Missing Evidence 22:00 Gotham 23:00 Under the Dome 23:55 Amityville II: the Possession

00:15 The Revolution Will Be Televised 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 American Dad! 01:30 Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 02:30 Bad Education 03:00 The Revolution Will Be Televised 03:30 Come Fly with Me 04:00 Come Fly with Me 04:30 Bad Education 05:00 Close 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Junior Paramedics 22:00 Hotel of Mum and Dad 23:00 Sexy Beasts 23:30 EastEnders

00:00 Foo Fighters: Sonic Highways 01:00 The Joy of Abba 02:00 Abba at the BBC 03:00 Agnetha: Abba & After 04:00 The Joy of Abba 05:00 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great British Railway Journeys 21:00 Jet! When Britain Ruled the Skies 22:00 The Art of Gothic: Britain's Midnight Hour 23:00 The Curse of Frankenstein

00:00 House of Wax 02:15 Dads 02:45 Dads 03:05 Fake Reaction 03:45 Teleshopping 06:45 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 You've Been Framed! 07:45 Emmerdale 08:15 Coronation Street 08:45 Coronation Street 09:15 The Cube 10:15 Winners & Losers 11:15 Ben and Kate 11:45 Up All Night 12:10 Royal Pains 13:15 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:15 Coronation Street 14:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 15:55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 17:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:05 You've Been Framed! 18:30 You've Been Framed! 19:00 Royal Pains 20:00 You've Been Framed! 21:00 Two and a Half Men 21:30 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Release the Hounds 23:00 Plebs 23:30 Dapper Laughs: On the Pull

01:30 William and Mary 02:30 William and Mary 03:20 Judge Judy 03:40 Judge Judy 04:05 ITV3 Nightscreen 04:40 Emmerdale 07:00 The Upper Hand 07:25 Heartbeat 08:25 Wild at Heart 09:25 Wycliffe 10:35 Judge Judy 11:00 Judge Judy 11:30 Judge Judy 11:55 Inspector Morse 14:05 Heartbeat 15:10 Wild at Heart 16:10 Wycliffe 17:20 Second Thoughts 17:55 Fresh Fields 18:25 On the Buses 19:00 Heartbeat 20:00 Judge Judy 20:30 Judge Judy 21:00 Wycliffe 22:00 The Crime Thriller Awards 2014 23:35 A Touch of Frost

00:00 The Power of Darts 01:05 Quadrophenia 03:30 Cheers 03:55 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Greatest World Cup Matches 07:15 Highway Patrol 07:40 Highway Patrol 08:00 Cheers 08:25 Cheers 08:50 The Professionals 09:55 Kojak 10:55 Magnum, PI 11:55 Border Security USA 12:55 Minder 13:55 The Professionals 14:55 Highway Patrol 15:25 Highway Patrol 15:55 Cheers 16:25 Cheers 16:55 Kojak 18:00 Magnum, PI 19:00 Minder 20:00 Pawn Stars 20:30 Pawn Stars 21:00 MotoGP Highlights 22:00 Storage Wars 22:30 Storage Wars 23:00 Ax Men

DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T MISS

Baby P: The Untold Story BBC1 - 21:30

Film-maker Henry Singer's documentary detailing the timeline of events leading to the death of 17-month-old Peter Connelly at the hands of his mother, her boyfriend and her boyfriend's brother in August 2007, and considering its aftermath. The programme examines how some powerful institutions evaded the spotlight, while public attention was focused on the involvement of social workers in the infant's home area of Haringey, north London. Among the interviewees featured in the film are social workers Gillie Christou and Maria Ward, then-Children's Secretary Ed Balls MP and the husband of the last medical practitioner to see Peter before he died.

Friday, October 24, 2014

TUESDAY

28th OCTOBER

00:20 Our World War 01:20 The Graham Norton Show 02:05 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:10 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Rip Off Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Close Calls: On Camera 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 The Missing 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Imagine

00:20 Trust Me, I'm a Doctor 01:20 The Apprentice 02:20 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Call the Council 08:50 Close Calls: On Camera 09:20 A Taste of Britain 10:05 Antiques Roadshow 11:05 Building Dream Homes 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Cash in the Attic 14:30 Ready Steady Cook 15:15 The Rockford Files 16:00 Cagney & Lacey 16:50 Who Do You Think You Are? 17:50 Great British Railway Journeys 18:20 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing It Takes Two 20:00 The Great Interior Design Challenge 21:00 Autumnwatch 2014 22:00 Human Universe 23:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:20 The Jonathan Ross Show 01:20 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Wilderness Walks with Ray Mears 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 The Cube

00:50 NFL: The American Football Show 01:50 Undercover Boss USA 02:40 Ek Cup Chya 04:50 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 05:45 Location, Location, Location 06:35 Countdown 07:20 The King of Queens 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Daily Brunch 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:30 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 Come Dine with Me 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Fifteen to One 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 22:00 You Can't Get the Staff 23:00 Gogglebox

01:50 Campus PD 02:15 SuperCasino 04:10 Fairground Attractions 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Great Artists 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy! 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Rome: The World's First Superpower 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 The Good Witch's Gift 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Meerkat Manor 20:30 5 News Update 20:30 The Secret Life of Pets 21:00 Criminals: Caught on Camera 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 NCIS 23:55 NCIS

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 American Dad! 01:30 Hotel of Mum and Dad 02:30 Don't Drop the Baby 03:30 Sexy Beasts 04:00 Hotel of Mum and Dad 05:00 Close 20:00 Don't Tell the Bride 21:00 Barely Legal Drivers 22:00 Snow, Sex and Suspicious Parents 23:00 Life Is Toff 23:30 The Revolution Will Be Televised

00:20 Dan Cruickshank and the Family That Built Gothic Britain 01:20 Detectorists 01:50 Ancient Apocalypse 02:40 The Viking Sagas 03:40 The Art of Gothic: Britain's Midnight Hour 04:40 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great British Railway Journeys 21:00 Great British Railway Journeys 21:30 World War One at Home 22:00 Architects of the Divine: The First Gothic Age 23:00 The Life and Loves of a She Devil 23:55 Supernatural

00:00 Viral Tap 00:45 The Job Lot 01:20 Two and a Half Men 01:45 Two and a Half Men 02:15 Two and a Half Men 02:35 Release the Hounds 03:25 Teleshopping 06:55 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 You've Been Framed! 07:45 Emmerdale 08:15 Coronation Street 08:45 Coronation Street 09:15 The Cube 10:15 Winners & Losers 11:15 Up All Night 11:45 Up All Night 12:10 Royal Pains 13:15 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:15 Coronation Street 14:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 15:55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 17:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:05 You've Been Framed! 18:30 You've Been Framed! 19:00 Royal Pains 20:00 You've Been Framed! 21:00 Two and a Half Men 21:30 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Tricked 23:00 Celebrity Juice 23:50 Hot Fuzz

01:10 The Vice 02:10 Wycliffe 03:05 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 The Upper Hand 07:25 Heartbeat 08:20 Wild at Heart 09:25 Wycliffe 10:35 Judge Judy 11:00 Judge Judy 11:30 Judge Judy 11:55 Inspector Morse 14:05 Heartbeat 15:05 Wild at Heart 16:10 Wycliffe 17:20 Second Thoughts 17:55 Fresh Fields 18:25 On the Buses 19:00 Heartbeat 20:00 Judge Judy 20:30 Judge Judy 21:00 The Best of the Royal Variety 22:00 The Best of the Royal Variety 23:00 A Touch of Frost

00:00 Bundesliga Football Highlights 01:00 Motorsport UK 02:00 The Professionals 03:00 Jean-Claude Van Damme: Behind Closed Doors 03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 UEFA Champions League Greatest Finals 07:20 Highway Patrol 07:40 Highway Patrol 08:00 Cheers 08:30 Cheers 08:50 The Professionals 09:55 Kojak 10:55 Magnum, PI 12:00 Pawn Stars 12:25 Pawn Stars 12:55 Minder 13:55 The Professionals 15:00 Highway Patrol 15:30 Highway Patrol 16:00 Pawn Stars 16:25 Pawn Stars 16:55 Kojak 18:00 Magnum, PI 19:00 Minder 20:00 Pawn Stars 20:30 Pawn Stars 21:00 World Rally Championship Highlights 22:00 Benidorm 23:10 Air America

DON’T MISS

You Can’t Get the Staff Channel 4 - 22:00

Major General Arthur Sandbach inherited Bryngwyn Hall in Powys after his brother met a grisly end lion-hunting in Somaliland, but today it falls under the command of Auriol Linlithgow. When she took on the property in 1986, it had fallen into disrepair, and since then she and her staff have toiled to bring it back to a civilised state. The owner is now under pressure to choose a new recruit to fit in with her very particular team. Detmar Blow has been the custodian of Hilles House for 27 years.

Friday, October 17, 2014

WEDNESDAY

29th OCTOBER

00:55 The Mothman Prophecies 02:45 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Rip Off Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Close Calls: On Camera 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:20 Wonders of the Monsoon 01:20 Operation Stonehenge: What Lies Beneath 02:20 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Call the Council 08:45 Close Calls: On Camera 09:15 A Taste of Britain 10:00 Horizon 11:00 Building Dream Homes 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 Cash in the Attic 14:30 Ready Steady Cook 15:15 The Rockford Files 16:00 Cagney & Lacey 16:50 Who Do You Think You Are? 17:50 Great British Railway Journeys 18:20 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing It Takes Two 20:00 The Great Interior Design Challenge 21:00 Autumnwatch 2014 22:00 Trust Me, I'm a Doctor 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 American Dad! 01:30 Life Is Toff 02:00 The Revolution Will Be Televised 02:30 EastEnders 03:00 Snow, Sex and Suspicious Parents 04:00 Barely Legal Drivers 05:00 Close 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Hotel of Mum and Dad 22:00 People Like Us 23:00 Sweat the Small Stuff 23:30 Russell Howard's Good News

00:45 Land of the Lost Wolves 01:45 Easter Island: Mysteries of a Lost World 03:15 World War One at Home 03:45 Architects of the Divine: The First Gothic Age 04:45 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great British Railway Journeys 21:00 What Do Artists Do All Day? 21:30 The Wonder of Animals 22:00 Spider House 23:30 The Swarm

DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T MISS

Scott & Bailey ITV - 22:00

8/8. The discovery of slaves on the Pritchard farm has turned a murder inquiry into a multi-agency operation. The enormity of the case brings Dodson to Syndicate 9, keen to establish Gill's state of mind and efficacy as senior officer. Having been the driver involved in the fatal collision with Cal Pritchard, Janet is under investigation and unable to interview the man's widow Evie. Devastated by the consequences of her actions, the detective eventually finds solace in Chris's calm and kind reasoning, but when an incandescent Evie smells alcohol on Gill's breath, she has all the ammunition she needs to discredit the case and bring the DCI down. Last in the series.

00:40 Gems TV 01:35 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:50 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Surprise Surprise 22:00 Scott & Bailey 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 On Assignment

02:10 Two and a Half Men 02:35 Two and a Half Men 03:00 Two and a Half Men 03:20 Teleshopping 06:50 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 You've Been Framed! 07:45 Emmerdale 08:15 You've Been Framed! 08:45 You've Been Framed! 09:15 The Cube 10:15 Winners & Losers 11:15 Up All Night 11:45 Up All Night 12:10 Royal Pains 13:15 Emmerdale 13:45 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here Now! 14:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 15:55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 17:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:05 You've Been Framed! 18:30 You've Been Framed! 19:00 Royal Pains 20:00 You've Been Framed! 21:00 Two and a Half Men 21:30 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Freshers 23:00 The Job Lot 23:30 Plebs

00:05 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA 01:00 Poker 01:55 Trans World Sport 02:50 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:20 Triathlon 04:15 The Grid 04:45 Ironman 2014 05:40 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 06:35 Countdown 07:20 The King of Queens 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Daily Brunch 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:30 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Fifteen to One 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Supervet 22:00 Grand Designs 23:00 Mercury Prize Live Winner Announcement 23:05 Grayson Perry: Who Are You?

00:50 Secrets & Lies 01:45 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:10 SuperCasino 04:10 Fairground Attractions 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Great Artists 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy! 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Alex Polizzi's Secret Italy 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Meltdown: Days of Destruction 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 22:00 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away 23:00 Wentworth Prison

00:40 The Vice

01:25 The Howling 03:20 Cheers 03:45 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Greatest FA Cup Finals 07:10 Highway Patrol 07:35 Highway Patrol 08:00 Cheers 08:25 Cheers 08:50 The Professionals 09:55 Kojak 10:55 Magnum, PI 12:00 Pawn Stars 12:25 Pawn Stars 12:55 Minder 13:55 The Professionals 15:00 Cheers 15:30 Cheers 16:00 Pawn Stars 16:25 Pawn Stars 16:55 Kojak 18:00 Magnum, PI 19:00 Minder 20:00 Pawn Stars 20:30 Pawn Stars 21:00 River Monsters 22:00 River Monsters: Untold Stories 23:10 A Dangerous Man

01:50 Inspector Morse 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 The Upper Hand 07:25 Heartbeat 08:20 Wild at Heart 09:25 Wycliffe 10:35 Judge Judy 11:00 Judge Judy 11:30 Judge Judy 11:55 Inspector Morse 14:00 Heartbeat 15:00 Wild at Heart 16:05 Wycliffe 17:20 Second Thoughts 17:50 Fresh Fields 18:25 On the Buses 19:00 Heartbeat 20:00 Judge Judy 20:30 Judge Judy 21:00 Wycliffe 22:00 Long Lost Family 23:00 Wycliffe

Friday, October 24, 2014

THURSDAY

30th OCTOBER

00:05 The League Cup Show 01:05 Scary Movie 4 02:20 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Rip Off Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Call the Council 12:45 Close Calls: On Camera 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 Life Story 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time

00:20 Intruders 01:05 Intruders 01:50 See Hear 02:20 The Kitchen 03:20 Doctor Who 04:05 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Call the Council 08:50 Close Calls: On Camera 09:20 A Taste of Britain 10:05 Long Shadow 11:05 Gardeners' World 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Cash in the Attic 14:30 Ready Steady Cook 15:15 The Rockford Files 16:00 Cagney & Lacey 16:50 Who Do You Think You Are? 17:50 Great British Railway Journeys 18:20 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing It Takes Two 20:00 The Great Interior Design Challenge 21:00 Autumnwatch 2014 22:00 Peaky Blinders 23:00 Russell Howard's Good News 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:15 Through the Keyhole 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Paul O'Grady: For the Love of Dogs 22:00 The Great Fire 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 My Grandfather Dylan

00:05 24 Hours in Police Custody 01:05 Educating the East End 02:00 Vihir 04:05 Crooks Anonymous 05:40 Location, Location, Location 06:35 Countdown 07:20 The King of Queens 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Daily Brunch 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:30 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 Come Dine with Me 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Fifteen to One 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 George Clarke's Amazing Spaces 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 Scrotal Recall 23:30 8 Out of 10 Cats

00:00 Inside Holloway 01:00 Dallas 01:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:15 SuperCasino 04:10 Underground Britain 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Great Artists 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy! 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Missing Evidence 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Sacrifices of the Heart 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Underground Britain 22:00 Black Market Britain: Undercover Sting 23:00 Inside Holloway

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 American Dad! 01:30 Sweat the Small Stuff 02:00 People Like Us 03:00 Russell Howard's Good News 03:30 The Revolution Will Be Televised 04:00 People Like Us 05:00 Close 20:00 Snog, Marry, Avoid? 20:30 Snog, Marry, Avoid? 21:00 Gavin & Stacey 21:30 Gavin & Stacey 22:00 Make Me a Muslim 23:00 Drive

02:00 California Comes to

00:00 Release the Hounds 01:00 Two and a Half Men 01:30 Two and a Half Men 01:55 Two and a Half Men 02:20 Two and a Half Men 02:40 Dads 03:05 Life's Funniest Moments 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 You've Been Framed! 07:45 Emmerdale 08:15 Coronation Street 08:45 You've Been Framed! 09:15 The Cube 10:15 Winners & Losers 11:15 Up All Night 11:45 Up All Night 12:10 Royal Pains 13:15 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:15 You've Been Framed! 14:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 15:55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 17:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:05 You've Been Framed! 18:30 Royal Pains 19:25 The Lost World: Jurassic Park 22:00 Scorpion 23:00 Celebrity Juice 23:50 Plebs

00:10 The Vice 01:20 The Crime Thriller Awards 2014 02:45 Judge Judy 03:05 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 The Upper Hand 07:25 Heartbeat 08:20 Wild at Heart 09:25 Wycliffe 10:35 Judge Judy 11:00 Judge Judy 11:30 Judge Judy 11:55 Inspector Morse 14:05 Heartbeat 15:05 Wild at Heart 16:05 Wycliffe 17:20 Second Thoughts 17:55 Fresh Fields 18:25 On the Buses 19:00 Heartbeat 20:00 Judge Judy 20:30 Judge Judy 21:00 Wycliffe 22:00 Joanna Lumley's Greek Odyssey 23:00 Blue Murder

01:00 02:00 03:05 04:00 07:00 07:10 07:35 08:00 08:50 09:55 10:55 12:00 12:25 12:55 13:55 15:00 15:30 16:00 16:25 16:55 18:00 19:00 20:00 20:30 21:00 23:20

DON’T MISS

the Whistle Test 03:00 What Do Artists Do All Day? 03:30 Spider House 05:00 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Top of the Pops: 1979 21:00 Horizon 22:00 Operation Jericho 23:00 Detectorists 23:30 The Art of Gothic: Britain's Midnight Hour

The Great Interior Design Challenge BBC2 - 20:00

3/16. The contest heads to Lavenham in Suffolk for the third heat, where presenter Tom Dyckhoff tasks mother-of-two Leila, tea shop owner Kate and furniture restorer Scott with transforming crooked bedrooms in three grand medieval homes. Each of the amateur enthusiasts is given three days, £1,000 and a small team of assistants to give the 600-year-old rooms 21st-century makeovers, while also meeting the requirements of the homeowners and the approval of expert judges Sophie Robinson and Daniel Hopwood.

Border Security USA The Professionals Minder Teleshopping Movies Now Cheers Cheers Minder The Professionals Kojak Magnum, PI Pawn Stars Pawn Stars Minder The Professionals Cheers Cheers Pawn Stars Pawn Stars Kojak Magnum, PI Minder Pawn Stars Pawn Stars Driven Death Race

Friday, October 24, 2014

CODE CRACKER

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD

Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week's puzzle, 17 represents T and 2 represents Z, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

QUICKIE

In this week’s Quickie crossword, all the answers are ANAGRAMS of the clue words: Across 1 Snips (5) 3 Scots (5) 6 Low (3) 8 A cretin (7) 9 Nest (4) 10 Seldom (6) 12 Stream (6) 13 Hits (4) 16 Eastern (7) 17 Nap (3) 18 Tide (4) 19 Means (5)

Down 1 Hosts (5) 2 Cask (4) 3 Contra (6) 4 Cheap sips (9) 5 Signs (5) 7 Ascend Alp (9) 11 Evens (5) 12 Denim (5) 14 Skins (5) 15 Nuts (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 2 Ferrous, 7 Slain, 8 Erect, 9 Tun, 11 Dust, 14 Tsar, 16 Aside, 17 Mean, 19 Ages, 22 Lea, 24 Rogue, 25 Chore, 26 Letters. Down: 1 Based, 2 Fears, 3 Runt, 4 Open, 5 Steps, 6 Alter, 10 Unite, 12 Use, 13 Tan, 14 Tea, 15 Ape, 17 March, 18 Angel, 20 Gloss, 21 Scent, 22 Left, 23 Ache.

Scribble Pad

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 7 Lady collecting silver, what’s amount spent? (6) 8 Sailor next to fathom mark (6) 9 Clues found in a Mickey Spillane novel (4) 10 Insects are, perhaps, emitters (8) 11 Desert ship and take in a gunner, that’s sweet (7) 13 Crashed plane in Asian country (5) 15 Taxi in a small house (5) 17 Copy section about low wall (7) 20 Sophisticated young lady’s ecstatic (8) 21 Bird often seen in the afternoon (4) 23 Pollute seabed badly (6) 24 Roving ranter is wrong (6)

Down 1 Repaired leak with a vegetable (4) 2 Suffering queasiness in Barcelona, use a toilet (6) 3 Savage to warm bird (7) 4 The way to the rescue boat is pretty desolate (5) 5 Injury caused initially by running unaccompanied in sandy environments (6) 6 About five, porter has time for a drink (8) 12 Roused when a vigil comes to a sorry end (8) 14 Horseshoe expert is rarer if crazy (7) 16 Is there nothing at the counter to equalise pressure? (6) 18 The players are in contract or similar negotiations (6) 19 Trainee soldier from America detained (5) 22 Stinking row (4)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Type of cabbage (4) 2 Queasiness (6) 3 Pagan (7) 4 Bleak (5) 5 Contusion (6) 6 Drink (8) 12 Roused (8) 14 Horseshoer (7) 16 Meteorological term (6) 18 Performers (6) 19 Trainee (5) 22 Grade (4)

Across 7 Harm (6) 8 Objective (6) 9 Solutions (4) 10 White ants (8) 11 Firm chewy sweet (7) 13 Asian country (5) 15 Hut (5) 17 Ramparts (7) 20 Elegant (8) 21 Type of gull (4) 23 Humiliate (6) 24 Wayward (6)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Bushel, 4 Sabot, 8 Aspic, 9 Ruffian, 10 Cremate, 11 Heel, 12 Nod, 14 Gong, 15 Iron, 18 Emu, 21 Oslo, 23 Scooter, 25 Centaur, 26 Aloft, 27 Shred, 28 Critic. Down: 1 Branch, 2 Supremo, 3 Exchange, 4 Sofa, 5 Boise, 6 Tingle, 7 Green, 13 Dinosaur, 16 Outpost, 17 Voices, 19 Usurp, 20 Arctic, 22 Loner, 24 Bald

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words An In It Ma Me Of Up Us 3 letter words Aim Are Fee Gum Hoe Ion Leg Rap

Roe Tar Tea Ten 4 letter words Afar Airs Arts Boot Bore Lead Less Mane Mild Name Opal Ours Pros

Rang Safe Same Sane Shun Tiny Tuna 5 letter words Emote Gloop Tenet Tuner 7 letter words Lineage Manteau Onetime Teatime

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Rockets (fireworks) (7) 5 Asientos (muebles) (5) 8 Announcer (radio, television) (7) 9 Oats (5) 10 Sour (f) (5) 11 Our (7) 12 Manzanas (6) 14 Jugs (6) 17 Card (greetings card, visiting card etc) (7) 19 Python (5) 22 Cows (5) 23 Camiones (7) 24 April (5) 25 Calles (7)

Down 1 Fault (blame) (5) 2 To make (fire, bed, tea, will, remark, plan, suggestion) (5) 3 Tattoo (7) 4 Fuerte (6) 5 Forma (figura) (5) 6 To accept (7) 7 Estaciones (partes del año) (7) 12 Dual carriageway (7) 13 To seem (7) 15 To suck in (air or dust) (7) 16 Cockerels (6) 18 Caballete (arte) (5) 20 Dos veces (5) 21 Narices (5)

Friday, October 24, 2014 Across 1 Which small marine fish of the herring family, is widely caught for food and fish products? (5) 4 What was the surname of the female star of the Hope/Crosby ‘Road’ films? (6) 9 What phrase describes a look that is superstitiously believed to have the power of inflicting harm? (4,3) 10 What is an affectionate name for Father Christmas? (5) 11 Which wild cat with yellowishbrown fur has a short tail, and tufted ears? (4) 12 What was the surname of writers Nancy and Jessica and their sisters Unity and Diana? (7) 13 What is the international code signal of extreme distress? (3) 14 Which word of French origin means elegant and stylish? (4) 16 Which rod or spindle passes through the centre of a wheel or group of wheels? (4) 18 What title is given to a university teacher, especially a senior member of a college at Oxford or Cambridge? (3) 20 Which writer created the character Winnie the Pooh for his son Christopher Robin? (1,1,5) 21 Which coin is equal to 100th of a dollar? (4) 24 Which city in Belgium is the capital of the province of East Flanders? (5) 25 What is the name of the small egg-shaped ceramic or metal wind instrument with holes for the fingers? (7)

26 In the Roman Catholic Church, what is the name of the important and traditional devotion consisting of a set of

prayer beads and a system of set prayers? (6) 27 What was the first name of the son of the motor manufacturer Henry Ford? (5) Down 1 What was the forename of Ms Gibbons, the author of

Cold Comfort Farm? (6) 2 What name is given to the period during which a monarch is sovereign? (5) 3 What was the name of the rock band formed in Belfast in April 1964, most prominently known for the hit singles Baby Please Don’t Go and Here Comes the Night and also for launching singer Van Morrison’s musical career? (4) 5 What is an alternative name for the German shepherd dog? (8) 6 What phrase is used to describe an act that unintentionally harms one’s own interests? (3,4) 7 Which African country’s capital is Kigali? (6) 8 What name is given to the long, sturdy pieces of squared timber or metal spanning an opening or part of a building? (5) 13 What name is given to an artist who creates sculptures? (8) 15 What is the nickname of West Ham F C? (7) 17 Which heavily built omnivorous nocturnal mammal of the weasel family, typically has a grey and black coat? (6) 18 What was the surname of the writer best remembered for his novel about Robinson Crusoe? (5) 19 Which Christian missionary was also known as Saul of Tarsus or the Apostle of the Gentiles? (2,4) 22 What title is usually given to the rulers of Kuwait? (5) 23 What was the nickname of baseball star George Herman Ruth? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

SUDOKU

Adjetivos - adjectives to describe men

These adjectives are all masculine. To use them to describe something feminine you will need to change the “o” ending to an “a”. The ones which end in e don’t change. Match the Spanish and English words and then decide which ones you would use to describe your friends, family and neighbours.

1. Grevy's and Burchell's are types of what animal? 2. What is the common name of rubella? 3. Quinsy is the inflammation of which body organ due to abscess? 4. If you were studying Iatrology what would you be studying? 5. A nilometer measures the rise and fall of what? 6. What other name is used for the snow leopard? 7. What dinosaur's name translates as 'roof lizard'? 8. A JPEG is a picture file format. What does JPEG stand for? 9. What was the world's first passenger jet aircraft? 10. What element is present in all organic compounds? 1. Zebra 2. German Measles 3. Tonsils 4. Science of Medicine 5. Rivers (originally Nile) 6. Ounce 7. Stegosaurus 8. Joint Photographic Experts Group 9. Comet 10. Carbon ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 1 Pasta, 4 Okapis, 9 Wailers, 10 Manor, 11 EFTA, 12 Epicure, 13 Par, 14 Edna, 16 Dr No, 18 Cue, 20 Charlie, 21 Abba, 24 Troll, 25 Adamski, 26 Conker, 27 Ellis. Down: 1 Pewter, 2 Swift, 3 Aden, 5 Kim Wilde, 6 Penguin, 7 Surrey, 8 Aster, 13 Paul Klee, 15 Dragoon, 17 Acetic, 18 Cedar, 19 Radius, 22 Basil, 23 Yale.

ABURRIDO

GRANDE

ALTO

GUAPO

AMABLE

HOLGAZAN

ANTIPATICO

INTELIGENTE

BAJO

MALO

BUENO

MORENO

DELGADO

PEQUENO

DIVERTIDO

POBRE

ESTUPIDO

RICO

FEO

RUBIO

GORDO

TRABAJADOR

Empareja las palabras en español con sus equivalentes en inglés You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz. 1.aburrido

a.tall

10.bajo

j.small

19.grande

s.ugly

2.antipatico

b.blonde

11.divertido

k.bad

20.inteligente

t.fun

3.delgado

c.hardworking

12.gordo

l.intelligent

21.pequeno

u.lazy

4.feo

d.friendly

13.holgazan

m.unfriendly

22.rubio

v.fat

5.guapo

e.good

14.moreno

n.stupid

6.malo

f.boring

15.rico

o.dark

7.pobre

g.good looking

16.amable

p.thin

8.trabajador

h.rich

17.bueno

q.big

9.alto

i.poor

18.estupido

r.short

Soduko

Span - Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1f, 2m, 3p, 4s, 5g, 6k, 7i, 8c, 9a, 10r, 11t, 12v, 13u, 14o, 15h, 16d, 17q, 18n, 19q, 20l, 21j, 22b.

science QUIZ

N GY S GOMGGR R S E E I MOR E N OU GOOF D R T I S RI K X A A DHDNUB NE HDA NP B A ORA UROE O N OA OMJ L OR GA R P GP WS T M A G O G N L B I J I R V L B B A MD N P E X C U L E A MA Z P B A I E D U OGE S Z RA NA OL L V UL B GT T T NOI B URE OE QS F NU A NT I P A T I CORE GI P K I P F Y B A J OA OT P GI ODI RRUB A QV A GI L D X G G U M E T Q Z WT B X D O Z B G B K H G B Q Y N Z WN O

Fill It In

Friday, October 24, 2014

THE MIDDLE EAR Written by Michael Burke RHAD MSHAA of Digital Hearing, Quesada The middle ear is a cave in the skull approximately the size of a sugar cube. It is filled with air and houses the bones called the ossicles and the middle ear muscles. The way to the outside world is blocked by the eardrum, which is stretched over the mouth of this cave. The only way in or out is through the Eustachian tube - a passageway from the base of the middle ear to the back of the throat (about 1.5 inches long). This tube in its normal state is closed and only opens when you chew or yawn. The reasons we have this tube are twofold: firstly, it acts as an air pressure equalisation system to keep the air pressure in the middle ear the same as in the outside world; secondly, as a mucus disposal and oxygen replenishment tunnel for the middle ear. Sound waves hitting the outside of the eardrum are changed into vibrations and sent across the bridge formed by the middle ear bones (hammer, anvil, stirrup) to a smaller eardrum situated on the back wall of the cave, which is the window to the inner ear. This chain of bones â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the smallest in the human body - acts as a step-up transformer and an amplifier of sound. For those of you into hydraulics and mechanics, the bones being bigger at the outer eardrum end than the inner eardrum end creates a mechanical advantage. Also, the outer eardrum being 14 times bigger than the inner eardrum means sounds are made 18 times louder by this middle ear system. (Like the gear wheels on a bicycle, every time you turn the wheel that the pedals are attached to the chain turns a smaller gear wheel that is attached to the much bigger rear bicycle wheel, giving you much more power.) In order for this step-up system to work efficiently, the air pressure in the cave must be the same as the outside world. The only way to achieve this is to open the Eustachian tube connecting the throat to the cave. (This is why if you yawn sometimes you feel your ears pop or if you fly you are advised to chew on a sweet.) This Eustachian tube is very narrow and mucus-lined and can easily block. Sometimes if you have a cold, your mucus thickens and causes a blockage, which means you cannot equalize the air pressure in your middle ear, and the amplifying process does not work as well, resulting in muffled hearing. To make things worse, bacteria that live on the walls of the middle ear eat oxygen (which is not being replenished because the Eustachian tube cannot let in any fresh air), air pressure in the middle ear drops and you end up with a retracted eardrum. Additionaly, as the branch of the facial nerve that carries tastebud messages from the tongue to the brain passes around the top of the eardrum and through the middle ear, sometimes when you get a bad cold you also lose your sense of taste. Finally, on the back wall of the middle ear we have two further smaller eardrums, which are the windows to the fluid-filled inner ear into which sound is passed by the ossicular chain (middle ear bones). If you have any questions about this week's topic, you can e-mail digitalhearing@hotmail.co.uk, contact Michael Burke at Digital Hearing, Quesada Business Centre, Calle los Arcos 7, Ciudad Quesada â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Tel 698 418 642, or visit us on-line at www.digitalhearingspain.com.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 The Sun’s eclipse on Friday could bring your attitude towards a close relationship into sharper focus. Important changes are at hand, so do not sell yourself too short or feel you should give in to pressure. If you are diplomatic, you can reach a new agreement that will give you extra freedom to manoeuvre. Play your hand with care but stand your ground.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Your chart’s zone of close relationships is where the action is this week, so shelve unimportant chores and concentrate on what is happening in your private life. If you are sure of what you really want longterm, you can revolutionise a certain situation. A new chapter is beginning – be prepared to take the road less travelled in the months to come.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 What you need most this week is freedom to pursue a very personal goal, so clear the decks to give yourself more time to follow up on recent leads. You could also find that you have now outgrown a certain situation. You will do no one any favours if you put your own desires and needs in second place, so do not be afraid to push through changes.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 Whether you should follow where your intuition and your deeper feelings are now leading, or stick with the current status quo, could be hard to judge this week. The combined influence of romantic Venus and the Sun’s eclipse on Friday is due to help you find your way ahead, so do not make a rushed decision now. All may not be what it first seems.

Friday, October 24, 2014

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 Domestic changes that you may not have foreseen could now be on the horizon, so be flexible about your long-term plans this week. This is not the time to make a snap decision – put ambitious plans on hold until you get your bearings in the new terrain. You can avoid potential problems if you stay detached and centred in yourself.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 A piece of news or twist of fate could make you see your current situation from a whole new angle. It seems you have more options than you had thought, so do not be afraid to change direction or let others tell you how to live your life. You will make the right decisions if you take each situation as it comes and do not try to look too far ahead.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Your financial situation takes an upward turn this week, when your ruler, Venus, helps you find a new solution to a problem that has held you back. You are at your most creative now, so trust your judgment and your sense of timing. The Sun’s eclipse on Friday also stresses the importance of being ready to change course without much warning.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Important changes in your love life could be triggered by romantic Venus and the Sun’s eclipse in Scorpio on Friday. Let events unfold and do not try to cling on to a situation that has held you back. If you are open-minded about an unexpected offer from someone, you can usher in a whole new era. Listen carefully to a friend’s advice midweek.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 With the decisive action planet, Mars, travelling through Sagittarius, you are ideally placed to push through certain changes that you had postponed. A conversation early in the week could help you make the right decisions, so ask for feedback and support from those who count. What matters now is being true to your real needs and feelings.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Changes in the company you keep are on the horizon, so be flexible about existing ties and open to the possibilities around you. If you take full advantage of an unexpected sequence of events later in the week, you can also reach a more secure position with someone you have felt unsure of. Romance and social life are linked on Friday.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 You can bring about some kind of career breakthrough now if you have more faith in your talents, so do not hedge your bets or let others undermine your confidence this week. The Sun’s eclipse on Friday ushers in a more adventurous and creative phase. It could also help you find a solution to a problem that has preoccupied you.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 What you really want from life is soon due to undergo some unexpected changes, so do not let an old commitment or agreement colour the decisions you make now. What you need most is freedom to explore the possibilities around you. Make it clear to those concerned that you intend to do things your way. You have every right to do so.

Friday, October 24, 2014

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain eight years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Dudley was having problems printing from Sam was having problems with her spread sheets not Firefox automatically updating Hi Richard, my prob-

lem is that if I try to print from the Gmail screen using Firefox an error message always appears. There is no problem with printing from docs and other files. Help, please!! Dudley

Hi Richard, for the last week or so I have been having problems with my excel spread sheets. I have a few spread sheets with the formulas already in place which I update and the totals naturally update. Over the last week when updating the figures the totals do not update and I’m not sure what has changed. I have attached a spread sheet which I have had problems with; when I change the figures at the top the total at the bottom remains unchanged. Would you please have a look and see if it’s the same when you use it.

Hi Dudley, you could try resetting the printer from within Firefox, do the following… 1. Type about:config in the Location Bar and press Enter. A list of preferences will appear 2. Find the preference print_printer 3. Right-click that preference and select Reset 4. Restart Firefox and see if the problem is resolved

Hi Sam, interesting one this, but I have the answer – formulas have been set to manually update on this spread sheet. You can turn on automatic updates again by doing the following in Excel…

ADVICE: Sheila wanted to know how to make text larger in her web browser. Hi Richard, in my Gmail, it is all very tiny print, how do I get it to stay bigger please? Sheila.

1. 2. 3. 4.

Open up the spread sheet in question. Click the Microsoft Office Button (top left), and then click Excel Options. On the Formulas tab, click Manual under Calculation options, and then click OK. Save your spread sheet

…try to update some cells, you should find that your formulas now calculate automatically.

ADVICE: Uffe wanted to know whether to upgrade to Windows 8.1

Hi Sheila, when you are in Internet Explorer, press CTRL and the ZERO key at the same time and that will reset your zoom, which I assume is causing your problems.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi Richard, One short question, please: Is it worthwhile upgrading to Windows 8.1 (from 8)? Thanks in advance.

Hi Uffe, yes you should upgrade to Windows 8.1 if you have Windows 8 already, there are a number of security and appearance enhancements that make it a much better operating system.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, October 24, 2014

HOW TO NEGOTIATE WHEN BUYING A NEW CAR DISCOUNTS ARE AVAILABLE ON MANY NEW CARS, BUT YOU HAVE TO HAGGLE TO GET THE LOWEST POSSIBLE PRICE

1. Do your homework Before visiting a dealership you need to arm yourself with as much information as possible. Check if the model you’re interested in is due to be updated or replaced; if it is, you can use this to push for a bigger saving. And look at the manufacturer’s website to see if they’re knocking off any money in the form of “contributions”. This reduced price can then be your starting point for negotiations. 2. Time it right Many sales targets are set on a monthly basis, so it’s best to visit a dealership near the end of the month. If it’s struggling to meet its target you’ll find it easier to secure a big saving. 3. Strike a good balance You don’t want to come across as overeager, but at the same time you want to make sure the salesperson knows you’re not just browsing. Make it clear that you’re keen to buy, but only for the right price. 4. Play your cards close to your chest Never tell the salesman your maximum budget because this will only

weaken your negotiating position. Ideally you don’t want to spend the maximum you’ve got available. 5. Shop around Visit several dealerships to see which is prepared to offer the best price on the car you want. And ask each dealership for a quote in writing. You

can then take the best quote to the next dealership and ask them to beat it. 6. Think about the big picture If you’re trading in a car as part of the deal it’s important to get value here as well. After all, there’s no point squeezing every last penny off the price of your new car if you’re going to give your old car away for a fraction of what it’s worth. 7. Remember money isn’t everything If the salesperson won’t offer a saving that you’re happy with, ask them to throw in an extended warranty or equipment that would usually cost extra. Just make sure it’s equipment that you actually want, or it’s effectively worthless. 8. Factor in finance Unless you have the money for your new car sitting in the bank, you’ll need to arrange finance. The dealer will be happy to help you with this, but also get some quotes from high-street loan companies, or you could end up paying more than you need to. 9. Don’t be afraid to walk away If you’re not happy with what’s on offer, say thanks but no thanks. There will always be other deals. 10. Consider using a broker Car brokers specialise in finding cars for their clients, handling the negotiations, then introducing their customer to the dealership. They can often secure bigger discounts than regular customers because they help dealers shift large numbers of cars. Just remember that you should never pay a broker for their services they earn their money by charging the dealer one per cent on every car they help sell.

Friday, October 24, 2014

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT EBOLA

The Ebola virus disease is the latest health threat facing us today, or so they say. The Ebola virus disease was first identified in Sudan in 1976, but the outbreak quickly died out. The current Ebola crisis seems to have remained a persistent health problem in 3 countries in West Africa – Liberia, Sierra Leone and Guinea. No one knows for sure how or where or even when exactly the infection started. The Ebola virus disease, like other viral diseases such as HIV, has no known cure. The body´s best defence for protection and healing is a strong immune system. The countries that are currently affected by Ebola – Liberia and Sierra Leone are still recovering from decade old brutal civil wars that left

them battered economical and physically. Needless to say that the peoples of those countries have suffered from an immensely stressful catastrophe that would have led to a weakened immunity, and unable to cope with Ebola. There was an outbreak of Ebola in Nigeria from Liberia, but within 6 weeks the infection was contained, and of the 20 people that contracted Ebola, 8 people lost their lives and this week Who has declared Nigeria and Senegal Ebola free. Surely if Nigeria and Senegal can contain Ebola while surrounded by it, then why the fear and dread that pervades the media all around us? There are no mediations to treat viral infections, but you can rely on your own body for protection. The sim-

plest way to start working on your immune system is to make sure you are getting enough Vitamin D, and that means spending time outdoors in the early morning or late evening sunshine. Colostrum is my favourite immune enhancer because it contains antiviral compounds as well as antibodies that strengthen the immune system and fight viruses. Maintaining a powerful immune system is the best way to protect yourself against viral infections. FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965071745

NHS STAFF MUST TAKE 'PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY' FOR PROTECTING THEMSELVES FROM EBOLA

NHS staff should not expect to be "nannied" about how to protect themselves from Ebola and must take "personal responsibility", the Chief Medical Officer has warned. Dame Sally Davies said that Britain is not a "paternalistic" society and that NHS staff must "choose to listen to the training" that they are given. Her comments came after MPs said they had been informed by NHS staff that they have not been told where protective clothing is located in their hospitals. Dame Sally told the health select committee: "I think we also need to get over to front line staff that they have a personal responsibility to make sure that they find out where their PPE [protective suit] is and they have learned to do this. We are not a paternalistic society and I am not a nanny.

They must choose to listen to the training." She said that planning at a national level has been "excellent" but said she is “concerned” about whether “our staff know enough on how to” treat patients effectively using personal protection equipment. She said that there are likely to be a "handful" of cases in Britain in coming months. One MP criticised Dame Sally's comments as "slightly disturbing" and suggested that training for NHS staff in how to deal with Ebola should be mandatory. She said that she had "no doubt" that that screening at airports was the best way to catch those showing signs of the disease, but admitted "we won't be able to pick them all up". She disclosed that one person has already refused to be screened, although they were later tested by the Health

Protection Agency. At a meeting of the European Council in Brussels, the Prime Minister is expected to challenge Spain, which has committed just one-fiftieth of Britain’s £125 billion donation, despite being the only country in Europe to see person-toperson infection. Downing Street wants the EU nations to collectively pledge £787 million (euro 1 billion) towards the fight against Ebola. So far, offers of just £590 million (euro 750 million) have been made. The EU has found fewer than half the 2,000 medics and troops that Downing Street said should be sent to West Africa to halt the outbreak. Britain has promised to send 750 people to run treatment centres and a training academy.

Friday, October 24, 2014

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC EMAIL YOUR QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS TO CONTACT@MEDB.ES

I am 72 years old, and since the start of this year, I´ve been having what I refer to as ´bouts of forgetfulness´. This is more than the usually ´senior moments´. I can´t easily recall the names of people that I am supposed to know, people I´ve known for many years, and I also forget why I´ve been in a room more often now than before. I am a bit concerned because my mother had Alzheimer´s when she passed on. I´ve been to my doctors who carried out some tests that included an EEG and MRI and nothing showed up. He reassured me it´s my age. I follow your articles, and will appreciate what advice you can give me.

To treat or prevent any disease, it is always best to understand the likely causes of the disease. With forgetfulness, or memory loss, it is best to start with the external causes, that is causes outside of the body. Many drugs for example, are well known to cause side effects such as memory loss and forgetfulness and they do so by directly causing inflammation of the nerves and nervous system, or indirectly, by affecting the way the body produces essential enzymes, hormones and other chemicals that protects the nervous system. Statins for example are very commonly prescribed to lower cholesterol levels, but they are known to cause serious damage to the brain and nervous system. Among the side effects of

statins include: forgetfulness, memory loss, depression, and aggressiveness. If you take any form of statin drug ( there are several different brand names) then you should know that there are natural alternatives that work even better, without the side effects. At my clinic I use and have documented the effectiveness of a natural substance called policosanol. Statins are just one out of a number of commonly prescribed drugs known to damage the nervous system. If you are taking medications, you should visit your doctor to review them and see if any are contributing to your health problems. Also contributing to forgetfulness and memory loss are the toxic chemicals that surround us. Many people underestimate the harmful nature of the chemicals found in everyday household items such as plastics, cleaning products, cosmetics and even furniture. The truth is that most chemicals used to make commercial products have never been tested for human safety, and a few of those that have been tested have been implicated in many chronic diseases. Our nervous system and organs are very delicate and are easily damaged by foreign chemical compounds. We cannot avoid coming in contact with harmful chemicals in our environment, but we can start by becoming aware of their impact on our health, and reduce our exposure to them. And then there are the causes of forgetfulness that stem from inside the body. One of the commonest causes of memory loss are vascular disease - diseases of the blood vessels. The organs that work the hardest in the body such as the brain and heart have a dense network of blood vessels to

provide them with nutrition and oxygen. But over time, these blood vessels may become damaged by toxins known as free radicals, and this affects the flow of blood to these organs. When our organs are unable to receive enough blood to provide them with nutrients, they start to die off. The toxic free radicals that trigger vascular dementia are a normal by-product of energy production in the body, and are usually mopped-up by a naturally occurring substance in the body known as Co-enzyme Q 10. But we know that as we grow older, our levels of Co-enzyme Q10 starts to fall, and this leads to an accumulation of toxic free radicals in the blood vessels, and in time this leads to hardening of the arteries – atherosclerosis. Atherosclerosis is the main cause of diseases of the blood vessels such as vascular dementia . Nutrient deficiencies, especially Vitamin B deficiencies are also know to cause symptoms such as forgetfulness, as well as cause a disease very similar to Alzheimer's. Nutrient deficiencies are very common in older people and can be easily avoided by taking daily multivitamins. .The cause of memory loss most people fear is Alzheimer's disease, and with good reason. Alzheimer´s is a debilitating disease that robs us of our dignity. New research has shown that Alzheimer's originates in the brain in a similar way to Diabetes Type 2. In diabetes type 2, the cells develop a resistance to insulin. Insulin is a hormone that converts excess sugar in the body into a storable form, and by doing so insulin reduces the levels of blood sugar in the blood. Too high sugar will cause damage to the tissues. But in diabetes type 2,

the cells develop a resistance to insulin, and this causes a build up of sugar in the blood. Scientists have identified a similar situation in the brain. They reckon that about 10 years before people start noticing the symptoms of Alzheimer's, the brain develops a resistance to insulin just like in type 2 diabetes, that starves the brain cells of sugar. When brain cells cannot receive sugar, they cannot carry out their work, such as removing waste from the body and producing vital proteins. Eventually affected brain cells start to die off, and symptoms start to occur. Researchers believe that insulin resistance in the brain is the origin of many neuro-degenerative diseases, and not just Alzheimer´s. But there is hope at hand. A medial doctor whose husband was affected by Alzheimer's disease, discovered that coconut oil reversed his Alzheimer's. The theory is that coconut oil contains medium chain triglyceride's (MCT), a type of fat, which acts as an alternative source of fuel for the brain. In fact our brain cells actually prefers MCT as a source of energy to glucose. There is enough anecdotal evidence to show that coconut oil is effective for treating and preventing diseases associated with the brain. My advice to you is to start taking 2 table spoons of pure virgin coconut oil every day, as well as a good source of Co-enzyme Q10 to help your body reverse any damage that could have occurred. Please email your questions to Dr Machi Mannu: machimannu@gmail.com or Call 965071745 to discuss your health problems.

Friday, October 24, 2014

SPAIN GAINS GROUND IN PROPERTY POPULARITY STAKES

Spanish property is gaining ground in the popularity stakes, attracting more and more overseas buyers as house prices fall. According to Conti, Spain is the second most popular destination for investors, accounting for 36 per cent of all mortgage enquiries. France tops this list with 43 per cent, but the gap between the two nations is narrowing. Enquiries about mortgages on Spanish properties increased by three per cent year-on-year in August, while France fell two per cent during the same period. In fact, during the months of May, June and July, Spain accounted for more enquiries than France. This is likely down to the market swaying in favour of buyers. There are a large number of homes available in the coun-

try and prices are yet to reach the bottom, meaning there is plenty of scope for negotiating values. In terms of lending, there are also plenty of opportunities to be had as long as investors have a healthy deposit. Add in to the mix the fact that the country is easily accessible and Spain looks like a very attractive prospect indeed. However, it isn't just France and Spain that are attracting the eyes of buyers. In fact, more and more people are looking for overseas property across the globe. During August Conti saw a 62 per cent increase in the number of mortgage enquiries, making it the busiest month so far this year. Clare Nessling, director at Conti, said: "Traditionally, our enquiry levels tend rise

around now, as people return home from trips abroad with dreams of owning their own place in the sun. But the uplift is even higher this year, perhaps the result of the UKâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hottest, driest and sunniest summer in the UK since 2006 inspiring even more people to invest in an overseas bolthole which they can escape to during the cold winter months." However, Ms Nessling added that buyers still want to play it safe and opt for traditional locations for overseas homes. This may be the result of uncertainty in certain parts of the globe following the Arab spring, not to mention the consistent tourism activity in popular spots like the Costa del Sol, meaning holiday-let opportunities are available.

Friday, October 24, 2014

TIBA MEMBER PROFILES

Spanish Ink is an Englishspeaking business supplying ink cartridges and toners to expats right across Spain. We stock a wide range of original cartridges and toners as well the cheaper compatibles. To place an order, visit www.spanishink.com and search by the cartridge name or the printer model. You can choose to pay by credit & debit card, by PayPal or opt for the cash-on-delivery option. If you have any doubts about the ink you require, cannot find your particular cartridges or are unsure about ordering through the website, just phone us on 630156447 or email us at sales@spanishink.com and we will do our very best to help you. Kidease Nursery Hire is a family run business who are leaders in Baby & Toddler Equipment Hire here in Spain. Kidease is a legal, registered business and is a member of The International Business Association (TIBA). We are currently the longest and most well established baby equipment hire company Spain and have been serving parents for over a decade. We have maintained our reputation and business as we offer a personable and professional service with high quality products that all meet required EU safety standards. We provide a wide range of products with swift delivery and collection. We operate areas from and inbetween San Javier Airport, La Manga, Murcia, Punta Prima, Torrevieja and Alicante (including Alicante Airport). We can provide you with: Cots, High Chairs, Car Safety Seats, Strollers, Prams, Stair Gates, Baby Walkers, Toys, Rockers, Monitors , Sterilisers, Baths, Changing mats and much much more. We can also provide a range of consumables ready for your arrival, to include:Nappies, Wipes, Food & Drink, Baby Formula Products andother miscellaneous items. REMEMBER if it’s not listed but you want … we’ll get it for you. Call us for more information - www.kideasenurseryhire.com Alicante Airport to Punta Prima - Call Roy - 966 764 267 or 665 124 448 Playa Flamenca to La Manga - Call Mick - 966 763 795 or 690 230 538

Friday, October 24, 2014

Property

thediscountcard.es

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Lifestyle & Services

Friday, October 24, 2014

FREE AUCTIONS

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ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

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Avenida JACA 31, San Luis, Torrevieja. Phone or email Terry for details. Phone: 647-189-135. Email: casatomsanluis@gmail.com

CHURCH SERVICES Torrevieja Christian Fellowship at Avenida de las Cortes Valencianas 68, Torrevieja 03183, welcome residents and visitors alike, to their friendly and lively 10.30 am. Service each Sunday morning. They will not be holding the Wednesday night meeting at 6.00 pm. For further information and/or directions please telephone 966700391 or visit our website on www.tcfspain.org." International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at

10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597. The Rainbow Centre for spiritual awareness We meet in the function room at Sacos bar el Limonar just off the CV 905 Rojales to Torrievieja road We have a divine service on Sundays at 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoyance at 7.30 pm Also on Wednesdays there is an open circle at 5.30 for those who are interested in clairvoyance Healing is always available by certified healers after each meeting A warm welcome to friends old and new For further information call Trish on 966 844 795 or Email the rainbowcentrecostablana@gmail.com Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully comprehensive policies at the price of third party! Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

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GUITAR LESSONS Guitar lessons for beginners and improvers. Provide an insight into most styles. From 10€ per hour. Call Peter on 966789612 or 629975378. Torrvieja

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mancanpa@yahoo.es CARPET FITTER WANTED Experienced part time carpet fitter wanted for the expanding and successful Carpet Heaven in Los Montesinos. Must be hard Working, smart & friendly, with first class customer facing skills. A clean driving license, your own transport & tools are essential. Please send CV with references to carpetheaven@hotmail.es or call us on 966720782 for more information BUSY HAIR & BEAUTY SALON IN THE PLAYA FLAMENCA AREA REQUIRES A PART-TIME FULLY QUALIFED BEAUTICIAN TO JOIN THEIR FRIENDLY & PROFESSIONAL TEAM. TEL: 648111779 FOR DETAILS. Gardening, property maintenance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

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Friday, October 24, 2014

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Friday, October 24, 2014

Greenside Gossip IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

FASHIONS TO BUNKER

After last week’s feature on golf dress codes, I thought it would be interesting to highlight (and that’s not Ian Poulter’s hair) current professional dress codes and what may or may not be acceptable to you and I. It’s probably safe to say that the current European and PGA Tour also moonlights as a grass catwalk for designers and their sponsored golfers to flaunt a wide array of fashion styles. Gone are the days where men nonchalantly donned non-logoed polos and baggy, pleated khakis. Now, everyone seems to be making some kind of splash, which has become big business. Golfers get lots of attention for their tournament clothing (TV rules…OK!), with prior to the first day, major companies releasing the four day wardrobe for their sponsored players, so below it is obviously Rickie

Fowler. Then we get the critiques afterwards, encouraging us to spend more of our euros!! Soon–and I can see it now–there are going to be pre-game, green carpet interviews with players being asked “and who are you wearing this weekend?” Let’s hope I’m wrong. That is not to say that I’m not all for golfers taking pride in how they look, but some of them have been channeling pride towards a fashionless panacea of offensiveness! They overdo it instead of “under doing” it. I mean, take a look at the above lineup for the otherwise likable Rickie Fowler. Here are a couple of rules I think we should pay attention to moving forward: Don’t buy a golf shirt that looks like a wounded alien splattered his fluorescent blood in dissimilar geometric shapes on it. Also, if you show up to the first tee looking like Under Armour

is sponsoring you in the upcoming US Super Bowl, you better be on the losing end of a bet.

Top left: Arnold Palmer, Top right: Adam Scott, Bottom left: Billy Horschel, Bottom Right: Chi-Chi Rodriguez Seriously though, golfers! The neon clad mannequins at golf retailers are not an oracle of stylish athletic wear. People sometimes forget that golf has its own timeless style icons to draw influence from, like Arnold Palmer, Seve Ballesteros, Ben Hogan, and Chi-Chi Rodriguez in his younger days (see above). Currently, we can look to Adam Scott, Justin Rose, Rory McIlroy and Billy Horschel (when he is not wearing octopus pants) for proper guidance. Yet, these styles are ignored by many. Instead, golfers attempt to perhaps emulate the sartorial swag of Ian Poulter, or John Daly which, while cool for the discotheque, is the golf course management equivalent of hitting driver off the deck; extreme, unmanageable and potentially dangerous. In light of the foregoing, let 2015 be the year in which golf style comes a bit back to its senses. Here are five emerging trends (in reverse order of nastiness) that I hope we can leave

behind for the upcoming year. No. 5: Pants with slits at the bottom

What is the purpose here? I’m not sure. Tiger Woods is frequently seen wearing these, but I think they look sloppy. Golf is a gentleman’s game. Your trouser leg’s opening should not be creating the illusion that the corners of its mouth are splitting in an attempt to eat your shoe, In my opinion a slightly tapered leg works best. No. 4: Oversized/Tacky Belt Buckles

Hour energy. So, along with that anchored putter ban, can the tours also discuss a limit on the amount of ads a player can wear? Not to sound too grumpy but some players’ polos are only a couple of unsightly advertisements short of looking like the edge of the pitch wall of a Premier League Soccer game. Also Jim Furyk, the 5-Hour Energy gear needs to go, No. 2: The Flat Brim

Above: One is nonchalant and cool. The other is just not. Sometimes, a flat brim can look fine, even stylish perhaps. Vintage Trevino, Corey “Magnum PI” Pavin and Occasionally, a vintage looking, cowboy-like belt buckle on a golfer can actually look cool. Anthony Kim used to wear these with some stylish success. But the trendy belt buckles being furnished by many of the major HELLS ANGELS motor cycle companies look like you have a Skull and Cross Bones fastened to the front of your trousers. Even looking like a member of heavy rock groups No. 3: Selling out Jim Furyk’s several lateround collapses have made him the butt of countless jokes about his sponsor, 5-

KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION While playing with three other fellow golfers, one guy had hit his second shot out of the rough and was taking some practice swings while waiting for other golfers in the group to hit their shots. So, during one of his practice swings a lump of dirt flew out sideways and knocked his ball a couple of feet from where it was originally lying, Is there a penalty of one stroke or just a simple replace and no penalty?”

ANSWER The loose impediment is an outside agency; however, as the player’s actions caused his ball in play to move, he incurs a one-stroke penalty under Rule 18-2a and must replace the ball. Decision 18-2a/20.5

Costantino Rocca at The Open in ’95 come to mind. Nowadays however, the flat brim seems to be sported with the purported message that the wearer is hip, street dancer or cool. In practice, however, it makes you look like Justin Beiber. No. 1: Loud Clothes Below: There are not enough degrees of separation between these two outfits. Also known as “The Rickie Fowler Effect.” I don’t like to come back to Rickie again, because aside from him looking like he has been Tangoed or the orange power ranger, he is a cool, charismatic, young s u p e r star who values his fan b a s e , which I respect. But, seriously, he does look like he has been seriously Tangoed, and his unicoloured ensembles have unfortunately served as validation for other golfers to sport Crayola crayon-like costumes of their own. Only for Halloween next week, is this sort of childish outfit appropriate!

TITTER ON THE TEE The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for meeting her date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'

Friday, October 24, 2014

SPORTS FIXTURES

REDS TAUGHT AJAX BLEACHED REAL LESSON BARCELONA 3

LIVERPOOL 0

AJAX 1

REAL MADRID 3

Saturday 25 October 12:45 15:00 15:00 15:00 15:00 17:30

West Ham United v. Manchester City Liverpool v. Hull City Southampton v. Stoke City Sunderland v. Arsenal West Bromwich Albion v. Crystal Palace Swansea City v. Leicester City

Sunday 26 October

13:30 Burnley v. Everton 13:30 Tottenham Hotspur v. Newcastle United 16:00 Manchester United v. Chelsea

Monday 27 October

20:00 Queens Park Rangers v. Aston Villa

Friday 24 October

19:45 Fulham v. Charlton Athletic

Saturday 25 October 12:15 15:00 15:00 15:00 15:00 15:00 15:00 15:00 15:00 15:00 15:00

Millwall v. Cardiff City Birmingham City v. Bournemouth Bolton Wanderers v. Brentford Brighton and Hove Albion v. Rotherham United Derby County v. Wigan Athletic Ipswich Town v. Huddersfield Town Leeds United v. Wolverhampton Wanderers Middlesbrough v. Watford Nottingham Forest v. Blackburn Rovers Reading v. Blackpool Sheffield Wednesday v. Norwich City

Liverpool were completely outclassed by Champions League holders Real Madrid at Anfield on Wednesday night. It was all over by half time as Cristiano Ronaldo led Real's charge with a superb opener after 23 minutes and Karim Benzema added two before the interval to leave the hosts facing a desperate exercise in damage limitation. Real's domination was so complete, and the final phase of the game such a procession, that Ronaldo was removed after 75 minutes to protect him for Saturday’s 'El Clasico' with Barcelona

In-form Neymar scored his seventh goal in his last five Barca appearances to put the La Liga leaders ahead in Tuesday’s Champions League tie, before Lionel Messi converted Andres Iniesta's accurate pass to double the tally. With tomorrow’s trip to the Bernabeu in mind, Luis Enrique withdrew Neymar, Messi and Andres Iniesta in the second half as Barca began to relax. That allowed Ajax to nick a late consolation through teenage forward Anwar El Ghazi, before Barca's own young substitute Sandro Ramirez, who replaced Neymar, killed off any hope of a dramatic Dutch comeback.

FIVE STAR REAL LEVANTE 0

REAL MADRID 5

BARCA STAY TOP BARCELONA 3

EIBAR 0

Friday 24 October

19:45 Aberdeen v. Motherwell

Saturday 25 October 15:00 15:00 15:00 15:00

Dundee v. Hamilton Academical Inverness Caledonian Thistle v. Dundee United Partick Thistle v. St. Johnstone St. Mirren v. Ross County

Sunday 26 October 13:00 Celtic v. Kilmarnock

Friday 24 October

20:00 Celta de Vigo v. Levante

Saturday 25 October 15:00 17:00 19:00 21:00 21:00

Almería v. Athletic Club Real Madrid v. Barcelona Valencia CF v. Elche Córdoba v. Real Sociedad Eibar v. Granada CF

11:00 16:00 18:00 20:00

Málaga v. Rayo Vallecano Espanyol v. Deportivo de La Coruña Sevilla v. Villarreal Getafe v. Atlético de Madrid

Sunday 26 October

The Basque minnows produced a dogged performance at the Nou Camp last Saturday but their resistance tumbled just before the hour mark when Messi assisted Xavi Hernandez. Neymar then volleyed in a second and Messi rounded off the scoring to take him to just one strike away from equalling former Athletic Bilbao striker Telmo Zarra's record of 251 Primera Division goals. It’s El Clasico tomorrow (Saturday) as the leaders go to second-placed Real Madrid, with the controversial Uruguayan striker, Luis Suarez, set to make his Barcelona league debut, having seen out his “biting ban”.

BRAVE ELCHE FALL ELCHE 0

SEVILLA 2

Friday 24 October

19:45 Munster v. Saracens

Saturday 25 October 13:00 17:15 17:15 19:45 15:15

Ulster v. Toulon Northampton v. Ospreys Montpellier v. Glasgow Warriors Scarlets v. Leicester Bath v. Toulouse

15:15 17:15 13:00 17:15

Clermont Auvergne v. Sale Benetton Treviso v. Racing Metro Castres v. Leinster Wasps v. Harlequins

Sunday 26 October

Second half goals from Carlos Bacca and Kevin Gameiro saw Sevilla take all three points from a testing trip to Elche last Sunday night, with the Ilicitanos back in the Primera Division relegation zone. Sevilla only managed three shots on target all game against a determined Elche side but took the lead just before the hour mark, and sealed up matters with 17 minutes to go. Elche are away to in-form Valencia tomorrow evening (Saturday).

Cristiano Ronaldo was at the double as Real Madrid warmed up for tomorrow’s clash with Barcelona by putting five goals past hapless Levante in Valencia last Saturday. The ruthless Portugal forward broke the deadlock from the penalty spot and then scored a fine solo effort to make it 15 league goals in seven games for the season. Javier Hernandez, James Rodriguez and Isco were also on the scoresheet.

DERBY BLUES FOR MONTE CD MONTESINOS 0

RACING SAN MIGUEL 3

Over 400 p e o p l e watched the keenly anticipated local clash last Sunday, and frankly there was only one team in it, as the visitors thoroughly deserved their victory. It could have been different though early on, as in the third minute Montesinos striker Vaz was brought down in the penalty spot, but much to the delight of the away supporters, missed converting the spot kick. It was fairly even early on but the turning point came in the 25TH minute as Carlos was sent off for a headbutt, and Monte ended up being on the back foot for the rest of the match. A defensive error saw Racing get a boost just before half-time as they went one-nil up. The second period was a dour affair, with Racing happy to probe on the counter-attack with Monte’s defense looking at times as if the Niagara Falls had parted. Another defensive botch up saw Racing’s lead doubled and the home side had keeper Lopez to thank for some great saves that kept some modicum of respectability on the final tally of defeat, as the visitors crafted a fine third goal with a quarter of an hour remaining. Besides the defensive concerns for Monte, the other worry was that they only put together two other scoring opportunities besides the penalty miss. They’re on the road this Sunday for a trip to Benijofar.

Friday, October 24, 2014

THE ‘F’ WORD!

PART TWO OF ROY KEANE’S BITTER BATTLE WITH HIS LIFE

No, I don’t mean ‘that’ F word, although Roy Keane does use it liberally throughout his new book ‘The Second Half ‘*, to punctuate his colourful life in football since he left Manchester United in 2005. But this time there are other layers of the Irishman revealed, more sides to his character than previously displayed. The ‘F’ word is really Ferguson: the name looms large in the legend of Roy Keane, as he displays huge bitterness and ingratitude towards the iconic manager who won everything in his triumphant 27 years at the Old Trafford helm.

Following a brief period at Celtic, Keane retired officially from playing and soon took on a slice of managerial life at Sunderland. Management at club level is a very specialist subject, especially in football where egos can be huge and need delicately dealing with. No two days were ever the same reveals Keane. A gentler side of the man’s DNA is shown as he deals with staff’s personal problems, including where marriages and children* are involved. Keane’s character and decision-making are put to the test, and demonstrate surprising inconsistencies: by disliking Robbie Savage’s alleged irritating recorded phone messages, no Sunderland signing was pursued; Roy admits to not personalising his Sunderland manager’s office in case a quick exit was required (it was later); and booking his own flights despite having a secretary. Such seemingly trivial matters indicate an insecurity that few would expect of such an apparently fearless warrior, displaying a personal lack of confidence never evident as a player where there were rarely any shades of grey. These have come now in abundance on his face, the pepper-and-salt beard enhancing today’s stern, unforgiving appearance. After some success at Sunderland involving promotion and consolidation in the Premier League, a senior management row caused Keane to abruptly move on - but then failure and the sack was the next step at Ipswich. No more managerial positions have occurred and since then, the Irishman has blundered on from one type of job to another: Jack of all trades but master of none. Punditry and circuitspeaking have passed by, and currently it’s ‘assistant’ manager positions to both Martin O’Neill for the Republic of Ireland and lately to Paul Lambert at Aston Villa that give the man from Cork some solace and kudos. Great jobs these: if things go well you share in the glory, looking like the power behind the throne - and if it doesn’t work out, then ‘It wasn’t me, mate’ looks like the perfect get out, no bucks stopping this time... In the book the skeletons of old enemies Alf-Inge Harland, Carlos Queiroz, Peter Schmeichel, Mick McCarthy (ironically now doing well at Ipswich), Jack Charlton and more are dug up again to play with, to remind everyone you never, ever mess with our Roy. A description: ‘truculent, combative, a man who could start a fight in an empty room… If

MEDALS AT THE DOUBLE

The young swimmers of Club Natacion Torrevieja kicked off their season last weekend with the Trophy Villa de Petre event at Petrer, featuring 362 competitors from across the region. Torrevieja had 21 entrants with two girls becoming medal winners: - Zoe Connolly taking silver in her Infantil 100m Backstroke with a time of 1:13:47 and Vicky Pigneur with a bronze in the Alevin 100m Butterfly with a time of 1:28:28.

it really was an act, Roy Keane was a hell of an actor‘**. That was a key football writer’s assessment of Roy Keane. Himself: Many people are afraid of Alex Ferguson. I am not one of them… is a typically defiant posture of Keane’s aggression from one Celt towards another. Sour management-failed grapes? It certainly looks like it; There is no softness, no regrets or apologies about the past. Spiky, outspoken, opinionated, the man tries to be a latter-day Brian Clough, the only manager he did respect immensely - but then Cloughie was a one-off, an unpredictable genius at his height, a man who won everything as a manager except the FA Cup. But ‘Keano’ is today at huge odds with his previous manager, publicly slating Ferguson about just about everything, and begs to differ on the quality of Ferguson’s management methods. In a recent TV programme verbally pitting Keane against his old Arsenal foe and French hero Patrick Vieira, Keane was asked to sum up Ferguson in one word. ‘Ruthless’ was the answer – and that, perfectly, says it all. Nothing, or certainly no one in a long line of United superstars was bigger than United – or Fergie, if you want to look at it that way. But therein is Red Roy’s rather sad trump card, pointing to ex-United heroes like Bryan Robson and Steve Bruce as Fergie’s discarded, dumped as unwanted remnants of his success: ultimately then he became one himself – and oh, how it hurts. Having won almost everything with United as a player, Roy Keane does not look ever likely to be a success as a manager: he will never be the equal of men like Brian Clough, or Sir Alex Ferguson: the man from Cork is just too sour and brittle. * my apologies for inaccuracy. Last week I wrote Roy Keane had four children, he has five now. Also sadly, his beloved and famous dog Trigg died in 2012. ** The Mail on Sunday October 12 2014, Patrick Collins

BAA-BAAS HIT BEACH

DS Barbarians, the newest rugby union club in the area, have organised twice-weekly training sessions on Guardamar beach, with everyone welcome to come along, no matter what level of experience. The club are still looking for a permanent ground but have taken an initial step to set up training on a Monday and Wednesday evening from 7.30pm, with all ages catered for, as the Barbarians look to enter a variety of 7’s tournaments in 2015 ahead of entering a league team next year. For more details call Dutch on 692 767 242 or Saul on 634 042 913.

FIRST KICKS The new league season kicked off last weekend for the region’s rugby clubs, with Orihuela, watched by a good crowd, beaten at home, 33nil by Murcia. It was a reverse situation in the Cadete league, as Orihuela had a comfortable 41-5 win over Murcia.

BEHIND THE EIGHT BALL? Friday, October 24, 2014

AGHAST GOALIE SPARKS FANS REFUND OFFER AFTER SAINTS WHACK SUNDERLAND 8 – 0…

Deservedly winning the manager of the month, Ronald Koeman’s super Southampton unbelievably hammered eight past suffering Sunderland, where gaping, gasping Gus Poyet could only mutter that it was his worst defeat ever. In a ground-breaking behind-thescenes move, shattered Sunderland goalkeeper Vito Mannone suggested the most expensive-ever whip round the loadsamoney Black Cats’ dressing room to refund the 250 loyal travelling fans’ £180 outlay for travelling over half the length of the country and back. That’s £25,000 per player, total £45,000: cool… There were some particularly pathetic performances from so-called ‘professional’ players. Names were named on MOTD in a disgusted Geordie accent, but really it was almost the whole team who let their club, manager and fans down. Arsenal are at the Stadium of Light on Saturday – the home team sheet should be illuminating… Early doors, Spurs were blown away 4 – 1 by that man Aguero Serging through to score all four - and it could have been worse: ‘Kun’ missed one penalty but scored two other spot kicks and two more belters courtesy of the fragile Tottenham defence. No surprise, he’s now City’s leading goalscorer from Carlos Tevez, but it’s his goals per game ratio, now down to one every 108 minutes that leaves everyone else miles behind, eclipsing last season’s efforts from a certain Uruguayan just down the East Lancs road. His average was 138.8 – I must get out more… Yes, he’s badly missed on Merseyside – well, the Red side, as somehow Liverpool beat Harry’s Hapless Hoops 3 – 2 in a crazy game with four goals in the last

John McGregor reports

three minutes. That man O’Gee, aka Dunne & Caulker inc showed Barren Balotelli how to score for the Reds with the first and last boobs with substitute Coutinho getting a good ‘un inbetween. Brendan Rodgers will breathe a big sigh of relief at the three points, but with sick note Daniel Sturridge now ruled out again for a few more weeks there are striking problems at Anfield. The Reds are apparently set to sign 24 year-old Ghanaian Marseille forward Andre Ayew. Basking in the Blue corner – Barkley’s back! Coincidence that Everton won 3 – 0 at last with the returning young England midfielder looking immediately back to his best? Plus Leighton Baines making two and his defensive partner Seamus Coleman leading the full backs’ goalscoring league, Everton look good again – although early contenders Villa were poor: four defeats in a row now. Yes, Christian Benteke is back at last, but Fabian Delph is now out for two months. Erm, didn’t spot No 2 Greybeard Roy Keane on the bench - he was probably angrily signing books with his poisoned pen (see over). West Brom 2 Man Utd 2. LVG’s office, Tuesday morning with Ryan Giggs LVG: I don’t understand, Royan! What happened? RG: Ryan, boss – they scored two and we – LVG: I know zat, do you sink I am a twot? My Holland were turd in the World Cup. Against those Biggies we had all the play but we didn’t win. We are crack at the back – I mean we have a big crack at the back, down the middle, Rayon. RG: Ryan. I know boss. What does it say in your double Dutch match notes you take? LVG: Double Dutch? Are you taking the pizza out of me and my capitan Robin? On Saturday we have to play Chelsea at some bridge in Stafford, and next those Shitty peoples next door – hey, I made a joke, is it? Did you see that Aguero, Rayne he scored four on

Saturday? RG: You’re mixing me up with Wayne, boss. Yeah, he was great, and Chelsea are scoring loads! LVG: Quick, Get Woodworm, the moneyman on the phone, Rayan. I need a new defencer to fill that crack… They’re sometimes known as the ‘R’s’: that’s particularly apt as they are currently making a right ar*e of it. I just don’t get the Queer People Running the Loftus Road club. After the Liverpool defeat, manager Harry Redknapp said his old target Adel Taarabt is three stone overweight and so he was ‘unfit’ to play, despite not being injured. How come the Hoops sell a class 15goals-guaranteed-a-season striker like Loic Remy (to neighbours Chelsea, he scored Wednesday in Europe)? Certain past-it players have had their moments, but now should either be made into burgers or put out to stud. Happy Harry excepted, Quite Pathetic Really must have the most expensive, useless management team going: Kevin Bond, Joe Jordan, Glenn Hoddle, seven other ‘never wases’ all groaning away on the bench. And on Sunday, yes, there was old Les Ferdinand. Unbelievably he’s the new ‘Head of Football Operations’ at Shepherd’s Bush, sitting comfortably up in the stand next to England manager Roy Hodgson, chatting calmly away, like you do. What does he/they all do? Oh, and there’s 36 players on the books currently. Words fail me… The 2 – 1 result at Selhurst Park looked like an ‘only just’ win for leaders Chelsea on paper. But on grass the league leaders’ superiority over Crystal Palace was emphatic, symbolised by a superb team effort for the second goal rounded off in style by Cesc Fabregas; that was the Spaniard’s first Prem goal since playing for Arsenal. It even had miserable Mourinho purring (well, it could’ve been a growl) as the Blues march on at the top.