The Courier Newspaper - Edition 211

Edition 211

www.thecourier.es

Friday 6th March 2015

TOXIC TIP QUIZ GUZZLED OUT News

RESIDENTS GET HEARING OVER POISONOUS STENCH ALEX TRELINSKI

A

n Orihuela judge is to investigate the toxic fumes that are coming from a landfill site next to the Las Ramblas Urbanisation in Pilar de la Horadada. This follows a report by the environmental branch of the Guardia Civil, Seprona, which suggests poisonous gases are around the tip after acting on a complaint from the Altamira Urbanisation President, Bob Hammond, last summer.

The 20 metre high tip is in the Pilar council area on the edge of the Sierra Escalona park, and has been used as an unofficial rubbish dump for many years, leading to calls from residents in the neighbouring urbanisations for action against the pungent aroma. Bob Hammond said that he was pleased that the court is to start proceedings for an alleged crime against the environment.

The Seprona report says that some toxic gases like methane, carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide are present at the site, but that a more conclusive investigation by experts ought to be commissioned by the investigating judge. That would then put the court in a strong position to take appropriate legal action if the law has been broken.

Residents claim that the dump is illegal with the contents having rotted and

the resulting gases ignited.

Mr. Hammond says that it is a serious health hazard to those living nearby and to those who are on the paths of the winds which carry the probably toxic smoke over considerable distances around the Orihuela Costa.

The residents claim that asthma sufferers are badly affected and a worryingly high number of cases of cancer have

occurred among those living near to the site, though no official link between the two is available. The site is close to fields of orange and lemon trees which the local people claim could be affected by ground and air pollution.

Local political parties Claro and Compromis have both called for the judge’s investigation to start as soon as possible.

It's emerged that the four-strong gang of petrol station robbers (as featured on the front page of last week's Courier) are all North African. continued on page 2

Sport

Pages 44-48

WHY WOMEN SHOULD TEE OFF

xx I like to play golf with the ladies, they bring certain elegance and grace to the game as well as bringing with them a delightful perfume aroma, which has a kind of calming influence and then there is the “bisos” and “abrazos” on the 18th.

But less of my personal reasoning and more of why ladies should play golf. read more on page 44

Features

Test your brain matter Get The Courier Newspaper whenever you want! Available on iPad, iPhone and any Android powered smartphone or tablet! Just search for us in the App Store and Google Play!

pages 28 & 29

Deciphering Food Labels page 30

2

Friday 6th March 2015

TELEPHONE

966 921 003 679 096 309 E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE C/ Luis Canovas Martinez 03183 Torrevieja Phone: 966 921 003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1600 EDITOR Alex Trelinski LAYOUT & DESIGN James Bone ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es

BEHIND BARS

It's emerged that the four-strong gang of petrol station robbers (as featured on the front page of last week's Courier) are all North African. The Guardia Civil and National Police swooped to arrest the men in Bigastro and across the Murcia region last week, with them aged in their thirties and of Algerian and Moroccan origin. They were all remanded into custody last Friday after appearing in courts in Orihuela, Cartagena, and Cieza.

Pictures of the gang have been released by the authorities and they have been charged with over 30 robberies at mainly service stations in the region. They have had a whole range of charges levelled at them, including robbery with violence; assault; and the illegal possession of weapons.

Besides robbing petrol stations, it is believed that the North Africans raided at least five homes and businesses. Locations included Los Montesinos, Orihuela, Rojales, Albatera, Catral, Elche, San Miguel, Guardamar, and Callosa. The investigators say that the level of intimidation was especially worrying with the men carrying guns, shotguns, semi-automatic pistols, and Japanese katana swords to threaten people to hand over goods and money.

JOBS BOOST

MARCH MADNESS

TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier Tel. 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel. 685 901 265 Writers Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor Ivie Davies James Bone Peter Singh

The number of Spaniards registered as jobless fell by 0.3% in February from a month earlier, or by 13,538 people. This left 4.51 million people out of work, according to figures from the Labour Ministry. Joblessness fell most markedly in the construction sector, down 1.89%, or by 10,091 people. In the country's service sector, 223 fewer people were out of work, while unemployment fell by 6,535 people in industry, the figures showed. The fall in joblessness in February was the sharpest registered in that month since 2001, the ministry said.

Locally, just over one thousand people came off the Alicante Province registers, with a total of 204 thousand people out of work. Meanwhile, 400 people left the dole queue last month in the Murcia region, with some 144 thousand still unemployed.

Parts of the Costa Blanca logged the warmest March day for 28 years this week, as Monday figures hit as high as 29.5 degrees in Alicante City, no mean achievement as it was only the second day of the month. The previous best saw a high of just over 30 degrees back in 1987. A day later, low clouds and sea mists hit the Vega Baja coast, with areas like Guardamar, Torrevieja, and Pilar de la Horadada hit by much cooler conditions compared to the day before!

KILLER BLAZE

An 82 year old bedridden woman, Silvia Mantilla, died in a fire that hit her seventh floor Elche flat on Monday evening.

20 neighbouring apartments had to be evacuated from the adjoining apartments on Ruperto Chapí 41 in the city, as over a dozen firefighters tried to put out the fierce blaze in a five hour operation. Five people, including a police officer had to be treated for smoke inhalation but were all discharged from hospital on Tuesday. Early indications suggest that the fire had something to do with a microwave cooker in the woman’s living room, where her bed was as well.

THIS WEEKS WEATHER FORECAST Publication Published by TKO Media and Entertainment S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 188 - 2014 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for any readers letters or claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features. Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or nonappearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS!

DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines? What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents

– or happier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

3

Friday 6th March 2015

BLESS ME FLUSHED AWAY FATHER

Spain's bishops have defended the right of priests to maintain the secrecy of the confessional booth even in cases of serious crimes such as the sexual abuse of children. Not reporting a crime learned of in the course of the secret of confession is not a cover up or a crime," said the secretary general of the Spanish bishops conference, Jose Maria Gil Tamayo.

This principle applied even in cases of sexual crimes, he added.

"This legal principle is recognised by the Spanish state for all religions," he said. His comments came as the country is grappling with its biggest ever paedophilia scandal involving the Catholic Church in terms of the number of suspects.

BAD MUMMY

A rise in the number of foreign taxi drivers at Barcelona's El Prat airport has led to 'multi-cultural toilets' being installed there. Airport governing body AENA had planned to renovate and modernise the taxi-driver bathrooms in any case, but four of these have been adapted to suit different global societies, particularly those from Muslim countries. They now include latrines – also known as 'Turkish toilets', common in French service stations and basically a hole in the ground with footholds either side – and bidet hoses which are used instead of toilet paper.

AL FRESCO TIME

MORE HASSLE

It’s claimed that new hand-luggage inspection rules imposed by Brussels will cost Spanish airports around 17 million euros a year, mainly in hiring additional security staff.

From this week, numerous types of electronic devices will have to be removed from hand-luggage bags at the X-ray gates for separate inspection. According to the airport governing body AENA, which oversees the facilities at AlicanteElche and San Javier airports, this will include photographic and video cameras, laptop computers, netbooks, Tablets, mobile phones, electronic games which use batteries, hairdryers, hair straighteners, irons, and even portable sewing machines. Any of these which contain sharp external parts would already be banned from hand luggage, but where they are permitted on board, they will need to be taken out of the bag and examined individually. This means additional security staff at the entrance to departures, says AENA director Fernando Echegaray.

WEEKEND BURNER A Malaga mother of two has been jailed for 22 years, after pimping off her twin 16 year old daughters. A man and his girlfriend have also been sentenced for colluding with the mother to bring the victims from Romania to Spain, where they first worked from a house in Girona before moving south to Malaga.

Court documents show that the man and his girlfriend had an agreement with the mother of the two girls to bring them to Spain "to be sexually exploited, in exchange for a sum of money". The twins were then taken to Girona, where they worked as prostitutes, controlled by the couple, before going to the Costa del Sol. The mother moved over with her daughters, "controlling the money they made from prostitution" until one of her daughters reported her to the police. Both the mother and the man involved have been sentenced to 22 years for human trafficking, while the man's partner has been sentenced to 20 years.

Santa Pola council is to slash by half the amount that bars and restaurants are charged for outside terraces. The council says they are doing this to boost tourism but also with guidelines that there is a certain amount of uniformity in the types of furniture used, and that no additional advertising billboards are erected. The council is also looking to cut charges for young business people setting up a new venture as well as those who have been unemployed for a long time.

DEATHLY CRUSH

A 47 year old mechanic was crushed and killed by the car that he was repairing. The incident happened in the San Agustin area of Alicante City as the Mercedes 3000 vehicle that he was under, fell on him. Half a dozen neighbours tried to lift the car without any success, but the man was already dead.

Two houses were evacuated in the Filipinas urbanisation on the Orihuela Costa in the early hours of last Sunday morning after a fire started in a rubbish container in a nearby wood. Torrevieja firefighters brought the blaze under control, without it spreading to the buildings.

4

Friday 6th March 2015

CARTEL FAST ATTACK FAKES PUNISHED FOUND

Spain's petrol giants have been fined a total of 32 million euros for price fixing. The biggest fines from the National Markets and Competition Commission have hit Repsol with 20 million euros and 10 million for Cepsa, with the remaining two million split between Disa, Galp and Meroil. The hefty penalty comes after 18 months' worth of investigations by the now-defunct National Energy Commission (CNC) starting nearly two years ago involving inspections and audits of several petrol suppliers across the country.

CANCER WALK

Algorfa council has linked up with the local branch of the cancer charity AECC, to stage a solidarity march against the disease this Sunday morning (March 8th). 81 local businesses in the area are supporting the event which starts at 10.00 am from the Plaza de España, with all the proceeds going into cancer research. Registration costs five euros for adults and two euros for children up to the age of 12.

SPORTS UPGRADE

San Pedro del Pinatar’s politicians led by Mayor Visitation Martinez have been checking out a new outdoor sports court at the municipal sports centre. The 42 thousand euro facility can be used for a variety of sports including football, basketball, and tennis, whilst another 25 thousand euros have been used in the town for such things as a new playground in addition to an electronic scoreboard and seating at the Our Lady of Carmen school in Lo Pagán.

SURFACE PLEDGE Dolores Partido Popular Mayor, Joaquín Hernández, says that all of the town’s streets that need repairing, will be looked at in a major programme, where he encouraged residents to tell the council where the problems are with surfaces. The opposition PSOE say that the current administration has had 12 years to sort out the issue with the local elections scheduled for May.

A North African knifeman slashed a Guardia Civil officer close to his eye during an arrest in a Torrevieja fast food outlet. The drama unfolded in Punta Prima in outlet on Calle Heraclio, last Friday afternoon (February 27th) when the shop owner called the authorities after the unruly behaviour of the customer. The knifeman then assaulted one of the Guardia agents, who was lucky to escape with needing just a few stitches above one of his eyes.

TURTLE HELP

Sea turtles are to benefit from a new pioneering project launched in Torrevieja this week, which is unique to the Costa Blanca. The Real Club Nautico, the International Yacht Club Marina and the Marina Salinas have joined forces to raise awareness amongst their members of the need to look out for any turtles that may be in distress.

Guidance leaflets of what to do and who to contact will be distributed to the two thousand plus boat owners.

PUSSY CUT

At least 105 feral cats are expected to be sterilised in Torrevieja this year under the CES Torrevieja cat control project, after the council signed a new contract. Health councillor Mamen Mateo said that a thousand leaflets in English and Spanish promoting the work of the CES project had been printed.

COSTLY STRIKE A Los Alcazares man who assaulted his doctor with his walking stick after he refused to prescribe him morphine, has had his jail sentence reduced by the Murcia Provincial Court.

The assault happened at the Los Alcazares health centre in 2009, with the unruly patient throwing down a computer down onto the floor along before striking the medic in his forearm. A Cartagena court had originally given him a two and a half year stretch and a 120 euro fine, but the Murcia judiciary reduced it to 18 months.

Spanish police have broken up a Valencia region gang that allegedly created and then sold fake works of art purporting to be by renowned artists including Pablo Picasso, Andy Warhol and Joan Miro.

Officers have arrested nine suspects including the alleged counterfeiters and intermediaries involved in selling the fakes online and through galleries.

The investigation began following a complaint that art objects had been stolen from a house in the northern Costa Blanca city of Denia.

Police proceeded to search seven addresses and seized 271 works, including canvasses, sculptures and documents to be used in the falsification of the art's provenance. The alleged counterfeiters were three brothers and a couple, who had all been faking art for seven years.

CARD MOB BLOCKED

65 people have been arrested for stealing at least half a million euros in a credit card phising scheme run from Romania and Barcelona. Bank details of 117 non-Spanish bank accounts, including some from the UK, were illegally obtained by gang members, who then illicitly transferred sums from them into Spanish accounts. The gang operated around the country, including in Alicante Province.

Once the money was in Spain, it would be personally smuggled out to Romania or via a bureau transfer, with the National Police saying that they also arrested the boss of the Spanish side of the operation, who would skim off some 30% of the money for himself. The police said that the Romanian overlords didn’t look too kindly at gang members in Spain who would put their fingers in the pot and help themselves to some of the proceeds, with gunpoint visits to the country to set any crew members straight if they had not handed over the amounts of money that they expected.

IT’S A COUGH UP Torrevieja’s Green Party says that the local council is having to cough up 127 thousand euros of compensation to five homeowners on Avenida de las Habaneras for not doing enough to stop noise disturbing them from late night bars. The matter has rumbled on for years, with a court also including an amount for the depreciation of the value of the properties because of the near-by noise. Green leader José Manuel Dolón (pictured) says that years of neglect by the council have led to an increase in compensation amounts for residents, and that the authority had done little to deal with the problem caused by the bars and clubs.

Friday 6th March 2015

QUICK CLIMBER

The new N332 Facebook page for local drivers put together by Torrevieja-based Guardia Civil officers working for Trafico has become a big hit, getting more than six followers in just a few weeks.

Serving officer, Francisco Morales, said, “When we first came up with the idea of providing information to the English speaking expats in our area, we hoped to get maybe a hundred or two hundred followers. We never imagined how popular the page would be! Now with members from all around Spain, not just the Torrevieja and Orihuela Costa area where our officers work, it is clear that the information is greatly appreciated”.

To find out more, then just search for N332 on Facebook, and the officers also have their own website, www.n332.es, where you can also sign up for their regular newsletter.

HERE’S HAPPY

Former frontman of The Smiths, Morrissey, is to appear at Murcia’s SOS festival at the start of May. The grumpy Mancunian’s first gig in the area is a major coup for the two event on May 1st and May 2nd in Murcia City, which last year featured the Pet Shop Boys as their headline act.

Keyboard trio, Years & Years, are also on the bill after being nominated for this year’s Brits Critics Choice award and winning the prestigious BBC Sound of 2015 honour

CLICK AND COMPLAIN

Reporting loss, theft or damage to the authorities can now be carried out online rather than having to go to the Guardia Civil station in person. The new 'e-Denuncias' system still requires the person reporting the incident to visit the station within three days of making the online statement, but only to confirm the contents and sign the paper copy of the report. Full details, descriptions and lists of lost or stolen goods can be supplied via a website, allowing the property owner to do so in his or her own time and search for boxes, receipts or documents as and when they are needed to fill in parts of the form. The link can be found on the Guardia website, http://www.guardiacivil.es

5

6

Friday 6th March 2015

WHAT A SOB STORY

I breezed into the pub the other lunchtime and then reverse-breezed out again after something I'd spotted in the street reached the receiving section of my brain.

What had caught my attention was the sight of Fag Ash Bill smoking a cigarette on the pavement. A familiar sight, true, but there was something different and rather niggling on this occasion.

For what I had spied were two plump tears tumbling down Bill's cheeks as he inhaled on his tobacco stick.

'What ails thee, my good friend?' I asked as I held out a handkerchief with which to mop his moist crinkled-up face.

'It's the pain, Dave,' answered Fag Ash Bill. 'I really don't know how to handle it.'

'So what has brought on the harsh discomfort within you which you barely know how to combat?' I asked.

Fag Ash Bill stared quizzically at me through his tears. 'Why are you talking funny, Dave?' he asked.

'Sorry, Bill,' I apologised.

'I've just watched my Knights of the Round Table DVD and I always speak like a medieval bloke after a viewing. But pray tell me, has some varlet upset you?'

Fag Ash Bill sighed as deeply as a heavy smoker could. 'Neuralgia,' he said, massaging his stressed-out jaw and wet cheeks.

Isn't it funny how we guys

tend to exaggerate our medical conditions. Take the common cold. It's beneath men to suffer from it. No, we are struck down with influenza. Similarly, Fag Ash Bill had elevated what was obviously a c o m m o n toothache into a nerve disorder which sounded more serious.

Still, Bill's pain was obviously giving him some gyp so I decided to transport him forthwith in my clapped-out jalopy to the surgery of my best pal Eric the dentist.

'Please feel free to smoke in the car,' I said to Bill.

'It's only old nicotine and fossilised chewing gum which holds the vehicle together.'

A quarter of an hour later we were seated in Eric's waiting room after I'd booked in Bill as an emergency -- an exaggeration, I know, but I couldn't stand seeing a pub mate in pain. That's just the kind of guy I am.

'Bill!' I hissed into his ear.

'You can't smoke in here.

Put your fag out immediately or you'll get thrown out.'

Fag Ash Bill looked captivated by that particular

prospect.

I stubbed out Bill's ciggy in the hinged fold-up asht r a y

which he always wore strapped to his wrist. Then I confiscated the half-dozen fag packets he had secreted about his person, his allweather lighter and the emergency box of matches which he also carried in the event that the lighter ran

out of petrol, gas, electricity or whatever it was

t h a t made the flaming thing function.

Bill and I killed time by leafing through magazines, reading the NHS notices on the surgery wall and counting the ceiling tiles several times over. Then Eric the dentist's voice came over the PA system. 'Next

patient, please. That will be Mr Fag Ash Bill.'

The voice went on: 'But if Mr Bill happens to be outside having a ciggy, would my bezzie mate Mr Dave S i l v e r p l e a s e enter the treatment room and we'll have a pleasant chat over tea and biscuits until Mr Bill is ready to b e examined.'

F a g Ash Bill p u t down t h e magazine h e h a d

shredded in lieu of a cigarette and turned to me. 'Something is puzzling me, Dave. Why on earth am I seeing a dentist?'

'Because you have a toothache,' I sighed.

'What toothache?' asked Bill. 'I never mentioned toothache. I told you I had neuralgia. I was just thinking back to happier times

and yearning for the carefree old days. That's why I was having a weep and massaging my melancholic face.'

I thought really hard for a moment before the penny dropped.

'That's NOT bloody neuralgia. That's nostalgia! I've just made a complete idiot of myself because you used the wrong word!'

Fag Ash Bill looked sheepish. 'Sorry, Dave,' he mumbled. 'I'll head back to the pub now if you'll please return my belongings.'

I removed Bill's smoking stuff from my bag for life and watched him leg it out of the dentist's at a rate of knots. Bill might have been the most serious smoker I had ever known but he was also the physically fittest bloke and I knew he'd be back outside the hostelry within minutes -- far faster than he would have got there in my old car.

I also knew the root of his nostalgia -- the girl he had loved and lost. Agnes had worked at Bill's local tobacconist shop but she abhorred smoking and had refused to spend the rest of her life with a smoker. Poor Bill.

I turned to the only other person in Eric's waiting room. 'The dentist will see you now,' I said. 'But before you make yourself comfortable in the chair would you mind bringing me out a cup of tea with a couple of biscuits. I'd go myself but I'm absolutely cream crackered.'

Friday 6th March 2015

COFFERS EARLIER FILLED PRIME

Bailed-out Bankia has announced an 83 percent jump in its 2014 net profits to 747 million euros, though the bank remains under investigation for an ill-fated 2011 stock listing.

The jump in gains at the bank was due in part to a change in accounting norms that pushed down 2013's profits, the bank said unveiling last year's results. However, the bank also benefited from an increase in revenues, a drop in costs and a decrease in dubious lending. It "was an important year for us," said Bankia President Jose Ignacio Goirigolzarri.

MOTORING ON

New car sales rose 26.1% year-on-year in Spain in February, the 18th consecutive month of growth, according to the Spanish car manufacturers' association, Anfac. The February figure compared to a 27.5 percent rise in January, helped by an ongoing government subsidy programme.

Some 86,717 vehicles were sold in the month while sales rose to 154,836 cars over the first two months of the year, Anfac said. The government announced last Friday that it was extending the Plan PIVE scheme that offers price cuts on new low-emission vehicles for the seventh time.

Spain's state broadcaster, RTVE, has announced it is bringing forward its prime time slot to 10.15pm, allowing people to get to bed earlier. The move kicked in last Monday with Spain having one of the latest prime times in the world, partly due to the fact that Spaniards tend to eat dinner later and stay up later than their European counterparts. Spaniards also watch more television than any other European nation, spending an average of 10.1 hours a week in front of the box, with youngsters staying up late watching their favourite shows.

The change will see RTVE's prime time output finish 24 minutes later than its nearest competitor, according to the President, José Antonio Sánchez. RTVE also announced that programmes ending before midnight would carry a special logo.

"The corporation is particularly sensitive to the healthy use of television, based on the streamlining of schedules, as well as the better balance of work and family life," RTVE's president said. Even with the new earlier schedule, Spain's prime time is one of the latest in the world. In the USA, prime time is usually between 7pm and 10pm, while in the UK, prime time lasts between roughly 6.30 and 10.30pm. Spain might be the only country with a second prime time – which coincides with the long afternoon siesta, between 2.30pm and 5pm during which talk shows, news and soap operas are typically broadcast.

7

ON A HIGH

The number of Spaniards who said they started using cannabis in 2013 outnumbered those who said they took up smoking cigarettes, according to new government figures.

More than one-third of new users, 61,000 or 36 percent, were between the ages of 15 and 17, the study showed. The number of cannabis users overall was slightly down but the number of people who use the drug on a daily basis has increased.

"The figures confirm the extension of the problematic pattern of consumption of this substance,” said the head of the government's National Drugs Plan, Francisco Babin.

BUMPER RAID

The National Police and local agents had a Saturday night swoop last weekend in Torre Pacheco where they rounded up 11 illegal immigrants in various bars. The authorities were responding to regular complaints of noise, fights, prostitution and drug dealing around the Calle Colon area of the Murcia region town. Cops racked up a bumper bundle of charges including 15 breaches of alcohol licensing laws; drink-dri-

ving; drug and knife possession, in addition to the eleven people who had overstayed their welcome in Spain. The dragnet also saw officers discover one vehicle containing 82 mobile phones; six cameras; a computer hard drive; and some 500 miscellaneous items, all of which were seized as the car owner who had been in one of the raided bars had no proof as to where he had got them from.

8

Friday 6th March 2015

NICE ONE LUCY

My granddaughter Lucy Rogers was educated over here on the Orihuela Costa since the age of four and she graduated last year from the IES Playa Flamenca School with a High School Certificate qualification. She applied to study Level 3 Photography at Huntingdon College, Cambridgeshire, and started her first year back in September.

She is continuing to exceed all expectations, being selected by her tutor along with three other fellow students(Lucy is wearing the glasses) to attend last month’s BAFTA film awards in Covent Garden, London. There was over one thousand other photographers fighting for position on the red carpet, giving her a taste of the media and life as a press photographer.

Lucy took some photos of BAFTA and Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne, and she’s sent her red carpet photos of him, and she is hoping to meet Eddie when he visits Cambridge University later this year. I thought it would interesting for local parents to have confidence via The Courier that the Spanish education system is of an excellent standard that they should be proud of. Lucy adds her thanks to her art teacher, Consuelo and her tutor, Lola at the Playa Flamenca School for all their hard work.

Philip D Toft

SPANISH SWITCH

Being a Spanish resident and being told that it is now the law, I have applied for a Spanish driving licence. I had my medical and took all the necessary paper work to Trafico only to be told that now I must go to The National Police Station in Orihuela and obtain a "CERTIFICACION DE LA OFFICINA DE EXTRANJERIA, DE QUE ES RESIDENTE LEGAL EN ESPAÑA." (a certificate from the Foreign Office that I am a legal resident of Spain). Apparently a Residencia Certificate, Padron, Utility Bills and all the other papers I possess do not qualify these days. I hot-footed it to the Police Station to be told that I can only make an appointment for about 10 days time and before my appointment, I must pay my fees at the bank. All this is now in place and I am now waiting to get my certificate and then when Trafico call me, I can return with the piece of paper I was short of and then my application can be processed! So my advice to people who are thinking of changing to a Spanish Driving Licence is to go to the Police Station first and get the necessary certificate with the hope of only needing one visit to Trafico.

Joan Waddington Quesada Editor: - Any other readers experiencing any problems in the switch? I converted three years ago with no hassle and no need for a Foreign Office form, but had all the other forms that Joan was armed with.

Friday 6th March 2015

9

10

Friday 6th March 2015

LOCAL LOOK-IN BENIDORM BALL

BON VOYAGE CHRIS

MABS, the cancer support charity, which operates across the Costa Blanca is getting all prim and proper in a big fund-raiser in Benidorm at the end of April. The Spring Ball at the Marina Hotel in Benidorm on Saturday April 25th will be used to help continue the charity’s vital work in the region.

MABS offers free interpreting, care in the home, specialist equipment and family support during their time of need. It has just bought a Ford transit van to use to both deliver equipment more quickly and to collect furniture and delivery of furniture from their shop in La Cala Finestrat and in Mutxamell.

The special ball will feature a four- course meal plus music from Il Diva and other supporting acts.

Running a van does not come cheap - it costs 75 euros to fill the tank! Tickets are 37.50 euros and the charity has also arranged reduced bed and breakfast accommodation for 30 euro per head!

For tickets, or to give a donation towards the raffle prizes, call 628 783 398 or 687 211 722.

Chris Sumter is stepping down as president of Samaritans in Spain and moving back to England. She first joined the Samaritans seven years ago. She became a Trustee and, as an ex teacher, took over training, revamping the modules to suit Spanish conditions and began training trainers to further the organisation. She became CEO in 2011 and took over as President in November that year. The organisation at that point was known as the Costa Blanca Samaritans, and was literally struggling for its very survival.

Chris immediately began to seek out ways to bring the Samaritans into the limelight and into the forefront of charities here in Spain. The search was on to find and secure premises to include the call centre itself, a drop-in centre and a charity shop to raise desperately needed funds. The ideal location was found and the Punta Marina Centre at Punta Prima, just south of Torrevieja. The office and shop opened there two years ago, and since then, the Samaritans have gone from strength to strength to now include 24 hour listening, email consultations, face to face work, prison visiting and a satellite centre with the British Embassy in Madrid.

Chris is pictured on the right getting a farewell bouquet from the CEO, Lynda Brettle, at her last Trustees meeting.

JUST ONE LEEK

NEW MAN STANDING

The Welsh members of the Torrevieja branch of the Royal British Legion had plenty to celebrate last weekend with the Wales rugby side winning their Six Nations match in Paris on the Saturday, and then it was St. David’s Day on the Sunday! Some vocal dexterity was shown on the feast day, despite a few hoarse participants after all the cheering during the rugby!

TWO YEARS OLD

The Samaritans in Spain centre in Punta Marina celebrated two years of business with a special fun day last weekend. VIP guests from Torrrevieja council, Councillor Rosario Martinez Chazarra (responsible for foreign residents, immigration and integration) and Jean Paul Mulero, the Director of the Foreign Residents Office (OARI) were presented them with their very own Samaritans T-shirts as a token of appreciation for all their support. Roy Parker, in his last project as branch manager before standing down, supervised the whole event to raise funds and awareness of the Samaritans in Spain with special thanks going to the Rocajuna Drama Club for their donation.

Living in Spain can be somewhat confusing, but the Help at Home Mar Menor Chatters group are presenting a talk later this month about the subject from the British Consulate’s healthcare specialist, Martin Standing, who will be deputising for Consul, Lloyd Milen who is unable to be there. The event will be at Roda’s Centro Civico on Wednesday March 18th at 11.15 am, and Martin Standing will be happy to answer any questions you may have, but please keep them brief and to the point. No need to book, all are welcome, so pop along a little earlier, have a coffee, and grab a seat. helpathomespain@gmail.com or telephone 603 517 770

Friday 6th March 2015

11

DO YOU HAVE AN INVESTMENT BUT NOT AN ADVISER? There are many clients in Spain that have an investment or a QROPS but no adviser to guide them. This can be for many reasons. It may be that you Financial Adviser has retired or that they have moved back to the UK. AES can help you. It's important to have an adviser that can guide you. We can also deal with the administrative part of your investment including withdrawals, income payments or simply keep you up to date with any news on your funds and provide valuations. If you do not have a Financial Adviser then please call or email us.

Mark Harrison Partner AES International

At AES we provide you with A dedicated Client Account Regular valuations Advice on existing funds (whether to leave them where they are or switch them) Advice on the tax efficiency of your investment Administration of your bond including processing withdrawals Inheritance tax advice

Regular news on funds that you have invested in AES is known as a knowledge-driven, client-orientated business that is focused on helping you achieve the financial wealth, security and peace of mind that you desire. This is why so many expats and companies are turning to AES. We are a multi-award winning, diverse organisation with offices across Europe and in the UAE. Our head office is in London and we are fully regulated in the UK by the FCA. In Spain we are regulated by the Spanish regulator, the Comisi贸n Nacional del Mercado de Valores (CNMV) If you have an investment here or in the UK or a QROPS and feel at a loss because you do not have an adviser then please contact me and I can discuss further how we can help you. You can phone me on 965 704 338 or email me at mark.harrison@aesinternational.com.

Our office hours are 10am to 2pm Monday to Friday but you can leave a message on our answer phone outside these hours.

12

Friday 6th March 2015

HOW SICK CAN YOU GET?

During our constant work of rescuing and rehabilitating severely abused animals, we have seen a lot and for some very sad and disturbing reason, the abuse inflicted upon animals, is getting worse by the day, across this confusing world we live in. If you are easily upset, I would suggest that you please stop reading this article now, as some of the following descriptions of abuse are extremely unpleasant. We get sent all kinds of requests, to help many animals as you can imagine, along with petitions to sign, to right the wrongs that sick humans are doing to animals.

On Saturday evening, I was sent a video from Egypt, the contents of which were truly disgusting. There was a crowd of adults and children, possibly around one hundred people all in all, who had crowded around a lamppost, to which a large dog was tied. Then a couple of men pulled out knives and simply starting to slash this poor dog’s throat. It was not long before the dog’s screams stopped and he had sadly passed away. The whole

episode simply sickened me and I must have spotted more than 20 people, including children, who were filming this on their phones. There was laughter and roars of encouragement. This world is simply going backwards, day by day, year by year and why people have become so mentally disturbed, I simply do not know.

On another video, there was a lovely dog from Romania. I personally have never seen injuries of such a kind inflicted on a dog like this before.

Someone had sawed the top half of the dog’s face off! So from the eyes down, there was no top half, and after the scum did this, they simply left the animal to suffer on the Romanian streetsa, until someone with some compassion decided to take it to a vet. Romania for me is a very dark and disturbing country when it comes to animal abuse, and some of the cases that I have recently seen come out of that country are simply horrific.

ONE OF OUR RECENT ARRIVALS Why are some humans capable of inflicting such wicked treatment and pain on dogs, who simply want to live a peaceful life and be

loved? I make it clear to anyone who knows me that I very much prefer the company of animals, rather than humans. I fell such an

PETS CORNER : CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT?

Little Archie is one of many cats and kittens that are being looked after by APAH Animal Rescue. Many of those living in APAH's Cattery have never known the security of a loving home, and they all deserve a chance. If you are looking to adopt a cat, please contact 630 422 563 or 616 210 850

for their first home. Large dogs aren't always scary and these brothers are big softies who only want loving and cuddling. Can you offer one of them a home? To arrange to meet them please call 630 422 563 or 616 210 850.

Three years old Billy(pictured)and Bobby were rescued by APAH Animal Rescue as eight week old puppies and are still looking

ESTRELLA BONNIES PUPS

BILLY AND BOBBY

ARCHIE

one of them their forever sofa? E-mail:- lasthopedogrescue@outlook.com or call 634 065 540

Welcome to some seven week old babies whose mum, Bonnie, is a Papillon mix and they will be small when fully grown. Mum can be seen with her four boys and two girls who will soon be starting there puppy vaccinations in readiness for adoption. Could you give

Estrella is ten years old and is a well behaved girl who came to PEPA’s attention when a vet called to say a hunter had brought her in and wanted to put her down.

We could not let that happen so we took her on. She is a lovely dog that loves being with people and will follow you around or sit with you.

For more information about Estrella please telephone the PEPA helpline on 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail.com Mo is one year old who came to the SAT kennels in Dolores after he had been seen hanging around a

block of apartments for a number of days. He was very timid, thin and hungry, but is now a much happier boy and is fully vaccinated, micro chipped and castrated. This lovely boy would make a super pet so please contact us on 966 710 047 or email info@satanimalrescue.com

MO

incredible peace when I am surrounded by animals. People say that I do great work with animals, but the fact is that they do more for me, than I do for them. They gave me my sanity back, after I was raised in amongst police and violence from a baby.

They have given me a life of tranquility, whereas before my life was a mess.

So when I see animals being abused, it makes me livid and that is putting it extremely mildly. Right now as I write this article, my Border Collie is on a chair in front of my desk, my two German Shepherds are either side of my desk and all of them are simply sleeping, very peacefully. Everything they do in life is run on a network of calm, so why are dogs the subject of so much abuse?

Finally, the last disturbing incident that I saw on video featured a man who got hold of a dog, cut his two front

legs off, skinned him alive and then sat down and saluted the camera with a glass of red wine! I will live out the rest of my days on this earth, rescuing and rehabilitating animals that have been through horrors. My mission is to save as many as I can before i depart this Earth and pay back the peace that dogs have given me. My only wish is that I wish I was not up against sadistic and sick humans, who thrive on torturing these beautiful animals. www.thedogyouneed.com is a registered charity, where we rehabilitate the most severely abused animals.

Our charity registration number is 1157175. If you would be kind enough to donate anything to this special cause you can do by Paypal, where the account details are peter@thedogyouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60-16-03 and the account number is 73754900. When donating via Paypal, can you please choose the option, personal payment or gift. Thank you sincerely from our hearts.

Friday 6th March 2015

13

DISORDER! DISORDER!

Back in 1979, I was given a treat by a newly-elected MP, when I went to the House of Commons for a tour, and also watched Prime Minister’s Question Time, with the new PM, Margaret Thatcher trading blows with the then Leader of the Opposition, Jim Callaghan. Radio broadcasting from the Commons had started four years earlier but seeing this circus for the first time was astonishing, and the behaviour (often sexist) of a lot of the members left a great deal to be desired. 36 years on and very little has changed, despite the presence of TV cameras in the chamber. The recent BBC documentary Inside the Commons revealed just what a wretched place it is and how for a major democracy, it as an institution both as a building and a body that is just not fit for purpose.

Put aside the waste of time and cat-calling that is PM’s Question Time, but we have archaic practices all over the place and MPs that are just happy to tow a party line with little or no principle, and we can easily see through this excellent series how disconnected the folk of Westminster are with ordinary people. Anybody watching this fascinating insight would despair at the party political games that are

played and the frustration of those MPs from all shades of opinion who are prepared to stand up for what they believe in, but are stopped at every turn. No wonder that some of the “old guard” actually wanted the series blocked from doing any filming as it has exposed what I believe is an affront to democracy.

It’s all well and good having the political leaders pontificating on about the great traditions of the Commons, but it

just comes over as an out of date club for gentlemen. No wonder we get so few women MPs with the boorish behaviour, and crucially a programme like this exposes many reasons why it is time for a change. Even a goahead speaker like John Bercow is finding it difficult to sort the mess out, because the House of Commons club will never vote for measures that bring it into the 21st century. How about a chamber that every MP can physically sit in and electronic voting?

It is of little wonder with two months to go before the General Election that so many voters are totally disillusioned with the status quo and the arrogance of the political establishment of not wanting to do anything about it. The perfect example is the House of Lords. People may huff and puff like the Big Bad Wolf, but it is still there as an undemocratic cabal because it suits people with their own agendas for it to continue as it is. So when the established political parties are left scratching their heads as to why UKIP, the Greens, and the Scottish National Party are doing so well, their short-sightedness in not seeing what one of the reasons may be, is just stunning!

14

Friday 6th March 2015

“STING” TACTICS ARE WRONG

How the mighty fall! Two former Foreign Secretaries, Jack Straw and Sir Malcolm Rifkind fell for a trap set by journalists working for the Daily Telegraph and Channel 4´s Dispatches programme.

The undercover reporters had created a fictitious communications agency called PMR, which they said was based in Hong Kong. 12 MPs with "significant outside interests" were invited to apply for jobs with PMR, which had "plenty of money" and wanted to hire "influential British politicians to join its advisory board". Half of those approached didn't respond. One said he wanted to check the company out in Hong Kong so the journalists took it no further. And another said he just wasn't that interested. Obviously, people with as much knowledge and influence as senior politicians are going to be in demand from companies and organisations who want their services - as consultants or after-dinner speakers. Tony Blair is a prime example, earning a fortune from it. But there´s a world of difference from that and using their position to act as a paid advocate for a company, raising questions in the House to aid a particular company or a trade body, for example. What I detest in all this are the tactics from journalists. There are very few people who cannot be bribed in one way or another, even the clergy who should know better fall for it.

It reminds me of that old joke...

MAN: "Can I have sex with you?"

WOMAN: "Not in a million years."

MAN: "I´ll pay you a million pounds."

WOMAN: "Well, if you put it like that, then yes."

MAN: "Now we´ve established what you are, it´s just a question of negotiation."

British MPs are not paid a fortune by today´s standards - and many do have other paid jobs outside parliament.

For most people the motive for working is to make money (unless you are silly enough like me to be president of a community and spend hours of my time for nothing). How many readers would turn down an offer to be a consultant for a company for a five figure sum? I think these kinds of traps set by journalists should be outlawed. It’s almost as reprehensible as telephone tapping. All they have achieved with Rifkind and Straw is to damage the reputations of two prominent people who still had much to give to the country by their expertise.

By all means use every tactic in the book to expose criminality but not to expose people approached to give of their time and expertise for money which is not against the law. There are some people - doctors for one - who have to continue doing some work otherwise would not be able to continue in their careers after leaving parliament. And couldn´t an MP be a newspaper columnist or write a book, for example? And if MPs couldn´t have paid jobs, all you would have as MP's would be career politicians with no experience of the real world, and what a disaster that would be. Finally on

this - that snake in the grass Miliband was very quick to demand that no MP should have outside jobs. But he failed to say anything about MPs being funded by trade

Young Friends Nursery in Hove had been underpaid by £6,700.

Business Minister Jo Swinson said paying less than the minimum wage was illegal,

unions!

The government has just named 70 companies or organisations which have failed to pay their workers the minimum wage - and one of them is a church! It was only a fortnight ago that the Church of England in a 52-page manifesto echoed the Labour party in demanding the introduction of a living wage in the UK - and was then found to have shot itself in the foot because many churches fail even to be paying the UK minimum wage. The worst offender failing to pay the minimum wage was care provider East Midlands Crossroads, which owed £37,500 to 184 workers. About 100 cases in the care sector are being investigated, which the Government calls the "tip of the iceberg".

Delcom Systems in Salisbury owed £11,730 to staff, while the Apostolic Church in London owed £8,300 and workers at the

immoral and completely unacceptable.

"Naming and shaming gives a clear warning to employers who ignore the rules, that they will face reputational consequences as well as financial penalties of up to £20,000 if they don't pay the minimum wage," she said.

All very well, but nowhere near strong enough. What´s needed are draconian fines to take greedy employers out of business. Fines designed to bankrupt a business and an employer would only have to happen once or twice and then the rotten apples in society would be too frightened to exploit staff. The UK Government could do so much to protect the public but it actually does very little. Another classic example are the energy comparison websites which instead of steering people to the cheapest deal are allegedly pointing people to deals backed by the compa-

nies. Here again the government should teach the culprits a lesson they will never forget.

Last week we heard the BBC announce from the rooftops the result of their own survey saying that 68% agreed that acts of violence against those who publish images of Prophet Muhammad can "never be justified". The fact that 68% of Muslims asked did not approve of violence was not the story. The story was that 24% did agree that violence was justified, while the rest replied "don't know" or refused to answer. Almost 80% said they had found it deeply offensive when images depicting the Prophet were published and, most worryingly, 11% felt sympathy for people who want to fight against western interests. What the survey demonstrated so clearly, and which the BBC failed miserably to bring to the public´s attention, was just how many Muslims have sympathy with violent acts.

They may be in the minority, but it represents thousands in the population and is an extremely worrying threat in Britain. It´s no wonder that the UK security services are so concerned.

I´ve written before about the dangers of Britain´s open door policy on immigration and now we can see so clearly how there is much potential trouble just simmering under the surface in a country which is supposed to be one of the most peaceful and tolerant in the world.

It´s no wonder that increasingly Jews are frightened about their future in the UK and are considering moving

to Israel.

How many swear words do you utter every day? If a new survey is correct, then quite a few.

The average Brit uses 14 swear words every day, according to a survey, and with celebrities getting more foul mouthed every day, Brits are getting quite a reputation. If I had used swear words as a kid, I would quickly have had a clip around the ear. Sadly, with the probability that parents are using as many swear words as their offspring, there is far less correction. I recall being on a bus where there was a group of children just out of school and the language was disgusting. It seemed each one of them was trying to outdo the other in the number of expletives. And when they weren´t using swear words, the word 'like' cropped up repeatedly.

It´s just another example of our moral decline and lack of respect for one another and it's very sad.

Finally, don´t tell your wife you don´t love her - it could cost you money! It´s done just that in Turkey, where a man has been fined for telling his wife he did not love her. According to the country´s Supreme Court of Appeal the remark caused her "emotional violence" and had left her "emotionally wrecked". The lower court had been dealing with the couple´s divorce action and both sought compensation from each other for insults passing between them. That court had decided that they were both as bad as each other, but the Appeal Court took a different view after the lack of love remark.

15

Friday 6th March 2015

CHOICES AND DECISIONS

Life is always throwing choices your way, whether it´s something as mundane as what to wear that day through to something more important such as what job to go for or who to begin a relationship with. However sometimes life takes a choice out of your hands and all you can do is deal with the consequences.

As I wrote about a while ago, last summer my son and I adopted some street kittens.

They had been born near our house and the mum cat was very friendly and soon made our house her home. There were four kittens in total, however soon one of them disappeared and then there were three. Eventually mum left, maybe deciding to go and explore the world, and we were left with her baby cats which my son loved taking care of, feeding and petting whenever he got the chance.

However a few months ago, just at the start of winter, the friendliest little one, Blankie, got run over, directly outside our house. He was laid to rest by the side of the house on

some wasteland and after a few tears were shed, life continued. We still had two kittens that were fast growing into beautiful cats. One, a young lady, had become very friendly, starting out slightly nervous she soon overcame any feelings of doubt and would snuggle up to us on the sofa in the evening, keeping warm in front of the fire, however the other one, a young male was more wary.

Many times we tried to get him to come to us for a stroke or a pet, but he wasn´t interested, preferring to hide away between the chairs and just keep warm. However day by day he had recently began to be friendlier. It started with a gentle stroke behind the ears and then he would come up to us for a tickle on his belly or just some show of affection. It was lovely to see the brother and sister together, cleaning each other, lying together in the little house I´d bought them outside and watching them interact, just enjoying each other´s company.

So you can imagine my

horror when I arrived home from shopping one sunny morning last week to find our ginger tom lying on the pavement outside my house. At

had my friend with me and, gently placing him in a blanket, she lifted him up and took him to be with his little sister who had died those few

first I thought he was sunbathing in the warm glow, but as I parked, the reality hit me as some car had obviously hit him. A black mark on his side was the only evidence of the horror that had befallen him and his sister was standing nearby visibly upset. Luckily I

months before.

I know people say that animals aren´t human and of course they´re not, but I think compassion for all living things is what we should show. Anyone who has pets will understand the unconditional love they give you. Pets

don´t ask stupid questions, animals don´t shout at you or come home in a bad mood and take it out on you. Pets just want to be loved, fed and looked after, not so different to us humans after all.

I hope that little Blackie, the last of the kittens survives many more years with us, but she is, and always will be, a street cat, and as such her life expectancy is less than a pet, but as long as she is here she will be loved and looked after, it´s the least any animal deserves. And although I´m sad for our ginger baby, I am not comparing the loss to that of a human. There is little comparison but all I´m saying is that it´s ok to care for all living beings and to be sad when they die.

As another point, whoever was driving the car that killed Ginger must have been travelling too fast. I live in a quiet road, with not a lot of traffic, and therefore I let my son ride his bicycle in the street, I hate to think what would have happened had that car come along when my boy was out there, bearing in mind that

this death happened during the morning. It was at a time when there may have been young children about. It really never fails to surprise me when I see people driving too fast in residential roads. I hope whoever did hit Ginger has felt some remorse for their actions, although I believe this is wishful thinking and maybe they would need to hit a person before thinking about their speed.

Ginger and Blankie, were taken away from us and it was out of our control, but it was in the hands of whoever was driving that car. We make choices. Sometimes we drive too fast because we´re late, or we make a decision because it seems like the only option.

Sometimes life throws hard choices our way. There are times when the decisions aren´t ours but those that are should be thought about. The consequences of a bad choice could live with you for the rest of your life, just as those ones which turn out to be the best thing you ever did.

16

Friday 6th March 2015

Spanish 162

How did you get on with last week´s translations? I hope you managed to get most of them correct as they were regarding what we had just covered, here are the correct translations: Keep an eye on Jack because he´s in the street - echarle un ojo a Jack que está en la calle, in order to get this you have to put in a lot of effort – para conseguir esto hay que echarle ganas , I will pull down the blind – echaré abjajo la persiana, the boys had a nap all afternoon – los chicos se echaron una siesta todo la tarde, the police will stop that car – la policia echará el alto a ese coche, Have you locked the door? – ¿has echado la llave a la puerta?, I miss you – te echo de menos, do you want me to give you a hand? – ¿quieres que te eche una mano? to climb the mountain you have to make an effort - para subir la montaña hay que echarle ganas, I´m going to have a look at the food – Voy a echar un vistazo a la comida, I don´t want to choose, let´s do it in a random way – yo no quiero eligir, vamos a echarlo a suerte.

This week we are going to talk about ´false friends´ that is Spanish words that look like English words but actually mean something different. A lot of false friends are verbs however there are many others, we will start with verbs as these are the ones most people seem to have most problems with.

The first ones I´m going to mention are actual and actualmente, these quite clearly look like the English words actual and actually however they don´t mean these. The meaning in Spanish is current and currently. The words in Spanish for actual and actually are: real and realmente or en realidad.

These are not completely false friends as real can also translate as the English equivalent.The next verb I´m going to look at is: asistir which translates into English as to attend.

The Spanish for assist is ayudar. The Spanish verb atender actually means to pay attention and the way we say attend

in Spanish is, as above asistir! A popular verb is despertar which means to wake up not desperate as it seems which is desesperado. I guess one word that is very common in Spanish yet makes us English speakers a little uncomfortable is molestar due to the word that it sounds like in English, however this Spanish verb means nothing worse than to bother, and as mentioned, it is very commonly used, the actual Spanish word for molest is abuser (sexualmente).

The Spanish verb realizar means to carry out and the Spanish words for to realise are darse cuenta. Recordar means to remember or remind, the Spanish translation of record is grabar. In Spanish if we want to say that we will support someone we use the verb apoyar, and the verb soportar means to put up with!

Now I´m going to cover a few more words with which you have to be careful when speaking or writing in Spanish, some of them can be misconstrued worse than others but in any case it´s important to ensure that you use the correct words when speaking and also when listening, as you don´t want any confusion. Remember, a lot of words that sound like English words actually do mean the same thing, however these false friends will throw you quicker than a bucking bronco! So take time to learn and remember them.

El campo is the countryside, not a camp which is campamento, una carpeta is a folder, not a carpet which is actually called una alfombra, un compromiso is a commitment and a compromise translates as acuerdo. Another very common false friend, especially at this time of year is constipación

which is actually a common cold, the way to say constipation in Spanish should you unfortunately need it, is estreñimiento. I hope you never hear nor need to say the next one, the Spanish word decepción means disappointment, with the Spanish using engaño for the English word deception. If you hear the word disgusto all the person is saying is that they are annoyed or worried, disgust is asco or repugnancia, a favourite with teachers when telling pupils about false friends is the next one, and I´m sure most of you will have remembered it, however, for the few that are still not aware, the word is embarazada which actually means pregnant! So please, unless you really are pregnant never say estoy embarazada, the Spanish for embarrassed is avergonzada, un éxito is a hit or a success, this is heard a lot on the radio when talking about music, the exit is la salida. Una fábrica is a factory and the Spanish call fabric, tela. If you say something is largo be sure that it is long and not large which is grande. If you want to buy a book you will go to the librería however to borrow one you go to la biblioteca. Un nudo is a knot and the word for nude or naked is desnudo. I´m sure a lot of you are aware that una parada is a stop, for example a bus stop, the word for parade is desfile. One word that can be heard quite often is preocupado which means worried, the word for preoccupied is distraído. Some of my young learners get confused at first with the following and it´s an easy mistake to make, the Spanish word sopa is pronounced like soap with an ´a´ but actually means soup, if you want a wash you need to ask for jabón. Finally the Spanish word sensible is another commonly used word and easily mistaken for its´ identically spelt English equivalent, however sensible = sensitive and sensible in English is sensato in Spanish.

I hope you found the above interesting and keep on practising. Next week I´ll be giving you some translations with this weeks´ words, so make sure you study, you want to get good marks after all!

Friday 6th March 2015

17

18

Friday 6th March 2015

Friday 6th March to Thursday 12th March 2015

CAN YOU NAME THESE SPANISH CITIES?

1.

6.

11.

2.

7.

12.

3.

8.

13.

4.

9.

14.

5.

10.

15.

answers in next weeks edition

Last Weeks Answers: 1) Max Alder 2) Max Bowden 3) Max George 4) Max Jacob 5) Mad Max 6) Max Irons 7) Max Factor 8) Max Caulfield 9) Max Bygrave 10) Max Weinberg 11) Max Beesley 12) Maxine Peake 13) Max Wall 14) Max Whitlock 15) Max Branning

TRELI ON THE TELLY with ALEX TRELINSKI

If ITV’s nadir this year was the disgraceful Stars in their Eyes revival, the BBC have excelled themselves with a Sunday stinker created by Matt Lucas called Pompidou.

No wonder it has been buried in a 6.30pm BBC 2 slot! I can only presume it is some kind of a tribute to old silent comedies, but unfortunately for Lucas, people like Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton were actually funny, whilst this was a total embarrassment. Benny Hill four decades ago did silent routines that ticked the funny bone, but this show is virtually devoid of humour.

Lucas plays some kind of eccentric aristocrat called Pompidou who has hit hard times but that also seems to

WHAT A LOAD OF POMPIPOO!

also be the problem with the stories, which feature all the characters mumbling akin to the Flowerpot Men. Barring a funny first minute with a puppet dog that made me laugh, the remainder of this turkey is so bad that I wouldn’t even screen it on the wards of Broadmoor. This garbage comes from the same broadcaster that buried the comedy genius of Count Arthur Strong late on a Tuesday night. Words fail me, but David Walliams must be having a good giggle seeing his former performing partner resorting to such desperation. Do catch Pompidou this Sunday to see how bad it really is. It takes my award for stinker of the year: - so far!

Oh dear, oh dear! Bear Grylls is the latest person to put his career on the line by

joining ITV, and his Friday night show with a bunch of Zlist celebrities being put through meaningless survival challenges is just awful.

Surely Grylls, maker of fine

programmes for the Discovery Channel and Channel Four could not be that desperate for the money? By the way, why does every “challenge”-type

show, be it studio or outdoorbased, feel the need to offer us u p allegedly familiar n a m e s that must eat away heavily at p r o gramme budgets.

F a i r enough for Celeb Big Brother or I’m a Celebrity, but please put a stop to this soon, because viewers don’t really care, as witnessed by the fact that this rubbish called Mission Survive could barely muster

three million UK viewers over the last two Friday nights.

ITV are so desperate that this rubbish is even repeated on a Sunday night!

I’m so pleased that Channel Four have pressed the button and ordered a second series of their Indian Summers drama. It’s richly deserved the kudos, and you are left scratching your head why it, and the fantastic Wolf Hall on BBC 2 have not had the ratings rewards that they deserved. Meanwhile there’s news that Maggie Smith is leaving Downton Abbey in this autumn’s series. Funeral time then, as her character must be aged around 130, unless the whole show is wrapped up after six seasons, which Smith suggested might well be the case.

20

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 6th March to Thursday 12th March

FRIDAY

6th MARCH

00:45 This Week 01:30 Skiing Weatherview 01:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Operation Hospital Food 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 WPC 56 16:00 The Link 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 Inside Out 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Room 101 22:00 The Musketeers 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Family Guy 01:30 Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 02:30 South Side Story 03:00 World's Toughest Jobs 04:00 An Idiot's Guide to Politics 05:00 Close 20:00 Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide 20:15 Doctor Who 21:00 Tough Young Teachers 22:00 Live at the Apollo 22:30 Live at the Apollo 23:00 Russell Howard's Good News 23:30 EastEnders

DON’T MISS

00:15 Weather

00:10 Perspectives 01:10 Jackpot247 00:20 A Cook Abroad 04:00 Tonight 01:20 Panorama 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 01:50 This Is BBC Two 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 05:00 David Starkey's Magna 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine Carta 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 05:30 Schools - Wave World 11:30 This Morning 06:00 Wild Weather with 11:55 ITV News Richard Hammond 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 06:30 Spark 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 07:00 This Is BBC Two 14:30 ITV News and Weather 07:15 Perfection 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 08:00 Seven Wonders of 14:55 ITV News Meridian Brazil 15:00 Judge Rinder 09:00 The Great Antiques Map 16:00 Tipping Point 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather of Britain 17:00 1000 Heartbeats 09:30 Live Athletics 18:00 The Chase 13:00 Daily Politics 19:00 ITV News Meridian 14:00 Live Davis Cup Tennis 19:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Two Tribes 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 19:30 Eggheads 21:00 Barging Round Britain 20:00 Wanted in Paradise with John Sergeant 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Coronation Street 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Bear Grylls: Mission Survive 22:00 Nelson in His Own 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Words Weather 23:00 Let's Play Darts for 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather Comic Relief 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:30 Newsnight 23:40 Gladiator

00:15 Rise of the Continents 01:15 Top of the Pops: 1980 01:50 Sounds of the Eighties 02:15 Wallander 03:45 Saints and Sinners: Britain's Millennium of Monasteries 04:45 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Sounds of the Sixties 21:00 Darcey Bussell's Looking for Audrey 22:00 Boy George and Culture Club: Karma to Calamity 23:00 TOTP2: 80s Special

Missing: Flight MH370 One Year On 21:00 - Channel 5

In March last year, Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 vanished from radar screens while en route from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing and no trace has been found of the aircraft since. In this programme, experts discuss the continuing search for the plane and the latest theories of what went wrong, as well as exploring how the mystery will affect future flights, with safety officials now wanting better satellite tracking systems and black-box data streamed to the ground while an aircraft is flying.

00:20 Mom 01:15 Two and a Half Men 02:05 Scorpion 02:55 Life's Funniest Moments 03:15 Teleshopping 06:45 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 You've Been Framed!

07:25 Psych 08:10 Emmerdale 09:10 You've Been Framed!

09:40 Dinner Date 10:40 Catchphrase 11:25 Psych 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 14:15 You've Been Framed!

14:40 Dinner Date 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Bridget Jones: the Edge of Reason

00:05 The Romanians Are Coming 01:00 Being Bipolar 01:55 NHS: £2billion a Week & Counting 02:50 Dispatches 03:20 Food Unwrapped 03:50 The Supervet 04:45 Location, Location, Location 05:40 Deal or No Deal 06:35 Face the Clock 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Frasier 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 For the Love of Cars 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Come Dine with Me 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Crufts 2015 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 First Dates

00:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 01:15 SuperCasino 04:10 Angry Britain 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 HouseBusters 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:05 Milkshake! Monkey 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Police Interceptors 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:15 Murder among Friends 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Missing: Flight MH370 One Year On 22:00 NCIS: New Orleans 23:00 NCIS 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

00:10 Trial & Retribution 01:15 Lewis 02:55 Judge Judy 03:15 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Fresh Fields 07:25 Hamish Macbeth 08:30 Heartbeat 09:35 Where the Heart Is 10:35 The Royal 11:40 Judge Judy 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:00 Heartbeat 15:05 Where the Heart Is 16:10 The Royal 17:15 Fresh Fields 17:50 Rising Damp 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Agatha Christie's Marple 23:00 Law & Order: UK

00:05 The Killer inside Me 02:15 River Monsters: Untold Stories 03:05 Minder 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 UEFA Champions League Hat-Trick Heroes 07:05 Highway Patrol 07:50 Magnum, PI 08:50 Minder 09:50 Ax Men 10:45 Hogan's Heroes 11:50 Pawn Stars 12:45 Live Darts: UK Open 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Minder 20:00 Live Darts: UK Open

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 6th March to Thursday 12th March

SATURDAY

21

7th MARCH

00:25 Would I Lie to You?

00:00 Artsnight

23:25 BBC News; Weather

Songs of the South

23:45 Match of the Day

23:30 Good Vibrations

02:25 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Bottom Knocker Street 07:35 Dino Dan 08:00 Canimals 08:10 Sooty 08:25 Signed Stories 08:30 Scrambled!

08:35 Nerds & Monsters 08:50 Adventure Time 09:30 Horrid Henry 09:50 Hulk and the Agents of Smash 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 13:25 ITV News and Weather 13:34 ITV Meridian Weather 13:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 14:35 Tipping Point 15:35 Doc Martin 16:35 Secrets from the Sky 17:05 Off Their Rockers 17:35 Big Star's Little Star 18:35 ITV Meridian Weather 18:35 ITV News Meridian 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 You've Been Framed!

20:00 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 21:25 Take Me Out 22:55 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:55 ITV News and Weather

00:55 EastEnders

00:35 Papillon

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:05 Family Guy 01:30 Uncle 02:00 I Survived a Zombie Apocalypse 03:00 South Side Story 03:30 Russell Howard's Good News 04:00 Live at the Apollo 04:30 Live at the Apollo 05:00 Close 20:00 Great TV Mistakes 21:00 Top Gear 22:00 Russell Howard's Good News 22:30 Adventureland

00:00 The New Romantics - A Fine Romance 00:50 Nile Rodgers: The Hitmaker 01:50 Boy George and Culture Club: Karma to Calamity 02:50 TOTP2: 80s Special 03:50 The New Romantics - A Fine Romance 04:40 Close 20:00 The Secret Life of Elephants 21:00 Lost Kingdoms of Central America 22:00 Hostages 22:35 Hostages 23:10 Hostages 23:45 Pompeii: The Mystery of the People Frozen in Time

00:10 Take Me Out 01:25 Take Me Out - The Gossip 02:10 Crazy Beaches 02:40 Royal Pains 03:20 Teleshopping 06:50 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Emmerdale 09:40 Coronation Street 12:10 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 13:35 Catchphrase 14:20 *batteries not included 16:25 You've Been Framed!

17:00 The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement 19:15 Mr Bean's Holiday 21:00 Jurassic Park III 22:55 Take Me Out - The Gossip 23:55 Ibiza Weekender

03:00 Question Time

02:50 Weather for the Week

04:00 This Is BBC Two Ahead

06:55 Lucky Jim

02:55 BBC News

08:30 FA Cup Football

07:00 Breakfast

09:30 Live Athletics 12:30 Animal Park

11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live

13:00 A Taste of Britain 12:30 Mary Berry Cooks 13:30 James Martin's Food 13:00 BBC News; Weather

Map of Britain

13:10 Football Focus

13:40 Talking Pictures

14:00 Live Davis Cup Tennis

14:10 In Which We Serve 16:00 The Great British

17:30 Final Score

Sewing Bee 18:00 BBC News; Regional News 17:00 Gardeners' World and Weather

17:30 Live Athletics

18:20 Match of the Day Live

20:30 How We Got to Now

20:30 The Voice UK

with Steven Johnson 21:30 Dad's Army

22:30 Casualty

22:00 QI 23:15 The National Lottery Live

DON’T MISS

22:30 Reginald D Hunter's

Jurassic Park III 21:00 - ITV 2

Science-fiction adventure starring Sam Neill and William H Macy. Dr Alan Grant is persuaded by a seemingly wealthy couple to accompany them on a sight-seeing flight over the dinosaur-inhabited Isla Sorna.

But he soon discovers that he has been used as a pawn in a game that will once again bring him face to face with the giant reptiles.

00:05 Rude Tube

00:00 Trial & Retribution 01:05 The Count of Monte Cristo 03:20 Wycliffe 04:10 ITV3 Nightscreen 04:40 Emmerdale 07:00 Judge Judy 07:20 Judge Judy 07:40 Judge Judy 08:00 Where the Heart Is 09:10 Where the Heart Is 10:20 Summer Holiday 12:40 The Darling Buds of May 13:50 A Touch of Frost 16:00 Carry On Cowboy 18:00 Agatha Christie's Marple 20:00 Doc Martin 21:00 Foyle's War 23:05 Lewis

01:00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 01:25 Dog Soldiers 03:15 Fargo 04:15 Double Your House for Half the Money 05:10 Location, Location, Location 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 How I Met Your Mother 07:55 Trans World Sport 08:55 The Morning Line 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:30 Frasier 12:30 The Big Bang Theory 14:00 Rude(ish) Tube 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me Extra Portions 19:15 The Simpsons 19:40 Channel 4 News 20:00 Crufts 2015 22:00 Salt

00:45 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 01:15 SuperCasino 04:10 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 HouseBusters 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:20 Angelina Ballerina 07:30 Pip Ahoy!

07:45 The Mr Men Show 07:55 Chloe's Closet 08:05 Olly the Little White Van 08:15 Make Way for Noddy 08:25 Paw Patrol 08:35 Roary the Racing Car 08:45 Little Princess 09:00 Wanda and the Alien 09:10 Zack and Quack 09:30 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:45 Jelly Jamm 10:00 LazyTown 10:30 Dora and Friends 11:00 SpongeBob SquarePants 11:35 Chinese Food in Minutes 11:50 The Hotel Inspector 13:40 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 14:35 Cowboy Builders 15:35 Missing: Flight MH370 One Year On 16:35 Monte Walsh 18:30 5 News Weekend 18:40 Columbo: Candidate for Crime 20:20 NCIS 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 Law & Order

00:00 Cricket World Cup Highlights 01:00 Sports Life Stories 02:00 Benidorm 02:55 River Monsters 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Greatest World Cup Matches 07:15 The Professionals 08:05 Bundesliga Football Highlights 09:05 UEFA Champions League Weekly 09:40 Hogan's Heroes 10:10 Hogan's Heroes 10:45 The Car Chasers 11:40 The Big Fish Off 12:45 Live Darts: UK Open 18:00 Storage Wars 19:00 Storage Wars: Texas 20:00 Live Darts: UK Open

22

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 6th March to Thursday 12th March

SUNDAY

8th MARCH

00:15 National Lottery Update

01:05 Cross of Iron

00:15 Match of the Day

03:15 This Is BBC Two

00:55 The Football League Show

07:10 The Football League

02:15 Charlie & Boots

Show

03:50 Weather for the Week

08:30 Gardeners' World

Ahead

09:00 Countryfile

03:55 BBC News

10:00 FA Cup Football

07:00 Breakfast 08:45 Match of the Day

11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best

09:20 Match of the Day

Bites

10:00 The Andrew Marr Show

12:30 The Great Comic Relief

11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics

Bake Off

13:15 BBC News

13:30 A Taste of Britain

13:25 Songs of Praise

14:00 A Taste of Britain

14:00 Live Davis Cup Tennis 16:35 Bargain Hunt 17:05 Escape to the Country

14:30 Live Athletics 18:35 Natural World

17:50 Pointless Celebrities

19:35 Pompidou

18:35 BBC News; Regional

20:00 The Fifteen Billion

News and Weather

Pound Railway

19:00 The Big Painting 21:00 Top Gear

Challenge 20:00 Countryfile

22:00 Let's Play Darts for

21:00 Call the Midwife

Comic Relief

22:00 Poldark

23:05 The Revolution Will Be

23:00 BBC News; Regional Televised

News and Weather 23:30 Match of the Day 2

23:35 The Hunter

00:10 Family Guy

00:45 TOTP2: 80s Special 01:45 Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe 02:15 Top of the Pops: 1980 02:50 The Secret Life of Elephants 03:50 Lost Kingdoms of Central America 04:50 Close 20:00 The Great War 20:40 Britain's Wild Places 21:00 Royal Television Society Huw Wheldon Memorial Lecture: Public Service Broadcasting - A House of Cards?

21:45 Wild Scotland 22:00 Natural World 23:00 Storyville

02:00 Uncle 02:30 Russell Howard's Good News 03:00 South Side Story 03:30 Sexy Beasts 05:00 Close 20:00 The Voice UK 22:00 Russell Howard's Good News 22:30 Russell Howard's Good News 23:00 I Survived a Zombie Apocalypse

DON’T MISS

The Fifteen Billion Pound Railway 20:00 - BBC TWO

This episode: less tunnelling, more giant Meccano. Plus more brilliant-looking builder’s gear called things like “glulam” and “shotcrete”, which they use to construct stations on London’s new tube line.

Glulam is fancy timber used in the lattice roof of the new Canary Wharf station (designed by Foster and Partners). We see them assembling the beams like the world’s coolest kit, and the result looks at once futuristic and nicely eco, like a kind of space-age conservatory. We also learn how building it required at one stage a load of giant paddling pools.

00:14 ITV Meridian Weather 00:15 Play Misty for Me 02:10 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Bottom Knocker Street 07:35 Dino Dan 08:00 Canimals 08:10 Sooty 08:25 Signed Stories 08:30 Scrambled!

08:35 Nerds & Monsters 08:50 Ultimate Spider-Man 09:30 Horrid Henry 09:50 Deadtime Stories 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 13:35 ITV News and Weather 13:39 ITV Meridian Weather 13:40 Murder, She Wrote 14:40 River Monsters 15:40 Catchphrase 16:25 The Living Daylights 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:30 The Chase 20:30 Off Their Rockers 21:00 All Star Family Fortunes 22:00 Mr Selfridge 23:00 ITV News and Weather 23:14 ITV Meridian Weather 23:15 Bear Grylls: Mission Survive

00:00 Heartbreakers

Countdown

00:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 01:15 SuperCasino 04:10 10,000 BC 05:00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole 05:50 Make It Big 06:15 Angels of Jarm 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:20 Angelina Ballerina 07:30 Pip Ahoy!

07:45 The Mr Men Show 07:55 Chloe's Closet 08:05 Olly the Little White Van 08:10 Make Way for Noddy 08:25 Roary the Racing Car 08:35 Paw Patrol 08:50 Little Princess 09:00 Wanda and the Alien 09:10 Zack and Quack 09:25 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:35 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:45 Jelly Jamm 10:05 LazyTown 10:30 Dora and Friends 11:00 SpongeBob SquarePants 11:35 The Dog Rescuers 12:00 The Hotel Inspector 14:55 The Reef 16:25 Open Season 2 17:55 Mulan 19:35 5 News Weekend 19:40 Hitch 22:00 21 Jump Street

00:55 The Keith Lemon Sketch Show 01:20 Reality Bites 02:05 Crazy Beaches 02:30 Hell's Kitchen USA 03:15 Fake Reaction 03:50 Teleshopping 06:50 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:20 Emmerdale 10:00 Coronation Street 12:30 Take Me Out 14:00 Take Me Out - The Gossip 15:00 You've Been Framed!

15:30 Scorpion 16:25 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 17:50 The Smurfs 19:55 Freaky Friday 22:00 Ibiza Weekender 23:00 The Keith Lemon Sketch Show 23:30 American Pie Presents the Naked Mile

01:10 A Touch of Frost 03:10 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Judge Judy 07:20 Countrywise 08:20 Carry On Cowboy 10:15 Heartbeat 11:15 Heartbeat 12:20 Rosemary & Thyme 13:20 A Touch of Frost 15:30 Jane Eyre 17:40 Agatha Christie's Marple 19:45 Inspector Morse 22:00 Sunday Night at the Palladium 23:00 Birds of a Feather 23:30 City Lights

00:00 Cricket World Cup Highlights 01:00 Buried 03:00 Hogan's Heroes 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 UEFA Champions League Greatest Finals 07:15 The Professionals 09:05 Ax Men 10:00 Hogan's Heroes 11:05 Pawn Stars 13:45 Live Darts: UK Open 18:00 Storage Wars 18:30 Storage Wars 19:00 The Big Fish Off 20:00 Live Darts: UK Open

02:20 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA 03:10 Hollyoaks 05:15 Hugh's 3 Good Things: Best Bites 05:30 Double Your House for Half the Money 06:25 Location, Location, Location 07:20 How I Met Your Mother 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 Amazing Spaces Shed of the Year 14:30 The Big Bang Theory 15:55 Bride Wars 17:40 Location, Location, Location 18:40 Channel 4 News 19:05 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 20:00 Crufts 2015 22:00 Indian Summers 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 6th March to Thursday 12th March

MONDAY

23

9th MARCH

23:45 Panorama

00:15 Premiership Rugby Union 02:30 Countryfile 01:05 The Store 03:25 Holby City 03:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 04:25 This Is BBC Two USA 07:05 Perfection 04:10 ITV Nightscreen 07:50 Homes Under the Hammer 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 08:50 An Island Parish 09:30 Lorraine 09:20 Countryside 999 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:05 Celebrity Antiques Road 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News Trip 11:05 The Great Antiques Map of 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning Britain 13:30 Loose Women 11:35 Click 14:30 ITV News and Weather 12:00 BBC News 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 12:30 BBC World News 15:00 Judge Rinder 13:00 Daily Politics 16:00 Tipping Point 14:00 The A to Z of TV Gardening 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 14:15 Skeleton 17:00 1000 Heartbeats 18:00 The Chase 15:45 Triathlon 16:45 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 17:15 Three Up, Two Down 20:00 Emmerdale 17:45 Hi-de-Hi! 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Tales from 18:15 Flog It! Northumberland with Robson 19:00 Two Tribes Green 19:30 Eggheads 21:30 Coronation Street 20:00 Top Gear 22:00 Arthur & George 21:00 University Challenge 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 21:30 Only Connect 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 22:00 A Cook Abroad 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:00 House of Fools 23:40 Cricket World Cup 23:30 Newsnight Highlights

00:00 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:05 Family Guy 01:30 I Survived a Zombie Apocalypse 02:30 Uncle 03:00 South Side Story 03:30 Sexy Beasts 05:00 Close 20:00 Snog, Marry, Avoid?

20:30 Don't Tell the Bride 21:30 Waterloo Road 22:30 Live at the Apollo 23:00 Bluestone 42 23:30 Russell Howard's Good News

00:00 Bright Days Ahead 01:30 Boy George and Culture Club: Karma to Calamity 02:30 Nile Rodgers: The Hitmaker 03:30 The New Romantics - A Fine Romance 04:20 Sounds of the Eighties 04:50 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys 21:00 Horizon 22:00 Horizon 23:00 Storyville

00:05 The Apprentice USA 02:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:15 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 The Legalizer 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 WPC 56 16:00 The Link 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Match of the Day Live 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather

DON’T MISS

01:10 Howl

Panorama WHAT BRITAIN WANTS: SOMEWHERE TO LIVE 23:45 - BBC ONE

As the General Election approaches, Mariella Frostrup presents the second of four editions investigating whether modern-day Britain is up to the task of delivering on the things that have traditionally defined `good living'. The film focuses on homes and housing, including access to private, social and rented accommodation.

01:40 Mom 02:05 Mom 02:30 Crazy Beaches 02:55 Life's Funniest Moments 03:15 Teleshopping 06:45 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 Psych 08:10 Emmerdale 08:40 Coronation Street 09:40 Dinner Date 10:40 Catchphrase 11:20 Psych 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:40 Coronation Street 14:40 Dinner Date 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Mom 23:00 Rush Hour

00:05 New Moon 02:25 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA 03:20 Come Dine with Me 05:40 River Cottage 06:05 Location, Location, Location 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Frasie 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Three in a Bed 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Come Dine with Me 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Dispatches 21:30 Food Unwrapped 22:00 The Billion Pound Hotel 23:00 NHS: £2billion a Week & Counting

00:15 Dodgeball: a True Underdog Story 02:05 SuperCasino 04:10 The Gadget Show 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Make It Big 06:15 Angels of Jarm 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Milkshake! Monkey 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Benidorm ER 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Burden of Evil 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Cats Make You Laugh Out Loud 22:00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole 23:00 10,000 BC

00:35 03:20 04:10 04:30 04:40 07:00 07:10 07:35 08:35 09:40 10:40 11:40 13:00 14:00 15:05 16:10 17:15 17:45 18:15 18:50 19:55 20:55 22:00 23:00

00:00 Cricket World Cup Highlights 01:00 Sports Life Stories 02:00 River Monsters: Untold Stories 03:00 Timshel 03:55 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 UEFA Champions League Greatest Matches 07:10 Highway Patrol 08:00 Magnum, PI 09:00 Minder 10:00 Ax Men 11:00 Hogan's Heroes 12:05 Magnum, PI 13:05 The Professionals 14:05 Highway Patrol 15:05 Ax Men 16:00 The Car Chasers 17:00 Hogan's Heroes 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Minder 20:00 Premiership Rugby Union 21:00 Storage Wars 22:00 Storage Wars: Texas 23:00 Ax Men

Chaplin Perspectives Judge Judy ITV3 Nightscreen Emmerdale Movies Now Fresh Fields Hamish Macbeth Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal Judge Judy Murder, She Wrote Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal Fresh Fields Rising Damp On the Buses Heartbeat Murder, She Wrote Wycliffe Long Lost Family Law & Order: UK

24

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 6th March to Thursday 12th March

TUESDAY

10th MARCH

00:15 Waterloo Road 01:15 The Graham Norton Show 02:00 What Just Happened?

03:35 Weather for the Week Ahead 03:40 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 The Legalizer 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 WPC 56 16:00 The Link 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:45 Kids in Camps

00:00 01:40 02:30 02:55 03:30 07:00 07:25 08:30 09:35 10:40 11:40 12:05 12:35 13:00 14:00 15:05 16:10 17:15 17:50 18:20 18:55 20:00 21:00 23:00

Wire in the Blood The Royal Judge Judy ITV3 Nightscreen Teleshopping Fresh Fields Hamish Macbeth Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal Judge Judy Judge Judy Judge Judy Murder, She Wrote Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal Fresh Fields Rising Damp On the Buses Heartbeat Murder, She Wrote Midsomer Murders Law & Order: UK

DON’T MISS

00:15 Weather 00:20 Horizon 01:20 Inside the Commons 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools - The Women of World War One 05:30 Schools - Divine Women 06:00 Schools - True Stories 07:05 Perfection 07:50 Homes Under the Hammer 08:50 An Island Parish 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Super Cute Animals 11:05 The Great Antiques Map of Britain 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:05 The Super League Show 14:50 The World at War 15:45 Frozen Planet 16:45 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 17:15 Three Up, Two Down 17:45 Hi-de-Hi! 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Two Tribes 19:30 Eggheads 20:00 Nature's Weirdest Events 21:00 Natural World 22:00 Horizon

00:40 The Jonathan Ross Show 01:40 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Tipping Point 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 1000 Heartbeats 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 UEFA Champions League Highlights

00:00 24 Hours in A&E 01:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA 01:55 The Secret Millionaire 02:50 The Fairy Jobmother USA 03:45 Four Rooms 04:40 Location, Location, Location 05:40 Deal or No Deal 06:30 Face the Clock 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Three in a Bed 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Jamie's 15 Minute Meals 13:35 Channel 4 Racing 17:20 Couples Come Dine with Me 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Mary Portas: Secret Shopper 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 The Kids Who Can't Stay Awake

00:00 The Fugitive 02:30 SuperCasino 04:10 Killer Psychopaths 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Great Scientists 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:10 Milkshake! Bop Box 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Milkshake! Monkey 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Cowboy Builders 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 A Woman Betrayed 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Benidorm ER 22:00 The Benefits Estate 23:00 Chicago PD

00:00 Saints and Sinners:

01:05 01:55 02:45 03:25 06:55 07:00 07:25 08:10 08:40 09:40 10:40 11:20 12:15 13:10 13:40 14:40 15:40 19:00 21:00 22:00 23:00

00:00 01:40 02:30 02:55 03:30 07:00 07:25 08:30 09:35 10:40 11:40 13:00 14:00 15:05 16:10 17:15 17:50 18:20 18:55 20:00 21:00 23:00

00:00 Bundesliga Football Highlights 01:00 Premiership Rugby Union 02:00 Sports Life Stories 02:50 River Monsters 03:45 Movies Now 03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Hogan's Heroes 07:25 Highway Patrol 08:05 Magnum, PI 09:05 Minder 10:10 Ax Men 11:05 Hogan's Heroes 12:05 Magnum, PI 13:05 The Professionals 14:05 Highway Patrol 15:05 Ax Men 16:00 The Car Chasers 17:00 Hogan's Heroes 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Minder 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 World Rally Championship Highlights 22:00 Benidorm 23:00 Sports Life Stories

Britain's Millennium of Monasteries 01:00 Rise of the Continents 02:00 Wallander 03:30 Horizon 04:30 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys 21:00 Doris Day: Virgin Territory 22:00 Sex, Lies and Love Bites: The Agony Aunt Story 23:00 Inside Claridge's

One Born Every Minute 22:00 CHANNEL 4

The documentary returns from a new location, capturing daily life in Liverpool Women's Hospital, home to the largest maternity unit in Europe. Gary, 48, tries to keep his 41-year-old partner Yvonne smiling through her contractions, while 25-year-old Jennifer and 26-year-old Darran support each other through a difficult labour. The couple were told at their 20-week scan that their baby daughter had a heart defect, but it will not be until the birth that they know how badly it might affect her.

Two and a Half Men The Vampire Diaries Royal Pains Teleshopping ITV2 Nightscreen Life's Funniest Moments Psych Emmerdale Coronation Street Dinner Date Catchphrase Psych Royal Pains Emmerdale Coronation Street Dinner Date The Jeremy Kyle Show You've Been Framed!

Dinner Date Hell's Kitchen USA Ibiza Weekender

Wire in the Blood The Royal Judge Judy ITV3 Nightscreen Teleshopping Fresh Fields Hamish Macbeth Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal Judge Judy Murder, She Wrote Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal Fresh Fields Rising Damp On the Buses Heartbeat Murder, She Wrote Midsomer Murders Law & Order: UK

25

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 6th March to Thursday 12th March

WEDNESDAY

11th MARCH

00:40 Hollywoodland 02:35 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:40 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 The Legalizer 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 WPC 56 16:00 The Link 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 MasterChef 21:30 EastEnders 22:00 The People's Strictly for Comic Relief 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:45 A Question of Sport

00:15 Weather 00:20 Suffragettes Forever!

The Story of Women and Power 01:20 Italy Unpacked 02:20 This Is BBC Two 04:55 Schools: Ten Pieces 05:45 Kick Sum Maths 06:15 Literacy Text Types: The Facts About Non-Fiction 06:45 Guin and the Dragon 07:00 Perfection 07:45 Homes Under the Hammer 08:45 An Island Parish 09:15 Countryside 999 10:00 Eat Well for Less?

11:00 The Great Antiques Map of Britain 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:05 Cagney & Lacey 14:50 The World at War 15:45 Frozen Planet 16:45 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 17:15 Three Up, Two Down 17:45 Hi-de-Hi! 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Two Tribes 19:30 Eggheads 20:00 Nature's Weirdest Events 21:00 Suffragettes Forever!

The Story of Women and Power 22:00 This World 23:00 Rhod Gilbert's Work Experience

00:40 Carry On - Don't Lose Your Head 02:15 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Tipping Point 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 1000 Heartbeats 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Big Star's Little Star 22:00 DCI Banks 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:45 Pop Gold

00:00 First Dates 01:00 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 01:50 Poker 02:50 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:15 Trans World Sport 04:10 Secret Location 05:10 Location, Location, Location 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Three in a Bed 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Jamie's 15 Minute Meals 13:35 Channel 4 Racing 17:20 Couples Come Dine with Me 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Location, Location, Location 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 First Dates

00:00 Chicago PD 00:55 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 01:55 SuperCasino 04:10 Farage Fans & UKIP Lovers 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Great Scientists 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:10 Milkshake! Bop Box 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Milkshake! Monkey 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Britain's Biggest Primary School 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: New Orleans 16:15 Finding a Family 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Filming My Father: In Life and Death 21:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 22:00 My Violent Child 23:00 The 16-Year-Old Baby

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Family Guy 01:30 Uncle 02:00 World's Toughest Jobs 03:00 Bluestone 42 03:30 I Survived a Zombie Apocalypse 04:30 Uncle 05:00 Close 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 World's Toughest Jobs 22:00 Live at the Apollo 22:30 Live at the Apollo 23:00 Stop Cutting Our Girls: A Comic Relief Special

00:00 Natural World

00:00 Reality Bites 00:45 The Keith Lemon Sketch Show 01:15 Two and a Half Men 02:05 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 02:30 Royal Pains 03:15 Teleshopping 06:45 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 Psych 08:10 Emmerdale 08:40 You've Been Framed!

09:40 Dinner Date 10:40 Catchphrase 11:20 Psych 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:40 The Cube 14:40 Dinner Date 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 The Vampire Diaries 23:00 I Am Legend

00:00 Wire in the Blood 01:35 Wycliffe 02:30 The Royal 03:20 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Fresh Fields 07:25 Hamish Macbeth 08:30 Heartbeat 09:35 Where the Heart Is 10:40 The Royal 11:40 Judge Judy 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:00 Heartbeat 15:05 Where the Heart Is 16:10 The Royal 17:15 French Fields 17:50 Rising Damp 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 19:55 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Rosemary & Thyme 22:00 Paul O'Grady's Animal Orphans 23:00 Law & Order: UK

00:00 Cricket World Cup Highlights 01:00 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas 03:10 Hogan's Heroes 03:35 Movies Now 03:45 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Hogan's Heroes 07:25 Highway Patrol 08:05 Magnum, PI 09:05 Minder 10:05 Ax Men 11:05 Hogan's Heroes 12:05 Magnum, PI 13:05 The Professionals 14:05 Highway Patrol 15:05 Ax Men 16:00 Pawn Stars 16:55 Hogan's Heroes 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Minder 20:00 River Monsters 21:00 The Big Fish Off 22:00 Storage Wars 23:00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

DON’T MISS

01:00 Horizon 02:00 Doris Day: Virgin Territory 03:00 Hidden Killers 04:00 Sex, Lies and Love Bites: The Agony Aunt Story 05:00 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys 21:00 Timeshift 22:00 Timeshift 23:00 In & Out of the Kitchen 23:30 Top of the Pops: 1978

Rhod Gilbert's Work Experience 23:00 - BBC TWO

Rhod trains to become a fighter pilot with the RAF, which is quite possibly his toughest and most frightening work experience yet, as the closest he has got to a jet up until now is watching Top Gun. His fears are realised when it comes to his final challenge - co-piloting on an exercise. Last in the series.

26

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 6th March to Thursday 12th March

THURSDAY

12th MARCH

00:15 Formula 1 01:25 Shifty 02:50 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:55 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 The Legalizer 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 WPC 56 16:00 The Link 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 MasterChef 21:00 EastEnders 22:00 Comic Relief: Operation Health 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:45 Question Time

00:15 Weather 00:20 Horizon 01:20 See Hear 01:50 Suffragettes Forever!

The Story of Women and Power 02:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Black Roses: The Killing of Sophie Lancaster 05:45 Dad 06:00 The Quest for Bannockburn 06:30 Schools - William Whiskerson: Island, Farm, City 07:05 Perfection 07:50 Homes Under the Hammer 08:50 Animal Park 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Great British Garden Revival 11:05 The Great Antiques Map of Britain 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Gardening 14:05 Cagney & Lacey 14:50 The World at War 15:45 Frozen Planet 16:45 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 17:15 Three Up, Two Down 17:45 Hi-de-Hi! 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Two Tribes 19:30 Eggheads 20:00 Nature's Weirdest Events 21:00 The Great British Sewing Bee 22:00 Banished 23:00 Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe 23:30 Newsnight

00:00 EastEnders 00:30 Family Guy 00:50 Family Guy 01:15 American Dad! 01:40 Family Guy 02:00 Bluestone 42 02:30 Stop Cutting Our Girls: A Comic Relief Special 03:30 Uncle 04:00 Stop Cutting Our Girls: A Comic Relief Special 05:00 Close 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Free Speech 22:00 Fighting the System 23:00 EastEnders

00:20 Storyville

DON’T MISS

00:45 Brits Icon: Elton John 02:00 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Tipping Point 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 1000 Heartbeats 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:45 Emmerdale 20:45 Live UEFA Europa League Football 23:10 ITV News and Weather 23:40 ITV Meridian Weather 23:40 ITV News Meridian 23:55 The Great War: The People's Story

01:05 Two and a Half Men 01:55 The Vampire Diaries 01:45 Horizon 02:45 Royal Pains 02:45 Narnia's Lost Poet: The 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Life's Funniest Secret Lives and Loves of CS Moments 07:25 Psych Lewis 08:10 Emmerdale 08:40 Coronation Street 03:45 Inside Claridge's 09:10 You've Been Framed!

09:40 Dinner Date 04:45 Close 10:40 Catchphrase 20:00 World News Today 11:20 Psych 12:15 Royal Pains 20:30 Top of the Pops: 1980 13:10 Emmerdale 13:40 Coronation Street 21:00 Could We Survive a 14:15 You've Been Framed!

14:40 Dinner Date Mega-Tsunami?

19:00 You've Been Framed!

22:00 India's Frontier 21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Scorpion Railways 23:00 The Keith Lemon Sketch Show 23:00 Timeshift 23:30 Reality Bites

Could We Survive a MegaTsunami?

21:00 - BBC FOUR

You see, regular tsunamis (or tidal waves, as we used to know them) are caused by ocean-floor earthquakes. They can, of course, cause colossal damage and loss of life. But a so-called mega-tsumani is different – caused by the kind of landslide you get when part of a volcanic island (such as La Palma in the Canaries, potentially) collapses into the sea. The resulting waves could be the height of two Empire State Buildings and travel at the speed of a jet aircraft. Run for the hills!

00:00 Underage and Gay 01:00 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 01:50 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA 02:45 The Fairy Jobmother USA 03:35 The Darjeeling Limited 05:10 Location, Location, Location 06:05 Four Rooms 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Three in a Bed 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Jamie's 15 Minute Meals 13:35 Channel 4 Racing 17:20 Couples Come Dine with Me 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Supervet 22:00 Cucumber 23:00 Gogglebox

00:00 02:10 03:00 03:30 07:00 07:25 08:30 09:35 10:40 11:40 13:00 14:00 15:05 16:10 17:15 17:50 18:20 18:55 19:55 20:55 23:00

Cracker Northern Lights ITV3 Nightscreen Teleshopping French Fields Hamish Macbeth Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal Judge Judy Murder, She Wrote Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal French Fields Rising Damp On the Buses Heartbeat Murder, She Wrote Foyle's War Law & Order: UK

00:00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole 01:00 The Benefits Estate 02:00 SuperCasino 04:10 The Classic Car Show 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Missing: Flight MH370 One Year On 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:10 Cedar Cove 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Classic Car Show 21:00 Britain's Worst Crimes 22:00 Holiday Love Rats Exposed 23:00 The Mentalist 23:55 Castle

00:00 Jaws III 02:00 The Killer inside Me 03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Hogan's Heroes 07:25 Highway Patrol 08:10 Magnum, PI 09:10 Minder 10:10 Ax Men 11:05 Hogan's Heroes 12:10 Magnum, PI 13:10 The Professionals 14:10 Highway Patrol 15:00 Ax Men 15:55 River Monsters 17:00 Hogan's Heroes 18:00 Motorway Patrol 18:30 UEFA Europa League Live 21:00 River Monsters 22:00 The Chase 23:00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

Friday 6th March 2015

27

28

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 6th March to Thursday 12th March

CODE CRACKER

Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 12 represents Z and 11 represents D, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Frightened (6) 4 Cower in fear (6) 9 Military toilet (7) 10 Teacher (5) 11 Female horse (4) 12 Everyday (8) 13 Articulate (3) 14 Choose (5) 16 Marsh plant (5) 17 Motor vehicle (3) 19 Small house (8) 20 Flexible containers (4) 23 Go up (5) 24 Law (7) 25 Small lump of precious metal (6) 26 Surfeit (6)

1 Serious (6) 2 Change (5) 3 Wicked (4) 5 Salesman (8) 6 Nought (7) 7 Mistake (5) 8 Rot (5) 12 Plump (3) 13 Clamber (8) 15 Touchdown (7) 16 Cutting tool (3) 17 Thicket (5) 18 Evaluate (6) 19 Cured pig meat (5) 21 Severe (5) 22 Tailless breed of cat (4)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Bill, 4 Pillar, 9 Abstain, 10 Shake, 11 Obeys, 12 Survive, 13 Satiny, 15 Scream, 19 Furious, 21 Messy, 23 React, 24 Examine, 25 Joined, 26 Deed.

Down: 2 Issue, 3 Liaison, 4 Punish, 5 Loser, 6 Avarice, 7 Famous, 8 Fete, 14 Tornado, 16 Command, 17 Mayhem, 18 Ascend, 19 Firm, 20 Often, 22 Slime.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 There is some witty repartee as Bob leaves the fencing game (8) 5 Almost grasped the snake (3) 8 Ross leaves incorrect square roots and forms a great circle (7) 9 A halo used as a greeting (5) 10 Secure available link (32) 11 Mr Defoe wrote about emancipation (7) 12 Small boat looking dingy round opening of harbour (6) 14 No! I’d go out with a Roman Catholic - a Scandinavian one (6) 17 Flexible, responsible party leader comes first (7) 18 Apostle reveals parsimoniousness (5) 20 Honourable tie formed with church (5) 21 Repaired cool van on a fiery mountain (7)

22 Finish off Arthurian legend (3) 23 "A donkey, your Majesty!" Ted declared (8) Down 1 Seized from desert women (7) 2 Rogue changed my makeup (5) 3 Postman pillion passenger gets a sign of approval (3,2,3,4) 4 Present day dispute is like a boat without a rudder (6) 5 Snubbed a vacant journalist (7) 6 Song performed by little Sally in the afternoon (5) 7 Nice girl? (12) 13 Cried like a horse, heeding freak (7) 15 Agreement in New Hampshire (7) 16 Skips pages (6) 17 Sound of harmony in musical composition (5) 19 Intended to be heard at the closing of Parliament (5)

Down STANDARD CLUES 1 Seized by force (7) Across 1 Witty repartee (8) 2 Cosmetic powder (5) 5 Venomous snake (3) 3 Expression of approval 8 Imaginary line around the (3,2,3,4) Earth (7) 4 At sea (6) 9 Hawaiian greeting (5) 5 Dodged (7) 10 Connection (3-2) 6 Religious song (5) 11 Liberty (7) 12 Small, open boat (6) 7 Young French woman 14 From Scandinavia (6) (12) 17 Easily bent (7) 13 Whinnied like a horse (7) 18 Zealous Apostle (5) 15 Agreement (7) 20 Moral principle (5) 16 Departs (6) 21 Erupting mountain (7) 17 Fragment (5) 22 Finale (3) 19 Intended (5) 23 Declared (8) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Oral, 4 Datum, 9 Acton, 10 Lorelei, 11 Scrooge, 12 Flash, 13 Resist, 15 Isobar, 18 Yodel, 20 Aspired, 23 Liberal, 24 Aloof, 25 Trout, 26 Oven.

Down: 2 Retorts, 3 Lento, 4 Delves, 5 Tariffs, 6 Malta, 7 Lass, 8 Cipher, 13 Royals, 14 Salerno, 16 Bar none, 17 Ballet, 19 Debut, 21 Piano, 22 Daft.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words By Hi 3 letter words Ark Lee Mat Red Ted Tot Use Van 4 letter words Able Acne Aery

Alee Alit Aloe Arty Bawl Boar Cola Cult Dyne Erie Gasp Knee Lint Oboe Onto Peps Rare Rein Rest Rota

Sale Salt Scot Self Semi Silt Sold Tear Tone 5 letter words Cards Cocoa Cooly Count Crimp Emote Fated Forte

Halve Infer Koala Llama Maned Perky Poesy Polar Rants Ruler Sales Sally Salon Satay Scrub Skate Solve Start Tilde Tutor

6 letter words Garner Mantis Scrams Silent Silver Spoils Strike Tailor 8 letter words Easterly Sundress 9 letter words Velveteen Woodlouse

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Agosto (6) 4 Salsas (6) 9 Almirante (7) 10 Derramar (líquido) (5) 11 Key (door) (5) 12 German (f) (7) 13 Three hundred (11) 18 Boil (swelling) (7) 20 Dose (of medicine) (5) 22 Western (side, part) (5) 23 Desnudar (7) 24 Spit (roast) (6) 25 Goma de borrar (6)

Down 1 Kind (nice) (6) 2 Prawn (5) 3 Calles (7) 5 Nave (de iglesia) (5) 6 Watch out! (7) 7 Chairs (6) 8 Apricot (11) 14 Magazine (journal) (7) 15 Swimmer (7) 16 Language (6) 17 Adviser (6) 19 January (5) 21 Semillas (5)

29

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 6th March to Thursday 12th March Across 1 Which adjective means ‘lying face upwards’? (6) 4 What name was given to the1980s policy of the Soviet Union under leader Mikhail Gorbachev to allow more government transparency?

(8) 9 What name is given to a place where bees are kept or a collection of beehives?

(6) 10 Which small, slender parrot has a predominantly green plumage and a long tail? (8) 12 Which city in northern Pakistan at the eastern end of the Khyber Pass is the capital of North-West Frontier Province? (8) 13 What was the surname of the American inventor whose inventions include automatic telegraph systems, the carbon microphone for telephones, the phonograph and the carbon filament lamp? (6) 15 Which wild cat with yellowish-brown fur, a short tail, and tufted ears, is found chiefly in the northern latitudes of North America and Eurasia? (4) 16 What name is usually given to the distinctive heraldic bearings or shield of

a person, family, corporation or country? (4,2,4) 19 Which instrument is used for measuring and recording the speed of the wind? (10) 20 Which Roman poet is particularly known for his elegiac love poems such as the Amores and the Ars Amatoria and for the Metamorphoses, a hexametric epic that retells Greek and Roman myths? (4) 23 Which slender, straight, sharply pointed sword (double-edged, single-edged or edgeless) is used for thrusting? (6) 25 What name is given to a thin flat piece of plastic, tortoiseshell or other slightly flexible material that is held by or worn on the fingers and used to pluck the strings of a musical instrument such as a guitar? (8) 27 Which large city, the capital of Belgium, is the seat of the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation? (8) 28 According to the Old Testament of The Bible, what was the name of the youth who was taken into the court of Nebuchadnezzar and given divine protection when thrown into a den of lions?

(6)

SUDOKU (Very Easy)

29 What name is often given to the feet of pigs, especially

Down

ones used as food? (8) 30 What name is given to the central supporting pillars of spiral or winding staircases? (6)

1 The name of which knife with a small, sharp, sometimes detachable blade, as used by a surgeon, is derived from the Latin for ‘to

scratch’? (7) 2 Meaning ‘powerful’ in French, what is the name of the high-jump competition in the equestrian sport of show jumping? (9) 3 Oslo is the capital of which mountainous European country on the northern and western coastline of Scandinavia? (6) 5 What was the surname of the 19th century English artist, illustrator, author and poet who is best known for his literary nonsense in poetry and prose and especially his limericks? (4) 6 The name of which position in rugby can also mean a deadlock between two equally matched opponents in a dispute or conflict? (8) 7 What was the surname of the American athlete, who, in 1935 equalled or broke six world records in 45 minutes, and in 1936 won four gold medals at the Olympic Games in Berlin? (5) 8 Which bacterial disease is marked by rigidity and spasms of the voluntary muscles? (7) 11 Which sword-like stabbing blade can be fixed to the muzzle of a rifle for use in hand-to-hand fighting? (7) 14 Desdemona is the wife of

which famous Shakespeare character? (7) 17 Opened in 1995, the home ground of Middlesbrough F C is known as the [What] Stadium? (9) 18 Sir Viv Richards and Sir Ian Botham, both played cricket for which English county between 1974 and 1986? (8) 19 What name is often given to an entertainer who performs spectacular gymnastic feats? (7) 21 ‘I love the way you walk. I love the way you walk’ are the first lines of which song written and recorded by blues singer-songwriter John Lee Hooker in 1956?

(7) 22 Which animated film series franchise, first released in 2002, shares its name with the series of glacial episodes during the Pleistocene period? (3,3) 24 Which small planetary body orbiting the Sun, was discovered in 1930 by Clyde Tombaugh? (5) 26 Musicians Damon Albarn, Graham Coxon, Alex James and Dave Rowntree formed which alternative rock band in London in 1988? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

EN CASA -AT HOME

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

el balcón

la cama

el cajón

la cortina

el cuarto

la lámpara

el espejo

la llave

el fregadero

la maceta

el grifo

la pared

el jardín

la plancha

el lavabo

la sabana

el mueble

la ventana

music QUIZ

ANSEWRS: 1. Meatloaf (Bat Out Of Hell and Bat Out Of Hell 2) 2.

Dueted With Their Daughters 3. Rolf Harris 4. FALSE 5.

The Colourfield 6. Antonio Banderas 7. Sideshow 8.

Perfect Day 9. Lionel Ritchie & Diana Ross

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Lactic, 5 Carapace, 9 Lifebelt, 10 Corona, 11 Whitehorse, 12 Hook, 13 Hangover, 16 Shekel, 17 Ostler, 19 Chrétien, 21 Vine, 22 Sutherland, 25 Haredi, 26 Aperitif, 27 Genetics, 28 Schism.

Down: 2 Amish, 3 Trent, 4 Chekhov, 5 Caterer, 6 Rickets, 7 Parchment, 8 Congolese, 14 Aestivate, 15 Goldeneye, 18 Rossini, 19 Cutlass, 20 Reefers, 23 Leigh, 24 Nails

la bañera Empareja estas palabras - Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.el balcón, 2.el cajón,

17.la plancha, 18.la sabana,

l.the draw, m.the bath, n.the key,

3.el cuarto, 4.el espejo,

19.la ventana.

o.the bed, p.the furniture, q.the tap, r.the wash basin,

5.el fregadero, 6.el grifo, 7.el jardín, 8.el lavabo,

a.the window, b.the lamp,

9.el mueble, 10.la bañera,

c.the room, d.the sink,

11.la cama, 12.la cortina,

e.the plant pot, f.the curtain,

13.la lámpara, 14.la llave,

g.the mirror, h.the balcony,

15.la maceta, 16.la pared,

i.the wall, j.the sheet, k.the iron,

Soduko

Span - Eng

Quizword

s.the garden.

Answers: 1h, 2l, 3c, 4g, 5d, 6q, 7s, 8r, 9p, 10m, 11o, 12f, 13b, 14n, 15e, 16i, 17k, 18j, 19a.

1. Who Has Both The Top Two Best Selling Heavy Metal Albums Of All Time In The UK? 2. What Connects UK Number One Singles For Ozzy Osbourne And Frank Sinatra In 2003 And 1967 Respectively?

3. 1970's Super Group Led Zeppelin Recorded 'Stairway To Heaven'' But Who Had An Unexpected Hit With In During The 1990's?

4. True Or False Gary Numan Used To Be A Member Of Kraftwerk?

5. Terry Hall Of Fun Boy Three Later Formed A New Band Was It Called The Colourbox Or The Colourfield?

6. Who Played Che Guevara In The Film Version Of Evita?

7. What Was Jamaican Singer Barry Biggs Highest Entry Making No.3 In 1976?

8. Which Charity Single Was A UK Number One Hit For 'Various Artists' In 1997?

9. Which Soul Pairing Duetted On 'Endless Love' In 1981?

Fill It In

30

Friday 6th March 2015

FOOD LABELS: WHY 'LOW-FAT' AND 'FAT-FREE' DON'T MEAN HEALTHY

The multitude of labels on food packaging can wrong-foot even the most health conscious consumers.

Keen to increase your fibre intake? You might think cereal labeled "high fibre" will do the trick, but how much salt and sugar are you pouring into your breakfast bowl, too?

You might opt for "lite" crisps believing they are low in fat, but they could contain more calories than the standard version of another brand.

EC regulations have changed in recent years to stop food manufacturers making wild health claims

on packaging, but some experts believe consumers are still being misled.

Professor Mike Rayner, an expert in population health at Oxford University, says the EU has “failed miserably” to come up with a labeling system to help consumers make healthy choices. He would like to see packaging carry a nutrition profile, such as the system used in Australia, which rates a food’s overall healthiness on a scale from ½ a star to 5 stars, with highstarred foods considered the better nutritional choice.

“Labeling and health claims on packaging are not good guides to healthiness,” Professor Rayner says. “If the packet says the product is high in fibre or contains whole grains or has added vitamins and minerals, that

doesn’t really mean anything, because the product might also contain high levels of salt or sugar or saturated fat. These terms create a halo effect around

products to make them appear healthy when they might not be. “ He added that many food manufacturers opted not to use traffic light labels that indicate low, medium or high amounts of fat, saturated fat, sugars

and salt.

Charlotte Stirling-Reed, a registered nutritionist and media expert with the Nutrition Society, urges consumers to avoid packaged food when possible or else read nutrition labels careful-

ly – not the front of packets – before buying. “Most food packages are misleading.

As consumers, we often want to believe that if something is making a health claim or even that its images denote health, it’s going to be good for us,” she says.

“It's hard to understand that some of these 'healthy options' are nothing but very clever marketing. It's so important to look beyond the front of packet and check out what's actually in the ingredients list before making the final decision.”

The guide below will give you the full picture behind common food labels.

The claim: Light or lite The truth: must contain 30 per cent less fat or calories than the standard version, but does not mean the product is low fat or healthy. For example, ‘light/lite’ crisps can contain the same amount of fat or calories as the standard version of another brand. A product light on fat can also be heavy on calories by way of added sugar.

The claim: Low-fat The truth: must contain less than 3g of fat per 100g for food or 1.5g of fat per 100ml for drinks. But this does not mean the product is healthy or low-calorie.

Many low fat foods and drinks are loaded with added sugar and can be high in calories.

The claim: No added sugar The truth: must have no sugar or sweetener added, but does not mean the product is low in sugar or sugarfree. The product could contain natural sugars, such as those found in dairy and fruit, in which case the label should state ‘contains naturally occurring sugars’.

These products are often high in fat and/or calories.

The claim: Fat-free The truth: must contain less than 0.5g fat per 100g, but again, this does not mean the product is healthy or low-calorie. The claim sometimes appears on products that do not contain fat anyway, such as sweets, and can disguise high levels of unhealthy ingredients such as sugar. Nutritionists point out that fat-free is not necessarily desirable anyway, as good fats are essential in a balanced diet.

31

Friday 6th March 2015

Q A

I suffer from Rheumatoid arthritis, and no longer get relief from my pain killers.

What else can I take?

An effective therapy for any kind of arthritis, especially rheumatoid arthritis is MSM (Methyl Sulfonyl Methane). MSM is the natural form of sulphur in the body. This sulphur is not the same as the sulphur found in Sulfa drugs or creams which some people may be allergic to. MSM is a mineral nutrient that can be likened to Calcium or Magnesium. It is found in huge amounts in the body, and plays a major role in promoting and stabilizing numerous functions of the body.

About half of all MSM in the body is concentrated in the muscles, skin, bones and joints, and the amount available in our body reduces as we age. MSM has powerful pain relieving and anti-inflammatory properties. It is also critical for forming the cartilage and surrounding tissues that make up our joints. This is why MSM is so effective for managing all manner of bone, joint or muscle problem. According to many experts, MSM is the most effective agent – whether prescribed, or natural – for managing arthritis.

Dr Lawrence, a renowned pain expert is quoted to have said that in his 50 years of practising medicine, he has never come across any substance as effective as MSM for dealing with pain. And I can agree with the doctor. In my clinical experience, everyone I have treated with MSM has experienced their pain reduce significantly and in many cases this has occurred soon after starting therapy. But the dose and quality of MSM consumed is important. I have come across people who have not had any pain relief from

MSM either because they took a small dose or purchased a product of questionable quality.

The dose I find most effective f o r Rheumatoid arthritis is a starting dose of 10 grams every 12 hours for a month, and then a maintenance dose of 10 grams daily. I have seen the pain of arthritis disappear within a day on this dose. The organic form of MSM from herbs is also of a far more superior quality than the low quality synthetic kind. I would not expect the same dramatic effect from poor quality MSM. Anyone suffering from any form of arthritis or connective tissue problem-

BEWARE OF GALLSTONES

A few weeks ago, I heard news that reminded me of the insidious nature of gallstones. About 3 months ago, a man came for a full body scan and his only complaint was joint pains. The scan revealed that his gallbladder was inflamed and contained stones.

There were also signs of a past microbial infection, as well as ongoing but inactive bacterial infection. However the client showed no signs of abdominal pain, nausea and vomiting, which are classical signs of gallstones. Unfortunately 2 months after the scan he suffered a rupture of the gallbladder.

Luckily he was rushed to the hospital on time, and is now making a good recovery.

Gallstones are fairly common but in general do not cause problems. We pick them up fairly regularly while carrying out diagnostic scans. From experience, gallstones alone are not usually a problem, but when the stones cause inflammation and slow down

the contraction of the gall bladder, then something has to be done urgently. The main function of the gallbladder is to secrete juices that contain acids and salts, to help with the digestion of fats and oils and a poor diet will promote the conversion of the content of the gallbladder into stones. Eating inflammatory foods such as wheat and unsaturated oils will accelerate inflammation of the gall bladder. When the gall bladder is inflamed, it becomes prone to infections which in turn adds to the problem of gall stones. Most people with gall stones will find that taking a combination of digestive enzymes will help dissolve stones and improve the health of the gallbladder. In many cases, problems with the gallbladder are due to microbial infections and treating these is sometimes all that is required.

FOR A FULL BODY SCAN CALL: 965071745,966189074,630118439

rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis, tendonitis, carpal tunnel syndrome – should try MSM for pain relief. It is truly a miracle supplement for arthritis. For information about MSM, call - 966189074 FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN CALL: 966189074, 965071745.

32

Horoscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 Romantic prospects are certainly exciting this week -- even if they get a little bit out of hand! On Tuesday, you can anticipate a glorious day with you and your lover. If single, you might meet someone in the most unexpected way between Tuesday and Wednesday. Unfortunately, this love affair will be quite a handful. You and your sweetheart might love hard, but you'll also fight hard. Get ready to make love AND war!

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Keeping things to yourself can get you into hot water this week, especially when it comes to your love life. Your lover will interpret your secrecy in a more seedy way than you might intend. It appears that it will only trigger insecurity buttons and trust issues on both of your parts to remain quiet about any issue that might be bubbling underneath the surface. Get it out or suffer the consequences.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 You might get yourself into a sticky social situation this week. The best thing you can do is stay out of your friends' love lives or any drama connected to a love triangle in your social life. If not, you'll be pulled into something you'll wish you stayed far away from, so save yourself the headache and avoid getting involved in the first place. Also, think twice before allowing a friend to become a lover. There's too much baggage this week connected to friends and your love life. Keep it all separate.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 A power struggle in matters of the heart is likely, and it appears connected to status or career in some way. Perhaps your partner is jealous of any recent achievement you've had professionally. He or she may try to hold you back without even realizing it. If so, you'll be upset at what appears to be the love of your life trying to sabotage your success. You'll need to address it.

Friday 6th March 2015

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 A sudden, exciting development is possible in your love life, but what you initially see as an adventure could quickly turn into a battlefield. It looks like you're searching for ways to spice up your love life, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just make sure your partner is as comfortable with your ideas as you are. It's possible that he or she will play along to make you happy, but if so, that approach will quickly grow old.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Your deepest intimacy buttons are likely to get pushed this week. On the one hand, you may want to devour your partner in every way possible. Physical, emotional and spiritual attraction will be strong, and you'll be so turned on it'll be impossible to resist each other. On the other hand, however, this intensity might quickly prove to be too hot for either one of you to handle. Take it down a notch so neither one of you shuts down in a fit of vulnerability.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Your love life is on fire this week, but you'll need to make sure it doesn't go from heated to explosive. There's definitely a sticky situation between you and your partner concerning a domestic matter you're both trying to avoid. You might be able to gloss over it this week by paying more attention to making love than war, but ignoring it will not work for long. A sudden change in the dynamic of your partnership is likely. Be ready for anything.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Stay as far away as possible from messy office romance potential this week. Even if you're madly in love with someone you work with, there appears to be something difficult brewing that will make your relationship anything but smooth sailing. Someone might say the wrong thing to the wrong person or catch the two of you in a compromising position. It'll only blow up in your face by next week if you don't do the damage control now.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Love is exciting, but before you know it, you can go from flying on cloud nine to feeling like you're caught in a bad romance this week. Passionate? Yes, without a doubt. But all of this intensity might become too exhausting to handle. If you find yourself consumed with your lover in an unhealthy way, such as being obsessed with his or her every move, you may want to take a personal reality check. Or -- even better -- a time out.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 You might want to keep your family away from your lover this week if at all possible.

You may think that everything is peaceful, but before you can say "happy family," it appears that one of your relatives might begin to make some noise about your personal life. This will make you and your sweetheart uncomfortable, to say the least.

If you're dating someone new, this is not the week to let your new sweetheart meet the parents. Not at all.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Words of love can quickly blow up in your face this week. You might suddenly declare your affections for someone, and at the time you may convince yourself it's the perfect time to do so. Unfortunately, it looks as though you may regret it as soon as the words come out of your mouth. Either the object of your affection doesn't reciprocate, or the way you chose to express your feelings came across as a shock to your sweetheart. Keep it cool, and don't reveal so much so fast.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Do what you can to keep your finances separate from a friend or lover this week. You might suddenly come into money, only to hear the woes of someone close to you. If he or she is manipulating you into financial help, you'll catch on quickly and it'll open doors of resentment into your relationship. You don't need to prove your love for anyone by digging into your bank account, and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise this will be a week you rethink that relationship.

Friday 6th March 2015

33

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain eight years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: David wanted to know how to change the font in ADVICE: Trevor wanted to know how to set up a new the new replacement for Hotmail, Microsoft Outlook Gmail email address

Q

Good afternoon Mr.Cavender. Many thanks for your informative notes in the Courier. Perhaps you can help me. I noted today that you discussed default fonts in Hotmail. Please tell me how I can get a default font in Outlook Hotmail too which I have just converted. Am I missing something very obvious?

Thanks in anticipation, Kind regards, David Hi David, you should login to your email and click the following…

1. From the inbox screen click the gear icon in the top right hand corner of the screen 2. Click “More Email Settings” 3. Under “Writing Email” click “Message Font and Signature” 4. Choose the font settings you would prefer and click Save …hope that helps.

Update: Many thanks for your reply. Much appreciated -something about wood and trees comes to mind - apart from senility!!

A

ADVICE: Mary wanted to know how to safely delete all of the information from her old computer.

Q A

Hi Richard, I now have a new laptop and one day I will need to dispose of my old tower PC. From a security point of view can I successfully delete everything on it, or do I have to take it to a professional technician to delete the contents?

Hi Mary, it’s a good question – as you have probably heard simply deleting the contents of your personal information will not destroy it, it still remains easily recoverable from your computer until such a time as its overwritten by more information. There are a number of companies that will be able to offer you data wiping services, BlueMoon Solutions is one of them, however if you are wanting to be 100% sure yourself that your information has been destroyed then probably one of the most effective ways is to remove the hard drive platters (the things inside your hard drive that store information) and physically destroy them – this also happens to be quite a satisfying way to kill your data! I have done a bit of searching and a guy called David Gewirtz has published a step by step guide on how to do this – you can find it at http://tinyurl.com/c2fr2k

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Q A

Hi, how does one change their Google email address, reason since I made IE my browser I am receiving approx. 200 spams a day seems a coincidence since I changed from Google Chrome.

Hi Trevor, in order to set up a new Gmail account you should go to... https://accounts.google.com/SignUp ...and complete the information online.

I agree with you it is a coincidence that you are receiving spam after moving to Internet Explorer, you could check by downloading Google Chrome from the following link... https://www.google.com/intl/en/chrome/browser/

ADVICE: Bernie received a hoax call from someone purporting to be from Microsoft Hi Richard, Your advice please on a bit of a strange one. This morning I received a phone call from someone called Ricky, surname I think is Dustin but because of his accent i.e. either Indian or Pakistan difficult to understand that bit. He purported to be ringing me from London for Windows as my computer was generating a lot of error messages and high usage warnings. Having just got out of bed I told him him to ring back later and he said he would ring back in an hour and a half.

Which he did. He also wanted me to be at my computer so he could show me the error and high usage messages and would go through how I could sort this.

He confirmed he was working for windows and acting for Microsoft. Gave me a phone number of 9546883011. I have not tried to ring this number. When I asked how I could validate what he was saying he said I could check it out on a .com site called gmiits. I have not visited that site, being of a suspicious nature and cautious. Needless I was not doing anything until I knew he was genuine......

My concerns are that he had my name and phone number. When I have error messages and it asks if I want to send the report I say no. Obviously this sounds like a hoax / scam and my son concurs. The fact that the guy rang back came as a surprise but both times the call had a slight time lapse on it as if it was a radio call.

Many thanks for any suggestions, Bernie

Q

Hi Bernie, yes I understand why you might be concerned but if it sounds too good to be true then it probably is too good to be true. I don’t think that even Microsoft have the resources to personally contact each and every person purporting to be "generating high usage warnings" As you have already assumed, it’s a hoax, we had a spate of them about 12 months ago and it looks like we are starting to get a new round of them - feel free to pass on my details to them if they ring back, I would be more than happy to talk to them

A

34

Friday 6th March 2015

WHITE VAN UPCYCLE

In the summer of 2013, Mike Hudson, a twentysomething electronic-systems engineer, decided to quit his job in Sheffield and go travelling. Yet rather than book a ticket to Thailand, Hudson chose to upcycle a £2,500, 10-year-old LDV Convoy van into a studio flat on wheels.

After five months of labour – during which Hudson repaired the rust holes on the van floor, then built and installed, using “common materials found in DIY and home shops”, a kitchen, a pressurised water supply and extendible bed, and fitted an enviable on-board music system – he crossed the Channel in March 2014.

Since then, Hudson has drawn remarkable number of followers to his site, Vandog Traveller (25,000 in January alone), which describes the van’s conversion and the fun he has had because of it. In a little under a year, he has spotted bears in the Romanian mountains, surfed on the Portuguese coast, swum in the Danube, taken in the sights from the rooftops of Bucharest, raved hard at festivals and free parties in Spain, Hungary and Switzerland, and celebrated Christmas with his family, who flew out to meet him in Athens.

“I’m not sure what the nicest part has been,” Hudson says

from his current location, an off-grid community in the Greece hinterland. “Nice, as in nature? Then probably Spain, Austria and Romania, in the mountains.”

Van life is not without its hardships, however. “After the conversion I had £4,500 left from my savings,” he explains.

“I do many things to make it last as long as possible.”

Hudson has learnt to cut his own hair, sew his torn clothes, and shave in the van’s wing mirror. Certain modern conveniences have been easy to forgo. “Mostly little things like a toaster and other gadgets you realise are unnecessary,” he

says. Others have been more difficult to shoulder. “Marmite,” says Hudson. “I really miss Marmite.”

Now on the southeastern edge of Europe, he admits he would love to cross into Turkey, only “I just don’t have the money for insurance, fuel and visas.”

Instead, he plans to remain in Europe.

“There are loads of places I’m looking forward to.”

How long could he remain on the road?

“I don’t know, I really like this,” he says. “I feel like there’s so much more to do. I know everything is temporary, but I’m just trying to do this for as long as I want.”

And would he recommend converting an old banger and striking out for similar territory to anyone with lesser DIY skills?

“Well, I’d never recommend someone doesn’t do something just because they have little experience.” Hudson says.

“Anyone can do this.” Those with a little cash in the bank and wanderlust in the heart should check the vehicle small ads now.

N-332

www.fb.com/TorreviejaTrafficDepartment Seat Belt Legislation In Spain, the use of seat belts by all vehicle passengers an driver is compulsory, seat belts must be worn at all times if they are fitted to a vehicle.

Children travelling in Spain must also use an appropriate child seat in addition to the standard seat belt, unless they are 12 years old and/or have reached at least 135 centimetres in height.

Between 135cm and 150cm you can decide what to use if a restraint seat or a seat belt.

1. What happens if I

don’t wear a seatbelt?

In a crash, a person who is not restrained by a seatbelt will continue to travel forward at the speed the vehicle was travelling until something stops them. This could be the steering wheel, dashboard or windscreen. In some crashes, the person may burst through one of the windows and be partially or fully ejected from the vehicle, exposing them to other dangers. They might hit fixed objects or be run over or crushed by their own, or another, vehicle.

2. What happens if my

www.n332.es

rear seat passengers don’t wear a seatbelt?

In a crash, an unrestrained rear-seat occupant continues to travel forward until his or her progress is impeded, usually by one of the front seats. In a severe crash, the force with which the seat is struck is usually sufficient to cause the seat mountings or seat structure to fail. The front seatbelt must then not only restrain the front-seat occupant, but also the failed seat and rear-seat occupant.

Seatbelt failures have been reported under these circumstances, resulting in both front and rear occupants sustaining severe and sometimes fatal injuries. Even if the seatbelt does not fail, the front passenger is subjected to extremely high crushing forces. Front seat occupants have also been fatally injured in this way.

(We have decided for now to set up a FREE newsletter, which they will send by email on a regular basis, probably monthly initially. You can sign up to be added to the mailing list by visiting the secure page on the website, http://n332.es/newslettersignup/ or by sending an email to news@n332.es with the word SUBSCRIBE in the subject line.)

Friday 6th March 2015

35

36

Friday 6th March 2015

37

Friday 6th March 2015

HOW TO MAKE THE PERFECT BACON SANDWICH Ditch the ketchup, brown sauce is the nation's favourite condiment when it comes to bacon sandwiches

The people have spoken. The nation's favourite bacon butty recipe is - drum roll, please - white un-toasted sliced bread, smoked bacon and brown sauce.

Shockingly, butter doesn't get a look-in.

The research found that although 25 per cent of Brits prefer their bacon sandwiched between white bread slices, 21 per cent

would rather have a white bap.

Only 6 per cent voted for brown as their favourite butty bread.

Other more unusual options chosen by the public included: stotties (a flat round loaf, common in the North East), sourdough, tiger bread and Belgian waffles.

While Brits tend to prefer their butties plain and simple, with nothing but bacon and sauce, when they do want an additional ingredient, eggs are the winner, preferably fried.

Celebrated chef Marco Pierre White's method is similarly straightforward however, he divides opinion by microwaving his bacon.

He recommends using four rashers, nuked for twoand-a-half minutes, placed on a slice of white bread.

Use second slice of white bread to mop up the fat on the plate, then place on top of the sandwich.

According to the research, 31 per cent of Brits would add an egg to their butty if they were looking for some variety, 17 per cent would chuck in a mushroom and

only 14 per cent would opt for cheese.

A small number of us are living outside the box and and would add an avocado or even a lightly fried banana to their butty. We'd like to hear from you if banana is your thing, as it's a new one to us.

The research also identified a divide across the nation when it comes to ketchup or brown sauce.

People in the East of England or Wales tend to prefer ketchup, while those in the West tend to go for brown sauce in their butties.

Region - Perfect bacon butty recipe London - White sliced bread, untoasted with unsmoked bacon and brown sauce Wales - White bap, untoasted with unsmoked bacon and ketchup Scotland - White sliced bread, untoasted

with unsmoked bacon and brown sauce East - White sliced bread, untoasted with unsmoked bacon and ketchup East Midlands - White bap, untoasted with smoked bacon and ketchup North East - White sliced bread, untoasted with unsmoked bacon and ketchup North West - White sliced bread, untoasted with smoked bacon and brown sauce South East - White sliced bread, untoasted with unsmoked bacon and ketchup South West - White sliced bread, untoasted with smoked bacon and brown sauce West Midlands - White sliced bread, untoasted with smoked bacon and brown sauce Yorkshire and The Humber - White bap, untoasted with unsmoked bacon and ketchup The results of the research prove that bacon is still as popular as ever across the nation, despite claims that one bacon sandwich wipes off half an hour of your life.

Jazz Gakhal, Head of Direct Line for Business, the company that carried out the research, commented: “Bacon butties have been the staple British breakfast for years, helping fuel the nation as they head to work or wind down on the weekend."

"The humble butty inspires passion and debate, and there are those that will always claim bacon needs ketchup, but brown sauce is the collective favourite."

38

Friday 6th March 2015

Friday 6th March 2015

39

40

Friday 6th March 2015

THE ELECTRICAL SHOP’S DOUBLE CELEBRATION

It’s two lots of cakes and candles for the teams at the Electrical Shops in Quesada and Blue Lagoon, with the stores both celebrating their birthdays this week. The Blue Lagoon outlet is a proud five years old whilst the baby at Quesada is a bouncing healthy one year old, with many celebrations to come in the future!

The secret of the success for the Electrical Shop is that the staff totally understand their customer’s needs. One of the golden rules of life is to treat people how you would like to be treated and that is their principle in both shops, as they help their customers to make the right decision when buying an item together which is then delivered by a hard working, professional installation team.

Lots of people like to use local independent shops rather than the big chain stores as they feel more like a valued customer, and the Electrical Shop is glad to oblige! They have a great variety of products on display and they have zillions more that they can show on their computer system . With deliveries coming in from the main warehouse in Valencia, you should never have to wait too long to receive your goods!

The Electrical Shop rely hugely on repeat business and referral customers. They offer friendly, quality service from their store to your door and rest assured they will never sell you anything you don´t need. Knowledgeable, honest advice is always given completely free of charge. On the subject of after sales, you can feel confident that the electrical team will always go above and beyond to rectify any issues. So, Happy Birthday to both Electrical Shops. If you are passing pop in and say hello. There might not be any cake left, but there might be something you need to buy!!

41

Friday 6th March 2015

Property

thediscountcard.es

Restaurants & Bars

Lifestyle & Services

42

Friday 6th March 2015

FREE

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more. We cater for companies and self-employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

mixed choir and all levels are welcome. No auditions, no solos. Make new friends and have a good time.

Location: Casa Tom, Avenida JACA 31, San Luis, Torrevieja. Phone or email Terry for details. Phone: 647-189-135.

Email: casatomsanluis@gmail.com

CARS Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully comprehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963 Car document transfers same day provisional certificate. No trafico visit require.

Torrevieja based office. Call 966 923 963.

COMPUTERS

CHOIR Casa Tom Community Choir: From 8 September 2014, Casa Tom Community Choir meets every Monday at 2.00pm for 2.30pm. It is a

CAR HIRE

629975378. Torrvieja

CHURCH SERVICES

AUCTIONS

Computer Services, Repairs & Maintainence.

Also cheap UK & Spanish calls (from 0,5c per min).

UK IP Addresses. Website design and hosting also available.

Qualified Microsoft & Apple Engineer. Call 638 741 847.

QUIZZES

Beauty room available to rent in a very successful salon in the San Luis area. €20 per day Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays. Previous clientele, but will be required to expand. This is a self employed position. Contact 966788904.

Torrevieja Christian Fellowship at Avenida de las Cortes Valencianas 68, Torrevieja 03183, welcome residents and visitors alike, to their friendly and lively 10.30 am. Service each Sunday morning.

They will not be holding the Wednesday night meeting at 6.00 pm. For further information and/or directions please telephone 966700391 or visit our website on www.tcfspain.org.

International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS - for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

GUITAR LESSONS Guitar lessons for beginners and improvers. Provide an insight into most styles.

From 10€ per hour. Call Peter on 966789612 or

Experienced quizmaster/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:- 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNATIONAL MEDIA needs selfemployed salesperson. Car, mobile phone and client base available. For more info call 685 901 265 or email info@radiocosta.eu Due to expansion of business in the San Luis area, the following is required, Qualified ladies/gents hairstylist and qualified nail technician. 5 years previous experience necessary.

Please contact 966788904

HEALTH / FITNESS / WEIGHT LOSS LOSE 1 STONE PER MONTH GUARANTEED. PERSONAL TRAINER WITH 25 YEARS EXPERIENCE, FORMER WORLD AND USA KICKBOXING C H A M P I O N . R E S U LT S GUARANTEED.CALL 619343633.

SITUATIONS WANTED WANTED. English speaking mother's help aged 30-40, with driving licence, to help 7 year old boy with homework, and look after him.

Work hours will be 4 hours a day, Monday to Friday. Own room with bathroom provided, in a house with a pool and garden, in Alcayna, Murcia. Pay will be 125 euros a week. If you have a young child this will not be a problem. Phone 607 43 39 43 or email: mancanpa@yahoo.es CARPET FITTER WANTED Experienced part time carpet fitter wanted for the expanding and successful Carpet Heaven in Los Montesinos. Must be hard Working, smart & friendly, with first class customer facing skills. A clean driving

BARBER

license, your own transport & tools are essential. Please send CV with references to carpetheaven@hotmail.es or call us on 966720782 for more information Gardening, property maintenance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

your unwanted furniture and leave it to U KNOW UNO'S to sell on your behalf for details call Glen on 966 262 828 or 606 926 437 or wiggfish@hotmail.com

MOBILE AUTO ELECTRICS

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja?

Let us help to solve your problems with Spanish Wills, debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence, Spanish Wills. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are welcome to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Te l no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

WANTED

SERVICES Spanish lady in Playa Flamenca near Carrefour provides Erotic massage at her private house, discretion assured tel. 865 64 64 37

CLASSES / COURSES Speak Spanish in 6 months guaranteed. You have tried CDs, DVDs, free classes and still cant speak or understand Spanish? I will teach you with my course in 6 months.

Certified American Teacher. Call Andy 619343633.

FURNITURE Take the stress out of selling

CARPENTER

GARDENER

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY 20 PRINGLE MACHINES VENDING ROUTE,ALL CASH , NO OVERHEAD BUSINESS. NETT 300 EURO WEEKLY. E19,900.CALL 619343633.

CATERING

ALARMS

CLEANERS

43

Friday 6th March 2015

CAR BREAKERS

DRAINAGE

REMOVALS

VAN HIRE

UPHOLSTERY CLEANING

PETS

PLUMBERS

44

Friday 6th March 2015

WHY WOMEN SHOULD TEE OFF

I like to play golf with the ladies, they bring certain elegance and grace to the game as well as bringing with them a delightful perfume aroma, which has a kind of calming influence and then there is the “bisos” and “abrazos” on the 18th.

But less of my personal reasoning and more of why ladies should play golf. Just look at the list of female celebrities that play the game like Cameron Diaz, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Heather Locklear (all pictured together). Add the likes of Vera Wang, Celine Dion, Sharon Stone, Kylie Minogue and BBC newsreader Naga Munchetty, and you have a selection of the hundreds of famous, well known women who are avid golfers.

But you don’t have to be rich, famous or particularly athletic to enjoy the game.

So here are just some of the reasons participation among women is growing;

1.

Golfers Live Longer: Now that’s a great start! Five years longer according to a Swedish study.

2.

Golf Keeps You Trim: Golf is a great way to stay in shape with a round of golf consuming 1500 calories if you walk. Golf also stimulates your creativity, problem-solving and strategic thinking.

3.

Golf Gets a Girl Ahead. In today’s competitive business environment women can’t afford NOT to play golf. Golf is one of the few sports that are widely accepted in the workplace as a way to quickly build relationships and close deals. Plus executives who play golf make 17% more than those who don’t!

4.

Office Talk. When the water cooler talk turns to bogies and birdies, you’ll be able to participate and get invited to play. "If you can talk about golf, all of the sudden you have a reason to

talk to the MD or your boss two levels above you.

5.

Golf Has Fun Clothing: Golf fashion is big business and you’ll enjoy some amazing options.

6.

Golfers Make Friends Easily: Golf is a great, low stress way to make new friends and generate new leads for your business.

7.

Quality Time: Where else can you have four hours of quality time with your boss, colleagues, prospects, boyfriend, husband or kids, away from the stress of modern living?

8.

Golf Is Great Recreational Value: Golf is really a great value when compared to many other activities.

9.

Golf Gives You a Reason to Travel: There are so many amazing and beautiful courses around the world, golf gives you the perfect excuse to go visit!

10.

Golf is Like Sex: You don’t actually have to be that good at it to enjoy it.

Only 10% of all golfers ever score below 100. So relax, and have fun, as you are most likely in the majority.

AND NOW IT GETS BETTER FOR THE LADIES! The Royal and Ancient Golf Club voted in favour last September to allow women members for the first time in its 260-year history. The St Andrews-based club has 2,400 global members who were entitled to vote and more than three-quarters took part in the ballot. Of those that voted, 85% were in favour of change.

They have also provided a list of the first honorary lady members and want to use their new Sky TV contract money for the Open coverage to fight the fall in participation. Well! I think they missed an opportunity to get off to a flying start, when they picked Princess Anne instead of the youthful Duchess of Cambridge or Kate as she is known. When she appeared on TV wearing a £30 Top Shop dress the shops sold out in an hour. Where Kate goes young girls follow. If she were to be seen with a bag of clubs and playing the game would that not create the same knock on effect?

Founded in 1754, the Royal

TITTER ON THE TEE A man went to Harley Street in London having seen an advert for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Knowing that nowadays, job advertisers aren't able to discriminate against the applicant's gender he was very interested, so went in and asked the secretary for details.

She retrieved the file and read to him: "This job entails preparing ladies for the Gynaecologist.

You will be responsible for helping them out of their underwear, laying them down and carefully washing their private areas, applying shaving foam to the necessary parts and removing all unwanted foliage, and finally, you'll be required to rub in soothing oils in preparation for the Gynaecologist's examination."

and Ancient's members play on the St Andrews links course regarded as the "home of golf". Before the vote, women could play on the course, on Scotland's east coast, but they were not allowed in the clubhouse and had no significant part in the sport's rulemaking arm, the R&A. Among the list of Honorary members are: Princess Anne, Dame Laura Davies, Annika Sörenstam, Angela Bonallack who is 79 and plays with two metal hips and a handicap of 7 and Belle Robertson (who actually won at St. Andrews in 1986) also 79, she still plays off 2. So it’s not a young crew.

They may not have come up with someone with youth appeal but they have got role models for senior citizens. So who will make the most waves at the R & A HQ? My guess is Dame Laura, as not only will she outhit the male members, she will beat them at snooker too. Far from hating her guts, they will probably shake their heads in disbelief but tinged with admiration It is a big step for a 260year-old institution but one that the game needed, and it surely helped another Open venue, like Sandwich make a similar decision on Wednesday, with Muirfield and Troon likely to follow suit. In practical terms it makes little difference to the vast majority of female golfers, but helps the game portray itself in a more inclusive light. The LPGA is happy to hear that the members of the Royal and Ancient Golf Club in St Andrews have voted to include female members; this decision is certainly a

step in the right direction and one that better captures the current diversity and inclusiveness of our great game.

Sports Minister Helen Grant has also supported the move.

"This is positive news for the sport and I hope we will now see other golf clubs that still have outdated same sex policies follow suit. With golf in the next Olympics there is a huge opportunity for the sport to grow and this sends out the right inclusive message that golf is for everyone."

On Wednesday, Royal St George’s in Sandwich declared that a decisive 90% of members had voted in favour of altering the Kent club's rules and allowing women to join with immediate effect. In a statement, the club said it looked forward to welcoming ladies as junior and full members.

Dame Laura Davies said it was "great to see" the club following in the footsteps of the Royal and Ancient Golf Club in allowing female members. She said: "It would seem to be the correct thing for a club that hosts a big sporting event such as the Open.”

In 2012, the Augusta National Club, which hosts the Masters, admitted two women members for the first time in its 80-year history. To add more power to the elbow of ladies golf, golf's governing body the R&A is in talks with the Ladies' Golf Union (LGU) over the prospect of a merger. With both bodies based at the Royal and Ancient Golf club of St Andrews and responsible for staging major championships, prestigious amateur events and international matches.

KNOW YOUR RULES

QUESTION

A player’s ball is lying on a slope in play. When he addresses the ball it moves and comes to rest out of bounds. What is the ruling?

A: The players’ ball is out of bounds and therefore he must proceed under Rule 27.1 B: The player incurs no penalty Then she told him "The annual salary is £65,000 and if C: The player incurs a one stroke penalty and must replace you're interested, you'll have to go to Aberdeen." the ball "My goodness!" exclaimed the man "Is that where the job is?"

ANSWER

"No" she answered - "That's where the end of the queue C: The player incurs a one stroke penalty. The player and is..." must replace the ball Rule 18-b

45

Friday 6th March 2015

NOT THE REAL DEAL REAL MADRID 1

Real Madrid's hopes of securing a first La Liga title since 2012 suffered a setback as they were held by Villarreal at the Bernabeu Stadium last Sunday. Carlo Ancelotti's leaders looked to be heading four points clear at the top of the table after Cristiano Ronaldo's ninth league penalty of the season. It was awarded after Ronaldo was bundled over by Eric Bailly.

VILLARREAL 1

But Villarreal hit back through Gerard Moreno, the 22-year-old beating Iker Casillas with a low shot from 18-yards. Real had 25 shots yet were fortunate in the end not to have suffered a defeat, with it being the first time that they had failed to win at home in La Liga since falling to Atletico Madrid back in September. Real are away to Athletic Bilbao tomorrow (Saturday).

GAP CLOSED

Barcelona kept up the pressure on leaders Real Madrid after winning at relegationthreatened Granada without reaching top gear last Saturday. Ivan Rakitic opened the scoring after 25 minutes and then Luis Suarez struck at the start of the second period, grabbing his third goal in four days. Fran Rico pulled one back for the hosts

GRANADA 1 BARCELONA 3

from the penalty spot but Suarez then put the ball on a plate for Lionel Messi to restore the two-goal advantage. The result coupled with Real’s surprise draw on Sunday, puts Barca just a point behind Madrid, as they entertain Rayo Vallecano this Sunday.

LOMBAN’S LATE SHOW CELTA VIGO 1

A late penalty from David Lomban plus another top keeping display from Tyton earned Elche a 1-1 draw at Celta Vigo on Monday night and a vital point in their battle to stay in the Primera Division. The point moved Elche, who were without star player Jonathas on Monday, two points clear of the drop zone with a home match to come this weekend against Almeria who are just above them in the table.

Celta Vigo made the better start with Fabian Orellana looking lively and his cross was headed wide by Charles in the opening stages. The Chilean was causing Elche all kinds of problems and moments later he had a shot himself but Ilicitanos keeper Przemyslaw Tyton was equal to his effort from the edge of the box.

Damian Suarez fired a free-kick over the bar for Elche but that was their only chance of note as Celta continued to press. Krohn-Dehli had a chance as the half-hour mark approached after being set free by Nolito but Tyton was quick off his line and saw the threat away. Adrian Gonzalez glanced a speculative effort wide for Elche but they came closest to breaking the deadlock just before the interval

ELCHE 1

when Faycal Fajr fired just wide.

It seemed like the type of game that would need something brilliant to bring it to life and Charles nearly produced it just after the break with an overhead kick but Tyton was on hand to save. Aaron then fired wide at the other end after being set up by Coro before Nolito and Krohn-Dehli combined again with Tyton again making the save. Celta took the lead just after the hour as Jonny picked out Krohn-Dehli and the 31-year-old supplied a cool low finish. Orellana's cross provided Nolito with the chance to double the lead but he headed wide before Tyton had to save Nemanja Radoja's low effort.

With just two minutes left, Krohn-Dehli went from hero to villain as his challenge on Victor Rodriguez handed Elche a penalty. Lomban beat Sergio Alvarez low to his left to seal a point for the visitors but there was still time for Nolito to go agonisingly close to turning the ball in at the other end. So it’s Almeria to come tomorrow (Saturday) for Elche, and a great chance to give themselves some extra breathing space between themselves and the bottom three in the table.

46

Friday 6th March 2015

TORRY’S LATE HEARTBREAK ONTINYENT CF 2

After a pointless February(in more ways than one), Torrevieja looked a different outfit away to promotion seeking Ontinyent, where only one team have won at all this season, and but for a late equaliser could have come away with all the points.

Torry had a couple of first half chances but they failed to take them, with sloppy defending from a 12th minute corner put the hosts in front from a Marcos Campos strike. Ontinyent deserved their first half advantage, and with Torry manager Galiana staring down the barrel of a sixth straight defeat as well as the prospect of the sack, he brought Brani on at the start of the second period and the match turned.

The young Croatian added energy and aggression to the team, closing down defenders quickly, hustling constantly for the ball, then using his pace to put them on the back foot. Torry grabbed the game by the scruff of the neck and turned it around. On 63 minutes Adrian had his free kick cleared for a corner which he launched into the goal area, with the advancing Ruben powering his header into the net. It was the team’s first goal since scoring at Muro on January 18th, and the relief was palpable.

Buoyed by that success, Torry thrust forward with edge and conviction. Only five minutes later, Obele was quickest to react to make it two and it was apparent that Torry

CD TORREVIEJA 2

were now likely to go on and add a decisive third. However, fate intervened with captain Jorge receiving two cautions in two minutes, leaving Torry to manage the last twenty minutes without their skipper. Jorge was mystified by this second booking, which was seemingly for hand ball.

Worse was to follow as keeper Oscar was injured by team mate Alexis in a desperate goalmouth scramble. Ontinyent then broke Torry hearts with 90 seconds remaining on the clock. A fairly innocuous free kick was floated into the box and Torrevieja had three poor stabs at clearing the ball as it fell to Escudero who gratefully poked it home for the equaliser.

Torrevieja deserved to win on a positive and engaging second half display that resounded with artful, accurate play, but they are sadly not in action this weekend to build on what happened on Sunday. They were due a rest day as the group has 21 teams, but all 21 will now not play after the Valencian F.A. voted for "downing tools" after central government proposed legislation that would place a financial burden on club presidents which they feel is unmanageable and would see most teams disappear.

MONTE RULE THE ROOST RACING SAN MIGUEL 1

Monte grabbed a vital win against their local rivals in a clash that had everything last Sunday lunchtime, with Monte leap-frogging San Miguel to go sixth in the table. The match was played at Sportscity in Torrevieja due to work on the San Miguel pitch and there was plenty to enjoy.

San Miguel started the stronger with fast, close, precise passing and Lopez was alert to tip over a decent attempt on his goal, as Monte took a while to find their rhythm. A stupid back pass in the San Miguel area gave Monte an indirect free-kick, with Dario cleverly laying it onto Saez, who grabbed his first ever goal for the side. On the half hour mark, the hosts levelled it after steady pressure, with a mix up seeing Angel’s clearance hitting Yonhi to loop over a hapless Lopez. Not for the first time this season, Monte showed no ability to hang onto a lead, but on the stroke of half-time, Carlos was fouled on edge of area. Rubio's fierce shot deflected to Manuel to calmly slot it into the net, to put Monte 2-1 in front.

CD MONTESINOS 3

Five minutes into the second half, Lopez produced an astounding penalty save after Manuel was judged to have handled the ball in the area, and he kept the visitors in front later when he palmed over the bar as San Miguel looked for the equaliser. A clash between Dimitry and San Miguel’s Pirri saw the home player suffer a split lip which went unseen by the referee. Pirri continued to complain for the next 10 minutes, and the official got fed up with the dissent and backchat and sent him off! Monte made a double change with Vaz and M&A on for Dario and Alberto, but they didn’t take advantage of the extra man. The selfdestruct button was then pushed when M&A, only on for ten minutes, saw him red carded for a disgusting lunge. With chances few, Vaz had a golden opportunity when put clean through with only the keeper to beat, but shot wide. San Miguel shortly after were reduced to nine men courtesy of a second yellow for their number eight, Alfie. Monte finally wrapped up the game just before full time with a great solo run and finish from Carlos.

47

Friday 6th March 2015

A BIG-HEARTED MAN

Iron-hard Scottish midfielder Dave Mackay hailed from Edinburgh and his first club was the Scottish Capital’s proud ‘Heart of Midlothian’, who he captained to the Scottish title in 1958 aged 23. Within a year Mackay had made the big journey south and joined that great Spurs side of the sixties that Billy Nicholson put together. At White Hart Lane, Mackay helped Tottenham to win the League and FA Cup double in 1961, winning two further FA Cups in 1962 and 1967.

Although Danny Blanchflower was the stylish captain of Spurs, it has always been recognised that Dave Mackay was the ‘heartbeat’ of the team, the leader both on and off the field. In Jimmy Greaves’ first and

best autobiography ‘This One’s On Me’ (1979) he wrote that Mackay was the first into everything – example, blistering tackles, to shake your hand, and first in the bar to buy a round: he epitomised the swashbuckling style of one of the really great sides of the 20th century.

Mackay broke his leg twice in the same place, which would have daunted many footballers. Did that stop the tough-as-teak Scot?

No chance, and after Blanchflower left in 1964, Mackay took over as captain to lead Tottenham to win the 1967 FA Cup. If George Best said the Scot was the "hardest man I have ever played against", then take it as read –it’s true. George knew from brutal personal experience

who was really hard. One day outside Wembley Stadium I saw Dave Mackay in a suit, signing autographs.

I was struck by the fact he wasn’t particularly tall, but on the field he looked a colossus. His heading ability was well-known and feared. The trademark barrel chest and ‘sleeves-rolled-up’ attitude epitomised Mackay’s approach to the game.

In those days of the sixties, Don Revie had also built a tremendous team of talent, but at Leeds United they also carried a deserved reputation for taking no prisoners; half the team regularly put the boot in, despite their elegant class. Arguably the worst of a bad bunch, another great Scot, the late Billy Bremner clashed badly one day with Mackay, and the photo of Mackay threatening Bremner summed up the scene well: Afterwards Mackay said: “He was a brilliant player but a dirty little b******. He kicked me in the leg I’d just come back

from breaking twice. If he’d kicked the other one, I could have accepted that. But he kicked the broken one and that really annoyed me. I could’ve killed him that day.”

Mackay was probably being unduly harsh on himself "bullying" Billy Bremner seems scarcely credible. "In the end the referee just gave us a talking-to, for which I was relieved, I had got away with it and was so happy, because it maintained my record of never having been sent off. I may have been dirty sometimes, but I never got sent off in my whole life, even as a schoolboy."

As that super Spurs side was breaking up, it appeared that after a superb era Mackay was returning to Scotland as player/manager of his beloved Hearts. But fate then took a hand: Brian Clough and Peter Taylor had left very modest Hartlepool and were putting together a superb young side at Derby, then languishing in the old Second Division. It was always Taylor who could spot the players needed, and sent Clough south to see Billy Nick, saying Derby needed Mackay’s brain working at the back in the defence, as his legs were said to have gone by then. Nicholson bluntly told Cloughie there was no chance, but when Spurs had finished training, Cloughie waited for Mackay

and talked to him – very earnestly.

A few weeks later at a wet, windy midweek match at the Baseball Ground, Derby were under the cosh, and defending desperately, pinned in their own penalty area. The ball came to Mackay, with home screams to hoof it anywhere. He calmly put his foot on it, and looking up, spotted the immaculate Alan Hinton (Gladys to the home fans), shorts not even dirty as he dried his nail varnish on the left wing.

Bang, and a 40 yard ball flew to Hinton who collected it and went on a run. Avoiding sixteen full-blooded tackles.

Hinton delicately threaded his way to the by-line before planting the ball perfectly on the head of young Kevin Hector who couldn’t and didn’t miss. Taylor sprang from the dug-out and let Cloughie and the crowd have it with both barrels:

‘THAT is why we bought Mackay!’ Derby were promoted and the following year Mackay won Footballer of the Year - some going for a supposedly washed-up footballer! The stay at Derby linked Mackay with the East Midlands forever, and after a spell as player/manager at Swindon, eventually followed Clough as manager at both Derby and Nottingham Forest, indeed he won the First Division with Derby in 1975. Mackay went on to manage Walsall, Birmingham City and Doncaster, and a number of Middle East clubs. In 2002 Dave Mackay was deservedly inducted into the English Hall of Fame to recognise his immense contribution to football.

The man with a big heart and a big reputation died in a Nottingham hospital on Monday this week aged 80: RIP, Dave Mackay.

WALK OVER ORIHUELA’S DOUBLE

Fifty-plus players turned out last Tuesday morning for the first ever over55’s Walking Football Tournament in Los Montesinos. Teams from Playa Flamenca and Daya Vieja, besides two from Montesinos battled for supremacy cheered on by over a hundred spectators, many of whom were female! Daya Vieja were crowned the overall winners, with Playa Flamenca coming second. More tournaments are being planned, with at least a couple of UK based teams set to fly over to take part.

ITV Orihuela Vega Baja edged out Murcia in a tight home win last weekend, by 10 points to five in their first division territorial encounter. They take on bottom club Lorca next weekend. In the second division, Torrevieja Tigers lost at home to Cartagena by 34 points to 13, but their cadete side

walloped the San Javier Sharks, 67-7 at the Nelson Mandela stadium, whilst ITV Orihuela’s cadetes(pictured) made it a double for the club over Murcia, with a 48-42 victory. The Orihuela cadetes entertain Torrevieja this weekend, whilst San Javier travel to Lorca.

48

Friday 6th March 2015

SAME OLD, SAME OLD...

The late show

By John McGregor How do they do it? Search me, but somehow Man United keep grinding out results when playing poorly, the Red Devils’ latest stunt a 1 – 0 89th minute goal from Ashley Young thwarting unlucky Newcastle and confounding the

experts with their Angelic Falcaoic flops. From watching Fergie’s flyers winning well, Giggsie is being given a master class on how to win ugly at lucky Louis’ knee.

Nasty spat of spitting by Cisse needs stamping out, John Carver.

We don’t like that here.

UP FOR THE CUP

Typical! Cruel, innit, there’s no justice when thems at the top all beat those at the bottom, when the losers need the points more – arguably. It’s been one of those Funny Awful (FA) crazy weeks again in the Prem, when some teams have three matches in seven days. During midweek, it’s been business as usual at the top as Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal, Man United, Southampton, Liverpool and Tottenham all won their games to keep the Status Quo rocking.

Chelsea’s week was beyond their wildest dreams as not only did the Blues beat Spurs 2 – 0 in the Capital One Cup Final, but earlier on Sunday, arch-rivals Liverpool did ‘em a huge favour by beating second-placed Man City 2 -1. That kept the gap to five points but now after beating battling West Ham 1 - 0, Jose’s heroes have a game in hand. For now to lose the prestigious Prem prize to an erratic Man City side would be a disaster, and having achieved their first taste of silver under Jose Mourinho, it looks like Chelsea’s year. I think I saw Mourinho smile, but it could be indigestion…

Two unfairly-weighted contests saw Man City beat nothing-going-right Leicester in a Blues battle to keep the pressure up at the top, and similarly Arsenal consolidated third place with a 2 -1 win over Quite Possibly Relegated to leave the Hoops third from bottom and in big trouble.

Everyone held their breath as Bafetimbi Gomis collapsed, but Swans boss Garry Monk said no bother, he often faints.

Phew, that’s alright then…

The Birmingham Post headlines dramatically read: ‘VILLAINS DEBAG NEIGHBOURS!’. The First Round of the Battle of Brum meant that on Tuesday night, the City’s bragging rights were temporarily Baggied by Aston Villa, but only after a knife-edged 90th minute Benteke penalty, coolly dispatched. That man Berahino had earlier pulled it back to equalise Agbonlahor‘s first half goal. The key result was Tim Sherwood’s vital first win, a priceless three points to take Villa four points clear above the bottom three. The return match is on Saturday, see below.

Only two points above Villa are Everton, who are strangely doing well in the Europa League, but not a lot is going right in the Prem. On Wednesday, the Toffees went down 2 – 0 at Stoke who are having some season, the Potters currently going well in eighth as they overtake losing Swansea and West Ham. All Hull broke loose as Gus Poyet and Steve Bruce were at it, while Hull drew 1 – 1 with Sunderland in a bruising north-east encounter. Poyet was punished by the ref for kicking the drinks cabinet, ordered to the stands after having words with Bruce, and who later described their tiff as ‘grown men acting like children’. Hey that’s a perfectly accurate

BACK TO HIS BEST

By John McGregor But wait, who stirs … just over United shoulders another Red revolt is gathering pace. Like the teams other higher/lower games, Liverpool eased past poor old second-bottom Burnley into fifth place and are once again looking like an irresistible Anfield side should, but this time with Sterling, Lallana, Henderson and Coutinho buzzing around everywhere, with striking help now from Sturridge and a few more. Oh, and there is a goalie –God up there who has currently blessed safe-again Simon Mignolet to deliver the Belgian keeper through his mid-season crisis, to make the resurgent Reds look steady at the back again.

12 games unbeaten now for Liverpool who moved coolly into fifth.

Only two points ahead of their bitterest rivals United, who will be worried about their Champions League position.

At last!

Southampton threw off their late lethargy to pip resurgent Crystal Palace 1 – 0 and stay sixth, but it took a nervy seventieth minute winner from Mane to settle the matter.

Just behind Saints are Spurs who eventually overcame Swansea. description of football today Steve - can we use that?

There’s only one Prem match this weekend, a London derby on Saturday sees Spurs at Quaintly Playing Rubbish.

That means its – THE FA CUP QUARTER FINALS THIS WEEKEND! And what a competition for the underdogs this year. Saturday its Aston Villa v West Brom (again) and Bradford City v Reading, Sunday sees Liverpool v Blackburn, and Monday night – why, for pity’s sake – it’s the big one, Man United v the holders Arsenal. Hey, you don’t think United could go on and …nah! But then, football’s a funny old game…