The Courier Week 110

Edition 110

www.thecourier.es

Friday, March 29, 2013

FLY SWAT!

Corvera hit by more red tape

By DONNA GEE and SALLY BENGTSSON CORVERA Airport will NOT open for business this year – even if officials reach a swift agreement with AENA to switch passenger operations from San Javier.

Once a deal is done, it will be at least four to six months before all the necessary certification and authorisation allows Murcia’s new international airport to commence operations.

And the continuing delays merely strengthen the growing feeling that Corvera will end up as another ‘costa fortune’ white elephant like its widely ridiculed counterpart at Castellon.

When the Courier asked Murcia International Airport spokeswoman Caitriona Beggan for an update this week, she admitted frankly: “I would love to be able to give you some positive news, but unfortunately no opening date has been set as no agreement has yet been reached with AENA for the transfer of commercial operations from San Javier.

“Once an agreement is reached, an opening date 4-6 months later will be set in order to allow time to obtain all the necessary certification and authorization to commence operations.

“I am sorry that we cannot provide you with more information at this time.’’

Those words confirmed the latest in a string of delays which, with most airlines having announced full schedules in and out of San

Continued on P2

DON’T FORGET Turn your clocks forward one hour at 2am on Sunday

60-YEAR HITCH Pillow talk kept us close, say Diamond pair

EILEEN and Fred Hammond celebrated 60 years of marriage yesterday (Thursday) with a celebration meal in Guardamar – and a nighttime recipe for happiness.

“We’ve never gone to bed not talking!’’

It ‘s actually 63 years since Fred, then 20, met 15-year-old Eileen at a local dance in Southsea, Hampshire while Fred was on leave from the Army.

They courted for three years before tying the knot at St Margaret's Church in Southsea on March 28, 1953 – the year of the Queen’s coronation. So it is particularly fitting that a card of congratu-

Continued on P3

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Friday, March 29, 2013

Are you a snapper? Do you have a great photo? Send it to design@thecourier.es and if we think it is good enough we will publish it as our Picture of the Week TELEPHONE

96 692 1003 679 096 309 965 99 66 66 E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Janine 616 332 178 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes Heidi Wardman John McGregor

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Picture of the Week

JUNGLE DRUMS

The Mar Menor Photograph by DAVID BROWN

AN Alicante woman who has always believed her 'dead' twin sister was stolen at birth has confirmed that the remains in the baby's grave do not match her DNA. María José Picó took legal action 14 months ago, convinced that her twin sister – born in 1962 – had been a victim of the 'stolen baby' scandal involving children born between around 1940 and 1990.

The courts upheld her

MY LOST TWIN DNA test supports stolen baby theory

application to exhume the remains of her sister and carry out DNA tests on the bones.

It has been revealed this week that the body lying in

FLY SWAT

From Page 1 Javier for 2013, suggest nothing concrete will happen for some time - if ever.

Despite the general uncertainty and lack of confidence that the airport will ever open, Pedro Alberto Cruz, Murcia’s councillor for tourism and infrastructure, insists that the airport WILL open, that

everything is in place, all the tests have been passed, and that the authorities are just waiting for the final details.

And the businesses (such as car rental companies or estate agents) that will benefit from the opening are also taking a more positive line than the more sceptical opponents of the airport.

her sister's grave is that of another infant.

The National Toxicology Institute confirmed that the tests found no biological relation between the exhumed remains and María José's parents, Antonio Picó and Francisca Robles.

Antonio says he was given a tiny coffin and handed it over to the undertakers back in 1962, but in their grief, the family did not think to enquire further.

The case had been archived until María José appealed and had it reopened and the body exhumed.

Two other cases in Alicante province have

been archived by the prosecution service in the last year.

One involved a woman who had always been convinced her twin sister was stolen, rather than died, and filed a case when she saw a lady at an event in Castalla who looked almost identical to her.

But tests found they were not related.

The other occurred in Orihuela and full details are not known.

Spain's first criminal trial in the 'stolen baby' case was against a nun known as Sor María, who had delivered María Luisa's baby girl 30 years previously and told her that she had been taken away as the mother was a 'whore', given that the child's father was not her husband.

María Luisa and Pilar were reunited last year, 30 years after the birth.

The nun passed away before the trial was concluded.

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Friday Partly Cloudy High 19° Low 14° Chance of rain 40% Monday Sunny High 23° Low 11° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Sunny High 22° Low 9° Chance of rain 0%

Saturday Sunny High 24° Low 11° Chance of rain 0% Wednesday Sunny High 21° Low 12° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Sunny High 22° Low 12° Chance of rain 0% Thursday Showers High 19° Lo 12° Chance of rain 62%

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Friday, March 29, 2013

CAR-BOOT RACISM? NO WAY! I would like to comment on the letter in Issue 109 about racist shame at the carboot.

I was behind the two cars that had pulled up and blocked the entire entrance. At first I thought nothing of it, until I saw a very concerned young girl being cornered by six people that seemed to be very angry and rude towards this girl. As they pulled away they drove off knocking all the signs over, I then pulled ahead in my car, and a young girl said you needed to pay 50 cents to park. I said, of course. She seemed quite upset.

I then asked if she was OK and she said no. She had explained to the people that you needed to either pay the 10 euro to sell

Confrontation could effect child LETTERS EXTRA or to pay 50 cent to park, She said that they refused to pay and also threatened her, which led her to swear at them.

I thought it was quite unfair for a newspaper to have classified someone as racist.

Since this has happened I have spoken to the young girl and she has told me people are now shouting and threatening her while she is working in the car park.

She has a year-old daughter and is now concerned that she may be affected by this

accusation.

Apart from that Black Seven was never open on a Saturday, only a Sunday.

Also, I saw many nationalities that day and the day after, so I am sure that this new up and running car boot is not racist in any way.

I had a lovely time, good bargains, good bar area, and the atmosphere almost reminds me of the good times at Black Seven.

Good luck to them and to the young girl that works there.

SALLY WALKER

TIME TO TAKE OFF Euro chiefs spell it out to Ryanair and Co

RYANAIR’S airport policy of charging a fee of up to £150 to correct a wrongly spelt name on a flight booking is to be halted – by the European Union.

The axing of all such charges is part of new package of EU consumer measures.being processed with the aim of helping passengers.

Easyjet will also have to axe their £50 fee for the same service when the new laws come into effect in early 2015, subject to the approval of member states and the European Parliament,.

Another new law decrees that airlines which cancel flights will have to

book passengers on rival carriers if they cannot offer one of their own within 12 hours..

Airlines are already required to refund passengers when flights are cancelled. However, they have frequently been accused of trying to dodge their obligations by forcing customers to drag them through the courts to obtain compensation.

Under the changes, airlines will also have to pay for a maximum of three nights hotel accommodation if passengers are stranded because of cancelled flights.

60-YEAR HITCH

From page 1 lations from Her Majesty was among their Diamond Wedding surprises.

Fred, a civil engineer by profession, spent 40 years working for the DOE in Portsmouth. He and Eileen, now 79, came to Spain 13 years ago and now live at Playa Flamenca.

Their big day was boosted by the arrival from England yesterday of their daughter Denise. And another celebration is planned

when they go back to the UK in May - a party with the family and seven grandchildren (their son Martin lives and teaches in Prague.)

The Courier joins in wishing Eileen and Fred many more happy years together.

Happiness they surely won’t be short of with a relationship of which they say: “We are very compatible, get on so well and are very loving towards each other.’’

And there’s also that little matter of pillow talk…

THE EDITOR replies: Sally, the Courier did not classify anyone as racist. Please get your facts right. We merely published Ahmed Rezzoug’s letter of complaint in his own words and would have added a reply had we been able to contact those in charge of the market. We would not normally have published your letter, either, because it carried no address or contact number.

However, since to some degree it expresses the ‘other side’ of the argument, we are making an exception on this occasion. However, we cannot confirm whether or not this letter is an accurate record of what actually happened.

THIS WEEK IN SPAIN

q

Hervé Falciani, the former HSBC employee who in 2009 uncovered a massive tax fraud affecting 130,000 Spanish bank accounts, has provided new information about hundreds of evaders who have escaped Treasury control.

Sources close to the investigation claim that among those listed are various Valencian PP leaders, who are currently being investigated in the Gürtel case, as well as others not previously linked to the case to date. Those politicians who collaborated with accused businessman Francisco Correa allegedly kept funds hidden in HSBC accounts in Switzerland. However, the Swiss Government refuses to share the details with the Spanish authorities, as it claims that the records were stolen during a computer hacking incident.

q

The prosecution likened former Mayor of Bigastro, José Joaquín Moya to "a thief who steals something great, then returns it when it is worn out ". Moya, once one of the most prominent PSOE figureheads in the Vega Baja, resigned from office following his arrest by the Guardia Civil on October 28, 2008. Several cases concerning irregularities in the approval of planning permission, involving the former Mayor and a council technician, are still being investigated and they face 15 years in prison. They face up to 15 months in prison. Last September, Moya was banned for seven years from public duties, along with Secretary, Antonio Saseta, for putting a 35,000 square metre plot of protected public land up for auction, which he hoped would be developed into a small golf course and luxury apartments.

q

A woman aged between 50 to 60 died in San Vicente del Raspeig after being hit by a train. It is believed she was en route to the nearby cemetery to lay flowers for a deceased relative, when she too lost her life on the tracks.

According to sources from the Guardia Civil and Renfe, the woman had attempted to cross midway through an unauthorised area, which is frequently used as short-cut by pedestrians as the fences are broken.

q

Hospitals in Torrevieja and Elche have joined forces in the launch of a comprehensive care programme to improve the detection of breast cancer. Thanks to the introduction of new technology, the two centres have more than 100 professionals at their disposal in the field of cancer prevention, detection and treatment. The hospitals favour a multidisciplinary approach, in which different types of medical specialists will collaborate to improve the care and monitoring of cancer patients.

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Friday, March 29, 2013

Friday, March 29, 2013

The dancing Duchess turns 87 years young The Duchess of Alba owns more titles than the Queen, has a fortune estimated at £3billion, and is said to be able to cross her country from north to south without leaving her estates.

As Spain's most famous aristocrat, the socialite's vast wealth is preceded only by her colossal reputation as a woman who has lived life to the fullest; she has outlived two husbands, remarried at the grand age of 85, and counts Hollywood stars like Tom Cruise as acquaintances.

The Duchess, known as Cayetana Fitz-James Stuart, shows no intention of slowing down even as she turns 87.

Her birthday is today (Friday) and is likely to be spent celebrating at Las Dueñas Palace – her 16th-century Renaissance estate which sprawls over 9,542 square metres of land in Seville.

It was there she defied her critics and married civil servant Alfonso Diez, 25 years her junior, in October 2011. That celebration ended with an energetic jig that would tax people half her age.

Spanish Police smash huge child porn ring The Guardia Civil have arrested 21 people and charged a further 11 over the possession of child pornography.

The arrests came in three separate operations across 19 provinces, including in Santa Cruz de Tenerife in the Canary Islands.

According to a Guardia spokesman, the accused shared pornographic material through a peer-topeer (P2P), file-sharing network and raids have led to the confiscation of many comput-

ers, hard drives and other computer storage devices.

Raids were conducted in the provinces of Sevilla, Albacete, Valencia, Almeria, Madrid, Granada, Malaga, Tarragona, Zaragoza, Vizcaya, Barcelona, Cadiz, Cantabria, Navarre, Santa Cruz de Tenerife, Murcia, Burgos, and Salamanca Castellón, after an initial investigation, which began in May last year following a tip-off from a member of the public.

A NEW technique has been developed by Alicante University to reduce and even eradicate the symptoms of Parkinson’s disease.

The innovative treatment is also beneficial for patients with depression and obsessive-compulsive disorders. The neurosurgery department of Alicante General Hospital have used the latest technology in brain stimulation, which consists of implanting one or more surgical electrodes into the brain of the patient, in a similar way to a pacemaker.

Last February, Pedro Moreno and his team carried out the procedure on a 64year-old patient suffering from a type of

Parkinson’s. They have managed to reduce the trembling by 60-70%, which the patient had been living with for the past five years, thus improving his quality of life substantially.

Moreno says that inn other types of Parkinson’s, it may be possible to reduce the shaking by 100% assures Moreno.

The procedure has also been trialled on patients with epilepsy and obesity, with good results - and tests are being carried out on people with Alzheimer’s to see if their memory can be restored.

The operation lasts approximately six hours, during which the patient will be conscious most of the time.

The Mar Menor will once again be protected against jellyfish this summer. Some 43 kilometres of netting is being prepared for placement around the most popular bathing areas to protect swimmers from being stung. The nets should all be in

place in June and stay there until September.

Twelve fishing boats from San Pedro will also be used to capture jellyfish in the middle of the Mar Menor, in a bid to stop them over-reproducing.

Is Alicante’s brainwave a cure for Parkinson’s?

A jellyfish stinger

DAVID´S COACHTRIPS PHONE NUMBER Coachtrips SL are pleased to announce that our original phone number of +34 966785910 is now back in

action. Our sincere apologies to all our clients for the inconvenience this caused.

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Friday, March 29, 2013

editor@thecourier.es

COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

The advice visitors must heed I refer to the article on page 3 of your current edition (Issue 109) entitled “Passport to Panic” It is only right and correct to warn prospective visitors of the types of crime that they may be victims of when visiting Spain.

There are a large number of such incidents in cities such as Barcelona and Madrid and we continuously warn people about crime on the Spanish motorways near to these cities.

I can only speak for the Orihuela Costa and Laguna Green, where we have 93 Neighbourhood Watch

Groups on 134 Residencias and collect monthly their numbers and types of crime.

These figures are also given to the Guardia Civil and Policia Local for their information. Since 2008, when crime was high, it has dropped dramatically to an all-time low.

Of course, we are not privy to the official figures and can only take ours as a guideline. I attribute this to the professional and efficient police forces in the shape of the Guardia Civil and Policia Local together with the residents, who

are quick to report any suspicious incidents as they are occurring.

I have no doubt the situation is similar in other parts of the Costa Blanca, particularly where there are effective Neighbourhood Watch schemes.

Visitors to this area should not be put off coming here but should heed the advice offered and take the same precautions they would in their own areas.

CHRIS POOLE (Orihuela Costa and Laguna Green Neighbourhood Watch)

TIME FOR ORIHUELA COSTA TO BE FREED!

THERE is hardly a week when the role of Bob over grown and deteriorating into chaos and play and sport Houliston is not examined and evaluated in one areas are unsafe.

How can Orihuela lay claim to the coastal areas? This of the local papers.

Martina Scheurer

Ambulances: Our demand to Valencia RE the night-time ambulance service for Orihuela Costa, unfortunately I cannot say anything that would put people’s minds at rest, as I am very concerned about it myself.

If you have followed the last pleno (nearly one month ago) and the different press releases published regarding this matter, you will certainly know that the decision is not at all coming from the Town Hall, but from the Consellería in Valencia.

In the last plenary meeting we agreed unanimously to insist with the Consellería to have the ambulance back and to show our concern about this further "recorte".

In fact at the moment Orihuela Costa depends at night time on the ambulance of Torrevieja, which personally I also think is a very big problem for all the Spanish people, the residents and the visitors of Orihuela Costa.

MARTINA SCHEURER Councillor for the Coast, Beaches and International Residents

This individual has the misfortune to be the sole represen- issue should be a key concern of all Orihuela Costa resitative of the large and important expat and Spanish commu- dents. The whole idea of Orihuela having a coast is laughnity from Orihuela Costa. One would need to be a superman able. The distance between the two areas is approximately to be able to meet all the demands of this large and diverse 30 kilometers, without any public transport facilities linking the two areas. The occasional bus laid on from area, and it seems that no matter what this the coast to Orihuela city so that the Costa resindividual does one group or another soon idents can enjoy the rich and expensive fiestas jumps on the never ending bandwagon of enjoyed by the city is pure tokenism. How can criticising his perceived effectiveness. it be justified that there are no public transport What seems to be so clearly missing from links to the administrative, social and cultural all the debates is the lack of real representacentre? Any resident without access to motor tion for Orihuela Costa. The population differtransport has a notorious difficult journey to the ence between Orihuela City and Orihuela city. Doesn’t it seem absurd that it is easier Costa is just 706 according to the recent cenfrom a resident of Torrevieja to go by bus to sus statistics, with the population of the Orihuela than a resident from Orihuela Costa?

Orihuela at 33,943 and 33,227 on the coast.

Costa residents are continually fighting for However if we look at the political makeup of small amenities while the real fight should be our so called democratic council we see that the coast hardly contributes any elected Bob Houliston....targeted for equitable distribution of resources and real democratic representation.

Statistically councillors to the decision making machinery based in Orihuela. How can this be democracy when a pop- Orihuela Costa should have equal number of councillors on ulation of 33,227 people has so few councillors who are actu- the council as the city has. Without this the area will continue to fight for peanuts instead of demanding equality with the ally coastal residents?

Is it any wonder that the political machinery which is virtu- city.

For the past 20 years Orihuela Costa has been the cash ally totally residents of Orihuela City use the coastal area as a cash cow for the betterment of Orihuela City? One only cow for the betterment of Orihuela city. Resources and needs to wander through parks of the two localities to see the amenities are drained from the coastal population to enrich unequal distribution of expenditure on maintenance of these the city. Perhaps the debate should now be for independence for the Costa, a total separation from Orihuela. Once public areas.

The parks of the city are well kept, gardens are excellently this happens the coastal region would be able to plan and maintained, walkways are kept clear of weeds and play develop the area for the benefit for the actual residents.

With independence political representation would be by areas are safe for children to use. Compare this with the dreadful state of the open spaces on the coastal urbanisa- people actually living in the area.

JAN HOLDEN, Resident, Orihuela Costa tions. Here pathways are impassable, well planted areas are

Iceland gave me the cold shoulder I WAS interested to read your report on the Iceland fiasco (Issue 108).

You may be interested to learn that many months ago I went in to Iceland and as we got to the door, my husband noticed the trolleys just outside, so went along to collect one. I stood there and waited for him.

However, all of a sudden two large sliding electric glass doors

came up and knocked me into the store. I could not get up for ages.

An ambulance crew was called who were most helpful. At Torrevieja Hospital they X-rayed me, gave me medication for the pain and kept me in hospital with four cracked ribs for five days. I was 72 at the time and the treatment was unequalled.

On return home (we live in Spain) I enquired at my solicitor about

making a formal claim. Iceland did not answer ANYTHING. After many hours and time spent on this claim, quite apart from my husband needing to drive to the hospital daily and look after himself, absolutely nothing from Iceland – not even an apology. We have since noted that they have had the sliding doors replaced.

Mrs J M WILSON (via website)

10 EASTER YOLKS TO DOUBLE YOU UP IT'S Easter once more and eggs, apart from bonnets, processions, a green hill far away and Jesus's crucifixion, are very topical.

Well, this eggstraordinary tale is absolutely true and I'm not yolking.

My husband and I moved to Spain 18 months ago from a lovely village in South-West France, Champagnac De Belair near Brantome.

Our surrounding area had hundreds of free range chickens in the hedgerows and they ran across the Avenue to forage in the sunflower fields which nestled by the lovely river Dronne, before returning to the safety of their night time dens, away from Mr Fox. These were sometimes adapted from old vans and cars, especially by the chickens belonging to M. Rubette, the local car fixer and mechanic, who lived on the Avenue.

We only had a couple of double-yolk eggs during our two-and-a-half years of living in rural France and

EDITOR’S NOTE: Letters and emails will only be considered for publication in The Courier if an address and contact number are provided (not for publication) eating fresh local eggs from young chickens. .

We recently bought a tray of 10 huevos extragrande from Consum in Quesada and although unbelievable, NINE out of the 10 were double yolkers, so double the amount of vitamin B. The odds of that are akin to winning the big one in the Gordo lottery.

Apparently chickens who are first layers with a less mature hormone system can produce double yolk eggs. But nine out of 10 at Easter?!

We've been back for some more but all only one yolk this time, sadly. Each time we cracked an egg and had a double yolk we were getting accustomed to it; the chances are around 1,000 to one for one double yolk egg, we have since learnt. All the best for a cracking Easter.

KATHRYN POUCHER and MALC BARLOW, El Raso

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Friday, March 29, 2013

AS EASY AS DDD IN the fullness of emptiness (otherwise known as dieting), a stone and a half is not a massive amount of weight to lose.

Who said you can’t eat Indian and Chinese and lose weight?

I am not in the same league as those ‘Slimmer of the Year’ winners the formal diet groups use to promote their weighers (that’s a play on ‘wares’, you know I can’t resist a pun).

Anyway, I mean those sylph-like ladies whose ‘before’ picture portrays a bouncy castle with a moonface perched on it – and whose ‘after’ photo makes Kate Moss look like Humpty Dumpty.

At the start of this week, my official weight was 84.8 kilos (187lbs) – a far cry from the 205.5lbs I blubbered in at 11 weeks ago.

It’s now reached the stage where people are actually NOTICING that I’m visibly less portly than when I began Dumpy Old Gran’s Sponsored Diet 11 weeks ago.

I’ve also been staggered at Fry as little as possible the number of strangers who if you have do, fry it in its offer me encouragement and own juices advice – and ask me whether Eat lots of fresh veg and I am following the fruit Weightwatchers, Slimming Avoid biscuits, cakes, World or whatever diet. sweets and gooey It happens just about desserts (two squares of everywhere from supermarchocolate allowed each day). ket car parks to Indian And finally, as little alcorestaurants and even Wok hol as possible.

Buffets.

Fish and most meats are Yes, believe it or not, OK as long as grilled, ovenDonna’s Delicious Diet cooked or microwaved. I opt allows me to dine out three for chicken much of the time or four nights a week – and for health reasons, while still lose weight. steaks are reserved for It’s all down to instinct. I restaurant forays. For me, a have friends who keep telling medium-rare sirloin accomme I am doing it the wrong panied by a nice salad takes way but I am losing weight some beating, even when I and they aren’t, so there! am not dieting.

Anyway, I tailored my own At this rate, I’ll soon be the diet to keep it simple. The best judge of steaks in the basic DDD rules are…

Costas (all offers gratefully Minimal intake of bread, accepted!)

And those Indian and potatoes, pasta and rice

Chinese outings? Well, I can still get away with a Tandoori mixed grill, which was always my favourite Indian dish anyway – plus ONE poppadom.

The difference is that I used to drown it all in curry sauce and top it up with a Peshwari nan. Fat lot of good it did me.

Until Sunday, I had a blanket ban on Chinese food because so much of it is fried. But since my three companions voted unanimously to stop off at a Wok Buffet and I was in someone else’s car, my plan was to just sip a drink while the others poured oodles of grease into their digestive systems.

Had this been a traditional Chinese restaurant, I would not have eaten. But I had no problem jumping out of the frying pan, tempting as it was, and enjoying a large prawn and tuna salad. That

I’M beginning to think I have a Fairy Godmother whose magic wand only works from 6pm on a Tuesday until around midday Wednesday.

That’s the only way I can explain the bizarre plunge my weight seems to take in the 24 hours prior to my official weekly weigh-in.

I keep pretty solidly to the diet regime I have set myself, yet it’s only in the immediate build-up to stepping onto the scales at the Beauty and Wellness Centre in Pueblo Bravo that I finally seem to sink below the weight recorded the previous Wednesday.

Last week, when I lost 1.2 kilos (2lb 10oz), my

scales at home at around 86.5 kilos (compared to 84.8 the previous week). By Wednesday they were reading me as low as 83.6 kilos- and at weigh-in I was 84.1.

Those in the know like Lyndsey and her assistant Val tell me I should only weigh myself once a week.

But old habits die hard – and old journalists are like Alice in Wonderland; they just get curiouser and curiouser.

The good news is that I have now lost more than 20lbs - and feel 20 times healthier than I did when I set out on January 10 to lose 35lb - of 116 kilos - by the end of June.

l l l

l

l

Salad days... it may look boring but I really enjoyed my Chinese meal with a difference on Sunday

I’ll do it my weigh!

TOTAL LOSS, 11 WEEKS

9.1 kilos

(20 lbs or 1st 6lb) Start weight 93.2 kg Weight now 84.1 kg Goal weight 77.2 lbs

bathroom scales (which tally almost identically with Centre owner Lyndsey’s indicated a GAIN of up to one kilo the day before my weigh-in. So in effect, I lost 3lb 10oz or more in 24 hours. Unlikely, maybe – but the same thing happened this week.

On Tuesday, I tipped the

was followed by a cocktail of fresh strawberries, lychees and kiwi fruit, none of which broke my self-imposed rules.

My friends tell me I should drink eight glasses of water a day, that I can’t do it without lots of exercise and that I mustn’t eat after 7pm.

So what am I doing right?

Still, the way things are going, I’ll soon be a catwalk figure. Yes, I’ll be able to walk my cats that challenging 200 metres to the recycling bins and back without gasping for breath!

As well as my ongoing weight reduction, I’ve also lost a total of 55 centimetres in body measurements, including eight centimetres

off my midriff. And that’s with very little exercise because of the danger of straining my less-than-perfect heart.

Going back to the diet itself, I never did eat a lot of carbohydrates, so it’s been no problem cutting out chips, pizza, pasta and potatoes, and minimising my bread intake.I’ve also developed a taste for fresh cabbage, cauliflower, carrots etc, which go down nicely with roast chicken, cold meats, salmon and tuna.

I’ve got into a routine that is rapidly becoming a lifestyle, rather than a fooddeprivation experience. And I can’t imagine ever going back to my old greedy ways, which would have killed me.

FREEZE! I’M GOING BANANAS SNACKING every hour or two on interesting things like olives, pickled gherkins and cherry tomatoes seems to do my diet no damage. But my favourite nibble is a frozen banana! They taste much nicer frozen and last a lot longer - just try one and see! Peel it before you freeze it or you’ll never get the skin off. Eat it like a lollipop (it will soften gradually as you nibble) but beware freezing fingers.

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Friday, March 29, 2013

Friday, March 29, 2013

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Friday, March 29, 2013

PUB PALS AT PLAY

I ONCE took my pub colleagues to the theatre for a cultural evening. Never again. Not after the curtain descended prematurely on my earnest endeavours.

'It was all your fault,' declared Dave the barman when we discussed the fiasco the other night. 'You should have made it clear where we were going.'

'But I did!' I countered.

'Everybody knew we were going to see a classical piece of work. That is why I insisted we all wore shirts and ties -and trousers, of course.'

But Dave the barman insisted I was to blame. 'You said was that we were off to visit the local Lyceum. For all we knew we could have been going for a game of bingo.'

'Rubbish!' I pointed out.

'That was before the Lyceum became a bingo hall. It was still a theatre then. My mother went to see Billy Liar there with Albert Finney.'

There was a stunned

silence. 'Your mother KNEW Albert Finney?' gasped Ol' Red Eyes, waking up at that precise moment from yet another beer-befugged sleep at the bar.

'Don't be obtuse, my slumbering friend,' I admonished him. 'Just because I muddled up my sentence construction. Albert Finney, of course, starred in the play. My mother actually went to see the production with her best pal, Florrie Eccleston.

'But we're wandering off the subject here,' I went on.

'I want to know precisely what you lot thought I did wrong when that classic evening of culture ended in chaos.'

'You made one fundamental error, my friend,' said

Dave the barman. 'You arranged for us to see a spectacle more orientated toward the tastes and values of a discerning audience.

And don't ask me to repeat what I just said -- it was hard

enough the first time.'

'Stop insulting your customers, Dave,' I countered.

'Just because we all gather in your pub every night talking tripe and trivia doesn't mean we're a hopeless bunch of Philistines. Credit us with some intelligence!'

Daft Barry raised a hand in the air. 'Point of order -whatever that means.

What play did you say Florrie Eccleston starred in?'

'I rest my case,' sighed Dave the barman.

At that point a travelling salesman approached the bar and rested HIS case.

'I couldn't help overhearing your discussion about the pub's doomed theatre outing,' the sales representative said.

All of my mates who were clustered around the bar pointed an accusing finger at me. 'It was Silver's fault,' they

chorused.

'Okay, okay,' I admitted.

'Maybe it was a mistake taking the lads to see Shakespeare's Hamlet.'

'Hamlet? That's a tragedy isn't it?' queried the travelling salesman.

'It certainly turned out that way,' I mumbled.

'So what happened?' asked the rep. 'Did your cronies not understand the iambic pentameter of the dialogue?'

'Lord knows,' I replied, wondering what the hell the guy was talking about.

'Anyway, the trouble started before anyone had uttered a line. The first character was about to speak when Daft Barry suddenly leapt from his seat and yelled out: "He's behind you!"'

'I screwed up big time,' I finally fully admitted. 'I'd explained to the lads before we entered the auditorium that the play was about a Dane. But Daft Barry must

have misheard and thought I'd said a Dame. He obviously thought we were about to watch a pantomime.

'Consequently, Daft Barry was ejected from the theatre.

We didn’t trust him to get home on his own so we all left with him. And that's the story.'

Dave the barman was studying the rep's travel case. 'So what do you sell?'

'I work for a paperback publishers and I wondered if you and your customers would be interested in buying a book of pub jokes. But forget it. There's nothing in my collection that could beat the story I just heard.'

As the salesman left the pub he burst into laughter, loudly repeating the punchline: 'He's behind you!'

Ol' Red Eyes came instantly awake again and called out: 'Where's my theatre binoculars? Why didn't someone tell me Hamlet had started?'

11

Friday, March 29, 2013

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Lesson 64 HOLA! I hope you have had a good week and are ready to see how you got on with last week’s translations. Always bear in mind that sometimes you will not be able to say what you want to in Spanish the same way you would say it in English.

When learning a language, you have to be able to adapt what you want to say and think of ways to say something that makes sense even though it may not be absolutely correct Spanish or is not the way a native speaker would say it.

So here are the answers to last week’s translations, I hope you got them all correct and any you got wrong I hope you know why. Any doubts, always ask me via The Courier or ask someone else who speaks Spanish.

Put it on the table! - ponlo en la mesa, Are you thirsty? ¿tienes sed?, I have a bath every day – me baño todos los días (cada día), I´m going to do it – voy a hacerlo, What are you asking for? - ¿qué pides?, Do you want two or three potatoes? - ¿quieres dos o tres patatas?, She likes her new car – Ella le gusta su coche nuevo, This cake is really tasty – esta tarta es muy rica, The programme begins at five o´clock – El programa comienza a las cinco, Are you going to eat it? - ¿Vas a comerlo?, Have you seen the film? ¿has visto la película?, Do you have to go now? ¿tienes que ir ahora?, I like dogs – me gustan los perros, I always bring food to the party – siempre traigo comida a la fiesta, I want to give you a hug – quiero darte un abrazo, Tell me! - ¡dime!, I only want a sandwich – sólo quiero un sandwich, If I go to the cinema I will want two drinks and lots of popcorn – si voy al cine querré dos bebidas y muchas palomitas, I have a friendly, honest friend – tengo un amigo simpático y sincero, This book is better than the other – Esto libro es mejor que el otro

Here are the answers to the longer translations: Tomorrow is my friend’s birthday, He will go to the shops and will buy something that he likes. _ Mañana es el cumpleaños de mi amigo, irá a las tiendas y comprará algo que le gusta.

If you are going to do it, will you please do it later – si vas a hacerlo, por favor lo harás más tarde.

I am ready to go to the shops now when will you be ready? Estoy listo/a para ir a las tiendas, ¿cuándo estarás listo/a?

I have been to her house many times but I can´t go any more – He ido a su casa muchas veces pero no puedo ir más.

There are a lot of people in the town centre, is there a party or something there? - Hay muchas personas (mucha gente) en el centro, ¿hay una fiesta o algo allí?

We walk through the park every day, I like the flowers and the trees – andamos por el parque cada día, me gustan los flores y los arboles.

Me baño todos los dias

We are going to see him next week if I have time – vamos a verle la semana que viene si tengo tiempo.

I have seen the film lots of times and I like it very much – he visto la película muchas veces y me gusta mucho.

Tomorrow we will get up early because we have a lot to do – mañana nos levantaremos pronto (temprano) porque tenemos mucho que hacer.

My friends have bought a big house in the country and soon I will visit them – mis amigos han comprado una casa grande en el campo y pronto los visitaré Tell me what will happen if I don´t go to the bank – cuéntame lo que pasará si no voy al banco Have you asked for help with your homework or can you do it on your own? - ¿Has pedido ayuda con tus deberes o lo puedes hacer solo?

I speak Spanish and I can understand more or less most words – Hablo español y puedo entender más o menos la mayoría de las palabras.

It´s cold outside but I will still go to the shops because I need food – Hace frío afuera pero iré todavía a las tiendas porque necesito comida.

How did you get on? Be sure to let me know how you are finding the lessons, I am always interested in feedback from readers and enjoy hearing from you.

We now are able to use a few different tenses to say things have happened in the past and will happen in the future. Over the next few weeks I will go over a few of the more useful verbs that you will find yourself using quite often. Some we will have touched on in previous lessons however it always good to revise and I will be going into more detail about the verbs meaning and uses.

I hope you keep revising any translations you did not get correct and next week more verbs to learn and put into context.

Como siempre, ¡que tengas una buena semana!

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Friday, March 29, 2013

WHY THE DOGS NETWORK CAN TEACH US SO MUCH

MANY clients call me with a similar problem- their dogs do not mix well with other dogs.

This really is a common problem for many people and to solve it, we need to look at how the human is approaching the problem. Many people get anxious when they see another dog and this unbalanced emotion then goes straight to your dog, who picks up that you are nervous about the one approaching.

The rule to remember is that whatever emotion you are feeling, your dog will know instantly. That is why I always say to my clients that I have to change THEM before we can start doing any work with their dog.

So if you have a dog that does not react well with other dogs, you need to concentrate on how you are feeling, together with the fact that the lead should always be loose when dogs meet each other. A tense lead is just that - tension.

Negative emotions can plague the human mind and although we as humans have the ability to be creative, the downside to this is that we can also suffer from pessimistic thoughts and memories.

If you are with your dog and are feeling anxious or nervous, your dog will pick up that you are unstable. If you are angry or frustrated, your dog will then pick up that you are weak. This is nothing personal from your dog to you, it is just Dogs have a lot more to teach us than we have to teach them the way they digest your emotions.

My work involves making sure the human does not show yesterday or what they may do in the future. You need to signs of anxiety, nerves, frustration or anger. Many people sync into the dogs network, which is living in this moment, not believe this is a ‘tough ask’, but believe me, it is easily possi- the past or the future. ble. Dogs follow calm, that is a fact. They also follow someI use to constantly live in the past or the future and often one who is displaying leadership qualities. displayed signs of nerves, anxiety, frustration and anger.

Don’t go walking your dog, thinking about what they did That was before dogs taught me their network and thankfully

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Pablo would make a very good companion.

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He is a loving little dog who wants to please and is very responsive to training.

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I am now a changed man. That is why I have the deepest respect for dogs -because they taught me how to live.

My business is called The Dog You Need for that very reason. You don’t get the dog you want, you get the dog you need! I have always known that dogs have far more to teach us than we could ever teach them. The problem is, though, that many of the human species do not actually realise this.

They believe they are the superior species, but I can assure you they are not.

If every human had the four qualities that dogs have in abundance, which are (1) no ego, (2) instant forgiveness, (3) living in the now, not the past or the future and (4) following calm, what do you think the world would be like? It would be a very different place to the one we know!

This is what I mean by following the ‘dogs network’. This is what they taught me.

What many humans teach each other is how to win, how to beat the next person or how to gain more money. Again this can lead to stress, because too much demand has been inflicted on one person.

Acceptance was a big word I had to learn the meaning of and again that is what dogs do. They accept and make the best of any given moment. So if you really want to know the secret to a happy life, just take a look at your furry friend next to you. Because they do have the answer!

Friday, March 29, 2013

13

LÍNEA DIRECTA REPORTS ON DRIVING IN WINTER

Línea Directa is one of the key players in the fight to reduce the number of accidents on our roads. For almost 20 years, it has promoted research into accident rates in order to encourage safe driving habits. Due to the risks involved with driving in winter months, it now offers advice on how to act in adverse weather conditions.

With respect to the car: 1.Check your car, especially the mechanical components. Pay attention to brakes, lights, windscreen wipers and brake fluid, antifreeze and oil levels.

2. Don’t forget to check the condition of your tyres including the spare wheel, checking pressure, tread and the grooves of each tyre, which must have a minimum depth of 1.6mm.

3. Always take a reflective jacket, two warning triangles and a torch with you. Also ensure that your mobile is charged in case you need to use it in an emergency.

With respect to driving: 1. If you often drive in snow, consider buying winter tyres. In any case, avoid any sudden movements and, as a general rule, do not overtake. Take special care with snow which has turned into ice and always drive at low speeds.

2. If it is foggy or raining, adapt your speed and distance from the vehicle ahead to the weather conditions. Do not brake suddenly to avoid skidding.

3. Aim the vehicle’s heating system at the windows to prevent them from fogging up as a result of humidity.

4. When overtaking, reaching crossroads, leaving tunnels and in open spaces, be careful with any sudden gusts of wind, which might lead to a loss of steering and the vehicle overturning.

Call now for more information on 902 123 104

14

Friday, March 29, 2013

WRITING ON THE WALL

WE all need a distraction sometimes from the things that life throws at us.

Spring is coming, I am now a fully fledged member once again of TeamSingle and looking forward to warmer evenings with my son at the park or at a bar with friends.

I was reading some Facebook posts the other day by people complaining about status updates that they had decided were mundane or uninteresting, and I couldn´t help but think that sometimes we need the mundane and seemingly uninteresting in order to cope with the harshness of reality that life throws at us.

Sometimes our favourite sports team winning or something happening in a television programme helps us to forget just for a moment that we may have difficulties or are struggling and we can, for that moment be happy and content, looking forward and enjoying the moment.

I have just had a difficult week, have not felt much like doing anything but time spent on the Internet, planning lessons or talking with some very good friends helped pass those moments that would otherwise have gone by with me feeling a bit down. So if I want to write about how I feel on Facebook or any other social site, why shouldn´t I? To be honest I didn´t write very much, I do prefer to keep some things to myself and close friends but I can understand why some people do write on their pages, whatever site they feel most comfortable on, I name Facebook but of course there are lots of sites, the only other one I use is Twitter but I´m sure many others are there for the public to share their ups and downs.

Writing can be a release, it is well known that expressing

your feelings on paper and then reading them back can help a person come to terms with a difficulty in their life, even if the piece of paper then just ends up in the bin.

Letters have also long been used to tell people how we feel when we just cannot face doing it in person. Sometimes spoken words fail us and time can be taken to write down our feelings; also the written word can be more powerful because it is there, indelibly etched onto a piece of paper or computer screen.

There can be no going back once the words are there, once spoken of course words also cannot be taken back but one can always claim the words were not meant and were said in the heat of the moment. That is not so easy to do with the written word, although nowadays of course with e-mails a hasty response is easier to achieve. It takes time to write

an e-mail and there is always the possibility that the words can seem inappropriate when read back. I try never to write in the heat of the moment. However I may be feeling, I do try at least to take a breath before I write anything that could be regretted at a later date.

But back to my earlier point of writing down and sharing with the world (or at least your circle of friends/followers) all your ups and downs, or the latest happenings in your favourite soap or sports team.

Is it so wrong to tell people that your ex boyfriend is an idiot or that all men are liars, or that someone has been talking behind your back? I say no, if you are happy to share that information and it makes you feel better, and the words are not offensive then go for it.

After all there is always a button that says block this person’s posts or ‘unfriend’, there are choices if you´re not happy with reading about other people lives.

It can be easy to forget that people write on these sites for a reason. OK they may be attention-seeking fools with an inflated ego, in which case the ‘unfriend’ button is there, but they also might be very lonely with the words they find themselves writing a comfort and support in their dark hours.

They also might be genuinely pleased that their team won and a bit of banter between rival fans can make for some interesting reading, especially if the reader is not affiliated to either team.

So, never dismiss ‘ posts or call them mundane or boring.

Reach out to them and help, after all if you´re reading it then surely the person is someone you know, and we all sometimes need understanding and support.

We all need a shoulder at times, and if you can help someone get through a dark moment, then maybe one day they´ll do the same for you.

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Friday, March 29, 2013

DAVID CAMERON has played a much-needed PR card for his Conservative Party by promising tougher action over immigrants who come to the UK and want unfettered access to unemployment benefits.

Applicants will have to show that they have a “reasonable” chance of finding a job to get benefits for longer than six months, but what “reasonable” means is anybody’s guess.

I suspect, though, that his remarks were being direct-

GETTING REAL ON BENEFIT CLAIMS ed at disillusioned supporters who are flirting with UKIP, as EU rules on migration and unemployment give little or no room for manoeuvre over such matters.

The massive problem over immigration in the UK is that no p r o p e r debate over the issue has ever taken place, with few facts being declared as opposed to extremist headlines in tabloid papers. So, just for starters, according

to the government’s own figures, some 17% of workingage UK nationals are claiming benefits, compared to just 7% of working-age, nonUK nationals.

At first glance, that doesn’t seem to be too bad, but why should facts get in the way of winning cheap votes on the back of irrational fears and prejudices?

As we’ve enjoyed some good Spanish weather, Britain has had some of the worst March shivers in 50 years. The relatively unknown figure of the Energy Minister, John Hayes, has rolled up his sleeves and warned the gas companies not to put up prices as demand has gone through the roof. He said, and I quote: - “I’m a tough cookie and I will not take any nonsense from anyone”.

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The fact that Mr Hayes and all of his predecessors over the last 30-odd years have done nothing about pricing leads me to believe that this is all talk and no knickers. And by the way, if the UK government does have a statutory mechanism to peg gas prices, why have we not heard about it or seen it in action before?

You can never excuse the former deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott, of not saying what he thinks these days.

Perhaps when Labour was in power, he should have exercised more of that trait, rather than being Tony Blair’s poodle.

But the former ship’s steward sailed into rather rocky waters in his column for the Sunday Mirror, by suggesting the Queen

q

should consider abdicating because of health concerns and her increasing workload. It’s utter rubbish, and her mother performed great service for the country past her 100th birthday.

Rather than writing such drivel in a tabloid paper, why didn’t Mr.Prescott, as a Privy Councillor, muster some courage to put that point in person to Her Majesty at a convenient opportunity? Or is this just another example of Mr Prescott blowing some hot air and not actually doing anything?

I’m a fan of the London Mayor, Boris Johnson, and I enjoyed the BBC documentary about him earlier in the week. But the Blond Bombshell was torn to shreds on BBC TV on Sunday morning by the likeable Eddie Mair, who has

q

rightly won many admirers for his quietly spoken but devastating interrogation techniques on the radio.

Boris perhaps wasn’t expecting the calm Scotsman to be so probing about some of his past activities, and you could hear a pin drop when he put it to the Mayor that he was a “nasty piece of work”.

Politicians just get too easy a ride when interviewed these days and the Mair technique of being steady and incisive without raising his voice or being rude, showed that the loud and abrasive Paxman method of trying to bring big figures to account has had its day.

And in typical Boris style, he said on Monday that Mair did a “splendid job”, which of course was very true!

16

Friday, March 29, 2013

HAPPY EASTER!!!

Smart suppers and laid-back lunch recipes for entertaining over the Easter break.

ALL IN ONE SPRING ROAST CHICKEN Ingredients 1 free-range chicken, about 1.6kg/3lb 8oz 50g/ 2oz butter, softened 500g bag new potatoes 1 tbsp olive oil 150g pack baby carrots, scrubbed or peeled 140g/ 5oz podded broad bean, podded again if you like 100g/ 4oz frozen pea, defrosted good handful roughly-chopped mixed herbs (mint, tarragon, parsley, chervil and chives are all nice)

Method

1. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Sit the chicken in a good-sized roasting dish or tin. Push your fingers between the breast and skin to separate, push in some of the softened butter and gently spread over the breasts without tearing the skin. Rub the rest of the butter all over the outside of the chicken. Season well and roast for 30 mins.

2. Toss the new potatoes with the olive oil and plenty of seasoning. When the chicken comes out, scatter the spuds around it and toss with the juices in the dish, too. Put back in the oven for another 30 mins.

3. Stir the carrots into the potatoes and put back into the oven for another 20 mins.

4. Check the chicken is cooked by piercing the thigh and making sure the juices run clear. Stir the broad beans and peas into the other veg with a splash of water and put back in the oven for 5 mins. Remove from the oven, cover loosely with foil and rest for 10 mins. Scatter over and stir in the herbs before serving.

COD WITH BACON LETTUCE AND PEAS Ingredients

2 tsp sunflower oil 2 rashers rindless smoked streaky bacon, cut into small pieces 1 long shallot or small onion, very finely sliced 1 garlic clove, crushed 2 x 140g/5oz thick skinless cod fillets 140g frozen peas 200ml chicken stock, fresh or made with ½ cube 2 Little Gem lettuces, thickly shredded 2 tbsp half-fat crème fraîche 2 thick slices crusty wholegrain bread, to serve

Method 1. Heat the sunflower oil in a medium non-stick frying pan. Add the bacon, shallot or onion, and garlic. Cook gently, stirring, for 2 mins, then push to one side of the pan.

2. Season the cod with ground black pepper. Fry in the pan for 2 mins, then turn over. Add the peas and stock, and bring to a simmer. Cook over a medium heat for a further 2 mins, then add the lettuce and

crème fraîche. Cook for a couple mins more, stirring the vegetables occasionally, until the fish is just cooked and the lettuce has wilted. Serve with bread to mop up the broth.

ROAST LAMB WITH SPRING HERB CRUMBS Ingredients FOR THE CRUMBS 100g good-quality white bread 2 garlic cloves zest 1 lemon 1 tsp thyme leaves, chopped small bunch parsley, chopped 3-4 anchovy fillets, chopped (optional) FOR THE LAMB 5 carrots, cut into chunks 2 onions, cut into chunks 4 bay leaves small bunch rosemary 2 tbsp olive oil large leg of lamb, about 3kg/6lb 8oz 3 garlic cloves, thickly sliced, plus a whole bulb, halved FOR THE GRAVY 5 tbsp plain flour 200ml white wine, plus a splash 600ml lamb stock

Method

1. Heat oven to 160C/140C fan/gas 3. For the lamb, scatter the vegetables, bay leaves and a few rosemary sprigs into a large roasting tin and drizzle with the olive oil. Use a sharp knife to make little slits all over the lamb. Poke a slice of garlic and a small sprig of rosemary into each one. Sit the lamb on top of the veg in the roasting tin, add a splash of wine, then cook for 2 hrs if you like it pink, or 2 hrs 15 mins for cooked through. Remove from the oven, transfer to a board and cover with foil, then rest for 45 mins-1 hr.

2. To make the gravy, pour off most of the fat from the tin but leave the veg and any meat juices. Place the tin on the heat to caramelise the veg, then stir in the flour and cook to a paste. Gradually stir in the wine, cook for a min, then stir in the stock and simmer until you have a tasty gravy. Push the gravy through a sieve into a small pan and keep warm.

3. Turn oven up to 220C/200C fan/gas 7. For the crumbs, blitz everything in a food processor and scatter over a tray.

Bake in the oven for 10-15 mins until crisp, then re-blitz or break up with your fingers to crumbs again. These can be made in advance and kept in an airtight container for 2 days.

Serve the lamb carved into slices, sprinkled with crumbs and a jug of gravy alongside.

ROAST FILLET OF BEEF WITH MUSHROOM STUFFING Ingredients 25g dried porcini mushrooms 400g wild mushrooms 200g shallots knob of butter, plus extra for roasting 2 tbsp olive oil 1 garlic clove, crushed 2 thyme sprigs 1.5kg/3lb 5oz beef fillet FOR THE SAUCE 1 tbsp plain flour 3 tbsp brandy 400ml hot beef stock 2 tsp wholegrain mustard 2 tbsp crème fraîche handful parsley, chopped

Method

1.Tip the porcini into a bowl and pour over 250ml boiling water. Leave for 20 mins to soften and plump up, scoop out the mushrooms with a slotted spoon and finely chop, then strain the liquid (leaving behind the last drop as it might contain grit) and set aside.

2. Set aside about half the wild mushrooms, choosing those with the best shape, then finely chop the remainder. Chop 1 shallot very finely. Heat a large frying pan, add the butter and 1 tbsp olive oil, then cook the chopped shallot and garlic over a medium heat for 3-5 mins until softened. Tip in the chopped porcini and stir around the pan for 2 mins. Add the chopped mushrooms to the frying pan along with the thyme sprigs.

Cook for 10 mins until lightly browned and any liquid has

evaporated. Leave to cool.

3. Place the beef on a board. Take a sharp knife and make a slice lengthways along the fillet, about one-third of the way down, so it folds out like a book. One side of the beef should now be thicker than the other. Make another lengthways slice along the thick half of beef so the beef unfolds to a flat, evenly thick piece of meat, about the size of an A4 page. Spread the mushroom mixture all over the beef and season really well. Tightly roll up the beef to reform into a log and tie about 8 pieces of string around to secure well.

4. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Place a large heavybased roasting tin over a high heat on the hob (ensure that it will fit in your oven beforehand). Heat some more butter and the other 1 tbsp oil in the tin, then fry the beef, turning every couple of mins, until well browned all over. This will take about 10 mins.

5. Tip the whole shallots into the tin around the beef and toss them in the oil. Roast for 20-25 mins for rare, 35 mins for medium and 45 mins for well done. If you have a thick piece of meat, it may take a little longer. Ten mins before the end of cooking, stir the whole mushrooms around the pan, coating well in the oil and juices, then leave to roast alongside the meat and shallots. Leave the meat to rest on a board for 1015 mins and keep the vegetables warm in a serving dish while you make the sauce.

6. Place the tin back on the hob. Stir in the flour, mixing well into any oil in the pan, then very carefully pour over the brandy, making sure you don't pour straight from the bottle.

Use a small whisk to stir in the brandy, scraping up all the lovely browned bits from the tin. When the brandy has nearly boiled away, pour over the strained mushroom liquid and beef stock. Cook for about 5 mins until the liquid just coats the back of a spoon, then stir in the mustard and crème fraîche. Season, sprinkle with parsley and pour into a gravy boat. Cut the beef into thick slices and serve with the vegetables, gravy and some Parmesan puffs, if you like.

PRAWN & AVOCADO PLATTER WITH LIME & CHILLI DRESSING Ingredients 350g large headless cooked prawns, unpeeled 2 avocados large handful basil leaves 120g bag baby green salad leaves FOR THE DRESSING 2 tbsp lime juice 2 tsp clear honey 1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped 3 tbsp light olive oil lime wedges, to serve

Method

1. Peel the prawns, leaving the tails intact, then rinse and pat dry. Put all the dressing ingredients into a small bowl and whisk to mix.

2. Up to 1 hr before serving, peel and stone the avocados, then cut into thick slices and put in a large bowl with half the dressing. Mix lightly to coat all the slices (this prevents them turning brown). Chop the basil and add to the bowl along with the prawns. Toss everything together lightly. Scatter the leaves over a platter, then spoon the prawns, avocado and basil mix over. Drizzle with the remaining dressing and serve with lime wedges for squeezing over.

SALMON DILL AND POTATO TART Ingredients 300g ready-made shortcrust pastry 350g new potatoes, sliced 284ml pot single cream 2 eggs 3 tbsp chopped dill, extra for sprinkling zest 1 lime 200g pack smoked salmon, torn into strips

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Friday, March 29, 2013

Method 1.

Heat oven to 190C/fan 170C/gas 5.

Roll out the pastry and line a shallow 28cm flan tin. Trim off the edges, then line with baking paper and beans. Put on a baking sheet, bake for 10 mins. Remove the paper and beans, then bake for 5 mins more.

2. Cook the potatoes in boiling salted water for 6-8 mins until tender, then drain. Beat together the cream, eggs, dill, lime zest, salt and pepper. Scatter half the potatoes over the bottom of the pastry case, then put half the salmon strips in the gaps. Pour over half the egg mix, then arrange the remaining potatoes over the salmon pieces and put the remaining salmon in the gaps between. Pour over the rest of the egg mix.

3. Bake for 25 mins until the top is lightly coloured and firm to the touch. Cool for 10 mins before removing from the tin, then serve warm or at room temperature sprinkled with extra dill

LEEK AND GOATS CHEESE PIE Ingredients 2 onions, halved and sliced 50g butter, melted, plus extra for frying 250g leeks, sliced 500g hard goat's cheese cut into dice 250g young leaf spinach, chopped 12 sheets of filo pastry

Method

1. Heat the oven to 180C/fan160C/gas 4. Cook the onions in a little butter until golden and caramelised, about 10-15 minutes. Fry the leeks in a knob of butter until soft. Season well.

2. Mix the onions, leeks, cheese, spinach and some seasoning in a bowl. Butter a large baking dish, lay 3 sheets filo on the bottom, buttering each layer (trim if you need to).

3. Put 1/3 of the leek mix on top of the filo and add a further 3 layers of pastry. Add another 1/3 of the mixture with 3 more layers of filo, and finally add the last of the mixture and finish with the last 3 layers of the pastry and lots of butter. Score a criss-cross pattern on the top, then bake for about 30-40 minutes until crisp and golden. Cut into big pieces and eat with a simple salad.

TANGY LEMON TART Ingredients FOR THE PASTRY (makes double) 500g plain flour, plus extra for dusting 140g icing sugar 250g unsalted butter, cubed 4 egg yolks FOR THE FILLING 5 eggs

140g caster sugar 150ml double cream juice 2-3 lemon (about 100ml/3.5fl oz) and 2 tbsp lemon zest

Method

1.To make the pastry, mix the flour and icing sugar in a bowl. Rub the butter into the flour with your fingers until crumbly. Mix in the egg yolks. If the pastry is still too dry, add 1-2 tbsp water until it comes together. Roll into a ball and divide in half (freeze one half for another recipe). Flatten out the pastry with your hands, wrap the dough in cling film, then chill for at least 30 mins. While the pastry is chilling, make the filling. Beat all the ingredients, except for the zest, together. Sieve the mixture, then stir in the zest.

2. Roll out the pastry on a lightly floured surface to about the thickness of a ÂŁ1 coin, then lift into a 23cm tart tin. Press down gently on the bottom and sides, then trim off any excess pastry. Stab a few holes in the bottom with a fork and put back in the fridge for 30 mins.

3. Heat oven to 160C/140C fan/gas 3. Line the tart with foil and fill with rice or dried beans. Bake for 10 mins, then remove the tart tin from the oven, discard the foil, and bake for another 20 mins until biscuity. When the pastry is ready, remove it from the oven, pour in the lemon mixture and bake again for 30-35 mins until just set. Leave to cool, then remove the tart from the tin and serve at room temperature or chilled.

RHUBARB, GINGER & APPLE SCRUNCH PIE Ingredients 375g pack ready-rolled shortcrust pastry 400g Bramley apples, sliced 400g pack rhubarb, cut into lengths 2 tbsp cornflour milk, for brushing 100g demerara sugar plus extra for sprinkling 2 knobs stem ginger chopped

Method

1. Heat oven to 180C/fan 160/gas 4 and grease a large baking sheet. Unravel the pastry and place on the baking sheet.

Mix the sliced apple and rhubarb with the sugar, ginger and cornflour then pile into the centre of the pastry. Gather up the sides of the pastry to enclose the fruit so that the pie looks like a rough tart - you need to work with the size of the pastry so it will be more of an oblong shape than round.

2. Brush the pastry with milk and scatter with demerara.

Bake for 35 mins until the pastry is golden and the fruit is tender. Cut into slices and serve with custard.

HOT CROSS BUNS Ingredients FOR THE BUNS 300ml full-fat milk, plus 2 tbsp more 50g butter 500g strong bread flour 1 tsp salt 75g caster sugar 1 tbsp sunflower oil 7g sachet fast-action or easy-blend yeast 1 egg, beaten 75g sultanas 50g mixed peel zest 1 orange 1 apple, peeled, cored and finely chopped 1 tsp ground cinnamon FOR THE CROSS 75g plain flour, plus extra for dusting FOR THE GLAZE 3 tbsp apricot jam

Method

1. Bring the milk to the boil, then remove from the heat and add the butter. Leave to cool until it reaches hand temperature. Put the flour, salt, sugar and yeast (see Tip, below) into a bowl. Make a well in the centre. Pour in the warm milk and butter mixture, then add the egg. Using a wooden spoon, mix well, then bring everything together with your hands until you have a sticky dough.

2. Tip on to a lightly floured surface and knead by holding the dough with one hand and stretching it with the heal of the other hand, then folding it back on itself. Repeat for 5 mins until smooth and elastic. Put the dough in a lightly oiled bowl.

Cover with oiled cling film and leave to rise in a warm place for 1 hr or until doubled in size and a finger pressed into it leaves a dent.

3. With the dough still in the bowl, tip in the sultanas, mixed peel, orange zest, apple and cinnamon. Knead into the dough, making sure everything is well distributed. Leave to rise for 1 hr more, or until doubled in size, again covered by some well-oiled cling film to stop the dough getting a crust.

4. Divide the dough into 15 even pieces (about 75g per piece - see Tip below). Roll each piece into a smooth ball on a lightly floured work surface. Arrange the buns on one or two baking trays lined with parchment, leaving enough space for the dough to expand. Cover (but don't wrap) with more oiled cling film, or a clean tea towel, then set aside to prove for 1 hr more.

5. Heat oven to 220C/200C fan/gas 7. Mix the flour with about 5 tbsp water to make the paste for the cross - add the water 1 tbsp at a time, so you add just enough for a thick paste. Spoon into a piping bag with a small nozzle. Pipe a line along each row of buns, then repeat in the other direction to create crosses (see Tip below). Bake for 20 mins on the middle shelf of the oven, until golden brown.

6. Gently heat the apricot jam to melt, then sieve to get rid of any chunks. While the jam is still warm, brush over the top of the warm buns and leave to cool.

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Friday, March 29, 2013

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

ADVICE: Mary was having some issues with Skype I have recently installed Skype to be able to communicate with our grandchildren in the UK. After a few minutes use the picture and speech starts to stutter and then the picture freezes. At this point a warning comes up that “the connection speed is to slow – shut down video”. Our children in the UK have ADSL speeds of 6 GB and 10 GB respectively whilst I have an ADSL speed of 2 GB which has been verified with a speed test. My current ADSL supplier has an alternative speed at extra cost of 4 GB. How can I improve matters?

Q

Hi Mary, the figures that you have provided separately should be fine for using Skype with, your slowest speed is an upload speed of 400kbps which should be more than ok, I would check that both you and your daughter’s computers are using the same, latest version of Skype as this can sometimes have a positive effect on Skype’s performance, failing that we would need to look at the performance of your Internet connection whilst you are in a Skype call.

A

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: James wanted to know how to add an email signature in Windows Live Mail

Q A

Richard, I use Windows Live Mail 2011 and I notice that a lot of my friends have their names at the bottom of their emails, is there any way that I can do this automatically in my emails? James Hi James, yes it’s called an email signature and you can add whatever message you want automatically to the bottom of your emails, in Windows Live Mail you do this by doing the following…

1.

Launch Windows Live Mail

2.

Click the blue button in the top left of the screen, click Options then click Mail

3.

4.

5.

6.

Click on the Signatures tab Click New under Signatures Type your signature under Edit Signature Click OK.

ADVICE: Bill was having problems with the font size within his Gmail account.

Hello, my name is Bill and I called this afternoon with reference the font size on my Gmail account. One day it was fine and the next it became very small. I have no idea how to put it right. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

As I am 74 my eyesight is not as it was so I have difficulty in seeing what I am doing ! Many Regards, Bill Hi Bill, I suspect that the problem is not actually with the font size set on your Gmail account, but more the zoom control for your web browser.

If I am correct then when you go onto the Internet, all text will be small, not just that within your Gmail account, in which case you should look at what is set in both the “Zoom” and “Text Size” settings within your browser, to do this in Internet Explorer for example press CTRL + 0 to set the zoom back to 100%. If this doesn’t fix the problem then click view, text size and set it to the default which is medium.

One of those two solutions should fix the problem, if not then please come back to me and we can work through what is the issue.

Update. Hi Richard thanks for the E-mail. Unfortunately I use Mozilla Firefox so the instructions don’t apply do they ? I did try as you said but no luck I am afraid. Are there things that can be done for Firefox? Regards, Bill A. Hi Bill, yes in Firefox you can use the keyboard shortcuts of…

CTRL + to zoom in and increase the size CTRL – to zoom out and decrease the size Or CTRL 0 to set the size back to the default In order to do this properly you press and hold the CTRL key and then press the other key, plus (+) or minus (–) or the number zero (0) once. Hope this helps.

Update. Hi Richard, thank you sooo much! At last I can read my E mails again.

Regards Bill

Q A

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page. office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, March 29, 2013

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Friday, March 29, 2013

The treatment that slaps aging in the face MESOTHERAPY is a well-known treatment in France, where it was first developed, but not so familiar to other parts of Europe.

The procedure is quick and simple with little downtime and is a fantastic way of putting vitamins and minerals into the upper layers of skin as an antiageing treatment.

Our Face Antiaging is based on a sterile solution containing the five main groups of substances participating in cell metabolism; vitamins, nucleic acid precursors, minerals, amino acids and co enzymes to which Hyularonic Acid and Dimethylaminethanol (known in short as D:M:A:E) have been added.

The former has been used in aesthetic medicine for a long time due to its highly moisturising affect.

Mesotherapy will moisturise, tone and revitalise, especially useful for those of us who are fair skinned and live in a hot sunny climate like we have here in Spain. The treatment consists of two treatments in the first week, followed by one per week for 6 weeks and then a maintenance session of one every 4 to 6 weeks.

Mesotherapy can also be used as a

method of delivering anaesthetic into the skin and in France is the most chosen method of relief for sports injuries.

Working hand in hand with Mesotherapy is IPL. IPL stands for Intense Pulsed Light which is a laser machine that delivers concentrated light waves to encourage the skin to regain its even tone and also helps to stimulate collagen production.

Along with these methods of Antiaging are injectables which usually contain Hyularonic Acid or Poly Lactic Acid, both of which are produced naturally in the body. These products can be injected in the dermis of the skin and will give lasting results in the fight against ageing of the skin.

Before starting on any treatment it is important to have a full consultation with an expert in the field of Facial Antiaging as only he or she will be able to tell you about the full range of anti-ageing treatments but more importantly which treatment would benefit you most.

For your Anti-aging Consultation contact Medaesthetics today.

Art Therapy

Art therapy is a type of psychotherapy that uses art-making and creativity to increase emotional well-being.

Art therapy combines traditional psychotherapeutic theories and techniques with specialized knowledge about the psychological aspects of the creative process, especially the affective properties of different art materials. As a mental health profession, art therapy is employed in many different clinical settings with many different types of patients. Art therapy is present in non-clinical settings as well, such as in art studios and workshops that focus on creativity development.

Art therapy was first practiced in England in the 1940s as a result of the work of artist Adrian Hill and psychotherapist Irene Champernowne. Hill used his art as a means of passing time creatively when he was in hospital with tuberculosis and encouraged other patients to start drawing and painting also. In addition to taking their minds off recovery, painting and drawing appeared to help patients to express their

anxieties and the scenes they had witnessed in battle during World War II. Irene Champernowne studied psychology under Carl Jung and became interested in the way Jung encouraged patients to use art to express their unconscious feelings. The center she helped set up in 1942 employed artists, dancers, and musicians alongside medical experts.

According to the American Art Therapy Association, art therapy is based on the belief that the creative process involved in making art is healing and life-enhancing.

Through creating and talking about art with an art therapist, one can increase awareness of self, cope with symptoms, stress, and traumatic experiences, increase cognitive abilities, and enjoy the life-affirming pleasures of artistic creativity. Art therapists are professionals trained in both art and therapy and hold a master's degree in art therapy or a related field. Art therapists work with children, adolescents, and adults and provide services to individuals, couples, families, groups, and communities.

IMPROVING YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE IN RETIREMENT It never fails to amaze me how some people in their 50s or even younger seem to blame old age for their health problems. I suppose the question is, how old do we start becoming old? My clients are mostly senior citizens, some of them in their 80s and 90s, and a good number of those in excellent

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to machimannu@gmail.com

health. Recently I saw an 88 year old man who seemed to have defied the ageing process. As I buzzed him through the gate, he literally ran up the walk way, flew up the steps and into the clinic.

He grabbed my hand with a grip that made me nearly wince (I am aware older fit men love playing this trick on much younger men). He walked and stood very erect and he had no lines on his

face. His voice was very clear, and his mind extremely sharp. He was the epitome of graceful ageing. He could easily have passed for a man in his 50s. He was only seeking my advice on some natural remedy he had embarked on. By the end of the wonderful consultation, I had learned so much from him. It is possible some people may have some form of genetic advantage, making them less predisposed to diseases and ageing. I for one was diagnosed with asthma as a baby, a condition I supposedly inherited from my father. However Prof Bruce Lipton, a renowned cell biologist has demonstrated through clinical research that our environment can alter our genes. In my conversations with these fit elderly men and women, I have observed certain shared personalities and interests.

They all seem to have a very

positive refreshing outlook towards life, and were a joy to be around. There is a common saying’ you are only as old as you think’ and there-in lies a very vital aspect of staying young and healthy. It is true that as we age, we become unable to perform certain activities. A 30 year old certainly does not have the bodily flexibility of a 16 year old; does that make the 30 year old an old person?

Our mind-set towards ageing is now recognised by scientists as a key player in the way we feel and our state of health as we advance in age. We cannot deny the fact that the body starts to deteriorate as we get older and certain vital compounds needed for the normal functioning of tissues and organs are no longer produced like before. But in most cases this should only serve as a reminder that we have to do more to keep the body health. The joints are usually the first to go, mainly due to a lack of exercises.

The blood supply to our joints and bones is very poor

at best, and so we need to move the body to ensure adequate blood flows to those areas. A gentleman in his late 70s, who sees me for supplements, packs his car several hundred metres away from our clinic just to walk the extra distance. He is fitter than most men in their 30s and he knows it.

Other secrets of these agedefying mavericks are; consumption of fresh and natural foods, copious intake of fruits, vegetables, nuts, herbs, as well as supplements. These men and women preferred more natural and safe therapies to their synthetic counterparts, and would only consider the later if safer alternatives are not available. This makes perfect sense because our tolerance to foreign substances decreases significantly as we grow older. To find out more, visit www.medb.es, and subscribe to our monthly newsletter.

For A Full Body Diagnostics, call 965071745

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Friday, March 29, 2013

One case of flu, 20 years of suffering you have a comprehensive diagnostic check to establish the root cause of your illness.

Q

I am 62 years old, and about 20 years ago, I suffered a bad case of flu which I believe I never really fully recovered from. Since then I have suffered from recurring chest pains, joint pains, irregular body temperatures, headaches, occasional dizziness and fatigue. I have seen a number of doctors and specialists, and they cannot tell me what is wrong with me. All the tests I have done have not shown any problems. I will be glad to know your opinion.

A

The symptoms you describe are very suggestive of a viral infection, especially cytomegalovirus. However you need to have a full body scan before any kind of conclusion can be drawn. Cytomegalovirus belongs to the same family as the herpes virus. It is found in over 50% of all adults, but does not cause any health problems until the immune system is weakened. It has also been linked to chronic fatigue syndrome.

In most hospitals, cytomegalovirus is identified through a blood test, however such a test is not part of the routine blood tests requested by doctors. It is usually one of the last tests done, so you may need to suggest it to your doctor. Like most viral infections, there is no direct treatment for cytomegalovirus. The best course of management is to enhance the immune system

Q

so that the body can neutralize the virus on its own. Reishi, otherwise known as Ganoderma Lucidum is an excellent natural substance for boosting the immune system. Reishi belongs to the mushroom family, and in China, it is known as the mushroom of longevity. It is listed in traditional Chinese pharmacopeia as one of the most potent medicines available. Reishi has been extensively studied especially in Japan, and is recognised as having many health promoting properties. It has strong anti-inflammatory properties and is useful for managing rheumatoid arthritis and other inflammatory joint problems. Reishi has very powerful effects on the immune system because it stimulates the bone marrow, thymus, tonsils and other immune system organs to increase their production of the various types of white blood cells for suppressing infection. It is very important that

I so need your help! I have suffered from joint pains in my hands and feet since 2 years ago, and nothing seems to have worked for me. My doctor prescribed Naprosyn and some other anti-inflammatory drug, and I had a bad reaction to them, so I stopped taking them. I have been trying Glucosamine and Chondroitin Sulphate, 1500mgs, but have not felt any benefit at all. I would love to know, what you could recommend for me, in this painful miserable existence!

A

In my experience, the best supplement for treating joint disorders is MSM. Many of my patients and clients have benefited immensely from it. MSM which is short for Methyl Sulphonyl Methane is the natural form of sulphur in the body. Sulphur is one of the most abundant minerals in the body, and plays a key role in many of the processes that keep us healthy. It is a key component of proteins and useful for the production of genetic materials, collagen, skin etc. Collagen is needed to maintain healthy joints, and scientists have demonstrated that most people with joint problems have low sulphur levels in their blood.

MSM is especially useful for managing joint pain due to osteoarthritis. It works by blocking nerve fibres that transmit pain signals to

the brain. Only the purest form of MSM seems to offer relief. Impurities probably affect the way it is absorbed into the body, and so it is important to use a high-grade product. The powdered form is better than capsules or tablets only because with the powder it is easier to take the recommended effective dose of 5 grams twice a day.

Q A

What is Maca?

Maca is a root vegetable native to the Peruvian Andes. It is a good source of carbohydrates, amino acids, fatty acids, vitamins B1, B2, B12, E, and minerals such as calcium, phosphorus, zinc, manganese, copper and iron. Maca contains a number of chemical steroids known as glycosides.

Glycosides have hormone-like actions, making them useful for increasing energy and stamina. For this reason maca is commonly used by athletes to improve their performance. It has long been known as an aphrodisiac for men and women, and also as an aid to female fertility and treatment for male impotence. It helps relieve menopausal symptoms and other gynaecological problems related to hormonal imbalances. A study involving 50 men with mild erectile dysfunction found that taking 2.4 grams of maca daily for about 12 weeks significantly helped them with their symptoms. Other studies have found maca useful for stimulating the low sex drive found in people on antidepressant medications such as SSRI’s.

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THANK goodness for people power.

You saw it in action big time last week in Cyprus, where ordinary people with modest savings told politicians exactly what they thought of having their money syphoned off to pay for bank debt.

The problem with Cypriot banks is that they have been offering interest at 4-5 per cent, attracting huge investments, much of it from Russia, and boosting the banking sector to a large percentage of the island's economy.

It was another of those bubbles waiting to burst.

There is a large population of rich Russians on the island, living in virtual palaces with armed guards (I know because I've visited one) and investing vast sums of money. Cyprus hoped Russia would step in and help, but it didn't happen.

The problem is that the banks also held the cash and savings of ordinary Cypriots, and for them the loss of around 8% of their money to bale out the banks was much too much to swallow.

I don't think those people will bother too much if the rich lose some of their money. If the Russians lose a few million, so what? It was probably funny money anyway.

Whether the idea to "steal" the money of bank savers came from Cypriot politicians or the barmy brigade in the European Union, really matters not.

What does matter is that people power put an end to the "theft" and made it far less likely that other members of the barmy brigade would try a similar venture if, say, Spain found itself in a similar dilemma.

It has made any money we have in Spanish banks that bit safer (hopefully!).

So, many thanks you Cypriots, good on you. The only people I feel sorry for

A POWER OF STRENGTH

How the ordinary Cypriot made Spanish cash safer are the genuine business community in Cyprus and people caught buying and selling homes who might lose big time if their transit money was in the bank.

SADDEST UK story last week was that the number of child smokers under 16 has increased by 50,000 in a year.

This represents about 207,000 youngsters aged 11 and 15 who have started lighting up in 2011, a big rise from 157,000 in 2010. Sadly, it seems that 567 teenagers are taking up the filthy habit every day.

What a terrible toll this will be on their health 30 or 40 years down the line, and what a crazy waste of money.

It's amazing where they get the cash from - I suppose stupid parents are to blame.

Sadly, youth being as it is, if an adult tells a child not to do something they want to do it even more, and I imagine it's this craziness at work.

It's the same craziness which leads kids to experiment with sex at an everyounger age and leads to unwanted babies.

Surely every kid knows that smoking kills - it can lead to 14 different types of cancer.

q

Perhaps as part of their education, children should be taken around hospitals, talk to cancer patients, and find out first-hand what's waiting down the line if they're crazy enough to smoke.

Compulsory health education, methinks.

Incidentally, my wife recalls that when her teenage cousin was caught smoking, his father forced him to smoke one cigarette after another until he was sick.

He never lit up again.

Here's another bit of humanity's craziness six billion of the world’s

q

seven billion people have mobile phones, but only 4.5 billion have a toilet.

This is revealed in a new UN report which says that 22 of the world's poorest countries account for 80% of the population who do their business outside.

It's a huge problem in India, where millions think nothing of using the street as a lavatory.

The worst countries are Brazil, China, India, Indonesia, Cambodia, Ethiopia, Kenya, Madagascar, Malawi, Mozambique, Nepal, Nigeria, Pakistan, Sierra Leone, Zambia, Afghanistan, Burkina Faso, Chad, Congo, Niger, Sudan and South Sudan.

Yet look at mobile phone use and the vast majority of people in those countries are connected.

Isn't it a shame that getting a toilet in a person's home isn't as profitable as supplying and operating a mobile phone.

No wonder there is so much disease and suffering around the world.

DID you hear the tremendous cheer from almost every indigenous Brit on Sunday?

It came as TV newsreaders announced that new immigrants are to be moved

q

to the back of the queue for council homes and will not be automatically entitled to benefits.

The news is 20 years too late and so much damage has been done in Britain, transforming huge areas to mini Pakistan, Bangladesh, Poland, et al.

David Cameron announced the news of a new hardline stance on immigration, obviously frightened witless that UKIP is more in tune with the demands of British people who are sick to death of rampant immigration.

Of course, this is all about trying to revive Tory fortunes, but it is about time the door was bolted to "something for nothing" migrants who Labour welcomed with open arms.

Nearly one in ten council houses and ‘social housing’ goes to foreign nationals, a 30 per cent rise in four years.

The new rules are intended to force town halls to introduce a ‘local residency test’ before letting families join the list for a council home.

They will have to wait from two to five years to join the list, depending on the availability of houses.

Local authorities are currently free to impose such restrictions, but many choose not to - frightened witless of being branded racists.

This was exactly what happened when Labour was in power. No doubt they will fight the new legislation tooth and nail and demonstrate how blind Socialists are to the damage unbridled immigration has done to the UK and how out of step they really are.

In addition, I find it nauseating that UK church leaders are already condemning Cameron's stance on tightening up benefits to immigrants.

What this does is demonstrate how far the church has strayed from public

opinion and, no doubt, the views of the majority of church-goers.

Does the church really want waves of new immigrants causing increased social unrest and problems in an already overcrowded country? If so, perhaps they would like to convert their churches to dormitories and urge each of their flock to house an immigrant family.

Interesting to see how many of the flock would remain faithful! Carry on church leaders, and you will soon be preaching to totally empty churches.

Finally, it's heartening to see Labour heavyweights beginning to criticise the present leadership and ramblings of the Left.

Lord Mandelson is the latest to take a swipe at shadow chancellor Ed Balls, suggesting he needs to change the record from continually criticising cuts and suggesting spending money the country hasn't got.

It follows a growing number of Labour politicians admitting their open-door immigration policy was wrong, creating divisions and stresses within society.

Well, hallelujah, but woefully late. Horses and stable doors spring to mind. Make sure at election time you don't let them do it all again - because they will!

DO you drive an Audi or a small family car? If so, there’s a higher probability that you are a dozy parker.

An on-line company in the UK has carried out an extensive study of parking in a number of UK car parks to determine who are the worst offenders.

And, surprisingly, it is not the drivers of large 4x4s or people carriers who come out worst, but the drivers of small family cars. Surprising as they have more room to manoeuvre.

By brand, Audi drivers take the wooden spoon, closely followed by drivers of vans, which is not at all surprising.

Here in Spain there are plenty of dozy parkers - people too lazy to straighten up, and end up taking two parking spaces.

Then there are those who park over pedestrian crossings, at corners, across driveways and all manner of crazy places because they are too bone idle to walk a few yards.

Traffic wardens would think they were in heaven if they were let loose in Spain.

Can you imagine the revenue they would notch up within weeks?

Spain would solve all its financial problems if it recruited Britain's little Hitlers.

q

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Friday, March 29, 2013

EASY HORSE RESCUE SCHOOLKIDS ACHIEVE €860 CANTER CHARITY CHALLENGE THE Alicante European School’s decision to arrange a trip with Moral Year 3 to the Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre in Rojales has had a bumper spin-off – an €860 cheque for the Centre.

The visit followed a school discussion about charity and aid and was aimed at enhancing the students’ learning and appreciation of the whole process.

The trip was a tremendous success and resulted in a number of concrete ideas for raising money for EHCRC. The pupils from Moral Year 2 immediately jumped on the bandwagon. Three girls spontaneously organised a ‘Dog Wash‘n Go’ and a ‘Have a Cake’ day’. The whole day long they washed dogs, served tea and fed delicious home-made cakes to the dog owners.

Several other girls sold dozens of cakes and pies to passers-by in Altea and also raised awareness for

EHCRC by handing out information leaflets they had written themselves.

The two classes also raised money by walking dogs, babysitting and cake sales. On February 7, Moral Year 2 held a big orange juice and cupcake sale which they organised entirely by themselves.

They divided up the work, designed the posters, asked for permission - and sold over 20 cakes in less than half an hour.

Altogether , the Moral Classes Year 2 & 3 raised over 860€.

EHCRC said in a press release: “We cannot thank the wonderful pupils of Escuela Europea de Alicante enough for all their hard work. We were amazed when they presented us with a cheque. It has been a real pleasure to have such entusiastic pupils visit us here; they are a credit to the Escuela Europa”.

For more information on EHCRC education days please contact Sue at info@easyhorsecare.net

By George, Tita is basically top dog!

CLASS winners Carolyn Lane and Doug Oxlade pose with their dogs Tita and George and trophies after Campoverde Canine Club’s latest obedience courses.

They were presented with their certificates and trophies at the Polideportivo Sports ground, Pinar de Campoverde.

Intermediate winner Carolyn, who won the Basic Class just three months ago, scored 136.5 marks from a possible 140 to emphasise the enormous strides made

by Tita, a little dog with a big heart.

Doug and George made enormous strides during the 10-week course, scoring an amazing 108.4 out of 110 marks to win the Basic Class, despite the fact that George initially did not appear to understand what was required of him.

However, patience and praise won the day…

Second place in this group went to Gina ‘Left or Right’ Bryant and her sometimes stubborn dog Boa. Luckily on the day of the test Boa behaved herself!

New courses will start on April 6. If you are interested

in training your four legged friend, please call Roy on 966762265 or email taffthedog@hotmail.com

LICENCE TO CARRY ON!

CONTRARY to recent reports, the curtain is NOT coming down on Dramatic Licence.

The drama company is alive and well after a change of management, and Suzanne and David Stokes, who founded the group in 2005, together with Walter Hamilton and Richard Arnold, are now the new management committee.

The next production by Dramatic Licence will be ‘Nana’s Naughty Knickers, a hilarious farce.

Nana has been selling naughty underwear for geriatrics from her flat – but she is breaking the law, and has to go to great lengths to keep her underwear business undercover. But her secret is about to be revealed to her

nasty landlord. Can she save her business and stay out of jail? Well, what do you think?

New members are always needed, so if you would like to join this friendly and talented company in any capacity please get in touch. There will a play reading of Nana’s Naughty Knickers on Thursday, April 4 at 7.30pm in Dramatic Licence’s clubroom, and prospective members are welcome to come along. Their website is currently being re-built, but you can contact Suzanne on 680 961 025, find the group on Facebook, or e-mail Suzanne@sue-stokes.co.uk

IN FOR A PENNY… ANNE Day presents a thankyou certificate to Cyn Tucker and John Curl for their ‘penny collection’ donation of £121.34 to help support the Children’s Home in Elche. The presentation was made at Sofia’s Bar in El Raso, the urbanisation where Cyn and John live.

Sofia’s owner Dee Williams has now decided to start her own penny collection from customers. And she’s already rubbing her hands at the thought of all that loose change she’ll bag next time popular entertainer Tony Kelly sings his now-famous charity number Pennies From Heaven

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Friday, March 29, 2013

SWIMSATIONAL TORRY’S GOLD STRIKE WHAT a weekend for Club Natacion Torrevieja, whose members grabbed an impressive haul of trophies and medals in two separate competitions on Saturday.

The children started the success story off in the 9th Club Natacion Raspeig Trophy event – and later in the day the Masters picked up FOUR gold medals in a memorial competition at San Vincente, Alicante.

In the children’s competition, Marta Garcia won a trophy for third place in the 50m freestyle event for swimmers born in 2006, as did Zoe Connolly in the 100m medley in her age group Hakeem Teland took first place

and trophy in his 50m freestyle event and the girls’ 4 x 50m freestyle relay team of Amy Connolly, Samira Burbano, Paula Garcia and Zoe Connolly picked up third-place medals.

In the Masters event, Beth Altabas and Vickie Connolly grabbed two gold medals apiece – Beth in the 100m backstroke (65+) and the 100m medley, and Vicki in the 50m and 100m (45+) freestyle.

For more information regarding Torrevieja Swimming Club please contact Rosa - 665454126 or President Felipe on 609418776 or by e-mail on info@clubnataciontorrevieja.co m

Golden girls Beth and Vicki with Masters teammate Adam Stewart

Norah’s cry for Help Top choir treble up

AN urgent appeal has gone out from Help at Home Costa Blanca for more volunteers, particularly in the La Marina and Campoverde areas.

HAHCB founder, Norah Bond says: "We have a number of people needing help in these areas, but at present only one volunteer in each.

"As more people get to know what we do, the more calls we get from people for help, which means we need more volunteers."

HAHCB helps for a limited period of time with things like taking people to hospital or

the medical centre, help with gardening, shopping, etc., or just sitting in with people who just need company or carers who need support.

There is also a team of people with medical qualifications who help with basic medical needs.

In addition HAHCB is now giving support to people with young children and adults with long-term conditions.

Anyone who can help in any way should call 691 585 167 or contact helpathomecb@gmail.com

THE much-lauded NTU (Nottingham Trent University) Chamber Choir make their third trip to Spain next week – for a singing tour that no lover of choral music should miss.

The 28 member choir will be accompanied by their conductor, Matthew Hopkins – son of well-known conductor and singer Nigel Hopkins. And you can enjoy their superb harmony at a FREE concert at the Palacio de Musica in Torrevieja at

8pm next Wednesday (April 3).

Three days later, on Saturday April 6, the choir stage another spectacular at La Zenia church. Both programmes will feature a variety of liturgical and popular music.

The Saturday event starts and 8pm and tickets are €5, with proceeds going to charity. Tickets are available from CallNet Internet Cafe behind Consum, next to Paddy's Point in La Zenia.

DO you have a couple of hours to spare, one morning a week?

Age Concern are looking for volunteers as ‘befrienders’, helping with shopping, collecting prescriptions or just visiting and chatting to lonely elderly people.

No nursing is involved, just being a friend and making life easier and more enjoyable for needy people.Age Concern also need volunteers to join a team who visit residents of a Torrevieja residential

home and either chat with them or take them out for a walk.

The requirement is one afternoon a month on a rota system. The elderly folk all really enjoy and look forward to the visits, which the team find very worthwhile.

If you are interested please ring us on 966786887 or call in to our Centre in Calle Paganini, La Siesta you will be made very welcome.

ORIHUELA Council’s CLARO faction is launching a public support campaign to safeguard Cala Mosca.

A consultation process will provide an opportunity for anyone wishing to save the natural sea-front area to have their say by submitting a completed questionnaire.

CLARO has been campaigning to salvage Cala Mosca since 2008, taking the project as far as the European Parliament in a petition supported by more than 7,000 signatures. CLARO President Bob Houliston has

twice appeared before an EP committee to defend efforts to save Orihuela Costa’s last green zone - and Europe has now frozen the building project and insisted on a public consultation procedure and environment impact study.

Questionnaires can be downloaded from the Orihuela Town Hall webpage and must be completed in Spanish. The CLARO Office is open 11am to 1pm Monday to Friday, public holidays excepted. Call 661 333 593 for further details.

Ease our Concern - be a befriender

CLARO in new move to save Cala Mosca

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Friday, March 29, 2013

UK HEADLINES

MUST TRY HARDER TO KICK OUT QUATATA

The Sun

HOME Secretary Theresa May has lost her appeal court challenge over a decision allowing radical preacher Abu Qatada to stay in the UK. The government said it planned to continue efforts to kick him out, saying: “This is not the end of the road. The Government remains determined to deport Abu Qatada.”

The Home Office has been trying to boot out Qatada - once dubbed Osama bin Laden's right hand man in Europe for years but has been blocked by immigration judges.

He is wanted on terror charges in his home country Jordan, where he was convicted in his absence in 1999 and faces a retrial if he is sent back.

In the latest round of a long legal battle, Special Immigration Appeals Commission (Siac) judge Mr Justice Mitting decided in November that Qatada could not be removed to Jordan because evidence obtained through torture might be used against him.

Mrs May’s legal team submitted at a recent one-day hearing in London that Qatada was a “truly dangerous” individual who escaped deportation through “errors of law”.

But Wednesday Lord Dyson, the Master of the Rolls, and two other

judges, Lord Justice Richards and Lord Justice Elias,unanimously rejected the appeal.

They said the court accepted that Qatada “is regarded as a very dangerous person”, but that was not “a relevant consideration” under human rights laws.

Upholding Siac’s decision, Lord Dyson ruled: “Siac was entitled to conclude that there is a real risk that the impugned statements will be admitted in evidence at a retrial and that, in consequence, there is a real risk of a flagrant denial of justice.”

A Home Office spokesman said: “We will consider this judgment carefully and plan to seek leave to appeal.

“In the meantime we continue to work with the Jordanians to address the outstanding legal issues preventing deportation.”

Qatada, 52, had been living under curfew since November at his taxpayer-funded family home in London but is back in custody after he was arrested for alleged bail breaches.

Police searched the hate preacher’s house before he was held earlier this month.

Deputy Assistant Commissioner Stuart Osborne, of the Metropolitan Police, revealed last week that Qatada is being investigated over extremist material.

Qatada, real name Omar Othman, has been living in Britain since he arrived on a forged passport in September 1993 and claimed asylum.

He has praised the September 11 terror attacks, advocated the killing of Jews, and issued a “fatwa” justifying the killing of converts from Islam and their wives and children in Algeria.

A Spanish judge once described him as “Osama bin Laden’s right-hand man in Europe” and he is considered by the UK authorities to pose a significant threat to national security.

David Cameron has said he is "fed up" with his continuing presence in Britain — but he has used human rights laws to block all eforts to deprot him, runnng up a legal aid bill of at least £500,000.

Dozy drunk bought stolen python A BOOZY crook suffered a real hangover from hell when he woke up after a drinking session to discover he had bought a 10ft stolen python.

Dwayne Matthews agreed to buy the pinched monster snake off a traveller during a drunken night with pals.

But he woke up the next

his mate who was sleeping on the sofa.

Matthews’ s o l i c i t o r described the bizarre incident as “like a subplot from a Guy morning to discover the Ritchie film”.

African rock python After finding the reptile called Bruce - rearing up at trying to eat his pal, the

shocked 29-year-old grabbed a duvet and threw it over the beast.

Matthews, from Coventry, was arrested after trying to palm the 14kg python off on a reptile shop.

He was handed a suspended eight-week prison sentence after admitting receiving stolen goods.

Tragic Jade nd her mum

DEVIL DOGS LOOPHOLE

THE jobless single mother whose four crazed dogs savaged a teenage girl to death is set to escape prosecution.

Bev Concannon, 44, had admitted to friends that even she was wary of her powerfully-built pets, while neighbours were terrified of them and postmen dreaded calling at the house.

But, because the discredited Dangerous Dogs Act only covers attacks on private property if they involve illegal breeds, the mother-of-five probably won’t face court action over the death of 14-year-old Jade Lomas-Anderson.

Police stress that Miss Concannon is not currently being treated as a suspect and is co-operating with their inquiries. Vets are conducting tests on the bodies of the four dogs shot by police to establish whether any were outlawed breeds.

However, they are understood to be two Staffordshire bull terriers and two bull mastiffs – breeds which can be legally owned.

A fifth dog, believed to be a shihtzu, was not involved in the attack and was taken away.

Tuesday’s attack – which friends say erupted after Jade came into the house in Atherton, near Wigan, with a warm meat pie for her lunch – brought renewed calls for a wider crackdown on irresponsible dog owners.

The animals were notorious among neighbours, but no one is believed to have complained to police or the local council.

Neighbours of Miss Concannon on the Hag Fold estate said they used to keep their children away from her council maisonette.

Michael Reid, 41, a father of two daughters, said: ‘When children walked past, the dogs would rush at the fencing or gates with a terrifying snarling and barking. They were completely wired, very aggressive and very scary. My daughters called them “Devil Dogs”.

Friday, March 29, 2013

UK HEADLINES

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Breadline Brits win stamp of support FOOD stamps will be handed to the poorest and neediest when cash handouts are scrapped in favour of vouchers next week.

Many local authorities are expected to take part in the scheme under which vouchers will be issued to the most vulnerable, rather than cash grants or loans.

They will be issued to tide people over in times of financial crisis, and recipients will be able to exchange the vouchers for food, nappies and other essentials, but not alcohol or cigarettes.

The voucher scheme is being introduced from 1 April under changes to benefits outlined in last year's Welfare Reform Act. The food stamps will replace the discretionary part of the government-run Social Fund, which issued immediate, small cash grants and loans to people on low or no incomes who needed help urgently.

Now, instead of the money being handed out by central government, it is being devolved to local authorities in England and devolved administrations in Scotland and Wales.

The current budget of £178.2m will be handed down to a local level, plus start-up costs of £72m, for councils to spend as they see fit.

A spokesman for the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) said the move was not about cost-cutting, as there

Daily Mail was no reduction in budget, but rather was intended to ensure the money was spent where it was most needed.

He said: 'We’re reforming the Social Fund because it is complex, over-centralised and poorly targeted, and replacing it with local provision to ensure this money goes to those most in need.

'We will transfer the current annual funding for crisis loans and community care grants to local authorities in England and the devolved administrations in Wales and Scotland.

'They will receive the full programme budget of £178.2 million a year in addition to administration and start-up costs of over £72 million which represents a fair settlement.'

The vouchers will be adopted in the wake of the abolition of the Social Fund's discretionary scheme, under which the needy were given crisis loans, repayable out of their benefits, or community care grants.

The Social Fund's regulated scheme, which governs cold weather payments, Sure Start maternity grants, funeral expenses and the Winter Fuel Grant, will be unaffected, the DWP says.

It will be up to the local authorities how they spend the money, but many of those in England are said to have confirmed their plans to issue one-off, single-use vouchers to those who apply for emergency assistance.

Some authorities are planning to hand out food parcels,

The most vulnerable people will be given vouchers for food and to essentials and will divertredeemable extra funds to local food banks enable them to buy more supplies and take on more staff to help.

And others may issue the money as repayable loans, similar to the crisis loans available under the previous system.

Bath and North East Somerset council is one authority planning to offer vouchers, and a spokesman said the council intends to use their allocation to offer a mixture of vouchers and discretionary payments.

Spokesman James Hinchcliffe said: 'These may be supermarket vouchers or electricity or gas vouchers, or they may be Discretionary Support payments, for example to help with housing payments or essential household items.'

A spokesman for Newcastle City Council said it was also planning to offer a mixture of clothing and fuel vouchers, food parcels, and emergency travel costs.

Critics said the scheme may stigmatise those already in trouble, but the Government insists the plans, which will enable local authorities to set their own eligibility criteria, will mean the money will go where it is needed most.

Is it raining curried cats and dogs?

IT was on the takeway menu as a lamb curry – but it baffled food experts who later examined it.

They were surprised when they found the meaty chunks in the spicy sauce did not contain a single trace of lamb.

And the mystery deepened as DNA tests went on to rule out beef, chicken, pork, goat, horse – and even human flesh.

Eventually they were left with the grim possibility that the unidentified ingredient could be dog or cat meat.

The shock finding is the latest unpleasant twist in

the recent horsemeat scandal. It was revealed in a BBC3 documentary, The Horsemeat Banquet, on Wednesday night.

The Indian curry was bought at random from an unnamed takeaway in London, along with burgers, kebabs and Chinese dishes, as part of a special investigation.

They were all sent for analysis with some unappetising results.

A show spokesman said: “Just when we thought things couldn’t get any worse, the results came in for an Indian lamb curry.

Lamb pussanda? Even the experts don't know what was in curry “It did contain meat – but it was not lamb, not pork, nor was it chicken or beef. Not horse, and not goat either.

“At this moment, the lab is unable to identify exactly which animal this meat came from.”

Nutritionist Surinder

Phull added: “It’s absolutely terrifying because if it isn’t any of the meats we know, well what is it? Where has it come from? Where was it slaughtered?

Was it hygienic? Was it covered in bacteria?”

The documentary makers also found a beefburger that contained no beef, apart from blood and heart.

And the meat in a beef in black bean sauce dish contained mainly chicken blood and chicken scraps, with very little beef.

The only fast food that lived up to its name was a

lamb doner kebab – so often the butt of jokes – that was pure lamb.

One expert said: “It was quite amazing to find something with no stray ingredients.”

The documentary set out to challenge pre-conceived ideas about food, but filming took a unforeseen turn when six samples of popular takeaways were tested.

It is the first time an unknown meat has been proved to be on sale in the high street since the horse burger scandal hit the headlines 11 weeks ago.

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Friday, March 29, 2013

SPANISH NEWS

FAREWELL TO RATON: MAN-KILLER SUPREME 17 years for cop who sold drugs for luxury life

La Verdad

GET your hankies at the ready.

Raton, the most famous bull in Spain, is dead. The lifeless carcass of the mythical creature was found on Sunday morning – having reached the age of 11, the equivalent of 77 in human years and a very good age for a bull.

Raton achieved world-wide fame when he killed a man for the second time, and even had a book was written about his life by journalist Paco Delgado.

Born in Valencia, he was shut in a corral when he was just 12 days old by a group of youngsters who teased and chased him, and pulled the poor creature’s tail until he was absolutely exhausted.

This act may have sown the seeds for Raton’s revenge. Two years later he was so badly injured in a herd fight that his owner, Gregorio de Jesus, almost had him put down. Ultimately young Raton’s courage saved him,

Gregorio deciding to operate on his intestine, impressed that he had faced up to the biggest bulls in the herd.

When Raton started participating in the town fiestas throughout Valencia he soon became a crowd drawer. The fact that he gored several people with his horns and was a real danger to humans meant bigger crowds wherever he went.

In 2006 Raton gored a 54-year-old man to death in Sagunto and two years later he killed a second victim when he brutally attacked a 27-yearold man at the Fallas fiestas in Valencia.

The image of the bull running into the youngster spread across the world like wildfire… and made him even more famous!

ETA MEMBER 'LED A NORMAL LIFE' A MEMBER of the Basque separatist cell ETA has been arrested in Edinburgh and is facing four years in jail.

Beñat Atorrasagasti was handed over by Scottish authorities to France after he was found to belong to the terrorist group – even though he repeatedly denied this in court.

Atorrasagasti is not thought to have been directly involved in any bombings that have led to deaths, but charges against him include helping to smuggle terrorists over the French border.

He was living a 'normal life' in Edinburgh and went by his real identity, authorities heard.

But he is believed to have attempted to get ETA to forge him a passport so he could escape capture.

Originally from Lesaka in the Spanish Basque Country,

he fled to Ciboure in the French Basque Country claiming to be trying to get away from 'Guardia Civil officers who wanted to torture him' and that he then moved to Scotland to 'rebuild his life'.

He had spent four years employed as a wine delivery man unloading lorries, and had two children in Edinburgh in 2008 and 2010.

Although he was extradited to France, Atorrasagasti was released with charges in February pending trial, which will take place on April 22.

A POLICE officer has been sentenced to 17 years in prison after stealing 154 kilos of cocaine and heroin.

The policeman from the Udyco serious organised crime unit spent over a million euros buying yachts, fast cars, flats and even a house on the beach with the proceeds.

The drugs were taken from Sevilla’s police headquarters between 2006 and 2009 after being confiscated from criminals.

The officer Lars Sepulveda (pictured) replaced the drugs with packets of sugar and cement and sold them on with the help of drug dealer, Manuel Alonso Nunez.

Sepulveda was given a 17 year prison sentenced and fined €6.6 million for robbery, drug trafficking and money laundering.

Nunez was given a 15-year prison sentence.

The partners of both were also given shorter prison sentences for money laundering on their behalf.

It is one of dozens of similar cases of policemen being involved in drug dealing gangs around Andalucía over recent years.

Friday, March 29, 2013

SPANISH NEWS

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Corruption is a SWELL ALTET national concern Influx of Russians boosts number of passengers

AROUND 9.5 million passengers will fly in and out of El Altet airport this summer – half a million more than last year.

But the expected figure for the March 31st to October 31st period is still down on 2011, when a record-breaking 9,913,764 people used El Altet.

Twenty-eight routes will be covered from Alicante, 15 of them new destinations. The highest increase is the number of Scandinavian visitors, followed by Brits.

Russian figures are expected to increase by

88%, with two daily flights from Moscow and one from St. Petersburg.

This increase in foreign visitors comes like water to a dehydrated plant, making up for the slow national market, with fewer and fewer Spaniards spending money on holidays this year.

El Altet are also offering three routes to Norway, two to Sweden, and flights to Denmark, Finland, Katowice and Varsovia in Poland, Nuremberg and Cologne (Germany), Kiev (Ukraine), Gatwick and Heathrow.

A TAXI driver who recognised his passengers as the two men who had attacked one of his colleagues a few moments earlier drove them straight to the police.

National Police had been called at around 00.15hrs on Saturday to report an armed robbery of a taxi driver at the crossroads between C/ Ayora and C/ Chiva in Valencia city centre just minutes earlier.

One of the men had grabbed the driver round the neck and pressed a sharp object against his jugular while the other grabbed his wallet containing the night's takings.

As this was being broadcast on the taxi headquarters' internal radio system, another driver recognised the men described as two

passengers he had just picked up a few streets away.

Without warning, he drove them back to the site of the attack where his fellow driver and the police were still gathered by the roadside.

He managed to take the men back to the site of the crime without their suspecting anything, and they were immediately arrested.

They were found to have committed three robberies in taxis on the same night, on one occasion hitting a driver on the head with his head-rest, and on another, they did not manage to make off with any cash.

Two Spanish men aged 33 and 45, both with an existing criminal record, were taken in for questioning.

Taxi driver delivers robbers to police

CORRUPTION has been recognised as one of Spain’s major problems following a national opinion poll.

Results from the most recent CIS survey reveal that 40% of Spaniards now believe corruption and fraud to be the country’s second biggest problem after unemployment.

The statistics, recorded just a week after El

Pais published the alleged Partido Popular ledgers, show that public concern has more than doubled from the 17.7% in January’s poll.

The perception of corruption to be one of Spain’s principal issues is the highest since 1994’s ‘Filesa case’, another financial scandal involving high-ranking politicians, embroiled the nation.

Other cases thought to have influenced the results are the Gurtel investigation, allegations against the king’s son-in-law Inaki Urdangarin, and alleged acts of espionage in Cataluna.

Unemployment, which has now topped over five million people, remained the first concern for 79.9% of the 2,472 people surveyed.

Benidorm warms up for summer

BENIDORM Council are looking to install a gauge this summer which will test the sea water temperature and publish the results daily on the town webpage.

Anyone will be able to see the water temperature all year round, and it is believed

this will give autumn and winter tourism a boost, when visitors see that the sea water is “warm” almost 12 months a year.

Councillor María Ángeles Valdivieso commented that the temperature oscillates between 15C in the coldest months and 27C at the height of summer.

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Friday, March 29, 2013

Kicking off the holiday season at Costa Narejos

With its exquisite cuisine, lively entertainment programme and stunning surroundings, Costa Narejos is one of the most popular hotels on the coast.

Located only a stones throw away from the fabulous beaches of the Mar Menor, this welcoming 4-star accommodation provides the perfect getaway for families, groups or individuals alike. Costa Narejos has been listed among the top ten hotels in the country, by users of the popular vacation compare site Trivago, and has also been presented with an Award of Excellence by rival compare site TripAdvisor. International Chef, Paco Marin treats diners to an extensive buffet during both breakfast and dinner times, with something to satisfy all palates and appetites.

Costa Narejos is not just about sun and sangria- although they do promise plenty of it- as they also offer a varied entertainment programme. Live music is provided every Monday and Wednesday evening, with a

series of variety nights aimed at raising money for local charities continuing every Thursday. Guests can enjoy all of the sounds of the great Swingtet Orchestra on April 4, 18 and 25; May 9 and 30; and September 12 and 26. Jukebox Promotions will get everyone in the party mood on April 10; May 1; June 5; and October 3; when they will be hosting their Swing Sensations show, featuring talented artists Patti Ross and Darren Jones.

Costa Narejos is open throughout the season, from now until November 2, offering readers of The Courier FREE accommodation on production of the voucher displayed here, allowing you too to discover the beauty of the area. The gift will include an entrance pass to make use of the Spa facilities, for all stays of 2 nights or over.

For further information or to make a reservation please telephone 968 583 980 or email enquiries to info@hotelcostanarejos.com.

Friday, March 29, 2013

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Friday, March 29, 2013

Horrorscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 The incredible temperature will affect today in ways that I simply cannot foresee.

I believe it will be the kind of temperature that requires the movement of clothing, either on or off - the difficulty is that the fog of mystery surrounds you. I guess what I'm saying is that it will be hot or cold. Or possibly somewhere in between.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Being mean is what makes bullies happy - don't make them have to be unhappy.

Imagine what the mean spirited little twats would do then. Screaming "Death to the Infidel!" as you're walking through busy airports or shopping centres, will leave you with bruises in special places. Since last week you have been finding it harder and harder to have fun.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 One part love, one part hate. This is a recipe for your life. One of the things you've always liked about life is how seemingly lucky you are. Expect big changes this week, ya jammy so and so. Any change you receive today will help you feel like someone is contributing to your lifestyle.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 Many of the truths you desparately cling to are beset by the fact that you read only comic books and talk to children. Purple clouds are not usual, nor is red rain. You really must stop pretending that the pictures your niece draws are real. The opportunities you once had are all but gone. Seize any new opportunity with all your might.

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 You may find that you have to see out most of the day with only one eye to guide you.

There are always good reasons to ask a fellow human to "step outside", and you may be forced to do this over the coming week. Ten to one may seem like fair odds, but then how likely are you to be able to successfully breed Pandas with Llamas (a Panama).

Virgo August 23 - September 22 To avoid embarrassment, please avoid wearing underwear on incorrect areas of the body. When in danger, you have a tendency to run away quickly. Harness that ability today as you'll need it sometime around 4pm. The life of a party you most certainly aren't this weekend. If you are extremely tired, you may find that you fall asleep at some point.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Today is a day like any other, try not to expect too much from this segment of 24 hours. LEDs may come to the rescus for your today, shining fluorescently to the answer you truly seek. The scars left on your knee are there for everyone to see.

Deja vu is the feeling that someone's patronised you before (often by telling you what deja vu means).

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Hats have always looked good on you.

Yes, today is definitely a hat day. Go hat!

The countries that have issued orders for your arrest will close in today and cause you to go without clean pants for two days.

Malicious gossip may reach your ears this week and cause a great deal of paranoia.

God may try to speak to you today through a kitchen appliance.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 You can't hide from the rest of the day, so I suggest you burst headlong into it without waiting for anyone to catch up. Your vision won't fail so long as you avoid sticking forks into your eyes. "Thinking strategically" is a cop-out. You did what you did because you're a selfish competitive little person.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 You may develop a sudden interest in the backs of things today. This is not the first time you've been caught out. You must really be careful in future. The tension between you and a co-worker may ease today as you suddenly realise you have other stronger ties. The Nigerian bank that is holding your email-friend's money does not exist.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 "Headlice!" is not something to be screamed in terror at the local bus stop.

Swollen ankles and sore knees are the best you can hope for today. You may never find what you're looking for, but at least you managed to find that picture of the chimp sitting on a toilet reading a newspaper.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Many of your problems can be solved by sitting down with a pen and paper and doodling pictures of houses and perhaps tornadoes. Today can be what you make of it: beautiful or throughly horrific. Regret can hurt you over a long period. Lament today, but tomorrow must be a day for anger and retribution.

Friday, March 29, 2013

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Friday, March 29, 2013

Ford ‘deeply regrets’ Indian adverts

Ford has apologised for a series of Indian adverts depicting women tied up in the back of cars.

One of the adverts for the Ford Figo, not available in the UK, showed three women tied up in the back of a car, with ex Italian Prime Minster giving a victory sign from the front seat.

A second advert shows Paris Hilton in a car with the Kardashian sisters bound and gagged in the boot.

The message on both adverts reads: "Leave your worries behind with Figo’s extra-large boot."

A spokesman for Ford said: “We deeply regret this

incident and agree with our agency partners that it should have never happened. The posters are contrary to the standards of professionalism and decency within Ford and our agency partners. Together with our partners, we are reviewing approval and oversight processes to help

ensure nothing like this ever happens again.”

The adverts, created in India, come days after a Swiss woman was raped in the country and a British woman jumped from a hotel balcony fearing she would be raped and only weeks after the gang rape of a student on a Delhi bus.

Friday, March 29, 2013

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Friday, March 29, 2013

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 13 represents G and 16 represents Z, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Little Richard eats without a complaint (7) 5 Mother’s church love the virile (5) 8 Kind of liberal reading system (7) 9 Fidget as it’s hot in bistro (5) 10 Cries out for massages, say (5) 11 Cunning dreamer got more guns (7) 12 Flog the endless rash (6) 14 Screen puzzle (6) 17 Clear it out ready for a performance (7) 19 Bad weather in which a pastor must go out (5) 22 Swims across river and gets wet (5) 23 A sign or a gesture of kindness will bring out the best in this Italian madame (7) 24 Cheeky comeback in Andy’s Saskatchewan speech (5) 25 In German them strange hymns (7)

Down 1 Did not finish dressing bird (5) 2 Box buried in consecrated ground (5) 3 Listens, sort of, then joins up (7) 4 Guides the cattle (6) 5 Coffee with an old bird outside the church (5) 6 Asked for decimal change (7) 7 Dour Eve’s preparation is outstanding (7) 12 Harangues one involved in deals (7) 13 Coke sir? Drunk in the mountains! (7) 15 Discernment can be noticed (7) 16 This type of television is in the blood (6) 18 Before the end of the day, the trial will make you irritable (5) 20 Sea-air adds a little weight to one (5) 21 Has in mind great wealth (5)

STANDARD CLUES

Down

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Air Ale Ate Bad Met Own Sad Sag Set Tic Urn Vow 4 letter words Alga Aloe Alto

Cede Dash Egos Game Gibe Hair Halo Here Ibis Idea Idle Iris Leas Lies Near Owed Peru Pies Robe

Sane Slam Tale Them Thou Typo Weed Yawn 5 letter words Agape Alien Areas Awoke Begin Bleak Block Dance Elite

Heeds Niece Oboes Orbit Pagan Pilot Polar Probe Spice Swage Tenet Tribe Villa 6 letter words Busted Dahlia Gateau Hornet

Ordeal Relish Rhinos Uncurl 7 letter words Ensnare Parapet 8 letter words Cenotaph Irrigate 9 letter words Twinkling Unsettled

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across

Across Down 1 Delight (6) 1 Examine (6) 4 Estimate (5) 2 Support (7) 8 Inert gas (5) 3 Level-headed (8) 9 Betrayer (7) 4 Target (4) 10 Infer (7) 5 Additional (5) 11 Naked (4) 6 Scream (6) 12 Top (3) 7 Strong metal (5) 14 Distribute cards (4) 15 Keen on (4) 13 Conversation (8) 18 Consume (3) 16 Flatten underfoot (7) 21 Optimism (4) 17 Seats (6) 23 Set free (7) 19 Faith (5) 25 Sickness (7) 20 Motive (6) 26 Gawps (5) 22 Bohemian dance (5) 27 Elegant (5) 24 Twisted (4) 28 Belittle (6) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Heretic, 5 Amiss, 8 Mention, 9 Pipes, 10 Sleek, 11 Inertia, 12 Pester, 14 Parson, 17 Shamble, 19 Meant, 22 Elite, 23 Sterile, 24 Shack, 25 Respect.

Down: 1 Hymns, 2 Range, 3 Trickle, 4 Candid, 5 Ample, 6 Impetus, 7 Sustain, 12 Possess, 13 Stamina, 15 Aimless, 16 Censor, 18 Break, 20 Agile, 21 Theft.

Scribble Pad

1 Small songbird (5) 1 Childhood disease (7) 2 Cargo container (5) 5 Manly (5) 3 Joins up (7) 8 Written language for the 4 Guides (6) blind (7) 5 Fine coffee (5) 9 Irritate by rubbing (5) 6 Alleged (7) 10 Requires (5) 7 Late (7) 11 Got more guns (7) 12 Beat soundly (6) 12 Diatribes (7) 14 Conundrum (6) 13 US mountain range (7) 17 Musical performance 15 Perception (7) (7) 16 Colourless fluid part of 19 Tempest (5) blood (6) 22 Trickles (5) 18 Cranky (5) 23 Italian woman’s title (7) 20 Greenhouse gas (5) 24 Impudent (5) 25 Hymns of praise (7) 21 Intends (5) Last weeks Solution Across: 7 Basalt, 8 Apogee, 9 Less, 10 Pristine, 11 Pageant, 13 Repel, 15 Grace, 17 Battery, 20 Dried out, 21 Aloe, 23 Malice, 24 Spells.

Down: 1 Mate, 2 Hassle, 3 Stipend, 4 Tacit, 5 Sortie, 6 Reindeer, 12 Agrarian, 14 Lactose, 16 Cretin, 18 Thames, 19 Loser, 22 Oily.

Across

Down

1 Waterfall (7) 5 Pájaros (5) 8 Enemy (f) (7) 9 Liqueur (5) 10 To cough (5) 11 Witness (person) (7) 12 Botón (6) 14 Pedestrian (6) 17 To shiver (with cold) (7) 19 Spades (tools) (5) 22 Key (door) (5) 23 Card (greetings card, visiting card etc) (7) 24 Sombra (5) 25 Zanahorias (7)

1 Pecho (tórax) (5) 2 Semillas (5) 3 Open (not closed) (7) 4 Lover (6) 5 Campanas (de iglesias, puertas) (5) 6 Recibo (de haber pagado) (7) 7 Solomillo (7) 12 Batallas (luchas) (7) 13 Terrace (7) 15 Emperador (gobernante) (7) 16 Ártico (6) 18 Thirteen (5) 20 Full (room, hall, theatre) (5) 21 Focas (5)

37

Friday, March 29, 2013 Across 1 Which small nocturnal African primate with very large eyes is also known as a ‘galago’? (8) 5 In snooker, what name is given to the long-legged rest for a cue that can be placed over a ball without touching it? (6) 9 Singer/guitarist Raymond Burns, who topped the British singles charts in 1982 with Happy Talk, is better known as Captain (Who)? (8) 10 Which gin- or vodkabased cocktail shares its name with a small T-shaped tool with a screw-tip for boring holes? (6) 12 Which river, the 20th longest in the world, forms the border between Texas and Mexico? (3,6) 13 Which word can mean ‘rub hard so as to clean’ or ‘vegetation consisting mainly of brushwood or stunted forest growth’? (5) 14 Which unit of land area is equal to 4,840 square yards?

(4) 16 What is the name of the fairy tale character who brings good sleep and dreams by sprinkling a magical ‘dust’ onto the eyes of children? (7) 19 What is the name of the

seed of flax that is used as a source of oil? (7) 21 Which lively Celtic folk dance with music in simple or duple time, is a variety of country dance in which the dancers perform travelling figures alternating with ‘setting’ steps danced in one place? (4) 24/25 Which world-class British long-distance runner is the current women’s world record holder in the marathon with her time of 2:15:25 hours? (5,9) 27 The 1977 movie A Bridge Too Far told the story of the attempt by British and Polish units in September 1944 to secure a bridge at which city in the eastern part of the Netherlands? (6) 28 In Britain, what title is given to the wife or widow of an earl? (8) 29 What name is given to the stiff, sharp-pointed woody projections on the stems or other parts of a plant? (6) 30 Which ‘taboo’, regarded as a crime in some countries, is described as ‘voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse’?

(8) Down 1 The name of which small,

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

inexpensive restaurant is thought to have derived from the French term for ‘brandy mixed with coffee’? (6) 2 What name is often applied to any device that

receives a signal or stimulus such as heat or pressure or light or motion, and responds to it in a distinctive manner?

(6) 3 Which common name is

given to a number of unrelated thicket-forming thorny plants, including species in the genera Rosa, Rubus and Smilax? (5) 4 Which word can mean ‘an even distribution of weight ensuring stability’ or ‘a figure representing the difference between credits and debits in an account’? (7) 6 Derived from an archaic word for ‘powerful’, what name is given to the competitive test of a horse’s ability to jump large obstacles in show jumping? (9) 7 Which region of the Atlantic Ocean with calms, sudden storms, and light unpredictable winds has given its name to ‘a state of stagnation or depression’?

(8) 8 Which white powdered poisonous trioxide of arsenic is used in manufacturing glass and as a rodent poison and weed killer? (8) 11 In the children’s television series Postman Pat, what is the name of the title character’s pet black and white cat?

(4) 15 The surgical operation for delivering a child by cutting through the wall of the mother’s abdomen is known as a ‘(what) section’? (9)

17 A ‘mahout’ is the name given to a person who drives which type of large pachyderm? (8) 18 Which 1991 Queen album, the last to be composed entirely of new material, contained the songs: I’m Going Slightly Mad, The Show Must Go On and Headlong? (8) 20 Which word can mean ‘a small pointed missile’ or ‘a tapered tuck in a garment’?

(4) 21 What is the surname of the MP for Wokingham, a former secretary of state for Wales, who challenged John Major for the leadership of the Conservative party in 1995? (7) 22 Which word that means ‘affected, over-refined, and ineffectual’ is derived from the Latin for ‘worn out by bearing young’? (6) 23 St Helier is the capital of which British Crown dependency off the coast of Normandy? (6) 26 What is the surname of the Czech-born tennis player who captured eight Grand Slam singles titles, including three US Open and three French Open championships, during his illustrious career? (5)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

EL TURISMO - TOURISM

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

el taxi

leer un mapa

el tour

los mercados

la gorra

los monumentos

la mochila

los museos

la reserva

los recuerdos

las entradas

una guia

las estatuas

zapatos comodos

movies / tv QUIZ

ANSWERS: 1. Mike Gatting 2. Michael Johnson 3. The St Leger 4.

Nottingham Forest 5. The Ryder Cup 6. Eagle 7. Joe Frazier 8. Brazil 9. Ten Pin Bowling 10. Marbles 11. Eyes

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Shandy, 4 Madrigal, 9 Squint, 10 Cyclamen, 12 Echo, 13 Nationwide, 15 Subcutaneous, 18 Hot cross buns, 21 Narcissism, 22 Apse, 24 Londoner, 25 Forint, 26 Creosote, 27 Pliers.

Down: 1 Suspense, 2 Abu Dhabi, 3 Dong, 5 Amy Winehouse, 6 Relinquish, 7 Gambit, 8 Linnet, 11 Balance sheet, 14 Autopilots, 16 Surplice, 17 Asbestos, 19 En bloc, 20 Bronze, 23 Boil.

la turista Empareja estas palabras - Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.el taxi,2.el tour, 3.la gorra,

13.los recuerdos, 14.una guía,

i.the tickets, j.to read a map,

4.la mochila, 5.la reserva,

15.zapatos cómodos.

k.the museums, l.the cap, m.the reservation,

6.las entradas, 7.las estatuas,

n.the rucksack, o.the markets,

8.la turista, 9.leer un mapa,

a.the tourist, b.a guide,

10.los mercados,

c.the statues, d.the souvenirs,

11.los monumentos,

e.comfortable shoes, f.the taxi,

12.los museos,

g.the monuments, h.the tour,

Soduko

Span - Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1f, 2h, 3l, 4n, 5m, 6i, 7c, 8a, 9j, 10o, 11g, 12k, 13d, 14b, 15e.

1. Which Cricketer Captained England In 23 Test Matches Between 1986 And 1988?

2. Who Ran The Fastest 200m Of The 20th Century?

3. In Horse Racing Which Of the 5 Classics Is Run Over The Longest Distance?

4. From which club did Manchester United sign Roy Keane?

5. The Solheim Cup Is The Womans Equivalent Of Whhich Famous Sporting Cup ?

6. What is the name of a golf stroke that is 2 under Parr for the hole?

7. Who Was Beaten By Muhamed Ali In The Bout Entitled The Thriller In Manilla?

8. Which Nation Did France Beat 3-0 In The Final Of The Football World Cup In 1998?

9. Which Sport Is Played With The Heaviest Ball?

10. Too much beer has been blamed for British teams losing what Championships to Germany - for the second year in a row on G 11. In a standard deck of cards (excluding the jokers) there are 42 what?

Fill It In

38

Friday, March 29, 2013

TRELI ON THE TELLY

with ALEX TRELINSKI IF you watch Sky's channels, then you would have been bombarded with trails over the last month for their new American apocalyptic series, Revolution.

Plugging on that scale means that it’s either brilliant or a complete lemon. It starts tonight with a double episode on Sky One, and it’s a load of rubbish, which explains why the channel has spent a lot of time trying to drum up viewers for it!

AN ELECTRICAL APO-COLLAPSE! It's all about what happens to our planet when all the electricity is switched-off, and it’s the latest project from J J Abrams, the man behind Lost. His TV life has been mixed in the last couple of years, having made the disappointing Alcatraz, but hooking up with Batman director Christopher Nolan for the top-notch Person of Interest, currently on

Channel Five.

Revolution is just such tame fare compared with, say, The Walking Dead, or even the nasty alien invasion on Falling Skies, that I just don’t get the point of it, which is the conclusion that many American viewers have reached as well.

Watching the great Derek Jacobi in a rerun of the great I, Claudius on BBC4 has prompted me to mention that he’s hooked up with another great acting knight, Ian McKellan, for a television rarity: - an ITV sitcom called Vicious, which by all accounts is hilarious.

It’s due to air at the end of April, with Jacobi and McKellan playing a gay couple who have lived together for some 50 years. The script has been written by Gary Janetti, who has penned sto-

q

ries for the American hits, Will and Grace, as well as Family Guy. The cast also includes Frances de la Tour, who was in the last great ITV comedy, Rising Damp, way back in the 70s. Is this something of a positive omen?

This is the nervous time of year for American TV producers as they wait to see whether their shows will be safe for another season.

Both N.C.I.S. and Bones were renewed ages ago, and I was delighted to hear the news from CBS, that they’ve picked up CSI (currently on Channel Five) for a 14th series. They were quite right in saying that the new cast and better stories have totally refreshed the series, but it looks like curtains for the New York spin-off, which Channel Five are holding

q

back on until later in the year.

The word from the States is also that The Mentalist may be in trouble (more bad news for Five), along with the new series, Vegas. We’ll keep you informed.

It may be the Easter Holiday weekend, but at least we have some new goodies to festoon over. Take BBC1 tomorrow evening, with the return of Dr Who, as well as series two of The Voice. I liked the first series last year, though I thought it fell a bit flat in the live stages, so those have been reduced and we’ll get even more of the trademark swinging chairs.

And then on Monday, Sky Atlantic brings us the third series of the magnificent Game of Thrones, which is the best example of a grand movie I’ve seen shot espe-

q

cially for television. I’m certain we won’t have long to wait either for some wincing violence or some bedroom action!

ITV’s Coronation Street has literally been on fire for the last fortnight, and it’s also decision day for Tyrone tonight. Will we actually get some justice for a change in a Weatherfield courtroom, especially as Kirsty has been exposed?

Broadchurch continues to be the best new drama of the year on a Monday night for ITV, and a quick mention is needed for Michael Cockerell’s wonderful BBC2 profile of the London Mayor, Boris Johnson.

In a very open programme, I think too many skeletons came out for the Mayor's comfort, but good on him for taking part.

The Courier Friday TV 01:05 Fame 03:15 Skiing Weatherview 03:20 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 Heir Hunters 10:45 You've Been Scammed 11:15 Real Rescues 12:00 Bargain Hunt 13:00 The Mystery of Mary Magdalene 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:10 Regional News and Weather 14:20 Escape to the Country 15:10 Beat the Pack 15:55 Countryside 999 16:40 Flog It! 17:10 Pointless 17:55 Ratatouille 19:35 BBC News 19:50 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 MasterChef 22:00 My Hero 23:00 BBC News 23:10 Regional News and Weather 23:20 New Tricks

00:20 Ancient Egypt: Life and Death in the Valley of the Kings 01:20 The Culture Show

01:50 Panorama 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools - Making Media 05:30 Schools - Play On! 06:00 Music Technology 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:25 Homes Under the Hammer 08:25 Real Rescues 09:10 You've Been Scammed 09:40 The Little Polar Bear 2 10:55 Suspicion 12:30 Talking Pictures 13:10 North West Frontier 15:15 The Great British Bake Off 16:15 The Great British Bake Off 17:15 The Blue Planet 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Country Show Cook Off 20:00 Great British Menu 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Ancient Egypt: Life and Death in the Valley of the Kings 23:00 QI XL 23:45 Winter's Bone

00:40 River Monsters 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 30 Years of CITV 11:25 The Home of Fabulous Cakes 12:25 Murder, She Wrote 13:25 Tipping Point 14:25 ITV News and Weather 14:35 ITV Meridian Weather 14:40 Countrywise 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 17:00 Ade in Britain 18:00 The Chase 19:00 You've Been Framed!

19:30 ITV News Meridian 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Unforgettable 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:14 ITV Meridian Weather 23:15 Out of Sight

MY HERO

New series. Occasional programme in which celebrities explore the lives of those who have influenced them, beginning with Miranda Hart paying tribute to Eric Morecambe. She tells his story by retracing his steps, visiting the places he appeared with partner Ernie Wise, meeting people who knew him and introducing the performances that made her want to enter the comedy world.

00:55 Extreme A&E 01:50 Secrets of the Stonehenge Skeletons 02:45 Dispatches 03:15 Hugh's Fish Fight 04:10 Time Team 05:05 Come Dine with Me 06:00 Countdown 06:45 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:10 The Treacle People 07:20 The Hoobs 07:45 The Hoobs 08:10 The Iron Giant 09:35 Frasier 10:05 Frasier 10:35 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:45 SuperScrimpers 15:45 Countdown 16:30 The Common Denominator 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 Easter Eggs Live 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 8 Out of 10 Cats 22:30 The Last Leg 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

March 29

00:00 Banged Up Abroad 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Andrea Bocelli: Live at iTunes Festival 2012 12:45 Milos: Classical Guitar Hero 13:15 Rory & Will - Champions of the World 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Barabbas 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 19:35 Ultimate Police Interceptors 20:00 World's Fastest Train 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

39

The Courier Saturday TV

March 30

03:40 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 00:20 The Matt Lucas Awards

08:00 Great British Menu

00:50 Son of Rambow

09:00 Great British Menu

02:20 Weatherview

10:00 Great British Menu

02:25 BBC News

11:00 A History of Britain by Simon

07:00 Breakfast

Schama

11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live

12:00 Meet the Ancestors

12:30 Nigel Slater's Simple

12:30 Map Man

Cooking

13:00 Country Show Cook Off

13:00 BBC News; Regional News

13:30 Country Show Cook Off

and Weather

14:00 Country Show Cook Off

13:15 Football Focus

14:30 Country Show Cook Off

14:00 Bargain Hunt

15:00 Country Show Cook Off

15:00 Richard Hammond's Secret

15:30 Mastermind

Service

16:00 University Challenge

15:40 Freaky Friday

16:30 Flog It!

17:10 Final Score

17:15 The Great British Bake Off

18:10 Pointless Celebrities

18:15 Easter from King's

18:55 BBC News; Regional News

19:30 The Good Life

and Weather

20:00 Richard Briers: A Tribute

19:15 Doctor Who

21:00 Bach: A Passionate Life

20:00 The Voice UK

22:30 QI

21:35 The National Lottery: Who

23:00 Life's Too Short

01:20 Jackpot247 04:00 Any Which Way You Can 05:50 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 07:25 The Hive 07:45 Dino Dan 08:10 Canimals 08:20 Canimals 08:25 Bookaboo 08:40 Matt Hatter Chronicles 09:05 Ultimate Spider-Man 09:30 Victorious 10:00 Jessie 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:25 My Tasty Travels with Lynda Bellingham 12:25 Dinner Date 13:25 ITV News and Weather 13:39 ITV Meridian Weather 13:40 Countrywise 13:55 March of the Penguins 15:20 The Chase 16:20 The Incredible Hulk 18:30 ITV Meridian Weather 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 You've Been Framed!

20:00 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 21:20 The Cube 22:20 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:20 ITV News and Weather 23:34 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 300

00:05 Rude Tube 01:10 Random Acts 01:15 Carlos 04:00 Happy Endings 04:20 2 Broke Girls 04:45 St Elsewhere 05:30 Deal or No Deal 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Rallycross 08:25 The Grid 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:50 Frasier 11:20 Frasier 11:50 The Big Bang Theory 12:20 The Big Bang Theory 12:45 The Simpsons 13:15 The Simpsons 13:45 Undercover Boss USA 14:45 Channel 4 Racing 17:00 Come Dine with Me 18:50 Channel 4 Racing 19:35 Channel 4 News 19:55 Easter Eggs Live 20:00 Sarah Beeny's Selling Houses 21:00 Walking Through History 22:00 Labyrinth

THE VOICE UK

Dares Wins 22:25 Casualty 23:15 BBC News; Weather 23:30 Match of the Day

01:20 Saturn 3 02:40 The Flying Scotsman: A Rail

Coaches Tom Jones, Jessie J, Will.i.am and Danny O'Donoghue are all back to find the hottest new singer, although there are a few changes. This year the popular chair-spinning blind auditions will last longer, the battle rounds offer the coaches a chance to steal the rejected acts for their own teams and a new knockout stage sees the hopefuls choose a `killer song' in a bid to win a place in the live shows.

Romance

00:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 01:15 SuperCasino 05:00 Motorsport Mundial 05:25 House Doctor 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:30 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Olive the Ostrich 07:50 Abby's Flying Fairy School 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Animal Antics 08:25 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 City of Friends 08:50 Mio Mao 08:55 Castle Farm 09:00 Little Princess 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Jelly Jamm 11:00 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 11:10 Power Rangers Samurai 11:45 Batman: The Brave and the Bold 12:10 Inside Hollywood 12:15 The Gadget Show 13:15 Whale Adventure with Nigel Marven 14:15 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 15:15 The Big Country 18:30 Guns of the Magnificent Seven 20:25 5 News Weekend 20:30 CSI: NY 21:15 NCIS 22:15 NCIS 23:15 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

The Courier Sunday TV

March 31

01:00 Anita & Me 02:30 Brooklyn Rules 00:15 BBC News; Weather

04:00 This Is BBC Two

00:30 Match of the Day

07:00 This Is BBC Two

02:05 The Football League Show 03:25 The Uninvited 04:50 Weatherview 04:55 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 09:15 Match of the Day 11:00 Live Easter Sunday from Paisley Abbey 12:00 Urbi et Orbi 12:35 Countryfile 13:30 BBC News 13:35 Weather for the Week Ahead 13:40 Bargain Hunt 14:25 Escape to the Country 14:55 Madagascar 16:15 The Boat Race 2013 18:25 Songs of Praise 19:00 Deadly 60 on a Mission 19:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 The Village 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

00:00 Life's Too Short

07:05 Journey into Fear 08:15 One of Our Dinosaurs Is Missing 09:45 Gardeners' World 10:15 The A to Z of TV Gardening 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:30 Paul Hollywood's Bread 13:00 Great British Menu 14:00 Great British Menu 15:00 EastEnders 16:55 Secrets of Our Living Planet 17:55 Galaxy Quest 19:30 Ever Decreasing Circles 20:00 All About The Good Life 21:00 Donald Campbell: Speed King 22:00 Toughest Place to Be 23:00 Mock the Week 23:30 It's Kevin

00:20 ITV News and Weather 00:34 ITV Meridian Weather 00:35 300 02:40 Jackpot247 05:00 Ladette to Lady: Australia 05:50 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 07:25 The Hive 07:45 Dino Dan 08:10 Canimals 08:25 Bookaboo 08:40 Matt Hatter Chronicles 09:15 Kick Buttowski - Suburban Daredevil 09:30 Almost Naked Animals 10:00 The Aquabats Super Show 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:15 Dickinson's Real Deal 12:15 All Star Family Fortunes 13:00 ITV News and Weather 13:09 ITV Meridian Weather 13:10 King Ralph 15:00 Doc Martin 16:00 Food Glorious Food 17:00 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor 19:05 ITV Meridian Weather 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:30 Andrew Lloyd Webber: 40 Musical Years 21:00 Foyle's War 23:00 Perspectives

THE VILLAGE New series. Epic drama charting the life and turbulent times of an English village across the past century, as seen through the eyes of one resident as he lives from boyhood to extreme old age. The first series spans 1914 to 1920. Twelve-year-old Bert Middleton splits his days between working on the family farm, attending school and having secret swimming lessons with his older brother Joe.

01:05 Big Fat Quiz of the 80s 02:40 Happy, Happy 04:10 Hollyoaks 06:15 Countdown 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Barnyard 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:00 The Big Bang Theory 13:20 The Big Bang Theory 13:45 The Simpsons 14:15 The Simpsons 14:45 True Grit 17:15 Deal or No Deal 18:20 Channel 4 News 18:50 The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader 21:00 Easter Eggs Live 22:00 Labyrinth

00:15 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:10 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 02:10 SuperCasino 05:00 Nick's Quest 05:25 Nick's Quest 05:50 County Secrets 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Mio Mao 07:10 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:20 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:25 The Mr Men Show 07:40 Olive the Ostrich 07:45 Abby's Flying Fairy School 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:15 Animal Antics 08:20 Noddy in Toyland 08:30 Little Princess 08:45 Thomas & Friends 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:45 Jelly Jamm 11:00 Power Rangers Samurai 11:35 Batman: The Brave and the Bold 12:00 Cowboy Builders 13:00 Tinker Bell 14:30 The Goonies 16:40 Miss Congeniality 18:50 5 News Weekend 18:55 Wild Wild West 20:55 Ghost Rider 23:00 Person of Interest 23:55 SWAT

40

The Courier Monday TV

April 1

03:50 This Is BBC Two 07:45 Real Rescues 00:15 Late Kick Off

08:30 You've Been Scammed

00:45 House of Sand and Fog 02:45 Weatherview

09:00 Bargain Hunt 10:00 Talking Pictures

02:50 BBC News

10:40 Citizen Kane

07:00 Breakfast

12:40 The Magnificent Ambersons

10:00 Heir Hunters

14:05 Country Show Cook Off

10:45 Homes Under the Hammer 11:45 You've Been Scammed 12:15 Real Rescues 13:00 Bargain Hunt

14:35 The Great British Bake Off 15:35 The Great British Bake Off 16:35 Countryside 999 17:20 The Blue Planet

14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:15 Regional News and Weather 14:25 Escape to the Country 15:15 Perfection

18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Helicopter Heroes Down Under

16:00 Flog It!

20:00 Hairy Bikers' Best of British

16:30 Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit 18:15 Pointless

21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Paul Hollywood's Bread

19:00 BBC News

22:00 The Other Pompeii: Life and

19:15 BBC London News 19:30 The One Show

Death in Herculaneum 23:00 A Bunch of Amateurs

20:00 Africa 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Jonathan Creek 23:00 BBC News 23:15 Regional News and Weather 23:20 Neighbourhood Watched

00:00 Enigma 01:50 A Very British Wedding

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:14 ITV Meridian Weather 00:15 Premiership Rugby Union 01:15 The Store 03:15 Monk 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Great Outdoors 12:00 Cook Me the Money!

13:00 Live FA Cup Football 15:45 All Star Family Fortunes 16:30 Cornwall with Caroline Quentin 17:00 Ade in Britain 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:30 You've Been Framed!

20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 James Nesbitt's Ireland 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Broadchurch 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:15 FA Cup Highlights

00:05 28 Weeks Later 01:55 The Pool 03:30 Southland 04:10 Come Dine with Me 05:05 Deal or No Deal 06:00 Countdown 06:45 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Dr Dolittle: Tail to the Chief 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:05 The Big Bang Theory 11:35 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Undercover Boss Australia 13:00 Jamie's 15 Minute Meals 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:45 SuperScrimpers 15:45 Countdown 16:30 The Common Denominator 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:25 4thought.tv 20:30 SuperScrimpers 21:00 Easter Eggs Live 22:00 Embarrassing Bodies 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

A BUNCH OF AMATEURS Comedy starring Burt Reynolds. When faded action star Jefferson Steel is offered a chance to revive his career by playing King Lear at Stratford, he jumps at the chance. Trouble is, it's not for the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford-uponAvon... it's for an amateur dramatic society in the leafy hamlet of Stratford St John.

02:50 Holby City

02:10 SuperCasino 05:00 Nick's Quest 05:25 Nick's Quest 05:50 County Secrets 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Little Lodgers 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Milkshake! Monkey 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Andrea Bocelli: Live at iTunes Festival 2012 12:45 David Garrett: Music - Live in Concert 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 Doctor Who and the Daleks 15:55 The Golden Voyage of Sinbad 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 Ultimate Police Interceptors 19:55 The Gadget Show 21:00 Bermuda Triangle: The Mystery Revealed 22:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 23:00 Executive Decision

The Courier Tuesday TV

April 2

00:05 01:25 02:55 03:00 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:30 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:25 23:35

00:35 01:35 02:35 07:00

The Football League Show Underclassman Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Heir Hunters Homes Under the Hammer You've Been Scammed Real Rescues Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Escape to the Country Perfection Countryside 999 Antiques Road Trip Pointless BBC News BBC London News The One Show EastEnders Holby City The Syndicate BBC News Regional News and Weather National Lottery Update The Matt Lucas Awards

Life's Too Short The Mary Berry Story This Is BBC Two This Is BBC Two

07:10 Homes Under the Hammer 08:10 Real Rescues 08:55 You've Been Scammed 09:25 Heir Hunters 10:10 Great British Menu 10:40 Countryfile 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Macbeth 14:45 Animal Park 15:15 How We Won the War 15:45 Country Show Cook Off 16:15 The Great British Bake Off 17:15 The Blue Planet 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 20:00 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 21:00 The Great British Sewing Bee 22:00 Keeping Britain Alive: The NHS in a Day 23:00 Heading Out 23:30 Weather

00:00 The Cube 01:00 Monk 01:50 Jackpot247 04:00 Champions League Weekly 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Cook Me the Money!

16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ade in Britain 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 UEFA Champions League Live 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

THE GREAT BRITISH SEWING BEE Claudia Winkleman presents a contest in which eight people compete to be crowned Britain's best amateur sewer. They are given three challenges, beginning by following a simple pattern for an Aline skirt, before transforming a high-street top by altering the neckline and finally producing a made-to-measure dress for a model under intense time pressure.

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:10 Shameless 02:10 Beauty 03:55 How to Look Good Naked 04:50 Come Dine with Me 05:50 Deal or No Deal 06:45 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 11:30 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Undercover Boss Australia 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Jamie's 15 Minute Meals 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:45 SuperScrimpers 15:45 Countdown 16:30 The Common Denominator 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Bedtime Live 22:00 16 Kids and Counting 23:00 Shameless

01:45 Bomb Patrol 02:40 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 House Doctor 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:55 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Milkshake! Monkey 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trisha 13:00 Looney Tunes 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Rory & Will - Champions of the World 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:10 A Nanny's Secret 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Cowboy Builders 21:00 Whale Adventure with Nigel Marven 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: NY 23:55 Dallas

41

The Courier Wednesday TV

April 3

00:05 00:35 01:20 03:10 03:15 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:30 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

Cuckoo Live at the Apollo Poltergeist Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Heir Hunters Homes Under the Hammer You've Been Scammed Real Rescues Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Escape to the Country Perfection Countryside 999 Antiques Road Trip Pointless BBC News BBC London News The One Show MasterChef Motorway Cops BBC News National Lottery Update A Question of Sport

00:20 The Other Pompeii: Life and Death in Herculaneum 01:20 The Railway: Keeping Britain on Track 02:20 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer

08:00 Real Rescues 08:45 You've Been Scammed 09:15 Heir Hunters 10:00 Great British Menu 10:30 Great British Menu 11:00 Food & Drink 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Darby O'Gill and the Little People 14:30 The Super League Show 15:15 How We Won the War 15:45 Country Show Cook Off 16:15 The Great British Bake Off 17:15 The Blue Planet 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 20:00 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 21:00 Coast 22:00 Hillsborough: Never Forgotten 23:00 James May's Things You Need to Know 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 01:30 04:00 04:45 06:05 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30 23:35

Piers Morgan's Life Stories Jackpot247 Loose Women ITV Nightscreen The Jeremy Kyle Show Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Cook Me the Money!

Dickinson's Real Deal ITV Meridian Weather Ade in Britain The Chase ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Coronation Street Food Glorious Food Scott & Bailey ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV News Meridian Sports Life Stories

SCOTT & BAILEY

00:05 Gogglebox 00:55 Random Acts 01:00 European Poker Tour 01:55 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:25 Sailing 02:50 The Grid 03:20 Rallycross 03:45 Great Migrations 04:40 Come Dine with Me 05:35 Deal or No Deal 06:30 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 09:55 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 11:30 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Undercover Boss Australia 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Jamie's 15 Minute Meals 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:45 SuperScrimpers 15:45 Countdown 16:30 The Common Denominator 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 The Mimic 23:35 Anna & Katy

New series. Lesley Sharp and Suranne Jones return as the crime-fighting duo. Called to the home of an elderly couple who haven't been seen for a while, Janet discovers Eunice Bevan's severed head at the bottom of the stairs, her body at the top, and her husband Joe in bed, emaciated and barely able to speak. Meanwhile, the detective puts her house on the market, admitting her relationship with Ade is over, and three months in to Rachel's marriage to traffic cop Sean, she's starting to feel a little claustrophobic.

00:55 CSI: Miami 01:50 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:55 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Little Lodgers 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Milkshake! Monkey 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trisha 13:00 Looney Tunes 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Dangerous Adventures for Boys 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Looney Tunes 16:25 Backyard Wedding 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 21:00 Rolf's Animal Clinic 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

The Courier Thursday TV

April 4

00:05 02:00 02:05 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:30 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

Insomnia Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Heir Hunters Homes Under the Hammer You've Been Scammed Real Rescues Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Escape to the Country Perfection Countryside 999 Antiques Road Trip Pointless BBC News BBC London News The One Show EastEnders BBC News; Regional News MasterChef Prisoners' Wives BBC News Regional News and Weather Imagine

00:20 Keeping Britain Alive: The NHS in a Day 01:20 Horizon 02:20 See Hear 02:50 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two

07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Real Rescues 08:50 You've Been Scammed 09:20 Heir Hunters 10:05 Great British Menu 10:35 Great British Menu 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure 14:30 Weakest Link 15:15 How We Won the War 15:45 Country Show Cook Off 16:15 The Great British Bake Off 17:15 The Blue Planet 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 20:00 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 21:00 James May's Man Lab 22:00 Horizon 23:00 How TV Ruined Your Life 23:30 Weather

00:35 The Dales 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 British Touring Car Championship Highlights 05:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Cook Me the Money!

16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ade in Britain 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:45 Emmerdale 20:45 Live UEFA Europa League Football 23:10 ITV News and Weather 23:40 ITV News Meridian 23:40 ITV Meridian Weather 23:45 UEFA Europa League Highlights

THE INTERN

Former Dragons' Den investor Hilary Devey gives young people a chance to land their ideal jobs.

Each week, she sends three hopefuls on a trial with a prospective employer, during which they face a series of challenging situations that test their aptitude. In the first edition, candidates try to win a place on a leading hotel's management scheme, but how will they cope when a guest's car is towed away and Hugo Taylor (Made in Chelsea, I'm a Celebrity) is caught in a compromising position?

00:05 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut 00:55 Random Acts 01:00 The Last Leg 01:30 The New Normal 01:55 Revenge 02:45 And When Did You Last See Your Father?

04:20 Come Dine with Me 05:15 Deal or No Deal 06:10 Countdown 06:55 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Frasier 10:25 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Undercover Boss Australia 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Jamie's 15 Minute Meals 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:30 Channel 4 Racing 17:30 Deal or No Deal 18:15 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Secret Eaters 22:00 The Intern 23:00 Dogging Tales

00:50 Poker 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 House Doctor 05:50 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:55 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:30 Little Lodgers 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Milkshake! Monkey 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trisha 13:00 Looney Tunes 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Dangerous Adventures for Boys 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Jane Doe: Vanishing Act 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Whale Adventure with Nigel Marven 21:00 Cowboy Builders 22:00 Killers Behind Bars: The Untold Story 23:00 Jodie Marsh: Bullied

42

Friday, March 29, 2013

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self-employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

AUCTIONS

BABY EQUPMENT HIRE TIPTOP BABY HOLIDAY CARE, travel cots, highchairs, car and booster seats. Buggies. Beach Towels. Free local delivery. www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk.

E-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582

the Church Easter Sunday 11 am. will include a Drama message, please join us The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

CARS FOR SALE

MEDICAL Private Medical Healthcare – call us for your personalised quote, and get covered today, using the best private hospitals in the area.

Call us now on 966 923 963, and we will call you back with your quote.

OVERSEAS PROPERTY Need a UK base, 2 bed brick built bungalow in Kent for sale. Full c/h. long lease, for more details phone 965696113, e-mail, ronelliott1@hotmail.co.uk £20,000 (115)

PROPERTY FOR RENT CHURCH SERVICES

ALARMS All types of alarms fitted, including CCTV. Give us a call on 966 923 963, and we will send a technician to give you a personalised quote.

Call now on 966 923 963.

AUTO ELECTRICIAN

International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer.

Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information c o n t a c t PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com or contact Reverend Eddie on 966769300 or 650509606.

Reg No:2009-SG/A Good Friday Service at 11 am. at

Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully comprehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 bed 1 bath partly furnished apartment. White goods included. Stunning views of the Park of Nations. Great

CARPENTER

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS - for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

location, close to all amenities and Torreviejas beaches. Optional garage space available. Communal Pool.

350 euros per month plus bills. Available end of April.

Contact Zoe on 628 535 479 (Z) Brand new 2 bed, unfurnished/ furnished apartment. Algorfa town centre, swimming pool, rent €225 monthly Or yearly advance €2400 0044-7949-589-539 londonangels@hotmail.com (111) 2 or 3 bed / 2 bath apartments in San Miguel. Lift, communal rooftop pool & solarium, video entry system. Available for short or long term rent from 350 pcm. Tel 966723437 or 636615716. (110) Ref: 61, A lovely two bedroomed ground floor apartment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swimming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking distance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long

term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 33, Ground floor spacious 2 bedroom apartment, located in Torre la Mata.

Close to all amenities and beach.

3 month rental €300pcm Call: 965 707 188 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apartment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 702: Beautiful 2 bedroom apartment, located near los Locos beach, beautifully furnished. Short term rentals from 175€ per week.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

BLINDS

DENTAL

BARBER

CAR BREAKERS

AIR CONDITIONING ALARMS

AIRPORT COLLECTION

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS

43

Friday, March 29, 2013

El Chaparel/La Siesta Two bedroom apartment in a quiet gated urbanisation for rent €350 per month plus bills. Reference No 17 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS Ref. KBJ3 – Luxury duplex penthouse apartment located near the marina in Guardamar. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, amazing panoramic views, inc.parking and storage. 500 € pcm.

966 923 963 Ref. CBR21 – A rare chance to rent a frontline beach apartment in Torrevieja!

Ground floor with large terrace, 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, direct and full-on sea views. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. CBR20 – Spanish style 4th floor apartment right on the beach! 3 bedrooms, 1

bathroom, lovely balcony to soak up the amazing sea views. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. CBR19 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment in sought after area beachside Punta Prima, with communal pool and fully furnished, only 400 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. CBR3 – 2 bedroom 2 bathroom townhouse located in Algorfa, communal pool, fully furnished, 300 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. RS20 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment within private enclosed residential in San Luis, large terrace, 300 € pcm. 966 923 963 CBR18 – Detached Spanish villa, beachside Punta Prima, 4 bedrooms, garage, 1200 m2 plot, own pool, 900 € pcm. 966 923 963 CBR23 : Stylish new house in Los Montesinos, 3 bed 2 bath with large 65m2 garage, front and back terraces. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. RS90 – 2 bedroom detached villa all on one level, fully furnished, as new! Located in El Raso (Guardamar) 400 €. pcm Tel. 966 923 963

PROPERTY FOR SALE Home and Contents cover Comprehensive policies for house and contents with CASER Seguros - excellent prices for expats; policies available in. Call 966 923 963 for a quote.

Playa Flamenca. 3 bed, 2 bath duplex apartment with solarium, communal pool, secure parking and library.

Price €77.750 including furniture. Tel 697 243 365 (111) Villamartin. 2 bed, 2 bath house. Close to the famous plaza. Communal pool, off road parking, car included.

109,750€ Tel: 697 243 365 (111) Ref. BRJ1 – 1 bedroom top floor renovated apartment in San Luis. Great sea and lake views. 55.000 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref: 510, €70,000.

Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. RS63 – 2 bedroom 2 bathroom townhouse in Torrevieja, with communal pool and lots of extras.

95.000 €. Tl. 966 923 963 Ref. RS59 – Detached 3 bedroom 2 bathroom villa in San Luis, plot of 350m2, private pool, and additional “granny annex”. 169.000 €.

Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS1 – Detached 3 bedroom 2 bathroom villa with 900m2 plot located in Toretta Florida. Has private pool, Jacuzzi, sauna and much more! 320.000 € .Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS67 – 2 bedroom apartment with lovely sun terrace located in Playa Flamenca urb with commu-

nal pool. All amenities nearby. 59.995 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS98 - Spacious 2 bed, ground floor apartment 250m from La Mata beach, inc private parking and storeroom. 115.000€ Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS58 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom second floor apartment located in La Mata, communal pool, fully furnished, 79.000 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS84 – Large 3 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment of 100m2 situated in Los Montesinos.

Communal solarium upstairs with pool.

79.900 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS20 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment within private enclosed residential in San Luis, large terrace, 90.000 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS65 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom penthouse apartment, communal pool and parking area, located near the beach in Guardamar.

79.950 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. KEIGUA – Luxury duplex atico apartment in Guardamar. 3 bedroom 2 bathroom, 118 m2, private parking, storage room, communal pool, magnificent views of forest, beach and sea. 169.000 € Tel. 966 923 963 Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking

and faces large oasis communal pool. Walking distance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Ground floor duplex, with splendid views. Quiet location in Gran Alacant.

Immaculate condition. Price has just been reduced to 105.000 and includes everything. For viewing call 627 711 155 Ref. No K27 Rare opportunity to purchase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles.

It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground parking, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essential. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath

Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks projected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 communal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popular urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref 533: Lovely 2 bedroom Townhouse located in the popular area of Punta Prima, the property has a large lounge and fully equipped kitchen, 2 double bedrooms, one with balcony, bathroom with double shower. €126,000 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

44

Friday, March 29, 2013

Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge-Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off-road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool nearby. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Top floor Duplex. Very good price of 108.000 euros for a quick sale. Furnished to a very high standard, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, Lounge Diner, Glazed in Porch, Large Roof Top Solarium.

Choice of Communal Pools,

Private Parking. Walking distance to all amenities and on the First urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant.

Viewing essential. Ref No. K44. Tel. 627 711 155 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interior furnishings are top quality, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and graveled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in shower units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Balsares is opposite Gran Alacant where the proposed golf course is now being

KITCHENS

ELECTRICIAN

started so this property will virtually be on the golf course, it is an investment not to be missed. The property is on a small gated urbanisation of 18 houses with private underground parking for 2 cars and direct access to the house, communal pool and toilets/changing rooms etc.

The house is brand new and consists of 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, lounge with working fire place, large kitchen 12 m2, large galleria/ utility room, bedroom balcony and front tiled terrace. This property also has a converted under build for an extra lounge or bedroom. ref K52 €198,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant Opportunity to purchase a beautiful 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed,large kitchen, detached property with roof- top solarium. Well established gardens and drive way for 2 cars, whilst also overlooking the projected 18 hole golf course.

Comprising of fitted wardrobes, utility room, air con H/C, alarm system, electric wall heaters, inter-

com system, fireplace, ceilings fans, 8x7 gazebo, use of 2 large communal pools, immaculate condition with many extras. ref K12. €180,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant bargain, detached villa with pool on 400m2 plot. Briefly comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, Lounge Diner, independent kitchen, solarium with views, well maintained gardens. Quiet location yet within walking distance of all amenities. Top quality furniture and appliances included in the price. Extras include, mosquito nets, grills, toldos blinds, built in wardrobes, gas fire, electric heating, ceiling fans, English & Spanish TV, tastefully tiled & graveled garden with irrigation system. ref K43. €229,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant South facing attractive corner house Situated in the sought after urbanization of Monte Faro, this secure gated urbanization offers a stunning oasis pool, with mountain views,

PETS

POOL TABLES

tennis courts and football courts. Consisting of 3 double beds with balconies, 2 bathrooms, kitchen leading onto court yard which can easily be converted into an extra room, lounge diner with working fireplace, front garden with private parking for 2 cars. Being sold fully furnishes with white goods, built in 2006 so immaculate condition hardly lived in. Ref K48 €168,000 priced for quick sale Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Large detached villa with beautiful gardens set on 550m2 plot, built in BBQ area and large 10x6 pool.Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner with fire place, Independent Kitchen, air con H/C, Solarium, front porch, converted under build with 3 extra rooms, private covered parking, irrigated gardens, close distance to beach and amenities. Ref. K18 €250,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge-diner, independent kitchen, full roof-top solarium with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242

Gran Alacant beautiful detached villa with very large pool and within walking distance to the Gran Alacant Commercial Centre.

This villa comprised of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, lounge-diner, Independent kitchen, roof top storage, solarium, porch & terrace.

Large private pool, BBQ area, established gardens and private terraces, Private Parking, Solarium with Views to Alicante. 450m2 plot, fully furnished including white goods. Located in very quiet desirable road. ref.L96. €255,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant Limited edition bungalow. Only six of this type available in Gran Alacant. Constructed in 2003 and immaculately maintained on a large plot size of 500m2 with a 10 x 5 pool.Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge-diner leading out onto front porch, independent kitchen including white goods, outside galleria, court yard, large garage with electric door, roof top solarium and private parking. Also built in wardrobes, Toldos blinds, air con H/C, security grills, alarm, security doors, bathrooms heaters, outside toilet, outdoor lighting, irrigation system, attractive and well kept gardens, beautifully tiled inside and out, fire place, English TV, phone line. Being sold with top quality furniture. ref L95. €275,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant large detached villa with 3 double bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge-diner, fully equipped kitchen, large porch, roof top solarium, 400 m2 Plot, with established low mainte-

PARTY PLANNING

DAMP PROOFING

PLUMBERS

DRAINAGE

PLASTERER

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Friday, March 29, 2013 nance very private gardens with irrigation system, electronic gates, private parking, outside wc, sink & shower, terraces, air con ( h & c ), mosquito nets, grills, alarmed, large spa pool with separate Jacuzzi section.

Within easy walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and close to local bus and tram route.

Ref K33. €260,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working fire place, brand new kitchen with all appliances and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, established irrigated gardens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a converted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished.

Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south-facing, very private villa, with wood-

REMOVALS

land and Alicante views.

Situated at the end of a small cul-de-sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge-diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and storage in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of outside parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant detached villa with converted under build and pool. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge- Diner, Front Porch, Large Solarium, decoratively tiled, Irrigated Garden.

BBQ and Log Storage Cupboard. Raised walls for Privacy. Also many extras, toldos blinds, freshly decorated interior, Grills, Mosquito Nets, Air Con H/C, Ceiling Fans, Log Burner Fire, Electric Radiators, Heated Towel Rails, Alarmed, Phone Line, Satellite UK TV, private parking. Plot size 310m2 under build 100m2. price includes all furniture.The under build consists of 2 beds, lounge, kit/utility room. ref L79. €250,000 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant immaculate

outstanding south facing villa in sought after road. Set on a 350m2 plot with 4 bedrooms, 3 baths,large porch, solarium and terraces. The large under build includes a lounge, kitchen, bedrooms, bathroom and patio doors leading to pool area. Internal & external access for under build. Extras include electric radiators, air con H/C, ceiling fans, gas fire, heated towel rails, extended walk-in shower, fitted wardrobes.

Decorative tiling inside and out.

Panoramic views towards Alicante Bay, Sky TV, phone line and Internet & Private parking, established gardens, water features and fruit trees. Being sold with exquisite furniture and all white goods.

Immaculate finishes and decor. ref L84. €278,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant South facing attractive corner house Situated in the sought after urbanization of Monte Faro, this secure gated urbanization offers a stunning oasis pool, with mountain views, tennis courts and football courts. Consisting of 3 double beds with balconies, 2 bathrooms, kitchen leading onto court yard which can easily be converted into an extra room, lounge diner with working fireplace, front garden with private parking for 2 cars. Being sold fully

furnishes with white goods, built in 2006 so immaculate condition hardly lived in. Ref K48 €168,000 priced for quick sale Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Ground floor south west facing apartment in Puerto Marino close to G.A commercial centre, comprising of 2 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Lounge-Diner, Independent Kitchen with Galleria, Porch area and large tiled front garden, The property is being sold fully furnished and includes all kitchen appliances, H & C Air con is fitted as well as sky TV. The apartment enjoys the use of 2 large communal pools and has private parking in an enclosed electronically gated car park.

Competitively priced for a quick sale. Ref. K40 €91,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appliances & furniture also there is a utility room, open terrace, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten-

RAG AND BONE

nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul-de-sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gardens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,private parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY MANAGEMENT TIPTOP VILLA CARE, total property management, keyholding, holiday and long term rentals. www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk. e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582

QUIZZES Experienced quizmaster/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:- 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT Avon need enthusiastic distributors. Turn your spare time into money! For more information phone Rosh on 966 785 520 (108)

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your problems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are welcome to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

SURVEYOR WANTED

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Friday, March 29, 2013

Greenside Gossip IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

ARISE, SIR TONY

AFTER all Tony Jacklin has achieved in and around the game, I’ve never understood why he hasn’t received a knighthood.

His vistory at Royal Lytham in 1969 was the first home Open win since Max Faulkner 18 years previously, while his celebrated US Open win in Minnesota was the first by an Englishman since Ted Ray did it in 1920.

These momentous victories came at a very important time for European golf, with the European Tour, as we know it today, being formed on the back of his success in the USA. Tony put golf back onto the front and back pages, and in many ways his play was the forerunner of the prolific influx of top European players we have admired since.

That was only the beginning. With the Ryder Cup

It’s time Britain knighted Jaklin the inspirational

dying on its feet, he took it by the scruff of its neck, and today it is one of the world’s truly great sporting showpieces. Concord was commissioned to take his Ryder Cup team to Florida in 1983, to give them a sense of importance and pride - and they came within a whisker of winning.

Two years later, his team triumphed at The Belfry, before going Muirfield Village in 1987 and winning the Ryder Cup for the first time on American soil. He gave his team members the belief that they needed not only to take on the

Americans, but to know they were better than them.

He turned decent players into great ones, and made them feel they truly belonged.

Some sportsmen are knighted on the back of their own performances, and some on the performances of others. Tony was a splendid player who achieved a great deal, as both a player and a leader, and wrote his own chapter in British Golfing history. Having done that, he gave so much back to so many, and for that he deserves our gratitude.

Which I am sure you will

agree.

WHEN NINE CAN BE FINE I wrote last week how times could be getting harder for us golfers and Golf courses should look to find ways of attracting people to the game.

Although it’s far from a novel idea, I’ve often wondered why more clubs with 18 holes do not offer a ninehole green fee. Besides making some extra money from golfers who could not afford the time to play 18 holes, it would also give the golfer a wider choice of ven-

ues to play in two hours.

Admittedly, not all clubs feature two obvious and equal loops, but a lot of courses do have layouts that could offer a shorter but still high quality experience for golfers who, without an alternative to the five hour slog, might be lost to the game forever.

There are clubs that offer a twilight fee; it’s rather a woolly product that gives no indication as to whether you will be able to fit 18 holes or 10 holes in daylight, and the fee is never half the price, so a cheaper green fee with a guaranteed nine could be a

more tempting proposition.

There is even some hard evidence that it could work.

An online American tee-time operator generated in the region of €2.8m for clubs with its “Let’s Play 9” initiative last year, in which many 18 hole venues sold ninehole tee times. The company sold 225,000 rounds in off peak slots for the time conscious players.

Golfers used to playing 18 hole courses have often been put off – quite wrongly in my opinion – from playing a stand-alone nine-hole track. So for 18 hole clubs to offer half the green fee for half the golf seems like a sensible way of making golf more accessible and affordable.

So in these times when good business and marketing techniques are needed to ensure the business can be sustained.

ANNOYING PARTNERS – PART 2

THE other week I wrote about these “annoying partners” One thing is for certain - we have played with them and may have friends amongst them. So here are another four.

game, he never looks for anyone else's ball. When driving a buggy, always speeds past your ball and heads directly to his.

Favourite expression: "But enough about me. What do YOU think of my swing?"

THE SANDBAGGER

Defining characteristics: The 15 handicapper who is somehow playing "much better" than he has in years. Feigns apology when he drops bunker shot within inches of cup,

Favourite expression: "A few beers will loosen up that swing!"

SMOKER

THE UNIVERSITY BOY Defining characteristics: Unable to complete a round of golf without a steady stream of adult beverages. Idea of restraint is to hold off drinking ... until the second hole.

Defining characteristics: The easiest golfer to locate on the course thanks to waft of smoke trailing behind him.

Oblivious to playing partners struggling for air -- and the ash droppings on his belly and putting surface.

Favourite expression: "This is direct from Havana, mate!"

OBLIVIOUS PLAYER

Defining characteristics: So preoccupied with his own

then kicks sand off his shoes like a tour pro.

Favourite expression: "Just having a purple patch, You must have had one!”

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Friday, March 29, 2013

ELCHE DREAM BACK ON! La Liga beckons as Illicitanos put two recent defeats behind them

Murcia offering little, Xumetra burst clear on the right. His Elche 1 Murcia 0 The aptly-named Angel got Elche off to a flier on Sunday long cross found Coro all alone at the far post, but Elche’s top evening In front of a decent home crowd of 14,903 scorer’s stabbed shot was scrambled away, and despite against nasty neighbours Murcia, who are in trouble just enormous home pressure it stayed 1 – 0 at half time.

Early in the second half Fidel outside the dreaded drop zone. cut in from the left, Following the key suspensions which proved costly last week at Numancia, centre back rocks Etxeita and Peligrin returned to shore up the middle of the defence – oh, and (lightweight) captain Generelo was back too in a full strength Elche side.

From the first whistle the Illicitanos tore into their opponents as Xumetra’s header was forced away and Angel’s shot blazed over, but the vociferous crowd didn’t have long to wait for a five man end-to-end classic.

Showing how much he was missed last week Etxeita nipped in to sweep up a modest Murcia attack, played the ball out wide to full back Albacar, who chipped it on to Fidel. The winger’s first time ball found Coro in the middle and he sent Angel scurrying clear. The quicksilver striker took it on to clip it wide of Jimenez in the Murcia goal and give Elche a dream start.

An enterprising lob by Albacar almost caught Jimenez off his line immediately after, and with

Second-half resurrection lifts Saints for Easter La Coca de Aspe 2 Sporting de San Fulgencio 2 TWO second half goals completed a well-deserved comeback for a depleted San Fulgencio side - and ended a barren run of four defeats, writes JORDAN LUCAS. Aspe, lingering around the relegation zone, started well though, Jose Navarro brilliantly denying them an early goal with two excellent reaction saves.

After half an hour of play, the home side took the lead in controversial circumstances, the ball going well over the corner line before being curled into the open goal.

The Saints went into the break frustrated and it got worse

shortly after when Aspe drove forward and their influential striker seemed to have sealed the points for his side.

But aftera succession of Saints corners, Jose Bonmati halved the deficit with a straightforward header after the keeper missed his punch. For the next ten minutes Aspe were repelling San Fulgencio attacks, but defender Aaron Lopez eventually levelled it with five minutes remaining, side-footing his volley first time past the helpless goalkeeper.

San Fulgencio’s next game is at home against Monforte on April 14 at 12 noon.

Becker serves up an ace

MONTESINOS go into the Easter break on a high after a narrow but well deserved victory.

The only goal came on 40 minutes, when a great free kick deep into the box saw Becker rise above the Orihuela defence to head home.

After 65 minutes Andres hit the

CD Montesinos 1 Sporting Orihuela 0

crossbar with a free kick and a relieved Orihuela defence were glad to see the ball cleared.

And in added time, three Monte players on the break contrived to miss a golden opportunity to seal

a more convincing win.

A General Meeting of the International CB Football Supporters Club, The Full Monte, 2013, will be held at Bar Esquina next Wednesday at 7.35pm.

SOARING SERGIO SETTLES SCORE

MAKING a timely run in the box on 13 minutes, Sergio jumped highest and nodded home a Dani corner for a vital Torrevieja win at Utiel on Sunday.

It was the only goal of the game and gave Torry three precious points in their battle for division three survival, writes JEFF SCOTT. Juanfran, reinstated at centre half after returning from injury, played his best game of the season, never missing a tackle and oozing class in every action. Beside him, Rafa was likewise foot perfect, providing solid cover for Manolo in goal.

Captain Jorge, pushed forward into midfield, demonstrated that he is capable of operating effectively in any position.

His tackles and interventions kept Utiel attacks to a minimum. "Mighty Mice" Manu and Luis closed down opponents in possession with demonic obsession in an unrelenting display of determination.

This was a well organised victory, made sweeter with the return to action of top marksman Koeman, who played the final 25 minutes. But it all has to be repeated at Alzira this Sunday morning (11am) with Torry still hovering just outside the relegation zone.

beat his man easily and found Coro only two yards out. It seemed he must score but Jimenez got down smartly to smother the weak shot. In a similar move, this time from the right and again from close in Coro just could not force the ball past the overworked Murcia goalkeeper.

Coro, a great opportunist and so fast on the counter attack, then whipped the ball off a defender’s toe and set off for goal.

As Jimenez came out to narrow the angle the diminutive striker slipped it wide to the unmarked Xumetra, who, with an open goal in front of him inexplicably sliced it wide: it was little wonder ‘Zoomi’ was substituted five minutes later but the crowd favourite earned a huge cheer as he was replaced by Carles Gil. A couple of unnecessarily-conceded free kicks by Elche just outside the box were competently dealt with by heroic Herrera at the back of Elche’s Fort-Knox like defence, now happily policed again by the superb pairing of Etxeita and Peligrin. Mantecon then came on to replace Coro, cue more cheers and in the dying moments Pelayo replaced Angel who had done his job so effectively, and he duly deserved his standing ovation.

With second-placed Alcorcon scraping a 93rd minute equaliser against last week’s winners-over-Elche Numancia, the Madrid-based club are one point ahead of Girona, who won at Mirandes. That means the gap for automatic promotion for Elche is a massive 13 points, but there are still 11 games to go, and this is football . No confident airs yet, and we all know why..

Down in the relegation dogfight, rivals Hercules pulled off a good win at Guadalajara to give them hope, yet are still third bottom, one place above Racing, who entertain Elche on Saturday.

But Murcia’s defeat by the Illicitanos means there are only two points and three places between them and Hercules. Hmm… Mucho Elche!

EVERY DAY’S A FOOTBALL DAY April 1st 1901 The Football League introduces a maximum wage of £4 per week.

2nd 1992 The Blue Brazil (or Cowdenbeath as they are known to non-worshippers) end a 40-game sequence without a home league win as they beat Arbroath 1-0 in front of an awe struck crowd of 225 3rd 1915 The Division One game between Middlesbrough and Oldham is abandoned after 55 minutes, with Boro leading 4-1, when Oldham defender Billy Cook refuses to leave the field after being sent off.

4th 1970 Bradford Park Avenue play their last-ever home league game when 2,563 see the club suffer their worst defeat of the season, going down 0-5 to Scunthorpe. Sixteen days later they play their final game, a 4-2 defeat at Aldershot 5th 1902 The first Ibrox disaster occurs when a stretch of wooden terracing collapses during the Scotland v England international, killing 25 and injuring over 500. Incredibly, the match was restarted 20 minutes after the disaster occurred and a 1-1 draw played, although the result was later expunged from both nations’ records.

6th 1994 The FA call off England’s planned friendly with Germany on April 20 – the anniversary of Hitler’s birth – for fears of political violence.

7th 1963 Costa Rica win the first CONACAF championship finishing top of the final league after beating El Salvador 4-1, Netherland Antilles 1-0 and Honduras 2Compiled by STUART EVANS

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Friday, March 29, 2013

HALF MEASURES!

England wobble at back end as smug-rug Keane puts boot in MANCHESTER United 5 Manchester City 3, Liverpool 2 Chelsea 1. What’s that then, some kind of alternative football results?

Well no, actually it’s the number of players from each club that started the important England game against Montenegro this week: you can’t count the San Marino 8 - 0 Friday farce. I was quite excited when I saw the line up (must get out more) and realised the England team was made up from only four teams; surely the players knew each other well and could play up to their teammates’ strengths?

Well, the first half looked just like that as immediately Wayne Rooney’s brilliant opportunistic chip caught their goalie in no-man’s land, unfortunately coming back from the post, only for the burly striker to score with a firm header from a Steven Gerrard corner two minutes later.

Yes, our lads were then in the driving seat and it looked just like your English red-blooded dreams - a strong, capable national side playing a supposedly good side off the park (Montenegro are actually top of the group table and hadn’t conceded a goal in five

John McGregor reports

matches). England looked great. Hmm… When you’ve been loyally supporting England as long as I have, you half-expect something to go wrong, and in the first half they should have scored more.

Whatever was said in the Montenegro dressing room at half-time had a devastating effect as the home side stormed back and England soon began to wobble.

With huge national support roaring their country on, Joe Hart was suddenly in all the action, nervously dropping the ball one minute, pushing shots round the post the next, but eventually abjectly picking the ball out of the net in the 77th minute as Montenegro equalised after a crazy corner.

To their credit England held out, and nearly nicked it at the end with Gerrard’s volley, but 1 – 1 was the right result.

Predictably spikey-Irish-pundit Roy Keane was sarcastically smug afterwards, avowing England would struggle come September when the next round of qualifiers take place. Just to finish off his hirsutely-challenged appearance Keano appears to be growing a white beard, clashing nicely with his grey back-andsides and artificially-black rug on top: can you take him seriously?

Further Home Countries angst saw Northern Ireland lose 2 – 0 at home to Israel, while sad Scotland succumbed 2 – 0 in Serbia, and after leading with a Gareth

Bale penalty, Wales slumped to a 2 – 1 defeat in Swansea to Croatia.

Hey, it’s back to the future in the league this weekend. Nervous-for-some nine games left, and whereas life at the top looks like who’s into the Euro places after Man Utd, the real excitement is at the bottom and whogoes-down.

Reading’s ruthless Russian Royally appointed Nigel Adkins as their new manager this week, the exSouthampton boss taking the reins at the Madjeski, signing a civilised contract which will tie him to Reading until 2016. Presumably this season is written off, but shares in a Siberian salt mine are available for nice Nige if he does pull off the impossible, Harry Houdini style and keep the Royals up. It all kicks off at the Emirates on Saturday. Hey, wait a minute, that’s Arsenal, lads – remember Bradford, Blackburn and...(sorry, Gooners!).

Harry Who-dini? Looks like even expert escapologist Harry Redknapp can’t pull this one off and keep Quaintly Pathetically Relegated up, the Hoops visiting nasty neighbours Fulham on Monday. It’s not over yet, though overweight divas have been seen moving in the direction of Loftus Road. Game-in-hand Wigan entertain not-out-of-it-yet Norwich. A few other sweaties aren’t out of it, either.