The Courier Week 7

Edition 7

www.thecourier.es

Friday, 8th April 2011

WATER BILL

20 TIMES TOO MUCH!

ALICANTE PUTS UK TO SHAME ON COSTA AIRPORT PARKING: Spanish motorists paying 33% of British charges despite mammoth bill for El Altet terminal Car-park charges in the UK are enough to drive any motorist insane - and the rip-off boys are getting greedier and greedier.

Particularly those who have a captive audience.

Like airports.

I returned to Spain last week after a three-week trip to Manchester knowing I'd be flying into Alicante's new state-of-the-art terminal, an amazing edifice which cost the cash-strapped Spanish well over £500 million in English money.

To be precise, the Madrid government invested 628.67 million euros on expansion works which will double the airport's capacity and cater for up to 20 million passengers per year.

When my daughter Lisa met me on my arrival in Manchester, she paid a whopping £12 to leave her car in the Terminal One car-park for two hours. (well, I forked out the money, actually - that's what parents are for after all).

Fortunately Lisa didn't get carried away with emotion and hug me for an hour when we said our goodbyes last week or another £8 would have been clamped into the jaws of Manchester's money monster.

Continued on p8

RETIRED Orihuela Costa couple flushed after water demand

EXCULSIVE!

By Tony Mayes A RETIRED couple in La Florida thought someone was pulling their chain when they opened their latest water demand letter - the bill was a staggering €1136.01 compared to the usual €60.

Continued on p2

Underground leak went unnoticed for weeks

2

Friday, 8th April, 2011

TELEPHONE

96 672 6437 JUNGLE DRUMS

Picture of the week

96 672 7334

These two Flamingos show how to 'make love' Continued from page 1 Carol and Fred Evans, who have been living in the Costa for the past five years after retiring from Liverpool, were astonished at the bill and first went to the bank to see if the money had been taken from the account. The bad news was that it had.

The second bit of bad news was when the water company told the couple the bill was correct and they had to pay it.

The problem started for Carol and Fred a few weeks earlier, when they spotted water on the tiles in the patio just outside their front door. For a day they thought it was merely condensation, but after that they called in the community

president, John Taylor to investigate. He quickly realised there was a leak and turned the water supply off at the meter cupboard about 20 yards down the road.

"John organised the repair to be done under the community insurance policy and after workmen opened the ground up underneath the tiles it was discovered that the problem was a leak

at a T junction right by the front door.

"The water had probably been leaking there for ages until it got so bad it forced itself up through the tiles so it was visible above ground," said Fred.

When the couple and wife of the president, Dawn Taylor, went to the water company offices they were told that because the leak was the couple's side of the meter they were responsible for the water use and it had to be paid.

"The com-

pany now want to see proof of payment that the leak was repaired by the insurance company, so we are going to them for the necessary documents," said Dawn. "Then we hope that the water company will feel sorry for the couple and refund at least some of the money they have lost," she added.

Ironically there was another water leak in separate part of the community at the same time and that too was repaired. The Taylors are bracing themselves for the arrival of several UK residents returning soon to their apartments, because some unlucky person may also be about to discover a huge water bill.

"The problem is that a water

leak can happen any time under the pavement or patio to a home and remain undiscovered for months because no water can be seen on the surface. If it's the owner's side of the meter they are responsible and by that time it's spotted the bill could be astronomic, enough to be a huge headache for a person trying to cope on a pension," added John and Dawn.

This is now considerable concern for people who are only in Spain for a few weeks of the year because they may turn the water off in their apartment yet be losing thousands of litres unbeknown to them from a leak outside. They could end up owing the water company a small fortune.

E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Alto del Moncayo s/n, Guardamar del Segura, 03140, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 672 64 37 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Dave Bull (English/Spanish) ADVERTISING SALES 96 672 6437 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 96 672 6437 616 332 178 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Vanessa Gran Alacant, La Marina, Guardamar Tel. 638 741 847 Denise La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 697 241 753 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Writers Dave Bull Malcolm Palmer Mick Hardy Spike Paul Payne Sally Bengtsson Tony Mayes Jake Monroe Dan Smith Photographer Mark Welton

Affiliations

Fred, Carol and Down (l-r) with a bottle of water - just imagine the cost of that at the price of Aquagest Levante's water!

Publication Published by Rainbow Media, S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 132 - 2011

Monday Sunny High Temperature: 23°C RealFeel: 26°C

Today Sunny and warm High Temperature: 25°C RealFeel: 27°C

Saturday Sunny and warmer High Temperature: 31°C RealFeel: 31°C

Sunday Sunny High Temperature: 23°C RealFeel: 24°C

Tuesday Bright sunshine High Temperature: 25°C RealFeel: 27°C

Wednesday Sunny and warm High Temperature: 26°C RealFeel: 26°C

Thursday Sun and clouds High Temperature: 27°C RealFeel: 26°C

The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features.

Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non-appearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

3

Friday, 8th April, 2011

EXCLUSIVE FACE IT GUYS… MAN U-FRIGHT-ED! Men who take their football seriously are strongly advised to read no further. Likewise those male chauvinists who feel that women have no right to comment on sport.

Hopefully the only fans left are those who, like me, prefer the game to be a bit of fun as well as a great adrenalin kick at weekends or whenever your team is in action.

Anyway, I’ve just been having a giggle at players’ looks (or occasional lack of them) rather than their onfield skills (or usual lack of them). And I’ve come up with two teams – the Donna Uglies and the Donna Dreamboats.

My sincere apologies to the Uglies – I know only too well that you can’t help the way you look and that, unlike us girls, don’t have the benefit of being able to wear makeup to hide the hideous bits.

(Well, not unless you want to get kicked all around the dressing room and branded a fairy).

But I do question why men blessed with masses of money but few natural attributes other than twinkling feet don’t invest a few thousand in improving their appearance.

Carlos Tevez and Ronaldinho, for example – they took years to find a good dentist and I’m not sure whether the Brazilian has got it right even now. Perhaps he should ask Nottingham Forest striker Robert Earnshaw, who looked like a modern-day Bugs Bunny until he had his gnashers seen to a couple of seasons ago.

Or maybe the Wales hitman found a miracle cure for unattractiveness. Either way, I wonder if the chant at the City Ground these days is: ‘’You’re not minging any more.’’

Poor Rio Ferdinand doesn’t so much need a tooth job – even a ton of collagen couldn’t help the lipless one. Not that the Manchester United captain is bothered, I’m sure. He could probably bed half the women in the city should he wish to, though I suspect the vast majority would have their eyes tightly shut throughout the ordeal.

Before you start telling me I’m no oil painting myself, I’d like to put you right on that one because a young guy told me last week ‘‘Your looks grate.’’ As he’s a Geordie I took that as a compliment.

As for footballers taking stick about their looks, well, not all of

Kasper Schmeichel,

Not everyone has the looks of Beckham

Warren Barton, David Beckham, Gary Speed, Kaka, Jamie Redknapp, Cristiano Ronaldo, Eidur Gudjohnsen, Michael Owen, Fernando Torres, Harry Kewell and David Ginola.

DREAMBOAT XI Fabien Barthez, Gary Neville, Rio Ferdinand, Pigface Rooney, Dimitar Berbatov, Gabriel Obertan, Carlos Tevez, Luke Chadwick, Ronaldinho, Ivan Campo, Peter Beardsley. Subs: Jason Koumas, Iain Dowie and Franck Ribery Anton Ferdinand, Carlton Palmer, Yossi Benayoun UGLYMAN UNITED XI

them can look like former Spurs and Newcastle pin-up boy David Ginola. But at least they can hide their deficiencies by plastering £100 notes all over their faces.

Anyway, I’ve based my Uglies squad on players who have featured in European football over the last 20 years and the unmitigated champions with by far the most mingers are, you guessed it, Manchester United.

Yes, the biggest earners are also the biggest gurners. Here are my teams, in no particular formation. My money would be on the Uglies – even if they couldn’t beat them squarely,

they’d frighten the opposition to death UGLYMAN UNITED XI: Fabien Barthez (was he Donald Pleasance reincarnated?), Gary Neville, Rio Ferdinand, Pigface Rooney, Dimitar Berbatov, Gabriel Obertan, Carlos Tevez, Luke Chadwick, Ronaldinho, Ivan Campo, Peter Beardsley.

Subs: Jason Koumas, Iain Dowie and Franck Ribery Anton Ferdinand, Carlton Palmer, Yossi Benayoun.

Their chairman would be Eggert ‘The Vulkan’ Magnusson (former owner of West Ham) and the manager Harry Redknapp.

Harry’s no oil painting for sure

but he must have the world’s most beautiful wife. Otherwise how did his son Jamie get his good looks? Now for the bestlooking team (are you reading, girls?).

I apologise for most of them being forwards, but my Dreamboat squad would be Kasper Schmeichel (or David James if you fancy someone more experienced), Warren Barton, David Beckham, Gary Speed, Kaka, Jamie Redknapp, Cristiano Ronaldo, Eidur Gudjohnsen, Michael Owen, Fernando Torres, Harry Kewell and David Ginola.

The manager has to be a spe-

cial one - so step up the Real deal - Jose Mourinho.

As for the chairman, I can’t think of a handsome one, so as a lifelong Cardiff City fan I’ll go for the Bluebirds’ Malaysian chief Dato Chan Tien Ghee.

He’s not good-looking but he might just give me access to some complimentary tickets.

So there you have it, a team of Uglies against a team of Dreamboats, even if the good lookers would have no chance of beating anyone with only one specialist defender in Barton).

So much for the important stuff. Now I’ll get back to cooking the roast…

4

Friday, 8th April, 2011

SAYS

THANKS LADS – WE LEARNT SOMETHING TOO! What happens when an injection of youth enters The Courier office?

You know it restores your faith, doesn’t it?

The future is pretty safe in the hands of the youngsters growing up in this mad, crazy, fun, PC correct, gradually warming world.

That’s my opinion anyway and that was only further endorsed when Philip Hall, Jay Pickford and Jack Prunty – three lads from Mar Azul school joined us at the Courier office for the day.

I’m not going to waste good paper space waffling on when you can see for yourselves. So take a look at their work on the right, we haven’t touched it – it’s all their own words and research and we were seriously impressed with their efforts, attitudes and the results and we’re sure you will be too!

Also, well done to all their parents – good lads you’ve got there!

THE COMPETING IS REVVING UP!

By Philip Hall The Formula 1 continues this week at the Malaysian circuit Sepang International Circuit. This 5 and a half km long circuit has a total of 56 laps that's a total distance of over 310 km. Qualification starts at 17:00 (Spanish time) on Saturday 9th April and the main race starts at 17:00 on Sunday 10th April. Last year’s winner at Sepang International Circuit was Red Bull driver Sebastian Vettel. The lap record was set by retired driver Juan Pablo Montoya his time was 1:34.223.

This year I’m sure we are all hoping for a British driver to be stood on the top spot of the podium. Maybe Michael Schumacher will get his 8th championship win.

There has only been one British race winner at the

Sepang International Circuit in the last 5 years and that was Jenson Button in 2009 the same year he won the championship.

Michael Schumacher has won a whopping 7 world championships in his Formula 1

career.

This year’s Formula 1 calendar consists of 19 races and circuits all over Europe.

This year’s calendar has been shortened due to problems in Bahrain. The first Spanish race is on the

weekend of 20th -22nd May it's in Cataluña then the second Spanish race of the year is in Valencia on the weekend of 24th -26th June.

Probably the most anticipated race on the Formula 1 calendar is Monaco which is run on the weekend of 27th - 29th May. Monaco is for me the best circuit on the Formula 1 calendar.

It twists and turns along the French coast line and past the famous Monte Carlo harbour. It’s fair to say that is definietly the best street circuit that has ever been on the Formula 1 calendar. The last race of the 2011 season is in Brazil on the weekend of 25th - 27th November.

HOW MUCH!?

The general feeling among football supporters is that the top footballers earn far too much. Jay Pickford and Jack Prunty, students from Mar Azul International School, will discuss whether footballers should earn the salaries that they do.

Over the years player’s salaries have increased due to foreign investment and a global interest in the top European leagues.

Many players from the world’s biggest clubs are getting hundreds of thousands of Pounds per week due to wealthy owners and successful marketing.

The following players are the highest earning footballers in the world: Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid, £288,000), David Beckham (La Galaxy, £200,000), Yaya Toure (Manchester City, £185,000), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United, £180,000), John Terry

Manchester City the richest team in the world. Since then they have spent over £340 million on players such as Yaya Toure, Carlos Tevez and David Silva.

We think that footballers playing once a week and are gaining over £100,000 is outrageous and needs to be dealt with, there needs to be a wage cap and rules over ownership giving the smaller clubs a chance to compete with the big boys rather than leaving it to chance of being taken over by a billionaire.

Cristiano Ronaldo wearing “his” style.

(Chelsea, £170,000).

Not only do the footballers receive a set weekly wage, but with some major clubs the players also receive expensive luxuries like when a first team player signs a contract with Manchester United they get given an Audi TT as it is

one of the club’s many sponsors.

But it is the club on the other side of Manchester that are the biggest offenders in terms of splashing the cash. In the summer of 2008 the team got bought by mega-rich Arab, Sheikh Mansour, making

Friday, 8th April, 2011

BRIT STABBED IN SPANISH BAR

5

Linda Sage President Toastmaster of Las Palmeras Club Says:

COMMUNICATION IS A MUST

Victim of brawl ‘dies within minutes’

Do you watch Obama or Sir Trevor MacDonald and think, “if only I could talk, present or inspire like that”.

Well, the truth is, it is a skill; just like anything else, that means it can be learnt. Toastmasters International are the world´s most renowned trainers of leaders and professional speakers.

Whether you are tongue tied in social events, or you have a speech to make at a wedding, or maybe talk to your bank manager or client, there again it could be your dream to talk in front of 35,000 people. Confident communication is always an asset, building your self confidence and your speaking skills in a supportive environment makes it fun as well as very worth while. We will be offering the meetings in English and in Spanish, if the thought of speaking in public in your native language seems scary, then in a second language it is more so.

With the financial climate and the need to expand business into other markets it is a fantastic opportunity to hone your presentation of yourself and your business.

Competent communication makes you your own biggest asset and in turn enhances your life and your income.

Magaluf - Popular with Brits Police are continuing to question a British cricket player after a fan bled to death in Spain last weekend, his throat allegedly slashed by one of the players he had travelled to support.

The victim was named as Gary Vigors, 41, and it is reported that he died in front of his family and some friends while they visited a bar in the tourist resort of Magaluf in Majorca. He was allegedly attacked with a broken beer bottle which ruptured his jugular vein in his neck. His attacked has been named unofficially as Thomas Swannell, 44, and has been held on suspicion of murder.

Police tell us that the men were among a party of 58 players and fans affiliated to Finedon Dolben cricket club, a small village in Northamptonshire, and that the club was in Spain to play a touring match against a local side. Mr Swannell, from Northampton, is one of the players while Mr Vigors, who came from Chelmsford in Essex, was there as a supporter.

By Dave Bull Apparently, according to witnesses, the pair traded insults after one of them had been talking to a woman in a bar but the row escalated when the two men bumped into each other at a bar called Café Plaza. Mr Vigors and his attacker are thought to have traded insults earlier during a row over a girl at another bar in the resort.

During the fight Mr Vigors was hit in the neck with the broken bottle and died within a few minutes. His attacker, allegedly Mr Swannell, then ran but was later caught in a nearby street. He had his own injuries from the fight and was taken to the Guardia Civil HQ in Magaluf to be treated and questioned. He was held in custody until going before a judge on Monday where it was expected that he would be remanded until the case came to the court.

In a statement the Guardia Civil said that they were questioning a British man after a compatriot was killed in a bar in Magaluf following an argument, adding that the victim suffered various cuts to his throat which resulted in damage to his jugular vein. Said the spokesman, ‘He bled to death at the scene and we are quizzing the man currently being held in custody as the murder suspect. The two men had travelled as part of the same group. Police have been told that they knew each other.'

Speech Craft is a proactive, specialised 16 hr course that we will be running in the Art of Public Speaking, it is a certificated course and is a major asset to any CV, you do not need to become a Toastmaster to join the course. We are the only area in Spain that is offering this course, registration is required as the groups are kept small to ensure that each participant has the maximum attention and time to develop themselves The first SpeechCraft course will be starting very soon.

Toastmaster Clubs throughout the world are FREE to visit, so we look forward to seeing you on Friday the 8th April at 6pm we are opening the doors to a new Toastmasters Club at Manolo´s Restaurant in Doña Pepa, (by the side of Consum and Lidl) on the CV 905 Crevillente Road.

AN APOLOGY TO READERS

In an article in last week’s issue we referred to the image of Jesus Christ being discovered in a puddle of vomit in Benidorm UNDER THE HEADER, THE FATHER, THE SON & THE HOLY VOMIT. However, following several complaints we now realise that an error of judgement was made by our hopeless editor, Dave Bull, and the article should not have been printed.

The Courier apologises to all those offended by the article which was meant to be funny as part of the April fool’s Day fun but, unfortunately, it was one that went too far.

We hope that readers will continue to enjoy The Courier’s ‘different’ take on life and continue to keep an eye on us so that we can bring you the best newspaper in the region…most of the time.

6

Friday, 8th April, 2011

OLDER THAN EVERYONE ELSE QUIZ

By Alan Gilchrist Costa Blanca’s Top Hypnotherapist

4. Getting fish and chips wrapped in newspaper 5. Their first pet 6. Staying up to the wee hours of the morning to watch a boxing match or a moon landing 7. Who shot JR? 8. Doris Day singing Que Sera Sera 9. Sunbeam Alpine Cars 10. When you "had” to go to Sunday school 11. Hoover Deluxe vacuum machines 12. Marilyn Monroe 13. No Speed limits on motorways 14. No motorways!

15. Concorde and its first flight.

16. Only serving soft drinks in a dance hall.

17. Mods and Rockers 18. The film "Psycho" 19. Buzz Aldrin (the astronaut) 20. How many inches above the knee when a skirt

After the last article was published I was inundated with more trivia about the past. Keep them coming by contacting me on trivia@alangilchrist.com.

Everyone loves remembering trivia about the past so I thought I would devise an on-going quiz that (almost) everyone can join in.

For the younger ones / those young at heart just say the words to your partners or parents and watch their faces light up. Then just sit back and listen to their stories about what it meant to them!

Count all the ones that you remember- not the ones you were told about by your parents!

1. Hector Heathcote 2. Going for a dander or a mooch 3. Their first mobile phone. Looked like a brick

became a mini skirt (answer 7 inches?)

21. When TVs had no remote controls 22. The great train robbery 23. Children’s Hour 24. Their first credit card 25. Marathon Chocolate bars 26. The first heart transplant 27. The Billy Cotton Band Show 28. Capstan Cigarettes 29. Cloth hankies

30. Tide Washing powder with Hughie Green 31. Tuning the radio in 32. Mary Whitehouse 33. Austin Princess car 34. Gas Fridges 35. The blue light outside a police station 36. Teachers ringing a hand bell.

37. Long Dr Who scarves 38. Half a crown and a ten bob note.

39. Collecting stamps and looking for a penny black!

40. A valve going in the TV or radio.

41. Jimmy Jewel 42. "Whacko" with Jimmy Edwards 43. Tomorrows World 44. Mangles and wash boards 45. " You'll wonder where the yellow went when you brushed your teeth with......" (Pepsident) 46. Telex Machines 47. "Home service" on the radio 48. Ford Prefects 49. Their first Chinese / Indian meal 50. The first speed traps.

51. Knowing the local policeman by his first name 52. Monochrome TVs 53. Workers playtime 54. Music while you work 55. Their first watch 56. Billy Bunter 57. "Don't forget the fruit gums ...." (Mum) 58. Victor Mature 59. outside toilets 60. Their first inside toilet!

If you remembered 0-10 = You're still young If you remembered 10-25 = You are getting older If you remembered 25-40 = Don't tell your age If you remembered 40 - 60 = You're older than everyone !

If anyone wants to send in their suggestions, send them to me at trivia@alangilchrist.com

Friday, 8th April, 2011

7

‘NANNY STATE’?

MORE LIKE ‘INTENSIVE CARE’ Is it me…or has the UK finally gone absolutely stark raving bonkers with its ‘need’ to be a nanny state. There was a report in one of the Daily’s where a journalist claimed that on her current earnings she could afford to buy 30 alcopops – per day. This she claimed as crazy and blamed the supermarkets and the government for making alcohol so cheap and readily accessible. Excuse me? She can afford to buy 30 alcopops per day – but who says she’s got to buy them? By the same token this woman could probably buy 50 tomatoes or 150 condoms a day but she’s not going to is she? Unless she works on a roundabout of course, but who can eat that many tomatoes?

Why is it that because something is cheap and available it is therefore, by definition, at the heart of the problem. If the Brits, and the yanks for that matter, were to just stop and take a look for a

minute they’d see that it’s not McDonalds fault that chucky junior looks like a sumo’s mother in law by the time he’s ten. They took him through the door and then filled his face with a litre of coke and half a cow. What I’m getting at is, the government must stop thinking that this is a thing about price.

It’s not. It’s all about culture. They can tax beer till it’s ten quid a pint but there will still be people out at the weekends, drunk or violent, or both, because that is the culture of the UK. You’ve only got to look at our host country (like many others in Europe) that sells alcohol CHEAPER than the UK and makes it available at any time of the day. But go down to the square on a Saturday night in Santa Pola and you won’t see people fighting and vomiting, you’ll see families, including teenagers and young men and women, enjoying themselves – with a drink and not because of it.

People will get hold of booze no matter what

WRONG TIME TO SAY NO No sooner had I got in from the bank and another all-powerful institution was knocking at my door…Bertie and Wooster were here and, oh boy, did we have a frank exchange of views.

You see they were banging on about how people die of various diseases and that it was God’s will that some be ‘taken’ early and no matter what the doctors did – it was destined to be – it would happen, they would die. My mum had been treated for cancer and although the prognosis had been good, you never know. I asked them if they thought that she shouldn’t have

This is a true story, the only changes made are people’s names to protect… .er…me. I wrote this directly after Debbie came into the office today and started hassling me.

I’ve said ‘no’ so many times but Debbie does not give up easily. What did she want?

She wanted me to put my details on her friend’s new dating website but I really didn’t want to get involved, until that was she told me that it was full of women and there are hardly any men on it. Ok, I agreed, to do it – on the condition that she puts in all the details - if she wanted me on there so badly.

Off she went, returning frequently with questions about my favourite food and what chocolates I would buy my first date.

Marmite sandwiches and Smarties were, apparently, not appropriate answers so HAVE YOU SEEN Gaddafi’s Debbie said not to worry – she’d fill it out. I face lately? Hopefully, so you can have another look, by the time you read this he hasn’t been shot/blown up/assassinated…and I know he shares those sentiments.

But does he look worried? Not a bit, but he does look like he’s suffering from the worst hangover, ever. I know that look, and so do you – we’ve seen it in the mirror the morning after. So perhaps that explains his erratic behaviour over the last 30odd years, he’s been bladdered all that time (also explains the reported flatulence problem too). How can you tell if he’s slurring his words in Arabic?

And he never drives himself does he? What’s the betting he’s even got his own kebab shop or Indian take away in the grounds? That’ll be it. For years the west has put him forward as one of the worlds most dangerous dictators, while all the time he’s been on the booze. I could be wrong but the last time he met Barak Obama he slung his arm over his shoulder and said, ‘I bloody love you…hic’

seen a doctor, or had the radio therapy that had saved her life.

In a sombre voice Bertie said that no matter what treatment she had, if it was God’s will that she had ‘passed over’ then that is what would have happened. I put it to them that the next time I’m in the sea, and should I get in to trouble I should, in their way of thinking, not fight to survive – but just go with it and drown. To which he replied, ‘yes, David’.

Thinking it over carefully, I slammed the front door on them…just after I’d said, ‘What a load of @#!%*?@*!’

MAD, BAD OR BLADDERED?

Do not shout...

LOVE AT THE CLICK OF A BUTTON left her to it, not really intending to ever do anything more with the website anyway.

However, by the time I got home I was curious, and in the darkness of my bedroom, like a kid looking at porn, I brought up the website all the while taking furtive looks at the closed door in case my son should walk in. If he caught me on a dating site my life would not be worth living – I could see him doubled up with laughter already and I refused to give him the pleasure – so back under the duvet with the laptop.

I filled in all the boxes required for the search, the ‘female’ box obviously gets a tick although the availability of ‘other’ alongside the (I thought) only other choice ‘male’ is a little worrying. Height, build, fat, thin, I tick all the relevant ones and hit the search button.

You know when you open the front door and someone is standing there that you haven’t heard approach – it frightens the life out of you doesn’t it? Well that’s how I felt as, in the darkness supplied by a thick duvet, up popped the face of my perfect match – Debbie from the office. I tried again several more times, changing the criteria with each go, but still the only person who came up was her….never mind. I’ll just have to rely on my charm in future…oh dear…

8

Friday, 8th April, 2011

AIRPORT RIP-OFF Manchester Airport car-park rates from front page

by DONNA GEE Instead, she just dropped me off and vamoosed, leaving me to discover my flight was being delayed for well over an hour for technical reasons.

We eventually arrived at Alicante half an hour late and by the time I plonked myself down in my friend Valerie's car, it had been parked in the airport's new 2,700-space multi-storey

facility for an hour and a half.

At Manchester prices, that would have meant a fee of £8 just to pick up a passenger who had already paid a fistful in airport taxes as part of her air fare.

In the event, Val's 1 hour 38 minute stay cost me 2 euros and 95 cents. That's less than one-third of Manchester's rip-off tariff - at an airport whose owners must be desperate to recoup its massive invest-

Impressive - Alicante Airport

ment as quickly as possible.

Exactly the same charge, based on a minute-byminute reading which equates to just 70 centimos for the first half an hour, is levied at other major Spanish airports, including Madrid's main Barajas facility, Malaga, Barcelona and Valencia.

How refreshing that a nation in desperate financial straits should put the passenger before profit, unlike the greedy '' fleece

'em for as much as we can'' attitude in the UK. When my sister flew to Manchester from her home in the Middle East recently, fellow passengers on a delayed Jet2.com flight consoled her by insisting the plane was ALWAYS late in order to ensure that family and friends had to park up for at least an hour and incur that obligatory £8 fee.

I understand that Stansted charge similar prices to Manchester, whilst Heathrow's initial £2.50 charge goes up to £4.30 after just half an hour (or at least it used to, though it may well have increased since those figures were reported).

Perhaps that's why Spain is in a worse economic pickle than Britain...the Zapatero government prefer to remain needy rather than labelled as greedy.

So carry on with the overcharging, Britain.

Enjoy squeezing the public to the pip.

I'll continue to chill out on the cheap here on the Costa Lot-less.

9

Friday, 8th April, 2011

MAD ABOUT RELIGION?

Tony Mayes …says it like it is.

Listening and reading the news at the weekend it seemed as though the world had finally gone completely insane.

There was the religious nutcase in America who burned the Koran, followed by two vicious and totally callous attacks

by Muslims on unarmed UN workers, none of whom were American and their only crime was they were non-Muslim and foreign.

Here is an example of religion at its very worst. Down the centuries religion or conflicts surrounding it, has been responsible for more deaths and misery than anything else.

Then there is the continuing strife in the Arab world as people in country after country rise up against dictators who have clung to power by utter ruthlessness. Hundreds of people have been killed, and sadly, many more will die before peace returns. Then there is the situation in the Ivory Coast, in Africa, where an estimated 1,000 people have died in fighting. It's caused because, following elections, the defeated prime minister refuses to give up power and the internationally-recognised victor's supporters have taken to arms to try to win power.

Ironically all of these sad affairs leading to so many deaths, have a common cause - greed, ruthlessness and a total belief that they are right and everything and everyone else is wrong.

Firstly let's look at the crazy clergyman in California burning the Koran. He knew his action would inflame Muslims, but because of his fanatical belief that he was right and others were wrong, he went ahead anyway. The result was the death of totally innocent people, followed by a denial from the crackpot that what he did was not responsible for the

Muslim uprising.

The situation in the Arab world results from fanatical desires by ruthless rulers that they have a total right to govern. They too are in complete denial that what they are doing, by supressing millions of people, is wrong. It's the same fanatical belief that led Hitler to do what he did.

In the Ivory Coast it's the same sorry story, a lunatic desire to cling on to power and authority at any cost and to be in complete denial that anything they do is wrong.

And as I write this I hear of the latest atrocity in Northern Ireland, where a car bomb has killed a young policeman.

The theory is that it was the work of a dissident Republican splinter group. Again it's the same fanatical belief that they

are right and everyone else is wrong that has led to this appalling act.

I am now going to address my final remarks here to all those people who have religious beliefs bordering on the fanatical - all who think they are right and everyone else is wrong. I want you to imagine a group of people who have lived their lives as well as humanly possible, have been kind, generous, thoughtful to everyone all their lives, and have lived as closely as possible to God's teachings. Each of them is of a different faith - Christian, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, Roman Catholic, Seventh Day Adventist, etc., etc. Assuming there is a Heaven, can you imagine God denying a place there simply because one person happens to be a Methodist and another is a member of the Salvation Army, for example?

The Bible and the Koran are blueprints upon which to lead as wholesome a life as possible and document the way for a life in the hereafter. When it comes to the rest of religious doctrine, most of it is man made, rules created as a result of ancient divisions. What we all should be doing is looking to the future, not the past, and finding ways to heal those divisions.

If we don't, the conflicts between faiths and cultures will only get worse. If God is there, he's surely wringing his hands in dispair at man's inhumanity to man in so many parts of the world. A final thought - who can blame the growing number of people who say they no longer have a faith when they are being failed by the very people who should know better.

10

Friday, 8th April, 2011

TWASA RIGHT GOOD NIGHT! Times Square Irish Bar – Gran Alacant

Spike goes to work and has a chat with Gavin A visit to Times Square, a new Irish bar in Gran Alacant, went down a treat with Spike as he munched away on delicious ‘samples’ from Gavin while interviewing one of the costa’s newest business owners.

Sounds good, so what do people like most about Times Square?

I’d say it’s the warm friendly atmosphere combined with the Irish home cooked food, prepared by a real Irish chef with 25 years’ experience. Plus of course good old fashioned Irish hospitality and having live sports on 3 large TV screens means the guys can watch their match in comfort.

We also have a large outdoor seating area and there’s always something going on at Times Square with top quality weekly entertainment.

So what’s the history of bar?

Well, the original owners were from Newcastle and I was the chef; I was originally trained as a Confectionist and baker and later went onto to train to become a chef.

Having a background like that is very important to me and my work because everything I make, I create from scratch; nothing is out of a packet or pre prepared included bread and cakes.

I’ve taken over the bar with Dave my business partner and between us we are breathing some fresh air back into the place with a whole new menu, good regular entertainment and like I said earlier, a warm friendly welcome.

So some on tell us, what do you do?

We are and Irish themed bar and restaurant and during the daytime we provide fresh home cooked meals and snacks.

During the evening the bar turns into more of a club atmosphere with entertainment such as disco, karaoke and live bands.

Actually these sausages are delicious…right… er, future plans…?

Ha-ha. Ok, well during the day we are going to continue pushing our already popular menu and concentrate on family and light entertainment e.g. bingo and other pointless games…ha-ha and during the evening we have transformed the bar into the place

to be for great music and live entertainment.

For example at Easter we have a selection of bands booked to play various dates over the holiday including OMEGA, the popular Irish themed band.

So going back a month, how was Paddy's day?

Brilliant in a word. A great night of entertainment completely sold out with only standing room available. Everyone really enjoyed the Paddy's day menu and got into the spirit of the night.

The celebration started with a good old fashioned family sing along but as the evening progressed it turned into an electric filled atmosphere with lots of inebriated, but happy, party goers.

Twasa right good crack!!!

See Times Square’s advert below, and trust me, they are worth a try– the food was delicious!

By (a slightly heavier) Spike…

Friday, 8th April, 2011

By Suzanne Manners Sticks and stones may very well break bones but words will utterly devastate. A carefully aimed word or two is more powerful and effective than any heat seeking missile.

Whoever said that words cannot hurt was either illiterate or a moron. Even a lack of words can be fatal, as demonstrated by the deadly refusal of Thomas More to pronounce King Henry the Eighth as head of the church.”My silence is no sign of any malice in my heart” he assured the king, who chose to believe the opposite.

The function of words is to carry meaning. Put these into a well ordered phrase and you have the ultimate weapon of mass destruction.

And, as Thomas More discovered to his cost, even the gaps between words can carry deadly poison. We teach our children to talk but we neglect to teach them to listen, for in the listening, all meaning is found.

Consider the language of war: terminate with extreme prejudice, ethnic cleansing, and final solution. Innocent when taken as read, but between the gaps, hidden in the darkness, lurks a terrifying reality. These words have killed.

I often tell my children to keep their mouths closed to prevent the words from falling out. Once out, they can never be rounded up and hidden away. No matter how often you are told how brilliant you are, you will only ever remember the criticism, the insult, the burst of angry words hurled like spears, the lie, and the negative comment. Words are like that, they’re clever, sneaky and above all dangerous.

Dictators are aware of the power of

words and frequently send spies into the market place to listen. Keep your thoughts to yourself or you will be forced to eat your words. Stalin had such a fear of words, that he had more poets and writers murdered, than any other dictator.

Once when watching the news with my mother, I swore, (the news often made me angry), the word flew out of my mouth and landed on the floor between us. It crawled slowly towards her and was just about to lodge itself into her ear, like a nasty little playground tell tale, when my brother dashed in and stomped all over it with a tirade of his own, particular and very singular, words (some of which were upside down and back to front due to his dyslexia). I have never loved my brother more than in that moment. His bluster averted what would have been a painful clip around the ear.

QUOTE: ‘A carefully aimed word or two is more powerful and effective than any heat seeking missile’ Being careless with words is as bad as being careless with the recycling.

How often have words, in common usage, been flung into the wrong bin?

Hero, for example, is now used to describe footballers, X Factor contestants and minor celebrities. Wayne Rooney is not heroic on the football pitch; he is merely gifted, or talented.

A fireman heading up the stairs of the World Trade Centre while everyone else is hurtling down is, however, most definitely heroic. Losing a game is not tragic, losing a loved one is.

Even the word gifted is misused. Most people are talented, some are truly gifted but these people are few and far between (and tend not to socialise with the likes of us).

My brother’s problems with words remained unacknowledged until he was in his thirties (instead of asking for help he misbehaved). Once known as word blindness, Dyslexia now encompasses many different forms of language difficulties.

Sometimes letters in a word are mixed or missing. It can seem as if the words move around on the page like psychotic ants. My friend Anna, an aging hippy who loved mountaineering, often went off on a tandem when speaking, and once (memorably), arrived on a tangent with her boyfriend. She was the Hilda Baker of the mounting risqué squid. She confused us all once by inviting us to watch the Blackpool hallucinations under a trampoline. But, Anna’s biggest fault was her extreme honesty. Anna couldn’t lie and if one did not want the truth, one soon learnt not to ask Anna. She was brutal in her honesty and never understood the reaction to her words. She wasn’t mean and she certainly never set out to deliberately hurt anyone, she just couldn’t help it. Her honesty was as difficult to contain as her dyslexia.

She once announced at a wedding, that her sister had always found it difficult to find a boyfriend due to her ugliness. We were mortified, not least because, Anna’s sister was noted for her ugliness, but her sister just shrugged and sighed, that was Anna.

However, when Anna complimented you, it was like the sun shining on a perfect summer’s day, because you knew that it must be true.

For a writer, words are like paint (though not as difficult to wash off jeans). Sometimes they are leaden and grungy, unresponsive and pedestrian. No matter how much you squeeze and coax they remain bunged up in the tube of your brain. I hate the sly little buggers. I sit, pen poised over blank page, fingers hovering (although Anna’s fingers ‘Hoover’) above the keyboard....nothing...silence (and not in a clever Thomas More kind of way) a dearth of words...an absence of words (a new collective noun). I try shaking my head but not one of them will dislodge itself and fall. I know, that at times like these, my words have their pyjamas on and are tucked up in bed with a nice cup of cocoa.

So, to paraphrase Hemmingway, you can learn a lot from listening.

‘Most people never listen. ‘Listen to the words in your head before you set them free and allow them to wreak havoc with the feelings of those around you. After all, an indiscriminate war of words can create a heck of a lot of collateral damage.

FANCY A DATE FELLAS? HERE'S a date for the men!

There's a breakfast meeting of the Full Gospel Business Men's Fellowship International at the new Asturias restaurant in Punta Prima, Orihuela Costa, on Saturday, April 16, at 10am.

A full English breakfast with tea and coffee will cost 5 euro.

Speaker will be James Browne, of Orihuela Costa.

He was born and raised in Belfast and served in the British Army until he was aged 40. In December, 1989, at the age of 23, he had an encounter with God which changed his life. He will be recalling this and the lifechanging experiences at the breakfast meeting.

11

12

Friday, 8th April, 2011

ORIHUELA DISPLAYS ITS HISTORY

Orihuela City is fast becoming the cultural capital of Valencia following the inauguration last week of the Pedrera Foundation Museum, which is located in the Palace of Sorzano de Tejada.

The museum was inaugurated by the Mayor of Orihuela, Mónica Lorente,

and Antonio Pedrera, a lifetime Orihuela resident and businessman who has, thanks to a very generous donation, made the musuem become a reality. The Mayor was also accompanied by the Territorial Director of Patrimony, Concha Sirvent, the Alicante Diputada in charge of Culture, Pedro Romero and the Orihuela

Mónica Lorente, and Antonio Pedrera

Councillors for Culture and Urbanism, Pepa Ferrando and Antonio Rodríguez Barberá, who have both been in charge of the museum restoration project.

Ms Lorente said that the opening of this new museum, which comes just one month after the opening of the Museo Diocesano de Arte Sacro, is another

important event for Orihuela city and a further step in making the city an outstanding cultural destination for tourists from all over the world. She said: “I would like to thank Orihuela´s son, Antonio Pedrera, for his amazing generosity and the wonderful vision that he had in transforming the Palace Sorzano de Tejada into this amazing museum, which I am sure will gain national recognition.” She added: “I would also like to congratulate the team of workers, from the carpenters to the painters, who have realised Antonio´s vision and restored and conserved this building for the benefit of all Orihuela residents and the promotion of culture in our city.”

The musuem is currently displaying some amazing works of art by famous Spanish artist, Joaquín Agrasot, who was born in Orihuela in 1836 and who died in Valencia in 1919.

The Mayor concluded: “The museum along with this exhibition of fine art by Joaquín Agrasot, will put Orihuela on the map, not only in the Valencia

Community but in the county and also within the art world itself.” She told Antonio Pedrera that she was so proud of his vision for the city and for what he has accomplished for the citizens of Orihuela. She said: “You continue to have a dream for Orihuela and provide a flood of opportunities for the city, which come from

a deep support of the city´s historical and cultural roots.

You are a very generous man Antonio, and on behalf of every Orihuela resident, I want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts. This musuem is for everyone to enjoy and because of your generosity, I am delighted that it will carry your name and your seal of quality.”

POSSIBLE ARSON ATTACK IN SAN FULGENCIO 2,500 square meters of shrub land in San Fulgencio was set alight.

Police Local of San Fulgencio on Tuesday received phone calls warning of a fire in a ravine Situated close to the CV 860 on the road that connects San Fulgencio with Elche. The location of the fire was not far from the access to El Oasis urbanization and La Marina urbanization so it was regarded as a serious threat and helicopter air support was requested. As the location of the fire proved difficult to access, local San Fulgencio police were helped by officers from the Elche police to find a way for the fire engines to get close to the fire. A helicopter also dropped water on the fire.

The blaze was contained and finally extinguished at approx. 11:30am on Tuesday this week according to information received from the staff of the fire brigade at the scene. San Fulgencio council and the local police want to thank the local residents for their cooperation in raising the alarm quickly as the fire may well have caused damage to structures if it had been allowed to spread. For more news in English from San Fulgencio and the urbanisations please visit the website www.lamarina.info.

13

Friday, 8th April, 2011

PEACEFULL SEASIDE TOWN INVADED

BY BIG HAIRY BLOKES The Santa Pola sharks are a new Rugby club from the picturesque seaside town of Santa Pola in Alicante. And although most peoples perception of rugby players are of big hairy, beer swilling blokes, we are in fact a family orientated club comprised of seniors, ladies and juniors.

We put a lot of effort in to making our club part of the Santa Pola community where everyone is welcome.

The club will be training on Playa Lisa beach over the summer while their grass pitch is being made ready. Training will be from 17.30 for the juniors and 19.00 for the seniors on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We will also be holding informal beach rugby also on Playa Lisa on Saturday afternoons starting at 15.00 Also at the club we have the Santa Pola rugby academy.

Here is the Academy mission statement.

To identify, recruit and develop, from all sources, the most talented young players and bring them through the Academy and place them into a collegiate rugby program or Rugby Super League side. To provide top class coaching by qualified staff to give each Academy player the best opportunity to suc-

NEED SOMETHING TO DO? Learning to paint and draw is probably one of the most relaxing and satisfying hobbies you can learn, and what better time than when you have retired and have a bit of time to yourself? Classes are an excellent way to meet people, especially if you have moved to new community and you may be astonished at what you can achieve.

A good teacher will make sure you have adequate drawing skills before introducing you to painting, because you need the build-

ing blocks. If you have no idea about how to really look at what you are trying to draw, as opposed to simply seeing it – you will probably get it wrong! But it’s worth the effort because like learning a new language, you are opening new channels in the brain and becoming more creative. Imagine the satisfaction of seeing your work in a frame – and being able to make special and personal gifts for friends and family.

To find art classes in your area check out www.costaart.net

A BIT OF ALRIGHT ON THE NIGHT? They say that a dodgy dress-rehearsal is usually the sign of a stunning performance. That was true for Company Women on Friday March 11th when they presented their annual Gala Awards.

Not that they had had a dress rehearsal exactly. But certainly the preparation for the event had not always gone smoothly. With the president called away at the last minute and the remainder of the team, led by Belinda Regan, picking up the pieces, the run-up to the event certainly had its moments.

But on the night, it was more than all right. There were some nerves, and

there were one or two last minute adjustments to make, such as when the chicken disappeared from the menu, but in true female fashion they improvised and filled any gaps to present a united performance that celebrated the achievements of members and non-members.

In case you’re wondering who the winners were: • Gina Marks – SOL Production TV for Business Excellence • Debbie Mackelston – the Electrical Shop for Customer Focus and as overall winner • Belinda Regan – Web PR for being ‘Top Banana’ They were ably assisted

and abetted by Janet Grout who hosted the event and selected by judges Andrew Stevenson of FX Foreign Exchange, Aoife Leddy of the Coastrider, Tatjana Radalovic of Alicante Entrepreneurs and Graham Shelton of Spanish Number Plates.

And, of course, mentioning the sponsors is a must.

Thanks to FX Foreign Exchange, Bernie D’Arcy’s (the 19th Hole), Bar Viva la Vida, Looking Good Boutique and Quesada Autos. Dipping into their pockets they helped make it happen. After all, there’s always another award evening to start planning for…

ceed. To provide the most appropriate individual player development, mentoring and support programs. To provide the most appropriate competitive program for each player and to constantly review their progress. To identify, recruit and develop, from all sources, the most talented young players and bring them through the Academy and place them into a collegiate rugby program or Rugby Clubs that could or may be interested in the said player. To provide the best possible means for our players to succeed. To provide the opportunity for Academy players to continue in further or higher education. To build good working relationships with Colleges and Universities. TO teach responsibility, discipline and respect for themselves and the game. To set high standards for integrity, honesty and performance. SPRA would also like to build a network or Players, coaches, Fitness Expert & analyst, and exchange ideas of rugby related matters of any form or colour. SPRA would like to thank all for accepting, to be part of us as rugby has brought us together, and for accepting each other as rugby friends. Good luck to all with your rugby."

For more info e-mail santapolasharks@gmail.com or telephone 650 892 044

LADIES ONLY FUN RUN LAUNCHED IN ORIHUELA

The Departments of Sports, Equality and Culture at the Orihuela Town Hall have announced that the municipality´s first ever Ladies Only Fun Run will take place in Orihuela City on Sunday 1st May. This sporting event, which will start and finish in Avenida Teodormiro, will take place along the streets of the city and will be 3.5 km in length. Organisers have said that participants can run, jog or walk around the route and they are invited to bring along their mothers, sisters, daughters, grandaughters and girlfriends in order to show super sisterly solidarity! To enter the run you must subscribe to the event online at www.crono3.com or telephone 96 673 77 20.

More information can also be found at www.clubathleticoriol.com or www.orihuela.es.

The Councillor for Sports, Antonio Lidón,

said: “We want this to be a huge event for the ladies of the Orihuela municipality and beyond. We want ladies from the city itself, the hamlets and the coast to join in the fun and we want ladies of all ages and nationalities to come along and enjoy the day. We can promise that it will be an unforgettable experience and one that we hope, will become an annual event for Orihuela.”

This short walk/run around Orihuela will be good training for all those ladies who are taking part in the 5km AECC charity fun run/walk the following month in Playa Flamenca on the Orihuela Coast.

Organisers, Maria Wilson and the Pink Ladies, will be publishing more details on that event, which is in collaboration with the Orihuela Costa Town Hall and takes place on Sunday 5th June, within the next few weeks.

THE ROYAL WEDDING IN ROJALES

Paul Cunningham Nurses in association with Rojales Town Hall Officially Invites Everyone to a FREE Fiesta

The great tradition of Street Parties and Celebrating our Royal Weddings is not going to be any less for HRH Wills and Kate Middleton on Friday the 29th April.

From 11am to midnight there is going to be an action packed day in the Market Place in Rojales.

Truly international food and drink throughout, competition, prizes, game, shows, live music, play area for the children, TKO live from the venue, the Wedding will be shown on a large screen.

Classic cars, our own bride and groom, all sorts of stall, games and things to see and do through out the whole event. Extreme Dance Troup will be performing before their major international competition in the UK, Pilates, Zumba, Modern Jive demon-

strations will also get your pulses racing.

Junior will be sporting a football shoot out and there is a major memorabilia auction for some very well know Pop Stars……..

Wine tasting and loads of amazing attractions.

For the Little People there is a Mad Hatters Tea Party, at 5.30pm this is the only thing that needs to be booked.

As time goes on confirmation of acts and attractions will be coming, so mark it in your Diary as a great day out…..29th April.

If you are in Quesada the little Train will be running all day long in a circle to and from the event.

For more information watch the local press and listen to TKO radio. Or call Linda on 966 716 919

14

Friday, 8th April, 2011

FBI TARGET BRITS

(er…that’s ‘Female Body Inspectors’ to you…)

National police in Madrid have arrested a cheeky gang of thieves who pretended to be police even wearing T-Shirts saying ‘FBI - Female Body Inspector’

Some of the items recovered

A real copper guards the suspects - although it looks like the driver could do with a parking lesson..

Nine people have been arrested in Madrid as police broke up a gang that was a poor imitation of themselves. So bad (or good, depending on how you look at it) were there ‘uniforms’ that not only did they have the amusing TShirts but one of the men stopping cars on Madrid's roads had a tie made out of a Spanish flag!

However, they weren’t as daft as their victims it seems as the gang have

amassed more than 18,000€ from foreign motorists in and around the capital which has seen the real police able to charge them with almost 80 crimes.

Apparently the fake ‘boys in blue’ (and flags) were reported as having carried out between three and six attacks every day over several weeks by pretending to be the police even though they were using very poor costumes for their con.

PRISONER ESCAPES BY FAX!

Wife sent fax telling prison chiefs to release him and they do!

By Spike

Fifty-seven-year-old Jose Carlos Serna was once again returned to custody after being arrested at his home in San Lorenzo del Escorial, a suburb north of Madrid, on Friday, having walked free from prison after his wife sent a fax telling prison bosses to release him.

Last December, Serna was safely locked up in a cell at Arganda del Rey courthouse awaiting trial when officers got a fax which supposedly came from a regional court authorising the release of Serna and then a phone call soon after which ‘confirmed’ the paperwork was correct and that the release order should be carried out. The call was said to have been from a ‘court official’ but it now appears his wife was busy making the calls.

Serna returns to prison again When the Spanish cops tried to phone and verify the order their calls went unanswered but, remarkably, when a second call was received confirming Serna's release (by his wife), he was freed to a waiting taxi. He went home and once officials had realised their mistake, the police paid a visit and found Serna hiding in a hollowed out sofa.

Amazing as this story is, what really made us laugh was the end of the police statement it informed us that this was the second time Serna had worked his escape by fax in six months.

15

Friday, 8th April, 2011

BLEAK ‘BLEEDING’ HOUSE Tony Brennan is far from content with the UK’s Conservative led government nor the Labour party come to that, or the Lib Dems…

What a cold bleak place Blighty has become, more so than usual. This week has seen Maggie’s lovechild playing with his calculator and he has presented us with even more bleakness.

I wanted to go out and have a drink to drown my sorrows but the 3 local pubs close to my home have shut down due to the smoking ban. Should I have found a pub that was open the 10p that Dave had just put on a pint would have made it too expensive to drink, besides which, I cannot stand having a cigarette on a pavement outside.

When the pubs were open we had a big society. Where have I heard this comment before? I read a tale this week in my local paper that a woman was mugged close to where I live, the mugger left her with her mobile phone but stole her ciggies. Crazy isn’t it?

But not to be too gloomy the sons of darkness knocked a whole 1p off a litre of fuel. I shall now go and fill my car up and will save approximately £0.30.

The 30p saved means I can give my wife a (short) drive around the local area and point out with fond nostalgia where the local library, swimming baths and leisure centre use to be.

What was not announced in the budget statement in Parliament but appears in the budget report is that the winter heating allowance for the pensioners is to be cut.

However, you can now die (probably of hypothermia) and leave a donation to charity and save on your tax bill. I cannot help but reflect that Dave’s old school Eton has charitable status!.

At the moment Nicky (I am going to tell you a whopper) Clegg has gone strangely quiet or maybe he has totally run out of promises to be broken. How I yearn for the days of a labour government telling proper lies but spending like a drunken sailor.

Perhaps I will go for that pint after all and talk a little treason with my equally barmy mates.

LAND OF HOPE AND CONTROVERSY Wellington sticks the boot in over disputed land in Spain

By Spike

Land, which is part of the Duke of Wellington’s Dehesa Baja estate and one of Spain’s largest, should not have been given to the British aristocrat according to villagers in Illora who are not too chuffed about the massive estate which is where Prince Charles and Camilla are coming to stay this weekend. The villagers say that the land was illegally annexed taking with it almost 1,000 hectares of beautiful rolling hills and park land.

And the none-too-happy

officials in the town hall of the small Granada village are not pleased as nobody told them that Prince

Charles and Camilla were coming to stay. They say that recently they have uncovered documents which, they claim, proves that the disputed land was really handed over by the crown to the town hall almost two hundred years ago.

Socialist mayor Francisco Domene believes that a return of the land would bring ‘important prosperity’ to the residents of Illora and it

is he who is leading the villagers in their demands and who says it is now in the hands of lawyers and comes before the courts later this year.

The 5,000 hectare hunting estate was awarded to the Duke after the War of Independence in recognition of the family’s help a g a i n s t Napoleon and has now become millionaires playground where both the Prince of Wales and his sons, William and Harry have hunted. As things stand the estate is now owned by Lord Arthur Charles Valerian Wellesley, son of the present Duke of Wellington.

Charles and Camilla’s official three-day Spanish visit at the end of this month will finish at the estate…unless the bailiffs move in of course….

16

Friday, 8th April, 2011

WHAT THE SPAN

JESUS MONTESINOS EXPLAINS WHY THE CDL PARTY ARE A GOOD ALTERNATIVE

A recent study entitled “Pulso de España 2010” concluded that Spaniards are fed up with both the ruling Socialist government and the main opposition, the PP party. Could this mean that in next local elections, this May, the smaller parties stand a better chance of gaining more votes, and getting their foot in the door of the Town Halls.

One party which is gaining impulse in Spain is the CDL (Centro Democratico Liberal) which, in the European Parliament, is grouped into the same category as the Liberal Democrats. The CDL leader in Spain, Sean O’Curnean Cañas, has Irish blood running through his veins. The party is growing in popularity and the San Javier branch won one seat in the last local elections in 2007. Jesus Montesinos was hence named councillor of Tourism and has been working alongside the Socialist Mayoress Pepa Garcia, and slowly but surely carrying out promises from the CDL election manifesto.

Jesus agreed to sit down to an interview with Sally Bengtsson and give some insight into why the CDL party is a viable alternative in the approaching elections.

Jesus runs the Arbohera Hotel in Santiago de la Ribera and has lived in the town all his life. He was born in the area of San Blas and is a well known face in La Ribera. When asked how he got involved in politics he explains that the locals asked him to represent them in the 2007 local elections due to the terrible way the council was being run up until then. In a few months the party organised a professional campaign and surprised all the other parties by gaining a seat, and being just a few votes short of a second seat.

For the first time ever in San Javier the PP didn’t have an overall majority and the CDL joined forces with the PSOE and the Independientes and managed to force the PP out.

Jesus immediately got down to work and planned the cycle lane around the town, which can now boast 30 km. Quite a feat when you remember that four years ago there was not 1 km of cycle lane, which is used as a safe area for skating and jogging too. More cycle route is planned too, to enable cyclists and pedestrians to arrive at the new hospital safely.

Another of Jesus’s achievements has been the Outlet fair, which has proven very successful both with local businesses and shoppers. The medieval markets were a novelty which went down well too. Tourism also put on its thinking cap and bought some second hand machinery in good condition to enable them to keep the beaches in pristine condition without having to pay a fortune to contracted businesses. The machinery paid for itself after the first 18 months and is now saving the Town Hall 50 euros an hour, which is how much it was costing to clean the beaches.

Other achievements have been the free bicycle rental scheme, a tourism office in La Manga, and the improvement in the beaches, with foot showers which work ecologically with salt water, improved toilets, more access for disabled visitors, the clearing moored boats from swimming areas, which all culminated in the awarding of two Q for quality flags for the municipality, with a third on the way.

When asked about his stance on San Javier Airport, which is under threat of being closed to commercial traffic, Jesus answered that he totally opposes the closure and will fight tooth and nail to keep it open. Local businesses need the travellers which the airport brings to the town, and the workers need to keep their jobs.

Working alongside the Socialist party in San Javier has worked well. The two parties have complemented each

other and Jesus was accepted with open arms when it became totally clear that he wanted the best for the whole area, and was willing to work hard and honestly to obtain this.

However, the PP autonomous government in Murcia has been a thorn in the side of San Javier’s town hall, and Jesus doesn’t wish to comment on the experience of working alongside a party whose achievements have been nil, and who have got the people of Murcia into huge debt with the building of Corvera airport and Paramount Park.

Another thorn have been the Coastal Authorities, which don’t let the local councils get on with their jobs. One clear example of this is the seaweed piles along the Mediterranean side of La Manga. Locals ask the council to clear the rotting seaweed away, but the coastal authorities won’t allow them to be removed until the middle of June, and by then the piles of seaweed are so high it takes days to clean the beaches completely. Jesus has decided he is just going to clear away the seaweed this week, so the beaches will be usable at Easter, but he expects to receive a fine from Costas for this action!

So what have the CDL got to offer which other parties don’t?

Jesus explains that the CDL is one of the few alternatives that citizens of San Javier have, at least when it comes down to hard work, honesty and transparency, and that if anyone is told differently he welcomes them to come and speak to him personally to hear the truth.

The CDL realises how important it is to keep local beaches and streets clean, and wants to instil in locals and visitors that it is just as important not to drop litter as it is to have the town cleaned.

One of the main criticisms of the town is the amount of graffiti sprawled over prominent walls. So Jesus was asked what they would do to try and put a stop to this. “I’d grab the graffiti artist by the scruff of his or her neck and get them to paint all the white lines in the roads throughout the municipality,” he says with a smile.

Other important challenges for Jesus are to increase the sports facilities in the area to give youngsters space to do something healthy and stop them loitering on park benches, and to build an old people’s home and day centre which offers something different to the existing homes and treat elderly people in the best way possible.

Anyone interested in finding out more about the CDL can pop into the Arbohera Hotel on Monday evenings at 9pm or phone 616596647 with questions or suggestions.

17

Friday, 8th April, 2011

NISH PAPERS SAY ZAPATERO STEPS ASIDE TO LEAVE ROOM FOR NEW SOCIALIST LEADER

By Sally Bengtsson After much expectation, Spain’s prime minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero announced last Friday that he will not run as the Socialist candidate in the general elections in 2012. Zapatero has been Spain’s prime minister since 2004, and his first term was a successful one. However, the crisis which hit the world while he was in his second term, seemed to hit Spain with a huge blow, and as someone had to take the blame for the woes of Spain’s struggling economy. Zapatero seems to have been the brunt of everyone’s frustration at the impotency to resolve the worsening situation.

The announcement will leave space for a replacement, who will have to pull a rabbit out his or her hat to be able to win the elections next year.

Spanish Socialists will choose their future leader after next month’s local and regional elections. The favourites to take over from Mr Zapatero, who will remain as prime minister until a general election due in early 2012, are his charismatic deputy Alfredo Pérez Rubalcaba, the present interior minister, and Carme Chacón, defence minister, who took on the post while heavily pregnant and has impressed with her professional approach and quick deci-

sions.

Although there is no limit on the number of terms a prime minister can serve under Spain’s post-Franco democratic constitution, Mr Zapatero is following a two-term precedent set by José María Aznar, his PP predecessor.

“When I was elected prime minister in 2004 I thought that two terms was the reasonable period for me to aspire to be in charge of the country’s destiny,” Mr Zapatero told his party’s federal committee at the weekend. “Two legislatures. Eight years. Not more . . . I will not be the candidate at the next general election.”

Mr Zapatero is detested by the Spanish right for his liberal social policies and ad hoc handling of the economic crisis. But he has also lost the support of trade unionists and other leftwingers for introducing austerity measures, including civil service pay cuts, to appease international financial markets. He made job-creation the centrepiece of his campaign in 2008 but the number of unemployed has since risen to more than 4million, a fifth of the workforce, and one of the worst figures in the European Union.

Economists and business leaders from all sides have complained that Mr Zapatero has been consistently overoptimistic and unrealistic about Spain’s economic prospects, a tendency again on display in an interview with

El País and other European newspapers shortly before the prime minister announced that he would step down.

“We’re already in positive growth, we have stabilised the debt market risks, we’re out of danger and we’re close to the final issue, which is to create jobs. We’re close, very close,” he said, adding that the idea of Spain suffering a similar sovereign debt crisis to those of Greece, Ireland or Portugal was now “99.9 or 100 per cent ruled out”.

Voters are expected to punish the Socialists in regional and local elections on May 22nd and give gains to the PP and various regional parties, although Mr Zapatero’s announcement may weaken the PP’s campaign tactics of focusing on the unpopular personality of the prime minister.

Opinion polls show the PP would win a clear victory if a general election were to be held now, and the party has called repeatedly for Mr Zapatero to step down. However, Mariano Rajoy, the PP leader anointed by Mr Aznar, is as unpopular among voters as Mr Zapatero and is regarded even by members of his own party as being uncharismatic and hesitant.

Zapatero announced that he was doing the PP party a favour by stepping aside, saying, “Now they can concentrate on making some policies instead of spending all their energy on criticising me.”

WINDY MARCH SAVES SPANISH GOVERNMENT MILLIONS

PRINCE CHARLES AND CAMILLA DISAPPOINT LOCAL RESIDENTS

For the first time ever, this March, wind power was the major source of Spain’s electricity, according to figures released by Red Eléctrica de España (REE), the company that runs Spain’s transmission grid.

REE said that the wind farms’ contribution to the power used by Spain last month saved the government 250 million euros in fossil fuel imports and reduced carbon dioxide emissions by 1.7 million metric tons. Wind power met 21 percent of Spain’s electricity demand in the month, generating 4,738 gigawatt hours.

Renewable energy sources as a whole accounted for 42.2 percent of demand, down from 48.5 percent in March of last year when hydroelectric output was much higher. Spain’s government has made saving on fuel imports.

But they get their own back!

By Jake Monroe

THE CHURCH IS NO LONGER A SAFE HAVEN

By Jake Monroe The Catholic charity Cáritas Española, which attends to some 400,000 immigrants a year, has complained that police show up at its Soup Kitchens and Aid Centres to check to see if immigrants have legal papers. Police visits are especially frequent in the centres in SegorbeCastellón (near Valencia), Las Palmas (Canary Islands), and MondoñedoFerrol (Galicia).

Cáritas argues that the practice is not justified by any “situation of real danger or punishment of criminal infractions,” and reflects an immigration policy that treats the illegal immigrant “as a presumed criminal,” even at the risk “of generating racist feelings.”

Last week the Interior Ministry denied indiscriminate checks are being made, and that the police have never appeared in Cáritas centres to demand papers from immigrants. They said that police identifications of foreigners dropped by 20 percent

last year, and in 2010 there were 13 percent fewer deportations.

Meanwhile, the organisation asserts the police’s attitude has caused some immigrants to fear attendance at the centres, according to Ana Abril, director of the social development section. The organization has noticed “an increase” in checks not only at its centres, but also in telephone call centers, parks and bus stations.

The Cáritas report also examines how the economic crisis has hit immigrants particularly hard, and aggravated prejudices against them. It mentions attempts such as that by the town council of Vic, in Catalonia, to restrict municipal registration of irregular immigrants, adding the organization faces growing difficulties in helping them to do this.

Cáritas says the crisis has fomented “overcrowding” in “just-off-theboat” flats, either rented or owned, where many immigrants live. The rate of mortgage default, however, is slightly higher among Spanish nationals than foreigners: 0.21 percent against 0.20.

When Prince Charles arrived in Spain last week on an official visit he dined with his Spanish counterpart, Crown Prince Felipe. On the table, in addition to a royal menu, was the thorny issue of Gibraltar.

On Thursday, the heir to the British throne met the Spanish prime minister.

The two statesmen discussed inter-religious affairs, climate change and AngloSpanish economic affairs, among other issues, including the future of “The Rock.” Spanish government sources said that while Gibraltar had been discussed, no new diplomatic path had been opened on the sovereignty issue. Charles was also given the keys to the city of Madrid. “I hope they don’t change the lock,” he joked.

He and Camilla then went on to stay on a controversial estate owned by the Duke of Wellington in Illora, Granada. The finca is about 30 kms from the city of Granada and is used mostly by Lord Douro, heir to the 8th Duke of Wellington, who is over ninety years old. The estate was built in the very early 19th century by Manuel Godoy, the so-called Prince of Peace, who eventually fell from the favour of King Fernando VII. The estate, called Soto de Roma, was then given in perpetuity by the Courts of Cadiz in 1813, to the first Duke

of Wellington in gratitude for his help in the War of Independence from France (the Peninsular War in British history books). It is a very large estate that Prince Charles knows well, having stayed there in the late 1980s with Princess Diana, and later with Camilla when they were lovers. Lord Douro is a close friend. The large estate occupies the entire Dehesa Baja in Íllora.

Local residents rightly didn't expect to see much of the royal couple because their Town Hall doesn't get on well with the estate manager, who refuses all interviews. Nevertheless, the royal couple were officially invited to the Tapas Festival scheduled for the weekend. When it was obvious they wouldn’t be attending the villagers decided to pretend they did have a royal visit, and two very familiar looking characters paraded through the town, which had been decorated specially for the royal visit.

The socialist Mayor of Íllora, Francisco Domene, plans to initiate procedures to have the estate returned to the municipal patrimony because he and several historians argue that the Dehesa Baja (dehesa is translated as 'meadow', which is inaccurate as to size) was never part of the Soto de Roma estate. One historian, Miguel Ángel Espejo, also a lawyer, blames the first estate manager, J. O'Lawlor, for occupying the dehesa illegally.

18

Friday, 8th April, 2011

CASTELAR OPEN DAY GIVES WARM WELCOME TO ALL

The open day at Castelar College last Saturday was a great success. There was a lot of interest, especially from English speaking families, who were all surprised at the very warm welcome they were given, and the wonderful installations the school has to offer. Over twenty teachers and the head of studies were on hand to answer any doubts and questions, and give the interested parties a personalised tour of the attractive classrooms and picture filled corridors.

The whole experience was extremely positive and will be repeated on May 28th, so if you missed it this time, pencil the date in your diaries for the end of May. Castelar College is an international private school which offers a bilingual education from preschool right up to year 3 of secondary education. They offer free extra support classes for any pupils who need to bring up their level of Spanish, English or maths.

There is a Spring School for children aged 1 to 9 during the Easter holidays. Prices start at just 42 euros for 3 days, or 96 euros for two weeks.

Castelar Academy, which is situated on the top floor of the same building, offers all levels of Spanish, English, German, French and Italian languages, all with official exams at the end of the course. Classes are available throughout the week or on Saturdays for those of you who work. The academy has a residential area, with en suite bathrooms and air conditioning, with places for up to 96 students. Students come from all over the globe to use their appealing installations, and make the most of the idyllic location, right on the Mar Menor, where they can enjoy a multitude of water sports or golf courses, and learn a language at the same time.

For the summer holidays there are Spanish camps for children, which include language classes and sports activities.

Another popular favourite are the culinary classes, which

are held every other Saturday. A local chef teaches pupils how to make tapas or perfect paella. The “Charla Conmigo” conversation sessions are held on Friday mornings at 10am and are open to all, free of charge. Why not go along and see for yourself why everyone is talking about Castelar College.

FAITH UNDERGOES EMERGENCY AMPUTATION

A Roller Coaster ride for the Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre…

The latest update on the miniature horse, Faith was captured on camera by SOL Productions TV during the latest filming session, unbeknown to all the Faith story has taken another unpredicted turn. The pioneering bone healing surgical treatment performed on Faith, just over 3 weeks ago at the clinic in Barcelona really worked, proving the importance of medical science.

However, sadly Faith has had to have the originally planned surgical operation and amputation of her lower leg after suffering a fracture to the already severely weekened canon bone.

Sue Weeding, co-founder of EHCRC said “Her latest xrays carried out under anaesthetic earlier this week showed that the bone and flesh were healing extremely well, but as she was being helped to her feet whilst recovering from the anaesthetic she simply must have put a little too much weight onto her leg causing it to fracture, even though it was in a cast.

Everyone at the centre was devastated for Faith and very upset when Gasper, the head surgeon rang to tell us what had happened. He was extremely upset himself at what had happened as just five minutes earlier his team had been elated at the x-ray results.

He told us that they would have to re-plate the area with a larger titanium plate the next day, but sadly when they

opened up the injury site they discovered that there wasn’t enough bone to fix it to. He called during the operation to tell the EHCRC there was no other option but to amputate.

Even though Faith had originally gone to Barcelona to have her leg amputated it still came as a shock. “ Gasper had discussed the technique he was going to use with Rustin Moore, a specialist equine prosthetic surgeon who Gasper had worked with previously in the USA. This has be the first amputation carried out on a horse in Spain.

The amputation operation involved cutting the bone just below the knee and rounding it off to lay the tendons from the back of her leg over it. Then her skin was wrapped around the whole stump, being careful not to get any hairs on the inside as they will still keep growing and would cause problems. Special gauze that has been impregnated with antibiotics and a foam pad were then wrapped around the stump and it was placed inside a temporary prosthetic limb and fixed inside a full length cast. At a later stage a piece of the frog (the sole of her foot) from Faith's hind leg will be grafted onto the

stump to grow and cover the whole area.

The cast will remain in place for three weeks for the stump to begin to heal and the swelling to go down, and then a mold of her stump can be made for her own, made to measure prosthetic limb.

Faith was in surgery for five hours. The SOL TV crew captured the latest good news as the phone call was received at the Rescue Centre from a very relieved Gasper, who called to say that they were all very pleased with how it all went and so far everything is looking good. He described her as an amazing and gutsy little horse, and said that she stood up on her temporary prosthetic limb as she came out of the anaesthetic and walked back to her stall with no problems. At this point a very emotional Sue commented “We can only wait and hope that everything goes well, Faith deserves a chance at a happy life after all she's been through.” The Rescue centre would like to thank everyone involved, and those who have made donations, to the Faith Appeal, as soon as more news comes into the Centre, we will keep everyone up to date, you can also watch this incredible story unfold on SOL Productions TV and on line at www.solproductions.tv. Latest updates are also available on www.easyhorsecare.net

Friday, 8th April, 2011

KIDDIES CORNER Kids News

THE NUCLEAR CRISIS IN JAPAN EXPLAINED Engineers in Japan are currently battling to prevent a major nuclear incident at the Fukushima Daiichi power plant. What exactly is the problem, what caused it and what are the risks?

How did the crisis start?

Many nuclear power stations work by using the heat from nuclear reactions to boil water. Then the steam is used to power turbines and create electricity.

The recent 9.0 magnitude earthquake in Japan cut the power lines to the Fukushima Daiichi plant, which stopped the flow of coolant water from electric pumps.

The plant’s first backup power supply comes from diesel generators, which kicked in as the electricity supply was cut. However, the tsunami caused by the earthquake came over the power station wall and flooded the generators. A second backup power supply was provided by batteries, but these only lasted for seven to eight hours.

The problem then was that some of the plant’s six reactors started over-

heating. The extreme temperatures caused some water to be split into hydrogen and oxygen, but some of the hydrogen exploded and started fires.

What’s a meltdown?

As the nuclear fuel rods overheat, there is a danger that this could

more fires and a widespread release of radioactive material into the air.

So far, the amount of radiation released has been very small. Only the emergency workers at the plant are in any danger, although they are working in shifts to try to limit their exposure to radiation. One expert said that the workers would have a 1% higher risk of getting cancer in later life.

The government has evacuated everyone within a 20km radius of the plant, and advised everyone living between 20-30km away to stay indoors. Some people are confused because other governments, such as those in the UK and US, have advised their citizens to stay over 80km away.

Should we be worried about radiation?

The UK’s Health Protection Agency says that there is absolutely no risk to people in Europe. The Government Chief Scientific Adviser, Sir John Beddington, has said that even in the worst possible scenario of a nuclear meltdown and unfavourable wind and weather conditions, even people in Tokyo could keep safe by simply staying indoors and keeping their windows closed.

AFRICAN RHINOS IN DANGER Africa's rhinos are facing their worst poaching crisis in decades, according to an international group of experts.

Organised gangs have killed more than 800 in the past three years, so they can sell their horns. Poachers use helicopters, night-vision goggles and highpowered rifles to hunt and kill rhinos, and wildlife officials are struggling to stop them. Horns can sell for thousands of pounds to people in China and Asia who think they can be used as medicine.

Conservation has helped Africa's two species of rhino to slightly increase in number over the past five years. But The International Union for Conservation of Nature say they are really worried because poaching is on the rise. At the last count there were 4,840 black rhinos and 20,150 white rhinos in Africa.

ANIMAL FACTS Rats breed so quickly that in just 18 months, 2 rats could have created over 1 million relatives.

The blue whale can produce the loudest sound of any animal. At 188 decibels, the noise can be detected over 800 kilometres away.

Horses and cows sleep while standing up.

cause a nuclear meltdown. This is when the fuel rods become too hot and melt through the reactor’s steel and concrete containment shields, possibly leading to a release of radioactive material into the atmosphere and water supply.

There are also used fuel rods stored in containment pools near the reactors. The heat from the reactors has started to boil off the water from these pools, which could expose the stillwarm fuel rods. This could lead to

19

Giant Arctic jellyfish have tentacles that can reach over 36 metres in length.

Locusts have leg muscles that are about 1,000 times more powerful than an equal weight of human muscle.

Hummingbirds are so agile and have such good control that they can fly backwards.

20

Friday, 8th April, 2011

Friday, 8th April, 2011

CAM BANK IN MERGER TALKS Alicante-based CAM bank is presenting the Bank of Spain with a brand new business plan and is requesting funds from Spain’s state-financed Fund for Orderly Bank Restructuring (FROB).

CAM long thought to be one of the banks that was struggling is now having to get in to discussions to try and see if there is the possibility of becoming nationalised, after a planned merger fell through.

However, experts say that although nationalisation of the bank would be the first

CAM headquarters in Alicante

21

AIRBUS NATIONS TO SIGN FOR TRANSPORT

since the Spanish government set new minimum capital requirements it is something that is essential for the bank. Specialists declared that the amount of money needed by the bank would give FROB control of more than 50 per cent of the bank.

Currently CAM is Spain’s 10th largest lender and had been at the stage of advanced merger talks with three smaller banks, Cajastur, Caja Cantabria and Caja Extremadura, which would have formed a single Banco Base. The case reaffirms customer’s worries about CAM’s solvency.

The seven NATO partner nations Belgium, Britain, France, Germany, Luxembourg, Spain and Turkey of the Airbus A400M, signed the final contract for the financing of the project last Thursday, the seven nations involved in the project which was first agreed in 2003 and is meant to showpiece Europe's independence from US defence suppliers.

The final agreement on the financing of the long-delayed A400M, which carries troops, armoured vehicles and helicopters and land on short, unprepared runways, is due to be signed at Airbus Military's facility in Seville where the plane is built. The deal will be slightly different to the original 20-billion-euro contract signed in 2003. The company gave no financial details.

Development of the A400M aircraft has been pushed along so it can replace ageing mili-

tary cargo carriers in several European air forces but they fell behind schedule due mainly to problems with the construction of its huge turbo-prop engines. The parent company EADS had threatened to pull the plug on Europe's biggest defence project unless the nations stumped up more cash to cover cost overruns of about 5.2 billion euros.

The first test flight was takent in Spain in December 2009, nearly two years behind schedule but last month, Airbus Military completed tests in France to find out the lowest speed which the A400M can take-off.

In November 2009, South Africa dropped its order for A400M planes because of the cost overruns and development delays but now Airbus Military has received orders for 170 A400M planes with Germany ordering 53 planes, France 50 and Britain 22 and the first deliveries are now expected in 2013.

22

Friday, 8th April, 2011

BE A NICE, HANDY GIRL Looking after your hands

This month Sheena Green, retired dermatologist and now tanned pensioner in Alicante gives us some tips on looking after our hands.

Looking after your hands may sound simple, however most people do not bother spending that extra little bit of time required for taking care of them. Usually people associate cracked, dry hands with wintertime; however, the problems can appear at any time of year, even if they are more vulnerable in winter.

Preventing your hands from becoming dry or sore, is by far the best way to protect them. Many hand conditions are hard to treat once you have them. Conditions such as Psoriasis, Eczema, and contact dermatitis, are really uncomfortable and they can take a long time to get rid of. You really will know about it if you end up with a condition similar to those ones!

Dry hands are often the main cause of hand problems. The best way to defeat it is to moisturise daily, sometimes even twice a day. The causes of dryness usually include washing up liquid, detergents and chemicals which are found in most household cleaners and even over washing them can cause them to become dry. Many occupations cause a person’s hands to dry up, such as jobs which involve tearing up cardboard on a daily basis, even handling flowers can make your hands dry up. So, if you know you have a job which puts your hands under constant pressure, make sure you take care of them by moisturizing them as often as possible.

If you constantly do the dishes at home, why not ask somebody else in the household to take over? Maybe your children or your husband/boyfriend can do them a couple of times a week? This will cut down the risk of water exposure, and will therefore keep your hands softer. If you do not have

a kind and generous family however, you should always wear protective kitchen gloves. Many people recommend putting moisturiser on your hands before putting the gloves on, that way the heat soaks the moisturiser more into the hands.

What Are The Best Moisturization Products to Go For? Depending upon which hand condition you actually have, you will need different moisturisers for each one. Usually, moisturisers contain exfoliating ingredients which really help with dry, scaly conditions such as dermatitis. Others are called humectants which hold more than their weight in

water, within the skin.

If you have an open wound, you do not want to use an active moisturiser, as it will really sting. However, if you are suffering from thick, dry and cracked skin, an active moisturiser is definitely for you! Always remember to apply a moisturiser after washing your hands and doing the dishes.

Other forms of moisturisers include ingredients such as Glycolic Acid and Lactic Acid. They really help to soften the skin and to exfoliate hard, epidermis. Urea is another ingredient used, and that is a humectant which really does help to hydrate the skin. Many people use products with urea in them, in the bath, and that can really help to protect the skin and leave it soft and smooth feeling. You can even combine all three of the ingredients to create an ultimate moisturiser for the body.

Some Common Problems Which Could Occur If you do not protect your hands there are several problems which can occur. Blisters and cracked finger tips can both be really painful. Our fingertips have the most nerves in them in the hand, and so if you do end up with cracked fingertips, it can be incredibly painful.

Blisters also can be a problem and they are a sign of increased inflammation. This often makes them really itchy, and they end up splitting which again, is really painful.

Other conditions you may end up with include Eczema, and Psoriasis as mentioned earlier. Getting rid of these problems can be a nightmare so it really is in your best interests to prevent any of them from occurring in the first place.

It really does not take long to protect our hands and it does not have to be overly expensive. Just a few minutes each day and you could protect your hands from a variety of different problems.

Welcome to Kiki Beach Beauty Salon and Fish Spa A new addition to the fabulous Playa Flamenca Beach Front is Kiki Beach Beauty Salon; with summer fast approaching this is an ideal location, with all the treatments available, it’s the perfect place for that all important pampering. Proprietor Christine along with her fully qualified team which includes Nail Technician Lauren and Beautician Sue held a grand opening of the Salon on Saturday 2ndApril which was a great success, with the main attraction being the Garra Rufa Fish.

Christine talks clients through the procedure and advises of the health benefits of the Fish spa.

Garra Rufa Fish a member of the carp family and known as the Fish doctor have provided a safe, hygienic, totally organic procedure in Turkey and Asia for hundreds of years. It is completely safe and hygienic using the latest technology in filtration and sterilization.

It’s a fantastic treatment - I thoroughly recommend it to anyone especially those who are on their feet all day which left me feeling like I was walking on air. My feet felt silky, soft and rejuvenated, the sensation you feel as you immerse your feet into the water is pleasant with a light tingling feeling as the fish get to work, and gently they remove dead and hard skin.

This unique pedicure experience as many benefits, such as stimulating acupuncture points, treats psoriasis and eczema, increases blood circulation and also relaxes the mind and body.

This friendly, relaxed salon is ideal to look good and feel great, after using the fish spa

why not treat your feet, why not relax and enjoy a luxury pedicure in warm oil or paraffin wax with a mask to hydrate the skin and increase circulation or have magic toes, looks great day or night in sandals choose from acrylic or Gel either natural or permanent French ideal for those Summer days.

Beautiful hands whether it be a shape and polish or a luxury manicure nail technician Lauren can add the finishing touches from Gel Nails to natural overlays with Shellac/Nail art along with Minx Nails giving that all elegant look.

Prepare your body for those long summer days call in and meet beauty consultant Sue for eye lash tint or curl , facials to suit all skin types. Be beach beautiful, get ready for that bikini, with a full range of waxing available or de-stress and try a Swedish massage from tired feet to the full body.

Appointments can made at the salon for semi – permanent make up by June Hutchinson along with Botox, Restylane Dermal Fillers, Reflexology and Reiki. For vibration and sports massage Dimitri Masaje is available by appointment.

Gift vouchers are also available. For the little ladies and excellent birthday party there is mini facials, manicures or file polish and gems.

Book now and make an appointment in your diary at Kiki Beach Beauty Salon. For further details or a consultation contact the girls on 965 073 133 or find them on Playa Flamenca Beach, next to The Correos or check our website www.kiki-beach.com

23

Friday, 8th April, 2011

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

ADVICE: Linda had forgotten her Telefonica email password

Q

Hi Richard - Having a problem with connecting to my telefonica email address on my Mac. It is asking me for the password which I have forgotten - how do I log on to the web and get into the Telefonica website to read my mail? It should have a facility where you have forgotten the password and can solve the problem

A

Hi Linda, you can get into your Telefonica email online (or go through the lost password process at the following address http://tinyurl.com/telefonica-email

ADVICE: Ingyerd was having some strange error messages in Skype

Hi, this is not important just annoying. Every time I open my computer it pops up a message from Skype: unexpected end tag : expected "font", actual "b". I have to click accept, or the red x to get rid of it, evidently does not matter which.

Q

Hi Ingyerd, Skype have confirmed that this is a problem with their software and that by running the Skype update you should be able to resolve it (help, check for updates), however if that doesn’t work they have also confirmed that there is a work around, if you do the following it should stop the error occurring…

A

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

click tools click options click notifications click alerts and messages untick "help and Skype tips" and "Promotions"

ADVICE: Pat wanted advice on her web browser Hi Richard - can you advise me on something please? I've been away for a few days and when I got back google and all sites I access have become tiny and I can hardly read them! Outlook is fine and normal print but everything else has become small and elongated - any advice please?

Q A

Hi Pat, you don’t mention which web browser you are using so I will assume its Internet Explorer. It has a zoom function, View, Zoom, you should have it set to 100%, can you have a look and see what it’s set to?

Read Richard’s fantastic computer page only in Jungle Drums Magazine.

OUT NOW

Richard moved to spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!”

ADVICE: Rick wanted help on putting his computer back to factory settings

Q

Hi’ Richard, I have a Dell Dimension 3000 series “Desk Top”, I have been trying to restore to original Factory settings, I have followed the instructions in the manual to the letter i.e.; Start Up, wait for Blue Bar to appear with “www.dell.com”, then press Control & F11 together, This is called (Restore by Symantec). I cannot get the Blue Bar to appear. I have tried several times without any success. I have sent three emails and posted two letters to Dell in the UK, but have had no response to any. Have you any suggestions to help me; my wife uses this to go into “Café World” and “Facebook” which slows down the computer to a ridiculous pace. My system is Windows XP, my computer is approx. 4/5yrs old.

Hi Rick, there are lots of things that should be taken into account before you go ahead and restore a computer to its factory settings, doing this without backup will almost certainly destroy any personal data that you have on the computer and should really only be done by a qualified (Microsoft Certified Professional or Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer) engineer. The instructions that you have been given are correct and if they are not working for you then I would recommend getting a qualified engineer to look at it for you, it could be that the recovery partition has become corrupt, or perhaps it has been removed through a previous badly performed operating system restore, in which case you could use the recover CD’s, if you still have them to sort the problem out.

A

ADVICE: Francis was having a frustrating time with Facebook

Q

Hi Richard, when I log into to Facebook, instead of seeing my Home Page with the latest pictures and messages from family and friends, all I get is a screen with just basic text listing the options running down the side of the page. I assumed it was browser setting, but it does this in both Internet Explorer and Google Chrome. Other web pages accessed work fine and there doesn't seem to be a "Settings" button in Facebook.

I suspect it could be a network connection issue with Facebook detecting a slow or dial-up connection but don't know.

Hi Francis, ok, let’s try clearing the Internet explorer settings, cookies and cache and see if it fixes Internet explorer first, could you go into Internet Explorer and click Tools, Internet Options, Advanced, now click on the button Reset, place a tick in the “delete personal data” check box and click reset. You should be aware that this will mean that you will need to re-enter any website passwords that you had previously saved, but this is probably the easiest way to reset Internet explorer and get everything back to “normal”. Once complete you should restart Internet Explorer, it will ask you a few initial questions and then after that you should see the msn.com home page – you’re done, navigate to Facebook and try it – let me know how you get on please.

A

Update: Thanks Richard. That flushed out whatever it was from IE. I'll do the same with Google Chrome, Cheers, Francis

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

24

Friday, 8th April, 2011

WHAT A CURRY LIBERTY! KNOW YOUR NAANS

Naan is an essential accompaniment to hot meals. It is considered as a staple food in South and Central Asia, including India, Pakistan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Afghanistan and the surrounding region. In Turkic language, the bread is called Nan. During Mughal times, Naan was a popular breakfast food and was eaten with kebab or keema.

Naan bread is generally baked on a flat or slightly concave iron griddle, known as tava or in a clay oven.

It comes in a large variety of flavours. Naan can be filled with potatoes or other stuffs.

Keema Naan is stuffed with a minced meat (mutton or lamb) mixture.

Kashmiri and Peshwari Naan are stuffed with a mixture of raisins and nuts.

Just like pita bread, Naan is leavened using yeast. In some modern recipes, baking powder is used instead of yeast. Yogurt or milk is also used to provide a thickness and greater volume to Naan. Once the dough is kneaded, it is kept aside for a few hours. Cumin and nigella seeds are used as seasoning in the dough. A typical Naan recipe includes a mixture of white flour, a

yeast culture, salt and yogurt to make elastic, smooth dough. Naan is brushed with butter or ghee and served hot. Following are some easy to make Naan bread recipes that you can try at your own to provide an excellent accompaniment for your meals.

Recipe Ingredients 4 ½ white four 1 package active dry yeast 1 egg, beaten 1 cup warm water 3 tbsp milk ¼ cup butter, melted ¼ cup white sugar 2 tsp minced garlic (optional) 2 tsp salt

Preparation First, in a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water.

Allow it to stand for about 10 minutes, until it becomes bubbly.

Then add sugar, flour, egg, milk and salt to prepare soft dough. Knead it on a lightly floured surface for about 6-8 minutes, until it becomes smooth.

Then place the dough in a well-greased bowl and cover it with a damp cloth. Keep the dough aside for about 1 hour. Let double the volume of dough.

Then mix the minced garlic in the dough and knead it well. Make small balls from the dough and place them in a tray. Cover with a towel for about 30 minutes in order to make it double in size.

During this second rising, preheat the grill to high temperature. On the lightly oiled grill, shape each dough ball into a thin circle. Cook it for about 2-3 minutes, until it becomes light brown and puffy.

Brush the uncooked side with butter and turn over the bread. Then brush cooked side with butter and bake it for about 2-4 minutes. Then remove the bread from grill. Now your hot Naan bread is ready to serve.

THE WINE CELLAR

In a world of chardonnay drinkers, the lovely pinot grigio is often overlooked. It is a very dry white wine, with none of the oak overtones of chardonnay or even cabernet sauvignon. It is one of the few wines that goes well, on a hot day, with almost anything. It is very light and when chilled, very refreshing.

25

Friday, 8th April, 2011

WELL SERVED, WELL FED….WELL DONE! 9€ for a 2 course or just 10.50€ for a complete, and plentiful 3 course meal. However, be warned, it gets busy and booking is advisable to avoid disappointment.

At present the Rosa’s kitchen opening hours are 10am to 3.30pm with extended kitchen hours starting from May onwards and on Entertainment nights the Kitchen remains open right through until 8pm.

The entertainment night is at present every second Friday but the owners tell me that the aim is to bring new entertainment to los Montesinos, and more often.

This month they have: Friday 8th April. .Pat Martin, singer and Entertainer...Join them for a memorable

Spike gets out and about and pays Rosa’s Bar in Los Montesinos a visit Rosa’s Bar and Restaurant is handily situated just off the main square in Los Montesinos with a superb south facing outside terrace the perfect spot to sit and relax while having a coffee or drink watching the world go by.

The friendly staff, and New Chef Mike who is Marco Pierre White trained, gave me and my friends a very friendly welcome and we’d come along to test out their new menu which was launched on the 8th March, and has

been such a success with customers old and new…that word had reached my taste buds.

What they offer at Rosa’s is quality restaurant food at very competitive prices, from a Greek salad to Mexican enchiladas, and everything is freshly cooked to order and their very popular Sunday Carvery, served between 1-4pm each Sunday and which allows you a tasty choice of 3 Joints, usually Beef, Pork or Turkey, plus a range of Veg with Mash, Roasties, Crackling, Yorkshire pudding, stuffing and, of course, homemade gravy. Go along and try it, because you get all that lot for an incredible, and wallet-satisfying, price of only 7€ for the main course,

night, with music from the 60`s to the 80`s., 22nd April Good Friday Kye Jaymes rock n roll show, night not to be missed.

6th May Fabulous Duo “Double Trouble.”

Tuesday night is quiz night with Darren James from T.K.O Gold, raffle and prizes every week... starting at 8.30pm?

The function room is available for private parties, meetings, golf societies etc., with seating up to 50 people.

Give Rosa’s a visit; you won’t be disappointed – unless you don’t book on a Sunday of course!

Just in case, contact them on: 966 721 236

KIDS COOKING CORNER! English Crumpet Pizza

Ingredients: •1 split English Crumpet Pizza sauce Pizza cheese (shredded) •your favourite toppings such as: mushrooms, pepperoni, green pepper, pineapple, bacon...etc.

Directions: 1. Toast your English crumpets.

2. Spread pizza sauce evenly on crumpet halves.

3. Sprinkle cheese on top and add your toppings!

4. Put on tray and put into toaster oven set on broil. Cook for about 5 to 10 minutes

Coconut Covered Bananas Ingredients: 1 orange 2 bananas 1 cup of shredded coconut Directions: 1. Cut bananas into several chunks 2. Cut an orange, squeeze some of the juice onto a saucer and roll the banana in its juice. (Then eat the orange) 3. Then roll the banana into coconut, cover well.

26

Friday, 8th April, 2011

AWNINGS

per year one day p.w. to service.25 Pringle vending machines with sites 14,900 euros 250 euros per week NETT guaranteed, machines and sites available individually. 965 326 442 / 659 696 455 (09)

More info Phone 622 258 072. Price 24,000€ (09)

REMOVALS

SOLAR

FURNITURE

CAR MECHANICS

PROPERTY FOR RENT

CHURCH SERVICES BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES 10 cold drinks /snack vending machines with sites 39,900 euros.

Excellent cash income, no overhead, operate from home 31,000 euros NETT

BAR 4 SALE Local Spanish & English Bar Well Known 100,000€ Call 679 096 309

International Christian Assembly. Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational. Sunday services 11:00am.

Children’s Church 11:00am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier.

Ladies meeting Thursdays 11:00am. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome 966 799 273 // 660 127 276.

FOR SALE 2 bed mobile home.

Albatera. Small site. Large plot. Summer house, shed, gazebo. Pets allowed.

Nice rentals available Torrevieja and Most Areas two beds from 320 houses apartments, bungalows, long and short stays. Paul 966 785 891 659 647 616 (08)

ADVERTISE HERE FOR AS LITTLE AS

5€

CALL OUR SALES TEAM ON 96 672 6437

SITUATIONS VACANT

SPORTS EQUIPMENT

Be your own boss with Avon. Work hours to suit you. Phone Donna 966 796 854 (08)

SECURITY

WIG SPECIALISTS

WANTED Wanted second hand motorbike up to 125cc in good condition call: 682 773 121 (09)

SALON MARGARETHAS 23 years in Torrevieja, Hair/Wig Specialist for Medical Illness & Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural & Artificial Hair and much more also fashion/festival accessories. TV/TS are welcome to our service. Call Margaretha on 966 921 846 or call into Salon Margarethas in Torrevieja (14)

27

Friday, 8th April, 2011

GRUMPY OLD GRAN THE DONNA GEE COLUMN

During her long career in national newspapers in Britain, DONNA GEE worked as a staff writer, sub-editor and columnist for, among others, the Daily Express, Daily Mirror and Daily Star. She covered news, features and sport, and has eased into semi-retirement in Guardamar, where she now plans to solve all the world’s problems via The Courier. In her first column, she reflects on a piece of news which triggered strong personal feelings…

THE INS AND OUTS OF THE GUTTER PRESS Weren’t you gutted to hear that the seedy Sport Media Group founded by David Sullivan had gone into administration? Neither was I – apart, of course, from feeling sympathy for the unfortunate staff who lost their jobs.

I detest the tackiness of their publications so I’m glad to see the back of them. But I also have some amusing memories of the days I worked for the Daily Sport – and became the only journalist to be unfairly dismissed by them TWICE. My career in journalism has embraced well over 30 years in what is still fondly called Fleet Street – mainly as a subeditor but also as a writer and columnist.

I’ve worked under charismatic editors ranging from the late, great Sir John Junor at the Sunday Express to the booming bullying of Kelvin Mackenzie at The Sun and the bloated arrogance of Piers Morgan at the Daily Mirror.

I also had both the pleasure and pain of twice working for Peter Grimsditch, the launch editor of the Daily Star in 1978 and later inaugural editor of the Daily Sport.

Grimbles, as we called him, was simply brilliant with the Star’s launch team of journalists. By the time the paper first hit the news-stands, he had called every one of us into his office individually for a drink and a ‘meet the boss’ chat.

My chinwag lasted fully half an hour and sealed an instant bond which, long after we had both moved on to other newspapers, led to Grimsditch inviting me to join the Daily Sport team in its early days in 1991.

With virtually every national newspaper production team at this point operating exclusively in London, I actually jumped at the chance to sink into the gutter. And that’s because I was joining the paper’s one decent department – the sports desk, whose staff included some highly talented journalists.

Most of us were experienced national newspaper subs.

We also had in our ranks a talented young writer and sub called Andy Dunn, who these days is chief sports writer of the News of the World.

All went well until the pressure of trying to keep the title afloat started to get to Grimsditch. We all laughed when he suddenly issued a warning over staff using the office computer system to store private files, something we all did and which caused no harm whatsoever.

It all came to a head when he called me into his office one day and accused me of committing a criminal offence by storing minor details from a sports book I was writing in the office system. I lost my rag, stormed out and in a dramatic scene watched by the entire staff, yelled ‘I quit’, before slamming his office door as hard as I could.

I swear the entire building shook and by the time I got home, a dis-

patch rider had already delivered a quickly dictated letter from Grimbles accepting my resignation.

Two months later, sports editor Steve Millar phoned to tell me that Grimsditch had been sacked. ‘’Will you please come back – we need you,’’ he pleaded.

So back to Great Ancoats Street I went with a quiet snigger that the person responsible for my departure had himself been booted into oblivion.

A year or so later, Sullivan – dissatisfied with the economic state of his print empire, ordered a redundancy exercise which involved the sports desk being trimmed by three.

Unfortunately Sport Newspapers’ naïve management team failed to realise that certain procedures must be followed regarding redundancies and when Millar refused to single out three people, they took it upon themselves to do the job for him.

It was a mistake that ended with them being ripped to shreds at an industrial tribunal. I and the two colleagues who got the old heave-ho were awarded almost £30,000 between us, with the chairman intimating the figure would have been higher had he not be tied by a legal maximum.

I look back on it all today with some humour – but perhaps my most amusing memory of my time at the Daily Sport is of the memos the less-than-articulate Sullivan used to circulate about his beloved Birmingham City.

At the time, the Blues were in the old Second Division (now the Championship) and the chairman was keen to put his players in the shop window at every opportunity. ‘’Whenever you mention our star striker Paul Peschisolido, please make sure you say ‘’£2million-rated Paul Peschisolido’’, he instructed the sports department. ‘‘And for all other Birmingham players, please put ‘’£1million-rated’’ before their name.’’

I could say a lot more – and throw in an anecdote or two about Sullivan’s protégé Karren Brady, who also put her oar in once or twice.

But I’ll leave that for another day because I’ve kind of warmed to English football’s first female managing director over recent years.

The Apprentice is also one of my favourite TV programmes. And on top of that, I’m now a Courier girl myself.

You can read more of Donna’s articles on www.grumpyoldgran.com and www.donnagee.blogspot.com

28

Friday, 8th April, 2011

editor@thecourier.es Say it. Send it. Phone it. Mail it. or Forget it!

THAT’S A GOOD SIGNAL Dear Editor, We've had a very poor signal for BBC and a number of other channels, for some time now and have already spent money trying to get it fixed. But today the helpful company we contacted sent us this e-mail so I thought I would forward it as so many people are experiencing the same problem.

Suzanne Stokes ----- Original Message ----We live in Quesada, have Sky with a 1.45m dish. Until recently we had been receiving the BBC channel ok from 8am to about 10pm or later for several years, and then suddenly a few weeks ago we lost it totally.

A guy from Satellite Company came, re-aligned the dish and changed the lnb. He got BBC back, but it tends to crack up, even during the day and never lasts beyond 5 or 6pm. I have tried an inline booster without success.

Do you have any ideas why it has not been possible to restore it to where it had been originally?

David Stokes Hi David, Before you spend any money, you may want to review the article below, which I have just had sent to me.

We have also had some unusual issues currently with 2.4 metre dishes in Murcia, which are behaving in a manner which has caused head scratching from a number of engineers?

Q: Last month you wrote about BBC signals disappearing, which is EXACTLY what has happened to us. We used to get BBC1 & 2 Wales till around 11.30pm - midnight, but now the BBC signals go off MUCH earlier from 9pm on. The strange thing is that when I checked the TV again just before going to bed last night at 11pm, the signals seemed to be fine again!

This does not affect the version of ITV1 which you kindly programmed into my 'Services, Other Channels' on my digibox when you came over last, which now goes on all night. What can be done to get things back to normal?

A: I have had literally HUNDREDS of calls and emails about the strange behaviour of the BBC channels recently.

When I attended a few properties to re-align big dishes, I found I was unable to improve viewing times, in some cases.

After further research and talking with other satellite aficionados, it turns out that it may not be anything to do with me, after all.

A combination of unfavourable atmospheric factors are causing already weak satellite signals to weaken even further! These include a very dense ionosphere at present. The

ionosphere is made up of electrically charged ions, and when the ionosphere is especially dense, it can obstruct satellite signals much in the same way that a heavy rain cloud between your dish and the satellite can.

In addition, on 19th March we experienced the biggest full moon in nearly 60 years. This means that the moon is physically closer to the earth than it has been in most peoples' living memory. The gravity effect of the moon being so close has caused satellite signals to be pulled off-target, meaning that signals we were already struggling to get with a big dish have been weakened even further!

The answer? Sit tight for a bit, and wait it out. There is very little that ANYBODY can do to improve things at the moment, and it's not worth paying a stranger to 'have a go' unless like me, they offer a 'no fix, no fee' guarantee. I have personally been turning jobs AWAY recently because I have found myself chasing my own tail... Within two to three weeks, signals should start to return slowly back to normal. Of course, in mid April we will have another problem beyond our control - the 11-year cycle of sun spots is due then, which also has a strong reputation for causing satellite reception issues...

Graham Paul Glick www.televisiontechnology.eu

WELL…HELLOOO! Hi Tony Mayes, You won't remember me but we met at Worthing Football ground when the Taste of Bengal were holding a Charity event in the club bar last year and I was lucky to win a couple of prizes in the draw I think you asked me how long I had been using the

Taste of Bengal.

I remember you saying you had purchased a place in Spain (Torrevieja I think you said) so it was with great pleasure when I saw your name in the Courier (the one regarding dog mess in the streets) we were (my wife Pam and I) over at our apartment in Playa Flamenca Orihuela Costa last weekend.

I used to enjoy your column in the Advertiser here in Worthing and wondered how long it would be before you "got back in the saddle" again and I'm sure there are very many Brits either living or visiting Spain who thoroughly agree with the opinion's you have.

As you know we have just enjoyed the spectacle of 250,000 people making a "peaceful" demonstration against the government "cuts" and contrary to the suggestion that these people were middle England making their protests I rather think they were labour supporters acting rather stupidly and totally in denial about the state of the economy as bequeathed to us by Gordon Brown, a bit like Turkeys voting for Christmas, I give up, at the very least Gordon Brown and Ed Balls should be hauled before the courts to explain why in effect they presided over a "scorched earth" policy.

Anyway, that's my gripe for today, in the meantime I wish you lots of success with your column and hope you're enjoying your retirement on the sunny Costas, perhaps we may meet up one day for a drink when we're over again, we live just around the corner from Horatio's Bar, Best wishes Jem Why do we all define our living quarters by what the nearest bar is called…?

Hmmmm…

STILL ON THE PULL? THE COURIER PUB & GRUB AWARDS 2011 We want to know because in August we will be holding The Courier pub & Grub awards for the region and we need you the reader to nominate your local…but only if they deserve it of course.

The six categories are: Bar of the year Barman/woman of the year Landlord/lady of the year

Best Value for money bar Best brekky Tastiest grub/Chef of the year We’ll be accepting nominations from now until the first of July and then our judges (who will have assessed each of the nominations) will announce the final five nominees in each category and invite them to attend the very first Courier Pub & Grub Awards.

The winners on the night will get a trophy, a prize and a load of publicity plus the right to brag for at least the next year!

So come on, who’s hot out there? Who’s cooking with gas and making your meal or drink that little bit more enjoyable?

We can accept nominations by email only and you MUST state your reasons for your choice and remem-

ber, the more you tell us the more chance we have of making an informed decision come the day.

We’ve had quite a few nominations in – but we want more!

Come on folks – does your local café bar serve your right?

TELL US @ office@thecourier.es or call on 96672 6437

29

Friday, 8th April, 2011

‘SNAP’ GO THE RUBBER GLOVES… Who are the police in Spain?

The Courier Motoring takes a look and helps explain just who does what.

‘The Spanish Traffic Police are considered efficient in applying their laws and it is highly recommended that if stopped, friendly cooperation with their requests should be applied…’ says the Spanish Highway Code.

And unlike our British Bobbies, the Guardia won’t take a mouthful of abuse and politely nod, still calling you ‘sir until you have finished, and then wave you on your way. The only people who tend to get away with it are the elderly who (still) command such respect in this country. I once watched an old fella, who looked so old I think he may have been clinically dead, calling two Guardia Civil officers every possible Spanish insult…and then he started on their mothers. He still got away with it. But, as stated above the official advice is not to…

It can be a little confusing to most newcomers to Spain, that there are three separate Police Forces that operate, with varying responsibilities.

GUARDIA The Guardia Civil wear the green uniforms and were generally feared during Franco's era due to their far reaching influence and control. These days they are responsible for national security, customs and for

are responsible for most day to day crime investigation and it is to them that you should go to make denunica for any crime that you may be a victim of. If any of your possessions (Like Credit Cards or Passport) have been lost or stolen they can provide you with the necessary documentation to supply to your Bank and / or your Insurance company.

LOCALS

crowd control at large events. Their traffic department vehicles patrol the main highways with green and white coloured cars and motorbikes and organise radar speeding checks.

They are very pro-active in setting up roadside checkpoints to check various documentation, so don't be alarmed if you are stopped at any time of the day or night - But remember that this is all the more reason to have your paperwork in order and kept in your glove compartment.

NATIONALS The National Police wear a black uniform and white shirts. Some officers may wear a blue military uniform and sometimes armed as their duties include guarding public buildings and personnel. They

FUNNY INSURANCE CLAIMS Here are a few motoring claims that have brought a smile to AA Car Insurance claims staff when they get a telephone call from customers in distress:

Pulling the wool That's just what claims staff thought when Mr Carlton said he was driving home from the pub with a friend and going under the by-pass a sheep landed on the bonnet of the car.

"It had come from a lorry that had overturned on the by-pass and in fright it jumped over the parapet." The car was a write-off, but Mr Carlton didn't say what happened to the sheep!

The Local Municipal Police wear blue and white uniforms and are basically Town Hall Officials. Their main responsibilities include parking violations, guarding the street crossings at school times and upholding the local Bye Laws (Like Building & Safety regulations) in the Municipal area.

Although they too are armed, they are very approachable by residents and tourists alike as they are essentially working in the Interests of the local community.

In your dealings with any of the above Police Agencies it is important to be polite and try your best to speak whatever Spanish you can as this more often than not helps to show that you are not just another "Disagreeable Foreigner" that thinks that a misunderstanding of the Language, or ignorance of the law is enough to resolve any situation.

Remembering the saying about magpies, 'one for sorrow, two for joy' she looked out for the second – and promptly ran into the back of the car in front.

She didn't say whether she ever did see the second magpie, so perhaps there is some truth in the old adage!

Concertina carols!

One for sorrow Miss Pownall, a nurse, was on her way to work when a magpie flew in front of her.

Mr Woodford was involved in a multiple accident in 'sleety snow' on the M62. "I was in the middle of about a dozen cars and my car was bashed front and rear. The cars all crunched up like a concertina. While we waited for the recovery trucks, the chap from the car in front took out, of all things, a concertina! He was supposed to be playing at a carol concert so he started playing Christmas carols for us instead!

OUT ON THE 5th EVERY MONTH

More funnies and of course great insurance deals at www.the AA.com

30

Friday, 8th April, 2011

31

Friday, 8th April, 2011

TKO NEWS ROYAL WEDDING PARTY EVENT Keep listening to TKO FM and TKO Gold for details of a very special event coming up to celebrate the wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton, on April 29th.

The event is being organised by Paul Cunningham Nurses and TKO Media Group, in conjunction with the Mayor of Rojales.

We´ll be letting you know all the details of attractions, events and activities being put on to make sure everyone has a fantastic time.

TKO Beat The Intro Competition The competition continues next week with a new track for you to guess.

Text your answer to whichever station you are listening to and be in with a chance of winning a top prize. TKO FM and TKO Gold are both running separate competitions so you could enter both, if you wish!

Our thanks go to Jon at Lumsden Auctions, Formentera, who is sponsoring the feature..

TKO FM HOT GOSSIP Like current chart high-flyers Adele and Jessie J, Katy B is a product of Croydon's renowned BRIT School, but whereas her two peers have travelled further abroad metaphorically and literally - to find their musical muses, Katy (real name Katy Brien) has made her name in London's very own bass scene. Lending her talents to dubstep, garage and UK funky tracks, she established herself as a highly-desired guest-vocalist before finally breaking out into the mainstream as a solo artist in her own right with her 2010 single Katy On A Mission.

Her debut album, On A Mission, will be out at the beginning of April, and it is precisely her background in British bass culture that has allowed her to come up with something truly special. It is a brilliant modern pop record, but one that stands apart from its modern pop peers.

The result is a combination of dubstep, garage and UK funk, but one that doesn't sound watered-down or seem like bandwagon-jumping; the producers have helped to make these genres what they are today and were in it from the start. Add Katy's vocals to this already potent mix and it is taken to the next level. Not only is her voice fantastic, but she has a very distinctive, r&b-influenced melodic voice. All of the lyrics and tunes are written by her, with a clear sense of identity which is the mark of a good song-writer and pop star,.

If you haven’t grabbed a copy of her cd or downloaded the album, do so, it’s a cracking piece of elegance, talent and great pop music. TKO FM are always happy to play Katy B.

Cliff Duets In 70th Birthday Celebrations Cliff Richard is set to release an album of duets, featuring soul stars Percy Sledge, Candi Staton and Dennis Edwards from the Temptations.

Cliff has teamed up with executive producers David Gest and Lamont Dozier, who was responsible for the biggest Motown hits ever written.

Gest said “A mutual friend of ours, Gloria Hunniford, approached me about working with Sir Cliff. I came up with the idead of doing an album of duets with soul legends, as well as a number of modern R^B artists. Most of the songs are contemporary and don’t be surprised if a rapper or two appears on the album” There will also be some remakes of classic songs with a new twist to them. Gest is very excited about the project and also filming the “Making of” video. The album is due for release in October of this year. Cliff will also play a show in Las Vegas where will play on the strip for the very first time.

This is a departure for Cliff, who’s last release was an album of Swing classics, and the new album is to celebrate his 70th Birthday. TKO Gold will be getting it’s mitts on the album and will be sure to play you the tracks as soon as they are received. Keep your ears open later on in the year.

WIN A MEAL FOR TWO AND WINE AT QUESADA FISH & CHIPS Pop Quiz 8th April 1 Who had a hit with Man I Feel Like A Woman?

2 He recorded Love TKO...

3 Who had a hit with Spanish Eyes in 1962?

4 Name the rock opera aby The Who? 5 Where The Streets Have No Name was one of many hits for who?

6 These types of love song proved very successful for Wings 7 A night At The Opera and A Day At The Races were albums for which supergroup?

8 Who had a hit with Vienna?

9 Name the boy band which came third in the last X Factor series FIND THE KEY WORD AND TO TAKE PART LISTEN TO CHRIS ASHLEY’S SHOW ON TKO GOLD, 8AM TO 11AM EVERY MONDAY CHRIS WILL ASK YOU TO TEXT OR EMAIL IN THE KEY WORD AND THE WINNER OF THIS WEEK’S ANSWER WILL BE ANNOUNCED.

32

Friday, 8th April, 2011

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week's puzzle, 20 represents D and 10 represents G, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 2 For sure (7) 7 Snail (5) 8 Crete (5) 9 Nut (3) 11 Stud (4) 14 Star (4) 16 Ideas (5) 17 Amen (4) 19 Sage (4) 22 Ale (3) 24 Rouge (5) 25 Ochre (5) 26 Settler (7)

Down 1 Beads (5) 2 Safer (5) 3 Turn (4) 4 Nope (4) 5 Pests (5) 6 Later (5) 10 Untie (5) 12 Sue (3) 13 Ant (3) 14 Eat (3) 15 Pea (3) 17 Charm (5) 18 Glean (5) 20 Slogs (5) 21 Cents (5) 22 Felt (4) 23 Each (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Steal, 3 Final, 6 Apt, 8 Sparrow, 9 Tots, 10 Lately, 12 Pillow, 13 Bans, 16 Academy, 17 Den, 18 Ties, 19 Halve.

Down: 1 Start, 2 Lust, 3 Fracas, 4 Nursemaid, 5 Lowly, 7 Titillate, 11 Bored, 12 Plant, 14 Singe, 15 Myth.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Former president’s key money measure (6) 4 Boast about a clog (5) 8 Snake I caught is jellied (5) 9 A yobbo from a tumbledown funfair (7) 10 Brave about carpet burn (7) 11 The blighter hid in a wheelie bin (4) 12 Sign of agreement appears in no doubt (3) 14 Departing losing single medal (4) 15 Golf club element? (4) 18 Initially emulates a bird (3) 21 City that’s so slow to reveal itself 23 Different Ocean sector for kid’s toy (7) 25 A truce arranged in the mid North for this horseman (7) 26 Float around in the air (5) 27 A little bit of quiet colour (5) 28 Citric mixture for a fault finder (6)

Down 1 Fork for second class spread (6) 2 Big wheel turns around in customer pushchair (7) 3 Trade previous coinage (8) 4 Oafs ruined a couch (4) 5 Turned out, so I be in Idaho (5) 6 Let gin give you a funny feeling (6) 7 Inexperienced bowler’s environment (5) 13 Old monster is around, sort of (8) 16 Writes about posture in frontier settlement (7) 17 They like to be heard in coves I find (6) 19 Seize power from money lender quietly and without hesitation (5) 20 Architect without the doctor is very cold (6) 22 Left one recipe for a solitary sole (5) 24 Unable to part? (4)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Bough (6) 2 Head honcho (7) 3 Swap (8) 4 Settee (4) 5 Capital of Idaho (5) 6 Prickle (6) 7 Inexperienced (5) 13 Prehistoric reptile (8) 16 Settlement (7) 17 Articulates (6) 19 Take over (5) 20 Extremely cold (6) 22 Recluse (5) 24 Hairless (4)

Across 1 Capacity unit (6) 4 Wooden footwear (5) 8 Gelatin (5) 9 Lout (7) 10 Reduce to ashes (7) 11 Foot part (4) 12 Move up and down (3) 14 Award (4) 15 Flatten (4) 18 Flightless bird (3) 21 Capital of Norway (4) 23 Two-wheeled vehicle (7) 25 Mythical being (7) 26 In the air (5) 27 Cut into strips (5) 28 Reviewer (6)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Darker, 4 Agreed, 9 Piccolo, 10 Order, 11 Taper, 12 Besiege, 13 Slipped disc, 18 Amateur, 20 Shame, 22 Links, 23 Swindle, 24 Carpet, 25 Debris.

Down: 1 Deputy, 2 Recap, 3 Ego trip, 5 Gloss, 6 Endless, 7 Darted, 8 Double cross, 14 Learner, 15 Dislike, 16 Garlic, 17 Recess, 19 Ensue, 21 Adder.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words An Be Go Hi Me No Of Or 3 letter words Aga Ass Ego Gin Kin Oat Ohm Ran

Rex Sea Sec Son 4 letter words Able Afar Bone Boos Boss Dogs Fret Gale Gnaw Gore Hoot Knee Lied

Mire Read Saga Same Soho Tine Zoos 5 letter words Caret Serge Sneer Spasm 7 letter words Arraign Examine Partake Sailing

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Les (a ellos, ellas) (4) 3 Falcons (8) 9 Lawyer (7) 10 Delantal (culinario) (5) 11 Steel (5) 12 Respuesta (6) 14 A través de (6) 16 Cucharas (6) 19 Pavo (6) 21 Milk (5) 24 Vivo (con vida) (5) 25 Doorbells (7) 26 Guapo (hombre) (8) 27 Puerta (de casa, vehículo, armario) (4)

Down 1 To work (8) 2 Fugarse para casarse (enamorados) (5) 4 To adore (6) 5 Abrigos (prendas) (5) 6 Norwegian (7) 7 Arena (geológico) (4) 8 Canoes (6) 13 Lift (elevator) (8) 15 Meeting (7) 17 Pigeon (6) 18 Sistema (6) 20 Rodillas (5) 22 Circus (entertainment) (5) 23 Baño (bañera) (4)

33

Friday, 8th April, 2011 Across 1 What is the name of the Italian dish consisting of dough made from durum wheat and water formed into various shapes? (5) 4 Which large browsing mammals of the giraffe family live in the rainforests located in the northeast of the Democratic Republic of Congo? (6) 9 What was the name of Bob Marley’s backing group? (7) 10 What name is often given to a large country house with lands? (5) 11 By what abbreviation is the European Free Trade Association usually known? (4) 12 Derived from the name of a Greek philosopher, what name is given to a person who takes particular pleasure in fine food and drink? (7) 13 What name is given to the standard number of strokes set for each hole on a golf course? (3) 14 What first name is shared by dramatist Jeremy Sandford’s ‘inebriate woman’ and Barry Humphries’ ‘Dame’?

(4) 16 Released in 1962, what was the title of the the first James Bond movie? (2,2) 18 In snooker what is the name of the long straight tapering wooden rod used for striking the ball? (3) 20 Which man’s name represents the letter C in radio communication? (7) 21 Which Swedish group won the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest? (4) 24 In Scandinavian folklore, what name is given to a supernatural creature (either a dwarf or a giant) that lives in caves or in the mountains? (5) 25 Who topped the British singles chart in 1990 with Killer?

Quiz Word

(7) 26 What name is usually given to the hard, shiny, dark brown nut of a horse chestnut tree? (6) 27 Which island in Upper New York Bay was formerly the United States’ principal immigration reception centre? (5)

SUDOKU

Down 1 What name is given to the various alloys of tin with small amounts of other metals, especially lead? (6) 2 Which speedy insectivorous bird with long slender wings and a superficial resembles a swallow?

(5) 3 What was the capital of the former South Yemen from 1967 until 1990? (4) 5 Which British female vocalist’s hits include Kids In America and You Keep Me Hangin’ On? (3,5) 6 Which short-legged flightless bird of cold southern especially Antarctic regions has webbed feet and wings modified as flippers? (7) 7 Kingston-upon-Thames is the county town of which county of SE England? (6) 8 Which plant of a large genus that includes the Michaelmas daisy, typically has purple or pink rayed flowers? (5) 13 Which Swiss painter, resident in Germany from 1906, joined Kandinsky’s Blaue Reiter group in 1912 and later taught at the Bauhaus? (4,4) 15 What name is given to a member of any of several cavalry regiments in the household troops of the British army?

(7) 17 Which acid gives vinegar its characteristic taste? (6) 18 What name is given to any of a number of conifers that typically yield fragrant, durable timber? (5) 19 What name is given to a straight line from the centre to the circumference of a circle or sphere? (6) 22 In Fawlty Towers, what was Mr Fawlty’s first name? (5) 23 Which university at New Haven, Connecticut, was founded in 1701? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Every week we’ll be covering a different topic to help readers enlarge their Spanish vocabulary. This week we start with: Verbos ABRIR -OPEN

DORMIR-SLEEP

OIR-HEAR

ANDAR-WALK

EMPEZAR-STAR

PARAR-STOP

BEBER-DRINK

ESCRIBIR-WRITE

PERDER-LOSE

CERRAR-CLOSE

GANAR-WIN

PLANTAR-PLANT

COMER-EAT

JUGAR-PLAY

TERMINAR-FINISH

COMPRAR-BUY

LAVAR-WASH

TRABAJAR-WORK

COSER-SEW

LEER-READ

VENDER-SELL

DESPERTAR-WAKE

LIMPIAR-CLEAN

VER-SEE

DIBUJAR-DRAW

NECESITAR-NEED

TRIVIA QUIZ 1. Where would you find the 'Line of Mars' and the 'Girdle of Venus'?

2. What does a blue flag with a white cross mean in motor racing?

3. The word tragedy is Greek, what does it literally mean?

4. In Scotland what was the 'tawse'?

5. Who tells the story in 'The Arabian Nights'?

6. What is a baby squirrel called?

7. What two sports use mallets?

8. What is 6 inches bigger in Summer?

9. Barrel sizes - What beer barrel will hold 108 gallons?

10. What fashion trend did General Ambrose Burnside start during the Civil War? 11. The sale of what counterfeit delicacy outranged the French?

12. Author P.G. Woodhouse used which London Club?

13. One eighth of the US population has done what?

ANSWERS 1. Palm - lines in Palmistry 2. Give way or be disqualified 3. Goat Song - used to sacrifice goats 4. Teachers Strap or belt 5. Sheherazade 6. Kit or kitten 7. Croquet and Polo 8. Eiffel Tower 9. Butt 10. Sideburns 11. Truffles - White dyed Black 12. Drones 13. Worked in MacDonalds.

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 1 Sodom, 4 Spasms, 9 Lucille, 10 Omaha, 11 Mess, 12 Astaire, 13 Pus, 14 Sloe, 16 Toga, 18 Dye, 20 Recycle, 21 Oboe, 24 Kirov, 25 Cyanide, 26 Steele, 27 Euros.

Down: 1 Salami, 2 Ducks, 3 Mali, 5 Prostate, 6 Skating, 7 Spades, 8 Degas, 13 Perceval, 15 Lucerne, 17 Drakes, 18 Deuce, 19 Peters, 22 Briar, 23 Jade.

Find the Spanish equivalent of these verbs in the word search

QJ Y U A U L U J E V A RH WA RI RA DI RE RI RY WH

S S R Z A E GDA NNA T RS RI I T A P OUN A B R RRE B UJ S OC B I R ODL ORZ Soduko

RP I NV RL B V A L RE UE A I E F J T C T A L J MB B C E GT CDA P E RI N E B WE B I R A G OD MOS A A J N R MH A P P R R B A E A RB RE T DT GD I R O F R Z WWJ R C MA D T A A MA E A RRRA Y P RCP RE V E RHP OL F C S E P T MMN E F A V A ROE A P E P B DQCRP I J RB Span - Eng

Open Close Eat Buy Walk Sew Wake Draw Drink Sleep Start Write Win Quizword

Play Wash Read Clean Need Hear Stop Lose Plant Finish Work Sell See Fill It In

34

Friday, 8th April, 2011

WANDERING

& WHAT YOU FIND WHEN

Courier Editor, Dave Bull takes a stroll along the La Regia and Cabo Roig strip to discover a little more about the area and of course, end up eating somewhere.

Being an editor one of the benefits is that I do get out now and again. Most would say not enough, and they’d probably be right, but when I do go out I like to go somewhere (for me) that’s new, and so last week I found myself in La Regia, just off the Cabo Roig strip. However, there seems to be a little confusion about which side of the road is La Regia and which Cabo Roig, but hey, this is Spain…does it really matter what their post code is?

Before heading down to take in the breath-taking views from the beach, and of course the well laid out walkway that takes you down to the sand; a walk that makes you feel like you’re on holiday, even when you’re working, I took an amble and did some window browsing in some of the businesses along either side of the N332 which, handily for me, has a new(ish) bridge to carry me over the busy thoroughfare below.

The first one I came across was the Clinica Cabo Roig which is adjacent to the Sophia Wellness Centre building just off of the Cabo Roig Strip. Hi-tech here by the looks of it. It always amazes me that Spain has this image of being behind the west but whenever there’s technology involved the businesses here have the very latest equipment. Inside the Clinica, after I asked (politely of course) to have a nose around they showed me where they treat patients for Cardiological & Cardio-thoracic medical care, ECG, Blood Pressure monitoring and Echocardiography. Once I knew what they were they showed me more of the facilities available for patients and clients including Ultrasound, health and sports check-ups and that one thing that isn’t readily available in Spain which is pre and postoperative care. They also deal with pain therapy and wound care, make house calls and can run a full range of laboratory tests, plus minor surgery. By the time I left I was exhausted just trying to remember all the services, nice people too.

But seeing as I was already alongside the building I decided to check out the Sophia Health and Wellness Centre which was pretty busy with ladies, and a few gents, on the toning tables having a work out, and a good laugh as they chatted, by the look of them. Along to a door marked ‘Beauty Treatments’ and inside several ladies, again chatting while being looked after, told me to mention the Pamper Packages which they all enthused about while also adding that the hairdressing salon was also highly recommended. I thanked them and moved on noting that monthly membership was now available, according to a poster allowing customers to save as well as get healthy – not a bad deal at

all.

Still inside the impressive building I came across the Power House Fitness Gym which advertised to ‘Join now and enjoy a healthier way of living’ and I wonder why I haven’t, I mean why would I with no Joining fee to pay at Powerhouse, nor an Induction fee and when (as we all do) you need someone to give you that push they have personal trainers that are FREE? There’s no excuse, I’m joining and getting in shape for summer, especially at that price! I mean they even have programmes to suit all levels and classes of Pilates, kickboxercise, Legs bums and tums, stretch and tone, fit ball, zumba, self-defence, fitness factor, muscle pump. And all those classes are free for members!

Thinking about it I could come into this building one day and leave a lot healthier just a few hours later – I’d be daft not to, wouldn’t i?

Ok, so onwards and forwards and a look into the intriguingly named ‘Upstairs Downstairs’ launderette where, having a look at their range (and I should add, very reasonable prices), they will wash and dry all your household laundry. including blankets, quilts & curtains in their large industrial sized machines, unfortunately I haven’t brought mine but I’ll be back – I always go to businesses that give me a smile and I was made to feel welcome even though I was quizzing them about what they do. They also do all the stuff you’d expect but, and I was surprised, it’s much more economical than I thought to things washed, or cleaned properly. So along with service washes, ironing service, curtains made, sewing alterations, rugs and carpets cleaned they also (again handy for me) have special rates for commercial customers including free pick up/drop off. Amazing what you find out just walking around being nosey. Oh yes, and from the 23rd April they are open on a Saturday 10am to 2pm…this all turning out very accommodating for me.

Hello, what’s this? Ambling along once again thinking just how healthy, and clean, I will be soon I find Levante Legal just off the Cabo Roig Strip and according to the sign they are ‘Solicitors, tax consultants and community administrators.’ Ok, time to find out some more and inside I’m once again greeted warmly and am soon engrossed in discussion about what makes Levante Legal different to other lawyers.

As I soon discover, after I start in Spanish, and I’m responded to in English, that this multilingual team with many years’

35

Friday, 8th April, 2011

IN WONDER

YOU LOOK IN CABO ROIG

experience can chat to you in whatever language you are most comfortable with. In the current times they have also taken time to understand the changing needs of Communities and provide a high quality and professional community and administration service and judging by their clients, they know what they are doing. They will also provide a permanent and personal backup with 24 hour telephone support to help in an emergency. I assured them I, hopefully, wouldn’t need that service but they did impress with their knowledge of what expats needs and requirements are.

So if I’m going to stay healthier, fitter and more my next discovery is an essential seeing as I smoke, and adore coffee.

Inside ‘Head to Toe’ I find what I want, Laser Teeth Whitening guarantees a whiter smile’, which (again being a wimp) is handy as its 100% safe and pain free. Another of those little beauties I also discover that for a lot less than I thought – I can do something very rewarding – get a nice set of shiny white teeth.

I found out a little more and am told it’s a free consultation and for three thirty minute sessions it’ll only cost me 99€ which to me is a meal out with the in-laws, or…some nice white gnashers. They won’t starve.

Hunger starts to make its presence felt and a rumbling belly needs to be dealt with properly as far as I’m concerned but something’s are never as easy as you think – I mean where to go? And when you’re faced with three very interesting and different choices what do you do? You do what I did – you try them all out at different times and if you’re lucky like me – you find three little gems that’ll get you planning your nights out in advance.

I checked out Don Decades with its large outside area with room for smokers and diners and where an outdoor bar and stage are ready to serve you with liquid or human entertainment, a good thing I noted too as the sun dropped rapidly, was the heaters were on keeping patrons comfy by the look of them. Plenty to do by the look of it with two pool teams and tables of course, darts, cribbage free line dancing and, a dedicated kids area to keep little ones, and parents, amused at the same time.

With fresh food being served daily and, again I wasn’t going to break the bank eating here, with a Sunday Lunch for just 5.95€ - and a choice of Beef, Pork or Lamb Don Decades has offered up the diner good food at a good price.

Along with tasty fare they are also bringing top entertainment into the Area plus all the big games are on the sports screens and if you need a venue for a party or function, you would be wise to consider Don Decades in my opinion.

But still more options beckon me as I wander to the restaurant Rianxeira at La Regia which is next to the health centre.

Here is place to enjoy a typical Spanish menu - choosing from either the a la cart menu, the menu the del dia at only 10€ or settle down for the evening set menu at 15€ which includes wine.

I had a chat with owners, Karen and Jose who had my mouth watering by the time they’d got to the main course – just telling me about the menu, but I’ll be trying something but again I’m spoilt for choice. However, something to look forward to is from Easter when you can also enjoy, fresh from their aquarium, a fresh seafood platter. Tasty, very tasty.

However, if your taste is for adventure – try and find the next place I was recommended to, Manhattan restaurant.

And if you do? You’ll find a welcoming and homely charm in

a lovely setting that leads out onto a poolside dining area.

Their secret, you’ve gathered by now that I found Manhattan, is in their special recipes that offer up superb homemade dining but at pocket friendly prices. The Steak Pie bears witness to that with huge chunks of meat filling it, as does the ‘Full of Fish’ pie which really lives up to its name; stuffed with Salmon, Smoked haddock and prawns. I could go on but suffice to say there’s plenty on the plate but I can’t end my wander around without mentioning their Sunday roasts which range from 5.95€ to 7.95€ for three courses.

Three superb restaurants to choose from and plenty of other reasons to come back to La Regia and Cabo Roig, an afternoon well spent and some more to come around here that’s for sure and I haven’t even mentioned the busy market every Thursday. Ah well… I have now.

Thanks to the kind assistance of all the businesses mentioned who didn’t mind me sticking my nose in the door – sometimes when they were up to the arms in work.

Dave Bull

36

Friday, 8th April, 2011

Horoscopes Dear Tia Maria.

I have been good friends with a neighbour of mine for about 5 years.

About a year ago I started to have feelings for her but I didn´t say anything because I thought it might ruin our friendship. However about 4 months ago I had had a bit too much to drink and I told her how I felt.

The problem is that she has a long-standing partner, though they are not married.

We started to see more of each other and she has admitted that she has feelings for me also.

She says she loves me but she doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend because she says she is "afraid." She loves me but she also loves her boyfriend.

What should I do? Try to wait things out, or forget about her?

Tia Maria says: Your "friend" is playing a dangerous and unkind game. Though I do believe you can be attracted to two

DANGEROUS GAME

(or more!) men but you can only really love one.

I think she is afraid to rock the boat and doesn't want to change anything. After all, why should she? She has both of you eating out of the palm of her hand. She

doesn´t want to lose her long-standing partner, but she also is enjoying the attention you are giving her and she doesn´t want to let you find someone for yourself.

Take an honest look at how

she is behaving towards her partner. She is flirting outrageously with another guy. In a sense, she is being emotionally unfaithful to him.

Think carefully, is that really the type of woman you want to get involved with?

What does this tell you about her character? How do you think she will act when she is with you? When another man comes along that she's attracted to, will she flirt with him on the side as well?

Here's my advice: tell her that while you do have feelings for her, you don't think it's fair to her partner for her to behave this way. Tell her that you don't think it is the right thing to do to carry on secretly while she is in another relationship.

Then, stop seeing her completely. Let her miss you for a while. If she really loves you, she will choose you. If she doesn't come to you on her own, she never loved you anyway.

Make her choose, and, while you're at it, think enough of yourself to find someone who puts you first, not second, to someone she already has.

Good Luck

GERMAN WOMEN'S MAGAZINE BANS MODELS Germany's most popular women's magazine has banned professional models from its pages in favour of "real women"; after its editor said he was tired of "fattening up girls with Photoshop".

Starting next year, the bi-monthly Brigitte will feature a mix of prominent women and regular readers in photo spreads for everything from beauty to fashion to fitness, the editor said.

Lizzie Miller pictured in Glamour magazine unairbrushed Andreas Lebert said the move is a response to increasing complaints from readers over "protruding bones" on models who weigh far less than the average woman.

"From 2010 we will not work with professional models anymore," he said, adding that he was "fed up" with having to retouch photos of underweight models.

"We will show women who have an identity - the 18-yearold student, the head of the board, the musician, the football player," Mr Lebert said in Hamburg, where the magazine, published by Gruner+Jahr, is based.

Brigitte has suffered a steady drop in readers over the past 20 years but, with more than 719,000 copies sold per issue, it remains Germany's most-read women's magazine.

Members of the fashion industry - from designers to magazine editors to model agents - have begun trying in recent years to combat the size 0 aesthetic that has come to dominate, contributing, some experts say, to eating disorders and poor body image.

In 2004, the Dove beauty products company launched its own "Campaign for real beauty" that included print and bill-

board ads showing "real women," of all shapes and sizes, posing in their underwear.

In 2007, the US Council of Fashion of Designers of America issued voluntary guidelines to curb the use of incredibly thin models.

Fashion officials in Madrid set a minimum body-mass index, and those in Milan tightened restrictions. Efforts gained urgency after Ana Carolina Reston, a 21-year-old Brazilian model, died of anorexia in November 2006.

By Pandora Aries March 21 - April 19 Friends may be helpful if/when your back is to the wall, particularly in career situations and/or when you need an extra hand to reach your goals. You may be tempted to 'throw them aside' when doubts arise easily and a little hand holding or pep talk is just the thing you'll need; RUN, do not walk, to your favourite 'inspirational pal'.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Romantic love shows several forms of 'intolerance' this week as minor challenges could surface, with confusion and misunderstanding, and emotional frustrations and impatience, most likely on YOUR part. The good news is that issues appear to be properly vented, communicated and waters are smoothed nicely later in the week.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 If there was ever a week lately when you needed your pals, THIS is one of them! Get as much done early in the week as you can and then it may be time to call in favours as soon as you feel that you are up against the wall,

Cancer June 21 - July 22 Co-ventures appear to go rather well this week and shared hobbies and events appear enjoyable. Mixers and parties are excellent for meeting new people and networking opportunities, especially near the end of the week bringing in exciting AND profitable connections.

Leo July 23 - August 22 You may find an obstacle of some kind but work around it. Agreeable energies in the latter part of the week allow you to get what you want done. Travel may be required but returns appear good as long as you either schedule it or take it sooner rather than later.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 If you need a hand with a tough project or you find yourself with your back to the wall and you need someone to hold your hand through a lonely time, a pal is the way to go BUT... if you are in need of some kind of counselling then seek a professional.

Friends may not have the best of intentions about your love life.

Libra September 23 - October 22 This can be both a productive and a profitable week in career but it will take fast action and some good planning. Get a fast reply and quick turn around early in the week. Make scheduling top priority and anything really important must be scheduled, no matter how simple it is or appears at this time.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 New friends appear to be in the offing, along with running into 'old pals' especially Aquarius, Pisces, Taurus and Libra. Be careful about making any kind of promises especially if the encounter is career related. IF the promises are made to you, that may be a different matter.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Much of how your psyche sees the rest of the world will depend upon your love life this week. No distraction could leave you focusing on the negatives more and that will NOT get you over the 'low or rough spot' this week provides for ALL of us. We depend upon you!

You are the centre of optimism and you spread joy up to the maximum!

NEED HELP? Comisión para la investigación de malos tratos a mujeres (Research Comission for Violence Against Women) Tel: 900 100 009 Monday through Friday from 9:00 to 21:00

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Cooperation is difficult this week with minor disappointments likely, especially in youth, inlaws and partners, particularly if they are Leo, Aries, Capricorn, Scorpio, Sagittarius or Libra.

Being 'lied to' or feeling 'mislead' in some way, is a possible threat, most likely this is done to shed blame, throw off suspicion or distract from a truth.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 A busy and demanding early week appears to progress nicely and you may be the inspiration for just about everyone. You appear to hold it all together for a number of signs, many of which may be unaware of how much they depend upon you. You are an excellent problem solver, original and creative innovator.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Romantic love does well early in the week but it can be short term if Aries, Leo or Sagittarius is involved. There is some level of threat as some Fish may see termination energy possible but it would have to be in a relationship that has already shown signs of crisis in the recent past or have had this same problem before.

Friday, 8th April, 2011

37

WHAT’S ON THE TELLY..?

When Piers Met Andrew Lloyd Webber ITV1 Saturday, April 9th 10:10pm to 11:10pm Piers Morgan gains unprecedented access to West End legend Andrew Lloyd Webber, witnessing a rarely seen side of the composer at rest in his private Mediterranean hideaway and at work in the heart of his showbiz empire in the Palladium Theatre, London. Lloyd Webber opens up to Piers about his life, his surprisingly humble origins, why he does not believe in inheritance and how he refused to be slowed down by prostate cancer. What emerges is a portrait of a complex and shy man who is supremely talented, obsessive about his work and apparently unable to use a computer or a mobile phone.

Wedding Crashers Channel 4 Sunday, April 10th 11:00pm to 01:15am Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn star in David Dobkin's romantic comedy as John Beckwith and Jeremy Gray, two long-term buddies who've worked out that weddings are

the ideal place to pick up women at their most romantically vulnerable moment. But having turned crashing them into a fine art, complete with a list of rules 100 items long, things start to go wrong. They manage to crash the event of the year, a weekend-long celebration for the wedding of the daughter of William Cleary, Secretary of the Treasury and a possible candidate for the Presidency. But John makes the mistake of falling for the bride's sister Claire Cleary, while Jeremy has to fight off her clingy sister Gloria. And the longer the weekend goes on, the more likely it is that their cover will be blown

38

Friday, 8th April, 2011

Friday 8th April 00:25 Finished at Fifty? Panorama 00:55 Countryfile 01:55 Antiques Roadshow 02:55 Rip Off Britain 03:25 BBC News 03:30 Our World 04:00 BBC News 04:30 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Neighbourhood Blues 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes 11:30 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Justice 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Dani’s House 16:30 Tracy Beaker Returns 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 19:00 The One Show 19:30 Rip Off Britain 20:00 EastEnders 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 Have I Got News for You 21:30 QI 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 John Bishop Live: Elvis Has Left the Building 23:45 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws BBC 2 00:20 BBC News 00:30 BBC World News America 01:00 BBC News 01:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 02:00 BBC News

02:30 The Record 03:00 BBC News 03:25 Close 04:00 Secondary Schools - GCSE Bitesize: Design & Technology 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:50 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:15 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:00 Mightymites 10:15 Postman Pat 10:35 64 Zoo Lane 10:45 Waybuloo 11:05 In the Night Garden 11:35 Meerkat Manor 12:00 Daily Politics 12:30 GMT with George Alagiah 13:00 Diagnosis Murder 13:45 Racing from Aintree 16:30 Pointless 17:15 Escape to the Country 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 Golf: The Masters 20:00 Mastermind

20:30 21:00 22:00 22:30 23:00 23:50

Gardeners’ World Lambing Live Frank Skinner’s Opinionated Newsnight The Review Show Later with Jools Holland

ITV 00:30 The Zone 02:35 British Touring Car Championship Highlights 03:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Coronation Street 20:00 Baboons with Bill Bailey 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Benidorm 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather

BABOONS WITH BILL BAILEY We're more used to seeing him as a competitive birdwatcher on Sky1, but in this eightpart series he shows how the baboon colonies of urban Cape Town have come to thrive: as tourists flock to see whales off South Africa's coast, the baboons break into their cars.

22:35 Take Me Out C4 00:05 4Play: The Kills 00:25 On Track 00:40 The Crush 01:35 Face of Britain 02:30 Dispatches: Cashing in on Degrees 03:20 Unreported World 03:45 Hill Street Blues 04:40 Ugly Betty 05:25 Countdown 06:10 Max Bear 06:25 The Hoobs 07:15 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 Gok’s Fashion Fix 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 Crash Dive 14:05 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:25 4thought.tv 19:30 Unreported World 20:00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Back to the Clinic

22:00 Friday Night Dinner 22:35 Rude Tube: Viral Ads 23:40 10 O’Clock Live C5 00:25 SuperCasino 04:05 The FBI Files 04:55 Rough Guide to Eco Escapes 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Little Princess 07:10 Mio Mao 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Police Interceptors 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 15:15 Devil Winds 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 Fifth Gear 20:00 Ice Road Truckers 20:00 5 News at 9 21:00 The Mentalist 22:00 Law & Order 22:55 CSI: Miami 23:55 Cops in Crisis

39

Friday, 8th April, 2011

Saturday 9th April 00:00 Donnie Darko 01:50 Michel Roux’s Service 02:50 The Boat That Guy Built 03:20 Great British Railway Journeys 03:50 Newswatch 04:00 BBC News 04:30 The Bottom Line 05:00 BBC News 06:00 Breakfast 08:00 Formula 1: The Malaysian Grand Prix - Qualifying 10:15 Saturday Kitchen Live 11:30 Great British Menu 12:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 12:15 Football Focus 13:00 The Grand National 17:10 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 17:30 All New Total Wipeout: Celebrity Special 18:30 So You Think You Can Dance 19:30 The National Lottery: Secret Fortune 20:20 Casualty 21:10 Live at the Apollo 21:55 BBC News; Weather 22:15 Match of the Day 23:35 The Football League Show BBC2 00:50 02:15 02:30 03:00 03:30 03:45 03:50 06:00

Backstage BBC News The Record Review BBC News Click Newswatch Close Finley the Fire Engine

06:10 Zigby 06:25 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 One Minute Wonders 07:30 Arthur 08:00 Fee Fi Fo Yum 08:30 Project Parent 09:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 09:30 Cop School 10:00 Relic: Guardians of the Museum 10:30 League of Super Evil 10:40 Wolverine and the X-Men 11:05 Mortified 11:30 Golf: The Masters 12:30 The Sky at Night 12:50 SpaceCamp 14:30 Flog It! 15:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 Final Score 17:15 The Big Flutter: The Grand National on Film 17:45 Coast 18:00 Dad’s Army 18:30 Highlights from the Lambing Shed 19:30 Goldie’s Band: By Royal Appointment 20:30 Live Golf: The Masters

ITV 00:30 The Zone 02:35 In Plain Sight 03:20 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Mini CITV 07:25 CITV 09:25 Coronation Street 11:45 This Morning: Saturday 12:50 Monk 13:50 ITV News and Weather 14:04 Meridian Weather 14:05 You’ve Been Framed!

14:35 Catwoman 16:30 The Nation’s Favourite Abba Song 18:00 Meridian News and Weather 18:15 ITV News and Weather 18:30 New You’ve Been Framed!

19:00 Mamma Mia! 21:10 When Piers Met Andrew Lloyd Webber 22:10 ITV News and Weather 22:24 Meridian Weather 22:25 Knocked Up

01:10 My Name Is Earl 01:55 Freaky 02:20 John Q 04:15 Ugly Betty 05:00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:25 Countdown 06:10 The Hoobs 07:00 The Track and Field Show 07:25 The Grid 07:55 The Morning Line 08:50 Friends 09:20 Source Code: T4 Movie Special 09:50 Friends 10:20 Glee 11:20 Great British Hairdresser 12:25 The Big Bang Theory 13:20 That Paralympic Show 13:55 Channel 4 Racing 15:25 The Secret Supper Club 16:00 Come Dine with Me 18:35 Channel 4 News 19:05 4thought.tv 19:10 River Cottage Every Day 20:10 Seven Ages of Britain 21:10 Transporter 3 23:10 Stand Up for the Week

C4 C5 00:40 On Track 00:55 4Play: Alice Gold

MAMMA MIA! Not since the invention of fondue has 1970s cheese been this hot. This shiny, happy romantic comedy set to Abba's greatest hits has already proved a winning formula on stage and with this big-screen adaptation it's been taken up another notch. Meryl Streep sings her heart out here as ageing rock chick-turned-hotel owner Donna, whose daughter Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) is about to get married on the Greek island.

00:15 SuperCasino

04:05 Motorsport Mundial 04:30 Fifth Gear 04:55 Rough Guide to Weekend Breaks 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Peppa Pig 06:05 Roary the Racing Car 06:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 06:25 Fireman Sam 06:40 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 06:50 The Beeps 07:00 Mio Mao 07:10 Chiro 07:15 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:30 Noddy in Toyland 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Hana’s Helpline 08:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 08:30 Play!

08:45 Rupert Bear 09:00 Olivia 09:15 The Mr Men Show 09:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10:00 The Family Recipe 10:05 The Gadget Show 11:05 Emergency Bikers 12:05 Megastructures: 747 Demolition 13:10 The Battle at Apache Pass 14:50 Vegas Vacation 16:35 5 News Weekend 16:45 The Cowboys 19:15 NCIS 20:10 CSI: Grissom’s Greatest 21:10 CSI: NY 22:10 CSI: Miami 23:10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

40

Friday, 8th April, 2011

Sunday 10th April 01:00 BBC News 01:30 On The Road With a Concert Pianist 02:00 BBC News 02:30 HARDtalk 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Our World 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Click 05:00 BBC News 05:30 The Record Europe 06:00 Breakfast 08:00 Formula 1: The Malaysian Grand Prix Live 11:15 Country Tracks 12:15 The Politics Show 13:15 The Story of Vaisakhi 13:45 Formula 1: The Malaysian Grand Prix 15:45 Escape to the Country 16:30 Points of View 16:45 Songs of Praise 17:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:00 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers 18:30 The Boat That Guy Built 19:00 Countryfile 20:00 Antiques Roadshow 21:00 Waking the Dead 22:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 22:25 Match of the Day 2 23:25 The Hunted 23:25 Weatherview BBC2

00:00 Grand National Re-Run 00:30 Later with Jools Holland 01:35 Between 02:55 Close 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:25 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 One Minute Wonders 07:00 Leon 07:35 Match of the Day 09:00 The Andrew Marr Show 10:00 Something for the Weekend 11:30 MasterChef 12:30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow 13:00 EastEnders 14:55 Artistic Gymnastics 17:30 Flog It! 18:00 The Truth About Lions 19:00 Live Golf: The Masters

05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Mini CITV 07:25 CITV 09:25 May the Best House Win 10:25 House Gift 11:30 This Morning: Sunday 12:30 Dinner Date 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:34 Meridian Weather 13:35 Columbo: Uneasy Lies the Crown 15:35 Abba: The Mamma Mia! Story 16:35 Midsomer Murders 18:35 Meridian News and Weather 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 The Cube 20:00 Lewis 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:15 Atonement

04:35 Ugly Betty 05:20 Countdown 06:05 Sali Mali 06:10 The Hoobs 07:00 Freesports on 4 07:25 Crunchtime 07:50 Friends 08:45 Hollyoaks 11:20 Friends 11:55 Glee 12:50 The Simpsons 13:55 Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Time Team 18:30 Channel 4 News 18:55 4thought.tv 19:00 Come Dine with Me 20:00 Civilization: Is the West History?

21:00 Country House Rescue 22:00 Wedding Crashers

C4

C5

00:00 The Untouchables 02:05 Sex in the 80s: The Story of Club 18-30 03:00 Privileged

00:10 04:00 04:10 05:00

ITV 00:45 The Zone 02:50 Swingtown 03:35 ITV Nightscreen

ATONEMENT The kind of collaboration that seems designed to produce the perfect British film, this adaptation of Ian McEwan's bestseller from screenwriter Christopher Hampton (Dangerous Liaisons) and director Joe Wright (Pride & Prejudice) actually pulls it off. Beginning in 1935, the drama pivots on the burgeoning love affair between privileged Cecilia Tallis (Keira Knightley) and servant's son Robbie Turner (James McAvoy).

SuperCasino Animal Rescue Squad Nick’s Quest Hana’s Helpline

05:10 The Milkshake! Show 05:35 Thomas & Friends 05:45 Roary the Racing Car 06:00 Peppa Pig 06:05 Roary the Racing Car 06:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 06:25 Fireman Sam 06:40 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 06:50 The Beeps 07:00 Mio Mao 07:10 Chiro 07:15 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:30 Noddy in Toyland 07:40 Roobarb and Custard Too 07:45 Igam Ogam 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Hana’s Helpline 08:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 08:35 Family!

08:45 Rupert Bear 09:00 Olivia 09:15 The Mr Men Show 09:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10:00 Chinese Food in Minutes 10:15 OK! TV Sunday 11:15 Family Food Fight 11:45 Ice Road Truckers 12:45 Tsunami: British Search & Rescue 13:50 You Got Served 15:40 High School Musical 3: Senior Year 17:50 5 News Weekend 18:00 Mr Deeds 19:40 Hellboy 22:00 The Walking Dead 23:30 Thir13en Ghosts

41

Friday, 8th April, 2011

Monday 11th April 00:55 MasterChef 01:55 Holby City 02:55 Men of Rock 03:55 The Record Europe 04:00 BBC News 04:30 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Animal 24:7 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Filthy Rotten Scoundrels 11:45 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Sadie J 16:30 Blue Peter 16:55 Shaun the Sheep 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 18:55 Referendum Broadcast on Behalf of the No Campaign 19:00 The One Show 19:30 Bang Goes the Theory 20:00 EastEnders 20:30 Living with the Ayatollah Panorama 21:00 Waking the Dead 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 A Question of Sport 23:05 Late Kick Off 23:35 The Walker BBC2 00:00 00:30 02:10 02:30 03:00 03:30 03:55

Frank Skinner’s Opinionated Roger Dodger BBC News Dateline London BBC News The Record Europe The Super League Show

04:25 Close 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 06:55 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:45 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:15 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:45 Chuggington: Badge Quest 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:00 Mightymites 10:15 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 10:40 Waybuloo 11:00 In the Night Garden 11:30 Dip Dap 11:35 Meerkat Manor 12:25 Animal Park 12:55 Diagnosis Murder 13:40 To Buy or Not to Buy 14:25 Restoration Roadshow 14:55 Flog It! 15:40 Helicopter Heroes 16:25 Pointless 17:10 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 17:55 Referendum Broadcast on Behalf of the No Campaign 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 This Is Britain

20:00 Railway Walks 20:30 Raymond Blanc’s Kitchen Secrets 21:00 A Home for Maisie 22:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 22:30 Newsnight 23:20 Wonders of the Solar System ITV 00:25 Premiership Rugby Union 01:10 The Zone 02:00 The Fog 03:30 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:30 ITV News and Weather 18:50 Referendum Broadcast on Behalf of the No Campaign 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Coronation Street 20:00 The Dales 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Law & Order: UK 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and

DISPATCHES: Tazeen Ahmad investigates planned changes to the NHS in light of the Government's pledge to protect its services. The programme goes inside one of Britain's busiest hospitals, which faces spending cuts and the potential loss of hundreds of jobs in the next 12 months.

Weather 22:35 Real Crime with Mark Austin: The Tesco Bomber 23:35 River Monsters

Bodyshock Special 23:05 The Event

C4

01:15 SuperCasino 04:00 Animal Rescue Squad 04:10 UEFA Europa League Highlights 05:00 Hana’s Helpline 05:10 The Milkshake! Show 05:35 Thomas & Friends 05:45 Roary the Racing Car 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Milkshake! Music Box 07:00 Little Princess 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Bridezillas 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 15:15 Family Sins 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:25 Referendum Broadcast on Behalf of the No Campaign 19:30 How Do They Do It? 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Resident Evil: Extinction 22:55 Derailed

00:15 Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction 02:15 Never Did Me Any Harm 03:10 Vincent: The Full Story 04:05 The Play’s the Thing 05:00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:25 Countdown 06:10 Max Bear 06:20 The Hoobs 07:10 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 Relocation, Relocation 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 River Cottage Bites 12:20 The Day the Earth Stood Still 14:05 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 Referendum Broadcast on Behalf of the No Campaign 20:00 Dispatches: Undercover Hospital 21:00 One Born Every Minute 22:00 The 27 Inch Man: A

C5

42

Friday, 8th April, 2011

Tuesday 12th April 01:20 MasterChef 02:20 Arctic with Bruce Parry 03:20 Baking Made Easy 03:50 On the Road with 04:00 BBC News 04:30 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Animal 24:7 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Filthy Rotten Scoundrels 11:45 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Dead Gorgeous 16:30 Blue Peter 16:55 Shaun the Sheep 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 18:55 Referendum Broadcast on Behalf of the Yes Campaign 19:00 The One Show 19:30 EastEnders 20:00 Holby City 21:00 Candy Cabs 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 See You in Court 23:25 Love Me, Love My Face BBC2 00:20 The Brain: A Secret History 01:20 BBC News 01:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 02:00 BBC News 02:30 The Record 03:00 BBC News 03:30 On the Road with 03:50 Close 04:00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: Maths 1

06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 06:55 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:50 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:15 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:45 Chuggington: Badge Quest 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:00 Mightymites 10:15 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 10:40 Waybuloo 11:00 In the Night Garden 11:30 Dip Dap 11:35 Oh, Mr Porter!

12:55 Diagnosis Murder 13:40 To Buy or Not to Buy 14:25 Restoration Roadshow 14:55 Flog It! 15:40 Helicopter Heroes 16:25 Pointless 17:10 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 17:55 Referendum Broadcast on Behalf of the Yes Campaign 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 Coast 20:00 Britain’s Next Big Thing 21:00 Filthy Cities

22:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 22:30 Newsnight 23:20 Wonders of the Solar System ITV 00:30 The Zone 02:35 UEFA Champions League Weekly 03:00 ITV Nightscreen 04:35 Jeremy Kyle: Morning Surgery 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:30 ITV News and Weather 18:50 Referendum Broadcast on Behalf of the Yes Campaign 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Grimefighters 20:00 Countrywise 21:00 Smugglers 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 Walking Tall

SMUGGLERS The concluding part of the documentary follows the UK Border Agency as it seizes a huge consignment of drugs hidden in a lorry at Harwich port. A man is caught smuggling £500,000 worth of high-purity cocaine into the country, claiming he was paid just £900 to act as a courier, while cutter officers stop and search a yacht from the Caribbean, but come away empty-handed.

C4 00:05 4thought.tv 00:10 Foo Fighters: In a New Light 00:40 European Poker Tour 01:40 The SS 02:35 Codex 03:20 Vincent: The Full Story 04:15 The Bible: A History 05:10 Hill Street Blues 06:00 The Treacle People 06:10 Max Bear 06:20 The Hoobs 07:15 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 11:00 A Place by the Sea 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 Great British Brands 12:20 River Cottage Bites 12:25 The War of the Worlds 14:05 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 Referendum Broadcast on Behalf of the Yes Campaign 20:00 Supersize vs Superskinny 21:00 Katie: My Beautiful Friends 22:00 Campus 23:05 Pete Versus Life 23:40 School of Comedy

C5 00:40 Sex Lessons 01:10 SuperCasino 04:00 Meals in Moments 04:10 How Not to Decorate 04:55 Rough Guide to Islands 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Milkshake! Music Box 07:00 Little Princess 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Bridezillas 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 15:10 Mercy Mission: the Rescue of Flight 771 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:25 Referendum Broadcast on Behalf of the Yes Campaign 19:30 Extraordinary Dogs 20:00 Tutankhamun: The Mystery Revealed 20:00 5 News at 9 21:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 22:00 CSI: Miami 22:55 CSI: NY 23:50 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

43

Friday, 8th April, 2011

Wednesday 13th April 00:30 Michel Roux’s Service 01:30 Who Does What?

02:30 Great British Railway Journeys 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Reporters 04:00 BBC News 04:30 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Animal 24:7 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Filthy Rotten Scoundrels 11:45 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Trade Your Way to the USA 16:30 MI High 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 19:00 The One Show 19:30 DIY SOS: The Big Build 20:30 Life of Riley 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 22:45 Would I Lie to You? 23:15 Scream BBC2 00:20 Wonders of the Solar System 01:20 BBC News 01:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 02:00 BBC News 02:30 The Record 03:00 Close 04:00 GCSE Bitesize Revision:

Maths 2 - Algebra 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 06:55 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:50 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:15 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:45 Chuggington: Badge Quest 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:00 Mightymites 10:15 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 10:40 Waybuloo 11:00 In the Night Garden 11:30 Dip Dap 11:35 Too Many Crooks 13:00 See Hear 13:30 Coast 13:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 14:30 Restoration Roadshow 15:00 Flog It! 15:45 Helicopter Heroes 16:30 Pointless 17:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 Escape to the Country

20:00 Springwatch High Seas with Gordon Buchanan 21:00 The Crimson Petal and the White 22:00 The Victorians 22:30 Newsnight 23:20 Wonders of the Solar System ITV 00:05 The Zone 02:10 Crossing Jordan 02:55 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 UEFA Champions League Live 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time 23:35 Smugglers

DIY SOS New series. Nick Knowles and the team enlist the help of a local community in Aberystwyth to renovate the home of a builder who has a brain tumour. They finish the construction of an extension to the man's home, which had been left unfinished owing to his ill health, and call on the skills of his friends and family to complete the job.

C4 00:10 4thought.tv 00:15 UK & Ireland Poker Tour 01:40 The Grid 02:05 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:30 Sailing 03:00 ITU Triathlon 03:50 AVP Beach Volleyball 04:45 Crunchtime 05:10 Full Metal Challenge 06:10 Max Bear 06:20 The Hoobs 07:15 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 Country House Rescue 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 Jamie at Home 12:35 Invasion of the Body Snatchers 14:10 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Vacation, Vacation, Vacation 20:30 Superscrimpers: Waste Not Want Not 21:00 Jamie’s Dream School 22:00 Desperate Housewives

23:05 The Big C 23:40 Being N-Dubz in America and Beyond C5 00:45 SuperCasino 04:00 Meals in Moments 04:10 How Not to Decorate 04:55 Rough Guide to Adventures 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Milkshake! Music Box 07:00 Little Princess 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Bridezillas 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:00 Charms for the Easy Life 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 Starlight: For the Children 20:00 Emergency Bikers 20:00 5 News at 9 21:00 NCIS 22:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 22:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 Poker: Aussie Millions

44

Friday, 8th April, 2011

Thursday 14th April 01:00 See Hear 01:30 Country Tracks 02:30 Natural World 03:30 Rip Off Britain 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Panorama 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Animal 24:7 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Filthy Rotten Scoundrels 11:45 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Project Parent 16:30 My Life: Stammer School 16:55 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab: The Experiments 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 19:00 The One Show 19:30 EastEnders 20:00 Watchdog 21:00 New Tricks 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 Question Time 23:35 Women, Weddings, War and Me BBC2 00:20 Wonders of the Solar System 01:20 BBC News 01:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 02:00 BBC News 02:30 Our World 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Click 04:00 GCSE Bitesize Revision:

Maths 3 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 06:55 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:50 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:15 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:45 Chuggington: Badge Quest 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:00 Mightymites 10:15 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 10:40 Waybuloo 11:00 In the Night Garden 11:30 Dip Dap 11:35 Just My Luck 13:00 Diagnosis Murder 13:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 14:30 Restoration Roadshow 15:00 Flog It! 15:45 Helicopter Heroes 16:30 Pointless 17:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 Shanties and Sea Songs with Gareth Malone

20:00 The Animal’s Guide to Britain 21:00 A History of Celtic Britain 22:00 Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience 22:30 Newsnight 23:20 Filthy Cities ITV 00:30 ITV News Headlines 02:30 Spartacus 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Children of the Tsunami: Tonight 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Monroe 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 Benidorm

NEW TRICKS A woman steps forward with new evidence regarding a high profile riverboat collision that claimed a man's life. She reveals her father - a boating enthusiast - has been labelled as responsible for the incident by the victim's widow, but she believes the blame lies with a wealthy property developer who happened to be one of the dead man's business rivals.

23:35 Caroline Quentin: A Passage Through India C4 00:10 Abbey Road Debuts 00:30 4Play: Young Knives 00:45 4Play: The Chapman Family 01:00 The Album Chart Show Spotlight 01:15 The Frontier House 02:10 Vincent: The Full Story 03:05 Where the Sidewalk Ends 04:45 Great British Brands 05:00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:25 Countdown 06:10 The Treacle People 06:20 The Hoobs 07:10 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 The Restoration Man 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 Great British Brands 12:15 River Cottage Bites 12:20 Destination Moon 14:10 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Three in a Bed

21:00 Terror Weapon of the Somme: A Time Team Special 22:00 10 O’Clock Live 23:05 Friday Night Dinner 23:35 The Ricky Gervais Show C5 00:55 SuperCasino 04:00 Meals in Moments 04:10 How Not to Decorate 04:55 Rough Guide to Activity Holidays 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Milkshake! Music Box 07:00 Little Princess 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Bridezillas 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 The Family Recipe 15:15 Prayers for Bobby 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:25 How Do They Do It? 19:55 Live UEFA Europa League Football 22:00 Striking Distance

45

Friday, 8th April, 2011

SPORT ON THE BOX All the top sport on TV in your Good News paper MANCHESTER UNITED V CHELSEA UEFA Champions League - Quarter Final

Golf

was a shot back going into the final round but produced some stunning golf to finish three strokes clear. Westwood has since gone on to become world number one, could this be the year he finally ends his long wait for a major?

BBC 2 Sunday, April 10th 8:00pm to 01:00am The Masters.

Hazel Irvine presents live coverage from the Augusta National golf course as the Masters reaches its climax. In 2010, there was no stopping America's Phil Mickelson from claiming his third Green Jacket as he stormed clear of England's Lee Westwood in the final round. Mickelson

Match of the Day 2 BBC 1 Sunday, April 10th 11:25pm to 00:25am Colin Murray presents highlights of the

Tuesday 12th April 20:45 Sky Sports 2

day's two Premier League matches.

Blackpool entertain Arsenal in a match which has huge significance at the top and bottom of the table. The Seasiders have been a revelation in their first season in the Premier League but have struggled lately and are in danger of relegation. Arsene Wenger will be looking for a win today to maintain his side's hopes of winning the title. Meanwhile, Aston Villa, who were hammered at St James' Park in August, will be seeking revenge and a much-needed three points against Newcastle United.

Football on TV Saturday 13:30 Wolverhampton v Everton Barclays Premier League - Sky Sports 2 Sunday 14:00 Blackpool v Arsenal Barclays Premier League - Sky Sports 1 16:30 Aston Villa v Newcastle United Barclays Premier League - Sky Sports 1 Monday 20:30 Liverpool v Manchester City Barclays Premier League - Sky Sports 1

THAT’S PUT A NAIL IN IT! HAMMERS BEATEN BY ROONEY & CO LONG BALLS

by Malcolm Palmer Drama in the first English Premier game of the weekend. West Ham, playing host to leaders Manchester United, had a great first half, marked by a pair of penalty-goals, so they led 2-0. But Rooney had other ideas and a classy hat-trick, topped off by one from Javier Hernandez, and shoved the Hammers firmly back into relegation territory. Who would now bet against Fergy’s boys for the title? Not Chelsea fans, anyway, (unless they are very optimistic) as their heroes strove in vain for a winner against Stoke, and were held 1-1.

Tottenham were lack-lustre in their 0-0 draw with Wigan, whilst Arsenal could do no better with Blackburn.

Liverpool went one worse, and lost 2-1 to West Brom.

Next day, Manchester City moved above Chelsea into third place, hammering Sunderland 5-0, whilst Fulham put paid to Blackpool with a convincing 3-0 scoreline.

If Spurs’ indifferent form was due to preoccupation with their impending Champions’ League quarter final, rivals Real Madrid fared much worse, losing at home to Sporting, to proEx-madridista Roberto Soldado

vide Mourinho with his first home defeat for nine years, during which he has managed four different clubs.

Barça rubbed salt in their wounds by winning 0-1 at Villareal, Piqué scoring the only goal after Valdes had produced a string of world-class saves.

Ex-madridista Roberto Soldado banged in all four of Valencia’s goals as they thrashed Getafe to cruise into (a distant) third place.

In the second division, the match billed as the game of the day, Betis v Celta, ended in a stalemate draw, while Granada edged closer to securing a play-off place as their hungry striker, Geijo, bagged two more to put him firmly on top of the scoring list for that division. The first division’s equivalent, by the way, seems to be on hold, as Messi has lost the touch, and Cristiano Ronaldo is absent injured. – Both have 27 goals so far.

Rooney claims the match ball

46

Friday, 8th April, 2011

SPORTS ROUND-UP Moto GP

chance to qualify for the event.

The second race of the 2011 MotoGP Championship was played out on treacherous track conditions that claimed a number of victims over the 27 laps. Slipping comfortably into second on the first lap Lorenzo stayed in contention in the top three for several laps, graduating to first position as rivals Stoner, Rossi and Simoncelli all crashed out of contention. A steady rhythm saw the reigning World Champion take the chequered flag, his first ever professional race career win in the wet.

Moto GP result: 1 J Lorenzo (Spn) Yamaha 50 minutes 49.046 seconds 2 D Pedrosa (Spn) Honda 51:08.385 3 N Hayden (USA) Ducati 51:18.131

Cricket World Cup 2011 India beat Sri Lanka by six wickets in a pulsating final to deliver World Cup glory to their cricket-mad population for the first time since 1983.

Sri Lanka smashed 91 from their last 10 overs to post 274-6 in Mumbai, with Mahela Jayawardene making a superb 103. India lost Virender Sehwag and Sachin Tendulkar early on but Gautam Gambhir and Mahendra Dhoni rebuilt the innings. Gambhir was out for 97, but captain Dhoni's brilliant unbeaten 91 led India to a famous win with 10 balls to spare.

Irish outrage as ICC cuts World Cup teams to 10 Enraged by the ICC's decision to cut the number of teams in the 2015 World Cup to 10, the Irish cricket authorities and Captain William Porterfield said the move is an "absolute disgrace" and damaging to the game. The ICC cut the number of teams at the 2015 World Cup from 14 to 10 yesterday, dealing a blow to teams such as Ireland, Holland and Canada as they would not have a

Cycling Nuyens upstages favourites in Flanders Belgian Nick Nuyens beat Sylvain Chavanel and Fabian Cancellara in a three-man sprint to win a thrilling Tour of Flanders. Defending champion Cancellara (Trek-Leopard) made the decisive move of the race with an attack four kilometres from home that put paid to the chances of his other main rivals in a large group.

Golf Phil Mickleson feels pretty confident about his game heading into the Masters. The defending champion at Augusta outdueled Scott Verplank on Sunday to win the Shell Houston Open by three shots, his first victory since earning his third green jacket last April.

And it comes with a notable distinction.

Men’s European Tour Having gone into the bunker when they replayed the 18th, Horsey had to make a fine eight foot clutch putt to stay in it after Davies missed a third putt to win this time from 20 feet. Horsey pushed his approach right again on his third trip down the last, but rather than find the bunker he caught the bank on the edge of the green and rolled to three feet and this time he made no mistake.

This week the tour moves on to Morocco

69 in the final round to become a Rolex First-Time Winner. She celebrated by taking the ceremonial leap into Poppie’s Pond with her caddy, Travis Wilson, her mother, Carol, her father, Dale, and her sister Janet. Lewis joined the group of Helen Alfredsson (1993), Nancy Bowen (1995) and Morgan Pressel (2007), who all tallied their first win at the Kraft Nabisco.

European Ladies tour Zuzana Kamasova became the first player from the Slovak Republic to win a Ladies' European Tour title as she triumphed by two shots at the Lalla Meryem Cup in Morocco on Sunday.

A final round of 76 at Golf du Soleil in Agadir proved enough to see off her closest challengers, French amateur Alexandra Bonetti (66), Germany’s Caroline Masson (71) and Kiran Matharu from England (74).

Kamasova said: “I am just super happy.

It really means the world to me because golf is super new in Slovakia.

Altogether we have 6000 golfers so it is not even viewed as a sport until now unfortunately. For me to win a tournament might actually move the sport in Slovakia forward. “The 32-year-old led by four strokes starting the final round and bogeyed the first two holes of the day, but responded with birdies on the third and sixth holes.

LPGA Ladies Tour Stacey Lewis wins Kraft Nabisco Stacy Lewis became the fourth player in LPGA history to record her first career LPGA win at the Kraft Nabisco Championship, outdueling Rolex Rankings No. 1 and defending champion Yani Tseng to take a three-shot victory in the LPGA’s first major of the 2011 season. Lewis, 26, fired a 3-under

ORIHUELA RFC GIVEN LONDON IRISH SHIRT FOR THE BUTTERFLY CHILDREN CHARITY At the end of last year we were very lucky to be given a signed London Irish rugby shirt signed by all of the present team players.

The shirt was received from John Letch of Car Contacts over in Reading and it was one of his colleagues, Colin Sharp of Reading RFC, that was able to get the shirt signed by the players in the club.

We are looking for someone or a business that is willing to donate money to the Butterfly Children, DEBRA, for this shirt to help raise awareness and money for this very worthy cause. All of

the money goes directly to the charity and is used to help these families with this situation.

We are very lucky to be able to get such a fantastic donation, like in the past with Northampton Saints, and the Baa Baas when they came over to play the Spanish national side, which in both cases raised 1,000 and 1,500€ respectively, so let’s try and do the same again for this very worthy cause.

This is a one off shirt for all London Irish and rugby fans alike.

For more information, please contact me on the

number below.

This weekend Orihuela RFC will be having a training session at home if they can not find any one willing to play a friendly.

If you want to know any more details of what rugby is about in the area, and for your rugby gear club shirts etc, you can always come and see me at the Moncayo

Market most Tuesdays and Saturdays or call me on the number below.

The club trains on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s at the Miguel Hernandez University, the seniors 20.00 to 22.00, while the juniors from 18.15 to 20.00.

So if you are interested, dig out those rugby boots and come along and see for yourself what it is like. New players are always welcome no matter of what age you are or your skill level.

If you would like more information about what is going on in the club, you can contact the club by phoning, the president Álvaro on 630 313 298 or myself, Garry on 692 767 242. For the juniors contact Oscar on 600 871 606 (Spanish) So come along and join in the fun and great friendly atmosphere at the club

With Mick Hardy from Kidease Fixtures and results Saturday, 9 April 2011 Wolverhampton v Everton, 13:45 Blackburn v Birmingham, 16:00 Bolton v West Ham, 16:00 Chelsea v Wigan, 16:00 Man Utd v Fulham, 16:00 Sunderland v West Brom, 16:00 Tottenham v Stoke, 16:00 Sunday, 10 April 2011 Blackpool v Arsenal, 14:30 Aston Villa v Newcastle, 17:00 Monday, 11 April 2011 Liverpool v Man City, 21:00

RESULTS Local Football JUNIOR STRIKERS RESULTS 2/4/11 Pre Benjamins, Sponsored by: The Vegetable Garden Junior Strikers 4 Dolores 4 The Blues Pre Bens have managed to hit form again as they earn themselves a valuable draw against Dolores.

The home side had to dig deep in order to come back from 2-0 down against Dolores who are a strong Pre Ben team that are currently in the top four of the league. Junior Strikers captain Eddie Corbit was in the mood for goals scoring all four with quality strikes to earn his team a well deserved draw.

This was by no means a one man show as the whole team gave their all in this highly entertaining game. New signing Alvaro made countless well timed tackles in his defensive role to keep the Blues hopes of reaching the knockout stages of the league alive.

Benjamins, Sponsored by: Kulsveen s.l La Aparcecida 3 Junior Strikers 4 The Benjamin Blues got off to a great start in the champions stage of the Vega Baja league with a solid team performance to take all three points at La Aparecida.

Jordan Turner opened the scoring with a stunning long range effort that left the La Aparecida goalkeeper stranded. Sheldon Green extended the Blues lead with another long range shot to give the visitors a two goal cushion. La Aparecida capitalised on a mistake to pull a goal back just before half time. The home side came out from the break determined to get back into the game. Inside 10 minutes La Aparecida managed to draw level and then take the lead through an unfortunate own goal.

Blues midfielder Sheldon Green got the all important equaliser with his trademark solo run and finish.With only 5 minutes left to play the ball fell kindly to Jordan Harding who unleashed a shot that could only be parried into his own net by the home team goalkeeper.

Alevins, Sponsored by: Quesada Fish & Chips Junior Strikers V Sheffield Utd Sheffield Utd failed to turn up for this fixture without notice.

Junior Strikers will be awarded the win and three points For more info about Junior Strikers please visit www.juniorstrikers.com Sunday 3rd April San Fulgencio C.F. 1 v 0 Deportivo Orihuela Sponsored by 900telecom.com DAYA BACK ON TARGET DAYA NUEVA 11 v 0 CREVILLENTE "B" Alevins under 12s Orihuela Costa F.C. match report - infantils.

Orihuela Costa F.C 17 v 1 Club Deportivo Orihuela.

47

Friday, 8th April, 2011

WRONG VOYAGE!

Travel cock-up means Elche leave stars at home for crunch tie LAS PALMAS 2 ELCHE 1

by Dan Smith It was a week to forget for Elche boss José Bordalás and his team. Their unbeaten run finally coming to a sticky end last Friday evening in Las Palmas, but it wasn’t so much the 2-1 defeat at the hands of the Gran Canaria side but more the Spanish Football Associations fixture planning that gave the Elche side cause to complain.

Expecting a Saturday evening kick off and with travel arrangements planned for Friday evening, Elche were given news as late as Wednesday morning that their game against the Canary Islanders was to be brought forward to Friday evening kick off. The change in plans came about after the planned strike by first and second division clubs was ditched following the ruling in the Madrid Courts declaring that last weekend’s fixtures should go ahead.

As the Elche office staff hastily tried to rearrange travel plans it was Bordalás who had greater concern with a long list of border-line injuries which gave medical staff little time to prepare. This meant that key players such as Samuel, Kike Mateo and Generelo would have to be left behind.

An understrength Elche had almost overwhelming posession during the first forty five minutes, but little vision in front of goal which highlighted just how much they were missing their big players.

The home side fared little better only having a half chance; a shot scuttled sky-ward by Pedro Vega.

The first few minutes after the re start were sim-

ilar to that of the first half - great intensity but nothing to show for it.

The first clear chance though came to Las Palmas, Sergio Suárez shooting into the side netting and it took sixty-three minutes for the deadlock to be broken; Elche´s Ángel put in a near perfect pass which found Pelegrin unmarked just inside the six yard box. A neat floor bound header gave keeper Barbosa no chance but their joy was to last all of three minutes as centre forward Javi Guerrero picked up on a appeared a lost cause and shot past an advancing Jaime in the Elche goal.

Minutes later Sergio Suárez was just inches wide of putting the home side in front, his shot scrapping the post.

With one goal apiece on the score board and the clock ticking down, Ángel could, or perhaps should have, put the visitors back in front with a point blank shot into keepers Barbosa´s midriff.

The final twist to Elche´s bad week came in the eighty third minute. Awarded a free kick just outside the Las Palmas eighteen yard box, midfielder Acciari took the kick quickly catching his team mates by surprise. unable to react they watched as the ball was lofted up field to Pedro Vega and beating Eteixta to the ball he managed to slide it between keeper Jaime and right hand post.

The result was not too surprising really, Las Palmas went into the game on a high, four wins in a row has seen them edge out of the danger zone but Elche continue looking strong contenders for one of the four playoff spots come the end of the season.

Elche are at home to Nastic next Saturday, kick off is 18hrs at the Martinez Valero Stadium.

Cristóbal Márquez After some hurried negations, Elche confirmed last Friday, the signing of Villarreal´s Cristóbal Márquez, Cristóbal on loan from the Valencian club until the end of the season.

The twenty seven year old midfielder spent the last two seasons with the Villarreal B team gaining first team status at the start of this season but with increased competition for first team places it was decided a loan period to Elche would be favourable for both player and the two clubs.

UNITED TAKE CONTROL OF QUARTER FINAL

TEN-MAN SPURS GET A REAL THRASHING

Manchester United took charge of the Champions League quarterfinal against Chelsea when Wayne Rooney's winner gave them a crucial first-leg advantage at Stamford Bridge. Rooney finished off a nice move involving Michael Carrick and Ryan Giggs after 24 minutes to put United in control as they compete with Chelsea to face Inter Milan or Schalke 04 in the semi-final.

Real Madrid 4 – Tottenham 0

After facing a Football Association charge for swearing into the camera after scoring in United's win at West Ham United on Saturday, Rooney was a bit better behaved this time; he was all smiles as he slotted in away goal his manager Sir Alex Ferguson had demanded ahead of the all-Premier League confrontation.

Current Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti put together Didier Drogba and Fernando Torres up front but once again it was another disappointing and frustrating night for the Spaniard as his goal drought continues since his £50m British record transfer from Liverpool.

In an all-action game, Drogba struck a post and Patrice Evra cleared off the line from Frank Lampard in first-half injury time, while Chelsea and their supporters were infuriated when two penalty claims were rejected by Spanish referee Alberto Undiano Mallenco in the dying seconds.

The writing was on the wall when, after only four minutes ‘Manolito’ Adebayor headed home Özil’s corner at the far post, but then Peter Crouch effectively sentenced his own side by committing two tackles which would have made Vinny Jones blush, obliging the referee to reduce Harry Redknap’s options dramatically. Spurs tried valiantly for the rest of the first half, Gareth Bale showing his paces on the left, and provoking a yellow-card tackle by Pepe, but Madrid might have had a penalty when the official failed to see Dawson’s hand-ball.

The second half started to tell on the depleted Londoners, and, on 57 minutes, Adebayor again rose to send a looping header out of Gomes’ reach. Lass substituted Sami Khedira, then, after 71 minutes, Di Maria picked up a ball on the edge of the area, and scored with a thunderous drive into the top corner. Higuain came on for Adebayor, who received a hero’s welcome from the big Bernabeu crowd, then Kaká replaced Di Maria. After 87 minutes, he provided the pass which put Cristiano Ronaldo on the scoresheet. The 3,500 Spurs fans who made the journey will not look forward with any real hope to the return leg.

SCHALKE SHOCK FOR INTER. Inter Milan 2 – Schalke 5 After twice taking the lead in Milan, reigning champions Inter found Schalke 04 more than they could have bargained for, when their cosmopolitan squad crashed in five.

Ex-Madrid star Raul was amongst their scorers, notching a record 70th goal in European Cup competition. Inter appear to have an insuperable task when they visit Gelsenkirchen.

Continued from back page.

Hercules, on the other hand, had not registered an away goal for 1,043 minutes prior to this game. Pamarot, Tiago Gomes and Fritzler were all out injured, to add to the more serious absences of Tote and Trezeguet, but Peña was back to captain the side from left back.

After only a minute, Farinós’ free kick was deflected for a corner, and Hercules were immediately looking a different side under their new boss. Kiko and Abel Aguilar both saw yellow cards as the Alicantinos went on the attack, and, after 17 minutes, Drenthe’s cross gave Portillo a chance, but his effort was saved by Chilean keeper Bravo. Three minutes later, a Drenthe corner almost led to a goal, with an almighty goalmouth scramble, and then Abel Aguilar saw his shot saved when Drenthe fed him from a free kick.

Nelson Valdez brought the home keeper into action with another header, but, at the other end, Calatayud had to tip over Xabi Prieto’s shot, and young Frenchman Griezman posed a real threat with his speed. Cala again came to the rescue, saving from Zuruzuta. Griezman missed a splendid chance to put the Basques ahead, firing over the bar from close range. The half-time whistle brought some relief to Hercules, after constant threats by the home attack in the last ten minutes of the half. Earlier, though, Drenthe and Kiko had given Real plenty to think about with their speed down the wings.

Peña did good defensive work when the second half began, but Hercules almost conceded when a corner on the left had the defence ballwatching. There was a lot of entertaining end-to-end stuff until, on 69 minutes, Kiko hit a lovely cross onto Portillo’s head, and the striker gratefully nodded home his first of the season. 0-1.

Valdez might have scored a second soon after, but curled his shot wide of the post, then Kiko was replaced by veteran Rufete. Anxious moments ensued, and Djukic replaced scorer Portillo with midfielder Cristian on 83 minutes, but immediately, Drenthe made a great solo run and fired home a low shot. 0-2. Suddenly, an away win looked a distinct probability. Sendoa shot wide when he might have done better, but, as Real Sociedad laid siege to the Hercules goal, a clearance saw Drenthe sprint through from the halfway line, and send his shot crashing into Bravo’s net 0-3, as 90 minutes was up.

Tamudo scored a consolation goal, picking his way through a weary defence. 1-3.

A superb win, and a glimmer of hope now for the Alicante side?

48

Friday, 1st April, 2011

TEN-MAN SPURS GET A REAL THRASHING

TRAVEL COCKTRAVEL COCK-UP UP MEANS STARS LEFT AT ELCHE LEAVE STARS ATFOR HOME HOME FOR CRUNCH TIE CRUNCH TIE

UNITED TAKE CONTROL OF QUARTER FINAL

COURIER Number 1 for SPORT! Read the full reports on p47

Real Sociedad 1 – Hercules 3

DRENTHE PUTS THE BASQUES IN ONE EXIT

BY Mark Welton For Miroslav Djukic’s first game in charge, bottom-of-the-table Hercules travelled to San Sebastian to face the redoubtable Real Sociedad on their own patch, where they have proved tough opponents this term.

SEE PAGE 47