The Courier Week 108

Edition 108

www.thecourier.es

Friday, March 15, 2013

THE ICELAND MYSTERY RAID Speculation prompts statement vow

ICELAND officials were last night preparing an official statement as speculation grew about a reported night-time raid on their popular Torrevieja store at the weekend.

Police and Iceland man-

DONNA GEE REPORTS agement remained tightlipped amid contradictory rumours - and suggestions that police investigators were following several lines of enquiry.

At the same time, whispers spread of the extent of the thieves’ haul – presumably prompting the planned statement which a spokeswoman told the Courier as we went to press was imminent.

Earlier in the week, the Spanish press had quoted

Iceland’s Torrevieja store and, inset, where the reported break-in took place

Iceland employees as saying ‘’thousands of euros’’ had been taken in the Sunday night/Monday morning incident..

A garbled report in one local newspaper said the perpetrators gained access by forcing one of the rear doors, then broke into the commercial storage area.

The report did not name Iceland, though it did say the store was “well known among the local British community but also frequented by the Spanish public’’.

In often unintelligible English, It added (sic): “The assault forced the management to close the doors of trade throughout the morning.

“Staff of the supermarket was the forced closure informing customers who came to do their shopping routine.’’

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Are you a snapper? Do you have a great photo? Send it to design@thecourier.es and if we think it is good enough we will publish it as our Picture of the Week TELEPHONE

96 692 1003 679 096 309 965 99 66 66 E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Janine 616 332 178 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes Heidi Wardman John McGregor

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Picture of the Week

JUNGLE DRUMS

San Javier Photograph by DAVE BROWN

Teenage Ryanair steward saves passenger’s life A RYANAIR flight from Lanzarote to Bristol took a dramatic turn for the worst when a female passenger suffered a heart attack on board.

If it hadn’t have been for the quick-thinking actions of teenage air steward, Luke Rexworthy, the passenger would have died say the budget airline.

Mr Rexworthy, 19, gave the woman the kiss of life and oxygen from the emergency kit when she collapsed.

A nurse on the flight joined the rescue attempt which went on for half an hour as the plane made an emergency landing in Seville.

Luke is to receive a top

the plane landed in Seville, has since made a complete recovery.

Airline spokesman Robin Kiely said: “Ryanair cabin crew are proficient in first aid thanks to their training, hownational life-saving honour from the Royal Humane Society and has already been presented with a Ryanair Excellence Award in Dublin.

The teenager, who has worked for the low-cost airline for two years, said: “I was doing a service in the middle of the cabin when I heard a call bell.

“A lady was sick and I attended to her. She then stopped breathing.

“I put her in the recovery position and alerted other crew and a nurse came to assist and we commenced resuscitation.

“I did CPR as part of my training, but this was the first time anything like this happened to me on board.”

He added: “Doing it in real life is a bit different, but thankfully the training kicked in.”

The passenger, who was taken to hospital as soon as

ever very few ever have to implement the skills they have learned.

“We are extremely proud of Luke for his outstanding actions in saving a passenger’s life.”

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines?

What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or happier events like family weddings (particularly Gold and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 965 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

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Friday Sunny High 16° Low 7° Chance of rain 0% Monday Sunny High 20° Low 9° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Cloudy High 18° Low 9° Chance of rain 0%

Saturday Cloudy High 15° Low 8° Chance of rain 25% Wednesday Partly cloudy High 17° Low 9° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Cloudy High 18° Low 14° Chance of rain 30% Thursday Cloudy High 16° Lo 9° Chance of rain 45%

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SANTA POLA BOMBERS FACING 20 MORE YEARS TWO ETA terrorists jailed for a bombing in Santa Pola are facing an extra 20 years for two further attacks dating back to 2002. Óscar Celerain, known as 'Peio' and Andoni Otegi Eraso, who goes by the name of Iousu (both pictured) were sentenced to an exemplary 843 years in jail for blowing Santa Pola’s Guardia Civil living quarters on August 4 that year.

A six-year-old girl, the daughter of one of the officers, was killed in the blast.

But they have now been linked to two further attacks by the Basque separatist group,

one of which caused serious structural damage to a restaurant, on August 9 and 12.

An explosive device was hidden in the men's toilets at the Queen Burger restaurant in

Torrevieja, but after the terrorists sent their usual anonymous tipoff via telephone to Basque newspaper Gara, the building was evacuated before the bomb went off.

When it did, however, it completely destroyed part of the restaurant.

Three days later, a suspect package was found near the Elcano nightclub on Santa Pola beach shortly after a warning call from ETA. Police managed to deactivate it before it exploded. ETA, as is usually, owned up to the blasts.in a call to a newspaper.

LIFE IN SPAIN The fiscal department at Valencia’s q High Court of Justice (TSJ) is preparing a lawsuit against the former Mayor of Alicante, Luis Díaz Alperi, for three separate tax offences. The agency detected undeclared deposits in the former Mayor’s accounts adding up to over €650,000 during tax years 2007, 2008 and 2010. A delegate from the Social Security office has submitted all paperwork concerning the income and assets of Alperi to the Attorney General to determine his fate, as the tax deficit exceeds the normal sums which the office is accustomed to chasing. Alperi handed over the role of Mayor to Sonia Castedo, in September 2008, although continues to occupy the seat he won in the Valencian Parliament during the 2007 elections.

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Seventeen Torrevieja athletes have received grants for their sporting performances during 2012. The youngsters have shown incredible talent in all manner of sports including gymnastics, sailing, running and field events. Assessment was conducted by the scholarship’s evaluation commission, and those nominated were divided into four categories of merit, with the value of grants ranging from 285 to 4,000 euros.

The awards were presented at the Town Hall this week by the Mayor Eduardo Dolón and Sports Councillor, Luis María Pizana.

EU ruling prompts Spain to loosen eviction vice q SPAIN will make it slightly easier for homeowners to fight eviction after Europe's highest court ruled its mortgage laws were too hard on cash-strapped borrowers.

The government said yesterday (Thursday) that it would incorporate the ruling of the European Court of Justice into a new law currently being debated in parliament.

"We commit ourselves to revise all aspects of the law that have been declared in breach of the European legislation," said Justice Minister Alberto Ruiz-Gallardon..

In Spain a person is held liable for a mortgage loan even after returning a home and can only be freed when it is repaid.

The current rules make it very difficult for homeowners to contest evictions.

People cannot halt the process while they try to contest abusive clauses in their mortgage contracts, meaning that even if they eventually win a case against a lender, they may not be able to recover their home.

The European court, in response to the case of a Moroccan national working in Spain who was evicted, decreed that Spanish judges should be allowed to halt evictions when homeowners contest abusive clauses..

This small loosening of the rules - a victory for campaigners - could now bog banks down in many months of legal disputes with homeowners before they can evict them for falling behind on mortgage payments.

"Very little will change. There are some clauses that allow someone to contest an eviction and this simply adds another," said Jose Garcia Montalvo, economic professor at the

Universitat Pompeu Fabra. "In practice, if people start looking for abusive clauses more, this could make the eviction process lengthier and less efficient, and more costly (for banks)."

Foreclosures have risen sharply in the past few years and a series of suicides of people who had recently been evicted from their homes have contributed to public anger.

But one growing line of campaign against Spain's mortgage laws - the demand that debt be cancelled once homes are returned to banks - was ruled out by the government.

Spain's Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy (pictured) said in parliament on Wednesday he was against such a rule because it would only make mortgages more expensive.

EL ALTET was the sole airport out of the seven within the AENA network that saw an increase in traffic during January and February. The number of visitors increased by 0.1% to 881,426, which may seem insignificant as a stand alone figure, but contrasts with a 14% loss of traffic during the same period in 2012. AENA foresees a busy summer, especially with new routes now being introduced by Wizz Air and Ryanair, connecting Alicante with Bucharest, the Romanian capital.

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ORIHUELA City Council has approved the recruitment of Benidorm solicitor Jaime Llinares to address the most contentious issue currently affecting the city the surrender of the court building due to non-payment of €6m in rental fees on the part of the Valencian Government. Llinares was Benidorm’s Town Planning Councillor of the PSOE during the last legislature.

Welcome to Brand Spain, Your Holiness SPAIN'S King and Queen sent a telegram to Pope Francis I congratulating him on his election by the conclave of cardinals gathered at the Sistine Chapel in Rome to choose a successor to Benedict XVI. According to a spokesman for the Royal Household, King Juan Carlos I and Queen Sofia sent the message on Wednesday to the former Argentine Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio congratulating him on being selected as the 266th pontiff.

Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy also sent the new pontiff a message of congratulation and expressed the willingness of the administration to maintain and

strengthen "the special relations between the Holy See and Spain, on the basis of the profound values we share: life, human dignity, freedom, peace and justice." Rajoy said he was "convinced" that during the papacy of Francis I the Catholic Church will be able to contribute "in a decisive manner to a better world, for the benefit of coexistence among all nations and religious beliefs."

Spain's foreign minister, Jose Manuel GarciaMargallo, praised the election of the Argentine cardinal because "he speaks Spanish, which will contribute to Brand Spain."

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THE MARCH HEIR Maria, 65, discovers Franco tycoon Juan was her dad

A VALENCIA woman has discovered she may be the daughter of 'Franco's bank manager' after reading a letter in her loft.

Ana María Gallart, 65, spent the first two years of her life in an orphanage in Mallorca until she was adopted by Víctor and Felí, who told her that her parents' identity was unknown.

At the age of 21 and about to get married, Ana needed to apply for her birth certificate which showed she had actually been born on December 18 – five days earlier than she thought - and that her surname was March.

Her adopted parents refused to talk about it, but when she was 32, Ana found a file in the loft labelled 'Little Ana's documents'.

All this pointed to the fact that she could have been the daughter of Spain’s most famous 20th century tycoon, Juan March, known as 'bank man' to dictator General Franco.

A year of investigations and four books on Sr March later, Ana asked her father Víctor outright. He became 'very twitchy' and said, “you needn't search any further,” in such a way as to suggest that either she had found what she was looking for, or an instruction not to carry on digging.

Two years ago, Ana found a two-page typewritten letter which confirmed, indubitably, that her natural father was Juan March and that her parents had been forced to keep the matter a secret, signing the letter to confirm this.

Víctor had intended for Ana to read the letter after his death, but Felí hid it out of fear.

Although Ana says her search has always been merely curiosity, she may in fact be entitled to a multi-million-euro inheritance from her real father, who did not even know she had been conceived.

The body of the tycoon is being exhumed for further investigation.

Child abuse: New UK check boosts Spain’s Brit schools

UK law enforcers have launched a new police check that will help British schools in Spain to identify and screen out people who are unsuitable to be working with children.

The new International Child Protection Certificate (ICPC) was presented to more than 200 delegates from 60 authorised British schools at the annual conference of the National Association of British Schools in Spain (NABSS) in Seville last week.

The Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP) launched the new certificate after finding that some international

schools, charities and other overseas agencies lack access to the same level of police checks available to organisations in the UK, sometimes enabling sex offenders to gain positions of trust with children.

British Ambassador Giles Paxman attended the NABSS conference where he spoke to representatives of the Spanish authorities and several school delegates.

Mr Paxman said: “The new International Child Protection Certificate is an effective tool designed to reduce the chances of sex offenders gaining access to chil-

dren. I encourage all schools in Spain to include it as part of their staff recruitment.”

The ICPC was first unveiled at the British Embassy in Madrid at an event attended by Spanish government and law enforcement representatives. Spanish officers specialising in tackling child sexual abuse shared their expertise with CEOP staff during a two-day law enforcement workshop at the Spanish Ministry of Interior..

Founded in 1978, NABSS is today a large group that defends the interests of British Schools in Spain.

FOOD HEAVENS!

Prize-guy Carlos wins €57k eatery LUCKY Catalonian Carlos Tenza is the proud owner of a Torrevieja restaurant after winning a prize draw hosted by a popular drinks manufacturer.

The prize includes the fee for transferring paperwork into the new owner’s name, and complete control of the business, valued at €57,000 euros, for 12 months, rent free.

"When they called me to tell me that I was the winner I could not believe it,’’ said Tenza, “I then thought that I was now the owner of an ice

cream kiosk and still can’t believe that it is actually a fully equipped restaurant!”

The restaurant, on the Acequión beach, formerly

known as La Casera, will now be known as El Chiringuito, and is currently recruiting staff with a view to opening its doors at Easter

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editor@thecourier.es

COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

San Fulgencio forges link with Samaritans

COUNCILLOR for the Urbanisations, Jeff Wiszniewski and his team are delighted to announce that the Samaritans in Spain will be working closely with the Office for the Urbanisations in San Fulgencio for the benefit of all English speakers in the municipality.

On Thursday March 21, members of the Samaritans in Spain will

be in the Office for the Urbanisations between 10 am and 1pm to help any English speaker who needs to talk about the stresses and strains of their life.

Samaritan Volunteers listen in confidence to

anyone in any type of emotional distress, without judging or telling people what to do.

Samaritans do not offer advice, but by encouraging callers to talk about their feelings, are able to help them explore all the

options available to them.

Samaritans in Spain is operated by Costa Blanca Samaritans which is itself registered with the Generalitat Valenciana as a 100% not-for-profit organisation under CV01-042952-A and with NIF G54341466.

Common reasons to need to speak to the Samaritans may be... l Relationship and family problems

SPAIN DRAWING A FINE LINE ON TAX THE British Embassy has updated its guidance on taxation for Britons who are resident in Spain.

This follows the recent Royal Decree that reinforces an existing obligation on all residents in Spain Spanish and foreign nationalities alike - to file an annual informative declaration of assets held overseas.

The Decree allows for tougher penalties for noncompliance.

The guidance can be found on the ‘Finance’ page of the ‘Living in Spain’ section of the British Embassy website at www.ukinspain.fco.gov.uk .

The direct link is http://ukinspain.fco.gov.uk/en/help-forbritish-nationals/living-in-

spain/finance.

The updated guidance says: “Britain has a double taxation agreement with Spain to ensure people do not pay tax on the same income in both countries. In accordance with Spanish and international law, all res-

idents in Spain (nationals and non-nationals alike) are required to declare assets or groups of assets held outside Spain. Assets may include bank accounts, securities, rights, insurance, annuities, property, etc and the declaration is a separate

exercise to the annual tax return.

“To reinforce this obligation, and as part of the Spanish Government’s recent ant-fraud law, the Government on 15 November 2012 passed a Royal Decree that requires all residents in Spain to file an annual informative declaration of assets held overseas by 31 March each year.

Exceptionally for 2012 declarations, the deadline is 30 April 2013.

“Severe penalties for incorrect, incomplete or late reporting can be incurred and the legislation also means that criminal charges can be brought in the case of non-compliance.

The requirement and potential penalties are in line with standard international

tax practice.

“Taxation is a complex issue and it is strongly recommended that professional advice is sought. The English language page of the Spanish Tax Authority website can be found here.”

The updated guidance is intended to remind British residents in Spain of their existing tax obligations.

Taxation is a complex issue and the British Embassy and British Consulates are unable to assist with any personal enquiries or provide any further detailed information about taxation in Spain.

British residents requiring further help should seek professional tax advice.

SIMON MONTAGUE, British Embassy, Madrid

l Loss, including loss of a job, a friend or through bereavement l Financial worries l Job-related stress or overwork l College or studyrelated stress l Body image issues There is now also a 24 hour help line, the number of which is 902 88 35 35.

Talking openly about how you really feel can often be like opening a door. Talking can put you back in control and often reveals the choices you have.

Many people feel pressured into hiding their feelings out of embarrassment, or because they don’t wish to become a burden to their family or friends.

But trying to hide your feelings under a calm exterior merely saves the problem for later, resulting in stress building up until it becomes intolerable. For further information, please contact the Office of the Urbanisations, Calle Madrid on 966 443 002, email us on concejaliadeurbanizaciones@aytosanfulgencio.es or come into the office.

OFFICE OF THE URBANISATIONS, San Fulgencio

EDITOR’S NOTE: Letters and emails will only be considered for publication in The Courier if an address and contact number are provided (not for publication).

SPORT EXTRA

Rugby double joy for Orihuela ORIHUELA chalked up the double over visitors Lorca with a 21-17 victory in a breathtaking game.

Lorca, who have improved a lot this season, came into the game to attack and for once Orihuela were unable to get a grip from the start.

Fortunately a couple of pieces of indiscipline enabled Jose to send Orihuela in at half time 60 up. The first half was about a strong home defence and good organisation but missed tackles on the restart saw Lorca break out to score the opening try.

This seemed to wake Orihuela and Raffa broke away to score, with Jose converting.

Another Jose penalty was returned with interest as Lorca plundered another try.

Orihuela again responded with Adrian cross-

ing for his first try for the club, Jose converting.

Lorca then went over for their third try to set up a very tense finish, but Orihuela held on to win 23-17. Again Jose was both match winner and man of the match, with some excellent kicking off the tee. But it was a dogged display by the entire team.

Lorca can count themselves unlucky not to come away with something from the game, but that is how it goes. They will be a very strong force in the league if they continue to build as they have.

Orihuela are away to Cartagena on Sunday, hoping to end the season on a high having already beaten them at home with a try bonus point.

For more info, call Garry on 692 767 242.

REACH FOR THE TRY: Orihuela pile pressure on the Lorca line

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Friday, March 15, 2013

HEADS WHO WINS? I’M not sure whether an email we received this week from a reader in Orihuela (C Dowling, Letters Page) was meant to be a compliment or a condemnation.

It’s Cheery v Weary in the great debate over newspaper editing

It read: In edition 107, your ‘writers’ have had a field day with a hybrid of would-be puns and spoonerisms, such as Lib-Dems ''Have a Clegg To Stand On'' (Alex Trelinski), ''The Cone Ranger'' and ''Middle-age Tread'' (Donna Gee). But the one of least taste has to be Donna’s ''Let My Pad News Be Good News'' which facetiously headlines the very sad story of Tina Richmond.

The innuendo from the fact that Mr Dowling (apologies if that’s Mrs or Miss Dowling) ANYONE who knows me is quotes the word ‘writers’ is well aware of my passion that he does not regard our for sport - and particularly columnists as proper writers.

Neither does he realise that for Cardiff City FC. I even ruined a recent the Editor or sub-editors are Saturday for my family by usually responsible for the luring them from headlines.

Which is where I have to rare opportunity to open a Manchester to Middlesdeclare a mega-interest debate on a key element of brough to see my heroes since I was responsible for all newspaper projection. move closer to the Premier of those headlines. The critiThe question is: Are light, League. Cardiff lost, too. cism also presents me with a Sun/ Mirror type headlines For the last four seasons my heroes have failed in the final stretch to reach English football’s highest pinnacle.

And what’s worse, they’ve seen archrivals Swansea City leapfrog them into the top flight and win the League Cup as well.

Still, Cardiff have led the 24-team second tier for most of this season and do finally seem set to achieve their dream.

The remarkable thing is that their success (and A PLATEAU, they call it. The point where your weightlack of it) has been mir- loss success rate suddenly sticks. Where you cling loyally to your diet, yet the only thing you seem to lose rored in Spain by our local is your patience. second tier club, Elche CF. Well, I reckon I’m just about plateau-bound. Last With a 12-point lead over week I discovered I had lost just one kilo during the their nearest challengers, best part of three weeks dieting while I was in England. the Illicitanos look nailed And when I jumped onto the scales at the Beauty and on for promotion to La Wellness Centre in Pueblo Bravo for this week’s Liga. weigh-in, I discovered that another seven days of volContrast that with untary food deprivation had rid me of a mere 200 Cardiff’s four-point lead, grams. That’s seven ounces to those of us who can’t built on a 100% start of 11 make sense of the metric straight home wins - the revolution.

TOTAL LOSS, 9 WEEKS best record in European That leaves me still football. almost one kilo short of When they finally lost a the halfway point in my game in their own stadium, bid to lose 16 kilos by the they were replaced as Euro end of June.

No.1 homers by... Elche.

When you find yourself OFFICIAL Now, after many years’ stuck on the plateau, Start weight 93.2 kg absence, both clubs look dieticians say it is essenWeight now 86.1 kg tial not to turn to the poised for a joint leap into arguably the two best pregateau. They insist the mier leagues in the world. key to success is to stay resolute and keep going.

Whch is why I’ve written That’s what I do - I keep going to the fridge and wishto Cardiff manager Malky ing it was loaded with chocolate rather than salad.

Mackay suggesting the My target when I started my diet on January 10 clubs ‘twin’ up and play a was to lose 16 kilos (35lbs) and to raise £500 for pre-season friendly this the Crohn’s in Children Research Association (CICRA). summer in the build-up to I’ve given myself until June 30 to reach my goal the most important season weight...and am delighted to say that the CICRA fund either club has ever faced. now stands at more than £600. If you’d like to donate, Problem is he hasn’t go to www.justgiving.com/donna-gee replied...

Winners can be twinners in footy link-up

DUMPY OLD GRAN’S SPONSORED SLIM

It’s time for a plateau (no, not a gateau)

7.1 kilos

(1st 2lb)

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preferable to the straightlaced boring ‘labels’ you see in other expat weeklies?

If the answer is the latter, then I could save myself a lot

of time and effort by forgetting everything I learnt in Fleet Street!

Clearly there are times when headline writers need to be serious…or at least circumspect.

The Tina Richmond story was an example and I did a lot of soul searching before settling for the ‘Pad News, Good News’ line.

Fortunately, I had interviewed Tina myself, so I had an insight into a very brave and positive lady, who spoke openly about her incurable cancer.

My instincts proved right because I checked with her this week and she had absolutely no problem with the headline. Indeed, she thought it summed up the

story very well.

Not having met Tina, I appreciate that Mr Dowling had only the text of the story on which to pass judgement.

And that he will not be the only reader to feel the headline was ‘over the top’. If my headlines offend anyone, that is not the intention. I just want to make The Courier cheery rather than dreary.

And I want to live up to (or down to) the epitaph an esteemed former colleague said should be splashed across my grave: ”IT WAS PUN WHILE IT LASTED’’.

Since I have no immediate plans to activate my Golden Leaves funeral plan, feel free to join the headline debate.

Send your emails to donna@thecourier.es

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Friday, March 15, 2013

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Friday, March 15, 2013

EVERYBODY OUT!

A BLOKE I know once did a very silly thing at work.

Fed up and itching to ease his boredom, he unscrewed the cover off the ventilation grill in his office, stuck his mouth up close to the opening and yelled: 'Help! I am a workman who has been trapped inside here for days.'

The phantom and indeed phony cry for assistance echoed throughout the building, causing profound consternation among the hundreds of people who worked there. The prankster must have felt his piece of tomfoolery hilariously funny.

However, the hastily-summoned emergency services failed to see the joke.

The building was evacuated to facilitate the search for the presumed unfortunate chap who was caught in the bowels of the office block.

And it took hours before the fire service crews and police declared the area free of anyone in distress inside the ventilation system.

'You're home early,' com-

mented Mrs S as I crossed my domestic threshold.

'You're not gonna believe this,' I said, 'But some foolish fellow caused chaos at work.'

I explained what had happened and Mrs S said: 'That bears all the hallmarks of one of your so-called jolly japes. I recognise the mindset. It was YOU, wasn't it?'

'What!' I thundered incredulously. 'I might have a slightly strange sense of humour but I can assure you that I would never, ever stoop to such a ridiculous and potentially dangerous caper. My goodness, people could have been trampled if anyone had panicked while evacuating the building.'

That night I dreamt of a distant future when a demolition gang had discovered a skeleton deep inside my condemned crumbling workplace. Amid the detritus was a scrawled note which read: 'I am doomed and I make no bones about it.'

'Why on earth would I dream that?' I asked my fel-

low members of the pub discussion group the following day.

'Guilty conscience?' suggested Dave the barman.

'But why would I feel guilty?' I countered.

'Because YOU were the prattish prankster who shouted into the ventilation shaft,' Dave stated coldly, pointing an accusing finger at me.

'I confess,' I confessed. 'It seemed a good idea at the time because I was fed up and bored but I now realise I crossed the line. It probably has something to do with my

dysfunctional upbringing.'

'There he goes,' tutted Ol'Red Eyes. 'It is so fashionable these days to blame one's parents for one's own irresponsible behaviour. It's a cop-out, I tell you.'

All of us who were clustered around the bar felt thrilled that Ol' Red Eyes was actually contributing to the conversation. He was usually a non-participant in our discussions because of his propensity for sleeping all the time.

'Could you expand on what you just said?' Dave the bar-

man asked Ol' Red Eyes.

'We're all ears.'

'Bog off!' came the reply.

'It's time for my afternoon nap.' And he yawned and stretched on his stool, settled his slumped head onto his crossed arms on the bar top and sank into immediate stupor.

The trouble with Ol' Red Eyes' afternoon naps was that they tended to start in the morning and last well into the evening.

'Talking of parents,' Daft Barry suddenly announced, 'I shall always remember something my old mother used to say to me -- words of warmth and well-being which I have never forgotten.'

Daft Barry's eyes turned bloodshot with tears but not as red as Ol' Red Eyes' peepers.

'So what did your mother used to say?' we pub pals chorused, hardly able to contain our curiosity .

Daft Barry sniffed with nostalgia. 'My mum used to yell from the kitchen: "Sit down,

Barry, your tea's ready!"'

There was a puzzled silence followed by an anticlimactic groan and then Dave the barman blurted: 'What the hell does your mother's mealtime pronouncement have to do with what we're talking about?'

Daft Barry shrugged.

'Nothing much. But I sure did enjoy my vittles when I was a lad. My favourite was chips smothered in shrimp and garlic sauce with a side dish of salt-and-vinegar crisps and mushy peas all mashed up together with lashings of Marmite. But then again I liked spicy food, too.'

I climbed off my bar stool and reached for my coat.

'Enough of Daft Barry and Come Dine With Me. I'm going home.

'But I'll tell you all something. Whatever rubbish I shouted through the ventilation grill at work, it was no worse than the garbage that passed through the serving hatch at Daft Barry's house.'

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Friday, March 15, 2013

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH LESSON 62 ¡hola! Espero que habeís disfrutado aprendiendo español conmigo, vamos a aprender más y más y al final vais a estar hablando y entendiendo muy bien.

Last week we learnt the past perfect tense, so we are now quite confident in having a conversation about things that have or had happened.

Before we go on, here are the answers to last week’s translations; make sure you have answered tham all correctly, and any you may have made a mistake on check where the mistake is and ensure you are aware of why you have made the mistake. As ever, if you have any questions I can be contacted via The Courier.

We had practised for four hours before the concert – habíamos practicado (por) cuatro horas antes del concierto, he hadn´t received an invitation – él no había recibido una invitación, she has opened the door – ella ha abierto la puerta, you have told a lie – has dicho una mentira, he hadn´t washed his hair in three weeks – él no se había lavado el pelo en tres semanas, what had you done in order to help them? (to help them – para ayudarlos) - ¿qué habías hecho para ayudarlos?, where have you put the car? ¿dónde has puesto el coche?, I had seen Batman before seeing (antes de ver) Lincoln – yo había visto Batman antes de ver Lincoln, the books had fallen from the shelf – Los libros se habían caído del estante , we had returned from the shop before 5 o´clock – habíamos vuelto de la tienda antes de las cinco, I have heard the news on the radio – he oído las noticias en la radio, He hasn´t been with me – no ha estado conmigo, she hadn´t drunk the milk – no había bebido la leche, I have worked all year – he trabajado todo el año.

I hope you got all those correct; there were a few tricky ones in there and I hope if you got them wrong you know why.

These tenses are so useful as they are the easiest past tense, and as such I will leave the other past tenses for some

time, as more often than not, and certainly as a non native speaker you will be able to get away with the present perfect and past perfect in most situations.

This week we are going to learn the tense that in English we say ´will´ I will go to the shop later, I will try this coat on, you won´t have time to go. It is called the future tense for obvious reasons!

I normally teach the future tense next because again it is quite a simple one to master and a great one to use. Please remember your pronounciation throughout, these are not English words and as such are pronounced differently to what you are used to. The most important thing to bear in mind (tener en cuenta) is the e sound at the end of Spanish words is pronounced as the English letter A or the ay in day.

So how to we conjugate verbs in this tense?

We start with the infinitive of the verb; for this example I will use comer then we add the following yo – é, tú – ás, él/ella – á, nosotros – emos, vosotros – éis, ellos/ellas – án yo comeré, tú comerás, él/ella comerá, nosotros comeremos, vosotros comeréis, ellos/ellas comerán

yo había visto Batman antes de ver Lincoln

As you can see it is very easy as long as you know the verb you wish to use. That is why it´s always a good idea to regularly revise your verbs, and these endings are the same regardless of the infinitive verb ending.

Of course there are irregular verbs in this tense and as ever these need to be learnt on their own.

Some of the most common irregular verbs are as follows; note that the ending will remain the same as above, it is the stem (the start of the word) that changes and I have grouped them according to how they change. Because the endings are as above and the stem changes in each case I have only given the yo form, except for the first one (caber) which I have conjugated in all forms: Caber (to fit) - yo cabré, tú cabrás, él/ella cabrá, nosotros cabremos, vosotros cabréis, ellos/ ellas cabrán Haber – (to have) yo habré, poder (to be able to) yo podré, querer (to want) yo querré, Saber (to know) yo sabré, Poner (to put) yo pondré, salir (to leave) yo saldré, tener (to have) yo tendré, valer (to be worth) yo valdré, venir (to come) yo vendré, decir (to say or tell) yo diré, hacer (to make/ to do) yo haré In order to say ‘I will come to your party tomorrow’, you would say vendré a tu fiesta mañana. He will leave next week is: Él saldrá la semana que viene. We will be able to do it is: podremos hacerlo.

I hope this is making sense, it is quite simple once you get used to it but as ever practise makes perfect!

And as ever here is some homework to check your knowledge; translate the following into Spanish: What will be will be, My dad will be famous, I will go to the shop later, Next winter I will go to Hawaii, She will watch the next episode tomorrow, In November my grandchildren will come to visit me, The furniture doesn´t fit in the living room, On Thursday Juan will compete in England, When will he be here? We will be able to travel to Disneyland, Will you be able to eat a burger? He won´t be able to go to the party on Friday.

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Friday, March 15, 2013

HOW COULD YOU?

WHEN I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh.

You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend.

Whenever I was bad, you’d shake your finger at me and ask, “ How could you?” But then you’d relent and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together.

I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.

We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because ice cream is bad for dogs, you said).

I took long naps in the sun, waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career and more time searching for a human mate.

I waited for you patiently, comforted you through the heartbreaks and disappointments.

I never chided you about bad decisions and romped with glee at your homecomings and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a “dog person” - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection and obeyed her.

I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement.

I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled and I wanted to mother them, too.

Only she and you were worried that I might hurt them and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate.

Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a prisoner of love.

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs.

They poked fingers in my

eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose.

I loved everything about them and their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent and I would have defended them with my life if need be.

I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me.

These past few years, you just answered ‘yes’ and changed the subject.

I had gone from being ‘your dog’ to ‘just a dog’ and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now you have a new career opportunity in another city and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets.

You’ve made the right decision for your ‘family’, but there was a time I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter.

It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness.

You filled out the paperwork and said, “I know you will find a good home for

her”..

They shrugged and gave you a painful look. They understand the realities facing a middle aged dog.

You had to pry your son’s fingers loose from my collar, as he screamed “No, Daddy!

“Please don’t let them take my dog!”

And I worried for him and what lessons you had just taught him.

About friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility and about respect for all life.

You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you.

You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too.

After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home.

They shook their heads and asked, “How could you?”

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow.

They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago.

At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you, that you had changed your

mind - that this was all a bad dream - or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realised I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious of their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.

I heard footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day and I padded along the isle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room.

She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief.

The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As it is my nature, I was more concerned about her.

The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg, as a tear ran down her cheek.

I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago.

She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein, as I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body.

I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured “How could you?”

Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said, “Im so sorry.”

She hugged me and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn’t be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself.

A place of love and light, so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my “How could you?” was not directed at her. It was you, my beloved Master, I was thinking of.

I will think of you and wait for you forever.

Author: JIM WILLIS.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Losing your marbles?

Let a Pro take Care!

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LÍNEA DIRECTA REPORTS ON DRIVING IN WINTER

Línea Directa is one of the key players in the fight to reduce the number of accidents on our roads. For almost 20 years, it has promoted research into accident rates in order to encourage safe driving habits. Due to the risks involved with driving in winter months, it now offers advice on how to act in adverse weather conditions.

With respect to the car: 1.Check your car, especially the mechanical components. Pay attention to brakes, lights, windscreen wipers and brake fluid, antifreeze and oil levels.

2. Don’t forget to check the condition of your tyres including the spare wheel, checking pressure, tread and the grooves of each tyre, which must have a minimum depth of 1.6mm.

Mike Butler, who owns Simply Pro Floor Care, has been in the cleaning business for over 30 years. From 1997 till 2008, he concentrated on floor maintenance and carpet cleaning in the south of England - and for the last five years he has specialised in marble care in Spain.

After attending several stone restoration courses in London, he sold a very successful cleaning business in Hastings and moved to Spain to concentrate on stone floor care.

There is very little Mike doesn't know when it comes to the cleaning industry and in the last few years his passion for stone restoration and marble polishing has grown as he has worked all over

3. Always take a reflective jacket, two warning triangles and a torch with you. Also ensure that your mobile is charged in case you need to use it in an emergency.

With respect to driving: 1. If you often drive in snow, consider buying winter tyres. In any case, avoid any sudden movements and, as a general rule, do not overtake. Take special care with snow which has turned into ice and always drive at low speeds.

2. If it is foggy or raining, adapt your speed and distance from the vehicle ahead to the weather conditions. Do not brake suddenly to avoid skidding.

the Murcia region and along the Costa Blanca and Costa Calida.

Mike’s main work is polishing and repairing dull and damaged marble floors but he also renovates stone stairs, fire places, furniture, bathroom tops and kitchen work tops.

He is very happy to come out and give you a no obligation quote and a demonstration to show you how good your marble can look. If you need any work done or would just like to talk to a professional, please call him on 691649515 Day 966721331 – Evenings.

3. Aim the vehicle’s heating system at the windows to prevent them from fogging up as a result of humidity.

4. When overtaking, reaching crossroads, leaving tunnels and in open spaces, be careful with any sudden gusts of wind, which might lead to a loss of steering and the vehicle overturning.

Call now for more information on 902 123 104

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Friday, March 15, 2013

WE ALL NEED A FRIEND IT has recently been International Women’s Day. I´m not really sure what that means to us of the feminine gender; however, there were notices all over the Internet proclaiming the day for females everywhere.

Alongside were pieces about how women in Spain are still paid less than males both in work and pensions, and how there are numerous fundraisers for victims of domestic violence, and I began to recall my ordeal.

Anyone who has been the victim of a controlling, selfobsessed man cannot forget easily the torment their life once was, the roller coaster of emotions, the sheer terror of not knowing what mood their partner would be in, or what word she was going to say that would push him once more over the edge and leave her cowering and fearing for her safety.

Those memories are hard to push aside and almost impossible to forget.

Around a year ago I wrote in this paper about my experience of domestic violence. This week I am not going to repeat my story; however, I do feel with certain subjects that repetition isn´t a bad thing. Domestic violence is one such issue and as women are still being murdered and assaulted daily by family members, I felt the need to cover again some issues around domestic violence.

Being the victim of violence isn´t always easy to confess, but hopefully it is becoming more acceptable to admit to and there is a vast amount of help for women who find themselves in abusive relationships. I say women because the vast majority of the people on the receiving end of the abuse are female - but anything I write goes equally for men, too.

It can be very difficult for a woman to call the police on her husband or partner. Many times the man has gained complete control over her to such a degree that she is either too

day that friend or neighbour ended up in hospital or worse, how would your ´I´m not getting involved´ attitude make you feel?

None of us like to feel we are taking sides when we are friendly with both partners. It might seem a bit like betrayal to call the police, but I question what sort of friend knows about abuse and does nothing?

Abuse can take many forms, from name calling and nasty spiteful comments to physical harm. None of it should be tolerated from anyone and if you don´t want to be on your own, there is always someone better out there. Someone worth the love you have to give, someone who will treat you like the person you are and the way you deserve to be treated, and even if you don´t find them straight away, trust me, frightened or has come to accept the situation. The man is being on your own is a whole heap better than being with an always so sorry afterwards and the female convinces herself abusive partner.

I still, even now, get flashbacks to some of the things that that he really does love her and after all, as she´s been told happened. I consider myself a strong person, as a police so many times before, who else would have her? officer in London for 12 years I thought I´d seen it all, but When the relationship gets to this point it may be up to you nothing prepares you for first-hand experience of domestic as a friend, a neighbour or an acquaintance to get involved. violence, and nothing can erase those memories, but I am The British way has always been to turn your face and not just grateful that I am around to have the memories. concern oneself, but had it not been for a neighbour hearing I am thankful that I made it through, I am here for my son my screams and calling the police on my last attack who and we are building a family unit together. I am content on knows where I might be now? my own until one day I may meet someone I am prepared to I am eternally grateful for that person, I could not make the share my home with. Until that day me and my little man will call because I was on the floor of my balcony and my phone continue to be survivors, and anyone out there going was in the bedroom. However, because of that neighbour through problems can be, too. my ex was taken away and once again I could rest peacefulThere is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Ask for ly, for the night at least. help, and if you´re a friend or neighbour and suspect domesThe feeling of not wanting to get involved can only go so tic violence, act now before it´s too late. The worst that can far. Ask yourself in all seriousness, if you knew a friend or happen is that you´re wrong. What´s the worst that could neighbour was being abused and you did nothing, then one happen if you don´t speak out?

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Friday, March 15, 2013

WAS Home Secretary Theresa May making a pitch for the PM’s job at the weekend?

She unveiled something that seemed like a wideranging manifesto in front of Tory loyalists, which went far beyond her Home Office brief. She talked about security, freedom, and opportunity, which played well to an audience who lapped it all up like a happy sea lion gobbling a fish.

Most dangerously of all, she pledged her total support for David Cameron, which seems as risky as somebody trying to steal her

CAM’S MAY DAY ALERT fashion-shoe collection.

Nobody gave the last lady who tried to win the party leadership a chance back in 1975, but it was Ted Heath who was left embarrassed b y Margaret Thatcher.

I suspect Mrs May is already doing a number-count of supporters, should electoral Armageddon hit the Tories in 2015, unless she feels she could pull off a coup before

then. Those May stilettos may yet cause a lot of damage!

The deceased Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, wasn’t all bad. He likened George W. Bush to a donkey and said he was the devil. He also reduced poverty by almost half, and that’s according to figures from the United Nations.

He also chose to stand up to America and other countries, rather than be a puppet. That spirit of independence should be admired and remembered, but why, if he was so popular, would he try to control the courts, the administrators and all of the Venezuelan media?

As his embalmed body is

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set to be put on permanent display, I’d hope that the ordinary folk of the country will ask why Chavez and his goons were festooning themselves on all the oil riches pouring from their wells and drill-sites, whilst indulging in corrupt practices akin to a banana republic? .

The sleepy Lincolnshire town of Grantham once laid claim to being voted the most boring place in Britain, but something has stirred since then.

It’s all to do with Grantham’s most famous past resident, a certain Margaret Thatcher.

In a wonderful piece of political irony, the Tory controlled local council has said ‘no’ to a statue commemo-

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rating the Iron Lady, saying that she didn’t want one.

Enter the Labour opposition, who say they want a statue, and that it would boost local tourism. I’m not sure how they’ve worked that one out, unless they have visions of countless thousands arriving in the town, ready for a bit of sporting decapitation.

The Grantham Community Heritage Association has since announced that they are going to raise £200,000 to have one placed in the local museum, presumably behind bulletproof glass!

I hate to agree with them, but the Argentinian government was right in its cynicism over

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the Falkland Islands referendum vote. Before this week‘s pointless plebiscite, the Kirchner government said it was a pure PR exercise, and you could not deviate from that view.

Even the penguins would have voted to stay under British control, along with the 3,000 or so human inhabitants of the South Atlantic colony.

So, where do we go from here? Absolutely nowhere and perhaps Ms.Kirchner should now focus on telling the truth about the rotten state of her country’s economy, rather than telling lies to the IMF about their inflation and growth rates?

I don’t know whether or not, by the time you read this, the Conclave of Cardinals will have a chosen the new Pope in their secret cabal at the Vatican. But isn’t time that this daft ritual with white smoke and black smoke was banished to the historical dustbin, with greater public accountability in choosing one of the most important world figures?

And don’t worry, I’m not advocating a Simon Cowellproduced telly-voting show, with Ant and Dec presenting!

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Friday, March 15, 2013

ST PATRICK’S DAY GOODIES FRUIT AND SPICE SODA BREAD Ingredients

100g rolled porridge oats 25g butter, diced 200g plain flour 200g plain wholemeal flour, plus extra for dusting 100g caster sugar 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda 1½ tsp mixed spice 50g raisins 50g sultanas 50g stoned dates, finely chopped 3 tbsp mixed peel 450ml buttermilk 3-4 tbsp demerara sugar

Method

1. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Whizz the porridge oats and butter together in a food processor, or rub the butter into the oats with your fingertips in a big bowl. Stir in the flours, caster sugar, bicarb, mixed spice, 1 tsp salt, the raisins, sultanas, dates and mixed peel.

2. Pour over the buttermilk and quickly stir in with a roundbladed knife. Tip out onto a flour-dusted surface and gently bring together into a ball with your hands. Transfer to a flourdusted baking sheet and scatter over the demerara sugar, pressing it into the top. Use a sharp, flour-dusted knife to cut a big cross in the top and bake for 30-35 mins until crusty on the outside. Eat warm or cold, thickly sliced, with butter.

MUSSELS STEAMED WITH CIDER AND BACON Ingredients Small knob butter 6 rashers bacon, chopped, or a 140g piece, cut into small

cubes 2 shallots, finely sliced small bunch thyme, leaves stripped 1½kg small mussels, scrubbed and bearded glass of cider, about 150 ml 2 tbsp crème fraîche (optional)

Method 1. PREPARATION: Raw mussels MUST be alive when you cook them, so careful preparation is key.

Wash them under cold running water until it runs clear, and scrub if necessary. Pull the 'beard' away from each individual mussel - this is the byssus thread, a protein the mussel 'spins' so it can attach itself to rock or rope. Drain and then check; if the shell is tightly shut, this is a good indication that it's alive. If the mussel is open, tap it sharply for a few seconds - if it is alive, it will close. Discard any that appear to be dead as they can decompose very rapidly, and eating one that you aren't sure of is not worth the risk. Don't check them too far in advance; cook within a few minutes to be on the safe side.

2. Heat the butter in a pan large enough to easily fit the mussels, then fry the bacon for 4 mins, turning occasionally until it starts becoming crisp. Throw in the shallots and thyme leaves, then cook for 1 min until softened. Whack the heat up to maximum and add the mussels to the pan, then pour over the cider. Place the lid on the pan, give it a good shake, then cook the mussels for 5-7 mins, shaking the pan occasionally, until all the mussels have opened. Discard any that haven't.

3. Use a slotted spoon to scoop the mussels into bowls and place the pan back on the heat. Bring the juices to the boil

and stir in the crème fraîche, if using. Pour the sauce over the mussels. Serve with hunks of crusty bread for mopping up the sauce.

IRISH STEW Ingredients 1 tbsp sunflower oil 200g smoked streaky bacon, preferably in one piece, skinned and cut into chunks 900g stewing lamb, cut into large chunks 5 medium onions, sliced 5 carrots, sliced into chunks 3 bay leaves small bunch thyme 100g pearl barley 850ml lamb stock 6 medium potatoes, cut into chunks small knob of butter 3 spring onions, finely sliced

Method

1. Heat oven to 160C/fan 140C/gas 3. Heat the oil in a flameproof casserole. Sizzle the bacon for 4 mins until crisp. Turn up the heat, then cook the lamb for 6 mins until brown. Remove the meats with a slotted spoon. Add the onions, carrots and herbs to the pan, then cook for about

Friday, March 15, 2013

5 mins until softened. Return the meat to the pan, stir in the pearl barley, pour over the stock, then bring to a simmer.

2. Sit the chunks of potato on top of the stew, cover, then braise in the oven, undisturbed, for about 1½ hrs until the potatoes are soft and the meat is tender. The stew can now be chilled and kept in the fridge for 2 days, then reheated in a low oven or on top of the stove. Remove from the oven, dot the potatoes with butter, scatter with the spring onions and serve scooped straight from the dish.

SMOKED HADDOCK AND CALCONNA Ingredients 2 smoked haddock fillets, preferably undyed about 140g/5oz each good splash milk 2 eggs 450g pack ready-made colcannon or other flavoured ready-made mashed potato handful chives, snipped

GINGERBREAD BUNDT CAKE Ingredients 150g unsalted butter, plus extra for the tin 100g golden syrup 75g dark treacle 175g dark muscovado sugar 175g dark chocolate 2 balls stem ginger, finely chopped 100ml Guinness or stout ½ tsp bicarbonate of soda 200g plain flour, plus a little extra for dusting the tin 1 tsp baking powder 3 tsp ground ginger 1 rounded tsp ground cinnamon ½ tsp ground allspice ½ tsp ground nutmeg 3 medium eggs, beaten 3 tbsp ginger preserve, sieved, or apricot jam 1 lemon, juiced 150g icing sugar, sifted

Method Method

1. Lay the haddock fillets in a shallow microwaveable dish and pour the milk over to half cover. Cover with cling film and microwave on High for 4-5 mins until the haddock flesh flakes easily. Meanwhile, get a pan of water on for the eggs.

2. Crack the eggs into the simmering water and poach for around 1-2 mins until the white is set, but the yolks are still soft. Remove the fish. Heat colcannon in the microwave according to pack instructions.

3. Mix half the chives into the colcannon, then spoon it between two plates. Top with the haddock and eggs and scatter with the remaining chives.

1. Heat the oven to 160C/140C/gas 3. Butter the inside of a 2 litre bundt tin and lightly dust the inside with plain flour, tipping out the excess.

2. Put the butter, golden syrup, treacle, brown sugar and chocolate into a pan. Heat to melt the butter and chocolate and dissolve the sugar. Add the stem ginger and Guinness, heat to hot but not boiling and mix well. Take off the heat, whisk in the bicarb (it will foam), and leave to cool slightly.

3. Sift the flour, baking powder and spices with a pinch of salt into a large bowl. Whisk the eggs and the cooled golden syrup mixture into the dry ingredients in three batches, mixing well until completely smooth. Pour the batter into the prepared tin. Tap on the work surface to release any large air bubbles and bake for about 45-50 minutes or until well risen and a wooden skewer inserted into the middle comes out

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clean.

4. Remove from the oven and rest in the tin for no more than 2 minutes, then turn out onto a cooling rack and cool completely. Wrap the cold cake in clingfilm and leave overnight or a couple of days before glazing to allow the spice flavours to develop.

5. To glaze, transfer the cake to a baking paper- covered baking sheet. Warm the ginger preserve (or apricot jam) in a small pan and use to brush over the surface of the cake.

Pour the lemon juice into a small pan and heat gently until just boiling. Add the icing sugar and stir until melted and smooth. Leave the lemon icing to cool for 2-3 minutes then brush all over the surface of the cake in an even layer. Slide the cake back into an oven heated to 160C/fan 140C/gas 3 for 5 minutes until the glaze has become translucent. Leave until the icing has set before serving.

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Friday, March 15, 2013

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Mary had installed Avast and it was asking her ADVICE: Al was having problems connecting his Sony camcorder to his new laptop awkward questions about her Windows Live Mail

Q

Dear Richard, I have just downloaded Avast security system, after which I opened up my Gmail account.

A message appeared from Avast stating …

“Avast has detected a secure connection from your mail program (process wlmail.exe) to the IMAP server 173.194.67.109 (gmail.com) This type of connection cannot be checked for viruses.

Please disable SSL/TLS in your mail client so that the Mail Scanner can scan your mail. The mail scanner will provide the SSL/TLS security itself”.

On the Windows Live email page I went into Accounts / Properties / Advanced: there are two options there and I do not know which one to remove the tick from. Am I in the correct section and what do I have to do please? Your advice would be appreciated. Mary

Hi Richard, I have had a Sony camcorder model DCR-HC24E for about 3 years. Last year I bought a HP laptop modelG72. When I connect the camcorder to laptop with a USB I am unable to transfer my videos. I have downloaded Sony update drivers but I get a message either NO DEVICE FOUND or CONNECT WITH I-LINK CABLE I do not have a i-link cable (is this a firewire?) and there is no input socket on the laptop for one. I have tried on windows movie maker, Sony movies and a couple of other sites but had no joy. Please can help you me. Thanks Al

A

Hi. Hoping you can help me I have a Toshiba Laptop with Bluetooth I cannot get it to recognise my phone or if it does my phone doesn't recognise the computer I have tried with Dongle that says it works with Vista plus another one that includes a Disc, but I just cannot get Photos from my Phones to the Computer. Hoping you can help. Thanks in anticipation. Regards Ray

Q

Hi Mary, your antivirus is telling you that it cannot scan your emails for virus’s because they are being received in an encrypted form, its asking that you set up those accounts within its software so that it can act as a “middleman” and receive your emails, check them and then send them onto your email client (Windows Live Mail), you can do this by using the options in Avast below…

RealTimeShields > MailShield > Expert settings > SSL accounts …however bear in mind that this can be quite a complex task and want to book an appointment for me to come and have a look at it for you if you struggle.

FIXED: James wanted to know how to recover his Terra.es password

Q A

Hi Al, I’m afraid you are going to struggle with this one, your camera is quite old (in technology terms) and the port that you really need (firewire or IEEE 1394 to give it its other name) is not standard on your laptop. If you have an expansion slot on your laptop then you should be able to purchase a card to give you this functionality (but I would need to see your laptop to confirm whether this can be done – perhaps drop it down to the Moncayo market where we have a stand every Saturday?)

There are no drivers (software written by Sony) for your specific camera for Windows 7, but if we can get the camera connected using firewire then we should be able to use Windows Movie Maker to get the data from your camera and onto your laptop.

A

ADVICE: Ray was having trouble getting the pictures from his BlueTooth enabled mobile phone.

Q A

Hi Ray, it “sounds” like you are missing the software that is specific to your phone?

I.e. Nokia PC Suite for a Nokia phone? Have you “paired” your phone and your “blutoothed” PC already? If you have then do a search on your phones manufacturers website for your phone’s computer software and you should be home and dry.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi Richard, can you help with a problem? How can I find out my terra.es password Thanks, James.

Hi James, in order to recover your Terra email password you need to go here…

https://registro.terra.es/modificaciones/ModPub/olvPassword/PRCOlvidoPassword.jsp …and complete the form, they will take you through a process to recover your password.

Update: Bingo! It worked thanks.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, March 15, 2013

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Friday, March 15, 2013

BODY PIERCING: THE Accessories Ace NEEDLING POINTS RECENTLY we have had several enquiries about body piercing and what people should be aware of with these procedures as there are so many scare stories about what can go wrong.

The first piece of advice we give is to make sure that the person offering to do the procedure is in fact qualified as a piercer.

Quite often tattoo artists offer piercing and this is fine provided they have the dual qualification.

We find in practice that insurance for body piercing is quite difficult to obtain as a stand alone procedure so it may be that your body piercer is insured for a variety of other medical procedures.

Always ensure that the establishment offering piercing is legal and has a proper opening licence. It is essential to also ask how the instruments are sterilised. They should either be brought in pre-sterilised, in which case they will be in a sealed sterilised packet for single use only, or the piercer may have an autoclave in which they sterilise instruments as they are needed either is acceptable.

All clients prior to having any piercing

done should be asked to complete a medical questionnaire asking about medications taken and illnesses the client may suffer from. It is essential that clients read the questionnaire and are not just asked to sign. .A consent form should also be signed. An aftercare sheet should also be given prior to the piercing as some of the questions the client is asked refer to this aftercare sheet.

Children under 18 must always have their parents with them and they should also be asked to complete the parental section of the consent form. It is always a good idea to ask the parent to bring a copy of their passport with them.

The recommendation for which metals to use is either gold or titanium.

Aftercare of piercings is vital and good practice is to give the client an aftercare pack as part of the procedure.

I would not recommend that piercing of navel is done in the hot weather as it is far more likely to become infected.

If you would like any further information please contact Medaesthetics on 965 326 082

Transform your outfit and change your look by just changing your accessories – the fun, simple and not to mention cheapest way to change your look.

Ever looked in your wardrobe and thought that your clothes were bland and boring? Or are you just plain old tired of wearing the same, plain old thing?

Accessories are the spice of life – well, at least in terms of your wardrobe. Just like you can make a meal taste good, you can really transform the same meal into gourmet dinner by adding magnificent flavours and making it not only taste, but look amazing with garnish and decorative ideas.

So, why not do the same for your dress sense?

Tip # 1: The perfect piece Whenever you are out shopping, keep an eye out in the accessories section. Here you are bound to find a fabulous little number that can make a huge difference to your wardrobe, without impacting your wallet.

We're talking belts, buttons, buckles, jewels, hats and handbags.

Tip # 2: Colour code So you love your black numbers and your simple outfits? No problem, glam them up with some funky, chunky accessories, that make a huge statement. Just picture a plain black, V-neck jersey worn with a pair of jeans. What do you get? You get a plain and simple outfit. Now, keep that image and add some bright funky orange beads, a lovely brown corduroy hat and an orange and brown striped scarf and you've instantly glammed up the outfit.

Tip # 3: Be a bag lady Bags are absolutely fabulous and in addition to holding your life, bags can make or break an outfit. Neutral coloured bags tend to go with just about any outfit. But, if you are wearing a simple outfit, glam it up a bit with a funky bag that adds some spice to your outfit.

ESSENTIAL NUTRIENTS AND DIETARY SOURCES -2 Nutrients that are described as ‘essential’ are only available to the body when we eat. This is in contrast to non-essential nutrients such as cholesterol which the body produces on its own. All vitamins with the exception of vitamin D and biotin are described as essential. Vitamin D is produced by skin cells following exposure to sunlight, while biotin is produced by the bacteria in the gut. The remaining 13 vitamins are all essential. These essential vitamins are either water sol-

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to machimannu@gmail.com

uble – eliminated from the body through urine, or fat soluble – stored in the fat cells of the body. Fat soluble vitamins require some fat before they can be adequately absorbed. Vitamin A is a fat soluble vitamin and plays a vital role in the normal functioning of the eyes, the immune system, growth and development, and maintaining a healthy skin. One of the most important conse-

quences of vitamin A deficiency is reduced immune system which exposes the body to all kinds of infections. Vitamin A is present in food in two forms. In foods of animal origin it is present as retinol, and is easily absorbed into the body, while in foods from plants, it is known as beta-cartotene, and is not so easily absorbed into the body.

Excellent food sources of

Vitamin A include; liver, kidney, butter, egg yolk, milk, cod liver oil, dark leafy vegetables (spinach, squash, carrots, sweet potatoes), and yellow fruits (apricots and peaches). Vitamin B2 (riboflavin) is required to process proteins, and to activate other B group vitamins.

Vitamin B2 deficiency causes inflammation of the tongue and lips, as well as dryness and cracking of the lips and corners of the mouth. The best food sources are liver, milk, and other dairy products. Vitamin B 6 is involved in the transmission of signals from the nerves and brain.

Consequently its deficiency causes sleeplessness, irritability, depression, convulsions, and abnormal nerve sensations. Vitamin B6 is found in yeast, organ meat, legumes, and bananas.

Vitamin B 12 and folic acid are involved in the formation of proteins and genetic material. Animals acquire vitamin B12 from microorganisms, and so meat eaters are unlikely to have a deficiency. Vegetarians can obtain most of their B12 from

microbial contamination of food, however with increased hygienic practises, vitamin B12 deficiency occurs more commonly.

Vitamin D plays the important role of maintaining blood levels of calcium, which it accomplishes by increasing calcium absorption from food and its loss from urine.

Both effects keep calcium in the body, thereby sparing calcium that is stored in bones. Since vitamin D regulates calcium, its deficiency causes rickets in children and osteomalacia in adults, both of which are bone disorders. Vitamin D is produced in the body when the skin is exposed to sunlight, and is also found in foods such as butter, egg yolks, cream and liver. People mainly dependent on dietary vitamin D which is fat soluble may be deficient since poor absorption of vitamin D can occur

because of poor fat absorption. In addition, before vitamin D can be fully active after absorption, it must be further processed in the liver and kidney which means that disorders of these organs can lead to vitamin D deficiency. Vitamin E originates from plants and is found in vegetable oils from olives, palm, peanuts and cotton seeds. It has an important function as an antioxidant, and as such prevents oxidative damage linked to Alzheimer’s disease, heart disease, and diabetes. Excellent sources of vitamin E include: leafy greens, sprouts, avocados, nuts and whole grains.

Eating foods from varied sources is the best way to stay nutritionally healthy.

For A Diagnostic 965071745

Full Body Scan, Call

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Long-term diabetes leaves me numb Q

I have had diabetes for 17 years, and my sugar levels have been well controlled with metformin. Lately I have been having slight numbness of my hands and pain. I understand that these symptoms may be because I have suffered from diabetes for a long time. Is there a supplement I can take to avoid the long-term effects of diabetes?

A

The long-term complications you refer to are less common in people with well-controlled blood sugar levels.

Complications of diabetes mainly occur when tiny blood vessels become damaged by toxic free radicals. These injuries can occur in any blood vessel, but are more common in very small blood vessels found in the retina (eye) and kidneys. When nerve tissue becomes damaged in the same process, the condition is known as diabetic neuropathy, and symptoms of this condition include decreased and abnormal sensations in the hands and feet. Diabetic neuropathy progresses rapidly when there are associated health and social problems such as elevated cholesterol, high blood pressure, obesity, smoking and lack of exercise. The damage to nerves occurs when sugar reacts with other substances in the body such as proteins and fats to produce harmful free radicals. These free radicals once formed are capable of dis-

rupting the functions and structures of cells and tissues. This in turn produces more free radicals that cause more disruptions and damage in a vicious cycle. Free radicals can be effectively neutralized by nutrient substances known as anti-oxidants. Rlipoic Acid is a powerful anti-oxidant supplement that has been clinically demonstrated to prevent the long-term complications associated with diabetes. It is unique among anti-oxidants because it is soluble in water and fat, making it able to reach all areas of the body. This is unlike other antioxidants that are only water soluble and unable to penetrate the fatty tissues of the body. R-lipoic acid protects against diabetes through a number of processes that include; scavenging or mopping up free radicals in the body, binding or chelating free metals like aluminium that cause injury, and re-cycling other anti-oxidants such as vitamin C and glutathione. In experimental and clinical studies, R-lipoic acid significantly reduced the symptoms of diabetic complications such as cataract formation, blood vessel damage, as well as damage to nerve tissue. R-Lipoic acid is available without prescriptions, and should not be confused with other forms of lipoic acid such as Alpha lipoic acid.

Q

I am very active person, but have had chronic back pain for many years. I have been to many therapists,

and have tried many types of pain killers, but nothing seems to work. Many times I have ended up with side-effects from some of the medications. I will appreciate any advice you can give on managing and treating back pain.

A

Back pain is a very common health problem, and those most likely to suffer include people with jobs that involve heavy lifting or carrying, those that spend long periods of time sitting in one position or bending awkwardly. However it can be caused by almost any kind of physical activity such as housework and gardening.

Being over-weight or smoking can also increase the risk of developing back pain, or worsening an already existing back pain.

A study involving people with herniated discs found that both current and ex-smokers are at much higher risk of developing disc disease than non-smokers. Other research studies reveal that non-smokers are less likely to suffer from disc degeneration of the lower spine than smokers.

Smoking is thought to cause anti-oxidant depletion and malnutrition of spinal discs, which in turn makes them more vulnerable to mechanical stress. Those that are finding it difficult to quit smoking should consider taking vitamin C supplements especially the slow release kind, as it has been shown to offer some form of protection against disc degeneration. Back pain commonly affects the lower lumbar region of the

spine due to excessive strain on the bones, muscles and ligaments of that area. In addition to the discomfort from the damaged tissues, the surrounding muscles may also go into spasm, causing pain over a larger area. More severe back pain will occur if the soft, jelly-like centre of an intervertebral disc (spinal column bone) ruptures through its outer coating – a condition popularly known as a slipped disc. The ruptured disc may press on the root of a nerve to cause muscle weakness, pins and needles and pain. When the sciatic nerve is affected, the resulting pain that shoots down the leg is known as sciatica. Therapeutic exercises help alleviate back pain, especially when they are performed under professional guidance.

Learning proper lifting techniques may also be helpful. Correct lifting methods involve keeping an object close to the body and avoiding bending forwarding, reaching, and twisting while lifting.

Supplements that contain bone-building nutrients also help alleviate back pain.

These include; magnesium, boron, manganese, vitamins C, D, and E. MSM (methylsuphonyl methane) is the naturally occurring form of sulphur in the body.

Supplementing with MSM is known to be helpful for many kinds of bone and joint problems. It may be recommended to take up to 5 grams of MSM twice daily before the effects can be felt.

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Friday, March 15, 2013

Market Commentary 15 March 2013

UK retail sales rise at their fastest rate since 2009 Welcome to your market analysis commentary from Currencies Direct where you can stay one step ahead of your friends on the latest news and reviews of the financial markets. Our aim is to provide you with an easily digestible weekly overview of how the financial market is performing using the expertise of our dealers who make it their sole aim to keep on top of the market movements.

STERLING

UK retail sales rose at their fastest rate since 2009 in February, as the improved weather enticed spenders back to the High Street. The British Retail Consortium (BRC) said like-for-like retail sales were up 2.7% on the previous year and attributed the result to demand for electrical goods on the High Street. The data will provide a welcome relief to retailers, following a run of disappointing figures for the UK leading to speculation of a triple dip recession. Sterling strengthened further as the Bank of England board member Spencer Dale said that ‘there is no plan’ to implement negative interest rates in the U.K. The Sterling rally did not last long and on Thursday the British Pound pared the advance as Bank of England Governor Mervyn King said that the results of the Funding for Lending Scheme ‘are disappointing’. The governor left interest rates and quantitative easing unchanged but there is speculation that an increase of Quantative Easing will be on tap in Q2.

EURO

The euro tries to shake off the hangover from the lingering Italian Election. The uncertain result in Italy continued to weaken the single currency and knock confidence. Tuesday, Eurozone Services PMI printed 47.9 in February, up slightly from a flash reading of 47.8. The headline PMI signalled deterioration in business conditions for the nineteenth successive month. January’s stagnation in German industrial production was also a further blow to hopes that the economy could recover strongly at the start of 2013. The ECB rate decision and following press conference took centre stage on Thursday and provided some boost to the EUR. The ECB decided to keep interest rates fixed at 0.75 percent and bank President Mario Draghi gave investors confidence with his optimistic statements at the press conference. Draghi claimed there were several signs that confidence in the region was being restored. He also gave the impression that the bank was not planning to intervene in the future.

US DOLLAR

Friday’s Non-Farm Payroll figure brought the focus on the US last week, which has been benefiting from its safe haven status as volatility from the problems raging in Italy and Spain and poor performance of Sterling continue to help the currency strengthen. The greenback regained its footing on Wednesday, with the Dow Jones-FXCM U.S. Dollar Index bouncing back from a low of 10,427.

The ADP employment report showed another 198K rise in private payrolls amid forecast for a 170K print which hints to an economic recovery gradually gathering pace. The bullish sentiment surrounding the greenback gathered pace after an extremely positive non-farm payroll reading. The US economy added a remarkable 236000 jobs which sent the dollar soaring as the reading beat even the most optimistic forecasts. The unemployment rate dropped from 7.9% to 7.7%, its lowest level since December 2008.

Information provided by Currencies Direct, leading providers of foreign exchange. Call to find out how we can help you get the best rates and save your transfer fees. Contact the La Zenia office on +34 965 994 830 or email costablanca@currenciesdirect.com.

The contents of this report are for information purposes only. It is not intended as a recommendation to trade or a solicitation for funds. Currencies Direct cannot be held responsible for any loss or damages arising from any action taken following consideration of this information.

It’s Strictly Come MAT’S GLOSS FINISH Trancing time!

Moto maestro Brit in podium start to title bid MURCIA’S British expat Supermoto racer Mat FordDunn came away with a superb rostrum finish in the first round of the Spanish Championship in Seville despite the testing conditions.

The Supermotoland race team had a busy week in the build-up to the race when Mat wrecked an engine in the final test before Seville and the team had to replace his race engine with a standard unit from his spare bike.

The Seville racetrack featured some long straights that put Mat at a disadvantage with a less powerful engine.

After heavy overnight rain the race organisers had no option Mat Ford-Dunn Preparing for the start at but to close the waterlogged Seville and in 3rd place on therostrum dirt section of the track and Mat will next be racing In Villena, near Sax, Alicante at the the weekend’s racing was run entirely on the asphalt race second round of the Spanish Supermoto championship on circuit.

With wet and changeable weather throughout the day’s April 14. He will be joined there by his younger brother racing , Mat made the most of the tricky conditions in his first Anthony, who will be competing in the first round of the SM race to come from fifth on the grid to finish a very close sec- Road championship.

The Supermotoland team and their Spanish and UK ond, just behind the leader on the final lap.

In the second of his two races, Mat was in third place, based sponsors, Advance Moves International removals, will heading for a repeat performance , until a minor crash saw be on hand to welcome anyone wishing to attend what promises to be a fantastic days racing. Further race reports, him drop back to finish sixth.

The combined results gave him a superb third overall and videos and information can be found at the team’s website www.supermotoland.com a podium position for the weekend’s racing.

THE Torrevieja Barbershop Harmonisers have organised an evening of Hypnotic Fun with Dennis Christian, at The Rosales Restaurante (on the Lemon Tree Road in Guardamar) on Saturday, April 6.

Dennis is perhaps better known in Spain as a top local radio DJ but back in England he was a professional Comedy Hypnotist.

Now, here on the Costa Blanca, he could make YOU the star of the show.

For only 10€, which includes a choice of Barbecue or Curry meal, you can enjoy two hours of fun and entertainment. As seating is limited it is strongly advised to book early, either at the restaurant or by reserving your tickets with Tony Wagstaff on 96 671 3342.

The Torrevieja Barbershop Harmonisers are a non profit making organisation and have raised almost €40,000 for local charities - and with your support will continue to do so.

Roar with the Lions!

The Torrevieja Costa Lions Club is alive and well and needs your help and support. Come along to the Cabo Cevera Hotel at La Mata on the second Thursday of any month. Meetings start at 17.00 and we can be found in the room at the end of the reception desk. Join the Lions as they try to raise money for charities and good causes. For more information call Dave on 617069064 or mail him on membership@torreviejacostalions.org

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IN FOR THE CULL A MILLION deer should be culled every year in Britain to stop them from devastating woodland, wildflowers and crops.

So says Dr Paul Dolman, from the University of East Anglia, who is calling on big landowners such as the National Trust, Wildlife Commission and Forestry Commission to organise mass culls.

He claims public perception needs to be shifted that deer are "wonderful, lovely animals, cuddly and sweet like Bambi" – and that a cull is needed to prevent a deer population explosion.

Well, Dr Dolman, I'm sure there are plenty of folk who think that if there's any culling going to be done it should start with the likes of you and the rest of the overpaid, trumped up university staff who are costing the country millions.

Let's consider which species is causing the most damage to woodland, wild flowers and crops. Could it possibly be humans whose non-stop breeding is currently causing a population explosion spiralling out of control?

Perhaps instead of culling a million defenceless deer, Britain should be looking to cull a million humans every year.

Now who should be culled first? People who make a fortune by exploiting the poor could rank highly on my list. Perhaps the owners of pay-day loan companies getting rich by charging interest rates of up to 1,500% APR. Then there are owners of insurance companies who conjure up all manner of small print clauses to wriggle out of paying claims.

Drug dealers, greedy politicians and bankers, murderers, rapists, illegal immigrants, benefit cheats, baby factories who make a living by giving birth to football teams just for the extra social benefits.

Well, that should take care of the first year or two in helping to save the planet!

THE CHURCH OF HYPOCRITES IT seems a week seldom goes by without yet another revelation of miserable, disgraceful sexual abuse carried out by the Roman Catholic clergy.

But it's made far worse by the despicable way the church leaders continued for years covering up the indiscretions.

The latest news concerns Scots bishops reportedly knowing of at least 20 allegations of abuse between 1985 and 1995.

But these were not mere indiscretions.

We're dealing with child rape, the most disgusting acts carried out by these damnable hypocrites and damaging people's lives in the process.

What I find hard to

What I find just as annoying are banks which draw you in with interest rates of a "whopping" 2% and after a year drop the rate to a mere .05% without notifying you of the reduction.

Yes, it was all explained when I deposited the money, but how many of us keep track on maturity dates that meticulously?

Wouldn't it be good if banks looked after their customers and automatically switched you to the best deal?

The government is requiring energy companies to do just that - so why not banks? It's about time customers were given just a bit more consideration.

AN AGE OF DIFFERENCE LIVE in Spain for a healthier life. That's the message from 20-year research into lifestyles in 18 countries.

Britain came a poor 12th in the league table, with an average of 68.6 years of healthy life, compared with Spain's 70.9 years. Life expectancy in Spain is 81.4 years compared with 79.9 years in the UK. UK life expectancy has risen by four years since 1990, but it's falling further behind some other countries, notably Spain and Greece.

It is the UK lifestyle which is causing most harm, say the experts. The big killers are heart disease, stroke, lung disease and liver disease.

Avoidable things like smoking, alcohol

believe is that the Roman Catholic church has anyone left prepared to believe anything any priest, bishop or cardinal utters from his lips.

At the very least, many people must have had their faith severely tested - why would a loving God do nothing as priests speaking in Jesus' name repeatedly attack young children?

But then, would a God stand by and watch hundreds of thousands of his chosen go to gas chambers in World War Two? All part of God's plan? I think not. After all, wasn't it God who was supposedly protecting his chosen on their flight to the Promised Land (Israel).

Why protect them 3,000-plus years ago and not in the 20th century?

There are so many unanswered questions about religion, but one truth I do know is that anyone who preaches it to others should lead as exemplary life as possible.

Raping children and lying about it when you are pretending to be a man of God, is the worst form of hypocrisy.

A MATTER OF INTEREST RECORD low interest rates over the past four years have resulted in ÂŁ100billion in lost money for savers. And don't retired expats know about it!

People who saved for their retirement and had a nest egg, found interest on the savings cut to virtually nothing.

It's been going since 2009 and there seems no likelihood in the foreseeable future of interest rates going up.

abuse and obesity are Britain's Achilles heels.

How often do you see Spaniards the worse for drink and how often do you see a grossly overweight Spanish person?

Yes, we know that living in sunny Spain is preferable to living in cold, damp Britain. But much of the UK lifestyle is really bad and can take years off your life.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT SELDOM does a day go by without someone discussing Britain's obesity problem and telling us that more and more of the population is overweight - sleepwalking to a national disaster.

More and more people are obsessed with eating, so why is it that almost every programme on UK TV these days is food related?

You cannot turn on the telly without seeing someone either preparing a dish, or stuffing their faces. Or they are featuring a restaurant or hotel that's failing because the menu/service or presentation is not up to scratch.

And in between the programmes? Yes, you've got it, adverts encouraging us to eat or drink - and it all gets worse as we approach Christmas and Easter.

How can we possibly wean the British public off excess eating and drinking if we're constantly exciting the palate with TV ads and programmes on food.

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Friday, March 15, 2013

TORRY’S SWIM STARS POOL THEIR SUCCESS IT was a busy weekend for members of Torrevieja Swimming Club as Infantil pair Piroska Rideg and Hakeem Teland splashed out in the fourth Winter Regional Championships at La Nucia and the Masters squad at the season’s third Regional Time Control in Elda.

The younger team members spent two days of competition against 36 regional clubs and against 257 swimmers. Piroska swam in four events in the 14 age group 100m backstroke, 100m butterfly, 100m freestyle and 200m medley – and gained new personal bests in all but the freestyle, finishing in 10th, seventh and sixth place respectively.

In the 16 age group, Teland, new to Spanish competitions as he previously swam in Norway, came fifth in his 50m

event with a new personal best of 26:49 and sixth in the 100m in 58:02.

Meanwhile, the Masters squad had some good swims in Elda with five new personal bests, five first places, two seconds, a fourth, fifth and a sixth place.

Beryl Altabas (65+) got PBs in the 50m butterfly and 100m freestyle, while Gillian McNeice (35+) and Vicki Connolly (45+ recorded new PBs in their 100m contests.

Adam Stewart had a fantastic swim in the 25+ 100 freestyle event, knocking more than four seconds off his previous best time.

For more information regarding Torrevieja Swimming Club please contact Rosa on 665454126 or President Felipe on 609418776 or e-mail info@clubnataciontorrevieja.com

Teresa’s tale of the unexpected

WHEN Teresa Sancho arrived at last week’s April meeting of Ladies Who Lunch, she thought she was there to ask us to help raise some money for Afecancer, the new Torrevieja-based cancer charity she represents.

What she didn’t know was that the group already had €500 ready to present to her - for which she was surprised, delighted and excited, all at the same time!

During the afternoon at Sofia’s Restaurant in El Raso, a total of €227.30 was raised, plus a large bag of ‘pesky coins’ which has yet to be counted!

Thirty-three ladies enjoyed a very acceptable Menu del Dia, complemented by wine and coffee.

This group was formed during the summer of 2010 by Janine Williams, an active member of Quesada Bowls Club who because of ill health had to stop playing ‘the wonderful game’.

Later that year, Maddie Pinfold became Janine’s 500 welcomes from Janine ‘assistant lieuWilliams to Teresa Sancho tenant’, helping

with all aspects of running the group as well as being a very active member.

The group have supported Paul Cunningham Nurses since their inauguration and will continue to do so. But as the generosity of the members is so immense, they also help other local charities as and when they have sufficient funds.

For details of the group please call Janine Williams on 966 261 359 or Maddie Pinfold on 966 078 646

POOL PALS...Adam, Beryl, Gillian, Vicki and Rafael

Non-stop ADHOC on March mission MARCH is going to be an all-action month for the ADHOC Theatre Company – beginning with last week’s Murder Mystery Night at the Club in Quesada.

This Sunday (the 17th) they host a social night where they will welcome prospective new recruits at El Mundo in Benimar. The evening will include a TV Challenge Quiz and Play Your Cards Right, and provides an ideal opportunity for anyone interested in joining the group to meet members and find out more in an informal setting.

Next Wednesday (the 20th), ADHOC stage another Rock 'n' Roll night at Restaurante Los Rosales, with the ever

popular Woody and the Peckers - a three-piece band who replicate the authentic sound of Buddy Holly and the Crickets. Tickets, at €12.50, including a BBQ meal, are available fro Los Rosales; Quesada Card and Gift Shop; The Post Room Benijófar; The Card Place, Benimar; Cards and More, La Marina and Kennedy's at Montesinos.

Finally, on Friday March 29th they ADHOC stage another Murder Mystery Night in conjunction with Cats & Dogs Charity. Tickets are €12.50 including a two-course meal and are available only from The Club, in Calle Toledo, or by phoning 966 717 028.

THE EMERALD SMILE It’s time to paint Cabo Roig green again

CABO Roig will be brought to life on March 17 in a blaze of green, white and gold, writes BRIAN KIERNAN. Four kilometres of bunting will make the area the greenest place in Spain – and showcase the country’s biggest St Pats parade.

Bands, floats and Irish dancers will take part in the parade, plus many more entertainers of all nationalities and a few surprises on the day.

Eamonn O’Hare, the parade Grand Marshall, will be joined

by Christy Heffernan and Jim Sheridan - all greats in their own sports. Alongside them will be Paudge Connolly, a former member of the Irish parliament and currently a Monaghan councillor and substitute candidate for the European Parliament.

Another guest will be John Burke, ex commandant of the Irish Army – and it is hoped that all the councillors in the Orihuela region will attend, along with the Mayor and his counterparts from other regions.

The organisers express a special word of thanks to all the fundraisers without whom this parade would not be taking place - and to all the businesses in Cabo Roig that help to

fund the occasion. Look out for the bars and restaurants with the green bunting; these are the people that supported the event.

The parade will start at 3.30pm at the back of the strip at Aldeas de Aguamarina. It will continue up as far as the medical centre and down to the front of the strip, led by St Patrick himself.

It’s going to be very colourful and a joy for everybody to watch. There will be bouncy castles, face painting and cartoon characters for the younger generation - and maybe a few gifts too. Over the past few weeks, speakers on Ireland’s local radio stations have been promoting the parade - and with Irish TV showing the event for the first time, it will really put Cabo Roig and the Orihuela Costa on the map.

Airline companies are putting on extra flights to bring the expected massive volume of people to the Orihuela Costa for the parade – proving that the hard work by residents and businesses has paid off, which will in turn help the area.

Finally, the organisers thank the Town Hall and the police for their help and support in making this year’s St Patrick’s Day parade the best outside the Emerald Isle itself.

Edition 3

PROPERTIES OF THE MONTH

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Legal Services Page 5

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FM Spanish Promotions Page 8

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A STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO YOUR DREAM HOME Buying property can bring all manner of emotions and experiences, from excitement to sheer exhaustion. So it is a good idea to surround yourself with professionals who can take up some of the strain.

From the moment that you decide to purchase a property in Spain, you are well advised to employ a Spanish speaking Solicitor who will act on your behalf. Do not be tempted to cut corners to keep costs down, because when you weigh up the global investment and consequences which you could face later on if you do not do it right, it will be well worth it. The first thing that they will do is check the property’s address for any unpaid debts or embargoes lodged with the Land Registry at the Town Hall, as if you proceed with a purchase you stand to inherit any prior charges that go with it. Aside from this, registry should have a record of any building permits and planning permissions which have been granted, whilst newly constructed buildings must have an official “Certificate of New Work” (Obra Nueva) and “Cédula de Habitabilidad” which is the Certificate of First Occupancy.

Finally, the Solicitor will be able to confirm that the property does actually belong to the vendor alone, and that they have the legal authority to sell it without seeking authorization from a third party.

Contract The Purchase Contract, or “Contrato de Compra-Venta” is the legal agreement between the buyer and seller, and states all terms and conditions relating to the purchase.

These should always include: • The agreed purchase price • Details of any deposit paid • The Intended completion date, although this can be

Off-Plan

amended if any hiccups occur along the way, so long as both parties are in agreement.

The contract will also state any other terms which are specific to your personal purchase agreement. As soon as you sign on the dotted line, you will be expected to pay the deposit, which is usually pegged around 10% of the purchase price. Occasionally, a back-out clause known as an “arras” is worked into the contract, allowing either party to withdraw from the agreement under certain conditions. Once the contract is secured all documentation relating to the property, buyer and vendor are compiled and sent to the local Notary, (El Notario), who will prepare the legal documents, conveyance and conduct their own searches on the property. At this stage you should have a clear plan of how you intend to pay the outstanding value for the house, either using cash or having secured a mortgage.

You will follow a similar process if buying “Off-Plan”, although payment for property is usually made in stages rather than a lump sum exchange. In most cases, the buyer will pay a deposit and sign the contract to secure the plot in the first instance before making additional payments at various stages of the construction process. In this sense, the contract should set out a very strict timetable for the stage payment dates, the completion date, including any penalties to be applied for non-completion, guarantees for building work and full details of the builder's insurance policy. It is wise to remember that although you may have pledged a considerable amount of money to the property, it still remains under full ownership by the Constructor until contracts are exchanged before the Notary. The staged payment process is a little more complicated when applying for a mortgage, although Spanish banks are quite accustomed to the Off- Plan payment scheme, so will usually be able to arrange a bridging loan to cover interim fees, in addition to the final sum.

Completion When all financial and legal mechanisms are in place, i’s dotted and t’s crossed, all there is left to do is sign the deed of sale. This is a very formal event which takes place in the Notary’s Office. Prior to signing, the Notary will look over the contract to ensure that it is complete, before signatures are witnessed and monies exchanged. Once the deed is signed, the buyers name will be printed on the cover of the original copy, which is then lodged at the property registry office by the Notary to be used for Municipal records.

And you walk away with the keys to your new casa!

Friday, March 15, 2013

Why YOU should be on the Padrón

By Heidi Wardman There has been wide-spread confusion in the past, concerning who should register on the Municipal Padrón, and what the benefits are. Therefore, we have compiled a brief outline to give you a better idea.

If you are a permanent resident in Spain you are legally obliged to register on the Municipal Padrón at your local town hall, regardless of nationality. The “padrón” is the list of names and addresses of all of the people living in a given town; similar to the Electoral Roll in the UK; and the term “empadronarse” describes the act of registering on the list. However, in spite of this being part of Spanish law, there are many people, including British expats, who fail to follow this protocol. It is not really understood why they are not keen to make their presence known to the Spanish authorities, as the majority have no qualms over following similar procedures in their hometowns.

Perhaps they feel that they are putting themselves under a spotlight and vulnerable to harassment by the authorities if they give their details to the town hall? However, this is far from the truth, as the idea of the register is merely to monitor how many people are living in each area for demographic purposes, and predominantly to ensure that the correct level of funding is allocated to the provision of public services. The authorities stress that padrón registration does not give access to a person’s financial affairs and is not used as a sneaky way of checking their official residence status.

Who can register on the padrón?

Anyone who has a fixed address can register on the padrón, even if they do not own a property personally, and are only renting or lodging with friends or family somewhere.

Plus, in comparison to obtaining NIE numbers and residence certificates, registration is a relatively simple process and completely free of charge! Most town halls these days are equipped with their own padrón office or department, which is accustomed to completing the process, as well as dealing with foreigners who do not speak the lingo! The Administrators will ask you to complete an

application form, submitting this accompanied by a photocopy of some form of identification, such as a passport, along with your NIE document or residence certificate/card, a recent utility bill in your name which bears your current address, and either the deeds to your house or a copy of your rental contract. In busier offices you may be requested to return the following day to collect the actual certificate, whilst in others it is produced there and then.

So what are the benefits of registering on the padrón?

As mentioned previously, the padrón enables the Local Government to gage how many people are living in the town, and so apply for an adequate amount of funding from the Central Government to cover public service provision. This means that if people fail to join the register the town hall does not receive the money to cover the provision of health centres, police officers, fire fighters and schools for the entire population. Aside from this, you must have been registered on the padrón for a given period of time in order to qualify for some of the income dependent social care and welfare benefits available via the local Social Services Department.

Registration on the padrón in certain municipalities can result in a reduction of various community charges and inheritance tax.

As an official resident of your town, you will be entitled to a variety of discounts on events organised by the town hall, such as learning and development courses, leisure and cultural activities; whilst by showing a current “Certificado de Empadronamiento” residents can become eligible for discounts of up to 50% on air fares and ferry tickets between the mainland and Spanish islands.

There are a variety of essential administrative tasks which can only be completed on production of a padrón, such as applying for a SIP health card, vehicle registration and enrolling your child at the nearest school to your home. Finally, padrón registration will give you more of a say in who is running the show in your town, by enabling you to vote in local and European elections.

Essentially, taking the small step of registering on the padrón will make your life in Spain a hundred times easier in the longrun, and is well-worth the paper its written on!

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BY JORGE, TYLER’S A SILVER DREAM RACER TENACIOUS Tyler Graves made jaws drop once again when he stormed to second place in the Valencian Motorcross Championship At just seven years old, Tyler is a budding Jorge Lorenzo, already handling his MX50cc Automatic Motorcross bike like a true pro. He joined the Club Moto Sport Carreres, which is based in Crevillente, to enjoy what was originally meant as a hobby, but his overwhelming talent has left not only parents, Craig and Jo, but also several sponsors, feeling that this could be the start of a very successful career for the youngster.

Within weeks of joining the club, Tyler, who lives in Rojales, was chosen to compete in the Valencian Championships, which saw

him rank fourth overall during the gruelling finals in Guardamar in December.

Tyler proved his form once again during the first round of the 2013 championships in Vinaros last weekend. He came second in both of his races to secure a silver medal overall - a year to the day since his first race, when he finished 12th.

Tyler is currently being trained by seven-time Spanish champion Paco Rico, who put in a special request to be in charge of his schedule. He has also won sponsorship deals with DUK Graphics, Goldentyre, MJW Specialists and Fly Racing.

Tyler’s next challenge is in the UK on April 6, at the Goldentyre GT Cup, where he will ride alongside 40 of the best British and international riders in his category.

Final Curtain for Dramatic Licence

ON THE PODIUM...Tyler shows off his trophy

Legs 11! Ladies run wild to grab road-race glory RUNNING WILD AC’s 11-member team made a strong impact in last weekend’s Benijófar 7.5 Km Road Race – particularly in the Ladies Vet ‘D’ category.

So popular was the event that the organisers reached their limit of 600 runners early, leaving a number of applicants unable to take part.

The conditions were fine and warm with light breezes but the course contained a testing hill at the start and nearing the finish.

Los Dolses-based Running Wild’s Vet D ladies grabbed second, third and fifth places in the form of Ingrid Patursson (38´ 19”) ; Crecia Wilding, (40´ 23”) and Helen Mitford (42´ 25”), with

Shirley Crandon 12th. in 49´ 06”.

Patricia Murphy and Maureen Lockey finished

together in 58´ 40” for 15th and 16th places , with Linda Gossage 17th in 64´ 02”.

Helen Giles (Vet `A´) ran strongly to complete in 43´ 04” while Julia Skinner (Vet `C´) registered a 46´ 25” finish.

Only two Running Wild men were able to take part – Howard Bednall (40´ 25”) and Jim Gavin (49´ 10”).

The Club continue their preparations for the Paris Marathon on April 7 and several other more local events as well.

A number of differing ability groups meet up to run from near OK Gym on Sunday mornings (8:30 am) and afterwards gather at “Hellies” in Los Dolses Commercial Area for coffee and chats.

A Hole lot of action

THE Watering Hole in San Luis is supporting The Blue Angels MC Spain in staging a charity event on Good Friday (March 29) from 12 noon.

It’s in aid of the orphanage in Elche and features a table-top sale of used items as well as an Easter raffle and Easter

egg hunt.

Afternoon entertainment will be by gypsy king ‘Jose’, with ‘The Faith’ rock band providing the evening rhythm.

There’s a tombola courtesy of Di and Erica and you can also ‘play your cards right’.

THE greatly respected amateur dramatic group Dramatic Licence has “with great sadness’’ had to draw the final curtain on its productions.

Its website has been closed.

Remaining equipment, props, wardrobe etc. are stored in Benejuzar. If any group would like to make use of any of these items they can be viewed by calling 96 572 46 54 by March 31. A donation is requested for the Alzheimer’s Association.

Any remaining items will be offered to DebRA charity which has been so helpful in supplying props and wardrobe for past productions. By April 30 all assets will be handed to the Alzheimer’s Association.

The entire Dramatic Licence company would like to thank all those who have made the group such a success in the past, not least their appreciative audiences.

PLEASE NOTE: Any group operating under the name Dramatic Licence in this area of the Costa Blanca is not connected with the former Dramatic Licence company.

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Friday, March 15, 2013

UK HEADLINES

DJ TRAVIS IN NEW DRAMA

Speaking from his £1m Buckinghamshire mansion, Travis declined to comment on the new claims or his re-arrest.

He said: ‘I have been into a police

station and I have had a chat with them and that is it. They have told me they will make a decision in April.

‘I have not been charged with anything and that is it at the moment. I have to wait until they make up their minds.’

Travis, whose Magic AM show has been taken off air, has told friends he is in ‘no man’s land’ and ‘limbo’ until police complete their inquiries.

Shortly after his arrest last year, he denied being a sexual predator and claimed he was simply a ‘man who loves women.’

The former Radio 1 presenter, nicknamed DLT and The Hairy Cornflake, said he was accused of ‘squeezing the boobs of a couple of women’.

He said none of the allegations involve children and said he was appalled to have his name linked to disgraced DJ Jimmy Savile.

card on fire.

A f t e r being alerted to the fire, Dunn frantically fought the blaze with the help of a neighbour before firefighters arrived at the house in Stoke-on-Trent on May 12 last year.

Hill was also ordered to undergo up to 60 anger management and alcohol awareness sessions and told to pay £3,000 in compensation.

Judge David Fletcher told her: 'You made the very foolish and extremely

dangerous decision to put a lit greeting card through the door to the property Mr Dunn was residing in.

'You walked away, you did not call the emergency services.'

Lawyer Jason Holt, defending Hill, said the relationship with Mr Dunn was 'on-off' and they had argued throughout the evening but that she had not intended to start a fire.

He said: 'It was clear to her at the time of posting the card, not only was Mr Dunn awake, but probably in the vicinity of where it landed.'

'She was aware there was a concrete floor, it is not a case where there was a fitted carpet behind the door.

'She is at a low risk of re-offending, there is nothing to suggest she is a danger to anyone.'

Daily Mail

VETERAN DJ Dave Lee Travis has been questioned about a string of new allegations of sexual assault.

The 67-year-old was re-arrested by Scotland Yard detectives when he answered bail as part of Operation Yewtree.

It is understood officers quizzed him about up to 11 fresh ‘incidents’ that have come to light.

They are believed to involve several new alleged victims who came forward amid the blaze of publicity surrounding his original arrest last November.

Travis already faces claims from two adult women that he molested them in the 1970s and 80s at the height of his fame as one of Britain's best-loved DJs.

Happy flaming birthday!

A mother-of-two posted a burning birthday card through her boyfriend's front door following an argument, setting his front door on fire.

Faye Hill, 28, (pictured) posted the flaming card through Graham Dunn's letterbox to 'mark her annoyance in a symbolic manner' but caused £35,000 worth of damage, a court heard Wednesday.

The card caused Dunn's front door to burst into flames, setting off the fire alarm as smoke billowed through the 36-year-old's property.

Hill was handed a two-year suspended sentence after she pleaded guilty to arson at Stoke-on-Trent Crown Court.

The court heard how Hill had 'argued throughout the evening' with her boyfriend before deciding to set the

Twin and bare it!

355,000 men later, exit Amsterdam’s oldest prostitutes TWIN sisters who claim to be Amsterdam’s oldest prostitutes have retired after more than 50 years EACH in the sex trade.

Louise and Martine Fokkens, 70, are quitting the red light district after a combined 100-year career.

The vice girl sisters say they are now too old to sell sex - after sleeping with 355,000 men between them.

Louise, a mother of four, has said her arthritis now makes some sexual positions "too painful".

And mother-of-three Martine admits she is finding it hard to attract new punters - except one elderly man who still comes for his weekly S&M session.

She said: "I couldn’t give him up. He’s been coming to me for so long like it’s like going to church on a Sunday.”

The pair were the subject of a documentary film last year called Meet the Fokkens, and have now written a book about their combined 100-years of sexual exploits called The Ladies of Amsterdam.

Both women - who usu-

ally dress in matching red outfits - became prostitutes before the age of 20 to survive financially after escaping violent relationships.

They now look back on the ’golden years’ of the profession before the Netherlands legalised prostitution and the sex trade was invaded by ’eastern European mafia’.

Louise said: "It is very different now. We used to sit in the windows with clothes on. Today they are totally naked.

"There are few Dutch women and no sense of community these days.”

Martine added: "The legalisation of brothels in 2000 has not improved prostitutes’ lives.

“There is no point working just for tax. That is why the girls are working from the internet and from home - you are less likely to be spotted by the taxman.

"It is better for the pimps and the foreigners, but not for the Dutch girls."

Martine and Louise said they now hoped to be able to live off their earnings from the book and film

Friday, March 15, 2013

UK HEADLINES

RAY AS YOU EARN The Sun MOVIE hardman Ray Winstone took advantage of a loophole to slash his tax bill by nearly £100,000, it has emerged.

The millionaire star of The Sweeney last week claimed he could quit Britain because the country was being “raped” by high taxes.

But he put nearly £350,000 of his £1.4million earnings for the year to April 2012 beyond the taxman’s reach by saying it was “administrative expenses”.

Such expenses are not taxable, but if Winstone, who prides himself on his working-class roots, had needed to pay tax on the full profit, it would have cost him another £95,068.

As it was, the Sexy Beast actor, 56, paid £265,379 in corporation tax through his

Ray Winstone Ltd firm.

Accounts registered with Companies House show that Winstone — who has been declared bankrupt twice — was left with a profit after tax of £771,199.

DAVID Cameron this week warned Argentina off the Falklands — after 99.8 per cent of islanders voted to stay British.

Patriotic Falklanders took to the streets to hail the result — as only THREE out of 1,517 voters chose No. Mr Cameron said: “Falkland Islanders have spoken clearly about their future. Now other countries, I hope, will respect this very, very clear result.”

And in a blunt warning to Argie leader Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, he added: “People should know we will always be there to defend them.”

The PM called the referendum — which had a massive 92 per cent turnout — “the clearest possible result there

could be”.

He went on: “The Falkland Islands may be thousands of miles away, but they’re British through and through and that’s how they want to stay. We believe in selfdetermination.”

His steely resolve was echoed by Falklanders.

Governor Nigel Haywood said: “You don’t get a much clearer expression of selfdetermination than such a large turnout and Yes vote.”

Campaigners Falklands United, representing current and past residents, said the landslide result showed “no matter how isolated or small, a united community can stand up for itself”.

And Labour chief Ed Miliband tweeted: “Referendum proves

By setting up his tax affairs through a company, he is able to pay corporation tax at a rate of 26 per cent.

Both schemes are perfectly legal, but stars such as comedian Jimmy Carr

and firms including Starbucks have recently backed down after coming under fire for using legal loopholes to reduce their tax bill.

And the only significant administrative expense specified in Winstone’s accounts is remuneration to the actor of £28,317 — leaving a mystery as to what the rest of the £350,000 was for.

When asked about his accounts by The Sun, Winstone said it was “kind” he had been given a right of reply, but added: “I couldn’t really give a f***.”

Taxable income: £1,386,335 Minus admin expenses: £349, 757 Revised taxable income: £1,036,578 Tax paid: £265,379 Tax avoided: £95,068

The Falklands have spoken ...so shut up!

Warning ... David Cameron and Argie leader Cristina Fernández de Kirchner islanders want to remain a British Overseas Territory.”

Yet stubborn Argentina — whose invasion of the isles it calls Las Malvinas sparked the 1982 war — dismissed

the vote as “totally irrelevant”.

Its UK ambassador Alicia Castro claimed islanders “do not have the right” to decide their fate.

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11-year-old’s mum snares Internet perv A WORRIED mum pretended to be her 11-year-old daughter during a Facebook chat - and trapped a sex predator.

The mother was horrified during the online conversation as Matthew Jenart, 28, said he was 15 and asked for “naked fun”.

And she was appalled again after Jenart walked free from court this week.

Judge Mr Recorder Adams said the Facebook chat was “disgusting” but did not jail Jenart because it was “not clear” what the pervert’s intentions were.

The girl’s mum, also 28, said: “His intentions seemed clear to me – he should be behind bars where he wouldn’t be a danger to any more young girls.

"It’s terrifying to think what might have happened.”

She posed as her daughter when the girl received a Facebook message from someone she did not know. The mother called police after the conversation became sexual.

Unemployed Jenart, of Thornaby-on-Tees, was arrested in December then brought to Teesside crown court where he admitted attempting to incite a child under the age of 13 to engage in sexual activity.

Jenart, who said he would not have taken matters further, was handed a three-year community order, put on the sex offenders’ register for five years, banned from working with kids, and ordered

to have treatment.

The mum, who cannot be identified, is also from Teesside.

THE ONLINE CHAT Mum (posing as daughter): Who are you?

Jenart: Matt who you xd M: you tried adding me?

J: I know to friends if you want to be M: but i dont even know you?

J: I know lol but we can get to know each other M: How old are you? why do you want to be friends with me i’m only a kid J:Iam15you M: you dont look 15 J:OkIamhowoldareyou M:i’m11willbe12inafewmonths J: Ok kool what you upto xx M: just chilling, listening to some music u?

J: Kool watching the hulk xx M: boring lol J: Ok lol thanks so you got bf M: No am too young J: Ok kool who you with M: am in my bedroom on me own J: Kool you want fun M: Fun? J: Naughty fun lol M: what do you mean?

J: I mean naked fun M: im only 11 J: Lol it only fun try it you will like it xx Whst you upto tomz M: nothing much J: Kool so you going to have fun xx M: no am too young and your too old

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Friday, March 15, 2013

SPANISH NEWS

JUAN SMALL STEP

By SALLY BENGTSSON

FIVE years ago, Juan Hernandez Bermejo was told he would never walk again – and would spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.

But the 64-year-old Murcia man’s unbreakable faith and a tough daily exercise regime have amazingly got him back onto his feet.

Bermejo, who is president of the small local government of Llano de Brujas, took his first steps last week, five years after being told he had a tumour in his spinal cord.

When doctors at La Arrixaca Hospital operated to remove the tumour they discovered a mass of veins - and their efforts to sort it out left him disabled from the waist down.

Having lost his son in a traffic accident four years previously, Juan felt that life A video published on the website of radio station Cadena SER appears to contradict the official version of a fatal collision between a Civil Guard patrol boat and a vessel carrying wouldbe immigrants to Spain last September in waters off the Canary island of Lanzarote. One young Moroccan was killed in the accident and six others never found after the craft sank. The images released by Cadena SER were captured by a cam-

‘Wheelchair for life’ cripple walks again

couldn’t get any grimmer.

But he vowed not to be beaten and to prove the doctors’ prognosis wrong.

Juan was sent to the specialist hospital in Toledo, where he learnt to use a wheelchair and drive a specially adapted car. When he returned home he realised how important is was to keep moving his legs, and set up a gymnasium in his own home, from where he often attends to his municipal duties.

After taking his first steps, with the help of crutches, he was bombarded with congratulatory messages.

Things can only get better.

Seguro clean-up builds healthy bridge over troubled waters

BOAT DOUBT? era linked to Spain's border control surveillance system and originally sent to an investigating judge last December by the Civil Guard. In the video, the immigrants' vessel is seen attempting to evade the patrol boat, which was sent out to intercept them. The smaller craft then swerved in the water and reduced its speed,

at which point the patrol boat smashed into it.

After the accident, the Civil Guard gave different versions of the event. First, it said it was an accidental collision. Then it was reported that the patrol boat had suffered a mechanical failure, causing its helmsman to lose control. It was also claimed that the captain of the

immigrants' craft had left the helm at the moment of impact to hide himself among the passengers, which the video proves was not the case.

The official version offered by the central government delegation in the Canaries also stated that the patrol boat had its search lights on constantly as it approached; something that several survivors told the judge was not the case.

THE Seguro River has managed to reduce its levels of organic contamination by 90% in the last 15 years.

Since the 80’s, when the Seguro reached its dirtiest and the alarm was raised, local governments have been working to ensure the water quality improved on the river’s 325-kilometre journey from the mountains north of Murcia, through Jaen and Albacete and into the Mediterranean at Guardamar.

The Seguro is now much healthier, and much more organically friendly, but there is still work to be done, especially on the vegetation, fish and river banks.

The water authorities won’t rest until the river water is 100% clean. The hardest areas to deal with are the lowest points and the sections near towns and villages – and the biggest threat is the organic waste which comes from urban purification plants.

Although a lot of money has been spent on improving local sewerage works, they are still not 100% efficient.

And with the river water used for irrigation, the cleaner it is, the better for local crops.

IBERIA COMPROMISE MOVE EASES STRIKE THREAT THE leaders of labour unions representing the majority of workers at Iberia have accepted the compromise proposals put forward by a mediator on the company’s restructuring plan.

And they have promised an end to strike action that has seen hundreds of flights cancelled since last month, labour

sources said on Monday.

Union leaders are due to put the proposals of the mediator, labour law expert Gregorio Tudela, to an assembly. They will then meet with Tudela, a professor at the Autonomous University of Madrid (UAM), to formally convey the decision.

On Sunday, the management of Iberia’s

parent company, International Airline Group (IAG), accepted Tudela’s proposals, which reduce the number of job cuts to 3,141 from 3,807, some 19 percent of Iberia’s workforce. Severance pay would be raised to 35 days’ wages for every year worked from the proposal of the legal minimum of 20 days. Tudela sug-

gested that Iberia avail itself of a labourreduction plan (ERE) filed in 2001 that is still valid and includes early retirement and voluntary redundancy packages.

Tudela also recommended reduced wage cuts of seven percent for ground staff and 14 percent for cabin crew and pilots.

Friday, March 15, 2013

SPANISH NEWS

BLUR TERROR OFF THE MAP PP’s plan to reinforce Google Earth security

SPAIN’S ruling PP Party are looking at the possibility of blurring certain locations on the Google Earth maps in a bid to protect national security from terrorist threats.

Areas such as military bases and nuclear facilities are the principal zones in question.

PP representatives explained at a press conference last week that online mapping devices can be extremely useful for certain purposes, but could place the country´s security in jeopardy.

Some terrorist groups have p u b l i c l y acknowledged that such tools have helped them carry out attacks. Online technology installed on all smartphones is useful for criminals, while protestors often use mobile applications such as WhatsApp to organise huge public demonstrations.

The proposed blurring comes eight years after the release of Google Maps on the Internet.

Currently Google, Apple, Nokia and various car navigation systems provide a widerange of mapping information on Spain, as well as the rest of the world.

Restrictions placed on Google Maps and similar services are not new, and have occurred without any specific legislation passed against them.

In 2005, a few months after the release of Google Maps, the service blurred the home of then US Vice President, Dick Cheney, and later did the same with the home of the pres-

ident of North Korea.

It has also blurred the Dutch royal family's properties, NATO headquarters and oil installations.

The Pentagon asked Google Earth to eliminate all images showing the inside of its military bases.

Officials at Google España say that at no time has the Spanish government asked them to blur any installation, neither military bases, the Zarzuela royal palace nor the prime minister's La Moncloa residence. "We don't have an established protocol," said a G o o g l e E s p a ñ a spokeswoman.

"We discuss, debate and act on each case accordingly."

"It is obvious that these new ways of gaining information through maps are not a source of terrorism, but they can facilitate the committing of terrorist acts if the data on sensitive installations is not properly protected," the PP said in its measure.

Policies in different counties differ. In Australia, for example, the Canberra government declined to ask Google to remove certain areas because "the level of detail was so low it was not worth it."

In Malaysia, government officials considered that by smudging an area, enemies would have clues as to what strategic targets to attack. Nevertheless, the PP said it is unfortunate this type of information is located in databases outside Spain and that there are no international laws or agreements concerning the dissemination of data by private companies relevant to national security.

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SPAIN MARKS 9TH ANNIVERSARY OF MADRID TRAIN BOMBINGS

Politicians and citizens on Monday commemorated the ninth anniversary of the March 2004 Madrid train bombings, the biggest terrorist attack in Spain since the 1970s transition to democracy.

Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy was one of the first to refer to the Al Qaedaperpetrated attacks, which claimed the lives of 191 people on various trains outside the capital’s main Atocha station on March 11, 2004.

At a breakfast meeting, the Popular Party (PP)

leader told prominent government figures and party members that he was committed to the “eradication of terrorism,” saying freedom, democracy and life itself have “ferocious enemies.” “They will never defeat us,” he added.

At the same event, PP secretary general María Dolores de Cospedal said that March 11, 2004 was “without any doubt [...] the most difficult moment the PP ever experienced.”

A short time before, Madrid regional premier

Ignacio González and the city’s mayor, Ana Botella, laid a wreath at a plaque commemorating the victims of the attack in Puerta del Sol in the city center.

The brief ceremony was also attended by Justice Minister Alberto RuizGallardón and Education, Culture and Sport Minister José Ignacio Wert, as well as the presidents of the Association of Terrorism Victims and the Association of 11-M Victims, Ángeles Pedraza and Ángeles Domínguez.

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Horrorscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 Parrots can be annoying as well as beautifully coloured. Rawwr! Parrots can be annoying as well as beautifully coloured.

Rawwr! Rawwr! Parrots can be annoying as well as beautifully coloured. Rawwr!

Feeling locked up when you're in an open park is a sure sign that you're slightly claustrophobic. This horoscope was brought to you in association with the obvious.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Despite all of your best efforts, commas, semi colons and dashes will appear haphazardly in any writing you produce.

Accept this limitation until after the Sun sets nightly before the Thursday, or only use e-mail for the whole week. (Other horoscopes may suggest writing by candle light, this won't work - they are lying to you.)

Gemini May 21 - June 20 You have waited long enough to tell a close friend how you really feel. Use the opportunity of a spontaneous fish supper to get everything off your chest.

Nursery rhymes involving eggs are poorly starred, especially after Tuesday, at school events, coffee mornings and tea dances involving old people.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 You will completely ignore long term horoscope warnings of impending doom and disaster after the 18th of this month to no apparent consequence. Don't let this make you over confident as the planets are at least a million times bigger than little old you. Red and orange, but not yellow, will offer comfort in a clothing based dilemma.

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 The planets have noticed that in your normal praying routine you never give them a mention. Try to remember this in any requests involving money, or physical injury to those deserving of your wrath. Careful use of this power, around the spiritually significant period of dusk, will be most profitable for answers to questions like 'will the car start first time in the morning?'

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Embrace cartoon characters, including their merchandising, in all of their furry and fluffy big-footed glory, especially around Monday, when Neptune gets smashed on the head from behind by Saturn wielding a big, oversized, bouncy hammer. Welcome advice from afar this week, which may come in the form of someone you don't know from Nigeria.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Giving speeches in public normally leaves Libra tongue-tied and sweatilyapprehensive for days beforehand, but the planet Mercury is about to give you a well needed boost. Enjoy your new found ease with audiences, and do not fear this talent will disappear all of a sudden in the middle of a speech, or complicated dance routine.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 As a typical Scorpio you like to nip your prey to submission using your pointy claws. This month will be no exception, however continue to hold back even though an over officious local government representative is really asking for it. Nuts and raisins will provide moments of hilarity when they appear unexpectedly in a salad after the weekend.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Your planetary influenced, stroppy, arrogant, pigheaded, won't listen to anyone, angry, attitude tends to attract the wrong kind of friends, but not this week.

Welcome in particular people who are likely to punch you in the ribs at any sign of emotion with open arms, until April. The phrase: 'A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush' will have a particular meaning around Monday.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Remember that imaginary fears are just that. Only fear things you can actually see, hear, or that can hide in dark spaces in your home ready to jump out at you from behind at a moment's notice when you are alone and nobody can hear you scream. In both lottery's and Chinese takeaways the number 17 will have extra special significance.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Accept the change given you by vending machines and don't bother phoning the complaint line number if it goes wrong.

The phone number was how they made 35% of their profits last year (They have a Sagittarius Finance Director!!! Nothing more needs to be said). Venus continues to watch with a furrowed brow sideways.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Beware The Congo, yellow Wellington Boots, and copper coins, after Tuesday, as Pluto's ascendancy becomes temporarily adjunct to Mercury's' natural flippancy. Flipping coins will also prove problematic at times for this reason. Swings, slides, but not spinning wheels, are your favoured playground rides.

Friday, March 15, 2013

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Friday, March 15, 2013

VW Golf wins Car of the Year

The Volkswagen Golf has just been voted European Car of the Year by a huge margin – but there was also a dramatic secondplaced surprise in the ceremony held on the eve of the Geneva Motor Show 2013.

The Golf Mk7 emerged as winner with 414 from the 58 judges; however, it was a remarkable second place for the Toyota GT86 that really caught the eye of onlookers.

The second placed Toyota scored 202 points, pipping the Volvo V40 with 189 points. Even so, the Golf thus scored more than double the points of the next-placed car, truly underlining what an overwhelming winner it was.

The fact a rear-wheel drive sportscar emerged as runner-up in the Car of the Year awards will further confirm the validity of the 2013 awards in many peoples’ eyes, though. Car of the Year hasn’t always honored the models favoured by buyers and critics but few can have any complaints about the 2013 awards.

The VW Golf becomes one of only two cars to have

won the Car of the Year trophy twice; the other was the Renault Clio, which placed sixth in generation 4 guise, just ahead of the Peugeot 208 in this year’s awards.

It was also noted that every single generation of Golf has won a top-three spot in the Car of the Year awards – a podium record dating back to 1975.

In awarding the Golf so many points, the judges

praised its ‘overall balance and the outstanding achievements in safety, fuel efficiency, dynamics and comfort’. Superiority in pretty much every area, then.

And although the judges did concede it looks very similar to previous Golfs, the new MQB platform technology beneath brings many gains in lightweight technology and flexibility.

Friday, March 15, 2013

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Friday, March 15, 2013

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 23 represents L and 18 represents X, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Fought against new pop odes (7) 5 Resists US money (5) 8 Former prince and school head elaborates (7) 9 She’s caught in the beam (5) 10 A society role model is buried in Austria (5) 11 Where workers make a pile? (7) 12 To begin with Richard acted cautiously in silencing troubled bigot (6) 14 Can the deity, or is he a fake? (3,3) 17 A hundred in the back seat of a carriage fall to pieces (7) 19 Wash thoroughly inside disc rubber (5) 22 Beyond revised route (5) 23 Block wild knockout clout (7) 24 The knight at the meadow sounds uncivil (5) 25 In case you can meet us, can you call us in Italy (7)

Down 1 On time in public (5) 2 Scottish player to defeat queen (5) 3 Records the unmarried ones (7) 4 Some nudism album photos are depressing (6) 5 Only in best muddle (5) 6 A telling off about a concealment (7) 7 Shot at, he’d sell in confusion (7) 12 Assesses damaged conkers (7) 13 Oppose the nobleman and the monarch (7) 15 Bugs fashionable religious orders (7) 16 Fanatic Zionist leader gets a lot after the end of June (6) 18 ‘Crazy Gang’ following Bud, initially (5) 20 Spanish river, yes, but it’s German wine (5) 21 Debut tympanist is holding a sandwich (5)

STANDARD CLUES

Down

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Add Ago Art Cap Deb Eel Err Gap Gas Nip Par Sac Sag Set Sou Sty

4 letter words Alga Alto Aver Bets Dead Dole Door Eras Étui Guru Ides Isle Item Left Loan Lore Olla

Over Para Pole Reap Sent Serf Shoe Sloe Smug Tern Used 5 letter words Aggro Aloft Baggy Bells Bight Burst

Celeb Eagle Goofs Idols Ingot Loofa Moose Onset Payee Ragas Regal Sides Snoop Taser Tramp Types 6 letter words Afraid

Bloody Malone Retina 7 letter words Delimit Pleaser Possess Racoons Rosette Trepang 10 letter words Nightfalls Refractory 11 letter words Approaching Illusionist

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across

Across Down 1 Unhappiness (6) 1 Instruction booklet (6) 4 Ensnares (5) 2 Make happy (7) 8 Comments (5) 3 Fidgety (8) 9 Staying power (7) 4 Serving dish (4) 10 Pardon (7) 5 Nimble (5) 11 Untidiness (4) 6 Meagre (6) 12 Twitch (3) 7 Positive feature (5) 14 Cheerios (4) 15 As well (4) 13 Happy-go-lucky (8) 18 Offence (3) 16 Surprise (7) 21 Frolic (4) 17 Puts pen to paper (6) 23 Function (7) 19 Loud (5) 25 Questionable (7) 20 Against (6) 26 Formal procedures (5) 22 Obsession (5) 27 Disgrace (5) 24 Centre (4) 28 Reschedules (6) Last weeks Solution Across: 7 Create, 8 Ceased, 9 Cede, 10 Turnpike, 11 Partner, 13 Defer, 15 Cagey, 17 Refresh, 20 Decrease, 21 Care, 23 Mingle, 24 Sketch.

Down: 1 Free, 2 Talent, 3 Genteel, 4 Scorn, 5 Sample, 6 Weakness, 12 Academic, 14 Release, 16 Enrage, 18 Racket, 19 Cameo, 22 Racy.

Scribble Pad

1 Blatant (5) 1 Fought against (7) 2 Musician (5) 5 Slang for dollars (5) 3 Tennis played with one 8 Elaborates (7) person on each side (7) 9 Polish up (5) 4 Causing dejection (6) 10 Alpine region (5) 5 Stupefy (5) 11 Formicary (7) 6 Scolding (7) 12 Intolerant one (6) 7 Bombarded (7) 14 Overbearing minor official (3,3) 12 Calculates (7) 17 Fall to pieces (7) 13 Work surface (7) 19 Clean with hard rub15 Bugs (7) bing (5) 16 Fanatic (6) 22 External (5) 18 Bonkers (5) 23 Exclude (7) 20 Red wine of Spain (5) 24 Bad-tempered (5) 21 Sandwich (5) 25 Region of Italy (7) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Scenario, 7 Twirl, 8 On the menu, 9 Coo, 10 Pack, 11 Ramble, 13 Tidies, 14 Heated, 17 Smelly, 18 Nero, 20 Pip, 22 Introvert, 23 Dross, 24 Prisoner.

Down: 1 Snoop, 2 Enticed, 3 Aden, 4 Iceman, 5 Wince, 6 Allowed, 7 Tumbler, 12 Nemesis, 13 Tripods, 15 Therein, 16 Ulster, 17 Spool, 19 Otter, 21 Cons.

Across

Down

1 Influenza (5) 4 Toads (5) 7 Sótano (8) 8 Piel (de persona) (4) 9 Periodista (8) 11 Último (4) 12 Veneno (6) 14 To rest, lean (6) 16 Berry (4) 18 Disaster (8) 20 Cold (4) 21 To return (8) 23 Rosas (5) 24 Tin cans (5)

1 Granary (7) 2 Unhurt (5) 3 That (3) 4 Sábados (9) 5 Aisle (aeroplane, theatre) (7) 6 Velas (náutico) (5) 10 Forks (cutlery) (9) 13 Estaciones (partes del año) (7) 15 Atrasos (7) 17 To open (5) 19 Hoja (de papel) (5) 22 Goal (3)

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Friday, March 15, 2013 Across 1 Which word can mean either ‘treats with cruelty or violence’ or ‘speaks to in an insulting and offensive way’?

(6) 5 Which clover-like plant with three-lobed leaves is the national emblem of Ireland?

(8) 9 First broadcast in November 1953, which is the longest-running current affairs television programme in the world? (8) 10 Which of the ‘Three Wise Men’ shares his name with the American politician who was secretary of defence under President Reagan? (6) 11 Which machine with a rapidly rotating container is used chiefly to separate liquids from solids? (10) 12 What surname is shared

by Avengers’ star Emma, Radio 1 DJ John and 19th century British prime minister, Robert? (4) 13 What was the name of the 15th century queen of Castile, who, along with her husband Ferdinand of Aragon, instituted the Spanish Inquisition in 1478 and sponsored the voyages

of Christopher Columbus in 1492? (8) 16 In cricket, what name is given to a ball bowled so that it pitches immediately under the bat? (6) 17 Which word can mean ‘to strike repeatedly with hard blows’ or ‘a mixture of flour, egg, and milk or water, used for making pancakes or coating food before frying’? (6) 19 By what name is paraffin, the light fuel oil used in jet engines and domestic heating boilers, known as in America? (8) 21 What is the second letter of the Greek alphabet? (4) 22 Which singer/songwriter, famous for his suave visual and vocal style, was the lead vocalist with Roxy Music?

(5,5) 25 In astrology, what name is normally given to a circular diagram representing the 12 constellations and showing their signs? (6) 26 What is the name of the medical instrument used for examining the eardrum and interior of the outer ear? (8) 27 Which prehistoric period immediately preceded the Bronze Age? (5,3)

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

28 Which verb can mean ‘prods with one’s elbow to attract attention or ‘gives gentle encouragement to’?

(6)

Down 2 What name is often applied to a white stripe down the face of a horse or other animal? (5)

3 Which word can precede: bread, change, cut, fall, hand, horn, story and wave?

(5) 4 Cocker, Clumber, English springer, Welsh springer and Irish water are all varieties of which breed of dog? (7) 5 Which implement with a broad, flat, blunt blade, is often used in cookery for mixing or spreading? (7) 6 By what other name is the sport of toxophily better known? (7) 7 What was the name of the black American civil rights activist whose refusal to relinquish her seat on a public bus to a white man precipitated the 1955 Montgomery bus boycott? (4,5) 8 Which small slow-moving lizard with a prehensile tail, long extensible tongue, protruding eyes that rotate independently, has a highly developed ability to change colour? (9) 14 Derived from a story in The Bible, what name is often applied to a person who is blamed for the wrongdoings, mistakes, or faults of others, especially for reasons of expediency? (9)

15 Which name for a large body of troops ready for combat, especially an infantry unit forming part of a brigade, is derived from the Latin for ‘battle’? (9) 18 Which famous novel by Daphne du Maurier was made into a film in 1938, which was directed by Alfred Hitchcock and starred Laurence Olivier and Joan Fontaine? (7) 19 Which word is used to describe a prevailing tone or central theme, typically one set or introduced at the start of a conference? (7) 20 Which noun can mean either ‘an analysis or summary of something by a knowledgeable person’ or ‘a reduction in the productivity or activities of a company or institution’? (7) 23 By what other name is the 11th century Spanish soldier Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar, a champion of Christianity against the Moors, better known? (2,3) 24 What is the basic monetary unit of India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Nepal, Mauritius and the Seychelles? (5)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH DIA DE SAN PATRICIO ST PATRICK'S DAY

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

music QUIZ

ANSWERS: 1. Brett Anderson 2. Virgin 3. River Deep- Mountain High 4. Monterey 5. Route 66 6. Lionel Richie 7. Piccolo 8.

Detroit 9. Jose Carreras, Placido Domingo, Luciano Pavarotti 10. David Bowie 11. The Who

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Scenario, 7 Twirl, 8 On the menu, 9 Coo, 10 Pack, 11 Ramble, 13 Tidies, 14 Heated, 17 Smelly, 18 Nero, 20 Pip, 22 Introvert, 23 Dross, 24 Prisoner.

Down: 1 Sherpa, 2 Crepes, 3 Axiom, 4 Equinox, 6 Aquaplane, 7 Scissors, 8 Adenauer, 11 Harp, 15 Jimmy Carr, 17 Baptists, 18 Adultery, 20 Neck, 21 San Jose, 22 Recoup, 23 Kenyan, 26 Issue.

irlandes

bailar

isla esmeralda

barba

musica

borracho

oro

celebrar

santo

cerveza

suerte

desfile

trebol

fiesta

verde

irlanda Empareja estas palabras - Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.arcoiris, 2.bailar, 3.barba,

14.oro, 15.santo, 16.suerte,

k.clover, l.rainbow, m.saint,

4.borracho, 5.verde, 6.celebrar,

17.trebol

n.party, o.to dance,

7.cerveza, 8.desfile, 9.fiesta,

a.gold, b.parade, c.drunk,

p.to celebrate, q.emerald isle.

10.irlanda, 11.irlandes,

d.green, e.Ireland, f.luck,

12.isla-esmeralda, 13.musica,

g.music, h.beer, i.Irish, j.beard,

Soduko

Span - Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1l, 2o, 3j, 4c, 5d, 6p, 7h, 8b, 9n, 10e, 11i, 12q, 13g, 14a, 15m, 16f, 17k

1. Who Is The Oldest Of These A) Brett Anderson, B) Keith Flint, C) Robbie Williams?

2. On Which Label Was The Human Leagues Greatest Hits Released In 1988?

3. What was the title of Ike and Tina Turners only album?

4. Which California festival brought Jimi Hendrix fame in the US? 5. On Which Interstate Highway Did Chuck Berry Get His Kicks?

6. Which Soul Singer Had A string Of Hits With The Commodores Before Launching His Solo Career?

7. What instrument is also called the octave flute?

8. In Which Us City Was Motown Records Founded?

9. Name The Hit Making 3 Tenors?

10. Which Singer Was Born In Brixton London, On The 8 th January 1947?

11. The Detours changed their name to The High Numbers and then to what?

arco-iris

Fill It In

38

Friday, March 15, 2013

TRELI ON THE TELLY

JAIL AND HEARTY with ALEX TRELINSKI THE only thing wrong with the BBC drama, Prisoners’ Wives, is the title. It’s a throwback to the wonderfully tacky ITV show, Footballers’ Wives, but it’s a very different animal, being one of a big line-up of new BBC dramas last year.

Strangely, it didn’t prove a big audience puller first time round, which is why we are only getting four episodes in this series. I always thought the BBC was about quality rather than getting involved in a ratings chase, but I stand to be corrected.

There’s a mixture of old and new faces, led by Polly Walker as Francesca with Iain Glen as her menacing gangster husband. Julie Gearey’s script is well woven and steers well away from predictability, and it was one of my favourite new shows of

last year. I can only hope that enough people will discover this little gem for it to become an annual fixture on the BBC1 schedule.

So JR Ewing got the bullet again, but this time it sounded like it was of his own doing, based on his farewell chat to his son, John Ross. That’s the way it had to be, of course, due to the

q

death of Larry Hagman, and I’ve continued to love all the antics in Dallas on Channel Five.

There’ll be quite a starstudded line-up of old faces for the funeral this Tuesday night, yet most viewers are giving the show a miss, which is a shame, as it’s just as captivating and ridiculous as it always has been.

q

There always seems to be snobbery from certain quarters towards Sky News, and it’s normally unjustified. Yes, it has a tabloid feel about it, but most of the journalism is very good.

On the downside, it has the annoying Kay Burley as a presenter, which makes having a testicle removed with-

out anaesthetic an appealing alternative to watching her!

There are also times when you wonder whether Sky News have lost their senses.

Were the antics of the spoiled child from hell, Justin Bieber, so important that his misadventures would feature just minutes into the start of Sky’s bulletins? I’ll bet some seasoned Sky journalists would have been reaching for their sick bag over this total lack of editorial reasoning.

Something that also got me sniggering was the Sky ticker at the bottom of the screen, promising live coverage this week of the Conclave of Cardinals choosing the new Pope.

Since it was a secret meeting, I can only presume that the channel had “wired up” a Cardinal or had bugs implanted amongst the murals of the Sistine Chapel!

It’s Comic Relief tonight on BBC 1, and hard to believe that it first hit our screens some 25 years

q

ago. It’s also a very good example of how to put together a slick, entertaining, yet very moving charity programme, as opposed to the autumnal amateur hour that is Children in Need.

Sky One’s excellent comedy drama, Stella, set in a Welsh town, has sadly come to the end of its second series.

Ruth Jones has produced something that mixes some great laughs with genuine emotion with a collection of likeable characters.

It also proves that Sky isn’t just a glorified relay station for the best American shows.

Talking of which, the Kevin Bacon thriller, The Happening, really has kicked into top gear on Sky Atlantic.

It’s just about the most exciting ride on TV at the moment, reminding me of the edge-of-the-seat stuff that 24 produced in its heyday some ten years ago. And thankfully, a second series has already been ordered for next year.

q

Friday TV

March 15

00:35 This Week 01:20 Skiing Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 01:30 HARDtalk 02:00 Newsday 02:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:30 HARDtalk 05:50 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Real Rescues 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Beat the Pack 16:45 Flog It! 17:15 Comic Relief Does Glee Club 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 Comic Relief 2013 23:30 BBC News 23:55 Regional News and Weather

00:20 02:50 03:20 03:50 05:00 Space

There Will Be Blood The Culture Show Panorama This Is BBC Two Schools - The Science of Dive

05:30 Schools - You Too Can Be an Absolute Genius 06:00 Schools - Absolute Genius with Dick and Dom 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Real Rescues 08:45 Caught Red Handed 09:15 The A to Z of TV Gardening 10:00 Antiques Roadshow 11:00 Question Time 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The One Show: Best of Britain 14:30 Weakest Link 15:15 Coast 15:25 Mastermind 15:55 Britain's Heritage Heroes 16:25 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 16:55 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 17:25 The Trials of Life 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Country Show Cook Off 20:00 Great Continental Railway Journeys 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 The Wildest Dream: Conquest of Everest 23:30 Comic Relief 2013

00:50 Grimefighters 01:15 Jackpot247 04:00 River Monsters 04:50 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ade in Britain 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 You've Been Framed!

21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Mad Max 2

THE BANK JOB Heist thriller based on a true story, starring Jason Statham and Saffron Burrows. In 1970s London, Terry Leather, a car dealer with a dubious past, is approached by his glamorous former girlfriend Martine. She has a plan to steal safe deposit boxes from a top bank, and needs his help to organise the robbery. But the boxes contain more than just valuables, and Terry discovers that several dangerous individuals also want to get hold of them.

00:50 Random Acts 00:55 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 01:45 Extreme A&E 02:40 Dispatches 03:10 Time Team 04:05 Tony Robinson's Gods and Monsters 05:00 A Place in the Sun 05:55 Deal or No Deal 06:40 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:05 Sali Mali 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 A Racing Portrait: For the Love 08:00 According to Jim 08:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Frasier 10:25 Frasier 11:00 Grand Designs Australia 12:00 Come Dine with Me 12:30 What's Cooking?

13:30 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:35 Cheltenham Festival 17:20 Deal or No Deal 18:10 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:20 Cheltenham Highlights 20:25 4thought.tv 20:30 Meteor Strike: Fireball from Space 21:30 Stephen Fry: Gadget Man 22:00 The Bank Job

00:00 Banged Up Abroad 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Divine Designs 05:20 Great Artists 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Milkshake! Monkey 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trisha 13:00 Looney Tunes 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 London: The Inside Story 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Person of Interest 16:15 Flower Girl 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

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Saturday TV March 16

00:05 Comic Relief 2013 02:30 Comic Relief 2013 03:50 Weatherview 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Click 04:45 Newswatch 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Five Minutes With 06:00 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Nigel Slater's Simple Cooking 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Football Focus 14:00 Formula One 15:05 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 17:30 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 20:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:15 Pointless Celebrities 21:00 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 21:50 Casualty 22:40 Mrs Brown's Boys 23:10 BBC News; Weather 23:30 National Lottery Update

00:10 Newsnight 00:40 The Review Show 00:40 Weather 01:25 The Baader Meinhof Complex

03:45 Question Time 04:45 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 08:30 Great British Menu 09:00 Great British Menu 09:30 Great British Menu 10:00 Great British Menu 10:30 Great British Menu 11:00 A History of Britain by Simon Schama 12:00 Meet the Ancestors 12:30 Map Man 13:00 Country Show Cook Off 13:30 Country Show Cook Off 14:00 Country Show Cook Off 14:30 Country Show Cook Off 15:00 Country Show Cook Off 15:30 Mastermind 16:00 University Challenge 16:30 Flog It! 17:30 Final Score 18:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys 19:00 Dad's Army 19:30 Top Gear 20:30 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 23:00 Africa United

01:20 Jackpot247 04:00 Columbo: Troubled Waters 05:40 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 07:25 The Hive 07:45 Dino Dan 08:10 Canimals 08:25 Bookaboo 08:40 Matt Hatter Chronicles 09:05 Ultimate Spider-Man 09:30 Victorious 10:00 Jessie 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:20 My Tasty Travels with Lynda Bellingham 12:20 Dinner Date 13:20 ITV News and Weather 13:29 ITV Meridian Weather 13:30 Countrywise 13:50 You've Been Framed!

14:20 Mutiny on the Buses 16:00 The Chase 17:00 Midsomer Murders 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:30 New You've Been Framed!

20:00 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 21:20 The Cube 22:20 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:20 ITV News and Weather 23:34 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Total Recall

00:15 Random Acts 00:20 Fight Club 03:00 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 03:45 2 Broke Girls 04:10 Happy Endings 04:30 Southland 05:15 A Place in the Sun 06:10 Deal or No Deal 06:55 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Will & Grace 08:25 The Grid 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:55 Frasier 11:30 Frasier 11:55 The Simpsons 12:25 The Simpsons 12:55 The Big Bang Theory 13:20 The Big Bang Theory 13:45 Undercover Boss USA 14:45 Channel 4 Racing 17:15 Come Dine with Me 19:45 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Churchill and the Fascist Plot 21:00 Kevin McCloud's Man Made Home 22:00 127 Hours 23:45 Big Fat Quiz of the 00s

00:55 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Motorsport Mundial 05:20 Great Artists 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:30 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Olive the Ostrich 07:50 Abby's Flying Fairy School 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:05 Milkshake! Monkey 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Animal Antics 08:30 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Jelly Jamm 11:00 The Mr Men Show 11:15 Power Rangers Samurai 11:50 Batman: The Brave and the Bold 12:15 Inside Hollywood 12:25 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 13:25 Police Interceptors 14:25 CSI: NY 15:20 CSI: Miami 17:05 Private Benjamin 19:10 5 News Weekend 19:15 Columbo: Uneasy Lies the Crown 20:50 NCIS 22:40 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:35 Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Once upon a Time in America Hollyoaks The Hoobs The Hoobs Will & Grace Everybody Loves Raymond Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Frasier Sunday Brunch The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Simpsons The Simpsons Picture Perfect Time Team Deal or No Deal Channel 4 News 4thought.tv Come Dine with Me The Secret Millions Salt

00:35 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 01:05 SuperCasino 05:00 HouseBusters 05:25 Divine Designs 05:50 County Secrets 06:05 Hana's Helpline 06:15 The Milkshake! Show 06:40 Thomas & Friends 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:30 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Olive the Ostrich 07:50 Abby's Flying Fairy School 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Animal Antics 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 City of Friends 08:50 Little Princess 09:00 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:15 Angelina Ballerina 09:30 Mio Mao 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:10 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Jelly Jamm 11:00 Power Rangers Samurai 11:35 Batman: The Brave and the Bold 12:00 Inside Hollywood 12:10 Once Upon a Time 13:05 Cowboy Builders 14:05 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed 15:50 Sabrina the Teenage Witch 17:40 Surf's Up 19:10 5 News Weekend 19:15 Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls 21:00 Legally Blonde 23:00 Person of Interest 23:55 The Long Kiss Goodnight

AND & DECS SATURDAY NIGHT TAKEWAY With Sharon Osbourne in the voiceover booth, the Geordie duo present more entertainment, surprises and competitions, going head to head in their latest challenge and playing another undercover prank on an unsuspecting celebrity. The cast of Riverdance perform at the end of the show and, as usual, one member of the studio audience plays to take home the contents of a commercial break in Win the Ads.

Sunday TV

March 17

00:50 The Football League Show 02:05 Weatherview 02:10 BBC News 02:30 The Bottom Line 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Dateline London 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Click 06:00 BBC News 06:30 The Bottom Line 07:00 Breakfast 08:35 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics 13:20 Countryfile 14:20 Call the Midwife 15:20 Formula One 17:20 Comic Relief 2013 18:20 Lifeline 18:30 Songs of Praise 19:05 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:30 Countryfile 20:30 Antiques Roadshow 21:30 The Lady Vanishes 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

00:20 Dancing on the Edge 01:20 Badlands 02:50 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:45 Primrose Path 09:15 Life in a Cottage Garden with Carol Klein 09:45 Gardeners' World 10:15 The A to Z of TV Gardening 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:30 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 13:00 EastEnders 14:55 Coast 15:15 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 16:00 Restoration Home 17:00 Figure Skating 19:00 Food & Drink 19:30 Flog It! 20:00 Dragons' Den 21:00 Top Gear 22:00 Toughest Place to Be 23:00 Mock the Week 23:30 It's Kevin

01:45 Jackpot247 04:00 In Plain Sight 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 07:25 The Hive 07:45 Dino Dan 08:10 Canimals 08:25 Bookaboo 08:40 Matt Hatter Chronicles 09:05 Rated A for Awesome 09:15 Rated A for Awesome 09:30 Almost Naked Animals 09:45 Almost Naked Animals 10:00 The Aquabats Super Show 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:25 Dickinson's Real Deal 12:25 All Star Family Fortunes 13:10 ITV News and Weather 13:14 ITV Meridian Weather 13:15 Carry On - Don't Lose Your Head 15:00 Doc Martin 16:00 Food Glorious Food 17:00 Agatha Christie's Marple 19:00 You've Been Framed!

19:30 ITV News Meridian 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

21:00 Our Queen 23:00 Perspectives

THE LADY VANISHES It is 1931 and socialite Iris Carr (Tuppence Middleton) is travelling back from a holiday in the Balkans, but faints on the platform of the railway station in the scorching heat. She is comforted by fellow passenger Miss Froy (Selina Cadell), but when Iris falls asleep she awakes to find the woman has disappeared and everyone else on board denies ever having seen her.

01:20 05:05 07:10 07:35 08:05 08:30 08:55 09:25 09:55 10:30 13:05 13:30 14:00 14:25 14:55 15:25 17:25 18:30 19:25 19:55 20:00 21:00 22:00

40

Monday TV

March 18

00:45 01:15 02:00 02:05 02:30 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:30 06:00 06:30 06:45 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:30 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

Late Kick Off The Apprentice USA Weatherview Newsday The Bottom Line BBC News Asia Business Report Sport Today BBC News Asia Business Report Sport Today BBC News HARDtalk BBC News World Business Report BBC News Breakfast Heir Hunters Homes Under the Hammer Caught Red Handed Real Rescues Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors WPC 56 Beat the Pack Countryside 999 Flog It! Pointless BBC News Weather The One Show Bang Goes the Theory EastEnders A Question of Sport Motorway Cops BBC News Regional News and Weather Panorama

00:00 01:00 01:45 03:35

Comic Relief 2013 Six Nations Rugby Union Down in the Valley Holby City

04:35 Being Eileen 05:05 Comic Relief 2013 06:05 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Real Rescues 08:50 Caught Red Handed 09:20 Heir Hunters 10:05 Great British Menu 10:35 Countryfile 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Animal Park 14:30 Coast 14:40 Six Nations Rugby Union 15:25 Mastermind 15:55 How We Won the War 16:25 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 16:55 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 17:25 The Trials of Life 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Country Show Cook Off 20:00 Great Continental Railway Journeys 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Paul Hollywood's Bread 22:00 The Challenger 23:30 Weather

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:14 ITV Meridian Weather 00:15 Anglo-Welsh Cup Rugby Union 01:15 The Store 03:15 Monk 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ade in Britain 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 James Nesbitt's Ireland 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Broadchurch 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 The Agenda

00:00 Sunshine 02:00 How to Build a Bionic Man 02:55 Silent Light 05:15 St Elsewhere 06:00 Deal or No Deal 06:45 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Grand Designs Australia 12:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:45 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 15:45 Countdown 16:30 The Common Denominator 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Dispatches 21:30 SuperScrimpers 22:00 Embarrassing Bodies 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

MOTORWAY COPS The work of officers from the Central Motorway Police Group as they target cable thieves, a crime that is costing the country more than £1billion each year and causing chaos to Britain's transport system. The price of copper and precious metal has reached such levels that 500 metres of cable is worth about £50,000 - so these days, when the lights go out on the motorway, it isn't necessarily a cost-cutting exercise or a fault.

02:10 SuperCasino 05:00 HouseBusters 05:25 Divine Designs 05:50 County Secrets 06:05 Hana's Helpline 06:15 The Milkshake! Show 06:40 Thomas & Friends 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trisha 13:00 Looney Tunes 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 London: The Inside Story 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:10 Montana Sky 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 World's 22:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 23:00 Bomb Patrol

Tuesday TV

March 19

00:35 Live at the Apollo 01:20 The Apprentice USA 02:05 Weatherview 02:10 Newsday 02:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Real Rescues 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 WPC 56 16:00 Beat the Pack 16:45 Countryside 999 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 The Syndicate 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 The Matt Lucas Awards

00:20 01:20 02:20 04:55

Toughest Place to Be Meet the Izzards This Is BBC Two Schools

06:25 Wonders of Nature 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Real Rescues 08:50 Caught Red Handed 09:20 Heir Hunters 10:05 Great British Menu 10:35 Natural World 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Animal Park 14:30 Lifeline 14:40 The Super League Show 15:25 Mastermind 15:55 How We Won the War 16:25 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 16:55 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 17:25 The Trials of Life 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Country Show Cook Off 20:00 Great Continental Railway Journeys 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Alex Polizzi: The Fixer 22:00 The Railway: Keeping Britain on Track 23:00 Heading Out 23:30 Weather

00:05 Monk 01:00 Jackpot247 04:00 Champions League Weekly 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ade in Britain 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 River Monsters 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 The Jonathan Ross Show

THE SYNDICATE New series. The return of Kay Mellor's drama, this time following the stories of five hospital workers whose numbers come up on a Euro lottery jackpot of £72million. Unfortunately, scatterbrained nurse Becky can't remember what she did with the winning ticket and also neglected to sign the back of it, so the syndicate members race to find it and claim the prize before someone else does.

00:05 01:05 01:10 02:05 03:00 03:30 04:25 05:20 06:15 07:10 08:05 08:30 09:30 11:00 12:00 13:00 13:05 13:35 14:45 Away 15:45 16:30 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:55 21:00 22:00 23:00

Secrets of the Pickpockets Random Acts Shameless The Shooting Gallery Coming Up Get Your House in Order The Renovation Game Come Dine with Me Deal or No Deal The Hoobs According to Jim Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Grand Designs Australia Phil Spencer: Secret Agent Channel 4 News Midday Come Dine with Me What's Cooking?

A Place in the Sun: Home or Countdown The Common Denominator Deal or No Deal Come Dine with Me The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News 4thought.tv Bedtime Live 16 Kids and Counting Shameless

00:00 Revolver 02:15 SuperCasino 04:55 Divine Designs 05:20 Great Artists 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trisha 13:00 Looney Tunes 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 London: The Inside Story 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:10 Sex and Lies in Sin City 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Cowboy Builders 21:00 Whale Adventure with Nigel Marven 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: NY 23:55 Dallas

41

Wednesday TV March 20

00:05 Cuckoo 00:35 Who Do You Think You Are? US 01:15 The Year of Living Dangerously 03:05 Weatherview 03:10 BBC News 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Real Rescues 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 WPC 56 16:00 Beat the Pack 16:45 Countryside 999 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 Crimewatch 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Crimewatch Update 23:45 A Question of Sport

01:20 The Railway: Keeping Britain on Track 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 The Genius of Invention 05:30 The Genius of Invention 06:00 The Genius of Invention 06:25 The Genius of Invention 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Real Rescues 08:45 Caught Red Handed 09:15 Heir Hunters 10:00 Great British Menu 10:30 Food & Drink 11:00 Great British Railway Journeys 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Budget 2013 16:30 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 17:00 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 17:30 Coast 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Country Show Cook Off 20:00 Great Continental Railway Journeys 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 A Very British Wedding 22:00 This World 23:00 The Culture Show 23:30 Newsnight

00:40 01:30 04:00 04:45 06:05 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:15 13:15 14:50 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30 23:35

Piers Morgan's Life Stories Jackpot247 Loose Women ITV Nightscreen The Jeremy Kyle Show Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning The Chancellor's Budget 2013 Weather ITV News Meridian Dickinson's Real Deal The Alan Titchmarsh Show ITV Meridian Weather Ade in Britain The Chase ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Coronation Street Food Glorious Food Lightfields ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Sports Life Stories

LIGHTFIELDS

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 The Town That Caught Tourette's 01:15 European Poker Tour 02:10 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:40 Sailing 03:05 The Grid 03:30 Best of British 04:25 Freesports on 4 04:55 Deal or No Deal 05:50 Come Dine with Me 06:45 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Grand Designs Australia 12:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:45 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 15:45 Countdown 16:30 The Common Denominator 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 The Mimic 23:35 Anna & Katy

In 1944, Eve decides to leave the farm following Harry's discovery of the letter, but a plea from Pip persuades her to stay, and Albert makes a terrible confession. Vivien is becoming increasingly preoccupied with the unexplained goings-on at Lightfields in 1975 and fears Lucy is out to get her, while in 2012, the custody battle takes its toll on everyone in the house and Pip is forced to face his past.

00:20 Horizon

01:00 CSI: Miami 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 Divine Designs 05:20 Great Artists 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Milkshake! Monkey 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trisha 13:00 Looney Tunes 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Dangerous Drivers' School 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Imaginary Friend 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 21:00 Rolf's Animal Clinic 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Thursday TV March 21

00:15 The Guardian 02:30 Weatherview 02:35 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Real Rescues 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 WPC 56 16:00 Beat the Pack 16:45 Countryside 999 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 Prisoners' Wives 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time

00:20 The Railway: Keeping Britain on Track 01:20 See Hear

01:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools - Bringing Books to Life 2 06:00 Spark 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Real Rescues 08:50 Caught Red Handed 09:20 Heir Hunters 10:05 Great British Menu 10:35 Great British Menu 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Animal Park 15:00 Mastermind 15:30 Enthronement of the Archbishop of Canterbury 17:30 Coast 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Country Show Cook Off 20:00 Great Continental Railway Journeys 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 The Planners 22:00 Horizon 23:00 How TV Ruined Your Life 23:30 Weather

00:35 Safari Vet School 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Columbo: Mind over Mayhem 05:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ade in Britain 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 The Martin Lewis Money Show 22:00 Home Delivery 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Who Killed My Dad? - The Death of Terry Lloyd

KILLERS BEHIND BARS Professor David Wilson investigates the crimes of former criminology student Stephen Griffiths, the self-dubbed Crossbow Cannibal, who killed and dismembered three women between 2009 and 2010 - and ate parts of their bodies. Meeting some of the country's leading crime experts and putting his own cutting-edge theories to the test, Wilson asks when Griffiths' killing cycle began and whether he is responsible for more deaths than those already known about.

00:05 Gogglebox 00:50 Random Acts 00:55 Strictly Baby Disco 01:55 The New Normal 02:15 Revenge 03:10 Pushing Tin 05:15 Come Dine with Me 06:10 Countdown 06:55 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 09:55 Frasier 10:25 Frasier 11:00 Grand Designs Australia 12:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:45 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 15:45 Countdown 16:30 The Common Denominator 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Britain's Secret Shoppers 22:00 Born to Be Different 23:00 Gogglebox 23:50 Embarrassing Bodies

00:55 Poker 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 Divine Designs 05:20 Great Artists 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:30 Milkshake! Monkey 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trisha 13:00 Looney Tunes 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Dangerous Drivers' School 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Mentalist 16:15 Murder 101: College Can Be Murder 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Whale Adventure with Nigel Marven 21:00 Cowboy Builders 22:00 Killers Behind Bars: The Untold Story 23:00 Britain's Worst Serial Killers: Dennis Nilsen

42

Friday, March 15, 2013

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self-employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963

AUCTIONS

for first consultation free of charge.

ALARMS All types of alarms fitted, including CCTV. Give us a call on 966 923 963, and we will send a technician to give you a personalised quote.

Call now on 966 923 963.

BABY EQUPMENT HIRE TIPTOP BABY HOLIDAY CARE, travel cots, highchairs, car and booster seats. Buggies. Beach Towels. Free local delivery. www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk.

E-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582

AUTO ELECTRICIAN

CHURCH SERVICES

Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer.

Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information c o n t a c t PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com or contact Reverend Eddie on 966769300 or 650509606.

Reg No:2009-SG/A Good Friday Service at 11 am. at the Church Easter Sunday 11 am. will include a Drama message, please join us The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

CARS FOR SALE

International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting

Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully comprehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963 Looking for a car? We have a good selection of LHD & RHD vehicles for sale or exchange Tel 600 726 221 / 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS - for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

ITEMS FOR SALE YAMAHA ELECTONE HOME ORGAN HC4W, 2x44 key manuals / 13 pedal board. Superb voicing and rhythm. 175 euros. CASIO KEYBOARD WK1300 73 keys, full spec inc. stand

CARPENTER

and travel bag. 150 euros.

MODEL RAILWAY LGB “G gauge”. Starter set, boxed, passenger, 2 coaches.

Indoor / Outdoor. Track powered. 200 euros, extra track etc available. Gran Alacant 966 699 038.

MEDICAL Private Medical Healthcare – call us for your personalised quote, and get covered today, using the best private hospitals in the area.

Call us now on 966 923 963, and we will call you back with your quote.

OVERSEAS PROPERTY Need a UK base, 2 bed brick built bungalow in Kent for sale. Full c/h. long lease, for more details phone 965696113, e-mail, ronelliott1@hotmail.co.uk £20,000 (115)

BLINDS

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Brand new 2 bed, unfurnished/ furnished apartment. Algorfa town centre, swimming pool, rent €225 monthly Or yearly advance €2400 0044-7949-589-539 londonangels@hotmail.com (111) 2 or 3 bed / 2 bath apartments in San Miguel. Lift, communal rooftop pool & solarium, video entry system. Available for short or long term rent from 350 pcm. Tel 966723437 or 636615716. (110) Ref: 61, A lovely two bedroomed ground floor apartment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swimming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking distance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. KBJ3 – Luxury duplex penthouse apartment located near the marina in Guardamar. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, amazing panoramic views, inc.parking and storage. 500 € pcm.

966 923 963 Ref. CBR21 – A rare chance to rent a frontline beach

BATHROOMS / SHOWERS

BARBER

AIR CONDITIONING

CAR BREAKERS

ALARMS

AIRPORT COLLECTION

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS

43

Friday, March 15, 2013 apartment in Torrevieja!

Ground floor with large terrace, 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, direct and full-on sea views. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. CBR20 – Spanish style 4th floor apartment right on the beach! 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lovely balcony to soak up the amazing sea views. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. CBR19 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment in sought after area beachside Punta Prima, with communal pool and fully furnished, only 400 € pcm. 966 923 963 CBR25 – Torrevieja town centre, 3 bed 2 bath apartment, bright and modern decor, only 10m from Playa Acequion, inc. Garage parking, unfurnished, long term rental only, 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. CBR3 – 2 bedroom 2 bathroom townhouse located in Algorfa, communal pool, fully furnished, 300 € pcm. 966 923 963

Ref. RS20 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment within private enclosed residential in San Luis, large terrace, 300 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 33, Ground floor spacious 2 bedroom apartment, located in Torre la Mata.

Close to all amenities and beach.

3 month rental €300pcm Call: 965 707 188 CBR18 – Detached Spanish villa, beachside Punta Prima, 4 bedrooms, garage, 1200 m2 plot, own pool, 900 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apartment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

DANCE ACADEMY

Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 702: Beautiful 2 bedroom apartment, located near los Locos beach, beautifully furnished. Short term rentals from 175€ per week.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 El Chaparel/La Siesta Two bedroom apartment in a quiet gated urbanisation for rent €350 per month plus bills. Reference No 17 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 CBR23 : Stylish new house in Los Montesinos, 3 bed 2 bath with large 65m2 garage, front and back terraces. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963

LONG TERM RENTALS LOS ALCAZARES Beach House. 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms. Separate kitchen.

Large Underbuild, possible GYM, or 4th bedroom. REF LR1600 www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk. e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582 (109) EL ALGAR detached VILLA. 2 bedrooms. 2 bathrooms.

Communal Pool. Near Schools. Nearby Apartment also available. REF LR1223 www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk. e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582 (109) EL CARMOLI 3 Bedroom 2 bathroom Villa available.

Stunning Views. Minutes to beach.

REF LR1335 www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk. e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582 (109) SANTIAGO DE LA RIBERA 3 Bedrooms, 2 Living rooms, 2 bathrooms, LARGE Corner plot. Others available with Communal pool.REF 1459 www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk. e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582 (109) LA APARCEIDA DETACHED VILLA. 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms overlooking countryside.

Communal Pool. www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk.

REF LR1235 e-mail linda@tip-

topvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582 (109) SAN CAYETANO Apartment. 2 bedrooms, Large South facing Terraces.

REF KC44 www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk. e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582 (109) VALLE DEL SOL APARTMENT Large private terrace.

Use of Owners pool.

REFLR1628 www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk. e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582 (109)

PROPERTY FOR SALE Home and Contents cover Comprehensive policies for house and contents with CASER Seguros - excellent prices for expats; policies available in. Call 966 923 963 for a quote.

Playa Flamenca. 3 bed, 2 bath duplex apartment with solarium, communal pool, secure parking and library.

Price €77.750 including furniture. Tel 697 243 365 (111) La Zenia. Great location. 3 bed, 2 bath townhouse. All amenities close by and only 10 minutes to the beach.

Price €105.000 including furniture. Tel 697 243 365 (111) Ref. BRJ1 – 1 bedroom top floor renovated apartment in San Luis. Great sea and lake views. 55.000 €. Tel. 966 923 963

Ref: 510, €70,000.

Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. RS63 – 2 bedroom 2 bathroom townhouse in Torrevieja, with communal pool and lots of extras.

95.000 €. Tl. 966 923 963 Ref. RS59 – Detached 3 bedroom 2 bathroom villa in San Luis, plot of 350m2, private pool, and additional “granny annex”. 169.000 €.

Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS1 – Detached 3 bedroom 2 bathroom villa with 900m2 plot located in Toretta Florida. Has private pool, Jacuzzi, sauna and much more! 320.000 € .Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS67 – 2 bedroom apartment with lovely sun terrace located in Playa Flamenca urb with communal pool. All amenities nearby. 59.995 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS98 - Spacious 2 bed, ground floor apartment 250m from La Mata beach, inc private parking and storeroom. 115.000€ Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS58 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom second floor apartment located in La Mata, communal pool, fully furnished, 79.000 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS84 – Large 3 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment of 100m2 situated in Los Montesinos.

Communal solarium upstairs with pool.

79.900 €. Tel. 966 923 963

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Friday, March 15, 2013

Ref. RS20 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment within private enclosed residential in San Luis, large terrace, 90.000 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS65 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom penthouse apartment, communal pool and parking area, located near the beach in Guardamar.

79.950 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. RS90 – 2 bedroom detached villa all on one level, fully furnished, as new! Located in El Raso (Guardamar) 145.000 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. KEIGUA – Luxury duplex atico apartment in Guardamar. 3 bedroom 2 bathroom, 118 m2, private parking, storage room, communal pool, magnificent views of forest, beach and sea. 169.000 € Tel. 966 923 963 Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis communal pool. Walking distance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Ground floor duplex, with splendid views. Quiet location in Gran Alacant.

Immaculate condition. Price has just been reduced to 105.000 and includes everything. For viewing call 627 711 155 Ref. No K27 Rare opportunity to purchase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing

Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles.

It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground parking, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essential. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks projected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com-

KITCHENS

munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popular urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge-Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Ref 533: Lovely 2 bedroom Townhouse located in the popular area of Punta Prima, the property has a large lounge and fully equipped kitchen, 2 double bedrooms, one with balcony, bathroom with double shower. €126,000 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet

Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Top floor Duplex. Very good price of 108.000 euros for a quick sale. Furnished to a very high standard, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, Lounge Diner, Glazed in Porch, Large Roof Top Solarium.

Choice of Communal Pools, Private Parking. Walking distance to all amenities and on the First urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant.

Viewing essential. Ref No. K44. Tel. 627 711 155 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interior furnishings are top quality, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot

LOCKSMITH

POOL TABLES

size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and graveled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in shower units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242

Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off-road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool nearby. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Balsares is opposite Gran Alacant where the proposed golf course is now being started so this property will virtually be on the golf course, it is an investment

PERSONAL

NEWS AGENTS

ELECTRICIAN PETS

PARTY PLANNING

DAMP PROOFING

PLUMBERS

DRAINAGE

PLASTERER

45

Friday, March 15, 2013 not to be missed. The property is on a small gated urbanisation of 18 houses with private underground parking for 2 cars and direct access to the house, communal pool and toilets/changing rooms etc.

The house is brand new and consists of 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, lounge with working fire place, large kitchen 12 m2, large galleria/ utility room, bedroom balcony and front tiled terrace. This property also has a converted under build for an extra lounge or bedroom. ref K52 €198,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant Opportunity to purchase a beautiful 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed,large kitchen, detached property with roof- top solarium. Well established gardens and drive way for 2 cars, whilst also overlooking the projected 18 hole golf course.

Comprising of fitted wardrobes, utility room, air con H/C, alarm system,

electric wall heaters, intercom system, fireplace, ceilings fans, 8x7 gazebo, use of 2 large communal pools, immaculate condition with many extras. ref K12. €180,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant bargain, detached villa with pool on 400m2 plot. Briefly comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, Lounge Diner, independent kitchen, solarium with views, well maintained gardens. Quiet location yet within walking distance of all amenities. Top quality furniture and appliances included in the price. Extras include, mosquito nets, grills, toldos blinds, built in wardrobes, gas fire, electric heating, ceiling fans, English & Spanish TV, tastefully tiled & graveled garden with irrigation system. ref K43. €229,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant South facing attractive corner house Situated in the sought after urbanization of Monte Faro, this secure gated urbanization offers a stunning oasis pool, with mountain views, tennis courts and football courts. Consisting of 3 double beds with balconies, 2 bathrooms, kitchen leading onto court yard which can easily be converted into an extra room, lounge diner with working fireplace, front

garden with private parking for 2 cars. Being sold fully furnishes with white goods, built in 2006 so immaculate condition hardly lived in. Ref K48 €168,000 priced for quick sale Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Large detached villa with beautiful gardens set on 550m2 plot, built in BBQ area and large 10x6 pool.Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner with fire place, Independent Kitchen, air con H/C, Solarium, front porch, converted under build with 3 extra rooms, private covered parking, irrigated gardens, close distance to beach and amenities. Ref. K18 €250,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Ground floor south west facing apartment in Puerto Marino close to G.A commercial centre, comprising of 2 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Lounge-Diner, Independent Kitchen with Galleria, Porch area and large tiled front garden, The property is being sold fully furnished and includes all kitchen appliances, H & C Air con is fitted as well as sky TV. The apartment enjoys the use of 2 large

communal pools and has private parking in an enclosed electronically gated car park.

Competitively priced for a quick sale. Ref. K40 €91,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, this mid terraced Puerto marino townhouse has been priced low purely for a quick sale.

Briefly comprising of: 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge-Diner, Independent Kitchen with Galleria, Porch area, Front tiled garden, Private gated Parking & the use of 2 large communal pools Ref. K22 €123,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, corner property in Don Pueblo with no expense spared, comprising of 3 double bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 2 decoratively tiled bathrooms, very large independent kitchen with galleria. Included in the price are all kitchen appliances such as large fridge freezer, washing machine, dishwasher, microwave to name just a few. There is a huge lounge complete with chimney, plus large fully transformed under build,and small workshop. Front and rear private garden area, secure underground garage, tennis courts, football pitch and communal pools. Ref. K14 €209,00 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with

RAG AND BONE

absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appliances & furniture also there is a utility room, open terrace, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, tennis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul-de-sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gardens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,private parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY MANAGEMENT TIPTOP VILLA CARE, total property management, keyholding, holiday and long term rentals. www.tiptopvil-

SURVEYOR

lacare.co.uk. e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582

QUIZZES Experienced quizmaster/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:- 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT Avon need enthusiastic distributors. Turn your spare time into money! For more information phone Rosh on 966 785 520 (108)

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your problems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are welcome to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

WANTED

REMOVALS

STORAGE

VAN HIRE

WARDROBES

46

Friday, March 15, 2013

Greenside Gossip IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

THE FAIRWAY CODE I know I have been down this path before but etiquette is an integral part of the lovely game, so here I go again.

The golf teaching professional should teach and set an example of the proper etiquette on the golf course. In the Royal & Ancient Golf Club of Saint Andrews rulebook, the section on etiquette is only a few pages. But conduct on the golf course is much more than just two pages in a rulebook.

Golf instructors should never assume that a student already knows the proper etiquette on the golf course. Often, simple etiquette issues like pace of play, where to stand, or how to repair a pitch

Rules and etiquette for the golf instructor

mark or rake a bunker are often overlooked.

The professional should know and play by the rules. Frequently, they are and will be asked to answer a rules question. The key is to have knowledge of how to use the rulebook. It is not necessary to memorise all of the Rules of Golf. However, the golf instructor should be able to navigate and find answers in the rulebook.

He should encourage indeed insist students follow the rules and etiquette.

In the last few years, it would appear

that there has been a lowering of standard in regard to etiquette and the rules.

For example, for many golfers “winter rules” or “preferred lies” are becoming more common even here in Spain.

The pace of play has also become considerably slower. There are many factors that contribute to this such as long courses built with great distance between greens and tees, slow golfers, too many people on the course, etc. As a golf instructor, they should be a role model and can influence golfers’ pace of

play habits. If they set the standard for students, they will notice and emulate.

Golf Instructors/teachers, should teach the rules, etiquette, and tradition. A ninehole playing lesson to include rules and etiquette, also to include the way they arrive at the course to how they conduct themselves on the course and the clubhouse. This shows that they are true professionals who conduct themselves as such.

The rules, etiquette, and tradition are what make golf such a great game.

MOST ANNOYING GOLF PARTNERS

WE either love ‘em or hate them, but one thing is for certain.

We have played with them and may have our best friends amongst them. So here is one for each hole on the course.

Well, starting with the first six. There will be more in the coming weeks…

The only thing worse than playing with one of these blokes is BEING one of them

4.The Buggy Bar Girl Admirer

6. The Air Counter

Defining characteristics: Convinced he's pulled the buggy girl. Would be gutted to learn she offered the same flirty laugh and bag of nuts to foursome of geeks up ahead.

Favorite expression: "We'll have four beers and your big smile, luv."

Defining characteristics: Can't remember his score without reliving every shot in detail.Favourite expression: "One in the pond, two drop, three back in the pond. Four I had that poached egg lie in the bunker and left it in the bunker ...”

1: Unsolicited Swing Advice Guy

5. The Car Park Pro Defining characteristics: Knows exactly how to fix your swing even though you didn't ask. Verbally bombards a vast array of swing jargon that only confuses you further.

Favourite expression: "Wait, try this!"

Defining characteristics: Colour-coordinated outfit, matching logos and oversized tour bag suggest he's played professionally. Topped drive off the first tee suggests otherwise.

Favourite expression: "These are the same shoes Tiger wears."

2. The Human Rain Delay Defining characteristics: Thinks he is honouring spirit of the game by never picking up. Not in the spirit of the game: dragging his foursome through at three-and-a-half hour front nine.

Favourite expression: "Put me down for a 10."

3. Mobile Phone Guy Defining characteristics: Considers golf course an extension of his office, home, therapist's couch, etc. Has perfected the balancing-phone-on-the shoulder wedge shot.

Favourite expression: "You lads take your shot. I just got to take this call."

KNOW YOUR RULES

PROS’ BEST ANSWERS TO REPORTERS’ QUESTIONS

• Sandy Lyle after winning the Masters at Augusta in 1988 – asked what he thought of Tiger Woods: "I don't think I've played that course".

QUESTION • Seve Ballesteros, asked how he four-putted one of the WE all know that when your ball is on the green you MUST NOT putt before arrangements have been made concerning greens: "I miss, I miss, I miss, I make."

• "You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the the flagstick. If you do hit the flagstick with your putt then you incur a penalty. SO WHAT HAPPENS WHEN... you ask your game of golf,’’ a reporter told Phil Mickelson. ‘’You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?" opponent to attend the flag and the following happens?

A: Your opponent is distracted when you putt and inadver- Replies Mickelson: “The holes are numbered." tently allows your ball to hit the flagstick?

B: Your opponent DELIBERATELY allows your ball to hit the flagstick?

C: Your opponent cannot remove the flagstick in time, due to it being stuck in the hole, and your ball strikes it?

ANSWER A & C: YOU incur a penalty of loss of hole in Match Play and a two stroke penalty in Stroke Play B: YOUR OPPONENT is disqualified for a serious breach of Rule 1-2. In Stroke Play you must replay the shot without penalty.

TITTER ON THE TEE BERT always wanted a pair of authentic Footjoy golf shoes, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over. "No." Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the Footjoys. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looked up and said in her best poker face, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yelled, "And do you know why it's hanging down, Margaret?"

"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"It’s hanging down, because it's looking at my new golf shoes!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Should have bought a hat”

47

Friday, March 15, 2013

SUAREZ PLAYER OF THE YEAR? DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH!

Another proud Scot, the great Kenny Dalglish, then IF, like me, you still associate the word ‘sport’ provocation and of course diving theatrically whenever posreturned but ‘King’ Kenny struggled with many political probwith football, then Luis Suarez is about as far sible. Still…

Suarez is revered at Anfield and reviled by opposition sup- lems at Liverpool, the Suarez racism issue/ban being one. from being a sportsman as I am from porters: the man is both Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde in one.

In less than a year Rodgers has sorted out many things: becoming Pope (N.B. I’m not Catholic Steven Gerrard and Stewart Downing have each the Andy Carroll problem baton has been adroitly passed to and didn’t apply).

I doubt Suarez would even understand the word ‘sporting’, which quite frankly, if you play in England is a handicap.

Someone at Anfield should explain to the Uruguayan you’re supposed shake hands with the opposition after the game, not refuse to, snarl at ‘em and carry on the vendettas you’ve been pursuing for the previous 90 minutes – like we saw against Tottenham on Sunday.

During and afterwards we witnessed the best and worst of Suarez: electric pace and goal-poaching extraodinaire; unfortunately also slyly and blatantly kicking out and elbowing opponents, on and after the ball, grabbing players by the throat with little

expressed opinions publicly that Suarez should receive an award this year – well, as he’s virtually carried them single-handedly at times to win matches, they would, wouldn’t they? ‘’Player of the Year should be judged on his performance on the field’’ said Downing.

Oh really? The same field he kicks opponents on, raised his fists to, cheats, uses racist language (eight-game ban), and refuses to shake their hands on (he’s still doing it) – that field, Stewart? Giving him any award would just encourage the yoof of today to behave like him, God forbid...

Luis Suarez is currently leading the Premier League with 22 goals this season: 13 in 2013 alone.

But sadly it is all at the expense of being a thug on the field at the same time. If it’s a good goalscorer your mark goes to, what about Gareth Bale, or Robin van Persie? Do you see Lionel Messi behaving like that as he tore AC Milan apart on Tuesday, or Cristiano Ronaldo as he humbled mighty Man Utd last week?

That said, Brendan Rodgers has done a very good job in my book so far at Liverpool. He also did a great job previously at unfashionable Swansea, taking them right up to the prestigious Premier League with names no-one had heard of.

But Rodgers entered the Lions’ Den at Anfield, one of the truly great names of football, which existed before Bill Shankly arrived from Scotland 60 years ago.

The legendary Scot then built Liverpool into a team to be recognised world-wide. Lately though, post-Benitez the Anfield bandwagon has stuttered somewhat, Roy Hodgson strangely coming and going.

Tottering Torry look to youth Castellon 3 FC Torrevieja 0 After their late night Friday defeat, Torry find themselves two points above relegation, with four of the six sides below them holding a game in hand, writes JEFF SCOTT. Thus Torry's last five home games will be tense, combative and crucial to their survival. It starts at 5pm on Sunday at home to Gandia, where the club hopes fans will turn out in great voice to encourage a much needed win.

Torry played well at Castellon, despite the scoreline - an injury-time third giving the result an overly bad reflection.

Once more they played without the injured Juanfran, Abel

and Koeman, relying on the young, raw talent emerging through the ranks.

Missed chances and superb work by the Castellon keeper means Torry desperately now need a win. Sunday's visitors, Gandia, lie in ninth place, eight points off the play-off spots.

They will view a win over Torry as impetus to keeping alive their own promotion notions.

Home fans will be hoping Koeman returns to the starting line-up, thereby adding that much needed cutting edge and possibly helping Torry secure three valuable points in what is clearly now a fight for their continued third division status.

Lob-smacked Monte bite back CF Montesinos 2

COMPETING with the FA Cup, 6 Nations and Mother’s Day, a crowd of 152 was a victory in itself.

Monte were a goal down after just three minutes when a short corner saw Lopez palm the ball onto the crossbar with the rebound find the head of Formentera forward two yards out.

Formentera CF 2

Monte got out of jail on 20 minutes when keeper Lopez was lobbed only for the ball to come back off the bar.

From then on it was all Monte and Andres had a shot cleared off the line on 44 minutes.

Worse followed when Johny got himself sent off on the hour and Edu missed a one on one chance.

Then, on 65 minutes, Omar - who had come on for Rubio - latched onto a defensive error to level the scores.

The tide turned back Formentera’s way when a punt down the middle from a free kick saw Lopez lobbed.

But M&A broke through to equalise with five minutes left.

West Ham who seem to be similarly struggling with it, plus the furtherance of the careers of stalwarts Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher.

Phillippe Coutinho looks an excellent buy, Jose Enrique has been a revelation on the left flank, all rightly moving this great club back to being one of the top six clubs in England (and Wales now).

But big Brendan needs to somehow try to tame the temperamental Suarez to toe the line and behave like a sportsman, to earn respect from nosey neutrals like me. An award would only tell him he’s right – and he isn’t. Hey, is that the Vatican on the phone…

ELCHE LOSE: IT HAD TO HAPPEN EVENTUALLY Elche

0

Mirandes

1

MIGHTY Elche have only dropped two home points all season, and deservedly top the league by 12 points. But Mirandes had a great day out, scoring in the 44th minute with their only real shot of the game, completely against the run of play all the way through. In the crazy second half, super striker Angel had four chances, but the ball wouldn’t go in. Let’s hope Elche can put it behind them and get back to winning ways this week at Numancia. Second-placed Almeria conveniently also lost at home, 2 – 3 - so the gap’s still 12 points.

Mucho Elche!

Every Day’s a Football Day March

18th 1901 Steve Bloomer becomes the only English player to score international hat-tricks in two different centuries when he gets four in the 6-0 defeat of Wales at Newcastle. Wales had also been the victims of his first official international hat-trick when he bagged five in the 9-1 thrashing on 16th March, 1896.

19th 1991 Enrique of Sporting Gijon scores in his side’s league match against Atletico Madrid. The goal is the first conceded by Madrid’s goalkeeper, Abel Resno, in 1,275 minutes of football, a world record.

20th 1966 The Jules Rimet trophy is stolen from a stamp exhibition at the Central Hall, Westminster. To get to the trophy (valued at £3,000) the thief walked past rows of rare stamps (value £3 million) Pickles the dog finds the trophy on March 27 wrapped in the News of the World, buried under a hedge.

21st 1935 Brian Clough is born.

22nd 1888 A meeting is held at Anderton’s Hotel in Fleet Street chaired by William McGregor of Aston Villa FC. It is generally held that this gathering was the initiation of the Football League, although it was not until April 17th 1888 that the league was officially created.

23rd 1986 Some 68,000 fans turn up at Wembley for the inaugural Full Members Cup final. Chelsea and Manchester City provide a result which perfectly reflects the gravitas of the competition, Chelsea winning 5-4.

24th 1985 At 20 years, seven months and eight days, Barry Venison becomes the youngest Wembley Cup Final captain when he replaces the suspended Shaun Elliott for Sunderland against Norwich in the Milk Cup Compiled by STUART EVANS

48

Friday, March 15, 2013

ROYAL ROULETTE IN? Paolo Di Canio

OUT:Brian McDermott

THAT goal - Di Canio scores for West Ham

Reading’s ruthless Russian guilty of copycat crime. Canio believe it?

YOU’VE got to feel sorry for Brian McDermott. I know he looks more like an accountant, but the boy done well at family-friendly Reading, often punching above their weight.

The Royals struggled earlier this season, winning only two Premier League games, but showed signs of improvement in 2013 with four successive victories in all competitions and McDermott named January manager of the month. But Reading’s recent dismal form caused their Russian owner (another one!) to jerk the trigger and fire his manager on Monday.

As we write there is no immediate successor, but keep your heads down lads, it could be Paulo di Canio.

Phew, Potty Paulo’ll wake everyone up at the Madejski; the Italian’s never far from the action. What a player, remember that volleyed goal for West Ham? He was about four feet off the deck when he hit it. And he’s just finished a frantic, fiery, football fiesta at Swindon - so Reading’s just up the M4. Oh, and just when it couldn’t get any worse, the Royals are travelling to the Theatre

John McGregor reports

of (Bad?) Dreams, Old Trafford. Ooh-er!

Old Trafford? Takes some doing as a manager to be booed by both sets of supporters at once, but beleaguered Rafa Benitez was barracked by Bridge bruisers AND Liverpool-loathers Man United on Sunday in the FA Cup. By half-time the visitors looked doomed, 2 – 0 down in deep doo-doo: Chelsea chimes chastised ‘You don’t know what you’re doing’ as beloved Frankie Lampard and Victor Moses were replaced, raucous Reds rejoicing with ‘Rafa’s cracking up’…

But hey, the Interim One laughed last, not only seeing the deficit immediately reduced with substitute Eden Hazard’s sublime chip, soon followed by an efficient equaliser from Oscar Ramirez. Unbelievably chancy Chelsea almost nicked it in the last minute too: if David De Gea had a smaller size foot Chelsea would have gone through, Juan Mata’s flick just pushed wide by the goalie’s boot.

Awaiting the replay winners (April 1st) in the semis are nasty neighbours Man City, who predictably panned Barnsley, with a hat-trick ‘driven’ by licencelychallenged Carlos Tevez. Just to prove the FA Cup is still the stuff of dreams, the other un-sexy Norf/Sarf semi is between Millwall and wayward Wigan, the Latics outminting Everton 3 -0, with three in three minutes. How’d they do that, wot with Wigan wobbling and

wavering in the dreaded drop department of the prestigious Premier League’s ‘must-stay-up-at-all-costs’.

Costs - what costs? Quaintly Pursuing Revival did ‘emselves a huge favour by strangely scoring at home, the Loftus Road lads thrilled with three thumpers after five goalless games. But does it count if it’s against stale, stuttering Sunderland? Acid test for ‘Arry’s army is Saturday against Aston Villa, whose weekend’s aggressive assault saw them roast receding Reading.

Mind you, Martin O’Neill’s men look an outside bet for the drop if they don’t watch out... and similarly sweating Southampton are entertaining levitated Liverpool, the Reds having toppled Tottenham in a 3 -2 belter at Anfield, Baleful barnstormers banned for once.

In the Champions League on Wednesday Arsenal gained a massive modicum of respect back, mastering mighty Munich 2 – 0 in their own impregnable backyard: but 3 -3 on aggregate meant away goals did for the Gunners - but what a fright they gave the German champions. Might be a while before we see the Arsenal back in Europe, though.

Hey, talking of thrillers, did you see Barcelona blow AC Milan away 4 – 0, Lionel Messi personally pulling back the 0 – 2 deficit by half-time. Just how good is he?

53 goals already this season – wow!