The Courier Week 114

Edition 114

www.thecourier.es

Friday, April 26, 2013

IT’S YOUR VOLT!

Iberdrola in €6,000 blame game IBERDROLA has been accused of ‘legalised blackmail’ after demanding €6,000 to reconnect part of an Algorfa community’s electricity supply.

DONNA GEE REPORTS

And, according to community President Brian Simmons, it’s all because someone failed to install a meter at the time Bloque 4 was constructed.

Nearly nine years after the Fontana 1 Mr Simmons, who has been in the hot seat apartment blocks in Algorfa were built, the for the past four years, says: “Up to now I, Spanish power giants have cut off one of the with fantastic backing from my wife, have communal areas, leaving residents in great somehow managed to overcome any probdanger at times. lems thrown at us. UNTIL NOW.’’ Regarding Iberdrola’s demands, he explained: “Each period we get five bills, Bloque 1, Bloque 2, Bloque 3, one that says 'Bloque 4 – Garage’ and another that says ‘Bloque 4 – Piscina’. I, like the other Presidents that preceded me, assumed that Bloque 4 was being charged on those bills.

“But no, after cutting off the power, Iberdrola are demanding €6,000 as a fine before they will re-connect us.

“We are now facing what I and the majority of owners in the development consider to be a form of legalised blackmail.

“How can they hold us responsible for a problem that was not of our making?

The problem was caused by whoever failed to put the meter in in the first place.’’

The bemused President added: “We now have a FREE UP-TO-DATE 8 PAGE quandary. Do we just pay up MOTORING PLUS PULLOUT and get reconnected at

The Fontana 1 apartments

INSIDE TODAY

Iberdrola’s leisure?

“Do we try to contest their claim? We have been told this could take months.

“During this time we have a potentially dangerous situation having no lights on the staircase to the garage.

“This could be lethal if somebody tripped in the darkness; stone steps are very unforgiving.

“Over the past year Iberdrola have cut off two other Bloques in the Community, accusing us of non-payment of bills. In each instance we had either paid the bill or they had failed to request payment for one of the Bloques.’’

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Friday, April 26, 2013

Are you a snapper? Do you have a great photo? Send it to design@thecourier.es and if we think it is good enough we will publish it as our Picture of the Week TELEPHONE

96 692 1003 679 096 309 965 99 66 66 E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Janine 616 332 178 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes Heidi Wardman John McGregor

Affiliations

Picture of the Week

JUNGLE DRUMS

Cabo Roig beach walk Photograph by TONY KING

St. George and the Wagon

CHEERS BUT NO BOOZE ON ENGLAND’S BIG DAY

By AMANDA BLACK TUESDAY was St. George’s Day and to celebrate, Playa Flamenca put on its second annual festive day, this year organised by the Royal British Legion Orihuela Branch.

Hundreds of local visitors and residents came out to participate, which overwhelmed the Policia Local with the number of cars looking for parking close to the event.

This year’s celebration was slightly lower key than in 2012, without major involvement of Spanish associations or the excellent Moors and Christians enactment troop or the slaying of the dragon by St. George.

However, the crowd was treated to a full day of entertainment provided by local artists, with the entertainment, all provided by Nigel Weekes

from Night Out Productions, to raise money and awareness of the Elche Children’s Home.

Due to a lack of Policia Local manpower, the parade from the Town Hall had to be cancelled.

Instead, the Royal British Legion made their appearance fronted by Torrevieja Pipes and Drums (pictured above) accompanied by their Irish Wolfhound mascot. The event

lasted from noon until six, all professionally presented by MC Jeff Hyde with entertainers Nick Gold, Celine Deans, Cathy Carson, Richie Alexander, Dan Davy and Paul Michaels all giving up their time to support the event.

The main complaint from those attending was the lack of a beer tent and the availability of food, which was a popular attraction last year,

although Costa Cones were kept busy with their 99s and bar service.

Local charities and self help groups were present to give advice and information.

Fundraising also took place and the RBL raised more than 1,000€, which was split between themselves and the Elche Children’s Home, chosen charity of Night Out Promotions.

Publication Published by Rainbow Media, S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 132 - 2011 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features.

Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non-appearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

Friday Cloudy / Rain High 22° Low 14° Chance of rain 25% Monday Showers High 19 Low 8° Chance of rain 60%

Tuesday Sunny High 20° Low 12° Chance of rain 0%

Saturday Rain High 22° Low 13° Chance of rain 64% Wednesday Sunny High 20° Low 11° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Rain High 17° Low 8° Chance of rain 60% Thursday Sunny High 17° Low 12° Chance of rain 0%

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Friday, April 26, 2013

RACISTS WANT ME OUT! British beach bar boss battles the bureaucrats

By SALLY BENGTSSON XANADU Beach Bar in Los Alcazares has been open since 2005. Chris O’Flaherty had to meet the Mayor in order to be given permission to buy it, and was granted a licence

by Costas to open all year round. For the first few years things ran smoothly, and Chris and his wife built up a loyal clientele of all nationalities. Chris (pictured) is an honest man and has never believed in favouritism.

About five years ago he received a notification from the Town Hall that he couldn’t open all year round. He had no problem with this, despite the fact that his licence says he can be open permanently, and decided to close for a month a year to keep the peace.

However, things didn’t stop there, he was then told he had to reduce the size of the bar, or lose his licence. As the bar is his livelihood, and his only source of income, he thought he had no choice but to remove the storeroom and toilet in order to reduce the area he is using by four square metres, from 29.75 square metres. But, you’ve guessed it, when he did this the Town Hall came up with another condition.

The latest stipulation is that he must physically remove the building for a month each year. What is the point of this?

Chris has really had enough. His wife, died from cancer two years ago; her illness exacerbated by the stress of the whole

situation and the feeling of injustice. While the Town Hall are making all these ridiculous demands on him, the neighbouring, Spanish owned bars are expanding and being left to their own devices.

The councillor who is making his life impossible has been overheard saying that the beach bars should be Spanish owned, and has accused Chris of buying the bar illegally.

Chris points out that he is just trying to make an honest living; he pays his taxes like all Spanish businesses, and

employs two permanent workers in the winter and six to nine people in the summer. But he feels he is fighting a losing battle.

When he approached the Coastal Authorities office in Murcia to explain the problems he was having, he was told there is no problem as far as they are concerned, and that he needs to sort it out with the Town Hall. “It just seems that they are being racist,” says Chris, “They were happy for us to come when tourism was booming, but now want us out.”

He adds that whenever he does go to the Town Hall he seems to see someone different, and feels that he is being passed from pillar to post. The whole situation is just wearing him down. It shouldn’t be so difficult to do things by the book. He sometimes wonders if he should have given backhanders, but that would go against all his morals.

Supporters have started a petition to keep the bar open, and in two days 200 plus people signed it. Anyone who wants to add their support can pop along to Xanadu to sign the petition. It is the second beach bar along the promenade, if you walk down from Las Velas shopping centre, and opening times at the moment are 12 noon to 18.00 approximately.

Chris, who is originally from Leeds, wants to say thank you to all his supporters, and to his solicitor Javier Marco Contesa, who has been working tirelessly to help him.

SPAIN THE PLACE FOR Car-park con cheats US, SAY 60% OF BRITS widow out of €1350

SIX out of 10 Brits seeking a place in the sun have Spain as their No.1 choice, the London Property Show has discovered.

Britain’s Alicante-based consul Paul Rodwell (pictured) joined Foreign Office staff in giving more than 1,000 Brits impartial advice on things to think about before moving abroad. And an impromptu FO survey revealed that 60 percent of would-be buyers had earmarked Spain for their new home.

New official figures show that last year some 4,148 Spanish homes were purchased by British nationals, an increase of 3.5% compared with 2011, though still far from the peak of more than 17,000 British buyers in 2007.

Access to healthcare, obtaining independent property advice and learning the language are all things to consider carefully before deciding to move abroad, Foreign Office staff advised would-be buyers at the annual ‘A Place in the Sun’ overseas homes show.

Mr Rodwell and Bernadette Gallagher, property expert for southern Europe, attended the show as part of a continuing drive by the Foreign Office to ensure that Britons who are thinking about moving abroad have all the information they need before making final decisions.

Mr Rodwell said: “We offered clear advice that helps people to think more carefully about

planning their move. We made them aware of potential pitfalls when buying property overseas, as well as thinking about other important issues such as access to healthcare and how they’re going to integrate into local life by learning the Spanish language.”

Potential buyers are encouraged to visit the wealth of information on living abroad within the UK Government’s new www.gov.uk website, as well as to look at the property advice on Spain at www.gov.uk/how-to-buy-property-in-spain .

A DISABLED pensioner has asked The Courier to warn readers of a carpark scam that cost her €1359 last week, writes SALLY BENGTSSON. Pat, a 74-year-old widow, drove into the car-park of the new Mercadona in San Javier to do her weekly shop last Wednesday. It was 1.30pm and she drove into an empty space with no other cars around. As she was about to get out, another car pulled up next to her and the driver shouted through the window that she had hit his vehicle and he thought she’d broken his arm.

Pat was sure she hadn’t, but when he insisted she looked at the damage , she got out and was shown a mark and broken wing mirror.

This is when she went into panic mode and couldn’t think straight. She got out her insurance papers to fill in the accident form, but the darkskinned man grabbed the form and said he would phone the company. He made out he was phoning AXA, and told her they had said that as he lived in France it would be better for her to pay for the damage, and that the insurance company would then reimburse

her. He then phoned, or pretended to phone a mechanic, who told him the cost of repairs would be 1,200 euros.

At the time, Pat was thinking about points on her licence, being disqualified from driving, and was worried because the man´s arm really seemed to be causing him great pain.

She thought she had agreed to drive to her insurance agent, with him following her, but when she pulled up near the AXA offices in Los Alcazares, the driver told her the insurance company had said she had to go straight to the bank, who would reimburse her.

Looking back she can’t believe she was so stupid, but she withdrew €1,200 and handed it to the scamster, who then told her that because of the broken wing mirror it would be 150 euros more.

All Pat wants is to warn other people not to all for this cruel trick. She went to the Guardia Civil afterwards and managed to give them most of the registration number of the other car, so together with some possible CCTV footage, the callous crook may yet be caught.

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Friday, April 26, 2013

Friday, April 26, 2013

COURIER MARATHON MAN JEFF IS UK No.1

Jeff Whittington, the brains behind The Courier puzzle page, is also not short of brawn.

A veteran marathon runner, he has just become the UK’s top ranked marathon man in his age group.

Jeff, who was already in the record books with son Russell as the fastest fatherand-son marathon pair, clocked 3hrs 10min 22secs in Sunday’s Virgin London Marathon – finishing first in his category.

It crowned a remarkable recovery for the veteran runner, who was hit by a car last October while out training for the 2012 Preston Guild Marathon.

Jeff, 65, suffered head injuries and it took 50 minutes for an ambulance to reach him..

After treatment at Wigan Infirmary, he made a full recovery – as the RunBritain website (pictured) confirms.

Jeff’s remarkable running record has been achieved despite the fact his heart is

regulated by a cardiac pacemaker.

But the only time he thinks about the mechanism is when he flies – because he can’t go through the X-ray machines at airports.

Says Jeff, who moved back to the UK last year but is keeping his home in Sagra as a holiday retreat: ‘‘I had it checked every year when we lived in Spain and many times I asked the medics if it was OK to run.

The reply was always ‘yes’. ‘‘I also visited my cardiologist in England, asked him the same question and was given exactly the same answer.’’

Jeff also has an advantage over his peers on the marathon circuit – he’s fresh. ‘‘I only took up running (marathons) five or six years ago, so my ‘training age’ is only five,’’ he explains. ‘‘A lot of my friends of a similar age, who have been running for many years, have dodgy knees, hips and so on, but

so far my joints are fine. ‘‘I feel great, my wife feeds me healthily, I have the occasional glass of red wine and I live a healthy lifestyle.’’

The job satisfaction is also immense. ‘‘It is a tremendous feeling when you cross the line with blokes half, sometimes a third of my age,’’ he says. ‘‘The only time I feel my age is when I look in the shaving mirror and see my Dad looking back at me.’’

How long will he keep running competitively? ‘’I’ll go on running marathons for as long as I can. I know I will slow down but I’ll only stop when I don’t enjoy it any more. ‘‘I’ve had ‘down’ moments during EVERY marathon I have ever run. When the going gets tough (normally at about 20 miles) I think, ‘Why am I doing this? It hurts. This is the last one, never again’… ‘‘Then, five minutes after crossing the finish line, I start to think ‘Where next?’’’

MISSING Can you help?

U.K.MISSING PERSON APPEAL IAN WATSON Missing from Stockport Greater Manchester since Oct 2000.

Ian is described as a white man aged 65-years-old, 5ft 11 in tall medium build, wavy grey hair and blue eyes.

At the time of his disappearance it is believed Ian was clean shaven.

He was last seen in the Oriheula area of Spain on 16 October 2000.

Ian was visiting the area in order to finalize the purchase of a villa. It has now been several years since Ian was reported missing.

If anyone reading this has any information concerning his whereabouts, please contact Greater Manchester Police on 0044 161 856 8499 / 9151/ 2234 you can also visit our website: www.gmp.police.uk GMP Missing Person Reference Number: MP/05/0000795 OR get in touch with missing people 116 000 or contact www.missingabroad.org

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Friday, April 26, 2013

editor@thecourier.es

COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

The cruelty of a poisoned mind MANY people have stopped me to enquire what has happened to the cats I feed underneath Johnson’s Supermarket in Ciudad Quesada, hence this letter to let them know the sad story.

Over three years ago a tortoiseshell cat was abandoned and found refuge through a hole in the wall under Johnson’s supermarket. I fed and watered her before trapping her to take to the vet for a check up, spaying and then returning her to her

refuge.

Some months later another tortoiseshell cat was dumped there, which I trapped and took to the vet for a check up and spaying, I called her Popeye and the other one Beauty. About seven months ago a kitten was dumped there and all lived quite happily together – no harm to anyone. Then about the last week in March some exceedingly cruel, despicable person poisoned them leaving them to die a slow agonizing death under Johnson’s where I was unable to

do anything to ease their suffering. Why are some people so cruel? Why are they unable to live and let live and enjoy the wonderment and beauty of nature?

JOE (THE CAT MAN) Ciudad Quesada Sadly the world is full of low lifes capable of such actions, Joe (that’s him pictured).

The reality is that pre-meditated evil is an ‘asset’ exclusive to only one type of animal...and that is man.

- EDITOR

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IDIOT’S GUIDE TO RYANAIR Take it as read: Orihuela Costa residents protest

Reading between the library lines I HAVE read with considerable interest of the ceremonial opening of the new Maria Moliner Library in Orihuela on Tuesday April 23. The library was officially inaugurated in a ceremony that had children from local schools presenting books.

The ruling Councillors from Orihuela Council would have been out in force accepting the congratulations from the local population, who are now be blessed with two libraries within the city boundaries.

What a kick in the face for the residents of Orihuela Costa, who have advocated for

years for the provision of just one library on the coast.

How can it be fair that Orihuela, with a population of equal numbers to Orihuela Costa, should have two valuable amenities whilst the coastal residents have none?

Why is it that the coast is discriminated against yet again?

Why is the coast constantly disadvantaged while the city continues to be enriched by the taxes collected from Orihuela Costa residents?

LIZ PAGE, Disgusted Resident, Orihuela Costa

Cutting the Costa ORIHUELA town opened a second library on Tuesday.

This will make two libraries for the town.

Orihuela Costa has no library. However, the list can be continued: Residential Homes - Orihuela 1 Costa None. Centre for old people - Orihuela 1, Costa None. Theatres Orihuela 2 Costa None. Cemetery - Orihuela 1 Costa None.

However the coast does score highly in negative ways: Prefabricated Schools - Costa 2 Orihuela None.

Unkempt parks - Costa Several Orihuela None.

Why is Orihuela always getting preference over the coast when the populations are virtually the same?

SAM MOIS (Bemused of Orihuela Costa)

DEAR Editor, Once again you have proved what an absolute idiot you are regarding your article about Ryanair (Issue 112, April 19).

You asked them three questions - well, you had two questions within each question.

Only someone who has never travelled before would think that each airline has its own staff at the boarding gate. As for commission, the mind boggles to even suggest this as an income generating scheme for the employees.

Let us now look at your question No.2. Ryanair inform everyone of their rules which form a legal contract between you and them. They operate an equal sex policy whereby every passenger is treated the same. Are you suggesting that women should be treated differently from men? If so let us open the floodgates. The weight and size of the cabin On the subject of bag is set by the airline and idiots, who’s the you agreed with that when prat in the hat? you bought the ticket. Why should you be allowed to exceed these rules just because you are a woman?

Only a complete dimwit would think that if one breaks the rules it is OK because one is a woman! Everyone who does not 'play by the rules' will incur a penalty. This penalty is set

by Ryanair to remind the passenger that next time, obey the rules or pay for it (again).

If you have travelled on Monarch and Jet2.com, to mention those quoted in your article, they have larger overhead lockers and charge more for the flights because they need an extra 30 minutes turnaround time because of the few inconsiderate passengers trying to put their two pieces of 'hand luggage' in the overhead lockers.

I feel that I am being punished by this minority of inconsiderate passengers who take up so much time and space with their slow boarding. Personally, I don’t like the idea of having to wait in line to board or even having to be at the gate more than five minutes prior to boarding. However, I obey the rules with a smile on my face and my mouth shut. I complained the only way that Ryanair will understand and that is by not using them, which I have now done even though it is hurting me in the wallet.

You remind me of the anecdote attributed to the late

Margaret Thatcher speaking about her husband, Denis, when she said “Denis, everyone thinks you are an idiot, don't open your mouth and prove it”. Whilst I do not consider myself to be Margaret Thatcher I most certainly think of you as Denis Thatcher in this context.

STEPHEN LEVI, Santiago de la Ribera I am sick of letters and articles in your paper slagging off Ryanair. I have flown with them and have had NO problems as I have stuck to their rules.

The last time I flew with them (January 2013) I booked a seat (this I always do, whatever company I use).To my surprise and delight I was give Priority Boarding FREE with this. So yes, you can get freebies with Ryanair.

I thought I'd found a flight for my son with Thomson, from Cardiff to Alicante, not a bad price BUT cabin luggage was only 5 kilos, at least Ryanair is 15 and cheaper flights.

About handbags, have you seen the size of some ladies handbags these days? And as the saying goes, give an inch and they will take a mile.Enough said about handbags I think.

C.TAYLOR, Almoradi I look forward to reading your column, Donna, and usually agree with your comments but unfortunately I totally disagree with your problem with Ryanair. If you had bothered to read their terms and conditions or the emails they sent you before your flight, it clearly says one bag only is acceptable at the boarding gate. Now I know its a petty situation to put your handbag into your flight bag but that's what Ryanair state you have to do.

We travel back to the UK about 6 times a year with Ryanair and have heard all the arguments at the airport when people get charged and say they will never travel again with Ryanair.

We would rather carry our one bag onto the aircraft knowing we have paid half the price of Jet2 than cause a scene at the airport trying to get a further handbag through as well.

I am surprised you have continued reporting this in your column as you are at fault for not reading what is clearly stated in their emails to you.The moral is: Don’t book with Ryanair if you don’t want t play by the rules.

TREVOR HAMPSHIRE

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Letters and emails will only be considered for publication in The Courier if an address and contact number are provided (not for publication)

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Friday, April 26, 2013

FLYING THE FLAK YOU can’t say I don’t give my critics a platform to rail at me. Or in this case, fly at me.

Just look at the flak they’ve fired at me on Page 6 for having the audacity to moan about the hidden part off Ryanair’s fares.

According to reader Stephen Levi, I am an “absolute idiot’’ and a “complete dimwit’’. Welcome to the club, Stephen (poor patronising plonker can’t see that the handbag scam is a hidden part of Ryanair’s ticket price).

Cabin luggage penalties only affect a minority of passengers, but you can bet the income helps to subsidise Michael O’Leary’s exalted ‘our fares are the cheapest’ claims. To fly Monarch and Jet2 may be slightly more expensive (and not always, I might add), but there’s not a hint of the jobsworth aggression and rudeness I experienced in the Ryanair priority queue at Alicante on April 7.

It’s also good to know that if you opt for an airline other than Ryanair, there’s no chance of running out of fuel because their rivals fill up their tanks rather than carry only enough for the flight.

Ryanair have been in hot water before over their risky policy of carrying only

Ryanair...diary of a dimwitted idiot CUP CAKES, GATEAUX AND I’M STILL LOSING!)

enough fuel for the trip rather than filling the plane’s tanks. One of my Ryanair cabin crew ‘moles’ informs me that it’s still happening.

He or she (I’m not saying which) tells me a recent Dublin-Alicante flight was delayed for nearly two hours after using so much fuel taxiing in a long take-off queue that there wasn’t enough in the tankfor the flight itself.

I am informed that the pilot had to return to the stand for refuelling before he could get airborne.

“How they can they leave the stand without enough fuel?’’ asks my contact. “It’s incredible that the plane

used so much fuel in 30 minutes taxiing that the captain decided to go back to stand to pick up more fuel - which caused a 1hr 45min delay.’’

At least the passengers on that flight were spared the ridiculous Ryanair jingle that accompanies the announcement that the flight has arrived on time. It’s another scam orchestrated by the manipulation of the scheduled flight times to make innocent passengers think, for example, that it takes three hours to fly from Alicante to Manchester. This ploy allows the flight to be half-an-hour late and still appear to be on time.

I know the Ryanair rules as well as anybody. It is not so much the rules that infuriate me, as the petty way in which they utilise jobsworths to enforce them.

I’ve never seen confrontations over cabin luggage involving Monarch and Jet2 passengers – and I doubt I ever will. All I want from Ryanair is the same honesty their rivals demonstrate.

In other words, scrap the handbag fines and put up your fares to cover the income you will lose as a result.

Then we will all be competing on the same playing field.

I SHOULD be feeling guilty after my first weigh-in for three weeks revealed I’d lost just 400 grams during my 16-day ‘holiday’ in the UK. Even the excitement of cheering my beloved Cardiff City into the Premier League couln’t shift any more surplus energy. The consolation is that I more than achieved my goal of not GAINING weight while I was away - though I’m not sure how. I had one enormous blowout when Brenda - my TOTAL LOSS, 12 WEEKS lovely hostess in Cardiff took me out for a luxury ‘high tea’ and I forgot myself. Endless exotically filled sandwiches, cup cakes, sugar-coated biscuits and mini gateaux January 10th - 93.2 kilos later, I conceded I must April 24th - 82.9 kilos have put on at least a kilo. Target weight - 77.2 kilos But one week and several blowouts later, I’m wondering just how I managed to guzzle much too much and continue to lose weight.

Wednesday’s weigh-in at the Beauty and Wellness Studio in Pueblo Bravo was both a relief and a disappointment. A relief that I had lost 400 grams and disappointment that it could have been so much more had I not stuffed myself in Cardiff.

I now have nine weeks to lose the remaining 5.7 kilos of the 16-kilo target I set myself when I started Dumpy Old Gran’s sponsored diet back in January.

With more than £700 donated so far to Crohn’s Disease research, I owe it to my sick granddaughter Daisy to push that figure up to £1,000. To reinforce my determination, go to www.justgiving.com/donna-gee

10.3 kilos

(1 stone 8 lbs 10 oz)

Case of the two-size cages IF you've been paying attention since I started this blog ,, you'll be aware that one of my pet peeves is the unprofessional approach of some of the free English language newspapers on the Costa Blanca. They run on a shoestring, and encourage enthusiastic amateurs to contribute just to get their name in print - and it shows! Some of the pieces are full of typos, poor sentence structure and grammar.

One of the happy exceptions is The Courier, which is a relatively new kid on the block, being a little over two years old.

Consultant editor Donna Gee runs a tight ship, and she doesn't pull any punches. I don't always agree with her opinions, but I do always enjoy reading her columns, because she says what other people are thinking.

Last week, Donna was incandescent with rage after being forced to pay €50 to check in her hand luggage, because when she put her handbag into her case - as per their rules - it wouldn't fit into their anorexic luggage cage. As she said, effectively it was a fine for being a lady and carrying a handbag, and it happens all the time.

I'm right with Donna on this. When we moved to Spain five years ago, T. J. Hughes - remember them? - had some stylish suitcases on offer which were guaranteed to fit

THERE are two sides to every argument - and Eye on Spain blogger SANDRA PIDDOCK has similar views to me on Ryanair. She published this article under the heading ‘Ryanair's ridiculous hand luggage rules - I'm with Donna Gee on this one!’ the infamous luggage cages. I thought it was a good idea to have two dedicated bags to use when we were travelling to and fro, so we could toss things in there as we thought of them.

I took along the tape measure just to make sure, and even allowing for a bit of expansion, the measurements were just right to fit Ryanair's diktats guidelines.

In fact, all the airlines give the same measurements for hand luggage, so why was it that when I took my shiny new suitcase along to our local airport for a dummy run, it would fit snugly into Easyjet's and Flybe's cages, but couldn't even be forced into Ryanair's?

Because Ryanair's cage is smaller, that's why!

Even worse than our wasted purchase of suitcases was this story. A friend flying from Bristol tried their case in the cage at check in and it was fine, but when they were asked

to fit the case into the cage at the boarding gate, it wouldn't go. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but it's pretty clear to me that the cage at the boarding gate is smaller than the one at check in, because once you get there, it's too late to jettison some stuff, so you have to fork out to check in the bag.

It happened to us once - the case easily fitted into the optional cage downstairs, but when it came to the compulsory check upstairs, it had suddenly and inexplicably gained girth - just like when I look at a slice of Bailey's cheesecake.

The operative on the departure gate detailed with repelling all boarders said I'd have to pay to check in the bag, but I launched a two pronged attack. I opened the bag and filled all my pockets - and my husband’s - with as much stuff as we could fit into them, and when she said we weren't supposed to do that, I replied 'And you're not supposed to use a smaller cage up here than you use downstairs.' I was hoping she'd argue a bit more, so that I could call the manager and test my accusation, but she let

me through - probably because she knew that it wouldn't stand up to investigation.

Like Donna, I'm also incensed that they don't allow women to carry even the smallest handbag on board. I've got around that one by using a very slim pouch with just a few euros and essentials such as a comb, a few printed out sudoku puzzles and a pack of tissues in it. My 'real' bag is packed empty - into the hand luggage for use on the other side, and Tony carries the passports and boarding cards in his jacket pocket. I conceal my pouch under a jacket that zips up to the neck, once we've gone through security, and so I beat Ryanair at their own dastardly game.

In Alicante Airport's shops, there are numerous signs saying that purchases can be carried on in addition to your hand luggage.

They should amend those signs to read 'Unless you're travelling with Ryanair.' They should be shamed at every available opportunity, until they either stop these sharp practices or rename the airline 'Dick Turpin Airlines,' because what they're doing amounts to highway robbery.

Unfortunately, it's no longer a capital offence.

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WE have a new member of our pub discussion group.

I do believe I mentioned him recently. Louis lives next door to me. He had formerly refused to leave the house after viewing the Mel Gibson film Conspiracy Theory some years back.

Louis was not only convinced that all world events were triggered by shadowy figures on high but that those same powerful people were primarily out to get HIM. Anyway, all that changed when I had a quiet word with Louis and he agreed to accompany me to the hostelry.

On the way there he confessed that part of the reason he wouldn't previously venture outdoors was that some unfeeling idiot had nicknamed him Indoor Lou and thus he had felt embarrassed about meeting other folk.

'Gentlemen,' I announced to the pub group, 'I would like you to meet my good friend and neighbour Louis. But please don't stare at him. He has issues.'

A round of applause rang out around the bar. In a welcoming gesture, Dave the

Friday, April 26, 2013

HOW DO, LOU barman handed Louis a bottle of ale.

'My goodness,' I observed to Louis. 'Dave the barman must like you. He usually presents new customers with a half-pint of his watereddown draught beer. Consider this an honour.'

'Wow!' said Louis, flushed with flattery. He held up the bottle in a salute. 'Cheers, Mr Barman.'

'My pleasure,' said Dave the barman. 'That'll be £3.50 please.'

Daft Barry approached and shook Louis by the hand.

'Ouch!' yelled Louis.

'Barry!' I yelled. 'Take off that electric shock handshake gadget concealed in your palm immediately or I shall chastise you.'

'But electric handshakes are funny,' argued Daft Barry.

'So are finger rings that squirt water, rubber horror teeth and all that other sophisticat-

ed stuff. Anyway,' he sniffed, 'You're not my dad, Grumpy Dave Silver.'

'I bet that's debatable,' said Ol' Red Eyes, waking up from one of his regular comas. He forced open one reddened eye and surveyed the stranger standing before him. Louis was looking most uncomfortable clutching a bottle of ale in one hand and £3.50 in the other.

'And you are?' asked Ol' Red Eyes, fighting to stay awake.

'This is a new friend of ours,' I interjected. 'His name is Louis and he doesn't get out much.'

Ol' Red Eyes held out a gnarled hand in greeting but missed the target and fell off his stool.

From his prone position on the floor, Ol' Red Eyes asked: 'Are you the fellow that Dave Silver named Indoor Lou? What a cruel

thing to do.'

I quickly draped a bar towel over Ol' Red Eyes' upturned face but it was an unnecessary action because the old duffer had already gone back to sleep.

Dave the barman made a grab for the £3.50 in Indoor Lou's fist, shoved the money into the cash till and held out his hand. 'Gimme back that bottle of ale, Louis, and I'll take the top off for you. It's yours to drink now that you've paid for it.'

Indoor Lou whispered into my ear: 'Is it always like this in here? I mean I thought my life was weird but these people are quite extraordinary in their idiosyncracies and clearly strange behaviour.'

I nodded. 'Would you believe a team of psychologists once came into this pub looking for people to study in a research project.'

'I bet they found plenty of

subjects,' observed Indoor Lou. 'Surprisingly not,' I shrugged.

'They only seemed interested in me.'

Indoor Lou took a swig from his bottle of ale and pulled a face. 'Yuk. This beer tastes like gnat's whatsits.'

'The crafty devil,' I said.

'Dave the barman must have emptied some of the ale into his secret supply bowl and then topped off the bottle under the water tap. When the bowl is full he'll rebottle the ale and sell it again.'

And so the evening continued in typical style. Ol' Red Eyes woke up and went back to sleep several times. Daft Barry played several games of darts against himself and lost every time.

And Dave the barman counted his money, ensuring that he had sufficient to cover that night's contribution to his water rates.

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Friday, April 26, 2013

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH LESSON 68

lated only as ´to wait for´ but I certainly tend to use it more for ´to hope´ in the context of hoping something has hap¡Hola! Buenos días y bienvenido a mi columna pened (or not!)

´Say it in Spanish´. Esta semana vamos a aprender otro verbo, pero, primero aquí están Firstly let´s learn the conjugation of the verb ESPERAR las respuestas de las traducciones de la sema- note that it is an AR verb and it also conjugates as a regular AR verb, so try and think in your head or write down the na pasada: I believe that they are in the house – creo que ellos estén en la casa, I want the boy to eat more – quiero que el chico coma más, it´s certain that she´s coming – es cierto que ella viene, it´s probable that they will return soon – es probable que ellos vuelvan pronto, I hope you have had a good day – espero que hayas pasado un buen día,I recommend that you read the book – yo recomiendo que tú leas el libro, it´s necessary that she buys groceries (comestibles) – es necesario que compre comestibles, The man is certain that the woman cooks every day – el hombre está seguro que la mujer cocina cada día, it is advisable (es aconsejable) that you exercise every day – es aconsejable que hagas ejercicios cada día, we hope that you would come to the party – esperamos que tú vengas a la fiesta.

conjugations before moving on. I hope you are able to look at the verb and immediately conjugate it into all 6 present tense conjugations.

So here they are, how did you do?

Yo espero, tú esperas, él/ella espera, nosotros esperamos, vosotros esperáis, ellos/ellas esperan Examples using esperar for to wait – espero el autobus – I wait for the bus, esperamos a Pepe – we are waiting for Pepe, Ella espera todo el día – she waits all day no han esperado mucho tiempo – they haven´t waited very long esperaré una hora más – I will wait one more hour

Ahora vamos a aprender un verbo muy útil, un verbo que significa dos cosas independientes, el verbo es esperar y en inglés podemos decir ´to wait´ o ´to hope´ Entonces, este verbo es importante porque podemos usarlo muchísimo. Cuántas veces has dicho ´espero que todo esté bien´ o ´espero que pases un buen día´? En inglés traduce como: I hope everything is OK and I hope you have a good day.

Normally in Spanish verb books esperar is trans-

Espero que no tengo que esperar mucho!

Él había esperado toda la semana – he had waited all week.

Now here are some more examples of using esperar to say ´to hope´ and remember when we use it to mean ´to hope´ the verb it goes with is conjugated in the subjunctive because there is no degree of certainty: Espero que yo pueda verte mañana – I hope I can see you tomorrow, él espera que no hay mucho trabajo – he hopes that there is not a lot of work.

As you can see from the above, when the verb is used to mean ´to wait´ it follows the rules for regular verbs, when it is used to mean ´to hope´ the word que is added after the conjugated form of esperar. Basically it´s like adding the word ´that´ to the sentence, I hope that it doesn´t rain, I hope that he´s not late, I hope that I can see you tomorrow.

We don´t always say ´that´ but in Spanish it is imperative that you add que .

As we know, this is because it is the present subjunctive which means there is an element of wanting or desire, the following verbs add que when used in this way: esperar - to hope, exigir – to demand, insistir en – insist on , ojalá – I strongly hope, wish, pedir – to request, preferir – to prefer, querer – to want, rogar – to pray, beg, sugerir – to suggest Examples: él prefiere que yo hable – he prefers that I talk, quiero que Juan estudie – I want John to study (literally I want that John study) I will leave you to work out some ways to incorporate the above into your daily life, even if you wish someone a good day or tell them you hope they have a good day, or hope you can go somewhere or do something. It is a very useful verb and one that should be used daily.

Espero que tengáis una buena semana ¡Hasta la próxima!

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Friday, April 26, 2013

THE FIGHT TO FIND FERGIE A FUTURE

FERGIE, the dog from Cordoba killing station, has been with us now for two weeks after we rescued him and his condition is still very bad.

This week he has had dry conjunctivitis, where there is no moisture in his eyes, an ear infection, the worst cough I have ever heard in a dog - and his skin is still trying to heal, after he was found with his fur just matted to his body and covered in fleas and ticks.

He is getting around-the-clock treatment from us and we just hope he makes it.

Lola, our female German Shepherd, has been keeping vigil besides him and I sometimes wonder whether she is Florence Nightingale reincarnated.

How a dog can be allowed to get to this terrible condition is simply beyond me, but we are doing everything we can to make sure Fergie recovers and lives out the rest of his days with us in happiness and comfort.

As you know, there are thousands more dogs in Spain who need to be rescued and receive urgent medical treatment, which is why we have set up our charity, where 100% of the funds go towards helping these poor dogs If anyone would be kind enough to donate, you can do by sending money either to my Paypal

account which is peter@thedogyouneed.com or to our charity bank account with Nat West.

The details for this account are, sort code - 6016-03 and account number - 73754900. Please donate whatever you can. Even one euro will help, in the plight to help as many dogs survive as we possibly can.

If Fergie would have spent one more day in that killing station he would have died.

As I write this, he is wrapped up in front of me in a blanket, as he tries to recover from his dreadful ordeal . And, I cannot stress it enough, we know of so many more dogs who urgently need medical care and love to survive.

We are doing everything we possibly can to help these dogs and with more funds we can help even more. Everything we do is transparent and everyone is kept up to date on how the money has been spent, which we feel is very important.

If anyone would like to receive updates on the work we do and also to receive my regular newsletters on dog behaviour, please email me at peter@thedogyouneed.com and I will then place your details on my mailing list.

We are passionate about our work and any help we receive would go a long way towards helping the next poor dog who is suffering.

Lola has not left Fergie's side since he arrived

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? Rusty born approx Jan 2011 is a medium sized boy, he was found wandering in a very bad state, he is a lovely boy he likes everyone, dogs and even cats too. For more info about Rusty please call PEPA on 650 304 746.

Rusty BONGO is a 2 year old male crossbreed. He is a happy, healthy and sweet natured small dog; his blood tests are all clear and he is fully vaccinated, micro chipped and castrated. 966 710 047

Bongo Maisie is a black Lab cross about 2 years old.

She is very affectionate and is fine with other dogs and is not interested in cats.

Please call 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Boycee is now around 11 weeks old and was found in a bin, he is a lovely, happy pup and will be medium/large when fully grown. Call: 645 469 253

CASIUS is a 5 month old Mastin crossbreed so will grow to be quite a big boy, he has a lovely temperament and will make a loyal and loving pet and has now been fully vaccinated and micro chipped. 966 710 047

Tango is a lovely, playful little fellow born around the middle of November 2012.

He has beautiful tabby markings and just can’t wait to meet you! Please contact Joe on 966719272 or speak with Rose in the shop.

Boycee

Casius

Tango

Freddie was found sat in the road in the rain, luckily he was rescued but it would be great to find him his forever home. He is a fox terrier cross, approximately a year and a half old, castrated with all his vaccinations up to date. 610188349.

Freddie

Ollie is a medium sized young boy 23kgs. He loves sitting outside watching the world go by. He’s very loving but reserved and tends to be shy until he’s sure it’s all ok.

He is waiting for his forever home.

For more info please call the PEPA helpdesk on 650 304 746. www.pepaspain.com

Ollie

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Friday, April 26, 2013

DO YOU NEED MONEY?

LÍNEA DIRECTA IS GIVING AWAY UP TO €300 IN CASH Línea Directa Aseguradora is the insurer of choice for foreign residents in Spain.

Since 1998, it has offered all its services in both English and German, including the purchase of the policy, handling claims, forwarding documents and 24-hour road assistance. It has now taken another step in its commitment to its foreign policyholders with a remarkable offer: Línea Directa is giving its customers up to €300 when they recommend the company’s excellent car and home insurance to their friends and family.

How does it work?

It’s very easy. For each person purchasing car or home insurance, that has been recommended by a Línea Directa customer, the company will give €30 to both the current policyholder and the new customer. To qualify for this offer, the new customer must call the company with the name and ID number (NIE or passport) of the person who recommended Línea Directa and, if the policy is finally signed, both parties will receive the money in 45 days.

The offer is limited to a maximum of 10 people per customer, which could result in a profit of up to 300 euros, a considerable amount in the current economic crisis.

The offer, the only one of its kind in the insurance sector, will be valid until June 30 2013.

About Línea Directa Aseguradora Línea Directa Asegurador is the fifth largest motor insurer in Spain, and specialises in the sale of direct car, motorbike, company fleet and home insurance. It currently has over 2 million customers and almost 2,000 employees providing a service to the whole of Spain in Spanish, English and German.

Call now: 902 123 104

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Friday, April 26, 2013

HOW MANY MORE? AS it emerges Rolf Harris is the latest celebrity to have been interviewed by Yewtree, otherwise known as the Jimmy Savile enquiry, I began to get mixed feelings about the public.

I was reading statements from people who were criticising the police for arresting an 83 year old man, and as I continued down the comments page I wondered if these were the same people who, only months earlier had been condemning the police for not acting sooner with regards to Savile.

So is it a case of only J i m m y S a v i l e should have been punished or a case of, as he was a paedophile of that there appears

to be no doubt, and the other people arrested may not have been as prolific, that they should be allowed to live out their lives without being even spoken to by the police?

Surely if Rolf Harris or Stuart Hall or Dave Lee Travis or any of the many people arrested, high profile or not, have abused even one child they should face the consequences of their actions.

The allegations against Harris are that he abused one woman when she was a teenager, her age now is not known but one can surmise she is now around my age or older. It also came to light after daily newspaper The Sun ´outed´ Harris that his lawyers had done everything to conceal his identity from the public, although with Twitter and other sites that has become almost impossible.

However it begs another question, should people accused of a crime be named before they are found guilty, if the identity of the victims remain anonymous (and I firmly believe this should be the case) then what about those that are being accused? Should they not be afforded the same level of anonymity?

If someone is arrested for a serious crime and is believed to pose a risk to the public then they are kept in custody until their trial, and those whose offences are not deemed as serious and for whom there are no grounds to be remanded get freed on bail. I would argue that the allegation against Rolf Harris is many years old and, as an 83 year old, he poses no risk. Therefore why name him?

As devil’s advocate I will state a good reason for naming him could be this: he is a high profile figure, one of the most famous men in the UK as well as his native Australia I have no doubt, therefore who is to say that had he committed this crime he hasn´t committed more? And being such a famous face his naming may give other women the courage to come

forward and state that they too were his victims.

I was born in the early 70´s so grew up in the 80´s. To me the 80´s were a time of great music, nightclubs, bad fashion and Saturday morning television. I had since read that the celebrities of the time were being come onto by groupies and that this was rife. The men just couldn´t turn down all those requests and ages were never asked for, have things changed so much now?

However, bear in mind celebrities have got younger, Rolf Harris in the 80´s would have been in his 50´s if indeed this is when the alleged offence took place, now pop and TV stars are in their teens or 20´s so taking advantage of groupies or fans may not be frowned upon in the same way, although it was apparently not condemned in the 1980s, at least not among the circle of stars who have come out in defence of their peers.

It takes a lot of guts to come forward as a victim of crime especially when the accused is a famous person, I cannot believe, even in this day of instant celebrity that anyone would want to be thrust into the limelight as a victim of anything let alone a sexual offence. That said I am also aware there are people who want to have their 5 minutes of fame and will find a way.

I am glad I am not in the police any more and this is all behind me but I am curious to know the facts and then I will try and make my own mind up about all the famous people arrested. Let the facts speak for themselves let those accused face a jury of their peers or at least allow the CPS to see all the information before making a decision.

I don´t know if Rolf Harris or any of the others are guilty but I do know that, whatever the outcome, it will not change my opinion of him as an entertainer. My opinion of him as a human being however, that´s a different story.

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Friday, April 26, 2013

TIME FOR BERNIE TO FIND RIGHT FORMULA Principle always seems to come at a price. The F1 boss, Bernie Ecclestone, seemed to have a belated pang of conscience last weekend in Bahrain when he said that the Bahraini Government was exploiting Sunday’s race for political reasons and they were “stupid to hold it”.

Last year it had to be cancelled due to the likelihood of protests and violence, but Bernie still gave the green light for it to go ahead this time round. I hope then that at least he’ll donate some of the millions he got from the oil rich state to worthy causes like hungry children or Amnesty International.

The only person who seems to be stupid in all of this is Ecclestone him-

self with Monday's news that the F1 circus will be coming back to Bahrain for the next five years. So much for his brief bit of moral conscience, because with Bernie, money seems to do all the talking, and with his verbal cartwheeling skills, he would have been greatly suited for high political office!

There was a wonderful example of the pot calling the k e t t l e black this w e e k .

The last Labour chancell o r , Alistair Darling,

q

quite rightly called for his party not to make any silly statements on spending more money if they come to power in two years time.

He’s called on the party bosses to wait to see what George Osborne does, but wasn’t Mr.Darling the guy who was writing out blank cheques like the world was about to end before the last election in 2010?

There was some rare political unity in last Sunday’s London Marathon.

George Osborne sponsored his Labour rival Ed Balls to the healthy tune of fifty pounds, as he completed the course in just under five and a quarter hours. The challenge for next year must surely to be to get the Communities Secretary, Eric Pickles, to do the race in at least a motorised scooter,

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assuming the tyres don’t burst in a matter of seconds!

You can’t pick and choose like going to the old Pick n ’Mix counter at a branch of Woolies. That’s what the Scottish National Party seem to be doing over their independence plans, should they win the referendum vote next year. The SNP’s Nicola Sturgeon has said they want to keep the pound if they are victorious, as part of a new “sterling zone”. Good luck on that one say George Osborne and his Lib-Dem sidekick, Danny Alexander. Surely Scotland should aim to introduce the Euro if they vote to break the umbilical cord with the rest of the UK? Or is the First Minister, Alex Salmond, too frightened to let that nasty genie out of the bottle?

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You are always sure of q a friendly welcome in West Sussex. There’s a new community boarding school being set up in the South Downs that’ll take in some 600 students for free from deprived areas of London.

That’s caused a blitz of protest from local residents who are saying that the natural beauty of the area will be affected along with major disruption to the local community. I’m surprised that they didn’t mention the chances of catching sleeping sickness and syphilis into the bargain! Of course the fact that the majority of the youngsters will come from an ethnic background has surely not influenced the views of the many Colonel Blimp’s in the area, but county councillor, John Cherry, has let the cat out of

the bag. He said that “Ninety seven per cent of the students would be black or Asian”, and that “the Chinese would rise to the top and the Pakistanis won’t”. He also said that “certain nationalities don’t value hard work”.

Surely such racist comments have nothing to do with playing to the locals and it must surely be one hell of a coincidence that the West Sussex County Council elections are taking place next week? Mr.Cherry at least took the action of resigning from the Conservative Party as he whipped up a storm, though moves had already started to get rid of him. He'll still be on the ballot paper though, and guess what? There's a UKIP candidate standing against him!

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Friday, April 26, 2013

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Friday, April 26, 2013

SANDS ROAST – A 25-YEAR TOAST! The Sands Bistro opened its doors in May 1988 with John Davis, his daughter Karen and her fiancé Dave. Later that year the rest of the family followed.

John was a publican and chef with over 25 years’ experience in the U.K. at one time working at Buckingham Palace. John and his wife Mary had originally planned on retirement as John had recently undergone heart surgery. He purchased a closed burger-bar and went about transforming it into one of the Costa’s longest standing restaurants.

After 18 months Dave & Karen took over the restau-

rant for themselves leaving John & Mary to retire, although not completely as in 1991 Dave and Karen married and started a family in 1993 so for John and Mary grandparent duties looking after Sam and Daniela soon took up most of their spare time!

Over the past 25 years

they have seen many changes in Torrevieja; in the building boom of the early 1990's they saw an apartment block built on the "green zone" in front of them! They lost their sea views (hence the choice of name - The Sands Bistro) and most of their outside space. They didn't let this

deter them and changed the menus, at one time serving breakfasts and daytime snacks. They now open evenings only with a full a la carte choice and their popular 3 course 15€ menu.

Sundays are fairly unchanged over 25 years still keeping to a traditional Sunday roast, lunchtime and evenings.

Over the 25 years they have served over 60,000 Sunday roasts and prepared more than one million roast potatoes (Dave believes he has peeled all of them, he he!)

They have worked hard keeping attention to detail and a personal service top

priority, Fresh produce, weekly changing menus and quality ingredients are what they believe has kept clients coming back for more. Karen can cater for dietary needs, celiac and vegetarian dishes are always available and as all the dishes are homemade she knows exactly what's gone in.

Four years ago they had to shut whilst repair work to the apartment block was being done; they took this opportunity to have a complete refit throughout.

Unfortunately the work took much longer than was expected and reopening after 8 months, just when

the crisis hit, was a testing time. Regular customers soon returned and now the restaurant is frequented by many nationalities - a firm favourite with many Scandinavians and Spanish all enjoying English cuisine.

Traditional home cooked food has always been the ingredient to their success and will be for many years to come.

Both love their life here in Spain and cannot think of a better place to bring up a family and work. Here’s to the next 25 years!!

The photos attached are of the opening night in 1988 and then this week…25 years on.

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Friday, April 26, 2013

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Michael wanted to know whether he could ADVICE: Peter wanted to know how to forward emails in remove Java from his computer without problems.

Outlook.Com Hi Richard, I said it wouldn`t be long before I came back to you with another query didn`t I! I read in your paper column last week your reply to a question regarding the pop up from java that kept appearing on his computer and was it safe to click yes and install, to which you said yes and advised to install java. Well strangely enough I to was getting the same messages and so followed your advice and clicked yes allow the changes.

However now comes the problem, I use rapport on my computer and since clicking yes the rapport console will not open allowing me to view the reports. I contacted rapport, after having viewed their help page and following the update rapport, which did not solve the problem and they have come back with some help suggesting that the problem lies with java. They gave me a link to run a test page which I did and according to the results java is installed and running correctly.

My simple question to you is can I uninstall java without causing any detriment to the normal running of my computer and internet etc., as this seems to be the solution to the rapport problem. I assume that in the meantime rapport is still protecting my computer, as it is still running even though I cannot see any results/reports from it. Regards, Michael

Q

Hi Michael, the simple answer is yes you can remove Java from your computer, and it’s true that although it’s perfectly safe (well as safe as having an operating system) for Java to be on your computer, it does provide another method for nasty’s to get onto your computer. Some security experts recommend removing it completely from your computer, but it’s also a fact that Java is used for some functions on websites and if it’s kept up to date then you are doing everything you can to ensure that the vulnerabilities on your computer are minimised.

So the honest answer to your question is yes you can remove it and in doing so you “may” not experience any issues at all, however you may also find that some functions on some websites stop working, probably the best thing to do is remove it and see if anything stops working, if it doesn’t then you can probably live without it.

A

Q A

Hi Richard, sorry to trouble you, but I have now been switched from Hotmail to Outlook, and can't seem to find a way to forward e mails! Can you help? Kind regards, Peter.

Hi Peter, this one catches everyone out when they start to use Outlook.Com for the first time. You will find the forward option by clicking the little arrow next to the reply button. Hope this helps.

ADVICE: Mike wanted to know how to get sound from his laptop onto his TV using the HDMI cable Dear Richard... I'm hoping you can help me... I have tried to connect my HP 620 laptop using Windows 7 to my TV through an HDMI cable and I get a picture but no sound... what am I doing incorrectly?

Cheers... Mike

Q

Hi Mike, apologies for the delay, things are pretty hectic here at the moment, guess that’s a good thing?

I think your problem is with the default setting for sound on your HDMI connection, you should connect up your TV and then on your laptop go into the control panel and open up "sound", in the playback tab (the first one) you will probably see "Digital Audio (HDMI)", you need to click on it and then click "Set Default" - you should then get sound to your TV. It will default back to your laptop once you remove the HDMI cable.

Hope this helps.

Update: Wonderful... many thanks Richard, all working fine now... cheers... Mike

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Hola Richard. I would like to say a million thanks for the efficient and professional way you dealt with my computer problem. After almost a year of trying to get this problem sorted out by various computer technicians after one hour you sorted it out. Brilliant and I will continue to read your column in the Courier. Emily Mitchell, Torrevieja

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

ADVICE: Roy was having problems with his Epson printer

Q A

Dear Richard, I have an Epson Stylus SX115 Printer, I have replaced a new cartridge which has been accepted, But when I try to print a picture or document it will not print. Can you help me? Roy

Hi Roy, it sounds to me like your printer needs a head clean, have a look at the help pages on the spanishink.com website, they have some specifically for your model of printer with instructions on how to do a head clean in most operating systems. http://www.spanishink.com/articles/category/epson Hope it helps.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, April 26, 2013

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Friday, April 26, 2013

RHINOPLASTY Nose Surgery Explained

Would I Be a Suitable Candidate?

The procedure is intended to re-shape the nose by reducing or increasing its size, removing any lumps, changing the shape of the bridge or the tip, narrowing or enlarging the span of the nostrils or changing the angle between the nose and upper lip. It may also relieve some breathing problems.

How is the Operation Performed?

The procedure is normally undertaken from within the nose thereby ensuring that there are no visible outward signs that the patient has had nasal surgery.

What Type of Anaesthetic is used?

With this procedure we usually use local anaesthetic and sedation. The type of anaesthetic used would be decided by the surgeon at the time of consultation. The operation normally takes 1-2 hours and occasionally longer.

What is the Recovery Time?

It is usual to be able to return to work in 1-2 weeks but more strenuous activities would be best avoided for 2-3 weeks. It is important to avoid hitting the nose or getting the area sunburned for at least 8 weeks post operatively.

Are There Any Side Effects The following are all things that may be experienced after this procedure but are normally self-limiting: • Temporary Swelling • Bruising around the eyes

• Nose and headaches • Some bleeding and stiffness

How Long Will the Results Last The results are permanent

Is There Anything I Can Do to Prepare Myself for the Operation?

Yes there are a couple of simple things that you can do: Do not use Aspirin for 3 weeks before & after surgery We recommend that you do not drink alcohol for 2 weeks before and after your operation as the anaesthetic can be affected by alcohol use.

We also recommend that you take the homeopathic treatment Arnica for several days’ pre and post operatively.

Post operatively it is very important that you follow any advice that you have been given by the surgeon and his team members.

If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact us at any time on 965 326 082

Friday, April 26, 2013

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My wee problem is so irritating…

Q

I have a constant irritation of my bladder that makes me want to pass water all the time. I have seen many doctors and they’ve done many checks and cannot find anything wrong. One of them said that I may have cystitis. Sometimes I have slight pain in my stomach area. I will be glad for any help you can give.

Recurrent cystitis can be quite common, and women tend to suffer more than men. Cystitis is usually caused by some types of bacteria that coexist with our organs and cause no health problems until our immune system becomes compromised. Bacteria in the stomach such as lactobacillus and bifidus are known as ‘good bacteria’ and help our immune system by keeping harmful microbes in check. These microbes can be fungus such as candida or bacteria such as E coli, streptococcus and staphylococcus.

Such deadly microbes can live in any tissue or organ of the body, and may lie inactive for many years. When activated these microbes cause infections in multiple organs of the body. In women, they are notorious for attacking the reproductive organs, causing severe abdominal pain and genital infections. The abdominal pain you mention can be a sign of something serious. Where exactly do you feel the pain? Do you feel sick sometimes? Have you noticed any fever? By asking these questions, I am trying to find out if you are showing signs of urinary system complications such as kidney infections and septicaemia (blood poisoning). If you’ve answered yes to the questions, then you should see a specialist straightaway. If not you most likely have recurrent cystitis, and there are steps you can take to alleviate your condition. Drinking plenty of water is helpful – 1.5 -2 litres every day or more in the summer. Water flushes the urinary bladder and urethra of toxins and microbes that cause irritation.

People who suffer from recurrent cystitis are also known to have a weak immune system. When the immune defence of

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the body is down, we become exposed to all kinds of microbes that cause infection and inflammation. Due to the polluted nature of our environment today, our immune system is constantly active and on guard, and never resting.

This can be very draining on the immune organs, making it necessary that we give them a boost. Reishi extract, Astragalus and Echinacea are all powerful immune stimulants. Probiotics are also good for strengthening the immune system. Probiotics or foods such as yogurt promote the number and growth of ‘good bacteria’ and by doing so helps the stomach suppress the growth of harmful bacteria.

Cranberry juice is known as a urinary antiseptic. Drinking up to 1 litre of cranberry juice acidifies the urine and reduces the symptoms of cystitis. Of course those taking warfarin, a blood thinner should refrain from cranberry juice. A common problem with diagnosing urinary tract infections (UTIs) is that people are not told how to correctly collect a sample of urine for analysis. Samples should be collected at mid-stream, which means that you should start voiding urine before you collect some in a container. The genital organs should also be washed before a urine sample is collected. This prevents contamination and unnecessary prescription of antibiotics.

At MedB Clinic no sample are needed to check for microorganisms anywhere in the body.

How useful are amino acids for maintaining good health?

Amino acids are certainly the most essential nutrients for the human body. Our DNA and other genetic materials are made from amino acids. Our skin, muscles, hair and many thousands of chemicals needed for the body to function normally are also made nearly entirely from amino acids. Amino acids are split into 2 groups – essential and non-essential. Non essentials amino acids are those that can be synthesized by the body. And essential amino acids

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are those we can only get through food. There are 22 of these essential amino acids, and a deficiency of any one of them will cause severe health problems. We are all conversant with the health benefits of vitamins and minerals and many people believe that they are the be all and end all of a healthy body. Even though vitamins are vital for our health, on any scale amino acids are more important. Yet this fact is unknown to many people. The health benefits of some amino acids are now well recognised. Glycine and Glutamine are amino acids that improve the way our nerves communicate with each other. They help our memory and our ability to concentrate on tasks. Arginine is another amino acid that helps blood vessel relax and by doing so prevents high blood pressure. Some amino acids act as neurotransmitters – chemicals that regulate the activities of the brain.

Neurotransmitters are said to control our emotions and behaviours. If we are always stressed out, angry all the time, or unhappy, it is because of the balance of these chemicals in our brain. Serotonin is the most important of these, and controls the function and production of other neurotransmitters. The body needs the amino acid lysine, to make serotonin. The amino acid cysteine is responsible for the health of our skin. Cysteine is also useful for eliminating toxic heavy metals such as lead and mercury from the body. Meat and fish are good sources of proteins. And proteins are digested into amino acids. Some plant foods such as legumes, nuts and seeds are also rich sources of proteins. Many people suffer from amino acid deficiencies, not because they don’t eat enough proteins, but because they have problems with digestion and absorption. These problems are mainly due to illnesses, but can also be due to the complications of prescribed medications.

FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN AND MEDICAL CONSULTATION CALL 965 071 745

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Friday, April 26, 2013

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Friday, April 26, 2013

MUSLIM UNITY MUST BEAT THE INSANITY IT'S not just hard, it's impossible for anyone who lives a normal life to understand what goes through the mind of someone prepared to plant a bomb in a public place just to maim and kill as many people as possible.

How on earth can highly educated young people become so mentally twisted that they lose all concept of what is morally right and wrong?

How is it that they can hate so strongly that they are prepared to become suicide bombers killing themselves for a cause?

I have asked myself these questions just this last week, watching the horror of the Boston bombings. I asked myself the same questions during nine-eleven and the London atrocities.

I despair as I watch the pictures coming from Syria; hear the latest death of a serviceman in Afghanistan; recall all the horrors of the war in Iraq to topple a leader responsible for killing thousands, and totally saddened at all the misery inflicted in countries across north Africa.

And what is the common thread running through all of this? The sad fact is most of the world's problems over the past few decades have been in the Muslim world and caused by Muslims.

Countries which could be so great to live in are reduced to a sheer hell by the collective madness of people. I don't profess to be an expert on Islam, but what I do know is that it is a religion and a political force intertwined, with multiple

complexities within all of the varying countries in the Islamic world.

I value several Muslims as good friends, both here in Spain and in the UK, and I know they are as appalled at what has been going on for decades as we are.

What I do know is that the patience of the Western world is running extremely thin at the craziness in so many Muslim countries, and importing their madness to other countries in the process. It is time for the silent majority of Muslims to put an end to the madness of the few because any healing process must come from within. Any attempt by the West to impose it is doomed to failure.

Ordinary Muslims must question where the support and where the money is coming from to finance

those who are radicalising young Muslims and stamp it out before it becomes an unstoppable force - just like Nazism became an unstoppable force in Germany and cost the lives of so many to defeat.

So my plea to all moderate and peace-loving Muslims would be: search out who is supporting extremists. Is it coming from the local Mosque, the local college or university, a neighbour? Don't just ignore it, report it. Your actions could make the world a safer place.

You heard of that British disease - find someone else to blame when something has gone wrong.

Well, I've heard the best yet in the passing the blame game this week. It came from Kent County Council highways department, ques-

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tioned as to why there is a rash of potholes in the county's roads.

The excuse - it was the Romans who didn't construct the roads without sufficiently stable foundations, and the French for supplying too rigid an asphalt which didn't cope with the lack of stability.

Now I've heard it all. The Romans built roads for horses, carts and people, not juggernauts - and didn't the Romans build roads in France too?

The truth? Britain's too good at doing too many things that really matter on the cheap. Penny wise, pound foolish is never a wise policy.

If ever proof was needed, here it is - that gambling just does not pay, except of course for the bookie.

The family which owns the

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world's largest on-line sports betting sites has just announced it is worth ÂŁ925 million and about to become the UK's first gambling billionaires. Here's a classic case of an empire being built on the backs of losers literally.

Heaven knows how many people have been drawn into gambling addiction thanks to a proliferation of betting opportunity over recent years.

It was the last Labour government which opened the floodgates to more gambling opportunities. And, surprise, surprise, one of the biggest donors to that party is the super-rich family about to become billionaires. I wonder why!

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Many times have I heard people say the law should be changed to make it easier to secure convictions against rapists.

Quite agree, I hear many of you women readers saying. But be very careful. Just consider this.

A woman in her 20s fabricated a rape allegation against a father of two clergyman based on crime novels she had read.

She met him on Facebook, went on a date and ended up having sex.

Then she reported him for rape and he lost his job.

He was shunned by parishioners and his car was vandalised three times. He was banned from seeing his two younger children who live with his ex-wife.

Thankfully the trial collapsed minutes before it was due to start after the accuser

confessed she identified with characters in the novels she had been reading.

Three points are worth raising. Firstly I hope the book is thrown at this nutcase woman who has done considerable harm to the cause of trying to convict real rapists. There should be a specific offence of making a false sexual allegation, punishable with sentences similar to those of sex crimes and for the guilty to be included on the sex register.

Secondly, there is an extremely strong case to ban the identification of people accused of sex crimes until they have been found guilty. The victims are already protected by anonymity, the accused should also, because lives can be ruined by malicious allegations.

Thirdly, be very careful who you date on Facebook!

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Finally, a company in Holland is seeking applications from people who want to colonise Mars.

Some time in the future they plan to start one-way trips to the Red Planet. It has to be a one-way trip because after two years of weightlessness and a spell on low-gravity Mars, the human body would not be capable of coping with Earth's higher gravity.

I couldn't help a chuckle when this thought entered my head. Mars could be the new Australia, a perfect convict colony. I'll leave you with listing those you would like to send there.

Spain's population shrinks as immigrants flee crisis

Spain's population fell last year for the first time in decades, as immigrants left the country amid a major economic crisis.The National Statistic Institute (NSI) says the number of residents dropped by almost 206,000 to 47.1m - the decline entirely accounted for by foreigners.

Immigrants from Ecuador and Colombia showed the biggest fall.

The figures do not take into account many Spaniards who have left in search of work but are still on the census.The statistics agency recorded Spain's first population drop since the regular census began in the 1990s.

Although the number of native Spaniards

grew in 2012 by some 10,000 - it only minimally offset the overall fall of nearly 216,000 among registered foreign residents.

The figures show that the ongoing economic crisis has reversed the country's rapid population growth in the decade before the financial crisis erupted in 2008.

The bursting of the property bubble and high unemployment levels compounded the situation, forcing many economic migrants from South America and Eastern Europe to leave the country.

"Spain is less attractive because there are no jobs," Albert Esteve of the Barcelona Centre for Demographic Studies told National Radio.

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Friday, April 26, 2013

All systems grow at Garden Club SOME 60 members of the Vega Baja Garden Club enjoyed three presentations by regular members at their April meeting: First, John Howse spoke about gladioli, and how to grow them successfully, and also about Bacopa, an attractive plant for hanging baskets.

Then June Saunders, assisted by her husband John, spoke of their successes, and failures, in growing grapevines since 2003.

Learning by experience, they now grow fine grapes, but it was not always so, and June offered sometimes humorous insights into how they eventually achieved success.

Lastly, Harrie and Anna

van Dijk, gave Part One of a two part presentation on their experiences in professionally cultivating grapevines in France, prior to moving to Spain.

As well as the conclusion of this presentation at the Club's next meeting on May 6, there will be a talk

by Ron Harris about his lifelong interest in and love for cultivating roses, and the meeting will conclude with the annual members' rose competition.

The Club meets on the first Monday of every month, except in July, August and January, at Los Rosales restaurant, at 1.45pm for a prompt 2pm start, and a finish by 4pm.

Further information from Val (tel. 966716527).

BIRTHDAY GIRL SUE’S SURPRISE PACKAGE

50 UP: Sue Bradley (centre) with sister Jackie (left) and neice Alexandra

BISTRO boss Sue Bradley bagged a brilliant birthday bonus last Saturday.

More than 100 people turned up to help the owner of Da Vinci’s on San Luis Lakeside celebrate life at 50 – which she actually reached two days earlier.

“My sister Jackie and my family arrived as a big surprise from the UK,’’ she told The Courier. “ I had a fabulous day and I would like to thank everyone who attended and made my 50th Birthday so special. ‘’

MADRID MEET THEIR MATCH NINE members of the Rojales Netball club and their coach travelled to the La Manga Club to take on teams from the UK, Marbella and Madrid in the annual international tournament.

The first game of the tournament saw Rojales thrash the Madrid side 18-3.

From the first whistle of the second game against a mixed side from Team Rock UK, Marbella and Madrid, the Rojales girls (pictured) threw down the gauntlet with fast exciting netball, using some of the new set plays they had been practising during training. An exciting game ended in a 10-10 draw.

Rojales’s third game proved to be one of the most thrilling of the tournament and also ended in a draw, this time 11-11. The final game against visiting players from the UK saw an even first half, but some excellent shooting and strong defending from Team Rock eventually gave them the win.

Rojales Netball Club are always looking for Ladies to join their team. They train on a Tuesday from 7.00 - 8.30 on the courts behind the Norwegian School in Quesada.

For more information contact Tracey on 679 539 995 or email traceyburton@hotmail.co.uk.

Think pink and A twist in G&S MORPH OUT walk for MABS the trunk ON EURO NOTE for Oliver

THIS year’s MABS "Walk for Life" on Sunday (April 28) down the bottom of Cardiac Hill, Gran Alacant will start as before at the entrance area on El Clot de Galvaney.

Registration will be from 9.30am and the Walk begins at 10.15am. It is a short Walk of 4km. so that everyone can enjoy it,

especially families and dogs. Nearly everyone last year went round twice.

People and dogs are encouraged to dress "in the Pink and sponsorship forms are available. For information please contact either Jan on 966 697 754 or Angela on 965 060 Reg. Charity No. 182.

7261.

During an Age Concern presentation, a volunteer asked the assembled crowd to remember during their spring cleaning that the organisation would take all unwanted items for their Charity Shops.

Oliver, aged six, asked the volunteer: ‘’What is Age Concern, and why do you want things for the shop?’’ When the volunteer had explained everything to Oliver, he put his hand in his pocket and said: “Here you are, you can have this.’’

For their farewell performance, the Gilbert and Sullivan Society have morphed into a branch of the Women's Institute who in turn, go off on a mystery tour of Europe, courtesy of some supernatural shenanigans.

Many popular well-loved songs and tunes associated with major European tourist destinations are included and to add to the fun and general mayhem, the audience is cordially invited to join in and sing about Mice in Amsterdam, Edelweiss in Austria, Champagne

in Paris, German and Italian folk songs popularised by Elvis and many more !

The Show at Casa Ventura Restaurante, San Luis, Torrevieja is on the May 11 and 12 and includes a mixed platter meal for only €8.

Doors open at 7pm for the meal and the performance follows.

Tickets from Casa Ventura or any society member. Book early for your last chance to see the Musical Theatre Group which has been delighting Costa Blanca

Edition 1

OFFERS OF THE MONTH

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Friday, April 26, 2013

WHAT TO DO IF YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT

The most important thing to do is “stay calm” - you need to be able to face the situation that’s happening. These are the steps you should take.

1. Put on the reflective jacket, and set out the car’s emergency triangles.

2. Don't admit fault. Even if you believe that the accident was your fault, you should never, ever admit fault to anyone other than your insurance agent or your lawyer.

3. Move out of the way. If your car is located in a high traffic area, you should move out of the road of traffic.

By moving your vehicle, you may be able to avoid another accident. The only exception to this is if your car is so badly damaged that it can't be moved. If that is the case, simply leave it where it is until you have assistance.

4. Check out your passengers. Check to see if anyone needs medical attention. If they do, immediately call 112 and ask for “Policia y Ambulancia”. Explain the situation and give the exact location of the accident. Act quickly and calmly THE Courier is going into overdrive….to bring you the because you have no time to waste. Time is of the essence in getting the required care for the injured person(s). If you're best Motoring coverage in the Costas.

Every four weeks, in addition to our regular reports and trained in first aid then implement medical procedures. Just features, we’ll be featuring an eight-page Motoring Plus remember to never move someone who is badly hurt (unless you believe that moving them might prevent further injuries). pullout.

5. If you have an accident with another vehicle, fill out the And we aim to make it a roaring success.

IT’S THE WHEEL DEAL…

Today’s first edition includes articles relating to motoring in this country – the Spanish driving licence, how to deal with a car accident, motor insurance etc. We also have a warning for those who don’t wear seatbelts. As well as risking your lives, you’ll get stung for 200 euros if the police catch you unclicked. As for driving in flip flops…well, you’ll find yourself in really deep water.

We also plan to put the fun side of motoring on the starting grid… meet the stars and their cars, for instance.

What a joke some of them are!

Get into gear for a new experience with your first Motoring Plus supplement.

blue accident form that’s in your policy; make sure you get details of all vehicles and drivers involved. Both parties to sign form, one copy for each party.

Call the police if needed or the other party is an unfriendly driver.

6. Draw a detailed diagram. Draw a detailed diagram of the accident which includes a picture of both cars before and after the accident. In addition, if you notice any skid marks, lights, stop signs, etc., make sure that you include them as well.

Lastly, if you have a camera or picture phone, make sure that you take photographs because these may be used as evidence.

7. Call the tow truck on the travel assistance number, speak in English, give them the Caser auto policy number, and tell them the problem and where you are. Wait for the tow truck. Caser will instruct the tow truck to take the car to one of their recommended collaborating garages.

8. Once home call Caser on 902 112 030 and inform us of all the details of the accident calmly over the phone. You may be asked to scan and email or fax documents.

9. A courtesy car will be available to all those who took the courtesy car option when taking out the policy.

For a great car insurance quote call 966 923 963 or visit our offices in Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja.

Friday, April 26, 2013

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WHEN THINGS GO BUMP IN THE DAY

DONNA GEE was not so much a Grumpy Old Gran as a grateful one after experiencing her first road accident in Spain. Because it didn’t hurt at all…

ARE you one of the thousands of expat motorists who thinks that dealing with an accident in Spain would represent the ultimate in ordeals?

OK, we’d all have a problem if the other party involved was as physically aggressive as some of the lunatic speeders I see on the Spanish roads.

I’m talking about the stress, not only of having a bump, but the ensuing consequences. You know, things like report forms, dealing with insurance companies, organising repairs and the general inconvenience of it all.

Well, now I know – thanks to a blind idiot who drove out of a service station in El Altet straight into my little Kia Picanto on the main road. In a Smart car of all things.

And I can reveal that getting it sorted ain’t anywhere near as bad as you might fear.

My car got the worst of it and while it remained drivable, the front offside ended up looking rather mangled. But I was lucky on several points. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, I had a passenger who speaks fluent Spanish – and the young man who hit me was working for the Europa car rental firm.

In fact, he had been filling hire cars with fuel all day, which came in useful as an excuse. ‘‘Lo siento. Estoy muy cansado y no vi su coche,’’ he confessed to my friend Bev Ballesteros as we filled in the obligatory accident report form.

Until that moment, I had no idea that such a form existed.

All my documents – log book, insurance, service manual etc had been in the glove compartment since the day I bought the vehicle in 2007.

But there was no dispute about what had happened and it was a formality filling in the details, complete with a mutually-agreed illustration of the point of impact. Even if the end product (pictured) did look like the weavings of a spider across a technicolor web.

Since the Smart car was insured on Europa’s all-embracing policy with Axa, I already knew the whole scenario would not cost me financially. And from the remarkable way my insurers, Linea Directa, dealt with my side of the argument, even had the Kia been undriveable, I no have absolutely no doubt they would have got me home muy pronto.

As it was, I was able to limp home, with only the car showing any bruises – and immediately got out my insurance documents. Even though it was a Sunday I was able to make contact with Linea Directa – and within 24 hours all the relevant details, including the accident form, were in their hands via phone and email.

Since there was no dispute over blame, all that was left was for me to arrange a repairer. And I doubt I could have found a bet-

DO I NEED A SPANISH DRIVING LICENCE? ACCORDING to Spanish rules, European expats who become residents in Spain must either change their foreign driving licences into Spanish ones or register the foreign ones in the Traffic Office system in Spain, so that they will comply with Traffic administrative regulations. This applies especially to those related to the point system, expiry dates and medical tests to confirm drivers are fit enough to keep on driving their vehicles; In addition to that, some expats still carry old foreign driving licences that have no expiry dates at all and used to be issued in their home countries a few years ago. As in Spain this kind of non-expiring license is not complying with the current Traffic office regulations, the option of registering is not acceptable, but the only option is changing into the standard Spanish driving licence provided with expiry date, providing that the holder of the licence is a resident for longer than two years in Spain.

The changing into Spanish driving licence process involves a search at the Traffic office

in their respective home countries by the Traffic office in Spain. The searching can take longer than expected and relies most of times on the foreign authorities where the foreign driving licence was originally issued.

At the end the search will show if the foreign driving licence is still considered valid.

Gestoria Carrasco can advise you and take care of the process, so that you will not have to drive up to Alicante main traffic office at least twice, with an interpreter and stand in endless queues. The required paperwork to change the foreign driving licence into a Spanish one is your o r i g i n a l licence, residency certificate, one photo and passport.

Gestoria Carrasco provides you with the necessary assistance in order to finish any traffic office arrangements efficiently, so if you are planning to buy or sell a car, or similar Traffic office dealings, contact us for advice or to obtain an estimate of costs. Our office is near Playa Flamenca Town Hall, close to the Suma office; our contact telephone is 966730899 and E-mail info@carrascospain.com

ter or more helpful, convenient and efficient company than Elite Chapa Y Pintura in Los Montesinos, who were recommended to me by a friend.

The only inconvenience of the entire episode was having to leave the car at Elite’s garage – ten minutes from where I live – for the Linea Directa assessor to sanction the repairs. OK, I was without the vehicle for half a day, but since Elite provided me with a lift home and returned my vehicle after the assessor’s visit, I have no complaints.

When the work was actually done, it was completely painless since I was in England. As arranged, Elite collected the car from outside my home in Guardamar just hours after I headed to Manchester for a family visit. Two days later it was back, gleaming as new, to await the inspection of its returning owner.

My ordeal was behind me, my car looked as good as new, I still had my full no-claims bonus – my fears about coping had been banished.

So if you’re worrying it might happen to you, don’t! Apart from the initial shock of the accident, I’d go through it all again.

Any time.

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Friday, April 26, 2013

YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE

Seatbelt dodgers risking everything TIGHTENING UP ON SEATBELTS The DGT (Direccion General de Trafico) recently released a statement saying they will be cracking down on seatbelt use.

Their slogan, “Usa el cinturón de seguridad. No puedas vivir sin él”, translates into English as “Put on your seatbelt. You can’t live without it”. This slogan can be heard all over Spain since the campaign started.

Something as simple as putting on a seatbelt could save over 7,000 lives in the European Union. According to a study made by “Seguridad Vial”, not wearing a seatbelt is the second highest cause of deaths in car accidents, the first being speeding.

The Guardia Civil will be out in force inspecting the use of seatbelts and also making sure children are correctly placed in their safety seats.

WHY SHOULD I WEAR A SEATBELT? 1. Wearing a seatbelt can halve the risk of death in a car accident. It also reduces up to five times the chances of being seriously injured.

2. The airbag is ineffective without the use of a seatbelt.

3. It protects you from going through the windscreen and windows in an accident.

4. In a frontal crash, if the person in the back seat is not wearing a seatbelt it is eight times more likely that the person sitting in front of them will be injured (even if they are wearing a seatbelt).

5. If you get stopped by the police not wearing a seatbelt,

you will be fined 200 euros and three points taken off your licence.

RESPONSIBILITY OF ADULTS The main cause of death in children over the age of four is car accidents.

In Spain each year about 40 children die and 3,000 receive serious injuries due to car accidents. Of these figures nearly 40% did not use the correct child seats.

In a recent European study carried out by CHILD, 70% of children in cars either did not use the child seats correctly or didn’t even have one.

Any person transporting children in their vehicle should be aware that: 1. Children must be seated in a child safety seat depending on their age, weight and height.

2. Never put a child in the arms of another passenger or share a seatbelt as it could be crushed.

3. Children should never sit in the front seat, except when using a specific child seat (usually for babies) in which case the airbag should always be turned off. Once a child reaches the height of 135cm or more they can sit in the front.

4. Never let your guard down on short journeys. One of the most fatal journeys is from home to school.

5. The harness and / or belts shouldn’t be twisted, loose or bent.

6. The child seat must be perfectly fitted. Once fitted it shouldn’t be easily moved.

7. And finally if the child seat is properly used it can reduce up to 75% of injury in the case of an accident.

Serious motoring offences in Spain How do you find out that you are being prosecuted in Spain for a motoring offence?

Unlike in the UK, be aware that in Spain there is no time limit within which a notice of intended prosecution should be issued.

It may happen that one commits a motoring offence in Spain and you only hear from the Spanish authorities 2 years after that. Why? Be aware that in Spain there is a statute of limitations of 3 years for this type of criminal offences to be processed before Spanish courts, within which you may be summoned any time.

Minor motoring offences are dealt with by the Spanish Traffic authorities.

What is considered a serious offence and what are the penalties under Spanish law?

• Driving a motor vehicle in Spain under the influence of alcohol over the level of 0.60 mg is penalized with either imprisonment or a fine or social works, and with deprivation of the driving licence for up to 4 years.

• Speeding: exceeding 80 km/h over the legal limit in motorways, or exceeding 60 km/h over the legal limit in city roads will be penalized with the punishments aforementioned.

• Refusal to cooperate to take a breathalyser test to analyse the amount of alcohol in their blood will be treated as disobedience, punishable with imprisonment of 6 months up to 1 year and deprivation of the driving license.

• Rash driving endangering other people may be punishable by a term of imprisonment of 6 months to 2 years and deprivation of driving licence for a term of 1 to 6 years.

Generally all serious motoring offences are dealt with in the Spanish Criminal Courts. Whether you intend to plead guilty or not, you should seek legal advice in Spain and in both cases you need to attend the court.

If you are in any doubt as to what to do, seek expert legal advice in Spain.

SHINY HEADLAMPS REGAIN YOUR SPARKLE!

It is important to ensure that headlamps conform to Spanish Legal requirements in order for the vehicle to pass its ITV (MOT). When motorists find out that their vehicle needs new headlamps due to them being yellowed and faded by the hot sun this can be an expensive and unexpected shock. This is where The Headlamp Exchange comes in. A unique formula has been developed to renovate dull, dirty, yellowed and faded headlamps like new. This service can be provided at a fraction of the cost of new headlamps.

The Headlamp Exchange has been in La Marina Village now for many years in fact we are celebrating our 10 years in business this year! As a motoring busi-

ness we are happy to help you with your vehicles from re-registration of your vehicle and all mechanical work, to LHD headlights and of course, our speciality headlight cleaning. Large stocks of LHD Headlamps in stock, all makes – also RHD lamps available. We can help you, if we can’t do it, then it can’t be done! ''The originals'' established for over 10 years. Call into our offices in La Marina Village for a quote.

Our office is very easy to find on the main street of the Village, next door to Montemar Hotel. Shiny Lamps are now covering the Mar Menor and Pilar Areas in their mobile unit. For further details and information please telephone 965419769 or 646730507.

Friday, April 26, 2013

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MARANELLO MAGIC STUNS SHANGHAI

After Geneva, it’s Shanghai and LaFerrari is again the star of the show.

As was the case just over a month ago at the Geneva Motor Show, Maranello’s hybrid supercar undoubtedly attracted the most attention from the press and public alike in Shanghai.

There was a sea of photographers and cameramen in front of the Ferrari stand,

right from the opening of the show, waiting for the moment when Amedeo Felisa, the Maranello Company’s Managing Director, unveiled the new special limited edition car for the first time in Asia.

“China is strategically very important for us and we will continue to invest in this market,” stated Felisa in his speech. “As of today, we

already have 25 dealerships and to the intention is to reach 30 in 2013, before adding a further five the following year.”

After a very positive sales performance in Greater China (People’s Chinese Republic, Hong Kong and Taiwan) in 2012, when it became the second market in the world for the Prancing Horse with around 800 cars

sold, the results in the first quarter of this year have also been positive. The Maranello MD placed particular emphasis on the extensive work carried out by Ferrari on reducing consumption and emissions of its range of cars, which has been reduced by 40% in the past five years, along with an increase in power of around 100 hp.

The fact that much attention is being paid to environmental themes in this vast country is underlined by Ferrari’s involvement in the “One Million Trees” project: no fewer than 67,000 trees have been planted by the company in a desert area of China to compensate for the emissions of its cars used on Chinese roads last year.

Only 50 LaFerraris will

find their way into the hands of owners in Greater China, out of a total production run of 499. Here too there have been many more requests than can be accommodated, as is the case all over the world: all the more reason to visit the Shanghai Show as it provides an opportunity to see at first hand an amazing car which is already making history.

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Friday, April 26, 2013

CELEBRITY CAR SALES

A past celebrity owner on the logbook can make, break or have no bearing at all on a car’s value. Which way it goes depends on the car and the celebrity.

Here we look at the former celeb cars that have come up for sale in recent years. Some you’d have needed a lottery win to afford and others were snapped up for less than the price of a new family hatchback.

It’s swings and roundabouts but looking at some of these you might want to check out the previous owners of your car, just in case…

ond-hand Mondeo. However, in the US one of was put up for grabs for a wallet-busting $2,000,000. A bullet-proof embassy car similar to the one pictured, it had been used by Chuck and Di on their first trip together across the pond.

Sultan of Brunei - Mercedes Sprinter

Elton John - Ferrari Testarossa

Paul McCartney - Aston Martin DB5

Baby I can drive your car….bought at a time when the Beatles were at their peak, and fitted with Macca’s personal dash-mounted record player, this immaculate DB5 recently sold for £307,500. (A few years earlier George’s went for £288,000.)

A 40th birthday present to the star from a grateful record company, Elton’s 1987 flat-12 supercar went on sale this summer for around $200,000. It’s a low-mileage model, and reportedly immaculate, but that’s still nearly three times its book value.

Sprinter vans like this one work hard and a well-used example can be had for a couple of grand. When the previous owner is the world’s biggest car collector, however, the asking price climbs north of £80,000 thanks to its plush conversion by AMG into a super-luxury minibus.

James Bond - Aston Martin DB5

Elton John - Rolls-Royce Silver Cloud III

Winston Churchill - Land Rover

Almost certainly the most famous car in the world. Any good DB5 will make £250,000 but the double-O status of the original Goldfinger car will easily add another zero. Only time will reveal the true value of the duplicate that popped up in Skyfall...assuming the one they blew up was only a dummy.

Everyone loves Landies and these days a really good Series I can make £20,000 or more. Actually much, much more if it belonged to one of the greatest Britons who ever lived. Last month Winnie’s old Landie was expected to sell for £60k, but eventually went for more than double at £129,000. Never in the field (etc).

One of the most handsome Rolls-Royces ever made, it’s still possible to pick up a Silver Cloud for less than £30,000.

Elton’s name on the logbook commands quite a premium, however, and as long ago as 2006 the left-hooker he called ‘Daisy’ was being offered for sale at £89,950.

James Coburn - Ferrari 250GT California Spider

John Lennon – Rolls-Royce Phantom V

Diana, Princess of Wales Rolls Royce Silver Shadow

With only 100 made, California Spiders have always commanded high prices, but a new world record was set when Chris Evans bid for Coburn’s old car. The hammer fell for a best-ever £5.6 million, more than twice what the DJ was hoping to get for his other, non-Coburn Spider.

Still stuck in rent-a-limo-land and not yet a classic, your typical 1970s Rolls-Royce need cost no more than a sec-

When the Beatle had his Phantom V repainted in psychedelic colours a Rolls-Royce spokesman sniffily described the finished result as ‘unfortunate’. Fans thought otherwise, however, and in the mid-1980s one of them paid $2.29 million for a car that would otherwise have been worth about £30,000.

Frank Sinatra - Jaguar XJS Everyone’s rude about them now but the XJS was a bestseller in its day. Prices have now dipped as low as two grand for early V12s, but the one belonging to Ol’ Blue Eyes made $178,500 back in 1989 and is probably worth at least twice that by now.

Friday, April 26, 2013

VELOCITY RACING GATHERS PACE! OVAL/short Circuit Racing is motor sport performed within a flat circuit of up to approximately 365m in circumference . It differs from a road course in that it turns in one direction only and as the turns are all very fast, standard road tyres would not last long with the extreme pressures forced on them.

Oval circuits can vary dramatically in length and physical layout and therefore each track presents its own unique challenges & demands on the driver.

Different forms of Oval circuit racing have been around almost as long as there have been cars to race as this was and still is the best form of motorsport.

Many categories of vehicle have been used from the monster NASCAR V8’s of the states to the very British minstocks.

Here on the Costas, Velocity Racing Spain intend to bring a range of formulas, including 1300 Stock Cars, 2.0 Hot Rods, Lightning Rods, Junior Rods, Rookie Rods, National Hot Rods. If you’re anything like us then this is the ‘real’ racing because ‘trading paint’ and ‘rubbing’ is just racing but without the very high speeds & without the likelihood of serious accidents.

We are looking for sponsors, volunteers, marshals, officials, medical staff etc., anyone wishing to help, drive or in need of a car to race please contact us on 674 256 147 or email us.

Anyone wishing to have a drive on the day will need to be a full paid up driver and have the proper safety equipment.

We always have ready built cars for Hire and For Sale

The Cartagena Circuit is located in Cartagena, a city with 3,000 years of history. The closest airports are the San Javier (Murcia) at about 25km of distance and Alicante Airport at about 95km. There is a train service that connects Cartagena with Madrid or other coastal destinations.

There are many motorways but the main ones are the A 30 (Cartagena-Madrid) and the AP7 (Cartagena-ValenciaBarcelona).

Upcoming Festivals!

Festival of Speed!

Starting on May 4, 2013 till May 5, 2013 Two days of racing!

Stunt shows Drift cars Nascars Custom Cars Vintage Cars Drivers able on Saturday to drive around the whole circuit either accompanied with an experienced driver, or solo.

Other activities taking place over the weekend Live music Bouncy castle Kyle Minogue tribute act from England Top Spanish DJ (Boca Boca) performing live Camp over for the entire weekend.

More information coming soon.

If you plan on coming, you can preregister your details, such as if you're going to be taking part in any of the race events.

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Friday, April 26, 2013

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Friday, April 26, 2013

QUEENS OF HARMONY Super Spangles reign in Spain again

SPANGLES Ladies’ Harmony Chorus have been crowned champions of Spain and Portugal for the second time.

They completed a double at the recent convention of the Spanish Association of Barbershop Singers in Benalmádena, Málaga and musical director Gail Grainger commented: “We’re naturally delighted.’

“The chorus has worked really hard over the past 12 months to ensure that they brought home gold to Los Alcázares once more and I am very proud of them.”

Not only did Spangles win gold, they also swept the board by winning trophies for the highest scores in singing, music and presentation.

Three groups from the chorus competed in the quartet contest - Chardonnay, Fénix and Viva, with Fénix carrying off the gold medal for the highest scoring ladies’ quartet and Viva coming fifth with their comedy piece.

A fourth quartet, Aurora, was formed specifically to be ‘mic-warmers’ in the contest and help the judges tune in for the first competitor.

“We are extremely grateful to everyone who supports us and we are proud to be returning to Los Alcázares as champions.” said co-Chorus manager Anthea Prentice. Spangles have released a CD called ‘Pure Gold’, which includes many audience favourites. It is on sale at €5 and makes an ideal gift. Call 968 432 525 or 968 334 527 to order your copy.

The Spangles glory girls show off their trophies

ADHOC – planning A QUESTION OF MEMORY for the future!

Ticket sales for ADHOC’S performances of ‘Bedwitchery’ on May 2nd, 3rd and 4th are going well.

Venue is the Casa de Cultura Teatro in Benijófar, which is to be ADHOC’s base for future productions.

Future plans include a production of ‘Calendar Girls’ in the autumn and a pantomime in Benijófar in January.

New members are always welcome, and anybody interested in performing, or helping behind the scenes should contact ADHOC on adhoctheatreco@gmail.com Casting for ‘Calendar Girls’ will begin in May, so any ‘yummy grandmummys’ or ‘youngmummy’s’ who believe they could fit-thepart should get in touch without delay.

Paula times it just right

TORREVIEJA Swimming Club’s Paula Garcia (t) flew through 16 lengths to win first place in the Sixth Time Control competitionat San VienteAlicante.

Paula’s time of 5:49:52 in the 400m Freestyle for 11year-old girls easily earned her a regional qualifying time for competitions later in the season.

Some 143 swimmers from eight clubs across the

region were challenged in the longest distance races of the season. In the 200m Medley for 12-year-old girls, Zoe Connolly took second place in 2:55:09.

For information on Torrevieja Swimming Club, please contact Rosa om 665454126 or President Felipe on 609418776 or e-mail info@clubnataciontorrevieja.com

At the last meeting of the U3A, members enthusiastically joined in a well executed and thought provoking quiz organised by a committee member. It was certainly a test of memory and some of us failed miserably, writes press secretary MARY JOLLY. It seems that the grey matter sometimes simply dozes off! This was a quiz with a difference with the most humorous answers coming out on top.

Our next meeting promises to be really interesting when Dawn Perrier, who works for the Mary Rose Trust, will deliver an insight into their work and discoveries. The Mary Rose was a warship of the Tudor

navy of King Henry VIII, sunk in the Solent but salvaged in 1982 by the Mary Rose Trust.

This talk promises to be very interesting indeed.

New members are always welcome, as are visitors. Why not come along and find out for yourself what we are all about?

The next meeting is on Monday 29th April at the CMO Building on the road behind the Carrefour Super Store, Torrevieja. There is plenty of parking space.

The meetings are usually on the last Monday of the month and begin at 11.00 with entry from 10.00. For further information please visit our website www.torreviejau3a.org.

Guillermo takes control

The Radio Controlled Mar Menor Sailing Group’s spring/summer race series began with six races on April 19.

First place went to visitor Guillermo Martinez, a local builder of full size yachts who in his spare time enjoys racing radio controlled International One Metre vessels. Top five: Place Sail Number Points Awarded 1st 46 14 Guillermo Martinez 2nd 50 15 David Lees 3rd joint 114 25 Ernie Foster 3rd joint 45 25 Nigel Lane 5th 56 27 Stuart Lockwood Further info from David on 968 170 870 or e-mail davidlees66@hotmail.com.

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Friday, April 26, 2013

Horrorscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 You have been obsessed with a mission over the last three weeks and this month your planning will come to fruition, even if not in exactly the way you intended.

Welcome light bulbs, simple switches and pulleys into your life on Tuesday as Mercury reveals a nifty physics based solution for mundane household chores.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 You will be offered advice around the 1st which you will be tempted to dismiss out of hand with a loud, fruity, mouth-raspberry from your mouth, or elsewhere.

The full moon suggests a celebration, or at least a drink or two after work. Take this time to moan openly about unpopular work colleagues and fret not about any consequences that may ensue.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 Your life will start to resemble a character in a popular soap from the past, including kumquats and shoulder pads, in ways too complex to go into fully here. Suffice it to say that it is best to avoid people named Kristin, as it was she who shot JR in 1980's television's Dallas, and any of the names of the various serial killers.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 A funny smell will start your month uncomfortably. This is not due to a large Sulphur storm over Saturn's under crust as claimed by some, lesser, newspaper horoscopes. However, it is advisable to eat up all old cheeses you have been fermenting in the back of the fridge before the 26th of the month, especially those made from milk with an angry goat pictured on the carton.

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 Welcome romance into your life this week and, in particular, eating meals by candlelight, in all of its flickery forms.

All fizzy drinks, but especially those containing cherry flavourings and additives you can't pronounce at normal talking speed even when you are reading the ingredients label carefully, are poorly starred until later in the week.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Outdoor activities are well starred as long as wearing shorts above the knee is comfortable this week. Embrace chopping trees down, putting fences up and branding cattle.

House chores including dusting, vacuuming and polishing continue to be boringly starred again this week.

Libra September 23 - October 22 A manager will offer a surprising glimpse of wisdom which you will be badly starred to ignore completely on Wednesday.

The Saturn influenced industrial relations dispute with your employer looks set to escalate further this week. (Your six month-old go-slow may need to be slowed a little further if nobody has noticed.)

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 'Faster than fast food' is the new fast food paradigm about to excite the world later in the decade and now is the time to get onboard. The restaurant combines all the advantages of predictive mobile phone texting with service with an urgent smile.

It's virtually guaranteed to be a success according to Venus who has shares.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 A pot of tea brewed around dusk on the 26th will offer magical powers but only if served in expensive china cups and brewed whilst reciting an incantation that includes the names of at least three cats you have known: stir in a clockwise motion and ensure you put the milk in after pouring the tea for maximum magicality.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 That farty-type noise you can make with a half empty plastic ketchup bottle is set to enhance your dining-out experience by more than 60% this month, especially when small children are involved. As long as you are prepared to take firm control of the situation before it gets completely out of hand, encourage small children to join in, especially if they are sitting at different tables and are unknown to you.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Little do colleagues and friends expect what you have in store for them after tTuesday when the Moon finally releases your vocal chords.

Song and shouting are then well starred, with Neptune urging you to confront an oppressive force using only the method of voice. Beware though: Ensure you only do this at moments of high tide.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 A new hairstyle, a new outfit or perhaps you will finally decide to wash that t-shirt you have been wearing for the last three months, is clearly in your chart.

Jupiter will take charge of all your self improvement needs this month and, on Thursday, expect a surprise of some sort in the form of a new website you haven't a clue how you got to.

Friday, April 26, 2013

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Friday, April 26, 2013

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 24 represents N and 22 represents Q, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 The first person mentioned in Nostradamus’s predictions (4) 3 Accepts devious beer scam (8) 9 It’s less pleasant to insert a roundabout (7) 10 Climb over a range (5) 11 A biased view from the friar’s lantern (5) 12 Mug ten builders for spice (6) 14 Climb wild, cold Andes (6) 16 Hesitate after ages of rubber (6) 19 Half a dance satisfied Frank (6) 21 Confront poet about ode’s finale (5) 24 A lot of bloodsuckers pursue her (5) 25 Plastered if I cement inside building (7) 26 Former levy Ed is after, is to be commended (8) 27 When we pay for the drinks they are a burden!

(4) STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 One who can’t remember me, as I can recollect (8) 2 Some cats easily perplexed (2,3) 4 Naval Airmen are in disguise (6) 5 Tries different examination again (5) 6 Castle Hotel is demolished for ski lodges (7) 7 Dropped from an outbuilding (4) 8 Poet left at illegally high speed going by motorway (6) 13 Cooked sardines in desert conditions (8) 15 Hot air could start new vehicle (7) 17 Religious teacher beginning to train animal (6) 18 Stick plug in this place (6) 20 Live in Erskine Caldwell’s house (5) 22 As in a way to become different continental (5) 23 Head’s reportedly long hair (4)

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words He So 3 letter words Amp Con Ill Lab Lap New Pin Sob 4 letter words Alum Arid Bate Bust

Byte Caws Cola Dais Emit Eons Épée Erne Ides Lama Lira Lore Miss Moos Olio Peas Peel Peep Pert Pest

Plus Rear Sere Silt Sops Veto Wade Wimp 5 letter words Audio Banns Belle Burgh Butyl Chips Court Elate Enter Epoch

Horse Humus Hurry Hyena Leash Lousy Oldie Opera Peals Satyr Sense Singe Souse Spelt Suite Tails Torso Tough 6 letter words

Averse Carlos Desert Dieter Optics Planar Serene Sunset 8 letter words Congress Essayist 9 letter words Centenary Lumbermen

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Down

Across Across

Down

1 Grimy (6) 4 Elegant (5) 8 Tolerates (5) 9 Version (7) 10 Restricted (7) 11 Distribute cards (4) 12 Taste (3) 14 Rim (4) 15 Mature (4) 18 Spot (3) 21 Spoken (4) 23 Let go (7) 25 Threatening (7) 26 Chews (5) 27 Feel (5) 28 Improved (6)

1 Prattle (6) 2 Defenseless (7) 3 Infatuated (8) 4 Remarked (4) 5 Similar (5) 6 Intertwine (6) 7 Requirements (5) 13 Introduction (8) 16 Rustic (7) 17 Happy (6) 19 Faith (5) 20 Expurgate (6) 22 Adjust (5) 24 Be tedious (4)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Surpass, 5 Smash, 8 Asinine, 9 Adorn, 10 Mania, 11 Confide, 12 Picket, 14 Assess, 17 Squalor, 19 Allow, 22 Unify, 23 Swindle, 24 Enrol, 25 Suggest.

Down: 1 Swarm, 2 Reign, 3 Agitate, 4 Speech, 5 Stain, 6 Agonise, 7 Hinders, 12 Posture, 13 Courier, 15 Shading, 16 Crisis, 18 Loyal, 20 Lodge, 21 Wheat.

Scribble Pad

1 Victim of memory loss (8) 2 Perplexed (2,3) 1 First man (4) 4 Of the sea (6) 3 Hugs (8) 5 Take examination again 9 More offensive (7) (5) 10 Balance (5) 6 Ski lodges (7) 11 Tilt (5) 7 Discard (4) 12 Aromatic spice (6) 8 English 17th century poet 14 Climb up (6) (6) 16 Rubber (6) 13 Dryness (8) 19 Frank (6) 15 Horse-drawn vehicle (7) 21 Facial hair (5) 17 Small burrowing mam24 Lewis Carroll heroine mal (6) (5) 18 Stick (6) 25 Building (7) 20 Reside (5) 26 Glorified (8) 22 Easterner (5) 27 Burden (4) 23 Head of hair (4) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Lust, 3 Asbestos, 9 Toenail, 10 Orate, 11 Lathe, 12 Steins, 14 Stains, 16 Camera, 19 Presto, 21 Aroma, 24 Inane, 25 Enlarge, 26 Elements, 27 Uses.

Down: 1 Littlest, 2 Spent, 4 Splash, 5 Elope, 6 Trainee, 7 Stem, 8 Sateen, 13 Saracens, 15 Airfare, 17 Arable, 18 Potent, 20 Scene, 22 Ogres, 23 Vile.

Across 1 Attack (6) 4 To tire (out) (6) 9 Spoon (7) 10 España (5) 11 Búho (3) 12 Behind (in or at the rear) (6,2) 14 Listo (inteligente) (6) 15 Letters (of alphabet) (6) 18 Norteño (8) 20 Labio (3) 23 To wash (clean) (5) 24 Dummy (for baby) (7) 25 Raffle (6) 26 Canoes (6)

Down 1 Wide (street, river, trousers) (5) 2 Mayor (7) 3 Grapes (4) 5 Surtido (variado) (8) 6 Focas (5) 7 Corredores (atletas) (7) 8 Panadero (5) 13 Caballito de mar (3,5) 14 Velas (de cera) (7) 16 Filling (culinary) (7) 17 Ladrillo (5) 19 Río (corriente de agua) (5) 21 Prensa (5) 22 Priest (4)

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Friday, April 26, 2013 Across 1 Which beverage can be made by percolation, infusion, or decoction from the roasted and ground seeds of a tropical evergreen plant of African origin? (6) 4 In which board-and-tile game do two to four players compete in forming words with lettered tiles on a 225-square board?

(8) 9 Which musical term means ‘at a very slow tempo’? (5) 10 Anthony Hope’s novels The Prisoner of Zenda and Rupert of Hentzau are both set in which mythical kingdom of central Europe? (9) 11 Fe is the chemical symbol of which silver-white heavy ductile magnetic metallic element? (4) 12 In the ancient Roman calendar, what name was given to the 15th day of March, May, July, or October? (4) 13 In 10-pin bowling, what name is given to the knocking down of all 10 pins with the first two balls in a frame? (5) 15 What name is normally applied to a plaited lock of hair worn singly at the back or on each side of the head? (7) 16 Which verb means ‘to give oneself up to brooding’ or ‘to

move slowly or aimlessly’? (4) 19 A weapon designed to disable a victim temporarily by delivering a non-lethal highvoltage electric shock, is known as a ‘(what) gun’? (4) 20 What name for a fixed regular sum paid as a salary or as expenses to a clergyman, teacher, or public official, is derived from the Latin for ‘wages’ and ‘to pay’? (7) 23 Which river in the Scottish Borders council area of southeastern Scotland, flows eastward for 156 kilometres (97 miles) and forms for 27 kilometres (17 miles) the border with England? (5) 24 Which chess piece is also known as a castle? (4) 25 What name for a a celebrated female opera singer comes from the Latin for ‘goddess’? (4) 27 What name is often given to the first full-scale and usually functional form of a new type or design of a construction, such as an aeroplane? (9) 28 What word can mean both ‘a piece of construction material, such as laminated rock, prepared as a shingle for roofing and siding’ and ‘a written or unwritten record’? (5) 29 What name is given to a

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

substance, such as emery or pumice, which is used for roughening, smoothing, or polishing? (8) 30 What was the first name of

the 19th century Russian composer Mussorgsky? (6)

Down 1 Which Greek muse of epic

poetry shares her name with a musical instrument consisting of a series of steam whistles played from a keyboard? (8) 2 Which old English units of length, based on the lengths of an average ploughed furrow, are equal to 220 yards? (8) 3 In Greek mythology what was the name of the god of love and fertility, the equivalent of Cupid in Roman mythology?

(4) 5 Helleborus niger is the botanical name for which small poisonous perennial herb of the buttercup family, known for its tendency to bloom from late autumn to early spring, often in the snow? (9,4) 6 What word can mean both ‘preventing the growth of microorganisms that cause disease or infection’ and ‘so clean or pure as to lack character’? (10) 7 Which small breed of fowl shares its name with the boxing weight division with a maximum limit of 118 pounds for professionals and 119 pounds for amateurs? (6) 8 Which is the hardest tissue of the body, covering part or all of the crown of the tooth in mammals? (6) 10 Which flamboyant and

charismatic Russian ballet dancer, Dame Margot Fonteyn’s favourite partner, defected to the West in 1961?

(6,7) 14 Which adjective means ‘giving careful attention to detail’ or ‘excessively concerned with cleanliness’? (10) 17 What name is often applied to something possessed as a result of one’s natural situation or birth? (8) 18 Which word, derived from the Latin for ‘to throw’, means having a common endpoint or border? (8) 21 Which word that has come to mean ‘an imaginary place considered to be perfect or ideal’ comes from the title of a book written by Sir Thomas More, describing the perfect society on an imaginary island?

(6) 22 What was the surname of the French film director Jean (1894-1979) and his father, the Impressionist painter PierreAuguste (1841-1919)? (6) 26 Which Scandinavian capital city was known as Christiania from 1624 to 1877 and Kristiania from 1877 to 1925?

(4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

FIESTAS - PARTIES

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

science QUIZ

ANSWERS: 1. An isotherm 2. Porcine 3. China 4. 12 5.

Joint Photographic Experts Group 6. galileo 7. Barbed Wire 8. Snake 9. Mosquito 10. Yellowstone National Park 11. The Menopause 12. Central America Rainforest 13. Sir Isaac Newton 14 Sir Christopher Cockeral

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Nepotism, 9 Chow mein, 10 Gemini, 12 Emphysema, 13 Aorta, 14 Spud, 16 Scratch, 19 Ocarina, 21 Musk, 24 Optic, 25 Raconteur, 27 Sleepy, 28 Magician, 29 Saddle, 30 Bone-idle.

Down: 1 Nickel, 2 Prompt, 3/5 Tommy Steele, 4 Stipend, 6 Thesaurus, 7 Emigrate, 8 Epitaphs, 11 Cars, 15 Principal, 17 Colossus, 18 Masthead, 20 Acre, 21 Meccano, 22 Behind, 23 Bronze, 26 Naive.

las velas

el disfraz

la tarta

la diversión

los dulces

la gelatina

los globos

la invitación

los juegos

las bebidas

los regalos

las bolas

patatas fritas

las tarjetas Empareja estas palabras - Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.dar las gracias,

14.los regalos, 15.patatas fritas.

l.the jelly, m.the fun,

2.el disfraz.3.la diversión, 4.la gelatina,5.la invitación,

a.the cake, b.the presents,

6.las bebidas, 7.las bolas,

c.the fancy dress costume,

8.las tarjetas, 9.las velas,

d.crisps, e.the games,

10.la tarta, 11.los dulces,

f.the invitation, g.the balls,

12.los globos, 13.los juegos,

h.the candles, i.say thank you,

Soduko

j.the sweets, k.the balloons,

Span - Eng

Quizword

n.the drinks, o.the cards,

Answers: 1i, 2c, 3m, 4l, 5f, 6n, 7g, 8o, 9h, 10h, 11j, 12k, 13e, 14b, 15d.

1. What Is The Name For The Line On A Weather Map Which Connects Points Of Equal Temperature?

2. Horse Is To Equine As Pig Is To What?

3. Which nation invented Paper?

4. How Many Faces Has The Solid A Dodecahedron?

5. A JPEG is a picture file format. What does JPEG stand for?

6. What Italian astronomer wrote the starry messenger?

7. In 1867, Lucian B. Smith invented what restraint?

8. The Word Ophidian Refers To What Sort Of Animal?

9. What creature's mating act lasts exactly two seconds?

10. In Which US National Park Is The Old Faithful Geyser?

11. What Is A Woman's Last Period Known as?

12. Where Is The Natural Habitat Of The Cheese Plant?

13. Who Was Inspired By An Apple Falliing?

14. Who Invented The Hovercraft?

dar las gracias

Fill It In

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Friday, April 26, 2013

TRELI ON THE TELLY with ALEX TRELINSKI IT’S strange that the Syfy channel hasn’t actually come up with a top line show since the groundbreaking, Battlestar Galactica aired its final episode four years ago.

They might have something though with Defiance, which has started on both their UK and Spanish services, and so far seems to be very watchable. There’s a comic book and Wild West

AN ALIEN LIFT FOR ST LOUIS

feel about it, which is no bad thing, as we are thrown some thirty years into the future, with humans living alongside aliens. Defiance is the modern name for the American city of St.Louis, and it’s facing threats from outside as well as within. The featurelength pilot and the next instalment have certainly got me interested, and there are smiles to be had as well, especially with the quirky

female (I think!) alien doctor.

There just isn’t enough high quality science fiction coming out of the States at the moment, so I’m really hoping that Defiance isn’t just a oneseason wonder after recent big failures like Flash Forward and The Event.

There’s one major flaw in Ben Elton’s new sitcom for BBC1 called The Wright Way. It just isn’t funny. What has happened to

q

the sharp young man who helped write the brilliant Blackadder and the anarchic The Young Ones? Yes, the great comedy writers like John Sullivan, Carla Lane and the team of David Croft and Jimmy Perry came up with turkeys like Sitting Pretty, Solo, and Come Back Mrs.Noah. But Elton has not struck TV gold since the eighties and I don‘t include The Thin Blue Line from the nineties on my list. I’d humbly suggest that he stick to writing his excellent novels, with his TV touch having deserted him.

The magic of TV has converted a studio back-lot in Swansea to all the splendour of Florence for the latest historical romp, Da Vinci’s Demons which has started on the FOX UK channel. Like The Tudors and The Borgias, it’s a load of old fac-

q

tual cobblers, but entertaining viewing all the same. Tom Riley plays a mid-twenties Leonardo looking to expose the lies of religion, with a cast of colourful characters in a hoot of a show. Episode one had Downton’s Hugh Bonneville getting up to no good, plus an hilarious robotic bird and a whole bag of naughty goings on.

Historians have been cueing up to trash it, but I couldn’t care less. It’s fun, and with only two episodes screened in the States, a second run has already been ordered.

As a TV nut, I loved the start of the BBC2 documentary series, America in Primetime, looking at the history of the big American TV shows. The first programme spanned over half a century in reviewing the portrayal of “the man of the house” in comedy, and later

q

in drama. Some of the clips featured shows that would not be well known to UK viewers, but you couldn’t argue over the stellar list of contributors, but I’d suggest that its range of material would not find a wide appeal after the narrow circle of fanatics like me. Perhaps for that reason, there were links inserted for the UK version with the BBC arts presenter, Alan Yentob, into a series that was screened in America two years ago, which explained why some of the statistics were well out of date. Those little gripes aside, it’s one of the most intelligent looks at the medium that I’ve seen in a very long time….perhaps since the mid-eighties, when Granada did an excellent series, called simply ‘Television’.

And a quick mention of series six of Mad Men on Sky Atlantic and Canal Plus Spain. The writing continues to be a delight as is the caddish behaviour of Don Draper, who is having an affair with his next-door neighbour, who just happens to be a friend of his wife!

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The Courier Friday TV 00:35 This Week 01:20 Holiday Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Crime Scene Rescue 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 Chefs: Put Your Menu Where Your Mouth Is 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 MasterChef 22:30 Have I Got News for You 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker: World Championships Extra 03:10 Panorama 03:40 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools: Tales from the Old Bailey: The Blackguard Boys

05:15 Schools: Tales from the Old Bailey: The Grave Robber 05:30 Schools: Tales from the Old Bailey: The Murderess 05:45 Schools: Tales from the Old Bailey: The Suffragettes 06:00 Schools: Tales from the Old Bailey: The Thief Taker General 06:15 Schools - Deadly Dilemmas Mission Madagascar 06:45 Schools - Lilly the Magnificent 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Crime Scene Rescue 09:15 Saints and Scroungers 10:00 Countryfile 11:00 Snooker: The World Championship 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Flog It! 20:00 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 21:00 Nature's Microworlds 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 The Genius of Turner: Painting the Industrial Revolution 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:50 River Monsters 01:45 Jackpot247 04:00 River Monsters 04:50 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Martin Lewis Money Show 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 The Ice Cream Girls 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 2 Fast 2 Furious

BEN EARL: TRICK ARTIST Magician Ben Earl demonstrates his mastery of sleight of hand and deception, beginning with a range of illusions based on the theme of crime. He invites a group of people to join him as he tries to catch a speeding bullet, leaps from the top of a moving car, goes to prison to perform with ex-convicts, and teaches an audience member how to be a pickpocket.

00:05 24 Hours in A&E 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 The Hoarder Next Door 02:05 Born to Be Different 03:00 Dispatches 03:30 Unreported World 03:55 Come Dine with Me 04:50 Deal or No Deal 05:45 Countdown 06:30 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 06:55 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 11:00 The Secret Millionaire 12:00 Location, Location, Location 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:30 Channel 4 Racing 16:30 1001 Things You Should Know 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Five Minutes to a Fortune 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 22:00 Ben Earl: Trick Artist 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

April 26

01:10 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olive the Ostrich 07:55 Little Princess 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trisha 13:00 Looney Tunes 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Royal Navy: Submarine Mission 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 Disney Shorts: Mickey's Trailer 16:20 Lies and Deception 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Air Crash Investigation 21:00 Iceland: Ash Cloud Apocalypse 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

39

The Courier Saturday TV

April 27

05:00 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 00:20 The Wright Way 00:50 Metro 02:45 Weatherview 02:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Nigel Slater's Simple Suppers 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Football Focus 14:00 Triathlon 15:00 Snooker: The World Championship 17:30 Final Score 18:20 Pointless Celebrities 19:10 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:30 Doctor Who 20:15 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins 21:05 The Voice UK 22:25 Casualty 23:15 BBC News; Weather 23:30 Match of the Day

00:05 Later with Jools Holland 01:10 Snooker: The World Championship 02:00 Snooker: World Championships Extra

01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Dante's Peak 09:10 Spellbound 05:45 ITV Nightscreen 11:00 Snooker: The World 07:00 Jungle Junction Championship 07:25 The Hive 07:40 Dino Dan 13:00 Paul Hollywood's Bread 08:05 Canimals 13:30 Just a Minute 08:20 Almost Naked Animals 14:00 University Challenge 08:35 Ultimate Spider-Man 09:00 Jessie 14:30 Talking Pictures 09:25 Saturday Farm 15:05 Notorious 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 16:45 Coast 11:20 My Tasty Travels with Lynda Bellingham 17:30 Snooker: The World 12:20 Murder, She Wrote Championship 13:20 ITV News and Weather 18:30 The Great British Sewing Bee 13:34 ITV Meridian Weather 19:30 Flog It! 13:35 Midsomer Murders 15:35 The Chase 20:00 Snooker: The World 16:35 Uncle Buck Championship 18:30 ITV News Meridian 21:00 Dad's Army 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 New You've Been Framed!

21:30 QI 20:00 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Young Margaret: Life, Love & 21:20 The Cube Letters 22:20 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:30 The United States of Television: 23:20 ITV News and Weather 23:34 ITV Meridian Weather America in Primetime 23:35 Commando 07:40 Station West

00:05 10 O'Clock Live 01:00 Random Acts 01:05 New Girl 01:35 The Mindy Project 02:00 Happy Endings 02:20 Accidentally on Purpose 02:40 The New Normal 03:00 Southland 03:45 St Elsewhere 04:30 Come Dine with Me 05:25 Deal or No Deal 06:20 Countdown 07:05 Kirstie's Homemade Home 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 British Rallycross 08:30 The Grid 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:05 Frasier 12:10 The Big Bang Theory 13:10 The Simpsons 13:40 The Secret Millionaire 14:40 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 19:40 Channel 4 News 20:00 Sarah Beeny's Selling Houses 21:00 Grand Designs 22:00 Season of the Witch 23:45 Derren Brown Investigates

SEASON OF THE WITCH Period horror starring Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman. In a land devastated by the Black Death, two knights are commanded to transport a young woman accused of witchcraft to a monastery where a ritual can be performed on her to end the pestilence. But their journey proves to be perilous and not everything is as it seems.

04:00 Question Time

00:50 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Motorsport Mundial 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:30 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Chloe's Closet 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:15 Animal Antics 08:25 Noddy in Toyland 08:35 City of Friends 08:50 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Jelly Jamm 11:00 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 11:35 Batman: The Brave and the Bold 12:00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild 13:00 Royal Navy: Submarine Mission 14:00 Up Periscope 16:15 Run Silent Run Deep 18:00 The Caine Mutiny 20:20 5 News Weekend 20:25 NCIS 21:15 NCIS 22:15 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 23:15 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

The Courier Sunday TV

April 28

02:20 Snooker: World Championships Extra 01:05 The Football League Show 02:25 Weatherview 02:30 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 08:25 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics 13:20 Bargain Hunt 14:20 Homes Under the Hammer 15:20 Flog It! 15:45 Points of View 16:00 Escape to the Country 17:00 Songs of Praise 17:35 Great Bear Stakeout 18:35 The Diamond Queen 19:35 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 The Village 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

00:30 Blackpool: Big Night Out 01:30 Snooker: The World Championship

04:20 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:45 Never a Dull Moment 09:15 Gardeners' World 09:45 The A to Z of TV Gardening 10:30 The Beechgrove Garden 11:00 Snooker: The World Championship 12:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 13:30 EastEnders 15:20 Snooker: The World Championship 19:00 Coast 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 Bill Bailey's Jungle Hero 22:00 Rupert Murdoch: Battle with Britain 23:00 Mock the Week 23:30 It's Kevin

01:20 01:50 04:00 04:45 07:00 07:25 07:40 08:05 08:20 08:30 09:00 09:25 09:30 10:25 11:20 12:20 12:34 12:35 14:35 15:05 16:20 17:25 Home 19:15 19:30 19:45 20:30 21:00 23:00 23:14 23:15

River Monsters Jackpot247 Ladette to Lady: Australia ITV Nightscreen Special Agent Oso The Hive Dino Dan Canimals Almost Naked Animals Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Sonny with a Chance ITV News Country House Sunday The Jeremy Kyle Show USA Dickinson's Real Deal ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Columbo: a Friend in Deed You've Been Framed!

Britain's Got Talent Food Glorious Food Free Willy 2: the Adventure ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Catchphrase Off Their Rockers Endeavour ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV Meridian Weather The Olivier Awards 2013

LOVE & OTHER DRUGS

Romantic comedy drama starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway.During the financial boom of the 1990s, drug salesman Jamie Randall makes a fortune from a revolutionary new pill called Viagra.

But Jamie is distracted from the pursuit of profit when he falls in love with the mysterious Maggie Murdock, whose sex-without-strings attitude to their relationship hides a painful secret.

00:50 02:55 05:00 05:55 06:40 07:05 07:15 07:40 08:35 09:00 09:30 10:00 10:30 13:00 13:30 13:55 14:20 14:50 16:45 17:45 18:50 20:30 21:00 22:00

The Libertine Hollyoaks Deal or No Deal Countdown Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard The Treacle People The Hoobs Blancpain Endurance Series Everybody Loves Raymond Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Frasier Sunday Brunch The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Simpsons The Simpsons The Phantom Deal or No Deal Five Minutes to a Fortune Marmaduke Channel 4 News The Secret Millions Love & Other Drugs

00:10 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:10 SuperCasino 04:55 Wildlife SOS 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 County Secrets 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 Angels of Jarm 06:15 Roary the Racing Car 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:35 Hana's Helpline 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:30 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Chloe's Closet 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Animal Antics 08:25 Noddy in Toyland 08:35 City of Friends 08:50 Little Princess 09:00 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:15 Mio Mao 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:45 Jelly Jamm 11:00 The Mr Men Show 11:15 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 11:20 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 11:55 Batman: The Brave and the Bold 12:20 Cowboy Builders 13:20 The Fifth Element 15:45 Cheaper by the Dozen 2 17:35 Zathura: a Space Adventure 19:25 5 News Weekend 19:30 Along Came Polly 21:00 Once Upon a Time 22:00 The Truth About Travellers 23:00 Harry Brown

40

The Courier Monday TV

April 29

00:40 Late Kick Off 01:10 Mother's Boys 02:40 Weatherview 02:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Animal Frontline 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:30 Weather 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Bang Goes the Theory 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Crimewatch 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Crimewatch Update 23:40 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

00:00 Snooker: The World Championship 00:50 Snooker: World

Championships Extra 02:50 Countryfile 03:45 Holby City 04:45 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:50 Crime Scene Rescue 09:20 Saints and Scroungers 10:05 Great British Menu 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:55 Party Election Broadcast 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Flog It! 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Only Connect 22:00 Dave Allen: God's Own Comedian 23:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 23:30 Weather

00:45 The Unforgettable 01:40 The Store 03:40 Motorsport UK 04:30 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 James Nesbitt's Ireland 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Vicious 22:30 The Job Lot 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 The Jonathan Ross Show

00:10 Dangerous Minds 02:00 How Hip Hop Changed the World 03:50 Inside Nature's Giants 05:05 Come Dine with Me 06:00 SuperScrimpers 06:15 Deal or No Deal 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 11:00 The Secret Millionaire USA 12:00 Location, Location, Location 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:45 Four Rooms 15:45 Countdown 16:30 1001 Things You Should Know 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Five Minutes to a Fortune 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Dispatches 21:30 SuperScrimpers 22:00 The Hoarder Next Door 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

THE JOB LOT New series. Comedy set in a West Midlands job centre, starring Sarah Hadland, Russell Tovey and Jo Enright. Manager Trish is struggling to keep things running smoothly. She has a world-of-work seminar to run, the temp is late, and difficult employee Angela returns, fresh from winning a tribunal. Karl is the only member of staff Trish can rely on, but now even he's reached the end of his tether.

01:10 Soho Blues 02:05 SuperCasino 04:55 Wildlife SOS 05:45 County Secrets 05:55 Hana's Helpline 06:10 Angels of Jarm 06:15 Roary the Racing Car 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:35 Hana's Helpline 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Castle Farm 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trauma Doctors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Extraordinary People: Britain's Tiniest Toddlers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 The Trail to Hope Rose 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Giant Pythons of the Everglades: Austin Stevens' Adventures 21:00 Nature Shock 22:00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild 23:00 The Invasion

The Courier Tuesday TV

April 30

00:25 BBC News: The Editors 00:55 The Graham Norton Show 01:40 Weatherview 01:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Animal Frontline 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 The Wright Way

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker: World Championships Extra 03:10 Keeping Britain Alive: The NHS in a Day

04:10 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Music Technology 06:00 Schools: How to Have a Clear Skin 06:10 Ancient Egypt: Life and Death in the Valley of the Kings 06:45 Schools: William Whiskerson - Eco Village 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Animal Frontline 09:15 Saints and Scroungers 10:00 Great British Menu 11:00 Snooker: The World Championship 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:55 Party Election Broadcast 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Flog It! 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 Alex Polizzi: The Fixer 22:00 Keeping Britain Alive: The NHS in a Day 23:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 23:30 Weather

00:40 Monk 01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Champions League Weekly 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Big Quiz - Benidorm v Essex

BIG BODY SQUAD At almost 40st, Jane is terrified of the outdoors and relies on a three-strong specialist ambulance team to help her overcome her fears and make a crucial hospital appointment. Cameras also follow mother-of-three Lucille as she battles against sleep apnoea, a weight-related breathing disorder that causes sufferers to stop breathing up to 100 times in an hour, leading to disturbed sleep or even sudden death.

00:05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Shameless 02:05 Black Mirror 02:55 Gok's Clothes Roadshow 03:55 The Renovation Game 04:50 Come Dine with Me 05:45 Deal or No Deal 06:40 SuperScrimpers 06:55 Kirstie's Homemade Home 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 11:00 The Secret Millionaire USA 12:00 Location, Location, Location 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:45 Four Rooms 15:45 Countdown 16:30 1001 Things You Should Know 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Five Minutes to a Fortune 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 22:00 Cutting Edge 23:00 Shameless

01:00 Britain's Closest Encounters 02:00 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Mio Mao 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Castle Farm 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Emergency Bikers 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Cowboy Builders 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 McBride: It's Murder, Madam 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Extraordinary People 21:00 Big Body Squad 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 Body of Proof 23:55 Dallas

41

The Courier Wednesday TV

May 1

00:05 The Aviator 02:45 Weatherview 02:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Animal Frontline 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker: World Championships Extra 03:10 The Super League Show 03:55 James May's Man Lab

04:55 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools - Body Matters 05:30 Schools - Poland Stories: Secondary 06:00 Schools - Poland Stories: Primary 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:15 Homes Under the Hammer 08:15 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 09:00 Animal Frontline 09:30 Great British Menu 10:30 See Hear 11:00 Snooker: The World Championship 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Flog It! 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 Coast 22:00 This World 23:00 Celebrity Mastermind 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 01:25 04:00 04:45 06:05 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 Views 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30 23:35

In Plain Sight Jackpot247 Loose Women ITV Nightscreen The Jeremy Kyle Show Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather ITV News Meridian Rory Bremner's Great British Dickinson's Real Deal ITV Meridian Weather Tipping Point The Chase ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Coronation Street All Star Mr & Mrs Scott & Bailey ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV Meridian Weather We Love the Monkees

00:05 01:10 01:15 02:10 02:35 03:05 03:30 04:00 04:55 05:50 06:45 06:50 07:10 08:05 08:30 09:25 11:00 12:00 13:00 13:05 13:35 14:45 15:45 16:30 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:55 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:55

Ben Earl: Trick Artist Random Acts European Poker Tour KOTV Boxing Weekly Sailing The Grid British Rallycross Blancpain Endurance Series Come Dine with Me Deal or No Deal Kirstie's Homemade Home SuperScrimpers The Hoobs According to Jim Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier The Secret Millionaire USA Location, Location, Location Channel 4 News Midday Come Dine with Me What's Cooking?

Four Rooms Countdown 1001 Things You Should Know Deal or No Deal Five Minutes to a Fortune The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News 4thought.tv Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 24 Hours in A&E 10 O'Clock Live Random Acts

ALL STAR MR & MRS Coronation Street's Julie Hesmondhalgh (Hayley Cropper) and her husband, actor Ian Kershaw, Hairy Biker Dave Myers and his wife Liliana, and McFly's Tom Fletcher with his wife Giovanna, find out how much they really know about each other.

The couple who give the most correct answers to a series of questions get the chance to win ÂŁ30,000 for their chosen charity. Game show, hosted by Phillip Schofield.

00:55 CSI: NY 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Mio Mao 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Castle Farm 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Rolf's Animal Clinic 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Soldier Love Story 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Frontline Police 21:00 Emergency Bikers 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

The Courier Thursday TV

May 2

00:05 Michael Clayton 02:00 Weatherview 02:05 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Animal Frontline 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker: World Championships Extra 03:10 See Hear 03:40 This Is BBC Two

05:00 Schools - Why the Industrial Revolution Happened Here 05:20 Locomotion: Dan Snow's History of Railways 06:00 Absolute Genius with Dick & Dom 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:50 Animal Frontline 09:20 Saints and Scroungers 10:05 Great British Menu 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Flog It! 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 22:00 The Politician's Husband 23:00 Watson & Oliver 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 The Dales 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Columbo: A Matter of Honor 05:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:45 Emmerdale 20:45 Live UEFA Europa League Football 23:10 ITV News and Weather 23:40 ITV Meridian Weather 23:45 Vicious

THE REPO MAN

Part one of two. In recession-hit Britain, many people are turning to finance companies to purchase items they want, but cannot afford to buy outright. This documentary follows the life and work of bailiff Sean James as he confronts debtors across the nation who fail to keep up their repayments. Supported by a rotating crew of parttime agents, including former world-champion boxer Marcus, ex-Marine `H' and scaffolder Reece, Sean is persistent and has no intention of leaving empty-handed when he tracks down his targets.

00:00 The Hoarder Next Door 01:05 The Sex Clinic 02:05 Revenge 02:50 Franklyn 04:30 Come Dine with Me 05:25 Deal or No Deal 06:20 Kirstie's Homemade Home 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 11:00 The Secret Millionaire USA 12:00 Location, Location, Location 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 What's Cooking?

14:45 Four Rooms 15:45 Countdown 16:30 1001 Things You Should Know 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Five Minutes to a Fortune 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Secret Eaters

22:00 The Repo Man 23:00 12 Year Old Lifer: True Stories

00:55 Poker 01:55 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Big Body Squad 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Hotel Inspector 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Mentalist 16:15 Deadly Visions 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 The Hotel Inspector 21:00 Born to Kill 22:00 Trauma Doctors 23:00 On Deadly Ground

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Friday, April 26, 2013

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self-employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

AUCTIONS

ANIMALS Pet Travel UK Personalised family pet transporter between Spain/France/UK. Door to door fully accompanied service. Travel overland then on ferries with your pets. No charge for passengers. Pet friendly hotels used if a stop required, All air conditioned vehicles (no vans), DEFRA licence. www.pettraveluk. co.uk UK 0800 612 4922 or Spain 678 756 644 AMERCIAN STANFORD puppy needs a good loving family. 8 weeks old, black with white chest. Very loving and caring. Intelligent and eager to learn. Call 653 12 43 43 (114)

AUTO ELECTRICIAN

BABY EQUPMENT HIRE TIPTOP BABY HOLIDAY CARE, travel cots, highchairs, car and booster seats. Buggies. Beach Towels. Free local delivery. www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk.

E-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

CARS FOR SALE

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer.

Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.

CommunityChurch@gmail.c om or contact Reverend Eddie on 966769300 or 650509606. Reg No:2009SG/A Good Friday Service at 11 am. at the Church Easter Sunday 11 am. will include a Drama message, please join us

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS - for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

OVERSEAS PROPERTY Need a UK base, 2 bed brick built bungalow in Kent for sale. Full c/h. long lease, for more details phone 965696113, e-mail, ronelliott1@hotmail.co.uk £20,000 (115)

PROPERTY FOR RENT Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully comprehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963 Looking for a car We have a good selection of LHD & RHD vehicles FOR SALE OR EXCHANGE Quality cars bought for cash Tel 600 726 221 / 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com (114) Ford focus 1.6 tdci 2005 1 owner, 77,OOO kms, fsh, A/C, CD, lovely condition, light metallic blue, 6750 euro Tel 600 726 221 / 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars .com (114)

Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 or 3 bed / 2 bath apartments in San Miguel. Lift, communal rooftop pool & solarium, video entry system. Available for short or long term rent from 350 pcm. Tel 966723437 or 636615716. (116) Ref: 61, A lovely two bedroomed ground floor apartment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swimming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking distance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 33, Ground floor spacious 2 bedroom apartment, located in Torre la Mata.

Close to all amenities and beach.

3 month rental €300pcm Call: 965 707 188 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apartment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 702: Beautiful 2 bedroom apartment, located near los Locos beach, beautifully furnished. Short term rentals from 175€ per week.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in

Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 El Chaparel/La Siesta Two bedroom apartment in a quiet gated urbanisation for rent €350 per month plus bills. Reference No 17 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS LONG TERM LET TORREVIEJA – 2 bed, park home, aircon, TV, DVD, communal pool and bar. Near Torretta II shops and bars. Close to beach. 250pm + bills. 617 599 470 (113) Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. KBJ3 – Luxury duplex penthouse apartment located near the marina in Guardamar. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, amazing panoramic views, inc.parking and storage. 500 € pcm.

966 923 963

CAR BREAKERS

CATERING

CARPENTER

AIRPORT COLLECTION

ALARMS

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS

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Friday, April 26, 2013

bath with large 65m2 garage, front and back terraces. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. RS90 – 2 bedroom detached villa all on one level, fully furnished, as new! Located in El Raso (Guardamar) 400 €. pcm Tel. 966 923 963 Ref. CBR21 – A rare chance to rent a frontline beach apartment in Torrevieja!

Ground floor with large terrace, 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, direct and full-on sea views. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 CBR27 – Ground floor apartment in closed luxury residential with beautiful communal gardens, pool, 2 beds 1 walk-in shower, redecorated this year. Only 250m walk to beach, inc.parking. 425€ pcm, call 966 923 963 CBR31 – Town centre apartment in Los Montesinos, all amenities nearby, spacious 2 beds 1 bath 250€ pcm, call 966 923 963 Ref. CBR3 – 2 bedroom 2 bathroom townhouse located in Algorfa, communal pool, fully furnished, 300 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. RS20 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment within private enclosed residential in San Luis, large terrace, 300 € pcm. 966 923 963 CBR18 – Detached Spanish villa, beachside Punta Prima, 4 bedrooms, garage, 1200 m2 plot, own pool, 900 € pcm. 966 923 963 CBR23 : Stylish new house in Los Montesinos, 3 bed 2

PROPERTY FOR SALE Home and Contents cover Comprehensive policies for house and contents with CASER Seguros - excellent prices for expats; policies available in. Call 966 923 963 for a quote.

Torrevieja. Club with 4 bedrooms and bathrooms, large entrance, about 90 m², furnished. Also suitable for office or other commercial, close to Playa de los Locos.

Price. €89,000 Phone 686935870 (118) Torrevieja. Well-established restaurant and bar for reasons of age for sale €119,000 Including inventory. 100 m², close to Playa de los Locos. Tel 686935870 (118) Ref. BRJ1 – 1 bedroom top floor renovated apartment in San Luis. Great sea and lake views. 55.000 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref: 510, €70,000.

Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2

bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis communal pool. Walking distance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Rare opportunity to purchase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles.

It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground parking, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essential. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks projected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 communal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popular urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful

furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref 533: Lovely 2 bedroom Townhouse located in the popular area of Punta Prima, the property has a large lounge and fully equipped kitchen, 2 double bedrooms, one with balcony, bathroom with double shower. €126,000 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge-Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call:

965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off-road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool nearby. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Top floor Duplex. Very good price of 108.000 euros for a quick sale. Furnished to a very high standard, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, Lounge Diner, Glazed in Porch, Large Roof Top Solarium.

Choice of Communal Pools, Private Parking. Walking distance to all amenities and on the First urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant.

Viewing essential. Ref No. K44. Tel. 627 711 155 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interior furnishings are top quality, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and graveled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in shower units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside

toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Balsares is opposite Gran Alacant where the proposed golf course is now being started so this property will virtually be on the golf course, it is an investment not to be missed. The property is on a small gated urbanisation of 18 houses with private underground parking for 2 cars and direct access to the house, communal pool and toilets/changing rooms etc.

The house is brand new and consists of 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, lounge with working fire place, large kitchen 12 m2, large galleria/ utility room, bedroom balcony and front tiled terrace. This property also has a converted under build for an extra lounge or bedroom. ref K52 €198,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

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Friday, April 26, 2013

Gran Alacant Opportunity to purchase a beautiful 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed,large kitchen, detached property with roof- top solarium. Well established gardens and drive way for 2 cars, whilst also overlooking the projected 18 hole golf course.

Comprising of fitted wardrobes, utility room, air con H/C, alarm system, electric wall heaters, intercom system, fireplace, ceilings fans, 8x7 gazebo, use of 2 large communal pools, immaculate condition with many extras. ref K12. €180,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant bargain, detached villa with pool on 400m2 plot. Briefly comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, Lounge Diner, independent kitchen, solarium with views, well maintained gardens. Quiet location yet within walking distance of all amenities. Top quality furniture and appliances included in the price. Extras include, mosquito nets, grills, toldos blinds, built in wardrobes, gas fire, electric heating, ceiling fans, English & Spanish TV, tastefully tiled & graveled garden with irrigation system. ref K43. €229,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant South facing attractive corner house Situated in the sought after urbanization of Monte Faro, this secure gated urbanization offers a stunning oasis

pool, with mountain views, tennis courts and football courts. Consisting of 3 double beds with balconies, 2 bathrooms, kitchen leading onto court yard which can easily be converted into an extra room, lounge diner with working fireplace, front garden with private parking for 2 cars. Being sold fully furnishes with white goods, built in 2006 so immaculate condition hardly lived in. Ref K48 €168,000 priced for quick sale Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Large detached villa with beautiful gardens set on 550m2 plot, built in BBQ area and large 10x6 pool.Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner with fire place, Independent Kitchen, air con H/C, Solarium, front porch, converted under build with 3 extra rooms, private covered parking, irrigated gardens, close distance to beach and amenities. Ref. K18 €250,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant beautiful detached villa with very large pool and within walking distance to the Gran Alacant Commercial Centre.

This villa comprised of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, lounge-diner, Independent kitchen, roof top storage, solarium, porch & terrace.

Large private pool, BBQ area, established gardens

ELECTRICIAN

and private terraces, Private Parking, Solarium with Views to Alicante. 450m2 plot, fully furnished including white goods. Located in very quiet desirable road. ref.L96. €255,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant Gem! Fabulous detached Villa, with Alicante sea views to the front and wood land views to the rear, means this immaculate villa is very private and un-overlooked.

Comprising of 2 large bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 2 bath, large fully equipped kitchen,glazed porch sitting area, solarium, Attractive Pool with cover, well maintained Gardens. Central Heating, Air Con, Ceiling fans, Private Parking, Alarm system, Decorative working Fire Place complete with electric Fire. Outdoor workshop/storage area, Quality Pergola & BBQ. Constructed in 2006, on plot size of 380m2 and being sold fully furnished including white goods. ref L80. €234,995 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Rare investment!! corner south facing opportunity on Novamar urbanisation.This immaculate ground floor duplex has been kept and maintained to a very high standard inside and out the position is fantastic, enjoys views over the lovely oasis communal pool, surrounded by lawned gardens. Comprising of plot size 100m2 Build Size 90m2, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, fully furnished, AntiGlare Windows, Security Door, Security Grills, Built-in Wardrobes, Extra Storage, Galleria, Electric Panel Heaters, Heated Towel Rails, Air Con (h&c), Ceiling.

Fans. Thermo Shower,

Vanity Units and decoratively tiled throughout, exquisite garden, Underground private parking.

Ref.K10 €139,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Situated in the central area of Gran Alacant and within walking distance to all local amenities such as a selection of different cuisine restaurants, bars, pharmacies, banks, popular GA market and Carabassi Beach.

Comprises of 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms with a private garage and roof-top solarium. This property is part of a small urbanization which has the use of a large decorative communal pool. Ref. K36 €149,000 Tel 680333242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155 Gran Alacant, Situated front line to the famous blue flag beaches of Carabassi, the real beauty of this property is its proximity to the beach, but also on offer is a fantastic communal pool situated in beautifully kept gardens with little Spanish walk ways.Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, American style kitchen including all appliances, roof top solarium with stunning views, front porch area with front garden and a secure underground garage. fully furnished Ref. K23 €125,000 rare opportunity Tel 680333242

Gran Alacant limited edition villa, not very often available on the market. Only a few of this type were ever constructed- Very large 5 bedrooms, 4 bathroom(2 ensuit) property, situated on a large corner plot with a 10 x 5 private pool and private parking. Lounge-diner with working fireplace, fully equipped kitchen with utility room. Large landing area, leading onto solarium, with extra storage external room.

Front porch area leading into large well established gardens with irrigation system and fruit trees. Being sold fully furnished. Within walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and 5 minute drive to Carabassi beaches. ref.

K11. €270,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant South facing attractive corner house Situated in the sought after urbanization of Monte Faro, this secure gated urbanization offers a stunning oasis pool, with mountain views, tennis courts and football courts. Consisting of 3 double beds with balconies, 2 bathrooms, kitchen leading onto court yard which can easily be converted into an extra room, lounge diner with working fireplace, front garden with private parking for 2 cars. Being sold fully furnishes with white goods, built in 2006 so immaculate

condition hardly lived in. Ref K48 €168,000 priced for quick sale Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Ground floor south west facing apartment in Puerto Marino close to G.A commercial centre, comprising of 2 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Lounge-Diner, Independent Kitchen with Galleria, Porch area and large tiled front garden, The property is being sold fully furnished and includes all kitchen appliances, H & C Air con is fitted as well as sky TV. The apartment enjoys the use of 2 large communal pools and has private parking in an enclosed electronically gated car park.

Competitively priced for a quick sale. Ref. K40 €91,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant Limited edition bungalow. Only six of this type available in Gran Alacant. Constructed in 2003 and immaculately maintained on a large plot size of 500m2 with a 10 x 5 pool.Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge-diner leading out onto front porch, independent kitchen including white goods, outside galleria, court yard, large garage with electric door, roof top solarium and private parking. Also built in wardrobes, Toldos blinds, air con H/C, security grills, alarm, security doors, bathrooms heaters, outside

KITCHENS

POOL TABLES

PETS

PARTY PLANNING

DAMP PROOFING

PLUMBERS

DRAINAGE

PLASTERER

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Friday, April 26, 2013 toilet, outdoor lighting, irrigation system, attractive and well kept gardens, beautifully tiled inside and out, fire place, English TV, phone line. Being sold with top quality furniture. ref L95. €275,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant large detached villa with 3 double bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge-diner, fully equipped kitchen, large porch, roof top solarium, 400 m2 Plot, with established low maintenance very private gardens with irrigation system, electronic gates, private parking, outside wc, sink & shower, terraces, air con ( h & c ), mosquito nets, grills, alarmed, large spa pool with separate Jacuzzi section.

Within easy walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and close to local bus and tram route.

Ref K33. €260,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working fire place, brand new kitchen with all appliances

REMOVALS

and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, established irrigated gardens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a converted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished.

Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south-facing, very private villa, with woodland and Alicante views.

Situated at the end of a small cul-de-sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge-diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and storage in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of outside parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

PROPERTY MANAGEMENT TIPTOP VILLA CARE, total property management, keyholding, holiday and long term rentals. www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk. e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582

QUIZZES Experienced quizmaster/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:- 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT Kitchen Assistant Part Time required for busy restaurant near San Miguel de Salinas.

All year round postion for the right applicant. 633 154 038

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your problems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are welcome to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

RAG AND BONE

SURVEYOR

STORAGE

VAN HIRE

WARDROBES

WANTED

46

Friday, April 26, 2013

Greenside Gossip 10 REASONS WHY THE GOLF PRO HATES YOU IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

O,K “hate” is a little strong, I have, however, heard numerous Caddy Masters or Golf Pros express their displeasure at some of the more “idiotic,” “half-witted,” and “asinine” habits of some players belonging to the golfing public.

And no, it’s not like the local Caddy Masters are likely to throw you out of their shop, but… it is entirely possible that behind closed doors they might be sniggering at your expense.

Now then, here are 10 reasons why the Caddy Master or Golf Pro hates you – 1. You consistently show up late for your tee times.

Showing up late for your mother-in-law’s birthday party is one thing. Showing up late for tee times is entirely different – the negative fall-out is likely to be far more reaching. Most people don’t realise that every tee time for the rest of day is affected by your “my cat got run over by a car so I couldn’t get here in time” approach to playing the game. Scrambling to get back on time, a poor pace of play, and ultimately, lost revenue due to unhappy golfers, are the results of you consistently showing up late for your starting time.

2. Without being able to hit the ball out of your own shadow, you place yourself in the “I’m one of the best golf teachers on the planet so listen to my advice” category.

Contrary to popular belief, “keep your head down” and “keep your left arm straight” are two of the most pathetically useless things you can say to a playing partner who is struggling. In fact, by blurting out these two “tips,” you immediately put yourself in the “I-really-know-nothing-about-teachinggolf” category.

3. Your favourite club in your bag is your ball retriever.

Despite the fact that you could hit a marshmallow further

KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION In Match Play the opponents concede a putt. If the player wishes to putt out anyway for practice can he do so before the remaining players complete the hole?

ANSWER NO! The putt that is conceded may have been conceded because the line of putt could have assisted your partner with his putt to win the hole, if you putt out after your putt has been conceded and it helps your partner then your side loses the hole.

tee before rigor mortis sets in with your playing partners (and every single tee time behind you gets backed up), should be every golfer’s responsibility.

7. When calling to book your tee time you expect the golf pro to get you your favourite starting time within 3 or 4 milliseconds.

Frequent conversation in the Caddy Masters shop: Man on phone: What do you have around 10:00 Tuesday? Caddy Master: How about 10:02? Guy on phone: Do you have anything closer to 10:00?

than that ball that’s been sitting at the bottom of an algae infested pond for two years, you would sacrifice your Armani trousers and Cutter & Buck golf shirt any day to retrieve those name brand x-outs.

4. You pretend that you’re Lewis Hamilton, your Golf Buggy is a Ferrari, and the area around the fifth green is Silverstone.

Road rage, chequered flags, and high-speed pile-ups are not supposed to be part of playing golf. Unfortunately, with consumption of the obligatory six-pack necessary for swing lubrication, accidents involving the “more expensive than you think” Golf Buggy are more apt to happen. Interestingly, new Golf Buggies cost between 4500 – 6000 Euros each (for a prosthetic leg, add a few zeros.) Caddy Masters prefer to see their equipment, as well as your skeletal structure, remain intact throughout the round.

5. You’d rather stand by your “I’d rather have a good hammer thrower like golf swing”, and 120-plus scores than pay out a few Euros for a golf lesson or two.

I am not sure what it is about breaking windows and scattering foursomes on adjacent holes that have such widespread appeal. Contrary to what some people may bellow at you on the course, there is hope for you. The golf pro respects those who seek professional help.

6.You take 16 practice swings on the first tee.

Granted, most golf courses use tee time intervals that are much too short, packing the golf courses and making them excellent environments for the next “Survivor” series.

However, it cannot be understated that getting off the first

TITTER ON THE TEE A young man was due to play golf with his girlfriend.

Before the game, he went to the pro shop and purchased a couple of golf balls. He put them in his trouser pocket and met his girlfriend on the first tee. She noticed the bulge in his pocket and asked him what it was.

“Its only golf balls”, the young man replied. “Oh,” she said, “I’m sorry. Is it something like tennis elbow?”

8. You refuse to play anything but the championship tees.

The course features six forced carries from the back tees that you couldn’t handle even if you used helium filled golf balls. The yardage from the back tees totals 8,000 yards. A sign on the first hole’s championship tee reads “Only Stupid People Play From These Tee Markers.” But even still, you grab your rusty niblicks and saunter over to the “Tiger Tees” for a good old’ fashioned beating – not to mention a torturous seven-hour round.

9. It’s always somebody else’s fault.

Yes, we know, that little spotty-faced kid at McDonald’s forgot to take the pickle out of your cheeseburger, thus throwing you off your equilibrium, and your putting stroke.

Excuses work well for four-year olds when they forget that they invented toilets for what they just did in their pants - but that’s about it. Of course, golf pros can just as easily commit this crime.

10. You never practise! (Properly) Contrary to what the populous at the local driving range thinks, lunging at golf balls for an hour a day isn’t going to do it. Also, if you’ve invested some time and money into golf lessons, you should consummate that investment by actually practising the skills you’re learning. Think about it, if you started playing the piano, do you think you could just sit down and play a Mozart concerto without sacrificing months to rehearse the piece with a qualified teacher? You would sound like a monkey banging on the keys. It is no different in golf – you have to have a plan and put some quality time into it.

Yes hate is a strong word. And granted, unless you walk into the Caddy Masters shop and pee on the carpet, they won’t likely go so far as to hate you. So get out on the golf course and allow some extra time in case you run over your cat. And for heaven’s sake, stop saying “keep your head down” to every hammer thrower you meet.

47

Friday, April 26, 2013

MEALY-MOUTHED MIS-MANAGEMENT

SO, it’s official then: Luis Suarez is bigger than Liverpool FC. He must be, because when Ian Ayre, the managing director Ian Ayre was asked whether the biting incident would affect Suarez’ future at the club, he unbelievably said: ‘Not at all. It affects his future in the sense that we have to work with him on his discipline.’

Then yesterday, following the overly-lenient 10 game ban: ‘Both the club and player are shocked and disappointed at the severity of today's Independent Regulatory Commission’. Oh really? What that forkedtongue no-condemnation twaddle means is that without Suarez’ goals and assists this season Liverpool would probably be fighting relegation…

Hey, hang on a minute – Suarez has done it before, in Holland in 2010 and he got a seven match ban then – did he learn his lesson? Did Ajax ‘work on his discipline’ then, Ian? Nah, they got rid of him.

Trouble is the madman’s in our Premiership now, showing his naked racism (Patrice

Learn to live Luis-less, Liverpool!

Evra incident), unsportsmanlike behaviour (refusal to shake hands), cheating (diving, deliberate handball), snarling aggression (throatgrabbing, numerous bookings). Oh what a role model Suarez is for our aspiring young footballers. If (any) Liverpool supporters endorse his behaviour, will their sons copy Suarez to obtain Dad’s approval?

Fortunately, not everyone is as one-eyed as Ian Ayre.

Mark Lawrenson: ‘What Luis

Suarez did has absolutely no place in football... You cannot bite people anywhere, let alone on a football field…

He's a world-class player but he gives you world-class trouble. There will always be trouble here...’

Ex-Liverpool player and manager Graeme Souness: ‘There are lines you just can't cross, and he has crossed it’.

Similar stuff from Alan Hansen, Robbie Savage and more. My Monday morning meeting with a die-hard

‘Spirit of Shankly’ Liverpool supporter: ‘Suarez should never pull on a Liverpool shirt again’. Sorry youse, but…he will, won’t he?

Rabid dogs bite people – it’s evil, insane, whether it’s Anfield, Buenos Aries, world heavyweight boxing, pub brawls, street fights or anywhere, let alone on a Premier League football pitch in front of your own proud fans on the Kop. I’m not a big fan of Branislav Ivanovich or his club, but I have to say he and

ELCHE LOSE, BUT PROMOTION’S STILL ON! Alcorcon

1

Elche

0

Yes, the goals have dried up and the superb defence, minus kingpin Peligrin who went off after half an hour, actually conceded Elche ‘s 20th in 35 games five minutes into the second half. It’s still OK though, the Illicitanos are nine points

clear of Girona, and ten over Alcorcon for automatic promotion. Next Sunday, appropriately at high noon, Elche are home to Girona, the form team. Let’s all hope the Franjiverdes are getting over the goalscoring slump that has only produced two in four matches. Mucho Elche!

Lone goal sinks Monte

CD Orihuela Costa 1 CD Montesinos 1

ANOTHER early start saw Monte kick-off in front of a crowd of nearly 200 on a windy and over watered pitch, writes HOWARD YEATS. Despite the conditions both teams played some good football and it was Orihuela who went ahead after 15 minutes with a shot that Christian could only palm to the feet of an oncoming forward.

Monte had two near misses from Wallace and one from

Edu but once again Monte went in at half time 1-0 down.

Monte set the pace in the second half and nearly paid the price when the opposition wasted two chances on the break.

With Orihuela pinned back in their half, Monte missed a couple of chances as well as having one kicked off the line.

Pressing ever forward Monte were caught out with only a couple minutes to go and only a great save by Christian kept the score at 1-0.

This Sunday, April 28, Montesinos are at home to local rivals Racing San Miguel, kick-off 5pm.

TORREVIEJA followed up their emphatic 3-1 win at Catarroja by beating La Nucia 2-1 at home at the weekend and essentially putting paid to their visitors’ hopes for playoff football, writes JEFF SCOTT. Torry turned on a five-star performance that had thrills galore and was a mouthwatering treat for all present. A typical bustling performance from Koeman saw him dispossess a defender on the touchline, jink inside and play an inchperfect reverse pass to Gasch who rammed home the opener.

When former Torry striker Petu equalised from the penalty spot early in the second period, Torry donned their battling

boots and were not to be denied.

After two wonderful efforts were somehow kept out of the net, Koeman made no mistake on 80 minutes, prodding home a richly deserved winner. It lifted Torry to 44 points and a lofty 13th place in the table, but all is not secure just yet. A tough assignment awaits at Borriol on Sunday midday then it is home to play-off bound Elche Ilicitano at 5pm on Wednesday May 1.

This match is designated a "Dia del Club" with socios able to gain free entry, €5 for season ticket holders and €10 for others. Fans must remember to bring socio and season ticket cards to show at the gate to enjoy their discount.

Torry are Koeman good at last!

Chelsea behaved with dignity (learnt from Clattengate?) by not taking it further.

Poor old Rafa and the Boys in Blue were left to rue the loss of two valuable points in the 97th(?) minute, ironically scored by Suarez, the same vile, violent villain who shouldn’t even have been on the field anyway.

Didn’t Ivanovich (rightly) protest to the ref and show him his arm, clearly demonstrating to everyone in the world what sicko Suarez had done?

Astoundingly a ‘naughty boys’ finger-wagging gesture was all that happened, no linesman consultation there.

The club fine is meaningless Monopoly money to Suarez: ‘I have asked the club to donate the money to the Hillsborough Family Support Group for the incon-

venience I have created to the Liverpool fans and to Ivanovic’. Inconvenience?

Pass the sick bag - if he’s got the money why didn’t he donate it in the first place?

He’s got absolutely no right to dictate where it should go.

Oh I forgot - Suarez is bigger than the club, which of course excuses everything even what he did on Sunday.

It’s funny, but I don’t recall Roger (gentleman) Hunt, Ian (goal-machine) Rush, ‘King’ Kenny Dalglish, and even‘growling’ old toothless Tommy Smith ever biting anyone. The late ‘Crazy Horse’ Emlyn Hughes, who earned his nickname from the admiring Kop by diving full-length and rugby-tackling his marker, would turn in his grave about a Liverpool player biting an opponent in pure violent spite: disgusting and abhorrent to watch.

Get rid Liverpool, and save yourself a whole load more future trouble...

EVERY DAY’S A FOOTBALL DAY April 28th 1923 Bolton versus West Ham becomes the first FA Cup final to be staged at Wembley and attracts an official crowd of 126,047, although it is estimated a further 75,000 scaled the gates to get in for nothing.

Bolton won 2-0.

29th 1992 Ukraine play their first ever international, losing 1-3 to Hungary, Getske, scoring his nation’s first goal.

30th 1927 Sam Wynne became the first English footballer to die during a first class match. He collapsed during Bury’s league match with Sheffield Wednesday and a post mortem found he had been suffering from pneumonia and the exertion caused a massive heart attack May

May

1st 1994 Liverpool play their final game in front of the Kop, losing 1-0, Jeremy Goss becoming the last player to score in front of the famous old stand.

2nd 1953 Blackpool beat Bolton 4-3, which, despite Stan Mortensen scoring a hat trick, becomes known as the Matthews final. This was the first final attended

by HM Queen Elizabeth II and, amazingly, is the only trophy won by Matthews in a long and illustrious career.

3rd 1973 Michel Platini makes his debut for French Club Nancy, having previously being rejected by Metz due to a suspected weak heart.

4th 1949 A plane carrying the all conquering Torino side crashes in the Superga area of Turin on its return from Portugal, killing all 31 passengers and crew.

5th 1956 Bert Trautmann of Manchester City plays the final 15 minutes of the FA Cup final versus Birmingham with a broken neck.

Compiled by STUART EVANS

Friday, April 26, 2013

48

DOUBLE DEUTCH

Real roasted und Barca blitzed as Germany takes over in Europe!

John McGregor reports

IN the Champions League semifinal first legs, the pride of Spain and two of Europe’s top teams were both taken apart within 24 hours of each other in Germany.

Is the centre of football power in Europe shifting to The Fatherland from Spain?

First Barcelona were blitzed 4 – 0 by barnstorming Bayern Munich on Tuesday night, followed by Wednesday’s 4-1 humbling of Real Madrid at the unlikely hands of this year’s revelations Borussia

Dortmund.

Now it is up to two of the best footballers in the world today, Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, and their teammates to try to repair the damage in next week’s return legs and stop the German sides marching on to the Wembley final. On zis veek’s performances there’s no chance! But this is football...

Hey, back in lil ol’ England have you noticed how the top of the Prem is neatly divided into pecking-order cities? Manchester teams one and two, third, fourth and fifth London sides, then come the city of Liverpool,

which has Everton showing Merseyside meritocracy over the Reds in sixth and seventh.

Chelsea, Arsenal and Spurs are all fighting it out to be the Capital’s kingpins, but all must to pay homage to mighty Man Utd and their terrific season, bouncing back to their 20th title to beat off nasty neighbours Man City. The Blues slipped up, conceding three in seven mad minutes at Tottenham, and now have only the FA Cup Final for consolation, after huge embarrassment in Europe and fading away fitfully in the league.

More capital capers this weekend as Tottenham travel to wacky Wigan, who can always shock on their day, the Latics in huge trouble third bottom, whacked last week by West Ham, Samsammers finishing strongly.

But hey, if anyone can get out of trouble, Wigan can.

Chelsea need to swat Swansea away at The Bridge on Sunday, chased an hour later by Arsenal who entertain – guess who? Why, back to the renewed Champions, this time complete with new/old boy (depends on your viewpoint) superstar striker Robin van Persie, who single-handedly secured the title on Monday night with a stunning first-half hat-trick as the Reds blew back-in-trouble Aston Villa away. Vanman’s second was another contender for goal of the season as a Wayne Rooney chip from inside his own half

found reliant Robin roaring down the middle and his first time left foot volley was a pearler.

Potty Paolo (di Canio) did his party trick again as Sunderland were roared on at the Stadium of Light to beat Everton 1 – 0. Is it the same players, they look a different class? Although technically the Black Cats are still on the same dodgy 37 points total as Newcastle and Stoke, it really looks like either Villa or Wigan going down with Reading and Quite Properly Relegated. Harry Redknapp’s ‘dreams are in tatters’, but he still doesn’t want to play golf all week, he said/ Bless...

Fashion focus: after those awful snoods some girls’ blouses wore last season when it was cold, have you noticed the latest must-have item? Them there kamikaze pilot/aviator-type goggles are really catching on. The trendy King’s Road set at Chelsea started it, of course, with Djemba Ba, and now Fernando Torres has got one. But I think I spotted one at Sunderland – or was it Stoke?

It’s nearly all over at the top of the Championship, only two games to go but the play-off positions still aren’t clear. This weekend should sort that out. Just don’t mention Forest, please...