The Courier Week 115 by TKO UK

Edition 115

www.thecourier.es

Friday, May 3, 2013

A BUNCH OF COWBOYS!

IBERDROLA is facing a legal backlash over excessive fines and reconnection fees slapped on communities which have done no wrong. The Courier’s front-page revelation last week that the electricity giant is demanding a ‘fine’ of €6,000 to reconnect part of the Fontana 1 apartment

DONNA GEE REPORTS

block in Algorfa sparked an angry reaction both among residents and the outside community. And Fontana 1 President Brian Simmons, who last week accused Iberdrola of ‘legalised blackmail’, conceded: “In the interests of the safety and quality of life of the owners in

Bloque 4 we have decided to pay the fine and try to legally recover the money later. “We have had lots of comments from local people after reading your article. Nothing but utmost disgust. I have been told that Iberdrola cut off the main Government office and six smaller Government offices in and around Valencia last year. They certainly are a bunch of cowboys.’’ Mr Simmons revealed: “‘According to my administrator, Iberdrola have now said we have never had a meter. Hopefully the picture I have taken (left) shows the outline of where the meter was and also the cables that are left.’’ Meanwhile, a Formentera community is to fight Iberdrola in court over a similar problem. Their President, Jennifer Barker, said: “We have been told by Iberdrola that they are fining the community over €4,000 for something relating to the garage in 2010. For what? We have asked them - and can we get a reply? Of course we can’t, so we agreed at our AGM last July to fight them in court at a cost of €1,700. “Our court date is October 3. We know it is a risk and we may lose. But it is about time that Iberdrola found out that the little people will fight back. “We are just hoping and praying that the outcome is in our favour.’’

Iberdrola face fury of ‘little people’

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Friday, May 3, 2013

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Shore birds at San Pedro mudflats Photograph by CHRIS SMITHSON La Marina

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Picture of the Week

JUNGLE DRUMS

I thought they were Malaga police going to kill me… swoop on £7m GANG ROB EXPAT PENSIONER UK fraud suspect IN HIS OWN HOME

A BRITISH pensioner has been subjected to a horrifying armed robbery at his village home near Antequera in Malaga. The 77-year-old expat, who has asked not to be identified, was rushed to hospital for a blood transfusion and brain scan after being tied up and beaten by four robbers. The gang, who are believed to be Spanish, remain at large after taking over €2,000 worth of goods. “I had just sat down to watch the television at nine o’clock when I heard glass break in the kitchen,” the victim

said. He armed himself with a metal pole to investigate the noise and saw four masked men at his door.“I pleaded with them to go away but one grabbed the pole out of my hands and forced his way in.” He was then attacked and tied up with a telephone cable. Repeatedly demanding money, the gang become more even violent before threatening him with several weapons. “They told me they were going to kill me, they had my garden shears at my throat. I tried to tell them I’m a

pensioner, I don’t have any money, I don’t have a safe or anything like that,” he added. The robbers then dragged the pensioner down a set of stairs to his garage where a knife was produced. “I thought they were going to kill me,” he added. He was then left tied up and bleeding from his injuries while the gang ‘ransacked’ his house for 15 minutes before fleeing with valuables. The elderly Brit required several stitches to his forehead and hands after the ordeal. The Guardia Civil are investigating.

A BRIT wanted by UK police over a suspected £7m mortgage scam has been arrested in Malaga. Martin Power, 47, was taken into custody by Spanish police in Malaga. He was originally thought to be hiding in northern Cyprus. He had been placed on a recent ‘most wanted’ list by agencies including the Serious Organised Crime Agency (SOCA) and Crimestoppers. Power was sought by police on a European Arrest Warrant over his alleged involvement in a conspiracy to defraud mortgage lenders. He is the fourth wanted person arrested after ‘Operation

Zygos’ named nine suspected residents of northern Cyprus who were wanted by British police. The nine ‘most wanted’ included a suspected drugs baron, a serial rapist and a hit-and-run killer. The Cypriot operation follows a highly successful 2006 initiative, known as Operation Captura, to target suspected criminals pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden hiding in the Costa del and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office Sol. on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re A similar exercise has waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page been launched in story. Amsterdam.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS!

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DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines? What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap-

Friday Cloudy High 22° Low 11° Chance of rain 14% Monday Cloudy High 25 Low 14° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Cloudy High 26° Low 16° Chance of rain 0%

Saturday Sunny High 21° Low 11° Chance of rain 0% Wednesday Cloudy High 26° Low 19° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Sunny High 23° Low 13° Chance of rain 0% Thursday Sunny High 29° Low 19° Chance of rain 0%

Friday, May 3, 2013

NEW BANKNOTES DO FORGERS NO FIVERS!

A NEW five-euro banknote came into circulation yesterday (Thursday) in the war against counterfeit currency. Ιt’s the first of a series of updates to Eurozone notes and introduces stronger security measures against forgers. A similar exercise is being undertaken in the UK, where a new £5 note is being issued with an image of World War two leader Winston Churchill on the new note. Counterfeiting has

always been a problem, but with much greater security, it is hoped the level of fake notes can be reduced: -Watermark with portrait of Europa -Hologram with portrait of Europa -Raised lines on both left and right edges -Emerald colour number 5, which changes colour to deep blue when the note is tilted Old five-euro notes will remain legal tender for some time to come and the two

notes will be in circulation together. Although the old banknotes will be gradually withdrawn they will retain their monetary value indefinitely and once out of circulation anyone holding the notes will be able to exchange them at national central banks. Other denomination banknotes will be introduced gradually over a number of years, replacing the older notes and incorporating the new security features mentioned above.

WHAT FONTANA 1 RESIDENTS SAY ABOUT THEIR €6,000 IBERDROLA ‘FINE’

From page 1

It seems to me that the mistake originated with Iberdrola when they themselves installed and labelled the meters. They obviously have not realised this mistake, ergo it has gone on unrectified until now. If they were aware of this, I can't imagine this would have been left for so long. Since it's them, who are supposedly clued up with it, who have got the labelling wrong all that time, they should be more understanding about Fontana being in the dark about it. It seems very harsh of them to just cut off the supply to Bloque 4 with no warning, dialogue nor explanation, demanding the steepest compensation for a mistake that they themselves allowed to go on for so long. The amount they are asking for is excessive and they know it. It reflects bad customer relations, greed and bullying tactics just because they can. Certainly, this incident is an illustration of how they do not value their customers - even good paying ones! It is also an eye opener for present customers to be aware of how they will take advantage of mistakes that even they themselves have caused; and indeed a good reason to explore other energy providers who

have better customer relations. ELIZABETH WOODS, Blq.2

Cutting power, without first consulting the users, is not only bad practice, but also denies those users access to a basic public service. In many cases, disputes arising over the supply of utility services can be resolved through negotiation and common sense. This has clearly not been the case in this situation. In many countries it is forbidden by law to disconnect utility services. "There is also an underlying suspicion that Iberdrola may have taken this approach to boost income by imposing a reconnection fee rather than entering into constructive dialogue to resolve the problem. There has been little, or no, information about how this reconnection fee has been calculated or why it has been imposed. VAL ALLISON. Blq 4. How dare they help themselves to our community fund! Spain has just seen a drop in its population figures caused by foreigners fleeing the country. Incidences like this where honest, hard-working communities are "robbed" by bullying Spanish institutions will only make the situation worse.

PUNEET BHANDAL, Blq.1.

As a long-standing Scottish Power customer in the UK, which is owned by Iberdrola, I don’t think Iberdrola are doing their reputation any good. It would be quite easy to change our power supplier in the UK if Iberdrola insist on not correcting their problem in Spain. PAULA & JOHN WOOD, Blq.4

community and there must be laws to protect us from their unfair fine and actions. Als, we have been very good customers for many years . ANDREW EDWORTHY & MARIE EDWORTHY, Blq.2

We find Iberdrola actions after all these years inexplicable. We are in the European

Should anyone deal with an energy company that provides electricity to a site for 10 years and has no idea what its meters are measuring? Safety not exactly their main concern I would suggest. JOHN MCGILLIVRAY Blq.3

Spain’s first openly lesbian politician has asked gay members of government to come out of the closet. A member of Spain’s Socialist Party, Álvarez has been ‘out’ for years, but for the first time this week asked other gay politicians to stop hiding their sexuality. Speaking at an event in honour of the Day of Lesbian Visibility, she told a crowd and

news media: ‘It’s time to break the silence. It’s time to live our lives out in the open and grant ourselves the right to happiness. Only with equality and visibility can we effect change.’ She is known for her vocal support of women’s rights, and was founding member of the National Network Against Gender Violence, coordinator of the Foundation to Prevent Violence Against Women and a member of the National Observatory of Violence Against Women.

GAY POLITICIANS ENCOURAGED TO COME OUT

Friday, May 3, 2013

CHOP OF HORROR

Scroungers sever hands too well in failed insurance scam TWO Spanish scroungers who chopped off their own hands and tried to claim the insurance payout have been exposed as cheats because they performed the amputations so well. The unnamed men, whose cases are not linked, both thought they could pocket up to £2million if they could hoodwink insurers into believing unforeseen accidents had caused their injuries. They are among a wave of penniless desperados in recession-ravaged Spain who are increasingly turning to more extreme measures to make ends meet. Authorities said the first claimant removed his hand

with an electric saw but told insurers it had been ripped off in a car accident. He then made claims to 11 insurance companies demanding £2million in compensation. But when medics examined his wound, it became clear that the cut was 'too clean' to have been torn in two. José Luís Nieto, president of Gesterec, which investigates accidents, said: 'The cut was too clean between the bone for a car crash, which is never so clean. 'This man might have got someone to use a saw to cut off his hand. A surgeon would never have done it.'

The second man chopped off his arm above the elbow and claimed €600,000 from insurers, saying that he had suffered an accident with an electric saw. Both cases come amid a steep rise in the number of false insurance claims that have been revealed since Spain plunged into recession in 2008. The Investigation Cooperative of Insurance Companies (ICEA) said that there had been a 50 per cent increase in the past five years. 'There is no doubt that there has been a rise in false cases because people do not have any money in the crisis,' Mr Nieto said.

Marca TV gets the boot

Spanish sports channel Marca TV is reportedly closing down on 1 July because it has become unprofitable. The original intention was to rent it to a major American company, but a recent ruling of the Spanish supreme tribunal has made this solution impossible. Now, the most probable future for the Marca TV signal will be a home shopping channel, probably owned by QVC. The contract between Unidad Editorial

and the channel ends on 30 June and it is unlikely that it will be renewed. Last year Marca TV was on the verge of closing due to lack of finances and was possibly going to be sold to Real Madrid TV, but Unidad Editorial finally decided to bet on the sports channel for one more year. This seems unlikely to happen now, however, as Marca TV has already sold the major Spanish broadcasting rights.

AT LEAST 7,000 people packed into the council offices in Almussafes (Valencia) Tuesday because they thought the Swedish furniture giant IKEA was offering jobs there. In fact, the town hall was merely carrying out a training workshop for its unemployed residents to enable them to apply for work at IKEA in the future when it finally opened in neighbouring Alfafar. But the council's advert was misread by hopeful jobseekers,who thought it was a recruitment day after seeing notices on Facebook urging people to turn up there with a copy of their CV. As well as queues reaching down the streets, over 7,000 people telephoned the town hall, jamming up the line – which is shared with the Local Police – all day on Monday. This is in fact the second of 13 training day workshops for unemployed people in

Almussafes planned for this year, and are not in any way linked to concrete job offers. And IKEA, which said it had known nothing about the training course or the fact that the wording of its advertising was misleading, stresses that all recruitment for the new store will be via its own website. Company bosses have condemned Almussafes council's 'irresponsible behaviour' in placing an advert for a routine training day on a worldwide social network, using 'the logo of a private company' who 'knew nothing about it', and 'telling people how they could get jobs in Alfafar in 2014', and then only stating in very small letters at the bottom of the poster where the workshop was due to be held. The Scandinavian flat-pack company will open in Alfafar in 2014, the first in the Comunidad Valenciana – at present Spain only has one branch Madrid and another in Murcia.

Friday, May 3, 2013

editor@thecourier.es

COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

WASTE PLAN SPELLS CHAOS I AM very concerned about an article in this week’s Costa Blanca News in which the Councillor for the Coast Martina Scheurer states that from now on garden waste will not be collected from the streets in Orihuela Costa on a weekly rota basis as in the past but that if you want garden waste collecting you will need to either email or telephone the town hall to arrange this service. There is no doubt this will lead to total chaos

because many people living or more importantly here on holiday will not know the correct procedure for collection. Ultimately there will be rubbish deposited all over Orihuela Costa with no chance of it being collected. I know many people living here will share my concerns and I urge the Councillor for the Coast to rethink this ill conceived plan. GRAHAM ROBINSON, Orihuela Costa.

€980 in the Pink! WELL, what a wet morning and DID it rain? Oh yes! Just as I remember in England when I used to arrange events, always worrying if rain would ruin the day. But no, not here in Spain, surely! The MABS Walk for Life is one event I could not cancel as, being English, we do turn up to walk, no matter what. The rain did actually stop for half an hour. Thank goodness we and our husbands were there sitting under a large 'sun' umbrella. Having forgotten the base, we stood it up and piled rocks around the pole. Amazingly, 25 people turned up to walk and support us, and we cannot thank you all enough for turning up

Trafico’s licence to confusion... in that wet weather all dressed up and looking great in Pink. Lynne won the bottle of Champagne for the Best Dressed in Pink. We have raised a staggering amount of €980, which includes donations too and there’s even more promised, possibly another €80. This is a marvellous result under the circumstances. Thank you also to Loreto, our Councillor who arranged for the Police to be present. They could not believe we went ahead with the Walk.

Loreto was well dressed in three layers of clothes and sheltering under a large umbrella. Thank you to all our walkers and everyone who turned up to take photos and help us raise so much money. Also to those who advertised this event- and to SpanishInk who printed the posters, leaflets etc. for us. We are so grateful. JAN WRIGHT AND ANGELA KNAPMAN. Co-ordinations. MABS Cancer Support Group Gran Alacant

THERE has been a lot of press, most of it conflicting and confusing, about whether it is necessary to change to a Spanish driving licence. My wife and I decided that we would take the 'easiest' option and change over. So, off we went for a medical (what a farce that is!!) and then we went to Trafico in Alicante with our interpreter. You would think that as they want everyone to be 'legal' they would put themselves out a little bit to make it easier for expats to comply with their rules, but that is another story. A friendly lady dealt with my wife’s paperwork and advised that it was not necessary for her to have taken the medical as there were over 2 years left on her UK licence. After completing my wife’s application, the lady went off on

her tea break and a gentleman took her place to deal with me. After a lot of pontificating, arranging and re-arranging his papers and pens, etc, he was finally ready to start work. Now I also have more than 2 years left on my UK licence but I was NOT advised that I did not need to take the medical. In addition our interpreter had to dash off and get another document copied for my application to be completed. We had both taken exactly the same documents and copies but my wife’s application did not need this additional paperwork. It is hardly surprising that there is so much confusion over here as even the Trafico employees cannot agree on what is needed and when!! BARRY WESTON, Los Dolses

Ryanair: Consistently inconsistent I FEEL must respond to the numerous comments from individuals regarding Ryanair. Firstly, what gives Stephen Levi the right to call Donna an idiot, a dimwit just because he disagrees with her comments regarding Ryanair? I find this most offensive. Silly me, that's what O'Leary calls people that use Ryanair. Rules are Rules, but be aware - be consistent when applying them. From experience I challenged the staff at Luton for stopping a lady with her granddaughter because they were carrying tiny bags with a sandwich and drink for the journey. The lady demanded they put the tiny bags into their hand luggage, then made them put the hand luggage in that gadget that checks the size of the hand luggage. While this was going on, her colleagues allowed two mature ladies through the gate, both with hand luggage and, guess what handbags, not even checked or spoken to. Outrageous. When I challenged the person in question, the answer was ‘I can`t check everyone, don`t have a go at me.’ Great customer service. On a recent flight back to the UK I read an article in the Ryanair magazine. The head of customer relations had sent every customer-

boarding, so, sorry, it was not a freebie. Trevor Hampshire needs to understand it may be in the Terms and Conditions, but that doesn't make it right. Women have been carrying handbags since well before Ryanair started flying; common sense and being consistent do not exist in the Ryanair company. Are you aware of the Ryanair insurance scam? From a contact at Ryanair insurance department… delay responding to claims and hopefully they go away. People get frustrated and end up not bothering to claim. Ryanair - the worst airline in the world, but affordable air travel. KEITH SMITH, Pilar de la Horadada facing staff member on a customer relationship course, the idea being to improve the relationship between customers and Ryanair staff. Improvements had been achieved by the improvement in the customer survey score, fantastic. Did O'Leary attend? I will not say what I think of Stephen Levi; he has an opinion which he is entitled to, so is everyone else. We must speak as we find, the fact that C Taylor has never had any problems is hard to believe . For their information, when you book a seat you automatically get priority

HASN'T Donna Gee heard the old saying ‘Stop digging yourself into a hole'? She states that she knows Ryanair’s rules 'as well as anybody', so in that case, why is she still moaning about being caught out for not keeping to them? It doesn't matter whether they are sensible or not. Those are the rules and if you keep to them, then, no problems. Simple! If I remember rightly it was in fact the airports that first introduced the ‘one piece of luggage’ rule, supposedly as a deterrent to terrorism. NOT Ryanair. She is also wrong for saying that it is a

EDITOR’S NOTE: Letters and emails will only be considered for publication in The Courier if an address and contact number are provided (not for publication)

sexist thing. Men wearing T-shirts and tracksuit bottoms or shorts, for example, face the same problem as women; lack of places to keep their bits 'n' bobs. Why can't she, like most sensible people, wear clothes with enough pockets to carry the IMPORTANT things that will be needed on the flight? Then she will not have these problems. I believe that today’s problems with hand luggage have been brought about, in the main, by the ridiculous charges a lot of airlines are now making for hold luggage. How is it that several airlines all using the same model of plane can have such differing weight levels for hold and hand luggage? This has simply had the effect of encouraging travellers to fly without hold luggage, where possible, and cramming more and more into their hand luggage, which the airlines then struggle to fit into the plane. I was joining a flight from Ibiza a few days ago and there were two staff members standing by an open hold in the plane. They were taking people’s full-size hand luggage off them, stowing it in the hold and, when the plane landed, taking it out again so that the passengers could reclaim it on their way to the terminal. Yes Donna, a lot of the rules are stupid and designed to make money, BUT they are there. You know they are there so please stick to them and quit complaining. Then you can travel (reasonably) happily. BARRY WESTON, Los Dolses

Friday, May 3, 2013

May Day, mad day: the weighting game TOTAL LOSS, 13 WEEKS

11.7 kilos (1 stone 11 lbs 12..7 oz) January 10th - 93.2 kilos May 2nd - 81.5 kilos Target weight - 77.2 kilos

I began my diet on January 10 aiming to lose 16 kilos (35lbs) and raise £500 for Children with Crohn’s Disease.

ANYONE else would have been miles away enjoying themselves - but I made a wasted journey. The locked doors of the Beauty and Wellness Centre at Pueblo Bravo told me my Wednesday weigh-in was a non-starter. It was a Red Day. I’d taken a tentative reading from my own bathroom scales and estimated I’d lost 700 grams in the week – or just over 1.5 pounds. That reading won’t be far out, I reasoned. My home weigh-ins usually tally pretty accurately with the official Wednesday ones. Twenty four hours later I was back at the

Beauty and Wellness Centre. I had to know – even if I was a day overdue. And I’m glad I went…because salon owner Lyndsey checked me in at 81.5 kilos. A loss of 1.4 kilos or just over three pounds. That’s DOUBLE what I’d been a day earlier… and it’s not the first time it’s happened. I stick to my self-planned, minimum carbohydrate diet pretty meticulously. I also break the general rules pretty meticulously. I am forever jumping on the scales…sometimes a dozen times in a day. I drink far too little water. I get very little exercise. But I’ve lost nearly two stone since January 10. And, more impor-

tantly, I’m now just 4.3 kilos from my target of losing 16 kilos by the end of June. I’ve also been motivated strongly by my granddaughter Daisy’s illness. She’s over the worst but her Crohn’s symptoms could return and I want to do everything I can to help the battle to find a cure. I was flattered when Lyndsey told me at yesterday’s weigh-in: “You’re doing great. Nobody else would have stuck at it as long as you have.’’ That’s because nobody else has an army of readers to motivate her. I CAN’T fail – they’d never forgive me if a chickened out.

SPARE RIBS, PLEASE I SUPPOSE it was fated to happen after all the bashings I’ve given to the airline the world hates to love. Not satisfied with fleecing me of 50 euros on the outward trip, Ryanair kicked me in the ribs on my return flight to Alicante from Manchester. Well, I’ve got to blame someone - and they’re used to it! I’ve been doubled up in pain for the last 10 days, with the prospect of two more weeks explaining why I’m crawling about like a 90year-old crab. After my heinous crime on the flight to the UK (and the €50 fine levied by a human Rottweiler at the boarding desk who would have preferred the death sentence), I arrived at the departure gate in Manchester prepared for a handbag war. I’d replaced the criminally large one I took to England with a mini-handbag which fitted easily into my hand luggage and took my place in the Ryanair ‘Priority’ queue ready for the flak to fly as it did in Alicante.

HELL, IT’S CATCHING: I’m sure that plane’s got a cracked rib like me

No such luck - Jonny Rottweiler and the Air Pirates were nowhere in sight, just a couple of polite pussy cats. Here was the reality of ageism. The young Spanish jobsworths at Alicante had both been in their twenties. The British-Asian women who checked me through the boarding gate at Manchester were double their age – and consequently graduates in tact and diplomacy. Before joining the queue, I had plonked my 10 kilos of cabin luggage into the Ryanair size rack and, surprise surprise, it just about fitted. But then, of course I

couldn’t get it out. I pulled and pulled and eventually a male passenger did the job for me. I half expected Rott-man to appear with a set of scales and weigh my bag in at 10.1 kilos. Which I presume would also incur a €50 fine. Come to think of it, why do Ryanair not check the weight of hand luggage carried by passengers with online boarding cards? (I shouldn’t have mentioned that. They might get ideas). Anyway, on to the meat of this article - how Ryanair condemned me to suffer. Despite the relaxed atmos-

stand me. She turned to her pal and spouted something in fluent Jamie Carragher. There we are, I knew she was foreign. As passengers without reserved seats (which was virtually everyone) funnelled through the plane, the male steward asked the Liverpool lasses if they had reserved the seats they were in. ‘’No’’ . ‘’You can’t sit here then,’’ he told them, to my intense pleasure. “Anywhere after phere at Manchester airport, Row 6, please.’’ Reluctantly, the Liver Birds I was happy enough to get past the boarding gate. A headed for the rear of the particularly helpful gentle- plane, to be replaced by two man (yes, they do still exist) suited young Spaniards who helped me get my 10 kilos’ DID have reservations. worth aboard and I settled Great, I thought – convinced into my reserved front-row I’d get in a bit of Spanish window seat (at €10 extra, a practice during the ensuing two and a bit hours. snip for creaking oldies). No chance. Los chicos Two po-faced women were already filling the two babbled away so rapido that I adjacent seats. I smiled at barely understood a palabra the fatty wedged next to me – and I quickly realised they and made a light-hearted had nothing in common with comment designed to break a grumpy old geriatric. Because of back probthe ice. She froze me out with one cold look. No problems, I have difficulty bendlem, I thought, she’s proba- ing down. So when, soon bly foreign and didn’t under- after take-off, I dropped the

Ryanair flight magazine, the sensible thing would have been to ask one of the Spanish guys if he could help. But this was ‘Grabber Granny’ hour, so down I stretched to rescue the fallen literary classic. After two or three failed attempts, I sat up again and thought ‘I’m making a fool of myself. I’ve got to get it next time.’ I lurched forward and felt a big crack in my lower ribs, accompanied by a fierce pulled-muscle type pain. Since then, I have thought of little but Ryanair. When I’m not yelling for relief, that is. I think of them when I wake up in the morning, when I sit down or stand up, when I get in and out of my car, in fact I never stop thinking about the floor of that plane.’ They had no right to put it there. I’m in pain just about every second of the day. And I’m told the only cure for rib damage is rest and patience. Michael O’Leary, you’re a cruel man.I have only word to say to you and your airline. OUCH!

Friday, May 3, 2013

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a revolutionary period in Dutch banking history and the Dutch-Russian trade relations. However, the association did not end there, as almost a century later, a visit to Russia made by Dutch Prime Minister, Mark Rutte, in October 2011 rekindled and strengthened the bond between the two nations, particularly in the fields of economics and business. The visit also paved the way for the revival of the Russko-Gollandski Bank in November 2011, as

Russko-Gollandski Equity SL, now based in Santa Pola. The company has evolved into a professional intermediary firm, which is backed by a complex network of international investors, banks and business consultancy firms. Like its parent company, RGE works to boost economic activity and encourage the development of national wealth. The primary focus of RGE is in solving the dilemma which many business people currently face: how to generate income to build and sustain their future. If a client is in need of finance and turned down by his bank, RGE will assist by developing an alternative and creative strategy, for example: (1) an initial consultation to discover hidden assets; (2) development of a business, marketing, sales and financial plan; (3) setting up a fund in order for investors to participate more easily; (4) selling of shares in the fund through multi level marketing. RGE recognizes that each business person is unique, so that assistance is tailored to their individual needs. For further details please consult the website www.rge.com.ru.

Friday, May 3, 2013

HENPECKED HUBBY

'IS it my turn to do the washing-up?' I asked Mrs S the other teatime. 'Not sure,' she replied. 'Why not consult the rooster.' Rooster? I thought. We've had a couple of dogs over the years but never a pet chicken. Then I thought about it some more. 'Surely you meant ROSTER not ROOSTER.' 'What?' snapped Mrs S. 'You're being obtuse. Of course I meant roster. The list that is fastened to the fridge. Why would I refer you to a talking chicken?' I turned back to the kitchen sink and without referring to anything, either dangling in the kitchen or perhaps clucking in the back garden, started to wash the dishes. Mrs S's brain patterns were a puzzle to me. I could never figure out how her mind worked. When we first met I'd

plucked up the courage to ask: 'Would you like to go to the pictures sometime?' 'I'd love to,' she replied. 'But who with?' After our cinema visit, I asked her: 'Shall we do this again next week?' She looked puzzled. 'What? To see the same film? Why on earth would we do that?' So we got married instead and I've lived befuddledly ever after. Anyway, I'd just finished the washing-up the other night when Mrs S announced: 'Phyllis is coming round.' Phyllis is Mrs S's best friend. Her husband is Spike who year after year retains his unauthorised title as The Most Boring Man in the World. That appellation is one that has fallen to me to bestow because it has yet to be confirmed by the Guinness Book of Records. Every time the organisation

sends out representatives to assess Spike they fall asleep in his presence. The doorbell rang and I let Phyllis in. 'Why don't you pop round to our house and keep Spike company,' she suggested. 'The only activity he's planned for this evening, after listening to the shipping forecast of course, is to paste his latest photos of multistorey car parks into his scrapbook.' Because I'm basically a nice person, and also because I was stony-broke and thus couldn't afford even a half-pint of Dave the barman's watered-down ale, I called at Chez Spike's. 'Hello, my good friend,' the unofficial world's most monotonous man greeted me. 'I almost didn't hear you knocking on my front door. Would you like to join me in an Eccles cake and a mug of Horlicks?' I surreptitiously removed

the piece of cotton wool I'd wrapped around his frontdoor knocker and followed Spike in. 'We've got plenty of time together,' commented my tedious companion as I probed my gum line with my tongue in the morbid hope that I might discover a cyanide pill concealed conveniently inside my lip. The deadly pellet would not be for me. I intended to slip it into Spike's Horlicks. My heart dropped as Spike sat me down and announced: 'I discovered a very interesting fact the other day.' No, I begged silently, please don't do this to me. I considered swallowing my Eccles cake in one piece while deliberately spilling hot Horlicks onto my lap in the forlorn expectation that the arrival of the ambulance crew would distract Spike from talking any longer.

But then I decided to see it through. I suppose anything was better than Mrs S going on about her washing-up rosters. 'Continue, Spike,' I mumbled. 'Well, David,' he said, 'Did you know that in China, the Yangbi Huang breed of rooster can grow up to 35cms long, making it the largest chicken in Asia?' At which point I fled Spike's house and hid behind a boring bush in his boring garden in case he came after me. But I must have fallen asleep for when I got home Mrs S was nervously pacing downstairs. 'I've been frantic with worry!' she shrieked. 'You've been gone all night.' I looked out of the window and saw that it was indeed nearly dawn.

I tried to apologise in a sensible manner but all that I could think of to say was 'Cock-a-doodle-doo!'

Friday, May 3, 2013

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH LESSON 69 ¡Hola! Welcome back to another week with me, how are you getting on with your Spanish? I hope you are managing still to keep up with the lessons and I´m not going too fast for any of you. As ever your feedback is always welcome along with anything you would like covered that I haven´t done so far or anything you would like revision on. As you are aware I do revision lessons from time to time, and welcome any ideas or suggestions. This week we are going to learn another important verb. It is a regular verb so this will be a bit of revision on regular verbs for you. I thought it is a good one to pick out to go over and remind ourselves of, or learn for the first time. Plus I thought it´s time to give your brains a bit of a rest, we´ve been working very hard over the past month so let´s relax, go back in time and learn a very important but very regular verb. The verb we are going to learn is CREER which in English means to believe. In English we rarely say Í believe´ unless we are talking about believing in something or someone. If we want to say someone is correct or wrong we tend to say Í think you´re right´ or Í think you´re wrong´ I don´t know about you but I never say Í believe you´re right´ however in Spanish the verb pensar which means to think is never used in this situation, it is always the verb creer which is used, and when it is used in the subjunctive the word que is added after the conjugation. So, here is the conjugation of the verb CREER:

Yo creo en las hadas - I believe in fairies Yo CREO Tu CREES El / Ella CREE Nosotros/as CREEMOS Vosotros/as CREÉIS Ellos/as CREEN As you have seen the verb follows the regular conjugation, so when do we used it? Well, it is used when we would say to believe in something or someone, for example – I believe in fairies would be creo en las hadas, I don´t believe in luck – no creo en la suerte. But it is also used when in English we would say to think something: I don´t think so – either: no creo OR creo que no, I think that he wants to go – creo que él quiere

ir, I think I´ll do it – creo que lo haré The only time we use pensar is when we are physically thinking about something or someone, and pensar is a stem changing verb (e-ie but remember not in nosotros or vosotros forms) so I think of you is pienso en ti, I am thinking – estoy pensando, we think about our friends – pensamos en nuestros amigos. So, if we want to say we think something or someone we use creer if we want to say we are physically thinking about something or someone we use pensar. To refresh your memory on stem changing verbs here is the present tense conjugation of pensar: yo pienso, tú piensas, él/ella piensa, nosotros pensamos, vosotros pensáis, ellos/ellas piensan. Here are some translations for you to see if you can differentiate between when the two verbs are used. There are various tenses here just to check you´ve not forgotten anything and to show you where you may need to revise a little: I think you´re wrong, I think about my family a lot, you think about life, I think that I´m going to go, have you thought about the expenses (los gastos)?, he thinks that he will write a book, yes, I think so, I think she´s very clever, I won´t believe it without seeing the proof (la prueba). I hope you manage to get the correct verb and you will be able to check next week. We will also be having another revision session next week; always test your knowledge whenever you can, take the time and make the effort to practise whenever you can as ever and enjoy the language, Spanish is worth the effort... Español – ¡vale la pena! See you next week.

Friday, May 3, 2013

FERGUS FINDS DOGGY LOVE ON THE DARK SIDE

SINCE we have been in Espana, we have started our charity, with the emphasis on helping the elderly and ill dogs. Fergus was the first we opened our doors to and this week his condition has worsened considerably. I cannot explain to you, even if I had a million words to write, how heartbreaking it is to see this dog suffer the way he is. I feel now it would be fair to let this dog rest peacefully in the Heavens, after Earth has shown its ugly side once again to a poor innocent animal. Fergus came to us from Cordoba killing station and it was very soon apparent that he was totally blind. He is a Spanish Water Dog mix and his hair was so long and matted when he was found and covered in ticks and fleas. The hair was stuck to one of his eyes and he had completely lost his spirit. My dogs loved him straight away when he first arrived and the concern they are showing for him now is humbling to see. They crowd around him as though they are relatives paying their respect to a family member who is about to pass away. Dogs know. They know everything. And that intelligence should be respected throughout the world by all of human kind, but unfortunately many members of the human race still see themselves as the superior species. How wrong can they be? The most intelligent species has a wet nose, two big brown eyes and two big fluffy ears and they are called dogs - fact! As well as being blind, Fergus had a bad ear infection, his skin was in a very poor condition and his immune system was shot to pieces. He has had so much medication in the past three weeks and it has made very little difference. To

Fergus - loved and wanted watch him walking you can sense his complete shock at being totally blind, as he has only in the last few days, lost his sight completely in the one good remaining eye he had. He panics, as he tries to make his way in the now dark world in front of him. And to have to suffer all of this after roughly six years of what must have been total abuse and neglect by whoever was lucky enough to own this beautiful

dog from a puppy. This world we live in can be so cruel, especially when it comes to animals. They deserve so much more, but for many of them all they witness from birth is the dark side of human beings and as the years go by, the darker the nature becomes of some humans, in my opinion. Fergus has been with us now for three weeks and many would say that the money spent on him at the vet’s should have gone towards giving a more healthy dog a chance of life. I could not disagree more. He came to us with his spirit lost, but in that three weeks I was there when I first saw his little tail wag when he met my dogs. I was also there one day in the garden, when I noticed for the first time this little man showing trust maybe for the first time in his life, as he followed me around the garden and finally I was there again when I noticed his little tail wag when he knew he could trust me and he knew I was approaching him. So for all those who say that money was wasted, I say no. Because if tomorrow is to be the final day of this little man’s life, at least right at the end, he realised what it felt like to be loved with a passion and he also knew what it felt like to be wanted. And if a miracle happens tomorrow and Fergus recovers, he will continue to be flooded with love and care. If that miracle does not happen, he will still receive that love and care on the other side of the rainbow. For anyone who would like to donate to our charity, every penny goes towards helping the needy dogs. You can donate via my Paypal account at peter@thedogyouneed.com or my Nat West charity bank account. The details are sort code: 6016-03 and account number - 73754900. Money is desperately needed and even one euro will help towards the next dog waiting to join us.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? Freddie was found sat in the road in the rain, luckily he was rescued but it would be great to find him his forever home. He is a fox terrier cross, approximately a year and a half old, castrated with all his vaccinations up to date. 610188349.

Tayta is a lovely young ginger female cat. She is very affectionate and is looking for her first loving home. To arrange to meet Tayta or any other APAH dog or cat, please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563

Cid Born Sept 2011 and is a large GSD/Labrador X. He is a lovely intelligent dog who just wants to play and to please, he would make a super pet for a couple that loves going for long walks. For more info please call P.E.P.A. 650 304 746.

Pedro is a German Shepherd Cross, he is medium build and is about 18th months old. He has a lovely nature and walks well on the lead. He has been castrated and is looking for a permanent home, where he can be part of the family Please call 616655789

Freddie Blanca is about 9 years old and she was rescued after a long time being out in the cold, she has anaemia and needs a daily tablet. Can you help this beautiful girl? Please call 650 304 746.

Tayta

Cid

Pedro

Blanca 4 kittens were brought in to the vets by their owner who didn’t get her cat sterilised and wanted rid of them. They are now around 7 weeks old and need new homes. Call: 966 725 975

Lucy was found extremely emaciated and heavily laden with puppy milk. She is approx 15 months and after searching for 2 days no puppies were found. She is very loving and friendly and will make someone a lovely companion. Call: 645 469 253 Lucy

Simba is a handsome part Siamese neutered male with lovely blue eyes. To meet Simba please contact Joe on 966719272 or speak with Rose in the shop.

Simba

Friday, May 3, 2013

LÍNEA DIRECTA REPORTS ON NEW LEGISLATION FOR PAYING FINES On March 4th this year, new legislation governing the payment of fines for traffic offences was introduced in Spain. According to the new law, drafted and passed by the Spanish DirectorateGeneral of Traffic (Dirección General de Tráfico) and the Ministry of the Interior, the payment of traffic fines in cash will no longer be accepted, and only payment by debit or credit card will be allowed. The authorities have cited security and economic efficiency as the reasons behind their decision due to the fact that once this new measure has been introduced, the risks and expenses involved with transporting money, will no longer exist. According to the DGT, the measure will only apply to the payment of fines. All the other administrative operations carried out at Provincial Traffic Headquarters, such as processing or renewing a driving licence, can still be paid for in cash. In order to make the payment, drivers must access the DGT webpage, www.dgt.es, or call the number 060. Although Provincial Headquarters will no longer accept payments in cash, drivers can still pay their fines in cash at any post office or Banco Santander branch. In this case, drivers will still be required to provide and attach the fine reference number.

For further information: 902 123 104

Friday, May 3, 2013

WHERE CHEAPER IS BEST ALMOST every time I go shopping for groceries here in Spain I have to go to at least two supermarkets to get everything I need. I now know where to buy my son’s juice and which has the cheapest quality coffee. I believe shopping in the UK is much easier, the supermarkets are bigger and each supermarket contains everything you need. However, reading an article online reminded me of another point of shopping: price. In these days of recession we all have to watch the pennies and the so called budget supermarkets are being used more and more both here and in the UK. Is this a bad thing or can it be the lead to a not only more frugal but actually better quality life? I have to admit that I was a bit of a shop snob when I lived in Kent. I can say hand on heart that I never once entered an Aldi and only went into a Lidl a handful of times as it was the closest place to Streatham police station, where I was working at the time, to get a quick can or sandwich. I have to admit to not even knowing that you had to pay for the carrier bags in there and being a bit annoyed about it! When I moved to Spain the nearest place to do my weekly shop happened to be an Aldi store and I ended up going there every week for anything needed. There was also an Intermarche which has now disappeared and been replaced by a Lidl, and those were the two places I bought the majority of my food. I now divide my shop between Aldi and Mercadona, I know exactly what to buy in each and I occasionally go into Lidl if I want something that Aldi doesn´t have and I don´t have time to drive into town. It now appears that my first store of choice when I came here keeps coming tops in studies of quality of products, and

not just food and drink. Off the top of my head Aldi beat all other rivals with its washing-up liquid and face cream, and I was reading recently that its gin is now the best of the best. So where does that leave everyone who pays more? I have had to become a savvy shopper; I now know my coffee is cheaper in one shop than the other that stocks it, Aldi is cheap for pretty much everything that I choose to buy there and the only things I tend to buy in Mercadona are the things I cannot get in Aldi. I have been in Spain eight years now and in that time many ideas I had when I was living in the UK have been swept away by my experiences. I didn´t always have a good job and enough money when I was in the UK, but even when I had very little I still never went into an Aldi. There is that definite snobbish attitude towards budget brands and budget supermarkets; however the crisis seems to have changed those significantly. People are realising that all supermarkets stock

quality items and it´s a case of seeing which item is best from which shop. I´m not sure the attitude is the same amongst the Spanish with regards to various shops, there always seems to be a lot of people in the lower end supermarkets, but in Almoradí at least, Mercadona can still be absolutely packed in a way Aldi or Lidl isn´t, maybe because Mercadona is a smaller size or maybe because the Spanish and foreigners here still prefer to shop in a higher end chain. That said, Mercadona also has its own brand range and some of the items are better quality than the name brands, especially their cleaning products. My friend Racheal, a professional cleaner, never buys her cleaning materials from anywhere else and she has led me to buy some fantastic cleaners. So, it really is a case of a savvy shopper is one who tries various cheaper products and finds those that meet their needs. Read reports, keep on top of which shop is doing the best, this is easier for us Brits with the international chains such as Aldi. But then we can also talk to our friends with regards to the Spanish chains, ask what people you know use or eat and try something new. We all have to watch the pennies and there really has never been any stigma associated to any shop its only what we tell ourselves. We should never decide something is bad without even trying it. Even our mums would say try it before you say you don´t like it, so why don´t we do the same with everything; not just food but shops, items, places, every time we can experience something new we should embrace it, and if we stick to the own brand or cheaper items we´re not going to lose a fortune. And remember gin lovers, apparently Aldi is the place to be!

Friday, May 3, 2013

THE recent record Spanish unemployment figures are terrible and the top line of over 27% masks some frightening regional variations and the huge number of young people who cannot get work. Mariano Rajoy’s prediction over job losses has been wide of the mark, and the same can be said over the growth statistics…or should I say, lack of growth statistics.

THE FOLLY OF FALSE HOPE For more jobs, you need economic growth, which is not happening, and so the vicious circle of trouble continues. People can take to the streets in protest as much as they like, but there’ll be no change in the strategy coming out of Madrid, because that is the only game in t o w n . There’ll be s o m e good news f o r Spain,

though, in that there’ll be a more lenient attitude from Brussels over cutting debt, and at least borrowing costs have fallen for the first time since 2010. But once again, we got a parade of ministers promising no income tax rises and no IVA sales tax increases, as if we’re meant to blow them a kiss every time they appear on our TV screens repeating that pledge! The next General Election is in 2016, so guess what? The deputy PM, Soraya Saenz de Santamaria, offered a blatant election bribe, promising income tax cuts in 2015 to “boost the economy”. I take it then, that she doesn’t believe it needs a little bit of a boost right now? And then, to cap it all, we got Rajoy changing his mind

and promising a turn-around in unemployment before the end of his term in office. I’d sooner trust crossing Gypsy Rose’s palms with silver in a fairground booth, than this lot who have not learned the lesson that it’s better to say nothing, rather than shooting off a string of false hope comments that do nobody any good. I’m sure the Icelandic elections were not on your mind during last weekend’s stormy weather, but they gave out a very icy warning for all politicians trying to take tough action in fighting the recession. Do you remember five years ago when the Icelandic government was thrown out by angry voters fuming over the way the banks had collapsed? They voted in a new lot who tried

to clear up the big mess with some unpopular decisions. So, lo and behold, the electorate, unhappy with those measures, has voted back in the same clowns who botched everything up in the first place. That’s democracy for you, and a chilling reminder of what might happen elsewhere to parties who face re-election. It’s another reason for Rajoy (and for that matter David Cameron in the UK) to be a straightdealer with the public, and not just say things just to be popular, which will make him look stupid further down the road. It’s going to be a tough enough sell on the back of a recession, and the corruption scandals involving the PP, but even at this stage, Rajoy still has time on his

side, especially with the PSOE in a total shambles. Iain Duncan Smith has stirred things up by suggesting that wealthy elderly people in the UK should give back their free bus passes and winter fuel allowances, because they don’t need them. Within a day, he’d started to backtrack, probably having had a mouthful over the negative effect that would have on Tory voters in what was expected to be a bad day in yesterday’s local elections. But, I like a lot of what the Work and Pensions secretary has done over benefits in an area that successive governments have been scared to touch, including Monday’s introduction of a new Universal Credit scheme. There is certainly a need for practical realistic ideas over how to best target the state pension to those who really need it, as opposed to a wealthy person using unneeded allowances to stock up their supplies of alcohol or visits to their second home abroad. For kick starting a debate that needs to take place, Duncan Smith should be applauded and not vilified

Friday, May 3, 2013

SPANISH TAPAS SIMMERED SQUID Ingredients

1 tbsp olive oil, plus extra for drizzling 1kg prepared squid and tentacles, cleaned and cut into thick rings 2 onions, chopped 3 garlic cloves, sliced pinch of chilli flakes 1 tsp fennel seeds 3 bay leaves 1 tbsp rosemary, roughly chopped pinch of sugar 3 tbsp red wine vinegar 400g can chopped tomatoes large glass of red wine (about 200ml) TO SERVE handful chopped coriander zest ½ orange

Method

1. Heat the olive oil in a shallow saucepan or flameproof casserole and add the squid, onions and garlic. Add the dry ingredients and simmer until all the liquid has evaporated and the onions are tender, about 15 mins. Add the vinegar and chopped tomatoes, simmer for 1 min, then pour over the red wine and season. Simmer very gently on the lowest heat, stirring occasionally, for 1 hr or until the sauce is rich and the

squid is really tender. 2. Turn off the heat, leave to cool slightly, then drizzle with a little more olive oil and scatter with the coriander and orange zest.

TOMATO BREAD WITH JAMON SERRANO Ingredients 4 ripe tomatoes, chopped 1 garlic clove, finely chopped 3 tbsp olive oil salt pepper 20 slices of baguette 5-6 slices serrano ham

Method

1. Mix together the chopped tomatoes, garlic glove, olive oil, salt and pepper. Keep in the fridge until needed. 2. To serve, toast 20 slices of baguette. Spoon a little tomato topping on to each piece of toast. Tear 5-6 slices of jamón serrano into pieces and put one piece on each slice of bread.

PATATAS BRAVAS WITH CHORIZO Ingredients 1 tbsp olive oil 1 onion, chopped 2 garlic cloves, sliced 1 red chilli , chopped pinch cayenne pepper pinch smoked paprika 400g can chopped tomatoes 1kg new potatoes, halved or quartered 250g small cooking chorizo

Method

1. Heat a little oil in a pan, fry the onion, garlic and chilli until the onion softens, add the cayenne and paprika and stir. Add the tomatoes and bring to a simmer, then cook the whole mixture down for about 20 mins until you have a thick paste. Season well and, if you prefer a smooth sauce, blitz it with a hand blender. 2. Meanwhile, steam the potatoes for 10 mins and put the chorizo in a frying pan to slowly cook and release some of its oil. Tip off the excess red oil and add 1 tbsp olive oil. Add the potatoes and fry everything together, turning the heat up as you go so both the potatoes and chorizo brown in patches. Tip into a bowl. Season the sauce - if it isn't hot enough add a few more pinches of cayenne. Spoon the sauce over the potatoes and chorizo to serve.

CRISPY SQUID WITH CAPERS Ingredients 300g baby squid, cleaned 200g plain flour 2 tbsp capers, drained and

finely chopped 1 garlic clove, crushed 5 tbsp mayonnaise vegetable or sunflower oil , for frying lemon wedges, to serve

Method

1. Cut the squid into rings about ½cm thick. Tip the flour into a freezer bag and season well. Add the capers, then give everything a good shake to mix together. Tip the squid into the bag, then shake again until all the rings are well coated. Mix together the garlic and mayonnaise, then place in a serving bowl. 2. Pour some oil into a large pan until it comes about 7cm up the sides, but the pan is no more than a third full. Place over a medium heat and let the oil warm up. To test that the oil is ready, place a small piece of bread in the pan - it should sizzle when it touches the oil. 3. Remove a handful of squid from the flour and shake off any excess. Gently drop into the oil, then cook for about 3 mins until crisp. Remove with a slotted spoon and place on kitchen paper. Repeat with the remaining squid. Serve straight away with the mayonnaise and lemon wedges.

CRUNCHY BAKED MUSSELS Ingredients 1kg mussel in their shells 50g toasted breadcrumbs zest 1 lemon 100g garlic and parsley butter

Method

1. Scrub the mussels and pull off any beards. Rinse in several changes of cold water, then discard any that are open and do not close when tapped against the side of the sink. 2. Drain the mussels and put in a large pan with a splash of water. Bring to the boil, then cover the pan, shaking occasionally, until the mussels are open - this will take 2-3 mins. Drain well, then discard any that remain closed. Heat grill to high. 3. Mix the crumbs and zest. Remove one side of each shell, then spread a little butter onto each mussel. Set on a baking tray and sprinkle with crumbs. Grill for 3-4 mins until crunchy.

FLASH-FRIED PRAWNS WITH CHILLI, LEMON & PARSLEY Ingredients 2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil 300g large raw prawns, butterflied 2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced or chopped 1 tsp chilli flakes zest and juice 1 lemon 2 tbsp flat-leaf parsley , chopped

Method

1. Heat the olive oil in a large frying pan. Season the prawns and set aside. Cook the garlic over medium-low heat until it just starts to colour. Increase heat to high and add the prawns and chilli. Stir quickly and keep turning prawns in the pan.

Friday, May 3, 2013

2. After 1 min, pour in the lemon juice. Toss until prawns are opaque - about 1 min more. Sprinkle over lemon zest and parsley and serve with crusty bread.

TORTILLA TAPAS Ingredients 3 tbsp olive oil 1 large onion, thinly sliced 3 medium-size potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced 2 garlic cloves, crushed 2 large red peppers, quartered, seeded and thinly sliced 6 large eggs, lightly beaten ﾂｽ tsp dried crushed chilli flakes handful flatleaf parsley , chopped

Method

1. Preheat oven to fan 180C/ conventional 200C/gas 6. Heat 2 tbsp of olive oil in a pan. Tip in onion and potatoes and fry gently for 20 minutes until the potatoes are tender, turning frequently, adding garlic and peppers for the last 5 minutes. Tip into a large bowl, season and cool for 5 minutes. 2. Stir in the eggs, chilli flakes and parsley. Leave to sit for 5 minutes, then put a nonstick 20cm square tin in the oven to heat up. After 5 minutes, remove tin and brush with oil. pour in the egg mixture and return to oven. 3. Cook for 15-20 minutes. (Check it's ready by pressing the top lightly. If it is still runny, return to the oven for a couple of minutes.) Once cooked, remove and leave to cool for 5 minutes, then turn out on to a board. Cut into squares and serve.

SAUTﾃ右D ASPARAGUS, TOASTED ALMONDS & MANCHEGO CHEESE Ingredients 36 asparagus spears 140g unsalted butter 100g whole blanched almonds juice 1 lemon 50g best-quality Manchego cheese (or vegetarian hard cheese)

Method

1. Bring a pan of salted water to the boil and plunge in the

asparagus. Cook for 2-3 mins, drain, then leave them to sit somewhere warm. 2. Next, put the butter into a cold pan with the almonds. Carefully heat it up, watching that the butter doesn't get too dark. When it just turns golden brown and is beginning to foam, remove from the heat and pour in the lemon juice to stop the cooking. 3. Arrange the asparagus onto 6 serving plates and spoon over some of the brown butter and almonds. Shave the cheese with a peeler, scatter over and serve.

SPANISH RICE WITH PRAWNS AND CHORIZO Ingredients 1 onion, sliced 1 red pepper, cut into chunks olive oil 100g chorizo, chopped into pieces 150g paella rice pinch saffron 400ml chicken stock , hot 125g cooked prawns 1 lemon, halved small bunch parsley, chopped

SPANISH SARDINES ON TOAST Ingredients 1 tbsp olive oil 1 garlic clove, chopped 1 red chilli , deseeded and chopped 1 lemon, zest and juice 2 x 120g cans sardines in sunflower oil, drained 4 slices brown bread half small bunch parsley, chopped

Method

1. Heat the olive oil in a frying pan, then sizzle the garlic clove and red chilli. Add the lemon zest. 2. Add the sardines and heat through for a few mins until warm. 3. Toast the brown bread. Stir the parsley into the sardines, add a squeeze of lemon juice, then divide between the toast and serve.

QUICK GAZPACHO Ingredients 250g passata 1 red pepper, deseeded and chopped 1 red chilli , deseeded and chopped 1 garlic clove, crushed 1 tsp sherry vinegar juice ﾂｽ lime

Method

1. In a blender (or with a stick blender), whizz together the passata, red pepper, chilli, garlic, sherry vinegar and lime juice until smooth. Season to taste, then serve with ice cubes.

Method

1. Cook the onion and pepper in 2 tbsp olive oil in a wide, shallow pan until softened. Add the chorizo and cook for a couple of minutes until the oil is released. Stir in the rice until coated in all the oils. Stir the saffron into the stock then add to the pan and stir well. Put on a lid and cook for 15 minutes until the rice is tender and the stock absorbed. 2. Stir in the prawns until heated through completely, then squeeze over lemon and toss through the parsley.

Friday, May 3, 2013

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses. ADVICE: Peter was having problems printing.

Hi Richard, computer working fine small problem when it comes to printing?

I go to print document then up comes a sign PDF Complete document creation optional. Regardless of what I do this stops me printing. What have I done wrong? Never seen this sign before! Regards Peter.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Steve was having a runtime error in Internet Explorer

Hi Richard. I am receiving the following error on my computer, can you help? Below is the runtime error box. C:\program files\internet explorer\IEXPLORE.EXE Cheers, Steve

Hi Peter, with regards to your problem it sounds to me like you have a PDF writer as the default printer, you can check this by going into the control panel (start > control panel > view devices and printers) and checking whether there is a ‘tick’ next to the printer you want to be used, if there is not (as I suspect is the case) then just right hand click the printer in question and choose ‘set as default printer’ This should sort out the problem

ADVICE: Robert wanted to know whether he could convert his printer to a wireless printer

Q A

I have a Lexmark all in one printer, model X3650, is there an adapter to convert it to Wi-Fi and if so what is the cost.

Hi Robert, no I'm afraid as is the case with most printers, there is no manufacturer accessory to make this printer wireless. There are a few things that you could do however. If you connect the printer to a computer that is, in turn, connected to your home network via a wireless router then the printer can be "shared" from this computer and made available to other computers in the home. Also you could, alternatively, add a wireless print server to the back of your printer and "convert" it into a wireless printer, the downside here however is the cost of the wireless print server (usually over 50 euros) makes the cost of doing it almost equal to buying a new printer with the wireless functionality built in - we have wireless printers in the TechShop from just 70 euros.

Hi Steve, so that looks like Internet Explorer is crashing. Probably the best place and easiest to start would be to reset Internet Explorer, you can do this by going into Internet Explorer and then clicking on Tools, Internet Options and choosing the Advanced tab. From there you can click on the Reset button to reset Internet Explorer, restart it and see if that makes things better.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page. office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, May 3, 2013

Faulty Acting Diets People who are obese turn to a lot of weight loss programs that might focus on Faulty Acting Diets (FAD diets) for losing weight. Such FAD diets have side effects that are dangerous to your health. A FAD diet is one that focuses on a particular food and that avoids other types of foods. This helps to reduce the weight drastically in a short time. In an attempt to reduce the carbohydrate intake most of the FAD diets focus on more protein in them. You need a lot of nutrients apart from just the protein. Fiber content, vitamins, minerals and anti-oxidants are not found in these foods. If there is deficiency in the nutrition in your foods then you may suffer from a lot of other disorders in the future. It is easy to spot FAD diets and avoid them like the plague. A diet that prom-

ises a quick loss of weight in your body is the one that comes under the category of FAD diet. They offer only temporary solutions to your weight problem. It is not possible to continue that diet due to its side effects and once you stop that diet you are likely to gain weight

quickly. Learn how to identify the FAD diets. You can use it if you need a temporary and immediate solution. Keep in mind that the results of using such diets could be different for different people. Regular exercise and proper diet is the best com-

LIVING WITH CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME

DR MACHI MANNUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to machimannu@gmail.com

For sufferers of chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), a difficult aspect of the illness can be the lack of support and understanding from family, friends and the general public. In the minds of many, CFS is just a poor excuse for bone lazy individuals who cannot be bothered to get up and live. Many doctors have no clue about CFS and generally prescribe anti-depressants when they are unable to diagnose the problem. But CFS is real, and in the worst cases I have seen, victims cannot carry out any household chore for a few minutes without resting. Every step taken requires super human effort - literally. Chronic fatigue syndrome has been known since the 1800s, albeit under different names - yuppie flu, Immune dysfunction syndrome, postviral fatigue syndrome and Iceland disease. CFS drains its victims completely of energy. They may also suffer from depression, irregular sleep â&#x20AC;&#x201C; either too much or too little, stomach problems, inability to concentrate, irritability and low libido. We now know that viruses such as herpes virus and cytomegalovirus cause CFS. Natural killer cells are white blood cells that destroy viruses and cancer

cells. In CFS, these natural killer cells are fewer in number. While performing diagnostic scans on known sufferers of chronic fatigue syndrome, I usually find a weakened immune system usually caused by inflammation and degeneration of the immune system organs. A virus known as cytomegalovirus is another common finding from the scan of sufferers. This virus belongs to the same family as herpes virus and can lie dormant in the body for many years. Toxic heavy metals such as lead, mercury and cadmium are also found in high concentrations in the scanned blood and organs of CFS sufferers. In treating CFS, I usually start by correcting any sleep abnormalities. When we sleep, the body has the chance to repair itself. Sleep is very vital for the body. Not just any kind of sleep, but deep quality sleep. Some people with CFS sleep for long hours, but this sleep is described as a light superficial sleep that is not restorative. For most, sleeping pills are no good. I use essential amino acids to promote deep REM sleep and healing. Many people start to feel re-vitalized as soon as their poor sleep is corrected. Others will have to start

intensive detoxification therapy before any positive changes are noticed. Detox therapies usually last a few weeks, and during this process the organs that excrete waste products are replenished with raw materials needed for them to function properly. Large quantities of toxins such as heavy metals and foreign chemicals are also excreted from the body during this detox period. Viruses which have also been linked to CFS tend not to respond to prescribed medications. This leaves our immune system as our only reliable ally. Our immune system is not only capable of destroying deadly viruses, but also prevents unwanted hypersensitivity and inflammatory reactions. Such abnormal reactions cause chronic diseases like CFS, asthma, allergic reactions and autoimmune disorders. The most effective medication I find for boosting the immune system is the extract of reishi mushroom. If other health problems occur along with those mentioned, they have to be treated before therapy can be considered complete. FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN AND MEDICAL CONSULTATION CALL 965071745

bination to lose weight on a permanent basis. You should learn to identify the best diet for your needs and combine it with regular exercise to get long-term benefit. People who have sedentary lifestyle can follow this method to lose weight. Some of the FAD diets give you only around 800 calories per day which is not sufficient for your body. Such diets may cause irregular rhythms in your heartbeat or other serious health problems. It is always better to consult your doctor before you decide to choose a particular diet to lose weight. The moral of the story is a simple balanced diet with lots of fruits and vegetables. Also remember that regular daily exercise is also vital to lose weight. You also need a personal long-term commitment to both. If you can get yourself into a habit of exercising daily and eating wholesome food that is natural to nature, you will lose weight.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Multiple Sclerosis: Food for real thought Q A

A friend of mine has Multiple Sclerosis. Her medications don’t help her very much. What can she do on her own to improve her health? Multiple Sclerosis (MS) is an inflammatory disorder affecting the nervous system-brain, spinal cord and nerves. Our nerves are covered with a fatty substance known as ‘myelin sheath’. It is this sheath that is responsible for the transmission of signals across the nervous system, form one nerve to another. MS causes the destruction of the myelin sheath. This destruction can lead to symptoms such as; muscle weakness, urinary problems, constipation, problems with vision, tremors, fatigue and sexual dysfunction. A number of diets such as Roy Swank Diet may be helpful for slowing down the progression of MS. The Roy Swank Diet involves eating foods low in saturated fats over a very long period. Such a diet has been shown to retard the progression of MS, and also reduce the number of reoccurrences that occur. Foods rich in saturated fats are; processed meat, whipped cream, fried foods, butter and egg yolk. Roy Swank diet recommends that no red meat is eaten in the first year, and poultry, fish, shell fish eaten in any amount if low in saturated fats. Dairy is eliminated from the diet and taking daily multi-vitamins and Omega-3 fatty acids is encouraged. This diet is still controversial, but there is good medical evidence that it helps improve the quality of life in MS patients. Another diet studied over a 2 year period showed a reduction in both the reoccurrence (relapse) of MS and disability. It consisted of; increasing the consumption of foods rich in Omega-3 oils (salmon, mackerel) or taking Omega-3 supplements as well as Vitamin B complex and Vitamin C supplements. The diet study also encouraged participants to reduce their consumption of coffee, tea, alcohol, and to

refrain from smoking. Free radicals are poisons that have been implicated in many disorders of the nervous system including MS, and anti-oxidants are substances that neutralize free radicals. Selenium is a powerful antioxidant, and clinical trials have shown that MS patients supplementing on it fare better. Vitamin C and E are also powerful antioxidants found in the body. They are known to improve not only the inflammation associated with MS, but also those of many nerve disorders such as Alzheimer’s and mad cow disease. Vitamin B12 is necessary for preserving the nerves, and its deficiency can mimic MS. High doses of vitamin B12 in severe MS lowers the injury to the sensory organs (eyes and ears). Clinical studies have shown huge improvements in MS when large doses of Vitamin D (2000 IU/day are taken. Ginkgo biloba is a plant that has a long history of use in China and Japan. It is useful for managing cognition and memory problems found in more than half of MS sufferers. Regular exercises also offer a lot of benefits to MS patients. It lessens fatigue and improves quality of life and well-being. T’ai Chi and other similar practices of mindful movement are known to improve mobility and joint flexibility. Stress worsens MS symptoms and can even trigger attacks. Stress reduction activities like meditation and breathing exercises are very helpful. My gums are always bleeding and sore. Sometimes I bleed when I brush my teeth. My dentist says I have Periodontal Disease, and gave me a paste that hasn’t helped. What can I do?

mouth usually occurs when the gums are inflamed. This inflammation like other inflammatory disorders of the body is triggered by the presence of free radicals- harmful toxins that cause damage to the body. Other causes of periodontal disease are tobacco smoke, amalgam fillings, toothbrush trauma, and gum disease. The aim of any therapy in periodontal disease is to reduce inflammation, reduce the time it takes wounds to heal and boost the body’s immune system. A healthy immune system is very vital for maintaining healthy gums. There are over 350 different species of microbes found in the mouth, and a number of them are harmful. It therefore comes as no surprise that some of them have been linked to periodontal disease. It is believed that the persistent immune response to some of these harmful microbes play a major role in periodontal disease. Zinc is important for maintaining the health of the gums. It is involved in supporting the structures that make up the gum and reduces the time it takes for gum wounds to heal. It also reduces inflammation. A twice daily mouth wash with 5% zinc solution is known to reduce the occurrence of gum bleeds. Vitamin E and Selenium potentiates each other’s powerful antioxidant effects. As antioxidants, both nutrients neutralize the toxic effect of harmful toxins and mercury from amalgam fillings. Such toxic substances have been linked to gum inflammation. Diseased gums also have low levels of a nutrient known as Co-enzyme Q10, and supplementing with this nutrient improves gum health. Folic acid is known to reduce gum inflammation and bleeding tendencies. Folate mouth wash is more effective than tablets.

FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN AND MEDICAL CONSULTATION CALL 965 071 745

Periodontal disease is an inclusive term for the inflammation of the gums (gingivitis) and the tissues surrounding the teeth (periodontitis). Bleeding and soreness in the

Friday, May 3, 2013

A PAIN IN SPAIN AS BRITS FEEL STRAIN

TWO unrelated stories in last week's Courier were to me disturbing and, read together, present a worrying trend. The first concerned a British bar owner in Los Alcazares who, in the good times, was granted a licence to open all year round. Then, five years ago, when things were getting tougher, he was told by the council he couldn't open all year, and decided to close for a month to keep the peace. This was despite the fact that originally he was granted a licence to operate all year. The next thing that happened was that he was ordered to reduce the size of his bar. And finally, he was told he had to physically remove the bar for a month each year. How he could achieve that, heaven knows! Crazy or what? But there seems to be something far more sinister here, because Spanishowned beach bars have been left alone and are expanding. And, according to the British owner, a councillor has been overheard saying he believed that in times of recession businesses should be Spanish owned. The other item, on the Letters page, concerned a comparison between facilities in Orihuela town, where the majority of the population is Spanish, and Orihuela Costa, where the majority is non-Spanish. The letter records that the town has just opened its second library, whereas the Costa has none. Other facilities like a centre for old people, residential homes and theatres are all in Orihuela town, and conspicuous by their absence in the Costa. I can understand how some Spanish must strongly resent the way their Mediterranean seaside towns have been changed out of all recognition by tourism and by the nonSpanish buying homes. It must be similar for them as it is for Brits who have seen large parts of UK cities transformed by immigration. But the Spanish, who may prefer to spend any available council resources in mainly Spanish areas and put obstacles in the way of foreign businesses, should consider these facts. Firstly, it was the Spanish who wanted to cash in on tourism and the housing boom by a building frenzy and it turned many poor landowners into millionaires overnight, while many immigrants into Britain were economic migrants, contributing little if anything to the country. Foreigners living in Spain now are contributing to the economy, spending millions of euros here and preventing unemployment being even larger than it is. Stark contrast to the UK, where immigration has resulted in boosting the benefits bill, now at unsustainable levels. The Spanish may not like their country being invaded by

omy gets. History repeats itself!

drunken louts on holiday, or seeing men with huge beer bellies lounging about in beach bars, or having to put up with undisciplined UK children allowed to run riot. I can tell them something - nor do I. But denying Orihuela Costa facilities which are the norm in the town and putting obstacles in the way of legitimate foreign businesses and favouring the Spanish, will do nothing to create harmony and could result in persuading some to quit. And the ultimate losers in that will be the Spanish. Having written about the Spanish apparently trying to favour their own over foreigners, it was interesting to read that the EU Commission is telling the UK government to make it easier for the unemployed in Europe to find work in Britain. Predictably it has caused a wave of protests in Britain; people alarmed at the prospect of another wave of immigrants moving into the UK and pushing unemployment rates higher, and with it, benefit bills. The EU Commission wants legislation to make it easier for unions and migrant groups to launch legal action if they think foreign workers are suffering discrimination. And EU Employment and Social Affairs Commissioner Laszlo Andor wants stronger European countries to invite jobless from elsewhere. Here's Socialism in action! This puts the EU Commission on a collision course with David Cameron, who says the Government will legislate to make it harder for EU migrants to come to Britain and claim benefits. And it strengthens even more the hand of UKIP who believe the only way to rid the UK of the nonsense is to quit the EU. Interesting, isn't it, how nationalism here in Spain, in the UK and everywhere else, gets stronger the worse the econ-

Political parties are extremely good at shooting themselves in the foot, and the Tories do it best when one of their richest tries to tell the poorest how to save money. Classic example is Environment Minister Richard Benyon, who is Britain's wealthiest MP, a classic silver spoon merchant, heir to a £110million family fortune – and who claimed the average family wastes £50 of food a month. The message is probably right, but the person delivering it is all wrong. And as a result the important message is completely wasted. There's no doubt that masses of perfectly good food is wasted. It happens in all stages of production, when food does not reach the supermarkets from farms in time. It happens in supermarkets when it ‘s not bought in time, and it happens in people’s homes when it lies around too long. The problems are compounded when supermarkets entice people to buy more food than they need with BOGOFs and other offers. Sadly it is the poorest and people on benefits who are often the worst when it comes to living frugally and within their means. I can recall walking around council estates and seeing front doors and windows open in cold weather with warmth pouring out. And when I visited homes of council tenants they were often heated far more than those of people who didn't have the rest of society helping to keep them.

People are not donating anything like as much money to church charity boxes as they did a few years ago. This fact came from Christopher Coulthard, and he should know - because he travelled around Britain on his bike armed with maps and an electric drill to steal from 600 charity tins and boxes in churches. He was jailed for the same offences in 2006 but upon release returned to his "trade" - something he has done for the past 20 years. He told his probation officer that the amount of money he could pillage in recent years had diminished "compared to the good old days". What would you have done with this wretched man? The judge sent him to jail for four years, which means he will be able to resume his attentions to charity boxes again in around two years. I would have him in a work camp and not released until he has paid back all the money he has stolen. My wife says she would have him scrub hundreds and hundreds of gravestones in all the churches from which he had stolen.

Friday, May 3, 2013

‘Steppers’ walk tall for stroke victims STEPS FOR STROKE on Easter Monday was another enjoyable and successful fund raising and awareness event when nearly €1,400 was raised. Torrevieja Stroke Support thank all sponsors and the promenade walkers, including wheelchairs and mobility scooters, who negotiated the five kilometre route along the sea front in Torrevieja. Easter bonnets were much admired and afterwards "steppers" enjoyed much needed coffee and tapas. Stroke Support now have a Spanish speaking section under Alicia G a r r o t e - G a r c i a , Occupational Therapist. This group meet on the second Friday of the month

at 5.15pm, after the normal meeting of the TSS, who meet weekly between 2.45pm and 5pm. All are social meetings but with an important input of speech therapy, physiotherapy, occupational therapy and art therapy and (new) an ex-stroke UK nurse. Venue - The Annex, Municipal Buildings, Calle Paganini s/n, Urb. La Siesta, Torrevieja. (behind Age Concern). The AGM of TSS will be on Friday May 17. All members will be informed separately. Further information can be found on www.torreviejastrokesupport.com or by e-mailing strokesupportgroup@hotmail.com or phone 966 718 964.

Sandra’s Magical Mystical Tour…

BRACE yourselves for a night out with a difference on the Lemon Tree Road on May 11 - a Mystical and Magic show featuring a top clairvoyant and an awardwinning magician. Psychic medium Sandra Mitchell Aetheris will be amazing even non-believers at Restaurante Los Rosales with the accuracy of her readings. She has worked in spiritualist churches all over the world for more than 30 years and given readings to the rich and famous, as well as converting sceptics Joining Sandra will be Costa Blanca X-Factor winner Graeme Mykal. A member of the magic circle, Graeme close-up mind-boggling been has deception described as ‘mesmerising’. The evening will also be magical for the invited charity Elche Children’s Care Home, a regular guest at Night Out Promotions shows. Tickets for the show and meal are €12.50. Call 697501992/672885418 for details or email losrosaleshows@gmail.com. Full details on www.lrshows.com ICELAND’S San Javier branch are having a Charity Fun Day on May 25 in aid of APAH. The day will feature a bouncy castle, hog roast, nail art, live radio broadcast and much more. Raffle prizes include a halfday yacht trip voucher for up to four people worth €200, a case of wine, some designer sunglasses of your choice from SpecSavers, a personal

training session, a custommade cake and lots lots, more. SAN Miguel de Salinas is holding a Street Fayre on Sunday May 26 to promote the town. Community members will turn stallholders to promote their businesses. If you wish to participate as a stallholder you can reserve stall(s) free of charge. You must however, be on the padron of San Miguel de Salinas and can register at the town hall by asking for Nuria. The closing date for registration is Friday May 17. For further information speak to the President of your urbanisation or contact Ian Townsley on 966 723 952 or 651 973 785. E-Mail townsleyian@gmail.com TICKETS are on sale at just €6 for the Cardinal Belluga Theatre Group’s charity show Movies and Musicals at the San Fulgencio Theatre on May 17. The doors open at 7.30pm and the show starts at 8. To book your ticket, please call Tom on 966790547 or Eileen on 966797545. w w w. t h e c a r d e n a l b e l l u gatheatregroup.com

GLOWING IN THE WIND RUNNING Wild AC’s Helen Giles (57:06) and Julia Skinner (67:06) took third place in their respective categories at Sunday’s 10.5k road race in Pilar de la Horadada. They were among five members of the Los Dolses-based club among the 170 runners who braved the wet and windy conditions. Howard Bednall (54:27) was ninth, John Pascoe (58:20) 14th and Jim Gavin (72:39) 17th - all three competing in the highest age-group - 50 years and over. A mistake in the organisers´ official results actually listed Jim as third LADY in the Vet D section… but he kept well clear of the podium at the presentations!

For MABS, England and Saint George! MABS Supporters and friends celebrated St George’s Day in style at La Vida restaurant in El Pareton. The sun shone and attracted a crowd to enjoy fun, music, fashion show,

prize draws and friendship, raising €503.65 on the day for MABS Mazarrón with more coming in. MABS volunteers modelled clothes from the MABS shop in Totana. The day started with the

arrival of St George and his trusty steed, Soraya, a beautiful grey rescued horse. Owner Teresa Hicks was a little worried about how Soraya would react to crowds, but she was the perfect ambassador and

stole everyone’s heart. Soraya, now around 20 years old, was abandoned eight years ago in Lorca, very lame through neglect. Teresa said: “It is one of the craziest things I have ever done in my life, but I paid off the back livery fees (approximately 2,000€), got her papers transferred to my name and took her away.” “This is the first time that Spanish businesses in El Pareton have supported a charity and donated prizes for the raffle and it’s been a huge success.” said MABS co-ordinator Zue Burgess. MABS Mazarrón is a registered charity (No. 7261) offering help and support to local people of all nationalities who have been diagnosed with or are being treated for cancer. For confidential help or support call their HELPLINE on 620 422 410 or visit www.mabsmurcia.com

VELVETONES ADD A TOUCH OF FROST

COME and help us raise funds for 'Reach Out' Torrevieja whilst enjoying the entertainment of the popular Velvetones harmony chorus! The Ladies promise to be on top form with the long awaited appearance of Tony Frost from the UK. Tony will be crooning powerful songs old and new, from Michael Buble to Queen and all sorts

in between. So come on guys, treat your lady to a night to remember – Wednesday May 8 at El Paraiso, Jardin del Mar 3, at 7.30pm (behind Carrefour). Tickets €5 including raffle and fun music quiz. Call Ena Fraser 965 707 598 or check out www.velvetones.org PHOTO BY KRISTOFF

Friday, May 3, 2013

Time to walk Dee walk with a joy called Sue... WHEN charity fundraising queen Susan Reader popped into the flourishing new Sofia’s Bar in El Raso recently to promote a bottle collection on behalf of Elche Children’s Home, they got talking about a cause being championed by The Courier’s Donna Gee. Donna, a Sofia’s regular, is on a sponsored diet raising funds for research into Crohn’s Disease - as those who read her column will be aware. And Dee and Sue agreed to set up a special fun event for CICRA, the Crohn’s in Children Research Association. Donna’s granddaughter Daisy spent five months off school during which she was doubled up in agony every

Amazing: Susan Reader ten minutes. Surgeons eventually removed part of her intestine in a lifsaving operation. Thanks to Dee and Susan, Bar Sofia will be hosting a Charity Walk through El Raso on Sunday May 26. If you don’t fancy the 2.5kilometre trek to the Salt Lake and back to Sofia’s, there’s a shortened "oneway" option that covers the marathon distance of … 500

metres! Delighted Donna says: “I can’t thank Dee and Susan enough for thinking of kids like Daisy. Just to see them suffering tears you apart. “Crohn’s is incurable. Organisations like CICRA are trying to change all that.’’ The main walk will start at 10am from Bar Sofia. Bucks Fizz or a small beer will be waiting for you at 11.15 at the Old Finca, from where it will be a question of walk, shuffle or crawl the 500m or so back to Bar Sofia. There’ll be a Treasure Hunt on the way with a prize for the person back first with everything on the list. Back at Bar Sofia, there’ll be all sorts of food available including hot dogs at just €1. The fun will include musical entertain-

ment plus a giant raffle with lots of donated prizes. Sue’s fund-raising ideas have mushroomed into many a fun-packed occasion. On May 26, the packing will include a luxury food hamper, which will be both donated and won by participants and their guests. Walkers are invited to bring along a suitable item for the hamper. For further info and sponsorship forms, call Dee on 672929585. Meanwhile, Sue has been helping to finalise a visit to the Torrevieja area by TV personality Tommy Walsh. “It’s actually the Homes, Gardens and Lifestyle Show at La Finca Hotel in Algorfa on May 29 and 30 and will be supporting no fewer than six charities.’’ she says.

for Help at Home (Costa Blanca) in the main and for MABS in Camposol. Remaining shows are: May 3: Bar Restaurant San Miguel, Cooperativa, Jalon Valley (Xalo) 633076588 / 633694740 May 5: Rendezvous, Campoamor - 608467597 May 6 - Emerald Isle, La Florida - 647681294 May 7: The Club House, Camposol Golf - 968978855 May 8: The Club, Quesada - 966717028 Tickets for all shows are 8.50€ (unless stated)

VETERAN Hollywood actor Al Matthews will be a special guest at next Tuesday’s launch of new theatre company Siesta Productions. Matthews, best-known for his role as Sergeant Apone in Aliens, also starred in Superman 3, The Fifth Element, Tomorrow Never Dies, and many other films. The new c o m p a n y, formed by a group of professional actors and producers, will produce plays and films on the Costa Blanca. Tuesday’s Siesta Soul Sensations Show at Guardamar’s Restaurante Los Rosales will set the with Alexandra third in 12.08:97 – and in the 1,500 boys scene as Siesta set out to freestyle, Elian finished fourth in 20:32:12. raise money for local chariFor more information regarding Torrevieja Swimming ties and give audiences and Club please contact Rosa - 665454126 or President the team the chance to have Felipe on 609418776 or by e-mail on info@clubnata- lots of fun. ciontorrevieja.com Al is quoted as saying: “I

am 100% behind Siesta and love the television, film and theatre work that members have already done. Having been in the business for more years than I can count, I see so much talent and enthusiasm with the guys and girls, who I now count as friends. “I wish them every success in their new venture and I know I am going to enjoy the s h o w immensely.” The show will also feature fivepiece band Soul Power and the upbeat singing of Paul Allen. Tickets are €12.50 for show and two-course meal, and a donation from the show will go to Little Pods animal rescue charity ( w w w. l i t t l e p o d f o u n d a tion.com). Call 697501992 or book through www.lrshows.com

Chardonnay, and the Torrevieja Harmonisers men’s chorus. You will learn various techniques during the day which will help you to improve your singing. "This is a great opportunity for anyone who wants to improve the quality of their singing voice and to learn about singing four part harmony,’’ says Gail. “Those with lower voices are particularly welcome as, in our experience, they have often been told in the past that they can't sing, which is usually far from the truth.” “Throughout the day we will learn a new song together and in the evening we will perform live in front of friends and family. This method of learning

Splash hit - from left Alexandra, Elian, and Zoe

TORREVIEJA Swimming club’s Zoe Connolly, Alexandra Amat and Elian Rio Di Castillo came through the daunting challenge of long-distance racing at San Vincente last Saturday – with impressive performances in the last control of the season. Zoe took first place in the 800 metres freestyle in a regional qualifying time of 11.19.40,

Roy Orbison (AKA Tony Lee) with Jukebox Legendson during the opening tour show THE Gene Pitney/Roy Orbison fund-raising tour made a storming start this week – literally. Heavy rain greeted the opening of UK tribute artist Tony Lee’s eight-show programme, which takes in venues from the Jalon Valley to Camposol. The versatile Lee’s incredibly similar voice will spark a host of memories for fans of the two US legends – and he has surprised and impressed so many here in Spain before. This tour will raise funds

SING IN HARMONY AFTER JUST ONE DAY! EVER wanted to sing but not known where to start? Did you sing at school and have now lost confidence? Or do you want a change from Karaoke but aren’t sure how to go about it? Well, help is at hand, because The Spanish Association of Barbershop Singers (SABS) is offering a ‘Learn to Sing Harmony in a Day’ course on Wednesday, May 22 at Marcia’s Dance Centre, Calle Benissa, Calpe. Both men and women are welcome to come and benefit from the invaluable experience of Musical Director and SABS President Gail Grainger, backed up by members of two a-cappella harmony quartets, Viva and

Twin tribute Tony ‘rains’ supreme!

has proved to be very popular in the UK and we are expecting an enthusiastic response.” There are only 50 places available, so make sure that you contact SABS soon to secure your place. Call 686 773 442 or email cath@sabs.es now. The Spanish Association of Barbershop Singers (SABS) was formed in October 2008 with the aim of encouraging the people of Spain to enjoy this unique form of a cappella, four-part harmony singing. SABS currently has over 200 members throughout Spain, Portugal and the Canary Islands. If you would like to find out more, please visit their website: www.sabs.es

Alien Al takes a local Siesta

Friday, May 3 2013

UK HEADLINES

BILL ROACHE ARRESTED OVER RAPE ALLEGATION CORONATION Street actor Bill Roache has been arrested on suspicion of raping an underage girl. The actor, who has played Ken Barlow in the TV soap for decades, was held at his home in Wilmslow, Cheshire, on Wednesday morning. Roache, 81, faces an allegation of rape dating back to between April and July 1967. A spokesman for Lancashire Police said: "An 81-year-old man from Wilmslow in Cheshire has this morning, Wednesday May 1 2013, been arrested by Lancashire Constabulary on suspicion of rape. "The man will be interviewed at a police station in Lancashire during the course of the day. "We take all allegations of sexual abuse extremely seriously and would encourage people with any information about sexual abuse, or anyone who has been a victim of sexual abuse, to come forward and report their concerns confident in the knowledge they will be investigated appropriately and with sensitivity." An ITV spokeswoman said the

The Mirror

broadcaster was not in a position to comment, but it is understood Roache will not appear in the long-running soap while investigations continue. In March, Roache issued an apology after he appeared to suggest sex abuse victims were being punished for

past sins. The actor was interviewed for a New Zealand news programme and said the public should not be judgmental but be "totally forgiving" of people who had committed child sex crimes. He told the programme: "If you

accept that you are pure love, and if you know that you are pure love and therefore live that pure love, these things won't happen to you." Asked to clarify whether that meant victims brought the abuse on themselves, he said: "No, not quite, but and yet I am, because everything that happens to us has been a result of what we have been in previous lives or whatever." He also called for anonymity for those accused of child sex offences because of the stigma they faced even if innocent. Roache later issued a statement saying he was "sorry for any offence that has been caused as a result of my comments". His comments were condemned by abuse charities. Roache, who has played Barlow since the first episode of Corrie, holds the record as the world's longest-serving soap actor. He collected an award from Guinness World Records in 2010 for his achievement, having joined in 1960 for the series which was expected to last for just 13 episodes

Rugby fans fined for weeing outside Twickenham

It’s a sporting institution in which the players give no quarter, the fans cheer loudly and the beer flows freely… as, it appears, does the urine. Forty-nine rugby fans were fined £80 each – a combined £3,920 – for weeing in the streets of Twickenham before and after Saturday’s Army vs Navy match, it has emerged. Police decided it was time for a tough tackling approach as a record 72,000 service personnel and other rugger supporters descended on the stadium.

But residents say, although they are grateful, they have some sympathy with visitors caught short – as just ten portable toilets are set up in the town centre for big games. ‘We need the RFU, the pubs and the booze retailers to jointly fund many, many more portaloos for all significant matches,’ Many fans arrived in fancy dress to see the Army’s 34-19 victory in the traditional forces fixture.

And there are few things more unsettling than the sight of a tipsy 6ft squaddie in blonde wig and full makeup, hitching up his skirts to take a tinkle down a side street. ‘It’s a shame they didn’t have any officers down at Whitton station as there were people urinating everywhere – including onto the track in full view of everyone,’ another resident said.

No way, full stop

A list of banned children’s names including 4Real, Lucifer, Anal and ‘\’ has been issued by New Zealand. A prohibition exists after parents sought to register their offspring with a variety of bizarre names. Officials working for the country’s births, deaths and marriages department have updated the list of names they have rejected since 2001. Two New Zealanders recently wanted to register their child’s birth with a backslash separating two names, but were told it would contravene strict rules on what monikers are considered acceptable. Also rejected were Majesty, Queen Victoria, and Knight as they break the rules that prohibit anything that implies a title. Stand-alone letters that appear to be initials but do not stand for anything including ‘AJ’, ‘MC’, ‘VI’, ‘LB’ and ‘CJ’ were all also turned down by officials. The list of 77 names reveals one child was set to be called ‘Anal’ before the Department of Internal Affairs vetoed the proposal, while another narrowly avoided being dubbed ‘.’ (full stop). Other names on the list included 4Real and V8, while Lucifer and Mafia No Fear also got the heave-ho. In some cases, parents appeared to have lost any inspiration for coming up with a moniker for their offspring, wanting to call the latest addition to the family simply ’2nd’, ’3rd’ or ’5th’. ‘Justice’ was the most popular on the list, having been rejected 62 times, although ‘Justus’ and ‘Juztice’ also failed to gain official approval. In 2008, New Zealand’s family court ordered a nineyear-old girl, whose parents had called her Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii, should have her name changed. Judge Rob Murfitt said it was embarrassing and ‘makes a fool of the child’. He also criticised parents who gave their children bizarre names, citing examples such as ‘Number 16 Bus Shelter’, ‘Midnight Chardonnay’ and twins called ‘Benson’ and ‘Hedges’. New Zealand is not the only country to ban parents from giving their children bizarre names. Sweden also has a similar law and has blocked attempts to name children Superman, Metallica and Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116.

Friday, May 3 2013

UK HEADLINES

Horror in the Arctic BLOODY CHEEK! A BATTERED mum told on Wednesday of her outrage after the NHS refused to rebuild her shattered nose — as wannabe model Josie Cunningham flaunted her taxpayerfunded boobs. Rebecca Beattie, 25, whose nose was crushed by her brutal ex, was told her £5,500 op was “not essential” and she must pay for it herself. But Josie, 22, got a £4,800 breast enhancement at public expense after tearfully telling her GP how having small boobs damaged her confidence. As Josie used NHS tape to barely cover her new 36DD assets at a gay night at the Scrumptious club in London’s Soho, Rebecca fumed: “It’s a disgrace. “I can’t believe the NHS chose to fund Josie’s boob job in the first place, but for her to then gloat about it when people are being refused surgery is shocking. “I’m struggling to get funding and yet here she is bragging. It’s hard to take.” Mum-of-one Rebecca, of York, suffered splayed nasal bones, a deviated septum and facial fractures at the hands of Bradley Want, 24. The thug — who Rebecca says beat her for FIVE YEARS — was jailed for 16 months last September. Charity worker Rebecca, who can only breathe through one nostril, has been told she needs corrective and cosmetic plastic surgery. The NHS Exceptions Panel, which assesses funding applications, has refused Rebecca FOUR times. Meanwhile, Josie, from Leeds, has raked in cash from appearances and photo-shoots. Rebecca said: “They say I’m not an exception — that I don’t meet the criteria. But apparently breasts do if you want to make money from glamour modelling. It’s awful. It’s really difficult for me to breathe and a nightmare if I get a cold because I struggle to blow my nose. My surgeon is shocked and can’t believe I’ve not got funding. Nobody can. It’s not fair.” Rebecca’s MP, Hugh Bayley, called the refusal “distressing”. Matthew Sinclair, of the TaxPayers’ Alliance added: “The NHS appears to have got it badly wrong in both these cases. “An elective boob job at taxpayers’ expense was madness, and denying an abuse victim surgery at the same time is appalling.’’

AN Arctic explorer froze to death and two others were seriously injured when their trip of a lifetime to Greenland went disastrously wrong. Philip Goodeve-Docker died after their tent was blown down a glacier on the second day of their trek. It left the three men exposed to -35°C temperatures and when rescuers reached them a day later, it was too late for 30-year-old Philip. His pals Andy Norman and Roan Hackney suffered shock and frostbite and will be flown back to Britain to recover from their injuries. Disaster struck just two days into the trio’s 30-day, 400-mile expedition in aid of Marie Curie Cancer Care, Mind and Age UK. A Facebook page about the trip said Wednesday: “Many of you will already be aware that the trip has gone disastrously wrong and that Phil has died. “Out of respect for the party we would request that no further messages are posted here. “We also ask that Andy’s privacy is considered and any contact will be made by him at such time that he deems appropriate. “Our thoughts and condolences are with Phil’s family and friends.” Police in Greenland said the team had radioed for help on Friday but rescuers could not reach them until early Saturday morning. Chief Inspector Paul Pitersen, of Greenland Police, said the severe storm with strong winds and snow that hit them was known as a “Piteraq”. He said: “It is quite rare but can happen at this time of year on the glacier. Their

Daily Mail

Tragic... Philip Goodeve-Docker died in snow storm tent was blown partially away and they were exposed. “One of the men said they thought Mr GoodeveDocker had probably died during the night. “The other men are okay and are on their way back to the UK. “They were very unlucky. They were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Mr Goodeve-Docker’s family confirmed he had died in a short statement released on Facebook. It read: “We wanted to let everyone know that on Sunday morning we had a phone call to confirm that Philip sadly died. “To our son, brother and

friend, we are so glad that you were on your adventure and expedition that you had wanted to do for so long. “You will be unbelievably missed and your memory cherished.” A statement released by the Foreign Office said: “We are aware that three British nationals were in difficulty during an expedition in Greenland, and have been rescued by the authorities. “Sadly, one of the team, Philip Goodeve-Docker, died. The other two British nationals are in hospital. “We are providing consular assistance to their families at this difficult time.” Before the trek Andy shared his training regime with his friends.

He was a regular around Swinley Forest, Bracknell, Berks, pulling tyres in preparation for pulling his entire kit on a sledge across the North Pole. In an unsupported trek explorers have to take everything they need with them, with kit weighing between 90-120kg. They would not have been able to ask for any other equipment during their month on the Arctic. They team were also equipped with rifles to protect themselves in case of polar bear attacks. After day one of the expedition, just hours before tragedy struck, he posted: “The team landed on the icecap safely. They quickly started moving west. Roan is very happy about the team’s performance in today’s breaking session. “It was easier than he anticipated for the team, especially as it was the first day of their first expedition ever for Phil and Andy. “Later on they set camp and reported they were happy with the layout. “The temperature was around -20°C and dropping quickly with an estimate of 35°C to be reached overnight. “There’s a covering of clouds, which Roan considered to be negligible. They guys were feeling the cold and were cosily wrapped up inside their sleeping bags waiting for dinner to be ready.” Andy quit his “boring IT job” to concentrate on training for the trip, and wanted to raise £3,500 for charity.

Friday, May 3 2013

SPANISH NEWS

VISIT MURCIA CATHEDRAL FROM YOUR ARMCHAIR By SALLY BENGTSSON The government of Murcia has launched a virtual tour of the city’s beautiful Cathedral. Built more than 500 years ago, the stunning Catholic Church is perhaps best known for its exterior. Its bell tower is the second tallest in Spain, and the entrance is adorned with Spanish Baroque designs. An interactive guide explains in detail the exterior's design, identifying each one of the 23 Saints depicted, as well as the Virgin Mary and Christ. The high-resolution images allow you to zoom as close as possible to analyse even the smallest detail. The virtual tour also takes you inside the building with Spanish explanations to inform you of the history and background information on the building. Inside, users will discover the Gothic designs of the historic cathedral. The tour across several key points give users complete control on what they want to see,

also allowing them complete 360 degree views, plus the option to zoom in or out. Among the tour's highlights is the intricately designed altar, as well as choir room. Just above the choir room is the cathedral's organ, which also offers a bird’s eye view of the interior. The Door of the Cross also takes users out onto the side of the famous 300-feet tall bell tower, which houses 25 bells, the oldest of which is nearly 400 years old. The audio guide is only in Spanish, but the views inside make the tour well worthwhile. The full tour in itself takes about 45 minutes, but gives users full control to go as quickly, or as slowly as possible, to fully appreciate every detail on the majestic Cathedral of Murcia. To see the tour go to http://www.regmurcia.com/servlet/s.Sl?sit=c,522&r=ReP28611-DETALLE_REPORTAJES

FRACK TO THE FUTURE Nothing to fear from Murcia gas project, says project boss

Oil And Gas Capital has assured residents that ‘fracking’ won’t endanger the natural resources of north-western Murcia. The company will start looking for gas in Murcia and Albacete over the next three months. Environment councillors have commented that there is no need for an evaluation of environmental impact for the first two years. However, the Mayor of Calasparra has shown his opposition, stating that he will do everything he can to stop the project, and adding that the crisis

cannot justify providing for today at the expense of future generations. Mariano Jimenez Beltran, director of the project in Spain, says the area has nothing to fear; that there is no seismic activity in the area, and that

the underground water sources will not be contaminated. The only way to find out if gas is present is by drilling holes in the earth. If enough gas is discovered, and this may take up to six years, then the landscape of the

area would change. Fracking (hydraulic fracturing) has earned a bad reputation, mainly due to films showing gas coming out of taps and causing a multitude of problems when drilling takes place. Jimenez says he

doesn’t understand the social alarm, and that the technique has been in use since the 60s. “We have never contaminated an area,” he reassures. Tomas Rodriguez, a scientist at Cartagena University, says that if

fracking is done well it should not affect the environment negatively. He explains that if it was done in Lorca it would be a time-bomb waiting to explode, but northern Murcia and Albacete have no seismic activity. He adds that only twice in the last 60 years have two small earthquakes occurred due to fracking, and this was in the UK. Ecologists in Action have organised a protest against fracking in Murcia for May 17, called ‘Nuestra tierra no se vende’ (Our land isn’t for sale).

Friday, May 3 2013

SPANISH NEWS

CYBER-ATTACK STARTED IN BARCELONA By SALLY BENGTSSON

If you thought the Internet was slow recently, you would have been right. A Dutchman has been arrested in Barcelona in connection with an unprecedented cyber-attack that reportedly slowed down the Internet, the Dutch prosecution service has confirmed. The house where the 35-year-old man, identified only as S.K., was staying was searched by Spanish police. Last month’s attack targeted Spamhaus, a Genevabased volunteer group that publishes spam blacklists used by networks to filter out unwanted email, and led to congestion in cyberspace. Spamhaus blamed the attack on the Dutch web-hosting service Cyberbunker. A source close to the investigation said S.K. was Sven Olaf Kamphuis, who acted as a spokesman for Cyberbunker at the time of the attack. Kamphuis describes himself on his Facebook page as “Minister of Telecommunications and Foreign Affairs for the Cyberbunker Republic.” Last month’s attack was described as the most powerful ever seen, creating congestion and ripple effects around the Web.

Ex-Mecano lead singer Ana WECOME, AFRICA! may face jail for tax evasion EX-MAYOR’S FIESTA ANA TORROJA, lead singer of a major pop sensation in the 1980s, could face three years and three months in jail for alleged tax fraud. The voice of Mecano, a band which hogged the top 10 in the Spanish charts from its début in 1982 with Hoy No Me Puedo Levantar ('I can't get out of bed today') until 1998, is said to owe about a million euros in unpaid tax 'laundered' via a company she partowned in the Balearic Islands. Investigations into the legal and financial advice firm Miquel Feliu Solicitors in Palma de Mallorca found money 'laundered' through tax havens and duplicate sales of plots of land in Cala Llamp, in the Andratx (Mallorca) area. Feliu was found to be linked to 816 companies with declared assets of 307 million euros. A debt with the tax authorities of 655,000 euros for unpaid contributions, and professional links to Feliu via her company Carlitos Way, could mean Ana is guilty of tax avoidance to the

tune of a million euros. Carlitos Way, of which Ana is the sole director, was formed in 2004 to provide services to restaurants. In June 2009, the singer – who went solo in 1999 and produced four bestselling albums, including one of her joint world tour with pop veteran Miguel Bosè – was called to testify, but exercised her right to refuse to comment when interrogated. She appealed against the charges of tax evasion on the grounds that the evidence against her – including telephone-tapping during the investiga-

tions in 2007 on the Feliu offices – was invalid. During the inquiry, which started six years ago, numerous clients of Feliu were charged with money-laundering and tax fraud, and all of them claimed they were tax residents in the United Kingdom and did not therefore have any obligation at law to declare their assets and income in Spain. Ana also claimed to be a UK fiscal resident rather than a Spanish taxpayer. After she refused to testify, the judge ordered a bail bond on her assets of 1.8 million euros. Prosecutors called for Miquel Feliu to remain in custody in 2007 pending trial, but this was rejected by the court in Palma. The State Law Service has called for three years and three months in jail for Ana, but the prosecution service has called for a year and a half which, as it is less than two years and the singer has no previous criminal record, would mean she would not have to go to jail.

The former mayor-president of Melilla, Mustafa Aberchán, on Friday defended his decision to literally open the doors of his home to let in about 40 subSaharan migrants who the police were trying to detain. At a news conference, Aberchán, a physician and leader of the opposition Melilla Coalition bloc, said he decided to give them refuge because some of them were injured after they jumped the border fence in an effort to reach Spanish territory. At least six were bleeding and others appeared to be having trouble breathing, he said. A colleague had told Aberchán about the situation near his home, but when he tried to reach his house a police officer blocked his way telling him "you have no business here," he later explained. "The security force [FSE] had taken over my street and there was a group of about 40 migrants that I allowed to enter my home," he said. His actions prevented the law enforcement authorities from detaining them. He said that the police were "using violence" to try to round them up. But in the end the migrants left his home and were taken to the CETI temporary detention center. Law enforcement authorities have not said whether they will bring charges against the former mayor-president, who served from 1999 to 2000. Aberchán said that he did what any other citizen would have done. He also asked the authorities not to treat the sub-Saharans as criminals.

Friday, May 3 2013

Horrorscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 Your enthusiasm to 'mix things up' with your blend of no-holds-barred anger and a total lack of listening to reason, has won you many fans amongst the planets, however not so much with those people who have to live or work with you down here on planet Earth. Welcome the number 4 into your life and embrace its significance to you and your own.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Beware slicing cucumbers and cucumber shaped salad vegetables during the Neptunian Hyperphase Gesticulation around the Wednesday this week. (During this time sharpening knives will have no effect.) Do not underestimate the protective power of a chime or loud 'bong' from a large clock, especially when escaped zoo animals are on the prowl.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 A cup of tea you brew on Tuesday will be influenced by a storm on Saturn's near side, with a 5% greater than usual chance of a spill or lip burn. An oversized crunchy cookie is well starred, with dunking the preferred course of action in the ratio 60-40. An overweight woman will park her car in an awkward position which may only be ultimately resolvable by hearty laughter and pain control tablets.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 "Do you wanna Hustle? Do you wanna Salsa?" This seemingly random invitation will be communicated personally to you in the form of an advertisement on a radio station this week. Always remember that in any dance class you will be judged as much by what clothing you choose to wear than by your dance ability - which is always determined by the stars and not on any talent or ability you may have.

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 A friend, a relative, or a hitchhiker that you give a ride to after the 6th, will introduce you to the stress relieving joy that is 'Screaming At The Top Of Your Voice While Motoring At Speed (Or Slowly When The Windows Are Closed In Lightly Populated Areas)'. Half measures are well starred all week.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Leaves and salad vegetables look set to make any meal zing with opportunity any time after 3pm. Neptune favours a light mayonnaise or olive oil dressing with a touch of seasoning, especially for those on a low sodium diet. Beware processed meat in all of its forms, especially if it is reformed into the smiling face of an animal it once was.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Over the counter drug taking may prove to be the lesser of two evils during Sun storms on Thursday. (Offer Saturn a sacrifice in the form of a flowering pot plant in an attempt to quell it's anger.) Flashing red lights will dictate urgent movement throughout the week, but never more so when loud thumpy sirens or music are involved.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 The planets have a warning for you, expressed in the dimension of cake decoration this week. Beware thick icing and patterns of a cat face until well into the second half of August. Your destiny is like a dog blind in one eye who has an itch it needs to lick on the blind side.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 May is traditionally your favoured month to 'let go'. Destiny suggests a full audit of past Mays's from years gone by and would advise not making the same mistakes twice unless a beach and/or beer are involved. An elderly but well dressed woman will hum a melody which you will find hard to place, especially on even numbered days except days with a 6 or 4 in them.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Smile and wink your way cheekily through the week and you will manage to build up goodwill and invitations to barbecues, dinner parties and tickets to sporting events from a certain type of generous superficial person under the direct influence of the Moon but only until midnight on the day of the party.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 A mayor, mayoress, or a human-dressedas-an-animal-mascot from a small town from the south with a strong local accent, will contact you early in the month with an offer of employment which you will, eventually, find attractive. You will be particularly drawn with the 'paid eating time' perks included in your offered position.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 An ab-crunch exercise program you have been intending to begin looks set to become inevitable after Pluto is influenced by the motion in one of its many moons. Remember to take exercise easy to start with and do not expect results to be obvious for many decades, or until another moon is discovered around Pluto, whichever happens first.

Friday, May 3 2013

Market Commentary 3 May 2013

UK manages to dodge triple dip recession Welcome to your market analysis commentary from Currencies Direct where you can stay one step ahead of your friends on the latest news and reviews of the financial markets. Our aim is to provide you with an easily digestible weekly overview of how the financial market is performing using the expertise of our dealers who make it their sole aim to keep on top of the market movements.

STERLING

The big news out of the UK last week was the GDP figure. The UK managed to dodge a triple dip recession and beat expectation by growing 0.3%, much better than forecast. UK Q1 GDP estimates of 0.1% were exceeded and the economy expanded at 0.3% on a quarter on quarter basis. Growth was driven by strong activity in the services sector and a rebound in North Sea and oil and gas output. The news was a welcome relief to sterling which has been oversold from the beginning 2013 on the news of weak economic data. The good news may also ease pressure on the BOE to add further to its QE programme and this should help supporting Sterling in the near term. Despite the good news, many analysts have pointed out that the UK is not out of the woods and that the recovery doesn’t feel like one as the UK economy remains 2.6% below its 2008 highs.

EURO

The Euro area factory output has slowed down for the 15th consecutive month in April bringing back fears to investors about the recovery of the crisis hit zone. Purchasing managers Index figures came out at 44.2 in France and 48.8 in Germany, which was the lowest in the last 6 months. Business confidence is rapidly slowing in Germany as the Eurozone as a whole remained in a recession. Unemployment conditions are also deteriorating in the Eurozone periphery and the Spanish unemployment rate has increased to its highest level in 37 years at 27.2%. The ECB is expected to cut interest rates to 0.50% from 0.75% in their policy meeting on May 2nd as the Eurozone is likely to stay in a recession this quarter. The rate cut is widely expected after ECB member and Bundesbank president Jens Weidmann hinted at a cut in a press conference in April.

US DOLLAR

PMI figures out earlier last week are showing that growth in China and the US are slowing. China PMI printed at 50.5 and in the US at 52. Both numbers were above the 50 level that technically indicates growth; however these figures were much lower than anticipated. The data has raised concerns that growth in America’s manufacturing sector is declining rapidly as consumers worry about the impact of spending cuts and tax hikes. Labour department data out last week showed an improvement as applications for U.S. unemployment benefits fell to a six-week low, a sign the labour market is improving after a setback last month. The key release last week was Fridays Q1 GDP. Growth in the first 3 months of the year accelerated to 2.5% but many economists were looking for GDP to print 3%. Despite the GDP being softer than consensus, the US growth really wasn’t all that bad. Personal consumption jumped 3.2% which is its strongest level since in Q4 2010. Private investment rose 12.3% on higher residential investment. Exports and imports also increased but fixed investments plunged. Information provided by Currencies Direct, leading providers of foreign exchange. Call to find out how we can help you get the best rates and save your transfer fees. Contact the La Zenia office on +34 965 994 830 or email costablanca@currenciesdirect.com. The contents of this report are for information purposes only. It is not intended as a recommendation to trade or a solicitation for funds. Currencies Direct cannot be held responsible for any loss or damages arising from any action taken following consideration of this information.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Free cheers for an Appy RoadTrip!

RoadTrip, the award-winning free app from Vauxhall that provides drivers with a fast and simple way of tracking their business journeys, is now available on Android and iPad. The app, which has had over 10,000 downloads on the iPhone platform and won the Business Car Techie Award, now offers a new range of smart features for tracking business miles, such as the new vehicle look-up functionality to add vehicles through their registration numbers. All information is provided by CAP, making mileage claims for any vehicle from any manufacturer quick and easy. Once your vehicle has been selected, the user enters their destination and the app will then plan the route, calculating the cost of the journey including mileage rates and other likely expenses.

Vauxhall recognises the amount of administration that is involved with business journeys. The newly added feature of RoadTrip Online allows the user to sync all their journeys to their work computer, whilst the apps’ expense report previews can be emailed to the user’s manager as CSV files, simplifying the administration process as much as possible by offering an end-to-end solution to the management of business journeys. “When travelling on a daily basis, recurring expenses can cause frustration for employees,” said James Taylor, Fleet Sales Director at Vauxhall. “The RoadTrip app combines navigational tools with smart calculation software to offer an easy-to-use app for any employee on the road.” The RoadTrip app can be downloaded from the App store or Google Play now – search for ‘Vauxhall RoadTrip’.

Friday, May 3, 2013

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 1 represents M and 9 represents X, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Exclude from the Dolomites (4) 4 Some dances to rejuvenate forerunner (8) 8 Eccentrics could start rows (6) 9 Want to take a run, and got close (6) 10 Daft, they say, to complete the corner (5,3,4) 11 Has faith in repaired struts (6) 14 Varlet goes off on a journey (6) 16 Constant communication on these lines (9,3) 20 Skill needed to make old money (6) 21 Spies trail a state tree (6) 22 Train about a vehicle (8) 23 Voice quality begins to offend nearly everybody (4) STANDARD CLUES

Down 2 Napoleon from Marino is a plumber (5) 3 Sent Nat around for the boarders (7) 4 Benefit from a cassette deck (5) 5 Criminal got off after sanction (7) 6 Shiver when she drinks a cocktail (5) 7 Devour English stew late (7) 12 Put back in fireplace (7) 13 Wreck that's rebuilt with some hesitation (7) 15 Pull a ton over large area of land (7) 17 Old magistrate about late in the day (5) 18 Dodge lady about now (5) 19 Deceit admitted by a new immigrant (5)

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Ear End Fen Ice Net Pea Toe Vet 4 letter words Acts Area Beer Caps Cede Edge Elan

Else Head Info Iris Item Lace Load Nail Ogre Ores Peer Prep Pros Rode Role Root Rout Scup Seer

Stop Tees Test Toff Tofu Tube Upon Zulu 5 letter words Altos Apace Cares Cones Error Evade Laser Lasso Later

Lucid Ponds Ropey Serge Slums Sough Strap Styes Tapir Tiled Yards 6 letter words Arises Asleep Assess Desire Fatten Lasers

Rapids Redeem Tester Unzips 8 letter words Conducts Shambles 9 letter words Concretes Penthouse 10 letter words Candelabra Cautionary

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Down

Across Across

Down

1 Read quickly (4) 4 Purple flower (7) 9 Dilapidated (7) 10 Attentive (5) 11 Region (4) 12 Be relevant (7) 15 Get together (6) 16 Less difficult (6) 18 More brash (7) 19 Go by (4) 22 Overweight (5) 23 Guess (7) 24 Long eventful journey (7) 25 A lot of (4)

2 Sweets (13) 3 Midday (4) 4 Digit (6) 5 Nonsense (8) 6 Requirement (13) 7 Lowest female singing voice (4) 8 Organise (7) 13 Feebleness (8) 14 Flourish (7) 17 Sweater (6) 20 Ball game (4) 21 Bleak (4)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Grubby, 4 Smart, 8 Bears, 9 Edition, 10 Limited, 11 Deal, 12 Sip, 14 Edge, 15 Ripe, 18 Dot, 21 Oral, 23 Release, 25 Ominous, 26 Gnaws, 27 Sense, 28 Better. Down: 1 Gabble, 2 Unarmed, 3 Besotted, 4 Said, 5 Alike, 6 Tangle, 7 Needs, 13 Prologue, 16 Peasant, 17 Joyous, 19 Trust, 20 Censor, 22 Align, 24 Bore.

Scribble Pad

2 Nintendo character (5) 1 Leave out (4) 3 Renters (7) 4 Progenitor (8) 4 Strength (5) 8 Eccentrics (6) 5 Agree (7) 9 Approached (6) 6 Tremble (5) 10 Crazy (5,3,4) 7 Late (7) 11 Believes in (6) 14 Journey (6) 12 Substitute for (7) 16 Track and bed of a rail13 Break into bits (7) way (9,3) 15 Draw (7) 20 Gift (6) 17 Chief magistrate (5) 21 Flowering shrub (6) 18 Avoid (5) 22 Practise (8) 19 Foreign (5) 23 Vocal quality (4) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Adam, 3 Embraces, 9 Nastier, 10 Scale, 11 Slant, 12 Nutmeg, 14 Ascend, 16 Eraser, 19 Candid, 21 Beard, 24 Alice, 25 Edifice, 26 Extolled, 27 Onus. Down: 1 Amnesiac, 2 At sea, 4 Marine, 5 Resit, 6 Chalets, 7 Shed, 8 Milton, 13 Aridness, 15 Chariot, 17 Rabbit, 18 Adhere, 20 Dwell, 22 Asian, 23 Mane.

Across 1 Height (measurement) (6) 4 Plátano (6) 9 Party (political) (7) 10 Usher (in court) (5) 11 That (nearer) (3) 12 Wastepaper basket (8) 14 Carnation (6) 15 Flies (insects) (6) 18 Anxiety (8) 20 Costilla (3) 23 Garras (de animales) (5) 24 Servicios (retretes públicos) (7) 25 Saw (tool) (6) 26 Quedar (6)

Down 1 Manzana (5) 2 Card (greetings card, visiting card etc) (7) 3 Root (4) 5 Tiles (floor) (8) 6 Vivo (5) 7 Atrasos (financiero) (7) 8 Tails (of birds, horses, fishes, planes) (5) 13 Defender (8) 14 Puddles (7) 16 Plum (fruit) (7) 17 Dardos (5) 19 Smooth (skin) (5) 21 Bisonte (5) 22 Esposa (4)

Friday, May 3, 2013 Across 1 What name for a piece of enclosed land with fruit-trees comes from the Latin for ‘garden’? (7) 5 Which adjective means ‘of, relating to, or suited for war or a warrior’? (7) 9 Which river in Zaire has given its name to an RNA virus that causes an often fatal haemorrhagic fever? (5) 10 Which word can mean both ‘reduction of a prison sentence on account of good behaviour’ and ‘abatement in intensity or degree, as in the manifestations of a disease’? (9) 11 What name is given to the branch of social science that deals with the production and distribution and consumption of goods and services and their management? (9) 12 What name is normally applied to a public performance featuring bronco riding, calf roping, steer wrestling, and Brahma bull riding? (5) 13 Which river, the longest in the world, rises south of the equator and flows northward through north-eastern Africa to drain into the Mediterranean Sea? (4) 15 Which white amorphous tasteless polysaccharide is the principal form in which carbohy-

drate is stored in animal tissues and especially muscle and liver tissue? (8) 18 In which children’s game does one player bend down and is vaulted over by another player? (8) 19 Which word can precede: call, mops, off, out, over and up? (4) 22 Which controversial Manchester-based rock band’s best selling albums included: Definitely Maybe, What’s the Story (Morning Glory) and Be Here Now? (5) 24 The name of which vehicle equipped for transporting the injured or sick comes from the Latin for ‘to go about’ or ‘to walk’? (9) 26 Which compact fine-textured, usually white and translucent gypsum is often carved into vases and ornaments? (9) 27 Which verb, derived from the Old North French for ‘unclaimed’, means ‘to relinquish voluntarily, as a legal right? (5) 28 The tight knitted garment the American actress Lana Turner wore in 1937 film They Won’t Forget prompted studio publicists to promote her as the ‘(What) Girl’? (7) 29 What name is usually

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

applied to a localised collection of pus in any part of the body, surrounded by inflamed tissue and often caused by bacterial infection? (7)

Down 1 Which word can follow: bottle, can, eye, letter and tin? (6) 2 The 1986 film starring Paul Hogan as an Australian out-

back hero who goes to Manhattan and puts New Yorkers in their place was entitled (What) Dundee? (9) 3 What was the name of the 18th-century Franciscan mission in San Antonio, Texas, which was the site of a historic resistance effort by a small group of determined fighters (including the legendary Davy Crockett) for Texan independence from Mexico in February/March 1836? (5) 4 Which short-barrelled pocket pistol was used by John Wilkes Booth to assassinate President Abraham Lincoln? (9) 5 Epidemic parotitis is another name for which acute contagious viral disease characterised by fever and by swelling of the parotid glands? (5) 6 What name is given to an artificial lake where water is collected and kept in quantity for community use? (9) 7 Which epic poem describing the Trojan War is traditionally attributed to the ancient Greek poet Homer? (5) 8/25 Who was first British boxer to hold the undisputed heavyweight world championship since Bob Fitzsimmons lost his title to James J Jeffries in 1899? (6,5) 14 In chess, what name is

given to the capture of a pawn as it makes a first move of two squares by an enemy pawn that threatens the first of these squares? (2,7) 16 Lawrence Peter were the real first names of which American professional baseball player, manager, and coach who, at one time, held the records for most home runs hit while playing in the position of catcher (313) and most consecutive errorless games (148)? (4,5) 17 Which small, prickly wild rose with fragrant foliage and numerous small pink flowers native to Europe and western Asia is also known as the sweetbrier? (9) 20 What name is given to teeth with rounded or flattened surfaces adapted for grinding? (6) 21 Which word can mean both ‘a state of abeyance or suspended business’ and ‘an alcove’? (6) 23 In music, what name is given to the system of five horizontal lines on which the musical notes are written? (5) 24 What was the surname of the British politician who was the first woman member of parliament to sit in the House of Commons (1919-45)? (5) 25 See 8

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

LA TELEVISION - TELEVISION Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

history QUIZ

ANSWERS: 1. The Spanish Armada 2. Galileo 3. Czechoslovakia 4. Lancaster, Pennsylvania 5. Paris 6. Ferdinand Marcos 7. Fell off toilet 8. Socrates 9. Lichtenstein 10. Yuri Gagarin 11. Harvard 12. The Tolpuddle Martyrs 13. The Pelican, Renamed The Golden Hind After Clearing Cape Horn

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Coffee, 4 Scrabble, 9 Largo, 10 Ruritania, 11 Iron, 12 Ides, 13 Spare, 15 Pigtail, 16 Mope, 19 Stun, 20 Stipend, 23 Tweed, 24 Rook, 25 Diva, 27 Prototype, 28 Slate, 29 Abrasive, 30 Modest. Down: 1 Calliope, 2 Furlongs, 3 Eros, 5 Christmas rose, 6 Antiseptic, 7 Bantam, 8 Enamel, 10 Rudolf Nureyev, 14 Fastidious, 17 Heritage, 18 Adjacent, 21 Utopia, 22 Renoir, 26 Oslo.

la película

el concurso

la periodista

el documental

la presentadora

el programa

las noticias

el pronostico

la telenovela

la cadena

la transmisión

la entrevista

una comedia

Empareja estas palabras - Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz. 1.blanco y negro, 2.el concurso,

13.la transmisión,

i.the documentary,

3.el documental, 4.el programa,

14.una comedia.

j.the broadcast, k.the film,

5.el pronostico, 6.la cadena,

a.the reporter, b.the forecast,

l.the news, m.the interview,

7.la entrevista, 8.la película,

c.the channel, d.a comedy,

n.the programme.

9.la periodista,

e.the quiz, f.the soap opera,

10.la presentadora,

g.black and white,

11.las noticias, 12.la telenovela,

h. the presenter,

Soduko

Span - Eng

Answers: 1g, 2e, 3i, 4n, 5b, 6c, 7m, 8k, 9a, 10h, 11l, 12f, 13j, 14d.

1. What Left Lisbon On May 28 th 1588 & Did Not Return Intact? 2. Who invented the thermometer in 1593? 3. In 1968 Which Country Did The USSR Invade To Stamp Out Liberal Reform? 4. The first Woolworth's store opened in which US state, in 1979? 5. Which City Did The Allies Liberate On August 25th 1944? 6. Who Was Ousted By Corazon Aquino In 1986? 7. How did King George II of England die? 8. Whose last words were, "Clito, I owe a cock to Asclepius"? 9. Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI created which principality in 1719? 10. Who was the first man in space? 11. What's the oldest college in the u.s.? 12. What Were The Six Farm Hands Arrested For Forming A Trade Union Better Known As? 13. With Which Ship Did Francis Drake Circumnavigate The World?

blanco y negro

Quizword

Fill It In

Friday, May 3, 2013

TRELI ON THE TELLY

AT LAST - IT’S ITV’S KNIGHT FANTASTIC!

with ALEX TRELINSKI I NEVER thought I’d ever write this, but ITV have produced a hit sit-com! Their last foray into that area was the awful Barbara with Gwen Taylor, which mercifully ended a decade ago. This long gap is one hell of a black mark against a channel that has promoted itself as the

brand leader in entertainment, yet has failed to deliver anything in traditional scripted comedy (and I count Benidorm more as comedy/drama rather than a sitcom, and of course it's made on location without an audience). It’s said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery so,

as with the BBC’s great Monday night double-header of Miranda and Mrs Brown’s Boys, we now have ITV aping the same format in the identical timeslot! ITV’s fifth-rate comedy shows have been rubbish for over 30 years, but that lamentable record dramatically came to an end with Vicious. There’s quite some irony here, as one of the stars is Frances de La Tour, who was in the last great ITV sit-com (and perhaps their best ever), Rising Damp. It’s fun to see her supporting Ian McKellen and Derek Jacobi in a hilarious half-hour, as they play an elderly gay couple with a wonderful patter in exchanging barbed comments. Things get more interesting for their characters of Freddie and Stuart, when a young guy moves into the building, and the laughs con-

tinue. It’s a treat to watch two of our knighted actors doing TV comedy, with a script that delivers. A Christmas special was ordered months ago, and a second series is a mere formality. And there I was, thinking that I’d have to wait until the end of the year to get my next load of belly laughs with the return of Mrs Brown! The second bit of ITV’s comedy hour was an “Office”-style show, called The Job Lot, recorded on location. Set in a Midland job centre, there are some interesting characters with top performers like Russell Tovey, and it's also something of a game-changer for ITV like Vicious before it. My only criticism is that the two shows should have been screened the other way round, as the gentler and very different style of The Job Lot seemed sedate after the antics that preceded it, and

that would be an unfair judgement on a good programme. So my congratulations to ITV, who forced a cheeky bit of competition from BBC2, with a rare Monday night comedy profile! The Beeb screened a wonderful hour featuring Dave Allen, who was one of the best humorous TV storytellers I’ve ever seen. I have a vivid memory of Dave producing a killer punch line in a story involving Snow White’s dwarves and a somewhat cruder interpretation of the Seven Up drink at the time! We missed the next yarn, as we were too busy on the floor in hysterics and this was before domestic VCR machines appeared, so there was nothing to wind back! A true TV great, Allen was the only man doing religious sketches back in the 70s, though the stuff looks some-

what tame these days. It was a great walk down memory lane remembering a unique talent, who hopefully was allowed to enter Heaven when he left us eight years ago. If you missed it, then BBC2 has a late night repeat this Sunday. Was it just me, but did you find the acts of the latest Britain’s Got Talent to be somewhat uninspiring? The little girl doing Rihanna or the Welsh guitarist singing Iris did absolutely nothing for me, but at least there were some good laughs to be had, as we seemed to have the number of rubbish turns turned up a lot last Saturday. I didn’t think we saw a potential winner on The Voice either, but with both shows getting high figures of eight million viewers, neither ITV nor the BBC would be losing any sleep over my gripes!

The Courier Friday TV 00:35 This Week 01:20 Holiday Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Animal Frontline 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Would I Lie to You? 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Not Going Out 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 The Review Show 02:10 Panorama 02:40 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Strictly Soulmates 05:30 Victorian Villains

05:55 Found 06:10 Schools - The Big Wheel 06:25 Schools - My Kite Is Flying 06:40 Schools - In My Shoes: Rotterdam 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Animal Frontline 09:15 Saints and Scroungers 10:00 Great British Menu 11:00 Snooker: The World Championship 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Vote 2013 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 15:00 Vote 2013 16:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:00 Vote 2013 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Flog It! 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 22:00 The Genius of Marie Curie The Woman Who Lit Up the World 23:00 QI 23:30 Weather

00:15 The Job Lot 00:45 All Star Family Fortunes 01:25 Jackpot247 04:00 In Plain Sight 05:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Martin Lewis Money Show 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 The Ice Cream Girls 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

WOULD I LIE TO YOU? New series. Rob Brydon returns with the comedy panel show, in which team captains David Mitchell and Lee Mack are joined by guests Dara O Briain, Denise Van Outen, Rhod Gilbert and Vernon Kay, who try to hoodwink their opponents with absurd facts and plausible lies about themselves.

00:15 24 Hours in A&E 01:20 Random Acts 01:25 The Hoarder Next Door 02:20 The World's Weirdest Weather 03:15 Dispatches 03:45 Unreported World 04:10 Come Dine with Me 05:05 Deal or No Deal 06:00 Countdown 06:45 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 11:00 The Secret Millionaire 12:00 Location, Location, Location 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 What's Cooking? 14:45 Four Rooms 15:45 Countdown 16:30 1001 Things You Should Know 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Five Minutes to a Fortune 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 Ben Earl: Trick Artist 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

May 3

01:15 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Nature Shock 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Iceland: Ash Cloud Apocalypse 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:10 My Neighbor's Keeper 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 The Removal Men 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

The Courier Saturday TV

May 4

03:50 Question Time 04:50 This Is BBC Two 00:20 The Wright Way 00:50 Dark Water 02:25 Weatherview 02:30 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Nigel Slater's Simple Suppers 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Football Focus 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 17:30 Final Score 18:20 Pointless Celebrities 19:10 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:30 Doctor Who 20:15 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins

01:35 Jackpot247 04:00 The War Wagon 05:40 ITV Nightscreen 07:55 Up in the World 07:00 Special Agent Oso 09:25 The Early Bird 07:25 The Hive 07:40 Dino Dan 11:00 Snooker: The World 08:05 Canimals Championship 08:20 Almost Naked Animals 08:35 Ultimate Spider-Man 13:00 University Challenge 09:00 Jessie 09:25 ITV News 13:30 Just a Minute 09:30 Saturday Farm 14:00 MotoGP 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:20 My Tasty Travels with Lynda 15:00 EastEnders Bellingham 16:50 Coast 12:20 Murder, She Wrote 13:20 ITV News and Weather 17:30 Snooker: The World 13:34 ITV Meridian Weather 13:35 Fool Britannia Championship 14:05 All Star Mr & Mrs 18:30 Flog It! 15:05 River Monsters 16:10 The Chase 19:30 Dad's Army 17:10 Midsomer Murders 20:00 Snooker: The World 18:45 ITV Meridian Weather 19:00 ITV News and Weather Championship 19:15 You've Been Framed! 20:15 Britain's Got Talent 22:30 QI XL 21:15 The Cube 23:15 The United States of Television: 22:20 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:20 ITV News and Weather America in Primetime 23:34 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Basic Instinct 07:00 This Is BBC Two

00:05 10 O'Clock Live 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 New Girl 01:35 The Mindy Project 01:55 Jalsaghar 03:35 Happy Endings 04:00 Accidentally on Purpose 04:20 The New Normal 04:45 St Elsewhere 05:30 Deal or No Deal 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 Caterham UK Racing 08:00 FIM Superbike World Championship 08:25 The Grid 08:55 The Morning Line 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:00 Frasier 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:35 The Big Bang Theory 13:05 The Simpsons 13:35 Heston's Titanic Feast 14:40 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 19:40 Channel 4 News 20:00 Sarah Beeny's Selling Houses 21:00 Grand Designs 22:00 Star Trek

THE VOICE UK

21:05 The Voice UK 22:25 Casualty 23:15 BBC News; Weather 23:30 Match of the Day

00:05 Later with Jools Holland

The final round of blind auditions - the last chance for the remaining hopefuls to win a place on the coaches' teams. Once Jessie J, Will.i.am, Tom Jones and Danny O'Donoghue have chosen their 12, they will train them in readiness for next week's battle rounds. Holly Willoughby and Reggie Yates are backstage with the singers and their families.

01:10 Snooker: The World Championship 02:00 Felicia's Journey

00:55 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 05:00 Motorsport Mundial 05:25 House Doctor 05:50 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:30 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Chloe's Closet 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:15 Animal Antics 08:20 Noddy in Toyland 08:30 Mio Mao 08:35 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:40 City of Friends 08:50 Milkshake! Monkey 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:45 Jelly Jamm 11:00 The Mr Men Show 11:15 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 11:50 Batman: The Brave and the Bold 12:15 Inside Hollywood 12:20 Frontline Police 13:20 Emergency Bikers 14:20 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild 15:25 Avalanche Express 17:10 Breakheart Pass 19:00 5 News Weekend 19:05 Stone Cold 20:30 NCIS 21:20 NCIS 22:20 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 23:15 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

The Courier Sunday TV 01:00 The Football League Show

00:15 Sin City

02:10 Weatherview

02:10 This Is BBC Two

02:15 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast

07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:10 Experiment Perilous

08:30 Match of the Day 08:40 The White Tower 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics

10:15 The A to Z of TV Gardening 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

13:20 Countryfile

12:30 The Beechgrove Garden

14:15 Bargain Hunt

13:00 Gardeners' World

15:15 Helicopter Heroes

13:30 MotoGP

15:45 Points of View

15:00 Snooker: The World

16:00 Escape to the Country

Championship

17:00 Songs of Praise 19:00 Coast 17:35 Great Bear Stakeout 18:35 The Diamond Queen 19:35 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 The Village 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

20:00 Snooker: The World Championship

01:50 04:00 04:50 07:00 07:10 07:25 07:40 08:05 08:20 08:30 09:00 09:25 09:30 10:25 11:20 12:20 13:20 13:29 13:30 14:30 15:30 17:25 19:15 19:15 19:30 19:45 20:30 21:00 23:00 23:55

Jackpot247 The Starter Wife ITV Nightscreen Special Agent Oso Special Agent Oso The Hive Dino Dan Canimals Almost Naked Animals Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Sonny with a Chance ITV News Country House Sunday The Jeremy Kyle Show USA Murder, She Wrote Dickinson's Real Deal ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Love Your Garden Britain's Got Talent Fletch Midsomer Murders ITV Meridian Weather ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Catchphrase Off Their Rockers Endeavour Perspectives ITV News and Weather

GULLIVERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S TRAVELS Fantasy adventure based on Jonathan Swift's classic yarn, starring Jack Black. Slacker and wannabe travel writer Lemuel Gulliver is sent on assignment to a resort within the Bermuda Triangle, where he is promptly shipwrecked. But after being washed up in the land of Lilliput, Lemuel finally gets the chance to stand tall.

00:25 Premonition 02:20 Mahanagar 04:35 Coming Up 05:05 Hollyoaks 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 Freesports on 4 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 09:55 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:00 The Big Bang Theory 13:25 The Big Bang Theory 13:50 The Simpsons 14:20 The Simpsons 14:50 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Deal or No Deal 18:10 Five Minutes to a Fortune 19:10 Channel 4 News 19:30 Come Dine with Me 20:25 Gulliver's Travels 22:00 Peter Kay Live: The Tour That Didn't Tour - Tour 23:55 The Waterboy

May 5

00:10 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:10 SuperCasino 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:20 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 County Secrets 05:55 Hana's Helpline 06:05 Angels of Jarm 06:15 Roary the Racing Car 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:35 Hana's Helpline 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:30 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Chloe's Closet 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:15 Animal Antics 08:20 Noddy in Toyland 08:30 Mio Mao 08:40 City of Friends 08:50 Milkshake! Monkey 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:20 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:45 Jelly Jamm 11:00 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 11:10 Power Rangers 11:40 Batman 12:05 Climbing the Giants 12:35 The Hotel Inspector 13:35 Thunderpants 15:20 Along Came Polly 17:00 What a Girl Wants 19:00 Dirty Dancing 21:05 Once Upon a Time 22:00 The Truth About Travellers 22:55 5 News Weekend 23:00 London Boulevard

The Courier Monday TV 00:35 Late Kick Off

00:00 Dave Allen: God's Own

01:05 The Sky at Night

Comedian

01:25 A Boy Called Dad

01:00 Romance & Cigarettes

02:40 Weatherview

02:40 Countryfile

02:45 BBC News

03:35 Holby City

07:00 Breakfast

04:35 This Is BBC Two

10:00 Fake Britain

07:00 This Is BBC Two

10:45 Homes Under the Hammer

07:20 Homes Under the Hammer

11:45 Animal Frontline

08:20 Don't Get Done, Get Dom

12:15 Don't Get Done, Get Dom

09:05 Animal Frontline

13:00 Bargain Hunt

09:35 Animal Park

14:00 BBC News; Weather

10:20 The Prince of Egypt

14:20 Regional News and Weather

11:50 Tintin and the Mystery of the

14:30 Escape to the Country

Golden Fleece 13:30 Badminton Horse Trials

15:30 Perfection 16:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

15:30 Snooker: The World Championship 19:00 Eggheads

17:00 Planet Earth

19:30 Flog It!

18:30 Wallace & Gromit: A Close Shave

20:00 Snooker: The World Championship

19:00 BBC News 19:25 Weather 19:30 The One Show 20:10 Pointless Celebrities 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl 23:40 BBC News 23:55 Regional News and Weather

00:14 ITV Meridian Weather 00:15 Premiership Rugby Union 01:10 The Store 03:10 Monk 03:55 Motorsport UK 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 Tipping Point 12:30 You've Been Framed! 12:55 ITV News and Weather 13:05 ITV News Meridian 13:05 ITV Meridian Weather 13:15 K-9 15:00 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 16:00 Our Queen 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:30 You've Been Framed! 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 James Nesbitt's Ireland 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Vicious 22:30 The Job Lot 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:15 The Jonathan Ross Show

01:40 Charulata 03:45 Coming Up 04:10 A Place in the Sun 05:05 Deal or No Deal 06:00 Countdown 06:45 SuperScrimpers 06:50 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:10 The Land before Time 09:25 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 The Secret Millionaire 12:00 Come Dine with Me 12:30 What's Cooking? 13:40 Sarah Beeny's Selling Houses 14:45 Four Rooms 15:45 Countdown 16:30 1001 Things You Should Know 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 SuperScrimpers 22:00 The Hoarder Next Door 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

MOTOR MORPHERS Jason Bradbury invites two teams to transform old vehicles into machinery capable of completing specific tasks. For the first edition, the competing engineers set about transforming cement-mixing lorries into boats that can carry a half-ton cargo on a figure-of-eight course around a lake. They must also build winch systems to hoist their loads off the vessels and carry them across a finish line - and they have just four days in which to do it.

00:55 Soho Blues 01:55 SuperCasino 05:00 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 County Secrets 05:55 Hana's Helpline 06:05 Angels of Jarm 06:15 Roary the Racing Car 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:35 Hana's Helpline 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Milkshake! Monkey 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Trauma Doctors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Benidorm ER 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:20 The Poseidon Adventure 17:55 Inside Hollywood 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 19:35 Ultimate Police Interceptors 20:00 Building the London Underground 21:00 Motor Morphers 22:00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild 23:00 The Bone Collector

The Courier Tuesday TV 00:00 Have I Got a Bit More News for You 00:45 The Graham Norton Show 01:30 Once 02:55 Weatherview 03:00 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Animal Frontline 12:30 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Wright Way

00:00 The Many Faces of 01:00 For Your Consideration 02:20 Keeping Britain Alive: The NHS in a Day 03:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools - L8R Youngers 3

05:30 Schools - Just a Few Drinks 06:00 History Hunt 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:50 Animal Frontline 09:20 Saints and Scroungers 10:05 Watchdog 11:05 Paul Hollywood's Bread 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Britain's First Photo Album 14:30 The Super League Show 15:15 Mastermind 15:45 My Life in Books 16:15 Rewind the 60s 17:00 Life in the Undergrowth 18:00 The Great British Bake Off 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Flog It! 20:00 Nature's Weirdest Events 21:00 Alex Polizzi: The Fixer 22:00 Keeping Britain Alive: The NHS in a Day 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired 23:30 Weather

00:15 Monk 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Champions League Weekly 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 River Monsters 21:00 Caroline Quentin's National Parks 22:00 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? The People Play 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Zoo

THE APPRENTICE Alan Sugar begins another search for a candidate worthy of setting up in business with him - with a ÂŁ250,000 investment to help get their idea off the ground. As usual, the millionaire businessman sets out his stall with his introductory pep talk but this one takes place at midnight, after which it's straight on with the first task. The 16 contestants are divided into teams - boys versus girls as usual - and each group is taken to a shipping container full of imported products.

00:05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Shameless 02:05 Naayak 04:05 The Renovation Game 05:00 A Place in the Sun 05:55 Deal or No Deal 06:50 SuperScrimpers 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 11:00 The Secret Millionaire 12:00 Come Dine with Me 12:30 What's Cooking? 13:40 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:45 Sarah Beeny's Selling Houses 14:45 Four Rooms 15:45 Countdown 16:30 1001 Things You Should Know 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 22:00 Mary Queen of the High Street 23:00 Shameless

May 6

May 7

01:20 CSI: Miami 02:15 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:50 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Mio Mao 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Milkshake! Monkey 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Emergency Bikers 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 The Mystery of Natalie Wood 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Inside Hollywood 20:05 5 News Update 20:05 The Truth About Travellers 21:00 Big Body Squad 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 Body of Proof 23:55 Dallas

The Courier Wednesday TV

May 8

00:05 Live at the Apollo 00:35 What Just Happened? 02:15 Weatherview 02:20 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Animal Frontline 11:30 State Opening of Parliament 2013 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:20 Toughest Place to Be 01:20 James May's Man Lab 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Pompeii: The Mystery of the People Frozen in Time

05:25 Schools - Lilly the Magnificent 05:40 Schools - Joey's First Fight 05:55 Schools - In My Shoes: Germany & the Netherlands 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Animal Frontline 09:15 Saints and Scroungers 10:00 The Great British Sewing Bee 11:00 Deadly 60 on a Mission 11:30 See Hear 12:00 Tiger Bay 13:45 Animal Park 14:30 Weakest Link 15:15 Mastermind 15:45 My Life in Books 16:15 Rewind the 60s 17:00 Life in the Undergrowth 18:00 The Great British Bake Off 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Flog It! 20:00 Nature's Weirdest Events 21:00 Coast 22:00 Bankers 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 01:25 04:00 04:50 06:05 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 Views 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:35 23:40

In Plain Sight Jackpot247 Loose Women ITV Nightscreen The Jeremy Kyle Show Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Rory Bremner's Great British Dickinson's Real Deal ITV Meridian Weather Tipping Point The Chase ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Coronation Street All Star Mr & Mrs Scott & Bailey ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV News Meridian Fast & Furious

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 Ben Earl: Trick Artist 01:15 European Poker Tour 02:10 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:35 Agantuk 04:35 Sailing 05:05 The Grid 05:30 Caterham UK Racing 05:55 Freesports on 4 06:25 FIM Superbike World Championship 06:50 SuperScrimpers 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 11:00 The Secret Millionaire Changed My Life 12:00 Come Dine with Me 12:30 What's Cooking? 13:25 Channel 4 News Midday 13:30 Sarah Beeny's Selling Houses 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 16:30 1001 Things You Should Know 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 10 O'Clock Live 23:55 Random Acts

FAST & FURIOUS Action thriller in which Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, the stars of the first film in the street-racing franchise, reteam. Criminal Dominic Toretto returns to LA to avenge the murder of one of his friends by a drug kingpin, bringing him face to face with an old rival - FBI agent Brian O'Conner.

00:55 CSI: NY 01:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:15 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:50 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Mio Mao 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Frontline Police 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 The Mystery of Natalie Wood 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Frontline Police 21:00 Emergency Bikers 22:00 NCIS 22:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

The Courier Thursday TV

May 9

00:05 Surrogates 01:30 Weatherview 01:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Animal Frontline 12:30 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 Britain's Biggest Hoarders 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time

00:15 Weather 00:20 The Culture Show 01:20 See Hear 01:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Howard Goodall's Story of Music 06:00 Schools: Dance with the Elements

06:30 Schools: Children of World War Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:25 Animal Park 08:10 Coast 08:50 Animal Frontline 09:20 Saints and Scroungers 10:05 Italy Unpacked 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Britain's First Photo Album 14:30 Weakest Link 15:15 Mastermind 15:45 My Life in Books 16:15 Rewind the 60s 17:00 Life in the Undergrowth 18:00 The Great British Bake Off 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Flog It! 20:00 Nature's Weirdest Events 21:00 Bradford: City of Dreams 22:00 The Politician's Husband 23:00 Watson & Oliver 23:30 Newsnight

01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 British Touring Car Championship Highlights 05:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Paul O'Grady: For the Love of Dogs 22:00 Murder on the Home Front 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Vicious

MURDER ON THE HOME FRONT Two-part crime drama set during the Blitz, loosely based on the memoirs of writer Molly Lefebure. When several young women are found murdered, DI Freddy Wilkins believes the obvious suspect is loner Wilfred Ziegler, but Home Office pathologist Lennox Collins and his secretary Molly Cooper have their doubts and employ ground-breaking forensic techniques to ensure the right man is brought to justice

00:00 Secrets of the Shoplifters 01:00 The Repo Man 02:05 Revenge 02:55 Goodbye Lover 04:35 A Place in the Sun 05:30 Countdown 06:15 Deal or No Deal 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 11:00 The Secret Millionaire 12:00 Come Dine with Me 12:30 What's Cooking? 13:25 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:30 Sarah Beeny's Selling Houses 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 16:30 1001 Things You Should Know 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Secret Eaters 22:00 The Repo Man 23:00 Sex on Wheels

00:50 Poker 01:50 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Nick's Quest 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Big Body Squad 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Hotel Inspector 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:20 McBride: Fallen Idol 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Britain's Closest Encounters 21:00 The True Story 22:00 The Ninth Gate

Friday, May 3, 2013

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more. We cater for companies and self-employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

seats. Buggies. Beach Towels. Free local delivery. www.tiptopvillacare.co.uk. E-mail linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Telephone 968566011 Mobile 667848582

CHURCH SERVICES

TIPTOP BABY HOLIDAY CARE, travel cots, highchairs, car and booster

International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276. Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3. Pilar de la Horadada. Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information contact PilarChristian. CommunityChurch@gmail.c om or contact Reverend Eddie on 966769300 or 650509606. Reg No:2009SG/A Good Friday Service at 11 am. at the Church Easter Sunday 11 am. will include a Drama message, please join us The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

AUTO ELECTRICIAN

CARPENTER

AUCTIONS

ANIMALS Pet Travel UK Personalised family pet transporter between Spain/France/UK. Door to door fully accompanied service. Travel overland then on ferries with your pets. No charge for passengers. Pet friendly hotels used if a stop required, All air conditioned vehicles (no vans), DEFRA licence. www.pettraveluk. co.uk UK 0800 612 4922 or Spain 678 756 644 AMERCIAN STANFORD puppy needs a good loving family. 8 weeks old, black with white chest. Very loving and caring. Intelligent and eager to learn. Call 653 12 43 43 (114)

BABY EQUPMENT HIRE

CARS FOR SALE

Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully comprehensive policies at the price of third party! Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS - for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral. Policies available in English and German. Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

OVERSEAS PROPERTY Need a UK base, 2 bed brick built bungalow in Kent for sale. Full c/h. long lease, for more details phone 965696113, e-mail, ronelliott1@hotmail.co.uk £20,000 (115)

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 or 3 bed / 2 bath apartments in San Miguel. Lift, communal rooftop pool &

ALARMS

CATERING

solarium, video entry system. Available for short or long term rent from 350 pcm. Tel 966723437 or 636615716. (116) Ref: 61, A lovely two bedroomed ground floor apartment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swimming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking distance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 33, Ground floor spacious 2 bedroom apartment, located in Torre la Mata. Close to all amenities and beach. 3 month rental €300pcm Call: 965 707 188 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apartment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 702: Beautiful 2 bedroom apartment, located near los Locos beach, beautifully furnished. Short term rentals from 175€ per week. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

El Chaparel/La Siesta Two bedroom apartment in a quiet gated urbanisation for rent €350 per month plus bills. Reference No 17 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS LONG TERM LET TORREVIEJA – 2 bed, park home, aircon, TV, DVD, communal pool and bar. Near Torretta II shops and bars. Close to beach. 250pm + bills. 617 599 470 (113) Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. KBJ3 – Luxury duplex penthouse apartment located near the marina in Guardamar. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, amazing panoramic views, inc.parking and storage. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. CBR21 – A rare chance to rent a frontline beach apartment in Torrevieja! Ground floor with large terrace, 3 bedrooms, 1 bath-

room, direct and full-on sea views. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 CBR27 – Ground floor apartment in closed luxury residential with beautiful communal gardens, pool, 2 beds 1 walk-in shower, redecorated this year. Only 250m walk to beach, inc.parking. 425€ pcm, call 966 923 963 CBR31 – Town centre apartment in Los Montesinos, all amenities nearby, spacious 2 beds 1 bath 250€ pcm, call 966 923 963 Ref. CBR3 – 2 bedroom 2 bathroom townhouse located in Algorfa, communal pool, fully furnished, 300 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. RS20 – 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment within private enclosed residential in San Luis, large terrace, 300 € pcm. 966 923 963 CBR18 – Detached Spanish villa, beachside Punta Prima, 4 bedrooms, garage, 1200 m2 plot, own pool, 900 € pcm. 966 923 963 CBR23 : Stylish new house in Los Montesinos, 3 bed 2 bath with large 65m2 garage, front and back terraces. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963

CAR BREAKERS

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS

Friday, May 3, 2013

Ref. RS90 – 2 bedroom detached villa all on one level, fully furnished, as new! Located in El Raso (Guardamar) 400 €. pcm Tel. 966 923 963

PROPERTY FOR SALE Home and Contents cover Comprehensive policies for house and contents with CASER Seguros - excellent prices for expats; policies available in. Call 966 923 963 for a quote. Torrevieja. Club with 4 bedrooms and bathrooms, large entrance, about 90 m², furnished. Also suitable for office or other commercial, close to Playa de los Locos. Price. €89,000 Phone 686935870 (118) Torrevieja. Well-established restaurant and bar for reasons of age for sale €119,000 Including inventory. 100 m², close to Playa de los Locos. Tel 686935870 (118) Bargain apartment for sale on small community, CALASPARRA. Hardly used. Furnished, views to communal pool, bowling green and gardens. Stunning views from the rooftop solarium. 2 beds, 1 bathroom, Eng tv connected. 10 mins to town, 45 mins Murcia. Reduced to half price 50.000.00 euros. Tel: 676429116 or 07706111997 (eng mob). (117) Ref. BRJ1 – 1 bedroom top floor renovated apartment in San Luis. Great sea and lake views. 55.000 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref: 104Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refurbished apartment in a good central location. Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant

cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 510, €70,000. Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis communal pool. Walking distance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Rare opportunity to purchase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros. Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles. It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground parking, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views. Viewings absolutely essential. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool. Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks projected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula

areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 communal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popular urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant. Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods. Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref 533: Lovely 2 bedroom duplex located in the popular area of Punta Prima, the property has a large lounge and fully equipped kitchen, 2 double bedrooms, one with balcony, bathroom with double shower. €126,000 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005. Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge-Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg. Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons. Greenland Views and all local amenities close by. Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Ref: 520, €80,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off-road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool nearby. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Top floor Duplex. Very good price of 108.000 euros for a quick sale. Furnished to a very high standard, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, Lounge Diner, Glazed in Porch, Large Roof Top Solarium. Choice of Communal Pools, Private Parking. Walking

distance to all amenities and on the First urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant. Viewing essential. Ref No. K44. Tel. 627 711 155 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interior furnishings are top quality, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and graveled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in shower units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Balsares is opposite Gran Alacant where the proposed golf course is now being started so this property will virtually be on the golf course, it is an investment not to be missed. The property is on a small gated

urbanisation of 18 houses with private underground parking for 2 cars and direct access to the house, communal pool and toilets/changing rooms etc. The house is brand new and consists of 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, lounge with working fire place, large kitchen 12 m2, large galleria/ utility room, bedroom balcony and front tiled terrace. This property also has a converted under build for an extra lounge or bedroom. ref K52 €198,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant Opportunity to purchase a beautiful 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed,large kitchen, detached property with rooftop solarium. Well established gardens and drive

way for 2 cars, whilst also overlooking the projected 18 hole golf course. Comprising of fitted wardrobes, utility room, air con H/C, alarm system, electric wall heaters, intercom system, fireplace, ceilings fans, 8x7 gazebo, use of 2 large communal pools, immaculate condition with many extras. ref K12. €180,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant bargain, detached villa with pool on 400m2 plot. Briefly comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, Lounge Diner, independent kitchen, solarium with views, well maintained gardens. Quiet location yet within walking distance of all amenities. Top quality furniture and appliances included in the price. Extras include, mosquito nets, grills, toldos blinds, built in wardrobes, gas fire, electric heating, ceiling fans, English & Spanish TV, tastefully tiled & graveled garden with irrigation system. ref K43. €229,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: KP3100, €183,000. Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool. Garage to side of house. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

Friday, May 3, 2013

Gran Alacant South facing attractive corner house Situated in the sought after urbanization of Monte Faro, this secure gated urbanization offers a stunning oasis pool, with mountain views, tennis courts and football courts. Consisting of 3 double beds with balconies, 2 bathrooms, kitchen leading onto court yard which can easily be converted into an extra room, lounge diner with working fireplace, front garden with private parking for 2 cars. Being sold fully furnishes with white goods, built in 2006 so immaculate condition hardly lived in. Ref K48 €168,000 priced for quick sale Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Large detached villa with beautiful gardens set on 550m2 plot, built in BBQ area and large 10x6 pool.Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner with fire place, Independent Kitchen, air con H/C, Solarium, front porch, converted under build with 3 extra rooms, private covered parking, irrigated gardens, close distance to beach and amenities. Ref. K18 €250,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant beautiful

detached villa with very large pool and within walking distance to the Gran Alacant Commercial Centre. This villa comprised of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, lounge-diner, Independent kitchen, roof top storage, solarium, porch & terrace. Large private pool, BBQ area, established gardens and private terraces, Private Parking, Solarium with Views to Alicante. 450m2 plot, fully furnished including white goods. Located in very quiet desirable road. ref.L96. €255,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant Gem! Fabulous detached Villa, with Alicante sea views to the front and wood land views to the rear, means this immaculate villa is very private and un-overlooked. Comprising of 2 large bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 2 bath, large fully equipped kitchen,glazed porch sitting area, solarium, Attractive Pool with cover, well maintained Gardens. Central Heating, Air Con, Ceiling fans, Private Parking, Alarm system, Decorative working Fire Place complete with electric Fire. Outdoor workshop/storage area, Quality Pergola & BBQ. Constructed in 2006, on plot size of 380m2 and being sold fully furnished including white goods. ref L80. €234,995 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Rare investment!! corner south facing opportunity on Novamar

ELECTRICIAN

urbanisation.This immaculate ground floor duplex has been kept and maintained to a very high standard inside and out the position is fantastic, enjoys views over the lovely oasis communal pool, surrounded by lawned gardens. Comprising of plot size 100m2 Build Size 90m2, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, fully furnished, AntiGlare Windows, Security Door, Security Grills, Built-in Wardrobes, Extra Storage, Galleria, Electric Panel Heaters, Heated Towel Rails, Air Con (h&c), Ceiling. Fans. Thermo Shower, Vanity Units and decoratively tiled throughout, exquisite garden, Underground private parking. Ref.K10 €139,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Situated in the central area of Gran Alacant and within walking distance to all local amenities such as a selection of different cuisine restaurants, bars, pharmacies, banks, popular GA market and Carabassi Beach. Comprises of 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms with a private garage and roof-top solarium. This property is part of a small urbanization which has the use of a large decorative communal pool. Ref.

PETS

K36 €149,000 Tel 680333242 Ground floor duplex, with splendid views. Quiet location in Gran Alacant. Immaculate condition. Price has just been reduced to 105.000 and includes everything. For viewing call 627 711 155 Ref. No K27 Gran Alacant detached villa with converted under build and pool. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge- Diner, Front Porch, Large Solarium, decoratively tiled, Irrigated Garden. BBQ and Log Storage Cupboard. Raised walls for Privacy. Also many extras, toldos blinds, freshly decorated interior, Grills, Mosquito Nets, Air Con H/C, Ceiling Fans, Log Burner Fire, Electric Radiators, Heated Towel Rails, Alarmed, Phone Line, Satellite UK TV, private parking. Plot size 310m2 under build 100m2. price includes all furniture.The under build consists of 2 beds, lounge, kit/utility room. ref L79. €250,000 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant immaculate outstanding south facing villa in sought after road. Set on a 350m2 plot with 4 bedrooms, 3 baths,large porch, solarium and terraces. The large under build includes a lounge, kitchen, bedrooms, bathroom and patio doors leading to pool area. Internal & external access for under build. Extras include electric radiators, air con H/C, ceiling fans, gas fire, heated towel rails, extended walk-in shower, fitted wardrobes. Decorative tiling inside and

out. Panoramic views towards Alicante Bay, Sky TV, phone line and Internet & Private parking, established gardens, water features and fruit trees. Being sold with exquisite furniture and all white goods. Immaculate finishes and decor. ref L84. €278,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge-diner, independent kitchen, full roof-top solarium with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appliances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter-

race, and private parking. The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, tennis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul-de-sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gardens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,private parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref. L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more. 125.000 Euros Ref No. K23. Tel. 627 711 155

KITCHENS

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PARTY PLANNING

DAMP PROOFING

PLUMBERS

DRAINAGE

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Friday, May 3, 2013 Gran Alacant, Situated front line to the famous blue flag beaches of Carabassi, the real beauty of this property is its proximity to the beach, but also on offer is a fantastic communal pool situated in beautifully kept gardens with little Spanish walk ways.Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, American style kitchen including all appliances, roof top solarium with stunning views, front porch area with front garden and a secure underground garage. fully furnished Ref. K23 €125,000 rare opportunity Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant limited edition villa, not very often available on the market. Only a few of this type were ever constructed- Very large 5 bedrooms, 4 bathroom(2 ensuit) property, situated on a large corner plot with a 10 x 5 private pool and private parking. Lounge-diner with working fireplace, fully equipped kitchen with utility room. Large landing area,

REMOVALS

leading onto solarium, with extra storage external room. Front porch area leading into large well established gardens with irrigation system and fruit trees. Being sold fully furnished. Within walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and 5 minute drive to Carabassi beaches. ref. K11. €270,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant South facing attractive corner house Situated in the sought after urbanization of Monte Faro, this secure gated urbanization offers a stunning oasis pool, with mountain views, tennis courts and football courts. Consisting of 3 double beds with balconies, 2 bathrooms, kitchen leading onto court yard which can easily be converted into an extra room, lounge diner with working fireplace, front garden with private parking for 2 cars. Being sold fully furnishes with white goods, built in 2006 so immaculate condition hardly lived in. Ref K48 €168,000 priced for quick sale Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Ground floor south west facing apartment in Puerto Marino close to G.A commercial centre, comprising of 2 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Lounge-Diner, Independent Kitchen with Galleria, Porch area and large tiled front garden, The property is being sold fully

furnished and includes all kitchen appliances, H & C Air con is fitted as well as sky TV. The apartment enjoys the use of 2 large communal pools and has private parking in an enclosed electronically gated car park. Competitively priced for a quick sale. Ref. K40 €91,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant Limited edition bungalow. Only six of this type available in Gran Alacant. Constructed in 2003 and immaculately maintained on a large plot size of 500m2 with a 10 x 5 pool.Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge-diner leading out onto front porch, independent kitchen including white goods, outside galleria, court yard, large garage with electric door, roof top solarium and private parking. Also built in wardrobes, Toldos blinds, air con H/C, security grills, alarm, security doors, bathrooms heaters, outside toilet, outdoor lighting, irrigation system, attractive and well kept gardens, beautifully tiled inside and out, fire place, English TV, phone line. Being sold with top quality furniture. ref L95. €275,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant large detached

villa with 3 double bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge-diner, fully equipped kitchen, large porch, roof top solarium, 400 m2 Plot, with established low maintenance very private gardens with irrigation system, electronic gates, private parking, outside wc, sink & shower, terraces, air con ( h & c ), mosquito nets, grills, alarmed, large spa pool with separate Jacuzzi section. Within easy walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and close to local bus and tram route. Ref K33. €260,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working fire place, brand new kitchen with all appliances and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, established irrigated gardens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a converted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished. Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south-facing, very private villa, with wood-

RAG AND BONE

land and Alicante views. Situated at the end of a small cul-de-sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge-diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and storage in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of outside parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

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Friday, May 3, 2013

Greenside Gossip SEVE’S GREEN DREAM SCENE

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

LAST week I was very fortunate to be invited to play at Las Pinaillas Golf. near Albacete. Having played there some years previously I was really looking forward to it. The par-72 course, designed by Severiano Ballesteros, opened in 2002. It is 6,250 metres long and located in the middle of an excellent natural setting surrounded by pine and olive trees (without housing development). This one is a little bit special; lush green fairways, slick contoured greens which test the skills of most golfers and force you to try to emulate the master to keep the ball on the green. Not only is Las Pinaillas (pictured) a dream to play, but there are many attractive water features around the course. So if your game is on the worrying side, then you do have something nice to look at. But it does not end there; the clubhouse must be one of the most attractive in Spain, built on one level with dry stone walling featuring as the main construction. Its modern spacious interior and cane furniture on the terrace are a real delight. When you walk into the lounge you are confronted with large picture windows that provide a panoramic view over the course. Although it is a two-hour drive for most people, it is

well worth a visit; they have good rates which include a coach (autobus) from La Zenia or a designated pickup point. Try it, I know you will not be disappointed. We will be going again in the not-too-distant future.

TWO FACED FRAUD

A FRIEND of mine has one of those chipper clubs

TITTER ON THE TEE A man gets home from his Saturday golf and is confronted by his wife who says. “I was cleaning our son’s room and found this sado-masochist magazine”. Slowly he flicks through the pictures of leather dominatrix and whips before handing it back to his wife, disappointed that his son has not got Golf World, and not saying a word. “Come on!” she says, exasperated. “What should we do about this?” He looks back at her solemnly. “Well,” he says. “I don’t think you should spank him”

KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION In a stroke play competition, a player plays his tee shot on a Par 3 hole into the rough. He decides to play a provisional that falls just short of the green. He searches for the ball within the three minute limit, finds a ball and plays it onto the green. On the way to the green he picks up his provisional ball and puts it into his pocket. When he reaches the green he realises he has played the wrong ball. He returns to the rough but does not find his original ball. A) Where does he play his next shot and …. B) What is his score for this hole if his next shot finishes a short distance from the hole and he sinks the putt? ANSWER A) From the position where he picked up his provisional ball (position in agreement with his card maker as it was not marked). B) Final score 8 The reason is as follows: The provisional was three off the Tee, plus a two shot penalty for playing the wrong ball, plus a one shot penalty for moving a ball in play. The next shot is his seventh to within a short putt from the hole. So he holes out for 8.

with two faces and it comes in handy when he has those difficult up-against-a- tree left-hand shots. I mentioned to him that they are illegal or could it be that it constitutes an extra club, pushing him over the 14-club limit? But he did not believe me, so I thought everyone should be aware of these fraudulent clubs. Those players who have found them a heaven-sent item will be upset to learn that they do not count as two, but they are illegal. The R & A even have a rule just for such clubs in the section “Decisions on the Rules of Golf”. Decision 41/3 “Status of a Chipper” reads: A Chipper is an iron club designed primarily for use off the putting green, generally with a loft greater than 10. As most players adopt a putting stroke when using a Chipper there can be a tendency to design the club as if it was a Putter. So there lies the problem – the Putter enjoys certain exemptions from the rules that irons do not. The Equipment Standards department of the R & A explained that any club that has a loft of more than 10 would not be regarded as a Putter, it would be an iron

club. The fact that Chippers are not Putters means that they must conform to the rules laid down for irons. This is a common error that both players and manufacturers make; because Chippers are used close to the green they get categorised as Putters. The exception under Appendix II 4c doesn’t apply to Chippers. This states:The clubhead must have only one striking surface except that a Putter can have two (Bulls Eye Putters for example) if their characteristics are the same, and they are opposite each other. So why the exception? It’s basically put in to recognise

that you have all these Bullseye Putters which have been around for quite a long time. It is also important that if Chippers are classed as irons and they have grooves, the grooves must conform; some have addons, these are OK for Putters but not for irons. Then there is the grip; if it is a Putter grip with a flat surface on the front, then this is also not allowed for

irons, it must have a circular grip. So you may ask how do these Chippers, which are non-conforming, end up on the shelves? Well manufacturers are not obliged to submit clubs for approval although they are encouraged to do so, so that a formal decision can be made by the R & A so players are not in a position after they have bought them, find that they do not conform. Ultimately, it is the manufacturer responsibility to check that its products fall within the laws of the game as Appendix II of the rules makes clear: If manufacturers fail to submit a sample or to wait a ruling before manufacturing and/or market a club, the manufacturer assumes the risk of a ruling that the club does not conform to the rules. The penalty for using such a club in a medal round is disqualification for the breach of Rule 4 1a. The thought of losing to someone wielding a chipper is bad enough for some golfers though their opinions on the club are usually misguided. But losing at the hands of a non-conforming club is even harder to bear. (But I am not suggesting that all chippers are illegal). The problem is that double-sided Chippers make great sense aiding an escape when the ball is up against a tree or wall. Are there any alternatives? Well you could find a double sided chipper with 9.5 of loft on two identical sides. But you would have to convince the R & A that the club was designed for use on the putting green. But I am not sure if such a club exists. So I guess the only real solution is to keep practising the reverse type shots with irons or perhaps the toe end of your putter.

Friday, May 3, 2013

FOG ON THE TYNE -AND WEAR

A CHILL wind blows in from the North Sea on Tyneside, as Pardew and Paolo both get six of the best! Superior Sunderland soon stopped sniggering on Monday evening, following neurotic neighbours Newcastle getting nuked 6 – 0 at home on Saturday by surging, Suarez-less Liverpool (see Scousers - lo, life beyond Luis). The Black Cats themselves were then badly clawed 6 -1 by a Christian Benteke-inspired Aston Villa. You Sunderland supporters stunned? Somehow I wouldn’t like to have been in the Black Cats’ dressing room after that Villa defeat, I bet that Paolo Di Canio can be a nasty piece of work when riled. Did you hear his wife thinks

he’s having an affair with a country girl? He keeps coming home with grass stains on his knees… Where were we – oh yes, the roller-coaster world of Sunderland. Brilliant wins against those nasty Newcastle neighbours, followed up by a ‘no-flash-inthe-panio’ hard fought victory over no-mugs Everton, only

then to be vanquished violently by Villa. Following Stephane Sessegnon’s sending-off in that match Sunderland’s appeal against his three-match ban failed – ooh-er, could that be significant? Psssst – Sunderland still got Stoke, Southampton and Spurs – sweaty… Erm….what’s suddenly gone wrong at St James’ Park? Stats you want? That was Newcastle's heaviest defeat at St James's Park for 87 years. It looked after Djemba Ba had taken his amazing scoring boots to Chelsea that the frog-legged Magpies had come through the crisis and were looking formidaaable again, but there are rumours of le dissent breaking out in the Foreign Legion. They say nine of the first team speak French as their first language, so for ‘why aye’ read ‘mais oui’. Now being garlic

– I mean gallic - doesn’t mean you’re a bad team, but clearly something’s not right. Is it at the top? The Geordie fans I know are not happy with ‘Alain’ Pardew, and I have to say there’s a few West Ham, Charlton and Southampton fans who don’t speak too glowingly of his past efforts either. Newcastle are in a very dangerous position, especially if Wigan gerrout their escapology manual again. Geordie gem quote? Alan Shearer: ‘From Newcastle's point of view, you would think in the first home game since the heavy defeat against rivals Sunderland, that they would start the game like a house on fire. There was none of that. There was no spirit, hunger or desire and it was an embarrassing day for Newcastle. They signed a lot of players in January and, for the first month, they enjoyed being in the Premier League and played really well. For the last two or three months we haven't seen them at all.’ Newcastle’s silly season,

ELCHE DRAW NEARER TO LA LIGA Elche

Girona

ALL things considered, a point gained on Sunday against the form team, second-placed Girona, was a valuable one in the promotion run-in. Elche were without their injured stalwart centre back Peligrin, while upfront Angel was suspended for his red card last week.

Despite not scoring the Illicitanos played much better than of late, with the defence superb as usual. Elche stay top by eight from Alcorcon, who beat Xerez 2 – 1, and a crucial nine over opponents Girona for automatic promotion. Six to play - next week’s another big one as Elche are away to Villarreal. Mucho Elche!

Red-card rage costs Monte again Cd Montesinos 1 Sporting San Miguel CF 4

MONTE goalkeeper Lopez gave the opposition a goal start after five minutes when he failed to hold onto a soft shot and let the ball roll into the path of an incoming forward, writes HOWARD YEATS. During the next 10 minutes Monte hit the crossbar, had a fierce shot well saved and saw another just fly over the top. Then they were hit on the break saw a simple cross netted by San Miguel's unmarked centre forward.

Kings kudos so will be in a mean mood, and if it comes to it – and it might – you wouldn’t fancy Newcastle’s chances of winning to stay up. Just to put a bit of spice in it, Pardew and Arsene Wenger don’t get on, they’ve got form those two, goes back a bit. Oh, and just one more sobering thought for the moustachioed Toon Army – what happened in December at the Emirates? Arsenal won 7 – 3! Haway les hommes!

EVERY DAY’S A FOOTBALL DAY May 6th 1972 Leeds United beat Arsenal 1-0 to win the Centenary FA Cup final (although not the 100th final because of breaks for the War). 7th 1966 Everton come from 2-0 down to beat Sheffield Wednesday 3-2. The final is equally well remembered for one of English football’s finest pitch invasions - Eddie Cavanagh cavorting and dancing around the pitch before being ‘tackled’ by the police. 8th 1990 Boyhood Wolves fan Sir Jack Hayward buys the club for £2.1m 9th 1936 Bernard Joy becomes the last amateur player to represent England, making his one and only appearance for his country. 10th 1995 Nayim, the former Spurs midfielder, scores with a 40 yard lob over Arsenal’s David Seaman to win the Cup Winners’ Cup final for Real Zaragoza. 11th 1985 The Valley Parade disaster claims the lives of 56 people in Bradford. 12th 1979 For 85 minutes the FA Cup Final between Arsenal and Manchester United was one of the dullest ever. Then in the final 300 ticks of a ref’s watch, it became one of the most talked about as United first fought back from 2-0, only for Alan Sunderland to score a dramatic late winner. Compiled by STUART EVANS

Sevens heaven

Monte immediately made a double substitution and Edu set up an easy chance for Vaz to reduce the deficit.They continued to dominate only for indiscipline to once again cost them dear as M&A was sent off for swearing at the referee. With two minutes left San Miguel sealed the result on the ITV Orihuela RFC, last year’s Alicante 7’s circuit chambreak - then rubbed salt into the wound by scoring a fourth pions, pitted their skills against the Murcia region at the weekend. Their first game was against the hosts and with the last kick of the game Orihuela ran out comfortable winners, with both Alvaro and Alvin showing their quick turn of speed to rake up plenty of tries. Orihuela went on to beat both the Murcia XV and Cartagena, then came back from two tries down in their final game to beat Albacete. end. Two classic Koeman strikes and an inventive 40-yard chip Their only defeat came against the invitation team from Villanueva gave Torry a decisive victory and as good from Almeria, who were by far the best team on the day. But Orihuela pushed them all the way. Next round of the as secured their division three status for another year. This is the kind of performance and result that has been 7’s League is in San Javier this weekend. expected from the Salineros all season and although it is The recently-formed Orihuela ladies team joined up now the final month of the season, it is pleasing to see the with Almeria to gain their first experience of match team play with such desire and exuberance. At the weekend rugby - and beat Albacete 3-0, but went down to the they travel to Llosa, then the final home match kicks off at same score against Cuder. In the next game they beat 5pm on Sunday 12 May when fans will be entertained with Cartagena with Yessenia scoring a hat-trick of tries, only music, ice cream, refreshments and the presentation of the to lose their final match against Escualos For all things rugby, call Garry on 692 767 242. Torry Army Player of the year before kick-off.

A TASTE OF THE TORRY-FIC!

TORRY drew 0-0 at Borriol at the weekend when they were clearly the better side, but Carles in the home goal was unbeatable, denying Dani, Cuco Ros and Koeman, writes JEFF SCOTT. Torry deserved more than a point but ended the month unbeaten with two wins and two draws, Pepitiu making his debut for Torry in goal and keeping a clean sheet. On Wednesday evening Torry hosted third-placed Elche Ilicitano, many pundits’ fancy to win the group and boasting the meanest defence in the league. Despite their skill and obvious talent, Torry denied them clear cut chances, whilst running them ragged at the other

and probably Pardew’s future now hangs in a London direction, starting on Saturday away to West Ham: Samsammers are going well at the mo. Next the Magpies are also away to ‘Doomed Cap’n Mainwaring’ Quite Properly Relegated, and anything could happen there. Finally… yes, agreed, at home (but then, so was Liverpool) the Tynesiders have the final game of the season against – guess who – Arsenal! The Gunners are chasing Europe and Capital

Friday, May 3, 2013

LIONEL BARE

Witout the genius of Lionel Messi, Barcelona had no answer to the Bayern team Pep Guardiola (above) will take over next season from Jupp Heynckes (right)

No Messi, so messy as Bayern waltz into final

GOOD job Barca are running away with La Liga, Bayern blew ‘em away 3 – 0 in the second leg of the Champions league, that’s 7 – 0 over the two legs. Without Lionel Messi, Barcelona looked decidedly ordinary. Ironically the original creator of this fading Spanish team, Pep Guardiola, has now joined Bayern Munich– but why? Looks like he should be going back to Barca! Congratulations to Borussia Dortmund, who put Real Madrid out of the other semi-final with a really battling second leg. If you missed it, the match was a cracker; Real, trying to reverse a 4 – 1 first leg deficit, scored two late goals to set up a frantic finish, but the better team overall won. It sets up an exhibition of the best of German football in the final at Wembley on May 25: if the semis were anything to go by, we’re in for a cracker. My head says Bayern, but my heart says Borussia. Game on! This Sunday morning take the missus to the market, or church, whatever, but don’t miss out on Soooper Sunday afternoon, ‘cos it’s a belter. The ‘Mairseyside’ derby at 1.30 will test Luis-less Liverpool (who nuked neurotic Newcastle 6 - 0, see over) against an Everton side who’ve proved yet again this year what a great manager David Moyes is, withstanding all the pres-

sure on a tight budget to still finish in the top six. The Reds would be a great scalp for local bragging rights, although I have to say Maroanne Fellaini’s a bit disappointing these days - he was mustard early doors this sensational season, remember? After t’Derby you’ve then just got time to walk the dog before Manchester United take on Chelsea at 4pm. Remember Clattengate in October? This is the return - and there’s a lot at stake. The beleaguered Interim One is doing well, all things considered, with some excellent results of late including being in the last four of the also-rans Europa Cup. But taking on the new Champions in their own back yard is a big call. London Pride is all important for the unofficial Capital Cup to finish third. By the time Chelsea play United, Arsenal should have put Quite Properly Relegated in their place (down), but will Tottenham have done the same against a lively Southampton side? Those same Saints will want to put last week’s 3

John McGregor reports

– 0 catastrophe against West Brom behind them, but the Baggies have done really well this season, what with O Dim Winger and all. They entertain wacky Wigan which will tell us a lot about ‘ooguzdown with Reading ‘n Rangers. You have to say it won’t be Aston Villa, but I wouldn’t wanna be Paul Lambert’s cardiologist. What’s happened to Darren Bent? He could have helped old boss Harry Redknapp down in Mercenary Mansions. Hey, Harry’s staying apparently – watch this space for the movers moving and the shakers falling out….Mad Mercenary May sales? The challenging Championship finalises on Saturday, with Champions Cardiff away to secondplaced Hull. The Tigers are only a point ahead of Watford, themselves away to Leeds for that automatic second place. Neither will want the lottery of the playoffs, which already contain Brighton but the other two places will be sorted on Saturday. Crystal Palace need something against relegation-haunted Peterborough, but the remaining place is between Bolton, Forest and Leicester, the latter two play each other at the City Ground. Bolton need to beat Blackpool at home, but if they slip up the East Midlands decider could play a part. Hmm...