The Courier Week 118 by TKO UK

Edition 118

www.thecourier.es

Friday, May 24, 2013

CORVERA: SEE YOU IN COURT!

Jinxed Corvera airport delayed again! By Alex Trelinski

INSIDE TODAY

It’s going to be at least another year before the new Murcia International Airport at Corvera sees any planes flying in or out it. A war of words between the Murcian government and the operating consortium, Aeromur, is set to go to court, with the government looking to scrap its contract with them. Reports suggest that the administration wants to re-advertise the operating tender and they are confident of at least three bidders entering the contest. Aeromur is said to have wanted the government to underwrite any early operating losses, which they refused to do, with the President, Ramon Luis Valcarcel saying on Monday that it would be

“illegal to do so”. Meanwhile, the PSOE and IU opposition parties have linked up with the trade unions in Murcia to attack the government’s part in what they view as a “badly funded and bungled project”. The Public Works Minister, Antonio Sevilla, has launched legal action to end the government contract with Aeromur, on the basis that the consortium

breached their contract by not having Corvera operational by July of last year. The consortium had asked for an extension which would have seen them through to a scheduled opening of the airport by the end of this September, along with a plea for further financial help from the Murcia government. “The contract has not been fulfilled”, said Sevilla, “and we are determined to

get the airport open as soon as possible in the interests of everybody in the Murcia region”. An Aeromur spokesman said that one of the problems in trying to open Corvera was the fact that the Spanish Airport Authority, AENA, had refused to close the existing Murcian facility at San Javier, and had been put obstacles in the way for a move.

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Friday, May 24, 2013

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96 692 1003 679 096 309 965 99 66 66 E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Alex Trelinski CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Janine 616 332 178 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes Heidi Wardman John McGregor

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Picture of the Week

JUNGLE DRUMS

This picture was taken at Lorcha (L'Orxa) by ALISON HARRISON of Urb El Raso, Guardamar. It is an iphiclides podalirius, (papilionidae species), also known as the Scarce Swallowtain, the Sail Swallowtail or Peartree Swallowtail.

CALLOSA Farm thieves foiled CRUELTY Six Moroccans, accused of robbing farms, have been arrested by the Guardia Civil in Elche, Lorca, and Cieza. The gang carried out their activities throughout the Alicante Province and Murcia, as well as other regions of Spain. The stolen goods would then be taken by land or sea, and sold on in Morocco.

The Guardia say that some 27 robberies were committed, with the men being charged with burglary, forgery, and vehicle theft. The gang specialised in stealing agricultural machinery as well as water pumps and generators. Stolen vans were adapted to take the goods, including having their rear seats taken out, with items

moved to a house in Denia. An Almoradi bar was also used for some of the gang meetings. Many of the thefts were carried in the early morning when the rural areas were especially quiet, and the Guardia say that they are not ruling out any further arrests in that they describe as “an on-going operation”.

ELCHE’S streets were a sea of green and white on Sunday, as thousands of fans turned out to celebrate the club’s return to La Liga after a gap of 24 years. Despite losing at Almeria earlier that day, Elche had a big enough lead at the top of table to make sure that they couldn’t be lose an automatic promotion spot, even with three games remaining. With other results going their way, the celebrations got going after the players

returned from Almeria. An open top bus snaked its way around Elche’s streets, ending with balcony appearances from the players at the Town Hall. It was all in stark contrast to last season when Elche blew a big lead at the top of the Segunda Division, and then suffered heartbreak in the play-off decider at the hands of Granada. Meanwhile, Elche City Council are looking to make hay from all of the success

by linking up with the football club to offer special tour packages based on the city, aimed at supporters of visiting teams like Barcelona and Real Madrid. These packages will include match tickets, as well as prebooked accommodation and restaurants, with different rates and places being offered to suit all budgets.

ELCHE CELEBRATES

SEVEN chained-up greyhounds, along with six other dogs have been rescued from some old swimming pools in Callosa de Segura. The rescue was led by volunteers from the APADAC animal rescue charity after the police in Callosa were tipped off, and called them in last weekend. It appeared that the dogs had been left abandoned for days, without food and water, and consequently suffering from malnutrition

and dehydration. They were also full of fleas and ticks. According to the APADAC, the animals had gone through a frightening experience and were also finding it difficult to have contact with humans. They’re safe and getting better in the APADAC kennels in Callosa, which opened just over six months ago. Now, the organisation is now trying to find new homes for them all.

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DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines? What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap-

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

Friday Sunny High 21° Low 14° Chance of rain 0% Monday Partly cloudy High 22 Low 14° Chance of rain 20%

Tuesday Partly cloudy High 24° Low 15° Chance of rain 20%

Saturday Sunny High 23° Low 14° Chance of rain 0% Wednesday Sunny High 25° Low 16° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Partly cloudy High 21° Low 14° Chance of rain 0% Thursday Sunny High 24° Low 18° Chance of rain 0%

Friday, May 24, 2013

NO SURRENDER TO TERROR SAYS CAM

BOTH suspects in the killing of a serving soldier in London were known to security services, senior Whitehall sources have confirmed to the BBC. One of the suspects is understood to be 28-year-old Muslim convert Michael Adebolajo. He and another man are under arrest in hospital after being shot by police after Wednesday's attack in Woolwich. Prime Minister David Cameron has said the UK will "never give in to terror or terrorism". Shortly after the killing a man, thought to be Mr Adebolajo, was filmed by a passerby, saying he carried out the attack because British soldiers killed Muslims every day.

Sources said reports the men had featured in "several investigations" in recent years - but were not deemed to be planning an attack - "were not inaccurate". They confirmed one of the suspects was intercepted by police last year while leaving the country. Speaking outside 10 Downing Street yesterday, Mr Cameron said: "One of the best ways of defeating terrorism is to go about our normal lives." He said there was no justification in Islam for the attacks, which were "solely and purely" the responsibility of the individuals involved. Officers raided a flat yesterday morning, which is believed to belong to one of the

RIDDLE OF MURCIA VANISHING ACT

A DUTCH Olympic athlete and her boyfriend have gone missing in Murcia. Volleyball player, Ingrid Visser, 35, and her partner, Lodewijk Severein, were last seen in Murcia on Monday May 13th, and the search for them has gone nationwide. The couple were due to fly back to Holland the following Wednesday. Police have found no trace of them after an appeal from worried family members with their luggage still at their Murcia hotel. The Fiat Panda car hired by the couple, from Alicante Airport, was found last Tuesday afternoon (May 21st) in the centre of Murcia. There’s been no activity on their bank cards or their mobile phones, and security footage from the hotel has pro-

duced nothing of interest. Relatives became concerned after Visser failed to turn up to a hospital appointment in Spain. She spent time playing for CAV Murcia between 2010 and 2012, before retiring from international

volleyball last year. Family spokesman, Miriam Van der Velde said:-“It’s strange that something like this should happen like this, as the couple really got on well with each other. They didn’t seem to have any problems either in Holland or Spain. The families have no idea as to what might have happened. “ The National Police, in co-operation with the Dutch Police and Embassy, are keeping all options open in their investigations.

attackers on a Greenwich housing estate. Neighbours said two sisters in their 30s, an older woman and a teenage boy were taken away in a police van. An address in Saxilby, Lincolnshire, was also searched in connection with the attack. Witnesses said the soldier, who at the wish of his family has still not been named, was attacked on Wednesday afternoon with knives and a cleaver in Artillery Place, near Woolwich Barracks, by two men shouting Allahu Akbar (God is Great). The men made

no attempt to flee and encouraged people to take pictures of them and the victim. The Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, said it would be wrong to blame the killing on either Islam or British foreign policy. Visiting the scene, Mr Johnson said: "Plainly this was a horrific incident. Everything that I have seen and heard leads me to conclude two things: that those guilty will be brought speedily to justice and second, I have no doubt that Londoners can go about their lives a normal way."

HOTTING UP

Midweek temperatures across the region leapt up by an average of 6 degrees Celsius on Wednesday, after a cool wet start to the week. Rojales and Orihuela reported average highs of 25 degrees, with a mild and mainly dry weekend expected over most of the area, and average temperatures of around 22 degrees.

A 30 year old man died after a truck accident in the Oriheula area on Monday night. The truck lost control on the A7 route as it tipped over, with no other vehicle being involved. One of the passengers suffered minor injuries, but the 30 year old had a serious injury head, and died in Alicante Hospital on Tuesday.

Brits still first, but the Russians are coming!

Britain is still the number one foreign home buying nation in the Valencian region, but only just! The Russians seem set to take over the top slot in the next year, and are already the big boys in the south, having invested some 877 million Euros in property in the region since 2010.

Official figures put the Brit buyers at 2, 286 houses for last year, but the Russians are just behind at 2,016, with the Norwegians trailing third with 1,467. The Russian figure has doubled though, compared to three years ago, with Alicante Province the biggest share of buyers from that country, which is

well ahead there of any other foreign purchaser. The greatest number of house sales in the Valencian region was in Torrevieja, with 1,327 foreign buys, followed by Orihuela on 483. In complete contrast, last year saw only 229 overseas buyers in Benidorm.

PHISING STOPPED FOR OLD CLONER An 82 year old Alicante woman has been arrested and charged with being involved in a credit card cloning operation that illegally made three of a quarter of a million Euros. According to the police, she was involved in sending money out of Spain, as part of the fraud. An additional arrest was made in Mallorca, as part of an on-going operation which saw five arrests late last year

Friday, May 24, 2013

On track

The first tests of the high speed (AVE) train between Alicante and Albacete have been made this week. Top speeds of around 330km/s an hour were logged, but that was without any passengers, and using a special test train. The AVE Alicante to Madrid service is scheduled to begin next month, with a top speed restricted, for safety reasons, to 230 km/s an hour in the stretch between Alicante and Albacete

Patience needed in Guardamar switch Rojales patients will have to go to Guardamar if they’re getting out-patient rehabilitation care. That’s the price of fitting out a new rehabilitation centre in the town, with temporary transfers of all appointments to Guardamar starting on Monday June 3rd. No details have been given as to how long the work in Rojales will take. The Town Hall has said that any patients who have no transport to get them to Guardamar, should get in touch with them as soon as possible, so that they can make alternative arrangements.

DEATH AT THE ALAMO A 68 year old British woman was killed and her passengers injured in a head on collision last Tuesday lunchtime. The tragedy happened close to Fuente Alamo, north-west of Cartagena on the E12 Balsapintada road, with two cars involved. The 68 year old was trapped in her car, along with a mother and her 2 year old baby girl. The fourth passenger was a 63 year old woman. The other vehicle had a 27 year old male driver, who suffered multiple injuries and a badly damaged left knee.

Fire crews from Cartagena as well as the Murcia Ambulance Service helped at the scene, where they had to free the mother and baby trapped in the first car, but were unable to save the life of the 68 year old woman. The injured were taken to the Santa Lucia Hospital in Cartagena, with the baby being given a full bill of health, with her mother suffering injuries to one of her kidneys. The 63 year old passenger got a broken wrist in the accident, of which the cause is not yet known

Ryanair has been celebrating record profits despite big rises in fuel. The low cost air carrier, which has services out of Alicante and San Javier, said that profits for last year had gone up by 13% and that passenger numbers had risen by 5%, with

BAGS OF TROUBLE? CABIN luggage travellers with low cost airline, Easyjet, could be caught out with new rules starting on Tuesday July 2nd, just in time for the busy summer season. With more people just taking one item on board with them, the company has come up with a new maximum size that is actually less generous than that allowed by their rival, Ryanair. That apparently is happening to speed things up, and travellers in a hurry might find themselves with an unwanted delay once they get to their destination. From July, the maximum dimensions allowed to guarantee the luggage being kept in the cabin will be 50cms by 40cms by 20cms. But if it is a maximum of 56cms by 45cms by 25cms, then it might have to be put in the hold, if the plane is full of travellers. There’s no charge for

that, but it will mean a wait at a baggage carousel once you arrive at your destination, and also a security issue if you don’t have a lock. Overhead storage space has become more of a premium on all low cost carriers with a limited amount of locker space paired with a rising number of flyers choosing the cheaper option of just taking hand luggage. Few cabin bags actually meet the new guaranteed figures offered by Easyjet, with a recent survey from the UK Consumer Association only having three manufacturers including Samsonite, making the new grade.

Jellyfish stung

The jellyfish season is back for the Costa Blanca and Costa Calida, and that means tough action to stop swimmers being stung in the major tourist resorts. From Saturday 1st June, some 43 kilometres of netting is going to be laid across the Mar Menor, which will allow bathers the luxury of enjoying the warm waters without the risk of being stung during the key summer period. The nets are being paid for by the Murcia Government at a cost of close to 600 thousand Euros, and they’ll be kept in place until the end of September. 12 fishing boats from San Pedro will also be used cut down on the number of jellyfish in un-netted areas. A research vessel, Biomur, will also carry out a jellyfish survey for the Spanish Oceanographic Institute.

Rare behind the scenes peek at San Javier As the problems continue to mount up for the unopened Corvera airport, there’s a unique opportunity to look behind the scenes at one that actually is operating in Murcia. The San Javier Airport and Military Academy are right next to Santiago de Ribera, and as part of the town’s 125th anniversary celebrations, special permission has been given to have a look around the training centre for the Spanish Air Force and the home of the Spanish equivalent of the UK Red Arrows, “The Eagle Patrol”. Special registration(which includes passport and residencia details) has to be done in advance at the Tourist Office in San Javier, where visits to the Airport have been organised for this Friday(May 31st), and the following two Fridays. For more details, call the Office on 968 571 704

Ryanair flies in face of recession

nearly 80 million people using their flights. Ryanair’s outspoken chief executive, Michael O’ Leary said that the figures during a recession were “a testimony to the strength of Ryanair’s ultra-low cost model”.

O’Leary warned that growth would be slower over the next year because of still rising oil prices; too much European Union bureaucracy; and Spanish airport charges. He said that 45% of the total costs for Ryanair were purely down to fuel costs.

BOOMING BENIDORM The ill wind of recession is blowing some good in the direction of Benidorm. The popular resort has reported an excellent May so far, and it’s all down to more Spanish people staying there. Figures from the local Hotel association suggest May occupancy levels that have not been matched in a decade, with a rise of some 11% in domestic tourists. Antonio Mayor from the HOSBEC association said that there was no doubt that the economic crisis was making Spaniards turn their

attention towards Benidorm. “We think that nobody can beat us in terms of being competitive and offering value”, said Mayor. The HOSBEC statistics also show that the crucial British market has shown a 7% increase compared to last year at the same time, with a combined total of 90% between the Spanish and British for overnight stays in the early part of May, somewhat rubbishing views that the resort was set for in influx of more Scandinavian and East European tourists.

Uriah Heep and Wynton Marsalis are the two star names lined up for this year’s 2013 San Javier Jazz Festival, which starts on Saturday June 29th. Uriah Heep was viewed as one of the key heavy rock acts of the early seventies, whilst the jazz trumpeter Wynton Marsalis has won 9 Grammys as well as being the first jazz recording artist to gain a Pulitzer Prize for music. Full details of the 11 concert series are available online at jazz.sanjavier.es, and tickets can be bought from the Festivals Office, which is next to San Javier Town Hall. The current opening weekday opening hours are between 9.00am and 2.00pm.

Friday, May 24, 2013

From Costa del crime to Costa captura By Sally Bengtsson Spain seems to be getting a tougher place to hide in for criminals from all nationalities. Police forces from around Europe are co-operating more and more with their Spanish counterparts to bring people to justice. For example, in joint operations in the Valencian region between Spain and Britain over the last eighteen months, eight of “Britain’s Most Wanted” have been arrested. Spain’s old reputation of being the happy hiding ground for wanted Brits has largely disappeared, but in contrast, it still seems to be popular with people on the run. This could be explained by the brief window between 1978 and 1985 when extradition agreements between Spain and the UK broke down and a number of wanted men settled on the so-called "Costa del Crime". Ronnie Knight, the ex-husband of Barbara Windsor, is said to have established the Spanish Costas as a getaway destination for the criminal fraternity. "If I'd got commission for every Londoner I'd introduced to the delights of the Costa del Sol," wrote Knight in his memoir, Blood and Revenge, "I would have earned fortunes." (Knight himself left Spain a while ago and now lives in sheltered accommodation near Cambridge.) Since 2004, the European arrest warrant has allowed for the speedy repatriation of

wanted criminals, but there are still good reasons for fugitives to choose Spain. The collapse of the Spanish property market means that villas – with or without bulletproof glass – are very cheap. Around a million Britons already have properties in Spain and many more come for holidays so it is easy to blend in. False documents are easy to come by. Crimestoppers runs a regular series called Operation Captura with the faces and descriptions of wanted Brits at large in Spain. So far fifty of the sixty-five people on the list have been caught and the Spanish police are happy to cooperate with their British colleagues and to send them home, not least because many of them are involved in drug-smuggling. The latest batch of ten most wanted includes a couple of men sought for murder. Only a fortnight ago, the Spanish police arrested some Britons in Denia, who were found with 700 cannabis plants on their property.

TIC TAC DUMB

A WOMAN flushed 800 Euros down a fruit machine, using the takings of her son’s bar. Things got worse, when she pretended that the bar in Castellon Province, Valencia, had been robbed. The Guardia Civil smelt a rat when they quizzed her, and they promptly arrested her on a charge of falsely reporting a crime for financial gain. The 56 year old told the Guardia that two men had burst into the bar during the night, but her sole purpose was to cover up the fact that she had gambled all the money away, and she afraid that her son would find out what she’d done. She even

fell down the stairs to give the impression that she’d been assaulted by the robbers.

TERRA TAX FRAUD

The Valencian state prosecutor wants substantial jail sentences of between 7 and 10 years for the four main ring-leaders accused of a 4.4 million Euro tax fraud during the building of Benidorm’s Terra Mitica theme park. Though no trial date has been set yet in a long running legal saga, the prosecution is also preparing charges against some 25 companies, in addition to charging more individuals.

SUNDAY FAKE OUT Fake DVD, CD, and clothes sellers got some unwelcome customers last Sunday, as police dropped in on the Orihuela village of La Murada. Traders had complained about illegal hawkers selling counterfeit goods outside the Sunday market, and so the police swooped on the unlicensed stalls. Hundreds of fake CDs and DVDs were seized as well as two hundred shorts and jerseys, which were copies of wellknown brand names. The illegal vendors fled and no arrests were made

Friday, May 24, 2013

editor@thecourier.es

COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

Time to bridge the danger IN answer to a recent letter headlined 'A Bridge Too Far' from P Crane of La Florida, I would like to make the following comments. He/she is right about there being a 2k fence but this does not prevent access to the coastline because just to the right of this fence is direct access to the beaches, which is most probably the position in which a new bridge would be situated. The underpass at Playa Flamenca is mainly for cars with

a very narrow pavement, again dangerous for pedestrians and almost impossible for wheelchair traffic and prams etc. At the La Mosca crossing point there are hundreds of properties; every day many people are trying to cross this very dangerous road. We desperately need a bridge (or temporary traffic lights) before there is a very serious accident. GRAHAM ROBINSON, Orihuela Costa

ON behalf of Age Concern I would like to say a very big thank you to everyone who responded to our appeal for donations to our Charity Shop. The response was tremendous and has helped us to keep our shop open. We are still happy to receive any unwanted goods, especially bric a brac. Thank you again for your generosity. MAUREEN PAYNE, President

DON’T FORGET YOUR DETAILS Letters and emails will only be considered for publication if an address and contact number are provided to confirm authenticity

TARGET EASYJET FOR A CHANGE! It’s time to stamp

on the unfairlines WHY does the UK government not do something about the blatant exploitation of school holidays by the so-called ‘budget’ airlines? I have just checked Ryanair’s schedule in the hope of bringing my daughter and her partner, plus her three kids over to Spain for two weeks in the middle of August. The price for the four of them £932.08!. And that is without the extras that would no doubt be added as we trawled through the booking process. Yet a couple of weeks later, if they were able to fly out on August 30, when most people with kids are heading the other

way for the new term, the same flight on the same day of the week (Saturday) would cost £503.92. That’s £429 less for exactly the same service. As a pensioner who can travel to Manchester for £100 return for most of the year, the exploitation of families tied to certain dates disgusts me. I would happily pay a little more for my own travels if the airlines evened the fares out over the year. They clearly won’t do this so it’s time Parliament forced them to balance things out for everyone. THE PRICE IS WRONG (name supplied), Rojales

I THOUGHT you might like to have a go at another airline than Ryanair just for a change!

My wife and I have just been back to the UK on EasyJet, who also operate this strict ‘one piece of luggage only’ practice. My wife’s handbag measures about 20 x 20 x 5cm (she could have quite easily hidden it under her coat) and she had to stop and push it into her hand luggage, which luckily was fairly easy to do. Apart from that, the experience was more pleasant as EasyJet have removed the cattle stampede mentality one gets with Ryanair because everybody is allocated a seat when checking in, even on-line. Why Ryanair think it is quicker to load people by not reserving seats is quite frankly beyond me. The first passengers grab the nearest seats and then mess about sorting out their luggage etc. This creates constant blockages in the aisles with everyone else having to wait in line to get further into the plane. If you feel like having a go at another money-grabbing merchant, why not try some of the car-hire companies? I booked a car with Hertz, via an on-line agency. When I went to pick it up they had apparently ‘lost’ my allocated vehicle. Instead of allotting a different one to me, I had to wait almost 30 minutes until they finally managed to find it. The

person I was dealing with advised that I could either return the vehicle with a full tank of fuel or simply take it back and they would fill it up at a lower rate per litre than I would be able to purchase - and charge me accordingly. As we were a bit behind schedule due to road works on the M25, I decided, surprise surprise, that I would do the latter. So, instead of losing more time finding a petrol station, I returned the car with half a tank unused, expecting to be charged for the half-tank used. But no, apparently this rule only applies if you have done less than 150 miles! As I had done more than that, I have been charged for a full tank...over £40 for £20 of fuel! This is only the second time I have used this particular company and the second time I have been conned. Last time was again over fuel but a different excuse. You can be sure that I will not use them again. BARRY WESTON, Los Dolses

DUMPY OLD GRAN’S SPONSORED SLIM

The going’s so heavy at pudding time

I’M back on course with a vengeance...and about time, too! The three weeks up to Wednesday had been a nightmare. First, my weight went UP for the first time since I started my diet - and the following week I only managed recoup half of that gain. TOTAL LOSS, 16 WEEKS to The result was that I had to shed 400 grams by this Wednesday just to get down to where I was three (1 stone 13.5 lbs ) weeks ago. At 81.9 kilos (12st January 10th - 93.2 kilos May 22nd - 80.6 kilos 12.6lbs), I was almost five Target weight - 77.2 kilos kilos short of my goal of Still to lose - 3..4 kilos losing 16 kilos (35lbs) by

12.6 kilos

DONNA GEE set out in January to lose 16 kilos (35lbs) and raise £500 for the Crohn’s in Children Research Association (CICRA). That figure was reached some time ago - and Donna’s revised target is June 30. And I’d begun to think nothing would shift the remaining blubber. It hasn’t helped, of course, that I can only take minimal exercise because of a heart problem. But I have meticulously fol-

now £1,000. If you’d like to donate, go to www.justgiving.com/donna-gee. Better still, come along to this Sunday’s charity Walk and Fun Day at El Raso - and please bring something for the raffle if possible!

lowed my regular routine of avoiding carbohydrates and confectionary. With little more than five weeks to go, I was desperate to be a loser again. But first I had to negotiate my way around weekend out-

ings with friends for a Chinese banquet and then Sunday lunch. I could not be so rude as to just sit and watch, so my only carbs were a few noodles at the Happy Garden on Saturday...my roast

spuds being left on the plate at Lo Marabu on Sunday. OK, I did see off the Yorkshire pudding (no, not John Prescott). But the overall strategy worked because I scaled just 80.6 kilos (12st 9lb) at Wednesday’s weigh-in. I now need to shed 1.5lbs a week to hit the jackpot. Then I plan to hit the swimming pool in a bikini. Well, perhaps not...

Friday, May 24, 2013

MY NIGHT IN A BMW WITH BECKHAM

DAVID Beckham’s football career might have ended 15 years ago had I not pointed him in the right direction.

He’d probably still be looking for the car park at Manchester’s city-centre Ramada Hotel (now the Renaissance). It was a night I’ll never forget...a charity spectacular for sick and terminally ill children involving 30 of the biggest names in Northwest sport. The then unknighted Alex Ferguson was there, along with Manchester United stars Paul Scholes and Nicky Butt and a host of other A-list stars including future England cricket captain Andrew Flintoff. The celebs mingled with 300 paying guests at a fundraising evening-dress event based on BBC TV’s A Question of Sport. And as a committee member, I was assigned to the welcoming desk in the hotel reception area. All but one of the celebrities had been escorted up to the banqueting suite and Beckham was the only name not crossed off my list. I looked at my watch and decided to give him a tiny bit longer. I mean, I wanted

I told the glamour boy of football where to go...

to see Posh Spice's fella close up. I stood there alone, people-watching—and wondering what I would say if Becks actually showed up. Then it happened. There was no dramatic entrance. In fact, it was an extremely hesitant Beckham who emerged from the swing doors, looking shy and confused. I made a beeline for the Old Trafford glamour boy. ‘‘Hi David,’’ I said. ‘‘I’m…’’ .‘‘How do I get to the hotel car park?’’ he inter-

UNITED FRONT: David Beckham, Alex Ferguson, Paul Scholes and Nicky Butt were all at the dinner jected edgily.‘‘Where’s your car?’’ I said. “Out there.’’ He pointed vaguely in the direction of Blackfriars Street. I hardly expected it to be in Birmingham but I resisted the temptation to joke with the clearly agitated youngster. “Turn left at the traffic lights,’’ I said. “The entrance is 100 yards down on the left. You can’t miss it.’’ Beckham clearly found bending a ball into a net from 35 yards a much sim-

pler challenge than bending his BMW sports car 200 metres around a corner. But his confusion didn’t surprise me. These were the days when "y’know" constituted roughly 80 percent of the entire Beckham vocabulary. ‘‘No problem, I’ll come with you,’’ I said, heading for the swing doors. England’s most fanciable footballer followed me out, relieved that he didn’t have to go it alone. Gleaming at us from across the road was that luxurious blue Beckham

Goodbye Donna, hello Alex THERE’S no truth in the rumour that because I’ve lost two stone, I’m no longer big enough for the job. But I’ve finally been lured out of the Editor’s chair at The Courier. Yes, the good news is that former BBC radio journalist Alex Trelinski, our political and TV columnist, is the new Editor - and I am sure he

will do a fantastic job. The bad news is that although I have officially retired, I’m going to be Grumpy Old groaning on this page for some time yet! Alex worked for the Beeb for 29 years as an editor, presenter and producer, covering news and sport. He also hosted political and

election programmes around the UK, besides phone-in and talk shows – and has a wide interest in music, entertainment and travel. As for myself, I want to see a bit of Spain before my zimmer frame arrives. I’ve been glued to a computer screen far too long. Not that I can see anything these days!

BMW. I tried to start a conversation as we waited for the traffic lights to change, hoping he might just leak an exclusive story. But the Beckham of the late ‘90s seemed incapable of stringing a full sentence together Either that or he was petrified of Fergie’s hair-dryer burning his golden locks if he said anything out of place.. For the rest of the two minute journey I clung to Beckham’s every word. Both of them. And before you could say "you know," we were facing a key-card protected barrier at the car-park entrance. “I’ll get someone to let you in,’’ I said, leaping out. Somewhere in the gloom, a white apron and chef’s hat ghosted out of a door, with a camp cook inside them. “Can I help?’’ asked the food fairy, lighting a cigarette and trumping Beckham’s array of continuous words in a single spurt. “How do we get the barrier raised?’’ I asked, indicating the BMW at the barrier.: “I’ve got David Beckham over there trying to get in.’’ “David Beckham? WHERE?!!!!!’’ Suddenly there were people in white aprons everywhere. The barrier lifted as if by magic, I escorted Beckham to the main event - and everyone was happy. Even though the only story I got was this one.

Hold that baby for you, Jer? WHY does the media take Jeremy Clarkson’s deliberately provocative wind-ups so seriously? The guy has a brilliant sense of humour and I just love his books and newspaper ramblings. He’s also a dab hand at rubbing people up the wrong way. My favourite Clarksonism is the time he asked an attractive young woman in the Top Gear audience where she came from. “The USA,’’ she replied. ‘You can’t be American,’’ scoffed Clarkson. “You’re not fat enough.’’ So when he the arch-joker says that babies travelling on aircraft should be put in the hold, I know exactly where he’s coming from. If you’ve ever sat on a

packed flight for three hours with an inconsolable infant screaming incessantly a couple of seats away, you’ll know exactly what I mean. It’s the ultimate embarrassment for a mum that she can’t shut her baby up – and like being stuck in an inescapable motorway traffic jam listening to a UK Eurovision song for those trapped just feet away. I suspect Clarkson was just being his normal confrontational self. In fact, I’m surprised he didn’t suggest flushing them down the loo. But the concept of separating parents with babies from the main passenger zone, now that certainly has its merits.

Friday, May 24, 2013

MUST QUACK ON

I CAME this close to seriously injuring myself the other day. 'This close?' queried Mrs S, holding her thumb and forefinger almost together. 'Or that close?' she asked, extending her arms wide apart as if she were boasting about a giant fish she'd just caught. 'Okay, okay,' I grumbled. 'Maybe I am being a drama queen but why let facts spoil a good story?' Anyway, what happened was this. One of those nonslip suction-padded individual yellow duck thingies slid from under my foot as I stepped into the shower. And I nearly cracked (quacked?) my head as I slumped against the tiled interior. Mrs S not only registered total disdain when I told her but she went further, claiming I'd invented the episode in order to set up my quackedhead joke. 'That's women for you,' said Dave the barman down at the pub. 'They go on and on about childbirth as if they have all the concessions on aches and

pains. Have they ever considered the agonies we blokes go through with man flu?' 'You can say that again,' said Indoor Lou, the latest member of our pub discussion group. 'No, I couldn't say that again,' said Dave the barman. 'I don't repeat long sentences. Now, would any of you tightwads fancy ordering a drink? I have a business to run, you know.' Daft Barry put down the jigsaw piece he was trimming with his juniordoctor plastic toy scissors in order to get the v a n dalised part to fit into the puzzle he was trying to assemble on the bar top. 'Pain certainly hurts,' was his contribution to

our discussion. 'Well said, Barry,' said Dave the barman. 'And on which particular medical hypothesis

do you base that profound observation?' 'Oh, I've just pricked my finger. And the pain is hurting,' said Daft Barry, tentatively raising his digit in the air. 'But how can you prick yourself on plastic scissors?' asked Indoor Lou who was still getting used to our weird ways. 'It wasn't the scissors,' Daft Barry pointed out. 'I caught my cuticle on the sharp edge of the jigsaw piece I've just cut round. The piece shows some of the sky above Noddy's hat. And because the sky is as blue as Noddy's hat, I'm having a bit of trouble here.' Dave the barman sighed. 'Barry, if you

require neither a paramedic nor a priest, I suggest you concentrate on your task.' 'Too late,' said Daft Barry, sucking his throbbing finger. 'Ol' Red Eyes has just gone to sleep on the bar and he's lying on the bit of jigsaw I've already completed. I can't tell if the big ears belong to Big Ears or if they're fixed to Ol' Red Eyes' head.' Dave the barman had had enough. 'Barry, how would you like me to bind your finger with duct tape and use the rest of the roll to affix to your gob? You might not find that procedure particularly soothing but it will certainly make my life easier.' 'Don't worry about me,' responded Daft Barry, dunking his poorly finger into Ol' Red Eyes' abandoned drink. 'The pain might be hurting but you'll never hear me acting like a scaredy cat. I don't know the meaning of fear. Mind you, I don't know the meaning of a lot of words.' Indoor Lou had had enough too. 'I've gotta get

out of here for a while or I'll go as crazy as the rest of you crazies. I just need to clear my head. I'll be 10 minutes max.' 'Go ahead, Louis' I said. 'You and I are the only sane ones here. But please don't call me Max.' While Indoor Lou was outdoors I nipped into the loo and phoned Mrs S. 'Why are you ringing me? she asked suspiciously. 'You never phone me. Maybe you did crack your bonce in the shower after all and it has transformed you into a nice guy. It reminds me of that Harrison Ford film Regarding Henry in which he plays a nasty man who gets a head injury and that turns him into a wonderful loving husband.' 'But I've always worshipped you, my darling,' I cooed and returned to my table. 'Write this down,' I whispered to Daft Barry. 'The answer to the movie question is Regarding Henry.' Our team was well on its way to winning the pub quiz.

Friday, May 24, 2013

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 72 This week we are going to learn another verb tense. It is another straightforward verb conjugation in it´s regular forms which makes it quite easy to learn. The tense in question is the conditional tense. That is those times when we say something would happen, i.e. there is a condition to the thing happening , for example: I would eat fish every day if I had it in my house, I would buy that dress if I had the money. There has to be a reason why the action in question cannot be carried out, so when you say the word ´would´ in English the statement is in the conditional. As with every verb in Spanish translating the conditional tense isn´t as easy as just adding a word, but the endings that we are adding are very easy to learn: To conjugate to the conditional, take the infinitive of the verb and add the following endings: ía, ías, ía, íamos, íais, ían. This goes for every verb whether it´s ending is –ir, -er or –ar. So, for example to conjugate comprar – yo compraría, tú comprarías, el/ella compraría, nosotros compraríamos, vosotros compraríais, ellos/ellas comprarían. Note the accent on the ´i´ in all conjugations. So, to say I would buy the dress you would say – yo compraría el vestido To put the statement in the negative we do the same as with all verbs and place the word ´no´ before the verb, I would not buy the dress – yo no compraría el vestido The irregular verbs in the conditional are the same as those we learnt in the future tense: The verbs that follow the irregular pattern of poner drop the e or i of the infinitive and add d: pon(e)dría,

e.g. salir - saldría, saldrías, saldría, etc. (would go out) tener – tendría, tendrías, tendría, etc. (would have) venir – vendría, vendrías, vendría, etc. (would come) Verbs like poder just drop the vowel of the infinitive; pod(e)ría Caber – cabría, cabrías, cabría, etc. (would fit) haber – habría (there would be) querer – querría, querrías, querría, etc. (would want) Saber – sabría, sabrías, sabría, sabríamos, sabríais, sabrían. (would know) The verbs decir and hacer change their base, i.e. decir – to tell : diría, dirías, diría, diríamos, diríais, dirían hacer – to do : haría, harías, haría, haríamos, haríais, harían Remember that only the stem changes in all verbs, the endings are always the same. As mentioned the conditional tense is used for all those occasions when in English we say ´would´ Juan had said he would come – juan ha dicho que ven-

dría. To indicate hypothetical events or actions that may happen in the future: Of course we would go to Rome – claro que iríamos a Roma To indicate things that may happen now or soon: It would be a good idea to go out soon – sería un buen idea salir pronto. There are certain times when the conditional is used not to convey ´would´ and these are: To communicate possibility or conjecture referring to a past time or activity with verbs such as estar, decir, ser, tener and haber. In English we would use approximately, probably, must have, could, I wonder, etc. Examples: We were probably busy – estaríamos ocupados, There were approximately twenty people – habría unos veinte personas, I wonder how much the suit cost – cuanto costaría el traje We will end with some translations using the conditional tense; translate into Spanish the following: Would you eat the tortillas?, I would tell him tomorrow, the children would not play with this toy, I would go out but it is raining, Juan would eat a paella because she is hungry, I would sleep but I am not tired, he probably went into the house, would you learn to play the guitar?, we would like to visit England next year.

Compraría mucho si tenia el dinero

I hope you are getting the hang of the conditional tense, as we learn the past tenses you will find more uses for the conditional, however for now it can be used in the above situations, try and use it whenever possible and as ever learn the irregular verbs so you are confident in any situation. Have a great week, ¡hasta la próxima!

Friday, May 24, 2013

YOUR FAITHFUL LOYAL FRIEND Spain is full of abandoned dog’s right now, as missing. After a week, the family found Capitan at the grave you’ve read earlier in The Courier about the howling. He had found the grave all on his own. Damian has tried to take Capitan home, but each time Capitan returns to dreadful story from Callosa. Dogs that have been cast aside by their owners, who have started a new life somewhere new, and without their faithful friend. This attitude by some humans is sickening. Dogs have feelings just like us and to just dump them somewhere and go, is something I find absolutely repulsive. Just watch a waiting dog outside a shop. They sit and wait with so much enthusiasm for their owner to return. That is how much a dog loves you. You just walking out of a shop and reuniting with your dog is something that makes their tails wag with delight. The reason is simple. You are their everything. You are what they live and breathe for. You complete them. It is loyalty at work in the most intense fashion you will ever experience. On that note, here are some true stories from around the world, on just how loyal your faithful friend is. In Italy, Ciccio the dog would accompany his owner, Maria, to church every day when the bells tolled. When his owner died, Ciccio was devastated and followed the coffin into the church on the day of the funeral. Since that day he has attended church for the daily service and the parishioners feed and give him water. The priest lets him sit in front of the altar for each mass. In 2005, Miguel Guzman bought Capitan the dog, for his son Damian. One year later Miguel died and Capitan went

the grave. They now accept this and know that Capitan is there, lying next to his owners grave, looking after him. In 2011, American soldier, Jon Tumilson died in a helicopter crash. His faithful dog, Hawkeye, a chocolate Labrador, lay next to his owner’s casket, as 1,500 mourners paid their respects. They were all moved at this amazing show of loyalty. Hawkeye was unwilling to move away from his owner’s coffin. Again in 2011, Kirby a little black puppy went missing from his home. Kirby was found sitting by his owner’s grave, having walked miles to locate it. After the earthquake in Japan in 2011, the media filmed a dog, covered in mud. They then noticed he was next to another dog, which was hardly moving. He waited, sometimes pacing around the body of his friend. He would not leave this dog and stayed by his side until help arrived and they were finally rescued and taken to an animal hospital. In America in 2010, Spot the dog, would wait at the same street corner for his owner, Wayne Giroux, after he finished work. Sadly, Wayne was killed by a drink driver and Spot waited at the same street corner every day for his owner to return, day after day, week after week, month after month. The subject of dog loyalty cannot be described by me in just one column, which is why I will continue this subject in the next Courier.

Dog’s show us love, empathy and devotion twenty four hours a day, every day. This should never be taken for granted. It should be valued and appreciated for what it is - the most amazing love we will ever receive in our lives. The problem is some humans are just too busy in their lives to actually realize what is going on right in front of them. Because if you want to witness the most amazing loyalty you will ever see in your lives, it is right in front of you in the form of a wet nose, two big eyes and two big fluffy ears.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? The registered owners of LUCAS had to re home him due to allergy problems only to find him tied up outside their house a few weeks later; he had an injured paw and was a little thin. They were very upset that someone could discard him like this: he is now with us at the kennels and his paw has healed nicely. He is a bouncy, playful 5 month old and is a small Bearded Collie type. 966 710 047

Lucas Martha, Lucy and Beau are six months old. They are part of a litter of 9 puppies who were found in a cardboard box at only a few weeks old. They are all healthy, bouncy puppies who will be medium sized dogs when they are fully grown. Pease call Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Martha, Lucy and Beau

Maggie was thrown from a car and tried chasing it but the car didn’t stop for her. She is around 1 year old, medium size and has a lovely, gentle nature. Call: 645 469 253 www.petsinspain.com

Micha is a pretty, blue eyed, part Siamese and has been spayed. She is very sad at the moment as her owner has recently died. If you would like to make Micha a happy girl again, please call Joe on 966719272

LOBO is a 4 ½ year old male German Shepherd crossbreed who is fully vaccinated, micro chipped and castrated; he has a loving nature and plays happily with his kennel mates both male and female. 966 710 047

Rocco is around 2 years old and friends were feeding him on the streets for 2 weeks until the managed to catch him and bring him to us. He is a happy, healthy boy, very faithful and will make a wonderful companion. Call: 645 469 253 www.petsinspain.com

Maggie

Micha

Lobo

Rocco

These gorgeous ginger kittens were saved from drowning, and are looking for a loving home, to help them forget the trauma they have just gone through. To arrange to meet them or any of APAH's cats and dogs, please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563

Friday, May 24, 2013

LÍNEA DIRECTA REPORTS ON NEW LEGISLATION FOR PAYING FINES On March 4th this year, new legislation governing the payment of fines for traffic offences was introduced in Spain. According to the new law, drafted and passed by the Spanish DirectorateGeneral of Traffic (Dirección General de Tráfico) and the Ministry of the Interior, the payment of traffic fines in cash will no longer be accepted, and only payment by debit or credit card will be allowed. The authorities have cited security and economic efficiency as the reasons behind their decision due to the fact that once this new measure has been introduced, the risks and expenses involved with transporting money, will no longer exist. According to the DGT, the measure will only apply to the payment of fines. All the other administrative operations carried out at Provincial Traffic Headquarters, such as processing or renewing a driving licence, can still be paid for in cash. In order to make the payment, drivers must access the DGT webpage, www.dgt.es, or call the number 060. Although Provincial Headquarters will no longer accept payments in cash, drivers can still pay their fines in cash at any post office or Banco Santander branch. In this case, drivers will still be required to provide and attach the fine reference number.

For further information: 902 123 104

Friday, May 24, 2013

BONNIE MAULED BY GREAT DANE

As I settled down to another night in front of the TV, I was filled with anticipation. This night was one I’d been looking forward to for quite some time. It was going to be fun with wine and food before the serious business began. I am of course talking about last Saturday night and 2013 Eurovision Song Contest in Sweden. Once again I was joined by my friend, with her husband in tow this time, and I had the score sheets printed with one personal score I was preparing to settle. Last year Racheal beat me hands down. The songs I enjoyed faltered somewhere near the bottom, whereby hers, with a little help from some Russian grannies, leapt ahead on the scoreboard. So, this year I was going to take it a bit more seriously. Well, that was the idea until the first few sips of the red wine went down and listening to the songs became almost second to chatting and having a

good time. Some of them were quite catchy and had us humming along whilst others had us reaching for the mute button. At least all the songs were sang with some passion by a singer making the most of their once in a lifetime opportunity to sing in front of millions all over Europe. We all know how Bonnie Tyler did and that was no surprise, at least to me, but what has happened to the UK and Eurovision? Last year Engelbert Humperdinck did abysmally and I thought this time round, the UK would have learnt from that mistake and put a young modern group or a singer into the competition. So, imagine my shock when I read it was to be Bonnie Tyler, the warbler from the 80´s, whose face now appeared stuck fast and

who sounded somehow different. I remember ´Total Eclipse of the Heart´ from the eighties. I was young back then and this was my era. I also have one of her songs on my phone: - ´Lost in France´ and this is classic Tyler, who could belt them out back in the past. So what was the BBC thinking when they chose this blast from the past for 2013? I was talking to a student in one of my English classes about Eurovision and neither of us could explain the logic of this. There have been older singers in the show for sure but they are normally there for entertain-

ment or comic value, and certainly not to be taken too seriously. But the BBC bosses seem to think that they are a good and sensible choice to win. Or, perhaps the whole game is not to win? Either way, the job was done again on Saturday as we faltered in the bottom half all night. Britain has a long history of great music. We have one of the best musical heritages in the world:- The Beatles; Queen; The Rolling Stones; The Sex Pistols;

Adele; Boyzone; Take That; and even Ozzy Osbourne! Whatever your musical tastes, the UK has produced some of the best groups or singers in the world, and that carries on today! Why couldn´t we be represented by Leona Lewis or The Wanted for example? Why are we being made the laughing stock of Europe? Bonnie ended up in 19th place, which at least was better than last year but what´s the point of just doing better? This question can only be answered by the people who chose the once great Bonnie Tyler, and I´ve not heard any explanation as yet. So, another year wasted and fingers crossed that next year will bring a worthy contender with a great song, I despair every time I turn on

the radio and hear a great British song or singer and realise, for whatever reason, they will never be allowed to grace Eurovision. For now we will have to adopt somewhere that seems to be getting it right, which mean that any Scandinavian country will do! As for how I did with Racheal and her husband Ali, I stuck with the favourite this year and she did not let me down. Denmark was my number one choice and my friends had gone for other countries. I also picked the Ukraine in third place so I was, this time, the overall winner. My second place and one that Racheal had also put in her top three, ended up at the bottom of the leaderboard, I really thought Ireland had a great song, but it just goes to show, with Eurovision anything goes! I´m ready for the rematch in 2014, however I’m not so sure that my friends feel the same, but at least they have a year for their swollen eardrums to recover!

Friday, May 24, 2013

BAA! BAA! DEAD SHEEP HOWE STILL BLEATING

AS a reasonably fresh faced 20 year old, I first met Sir Geoffrey Howe in the 1979 General Election campaign. The then shadow Chancellor was pressing the flesh in a marginal Midland constituency that the Tories were hoping to win (and they did), so that Mrs. Thatcher would become Prime Minister. Sir Geoffrey was a quiet but amiable figure who shared my like for smoking cigarettes and so I took g r e a t pleasure in crash-

ing my Bensons to him during the half-hour walkabout. I confidently asked him whether he’d ease off on tobacco taxes once he got into 11 Downing Street. He laughed and said that he

was planning to put them up “big time” because the country needed the extra money and that he also wanted to stop smoking. Lo and behold, he’d done both within weeks! Howe was an unsung hero of the Thatcher cabinet. He had the tough job of being Chancellor and having to do all the dirty stuff to get Britain out of the big mess that Labour had created. He was shoved by Maggie to the Foreign Office, and so Nigel Lawson took all the credit when the boom years came, whilst Sir Geoffrey Howe became a key player in the strong relationship between America and Britain, as well as being a staunch supporter of the European Union. His Commons speeches though were boring, earning him the nick-

name of the “anesthetist” as well as Denis Healey’s famous comment that being attacked by Howe in the Commons was like “being savaged like a dead sheep”. He famously quit his last position as Deputy Prime Minister over the issue of Europe in 1990, and ironically produced his bestremembered Commons speech, where he savaged Thatcher over her views on the EU. That lit the touch paper for Michael Heseltine’s leadership challenge, which saw Mrs. T removed from power just weeks later. And it’s Europe that has seen Baron Howe of Aberavon reappear on the political scene, with some very telling comments about David Cameron. The 86 year old said that the Prime Minister was losing control of his party over

Europe and that Cameron was “running scared” of his MPs. The old Baron is not prone to shooting from the hip, and Cameron’s views of what the Tories should be about, are pretty much his. That’s what makes his analysis so interesting, and despite the parade of the Cabinet faithful running in front of every available microphone to trash his comments, I think that excigarette smoker has hit the proverbial political nail on the head. And on the very first page of the “how to win elections” manual, you’ll find lots of words about divided parties never coming to power! The irony of Howe’s words is that Cameron and his mates know that he’s speaking the truth. One of them described Tory grassroots activists as “mad,

swivel-eyed loons” who forced MPs to vote against the Queens Speech because of Europe. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt said that those were not the Prime Minister’s views (Oh really?) and that the Tories were united on Europe (Oh really?). Then we had over thirty past and present chairmen of the “mad, swiveleyed loons” associations around the country writing to Cameron, telling him that the next election is lost because of the party pushing through same-sex marriage. It’s a gift for the opposition parties, but it’s so depressing because they can just rest on their laurels and not come up with any solutions for Britain’s problems. That's all because the Tories are imploding quicker than Bonnie Tyler’s Eurovision facelift!

Friday, May 24, 2013

Café Golf Jazz Jam Every Sunday If you´re looking for a unique Sunday evening then Café Golf in San Javier is the place to go. Their Jazz Jam evening provides a different line-up every weekend, with musicians of all nationalities dropping in for a casual jam session. Singers get up and join in, improvising with whatever the musicians do. The crowd of regulars and newcomers never know what to expect, but all leave with a smile on their faces, having enjoyed a relaxing evening with a difference. Any budding jazz musicians or singers feel free to pop along and join in with the jam. Whilst listening to the sessions you can enjoy a refreshing drink accompanied by tapas, a Sunday Roast if you’re feeling hungry, or why not sample something from the new evening menu. You can just pop in for half an hour or spend the whole evening there, whatever you fancy, the atmosphere is relaxed and anything goes. For those of you who like Jazz Swing, there will be a Jazz Swing Night in July, so watch this space for further information.

Friday, May 24, 2013

VEGGIE DELIGHTS SPICY COURGETTE PITTA POCKETS Ingredients

1 courgette, trimmed and thinly sliced lengthways 2 tsp harissa paste 2 tsp olive oil small handful broad beans (fresh or frozen) 2 tbsp houmous 1 spring onion, finely sliced 1 tsp tahini paste small garlic clove, crushed squeeze lemon juice 1 tbsp Greek-style yogurt 1 large wholemeal pitta bread

Method

1. Toss the courgette slices in the harissa and olive oil, and season. Cook on a hot griddle pan for 2 mins each side or

until tender. Transfer to a plate and set aside. 2. Cook the broad beans in boiling water for 2 mins, drain under cold running water, then slip them out of their outer skins. Discard the skins. Put the broad beans, houmous and spring onion in a small bowl and mix to combine. 3. In another bowl, mix the tahini, garlic, lemon juice and yogurt. Toast the pitta and split it to create 2 pockets. Spoon the houmous mix inside each pocket, followed by the spicy courgette slices and a drizzle of the yogurt mixture.

ARTICHOKE & ROASTED RED PEPPER SOUFFLÉ OMELETTE Ingredients 5 eggs, separated 2 whole eggs ½ can artichoke hearts, drained, quartered if whole 1 whole roasted pepper from a jar or can drained, patted dry and roughly chopped 50g vegetarian Parmesan-style cheese 10 large basil leaves, shredded 1 tbsp butter 1 tbsp extra virgin rapeseed or olive oil

Method

1. In a large bowl, lightly beat together the 5 egg yolks and 2 whole eggs. In a separate bowl, use an electric whisk to beat the egg whites until stiff. Add whites to the yolks and fold together carefully, keeping it light and fluffy. Fold in the artichokes, pepper, half the cheese, the basil, salt and pepper. 2. Heat grill to high. Heat a medium non-stick frying pan over a medium heat. Add the butter and oil. When the butter has

melted, add the omelette mixture and spread evenly. Cook until golden underneath, about 5 mins. Scatter over remaining cheese, then place the pan under the grill and cook for a further 2 mins. Slide the omelette onto a board or serving plate. Cut into wedges and serve.

HALLOUMI AUBERGINE BURGERS WITH HARISSA RELISH Ingredients 2½ tbsp olive oil 2 onions, very finely sliced ½ aubergine, cut into 8 round slices 250g block halloumi cheese, cut into 8 slices 1 tbsp soft brown sugar 1 roasted red pepper from a jar, chopped 2 tsp harissa 4 ciabatta rolls, halved and lightly toasted 4 tbsp houmous

Method

1. Add 1 tbsp of the oil to a pan and tip in the onions. Cook over a high heat for a few mins, then turn down the heat and cook until soft and golden - about 8 mins. 2. Meanwhile, heat another tbsp of oil and fry the aubergine for a few mins on each side until tender. Set aside. In the

remaining oil, fry the halloumi until golden. 3. Tip the brown sugar, pepper and harissa into the onions. Cook for 1 min until the sugar has melted. While the relish is cooking, spread the rolls with houmous, laying halloumi and aubergine slices on top. Spoon the sticky, spicy relish over and serve.

Friday, May 24, 2013

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: David wanted to know why his Internet Explorer ADVICE: James had a question regarding Solid State favourites were not synchronised between his two com- Drives (SSD’s) puters. Hi Richard, have read about how Hello Richard, from my questions you will know that I’m not too good with computers. When I am in Spain I have an Acer laptop, (you visited me once at camping Floretilles) running windows 7 home. When I look at a website that is useful I save it in favourites. I thought that this would reflect on my pc at home. I have arrived home to UK. I have a Compaq pc running windows XP and on opening the favourites none are in that I wanted to use. Can I recover these or are they stored on my laptop only? David

Hi David, thanks for the email. With regards to synchronising your favourites, this is not functionality that Internet Explorer has “out of the box”, so in answer to your question, no they would not be synchronised automatically. There are a number of ways to achieve this with Internet Explorer, probably the easiest would be to store your favourites for both your laptop and your home PC on some sort of online storage like Drop Box or Microsoft SkyDrive, once stored there you can change your default location for favourites in Internet Explorer to that location and – hey presto you have synchronised favourites. Alternately you could move to an alternative browser like Google’s Chrome or Mozilla Firefox, both of which have the ability to synchronise their respective bookmarks (their version of favourites) Hope this helps.

ADVICE: Renee, like most people was confused about the skype / live messenger merge.

fast the SSD's are and enjoyed your article. One question I have is: - why install a 120 GB SSD in place of a 500 GB or 750 GB SATA? Surely nowadays 120 GB disc is nowhere enough. Regards James Hi James, speed is the simple answer. Of course I accept that 120 GB is not enough space to store everything we need in our increasingly digital lives, however 120 GB is more than enough to store the operating system and our day to day programs, and this is what I elude to at the bottom of the article. I would suggest that where appropriate we use an SSD to store our computers operating system and programs and then we store our data on a "standard" hard drive. In doing so we get the speed performance we are looking for and we don’t clog up our nice shiny SSD with pictures we hardly ever look at. If, of course, money is no object then you could go the "whole hog" and but a 500 GB SSD but then we are talking serious money. Hope that answers your question?

ADVICE: Miriam wanted to know if she could connect to UK TV services using her iPad here in Spain.

Q A

Hi Richard, is there any way that I can connect to BBC iPlayer or ITV Player on my IPad, here in Spain? Regards, Miriam

Hi Miriam, I have written an article regarding exactly that issue, you can find a copy here… http://www.bluemoonsolutions.es/uk-tv-in-spain …if you want to, you could sign up to our newsletter (it’s free) by entering your email address in the “Join out mailing list” section of our website.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi I am very confused about the Skype/windows messenger merge? I have a hotmail.com email and when I wanted to check them today via messenger as I always do I was forced to merge my Skype account, now I don't know where to find my emails? Skype displays but no email. Should I be looking for the Windows Live on my desk top and use this for emails? I’m just a bit confused, luckily have mobile with email to communicate. Would appreciate some help please. Thank you, Renee.

Hi Renee, I recently wrote an article that covers this very subject, you can get a copy of it at… www.bluemoonsolutions.es/whats-the-score-with-microsoft-hotmail-outlookwindows-live-messenger-and-skype …it should answer all of your questions, let me know if it doesn’t and I will try to help further.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, May 24, 2013

PARTY FUN BREAKS DOWN BARRIERS

Street parties and good old fashioned fun have been used to break down barriers amongst the different nationalities in the Playa Flamenca area. Language has been the old problem, but that hasn’t stopped a group of people getting together on a regular basis to share their experiences as well as a drink or two. Though the British community dominates around Playa Flamenca, Spanish, Belgium, Dutch, Austrian, and Norwiegan people had fun at a recent street party, with a whole series planned for the summer. Community spokesman, Barry Dutton said: - "The

first street party was attended by more than 30 people and it surprised us how many said they had barely spoken to anybody else in the area before, besides just saying hello! Many have told me that they’ve widened their social circle purely as a result of the first party!”

SOLOS HAVE FUN

If you live on your own and want to make some new friends, then a brand new local group might just help you to fill that important gap in your life. 50+ SOLOS meet for lunch twice a month in different restaurants around the Torrevieja area, and it’s a great way to improve your social life. The club had two successful meetings this month, and they’ve got two more planned for June. On Saturday 8th June, they’ll be getting together at MESON ESQUEVA in Torrevieja, which is close to the LOMOS Medical Centre, whilst on Saturday 22nd June, they’ll be in Guardamar at the traditional Spanish venue of JAENS on Ava Pais Valenciano 49. Both get-togethers start at 1pm, and you only pay for the cost of the meal, as SOLOS do not charge any membership fees. The group also supports a small Yorkshire-based charity called Help for Homeless Veterans. If you want to go along or just want to know more about 50+ SOLOS, phone Ruth on 966 789 063.

Help’s big May flourish

It’s a busy end to May for the Help at Home, Costa Blanca charity. The group that helps to provide free help to people at home have two events this weekend to help fill their coffers with much needed money. Tonight (Friday May 24th), there’s a Dinner Dance at the Asturias Restaurant, Punta Prima. You can get tickets from the Restaurant or from HAH shop in Playa Flamenca. The phone number is 691 585 167. Tomorrow night you can enjoy one of the greatest decades for pop music, with Dan leading you down memory lane with some top songs from the 60’s in a special night at the La Terrazza Bar in Bigastro. The entertainment starts at 8pm, and there’s a special raffle in aid of HAH. And finally, HAH will be picking up your donations on Tuesday from the charity market at the Celtic Isle, Playa Flamenca. The charity continues to urgently look for more volunteers to act as drivers, carers, or visitors for people who are suffering with long term illnesses. If you have a few hours to spare and are interested in helping others, then you can ring : 691 585 167 or email: helpathomecb@gmail.com.

Pegasus goes west for Elche kids

The Elche Childrens Home got an 800 Euros boost from kind-hearted regulars of Torrevieja’s New Pegasus Bar. Some of the Elche youngsters were there to enjoy an action packed fun day that included a Wild West show with The Pisteleros. The kids got some souvenir toy pistols as well as tucking into some food and drinks from the Bar, and then being treated to some ice creams on the beach!

BAKED BOOBIES RISE TO THE OCCASION Quiz nights can be frantic and serious affairs, and Help Murcia Mar Menor piled on the pressure with a real tough one. They called it a ‘Quiz with a Difference’, but nobody lost their cool with over fifty people giving it a go, as well as enjoying the chicken and chips at the El Carmoli restaurant! The first prize was won by a team lead by Bernard Ash, but the big talk of the night was a specially designed booby prize for the last placed team. It just so happened that it was cake baked by Janice Clark, which was shaped like a pair of breasts… or should that be boobies? Local charities were the biggest winner though with nearly 400 Euros being raised on the night. Help Murcia Mar Menor is hoping not to lose its shirt for the next event which will be an Afternoon at the Races at the Viva Bar and Restaurant in Los Nietos on Thursday June 13th, starting at 1pm. You can get tickets and more details from the Help MMM office on 968 570 059

CHOPPY WATERS

Tough conditions made life interesting for the Mar Menor sailors in their latest event. The smaller boats faced an especially tough examination in last weekend’s round the island race, with two hours of thorough concentration needed. 7 boats with 17 helms and crew crossed the start line in some tricky winds, with the Deltania having to retire early due to the conditions. No one else had to retire, with the Gamba winning the day, helmed by Brian Murray and crewed by Ingo Wilson. If you fancy some watery contests, then Sailing Association Mar Menor (SAMM) are always looking for new members and you pick up more details from their website, www.sailingmarmenor.com

Edition 2

OFFERS OF THE MONTH

Friday, May 24, 2013

THE LEGALITY OF TYRES ON ROAD VEHICLES IN SPAIN THERE are a number of quirky laws relating to motoring here in Spain, and a number of these relate specifically to the tyres that are fitted on a road vehicle and the condition that they are in. Tyres in Spain are not as cheap to buy as the UK and as such it is important that you understand the legality behind tyres and avoid the likelihood that you will end up buying a set that does not meet with your exact requirements. Anybody who has been resident in Spain for even the shortest period of time will be able to tell you the Guardia can, and do, hold regular spot checks for drivers and their vehicles and tyre regulations are something that features highly on their list of things to check - especially on older vehicles.

Driving with worn or non-matching tyres can attract on the spot fines of 150 euros, and the vehicle can even be taken from the driver immediately and impounded in cases where 3 or more of the tyres are found to be unsafe.

Tyre Specification

Yes, the specification of the tyres is crucial. If your 'Fichas Tecnicas' state that 225/70/R16/102-S* tyres are fitted, then you cannot change them for something else, no matter how practical or economical they are. Your vehicle will not pass an ITV unless the tyres fitted match the tyres shown in the specification. Regardless of their condition. * The final letter in the sequence denotes the speed rating of the tyre. The letter rating can be equal to, or greater than mentioned in the Fichas Tecnicas. For Example, where an "S" is fitted, it can be replaced with a "T", but not an "R".

Tyre Variations All tyres fitted on a vehicle are required to be the of the same make/size/speed code etc... On every wheel - Don't forget the spare!

Tread depth Motoring law stipulates that the tread depth on a tyre should be no less than 1.6mm (although many motoring organisations recommend that a tread depth of 3.00mm should be observed to ensure safe and optimum driving conditions are met.

Tyre degradation Those who have brought a vehicle over to Spain from the UK often notice that their tyres seem to lose pressure and therefore need topping up with air more than they ever did in the UK, and can spend ages searching for slow punctures that just don't exist. The reason behind this is the significantly warmer temperatures seen here in most of Spain - especially if your car is generally kept outside or in direct sunlight for long periods of time. Sunlight and higher temperatures causes the rubber to perish and degrade, which results in the walls of the tyres crystallising and cracking and the air slowly escapes. If this does happen, you will have accept that the tyres will need replacing altogether sooner or later regardless of the tread depth remaining.

Friday, May 24, 2013

FOR WHOM THE ROAD TOLLS

Driving on Spanish motorways can be surprisingly straightforward – they are nowhere near as congested as their counterparts in the UK, and this alone can often take the sting out of having to pay for the privilege of using them. Additionally the Service stations seem to be a little confused. Has nobody told them that they are supposed to be smelly and dirty places where the food and drink (not to mention petrol) are dramatically overpriced and of questionable value? It seems not – instead the prices seem to differ very little from in regular Café’s and Bar’s and the fayre offered is actually served warm, resembles food, and is edible. Once foreign drivers using Spanish motorways can get over the obstacle of having to pay to use them they will find many that they have many advantages : Better quality and cheaper service stations; less congestion; FREE access to motorways around major Towns and Cities; High speed limits compared to the N roads etc… But what are some of the disadvantages that a driver from the UK may notice – and may need to be aware of? An obvious one maybe, but the Toll booths themselves are situated to the LEFT of the car, which can cause problems for a lone traveller in a RHD vehicle, particularly if they are scrambling around for change. Another is the fact that at night there are no road lights, which can often take some getting used to. Road signs (or rather lack of them) together with the total lack of planning when it comes to constructing junctions is

often an issue – quite often you can see exit signs placed after the junction as opposed to before ! The cost of a journey can also be an issue if you are travelling a long way – for example a trip from Valencia to Barcelona (approx. 400 kms) can cost around 40Euros, payable at 5 Booths and to 3 different Motorway Agencies. So how can you make this easier on yourself? The Company which oversees the various motorway agencies in Spain offer an electronic device called the BiModel - also known as the VIA T – the major difference being that the former can also be used in France.

The Via-T device is fitted in the windscreen of vehicles, but the Bi-Model device is fastened to the registration plate. Users of these schemes have the benefit of being able to use a special lane, which means that the vehicle does not need to come to a complete stop – just slow to slow to 30km at the tolls (usually to the far left and clearly marked “Via-T”). Discounts of between 5% and 50% can also be applied - depending on the stretch of motorway you use, the number of journeys that you take per month and distance of Journey covered – it all adds up ! A credit period of 6 to 8 weeks is also given to users of the Bi-Model / Via-T device, which is usually better than frantic searching for loose change or a debit card – often at a time when you just want head off and complete your journey. Both of the Via-T and Bi-Model units are rented from the motorway company, and when ordering them you must state the license plate numbers and number of axles present on each of the vehicles that are to use the units. The order must be accompanied by a copy of the vehicle’s product description and the registration certificate. There are more than 20 individual motorway agencies in Spain, each with its own network across the region, and it wise to check the website of the agency whose network(s) you will be using the most to see which agencies they have reciprocal agreements with, and how you should go about ordering one. In almost every case the devise is ordered and paid for at the local branch of a national bank and the monthly fees are deducted from your account by direct debit.

If you want it - Hire it!

THE HIRE CENTRE has been open for 8 successful years, with a massive range of DIY tools and building equipment available to you! The Centre is based on the main road between Torrevieja and Quesada, with a clearly visible display at the San Luis Lakeside Centre on the Crevillente road. There’s something for all DIY tastes at the Centre including ladders, scaffolds, tile cutters, wackerplates, floor polishers, cement mixers and wheel-barrows. There is an extensive range of concrete breakers, corecutters, disc-cutters, drills and welders. In addition to chainsaws, lawn mowers and strimmers for the garden,

there are water pumps for the pool and jet-washers for your terraces they have paint sprayers and floor scrubbers. But, there’s a lot more than just DIY tools at The Hire

Centre. They also stock a full range of mobility equipment, to make getting around a lot easier for the elderly or those who are temporarily in need of mobility help The Hire

Centre can provide a variety of mobility aids, wheelchairs, scooters, commodes and walking frames. So if you are on holiday for a short time or need something more long-

term, The Hire Centre can help you to get out and about. The Hire Centre also offer portable air-conditioning units for those hot summer

nights as well as helping some of the younger guests to the Costa Blanca, with an extensive range of good quality nursery items. Hard floors and steep staircases can be dangerous for the little ones so stair gates and bedrails can make your home safe. The Hire Centre has cots, highchairs, walkers and sterilizers, and for special occasions a selection of bouncy castles will keep the young ones happy for hours. So don't waste valuable storage space by buying and storing equipment you may only use once or twice a year! Drop in to see The Hire Centre in San Luis, or phone 966 786 225 or find us at www.thehirecentre.net

Friday, May 24, 2013

Experience pays with Willem cars

WILLEM CARS: - YOUR SECOND HAND CAR DEALER ON THE COSTA BLANCA. WE HAVE OVER 35 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE IN THE TRADE! It’s easy as far as Willem Cars are concerned. Have a look at the rest, and then come to us for the best service that you can trust. We have over 40 vehicles always in stock, and they have all the necessary documentation, including warranty and that all important ITV certificate. We’ll pay you in cash for vehicles in good condition, and that includes motorhomes and vans, and we’ll also offer part exchange deals, even on cars with foreign plates. We don’t waste your time if you buy a car from us, as we’ll fix all the paperwork, including the insurance, so that you can legally drive away with your new car!! We are agents for Linea Directa (the Spanish equivalent of Direct Line), or if want to use another insurance company, then we’ll sort that out for you! Willem Cars have a good long track record in the area. That means with the help of our sales team, we can do a deal of finding you the car that you want for the price that you want. We have new cars coming into our garage every week, so it’s worth keeping in

TANTALISING THE FUTURE

ASTON MARTIN celebrated its 100th anniversary by unveiling a concept car inspired by the firm's famous Le Mans victory. The CC100 Speedster Concept Car has been designed by Aston Martin to give 'glimpses of potential future design directouch with us to see what we have and don’t tion'. forget that all vehicles are welcome for partBut its main inspiration is from the iconic exchange deals. DBR1 racer which Carroll Shelby and Roy Do feel happy to pop in for a free no obliSalvadori drove to victory at the 1959 Le gation estimate on your car or anything in Mans. part-exchange. And if you need help with The CC100 concept car made its global getting your car through the ITV test, then debut on may 19, completing a lap of the we’ll help you with that as well. Ask for famous Nordschleife at Germany's Pieter and Hilde, who will give you all the 24 Hours of Nurburgring race. help you need, and a free cup of coffee as Aston Martin has fitted the well, as we give you a hassle-free experiCC100 with a 6-litre V12 ence. engine - giving the roofPlease call us on 965-419-508 or you can less motor a 0-62mph e-mail us of course: info@willemcars.com time of four seconds and Located at the N332, our office is in La a top speed of 180mph. Marina: - Ctra Alicante-Cartagena KM 80. It is understood the Directions: Coming from Alicante: one-off rocket, which We are on the N-332: you take the exit La will be shown around Marina Playa (next exit after Santa Pola) the world as part of You will find us directly at the Petronor Aston Martin's 100th Gas station on the left birthday celebrations, Coming from Torrevieja on the N-332 has been sold to a Follow the N332 towards Alicante. Take wealthy client for around the exit La Marina Playa Drive through the £500,000. village La Marina towards Santa Pola Dr Ulrich Bez, boss of Aston (approx. 5 km). Martin, drove the CC100 at the Nurburgring. We are approx. 1km on the right after you He was joined by British racing legend Sir leave the village of La Marina. (Sign end la Stirling Moss, who was behind the wheel of Marina) next to Petronor Gas station.

the original DBR1 when it won the 1,000km race at The 'Ring in 1959. Dr Bez said: 'CC100 is the epitome of everything that is great about Aston Martin. 'It represents our fantastic sporting heritage, our exceptional design capability, our superb engineering know-how and, above all, our adventurous spirit. 'I have nicknamed it 'DBR100' because of its affinity to the great 1959 race-win-

Friday, May 24, 2013

G GLIMPSE OF E OF SPEED ning cars and, of course, our 100-year anniversary in 2013. 'But this car is more, even, than a simple "birthday present" to ourselves: it shows that the soul of Aston Martin - the thing that differentiates us from all the other

car makers out there - is as powerful as ever and I very much hope that everyone who catches a glimpse of it at the Nurburgring today enjoys seeing it.' The original DBR1 is now regarded as one of the most valuable cars in the world with Ascot dealer Talacrest advertising it for £20 million last year.

At the time, Talacrest boss John Collins called the DBR1 'the holy grail of motoring', and 'the most recognisable and valuable Aston Martin in history'. The CC100 concept was designed and built in less than six months at Aston Martin's global headquarters in Gaydon, Warwickshire. Measuring almost four and a half metres nose to tail, and more than two metres wide, the Speedster is made from lightweight carbon fibre. Miles Nurnberger, chief exterior designer, said: 'The brief was very simple, yet enormously testing: create something that reflects the 100 years of Aston Martin heritage and signals the future of the brand. 'The idea of an iconic speedster concept that nods to the Le Mans - and Nurburgring - winning cars of 1959 soon came, and we have had complete freedom to shape this car.' Marek Reichman, design director, added: 'I'm extremely proud of the entire team at Gaydon for creating this remarkable sports car concept in such a short time. 'The need to create a truly fitting tribute to 100 years of the Aston Martin brand has brought out the creativity and talent that makes Aston Martin such an exceptional luxury sports car maker.'

Back on the move with La Marina Services

LA MARINA VEHICLE SERVICES can cater for all of your motor repair and servicing needs, from mechanical work to accident damage repairs. The service employs some of the best UK trained mechanics on the Costas, who share more than 25 years of experience in the industry. The company is proud to be a part of a UK-wide automotive network comprising garages, MOT Centres and dismantling yards. This is great news for clients as it allows the garage to source parts which are expensive or impossible to find in Spain, import then from the UK and fit them at a snip of the cost. The network enables the garage to extend a convenient and cost effective ‘find a part’ supply service, providing high quality new and used parts for any vehicle. La Marina Vehicle Services is the best place to go for affordable brakes, batteries and exhausts and can even help to

make your journey more enjoyable, by attending to features such as air-conditioning with re-gassing starting from only 30 euros. Servicing is available for all makes and models of vehicles, and the garage is equipped with a highly sensitive computerised diagnostic scanner to trace the root of the problem. La Marina Vehicle Services are specialists in supplying new and part worn tyres starting at only €15 (fitted and balanced). In addition to this service, La Marina is proud to offer customers a Home Collection service. A mechanic will arrive at your home, remove the wheel and return it same day with a new tyre fitted. Let La Marina get your vehicle ready for that all-important ITV Inspection. A number of checks are carried out on your vehicle to check that it is safe to drive and road worthy. For more information visit our website www.lamarinavehicleservices.com

Friday, May 24, 2013

TEN CRAZIEST SINGLE SEATER ROAD CARS Do you hate backseat drivers? What about all passengers in general? We have ten road-legal single seaters that would be perfect for you.

As it turns out, there haven't been many single seat road cars. Cars are supposed to transport people, and building a car to only hold one person isn't particularly efficient. Moreover, what's the point of a sports car where you can't scare a person sitting next to you? Consequently, most single seaters turn out to be 1+1s, with little seats on the side or tiny seats in the back. The Tango electric car, the Caparo T1, the LCC Rocket, the Tramontana R, just about every Le Mans race car converted to road use- these all have room for at least half a person with no legs. These ones, though, are the real deal.

British sports cars, the Mono Posto was more of a throwback to the old single seat speed record Italian cars of the 1950s. Very cool.

9.) Formula Ford Road Car

things for road use, though they can't top 50 miles an hour.

7.) Vanwall GPR-12

10.) Mazda Miata Mono Posto

apparently you stop by pulling up on the wheel. Car design used to much more free form.

3.) Lamborghini Egoista

Ford decided to stick some headlights onto one of their no-wing trainer race cars and called it a day. It is as close as you'll get to a race car for the road because, well, it's a race car that's road legal.

8.) Mini Hotrod

Mazda built this back in 2000. Where the regular Miata is a tribute to classic

A few Germans thought up the idea of a hot road built off of a riding motor "after a few beers," as all good ideas are. Amazingly, the ultra-strict German vehicle approval department approved these

Back in the 1950s, even the highestlevel race cars were much closer in design to road cars, with their front engine layout and fairly basic suspension. You can actually buy a replica of one of those great single seaters, the Vanwall, with Jaguar V12 power up front.

The supercar of choice for lonely multimillionaires. As mad, weird, and excessive as a Lamborghini should be.

2.) Rinspeed ADVANTIGE R1

6.) SUB Threewheeler

For some reason, the idea of an open three-wheeler where the passenger seat is taken up by a Suzuki TL1000R engine didn't catch on. Shame.

5.) Exomotive Atomic

Much as we think of Lamborghini as being off the wall, nobody does crazy like Rinspeed. This 2001 concept (the R1 name is "R" raised to the power of one) was supposed to be 'green' since it runs on bio-mass fuel, but we're more interested in the cockpit that leans into turns.

1.) Mazda Suitcase Car It's a car that's built into a suitcase. The idea was to go on a business trip, open up your suitcase, and then be able to drive wherever you needed to go in the city you're visiting.

In the same vein as the SUB is Exomitive's Atomic. This one has four wheels, but the passenger side is still filled up with a Yamaha R1 motor.

4.) Neander Cyclecar We have no idea if more than two of these things were built by Neumann Neander in Germany, but the design is just amazing. It's a three-wheeled oneseater that leans with the turns, and

Friday, May 24, 2013

Caroline, Queen of speed The Courier dropped in on the Velocity Racing “Festival of Speed” at the Cartagena Race Circuit earlier this month. There was a full programme of action over the weekend to enjoy. First out on the race track was the Pace Car with an open circuit right behind it, so that you could have the fun driving behind on the circuit in your own car! Next up were the Race cars with drivers having the visiting kids as passengers! That got everybody right in the mood for the main event of Oval racing. And first up, were the hire cars, which were the specially prepared race cars from Velocity racing that anyone could hire to race for the afternoon. We met up with Caroline: - the only female (and one of the fastest) driver, and this is what she told The Courier in an exclusive chat. Can you tell us a little about yourself? I am mum to Amy (15) and Emily (9) and wife to Steve; we have lived in Spain for nearly 10 years now. I run the Embroidery Workshop which is based in Jacarilla. What made you become a racing driver?

I have always like cars and bikes we used to follow a lot of racing when we were in the UK. I did some embroidered shirts for Velocity last year and thought we best go watch the racing and it all started from there. We went to watch a race meeting one evening and Steve had arranged for me to have a go as a surprise and after that I had the bug. How long have you been racing? I had a couple of race meetings in November where I used the hire cars Velocity have at the track, which are available to anyone. My husband bought the car for me for Christmas and I started racing in February at the begin-

ning of the new season. Have you won any races? A few. (We at The Courier think she is being modest) What does it feel like beating the boys? I think you get a big buzz when you win anything but knowing I have just beaten the boys puts a big grin on my face. I think once I am out on the track I am no different to the rest of the racers, It is only when you come in and hear “did that bird just win” that I think, yes , Yes I Did!!!! Is it easy to race? I don’t think it is easy, it is hard work, although the race meetings are early evening I am sure it will be very

hard in the summer when it is very hot and you have to a wear race suit and crash helmet, but other than that watch where the other cars are and get your foot down! What car do you race? Yellow and purple car!! I have a BMW with a 2 litre fuel injected Ford Pinto engine Is racing an expensive sport? You have to have a race licence and after that it is 40€ per meeting, So no I do not think it is expensive, you can spend as little or as much as you want on your car, obviously the car has to

be set up to meet the regulations and have a roll cage and there is the general wear but after that it is up to you. How does your family feel about you racing? It is very much a family sport for us, Steve my husband does all the maintenance and checks between races and the rest of my children and parents are there cheering me on, as I go down the pit late I can hear my youngest shouting “go mummy go!!” Would you recommend racing to others and if so why? I think if racing and cars is your thing because you can hire the cars at the track it is a perfect opportunity to have a go and see if you like it. The next race dates are:

Jun 2nd 2013 @ 19:00 Jun 16th 2013 @ 19:00 Jun 30th 2013 @ 19:00 Jul 14th 2013 @ 19:00 Jul 28th 2013 @ 19:00 Aug 11th 2013 @ 19:00 Aug 25th 2013 @ 19:00 Sep 8th 2013 @ 19:00 Sep 22nd 2013 @ 19:00 Oct 6th 2013 @ 19:00 Oct 20th 2013 @ 19:00 Nov 3rd 2013 @ 19:00 Nov 17th 2013 @ 19:00 Dec 1st 2013 @ 19:00 Dec 15th 2013 @ 19:00 Future events at Velocity Cartagena race circuit include, 14 - 18 years old kids driving lessons. Adults can also hire a race car for the day. Velocity are always looking for track stewards. Also any companies that would like to Sponsor your own car for the year please get in contact with Martin on 674 256 147

Friday, May 24, 2013

LEGION’S ARMY OF FUNDRAISERS Royal British Legion volunteers on the Orihuela Costa have smashed through the six figure barrier in their fund-raising. Over 100 thousand Euros has now been banked since the RBL formed an Orihuela Costa branch over five years ago, and that’s despite the recession. The Orihuela Costa Branch has over 150 members, and has been raising money through a wide variety of events right across the area. Besides the well-publicised “Poppy Appeal”, the branch has a Welfare Committee that has spent over 13 thousand Euros on vital medical equipment as well as helping the needy with their utility bills, and even vital food items. The Welfare team is part of the Legion's extensive Poppy Support services and as such, if you are serving,

Zoe helps Torrevieja swimmers pass test

have served or are the dependant or carer of someone who has served in the UK's Armed Forces, then you may qualify for some help from them. Looking ahead, the Costa Blanca launch for the 2013

Poppy Appeal will be in Benidorm on Wednesday, October 16th, with a parade through the town featuring Legion members, watched by Benidorm’s Mayor and the British Consul, Paul Rodwell.

Zoe Connolly made a splash amongst the medals for Club Natacion Torrevieja last weekend, with two successes in a big meeting hosted by Elche Swimming Club. The National Trophy event attracted swimmers from right across Spain, with Torrevieja taking on some of the strongest clubs in the country. Zoe nabbed a bronze on the first day with a personal best in her 100 metres Backstroke event, and then she went one better on the Sunday, coming second in the 100 metres Breaststroke. It could have been a hat-trick of medals for the young swimmer, but they just missed out in the 100 metres Medley relay, coming fourth. Many of the Torrevieja swimmers gained new personal bests over the weekend in an event that tested everybody’s stamina.

FROM CELLULOID TO THE STAGE! Almoradi’s pipes of joy

Hollywood glitz hit San Fulgencio with the sellout Movies & Musicals show from the Cardenal Belluga Theatre Group. There were more than 20 recreations of great movie scenes, with highlights including songs

from Les Miserables and an eye-catching finale with everybody singing the Lullaby of Broadway. Besides having fun, the Theatre Group were able to present 1 thousand Euros to the SEM local Ambulance service as

well as a donation to the Paul Cunningham Nurses in memory of a much missed member of the Group, Val Walker. And if you missed the show, then don’t worry! It’s going to re-staged later in the year.

Scottish pipes and drums were just one of the highlights for Almoradi’s first ever European Day last Saturday. The day celebrated all the different nationalities that live in the town, with a mix of entertainment and stalls selling products from across the continent. The Torrevieja Pipes and Drums captured everybody’s attention with a lunchtime display, after everything was kicked off by the Harry Valentino Band. Food and drink was supplied in Spanish, English, and German styles, and local charities like the Paul Cunningham Nurses were strongly represented. Almoradi council are hoping that the event will be become an annual fixture in the local calendar.

Pop meets opera this Tuesday night (May 28th) at the Los Rosales Restaurant in Guardamar. The music of Katherine Jenkins, Cliff Richard, and Luciano Pavarotti will feature on a special Variety Show, with a raffle in aid of the Elche

Children’s Home. The latest evening from Night Out Promotions will include Maria O’Hara doing her Katherine Jenkins tribute act, whilst Danny Kay will feature the sixties sounds of Cliff Richard and Hank Marvin. And there’s

the versatile Paul Michael tackling a wide range from Meatloaf to Pavarotti! Tickets will be 12.50 Euros for the show and meal. with the doors open at 7.30pm. They’re available from – Restaurante Los Rosales Guardamar; Cards

and More La Marina; The Post Box Dona Pepa; The Post Room, Benijofar; The Hire Centre, San Luis; and Easy Post, Los Montesinos. You can also make a reservation on www.lrshows.com or call 606192691/697501992.

Hitting the high notes for Elche kids

FUN, FUN WITHOUT THE RUN!

Everyone is walking or running for charity these days but at El Raso (Quesada/Guardamar) off the Lemon Tree Road this Sunday, May 26, there is a Walk with a Difference - it's a 2.5k stroll to the lake and back and even then, if this is too much for some - there is a short option of just 500 metres. The 2.5 k walk registration is at 9.45a.m. at Bar Sofia, the 500 metre shuffle and Treasure Hunt starts at The Old Finca with Bucks Fizz or a Small Beer, courtesy of Dee Williams, owner of Bar Sofia.

2.5k registration is at 9.45am. at Bar Sofia, 500m Walk and Treasure Hunt registration 11am. at The Old Finca. Back at Bar Sofia 12 noon is a Fashion Show by Creana followed by entertainment until 3pm or even a little later! Emilly Hullman and Tony Moore will be there, while Maria O'Hara and Tony Kelly have been invited. This walk has been organised in aid of CICRA to help fund the research into Crohn's Disease in children.

Friday, May 24, 2013

MY FORMULA FOR UK EUROVISION SUCCESS

David Cameron is losing control of the Tory party over Europe. So says snake-in-the-grass former Tory cabinet minister Lord Howe, who was one of those who ganged up on Maggie Thatcher, eventually bringing her down. Comments like “Britain will lose global influence in the world if we eventually quit Europe”, cut no ice with me, especially knowing who they came from! What influence anyway? If our influence cannot get us into the top ten of the Eurovision Song Contest, we've lost it anyway. Seriously though, if Britain had more influence, Europe wouldn't be in such a parlous state as it is today. But then, Britain sometimes takes leave of its senses and votes Labour and heaven help Europe then, if it took notice of anything a socialist Britain says! Anyway, there are already enough socialists ruining Europe! By the way, over Eurovision, it was good to see political voting taking more of a back seat this year. There was no doubt that Denmark deserved to win, with a cracking song, delivered by a lovely girl who undoubtedly would have launched a thousand ships. Britain needs to get some serious songwriters on the job, providing an instantly catchy, not easily forgotten tune. They should also choose a brilliant singer who is young and sexy. If retiring at 34 is good enough for Victoria Beckham, it's about time that singers learned the lesson. By the age of around 40, their depth of voice is not what it was, and, as brilliant as Bonnie Tyler was, she

struggled to cope with those deep notes and quite clearly the song was not written with her in mind. Perhaps she needed something where she was able to get her voice into sixth gear. The likes of Amazon and the many other international companies who put their trading offices in tax havens to avoid tax, sickens me. It gives them an edge over companies in higher tax countries and strips those of much needed revenue. Amazon paid just £2.4m tax last year, despite £4bn sales. Worse still, the tax bill was almost as much as the £2.5m in government grants that Amazon received over the same period. These were paid out as inducements to set up their business in high unemployment areas. As if they wouldn't do that anyway, where wage

costs would be low. The public is rightly appalled at the antics of these companies, but who are the real culprits? Yes, it's the politicians! And what do the bulk of them do? They get into bed with as many companies as they can and are only too glad to become directors on multiple boards for the extra income. They then end up wearing two hats. Are they likely to collectively vote to rid the world of tax havens when they are benefiting from them? What hope is there to stop the rich getting richer if we have these wretched politicians getting their snouts into as many troughs as they possibly can? These tax tricks from the big boys are no worse than the countless thousands of small business people who also play the same game. I

sat among a few who ran their own businesses and who have since retired over here. They were praising each other about the many ways they had managed to creatively avoid paying as much tax as possible. I quietly got angry, because as an employee, I was trapped into the PAYE system and couldn't avoid paying a penny in tax. So, one rule for the employees, and another rule for the bosses. Wrong or what? All perfectly legal, of course, but morally wrong. The sooner we get a moral dimension into business the better, but it has to be an international effort. Britain, sadly, can't do it alone. By the way, Labour described Amazon's tax contribution as "pathetic." What did Labour do when in power to close the tax loopholes? Nothing. This takes me conveniently on to another story, which shows a Labour councillor at her most pathetic. The Somerset village of Radstock has a pop-

ulation of just under 6 thousand people, which includes just 16 Muslims. A Labour councillor objected to the flag of St.George being flown in case it might offend Muslims with its links to the Crusades as well as the flag being linked by some people to the BNP. Her job is a university lecturer, and its no wonder some universities are becoming not fit for purpose. It really is about time that such crazy people are ousted from councils, with their stupid views doing much to damage Britain internally, and its standing in the world. These politically correct numskulls have inflicted so much harm, getting right up the noses of ordinary people and making a far bigger division between cultures and religions than otherwise it would have been. As for the Muslims, they were reported as not being offended by the flag flying in any way. Good for them. Had they been, I would have told them exactly what they could do. Staying with councils, we all know about bus lanes that have been introduced to supposedly to speed up public transport, which is fair enough. Unfortunately, most councils view them as yet another way to raise money (rather than putting a halt on spending other people's money). When a motorist saw there was a fire engine behind him with flashing lights, he pulled over to the bus lane to let it pass and, yes, you've guessed it, he was caught on a camera and received a £30 fine. The jobsworths hadn't bothered to examine the footage properly and just issued the fine. The motorist wisely wanted to view the video and it could be clearly seen why he had pulled into the bus lane to make way for the fire engine. He

appealed, and the £30 fine was refunded. He demanded an apology and this was given too. Fair enough, but councils shouldn't have so many of the powers they have to make people's lives a misery. This obvious error could have so easily been avoided had the minion done his job properly. Perhaps if a few of these were publicly sacked, it would stop it, especially if a council had to pay compensation every time it screwed up. Did you read the story in the UK papers that retirement can seriously damage your health? The Institute of Economic Affairs surveyed people aged between 50 and 70, concluding that they were healthier while they worked, compared their condition if they were retired. The survey found a small boost to health for a few months after retirement but then that quickly tailed off. In general, people got more depressed and were far more likely to suffer from a physical ailment, as opposed to those who carried on working. Well, I'm 4 years into retirement and feel just as good as 20 years ago. Perhaps moving to Spain is what it's all about, or perhaps it's keeping active, or both. Doing this rant every week; being vice president for our community; charity work; getting involved with the local church; and being run ragged by things my wife wants me to do, means that I don't have a minute's peace! All of this might be the formula to a good long life! Do I recommend it? Yes, I wouldn't have it any other way, but we will be going back to the UK to avoid the Spanish summer heat, and for a welcome rest!

injured was taken to a hospital, while the other was treat-

ed at the base infirmary. The Legion is an elite corps within the Spanish armed forces. The main task of the Sappers is to speed up the movement of combat forces over difficult terrain, as well maintaining fortifications and communications.

Explosion kills three

THREE people have died and two others were injured in an explosion at a military base in Almeria, last Monday. The blast happened at the headquarters of the Spanish Legion's Sappers Unit. One of the

Friday, May 24, 2013

THE NEW MEDAESTHETICS “MINI PHOTOSHOOT” artist! You can be a gorgeous glam gran or a troublesome teenage tiger for the day!

Have you ever fancied being a model for the day?? Or do you know someone that needs a confidence boost? Do you have a party coming up or a big birthday? We can cater for small groups on request… At Medaesthetics you´re guaranteed a warm welcome and a friendly smile. This month we are launching a new kind of luxury package…

Mini Photo Shoot

Hair Have your hair; styled, cut (and coloured if you like) to look like a movie star or a fresh new summer style for those afternoon lunches in the sun and nights out on the town.

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Let our photographer take you through various poses with specific props and paraphernalia to get a few shots of you and your new look. You will even be presented with you favourite photo of the day in a frame to take away with you! You can treat yourself or a friend to this fabulous gift, whether it´s a vintage look or a crazy chick you´re after we´ve just the package for you. Competition Time: The first person to book goes home with 2 framed photographs! Prices are from 65 euros – 95 euros

Your eyelashes as you age Unfortunately, thinning eyelashes are part of the aging process. So, if your lashes don't seem to have the same length and fullness they once did, don't worry, in most cases, there's no reason for alarm. Still, you should share any concerns with your health care provider. Eyelash growth has four stages: growth, resting, shedding and re-growth. Your lashes continuously cycle through these four stages. As we age, eyelash follicles (the openings in the skin through which the lash grows) can slow or stop producing new lashes altogether. Aside from age, there are other reasons someone might not have enough lashes. These may include: • Scrubbing or rubbing eyelashes too hard, which can damage the skin and cause delicate eyelashes to fall out • Heredity • Medical conditions

• Some medications and treatments Talk with your health care provider about your concerns; he or she can help get to the root of the problem. Is there anything I can do about it? The good news is there are a number of options to help give the appearance of fuller, longer lashes. Many of them are temporary fixes, but they can help you feel better about your appearance. And let’s face it, aside from helping to protect our eyes from debris, wind and sunlight, long thick lashes have always been a sign of beauty. Some of the possible options include: • Make-up. Many women turn to make-up, most commonly mascara, which comes in lash extending or thickening formulations. Be sure to replace your mascara every three months to avoid infection.

• Over-the-counter cosmetic products and lashboosting serums. These have vitamins and moisturizers to enhance lashes. • False eyelashes. Available as long strips to be placed on your eyelid or as single hairs, these are often affixed with glue to supplement existing lashes and can often cause trauma to the eyelashes that can result in even thinner lashes. • Speak with your dermatologist. If you’ve noticed that your eyelashes have thinned over time, talk to your dermatologist to see which treatments might be right for you. • Eyelash transplants. This surgical procedure actually transfers scalp follicles onto the eyelid, and is generally used in extreme cases. As always, talk with your health care provider and make sure to weigh the pros and cons of all options.

HOW STRONG ARE YOUR BODY’S DEFENCES?

How often do you visit the doctor with an illness and receive a prescription for your immune system? Even though modern medicine recognises the role our immunity plays in overall health, very little is done about it in therapy. There are drugs to treat infections, manage inflammation, reduce pain, support the function of organs such as the heart, liver, kidney etc. But strangely enough, there are hardly any prescription drugs to boost the immune system. And no tests or investigations are available to determine its functionality. Imagine a walled kingdom from the middle ages complete with watch towers and soldiers on horse-back.

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to machimannu@gmail.com

Now, I am no advocate of wars but I use this illustration because the word ‘defence’ usually conjures up such scenarios. Imagine that every so often, this kingdom is unsuccessfully raided by invaders. But each time this occurs, rather than reinforce the ranks of the soldiers and repair the bridged walls, the goats and sheep are fed more, so that the soldiers will eat more meat. And the streets are kept cleaner, to provide fresher air for the soldiers. Surely these are also important for the survival of the kingdom. But it is clear to

see that unless the kingdom repairs its defences, it will be destroyed. It’s the same with the human body when its defences are left unchecked. Our immune system is made up of different types of white blood cells. These cells are produced in specialised organs of the body such as; red bone marrow, tonsils, thymus as well as glands found in the stomach and intestines. Leucocytes are a type of white blood cells that literally eat-up foreign microbes, especially bacteria. When foreign microbes enter the body, their outer coating is

immediately covered in tiny proteins called antigens. These antigens make it possible for leucocytes to recognise them as foreign and then engulf them. The pus that drains from wounds is mainly made of leucocytes and dead microbes. Then you have lymphocytes. These mainly produce antibodies….substances that attach to foreign microbes and kill them directly. There are several sub types of lymphocytes. Some of them go in search of foreign microbes in the body, only to make a copy of their structure. This information is then sent to other types of lymphocytes that produce antibodies against the microbes. Killer cells are a kind of lymphocyte that manufactures deadly chemicals against microbes. Fighting off foreign microbes is only one aspect of our immune system. It also prevents the uncontrolled growth of normal cells which causes cancer. Normally the cells in our body are programmed to stop growing and die when they grow old, in a process known as Apoptosis. However this process can malfunction, resulting in the production of cancer cells. Cancer cells are normal cells that have become uncontrollable.

When this occurs, our immune system seeks out these malfunctioned cells and destroys them. That’s why a weak immune system also predisposes us to cancer. Our immune system is also capable of recognising foreign substances such as toxins. However this delicate process has become overwhelmed due to the extreme contamination of our envi-

ronment. This toxic overload bears down on our immune system very heavily, and is the cause of the cause of the rising incidences of allergies and other more serious illnesses. Reishi extract is a potent immune stimulant. For more information, call 965071745. Call 965071745 For a Full Body Diagnostic Scan.

Friday, May 24, 2013

SKIPPING A BEAT SHOWS YOU ARE Q MISSING SOMETHING

I have been experiencing occasional rapid heartbeat. It seems to get worse when I am doing some physical work around the house. My doctor did an ECG which was normal. He prescribed a drug which has helped a bit but gives me headaches so I have stopped taking it. What can I do?

There are a number of reasons why we experience irregularities with our heart beat. This commonly occurs when our hormonal organs become dysfunctional, such as when the thyroid glands start producing excessive amounts of thyroxine hormone. Many medications especially those prescribed for heart problems can cause irregular and rapid heartbeats. Heavy metals such as lead, mercury as well as many toxins from plastics are also known to cause or even worsen heart problems. However the most likely cause of your condition is a deficiency of a nutrient,

Co enzyme Q10. This nutrient plays a significant role in the production of energy in the body. Energy is produced by the mitochondria in our cells. The mitochondria are like generators, and have been called the ‘Power house’ of cells. And Coenzyme Q 10 is like the fuel needed by the generators. Mitochondria and Coenzyme Q10 are found abundantly in organs in the body that work hard such as the heart, brain and kidneys. About a third of the weight of the heart comes from the mitochondria. Many studies have confirmed that people with cardiac problems have very low levels of Coenzyme Q 10. Co-enzyme Q10 used to be very poorly absorbed into the body until 2006 when ubiquinol was discovered. Ubiquinol is the active and easily absorbed version of Co Q10. I have used ubiquinol to successfully treat all kinds of heart prob-

nity also gets a good boost after restful sleep. It is well known that when people are deprived of sleep, their likelilems. This is especially true why. Of course there is a steps you can take to hood of catching a cold sigwhen other likely causes of possibility that you may have enhance your immune sys- nificantly increases. The irregular or rapid heartbeat inherited this problem, but in tem. A metabolic detox is number of hours we sleep is such as the presence of tox- any case you can still do a lot always a good starting point. not as important as the qualins, have been taking care of. to improve your health. If the body is overwhelmed ity of sleep …how deep we I have been having Taking antibiotics is likely with toxins, it is difficult for sleep. Physical exercises are recurrent ear infec- going to cause more harm any form of therapy to work also very important. And this tions as long as I can than good. Antibiotics work effectively. In addition, toxins doesn’t mean going to the remember. The only differ- blind. And so cannot differen- suppress our immune sys- gym and spending many ence now is that I have tiate between normal cells in tem. Pecta Sol is an effective hours torturing the body. them more often. Normally the body and harmful detox agent. This natural Many of us are discouraged a course of amoxicillin microbes. In addition to substance formulated from by such mindless workouts. antibiotics clears it, but destroying normal healthy citrus rind is known to Walking briskly for 30 minthey don’t seem to work cells, antibiotics also kill off increase the excretion of utes every day is really a ‘good bacteria’ in the stom- heavy metals such as mercu- good form of exercising. And anymore. Kindly help ach that contribute to main- ry, lead and cadmium, and of course good nutrition I believe your immune taining a healthy immune other toxins from the body. A plays a role as well. Fresh system is severely comsystem. These beneficial number of clinical trials have organic foods are highly recpromised. Especially since bacteria such as lactobacillus also demonstrated that Pecta ommended if you can find you’ve had the problem for and bifidus suppress the Sol enhances the immune them. Fruits and vegetables as long as you can rememgrowth of harmful bacteria. system. Echinacea is also are high in vitamins, minerber. One of the hallmarks of a When we take antibiotics, well known, and commonly als, antioxidants, compromised immune systhey destroy these good used in hospitals in Europe bioflavonoids and other nutritem is recurrent infections. microbes, thereby promoting to enhance the immune sys- ents that keep us healthy. And this usually manifests as the growth of ‘bad bacteria’. tem. Reishi extract is another low grade infection without Antibiotics are also known to powerful immune stimulant. It any symptoms. What’s beta glucan, FOR A FULL BODY DIAGslow down the activities of contains: important is to figure out why white blood cells. This makes steroids, triterpenes and NOSTIC SCAN AND MEDyour immune system is CONSULTATION them sluggish and slow to many other substances that ICAL weak. A comprehensive diagCALL 965 071 745 destroy bacteria and other support the function of our nostic scan should tell us harmful pathogens. Here are immune system. Our immu-

Friday, May 24, 2013

Horrorscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 You have been bogged down with trivia for much of the year so far, but this is about to change. Mercury has decided to up the ante in its attempt to tease all Aries onto the 'astral plane of creativity'. From Monday you will be blessed with the highest form of crossword solving powers, and word search puzzles will be a breeze.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Oversized carrots are particularly well starred this week but not courgettes or parsnips. Beware brussel sprouts especially in soups and fancy dress costumes. This week your destiny will become clear in the form of a loud pop or bang. Sausages are well starred in family meals this week, perhaps in a sausage hot pot or you may even invent a new way to cook a sausage.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 As a cynic about most things, you rarely accept on face value the advice given by horoscope columns. Up to a point this has been a wise choice, however this week your ability to separate the wrong from the likely will be hampered in a complicated frenzy involving a popular boy band from times past.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 A happy coincidence will help you connect the dots in a strange dot to dot puzzle that has been troubling you and a friend. Checked shirts and baggy trousers will do their best to help perk up an otherwise dull week. This week look to the old woman who has the right idea when it comes to cooking fish.

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 You will mishear a person who you believe has just made a serious and unnecessary blasphemy in front of children or old people. How you handle this situation could either make this week zing with opportunity, or, after a vicious verbal street fight, return you back to your usual dull nothing much happens around these parts rut.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Exotic pets, and ordinary mundane nibbly type pets, are well starred this week, favoring the exotic ones. Bamboo is clearly in the charts, and pets with cute small chewy teeth stand a 3% chance of tooth breakage. Do animals have dentists? We haven't a clue, probably best to check that your pet insurance is up to date because it sounds expensive to fix.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Paper folding and paper cutting will come into your life unexpectedly this week. Unbeknownst to you, but beknownst to folding experts, you will perform a very rare fold that Monks in Tibet believe to be evil. Ensure your folded paper is not put on public show, at least until after Wednesday to be on the safe side.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Have you ever seen the television show 24 which stars Keifer Sutherland? Well, the whole of the week is going to be pretty much like 24 is for a single day. Pop to the supermarket to stock up on energy bars and food and drink you can consume while running and ducking from unexpected explosions.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Sun drenched beaches, drinkies with umbrellas in them and tasty savory nibbles, are this weeks highly starred activities. The planets all favor drinks of a highly colored nature - favour bright mauve or yellow drinks with blue (not purple) umbrellas. Jumping up and down on the spot is a favored exercise this week except if you live near an earthquake fault line.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Computers will strive to bring you down this week, especially Capricorn users still struggling along with Windows 98, and Vista Home Basic. Greet each bug with a happy sigh, which is pretty much all you can do if you are unfortunate enough to have Windows 98 because there really is no hope for you now that Microsoft have stopped supporting the operating system.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 This week the planets predict a plate whizzing past your head, fractionally missing it, shouting, punching, and the possibility of vendettas. But to most Acquarians such events are just the spice of life and you will smile philosophically as the machinations of the world machinate.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Dangerous sports are badly starred this week, although having just said that, according to your planetary charts, this is the least worst week for dangerous sports for the rest of the month... Skydiving, bungee jumping, point jumping, rock climbing and cliff diving are all badly starred, although throughout June and July they are critically badly starred, and in August they are double critically badly starred.

Friday, May 24, 2013

When you are on a The full monty in el Raso Holiday or just away…. We care for your pet At Dominos, it's all about your pet's comfort. DOMINO Pet Hotel provides boarding & cattery services that meet the highest standards. The kennels and cattery are specially designed to provide maximum comfort, activity and respect to all different characters of our guest. At the same time ensures a clean dry, surface at all times. Comfortable warm and cosy beds, toys and love make the stay for your Pet to a relax holiday. Daily grooming is at Domino’s a guaranteed daily service, and a free wellness Bath on the last Day of the stay. After a stay at Domino´s Pet Hotel your Doggie will go home looking great and feeling great. For Cat’s they offer a wonderful safe Cattery park with many scratching posts and activity centres, Cat sofas and a lot of natural Plants. Pet care right from check in. If your pet is ill or need medication Domino will follow up exactly your advice without any extra costs. We warmly welcome as well Dogs and Cats with handicap and pets they need a special care. Domino offers a full 24 hour service for your Pet. Domino is working with the best Vet clinics and offers all services from Vaccination, Blood test and small Operations during the stay. Domino is one of the biggest Pet Shipper in Spain and a very height recommended Pet Shipper of the biggest Airlines. Domino Pet is an official Agent for Lufthansa, Iberia,

British Airways, Monarch Cargo, Thompson Cargo and Thomas cook, Jet 2 … in whole Spain and Portugal; they ship Daily Pet’s to the UK and Worldwide (USA, Australia, Dubai….). All Airports will be served with personally check in and free check of Paperwork. Pick up from your home in Spain can by arrange for a minimum of extra charge. A very big stock of Travel Crates makes sure that you have always the right size for your Pet for the Best prices. We are authentic when we say we care about our clients. Our philosophy: We care about our clients and take great pride in the service we provide. We also recognize the role that a company like DOMINO PET CARE should have is a good communication with our Clients. A service with you in mind. We will take care of everything on your behalf so that you have peace of mind. …no client is too difficult for us. See What Makes Us Different For more information please contact: Domino Pet Care SL, Tel: 654168366 www.dominopetshipping.com/ E-mail:info@dominopetshipping.com . FACEBOOK: Domino Petshipping Worldwide We will answer all your questions

On Friday 17 May the Full Monty was performed by 7 local hunks from El Raso all in the name of Charity. A 400 strong crowd was in attendance, all in full spirit and enjoying the evening’s entertainment. To start the evening off a large group of line dancers strutted their stuff around the square and music was provided by DJ for the evening Mr Rob Fowler. Rob also enlisted a friend, Country and Western singer Tim McKay. After Tim had got the ever growing crowd in high spirits, the brave lads took to the dance floor, all very nervous and with teeth chattering and well prepared to get their kits off. The music blasted out and with the adrenalin taking over the brave dancers carried out three dance routines which included a strip thanks to the patient teaching skills of Lianne Fowler, Choreographer. The lighting and sound equipment provided by Ian of Sierra Karaoke all added to the staging of the event. Many thanks to Ian for his technical knowledge and his time which was all given free of charge. The El Raso Hunks included Dave, owner of Ruby’s bar who was joined by Steven Richmond co-owner of Bar Med, Rob Fowler , Nigel Wright, Chris Lewis, Jordon Butler with Dez Darlington completing the line up. The theme was in the style of the Blues

Brothers with full costumes to match. Many thanks is extended to Jan Taylor and Tracy of Ruby’s Bar who took time out to go shopping for the outfits. The thongs were purchased and provided by Steven & Andrew of Bar Med, no surprise there guys! Grateful thanks is also extended to Mr John Grigg, Mr Chris Issac and Danny from Property Choice for their very large cash donations. A huge, huge thanks has got to go to the people of El Raso and surrounding areas for their fantastic support in this event and hopefully it will put El Raso back on the map where it belongs. An overwhelming feeling of proudness was expressed by everyone who took part and for the hard work that was put into making the evening a huge success. Early indications show that the event raised well in excess of 4,000 euros. The Full Monty can be viewed on You Tube under the heading FULL MONTY EL RASO. Please continue to give your support to the El Raso HUNKS and help them provide Little RUBY with the money required for her costly treatment in America and get her back home to Teeside to enjoy her childhood with family and friends. All donations would be very much appreciated. On a final note a VERY BIG THANK YOU to all from Ruby’s Bar in El Raso.

Black seven house car boot sale is back!

Saturday and Sunday mornings means bargain hunting at Black Seven House Car Boot Sale. Previously based in Algorfa, Black Seven House has now moved to new premises. The huge sale takes place on the CV945 main road into Los Montesinos and is well signposted. There is a warm friendly atmosphere, with stalls based inside and outside the huge building and live entertainment is provided on both days. With a cash raffle held on both days where you can win up to 100 Euros that should buy quite a few bargains! There is a large Bar area in the main building that also operates as a Social Club with a Fun Darts night every Tuesday starting at 9pm and weekly entertainment every Thursday. In the main building you will also find a Charity Shop where all donations are greatly appreciated. The sale is well organised, with Marshals to line up the cars and vans, and keep the atmosphere happy. Power points are available so you can check if electrical items work. In short, everything is

done to ensure that sellers only sell quality goods, and buyers are happy with their purchases. If buyers become too enthusiastic or insistent, don’t worry, because the marshals patrol to keep the peace. They also ensure that goods offered for sale are legal – there are no pirated DVDs or fake designer goods at Black Seven. If you need a haircut, go and see the resident hairdresser, where a trim costs just 5 Euros and if you are craving English sweets, there is a stall there selling English food at bargain prices. There is ample free parking on site for visitors and if you want to sell rather than buy, a stall costs just 10 Euros, although you will have to join the Black Seven Club to ensure compliance with local by-laws. Black Seven Car Boot Sale runs on Saturdays and Sundays – 8.00am for Sellers and 9.00am for Buyers. Due to popular demand, there is an Auction held in the main building every Monday at 2pm with entries from 10am. For more details or directions, phone Graham on 689 762 990. See you there!

Friday, May 24, 2013

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 19 represents C and 2 represents D, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Rejoins as Wren’s doctor (7) 5 Daily apple-core in rotten pear (5) 8 A tinier change of idleness (7) 9 Spades, for example, for California roads (5) 10 Brass fibre (5) 11 Alarm business (7) 12 Method of making tea messy? (6) 14 Brags about good men who are after a snake (6) 17 Come to understand lies are naughty (7) 19 Trunk from actor’s office (5) 22 Support a bride with no resistance (5) 23 Depot or in stage (7) 24 Discredit fake Earl (5) 25 Symbol of authority that could get respect (7) STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 A falsehood not initiated by a stranger (5) 2 She and the Queen are fine (5) 3 Former tenant about end of time limit (7) 4 Stand in these circumstances (6) 5 Tree found in an OPEC annex (5) 6 Spacers are transported huge distances (7) 7 Begrudges missing the first gifts (7) 12 Go berserk as Spurs go one better (7) 13 Santa, I’m changing the strength (7) 15 Effect of comet crash after half an hour (7) 16 Coming up in the president’s US necktie poll (6) 18 Ernie gets mixed up with a woman (5) 20 Answer about part of a play (5) 21 Globe security measures reveals fat (5)

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Ant Art Awe Awn Cad Cot Ego Lad Lax Ore Run Tec 4 letter words Agog Ante Blab

Buoy Clot Deed Edge Elan Emir Eyes Gips Guru Iron Lens Loom Mace Mane Mood Name Oboe Ogre Pass

Rose Solo Stet Taxi Toga Tune Ural Uses 5 letter words Acted Alert Alone Atlas Auger Conic Ethos Koala Lance

Plebs Plier Rales Sauna Scare Screw Sober Soggy Spume Tweed Weigh Where Worst 6 letter words Bobcat Bolero Henrys Nestle

Radish Shaker Skater Unseat 7 letter words Traipse Washtub 8 letter words Enhanced Solstice 9 letter words Sleepless Spokesman

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Down

Across Across

Down

1 Confess (5) 4 Diplomat (6) 9 Mythical being (7) 10 Boost (5) 11 Footwear (4) 12 Antediluvian (7) 13 Burning (3) 14 Heal (4) 16 Region (4) 18 Brown (3) 20 Hard to pin down (7) 21 Ale (4) 24 Sweat room (5) 25 Germ-free (7) 26 Figured out (6) 27 Larceny (5)

1 Means of entry (6) 2 Tropical fruit (5) 3 Hard wood (4) 5 Eye instrument maker (8) 6 Genuine (7) 7 Find (6) 8 Deal with (5) 13 Pause (8) 15 Strange (7) 17 Against (6) 18 Nervous (5) 19 Pressing (6) 22 Cream of the crop (5) 23 Strike (4)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 7 Locate, 8 Exotic, 9 Cede, 10 Anecdote, 11 Scatter, 13 Refer, 15 Havoc, 17 Tourist, 20 Vigilant, 21 Turn, 23 Desire, 24 Steady. Down: 1 Hope, 2 Talent, 3 Related, 4 Fever, 5 Fondle, 6 Listless, 12 Clarinet, 14 Contest, 16 Origin, 18 Rotten, 19 Eager, 22 Rude.

Scribble Pad

1 Foreign (5) 2 Utter (5) 1 Responses (7) 3 Excessive (7) 5 Periodical (5) 4 Position (6) 8 Inactivity (7) 5 Nut (5) 9 Birthday mail (5) 6 Astronomical distances 10 Courage (5) (7) 11 Worry (7) 7 Begrudges (7) 12 Method (6) 12 Exceed (7) 14 Brags (6) 13 Endurance (7) 17 Grasp (7) 15 Result (7) 19 Body’s trunk (5) 16 Population count (6) 22 Bear (5) 18 Greek goddess of 23 Depository (7) peace (5) 24 Humiliation (5) 20 Respond (5) 25 Royal staff (7) 21 Corpulent (5) Last weeks Solution Across: 1/23 Atom bomb, 3 Escapade, 9 Emirate, 10 Aisle, 11 Agent, 12 Patron, 14 Casino, 16 Candid, 19 Canape, 21 Total, 24 Onion, 25 Earnest, 26 Billy can, 27 Eels. Down: 1 Abeyance, 2 Olive, 4 Sherpa, 5 Abaft, 6 Abscond, 7 Eden, 8 Canton, 13 Adulates, 15 Spatial, 17 Actors, 18 Geneva, 20 Annoy, 22 Theme.

Across 1 Anchor (5) 4 Meat (5) 7 Espliego (8) 8 Sebo (culinario) (4) 9 Apodo (8) 11 Years (4) 12 Médico (6) 14 Time (6) 16 Pregunta (4) 18 Expert (evidence, witness) (8) 20 Face (part of body) (4) 21 Estadounidense (8) 23 Paz (tranquilidad, no guerra) (5) 24 Good-looking (5)

Down 1 Fan (air) (7) 2 Mejilla (5) 3 Añadir (3) 4 Carpintero (9) 5 Rescue (7) 6 January (5) 10 Avión (9) 13 Piece of toast (7) 15 Banana (7) 17 Sello (5) 19 Young girl (5) 22 Huevo (3)

Friday, May 24, 2013 Across 1/9 Uptight (Everything’s Alright) was which American singer, songwriter, and multiinstrumentalist’s first UK Top 20 hit single? (6,6) 4 In the Roman Catholic Church, what name is given to the assembly of cardinals for the election of a Pope? (8) 10 Which branch of science deals with celestial objects, space and the physical universe as a whole? (9) 11 American singer/songwriter Johnnie Ray was known by the nicknames the Prince of Wails and the (What) of Sob? (5) 12 Often applied to beer, which word means ‘emitting or filled with bubbles as from carbonation or fermentation’? (5) 13 The name of which infection of the intestines marked by severe diarrhoea comes from the Latin for ‘bad bowels’? (9) 14 What name was often applied to the state of political hostility that existed from 1945 until 1990 between countries led by the Soviet

Union and countries led by the United States? (4,3) 16 Originally taken to be the average length of a stride, which unit of length is equal to three feet? (4) 19 Which word can mean both ‘the range of the eye’ and ‘a personal belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty’? (4) 21 What name for a pain in the muscles and joints of the lower back is derived from the Latin for ‘loin’? (7) 24 What name is given to a thing that is kept as a reminder of a person, place, or event? (9) 25 What is the atomic number of oxygen and also the number of allotropes of carbon? (5) 26 Which doglike nocturnal mammal of Africa and southern Asia feeds chiefly on carrion? (5) 27 What is the name of the baseball fielding position between second and third base? (9) 28 Released in 1971, what was the title of fourth studio album by the rock band Jethro Tull? (8)

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

29 Which long white-fleshed gourd with green skin that is eaten as a vegetable shares its name with a soft fatty substance in the cavities of

bones, in which blood cells are produced? (6)

Down 1 What was the nickname of

the US gangster Al Capone, who terrorised Chicago during prohibition until arrested for tax evasion? (8) 2 What name is often applied to person’s or animal’s intestines or internal organs, especially when removed or exposed? (8) 3 Which hard creamy-white substance composing the main part of the tusks of an elephant, walrus, or narwhal was formerly used to make ornaments and other articles? (5) 5 Native New Yorker, Use It Up and Wear It Out and Going Back to My Roots were all UK Top 10 hit singles for which 70s/80s American dance band ? (7) 6 What name is often given to a confusing and difficult problem or question? (9) 7 Which verb means walks or moves at a slow, relaxed pace? (6) 8 In the reproductive cycle, what name is given to the stage after the fertilisation of the egg that precedes the development into a foetus? (6) 9 See 1 Across

15 Which wide street in London’s Westminster between Parliament Square and Trafalgar Square, houses several government offices? (9) 17 What relation was the American actress and author Jamie Lee Curtis to Psycho actress Janet Leigh? (8) 18 What name is usually given to a left-handed boxer who leads with the right hand? (8) 20 What name is used in the UK for the Christian festival of Pentecost, the seventh Sunday after Easter? (7) 21 Which city is the capital and largest city and economic and cultural centre of Portugal? (6) 22 The name of which respiratory disorder characterised by wheezing, is derived from the Greek for ‘breathe hard’? (6) 23 Which city is the state capital of Alaska? (6) 25 What name for a run scored without the ball having hit the striker’s bat is also the name given to a supernumerary or walk-on in a film or play? (5)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

DIAS DE LLUVIA - RAINY DAYS Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

movies/tv QUIZ

ANSWERS: 1. Green 2. Margaret Rutherford 3. Coors 4. The Good The Bad and The Ugly etc. Spaghetti westerns 5. Harry Bellefonte 6. Robert Mitchum for Vagrancy 7. Terry Nation 8. The Lost Weekend 9. Rod Stiger 10. Woody Allen 11. Brent Spiner 12. Goodbye, Farewell and Amen 13. Bob Geldorf 14. Skippy

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Buckle, 4 Overlord, 9 Stair, 10 Jockstrap, 11 Lead, 12 Oslo, 13 Reeve, 15 Stephen, 16 Iron, 19 Undo, 20 Corsage, 23 Ovate, 24 Icon, 25 Ogre, 27 Narcissus, 28 Swill, 29 Also-rans, 30 Brogue. Down: 1 Basilisk, 2 Charades, 3 Lira, 5 Victoria Cross, 6 Reservoirs, 7 O’Brien, 8 Dipper, 10 Jason Robinson, 14 Chandelier, 17 Gangling, 18 Reveille, 21 Bosnia, 22 Madras, 26 USSR.

estar mojado

el arcoíris

la chaqueta

el cielo gris

la inundación

el gorro

la llovizna

el granizo

la lluvia

el impermeable

las botas

el paraguas

la tormenta

el relámpago

nubes

el trueno Empareja estas palabras - Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz. 1.el aguacero, 2.el arcoíris,

15.las botas de hule,

k.the downpour, l.the rain,

3.el cielo gris, 4.el gorro,

16.la tormenta, 17.las nubes.

o.the hail, p.to be wet,

5.el granizo, 6.el impermeable, 7.el paraguas, 8.el relámpago,

a.the flood, b.the drizzle,

9.el trueno, 10.estar mojado,

c.the clouds, d.the umbrella,

11.la chaqueta,

e.the grey sky, f.the lightning,

12.la inundación, 13.la llovizna,

g.the welly boots, h.the hat,

14.la lluvia,

i.the thunder, j.the storm,

Soduko

m.the rainbow, n.the jacket,

Span - Eng

Quizword

q.the waterproof jacket.

Answers: 1k, 2m, 3e, 4h, 5o, 6q, 7d, 8f, 9i, 10p, 11n, 12a, 13b, 14l, 15g, 16j, 17c.

1. What colour is Spock's blood? 2. Who played Miss Marple in 6 films? 3. ET drank which brand of beer? 4. Ennio Morricone wrote the music for what film series? 5. Who was the first black entertainer to win an Emmy award? 6. Which actor, did time on a Georgia Chain Gang and managed to escape for 6 days? 7. Who created 'Doctor Who'? 8. What 1945 film won best picture, actor and director Oscars? 9. Who played the role of the pawnbroker in the film 'Pawnbroker'? 10. Alan Stuart Konigsberg is better known as who? 11. Who plays the character Data on Star Trek the Next Generation? 12. What was the final episode of M*A*S*H called? 13. Who played 'Pink' in the movie 'The Wall'? 14. What TV character lived in Waratah National Park?

el aguacero

Fill It In

Friday, May 24, 2013

TRELI ON THE TELLY SCULLY’S NOSE FOR SUCCESS

with ALEX TRELINSKI Serial killer TV shows are getting as common as Spanish Butano gas cylinder price hikes, but a new boy on the block has really impressed me.

BBC2’s, The Fall, is as creepy as watching David Dickinson, but it has lots to commend it. The leads, Gillian Anderson and Jamie Dornan, are wonderful. Anderson, as a copper brought in to review an unsolved Belfast murder, and Dornan playing the family man and marriage guidance counsellor, who just happens to be a sadistic murderer with some kinky stuff in his repertoire (including a knicker fetish). Gillian Anderson has the knack of picking great scripts for her TV roles, and this tale smoulders gently, whilst sometimes bordering on the very uncomfortable. But that

makes it gripping in a style that reminds you of some of the excellent Scandinavian series that have played on UK TV. The Fall is a winner for me and it’s as intriguing as Broadchurch, despite knowing who the baddie is. And before a single scene had been screened, the BBC had the great sense to start planning a second series, with Gillian Anderson joining the production team. Old Scully from The X Files certainly has the sense to smell a winner! The latest series of BBC1’s Doctor Who was the most uneven since the Time Lord escaped from Michael Grade’s banishment to oblivion some eight years ago. There was a far greater number of mediocre episodes in this run compared to any other since the

revival began in 2005, but the final instalment was a total triumph and a great lead-in to the 50th anniversary special this November, along with the reveal of John Hurt as the Doctor! Hopefully key lessons will have been learnt that just having a fine actor playing the Time Lord is

not enough to hold the show together. The name Candice Glover will mean virtually nothing to you, but she won the 12th season of American Idol last week. Take it from me, this lady can sing anything from a Shirley

Bassey standard to Somewhere from West Side Story, as well as contemporary pop. The world’s best TV singing show has delivered yet another star, whilst UK equivalents can wallow in trying to hide the memories of the likes of Steve Brookstein and Leon Jackson! Talking of rubbish, my fears were sadly proved right as Bonnie Tyler gave an underwhelming performance in the Eurovision Song Contest, spoiling a decent song. But the biggest shock was Ireland’s excellent entry getting nothing, whilst at least the bookies got a pasting as the so-so Danish entry romped away with it. Can the BBC persuade Simon Cowell to get One Direction to take part next year? That would be fun and would be miles better than parading a bloated Welsh whale whose sell-by date had expired a couple of decades ago! Well done to Coronation Street for sweeping through the British Soap Awards, whilst Eastenders only got one prize. That for me pretty much sums up the gulf between the two shows.

The Courier Friday TV 00:35 The Other Man 02:00 Holiday Weatherview 02:05 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done in the Sun 12:30 Bargain Hunt 13:30 Chelsea Flower Show 2013 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Chelsea Flower Show 2013 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Would I Lie to You? 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Not Going Out 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:20 The Tudors 01:15 The Tudors

02:10 Panorama 03:10 This Is BBC Two 04:55 Schools 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:10 Animal Park 07:40 Homes Under the Hammer 08:40 Don't Get Done in the Sun 09:10 Saints and Scroungers 09:55 Antiques Roadshow 10:55 Question Time 11:55 Miracle 14:00 My Life in Books 14:30 Weakest Link 15:15 Mastermind 15:45 The Great British Bake Off 16:45 Restoration Roadshow 17:15 Planet Earth 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Chef's Protege 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 Chelsea Flower Show 2013 22:00 Henry VIII's Enforcer: The Rise and Fall of Thomas Cromwell 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:05 The Job Lot 00:35 The Security Men 01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 May the Best House Win 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Martin Lewis Money Show 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Life of Crime 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

MADE OF HONOR

Romantic comedy starring Michelle Monaghan and Patrick Dempsey. Tom and Hannah have been platonic friends for 10 years until confirmed bachelor Tom suddenly realises this is the woman he wants to settle down with. Unfortunately his eureka moment comes just as Hannah announces her engagement, so when she asks him to be her "maid" of honour, Tom decides to use the situation to his advantage.

00:05 24 Hours in A&E 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Skint 02:10 Mary Queen of the High Street 03:05 The Secret Millions 04:05 Inside Nature's Giants 05:00 Unreported World 05:30 Come Dine with Me 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 11:00 The Secret Millionaire USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 12:30 What's Cooking? 13:35 Channel 4 News Midday 13:40 1001 Things You Should Know 14:05 Sarah Beeny's Selling Houses 15:10 Four Rooms 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 Peter Kay Live at the Manchester Arena 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

May 24

01:00 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 House Doctor 05:50 Great Scientists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Motor Morphers 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Elizabeth II: A Celebration 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:05 The Shell Seekers 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Cricket on 5 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 World's 23:00 Made of Honor

The Courier Saturday TV

May 25

03:40 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 00:25 The Wright Way

07:45 Stage Door

00:55 Adulthood

09:15 Two Tickets to Broadway

02:30 Weatherview

11:00 A History of Scotland

02:35 BBC News

12:00 Map Man

07:00 Breakfast

12:30 Just a Minute

11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live

13:00 The Chef's Protege

12:30 Nigel Slater's Simple

13:30 The Chef's Protege

Suppers

14:00 The Chef's Protege

13:00 BBC News; Regional News

14:30 The Chef's Protege

and Weather

15:00 The Chef's Protege

13:15 Bargain Hunt

15:30 Coast

14:00 Live Athletics

16:00 Auction Hero

15:30 Helicopter Heroes

17:00 Antiques Road Trip

16:15 Escape to the Country

18:00 Flog It!

17:15 A Question of Sport

19:00 Golf: PGA Championship

17:45 Pointless Celebrities

20:00 Chelsea Flower Show 2013

18:35 Formula One

21:20 Dad's Army

19:50 BBC News; Regional News

21:50 QI

and Weather

22:20 David Bowie - Five Years

20:10 The Voice UK

23:50 The Man Who Fell to Earth

22:20 The National Lottery Draws

01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Columbo: Lady in Waiting 05:20 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Special Agent Oso 07:25 The Hive 07:40 Dino Dan 08:05 Canimals 08:20 Almost Naked Animals 08:35 Ultimate Spider-Man 09:00 Jessie 09:25 ITV News 09:30 Dinner Date 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:15 My Tasty Travels with Lynda Bellingham 12:15 Saturday Farm 13:15 ITV News and Weather 13:24 ITV Meridian Weather 13:25 All Star Mr & Mrs 14:25 River Monsters 15:25 The Chase 16:25 Midsomer Murders 18:25 ITV News Meridian 18:25 ITV Meridian Weather 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 You've Been Framed! 20:00 Live UEFA Champions League 23:15 ITV News and Weather 23:29 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 Crank

00:05 01:05 01:10 02:35 02:55 03:20 03:40 04:05 04:25 05:15 06:10 06:55 07:10 08:00 08:25 09:00 10:00 11:00 12:00 12:35 13:05 13:35 14:40 17:10 17:40 18:10 18:40 19:15 19:40 20:00 23:40

10 O'Clock Live Random Acts Date Movie New Girl The Mindy Project Happy Endings The New Normal Accidentally on Purpose St Elsewhere Come Dine with Me Countdown Kirstie's Vintage Gems The Hoobs Rallycross The Grid The Morning Line Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Simpsons Heston's Fantastical Food Channel 4 Racing Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Channel 4 News Titanic 48 HRS

THE VOICE UK

22:30 Casualty 23:20 BBC News; Weather 23:40 Michael McIntyre's Comedy RoadshoW

00:00 Weather 00:05 Later with Jools Holland

Holly Willoughby and Reggie Yates present the final battle show, by the end of which the superstar coaches will be one step closer to deciding their final line-ups. Twenty-four more acts sing off in the battle arena two at a time, hoping their coach will choose them to go through to next week's knockout rounds.

01:10 Shattered Glass 02:40 Question Time

01:05 SuperCasino 04:55 Motorsport Mundial 05:20 HouseBusters 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:30 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Chloe's Closet 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:15 Animal Antics 08:20 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:45 Jelly Jamm 11:00 The Mr Men Show 11:15 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 11:45 ThunderCats 12:15 Inside Hollywood 12:20 WW1's Tunnels of Death: The Big Dig 13:20 The Dam Busters 15:55 Ben-Hur 20:00 Cricket on 5 21:00 5 News Weekend 21:05 NCIS 22:00 NCIS 22:55 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 23:25 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

The Courier Sunday TV 00:25 Eagle Eye

02:05 The Wackness

02:15 Weatherview

03:40 This Is BBC Two

02:20 BBC News

06:55 The Mad Miss Manton

07:00 Breakfast

08:15 The A to Z of TV Gardening

10:00 The Andrew Marr Show

09:00 The Beechgrove Garden

11:00 The Battle of the Atlantic: Remembered 13:00 The Big Questions

09:30 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11:00 Live Athletics 13:35 EastEnders 15:25 Live Women's FA Cup Football

14:05 Countryfile 18:15 Flog It! 15:00 Helicopter Heroes 19:00 Golf: PGA Championship 15:30 Bargain Hunt 20:00 Racing Legends 16:15 Points of View 16:30 Escape to the Country 17:30 Songs of Praise 18:05 Chelsea Flower Show 2013 18:35 Formula One 20:05 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:30 Countryfile 21:30 Case Histories 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 My Hero

21:00 Porridge 21:30 Ice Age Giants 22:30 Australia with Simon Reeve 23:30 Cinderella Man

01:10 04:00 04:45 07:00 07:25 07:40 08:05 08:20 08:30 09:00 09:25 09:30 10:25 11:20 12:20 12:29 12:30 19:30 19:45 20:00 21:00 22:00 22:30 23:35 23:49 23:50

Jackpot247 The Starter Wife ITV Nightscreen Special Agent Oso The Hive Dino Dan Canimals Almost Naked Animals Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Sonny with a Chance ITV News Country House Sunday The Jeremy Kyle Show USA Murder, She Wrote ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Live French Open Tennis ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Catchphrase Britain's Got Talent Coronation Street The Scapegoat ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather The Scapegoat

DRAG ME TO HELL Supernatural horror starring Alison Lohman. Christine Brown, an ambitious loan officer at a mortgage company, is in competition with a dynamic new colleague. In an effort to impress her boss she refuses financial help to the mysterious Mrs Ganush, a decision that Christine will soon come to regret.

01:30 Dylan Moran Live: Yeah, Yeah 02:25 Southland 03:10 Hollyoaks 05:15 Deal or No Deal 06:10 Countdown 06:55 SuperScrimpers 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Xtreme Storm 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 09:55 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 The Big Bang Theory 14:00 The Big Bang Theory 14:30 The Simpsons 15:00 The Simpsons 15:30 Deal or No Deal 16:30 Volcano 18:30 Tooth Fairy 20:30 Channel 4 News 21:00 Clare Balding's Secrets of a Suffragette 22:00 Another Year

May 26

00:20 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 01:15 SuperCasino 05:00 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:25 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:50 County Secrets 06:05 Hana's Helpline 06:15 Roary the Racing Car 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:35 Hana's Helpline 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:30 The Mr Men Show 07:45 Chloe's Closet 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:15 Animal Antics 08:20 Noddy in Toyland 08:35 Mio Mao 08:40 City of Friends 08:50 Hana's Helpline 09:00 Little Princess 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:45 Jelly Jamm 11:00 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 11:35 ThunderCats 12:05 How Do They Do It? 12:35 The Hotel Inspector 13:30 The Hotel Inspector 14:30 Cats & Dogs 16:10 Winnie the Pooh 17:20 Scooby-Doo 19:00 World's 19:55 5 News Weekend 20:00 Cricket on 5 21:00 Once Upon a Time 22:00 Drag Me to Hell

The Courier Monday TV

May 27

03:40 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 00:25 The Lake House 02:00 Weatherview 02:05 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 Helicopter Heroes 10:45 Homes Under the Hammer 11:45 Don't Get Done in the Sun 12:15 Cowboy Trap 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:20 Regional News and Weather 14:30 Wallace & Gromit: A Grand

08:00 Don't Get Done in the Sun

00:45 Premiership Rugby Union

08:30 Bargain Hunt

01:45 The Store

09:25 Animal Park

03:15 Monk

09:55 Sword of Sherwood Forest 11:15 Henry VIII and His Six Wives 13:15 Golf: PGA Championship

04:00 Motorsport UK 04:50 ITV Nightscreen

15:15 Put Your Money Where Your

06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Mouth Is

07:00 Daybreak

16:00 Springwatch

09:30 Lorraine

16:45 Fred Dibnah's Made in Britain

10:25 Live French Open Tennis

17:15 Planet Earth 18:30 Britain's Got Talent

Day Out

18:15 Flog It!

14:55 Cool Runnings

19:00 Eggheads

19:30 ITV Meridian Weather

16:25 Escape to the Country

19:30 The Chef's Protege

19:45 ITV News and Weather

17:15 Who Do You Think You Are?

20:00 The Flying Scotsman: A Rail

20:00 Emmerdale

18:15 Pointless

Romance

19:00 BBC News

21:00 Springwatch

19:15 Weather

22:00 The Fall

19:30 The One Show

23:00 Blackadder II

22:30 Britain's Got Talent Results

20:30 Antiques Roadshow

23:35 Blackadder Rides Again

23:00 The Story of Now

20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Coronation Street

21:30 Miranda 22:00 The Queen: A Passion for Horses 23:00 BBC News 23:10 Regional News and Weather 23:20 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

01:45 Countryfile 02:40 Holby City

00:30 The Cider House Rules 02:40 Murder Ahoy 04:20 Come Dine with Me 05:15 Deal or No Deal 06:10 Countdown 06:55 SuperScrimpers 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 The Ugly Duckling and Me 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss Canada 12:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 1001 Things You Should Know 14:05 Romancing the Stone 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 World's Weirdest Weather 22:00 Skint 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

WORLDS WEIRDEST WEATHER Alex Beresford finds out how an unusual combination of weather phenomena created deadly storms in 1953, which resulted in some of the UK's worst flooding, and hears from eyewitnesses who tell their stories of survival. He also looks at how dying micro-organisms can turn the sea into froth and investigates other strange water-related events such as a rain of worms in Scotland and giant hailstones called ice bombs.

00:05 My Soul to Take 02:15 SuperCasino 05:00 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:50 County Secrets 06:05 Hana's Helpline 06:15 Roary the Racing Car 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:35 Hana's Helpline 06:50 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Mio Mao 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Castle Farm 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Cowboy Builders 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Miami 16:10 CSI: Miami 17:05 CSI: Miami 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 Highland Emergency 19:55 Inside Hollywood 20:00 Cricket on 5 21:00 Motor Morphers 22:00 World's 23:00 Gamer

The Courier Tuesday TV

May 28

00:05 The Football League Show 00:45 The Graham Norton Show 01:30 Weatherview 01:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done in the Sun 12:30 Cowboy Trap 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 The Wright Way

00:35 The Tudors 01:25 The Tudors 02:15 Keeping Britain Alive: The NHS in a Day 03:15 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools - Simon Armitage, Writing Poems 05:30 Schools - Poets in Person

06:00 Schools - Play On! 06:30 Schools: Dance with the Elements 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Don't Get Done in the Sun 08:35 Cowboy Trap 09:20 Saints and Scroungers 10:05 Watchdog 11:05 Paul Hollywood's Bread 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 College Road Trip 14:15 My Life in Books 14:45 The Super League Show 15:30 Mastermind 16:00 Springwatch 16:45 Fred Dibnah's Made in Britain 17:15 Planet Earth 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Chef's Protege 20:00 Locomotion: Dan Snow's History of Railways 21:00 Springwatch 22:00 Town with Nicholas Crane 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired 23:30 Newsnight

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:14 ITV Meridian Weather 00:15 French Open Tennis 01:30 Monk 02:15 Jackpot247 04:00 Champions League Weekly 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 May the Best House Win 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Coronation Street 22:30 Britain's Got Talent Results 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Words of Everest

BRITAINS GOT TALENT Ant and Dec host the second live show, in which another nine acts perform in the hope of winning the public vote and securing one of two places in the final. Tonight's winners will find themselves one step closer to an appearance at the Royal Variety Performance, a cash prize of ÂŁ250,000 and the chance to join a growing line-up of past champions including Ashleigh and Pudsey, Diversity and Paul Potts.

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:10 Shameless 02:05 The Fear 03:00 What's My Body Worth? 03:30 Gok's Style Secrets 04:25 The Renovation Game 05:20 Come Dine with Me 06:15 Deal or No Deal 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss Canada 12:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:40 1001 Things You Should Know 14:10 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 14:15 The Rare Breed 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 22:00 Edward VIII: The Lion King 23:00 Shameless

00:50 Cobra 02:30 SuperCasino 04:55 HouseBusters 05:20 HouseBusters 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Castle Farm 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The True Story 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Revealed 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:20 NCIS 16:15 Final Verdict 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Cricket on 5 21:00 WW1's Tunnels of Death: The Big Dig 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 Body of Proof 23:50 Desperado

The Courier Wednesday TV

May 29

00:05 Live at the Apollo 00:35 Dan in Real Life 02:10 Weatherview 02:15 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done in the Sun 12:30 Cowboy Trap 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 Frankie 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:20 The Tudors 01:15 The Tudors 02:15 The Apprentice 03:15 James May's Man Lab 04:15 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Rock Pool Survivors 05:30 Schools - Beneath the Lab Coat: 2

05:45 Ask Lara 06:00 Schools - Spark 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done in the Sun 08:30 Cowboy Trap 09:15 Saints and Scroungers 10:00 The Great British Sewing Bee 11:00 Deadly 60 on a Mission 11:30 Great British Railway Journeys 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Hands on Nature 12:40 The Amazing Mr Blunden 14:15 My Life in Books 14:45 Weakest Link 15:30 Mastermind 16:00 Springwatch 16:45 Fred Dibnah's Made in Britain 17:15 Life in Cold Blood 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Chef's Protege 20:00 Coast 20:30 Springwatch 21:30 Springwatch Unsprung 2013 22:00 The Iraq War 23:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 23:30 Weather

00:35 French Open Tennis 01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 May the Best House Win 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live International Football 23:10 ITV News and Weather 23:40 ITV Meridian Weather 23:45 International Football Highlights

SPRINGWATCH UNSPRUNG 2013

00:05 Skint 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 European Poker Tour 02:10 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:35 Sailing 03:00 The Grid 03:30 Rallycross 03:55 Xtreme Storm 04:25 Inside Nature's Giants 05:20 Deal or No Deal 06:15 Come Dine with Me 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss Canada 12:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:40 1001 Things You Should Know 14:10 SuperScrimpers 14:25 Gideon of Scotland Yard 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Location, Location, Location 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 10 O'Clock Live 23:55 Random Acts

New series. Martin Hughes-Games is joined by Chris Packham and Michaela Strachan as he presents post-show analysis in front of a studio audience, featuring updates, nature quizzes and debate about the series so far.

01:50 SuperCasino 04:55 HouseBusters 05:20 HouseBusters 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:05 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Castle Farm 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Emergency Bikers 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Frontline Police 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:20 NCIS 16:15 The Elizabeth Smart Story 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Frontline Police 21:00 Emergency Bikers 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Resident Evil: Extinction

The Courier Thursday TV

May 30

00:05 Room 101 00:35 Away from Her 02:20 Weatherview 02:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done in the Sun 12:30 Cowboy Trap 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Perfection 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 Crimewatch 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Crimewatch Update 23:45 Question Time

00:20 The Tudors 01:10 The Tudors 02:05 Fit to Rule: How Royal Illness Changed History 03:05 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools - Beneath the Lab Coat: 1

06:00 Schools: 3, 2, 1 Go! - Key Stage 1 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Don't Get Done in the Sun 08:35 Cowboy Trap 09:20 The A to Z of TV Gardening 10:05 Great Continental Railway Journeys 11:05 Country Show Cook Off 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 The Crimson Wing 14:15 My Life in Books 14:45 Weakest Link 15:30 Mastermind 16:00 Springwatch 16:45 Fred Dibnah's Made in Britain 17:15 Life in Cold Blood 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Chef's Protege 20:00 Locomotion: Dan Snow's History of Railways 21:00 Springwatch 22:00 Henry VII: Winter King 23:00 Watson & Oliver 23:30 Weather

00:35 French Open Tennis 01:35 Jackpot247 04:00 Columbo: Double Exposure 05:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 May the Best House Win 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Coronation Street 22:30 Britain's Got Talent Results 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 French Open Tennis

THE HUMAN SWARM

Jimmy Doherty investigates the predictability of human behaviour, looking at research that suggests people often think and move like members of a herd of animals. He uncovers how the `data trails' left behind by such things as internet usage and supermarket shopping reveal a remarkably detailed picture about an individual, and shows how one of the most powerful influences on the public is the temperature, with the smallest changes having great physical and psychological effects.

00:00 Confessions of a Male Stripper: First Cut 01:05 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:20 One Born Every Minute USA 02:15 Revenge 03:05 Quills 05:15 Deal or No Deal 06:10 Countdown 06:55 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss Canada 12:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:40 1001 Things You Should Know 14:10 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 14:20 Dakota Incident 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Britain's Stone Age Tsunami 22:00 The Human Swarm 23:00 999: What's Your Emergency?

00:55 Campus PD 01:20 National Heads Up Poker Championships 02:15 SuperCasino 04:55 HouseBusters 05:20 HouseBusters 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Rupert Bear 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Make Way for Noddy 09:05 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 WW1's Tunnels of Death: The Big Dig 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Motor Morphers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:20 CSI: NY 16:10 A Trick of the Mind 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 The True Story 21:00 World's Craziest Police Pursuits 22:00 Bad Boys

Friday, May 24, 2013

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more. We cater for companies and selfemployed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

ANIMALS Pet Travel UK Personalised family pet transporter between Spain/France/UK. Door to door fully accompanied service. Travel overland then on ferries with your pets. No charge for passengers. Pet friendly hotels used if a stop required, All air conditioned vehicles (no vans), DEFRA licence. www.pettraveluk. co.uk UK 0800 612 4922 or Spain 678 756 644

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276. Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3. Pilar de la Horadada. Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information contact PilarChristian. CommunityChurch@gm ail.com or contact Reverend Eddie on 966769300 or 650509606. Reg No:2009-SG/A Good Friday Service at 11 am. at the Church Easter Sunday 11 am. will include a Drama message, please join us The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of

AUCTIONS

AUTO ELECTRICIAN

CARPENTER

Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

CARS FOR SALE Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully comprehensive policies at the price of third party! Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS - for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral. Policies available in English and German. Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.co m or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 or 3 bed / 2 bath apartments in San Miguel. Lift, communal rooftop pool & solarium, video entry system. Available for short or long term rent

ALARMS

CATERING

from 350 pcm. Tel 966723437 or 636615716. (122) Ref: 61, A lovely two bedroomed ground floor apartment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swimming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking distance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 33, Ground floor spacious 2 bedroom apartment, located in Torre la Mata. Close to all amenities and beach. 3 month rental €300pcm Call: 965 707 188 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apartment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 702: Beautiful 2 bedroom apartment, located near los Locos beach, beautifully furnished. Short term rentals from 175€ per week. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool

area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals. Call us on 96 692 3963 El Chaparel/La Siesta Two bedroom apartment in a quiet gated urbanisation for rent €350 per month plus bills. Reference No 17 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. KBJ3 – Luxury duplex penthouse apartment located near the marina in Guardamar. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, amazing panoramic views, inc.parking and storage. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 Ref. CBR21 – A rare

BLINDS

chance to rent a frontline beach apartment in Torrevieja! Ground floor with large terrace, 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, direct and full-on sea views. 500 € pcm. 966 923 963 CBR27 – Ground floor apartment in closed luxury residential with beautiful communal gardens, pool, 2 beds 1 walk-in shower, redecorated this year. Only 250m walk to beach, inc.parking. 425€ pcm, call 966 923 963

BARBER

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS

Friday, May 24, 2013 CBR31 – Town centre apartment in Los Montesinos, all amenities nearby, spacious 2 beds 1 bath 250€ pcm, call 966 923 963 CBR32 : 3 bed, 2 bath apartment in Los Montesinos, very spacious 120 m2, fully furnished, with pool on solarium, only 300 € p/m, call now on 966 923 963 CBR18 – Detached Spanish villa, beachside Punta Prima, 4 bedrooms, garage, 1200 m2 plot, own pool, 900 € pcm. 966 923 963

PROPERTY FOR SALE Home and Contents cover - Comprehensive policies for house and contents with CASER Seguros - excellent prices for expats; policies available in. Call 966 923 963 for a quote. Torrevieja. Club with 4 bedrooms and bathrooms, large entrance, about 90 m², furnished. Also suitable for office or other commercial, close to Playa de los Locos. Price. €89,000 Phone 686935870 (118) Torrevieja. Well-established restaurant and bar for reasons of age for sale €119,000 Including inventory. 100 m², close to Playa de los Locos. Tel 686935870 (118) Ref. BRJ1 – 1 bedroom top floor renovated apartment in San Luis. Great sea and lake views. 55.000 €. Tel. 966 923 963 Ref: 104Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The prop-

erty is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refurbished apartment in a good central location. Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 510, €70,000. Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis communal pool. Walking distance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Rare opportunity to purchase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros. Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles. It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 965 707

CAR BREAKERS

188 or 626 397 397 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground parking, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views. Viewings absolutely essential. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool. Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks projected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.co m 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 communal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popular urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant. Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods. Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref 533: Lovely 2 bedroom duplex located in the popular area of Punta Prima, the property has a large lounge and fully equipped kitchen, 2 double bedrooms, one with balcony, bathroom with double shower. €126,000 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005. Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), LoungeDiner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante &

Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg. Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons. Greenland Views and all local amenities close by. Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Ref: 520, €80,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is offroad parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool nearby. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Top floor Duplex. Very good price of 108.000 euros for a quick sale. Furnished to a very high standard, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, Lounge Diner, Glazed in Porch, Large Roof Top Solarium. Choice of Communal Pools, Private Parking. Walking distance to all amenities and on the First urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant. Viewing essential. Ref No. K44. Tel. 627 711 155 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interior furnishings are top quality, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and graveled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in shower units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref

K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Balsares is opposite Gran Alacant where the proposed golf course is now being started so this property will virtually be on the golf course, it is an investment not to be missed. The property is on a small gated urbanisation of 18 houses with private underground parking for 2 cars and direct access to the house, communal pool and toilets/changing rooms etc. The house is brand new and consists of 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, lounge with working fire place, large kitchen 12 m2, large galleria/ utility room, bedroom balcony and front tiled terrace. This property also has a converted under build for an extra lounge or bedroom. ref K52 €198,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant Opportunity to purchase a beautiful 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed,large kitchen, detached property with roof- top solarium. Well established gardens and drive way for 2 cars, whilst also overlooking the projected 18 hole golf course. Comprising of fitted wardrobes, utility room, air con H/C, alarm system, electric wall heaters, intercom system, fireplace, ceilings fans, 8x7 gazebo, use of 2 large communal pools, immaculate condition with many extras. ref K12. €180,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant bargain,

detached villa with pool on 400m2 plot. Briefly comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, Lounge Diner, independent kitchen, solarium with views, well maintained gardens. Quiet location yet within walking distance of all amenities. Top quality furniture and appliances included in the price. Extras include, mosquito nets, grills, toldos blinds, built in wardrobes, gas fire, electric heating, ceiling fans, English & Spanish TV, tastefully tiled & graveled garden with irrigation system. ref K43. €229,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: KP3100, €183,000. Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool. Garage to side of house. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant South facing attractive corner house Situated in the sought after urbanization of Monte Faro, this secure gated urbanization offers a stunning oasis pool, with mountain views, tennis courts and football courts. Consisting of 3 double beds with balconies, 2 bathrooms, kitchen leading onto court yard which can easily be converted into an extra room, lounge diner with working fireplace, front garden with private parking for 2 cars. Being sold fully furnishes with white goods, built in 2006 so immaculate condition hardly lived in. Ref K48 €168,000 priced for quick sale Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Large detached villa with beautiful gardens set on 550m2 plot, built in BBQ area and large 10x6 pool.Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner with fire place, Independent Kitchen, air con H/C, Solarium, front porch, converted under build with 3 extra rooms, private covered parking, irrigated gardens, close distance to beach and amenities. Ref. K18 €250,000 Tel 680333242

Friday, May 24, 2013

Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant beautiful detached villa with very large pool and within walking distance to the Gran Alacant Commercial Centre. This villa comprised of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, l o u n g e - d i n e r, Independent kitchen, roof top storage, solarium, porch & terrace. Large private pool, BBQ area, established gardens and private terraces, Private Parking, Solarium with Views to Alicante. 450m2 plot, fully furnished including white goods. Located in very quiet desirable road. ref.L96. €255,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant Gem! Fabulous detached Villa, with Alicante sea views to the front and wood land views to the rear, means this immaculate villa is very private and un-overlooked. Comprising of 2 large bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 2 bath, large fully equipped kitchen,glazed porch sitting area, solarium, Attractive Pool with

cover, well maintained Gardens. Central Heating, Air Con, Ceiling fans, Private Parking, Alarm system, Decorative working Fire Place complete with electric Fire. Outdoor workshop/storage area, Quality Pergola & BBQ. Constructed in 2006, on plot size of 380m2 and being sold fully furnished including white goods. ref L80. €234,995 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Rare investment!! corner south facing opportunity on Novamar urbanisation.This immaculate ground floor duplex has been kept and maintained to a very high standard inside and out the position is fantastic, enjoys views over the lovely oasis communal pool, surrounded by lawned gardens. Comprising of plot size 100m2 Build Size 90m2, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, fully furnished, Anti-Glare Windows, Security Door, Security Grills, Built-in Wardrobes, Extra Storage, Galleria, Electric Panel Heaters, Heated Towel Rails, Air Con (h&c), Ceiling. Fans. Thermo Shower, Vanity Units and decoratively tiled throughout, exquisite garden, Underground private parking. Ref.K10 €139,000 Tel 680333242

Gran Alacant, Situated in the central area of Gran Alacant and within walking distance to all local amenities such as a selection of different cuisine restaurants, bars, pharmacies, banks, popular GA market and Carabassi Beach. Comprises of 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms with a private garage and roof-top solarium. This property is part of a small urbanization which has the use of a large decorative communal pool. Ref. K36 €149,000 Tel 680333242 Ground floor duplex, with splendid views. Quiet location in Gran Alacant. Immaculate condition. Price has just been reduced to 105.000 and includes everything. For viewing call 627 711 155 Ref. No K27 Gran Alacant detached villa with converted under build and pool. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge- Diner, Front Porch, Large Solarium, decoratively tiled, Irrigated Garden. BBQ and Log Storage Cupboard. Raised walls

for Privacy. Also many extras, toldos blinds, freshly decorated interior, Grills, Mosquito Nets, Air Con H/C, Ceiling Fans, Log Burner Fire, Electric Radiators, Heated Towel Rails, Alarmed, Phone Line, Satellite UK TV, private parking. Plot size 310m2 under build 100m2. price includes all furniture.The under build consists of 2 beds, lounge, kit/utility room. ref L79. €250,000 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant immaculate outstanding south facing villa in sought after road. Set on a 350m2 plot with 4 bedrooms, 3 baths,large porch, solarium and terraces. The large under build includes a lounge, kitchen, bedrooms, bathroom and patio doors leading to pool area. Internal & external access for under build. Extras include electric radiators, air con H/C, ceiling fans, gas fire, heated towel rails, extended walk-in shower, fitted wardrobes. Decorative tiling inside and out. Panoramic views towards Alicante

Bay, Sky TV, phone line and Internet & Private parking, established gardens, water features and fruit trees. Being sold with exquisite furniture and all white goods. Immaculate finishes and decor. ref L84. €278,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge-diner, independent kitchen, full roof-top solarium with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living

room and includes all electrical appliances & furniture also there is a utility room, open terrace, and private parking. The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, tennis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul-de-sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gardens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,private parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref. L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground

PETS

PERSONAL

KITCHENS

POOL TABLES

MAN AND A VAN

PARTY PLANNING

DAMP PROOFING

PLUMBERS

DRAINAGE

POOLS

Friday, May 24, 2013 Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more. 125.000 Euros Ref No. K23. Tel. 627 711 155 Gran Alacant, Situated front line to the famous blue flag beaches of Carabassi, the real beauty of this property is its proximity to the beach, but also on offer is a fantastic communal pool situated in beautifully kept gardens with little Spanish walk ways.Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, American style kitchen including all appliances, roof top solarium with stunning views, front porch area with front garden and a secure underground garage. fully furnished Ref. K23 €125,000 rare opportunity Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant limited edition villa, not very often available on the market. Only a few of this type were ever constructedVery large 5 bedrooms, 4 bathroom(2 en-suit) property, situated on a large corner plot with a 10 x 5 private pool and

REMOVALS

private parking. Loungediner with working fireplace, fully equipped kitchen with utility room. Large landing area, leading onto solarium, with extra storage external room. Front porch area leading into large well established gardens with irrigation system and fruit trees. Being sold fully furnished. Within walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and 5 minute drive to Carabassi beaches. ref. K11. €270,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant South facing attractive corner house Situated in the sought after urbanization of Monte Faro, this secure gated urbanization offers a stunning oasis pool, with mountain views, tennis courts and football courts. Consisting of 3 double beds with balconies, 2 bathrooms, kitchen leading onto court yard which can easily be converted into an extra room, lounge diner with working fireplace, front garden with private parking for 2 cars. Being sold fully furnishes with white goods, built in 2006 so immaculate condition hardly lived in. Ref K48 €168,000 priced for quick sale Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Ground floor south west facing apartment in Puerto Marino close to G.A commercial centre, comprising of 2 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, LoungeDiner, Independent Kitchen with Galleria,

Porch area and large tiled front garden, The property is being sold fully furnished and includes all kitchen appliances, H & C Air con is fitted as well as sky TV. The apartment enjoys the use of 2 large communal pools and has private parking in an enclosed electronically gated car park. Competitively priced for a quick sale. Ref. K40 €91,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant Limited edition bungalow. Only six of this type available in Gran Alacant. Constructed in 2003 and immaculately maintained on a large plot size of 500m2 with a 10 x 5 pool.Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge-diner leading out onto front porch, independent kitchen including white goods, outside galleria, court yard, large garage with electric door, roof top solarium and private parking. Also built in wardrobes, Toldos blinds, air con H/C, security grills, alarm, security doors, bathrooms heaters, outside toilet, outdoor lighting, irriga-

tion system, attractive and well kept gardens, beautifully tiled inside and out, fire place, English TV, phone line. Being sold with top quality furniture. ref L95. €275,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant large detached villa with 3 double bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge-diner, fully equipped kitchen, large porch, roof top solarium, 400 m2 Plot, with established low maintenance very private gardens with irrigation system, electronic gates, private parking, outside wc, sink & shower, terraces, air con ( h & c ), mosquito nets, grills, alarmed, large spa pool with separate Jacuzzi section. Within easy walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and close to local bus and tram route. Ref K33. €260,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working fire place, brand new kitchen with all appli-

RAG AND BONE

ances and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, established irrigated gardens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a converted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished. Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south-facing, very private villa, with woodland and Alicante views. Situated at the end of a small cul-de-sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge-diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and storage in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of outside parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

SURVEYOR

STORAGE

VAN HIRE

WARDROBES

QUIZZES Experienced quiz-master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars. Tel:- 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNATIONAL needs motivated sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a bonus but not essential. Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainternational.com

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your problems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are welcome to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

WANTED

Friday, May 24, 2013

Greenside Gossip IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

RORY DUMPS AGAIN RORY MCILROY is expected to split with his current agents to set up his own management company, barely a year after controversially dumping his former agent. The golfing ace is currently represented by Dublinbased Horizon Sports - a small, 12man organisation that he joined after quitting Chubby Chandler's powerful International Sports Management (ISM) agency in 2011. When he left ISM, McIlroy said he was unhappy with the way his career was moving, though ISM continues to have good relations with clients like Lee Westwood and Darren Clarke. The Northern Irishman then signed with Horizon and to move to the United States, as well as signing a variety of new endorsement deals, including a major agreement with Nike. But now, 24 year old McIlroy is now widely expected to cut off his ties with Horizon Sports and to create his own management company to deal with his affairs. Apparently family and close friends will be given the job of looking out for his interests. I did write last year, that cracks would appear with no father figure like Chubby Candler. Is there any loyalty left these days in sport?

challenge of a particular hole. Stakes or lines or a combination of stakes and lines are used to define the margin of water hazards and lateral water hazards. When only stakes are used for definition, the straight line from stake to stake shows the the limit of the hazard. So, care must be taken to make sure that no area that should be within the hazard, lies outside the line. But, where the natural limit of the hazard is obvious, for example, where the ground breaks at 90 degrees, the Committee may use stakes to indicate the type of hazard, provided the local rules say that the margins are defined by where the ground breaks! If a body of water is part water hazard and part lateral water hazard, a yellow stake and a red stake should be placed side by side where the change in status takes place. This applies even if the hazard is defined by a line. This practice assists players in determining the status of the hazard where the ball last crossed the margin.

RELIEF FOR BALL IN WATER HAZARD It is a question of fact whether a ball that has not been found after having been struck toward a water hazard is in

No buts over putts

WHERE DO I DROP?? One of the most dreaded problems for any golfer is what happens when the ball goes into some water. And it’s often asked where you should drop the ball? That depends on what kind of water hazard we are talking about and the colour coding! Let’s start with basics, and in golf a water hazard is defined as any sea, lake, pond, river, ditch, surface drainage ditch or other open water course (whether or not containing water) and anything of a similar nature. But, there are types of water hazard:-– a normal water hazard and a lateral water hazard. And there are colour coded stakes around, so look out for yellow for normal, and red for lateral! So, what’s the difference? If a player’s ball last crosses the margin of a normal water hazard, it will be possible for the player to take relief, by dropping a ball behind the hazard keeping the point at which the ball last crossed the margin of the hazard between the hole and the spot on which the ball is dropped. That is Rule 26-1b. If the water hazard is so situated that this is not possible, or the Committee say it is impracticable, the water hazard is a lateral water hazard! A common example of a lateral water hazard would be a body of water running parallel to a hole with the ground on the far side of the hazard’s margin being wooded or extremely overgrown. In this situation, a player could not proceed under Rule 26-1b without dropping his ball in a virtually unplayable lie and, therefore, if the hazard is not defined as a lateral water hazard, the player would be faced with a stroke-and-distance penalty. In the vast majority of situations, bodies of water that meet the definition of a lateral water hazard will be defined as such. However, the Definition of lateral water hazard gives a Committee authority to define such a hazard as a water hazard. A Committee might want to do this if it feels that relief under Rule 26-1c is overly generous and diminishes the

TITTER ON THE TEE For most of the round, the golfer had argued with his caddy about club selection, but the caddy always prevailed. Finally on the seventeenth hole, a 185-yard par three into the wind, the caddy handed the golfer a four-wood and the golfer hesitated. "I think it's a three-iron," said the golfer. "No, sir it's a four-wood," said the caddy. "Nope, it's definitely a three-iron." So the golfer set up, took the three-iron back slowly, and struck the ball perfectly. It tore through the wind, hit softly on the front of the green, and rolled up two feet short of the pin. "See," said the caddy. "I told you it wasn't enough club."

the hazard. In the absence of knowledge or virtual certainty that a ball struck toward a water hazard, but not found, is in the hazard, the player must proceed under Rule 27-1. If a ball is found in a water hazard or if it is known or virtually certain that a ball that has not been found is in the water hazard (whether the ball lies in water or not), the player may under penalty of one stroke: A:- Proceed under the stroke and distance provision of Rule 27-1 by playing a ball as nearly as possible at the spot from which the original ball was last played (see Rule 20-5); or B:- Drop a ball behind the water hazard, keeping the point at which the original ball last crossed the margin of the water hazard directly between the hole and the spot on which the ball is dropped, with no limit to how far behind the water hazard the ball may be dropped; or C:- As additional options available only if the ball last crossed the margin of a lateral water hazard, drop a ball outside the water hazard within two club-lengths of and not nearer the hole than (i) the point where the original ball last crossed the margin of the water hazard or (ii) a point on the opposite margin of the water hazard equidistant from the hole. When proceeding under this Rule, the player may lift and clean his ball or substitute a ball. NOW YOU KNOW! WE’LL BE ASKING QUESTIONS LATER!

Golf's two ruling bodies will ban the anchoring of putters in competition from 1 January, 2016. The R&A and the US Golf Association first unveiled plans last year which were supported by the European Tour but not the PGA Tour. The ban will apply to any club rested against a part of the body, such as the broom-handle or the belly putters. The Rule 14-1b, which was proposed on 28th November, has now been given final approval by the R&A and the USGA following extensive review by both organisations, and prohibits anchoring the club in making a stroke. More details next week

ORIHUELA TAKE MURCIA CROWN

A nail-biting final match, with a late score against the league champions, gave the ITV Orihuela Rugby Club, the Murcia 7’s circuit title on their home ground. That’s on the back of their Alicante title win last year, and was the perfect way of celebrating the club’s 40th birthday. Orihuela were not beaten in the whole championship, and they romped to an easy 41-7 win over Torrevieja, with Sergio scoring 3 of the tries. It was a closer contest against a Murcia XV, with Orihuela notching up a 22-14 victory. They then thrashed Cartagena, 33-0, before their hardest test. A last minute try in a see-saw affair with the league champions, UCAM, saw Orihuela scrape home, 24-22.

The under-18’s played in Elche winning two out of their three matches, beating La Vila 14-10; Alicante University 27-5; but losing out to Elche 7-19. The Alan Davies memorial 7’s tournament is coming up in a fortnight’s time, followed by the annual Murcia 7’s on 8 June.

Friday, May 24, 2013

IS THE ‘SPECIAL ONE’ STILL SPECIAL?

I’D forgotten how much I disliked Jose Mourinho when he was at Chelsea. Strangely, when he went to Italy I warmed to him (well, a bit…), but as I’ve always detested Real Madrid and their devoted disciples dotted disproportionally around Spain, Mourinho’s grey gargoyle has grimaced again lately. There was that Man United quarter-final Champions League match where the Spaniards luckily went through courtesy of Nani’s sending off, but then I had a good old belly laugh last Friday night watching the Copa Del Rey final, Real v Athletico Madrid. If you didn’t see it, you missed a

‘Real’ belter – literally. By the time I tuned in Real were already one up, courtesy of one of those towering Christian Ronaldo headers, his 55th goal this season. But in a real wincing, physical battle, good ol’ Athletico equalised in the

Mourinho. Bags packed for Chelski?

second half, and I began to fancy them, especially as it went to extra time. Mourinho, after a ‘challenging’ season was getting more riled at every incident, eventually resulting in him being sent from the touchline - followed shortly by Ronaldo, red-carded as Athletico went on to deservedly win, tee hee! Biased, moi? That ominous loss meant that Mourinho and his mighty Madrid maestros had won nothing this season: second in La Liga by 13 points currently to magic-Messimotivated Barcelona, then losing the Champions League semi-final to blitzing Bayern Munich. So what did ‘The Special One’ win in his three years at Madrid? Well, he managed to wrest one La Liga title from Barca in 2011/12, won the Copa Del Rey in 2010/11 and the ‘Spanish Super Cup’ (que?) in 2012. Not a lot by splendid Spanish standards - and

ELCHE’S LA LIGA WAIT IS OVER

Real’ve got Christian Ronaldo… Post-Chelsea from 2007 Mourinho did well in Italy, as Inter Milan won five consecutive league titles, three domestic cups and one treble which included the Champions League title before he moved on to the poisoned chalice of Real Madrid. He was employed to end the Barcelona dominance plotted by Pep Guardiola. Hmm… So it’s now been announced he’s leaving Real – mutually... If he’s really ‘coming home’ to Stamford Bridge, will-he-and-the-rabidRussian-get-on-where-theyfell-out-before, and can he spend more buckets of Roman Abramovich’s roubles? Money is one of the reasons I didn’t like the Portugese back then: he won the Premiership by 14 points

one year, and then promptly went out and bought Andriy Shevchenko for a new record £31 million: obscene but if that ‘orrible oligarch Abramovich splashed the cash, why not? It wasn’t just that, though. Mourinho’s ‘special’ ability to get right up everyone outside Stamford Bridge’s noses and wind ‘em up certainly worked on neutrals like me. He turned Chelsea, always a friendly family club into a hated fortressed one, building up an unhealthy ‘siege-mentality’ inside the club as they started to win trophies, and lose friends - like me. In the big domestic battles of the day with Man United though, the Boys in Blue usually came off second best remember that epic Champions League final in Moscow in 2008 postMourinho, when John Terry missed his penalty to win it, and United won the sudden death shoot-out? Poor old Avram Grant - laugh? I thought I’d never stop... In England and Wales today the Premiership is a perilous piranha-patrolled pool for any prodigal son ‘specially’ one returning after a dodgy spell abroad. But Mourinho has testicles, to put it bluntly, he’s never far from the fiery furnace - and the usual suspects in Manchester, the rest of the Capital and Liverpool are already rolling up their sleeves for next season – oh, it’ll be ‘Special’, all right!

EVERY DAY’S A FOOTBALL DAY May If you’ve been on Mars lately, you might not know our local heroes at Elche football club have been promoted back to La Liga, writes John McGregor. That of course means they’ll be meeting the likes of Real Madrid and Barcelona for the first time in 24 years. The season isn’t over yet, with still three games to be played, which

means the next target for Elche is go up as champions. Local rivals Almeria actually beat 2-1 Elche on Sunday to go second equal with Villarreal, staying hopeful of automatic promotion themselves. Elche play Real Madrid’s ‘B’ team, RM Castilla this Sunday with a 5pm kick off. See you there? Mucho Elche!

Torry end with flourish BURIANNA 0

Torrevieja’s longest journey of the season saw the side come away with a flattering win at Burianna, writes Jefferson Scott. The final match of the season saw Torry finish up 12th in the table, well away from their relegation worries of a few weeks ago. Villanueva scored a superb individual first half goal but the

FC TORREVIEJA 3 hosts battered Torry relentlessly in the second half, only to succumb to a brace from Koeman as Torry displayed excellent counter attack tactics. Burianna missed a penalty and even when Jorge was dismissed for a second cautionable offence, he still could not beat Pepitiu, who in his four games in the Torry number one shirt has still to concede a goal..

27th 1915 The FA issue lifetime bans against seven Manchester United and Liverpool players for participating in a match fixing scheme the previous season. 28th 1928 The FIFA Congress in Amsterdam decides to organise an international football tournament. This would eventually become known as the World Cup. 29th 1963 In his 12th game, Bobby Moore becomes England’s youngest ever captain at just 22 years and 47 days. England went on to beat Czechoslovakia 4-2. 30th 1995 Bobby Stokes, the goal scoring hero of Southampton’s 1-0 FA Cup final win over Manchester United in 1976, dies after contracting pneumonia. 31st 1903 Leipzig beat DFC Prag in Hamburg to win the first ever German National League. Prag had been overwhelming favourites, but decided to go a pub crawl the night before. They took an early lead but the previous night’s excesses took their toll and the eventually lost 7-2. Compiled by STUART EVANS

Friday, May 24, 2013

PREMIER SCHOOL’S OUT FOR SUMMER

Headmaster McGregor’s end of year report Manchester United: The Red Devils bounced back to be Champions again after being savagely pipped at last year’s post by their noisy neighbours. ‘Prince’ David Moyes has it all to prove, but this time he has money. Eh Dave, s’hard to take over at the top though, where do you go? Manchester City: Ooh-er, missus…will Roberto Mancini’s Manually-managing man be Engineering early efforts at the Etihad? Chilean? He’ll be in an even hotter seat than Prince David down ‘road at Old Trafford. Worra job! He’ll need very broad shoulders – mind you, looks like he’s got ‘em! Chelski: Capital Kings & won the Europa Cup. Poor old Rafael Benitez has done a tremendous job interimly under unbelievable pressure, even from within. It looks like miserable Mou’s moseying back? En Espana, ‘Specialities’ haven’t gone well lately (see over). Hasta luego, Rafa! Arsenal: Boring, boring, also-rans again - except, of course when playing minnows (this year’s model Bradford City). Gunners still Arsening about in 4th place and in Europe again. OK, s’pose (yawn). Tottenham Hotspur: Hmm…if they hadn’t been

John McGregor reports

‘Baled-out’ this season, Spurs would be struggling. Great Gareth’s not a target man. He’s a one-off lethal creator/finisher – and can Spurs hold on to him? They look like they need some new blood to compete next season. Everton: Who’s Moyesing in? Unlikely, but the Toffees wouldn’t do badly with Rafa. Probably that lovely lad Roberto Martinez? Heyoop, though – winning coop ‘n relegated dun’t look good on yer CV, Roberto. No pasa nada, amigo! Liverpool: Love Phillippe Coutinho. A great buy! Detest Luis Suarez. P’raps he will have learned his very hard lesson? If he has, he’s got my respect. Daniel Sturridge looks like he’s finally found his home. Good first year for Brendan Rodgers, but this season will tell much more. West Brom: Sound season for Steve Clarke. I actually saw him smile after the five by five Fergie finale! Just get rid of O Dim Winger, Stevie, preferably abroad! He’s trouble, that one. Well done, Baggies! Swansea: Breath of Welsh spring air in the Prem. Did great by winning the Capital Cup. Nice lad that Michael Laudrup. More please! West Ham: Big Sam Allardyce is steadily remodelling the Hammers into Bolton re-incarnated: big, ugly and frightening. Andy Carroll fits in perfectly! Bolton (who?) were top six once. Can Samsammers repeat that next season? Norwich: Good late performance to finish half-way.

Chris Hughton’s a sound, experienced manager. C’mon Canaries, delight Delia! Fulham : Dimitar Berbatov’s the star. What if he goes? Bit boring. Stoke: Poor old Tony Pulis. The boo-boys got ‘im. He did a great job . Who else can? Southampton: Well, that new geyser kept ‘em up, didn’t he? See you next season. Aston Villa: Strewth! Sticky, sweaty season, but Paul Lambert’s lambs loyally saw ‘em through. Super season next? Newcastle: The Toon Army don’t like ‘Alain’ Pardew, with his French Foreign legion, and in the end the Magpies just stayed up. Needs sorting. Possibly Pardew-parting perhaps, but he’s on an eight year contract! Sunderland: Ooh! Potty Paulo Di Canio’s posturing’s paused. P’raps Paulo’s to be punished by the PFA ‘cos he lined up the loafers for languishing. Has he gone too far? Exciting! The Relegated: Whither weary Wigan. Wot will happen without wonderful Roberto when…? Reading will rebuild under ‘Nice’ Nigel Pearson, and Harry Redknapp’s staying at Quickly Pruning Relegaters. New Boys in Class: We’ll soon find out how good Cardiff’s Malky Mackay is in the Piranha-primed Prem. Stalwart Steve Bruce and Hull have both bin there, doon that, and it’s either Watford or Crystal Palace to join ‘em. Nah, dunno.