The Courier Week 14 by TKO UK

Edition 14

www.thecourier.es

Friday, May 27, 2011

KICKED IN THE CRUTCH

By DAVE BULL

BACK in 2008, Brian Lane needed knee-replacement surgery. Urgently.

Having suffered agony for months and not wanting to prolong the pain and lack of mobility, he forked out almost €4,000 to have the procedure done privately. Three years and two unsuccessful ops later, the 64-year-old father of four is in even more pain – and desperate for a cure. But Torrevieja’s San Jaime Hospital, where he had a prosthesis inserted to replace his right knee, are demanding ANOTHER €3,800 from him in case the original prosthesis needs replacing. Brian, from La Siesta in Torrevieja, told me: ‘’I was always very active until my knee began giving me trouful because Brian was left in ble several years ago.’’ Desperate to escape the even more pain than before excruciating pain that accom- the new knee was fitted. He panied his ever-worsening changed surgeons and last problem, in 2008 he and wife year a second operation Jackie forked out €3,800 for resulted in bone fragments an artificial knee in a costly being removed. private operation financed by After recuperation and a his insurers rather than wait for the surgery to be done for great deal of physiotherapy, nothing on the Spanish the pain remained – indeed, it got worse still. In agony, he health service.

‘Pay-again’ hospital leaves Brian on his knees

The op proved unsuccess-

Continued on Page 2

WARNING TO READERS

32 tyres slashed at airport in three weeks HUNDREDS of tyres have apparently been slashed on expats’ people carriers parked at San Javier Airport recently. The spate of attacks in the last three weeks drove Stuart from Tyres Direct in Los Dolces to call The Courier and ask us to alert readers to the danger. FULL EXCLUSIVE STORY NEXT WEEK!

ON OUR LORCA APPEAL See page 4

Friday, May 27, 2011

High spot in the Santa Pola fiesta! TELEPHONE

96 672 6437 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Alto del Moncayo s/n, Guardamar del Segura, 03140, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 672 64 37 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Dave Bull (English/Spanish) ADVERTISING SALES 96 672 6437 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 96 672 6437 616 332 178 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Vanessa Gran Alacant, La Marina, Guardamar Tel. 638 741 847 Denise La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 697 241 753 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Writers Dave Bull Malcolm Palmer Mick Hardy Donna Gee Suzanne Manners Spike Paul Payne Sally Bengtsson Tony Mayes Jake Monroe Dan Smith Photographer Mark Welton

Affiliations

Publication Published by Rainbow Media, S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 132 - 2011 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features. Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non-appearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

Picture of the week

96 672 7334

BRIAN’S TORMENT No larking about for IKEA

SWEDISH giants IKEA are hoping to open their doors in two years’ time at the Rebasa site – alongside of the A7 motorway, opposite Decathlon and other commercial sites. Planning permission has still to be negotiated, but it is thought that the major incentive of employment prospects will bring about a speedy decision. The current residents, several pairs of Short-toed Larks, will obviously have no say in the matter.

From Page One

went back to San Jaime and had two phials of fluid drained from his knee. An urgent op was arranged for April 1 this year - but two days beforehand San Jaime informed him he would have to deposit another €3,800 in case a new prosthesis was required. Brian didn’t have the surgeryand has remained in great pain since. Indeed, he says: ‘’The pain is worse than ever. Losing your mobility and basic walking ability makes life so difficult. I have to use a crutch to get around and it’s a real struggle.’’ Now Brian is considering taking legal action against San Jaime over the way he has been treated. ‘’They just wouldn’t

‘’I don’t understand why I should have to pay another €3,800 for putting right whatever has gone wrong,’’ he says. ‘’It just doesn’t make sense.’’ During his early days in Spain, Brian - who has been here for 24 years - owned a sports shop in Villamartin. He is also well-known for his guitar/vocals act but his experiences at San Jaime have altered his positive attitude to the country. Indeed, the financial demands surrounding his knee problem could yet force him and Jackie to return to Britain. The Courier was still waiting for a response from the hospital as we went to press.

Map of the macabre THE Spanish government published on Thursday for the first time a map with the location of over 2,000 mass graves of victims of the 1936-39 Civil War - and the repression that followed during General Francisco Franco's dictatorship.

listen to my side of the story,’’ he told me. ‘’Apart from one sympathetic lady who put her arm around me, the staff I dealt with were very aggressive and unhelpful.’’ Although Brian's insurance company were sympathetic and offered him another operation at a different hospital, they told him he would still have to pay for a second prosthesis. Both Brian's physio and the Spanish NHS have told him the problem needs to be looked at again - but he is adamant he should NOT have to pay a centimo more.

Monday Partly cloudy High Temperature: 24°C RealFeel: 28°C

Today Cloudy High Temperature: 23°C RealFeel: 27°C

Saturday Partly sunny High Temperature: 23°C RealFeel: 26°C

Sunday Partly cloudy High Temperature: 23°C RealFeel: 26°C

Tuesday Sun and showers High Temperature: 23°C RealFeel: 26°C

Wednesday Partly cloudy High Temperature: 25°C RealFeel: 26°C

Thursday Partly cloudy High Temperature: 24°C RealFeel: 26°C

Friday, May 27, 2011 JOSEFINA VILLAVERDE launched her political career at the weekend – at the age of 101!. She stood as the Socialist Party candidate in the municipal elections in the Galician village of Cuntis in north-west Spain. Alert and keen, white-haired Josefina who was born on November 19, 1909 – spent the election campaign canvassing the streets of her hometown with fellow candidates. She remembers casting a ballot in the local school on her 24th birthday in 1933, the first election open to women after parliament gave its approval two years earlier. Her husband had handed her the

JUSTICE Secretary Ken Clarke got himself into quite a tizz over his assertion that not all rapes are the same. That rat Millipede (sorry Milliband, typing error!) immediately jumped on the bandwagon, saying good old Ken should resign immediately over his remarks, suggesting he was belittling rape. What utter drivel. This is b.... Labour at its very worst. It does Millipede no credit to put himself on the side of women who for one reason or another have a paranoid hatred of men. Ken was trying to say that no rape is exactly the same as another. He's right, and here's why. Take the case of a woman walking home in the evening, grabbed and dragged into an alleyway, viciously beaten until she's

Vote for me, I’m 101! voting form at the school entrance as a birthday gift. "He gave it to me, I entered and I put it in the urn. That was the first time women voted in Spain - and I was there," she told the daily El Mundo. Among today's politicians Josefina backs Defence Minister Carme Chacon because she is a woman. "Women for power," she smiled. Chacon could be a candidate to take over the Socialist Party leadership from Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez

Zapatero, who has decided not to stand in next year’s General Elections. But Villaverde admits a preference for Zapatero. "He is handsome and he is a good man,’’ she insisted. ‘’The worst is that he is retiring." Widowed since 1973, Josefina has three great-grandchildren and one great-greatgrandchild. She told El Mundo she had been a "socialist since birth" and loved to talk politics. "You should vote not for your friends but for your principles," she added.

CLARKE PUTS HIS FOOT IN IT!

But TONY MAYES maintains that the Justice Secretary got it right with his controversial comments about rape rendered almost unconscious and then raped - perhaps by more than one man. Compare that, the very worst of rapes, which I would introduce the death penalty for, to one of a promiscuous 14 or 15 year-old who encou-

And Millipede hasn’t got the legs, either...

Eeyore-ways gets himself into trouble!

rages a boy a year or two older into a relationship which ends in intercourse. Like it or not, there are many young teenage girls around who want to experiment with sex and in my day were called jail bait. That teenage boy would end up in court charged with rape and a conviction would cause all the stigma that attaches to that very worst of rapes which I described earlier. Whoever was responsible for creating a catch-all offence of rape, rather than the one of under-age sex ought to have his/her head examined.

Grace It's the sort of muddle-headed nonsense which would have come from Labour and probably encouraged by those men-hating women I've described earlier. I feel pretty strongly about all this for one very good reason. There but for the grace of God... A long time ago, when I was 14, I was keen on a girl of the same age and we met one Saturday and cycled to a quiet spot and began kissing.

A few minutes later, she said: ‘’Please f*** me!’’ I had no idea what she was asking me to do, thank goodness (shows how protected I was) and after a few more kisses and cuddles that was it! It transpired that the girl had had intercourse with another boy in my class a fortnight before and enjoyed it and wanted more. She chose the wrong one with me but she went on to

offer herself to most of the remaining boys in the class. Then she went on to the older class! I have no idea what eventually happened to her. But the fact is that today all those boys could have been charged with rape thankfully not me! As a journalist I covered court cases almost every day of the week and one sticks in my mind to this day. A 16year-old accused a dustman

of rape, alleging that he entered her home, dragged her upstairs and raped her. Remember, in those days there was no forensic science. He was charged and appeared before magistrates who had to decide whether he should be sent for trial. He was a family man who lost his job once charged. During cross examination the

Continued on Page 12

Friday, May 27, 2011

THREE WEEKS ON - LORCA BEGINS TO REBUILD By DAVE BULL THANKS to everyone for a fantastic response to our HELP LORCA appeal. Since last Friday with been inundated with offers of goods and help that just goes to show that people on the Costa Blanca have the biggest hearts! The phones have not stopped ringing and the team in the office have been coordinating drop-off points

and collections so that we can get the things that are so desperately needed in Lorca to the right people as soon as possible. Since the terrible tragedy, Spain's worst earthquake in 50 years which killed nine including a pregnant mother, offers of help have flooded in from around Spain and beyond. Two teams of earthquake recovery experts were preparing to help in Lorca

HELP LORCA

As kind-hearted local folk flood the Courier office with offers of help, a city starts to clear up after the May 11 earthquake but were fortunately not needed. Following two days of mourning announced by Prime Minister Jose Luis Zapatero the government declared that it would be offering tax breaks to busi-

nesses and residents to help the people and the city try to rebuild following the disaster. Already shops and businesses are opening their doors or clearing out the rub-

LORCA WHAT WE GOT! Golfers club together with €500

WE NEED YOUR HELP

THE people of Lorca are still recovering from the shock of the massive earthquake which destroyed many homes and damaged 80% of the houses in the town. Thousands are still living in makeshift accommodation and the following items are in short supply and we can help. Please bring anything you can to help our neighbours and The Courier will make sure it gets there as soon as possible with the help of Unblockarod.

WHAT THEY NEED Tins of fish, such as tuna, sardines etc. Tins or jars of lentils, chick peas, vegetables etc. Rice

Cheese Ham or anything which can be used to fill rolls Sanitary towels and tampons Baby food Baby milk School material such as pencils, colours, notebooks etc.

Drop off any items at: Courier Office – Guardamar Manolo Restaurant Lo Marabu area Cafe Golf - San Javier Rocajuna – Punta Prima IPG Estate Agents – La Marina Iceland in Torrevieja Quick Save - Dona Pepa O’Neill’s Bar in San Miguel Newsagents near Nautilis - Punta Prima Alison 690 731160 Johnson Supermarket in Centro Citrus Commercial, Urb Horizonte Playa Flamenca Johnsons El Galan next to Cheers Bar Quicksave – Gran Alacant If any other bars, shops, offices or restaurants would like to volunteer as drop off points please contact The Courier at office@thecourier.es

Dennis and a friend SYLVIO'S Thursday Group at Villamartin Golf Club, kindly donated from their group fund 500 euros for the Lorca Appeal. The Group, which has been running for 20 years, see this as an opportunity for other groups to get involved and help raise more funds through competitions. What a great idea for details contact Dennis on 966 770 448. Dennis saw the devastation first hand after a visit to his daughter, who lives in Pulpie, which is only five kilometres from Lorca.

ble of what was their shop and a ‘get on with’ attitude seems to be in the air. However, the people of Lorca have a long way to go and no matter how keen their spirit, they cannot do it on their own, and that’s where you, the reader, can help. See below for a list of the goods and items needed in Lorca and if you can how about collecting from our agents and delivering it to

our office in Guardamar? It would be a great help to us if anyone out there can do that and once we have it at the office, Brent Savage from Unblockarod and I will head up to Lorca – as often as is necessary. Please help if you can, I understand how tight things are for everybody at the moment, even a small tin of tuna would help? If not, then your best wishes for the people of Lorca and ours to you.

Top football stars offer their support THE REAL Madrid squad including coach Jose Mourinho and stars such as Cristiano Ronaldo have paid an emotional visit to witness the devastation at Lortca. The squad, led by Jose Mourinho, waved and talked to crowds at the town hall before conducting a tour of the La Vina district. Said Ronaldo: “We are all happy to participate to help those who need it,” as the team then took part in a charity match in Murcia against a team of players from local sides. The trip was special in particular for Madrid player Pedro Leon, who was born in Mula, just a short distance from where the earthquake struck.

Friday, May 27, 2011

COUGHING UP IN THE UK MAKES ME WANT TO CHOKE WELL, here we are, back in good old Britain after spending the past six months in Spain, and after only a week we're both wishing we were back down south. We drove back through Spain and France and the first thing to let readers know about is that as you progress through France, the further north you get the price of fuel goes up, so near the Channel ports it's nearly Euro1.56, and at that price it's actually cheaper in the UK, so take my tip and fill up in Spain and then top up midway through France. On that near 1,000-mile journey on the continent we encountered not one traffic jam and less than a handful of road works which caused no problems at all. But, guess what, on the other side of the Channel, it was the same awful, sorry story, mile-long traffic jams on the M27, and road works controlled by signals. Back to motoring misery. If, during the good financial years, barmy Labour had spent money on roads instead of almost everything else, ours wouldn't now be the joke of Europe. How on earth can Britain be a modern, progressive industrial nation when our roads are so grossly inadequate for the volume of traffic? Labour idiots believed that an integrated traffic system was the answer. What utter rubbish - what's needed is an excellent road and rail network and at a reasonable price for users, to get Britain and its economy moving. Greeting us on arrival was a pile of mail, council tax of £1,400, car insurance renewal a dreadful £650 and a rebate on our electricity bill of only £40 although we haven't used any electricity for six months! Good old Britain. Our next port of call was Sainsbury's for the first British shop in six months and after all the dire warnings about skyhigh prices, I was expecting the worst. But, thanks to a huge assortment of buy one get one free or half price offers, and other deals, our food bill was on a par with Carrefour in Spain. Not so when we discovered a new coffee shop in Chichester, however. The old city hall has been done up and boats a new coffee shop selling cakes which are on a par with that lovely cake and coffee shop near Barclays Bank in Orihuela Costa. The difference is the price. Two coffees and

Back in Britain and Tony Mayes is not happy at paying almost a tenner for two coffees and a cake…

one cake - £9.45. We won't be going there again! Currently it's only 53 degrees in the sea off Sussex and it's cold unless the sun shines. For my money it's Spain every time - currently 70 degrees in the sea in that beautiful Med! Can't wait to be back. Now onto another example of rip-off Britain. Unbeknown to many of us, it's possible to get a loan against your second hand car. They're called logbook loans, which are all very well until the person who has taken out the loan then goes on to sell the car. Because there is nothing recorded in the vehicle documents from the DVLA, the new owner has no way of knowing there's a debt on the car, and what's been happening is that the loan companies have been repossessing cars. Because of the recession many more of these logbook loans have been taken out, and increasingly people have

discovered the car they bought in good faith has been repossessed, often in the middle of the night, taken away from the unsuspecting owner's home. The only way they can get the car back is to pay off the loan. This is a national scandal that should have been controlled as soon as it started. The Labour government were in the process of legislating to stop it, or have loan details recorded in log books. Tories are favouring a voluntary agreement among loan companies to prevent cars being seized from unsuspecting new owners. This is where I part company with Tories - when they favour big business over the interests of the individual. When there's money at stake no company is going to take any notice of a voluntary agreement, legislation is the only answer. At last in-denial politicians are now beginning to admit there's a link between Labour's open door immigration policy, which has, in my view, destroyed Britain, and growing poverty among the poor. Iain Duncan Smith, work and pensions secretary, has admitted that the huge influx of unskilled labour, legal and illegal, meant thousands of people chased unskilled jobs, which meant many British people unable to find jobs and reduced to living on benefits. For far too long politicians were in denial at the disastrous effect immigration would have on Britain, creating the climate that even discussion about it would brand people as racist. I'm now waiting for Labour politicians, and particularly Blair and Brown to admit they were wrong. Pigs will fly first.

Friday, May 27, 2011

THOSE WERE THE DAYS

But just how much can you remember?

1974

1974: Inflation continues to spiral out of control around the world reaching 11.3% in the USA and 17.2% in the UK and the global recession deepens. The famous skeleton "Lucy" is discovered in Ethiopia which lived between 3.9 to 3 million years ago. More and more smaller digital based consumer products appear in the shops and the earliest form of word processor appears which resembles a typewriter more than a computer. After the findings of the Watergate scandal, Richard Nixon becomes the first US president forced to resign from office.

Cost of living Average House Price £10,990 Gallon of Petrol 0.42

Technology • MRI Scanner (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) developed in USA • After 84 days in space, the last crew of the temporary American space station Skylab return to Earth • Pocket calculators start to appear in shops • Offices start using a very primitive word processor that resembles a typewriter • Lucy, an almost complete hominid skeleton more than three million years old, is discovered in Africa. • The first use of UPC or Universal Product Code BAR CODE UPC scanner is installed at Marshes Supermarket in Troy, Ohio (check 1952 for first bar code use not UPC)

Popular Culture • Actor Jon Pertwee makes his final regular appearance as the third Doctor Who and Tom Baker becomes the fifth doctor

Popular Films • The Sting • The Exorcist

• Papillon • Herbie Rides Again • Blazing Saddles • The Great Gatsby • Serpico • Death Wish • The Godfather, Part II • Murder on the Orient Express

Popular TV Programmes • Kung Fu • The Price Is Right • The Waltons • Kojak • Last of the Summer Wine • The Six Million Dollar Man

Popular songs and musicians • ABBA • Beach Boys • David Bowie • Carpenters • Eric Clapton with ‘I Shot The Sheriff’ • Alice Cooper • Deep Purple • Donovan • Ella Fitzgerald • Genesis • Grateful Dead • Joni Mitchell • Van Morrison • Dolly Parton • Queen • Minnie Riperton • Roxy Music • Sparks

• Supertramp • Jethro Tull • The Velvet Underground • Barry White • Paul McCartney with ‘Band on the Run’ • Stevie Wonder

Political Elections This Year A second British General Election this year due to hung parliament. Harold Wilson (Labour) defeats Edward Heath (Conservative) and Jeremy Thorpe (Liberal)

Born This Year Leonardo DiCaprio Alanis Morissette Jimmy Fallon Victoria Beckham

Major World Political Leaders Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam Chinese Chairman of the People's Republic Dong Biwu French President Georges Pompidou (until April 3) succeeded from May 27 by Valéry Giscard d'Estaing Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi Russian/Soviet Union First Secretary of the CPSU Leonid Brezhnev

United States President Richard Nixon (until August 9), replaced by Gerald Ford from August 9 United Kingdom Prime Minister Edward Heath until March 4, succeeded by Harold Wilson from March 4

What Events Happened in 1974? UK • IRA begins bombing campaign on mainland Britain and bombs the Tower of London on July 17. The Houses of Parliament and pubs in Birmingham are also attacked • Richard Nixon becomes the first US President forced to resign following the Watergate Scandal • President Gerald Ford gives unconditional pardon to Richard Nixon • A major US Bank, Franklin National Bank, is declared insolvent • 55 mph speed limit imposed to preserve gas usage US wide World • Worldwide Inflation helps to cause dramatic increases in the cost of fuel, food and manufacturing USA

• Sears Tower in Chicago becomes the world’s tallest building • President Ford announces an amnesty programme for Vietnam War deserters and draft evaders World • The Global Recession Deepens • Petrol shortages and price increases throughout the world help to cause problems in most of the western world’s economies • Governments and people around the world spend more time debating the use of Nuclear Energy to combat problems with oil prices and supply

• Estimate of the world’s population reaches four billion India • Smallpox epidemic in India causes the deaths of between 10,000 and 20,000 people Syria • Henry Kissinger convinces Syria and Israel to agree to a ceasefire on the Golan Heights Cyprus • Turkey Invades Northern Cyprus USA • Patricia Hearst kidnappers demand $70 of food

be given to every needy Californian • In response to the energy crisis, daylight saving time commences nearly four months early in the United States France • Charles de Gaulle Airport opens in Paris U.S. • The largest series of tornadoes in history hits 13 U.S. states and one Canadian province. By the time the last of 148 tornadoes hit, 315 people had died and more than 5,000 were injured. UK • British coal miners join many other unions striking for higher wages India • India successfully detonates its first nuclear weapon, becoming the sixth nation to do so Australia • Cyclone Tracy strikes on December 25 and almost completely destroys the northern city of Darwin. World • Famine caused by drought threatens millions in Africa France • French President Georges Pompidou dies while in office Germany • Hosts West Germany win the 1974 World Cup, beating the Netherlands 21 in the final at Munich’s Olympiastadion Northern Ireland • Northern Ireland's first power-sharing assembly collapses following a crippling strike USA • Work begins on the 800mile long Alaska oil pipeline Portugal • A bloodless military coup is led by General Antoniio de Spinola Argentina • President Isabela Peron (Evita), Juan Peron's third wife, becomes President when her husband dies. Russia • Soviet authorities expel Alexander Solzhenitsyn revoking his Russian citizenship

Friday, May 27, 2011

SCHOOLKIDS TAME THE BULLS!

Cakes, news and sport take charge in Dragons’ Den with a difference LAST Tuesday saw the very first Bull Ring (a kind of Dragons’ Den for kids) at BSA school in Alicante, where eight weeks previously we had asked the youngsters to go away and come up with some new and interesting business ideas. I sat there, with a glass of red of course, and marvelled at just how much work, preparation and inventiveness had gone into the ideas. Well OK, maybe not the combined ham-

LOCAL business people led by Courier editor Dave Bull are visiting schools in the region and offering help and advice to young entrepreneurs. Are you prepared to face up to the Bulls? mer/screwdriver that hadn’t quite got on to the planning table yet and existed only in Roberto, Pablo and Obdulio’s heads, but we had a laugh with them anyway. From the 10 presentations, which included a school newspaper and a sporting events agency (the ‘dog nappy’ idea didn’t

eventually get presented, unfortunately) we chose a top three, who are all now in contact with the ‘Bulls’ and are getting help, ideas and contacts. And they were very interesting ideas. I must say a massive thank you to John Thomas, head of business studies at BSA

school, for his amazing enthusiasm and encouragement to get this project going, and also to the other teams who presented. To Phillip, Alex and Adrian for their combined pen/pencil idea. To Isabel, Elisa, Ana and Marta, who were prepared to bake birthday cakes - and sing Happy Birthday while delivering them. Also to Karyn and Sophie, who had an interesting idea about selling fruit juices to their school mates – well done all of you!

Impress-a-Bull, from left: Richard Cavender, Karen Dowsing, Dave Bull, Brent Savage and Barry Newlove

The winners offer some samples

WINNERS: Alba, Laura, Rosa, Tara, Claudia & Marina (Year 10) THESE cheerful girls knew exactly how to please a load of ‘Bulls’ – feed them! They provided delicious samples for us to try before pitching their business idea. The Idea: Delivery service of cakes, buns, biscuits. Location: Alicante Concept: A very well thought out and presented idea that had all the ‘Bulls’ trying to get in on the act and grab a slice of the cake (so to speak). These girls had even had a trial run of their products at school and they sold out within 20 minutes – showing a €20 profit on an initial outlay of just €10. Not only had they thought about selling their delicious cakes and biscuits in the school, but they had looked into distributing elsewhere. However, the icing on the cake (oh no!) for the judges was when Tara told us they’d considered getting premises to sell the goods from but had thought about it and decided that it was much better to let other shops pay rent and they just supply the shops! Great thinking and an ideal way to start a business of this type. Not only that, they have already spoken to hotels and shops for points of distribution. All they really needed to make this business happen was the help of someone experienced in the retail market. Possible profit: €20 in 20 minutes says it all! Working with: Karen Dowsing, Richard Cavender

SECOND PLACE: Javier and Mario (Year 10)

THIRD PLACE: Oscar and Guillermo (Year 10)

MY ears pricked up when I saw this idea on the agenda and they didn’t disappoint with a well thought out and researched idea. The Idea: School Newspaper Location: BSA School Alicante Concept: Javier and Mario came up with this idea for a school newspaper and had (roughly) worked out the cost of paper and printing . They had also, very impressively, secured three long-term adverts before they even have a working model! Their enthusiasm and basic planning skills impressed all the judges and the intended content had been cleverly thought through. Possible profit - €300 per issue. Working with: Dave Bull, Barry Newlove

THESE lads put on an entertaining show with Guillermo clearly the front man and a beleaguered Oscar in charge of the graphics and the technical part of the presentation. The Idea: Sporting Events Organisers for schools. Location: Mainly Elche Concept: To provide various sporting events for schools on municipal sports pitches (which they had spoken to the Town Hall about and checked) on regular occasions throughout the school year and after school hours. The lads plan to arrange varying sporting events between schools and charge per team for entry. Refreshments would also be provided along with first aid, insurance and supervision. Possible profit - €400 per event. Working with: Paul Payne, Dave Bull, Brent Savage

Newspapers...now there's an idea

Oscar and Guillermo put forward their idea

Friday, May 27, 2011

Services and Solutions

Pedro and Paco, the tax specialists. SERVICES and Solutions started right back in the 90’s, but have been known by the present name since 2004. They offer a range of services, from giving tax advice, and accountancy, to helping you set up a business and answering all your legal questions. The professional friendly service they offer is second

to none, and the fact that two of the partners speak perfect English make this business one that has become a firm favourite among ex-pats in the area. Many of their clients have been using them for over ten years, and as Paco says, the British clients they have are the most loyal of all nationalities. Services and Solutions set

up in 2004, branching off from the then existing “347 Asesores” to meet the needs of the growing population of European citizens in Spain. Many needed tax and legal services in English. Services and Solutions is a team of five qualified professionals, whose combined knowledge have meant they have become leaders in the field

when it comes to helping expats and Spaniards alike, and made them the longest standing legal advice company in the area. Services and Solutions deal with tax matters of individuals and businesses. They know everything about setting up your own company in Spain, and have many British companies on their books, including key hold-

The accounts team: from left to right, Felix, Jon, David and Noemi the smiling receptionist.

ers, bars, restaurants, hairdressers and shops. As Paco says, many British individuals aren’t informed about what they have to do when it comes to tax, and they panic about tax duties. Services and Solutions like to bring these people some peace of mind. In my own experience, I hadn’t filled in a tax form since moving to Spain 9 years previously. Deciding to get things in order I went along, and was pleasantly surprised, after a pain free interview, to later receive a letter in the post informing me I was due a sizable rebate, which came in very handy. Going to see a tax advisor could mean you get money back, and in the majority of cases of expats it usually does. Many retired couples are unsure of how the law works here. When Services and Solutions show them the ropes they end up much happier and feel they have their lives in some kind of order. When someone passes away, if they haven’t got their tax in order, there could be problems for the widow or widower. Services and Solutions believe in giving good, honest service, and they have a twenty year long reputation which can support this.

They are still here after the credit crunch. Sevices and Solutions are situated right in the heart of Santiago de la Ribera, on the first floor of the building next to the petrol station. They are just two kilometres from San Javier airport, and three kilometres from San Pedro. The team of professional advisors consists of: Paco Serra, who deals with nonresident and ex-pat taxation, social security and professional training. Paco did a degree in English, which explains his fluent language skills. Pedro Yelo is in charge of business tax and company tax. David Ortega is the senior accountant. Jon Larregui is an accountant and Felix Gimenez is in charge of fiscal accounts. Opening times are Monday to Friday 8am to 3pm. For further information see their main ad on this page or phone 968 573 864 or 675 675 823. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice. The initial consultation is free. Personal income tax forms should be filled in by June 30th this year. Documents should be brought in by June 25th.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Unblock-A-Rod Unblock-A-Rod is owned by ex DynoRod engineer Brent Savage and run by his manager Mick who is a fully qualified drainage engineer and builder. The company offers a complete drainage service on the Costa Blanca South and has been trading successfully for the past 9 years. Operating a 24 hour emergency service, Unblock-A-Rod are always there for those occasions when things have to be put

right quickly. Unblock-A-Rod will get to the heart of the problem and have your drains flowing in no time at all. As well as private customers, Unblock-A-Rod have contracts with many urbanisations to carry out regular maintenance on community drains. For all your drainage services make sure you trust the job to professionals, one thing is certain – drainage and sewage work MUST be completed to the highest standard possible.

A concrete slab has broken the pipe

Plant roots have grown in the broken pipe

A new pipe was fitted by Unblock-A-Rod

Hole filled, tiles replaced “good as new” Our full range of services are as follows: 24 hour Emergency Service 7 days a week · High Pressure Jetting to clear/clean drains · CCTV internal inspection of toilets, sinks, baths and showers and drains to diagnose problems · Tracing to find hidden pipe work · Cleaning small bore pipes e.g. Kitchen sink waste and shower waste pipes · All drain work requiring excavations, the ground will be reinstated by qualified engineers to the highest standard possible · Urbanisation service contracts carried out twice yearly, to keep drains clear and smell free at a low cost · Routine maintenance contracts available with fixed annual pricing for businesses, urbanisations and individuals · Insurance repairs · A professional service at an extremely reasonable price at all times · Vans manned with 2 engineers, ensuring the work is completed quickly, at a good price, with Health & Safety always in mind · ANY blockages can be located and cleared!! Unblock-A-Rod S.L is fully legal Spanish registered business and a member of The International Business Association (TIBA). Please contact Unblock-ARod on 618356270 or 966720109 or email us: info@unblockarod.com These contact details are worth keeping in your phone book!

Friday, May 27, 2011

No need to live in fear - Help at Home is here! KEN PUTS HIS FOOT IN IT Continued from Page 3 girl finally broke down and admitted the accusation was untrue. She said the reason she made up the story was that her father had abused her for years and the dustman looked like him! Here are cases which shows how right Clarke is when he says not all rapes are the same, and what a prat Millipede is. And women do themselves no favours when some of them do what they are very good at making wild accusations against a man who has upset them. What is the old saying... there is no fury like a woman scorned? That's why juries have to be so careful before convicting a man of rape and destroying that guy's life in the process. Stupidly, women cry rape for all manner of reasons. Take the story line in Coronation Street where a young girl flirts with a man to seal a business deal, by doing so giving him signs to try it on and when he does, she cries attempted rape. It's no wonder that men have become far more wary of having a relationship with a woman - perhaps the time is coming when a man will have to carry a consent form with him for the woman to sign agreeing to sex!

Victim Clarke was attempting to introduce the idea where a man accused of rape would receive a lower sentence if he pleads guilty early in the proceedings - the idea being it will save the victim the trauma of having to attend a lengthy trial. Sorry Ken, I believe that sentences for a whole range of crimes in the UK are far, far too lenient already and a further watering down is wrong. Compare the attitude in Britain with America where the head of the IMF, accused of attempted rape, is remanded in custody. Perhaps it's time we stopped reducing sentences and built more prisons, and, better still, work camps where convicted criminals are forced to work, and work hard, to win their liberty and to hell with their human rights. By committing an offence against society they lose those rights.

THE new Help at Home organisation (HAH) is now operational in the Torrevieja area, with a team of volunteers offering some free assistance to those in need. It has been in the planning stage for several months in order to comply with all the red tape that is required to become a legal organisation. Norah Bond, president of HAH Costa Blanca, said: "We have a great team of volunteers who are prepared to work for free, which is amazing in these times of economic crisis. ‘‘These fantastic people want to help those in need of all ages and all nationalities within a 15km radius of Torrevieja.

Proud "I am so proud of them and want to say a big thank you to every volunteer in the team of HAH Costa Blanca. ‘‘Without you we would not be able to offer this important service, which will undoubtedly give peace of mind to many people who feel unsure whether to stay in Spain or not as they get older.’’ Norah explained that moving to a foreign country on retirement was a brave step to take. It is OK when you have a partner, but sadly, as time goes by, one passes away, has a stroke, becomes very ill or falls, breaking a hip or leg. ‘‘We know that we have to act fast and we felt the best way forward to offer a professional service was to meet with other charities and associations who have the same aim, and work together to offer help to those in need. ‘‘We would like to take this opportunity of thanking them for their support, in particular Paul Cunningham Nurses who provide free hospice care to terminally ill patients.

Concern ‘‘Many have returned to their homelands because they are worried about their future as they get older. ‘‘Healthcare is the main concern for most people, but we at HAH Costa Blanca aim to give you peace of mind. We are here to help you when you need a little free help at home.’’ There are 30-plus volunteers who want to help those in need at home, following assessment by lead nurse Helen Catarall and Sheila

Norah and her angels wing to aid of Torrevieja’s needy Rowell, volunteer coordinator. However, more volunteers are needed to help build the team to work in Ciudad Quesada, Entre Naranjos, Los Montesinos, Pilar de la Horadada, Campoverde, La Marina and all areas of Torrevieja. If you would like to become a volunteer, please call Sheila on 603 245 020, and she will happily register you. Should you need nursing care, call Helen on 698 779 287. ‘‘Our aim is to provide an English speaking nurse whose qualifications will be convalidated by the Spanish medical authorities very soon. ‘‘We will offer nursing care free, a service to those needing nursing care. We are in the process of organising this

with the support of the Consul and the Diputacion de Alicante and Social Services Torrevieja. ‘‘We also offer respite care, drivers and social services advice should anyone need to claim long-term help at home, disability grading to obtain a parking permit and meals on wheels.

Services ‘‘The social services provision usually take six to eight weeks to organise, and we at HAH Costa Blanca offer free help in the home in the meantime. ‘‘In the near future, we will offer hospital sitters, translators and mobility equipment." Norah and her HAH team have the full support of the British Embassy in Madrid and Paul Rodwell, the Consul at the Alicante Consulate, the Diputacion de

Alicante and Social Services in Torrevieja and of course sponsors who are fundraising to cover expenses for HAH Costa Blanca. These are Peter and Fiona Day of Jukebox Legends, Ricky Valance, The Emerald Isle La Florida, Company Women, Neil of Med-Print, Women of Fire, Turycosta, BGE and ECO business groups and local radio stations and English newspaper groups. HAH will hold regular meetings/clinics in all areas for anyone wishing to help or needs help. Dates and venues will be advised very soon. Also HAH will be at the This Is Spain Exhibition at La Zenia Hotel this coming weekend. Do visit our stand. For more information info@HelpAtHomecb.org or visit www.HelpAtHomecb.org

Friday, May 27, 2011

It could happen to U2 PERHAPS it was fate that took Rob Bloomer to a West Midlands wine bar one evening where the final of a karaoke competition happened to be taking place. Because when the organisers found themselves one artist agreed to fill in – and went on to win the contest! That encouraging experience convinced Rob he could actually sing, so he joined a band doing charity gigs and helped to raise a lot of money. Later, he auditioned for a Led Zeppelin tribute after seeing an advert in the local press – and became part of the highly successful Fred Zeppelin act. Having started his own Chatting business and with time at a The tribute band were so premium, Rob eventually had popular that they played to to forego his position in the thousands - and Robert Plant band, though he did go on to himself came to see them on form a successful Black Sabbath tribute act. numerous occasions. However, U2 were always At one gig Rob spent two hours chatting to the legen- his first love – and he was instantly recognisable as a dary vocalist and lyricist. Rob went on to be voted Bono lookalike. He followed the band all Frontman of the Year in the Midlands as Fred Zeppelin over the world and during became instigators of the tri- U2’s 2005 Vertigo Tour, more bute movement in the UK than 500 people watched along with the Thin Lizzy tri- Rob’s impromptu gig before bute band Limehouse Lizzy. entering the Los Angeles

short, Rob

Lucky break sparked lookalike’s Bono act

Rob Bloomer with Robert Plant (centre) and (right) Bono’s brother Norman Hewson enjoying Rob’s show

arena. He went on to form a band called U2-4U which played to huge crowds, and when he came to Flamenca on holiday he did a few turns in a couple of local Spanish bars. He had both places rocking and was even recognised on the plane home!

Whim The vibes were so good that two weeks later Rob gave up his job and drove back to Spain on a whim. His act took off – and he fell in love with Spain.

These days he is a highly popular fixture on the Costas, playing at venues as far apart as Valencia and Gibraltar. And just last week at Los Belgas Restaurant, Rob’s act was watched by Bono’s brother Norman Hewson, whose daughter loved it. Rob is currently on tour in the Torrevieja area, where his unmissable act includes songs from every decade and every album. It’s like watching the real thing!

CRICKET ESPANA KIDS HAVE A BALL (AND A BAT, TOO) MORE than 100 children took part in Cricket Espana’s MCC Legacy junior cricket festival at La Manga club. Events included seven-aside softball matches, throwing and catching competitions with a hard ball, and a 20/20 match as the final event of the day. A planned morning coaching session to be held by a group of new Level One coaches had to be cancelled due to poor weather. The standard of play was excellent throughout with boys and girls aged from four to 18 playing in mixed teams. The softball event featured teams from Mar Azul International School – who fielded both a senior and junior team - Sporting Alfas CC, San Fulgencio and La Manga Lions CC. Each team played three matches with

It’s Showtime at Casa Ventura...

FRIDAY June 3 is SHOWTIME at Casa Ventura in San Luis - one of several events coming up in aid of Paul Cunningham Nurses. The Variety Show Group's first summer show features music and songs from the ‘60s, and the Marina Tappers will also be there to entertain you with some of their fanstatic routines. The show starts at 8.30pm and tickets are just €4, with food available on the night. Call 639 318 526 for tickets or email sueinthesun@hotmail.co.uk - or call in to the Quesada Charity Shop. It’s Carnation Day on May 31 so please support the charity by buying and wearing your red carnations. We ask for a donation of just €1 and please look out for news of our latest fundraising efforts, copper collecting bags, recycling of mobile telephones and lotto cards. We will be at Casa La Pedrera on Saturday and Sunday June 4 and 5, and also on Saturday June 25. A fantastic Summer Fun Day is planned at Palms Equestrian Centre in Catral.

GREAT OUTDOORS winners Sporting Alfas unbeaten throughout. Winners in the Cricket Ball Throwing competition winners were: U11 - James Wilson Pestell (Mar Azul School / La Manga Lions CC); U13 - Kieran Perman (Sporting Alfas CC); U15 Adam Algar (San Fulgencio CC), U17/U19 - Joel Brook (La Manga CC).

All players won a Newbery

training shirt sponsored by Cricket Travel. Cricket Travel also donated Newbery Bats to the following players for outstanding achievement on the day or representing their school or club: Emily Hill (San Fulgencio), James Wilson Pestell (Mar Azul School / La Manga Lions), Waqar

Asha (Sporting Alfas), Adam Algar (San Fulgencio). Other winners on the day were: Ludvig Sandstrom, Agnes Sandstrom, Robin Miles, Isabelle Brook, Aiden, Charley Mitcham, Kirsty Ferris, Indie Pirie, Harrison, Charlie, Jack Harris.

Cricket Espana would like to thank all the volunteers, coaches and parents who helped to organised the events.

Play rugby? Scrum and join us!

SANTA POLA Sharks Rugby Academy was set up by former Fiji international player Antonio Nawaqavou. Tony, who played most of his rugby in New Zealand, is looking at bringing back the good old days of rugby. He has already set up academies in the USA, Fiji, New Zealand, which are run by former Test stars Pat Lam and Wayne Shelford, and a Spanish

one just south of Madrid. The idea is to help local clubs from Alicante down to Murcia along the N332 to develop their players and clubs respectively. At the moment the Santa Pola academy, SPRA, is looking for players aged under 23 and under 26 to take

part in an invitational tournaments, plus other pre-arranged matches like last weekend against Medway, which they won. A group of players from Novelda plus others are already committed to the game. So for further information about the SPRA and its other various arms, as well as tournaments, contact Tony on 671 980 258 or email santapolasharks@gmail.com

Yolk’s on you, kids ALL the birds are nesting now. Remember how you used to find nests when you were a kid? Maybe, like me, until I knew better, at least, you nicked the eggs? Ever wondered why you don’t find nests any more? You’re too big, that’s why. Small boys (and girls, I suppose) are looking UP into bushes, against a background of sky, so they see the tell-tale blob.

Friday, May 27, 2011

I’ve got Parkinson’s - what a laugh! BOB MONKHOUSE never lost his brilliant sense of humour right up to his dying day. And the late, great comedian’s legacy of laughter taught me a lesson I plan to utilise every waking hour from now on. Because life is too short to be taken over-seriously. Even by a Grumpy Old Gran like me. To most young people, the aches and pains of advancing years are just hearsay. But take it from me, kids, old age is gonna getcha - and quicker than you think! (Though it doesn’t hurt quite so much out here in the sun). There’s a good chance you’ll end up a stooped old wrinkly shuffling your way along the streets or causing irritating queues in the newsagents as you fumble for change. And dropping your purse on the floor for someone else to pick up will become more the rule than the exception.

How brave Bob helped me see the funny side of illness

‘‘Ten,’’ said the doctor. ‘‘Is that weeks, months?’’ The doctor looked at his watch and continued: ‘‘Nine, eight, seven...’’ That Monkhouse joke reignited my belief that when old age and/or illness strike, the most effective way to fight it is to laugh at life, however difficult that may be. PICK OF THE MONKHOUSE ONE-LINERS I half expected Bob to The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey throw in a line about his uniArcher novels. I must remember to take enough toique ‘’sense of tumour’’. He let paper next time. didn’t – but there's a fair bet Personally I don't think there's intelligent life on other he’s up there in his celestial planets. Why should other planets be any different home right now haranguing from this one? St Peter with his one-liners. My wife said: "Can my mother come down for the Choruses weekend?" So I said "Why?" and she said "Well, In the meantime, I’ve told she's been up on the roof two weeks already". my kids and grandkids I want I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not to hear them singing at my screaming and terrified, like his passengers. funeral, not being just plain I tend to sleep in the nude. Which isn't a bad thing miserable. except for maybe on those long flights Perhaps a couple of choruA tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the piloses of ‘Always Look on the t's ribs and demanded "Take me to the canaries". Bright Side of Death’ will help I remember when safe sex was a padded head– not that I’ll be able to join board. in, of course. My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She Meanwhile, life goes on for denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would me and my constant compa- keep me fresh. nions Angina and ParkinHow can we expect a politician to believe in the sons, with semi-permanent wisdom of the people when he knows it was the backache and painful hip people who voted him in? joints thrown in as a bonus. I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no But I’m happy because I am distance. lucky enough to be spending I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses my twilight years enjoying life a smoke alarm as a timer. in the Spanish sunshine. I spilt some stain remover on my sleeve. How do you I also see a new career on get that out? the horizon. If my Parkinsons

‘They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They’re not laughing now’

Angina I know – because I’m heading towards the world of zimmer frames myself. And it’s not pleasant. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with angina and had two stents inserted in an angioplasty procedure to widen my coronary arteries. Now I have been told by a neurologist that I also have a form of Parkinson’s Disease. Not very pleasant, but millions of people are in far worse health than I am, and hopefully I will be around for a good few years yet. I have also found a true inspiration in the unique humour of Bob Monkhouse. Like him, I believe that the

Bob Monkhouse: I half expected him to throw in a line about his unique ‘sense of tumour’ best antidote to illness and the negativity of ageing is laughter. The Monkhouse School of Mirth may not cure major ailments, but a good giggle certainly lifts the spirits. When Bob knew he was dying from prostate cancer, he not only kept smiling - he incorporated it into his act. Back in the 1970s, I was lucky enough to see one of his stand-up shows at a

plush London hotel. Until then, I had always regarded him as smarmy and insincere, but I realised that evening that I was watching a true genius strutting his stuff. Not long before he died in December 2003, and still looking amazingly fit despite his advanced cancer, he quipped on Michael Parkinson's chat show that he had asked his doctor: ‘‘How long have I got to live?’’

gets any worse, they might give me my own chat show.

Play fair, you quizzers

I’VE always enjoyed quizzes. Indeed, I can’t think of a more enjoyable challenge than testing one’s knowledge accompanied by a backdrop of sunset and sangria. Let’s face it, you can’t beat a good old trivia contest for nostalgia. And for those with a competitive edge like myself, what could be more fun than pitting your wits against your peers over a drink or six? Well, that’s how it should be - but unfortunately a new type of competitor seems to be creeping into the local quiz scene. I’m talking about cheats. One local quizmaster told me last week that ever-advancing technology is beginning to make his job a nightmare. He recently caught a contestant downloading answers from the internet to an i-phone or whatever it was - and now has the embarrassing job

Young Bob - nothing to laugh about

of having to request at his quizzes that competitors play by the rules. Having seen how the latest technology can instantly identify songs and artists from just a couple of bars of music, I fear that the days of the fun quiz are numbered. Not because people don’t want them. Far from it - they are an important element of expat culture. The problem is that some people seem prepared to do anything to win - and are too stupid to realise that by cheating, they are not only deluding themselves but also spoiling everyone else’s enjoyment. They say that cheats never prosper but sadly it’s the honest people who will be the ultimate losers. Because unless the devious element are sent packing, I fear the days of expat quizzes are numbered.

l q l q l q l q l q l q happiness is when you marry a girl for love lReal and find out later she has money.

Whether you agree or disagree with Donna’s views, email your comments to Donna773@aol.com

Friday, May 27, 2011

WHAT THE SPAN

RONALDO FOR SALE – ONLY €150 MILLION

(Er…that’s plus more than €200,000 a week in wages too!) By DAVE BULL

Mourinho following a training-ground bust-up. And club pres-

betThe sensational development follows a huge row between the star Portuguese forward and manager Jose

to the red side of Manchester. In 2009 Madrid paid a world-record fee of £80m to Manchester United and Perez wants to recoup that, and a bit

more it seems. Last season Ronaldo was Madrid’s answer to

REAL MADRID are ready to shock the football ident Florentino Perez is reluctantly willing to listen to offers. the dominance of Barcelona and Lionel Messi. However, even the top clubs will be stunned by the huge world by putting Cristiano Ronaldo up for sale That is bound to alert the big-money men at Manchester City and some have even rumoured that Ronaldo wants a return fee and the player’s wages. He currently ‘earns’ €20 million a for an incredible £150million.

British wife in Costa gas and sex attack HOLIDAYMAKER RAPED IN HOTEL A BRITISH mother-of-two on a Spanish holiday was assaulted at a hotel while her husband lay unconscious next to her, it was alleged last week. Describing the incident a police spokesman said the victim, a woman aged 56, was gassed and raped in Benalmadena, Spain, after a mystery gas was pumped into the couple’s roof-top bedroom. '’I think he somehow gassed us and then came in. My wife woke me screaming my name at around 4am and I ‘’ealised someone was in the room with her,' the 55-yearold man told The Sun. The couple, from Greater Manchester, were nearing the end of their Costa del Sol holiday when the sex fiend gassed them at the Hotel Siroco. Police say that the attacker fled from the room naked

when the couple woke up, escaping with a large amount of money. The victim was treated by doctors in Spain last Monday morning but has the worry of facing an HIV test when she arrives back in the UK. A Malaga police spokesman confirmed they were investigating the gassing, adding that, so far, no-one had been arrested in connection with the attack. In a later twist a Foreign Office spokesman said it had not even received a report of the attack but offered the following advice to holidaymakers: ‘’Be alert to the possible use of ‘date rape’ and other drugs including ‘GHB’ and liquid Ecstasy.‘Buy your own drinks and keep sight of them at all times to make sure they are not spiked; female travellers should be particularly watchful.'

year at the Bernabeu although he does get taxed heavily and is left with ‘only’ €12m net – which equates to over €200,000 a week. However, Manchester City, whose Arab owners could afford the sum, have declared they do not plan a summer transfer spree and Ronaldo is not part of their plans. This isn’t the first time the two big names at Madrid have argued and reportedly they fell out over Mourinho’s set-up for the Champions League semi-final against Schalke and his goal scoring exploits in two leagues have turned him into a worldwide icon. Madrid will have to lower their asking price to attract any offers unless, of course, Manchester City get their chequebook out following the departure of captain Carlos Tevez.

Friday, May 27, 2011

NISH PAPERS SAY

CHE’S MOTORBIKE PARTNER DIES AGED 88

Madrid’s vote of defiance By Spike

TENS of thousands of Spaniards spent the week leading up to the elections demonstrating about high unemployment rates - now over 20% for the young. Protesters from all over Spain filled the country's city squares in a show of protest over the government’s austerity measures, marking a shift after years of patience over a long economic slump. In the heart of Madrid at least 20,000 people packed the Puerta del Sol on Friday night, challenging the law against political

events on the eve of elections, which had come into effect at midnight. But in defiance of the new law, demonstrations continued on Saturday night and when the clock sounded midnight signalling election day, the crowd at Puerta del Sol plaza erupted into chants of "This is how Madrid votes". Police did not stop the demonstrations despite the legislation which has been upheld by the Supreme and Constitutional courts. But analysts said that police action against the peaceful demonstrations would be disastrous for the Socialists.

SPANISH POLICE ARREST MOST-WANTED BRIT ONE of the most wanted men in Spain, Jamie Dempsey, was arrested last week during a raid on a property in Benahavis, Marbella. He allegedly conspired to supply 299 kilos of cocaine in the spring of 2009 worth approximately €90 million. Dempsey 33,

from Essex, is being held in connection with a cocaine empire in Europe and his arrest follows his appearance on the most wanted list released by the Serious Organised Crime Agency (SOCA) in February. Said Dave Cording, of Crimestoppers, “This is

another great result which means that now 50% of the most recent batch of wanted individuals have been arrested. ‘Not only is the campaign successful in tracking people down in Spain, but it displaces them as well.”

Telefonica profits dip SPANISH telecoms giant Telefonica reported a 1.9 per cent slip in net quarterly profit to €1.624 billion last week. The amount was below the average figure of €1.72 billion expected by analysts but data from the company indicated that the setback reflected an increased tax charge, increased financial charges and a negative contribution from holdings in other companies. Telefonica is the second-biggest company in the European telecoms sector in terms of capitalisation and sales rose by 10.8 per cent from the equivalent figure for the first quarter of last year to €15.435 billion. Operating income before amortisations

rose by 9.0 per cent to €5.574 billion and the operating outcome by 4.3 per cent to €3.057 billion. Company president Cesar Alierta said that the trend of the results in the first quarter supported the group's targets for the whole year. Telefonica said in February that it was targeting an increase in sales this year of up to 2.0 per cent. It said that 71.0 per cent of sales were now generated outside Spain, and that growth had been particularly strong in Brazil. In April, the group said it intended to shed 20 per cent of its staff in Spain, or about 6,000 people, owing to a fall of sales in the country where it is the biggest telecom service provider.

Friday, May 27, 2011

JUNIOR STRIKERS FOOTBALL ACADEMY & PLAYA FLAMENCA C.F JUNIOR Strikers Football Academy is proud to announce their new league football name for next season, Playa Flamenca C.F. Junior Strikers has a reputation second to none within the children’s football sector here on the Costa Blanca. They are striving to become the number one development centre where local children can learn, Develop and enter into the world of football. Coach Junior told us “My vision for the Academy is to take it beyond all expectations, Our new league name Playa Flamenca C.F is something that had to happen in order to progress not only as an academy but also as a club where the children

will now be representing an area like all other football clubs here in Spain. Hopefully our new name will also make us more attractive to the higher age groups, Infantil, Cadete and Juvanil. I am currently working with a number of scouts and high level coaches from the UK who want to get involved and enhance my Academy. I have also developed strong links with professional clubs both in the UK and here in Spain so if you want your child to further their football Education, look no further than our academy”. Junior Strikers are renowned for producing and placing talented children into high level academies,

with current players being selected to represent Villarreal in tournaments and ex players at Barcelona, Aston Villa and St Mirren coach Junior has

just arranged for another child who has been with Junior Strikers for three years to join Watford’s youth academy in September. If you have a star in the making, Junior Strikers Football Academy will

ensure that your child will be noticed. The onus is on them to put your child on the right platform to their professional football career. Junior Strikers have been competing in the local Vega Baja childrens football league for the last two years. They have enjoyed two good seasons where teams from across all age groups have finished high up in their respective leagues. Junior Strikers have two Semi Finals to look forward this year, this alone shows that the club is already holding it’s own against the might of the municipal set ups here on the Costa Blanca. Playa Flamenca C.F will be playing in the Vega Baja

league but are also aiming to enter the Federation league next season. They are currently recruiting for all age groups from Pre Benjamin’s years 20052004, Benjamin 2002-2003, Alevin 2000-2001, Infantil 1999-1998, Cadete 19971996 and Juvanils 16-19 years. All home games next season will be played at the Playa Flamenca sports centre. Coach Junior added” We are looking for experienced players to represent Playa Flamenca C.F in our Federation league teams and players of all abilities to represent our Vega Baja league teams. Please contact us ASAP as spaces within teams will be limited”. For more info about Junior Strikers please visit www.juniorstrikers.com

When I was at school, I used to worry about what I would do if I didn't get great marks in class.

BELIEVE it or not, at my school it was cool to be clever, so most kids were keen to do well. While most of the time that was good thing, sometimes we all felt the pressure to come out top. We've all heard that it's important to work hard at school and do your best. I think that's good advice. But what should you do if your best isn't enough to get the grades you want? If you're trying hard, but still struggling with your school work, what should you do? Worry about it? Ask for help? Or is it easier to just give up all together?

Do you school?

worry

about

It's quite usual to struggle with school work - apparently one in five kids do. If you are having a hard time - don't be embarrassed to ask for help - that's what parents and teachers are there for. If you've had help and you still feel you can't cope, then don't worry. You could be great at something more practical. If you're good at fixing stuff, you could become a mechanic, if you're good at art, you could become a designer. It is not the end of the world. If you are studying for exams and you fail as long as you have tried your best that is all anyone can ask of you. If you have a learning need such as Dsylexia then additional time can be given to you in exams to complete the Exams. If you have problems with reading you may also be entitled to have someone read for you as well as write for you. All English and International schools will be able to help you with this as per the conditions set out for children with special requirements by the examining board. Exams can also be retaken as can repeating a year in Spanish school. All adults will probably tell you that being 15/ 16 and studying for exams is one of the hardest times of their lives. So there will be someone who understands. Kids tell us their school worries If you are worried about your school work, the most important thing to try and realise

is that not doing well in class doesn't mean you're a failure. You might not be top of your maths class, but that doesn't mean you won't become a success in life. So instead of worrying about your school work, spend that time finding something else you're good at...and do your best to become great at it. If you chose to leave school at 16 with your Spanish Diploma or GCSE’S there are options for you here in Spain. The first step is to try and decide what you want for the future this is usually based on something you are interested in. For example if you want to work in the Media industry you need to find out what qualifications you are going to need and then work backwards. This can be done by contacting local newspapers, radio and TV stations and speaking to their personnel department. Or look on the internet at job specifications for journalists. If a degree is required you then need to look at the entry requirements at Universities for these courses and then look at how to obtain these qualifications. Further Education is available at all of the International Schools and it is possible to study for the Bachillerato at Spanish schools. Whether you study A levels, BTEC, or Bachillerato you can then progress to studying for a degree either in Spain the UK or other parts of the world. For many 16 year olds studying in higher education is not something that they want to do. Lots of young people learn better through learning a trade whilst working. It is possible to do this in Spain and you need again to decide on an interest that you have and try and seek an apprenticeship with a local business or offer to work voluntarily to gain work experience. San Miguel College and Oscar Marine who offer engineering courses are looking at these options so that apprenticeships can be offered along with BTEC courses. There are a number of Hair and Beauty courses that are available at local salons. We suggest that you watch in the local press for Careers evenings that schools and colleges may be offering in the near future. Written by Mar Azul International School, info@marazulinternationalschool.com www.marazulinternationalschool.com

Friday, May 27, 2011

KIDDIES CORNER

ARE ALIENS IN THE SEA?

Are aliens attacking the Sea of Japan? Not exactly. But these gigantic blobs are unwelcome visitors from another place. Called Nomura's jellyfish, the wiggly, pinkish giants can weigh up to 450 pounds (204 kilograms)—as heavy as a male lion—

and they're swarming by the millions. The supersize sea creatures—normally found off the coasts of China and North and South Korea—occasionally drift east into the Sea of Japan to feed on tiny organisms called plankton. But now one hundred times

the usual number of jellyfish are invading Japanese waters. And local fishermen are feeling as if they are under siege. The fishermen's nets are getting weighted down, or even broken, by hundreds of jellyfish. The jellies crush, slime, and poison valuable fish in the nets, such as the tuna and salmon that the fishermen rely on to make a living. No one knows for sure what's causing this jellyfish traffic jam. It's possible that oceans heated by global warming are creating the perfect jellyfish breeding ground. Another theory is that overfishing has decreased the numbers of some fish, which may allow the jellies to chow down without competition for food. For now, all the fishermen can do is design special nets to try to keep the jellies out. Some of them hope to turn the catastrophe into cash by selling jellyfish snacks. Peanut butter and jellyfish, anyone? Fast Facts Baby Nomura's jellyfish change from the size of a grain of rice to the size of a washing machine in six months or less. Jellyfish are 95% water. Jellyfish aren't actually fish, they're invertebrates—animals without backbones.

MORE VOLCANO TROUBLE

On May 21 Iceland's most active volcano, Grímsvötn began erupting, spewing a 12-mile-high (19-kilometerhigh) cloud of ash. The eruption has also generated volcanic lightning. Grímsvötn volcano is one of seven volcanoes located under the Vatnajökull ice cap. Icelandic airports have cancelled flights because of the ash, and London's Heathrow Airport may be affected by the end of the week. In 2010, Iceland's Eyjafjallajökull volcano erupted, disrupting air traffic across Europe for several days.

Shell's car competition Teams from 30 universities and 18 high schools from the United States and Canada - including the first all girls team -- met in Houston for Shell's Eco-marathon Americas competition on April 16 and 17 to show that it is possible to create cars that use less fuel. The teams proved this by slowspeed racing their homemade vehicles. The all-girls team from Washington's Granite Falls High School had high hopes for their lime green vehicle, the Iron Maiden, but technical problems denied them their fuel economy goal of 678 miles per gallon (288 kilometres per litre), which would have broken the 26-year-old program's previous record for diesel vehicles. Instead, they ran at 378 mpg (161 km/l) and received a special award for safety in vehicle design, construction and onsite behaviour.

Friday, May 27, 2011

This is Spain Exhibition

This weekend – 27, 28, 29 May Hotel La Zenia Orihuela Costa • 10-00am to 6-00pm each day. €1 entry to include a free raffle ticket • Access from N332 (off La Zenia roundabout, towards the sea) and AP7 (exit 763) • Ample car parking within the area

Companies attending • Awnings, conservatories, drinking water and full house descaling water systems • Kitchens, pool products, paving, mosquito blinds, estate agents • Beauty, health, jewellery, accessories, slimming products • Haircuts for the gentlemen and make-up for the ladies • TV system providers, cookers, kitchen utensils, household goods • Language schools, insurance, security, car hire, media • Lawyers, eco products, wall coverings • Typical Spanish food and wine tasting, garden accessories, greetings cards • Snack lunches for €4.50 including a drink See some of the latest products and services on the market, offering special exhibition discounts and job opportunities, and support your local charities

Programme of Entertainment Sat 28th: 12:00 Maria O'Hara 12:30 Lewis Laking 1:00 Emily Hullman 1:30 Flamenco for all dancers, directed by Raquel Pena. More information from 630 689 431 2:00 Terry Jay 2:30 BJ Bluesman 3:00 Lyden B 3:30 Bono U2

Sun 29th 12:00 Tony Kelly 12:30 Terry Jay 1:00 Kingsbury academy of dance 1.30 Fashion Show 2:00 Emily Hullman 2:30 BJ Bluesman 3:00 Kye Jaymes For more information, call Christine Roche on 699 549 261 or 965 632 835 or email her at info@exhibitions-spain.com. Also, see the website at www.exhibitions-spain.com for regular updates.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Crack Whores and Presidents

Suzanne Manners explains that life as a single parent can be adventurous to say the least AFTER having been abandoned unceremoniously by the father of my one year old son (is there a ceremony for that I wonder? By the order of deadbeat fatherhood I now declare you and your progeny dutifully abandoned...) I begged and borrowed in order to return to the UK from my adopted home in Gibraltar. I had no job, no home and no money and as much as I loved Gibraltar I could not remain. So one suitably miserable, grey day with the Levante cloud obscuring the rock, I left for the airport with my son’s Uncle Christian, my friend Maggie, a travel cot, four suitcases and those 200 cigarettes (smoking is compulsory in Gibraltar!) . The airport staff treated me and my son with kindness (thanks to Uncle Christian whose wife worked there), waiving excess baggage fees and helping me, my sleeping son, a pushchair and the various accoutrements of parenthood, onto the plane. On landing, two and a half hours later, at Gatwick airport, I was greeted by an unsmiling man who unloaded my pushchair then abandoned me to struggle with a child and four suitcases (two of which rode the carousel twice as I battled with the broken strap of the travel cot). It took me an hour to push a trolley and a pushchair from the carousel to customs, until a lovely lady grabbed the trolley, hoisted my rucksack onto her shoulder and steered us through to arrivals where I was met by my sister and her husband.

Criminal It was then that the tears (copious) and my new career as a social pariah began. On entering the UK it seemed that I had become a criminal, more feared than any terrorist or rapist, guilty of a heinous and unforgivable crime... single motherhood... Jesus, Mary and Joseph ...I had no husband and my son had no father. At the age of one my smiling, gentle baby was destined to become a drug dealing, house robbing, old lady mugging, teacher back chatting, low life delinquent who would spend his life in jail for violent criminal behaviour because his mother, who must be a crack whore, vodka swilling teenager, had no husband. Every time I ventured from my flat (private not council) I expected hordes of angry villagers to drag me off and set fire to me. And then it got worse...I had to sign on (pass the smelling salts I think I’m going to faint). I was now classified (by the Daily Mail and the fat bloke in the pub) as a benefit scrounging, scum sucking, layabout, single mother. The dole people were actually very nice and extremely helpful (once they found out I had two degrees and could speak in whole sentences without once saying the F word) but they could not house me and could only give me and my son the barest minimum. For six months we lived in an unfurnished flat (except for the travel cot (how I grew to hate that travel cot), a second hand futon and a radio). Where was the giant, plasma TV, the queues of men, holiday homes in Marbella and the silver Merc? I ask you, where had I gone wrong? There I was a benefit scrounger and not an ounce of gold to my name. It has been ten years since I became a single mother and in that time I have received zero from the father. My son has had minimal contact and no longer asks about him. There have been no birthday cards or Christmas gifts, no phone calls asking about school, and no invites to spend time with him. It has been heartbreaking to watch my son come to terms with the undeniable fact that his father does not wish to see him. I have been very careful not to insult him but I have refused to lie for him. My son knows

how hard I have tried to retain a workable relationship with his father and he no longer asks about him, but I know that deep down it hurts him. Boys need their fathers, especially as they develop, I have a very close relationship with my son but I have no idea how to help him through puberty, I cannot play football, I don’t shave (my face) and can’t pee standing up (unless I’m drunk). I have worked bloody hard to make a home and a life for my son, who is loving and kind and who behaves impeccably at school. I retrained as a teacher in order to provide for him (a difficult year made easier by my mum. Thanks mum) and have only ever taken what we were entitled to. Imagine how angry I and other single mothers feel when we hear the same, tired old clichés about society going to hell in a hand bag (we are talking about women!) because our boys are living in homes without a male (gadzooks!!). We are the parents who stayed, remember. So, here are some statistics to dispel the myth of the crack whore, vodka swilling feckless teenager that we single mothers are supposed to be: 23% of all families are headed by lone parents (8% by fathers), 90% of us are white, 2% (got that, 2%) are teenagers. The average age of a single mother is 36.9 (and that includes those of us who lie about our age) and the majority were either married or widowed. 56.7% of us work full time and 50% of our children live in poverty (now that IS shameful). Only 3/5 of us receive maintenance from the father. The average weekly wage in the UK for a single mother is £404 (I wish!) compared with £618 in a couple family where only the father works (and before you start the argument about how single mothers receive more tax credit so couples have to pretend to split and blah, blah, blah, remember that one parent cannot split herself in half and do two full time jobs, whereas, a couple can, if needs be, both work to improve their financial well being). Single fathers are, on the whole, treated with more compassion and respect, but the job is still a difficult one (just so you don’t feel left out).

Future So what kind of future can the sons of single mothers look forward to? Are they, as the UK politicians would have us believe, prospective delinquent failures? Of course there are social issues involved and of course some children from one parent homes become criminals, but then so do boys living with two parents (and the Nuclear family is still acknowledged to be the most dangerous place in which women and children can live). Whenever I hear nonsense spoken about my son’s future I proudly cite successful men who were themselves the son’s of single mothers; Tom Cruise, John Lennon, Samuel L Jackson, Orlando Bloom, Al Pacino, Lance Armstrong and many more. And finally, to ice the cake, at least five US presidents; Gerald Ford, Herbert Hoover, Andrew Jackson, Barak Obama, and Bill Clinton, were the product of the, sacrifice and love of a single mother. (So put that in your pipe and smoke it Peter Hitchens of the Daily Mail) I’ll leave the last words to US politician Bill Richardson who said: ‘Raising a family is difficult enough. But it’s even more difficult for single parents struggling to make ends meet. They don’t need more obstacles. They need more opportunities.’ Got it? Good. (I’m a woman; of course I’ll have the last word!)

Friday, May 27, 2011

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Scott phoned and wanted to know how to con- ADVICE: Pat was having problems with Skype I have an oldish computer and have nect her laptop to her TV so that she could watch DVD’s been using a yoigo dongle to connect

Hi Richard, I have a laptop that is 6 months old and a TV that is just over a year old and I want to know whether I can connect the two together to watch DVD movies – I don’t have a separate DVD player you see and the screen on the laptop is just too small to fully enjoy the films.

Q A

Hi Scott, yes you almost certainly can, there are two ways in which you can do this (the old way and the new way!), first the “Old VGA Port Way” on your laptop you will see a VGA port (it’s a series of 15 holes in 3 rows and is usually blue), you will have the same on your TV and using these two ports you can get the video from your laptop to your TV, to get the sound from your laptop you will need to look for a headphone socket, plug an audio cable in there and into the same port on the TV (sometimes they have a “jack” plug on the TV side and HMDI sometimes Phono jack they have two “phono” sockets, just get a cable that will suit your situation. The “New Way” pre-supposes that you have HDMI on your TV (almost certainly) and on your laptop (not as certain), is you do then you can buy a HDMI cable and this one cable will take both the video and sound from your laptop over to your TV.

Andrew was having problems with his Internet connection. Dear Richard, I have a problem with my computer, it has been like this for almost a week now and I don’t know what I can do to fix it, I hope you are able to help. Every time I turn the computer on I receive a message saying “404 page cannot be displayed”, I don’t know what to do?

Hi Andrew, the error message that you are seeing is from your web browser, it is telling you that it cannot load the web page that you are asking for. You havent given me enough additional information to help you fully so I am going to assume that you are using a broadband (ADSL) connection. This error can sometimes occur when the router (the box that connects your computer to the Internet) is not working properly. In this case the first thing you should try to do is to turn the router off, leave it a few seconds and then turn it on again. Then you should wait for about 2 minutes before trying your computer again as the router needs some time to boot up and to attempt to connect to the Internet.

to the internet. It all works fine. I have downloaded Skype and am having trouble signing in. When downloading software the following appeared – “We are having problems connecting to the downloader server.” To download an alternative installer for Skype click the download button. I followed instructions and all seemed to download well until I tried to sign in when the following appeared - Cannot focus a disabled or invisible window. I have checked my anti spyware permissions and it should allow Skype so I think the Yoigo internet service is the problem. Any suggestions would be most welcome.

Hi Pat, this isn’t one that I have come across before, I have done some research into the problem and you’re certainly not the first to experience it, however the research doesn’t give a clear answer, for some people it’s the version of Skype that they have and for others it’s an issue relating to a firewall. In your instance, I found nothing to suggest that the problem was related to your service provider Yoigo, however you can confirm this yourself by taking your computer to a cyber café, if you have the same problem there then it’s not Yoigo – of course this is only practical if you have a laptop (you don’t mention?) I would think that your specific problem is related to your firewall, you don’t mention the particular version that you use, however all firewalls have the option to create “rules” to allow applications access to the Internet, in your case, I would first check whether there are any rules created for Skype, if there are not then create them, if there are then delete them and create new ones.

FIXED: Derrick was having problem viewing movies in .mov format Hi Richard, I am unable to play the movie clips that I recorded on my camera. The files download on to my computer’s hard drive OK but will not open. I am using Windows Vista and the Windows Media player, the file types are .MOV. Any suggestions please?

Q A

Hi Derek, thanks for taking the time to email in. The type of files that you are trying to play (.mov files) require Apple QuickTime to play, what you need to do is to go to the following address http://www.apple.com/quicktime/download and download and install QuickTime – you should then find that your movies play fine.

Read Richard’s fantastic computer page only in Jungle Drums Magazine.

OUT NOW office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, May 27, 2011

Green around the grills? Then here’s some hot news...

It’s BARBECUE time!

How to cook the perfect fish for your guests… and to get bladdered doing it By DAVE BULL SO it’s that time of year when we’re scrambling around making last-minute preparations for the beer-fuelled, grilled-meat decathlon that is also known as a barbecue. And as grilling something until it is either crunchy or working its way through the grill to end up in the coals, is the ultimate display of all things a man can do…er… it’s best that your grill should be a reflection of yourself – and excessively manly (see pic). That aside, we get down to the serious business of cooking the superb fish that we’ve featured in our series of articles covering the Med’s most important fishing port - Santa Pola. Whose fleet, you may have noticed, was not allowed to leave the port for the whole of July… to give the fish a month off to do what they do, I guess. Anyway, when we barbecue fish, there is a general (well-founded in my case) fear that they’ll all end up at the bottom of your barbecue as opposed to those wellpresented pictures in any recipe book. What you really want is to have the whole piece still resembling a fish at the end of the process rather than one that could be road kill – if fish could walk…

Simple So how does one get that delicious barbecued fish just right? How do you prevent your fish from sticking to the grill and falling apart? Read on, fellow barbecuers because below we’ve put together a simple recipe and guide to having a great barbecue this summer. You may also want to look your best at your next barby and next month we’ll be running an article on where best to buy that Hawaiian shirt…not. So, back to cooking your fish and the problem of releasing the stubborn sea life once you’ve got it on the grill. Apparently, according to local fish chef Jorge Campillo, the main reason why food sticks to the barbecue grill and/or falls apart is that the grill is not hot enough when the food is placed on it. Jorge explained that in order to cook well we need to get the grill hot enough not only to produce the aromatic sizzling sound but also so it will stay hot during the whole cooking process. Secondly, you need to ensure that your grill is clean and not gunked up with last year’s remnants of a pork chop as that will also make the fish stick, and probably kill you. Keeping a clean grill will reduce the chances of

your fish sticking - and impress the missus. Fish normally do not take long to cook and us fellas (believe it or not, ladies) tend to overcook it occasionally, causing it to dry out and rather than the deliciously juicy flesh we have something akin to a fish scratching. To make sure you don’t overcook your fish, preferably don’t use frozen fish, and when you come to cook it make sure it is at a cool temperature but not cold. Try not to use frozen fish at all if you can help it as fish loses its subtle texture and taste when frozen.

Fish tossing… Tossing your fish is like cooking a good piece of steak. You toss it only once. The tendency is not only to

toss more than once (we men tend to be tossing too much at times) but trying to lift it up to see whether it is cooked. But this can be a recipe for disaster. The best way to avoid this rather uncontrollable tendency is to use a timer and when it goes off, then start tossing… Fresh sardines from Santa Pola are delicious barbecued and cannot be compared to the canned variety. Plus, they do not take long to cook and following the Spanish tradition, there is no need to gut sardines, making this a very easy process. Barbecued sardines go well with white wine. Or beer, cider, cocktails or white lightning – depending on your budget.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Here’s how to cook ‘em SARDINES (amount as needed)

Coarse sea salt Lemon to garnish Shallot and fresh herbs (optional) if making garnish described under "Tips" Salad with spicy dressing for accompaniment White wine for accompaniment Select small sardines. These tend to be tastier than the larger ones. 1. Salt the sardines - ensure that each sardine has a generous covering of salt. 2. Leave sardines under the salt for half an hour. 3. Transfer sardines to the barbecue. 4. Barbecue the sardines. Keep a constant eye on them - they must not burn (much?). 5. Remove the sardines from the barbecue when the silver colour has turned to golden brown (about 2 - 3 minutes). Discard any burned sardines- unless that’s all of them…. 6. Serve (and eat) immediately. Garnish with slices of lemon or shallots and herbs Cooking tip A good rule of thumb for cooking fish is 10 minutes per inch thickness (should be measured by a woman as us blokes have a tendency to exaggerate…) The other trick is to always place the skin side face down first (if the skin is retained and this the recommended way of cooking fish in a barbecue as it helps to hold the flesh together). It also adds the crispy texture to the fish. Every barbecue should have Mojitos, like every birthday party must have jelly so below we’ve given you a quick guide to making your very own Mojitos that can be delicious with or without rum in them, (but more effective with… ) these fizzy Cuban cocktails are made with fresh lime juice, club soda, and mint sprigs and there’s nothing better than to cool off with this fresh mint-flavoured speech-impeder.

MOJITOS

Makes 4 cups; 6 to 8 servings Ingredients 2 cups light rum 1 cup mint syrup 1 cup lime juice Ice cubes Fresh mint leaves, rinsed Preparation You need to be moving your hips around like a Cuban dancer while you do this, so as you sway like Shakira grab a jug (at least 2 litre) and combine rum, the mint syrup, and lime juiceadding about 2 cups of ice cubes - and pour into icefilled glasses and garnish with mint leaves – then sit back, relax and enjoy….cos you won’t remember later.

And how about some truly fresh veg? WHY not add the perfect accompaniment to your barbecue with fresh local veg too. Our inland readers will

know just how fresh that is but also our markets have a plentiful supply of good quality (and fresh) veg that isn’t wrapped in plastic.

For fresh fruits and vegetables, the best places to shop are the markets (see this month’s feature on markets in our region), produce stores, and the locally-grown produce available direct from farms. Not only does it tend to be fresher, it is also retains more nutrients. For example, spinach loses half of its nutrient content eight days after being harvested…just think what Popeye could have done if he didn’t get it from a can...?

Friday, May 27, 2011

GETTING OUT MORE

Courier editor Dave Bull is once again released on the public and gets out and about meeting real people in real businesses who are making their lives on the Costa Blanca

BLUE LAGOON - EL GALAN

ANOTHER visit to somewhere new (for me, I don’t get out much as you’ll know if you’ve read this newspaper before) and I head up past La Fuente, Mercadona and on upwards until I reach El Galan – Blue Lagoon. Looks interesting, let’s go and find out what there is inside for us to explore… The first place I find (and it wasn’t easy, but you’ll find it next to El Limonar school) was formerly known as Anita’s Blue Lagoon Swimming Pool. SPLASH leisure centre is a bar/café with a great outside pool area, tennis court and I found out a little later that they have a new Splash Blue Lagoon Petanca Club and they are looking for eager and fun new members who will be made to feel very welcome by owners Raj and Manisha who took

over in May last year. However, don’t think you’ll necessarily feel obliged to use up some well stored energy using the sports facilities or pool because at Splash you can quite unashamedly spend all day relaxing with sun loungers parasols and the beautiful swimming pool. Bar Snacks are available and private functions are catered for and what better place for Children’s Birthday Pool Parties? Actually us ‘grown up’ should have some parties here too! They’re open all year round, so I’ll be back for a nice relaxing Sunday I think. Ok where next? Intriguing named cafes and bars always attract me so over to THE VAULT CAFE BAR which occupies the prime spot at Centro Commercial El Galan. So I go in and meet up with owners Paul and Cath Dalzell who welcome all visitors to ‘sample the delights of their extensive menu’. A closer look at the menu and I see that they are offering Breakfasts, Lunches, and dinner served from 9am till late plus delicious looking steaks, ribs, burgers and much more – and that was just the aromatic fare going past me to hungry clients!

No time for food at the moment (I’m at work and always professional…trust me…) so a nice drink in this family friendly bar would have to be enough for now. Live entertainment is now at The Vault throughout the week and for sports fans, all live sports including all premiership games/champions league games are shown on multi screens. If you miss a good Sunday lunch (cooked by someone else) theirs is served from noon, and, I’m informed, gets very popular at just 9.95 euros for three courses, with a choice of beef, lamb, pork or chicken – so book up is the tip. As I prepare to leave I spot the Internet terminals/Printer facility/Play Station available for keeping the kids/husband entertained. This is a small world isn’t it? On leaving I bumped into some friends who were enjoying a coffee with an estate agent who was helping them look for a house. Seemed rude not to join them after a kind offer and knowing all about my friend I got

chatting to Darren Gaskin, who has been working as an estate agent in Spain for 14 years and has grown his company, Blue Lagoon Casas, into a well-respected local real estate company. Darren explained why he has been successful over the years to me, ‘Keeping the business overheads low allows Blue Lagoon Casas to pass on savings to customers. This is done by offering properties for sale at the “best price” possible and our company works with sales agents across Europe, including the UK, Ireland, Finland, Sweden and Norway, as well as a number of local Spanish agents. ‘ Blue Lagoon Casas manages the complete property buying and selling process on behalf of its clients and they can also offer mortgage packages through financial expert Andy Fox of Blanca Mortgages based near the new post office in San Miguel.

Darren said: ‘We have a very honest and focused approach to selling resale properties. We are specialists and know our market inside out. Blue Lagoon Casas does not offer rental properties, nor car hire, airport transfers, air con fitting or building work – just competitively priced bargain resale’s.’ Many former clients and now firm friends and Darren attributes this to the high levels of personalised service the customer received, and perceives this as a huge compliment contact Darren on 629 891 685 or email him on, darren@bluelagooncasas.com or even check out their website at: www.bluelagooncasas.com. From one estate agent to another, but that’s not a bad thing and these guys, PEYSU, are a Spanish - German run business which was established in1986. Reading the leaflets available I see that their services incorporate not only real estate acquisition and property selling, but also all additional administrative help and transactions related to this complex process which is always better than trying to do it yourself as we all know. I got chatting to the staff who explained that Peysu’s main objectives are to make your buying experience a seamless process and to take away all the administrative chores, ‘saving your valuable holiday time whilst in Spain’. Being specialists in property resale – they focus on diverse property resale but they are keen to point out that they are careful with partnership deals and work only with a few chosen service providers. That way Peysu can offer interesting new property developments. And some of them are indeed very attractive and different and the staff tell me, if you want to know more, or maybe you need some help to sell your property? The staff at Peysu would be pleased to arrange an

Friday, May 27, 2011 daily and they asked me to point out that breakfast and bar food is served 12 to 3pm. Saturday Karaoke is with Billy Burton and a Sunday traditional roast made with all fresh produce starts at just 5.95€ - not bad eh? They are available for private functions and on 28 may they will be hosting a charity event in conjunction with the Red Hat ladies to support stroke awareness aftercare. Tombola, homemade cards, second hand clothes, books, bags, jewellery face painting and apple bobbing for the children plus lots more – come and support the charity and check out L M D'BRAS while you’re there.

appointment and elaborate on the extent of their services. As I said the last time they let me out of the office – I love shops where you can just get loads of ‘stuff’. Useful stuff like newspapers and Marmite. So I head straight for the supermarket here, SUPER-CONTINENTAL, and here, they stock the lot. Especially for a Brit like me who misses the good things in (British) life such as an English loaf or fruit pastilles – you know the essentials. Here they open every day of the week from 9am - 2pm then 4.30pm to 8pm and you can get everything from top up phone cards English and Spanish to Fresh Bread and Produce. Also amongst the extensive range is fresh meats and frozen foods and even a handy hardware section.

English Brands are available, and plentiful so if it’s a one stop shop you fancy for some good and tasty food or goods, come along here to Super-Continental, I bet they’ve got what you want. Right, so as I continue my well-planned excursion I, as myself where next? Around the corner from the Priory (if you don’t walk up the street you wouldn’t know it’s there) is L M D'BRAS. And believe me it is well worth looking for. Whether its entertainment, fun, good home cooked food or just a decent pint, L M D'BRAS will have something at some time for you. Bingo is every Monday and Friday from 2.30pm and on Wednesday’s its Karaoke with Andy of Partners in Rhyme and a tasty and traditional homemade Indian Curry evening from 6.30pm with a choice of two starters. There are two different curries to choose from and a vegetable dish poppadum’s & chutneys. This lot is then followed by dessert - and it’s all from just 7€. During the week, Monday to Saturday, try their Menu of the day; two courses for only 5€ - and they change the menu

I found myself at the Captains Table, not literally of course but I did half expect a rosy-cheeked sailor with a white beard to come out of the kitchen. That didn’t happen but I did get to meet the new owners, a family, Karen, Kevin and James who have produced a new updated menu and some fun and interesting nights out that won’t break the bank, for example there is Bingo every Wednesday and its eyes down 7pm. And get there early and catch yourself bargains from 5.30pm a Fish and Chips supper is only 5€. Friday’s clients are entertained by Ewan Singer from 8pm and Keeley C will be belting out the tunes on Sat 28th May from 8pm.

Forthcoming events at the Captains Table include Tina Turner Tribute Lorena who will be performing here on 25th June and 27th August and on Friday 29th July it’s time to dig out those drainpipes as Showaddwaddy will be here. Other events include a Fashion show Bling Bling, a Race Night and a Clairvoyant who knows when he’s coming even though he’s not been booked yet…spooky. As I said earlier shop names intrigue me – but you can’t beat the ones that simply say what they are and The

27 Electrical Shop Blue Lagoon fits that bill perfectly. I could leave it there and not say any more but that wouldn’t be doing justice to Debbie and Bill who have been here since March 2010 and are former employees of Real Domestic Appliances Los Dolses. In just one short year the pair have built up an excellent reputation for price, a good range of stock and decent customer service under the Euronics Brand. Anyone looking to renew or stock their new property in Spain should come along and take a look at the wide range of fridges, freezers, TV’s kettles, toasters, hobs and ovens to name a few and if the store does not have a particular item in stock Debbie will be happy to source the item to be in store within a few days. Handy too is a photo machine which prints photos instantly off digital cameras and, Bill told me, they supply TV Sat systems for individual houses and urbanisations as he said, more people are now having their own dishes put up instead of making monthly payments to rebroadcasting company's.

If you don’t want a shock when you’re looking for electrical items pop into The Electrical Shop Blue Lagoon – they tell me their motto is ‘plug into service and price’ and are open and happy to see you, Mon - Sat 10am - 6pm On a final note but worthy of mentioning is Debbie has won the Company Women Award overall winner for 2010/11 and the Customer Focus award for 2010/11.

Friday, May 27, 2011

CAR NUT CLARKSON’S CARS Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has some tasty cars in his collection – here we’ve listed just a few of them. Ford Cortina 1600E Clarkson has been quoted as saying "I love fast Fords" and has owned several over the years. Indeed, his first ever car was a Ford Cortina 1600E, the 88hp sporty saloon one of many classic fast Fords of the late 60s and early 70s.

Volkswagen Scirroco Mark 1 Clarkson initially thought he wanted a Golf GTI. But having 'discovered' the Scirocco he decided that was the VW for him, buying one upon his arrival in London and covering 54,000 happy miles in it in a single year.

Alfa Romeo GTV6 His unexpected love of Alfa Romeos goes back to his 80s GTV6, a car he describes as the worst he's ever owned but the noise from which was "like having your soul licked by angels". Indeed, he argues, you're not a true petrolhead until you have owned at least one Alfa.

BMW 3.0SL The beautiful BMW 3.0 CSL is widely credited as being the first 'M' BMW, its lightweight aluminium bodywork and punchy straight-six motor ensuring it was as fast as it was stylish.

WHAT IS? The International driving licence And do I need one? SOME countries call it an international driving licence while other countries call it an international driving permit (IDP). But both terms basically refer to the very same thing: a document that allows you to drive a car or another type of motor vehicle in another country. When you present an IDP, you usually bring out your driver’s licence from your home country. This document is usually a bit bigger than your passport since it has to be translated into different languages. Where Can I Use an IDP? With your international driving permit you can drive a car in another country without having to undergo further testing. You don’t need to apply for a local drivers licence as long as you have a valid driver’s licence from your home country with your IDP. An IDP is a document sanctioned by the United Nations. What Countries Recognise IDPs? An international driving permit is available in nine different languages. It is recognised in more than 150 countries and can also be used as a means of identification in case you forgot to bring your passport with you on the road. Asian countries like Singapore, Thailand, Philippines, India, and Japan recognise this international driving licence. Countries in the west like Belgium, Britain, Canada, Italy, Ireland, New Zealand, Spain, Romania, USA, and Mexico among many others also recognise IDPs. The countries in the Middle East that recognise IDPs include United Arab

Emirates, Saudi Arabia, Oman, Kuwait, and others. Applying for an International Driving Licence You don’t need to undergo any test in order to secure an IDP. It is fairly easy to obtain and will require a small fee. A significant confusion comes in the question of where you can get one in particular countries. Each country will have different organisations that are authorised to issue this said permit. This is also where scammers try to make way with your money. The key is to locate the organisation that a country’s government has authorised to issue international driving licences. You may want to check an official web site of the country you are visiting in order to get accurate information and avoid getting scammed. The requirements are simple enough: at least age 18, a valid and recognised driver’s licence, passport type photos, and filling out an application form plus the fee. Avoiding Scams Scammers usually approach would be victims either by electronic mail or in person when you’re applying for an international driving permit. They often entice those caught unaware by making claims such as a licence that cannot be suspended, a way to hide your identity, licences that can’t be revoked, and a way to avoid fines, tickets and other penalties. People who are gullible enough fall prey to such scammers lies. However, knowing the facts immediately dispel any of these hoaxes. You can immediately tell tall tales and a scammer right in front of you. This will be further reinforced by the fact that they immediately ask for a fee. Get to know the facts about international driving permits to avoid scams of whatever form. For further details see http://www.theaa.com/getaway/idp/. The IDP is only valid for 12 months.

BMW Z1 A fan of the novelty drop-down doors, Clarkson bought a BMW Z1 having desired a Merc SLK but being put off by the auto-only gearbox. Seems he changed his mind a few years on...

VOLVO 850R Mrs Clarkson clearly had a soft spot for the family Volvo 850 R they owned, she called it the Terminator. The big Volvo was a forerunner of today's high performance estates with 250bhp emanating from its turbocharged five-cylinder engine and a 7.8-second 0-60mph sprint. It was a bit of a handful by all accounts.

OUT ON THE 5th EVERY MONTH

Friday, May 27, 2011

Singing? It’s in Lorna’s genes! WELCOME to another week of great entertainment here on the Costa Blanca! If you’re out and about in the coming weeks, then keep an eye out for Lorna Michelle. Originally from Derby, she’s been a semi-professional solo vocalist in Spain and the UK for the past 12 years. Lorna got the bug for singing and dancing at the age of three when she started tap and ballet dancing. In the late eighties, she entered various talent competitions, always coming in the top three, and developed her singing, drama and dance talents at Stagecoach Stage School in Derby. She was also a cast member in many Rolls Royce Amateur Operatics Society productions, including Gigi, The King and I, Singing in the Rain and Hans Christian Anderson. Lorna went to school with Kelly Young, who always loved her voice and predicted ‘‘One day

you will be famous with a voice like that.’’ Kelly went on to enter the Popstars TV competition where the Hearsay band was formed. She and others who failed to get into Hearsay subsequently joined up to become Liberty X, who have since had many hit singles. After leaving school, Lorna took a Popular Music Course at Broxtowe College in Nottingham, where she sang for the Mayor and also received a BAFTA Outstanding Music Student of the Year Award awarded from Sir George Martin. Lorna comes from a musically-orientated family, so singing is definitely in her genes. It started way back when her grandmother gave up lounge singing to have a family. Her aunt is a prima ballerina, having toured with a top ballet company, and she has three uncles with strong musical ties. One is a blues guitarist, songwriter and composer with his own band in the UK, while another is a for-

mer DJ. The third is a successful keyboard player who has just signed with a Miami record label and writes remixes with Les Hemstock, amongst others, for the likes of Lady Gaga. Lorna used to go to jam nights with her friend James Morrison before he became famous and he always said that her voice was fantastic. So if you don’t want to miss a great night make sure you see Lorna perform on Saturday night at Bar Vitto’s in El Mojon, where Tony and Jan will give you a warm welcome. Keep an eye out on the gig guide as well this summer because Tony and Jan have also just taken over Lodosol Bar in San Pedro. They have some great entertainment planned every Saturday night, starting tomorrow with Steve Finn – a great singer/ guitarist who is here for the summer season. Well, that’s me finished for another week. If you’re a bar or an entertainer and want to appear in the gig guide or have events coming up that you’d like me to tell everyone about, my email is mandy@ starsinbars.org You can also call me on 685302529 or just visit my website at www.starsinbars.org

Mandy

DATE

VENUE

ACT/ EVENT

OTHER INFO

FRIDAY 27th

Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca El Mundo in Benimar Championes in Benimar II Cheers Bar in Eagles Nest Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Mosquito’s Bar in La Florida The Arches in Los Alcazares Los Belgas in Gran Alacant Nicky’s Bar in Los Dolses Country Bowls Bar in Valle de Sol The Club in Quesada Abbey Tavern in La Florida Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Bar Monte in Los Montesinos Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Quesada Country Club Sportsman in Quesada Stray Sod in La Fuente Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Los Belgas in Gran Alacant Manga Norte Restaurant in La Manga Bar Vittos in El Mojon Judges Chambers in Playa Flamenca La Batalla in Roldan Lodosol in San Pedro Los Naciones in Quesada Fibber Magees in Campoverde Pablo’s International bar in La Florida Murphy’s on the Park in Torrevieja Snug Bar in Torre de la Horredada Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Bar Liquid in Cabo Roig Casa Ventura in San Luis Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Billy’s Bar in El Chaparral

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Stars & Stripes Mark Bailey as Michael Buble Debbie Slater Nick Barker Cabaroke with Bono Fun Race Night Cliff Richard Tribute Terry Jay Lenny Mitchell Red Strokes Sunflower Valley Bingo with Deano Kye Jaymes

Starting at 10pm Elvis & Tina Turner Tribute

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Saviours of soul Lynden B Sunflower Valley The Truth Buddy Holly Tribute Lenny Mitchell Lorna Michelle Terry Jay Mark Bailey as Michael Buble Steve Finn Ern E King Kye Jaymes Cabaroke with Davy Jones Shirelle Lynden B’s Elvis Show Cabaroke with Matt Christian Cabaroke with Bono Fun Music Quiz with Lynden B Stevie Spit Karaoke with Dodgy Diva

Starting at 10pm

Pirate Bar in Playa Flamenca

Nick Barker

Inn at the green in Entre Naranjos Cheers Bar in Eagles Nest Bar Rosa in Los Montesinos Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Marina Sol in Cabo Roig

Kens Quiz Nikki G Quiz night with Darren James Cut loose Terry Jay

WEDNESDAY 1st

Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Montes Bar in Los Montesinos Abbey Tavern in La Florida Restaurant La Boca in Playa Los Locos Cheers bar In Eagles Nest Billy’s Bar in El Chaparral Paddy’s Point in La Zenia

THURSDAY 26th

Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Berny D’arcys in La Fuente Stray Sod in La Fuente O’Neills in San Miguel The Priory in El Galan

Crazy Bingo with Spike Fun Music Quiz Celena Deans B.J Bluesman Quiz Night Chilli-oke with Peter Jay Sunflower Valley Fun Music Quiz with Lynden B Cutloose Celena Deans Sunflower Valley Lenny Mitchell

SATURDAY 28th

SUNDAY 29th

MONDAY 30th TUESDAY 31st

Starting at 10pm

Starting at 10pm Starting at 7pm

Comedy Show Starting at 10pm Starting at 10pm

Starting at 10pm Starting at 4.30pm

Starting at 8pm

Starting at 5pm Comedy Drag Show Starting at 5pm & BBQ Starting at 9.30pm Starting at 9pm

Starting at 10pm Starting at 6pm Starting at 4pm Starting at 9pm Starting at 9.30pm

Starting at 10.30pm

Starting at 10pm Starting at 9.30pm

Friday, May 27, 2011

HOT GOSSIP WITH the 50th anniversary of their debut gig fast approaching, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has hinted that the band may well be planning some special gigs to mark the occasion. The veteran guitarist was cryptic in his assessment of what fans can expect from the rock'n'roll band. "Something's blowing in the wind," he said. "The idea's there. We kind of know we should do it, but nobody's put their finger on the moment yet. This is what we have to ask each other: Do we want to go out in a blaze of glory? We can, if Mick Jagger and Charlie Watts feel like I do, that we can still turn people on. We don't have to prove nothing anymore. I just love playing, and I miss the crowd." Richards also claimed to have patched

The Rolling Stones gigging again for their 50th anniversary?

up his differences with Sir Mick following the guitarist's less-than-flattrering description of the frontman's personality in his best-selling autobiography, 'Life'. Richards told him, 'It's water under the bridge. I want to talk about the future. We're larger than a little bitching here and there. It's only rock 'n' roll.' I love working with Mick. Maybe that friction that makes it work, that bit of sand in the oyster that makes the pearl." Fans of the band will be delighted to hear that a re-issue of 1978's 'Some Girls' similar to 2010's 'Exile On Main Street' set is in the works. Containing hits such as 'Miss You' and 'Beast Of Burden', the album is widely acknowledged to be The Rolling Stones' last true masterpiece.

TKO NEWS TKO will be at the This Is Spain Exhibition on May 26, 27 and 28. Join TKO on Sunday June 5 with Maria and the Pink Ladies for a

five-kilometre charity walk and fun day in aid of Breast Cancer Awareness in association with the Ayuntamiento Orihuela Costa.

All proceeds go to the AECC. It all starts at 10.30 with lots of entertainment from local bands and artist and TKO DJs.

TKO Gold Featured Artist LADY ANTEBELLUM

WIN A MEAL FOR TWO AND WINE AT QUESADA FISH & CHIPS POP QUIZ May 27 1. Which independent label signed Madness, Ian Dury and Elvis Costello? 2. Which group sang about “Common People” In 1995? 3. Name the group which featured Annie Lennox on vocals in the ‘80s and ‘90s. 4. Which British band released their album “Disraeli Gears” in 1967? 5. Which band did the late Michael Hutchence front? 6. Which group had a hit with “Prince Charming”? 7. Who recorded “Three Lions” with Baddiel and Skinner? 8. Which duo consisted of Marcella Detroit & Siobhan Fahey?

YOU’LLl have heard their new single, Just A Kiss, played in every show on TKO Gold, this week. It was chosen as the Future Gold Track and really is a beautiful song, worthy of its status. So who are Lady Antebellum? They are a country music trio formed in Nashville, Tennessee in 2006 and is composed of Charles Kelley (lead and background vocals), Dave Haywood (background vocals, guitar, piano, mandolin) and Hillary Scott (lead and background vocals). There is a pedigree with the band as Scott is the daughter of country music singer Linda Davis and Charles Kelley is the brother of pop and country artist Josh Kelley. Since Lady Antebellum won the Country Music Association Awards New Artist of the Year award in 2008, they have accumulated seven more awards, including their first Grammy in 2010 for Best Country Performance by Duo or Group with Vocals. At the 2009 CMA's, the group ended FIND THE KEY WORD AND TO TAKE PART LISTEN TO Rascal Flatts' six-year reign as Vocal Group of the CHRIS ASHLEY'S SHOW ON TKO GOLD, SATURDAY Year. At the 2010 CMA's, the group became the MORNINGS, 9am to 12 noon first artist in CMA Award history to receive the Single of the Year honor for two consecutive years. The new single is out now and is taken from CHRIS WILL ASK YOU TO TEXT OR EMAIL THE KEY their, as yet un named album, due for release later WORD AND THIS WEEK’S WINNING ANSWER WILL BE thus year. ANNOUNCED.

Friday, May 27, 2011

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week's puzzle, 3 represents Y and 26 represents H, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Sole (4) 3 Drays (5) 6 Tuffs (5) 8 Heads (5) 10 Presenters (10) 12 Salerno Bay (10) 16 Thing (5) 17 Setts (5) 18 Rings (5) 19 Tsar (4)

Down 1 Salt (4) 2 Cause (5) 4 Satanists (9) 5 Nadir (5) 7 Rotten fog (9) 9 Teas (4) 11 Rang (4) 13 Range (5) 14 Roles (5) 15 Sues (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Confusion, 8 Maintenance, 9 Trial, 10 Yacht, 12 Owner, 14 Route, 15 Approximate, 17 Messenger. Down: 2 Opinion, 3 Fatal, 4 Sunny, 5 Own, 6 Emotional, 7 Gentlemen, 11 Courage, 13 Rooms, 14 Reign, 16 Pie.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 7 I curse badly organised ocean trip (6) 8 Craven genocide involves pay back (6) 9 To yield, and be generous (4) 10 Plant manufacturing metal (sic) (8) 11 Deafest cook dined well (7) 13 Renew perhaps, for something fresher (5) 15 Princess with cross extension (5) 17 Nervous about Tory leader being bland (7) 20 No longer drinking, but parched (5,3) 21 Lunatic came back and shot, in the dark! (4) 22 Because of having put a buzzer outside previously (6) 23 Erotic exchange, recipe for kiss - outlandish! (6)

Down 1 Like bears and lemurs in every part (6) 2 Record life changes (4) 3 Cheater somehow became a class leader (7) 4 Put money on dowager’s secret (5) 5 Warning of danger from worried leader with disheartened recruit (3,5) 6 Some foreign items set on fire (6) 12 Leeks cooked with a mass of bones (8) 14 Makes trellis to cage bird (7) 16 Annoyed that Ed has finished off the informer (6) 18 Spies trail a state tree (6) 19 Tiny openings discovered in Singapore Strait (5) 21 Weather from south at the present time! (4)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Bear-like (6) 2 Folder (4) 3 Educator (7) 4 Bet (5) 5 Danger warning (3,5) 6 Catch fire (6) 12 Carcass (8) 14 Type of falcon (7) 16 Peeved (6) 18 Spiny tree or shrub (6) 19 Apertures (5) 21 Winter precipitation (4)

Across 7 Sea voyage (6) 8 Retaliate (6) 9 Provide (4) 10 Climbing plant (8) 11 Banqueted (7) 13 More novel (5) 15 Take possession of (5) 17 Unbiased (7) 20 Dehydrated (5,3) 21 Wound (4) 22 Previous to (6) 23 From abroad (6)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Sleek, 4 Manage, 9 Revenue, 10 Pasta, 11 Mesh, 12 Verbose, 13 Hue, 14 Able, 16 Node, 18 Act, 20 Portion, 21 Ache, 24 Extra, 25 Rawhide, 26 Scared, 27 Giant. Down: 1 Shrimp, 2 Eaves, 3 Kind, 5 Apparent, 6 Abscond, 7 Elated, 8 Delve, 13 Heritage, 15 Biretta, 17 Upsets, 18 Angry, 19 Deceit, 22 China, 23 Swag.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words 3 letter words 5 letter words Abyss Are Am Aster Bot At Ate up Cup Be Begin Cur Do Corny Gut If Curio Dater Ion In Discs Lot It Empty Orb No Haunt Par OK Loose Rob On Manse Maths Sea Up Pipes Yip Us

Poker Pylon Radar Rails Robot Sauna Scrub Seine Serfs Sloop Snail Sonar Spent Stray

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Efectivo (dinero) (4) 3 Bautismos (8) 9 Rescue (7) 10 Verde (5) 11 Flojo (nudo, tuerca) (5) 12 Time (6) 14 Aceptar (oferta, propuesta, dimisión) (6) 16 Wood (timber) (6) 19 March (as soldiers) (6) 21 People (5) 24 Sheep (5) 25 Lentil (7) 26 Disaster (8) 27 Vender (4)

Down 1 Matches (for lighting) (8) 2 Fright (sudden fear) (5) 4 Oil (6) 5 Tiger (5) 6 Always (7) 7 Arena (4) 8 Despertar (del sueño) (4,2) 13 Béisbol (8) 15 Capillas (7) 17 Some (6) 18 To dance (6) 20 Garras (de animal) (5) 22 Sobrina (5) 23 Bueno (4)

Friday, May 27, 2011 Across 7 What name is given to the movable indicator on a computer screen identifying the point that will be affected by input from the user? (6) 8 On which make of motorcycle did Kenny Roberts win the World 500cc Championship in 1978, 1979 and 1980? (6) 10 In Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, what is the name of the queen of the fairies? (7) 11 Which city is the capital of Bulgaria? (5) 12 Constructed by Ferdinand de Lesseps, which shipping canal connects the Mediterranean at Port Said with the Red Sea? (4) 13 Which sweet, dark brown, oval fruits containing a hard stone, are usually eaten dried? (5) 17 What name is given to a musical composition for nine voices or instruments? (5) 18 Which prestigious US university is located in New Haven, Connecticut? (4) 22 What name is given to an apparatus for distilling alcoholic drinks such as whisky? (5) 23 How is a person who betrays someone or something, such as a friend, cause, or principle, normally known? (7) 24 Which large, round juicy citrus fruit has a tough bright reddish-yellow rind? (6) 25 The Red Cross, the United Nations and the World Health Organisation all have their headquarters in which Swiss city? (6)

Quiz Word

Down 1 By what other, more common, name is the illegal amphetamine-based synthetic drug methylenedioxymethamphetamine usually known? (7) 2 Which foodstuff consists of a piece of fruit, vegetable or

SUDOKU

meat that is coated in batter and deep-fried? (7) 3 Which word can mean ‘a point at which parts of an artificial structure are joined’ or ‘the slang term for a cannabis cigarette’? (5) 4 Which European grassland plants have flowers with a yellow disc and white rays? (7) 5 Which organisation runs canteens and shops for British service personnel? (5) 6 What name was given to a governor in India during the Mogul empire? (5) 9 Giovanni Antonio Canale was the real name of which Venetian painter? (9) 14 Neanderthal Man was which pop group’s only British hit single? (7) 15 Which Apostle was a taxgatherer from Capernaum in Galilee, and the traditional author of the first Gospel? (7) 16 What name is given to information received from other people that one cannot adequately substantiate? (7) 19 On which Berkshire racecourse is the Gold Cup run? (5) 20 Which large, long-necked Indian lute with movable frets, is played with a wire pick? (5) 21 What was the first name of the female half of the pop group The Carpenters? (5)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Tiendas –Shops

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

1. In Hamlet who is Ophelia's father? 2. Who was John Dawkins better known as? 3. Whose last unfinished novel was 'The Last Tycoon'? 4. What is Sarah Josepha Hall famous for writing? 5. Who wrote the 'Beau Geste'? 6. Which eponymous character was the Thane of Cawder Glaimes? 7. Who wrote the children's classic 'Ann of Green Gables'? 8. Which literary prize started in 1968? 9. Who was the Roman goddess of peace? 10. Thomas Keneally wrote which book that became an Oscar winning film? 11. Who wrote 'Northanger Abbey'? 12. What play contains the line; 'Shall there be no more cakes and ale'? 13. Colleen McCullough wrote which best selling book? 14. The 'Weir of Hermiston' was whose last, unfinished novel? 1. Polonius 2. Artful Dodger 3. F Scott Fitzgerald 4. Mary had a little lamb 5. P.C. Wren 6. Macbeth 7. L. M. Montgomery 8. Booker McConnell 9. Pax 10. Schindler's Ark 11. Jayne Austin 12. Twelfth Night 13. The Thorn Birds 14. Robert Louis Stevenson

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across:7 Raptor, 8 Bamako, 10 Chimera, 11 Spurs, 12 Laos, 13 Faces, 17 Ypres, 18 Dada, 22 Court, 23 Tornado, 24 Ribble, 25 Juliet. Down: 1 Dracula, 2 Epsilon, 3 Bower, 4 Bass Sea, 5 Tagus, 6 Holst, 9 Canaletto, 14 Spatula, 15 Gazania, 16 Gavotte, 19 Ochre, 20 Dumbo, 21 Freud.

15.PAPELERIA 16.PASTELERIA

store, i.fruit shop,j.butchers,

3.CAFETERIA 4.CARNICERIA

17.PERFUMERIA

k.cake shop, l.chemist, m.news

5.ESTANCO 6.FARMACIA

18.SUPERMERCADO

stand, n.jewellers, o.florist,

7.FLORISTERIA 8.FRUTERIA

19.ZAPATERIA

p.bookshop, q.ice cream parlour,

9.GASOLINERA 10.HELADERIA

a. shoe shop, b.cafe, c.bakers,

r.petrol station, s.stationers.

11.HOSPITAL 2.JOYERIA

d.hospital, e.supermarket, f.per-

13.LIBRERIA 14.PANADERIA

fume shop, g.library, h.hardware

C A I R E T U R F A F S Z A B

P A S T E L E R I A U L L R Y

CCA L A T I P S UA A CX I E P D R WF T E R R A K A NOE F T CE A DGI UT ROL Y F MMC E E OI I Y E F ME C R C L RJ RP I RA I N QE K R S MI Z A P X B T RF B A E HE L A DE RI A V S F A I RE L E UHF L ORI S T E NI L OS A GF L I B RE RI A J Soduko

OHA T E I J OR A RE A CT OMA WJ P B WA A I Z QT B Y B S P A P E RI E QV UJ T

Span - Eng

P A N A D E R I A T P E A N E

Answers: 1g, 2h, 3b, 4j, 5m, 6l, 7o, 8i, 9r, 10q, 11d, 12n, 13p, 14c, 15s, 16k, 17f, 18e, 19a.

literature QUIZ

1.BIBLIOTECA 2.BRICOLAJE

BIBLIOTECA

HOSPITAL

BRICOLAJE

JOYERIA

CAFETERIA

LIBRERIA

CARNICERIA

PANADERIA

ESTANCO

PAPELERIA

FARMACIA

PASTELERIA

FLORISTERIA

PERFUMERIA

FRUTERIA

SUPERMERCADO

GASOLINERA

ZAPATERIA

HELADERIA Quizword

Fill It In

Friday, May 27, 2011

Horoscopes HE LEFT HIS PARTNER OF 14 YEARS WITH TWO YOUNG KIDS Dear Tia Maria I have been seeing a guy now for three-and-a-half years, he is in a relationship, with two young children. When we first got together I knew about this, and accepted that fac. That was three years ago, we are very close. Before he had financial problems I would see him three or four times a week, but he lives 40 miles from me, so the petrol prices and financial matters at home took hold, and he couldn’t get over to see me as much. Sometimes it would be six weeks or so before I saw him. We chatted online every night, or emailed each other at work or he would ring me. So very close, and I love him a lot. Two weeks ago, he called me on a Sunday night and said that he had left her (things had been on the verge of this for a few months), He had nowhere to go, so like a good friend I invited him to stay with me for the night and although he ummd and arrrd, he did eventu-

ally come over and stay with me the night. He left for home the next day, looking for somewhere to live as he had left his family home…. I texted him later that day, but got no reply, in fact I got no reply all week to any of my texts. I was heartbroken, I couldn’t understand why he was not answering me. I sent him four texts on Sunday, a week after he had left her, and got no answer. Then Monday I got a text back, saying he had turned his phone off for some isolation, to sort his head out.. He had not gone back to her, he was at his brother’s. I texted him back saying I would take a back seat for now, let him get sorted, and told him he knows where I am if he needs me. That was a week ago. He has not contacted me again, as you can imagine. In three years I have never gone this long without speaking to him,. It’s killing me. I keep wanting to text him again to see how he is, but if he doesn’t answer me I will be even more depressed… Is this normal for a man to just not talk to the person he has

been speaking to for three years. I guess it’s a huge thing to walk out of a 14-year relationship and leave your young kids too…. but should he at least let me know what’s going on? Should I text him? Should I just wait till he contacts me? Will he contact me? Your advice would be much appreciated…. do you think I should try and forget him:? It’s so hard. Andrea. La Marina Dear Andrea, If he was involved with another woman AND had two kids with her when he met you, and he never bothered ending the first relationship before he started one with you, then, yes, you were BOTH in the wrong. Even if you knew about the other woman, you helped him cheat on her. How would YOU have felt being in her shoes? The fact you’ve been with him three years only makes it worse rather than better. He’s obviously not been truthful with you and is playing you both if he’s just ignoring you. No, it’s not normal to ignore someone after three years together. You may feel my words are harsh but honestly, I think you need to sit and think about why your self-confidence is so low that you would bother to get involved with someone else’s partner? Don’t you think you deserve better? Like someone who’s available and who hasn’t walked out on two kids without telling them? If you want the truth - hard as it is - and it’s better than living a lie, it’s time for you to forget him and move on. Good luck, Tia Maria

I REALLY WANTED TO STAY A VIRGIN Hi Tia Maria, My girlfriend (who I eventually plan to marry) had been having sex frequently (oral and intercourse) since the age of 18 with her ex. She has even told me of the ways, times and how they used to make love and play with each other. I wanted my first time to be with the special person. I held off all temptations until I met her. But now that I know of her past sex life, I feel as though my sacrifice is worthless. This is really bothering me. And the fact that I haven’t experienced with other people compounds the agony. I sometimes get turned off when we have sex since thoughts of her previous experiences creeps in and I feel disgusted with her. Recently, I’ve been getting these thoughts even when we are not having sex. I have even gone to the extent of cheating on her, but I wound not forgive myself if I did. I am not someone who would cheat on her. We are also very open and truthful, but I think I will be really hurt her when I talk about this. We currently have a healthy relationship, which might be hurt due to such disturbing thoughts. Your thoughts on how to approach and overcome this situation will be of immense help. Your advice is much appreciated. Thank you. Anne (by email)l. Dear Anne, I feel so sorry for you about this situation. I know how it feels to have horrid thoughts about your partner doing something sexual with their ex. The only true advice I can give is sadly not an immediate fix. The fact is that although you have no sexual past most people do, male or female. You decided she was the one who you wanted to lose your virginity to and she should be so complimented. The truth is love is not just about sex. When you have the thoughts of her and her ex together, realise she is in your arms and kissing your lips and she wanted you! You are her special someone and her past should make no difference in your future or your passed. Tell her about your fears and insecurities if you feel that it will help you. Just be proud that you, unlike most, kept your virginity for someone who you truly thought was the right one. Your instincts are worth listening to.I hope it all works out for you. Tia Maria

By Pandora Aries March 21 - April 19 "Rankle" is a beautiful word, but may blow your world apart today. The SQL Database you are trying to access is flummoxed. Are you sure you want to know your future?

Taurus April 20 - May 20 The re-animation of dead tissue may become an issue for you later this month. Your lack of self-control "down there" may mean you're limited to small forays to the bathroom today.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 If you never liked sprouts before, try them again. Your tastes may have changed. Seek comfort in clothing today.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 The loony-left is a phrase that you quite like. The accuracy of any horoscope today will be directly related to the number of things you do today. A skydiving accident may befall you if you go skydiving.

Leo July 23 - August 22 People will today begin to question your penchant for lime-green clothing. Especially hats. You dig? The legend of the baked bean may trouble you today as last night's meal tries to catch up with last week's.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 The day is as long as the night. With every passing moment you are pissing away your life reading nonsense on websites. In many ways you should really go now, but instead you're fascination by this crazy online world of surreal shenanigans

Libra September 23 - October 22 Go with that animal instinct. You're Tony the tiger?and you're GRRRRREEEAT "Have a good day!" is not something you'll want to hear from anyone as you suffer from a bottom related illness.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Always make time to shop for car insurance. It will make your day more fulfilling. The perceived wisdom of freaks will today begin to all-of-a-sudden make a great deal of sense.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Check your email daily. Because you never know what may arrive. Your neighbour's taste for loud music may cause them to incur an unfortunate accident.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 All the colours in the rainbow will come out to play on other people's faces today. You may be diagnosed with flu at some point this week. The loony-left is a phrase that you quite like.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Spreading lies about colleagues or friends may see dwindling relationships with those around you. And, yes, of course I know that's obvious - but you're the one who's going to do it! You'll keep on fighting till the end.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 The sounds of fairies in your head are brought on by the alcohol. It may be time to stop drinking this week. Go with the flow and let people take advantage of you.

Friday, May 27, 2011

WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ON THE TELLY..? The Mentalist

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (Film, 2006)

Friday, May 27, 10:00pm to 11:00pm Channel 5 Rhapsody in Red. Series 3, episode 22 US drama series following the work of CBI consultant Patrick Jane. An entire orchestra comes under suspicion when a violinist is shot dead, and Cho encounters a young pickpocket.

Sunday, May 29, 10:00pm to 12:20pm BBC 1 Fantasy adventure with Captain Jack Sparrow back on the high seas, this time on the run from Davy Jones who wants to make him a member of his slimy and eternally damned crew. Landlubber lovers Will and Elizabeth set out to save his soul.

Dad's Army

EastEnders

My British Buddy. Series 6, episode 2 Classic wartime sitcom. As the first contingent of American soldiers arrives in Walmington-on-Sea, Captain Mainwaring and his troops prepare to welcome them

Monday, May 30, 9:00pm to 9:30pm BBC 1 As Zainab and Masood's marriage begins to implode, Tamwar is forced to beg Syed to help reunite their warring parents. A guilt-ridden Mercy calls a halt to her wedding - but can Fat Boy's shock admission convince her to tie the knot? Meanwhile Phil receives some bad news from Yusef and Dot struggles to cope without Jim.

Friday 27th May 00:35 This Week 01:25 Fifa: Football's Shame? Panorama 01:55 Countryfile 02:55 Britain's Next Big Thing 03:55 DIY SOS: The Big Build 04:55 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Bargain Hunt 13:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Copycats 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Remote Control Star 17:30 Fee Fi Fo Yum 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 A Question of Sport 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Outnumbered 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show BBC2 00:20 01:20 02:20 03:20 03:30 04:00 04:30 04:55 07:00

Golf: The PGA Championship French Open Tennis The Culture Show BBC News The Record BBC News Our World Close Wibbly Pig

07:10 Penelope 07:15 Toddworld 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Wild Tales 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:45 Pinky and Perky 09:00 Basil and Barney's Game Show 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Big & Small 10:40 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Timmy Time 11:25 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The Racket 14:00 Diagnosis Murder 14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Animal 24:7 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Windfarm Wars 21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2011 22:30 Paul Merton's Birth of Hollywood 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Amanda Holden's Fantasy Lives 01:30 The Zone 03:30 Too Old to Be a Mum?: Tonight 03:55 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Britain's Best Dish: The Final 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Baboons with Bill Bailey 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Paul O'Grady Live 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 An Audience with Neil Diamond

GREAT BRITISH MENU The two remaining chefs from London and the South East prepare their entire menus for judges Prue Leith, Matthew Fort and Oliver Peyton. Only one of them will make it through to the national finals and get the chance to cook at this year's People's Banquet.

00:10 The Secret Millionaire 01:10 The Film Show 01:45 The Great Escape Festival 02:15 The Album Chart Show Spotlight: Lady Gaga Special 02:30 4Play: Kitty, Daisy and Lewis 02:40 JD Set Presents 02:50 The Model Agency 03:45 Emily's Song 04:00 Unreported World 04:30 Dispatches 05:25 Wild Thing I Love You 06:20 Countdown 07:05 Sali Mali 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 Frasier 09:55 Friends 10:25 Accidentally on Purpose 10:55 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Paralympic World Cup 14:05 River Cottage Bites 14:20 The Frogmen 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Celebrity Five Go To 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 A Place in the Sun 22:00 The Million Pound Drop Live 23:25 That Peter Kay Thing 23:55 PhoneShop

00:05 Banged Up Abroad 01:05 SuperCasino 05:00 Meals in Moments 05:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 Rough Guide to Activity Holidays 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Rupert Bear 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Olivia 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 Stansted: The Inside Story 13:00 The Family Recipe 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:10 Killer Flood 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 19:55 5 News at 7 20:00 Cricket 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Law & Order 23:55 CSI: Miami

Saturday 28th May 00:20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:30 The Rainmaker 02:35 The One Show 03:40 Monty Don's Italian Gardens 04:40 The Hairy Bikers: Mums Know Best 05:40 Five Minutes With 06:00 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Great British Menu 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:10 Formula 1: The Monaco Grand Prix - Qualifying 15:30 Golf: The PGA Championship 17:50 Don't Scare the Hare 18:25 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:45 So You Think You Can Dance Live 19:45 Doctor Who 20:30 So You Think You Can Dance 21:00 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins 21:50 Casualty 22:40 John Bishop's Britain 23:10 BBC News; Weather 23:25 Face/Off BBC2 00:00 00:50 01:20 02:25 03:25 04:55 07:00 07:10 07:15 07:30 07:45

The Book Review Show Golf: The PGA Championship Later with Jools Holland French Open Tennis The Haunted House of Horror Close Wibbly Pig Penelope Toddworld Tinga Tinga Tales Octonauts

08:00 Space Hoppers 08:30 Arthur 08:55 Shaun the Sheep 09:00 Little Howard's Big Question 09:25 Prank Patrol Down Under 09:50 Sam & Mark's Guide to Dodging Disaster 10:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 10:30 Deadly 60 11:00 Relic: Guardians of the Museum 11:30 League of Super Evil 11:40 Wolverine and the X-Men 12:00 Mortified 12:25 OOglies 12:40 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 Bell, Book and Candle 14:40 The Cheyenne Social Club 16:20 Two Greedy Italians 17:20 Escape to the Country 17:50 Golf: The PGA Championship 19:00 Flog It! 20:00 Dad's Army 20:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2011 21:00 Terry and June 21:30 The Many Faces of June Whitfield 22:30 Absolutely Fabulous 23:00 Have I Got a Bit More News for You 23:45 QI XL

00:35 The Cube 01:30 The Zone 03:30 The Hitcher 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 House Gift 10:25 Coronation Street 12:45 This Morning: Saturday 13:45 ITV News and Weather 13:54 Meridian Weather 13:55 You've Been Framed! 14:25 Carry On Cowboy 16:10 For Your Eyes Only 18:30 Meridian News and Weather 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 New Animals Do the Funniest Things 20:00 Live UEFA Champions League Final 23:25 ITV News and Weather 23:39 Meridian Weather 23:40 UEFA Champions League Highlights

TITANIC There are two love stories here: one is between James Cameron and a ship; the other is between society girl Kate Winslet and third-class passenger Leonardo DiCaprio. Cameron's script wouldn't have sustained Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh for 80 minutes, but, somehow, he and his magical cast revive that old-style studio gloss for three riveting hours.

00:30 The Ricky Gervais Show 01:00 Jessie J Live in London 01:35 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:50 The Album Chart Show Spotlight: Lady Gaga Special 02:05 4Play: The Pierces 02:20 Much Ado About a Minor Ting 02:50 Dish 03:00 Daddy 03:05 My Name Is Earl 03:55 The Dead Zone 04:35 Hill Street Blues 05:25 Wild Thing I Love You 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Film Show 08:00 British GT Championship 08:25 The Grid 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Friends 10:25 Koko Pop 11:00 The Hangover Part II: T4 Movie Special 11:30 Glee 12:30 Friends 13:00 Paralympic World Cup 15:00 Channel 4 Racing 16:55 Come Dine with Me Extra Portions 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:20 4thought.tv 19:25 Titanic 23:00 The Million Pound Drop Live

00:50 Rough Guide to Adventures 01:10 SuperCasino 05:05 Motorsport Mundial 05:30 Nick's Quest 05:55 Rough Guide to Short Breaks 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:35 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 07:50 Elmo's World 08:05 Chiro 08:15 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08:25 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 Hana's Helpline 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 11:00 Chinese Food in Minutes 11:05 The Gadget Show 12:05 Extreme Fishing with Robson Green - At the Ends of the Earth 13:05 The Hotel Inspector 14:05 The Staircase Murders 15:50 Last of the Dogmen 18:05 Two Mules for Sister Sara 20:00 Cricket 20:55 5 News Weekend 21:00 NCIS 22:00 CSI: Miami 23:00 CSI: NY

Sunday 29th May 04:30 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 01:35 Steal 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Cannes 2011 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Click 06:00 BBC News 06:30 The Record Europe 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Country Tracks 13:00 BBC News 13:05 Formula 1: The Monaco Grand Prix Live 16:20 EastEnders 18:15 Points of View 18:30 Songs of Praise 19:05 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2011 19:35 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest BBC2 00:30 Grumpy Old Holidays 01:00 French Open Tennis 02:00 Later with Jools Holland 03:05 Under the Mud

07:10 Penelope

00:40 Premiership Rugby Union 01:40 The Zone 03:45 In Plain Sight 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 04:30 ITV Nightscreen 07:45 Octonauts 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:00 Space Hoppers 08:25 CITV 08:30 Bear Behaving Badly 09:25 May the Best House Win 08:55 Shaun the Sheep 10:25 Dickinson's Real Deal 11:25 60 Minute Makeover 09:00 Gimme a Break 12:30 This Morning: Sunday 09:30 Me and My Monsters 13:30 Dinner Date 10:00 Friday Download 14:30 ITV News and Weather 11:00 Something for the Weekend 14:39 Meridian Weather 14:40 Honey 12:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 New Animals Do the Funniest 13:30 The Long Ships Things 15:30 Golf: The PGA Championship 17:30 Midsomer Murders 19:30 Meridian News and Weather 19:10 Richard Hammond's 19:45 ITV News and Weather Engineering Connections 20:00 Coronation Street 20:00 Top Gear 20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Scott & Bailey 21:00 Britain's Secret Seas 23:00 ITV News at Ten and 22:00 Louis Theroux: Miami Mega Weather Jail 23:14 Meridian Weather 23:00 Queen: Days of Our Lives 23:15 The Classic Brit Awards 2011 07:15 Toddworld

SCOTT & BAILEY New series. Crime drama following the personal and professional lives of two detectives working for a Manchester police unit that specialises in murder cases. DC Janet Scott (Lesley Sharp) and DC Rachel Bailey (Suranne Jones) investigate the case of a pregnant woman who was killed in her bedroom.

00:20 Dylan Moran: Aim Low 01:25 In America 03:10 Mother of Many 03:15 Slow Joe 03:25 A Family Portrait 03:30 The Tannery 03:35 Paraphernalia 03:50 The Dead Zone 04:35 Hill Street Blues 05:30 Wild Thing I Love You 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 That Paralympic Show 08:30 Freesports on 4 09:00 Friends 10:00 Hollyoaks 12:30 Being N-Dubz: The A-Z Guide 13:05 Glee 14:05 The Simpsons 15:10 Jamie's 30 Minute Meals 16:45 Deal or No Deal 17:45 Channel 4 News 17:55 4thought.tv 18:00 Home Alone 20:00 Come Dine with Me 21:00 The Hotel 22:00 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

00:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 00:55 Rough Guide to Short Breaks 01:10 SCXTRA 01:40 SuperCasino 04:55 Rough Guide to Islands 05:10 Great Scientists 05:35 HouseBusters 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:35 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 07:50 Elmo's World 08:05 Chiro 08:15 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08:25 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 Hana's Helpline 08:50 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:50 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:00 Little Princess 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 11:00 Animal Rescue Squad 11:20 McFly on the Wall 11:50 Family Food Fight 12:20 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 13:20 Three to Tango 15:10 Contact 17:55 Mission to Mars 19:55 5 News Weekend 20:00 Cricket 20:55 5 News Weekend 21:00 Pirates of the Caribbean: The True Story 22:00 Most Shocking Talent Show Moments

Monday 30th May 00:20 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 00:45 The Football League Show 01:40 The Apprentice 02:40 Holby City 03:40 A History of Ancient Britain 04:40 The Record Europe 05:00 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 Fake Britain 10:45 Homes Under the Hammer 11:45 Real Rescues 12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:00 Bargain Hunt 13:45 BBC News; Weather 14:05 Regional News and Weather 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:15 The Cat in the Hat 16:30 Wallace & Gromit: A Close Shave 17:00 Pixar: 25 Magic Moments 18:00 WALL-E 19:30 BBC News 19:45 Regional News Programmes 19:45 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Saints and Scroungers 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Egypt's Lost Cities 23:00 BBC News 23:05 Regional News and Weather 23:15 A Question of Sport 23:45 The Football League Show

07:00 Postman Pat 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Wild Tales 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:30 Leon 08:45 Pinky and Perky 09:00 Basil and Barney's Game Show 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Big & Small 10:40 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Timmy Time 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The 39 Steps 14:00 Rowing 15:30 Animal 24:7 16:00 Rewind the 60s 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Great British Menu 20:00 The Story of Ireland 21:00 Springwatch 2011 22:00 All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace 23:00 Queen: Days of Our Lives

00:45 The Day John Lennon Died 01:40 The Zone 03:00 Motorsport UK 03:55 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 Dinner Date 11:25 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 Midsomer Murders 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:40 Meridian News and Weather 14:50 You've Been Framed! 15:20 On Her Majesty's Secret Service 18:00 Celebrity Britain's Best Dish: Coronation Street v Emmerdale 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:30 Harry Hill's TV Burp 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Coronation Street 22:30 Britain's Got Talent Results 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:14 Meridian Weather 23:15 Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous

EGYPT'S LOST CITIES

BBC2 00:00 01:00 02:00 02:30 03:00 03:30 04:00 04:30 05:00 05:10

The Shadow Line French Open Tennis BBC News Reporters BBC News Dateline London BBC News The Record Europe BBC News Close

Dallas Campbell and Liz Bonnin join Dr Sarah Parcak on a journey to Egypt to find out whether cities, temples and pyramids are lying beneath the sands. The potential existence of the buildings was suggested by satellites as part of an alternative approach to archaeology.

01:10 Equilibrium 03:05 Diagnosis Live from the Clinic 04:00 The Sex Education Show: Am I Normal? 04:55 Civilization: Is the West History? 05:50 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:15 Countdown 07:00 Sali Mali 07:05 The Hoobs 07:55 Freshly Squeezed 08:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:50 Frasier 09:50 Friends 10:20 Accidentally on Purpose 10:50 Location, Location, Location 11:50 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12:55 Jamie at Home 13:20 Clash of the Titans 15:35 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:05 4thought.tv 20:10 The Italian Job 22:00 Gordon's Great Escape 23:00 Dodgeball: a True Underdog Story

00:55 Russell and Katy Get Married 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 Rough Guide To 05:10 Divine Designs 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Rupert Bear 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Olivia 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 How Do They Do It? 12:30 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 13:25 5 News Lunchtime 13:35 Home and Away 14:05 Neighbours 14:35 Coroner Creek 16:25 Fort Worth 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 Monkey Life 19:55 5 News at 7 20:00 Cricket 21:00 The Gadget Show 22:00 The Hotel Inspector 23:00 A Few Good Men 20:10 The Italian Job 22:00 Gordon's Great Escape 23:00 Dodgeball: a True Underdog Story

Tuesday 31st May 00:25 The Graham Norton Show 01:15 Wonders of the Universe 02:15 Inside the Human Body 03:15 The Secrets of Scott's Hut 04:45 One Man and His Campervan 05:15 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Real Rescues 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Copycats 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Sadie J 17:30 Andy Tracks Usain Bolt: A Blue Peter Special 17:55 Shaun the Sheep 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Undercover Care - The Abuse Exposed: Panorama 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Crimewatch on the Streets BBC2 00:00 Queen: The Legendary 1975 Concert 00:50 Richard Hammond's Engineering Connections 01:40 French Open Tennis 02:40 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 03:00 BBC News 03:30 The Record 04:00 BBC News

04:30 Cannes 2011 04:40 The Super League Show 05:15 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Dip Dap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Wild Tales 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:45 Pinky and Perky 09:00 Basil and Barney's Game Show 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Big & Small 10:40 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Timmy Time 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Gunga Din 14:30 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Animal 24:7 16:00 Rewind the 60s 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Great British Menu 20:00 Britain's Secret Seas 21:00 Springwatch 2011 22:00 The Country House Revealed 23:00 Lead Balloon 23:30 Newsnight

01:20 The Zone 03:20 UEFA Champions League Weekly 03:50 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Celebrity Britain's Best Dish: Loose Women v Olympians 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Coronation Street 22:30 Britain's Got Talent Results 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Mickey Blue Eyes

LEAD BALLOON New series. A Sunday newspaper decides to write a feature about Mel, and with his efforts to produce a best-selling novel on indefinite hold, Rick sets out to hijack her moment in the spotlight in an effort to restart his career. However, his plan to acquire a pet pig to pose with in photographs ends up falling disastrously flat. Comedy, starring Jack Dee.

00:55 The Event 01:50 Poker 02:45 24 Hours in A&E 03:40 The Sex Education Show: Am I Normal? 04:35 Life, Death and Suffer Story 04:40 The Dead Zone 05:25 Hill Street Blues 06:15 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:40 Sali Mali 06:45 Yo Gabba Gabba! 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 09:55 Friends 10:30 Accidentally on Purpose 10:55 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 In Your Dreams 13:15 The Home Show 14:20 Appointment in London 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Four Rooms 22:00 The Secret Millionaire 23:00 Jamie's Food Revolution Hits Hollywood

01:50 Forensic Files 02:15 SuperCasino 05:00 The Family Recipe 05:05 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 Rough Guide to Journeys 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Rupert Bear 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake Monkey 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Olivia 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 Highland Emergency 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Meals in Moments 16:15 Sub Zero 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Zoo Days 21:00 Supersize Grime 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: Miami 23:55 CSI: NY

Wednesday 1st June 00:35 The Lock Up 01:10 Children's Craniofacial Surgery 02:10 Wootton Bassett: The Town That Remembers 03:10 Who Do You Think You Are? 03:55 Great British Railway Journeys 04:25 BBC News 04:30 Reporters 05:00 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Real Rescues 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Copycats 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Little Howard's Big Question 17:30 Barney's Survival Adventure 17:55 Shaun the Sheep 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Waterloo Road 21:30 Life of Riley 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 Not Going Out BBC2 00:20 00:50 01:50 02:00 02:30 03:00 03:30 04:00 04:25

Time to Remember French Open Tennis HARDtalk BBC News ABC World News BBC News The Record BBC News Close

07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Dip Dap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Wild Tales 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:30 Leon 08:45 Pinky and Perky 09:00 Basil and Barney's Game Show 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Big & Small 10:40 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Timmy Time 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Berlin Express 14:00 See Hear 14:30 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Animal 24:7 16:00 Rewind the 60s 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Great British Menu 20:00 Escape to the Country 20:30 Springwatch 2011 21:30 Springwatch Unsprung 2011 22:00 Wonderland - The Men Who Won't Stop Marching 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired! 23:30 Newsnight

01:30 The Zone 03:30 Crossing Jordan 04:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Celebrity Britain's Best Dish: This Morning v Daybreak 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Coronation Street 22:30 Britain's Got Talent Results 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight 23:35 Cumbria, One Year On

THE APPRENTICE Alan Sugar tells the candidates he will again be picking their team leaders, and challenges them to manufacture, name and brand a new pet food. Soon they are ignoring the advice of focus groups, inventing product names so strange not even their team-mates can understand them and creating chaos when they try to cast a male actor to play a sexy female cat.

00:05 01:10 02:10 02:35 03:05 03:30 03:55 04:50 05:45 06:15 07:10 08:00 08:30 08:55 09:55 10:25 10:55 11:55 Away 13:00 13:05 13:15 13:25 14:25 16:10 17:00 18:00 18:30 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:55 21:00 Clinic 22:00 23:00

Misfits UK & Ireland Poker Tour Freesports on 4 The Grid British GT Championship KOTV Boxing Weekly FIVB Beach Volleyball Catching the Impossible Triathlon Full Metal Challenge The Hoobs Freshly Squeezed Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Friends Accidentally on Purpose Location, Location, Location A Place in the Sun: Home or Channel 4 News Summary In Your Dreams My Eden The Home Show The Great Sioux Massacre Countdown Deal or No Deal Four in a Bed Come Dine with Me The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News 4thought.tv Diagnosis Live from the 24 Hours in A&E Desperate Housewives

00:55 CSI: NY 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 The Family Recipe 05:05 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 Rough Guide to Bang for Your Buck 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Castle Farm 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Hana's Helpline 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 Highland Emergency 13:05 The Family Recipe 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:15 McBride: The Doctor is Out, Really Out 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Pawn Stars

Thursday 2nd June 00:15 Forces of Nature 02:00 See Hear 02:30 Watchdog 03:30 Country Tracks 04:25 The British at Work 05:25 BBC News 05:30 Fifa: The Final Whistle? Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Real Rescues 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Copycats 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Project Parent 17:30 Horrible Histories 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Andrew Marr's Megacities 22:00 Traffic Cops 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time BBC2 00:20 Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle 00:50 Louis Theroux: Miami Mega Jail 01:50 French Open Tennis 02:50 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 03:00 BBC News 03:30 HARDtalk 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Click

05:00 BBC News 05:25 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Dip Dap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Wild Tales 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:45 Pinky and Perky 09:00 Basil and Barney's Game Show 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Big & Small 10:40 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Timmy Time 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Escape to Burma 14:00 Diagnosis Murder 14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Rewind the 60s 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Great British Menu 20:00 The Culture Show 21:00 Springwatch 2011 22:00 The Shadow Line 23:00 Psychoville 2 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Long Lost Family 01:30 The Zone 03:35 Boogeyman 05:00 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Celebrity Britain's Best Dish: Strictly Come Dancing v Dancing on Ice 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Coronation Street 22:30 Britain's Got Talent Results 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 When Piers Met Sir Cliff

ANDREW MARR'S MEGACITIES New series. The broadcaster finds out how metropolises feed, protect and move populations of more than 10 million. He begins by looking at London, Dhaka, Tokyo, Mexico City and Shanghai, exploring daily life in each area and considering what urban centres of the future can learn from today's heavily populated regions.

00:05 The Big Bang Theory 01:00 The Album Chart Show 01:45 Mercury Prize Sessions 02:05 Riding in Cars with Boys 04:15 The Sex Education Show: Am I Normal? 05:10 Hill Street Blues 06:00 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 10:00 Friends 10:30 Accidentally on Purpose 10:55 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 The Home Show 14:05 The Silent Enemy 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Three in a Bed 22:00 Meet the Elephant Man 23:00 Bums, Boobs and Botox

00:55 Poker: Aussie Millions 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 The Family Recipe 05:05 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Hana's Helpline 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 Highland Emergency 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:20 Summer House 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Zoo Days 21:00 Emergency Bikers 22:00 Extreme Fishing with Robson Green - At the Ends of the Earth 23:00 Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Friday, May 27, 2011

SPORT ON THE BOX All the top sport on TV in your Good News paper Friday, May 27th, 9:00pm to 12:00am PGA Tour Golf Sky Sports 3 H.P Byron Classic Championship D2. Day two of the HP Byron Classic Championship at TPC Four Seasons Resort in Irving, Texas. Jason Day is the defending champion of this 6.5 million dollar tournament. May 28th, 8:00pm to 11:25pm UEFA Champions League Final ITV1 Barcelona v Manchester United. Adrian Chiles presents live coverage from Wembley of the Champions League Final. Many hail Pep Guardiola's Barcelona as the best team in the history of the game and in Lionel Messi he has the most talented player of a generation. But United are on home soil and they won their first ever European Cup at Wembley in 1968 - plus Wayne Rooney will always pose a threat to any opposition. Two years ago Barcelona beat United 2-0 in the Champions League Final in Rome so Sir Alex Ferguson will be hoping for revenge. Expect high drama and plenty of thrills. Commentary by Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend. (Subsequent programmes may change). Sunday, May 29th, 10:00pm to 11:30pm League 1 Play-Off Final Sky Sports 2 highlights. The npower League 1 play-off final at Old Trafford. Monday, May 30th, 7:00pm to 9:30pm Rugby Super League Sky Sports 1 Super League Round 15 - Wigan v Hull K.R. Round 15 of Super League sees Wigan play host to Hull KR at the DW Stadium. The Warriors had a solid start to the season and are looking to push the league leaders now.

THE UPS AND THE DOWNS LONG BALLS by Malcolm Palmer IT was a night to remember for a lot of folk, as no less than six teams tried to avoid going down with Almería and Hercules, from the Primera Liga. Zaragoza looked favourites for the drop, as they were a point adrift, but scored first away at Levante, where no less than a hundred bus-loads had gone from the Aragon capital to support them. Two threatened teams met, Real Sociedad and Getafe, in a tense atmosphere, but somehow contrived to draw – both were safe. Osasuna scraped home against Villareal, but poor old Deportivo found that twenty years in the top flight counted for nothing, lost 0-2 to Valencia, and down they go, even though they have amassed 44 points. Elsewhere Real Madrid made merry, whacking in eight against poor Almería, with ‘Manolito’ Adebayor getting a hattrick and Cristiano Ronaldo notching up two more to make 40 (or 41, if you read Marca – a lot of goals, anyway!) for the season. And the boys in white finish up with 102 goals – not bad, as Mourinho points out, for a ‘defensive team.’ The second division race is sorting itself out, with Betis and Rayo Vallecano now assured of promotion, and the playoffs looking to be contested by Elche, Celta, Granada and Valladolid. Not to be outdone by the Primera Liga, the Premier League staged its own nailbiting go-down/stay-up finale to the season, with the unlucky losers to join West Ham being Blackpool and Birmingham. Blackpool led Man U 1-2 at one stage, but

reckoned without the famous Fergie finish, whilst Wolves lost but still finished above Brum, who fell to a late Pavlyuchenko strike at White Hart Lane. Wigan scraped through by a single goal at Stoke. Up at the other end Manchester City finish level on points with Chelsea, who went down to Everton, but have a much worse goal difference, so end up third. To come up out of the Championship, QPR and Norwich will be joined by

the winners of the play-off final between Swansea and Reading, on 30th May. Raul’s Schalke, shaking off their hammering in the Champions’ League by Manchester United, added to the legendary Nº 7’s silverware collection by thrashing Duisburg 5-0 to win the German Cup. In Scotland, it will surprise no-one to learn that Celtic beat Motherwell 30 to take their version of the cup.

QPR manager Neil Warnock celebrates with fans.

Friday, May 27, 2011

AWNINGS

CAR MECHANICS

CHURCH SERVICES

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES

BAR 4 SALE Local Spanish & English Bar Well Known 100,000€ Call 679 096 309 10 cold drinks /snack vending machines with sites 39,900 euros. Excellent cash income, no overhead, operate from home 31,000 euros NETT per year one day p.w. to service.25 Pringle vending machines with sites 14,900 euros 250 euros per week NETT guaranteed, machines and sites available individually. 965 326 442 / 659 696 455 (09) Bar for sale. Quesada area. Going cheap. For information pack, email: . Tel: 688 800 960 (16)

BUILDERS

International Christian Assembly. Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational. Sunday services 11:00am. Children’s Church 11:00am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11:00am. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome 966 799 273 // 660 127 276.

FOR SALE RINCON CRISIS FOR CRISIS PRICES. Clothing, footwear or accessories. Man woman or child. New shirts 2€ Summer dresses 3€ Sunglasses, flip-flops, sandals, crocs 1€. Behind the tanatorio, park of nations, Torrevieja. 677 706 728 www.rinconcrisis.vpweb.co. uk (13) Aluminimum gates for sale Double and sliding available Guaranteed no rust. Call Tracy on 966 726 891 for details (14) Second hand 4-5 seater corner sofa (180cm length) and foot stool. Tan brown leather. Good condition 500 Euros Tel: Kevin 968 336 816 / 690 738 820 (14)

PROPERTY FOR RENT FOR RENT & SALES APARTMENT GRANT ALACANT: Luxury apartment in residential 200 mt from Beach, 2 Bath, 2 Bedrooms (75 mt2). Furnished & parquet. Big corner terrace with southsea views (28 mt2). Included garage & pools.For years Rent: 650 €mth/ Sale:

250.000€ / juanjo.campello@yahoo.es / Tel.+34.620208483 (15) Luxury appartments, 2/3 bedrooms in San Miguel De Salinas. Floorheating, Elevator, Roof terrace with swimmingpool, from 385 euros / month. Also holiday rentals and appartments in San Miguel de Salinas from 350 euros / month. Call 966 723 437 or 616 487 493 Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: or Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 64, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment. Located in the very popular area of Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 06, A Beautiful town centre apartment conveniently situated in Torrevieja close to town centre amenities and a short walk to the beautiful sandy beaches. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 78, South facing 3 bed roomed property situated injardin Del Mar VII, with communal pool nearby. Close to amenities. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 52 (Long Term Only) Three bedroom 2nd floor terrace house in Aguas Nuevas. The property benefits from large lounge, fully fitted kitchen and a downstairs shower room. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super-

market, restaurants and bars. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15)

PROPERTY FOR SALE 1 bed, 1 bath south facing apartment in Mirador (Villamartin) 39,995 euros !! Call Darren 629 891 685( BLC00156) (14) Beautiful ground floor 1 bed, 1 bath large apartment in Lago Jarin 1 49,995 euros!! Call Darren 629 891 685 (BLC00162) (14) 2 bed, 1 bath apartment in Torrevieja, ready to move into only 57,950 Call Darren 629 891 685 (BLC00158) (14) www.paramountpropertymurcia.com 70 metres from beach/facilities Torrevieja sea views 3 bed 1 bath apartment furnished 89,000 euros 30 mins from Paramount Resort email independentestate@hotmail.com tel 625 457 555 Independent Estates independent advice near Sucina & Balsicas Finca 3 bed 1 bath 960 metre plot country living near golf & towns 20 mins Paramount resort 159.995 euros www.paramountpropertymurica.com Tel 625 457 555 Independent Estates independent advice Golf Apartment reduced from 145,950 euros to 85,245 euros 3 bed 1 bath 20 min to Paramount resort email independentestates@hotmail.com www.paramountpropertymurcia.com Tel 625 457 555 See website for full listings and information at www.paramountpropertymurcia.com Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles.

It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 520, €105,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 510, €79,999. Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 146, €85,000. Three bedroom two bathroom quad house in Dream Hills. Off road parking on the front driveway with gates that can be padlocked for security. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15)

SITUATIONS VACANT

WANTED

REMOVALS

WIG SPECIALISTS

SPORTS EQUIPMENT

SALON MARGARETHAS 23 years in Torrevieja, Hair/Wig Specialist for Medical Illness & Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural & Artificial Hair and much more also fashion/festival accessories. TV/TS are welcome to our service. Call Margaretha on 966 921 846 or call into Salon Margarethas in Torrevieja (14)

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Friday, May 27, 2011

THE REFEREE’S A BANKER... OR A PLUMBER OR A POLICEMAN

How much does a referee earn? A PREMIER LEAGUE referee earns in the region of £70k per season for handling someone like John Terry who is paid £6.75 million a year. The referee and his two assistants are crucial to the success of football and the fair outcome of the match and therefore should be paid an appropriate salary, much more than they get currently. Even worse are the payments given to the Assistant Referees, who give the crucial match-changing offside decisions (and without technology to help). An assistant referee is paid £375 for each match he or she is selected for, which could amount to £7,500 a season. They are only paid by the match, so if they get injured they receive no money at all. On top of this they are only supplied with one set of kit and if they require a

change of shirt they have to buy their own. Pretty much amateur status for the Assistant Referees, then!

Premier League referees

They used to have other jobs before they turned pro this season Card players: Ref Mike Dean and Paul Scholes

NORWICH CITY

ARSENAL

Select Group referees

Record breaker Michael Oliver

(PGMOL) to officiate matches in the Premier League, as well as the Football League, FA Cup and Carling Cup. The panel was established in 2001, when referees in England became professional. Michael Oliver and Anthony Taylor were promoted to the Select Group for the 2010/11 season. They replaced Alan Wiley and Steve Bennett, who both retired to become referee coaches. On August 21 last year, Oliver became the youngest ref to take charge of a Premier League game when he refereed Birmingham City v Blackburn Rovers, beating the record set by Stuart Attwell in August 2008. Oliver would have broken the record in January 2010 when he was scheduled to officiate the Fulham v

Portsmouth match. However the game was postponed and Oliver had undergone an ankle operation by the time the match had been rearranged. Anthony Taylor took charge of Fulham v Portsmouth when it was rearranged in February 2010 and was also in charge of the Birmingham v Wigan Premier League game later the same month. He was promoted to the Select Group before the start of the 2010/11 season. The following referees are currently eligible to be appointed by UEFA and FIFA to international 0matches: Martin Atkinson Stuart Attwell Mark Clattenburg Mike Dean Andre Marriner Lee Probert Howard Webb

WHO’D WANT TO BE A REF? AFTER a season of controversies, we ask who would want to do the job of the man in black.

ARSENAL are to make a shock bid for Lyon's Kim Kallstrom and Everton's Mikel Arteta (pictured) if Cesc Fabregas leaves the Emirates. Also in the offing: Emmanuel Adebayor back to Arsenal for reduced fee of £10 million. Kaka to Arsenal, with Nicklas Bendtner going other way in a £25 million plus player deal.

LIVERPOOL AQUALINI to stay at Liverpool next season. He would bring the extra quality they need into the squad without having to pay a transfer fee

EVERTON EVERTON are in talks to sign Carlton Cole from relegated West Ham for around £9 million.

NEWCASTLE AS MUCH as Sunderland and Liverpool fans will hate this and refuse to believe, Charles N’Zogbia is going back to Newcastle. He's keen to play with fellow French international Ben Arfa. Joey Barton will sign a new five-year contract with Newcastle as he has now said he would be happy to see out his career with the Geordies. We have been told by a reliable source that Cheik Tiote has been working on bringing Didier Drogba to Tyneside, and with N'zogbia wanting to return things are looking up for the Toon.

MANCHESTER CITY THE big-money men to sign Franck Ribery from Bayern Munich for £32 million.

DERBY COUNTY THE Rams are to sign Nathan Tyson from Championship rivals Nottingham Forest. Derby are also chasing Leicester's Martyn Waghorn, Watford's John Eustace and Barnsley's Jason Shackell.

From The Guardian last month:

Sir Alex Ferguson slams Premier League clampdown on abuse of referees SIR Alex Ferguson says Richard Scudamore, the Premier League chief executive, 'doesn't have a lot to do'. Ferguson has dismissed the announcement of a Premier League initiative to encourage respect for referees. The Manchester United manager, who last month was given a five-match ban for comments about the referee Martin Atkinson after a defeat by Chelsea, said: "[Premier League chief executive] Richard Scudamore doesn't have a lot to do, does he? "He's trying to elevate the Premier League. Fine. That's good, that's his job. But I don't think managers disrespect referees. I get done for what I considered was fair comment,

All the transfer gossip first in THE Canaries are looking for four or five players in the summer. The places they look to fill are: Striker Centre back Winger Goalkeeper Central midfielder John Sutton, a striker from Motherwell, a player who worked under manager Paul Lambert at Wycombe. John and his family are all from Norwich and his dad and brother played for the Canaries. So this one is looking likely especially as he would be affordable for Delia Smith and Co.

THERE are 19 professional referees who generally officiate in the Premier League. Despite all their training their approach to discipline can be quite inconsistent as can be seen from the table below. Personally I would like to see more straight red cards until footballers (and their managers) stop blaming the officials for everything that goes wrong on the field and accept their decisions as competitors in most other sports frequently do.

THE Select Group is a panel of football referees appointed by Professional Game Match Officials Limited

RUMOUR MILL: THE LATEST

CHELSEA

the FA didn't, and they give me a five-match ban, that's fine. But that doesn't mean to say we don't respect referees. It's a difficult job, we all know that. You wouldn't referee a game, would you? Neither would I. But we do need them. "I do think Richard is jumping off a high board here – a high diving board – without thinking about it." Article from www.guardian.co.uk, Friday 1 April 2011

THE Stamford Bridge men to sell Alex to Real Madrid for £9 million and replace him with Lucio.

CELTIC PEOPLE saying David Goodwillie will never sign for Celtic because he is a Rangers fan are misinformed. He is indeed a Gers fan but will go to whoever offers him the most money.

Friday, May 27, 2011

SPORTS ROUND-UP

Sorry Luke, you’re not No.1!

Record-breaker Mason

IAN POULTER denied Luke Donald top spot in golf’s world rankings on Sunday, beating his fellow Englishman 2 and 1 in the final of the World Match Play Championship. It was Poulter’s first title of 2011. Second-ranked Donald could have risen to No.1 for the first time, supplanting compatriot Lee Westwood, had he won the tournament in Andalusia. But he failed to find the consistency that had swept him to the final. Poulter, who ousted Westwood in the last 16, sealed Donald’s fate with birdies on the 14th and 16th. "I didn't play my best, but I played the right shots at the right times," said Poulter, whose 14th career title will lift him from No. 22 into the top 15. It also earned him a winner's cheque for $1.14 million and made him the first player to win both match-play titles, having won the Accenture tournament last year. "I just ran out of steam a little bit," said Donald, who made only one birdie against Poulter. "I really didn't play well. I had some opportunities on the greens that I usually can do in my sleep. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth."

ENGLISHMAN Carl Mason became the most prolific European Senior winner by lifting his 24th title at the OKI Open de Senior. He broke the record previously held by Tommy Horton with an overwhelming performance at the El Vale Golf Resort in Murcia, winning by four shots with a display befitting the most successful player on the Senior Tour. Holding a one shot lead over Bill Longmuir going into the final round, Mason took a stranglehold with a ruthless front-nine display of 32 (four under). Four birdies in five holes allowed him to cruise to a final-round 68 and a four-shot winning aggregate of 200, 13 under. England’s George Ryall emerged from the pack with a brilliant 65 to take second place on nine under, one ahead of Longmuir.

Dream time for Toms

DAVID TOMS was beginning to wonder if he could ever win again on the PGA Tour. Now he has the most satisfying victory of all. More than five years after his last victory, a week after losing in a play-off and a day after blowing a sevenstroke lead at the Crowne Plaza Invitational to go into the final round trailing, Toms shot a 3-under-par 67 on Sunday to win at Hogan's Alley. ‘’Not dreaming, am I? This is actually happening, right?" asked the 44-year-old champion when he entered the interview room wearing the championship plaid jacket. "Wow, I didn't know if this day would ever come again." Toms regained the lead for good from Charlie Wi with an eagle at the par-five 11th, and finished 15 under - a stroke ahead of Wi. "It's one of the most perfect shots I've ever hit," Toms said of his 83-yard wedge approach at 11.

FIXTURES (all May 26-29): USPGA Tour - HP Byron Nelson Championship, Irving, Texas; European Tour - BMW PGA Championship, Wentworth Club, Surrey; Ladies European Tour: Slovak Open, Tale, Slovakia.

Vettel reigns in Spain DEFENDING world champion Sebastian Vettel fended off a late challenge from Lewis Hamilton to win Sunday's Spanish Grand Prix in Barcelona. Vettel took the chequered flag less than a second ahead of Hamilton, who had closed up to the Red Bull driver during the closing laps at the Circuit de Catalunya but was unable to find a way past. Hamilton's team-mate Jenson Button finished third after a poor start - the McLaren driver recovering after once again choosing a different tyre strategy to the other front-runners but this time making it work. The race was a disappointment for Mark Webber, though, the pole-sitter never really recovering having also made a poor start and eventually finishing fourth. Vettel's win was his fourth in five races and means he now has 118 points in the drivers' championship, 41 more than Hamilton with Webber 10 points further adrift in third. Red Bull lead the constructors' championship on 185 points, with McLaren second on 138.

Luna over the moon

Cyclist killed in freak accident

ITALY’S Diana Luna shot a superb seven-under-par 65 to secure her fourth European Tour title at the UniCredit Ladies German Open. Luna, 28, originally from Rome, carded rounds of 67, 67, 65 and 65 for a 24-under total of 264 in Munich. She carded 24 birdies no bogeys for the entire tournament, winning by seven shots from Finland’s Minea Blomqvist, who finished with a 70.

SPANISH cyclist Xavier To-do has died in a freak accident at a ski resort in southern Spain. The 32-year-old Moister rider was crushed between his car and a garage door as he prepared to set off for training, local police said. To-do finished sixth in last year’s Volta a España and won the Vuelta a Castilla y Leon in April. "He was an incredible person who loved this sport more than anyone," said Tour de France champion Alberto Contador. Tondo was one of a number of cyclists preparing for the Tour de France at altitude in the Sierra Nevada resort near Granada. Movistar team manager Eusebio Unzue said another Spanish professional cyclist, Benat Intxausti, was in the vehicle at the time. "How life is unfair and sometimes difficult to understand," Contador said on Twitter.

With Mick Hardy from Kidease PREMIER & LA LIGA FIXTURES Friday, May 27 International 20.45 Northern Ireland v Wales Saturday, May 28 Champions League FINAL 20.45 Barcelona v Manchester United

Sunday, May 29 League One play off final 16.00 Huddersfield Town v Peterborough United Internationals 21.00 Germany v Uruguay 19.30 Republic of Ireland v Scotland

Ryan’s a lion - but Strikers roar in vain Pre Benjamins: Sponsored by The Vegetable Garden C.F Intercomarcal 7 Junior Strikers 5 The Pre Benjamin Blues ended their season with a game to remember against C.F Intercomarcal. The home team took advantage of some poor defending and found themselves 5-0 up within 10 minutes. The fight back then begun as Junior Strikers sprung into life with a well taken goal by Eddie Corbit. Blues defender Alvaro reduced the deficit with a great header just before half time. The find of the season Ryan who is by far the smallest player on the pitch controlled the midfield with his silky dribbling skills. Ryan’s hard work was rewarded with two fantastic individual goals to give the Blues a glimmer of hope. Intercomarcal refused to let the Blues back into the game and replied to increase their lead by two goals. The goal of the game came from Alvaro, his shot from his own half looped over the home team’s keeper and into the net to set up a great finale. Junior Strikers gave their all to get back into the game but were caught on the break with virtually the last kick of the game. Well done to all the Blues Pre Benjamin’s for finishing sixth. Benjamins: Sponsored by Kulsveen s.l. Semi Final (2nd Leg) Junior Strikers 3 San Miguel 1 Another impressive performance by the Benjamin Blues see’s them cement their place in this years Vega Baja league final. The Blues were 4-3 up going into this 2nd Leg clash with league rivals San Miguel. San Miguel capitalised on a goalkeeping error and leveled the aggregate score within seconds of the first whistle. Junior Strikers kept their nerve and went on to dominate the first half by keeping possession of the ball. Sheldon Green latched onto a loose ball in the midfield and went on one of his famous solo runs bamboozling three defenders before firing a shot beyond the advancing keeper to level the scores. Captain of the Blues Joshua Charles saved his best performance of the season for this all important semi final, his efforts paid off when he met a Sheldon Green corner with a bullet header to give his team a two goal cushion on aggregate. Rudi Mckinley added the third with his second goal in as many games to send the Blues through to the final to face Jacarilla. Alevins: Sponsored by Quesada Fish & Chips Semi Final (2nd Leg) Junior Strikers 13 Jacarilla 1 This had to be the most one sided semi final on record. To be fair to Jacarilla, they actually dominated the first 10 minutes but to no avail. Blues goalkeeper Kyllum Wilkinson was in fine form and denied the away team from taking the lead. The Junior Strikers Alevins went into this game 8-4 up on aggregate from the 1st leg; Jacarilla had to go for it and eventually paid the price for leaving to much space at the back for Brad Fox to score his first of a hatrick. Kiwi Dalzell is reveling in his new position as striker for the Blues, Jacarilla could not handle him as he fired in goal after goal scoring a double hatrick. Kiwi’s second of the day was one to remember, as he unleashed an unstoppable shot from 20 yards out into the top corner. Travis Jones worked tireless throughout the whole match, Jones got in on the scoring act with two well taken goals. Max Gillespie added another double strike to his seasons tally with two great finishes after some neat teamwork. Junior Strikers will now face San Miguel in the final. Junior Strikers train at the Playa Flamenca sports centre on Monday and Wednesday 6pm-7pm. For more info please visit www.juniorstrikers.com

Friday, May 27, 2011

ONE LAST CHANCE

The heat is on as Elche begin their final battle to join Spain’s football giants in La Liga Elche’s Marintez Valero Stadium full to bursting last season by DAN SMITH LAST weekend, according to the wacky 89 year old evangelical preacher Harold Camping, the world was to come to its end. It might have felt that way to supporters up and down Spain and the UK as they looked to the heavens, tightly clasped hands hoping or praying for promotion, salvation or just that one more chance - getting into the play-offs. The play-offs are, as some traditionalists mumble, ways of extracting more cash from punters desperate for that one last chance whereas the non-traditionalists, myself included, start our countdown to what can be described as the most exciting time of the season. Elche last weekend mathematically reserved their play-off spot and with two league fixtures still remaining, the countdown to the June 8 is now on, and how exciting it plans to be. Away last weekend to Celta Vigo, Elche had to come from behind twice to finish up at 2-2 and collect the missing point needed for the play-off spot. And with rivals Xerez losing out at Rayo Vallecano, Elche booked themselves that ‘one last chance’. Three of the four spots are now confirmed Granada, Elche and Celta - with fourth spot looking like Valladolid´s. This weekend, ironically, Elche take on Granada away and whilst both teams may not like the idea of divulging too much tactical information about each other, a win for Elche could put them up to third. Important as the teams finishing third or fourth in the final placing dictate that the second leg of the first round ties will be played at home. The following weekend Elche take on Xerez at home in the last game before the real excitement starts and hopefully the gate money starts rolling in because that is also what the playoffs are all about?

Ángel celebtates his goal

Bring on the play-offs All photos: MARK WELTON

Friday, May 27, 2011

PRESIDENT VALENTIN BOTELLA UNDER FIRE DURING GAME

TECHINCAL TRAVEL COCKDIRECTOR IS UP MEANS TO BACK LEAVE ELCHE DOWN STARSAND AT MAYBE LEAVE HOME FOR THE CLUB TIE CRUNCH

MIROSLAV DJUKIC THE CLUB LACKED A PLAN

HERCULES 0 - SPORTING DE GIJÓN 0

FANS LOOK FOR SCAPEGOATS AS HERCULES BOW OUT

DOWN AND OUT: WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DISCORD WITHIN THE SQUAD?

By MALCOLM PALMER A PREDICTABLY sparse crowd of 7,500 were dotted around the Rico Perez for Hercules’ farewell to the first division after only one season – a season that started so well, when they won astonishingly away against mighty Barcelona. It was a game that would mark a good few goodbyes as disgruntled players prepared to move on, and, appropriately enough, Señor Ramirez, the match referee, was blowing the whistle on his own career. The game had a thoroughly ‘decaffeinated’ look, with the home side already relegated, and Sporting safely esconsed in mid-table. Unai Alba got a rare start in goal for the Alicante side, and Trezeguet led the attack, though he was roundly castigated by the unhappy crowd on each (rare) occasion he touched the ball, as his atti-

‘THIS CLUB BADGE DESERVES MORE RESPECT’ - READS THE BANNER AS HERCULES FANS DEMONSTRATE

tude has been called into question. The Hercules defence pushed the ball around quite nicely, with Pamarot and Cortes showing some nice touches, and Unai Alba looked quite assured between the sticks. Twice Portillo, who was playing in a left wing position, let fly with powerful shots, once only just going wide with a sharp volley– he looked the best of the home attack. Hercules continued to exert pressure on the Asturians’ defence, and forced several corners, but when Abel Aguilar finally got the ball into the net he was judged to be offside – it was, at best, a narrow decision. Portillo saw a yellow card when he took a free kick before the ref blew his whistle, but when he did get his shot in, he drew a fine save from Raul. Cortes and Kiko combined well, then Kiko saw a decent effort go just wide as the half-time whistle blew. It was to

Photos: Mark Welton be his last kick – probably his last kick in a blue and white shirt – as he was substituted by Rufete at half time, complaining of a knee injury. Abraham Paz also came off and was replaced by Juanra. Pamarot made a rare mistake on 52 minutes, but Unai Alba came neatly to the rescue, as he did once again, when the lively Barral broke clear. Although the reserve keeper made one poor clearance, he had a generally useful game. Farinós worked hard in midfield, and did his best to set up attacks, with Rufete running hard down the flank. His cross with an hour gone found Tiago Gomes at the near post, but the header went wide. Howls of disapproval greeted David Trezeguet when he was replaced by Sendoa after 69 minutes. Portillo was still trying hard, and veteran Rufete could not be faulted for his work-rate, but the lack of a goal-scoring force

was a familiar Hercules syndrome. Señor Ramirez distinguished his swan-song by showing only one yellow card throughout, but, in truth, neither side had looked likely to score. After the match, trainer Miroslave Djukic was outspoken, saying clearly that the club lacked philosophy – no policy of bringing on young players, for instance, with the result that there was no saleable player, with the exception of Kiko, in the whole first team squad – and, by implication, little hope for the future, unless a seachange is forthcoming. The ‘Drenthe’ episode, and signing of him and other ‘mercenaries’ has left a bad taste, and crowds outside the ground demonstrated against the presidency and direction of the club. It remains to be seen if any change will ensue, or if next season will again see Hercules starting with their famed ‘team of yayos (grandads).’