Week 142

Edition 142

www.thecourier.es

Friday, November 8, 2013

CAM AND GET IT Bankers face embezzlement quiz

By ALEX TRELINSKI Five ex­bosses of the failed CAM Bank have been arrested after a major fraud investiga­ tion into its activities.

The first two suspects to be arrested, CAM's ex­gen­ eral manager Roberto Lopez Abad and Daniel Gil, one of its ex­directors, were questioned by a judge yes­ terday. CAM, which used to be Spain’s 10th­biggest bank, was taken over by Banco Sabadell as part of a shake­up to stabilise the financial sector which was

Roberto Lopez Abad

hit hard by the collapse of a building boom in 2008.

Judge Javier Gomez Bermudez is investigating allegations that the former CAM bosses embezzled funds. The court also sus­ pects that "the five suspects knew about, or should and could have but did not want to know about, the state of CAM's assets" before it col­ lapsed, he wrote when he set bail for them in June.

CAM was taken over by the Bank of Spain in July 2011, with the management being sacked, and nearly 3

billion Euros pumped into it to keep it going. Bank of Spain inspectors said there were serious deficiencies in CAM’s bosses which led to big losses in risky real estate operations. The inspectors also noted that the directors had awarded themselves multi­million­euro early­ retirement packages. Before the bailout, CAM’s manage­ ment had reported a net profit in the first quarter of 2011 of 38.9 million Euros, only for the profit and loss account 3 months later showing a loss of 1.136 bil­ lion Euros. CAM was subse­ quently sold to Banco

Sabadell for a nominal one Euro.

In a separate operation, the Guardia Civil have arrested 9 people around the country, including Alicante Province, on the back of an 18 month fraud investigation into CAM’s investment in a series of lux­ ury hotels in Central America. It is alleged the hotels were used for money laundering and tax evasion, helped by a number of legal firms, which cost the Spanish Government mil­ lions of Euros. Reports sug­ gest that more arrests are imminent.

INSIDE TODAY

Daniel Gil

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Friday, November 8, 2013

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Picture of the Week

JUNGLE DRUMS

Photo by ANN WARD, QUESADA

RACETRACK MURDER Sweet tooth

A murder inquiry has been launched after the body of a woman was discovered in a car close to the Cartagena racetrack in Roldan near Torre Pacheco. She’d been asphyxiated with the police finding a plas­ tic rubbish bag on her head. The 27 year old, with first names of Mari Carmen, had

A gang of thieves have given themselves a pre­Xmas lift by stealing some 13 tons of the fes­ tive delicacy, tur­ ron (nougat) from a factory in the famous nougat making town of Alicante Province, Jijona. A number of factories concentrate on producing turron for Xmas, some of the varieties being said to be expensive. The been reported missing from Roldan on gang struck last weekend at the El Romero factory and stole Sunday, with her body being found the fol­ 16 bundles of turron there ready to be transported for sale. lowing day. Her funeral took place on Nothing else was stolen but the pallets of turron, and the Tuesday, with the first autopsy results con­ Guardia Civil have been reviewing CCTV recordings to see if firming that she had been murdered. The anybody can be identified. The turron factories in Jijona are Guardia Civil in Cartagena are leading the now increasing production to make up for the large amount investigation. that was stolen.

Big weevil penalties

Alicante Council is threaten­ ing massive fines if home own­ ers don’t remove trees that are infected with palm weevil.

Penalties range between 3 thousand Euros rising up 120 thousand Euros if the Vegetable Law is broken with people failing to obey the rules to try to stop the weevil plague.

The cost of removing an infect­ ed palm tree, including a truck to take it away in Alicante City, is around 500 Euros.

Indian summer Last month has been confirmed as Murcia’s warmest October since records began in the 1940’s. Both the night­ time minimum and day­ time temperatures were record breakers.

Nationally, October was warmer than normal; an average 2 degrees warmer than the aver­ age for the month, and in some parts of Spain

an average 3 degrees warmer.

In Alicante Province, it was a similar picture, with temperatures the warmest since records began in Alicante City back in 1930, with the lowest recorded rainfall since the early 1970’s.

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Friday Sunny High 23 Low 16° Chance of rain 0% Monday Sunny High 23 Low 11° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Sunny High 24° Low 11° Chance of rain 0%

Saturday Partly cloudy High 23° Low 13° Chance of rain 41% Wednesday Sunny High 23° Low 11° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Cloudy High 24° Low 12° Chance of rain 0% Thursday Sunny High 20° Low 10° Chance of rain 0%

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Friday, November 8, 2013

LEST WE FORGET Alicante’s British Consul, Paul Rodwell, will be amongst the people who will be remembering those who have fallen in two World Wars and other conflicts, in this Sunday’s Annual Service of Remembrance organised by the Orihuela Costa Branch of the Royal British Legion.

This years’ service will be held in Mil Palmeras, at the Capilla de las Mil Palmeras(next to the Olympia Restaurant), and if you are interesting in going, then the organisers would like you to be seated in the church at 10.30am.

There will be a parade of national flags and standards led by the

Torrevieja Pipes and Drums. The serv­ ice will be conducted by the Rev. Terry Baxter and The Phoenix band will accompany the hymns, which will also feature a solo performance by Rebecca Holt.

After the service, wreaths will be laid

by Paul Rodwell, and the RBL District Chairman, Chris Wyatt, along with var­ ious other dignitaries and organisa­ tions. Remembrance Crosses will also be available to be laid for people’s indi­ vidual commemorations.

For more information on the Orihuela Costa branch and directions, you can look at their website www.orihuela­ costarbl.com

Orihuela siege

SIMPLES

Benidorm’s Mundomar nature park has seen the birth of their first baby meerkat. It took a few days for park staff to realise that some­ thing was up as the meerkat’s mum took shelter in her den to give birth, with the youngster stay­ ing with her to be breastfed. The baby is already said to be attract­ ing a lot of interest from the rest of the park’s meerkats!

A man who threatened to blow up his mother and her part­ ner was arrested in Orihulea City last Thursday (October 31st). The 47 year old took the two people hostage and is believed to be a schizophrenic.

Officers broke into the home in the early hours of the morn­ ing after the woman managed to phone the police, who then released the hostages, whilst the man had shut himself in another room. The man resisted and knocked an officer unconscious for a very short time whilst he tried to knife the other policeman. They overcame him and took him into cus­ tody, and then a court appearance last Friday.

Authorities recovered the explosive device along with a wide variety of weapons as well as computer hard drives and instructions on how to make guns and bombs.

EVEN MORE BRITS PLEASE

Valencia’s tourism minister, Max Buch, has said that we wants even more British tourists going on holiday to the Costa Blanca.

Addressing London’s annual World Trade Market, Buch said that the Costa Blanca should offer a wide range of holi­ days to tempt visitors from the UK all year round, be it a tra­ ditional beach vacation, through to holidays based on food and wine, through to sports. The Market was told that the Costa Blanca accounts for 20% of the whole of foreign tourism to Spain, with 2 million British visitors leading the international pack. 44% of foreign tourists staying in Alicante Province are British, with the average stay pitched at 13 days.

Ryanair plays catch up EASY HORSE MAKE IT SIX

The Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre in Rosales has opened up their sixth charity shop, and somewhat appropri­ ately it’s in their own backyard of Rosales. The shop is based in the indoor market next to the Town Hall, and was officially opened by Rosales Mayor, Antonio Perez. He was presented with a copy of “Faith – Diary of a Heroic Horse” which is now available in Spanish and will be sold here in Spain and the USA where there are many Spanish speaking residents.

Faith is the first horse in Spain to be fitted with a prosthetic leg and her diary is written by Sue Weeding, co­founder of the Rescue Centre.

Pushing and shoving with people trying to sprint “Usain Bolt­like” to get the best seats is going to be a thing of the past for Ryanair passengers. From February next year, the lost cost carrier will allocate seating at a cost of 5 Euros ­ with passengers not paying being allocated seats 24 hours before their departure. Ryanair's change of policy claims to come after listening to feedback from customers.

Ryanair’s CEO, Michael O’Leary, said: "Ryanair is pleased to announce that from 1 February 2014 will move to fully allo­ cated seating on all Ryanair flights, making the boarding process smoother, and enabling families or other groups to ensure that they sit together."

The low cost operator will now catch up with other compa­ nies like Jet2.com who have always reserved seats for all of their passengers.

A bunch of unsavoury characters spent last Saturday evening chasing people around Santiago de la Ribera, but it wasn’t a bunch of drunks spoiling the night.

It was San Javier’s first Zombie Walk! Over 300 partici­ pants filled the streets which had an eerie atmosphere as terrifying zombies chased screaming runners, many of whom were wearing Halloween costumes. The potential vic­ tims set off just as dusk was falling, after being penned into a caged area to avoid “contamination” from the zombies.

The 5 kilometre run was over all manner of obstacles, including old cars covered in mattresses; car wrecks; over

tyres; through tunnels and tubes; up climbing frames and between swinging tyres, while at the same time swerving the ghastly looking zombies which lurked around every corner.

The runners were given four “lives” in the form of tassels hanging from a belt, and the object was to reach the final with at least one life left.

The zombies who grabbed the most “lives” won a prize, so the task was well fought, and runners had to outmaneuver their chasers. A shorter 2.5 km route was designed for chil­ dren. The novel event was organized by the San Javier Sports Centre.

Walking dead hit San Javier

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Friday, November 8, 2013

Hash gang smashed National Police agents have smashed a gang who were planning to distribute over 4 tons of hashish. 14 Spaniards and Moroccans were arrested across Spain, including Murcia, in addition to Malaga, Almerica, and Cuenca. In an on­going operation, four of those arrested were collared in a Murcia shopping centre last July where they were going to distribute 1.5

ECLIPSED

tons of hashish that had been imported from Morocco.

OFF THE STREET

Murcia City has declared war on prosti­ tution, with the police and other services distributing multi­lingual leaflets in a spe­ cial week­long campaign that finishes tomorrow. After this weekend, laws will be strictly enforced which will include fines of up to 3 thousand Euros, and even greater penalties if business is conducted close to schools and other areas which are populat­ ed by children.

Spruce up for Tabarca

FUMING MAD

Daya Nueva residents are up in arms over the burning of garden waste on a munici­ pal rubbish site. People who live around Calle Miguel de Cervantes have complained to the Guardia Civil that the Mayor, Maria Teresa Martinez, did not have the authority to allow the burning to take place which is some 20 metres away from their homes. They’ve also fumed about what they say are obnoxious smells that have wafted around their houses directly as a result of the waste being burned.

Q for quality

Skygazers had plenty to look at last Sunday lunchtime with the treat of a partial solar eclipse. Good viewing conditions meant that the eclipse could be viewed just after 1.00pm for around 90 seconds, with a 40% eclipse visible again in Spain in the spring of 2015. Astronomers and casual viewers gathered in areas across the region like Torrevieja (pictured) and Orihuela to enjoy the occasion.

Tabarca island is going to become a petrol and diesel car free zone as electric cars are phased in from next year. The tourist attraction will fea­ ture new paths and trails which are going to be created from 2014, as well as new viewpoints and restoration work on the church of St Peter and St Paul.

HEALTHIER ACCESS

Pedestrians are to get a big boost with the building of a footbridge crossing the N332 at the Regia Urbanisation next to Cabo Roig on the Orihuela Costa.

The work will be completed at the start of next year with a budget of a quarter of a mil­ lion Euros. Coastal councillor Martina Scheurer said that one of the big bonuses would be that the new bridge would allow many older people to use it to visit La Regia health centre.

Ye olde Elche Smoother surface Motorists are going to have a better driving experi­ ence around the centre of Almoradi, after the council started work on smoothing out the roads. 17 thousand Euros is being spent on patching up pot holes, as well as improving pave­ ments.

20 thousand more people enjoyed Elche’s Medieval Festival compared to last year. The 9 day long event, which ended last Sunday, attracted over 155 thousand people, and has run for 18 years.

San Fulgencio’s Tourist Information office has been given top marks by the Calidad Turística Española (Institute for Spanish Tourism). The tourist office has been awarded a “Q” for offering the highest possible quality service, including delivering a good experience to everybody that uses it.

YOU CAN’T TRUST ANYBODY

Two policemen from the island of Ibiza have been arrested on suspicion of stealing nearly 1 million Euros. The crooked cops were taken into custody after allegedly stealing the money from the headquarters of Matutes, a holding company founded by ex­Spanish Foreign Affairs Minister Abel Matutes.

The theft took place on the night of October 25th with the two officers ransacking the company safe, but last Sunday, the police found the money and returned it to the ex­minister.

He in turn has donated 100 thousand Euros to the National Police Orphan Foundation as a big thank you.

EX ACCUSED

The 60 year old ex­partner of a woman who was found tied up in an Alicante city garage has been arrested by the National Police. The woman was found in the garage last week by a neighbour, and the arrested man is being accused of threatening to kill her unless she dropped a law suit against him for alleged abuse. Two men apparently were involved in tying the woman up in a garage on Calle Mexico.

ALL BULL

GET IT DONE

Elche’s Martinez Valero stadium is facing closure unless the La Liga club does some essential improve­ ments. Elche City Council has given the club a 15 day deadline which expires on November 22nd to make good on its promises in regard to key safety measures. The council says the work has not been done and therefore the stadium would lose its licence to stage public events. The club has asked for an extension to the deadline, with a package of improvements being promised, including improving the state of the toilets.

LONG STRETCH

The Spanish Senate in Madrid has approved the classifi­ cation of bullfighting as part of the country’s historical her­ itage. That means that the controversial sport is enshrined as something of cultural significance. The move came about after Congress was presented with a 600 thousand signature An Alicante Court has sentenced murderer Karl Heinz to petition sponsored by the Bullfighting Federation in Cataluña, 18 years in jail. The German man had been found guilty a who were prompted into action after the Catalan Parliament fortnight ago of killing his 62 year old ex­girlfriend in a bar banned the sport in the region. they ran in Campoverde, Pilar de la Horadada.

Friday, November 8, 2013

NO MORE NOU

The Valencian Government has pulled the plug on the region’s public TV and radio services. After 24 years of broadcasting, Nou and Nou24 are to be closed along with Radio Nou. This followed a Valencia High Court ruling on Tuesday that a thou­ sand employees of the RTTV broadcaster had been wrongly sacked in drastic cost cutting measures. The dramatic move from the government means that the Valencia region becomes the only part of Spain without a pan­ regional public TV service.

Valencian President, Alberto Fabra said in a news confer­ ence on Wednesday that the clo­ sure was “non­negotiable” and was the hardest decision that he had made in his two years in office.

Fabra stressed that his priority was to pro­ vide high quality health and education serv­ ices to the five million strong Valencian com­ munity, and that the cost of finding 40 million Euros to re­employ the 1000 sacked employees was a non­starter. He added that he would not close a school or a hospital to continue funding a public television service.

Nou and Nou 24 had recently been re­

launched with new logos and a streamed­ down staff, with new programming set to be provided by independent producers. RTTV had been criticised in the past for wasting money including an expensive contract for televising Formula One Grand Prix races, which were already avail­ able on other free­to­view Spanish channels like La Sexta.

It’s not clear whether the current channels will be made available for commer­ cial broadcasters to offer new services or for a future new re­constituted public chan­ nel. Workers plan to keep Nou going whilst legal and political measures are taken to close down the services, though unions claim that two months is more than enough to legally over­ turn the Government decision. Two commer­ cial channels, Metropolitan TV and TV Mediterraneo continue to broadcast on the same platform, but are largely filled with info­ commercials and late night tarot card read­ ers. More locally based news services are available on different channels on lower power like Vega Baja TV, Alicanti TV, and Unica TV.

201 NOT OUT FOR SANTA POLA

History buffs can learn all about the last 200 years of Santa Pola in a special exhi­ bition that’s running for the rest of the month. The council’s department of culture has put together the display that looks at the area’s history since it gained independ­ ence from Elche in 1812. It’s being held at the Exhibition Hall of la Orden Tercera de San José (Third order of San José) until December 1st.

TOWERING VIEW

Elche’s Vaillos tower has officially been opened for visitors to climb to get an impressive view of the city’s palm trees. The structure, built in the 15th century, was a look­out tower monitoring incur­ sions from Barbary and Ottoman pirates. Elche council carried out exten­ sive renovation work on the building, including major improvements to the staircase.

Inaki’s problems mount A court has impounded 16 properties belong­ ing to the son­in­ law of King Juan Carlos in a corrup­ tion case that con­ tinues to embar­ rass the royal fam­ ily. The Mallorca judge ordered the seizure of proper­ ties owned by Inaki Urdangarin, husband of the king's daughter Cristina, to cover a 6 million Euro bond for his liabili­ ty in the case. The court is investigating accusations

that Urdangarin, an ex­ Olympic handball player, and his former business

partner Diego Torres embez­ zled 6 million Euros in public funds.

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Friday, November 8, 2013

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

Mayor who doesn’t care I NOTE that at long last the local newspapers covering the Costa Blanca South have taken notice of the dreadful neglect of Orihuela Costa and the awful state of the streets.

Residents and tourists alike have suffered the smells and plagues of flies emerging from the huge piles of garden waste that have spent the summer rotting on virtually every urbanisation on Orihuela Costa.

I want to know what we pay our local taxes for. The state of the streets would disgust the most poverty­stricken third world coun­ tries. I was under the impression that Spain was a modern country with high standards of hygiene. This seems to be true of every area other

than Orihuela Costa, which is treated as the dustbin of the Orihuela Council.

It’s totally disgusting that the Mayor has the utter audacity to put the blame on local residents rather than doing his job and making sure the rubbish is properly collected.

It is the sign of the Mayor's utter contempt for the large non­Spanish community that live on the coast.

Nowhere else has to suffer such third­rate treatment and in no other area are residents blamed for the utter incompetence of the local coun­ cil.

I think the situation is sufficiently disgraceful to involve our MEP! SAM MOIS, Orihuela Costa

A 7-YEAR DOSE OF SUMA TIME BLUES I THINK I can go one better than Barry Weston (Hacienda Cash and Grab Fiasco, Issue 141).

Having lived here for nine years as non­residents, we have always ensured our utility bills were set up as direct debits knowing any mail regarding the bills would be deliv­ ered to our Spanish address during our absence. Never any problems.

I even felt smug when reading Donna’s column as we had everything arranged nicely. Or so we thought.

We arrived back here early September and were very sur­ prised to notice there was no SUMA notification in the post.

We waited till the end of September but still nothing taken from our bank account. So at the beginning of October we visited the small Town Hall office on the urb and the young man there immediately rang the San Fulgencio office.

Once the conversation had finished he told us as we had had some work done to enlarge our house, a new SUMA amount had to be assessed by the office in Guardamar (not even our area!)

I did inform him that we had indeed had some building work done but it was all legal, even some fees had been refunded by San Fulgencio Council with the final certificate and we had been advised everything was completed and there was nothing else we needed to do. I also told him this was in 2006!

We asked if we could pay cash there and then for the 2013 SUMA, at the existing rate. No, not possible. We have to wait until SUMA send us notification of how much the new rate will be plus the differences for all the years since the work was done!

I asked him how long we will have to wait – another seven years? He said just wait!.

So now we have to make sure our bank account will have enough funds in it to cover the outstanding amount, whatever it may be, and at the same time try to make sure there isn’t too much money in it just in case the Spanish government decide to start withdrawals similar to Cyprus!

Naturally we have informed our Fiscal Representative about this, hoping we won’t be charged late payment fees as well!

ANN PATERSON

DON’T FORGET, WE NEED YOUR DETAILS Letters and emails will only be considered for publication if an address and contact number are provided to confirm authenticity

THE COURIER MAN­ AGEMENT DOES NOT NECESSARILY AGREE WITH THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THE LETTERS ON THIS PAGE

Owners of killer dog must be punished AFTER reading the article about the 'demon dog' in La Marina, it staggers me that this clearly dangerous Alsatian was allowed to remain with its owners after killing a Yorkshire Terrier in July 2012.

While it could be argued that it was a one­off attack, any sensible owner would have muzzled the Alsatian subsequently, if only for their own peace of mind. For the dog to be allowed onto the street again unmuzzled is unforgiveable.

The authorities have a lot to answer for after failing to take action after the 2012 attack, but have a chance to redem themselves. The Alsatian’s owners must be suitably punished and, above all, NEVER allowed to own a dog again. They are an utter disgrace and will surely have infuriated every animal lover in the community.

Little Louie's owner has taken the loss of her pet remarkably well. But imagine the consequences for every­ one if Louie had been a child and not a dog...

BARKING MAD (name supplied), Guardamar

Friday, November 8, 2013

I'VE been a football fan since I was nine – legacy of having Cardiff City's best player as a neighbour and his son among my childhood friends.

But, like most women in the land of our fathers, I get more pleasure watching Wales thump England at rugby. Which is why I'll be cheering the REAL men on against South Africa tomorrow evening at my local in El Raso.

With apologies to those of you who don't like sport, I feel compelled to write about the shambolic decline of what they used to call the Beautiful Game. These days it’s more like the Pitiful Game with the players too rich and too cocky, respect for officials non­existent, and rival fans increasingly antagonistic towards each other.

Just take a look at how rugby players and fans behave and you’ll realise in an instant just how pathetic football administration is.

The ever­increasing influence of Sky TV’s bottomless pit of money has exposed how far adrift football is of other mainstream sports.

While rugby, tennis and cricket eagerly moved into the 21st century by adopting all the trimmings of modern technology, foot­ ball's heads­in­the­sand fuddy duddies have consistently rejected the use of Hawkeye or any other system to assist referees in mak­ ing correct decisions.

As for the foul­mouthed, overpaid boot­ brains on the field, they dispute every deci­ sion, swear at each other, hurl obscenities at the referee and water the pitch with endless emissions of saliva.

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Foul face of the Beautiful Game

The logical way to deal with the rampant dissent is for the dissenters to be dispatched to wash their mouths out in an early bath. But common sense is not a commodity football’s administrators possess, so players will no doubt continue to abuse referees with impunity. I've seen it so often – player com­ mits foul, referee awards free kick, offender's

game – the penalty alone is severe enough to be a deterrent.

Rugby referees can reverse decisions, move the restart nearer to the dissenting side's try line, and sin­bin or red card any player who steps out of line.

Common sense says that if football intro­ duced similar laws, the discipline problem would be cleared up instantly. Instead, our TV screens continue to be bombarded with close­ups of players mouthing words that are, you might say, obscene and not heard.

BAWL IN THE GAME: It will make a pleasant change to watch Angry footballers take it European rugby champions Wales clash with out on the referee while South Africa in Cardiff tomorrow (6.30pm). (above) there’s no dis­ The 75,000 crowd will ooze booze but puting rugby decisions behave immaculately, there will be a mini­ face twists into a rage as he barks at official: mum of verbal or liquid emission from play­ “No way, you f***ing w*****.'' Referee smiles ers’ mouths ­ and only one man will be in charge. Oh, and video technology will ensure and whistles for play to restart.

What a difference in rugby union, where the referee also gets major decisions right.

If you fancy joining me and other rugby real men and real respect go hand in hand.

Answer the referee back, and even 6ft 10in fans at Sofia's Bar in El Rosa to watch the monsters are for the high jump. I've yet to game o TV, there’s free food at half­time see a rugby player swear during a televised (Welsh rarebit, I reckon). Kick­off is at 18.30.

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Friday, November 8, 2013

Friday, November 8, 2013

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Friday, November 8, 2013

GRAND SLAM AT THE PUB

THE pub discussion group adjourned early the other evening for a rather special social occasion. Yes, for one night only it was Daft Barry's birthday bash.

Daft Barry beats the drum for his birthday every year.

Well. that isn't quite true because in 2012 he and his adoring mum went away on holiday (leaving his drum behind) and, in all the excite­ ment of enjoying their vaca­ tion, both had forgotten that it was Barry's big day.

The dilemma this year was whether to stick the requisite number of candles on Barry's birthday cake or leave one off because he hadn't had a cake in 2012.

'It's not rocket science,' said Dave the barman. 'Why not just place one token can­ dle on the cake? Daft Barry will be so caught up in the occasion that he won't notice.'

'But there's a problem there,' I pointed out. 'A single candle might prompt Daft Barry to realise that he didn't have a birthday party last year and therefore he'll get

upset at having missed it.'

Dave the barman scratched his head. 'But how could he possibly remember what he never had in the first place?

And therefore how would he miss something that he missed?'

Indoor Lou slammed his palm on the bar.

'Enough!'

As the sanest mem­ ber of our pub discussion g r o u p , Indoor Lou claimed the sole right to slam his palm on the bar a n d shout

'Enough!' dentally, to slam his palm on What he didn't have the that part of the bar on which right to do was, albeit acci­ lay the sleeping head of Ol' Red Eyes who was taking his customary evening nap. The oldest member of our group also napped in the pub every morning, afternoon and also overnight because he'd forgotten where he lived.

'Enough!' croaked Ol' Red Eyes, slowly opening his peep­ ers and making a lethargic attempt to slam his own palm on the bar. 'Who just hit me in the head?'

'Enough!' shouted Indoor Lou again, unwittingly slamming his palm on Ol' Red Eyes' now fully­ conscious bonce.

A t t h a t point,

another of our pub regulars entered the premises.

Surveying the scene, Fag Ash Bill queried: 'So what's the score here, then?'

'Indoor Lou is currently beating Ol' Red Eyes 2­1 in the slamming stakes,' I replied.

Indoor Lou leaped onto the counter. 'Your attention please!' he demanded. 'Once again I find myself involved with a group of crazy people.

I really don't know why I both­ er with such a mindless set of morons.'

'Who is this person?' asked Fag Ash Bill who pointed a nicotine­stained finger at the guy we knew as Indoor Lou but who was a complete stranger to Fag Ash Bill.

I feel I should explain here that although earlier I described Fag Ash Bill as a pub regular, he rarely entered the tavern. An enthu­ siastic cigarette smoker, he would hang around outside the hostelry rather than light up inside and thus be thrown out for breaking the law.

In fine weather we would

send him out an ash tray so he could avoid littering the pavement. But when outdoor conditions were inclement he would flick his embers and dog­ends into the wind in the forlorn hope that the tobacco debris would be conveyed through the air to the nearest litter bin.

Anyway, as Indoor Lou stormed out of the pub (as always, we knew he'd be back), Fag Ash Bill ordered a drink 'to go' and asked what all the fuss was about.

'We're getting ready for Daft Barry's birthday bash.

He'll be here soon,' said Dave the barman.

Fag Ash Bill sniffed with disdain. 'That Daft Barry conned me last year. I asked him if he and his mother would get me 400 duty­free fags while he was away on holiday. Would you believe the ciggies cost me MORE than I pay at my tobacconists here in Greater Manchester.'

'I can well believe it,' said Indoor Lou as he re­entered the pub. 'Daft Barry and his mum spent their week's vacation in Blackpool.'

Friday, November 8, 2013

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Friday, November 8, 2013

HOW MY DAD MADE ME A DOG LOVER

Today would have been my Dad's 78th birthday, but sadly he is no longer with us, having passed away five years ago. I remember when I was younger, Dad had an amazing imagination and I would love the bedtime stories he would tell me.

One of the true stories I was mesmerised with was the one about his dog. Dad was born and raised in Guyana, South America and each day after he finished school his faithful dog use to be there waiting for him:­ Every day without fail. I always remember thinking what an amazing relation­ ship they must have had and how I would love a dog of my very own when I grew up.

Now my wish has been granted, because I now have eight wonderful dogs of my own.

I know Dad really loved his dog and he was devastated one day when excitement got the better of his faithful friend. As his dog waited patiently across the road, he caught sight of my father coming out of the school and rushed across the road to be reunited, only to be hit by a car and killed. If I were to see this happen to one of my dogs now, I can't even put into words the effect it would have on me. I always think this incident damaged Dad for the rest of his life. Before he died, he knew three of my dogs, Billy and Lola, the German Shepherds and Pickle, the Border Collie. He loved them all and used to rave to people about how good they were. I had to leave Billy with Dad once, only for about half an hour, but when I came back you could see that Dad had spoilt

Billy rotten in that time, as Billy still had all the sauce from the sardines around his mouth!

Dogs are constantly in tune with our feelings and ALWAYS know how we are feeling. When my Dad died, I remember on at least five different occasions how I would be up at night and watching television. Now you must remember that Billy is officially the laziest German Shepherd in the world! His hobby is sleeping and always has been, and if he worked for the police they would have sacked him with­ in a week! On these five occasions, something would appear on the TV. In some cases it was a film or a piece of music that reminded me about Dad, as he was a film and music buff. I did not cry and I did not make a noise, but my emotions went from

normal to very sad. Every time this happened Billy would instantly wake up and not take his big brown eyes off me. He knew there had been a chemical change in me from good to bad. If this does not prove to you how dogs are constantly in tune with you then nothing ever will!

The night of my Dad's death, I remember hugging my Wife, Jean and crying. I will never forget the way Billy looked at me, tilting his head in concern and confusion at never seeing me in this state. The things that help you through the emotions of losing a loved one are differ­ ent, but if the truth be known, Billy helped me greatly.

Because when he looked at me that night when my emo­ tions where in so much tur­ moil, I always remember what my thoughts were ­ that

I had to hold it together for the sake of my dogs. Billy is not only my dog, but also my guardian angel. God bless you Dad and I miss you every day. Let’s hope you have another good story ready for me when we meet again. x I am available for consultations throughout the Costa Blanca region, if you are having problems with your furry best friend. To book a consultation you can email me at peter@thedogy­ ouneed.com and I will con­ tact you straight away. We have also set up an animal charity, where we help the most severely abused and injured animals in Spain. If you would be kind enough to donate anything to this spe­

cial cause you can do by PayPal, where the account details are peter@thedogy­ ouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60­16­03 and the account number is 73754900. Even one Euro will help, so please, please, try and support us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? ORLANDO is a 3 year old male crossbreed who was found sheltering & sleeping in a business premises yard.

He was a bit thin and had a sore eye which had been caused by a gun pellet; he is now a happy, healthy youngster longing to expe­ rience a loving home. He is fully vaccinated, micro chip­ ped and castrated. 966 710 047

Ziggy was found wandering in the campo, he is about 2yrs old. Ziggy was in a bad way when he was found and he is being nursed back to health but he has no shelter he is in a garden which is not secure he needs to be adop­ ted or we need foster urgently. He is a gentle loving dog gets on well with other dog. Please c a l l 650304746 Ziggy

Orlando Eric is a typical feisty gin­ ger who was found under a wood pile of a couple who live close to La Marina. He is about 8 weeks old, very lively, in fact a typical kitten.

He is very talkative and will let you know when he wants something. He is fine with other cats. Please con­ tact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Eric

Nina is around 11 months old and was dumped beside a road by her owners. She is very affectionate, sterili­ sed and negative for feline diseases. Call: 645 469 253 www.petsinspain.com

JAMIE was found wandering with a broken hip and he needed an operation. He is now fully recovered. He has been castrated, had all rele­ vant inoculations and has his own passport. CAN YOU GIVE HIM A GOOD HOME? PLEASE CALL LINDA ON 965725794 OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE: www.animalaid­ costablanca.org

Pasha is a happy, playful ginger and white boy born early September 2012 and has been neutered. To meet Pasha please call Joe (The Cat Man) on 966719272 or e­mail rojo.cats@yahoo.co.uk.

MARIO is a 10 month old male Yorkshire Terrier who was found wandering the streets of Torrevieja although he was in a good condition; sadly, he had no micro chip so it is then impossible to trace an owner. He is now fully vaccinated, micro chip­ ped and is due to be castra­ ted this week. 966 710 047

Nina

Jamie

Pasha

Mario

Friday, November 8, 2013

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Disappointed, angry, shocked, upset! These are just some of the feelings that came over me when I received something through the post last week.

The letter wasn´t even for me but for a friend who had given my address as their mail service was unreliable. I hadn´t wanted to open the envelope since I didn´t feel that it was my place but I phoned her straight away to be told to do so. I ripped along the cardboard strip and reached inside the large enve­ lope, bringing out two pieces of A4 paper, tinged a yellow colour, maybe to make it appear more official than aver­ age white and I began to read.

The heading of the letter caught my eye but I couldn´t speak these words down the telephone, not until I was absolutely sure. I slowly read out loud down the phone to my stunned friend. “I don´t believe it” was her shocked reply, and as I continued to read, I doubt­ ed the words that were coming out of my mouth could be the same ones written on this piece of paper. My friend and all of her friends were con­ vinced that this letter would bring good news, and even I had begun to think that maybe it was going to be fine, but we were all brought shockingly

Friday, November 8, 2013

FALSELY ACCUSED IN VISA REJECTION down to earth.

The contents related to my friend’s husband. He’s from Tunisia and they were plan­ ning on going to the UK for Christmas to see her parents.

They had gone so far as to book the tickets, and planning days out. Being Tunisian, her husband needs a visa to enter Britain even for a holiday and so a fortnight ago he went to the British embassy in Madrid to sort out the paperwork. He handed over everything he was asked for, and felt happy that it would be just a matter of time before his visa would arrive. There was a letter from my friend´s father stating how he was going to provide for them while they were there and how they were staying with him. They had the return flight details and even bank statements to prove they had money for the trip. That letter was kept along with his resi­ dencia and passport, giving my friend’s husband a false hope that if they didn´t need these details, then surely the processing of the visa would be a foregone conclusion. But, of course it wasn´t! The letter

that came to my house that day said that his visa had been refused. Neither my friend nor her husband have steady work here and so don´t have autonomo or contracts, and this was one of the reasons given for the refusal. This we could understand but the other reasons seemed to me to be excuses to make up the num­ bers.

The letter stated that there were no details about her fathers´ financial situation and how he could support them for the month that they wanted to stay, but the letter had includ­ ed a reassurance that this would be the case. How hard would it have been for the embassy to phone him and ask? They never took the bank statements provided and another reason was that there was no evidence of my friend and her husband’s finances, but this had been shown and ignored. The letter was blunt and, in my opinion, rude. My

friend’s husband was being accused outright of wanting to go to the UK to live there and that he would be seeking work there as his ties to Spain weren´t strong enough. I should mention that my friend has lived here over thirteen years. If that doesn´t prove that she can support herself and is happy here, then I´m not sure what does! The really sad part of this story concerns my friend´s parents. They are both in their seventies and her mum is afraid to fly, so coming here is not an option. The hardest part of this rejection is that her mum is very ill, which was pointed out on the appli­ cation form and in the letter from dad. The news that her son­in­law cannot come to see her has sent her health spi­ ralling downwards, which is the side of rejection that these people sat in offices making the decisions don´t see.

It is incredible that where you are from can dictate which

countries you can visit freely.

My son´s father is from Chile and he was able to enter the UK without needing a visa, because for some reason peo­ ple from Chile are different from those from Tunisia, even though it is much further away.

As I wrote a few weeks ago, your passport can dictate your future and we should count ourselves blessed that we can pretty much travel anywhere we want on a UK passport. My friend and her husband have remained strong throughout this huge setback: ­ they have appeared stronger than I know I would have. I know that they were only going for a month and that they would have been glad to get back to Spain. There is no way that they want to live in Britain and if they had they would have gone the right way about it. To be falsely accused is horren­ dous, but on the other hand, if they did want to stay in the UK would it be so bad? She is

British and he is her husband, so why shouldn´t he get the right to live there? When there are so many illegal immi­ grants in the UK, how dare some suit in an office call my friends liars and deny them access to her country of birth?

Because of course she isn´t going to go now, the UK has lost the money that they were going to spend when they were there. They obviously have enough when they can send trade fairs to Romania to entice workers who don´t even have to speak English!

Spain can be frustrating at times, and downright annoy­ ing at others, but they allowed my friend’s husband in and gave him his residencia within a month without problem. I don´t know what my friend will do now. She has to go and see her family but of course it will be tinged with the sadness of going alone on a trip that should have been a very spe­ cial holiday for two.

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Friday, November 8, 2013

STUFF THE EUROCRATS

Staying as an EU member is worth 3 thousand pounds to each UK household. That’s quite a statement and it comes with some sense courtesy of the business boss, John Cridland of the CBI. His organisation have commissioned a report that says the benefits of staying in the European Union sig­ nificantly outweigh any costs, especially as his

members do over half their trade with EU members.

That’s not to say that the CBI is happy with some of the things coming out of Brussels, but who is in any country? Cridland’s com­ ments offer a sensible bal­ ance to the hysteria that comes out of UKIP and the Murdoch UK press that scream and shout at any­ thing that has to do with the EU. It’s about time that

more intelligent and rational voices were heard and the consequences of a fool­ hardy exit from the UK’s biggest trading partner were examined in the very cold light of day.

Of course I’m angry about some of the stupidity and time wasting that goes on, with an over­bloated bureaucracy that has to be torn apart. Do you know for example that the European

Commission is technically bankrupt and that funds for payments could disappear any day now? Let it fall I say, and a slim­line accountable structure brought into place that many people across Europe would welcome. A structure that concentrates on what the EU should be about, and that is improving busi­ ness and trade across the region for the benefit of all the member states, rather than employing people who do nothing except to make up stupid rules of no conse­ quence that countries are forced to follow. The EU must be brought back to basics and if that happens, its opponents will have nothing of value to say.

Some of Britain’s low­ est paid workers could see a boost to their pay packets if Ed Miliband wins the next election. Under his idea, firms would be able to clam back a third of the costs of raising their staff wages to the so­called “liv­

q

ing wage” level, which could amount to a lift of as much as a thousand pounds a year. This sounds very nice and Labour claim that this could be funded by increased tax revenues and reduced benefit claims, but have they really done sums on just the back of a fag packet? Businesses will only be able to claim back some of the money for just a year and their costs will shoot up from the very out­ set! This piece of wonder­

land politics just doesn’t add up, and surely the best way to create more well paid jobs is to give industry a good economy, rather than what will turn out to be a cheap gimmick, which like National Insurance, is just a plain old fashioned tax on jobs? It’s like going back to the bad old days of Harold Wilson, which still sends a shiver down my spine, and we all know what happened then, don’t we?

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Friday, November 8, 2013

Tony

HE ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO SHOUT ABOUT

Mayes TWO-FACED POLITICIANS STRIKE AGAIN

HYPOCRITES. That's what I call those MPs who are continually banging on about high energy prices when they know full well that out of the average UK annual energy bill, which is around £1,350, the Government takes £189 in tax.

They also know that the average profit energy compa­ nies make is around 5% and that's far less than the profit made by insurance compa­ nies, pay­day loan compa­ nies, mobile phone compa­ nies, commercial TV compa­ nies, etc., etc. We keep hear­ ing about the growing num­ ber of people in Britain who can no longer afford to feed themselves because their pay hasn't gone up while prices have, or because ben­ efits have been cut or capped. Yes, things may be tougher than in the past, but these hard done­by Brits would really have something to complain about if they received in benefits only that which they had paid into the system, or if it ended or was drastically reduced after

some months of claiming, as happens in so many other countries. And how many of these "poor hard­working families now unable to make ends meet," which we hear so much about from hypocrit­ ical politicians in the lead up to the election, are actually that hard up? How many of them have their mobile phones constantly on the go, have Sky TV with all the add­ ons, smoke, gamble, and go to the pub or buy cans or bot­ tles in off­licences or super­ markets and then profess not to be able to feed and clothe their kids properly?

It reminds me of the situa­ tion in the 19th century, when men used to leave work on a Friday with a pay packet in hand, stop off at the boozer on the way home, drink them­ selves senseless and then were unable to hand their wives sufficient money to last the week. It was in those times that the Salvation Army was born to try to get people away from the demon drink.

For many families in the UK today, it isn't too different, and that's probably why there are

so many going to the food banks, which have spiralled all over Britain. Is it a case of well­meaning but naive chari­ ty workers working their socks off to help people who can't or most than likely won't help themselves? And is it a case of politicians (and you know which party I'm talking about) latching onto a prob­ lem which has been blown out of all proportion. Answer me this one simple question.

If life was so tough in Britain, why are so many immigrants clamouring to get in, risking life to cross the Mediterranean and hiding in lorries to cross the Channel?

Politicians ­ get real and quit the hypocrisy and stop feed­ ing the BBC and the Daily Mirror with crap for the con­ sumption of the ignorant. And politicians' hypocrisy doesn't end there, because it's just been revealed that they have been up to their usual tricks, claiming huge amounts of money to pay electricity and gas bills on their second homes. A plague of curses on all of them. The way that politicians have been bang­

ing on about energy prices would have made you think that everyone was outraged and were switching suppliers every five minutes.

The fact is that the number of people switching has actu­ ally halved in the past two years. Yes, people may be dissuaded because it's com­ plicated and the actual bene­ fits of switching are obscure, but if people were that con­ cerned they would be switch­ ing far more than they are. So could it actually be that most people, apart from the rabid leftie brigade, are actually of the opinion that their energy bills are actually reasonable value for money?

Drinking is good for you...very good for you, and that's official. Now, before you go rushing down to the nearest bar to down pints of beer or glasses of wine, I don't mean alcohol. I mean pure, simple water, remember, the stuff which drops from the sky and comes out of the taps. Last week we had to rush our cat to the vets because of kidney failure, and that could have been caused by someone putting poison down to kill fer­ als, or our cat not drinking enough. We don't know the cause, but after being on a saline drip for a few days he's now over the worst and the kidneys are functioning prop­ erly. Drinking plenty is impor­ tant for our cat, and it's just as important for all of us. Take a look at the two pictures of Sarah Smith, aged 42, who used to drink the equivalent of a pint of water a day ­ a cup of tea at breakfast time, a glass of water at lunch and another with her dinner. She thought it was enough, but she suffered headaches and poor digestion and the med­ ical experts diagnosed not

q

loads of pills ­ but more water, at least double and perhaps three times what she was drinking. But getting rid of the headaches and the tummy cramps was not the only dra­ matic effect ­ just take a look at the pictures. Water helped rid the skin of many of the wrinkles and took about 10 years off her age. Forget all those nourishing creams and other stuff women spend a fortune on ­ just have a few more glasses of water a day and see and feel the differ­ ence. Sarah said: "I am 42, but have to admit I look more like 52 in the picture, which is shocking. There are dark shadows under and around my eyes, which make me look exhausted, a profusion of wrinkles and strange red­ dish blotches, and my skin lacks any lustre. It looks dead. My daughters, Alice, eight, and Betty, four, tell me I look 'about 100 years old' in this photograph and I have to agree. Even my lips look shrivelled. This is all classic evidence of poor hydration, apparently. Every system and function in our body depends on water. It flushes toxins from the vital organs, carries nutrients to cells, provides a moist environment for ear, nose and throat tissues, and eliminates waste. Not drink­ ing enough means all these

functions become impaired."

I now turn to the most seri­ ous news story of the week: ­ bad weather across Europe has cut wine production and we're in for a global wine shortage. The world is appar­ ently 300 million cases short in 2012 and you can bet your bottom dollar that we will see prices soaring very soon.

Sarah, and many others will be having to drink more water instead!

The story which got up my nose the most in the last week concerned a public servant in Australia who, on a business trip, had sex in a motel room, grabbed a light flex at the height of passion and brought the light down on her, injuring her nose, mouth and damaged a tooth.

What did this barmy woman do? She took litigation cul­ ture to new heights by trying to sue her employer ­ because she was on federal government business at the time of the "accident"! The judge took no time in putting this madam in her place ­ by pointing out that having sex in her motel room was not part of official government business. Moral of this story ­ don't have sex with this woman or women like her ­ they might try to sue you if something goes wrong!

Heaven help us men!

q

Friday, November 8, 2013

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Friday, November 8, 2013

Cosmetic Surgery Finding the Right Surgeon Cosmetic procedures are intended to enhance and improve our appearance and help to boost our self­esteem.

Choosing the right surgeon for your needs is essential as is the decision about what procedure is most suitable for you. Many of us go to great lengths to choose the best hairdresser or dentist and we do this in a variety of ways including internet, maga­ zines, newspapers, recommendation from friends etc. Some patients make their choice and simply go along with whatever the sur­ geon suggests even if that may not neces­ sarily what they really want, or even need and sometimes feel pressurised into making a quick decision or , in some cases parting with a deposit before they are fully happy with their decision.

Things we should consider when choosing our Cosmetic surgeon are. What are the qualifications, how long have they been doing the job, are they a member of a recog­ nised professional body, what insurance cover do they have, what aftercare provision is provided, where will the operation take place, will the surgeon I saw for my consul­ tation actually perform my surgery, how do the costs compare, is the surgeon up to date with new techniques and technology, is all the written information in the language I am

most comfortable with, does the surgeon actually speak my language, are all the con­ sent forms in a language I understand? A multitude of questions and potential pitfalls.

Who can really help you in your quest for the correct choice? Independent Cosmetic Surgery Advisors are there to help you.

Because they are independent they do not have to recommend any particular place or person but they can certainly help you to make the right choice for you without pres­ sure or bias. As truly experienced and caring professionals normally form a medical or aesthetic background they can help you to get through the mound of information and direct you to the things that are really impor­ tant to you as an individual.

If you are considering Cosmetic Surgery you might find it helpful to have a meeting with our Independent Cosmetic Surgery Advisor and then when you are ready to meet your surgeon you will be in a much bet­ ter position to ask the right questions to get the right answers and make the right choice for you.

To arrange to see our Independent Advisor call or email us today for your confi­ dential appointment.

Email simply18es@hotmail.com or call 667817546

ARE YOU DRINKING ENOUGH WATER?

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

In recent times, the trend with public health care has been one of rising costs and falling standards, and with today’s economic out­ look, this trend is only set to continue. And so it’s important we do the best we can to keep our health supreme. And the most powerful step you can take to give your health a boost is to drink enough water.

Many people I speak to during diagnostic scans confess that they don’t drink enough water or not at all. When thirsty, they would rather drink tea, cof­ fee, fizzy drinks, wine, gin tonic and water, wine and water….

Any drink but plain water. The truth is that many of them have lost the taste for pure water to the detriment of their health. The fact is, without adequate water, your body will not function optimally.

Water is known as the uni­ versal solvent, and makes up over 65% of your body.

Your blood is composed of blood cells suspended in liquid plasma. And over 90% of plasma is made of water. The body relies on thousands of different chemical compounds in the form of nutrients, enzymes, hormones, peptides, and many other chemicals, in order to function properly – and most of these chemi­ cals can only reach the cells and tissues when dis­ solved in water. More importantly, water is neces­ sary for the elimination of toxic wastes from the body.

You may not realise it, but even some natural healthy

foods you consume are laden with toxins. But you are saved from the terrible effects of such toxins by the detoxification system of your liver and intestines.

These organs break down and repackage toxic wastes into manageable compounds which are easi­ ly dissolved in water, and can then be carried out of the body through the uri­ nary system. When you don’t drink enough water toxins start to accumulate in different parts of your

body and with time this leads to inflammation and chronic disorders.

Furthermore, when you do not drink enough water, your kidneys are put under severe stress, and become unable to perform their function, and this may ulti­ mately cause chronic disor­ der. Ideally you should drink at least 1.5 litres of water a day.

FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN – CALL DR MANNU ON­ 965071745

Edition 8

OFFERS OF THE MONTH

2

Friday, November 8, 2013

A licence to drive you crazy Courier reader MIKE JOBBINS discovers that Trafico is not exactly terrifico when it comes to switching your driving documentation HAVING read numerous letters and articles about driving on a EU licence in Spain and exchanging your UK licence for a Spanish one, thus avoiding being fined by the Guardia Civil for not conforming to their laws, I would like to share our experiences in obtaining our Spanish licences.

On March 27th, 2013 my wife and I employed the services of a gentleman to apply on our behalf at Trafico (Alicante) for Spanish driving licences, surrendering our UK licences and giving him all the necessary documentation.

As my licence expired on the 20th July 2013 (the day before my 70th birthday) I thought I would give myself plenty of time to obtain it. (First Mistake) My birthday came and went but I still hadn’t heard or received my licence from Trafico and so we contacted trhe gentleman who made the appli­ cations for us.

He attended Trafico on the 2nd August 2013 some 4 months after the applications were made and was informed that the DVLA Swansea had not sent the neces­ sary information through.

I then contacted the DVLA Swansea through their web site, sent them an email and received an email back from them within 2 days informing me that they had not received a request from Trafico for any information about our driving licences, but I needed a D737 Certificate for Trafico, which gave them Confirmed details of our GB Driving Licences.

They also informed me that they could either post them to me or send them by fax, as for security reasons they would not send them by email and that there was a fee of £5.00 for each certificate.

I opted to have them sent by fax at a cost of £10.00 so as to speed up the process, for we all know how long Don Quixote’s donkey takes to deliver the post out here (if ever)

The D737 certificates arrived on the 28th August and I again arranged with our Gentleman to take them up to Trafico on the 1st September 2013, some 5 months after the initial application, and thought that would be an end to it.

(Second Mistake) On the afternoon of the 1st September I received a phone call from our man up at the Trafico Office to tell me that Trafico stamped the certificates “ No valido “ and would not accept the faxed copies. I would have to contact the DVLA again and request that they post copies of the D737 Certificates direct to Trafico; I did this and then retired to a darkened room to recover my senses.

My advice to anyone contemplating changing their UK driving licence over to a Spanish one Is DO NOT RELY ON TRAFICO to do what they are sup­ posed to do?

In the first instance contact the DVLA in Swansea and for

the sake of £5 ask them to send you the D737 Certificate and then with all the other documenta­ tion take it all to Trafico.

Today Tuesday 29th October 2013 I eventually received my Spanish Driving Licence just 7 months after I first applied for it and just 3 months after my UK licence expired.

Unfortunately, Trafico failed to send me instruc­ tions with the Licence, so if someone could enlighten me to the fact that now I have a SPAN­ ISH DRIVING LICENCE does this mean that I have to drive like the Spanish?

For Example:­ • Drive everywhere at 140 km an hour!

• Tailgate all the other drivers on the road!

• Never have to use my indicators again!

• Ignore all stop signs!

• Drive up a one way street the wrong way!

• Park anywhere I like, including pedestrian crossings, pavements and disabled spaces!

• Ignore people who are on pedestrian cross­ ings and Aim for them!

• Overtake other vehicles on the inside as well as outside!

• Stay in the wrong lane on roundabouts and cut other drivers up exiting it!

• Use my mobile phone whilst driving!

• Drive around the urbanizations at 1­00 am/2­00 am with my windows down and my CD player thumping out so called music, to make sure that those people in bed are awake.

• Stop for breakfast at my local Spanish bar/cafe and have a couple of beers, coffee and brandy to wash it down and then drive on, never having to worry about being stopped by the Guardia Civil anymore!

• And finally should I take the words COURTEOUS and CONSIDERATE out of my vocabulary when driving in Spain.

Mike (Alonso) Jobbins (70 year old Boy racer) La Florida

Chinese cops going flat out to deter speeders

Chinese police have come up with a cost­ effective way of deterring motorists from speeding. They have started putting card­ board cut­out police vans on the hard shoul­ der of motorways to fool drivers into slowing down.

The paper police vehicles, which are being used by motorway police in the Ningbo area of the Zhejiang province, include solar panel lights on top to really sell the ruse.

They are designed to look as close to actual police vans as possible and have similar physical dimensions.

A number of critics have already picked fault in the idea, claiming that motorists quickly realise the police van is in fact a two­ dimensional cut­out. It helps little there are gaps between the wheels and the road below.

"Forces in the UK have tried this on motor­ way bridges," Institute of Advanced

Motorists director Neil Greig said to the Daily Mail. "But basically it's a waste of time. Once one person has gone past it, everyone realises it's a joke, so any effect tails off very quickly."

"Drivers are very savvy. They can spot these things a mile off. There might be an effect for an hour or two, but it soon wears off. The impact is transitory. It's like these signs that light up to tell motorists to slow down. These things don't really work," he added.

China's Jiangsu Province has been using the exact same idea with some success.

A number of countries also use cardboard as a deterrent, including the US where card­ board cut­outs of policemen can be seen holding a speed gun.

It's not clear how often the signs are picked up by university students on drunken nights out.

Friday, November 8, 2013

MV Agusta Rivale 800 The MV Agusta is a quintessentially Italian motorbike. The 798cc naked triple is gorgeous – it was voted the most beautiful bike at last year’s Milan show.

It’s powerful, light and incorporates high­ quality components and clever engineer­ ing. It’s also expensive for a mid­ dleweight, and about as practical as a pair of stilettos.

Essentially the Rivale is a supermoto­ style bike: an unfaired roadster with long­travel suspension, inspired by machines that race on a mixture of Tarmac and dirt. It’s a more exuberant derivative of MV’s Brutale 800 (itself no shrinking violet), powered by the same 125bhp, three­cylinder engine.

Perhaps surprisingly, the man who shaped the Rivale, Adrian Morton, is from Norwich, far from MV’s base near fash­ ionable Milan. Morton, a graduate of London’s Royal College of Art who worked under design maestro Massimo Tamburini at MV, then returned to head the firm’s team after a stint at Italian rival Benelli, makes no apology that his latest creation is not for every rider.

“At MV the number of bikes we have to make to be successful is so small that we can just make a sketch and get on with creating something individual,” he says.

“The Rivale isn’t about practicality, it’s about having fun on two wheels.”

MV’s engineers retained the Brutale’s liq­ uid­cooled, 12­valve powerplant but modified the fuel­injection and exhaust.

They also kept the distinctive trio of exhaust silencers on the bike’s right side.

The Rivale’s chassis is also closely relat­ ed to the Brutale, featuring the same frame combination of steel tubes and aluminium sections around the pivot of

the single­sided swing­arm.

The Marzocchi forks and Sachs shock give 150mm and 130mm of travel respectively, against the Brutale’s 125mm at each end.

This results in a tall seat: at 881mm, the Rivale’s is 71mm higher than the Brutale’s. In supermoto style the seat is also well forward, giving a very upright riding position. With the slightly raised handlebar, this makes the bike unwieldy for shorter riders, although its weight of only 178kg aids manoeuvrability.

MV’s 798cc triple is an impressive engine, combining a free­revving charac­ ter with generous mid­range torque. The Rivale spins smoothly to 13,000rpm, emitting a soulful howl from its exhaust and accelerating so hard that at lower speeds it’s difficult to keep the front wheel down.

The MV’s riding position and lack of wind protection mean it’s ill­suited to long trips or steady speeds. But on the right road it’s great fun, especially as its fuelling is MV’s best yet: still occasional­ ly slightly imprecise, but with none of the snatchy feel of some previous models.

The six­speed gearbox works flawlessly.

The Rivale soaks up bumps and can be cornered with minimal effort, helped by leverage from its broad handlebar. It also slows powerfully, thanks to Brembo radi­ al front calipers and sticky Pirelli street tyres. But generous front suspension travel results in pitching under hard braking, and there’s no ABS option.

Other drawbacks are mostly related to practicality. The seat is big enough for two, but not particularly comfortable. The fuel tank holds less than 13 litres, barely enough for a range of 100 miles. The mir­ rors on the ends of the bars provide a clear view but will seem wide in traffic.

Experience pays with Willem cars

WILLEM CARS: ­ YOUR SECOND HAND CAR DEALER ON THE COSTA BLANCA. WE HAVE OVER 35 YEARS OF EXPERI­ ENCE IN THE TRADE! It’s easy as far as Willem Cars are con­ cerned. Have a look at the rest, and then come to us for the best service that you can trust.

We have over 40 vehicles always in stock, and they have all the necessary documenta­ tion, including warranty and that all important ITV certificate. We’ll pay you in cash for vehi­ cles in good condition, and that includes motorhomes and vans, and we’ll also offer part exchange deals, even on cars with for­ eign plates. We don’t waste your time if you buy a car from us, as we’ll fix all the paper­ work, including the insurance, so that you can legally drive away with your new car!!

We are agents for Linea Directa (the Spanish equivalent of Direct Line), or if want to use another insurance company, then we’ll sort that out for you!

Willem Cars have a good long track record in the area. That means with the help of our sales team, we can do a deal of finding you the car that you want for the price that you want. We have new cars coming into our garage every week, so it’s worth keeping in

touch with us to see what we have and don’t forget that all vehicles are welcome for part­ exchange deals.

Do feel happy to pop in for a free no obli­ gation estimate on your car or anything in part­exchange. And if you need help with getting your car through the ITV test, then we’ll help you with that as well. Ask for Pieter and Hilde, who will give you all the help you need, and a free cup of coffee as well, as we give you a hassle­free experi­ ence.

Please call us on 965­419­508 or you can e­mail us of course: info@willemcars.com Located at the N332, our office is in La Marina: ­ Ctra Alicante­Cartagena KM 80.

Directions: Coming from Alicante: We are on the N­332: you take the exit La Marina Playa (next exit after Santa Pola) You will find us directly at the Petronor Gas station on the left Coming from Torrevieja on the N­332 Follow the N332 towards Alicante. Take the exit La Marina Playa Drive through the village La Marina towards Santa Pola (approx. 5 km).

We are approx. 1km on the right after you leave the village of La Marina. (Sign end la Marina) next to Petronor Gas station.

Enjoyable as it is on the right road, it’s hard to see what the Rivale offers that the Brutale 800 – equally powerful and agile but with a bigger tank, less suspension travel and lower seat – does not.

Especially as the Rivale is a lot more expensive.

But as its designer says, the Rivale is not intended for every rider, or every trip.

It’s intended to be stylish, exclusive and fun, for fine weather and short distances. Most motorcyclists would be much better off on something else, but the two­ wheeled world would be a much duller place without it.

THE FACTS MV Agusta Rivale 800 Tested: 798cc three­cylin­ der four­stroke, six­speed transmission Price/on sale: £10,499 / December Power / torque: 125bhp @ 12,000rpm /62lb ft @ 8,600rpm Top speed: 150mph (esti­ mated) Range: 100 miles @ 40mpg (esti­ mated) Ve r d i c t : Wo n d e r f u l l y stylish super­ moto­style roadster with a p o w e r f u l , responsive engine and agile handling, but too quirky and impractical to suit most riders

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Friday, November 8, 2013

Sports cars with tiny engines: is 700cc enough?

Looking at the evidence of 1.0­litre Ford Mondeos and 1.2­litre VW Tourans, cars with small, economical tur­ bocharged engines really are the future.

And now we're seeing the current trend for downsized engines extending into the macho world of the sports car.

Caterham Cars is putting its money on a sports car future populated by tiny­engined turbo tearaways – its latest Seven 160 has a 660cc Suzuki engine under the bonnet, but it can still do 0­60mph in 6.5 seconds. Then there's the crop of small­engined roadsters due to appear at the Tokyo Motor Show including Honda's S660 and the new Daihatsu Kopen.

This is nothing new though. Over the years there have been dozens of sports cars with tiny engines. Most of these have been Japanese, mainly because Japan has special laws that favour cars with engines smaller than 660cc and which conform to strict overall bodywork dimensions. The so­called ‘Kei’ car class was created for practical reasons, but the resulting light weight also hits the sports car ideal bang on.

Is it possible to be sporty with an engine of less than 700cc? Judge for yourself.

Caterham Seven 160

The three­cylinder turbocharged engine from Suzuki is tuned to from 64bhp up to 80bhp, which in a car weighing under 500kg gives it a hot hatch­humbling 0­60mph time of 6.5 seconds – although its top speed of 100mph is pretty puny.

Honda Beat

Hooray – an all­new Honda Beat will be launched in 2014.

Honda’s president, Takanobu Ito, has confirmed it’s definite­ ly happening and the S660 ‘concept’ at the 2013 Tokyo Motor Show tells us what it’ll look like. Details are scant for now, but there has been some speculation it will be a hybrid, while the lack of a gear lever in the cabin suggests automatic transmission.

Suzuki Cappuccino

Honda’s incredible Beat was the daddy of spore­sized sportsters. Launched in 1991, it was an utterly unique car. Its mid­mounted engine bestowed it with go­kart­like handling, and the 656cc three­cylinder powerplant featured exotic variable­tune intake ports and individual throttle bodies for each cylinder. It could rev beyond 8,000rpm, and its peak of 64bhp was achieved without turbocharging. Some 33,600 Beats were made up until 1996.

Honda S660

Hot on the heels of the Honda Beat, 1991 also saw Suzuki launch its own micro sports car. The frothy Cappuccino boasted a four­valves­per­cylinder, twin­cam, three­cylinder 657cc unit with a turbocharger and an output of 64bhp.

Weighing only 700kg, it was pretty nippy, and its rear­wheel­ drive chassis made it great fun around corners. It even made it to the UK but stiff import quotas meant only 1,110 Cappuccinos were ever brought in. The Cappuccino finally lost its froth in 1997 after some 28,010 had been built.

Mazda Autozam AZ-1

With just 660cc, the new Seven 160 is the smallest­ engined car Caterham has ever made (the original Lotus 7’s smallest powerplant was a humble 948cc Austin A35 unit).

Easily the most striking micro­sports car of all, Mazda’s AZ­1 of 1992 had a fascinating specification. Its chassis was entirely self­supporting, with non­structural glassfibre body panels placed on top, including dramatic gullwing doors. The 657cc turbo engine (shared with the Suzuki Cappuccino) was mid­mounted, endowing it with superb handling, but it

GT Autos goes from strength to strength

It may have a new owner, but GT Autos in Los Dolses is promising the same high quality of service and that all important continuity. That’s because the new boss is Spencer, who’s worked there for the last 7 years, and he’ll carry on giving you want you want on sales, aftersales and all the key servicing work that you need for your car!

If you buy a car from GT Autos, then you can rest assured that it has been fully serviced and all the paperwork is sorted out for you, and that’s all included in the price of your new pride and joy. And you

get a bit confused over car insurance, then the GT team can help sort that out for you as well.

Spencer is delighted by the support that he’s received since taking over as the main man, and its business as usual as he’ll guide you through the process of buying a car or having it serviced.

GT are open weekdays from 9.00am to 6.00pm and on Saturday mornings between 10.00am and 1.00pm.

You can contact Spencer on 637 090 665 or phone James in the Workshop 672 532 758

Friday, November 8, 2013 The Copen is coming back, with a capital K. Daihatsu’s RMZ Kopen concept car seems set to become the next Copen roadster. The RMZ concept uses a 3­cylinder 0.66­ litre turbocharged engine mated to a CVT automatic gear­ box. Performance is likely to mirror that of the old Copen.

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Subaru Vivio T-top

Zagato Zanzara/Hondina

was very pricey and fewer than 5,000 were sold by the time production ceased in 1995.

Daihatsu Copen

The only 660cc sports car to be sold in the UK, other than the Cappuccino and Caterham, was the Daihatsu Copen.

Unusually, its 64bhp, 660cc turbocharged engine drove the front wheels. While a 0­62mph time of 11.7 seconds wasn’t the last word in performance, the handling was very tidy.

One highly distinctive feature was its folding metal hard top, which disappeared under the bootlid at the press of a button.

The Copen lasted 10 years from 2002 until 2012 and was easily the most successful Kei­sized sports car ever, selling 11,000 units a year at its peak.

This highly unusual sports buggy was the handiwork of Ercole Spada of Zagato. Debuting in 1969, it was initially fit­ ted with a Fiat 500 engine in the tail and christened the Zanzara. In 1970, Zagato hooked up with the Italian Honda importer, and swapped the engine for Honda N360 mechan­ icals (a 356cc, 31bhp, air­cooled, two­cylinder engine).

Sadly no production run followed but there are at least two examples still in existence.

Subaru’s take on the hatchback­turned­sports­car theme was the Vivio T­top. The regular Vivio hatchback became a two­door, targa­topped two­seater with a fixed roll­over bar, a removable roof section and a folding rear window (àla Cappuccino). Sold to special order from May 1993, it was actually built by the same independent company that also assembled the Nissan Figaro.

Smart Roadster

Daihatsu Leeza Spider

Daihatsu RMZ Kopen

One of Daihatsu’s many Kei­class hatchbacks was the Leeza, which morphed in 1991 into a two­seater convertible called the Leeza Spider. A rather rudimentary folding soft top was fitted, but its sporty ambitions were confirmed by a 660cc turbocharged engine and an intercooler scoop in the bonnet. It lasted only two years in production.

Confirmed: Kia’s new GT super coupe

Back in 2011 Kia’s Frankfurt show car was the inspiring GT Concept. Now we can report, directly from Korea, that Kia man­ agement intends to bring that concept to a street near you in two years.

Kia is on something of a roll, with a port­ folio of good­looking models built under the design guidance of German Peter Schreyer, the guy behind the original Audi TT. A coupe could be the icing on the cake for Europe, where Kia’s big saloons don’t sell strongly or are simply kept for the home market and America.

We are told that the Kia GT Coupe will be

close to the concept car, which means real­ wheel­drive and a punchy turbocharged 3.3­litre V6. That promises performance that shadows that of the BMW M4, though the power may be a little below the 400hp of the original concept.

Can family­friendly Kia pull off a full­fat sports car? Well, Nissan certainly gets a lot of respect for its GT­R, although the Kia GT Coupe will be closer to the Nissan 370Z. But as long as the new Kia does the job properly, including setting some good times around the Nurburgring, it could herald a family of seriously sporting Kias to back up the recent Kia Pro_Cee’d GT.

Japan hasn’t had the small sports car arena all to itself.

The Smart Roadster and Roadster Coupé of 2003 had a tiny, turbocharged, 698cc, three­cylinder engine sitting in the tail. Available in 61bhp and 82bhp forms, it was nippy rather than super­fast, although a Brabus version with 101bhp brought more of a smile to the face. But it never made money for Smart and was axed in 2006 after some 43,091 had been built.

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Friday, November 8, 2013

Suzuki Announces Tokyo Motor Show Concepts, Including Turbo 600 Twin These are pictures of the Suzuki concepts that will be on display at the Tokyo Motor Show next month.

The Recursion pictured features a 588 cc twin­cylinder, turbocharged engine. Automobiles are looking to turbos to combine big engine performance with small engine fuel economy, and the Recursion may be driven by a similar theme. Here is what Suzuki has to say about the Recursion: Recursion: a compact roadster with sophisticated fea­ tures of adults packed into a middle­class motorcycle.

• The Recursion compact roadster has a styling that gives form to the love of motorcycles, while strik­

ing a balance between the running performance of a large displace­ ment motorcycle and the easy handling and economy of a middle displacement motorcycle.

• By arranging a newly devel­ oped 588cm3 water­cooled in­line 2­cylinder engine with an intercool­ er turbo on its compact body, it realizes easy handling and econo­ my on city streets, and an exhila­ rating, torquey ride on winding roads.

• True to the name, Recursion is a model that brings

back the basics of riding excite­ ment in the diverse ways a motor­ cycle can be enjoyed.

The second concept is the EXTRIGGER, which Suzuki describes as “an electric mini motorcycle”. Similar to the Honda Grom, the EXTRIGGER has big bike features, such as inverted forks and disc brakes. Here is Suzuki’s description of the EXTRIGGER:

EXTRIGGER: an electric mini motorcycle that offers new sensation to have fun.

• This is an electric motor­ cycle that was developed to give more people the chance to find out the fun of motorcycle. It is easy to ride and offers new sensation to have fun.

• An electric motor unit of the e­Let’s elec­ tric scooter is equipped on a com­ pact frame similar to that

of a small bicycle.

• While it feels like a toy bike, the EXTRIGGER has features that are small but look like the real thing: aluminium frame, inverted front forks, front and rear disc brakes, and so on.

• Making use of visible light com­ munication technology, the rider can receive information from the motorcycle shop or enjoy commu­ nicating with friends.

• The name EXTRIGGER is coined from EX, which stands for Electric CROSS (X) over, and TRIGGER, which means a chance. Our desire to give people a chance to get interested in motorcycles with this model is put into its name.

Friday, November 8, 2013

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Death crash driver was looking at porn A dashboard video proved he was driving while surfing the internet looking at 'photographs of several women in provocative positions' A fuel tanker driver was look­ ing at photos of scantily­clad women on his mobile phone when he ploughed into police cars at 65 mph, killing a safety officer, it has emerged.

Jorge Espinoza, 33, was driving his 18­ wheel truck on an Arizona highway in May this year when he smashed into three police cars and two fire trucks parked at the scene of an earlier accident.

Public safety officer Tim Huffman, 47, who was in one of the patrol cars at the time writing a report, was declared dead at the scene.

One witness statement said the truck was 'tossing cars around like they were toys'.

Espinoza, who escaped from the wreck unhurt, said he didn't see the police vehicles because he was looking in his mirror at a

passing lorry when he sud­ denly felt the violent jolt from the crash.

He also claimed he never used his mobile while driving as it was against company poli­ cy.

But dash­ board video emerged prov­ ing he was driv­ ing while surf­ ing the internet looking at 'photographs of several women in provocative positions, wearing little cloth­ ing'.

And the video also appears to show that Espinoza had tried to cover the dashboard camera with his wallet.

Investigators say that Espinnoza used his mobile to look at Facebook, YouTube, female escort sites, porn sites and social networks on other occasions while at the wheel of his truck.

Espinoza, from Yuma, Arizona, has plead­ ed not guilty to 20 charges including one count of second­degree murder, endanger­ ment and criminal damage.

Meet the Velocity Racing Title Chasers Come along and offer your support at the final point scoring race night of the season on Saturday 16 November. The action takes place at the Circuito Cartagena oval between 7 and 9pm. The gates open at 6pm and entry is FREE. For full details, visit www.velocityracing.eu

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Friday, November 8, 2013

Friday, November 8, 2013

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Friday, November 8, 2013

COCONUTS HELP YOU REMEMBER Q

I am 75 years old, and in good health, however my wife thinks my memory is not so good, and I think she’s right. I am finding it difficult to recall very recent events. I need prompting to remember them. I’ll appreci­ ate your opinion on what to do, as I am worried it may worsen to Alzheimer’s.

A

There is a type of memory loss that is associated with increasing age, and so it’s important to make the distinc­ tion between this normal kind of memory loss, and that due to pathology such as Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer’s can only be diagnosed only by clinical examinations, which will include mental exams, clinical exams and a clinical history which also considers history from family members. And in your case, your wife also thinks your memory is failing, so there is reason to be concerned. But the good thing is that there are simple steps you can take to reverse Memory loss, Alzheimer’s and other neuro­degenerative disorders, or at least prevent them from progressing especially if detected early. The most exciting recent evidence albeit reliable anec­ dotal evidence is suggesting that Coconut oil prevents and even reverses a number of brain disorders, including Alzheimer’s disease. What’s equally exciting is that scien­ tists have now reclassified Alzheimer’s to Type 3 Diabetes.

And there is good reason for this. Researchers are discover­ ing that just like in Type 2 Diabetes, brain cells can also develop insulin resistance. When cells develop insulin resist­ ance, they become unable to utilize glucose for the produc­ tion of energy. Without energy, cells cannot perform basic functions to stay alive such as producing essential proteins and chemicals, as well as getting rid of waste materials. This dysfunction eventually leads to the build­up of abnormal pro­ teins such as Plaques and Tangles, the characteristic hall­ mark of Alzheimer’s disease. Nevertheless your brain is capable of using an alternate fuel source called Ketone bod­ ies. The body is capable of making these ketone bodies, under conditions of severe stress such as starvation. And this is how coconut oil comes into the picture. Coconut oil is

very rich in ketone bodies called Medium Chain Triglycerides (MCT), also a type of fat. Unlike other kinds of fat in foods, this MCT is not digested by the stomach, but instead is absorbed straight into the intestinal blood stream. And from here, it crosses into the brain where it is used up as fuel.

There is much anecdotal evidence especially on the internet from several dozen people claiming to have either been cured completely or have improved remarkably from Memory loss, Alzheimer’s disease and other Neurological problems since they started taking coconut oil. You should take about 2 table spoonful in the morning, afternoon and evening. The best option is actually to cook with it. Coconut oil has been demonized in the past as a source of high cholesterol, because it is high in saturated fats; however we now know that many kinds of saturated fats, including those in coconut oil are very healthy for you. People who have used coconut oil for a while even report an improvement in their cholesterol reading. In addition to coconut oil, you should also make sure your diet is healthy, and a healthy diet is one rich in fresh raw plant based foods. Many nutrients found exclusive­ ly in plants are also known to improve brain function and memory.

Q

6 months ago, I noticed I was feeling very tired and went to my doctor, who informed me that I had a low haemoglobin (7.8 mg/dl) and prescribed iron tablets.

However this hasn’t made any difference whatsoever. 2 weeks ago when I had another check, my haemoglobin had only risen to 8.5 and I still feel tired. I understand that it has to be closer to 11 mg/dl before it is considered normal. My doctor says it may take a longer time to become normal again. Kindly tell me what you think.

A

There are a number of factors that can give rise to low haemoglobin. Chronic disorders of the kidneys, digestive organs, as well as disruptions in the endocrine system may give rise to low haemoglobin. However nutritional deficien­ cies are among the commonest causes of low haemoglobin.

Iron deficiency can cause low haemoglobin, but in most

cases; this is usually due to poor absorption and not a lack of iron in your diet. Iron needs vitamin C as well as an acidic stomach environment in other to be optimally absorbed. This is why people who take acid blocking drugs such as Omeprazole to treat heart burn and gastritis may eventually end up with iron deficiency anaemia. Vitamin B 12 is another vitally important nutrient for making haemoglobin. Vitamin B12 is absorbed in the small intestine only in the presence of proteins called intrinsic factor which is made in special stom­ ach cells. These stomach cells can easily be damaged by many factors including diseases and medications. Other important nutrients that are also essential for making haemo­ globin are zinc, boron, manganese, and chromium.

Nevertheless, it is important to bear in mind that as the name implies, ‘Blood tests’ are only able to show the levels of nutri­ ents in the blood, and not in tissues where nutrients are needed. And the difference between the 2 can be substan­ tial. And so even when blood tests show normal levels of nutrients, it still doesn’t mean that you are not deficient. The best way to ensure that you are getting enough nutrients is to take a good quality supplement concentrate that contains all essential nutrients – Vitamins, Minerals, aminoacids, antioxidants, etc. Quality is important because most supple­ ments are not formulated with the active and therefore easier to absorb forms of nutrients. More importantly, such OTC supplements are classified as food supplements, which means the can be used by already healthy people to supple­ ment their diet, and not to cure existing illnesses. Since your haemoglobin is low and hasn’t changed in all that time, my recommendation will be a highly fortified nutrient formula such as Ultrapreventive X from Douglas Labs, or something similar. Ultrapreventive X contains over 60 different nutrients as well as the extracts from 25 of the most powerful fruits and vegetables. It is available from Med B Health Shop. A 240 Tab Container (2 month supply) is available for 95.15 Euros. Delivery is free. Call 965071745. This is far better value in terms of nutrients than most people get from 2 months of food shopping.

Because you deserve it!

Whether you are male or female, young or old, for you the reader I will take you behind the scenes of the professional cosmetic world and along the way give you advice that will knock years off your looks.

My name is Claudia Matea and I have been professionally involved in the cosmetic industry for 25 years working behind the scenes in TV and numerous Salons. In all these years I have gathered a lot of experi­ ence from colleagues and other profession­ als. Now I am honoured to share this knowl­ edge with you and take you on a trip into the cosmetic world that is so big and beautiful.

How to get rid of wrinkles? Why do I get spots on my face? Why my nails do not look good? These are some of the most frequent questions I get asked, but this is just scratch­ ing the surface and there are many more questions I hope to give you the answers to.

Living on the Costa Blanca we all know how important it is to take care of our skin. It is the body's first barrier against harmful external factors i.e. sun, smoke, stress and pollution to name but a few ­ but how many of us can honestly say that they are doing their best. As we age and that first wrinkle appears, Usain Bolt would not win any medals in the race to the cosmetics counter.

But it is not just age that promotes wrinkles, the internal condition of the body also plays a vital role in the appearance of these unwanted signs of seniority. A lack of antiox­ idants, the body’s wrinkle fighting army ­ namely Vitamins C and E, CoQ10, Lipoic Acid and Glutathione fight free radicals, the diseased cells of the body and the skin will lead to wrinkles, loss of elasticity and colla­ gen in the skin.

One treatment is to go to a Beautician who can diagnose any problems in a beauty cab­ inet and using new technology work miracle.

Using such treatments could be with prod­ ucts based on Hyaluronic Acid or Vitamins,

the use of devices with current galvanic or high frequency can improve skin structure so much so that after 2 months of treatment, your skin will look younger by up to 10 years!

You will say Wow! Believe me its true and your skin will look gorgeous. Of course, these professional products can also be use at home. I hope I have sparked your interest and look forward your questions on other cosmetic topics. E mail your questions to perfectbody2011@gmail.com OR matea.claudia@yahoo.com and in December will give a free gift to one of you who sends me an email. Why??? Because you deserve it!!!

Best regards Claudia, beautician at Skandalo pelu­ queros in complex Torremarina ,Torrevieja

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Friday, November 8, 2013

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Pam was having problems with her laptop bat- ADVICE: Ken was having problems with his Hotmail tery account.

Q

We had to buy a new battery for our Packard Bell Laptop 11 months ago, because it was only lasting for a short time off power Now, when we charge it up, it only charges roughly 70%, and runs down in about an hour and a quarter. I really don't want to have to buy another battery ­ they are not cheap. I have just charged it up again and it says 66% and not charging. Any advice would be appreciated. Pam

Dear Richard, I have been using Hotmail for about a year and a half, but for the last 5 weeks my Hotmail has been blocked. When I try to log in to my email account I get a mes­ sage telling me that my email has been blocked because it is believed that someone else is using my Hi Pam, I’m afraid it’s one of worst things about laptops, their batteries don’t tend to email account. I tried to recover my email by following last very long, the issue usually is that the laptop is left plugged in and then the bat­ the instructions, which required me to fill out an online tery is constantly topped up, something that ends up ruining the battery, it’s called form giving my personal details, the email addresses of the “memory effect” and happens to nickel cadmium batteries that are repeatedly 4 recent contacts and 4 recent topics of recently sent recharged, you can see a document on it here… emails. Following that there was a section asking for http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memory_effect my credit card details, which made me suspicious, because Hotmail is free and therefore I …one option is to ensure that your battery is fully charged and then allow it to discharge over don´t see why I should have to pay to get it unblocked. After 3 attempts I received a message a period of usage, only plugging the laptop in again when it is running very low, it’s also a telling me that I had not provided sufficient information for them to unblock my email and they good idea to let it fully discharge once a month. The problem is that this battery management advised me to open a new Hotmail account. Of course, this means that I have lost all of my is pretty inconvenient, I even have some customers that actually remove the battery from contacts and I am not able to read the messages that were sent to me over the last 5 weeks. their laptop and keep it in a draw, only for use when they want to take the laptop away from A couple of days after my email was blocked the same thing happened to my wife´s Hotmail where they normally use it – although this process certainly protects the battery, it seems a account and she also has been unsuccessful in getting it unblocked. The fact that they are bit extreme to me and obviously takes away one of the main conveniences in owning a lap­ top. Finally, you mention that your computer says it has 66% battery and it’s not charging – asking for money makes me think that this is a scam and that once having paid over the you haven’t overlooked the possibility that it could be the power charger itself that isn’t work­ money they could block my email again. I did a search on Google and it seems that many Hotmail customers have had their Hotmail accounts blocked in the same way, but I could not ing (and hence not charging the battery)? any information on how to unblock my account. If you can help me to recover my emails ADVICE: Brian was having problems with Skype after find I would be very grateful. adding a webcam Regards, Ken.

Q

A

Hello Richard, I have a quick question for you regarding the use of cameras on my computer. As you know the computer has a built in camera which works fine with Skype etc., but its limited in the angles it can be used with, so I bought an external camera USB plug and play connection. It installed ok and shows on the devises list but I cannot find anything in the programme list. When I go to use the camera it goes to the built in one. My question is, do I have to disable the built in one, I have looked and cannot see an option to do this. I cannot see an option to either open the new camera or choose which one to use. Regards, Brian

Q

Hi Brian, it sounds like you need to specify, within Skype, that you want to use the external camera, you can do this by doing the following…

1. Launch Skype, click Tools, Options 2. Click Video Settings 3. You should see a drop down box allowing you to select the camera you want to use …I hope this helps resolve your problem.

A

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi Ken, your Hotmail account, has probably been blocked by Hotmail as a precau­ tion as the account may have been hacked; this is a common occurrence, especially in accounts that have weak passwords. In order to unblock the account you will need to go to https://account.live.com and attempt to logon with your usual details, this will then send you to a page that asks for some specific information about your account like a list of contacts in your contact list, the subject lines to some of the recently sent emails and your personal details, some of these details might include credit card details if you have an Xbox account (which I am assuming you don’t and therefore you can complete the form without entering this bit of information) Once Hotmail have reviewed the information you have sent they will send you confirmation that your account is unblocked (usually to an alternative email address or text message to your phone if you have it registered to your account). If you have already completed this information and have not provided sufficient details then Hotmail may well refuse to release the account as you have not provided sufficient proof that you are who you say you are – it’s a real pain I know but they have to identify their users in some way and it’s as much protec­ tion for you as it is for other users.

If you don’t manage to get your account back then you will probably need to employ the serv­ ices of a company like BlueMoon who have more experience in dealing with and resolving situations like this.

A

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

24

Friday, November 8, 2013

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 Today you might think you look awful and perhaps want to go out and change your whole look. Buy some new clothes and go for a workout. Even though you probably look pretty good, these activities make you feel good and increase your self­con­ fidence. Your self­image is proportionate to your state of mind. You might just feel a bit down now.

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 Today you might feel unloved even though there's no real reason for it. Your relationships should be pretty strong, but your biorhythms are down so you might be lacking in self­confidence. Phone a close friend and get together. Go shop­ ping or to a movie and raise your spirits.

By the end of the day you'll feel like your old self again!

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 Plans to get together with friends tonight could be delayed by responsibilities. It won't stop you but it will mean getting together a little later. Someone close to you might feel a little down and seek a sympa­ thetic ear. Try to get this person to forget his or her insecurities and see the situation as it is.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 You might have to work just a little harder to make money now. This might involve putting in extra time on a task, or it could simply mean that you have to make a few extra trips to the bank. Artistic insights might not be coming as profusely as usual, but this is all right. Relax and let things be, and the ideas will start coming again.

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 A delay in receiving acknowledgment of some sort could happen today. This might be disappointing, but don't let it get you down. You'll receive it, just maybe not on time! This isn't a good day to execute any legal contracts or start a vacation. It's a great day to take care of mundane tasks.

Get busy!

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 Depressing news about the state of the world economy or stock market could have you feeling gloomy and wondering about your financial future. Don't worry. The world economy is in pretty good shape and you should be, too. Equity in property invest­ ments could be down, but they should recover shortly. Go with the flow and don't believe everything you read or hear.

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 A close friend or romantic partner might not seem communicative today and you might wonder whether this person still cares for you. He or she is experiencing a few difficulties, perhaps involving money, and so isn't particularly good company. Listen if your friend wants to talk, but otherwise just be there. That's what is important anyway.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 Do you have a garden or some house­ plants that seem a little droopy? Don't worry about whether or not they're all going to die. Revive them! You might feel that some things are more trouble than they're worth. Give yourself space to be gloomy for a while and then perk yourself up. Buy yourself a present.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 Today close friends, a love partner, or chil­ dren may appear to be in a quiet, melan­ choly mood. You might wonder if you've done something to cause it, but it probably has very little to do with you, if anything.

Responsibilities could be weighing on everyone, including you. The only answer is to pitch in and take care of business.

Then treat yourselves afterward!

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 Home responsibilities may increase markedly today, leaving you feeling like you're the only member of the household getting anything done. You might give in to gloom, but don't dwell on it for too long. You will feel a lot better if you pitch in and take care of whatever needs to be done and then treat yourself by going out to celebrate.

Go to a movie, or better yet, a concert.

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 Hurry up and wait is today's phrase. A visit from a close friend, love partner, or col­ league might be delayed, perhaps because of something regarding money or possibly the arts. It keeps you trapped waiting, unable to go anywhere. At times like this, it's best to distract yourself. Find something to do that engrosses you and the time will go by more quickly.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 You've been doing well financially. You want to do better, but you might feel temporarily discouraged. It seems you have to keep working harder to keep up the pace. This is more the result of low biorhythms than any true assessment of your situation. Today you might have to work a little harder, but you'll get the results you want. Tomorrow will then be easier on you.

25

Friday, November 8, 2013

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 96

being, xx and as such they are continuous, and a lot of the verbs change significantly when used in the preterite as we So, this week we are going to carry on with the learnt, however when used in the imperfect they are used imperfect tense and some revision of the with their general meaning. Some verbs often used in the preterite and when to use them both. imperfect relating to emotions, feelings etc. are: amar, cono­ cer, creer, doler, esperar, estar, gustar, llevarse bien con, Firstly though the answers to last weeks translations which molestar, odiar, pensar (en), poder, querer, saber, sentir were just in the imperfect: (e – ie) to regret/feel sorry, sentirse to feel Examples of the above in the imperfect tense are: yo Charles Dickens was a writer – Charles Dickens era esperaba el bus – I waited/was waiting for the bus, No escritor, the hotel was excellent – el hotel era excelente, creíamos el cuento – we didn´t believe the story, ella odi­ Where was the car? ­ ¿dónde estaba el coche? I worked in aba películas – she hated films.

London – trabajaba en Londres, I was dancing and John was playing the guitar – yo bailaba y Juan tocaba la guitar­ Would and could in the past. These words can be tricky to ra OR yo estaba bailando y Juan estaba tocando la gui­ use when talking in a different language as in English they tarra, My pen didn´t work – mi bolígrafo no funcionaba, are markers for the imperfect and conditional tenses, for George was tall and handsome – Jorge era alto y guapo, example, note the following sentences – I would go to the When I was young I used to go to the zoo – cuando era cinema but I don´t have time (conditional tense/ relies on a joven iba al zoo, as a child I had a dog – de niño/a tenia un condition for the action to be completed) I would go to the perro, we used to eat in the same restaurant – comíamos movies every weekend when I was young ( imperfect tense en el mismo restaurante, they were politicians – ellos eran as it describes a completed action in the past that ocurred políticos, Where did you use to work? ­ ¿dónde traba­ many times) remember instead of ´would´ we could say jabas? We used to read lots of books – leíamos muchos ´used to´. libros, Why were you listening to music while I was study­ The same happens with could, for example – I´m so hun­ ing? – ¿por qué escuchabas música mientras yo estudi­ gry I could eat three plates of spaghetti (conditional because aba? he had lots of friends – tenía muchos amigos, they it relates to an uncompleted action) When I was younger I used to call us every night – ellos nos llamaban cada could eat three plates of spaghetti and then a doughnut noche. (imperfect – completed past action ie. Was able to/used to be able to) Firstly we are going to finish learning when to use the imperfect tense, we know it is used with descriptions, and Of course there are several words that when used show things that we used to do, when there is no specific timescale that the sentence is in the imperfect, before you read down, or it´s not important when it happened or for how long. what sort of words do you think I am implying? As you read When we deal with mental or emotional actions or physical each one, stop and think if you can think of any others: sensations, feelings, these are not usually bound by time or A menudo – often, a veces – sometimes, cada día (año, the number of occurences, they are describing a state of etc) – every day (year, etc), con frequencia – frequently,

cuando – whenever, de vez en cuando – from time to time, frecuentemente – frequently, muchas veces – many times, nunca – never, por un rato – for a while, siempre – always, toda la vida – all one´s life, todo el día – all day, todo el tiempo – all the time, varias veces – various/several times.

When we are talking about the time of day or one’s age in the past we always use the imperfect. If you remember how to tell the time and or someone’s age you will know the two verbs that are used, what are they?

They are ser (for time) and tener (for age). Of course the action related to age or time in the past may be in the preterite, but the time itself will be in the imperfect, for exam­ ple – era la una cuando yo llegué – it was one o´clock (imperfect) when I arrived (preterite), yo tenía diez años cuando conocí a Julia – I was ten years old (imperfect) when I met Julia (preterite) It can also be used with another verb in the imperfect of course, e.g: no conocía a Pablo cuando tenía nueve años – I didn´t know Pablo (imperfect) when I was nine (imperfect).

Here are some more translations for you in the imperfect tense, with maybe a preterite thrown in, look for key words which willl tell you which tense to use, such as last night or every week: I knew the answer, were you thinking about me, I always studied before a test, sometimes he didn´t earn as much money as his wife, I spoke with Jorge this morning, I bought this shirt in El Corte Inglés, Maria always studied in the kitchen, It was quarter past three when I found the money, I learned how to ride a bike when I was four years old, All my life I wanted to have a piano, They couldn´t vote because they didn´t have identification Have a great week, take your time to revise and repeat. Be back next week with more fun in the past!

26

Friday, November 8, 2013

RED HOT POTATO! TUNA LIME AND CORIANDER Ingredients 4 2 1 1 1

medium size potatoes (175g­225g/6­8oz each) x tins tuna in springwater lime handful fresh coriander, leaves picked, stalks chopped red pepper

Method

1. Scrub the potatoes, then dry and prick each one several times with a sharp knife.

2. Microwave Method: Cook one potato (225g/8oz) for 6 mins on full power (800W), turn half way through cooking.

Allow to stand for 1 ­ 2 mins before serving. If cooking more than one potato at a time you need to increase the cooking time according­ ly.

3. Oven Method: Rub a few drops of olive oil into the potato skin, place the pota­ toes in a pre­heated oven at 200°C/400°F/gas 6 on a baking tray with salt sprinkled around the potato. Bake for 1¼ hours or until soft.

4. When potato is ready, open the tins of tuna, in a bowl mix with lime juice and fresh coriander. Serve the mix on top of the jacket. Season with freshly ground black pepper.

GARLIC MUSHROOMS Ingredients Recommended serving: 1 x 225g (8oz) potato per person Garlic mushrooms filling 15g ( ½ oz) butter 2 Cloves of garlic, crushed 175g (6oz) Mushrooms, sliced 2 x 15ml spn (2tblspn) Cream cheese 2 x 15ml spn (2tblspn) Freshly chopped herbs

Salt and freshly ground pepper

Method

1. Select even­shaped potatoes and scrub.

2. Place the potatoes in a pre­heated oven at 200°C/400°F/Gas Mark 6, 3. After the potato has been cooking for about 1 hour, melt the butter, add the garlic and mushrooms and cook gently for 5 – 10 min­ utes depending on the variety, (wild mush­ rooms need to be cooked thoroughly) 4. Stir in the cream cheese and continue cooking for 1 minute. Add the herbs and season to taste 5. When the potatoes are cooked cut them almost in half lengthways and spoon in the mushroom sauce.

MINCE AND BEANS Ingredients 4 medium baking potatoes, pricked all over 1tbsp olive oil 1 red chili, sliced 300g/10½ oz lamb or beef mince 300g jar chunky tomato­ based pasta sauce 400g can kidney beans, rinsed and drained 4tbsp fromage frais Handful coriander leaves, to serve

Method

1. Cook the potatoes in

the oven at 200°C (400°F, gas mark 6) for 20 mins. Heat the oil in a frying pan, then add the chili and mince.

2. Stir­fry until the mince is beginning to brown, then pour in the tomato sauce and beans. Heat through for 5 mins.

3. Split the baked potatoes and fill with the mince mixture.

4. Spoon over the fromage frais and scatter over a few coriander leaves before serving.

STEAK AND ONIONS Ingredients 2 x 225g (8oz) potatoes, scrubbed 1tbsp vegetable oil 2 large onions, sliced 175g­225g (6­8oz) British rump steak, cut into strips 1tsp Dijon mustard 4tbsp red wine Salt and freshly ground black pepper Freshly chopped parsley to serve

Method

1. Preheat oven to 200°C (400°F, gas mark 6). Scrub the potatoes and place in the oven for 1 hr 15 mins or until soft throughout.

2. After the potatoes have been cooking for 45 mins, heat the oil and gently fry the onions until golden brown and soft (this should take about 15 mins).

3. Increase the heat, add the steak and fry for 3­4 minutes or until cooked. Stir in the mustard, wine and seasoning, and contin­ ue to cook for 1 min.

4. When the potatoes are cooked, cut them almost in half lengthways and spoon in the steak and onion filling. Serve immediately with freshly chopped parsley.

27

Friday, November 8, 2013

BEST CHOCOLATE CAKES MALTESER CHOCOLATE CAKE Ingredients 3 medium free­range eggs 200g soft brown sugar 60g cocoa powder 150g plain flour 180g ground almonds 50g butter, melted in the microwave until liq­ uid 284ml buttermilk 2tsp baking powder Small pinch salt Frosting ingredients: 100g mascarpone 100g icing sugar 30g cocoa powder For the top and middle: 175g Maltesers

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C (160°C fan).

2. Line the base of two 18cm loose­bottomed round tins with baking paper, and lightly grease the base and sides with a lit­ tle vegetable oil.

3. Whisk the eggs and sugar for a full 4 mins until they turn pale and treble in size.

4. Add the flour, cocoa powder, almonds, baking powder, salt, buttermilk and melted butter to the bowl and mix to com­ bine.

5. Divide the mixture between the two prepared tins and

place into the middle of a hot oven for 30 mins.

6. Once cooked, leave to cool on a wire rack for at least 20 mins until cold. You could speed up the process by placing the rack in the fridge if you wanted to. The cake must be cold before you ice it or it will simply run off it.

7. While the cake is cooling, make the icing: place the mas­ carpone and icing sugar in a bowl and mix together with the help of a rubber spatula. When they are totally blended together and there are no lumps, add the cocoa powder and mix again. Refrigerate until needed.

8. To assemble the cake, spread a thin layer of icing on the underside of both cakes. Scatter half of the Maltesers on the base layer, then sandwich with the top half. Finally, place Maltesers all over the top of the cake before serving.

BANANA CHOCOLATE FUDGE CAKE Ingredients 1 large ripe banana 1 1/2 tbsp skimmed milk 70ml sunflower oil 90g self­raising flour 90g soft brown sugar Pinch of salt 1/2 tsp baking powder 1 large egg, beaten 3 chocolate fudge bars, diced into small pieces 50g dried banana chips, broken in half (reserve a few whole ones for decoration) 50g dark chocolate, broken into pieces, for decoration

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 170°C/325°F/Gas Mark 3. In a large mixing bowl, mash the banana and milk togeth­ er. Add the oil, flour, sugar, salt, baking powder and egg and whisk well together using an electric mixer. Fold in the broken banana chips and diced fudge (keeping a little fudge back for decora­ tion).

2. Transfer to a greased, lined 450g loaf tin or 20cm cake tin and level the top using the back of a damp spoon.

3. Bake in the preheated oven for 40 ­ 45 mins until the cake is golden­brown, well­risen and spongy to the touch.

4. Allow the cake to cool for around 10 mins before removing it from the tin and leaving it to cool on a wire rack.

5. To decorate when cool, melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pan of hot water.

Drizzle the melted chocolate over the top of the cake and top with banana and fudge pieces.

ORANGE CHOCOLATE MOUSSE CAKE Ingredients For the base: 60g (2oz) dark chocolate 30g (1oz) unsalted butter 2 tsp golden syrup 150g (5oz) shortcake bis­ cuits For the filling: 100g bar dark chocolate 100g bar orange­flavoured

chocolate (we used Lindt Excellence Orange Intense Dark Noir) 100g bar Belgian milk chocolate 5 tbs double cream 4 med eggs, separated 2 tbs golden caster sugar For the topping: 5 tbs double cream 20cm (8in) loose­based cake tin

Method

1. To make the base: Put the chocolate, butter and syrup in a small pan and let it melt gently. Whizz the biscuits in a food processor to make crumbs. Add the chocolate mixture, mix well, then spoon it into the tin and press down firmly. Chill while you make the filling.

2. To make the filling: Grate some of the dark chocolate (about 2 tbs) and set aside for the decoration. Put the rest of the bar, along with the other 2 bars of chocolate and the cream, into a large bowl over a pan of simmering water, but don’t stir. Take off the heat, stir and leave for 5 mins, then beat in the egg yolks. Whisk the egg whites to a stable foam, then whisk in the sugar until stiff and glossy.

3. Fold the whites into the chocolate mixture. Spoon it on the base and chill for 3­4 hrs or overnight until set.

When ready to serve, take out of the tin and finish with the topping.

4. To make the topping: Whip the cream, and put 14­16 small spoonfuls, evenly spaced, around the edge. Decorate with a sprinkling of the reserved grated dark chocolate. Slice to serve.

DARK AND WHITE CHOCOLATE MARBLE CAKE Ingredients 100g white choco­ late 100g dark choco­ late 225g softened but­ ter or margarine 225g caster sugar 4 eggs 225g self­raising flour For the ganache frosting: 300g white or dark chocolate 10ml cream

Method

1. Preheat oven to 350°F/180°C/Fan 160°C/Gas Mark 4.

2. Grease 2 x 20cm sandwich tins and line with parchment.

3. Break the white and dark chocolate into 2 separate bowls.

4. In 20 second bursts, melt the chocolate in the microwave stirring to ensure it doesn’t burn and melts completely. Set to one side 5. In a large bowl place the butter, sugar, eggs and flour and using an electric beater mix until combined 6. Remove half of the mixture and place in another bowl.

In one half of the mixture mix through the white chocolate In the other half of the mixture mix through the dark choco­ late 7. Spoon alternate mixtures into the tins, so it is evenly divid­ ed, and using the handles of a spoon swirl the mixtures together, which when baked will give a marbled effect 8. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, or until a cocktail stick inserted into the centre comes out clean 9. Remove from the oven and allow to cool in the tins before turning out onto a wire rack to cool fully 10. For the ganache: Break the chocolate into a bowl 11. In the microwave warm the cream until just before boiling 12. Pour the cream over the chocolate, and stir gently, until the chocolate is fully melted. Set aside for 15 minutes and allow to set 13. When the cake is cool, place one onto your serving plate and pour half the ganache over. If the ganache has set too much, pop it into the microwave for 10 seconds.

14. Place the second cake on top and pour the remaining ganach over, allowing it to flow over the edges.

28

Friday, November 8, 2013

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 1 represents Z and 10 represents N, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Incarnation (6) 4 Help (6) 9 Sailor (7) 10 Once more (5) 11 Looks for (5) 12 Exact (7) 13 Ill at ease (11) 18 Tolerant (7) 20 Firearm (5) 22 Clutch (5) 23 Opening (7) 24 Main meal (6) 25 Wreckage (6)

1 Very nearly (6) 2 Be of one mind (5) 3 Memory loss (7) 5 Frighten (5) 6 Picture (7) 7 Kind (6) 8 Planning (11) 14 Speak of (7) 15 Outlive (7) 16 Calm (6) 17 Alcove (6) 19 Bird of prey (5) 21 Mendicant (5)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 7 Banana, 8 Elated, 9 Bars, 10 Whenever, 11 Scrawny, 13 Brave, 15 Angry, 17 Refresh, 20 Sabotage, 21 Busy, 23 Notice, 24 Seesaw.

Down: 1 Gala, 2 Nausea, 3 Lapwing, 4 Beret, 5 Career, 6 Reserves, 12 Cinnamon, 14 Decease, 16 Rookie, 18 Robber, 19 Cadet, 22 Seal.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 The ingredients of morel­ lo custard includes a bug (6) 4 A hundred with us twice to see the rainforest pos­ sum (6) 8 Turn endlessly and spin around for vegetables (7) 10 Five in wrong race are cut up (5) 11 Fend off Vesta (5) 12 Treats with contempt a relative by marriage (7) 13 Look at Bill in America (5) 15 Fish caught in macabre Amazon journey (5) 20 About the French grad­ uate’s mother, who is in a state (7) 22 Stick out bent bugle (5) 23 Venezuela teacher demonstrates lift (5) 24 Nun left Huntington confused this evening (7) 25 Am lost and confused, just about (6) 26 United Nations turn to spread out (6)

Down 1 Newest Los Angeles end product is Spanish Tenor (6) 2 Char was operating the vehicle cleaner (3,4) 3 Look cheerful, it’s miles away! (5) 5 Obscure nuclear devas­ tation (7) 6 Cables seen in certain record shops (5) 7 Ken’s is undone, like Hanks (6) 9 Neither good nor bad comes from expressos or lattes (2­2) 14 Wines found by a girl on a backstreet (7) 16 Move briskly or legal move will be made (7) 17 Eccentric American lacking in photographic equipment (6) 18 Quick to starve (4) 19 Not quite sick after fast pulse (6) 21 Alfred gave a seaman a sudden fright (5) 22 Bill’s friend in Africa (5)

STANDARD CLUES Down Across 1 Most recent (6) 1 Migratory grasshopper (6) 2 Automobile cleaner (3,4) 4 Tree­dwelling marsupial 3 Beam (5) (6) 5 Ill­defined (7) 8 Root vegetables (7) 10 Make a shape by cutting 6 Electric wires (5) 7 Balls of yarn (6) (5) 11 Barrel part (5) 9 Neither good nor bad (2­ 12 Child by marriage (7) 2) 13 Scrutinise (5) 15 European freshwater 14 Dry red wines (7) 16 Fast tempo (7) fish (5) 20 US state on the Gulf of 17 Equipment for taking Mexico (7) photographs (6) 22 Swell slightly (5) 18 Quick (4) 23 Fill with high spirits (5) 19 Leguminous plant (6) 24 This evening (7) 21 Warning of danger (5) 25 Nearly (6) 22 African republic (5) 26 Spread open (6) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Drum, 4 Date, 9 Aspic, 10 Mortars, 11 Tip, 12 Electrode, 13 Screen, 14 Opuses, 18 Anarchist, 21 Ago, 23 England, 24 Helot, 25 Elbe, 26 Tote.

Down: 2 Repaper, 3 Machete, 4 Damsel, 5 Tarot, 6 Cart, 7 Dado, 8 Assets, 13 Skates, 15 Potshot, 16 Scarlet, 17 Fiddle, 19 Alga, 20 Crawl, 22 Oath.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Act Ban Cob Ems Era Err Rut Tar Toe Too Uke Use 4 letter words Abet Adit Asea

Atom Bats Cabs Deer Dire Eels Else Ends Eras Ever Good Hike Hilt Lieu Lino Malt Mitt Moue None

Norm Plus Pore Reed Riot Seed Silo Sole Solo Sore Sort Taps Tore Tree 5 letter words About Aisle Atlas

Audio Blear Briar Chaps Climb Clove Easel Grass Guild Heeds Refit Scrod Sedan Snore Steer Still Tense Traps Union

6 letter words Biased Onrush Series Static Steppe Trudge 7 letter words Gastric Plateau Spotter Trounce 8 letter words Deformed Phrasing

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Island (4) 4 Married (6) 8 To smile (person) (7) 9 Cicatrices (5) 10 Mentiroso (4) 11 Lift (elevator) (8) 13 Diecisiete (9) 17 Frost (8) 19 Face (part of body) (4) 21 Sand (5) 22 Monos (7) 23 Arroyo (riachuelo) (6) 24 Mushroom (4)

Down 2 Sandalias (7) 3 Yesterday (4) 4 Crisantemo (13) 5 To hold up (support) (8) 6 Empates (en partidos) (5) 7 Oyster (5) 8 Seda (4) 12 Adelantar (vehicle, rival) (8) 14 El más cercano (7) 15 To kiss (5) 16 Aficionados (entusias­ tas) (4) 18 Pecho (tórax) (5) 20 Hormigas (4)

29

Friday, November 8, 2013 Across 1 The name of which type of cotton cloth, typically plain white or unbleached, comes from a city in south­ western India? (6) 4 Which adjective means ‘devoutly religious’? (5) 8 Which bone that extends from the pelvis to the knee, is the longest and thickest bone of the human skeleton? (5) 9 What title is given to an official in a British hospital who looks after the social and material needs of the patients? (7) 10 Which verb means ‘becomes later by the pas­ sage of a given amount of time’? (7) 11 Which colourless, odourless gaseous element gives a red glow in a vacu­ um tube? (4) 12 See 14 14/12 Which Japanese­ born avant­garde artist mar­ ried John Lennon in 1969 and collaborated with him

on a a number of albums including Two Virgins and Double Fantasy? (4,3) 15 What was the sur­ name of the baseball player nicknamed the Bambino and the Sultan of Swat? (4) 18 Which progressive rock band’s members have included Chris Squire, Steve Howe, Jon Anderson and Rick Wakeman? (3) 21 According to The Bible, what was the name of the second son of Adam and Eve? (4) 23 Derived from the Latin for ‘to wash’, what name is given to a toilet, especially a communal one in a camp or barracks? (7) 25 In the Christian Church, what name is given to a district under the pas­ toral care of a bishop? (7) 26 What name for a spiri­ tual leader of a Jewish con­ gregation is taken from the Hebrew for ‘master’? (5) 27 Which textile fibre or fabric produced from regen­

SUDOKU (Hard)

Quiz Word

erated cellulose (viscose) is used to make blouses, dresses, jackets, lingerie, linings, scarves, suits, neck­

ties, hats and socks? (5) 28 Which Spanish dance in triple time is normally accompanied by guitar and

castanets? (6) Down 1 Espresso, latte, Americano and mocha are all types of which beverage consisting of an infusion of ground beans? (6) 2 What name is often applied to backache affect­ ing the lower back? (7) 3 Which British cyclist led Team GB out as the team’s flag carrier at the opening ceremony at the London 2012 Olympic Games? (5,3) 4 Which large American wild cat with a plain tawny to greyish coat, found from Canada to Patagonia, is also known as the cougar, panther and mountain lion in North America.? (4) 5 Which unit of weight is equal to one­16th of a pound? (5) 6 Which word can mean both ‘the season of growth’ and ‘a natural flow of ground water’? (6)

7 Used especially in North America for catching cattle, what name is often given to a rope with a noose at one end? (5) 13 What name is given to a musical composition for voices and orchestra based on a religious text? (8) 16 Which small metal cap is used to protect the finger while sewing? (7) 17 What name is given to a mature male goose? (6) 19 What name is often given to rain containing some ice, as when snow melts as it falls? (5) 20 What is the surname of the American actor whose films include The Godfather Part II and Raging Bull? (2,4) 22 Which hard dark­ coloured wood is used in cabinetwork and for piano keys? (5) 24 Which city has been, since 1848, the capital of Switzerland? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH LAS HERRAMIENTAS­WORKSHOP TOOLS Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

geography QUIZ

ANSEWRS: 1. Reykjavik ( Iceland ) 2. The Danube 3. Scotland 4.

London 5. Ile St­Louise 6. Poland 7. Blue 8. Spain 9. The Rocky Mountains 10. Palermo 11. Windermere 12. Mali 13.

China (16) 14. The Mississippi

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Supplicant, 6 Scar, 9 Intoxicate, 10 As if, 12 Octogenarian, 15 Demigod, 16 Stopper, 17 Leotard, 19 Midwife, 20 Shepherd’s pie, 23 Erie, 24 Harrisburg, 25 Tahr, 26 Stalingrad.

Down: 1 Shin, 2 Putt, 3 Lexicography, 4 Cuckold, 5 Natters, 7 Cassiopeia, 8 Refineries, 11 Harold Wilson, 13 Adolescent, 14 Impoverish, 18 Dormant, 19 Mistral, 21 Ruhr, 22 Egad.

el torno

el clavo

la lima

el formón

la llave

el martillo

la llave inglesa

el perno

la rosca

el serrucho

la sierra

el taladro

los alicates

el tornillo Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

14.la sierra, 15.los alicates.

1.el andamio, 2.el clavo,

k.the thread (on screw),

3.el formón, 4.el martillo, 5.el perno, 6.el serrucho,

a.the spanner, b.the hammer,

7.el taladro, 8.el tornillo,

c.the pliers, d.the saw, e.the dril,

9.el torno, 10.la lima, 11.la llave,

f.the scaffolding, g.the nail,

12.la llave inglesa, 13.la rosca,

h.the screw, i.the bolt,

Soduko

j.the wrench,

Span ­ Eng

Quizword

l.the chisel, m.the carpenter’s saw, n.the vice, o.the file.

Answers: 1f, 2g, 3l, 4b, 5i, 6m, 7e, 8h, 9n, 10o, 11a, 12j, 13k, 14d, 15c.

1. What Is The World's Most Northerly Capital City?

2. On which River does the City of Budapest stand?

3. The largest policeman's beat (territory) in Europe is in which country?

4. What Is The Most Popular English City?

5. In Paris there are two islands, one is the Ile de la Cite, what is the other?

6. where would you be if you landed smack in the mid­ dle of Plock?

7. What color is the leftmost stripe on the French flag?

8. What country boasts the southernmost point in con­ tinental Europe?

9. In Which Mountain Range Is The Ski Resort Of Aspen?

10. What is the capital of Sicily?

11. What Is The Largest Lake In England?

12. Timbucktoo is in which country?

13. Which Country Has The Most Countries Bordering It? 14. On Which River Does New Orleans Stand?

el andamio

Fill It In

30

Friday, November 8, 2013

TRELI ON THE TELLY DRACULA LACKS BITE

tion (airing on SKY Living) that’s been put together by a variety of people including SKY and NBC in the States.

There’s nothing wrong with the lead star: ­ former bad There’ve been so many dif­ boy Jonathan Rhys Meyers, ferent screen versions of who despite being in a clutch Dracula, that you are left of top movies, really made wondering what a new TV his name in the wacky but series can bring to the entertaining TV tale of The party about the most Tudors.

Rhys Meyers plays the old famous blood sucker ever?

Boredom might just be the vamp well, as he’s been answer in this new adapta­ brought back to life courtesy

with ALEX TRELINSKI

of some blood dropping onto his grave in a Romanian crypt. We then see him as a Brit, but playing an American entrepreneur drumming up business in London. There are obvious glimpses of his performance as Henry VIII in The Tudors, but the problem based on the first episode lies in the story. It plods slow­ er than blood oozing out of a finger that has been pricked for a medical sample, and because it has been made

with a mainstream American audience in mind, you can’t have some of the explicit scenes that you would get on a show like True Blood. The script could have done with a major transfusion as it mean­ dered around and with no sense of humour whatsoev­ er. It would have been ripe for some black comedy at the right places, but the produc­ tion team, which includes Rhys Meyers, has chosen to play this version of Dracula straight, and there just wasn’t enough plot for any self­ respecting vampire to get his teeth into. On the plus side, the cast give it their all, and it all looks ravishing with a Budapest sound stage mas­ carading well as 19th Century London. I’ll stick with it for the time being, but with US audiences disappearing quickly after just one episode, I expect a large stake to be put through this sooner rather than later.

No surprises that two pieces of BBC Saturday dross have disappeared for good. The Beeb have can­

q

celled I Love My Country and That Puppet Game Show, which at least gave me a lot of fun in slagging them off.

The Game Show was so bad, that BBC 1 couldn’t even be bothered to show all of the series!

q

This Tuesday can’t come round quickly enough for the last episode of BBC1”s mini­series, The Escape Artist: ­ a sure­fire sign of how good something is since you can’t wait for the next episode. Also I can for­ give Homeland on Channel 4

(and by numerical coinci­ dence Cuatro here in Spain on a Tuesday night) for being weird over the first few weeks, with the brilliant twist that caught me totally by sur­ prise. My faith has been restored, and it’s so far so good for series two of Elementary on SKY Living starring Jonny Lee Miller, and series four of The Walking Dead on FOX UK has also hit the ground run­ ning based on the first few episodes.

The Courier Friday TV 00:35 01:20 01:25 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 22:30 23:00 23:25 23:35

This Week Holiday Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Remembrance Week Homes Under the Hammer Saints and Scroungers Escape to the Country Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors The Indian Doctor Pressure Pad Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds Antiques Road Trip Pointless BBC News BBC London News The One Show A Question of Sport EastEnders Room 101 Have I Got News for You Citizen Khan BBC News National Lottery Update The Graham Norton Show

00:20 01:20 01:50 05:00 06:00

This World Panorama This Is BBC Two Science Britannica Schools ­ Stargazing

Challenges 06:25 Schools ­ Little Stargazing 06:55 Wonders of Nature ­ Emperor Penguin ­ Caring 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:30 Homes Under the Hammer 08:30 Saints and Scroungers 09:15 Real Rescues 10:00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 11:00 Question Time 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Animal Park 15:00 Live Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals 18:00 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing ­ It Takes Two 20:00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Cold War, Hot Jets 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:40 01:05 04:00 04:25 06:05 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 Song 23:30

Wild Britain with Ray Mears Jackpot247 Tonight ITV Nightscreen The Jeremy Kyle Show Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather ITV News Meridian Dickinson's Real Deal The Alan Titchmarsh Show ITV Meridian Weather Tipping Point The Chase ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Coronation Street Off the Beaten Track Coronation Street The Nation's Favourite Elvis ITV News and Weather

GREATEST KIDS TV SHOWS Countdown of the 50 best­loved British children's TV shows, looking back on a host of hugely popu­ lar programmes including Blue Peter, Bagpuss, Captain Pugwash, Going Live, Tiswas and Peppa Pig. Featuring contributions by many of the famous faces involved, including Phillip Schofield, Chris Tarrant, John Craven, Christopher Biggins, Dani Harmer, Phyllida Law, Morwenna Banks, Helen Skelton, Johnny Ball, Peter Purves and Valerie Singleton.

00:05 999: What's Your Emergency?

01:10 One Born Every Minute 02:05 Random Acts 02:10 Embarrassing Bodies 03:05 Dispatches 03:30 Unreported World 04:00 Inside Nature's Giants 04:55 SuperScrimpers 05:50 Deal or No Deal 06:40 Countdown 07:25 The Treacle People 07:35 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Will & Grace 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Beat My Build 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Gordon Ramsay's Home Cooking 13:35 River Cottage Bites 13:50 Escape to Athena 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 22:00 8 Out of 10 Cats 22:30 Man Down 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

November 8

00:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 00:55 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 Bomb Patrol 04:55 HouseBusters 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Construction Squad: Operation Homefront 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:20 The Mentalist 16:15 Meltdown: Days of Destruction 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Chris Tarrant Goes Fishing 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 Greatest Kids' TV Shows

31

The Courier Saturday TV

November 9

00:20 Bluestone 42 00:50 The 13th Warrior 02:30 Weatherview 02:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Saturday Kitchen Live 11:45 The Lord Mayor's Show 13:10 Football Focus 13:50 Sportsday 14:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 14:15 Bargain Hunt 15:00 Live Rugby League World Cup 17:30 Final Score 18:25 BBC News; Regional News and Weather

00:00 Weather 00:05 Later with Jools Holland 01:10 Spider 02:45 Question Time 03:45 The Paradise 04:45 This Is BBC Two 07:30 Ann Vickers 08:45 Double Dynamite 10:05 The Sky at Night 10:25 Reel History of Britain 10:55 The Life of Birds 11:45 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds 12:30 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds 13:15 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:00 Live MotoGP 15:00 Live Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals 18:00 Live International Rugby Union 20:30 The Irresistible Rise of Boris Johnson 21:30 Dad's Army 22:00 Hello Quo 23:20 TOTP2

19:30 Strictly Come Dancing 21:00 Atlantis 21:50 The National Lottery Live

22:15 The Royal British Legion Festival of Remembrance 23:50 National Lottery Update

00:05 Stand Up for the Week 00:55 Was It Something I Said?

01:40 Gogglebox 02:25 Random Acts 02:30 Greenberg 04:15 The Big C 04:45 2 Broke Girls 05:10 Don't Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 05:30 Deal or No Deal 06:25 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:30 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Volleyball 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 The American Football Show 11:00 Frasier 11:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 13:00 The Simpsons 13:30 Heston's Feast 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 17:05 Come Dine with Me 19:35 Channel 4 News 20:05 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 21:00 Grand Designs 22:00 Predators

THE ROYAL BRITISH LEGION FESTIVAL OF REMEMBRANCE

18:40 Pointless Celebrities

22:00 BBC News; Weather

00:00 ITV News Meridian 00:05 Wanted 02:00 Jackpot247 04:00 Columbo 05:40 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Babar and the Adventures of Badou 07:10 Matt Hatter Chronicles 07:35 Dino Dan 08:00 Canimals 08:25 Sooty 08:35 Horrid Henry 08:50 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 09:15 Bottom Knocker Street 09:30 Munch Box 10:25 ITV News 10:30 Saturday Cookbook 11:25 Murder, She Wrote 12:25 ITV News and Weather 12:29 ITV Meridian Weather 12:30 Surprise Surprise 13:35 All Star Family Fortunes 14:30 Doc Martin 15:30 Catchphrase 16:15 Star Wars Episode IV: a New Hope 18:35 ITV Meridian Weather 18:35 ITV News Meridian 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 New You've Been Framed!

19:30 Fool Britannia 20:00 The Chase 21:00 The X Factor 22:35 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:35 ITV News and Weather 23:49 ITV Meridian Weather 23:50 FA Cup Highlights

Huw Edwards presents coverage of the annual event from the Royal Albert Hall in the presence of the Queen and other members of the royal family.

James Blunt, Alfie Boe, Katie Melua, Jonathan and Charlotte, and the Poppy Girls perform alongside the Massed Bands of the Household Division.

01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 Criminals: Caught on Camera 04:55 Motorsport Mundial 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Jelly Jamm 11:00 Power Rangers: Megaforce 11:35 Slugterra 12:00 The Dog Rescuers 12:30 Ben Fogle's Animal Clinic 13:30 Columbo: Suitable for Framing 15:05 Columbo: Dagger of the Mind 17:05 Silverado 19:40 5 News Weekend 19:45 2012 22:35 Most Shocking Talent Show Moments

The Courier Sunday TV

November 10

07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:25 They Won't Believe Me 01:10 The Football League Show

09:00 Alan Titchmarsh's Garden

01:45 Weatherview

Secrets

01:50 BBC News

10:00 Gardeners' World

07:00 Breakfast

10:30 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

08:40 Match of the Day

12:00 Rugby Union

10:00 The Andrew Marr Show

13:00 MOTD2 Extra

11:20 Remembrance Sunday: The

13:30 Live MotoGP

Cenotaph

15:00 Live Tennis: ATP World Tour

13:25 Sunday Politics

Finals

14:40 BBC News

18:00 Inspire: The Olympic Journey 14:50 Weather for the Week Ahead 18:30 Coast 14:55 EastEnders 19:00 Flog It! 16:45 Escape to the Country 20:00 Remembrance Sunday: The 17:15 Points of View

Cenotaph

17:30 Songs of Praise

21:00 Africa 2013: Countdown to the

18:05 Remembrance Week

Rains

18:55 BBC News; Regional News

22:00 Great Continental Railway

and Weather

Journeys

19:20 Countryfile

23:00 QI

20:20 Strictly Come Dancing

23:30 Notes on a Scandal

21:00 The Paradise 22:00 Richard Hammond Builds a Universe 23:00 BBC News; Regional News

01:20 Take Me Out 02:25 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Babar and the Adventures of Badou 07:10 Matt Hatter Chronicles 07:35 Dino Dan 08:00 Canimals 08:25 Sooty 08:35 Horrid Henry 08:50 Big Time Rush 09:15 Bottom Knocker Street 09:30 Fort Boyard Ultimate Challenge 10:25 ITV News 10:30 Inside the National Trust 11:30 Sunday Side Up 12:30 Sunday Scoop 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:44 ITV Meridian Weather 13:45 Countrywise 14:00 Fool Britannia 14:30 Live FA Cup Football 17:30 Downton Abbey 18:35 Prize Island 19:35 ITV News Meridian 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Surprise Surprise 21:00 The X Factor 22:00 Downton Abbey 23:35 ITV News and Weather 23:49 ITV Meridian Weather 23:50 FA Cup Highlights

RICHARD] HAMMOND BUILDS A UNIVERSE

and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

00:05 Rescue Dawn 02:05 White Material 03:45 This Is BBC Two

Last week, Richard Hammond created a CGI planet.

Now he goes even further, standing at the top of his high tower and opening his cosmic toolbox to piece together a universe. There'll be scientists on hand to explain how it all fits together ­ and reveal how the entire cosmos impacts on the Earth.

00:05 02:15 03:10 05:25 06:15 07:00 07:10 07:35 08:00 09:00 10:00 10:30 13:30 15:00 15:30 16:00 16:30 17:00 19:05 19:25 19:30 21:00 22:00 23:05 23:35

Dog Soldiers Stand Up for the Week Hollyoaks Deal or No Deal Countdown The Treacle People The Hoobs The Hoobs The American Football Show Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Sunday Brunch The Big Bang Theory The Simpsons The Simpsons The Simpsons Gadget Man The Golden Compass Channel 4 News The Political Slot Digging the Great Escape Secret History Homeland Was It Something I Said?

Toast of London

01:30 SuperCasino 04:05 Charley Boorman's Extreme Frontiers 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 Roary the Racing Car 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Hana's Helpline 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 06:50 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Milkshake! Monkey 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:45 Jelly Jamm 11:00 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 11:35 Slugterra 12:00 5 News Special 12:05 Lost Heroes of World War One 12:25 Britain's Secret Schindler 13:25 Goering's Last Secret: Revealed 14:25 All I Want for Christmas 16:05 Jack Frost 18:00 White Fang 2: The Myth of the White Wolf 20:00 5 News Weekend 20:05 Rush Hour 22:00 Justice

32

The Courier Monday TV

November 11

00:45 Rugby League World Cup 01:30 Weatherview 01:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Neighbourhood Blues 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:45 Escape to the Country 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Moving On 16:00 Pressure Pad 16:45 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Caught Red Handed 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Ripper Street 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

01:00 01:30 02:25 03:25 07:30 08:30 09:15

Never Mind the Buzzcocks Countryfile Holby City This Is BBC Two Homes Under the Hammer Saints and Scroungers Real Rescues

10:00 Watchdog 11:00 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 11:30 Click 11:55 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Rugby League World Cup 14:45 Cash in the Attic 15:30 Floyd on Britain and Ireland 16:00 Cagney & Lacey 16:45 Are You Being Served?

17:15 'Allo 'Allo!

17:45 Fred Dibnah's World of Steam, Steel and Stone" 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing ­ It Takes Two 20:00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 MasterChef: The Professionals 22:00 The Choir: Sing While You Work 23:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Anglo­Welsh Cup Rugby Union 01:30 The Store 03:30 Motorsport UK 04:20 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Peter Andre's 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Tales from Northumberland with Robson Green 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 A Mother's Son 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 The Agenda

00:05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:05 Fresh Meat 01:55 American Football Live 05:45 KOTV Boxing Weekly 06:15 Countdown 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 According to Jim 08:30 Will & Grace 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Beat My Build 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 13:25 Carry On Dick 15:10 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Dispatches 21:30 Health Freaks 22:00 999: What's Your Emergency?

23:00 Fresh Meat 23:50 Cardinal Burns

GOT THIN - GOT FAT AGAIN! People who cannot maintain their new weight after dieting explain the reasons why they wanted to be slimmer in the first place and the triggers that caused them to pile the pounds back on. Hayley, 59, has experienced severe medical complications due to her fluctuating weight, while former Big Brother winner Josie Gibson reveals her wish to break the habit of being a yo­yo dieter. Part of Supersized Season.

00:10 Cleaner 01:55 SuperCasino 04:05 The Gadget Show 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 Roary the Racing Car 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Hana's Helpline 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 06:50 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Milkshake! Monkey 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Woman with 40 Cats ­ and Other Pet Hoarders 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Mentalist 16:10 Mary Higgins Clark's Remember Me 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Construction Squad: Operation Homefront 21:00 The Gadget Show 22:00 Got Thin ­ Got Fat Again!

23:00 Under the Dome 23:55 Out for Justice

The Courier Tuesday TV

November 12

00:20 00:50 01:35 01:40 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

Citizen Khan The Graham Norton Show Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Neighbourhood Blues Homes Under the Hammer Saints and Scroungers Escape to the Country Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Moving On Pressure Pad Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds Antiques Road Trip Pointless BBC News Weather The One Show EastEnders Holby City The Escape Artist BBC News Regional News and Weather Imagine

00:20 Rugby League World Cup 00:50 Africa 2013: Countdown to the Rains 01:50 Film 2013 02:20 The Culture Show 02:50 The Wipers Times 04:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 D­Day: The Last Heroes 05:35 Schools ­ Get Lost 06:05 Tales from the Old Bailey 06:20 History Hunt 06:50 Schools ­ William

Whiskerson: Canal 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:35 Homes Under the Hammer 08:35 Saints and Scroungers 09:20 Real Rescues 10:05 Antiques Roadshow 11:05 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Rugby League World Cup 14:30 Coast 15:30 Floyd on Britain and Ireland 16:00 Cagney & Lacey 16:45 Are You Being Served?

17:15 'Allo 'Allo!

17:45 Fred Dibnah's World of Steam, Steel and Stone 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing ­ It Takes Two 20:00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 21:00 MasterChef: The Professionals 22:00 Strange Days: Cold War Britain 23:00 Hebburn 23:30 Weather

00:10 Animal Heroes 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Champions League Weekly 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Peter Andre's 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Aussie Animal Island 21:00 The Martin Lewis Money Show 22:00 Missing Without Trace 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Exposure

THE SOUND OF MUSICALS London's West End is booming. With millions to be made at the box office, competition is fierce and everyone from producers to performers is searching for a coveted spot on the stage. This documentary goes behind the scenes to follow every aspect of the business of musicals, begin­ ning with a look at Sam Mendes' reimagining of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and how to bring a classic tale to life.

00:20 Man Down 00:55 Rory Peck Awards 2013 01:00 The Shooting Gallery 01:30 Bedazzled 03:10 Nashville 03:50 SuperScrimpers 04:45 Deal or No Deal 05:40 Countdown 06:20 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 06:50 River Cottage Bites 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 According to Jim 08:30 Will & Grace 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:55 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Beat My Build 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 River Cottage Bites 13:15 Sea of Sand 15:10 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 22:00 The Sound of Musicals 23:00 Masters of Sex

01:40 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:05 SuperCasino 04:05 Countdown to Murder 04:50 HouseBusters 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Milkshake! Monkey 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Ben Fogle's Animal Clinic 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Mystery Woman: In the Shadows 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 20:30 5 News Update 20:30 The Dog Rescuers 21:00 Cowboy Builders 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Castle

33

The Courier Wednesday TV

November 13

01:05 03:05 03:10 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

Cabaret Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Neighbourhood Blues Homes Under the Hammer Saints and Scroungers Escape to the Country Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Moving On Pressure Pad Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds Antiques Road Trip Pointless BBC News BBC London News The One Show DIY SOS Britain on the Fiddle BBC News National Lottery Update A Question of Sport

07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:30 Homes Under the Hammer 08:30 Saints and Scroungers 09:15 Real Rescues 10:00 The Wonder of Dogs 11:00 Plan It, Build It 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 We Dive at Dawn 14:35 Cash in the Attic 15:20 Floyd on France 16:00 Cagney & Lacey 16:45 Are You Being Served?

17:15 'Allo 'Allo!

17:45 Fred Dibnah's World of Steam, Steel and Stone 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing ­ It Takes Two 20:00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 21:00 MasterChef: The Professionals 22:00 Tudor Monastery Farm 23:00 The Culture Show 23:30 Weather

00:30 River Monsters 01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:50 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Peter Andre's 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Agatha Christie's Poirot 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Being Poirot

00:10 00:55 01:00 02:00 02:30 03:25 04:35 05:30 06:25 07:10 08:05 08:25 08:55 10:00 11:00 12:00 13:00 13:05 13:10 15:10 Under 16:10 17:00 18:00 18:30 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:55 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:45 Tour

8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut Rory Peck Awards 2013 Poker KOTV Boxing Weekly Volleyball Inside Nature's Giants SuperScrimpers Deal or No Deal Countdown The Hoobs According to Jim Will & Grace Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Undercover Boss USA Beat My Build Channel 4 News Summary Kirstie's Handmade Treasures Malta Story Phil: Secret Agent Down Countdown Deal or No Deal Four in a Bed Come Dine with Me The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News 4thought.tv Grand Designs 24 Hours in A&E Gogglebox Micky Flanagan: The Out Out

DIRTY HARRY 00:20 The Choir: Sing While You Work 01:20 Stephen Fry: Out There 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Andrew Marr's History of the World 06:20 Schools ­ Children of World War Two 06:50 Schools ­ William Whiskerson: Fishing

Crime thriller starring Clint Eastwood. San Francisco cop "Dirty" Harry Callahan is assigned the case of a sniper who has murdered a young girl and threatened further killings if his ransom demand is not met. Dismayed to find himself partnered with a raw recruit, Callahan is soon at odds with his bosses over whether to pay off the killer.

00:00 Body of Proof 00:55 Countdown to Murder 01:50 SuperCasino 04:05 Too Fat to Fly 04:55 HouseBusters 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Milkshake! Monkey 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:55 Milkshake! Monkey 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Cowboy Builders 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Murder 101: Locked Room Mystery 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 21:00 Ben Fogle's Animal Clinic 22:00 JFK's Secret Killer: The Evidence 23:00 Dirty Harry

The Courier Thursday TV

November 14

00:05 00:35 02:30 02:35 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

00:20 Britain 01:20 01:50 04:50 05:50 06:30 Britain 07:00

Film 2013 Rounders Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Neighbourhood Blues Homes Under the Hammer Saints and Scroungers Escape to the Country Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Moving On Pressure Pad Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds Antiques Road Trip Pointless BBC News BBC London News Weather The One Show EastEnders Children in Need Rocks BBC News Regional News and Weather Question Time

Strange Days: Cold War See Hear This Is BBC Two Schools ­ Empire Schools ­ Vikings Schools ­ Voices of Roman This Is BBC Two

07:35 Homes Under the Hammer 08:35 Saints and Scroungers 09:20 Real Rescues 10:05 Dive WWII: Our Secret History 11:05 Tom Kerridge's Proper Pub Food 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 The War Bride 14:45 Cash in the Attic 15:30 Floyd on France 16:00 Cagney & Lacey 16:45 Are You Being Served?

17:15 'Allo 'Allo!

17:45 Fred Dibnah's World of Steam, Steel and Stone 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing ­ It Takes Two 20:00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 21:00 MasterChef: The Professionals 22:00 The Science of Doctor Who 23:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 23:30 Weather

00:35 River Monsters 01:05 Jackpot247 03:30 The Alamo 06:00 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Peter Andre's 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Britain's Secret Treasures 22:00 Breathless 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Day Kennedy Died

BENIDORM ER Pensioner Marlene Roberts requires surgery after falling down steps at a Benidorm bar ­ suffering multiple fractures and dislocating her shoulder.

On a night out with her friends, 28­year­old Tara Gibson experiences severe breathing difficulties and is rushed by ambulance to the hospital with suspected bronchitis, while 25­year­old electri­ cian Brad Newport is admitted after a wound caused by a stingray flares up again. Last in the series.

00:45 Drifters 01:40 Rory Peck Awards 2013 01:45 Bouncers 02:45 if..

04:35 Shapes 04:40 SuperScrimpers 05:35 Deal or No Deal 06:30 Countdown 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 According to Jim 08:30 Will & Grace 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Beat My Build 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 River Cottage Bites 13:15 The Last Frontier 15:10 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 George Clarke's Amazing Spaces 22:00 Bedlam 23:00 Bouncers

01:10 Poker 02:05 SuperCasino 04:05 Benidorm ER 04:55 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Olly the Little White Van 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Milkshake! Monkey 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Mentalist 16:15 By Appointment Only 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Benidorm ER 22:00 Countdown to Murder 23:00 Person of Interest

34

Friday, November 8, 2013

AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

ALARMS 'WATCH YOUR HOME FROM ANYWHERE! CCTV over internet will alert you to intruders, wherever you are in the world. www.imy­ home.es or call 965 076 671(143)

BOATS FOR SALE GC15: 16m Guy Couach motor cruiser, 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, kitchen, lounge/dining area, and fly­ bridge. 2 x Mercedes 350kw diesel motors. 56000€. Call 966 923 963 or 651 885 200

AIR CONDITIONING

A57: Rare Vintage 1957 Astondoa Classic Wooden motor launch, 10 m with Perkins diesel engine. All in working order. Needs TLC and re­varnish, great proj­ ect, 6000€. Call 966 923 963 or 651 885 200 .

ground or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com 968 5754 17 or 966 848 806. Reg No:2009­SG/A The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 or 3 bed / 2 bath apart­ ments in San Miguel. Lift, communal rooftop pool & solarium, video entry sys­ tem. Available for short or long term rent from 350 pcm. Tel 966723437 or 616 493 487. (148) Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­ ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 702: Beautiful 2 bed­ room apartment, located near los Locos beach, beau­ tifully furnished. Short term rentals from 175€ per week.

ALARMS

CAR HIRE

CARS FOR SALE

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and Worship Home groups meet during the week. All wel­ come from any church back­

CATERING

BLINDS

PROPERTY FOR RENT

Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­ prehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

INSURANCE

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The proper­ ty overlooks a superb com­ munal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 114 This upstairs apart­ ment is situated just out of the town centre on a lovely urbanisation with a good communal pool. It has two bedrooms with an open plan kitchen, diner and lounge and kitchen. €350 per month plus bills. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals.

Call us on 96 692 3963 CBR35 : Townhouse with garage, 3 bedrooms, 2 bath­ rooms, communal pool, near San Jaime Hospital in Aguas Nuevas area, 450 € pcm, call 966 923 963 CBR21 : Frontline apart­ ment on the ground floor, right on the beach! Consists of 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lovely terrace just off the sandy beach, 400€ pcm, call to view on 966 923 963.

CBR20: Beachfront apart­ ment 4th floor with fantastic sea views! 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, good sized bal­ cony, 400€ pcm, call now on 966 923 963 Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bed­ room apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

CARPENTER

PROPERTY FOR SALE Home and Contents cover ­ Comprehensive policies for house and contents with CASER Seguros ­ excellent prices for expats; policies available in. Call 966 923 963 for a quote.

RS116 – 3 bedroom, 2 bath­ room towncentre apartment in Los Montesinos, beauti­ fully furnished/decorated, pool on solarium, 85.000€, call 966 923 963 Rare opportunity to pur­ chase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing RS80 : Spanish style town­ house in Algorfa, totally reformed and redecorated, 110m2, 3 lrg.bedrooms, 1 bathroom, many extras, absolute bargain at 99,500€, call now on 966 923 963 for no obligation viewing.

Ref: 510, €70,000.

Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the super­ markets, bars and restau­ rants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­ munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­ bished apartment in a good central location.

Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

CLEANERS

35

Friday, November 8, 2013 Ref. BRJ1 – 1 bedroom top floor renovated apartment in San Luis. Great sea and lake views. 45.000€. Tel. 966 923 963 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria,

Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 KBJ3 : 3 bed penthouse in Guardamar, furnished, fan­ tastic sea views, communal pool and parking, 155.000€, call 966 923 963 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure

GARDENER

CAR BREAKERS

underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 RS1 : 3 bed large villa in Torrevieja on 950m2 plot, private pool, Jacuzzi / sauna, parking, 289.000€, call 966 923 963 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­ by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­

munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popu­ lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Ground Floor Duplex, on the Monte y Mar estate of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Fully furnished, Private Parking, Communal pool Ref. GA0094 NOw only 83.000e Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms,

Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath­ roomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interi­ or furnishings are top quali­ ty, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and grav­

eled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in show­ er units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242

MAN AND A VAN

DRAINAGE PETS

36

Friday, November 8, 2013

Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

PERSONAL

Three bedroom, two bath­ room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bed­ room apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed­in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large commu­ nal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155 Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3 Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.

Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage

POOLS

SURVEYOR

PLUMBERS

POOL TABLES

and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242 Large 4 Bedroom, 4 Bathroom, 2 Kitchens, 2 Lounges, 600m2+ plot Large Retractable Glazed in Pool for all year swimming, Private Parking for 4 cars, Very low­maintenance, Fully Furnished. 330.000e but Negotiable. Very different to the other properties in Gran Alacant and is disabled friendly Ref: L80 Tel. 680333242 Corner Plot Property in the lower end of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Under build, Roof top Solarium Being sold Fully Furnished including White goods. Walking distance to all local amenities. 139.950e Ref. GA0087 Tel. 680333242 Limited Edition Fortaleze in Gran Alacant Exceptionally Large Plot. 4 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Private Pool with Decorative

Garden, Private Parking, Electric Gates, Glazed in Porch, Solarium, Under build. Quiet sought after area. Very tastefully fur­ nished and all included 370.000e Ref. K52 Tel. 627711155 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working fire place, brand new kitchen with all appliances and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, established irrigated gar­ dens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a converted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished.

Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views.

Situated at the end of a

small cul­de­sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and stor­ age in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of out­ side parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT

STORAGE

REMOVALS

CHEF/COOK REQUIRED. MUST HAVE AT LEAST 5 YEARS EXPERIENCE IN A KITCHEN, ALL ENGLISH FOOD. MUST BE CRE­ ATIVE AND HAVE FLAIR FOR NEW MENUS. HYGIENE CERTIFICATE REQUIRED. PLEASE RING 672929585 FOR MORE INFO. RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL needs motivated sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a

bonus but not essential.

Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainterna­ tional.com Medaesthetics require a Beautician. Must have NVQ Level 3 and working self employed email cv to sabinebrooks@hotmail.com

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your prob­ lems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

RAG AND BONE

VAN HIRE

WANTED

37

Friday, November 8, 2013

Greenside Gossip TV JUDGES SHOULD PUT UP OR SHUT UP! IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

After watching the YouTube video about the recent Simon Dyson rules infringement, I started wondering about the issue of TV viewers phoning in or E­mailing in to report somebody breaking the rules, and I’ve come to the conclusion this may never actually have happened!

Every time I hear about this happening, it makes me ask “what is the phone number or E­mail address and who answers the phone? Has anyone asked what the phone number is and received a reply? Do you actually know any­ one that has called in?

I now believe the rules officials use the explanation of a TV viewer calling in as cover for the player (or the official spot­ ting the “so called contravention”) accusing another golfer of breaking the rules. If I am wrong about this, then please send me the phone numbers, as I would be interested in seeing what turns up! What with caddies, players and mark­ ers on or around the greens, it’s all getting a little bit crowded and surely any player attempting to gain an advantage would soon be noticed. I also believe that officials watching TV coverage are often the source of these “viewer calls”.

Most are Rules experts, which is not the case with the aver­ age home viewer sitting at home, with the average golfer not having the knowledge spot such infractions. This was the case with Tiger at the Masters, with an off duty rules official reporting his infraction. He had the ear of the PGA president and so something was noticed which otherwise have not been mentioned to the public. It’s just another case that shows that golf is losing its integrity to money!

I would imagine that alleged callers who have had an impact on such highly publicised events could be considered public figures and their names should be available for release to the general public. What are the odds that anyone would actually provide names? I know there have been a few instances this year alone. Simon Dyson faces possible sus­ pension from the European Tour after signing that incorrect scorecard, and has pulled out of this week’s Turkish Open.

He was disqualified from the Shanghai Masters for not including a two­shot penalty, under Rule 16­1a.

So what is rule 16­1a?

The line of putt must not be touched except: • The player may remove loose impedi­ ments, provided he does not press anything down.

• The player may place the club in front of the ball when addressing it, provided he does not press any down; • In measuring – Rule 18­6; • In lifting or replacing the ball – Rule 16­1b • In pressing down a ball marker • In repairing old hole plugs or ball marks on the putting

green – Rule 16­1c and • In removing movable obstructions – Rule 24­1.

After marking his ball on the eighth green during his second round, Dyson touched the ground in his putting line. He denied deliberately fixing a spike mark in the line of a putt, calling it an "accidental mistake". The offence went unno­ ticed until TV viewers alerted chief referee John Paramor.

Expulsion from the Tour is the most severe punishment that officials could impose on the six­time Tour winner. A review found Dyson had violated rule 16­1a, which forbids a player from touching the ground in the line of a putt. The European Tour will hold a disciplinary hearing into his actions at a date yet to be determined to decide whether he should be further penalised for what he did in Shanghai.

Can you imagine the litigation which would ensue if a lay person, however knowledgeable, called in, and got it wrong and a player ended up being dis­ qualified? Is golf the only sport in which this suppos­ edly happens? What both­ ers me, and golf rules may make this a moot point, if there's a rules infraction in other sports; baseball, football, basketball, and literal­

ly millions of onlookers see it.... so what? The officials missed it and the game continues unabated.

Tiger Woods has insisted he did not think he had committed an infringement on the 15th on the Friday at Augusta back in April, but accepted the Masters rules committee's decision to punish him with a two­shot penalty. He was summoned to Augusta National on the Saturday morning to answer ques­ tions about his drop on the 15th, after his third shot had clat­ tered off the flagstick and found water. The committee had initially deemed the drop legal but, after incriminating post­ round comments from Woods himself, the matter was sub­ sequently re­opened. Disqualification had been a possibility for Woods but he was instead handed a two­shot penalty.

But Tiger signed for a card that was incorrect, like Simon Dyson, but did not get disqualified! Not very consistent! A case of one Rule for one and one Rule for another! However, Rule 33 says “a penalty of disqualification may in exception­ al individual cases be waived, modified or imposed if the Committee considers such action warranted”. So why did they not in Dyson’s case?

So what exactly is the problem?

Two years ago a revision to Decision 33­7/4.5 “addressed the situation where a player is not aware he has breached a Rule because of facts that he did not know and could not reasonably have discovered prior to returning his score­ card”. It came in the light of ridiculous rulings such as Padraig Harrington’s in Abu Dhabi where a TV viewer watch­ ing on slow motion and in high definition called up to say the Irishman’s ball had moved a few dimples when he replaced it on the green. Harrington could not have known. To deal with this 33­7 deduced “at the discretion of the Committee, the player still receives the penalty associated with the breach of the underlying Rule, but is not disqualified”. The idea was to help players who broke the rules but were clear­ ly not seeking an advantage.

So, again, what exactly is the problem?

Because it also says “the disqualification penalty still applies for scorecard breaches that arise from ignorance of the Rules ... It is still the responsibility of the player to know the Rules, while recognising that there may be some rare situa­ tions where it is reasonable that a player is unaware of the factual circumstances of a breach.” That plainly did not apply to Tiger, who breached a rule he should have known and did so to gain an advantage. In light of that, it can be argued he should have been disqualified. In my opinion, both players should have known the rules and both sets of officials should show consistency. Sadly, for whatever reason, one seems to draw the crowds the other does not. TV phone­in’s should be ignored regardless. Regardless of who "calls in" the infringe­ ment ­­the person who makes the accusation should be known just as the player in question. If that person wants to cast the stone, then that person should stand up and be counted. If not then stay quiet in the shadows! Put up or shut up!

KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION Before teeing off in a stroke play competition, some play­ ers are practicing putting and chipping on the 9th green which is adjacent to the 1st Tee, what is the ruling?

1: No penalty 2: Two stroke penalty.

A young professional golfer took his a girl home to meet 3: Disqualification. his parents and his dad said.

ANSWER “Blimey son she’s ugly” 3: Disqualification in Breach of Rule 7 – 1b. Before a round The young Pro said, “Dad! There’s no need to whisper.

She’s deaf, but I’m quite lucky to get her as she’s one of or play­off on any day of a stroke play competition, a com­ petitor must not practise on the competition course or test the a set of twins” surface of any putting green on the course by rolling a ball or His Dad said, “How do you recognise her?” roughening or scraping the surface.

“Her brother’s bald”

TITTER ON THE TEE

38

Friday, November 8, 2013

REAL ALMOST THERE MORE FROM MESSI JUVENTUS 2 REAL MADRID 2

Gareth Bale scored his first Champions League goal for Real Madrid on Tuesday as they drew away to Juventus to move closer to qualifying for the knockout stages. Arturo Vidal's penalty put the Italians ahead, before Cristiano Ronaldo equalised from Karim Benzema's pass. Bale, who was signed from Tottenham for a world record fee of 100 mil­ lion Euros in August, put Real ahead 2­1 ahead on the hour. But Fernando Llorente's stooping header secured a precious draw for the hosts. Real need just a point from their final two group games to be sure of a place in the last 16, but a healthy goal difference may make even that unnecessary.

BARCELONA 3 MILAN 1 Lionel Messi scored twice for Barcelona as they booked their place in the knockout stages of the Champions League with a comfortable win over AC Milan on Wednesday.

Messi scored his first goal in four games with a penalty after Neymar had been fouled by Ignazio Abate.

Sergio Busquets headed in a sec­ ond from Xavi's free­kick before the lead was reduced when Kaka's cross was turned in by the unfortunate Gerard Pique. Messi clipped in his second after a swift one­two with Cesc Fabregas.

ONE’S ENOUGH REAL SURVIVE SCARE BARCELONA 1 ESPANYOL 0

RAYO VALLECANO 2 REAL MADRID 3

Cristiano Ronaldo continued his prolific run of scoring, netting twice, as Real Madrid survived a major second­half scare to defeat derby rivals Rayo Vallecano, to remain within six points of Primera Division leaders Barcelona. Ronaldo opened the scoring early on and then Bale set up further goals for Benzema and Ronaldo again as Madrid stormed into a 3­0 lead after 48 minutes.

However, Carlo Ancelotti's men were then stunned as Rayo won, and converted, two penalties in three minutes from Jonathan Viera to set up a thrilling final half­hour in which the home side hit the woodwork and came close on a number of other occasions.

Real entertain Sociedad this Saturday after­ noon.

ELCHE TAKE POINT ATHLETIC BILBAO 2 ELCHE 2

Elche looked set last week to end their bogey of never having won at Athletic Bilbao, La Liga leaders Barcelona recorded a was the Chilean's seventh goal of the sea­ especially as they led 2­nil, but in the end subdued 1­0 victory over Espanyol at the son. Barca hardly finished the match in com­ they had to settle for a nerve­jangling draw.

Nou Camp last Friday night with Alexis fort, with Sergio Garcia blasting over from a The visitors were on course to get their Sanchez grabbing the winner. Barca had to tight angle, but the visitors did not have the fourth win in five matches, as they forged wait until the 68th minute to break down their required threat to find an equaliser. They are ahead thanks to goals from David Lomban city rivals when Sanchez was left with a sim­ one point clear of Athletico Madrid, and trav­ and Aaron early in each half. But the home ple tap­in after clever work from Neymar. It el to Real Betis this Sunday. side responded well and cut the deficit through Markel Susaeta (55mins) before Aritz Aduriz (69mins) restored parity just two minutes after being thrust into the fray.

Bilbao then took total control and there ELCHE 0 VILLARREAL 1 was high drama towards the end when they appeared to have a penalty shout denied as Aymeric Laporte was taken down in the box but the referee chose to show him a yellow card for diving, amidst anger from the Bilbao players.

Late woe for Los Franjiverdes

MANU OUT

Elche’s Manu del Moral is out for the rest of the year with a broken right foot that he suffered in Monday’s match against Villarreal. That means he misses out on playing against his former side Getafe this weekend, and Fran Escriba’s selection problems continue with David Lombán out for the next 10 days with a muscle injury.

Mat takes moto crown

Ikechukwu Uche struck a late winner as Villarreal grabbed all 3 points in their 1­nil Monday night win at Elche. It’s Elche’s 5th defeat of the season, and that means they remain in 13th place in the La Liga Primera division.

Villarreal dominated the early play, with Elche having to wait until midway through the first half for their first shot on target when a Manu Del Moral header hit the crossbar. Honours were even come the half­time interval, and in the second period, Villarreal’s Mario Gaspar came close to breaking the deadlock with a powerful shot in the box from the right but Elche keeper

Manu Herrera made a brilliant save with his feet to keep them at bay.

Both sides could have taken the lead just after the hour mark but failed to convert their chances at both ends of the field, but the visitors seemed more dangerous, including Herrera making a fantastic save to keep out a Bruno Soriano header. As a goalless draw beckoned, Villarreal stole all the points in the last minute. Pereira pro­ vided the cross from the centre of the penalty area and the Nigerian striker Uche made no mistake from the right of the six­ yard box as he fired home his third goal of the season.

Mat Ford­Dunn has sealed his class in this year’s Spanish Supermoto championship after coming second in his two races.

The Murcia­based rider(pictured on the right) did all he had to do to take SM Master 35 Spanish championship after the final weekend of action at the Albaida circuit near Alcoy, seeing off his main challenger Jose Manuel Esteve.

39

Friday, November 8, 2013

DO ‘DREAM TICKETS’ WORK?

Dream ticket joke: Irishman goes into a railway station and asks for a single ticket to Jeopardy. ‘No such place’ says the clerk.

Paddy pulls out a copy of yesterday’s paper and tri­ umphantly points to the headlines ‘1,000 jobs in jeopardy!’

Irish eyes were smiling on Tuesday night on ITV in wet and windy northern Spain as two Paddy pundits discussed Manchester United and their game against Real Sociedad.

It was explained triumphantly that Martin O’Neill was taking over as coach of the Republic of Ireland from Giovanni

Trapattoni, with Roy Keane as his number two – the pro­ claimed ‘Dream Ticket’ in international football man­ agement. The two Emerald Islers, on their best behaviour beamingly broadcasting before the football world, were even cracking funnies to demonstrate their familiari­ ty and friendship. The ‘good news’ media machine is pre­ senting the partnership of the two Irishman as a match made in heaven. Pardon Paddys ­ perhaps a pithy protest…

Martin O’Neill – good points: experience­of playing­ and­managing­in­spades,

nearly bin there, nearly done it all. Bad points: never seen anything through, what has he won? Failed and fired last time out at poisoned chalice, Short­delivering Sunderland (who isn’t?).

Roy Keane – good points: as a player fierce battler, win­ ner, leader (on the field) at Man United. Bad points: final­ ly fired by Fergie for frighten­ ing the dressing room; man­ agerially­challenged with Fuhrer failures, including a fiery spell at the same unlucky Black Cats home at the flickering Stadium of Light. These days more a careful­what­you­say­pundit

(why not stay there, Red Roy?) Do dream tickets work?

One of the last great failures came about at Spurs, where experienced man­about­town Terry Venables was sup­ posed to look after the 11 players on the field while Alan Sugar (unknighted at the time) was to look after the £11m overdraft and the finances – it all lasted five minutes, ending acrimonious­ ly in court with neither man’s reputation enhanced as a result.

My own demi­god, Brian Clough did manage better in the East Midlands when Peter Taylor was beside him, their confusing­to­the­players interchanging good cop/bad cop management style was regularly effectively used, but that wonderful relationship and partnership ended tragi­ cally with Clough not attend­ ing Taylor’s funeral after their bitter falling out, and Clough regretting it for the rest of his life, which also ended sadly.

Back to Martin and Roy: both are extremely opinionat­ ed, strong­willed Irishmen from both sides of the border.

That doesn’t matter ­ where they will clash, I feel, will be about simple football matters, like who to pick, and individ­ ual’s performances on the field and what to do about it.

Management style and per­ sonalities will be important here. O’Neill used to operate effectively with John Robertson as his number two, pals from their heydays under Cloughie at Forest. It is said Robertson was the con­ duit between the players and the boss, who can be some­ what aloof from his team. If that’s the case, will Roy take the Robertson role? Keano seems to have hardly distin­ guished himself managerially

in that manner in his own wanderings from Sunderland to Ipswich where he was last dismissed from in January 2011. Red Roy is a loner with a dark side, a man who never, ever suffers fools gladly who is unlikely to befriend players with the arm­round­the­shoulder technique, and his tongue is vicious when dishing it out.

He admits to being uncom­ fortable with guests in his house, and was not known to socialise greatly with other players ­ although he could let his artificial hair down (sure he wears a rug these days) on certain occa­ sions with devastating effects.

So: the Dream Ticket ­ O’Neill & Keane – OK? Oi’m not so sure, to be sure!

Saints go marching San Fulgencio 2

CD Dolores 1

Carrasco on target CULLERA 0

FC TORREVIEJA 1 San Fulgencio started the brightest in this contest between two teams next to each other in the First regional table, but Victor Hernandez was forced to make a brilliant save from a Dolores free kick which had been unluckily given for a handball, when it appeared

Veteran Carrasco’s goal gave FC Torrevieja all three points in their holiday Friday battle that tees everything up nicely for this Sunday’s visit of the run­away league leaders, Eldense, to the Vicente Garcia Stadium.

Cullera started the match with an unbeat­ en home record, and with Torry missing key players due to injury and suspension, the home team looked like strong favourites for the victory. The changes that manager Anselmo made gave Torry some extra solid­ ity in defence, which was needed against a Cullera front­line that looked threatening.

Carrion had early work to do in the Torry goal but at the other end, the visitors came close to scoring from a crisp Burguillos vol­ ley that was deflected for a corner. Both teams had goals disallowed, and there was a sense of surprise that it was goalless at half­time.

The one goal came in the 70th minute, when Alberto shaped to shoot from 35 yards, but instead passed to Dani who ran into the box and volleyed the ball which keeper Paredes could not hold, with Carrasco pouncing on the ball to prod it over the line. Cullera did not lie down, and nerve ends jangled as Carrion was forced to make a great save from a last minute free kick.

Torrevieja stay fourth in the table, but will have to take on Eldense without Carrasco, who will be suspended for getting his fifth yellow card of the season, though Torry will have the fit­again Obele back in their side.

The club has designated this match a "Dia del Club", which means that all fans will pay.

It costs 12 Euros generally, but season tick­ et holders can obtain entry for 8 Euros upon presentation of their current season ticket when paying at the gate. The kick­off time is 5.00pm.

to come off Sergio’s shoul­ der. An Ismael shot though deservedly gave the Saints the lead on the 26 minute mark, and it remained 1­nil at half­time.

Dolores showed a lot more passion after the inter­ val, but it was San Fulgencio who made it 2­nil after 75

minutes, when their captain Fernando volleyed into the back of the net after a mad scramble around the Dolores penalty area. The visitors pulled one back 5 minutes later to set up a tense finish, but San Fulgencio hung on for three precious points.

MONTE WIN AGAIN ON THE ROAD CD THADER B 1

CD Montesinos once again looked a dif­ ferent proposition on their travels as they produced perhaps their best display of the season which saw them in the driving seat from the very start. Early pressure led to a Rodrigo penalty conversion on the quarter hour after a handball from a Thader defend­ er. The home side’s defence were run ragged but it took another spot kick for Monte to go 2­nil up, again converted by Rodrigo following a foul on Marcos. Then a Ruben cross for a Dario bullet made it 3­nil.

CD MONTESINOS 4

Thader tried to respond after the interval, but it was Monte who made it 4­nil through Dario, before Thader pulled one back from a free kick on the hour mark. Monte’s excel­ lent passing football continued, with late substitutes Vaz and Kevin both coming close in a thoroughly professional perform­ ance that manager Juanpe should be delighted with. The team’s poor home form is costing them dearly, but they hope to ban­ ish that this weekend as they entertain CD Murada.

Friday, November 8, 2013

40

YOU’RE GUNNER BELIEVE US…

…we’re gunner win the league!

Well, do we all believe those singing supporters that Arsenal will be champions by next May? At the Emirates, Arsene’s Army are a fizzing five points clear, firing away on an unbeaten run of nine games.

Last Saturday, the Gunners effi­ ciently disposed of one of the new pretenders to the thrusting throne, Liverpool, SAS ‘n all with two superb strikes, both candidates for the already­hotly contested GOWMS award – that’s Goal of the Week/Month/Season (delete where applicable) – and there’s plenty of applications in already.

Santi Cazorla’s lightning­reaction header hit the post only for the little Spaniard to react faster than anyone to volley in the rebound: priceless ­ but then so was Aaron Ramsey’s screaming half­volley that rocketed past Mignolet in the Reds’ goal, pure class. The wizard Welshman then wacked in the Wednesday winner in Europe, breaching the yellow brick wall of last year’s UEFA finalists Borussia Dortmund, to keep the Gunners firing in Europe. Ramsey could end up with over twenty in a season, unbelievable for a midfielder whose future was dodgy in 2010 following a bad leg break when aged

John McGregor reports

only nineteen. For re­organising Liverpool, Phillippe Coutinho returned at half time, but with Suarez and Sturridge somewhat shackled by Arsenal’s doggedly­ drilled defence it was the Gunners day –again.

Sure, it’s early doors in this ultra­competitive season where the chasing pack are mean men, man: one dubi­ ous doubter is authoritative pundit Alan Shearer, who’s valid, valued view is that Arsenal haven’t yet played any of his ‘Big Three’: i.e. the mighty Manchester Mafia, United and City, plus Chelsea. Why aye, Alan ­ Super Sunday sees Wenger’s Warriors at Old Trafford in the match of the weekend: game on!

Nervy Norwich were nuked Hartlessly 7 – 0 by a scary City side where all the goals came from different sources: the Blues looked back to their brilliant barn­ storming best after last week’s defeat by Chelsea. And just to prove what a wonderfully competitive league this is, the West Londoners, who had won their last six league games were brought back down to cold­and­ rainy planet earth – well, Newcastle ­ by Pardew’s Puzzlers. The black­and­white­striped ones, most com­ plete with standard Gallic kit of two shirts and gloves beat Mourinho’s macho men, the Englishmen Terry, Cole and Lampard wearing just one short­sleeved shirt – message? The French connection won it for the Magpies with good goals from Gouffran and QPR reject Loic Remy.

The Druids Derby was captured by Cardiff’s Caulker crashing in a corner corker to crack the deadlock and sink Swansea hearts by the only goal of a sub­standard Sunday, where Everton and Spurs earlier cancelled each other out goallessly. It was a black Saturday for the Black Cats, going down 1 – 0 at Hull, both Shawcross and Dossena sent off for appalling tackles, well­ acknowledged by grim Gus Poyet – and just when you think things couldn’t get worse at the Stadium of Light, guess who’s coming to Sunday lunch? Only Man City!

Fittingly fazed were Fulham, quickly three down at home by resurgent Man United, the usual suspects Van Man and Wacca Wayne scoring, supported by Valencia.

The Cottagers beleaguered boss Martin Jol now takes his erratic endeavourers to Anfield to face Liverpool, who will want to put the Arsenal defeat behind them: watch your big back, Martin.

Stoke/Southampton: stunning starter. Thirteen seconds gone, Stoke goalie Begovic blasts ball upfield, bizarrely bounces over Boruc’s head in Saints goal, poor lad had only conceded three so far. Still, Saints ain’t sixth for nothing and set about settling the score right. Ended 1 ­ 1, Saints’ Rodriguez equalized with another class con­ tender for GOWMS. Southampton – Hull next week looks good, Stoke away to savaged Swansea.