Week 150

Edition 150

www.thecourier.es

Friday, January 3, 2014

OLD AND ALONE

Rojales leads in Spain’s “elderly league” Get The Courier Newspaper whenever you want! Available on iPad, iPhone and any Android powered smartphone or tablet!

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By ALEX TRELINSKI Rojales has become top of the pops for being the most elderly municipality in Spain. Along with Alicante Province and the Costa Blanca, Rojales, which includes Quesada, has become the oldest town in the whole of the country in the 10 thousand plus population category, according to figures just released from the 2011 Census of Population and Housing.

The average age of a Rojales resident is 52.38 years, whilst the national average is just over 41 years, and the news is mirrored right across the Costa Blanca as the region is seeing an increasing ageing population. 60% of the Alicante Province municipalities reported more deaths than

births, with 18.5% of the region aged over 64 years, which is a 2% rise compared to a decade ago. The average age of somebody who lives in the Province is 42.11 years com­ pared to the national figure of 41.80 years, yet there are marked differences within the region, as proven by the dra­ matic statistics coming out of Rojales, which is a key holiday and retirement area.

The Costa Blanca has also recorded a far higher number of single over 65 year­old’s living in the region compared to the rest of Spain, with twice as many women in that position.

This is put down to the number of non­Spaniards led by the British choosing to retire, as well as falling birth rates and young unemployed immigrants returning to their native countries. Across Alicante Province, 24% of homes just have a single house­holder, with 2 out of 5 being aged over 65, in a figure that has substantially risen over the last decade.

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Friday, January 3, 2014

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E­MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon ­ Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Alex Trelinski CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Donna Tel 616 332 178 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor

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Picture of the Week

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Sunrise over Torre de la Horadada. Photo by NIGEL STONIER

WOMAN FLIPS Rajoy stops electric shock WITH KNIFE

An Elche court has sent a Santa Pola woman to a psychi­ atric hospital for 10 years after stabbing her boyfriend to death in their bed. The incident happened back in August 2010, with man’s sisters discovering his body some 5 months later in their Santa Pola home (pictured). The 45 year old woman was arrested in November that year and since been in custody. She knifed her partner for no apparent reason with an 8 inch blade which was plunged into his cervical region, with the man dying due to severe bleeding. The pros­ ecution accepted that she was mentally deranged and cut by half their demand for a 20 year prison spell.

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consumers would have been left trying to cover an 11% hike.

MUCHO CALIENTE!

Spanish men have been voted the world’s best lovers, according to an international poll, whilst English blokes came sec­ ond­last, after German men, for being ‘too lazy’ in bed. Spaniards were con­ sidered ‘natural and self­ confident’ between the sheets, while Germans came last for being ‘too smelly.’ The top five went – Spain, Brazil, Italy, France and Ireland.

NOT SANTA

Human remains were discovered on a Torrevieja beach on Christmas Eve. A walker spotted the grisly sight on Cala de los Trabajadores and called in the author­ ities, with the Guardia Civil opening an investigation.

Publication

Electricity prices went up by 2.3% in Spain on Wednesday, considerably less than the double digit rise that had been initially announced a fortnight ago. The government, led by Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy stepped in to say that the 11% rise was unacceptable, and that the new lower increased rate would apply for the first three months of 2014, whilst a new mechanism to regulate prices is worked out. The govern­ ment has been seeking to reduce the mil­ lions of Euros that it has spent on subsidis­ ing tariffs, but that policy has been temporar­ ily brushed aside, after combined with a high quarterly power auction figure, domestic

The skeletal remains, some which were half buried were taken for forensic analysis.

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Friday Sunny High 21 Low 11° Chance of rain 2% Monday Sunny High 18 Low 7° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Sunny High 18° Low 7° Chance of rain 0%

Saturday Showers High 19° Low 7° Chance of rain 61% Wednesday Cloudy High 15° Low 8° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Sunny High 16° Low 6° Chance of rain 0% Thursday Sunny High 20° Low 9° Chance of rain 0%

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Friday, January 3, 2014

Where’s the recovery? TORRY TRAIN STUDY More than half of all Spanish families say they are worse off now than they were a year ago, and this is despite government claims that the economy is getting better. Some 60% of families have less money coming in than a year ago, according to the results of a survey in the El Mundo newspaper. The results also show just 3.7% of households having fatter wallets now compared to the end of 2012. On top of this, almost 2 in every 3 Spaniards believe the country's economic situation has become worse in 2013 while only 13 % say things are rosier. The poll also signals big thumbs down for Spain's ruling PP, with three quarters of those surveyed saying that government policies aren't bear­ ing fruit. These results, based on a thousand

Work is about to start on a feasibility study over a new rail link between Torrevieja to the Valencia­Alicante line. A 700 thousand contract for the survey has been awarded to the TRN company, according to Torrevieja Mayor, Eduardo Dolon.

LUCKY ESCAPE

interviews are seen as a big raspberry being blown to the government who have been try­ A Portuguese family were ing “talk up” what it sees as an economic only slightly injured on revival.

Monday lunchtime when their van collided with a tram in Alicante City. The three adults and a 13 year old child were taken to Alicante General Hospital, with one of them having to be freed from their vehicle by firefighters.

The van, according to the police, had made an illegal turn and hit the tram on the city’s Line 2 in the Ciudad Jardín y Virgen del Remedio area.

GIVE US YOUR CASH

Foreign tourists visiting the Valencia region in 2013 have been digging deeper into their pockets with an impressive 11.5% rise on the 2012 figures. Close to five thou­ sand million Euros were spent up to the end of November, with an average spend per tourist of 871 Euros. Last November, foreign visitors parted company with 255 million Euros, which in itself was a leap of 13.5% compared to the same month in 2012. The figures compiled for the Spanish tourism ministry showed that the biggest spenders came from the United Kingdom and Scandinavia. Nationally, expenditure in 2013 was up by nearly 9%.

“Euro Roda” rapist jailed

Guardia end 2013 on a high A marijuana farm in Santiago de la Ribera has been raided by the Guardia Civil. Four gang members, including two children, were arrested and hundreds of plants seized, along with all the paraphernalia associated with growing the drug.

A greenhouse with the clandestine stash had been put up on a property without permission of the owner, after the gang members(some of whom had a criminal record), spent a long time monitoring homes in Santiago to see which ones they could rent or use, without being disturbed.

BUTANO BOOST The price of gas cylinders is not going up this month, as is tradition­ ally the case.

The last rise was just over 2% in May, with the aver­ age price of a cylinder now coming in at 17.50 Euros.

FIRST GAGA

Torrevieja Hospital saw the first birth of 2014 across the Valencia region. Mara was born at 1.26 am on Wednesday morning, weighing in at 3.3 kilos, with baby and Spanish mum fit and well. Mara appeared just 4 mins before Sara was born at La Fe Hospital in Valencia Province.

A 22 year old Moroccan who terrorised and raped women around the Los Alcazeres and Mar Menor areas has started a 27 year jail sentence. Abderrazak El Jaafari, was given the title of the 'Euro Roda rapist', after he stole from four women and raped two of them in Los Alcazares and San Javier in the autumn of 2011. He was arrested at the end of December that year after a major police

operation to capture him, after sowing major fear amongst women in the area.

El Jaafari initially pled not

guilty but changed his plea, after claiming that he had been threatened with his life, if he did not confess.

Popular Guardamar

Guardamar has become the most desirable part of the Vega Baja to buy second­hand houses. . The average price per square metre in the town is logged at 1,406 Euros according to the Idealist survey, though over the whole Costa Blanca, Benidorm leads at 1,877 Euros per square metre. On the southern Costa Blanca, the Orihuela Costa comes in 2nd at 1,217 Euros, with the La Mata area of Torrevieja in 3rd, just behind on 1,204 Euros.

Some of the cheapest housing is be found around Pilar de la Horadada with re­sale prices averaging around 876 Euros per square metre.

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Friday, January 3, 2014

NO COP OUT BUDGET RISES Taking their toll Óscar Martínez Barnés is a policeman worth knowing as he’s saved two lives in the space of just a week. The officer from Alcantarilla, Murcia saved a girl from dying of suffocation just before Christmas, and then after the festivities, he res­ cued a driver from a car that was stuck on a level cross­ ing, by pushing the vehicle out of danger. Not too sur­ prisingly, Óscar has been nominated for a bravery medal.

Monte weaves new web

Los Montesinos Town Hall has launched a new website in 2014 to improve links with the British commu­ nity and other nationalities. "We have integrated the website with the most popular social networks and visual channels ­ such as Facebook and YouTube," said Los Montesinos Mayor, José Butron Sanchez. Local notices and an events diary are now available, with access available to the various Town Hall departments, as opposed to having to go going there in person. Information will also be translated into five languages from February at www.losmon­ tesinos.es.

CARTAGENA TRAGEDY

A 16 year old Cartagena girl died in a car crash in the La Concepción area of the city in the early hours of last Monday morn­ ing. An eye­witness said that the car was speeding and crashed into a pine tree. The 19 year old male driver was taken to hospital, whilst another 16 year old female was said to be in a serious condition.

BETTER FOR THE BEACH

Guardamar’s budget for 2014 has risen to 16.2 million Euros, some of which has been boosted by last summer’s controversial “Blue Zone” parking charges. The council says more money will be spent on beach maintenance and pre­ serving sites of historical interest amongst a whole raft of measures. Meanwhile in Almoradi, the council’s budget is up by 9%, with more expenditure promised on road and pave­ ment repairs; new sewers; and a refurbishment of the Cortes Theatre (pictured).

Drug swoop

Two middle aged drug distributors have been arrested in Almoradi after a nine month investigation by the Guardia Civil. The 44 and 55 year old Spaniards had been selling drugs, mainly cocaine, across the Vega Baja. Some 21 grams of cocaine were discovered in a house raid, along with weighing scales and other materials for the ongoing sale of illegal substances.

Forbidden fruit

The Guardia Civil in Murcia have seized 1,300 kilos of fruit and veg that were being illegally sold at a market and handed the goods over to charity. Officers raided the weekly market at Sangonera la Verde outside Murcia City, and were not happy with four of the ven­ dors, who were not able to prove where they got their produce from, leading to

suspicion that it may have been stolen or illegally obtained. The seized items included a stash of apples, grapes, oranges, tangerines, as well as artichokes and onions.

Spain’s toll roads ended 2013 with the lowest number of users since the 1990’s. This drop is blamed on the economic crisis, as well as the improvements in the toll­free roads in the country. In 2006, the number of users was an average of 23,900 a day, but this number has been decreasing annually, to 16,000 users a day. Spain has a total of 2,560 km of toll roads at present, and the price of using them went up by nearly 2% this week. The only toll roads which didn’t suffer a loss last month were two stretches of the AP7, in addition to the AP51 and the AP53. Ten toll roads are technically bank­ rupt, including the Cartagena­Vera stretch of the AP7.

Murcia celebrates

The winning number for the El Gordo Christmas lottery jackpot was 62.246, ending up being worth 4 million Euros for a full ticket or 400,000 for a décimo or 10th of a ticket. And 13 proved to be the lucky number, with winners found in 13 different places across Spain.

In Murcia, some people described as "foreign residents", hit it big on Murcia's El Valle urbanisation, buying decimos or tenths that gave them one of the fifth prizes worth 60 thou­ sand Euros. The sales were made from Balsicas in Bar Kalkata to people living on El Valle, with other decimos going to Los Alcazares and Cartagena. In Murcia City, over 6 mil­ lion Euros of prize tickets were sold from a booth on San Julian de Murcia square and bar in the Santa Catalina area of the city sold over 1.6 million Euros worth of prize tickets, The city of Lorca also came up trumps with 200 thousand Euros of prize money.

In Alicante Province, 780 thousand Euros was won in Elche, with the city’s Marina Bar accounting for 360 thousand Euros. In the Vega Baja, just a paltry 16 thousand Euros was won through two outlets in Quesada and Torrevieja.

San Pedro drought

Dead in the water

Parts of San Pedro del Pinatar didn’t have a happy Christmas, due to a burst water pipe, which left half of the town without water on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The pipes were being put through some maintenance work when the burst happened, and it wasn’t until late on Thursday December 26th that normal service was restored.

Access to Santa Pola’s Varadero beach is going to get easier with a new wooden walkway. Wider access will be one of the major bonuses of the 30 thousand plus Euros proj­ ect which is under construction, which will link up the eastern beaches to Varadero beach.

VINTAGE VINES The clothed body of a 67 year old Spanish woman was pulled out of the water at Benidorm’s Poniente beach on Sunday. The corpse was spotted at 10.30 am, and emer­ gency services were unable to revive her.

Alicante Province vineyards have had a bumper 2013 with other 40 million kilos of grapes being picked, a 27% rise on the previous season. Producers say that the figures have returned to the average norm, after a very poor 2012.

Friday, January 3, 2014

“HITTING COPS” PART OF BENIDORM BREAK A man said to be 'behav­ ing like a hooligan' in Benidorm's so­called 'British district' was arrest­ ed after attacking four policemen. The accused man was said to be a non­ EU foreign national, and was nicked in an area of nightclubs and bars popu­ lar with British holiday­ makers. He is also said to have smashed the back window of a police patrol car, injuring his hand, before fleeing the scene.

The police union, SUP, said the incident on Boxing Day 'showed “that the town” attracts an “aggressive type of tourist” and claimed “vandalising patrol cars and attacking officers” has become “an extra source of entertain­

ment” and “part of the all­ inclusive package holi­ day”.

This class of holiday­ maker then 'goes off home to his country' and 'leaves judges and police with their hands tied' due to the

difficulties in prosecuting.

The SUP has called on Benidorm council to improve safety for the police, as well as for the residents and tourists who want to have a good time without breaking the law.

LESS PEOPLE

The population of the Valencia region is falling, but it’s on the rise in Alicante Province. The overall figures from the National Statistics Institute (INE) make the count up to January 1st 2013, and show a 15 thousand drop over the full year of 2012.

The Alicante Province population actually went up 1,732 people (a 0.09% rise) whilst Spain as a whole, saw a 0.29% reduction, with a fall of 135,538.

WISE MEN COMING

The Three Kings make their traditional landing in Torrevieja’s port this Sunday evening at 5.30pm, and will be met by the Mayor, Eduardo Dolon. Their parade will then go through the city centre, eventually ending up in front of the Immaculate Conception church.

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Friday, January 3, 2014

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

UK TV hides REAL Spain WHO saw the major UK news item on Spanish property problems? Is it me being old and cynical or is the BBC trying to frighten the British from coming to Spain, buying property and enjoying our mild winters and slower pace of life.

Look at the constant recycling of the bad news regarding planning issues, the adverts in our English language newspa­ pers asking for people to contact UK TV programme makers if they’ve had prob­ lems here.

I have never seen a broadcast promot­ ing Spain’s excellent health system or the World Health Organisation report making parts of this country the healthiest places in the world to live. The best they can come up with is that from the 800,000 expats with properties here, three proper­ ties have been demolished, one back in

2008 and two last year.

Regrettable as these are, I wonder if they used the professional services of an estate agent and an independent solicitor before parting with their money.

I have a theory; a lot of British citizens are fed up with the weather, politics and the general decline in family values that has been affecting life in the UK in recent years. They’ve voted with their feet, sold up and moved abroad ­ many to Spain.

I think the British government is getting worried about this mass exodus of people and their money, so they need a way to stem or slow it down. I will leave it to the reader’s imagination as to what tactics they may be employing!

PHILLIP SMIRK Dream Homes Costa Blanca, El Raso

DONNA, YOU’VE GOT IT ALL WRONG AGAIN! DONNA GEE really has exceeded her remit in Issue 149.

Her diatribes used to be aimed at Ryanair and their working practices. I went to work on the ramp at Heathrow in 1977, and 27 years later I retired. In all that time I fuelled an aircraft to its maximum six or maybe seven times ­ specifically for test flights after in­depth maintenence.

Six years later Donna tells me that all (non­Ryanair) aircraft are topped up for every flight. How could I have got it so wrong? This time she has gone much further, displaying her ‘knowledge’ of the rules of the Spanish road.

I'll pick up half way through the article. "The British brain (safety first) autom...’’ Well, putting safety first I did not auto­ matically assume anything. I was now in a foreign country and found out how it is done in Spain.

Later she tells us she was in the left/overtaking lane, which is why she was almost killed. Well NO, actually she was almost killed because she was breaking the law, and even more dangerously was ignorant of that fact. She could have killed herself, not knowing what she was doing, and more importantly could have killed the innocent Don Quicksuit.

Think on, Donna, what if your innocent grandchildren were with you in your car when the worst happened?

Then we moved on to the Spanish equivalent of the Highway Code. She failed to point out “to carry out an overtake’ is only to overtake or pass an obstruction in the right­hand lane. Obstructions do not include slower moving traffic!

The way to negotiate a roundabout in Spain is to approach in the right­hand lane, where you should be, anyway. You join the queue of traffic entering the round­ about and follow the car ahead until you reach your exit. Reminiscent of a ‘croco­ dile’ of children leaving the playground returning to class.

No overtaking, NO cutting up traffic, no danger at all really.

Simple, even to a Mick like myself.

Perhaps you could draw the attention of Tony Mayes to this, as he’s quite cheerful­ ly admitted in print that he does not know the Highway Code yet has his say on the subject of cyclists, or, by extension, other road users, himself included. Rant over!!

Have a terrific New Year.

JOHN PEEL, San Miguel de Salinas

DANGEROUS STAFF? YOU’RE ‘AVIN A LAFF I would like to comment on Tony Mayes’ article concerning “dangerous dogs’’.

I have a Staffordshire Terrier and have also had Staffs in the past. My present Staff has been attacked three times ­ twice by a whippet and once by a young German Shepherd ­ and never retaliated.

The whippet bit her stomach when my dog rolled over and cried. I even shouted: “Get up, you are a dangerous dog!’’. She has no idea how powerful she is and I will not tell her!

The press like to publicise when dogs attack people and children but it is only when they are Staffs, Rottweilers, Mastiffs etc. Little dogs are just as bad but they would not sell as many papers. For example, the headline ‘Yorkshire Terrier Attacks Family’ would make people laugh!

All dogs are capable of biting but some are stronger than others and it is not their fault.

I agree with Tony that you should not use a gun or a dog as a weapon but the owner of both is solely responsible. Only one of them pulls the

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trigger!

The Staff is commonly known as the nanny dog due to its amazing temperament and toler­ ance around children. Please find below expert comment :­ I hope you can print the expert comment below and common sense should prevail.

RSPCA chief vet Mark Evans said: “Staffies have had a terrible press, but this is not of their own making ­ in fact they're wonderful dogs. If people think that Staffies have problems, they're looking at the wrong end of the dog lead! When well cared for and properly trained they can make brilliant companions.

“Our experience suggests that problems occur when bad owners exploit the Staffie's desire to please by training them to show aggression."

Despite its name, the Staffordshire Terrier was first bred in the 19th century in Birmingham, rather than in the county of Staffordshire where it was then later bred. The early ancestors of this breed came from England, where until the first part of the 19th century, the Bulldog was bred in England.

GRAHAM LEADLEY, Las Palmeras

STOLEN MOMENTS AT THE BOULEVARD I WOULD like to inform your readers not to be complacent when shopping during the New Year sales.

My wife and I went to La Zenia Boulevard last Friday (December 27) to do some shopping. We first went to Media Markt, where we purchased three items. As one item was quite large and heavy we returned to the car park to deposit the items in the boot of our car before making our way to another store to buy some clothing.

On returning to the car, we found a

window smashed and the three elec­ trical items stolen from the boot. We had obviously been spotted by unde­ sirables loitering in the car park.

So do not be complacent at La Zenia Boulevard. Don’t do your shop­ ping in two or more goes. When you get back to your car go home and complete your shopping another day.

If you are offered a cheap microwave oven, electric kettle or Brita water fil­ ter in the pub tonight, beware. They might be my stolen items.

Happy New Year to you all!

NAME WITHHELD, San Miguel FURTHER to Donna Gee’s article ‘Where Legals Dare’, in 2003 I rent­ ed a shop from a solicitor whose fam­ ily owned many local businesses.

This was on a five­year lease, with a €2,000 deposit to be returned after the five years.

My own solicitor confirmed that this was a standard lease agreement.

In 2007, a year before the lease expired, we agreed a sale of this

shop. I had a meeting with the solici­ tor I rented from to inform him of our decision. To my amazement he said that to change the lease I would have to pay him €10,000 in cash.

The people requiring the shop could not wait a further year so I had no choice but to pay the €10,000.

When he came to collect the money, I asked for the €2,000 deposit, He just laughed and left. What a wonderful honest solicitor. What could I do? Sue a solicitor in Spain? K MORTIMER

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Friday, January 3, 2014

ANOTHER year, another resolution…and it’s déjà vu all over again.

Exactly 12 months ago, I began a sponsored diet with the intention of shedding 35lbs and raising funds for charity at the same time.

I amazed everyone, not least myself, by achieving a target I thought impossible. But I failed to heed the warning sounded by my behaviour the moment I hit my goal weight.

I headed straight for the near­ est bar and proceeded to demol­ ish a full English breakfast.

The message was clear…but as the weeks flew by, the pounds flew back on. And as I write, I reckon I’ve hit the 90­kilo mark again.

That’s just three kilos short of the porky pudding that began my origi­ nal tedious journey down the scales.

The only consolation is the £2,500 that I and a sponsorship team headed by Sue Ryder and Dee Williams raised last time for CICRA – the Crohn’s in Children Research Association.

I’ll have my first weigh­in for Donna’s Dopey Diet (Part 2) today (Friday) – and I will keep you updat­ ed on my progress each week.

The target this time is to rid myself of 10 kilos of lard as quickly as possible…and hopefully to fill another pot of gold for a good cause. Full details will follow next week, by which time I will know the exact equation.

So where exactly did I go wrong last year? Well, dieting is a fat lot of good unless you keep the weight

I’M SCREAMING OF A FRIGHT CHRISTMAS!

AUGUST 2011: Fat’s life off. After my last mission was accomplished, keeping that weight off became very heavy going.

By October, around seven kilos of the lost blubber had reattached itself to my fat reserves ­ and on Christmas Eve, I was within five

JULY 2012: 17 kilos lighter kilos of my 93.2k starting weight a year ago.

I dread to think how much more damage my recent festive celebra­ tions have done, but my current sil­ houette does not make for pleasant viewing, believe me.

My intention at the start of 2013 was to take my weight off your minds forever.

But the bizarre happenings since I completed my self­set challenge would leave any vegetarian weight watcher as sick as a carrot.

Six months ago, I was Queen of the Lean after slimming down from 14st 9lb to exactly 12 stone. It was restaurant time again – Indian, Chinese, calorie­rich starters, desserts, the lot. And even sillier, I let my sweet tooth loose on every­ thing from biscuits and cake to rich milk chocolate.

One night in late summer, I had a mad 15 minutes during which I saw off the entire remnants of an evening I made for friends. A pile of egg­mayonnaise sandwiches, EIGHT small cupcakes and a 500g bar of milk chocolate went down the hatch in a frenzied attack on any­ thing containing sugar.

I could not have done anything more stupid after working so hard to reach my goal weight – and I’ve paid for it big­time. I regained more than a stone during the first month of ending the diet. Since then, I have

again bloated outrageously to become one of the widest moun­ tains in the Costas.

But fat’s life when you enjoy eat­ ing as much as I do. Or did!

M6 grid-clock

TRAVELLING up the M6 is, shall we say, rather interesting these days.

Somewhere around Hilton Park services one hits a 20­mile stretch of roadworks where speed is limit­ ed to 50mph. Yet three lanes are operating and, certainly on a Sunday, no workmen to be seen.

Cars crawl North up each other’s backsides with drivers biting their lips in frustration at the unneces­ sary delay. The omens are pretty horrendous, too. ‘’Delays possible until 2015’’ reads a warning sign at the start of the restricted zone.

I’m sure I saw an almost identical sign on a Spanish motorway a while back. Only difference was the decimal point between the 20 and the 15.

And I’m sure the road was clear well before quarter past eight.

WHISPER IT VINCENT, BUT YOU’VE BEEN TAN-GOED I WENT to the UK early for Christmas with a Spanish tan … and spent the entire month being taunted by a Malaysian one.

You don’t have to be a football fan to know that Cardiff City owner Vincent Tan is the biggest joke in the game. He ended 2013 by sacking Malky Mackay, the club’s most successful manager ever, for the heinous crime of winning promotion to the Premier League for the first time and reach­ ing the Carling Cup Final.

Mackay’s only mistake was refusing to be dic­ tated to by a man who is to football what Bernard Manning was to political correctness.

An avid Cardiff fan all my life, I was among the

27,000 fans who witnessed Mackay’s final game in charge on Boxing Day before Tan fired the bul­ let. Two days later I watched the Bluebirds con­ cede an equaliser against Sunderland after 4mins 50secs of the five minutes of added time.

An hour and a half after the 2­2 draw, I sat down for a meal in a plush Cardiff Bay restaurant with my daughter and three friends, who had all been at the game. Amazingly, dining on the next table were City’s acting manager David Kerslake and his family. I was astounded that someone so involved in the Tan circus had been able to ‘escape’ so soon after an early­evening match that had been televised live on Sky TV.

Kerslake, Mackay’s trusted assistant, was put in charge pending the appointment of a new man­ ager – and had made it clear after Saturday’s game that he was not interested in taking the job permanently.

With the meddling Tan demonised by everyone who understands football, Kerslake also made a startling confession after one of my companions observed that Tan would have thought a Cardiff victory vindicated his sacking of Mackay. Despite being a Cardiff fan, she added, she was glad that Sunderland had scored that last­gasp equaliser.

“Between you and me, so was I,’’ whispered Kerslake.

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Friday, January 3, 2014

Friday, January 3, 2014

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Friday, January 3, 2014

A GAME OF TWO LEGS

AS a young lad I enjoyed playing soccer with my mates in the cobbled thorough­ fares of north Manchester. Our rough and ready team of urchins would take on other sides made up of lads from the adjoining streets on our concrete jungle estate.

One day, only 10 minutes into a fast and furious fixture, my mother beckoned me indoors. 'What's up, Mother?' I asked. 'Only make it quick because I'm the goalkeeper and I've already let in 14 goals. I need to be back out there to redeem myself.'

'Don't listen to him, missus!' implored my team­mates. 'Keep your son in the house for as long as you like. He's a lousy goalie.'

'That's exactly the trouble, our David,' said Mother. 'The way those boys get the ball past you, well it's as if you weren't even there. I reckon it must be your bandy legs.'

The next day, Mother took me to the neigh­ bourhood clinic. The place smelled of chloro­ form masks and mysterious unguents and I also caught a slight whiff of my own trepida­ tion.

After he examined me, the doctor addressed Mother in hushed tones. Her response, however, was definitely not muted.

Indeed, it was liberally sprinkled with excla­ mation marks. 'Calipers, you say! That is out of the question! No son of mine is going to be clapped in irons!' And she dragged me out of the building.

Clapped in irons like a naughty sailor? I was confused. So I asked Mother what was

wrong with me. 'That quack wants to put your legs in splints,' she griped through gritted teeth.

'But I'd love to wear splints, Mother,' I responded. 'Then I could walk tall like they do at the circus and, who knows, I might even become a better goalkeeper.'

Mother stared hard at me. 'Splints, our David, NOT stilts!'

'Bandy legs, eh?' chuckled Dad when we arrived home. 'Why, I had bow legs when I was our David's age. So did my dad and my granddad before him. Funny legs run in my family. But don't worry. Our David's legs will straighten eventually. You'll see.'

What Dad didn't see was the smack Mother applied to the back of HIS legs. Dad shouted 'Ouch!' and our dog Rover dashed behind the sofa in shock. 'What did you do that for?' demanded Dad as he tried to rub his calves better.

Mother glared at him. 'In all the decades we've been together, you've never once men­ tioned your family's manky limbs. You should have told me. Now go to your room!'

'My room?' queried Dad. 'Where the hell is my room? I don't have a room. I don't even have a life now that you've started to smack my legs.'

'Then go to the pub,' Mother said. 'And never darken my doorstep until I decide to forgive you.'

'The pub? I can definitely live with that,' chortled Dad, grabbing his coat. 'Love ya!' he

called as he slammed the front door behind him.

Of course, what was really bugging Mother was that if Dad had never previously mentioned the Silver family's legs situation, what ELSE hadn't he told her over the years? About anything? I was too young at the time even to attempt to understand women's logic.

Anyway, Mother took me and my legs back to the clinic the following day and she and the doctor worked out a compromise. I was to start a calcium­enriched diet combined with a programme of exercise.

The latter involved me walking three miles a day. Dad calculated that at that rate it would take me only a couple of months to reach the outskirts of Birmingham.

And so began the next phase of my life.

Under the new regime my legs started to straighten and Mother began to relax to the extent that Dad no longer had to gird the back of his knees or scurry away when she approached him.

Indeed, Mother's proximity reverted to being a satisfying situation for Dad. True, her palms still twitched but only with a desire to lovingly stroke her once­again adorable hus­ band's balding bonce.

Oh, and there were two other positive developments: I was letting in only a couple of goals a game in our street soccer match­ es. And Rover had emerged from behind the sofa.

Friday, January 3, 2014

11

STRANGE BUT TRUE In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes!

There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo!

Should there be a crash, Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane as a precau­ tion!

Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!

The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache on a standard playing card!

There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos!

There is one slot machine in Las Vegas for every eight inhabitants!

The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off!

Every day 20 banks are robbed. The average take is €2,500!

The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad!

Tablecloths were originally meant to be served as towels with which dinner guests could wipe their hands and faces after eating!

Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!

One car out of every 230 made was stolen last year!

The names of Popeye's four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye!

Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia!

The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their hands on each other's shoulders!

When glass breaks, the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per hour. To photograph the event, a camera must shoot at a millionth of a second!

A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons of fuel!

A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute. Half an ounce is used to start the average automobile!

A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times hotter than those found at the sun's surface!

A violin contains about 70 separate pieces of wood!

It is estimated that 4 million "junk" telephone calls,

phone solicitations by persons or programmed machine are made every day in the United States!

It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

Forest fires move faster uphill than downhill!

Almost half the newspapers in the world are published in the United States and Canada!

The two­foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car win­ dows!

Most lipstick contains fish scales!

Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when typing!

One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of pollen!

It's illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a curb in St. Louis!

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigleys gum!

No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half!

A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in the air is a skein!

Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people!

There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building!

If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion!

Taphephobia is the fear of being buried alive!

A crocodile always grows new teeth to replace the old teeth!

The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!

Clinophobia is the fear of beds!

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!

Porcupines float in water!

Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye"!

The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses every letter of the alphabet!

The average life span of a major league baseball is 5­7 pitches!

The Mint once considered producing doughnut­

shaped coins!

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable"!

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 sec­ onds The sloth (a mammal) moves so slowly that green algae can grow undisturbed on its fur!

Cat urine glows under a black­light!

The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1!

The electric chair was invented by a dentist!

Windmills always turn counter­clockwise. Except for the windmills in Ireland!

A hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute on aver­ age!

Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand!

The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet at all times!

Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks!

A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night!

Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone!

A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside!

Hummingbirds can weigh less than a penny!!

Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it's known as Tennessee!

The Earth weighs around 6,600,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons (5,940 billion billion metric tons)!

A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off ­ it dies from starvation!

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie!

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year!

It's against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas!

It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a certain church in Omaha, Nebraska!

You're born with 300 bones, but when you get to be an adult, you only have 206!

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete!

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Friday, January 3, 2014

LEARN MORE ABOUT ANIMALS

Firstly, a very happy New Year to all of you and all of your pets! 2014 is going to be a very special year as here in Spain, there’s a unique event that’s being staged in May, and that’s the very first Animal Energy World Conference.

It’s going to take place in Los Alcazares at the Costa Narejos Hotel and Spa on May 10th and May 11th and it promises to be a fascinating weekend, and I’m going to be one of the speakers there!

The whole aim of the gath­ ering is to talk about how energy psychology and other energy related techniques allow us to bond with our pets, and that’s more than just dogs. Cats, horses, marine and wildlife, as well as birds will be talked about as well, with a dozen speak­ ers from around the world taking part. The conference will discuss Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), and how by using EFT and psychology, we can form an even stronger bond with ani­

mals, which can help them further as we unite with them. EFT has its roots in ancient Chinese medicine dating back over 5,000 years and is classed as a cousin to acupuncture using finger tips in place of needles.

We are all ONE, and all ONE energy, as the great Albert Einstein discovered back in 1920’s, when he said that everything is made of energy, and this of course includes animals.

As a worldwide community, we can raise the vibrational

energy for all beings on our planet including our animal kingdom, and this confer­ ence will hopefully contribute a great deal to that. It’s not going to just be about the wellbeing of our pet dogs and cats, but also abused, abandoned, and tortured animals and eventually their perpetrators. We have an inherent ability to connect with our pets; our wildlife; and our animal kingdom, but we have just forgotten how to. If we can connect or help one animal, then we truly

have shifted not only our own vibrational energy to a higher state but that of the animal; raising collectively the ener­ gy field of our planet. That will then lead to a peaceful and happy world filled with love and gratitude for all liv­ ing creatures around us.

The speakers over the two day gathering are experts covering all kinds of commu­ nication and psychology techniques, which will allow you to have fun by connect­ ing more with animals. If you go along, then you’ll learn more about your pets and animal friends, as well as picking up some simple tech­ niques to interact and help your pet as well as other ani­ mals in your everyday sur­ roundings. The experts will share their experiences with you, allowing you to under­ stand animals even better,

and you’ll learn about how surrogate work is simple and effective for animals, as well as getting the inside track on some exclusive “cutting edge” techniques that will put you ahead of the pack.

There’s something for everybody at the event, whether you are a pet owner or just an animal lover, or of course somebody involved professionally, like being a vet or running a kennel or a stable. If you are just inter­ ested in learning more about animal behaviour, then there’ll be plenty to keep you enthralled amongst the list of guest speakers. For exam­ ple, Ferris Jay from Ireland will be talking about why you are vital to your pet’s healing, and I of course will be dis­ cussing why dogs have a lot more to teach us than we have to teach them. Other

subjects will also be about improving your communica­ tion skills with animals, and using EFT to help animals that have been emotionally abused. There’s also a talk about the gentle healing powers of Flower Remedies that was first uncovered 80 years ago! So much of what the experts will be sharing over this May weekend have their roots going back many years, but mainly for humans. They’ve used some lateral thinking to introduce our animals and wildlife into the mix, which makes for a much more balanced and happy life that we can all enjoy by sharing more together. I look forward to seeing some of you in Los Alcazeres in May! For more details please go to www.animalenergy­ worldconference.com

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? This Podenco was saved from being run over on a busy road, he was very afraid but completely exhausted. He is good with other dogs and is very affec­ tionate. Call: 645 469 253 www.petsinspain.com

Podenco Skippy is a young 8 month old male mixed breed dog, who will grow to a medium size. Skippy is very friendly and loves people and other dogs. He would be a fan­ tastic dog to have with chil­ dren as he is very playful and affectionate. Please call 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Skippy NIKITA, a little girl weighing just over 5kgs, and is about 1 1/2 years old. She is full of fun, loves the world and a real delight.Please call Linda on: 965725794 or visit our website / www.ani­ malaidcostablanca.org

This beautiful Mastin cross is just 4 months old and was found wandering the streets in Torrevieja. She is good with other dogs and cats.

Call: 645 469 253 www.pet­ sinspain.com

Harry is part of a litter of 9 puppies who were abando­ ned in a cardboard box at a few weeks old. He is a medium sized dog with a lovely nature. If you would like to meet Harry and his brothers and sisters, please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Harry

Urgent Foster Home Needed Perla is 15 months old, she was given away by her owner. She is a sweet girl, but nervous, she would suit someone who has time to spend with her one to one.

She has been spayed and had all her injections. Call 616655789 for more details www.catsndogsaid.com

Berry and Holly were given these names when they were adopted as kittens last Christmas. Sadly, they are still looking for homes this Christmas, could yours be their loving home this Christmas? To meet them and the other 80+ cats and kittens in APAH's Cattery, please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Carrie born approx Jan 2013 is a beautiful mixed breed dog that was found wande­ ring with her two sisters, she is a medium to large girl, she has such a lovely tempera­ ment, she is very good with other dogs and cats. For more info on Carrie please call 650 304 746. Or email p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail .com

Perla

Berry

Carrie

Friday, January 3, 2014

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Friday, January 3, 2014

DRINK AND BE SENSIBLY MERRY

Spain is still a very popular holiday destination for many for­ eign tourists, with many visitors enjoying all the sun, sand, and sangria (and perhaps other things!). In the past, when we came for holidays we all loved our week or two of relaxing and enjoy­ ing a well­deserved break, but what happens when our journey to Spain is the start of a new life, and not just a holiday break?

I think it is common for those of us who make the move, to kick off with a bit of a holiday feel. We like to settle into life at a relaxed pace, and after all there is a lot to get sorted but once it´s done then we are all able to ease ourselves into Spanish life. Once we are on the padron and have our residencies along with anything else we need, we can actually start to live. For some, that means a welcome relaxing retirement and for others it means the search for work. So, when do we begin to realise that we are living here and that this is no longer a holiday?

For some it takes longer than for others. Those of us that need to work of course have to adjust to life here quicker than someone who is getting a pension. Then there are the people who, whether they have to work or not, cannot seem to realise that this is not their holiday; that this is their day to day and that anything they do, they are going to be doing for a long time! I´m not a fan of too much alcohol, having had first­hand experience of what it can turn some people into. Having said that, along with many folk, I do enjoy a glass of wine in the evening with a meal or relaxing in front of the tele. I´ve never been a big drinker and don´t think I ever could be but I have seen people

who like to drink and have more than is good for them. I never really noticed it when I lived in the UK and worked for the police, there were officers that were hardened drinkers but I never mixed with them and it was seen as part of the job, especially among the CID. Over here, there are people who tell me they never drank when they lived in Britain, but now they think noth­ ing of downing a bottle or two of wine or several beers a night.

Don´t get me wrong. People’s drinking habits really are nothing to do with me, as long as they´ve paid into the health system, and when their body begins to break down because of the excess alcohol, I suppose they are entitled to treatment, though I would far rather see my social security payments go towards helping someone with cancer or some other non­self­inflicted ill­ ness or injury.

The thing about alcohol abuse, as with smoking, is that there is nearly always someone else who will suffer from their incon­ sideration, even if the person isn´t violent or rude it´s still, in my opinion, not nice to be with someone who is regularly drunk.

Although drunk may seem a hard word to use, as people who drink a lot never think they are even tipsy, anyone who downs a few alcoholic drinks a night should be drunk, even if they don´t feel it, and I would be worried if I drank more than a couple of glasses of wine and didn´t feel any adverse effects. At the end of the day, what type of person is likely to become someone who cannot get past the holiday mentality until it is too late? Is there even a type or could anyone become a victim? I don´t think it is

just those who don´t have to work, although it is easier to fall into that trap of having all day with nothing to do. How much though is too much? Guidelines seem to change daily as to what is a safe amount to drink and people will decide for them­ selves. Those who drink a little every day will say it´s better than those who binge drink on weekends and at the moment current reports would tend to agree, however, how much is a safe amount or is any alcohol at all bad? I believe people decide for themselves. I drink what I feel like drinking, whether it´s a glass of wine a night or nothing for a week or two. I never have the need to drink, and sometimes I just fancy it. My drink­ ing doesn´t put my son at risk as I am never drunk and my days of falling into bed in a drunken stupor are long gone. I don´t like being drunk, or even tipsy, so I stop at a glass and enjoy the next day not feeling like my head will explode. I don´t need a drink to be able to sleep and I care about my body, wanting to be here for as long as possible for my son.

But this is my choice, and you all have yours. Just think about the people that share your life, and if your drinking isn´t affecting them. If you don´t drink enough to damage your body, then carry on as you are, but if you feel, even ever so slightly that those you hold dear aren´t happy with what you´re consuming in alcohol, or you yourself decide that possibly you have a few too many, then maybe it´s time to look at your habits a bit closer. Live life, enjoy it, don´t waste a second, and have a great, memorable 2014.

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Friday, January 3, 2014

The season of good will has started early in Moscow, unless Vladimir Putin has hit the vodka bottle.

The Russian leader has adopted the Western calen­ dar in releasing a whole col­ lection of people, rather then waiting for the Orthodox Christmas Day this coming Tuesday. In the last fortnight, the Pussy Riot pop band pro­ testors have been given an amnesty, along with the Greenpeace crew, and one of Vlad’s big enemies, the tycoon Mikhail Khodorkovsky. Many political prisoners are still behind bars, and there’s no move­

PUTIN ON THE RIGHT FACE ment on gay rights, but you have to be living in cloud cuckoo land not to believe that this prominent release list surely has absolutely nothing to do with trying to curry international favour ahead of the Winter Olympics in Sochi next month.

You have to hand it to the Spanish PM, Mariano Rajoy. He always promises some jam tomor­

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row over the state of the economy, and he’s now promising a positive recovery this year, which will start to eat into the dreadful unem­ ployment figures (Even the European Council President,

Van Rompuy believes things are on the up!). We all hope that Rajoy’s correct of course, and he’s to be given some credit for stepping in and stopping the double­digit electricity price rise that should have kicked in this week. Besides it being a body blow for the millions of families who are living on the borderline, it would have been political dynamite for Rajoy and the PP. So much then for cutting government subsidies on electricity tariffs!

Staying with the “jam tomorrow” brigade, I’m going to miss the Murcia President, Ramon Valcarcel, when he quits this spring to become a Euro MP. He’s spent most of the autumn telling everybody that a deal will be “struck” in weeks to

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move the airport at San Javier to the new facilities at Corvera. We’re still waiting, or is it just a personal time pressure for Valcarcel as the new facility will make it more convenient for him for his jaunts to Brussels and Strasbourg in his new expense­laden position?

As The Courier hits the presses, we don’t know for absolute certain whether or not there has been a change in political control at Orihuela council. The big vote is scheduled for today (Friday) and as a couple of friends who live in that area have told me, “they’re all as bad as each other”. What a shame as well that all the massive energies expended by the various parties to either stay in power or wrest

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control were not partially directed in improving the lives of everybody in the region!

2014 is going to be a big year in Britain for UKIP, with the European elections to look forward to.

After a shambolic confer­ ence featuring the antics of Godfrey Bloom, Nigel Farage knows that they need to do well, as they did five years ago, to get any sort of traction before the 2015 General Election.

So much for David Cameron cheer­leading for Andy Murray and Mo Farrah to be knighted in the New Year’s Honours!

Nothing for them, but plenty for his political cronies. No wonder nobody trusts a sin­ gle word any politician says.

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Tony

Friday, January 3, 2014

Mayes

HE ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO SHOUT ABOUT

HERE’S HOPING FOR 2014

That's another year over, and we've launched our­ selves into the next, with par­ ties, presents, over­indul­ gence and probably with a bit of regret that we've spent a bit too much and added to the waistline in the process.

It's that time when we try to look to the future and proba­ bly hope, rather than expect, that things will be a bit better this year than the last.

I'm sure all of you have a wish (or hope) list for 2014 ­ I wonder how many of them I share with you. Here's my top 10 list:­ 1. That we all try harder this year to respect each other's feelings and not do things that hurt and damage.

2. That people do that bit more to watch over those that are on their own and lonely.

3. Let 2014 be the year when we get that longed­for breakthrough to beat cancer and, for good measure, some of the other horrible diseases too.

4. That people finally realise that living a life of try­ ing to get something for noth­ ing is abhorrent; that govern­ ment continues to tighten the rules and judges crack down even harder on the cheats and scroungers.

5. That bosses finally get the message that awarding themselves big pay rises and giving staff a pittance is an absolute disgrace.

6. That UK councils finally understand that they cannot go on milking taxpayers and motorists simply to spend more money on trivia.

7. That dog owners realise that not everyone appreci­ ates howling and barking dogs and dog filth every­ where and decide either to be responsible owners or pass pets on to more caring and thoughtful owners.

8. That people recycle more of their household waste and, more importantly, don't spoil the environment by leaving litter about.

9. That when we're driving we indicate what we are going to do on roundabouts and junctions and not expect everyone else to be mind readers.

10. That we all try to be happier in 2014; and come to terms with the fact that there are more good things in life than bad and if we tried a bit harder, there could be a lot less bad things.

Britain had a great pre­ Christmas boost when the Centre for Economics and Business Research

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announced that by 2030, it will leapfrog Germany to become Europe’s largest economy. It also said Britain was the second best­per­ forming economy in the Western world after the US ­ and that Socialist France was one of the worst. What a fillip this was for the eco­ nomic policies of the Coalition. Just cast your minds back a couple of years when that clown Ed Balls kept badgering about the need for Britain to spend itself out of reces­ sion, suggesting the government spend billions on capital projects. What a load of trouble he caused try­ ing to persuade all and sundry he was right and everyone else was wrong. If he had got his way, Britain would by now be in an appalling mess with a debt much bigger than the colos­ sal one it still has. What Britain's economic exercise has proved is that old fash­ ioned Socialism just doesn't work ­ it's driven France into a dreadful mess thanks to voters opting for Hollande.

But in the UK, unemployment keeps coming down, and all economic indicators keep going up. It's all but silenced Balls, leaving both he and Miliband to grasp at two remaining straws ­ that prices are going up faster than wages and making an increasing number of people reliant on food banks. The former is now Cameron's Achilles Heel. The longer that employers vote to give them­ selves big pay rises and keep wages for their employ­ ees as low as possible, the greater the anger will become. The gulf between the rich and poorest in UK society is ever widening, and unless the government takes unmistakable steps to redress this, all their efforts so far to heal the economy will be put at risk. The rise in the use of food banks is a sad indictment on society and undoubtedly many of the people using them are in need. The number of food banks has increased and

obviously that has caused their use to rise. But I wonder whether much of it is not yet another political ploy to try to convince voters that all is not quite so well with the UK economy as we might think.

The other side of the coin is to see the hoards of people flocking to the shops to take advantage of the pre and post­Christmas sales and we hear of the many billions of pounds that have been spent on a shopping bonanza over the past few weeks. Sadly, much of it will have been on credit and I wouldn't mind hazarding a guess that many will be pleading poverty not many weeks from now. Case in point is the much publi­ cised 28­year­old, unem­ ployed, single parent who borrowed £1,690 from pay­ day loan companies to buy Christmas presents for her two children, buying them a bike, a TV, computer games and loads more. She faces having to pay back £3,000 starting from around now.

She and countless others are so ridiculously stupid with money that they will always be in a financial mess regardless of how good the economy is. But this 28­year­ old might not be quite as stu­ pid as might at first appear, because I'm sure that news­ paper cheque­book journal­ ism being what it is, the astute woman has probably made a handsome profit by selling her story ­ making her children look stupid in the process wouldn't enter her

thinking. On the other hand, there are undoubtedly many more self­indulgent and irre­ sponsible fools who will not be able to take advantage of newspaper cheques.

We always hear from charities about the num­ ber of people and children in the UK that live in poverty.

But the very definition of ‘poverty’ in Britain has become so blurred, that it’s hard to know who’s genuine­ ly in desperate need — and who’s simply not as well­off as they’d like to be.

According to the Child Poverty Action Group there are 3.5 million children living in poverty in Britain — more than one in four of all chil­ dren. Plain common sense alone tells you such statistics simply cannot be true — until you read their small print which defines ‘poverty’ as being families who "lack resources to obtain the type of diet, participate in the activities and have the living conditions and amenities which are customary, or at least widely encouraged and approved, in the societies to which they belong". In other words, if families can’t afford takeaways, go on foreign holidays, wear designer trainers and have satellite TV like their better­off neigh­ bours, then they’re ‘living in poverty’. Try telling that to a starving child in Africa or an orphan fleeing war­torn Syria with just the rags on their back and it gets the whole thing into perspective. Those

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people in Britain living in cri­ sis pretty quickly get support.

Sadly we have so many left­ leaning charities who put out cynically misleading state­ ments about Britain’s starv­ ing masses simply to further Labour's cause. Take it all with a big pinch of salt!

Regular readers of my column will know how much I dislike local councils ­ mainly because they are filled with do­gooders or con­ trol freaks who have a whale of a time spending other peo­ ple's money. And the lead up to Christmas is an annual bonanza for councils to splash taxpayers' cash. Up and down Britain they were at it, hiring so called person­ alities from reality TV or The X­Factor to switch on Christmas lights. Take the former X­Factor winner Matt Cardle who pocketed £5,000 to switch on Basildon's Christmas lights, and should have done the same thing in South Ayrshire but he missed his flight and lost out on his reported £4,000 fee.

Councils across the country have blown £1.8million since the general election in May 2010 hiring celebrities, according to an investigation with details obtained cour­ tesy of the Freedom of Information Act. The total spend could be far higher as 98 out of 434 councils sur­ veyed failed to respond.

South Tyneside Council spent £285,600 in three years hiring celebrities for free concerts in an effort to

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give the area a boost. Local authorities have blown tax­ payers money to hire stars to turn up at cheesy staff awards ceremonies, sports centre opening ceremonies and public events.

In Perth, Z­list TOWIE 'star' Mark Wright was given £7,000 plus £132 for flights and £150 for travel ­ all for just one hour of work. Former Westlife star Brian McFadden ­ who was famous in the 1990s ­ was paid £2,500 by Denbighshire Council, Wales, to perform six songs and turn on the lights. The list goes on and on. I don't want to be a killjoy and dampen Christmas fun, but is this a fit and proper way for councils to spend taxpayers' money? Of course the idea is to attract people to town and city centres to shop ­ but they will come anyway if they think there's a bargain to be had. And shouldn't it be for local chambers of com­ merce to provide and pay for entertainment outside shops ­ after all it's their members who are going to benefit?

Finally on the subject of councils, I saw a story that authorities this year are set to raise the biggest ever sum from car parking charges and fines, with motorists likely to be hit even harder. Isn't it about time the UK government put an end to this constant “merry go round” of councils raising car parking charges and creating all manner of restrictions to trap ever more motorists?

Strange, isn't it, that Miliband and co raise hell about those dreadful energy companies raising prices, but keep very quiet about above inflation rises in council charges ­ or could it be that the biggest offenders are Labour con­ trolled?

The story that disgusted me the most over Christmas was hearing that an experienced surgeon had branded a patient's liver with his initials during surgery.

What on earth is society coming to, with this sort of thing going on? What on earth possessed him to do such a thing? Apparently he used argon gas to burn the initials ­ and is not harmful, but none the less an obnox­ ious act. Obviously people are proud of the work they do. Artists sign their paint­ ings; authors sign books; and reporters love to see their by­ lines on stories. But since when was a liver an auto­ graph book?

I hope this twit gets the book thrown at him!

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Friday, January 3, 2014

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Friday, January 3, 2014

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 103

itself will come in time.

I don´t remember the first time I had a conversa­ tion in Spanish without thinking about it, it just kind of happened, however I do remember the feeling of embarrassment when faced with a Spanish per­ son and being expected to talk to them, I suppose when things go well we tend to forget and the things that we have to work at or find embarrassing stay with us. Maybe that´s the reason why we find it so hard, we think it´s going to be difficult and so we put up a mental block. The best way to break that down is by doing it and the best place to do it is somewhere secure like a classroom, where no one will laugh at you but you are placed under some amount of pressure. If you don´t feel classes are the way to go then speak to Spanish people, there has to be some practise outside of your home or you will never gain the courage to speak.

Hi, and welcome to a new year and a new chance to improve your Spanish. This year we will be going over some old stuff and learning some new things. As I have been writing these lessons for two years now I am aware that some people have missed some and so will be always checking and changing levels, so there will be something for everyone this year. As ever, if there is something you wish to revise or something new you want to learn, send an e­mail to me via the Courier and I will do my best to incorporate it into a lesson. ¿Habéis hecho algun resolución por el año nuevo? Yo nunca los hago, porque si quiero hacer algo o dejar algo, lo hago cuando quiero, no solo por un año nuevo, pero entiendo que, para algunas personas el comienzo de un año es un buen momento para cambiar cosas. Yo, personalmente, espero que todos los fumadores hayan dejado el tabaco este nuevo año, pero sé que es un sueño mío!

I hope you understood the above paragraph, there is a mixture of tenses and of course verbs, but as we know, understanding and doing are two very different things.

So, this new year let me talk a bit about learning a new lan­ guage. For the majority of us it is a long road, and if you´ve stayed with me this long well done! And keep with it, it´s all worth the hard work in the end. Wherever you are on our journey into Spanish the road ahead is a long one, whether you´re beginning the journey or well on your way, there is no stopping learning. Unless you are particularly adept at learn­ ing languages then the journey you´re on will last many years, but as I always explain, nothing feels as good as being able to understand someone talking in a language other than

our own and it is a great sensation to be able to reply.

As this is the beginning of the year I´m not going to bom­ bard you with new things to learn, straight away, we all need time to revise, to go over things that we have learnt and to put into practise what we are learning.

As I have mentioned, reading a passage in Spanish is completely different to saying it. There is no small amount of confidence needed for talking Spanish, and even friends of mine to whom I give lessons feel slightly nervous and embar­ rassed talking with me in a classroom environment, however step by step everyone can grow in confidence until they are content to speak to whomever they want to with self belief.

This is something that comes with practise, and like Spanish

Make 2014 the year you improve your Spanish, whether it be to speak to someone or to learn new verbs, don´t think of it as a resolution, more a way of life and something that you are continuing, how­ ever if this is the year that you start to learn Spanish then welcome to this awesome language, you are well on the way to improving not only your social skills now you live in this beautiful country but also your memory and by keeping your brain active you are keeping it young. So go for it, take your time, learn at your own pace, look up past les­ sons for revision as often as you can, go over my revision lessons with any that you got wrong but the most important advice I can give you, from someone for whom languages are a mine field and learning them is a nightmare, and some­ one who only started learning in my mid thirties, is: don´t give up. This is a long road and appears never ending, but one day, with a lot of work and patience you will get there. Most of all, enjoy the ride!

Friday, January 3, 2014

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Friday, January 3, 2014

WAYS TO BURN FAT FASTER

Read on for some medically proven moves that'll make it happen — and help you drop some pounds.

Stock up on green tea

more, it gives your metabolism an added boost after you exercise: It remains in over­ drive for up to two hours after the last bench press. Strapped for time? Try these quick moves: squats, bench step­ups, lunges, push­ups, pull­ups and crunches. In a pinch, just do single sets of 10 for each exercise — you'll get optimal results for the time invest­ ed.

Eat iron

such as fatigue and weakness, ask your doctor to test you for anaemia (it's a simple blood test) at your next physical.

Order water — and ask for a refill

A new German study found that when you drink 17 ounces of water (about two glass­ es) within a certain time frame, your meta­ bolic rate shoots up by about 30 percent.

Using these results, they estimate that by increasing your current water intake by 1.5 litres a day, a person would burn an extra 17,400 calories a year, resulting in about a five­pound weight loss.

Avoid alcohol

Green tea isn't known only for its cancer­ fighting benefits: It may help boost your metabolism, too. People who took green­tea extract three times a day saw their metabolic rate increase by about 4 percent, according to a study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. (Translation: You could burn an extra 60 calories a day, which equals about six pounds a year!) It may be because green tea contains catechins, which increase levels of the metabolism­ speeding brain chemical norepinephrine.

Pump iron

Weight training is the ultimate way to burn calories fast. A pound of muscle burns up to nine times the calories of a pound of fat.

Weight training increases your resting meta­ bolic rate, which is the number of calories you burn while sitting on your butt. What's

10­minute­mile pace, for example, add a 30­ second sprint every five minutes. Or add a one­minute incline to your treadmill work out every five minutes. Even if you just have 10 minutes for a quick workout, you can walk at a normal pace and then add in a 30­second bout of speed­walking every three minutes.

Do more dairy

Women who ate low­fat dairy products, such as non­fat yogurt and low­fat cheese, three to four times a day lost 70 percent more fat than low­dairy dieter. Calcium serves as a switch that tells your body to burn excess fat faster. Sorry, but you won't reap the same benefits from calcium­fortified O.J. Research shows that you get the best results from dairy products themselves, not fortified foods. Aim for 1,200 mg, which includes about three servings of dairy a day.

Take up a new sport

Yeah, we just told you to pump iron, but you also need to eat it. If you don't have enough of this mineral, your body can't get enough oxygen to your cells, which slows down your metabolism. Most multivitamins contain around 18 mg (the RDA for adults); you can also get your fill by eating three to four daily servings of foods rich in iron, such as lean red meat, chicken, fortified cereal and soy nuts. If you are feeling symptoms

NEW YEAR - NEW YOU Dream, Believe, Achieve

Over the past few months I have tried to give you lots of useful tips about diet and lifestyle and I know from my postbag that many of you found them very useful and in some cases using this information you have been able to make changes to improve your life. Well I’m going to start this year by asking you to take a short quiz. Simply answer yes or no.

Have you made any New Year resolutions? yes ­ no Do you want to improve your health this year? yes ­ no Do you want to lose weight this year? yes ­ no Do you want to make lifestyle changes? yes ­ no Do you want to change your image? yes ­ no Have you broken any of these resolutions yet? yes ­ no If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you would probably appreciate some help and support to achieve your goals.

We have made New Years resolutions ourselves here at SlimFit are ours are to Dream, Believe, and Achieve. Last year was a difficult year for many and we include ourselves in that but with the New Year we have New Premises, a New Image, New Plans and Goals and a New Approach to our Thinking. This year we intend to Dream, Believe, Achieve and we want to be able to help as many of our readers as we can to do the same.

Don’t be alone with your aims, don’t be outfaced and think you will never achieve them, don’t give up at the first hurdle give us a call and let us help you to achieve. Lose weight, loose inches, de stress and detox, get fitter, stop smoking, make lifestyle changes, and change your image all of these things often require professional help and advice to achieve.

Here at SlimFit we have the qualifications, experience and expertise to help you to believe you can do these things and fulfil your dreams. We can’t help you win the lottery but we sin­ cerely want to help you to do the rest.

To show how much we want to do this we are offering some super freebies worth in excess of 500 euros worth of prizes 6 Complete Lifestyle Makeovers 3 Aqua Detox Sessions (3 separate winners) 2 Laser Lipolysis Sessions (fat busting and cellulite) (separate winners) 1 Colour Image Session 1 Allergy Testing Session All you have to do to claim your freebie is contact us with your preference of prize and the first emails in each categories will be contacted to arrange your sessions, Email__________________________________________ Telephone______________________________________ Facebook______________________________________

Want to keep your favourite meals from going straight to your hips (thighs, belly)?

Wash them down with water, not wine.

Alcohol slows your metabolism by depress­ ing the central nervous system. A British study found that when alcohol was added to a high­fat, high­calorie meal, less dietary fat was burned off and more was stored as body fat.

Rev up workouts

Interval training — in which you add bursts of high­intensity moves into your workout — is a sure­fire metabolism boost­ er. Researchers at Laval University in Quebec found that high­intensity interval training burns more fat than regular, consis­ tent aerobic exercise. If you usually jog at a

Are you like Old Faithful when it comes to your morning walk or evening jog? Know this: The more you do an activity, the more your body adapts to it, so you burn fewer calories. If you want to light a fire under your metabolism, consider cross­training. For example, if you normally walk, try biking instead. Since you're not used to working all those different muscles, it's a more intense workout, which can translate into a greater metabolic after­burn because your body is working harder to recover and get oxygen to all your tissues.

ALLERGIES AND PETS DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

Pets can be a source of joy, however keeping them can be very distressing for people who suffer from pet allergies. Studies show that approximately 15 percent of the population is allergic to dogs or cats. In a study of 341 adults who were allergic to cats or dogs and had been advised by their physi­ cians to give up their pets, only one out of five did.

What’s more, 122 of them got another pet after a previ­ ous one had died. It’s clear the benefits of pet compan­ ionship outweigh the draw­ backs of pet allergies for many owners. Pet allergies occur because glands in the animal’s skin secrete tiny allergy­triggering proteins, called allergens that linger in the animal’s fur and also

float easily in the air.

Allergens are present in the animal’s saliva and urine, too, and may become air­ borne when saliva dries on the fur.

The major allergen of the domestic cat is produced in the saliva and sebaceous (oil) glands in the skin. Cats' constant cleaning causes this allergen to be spread on their fur. When it dries, it flakes off with the slightest movement. Cat allergens are as sticky as tape, so they easily adhere to clothes, carpets, and furni­ ture. Dogs with soft, con­ stantly growing hair may be less irritating to some indi­ viduals, although this may be because they are bathed and groomed more frequent­ ly. One dog or cat of a partic­

ular breed may be more irri­ tating to an individual allergy sufferer than another animal of that same breed. Here are steps you can take to protect against pet allergies. Create an “allergy­free” zone in the home—preferably the bed­ room—and strictly prohibit the pet’s access. Consider using impermeable covers for the mattress and pillows.

Clean frequently and thor­ oughly.

Bathing your pet on a weekly basis can reduce the level of allergens on fur by as much as 84 percent.

Even cats can become accustomed to being bathed!

FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN CALL DR MANNU: 965071745

Friday, January 3, 2014

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Friday, January 3, 2014

SPANISH MOVE MADE US ILL Q

Since I moved to Spain 14 months ago my husband and I have not been in good health which is really why we decided to relocate. I will say that my health problems started soon after I got here and started having severe coughing episodes with nose congestions and headaches.

I went to the hospital and blood tests and X­rays were car­ ried out which showed no problems. The doctor suspected it was some form of infection and prescribed antibiotics which helped treat the problem. Shortly after, my husband started experiencing pains and muscle spasms on both legs and he visited the doctor who could not tell him what was causing the pains. Since then we have had all sorts of ill health. I have suffered from abdominal pains, sleeping problems and my husband thinks he is losing his hair. We were in great health before we moved to Spain, and cannot understand why all this is happening. The hospitals haven’t been of much help, and we will appreciate any advice you can give us.

You mentioned that you and your husband were in good health before you relocated to Spain and your health prob­ lems started shortly after. It seems to me that your recurring health problems may be caused by exposure to a chemical sub­ stance in your home here in Spain that was not present in your previous location. I presume you moved into a newly built apart­ ment, or perhaps bought some new furniture when you came over here. Depending on where you live in Spain, the presence of sea salt and the salt lakes, which although very beneficial to health, can cause high levels of humidity leading to increased dampness in homes. Damp conditions favour the growth of sev­ eral strains of moulds that can cause some of the symptoms you describe. Recently I had a patient who had a similar history to yours, having moved to Spain, she soon after developed res­ piratory problems. After a diagnostic scan, I discovered that she had unusually high levels of mycotoxins from moulds in her body. Subsequently she moved out of the house she was rent­

A

ing and regained her health after a detox program. Toxins from newly acquired furniture and products may also be behind your health problems. Moving to a new country also means getting exposed to a new environment and perhaps a change in lifestyle. This applies not just to furniture but also household cleaning products and toiletries such as deodorants. I strongly suspect that the cause of your illness lies within your immediate surroundings. You should consider having a building specialist inspect your house to make sure that the damp proof course and other vital building requirements for your house are in order.

You should also consider sticking to products especially clean­ ing and bathing products you have used in the past. It is possi­ ble that your symptoms are caused by completely different fac­ tors, and so you should have an extensive diagnostic check­up to accurately determine the cause of your health problems.

Last year in March, I started having pains in my lower left leg. I went to the salud and the doctor prescribed pain killers which didn’t help at all. Then sometime in March I was hospitalized because I had very severe chest pains and was unconscious for many days. The hospital later found out that I had clots in my leg. I was discharged from hospital unable to walk without support. I don’t have pain in my legs, but feel a bit off balance when I try to walk.

I am a 75 year old woman, and I take tablets for blood pres­ sure. I will appreciate any advice you can give.

It’s unfortunate your doctor missed the blood clot in your leg. From your history, it appears the clot from the lower leg eventually found its way to your heart and brain causing the symptoms that led to your hospital admission. Blood clots in the legs are usually caused by atherosclerosis, the medical term for hardening and narrowing of the arteries due to plaque build­up.

Atherosclerosis can develop in any of the arteries of the body; however it commonly occurs in the arteries that supply blood to the heart and brain. When these arteries are blocked, a heart attack or stroke occurs. The hospital will have prescribed blood

Q

A

thinners such as aspirin or warfarin to prevent future recur­ rences of the clot. It is still unclear if these medications are use­ ful for preventing blood clots. Aspirin has been shown to dam­ age the kidney and liver at doses above 100 mgs daily. The dif­ ficulty you are having with walking is probably due to brain dam­ age from the possible stroke you suffered. This type of minor damage is known as a neurological deficit, and it means that an area of the brain has been damaged. In such cases, the only useful treatment is a regenerative therapy to rebuild the dam­ aged area. The good news is that nerve tissues can regenerate if adequately supported. Laminine is a unique supplement that supports regeneration of nerve tissues as well as other tissues.

It stands alone because it is the only supplement available that contains Fibroblast Growth Factor (FGF) – a protein that stimu­ lates the growth of reserve or stem cells. These reserve cells or fibroblasts are found in the heart, nerves, brain, bone marrow and muscle tissues. In other words, the FGF contained in Laminine helps our body repair itself. Laminine also contains all 22 essential amino acids. These amino acids are known as essential because we need them but our bodies cannot make them, and so we can only get them from food. Amino acids are vital for making DNA and other genetic materials, and so are referred to as the building blocks of life. Our skin, muscles, hair and many organs are mainly built from amino acids. We receive amino acids by digesting proteins from plant and animal food.

But as we age, the entire digestive system may become dys­ functional, leading to poor digestion and absorption. Many stud­ ies have shown a reduction in the absorption of amino acids in the elderly. Without amino acids our bodies are unable to repair the damage that occurs from the everyday wear and tear of our organs which leads to many diseases that we have come to associate with ageing especially disorders of the heart and brain. Laminine contains readymade amino acids that are absorbed straight into the body for repairing damaged organs.

Amino acids also help detoxify the body. Laminine can be ordered by calling MedB on 965071745

Friday, January 3, 2014

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Happy New Year London (and Edinburgh, Berlin, Moscow...)!

Midnight sets off dazzling celebrations for 2014 around the world

Thousands of locals residents gather to see the fireworks display and Fireworks explode over Palm Jumeirah in Dubai The country kicked off New Year with a dazzling bid for a new world record. celebrate the New Year at the Red Square in Moscow

In Scotland, about 80,000 people are expected in Edinburgh city centre More than one million people packed the water and shoreline of Sydney's harbour to watch the annual fireworks spectacular for the famous Hogmanay street party

The sky above London burst into a riot of colours last night as the new year was welcomed in with one of the most spectacular fireworks dis足 Hundred thousands of people celebrated New Year's Eve welcoming the new year 2014 in Germany's capital plays for years

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Friday, January 3, 2014

MAD SANTAS Money beans

Three brave souls braved the cold sea at La Zenia beach on Christmas Day in aid of the San Miguel Association of Neighbours Archangels food parcel appeal. Donning Santa suits were Jon Wing, Jay Smart and Paul Clements from the Nook Bar, Las Filipinas.

Donations made by the Nook Bar and their customers which so far stands at 500 Euros will be used to buy food and essentials for the needy people of San Miguel de Salinas.

One man and his island

The classic tale of Robinson Crusoe facing up to some blood­thirsty pirates will be this year’s panto for the Campoverde Theatre Group early in February. Man Friday, of course, will make an appearance in a show that’s full of fun and music for all of the family.

The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe will be staged at the Casa de Cultura in San Miguel on Friday 7th, Saturday 8th and Sunday 9th of February. Tickets are now available from Bargain Books in San Miguel, or you can phone Colin on 966 774 127, and if you live in Campoverde, you can contact Adele on 966 762 114.

Be a real smartie!

All fans of the famous Smarties sweets are asked to put a big date in their diary, namely Friday May 30th, with a major fund­raiser for the Elche Children’s Home. That’s the May Ball at Algorfa’s La Finca Golf and Spa Resort which will be a Smart Night hosted by Spanish Life Properties, who came up recently with the idea of filling up empty Smarties tubes with money in aid of the home.

Tickets for the night will cost 19 Euros each, and for full details of the Charity Ball and how to get tickets or if you would like to take part in The Smarties Fun Fundraising Project, please E­mail:­ sueinthesun@hotmail.co.uk

The Stagestruck Drama group had more than just beans to give away recently. In fact it was the very tidy sum of 1850 Euros that was raised through their recent panto, Jack and the Beanstalk, all in aid of the Torrevieja Alzheimer’s Disease charity, AFA. It’s President, Matilde Sanchez received the cheque before Christmas from the Stagestruck team that has over 30 members that put on shows to have a good time and to raise money for worthwhile local causes.

CHRISTIAN SPIRIT

40 Torrevieja youngsters got some unexpected Christmas presents, thanks to the city’s International Christian Assembly. Once again the congregation dug deep into their pockets to help the children, whose families are on the regis­ ter of the local homeless charity, Reach Out. Pictured left, with some of the youngsters at the Christingle service is pastor Raphael Restrepo, who said: "It never ceas­ es to amaze me how generous the people in our church are.

Every year the amount raised increases and we can provide presents to children who would otherwise have had a very sad Christmastime." Also in the picture (right) is trainee pas­ tor, Carlos.

SEVEN UP

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves will be up to their usual seasonal tricks as the Rojales Pantomime Group stages their annual show next week at the Los Montesinos Music School. The panto will be put on next Thursday January 9th and Friday January 10th, with curtain up at 7.30pm, along with a Saturday matinee on January 11th, starting at 2.30pm. Tickets cost 7 Euros for adults and 5 Euros for children, and there’s a special group discount where 10 or more adults can enjoy the entertainment at 6 Euros per head. The group have so far raised over 10 thou­ sand Euros for local charities. To reserve a ticket call Tina on 966 797 683.

Rascals rest

It’s break­time for The Rascals group, after last month’s performances of Odyssey, as well as several carol concerts and parties around Torrevieja. Their next show will be the “The Best of Times, which will be put on this spring. The Rascals not only stage shows as charity fund­raisers(like in the pictured event last year for ALPE) but they also put on social events and get involved in the local community. To find out more details, look at their website, www.therascals.info or come along to their Open Day at Sacko´s Bar, El Limonar, Torrevieja on Thursday February 13th between 3pm and 7pm., where you can chat to some of the club members.

Gifts aplenty!

Kind­hearted customers at Carmen’s Bar and Restaurante in the El Chaparral area of Torrevieja have made sure that the youngsters of the Elche Children’s Home will get plenty of gifts for the Three Kings celebrations this weekend. Fund­ raising events throughout the year including a Cup Cake Day and a sponsored walk have meant that a fantastic 18 hun­ dred Euros in presents have been raised for the children.

HELPING THE COMMUNITY

Neighbourhood Watch in Campoverde have once again helped to make it a better holiday season by collecting food, clothes and toys for Caritas in Pilar de la Horadada and the San José Orphanage in Orihuela. The Caritas charity was given over 300 kilos of food, sweets, and toys, in addition to a donation of 755 Euros for the Cabo Roig Happy Days Golf Association. The Orphanage youngsters were given toys, clothes, and jewellery, with the Neighbourhood Watch already planning to collect and donate for Caritas in 2014.

ALL ASHORE

The next meeting for the Torrevieja branch of the Royal Naval Association will be this Wednesday January 8th at the Restaurante El Paraiso, starting at 5.00pm. For more details, call the chairman, Mike Wright, on 966 722 895.

Friday, January 3, 2014

25

MANUEL’S BIG NIGHT LADYBIRDS BLOOM

IN CANCER FIGHT

A Benijofar teenager was given a big boost as the Torrevieja Pipes and drums; the Benijofar drummers; the Algorfa choir; and even Pedro the donkey all came together for a special night of entertainment. The event was put together by Manuel Rodriguez of Casas Manuel, Benijofar, specially for 13 year old, Manuel Menarguez Garcia, who was born with Lesch–Nyhan syndrome (LNS) – a devastating genetic disorder which affects a small number of boys born each year (1 in 380.000).

The disease affects the muscles and nerv­ ous system of the body. The result of this is that Manuel has no control over his body and requires constant assistance with everything he does. Even the smallest things we take for granted, like brushing our hair, are impos­ sible tasks. However, what Manuel lacks in physical abilities he more that makes up for

in character with an infectious smile. He’s become quite a local celebrity and is regular­ ly seen out and about the Benijofar athletics club.

Manuel has to be carried around his house, because his wheelchair is impossible to navigate through the doorways. His par­ ents are saving money for an overhead track system to be installed so that Manuel can be moved from room to room with a simple click of a button, bringing him some dignity and a simpler life. The system is expensive and there’s little help from the state with his care costs. Helped by many generous local busi­ nesses, a raffle was staged with all the funds raised going to Manuel's family.

All donations are gratefully received, small or large. Please contact Manuel Rodriguez at Casas Manuel. 966 714 719 or E­mail:­ info@casasmanuel.com

The battle against skin cancer got a recent lift with The Ladybirds presenting an 8 thou­ sand Euros cheque to the Felix Mantilla Skin Cancer Foundation. Felix himself travelled all the way from Barcelona with his col­ league, Pol Sanchez, to receive the wel­ come boost at The Sunrise Restaurant, Playa Flamenca.

The Ladybirds have been fund raising throughout the year for Felix Mantilla in the name of their very good friend Karen Bosczkowski who died of skin cancer in June 2012. The restaurant was full of friends of Steve and Karen who enjoyed a three course meal with wine, coffee and entertain­ ment. The money given to Felix Mantilla will go into research at their laboratories in

Barcelona.

Various events have been organised throughout the year raising money with The Ladybirds holding a monthly lunch at differ­ ent restaurants in the area, where the pro­ ceeds of a 3 prize raffle is added to their charity fund. The Ladybirds Christmas party, held at Crystals Restaurant recently brought in nearly 200 euros. 25 prizes of 'Christmas Fayre' were raffled to everyone who attend­ ed.

Suzi4Fitz Fitness presented Felix Mantilla with their collection proceeds of 1800 Euros which they have raised throughout the year.

The money will enable research and educa­ tion to raise awareness and hopefully the prevention of skin cancer to help save lives.

With more and more Russians coming on holiday and living on the Costa Blanca and Costa Calida, the Murcia town of Garrucha has even been affectionately re­christened as Garussia! Meanwhile in Torrevieja, Russians have been welcoming New Year at the city’s vibrant Flamenco Restaurant.

The annual Asociacion Union Eslava event lived up to its name, with around forty partygoers wining, dining and dancing, with

a sense that at times there were more Ukrainians in the mix than Russians along with a sprinkling of Kazakhstan residents as well! Tatiana Le (pictured) from Kazakhstan lead the entertainment with organiser Marina Saranina saying that there are so many Russians and other people from the former Soviet Union coming over to live here, that she expects numbers for the event to treble each year.

WELCOME COMRADES

THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR WALKING

Three hardy souls will be hitting the road in aid of charity in April, as the walking boots come out for the famous Camino Ingles Pilgrims Walk in Northern Spain. The trio from Help Murcia Mar Menor are President Bernard Ash along with Janneke Chambers and Lynda Fleming. They’ll be raising money

RAFFLE BOOST

Torrevieja Costa Lions boosted their coffers for the victims of November’s typhoon in the Philippines, with a 1 thousand Euro donation

RAFA’S GREAT 2013

for Help MMM as well as for Caritas and the Butterfly Children’s Charity, Debra. They’re now after your money, be it individual or business sponsorship. To make a pledge or A recent meeting of FAFA Costa for more details, you can phone Bernard Ash Blanca at the El Paraiso restaurant in on 659 751 611 or send an E­mail:­ bernard­ Torrevieja toasted everybody who helpmmm@gmail helped the branch beat the previous year’s fund­raising efforts, despite the recession. In addition to the monthly lunches, the branch had a successful Battle of Britain Dinner and Dance, as from the Ladies Friday well as taking part in several Spanish Club who meet at the fiestas. If you would like to know more Quesada Country Club. about RAFA Costa Blanca, then visit The ladies raised the their new website at rafacb.com or you money, helped by a pre­ can phone the Chairman, Terry Joy, on Xmas raffle.

966 262 695.

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HEALTHY 2014 Friday, January 3, 2014

CREAMY PASTA WITH ASPARAGUS & PEAS Ingredients 250g fusilli or your favourite pasta shape 300g asparagus spears, woody ends removed, cut into lengths 175g frozen peas zest and juice ½ lemon 100g soft cheese with chives

Method

1. Cook the pasta follow­ ing the pack instructions.

Two minutes before the end of the cooking time, add the asparagus and peas. Boil everything together for the final 2 mins, then scoop out and reserve a cup of the cooking liquid from the pan before draining the pasta and veg.

2. Return the pasta and veg to the pan and add the lemon zest, soft cheese and seasoning. Add a squeeze of lemon juice to taste and stir in 2­3 tbsp of the cooking liquid to loosen the sauce.

RED LENTIL, CHICKPEA & CHILLI SOUP Ingredients 2 tsp cumin seeds large pinch chilli flakes 1 tbsp olive oil 1 red onion, chopped 140g red split lentils 850ml vegetable stock or water 400g can tomatoes, whole or chopped 200g carton chickpeas or ½ a can, rinsed and drained (freeze leftovers)

small bunch coriander, roughly chopped (save a few leaves, to serve) 4 tbsp 0% Greek yogurt, to serve

Method

1. Heat a large saucepan and dry­fry the cumin seeds and chilli flakes for 1 min, or until they start to jump around the pan and release their aromas. Add the oil and onion, and cook for 5 mins. Stir in the lentils, stock and tomatoes, then bring to the boil. Simmer for 15 mins until the lentils have softened.

2. Whizz the soup with a stick blender or in a food processor until it is a rough purée, pour back into the pan and add the chickpeas. Heat gently, season well and stir in the coriander.

Finish with a dollop of yogurt and coriander leaves.

FULL ENGLISH FRITTATA WITH SMOKY BEANS Ingredients 2 low­fat sausages, sliced 4 rashers extra lean bacon, all fat removed, chopped 150g pack button mush­ rooms, halved, or larger ones quartered 8 egg whites, or use 350ml liquid egg whites from a carton 3 tbsp milk 140g cherry tomatoes, halved 2 x 400g cans reduced salt and sugar baked beans

1½ tsp smoked paprika small bunch chives, snipped

Method

1. Heat oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4. Line a roasting tin about the size of A4 paper with enough baking parchment to cover the base and sides. Fry the sausages and bacon in a non­stick pan until golden, stirring them often to stop them sticking. Scoop into the tin.

2. Place the pan back on the heat and fry the mushrooms for about 5 mins until golden, then add these to the tray, too.

Whisk the egg whites with the milk and lots of seasoning.

Pour into the tin, then dot the tomatoes on top.

3. Bake in the oven for 20­25 mins, until set. Meanwhile, tip the beans into a pan with the paprika and heat through.

Scatter the frittata with the chives and serve with the beans on the side.

SALMON & BROCCOLI CAKES WITH WATERCRESS, AVOCADO & TOMATO SALAD Ingredients 500g potatoes, cut into chunks 85g broccoli, cut into small florets pack of 2 poached salmon fillets juice 1 lemon, plus wedges to serve small bunch dill, chopped 1 tbsp sunflower oil 1 tbsp Dijon mustard 1 avocado, peeled, stoned and roughly chopped 100g cherry tomatoes, halved 100g bag watercress

Method

1. Cover the potatoes in salted water, bring to the

27

Friday, January 3, 2014

boil and simmer for 8­10 mins, until just tender, adding the broccoli 3 mins before the end of cooking time. Drain, allow it all to steam dry, then roughly mash. Flake in the salmon, add half the lemon juice and dill with some seasoning, then shape into 4 cakes.

2. Heat the oil in a pan and fry the cakes for 3 mins each side until golden. Meanwhile, mix remaining lemon juice with the mustard and seasoning, then set aside. Mix the avocado, tomatoes and watercress and divide between plates. Serve one fish cake each with the salad, drizzled with dressing, and extra lemon wedges for squeezing over.

BAKED TURKEY MEATBALLS WITH BROCCOLI & CRISPY POTATOES Ingredients 1 onion, grated 1 large carrot, grated 3 garlic cloves, crushed 1 tbsp rosemary leaves, chopped 350g pack turkey mince 4 large potatoes, skin on and cut into small cubes 1 tbsp olive oil 400g can cherry tomatoes 2 tbsp grated parmesan 350g thin­stemmed broccoli bunch basil leaves, shredded

Method

1. Heat oven to 220C/200C fan/gas 7. In a large bowl, com­ bine the onion, carrot, half the garlic and half the rosemary with the turkey and some seasoning. Shape into 16 meat­ balls and put in a small baking tray. Toss the potatoes with the remaining garlic, rosemary and the oil, place in a baking tray, then cook both for 20 mins, with the potatoes on top shelf.

2. After 20 mins, drain juices off the meatballs, pour cherry tomatoes over, sprinkle with the Parmesan and season. Toss the potatoes, and swap to bottom shelf with the potatoes on top. Cook for another 20 mins until the potatoes are crisp and the meatball sauce is bubbling.

3. When the potatoes and meatballs are almost done, cook the broccoli for 3­4 mins, until tender. Sprinkle the basil on top of the meatballs and serve with the crispy potatoes and broccoli.

BAKED SWEET POTATOES & BEANS Ingredients 4 small sweet pota­ toes 1 tbsp smoked papri­ ka, plus extra to serve 1 tbsp olive oil 1 large onion, chopped 2 garlic cloves, crushed 1 tbsp brown sugar 1 tbsp red wine vine­ gar splash of Worcestershire sauce (Lancashire sauce is a veg­ gie option) 2 x 400g cans mixed beans in water, drained 400g chopped tomatoes 4 tbsp light soured cream, to serve

Method

1. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Pierce the sweet potatoes a few times with a fork, then cook them in the microwave on High for 8 mins or until soft. Rub with 1 tsp of the paprika, 1 tsp of the oil and some seasoning. Transfer to a baking tray, put in the oven and cook for 10­15 mins until crispy.

2. Meanwhile, make the beans. Cook the onion in the remaining oil until soft. Add the garlic, sugar, vinegar, Worcestershire sauce and the remaining paprika, and cook for a further 1­2 mins until sticky. Tip in the beans, tomatoes and a splash of water, and simmer until the sweet potatoes are ready.

3. Serve the sweet potatoes with the beans on top, a dollop of soured cream and a pinch of paprika, if you like.

TAGLIATELLE WITH VEGETABLE RAGU Ingredients 1 onion, finely chopped 2 celery sticks, finely chopped 2 carrots, diced 4 garlic cloves, crushed 1 tbsp each tomato purée and balsamic vinegar 250g diced vegetables, such as courgettes, pep­ pers and mushrooms 50g red lentils 2 x 400g cans chopped tomatoes with basil 250g tagliatelle (or your favourite pasta) 2 tbsp shaved parmesan (optional)

Method

1. Tip the onion, celery and carrots into a large non­stick saucepan and add 2­3 tbsp water or stock, if you have some.

Cook gently, stirring often, until the vegetables are soft.

2. Add the garlic, tomato purée and balsamic vinegar, cook on a high heat for 1 min more, add the diced veg, lentils, tomatoes, then bring up to the boil.

3. Turn to a simmer, then cook for about 20 mins. Meanwhile, cook the pasta following pack instructions, then drain.

Season the ragu and serve with pasta and Parmesan on top, if you like.

SPAGHETTI WITH CRAB, CHERRY TOMATOES & BASIL Ingredients 1 tbsp extra­virgin olive oil 2 garlic cloves, chopped pinch chilli flakes 200g cherry tomatoes, halved zest and juice 1 lemon 2 x 170g cans white crab meat, drained 200g spaghetti 1 tsp capers, drained and rinsed handful basil leaves, roughly chopped

Method

1. In a large frying pan, heat the olive oil. Add the garlic and chilli flakes. Cook until just pale golden, then add the toma­ toes. Cook 3 mins more on a high heat until the tomatoes start to break down a little. Add the lemon juice and cook for 1­2 mins. Remove from the heat and stir in the crab to warm through – not too much or it will break up.

2. Boil the pasta in a large pan of salted water following pack instructions then drain. Mix the pasta in the warm pot with the sauce, lemon zest and capers, and toss the basil through.

CHICKPEA & CORIANDER BURGERS Ingredients 400g can chickpeas, drained zest 1 lemon, plus juice ½ 1 tsp ground cumin small bunch coriander, chopped 1 egg 100g fresh breadcrumbs 1 medium red onion, ½ diced, ½ sliced 1 tbsp olive oil 4 small wholemeal buns 1 large tomato, sliced, ½ cucumber, sliced and chilli sauce, to serve

Method

1. In a food processor, whizz the chickpeas, lemon zest, lemon juice, cumin, half the coriander, the egg and some seasoning. Scrape into a bowl and mix with 80g of the breadcrumbs and the diced onions. Form 4 burg­ ers, press remaining bread­ crumbs onto both sides and

chill for at least 10 mins.

2. Heat the oil in a frying pan until hot. Fry the burgers for 4 mins each side, keeping the heat on medium so they don’t burn. To serve, slice each bun and fill with a slice of tomato, a burger, a few red onion slices, some cucumber slices, a dollop of chilli sauce and the remaining coriander.

MUSHROOM, SPINACH & POTATO PIE Ingredients 400g baby spinach 1 tbsp olive oil 500g mushrooms, such as chestnut, shiitake and button 2 garlic cloves, crushed 250ml vegetable stock (made from half a low sodi­ um vegetable stock cube) 300g cooked new potatoes, cut into bite­sized pieces 1 tbsp grain mustard 1 tsp freshly grated nutmeg 2 heaped tbsp light crème fraîche 3 sheets filo pastry 300g each green beans and broccoli, steamed

Method

1. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Wilt spinach in a colander by pouring a kettleful of hot water over it.

2. Heat half the oil in a large non­stick pan and fry mush­ rooms on a high heat until golden. Add garlic and cook for 1 min, then tip in stock, mustard, nutmeg and potatoes. Bubble for a few mins until reduced. Season, then remove from the heat; add crème fraîche and spinach. Pour into a pie dish and allow to cool for a few mins.

3. Brush filo with remaining oil, quarter sheets then loosely scrunch up and lay on top of pie filling. Bake for 20­25 mins until golden. Serve with vegetables.

INDIAN SPICED SHEPHERD’S PIE Ingredients 500g pack lean minced lamb 1 onion, chopped 2 carrots, diced 2 tbsp garam masala 200ml hot stock (lamb, beef or chicken) 200g frozen peas 800g potatoes, diced 1 tsp turmeric small bunch coriander, roughly chopped juice half lemon, plus wedges to serve

Method

1. In a large non­stick frying pan, cook the lamb, onion and carrots, stirring often, until the lamb is browned and veg is starting to soften, about 8 mins. Add the garam masala and some seasoning and cook for a further 2 mins until fragrant.

Pour in the stock, bring to the boil, tip in the peas and cook for a further 2 mins until the peas are cooked and most of the liquid has evaporated.

2. Meanwhile, cook potatoes in a large pan of salted water until just tender, about 8 mins. Drain well, return to the pan and gently stir in turmeric and coriander – try not to break up the potatoes too much.

3. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Transfer the mince to a baking dish and top with the turmeric potatoes. Squeeze over the lemon juice, then bake for 30­35 mins until potatoes are golden. Serve immediately with extra lemon wedges on the side.

28

Friday, January 3, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

HACKERS HACKED

The Spanish branch of the world's largest computer hacking outfit which swindled about 60 million dollars out of members of the public has been busted with arrests all over the country. Working closely with American police, Spanish investigators found that the gang had been operating simultaneously in 23 countries and that in just a few hours, had managed to net them­ selves 40 million dollars through 34,000 cash withdrawals. And 446 withdrawals – amounting to 400,000 dollars – were made in just one night in Madrid.

Eight people (six Romanians and two

Moroccans) were arrested in Spain, all of whom are said to have been following strict instructions given by a highly­skilled hacker who taught them how to break into the data­ bases of major high­street banks. The ring­ leader, a Romanian national who has been arrested in Germany, was capable of deacti­ vating all security measures – PIN require­ ments, withdrawal limits and overdraft restrictions, among others – meaning he and his recruits were able to withdraw in the region of 100,000 euros from each bank account, even where these were already overdrawn, by entering random PIN codes.

Franco pulls no punches

A Spanish sculptor who was unsuccessfully prosecuted by a foundation dedicated to Francisco Franco has responded with a stinging jab by creating a punch ball shaped like the former dicta­ tor’s head.

Eugenio Marino was cleared by a judge in July after the Franco Foundation — an organization devoted to perpetuating the memory of the 'Generalísimo' — sued him for dishonouring the deceased dictator.

The lawsuit was instigated when Marino, 36, created “Always Franco”, a wax model depicting the nationalist leader in full military gear frozen inside a Coca­Cola fridge.

His latest work, Punching Franco is a hyper­realistic, spring­mounted silicone punch ball in the shape of Franco’s head. It

NUMBER UP FOR CROATIAN CROOKS A Croatian band of robbers have been arrested by the National Police, with the 14 strong gang accused of stealing from homes right across Spain. The members were all aged between 16 and 50 and based in Zaragoza, Ulldecona and Alcanar in the province of Tarragona, and Vinaròs in the Castellón province.

A highly­professional racket, its members all had a specific role within its organisation with some providing information and transport, some keeping homes under surveillance and others deal­ ing with the sale of stolen goods to enable those assigned to the act of breaking and entering to do so without risk of discovery.

They used fake passports of different nation­ alities, changed their phone numbers con­ stantly, chose their accommodation carefully and moved around as much as they could, and took great caution when moving on the items they took – among other tactics, sell­ ing on jewellery in small quantities in several shops. Their stringent level of organisation meant police had their work cut out investi­ gating the crimes. Reports of various burgla­ ries in homes throughout the entire country led to inquiries starting in September, which uncovered a criminal gang made up of sev­ eral complete families from Croatia. All

members worked under the orders of the matriarch of one of these clans. Searches started in Logroño, in the region of La Rioja, before they were traced to the east coast of Spain and then to Zaragoza, in the land­ locked region of Aragón. According to offi­ cers, the members would divide up and move around the country, setting up resi­ dence and spending several days or weeks burgling a multitude of properties before returning to their main homes and plotting their next spree. Break­ins found to be per­ petrated by the group were uncovered in La Rioja, the Basque Country, Galicia and Navarra, all along the northern strip of Spain, as well as Madrid, Catalunya, Valencia and the south­eastern region of Murcia.

Jewellery, designer watches, mobile phone credit top­up cards, two vehicles, thousands of euros in cash, and several mobile phones were seized during police raids on their homes.

Red faced mature men are being left with their pants down and nothing to show for it after being too embarrassed to report a new crime scam in the city of Oviedo, which may be happening in other areas of Spain. Between four and six Romanian women are behind the con which involves approaching elderly men in the street. They begin 'chatting up' their victims and acting seductively, then offer to let the men grope their breasts upon the payment of 3 Euros.

The girls take the men down side­streets to 'indulge', and while their mind is on other things, the girls steal their wallets.

Police say they are finding their inquiries

very difficult since victims do not report the thefts, either because they are ashamed or because they fear problems with their wives. The only way it can be kept under control is via plain­clothed officers patrolling the streets and warning potential victims of girls' intentions when they see them targeted. An officer caught a girl in action just before Christmas, having watched her relentlessly pursuing an elder­ ly gentleman until she succeeded in gain­ ing his attention. The officer approached and warned the man, who fled the area in haste in case charges were brought against him.

Kiss me honey honey

was created in response to the Foundation's legal tactics and Merino says it represents the frustration of the Spanish people.

"It seemed to me that it would be good for those who were persecuted and received no justice, to have this to beat up, like a kind of catharsis" he said. "You can do that, get your anger out, because you won’t be able to get much else in Spain."

29

Friday, January 3, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

Imams in fake scandal Police have smashed Spain's largest counterfeit clothing ring, arresting 99 people, including two imams, over the sale of 235 tonnes of fake designer clothes and shoes. The ring made the counterfeit items in illegal factories in northern Portugal and then shipped them across the border by van to Xinzo de Limia, a city of around 10,000 people in north­western Spain.

"The network, of Moroccan origin, had 'regional members' across Spain who distrib­ uted over the past two years 235 tonnes of fake garments and footwear, generating rev­ enues of over 5 million Euros," according to the Interior Ministry.

"Part of this black money was hidden along with bank cards and other financial documents belonging to the organization in the mosques of Ourense and Xinzo de

MORE PROMISES

The Spanish Prime Minister, Mariano Rajoy, has pledged a strong economic recovery for 2014. “If 2012 was the year of tightening, 2013 was the year of reforms and 2014 will be the start of the economic recov­ ery in our country," he told journalists.

Rajoy promised that by the end of 2014, there would be more Spaniards working Limia," it added. and less people on the dole, Among those arrested was the imam of but could not specifiy when the mosque of Xinzo, whom the police said employment rates would was one of the leaders of the ring. The start to rise. mosque received nearly 100 thousand “A year ago I said 2013 Euros in donations from the ring. The imam was going to be very hard, at the mosque in the nearby city of Ourense especially in the first six was also detained as part of the operation. months but also that things His name appears on bank accounts used would begin to improve in by the group and police suspect him of help­ the second half of the year. ing to launder money earned by the ring.

Well the facts have proved us right," Rajoy claimed, adding that the 2013 year end unemployment figures were lower than a year ago, the first time this had hap­ of the mother. But signs of dis­ pened since 2006, though sent also emerged from within the statistics had reached a the ruling party itself. record high.

"No­one can deny anyone the Spain also recently right to be a mother and no­one emerged from a nine­quarter can oblige anyone to be a recession — the second mother either," said José since the country's crisis Antonio Monago (pictured), the began — clocking up third PP leader in the western region quarter growth of 0.01 per­ of Extremadura. "Extremadura cent. Rajoy also pointed out supports a reform of the abor­ Spain's "record" growth in tion law by consensus," he exports, currently running at added. The PP boss in Galicia, Alberto 6 percent.

Núñez Feijóo, has also called for the abor­ Spain was pushed to the tion bill to be changed to win broader sup­ brink of an all­out sovereign port.

PP in abortion split

Spain's ruling Partido Popular is split over new laws to ban women from freely choosing abortion. Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy's government has come under fire from the opposition after announcing just before Christmas that it would roll back a 2010 law that had allowed women to opt freely for abortion in the first 14 weeks of pregnan­ cy.

The legislation, yet to pass parliament where the PP has an overall majority, would allow abortion only in cases of rape or a threat to the physical or psychological health

bailout in 2012 but was saved in large part by a European Central Bank promise to intervene if nec­ essary on the bond market, lowering the country's bor­ rowing costs. Nevertheless,

the country had to borrow 41 billion Euros from its Eurozone partners to shore up tottering banks, ridden with bad loans since a decade­long property boom imploded in 2008.

UNWANTED BABY “THROWN OUT” A woman gave birth in secret on Christmas Eve, cut the umbilical cord her­ self and threw the new­ born out of the kitchen window. The baby boy survived the fall, and was taken to hospital in a "serious condition".

The 35­year­old woman, who lived with her parents in eastern Madrid, was detained on suspicion of attempting to kill the baby, according to the police.

"The woman wrapped the baby in a pair of jeans and threw it out of the kitchen

window into an interior patio," police said in a statement.

The mother had kept her pregnancy a secret from her parents.

She cut the umbilical cord herself after giving birth in the early hours of the

morning and then threw the child out of the kitchen window, about 2.2 metres above an interior patio. However, shortly afterwards she suffered heavy bleeding and asked her parents to take her to hospital.

"Later, at about 8.30 am, the grandmother of the new­born went into the kitchen and, looking out of the window, saw a baby in the patio. She ran out to pick it up and alerted emergency services," police said.

Two police officers who first arrived at the home found the baby wrapped in blankets, suffering hypothermia and with its heart and breathing stopped. They managed to revive the child and take it to hospital.

30

Friday, January 3, 2014

UK HEADLINES

AIRLINE PASSENGER'S COMPLAINT GOES VIRAL As rage letters go, they don't come much more furious than the epistle sent to an Australian airline by a passenger seated next to a man as big as 'an infant hippopota­ mus' and who smelled like 'blue cheese' and a 'Mumbai slum'.

Traveller Rich Wisken wrote on a blog that he paid an extra $A25 (£13.50) for an exit row seat, expecting to travel from Perth to Sydney with more room than a normal economy seat.

But he found himself seated beside an obese man, leaving him to feel that he was pinned to his seat 'by a fleshy boulder.'

When he tried to change seats, he found those that were empty were taken by passengers who had stretched themselves out to lie in comfort.

Mr Wisken returned to his exit row seat and 'it was then I realised that my fate was sealed.

'I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt (the blob creature in Star Wars) and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side­boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poi­ soning.'

It might be gathered by now that Mr Wisken was not at all happy with the four­and­a­half­hour flight and has penned a furious letter to the airline, Jetstar, a subsidiary of Qantas.

What made his ordeal worse was to find that two days later a flight to Melbourne he'd booked with the airline was cancelled, as was a rescheduled flight.

On his third attempt, the flight was delayed for two hours.

On receiving his angry, but humorous, letter of complaint, Jetstar emailed him with an offer of a $A100 (£54) voucher in compen­ sation, Sydney's Daily Telegraph reports today.

'Awesome work, Jetstar!' he wrote.

'Two of my flights in the past two days have been cancelled. You're so lucky that my favourite pastime is wasting both time and money getting to and from airports.

'Imagine how annoyed someone who doesn't LOVE wasting time and money would feel about this situation. Man, I'd hate to be that guy...'

MR WISKEN'S LETTER TO JETSTAR POSTED ON HIS BLOG

Dear Jetstar...

Do you like riddles? I do, that's why I'm starting this letter with one.

What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What's fat as f***, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That's right, it's the man I sat next to under on my flight from

Perth to Sydney yesterday.

As I boarded the plane, I mental­ ly high­fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly dis­ tracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle.

As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn't a dangerous semi­aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being.

However, this relief was short­lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.

Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent pos­ sessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne ­ Eau No. Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it's entirely possible that none of them actually

saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.

Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours­like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn't catch the names of the three flight atten­ dants, but for the purpose of this letter, I'll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I've given them all the same surname ­ Couldnotgiveash***).

After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversa­ tion, presumably about how s*** they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to which Giggly responded, "hehehe, they're for crew only, hehehe". I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.

I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveas*** triplets, but

unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side­boob and cel­ lulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing, I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both "crew only" rows occupied by non­crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she's flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.

Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn't that exactly the same as having someone who can't con­ trol their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that's why I'm demanding a full refund of my tick­ et, including the $25 for an emer­ gency row seat.

I'm also looking to be compen­ sated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one­handed as I'm yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don't recov­ er completely, I'll have to say good­ bye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.

To discuss my generous com­ pensation package, email me at: richwisken@hotmail.com, or tweet me at: @RichWisken No regards, Rich Wisken.

Friday, January 3, 2014

UK HEADLINES

Romanians top UK crime list...before they've even arrived

Britain’s borders swung open to anyone from both countries from midnight Tuesday as EU restrictions were lifted.

And police experts predicted a fresh “wave of crime” as the country already strug­ gles with an influx of foreign crooks.

Shock figures reveal that the eastern Europeans already topped crime league tables before Britain opened its borders to millions from the two countries Last Wednesday.

Almost 1,000 Romanians were detained by police in just one county alone over the past three years.

Staffordshire Police and Crime Commissioner Matthew Ellis is demanding urgent talks with Home Secretary Theresa May. It comes after the Metropolitan Police revealed Romanians are the second most arrested foreigners in London.

Philippa Roe, leader of Westminster City Council, said Roma gypsies from eastern Europe were already blighting the streets with anti­social behaviour.

She said gangs camped beside Marble Arch were responsible for pick­pocketing and defecating on people’s doorsteps.

The Tory said: “You’ve only got to wander around Marble Arch at 7.30 in the morning to see the camps.

“We have people walking out of their front door to find people sleeping on their doorsteps, people defecating on their front doorstep.

“It’s extremely unpleasant and it goes with the very aggressive begging and pick­pock­ eting and other sorts of crime in the area which affects both residents and tourists.”

Travel agencies in Bulgarian capital Sofia and Romanian first city Bucharest have reported huge demand for tickets to the UK. Bulgaria’s Svetlanka Beaucheva agency said all passages to Britain were fully booked until January 9.

Budget airlines have doubled the number of planes to cope with demand.

Some seats on no­frills flights were chang­ ing hands for up to £3,000 for a one­way ticket. Scores of coaches carrying more than 50 passengers each will make the 1,500­ mile journey by road to London’s Victoria Coach Station.

At Sofia’s Central Bus Station, a large poster showing Big Ben, a London double­ decker and a red phone box advertise a new life in Britain.

All seats on two BA jets from Sofia to Heathrow, ferrying more than 300 passen­ gers on Sunday and Monday, have also been sold.

Tory MP Philip Hollobone, 49, said: “We are importing a wave of crime from Romania and Bulgaria. Romanians are seven times more likely to be arrested in London than a British national.

“Romanians account for more than 11% of all foreign offenders despite making up, at the moment, just a tiny proportion of resi­ dents.’’

Fears continued to grow as Romania opened a consulate in Bristol.

Razvan Constantinescu became honorary consul officer to the city, bringing the number of UK­based Romanian consuls to eight.

Other centres include Cardiff, Leeds, Liverpool, Morpeth in Northumberland, Southampton and Belfast.

31

Petrolhead banned from all garages

Serial offender Brian Taylor, 45, was first given an Anti Social Behaviour Order (Asbo) banning him from the pumps after his unusual thirst emerged way back in 2005.

Since then he has breached the Asbo on multiple occasions with his antics terroris­ ing staff and customers.

The four­star nuisance often gets his fill by cutting fuel pipes and sniffing or drinking petrol while dancing around high on their toxic fumes.

And while most of us where tucking into egg nog or champagne over the festive period, Taylor breached his banning order twice in one day by heading to the pumps for a Christmas tipple.

A court heard how Taylor was arrested after he went to two different petrol stations in the West Dyke Road area of Redcar, in

the north­east, to satisfy his bizarre addic­ tion.

Appearing before Teesside Magistrates, Taylor admitted to two charges of breaching his Asbo.

Guy Prest, prosecuting, said the defen­ dant had a history of "attacking petrol pumps, obtaining petrol and consuming it".

The court was told how the 45­year­old was seen at a Morrisons on December 30 approaching a set of pumps while also vis­ iting a Tesco petrol station on the same day.

Amy Dixon, mitigating, said Taylor accepted he had "taken the drips from the petrol pumps".

She added: "It is not a particularly sophis­ ticated offence."

Taylor was handed a 16­week prison sen­ tence suspended for 12 months and told to pay £120 in cost and victim surcharge.

A woman who became wedged between a toilet and a wall after keeling over was rescued by a fire crew who dismantled the lavatory.

Mick Flanagan, 52, one of the crew who rescued the Cardiff woman, said: “We had a lady who had fallen between a toilet and a wall and we had to dismantle the toilet.

“It was a bit comic at the time because she was a but tipsy and laughing.

“We just unbolted the toilet which gave her and us space to help her up.

Thankfully she wasn’t injured.

“Most of our calls to bathrooms are chil­ dren who have shut the door, locked the

door and couldn’t open the door ­ and a panicking mum calls us out.

“We would either put a ladder through the window or put a foot through the door.”

It was one of 1,132 toilet rescues in 2013 in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, a Freedom of Information request revealed.

Most of the toilet rescue missions were in London where crews were called out 395 times.

A man from Guildford, Surrey, had the ignominy of being rescued by the fire serv­ ice after accidentally locking himself in a ladies loo.

Stuck in the bog

32

Friday, January 3, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 It may feel like something has suddenly clicked into place for you today in which you have found the missing piece of a puzzle you've been working on for a while, Aries. The answers may be subtle, but they are there. Fantasy and a playful atti­ tude will lead you to them effortlessly.

Spread your ideas out to the world today and adopt an attitude that encourages others to join in your daydreams as well.

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 Things may seem a bit surreal for you today, Taurus, so don't take other people's chatter too seriously. Today is a day to reach out and touch someone, so pick up the phone and dial it. It's a good day to share your dreams with others, despite how farfetched they may sound. Others may look at you as if you have three heads, but as long as you're being honest with yourself, there's no reason for you to be shy about sharing.

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 Today is a great day for you in which you should enjoy a great deal of playful con­ versation with others, Gemini. Fantasy is likely to play a large role in the events of the day, and you may find yourself day­ dreaming as you walk down the street.

Don't bother with reality today if you don't have to. You're much better off keeping the tone light and playful. Enjoy your fantasy world and feel free to invite others into it.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 There may be a rather confusing element to the day for you, Cancer, in which you feel tempted to act but not all the pieces seem to be in place. It could be hard to make a decision about things since the facts seem to be quite clouded. You're better off spend­ ing this day enjoying your friends or your favorite hobby rather than trying to make any major life decisions or commitments.

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 Be the star of your own movie today and be proud of the role you play, Leo. You might find yourself adopting the persona of many different characters depending on your mood of the hour. There is a special gleam in your smile today that you should share openly with others. Don't feel rushed to get anywhere. You have already arrived. Enjoy yourself in the company of those you love.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 Take a break from your daily routine and get off the track today, Virgo. The world will turn with you for a day, so feel free to tune out for a while. Remember that whatever path you decide to take is the right path. Regret is a useless emotion ­ don't even bother with it. Enjoy the pres­ ent day and all the small joys that it has to offer. Communicate your dreams and bring things into balance.

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 Things are flowing your way today, Libra, and you should find a great deal of pleas­ ure in the comfort of others. You might find that there is an air of fantasy about the day that is causing your emotions to lose track of time and space. Don't bother connecting to reality if you don't have to.

Go to an art museum or attend a dance performance. See a movie and go out to your favorite restaurant.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 Don't try to nail down any answers today, Scorpio, because you'll probably just end up feeling more frustrated than when you started. The less you try to force your will on others, the more you'll find that things just automatically go your way. Today isn't about finding solutions to problems; it's about enjoying that which you have already learned and accomplished. Keep things light.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 Let your childish side come out to play today, Sagittarius. Your dreams are in full force, so let them lead the way. Enjoy light­ hearted conversations with friends about the latest movies and your favorite web­ sites. You might want to consider working out or getting a haircut. This is a good day to improve your general appearance over­ all. You have a much sharper eye for phys­ ical beauty on a day like today.

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 Take a break from the trail you're on and get off the beaten path, Capricorn. Today is a day to forge ahead with ideas and dreams rather than commitments and answers. Question things and debate the facts. Whatever you do, have fun. This is the perfect day to go out and enjoy the fresh air with an outdoor activity, especial­ ly group activities. You can't go wrong with joining up with friends and chatting away about the latest events of your life.

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 You may find it hard to take a realistic approach to your emotions today, Aquarius. A sensitive issue is apt to be pulling on you in such a way that it's leav­ ing you feeling like you are way out in left field in terms of the way you relate to oth­ ers. You might want to consider letting someone else take the lead for once and allow stability to form before the next decision is made.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 Question the validity of anything you find yourself in conflict with today, Pisces. You might find that people are acting on incom­ plete information and that they are falsely accusing you of something you didn't say or do. Work to bring harmony to the situa­ tion by getting the truth out on the table and helping the actual motivations become known. Words may be charged with strong emotions, so be gentle with your actions.

33

Friday, January 3, 2014

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Mary wanted to know whether she should ADVICE: Barry wanted to know how best to print from update AVG or move to another security program.

Gmail

Dear Richard, I am being remind­ ed to update my AVG to the 2014 edition. Before I do so I would like your advice on whether or not to do this, as I believe it can slow down a PC? Also, is it preferable to cancel AVG and move over to Avast or Microsoft Security Essentials? Your advice would be appreciated. Regards – Mary

Q

Hi Richard, there is probably a simple solution to my printing problem, but I cannot find it. I want to print the text/message ONLY in e­mails I receive on Google but whenever I print, I get the whole page including toolbars, and the coloured strips at the side and top which I obviously do not want. The actual message is reduced in width so that the ends of the lines are missing and I can only get the first screen to print so that if it is a long e­mail I only get the start.

Q

Hi Barry, what I think is happening here is that you are clicking on the File, Print m e n u options or Hi Mary, all AntiVirus programs you are slow down your computer by their clicking on your very nature as they “filter” all files browsers print icon coming into and out of your com­ or you are pressing puter through their scanner, it’s an over­ CTRL + P, rather head that we simply have to live with in than clicking on the order to keep our online lives as safe as Gmail print icon – possible. With regards to which program and if you are now you should use, the last study I saw was confused then about a year ago and at that time it showed don’t worry, you AVG as being slightly better than Avast and are in good com­ quite a bit better than Security Essentials, pany, its very con­ however I accept that study may be out of fusing knowing date now. which icon to press I’ve done a bit of research and found a and when. great website ­ www.av­test.org – they test With regards to Gmail you should click on the email you want to print first, then click on the a number of security products monthly and Gmail print button that looks like this… rate them on protection (which in my opinion is the most important rating), repair and usabil­ …and appears to the right of the email subject line. When you use this icon, your email is ity. According to this more recent study the “best” free anti­virus program is Avast: Free opened in a new window by itself (i.e. without all the other stuff you mention that you don’t Antivirus 2014, protecting you from 96 % of the most dangerous (zero day) viruses out there want to be part of the printout). compared to only 90% detected by AVG free and just 69% detected by Microsoft Security I hope that helps Essentials.

Hope that helps.

A

A

ADVICE: Tracy was having problems with Internet Explorer after she had a play around in the settings!

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi Richard, happy New Year. On my computer some things started not to work, i.e. on Facebook could not view or "like" items. I looked an answer up on the Internet and they said to go to Internet options on control panel, then security, click trusted sites and custom level and under settings change some to enable/disable. I did this but, now have made my computer worse! It works but is very, very slow. Takes at least 4 mins for a page to come up. Hope you can help me, I should have left things alone! Thanks Tracy.

Q A

Hi Tracy, sorry for the delay in getting back to you, it’s been a bit manic here!

It sounds like what you need to do is reset Internet Explorer (if that’s what you are using, unfortunately you don’t say?), in order to do this just follow these steps…

1. Click start, control panel 2. Double click on the Internet Options icon 3. Click advanced 4. Under Reset Internet Explorer settings, click Reset. Then click Reset again 5. When complete, click close 6. try Internet Explorer again …that should help sort it out.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

34

Friday, January 3, 2014

£20,000 McLaren F1 A Top Gear fan has com­ pleted the ultimate motor challenge ­ building a £5 million supercar using scrap and spare parts.

Amateur mechanic Jacek Mazur, 48, made his own replica McLaren F1 for just £20,000 ­ 250 times cheaper than the real thing.

He even paid tribute to his favourite TV show by build­ ing a tiny rear seat for Top Gear co­host Richard Hammond.

He said: "I named it the Hamonda in his honour. It is the same size as for a child but I'm sure Richard could be a fit."

Mr Mazur's incredible car

has taken eight years to complete and can now hit speeds of up to 200mph.

His previous projects have included building his own Lamborghini Countach and a Porsche 911 ­ but the British­designed McLaren F1 has been his 'ultimate' success.

Just 106 of the supercars

are thought to exist and they are usually found in the garages of super­wealthy celebrities such as talk show host Jay Leno and Mr Bean actor Rowan Atkinson. They can fetch unbelievable sums and in August this year one sold for a staggering £5.1million at classic car auction Gooding & Company.

Mazur, a health­and­ safety advisor, said "As soon as I saw the McLaren F1 for the first time, I knew I had to have one. I couldn't afford it so I knew I would have to build one myself.

"Now when I am in my car people just stop and start taking pictures. It is like being on a date with Angelina Jolie or Sandra

Bullock in the centre of New York."

He added: "In some ways it is actually better having a replica. The real thing is so expensive I would be afraid to take it anywhere for fear of getting it dirty."

The incredible McLaren F1 has been built with the help of more than 30 of his friends and family. Mazur used the engine from an Audi and the brakes from a Mercedes.

The father­of­two also spent hours online research­ ing photographs of the car and on blogs so that he could build his own parts and the streamlined shell of the vehicle. And despite spending thousands of hours in his garage he has

managed to keep the sup­ port of his wife, Gosia.

She said: "This is his pas­ sion. Ever since I have known him he has loved cars. He does spend a lot of time with them but it is better than him just sitting in the pub or doing something use­ less and boring."

However, Mazur, of Zabrze, Poland, is not about to put his toolkit down any­ time soon and hopes to start work on a new supercar replica in the next few years.

The McLaren F1 was designed by British engineer Gordon Murray and first built in 1991. In 1998 it set the record for the world's fastest production car in the world with a speed of 231mph.

Volkswagen Kombi camper not dead yet

In what would be the perfect present for thousands of Volkswagen fans across the globe, rumours are circulating that the iconic Kombi van could be set for a comeback?

What’s even more remarkable is the fact the news comes just two days before pro­ duction of the VW Kombi was set to end, bringing to a close 63 years of history.

Earlier this year, Volkswagen do Brazil announced that the Kombi Last Edition would – as its name suggests – draw a cur­ tain on the legendary Dub’s run, which includes 56 years of production on the out­ skirts of Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Each one of the limited edition vehicles (pictured above) features exclusive body paint, ‘luxury’ internal finishing and design elements tipping the hat to the many ver­ sions made in Brazil since 1957.

The special two­tone white and blue paint and whitewall tyres are definite touches of nostalgia, as are the blue fabric curtains and vinyl upholstery. Only 600 units were sched­ uled to be built.

But in sudden twist, could the Kombi van live on to fight another day?

We understand that Guido Mantega, the Brazilian finance minister, is looking into whether the Kombi could be made exempt from the safety legislation that has led to its demise. His argument is that the original design didn’t allow for modern safety fea­ tures, such as ABS brakes and airbags in the first place, so shouldn’t fall foul of them now.

As one of Brazil’s bestselling vehicles, there will be a huge number of Brazilians anxiously awaiting the outcome of what could be a historic decision. And a host of Volkswagen fans across the world will be watching with interest, not least those in the UK, who have enjoyed access to a source of brand new Kombis ripe for camper van con­ versions.

Who knows – perhaps we can look for­ ward to the England football squad parading the FIFA World Cup around the streets of Sao Paulo next year, in a procession of brand new Kombi vans. Then again…

Friday, January 3, 2014

35

36

Friday, January 3, 2014

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 25 represents Q and 2 represents G, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Caught (7) 5 Inactive (4) 7 Public house (3) 9 Frighten (5) 10 Ill­defined (5) 11 Fasten (3) 12 Objects (5) 13 Chairs (5) 14 Entwine (4) 15 Presents (5) 18 Vapour (5) 20 Genuine (4) 21 Play (5) 22 Tempest (5) 24 Means of transport (3) 25 Identical (5) 26 Circus performer (5)

27 Organ of sight (3) 28 Divans (4) 29 Wants (7)

Down 1 Trying out (7) 2 Cognisant (5) 3 Crush (5) 4 Eminent (13) 5 Capitalises (7) 6 Baggage (7) 8 Lower limbs (4) 16 Aspect (7) 17 Farm buildings (7) 19 Points in time (7) 21 Action (4) 22 Dismisses (5) 23 Aroma (5)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Supply, 4 Ghosts, 9 Arrange, 10 Shame, 11 Land, 12 Another, 15 Survey, 16 Studio, 19 Decides, 21 Bags, 24 Extra, 25 Nervous, 26 Target, 27 Messes.

Down: 1 Smallest, 2 Partner, 3 Lend, 5 Hesitate, 6 State, 7 Seek, 8 Jeans, 13 Delicate, 14 Consists, 17 Dragons, 18 Means, 20 Enter, 22 Debt, 23 Free.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Climb over a range (5) 4 Spread mangled tapes (5) 8 Bring up a railwayman, but not in the van (9) 9 Party eye opener is a deer (3) 10 Award youth leader, do as you are told (4) 11 Meet Rex; strangely fanatical (7) 12/18D A sabre I broke in a military installation (3,4) 13 Drop everything after Friday (4) 15 Pry into one’s building (4) 16 Return fuel flag (3) 18 Overwhelm the con­ fused Bee Gees and me with no energy (7) 19 Each disturbance can be a physical pain (4) 22 Haggard’s heroine? (3) 23 Get rid of a Crete aid mysteriously (9) 24 Destroy copse area (5) 25 Paper put to bed (5)

Down 1 Moaners not wanting a rambling talk from vicar (6) 2 Stone created a barrier (5) 3 Journalist George England has the advan­ tage (4) 4 Develop a reply for a contestant (6) 5 I get Dan’s mixture, which I find calming (8) 6 A friend less likely found to be everlasting (7) 7 It’s nothing but a small pond (4) 12 Great Leo is not exactly one’s hidden self (5,3) 14 Comes back with Wrens as alternative (7) 16 Waste of darn time (6) 17 Hate of French exam (6) 18 See 12 Across 20 That’s enough of the cold comfort! (5) 21 Sign of affection is bind­ ing king and son (4)

Down STANDARD CLUES 1 Church address (6) Across 1 Calibration (5) 2 Semiprecious gemstone 4 Adhesive (5) (5) 8 Following force (9) 3 Border (4) 9 Female deer (3) 4 Contestant (6) 10 Follow a command (4) 5 Tranquillising (8) 11 Fanatic (7) 12/18D Military landing field 6 Infinite (7) 7 Exclusive of anything else (3,4) 13 Descend (4) (4) 15 Facial feature (4) 12 Other self (5,3) 16 Hang loosely (3) 14 Responds (7) 18 Surround with troops (7) 16 Underground waste (6) 19 Persistent dull pain (4) 17 Absolutely loathe (6) 22 Female pronoun (3) 23 Get rid of completely (9) 18 See 12 Across 20 Stop (5) 24 Range (5) 25 Bedding item (5) 21 Osculate (4) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Desk, 3 Odysseus, 9 Shadows, 10 Obese, 11 Scene, 12 Rotten, 14 Egrets, 16 Writhe, 19 Closet, 21 Lange, 24 Grave, 25 Rancour, 26 Extolled, 27 Cede.

Down: 1 Disaster, 2 Stale, 4 Desert, 5 Sport, 6 Element, 7 Stew, 8 Cogent, 13 Rehearse, 15 Reliant, 17 Relent, 18 Starve, 20 Swell, 22 No one, 23 Ogre.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Ale Axe Cue Den Gem Ill Lab Moo One Ore Sex Spa 4 letter words Acid Also Anne

Avow Bier Crud Drab Earn Edgy Elan Else Ever Gabs Gave Ides Ions Isle Laid Lend Limb Malt Poor

Prop Rare Rave Sail Sate Seer Sees Sing Skin Span Suet Tear Thee Visa 5 letter words Alack Amass Aspic

Attic Blast Dacha Dared Dicta Enter Gismo Nones Peril Polka Posit Recur Reset Solid Steel Stung Teddy Value Wadis

6 letter words Amidst Berate Circle Greens Octavo Sennas 7 letter words Applied Misname Sneaker Vibrate 8 letter words Premolar Retailer

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 White (6) 4 Lights (5) 8 Suizo (5) 9 Emanar (7) 10 Aeropuerto (7) 11 Dinner (supper) (4) 12 Mar (3) 14 Chiste (4) 15 Silk (4) 18 King (3) 21 Tall (4) 23 Enemy (7) 25 Razones (7) 26 Cobertizos (para ani­ males, herramientas) (5) 27 Floor (of room) (5) 28 Strawberries (6)

Down 1 To be enough (6) 2 Open (7) 3 Cliente (de tienda, bar, restaurante, banco) (8) 4 Plomo (metal) (4) 5 Code (cipher) (5) 6 Balancín (en parque infantil) (6) 7 Nidos (5) 13 Lift (elevator) (8) 16 Conductores (de coches, camiones, auto­ buses) (7) 17 Fathers (6) 19 Levadura (5) 20 Caballos (animales) (6) 22 Suit (for man) (5) 24 Wolf (4)

37

Friday, January 3, 2014 Across 1 What name is given to wafer­thin slices of potato fried in deep fat? (6) 5 Which adjective means ‘heedless of danger or the consequences of one’s actions’? (8) 9 The Pushbike Song was the only UK Top 10 hit single for which Australian pop band? (8) 10 What name is often given to a deep narrow steep­sided valley, especial­ ly one formed by running water? (6) 11 According to legend, what is the name of the sprite or creature who helps Irish housewives, mends shoes, grinds meal, etc?

(10) 12 What surname con­ nects British playwright George Bernard and jazz clarinettist Artie? (4) 13 Which international organisation that cares for the sick, wounded or home­ less in wartime, was set up in 1864 at the instigation of the Swiss philanthropist Henri Dunant? (3,5) 16 What name is often given to a new recruit, espe­ cially in the army or police, or a member of a sports team in their first full sea­

son? (6) 17 Which large dung bee­ tle of the eastern Mediterranean area, was regarded as sacred in ancient Egypt? (6) 19 What name is often given to the equipment that records information about the performance of an air­ craft during flight? (5,3) 21 What was the stage surname of the comedy part­ ner of Eric Morecambe? (4) 22 What name is given to a poker hand with the ace, king, queen, jack, and 10 all in the same suit? (5,5) 25 What name for an extreme scarcity of food is derived from the Old French for ‘hunger’? (6) 26 In medicine, what name is given to a semisolid preparation, usually contain­ ing a medicine, applied externally as a remedy or for soothing an irritation? (8) 27 Which very small, soft­furred South American monkey has a long hairy tail and furry tufts on its ears?

(8) 28 Which continent was a 1983 UK Top 10 hit single for the American rock band Toto? (6) Down

SUDOKU (Medium)

Quiz Word

2 Which river in western Europe that rises in the Swiss Alps and flows for 1,320 km (820 miles) to the North Sea, forms the border between Germany and

Switzerland in the south, then Germany and France, before flowing north through Germany and westwards through the Netherlands to empty into the North Sea

near Rotterdam? (5) 3 With which long­necked Indian instrument would you principally associate musi­ cian Ravi Shankar? (5) 4 Which hot, often dusty or rainy, wind blows from North Africa across the Mediterranean to southern Europe? (7) 5 The American blue­ eyed soul group who reached the UK Top 10 in 1968 with Groovin’, was the Young (What)? (7) 6 What is the name of the public official who investi­ gates by inquest any death not due to natural causes?

(7) 7 What name is often applied to any domestic ani­ mals, epescially horses, cat­ tle and pigs, kept for use or profit? (9) 8 Which small enclave located in the Apennines and completely surrounded by Italy, is the smallest republic in the world? (3,6) 14 Which Mexican dish consists of a rolled stuffed tortilla cooked with a chilli­ flavoured sauce? (9) 15 Which Latin phrase used to urge someone to make the most of the pres­ ent time and give little thought to the future, means

‘seize the day’? (5,4) 18 What was the surname of the British radio producer, intelligence officer and Foreign Office official who, along with Donald Maclean, Anthony Blunt, Kim Philby and John Cairncross, was part of the Cambridge Five spy ring that passed Western secrets to the Soviets before and during the Cold War? (7) 19 What is the surname of the former Yorkshire and England batsman who was the first English player to average over 100 in a sea­ son (1971 and 1979)? (7) 20 Which city, the state capital and largest city of Georgia, was plundered and burned by Sherman’s army during the American Civil War? (7) 23 Which arboreal pri­ mate with a pointed snout and typically a long tail, is found only in Madagascar?

(5) 24 Created by the video game company Sega in 1991, what is the name of the anthropomorphic blue hedgehog whose peaceful life is often interrupted by his archenemy Doctor Eggman?

(5)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH P RO P O S I TO S PA R A E L 2014 N E W Y E A R'S R E S O LU T I O N S

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

geography QUIZ

ANSEWRS: 1 Australia 2. The Amazon 3. Tunis 4. Mojave 5. Jamaica 6. Switzerland 7. Antarctica 8. Kenya 9. "2 Germans , Johannes Rebmann & Ludwig Krapf" 10.

"Eight (Russia, Belarus, Poland, Czech Republic, Germany, Switzerland, France & Spain" 11. The Equator

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Busby, 4 Hindsight, 9 Nit, 10 Ton, 11 Eternal, 12 Slug, 13 Maelstroms, 15 Spare, 16 Desperado, 17 Anchorage, 21 Ridge, 23 Terminator, 24 Cars, 27 Chimera, 28 Ode, 29 Spa, 30 Secretary, 31 Snake.

Down: 1 Banns, 2 Satsuma, 3 Yeti, 4 Hansard, 5 Needles, 6 Sweetheart, 7 Gondola, 8 Telescope, 14 Velocipede, 15 Spartacus, 18 Cardiac, 19 Alabama, 20 Ecology, 22 Dead Sea, 25 Skate, 26 Hess.

reciclar mas

aprender algo

salir de deudas

nuevo

ser amable

comer mas sano

ser ecológico

escribir un diario

ser saludable

estudiar más

sonreír más

hacer dieta

ver amigos

hacer ejercicio

ver menos televisión

organizarse

vivir plenamente

Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.ahorrar dinero, 2.aprender algo nuevo, 3.comer mas sano, 4.escribir un diario, 5.estudiar más, 6.hacer dieta, 7.hacer ejercicio, 8.organizarse, 9.reciclar mas, 10.salir de deudas, 11.ser amable, 12.ser ecológico, 13.ser saludable,

Soduko

14.sonreír más, 15.ver amigos, 16.ver menos televisión, 1 7.vivir plenamente, 18.aprender español. a.be nice, b.go on a diet, c.learn something new, d.save money, e.see friends, f.write a diary, g.live life to the full, h.smile more, i.recycle more,

Span ­ Eng

Quizword

j.get organised, k.study more, l.be healthy, m.get out of debt, n.eat more healthily, o.do exercise, p.watch less television, q.be ecological, h.learn Spanish.

Answers: 1d, 2c, 3n, 4f, 5k, 6b, 7o, 8j, 9i, 10m, 11a, 12g, 13l, 14h, 15e, 16p, 17g, 18h.

1. Which Continent Did Captain Cook Discover In 1768?

2. What's the longest river in the Americas?

3. If you landed at Carthage airport where would you be?

4. Name the desert located in south­east California.?

5. Kingston is the capital of which country?

6. "Which Country Has Borders With France, Germany, Austria, Lichtenstein & Italy "?

7. "What continent contains Queen Maud Land, Wilkes Land and Bird Land "?

8. Which Country Has The International Car Registration EAK? 9. Who Were The First Europeans To Reach Mount Kilimanjaro In Tanzania?

10. If You Drove In A Straight Line From Moscow To Madrid How Many Countries Would You Drive In All Together?

11. "Apart from water, what runs through the mouth of the River Amazon and Lake Victoria? "?

ahorrar dinero

Fill It In

38

Friday, January 3, 2014

TRELI ON THE TELLY MORE THAN BROADCHURCH with ALEX TRELINSKI

Broadchurch seems to be the name on every critic’s lips as the best programme of 2013, and as a drama that got everybody talking and guessing, you can see why.

Stellar performances from David Tennant and Olivia Colman, along with the rest of the cast made it that rare bird of an appointment to view, as we tried to work out the identity of the murderer.

Much as I thought Broadchurch was terrific, I’m keen to point out that there were other dramas that I found just as entertaining, rather than just getting totally swept away on the Broadchurch band­wagon.

So, I also give top marks to The Fall, with Gillian Anderson and Jamie Dornan delivering in spades; also those Brummy gangsters in Peaky Blinders; and the

new high quality Stateside shows were rather thin on the ground. There was a lot of hype about the Kevin Bacon thriller, The Following, but there were too many weak episodes to make it a classic for me. Series two later this month will hopefully address these issues. We were then left with just four goodies: ­ Sleepy Hollow, Bates Motel, Graceland, and The Blacklist (which has deservedly won a Golden Globe best drama about a mass­killer, the time. actor nomination for James Southcliffe. I also enjoyed The most intriguing Spader). The most frustrating Stephen Poliakoff’s series import didn’t come from drama of the year was sea­ about the black jazz band in America, but from France, son 3 of Homeland, which London, Dancing on the with the well­paced zombie was unbelievable rubbish Edge, and though it had tale, The Returned, which until the “big twist”, and then some lows, Mr.Selfridge was picks up on the cliffhanger it became unbelievably excit­ still a decent watch most of later this year. Surprisingly, ing.

q

q

I’ve never known a year like 2013, where we have said goodbye to so many British TV legends.

Genuine greats that brought a lot to the small screen, and in many cases pioneering what we take for granted in the realms of what is a TV gold standard. Names like David Frost, Alan Whicker, Patrick Moore, and Richard Briers gave thousands of hours of wonderful entertain­ ment and helped to make TV what it has become. To add to that list, just before Christmas, we lost the great­ est ever British TV sports presenter and commentator, David Coleman. Nobody can hold a candle to him these days, and he inspired me to want to become a sports broadcaster, which I was lucky enough to do on the old radio for a number of years.

On my first Saturday after­ noon programme in the early eighties, I even carried a teleprinter up two flights of stairs into the studio to copy his famous Grandstand trick of calling the full­time soccer scores. I couldn’t hold even the slightest flicker of that candle to him in those nerv­ ous seconds, not helped by the fact that the paper jammed within a minute and nobody could fix it!

q

The greatest TV moment for me in 2013 was Andy Murray winning Wimbledon on that glorious first Sunday in July. So, unless I missed it, why could­ n’t the BBC be bothered to do a show over the holiday bringing us the highlights of a wonderful day for British and Scottish sport, whilst they dredged up a lot of dross in reviewing the F1 season?

The Courier Friday TV

January 3

03:30 Two Doors Down 04:30 This Is BBC Two 01:30 The Rebound 03:00 Skiing Weatherview 03:05 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:10 The Cat in the Hat 11:25 Race to Witch Mountain 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 The Shaggy Dog 16:15 Escape to the Country 17:15 Flog It! 18:10 Pointless Celebrities 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 Celebrity Mastermind 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Miranda 22:00 Silent Witness 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:30 Idris Elba ­ King of Speed 01:30 Idris Elba ­ King of Speed 02:30 This World

07:30 Natural World 08:30 The Culture Show 09:30 Britain's Empty Homes 10:00 Africa 11:00 Earthflight 12:00 The Great British Bake Off 13:00 The Great British Bake Off 14:00 Antiques Road Trip 15:00 Rebecca 17:05 The Queen's Palaces 18:05 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Celebrity Eggheads 19:30 Coast 20:00 Nature's Weirdest Events 21:00 Kangaroo Dundee 21:30 Christmas University Challenge 22:00 James May's Toy Stories 23:00 Drive

00:55 The Unforgettable 01:20 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 All Star Mr & Mrs 16:00 Secrets from the Workhouse 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Martin Lewis Money Show 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 The Americans

8 OUT OF 10 CATS DOES COUNTDOWN Jimmy Carr returns as host for four more editions of the comedy panel show's version of the words­ and­numbers quiz. 8 Out of 10 Cats team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson are joined by guests Rhod Gilbert, Kevin Bridges and Josie Long in this edition. Countdown regular Susie Dent is in Dictionary Corner, while Rachel Riley does the maths ­ with a little help from comedian Joe Wilkinson.

02:50 Coming Up 03:15 Emily's Song 03:30 Food Unwrapped 04:30 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 05:25 Deal or No Deal 06:25 Countdown 07:10 According to Jim 07:35 Will & Grace 08:00 Candleshoe 09:50 How I Met Your Mother 10:20 How I Met Your Mother 10:50 The Big Bang Theory 11:15 The Big Bang Theory 11:45 King Kong 14:15 Zulu 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Celebrity Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Gordon Ramsay's Home Cooking 22:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 23:00 Rude Tube

00:00 Fat for Cash 01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 Monster Moves 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Great Scientists 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Milkshake! Bop Box 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:40 Thomas & Friends 08:55 Noddy in Toyland 09:05 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:30 Peppa Pig 09:40 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:55 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:10 Tickety Toc 10:45 Inside Hollywood 10:55 The Dog Rescuers 11:20 Cowboy Builders 12:20 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 13:20 5 News Lunchtime 13:25 CSI: Miami 14:15 Doctor Zhivago 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Cowboy Builders 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother

39

The Courier Saturday TV

January 4

02:35 The Culture Show 03:35 This Is BBC Two

00:25 EastEnders

07:05 My Fake Fiancé

03:10 Weatherview

08:30 Stick It

03:15 BBC News

10:10 Life on Earth

07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Food & Drink

11:05 Life on Earth 12:00 Fred Dibnah's Made in Britain 12:30 Great British Railway Journeys

13:00 Football Focus

13:00 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds

13:45 Sportsday 14:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather

13:45 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds 14:30 The Horse Whisperer 17:10 Coast

14:15 Bargain Hunt 14:45 Escape to the Country 15:30 Live Darts: BDO World Championships

17:30 Live Darts: BDO World Championships 18:30 James May's Toy Stories 19:30 Flog It!

17:30 Final Score

20:30 Dad's Army

18:10 Frozen Planet 19:10 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:30 Celebrity Mastermind 20:00 Pointless Celebrities 20:50 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins 21:40 Casualty 22:30 Catherine Tate's Nan 23:05 BBC News; Weather 23:25 Little Fockers

00:35 Top Gear 01:35 Top Gear

21:00 Morecambe & Wise in Pieces 22:00 Dave Allen: God's Own Comedian 23:00 Dave Allen: The Immaculate Selection

00:35 01:30 04:00 05:40 07:00 07:25 07:50 08:15 08:25 08:40 08:50 09:05 09:15 09:30 10:00 10:25 10:30 11:25 12:25 12:34 12:35 13:40 15:45 16:45 17:15 17:15 17:30 17:45 20:20 21:50 22:50 23:50

Benidorm Jackpot247 Hearts in Atlantis ITV Nightscreen Pat & Stan Dino Dan Canimals Sooty Sooty Almost Naked Animals Almost Naked Animals Horrid Henry Horrid Henry Victorious Deadtime Stories ITV News Dinner Date Murder, She Wrote ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather The Chase Midsomer Murders Show Me the Telly You've Been Framed!

ITV Meridian Weather ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Live FA Cup Football Splash!

Take Me Out The Jonathan Ross Show ITV News and Weather

01:05 Alien3 03:05 The Ricky Gervais Show 03:35 The Big C 04:30 Don't Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 04:50 Suburgatory 05:10 Four Rooms 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 Little Wolf's Book of Badness 07:35 Arctic Tale 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 The American Football Show 11:00 How I Met Your Mother 11:30 How I Met Your Mother 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:30 The Big Bang Theory 13:00 The Simpsons 13:30 Jamie's Festive Feast 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 17:00 Come Dine with Me 17:30 Come Dine with Me 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:35 Come Dine with Me 19:05 Come Dine with Me 19:35 Channel 4 News 20:00 Speed with Guy Martin 21:00 Secret History 22:00 Robin Hood

CATHERINE TATE’S NAN One­off comedy special featuring the return of the much­loved character, who tends to keep her own counsel ­ until frustration causes her forthright opinions to come flooding out in a stream of colourful language. The pensioner's grandson is away in Africa doing charity work, so the OAP is assigned teenage volunteer Alice to keep her com­ pany. Together they visit the council offices to get her kitchen tap mended ­ but the trip ends in chaos and results in the pensioner going to hospital.

00:00 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 True CSI 04:50 Motorsport Mundial 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Great Scientists 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 Milkshake! Monkey 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:20 Angelina Ballerina 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:10 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Power Rangers: Megaforce 11:35 Slugterra 12:00 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 12:30 Celebrity Big Brother 14:25 Columbo: Try and Catch Me 16:00 Columbo: a Case of Immunity 17:25 Diagnosis Murder 18:25 Diagnosis Murder 19:20 Mr & Mrs Murder 20:10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 21:00 NCIS 22:00 NCIS 22:55 5 News Weekend 23:00 Celebrity Big Brother

The Courier Sunday TV

January 5

00:55 Romance & Cigarettes

00:00 Dave Allen in Search of the

02:35 Weatherview

English Eccentric

02:40 BBC News

00:55 Darts: BDO World

07:00 Breakfast

Championships 01:45 Darts Extra

10:00 The Andrew Marr Show

03:45 This Is BBC Two

11:00 The Big Questions

07:00 This Is BBC Two

12:00 Homes Under the Hammer

07:10 Odette

13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News

09:05 Monty Don's French Gardens 10:05 Countryfile 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

14:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 12:30 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds 13:15 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds 14:15 Moving On 14:00 Live Darts: BDO World 15:00 Escape to the Country Championships 15:45 Helicopter Heroes

18:00 Ski Sunday

16:15 That Puppet Game Show

18:45 Catch Me If You Can

17:00 Songs of Praise

21:00 Nature's Weirdest Events 22:00 Operation Grand Canyon with

17:35 Dolphins ­ Spy in the Pod

Dan Snow

18:35 BBC News; Regional News

23:00 Charlie Brooker's 2013 Wipe

and Weather 19:00 Countryfile 20:00 Celebrity Mastermind 20:30 Antiques Roadshow 21:30 Sherlock 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Mrs Brown's Boys

00:04 00:05 01:35 04:00 04:45 07:00 07:25 07:50 08:15 08:40 09:05 09:30 10:00 10:25 11:55 12:25 12:29 12:30 15:15 16:15 17:45 18:45 18:45 19:00 19:15 20:45 21:30 22:00 23:00 23:14 23:15 23:45

ITV Meridian Weather FA Cup Football Highlights Jackpot247 Ladette to Lady: Australia ITV Nightscreen Pat & Stan Dino Dan Canimals Sooty Almost Naked Animals Horrid Henry Victorious Deadtime Stories FA Cup Football Highlights The Unforgettable ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Live FA Cup Football The Cube Splash!

The Chase ITV News Meridian ITV Meridian Weather ITV News and Weather Dancing on Ice All Star Family Fortunes Dancing on Ice: The Skate Off It'll Be Alright on the Night ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Birds of a Feather FA Cup Football Highlights

BAD TEACHER

Comedy starring Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake and Jason Segel. Elizabeth Halsey doesn't set the best example to her high­school students; she drinks, swears and falls asleep in class. But when Elizabeth realises that the prize on offer for the highest achieving teacher would pay for her to get breast implants, she decides to change her ways ­ and at the same time woo a wealthy colleague.

00:45 Charlie Brooker's How Videogames Changed the World 02:40 Fresh Meat 03:25 Hollyoaks 05:30 Suburgatory 05:50 90210 06:35 Deal or No Deal 07:30 Barnyard 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 How I Met Your Mother 14:00 How I Met Your Mother 14:30 The Big Bang Theory 15:00 The Big Bang Theory 15:30 The Simpsons 16:00 The Simpsons 16:30 Edward Scissorhands 18:35 Channel 4 News 19:05 Deal or No Deal 20:00 Shipping Wars 21:00 Speed with Guy Martin 22:00 Bad Teacher 23:50 Rude Tube

00:00 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Psych 01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 True CSI 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 Roary the Racing Car 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Hana's Helpline 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 06:50 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 08:45 City of Friends 09:00 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:10 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 11:35 Slugterra 12:00 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 12:30 Celebrity Big Brother 13:30 Cowboy Builders 14:30 Grounded 16:15 Along Came Polly 17:55 Made of Honor 19:40 Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous 21:55 5 News Weekend 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:00 Most Shocking Celebrity Moments 2013

40

The Courier Monday TV

January 6

00:05 02:05 02:10 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

Good Will Hunting Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Wanted Down Under Homes Under the Hammer Rip Off Britain: Holidays Real Lives Reunited Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Father Brown Perfection Escape to the Country Antiques Road Trip Pointless BBC News Weather The One Show Inside Out EastEnders A Question of Sport The 7.39 BBC News Regional News and Weather Secrets of the Sales

00:00 Darts: BDO World Championships 00:50 Darts Extra 02:50 Countryfile 03:45 Holby City

04:45 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:20 Homes Under the Hammer 08:20 Bargain Hunt 09:20 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds 10:05 Britain and the Sea 11:05 Britain's Empty Homes 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Live Darts: BDO World Championships 17:15 The Great British Winter 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Railway Journeys 20:00 Great British Garden Revival 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 The Sacred Wonders of Britain 22:30 PQ17: An Arctic Convoy Disaster 23:30 Weather

00:45 Premiership Rugby Union 01:40 The Store 03:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:05 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 All Star Mr & Mrs 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Britain's Best Bakery 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 A Great Welsh Adventure with Griff Rhys Jones 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 The Bletchley Circle 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 I Shot 2013

01:50 Waltz with Bashir 03:20 Coming Up 03:50 How Not to Get Old 04:45 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 05:40 Deal or No Deal 06:35 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 According to Jim 08:00 Will & Grace 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:30 Frasier 12:00 Building the Dream 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 Come Dine with Me 15:10 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Food Unwrapped 22:00 Benefits Street 23:00 Secrets of the Living Dolls

BENEFITS STREET According to some, welfare payments are an easy route to a life of luxury and foreign holidays at the expense of hard­working taxpayers. However, as austerity continues to bite, this documentary visits the residents of one of Britain's most benefit­depen­ dent streets to reveal the daily challenges they face, such as poverty, illiteracy, and drug and alcohol problems. Yet there's also a strong sense of commu­ nity, and small acts of kindness between neighbours can go a long way.

01:55 SuperCasino 04:05 True CSI 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:20 Make It Big 05:50 Roary the Racing Car 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:05 Hana's Helpline 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 06:50 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Milkshake! Bop Box 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Olly the Little White Van 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Eddie Stobart 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Cat 8 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Monster Moves 21:00 The Gadget Show 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:00 Celebrity Wedding Planner

The Courier Tuesday TV

January 7

00:35 The Graham Norton Show 01:20 Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 12:45 Real Lives Reunited 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Father Brown 16:00 Perfection 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 The 7.39 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 Secrets of the Body Clock with Terry Wogan

00:20 Darts: BDO World Championships 01:10 Darts Extra 03:10 Idris Elba ­ King of Speed 04:10 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ The Science of Space Dive 05:30 Schools ­ The Code

06:00 Schools ­ You Too Can Be an Absolute Genius 06:30 Schools ­ Curious Cat: Steel, Electricity, Sewage 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 08:50 Real Lives Reunited 09:20 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds 10:05 Antiques Roadshow 11:05 Britain's Empty Homes 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Live Darts: BDO World Championships 17:15 The Great British Winter 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Railway Journeys 20:00 Great British Garden Revival 21:00 Stargazing Live 22:00 Stargazing Live: Back to Earth 22:30 The Truth About Immigration 23:30 Newsnight

00:20 Hellboy II: the Golden Army 02:15 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 All Star Mr & Mrs 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Britain's Best Bakery 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 River Monsters 21:00 Weight Loss Ward 22:00 The Lying Game: Crimes That Fooled Britain 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Keane & Vieira ­ Best of Enemies

THE TASTE Culinary competition in which contestants try to impress Nigella Lawson, Anthony Bourdain and Ludo Lefebvre with a single spoonful of food. The judges begin by sampling the cooking of 25 hope­ fuls, including amateurs and professionals from some of Britain's best restaurants, who must demonstrate their talents in one mouthful to earn a place on the show.

00:00 The American Football Show 01:00 Speed with Guy Martin 02:00 The Class 04:15 How Not to Get Old 05:10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 According to Jim 08:00 Will & Grace 08:50 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:25 Frasier 12:00 Building the Dream 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 Come Dine with Me 15:10 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Location, Location, Location 22:00 The Taste 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

00:00 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:00 My Secret Past 02:00 SuperCasino 04:05 True CSI 04:55 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Great Scientists 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Milkshake! Bop Box 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Olly the Little White Van 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Sacrifices of the Heart 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Highland Emergency 20:30 5 News Update 20:30 Highland Emergency 21:00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:00 Autopsy: The Last Hours Of

41

The Courier Wednesday TV

January 8

00:15 02:10 02:15 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 21:30 22:30 23:00 23:25 23:35

Insomnia Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Wanted Down Under Homes Under the Hammer Rip Off Britain: Holidays Real Lives Reunited Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Father Brown Perfection Escape to the Country Antiques Road Trip Pointless BBC News Weather The One Show EastEnders Waterloo Road Live at the Apollo BBC News Regional News and Weather A Question of Sport

00:20 Darts: BDO World Championships 01:10 Darts Extra 03:10 The Midwives 04:10 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools: Wonders of the Universe

06:00 Schools ­ Little Stargazing 06:30 Schools ­ Stargazing Challenges 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 08:45 Real Lives Reunited 09:15 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds 10:00 Great Continental Railway Journeys 11:00 Kangaroo Dundee 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 Live Darts: BDO World Championships 17:15 The Great British Winter 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Railway Journeys 20:00 Great British Garden Revival 21:00 Stargazing Live 22:00 Stargazing Live: Back to Earth 22:30 The Hidden World of Britain's Immigrants 23:30 Newsnight

00:50 01:40 04:00 04:45 06:05 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 23:00 23:30 23:35

Sports Life Stories Jackpot247 Loose Women ITV Nightscreen The Jeremy Kyle Show Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather All Star Mr & Mrs Dickinson's Real Deal ITV Meridian Weather Britain's Best Bakery The Chase ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Coronation Street Midsomer Murders ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV Meridian Weather The Jonathan Ross Show

00:00 Secrets of the Scammers 01:00 Poker 01:55 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:25 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:20 Alex Brooker: My Perfect Body 04:15 How Not to Get Old 05:10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 06:10 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:15 Deal or No Deal 07:10 According to Jim 08:00 Will & Grace 08:50 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:25 Frasier 10:55 Frasier 11:30 Frasier 12:00 Building the Dream 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 Come Dine with Me 15:10 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Restoration Man 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 Benefits Street

BIG BODY SQUAD

The return of the documentary following the work of people who provide care and support for the morbidly obese, including ambulance teams, fire crews, equipment specialists, builders and hos­ pital workers. The fire service struggles to cope when 30st Steve crashes his car, and the crew is forced to reduce his car to scrap metal to get him out.

00:00 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:00 Fat for Cash 02:00 SuperCasino 04:05 True CSI 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Milkshake! Bop Box 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Olly the Little White Van 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 'Til Lies Do Us Part 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The World's Biggest Bomb: Revealed 21:00 Big Body Squad 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:30 Hens Behaving Badly

The Courier Thursday TV

January 9

00:05 00:50 02:25 02:30 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

The League Cup Show Mimic Weatherview BBC News Breakfast Wanted Down Under Homes Under the Hammer Rip Off Britain: Holidays Real Lives Reunited Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Father Brown Perfection Escape to the Country Antiques Road Trip Pointless BBC News Weather The One Show EastEnders Dolphins ­ Spy in the Pod Silent Witness BBC News Regional News and Weather Question Time

00:20 Darts: BDO World Championships 01:10 Darts Extra 03:10 See Hear 03:40 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Orbit: Earth's Extraordinary Journey 06:00 Schools ­ The Bloodhound

Adventure 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 08:50 Real Lives Reunited 09:20 Paul Hollywood's Pies & Puds 10:05 Tudor Monastery Farm 11:05 Kangaroo Dundee 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Live Darts: BDO World Championships 17:15 The Great British Winter 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Railway Journeys 20:00 Great British Garden Revival 21:00 Stargazing Live 22:00 Stargazing Live: Back to Earth 22:30 QI 23:00 Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe 23:30 Weather

00:40 Corfu: A Tale of Two Islands 01:05 Jackpot247 03:55 Space Cowboys 06:00 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 All Star Mr & Mrs 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Britain's Best Bakery 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Birds of a Feather 22:00 Benidorm 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Brits Are Coming

WORLD’S WORST HOLIDAY HORRORS Documentary in which tourists recall dream get­ aways that have turned into nightmares. The first edition includes footage of a pleasure cruise on Liverpool's waterfront that ended in disaster, a sky­diving holiday­maker who lost an arm, and a Dutch couple trapped on an Italian beach when a huge wildfire cut off their escape route. Plus, a snowboarder who became trapped upside down in an ice tomb and a group of friends caught beneath a flash flood in Utah.

00:05 Secrets of the Living Dolls 01:05 Launched at Red Bull Studios 01:30 Serpico 03:45 The Bad and the Beautiful 05:45 Deal or No Deal 06:35 Hugh's 3 Good Things: Best Bites 06:45 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:10 According to Jim 08:00 Will & Grace 08:50 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:25 Frasier 10:55 Frasier 11:30 Frasier 12:00 Building the Dream 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 13:35 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Come Dine with Me 14:35 Come Dine with Me 15:10 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Supersize vs Superskinny 22:00 The Undateables 23:00 What Happens in Sunny Beach

00:30 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:20 Poker 02:15 SuperCasino 04:05 True CSI 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Milkshake! Bop Box 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Got Thin ­ Got Fat Again!

13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Stolen Innocence 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 World's Busiest 21:00 World's Worst Holiday Horrors 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:00 Botched Up Bodies

42

Friday, January 3, 2014

AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

CHURCH SERVICES Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and Worship Home groups meet during the week. All wel­ come from any church back­ ground or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com 968575417 or 966848806.

Reg No:2009­SG/A The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on

the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES Unlimited earnings for ambi­ tious people; low cost, money back guaranteed, phone Suzanne on 627 371 731

CARS FOR SALE Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­ prehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 or 3 bed / 2 bath apart­ ments in San Miguel. Lift, communal rooftop pool & solarium, video entry sys­ tem. Available for short or

CATERING

long term rent from 350 pcm. Tel 966723437 or 616 493 487. (148) Santiago De La Ribera. 2 bedroom modern town house with communal pool close to shops and beach.

375 euros plus water and electric bills. +34 968335605. +34 644126700.(148) Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­ ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 702: Beautiful 2 bed­ room apartment, located near los Locos beach, beau­ tifully furnished. Short term rentals from 175€ per week.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The proper­ ty overlooks a superb com­ munal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 114 This upstairs apart­ ment is situated just out of the town centre on a lovely urbanisation with a good communal pool. It has two bedrooms with an open plan kitchen, diner and lounge and kitchen. €350 per month plus bills. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

ALARMS

CARPENTER

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals.

Call us on 96 692 3963 CBR35 : Townhouse with garage, 3 bedrooms, 2 bath­ rooms, communal pool, near San Jaime Hospital in Aguas Nuevas area, 450 € pcm, call 966 923 963 CBR23 : Stylish townhouse in Los Montesinos, 3 bed 2 bath with large 65m2 garage, front and back ter­ races. Unfurnished, inc. only white goods and all light fit­ tings. 550 € pcm. Call 966 923 963 CBR37 : Smart & modern 1 bedroom ground floor apartment with seaviews inc.private gated parking.

Ideal for a retired couple; located in quiet residential area, shops nearby. La Mata, 325 € pcm, call 966 923 963.

CBR38 : Detached villa 5 minutes from San Miguel, 3 Beds, 2 Baths, with garage, 175 m plot, furnished. 500 € pcm, call 966 923 963 .

KGVM1 : Quad house in Villamartin, 4 beds, 2 baths, fireplace, garden & balcony, communal Pool.

Close to all shops, etc. 650 € pcm. Call to us to view on 966 923 963.

CBR36 : Torrevieja town­ centre, 2 bed top floor apartment with all ameni­ ties nearby, communal swimming pool. Private bal­ cony, furnished, ideal for liv­ ing in all year round. 300€ pcm, call 966 923 963 Horse Riding Stables For Rent in Catral: 14,000 m2 land, 10 individual stables and five paddocks. Includes a 3 bedroom house, Long term rent only. 16,800 euro for the year. 966 923 963 Horse riding Stables for Rent in Algorfa : 3,000 m2, 22 individual stables and 2 paddocks.

Long Term Rental only. 11,200 euro for the year. 966 923 963 CBR41 : Two bedroom, two bathroom townhouse in Torrevieja, modern decor, fully furnished, with commu­ nal pool, 350 € per month, to view call 966 923 963 CBR20: Beachfront apart­ ment 4th floor with fantastic sea views! 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, good sized bal­ cony, 400€ pcm, call now on 966 923 963 Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bed­ room apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR SALE Home and Contents cover ­ Comprehensive policies for house and contents with

CAR HIRE

CASER Seguros ­ excellent prices for expats; policies available in. Call 966 923 963 for a quote.

RS116 – 3 bedroom, 2 bath­ room towncentre apartment in Los Montesinos, beauti­ fully furnished/decorated, pool on solarium, 85.000€, call 966 923 963 Ground Floor Duplex, on the Monte y Mar estate of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Fully furnished, Private Parking, Communal pool Ref. GA0094 NOw only 83.000e Tel. 680333242 Rare opportunity to pur­ chase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing RS80 : Spanish style town­ house in Algorfa, totally reformed and redecorated, 110m2, 3 lrg.bedrooms, 1 bathroom, many extras, absolute bargain at 99,500€, call now on 966 923 963 for no obligation viewing.

Ref: 510, €70,000.

Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the super­ markets, bars and restau­ rants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­ munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com

CLEANERS

43

Friday, January 3, 2014 Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­ bished apartment in a good central location.

Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. BRJ1 – 1 bedroom top floor renovated apartment in San Luis. Great sea and lake views. 45.000€. Tel. 966 923 963 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No

K24. 627 711 155 KBJ3 : 3 bed penthouse in Guardamar, furnished, fan­ tastic sea views, communal pool and parking, 149.000€, call 966 923 963 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 RS1 : 3 bed large villa in Torrevieja on 950m2 plot, private pool, Jacuzzi / sauna, parking, 289.000€, call 966 923 963 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­ by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­

CAR BREAKERS

munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popu­ lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3 Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.

Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bath­

room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Corner Plot Property in the lower end of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Under build, Roof top Solarium Being sold Fully Furnished including White goods. Walking distance to all local amenities. 139.950e Ref. GA0087 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath­ roomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interi­ or furnishings are top quali­ ty, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and grav­ eled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in show­ er units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English

TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

MAN AND A VAN

DRAINAGE PETS

44

Friday, January 3, 2014

Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bed­ room apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed­in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large commu­ nal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155 Large 4 Bedroom, 4 Bathroom, 2 Kitchens, 2 Lounges, 600m2+ plot Large Retractable Glazed in Pool for all year swimming, Private Parking for 4 cars, Very low­maintenance, Fully Furnished. 330.000e but Negotiable. Very different to the other properties in Gran Alacant and is disabled friendly Ref: L80 Tel. 680333242 Limited Edition Fortaleze in Gran Alacant Exceptionally Large Plot. 4 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Private

Pool with Decorative Garden, Private Parking, Electric Gates, Glazed in Porch, Solarium, Under build. Quiet sought after area. Very tastefully fur­ nished and all included 370.000e Ref. K52 Tel. 627711155 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appli­ ances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter­ race, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten­ nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul­de­sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gar­

RAG AND BONE

dens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,pri­ vate parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155 Gran Alacant, Situated front line to the famous blue flag beaches of Carabassi, the real beauty of this property is its proximity to the beach, but also on offer is a fantas­ tic communal pool situated in beautifully kept gardens with little Spanish walk ways.Comprising of 2 bed­ rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, American style kitchen including all appliances, roof top solarium with stunning views, front porch area with front garden and a secure underground garage. fully furnished Ref. K23 €125,000 rare opportunity Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant limited edition villa, not very often available on the market. Only a few of this type were ever con­ structed­ Very large 5 bed­ rooms, 4 bathroom(2 en­ suit) property, situated on a large corner plot with a 10 x 5 private pool and private parking. Lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully

REMOVALS

POOLS

SURVEYOR

PLUMBERS

POOL TABLES

equipped kitchen with utility room. Large landing area, leading onto solarium, with extra storage external room.

Front porch area leading into large well established gardens with irrigation sys­ tem and fruit trees. Being sold fully furnished. Within walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and 5 minute drive to Carabassi beaches. ref.

K11. €270,000 Tel 680333242 Mid Terraced Townhouse on Avda Polognia, Gran Alacant Furnished to a very high standard and includes White Goods. 3 Bed, 2 Bath, Lounge Diner, Fully convert­ ed Under build offering a second lounge and large storage area. Roof top Solarium, Glazed in galleria with extended worktops.

Front Garden with BBQ, Communal Pool with Gardens. 132.000e Ref. K16 Tel. 627711155 Semi­Detached Villa with Open Greenland Views to the Rear and Alicante Views to the Front, means this property in Gran Alacant would appeal to anybody looking for a quiet location.

Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge diner, with working Fire place, Porch, Solarium, Established Gardens and Private Pool, Private Parking on a large plot.

265.000e Ref. L95 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working fire place, brand new kitchen with all appliances and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, established irrigated gar­ dens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a converted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished.

Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel

680333242 Offers Invited on a mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner, Galleria, Solarium, Under build.

Communal Pool and Gardens, and with Exceptional Views of Alicante. Being Sold Fully Furnished including White Goods. Ref. K42 Tel. 627711155 (reasonable offers only) 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom, Unfurnished Mid Terraced Townhouse in GA. Recently decorated throughout means this property is a very clean black canvass.

Has Air­Con & Security Grills and the use of a Communal Pool. Price recently reduced to 110.000e Ref.K12 Tel. 627711155 Reduced for a quick sale to 95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bath­ room, Top Floor Duplex in Gran Alacant. Very Modern Property with Many extras.

Glazed in Porch, Roof Top Solarium, Wooden Flooring.

Immaculate condition and ready to move in. Ref. K15 Tel. 627711155.

Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge­diner, independent kitchen, full roof­top solari­ um with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views.

Situated at the end of a small cul­de­sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted

WANTED

wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and stor­ age in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of out­ side parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL needs motivated sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a bonus but not essential.

Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainterna­ tional.com Medaesthetics require a Beautician. Must have NVQ Level 3 and working self employed email cv to sabinebrooks@hotmail.com

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your prob­ lems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

VAN HIRE

Friday, January 3, 2014

Greenside Gossip

45

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

GOLF’S UNKNOWN HEROES

If you start a post­dinner chat over the holiday sea­ son about the best ever golfers, you can guarantee to hear the same old names like Nicklaus, Woods, Hogan, Palmer, Ballesteros or Player. But search away from the lime­ light, the Majors and the golden era of golf, there are a few candidates that vie for the title of best golfer you’ve never heard of.

1.) Eddie Pearce had lots of fans. Ben Crenshaw (pic­ tured alongside him) believed he had the most “gorgeous, powerful swing”, and could “hit the most beau­ tiful shots you’ve ever seen”.

Lanny Wadkins believed he had more talent than any­ body he knew. As a college golfer, Gary Koch thought “he was like a God, he was that good”. From an early age, Pearce was going to be one of the very best golfers, winning junior and amateur tournaments by huge mar­ gins. When he left college he was being touted as the next Jack Nicklaus. Yet whilst

same winning period, he In the weeks before his death twice decided not to enter the in 2004, he did an interview US Amateur and never again with Golf Digest, which only played a US Open after win­ served to expound his posi­ ning it. His achievements tion as one of the best golfers were recognised, but seldom in the world you haven’t celebrated, and at just 28 his heard of. This quote sums up great career finished. His Norman: peers acknowledged his “One day I met Dave Pelz, greatness with Chick Evans, the short­game teacher. We Francis Ouimet and Alex were debating, and I told him Smith all championing up his I could drive the ball talents. But even today he is straighter than he could putt one. He looked at me funny, not widely known.

Eddie Pearce 5.) No list can be complete and I told him I was serious. some golfers relinquished peers to be one of the most hander, he’d practice playing without including Moe “Let’s put a post out in the their social lives in favour of talented golfers they had right handed too, and he did­ Norman, who was arguably fairway 250 yards away. You n’t play a full round of golf one of the best ball strikers choose a hole to putt at from golf, Pearce did not. Having seen. been involved in money 2.) Even before the days of until he’d practiced for a year. ever. He played just 27 PGA 80 feet away. We’ll take games from a young age – the Open Championship, the Thompson would spend Tour events before returning turns, and I bet I’ll hit the post he even beat Tommy Bolt Champion Golfer of Scotland more time practicing than to play in Canada after a dif­ before you hole a putt.” Dave right off the course – he was one Allan Robertson. A most pros and would often ference of opinion with the turned down the bet. Dave is could never shake the tag of professional golfer, caddy, win more money on a single officials. What he might have going around telling this not being serious enough clubmaker and a ball maker, hole than the pros did in a achieved had he stayed, story, so you know it’s true.” about his game. When he it is said that in all of his year by way of big money we’ll never know. But that’s Perhaps the next time some­ turned pro, his revelry years playing he never once games in and around part of the enigma that was one asks you the question became legend. Despite not lost. In 1858, he was the first Hollywood during the 1930s. Moe Norman. His nickname who was the best golfer ever, winning a PGA Tour event, man ever to break 80, by He once played US Amateur was Pipeline Moe, he hit it instead of coming out with he was recognised by his shooting a 79 at St. Andrews. Champion, George Von Elm that straight! He was so the usual suspects, try to He did so using a feathery and beat him. Thompson, accurate he didn’t need to fly have some fun by catching and with wooden shafted and other golf hustlers, the ball over water hazards; them off guard with a name Titanic Thompson clubs amidst rudimentary believed it was far more diffi­ he just aimed at the bridge! they weren’t expecting. golfing conditions (sheep cult playing golf hustle. While grazed greens for instance). spending days topping, Without Robertson, there chunking and shanking balls would have been no Open. convincingly, he’d then On his death, there was a launch a 280 yard drive just call to find out who was now when he needed. In his latter the Champion golfer, and the days, Thompson engaged Open Championship was the services of both Lee born. It was won by a pupil of Trevino and Ray Floyd for his Robertson’s, a certain Tom hustles. But before the gold­ Morris, a name we are all too en era of Palmer and familiar with.

Nicklaus, when he was 3.) One man who thought asked why he didn’t join the Dave Pelz golf existed for exploitation pro tour, he answered, “I was Alvin Thomas – better couldn’t afford the cut in pay.” known as Titanic 4.) Jerome Travers was an T h o m p s o n ( P i c t u r e d ) . amateur golfer who played in Thompson was a prolific another golden era of golf. gambler, more renowned for Known as Jerry he was one My first shot on Boxing Day shot went into the sand, a his extraordinary proposition of the best amateur players shot to truly dread. bets. His great skill came at ever to play the game, Then all at once I spotted him, a man all dressed in red. practicing, spending hours, renowned as much by his As I'm lining up my shot, it's Santa Claus I think, days and weeks on seeming­ cold and ruthless qualities as When my ball flew in the hole, He looked at me and ly impossible feats. It was in for his exceptional putting. winked. this manner he approached Between 1906 and 1915, he I knew my new clubs were going to work; I'd just made a golf. He was so good, that won four US Amateur titles, par. he’d practice in long sleeved five Metropolitan Amateurs Let's play one hole together before heading for your car. shirts and keep in the shade and the US Open. In fact, To believe in Santa at seventy, you might think it queer, so he’d look pale ‘like a only Bobby Jones won more But it isn't very often you get to see reindeer. beginner’.’ Once he’d mas­ amateur titles. Yet, his career A long Par three lay next, as we walked upon the tee. tered golf as a natural left was short­lived. During the There was no flag to aim for and the green I couldn't see Don't worry said the man in red, I know what lies ahead.

Use your trusty five iron and aim it for my sled.

I'd like to thank you for these clubs, I wasn't sure that I would get.

QUESTION He said you’re welcome son, but Christmas isn't over yet A player must determine his nearest point of relief by using I kept my head nice and still checked my stance and grip. the club with which he expects to play his next stroke.

"Nice shot" said the bearded one; it's hanging on the lip.

TRUE or FALSE It seems a shame, he must be blind, there's no ball upon ANSWER the green.

FALSE: He "should" ­ determine his nearest point of relief I was disappointed because I've struck it crisp and by using the club with which he expects to play his next clean. stroke. The use of the word "should" suggest a recommenda­ Now you know my story and no one would believe, How I made my first hole in one with Santa there to see. tion (best practice).

TITTER ON THE TEE

KNOW YOUR RULES

46

Friday, January 3, 2014

SPAIN ON TOP EIGHT MINUTE HERO Spain’s national football side finished 2013 in top spot in the official FIFA rankings for the sixth year in a row. The World Cup and European Championship hold­ ers closed out the year in first place, while Germany and Argentina claimed second and third posi­ tion in the FIFA table.

Neighbours Portugal are fifth while Italy is in seventh place.

Spain rounded off its unbeaten 2014 World Cup qualifying cam­ paign this year — a campaign which saw it collecting 20 out of a possible 24 points.

However it wasn't an unblemished year for the team known as La Roja. They lost the 2013 Confederations Cup final to Brazil 3­0,

GETAFE 2 BARCELONA 5

a result which has cast a doubt on the European's country's chances at this year’s World Cup finals in Brazil. Spain also lost a friendly to South Africa 1­0, and there was controversy about the team's decision to play another friendly against the politically suspect Equatorial Guinea.

SUPER SUB STRIKES VALENCIA 2 REAL MADRID 3

Pedro scored a hat­ trick in the space of eight minutes as Barcelona came from two goals down to beat Getafe 5­2 and return to the top of the Primera Division in time for Christmas.

A much­changed Barca side without the suspended Neymar plus the injured trio of Xavi Hernandez, Lionel Messi and goal­ keeper Victor Valdes conceded twice in the opening quarter of an hour, Sergio Escudero breaking the deadlock and then Lisandro Lopez scoring a head­ er. But Pedro's stun­ ning burst of scoring was followed by a volley and a penalty from Cesc Fabregas in the second half ­ with Pedro getting an assist and then winning the spot­kick to crown a brilliant individual per­ formance. They entertain out­of­form Elche

this Sunday afternoon. Anything other than a victory for the visitors would have meant Atletico Madrid going top for Christmas but the win kept Barcelona staying at the league's summit for the 53rd consecutive game week.

Iilicitanos lose again ELCHE 0 MALAGA 1

Substitute Jese fired home a late winner to earn Real Madrid a 3­2 victory over battling Valencia that keeps them within five points of the Primera Division pacesetters. Jese found a gap between Valencia goalkeeper Vicente Guaita and his near post with eight minutes left, to give Madrid the spoils in a match which saw the managerless home side twice fight back from a goal down.

Angel Di Maria (28) and Cristiano Ronaldo

(40) had put the visitors ahead but Valencia had levelled both times through headers from Pablo Piatti (34) and Jeremy Mathieu (62). The hosts, who were being led by youth­team coach Nico Estevez following the departure of Miroslav Djukic, could not find a third equaliser following Jese's goal though as Madrid kept the pressure up on top two Barcelona and Atletico Madrid. Real Madrid entertain Celta Vigo this Monday.

MICRO MANAGES IT FC TORREVIEJA 1 ALZIRA 0

A goal from Micro on the stroke of half­ time ended FC Torrevieja’s winless run, with a morale­boosting pre­Xmas victory at the Nelson Mandela Stadium. The result means that they are ninth in the table, six points off the play­off zone, and notching up their first home win since the start of October.

Torrevieja deserved their victory with their best performance in ages, and should have taken the lead on the half­ hour after a perfectly good looking goal from Obele was disallowed by the referee for offside.

The match official had already upset the local fans by red­carding Rafa Gomez, who had to be stretchered off after a foul challenge in midfield that wasn’t penalised, and he was officially given his marching orders for protesting, despite being substituted.

The Torry goal before the interval was a well­worked one, with Dani Lucas finding Manu Amores with an accurate pass and Manu surged to the line before rifling in his cross.

Obele darted to the near post and flicked the ball on with his head to Micro ­ on for the injured Gomez­ to bundle over the line.

Alzira didn’t trouble Torry keeper Carrion much in the 2nd half, but offered tight defence with an offside trap that was effective if frustrating, but at least the home side were grateful for their early Xmas pres­ ent of three precious points. FC Torrevieja open up their 2014 account this Sunday lunchtime travel­ ling to the north of the Valencia region to play Castellon, but they’ll have to go there without the sus­ pended Rafa Gomez, and also star player, Obele, who picked up a yellow card, to take his total to five for the season.

Elche ended 2013 on a losing note, and just a couple of points above the drop zone, as Nacho Camacho's early goal helped to see them off in their pre­Xmas meeting. The visitors got that early boost when, with their first serious attempt on goal, Camacho got on the end of Sergio Duda's curling free­ kick to glance a header past home goal­ keeper Tono and put the Andalusian side in front. Elche tried to get back on terms before the break and almost managed it in the 36th minute when Ferran Corominas was denied by the feet of Malaga keeper Willy Caballero. Carlos Sanchez also had a chance just before the interval but he could not turn in Edu Albacar's cross.

That was about as good as it was going to get for the home side, as they found

themselves on the back foot in the second half, especially after being reduced to 10 men. Elche survived a let­off in the 58th minute when Samu Garcia fired a good chance over from close range, but three minutes later the hosts were not so fortu­ nate as right­back Suarez was handed his marching orders for a foul on the Malaga striker.

There was no way back for Elche after that and Malaga could have recorded a more comfortable win had Weligton, Francisco Portillo and Duda managed to convert their chances. Elche’s return to league action is as tough as it gets this Sunday afternoon as they travel to league leaders, Barcelona, looking to avoid to a fourth successive league defeat.

Lacklustre Monte lose RAFAL 3

A sub­standard perform­ ance from Montesinos saw Rafal take the lead on the quarter­hour mark, from a free kick, though the refer­ ee missed a blatant offside from where the telling cross came. At the other end, Monte pumped up long balls for Vaz who just didn’t have a chance

CD MONTESINOS 0

against a resilient Rafal defence, with Dimitry being Monte’s only first half inspiration producing a good save from the keeper.

Monte played better in the 2nd half, but after a good shot from Vaz, Rafal made it two after a corner was badly defended. A

poor clearance from keep­ er Roberto saw the home side seal up matters, with Monte frustrated by a ref­ eree that sent off manager Juanpe from the technical area for his protestations.

Monte’s next match is on Sunday January 12th when they entertain Racing San Miguel.

47

Friday, January 3, 2014

COMEDY CALAMITIES CONTINUE AT CARDIFF! IS DOCTOR NO WAY LOOKING TO NORWAY NOW?

Well, it is the silly season, but down in the Welsh cap­ ital a confusing cross between a pantomime and a James Bond film is being acted out.

In the red corner is wacky, wealthy, far­out, Far East megalomaniac Vincent Tan, who bought the (blue) sec­ ond division football club in 2010 with his millions of Malaysian mazoomah made from McDonalds, and treated the club in true clown­like fashion. On his way to play with his new toy in Cardiff, the crackpot got lost in the panto wardrobe department and turns up at games look­ ing like a poor man’s Doctor No, sporting shades, black gloves, a Christmas­cracker Hitler moustache and two new ­ red ­ football shirts, a short­sleeved one over a

longer one. He Tantalisingly changed Cardiff’s traditional blue shirts to red, apparently to reflect Far East tastes: changing a club’s traditional primary colours is a tactless tactic, Tantamount to tempt tyranny on the terraces (think Hull City/Tigers).

In the Blue corner, and in direct sartorial contrast to himself, in 2011 Tan employed up­and­coming tracksuit/smartsuit manager Malky Mackay in the 007 role, who, after a couple of near­misses and a losing­on­ penalties Carling Cup Final, popularly managed to get the Swalian club up into the hal­ lowed halls of the prestigious Premiership.

MM then bought new players ­ per­ haps in retrospect over­ spending in slightly cavalier fashion, outspending other

promotees and other existing Prem clubs, and was accused of acting as though it was his own money. ‘Oh No, it isn’t!’ concerns were heard from Malaysia. Curtain down on first act.

In the interval, let’s pause for thought. We fervent fans who follow football, fascinat­ ed by long years of trying to fathom the whys and where­ fores, know that it’s a com­

Sharks eventually bite LOS SQUALOS 22 TOTANA 8 Kevin Wagener scored twice on his debut for the Sharks but in truth Los Squalos had a poor start to their League Two encounter with Totana. The visitors dominated the scrums in a ragged first half, with Los Squalos conceding a string of penalties, and were lucky to keep Totana down to just an eight­point half­time lead.

Los Squalos were a different proposition in the 2nd half with Kevin Wagener going over for an unconverted try. Five minutes later, fullback Daniel Stemmet, finished off a good handling move for a try which brought a two point lead over a now tiring Totana side. In the final ten minutes, Wagener scored his second try and Juamma burst through a tackle and sprinted fifty metres to score a try converted by scrum half, Jose Sanchez Fuentes. This fourth try gained Los Squalos a valuable bonus point, which keeps them at the top of League 2.

Elsewhere, the ITV Orihuela 2nd team lost away to Murcia 2nds by 13 points to 8. The first team’s next match is away to Torrevieja on Saturday January 11th.

Something to carp about Los Montesinos angler John Fisher was thrilled when he caught a whop­ ping 11lb 12oz freshwater carp.

"Fisher by name ­ Fisherman by nature!" quipped John, who landed the carp using sweetcorn as bait.

Retired postman John, who originally comes from Nottingham, used an 8lb 7oz line, on a size 12 hook.

John said: "Landing a near 12lb carp here in Spain was thrilling."

pletely new (foot)ball game just trying to stay up there for a newly­promoted club with no previous.

To kick off the second act, in another insane example of Eastern executive excess, VT called time on the club’s well­ respected chief recruitment officer Iain Moody, a friend of MM’s, unbelievably replacing him with a friend of VT’s son, a young man with Far East origins, just off work experi­ ence ­ like painting the walls of the club. With work permit problems, the young talent scout has now since depart­ ed, the whole affair guaran­ teed to cause more domestic distress ­ and solicit scornful

sniggers from nosey neutrals.

Suddenly ‘All you’ve ever wanted…’ has been forgotten in the Prem’s piranha­pollut­ ed pool, where danger lurks every week, sometimes twice ­ and there’s nowhere to hide, league tables don’t lie. The team is predictably struggling in this vital first season, and a couple of exciting early results against famous favourites flattered to deceive, and although a wel­ come­in­the­hillsides win over the nasty­neighbours helped, the club is slowly slid­ ing from respectable mid­ table, down today to within fir­ ing range of the bottom three ­ a place where managers ­ young/old/experienced/new­ bie (apply where applicable) can and are summarily being booted out after only a couple of rough results as we speak.

MM rashly made state­ ments indicating more ‘nec­ essary’ expensive purchases are needed in the New Year’s transfer window for Cardiff to survive. Over on planet Zog, VT is infuriated and with the wonders of modern technolo­

gy sends an un­festive e mail across the universe to MM ‘Resign or be sacked’. MM ignores instructions ­ again, and strides on, turkey­like towards Christmas ­ but unfortunately his team are losing more games. Unwise man VT flies in, not bearing gifts but MM’s P45 as threat­ ened ­ now almost everyone at the club is in uproar. Who’s next for stuffing VT? Paolo di Canio would fit you well.

Well now – New Year, New Norwegian! It was Gunners galore on New Year’s Day at the Emirates as VT’s blue­ f o r ­ t h e ­ d a y ­ C a r d i ff ­ c o s ­ Arsenal­are­red were stuffed 3 – 0, but sitting next to Vince was Prince Pretender Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. The ex­ Man United star, now 40, has had his management CV nourished in the Norwegian league where his Molde team are tops – but will that be good enough for Cardiff and the Prem, not to mention VT’s hugely erratic style of running the club? Good luck Ole, you’ll need it ­ and Loopy New Year, VT!

REF SEES RED MURCIA XV CADETES 5 ITV ORIHUELA CADETES 51

The Orihuela cadetes got an interest­ ing surprise in their pre­Xmas fixture, with the referee donned out in a Santa Claus outfit, though he was Scroogelike in giving out decisions for either side. It ended up being a one­sided affair, with Orihuela 20­nil to the good at half­time.

The visitors kept up the pressure in the second period, though Murcia kept playing as hard as they could, and got a late consolation try.

Game, set and Olaso

The Spanish player, Guillermo Olaso has been banned from tennis for five years and fined nearly 20 thousand Euros for match­ fixing. The Tennis Integrity Unit (TIU) found the man from Bilbao guilty of "con­ triving or attempting to con­ trive the outcome or any other aspect of any event".

The 25 year old, ranked 236th in the world, was also punished for failing to report approaches to give informa­ tion or influence any aspect of a match. The TIU

revealed the incidents hap­ pened in 2010 but didn’t reveal which matches were investigated. Olaso will not have to serve the final 18

months of his ban if he has repaid the fine by that time and has attended anti­cor­ ruption and rehabilitation courses.

Friday, January 3, 2014

48

AND IT’S ‘OLE’ FROM NORWAY! Eurovision comes to Cardiff via Gunnars

As it persistently hissed it down in the wet ‘n windy UK, it was a Happy New Year for some, not so for others with no change at the top of the Prem over the frantic festivities. Arsenal eventually put crazy Cardiff away 2 – 0 at the ecstatic Emirates (Bendtner belter with Walcott’s fifth­in­five), to stay one point ahead of Man City and two in front of Chelsea ­ see inside page for a Cardiff update, where Norwegian Ole Gunnar Solskjaer looks set to take control (well, sort of…) in the concerned capital of Wales.

Hartfelt English thanks to Manuel Pellegrini ‘n all at City for restoring our Number One goalkeeper to his rightful place behind those barnstorming Blues Boys ­ he needs the regular practice against top opposition.

Swansea supplied it at the Liberty Stadium scoring two, neither really down to big Joe. City sportingly spared their strikers New Year’s Day off, their three thrillers coming from two midfielders and their last, a 40 yard storming run and finish from full back Pablo Zabaleta.

Down on the wet and windy south coast, masterly Mourinho sorted out stuttering Southampton 3 – 0, showing students sensible use of substitutes: firstly for miffed Mata and Schurrle second halfedly read the boys from Brazil, Oscar and Willian. Oscar dives dreadfully, duly booked (what say, Jose, Suarez/ pot/kettle/black?), then lays on the first for strike­

John McGregor reports

starved Toro Torres, same the second smashed in by Willian and scores the last: superb… N.B. Dads Army defence Clive­Dunn good, barnacled blue barrier bar­ rackaded sad Saints who sustained sodall, sinking slowly down.

He did it again… Super Suarez scored his twentieth of the season as Liverpool reminded Hull (6 ­0 winners against Fulham last week) what it’s like playing against an Anfield avalanche. The Reds tamed the City Tigers (?) 2 – 0, swapping places with nice neighbours Everton, who eventually and rightly equalised Stoke’s opener with an injury­time penalty: Bainsey’s back, and with 11 from 11 spot­kicks, Lethal Leighton never misses.

It’s an unbelievable three wins and a draw for Sherwood the Shifter at Turnaround Tottenham. Tim even turned Champions Man United over, away 2 – 1 at Old Trafford (psst – where’s Townsend, Tim ­ and on missing key players, Dave, where’s reliant Robin van Persie these days when you need him?) That’s four home defeats for United already this season. Past Prem proverb: Champions usually never lose more’n three – Prince David’s under pressure, pal.

Sorry, Sam ­ gotta getta new geezer at Upton Park…

See mate, it’s working for the ‘uvvers dahn in the Dreaded Drop Department. Peep at Pulis’s Palace pulling away, point made again drawing 1 – 1 at nervy Norwich (P.S Chamakh lucky to stay on, Fer off…).

West Ham blew it again ­ not blowing bubbles, but tempting troubles. For the second time in a month, captain Kevin Nolan was “irresponsibly” (Sam’s stern summary) sent straight off for thuggery, the hapless

Hammers then going down (Freudian slip?) by two Fulham goals, Rene’s revitalised revellers ringing in the New Year – and rising (their third win under new mgmt, so there, Hammers…)

Villa stopped the rot by gratefully accepting an early gift goal from suffering Sunderland where Premiership daylight is dimming again at The Stadium of Light.

Gaby Agbonlahor’s seizure on Black Cats captain Lee Cattermole’s mistake gave the Villains their first win in six, to relieve domestic pressure on Paul Lambert ­ but just nowt is going right at the bottom for poor pul­ verised Gus Poyet.

Anelka­antics apologies accepted, you wouldn’t have put your money on West Brom doing much against in­ form Newcastle, but the Baggies stand­in boss Keith Downing has steadied the ship with their first win in ten, following three draws since Steve Clarke was sacked. Sure, it was only by a penalty three minutes from the end, with the Magpies Debuchy sent off for a disgusting tackle, but hey, why not give Keith a crack at The Hawthorns ­ just look at Tottenham and Tip­Top Tim? In the Championship Lofty Leicester are leading, four points clear of Burnley, with QPR, Derby, Forest and Ipswich in the play­off positions closely followed by Brighton, Leeds, Reading and Blackburn.

Next weekend it’s ‘oop for t’ Coop, third round with some belting fixtures as the big boys enter the fray – like Arsenal Tottenham, Newcastle Cardiff, Southampton Burnley, Everton QPR and Stoke Leicester: game(s) on!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!