Week 164

Edition 164

www.thecourier.es

Friday, April 11, 2014

SHUTTLE LIFTS OFF AIRPORT BUS LINK A BIG HIT

By ALEX TRELINSKI Torrevieja’s shuttle bus service to Alicante­Elche airport has passed the sym­ bolic 150 thousand passenger mark since it first hit the road in 2011, and there’s been a big rise in users so far this year.

The coach has also been given a makeover with a brand new livery to promote the city as well as July’s 60th

anniversary staging of the Habaneras Choir competi­ tion.

The shuttle service, which began in May 2011, has seen just over 13 thousand passengers using it in the first 3 months of 2014, which is a 29% boost compared to the same period last year.

Torrevieja Mayor, Eduardo Dolon said that the first quar­ ter of 2014 saw an average of 145 customers per day, compared to 112 in 2013.

Overall, the shuttle had a big increase in users last year, with over 51 thousand pas­ sengers, which was a large leap of nearly 40% com­ pared to the 2012 numbers.

The 8 daily journeys start­ ing at 7.00am use the AP7 to get to El Altet as opposed to the coastal N332 route, because of likely delays, especially in the summer.

The 50 minute journey from Torrevieja starts from the bus station at Calle del Mar, and costs just under 7 Euros for a single trip. José Pedro

García Cerdán from the Costa Azul bus company said that they have asked for a dedicated bus stop at El Altet which will hopefully get the go­ahead.

The new look coach was unveiled by Eduardo Dolon beside Torrevieja’s Man of the Sea monument this week which features images of the Torrevieja area over most of the vehicle created by the Tourist Department, alongside the logo for this summer’s Habanera con­ test.

With next weekend’s big Easter holiday including a Red Day on Good Friday, The Courier will be publishing a day early on Thursday April 17th.

Our latest edition is always online at www.thecourier.es

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Friday, April 11, 2014

Are you a snapper? Do you have a great photo? Send it to design@thecourier.es and if we think it is good enough we will publish it as our Picture of the Week TELEPHONE

E­MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon ­ Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Alex Trelinski CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Alan Tel 616 332 178 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor

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Picture of the Week

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'Who you lookin at?' Giraffe in Fota Wildlife Park, Ireland. Photo by RICHARD O ROURKE

Riddle of Brit murder FAKE QUACK The mystery of the body in the bag found on La Zenia beach on March 29th has been solved, with it being identified as the miss­ ing British man, Francis Brennan, who was kidnapped in Javea in January by men said to be posing as Guardia Civil officers. 25 year old Brennan, from Liverpool, was last seen on January 24th when he was stopped in a friend's car by the fake coppers, and his body was formally identified by Spanish authorities at the end of last week.

He fled Britain ahead of a sentencing date last October for an assault he committed in the Thames Valley area in 2012. His girl­ friend, Sophie Staunton, went out to Javea in December to persuade him to return home before he went missing a month later. In February, his parents, Carl and Janet,

appealed to the British public and the British ex­pat commu­ nity in Spain to come forward with any infor­ mation that could lead to his safe return.

Nothing more was heard until a man's body, tied up and in a bin­bag, which was surrounded by packing tape, was washed up on La Zenia beach, with Merseyside Police in talks with their Spanish counterparts over the investigation. The Guardia suspect his feet may have been tied to a concrete block to make him sink and the body disappear, but it is not known whether he was already dead when thrown into the sea.

A spokesman for Merseyside police said: "We are providing Francis’s parents with support and advice at this difficult time. A live police investigation carried out by the authorities in Spain remains ongoing."

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A Bigastro man who claimed he had qualifications to prac­ tise osteopathy, physiotherapy and naturopathy has been arrested. The bogus medic operated from his home address, and displayed a wide range of Spanish medical certificates on his walls, all of which were fake. He admitted to the police that he had no qualifications, and had been arrested before on charges of working illegally as a doctor.

Beggars belief

SURF DUDES DEMO

Surfers are to demonstrate this Sunday over a ban on their sport at Cala Cerrada beach in La Zenia, which they say is the only area of the Orihuela Costa that has perfect condi­ tions for their pastime. Laws prohibit surfing in the region mainly on the grounds that surfers would get in the way and cause accidents with bathers, but the council is looking at offering some limited access at Cala Cerrada at off­peak times. The Torrevieja Surf Association say they’ve been annoyed that a new sign has appeared there prohibiting the use of boards at the beach, adding that some sort of amiable agreement should be able to be reached between all parties.

Publication

ARRESTED

An organised gang of beg­ gars have been stopped from operating around Alicante City, with the four ring­leaders being arrested.

It’s alleged by the National Police that the bosses forced mainly Romanian disabled

people, including children, to work for them around the busiest areas of the city, and then they’d take most of the money away.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines?

What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap­

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

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Friday, April 11, 2014

MODEL SUSPECT Hens stage cock fight IN CUSTODY

A Slovakian model is in custody in her native country, awaiting extradition to Spain on a charge of murdering her ex­boyfriend, British million­ aire Andrew Bush. 24 year old Mayka Kukučova allegedly shot 48 year old Andy Bush dead at his Estepona villa on the Costa Del Sol, having just flown in from London. Friends say that she unable to come to terms with splitting from Bush and became crazed and jealous, and apparently unloaded the two bullets into his head before fleeing the scene in his 4x4 vehicle. Malaga police confirmed that Kukučova had fled to Slovakia but was arrested there on an international warrant on Tuesday.

Bush’s ex­wife Sam Mason, who has a 19­ year­old daughter, Ellie, with Mr Bush said Mayka was with her former husband for two years and became 'crazed, jealous and

obsessive' when it ended.

According to Ms Mason, her ex­husband had been seeing a Russian girl for a couple of weeks, with the 21 year old discovering Kukučova in Bush's bed, and she went downstairs to him saying she 'could not deal with this' and would wait outside while he resolved the situation.

The Russian woman, Maria, hid in the 4x4 car when she heard screams and crashes from the bedroom, and then minutes later saw the former H&M model running towards her, yelling at her to get out of the car. Mayka Kukučova jumped in and drove off at speed, and the vehicle was later found abandoned.

When Maria went upstairs, she found Andrew lying in a pool of blood. According to several sources, the police took well over an hour to reach the villa in the Cancelada urbanisation because they 'could not find it'.

NEAREST AND DEAREST An 85 year old Alicante man is behind bars after stabbing his 80 year old wife in the neck. The knife attack in Alicante City happened outdoors last Sunday morn­ ing, with the woman taken to the University Hospital of Sant Joan, where she recov­ ered from her injuries, whilst her husband was detained by the National Police. A court remanded him to a psy­ chiatric wing of prison on Tuesday.

Fly like an eagle

The famous Barclays Bank eagle may not be flying much longer in the Spanish market, with reports that that it’s looking to sell off its crisis­hit Spanish subsidiary.

The bank with some 2,800 staff and 271 offices in Spain has contacted possible advisers including Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch and Morgan Stanley to get a feel for what the bank might fetch on the market. The subsidiary lost 681 million Euros from 2011 to 2013 and has halved the number of offices in that period, while staff numbers have been slashed by a third.

LOST SIGNAL

An illegal mobile phone mast erected in El Chaparral/La Siesta area of Torrevieja in 2011 will have to be taken down. Telefónica have been ordered to remove the offending structure by Torrevieja’s Planning Department, for not having an appropriate license and for also putting it in a green area, at the jucntion of Calle Henri Matisse, Calle Guridi, and Calle Rossini.

SPAIN’S LOW RATES

Spain has the lowest death fig­ ures from breast cancer in Europe, with around 16 deaths per 100 thou­ sand of the female population per year, compared to a European aver­ age of 23.9. Portugal, Cyprus and Finland are the countries with the next lowest figures, 19, 20.3 and 20.6 respectively, according to Cancer Research UK. The rate is highest in Ireland, at 31 per 100,000.

A British bride on a Ryanair flight to her Spanish hen party was caught on camera punch­ ing and hitting the girl who was to be her bridesmaid.

Kelly Lloyd, 30, from Carnforth, Lancashire, was flying from Manchester to Barcelona when she laid into her hitherto best friend Katrina Hanafin mid­flight after a dis­ pute over seating arrange­ ments. Although the video shows Kelly shouting insults at Katrina, as she punches her in the aisle, these are impossible to make out and as yet it is not known what provoked the attack. Air stew­ ards ordered the girls to sit down and showed Kelly back to her seat, but it is not known whether she will be sanctioned fur­ ther for her behaviour on board.

Katrina (pictured with a black eye and bruised wrist) flew back the following day after spending the night in the airport, and said she had to be treated in A&E for multi­

Gang of sham

The National Police have smashed a mass criminal gang that specialised in shipping in illegal immigrants and arrang­ ing sham marriages. 66 people, 55 of which are Spanish, have been arrested across Alicante Province including a magistrate in Aspe and 4 postal workers in Elche. A wide range of fake documents were produced by the gang, with some of the profits from the operation being sent to Columbia. The Aspe magistrate is said to have been involved in many of the bogus weddings.

MED’S BEST

ple bruising. She did not attend the hen party, which was further north in the Costa Brava town of Lloret de Mar. Kelly’s mother said her daughter's actions could have been medically­induced, as she reportedly took tranquillisers before getting on the plane, as she is nervous of flying, and may have also drunk alcohol to calm her nerves even fur­ ther. But she reportedly claimed she had been acting in 'self­defence' and had not been drinking.

FOOT ON THE GAS A 43 year old driver who tried to mow down a Torre Pacheco policeman has been arrested after being involved in a five mile chase. The Morroccan was stopped after driv­ ing in the middle of the road, but then tried to run over one of the offi­ cers before accelerat­ ing off. He was caught in Roldán, with police saying that he had previous form

over burglaries, gang mem­ bership, as well as danger­ ous driving.

WATER WHEEL LICKED Easter visitors to Guardamar will be able to enjoy a spruced­ up restored replica of the old water wheel, “Noria del Boto”.

The wheel is always a talking point for tourists, with the origi­ The Mediterranean diet has got the thumbs­up in the battle nal structure based at the river­ against diabetes, according to some new Spanish research. bank by the La Comuna dam.

The boffins found the diet, supplemented with extra virgin It’s now been given a fresh coat olive oil (EVOO) is more likely to prevent type two diabetes of paint, at its location at the than a low fat diet, or one supplemented with mixed nuts. A junction of Avda.Los Pinos and sample of 3,451 people aged between 55 and 80 took part in Inginiero Mira. the study and were split into three groups.

The incidence of diabetes was 40% lower in those supple­ menting with EVOO, and 18% lower in those supplementing with mixed nuts, compared to the sample group which was The luxury home market on the Costa Blanca seems to be not supplementing with anything. Researchers said the inclu­ sion of non­saturated fats, such as those found in EVOO and on the rise, with the Torrevieja and Orihuela Costa areas mixed nuts, was the key to reducing the chance of getting showing an average price of 350 thousand Euros for a villa, with the buyers coming from Britain, Scandinavia, Russia diabetes.

The same diet supplemented with EVOO was also recently and Germany. Estate agency Engel & Völkers say that championed for reducing the risk of dementia among older there’s been a 40% rise in the luxury market sales last year, and that business is brisk so far in 2014. people.

WHAT CRISIS?

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Friday, April 11, 2014

SPANISH BUZZ Murcia’s main man

Spanish bees live longer compared to those in other parts of Europe according to a major honey bee study. The Epilobee study from the European Commission looked at death rates across 17 countries and found that winter mortal­ ity rates varied between 3% and 33% depending on the country. Only six countries, including Spain on 9.5%, had a winter death rate of less than 10% which the EC said was an acceptable threshold. Italy had the best figure with 5.3%, whilst Belgium was the worst with 33.6%, followed by Britain on 29%. Bumblebees and other wild bees were not looked at in the survey, which covered some 32 thousand colonies.

ALL GO PILAR

Murcia’s new President, 62 year old Alberto Garre (pic­ tured), was sworn in this week, replacing Ramón Luis Valcárcel who resigned after 19 years in office in order to become a Euro MP in May’s European elections. Garre, a Torre Pacheco lawyer, was Valcárcel’s second­in­command, and was a regional MP for 13 years until a decade ago, and had been hand­picked by Valcárcel as his successor.

BIGASTRO DEATH

FLIGHTS UP Alicante­Elche airport showed an increase of 4.1% in pas­ sengers in March compared to the same month last year.

Overall figures have shown a boost of nearly 10% over the first 3 months of 2014, as opposed to the same period in 2013. Experts say that the figures are especially significant as the 2013 statistics included a March Easter which this year won’t happen until next weekend. UK passengers led the numbers at El Altet with 265 thousand travellers, with air­ port running just over 4% more flights compared to March last year.

Hola Marks and Sparks?

A 30 year old woman died in a two­car collision on the CV95 in Bigastro. The incident happened early on the morn­ ing of Thursday April 3rd, with the female dying immediately, whilst the other male driver only suffered minor injuries and was taken to the Vega Baja Hospital.

COSTA BUMPER

5 kilometres of beach around Pilar de la Horadada are ready for the Easter holiday season, with buoys and beacons being re­installed after the winter break to improve water safety. Lifeguards will be operating as well from tomorrow (Saturday April 12th) through to a week on Monday(April 21st), with coverage on the beaches at Las Higuericas, Mil Palmeras (pictured), Jesuitas, and El Conde.

FIRE ALERT

Emergency servic­ es are to go on heightened alert for any forest fires over the Easter Holiday period in the Costa Blanca region.

Valencian govern­ ment authorities are to run a special cam­ paign starting next Thursday(April 17th) with extra resourcing during the night from the National Police, as part of a team of 246 agents patrolling the area.

Catral sentence

A Catral man’s been jailed for setting fire to his former girlfriend’s house in the town, with her family members in it.

An Alicante court put the unnamed 23 year old behind bars for 3 and a half years, after he set fire to a car out­ side where they lived in June 2012, but the flames spread to their house in Catral.

Prosecutors had asked for a 20 year jail stretch, but it was substantially knocked down because the court viewed the property damage as minor, with little risk to life.

Not so dirty Dolores

WHAT A CHOKER Artichoke rustlers who stole 540 kilos of the famous local veg­ etable were stopped by Murcia local police, who thought something suspicious was going on when 2 cars travel­ ling late at night close to La Purisima village were heavily loaded. The gut feelings of the coppers were correct as they found the two vehicles stuffed with arti­ chokes, which had clearly been cut earlier. Other tell­ tale signs included fresh mud on the tyres, in addition to the lower part of both

It’s going to be a bumper year for tourism on the Costa Blanca:­ so claims the Valencia President, Alberto Fabra.

The up­beat prediction from the region’s top politician fea­ tures an expectation of some 23.2 million tourists, up by over half a million on the 2013 figures. 2014, as reported in The Courier last week, has had an impressive start in the Costa Blanca with substantial rises in numbers compared to the same period last year.

Dolores is trying to clean itself up, with the council launching new ini­ tiatives to improve things around the town. New rubbish collection areas are to be put in with a greater focus on keeping some of the busiest areas cleaner like the old Market area, in addition to improving street cleaning.

Worrying stats cars, as well as the shoes and trousers of the suspects.

The Murcia region residents, aged between 19 and 59, were then taken to the local police station, having been unable to prove that they were the legal owners of the artichokes.

Domestic violence against women is above the national average on the Costa Blanca. Official figures show that the Valencia region would have just over 66 complaints per 10 thousand women, as opposed to the national figure of 52 complaints per 10 thousand. The figures for Murcia were not that far behind at a ratio of under 64 per 10 thousand. The Valencia figures for death through domestic violence in 2013 were even worse, with 9 fatalities, putting the region just behind Madrid as the worst in the country.

The iconic UK retailer, Marks & Spencer might be returning to Spain, some 15 years after quitting the country eyeing a possible return to Spain some 13 years after the retailer left the country with its tail between its legs. In 2001, the chain closed all of its shops in continental Europe, including 9 in Spain, after clocking up substantial debts in the failed ven­ ture.

The company is looking to go continental again, after a successful return to France and a flagship store in Paris.

Now, the retailer is looking to open shops in Madrid and Barcelona, though nothing is being slated for the Costa Blanca or Murcia regions. The company’s global strategy also involves gaining a foot­hold in India, China, and Russia.

TINY TREMOR

An earthquake measuring 1.7 on the Richter Scale hit the Torrevieja area on Tuesday evening. The epicentre was in the sea off the Torrevieja coast and happened at 8.41pm.

KINGS ON THE STAND The trial of 8 members of Torrevieja’s notorious youth gang, the Latin Kings, started this week, with charges over 2 stab­ bings that happened back in the city in 2005. Two of the defendants are facing 13 years in jail, with the prosecution calling for a range of shorter sentences for the remaining 6 who are accused of conspiracy. The 2 stabbings happened as part of a park brawl with a rival gang.

Callosa crack

A large crack in the wall of Callosa de Segura’s historic San Martin church is tolling warning bells for local officials.

Restoration work started on the bell tower a few weeks ago, but more extensive work is needed especially to the roof, in addition to the crack, which is connected to problems with the foundations.

Friday, April 11, 2014

HEART OF THE MATTER A Valencia hospital has become the first in the coun­ try to put an artificial heart in a patient, with the man now back at home and doing well.

Vicente Sorribes, 51, was told by his consultant at La Fe Hospital's cardiology department that a transplant would not help him and that the only chance of saving his life would be to fit a 'mechan­ ical heart'.

Before the five­hour opera­ tion, Vicente was unable to walk, let alone climb stairs, and said he could not eat or lie down. Dr José Anastasio Montero said the artificial heart is a small spinning pump fitted to the lower left part of the heart – which did not have to be

removed – connected to the aorta with a pipe which pumps the blood round the body continuously and with­ out any valves. Another cable runs through Vicente's abdomen to the outside of his body, which is perma­ nently connected to a small computer running off rechargeable batteries.

The hospital monitors the information generated by the computer to ensure every­ thing is working properly, and they’ve told the electricity company which supplies Vicente's home that they must not cut off his supply for any reason at all, since he needs to be able to recharge his batter­ ies, and if he loses it, he’d die within minutes.

Security guards will face charges of assaulting a French couple in a Torrevieja hypermarket, if they have been found to have over­stepped the mark in the incident at Carrefour last December 30th. The United Left MP, Ricardo Sixto, raised the matter in the Madrid Parliament along with concerns over the behaviour in general of private security companies across Spain. Sixto said that the worldwide coverage via the internet of the Torrevieja “assault” had given the

wrong message for potential visitors to the country. In a written reply to the MP, the Government assured him that private securi­ ty companies are subject to continuous inspections from various branches of the police, as well as from the people that hire them. The reply also said that between 2011 and 2013, 86 security companies had been disciplined for overstepping the mark. The matter of the Torrevieja assault is currently in the hands of the Guardia Civil.

UP IN THE AIR

DOWN IN THE DUMPS

Virtually nobody is confi­ dent about a Spanish eco­ nomic recovery, according to the shock findings of an opinion poll carried out by the National Research Council. Despite the Madrid government saying the worst of the economic crisis is over, just 1% of those sur­ veyed said that the econom­

ic situation for the country is good.

After speaking to 2500 people at the start of March, the NRC said that 44.4% of the population still feels the financial situation is “very bad”, while 40.1% label it as just “bad”. 42.5% actually viewed the current state of the economy as even worse

than 2013! Only 9.1% believe there has been some improvement, while the figure for those who believe it will get even worse is even more pessimistic: 23.6%. When asked about their own finances, 58% said that they expected to be no better off next year than they are now.

VAPING FINES

E­cigarette “smokers” could be fined up to 600 Euros if they have a drag in or near chil­ dren’s parks, schools or health centres. The new law, which is now effective across Spain, prevents the use of E­cigarettes any­ where that traditional cigarettes are banned, with the exception – to date – of bars and restaurants under private ownership.

Public buildings, including council offices, libraries and community centres, all forms of

public transport including airlines run by Spanish companies, and any education cen­ tre except in open spaces in universities or those with exclusively adult students are all no­go areas for people 'smoking' E­ciga­ rettes, an action known as 'vaping' because these give off vapour rather than smoke.

First­time infractions will see 30 Euro fines, but if the smoker is caught a third time, the penalty will rise to 600 Euros.

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Friday, April 11, 2014

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

ANIMAL TRAGIC Disgrace of the Pilar donkeys that no-one cares for

I AM writing on behalf of the poor donkeys kept opposite the new police station in Pilar de la Horadada.

There are currently three adults, and until a couple of weeks ago there was also a baby, which has now been removed. In the last few days, a horse has also arrived.

The enclosure in which they are kept (I could not glorify it as a field) is a mud patch, about 30 feet by 20 feet, triangular, enclosed by a wall, a hedge, and some rusty broken wire netting on the longest side, with no grass whatsoever.

This is not large enough for one animal, let alone four.

The enclosure is owned by a

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local animal feed store, to whom I complained about the state of the donkeys, on first meeting them in November last.

This company rents the space to the owner of the animals. At this time there was no obvious food or water for them, also the enclosure was full of rubbish.

I obtained permission from the company to clear out the space and also to put water there, which I, and also a friend, have been doing since then, a couple of times a week.

After my complaint, a water container did appear, but more often than not, it was empty.

I contacted the charity Easyhorse rescue, who said they would be able to rehome them, but only if requested to do so, and I needed to denounce the owner to the council. This I did, and received a letter in return, to say that a vet had looked at them (one was lame), and both the vet and the police were satisfied with their condition! (Obviously they had not looked too closely!).

I bought a water contain­ er, which my friend and I try to keep filled up. It was empty today, when I took carrots and lettuce.

There have been a few deliveries of straw bales, presumably either for them to eat or to lie down on.

Why am I writing to you?

How do I catch up with your Spanish lessons?

I don't know if there is any point, but I thought that maybe if more people could get involved, people power might persuade the owner that there would be a better home at the rescue centre.

There seems to be no purpose to the donkeys' existence; they do not appear to be working, or to be pets, so I ask, why are they there?

They are quite obviously very mis­ erable, in fact, one of them has

Horror of pet cat’s mutilation A LEGAL demonstration is to be held this Sunday in Rojales over the brutal mutila­ tion and murder of a pet cat, The animal’s remains were subsequently dumped on its owner's doorstep.

The seven­month­old cat had its legs chopped off with a Spanish hoe (some­ thing like a spade) and its throat severed with the same instrument. It had been severely beaten and totally disfigured.

Sunday’s demonstration has been arranged by the Protectora de Animales and Plantas in Alicante, plus other groups.

The protest will be staged from 18:30 to 19:30 in the area where the market is held in Rojales (the official address is on the notice in Spanish alongside).

STEVE COOK, Los Montesinos.

rubbed its chest almost bare, which is a classic sign of boredom and misery.

In conclusion, I am hoping to form a group, preferably with a Spanish speaker, which together would have enough influence to get these poor animals moved to a caring home.

Thank you DIANA WILTSHIRE, Torre de la Horadada

I HAVE gone back into your archives to try to learn Spanish with Jeanette Erath as each week you progress, you are leaving me further and further behind!

I started from Lesson 14 and am currently up to Lesson 20 but unfortunately, I am missing all the lessons up to Lesson 14.

You mentioned in one of your lessons to email you if you cannot find them all. Well, I am missing weeks 1­13 inclusive and also several others up to the current date.

Any help you can give me with getting the missing lessons would be much appreciated.

I have really enjoyed your les­ sons so far – particularly the homework! It makes me feel young!

All the best and keep up the good work.

ANN HOLLIES No problem, Ann. All of Jeanette’s Spanish lessons are now accessible on our website.

Go to http://www.thecourier.es/back­ issues/ Click on the edition you want to read and a virtual news­ paper will pop up. Just flip the pages to where you want to

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Friday, April 11, 2014

THERE'S nothing more frightening than being hit by an unexpected health worry.

I've spent the last couple of weeks struggling to stay awake – and not through lack of sleep.

When the tiredness comes on, it's like a black cloud descends on me. I struggle to keep my eyes open.

The drowsiness seems to hit every ten or 15 min­ utes...and the biggest worry of all is that it can come on while I am driving.

It's all very well for the wheels of my little Kia to be tyred (forgive me!), but I realise what could happen if I crash out while the vehicle is in motion.

Fortunately, I don't stray far from home in the car these days. Apart from any­ thing, I don't have any wake­ down cover (more forgive­ ness, please).

But seriously (yes, despite all the puns), the fear of nod has put the fear of God into me.

So on Monday afternoon I nipped over to the local pri­ vate clinic for an eye opener.

I mean, it's all very well to ask friends what they think, but when you feel increasing­

THE LOUSY, DROWSY DAYS OF SUMMER... ly lousy and perpetually drowsy, it's time to call in the professionals.

I had visions of being despatched by ambulance straight to hospital in a des­ perate attempt to prevent me falling into a 1,000­year sleep (and presumably attending my own wake in 3014).

I'm trying to keep this humorous but inside I’ve been really worried. And I still have no definite diagnosis.

The doctor carried out a physical examination and an ECG, took my blood pres­ sure, checked through my medications – and found nothing untoward.

I’m still awaiting the results of blood tests but he did come up with one other pos­ sible cause of the sleepi­

MUCH as I hate the thought of ever moving back to the UK, the reality of old age is becom­ ing an increasing concern.

I’ve touched on the subject before, but the prospect of fac­ ing my final years without a trusted and reliable carer does not bear thinking about.

I hate the lousy English weather, I hate the over­crowd­ ed cities and I hate the traffic jams. But at the end of the day, it is where my two daughters and their families are ­ and where I know I will always have someone to take care of me.

Oddly enough, my younger daughter Lisa and her partner Rob recently moved into a big new house north of Manchester. And even more oddly, it happens to have a large extension?

Granny flat, did you say?

ness. And it is a real eye­ opener.

My body clock may sim­ ply be having difficulty adjusting to Spanish sum­ mer­time.

“It could be a seasonal thing,'' ventured the doc.

“Some people's bodies take time to adjust to the changes – it is possible that this is the problem with you.''

It all sounded very weird to me until I cast my mind back a couple of weeks to the clocks going forward.

The change came just five days after I returned from a trip to the UK, so I actually had to accommodate two time changes.

Could it all be down to jet lag, then?

I'll let you know if and when I wake up.

A gamble on the bets of both worlds IN the good old days, my partner and I used to enjoy an occasional night out at the local casino in Manchester.

If I'm honest, we went there more for the subsidised restaurant fayre than the negligible prospect of get­ ting rich.

We weren't big gamblers but we did enjoy watching the high­rollers splashing out on the roulette tables.

To most of us, the thrill of win­ ning provides a real adrenalin rush – a moment of true excitement.

The cushion in those days, of course, was that you could only play roulette or blackjack in a

licensed casino. Once you left the premises, your money was safe ­ what was left of it, anyway.

In today's frightening world, however, there is no protection from the veritable Las Vegas of internet gambling sites where one can win or lose a fortune at the mere press of a key.

And to those with a gambling problem, the whole scenario repre­ sents a potential death sentence.

Literally.

I enjoy a little wager myself but fortunately I know when to stop.

However, some people just cannot resist chasing their losses...and this is where the real danger

exists. So much so that a friend of mine has paid to have a pro­ gramme fitted to her computer which prevents access to ANY internet betting site.

My friend is, by her own admis­ sion, an addict. So much so that she gambled herself to the point of bankruptcy before coming to terms with the problem.

She was lucky in that she saw the light before it was too late. But I fear for many other poor souls who cannot resist pouring all their income into everything from scratchcards and lotteries to bingo and casinos.

These gambling sites may be

making a fortune, but they are also playing with people's lives.

Most of the online casinos have a self­exclusion section which enables those who accept that they have a problem to ban them­ selves.

The trouble is that those people in the biggest danger do not see the light until it their life is in ruins.

I honestly don't know what the answer is, short of banning inter­ net gambling altogether. I hope I am terribly wrong, but if the explo­ sion of easy­to­access betting sites is not halted, bullets will fly.

Fired by losers playing Russian roulette.

8

Friday, April 11, 2014

Friday, April 11, 2014

9

10

Friday, April 11, 2014

GOING UNDERCOVER

Sometimes I wish there had been no television set in my childhood home.

Then the family might have gathered around the piano in the parlour for a sing­song. Not that we had a piano nor, indeed, could any of us sing.

What I think I'm trying to say is that life seemed to be simple then.

'It was YOU who were simple then,' Mrs S butted in as she buttered the break­ fast toast last Sunday morn­ ing. 'I can remember you from afar at primary school.

You were the boy who used to shuffle along the play­ ground perimeter, constantly muttering to yourself under the scarf you wore wrapped around your lower face.'

'That's not being simple.

That's merely being idiosyn­ cratic,' I argued. 'Anyway, I wore the scarf because I was cold. And because I was cold, my teeth were chatter­ ing not muttering.'

'But it was the middle of August for goodness sake!'

Mrs S said.

'An elementary mistake, my dear!' I cried triumphant­ ly in my best Sherlock Holmes (or was it Poirot?) voice. 'It was the summer holidays in August.

Therefore we wouldn't have been at school. So how could you have possibly spied me in the playground during that month?'

Dropping my Poirot (or was it Sherlock Holmes?) persona, I became Judge Jeffreys, known as the hang­ ing judge (or was that Judge Judy?), shaped my hand into a gavel and slammed it onto the kitchen table. 'Case proven! Mrs S, you have been found guilty of the character assassination of your blameless husband.

'I hereby sentence you to remain silent until a time to be decided by me later. And may the Lord have mercy on your soul. But first, would you kindly bandage my fist which I hurt when I banged it on the table just now.'

At that point there was a knock on the front door. It was my best friend Eric the

dentist who had popped round with his new bride Erica the dentist's wife.

Eric is my longest­stand­ ing pal. I say long­standing but when we first got togeth­ er, neither of us were actual­ ly standing. We were babes in arms. My mother used to say she remembered us wriggling about together on a rug, play­pinching each other's rattles. That's me and Eric, of course, not me and my mother who was much too old to have a rat­ tle.

Anyway, Eric and I were inseparable throughout pri­ mary and secondary school.

As adolescents, we went to our first coffee bar together, our first pub together and our first nervous foursome date together. Separation came only when Eric went on to university and I became a third­rate hack on our local newspaper. Then we met up again and have been practically inseparable since.

'But I know about all that,' Eric protested when he and

his wife Erica came to call that Sunday morning. 'Why are you taking me through our life stories again?'

'But I wasn't talking to you,' I pointed out. 'I was telling my Courier readers.

Anyway, let's get back to the present. Shall we go out for Sunday lunch? I know where I fancy going.' And off we went . . .

'These machine sand­ wiches are horrible and the machine coffee isn't much better,' commented Eric the dentist a couple of hours later. 'Indeed, everything tastes like machinery.'

'Sorry,' I said. 'I forgot it was Sunday and the hospital cafe is shut. I wonder if the snacks taste peculiar because the machine is too close to the X­ray depart­ ment.'

'How is the hand anyway?' asked Mrs S. 'Still throb­ bing,' I said. Mrs S sighed.

'Serves you right for ham­ mering the table with it. You are quite mad, you know.'

Eric the dentist nodded in agreement. 'Dave has been

insane ever since I've known him. Even at primary school, while the rest of us played soccer, he would trudge around the perimeter of the playground with a scarf over his mouth so that nobody could see him talking to himself.'

'How interest­ ing,' observed Mrs S, glar­ ing at me.

Eric the d e n t i s t laughed.

'Even during the school holidays when all the boys would use the play­ ground for a kickabout, D a v e would wander

about in that damned scarf.

And that was at the height of summer, the middle of August.'

Mrs S formed her hand into a gavel, tapped gently on the arm of her chair and said: 'Verdict overturned.

The defendant ­­ namely myself ­­ shall be released forthwith.'

Friday, April 11, 2014

11

12

Friday, April 11, 2014

TENACIOUS TERRIERS

the roles were reversed and the aggressor was one of the large breeds, they would be demonised, but for some reason some peo­ ple let little dogs get away with anything.

They were also used to hunt foxes, which I have a range of different sized dogs, from is a fact not many people associated with this a 45 kilo German Shepherd, down to a tiny feisty breed. They are tough, wilful, brave terrier mix, who could fit in your pocket, but dogs and their need to work is always evi­ they all get the same rules to follow, which is dent. Most importantly, when getting this so important. Why do you hear so many peo­ breed as a puppy, it is critical that you ple say that it is always the small dogs who socialise them properly when young, with cause trouble? It is because many do not other animals and people. have to follow the same rules as the bigger One of the most common errors that I see dogs, as well as a lack of socialisation and people making with this breed is giving affec­ the owner giving the dog affection at the tion at the wrong times, like when they are wrong times. barking or being pushy with other dogs. This To conclude, I would also add that I have will only increase the bad behaviour, as met some beautiful Jack Russell’s who are a whenever you give a dog affection, you are total credit to the dog world and that is nurturing the state of mind they are currently because they have consistent guidance and displaying. They need consistent rules, as their needs are being met on a daily basis. well as lots of exercise. This breed, along We have set up an animal charity, where with most dogs, will not be happy with a short we help the most severely abused and walk around the block every day. They need injured animals in Spain. If you would be kind to run and play, but make sure that you have enough to donate anything to this special taught them a good recall, as sometimes SOCIALISATION IS VITAL FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL BREED cause you can do by PayPal, where the their hunting instincts can take over. account details are They are also expert diggers, which relates back to health problems and these tough little dogs tend to be the their hunting background. The Jack Russell has also ‘tonka toys’ of all the terrier breeds. Do not follow the peter@thedogyouneed.com or to our Nat West charity been known to excel in sports such as fly­ball and agility, mind­set of some Jack Russell owners, whereas if the account, where the sort code is 60­16­03 and the so giving them different activities will result in a happy dog shows any signs of aggression, it is not taken seri­ account number is 73754900.

IBAN: GB83 NWBK 6016 0373 7549 00. BIC: NWBK and content dog. As they are one of the most confident ously, because they are a small dog. I remember when breeds about, if they are not given sufficient guidance, my German Shepherd, Billy was only a little puppy, he GB 2L Even one Euro will help, so please, please, try and experienced two occasions when a Jack Russell was they will have a tendency to make their own rules up.

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The Jack Russell Terrier originated in England and was bred to be a hunter of vermin.

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Tess

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Mamma is about 2 years old she is a small to medium size Podenco cross, she was found looking after three different litters of puppies one of them being her own.

She is such an amazing girl with the most beautiful brown eyes. She is very easy going and is great with people and other dogs. To find out more about Mamma, please ring the PEPA helpli­ ne on 650 304 746 or Email: p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail. com

Patch Sasha is about 9 months old and is a small, she was found by a road in a very bad state, it has taken some time for her to be well enough to go to a good home. She is now a thriving healthy happy little dog that loves life, she gets on very well with the other dogs and cats that she is being fostered with. For more info on Sasha please tele­ phone the PEPA helpline on 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail .com

Sasha

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Eris and Alex

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Call 616655789.

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Born in July 2012, Lightening is a large, friendly female cat, whose favourite thing is to doze in the suns­ hine! She is such an easy cat to live with and is perfect for someone who doesn't want a demanding family pet. To meet the APAH cats, please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Apollo

Lightening

Friday, April 11, 2014

13

STRANGE BUT TRUE Balls to that idea!

Scientists have always enjoyed Eureka! moments.

That was the very word Archimedes used when he jumped out of his bath, and Isaac Newton must have felt much the same when an apple fell on his head.

The apple might have smarted a little, but it was nothing compared to the pain Michael Smith experienced when a wayward honey bee inadvertently flew up his shorts and stung him on the scrotum.

But that was the spur for the scientist to explore how pain affects humans – by forcing the insects to sting him, literally from head to toe, over five weeks.

The subject of exactly where would hurt the most had already come up in conversation between Michael – a postgraduate studying bee behaviour – and his colleagues at Cornell University, New York.

He said: “If you’re wearing shorts and doing bee work, a bee can get up there easily.

“We speculated it probably really would hurt to get stung in the testicles. Two days later, by chance, I did get stung there.

“But I was really surprised that it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.”

So, in the name of science, he put himself through the pain barrier.

On being stung in the genitals again, he recalled: “It wasn’t a pleasurable experience, put it that way. It didn’t worry me. I knew the swelling would go down.

And despite being stung on his most sensitive areas, he can confirm the worst place, rather surprisingly, is the nose.

He explained: “If you’re stung in the nose and the penis, you’re going to want more stings to the penis, over the nose –if you’re forced to choose. There’s definitely no crossing of wires of pleasure and pain down there. It’s painful. Getting stung on the nose is a whole body ­expe­ rience. Your body really reacts. You’re sneezing and wheezing and snot is just dribbling out. It’s electric and pulsating."

Michael, who previously studied bee­keeping at United World College of the Atlantic, near Cardiff, took agitated

bees in forceps and applied them to 25 different areas of his body. He then rated the resulting pain from zero to ten.

And he did not do just do it once – the human guinea pig stung himself three times in each area.

At times he needed to use a mirror and adopt some awkward poses to get to some harder to reach areas. But he wanted to go even further.

He said: “I originally had the eye on the list, but when I talked to my advisor, he was concerned I might go blind. I wanted to keep my eyes.”

The findings’ long­term usefulness may not be obvious, but the results, published this week in scientific journal PeerJ, are certainly unexpected and thought­provoking.

It turns out the more delicate parts of the body do not react as badly to bee stings compared to areas where you might expect the skin to be thicker and less sensitive.

Although his testicles were the fourth worst place to be stung – with a pain rating of 7.0 – that was only equally as painful as being stung in the palm and the cheek. The penis was only marginally more ¬uncomfortable with a 7.3 rating.

His nostril with a rating of 9.0 was the most painful, with the upper lip not far behind on 8.7.

And the least painful, with ratings averaging 2.3, was the upper arm, the middle toe and the head.

He said: “Getting stung on the top of the skull was like having an egg smashed on your head. The pain is there, but then it goes away.”

Michael now believes the pain map he developed could be relevant to other types of hurt and injury.

He said: “With a healthy pinch of salt, I would say it’s applicable to other types of pain.

“What’s interesting is that just because you’re sensitive to a place via touch doesn’t mean you’ll be sensitive to a place via pain.

“We do have a poor understanding of pain and how it is perceived.”

But he admitted others may have very different sensitiv­ ities to him. Michael added: “If someone else did this, they’d probably have different locations that they felt were worst,” Whether anyone is willing to volunteer is another matter.

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Friday, April 11, 2014

DEFECIT DISORDER IS A MYTH EVERY week I sit down to write this article and realise that I am in a very privileged position, with me being able to vent my anger or tell people what I think every week in a popular newspaper.

This is not a responsibility I take lightly, and I am aware that sometimes what I write may be controversial and it might provoke some strong reactions. Knowing the demo­ graphic of our readers, I am not sure if this week’s article will get you to write in but I am sure there will be those amongst you who disagree completely and will maybe think I am in another world, but do express your view to The Courier, as freedom of speech is one thing that makes the free world ‘free’.

I’m writing about ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) which is basically people behaving badly, not being able to concentrate, being disruptive or restless with a short attention span. Many ADHD sufferers also have learn­ ing difficulties and other problems such as sleep disorders, especially amongst children, but I don’t believe in ADHD at all. I think that no child has all the symptoms described and any that they do, have come down to one thing or another but not a general overall ´one size fits all´ disorder. Some children are disruptive and others have difficulty sleeping, whilst some have short attention spans and get bored easily.

The problem with diagnosing a child with this illness is that they are often prescribed drugs to deal with it, and, as far as I´m concerned, medicine should only be prescribed as a last resort to treat a physical or mental illness that is firmly estab­ lished, and not just handed out like candy to badly behaved youngsters. Apparently most diagnoses happen between the ages of 3 and 7, and that´s very young to be taking strong, mind altering drugs. I wonder how many other options are looked into before what should be a last resort?

There are many reasons why a child is disruptive, with diet

playing a big part in how a child acts and reacts. If a young­ ster is pumped full of additives and E numbers, they are more likely to behave badly than one who is filled with wholesome natural food. I know that when I give my son a Cola drink, he goes a bit crazy for a while, which is why his consumption of sweets and fizzy pop is very limited. I am also aware that my son doesn´t listen, but this is down to him not being interested, rather than an illness. He can be dis­ ruptive in class, according to his teacher, but he gets bored easily and needs to concentrate, I would certainly never take him to a doctor for a solution, not unless I had looked into everything first. My son wears glasses and I read of a young girl who was sat at the back of her class and would be dis­ ruptive in every lesson but it was because she couldn´t see the blackboard properly, which was easily solved with spec­ tacles and her behaviour improved.

A telling point for me of it being a ´label´ rather than a real illness is that it occurs more in boys than girls, and that pre­ scriptions for ADHD type drugs doubled between 2003 and 2008, therefore telling me that parents are becoming more lazy and looking for the system to ´cure´ their child rather than looking at home life and themselves for an answer.

When I got a note from my son´s teacher telling me he had been naughty, I sat down with him and explained his behav­ iour was not acceptable and that he had to try harder in class to do his work, and in that way he would have less homework and more time to play! I also have a sticker reward chart and promised him a sticker each time he was good and came home with little or no homework. The next day he came home with a note from his teacher saying how great he had been in class and that he was a ´champion´ learner. Positive encouragement rather than chastisement is what works with young people. I know I don´t have as much time with my son as I would like, but I would never blame anyone other than myself for how he turns out. He has good days and bad days, as do we all, and boys in general tend to be more boisterous than girls, hence, I believe, the fact that ADHD is diagnosed in boys more than girls. I just wish that parents would not look into treating something that hardly even existed not so long ago and deal with the symp­ toms separately. They ought to look at what the child eats; what lessons he misbehaves in; whether he has a physical problem such as hearing or sight difficulties; as well as tak­ ing a multitude of other tests before they cart their little peo­ ple off to be pumped full of drugs that will alter their minds maybe for good. That easy option of taking drugs to curb ADHD should be cast aside. These are our future genera­ tions, and so what hope is there when these drugs are seen as the best option for a host of symptoms than looking at the cause?

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Friday, April 11, 2014

MARVELLOUS MARGO

IF you come from Scotland and some­ body says Margo to you, then straight away the name of Margo MacDonald springs to mind, who died last week aged 70, having bravely battled with Parkinson’s Disease for 2 decades.

She was the Blonde Bombshell that kick­ started a revival of fortunes for the Scottish Nationalists by winning the Labour strong­ hold of Glasgow Govan in a 1973 by­elec­ tion. Though she was only in Westminster for just 112 days before losing the seat in the

first General Election of 1974, but she had already made her mark, before quitting the SNP in a whole series of splits that ran from 1979 onwards.

She carved up a career as a top flight Scottish broadcaster and became a Scottish MSP in the new Scottish Parliament, but left the SNP again due to her falling out with Alex Salmond, but nobody could silence her and her personal popularity, as the elec­ torate voted for her by the bucket load as an independent. Margo championed many

causes affecting disabled people and probably to Salmond’s chagrin, she was viewed as Scotland’s most recognisable and liked politi­ cian. From afar, I enjoyed her free spirit and honesty, which clearly the public liked. How sad then that whatever the result, she couldn’t have had a bit more time to see what the big referendum result would have been this autumn.

I’m seriously going to miss the now ex­Murcia President, Ramón Luis Valcárcel, who in my first year of editing The Courier has given me so many laughs in his useless predictions and promises that actually make old Mystic Meg seem credible. As a newspa­ per our job is to present the straight facts and not to editorialise and add self­opinion to news coverage, as we happily leave that to non­journalists on the local advertising sheets masquerading as newspapers in this area. But at least an opinion column like this allows me to say thank you to Valcárcel for all his regular pontifications that a deal on the “ghost” airport at Corvera was imminent and that it was full steam ahead for the

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Paramount Theme Park. We just published his statements and let you as an intelligent reader make your own mind up based on the track record. Oh and by the way, the Murcia Government is to all intents and purposes bankrupt. Good luck to Valcárcel in his new career as a Euro MP this summer, and even better fortune to his successor, 62 year old Alberto Garre from Torre Pacheco, who I would advise to keep his trap shut, and to only open it when there is something con­ crete to be announced

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For more information, Call 902 123 161

16

Tony

Friday, April 11, 2014

HE ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO SHOUT ABOUT

Mayes OLD MUMS ARE SELFISH

A recent story has really disturbed me and that’s the news that the number of UK women over 50 hav­ ing babies has more than doubled in five years.

Latest figures show that every week approximately three children are born to a mother in her fifties. In 2012, there were 154 babies born to mothers over the age of 50, up by a third in a year.

The number of births to mothers aged 40 and over has also risen, up 13% from 26,419 in 2008 to 29,994 in 2012. It means one in 25 are to mothers who have turned 40. I feel very sorry for the children born to these older women and I seriously ques­ tion the motives behind them having children so late in life.

Why? I know of one woman whose life has been ruined by an elderly, dominating mother who had her late in life. She ended up being her virtual slave, looking after her every need. She's now in her 90s, and totally depend­ ent on her daughter, who has remained unmarried, and is not having any kind of social life, has no friends and seldom goes out, except to do essential shopping. I wonder how many of these women who have become mothers late in life have done so simply to create a carer for their old age? In my book, it's pure unbridled self­ ishness. They have shunned motherhood early in life when they could have had the best chance possible to give birth to a healthy baby, and instead concentrated on pursuing their own careers or interests. This is selfish­ ness to begin with.

But then to decide that they have missed out on motherhood and suddenly decide to become pregnant so late in life is selfishness beyond measure. Because they not only risk their own health, but there is a far

greater risk that their child will be born with Down's and other ail­ ments brought about by a lack of nutrients provided to a baby within the womb. But it doesn't end there. That child has to go through all the torment of being ridiculed by their peers who see the poor child's mother who is old enough to be a grandmother standing beside the young dolly­ bird mums at the school gates. The ancient mother is far less likely to want to go out with her child at weekends, play in the park or run on the sand and the danger is that the mother will fall ill and the child will become a carer even before they reach their teens. And why? Just because of the selfishness of the mother. Some of these pregnancies may have hap­ pened by accident, and I accept that. But far from all of them, and there seems to be an increasing trend for women to opt to have chil­ dren later and later in life.

And it's wrong.

I hate political hypocrisy and Labour have been extremely good at it. The latest example comes from Shadow busi­ ness secretary Chuka Umunna who claimed that the privatisation of Royal Mail was a "a first­class dis­ aster". He has hit out because the offer price of the shares was pitched so low and within weeks had soared. Isn't it wonderful to have hindsight on your side.

They tactfully forget that Labour's paymasters, the trade union was threatening a right royal strike. This dent­ ed the confidence in the future of Royal Mail and meant the share price had to pitch lower than it might have been. As it happened,

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the strike didn't materialise and also, as the Coalition government began to heal the country's economic woes, caused by Labour, share prices of most compa­ nies have risen. Yes, in hind­ sight, the price could have been higher, but if it had gone wrong and shares remained unsold, Labour would have had a field day.

Labour also conveniently for­ gets that it was one of their own, Leftie Gordon Brown who sold off our gold reserves for a song to contin­ ue Labour's spending spree which contributed to the UK being in so much debt now.

What is wrong with kids today? That's a ques­ tion no doubt, which has been asked for centuries down the generations. But these days it is extremely worrying ­ and two stories highlight it dramatically.

Firstly almost half of UK teenagers, aged 11 to 15 are getting lazier ­ failing to achieve the recommended targets for exercise.

According to the Centre for Economics and Business Research and charity StreetGames, it's a ticking time bomb, which will cost the NHS an estimated £8.1 billion, treating chronic heart diseases, stroke, colon can­ cer and type 2 diabetes. The second report is just as seri­

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ous. It concerned a girl who needed hospital treatment after consuming vodka. She was just 9 years old, and had been drinking with two others of a similar age. In Durham, a 12­year­old needed A&E treatment over three consec­ utive weekends for alcohol­ related injuries.

Police say they are increasingly concerned about pre­teens drinking, while alcohol campaigners blamed "pocket­money prices" for the extent of the problem, which police warned left children at risk of sexual exploitation by adults.

The problem is worst in the north east of England, with peer pressure leading to more and more young teenagers drinking and lay­ ing themselves open to abuse by sexual predators.

Campaigners fear that among certain sections of society, excessive drinking has become the accepted norm. These problems start within the home environment and the fact is that an increasing number of kids are simply not being brought up properly. They're spoilt, allowed to play on their elec­ tronic games machines for far too long, totally lack supervision, direction or dis­ cipline and have far too much money at their disposal. Why do people have kids and then

fail to raise them prop­ erly? Now let's look at the other side of the coin. Children who spend less time in front of a television or com­ puter screen get more sleep, are slimmer, do better at school and are better behaved, a new study has revealed.

Researchers found parental monitoring of the time children spend watching television, playing video games and being online can be associated with more sleep, improved school performance and better behaviour in children.

Children who spend a lot of time in front of screens are more likely to be obese. The study also showed the chil­ dren of parents who do not monitor screen time are more likely to be overweight.

Another study, by researchers in Australia, revealed children who watch a lot of television have more family problems.

They found that for every hour of screen time, the risk of family life being disrupted may be doubled. They also found that these children have poorer emotional well­ being. Perhaps we should go back to the good old days (remember them?), when kids went to play in the gar­ den, in the park, in the woods for hours on end, made real friends at play rather than sit­ ting on their butts having on­ line interactions, which can lead them into appalling situ­ ations.

Parents...stand by for big­time pester power from your kids. Nike has unveiled the all­white kit for the England squad for this year's World Cup, which is modelled on the design of the strip sported by Bobby Moore and Co for Mexico 1970. What's different is that the kit is not at 1970 prices ­

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it will cost £90 just to own the replica shirt alone and that's already angering the fans. How I hate these rip­off merchants ­ designer goods companies which are not much better than loan shark firms. I don't like makers and sellers of fake goods either but when the price of the genuine article is pitched so ridiculously high it just encourages the back­street manufacturers to muscle in.

A plague on all their houses!

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You’ve heard of bored housewife syndrome ­ well, it seems it has taken on a new dimension thanks to the worldwide web. A dating website specialises in pro­ viding partners for extra­ marital affairs (yes, it's a new low for society) and, it seems the more affluent the area you live in, the more you are likely to be at it.

Maidenhead hit the top of the league for cheating part­ ners, where 2% of the popu­ lation is using the website and its rife in all the affluent parts of the Surrey/Berkshire stockbro­ ker belt too, with the profes­ sional classes most likely to be climbing into beds with strangers. According to the website owners, extra­mari­ tal sex is rife in the richest areas, where the sky­high price of property makes the cost of divorce out of the question. So the alternative is for the man or woman or both to go on dates to have "sex, fun and a change in their daily routine". They are fed up with sitting in silence in front of the TV with their spouses every night, according to the website.

What a sad world we are liv­ ing in ­ and what an exam­ ple this is setting for any children caught up in the middle of it? And just think of the risk of picking up some unwanted sexually transmitted disease from all these one night stands.

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SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 117 Welcome back, I hope you´re all putting your Spanish into practise and enjoying these revision lessons. I will move on shortly with some more things to learn but I realise the impor­ tance of not moving too fast, of making sure that what you are learning is sticking and you are not forgetting things you have time and effort remembering.

So here is some more revision for you, just translate the following into Spanish: 1) They are the men whose children work in the bank 2) The lady whose son is in my class works in my father's office 3) The lady whose dog bit me, will have to pay the doctor 4) my brother, who is twenty years old, is the youngest 5) I´ll do it tomorrow 6) I have something to tell you 7) We are learning a lot 8) Well done!

9) I´d like to go but I´m very tired

10) it must be near 11) I have a headache 12) The doors were closed 13) I´m pleased that you like them 14) I need a clean knife 15) I am very punctual, I always arrive everywhere on time 16) The museum has special tariffs for students and also for pensioners 17) is there a party in the centre tonight?

18) I will go tomorrow if you will come with me 19) I have been to the beach and later I will see a film at the cinema 20) I know John but I don´t know his sister Now unscramble the letters to make the Spanish word(s), with nouns I have also put the definite article in Spanish: Cheap = arbtao ________________________, cherries = sa crlsezae ________________________, Older sister = maaaom eha rnyrl____________________, pet = aoalscm ta _____________________________, comfortable = óomcda __________________________, luggage = e lapeuqjei ____________________________, enough = etatsbna ______________________________, ours (masc.single) = eosrtun ______________________, plumber = tnolfereofa ____________________________, swimsuit = dabñeraol ____________________________, seeds = llm seaslias_____________________________, a corner = saeuaqniun ___________________________, behind = sdreát ________________________________, below = obedaj _________________________________, I bought (preterite) = pocéymor_____________________, you paid (preterite) = spgaeatút_____________________, translator = odrrtalcteu ___________________________ , to get up = nveslearta ___________________________ , you are right = óseieznatrn________________________, we want = mqeesoru ____________________________ , you (tú) played (preterite) = sutjeag_________________,

I would come = averínd _________________________ , I wanted (imperfect) = eírqua _________________

I hope you are able to complete all the above, as they range from fairly easy to more difficult there may be some that you are not sure of, just do your best and check with the results next week.

Any language can be tricky as you go along, but remember you have a huge vocabulary now and are building on it day by day, the only reason you won´t learn Spanish is because you don´t want it enough or aren´t practising it enough. We have to be speaking or at least thinking in Spanish every day, whenever we can. I used to stand behind the bar that I worked in thinking about conversations I had had with vari­ ous customers in English and thinking about how I would have said the same thing in Spanish. Of course at first I couldn´t string more than a few words together but, bit by bit I improved and was able to put more and more in a sentence until I could say a whole phrase. It took time, frustration and a lot of patience, but finally I was able to reap the seeds of effort and can now con­ fidently handle a conver­ sation, translate and even teach, and this is from someone who failed German CSE badly! So keep the confidence, if you´re struggling you will get there, and once you do the harder it was the more satisfying it´ll be!

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LASER EYE SURGERY: 10 RISKS TO CONSIDER

Laser eye treatment is now a well­ established procedure and as we see continuing technological development and treatments of this type are more widely accepted, so ever more people are turning to laser eye surgery as an alternative to glasses or contact lenses.

But what are the risks of laser eye treatment?

Though the chances of encountering a serious vision­threatening complica­ tion, or severe eye injury, following laser eye treatment are very small indeed, treatment is not risk­free and in this brief article we will look at a few of the more commonly seen problems.

Decrease in Best­Corrected Vision: After laser eye surgery, a few patients find that with corrective lenses the best vision obtainable is in fact worse than it was before laser eye treat­ ment was done. This may be the result of the irregular removal of tissue or from the development of corneal haze.

Regression: In the months following laser eye treatment some patients find that the effects of the procedure are gradu­ ally lost. This can be likened to the risk of under correction, and a re­treatment is often feasible.

Infection and delayed healing: Although there is a chance that the cornea will become infected following laser eye treat­ ment, the chances of this happening are less than 1 in 1,000. Generally, this means added discomfort and a delay in healing, with no lasting effects appearing within a period of four years.

Under correction/Overcorrection: It is not possible to predict perfectly how the eye will respond to laser eye treatment.

Consequently, corrective lenses may still be needed after the procedure to obtain good vision. On occasion, further surgery can be done to improve the result.

Excessive Corneal Haze: Corneal haze can occur as part of the normal healing process after surgery. More often than not, it has little if any effect on final vision and can only be seen by an experienced eye doctor with the use of a microscope. Nevertheless, cases of excessive haze that interferes with vision do occur which can often be healed using further laser eye surgery.

Problems with a Perfect Procedure: Even when everything goes smoothly, the procedure can produce effects that might

Better heatlh for all

In the next few weeks we are going to tell you about some of the latest health information that has come our way.

This week we are going to update you on the latest research available from University College London and endorsed by the UK government. This research followed the eating habits of 65,000 people over an 8 year period and found that those that ate more fresh fruit, vegetables and salad lived longer and had in particular much less chance of death from heart disease, stroke and cancer. Interestingly an add on was that vegetables seem to be better for us than fruit and so the proportion of 2 fruit and 5 vegeta­ bles is quoted.

We live in a country that has an abun­ dance of both so we have no excuse for not having our 7 per day and if you think that it is a bit daunting remember that we can include soups and smoothies, vegetable rich casseroles and stir fries. Perhaps the key to

achieving better health is to look at the health ben­ efits of these foods and seek out super foods such as kale, pome­ granates, spinach, avocados, cherries, raspberries, blueber­ ries and lentils.

The researchers pointed out that tinned and frozen fruit and veg­ etables do not provide the same health benefits.

Below is an example of 8 por­ tions of fruit and vegetables look like.

1 x large Apple 1 x large Banana ½ cup Broccoli ½ cup diced Carrots 1.2 cup fresh diced Tomato ½ cup of Beetroot ½ cup Leek

We can help you to achieve BETTER HEALTH because we are experts in NON DRUG APPROACHES using nutrition and Herbal Supplements.

OUR KNOWLEDGE IS YOUR POWER! Contact us today: on 966 191 514 / 722 219 450 or email info@slimfit­europe.com

cause some dissatisfaction. Older patients need to be aware that they cannot have both good distance vision and good near vision in the same eye without requiring corrective lenses. Some patients suffering from myopia rely on their myopia (by taking off their glasses, or by wearing a weaker prescrip­ tion) when they want to read. Such a patient might need reading glasses after the myopia is corrected surgically.

Flap Damage or Loss: Although it should remain hinged to the cornea, the flap of tis­ sue produced on the central cornea can become detached. In this case the flap can be replaced after the procedure, however, the risk of loss, or damage to, the flap still

remains.

Halo Effect: The halo effect is an optical effect that is experienced when light levels are low. That part of the peripheral cornea that remains untreat­ ed creates a second faded image as the pupil enlarges. For some patients this effect can interfere with night driv­ ing.

Distorted Flap: Irregular healing of the corneal tissue flap can produce a distortion to the cornea, resulting in a decrease of best­corrected vision.

Severe dry eye syndrome: The eye may not be able to produce sufficient tears to keep the eye moist and com­ fortable as a result of laser eye treat­ ment. Dry eye does not only create dis­ comfort, but may cause a drop in visual quality as a result of intermittent blur­ ring and other visual symptoms. This problem might be permanent. Intensive eye drop treatment or further surgery might be needed.

You've probably concluded at this point that laser eye treatment is simply too risky, but we should just put things into perspective.

Though all of the risks mentioned here are very real risks and do arise on occasion, the chances of encountering any of these prob­ lems is extremely small. Thousands of pro­ cedures are carried out around the world every day and, in the overwhelming majority of cases, patients are very happy with the results.

This article is not designed to scare you off, but merely to assist you in making a sound decision considering both the pro's and the con's before embarking upon laser eye treatment.

HOW TO DEAL WITH A HANGOVER DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

If you´ve ever binged on alcohol, then you know so well the unpleasant after­ math known as a hangover.

Hangover symptoms vary from person to person, but may include headache, nau­ sea, sensitivity to light and noise, dizziness, lethargy, diarrhoea and thirst.

Hangovers are usually expe­ rienced in the morning after a night of heavy drinking, but can also occur at any time.

The symptoms of a hang­ over are caused by a build­ up of toxins produced in the liver while alcohol is being processed, in addition to irri­ tation of the stomach and dehydration of the brain.

Too much alcohol can be damaging to health and drinkers are recommended to limit their daily intake to 3­

4 units for men and 2.3 units for women. Women have lower levels of an enzyme in the stomach that deactivates alcohol, and do not handle alcohol as well as men. A unit of alcohol is 10ml or 8 g of alcohol. Half a pint of beer of about 3.5% alcohol strength contains one unit.

But many lagers now con­ tain 5% and some others up to 9% alcohol. A small (100 ml) glass of wine of 10% alcohol contains one unit.

Depending on its alcohol content, a bottle of wine typ­ ically contains between 8­11 units of alcohol.

Before you go out to drink, consider taking 1g of Vitamin C or artichoke extracts to stimulate liver function. People with low levels of Vitamin C have a

much worse hangover.

Brandy and whisky contain congeners to add flavour and colour and these chemi­ cals can cause more stom­ ach irritation and hangovers.

Drinking alcohol on a full stomach is helpful against a hangover, as well as drink­ ing at least half a litre of water before going to bed. If you still wake up with a hangover, ensure that you slowly drink up to 2 litres of water all day. Milk thistle extract protects the liver against the effects of alcohol and speeds up recovery from a hangover. However, if you drink, do so with cau­ tion.

FOR A FULL BODY DIAG­ NOSTIC SCAN CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965071745

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HORMONE LEVELS MUST Q Q A BE SPOT ON A What are the symptoms of thyroid disorders?

The thyroid gland is located around the front of the neck and influences almost all the metabolic or energetic processes of the body through thyroid hormones. The most common disorders of the thyroid occur when abnormal amounts of thyroid hor­ mones are produced. Too much thyroid hor­ mone results in a condition known as hyper­ thyroidism, and too little causes hypothy­ roidism. Thyroid disorders can sometimes lead to the enlargement of the thyroid gland in the neck, and this can exert pressure around surrounding organs, causing prob­ lems with swallowing and breathing. The symptoms caused by high levels of thyroid hormones are many and differ from person to person, but commonly include, palpita­ tions, trembling, heat intolerance, hot flush­ es and increased sweating, weight loss, anxiety, and increased appetite, thinning of the hair, moist skin, muscle weakness and insomnia. By contrast, the symptoms of the inadequate production of thyroid hormones (hypothyroidism) are mostly the reverse of the symptoms of over production and may include: cold intolerance, weight gain, increased sleepiness, chronic constipation, slow reflexes, fatigue, indecisiveness, thick dry skin, high cholesterol and exhaustion.

What is an aneurysm?

An aneurysm is an abnormal swelling or bulge in the wall of a blood vessel, such as an artery. It begins as a weak spot in the blood vessel wall, and then balloons out of shape over time by the force of pumping blood. Normally, aneurysms develop at the point where blood vessel branch out, because the resulting ‘fork’ is structurally weaker and more vulnerable. Aneurysms can occur in any artery in the body, but usu­ ally develop along the aorta (the body’s main artery) and in blood vessels of the brain. Aneurysms are potentially fatal if they rupture, leading to death within minutes.

Some causes of aneurysms : unregulated high blood pressure over many years result­ ing in damaged and weakened blood ves­ sels, Atherosclerosis (hardening of arteries due to a plaque), and polycystic kidney dis­ ease which can cause an aneurysm in the brain.

FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN CALL DR MANNU: 965071745

Q A

Are there any health benefits of tak­ ing evening primrose oil?

Evening primrose oil (EPO) has a num­ ber of health benefits because it is very rich in GLA – Gamolenic acid. GLA is one of the few Omega­6 fatty acids with anti­inflam­

matory properties. Usually, Omega­6 oils trigger inflammatory reactions in the body.

When GLA is consumed, it is broken down in the body into substances called prostaglandins which help lower blood pres­ sure, improve blood circulation, improve nerve function, and regulate calcium levels in the bones. And while the body can make tiny amounts of GLA, this process can easily be blocked by factors such as smoking, pol­ lution, alcohol, sugar as well as a lack of vitamins and minerals. Evening primrose oil is consumed as a supplement because it is very rich in GLA. Other important sources of GLA are blackcurrant oil and starflower oil.

EPO is very useful for combating diabetic neuropathy, a complication that occurs from long term diabetes. Diabetics are unable to process essential fatty acids (EFA) such as GLA. This causes a variety of disturbances, such as weak blood vessel walls and prob­ lems with blood clotting. When this occurs, the blood flow and oxygen supply to the nerves becomes diminished, causing dia­ betic neuropathy­ dysfunction of the nerves due to diabetes. Researchers have observed that when people took 360 mg of GLA daily for 6 months they had reduced

symptoms associated with diabetic neuropa­ thy, compared to people who received a placebo in the same time period. Evening prime rose oil appears to help reduce dry eyes that are common with people who wear contact lenses. One clinical trial involving 76 women found that those that took EPO for 6 months had reduced dryness and also felt a lot more comfortable with their contact lens­ es than the placebo group. Another advan­ tage is that EPO maintains the health of the skin. If the skin is low in essential fatty acids, it becomes scaly, rough, itchy, prematurely wrinkled and dry. It also become prone to spots because the oily glands becomes dis­ torted and blocked, trapping grease. Taking evening oil as a supplement helps to keep the skin soft. It also reduces the symptoms of eczema and dry or itchy skin. EPO also provides the building blocks for making sex hormones. Some evidence suggests that it can help treat pre­menstrual syndrome. It relieves bloating and the painful breasts that most women experience with PMS. In men, it has been shown to improve the symptoms of benign prostate enlargement (BPH).

Please Email Your contact@medb.es .

Questions

to:

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Friday, April 11, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

TOWN STOPS POO HISTORIAN SLAMS POOING AROUND TWO-FACED KING A Spanish town has declared war on dog dirt and hired a detective who started work this week to try and catch selfish dog owners red­ handed.

Colmenar Viejo, north of Madrid, has slammed irrespon­ sible owners who have ignored warning signs and the threat of fines, and have brought in an undercover specialist who will pounce on peo­ ple if they’ve not cleared up their canine’s business.

"This person, incognito, will watch the streets and public spaces in which most dog dirt has to be cleaned up," the town hall said in a statement.

"Their job will be to video owners who do not pick up after their dogs in flagrante and hand in this evidence along with a report as proof in police proceedings."

The town hall said offenders would face possible fines of up to 150 Euros, with higher penalties for repeat offenders. Before the detective began work last Monday, the

Spain’s Royal Family are up in arms over a new book which sug­ gests that King Juan Carlos tried to backstab former Prime Minister, Adolfo Suarez and tried to oust him, in events which led to the failed military coup in 1981.

Only last month, mourn­ ers lined the streets to honour Suarez who died aged 81, with many people giving him credit for steering Spain to democracy alongside Juan Carlos after the authority actually sent actors into the streets death of the dictator, Franco. dressed up as detectives to warn locals of But popular Spanish historian, Pilar the anti­excrement campaign, which it said Urbano, claims that the king had turned on was motivated by health concerns. his political ally and tried to remove Suarez "Most dog owners are responsible people — without force — after bowing to pressure who do not let their pets defecate in inappro­ from disgruntled military officers. Juan priate places and pick up the excrement Carlos has long been credited with defusing immediately," said Colmenar Viejo's Mayor, the coup by armed guards who took lawmak­ Miguel Ángel Santamaría. ers hostage in February 1981. But Urbano "But unfortunately there is a minority that said in her book "The Great Forgetfulness" lacks consideration for others and leaves a that Juan Carlos had earlier connived with trace of its incivility in streets, pavements those same officers in a scheme to replace and even entrances to schools or children's Suarez peacefully, dubbed "Operation playgrounds."

Armada". Eventually displeased with the

RACIST SOUP STIRRINGS

A far­right political party is in hot water for setting up a Spanish­only food bank in a mul­ ticultural area of Valencia City.

The public prosecutor is now looking to take legal action against them after they handed out more than a thousand kilos of food, but with the proviso that it was for Spaniards.

España 2000, a far­right nationalist party with links to France’s Front National, set up the ‘Spanish­ only’ soup kitchen in a neighbour­ hood where 30% of the popula­ tion are immigrants. Joan Calabuig, socialist spokesperson at Valencia’s Town Hall, labelled the news as "disgusting", arguing that the city couldn't "allow such shameful and discriminatory

events to happen".

Although nobody in the neigh­ bourhood of Orriols has placed an official complaint, human rights groups are already claim­ ing España 2000’s xenophobic approach goes against the Spanish Constitution and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Famed for slogans such as "Arabs no, Spain isn't a zoo", España 2000 holds most of its demonstrations in districts of Valencia with a high immigrant population. Its party leader José Luis Roberto, also the head of Spain’s National Association of Brothel Owners (ANELA), has been accused of hate speech for calling Islam "a cancer in European society".

king's choice of leader to replace Suarez, the same officers went a step further and launched a full­blown coup attempt, she said, citing various sources. One operation led to the other, but the coup happened with­ out the king intending it," Urbano said at the book's launch in Madrid.

"After the coup, Suarez thought the king had betrayed him and called him a traitor."

A palace spokesman rejected the allega­ tions, describing evidence cited in Urbano's book as "pure fiction, impossible to believe".

Several people quoted in the book pub­ lished an editorial in the conservative news­ paper ABC denouncing the book as an attempt to "destabilise" the state.

TIGHT SQUEEZE

The Guardia Civil have stopped the smug­ gling of an 11 year old Syrian boy into Spain.

He had been squashed into what they described as a “subhuman” space under a car seat. The Guardia made the arrest at the border between the Moroccan city of Beni­Enzar and Melilla, one of Spain’s African enclaves. The 40­year­old driver, who was also travelling with his three­year­old son sitting in the back­ seat, was stopped by the officers who then searched his vehicle.

One of the officers found a hole in the car boot, and after closer inspection, came across what felt like a human leg.

After ripping apart the modified car boot ­ a common proce­ dure among human trafficking mafias at the Spanish border – the officers found a child who was sweating profusely and struggling to breathe due to the lack of ventilation. It’s the first time Spanish officials have stopped a minor who isn’t of sub­ Saharan origin from being smuggled into Spain.

Friday, April 11, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

QUE? Spanish youngsters can’t ‘cope’ compared to their international counterparts, according to a new survey, with 15 year olds having 'poor' problem­solving skills, with the average teenager unable to work a vacuum cleaner or buy a train ticket.

Most were able to calculate the shortest route between two places on a map where the distance for each section was given in metres or kilo­ metres and in minutes or hours, taking into account time of day, weather condi­ tions and other factors, for three people who are setting off from different places.

They were able to suc­ cessfully buy the cheapest public transport ticket, but had problems when it came to buying multiple tickets for the same journey in the event of problems such as missing a connection or hav­ ing to pay a surcharge. Also, many of them found it diffi­ cult to work an MP3 player,

an automatic non­hand­held hoover, or the thermostat on an air­conditioning or heat­ ing unit. When asked to design a table plan for a birthday party with certain requisites about who should sit together and who should not, the average 15­year­old was confused.

The most recent PISA report, which evaluates stu­ dents around the world in terms of their literacy, numeracy, science and problem­solving abilities, says Spain is below average with 28.5 per cent unable to deal with everyday chal­ lenges. In total, Spanish kids

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Drink change “absurd”

aged 15 earned 477 points, compared to the world aver­ age of 500 for countries which form part of the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), or the majority of first­world nations. The PISA report also found that 15­year­olds in Spain were below aver­ age in numeracy, literacy and science. An earlier report this year across all ages, mainly aimed at adults, found that the aver­ age Spanish graduate was less­educated than a typical Japanese citizen who only had A­levels.

A leading expert has rub­ bished an idea from a mem­ ber of Spain’s ruling Partido Popular calling for the mini­ mum drinking age to go up to 21, saying that it was “absurd”. Official figures from the Foundation Against Drug Addiction (FAD) show that Spaniards start drinking at an average age of 13, with the FAD President Ignacio Calderón saying the proposal from the PP’s Joaquín Villanova is all about “image”.

In an interview with the daily, El Mundo, Calderón asked:­“Will it really stop teenagers from drinking? Politicians aren't living in the real world. We should realise that just enforcing a law won't fix anything”.

Calderón does acknowledge that the emergence of "speed drinking", a "northern European trend" rubbing off on young Spaniards, can have serious health conse­

quences.

"Youngsters are no longer drinking in the Mediterranean way: smaller amounts over a longer period of time," he recognized.

"They're drinking like in northern Europe and that’s having a very negative effect on their brains."

The Guardia Civil have stopped a gang that was planning to ship weapons produc­ ing materials to Iran. Three Spaniards and an Iranian were arrested in Tarragona and Palma de Mallorca in the sting known as Operation Terracota. The gang members were planning to ship so­called dual­use technologies to Iran after they were found to be in possession of industrial machines for moulding metals.

Those machines can be used for civilian purposes including making fire extinguish­ ers, but they can also produce missile cas­

ings that can be used for uranium enrich­ ment. The machines in question had earli­ er been imported illegally into Spain and the gang had set up a complex smoke­ screen for their onward shipment in a bid to flout international sanctions against Iran. The Guardia also seized 10 thousand Euros in cash and loads of documentation about how to ship dual use devices. The gang's members have been charged with belonging to a criminal organisation, as well as illegally dealing in materials of dual use and money laundering.

NUKE GANG BUSTED

FINGER OF SUSPICION

A Pakistani man who tried to con over 100 thousand Euros out of six dif­ ferent insurance companies, after chopping off two of his fingers in an “accident” has been arrested on fraud charges. An off­duty policeman found two human fingers, a butcher's knife and a bloodied chopping board in a children's play area in Girona. He then called in the Mossos d'Esquadra, the Catalan equivalent of the Guardia Civil, to investigate what he thought might be a brutal act.

The Mossos soon discovered that a man had been admitted to a nearby hospital only the day before for reportedly chopping two of his fingers off in a cooking accident.

Doctors attempted to stitch the missing dig­

its back on to the man’s hand but too much time had passed for him to regain mobility.

Investigators then focused on how the two fingers and pre­ sumed amputation kit had mysteriously ended up in the middle of a chil­ dren’s play area and not in the man’s kitchen as his statement would have sug­ gested.

They discovered the man had taken out six accident policies with different insurance companies, granting him more than 122 thousand Euros in total in case he did suffer an injury. He had in fact already carried out a very similar scam successfully the year before, after he swindled two insurers out of 24 thousand Euros to his other hand.

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Friday, April 11, 2014

VEGGIE PASTA SPINACH & PINE NUT LASAGNE Ingredients 85g parmesan (or vegetarian alternative), finely grated 250­300g dried lasagne sheets 50g pine nuts For the white sauce 85g butter 85g plain flour 4 bay leaves

1½ l milk good grating nutmeg For the spinach layer 2 onions, finely chopped 1 tbsp olive oil 700g fresh spinach leaves 250g ricotta

Method

1. First make the white sauce. Melt the butter and flour together in a big saucepan, and cook the paste for a couple of mins. Add the bay leaves, then gradually whisk in the milk, little by little, until you have a nice smooth sauce. Bubble for a few mins, then season with salt, pep­ per and nutmeg.

Remove the bay leaf, cover with cling film (lay it directly onto the sauce) until ready to use.

2. Gently cook the onions in the oil until really soft. Put the kettle on. Put half the spinach in a big colander and pour over the boiling water to wilt. Repeat with the rest of the spinach, let it cool a little then squeeze as much liquid as you can out of the spinach. Roughly chop and stir into the onions with the ricotta, a small ladle of the white sauce and most of the parmesan. Season well.

3. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Spread a quarter of

the sauce into the base of a big baking dish, then dollop over a third of the spinach mixture. Top with a layer of lasagne sheets, then repeat the layers – a quarter of the sauce, third of the spinach mix and some lasagne sheets. Finish with the remaining sauce and scatter over the remaining parmesan.

Bake for 40­50 mins until the lasagne is cooked through and the top golden, scattering over the pine nuts with 10 mins to go.

LINGUINE WITH WATERCRESS & ALMOND PESTO Ingredients 200g linguine or spaghetti 85g bag watercress 1 garlic clove, roughly chopped 25g parmesan (or vegetarian alternative), half grated, half shaved 50g toasted flaked almonds 4 tbsp extra­virgin olive oil 1 tbsp lemon juice ½ tsp sugar

Method 1. Cook the pasta following pack instructions. Meanwhile, put the watercress and garlic in the bowl of a food processor and blend for a few secs until finely chopped. Add the grated cheese, half the almonds, the olive oil, lemon juice and sugar. Season well, then blend until you have a smooth purée consistency.

2. When the linguine is cooked, drain, reserving a cup of the cooking water. Return the pasta to the pan and pour over the pesto, using a little pasta water to loosen the sauce if neces­

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Friday, April 11, 2014 sary. Stir everything together and divide between 2 bowls. To serve, top with the shaved cheese and remaining almonds.

PASTA WITH CHILLI TOMATOES & SPINACH Ingredients 2 tsp olive oil 1 onion, finely chopped 2 garlic cloves, crushed ½ tsp dried chilli flakes 200g wholemeal penne pasta 400g can chopped tomatoes 100ml red wine ½ tsp dried oregano 125g bag young spinach leaves 25g parmesan or vegetarian alternative, grated

Method

1. Heat the oil in a non­stick frying pan and gently fry the onion, garlic and chilli flakes, stirring regularly, for 5 mins (add a little water if they begin to stick).

2. Cook pasta following pack instructions. Add the tomatoes, wine and oregano to the frying pan and stir to combine. Bring to a gentle simmer and cook, stirring occasionally, for 10 mins.

3. Shake the spinach into the pan and cook for 1­2 mins until wilted. Drain the pasta and tip into the pan with the sauce.

Toss to combine, sprinkle with cheese and serve.

TAGLIATELLE WITH VEGETABLE RAGU Ingredients 1 onion, finely chopped 2 celery sticks, finely chopped 2 carrots, diced 4 garlic cloves, crushed 1 tbsp each tomato purée and balsamic vinegar 250g diced vegetables, such as courgettes, peppers and mushrooms 50g red lentils

2 x 400g cans chopped tomatoes with basil 250g tagliatelle (or your favourite pasta) 2 tbsp shaved parmesan (optional)

Method

1. Tip the onion, celery and carrots into a large non­stick saucepan and add 2­3 tbsp water or stock, if you have some.

Cook gently, stirring often, until the vegetables are soft.

2. Add the garlic, tomato purée and balsamic vinegar, cook on a high heat for 1 min more, add the diced veg, lentils, tomatoes, then bring up to the boil.

3. Turn to a simmer, then cook for about 20 mins. Meanwhile, cook the pasta following pack instructions, then drain.

Season the ragu and serve with pasta and Parmesan on top, if you like.

CREAMY LEMON & CABBAGE PASTA WITH GARLIC CRUMBS Ingredients 2 large handfuls fresh chunky breadcrumbs 3 tbsp olive oil 3 garlic cloves, finely chopped 200g short pasta, such as twists, farfalle or penne 1 medium onion, chopped 125ml white wine zest ½ lemon 140g crème fraîche ½ small head Savoy cabbage, very thinly sliced

Method

1. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. In a bowl, mix the breadcrumbs with half the oil and 1 garlic clove, and season well. Spread out on a large baking tray and bake for 8 mins, until crisp and golden.

Remove and set aside.

2. Cook the pasta in a large pan of boiling water until al dente. Meanwhile, pour the remaining oil into a frying pan, add the onion and remaining garlic, season and cook for about 4 mins until golden, then add the

wine and lemon zest. Reduce for a few mins, then add the crème fraîche. Remove from heat but keep warm.

3. Add the cabbage to the pasta water for the last 3 mins of cooking time. Drain and return to the pan, add the creamy sauce to the pasta and toss together. Divide between 2 bowls and top with the crumbs.

SICILIAN AUBERGINE, PINE NUT & RAISIN FUSILLI Ingredients 4­5 tbsp olive oil 1 medium red onion, finely sliced 2 garlic cloves, finely sliced 1 small dried red chilli, chopped handful oregano or marjoram, roughly chopped 2 medium aubergines, diced into 2½ cm/1in cubes 50g raisins 4 large tomatoes, chopped 2 tsp tomato purée 2 tbsp baby capers, rinsed, drained and roughly chopped 2­3 tbsp good quality red wine vinegar 400g fusilli small handful mint, roughly chopped 50g pine nuts, toasted aged ricotta or vegetarian Parmesan­style cheese (try Bookhams 'Not just a pasta cheese'), to serve

Method

1. In a heavy based pan, heat ½ tbsp of oil and gently cook the onion, garlic and chilli until soft with half the oregano.

2. Meanwhile, heat 3­4 tbsp of oil in another frying pan and start browning the aubergines. Once cooked, add to the onion mixture. Fry the raisins in another ½ tbsp oil and, when they have puffed up, add to the aubergine mix. Add the toma­

Continued on pg 28

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Friday, April 11, 2014

toes, purée and rest of the oregano. Cook on a medium heat for 15­20 mins so all the flavours come together.

3. Finally add the capers and the vinegar and leave on a low heat while you cook the pasta in plenty of boiling, salted water. If the mixture becomes very thick add 100ml of water.

Toss the pasta through the aubergine sauce and sprinkle with fresh mint and the pine nuts. Let everyone grate over their own cheese.

CREAMY COURGETTE LASAGNE Ingredients 9 dried lasagne sheets 1 tbsp sunflower oil 1 onion, finely chopped 700g courgettes (about 6), coarsely grated 2 garlic cloves, crushed 250g tub ricotta 50g cheddar 350g jar tomato sauce for pasta

Method

1. Heat oven to 220C/fan 200C/gas 7. Put a pan of water on to boil, then cook the lasagne sheets for about 5 mins until softened, but not cooked through. Rinse in cold water, then drizzle with a little oil to stop them sticking together.

2. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large frying pan, then fry the onion. After 3 mins, add the courgettes and garlic and contin­ ue to fry until the courgette has softened and turned bright green. Stir in 2/3 of both the ricotta and the cheddar, then season to taste. Heat the tomato sauce in the microwave for 2 mins on High until hot.

3. In a large baking dish, layer up the lasagne, starting with half the courgette mix, then pasta, then tomato sauce.

Repeat, top with blobs of the remaining ricotta, then scatter with the rest of the cheddar. Bake on the top shelf for about 10 mins until the pasta is tender and the cheese is golden.

TORTELLINI & PESTO MINESTRONE Ingredients 1½ l strong vegetable stock 500g pack spinach & ricotta tortellini 500g spring greens, washed and finely shredded 140g peas (frozen or fresh) 4 tbsp pesto

Method 1. Bring the stock to the boil in a large pan. Tip in the pasta

and cook following pack instructions, throwing in the spring greens and peas with 1­2 mins to go. When the vegetables are tender, pasta is cooked and broth is piping hot, spoon into bowls.

Top with a dollop of remain­ ing pesto, a good grind of black pepper and serve.

CHERRY TOMATO & CAPER SPAGHETTI Ingredients 200g spaghetti 2 tbsp olive oil 1 garlic clove, sliced 1 red or green chilli, deseed­ ed and finely chopped, or half tsp chilli powder 200g pack cherry tomatoes, halved 2 tsp capers, roughly chopped grated parmesan, to serve (optional)

Method

1. Boil the spaghetti.

Meanwhile, heat the oil in a small non­stick pan, add the garlic and fry, stirring all the time, until golden. Add the chilli, tomatoes and capers and fry for a further 3­4 mins until the tomatoes start to break down.

2. Add 2 tbsp of the pasta cooking water to the toma­ toes, then drain the pasta and return to the pan. Pour in the tomato sauce and toss everything together well. Serve as it is or sprin­ kled with freshly grated Parmesan.

Friday, April 11, 2014

29

UK HEADLINES

SEX AND BOOZE HELL

PENSIONERS are being forced to flee their own homes due to debauched week­ end stag dos and hen parties being held in rented houses in quiet residential areas.

MP Robert Syms said there was a grow­ ing trend for people to cash in on the lucra­ tive stag party market by renting out their homes to strangers for the weekend.

But he said the house parties were mak­ ing lives hell for many of his elderly con­ stituents in the predominantly affluent area of Poole in Dorset.

At a Westminster Hall debate in Parliament today, he urged the Home Office to clamp down on owners of houses renting them out to large groups of party­goers who then break noise regulations and cause anti­ social behaviour.

Mr Syms said scores of his constituents have come to him with tales of loutish drunk­ en behaviour in the early hours of the morn­ ing, and even prostitutes being dropped off at houses rented by large groups of men.

One couple has even bought a caravan to escape their own home every weekend to

avoid the noise and debauchery. Before the debate Mr Syms told Express.co.uk: "Some of my constituents have put up with this for many years now.

Mr Syms said the practice of renting out

luxury houses began to take of in 2011. It mainly affects the wealthier areas of his con­ stituency popular with retired pensioners, such as Sandbanks ­ home to QPR manag­ er Harry Redknapp.

Homes which were originally designed for four or five people to sleep in have been converted to accommodate many more, meaning the cost of renting a property among a group of people works out cheaper than booking into a hotel.

Mr Syms is baffled why Poole ­ located less than 20 miles from the seaside town of Bournemouth ­ has become such a hit with stag and hen parties.

He said: "There are very few pubs in the area ­ it's not the area you would go for a pub crawl. "He added: "In an appropriate place I am not against people renting out their homes in this way.

"Somewhere like Bristol is more of a dirty weekend, stag weekend kind of place. It's causing a nightmare. Many people have worked hard their whole life then move to Bournemouth, and the most exciting thing normally is a fox in your dustbins at night."

Mr Syms was due to ask the Home Office to offer guidance on what powers are at the disposal of local authorities and police to tackle anti­social behaviour at the houses.

“I would come home from work every night and cry. Soon people were showering me with gifts of perfume. At Christmas I’d get soap – it was completely humiliating.

“Once a driver actually installed an air freshener on the bus I use and a passenger said it was my fault. It was soul­destroying.

“It was a real struggle getting out of bed in the morning.”

Alarmingly, Ellie got so desperate she started to scrub her skin with kitchen deter­ gent until it was red raw. “I was at my wit’s end,” she said.

It took doctors seven years to diagnose the condition after she first plucked up courage to visit her GP in 2005.

“The doctor started to lecture me on per­ sonal hygiene and told me how to wash,” she said.

She was so mortified she waited a whole year before seeing another doctor.

But together they researched the possible causes and in 2007 she came across an online forum for people with TMAU. “Although it was hard to swallow I felt relief as I’d finally found the answers I’d been looking for,” she said. She was referred to an ¬endocrinologist – an expert on hormones – who put her on antibiotics and suggested a diet plan.

She said: “I began to wash with a special pH­balanced soap after I found out washing excessively with normal soap made the smell even worse.

"There is no cure but making these changes helps.”

Brave Ellie added: “Now when someone holds their nose I take them aside and explain I have a medical condition. I hope my story will help educate those who point fingers and encourage other sufferers to find the strength to get help.”

Now she is beginning to get her confi­ dence back and has even found love with boyfriend Dan Molston, 50.

They first met in 2006 through mutual friends and bonded over an interest in cycling. Romance developed earlier this year.

Loyal Dan said: “Ellie is a lovely person and that’s all that matters.”

Smelly Ellie Company director Ellie James is one of only a handful of people in Britain to suffer from the stressful and embarrassing condi­ tion Trimethylaminuria (TMAU) When Ellie James opened her Secret Santa present, she burst into tears.

It was yet another bar of soap.

She had received so many over the years – along with copious bottles of perfume and body spray.

Just as with all the other “gifts”, she knew it hadn’t been chosen as a thoughtful ges­ ture but as a hint – that she was smelly.

When she opened her present, her col­ leagues roared with laughter and Ellie fled the office in embarrassment.

Sadly she has had to endure similar humiliations for 14 years because she suf­ fers from a bizarre medical disorder which makes her smell of fish. It can also make her reek of rotten eggs.

Today Ellie, 44, bravely reveals how she is just one of a handful of Brits to be diagnosed with Trimethylaminuria (TMAU).

Also known as fish­odour syndrome, it has had a ¬devastating impact on her life.

Bullies have dubbed her Smelly Ellie and have even posted body spray through her letterbox.

She was first struck down with the condi­ tion at the age of 30. Her body is unable to cope with certain foods – meat, dairy, coffee and fish – and releases ¬trimethylamine, which creates a putrid odour.

But even when she avoids those foods there are days she is unable to stop the smell. It leads to her being abused in the street and on public transport.

At her lowest point she was taking a bath five times a day.

Company director Ellie, from Abingdon, Oxfordshire, explained how she became aware of her condition: “At first I didn’t ¬understand what was wrong. I’d always had impeccable hygiene.

“The smell was a complete mystery. I wondered if my cat had brought in a mouse and left it to rot.

“But I slowly realised it was me when strangers began to stare at me while holding their noses. I heard people whispering about me in the office.

30

Friday, April 11, 2014

NO FOALING AROUND

The recent horse rescue from an illegal dealer in Callosa de Segura, has brought a delightful footnote for the Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre team in Rojales, with a brand new guest! One of the nine rescued mares has given birth to a healthy foal, with the timing coming as something of a sur­ prise.

Centre co­founder, Sue Weeding said:­ “ We knew the mare was with foal but Dorothea our vet believed she was only about seven months pregnant because of her size.

However, the foal was small because of severe malnutrition of the mother. If she had been born three weeks earlier this foal would have not survived. The mare was chained to a concrete wall with several other horses in very close proxim­ ity and the foal would probably have been trampled on.”

BRASS AND VOICE

An experienced brass band and Spain’s biggest barber­ shop chorus are joining forces for a special night of music in aid of the Torrevieja Costa Lions Club. JB Brass, who have been playing on the Costa Blanca for many years, and the Harmonisers, who have almost a quarter of a century under their belts, will be entertaining at Torrevieja’s Teatro Muncipal on Thursday April 24th, with the concert starting at 8.00pm.

The tickets cost just 5 Euros, and they can bought from the Teatro Box Office, or online via www.instanticket.es . All profits from the event go to Lions Club Charities Account, who guarantee that every single euro will be used to help those most in need locally.

Easter boost

The Easter bonnets and eggs were out big­time for the Age Concern Easter Fair which raised a bumper sum of just 1 and a half thousand Euros. The fair at the Asturias Restaurant, Playa Flamenca featured an Easter bonnet competition, which just happened to be won by the President, Maureen Payne, pictured on the left with volunteers Maggie and Rita.

X factor Maria signs up

NURSE WANTED

Are you a qualified British nurse and looking for work? If so, then you could fit the bill for the Help at Home Mar Menor charity, who are looking for somebody to work alongside the vol­ unteers mainly in the Los Alcazares area. You will need your own transport, but there is a dedicated phone line

which will be provided

by HAH, and needless to say honesty, integrity and client confidentiality are taken as granted, alongside the ability to work with a successful team. If you’re interest­ ed, then find out more from Lesley on 968 134 978 or E­mail:­ helpath­ omespain@gmail.com and attach your CV.

The Torrevieja­based Velvetones have added 6 new singers to their ranks, includ­ ing somebody who auditioned for the X Factor in the UK! Maria (pictured on the left) faced the judges led by Simon Cowell, and so she’s been able to pass on some tips based on her experiences. The new Velvetones members have joined after a recent coaching course, but they’re not rest­

ing on their laurels, as they’re still on the hunt for new members. They meet every Wednesday at 10.00am at El Paraiso, Jardin del Mar in Torrevieja (just behind Carrefour and McDonalds). The ladies choir would love to sing at your party for charity, so for more details check out their website, www.velvetones.org or call Ena on 965 707 598.

Best foot forward

Feet are often the most ignored parts of the human body, and Help At Home Mar Menor is going to trying to get that record straight with a talk by a foot health expert. Louisa Chandler will be leading their monthly Chatters meeting at the Bacchus Restaurant, Urb.Oasis, Los Narejos this Wednesday April 16th at 11.30pm. Louisa will bring her 34 year experience to the fore in answering all foot­related questions and she’ll be offering a discount on home visits to everybody who comes along!

Friday, April 11, 2014

31

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Friday, April 11, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 It's possible that the last few weeks have allowed you to gain a little clarity on certain questions you may have about your voca­ tion, Aries. You might even be a little clear­ er about your feelings concerning what your destiny might be. The planetary ener­ gy makes this a good time to stop thinking about such questions and let your life take over. You are well prepared for this kind of thing!

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 These past three weeks were rather good for your equilibrium, Taurus. It was just a matter of getting a bit more involved in life than is usual for you, and showing what you're capa­ ble of. It's likely you had a mixture of success­ es and setbacks, but on the whole, improve­ ments have been steady. You might have noticed that something about you needed improvement, but isn't that true for everyone?

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 It isn't always pleasant to have to question oneself, Gemini, but this is the main objec­ tive of today's planetary energies ­ to launch you into new adventures. So take advantage of the configuration to look inside and find the source of some of your setbacks. This isn't an easy exercise, to be sure, but it will do you an enormous amount of good. Just be honest with yourself.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 Today isn't a day for meditation, Cancer.

The planetary energies are asking you to step outside of yourself and get back into the world again! You've been doing an awful lot of thinking about your image recently, and now you're going to have to test out how the "new and improved" you operates in your daily life. You can expect some pleasant feedback and truly lasting changes!

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 If you have grievances about your love life, Leo, today is the day to speak up.

Indeed, today requires only total honesty and forthrightness in all areas. You can expect to confront "the other," whether it's your mate or co­worker, on the basis of truth and righteousness. Rest assured you'll command his or her attention! Be careful that the weight of your words doesn't surpass that of your thoughts.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 Are you thinking of switching careers or traveling to the other side of the world, Virgo? Or perhaps you just want to pull a “Greta Garbo” and stay at home alone with the shades drawn tight. A series of small incidents at work is likely to inspire you with the most outlandish of ideas. It might just be that you sense your inner need for a change of scene.

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 You're likely to find people somewhat irritat­ ing today, Libra. It's as though nothing is good enough, and nobody seems to know exactly what he or she wants. You'll reign supreme within this maze of overt conflict and dissatisfaction. You might even be asked to step in and restore order. If the con­ flict is domestic, go ahead. But tread carefully if you're asked to be the sheriff at the office!

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 When you woke up this morning, you may have felt an oppressive mood hanging in the air. Unfortunately, that haze of misunderstand­ ing and conflict is likely to last all day.

However, it makes this an ideal time to speak up about anything that's bothering you! Don't be shy about going on the warpath today. If you don't, Scorpio, you're likely to be the target of a surprise attack.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 The mood you're in today is the stuff of which memorable encounters are made.

You'll be wary at first, perhaps even some­ what hostile, to anyone who dares intrude on your freedom. Then suddenly you'll realize that this person is someone special, intriguing, and definitely out of the ordinary.

Finally, Sagittarius, you'll realize that the qualities he or she offers just happen to be those you need the most right now.

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 More than ever before, you'll feel as though it's time to take matters into your own hands and build your own career future. You're fed up with living on hope and putting off your happiness until tomor­ row. Your determination will be so strong that you could even surprise yourself.

Tomorrow you'll refine your approach and make it more concrete. Today is the first day of a new life for you, Capricorn.

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 This is the ideal moment to address once and for all the questions that have been on your mind for the last three weeks, Aquarius. Pay particular attention to ques­ tions that touch on your sentimental side. If you're currently involved in unsatisfactory relationships, don't be afraid to leave them behind. And if you're fretting about a request you made that has yet to be answered, let it go. No response is forthcoming.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 Like your compatriots, Pisces, something is coming to an end concerning the lack of confidence you have in yourself. You have been hesitant to stand in the spotlight for quite a while now, feeling you aren't quite ready. Well, no more excuses! Ready or not, you're going to have to push forward. The only thing you risk losing is your pride, and that, Pisces, is your most resilient asset.

33

Friday, April 11, 2014

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Chris was having issues with his Yahoo email ADVICE: Mark wanted to know if it was possible to take coming up in Spanish an entire copy of his laptops hard drive.

Q

Hi There. Hope you can find time to answer this query. For the past couple of weeks when I go to sign in to my yahoo mail it is all coming up in Spanish. My yahoo address is .co.uk and my web address is Google.ie so I am at a loss to know why this is hap­ pening. I have done full security scans and got the all clear and by the way my laptop is an Acer with windows 7. So I am hoping you may be able to tell me what the problem might be. Thank you so much.

Hello, I have wiped the hard drive using DBAN and restored back to factory default image using recovery discs, everything was restored except for the hidden recovery partition which now means that I have no means to restore the computer back to default settings without using recovery discs or a clean install every time. It also means that i have no way to create new recovery discs if my present ones become lost or damaged. I have an Acer Extensa 5235 and have been in touch with Acer but all they can do is sell me a set of recovery discs (at around 70 Euros!) that according to them may or may not restore the hidden partition. Is there any way you know of that would restore or com­ pletely reimage the hard drive including all hidden partitions? Any advice you can give will be appreciated. Thank you Mark

Q

Hi Mark, yes recovery disks can be expensive to buy can’t they!

Of course if you want to protect your recovery disks Hi Chris, you can set your preferred language settings from within the options then you can always copy them to keep them safe, screen, just login to your email and then click on the “cog” icon in the top right hand but as you suggest this means that you will need to rebuild of the screen and choose “account info” then choose “Set Language, site and time your computer again from scratch if you needed to recover it. zone” and from here you can choose your default language.

I have used a piece of software called Acronis TrueImage a Hope that helps. number of times and would recommend it to you. You can find out more at their website at www.acronis.co.uk but it will ADVICE: Peter is not the first to struggle with the new be cheaper than buying a recovery disk set from Acer. email client at outlook.com Their software allows you to take a full image of your whole computer (to a set of DVD’s or an external drive or stick) and Richard, how does one group forward an email on Outlook? Is there a way of view­ I highly recommend it. ing your contacts, and click adding them, as you could on Hotmail?? If Outlook was Hope that helps? supposed to be an improvement, they've failed!! Dismally!! Many thanks, Peter.

A

Q A

A

Hi Peter, you can forward an email on Outlook.Com by clicking on the little arrow ADVICE: James was having some problems with printing next to the “reply” button.

Hi Richard hope you are both well? I am In order to send a single email to a number of people you can either just select the having a problem printing from Outlook. I people and place them in the “to” or “cc” or “bcc” field, if however you want to create get my document from Open Office that I a group so that you can send further emails to the same group of people then you should want to print I press print as normal a sign create a new group, you can do this by going into your contacts – now called “people” in out­ look.com and clicking on the arrow next to “new”, you can then choose “group” and populate now comes up with " PDF Complete Document Creations Options" as a heading. I cannot find a it with the people you want to be in that group.

You can find your contacts by clicking on the arrow next to “Outlook” in the top left of the way to print from this sign. Help Please. James screen and then selecting “people”.

Hi James, it sounds to me like you have You are not alone in struggling with the new version. some sort of PDF creator set as the default printer, you can change this by clicking start > control panel > hardware and sound Don’t forget you can follow me on twit­ > devices and printers and then in the printers sec­ ter @bluemoonspain tion just right hand click your printer and select the option “set as default printer”.

Alternately why don’t you sign up for my This should sort out the problem.

Q A

newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

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Friday, April 11, 2014

Foreign language theory test scrapped FROM last Wednesday 7th April the driving test in the UK must be taken in English or Welsh, after long­ standing rules permitting for­ eign language speakers to sit the test were removed.

Theory tests have previ­ ously been available with voiceovers in 19 foreign lan­ guages and candidates could use an interpreter on both the theory and practical driving tests.

But changes that went into effect Wednesday were introduced after a consulta­ tion showed more than 70% supported the withdrawal of foreign language voiceovers and interpreters.

Transport Minister, Stephen Hammond, said: “It is essential that all road users have the right skills to use our roads safely and responsibly. By stopping driving tests in foreign lan­ guages we will cut out the risk of fraud, and help to ensure that all drivers can read road signs and fully understand the rules of the road.”

The consultation revealed that a majority of respon­ dents agreed that not under­ standing English (or Welsh) could lead to drivers being unable to read traffic signs, speak with traffic enforce­ ment officers or understand details of the rules of the road.

There have also been concerns over fraud, with 1,300 theory test passes having been revoked since

2008 after investigations into interpreters who had fed answers to test candidates.

Between February 2008 and December 2009, more than 20 per cent of all theory tests taken with an inter­ preter were found to be fraudulent, with one inter­ preter conducting 586 fraud­ ulent tests. Last year, two interpreters were each jailed for 12 months for helping learners cheat on their tests.

Petrolhead spiders cause Mazda recall

Mazda has had to recall 42,000 vehicles in the US after it emerged that a species of spider had been weaving webs in fuel vent hoses, increasing the risk of fuel leaks and fires.

The yellow sac spider’s curious domestic activities cause a build­up of pressure in the evaporative fuel vent that – in theory at least – could result in a cracked fuel tank and therefore an increased risk of fire.

This isn’t the first time that the Mazda 6 has received the unwanted advances of a gas­guzzling arachnid, either – Three years ago Mazda had to recall over 50,000 cars for precisely the same reason.

Mazda then fitted covers over the vents to prevent the spiders from getting in, but it seems that the yellow sac is a persistent critter – there have been nine confirmed instances of spiders inside the hoses since the original recall.

Still, if you’re a UK­based Mazda owner, this almost certainly isn’t something you need to worry about. Although the yellow sac spider is present in northern Europe, webs have only been found in US­spec Mazda 6 cars built between September 2010 and May 2012 with the 2.5­litre four­ cylinder petrol engine. And even though that 2.5 was available in UK­spec Mazda 6s, there have been no reports of webs in British models.

Mazda is also keen to point out that no accidents, leaks or fires have been reported as a result of the yellow sac spider webs.

Of course, not all spiders are bad as far as Mazda is concerned – it’s helping to develop a new Alfa Romeo Spider using the next­generation MX­5 platform, which is due to go on sale next year. Which makes us wonder – are yellow sac spiders Italian car enthusiasts…?

EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT: electric cars must make noise The European Parliament has voted in favour of a European Commission pro­ posal to decrease the maxi­ mum allowed noise for new cars, vans, trucks, buses and coaches, in an effort to reduce “vehicle noise nuisance” by 25%.

At the same time, the EU has voted in favour of a pro­ posal to force carmakers to fit electric and hybrid electric vehicles with a sound gener­ ating device, to improve low speed safety for pedestrians and the visually impaired.

The proposed changes, which are expect­ ed to become law, would see new car noise levels reduced by four decibels, commercial vehicle noise levels reduced by three deci­ bels.

This change would be made in three steps: the first two years after the proposal is finally approved, the second in five­seven years, the third in 10­12 years. The current regulations on noise emissions have not changed since 1996.

The reduced rates would also be tested more realistically, so that “sound emissions of a vehicle under street driving conditions will not differ significantly from what can be

expected from the type­approval test results for this specific vehicle”.

Which could mean no more cleverly valved exhausts on supercars…

At the opposite end of the scale, “Acoustic Vehicle Alerting Systems” will become mandatory in a standardised fashion on all electric and hybrid electric vehicles, after a transitional period of five years.

This is an effort to reduce road accident injuries, since most current vehicles of these types are virtually silent when running on electric power at lower speeds. Meaning it’s not uncommon for pedestrians to step out in front of them because they haven’t heard them coming.

Friday, April 11, 2014

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Friday, April 11, 2014

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 14 represents G and 25 represents L, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Location (4) 3 Level­headed (8) 9 Set free (7) 10 Chimes (5) 11 Glasses (5) 12 Allow (6) 14 Fit to eat (6) 16 Country in East Africa (6) 19 Shut (6) 21 Frighten (5) 24 Line of people (5) 25 Building (7) 26 Mixed (8) 27 Chaos (4)

1 Emphasised (8) 2 Diacritical mark (5) 4 Not subject to taxation (6) 5 Teetotal (5) 6 Mass of precious metal (7) 7 Simple (4) 8 Maiden (6) 13 Unthinking (8) 15 Malady (7) 17 Idle talk (6) 18 Cling (6) 20 Assert (5) 22 Come up (5) 23 Shade of blue tinged with green (4)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Once, 3 Alias, 8 Fumbles, 9 April, 10 Spare, 11 Sterile, 12 Rocket, 14 Accede, 17 Clothes, 19 Rebel, 21 Lists, 22 Abandon, 24 Siege, 25 Bend.

Down: 2 Comma, 3 Assist, 4 Irate, 5 Survive, 6 Fleece, 7 Bluebell, 10 Strictly, 13 Chooses, 15 Cereal, 16 Escape, 18 Haste, 20 Badge, 23/1 Nod off.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Closely follow notice in exhibition (6) 4 Assisted with notice about record (6) 9 Mead brewed by an expert for the world of scholars (7) 10 Seize power from money lender quietly and without hesitation (5) 11 One last scrawny tree (5) 12 Joint league leaders?

(7) 13 In serious difficulties with herds spread all over the place (4,7) 18 Shelter Dracula’s heart ­ he’s representing blood­ suckers (7) 20 It’s not a slur to be cap­ tured in the Russian moun­ tains (5) 22 Bother young potter (5) 23 Move ragtime (7) 24 Nowadays fellows want peripherals (3­3) 25 Cancel Royal Engineer’s ding­dong (6)

Down 1 One might say, it appeared to be all sewn up (6) 2 A novice joins a doctor at a famous siege (5) 3 Odysseus’ first require­ ment ­ to catch you like Polyphemus? (3­4) 5 Kit that could be pique (5) 6 Girl identified from a line up (7) 7 Some looked up lexicon having two parts (6) 8 Redistributing revenue?

Most enterprising (11) 14 Claimed a few blun­ dered (7) 15 Tightly wrap the weapons up before a leg gets broken (7) 16 Gangster’s articles on girl? (6) 17 A dandy too (2,4) 19 Handy composition for a composer (5) 21 A labyrinth floor (5) Down 1 Lined (6) 2 Mission in San Antonio (5) 3 Like a Cyclops (3­4) 5 Fit out (5) 6 Relating to Paul the Apostle (7) 7 Semidetached house (6) 8 Daring (11) 14 Stated categorically (7) 15 Cuddle together (7) 16 Legendary Wimbledon champion Gibson (6) 17 Additionally (2,4) 19 Austrian composer (5) 21 Astound (5)

STANDARD CLUES Across 1 Dark spot (6) 4 Assisted (6) 9 World of learning (7) 10 Obtain by force (5) 11 Black hardwood (5) 12 Upper surface (7) 13 In difficulties (4,7) 18 Bloodsucking worms (7) 20 Mountain range between Asia and Europe (5) 22 Pester (5) 23 Move periodically (7) 24 Appendages (3­3) 25 Cancel officially (6) Last weeks Solution Across: 7 Lagoon, 8 Adagio, 9 Tops, 10 Alicante, 11 Fretted, 13 Major, 15 Pagan, 17 Tapered, 20 Doorpost, 21 Tern, 22 Debase, 23 Rennet.

Down: 1 Favour, 2 Rods, 3 Invader, 4 David, 5 Carapace, 6 Bistro, 12 Tea break, 14 Rapture, 16 Azores, 18 Earner, 19 Monet, 21 Tent.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Age Ale Cap Dry Dud Get Its Lap Mop One Ore Pal Row Sin Sir Son

4 letter words Abet Aide Aloe Alto Arts Boss Cane Cede Dale Dare Dole Edge Else Ends Ewer Feel Hose

Icon Ilia Iron Lied Mail Need Plan Rift Said Seat Shoe Sole Song Star Stud Tale Term Thee Tilt

Tree Trey 5 letter words Actor Alter Avail Disco Eared Ladle Louse Melee Nones Orbed Osier Panda Pores Psalm Sable

Shred Sorry Sound Souse Testy Toner Tonne 6 letter words Avocet Sateen Statue Street 8 letter words Cosseted Dossiers Mattress Noontide

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Sábado (8) 4 Bucket (pail) (4) 7 Cicatrices (5) 9 Abrigos (prendas) (5) 11 Noise (5) 12 Goodbye (5) 13 Hermana (6) 15 Athlete (6) 19 Costuras (puntadas) (5) 21 Otra vez (5) 23 Jabones (para lavar) (5) 24 Seven (5) 25 Wool (4) 26 Grillos (insectos) (8)

Down 1 Tailors (7) 2 To bring (news, luck etc) (5) 3 Anchovy (salted, tinned) (6) 5 Waves (in sea, lake) (5) 6 Broad bean (4) 8 Sonrisa (5) 10 Brillo (de tela, pelo, zapatos, superficie) (5) 14 Estrellas (5) 16 Lágrimas (5) 17 Dirección (7) 18 To tire (out) (6) 19 Robar (objeto, dinero) (5) 20 Mares (geografía) (4) 22 Sobrina (5)

37

Friday, April 11, 2014 Across 1 Tending to induce drowsiness or sleep (9) 6 Word that can precede: book, heap, iron, metal and yard (5) 9 Single released in 1978 by The Motors that reached number four on the UK singles chart in June of the same year (7) 10 Music club first located at 165 Oxford Street, London when it opened in 1958 with a range of jazz and skiffle acts. Its most famous period was from 1964 to 1988 at 90 Wardour Street in Soho (7) 11 Comedy­magic part­ ner of Penn Jillette (6) 12 Basic units of money in Venezuela (8) 14 Semi­precious variety of agate with different colours in layers (4) 15 Intense or irrational dislike or fear of people from other countries (10) 18 Psychedelic rock band formed in San Francisco in

1965 that featured Janis Joplin as the lead singer: ­­­ ­­­­­­­ and the Holding Company (3,7) 20 Small flake of soot or other dirt or a mark left by one (4) 23 Small tropical American monkey with a silky coat and a long tail (8) 24 Prolific German­born, British baroque composer, best remembered for his oratorio Messiah (6) 26 Slowly moving mass or river of ice formed by the accumulation and com­ paction of snow on moun­ tains or near the poles (7) 27 Smooth, sweet sub­ stance made by boiling nuts in sugar and grinding the mixture, used especially as a filling for chocolates (7) 28 Warn or arouse to a sense of danger or call to a state of preparedness (5) 29 Person hired to fight for another country than their own (9)

SUDOKU (Hard)

Quiz Word

Down 1 Radio­controlled or laser­guided explosive device (5,4)

2 Name of the lion char­ acter from the BBC1 chil­ dren’s show The Herbs (7) 3 Greek island in the

southeast Aegean Sea 10 miles off the Turkish coast, the largest of the Dodecanese (6) 4 Nickname of the American rhythm and blues and rock and roll pianist and singer­songwriter Antoine Domino (4) 5 American funk/soul band whose UK hit singles include: Easy, Three Times a Lady and Nightshift (10) 6 BBC sitcom that was a direct spin­off from Porridge, starring Ronnie Barker as Norman Stanley Fletcher: Going ­­­­­­­ (8) 7 Long pinkish sour leaf­ stalks usually eaten cooked and sweetened (7) 8 Members of the nobility in Britain or Ireland, com­ prising the ranks of duke, marquess, earl, viscount, and baron (5) 13 Large hemispherical brass or copper percussion instrument also known as a tympani (10) 16 Large­calibre guns

used in warfare on land (9) 17 Criminal who illegally sets fire to property (8) 19 Rock band formed in Madison, Wisconsin, in 1994 consisting of Scottish singer Shirley Manson and American musicians Duke Erikson, Steve Marker and Butch Vig (7) 21 Name shared by an island in the Atlantic Ocean off NW Africa and a river in NW Brazil, which rises on the Bolivian border and flows about 1,450 km (900 miles) to meet the Amazon east of Manaus (7) 22 Exterior front or face of a building (6) 23 Hot fluid or semi­fluid material below or within the earth’s crust from which lava and other igneous rock is formed on cooling (5) 25 Device with a small spike or a spiked wheel that is worn on a rider’s heel and used for urging a horse for­ ward (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH S E M A NA S A N TA R E L I G I O S A H O LY W E E K ( E A S T E R )

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

geography QUIZ

ANSEWRS 1. Twelve 2. Naples 3. Lima 4. West Berlin 5. Peru 6. Cook Strait 7. USA (Arizona) 8. Spain 9. "Ironbridge, near Telford in Shropshire, England" 10. New Zealand 11. Devon 12.

Grozny 13. Pakistan 14. Vietnam 15. Alton Towers

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across:1 Brass, 4 Straw boss, 9 Aft, 10 Lei, 11 Brocade, 12 Tail, 13 Petit point, 15 Solar, 16 Desecrate, 17 Adeptness, 21 Egret, 23 Ostracised, 24 Grub, 27 Epistle, 28/29 Gun dog, 30 Absorbent, 31 Busby.

Down: 1 Bract, 2 Ant Hill, 3 Solo, 4 Stipend, 5 Robbins, 6 Woodpecker, 7 Ocarina, 8 Sweetmeat, 14 Protractor, 15 Soap opera, 18 Entails, 19 Evil eye, 20 Sleight, 22 Reredos, 25 Bogey, 26 Snob.

ceniza

domingo de ramos

misa santa

domingo resurreccion

Pentecostés

Felices pascuas

procesión

huevo de chocolate

resurrección

huevo de pascua

sábado de gloria

Miércoles de

viernes de pascua

Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.cuaresma,

10.procesión, 11.resurrección,

g. resurrection, h.Whitsun,

2.domingo de ramos,

12.sábado de gloria,

i.Lent, j.Easter Sunday,

3.domingo resurrección,

13.viernes de pascua

k.Easter egg, l.Easter mass, m.Easter Saturday,

4.felices pascuas, 5.huevo de chocolate,

a.Good Friday, b.procession,

6.huevo de pascua,

c.chocolate egg,

7.miércoles de ceniza,

d.Ash Wednesday,

8.misa santa, 9.pentecostés,

e.Happy Easter, f.Palm Sunday,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1i, 2f, 3j, 4e, 5c, 6k, 7d, 8l, 9h, 10b, 11g, 12m, 13a,

1. How many avenues radiate from the Arc de Triomphe?

2. If you landed at Capodichino airport where are you?

3. Which South American Capital City Is Also The Name For A Variety Of Bean?

4. What city is served by Tempelhof airport?

5. In which country is the Machu Picchu?

6. Name The Straight Between The North And South Islands Of New Zealand?

7. Where can you find the London bridge today?

8. To Which Country do The Balearic Islands Belong?

9. Where can you find the first iron bridge ever built?

10. Of Where Are The Maoris The Indigenous Population?

11. In which English county is Dartmoor?

12. What is the capital of Chechnya?

13. In what country is Lahore?

14. Hanoi Is The Capital Of Which Country?

15. What is built on the former home of the Earl of Shrewsbury?

cuaresma

Fill It In

38

Friday, April 11, 2014

TRELI ON THE TELLY

NICE TO HAVE SEEN YOU

I actually don’t think it mat­ ters that much who presents Strictly, because as Bruce would be the first to admit, I’M not sure what the TV the format of the show is the writers in the UK tabloid real star, and it’s a total win­ press are going to do now ner. All kinds of names are that Sir Bruce Forsyth has being thrown about as a like­ retired from presenting ly partner for Tess Daley, but why not just save a lot of Strictly Come time and money, and Dancing. just have Claudia They’ve Winkleman(who spent the last knows the show decade pre­ inside out) join­ dicting that ing her as a per­ Brucie would manent co­pre­ be hanging senter? It will also up his micro­ tick many BBC phone soon, boxes in having two so they had to females co­hosting get it right a primetime show. By eventual­ the way, 86 year old ly!

Bruce will still present some Strictly specials, including the Xmas special, so there’s plenty of life in the

with ALEX TRELINSKI

old dog yet!

q

Great dramas and comedies are always down to great writers. An out­ standing cast cannot save a piece of badly written rub­ bish, and so let me pay trib­ ute to Bob Larbey who passed away last week. Not a household name, but long with his colleague John Esmonde, Bob wrote count­ less comedy hits including Please Sir, The Good Life, and Ever Decreasing Circles, with Bob going solo with the Judi Dench comedies A Fine Romance and As Time Goes By. A great list and all you need to do is to say thank you to a talented man who enriched British TV in a big way. And as a piece of trivia, do you know that the Beeb turned down Please Sir in

1968? Esmonde and Larbey took it to London Weekend TV instead, because the BBC thought the subject of a rowdy classroom comedy was too controversial!

q

It was good to see Game of Thrones back for series four on Sky Atlantic, and wonderful sprawling epic it is. It’s always a good watch and my favourite character is the sharp talking Tyrion Lannister played by the award­winning Peter Dinklage, one of the few non­ Brit or Irish cast members in the epic. He and the writers have cleverly taken Tyrion from being a poisonous dwarf to somebody that has some humanity about him, and who hasn’t got the nasty power­crazy attitude of the rest of the Lannister clan.

There were also some good laughs to balance off all the drama in a series that never produces a dull moment.

q

There was nothing dull about Jennifer Saunders’ debut as a guest­ host of Have I Got News For You last Friday, and it was hard to believe that this was the first time that she had ever presented a TV show.

She was on the money look­ ing totally relaxed and in con­

trol with perfect timing and genuinely witty ad­libs. If I were a producer looking for a new host, I’d be ringing her agent straight away.

q

And finally with Jermain Jackman being a worthy winner of The Voice, I really would be surprised if he didn’t hit it big, as opposed to the last two victors who have largely disappeared without trace.

Friday April 11 00:35 This Week 01:20 Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Saints and Scroungers 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Perfection 16:00 Escape to the Country 17:00 More Creatures Great and Small 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 MasterChef 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Outnumbered 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:20 Ian Hislop's Olden Days ­ The Power of the Past in Britain 01:20 Panorama 01:50 This Is BBC Two

05:00 Tales from the Old Bailey 06:00 WWI A­Z 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:50 Saints and Scroungers 09:20 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 10:05 The Great Interior Design Challenge 11:05 Mary Berry Cooks 11:35 The Travel Show 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Instant Restaurant 14:45 Cash in the Attic 15:30 Coast 16:15 Planet Earth 17:15 The Great British Bake Off 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Golf: The Masters 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Natural World 23:00 The Trip to Italy 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Harbour Lives 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 15:00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Weekend Escapes with Warwick Davis 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 The Cube 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 The Bourne Identity

WEEKEND ESCAPES WITH WARWICK DAVIS Foreign holidays are all very well, but if you go on holiday in the UK, nothing can eat you. That’s the rationale behind this slightly odd travelogue, fol­ lowing Warwick Davis, wife Sam and kids Annabelle and Harrison as they take their camper van on an extended staycation around the British Isles.

00:05 01:05 01:35 01:40 02:35 Truth 03:30 04:30 Trade 04:55 05:30 05:55 06:50 07:00 07:45 08:10 08:35 09:30 11:00 12:00 13:00 13:05 14:40 15:40 16:30 17:30 18:30 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 20:55 21:00 22:00 23:00

00:00 Person of Interest 01:00 NCIS 02:30 SuperCasino 04:30 Stop! Police Interceptors 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs Dead Famous DNA 06:10 Wildlife SOS Shop Secrets: Tricks of the 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam Dispatches 07:20 Fireman Sam SuperScrimpers Deal or No Deal 07:35 The WotWots Kirstie's Vintage Home 07:45 Peppa Pig Countdown 07:50 Play!

Will & Grace 08:00 Little Princess According to Jim 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Everybody Loves Raymond Kingdom Frasier 08:20 The Mr Men Show Undercover Boss USA 08:35 Thomas & Friends Come Dine with Me Channel 4 News Midday 08:50 Noddy in Toyland Come Dine with Me 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 09:10 Peppa Pig Countdown 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus Deal or No Deal 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas Fifteen to One 10:00 Tickety Toc Come Dine with Me 10:15 The Wright Stuff The Simpsons 12:10 Conned, Fleeced and Left for Hollyoaks Channel 4 News Broke Unreported World 13:10 5 News Lunchtime Lent Diaries 13:15 NCIS Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 14:15 Home and Away Gogglebox 14:45 Neighbours Alan Carr: Chatty Man 15:15 Diagnosis Murder 16:15 Columbo: Death Lends a Hand 17:55 Access 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News 19:35 Criminals: Caught on Camera 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 Gypsies on Benefits & Proud 23:00 Law & Disorder: Catching Crims Live One Born Every Minute Shut Your Facebook Random Acts Inside Rolls­Royce Food Prices: The Shocking

39

Saturday April 12 02:55 Question Time 00:25 Bad Education 00:55 EastEnders 02:50 Weatherview 02:55 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Mary Berry Cooks 13:00 Football Focus 13:45 Sportsday 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:15 Golf: The Masters 15:30 Bargain Hunt 16:30 Escape to the Country 17:15 Final Score 18:15 Shrek the Third 19:40 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Pointless Celebrities 20:50 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 21:40 Casualty 22:30 The Guess List 23:10 BBC News; Weather 23:30 Match of the Day

00:00 Weather 00:05 The Battle for Britain's

03:55 This Is BBC Two 07:00 From This Day Forward 08:35 Great British Menu 09:05 Great British Menu 09:35 Great British Menu 10:05 Great British Menu 10:35 Great British Menu 11:05 The Living Planet 12:00 Fred Dibnah's Industrial Age 12:30 Great British Railway Journeys 13:00 James Martin: Home Comforts 13:30 Talking Pictures 14:00 Suspicion 15:35 Rebecca 17:45 Mountain Gorilla 18:45 Flog It! 19:30 Escape to the Continent 20:30 Golf: The Masters

01:40 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Dino Dan 07:25 Matt Hatter Chronicles 07:50 Canimals 08:10 Om Nom Stories 08:15 Sooty 08:30 Scrambled!

10:25 ITV News 10:30 Murder, She Wrote: a Story to Die For 12:15 Dinner Date 13:15 ITV News and Weather 13:25 Countrywise 13:45 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 14:15 Smokey and the Bandit 16:00 The Chase 17:00 ITV News Meridian 17:10 ITV News and Weather 17:30 Live FA Cup Football 20:15 Britain's Got Talent 21:30 Amazing Greys 22:30 Law & Order: UK 23:30 The Americans

00:05 8 Out of 10 Cats 00:55 Brooklyn Nine­Nine 01:20 Wayne's World 03:00 Random Acts 03:05 Happy Endings 03:50 Franklin & Bash 04:30 The Good Wife 05:20 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 05:35 Deal or No Deal 06:30 Trans World Sport 07:30 The Grid 08:00 Athletics 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Frasier 10:55 The Big Bang Theory 11:50 How I Met Your Mother 12:50 The Simpsons 13:45 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 14:45 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 19:25 Channel 4 News 19:55 Lent Diaries 20:00 Grand Designs 21:00 Hostages 22:00 It's Complicated

THE GOONIES Seven youngsters discover an old map and set out on the adventure of a lifetime to save their homes from a land developer by finding a legendary pirate's hidden treasure. However, they first have to navigate a series of booby­trapped underground caverns and outwit a family of crooks also after the loot.

Breakfast 01:05 Shooting Dogs

00:00 Webcam Girls: At Your Service 01:00 Shops and Robbers: Britain's War on Shoplifters 02:00 Soho Blues 02:55 SuperCasino 04:30 Britain's Crime Capitals: Crime Map 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina: The Next Steps 09:40 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Access 11:05 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!

12:05 Columbo: the Most Dangerous Match 13:35 Scooby­Doo 15:15 The Goonies 17:25 5 News Weekend 17:35 Most Shocking Talent Show Moments 20:15 Britain's Best Loved Double Acts 23:10 Morecambe & Wise Live!

1973

Sunday April 13 02:35 This Is BBC Two 00:50 The Football League Show

07:25 The Westerner

02:10 Weatherview

09:00 Countryfile

02:15 BBC News

10:00 Gardeners' World

07:00 Breakfast

10:30 The Beechgrove Garden

08:05 Match of the Day

11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

09:30 Athletics

12:30 James Martin: Home

15:30 Sunday Politics

Comforts

16:45 Bargain Hunt

13:15 MOTD2 Extra

17:30 Escape to the Country

14:05 Gypsy

18:00 Songs of Praise

16:25 Coast

18:35 The People's Portrait

16:30 Great Barrier Reef

19:35 BBC News; Regional News

17:30 Flog It!

and Weather

18:30 Athletics

20:00 Countryfile

19:30 Golf: The Masters

21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 The Crimson Field 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

01:00 Catch a Fire

00:30 ITV News and Weather 00:45 FA Cup Football Highlights 01:30 Through the Keyhole 02:25 Jackpot247 04:00 In Plain Sight 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Dino Dan 07:25 Matt Hatter Chronicles 07:50 Canimals 08:10 Om Nom Stories 08:15 Sooty 08:30 Scrambled!

10:25 Dickinson's Real Deal 11:25 Columbo: Murder, Smoke and Shadows 13:25 ITV News and Weather 13:29 ITV Meridian Weather 13:30 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 14:00 All Star Family Fortunes 14:45 Big Star's Little Star 15:40 Britain's Got Talent 16:55 Octopussy 19:25 ITV Meridian Weather 19:30 ITV News and Weather 19:45 Catchphrase 20:30 Off Their Rockers 21:00 Endeavour 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:14 ITV Meridian Weather 23:15 The Olivier Awards 2014

OFF THEIR ROCKERS A pensioner attempts a daredevil escape from a care home, Rosemary needs help to locate her dog and Sonia has a quick nap on a comfy shoulder.

Hidden­camera comedy, featuring fearless senior citizens playing pranks on the public.

00:15 Epic Movie 02:00 Ashes of Time Redux 03:35 Hollyoaks 05:35 SuperScrimpers 06:05 River Cottage Bites 06:15 Deal or No Deal 07:10 Street Velodrome 07:40 Goodwood 72nd Members' Meeting 08:05 How I Met Your Mother 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 Secret Eaters 14:35 The Big Bang Theory 15:05 The Simpsons 15:35 Stormbreaker 17:25 Deal or No Deal 18:25 Channel 4 News 18:45 Lent Diaries 18:50 Marley & Me 21:00 Dirty Weekenders in France with Richard E Grant 22:00 The Three Musketeers

00:35 The Plank 01:30 Up the Chastity Belt 03:05 SuperCasino 04:35 Running Riot: Britain's Teen Criminals 05:20 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:30 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:40 City of Friends 08:50 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Power Rangers Super Samurai 11:25 Power Rangers Megaforce 12:00 Alpha and Omega 13:40 Winnie the Pooh 14:50 Surf's Up 16:25 Chicken Little 17:55 Oliver & Company 19:25 5 News Weekend 19:30 Spider­Man 3 22:00 Grown Ups

40

Monday April 14 00:25 The Graham Norton Show 01:10 Outrageous Fortune 02:45 Weatherview 02:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Saints and Scroungers 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Perfection 15:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Bang Goes the Theory 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 The Treasure Hunters 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show

01:00 Phantoms 02:30 Countryfile

03:25 Holby City 04:25 This Is BBC Two 07:15 Homes Under the Hammer 08:15 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 09:00 Saints and Scroungers 09:30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 10:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 11:00 Great British Railway Journeys 11:30 A Man for All Seasons 13:25 Bye Bye Birdie 15:15 The Great British Bake Off 16:15 Planet Earth 17:15 Coast 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Escape to the Continent 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Restaurant Wars: The Battle for Manchester 22:00 Business Boomers 23:00 Rev 23:30 Newsnight

01:00 Premiership Rugby Union 01:50 The Store 03:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:05 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Storage Hoarders 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 I Never Knew That About Britain 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Undeniable 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Agenda

00:15 No Country for Old Men 02:30 The Good Wife 03:20 The Hotel 04:15 Secret Removers 05:10 SuperScrimpers 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:05 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 Lent Diaries 21:00 Dispatches 21:30 Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats 23:50 Gogglebox

GREAT BRITISH MENU The first of the North West region heats sees returning contender Mary­Ellen McTague and new­ comers James Durrant and Mark Ellis prepare their starters for the D­Day banquet. They must impress a mystery Great British Menu veteran if they are to cook for judges Prue Leith, Oliver Peyton, Matthew Fort and Normandy landings veteran George Batts in Friday's regional final.

00:10 The Goonies 02:15 Police Interceptors 03:05 SuperCasino 04:35 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 05:20 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:05 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Play!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Diagnosis Murder 16:15 Mystery Woman 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Classic Car Rescue 22:00 Britain's Crime Capitals 23:00 Pickpockets & Proud

Tuesday April 15 00:25 Late Kick Off 00:55 Live at the Apollo 01:40 Weatherview 01:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Saints and Scroungers 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Perfection 15:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Shetland 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

00:20 Digby Jones: The New Troubleshooter

01:20 A Very British Renaissance 02:20 The Culture Show 02:50 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Saints and Scroungers 09:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 10:00 Great British Garden Revival 11:00 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 The Super League Show 12:20 A Goofy Movie 13:30 The War Lover 15:15 The Great British Bake Off 16:15 Planet Earth 17:15 Coast 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Escape to the Continent 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 The Big Allotment Challenge 22:00 Watermen: A Dirty Business 23:00 Later Live ­ with Jools Holland 23:30 Newsnight

00:05 Women Behind Bars with Trevor McDonald 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Storage Hoarders 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 River Monsters 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Grudge 2

EMBARRASSING BODIES: LIVE FROM THE CLINIC The medical team returns to take viewers' appoint­ ments live over the internet, as well as meeting them at the new mobile clinic in different locations across Britain as they tackle some of the embar­ rassment surrounding mental­health issues alongside physical concerns.

00:50 New Worlds 02:00 Random Acts 02:05 Hostages 03:00 Scandal 03:50 Secret Removers 04:45 SuperScrimpers 05:40 River Cottage Bites 05:55 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 Lent Diaries 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 22:00 New Worlds 23:15 Dogging Tales

00:00 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!

01:00 Running Riot: Britain's Teen Criminals 01:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:10 SuperCasino 04:10 Killing Spree 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Play!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Classic Car Rescue 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Diagnosis Murder 16:15 Mary Higgins Clark's Lucky Day 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 21:00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 Body of Proof

41

Wednesday April 16 03:20 This Is BBC Two 07:20 Homes Under the Hammer 00:20 The Guess List

08:20 Don't Get Done, Get Dom

01:00 Weatherview

09:05 Saints and Scroungers

01:05 BBC News

09:35 Put Your Money Where Your

07:00 Breakfast

Mouth Is

10:15 Helicopter Heroes

10:20 Antiques Roadshow

11:00 Homes Under the Hammer

11:20 Food & Drink

12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom

11:50 See Hear

12:45 Saints and Scroungers

12:20 The Fall of the Roman

13:15 Bargain Hunt

Empire

14:00 BBC News; Weather

15:15 The Great British Bake Off

14:30 BBC Regional News and

16:15 Planet Earth

Weather

17:15 Coast

14:45 Perfection

18:15 Antiques Roadshow

15:30 Escape to the Country

19:00 Eggheads

16:30 Hairy Bikers' Best of British

19:30 Escape to the Continent

17:30 Flog It!

20:30 Great British Menu

18:15 Pointless

21:00 Under Offer: Estate Agents

19:00 BBC News

on the Job

19:30 Weather

22:00 Ian Hislop's Olden Days ­

19:30 BBC London News

The Power of the Past in Britain

20:00 The One Show

23:00 Happy Birthday BBC Two

21:00 MasterChef

23:30 Newsnight

22:00 Monkey Planet 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather

01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Storage Hoarders 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Big Star's Little Star 22:00 Law & Order: UK 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Paul O'Grady's Animal Orphans

PAUL O’GRADY’S ANIMAL ORPHANS

00:25 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:25 Random Acts 01:30 Poker 02:25 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:50 Trans World Sport 03:45 Athletics 04:45 Goodwood 72nd Members' Meeting 05:10 The Grid 05:40 SuperScrimpers 06:35 River Cottage Bites 06:45 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 Lent Diaries 21:00 Secret Eaters 22:00 How to Get a Council House 23:00 The Hunt for the Boston Bombers

23:35 A Question of Sport

00:20 Business Boomers 01:20 The Plantagenets 02:20 The Greatest Knight: William

The comedian visits a cheetah sanctuary near Cape Town, where he strikes up a bond with a lit­ ter of six cubs, before heading to an animal reha­ bilitation centre near Kruger National Park to meet a black rhino calf orphaned at five months old when its mother was shot and killed.

Marshal

00:50 Body of Proof 01:40 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:05 Access 02:15 SuperCasino 04:10 Shops and Robbers: Britain's War on Shoplifters 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Play!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Diagnosis Murder 16:15 Bonneville 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Killing Spree 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Castle 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Thursday April 17 00:05 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show 00:55 Scary Movie 4 02:10 Weatherview 02:15 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Saints and Scroungers 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Perfection 15:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 Parking Mad 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Life and Death Row

00:20 Watermen: A Dirty Business 01:20 See Hear 01:50 Horizon

02:50 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Saints and Scroungers 09:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 10:00 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 10:45 Gardeners' World 11:15 Animal Park 12:00 Ray Harryhausen: Special Effects Titan 13:35 Jason and the Argonauts 15:15 The Great British Bake Off 16:15 Planet Earth 17:15 Coast 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Escape to the Continent 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Digby Jones: The New Troubleshooter 22:00 Protecting Our Parents 23:00 Happy Birthday BBC Two 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Baboons with Bill Bailey 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Storage Hoarders 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Ade at Sea 22:00 The Walton Sextuplets at 30 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Mercury Rising

MERCURY RISING Action thriller starring Bruce Willis and Alec Baldwin. When an autistic nine­year­old boy inno­ cently cracks a government super­code, only maverick FBI agent Art Jeffries can protect him from the assassins on his trail.

00:20 Mayday: The Passenger Who Landed a Plane 01:15 Random Acts 01:20 Music on 4: Music Nation 01:50 California Dreamin' 04:25 Hills of Home 06:05 SuperScrimpers 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 Lent Diaries 21:00 Posh Pawn 22:00 15,000 Kids and Counting 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown

00:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:40 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:05 SuperCasino 04:10 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Play!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Diagnosis Murder 16:20 The Front 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Beware! Cowboy Builders Abroad 22:00 Harold Shipman 23:00 Person of Interest

42

Friday, April 11, 2014

AUCTIONS

Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

clientele. Hard working bar.

For more information con­ tact 637 362 863 (157) BUSINESS OPPORTUNI­ TY, two clothing shops for sale either as a pair or sep­ arate, both trading, sold fully equipped and stocked, a great opportunity for some­ one wanting their own busi­ ness, for more comprehen­ sive information contact Glen on 606926437 (164)

ALCHOLICS ANONYMOUS

CHURCH SERVICES

ACCOUNTANTS

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES Bar for traspaso Well established, 9 year old, beach front terrace on the Mar Menor, with a good mix of both British and Spanish

International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and Worship. Home groups meet during the week. All

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

welcome from any Church background or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com 968575417 or 966848806.

Easter Services, Good Friday at 11 am with Holy Communion, and Easter Sunday at 11 am.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

The rainbow centre for spiri­ tual awareness. Meets in the function room at sackos bar el liminar just off the cv 905 rojales to torrevieja road We have a divine service on Sundays 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoyance at 7.30pm Also on Wednesdays there is an open circle at 5.45 pm for those who wishing to devel­ op there mediumistic skills.

Healing is available by trained and certificated heal­ ers after each meeting. A warm welcome to friends old and new. The mediums for march are Sun 2nd Debbie Blevins wed 5th Trish Doherty & Jaqueline Holland hunt flowercentience ( bring a flower that no one else has touched ) Sun 9th Belinda Bradley and Sandra Galley wed 12th David Darnbourgh Sun 16th Sammy Fitzimmons wed 19th Suzy Hilton, ( visiting from the uk ) sun 23rd Suzy Hilton, who is being ordained as a minister

at this service Wed 26th Morag Bullock, sun 30th Trish Doherty ( mother’s day service ) For further informa­ tion call Trish on 966 844 795 or email therainbowcen­ trecostablanca@gmail.com

CARS FOR SALE Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­ prehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call:

BLINDS

BARBER

CATERING

ALARMS

965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Santiago de la Ribera 2 bed­ room townhouse close to beach and shops with com­ munal pool €350 monthly short or long term lease Call 0044 7890996330 ­ 968570645 (162) Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­ ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Molino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb commu­ nal pool area, in within walk­ ing distance of bars, restau­ rants and shops. Short or

long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

CARPENTER

CAR HIRE

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals.

Call us on 96 692 3963

PROPERTY FOR SALE Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bath­ room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Rare opportunity to purchase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bath­ rooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large commu­ nal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros. Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate view­ ing

CLEANERS

43

Friday, April 11, 2014 Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­ munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at

GARDENER

reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref: 78, €110,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­ by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­ munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popu­ lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3 Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.

CAR BREAKERS

Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Corner Plot Property in the lower end of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Under build, Roof top Solarium Being sold Fully Furnished including White goods. Walking distance to all local amenities. 139.950e Ref. GA0087 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet

Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath­ roomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interi­ or furnishings are top quali­ ty, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and grav­ eled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in show­ er units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside

DRAINAGE

toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €72,000. Two bed­ room apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed­in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large commu­ nal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­ bished apartment in a good central location.

Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with

absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appli­ ances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter­ race, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten­ nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul­de­sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gar­ dens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,pri­ vate parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242

PETS

44

Friday, April 11, 2014

Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Limited Edition Fortaleze in Gran Alacant Exceptionally Large Plot. 4 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Private Pool with Decorative Garden, Private Parking, Electric Gates, Glazed in Porch, Solarium, Under build. Quiet sought after area. Very tastefully fur­ nished and all included 370.000e Ref. K52 Tel. 627711155 Gran Alacant, Situated front line to the famous blue flag beaches of Carabassi, the real beauty of this property is its proximity to the beach, but also on offer is a fantas­ tic communal pool situated in beautifully kept gardens with little Spanish walk ways.Comprising of 2 bed­ rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, American style kitchen including all appliances, roof top solarium with stunning views, front porch area with front garden and a secure

underground garage. fully furnished Ref. K23 €125,000 rare opportunity Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant limited edition villa, not very often available on the market. Only a few of this type were ever con­ structed­ Very large 5 bed­ rooms, 4 bathroom(2 en­ suit) property, situated on a large corner plot with a 10 x 5 private pool and private parking. Lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully equipped kitchen with utility room. Large landing area, leading onto solarium, with extra storage external room.

Front porch area leading into large well established gardens with irrigation sys­ tem and fruit trees. Being sold fully furnished. Within walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and 5 minute drive to Carabassi beaches. ref.

K11. €270,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €23,950. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155 Large 4 Bedroom, 4

RAG AND BONE

Bathroom, 2 Kitchens, 2 Lounges, 600m2+ plot Large Retractable Glazed in Pool for all year swimming, Private Parking for 4 cars, Very low­maintenance, Fully Furnished. 330.000e but Negotiable. Very different to the other properties in Gran Alacant and is disabled friendly Ref: L80 Tel. 680333242 Mid Terraced Townhouse on Avda Polognia, Gran Alacant Furnished to a very high standard and includes White Goods. 3 Bed, 2 Bath, Lounge Diner, Fully convert­ ed Under build offering a second lounge and large storage area. Roof top Solarium, Glazed in galleria with extended worktops.

Front Garden with BBQ, Communal Pool with Gardens. 132.000e Ref. K16 Tel. 627711155 Semi­Detached Villa with Open Greenland Views to the Rear and Alicante Views to the Front, means this property in Gran Alacant would appeal to anybody looking for a quiet location.

Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge diner, with working Fire place, Porch, Solarium, Established Gardens and Private Pool, Private Parking on a large plot.

265.000e Ref. L95 Tel. 680333242 Ground Floor Duplex, on the Monte y Mar estate of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Fully furnished, Private Parking, Communal pool Ref. GA0094 NOw only 83.000e Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working

fire place, brand new kitchen with all appliances and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, established irrigated gar­ dens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a converted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished.

Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant large detached villa with 3 double bed­ rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge­diner, fully equipped kitchen, large porch, roof top solarium, 400 m2 Plot, with established low mainte­ nance very private gardens with irrigation system, elec­ tronic gates, private parking, outside wc, sink & shower, terraces, air con ( h & c ), mosquito nets, grills, alarmed, large spa pool with separate Jacuzzi section.

Within easy walking dis­ tance to Gran Alacant com­ mercial centre and close to local bus and tram route.

Ref K33. €260,000 neg Tel 680333242 Offers Invited on a mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner, Galleria, Solarium, Under build.

Communal Pool and Gardens, and with Exceptional Views of Alicante. Being Sold Fully Furnished including White Goods. Ref. K42 Tel. 627711155 (reasonable offers only) 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom, Unfurnished Mid Terraced Townhouse in GA. Recently decorated throughout means this property is a very clean black canvass.

REMOVALS

Has Air­Con & Security Grills and the use of a Communal Pool. Price recently reduced to 110.000e Ref.K12 Tel. 627711155 Reduced for a quick sale to 95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bath­ room, Top Floor Duplex in Gran Alacant. Very Modern Property with Many extras.

Glazed in Porch, Roof Top Solarium, Wooden Flooring.

Immaculate condition and ready to move in. Ref. K15 Tel. 627711155.

Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge­diner, independent kitchen, full roof­top solari­ um with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views.

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Friday, April 11, 2014

Greenside Gossip

45

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

THE MAGIC OF THE MASTERS

No golf tournament has such allure as the US Masters, as it is the only major played at the same course year in and year out. No course has a back nine that can induce such drama.

That’s what makes us watch, but while we marvel at the drama and take in the beauty from the comfort of our living rooms, I’ve compiled a few facts about the Masters and Augusta National that I found particularly interesting and that you won’t hear on television.

80 YEARS OF QUESTIONABLE EXCLUSIVITY

ing the Masters in 1975. Up until 1983, all caddies at the Masters were black and employed by Augusta National, with pros not allowed to bring their own caddies to the tourna­ ment. Clifford Roberts himself is even quoted as saying: “As long as I’m alive, golfers will be white and caddies will be black.” In 1977, 20 years before Tiger Woods won his first of four Masters Tournaments, Roberts committed suicide by gunshot to the head at Augusta National. In 2012, Augusta National finally decided to admit women, starting with former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and business execu­ tive Darla Moore.

PLAYING BY THE RULES Although Augusta National and the Masters are separate entities some of the extra­exclusive country club’s mysteri­ ous rules also extend to the Masters when the gates are opened to ticketed “patrons” (Augusta’s term for spectators).

For one, running is absolutely forbidden as is the signing of autographs. Broadcast commentators have even been politely asked not to return to the course for failing to follow Augusta National protocol. In 1966, a year before the Masters became the first live golf event to be broadcast internationally, Jack Whitaker committed a big no­no by referring to a gallery of patrons as a “mob scene” and in 1994, pro­turned­commentator Gary McCord made unsa­ vory references to bikini waxes and body bags, which earned him a spot on the blacklist.

And then there’s the famous, strictly enforced “no electron­ ics” policy: During the Masters, no mobile phones, pagers, or i­anything are allowed on the course. Cameras are allowed but only during practice round days. These rules apply to both patrons and pros. Augusta National loves iPhone apps, but woe betide the man who is caught with an iPhone in his hand; he will be escorted off the premises.

BLAZERS WITH A STORY Unlike the three other major championships in men’s golf — the U.S. Open, the British Open and the PGA Championship — the Masters has had a permanent home at Georgia’s Augusta National Golf Club since its inaugural year, 1934.

The men behind the club, amateur golfer Bobby Jones and investment banker Clifford Roberts, got the event started, and although Augusta National is thrust into the spotlight during the first week of April, the iconic Alister Mackenzie­ designed course is home to one of the most exclusive pri­ vate golf clubs in the world, boasting only around 300 mem­ bers. Augusta National is something of a rare bird these days, a leftover from a bygone era: an old­school, invitation­ only club. It’s a country club steeped in discrimination, deco­ rum, discretion and, of course, money. It did not invite its first African­American member, Ron Townsend, until 1990, although Lee Elder became the first black golfer to play dur­

If you just happen to be the winner of the Masters, you get the honour of topping off the standard ensemble with a shamrock green blazer. Professional golf’s version of a beauty queen crowning ceremony, the presenting of the Green Jacket by the previous year’s champion to the current champion at the tournament started in 1949, when Sam Snead was the winner. However, the signature jackets start­ ed appearing at Augusta National 12 years prior, when members started sporting them during the tournament so that they would be easily identifiable by patrons in need of assistance. The club bought the Jackets from the Brooks Uniform Company in New York and urged members to buy and wear them at the Masters. Today's single­breasted, sin­ gle­vent Jacket bears the Club's logo on the left breast pock­ et and on the brass buttons adorning the front of the coat and each sleeve. After the presentation ceremony, a custom version of the Green Jacket is tailored to the champ’s exact measurements and he gets to call it his own for an entire year. During the following year’s tournament, he must return to Augusta National and relinquish the Green Jacket, at which point it’s placed in storage but available any time he returns to play at the club.

THE PATRONS' MENU Given that you have to take out a second mortgage just to

KNOW YOUR RULES Question: What is the ruling if a player plays his/her ball out of turn?

A. One stroke penalty B. No penalty and play the ball where it lies.

C. One stroke penalty and play your ball again from the exact spot where you last hit it.

Answer: B. Unless the competitions committee determined that all competitors have agreed to play in order.

buy a few hot dogs, a couple of boxes of peanuts and some beers to wash it all down with at major US sports events, you’d think the fairway fare served at one of the most exclu­ sive golf clubs would be prohibitively priced. The grub up for grabs at Augusta during the Masters is cheap; distinctive (pimento cheese sandwich); and stuck in some kind of time warp much like the entire tournament itself. The most pricey selections on the “Patrons' Menu,” aside from imported beer at 2.75 Euros, are the club sandwich, barbecue sandwich and the chicken breast sandwich — they’ll set you back 1.80 Euros each. Whilst for those on a budget, the tuna salad on wheat, egg salad or the signature pimento cheese on white bread cost a 1.10 Euros. It’s all rather unbelievable — the fact that you can eat so well and so cheaply; 11Euros will get you two ham and cheeses on rye, two US beers, two bags of crisps, an iced tea and, of course, a pimento cheese sandwich at a major event.

GREEN ON THE GREEN The club has not made aggressive efforts to reduce the amount of water and toxic landscaping chemicals used to treat the famously lush, unreal­looking 365­acre course. The course’s natural timing allows the green keepers to rely on minimal amounts of water, pesticides and fertilizers. And the fact that the course is located on land once used as a nurs­ ery and is closed for play from May through October doesn’t hurt. The Augusta, with its famed dogwoods and azaleas, is a natural beauty and little if no environmentally harmful cos­ metic enhancements are needed. In addition the deep­pock­ eted Augusta has instituted both tree reforestation and tree mulching programs; a state­of­the­art live rain radar system helps to conserve water and reduce runoff.

Icing the Azaleas. If an early spring comes it sees the grounds crew putting ice under the azaleas to slow down their blossoming, as they want everything in full glorious colour come Masters week!

TURKEYS, COWS AND GERMANS Augusta National is famed for its beautiful flora, as it turns out some rather interesting fauna once called the course home as well: 200 heads of cattle and more than 1,400 turkeys. From 1943 until late 1944, Augusta National was closed for play and transformed into a farm of sorts to help support the war effort. Some of the turkeys were given to club members during Christmas (meat rations were in effect) while the rest were sold to local residents to help fund the club. To help repair cattle­related damage and revive Augusta National for its reopening, 42 German prisoners of war from nearby Camp Gordon were shuttled back and forth to work on the course. It was a useful skill for the renovation work to be done at Augusta National. The Germans were asked to build a bridge over Rae’s Creek next to the tee box at the thirteenth hole. The Masters resumed at Augusta National — now free of German prisoners and farmyard ani­ mals — in 1946.

TITTER ON THE TEE It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testi­ cles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

46

Friday, April 11, 2014

BARCA OUT REAL HANG ON ATLETICO MADRID 1 BARCELONA 0 (Agg 2-1)

Atletico Madrid knocked Barcelona out of the Champions League on Wednesday night as Koke's early goal gave them a 2­1 aggregate win over the La Liga champions. It puts Atletico into the semi­finals for the first time since 1974, and the tight scoreline on the night flattered Barcelona, though Neymar should have levelled things up with a header 13 minutes from the end.

MADRID FLATTERED REAL SOCIEDAD 0 REAL MADRID 4

Real Madrid claimed a deceptively­difficult 4­0 victo­ ry at Real Sociedad on Sunday to keep the pressure up on Atletico Madrid and Barcelona. They won thanks to goals from Asier Illarramendi (celebrations pictured), Bale, Pepe and Alvaro Morata, which keeps them 3 points off the top.

Sociedad though had the best early chances, with the final score flattering the visi­ tors. Madrid have a Saturday night encounter at home to relegation­threatened Granada.

Second-rate Barca win

BORUSSIA DORTMUND 2 REAL MADRID 0 (Agg 2-3)

Real held off a Borussia fight back on Tuesday to book a place in the Champions League semi­ finals. Real won the first leg 3­0 and should have sealed the tie, but Angel Di Maria's early penalty was saved. The hosts then took control as Marco Reus rounded Iker Casillas and then rifled in from close range to put the hosts close to forcing extra­ time. Henrikh Mkhitaryan hit the post, but Real held on to progress.

LAST GASP BOAKYE ELCHE 1 GETAFE 0 Richmond Boakye struck with the final moment of the match to earn Elche a vital victory over fellow Primera Division strugglers Getafe.

After 92 goalless minutes, the on­loan Juventus striker (pictured being smothered by happy team­mates) made it 1­0 by heading in Carles Gil's cross. The Ilicitanos now have a 4 point breathing space above the relegation area, and entertain Valencia this Sunday afternoon.

CHANCES WASTED FC TORREVIEJA 2 RIBARROJA 2

BARCELONA 3 REAL BETIS 1 Barcelona produced an uncon­ vincing display against bottom side Real Betis, but are still a point behind the leaders Atletico Madrid.

Lionel Messi opened the scoring from the penalty spot and Jordi Figueras, who had conceded the spot­kick, doubled Barca's lead with an own goal midway through the second half. Betis striker Ruben Castro quickly pulled one back but Messi struck again in the 85th minute, reacting quickly to having a penalty saved to send the ball in on the rebound. Barcelona are away to struggling Granada this Saturday evening.

Micro opened and closed the scoring with two exquisite headers to give ten man Torry a share of the points on Wednesday night, but they should have won by a country mile.

Obele, despite his high work rate, was the main culprit, missing gilt edged chances and drawing collective gasps from the midweek crowd.

With a man advantage from 20 minutes in, the visitors dominated play after Valdeolivas received his second caution.

Two late second half "soft" goals looked like Ribarroja had "stolen" the points, until Micro's glancing header from Alberto's cor­ ner. Torry are away to Borriol for a midday kick­off this Sunday.

MONTE’S RETURN Torry win at leaders TO FORM SPORTING ORIHEULA

After a pathetic performance against town rivals TD Montesinos, CD returned to normal service with a comprehensive victory at Orihuela last weekend. Edu got the first goal after 17 minutes, and then a Omar shot was deflected into the net 10 minutes later. An Orourker header made it 3­nil, and early in

ELDENSE 0 FC TORREVIEJA 2

Torry’s inconsistent sea­ 1 CD MONTESINOS 4 son was crystallised by a good performance at Eldense, and it’s a question of really of what might have been to the frustration of the supporters. Torry sealed it all up in the first half, with a Dani Meseguer long range free kick setting up a fine Obele header from the edge of the penalty area in the 24th minute. Torry got a sec­ ond just 3 minutes later, Carrasco and the 2nd half, Vaz converted a penalty, after through Edu was fouled. The home side pulled one though the home side back from the spot, but it was too little, too increased the pressure, the late, and Monte came away with the result visitors held firm, and Obele after a professional display. They’re back at had a couple of good 2nd home this Sunday against Orihuela Costa A half chances to stretch the lead still further. with a 5.30pm kick­off.

47

Friday, April 11, 2014

A BIG ‘OUI’ FOR MOU

MEAN, moody, miserable, morose – yeah, all of those, but even I have to say on Tuesday night, the Mourinho man was mag­ nificent.

His pre­match interviews were testy, awkward, and as contradictory as ever, but hey, there was a lot at seasonal stake and as revealed in retrospect he had carefully prepared them ­ and his men did the proper talking for him on the field. 3 ­ 1 down to PSG in the Champions League quarter finals from the first leg in Paris, not many, including me, gave Chelsea much chance of surviving.

But they did, winning 2 ­ 0 and going through on away goals, with now with the tantalising possibility of Jose meeting his old club Real Madrid in the semis, or in the final. Big man, big occasion, big time: ooh…

‘PSG’ sound more like one of those industrial giants making drugs, rather than the Nouveau­Riche soccer kids on the Qater­ bankrolled Parisian block, where money’s no object. Mais oui, ils sont Francais, sigh – they are Paris Saint German, currently the hottest football fashion in La Belle France.

From nowhere four years ago £300m of sheckles bought some expensive mercenar­ ies, like Swedish super­striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic (who didn’t play at the Bridge), £50m Uruguayan Edison Cavani and lately classy Foreign Legion midfielder Johan Cabaye has returned home from that well­ known French outpost on the Tyne. Prince David (Beckham, not Moyes) also graced the new strutters for a while.

PSG currently lead the French league by an astonishing 16 points from Monaco, and are poised to retain their domestic champi­ ons status. Prior to Tuesday they had won

their last 11 matches, only having lost three all season. The club are managed by the very experienced Laurent Blanc, he of the swashbuckling French World Cup winners of the nineties and briefly Man United fame.

Oh, and just to spike it all up a bit with Chelsea, PSG are said to be chasing the Blues’ brightest star, Belgian Eden Hazard for a mouth­watering £50m, and are also ambitiously on the trail of Real Madrid’s superstar Christian Ronaldo. Hmm… But coming back down back to planet earth and tumultuous Tuesday, Masterly Mourinho somehow plotted the way to beat the French poseurs. Ironically he hauled the limping Hazard off after only 20 minutes, to be replaced by one his finds of the season, Deutschlander Andre Schurlle ­ and guess vot? The German striker soon pulled one back for Chelsea, meaning only one more

ZOE SHOWS MUM

18 Club Natacion Torrevieja swimmers hit the water last weekend in Regional League meetings staged at Petrer and Elda. Once again there was a range of personal best and regional qualifying times across both days and venues, with one of the most interesting contests see­

ing mum and daughter, Vicki and Zoe Connolly, battling it out in the same heat of their 100m Freestyle race on the Sunday. Determined to beat her mother, Zoe won the race with a new time of 1:10:35 and mum Vicki with a new best time of 1:15:84.

goal was needed for Chelsea to get through : suddenly the view from the Bridge looked different as the Blues barnstormed forward to unluckily hit the bar twice. At last PSG looked rocky and began to doubt their arro­ gant selves.

Of course, Chelsea supporters have been there, done it, got the Blues souvenir shirts before and believe in their man and his team, but as time ticked away it became desperate. Cue Jose’s much­maligned strik­ ers, even by the man himself as Fernando Torres replaced Oscar, and Demba Ba came on for Lampard. With just three minutes left Azpilicueta’s low cross ran loose in the PSG box, and with true Didier Drogba­style timing leggy old Demba Ba stuck one out and diverted it in to set Stamford Bridge alight.

Much was made of Mourinho’s immediate

50 yard run along in front the terraces – he’s done it before, first time round at Old Trafford 10 years ago as his Porto put United out on the Portugese team’s unlike­ ly way to the Champions League title, but on that occasion he was celebrat­ ing. This was different: Jose hurtled along the line to the horizontal mound of his wild­ ly­celebrating players (foot­ ballers!), and hoiked out Torres, shouting important instructions via the Spaniard to his players, to make them all doubly concentrate again before it was too late. As one of the shrewdest coaches in the ultra­complicated game today Jose knew exactly what could happen, and he was dead right. Amazingly, exactly that happened the following night to Man United which cost the Reds the game as they lost their concentration after going ahead: mighty Bayern Munich immediately equalised and went on to win. Mind you, David Moyes looks so knackered these days a run like that might finish him off…

PSG still had time, with added stop­ pages, plus the ability to catch Chelsea at their most vulnerable moment just after scoring, and but for one hugely­vital last­ minute save from goalkeeper Petr Cech the Frogs nearly did it, and had they scored would have gone through. Mourinho explained afterwards he’d told Torres, Ba and Shurrle to sit directly in front of the back four to break PSG down, MasterMou revealing that the Blues had been practis­ ing it that week in training. Wow… so that’s how you win highly­pressurized European Cup quarter finals. Who’s next? Real, Athletico or Bayern? Bring ‘em on ­ Jose’ll be ready …

SHARKS BITE LOS SQUALOS 68 YECLA 24

Despite missing five key players, Squalos proved much too strong for the young and inexperienced visitors, though credit must go to the Yecla players, who kept trying right to the end. It was a game in which the San Javier side demonstrated the improvement made this year and it took just two minutes for

Juama (pictured) to open the scoring with a try. If the Squalos win away to UCM at Murcia, they have to wait and see how Cartagena do as they have a game in hand and are just one point behind in the 2nd division table. Elsewhere in the Premier division, the Torrevieja Tigers lost 48­25 at Lorca.

Friday, April 11, 2014

48

SAS AND THE CITY!

Suarez And Sturridge­led lively leaders Liverpool meet third­place Manuel’s marauding Man City at Anfield in the Sunday Showdown that could decide this season’s Premier title.

Second­placed Chelsea will watch the Match of the Day with fascination before taking on Swansea later in the afternoon ­ see over for Chelsea update chat.

Last Saturday, after a shaky start City finally saw off spirited Southampton 4 – 1, the match marred by a myopic linesman, and savagely for Saints England hopeful Jay Rodriguez, who was carried off with his Brazil dreams in doubt. Penalty poser: in the week Brucie strictly stopped dancing, if points mean prizes what do penalties mean? Answer: everything ­ with the right takers. This match shared two penalties as firstly deadly Yaya Toure duly dispatched his 20th goal of the season, this then cancelled out by a Lambert lambaster. But City’s scattergun armoury eventually proved too powerful for the Saints, where Negredo still can’t buy a goal but Double Dzeko’s still ably deputising for Aguerro (psst, super­striker Sergio’s on his way back, youse…)

The Reds penalty king is G spot Stevie. Liverpool’s captain Gerrard guarantees goals, so good he scores ‘em twice. The new feisty West Ham, boosted by the return of old Reds man Andy Carroll were finally put down by Stevie G’s double­pen­trick once again in the 2 – 1 win that keeps the Reds just in front of Chelsea and City.

Hey, that Will­i­an gets about, doesn’t he? From scor­ ing a brilliant third goal in the afternoon to help Chelsea choke Stoke 3 ­ 0, the multi­talented maestro bounced back on the box in the evening as his protégé won The Voice. As the absence of a true striker con­ tinues to haunt the Bridge newbie Mohamed Salah

John McGregor reports

looked good for Chelsea. N.B. naughty nudging note: that other brilliant Belgian ‘Lucky’ Lukaku’s still bang­ ing ‘em in for Everton, 12 now. Jose’s hit­men together have barely done that altogether… Talking of luck and dodgy penalties, is long­toothed Lampard lagging at last? Frankie scored his 250th goal at the second attempt from his saved penalty ­ strangely enough that counts as a real one.

Down ‘dere in de Dreaded Drop Department it’s begin­ ning to look curtains for Cardiff, Fulham and Sunderland. The Red Bluebirds are Malkontentedly sealing their savage season sadly, Saturday doubly Puncheon­pummelled at home by Pulis’s Palace. In exes day old Eagles hero Wilfried Zaha looked loyally­ challenged, as did Cardiff old boy Joe Ledley who actually scored Palace’s sentencing second gunning down Ole Solskaer’s men yet again. What will prize pratt Prince Vince do now in his lucky­not red world?

Snide suggestion? How about Paolo di Canio next season, the Ole Eytie smoothie’s probably getting a Tan as we speak? Last chance saloon down at St Mary’s for the Swalians: defeat is de end.

Talking of Houdini­style escapism, a glimmer at Villa was spotted as Fulham bravely battled back to eventu­ ally overcome Paul Lambert’s losers, where big Belgian hero Christian Benteke is now out for six months. The Villains hugely erratic form could provide Pulis’s Palace players pulling off this season’s miracle in staying up, which six months ago was as likely as Mourinho smiling in Champions League week.

Another of the Black Cats’ lives went on Monday as Tim’s Tottenham finally overcame suffering Sunderland, where the Lights of the Stadium are dim­ ming. What a season for Gus and his guys as Cup exploits are fading and relegation reality registers. All is not quite lost yet though ­ although it’s effervescent Everton at the weekend, whose fifth­place­and­rising team spirit is enviable.

After twice leading mighty Bayern Munich, Man United quickly capitulated to say ‘Hasta Luego’ to the conti­

nent, Eurovision now switched­off for a good while.

Domestically away the Reds are OK, at St James Park Moyes Boys second­string subs savaged Neurotic Newcastle 4 – 0, despite no start for Rooney, RVP or Welbeck. That meant jobs for the boys: Kagawa, Young, Hernadez... Oh, and in a Brazil­boosting bonus a certain small bearded Spaniard scored two to show his class to the Spanish selectors. In Belgian newsweek, anyone remember when that feisty Fellaini fellar first­footed onto the Goodison scene, all woolly head, sharpened elbows and yellow cards? Well, he’s back strutting that spiky stuff again, red­not­blue now though, seen all over Pardew’s Park (viewed from the stands still by some). Next up Spiky Stoke are coming next to Newcastle, where confrontational Charlie Adam’s still in the thick of it.

Well, it finally happened, as mooted ­ but 1 out of 10 for timing at Carrow Road as poor old Chris Hughton finally got his marching orders with only six games left. Roared­on­in­red and Peped­up for the fight West Brom nuked Norwich 1 – 0 to keep up the Baggies dreams of survival. What an amazing Anelka­annexed anus horriblus this has been at The Hawthorns.

Timothy’s trying Tottenham visit Brum next, while Felix’s fighting, feisty Fulham are next up for Norwich.

The Canaries are nearly safe, so does Delia know best? There’s a few formidable fixtures in the final run in – so if you fail now, Fraulein – foolhardy!

Finally, if Arsenal lose their Wembley Cup semi­final to wacky Wigan – which is perfectly possible – there will be calls for Arsene’s head again: some silver­starved Gooner mates I know have almost had enough. Oh yes, lest we forget ­ likely in my case ­ in t’other semi­ final somewhere it’s Sheffield United of the Third (sorry, First Division) taking on HULL CITY. BTW, the old Humberside girl’s not for changing. Ey, lad, wun’t it be soommat if our Nigel (Clough to you) took t’ Blades to the final, which Dad never won. Absurd, of course ­ nowt like that ever happens in t’ Coop.