Week 165

Edition 165

www.thecourier.es

Thursday, April 17, 2014

DOG- GONE MYSTERY Riddle of Montesinos kennel closure

By ALEX TRELINSKI A Los Montesinos kennel­owner says she’s got no idea as to why she’s been ordered to shut her doors, despite the site being used to look after dogs for the best part of the last 30 years.

Lynne Cooper opened the Eurasier Dream Kennels in the town in December 2010, and quickly built up a successful reputation with a client base of one thousand customers.

The site, with previous owners “Pampered Pets” always had a license and Mrs.Cooper got that when she bought the premises nearly 3 and a half years ago, with her partner Gary. They previously ran a kennel in the United Kingdom.

But 12 days ago, she was ordered to shut down by Los Montesinos Council, though the cattery and bird side of her

business is still open.

“I have left the whole matter in the hands of my solicitor”, said Lynne, “and we want to get to the bottom of all of this.

For me it is also important to let all of my loyal clients know what is going on, and that we are not going to give up with­ out a fight”.

Mrs.Cooper told The Courier that the biggest frustration has been trying to find out why they have been closed after the site has been used as a kennel for three decades. “I haven’t a clue, and we have passed a couple of noise tests, one of which was observed by the police. All the licences and registrations have been fully up to date, yet we heard about court action being taken by the council, which we knew nothing about and especially no details whatsoever about what their concerns were! We are certainly not aware of any noise complaints or any other worries from our neigh­ bours”.

Gary and Lynn have carried extensive improvements to their facilities over the last couple of years, including a com­ plete rebuild of the kennels. At the time of going to press, The Courier was unable to get any comment from Los Montesinos Council about why they have forced the closure.

Meanwhile, Eurasier Dream have launched an on­line peti­ tion to as part of their re­opening campaign.

Our latest edition is always online at www.thecourier.es

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Are you a snapper? Do you have a great photo? Send it to design@thecourier.es and if we think it is good enough we will publish it as our Picture of the Week TELEPHONE

E­MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon ­ Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Alex Trelinski CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Alan Tel 616 332 178 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor

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Picture of the Week

96 692 1003 679 096 309

Who said flowers are prettier in the UK Photo by COLIN AITKEN

Triple tragedy I BEG YOUR PARDON

Three people were killed in a car smash on the N332 in Torrevieja, close to the Chiron Hospital on Monday after­ noon. The crash happened on the south bound carriageway at around 5.00pm, and took the lives of a Toledo couple in their mid­thirties as well as a Ukrainian orthodox priest who worked in Torrevieja. The collision between a van and a car saw all three people die immediately, with the road closed for three hours. It’s the most serious incident in the area, since a mother and daughter lost their lives on the N332 back in January.

SLICK BUY

Spain’s leading olive­oil producer, Deoleo, is set to go British after it was bought out by a UK­based pri­ vate equity firm. After a bidding war, Deoleo’s majority shareholders – a group of four Spanish banks – have agreed to sell 29.99% of the com­ pany to the UK­based firm CVC Capital Partners. CVC will then launch a takeover bid for the rest of the company once the first part of the transaction is carried out.

A thieving Spanish banker jailed for stealing 30 thou­ sand Euros from a customer is one of 21 prisoners given a reprieve during this year's traditional Easter pardons in Spain. Opponents say the practice is out of date and should be scrapped with the ritual said to resemble the freeing of Barabbas at the expense of Jesus Christ.

Every Holy Week in Spain, around 20 prisoners are freed at the request of the cofradías, the religious brotherhoods behind most of the processions which take place across the country.

The main controversy has surrounded Francisco Segundo Domingo Vaquero,

a former manager for the Santander Bank branch in Valladolid, where he stole money from one of his cus­ tomers. He was sentenced to two years and four months in prison, as well as forced to pay back the family of the then deceased bank customer, the full amount he’d stolen as well as coughing up a 10 Euro daily fine over the course of 11 months.

The Spanish Secular Europe group, which calls for the separation between the Church and the State, argues that holy pardons go against the Constitution’s “everyone is equal before the law' motto”, as they’re

only granted to repentant Catholics. They've also called it "politically absurd" that an 18th century tradition has been accepted by every democratic government in Spain to date. It stems from a 1759 prison riot in Malaga, when inmates refused to allow religious processions to be cancelled due to an outbreak of the Plague. Ever since, pardoned prisoners have taken part in the reli­ gious celebrations carried out by the Catholic brother­ hood that called for their lib­ eration.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines?

What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap­

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

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Thursday Sunny High 22° Low 14° Chance of rain 0%

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

ID PLEASE MOZZIE TIME Cloning con

You’ll have to show some form of identifica­ tion if you plan to use an internet café in Spain. The new public safety law says that anybody be it a resident or a foreign visitor plan­ ning to surf the net at a café must produce either a Passport, DNI card, or an NIE number in future. Already, hotels are expected to request ID from customers, which is stan­ dard practice in most coun­

tries around the world. In all cases, the premises will be required to take a photocopy or scanned copy of the doc­ ument in question.

BAR FARCE

There’s confusion over who, if anybody, has been awarded beach bar con­ tracts on the Orihuela Costa and Torrevieja, with the Easter Holiday season already started.

The Torrevieja franchise awards apparently saw various “mis­ takes” in the tendering process which means that successful tenders will miss out on the key money­earn­ ing Easter weekend. On the Orihuela Costa, only one bidder is said to have passed the quality threshold

EASIER TRANSFER

with complaints and chal­ lenges from other appli­ cants, which means that nothing so far has happened as The Courier went to press.

TRUNKS ON

With temperatures on the rise, it’s not just the humans who are looking to cool off, but also the animals at Terra Natura in Benidorm. With temperatures last weekend into the mid­20’s, the Indian elephants have taken the opportunity to cool them­ selves down, including providing an entertaining show with a public exhibition of their washing habits!

Kings dethroned

Eight members of the Latin Kings gang have been found guilty of stabbing two rival gang members in Torrevieja nine years ago.

Two members of the Lion Black gang were knifed in 2005 in two separate inci­ dents, and the Latin Kings members in the dock have taken reduced sentences after a plea bargain. One of them faces over 2 years behind bars for attempted murder, whilst another man has a 1 year jail stretch for

Torrevieja’s Green Party has called for the council to step up action against the annual plague of mosquitoes that are especially bad in the urbanisations close to the salt lakes, with areas like San Luis and Los Balcones being especially affected. The Greens say that pest control isn’t good enough by itself, and that the council should do more to stop the pests spreading in the first place, including getting rid of pud­ dles where the mosquito larvae incubate and increase.

People who’ve worked in the UK, and are now working in Spain are to find life a lot easier over maintaining their pen­ sion rights. The European Parliament has adopted some new rules which means any EU citizen who has worked in another member state will be able to transfer into another works pen­ sion scheme relatively hassle­free.

The new rules will help to remove current obstacles, such as a requirement for very long periods of employment to acquire rights, or the risk of losing rights when transferring from one pension scheme to another. Workers will be entitled to a pension after 3 years of work under the rules, instead of 5 or even 10 years as is currently the case. All of this though could take time as the EU nations have been given 4 years to implement the measures.

Yogurt boost

Yogurts sold in Spain will now no longer carry a sell­by date, but instead they’ll fea­ ture a 'recommended use­ by' date, but not an expiry date, which means the old law of them having to be sold within 4 weeks of being manufactured is scrapped.

This will mean Spain is no longer at a disadvantage in the food market, given that other European Union mem­ ber States have already scrapped yogurt expiry dates. It will also stop yogurt being unnecessarily thrown out unused, meaning that

The seafront park at Lo Pagan has been given a pre­ Easter makeover by San Pedro del Pinatar council. New benches and an extended children’s play area are part of the spruce­up along with a re­laid lawn and path, along with a new set of energy efficient lights at the Parque del Mar Reyes de Espana.

BIG FALL

People using Costa Blanca’s roads has fallen by a quarter since 2007, with 2.04 million trips posted in that year com­ pared to 1.53 million in 2013. Leisure travel has been the most affected area, with people choosing to cut back on what they regard as unnecessary social journeys, due to the recession. The figures take account of roads managed by the Valencian Government, and do not include the motorways and toll routes. The busiest road in Alicante Province is the CV725 between between Ondara and Dénia, which is the main access route to the Marina Alta from the N332 and AP7.

It reached an average peak of 28,529 vehicles a day last year, followed by the CV905 in the Torrevieja area with 27,003 vehicles per day, with the CV70 linking into Benidorm with 26,325.

HOGGERS BLASTED

Outside lane­ hoggers are being given a warning as Spain builds up for one of the year’s biggest weekends on the road. The coun­ try’s traffic authori­ ty, the DGT, has warned drivers that the outside left lane is for overtaking any quantities not sold can, only, with DGT boss María at any time, be redistributed Seguí saying that up to 60% among the poor and needy. of traffic is seen hogging the The new law also splits outside lane on motorways, yoghurt into six categories: which is more likely to get natural; sweetened natural; them involved in an acci­ sweetened; with fruit, fruit dent, as opposed to getting juices and other foodstuffs; flavoured, and pasteurised after fermentation.

PARKLIFE

causing bodily harm. All of those charged will also have to pay a 1 thousand Euro fine for belonging to an ille­ gal organisation.

At least 262 people have been conned in Spain by credit­ card cloners who topped up their bank accounts by using the Spanish State lottery website. The numbers go up to over 16 hundred internationally, according to the National Police. The fraudsters, who hacked into Wi­Fi connections to avoid being traced, would syphon off money into their own online lottery ticket accounts with sums ranging from 90 to 180 Euros, and then move these to their bank accounts. They are said to have driven three lorries with containers filled with top­of­the­ range technology equipment worth 26 thousand Euros, bought with the proceeds of their online fraud, from Fuenlabrada to Lagos in Nigeria, via Amberes in Belgium.

Three people have been arrested in the Toledo region, and police say the gang netted up to 1.8 million Euros.

to their destination more quickly. Left­lane hogging is so common that it is detect­ ed during practically every traffic offence clampdown put into operation during peak times and holiday peri­ ods, says Sra Seguí.

FERIA FUN

26 local businesses will be taking part in Santiago de la Ribera’s 6th Outlet Fair which starts today (Thursday) and runs through to Easter Day. A wide range of stalls will be on the Barneuevo promenade selling clothes, footwear, per­ fumes, and jewellery amongst other things, along with fash­ ion shows and live entertainment. San Javier’s commerce councillor Pedro López claimed that it was the city’s biggest shopping event of the year.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

SALT SHAKER RISK TAKERS AHOY THERE!

Torrevieja’s historical connection with salt can be traced in a special exhibition running until mid­May at the Vista Alegre hall. The display looks at the history of salt and the way that it has impacted on the area, with a wide range of memorabil­ ia. The event, called Land Sea Sat, was officially opened by Torrevieja Mayor, Eduardo Dolon, and runs until Saturday May 18th.

BEACH DEMO

Local surfers protest­ ed at La Zenia’s Cala Cerrada beach last Sunday over new signs that had been put up banning them from using their boards in the area.

They say that Cala Cerrada has perfect con­ ditions for the sport, and that they are willing to reach an agreement with the local council over giving them access in off­ peak times so as not to dis­

turb other swimmers, as well as forming a club for “insur­ ance” purposes.

CLOSEDOWN TIME

Spain’s media groups have decided which TV channels they’ll be pulling the plug on ahead of their May 6th dead­ line to clear the frequencies on the orders of the government.

Spain’s free­to­ air TDT service has already lost Marca TV, MTV, and Intereconomia recently, and Xplora, Nitro, La Sexta3, La Siete, Nueve, Neox, and Veo TV will all stop broadcasting.

The frequency spectrum is set to be re­organised for the

government to make money from an auction involving mobile phone companies. It means that viewer choice in the Valencia area has close to halved in a matter of months, following last year’s collapse of the Nou public services.

TORRY BLAZE

Nearly a third of Spanish homes have no building insur­ ance at all, and almost 9% of vehicles are uninsured in a sur­ vey conducted by an online broker. The recession has seen people cutting corners, with the number of vehicles without insurance, even compulsory third party cover, going up by 35% since 2008. That means 2.4 million uninsured cars and motorbikes, amounting to 8.8% of the total on the road.

HOSPITAL CRITICISED Almoradi’s opposi­ tion socialists have slammed what they say are cuts in the Valencian Region Health Department that are badly affecting the services provided by the Vega Baja Hospital.

PSOE spokesman Jaime Perez says that poor food and bad quality furni­ ture are amongst the prob­ lems at the hospital, down to

the bed mattresses that are not fit for purpose and a lack of gowns to go around for the patients.

Gone to pot

The Guardia Civil and the Red Cross came to the rescue of two people who had ran aground in their yacht (pictured) off the coast of San Pedro del Pinatar last Friday. Authorities were later pressed into action at La Manga, where a pleas­ ure­boat carrying 4 people, including a two year old boy had capsized close to the Doblemar Hotel Casino. They were taken ashore, with a 40 year old woman and the boy both treated for mild hypothermia.

A REAL STAR

Madrid Zoo’s latest young giant panda, Xing Bao made his first public appearance last week as his mum gave him a tour of the zoo's panda enclosure. The 15 kilo youngster clam­ bered about on a special climbing frame and took in the spring sunshine to the delight of onlookers. Xing Bao (Treasure Star) is the fourth panda to be born at Madrid Zoo.

A GOOD READ

Three­quarters of Spanish roads are not fit for purpose according to the Spanish Automobile Club, with the routes suffering from cracks and potholes in addition to poor light­ ing. The club says that the deteriorating state of Spain’s road is unprecedented and they claim that 6.2 billion Euros needs to be spent on making them safe.

WEB BULLIES

Half the teenage pop­ ulation of Alicante Province has experi­ enced cyber­bullying.

The disturbing survey by Elche’s Miguel Hernández University is the first ever in Spain to look at bullying, be it sexual, verbal, or even controlling behaviour via the internet and social networking sites, in addition to E­mails. Girls, according to the 2 thousand plus stu­

Local bookworms will have plenty to go at until the end of the month with the latest Torrevieja Book Fair based at the Paseo Vista Alegre. Eight retailers are offering a range of books for sale until April 28th in the 28th staging of the tradi­ tional Easter event.

LET’S SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER dents who took part in the survey, suffered from cyber­ bullying compared to boys.

More flights

An elderly woman died in a fire in her Torrevieja flat yester­ day lunchtime (Wednesday). The blaze destroyed most of a second floor apartment on Calle Pedro Lorca, with emer­ gency services unable to get to her in time.

BIG LIST

The San Miguel de Salinas Archangel Residents Association has come up with a wish­list of 242 ideas to improve the area. It’s lobbying the local council over such things as hygiene and cultural events as well as a raft of pro­ posals to boost the economy.

A number of Russian air carriers have asked the owner of Alicante­Elche air­ port, AENA, for permission to increase the number of flights that they provide to the airport. The Costa Blanca Tourist Board is predicting big rises in the number of visitors from Russia over coming months. In a separate development, the low cost Spanish carrier Vueling has said that it will now run the new services to the Italian capital Rome from El Altet all year round. Flights will be kept going on the Monday and Friday, in addition to the summer service on a Wednesday.

Local Rolling Stones fans will be able to travel on specially scheduled services to see the veteran band in Madrid on Wednesday June 25th. Train company RENFE has arranged some specially discounted fares worth up to 60% on the high speed AVE service with a late post­concert departure in the early hours of Thursday morning back to Alicante. That’s in addition to extra AVE services to the capital on the Wednesday.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

CHAIN REACTION

Around 100 people from various political groupings formed a human chain outside Elche’s Central Market to oppose the city’s plan for a new building to replace it. Last Saturday’s protest was in favour of improv­

ing the current market hall and preserving some of the recent archaeological discover­ ies, as opposed to supporting what the group say is a major redevelopment along with car parking.

SPAIN’s first gay and lesbian elderly care home will open up in Madrid next year, with a converted hotel in the capital being used for the project by the Spanish Lesbian and Gay Group, the December 26 Foundation.

Federico Armenteros, the president of December 26, insisted that the care home is vital because ‘elderly LGTB don’t exist’ as far as society is concerned. He said that the eld­ erly aren’t as accepting of gay and lesbian people, and many return to the closet in old age as a result, especially if they are in a home.

“They don’t have children and grandchil­ dren they can talk about and often they con­ ceal their sexual orientation to avoid rejec­ tion,” he said. But he added that the home won’t be exclusively for the LGTB communi­

ty. “We’re not going to ask you who you sleep with when you apply. Anyone can come, the only thing to bear in mind is that it specialises in elderly LGTBs,” he said.

OPENING UP

BRUM DEAL

UK low cost carrier FLYBE has launched a new flight between Birmingham and Alicante­ Elche airport. The service will run five days a week.

STICKY SPOT

The driest autumn and winter in recent memory means that the traditional Christmas treat of nougat is set to rise in price. Local almond crops have been decimated by the dry weather, which means that Alicante Province nougat manufactur­ ers in places like Jijona will have to look else­ where, which means a certain price hike, as they get ready to make the product this summer ready for the yuletide market. It’s bad news for other commodities that have been hit by the record breaking temperatures, with olives, nuts, and cereals also being affected.

EXPENSIVE MATCHING

Getting married in the Valencia and Murcia regions is amongst the most expensive knot tying in the whole of Spain. Both areas are above the national average for what it costs to get hitched with Murcia coming in at just under 18 thousand Euros, compared to the national average of over 14 thousand Euros.

Food for the wedding reception is the biggest headache, with average prices coming in at between 75 to 100 Euros per head!!

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

NEW YORK IN THE MEDITERRANEAN! Benidorm: The Apple of the Valencian eye THE Mediterranean equivalent of New York!

Like it or dislike it, Benidorm is a must see for everyone, even if it is just so that you can say ‘I’ve been there’.

Benidorm is Costa Blanca’s major tourist resort with the capacity to cope adequately with more than 500,000 tourists over the peak­season period. Six out of every ten visitors to the Valencian and Costa Blanca region opt for Benidorm, in order to take full advantage of its irresistible promise of sun and sand.

There are about four miles of breathtaking beaches in Benidorm and crystal clear waters as well the beautiful Playa Levante beach which lies with great restaurants, cafes and bars.

The Old Quarter of Benidorm is situated aside the promon­ tory that separates the two beaches. The Cerro Canfali headland, veined by narrow lanes and alleys, converges in the light­filled Balcón del Mediterráneo belvedere, white­ washed and decorated with blue tiles, an ornamental motif

repeated along the balustrade that graces stretches of the seafront of Benidorm. This small Old Quarter corresponds to the original fishing village and is presided over by the blue­ tiled domed roof of the 18th century San Jaime Parish Church.

In the area around the traditional city centre of Benidorm are the main shopping streets where you can find and buy fashion items, handicrafts and souvenirs.

Of course, Benidorm is also the ideal place for a family visit, no matter what your budget, with plenty of family attrac­ tions and theme parks to keep everyone entertained along­ side a great range of accommodation choices.

If letting your cares melt away in the sunshine can only keep you occupied for so long, you'll enjoy the Biblioplaya (beachfront library) at Levante where you can borrow books and magazines for free. When you fancy a bite to eat, Benidorm's numerous seafront cafes are ready to cater to all sorts of tastes and appetites, with many selling English food.

If you get the urge to explore, a two­mile boat excursion to the Isla de Benidorm is a great way to fulfil your desire to see more of this beautiful part of the world.

With an average summer­ time sea temperature of 24°C, it won't just be the daz­ zling white sand that keeps you coming back to Benidorm's beaches day after day.

If you're only out for the short haul, how about a won­ der around the many cafes and restaurants that bring the area to life after the sun goes down or watch a show at the Benidorm Palace. Just don't be surprised if that Spanish atmosphere turns your late evening meal into a full night on the tiles!

If you get the urge to explore, a two­mile boat excursion to the Isla de Benidorm (bottom right) is a great way to fulfil your desire to see more of this beautiful part of the world.

The locals refer to it as simply L’illa (the island) using the Valencian dialect, but whatever you call it the fact remains its one of the most easily recognised symbols of this massive tourist town and if you’ve never made the

journey across the bay to explore it, then you really should, because it’s a great day out.

There is a boat that leaves every hour from the port and takes around 20 minutes each way. The amazing Benidorm skyline seen from the Mediterranean and framed by the towering Puig Campana mountain (the one with the hole in the top) is simply stunning, in fact the whole trip is worth it just for that view.

When you get to the island you can spend as little or as long as you want. Enjoy an ice cream or some typical tapas in the restaurant or make a day of it and take a picnic. The island is a pro­ tected national park so flora and fauna abound, wander the path to the summit for a great view of the coast right up to Alicante, then find a comfy patch of rock or under­ growth to enjoy your picnic, with just the fresh sea air and the gulls for company.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

I’VE just made a life­ changing decision. A decision that would have been unthinkable a few weeks ago.

I’m going to spend the rest of my life back in the UK. Yes, the moaning old grumpy who hates the cold and the wet of England is to become an ex­expat.

Even if my decision does mean re­engaging with the nightmare of overcrowded cities and endless traffic jams.

Much as I love Spain, there is one thing my adopt­ ed homeland cannot provide me with. And that is the love and support of a caring family as I open the final chapter of my book of life.

I thought I could live with­ out my nearest and dearest ­ or at least without seeing them on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis. But I was deluding myself.

For the last four years or so I've soaked up an idyllic Costa cocktail of sunshine, sea and sangria, believing I could go it alone in my peaceful Iberian paradise.

Although I had ongoing health problems, they seemed to be under control and even the onset of Parkinson's could not dim my enthusiasm for La Vida Espanola.

That's exactly how it was until two weeks ago.

Then everything changed dramatically ­ triggered by the sudden, inexplicable fatigue which came over me.

I found myself struggling to keep my eyes open at moments when I needed to be wide awake. Like when I was driving my car on a busy road.

I knew something was wrong but a full medical check­up revealed nothing.

For an old dear approaching her 70th birthday, I seemed to be in relatively good health. Blood and excretion samples tested normal and

NO MORE TEARS: I’M GOING HOME

FAMILY BOND: My miracle grandson Buddy, who weighed less than a kilo at birth, and happy times with my daughters Hayley (left) and Lisa

an ECG showed my heart was pumping perfectly.

The tiredness, ventured the clinic doctor, could be down to my body metabolism adjusting to Summer Time.

An odd disgnosis maybe, but it somehow seemed to make sense. Particularly as I had returned from a visit to England a couple of days before the clocks went for­ ward and was now TWO hours ahead of where my ageing brain imagined it was.

As a naturally happy per­

for no apparent reason when I am alone at home ­ usually as bedtime approaches and I realise how vulnerable I am.

Tears are rolling down my cheeks again as I write this but I have made a decisive decision. son who invariably resorts to As time takes its toll and laughter to counter adversity, I begin to succumb to I didn't dream that I might increasing frailty, I need have a psychological prob­ my family around me more lem. than ever.

After all, I had been able to I won’t be going for a good deal comfortably with all the few weeks yet, but right now slings and arrows life had I feel like jumping on the next chucked at me. plane out of Alicante. Mind So the realisation that I you, with my luck I'd end up might actually be suffering in Malaga instead of from depression hit me like Manchester. the tsunami of tears I've The 10 days I spent last shed this past fortnight. month with my daughters I didn't think to tell the doc­ and grandchildren in tor I've been breaking down Lancashire and Cheshire

were really special. And per­ haps the most special part of all was the bond I built watch­ ing the Teletubbies with the youngest of my six grand­ kids, two­year­old Buddy.

My elder daughter Hayley’s only son was deliv­ ered three months prema­ turely by emergency Caesarian and weighed less than a kilo at birth.

For a week or more, the tiny tot’s life was in the bal­ ance, but today he is a mira­ cle mini man with the happi­ est smile, the cutest quiff of brown hair, and the ability to melt hearts with a Tinky Winky of his eye.

That's why Granny Donna is going Dipsy without him.

And why she’s coming home to see him grow up.

DEAR DONNA MY wife and I have just returned from the UK by car and can agree with your comments regard­ ing the clocks going for­ ward.

We left the UK on the Saturday evening and stayed in Calais overnight. On Sunday morning we added the continental hour and the summertime hour and were up at 7am for break­ fast before driving off at 8am.

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday no problem.

Fresh as daisies. From Wednesday on felt like Poo!.

We are just getting back to normal after eight days.

ALAN WILLIAMS

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Thursday, April 17, 2014

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

TIME TO CALL TIME

I called an emergency meeting of the pub discus­ sion group the other evening to voice my con­ cerns about the future of our cultural club.

The '7.30pm prompt start' was a no­brainer because the punters were assembled at the bar long before that time. Indeed, all of us had been in the pub all day apart from Ol' Red Eyes who had been there for eight days.

But that's another story.

As was customary at meet­ ings of our hostelry's debat­ ing organisation, the oldest and longest­serving member, the aforementioned Ol' Red Eyes, was in the chair ­­ until he fell out of it and crumpled to the floor in a semi­stupor.

As Fag Ash Bill had run out of cigarettes to smoke out­ side, he had made one of his rare entries into the pub and agreed to conduct the pro­ ceedings in the vertical absence of his colleague.

Tapping on the bartop with his cigarette lighter, he announced: 'I call this emer­

gency meeting to order, Mr William D. Wills presiding.'

'Who is William D. Wills?' muttered Daft Barry, clearly agitated as he glanced furtively around in an attempt to spot the stranger in the sea of familiar faces.

'That's Fag Ash Bill's real name,' I whispered into Daft Barry's twitching ear.

'He uses it only on for­ mal occasions.'

'Well, that's a relief,' said Daft Barry. 'I get very nervous when I'm out of my comfort zone and, oh boy, am I out of my comfort zone at this moment.'

Ignoring Daft Barry's com­ fort zone and where the poor guy was in relation to it, Fag Ash Bill declared: 'This meet­ ing has been called by that interfering busybody Dave Silver. I intend to start it now unless someone can lend me a cigarette in which case I shall adjourn the proceed­

ings for five minutes while I pop outside for a . . . er . . . a breath of fresh air.'

There were no takers (givers?) so Fag Ash Bill coughed and announced: 'I call on the aforementioned troublemaker Dave Silver to state his reason for summon­ ing us to this urgent gather­ ing.'

All pub noises hushed as I rose from my bar stool, stepped carefully over Ol' Red Eyes' snoring form and commenced to address the

proceedings. 'I believe that something has gone serious­ ly wrong with our beloved discussion group . . . ' 'Yeah, YOU are in it!' declared a chorus of voices.

Ignoring the hecklers, I went on: 'I am of the firm opinion that we are currently enduring a period of jaded­ ness and weariness. I further believe that this unfortunate state of affairs exists because we continue to con­ duct our deliberations in the unsuitable atmosphere of a

public house.

'The cumulative effect of constantly sit­ ting amidst alcohol fumes is that our brains have become addled. Our original intention of putting the world to rights has degenerated into a series of stupid debates, culminating last night in such worthless subjects as Do Sheep Shrink in the Rain? and Where Does Snot Come From?'

The same set of hecklers chorused: 'It was YOU, Dave Silver, who started rambling on about sheep and snot. Or ­­ as you put it in an attempt to sound like a clever clogs ­ ­ mutton and mucus.'

'I admit it!' I cried. 'But, as I've just said, it's the booze vapours that are getting to us all.'

'Gotcha!' Dave the barman shouted, pointing an accus­ ing finger at me. 'You're the one who started those nasty

rumours that I water my liq­ uid refreshments. If I did do that, then how come the alcohol fumes are so strong?'

'Because,' I responded, pointing an accusing finger at Dave the barman's accusing finger, 'You DO dilute your drinks. But to conceal your shameful behaviour you introduce concentrated beer shampoo into the air­condi­ tioning system in order to create the appropriate pub smell. And don't deny it, Dave, I've seen the bubbles coming out of the vents.'

Dave the barman caved in.

'If I didn't water the booze there wouldn't be enough to go round,' he mumbled.

At which point I suggested we adjourned to a different venue for some black coffee to sharpen our wits. 'The hospital A&E department has a drinks machine,' I pointed out. 'And if the staff protest that we're clogging up the casualty department, we'll simply produce Ol' Red Eyes and book him in to see the triage nurse.'

Thursday, April 17, 2014

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

THE EINSTEIN OF DOGS they are super intelligent, does not mean things can’t go wrong, because they can. This is one of the most sensi­ tive breeds of dog and they can become fearful of many things, such as people, other dogs, loud noises and traf­ fic, so as with all dogs, please make sure that they go through their early puppyhood with good socialisation In my opinion they are the most intelligent breed of dog and experiencing as much of what the world has to offer in the world, which at first was difficult for me to admit, as possible. This will create a happy, balanced and con­ being a huge German Shepherd fan. That was before fident adult dog.

Pickle, an abandoned Border Collie puppy, found his way When it comes to health, they tend not to suffer from to us and has been part of our family ever since. Their too many ailments, but quite common in this breed is eye intelligence is astounding and their learning capabilities problems. Pickle is on eye drops that keep his eyes are endless. clean, but before that, it was common for him to wake up This breed is highly strung and can become obsessive and the first thing we had to do was clean his eyes. Hip over such games as chasing the ball. To give you an dysplasia is also common in this breed. example of their intelligence, they excel in agility, fly­ball, The breed was started in Northumberland, around the search and rescue, you name it and the chances are they Scottish and English borders. are good at it. In some of these activities, there is one The greatest tribute I can pay to this breed is the fact section alone for Border Collies and another for all other that my Father­in­Law, Norman once had a Border Collie breeds, such is their supremacy! That is all the proof I ME AND MR PICKLE! called patch. Patch died over thirty years ago now and think we need to establish that we are dealing with the Einstein of the dog world here! although Border Collies love working and running, they whenever Norman speaks about him the tears flow down If this is the breed for you, it is critical that you meet will definitely carry on until they drop. Poor Pickle. I his cheeks.

We have set up an animal charity, where we help the their needs. They love the outdoors and they will simply remember him walking home that day with me as though go on and on until they drop. Don’t though make the mis­ he had just been down the pub for ten pints! Never again! most severely abused and injured animals in Spain. If take that I once made. I remember one day I was throw­ This breed was developed for sheep­herding and this you would be kind enough to donate anything to this spe­ cial cause you can do by Paypal, where the account ing the ball for Pickle and as always this was the highlight trait will never leave their DNA. of his day. Each time he kept retrieving the ball and chas­ If you do not give them the stimulation they need they details are peter@thedogyouneed.com or to our Nat ing right back to drop it again at my feet. It was a lovely will make up their own games, such as chasing joggers, West charity account, where the sort code is 60­16­03 day and we were both enjoying ourselves, so I kept cyclists and rounding up other dogs or people in the park. and the account number is 73754900.

IBAN: GB83 NWBK 6016 0373 7549 00. BIC: NWBK throwing the ball for him. Then as he starting to run back Pickle went through a stage of wanting to round up to me with the ball gripped tightly between his teeth, I London buses, so I am happy to say that on those occa­ GB 2L Even one Euro will help, so please, please, try and started to notice his legs starting to buckle. He was like a sions I had this bundle of energy on a lead. boxer on the ropes! That was a lesson for me, that One important fact to remember is that just because support us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Some humans are workaholics and if there was ever a dog breed with a similar outlook to work, it is the one and only, Border Collie.

This breed lives to work and are at their hap­ piest when doing just that.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? This is Rona, she should make medium sized. We have over 30 puppies and 70 dogs to choose from. Come to our dog show this Saturday 12th April, its going to be a great day out for all the family. you can find us on facebook “Paradise Kennels” or call 619938955

Otto is a beautiful Lab/ Rottie cross about 1 year old. He is also very loyal and affectiona­ te and will alert his human companions if someone is approaching the property.

Otto is fine with other dogs and cats. He follows com­ mands and is quite obedient even off the lead. Otto is used to being an indoor dog and is house trained , he is a very friendly dog who loves companionship. Please con­ tact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Roxy is a wonderful, happy little Chihuahua cross nee­ ding a home. She is around 15 months old, good with other dogs, sterilised, chip­ ped, vaccinated and has her pet passport. She weighs approx 6 kilos and will make a wonderful companion. Call: 645 469 253. www.petsins­ pain.com

Dani is a large GSD cross, he was found wandering in the campo, he is thought to be about 2 years old, he is obedient, loving and he likes to play and loves to be with people. If you can offer this super dog a home or if you want to find out more about him, please telephone the PEPA helpline on 650 304 746 or email: p.e.p.a.animal­ charity@gmail.com

Born in June 2010, Apollo is a lovely, friendly boy and despite someone cutting his vocal chords, he still loves people. He will make a great companion, as he is friends with all dogs and people alike. To meet Apollo and the other APAH dogs, please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Fluffy needs a home Urgently. She is 20 months old and was adopted when she was a puppy. She is a cross Akita, we believe her other half is husky. Fluffy is a very affectionate dog who loves her cuddles.. She has been chipped, spayed, had her injections, including rabies, and has her passport imckeown@btinternet.com

Apollo

Fluffy

Rona Why is KATRINA still at the kennels? She has been at the kennels 21 MONTHS and we just do not unders­ tand why! She is a happy, youngster at 2 ½ years old who should be enjoying life with a loving family She is fully vaccinated, micro chipped and sterilized.

Come on, let’s find Katrina her new home soon. For more information 966710047 or info@satani­ malrescue.com

Katrina

Roxy Samantha and Jordi were abandoned in the campo but luckily found just in time and brought to us. They were Otto anemic from the amount of Suzie. This cute little "BIG" ticks they had but now fully dog has been with us for 6 recovered. They are around months. She loves being with 8 weeks old and look like Fox cats, kids and 'grumpy' men! terrier cross. Call: 645 469 She is like one of the family but really needs a home of 253. www.petsinspain.com her own. Should hou be able to re­home, foster or sponsor one of the adorable dogs ple­ ase contact Eleanor 0034­ 610188349

Suzie

Samantha & Jordi

Dani Chico is about 10 months old, he is an adorable short haired pointer cross. He is a lovely affectionate good­ natured dog. He gets on with all other dogs and cats, he is great with people too and is one of those dogs that you feel has been with you fore­ ver. For more information on this special boy, please ring the PEPA helpline on 650 304 746 or Email: p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail. com

Thursday, April 17, 2014

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STRANGE BUT TRUE DOG AND BONE

Police dash to 999 emergency 'heavy breath­ ing' call to find dog run­ ning round garden with phone in its mouth Mary Amos­Cole had to chase her pet Leighton around her garden after the playful two­year­old Belgian Malinois snatched a cordless landline hand­ set.

The grandmother­of­ five eventually cornered the dog and was stunned when a police car turned up minutes later.

Mary, who is in her 60s, said: "The officer said the 999 call had been made and all they could hear at the other end was heavy breathing.

"It was obviously Leighton panting as he was running around with the phone in his mouth. He just wants you to chase him and that's what I did for a bit.

"If you don't chase him, he drops whatever is in his mouth to tempt you to try and get it. But before you can, he scoops it up again and he's off.

"As he was running about with the phone, I could hear it beeping but I had no idea he had managed to dial out with a 999 call. He's downright naughty, but I would never swap him."

Mary was gardening with her husband Geoff Cole, 55, when Leighton made off with their phone handset on Thursday.

Police feared someone's life was in danger when the 999

call came through. But officers realised it was a false alarm after turning up at Mary's home in Edlesborough, Bucks.

Former radio presen­ ter Mary and barber Geoff said Leighton has triggered up to eight police call­outs.

Mary explained: "When he was a young dog and we were leav­ ing him in the house we used to put him in a cage and set the bur­ glar alarm.

"But Leighton would be determined to get out and he was so strong that he could. He must have got through eight cages.

"Once he was out scampering around the house it trig­ gered the burglar alarm and the police would come out. All in all the police have been out because of him 7 or 8 times."

Mary said police have also "quizzed" Leighton to see whether he barked when burglars raided a nearby property.

A spokeswoman for Thames Valley Police confirmed that the incident. She said: "We had a silent 999 call from a phone. It was later confirmed by the occupant that a dog had called 999."

Belgian Malinois dogs are highly intelligent, courageous and inquisitive. They have been used by the CIA and secu­ rity forces across the world. One reportedly helped US Navy Seals storm the compound in Pakistan where Osama bin Laden was killed.

Urban naked zones The German city of Munich has given people the go­ahead to get naked in public.

Officials have declared six designated areas where naturists are welcome to strip off and show their bums and other bits without risking arrest.

But while these nudist spots offer some privacy, they are not fenced off or hidden away.

Instead they are in parks and one is only 10 min­ utes away from the city's main square and a stream popular with tourists.

The city, the third largest in Germany, brought in the "urban naked zones" after previous laws on nude sunbathing expired in Bavaria during the autumn.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

There is a fine line in life between what we want and what we need. There are times when we look forward to a situ­ ation arriving and then when it comes, it is over so quickly that we hardly have time to enjoy it.

However, if we stop looking forward to things life becomes boring. So how do we walk that line between wanting time to go quickly and not let­ ting our lives slip away?

My son is six years old, and I long for a day when he can go and make his own breakfast and help with the washing up or make me a coffee, but then what? Do I then long for the day when he meets someone and gets married? How much of my life do I wish away waiting for things to happen? Shortly after Nelson Mandela died, my little man saw a photo of him taken shortly before his passing and he said to me that he looked really old. I explained that he was an old man and when asked, told my boy that he had died, but only after a long life where he achieved a lot. This seemed to affect my son more than I thought it would, as only the other day on the way home from dance class did he say to me that he didn´t want to be one hundred years old because he didn´t want to die. No matter how I reassure him, it is obviously something that he thinks about, and it makes me sad to think he is already worrying about being old and not living forever.

I think we forget as we are watching our children grow, that we too are getting older. I used to think that when my

son is older he will be doing this or doing that and I never stopped to think that I will be that much older too and less able to do what I can now, and that one day all this will come to an end! It´s not something any of us like to think about I know, but I do feel lucky that I can go to bed at night safe in the knowledge that in the morning I will wake up. I also realise that as long as my son is here by my side, that life is how it should be. There can be nothing worse than losing a child but I also know that I have to be here as long as I can be, because my fella has no one else, and of course I want to see him grow and mature and watch and encourage him

to be whatever he wants.

I will keep myself fit and active for as long as I can and hope that nothing in my life changes. I will look forward to certain times, like summer for example when I´ll have my daughters with me again, and when I don´t have to work so much, but I will also ensure that I enjoy every moment of the here and now, with the mundane being made to be interesting. I am blessed to be living in this country and be able to work and survive here, and this is not something I take for grant­ ed. When I think of my previous existence in London, I see a life full of work and just surviv­ ing, but when I think about everything I have achieved here in Spain I feel a sense of knowing I made the right decision. I have had an experi­ ence here that would never have occurred had I stayed back in the UK where my life was hum­ drum and unenjoyable, and where I just existed.

I tell everyone that I meet that my quality of life here is 100% better than it was in the UK and it is still getting better.

I am grateful for every day that I am here. Life isn´t pass­ ing me by but I am rolling with it, and I hope that you are doing the same, after all this is hopefully going to be a long ride for us all, and whatever I can do to reassure my son that life is worth living and to enjoy it, I will certainly do. I know that one day he too will see that although life is a precious gift, in order for future generations to be born, we have to leave one day. However hopefully when we go, we will be leaving precious memories and someone, whether it be friends or family, will remember us and we can live on.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

ONLY THE RICH CAN BUY JUSTICE

I’ve a fair deal of sym­ pathy for Ribble Valley MP Nigel Evans, who was recently cleared of a whole set of trumped up sexual charges against him.

The former Commons deputy speaker made the not­unreasonable point that he’s had to shell out 130 thousand pounds of his life

savings to defend himself, and that the Crown Prosecution Service should cough up, because all his money has gone. The sys­ tem says that acquitted defendants can apply to get a refund based on what using legal aid would have cost, and that comes from a public fund rather than the CPS. In other words, hiring top briefs is just not an

option for us mere mortals, and I think forcing the CPS to pay up would stop the whole current flood of “celebrity prosecutions” that are not just standing up to any scrutiny.

For Evans, it has been worse than for a soap actor who can return to his role.

He lost his deputy speaker salary when he stood down, and he could even lose his seat in next year’s election because of the mud that has been wrongly thrown at him.

That of course is not to say that people in the public eye should be allowed to “get away with it”. Far from it, but the CPS should learn to get their “ducks in a row” prop­ erly before wasting every­ body’s time and money on cases that have far reaching

consequences for the proven innocent.

I interviewed Nigel Evans a number of times in the late nineties in the aftermath of the Tory General Election thrashing of 1997, and I loved his honesty and free­ thinking. Though I did not know that he was gay at the time, it was just so good to hear somebody who had something different to say about politics and did not sound as a Conservative either. He was pretty much ahead of the Cameron pack, and I suspect one or two of his internal­enemies may have enjoyed “sticking the knife in” over the last year or so. I wish Mr. Evans well.

There’s nothing like comedy to expose a bit of hypocrisy amongst politi­

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cians, and the sight of UKIP leader, Nigel Farage, squirming on last week’s TV show, Have I Got News For You, was a sight to behold.

The programme exposed some of the idiots that are part of his party, and then went on to talk about some of the very substantial expenses that he has allegedly claimed as a Euro MP. It was very uncomfort­

able stuff for Farage, who tried to smile sickly through it all, as the Private Eye edi­ tor, Ian Hislop, had a field day. What a shame that with a year to go before the next election, British TV doesn’t have an all­year round satirical show that can knife politicians of all shades on a weekly basis.

It’s what democracy is all about!

LÍNEA DIRECTA ADVISES YOU HOW TO ACT IN CASE OF AN ACCIDENT Línea Directa Insurance advises you of the steps to follow in case of a road accident in Spain.

1. Call the emergency number: 112. They will co­ordinate the proce­ dure and will ask you in detail about the circumstances of the accident.

2. Remain calm at all times. Switch on the emergency lights and if the state of the vehicle permits, remove the vehicle from the road, in order to avoid delays and further accidents, to the extent possible.

3. Signal the accident location. Before stepping out of the car, put on your high­visibility jacket, which is compulsory, and place the emer­ gency triangles correctly. The first must be placed about 50 metres behind the car in the direction of the traffic, and the second about 100m.

4. If someone is seriously injured, never try to move them, except if in danger of fire or imminent explosion. Cover the injured person, keep them calm and wait for the emergency services to arrive.

5. If the circumstances of the location allow, always fill in the European accident report, which is an essential document for speed­ ing up the procedures and handling between the insurance companies.

If you have any doubt about how to do this, don’t hesitate to call your insurance company.

For more information, Call 902 123 161

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Tony

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Mayes

HE ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO SHOUT ABOUT

TAKE OFF TO AIRPORT MADNESS

I'VE sometimes thought that things are weird here in Spain, but having just spent a whistle­stop visit to Manchester, I've come to the conclusion Britain has gone even weirder ­ in fact stark staring mad!

My wife and I flew back to England for a funeral and sadly the UK is not the place I left just a short time ago.

We hired a car at the airport and had to collect it, having taken a bus ride from the ter­ minal building to the "car rental village." That's a joke for a start ­ it's an office build­ ing and car park, hardly a vil­ lage. Anyway, all was fine until the return. We drove into the airport and looked for the car rental return signs.

Nothing! Round and round the airport we went and ended up at the entrance to terminal two, with all of this in the pouring rain and dark­ ness. What happened next was a chapter out of some TV comic scene. We asked a security man there where the car rental return "village" was. His reply? "Oh, you have to take the airport bus there." Hello...how do we get the car onto the bus?" We drove away in despair, and then ended up on the route out of the airport, forcing us to the motorway and having to travel five miles each way to get back to the airport.

This time we opted to try the route to terminal three, hav­ ing eliminated two, and there, on a sign in small let­ ters was what we needed:­ the direction to "car rental vil­ lage.' I never thought the day would come when I would be more at ease and know

where I was going in Spain rather than in my home country ­ car rental return signs are very clear at Alicante­Elche Airport. But the idiocy didn’t end there!

At 5.00am we decided to have a coffee in the terminal lounge, and couldn't believe the queue of 20­ somethings all wanting pints of beer ­ yes at 5.00 am. We finally got our coffees and I then decided to get a newspaper from WH Smith's but all but one of the staff have been replaced by self­service machines (pic­ tured). Now these machines may be all well and good in supermarkets, and when you have just a few items, may be quicker to use than queu­ ing at the checkout. But in an airport? Remember, you must not abandon your bags, or they will be blown up or something. So there are all these customers complete with all their baggage, trying to scan books, newspapers, etc. Next it tells you to scan your boarding card. What bo.....s! You can't get into the lounge without going through security, so why have you got to show your boarding card? And I didn't need boarding cards to buy cof­ fees, so why a newspaper?

It's just plain crazy! Just imagine all these customers, with all their baggage, all their goods, trying to get their boarding cards from hand­ bags, pockets, etc. Finally the machine asks for money and there's a 10 second delay while it thinks about giving change. It's no wonder there are queues all around the shop. Question to W H Smith:­ Where on hell has your customer care gone?

Message to Manchester Airport ­ people returning

hire cars need to know where the drop off point is, and for this you must put up signs.

Dimbos, start thinking of trav­ ellers' needs! Other irrita­ tions? Instead of having mens' and womens' toilet signs at the airport, there are notices announcing they also contain ritual cleaning facili­ ties. And of course, in won­ derful Britain in the 21st cen­ tury, there's an immigrant welcoming you into the UK through immigration control.

Welcome to mad, sad Britain!

Incidentally, before I leave the subject of my visit to the UK, we went to the Trafford Centre and was amazed how busy it was there. The car parks were full, and the malls were heaving, as were the restaurants. There were so many people wanting to buy Pandora items in their shop they had to limit the number going in ­ and we were told it was like that every day!

Listen to Ed Miliband and you would think Brits and especially those outside booming London were living in poverty ­ you know, those poor hard working people worse off now than at the start of the recession. Well, they didn't look at all hard up to me north of Watford Gap. Thank goodness we're back in lovely Spain now, and back to spending less than 10 Euros for a meal out. When we went for a pub lunch for three in the UK, I got no change out of £60.

A few weeks ago I wrote about evolution, and suggested that we can see it at work even in the last three generations. I said that peo­ ple were getting taller and bigger thanks to an abun­ dance of food, while some were growing too big for their

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own good for the same rea­ son, passed on to the next generation. Well, it seems that an evolutionary theorist, Oliver Curry, of the London School of Economics, has similar views, but he's gone a step further, believing humanity may split into two sub­species in 100,000 years' time as predicted by HG Wells in his novel The Time Machine. He expects a genetic upper class and a dim­witted underclass to emerge. The human race would peak in the year 3000, before a decline due to dependence on technology.

People would become choosier about their sexual partners, causing humanity to divide into the sub­species, rather like the Eloi and the Morlocks in the futuristic novel. The descendants of the genetic upper class would be tall, slim, healthy, attrac­ tive, intelligent, and creative and a far cry from the "under­ class" humans who would have evolved into dim­witted, ugly, squat goblin­like crea­ tures. Social skills, such as communicating and interact­ ing with others, could be lost, along with emotions such as love, sympathy, trust and respect.

People would become less able to care for others, or perform in teams.

Take a look around you now and it's beginning to happen.

The upper classes shutting themselves off in gated com­

munities, mixing only with their own, going to different places and doing different things than the rest. It's already a division between rich and poor. A few more generations and the divisions will be far more than that.

Do you remember the good old days when you picked up a UK telephone and could ask for directory inquiries; you were connect­ ed and the service was free?

Any idea how much it costs now? The connection charge for the 118 118 service is between 50p and £4 and then up to £5 for every minute on the line. All that's bad enough, but I hate those nau­ seous TV adverts "starring' those two prize clowns. It's one of a large number of adverts I would like to see banned just because of their annoyance factor. So it rather pleases me to hear the com­ pany behind the 118 118 service, PhonepayPlus, has been fined £80,000 for failing to make its charges clear to consumers in adverts on London buses. Well, that's a start anyway!

Are the antics of cyclists one of your pet hates?

As a driver, it drives me mad to see cyclists who either have no knowledge of the Highway Code or deliberately disobey the rules for the sheer hell of it. Britain is bad enough but here in Spain it's many times worse, particular­ ly when cyclists ride the wrong way along a street and then decide to ride straight onto a pedestrian crossing without looking. How often do you hear from the cyclists that they are never wrong and it's all the fault of those nasty, uncaring drivers. So it was pleasing to hear of a cyclist in York who fixed a camera on his helmet and then posted the results on the internet to highlight all the rid­ ers' misdemeanours. The most startling incident showed a cyclist going head­ over­heels on a main road when he attempted to take off his jacket while on the move.

The jacket got caught in the cyclist's front wheel and he ended up performing a som­

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ersault on the busy street ­ going straight over his han­ dlebars and crashing to the ground. Other incidents fea­ tured on video include bikers cutting­up motorists, riding without their hands on the handlebars, going the wrong way up one­way streets, using their mobile phones while pedalling, riding on footpaths and jumping red lights. Cyclists should be licensed, insured, have to obey the laws of the road and be fined if they transgress, just like motorists. It would make the roads much safer and save lives.

How mad is this? A con­ victed paedophile is set to be handed photos of a young girl he abused ­ after police said they are powerless to destroy them. The man had a laptop containing the pic­ tures confiscated by the police, who found a large number of images of the girl, including some where she is dressed in swimwear and leo­ tards, and also of her sister.

According to campaigners Liberty, he has now requested the computer and his mobile phone are returned by the police force. The victim's fam­ ily have been left furious after Dorset Police said they can­ not delete the images because they are not legally classified as indecent or pro­ hibited. Police say they will fight the matter tooth and nail, but legally they do not have a leg to stand on. They want a change in the law to stop the return of the computer with the images intact, but as the law stands at present they are powerless to delete them. The sex offender, who is in his fifties, was jailed for 9 years after admitting a string of sex offences, including assaulting a child under the age of 13 by penetration. He later made a formal request for his comput­ er and phone to be returned, allowing him to view the pic­ tures when he gets out of prison. Legally the situation is interesting. It's that wretched Human Rights Act which is the problem since the convicted paedophile has "rights" as does the victim. It's a situation where the law has tied itself up in knots.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 118 ¡Hola! Welcome to another week here on the sunny Costa Blanca, os deseo a todos una feliz semana santa y espero que lo paséis muy tranquilo. Lo que hacéis no olvidáis a estudiar el español, y practicarlo cuando podéis. Espero que ésos alrededor de usted están de apoyo, es difícil aprender algo nuevo pero con tiempo, el la ayuda y apoyo de tus ami­ gos y familia todos podemos hablar un buen nivel de español.

Keep going and improving, this is a long road we´re on, the most important thing is that you´ve got this far, never give up.

Spanish is fun and it´s great when it finally comes together.

Here are the answers to last weeks translations, next week we´ll be moving on so keep revising and keep learning.

They are the men whose children work in the bank ­ Son los hombres cuyos hijos trabajan en el banco. The lady whose son is in my class works in my father's office ­ La señora cuyo hijo está en mi clase trabaja en la oficina de mi padre, the lady whose dog bit me will have to pay the doctor – La señora cuyo perro me mordió tendrá que pagarle al médico, 4) my brother, who is twenty years old, is the youngest – mi hermana, que tiene veinte años, es el más joven, 5) I´ll do it tomorrow – lo haré mañana, 6) I have something to tell you – tengo algo que decirte, 7) we are learning a lot – estamos aprendiendo mucho, 8) Well done! ­ ¡bien hecho!, 9) I´d like to go but I´m very tired – me gus­ taría ir pero estoy muy cansado/a, 10) it must be near – debe estar por aquí cerca, 11)I have a headache – me duele la cabeza, 12) the doors were closed – las puertas estaban cerradas, 13) 3) I´m pleased that you like them, 14) I need a clean knife – Necesito un cuchillo limpio, 15) I am very punctual, I always arrive everywhere on time – soy muy puntual, siempre llego a tiempo a todas partes, 16) the museum has special tarriffs for students and also for pen­ sioners – el museo tiene tarifas especiales para estudi­ antes y también para jubilados, 17) is there a party in the centre tonight? ­ ¿hay una fiesta en el centro esta noche?

¿hay una fiesta en el centro esta noche?

18) I will go tomorrow if you will come with me – yo iré mañana si tú vendrás conmigo, 19) I have been to the beach and later I will see a film at the cinema – he ido a la playa y más tarde (después) veré una película, 20) I know John but I don´t know his sister – conozco a Juan pero no conozco a su hermana.

Cheap = arbtao _barato_, cherries = sa crlsezae _las cerezas__, Older sister = maaaom eha rnyrl __la hermana mayor_, pet = aoalscm ta __la mascota__, comfortable = óomcda ___cómoda__, luggage = e lapeuqjei __el equipaje_, enough = etatsbna __bastante_, ours (masc.single) = eosrtun __nuestro_, plumber = tnolfereofa __el fontanero_, swimsuit = dabñeraol _el bañador_, seeds = llm seaslias __las semillas__, a corner = saeuaqniun __la esquina__,behind = sdreát __detrás__,

below = obedaj __debajo__, I bought (preterite) = pcé­ mooyr __ yo compré__, you paid (preterite) = spgaeatút __tú pagaste_, translator = odrrtalcteu ___el traductor__ , to get up = nveslearta __levantarse_ , you are right = óseieznatrn _tienes razón__ , we want = mqeesoru __queremos __ , you (tú) played (preterite) = sutjeag __jugaste___ , I would come = averínd _vendría_ , I want­ ed (imperfect) = eírqua _quería__ Have a great week, hopefully the weather will just continue to improve and we can all enjoy the sunshine, ¡tengo muchas ganas a disfrutar mi piscina!

If you´re going to any of the Easter parades I hope you have a great time and enjoy the Spanish celebrations. ¡hasta la próxima!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

THE BODY’S 7 CHANNELS OF ELIMINATION

If you want to be healthy you need to understand the seven systems that the body uses to eliminate waste and toxic matters. When these systems are working effectively the result is good health. When they are com­ promised all types of complications can result. If you want to understand detoxification you need to have a clear understanding of the body’s channels of elimina­ tion.

When the body confronts a toxin or foreign substance it uses these channels of elimination to purge the toxin as quickly as possible. The key to excellent health is knowing these 7 channels of elimination like the back of your hand and doing everything possible to keep them functioning opti­ mally.

In 1904 a Russian naturopathic physician by the name of Eli Metchnikof discovered that the body would recycle any toxin that it was not capable of purging. In the recycling process the body would utilize all 7 channels of elimination to try and get the toxic substance removed from the body. This is important to understand because if your health has been compromised it would stand to reason that one or more of the body's channels of elimination are not working effectively.

Most people cannot even name the body's seven channels of elimination. If you value your health do everything you can to understand these seven vital cleansing systems.

Liver ­ The liver is the body’s factory. It metabolizes food, filters toxins and converts ingredients into substances that are needed in all parts of the body. Your liver is one of the largest and most important organs in your body. The liver, when healthy, will store vitamins, sugars, fats and other nutri­ ents from the food that you eat. The liver builds chemicals that your body needs to stay healthy and breaks down harm­ ful substances, like alcohol and other toxic (poisonous) chemicals. It also removes waste products from your blood and makes sure that your body has just the right amount of other chemicals that it needs.

Learn about the liver by picking up a basic book on health and supplement accordingly.

Lungs ­ Your lungs are in charge of breathing so you bet­ ter take care of them. The best way to take care of the lungs is to give them lots of exercise. The best way to keep your lungs healthy is not to smoke. Smoking isn't good for any part of your body, and your lungs especially hate it. Deep breath­ ing of fresh air is the best exercise for the lungs. Spend 15 minutes each day doing deep breathing exercises.

Lymphatic system ­ Regular exercise is the best treat­ ment that your lymphatic system can receive. The lymphatic

is the body’s filter system which supports immune function. A healthy lymphatic system filters out bacteria and other for­ eign particles. A natural herb by the name of arabanogalac­ tan is a natural cleanser of the lymphatic system.

Blood ­ The blood is a liquid organ which transfers and transports substances throughout the body. It is what delivers the needed nutrition to those areas that are in need. Red clover and chlorella are wonderful natural cleansers of the blood system. A regular exercise routine stimulates the blood system and assists the body in eliminating waste.

Skin ­ The skin is the body’s largest organ. By sweating naturally you assist in cleansing the skin and keeping it elas­ tic and healthy. Going to a sauna and sweating is a wonderful health regimen for the skin.

Colon ­ The colon is vital to effective health because it serves the function of transporting waste out of the body.

Hydration of the digestion system will improve colon health.

This can be done by drinking an equivalent number of

The Rich Mans Disease

Gout was always considered to be the rich man’s disease as it was thought that it was caused by a diet rich in fats and meat which in times gone by was only affordable by the rich.

Gout is one of the commonest types of arthritis which normally affected two or more joints at a time­the ball of the big toe being the most commonly affected and accounts for 70% of cases although the knees, shoulders feet and ankles can be affected.

When the body produces too much uric acid or if the kidneys aren’t working efficient­ ly the uric acid collects in the tissues. If the problem persists uric acid crystals eventually affects the joints and the sufferer can have sudden extreme pain that can cause fever, nausea and vomiting and it can often waken the person in the middle of the night.

Fortunately there are many preventative measures as well as natural remedies that can lessen the pain and shorten the attack. .

It is important to avoid foods that contain substances called purines as these foods can produce uric acid when broken down.

Off limit foods include liver, kidney, tripe, tongue, red meat, shellfish, scal­ lops, peas, lentils, anchovies and beans.

Stick to a low gly­ caemic diet (GL) which reduces sugar and refined carbohydrates as they cause blood sugar levels to rise and gout is more common amongst diabetics.

Keep your weight down and reduce the intake of alcohol, coffee, sugary drinks and drink more water at least 2 litres a day to flush out the purines.

Celery, grapes and cabbage are good foods to prevent gout and if you are unfortu­ nate enough to develop it Devils Claw 480mg twice per day will help with joint pain.

Turmeric is a `powerful anti­inflammatory that will reduce joint pain and inflammation during an attack. Take one 300mg tablet twice per day. Plus, vitamin C 1,000 mg per day.

For other dietary and food supplement advice contact us here at SlimFit on 966 191 514 / 722 219 450 or email info@slimfit­ europe.com

ounces of water to your body weight every day. Also, hydrat­ ing the colon through colon hydrotherapy has proven to be very beneficial to re­establishing health.

Kidneys ­ Your chances of developing a kidney stone in your lifetime are 1 in 10. In 1995, more than 3 million people in the United States had some type of kidney condition such as an infection, kidney stones or cancer. More than 300,000 people suffer from renal failure each year and undergo dialy­ sis or await a kidney transplant.

The kidneys produce urine which is the waste in the body.

Often kidney problems are the result of dehydration. A natu­ ral supplement that cleanses and provides needed nutrition for the kidneys is corn silk.

If you want to understand good health you need to under­ stand these seven channels of elimination. I urge you to understand these seven channels of elimination and do everything possible to assist them in your pursuit of excellent health.

Declining Nutrient Levels in Foods DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

In the last 50 years, there has been a significant and continuous fall in the nutrient levels of foods all over the world. Researchers at the University of Texas investigat­ ing the nutrient content of food crops discovered significant declines. They looked at 43 garden crops, mostly vegeta­ bles, but also melons and strawberries, and compared their nutritional data from 1950 until recent times. The researchers discovered shocking declines in 6 out of 13 nutrients studied, ranging from 6% for proteins to 38% for Vitamin B12. According to them, more worrisome are declines in nutrients that could not be studied due to the lack of data from 1950. Another study looking at 25 fruits and veg found 80% reductions in

calcium and iron, 75% in vita­ min A, 50% in vitamin C and riboflavin, 30% in thiamine and 12% in niacin as well.

Similar trends have also been discovered in the United Kingdom.

Even the humble potato has not fared any better. In recent times, the potato has lost 100% of its vitamin A, 57 % of its Vitamin C and Iron, and 28% of its Calcium. In 1950, the calcium content of widely grown varieties of Broccoli was 13mg, today it is 4.4mg. Vegetables such as Cabbage, Spinach, Lettuce and Tomatoes all show declines in mineral content from 400mg to less than 50mg. Compared with indus­ trial products, foods from ani­ mals raised on pasture are consistently richer in vitamins

A, D and E, beta­carotene and beneficial fatty acids. Eggs from chickens raised on pas­ ture contain up to 30% more vitamin E, 30%more vitamin B­12 and 50% more folate, than industrial eggs (from intensively bred hybrids) sold in most supermarkets.

The decline in food nutrient levels has been linked to a number of factors, most notably a reduction in soil nutrient levels. Today’s diet may not provide all the neces­ sary vitamins and minerals needed for the body to func­ tion optimally, but a healthy diet combined with adequate supplements can be regarded as our best health insurance policy.

LOOK­OUT FOR MEDB MAGAZINE COMING OUT SOON!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

BLOOD TESTS DON'T SHOW EVERYTHING Q

6 months ago, I noticed I was feeling very tired and went to my doctor, who informed me that I had a low haemoglobin (7.8 mg/dl) and prescribed iron tablets.

However this hasn’t made any difference whatsoever. 2 weeks ago when I had anoth­ er check, my haemoglobin had only risen to 8.5 and I still feel tired. I understand that it has to be closer to 11 mg/dl before it is con­ sidered normal. My doctor says it may take a longer time to become normal again.

Kindly tell me what you think.

A

There are a number of factors that can give rise to low haemoglobin. Chronic dis­ orders of the kidneys, digestive organs, as well as disruptions in the endocrine system may give rise to low haemoglobin. However nutri­ tional deficiencies are among the commonest causes of low haemoglobin. Iron deficiency can cause low haemoglobin, but in most cases; this is usually due to poor absorption and not a lack of iron in your diet. Iron needs vitamin C as well as an acidic stomach environment in other to be optimally absorbed. This is why people who take acid blocking drugs such as Omeprazole to treat heart burn and gastritis may eventually end up with iron deficiency anaemia. Vitamin B 12 is another vitally important nutrient for mak­ ing haemoglobin. Vitamin B12 is absorbed in the small intestine only in the presence of pro­ teins called intrinsic factor which is made in special stomach cells. These stomach cells can easily be damaged by many factors including diseases and medications. Other important nutrients that are also essential for making haemoglobin are zinc, boron, manganese, and

chromium. Nevertheless, it is important to bear in mind that as the name implies, ‘Blood tests’ are only able to show the levels of nutrients in the blood, and not in tissues where nutrients are needed. And the difference between the 2 can be substantial. And so even when blood tests show normal levels of nutrients, it still doesn’t mean that you are not deficient. The best way to ensure that you are getting enough nutrients is to take a good quality supplement concentrate that contains all essential nutrients – Vitamins, Minerals, aminoacids, antioxidants, etc. Quality is important because most supple­ ments are not formulated with the active and therefore easier to absorb forms of nutrients.

More importantly, such OTC supplements are classified as food supplements, which means the can be used by already healthy people to supplement their diet, and not to cure existing illnesses. Since your haemoglobin is low and hasn’t changed in all that time, my recommen­ dation will be a highly fortified nutrient formula such as Ultrapreventive X from Douglas Labs, or something similar. Ultrapreventive X con­ tains over 60 different nutrients as well as the extracts from 25 of the most powerful fruits and vegetables. It is available from Med B Health Shop. A 240 Tab Container (2 month supply) is available for 95.15 Euros. Delivery is free. Call 965071745. This is far better value in terms of nutrients than most people get from 2 months of food shopping.

Please email contact@medb.es

your

questions

to:

Q

My wife has had Meniere’s disease for approx. 30 years she is now 72 years of age and during the last 2years she is get­ ting attacks more often and during the last 6months she is having virtually daily attacks and has to spend a lot of time in bed and getting very depressed. We went to our doctor and she did not seem to know what we were talking about we did take an inter­ preter] the tablet she is taking is SERC 16mg X2 three times a day. Is there any way you can help her or know where she can get help.

A

I am so sorry to hear of your wife’s situa­ tion. Meniere’s disease is such a trouble­ some illness. Meniere’s is a disorder of the hearing system characterized by vertigo (spin­ ning sensation), tinnitus (ringing or buzzing in the ear) and deafness. There is no single test for Meniere’s and so it is diagnosed by clinically examination, usually when other illnesses with similar presenting symptoms have been ruled out. Researchers don’t agree on the exact cause of Meniere’s diseases; however what is clear is that it arises due to a malfunction in the labyrinth system of the inner ear. The labyrinth is made of a series of fluid filled channels that send signals of sound and balance to the brain and Meniere’s occurs when there is an abnor­ mality in the amount and composition of this fluid. Meniere’s can also cause other problems such as nausea, vomiting, irregular heart­beats and depression. There is no drug treatment for Meniere’s, instead doctors treat symptoms as they show­up. SERC – the medication pre­ scribed for your wife ­ is only used to treat ver­

tigo, which is just one out of many symptoms of meniere’s. Even though most researchers are unsure of the cause of Meniere’s disease, cur­ rent research and even anecdotal evidence clearly points towards heavy metals, especially mercury as one of the causes of Meniere’s dis­ ease. In 2010 Conductor Benjamin Zander of the Boston Philharmonic gave evidence before the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in the US of how removing his mercury amalgam fill­ ings cured his Meniere’s disease. Evidence notwithstanding, what we know for sure is that mercury is toxic to the delicate organs of our ears. Even without waiting for conclusive research it makes sense for anyone suffering from Meniere’s disease, a very debilitating dis­ ease, to take the steps to remove any mercury fillings they may have. However even the process of removing mercury amalgam expo­ sures the body to a heavy load of mercury which can cause a lot of ill health. And so it’s advisable to detox your body during the same time period you are removing your fillings. It may also be a good idea to see the effect of a mercury detox first, before she removes her amalgam fillings, if she has any present. There are other sources of mercury contamination besides amalgam like: environmental toxins, pesticides, insecticides, cosmetics, vaccines, drugs etc. The only substance taken by mouth that has been scientifically proven to eliminate toxins from the body is Pectasol, a natural com­ pound formulated from the inner pulp of citrus fruits. Pectasol binds to heavy metals deep inside cells, and is flushed out of the body through the urine. Call MedB ­ 965071745 for Pharmaceutical Grade Health Products

Thursday, April 17, 2014

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Focus on San Miguel STRIKE A BARGAIN WITH ALLIANZ No matter where you are, or what you are doing, life will always have its little hiccups. So it’s good to know that help is only a phone call away. Allianz Seguros is one of the leading companies in the country’s insurance market. Geli Perez has been responsible for the branch in San Miguel de Salinas since 2004. Taking care of her clients, and offering them the best pos­ sible insurance solutions to suit their needs is of paramount importance to Geli. The products and services provided at Allianz cater for both personal and business needs offering flex­ ible life, motor, home, accident, health and dental insurance packages as it is vitally important to ensure that you and your family are covered. Allianz customer advisers work around the clock, providing emergency attention exactly when it is needed, even if travelling overseas. Geli is now offering up to 15% off a wide range of all insurance policies so why not pop in to see her today and discover how she can help safeguard your future.

MAKE YOURSELF A HAPPY HOME To get the best ideas on how to decorate your home, the only place to go is Cortinas Charlot in San Miguel. A family run busi­ ness for over 18 years Esther, the owner, offers a great variety and choice in bedlinen, curtains and soft furnishings for your home, with a free estimate provided on any item you require.

Cortinas Charlot also offer an onsite home service where Esther will visit your home, let you look through her great vari­ ety of fabrics, offer her advice on the various models of curtains available to dress up your home, and when your order is ready Esther will install your new curtains for you which is all included in her home service. For the next few weeks Cortinas Charlot is offering a 20% discount on all in­store stock and 10% off on all curtain orders. Cortinas Charlot is open from 9.30am to 2pm then 4.30pm to 8.30pm Monday to Friday and 9.30am to 2pm on Saturdays. So why not go along to Cortinas Charlot and view the special selection of curtains on sale and grab yourself a bargain!

Smart Furniture Solutions are - The San Miguel Second Hand Warehouse San Miguel de Salinas Second Hand Warehouse, second hand quality used Furniture Outlet was reopened in February 2014. Jamie the new owner who is originally from Leicester, moved to Spain with his family over 20 years ago, and has been in this line of work for many years. With clients from all nation­ alities looking for a bargain, San Miguel Second Hand Warehouse boasts an excellent choice in new and second hand furniture, white goods, quality beds, and various other house­ hold furnishings. Jamie deals in total House Clearances and also buys individual items. There is also a Free local delivery service available. So why not pay the newly revamped San Miguel Second Hand Warehouse a visit and pick yourself a bar­ gain. The Warehouse is open Mondays to Fridays from 10am to 6pm and on Saturdays 10am to 2pm. For more information or a no obligation quote telephone Jamie on 662 395 756.

TICKLING THE TASTE BUDS Ian and Roxy, owners of The New Tavern Bar and Restaurant in San Miguel have been in business for over 3 years and have totally revamped the restaurant. The menu has been completely overhauled and they now offer Sunday Lunches, Pie Nights, and Steak Nights on Wednesday and Friday. On Saturday Nights there is the Meat Special which is all you can eat for only 10 Euros per person. That’s all in addition to many other varied dishes, with something on the menu to suit all tastes. An Auction is now held every Thursday at The New Tavern, with viewings taking place from 9am and the Auction starting at 1pm. Entertainment is avail­ able every Wednesday and Friday evening from 9pm, and on Saturday Night there is Karaoke with Joanne and Alison start­ ing at 9pm. The New Tavern Bar and Restaurant in San Miguel also provide a Pick Up and Drop of Service which is available to all clients. To reserve a table Tel: 966 194 121

Montessori - the start that counts for every child The San Miguel Montessori School offers a high quality bilingual education to children aged two to six in a bright and happy environment.

Dr. Maria Montessori dedicated her life to education and is responsible for major changes in education methods made over the past 100 years.

Children are taught academic skills individually or in very small groups. They are prepared for English, Spanish or bilin­ gual primary education and one child’s progress is not com­ pared to another’s but to his/her own personal progress.

Children experiencing a positive learning experience will continue to enjoy education throughout their lives.

The school also celebrates birthdays in a very original way with the Montessori Birthday Celebration (4 to 8 years), more details tel 966723797 and 692140969.

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Focus on San Miguel A DREAM COME TRUE Property Salespana is your professional Inmobiliaria/Estate agent here on the Costa Blanca, and we are after helping you to find your perfect home in the sun in this area!

Property Salespana is run by the experienced duo of Barry Miles and Glyn Horsfall, who also have a Spanish speaking team behind them to get that special deal sorted out for you.

Jose Anguita Castillo is their Fincas expert who will help you in every step of the way in buying your dream home, and that means from start to finish so that you can enjoy a better qual­ ity of life here in Spain. We also urgently need properties for sale in all parts of the region, due to many enquiries from waiting buyers.

The Food Cupboard is always full….

The Food Cupboard is situated in the High Street of San Miguel de Salinas ­ directly opposite the Guardia Civil.

It has been open for 2 1/2 years and benefits from being a family run business. A small but very friendly supermarket, it stocks all your favourites including McVities, Kenco, Yorkshire Tea, Vitaminas, Bisto, Sharwoods and Weetabix to name but a few – plus fresh produce such as milk, Cravendale, cheese, fresh farm eggs, butter, cream, etc. There is also a wide vari­ ety of cakes and biscuits to satisfy the sweetest cravings.

Other services include greetings cards; English newspa­ pers and magazines; jewellery gifts; UK postal service (Royal Mail); mobile phone top­ups and unlocking; laptop and mobile phone repairs. A home delivery service, And if they don’t have what you want, they’ll try to source it for you. Opening hours are Mon­Fri 9am to 7pm; Sat and Sun 9am to 2pm. All types of English meats now available. Easter Eggs now in stock.

A BETTER VIEW Satellites Direct provides High Quality Television with NO monthly payments. A family run business trading for over 5 years, opened a new Showroom in San Miguel one year ago and has gone from strength to strength. So much so that Nigel, the owner, who has been in the Satellite TV business for over 30 years, is considering opening another two shops in the near future. Nigel offers all types of systems, for all countries, at very competitive prices. The new Showroom based at La Ronda Oeste in San Miguel is well worth a visit where Nigel will give you all the information you require on the satellite systems he has on display and will advise which one would best suit your needs. Satellites Direct provide an excellent back up service and guarantees all installation work using the best qual­ ity products including famaval high dishes and twin black ultra high gain LNB. The showroom is open from 10am Monday to Friday. Satellites Direct cover all areas from Alicante to Cartegena and can also be found at Zoco Market on Sundays.

VISIT LA VISTA La Vista Bar has had a fabulous make over and you can find it on the San Miguel ring road roundabout on Plaza Juan Carlos. The owners, Debbie and Anthony Wright, along with daughter Bianca will give you a warm welcome, which will make you want to return time and again! The kitchen is open daily from 10am to 9pm. A Menu del Dia/Noche is available at only 7.90€ for 3 courses with a wide choice of Starter, Main Course and Dessert. Sunday Lunches start from 6.95€ for one course, with a choice of Beef, Lamb, Chicken or Pork.

You can try out the new La Vista Platter starting from only 10.95 Euros for 2 people, or the famous La Vista burgers available from 6.95 Euros. Diners can enjoy their food in the bar outside on their sunny terrace, or on the cosy mezzanine level for a more intimate experience. It’s this quality at rea­ sonable prices which have got people in the town talking!

For reservations Tel. 655 267 790

A CHANGE OF A DRESS • Ladies Boutique & Dress Agency based in San Miguel (opposite the Nut house Bar) • Still in business after 6 years (run successfully by Lisa) with regular clientele • Sell good quality items in sizes 8­22 • Shoes, bags, special occasion and evening wear always wanted, especially for the cruise girls, who come in every year looking for that special dress to take on their summer cruise.

• From High Street to High Fashion, you name it Change of a Dress are sure to have it.

• From a Bit of Bling to a Diamond Ring, in­house jewellers Bryant and Sons buy and sell gold and silver jewellery.

• Lisa is always available to help clients choose that spe­ cial outfit.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

TASTY EASTER TREATS

Mothership Sunday roast lamb Method Roast shoulder of lamb gives you the most tender, sweet, delicious meat that just falls off the bone – it's definitely my favourite cut of lamb for roasting. Cooked in this way, you can get everything you want for a good price, feed six people, and have loads of leftovers. Keep the bones and any spare mint sauce for later recipes too.

Preheat the oven to 170°C/325°C/gas 3. In a pestle and mortar, bash 4 peeled garlic cloves, half the rosemary leaves and a pinch of salt and pepper into a paste, then muddle in a good lug of oil. Stab the lamb ten times, then stick your finger in each hole and massage the marinade in and all over. Peel and quarter the onions and place in a snug­fitting roasting tray (this is important), with the lamb on top. Add 50ml of water, cover tightly with tin foil and cook for 3 hours. Remove the foil, pour away all the fat (save as dripping – see page 158 of Save with Jamie) and add another 200ml of water to the tray. Cook for 1 hour more, or until the meat falls away from the bone, adding another good splash of water, if it starts to dry out.

Meanwhile, peel the potatoes, halving any larger ones, and parboil in a large pan of boiling salted water for 12 min­ utes. Drain and shake to fluff up, then tip into a roasting tray.

Strip in the rest of the rosemary leaves, drizzle with oil, bash and add the remaining unpeeled garlic cloves, and toss with salt and pepper. Place in the oven under the lamb tray for the final 1½ hours. With 20 minutes to go, pick and very finely chop the mint leaves, scrape into a small jug and mix with the sugar, vinegar and 1 tablespoon of boiling water. Chop the bacon and cook in a large frying pan on a medium heat until

Ingredients 1 bulb of garlic 1 bunch of fresh rosemary (30g) olive oil 1 x 2.5 kg shoulder of lamb, bone in 3 onions 1.5 kg potatoes 1 bunch of fresh mint (30g) 1 teaspoon golden caster sugar 3 tablespoons white wine vinegar 4 rashers of higher­welfare smoked streaky bacon 1 large Savoy cabbage 1 tablespoon plain flour 500 g frozen peas golden. Trim, roughly slice and throw in the cabbage with a splash of water, cook for 10 to 15 minutes, or until softened, then season to perfection.

Remove the lamb from the oven, transfer to a platter and cover. Put the tray on a medium heat on the hob and stir in the flour, then pour in 600ml boiling water and any lamb rest­ ing juices. Stir well and simmer until you're happy with the consistency. Pour the gravy into a jug, or if you prefer it smooth, pour and push it through a sieve first. Quickly blanch the peas in a pan of boiling water for a couple of minutes, then drain. Serve everything in the middle of the table, with all the usual trimmings.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Whole baked salmon in salt Baking salmon in a thick layer of salt not only looks incredible, but you’ll end up with the most perfectly cooked fish.

Method Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F/gas 4. Wash the salmon well both inside and out, then pat dry with kitchen paper (leaving the scales on helps to keep in the moisture as it cooks).

Finely slice 1 lemon and the fennel into rounds and stuff

into the salmon cavity with the parsley, marjoram and chives.

Combine the rock salt, eggs and 250ml of water in a large bowl, then evenly spread one­third of the salt over a large baking tray (roughly 35cm x 45cm), making a slight hollow in the middle to hold the salmon snugly. Lay the salmon

Ingredients 1 x 3 kg whole salmon, gutted, gills removed, scales left on 4 lemons 2 fennel bulbs ½ a bunch of fresh­flat leaf parsley ½ a bunch of fresh marjoram ½ a bunch of fresh chives 4 kg rock salt 2 large free­range eggs For the basil mayo: 1 large free­range egg yolk 1 teaspoon English mustard 500 ml extra virgin olive oil 1 bunch of fresh basil, leaves picked For the chilli salsa: 1 fresh red chilli, deseeded ½ a bunch of fresh mint, leaves picked extra virgin olive oil white wine vinegar sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

diagonally into the tray, then spoon over the remaining salt mixture, heaping it around and onto the salmon so that it's evenly covered – you should have a layer of salt, roughly 2cm thick, all over the salmon. Place the tray in the hot oven for around 40 minutes, or until cooked through. To test if the salmon is ready, push a skewer through the salt into the thickest part of the fish – if it comes out warm after 5 seconds, it's done.

Meanwhile, make the basil mayo. Place the egg yolk and mustard into a bowl, then gradually add the extra virgin olive oil, whisking as you go until silky smooth. Bash the basil leaves in a pestle and mor­ tar, then muddle in a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil until you have a smooth paste.

Push the paste through a fine sieve into the mayo, then stir to combine and have a taste, adding a squeeze of lemon juice or a splash of vinegar if need­ ed, then set aside.

To make the salsa, finely chop the chilli and mint leaves, then place into a bowl with 1½ tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil and

1 teaspoon of vinegar.

Season to taste with salt and pepper, then set aside.

Once cooked, remove the salmon from the oven and allow to cool for around 20 minutes, then with the tip of a knife, carefully slice into the salt, cutting all the way along the salmon spine, being careful not to slice into the fish at this point.

Gently lift the salt casing off the salmon, then spoon away and discard the remaining salt, brushing away any excess from the top of the salmon.

Transfer the fish to a large platter, then score the skin along the spine, across the tail and under the gill and peel back the skin.

Divide up the salmon and serve with the basil mayo, chilli salsa and lemon wedges for squeezing over.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Hot cross buns Chocolate Easter egg cupcakes

Ingredients For the buns • 625g/1.3lb strong white flour, plus extra for dusting • 1 tsp salt • 2 tsp ground mixed spice • 45g/1.5 oz unsalted butter, cut into cubes, plus extra for greasing • 85g/3oz sugar • 1 lemon, zest only • 1½ tsp fast­action yeast • 1 free­range egg • 275ml/10fl oz tepid milk • 125g/4oz mixed dried fruit For the topping • 2 tbsp plain flour • vegetable oil, for greasing • 1 tbsp golden syrup, gently heated, for glazing

Preparation method

1. For the buns, sieve the flour, salt and ground mixed spice into a large mixing bowl, then rub in the butter using your fingertips.

Make a well in the centre of the mixture, then add the sugar and lemon zest and yeast.

2. Beat the egg and add to the flour with the tepid milk. Mix together to a form a soft, pliable dough.

3. Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured work surface. Carefully work the mixed dried fruit into the dough until well combined.

Knead lightly for 5 minutes, or until smooth and elastic.

4. Grease a large, warm mixing bowl with butter. Shape the dough into a ball and place it into the prepared bowl, then cover with a clean tea towel and set aside in a warm place for one hour to prove.

5. Turn out the proved dough onto a lightly floured work surface and knock back the dough. Shape it into a ball again and return it to the bowl, then cover again with the tea

Cupcakes are always popular with kids ­ big and small! These are made with deli­ cious chocolate and topped with a creamy butter icing, a sprinkle of chocolate and a couple of chocolate eggs ­ just in case you haven't had enough chocolate already!

Ingredients: towel and set aside for a further 30 minutes to rise.

6. Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured work surface and divide it into 12 equal pieces. Roll each piece into a ball, then flat­ ten slightly into a bun shape using the palms of your hands. Cover the buns again with the tea towel and set aside to rest for 5­10 min­ utes.

7. Grease a baking tray with butter and transfer the buns to the tray. Wrap the tray with the buns on it loosely in greaseproof paper, then place inside a large polythene bag. Tie the end of the bag tightly so that no air can get in and set aside in a warm place for a further 40 minutes to rise.

8. Preheat the oven to 240C/475F/Gas 8.

9. Meanwhile, for the topping, mix the plain flour to a smooth paste with 2 table­ spoons of cold water.

10. When the buns have risen, remove the polythene bag and the greaseproof paper.

Spoon the flour mixture into a piping bag and pipe a cross on each bun.

11. Transfer the buns to the oven and bake for 8­12 minutes, or until pale golden­ brown. As soon as you remove the buns from the oven, brush them with the hot gold­ en syrup, then set aside to cool on a wire rack.

• • • • • • •

80g dark chocolate, chopped 125g unsalted butter, chopped 1 cup caster sugar ½ cup (125mL) milk ½ cup plain flour ½ cup self raising flour 1 egg

• • • •

100g icing sugar 15g cocoa powder 60g unsalted butter, softened 20ml milk

Icing

Decoration • 1 x Cadbury Flake • little Easter eggs

Method: Preheat oven to 170°C. Place cupcake papers in a 12­hole muffin tray. Place the chocolate, butter, caster sugar and milk in a large saucepan over low heat. Stir occasion­ ally until smooth, then cool 15 minutes.

Sift flours into chocolate mixture and whisk to combine, whisk in egg. Pour mix­ ture evenly into paper cases.

Bake for 30 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the middle of the cupcake

comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.

Icing

Cream butter until pale and smooth. Add the milk and half the sifted icing sugar and cocoa powder. Beat until well combined. Add the remaining icing sugar mixture and beat until mixture is light and fluffy. The mixture should be a spreadable paste; if it is too dry add some more milk, if too wet add more icing sugar.

Decoration Spread each cupcake with a tablespoon of icing. Crush the Flake and sprinkle each cupcake with a little. Decorate with Easter eggs.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

The Vista Card is gathering apace across the Costa Blanca, and if you don’t have one, then you’re going to miss out on a bumper collection of offers and promotions across a whole range of shops and businesses in the area.

When you go to a participating business, ask them what the Vista Card can do for you with the current special deals. The Vista Card logo will be on display on the doors and windows of the ever increasing list of participating venues, which will also include discounts on dining out.

Ask about getting a card at the various businesses, and you can start to spend and save!

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

LUNCHING LADIES

The ’Ladies Who Lunch’ charity group had their April get­together at Rayz Bar on the El Raso Urbanisation, Guardamar. They man­ aged to raise 176 Euros, which included a donation from The Ginger Bread Man in Quesada for their book exchange scheme.

The group meet on the first Wednesday of

each month at 2.00 pm at various locations across the area, and they raise money for the Paul Cunningham nurses, amongst a variety of local charities. Pictured are two happy members, Jose Caunce and Carmel Eaton at the end of the latest meal. For more details, contact Janine on 966 261 359.

GROUP GIVES

The Campoverde Theatre Group are con­ tinuing to hand out the proceeds from their recent Robinson Crusoe panto, with 250 Euros recently being donated to the Reach Out charity in Torrevieja. The group’s next

production is a musical called I’m Free based on the TV comedy, Are You Being Served. Some key roles still need to be filled, and so if you want to join in the fun, call Tony 966 182 415.

PLAZA POWER Cantabile celebrates

There’s a musical celebration of St. George’s Day coming up this Wednesday April 23rd at La Siesta Church, Torrevieja, with the Cantabile female voice choir per­

Nearly 1 thousand Euros was raised by kind­hearted customers and business own­ ers around the Villamartin Plaza last Saturday in a special day organised by Maria and the Pink Ladies in aid of the AECC Contra El Cancer charity. A full day of free entertainment, which had been put together by the Soul Power bass guitarist, Lionel Sardena, pulled in the crowds helped by some excellent weather. It’s been a busy time for the Pink Ladies, with Maria Wilson picking up a donation of 1012 Euros from the

La Siesta Golf Society at the Campoamor Golf Club which will help with the AECC’s early screening programme. This Saturday (April 19th), the annual Bike for Life event will be staged in Mil Palmeras, with every­ body cycling a 5 kilometre course, which starts and finishes at JP’s bar. The fun starts at 10.30am, and you can use your own bike or hire one for 5 Euros, which The Family Bike Hire Company will donate to the AECC. For more details on the event, call Graham on 603 161 664.

It’s full steam ahead for the final stretch of rehearsals for the latest production from the Cardenal Belluga Theatre Group which hits gypsy temptresses, Luciana and Marta, the stage next month. Be My Guest will be playfully mug the hapless Daniel. All ends performed at the theatre in San Fulgencio happily when the wily flamenco artiste turns on Friday May 16th, with all the proceeds the tables on the artful tinkers! going to local charities. Tickets, which are

priced at 6 Euros are available from 3 loca­ tion in La Marina, namely the Tourist Office; the Butterfly Children Charity shop; and from Cards & More. In addition, tickets can be bought from The Card Shop in Benimar, or pre­booked by calling Maria on 966 715 891.

forming a mixture of sacred, classical and traditional songs. The concert starts at 7.30pm with free admission along with a retiring collection.

THE HAPPY MUGGERS

BE MY AUDIENCE

Raquel Pena’s celebrated flamenco artistes entertained some large crowds at Zenia Boulevard on Monday. The highlight of the show was a nail­biting finale in which

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

New shop hits the mark

BON VOYAGE! A Benimar couple are off for a week on the ocean wave as they won a Mediterranean Cruise as part of a big fund­raiser for the Elche Children’s Home. Paul and Karen Buckley hit the jackpot to win the top raffle prize in a Barbecue Afternoon organised by the Smile Charity Group in association with the El Alto La Dolores Restaurant in Guardamar.

Restaurant owner, Andres, donated the cruise, with the afternoon raising 520 Euros for the home. And he’s got another one up his sleeve as a first prize in the next Smile fund­ raiser at the restaurant on Wednesday April 23rd, with the proceeds going to Reach Out. Entertainment will be provided by Woody and Benny, with tickets costing just 10 Euros(including a 2 course meal) available from the restaurant as well as the Post Room in Benijófar and The Card Place in Benimar.

SHANI’S DONATION

The latest charity shop for the Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre in Rojales is proving to be a success with brisk business in their La Marina store on Avda. Londres next door to Cuts R Us. The new store is bristling with all kinds of bargains including fresh stocks of clothes, bedding, and bric a brac, with regu­ lar stock changes during the week. The shop, managed by Anne, is looking for vol­ unteers who can help her out, and the char­ ity is also looking for helpers for their recent­ ly revamped outlet in Guardamar. If you are

interested, call the manager Shelly on 652 512 147.

Meanwhile, the Centre in Rojales is stag­ ing an Easter flavoured open day, with enter­ tainment provided by the TAABS (The Torrevieja Association of Amateur Balladeers Singers) with a selection of toe tapping tunes for everybody to enjoy. The first tour of the facilities begins at 2pm where you can get close to, and meet the 70 plus resident hors­ es including the new 4 week old foal. Gates open at 1pm and entry is free of charge.

REACHING OUT

Torrevieja’s homeless charity, Reach Out, has got a 300 Euro boost from the La Siesta Evangelical Church. Reach Out helps around 80 local homeless people as well as 35 families who are finding it difficult to make ends meet. The homeless people are offered a breakfast and lunch at the chari­ ty’s drop­in centre from a charity kitchen run in collaboration with another local charity, El Refugio. The homeless people are also offered the chance to have a shower, have their clothes washed and dried and are

given food and basic provisions. Often, their own clothing is in bad condition or unsuitable for living and sleeping rough so Reach Out also provides good quality sec­ ond hand clothing for the homeless.

Pictured are (L­R) Esther Henssler (Reach Out Secretary), Moira Doonan, Jack Doonan, Lynn Young (also a volunteer with Reach Out) from La Siesta Evangelical Church Fellowship committee, together with John Thompson (Treasurer of Reach Out).

Local singer Shani Ormiston has recorded a new single, with all the proceeds going to the vic­ tims of last year’s typhoon disaster in the Philippines. In conjunc­ tion with producer, Manuel Ortega, “Fill a Heart with Hope” is avail­ able to download from iTunes for 99 cents whilst her new CD album, will see all the proceeds going to the disaster fund via the Torrevieja Costa Lions Club.

Teddy’s waiting for you!

If you like finding treasure, then Bar Sofia on the El Raso Urbanisation, Guardamar is the place for you this Easter Monday (April 21st). The team there have plenty of it for you to find from 11.00am, and it’s all in aid of the Elche Children’s Home. There’ll be 20 items to uncover, as well as 10 “specials” with special prizes attached to each of them!

It’ll cost 2 Euros each to register on the day, with the sponsors Ibex Insurance providing a free shopping bag and metallic sun shade for your car. The event is suitable for all ages, all on a flat surface meaning easy access for everybody. As you can see from the photo, TEDDY is waiting to take part and he will be one of the prizes!

TOP TABLES

Lions help San Miguel

The needy of the San Miguel area are to get all the profits from next Thursday’s concert in Torrevieja promoted by the Torrevieja Costa Lions Club. The Lions unanimously decided to make the donation to the Vecinos De San Miguel Archangel to recognise the excellent work that the Vecinos do to help those most IN need around San Miguel de Salinas.

The concert, in the Teatro Muncipal starting at 7.30pm, fea­ tures JB Brass and the Barbershop Harmonisers. Tickets are priced at 5 Euros and can be bought at the Teatro Municipal box office, situated in the Plaza at the front of the theatre, or alternatively online at www.instanticket.es .

A table­top sale boosted the Help Murcia Mar Menor coffers by 339 Euros recently in an event organised by the charity’s Friendship Group at Lui’s lounge at Caravan Camping, San Javier. The next meeting for

the group sees them booked in for lunch at the Asia restaurant, San Javier on Friday May 9th, starting at 1.00pm. New members are more than welcome, and ring Doreen on 637 920 882 for more details.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 The right moment to ask for a raise or apply for a promotion or new job could come your way today, but you'd better make use of it or the opportunity could pass you by. A chance for a romantic encounter or fun evening with friends could also come up.

Whatever pleasant things arise today aren't sure things, Aries, so don't let them escape. They could be significant mile­ stones for you.

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 Love and romance are definitely on the agenda for today, Taurus, and you should be feeling warm, passionate, and particularly sexy. You're likely to be looking quite attrac­ tive, too, and romantic partners or potential partners could seem especially attractive to you. This is a wonderful day to shop for new clothes, have your hair styled, or prepare a candlelit dinner for someone very special

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 A friend or family member could be feeling rather grim, taciturn, and not open to com­ munication. He or she could have you won­ dering if you've done something wrong, or they're angry with you. If you use your warmth and generosity of spirit to induce this person to open up, Gemini, you'll prob­ ably find that the issues have nothing to do with you. You might even help relieve them!

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 A warm, loving phone call or letter could come your way today from a lover or close friend who's presently out of town.

You'll wish with all your heart that he or she could be home! In the meantime, you're likely to keep yourself quite busy, Cancer. Creative projects, activities in your community, or both could keep you too busy to miss anyone too much.

Tonight, spend some time alone.

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 Today you could discover a talent for investment, real estate, or other form of money management that you never thought you had, Leo. The opportunity to make an investment or cash in on one could enable you to take strides toward making your money grow. This might be a good time to buy or sell any type of prop­ erty. You might also want to do some read­ ing on future investment opportunities.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 You might wake up today feeling a little grumpy and out of sorts, Virgo. You could aspire to nothing more strenuous than spending the day without any distractions other than a good book. However, by the middle of the day a warm and loving letter or phone call is likely to snap you out of your reclusive mood. You could spend the evening strolling through your com­ munity, visiting shops or restaurants.

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 Some pretty heavy soul searching could reveal that the time has come to make use of a talent you may have always had but never developed. This could involve nothing more than a little practice, or you could decide to get some formal training in the skill. This is a positive sign, Libra, but your determination could waver over the next few days.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 You're looking good and your social skills are at their peak, Scorpio. Therefore, social events and group activities that you might attend today could well be the most satisfy­ ing and beneficial you've known in a long time. People you meet should be impressed with you, and you could make a lot of new friends. If you aren't romantically involved now, a new love could come your way.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 Today you could find yourself brainstorm­ ing a way to put your inventiveness and ingenuity to work so that you can advance your career by leaps and bounds and increase your income. You could also become involved in artistic projects of some kind. Don't be surprised if great ideas come to you with little effort. You're very intuitive today, Sagittarius, so enjoy it

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 An intense study of philosophy, religion, or some other exalted school of thought could find you involved with a group that shares your interest in the subject. You could make a new friend today, or if you aren't currently romantically involved, meet a potential romantic partner. This should be a very satisfying day on both mental and emotional levels. Remember how it all came about, and enjoy yourself!

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 Sex and romance should be at the top of your priority list today, Aquarius. You should be feeling especially warm, loving, and pas­ sionate. Romantic novels and movies could be especially appealing, as could an inti­ mate evening with a lover! Career and money matters look fairly strong and stable at this time, although it might take a little effort to keep them that way. Go for the gold!

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 A lack of communication on the part of your mate or perhaps a business partner can cause you to feel uncertainty about the relationship. Don't fall into this trap, Pisces.

Use your warmth and understanding to open up the communication between you.

You'll probably find that all is basically well.

Your partner just needs some space. Take some space for yourself, too!

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Judith wanted to know how to stop Windows Live ADVICE: Max had received a suspicious email and wantMessenger from starting when she started her computer. ed advice on what to do.

Hi Richard, Every time I open my computer I get a pop up asking me to sign up for Windows Messenger which I do not want to do

Q

Dear Richard, I received the following e­mail in the Spam blocker section of my e­ mails. Unfortunately, I was so concerned about it, I opened the message. There appears to be no attachment. I phoned Lloyds to ask their opinion and they sug­ gested I suspend my internet link and clean my computer with a new firewall. I did not tell them that I do not have a computer and use my local library for my e­mails.

Q

Hi Judith, Windows Live Messenger is a popular instance message application, it’s not clear from your question whether you want to remove it totally or just stop it from popping up when Windows starts. In order to remove it completely you should do the follow­ ing…

A

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Click Start, Control Panel Click add/remove programs Click on Windows Live Essentials Click change/remove You will see an option to uninstall part of windows live messenger

…if you just want to stop it from loading when Windows starts do the following…

I enclose the message for your review.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

I have deleted this e­mail and a second similar one. I did enter my bank account immediately afterwards to check and no transactions had taken place. I would appreciate your comments on this. Regards, Max

Log in to Windows Live Messenger.

Click Tools Click Options Click on Sign In Uncheck “Start Windows Messenger when I log on to my computer”.

Click OK.

…that should sort it out for you.

ADVICE: Jim had forgotten his Hotmail password and wanted to reset it.

Hi, I have forgot­ ten my Hotmail password, is there any way that I can get it back?

Q

Hi Jim, as long as you know the other “security” informa­ tion related to your account then yes you can, you need to go to the web­ site address https://account.live.com /resetpassword.aspx and complete the steps, that will enable you to reset your password.

A

A

Hi Max, the message is exactly what you suspected, it’s a scam, the link in the message will attempt to get you to enter your real banking information so that the scammer can access your account themselves. Banks will never email you with instructions in this way and any email that you believe to be suspicious, especially emails marked as spam, should be deleted. With regards to any action to take, if you clicked on the link in the message and entered your banking details then you should immediately contact Lloyds and tell them this – it sounds like you didn’t from your email. Other than that, relax, keep a close eye on your account for suspicious activity, but I suspect that everything is fine; you seem not to have compromised your Internet banking security.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twit­ ter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page. office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Volvo creates Inflatable Child Seat Volvo is a brand famously associated with safety, so let’s hope its latest effort doesn’t turn out to be a load of hot air: the Swedish brand has come up with a concept for an inflatable children’s car seat.

Called the Volvo Inflatable Child Seat Concept, this does exactly what it says on the tin – it’s a child seat that instead of being made of rigid material can be deflated and folded away for easy car­ riage when not required.

Noting that “children’s car seats are historically bulky, hard to move and tedious to mount,” Volvo says its new rear­facing inflatable alternative weighs just 5kg – half the weight of an equivalent conventional model.

The concept was the work of the design manager at the Volvo Monitoring and Concept Center in Los Angeles, Lawrence Abele, who drew experience from travelling with two toddlers: “For me child safety is always the number one priority, and when we live abroad with two toddlers we had to haul bulky

child seats through airports and then into taxis. For many, travelling with young children is a challenge; any assistance to simplify the parents’ life with young children is a great thing.”

The concept seat, which can easily be carried in a back­ pack, inflates in just 40 seconds using a built­in “silent and efficient” pump. This can also deflate the chair again after use.

It also has built­in Bluetooth with “a wide range of fea­

tures”, including the ability to receive a remote inflation command.

The Volvo Inflatable Child Seat Concept is made from a special “drop­ stitch” fabric that is very strong once inflated, thanks to its ability to withstand very high internal pressure.

The material is currently used in the boating industry, but was “originally developed by the military in an effort to develop inflatable airplanes,” according to project manager, Maria Hansson.

The idea is only at the prototype stage so far, but marks the 50th anniver­ sary of Volvo Car Group’s dedication to child safety, begin­ ning with the world’s first rear­facing child seat prototype in 1964.

Along the way, the firm has also developed the booster seat – in no less than three guises: stand­alone (1976), built­ in (1990) and two­stage (2007) – and the world’s first rear­ facing ISOFIX child seat (1999).

That’s quite a track record. But what do you think – would you trust your child to an inflatable car seat?

The Land Rover you can drive with your phone Discovery Vision Concept is making its debut at this week's New York motor show.

Land Rover is yet to confirm which elements of the technology we are likely to see on the production version of the new Discovery or Freelander replacement, which will go on sale in 2015.

Land Rover has revealed a concept car that you can drive with your phone. The Discovery Vision Concept, which is being shown at this week's New York motor show, previews how the Discovery replacement will look, as well as several new technologi­ cal breakthroughs.

Chief among these is the ability to control the vehicle at very low speeds via a smart­ phone, if a driver is attempting to navigate difficult terrain and needs to get out of the car, for example.

There's also Transparent Bonnet technol­ ogy, which allows the driver to "see" under the car via a Head­Up display on the wind­ screen, plus infrared sensors in the foglights that scan the ground ahead, map the terrain and display the imagery on a screen inside the car.

Bringing all of this together, along with

features such as Hill Descent Control and low­speed steering assist, is Land Rover's Terrain Response system.

However, it's not just the off­roading func­ tions that are of interest. The Discovery Vision Concept also uses augmented reality to create what Land Rover calls "smart glass".

The idea is that the glass itself can display imagery, like a computer screen, while oth­ erwise being completely transparent. This means that, working in conjunction with eye­ tracking sensors, it can display information on surroundings based on what the occu­ pants of the vehicle are looking at. Gaze at a passing landmark, for example, and the vehicle can tell you what it is and how to get there. Swiping the window can then send this information to a smartphone or tablet.

The panoramic sunroof, meanwhile, can be used to display screen­ savers, such as a starry night sky. And speaking of night, the Discovery Vision Concept features head­ lights with laser diodes and LEDs, and will automatical­ ly dip just the relevant part of the light when they sense oncoming traffic.The aim, says Land Rover, is to avoid dazzling oncoming traffic while maintaining vis­ ibility for the driver.

The Land Rover

The launch of the new vehicles also ties in with the original Discovery’s 25th anniver­ sary. Under Land Rover’s plans it will sit in one of three distinct pillars, likely to be known as “leisure” alongside the new Defender (“dual purpose”) and Range Rover (“luxury”) models.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 24 represents D and 7 represents J, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1/6 Paid killer (3,3) 3 Yellow alloy (5) 6 See 1 8 Sincere (7) 9 Likes very much (5) 10 Collect (5) 11 Admit (7) 12 Intensify (6) 14 Be owned by (6) 17 Stark (7) 19 Kid (5) 21 Giraffe­like animal (5) 22 Guiding (7) 23 Owed (3) 24 Robes (5) 25 Consume (3)

1 Carrion­feeding carnivore (5) 2 Patio (7) 3 Sanctify (5) 4 Raid (6) 5 Quietness (7) 6 Motion picture (5) 7 Sum of money saved for the future (4,3) 12 Precious stone (7) 13 Nightfall (7) 15 Opening (7) 16 Bawl (6) 18 Divide (5) 19 Category (5) 20 Finger (5)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Site, 3 Sensible, 9 Release, 10 Bells, 11 Specs, 12 Permit, 14 Edible, 16 Uganda, 19 Closed, 21 Scare, 24 Queue, 25 Edifice, 26 Assorted, 27 Mess.

Down: 1 Stressed, 2 Tilde, 4 Exempt, 5 Sober, 6 Bullion, 7 Easy, 8 Damsel, 13 Careless, 15 Illness, 17 Gossip, 18 Adhere, 20 Swear, 22 Arise, 23 Aqua.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Possibly anger a former American president (6) 4 Deputy at clock centre sounds hesitant (5) 8 Stop a container loading sulphur (5) 9 Comments about Antony and Twain (7) 10 Colour seen in Mogadishu evening sky (3) 11 Plant from good seed (5) 12 Powder easing sores in hospital cases (4) 13 Symbol of decreasing significance (5) 15 Something of great value found in Cherub Yacht Club (4) 17 Musical locks (4) 18 A new array of a Victorian flower (5) 20 Furthermore, alas, lost a ring (4) 21 Three dimensional little animal I see (5) 24 American intelligence alternately in China (3) 25 Cooked beef, sir? No it’s a toy (7) 26 End reveals words of advice, as expected (5)

27 Cleaned out horrible stink (5) 28 True information about key parts of an insect’s eye (6) Down 1 About as certain to restore confidence (8) 2 Grant given to a section of a hospital (5) 3 In German, the melody for a song (6) 4 Determines I’m in anoth­ er list (6) 5 Fabulous bird returns to Fitzgerald with a parrot (7) 6 Pastimes held in the net­ work (4) 7 Environmentally sensi­ tive forerunner to super­ markets switches to fruit and veg (11) 14 Barmy fireworks (8) 16 Composer is in the mid­ dle of ‘Doorbell in Italy’ (7) 18 Still taking in Open University bachelor? For sure! (3,3) 19 Shrub Bill spies around area (6) 22 A couple get ready to take the strain (5) 23 Small amphibians in strange fest (4)

STANDARD CLUES 28 Diamond surfaces (6) Across Down 1 40th president of the USA 1 Comfort (8) (6) 2 Prize (5) 4 Doctor’s stand­in (5) 3 Rousing song (6) 8 Nautical term for stop (5) 4 Boundaries (6) 9 Comments (7) 5 White Australian cockatoo 10 Quality of a colour (3) (7) 11 Rush­like plant (5) 6 Material made of a network 12 Bathroom powder (4) of wire (4) 13 Less (5) 7 Retailer of fresh fruits and 15 Red gemstone (4) vegetables (11) 17 Head covering (4) 14 Thin, crisp, unsweetened 18 Australian river (5) biscuits (8) 20 As well (4) 16 Italian composer of operas 21 Three­dimensional solid (5) (1801­1835) (7) 24 US government agency (3) 18 That’s for sure (3,3) 25 Plastic disc for throwing (7) 19 Spiny shrub (6) 26 Come to an end (5) 22 Support beam (5) 27 Penniless (5) 23 Young newts (4) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Shadow, 4 Helped, 9 Academe, 10 Usurp, 11 Ebony, 12 Topside, 13 Hard pressed, 18 Leeches, 20 Urals, 22 Harry, 23 Migrate, 24 Add­ons, 25 Repeal.

Down: 1 Seamed, 2 Alamo, 3 One­eyed, 5 Equip, 6 Pauline, 7 Duplex, 8 Venturesome, 14 Averred, 15 Snuggle, 16 Althea, 17 As well, 19 Haydn, 21 Amaze.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Ail Ale Arm Ate Cep Dye Ere His Ire Rip Roe Sad Sap Sea Set Tow

4 letter words Able Adze Alit Area Arts Asks Asps Blue Cosh Deed Else Ewer Isle Laid Lame Long Mete

Oath Obey Oboe Peas Peat Pose Posy Rail Rasp Rest Rise Rune Sago Seer Sips Slut Soap Soar Some

Stoa This 5 letter words Boots Chips Costs Easel Emery Irony Koala Lists Manes Oiled Oozes Pants Penne Pilau Rodeo

Saint Salad Sated Stets Tapir Taste Topes 6 letter words Assail Hairdo Nestle Settee 8 letter words Annotate Bathroom Hypnosis Mirrored

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Spoons (8) 5 For (going to) (4) 9 Más temprano (7) 10 Garras (de animal) (5) 11 Cicatrices (5) 12 Raro (extraño) (7) 13 Ranura (hendedura) (6) 15 Pétalos (6) 18 Rosary (7) 20 Mud (5) 22 Swedish (f) (5) 23 Puddles (7) 24 Último (final) (4) 25 Morena (8)

Down 1 Ajedrez (5) 2 Nearby (7) 3 Goodbye (5) 4 A través de (6) 6 Otra vez (5) 7 Respuestas (a pregun­ tas, en examen, test) (7) 8 Escaso (6) 13 Sunflower (7) 14 Truth (6) 16 Albaricoque (7) 17 To snore (6) 19 Escalones (5) 20 Cerebro (5) 21 Western (side, part) (5)

37

Thursday, April 17, 2014 Across 1 Seal consisting of a ring for packing pistons or seal­ ing a pipe joint (6) 4 Surname of German­ born English astronomer (1738­1822) who discovered infrared light and who cata­ logued the stars and discov­ ered the planet Uranus (8) 10 Safety restraints in automobiles that inflate on collision and prevent the drivers or passengers from being thrown forward (3,4) 11 Chemical element of atomic number 35, a dark red fuming toxic liquid with a choking, irritating smell (7) 12 First name of Australian champion swim­ mer Fraser, British comedi­ an French and British MP for Bristol South Primarolo (4) 13 Toy building large enough for children to play in named after a character in J M Barrie’s play Peter Pan (5,5) 15 Waterproof jacket, typ­ ically with a hood, of a kind originally used in polar regions (6) 16 American romantic comedy film released in 2001 starring Reese

Witherspoon as a sorority girl who struggles to win back her ex­boyfriend by earning a law degree: ­­­­­­­ Blonde (7) 20 American Vietnam War film written and directed by Oliver Stone starring Tom Berenger (Sergeant Barnes), Willem Dafoe (Sergeant Elias) and Charlie Sheen (Chris Taylor) that won the Academy Award for Best Picture of 1986 (7) 21 Low, soft felt hat with a curled brim and the crown creased lengthways (6) 23 Long­winged seabird related to the petrels, often flying low over the surface of the water far from land (10) 25 Resident lexicographer and adjudicator on Channel 4's long­running game show Countdown: Susie ­­­­ (4) 27 Mexican dish consist­ ing of a tortilla rolled round a savoury filling, typically of minced beef or beans (7) 28 English all­girl group whose initial line­up consist­ ed of sisters Easther and Vernie Bennett, Kéllé Bryan and Louise Nurding (7) 29 Remaining after the greater part or quantity has

SUDOKU (Very easy)

Quiz Word

gone (8) 30 Syrupy blackcurrant liqueur produced mainly in Burgundy (6)

Down 1 British national daily newspaper founded in Manchester in 1821: The ­­­­ ­­­­ (8)

2 Unofficial ballot con­ ducted as a test of opinion (5,4) 3 According to the Bible, the elder of the twin sons of Isaac and Rebecca, who sold his birthright to his brother Jacob and was tricked out of his father's blessing by his brother (4) 5 Attached (a journalist) to a military unit during a conflict (8) 6 Person supposed to be able to foresee the future (10) 7 Japanese poem of 17 syllables, in three lines of five, seven, and five, tradi­ tionally evoking images of the natural world (5) 8 Feudal lord entitled to allegiance and service (5) 9 Official in a law court whose duties include swear­ ing in jurors and witnesses and keeping order (5) 14 British television quiz show where the contestants face two rounds of ques­ tions, one on a specialised subject of the contestant's choice, the other a general knowledge round (10) 17 British radio pro­ gramme originally broadcast

on Saturday mornings, and then transmitted early Saturday evenings from 1998 by BBC Radio 4. It was hosted by Ned Sherrin until 2006, and has been hosted

by Clive Anderson and Peter Curran since 2007 (5,4) 18 Carbonated soft drink first produced in the USA by John Pemberton in 1886 (4­ 4) 19 First nuclear­powered submarine, launched in 1954 (8) 22 Song originally record­ ed by Little Willie John in 1956 that has been covered by many artists including Peggy Lee, Elvis Presley, McCoys, Madonna and Beyoncé (5) 23 Not affected by a chemical substance, espe­ cially alcohol (5) 24 Basic monetary units of 18 of the 28 member states of the European Union (5) 26 American songwriter and singer known for her eclectic folk­inspired music, whose UK hit singles include Marlene On The Wall and Tom’s Diner: Suzanne ­­­­ (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

TIPOS DE CASA ­ TYPES OF HOUSES Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

el almacén

la casa de campo

el ático

la casa de playa

el edificio

la casa flotante

el piso

la casa rodante

el rascacielos

la casucha

la cabaña

la granja

la casa

la mansión

la casa adosada

tienda de campaña

music QUIZ

ANSEWRS 1. C) Silver 2. Level 42 3. A Spaniard In The Works 4. Apple Records 5. Barry White 6. Otis Redding / My Girl 7. 1969 (Summer Of 69) 8. Ashton, Gardner And Dyke 9. Celine Dion / My Heart Will Go On 10. The Ramones

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Soporific, 6 Scrap, 9 Airport, 10 Marquee, 11 Teller, 12 Bolivars, 14 Onyx, 15 Xenophobia, 18 Big Brother, 20 Smut, 23 Marmoset, 24 Handel, 26 Glacier, 27 Praline, 28 Alert, 29 Mercenary.

Down: 1 Smart bomb, 2 Parsley, 3 Rhodes, 4 Fats, 5 Commodores, 6 Straight, 7 Rhubarb, 8 Peers, 13 Kettledrum, 16 Artillery, 17 Arsonist, 19 Garbage, 21 Madeira, 22 Facade, 23 Magma, 25 Spur.

Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.el almacén, 2.el ático,

13.la casucha, 14.la granja,

h.the building, i.the farm,

3.el edificio, 4.el piso,

15.la mansión,

j.the tent, k.the terraced house,

5.el rascacielos, 6.la cabaña,

16.tienda de campaña.

l.the mobile home, m.the shack,

7.la casa, 8.la casa adosada,

a.the beach house,

n.the penthouse, o.the house,

9.la casa de campo,

b.the mansión, c.the cabin,

p.the boathouse.

10.la casa de playa,

d.the warehouse,

11.la casa flotante,

e.the country house,

12.la casa rodante,

f.the sky­scraper, g.the flat,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1d, 2n, 3h, 4g, 5f, 6c, 7o, 8k, 9e, 10a, 11p, 12l, 13m, 14i, 15b, 16j.

1. What Type Of Bullets Did Bob Seger Perform With A) Bronze, B) Blank, C) Silver?

2. Who Had A Hit In 1983 With 'The Chinese Way'?

3. What Was The Title Of John Lennons 2nd Book?

4. Mary Hopkin's 'Those Were The Days' & The Beatles 'Hey Jude' Were Early Hits For Which Label?

5. Who Reached No.1 With The Song 'You're The First The Last My Everything'?

6. Whose Debut Single Was A Cover Of A Smokey Robinson Tune And Former No.1 For The Temptations?

7. Which Year Did Bryan Adams Refer To In 1985?

8. Which 3 Surnames Name The Group Responsible For The Resurrection Shuffle?

9. When Radio 2 compiled A List Of Songs Of The 20th Century, Which 1998 Movie Theme Was The Highest Placed Song Of The 199 10. Which American Band Comprised Jeffrey Hyman , John Cummings, Douglas Colvin, & Tommy Erdelyi, Although All Were Known Pr

Fill It In

38

Thursday, April 17, 2014

TRELI ON THE TELLY PADDY’S DÉJÀ VU

with ALEX TRELINSKI You forget over the 10 months that it has not been on air, how entertaining Britain’s Got Talent is and how by far it is the most enjoyable of all the TV tal­ ent and reality shows, sim­ ply because it has some­ thing for everybody.

Last Saturday’s triumphant return for ITV’s coffers kicked off with a hilarious owl act that didn’t work (with some great expressions of com­ plete disinterest from the owl); a boy band with a differ­ ence; a German violinist with a dreadful song; a young opera singer, complete with a sob story; and a 79 year old British salsa dancer who lives here in Spain, on the Northern Costa Blanca in Gandia. I loved Paddy and

her partner Nico, who imme­ diately were put through into the live semi­finals, but I sadly have a big problem with them being there in the first place.

After hearing Paddy say that she lived in Spain, I decided to do some digging around to see if by any chance she came from our area, and I discovered that she and Nico are no strangers to TV shows. In fact, five years ago they took

away 100 thousand Euros by winning the hit TVE dancing programme, Tu Si Que Vales, which is still going strong on La Primera. They then took part in the Argentinian version of Strictly Come Dancing in 2010 (going a very long way in it), and they perform at salsa events all around the world.

I’m sure if Amanda Holden knew all that (along with the other judges, and perhaps even the producers), she might not have been as keen to use her Golden Ticket on them. BGT has to be about acts looking for a break who have never been on TV before, and much as I was charmed by Paddy and Nico, their appearance I’m afraid goes against what I feel is the spirit of the show.

This week’s edition of the always excellent Radio Times is drumming up support for the viewer vote category for next month’s BAFTA TV awards, and out of the different front cover options, I happened to get the one with Broadchurch) on it (Not bad at all!). The

q

viewers last year pulled an ace out of the pack and voted for Game of Thrones, which I’m delighted and not sur­ prised to say has already been booked for two further series. I’ll be reasonably cer­ tain in predicting a Broadchurch victory this time round with a lot more logic being shown by the Radio Times readers than the usual group of BAFTA idiots that pick the other nominations and the eventual winners. So we have the total lack of logic that Olivia Colman is nomi­ nated for best actress for Broadchurch, but amazingly David Tennant has been

snubbed in the best actor category. Conversely, Jamie Dornan has rightly been nominated for his eerie serial killer portrayal in The Fall, but crazily Gillian Anderson has been passed by in the female category! You can’t make it up, but I was pleased to see a few nods for the Channel Four drama, Southcliffe. Give me the National TV awards anytime where the viewers often get it absolutely cor­ rect, and the ratings are miles higher because every­ body knows the programmes as opposed to some obscure BAFTA­backed shows that nobody has ever seen.

Thusday April 17 00:05 The Michael McIntyre Chat Show 00:55 Scary Movie 4 02:10 Weatherview 02:15 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Saints and Scroungers 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Perfection 15:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 Parking Mad 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Life and Death Row

00:20 Watermen: A Dirty Business 01:20 See Hear

01:50 Horizon 02:50 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Saints and Scroungers 09:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 10:45 Gardeners' World 11:15 Animal Park 12:00 Ray Harryhausen: Special Effects Titan 13:35 Jason and the Argonauts 15:15 The Great British Bake Off 16:15 Planet Earth 17:15 Coast 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Escape to the Continent 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Digby Jones: The New Troubleshooter 22:00 Protecting Our Parents 23:00 Happy Birthday BBC Two 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 01:05 04:00 04:40 06:05 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 14:55 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 23:00 23:30 23:30 23:35

Baboons with Bill Bailey Jackpot247 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA ITV Nightscreen The Jeremy Kyle Show Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather ITV News Meridian Storage Hoarders Dickinson's Real Deal ITV Meridian Weather Tipping Point The Chase ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Tonight Emmerdale Ade at Sea The Walton Sextuplets at 30 ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV Meridian Weather ITV News Meridian Mercury Rising

PROTECTING OUR PARENTS 1/3. New series. There are more pensioners than children living in Britain and as the population gets older more pressure is being placed on the NHS and social services. This documentary fol­ lows teams in Birmingham dealing with older adults, charting cases over the course of a year from their perspective, as well as those they are caring for and their families.

00:20 Mayday: The Passenger Who Landed a Plane 01:15 Random Acts 01:20 Music on 4: Music Nation 01:50 California Dreamin' 04:25 Hills of Home 06:05 SuperScrimpers 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 Lent Diaries 21:00 Posh Pawn 22:00 15,000 Kids and Counting 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown

00:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:40 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:05 SuperCasino 04:10 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Play!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 Diagnosis Murder 16:20 The Front 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Cowboy Builders 22:00 Harold Shipman 23:00 Person of Interest

39

Friday April 18 00:35 The People's Portrait 01:35 Skiing Weatherview 01:40 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 Helicopter Heroes 10:45 Homes Under the Hammer 11:45 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:30 Saints and Scroungers 13:00 The Great North Passion 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:15 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:20 101 Dalmatians 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 17:45 Flog It! 18:45 Pointless 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC News 19:45 Weather 19:45 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 MasterChef 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Outnumbered 23:00 BBC News 23:15 National Lottery Update 23:15 BBC Regional News and Weather

00:20 Ian Hislop's Olden Days ­ The Power of the Past in Britain 01:20 The Review Show 02:20 Panorama 02:50 I Was There: The Great War Interviews 03:50 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Saints and Scroungers 09:15 The Travel Show 09:40 The Road to El Dorado 11:00 Skyrunners 12:30 Animal Park 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 King of Kings 16:35 Coast 17:35 Becoming Jane 19:30 Escape to the Continent 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Natural World 23:00 The Trip to Italy 23:30 QI

01:40 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:20 The Unforgettable 11:55 Tipping Point 13:00 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 13:25 Mystery Map 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:35 ITV News Meridian 14:40 Dickinson's Real Deal 15:45 Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone 18:35 The Chase 19:30 ITV News Meridian 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Weekend Escapes with Warwick Davis 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Lewis 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:14 ITV Meridian Weather 23:15 The Bourne Supremacy

00:05 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 01:05 One Born Every Minute 02:00 Random Acts 02:05 Food Prices: The Shocking Truth 03:00 Dead Famous DNA 03:55 Shop Secrets: 04:25 Dispatches 04:55 Unreported World 05:20 River Cottage Bites 05:40 SuperScrimpers 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 20:55 Lent Diaries 21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

NATURAL WORLD Although barely a foot tall, the honey badger has a reputation as one of the most fearless animals in the world, attacking just about anything from ven­ omous snakes to adult lions. This documentary fol­ lows a scientist, a beekeeper and a conservationist in South Africa as they set out to discover if the creature is really as fearsome as it is made out to be.

23:20 The Graham Norton Show

00:00 Gypsies on Benefits & Proud 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Play!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Gadget Show 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Dirty Dozen 18:05 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Update 19:30 Scooby­Doo 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 NCIS 23:00 NCIS: Los Angeles 23:55 Britain's Crime Capitals

Saturday April 19 Banger Racers 03:05 Joanna Lumley Meets 00:05 Bad Education

Will.i.am

00:35 EastEnders

04:05 This Is BBC Two

02:30 Weatherview

07:00 This Is BBC Two

02:35 BBC News

07:10 Sword of Sherwood Forest

07:00 Breakfast

08:30 Great British Menu

11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live

11:00 Snooker: The World

12:30 James Martin: Home

Championship

Comforts

13:00 The Great British Bake Off

13:00 Football Focus

14:00 Snooker: The World

13:45 Sportsday

Championship

14:00 BBC News; Weather

15:30 Henry VIII and His Six Wives

14:15 Formula 1

17:30 Snooker: The World

15:30 Snooker: The World

Championship

Championship

18:45 Easter from King's

17:30 Final Score

20:00 Snooker: The World

18:15 Shrek Forever After

Championship

19:40 BBC News; Regional News

21:00 University Challenge: The

and Weather

Story So Far

20:00 Pointless Celebrities

22:00 University Challenge

20:50 The National Lottery: In It to

22:30 Messiah at the Foundling

Win It

Hospital

21:40 Casualty

23:30 Pop Goes BBC Two

22:30 The Guess List 23:10 BBC News; Weather 23:30 National Lottery Update 23:30 Match of the Day 19/04 00:00 BBC2 00:00 Later ­ with Jools Holland 01:05 Jools Holland: My Life in Music 02:05 Fast and Fearless: Britain's

01:15 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Dino Dan 07:25 Matt Hatter Chronicles 07:50 Canimals 08:10 Om Nom Stories 08:20 Sooty 08:30 Scrambled!

10:25 ITV News 10:30 Murder, She Wrote 11:30 Dinner Date 12:30 ITV News and Weather 12:39 ITV Meridian Weather 12:40 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 13:10 Never Say Never Again 15:40 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets 18:35 ITV News Meridian 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 You've Been Framed!

20:00 Britain's Got Talent 21:20 Amazing Greys 22:20 Law & Order: UK 23:15 The Americans

TAKEN Action drama starring Liam Neeson as former CIA operative Bryan Mills, who calls upon his tried­and­ tested skills in a race­against­time bid to rescue his daughter from the sex traffickers who have kid­ napped her during a holiday in France.

00:05 8 Out of 10 Cats 00:50 Brooklyn Nine­Nine 01:15 The King of Comedy 03:00 Random Acts 03:05 Happy Endings 03:50 Franklin & Bash 04:30 Desperate Housewives 05:15 SuperScrimpers 06:10 Hugh's 3 Good Things: Best Bites 06:15 Deal or No Deal 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 Trans World Sport 08:30 FIM Superbike World Championship 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Frasier 10:55 The Big Bang Theory 11:55 How I Met Your Mother 12:45 The Simpsons 13:45 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 14:40 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 19:45 Channel 4 News 20:00 Lent Diaries 20:05 Grand Designs 21:05 Hostages 22:00 Taken 23:50 Made of Stone

00:55 Access 01:10 SuperCasino 04:10 Police Interceptors 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Milkshake! Monkey 08:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 City of Friends 08:50 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina: The Next Steps 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Access 11:05 The Dog Rescuers 11:40 Cowboy Builders 12:40 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 13:40 Murder at the Gallop 15:20 Barabbas 18:00 Columbo: Ashes to Ashes 19:40 The Cancer 20:30 NCIS 22:20 5 News Weekend 22:25 Britain's Favourite Detectives

40

Sunday April 20 00:50 The Football League Show 02:10 Weatherview 02:15 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 09:35 Match of the Day 11:00 Easter Worship from Leicester 12:00 Urbi et Orbi 12:35 Flog It! 13:15 MOTD2 Extra 14:00 BBC News 14:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 14:15 Bargain Hunt 15:00 More Creatures Great and Small 15:30 Formula 1 17:30 Escape to the Country 18:00 Lifeline 18:10 Songs of Praise 18:45 Pointless Celebrities 19:35 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 The Crimson Field 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

00:15 00:29 Championship 00:30 01:50 Snooker: World 01:25 04:00 Championship Extra 04:45 03:55 This Is BBC Two 07:00 07:30 Countryfile 07:25 07:50 08:30 Gardeners' World 08:10 09:00 The Beechgrove Garden 08:20 09:30 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 08:30 11:00 Snooker: The World 10:25 10:30 Championship 11:30 13:15 Custer of the West 13:30 15:30 Snooker: The World 13:40 14:10 Championship 14:40 19:00 Davis v Taylor: The '85 Black 15:40 Ball Final 16:55 20:00 Morecambe & Wise in Pieces 19:20 21:00 50 Golden Years of Sport on 19:30 19:45 BBC Two 20:30 22:00 All About Two 21:00 23:00 23:40 The Making of QI 01:00 Snooker: The World

ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Through the Keyhole Jackpot247 Dinner Date: Australia ITV Nightscreen Dino Dan Matt Hatter Chronicles Canimals Om Nom Stories Sooty Scrambled!

ITV News Dickinson's Real Deal Columbo Goes to College ITV News and Weather The Crocodile Hunter Diaries The Unforgettable Big Star's Little Star Britain's Got Talent A View to a Kill ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Catchphrase Off Their Rockers Endeavour Perspectives

01:50 Trainspotting 03:25 Hollyoaks 05:30 SuperScrimpers 06:25 River Cottage Bites 06:40 Goodwood 72nd Members' Meeting 07:05 Hoot 08:40 Lassie 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 Secret Eaters 14:35 The Big Bang Theory 15:35 How I Met Your Mother 16:30 The Simpsons 17:00 The Simpsons 17:30 Deal or No Deal 18:35 Channel 4 News 19:05 Lent Diaries 19:10 Hop 21:00 For the Love of Cars 22:00 Fargo 23:30 Heat

FOR THE LOVE OF CARS Life on Mars star Philip Glenister and renowned car designer Ant Anstead scour barns and lock­ups across the nation on a mission to restore six clas­ sic motors to their former glory. They begin by tracking down a rare Ford Escort Mexico, and while Ant takes on the mammoth task of rebuilding the rusty vehicle, Philip explores the story behind one of the most beloved British cars ever built, meeting passionate boy racers who are preserving the Escort spirit.

01:15 SuperCasino 04:15 Classic Car Rescue 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:05 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:35 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:30 Little Princess 08:50 King of the Railway 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:10 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 10:55 Power Rangers Super Samurai 11:30 Power Rangers Megaforce 12:05 Access 12:15 The Dog Rescuers 12:45 Eragon 14:40 Spider­Man 3 17:20 The Sound of Music Live!

20:00 5 News Weekend 20:05 The Forbidden Kingdom 22:00 Act of Valor 23:50 Punisher: War Zone

Monday April 21 Championship 01:30 Snooker: World 00:35 Live at the Apollo

Championship Extra

01:20 Weatherview

03:30 Countryfile

01:25 BBC News

04:25 Holby City

07:00 Breakfast

05:25 This Is BBC Two

10:00 Helicopter Heroes

07:00 Homes Under the Hammer

10:45 Homes Under the Hammer

08:05 Letter from an Unknown

11:45 Don't Get Done, Get Dom

Woman

12:30 Saints and Scroungers

09:30 The Island at the Top of the

13:00 Bargain Hunt

World

14:00 BBC News; Weather

11:00 Snooker: The World

14:15 BBC Regional News and

Championship

Weather

13:00 The Great British Bake Off

14:25 102 Dalmatians

14:00 Snooker: The World

16:00 Wanted Down Under

Championship

16:45 Escape to the Country

19:00 Eggheads

17:30 Flog It!

19:30 Escape to the Continent

18:15 Pointless

20:30 Great British Menu

19:00 BBC News

21:00 Restaurant Wars: The Battle

19:15 Weather

for Manchester

19:15 BBC London News

22:00 Business Boomers

19:30 The One Show

23:00 Rev

20:00 24 Hours on Earth

23:30 All About Two

21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Miranda 22:00 Jamaica Inn 23:00 BBC News

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:15 Premiership Rugby Union 01:15 The Store 03:15 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:20 The Unforgettable 11:55 Storage Hoarders 12:55 All Star Family Fortunes 13:40 Mystery Map 14:40 ITV News and Weather 14:50 ITV News Meridian 14:55 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban 18:35 The Chase 19:30 ITV News Meridian 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 I Never Knew That About Britain 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Tommy Cooper: Not Like That, Like This

TOMMY COOPER: NOT LIKE THAT, LIKE THIS

23:15 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:20 Have I Got a Bit More News for You 21/04 00:40 BBC2 00:40 Snooker: The World

Feature­length biopic of the much­loved comedi­ an, written by Simon Nye and starring David Threlfall (Shameless). With Amanda Redman, Helen McCrory, Jason Manford, Gregor Fisher and Paul Ritter.

02:35 03:20 04:15 05:10 06:05 07:00 07:45 08:10 08:35 09:00 10:00 11:00 12:00 14:40 Away 15:40 16:30 17:30 18:30 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 Trade 21:00 22:00 23:00

The Good Wife The Hotel Secret Removers SuperScrimpers Deal or No Deal Countdown Will & Grace According to Jim The King of Queens Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Undercover Boss USA Come Dine with Me A Place in the Sun: Home or Countdown Deal or No Deal Fifteen to One Come Dine with Me The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Food Unwrapped One Born Every Minute Lee Mack Live

01:55 SuperCasino 04:05 Britain's Crime Capitals 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:20 Make It Big 05:45 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:05 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:25 The Funky Valley Show 06:35 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Play!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:20 Ben­Hur 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 Neighbours 19:55 5 News Update 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Classic Car Rescue 22:00 Britain's Crime Capitals 23:00 Soho Blues

41

Tuesday April 22 00:05 The Graham Norton Show 00:50 The Football League Show 02:10 Weatherview 02:15 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Saints and Scroungers 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Perfection 15:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 17:15 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Jamaica Inn 23:00 BBC News 23:30 National Lottery Update 23:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:40 Life and Death Row 22/04 01:10 BBC2 01:10 Snooker: The World Championship

02:00 Snooker: World Championship Extra 04:00 A Very British Renaissance 05:00 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 09:30 Great British Garden Revival 10:30 Great British Railway Journeys 11:00 Snooker: The World Championship 13:15 The Super League Show 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Escape to the Continent 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 The Big Allotment Challenge 22:00 Watermen: A Dirty Business 23:00 Later Live ­ with Jools Holland 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:19 ITV Meridian Weather 00:20 Women Behind Bars with Trevor McDonald 01:15 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Storage Hoarders 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

EMBARRASSING BODIES

00:05 Gogglebox 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Fargo 02:30 New Worlds 03:40 Hostages 04:25 Scandal 05:10 SuperScrimpers 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 22:00 New Worlds 23:15 The Man with the 10­Stone Testicles: A Bodyshock Special

The medical team takes more viewers' appoint­ ments live over the internet from Birmingham's Queen Elizabeth Hospital and at the mobile clinic, which Pixie McKenna accompanies to Manchester. Plus, Dawn Harper has her mind and body put to the test by Christian Jessen in an experiment to demonstrate the effects of alcohol.

00:00 Rocky Balboa 02:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Harold Shipman 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Play!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Milkshake! Monkey 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Classic Car Rescue 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:10 A Woman's Rage 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 21:00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Wednesday April 23 01:00 The Guess List 01:40 Weatherview 01:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Saints and Scroungers 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Perfection 15:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 17:15 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 Jamaica Inn 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport 23/04 00:20 BBC2 00:20 The Story of the Open University 01:20 Snooker: The World Championship 02:10 Snooker: World

Championship Extra 04:10 The Plantagenets 05:10 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 08:45 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 09:30 Antiques Roadshow 10:30 Great British Railway Journeys 11:00 Snooker: The World Championship 13:00 The Great British Bake Off 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Escape to the Continent 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Under Offer: Estate Agents on the Job 22:00 Ian Hislop's Olden Days ­ The Power of the Past in Britain 23:00 Happy Birthday BBC Two 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Wild Britain with Ray Mears 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Storage Hoarders 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Big Star's Little Star 22:00 Law & Order: UK 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Paul O'Grady's Animal Orphans

SECRET EATERS Ticket inspector Michael, 24, and stay­at­home mum Katie, 22, have piled on more than eight stone between them in four years, and have no idea why, so Anna Richardson puts them under 24­hour surveillance to solve the mystery. In Secret Science, psychologist David Lewis gathers a group of diners to test the theory that where people eat is just as important as what they eat.

00:15 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:15 Random Acts 01:20 Poker 02:15 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:40 Trans World Sport 03:35 FIM Superbike World Championship 04:00 Goodwood 72nd Members' Meeting 04:25 Secret Removers 05:20 SuperScrimpers 05:45 River Cottage Bites 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Fifteen to One 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Secret Eaters 22:00 How to Get a Council House 23:00 Derek 23:30 Game Face

00:00 Body of Proof 01:50 SuperCasino 04:10 Soho Blues 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Scientists 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Milkshake! Monkey 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 A Deadly Encounter 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 NewsTalk Live 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 Benidorm ER 21:00 Killing Spree 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Castle

42

Thursday, April 17, 2014

AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

ALCHOLICS ANONYMOUS

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

BUSINESS OPPORTUNI­ TY, two clothing shops for sale either as a pair or sep­ arate, both trading, sold fully equipped and stocked, a great opportunity for some­ one wanting their own busi­ ness, for more comprehen­ sive information contact Glen on 606926437 (164)

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966

BLINDS BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES Bar for traspaso Well established, 9 year old, beach front terrace on the Mar Menor, with a good mix of both British and Spanish clientele. Hard working bar.

For more information con­ tact 637 362 863 (157)

CATERING

799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and Worship. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any Church background or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com 968575417 or 966848806.

Easter Services, Good Friday at 11 am with Holy Communion, and Easter Sunday at 11 am.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

The rainbow centre for spiri­ tual awareness We meet in the function room at sacos bar, el liminar, just off the cv905 rojales to torrevieja road We have a divine serv­ ice every Sunday at 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoy­ ance at 7.30 pm Also on Wednesdays there is an open circle at 5.45 pm for those wishing to develop their mediumistic skills heal­ ing is available by trained and certified healers after each meeting a warm wel­ come to friends old and new The mediums for April 2014 are Wed 2nd Debbie Blevins Sun 6th Debbie Blevins wed 9th Morag bullock Sun 13th David darnbourgh wed 16th Barbara almond (from UK) Sun 20th Trish Doherty wed 23rd David darnbourgh Sun

27th Sammy wed 30th Fitzsimons

Fitzsimons Sammy

CARS FOR SALE Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­ prehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Santiago de la Ribera 2 bed­ room townhouse close to beach and shops with com­

BARBER

ALARMS

munal pool €350 monthly short or long term lease Call 0044 7890996330 ­ 968570645 (162) Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­ ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Molino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb commu­ nal pool area, in within walk­ ing distance of bars, restau­ rants and shops. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

CARPENTER

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals.

Call us on 96 692 3963

PROPERTY FOR SALE Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bath­ room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Rare opportunity to pur­ chase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS

43

Thursday, April 17, 2014 including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­ munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath,

GARDENER

Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref: 78, €110,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­ by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­ munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popu­ lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3 Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.

Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242

CAR BREAKERS

Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Corner Plot Property in the lower end of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Under build, Roof top Solarium Being sold Fully Furnished including White goods. Walking distance to all local amenities. 139.950e Ref. GA0087 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242

Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath­ roomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interi­ or furnishings are top quali­ ty, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and grav­ eled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in show­ er units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €72,000. Two bed­ room apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed­in terrace and a large solarium. This property

DRAINAGE

comes with a large commu­ nal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­ bished apartment in a good central location.

Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appli­ ances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter­ race, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten­ nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul­de­sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gar­ dens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,pri­ vate parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155

PETS

44

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Limited Edition Fortaleze in Gran Alacant Exceptionally Large Plot. 4 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Private Pool with Decorative Garden, Private Parking, Electric Gates, Glazed in Porch, Solarium, Under build. Quiet sought after area. Very tastefully fur­ nished and all included 370.000e Ref. K52 Tel. 627711155 Gran Alacant, Situated front line to the famous blue flag beaches of Carabassi, the real beauty of this property is its proximity to the beach, but also on offer is a fantas­ tic communal pool situated in beautifully kept gardens with little Spanish walk ways.Comprising of 2 bed­ rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, American style kitchen including all appliances, roof top solarium with stunning views, front porch area with front garden and a secure underground garage. fully furnished Ref. K23 €125,000 rare opportunity Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant limited edition villa, not very often available on the market. Only a few of this type were ever con­ structed­ Very large 5 bed­ rooms, 4 bathroom(2 en­ suit) property, situated on a large corner plot with a 10 x 5 private pool and private parking. Lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully

equipped kitchen with utility room. Large landing area, leading onto solarium, with extra storage external room.

Front porch area leading into large well established gardens with irrigation sys­ tem and fruit trees. Being sold fully furnished. Within walking distance to Gran Alacant commercial centre and 5 minute drive to Carabassi beaches. ref.

K11. €270,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 516, €23,950. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155 Large 4 Bedroom, 4 Bathroom, 2 Kitchens, 2 Lounges, 600m2+ plot Large Retractable Glazed in Pool for all year swimming, Private Parking for 4 cars, Very low­maintenance, Fully Furnished. 330.000e but Negotiable. Very different to the other properties in Gran Alacant and is disabled friendly Ref: L80 Tel. 680333242 Mid Terraced Townhouse on Avda Polognia, Gran Alacant Furnished to a very high standard and includes White Goods. 3 Bed, 2 Bath, Lounge Diner, Fully convert­

RAG AND BONE

ed Under build offering a second lounge and large storage area. Roof top Solarium, Glazed in galleria with extended worktops.

Front Garden with BBQ, Communal Pool with Gardens. 132.000e Ref. K16 Tel. 627711155 Semi­Detached Villa with Open Greenland Views to the Rear and Alicante Views to the Front, means this property in Gran Alacant would appeal to anybody looking for a quiet location.

Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge diner, with working Fire place, Porch, Solarium, Established Gardens and Private Pool, Private Parking on a large plot.

265.000e Ref. L95 Tel. 680333242 Ground Floor Duplex, on the Monte y Mar estate of Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 1 Bathroom, Fully furnished, Private Parking, Communal pool Ref. GA0094 NOw only 83.000e Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant, detached villa in desirable road close to all amenities, comprising of 3 double bedrooms, 3 baths, lounge diner with working fire place, brand new kitchen with all appliances and black granite work tops, private pool, plot of 550m2, established irrigated gar­ dens and fruit trees, private parking, solarium, also there is a converted under build giving more bedrooms ,bathroom & kitchen, this house has many extras and is being sold fully furnished.

Ref.k47. €280,000 neg Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant large detached villa with 3 double bed­ rooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge­diner, fully equipped kitchen, large porch, roof top solarium, 400 m2 Plot, with established low mainte­

nance very private gardens with irrigation system, elec­ tronic gates, private parking, outside wc, sink & shower, terraces, air con ( h & c ), mosquito nets, grills, alarmed, large spa pool with separate Jacuzzi section.

Within easy walking dis­ tance to Gran Alacant com­ mercial centre and close to local bus and tram route.

Ref K33. €260,000 neg Tel 680333242 Offers Invited on a mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner, Galleria, Solarium, Under build.

Communal Pool and Gardens, and with Exceptional Views of Alicante. Being Sold Fully Furnished including White Goods. Ref. K42 Tel. 627711155 (reasonable offers only) 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom, Unfurnished Mid Terraced Townhouse in GA. Recently decorated throughout means this property is a very clean black canvass.

Has Air­Con & Security Grills and the use of a Communal Pool. Price recently reduced to 110.000e Ref.K12 Tel. 627711155 Reduced for a quick sale to 95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bath­ room, Top Floor Duplex in Gran Alacant. Very Modern Property with Many extras.

Glazed in Porch, Roof Top Solarium, Wooden Flooring.

Immaculate condition and ready to move in. Ref. K15 Tel. 627711155.

Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge­diner, independent kitchen, full roof­top solari­

REMOVALS

PLUMBERS

POOL TABLES

um with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views.

Situated at the end of a small cul­de­sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and stor­ age in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of out­ side parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT

SITUATIONS WANTED Gardening, property mainte­ nance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your prob­ lems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL needs motivated sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a bonus but not essential.

Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainterna­ tional.com OP Group Spain are seek­ ing 2 enthusiastic people to join their expanding team.

Position 1 is for an experi­ enced office administrator at their La Finca Golf office.

Position 2 is for an experi­ enced sales negotiator for their La Marina office. The ideal candidates will speak English and at least one other language and will have good knowledge of the local real estate market.

Both positions are full time with contracts and competi­ tive rates of pay. Please send your CV’s into Stuart on stuart.markham @opgroupspain.com or call 966729653 Chef required. Must have at least 5 years experience and health / hygiene certifi­ cate. Have flare for new menus and able to work on own initiative. Guardamar area. 672929585 English / Russian translator required by book publisher.

Call 618 715 998 for more info.

WINDOW CLEANER

POOLS

SURVEYOR

VAN HIRE

WANTED

45

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Greenside Gossip TIGER’S AGEING TAIL IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

WELL The Masters was pretty good without Tiger Woods and despite the doubters, I do not think he was missed, with some promising new faces on the scene, like Jordan Spieth and Jonas Blixt that overshadowed Tiger’s absence, but even more interesting was the very creditable performance of “veteran” 50 year old Miguel Angel Jimenez, which may conflict with this article.

Tiger was 38 in December, but as far as significant birth­ days go, does his 38th hold any significance when applied to his long­term goals?

Woods, of course, has 14 career major titles, placing him four behind Jack Nicklaus record total of 18. Only two play­ ers in the game's history have won as many as that differen­ tial after their 38th birthdays, with Ben Hogan claiming 5 majors at 38 and beyond, with Nicklaus winning 4. Woods has played against the best fields, on the hardest courses, and seldom misses cuts (I think he has missed only around 10). If you look at the list of accomplishments by golfers, Tiger is the only golfer that is still playing with many others either dead or no longer play competitively. He started play­ ing early but had no bigger advantage than many of the present top players who also played early in life, and some had the advantage of access to better training and coaching.

No one has done what he has done in such a short time.

When Hogan was injured, he changed things around slightly to accommodate the change in his body, which meant play­ ing less but winning a higher percentage. His best year was 1953, when he was hit 40. He was slight but very fit and extremely concentrated on his "work", not talking to many

fans or press, and fairly quiet around players until in the clubhouse, which sounds like Tiger to me!

Tiger came into the Honda Classic after the worst two events starts of his career. He was T80 at the Farmers Insurance Open at Torrey Pines and T41 in Dubai in his only events of the year and now that withdrawal from the Masters. His problem is that it's hard to have any conver­ sation about him without mentioning his health. The biggest rival for Woods at age 38 might be a body that by his own account appears to be breaking down. Tiger’s aggressive swing puts more pressure onto his back which seems to be down to a bulging disc that will not require surgery, the diagnosis saying that it could have been worse because it is not a herniated disc, which would have need an operation. Tiger withdrew from the Honda Classic after 13 holes in the final round with lower back pain and what he said were spasms.

He showed up three days later at Doral to walk a practice round on the new Blue Monster with wedges and a putter.

He shot 73 in the wind on the Friday (a good score), and he shot 66 on Saturday (a great score) to get within three shots of the lead. And then his back flared up and he had the worst Sunday score (78) of his professional career.

His year is starting to sound like one big soap opera. Was he working out too much in the offseason? Was he playing too little? Should he have played Doral? He was not at Bay Hill?

Just how bad is his back? Is rest and treatment enough? He was in no shape to play at Augusta? No other player from his generation has spoken more to the media than Woods. Few have given up so little. Part of that ­ most of that ­ is his desire to keep what he considers private matters just that.

And that includes his health.

Consider this catalogue of Woods' injuries in recent years. ­At The Barclays in 2012, he said he felt a twinge in his lower back the morning of the second round and showed great dis­ comfort He said ''Must have slept funny on it. Soft beds at the hotel,'' he said. ­The next year at the same tournament, he played only nine holes of the pro­am at Liberty National, and then chipped and putted on the back nine. ''My neck and back are a little stiff ... after a soft bed,'' he said. ''And just one of those things, sleeping in hotels and I didn't want to push it.''

By the end of the week, he dropped to his knees after one shot on the back nine from what he said were back spasms.

Woods said it was unrelated to the tightness he felt in his back two weeks earlier in the final round of the PGA Championship. He showed up at Boston the next week, thankful for the Friday start of the Deutsche Bank Championship.

He played with a left elbow injury in the U.S. Open last summer at Merion. He said he injured it ''playing golf'' at

KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION What is the ruling if your ball comes to rest in or near an area of plants that have thorns or stinging nettles on them?

A: Play the ball as it lies or take an unplayable lie, with a penalty shot.

B: Pick up your ball without penalty and place it one club length from the plants.

C: You get two club lengths drop without penalty because of a dangerous situation.

ANSWER A: If a players ball comes to rest in or near an area of plants such as poison ivy, cacti or stinging nettles the player must either play the ball as it lies or, if applicable, proceed under Rule for (Water Hazards) or Rule (Ball Unplayable).

The Players Championship during ''one of the rounds,'' and that he would still play even if it were not the U.S. Open. But he wound up missing the AT&T National two weeks later to rest up for the British Open.

He stopped after his tee shot on the 12th hole of the final round at Doral in 2012 with what he said was tightness in his left Achilles' tendon. ''In the past, I may have tried to contin­ ue to play. But this time, I decided to do what I thought was necessary,'' he said. Woods won his next tournament two weeks later at Bay Hill.

It's painfully clear (no pun intended) that Woods does not want to divulge details when talking about injuries. Asked on the Sunday at Doral if it could be something more than back spasms, Woods replied: ''Well, it is back spasms, so we've done all the protocols and it's just a matter of keeping every­ thing aligned so I don't go into that.'' That was followed by a simple question: Have you had an MRI? He could have worsened the condition of his knee with heavy workouts and US Navy SEAL activities. Tiger prefers that people see his injuries related to his sport, so that he could wear them as an athletic badge of honour. To him, it seems that injuries were a way of being accepted into the fraternity of super­ stars who played more physical sports than golf.

It's easy to connect dots with scores and injuries, especially when the bad back on the last two Sundays followed rounds of 65 and 66. Even with 8 wins over the last 2 years, his future remains muddled by recurring injuries. How bad are they? Does he need to take more time off? Can he afford to take more time off? How much longer will be stuck on 14 majors? Will he ever break the record 18 majors won by Nicklaus? So is he too old or has his over exuberance and activity catching up with him?

TITTER ON THE TEE A man is driving home from his round of golf. After pulling him over to the side of the road, the traffic police­ man informs him that he is too drunk to drive.

“Too drunk to drive?” retorts the man. “Officer I can hardly putt!”

“Give me my golf clubs, the fresh air and a beautiful woman as a partner and you can stuff the golf clubs and the fresh air!”

46

Thursday, April 17, 2014

ELCHE PAY THE PENALTY VALENCIA 2 ELCHE 1

A missed penalty and a late miss cost Elche dearly last Sunday at Valencia, with the good news being that the bottom 3 sides all lost, keeping the Ilicitanos still 4 points above the relegation zone, with 5 games remaining. The bad news is that they’re away to the La Liga leaders, Atletico Madrid tomorrow night (Friday April 18th).

Valencia started brightest and Michel could have given them the lead after two minutes had his close­range effort not gone wide. But the match went quiet until midway through the first half, when Elche defender Suarez almost broke the deadlock with his free­kick from the left wing, forcing Valencia goalkeeper Vicente Guaita to punch the ball to safety.

The hosts also pressed forward and Argentina international Piatti capitalised on Michel's miss, collecting the ball from the

left of the 18­yard box before slotting it into the bottom right of the net. Their lead did not last long before Elche struck back six minutes later when Corominas got on the end of Carlos Sanchez's cross to fire the ball home with a low shot from the penalty box. .

Jonas was the first to test Herrera after the break before Parejo put the home side ahead for the second time as he curled the ball into the back of the net from 25 yards out down the right channel. Valencia’s first goalscorer Piatti gave away a penalty with 20 minutes left, but Guaita guessed right as Suarez stepped up and struck the ball to the bottom right of the goal, sending it into the goalkeeper's hands. Richmond Boakye had a late chance to steal a point for Elche but his shot just missed the post as Valencia held on for the win.

BARCA BLOW GRANADA 1 BARCELONA 0

Struggling Granada threw a spanner into the works, denting Barcelona’s chances of retaining the league title, capping a bad week for the Catalan side, who were dumped out of the Champions League by Atletico Madrid. The match was settled by a solitary goal by Yacine Brahimi after 15 minutes, the Algerian racing through a Barca defence containing no natural cen­ tre­backs and scoring past Jose Manuel Pinto.

The visitors, who began without midfield metronome Xavi and first­choice full­backs Dani Alves and Jordi Alba, were unable to

respond ­ thwarted on a number of occa­ sions by Granada's outstanding goalkeep­ er Orestis Karnesis, who was making only his second start of the season. The defeat to a team that began the match with 44 points fewer than Barca meant Gerardo Martino's men are now 4 points off the top of the table, with Atletico beating relega­ tion­haunted Getafe. The result meant Barcelona no longer have their destiny in their own hands, and must hope that Real and Atletico slip up in their final five games of the season, whilst Barca entertain Athletic Bilbao this Sunday evening.

REAL ON A ROLL REAL MADRID 4 ALMERIA 0

TORRY RUN CONTINUES CF BORRIOL 0 FC TORREVIEJA 1

FC Torrevieja picked up another win on their travels away at relegation threatened Borriol last Sunday lunchtime, and it was a decent result for Torry, who were missing several key players through injury and suspen­ sion.

The first half was a shoddy affair with neither side able to create any clear cut chances, but an improved second half display from the Salineros saw them deservedly claim all three points and extend their unbeaten run to four games. The winning goal came when the hard­work­ ing Obele made a break down Torry's left on the hour mark and crossed for Carrasco to bundle the ball home.

Torry then had to substitute Alexis and played with three teenagers on the pitch. But in spite of some late pressure from Borriol .the team worked hard to protect Carrion who also was carrying an injury from early in the game. Indeed he only had to make one save of note when he dived to his left to push a strong drive round the post and preserve a clean sheet for the second succes­ sive away game.

Torrevieja take on Acero at the Vicente Garcia Stadium this Thursday evening (April 17th), with a 6.00pm kick off.

Real Madrid enjoyed a comfortable 4­0 victory over Almeria on Saturday night to stay in 2nd place, 3 points behind La Liga leaders Atletico Madrid. It was Real's third successive La Liga win, and they dominat­ ed from the whistle and should have been ahead after just four minutes at the Bernabeu but the crossbar intervened to deny Di Maria from 25 yards. Despite home pressure, it took close to half an hour for the Almeria back­line to be breached by Di Maria, who was teed up by Nacho before cutting across the area and curling an exquisite left­footed effort past the reach of Esteban.

CD MONTESINOS 3 CD ORIHUELA COSTA 3 Real continued to rule the roost at the A crowd close to 400 enjoyed a thrilling match foul, the farcical official sent off Fernando for which featured some cracking goals, mixed in with protesting too much. Things got worse as another a fair bit of controversy and a refereeing perform­ unbelievable Christian­keeping howler helped ance that was only missing a big red nose and Orihuela take the lead. Edu missed a golden some clown make up. chance to level with the keeper to beat, but Vaz Monte had a terrible start with the normally reli­ levelled things up from the penalty spot shortly able keeper Christian misjudging a bounce after afterwards. It got even better for the home side, as just 90 seconds, and Orihuela pounced to score. a fantastic piece of skill from Vaz put 10 man The home side fought back and after wasted Monte ahead, only for Orihuela to grab a point with chances from Edu and Vaz, Orouker levelled up 5 minutes remaining. It was a rousing end to the with a header from a Fernando free­kick. match, with the referee having to be escorted off Temperatures were rising on the field with a series the field to avoid the anger of the local fans, of fouls on the Monte forwards that went unpun­ including the chance of a Palm Sunday branch ished by the comical referee, with the captain, being shoved into him for a permanent painful Fernando, making clear his displeasure to him. souvenir of his performance. Monte’s next match Monte dominated the early part of the second is a week on Sunday (April 27th) away to half, but after yet another unpunished Orihuela Formentera.

FUN IN THE SUN

start of the second half, and Bale(pictured in quiet celebration) fired in goal number two for the hosts, slamming in a shot after 53 minutes which squirmed into the net despite Esteban's best attempts to keep it out. Isco then added another just three minutes later, chesting down a pass from Karim Benzema and playing the ball back on to his right foot before smashing home at the near post. Morata added the final goal, five minutes from time, benefiting from an assist from Asier Illarramendi to lift the ball over Esteban and into the net.

Real’s next league match isn’t until a week on Saturday when they entertain Osasuna.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

47

TIME GENTLEMAN PLEASE! Win or lose the FA Cup, Wenger must go

IN the same week Arsenal were caught and passed for fourth place in the Premier League by Everton, the Gunners stuttered through their FA Cup Wembley semi­final against unlucky Wigan to win – just ­ on penalties, against, it has to be said a Second Division – sorry, a Championship side. If Arsenal had lost, and they were a goal behind until eight minutes from time, everyone would now be screaming for their noble manager’s head. The scraped win has bought Arsene Wenger a little more time; but the writing is on the Emirates wall.

For too long now the famous, proud North London club have promised and failed to uphold the previ­ ous achieve­ ments of Arsenal Football Club.

From Herbert Chapman’s 1930 legacy, through Frank McLintock’s led double­winning side of the seventies to George Graham’s powerful nineties champions, Arsenal have represented suc­ cess world­wide.

Thierry Henry, Dennis Bergkamp et al have been and now depart­ ed, and although today’s team undoubt­ edly has its stars, Arsenal’s major Premier League com­ petitors are just doing it better ­ and Gooners hearts have almost been

broken, once again, this year.

This season it particularly hurts. After losing the first home game of the season 3 – 1 to Aston Villa prompting calls for the Frenchman to go, Arsenal unexpectedly paid £42m for Real Madrid’s Mesut Ozil (N.B. Barcelona’s David Villa was avail­ able, but was rejected

by Wenger and has gone on to have a terrific sea­

Sammy makes a splash An English schoolboy has made it into the Valencia region water polo team. 14 year old Sammy Lear plays for Club Waterpolo Elche, and has helped to lift his team to top of the league in the Infantils section. Sammy, who plays in defence, was part of the Comunidad Valencia team that were run­ ners­up in the National Championships last week­ end, losing to Cataluña, and taking away a silver medal:­ the first time that Valencia have won a medal of any sort. Next up for Sammy is BCN Barcelona 2014 in July with his current Club Waterpolo Elche, and a bid to finish amongst the top five clubs in Spain.

son with Atletico). Welshman Aaron Ramsay’s goals then quickly swept Arsenal stylishly to the top of the Premier League, and once again, everyone got carried away with the brilliance of the Gunners play from midfield. There were a few scratched heads as the team seemed to be coping well with only one striker, usually the Frenchman Olivier Giroud. While the Man City and Liverpool strikers were bangin ‘em in all over the place, Arsene’s Army still kept winning, only just sometimes to stay in front. But that chasing pack were merciless when they did get hold of the Gunners themselves, ripping them to pieces with goal gluts that made nonsense of a credible Arsenal bid for the title.

Outgunned and steadily caught in the Premier League, and ominously going out of the Champions League(perhaps this time for a good while), that familiar sinking feeling for Gooners has resurfaced, pointing towards yet another year of failure. It’s now 10 long years since Arsenal lifted a trophy – ironical­ ly the FA Cup in 2004. Although sliding down to fifth in the domestic league (which means non­qualification for the Champions League ), the Gunners have survived in the FA Cup, this time avoiding their usual banana skin of losing to lower class opposition – although Uwe Rosler’s Wigan nearly fitted the bill on Saturday.

Where were your Ozil, Wilshere, Rosicky, Koscielny and Walcott on Saturday, all class players capable of sweeping teams like Wigan away? Injured, all, of course – is that unlucky or cursed, just when they were needed? The Wembley picture was puzzling for pundits and the fans. Why did in­form Lucas Podolski start, but was then with­ drawn (groans heard from the Arsenal sup­ porters) in favour of top scorer Giroud ­ who should have been on from the off? The new striker Senogo – unfortunate name suggest­ ing aptly ‘no goals’ ­ hasn’t scored in eight games, Gooners fear another unpopular Nicklas Bendtner. Why did Sanogo play the whole match, but not take a penalty? Only

Wenger knows the answers to these key questions ­ and more.

For all his early success at Highbury, Wenger’s teams were eventually caught and passed, just like this season. Firstly Alex Ferguson’s Man United, and then Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea eclipsed Arsenal, by now playing at the hugely­impressive Emirates Stadium, but all those top teams around them are ending this season better – again!. As Arsenal’s season fades away (4 wins from 11), their beleaguered manager’s latest embarrassment is being usurped by the bright young Spaniard Roberto Martinez, who has taken David Moyes’ Everton onwards and upwards and looks to be taking the fourth European place away from the Gunners, their deadly rivals Tottenham and Man United.

Arsene Wenger is a gentleman in every sense. The Frenchman displays qualities of decency and dignity in a cruel world: he has somehow manfully ‘managed’ to stay up near the top of English football for an amaz­ ing 18 years ­ although it has to be said, he looks it: the stressful years have taken their toll. But his TV interviews, often baited with awkward, aggressive questions are always handled with frankness, honesty and despite his savage disappointments a trace of a smile often still plays around his mouth, indi­ cating his superb self­control. Wenger always displays an uncanny ability to keep his head when all around are losing theirs – although that analogy may just be too ironic now as the saga of his contract is aired once again at the Emirates ­ and every­ where else.

Time to go, Arsene – and with a bit of luck you’ll take the FA Cup with you!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

48

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! Liverpool trio see off City in Anfield thriller…

In the Big Match on Sunday after­ noon, Liverpool finally proved they are back as a major force in British football to stay top of the Premier ­ but what a match against Man City.

An afternoon of high drama at Anfield rightly began with silence, sadness and respect for the 96 Hillsborough victims killed 25 years ago this week, also correctly observed in every ground through­ out the UK. Then in yet another Red­hot start, lively leaders Liverpool launched into an early 2 – 0 lead, strangely for once from the second string SAS, Sterling and Skrtel. But in the second half, inspired by Super Silva, City stormed back to level at 2 ­2, only for a cute Coutinho goal to cause the Blues to lose 3 ­2 following a rare mistake

by City captain Kompany.

The early loss of City strongman Yaya Toure didn’t help, but Milner’s addition to the affray stiffened Manuel’s men as Suarez and Demichelis went at it South American­style all afternoon. Late on in the furore, Mark Clattenburg sent Jordan Henderson off for an X­rated tackle, but had earlier let Suarez off for diving, and missed both Sakho’s crude tackle on Dzeko and Skrtel’s late blatant fist out as the Reds rode their luck to stay top. At the emotional finale, ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ applied to everyone swathed in Red on Liverpool’s day to remember, as captain­ courageous Steve Gerrard gathered his heroes together to bond in front of the Kop: unforgettable.

Later in a more subdued affair in South Wales, Chelsea ended two consecutive away defeats by beat­

John McGregor reports

ing ten­man Swansea 1 – 0. The result means Chelsea stay second, ominously two points behind Liverpool ­ with the Blues travelling to Anfield a week on Sunday.

And making it marvellous Merseyside, Everton earlier eased past Cup­happy Arsenal into the vital 4th Euro spot, courtesy of slowly submerging Sunderland, with the Gunners regaining that position after Tuesday night’s 3­1 win over West Ham. The Premier of The Great Escape is being trailed again this weekend: three unfortunates sought please. The £64m question is – who? Erm, dunno… any trio from ten must be relegated to the Chumpionship (sic), from West Ham in 11th with 37 points down to bottom­ placed Sunderland with 25, but the Black Cats still have two games in hand, and significant others one.

To further up the ante and complicate lowdown logic, both Fulham and Cardiff pulled off amazing 1 – 0 wins at Aston Villa and Southampton respectively.

In an amazing match at the Hawthorns, Tim’s tottering Tottenham went 3 – 0 down, looking like West Brom were well on their way to survival, helped by a Ben Foster penalty save, but proving lightning does strike twice, back came Spurs to finally equalise. Deja vu for the Baggies having to endure yet another late equalis­ er to dash their hopes after Cardiffgate a week ago.

Pulis’s Palace are all but safe with another tremen­ dous performance both on and off the pitch. Zero­ turned­hero Jason Puncheon scored the only goal against wobbly Aston Villa, who are finishing their season miserably. In direct contrast to certain other strugglers (you know who you are) Crystal Palace FC have demonstrated a true sense of togetherness this sensational season: staff, players and fans united, credit to them all at Selhurst Park.

Not so the scene at nerve­wracked Carrow Road, as

Norwich went down again 1 – 0, this time critically inflicted by feisty, fighting Fulham. Hero Hugo Rodallega scored the winner for the second week run­ ning to give the Cottagers a chance of beating the Dreaded Drop, whilst Canaries boss, Chris Hughton was shown the door afterwards. The East Anglians’ final run in is scary, starting with Liverpool on Saturday where the name Suarez alone is enough to terrify the Canaries, who turn into rabbits when he’s around. It won’t get any easier for Norwich with Man United, Chelsea and Arsenal to come. Disaaaster dawning Delia, darling?

On Saturday in an early doors all­London affair, it’ll be Capital punishment for some as Fulham look to con­ tinue the fight at White Hart Lane. Rumours are rife re Tim’s tenure at Tottenham terminating. On paper Fulham have the easiest final fling with Hull, Stoke and Palace to come – but on grass?

Blue is the colour – isn’t it, Vinny? Away, for once not in unlucky red at St Mary’s, Cardiff’s slim survival hopes took an unlikely upwards lurch, 1 – 0 courtesy of unlucky Southampton. Central defender Juan Cala popped up with a superb winner with 25 minutes to go, right against the run of play where the Bluebirds had only 33% of the possession. Next up for Kamikaze Cardiff is Sparky Stoke, who are finishing Mark Hughes’ first season in charge well at the Potteries in tenth place. Then for Cardiff it’s Sunderland (96 point­ er there), next neurotic Newcastle and erm… finally Chelsea in the run in. One way or the other ­ Blue will be the colour!

Sunderland: Gus Poyet says miracles are needed.

He’s right.