Week 168

Edition 168

www.thecourier.es

Friday, May 9, 2014

DON’T BE FOOLED BRITS BACK EXTRA VIGILANCE

By ALEX TRELINSKI Tourists and locals are being warned about pickpockets and opportunist thieves and con­ men swooping to strike as the main tourist season gets going on the Costas.

The British Consulate in Alicante has linked up with the police and local groups to launch a campaign in Benidorm to cut out petty pilfering which accounted for 80% of all crime on the Costa Blanca last year.

The National Police crime prevention team has come up with a check­list that hotel and apartment owners ought to

pass on to any guests over the next few months:­ 1. Beware of “triles” ­ groups who trick tourists with fake street games.

2. Mobile phone theft is on the up – don’t leave your phone on the table or take it to the beach, and look after your passport.

3.Take advantage of “Operación Verano”, where in July and August any­ one can get a free certified copy of their passport from the police so they can leave the original at their hotel.

4.People approaching tourists to ask them to sign petitions or for money are sometimes looking for opportunities to steal from them so be wary

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The British Consul, Paul Rodwell, at a special launch event in Benidorm, gave the thumbs­up to the positive advice from the National Police and emphasised the importance of working together to support tourists when something does go wrong, which can have a huge impact on how the victim of crime recovers from the experience.

“The Consulate is committed to sup­ porting vulnerable British nationals by working closely with the Spanish national police and tourism partners”, said Rodwell. “ This event was a great opportunity to gain a greater under­ standing of each other’s role so that we can help British nationals more effec­ tively.”

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Friday, May 9, 2014

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San Pedro del Pinatar. Jet flying low over roundabout !!! Photo by RICHARD O ROURKE

STORM IN A PULPIT MUM JAILED The Benejúzar mother, who was sentenced to 5 years in jail for setting fire to the man who raped her teenage daughter, has gone to prison.

Mari Carmen García must spend the next few weeks behind bars whilst waiting for the National Supreme Court ver­ dict over a pardon. A request to suspend the sentence ahead of the pardon deci­

A priest has caused a storm after he said that men wouldn't beat their wives to death thirty years ago because they had Christian values. The speech, given during a child’s first communion in the southern city of Jaén, has sent shockwaves through Spanish soci­ ety after it was posted on YouTube on Monday.

“Thirty years ago there was a lot more ignorance and a man would maybe get

drunk and when he got home beat up his wife, but he wouldn’t kill her like they do nowadays,” the parish priest (who has not been named) told his audience.

“There used to be a set of Christian princi­ ples and values. People would live by the commandments and their Christian educa­ tion, so even if a person got drunk, he knew that the fifth commandment said ‘thou shalt not kill.”

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HEAD ON

Two people are still recovering at Elche’s General Hospital, after an accident last Sunday on the N332 in Gran Alacant which led to the death of a woman in a head­on collision between two cars. Five others, including the two in Elche, were injured in the accident at 5.15pm which led to the clo­ sure of the road, and diversions being set up via the CV851 and CV865.

POSTING A CHANGE

Snail mail is continuing to fall across the Costa Blanca and Alicante Province with figures showing that tradi­ tional letter sending went down by 16% last year. The

Publication

sion was thrown out by an Alicante provincial court, and she checked in at Fontcalent Prison in Alicante yesterday as demanded by the author­ ities.

parcels market though went up by 31% in 2014, with an overall amount of 557 thou­ sand deliveries per day, with over 80 Correos offices in the region.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines?

What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap­

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

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Friday, May 9, 2014

NO BARS, NOW NO LIFEGUARDS!

The Orihuela Costa could be without lifeguards this sum­ mer after the current contract holder Ambuiberica SYA had to pull out of a two year deal, saying that it couldn’t make it pay.

The council is having to re­advertise the franchise meaning that at the time of writing, the Orihuela Costa is without any beach bars or lifeguards for the busy holiday season.

There’s no apparent end to the beach bar stalemate with the council controversially awarding the franchise to Chiringuitos del Sol who owed them around 1 million Euros in unpaid tax, leaving the whole process up in the air. Meanwhile, Torrevieja council appears to have sorted out the awarding of contracts for 13 beach bars which will run until 2017, with an option for an extra year. A formal announcement is expected shortly.

BOYS WRAP IT

Over 40 thousand people saw the SOS festival end on a high note in Murcia City last Saturday with the Pet Shop Boys singing a mixture of new and old songs. Other highlights included Blur lead singer Damon Alburn performing tracks from his first solo album as part of the seventh staging of the two day music event.

30 YEAR CALL

A man is set die behind bars for sexually abusing the daughters of his then girlfriend in their Gran Alacant home back in 2001.

Prosecutors have called for a 30 year sentence against the man, who is in his eight­ ies, for abusing the two girls on a repeated basis when they were aged only 11 and 12. The accused took repeated advantage of their mother Bela’s (pic­

tured) visits to her native Congo to abuse them. She says that both her daughters have needed psychiatric help and one of them tried to commit suicide.

CRIME DOWN Reported crime has fallen by 7.6% in the first 3 months of 2014 on the Costa Blanca. The figures show a big reduction of 26.7% in burglaries, with the falls better than the Spanish national aver­ age. The figures for Murcia showed an even greater reduc­ tion of 8.9%, though burglaries had risen significantly around Cartagena.

HE SAYS NO VLAD’S NASTY GANG

The man from Del Monte would have had his head sent spinning with the news that the Guardia Civil has uncovered a ship crammed full of pineapples stuffed with 2 and a half thousand kilos of cocaine. Drug barons from the world’s biggest pineapple producer, Costa Rica, sent a batch of the loaded fruit to the southern Spanish port of Algeciras. The Guardia were waiting on the back of a tip­off, and even allowed the smugglers to take the contents to Madrid before making their swoop. The seized cocaine apparently would have had a street value of around 150 million Euros.

The trial has started of a Romanian prostitution gang in Alicante, with 20 defendants facing charges of pimping, rape, conspiracy, and prostitution, though their leader Vlad Costel is in a Romanian jail. Nicknamed “El Gordo”, he is accused of controlling one Europe’s largest prostitution networks, which operated around Alicante, Elche, Guardamar and Orihuela. Many of the victims were women and children, who were beaten after being shipped over to Spain from Romania with promises of a better life. The case has taken over 10 years to come to trial, with some of the defendants having died or been arrested for crimes in other countries.

MORE JOBS LA RIBERA ROYALS

Spain’s dole queue showed a record fall on Tuesday allow­ ing Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy to declare that things were on the up. The number of registered unemployed fell by 111,565 people from March to 4.68 million in April, the Labour Ministry said. It was the steepest drop for the month of April since existing records began in 2001. "I am hopeful about the future because I think we have broken a pattern of jobs being lost and we are already heading in the opposite direction," Rajoy told Cadena Ser radio.

AIR RISE Alicante­Elche airport is well on tar­ get to have more than 10 million pas­ sengers going through its doors by the end of the year, as April’s figures showed a 9.6% rise compared to the same month last year. An element of that rise would be due to the fact that Easter fell in April this year as opposed to March, but all 4 months this year have shown rises compared

Santiago de la Ribera’s Air Academy welcomed royalty last week led by Prince Felipe, his wife Princess Leticia, and their two daughters Leonor and Sofia. The engagement was actu­ ally the first time the two girls have attended an official national ceremony, and all eyes were on them. The passing out ceremony consisted of 62 pilots getting their wings, and swearing their allegiance to the Spanish flag. Prince Felipe studied to be a pilot at this air base in 1987­88, as did his father, the King of Spain in 1958­59. The ceremony ended with a parade and an impressive display by the Patrulla Aguila, Spain’s equivalent of the British Red Arrows.

to 2013. Airport owner, AENA, has also announced that it will be freezing its airport charges for carriers next year.

BIG CUPS Orihuela police have arrested a woman who had two bags of heroin stuffed in her bra. Suspicious cops saw her talking to two men in the San Isidro area of Orihuela City and they

pounced and retrieved over 10 grams of the drug.

STUFF IT San Fulgencio council has had to cancel their Festival of Health and Wellbeing due to what they call “a lack of interest”. The event was scheduled for Saturday May 17th, but the council say that they are going to give it another go in October.

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Friday, May 9, 2014

NO DINERO HIGH SPEED CROOKS

Nearly half of young Spaniards aged under 30 get virtually no money, whilst only 1 in 5 can afford to set up home on their own. A total of 47.5% of young Spaniards aged between 16 and 29 receive no formal income at all, the study by youth lobby group CJE shows. Youth unemployment is currently 55% but the CJE study shows the situation is made even worse by the precarious nature of that employment.

With just 34% of people aged 16 to 29 in Spain actually work­ ing, more than half of those in the age group are on tempo­ rary contracts. Of those contracts, 46.4% are of less than 12 months duration. Meanwhile, just over a quarter of working Spaniards aged 16 to 29 are doing so part­time, the CJE results based on the final quarter of 2014 reveal.

9 people have been arrested as part of an embezzlement plot linked to building the high speed rail link between Madrid and Barcelona. Police searched 11 homes and offices as part of their investigation, including the headquarters of state railway company Adif. Some 6 million Euros of public money is said to have been stolen in a project that ended up costing close to 4 billion Euros, with the line having opened in January 2013.

GOOD RIDDANCE

Bulldozers have moved to knock down two deserted hous­ es in the Babilonia beach area of Guardamar. Both buildings were found to be poor condition by the coastal directorate with the mayor adding that it was vital for increased tourism that eyesores were removed as well as all structures being safe.

WHITE DOT

DON’T WORRY, BE BOBBY NEW CARS UP Bobby McFerrin, who scored a big international hit in the late eighties with Don’t Worry Be Happy, has been added to the list of perform­ ers at the San Javier International Jazz Festival which starts on July 5th.

Other star names that have already been confirmed include George Benson.

The new car market in Spain continues to improve due to the government's 'Plan PIVE' with over 80 thousand new vehicles registered last month, which is nearly 29% than the same month last year. The original Plan PIVE scheme was devised to incentivise the purchase of new vehicles by offer­ ing 1,000 Euros to people replacing cars over ten years old (seven in the case of commercial vehicles) with newer, more energy­efficient and less polluting models. New car registra­ tions have gone up for 8 months in a row, but the monthly returns are still a long way off the 100 thousand per month Spain had seen before the recession.

GLUTENDONA

9 national Spanish TV channels stopped broadcasting via the terrestrial TDT system at the end of Monday night’s pro­ gramming to comply with the Supreme Court verdict for broadcasting outside the scope of the Communications Act. The government has denied any interference which has seen the plug pulled on channels like Xplora, Nitro, and LaSexta3 to make space for an auction of broadcast spectrum for mobile phone operators which will ultimately benefit the cof­ fers in Madrid. Most of the “pulled” channels are continuing to broadcast via satellite.

HAPPY NOW?

THE REAL THING

Supermarket chain Mercadona has increased its gluten­ free product range and now offers more foodstuffs for the wheat­intolerant, or coeliac, which they claim is more than any other retailer. The recent introduction of 50 new items The owners of Alicante­Elche airport have removed the has brought the Valencia­based chain's range up to 850 sign that says Alicante on the old terminal building which has products, giving those allergic to gluten a much wider choice been upsetting Elche mayor, Mercedes Alonso. She wrote to and more opportunities for a varied and interesting diet. owners AENA to complain that the old name was obsolete and should be taken down. They have also responded to her request by telling all the airlines that use the facilities at El Altet that the airport is now called Alicante­Elche, and not Alicante.

Will Ruth be crying?

A Colombian man had a ham and cheese baguette with some extra fizz about it:­ it was stuffed with over 100 grams of cocaine. Benidorm police arrested the 29 year old at the local bus station on suspicion of drug trafficking. Cops found 9 capsules of the drug inside his snack as well over a kilo of cocaine in his Benidorm home, where they also arrested his 20 year old Colombian room­mate.

COSTA BAD DEAL

The Costa Blanca is getting a poor return on getting money out of the Madrid government for road maintenance if the lat­ est figures are to be believed. In a parliamentary reply, Alicante Province came 26th in the league table of areas given money by the National Government for roadworks, despite it having the 5th largest population in the country with some of the busiest tourist routes.

X-RAY BOOST

Murcia’s Ruth Lorenzo carries Spain’s hopes in this Saturday’s Eurovision Song Contest in Copenhagen. The former UK X­Factor star will be singing Crying in the Rain, which she helped to write, with the lyrics in Spanish and English. Last week, the 31 year old had to spend time in a Murcia clinic due to over­exhaustion in the build up to this weekend. She resumed her busy schedule in Denmark this week which included a visit to the Spanish Embassy.

People who use the Guardamar health centre will have the added bonus of an X­ray room from this July.

The council have done a deal with Torrevieja Health department which means patients will no longer have to travel to Torrevieja for X­rays to be carried out.

Friday, May 9, 2014

NEXT YEAR’S TOP MODEL:- NOT!

An Iranian man conned 10 women into being his sex slaves after pretending to be an oil boss who owned a luxury villa in Marbella. The fraudster first captured the young women’s attention by pretending to be a wealthy businessman with an impressive list of contacts in the fashion industry. With the promise of making them all top models, he moved them into his luxurious villa.

“He enjoyed their company whenever he wanted,” sources close to the investigation said when describing how 50­year­old Shoja S. managed to set up his own private harem.

Although the women soon became aware

that their lover was no more than a conman, he kept them under his thumb with physical and psychological abuse. After three years living under the same roof, Shoja fathered seven children with his ten concubines. “It was the girls who paid for everything after asking their loved ones for money,” accord­ ing to the source.

One of them has filed a lawsuit against Shoja for allegedly forcing her family to pay the monthly €6,500 rent for the villa, whilst eight others have since pressed charges against him for physical and psychological abuse.

Bars and restaurants around the Mar Menor have had 200 kilos of seafood seized by the Murcia Guardia Civil, and accused for not making it clear where they

got it from, in addition to maintaining poor standards of health. Bream, crab, octopus, and prawns were some of the items taken away.

SOMETHING FISHY

El Toro would like it

A small town offered a new perspective on publicis­ ing a bull­running festival, by hiring a woman to walk around the streets promot­ ing the event in only her knickers. La Vall d’Uixó in the Valencia region holds Bous al Carrer, an ancient bull­running festival in which the animals are let loose in the fenced­off town centre.

As a way of promoting the bulls they had put money on, two local groups or peñas, hired a woman to walk around topless through the streets with an advertising

banner.

Although not everyone is opposed to the move, local political groups have called for the peñas to be fined as a means of setting a prece­

dent for similar sexist acts.

"This does no favours for gender equality in our region or in Spain as a whole," said local councillor Herminia Montins.

ALMORADI’S BEST

Kiosk El Paseo was voted the winner of Almoradi’s 3rd professional Tapas Competition on Monday. The jury plumped for the Kiosk’s Pastel Tricolor, a dish featuring smoked cod, caviar, and a multi­coloured vegetable pie.

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Friday, May 9, 2014

editor@thecourier.es

COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS Not such HaH Mar Menor - Happy and Helpful a bright, idea, Rojales

Their volunteers are all so helpful visit me regularly, help with difficul­ My name is Patti Lee, I am 83 came to my aid.

How could I have coped without ties, appointments etc, and my little and they work extremely hard, and years old and live alone in Los Narejos. Last October I had to have their wonderful care team? ! could­ dog and I look forward so much to their service is FREE. a hip operation, after which I spent a n’t get dressed, nor do essential their visits. Janet wrote down some I could not have managed without little time recovering in a nursing tasks, but they took this on, and for very important facts on what to do in home. When they said I could go many days helped me, took me to an emergency, and following a fall them, and would like to thank them home I was so worried about how I appointments, out for coffee and where I cut my leg quite badly, I fol­ all for their time, care, and friend­ was going to cope, and a friend walks, and made life a pleasure lowed her instructions, was able to advised me to get in touch with HAH again. Janet and Chris in particular get help, and I am convinced that ship, they all deserve a medal!!

EARTH Hour has (Help at Home) who immediately have become firm friends, and still this saved my life!

PATTI LEE, Los Narejos recently passed with more countries joining every year.

The idea is that we all switch off our lights and electrical appliances for one hour in a bid towards saving Mother Earth and to heighten I’D like to ask football fans people’s awareness that what they would do if a loopy we need to take care of billionaire took over their club our planet. and promptly changed the Spain has been part of team colours. this with Town Halls, How would Liverpool fans cathedrals, monuments react to the Reds turning out etc. right across the in black and white? Or country switching off ­ Everton in green? Or Arsenal in blue? but sadly, not so Rojales It could never happen, we council, who continue to all said. And even when burn lights unnecessari­ Malaysian maniac Vincent ly.

Tan bought Cardiff City and Just one example of this – and I doubt that it RECENT press reports quote a "fall" in the there have been less people coming, something that began mumbling about lucky is the only one – is the Alicante province population of 83,000 foreign­ has worsened in recent years as the crisis has affected colours, nobody dreamt the this group’’. In this sense, the professor recalls that Bluebirds would ever wear sports centre next to the ers in the past year, of which "over 40,000 European citizens such as the British "are not just here red feathers.

Norwegian school in Britons have returned home". as tourists but also for economic reasons". already £100m With Interesting reading, and according to the National Ciudad Quesada. This Well, I feel an awful lot more informed from that sports centre is open Statistics Office (INE) "lack of work and barriers to study, although the good professor goes on to remind invested in the club, Tan is from 8am to 8pm access the National Health Service" have been telling us: "We must remember that these are provisional fig­ unlikely to be leaving unless someone stumps up a for­ Monday to Saturday, factors. ures, and we must accept them with a certain caution, tune.

Now I don't know about everyone else, but I can't you would think then, although they allude to certain reasons why the British He could of course take that lights only need to remember a huge queue of removal vans where I live in have abandoned the province. money (if he can find it) the the past year.

When the crisis began there were many be on during the hours “Amongst others, lack of work, increased taxes, of darkness or twilight that "went home", but in the past year I can only more difficult access to healthcare, lack of incentive to and leave Cardiff to plummet to obscurity, as Portsmouth during this time and not remember one family I know calling in the ‘Removals’, go on the Padrón." have done following a suc­ when the centre is and that was for neither of the above reasons.

So we now feel completely enlightened, of course we So let's look at some more of the statistics.

"The closed. do. Now, had they bothered to ask ANYONE in the Rojales council prefer organisation (INE) obtained the Provisional figures know, like the people who actually work in the Town to burn the 14 street from the Padrón as of the 1st January 2014", which Halls and have all had to do a 10 YEAR review of the showed the total population of the Province at Padrón, it would all make perfect sense. type lamps all night 1,862,359, down from 1,945,642 a year earlier.

You see, there is a perfectly simple and logical expla­ every night – why? If it The story now becomes more confusing to the statis­ nation that Professor Huete could have saved an awful is a question of security ticians, saying: "The fall is more significant ­ and lot of study time on, and that is this... there is already a securi­ almost unique ­ that since the start of official figures in Every council wants people on the Padrón, the list of ty camera, linked direct­ 1857, it is entirely due to the decrease of the foreign residents from which the local government receives cession of financial crises. ly to the police station, population.

But he insists: "No way I money from Central and Regional government for covering this area. will change back to blue “The (Alicante) province is no exception, in that healthcare, education, major roads etc.

In addition to throwing Spain has lost 404,619 inhabitants, running at ownership. my So for 10 years at a time, we add as many people as under tax payers’ money 46,725,164, and the only foreign collective that has Perhaps they can find an we can. around on electricity increased at national level is.... the Chinese". (No dan­ People leave but they rarely ask to come off before owner who likes blue, pay up where it is not needed ger of cheap menus disappearing, then!) doing so. Therefore, when people like me get asked to and buy me out. Sure they Rojales council have We continue: "The INE counts foreigners in the "conduct a census of foreigners" by the INE every 10 can go and change it to blue just spent €9,000 on a province at 379,689, almost 90,000 less than in January years, they find that a huge amount of "residents" have after that. I go somewhere grandstand for seating of 2013, whilst, to the contrary, there are 6,445 MORE been dead, moved, or simply never actually lived in the and build another red club. up to 184 spectators at Spanish.

"In Asia, red is a colour of houses in which they were registered for many years. the municipal sports “The fall has been across all citizens from other So, every 10 years, local councils with a "transient success, festivity, joy. After centre.

European countries, something that just hasn't hap­ population" will have a jolt from the INE. It's just that we changed it, that same Apart from the envi­ pened in the last two decades. The case of the British this year, we are on the back of the worst financial cri­ season we got promoted. I ronmental aspect there is especially striking as this group has gone from sis in memory, and so the figures appear to be a sud­ think that was a good omen, is also the financial one, 130,541 to 91,287 in ONE year." den event when in fact, it's the result of a 10­year "re­ a good sign."

Not only are we more confused by now, but so, it adjustment".

Definitely, Vincent. A sign with so many people In the UK one would conduct a written census. Here, that Cardiff would become having their homes seems, are the authorities.

We now turn to the Department of Sociology from let's just say it's “less than thorough". the strongest team in the repossessed and being The figures quoted are just plucked "out of the sky". Premier League as soon as fed by Caritas and other Alicante University to offer an explanation: "We have charities this PSOE been studying this situation for a number of years, and The reality is absolutely a whole lot worse, but over the we got there. We’ve had to council needs to re­ expected the foreign population to fall, but not by so last six or seven years, not just 12 months. Benjamin be ­ we’ve spent the whole Disraeli's most famous quote will never be forgotten. much". season holding everyone think its priorities.

According to Professor Raquel Huete, "since 2005 PHIL HUGHES, El Raso else up.

J BILLET, Rojales Now clear off and give us back.

L E T T E R S A N D E M A I L S W I L L O N LY B E C O N S I D E R E D F O R P U B L I C AT I O N I F A N our club ALWAYS BE BLUE, A D D R E S S A N D C O N TA C T N U M B E R A R E P R O V I D E D (N O T F O R P U B L I C AT I O N) Torrevieja

LIES, DAMN LIES AND STATISTICS!

Red makes you tough, eh Vince?

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Friday, May 9, 2014

THE revelation that expats have been returning to the UK ''in droves'' will have come as an eye­opener for some.

Expats are fleeing Spain in droves, according to the latest statistics. But the figures don’t add up...

My radar tells me it’s just the blind leading the blind at the start of the British media’s annual Spain­bashing season.

The aggro kicked off with Spanish statisticians claiming 90,000 of us abandoned our sunshine dreamland last year in a desperate hunt for the joys of rain and rust.

The English media immediately put its own boot in, led by the Daily Telegraph’s typically boring appraisal that the economic crisis, lack of work and failing health among the elderly were to blame.

Not even the BBC disputed the figures ­ even when it was established they had come from local town halls. And, more specifically, from the Padron office.

Neither the national press nor the film crew despatched to the Costas by BBC’s The One Show felt any reason to delve beneath the surface.

Ninety thousand was 90,000 and that was that.

Fact.

Padron me, but who moni­ tored the ex­expats on their way out? Where were the Spanish bureaucracy’s red­ tape records revealing who exactly has left the country?

I mean, half the Brits with homes in Spain aren't even on the Padron, while the other half couldn't tell you why the damn thing exists.

As for how many actually have gone home (if indeed the number of Brits in Spain isn’t increasing), we all have mean luck. And, sure our own views.

One Show presenter Joe enough, back in London the Crowley repeatedly threw the programme editors chucked figure of 90,000 at me during my footage into the bin.

No complaints there, an hour of filming at my home in El Raso last week – and I because I had no wish to be part of a programme repeatedly chucked it back. misleading I had no idea at the time, dispensing but I was riding my chuck, I ‘facts’.

TAINTING BY NUMBERS...

q

Red and buried: One Show editors give my interview the final cut. Pictured right is Joe Crowley and (inset) Phill Smirke

Personally, I believe the Spanish dream is as vividly exciting as ever for the vast majority of Brits.

Th economic situation is also looking up ­ and had Joe spoken to local estate agents rather than voice­overed empty streets and For Sale

boards, he’d have been put right on the resurgent proper­ ty market.

The reality is that, against a backdrop of cranes and construction workers, a new building boom has begun.

Phill Smirke of The

MY return to the UK is on temporary hold ­ and fur a very good reason. I’m still undecided whether to take Tom and Dick with me, or find them a safe, loving home here. Cats don’t come any more affectionate than my two black beauties (they’re the big­eyed boys in the photo) and the cost of taking them back to the UK is relatively small. But since I’ll still be coming to Spain several times a year, I’ll inevitably face reg­ ular logistical problems.

Tom and Dick do everything together and splitting them up is out of the question.

So if you know anyone with double vision who is looking for a special companion for each eye, my email is donna@thecourier.es Meanwhile Harry, the third of my rescued triplets, is doing well. Struck down by feline leukaemia, my friend Lyndsey saved his life...and now they are inseparable.

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Property Shop is one of those professionals who insists the housing market is on the up.

He also maintains that, far from being forced to sell and leave the country, expats whose homes have plum­ meted in value since 2007 could well recoup every cen­ timo by 2019.

Admittedly, the lack of work remains a killer for young families, but most of the Brits settle here when they no longer need a job.

And while supermarket shopping can be as costly as the UK, where in England can you enjoy a three­course Chinese meal for a fiver?

In a country where a cou­

ple can dine out seven days a week for 100 quid (with a bottle of decent wine thrown in), it makes no sense that 90,000 would flee.

Ultimately, The One Show took a non­confrontational line, with a vox pop of expats producing predictable com­ ments. My friend and neigh­ bour Marjory Norris was suit­ ably unimpressed.

Like me, Marjory believes the expat community is grow­ ing rather than shrinking. ''It was much ado about nothing,'' was her verdict on the broadcast. Not quite an example of the blind leading the blind, then.

More like the bland lead­ ing the bland.

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Friday, May 9, 2014

Friday, May 9, 2014

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Friday, May 9, 2014

MY LIFE WITH ELVIS

I maintained a diary for years but today there is only one that survives.

Coincidentally, it is the one from 1964. And I can reveal that 50 years ago tonight, May 9th, I attended a party.

One of the girl guests was so weird that I became mor­ bidly fascinated by her wack­ iness and spent the evening conversing with her, strictly for my own amusement, you understand.

'That nutty female would have been me, then,' observed Mrs S icily the other day. In a desperate attempt to save myself from certain punitive payback, I panicked and responded: 'That magical occasion was stupendously fantastic because I saw my unborn children in your eyes and knew that I would be spend­ ing the rest of my life with you, my darling.'

'Yeah, sure!' snapped Mrs S. 'And a flight of Vietnamese pot­bellied pigs are currently soaring above the clouds on their way to Alicante for the

summer.'

Anyway, my diaries disap­ peared around the time Mrs S and I, together with our two children and a mongrel dog named Brian, moved house 36 years ago.

Something else that went missing in the same period was my collection of early Elvis Presley 78rpms. I reck­ on the records were stolen by one of the removal men.

My prime suspect wore his dyed jet­black hair in pom­ padour style with matching long sideboards. He saun­ tered around, swivelling his hips and humming Heartbreak Hotel under his breath. (Coincidentally, my dining room suite also includ­ ed a matching long side­ board.)

I actually confronted the removal man. 'Have you seen my Elvis records?' I asked. 'Me?' he queried, his lip curling. 'Nah, not me.

Can't stand the bloke. Give me Bing Crosby every time.'

And he wandered off, whistling White Christmas

off­key through lips now uncurled yet smugly pursed.

Okay, maybe I was wrong.

Possibly, the thief could have been one of the other removal men, a puny bloke who announced as he crossed my threshold to commence shifting stuff: 'I'm not allowed to lift anything heavy because I have a her­ nia.'

On second thoughts he probably wouldn't have been physically able to hoist my Elvis records. But on third thoughts it could have been possible because my collec­ tion comprised only three sin­ gles and was therefore light to lift.

Anyhow, I still wonder to this day what became of my other lost property ­­ the diaries. What if they had fall­ en into opportunistic hands?

That is why every time a world figure publishes his memoirs I sneak into my local bookshop to check if any of the celebrities' memo­ ries exactly match mine. In which case I shall sue for pla­

giarism.

Mrs S thinks my reasoning is hysterical. During our dis­ cussion the other day I had to hand her a tissue to wipe away the tears of derisory laughter which were rolling cheerfully down her cheeks. I asked sulkily: 'Well then, clever clogs, what's your the­ ory about the missing diaries? I happen to be a pro­ lific wordsmith and I find your facetious attitude dead horri­ ble.'

Mrs S blew her nose and responded with the damning opinion that my lost journals were so mind­numbingly dull that they might have sponta­ neously self­combusted out of sheer hopelessness. But surely, I pointed out, that process would have left behind a pile of ash or other similar evidence?

'Who are we to question the inscrutableness of scien­ tific phenomena,' mused Mrs S. But then, obviously aware that she had upset me, she added: 'I apologise for sug­ gesting that your diaries

caught fire because they ship. Now go fetch the mop, were boring. I mean if bore­ you've splashed coffee over dom was the criterion, then the carpet.'

As I skulked over to the how come your Courier columns have never burst broom closet, Mrs S called after me: 'About those disap­ into flames?'

I stormed into the kitchen pearing diaries, have you to make myself a consoling ever considered the man who was driving the cup of coffee and then removal van 36 charged back into years ago? the living room.

Didn't he 'Answer me run a this,' I chal­ paper­ lenged Mrs S. pulping 'If my journals business were that dull, on the how come my side?'

1964 diary escaped the same fate as the others and has been saved for posterity?'

'Ah,' said Mrs S. 'That's because it is the diary in which I AM first mentioned and although your remarks about me were disparag­ ing, at least I'm shown to be the more interest­ ing person in our relation­

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YORKIES HAVE THE CUTE FACTOR WHERE I live in Pinoso, I am surprised that the most popular dog many people have is a Yorkshire Terrier. The breed’s origins are from Scotland, but interestingly they became known as the Yorkshire Terrier when Scottish mill workers moved to the new mills of Yorkshire and took their dogs with them.

The size of the breed today is considerably smaller than their ancestors. Breeders started to produce a smaller dog since the 1950’s. It was in the 1960’s when the Yorkshire Terrier started to replace the then most popular toy dog, the Miniature Poodle and in North America this is the second most popular breed, with the Labrador still in first place.

They are certainly now the world’s most favourite lapdog and it is common to see them walking down the street with more hairdo’s than a celebrity out of Hello magazine! I must admit they do have the most amazing cute factor and if they are socialised properly, they get along with any­ thing that moves.

Because of their growing popularity, some peo­ ple started to breed them using little thought and it wasn’t long before nervousness became a common characteristic of this breed. Originally bred to catch rats, they are now more use to being pampered than working.

A very important factor when choosing the breed, is to never walk them on a collar and lead.

Always walk them on a harness, because pres­ sure should never be put on their windpipe. The reason for this is because they have a soft wind­ pipe which is vulnerable to collapsing. They can also suffer from slipping kneecaps. The breeds coat needs daily groom­

ing and care needs to be taken with their teeth, to avoid gum disease.

They become very attached to their owners and loyalty is high up on their list of qualities. One of the most alert dogs there are, they will alert you of strangers before you even know someone is approaching. They are very quick learners, given that you follow a consistent path with them.

They were originally known as the Broken­ haired Scottish Terrier and they are believed to have been developed from the Skye Terrier, Maltese Terrier, Black and Tan Terrier and the now extinct Clydesdale Terrier. They became known as the Yorkshire Terrier in 1889 when they were offi­ cially recognised by the British Kennel Club.

I think with breeds such as these, it is always important to make sure that the hair is not covering the eyes. Eyes are an important part of communi­ cation with other dogs and as well as this would you want to walk around with hair covering your eyes every day? They have come a long way from their origins in Scotland and Yorkshire and have also become the fashion trend setters of the dog world with their hairbands and jackets.

We have set up an animal charity, where we help the most severely abused and injured ani­ mals in Spain. If you would be kind enough to donate anything to this special cause you can do

by Paypal, where the account details are peter@thedogyouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60­16­03 and the account number is 73754900.

IBAN: GB83 NWBK 6016 0373 7549 00. BIC: NWBK GB 2L Even one Euro will help, so please, please, try and support us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? Amber 15 week female, lovely nature and stunning looks. We have lots of gor­ geous puppies to choose from at the moment. Find us on facebook “Paradise Kennels” or call 619 938 955

Le Roy is a young dog who has been castrated, chipped and his vaccinations are all up to date. He is good with all other dogs and likes ladies, but he is extremely strong on the lead. With training and patience by the instructor you would have a giant little dog.

Find us on facebook Finca La Castellana

CODY & BARNEY these 4 month old pups were picked up from the countrysi­ de near Almoradi.

They will probably be small to medium sized dogs and quite slim build, they are both very gentle natured dogs.

Please contact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Cody & Barney

Amber Born in October 2012, Beau is one of a litter of puppies who were left abandoned in a box when they were only weeks old. Boys and girls there are seven of them still living in the APAH kennels, waiting for their first home, and all very different in cha­ racter. To meet them please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Leroy Born in April last year, Saffron is a beautiful and friendly ginger female who was rescued as a tiny kitten.

She needs her first loving home and will be a lovely cat for someone to adopt. To visit the APAH Cattery, plea­ se contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Saffron

EYAS is one of eight puppies that were born at the ken­ nels. Their mother had been brought into us heavily preg­ nant and 4 days later gave birth to her babies. Eyas is now 11 weeks old and a healthy, bouncy, cheeky pup; she and her siblings have had the relevant puppy vac­ cinations so now they are ready to go to their new homes. Not one of them look like their mother who is a pretty Beagle type but they all have her long silky ears.

Please contact the kennels directly on 966710047 or email info@satanimalres­ cue.com

Born in June 2010, Apollo is a lovely, friendly boy and despite someone cutting his vocal chords, he still loves people. He will make a great companion, as he is friends with all dogs and people alike. To meet Apollo and the other APAH dogs, please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Apollo

Eyas

PRINCESS, approximately nion for that special someo­ ne. If you would like to 1 year old German meet her please call Shepherd Cross, was res­ cued walking the streets in Maureen or Linda on Quesada. She is a well 966716049. behaved girl with a calm, laid back temperament and is socialised with other dogs of all sizes and loves to play. She enjoys being with people and is very loving.

She is in good health and has been spaded, had all relevant injections and chip­ ped with her own passport.

She is currently being foste­ red but needs a permanent 'FOREVER' home. She will Princess make a wonderful compa­

Friday, May 9, 2014

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Friday, May 9, 2014

BE HAPPY FOR WHO WE ARE I´m not sure if it´s just me or if everyone else also feels that this year seems to be flying by. Already it´s May, with spring kicking in with a bang, and the weather get­ ting warmer as summer soon gets ready to knock on the door.

Along with the arrival of this time of year comes that annu­ al competition that we love to talk about. Whether we think it´s the best thing on TV or we love to hate it, it´s not some­ thing that many of us can avoid however hard some may want to! However I´m one of those who look forward to the evening as I make lists and get snacks and enjoy a fun few hours listening to the music and laughing with my friend. Of course I´m talking about the Eurovision Song Contest this Saturday which is my yearly foray into the music of Europe and the vastly different styles not only of the songs but also

of the clothes and fashion. I highly recom­ mend Eurovision to everyone, for a fun filled evening that can be enjoyed alone although it is better and more fun to have some company with you.

This article however is not just about Eurovision but about our ever changing atti­ tudes. Life is changing and sometimes it can feel that we have no control over it. As Europe changes and the population increases it´s easy to become blinkered and, dare I say it, racist, in our beliefs. I hope Eurovision is a timely reminder that wherever and whoever we are, we are all entitled to a life free from pain, free from fear. It may seem trite to quote this year’s UK entry but we really are all children of the uni­ verse, even though some seem to think they are better than others or deserve a better life.

What makes us unique is who we are on the inside, not who we appear to be on the out­ side or where we live or what possessions we own.

It is thanks to a quirk of fate that we were born in the place of our birth to the parents that we have, and it doesn´t make us any bet­ ter than a baby born into extreme poverty in Africa or a child in Syria. Even throughout Europe and in each country there is hardship, although the majority of people reading this I guess are at least comfortable in their lives and, although some of us have suffered immense pain or destitution we have always

had people at our side to help us through and for the simple reason that we are able to read this, shows that we made it through. Let´s enjoy the song contest on Saturday night; laugh at the artistes; sing along with the songs; try and find the number for the UK entry, Molly and phone in for her; and let´s also remember that we are privileged to be who we are and where we are and we should never take it for granted, neither should we deny those who are looking for a better life. I thank goodness that I was free to come and live in Spain, and that I had that opportunity and that I´ve managed to stay here. This Saturday night, once again Racheal and I will be sat with our score sheets marking the songs, no doubt disagreeing on our choices but also I, for one, will be sparing a thought for those who are in the countries partici­ pating and being thankful for what I have and where I am.

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Friday, May 9, 2014

THE AGE OF RUBBISH RAIL

Do you remember the hal­ cyon days of UK train trav­ el with the rubbish British Rail and their vomit­induc­ ing toilets and a buffet car that was full of pork pies that would later reappear as scud missiles?

They even had the vile pervert Jimmy Savile as the face of their TV adverts bestowing “The Age of the Train!” Now a bunch of

prospective Labour MPs that were only in nappies when we had to endure these joke train services, want to bring back BR! These idiots have written to Ed Miliband calling on him to renationalise the railways for the public good!

God knows what the cost would be but at least the Labour boss has thrown out this bonkers proposition.

Now if they had called on

him to take public ownership for the safety and upkeep of the actual lines, they would have a sensible point, as the Tories should never ever have allowed the creation of Railtrack (now called Network Rail), with all the problems that it caused in compromising safety for profit. It’s all a useful reminder though that there are people shuffling around

the background of Labour that have their own agendas, and costly ones at that, that just don’t make any sense at all.

Another nutter that’s been tweeting trash in the UK has been forced to quit a political party, and this time we have a Tory as opposed to a UKIP member.

A local council candidate in Essex, David Bishop, has resigned from the Conservatives after saying that Islam was the religion of rape and made homophobic comments. Meanwhile, back at the UKIP ranch, a guy called Harry Perry who is standing in Stockport, has been suspended for saying that Islam was evil and that homosexuality was an abom­ ination, as well as describing David Cameron as a “gay loving nutcase.” What is it with these people that are so keen to get onto a social net­ work site and to spout their bile? I’d suggest that a few of these comments may be posted after some suste­ nance at a local bar!

q

David Cameron has q said that the economy is enjoying a “great British revival”. That statistically is true with all the indicators showing the UK economy is on the march, but the big problem is that nobody is leaping around and doing cartwheels as people feel the squeeze. Pay packets have not kept pace espe­ cially with the huge energy price rises, but with a year to

go before the general elec­ tion, Cameron has to work out how he can translate into the votes, the economic turn­round that he has engi­ neered as leader of the coalition. It won’t be easy as voters tend to have very short memories and tend to forget who got the country into the economic mess in the first place, unless Ed Balls opens his mouth again.

SEPA. MEANS SAFE AND EFFICIENT PAYMENTS IN SPAIN. What is SEPA? The Single Euro Payments Area (SEPA) is making euro payments faster, safer and more efficient within the 34 EU countries. It enables customers to make cashless euro payments to anyone within the EU. What are the ways to pay using SEPA? 1. SEPA credit transfer A single way to transfer funds nationally or anywhere within the EU. 2. SEPA direct debit Now charges can be made directly to an account in one EU country for services provid­ ed by a company based in another country.

3. SEPA for cards Customers can conveniently use the same cards they use for national purchases, any­ where in Europe. Merchants will accept all cards, making payment processes easier and more attractive.

SEPA standards required for full introduction 1. IBAN IBAN is the International Bank Account Number that identifies your account anywhere in the world. With a maximum of 34 digits it includes the following in order: 2 digits country code 2 digits check digit 30 digits (max) account identification specific to each country UK IBAN example: GB19 LOYD 3096 1700 7099 43 2. BIC BIC (Bank Identifier Code) numbers will be phased out for cross­border payments by February 2016.

3. PAYMENT CARDS All payment cards will be migrated from magnetic strip to EMV chip. There is currently no date for completion.

Timeline for the SEPA process The process began in 1999 and is now in the final migration phase.

February 2014: Credit transfers and direct debits in the EU should be carried out in accordance with the standards mentioned above. A six month transition period is being introduced.

February 2016: For niche products with specific characteristics a longer transition phase is made for in some countries.

31 October 2016: EU member states with non­euro currencies must adhere to stan­ dards set for credit transfers and direct debits in euros, by this end date.

SEPA indicators. Key facts at a glance.

SEPA credit transfers as a % of total EU transactions is 93.9%* SEPA direct debit as a % of total transactions is 80.3%* EMV transactions as a % of total transactions is 79.6%** *February 2014­03­21 **June 2013 We hope this information provided in this article is of interest.

If you would like to contact Linea Directa please call 902 123 104 More information on Linea Directa online at www.lineadirecta.com

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Friday, May 9, 2014

A FINE OLD SCAM

I’ve been the victim of what I can only describe as a ´legal´ Spanish trick ­ which has cost me 110 Euros! Last September, my wife and I were driv­ ing on the last leg of our annual trek back to the Costa after spending the summer in the UK. Somewhere south of Zaragoza I did something wrong ­ I know not what, but last week, via my solici­ tor, the supposed transgression cost me a 110 Euro penalty, far more than it otherwise would have been if the authorities could have found me! The traffic fine finally reached me via my solicitor and when I exam­ ined the documents the name of the road where we live in Spain was right, but the number was absent, as it contained the numbers originally listed on the development documents, 15 years ago, plus the post­ code which covers many hundreds of properties. So I never received the fixed penalty fine, until now, and, of course, the fine had doubled! The Suma office where I pay my car tax, the town hall, bank, you name it, all have my correct address, so why haven´t the Spanish traffic office? Goodness knows. But it´s a wonderful scam to send a penalty notice out with only half of an address, and then double the penalty when the fine isn´t paid in time. Naturally, if that had happened in the UK I would be banging on someone´s desk, but how do you get any sense in Spain? And not only that, the notice doesn´t give me a clue what I´m supposed to have done ­ it´s just a series of codes and my Spanish speaking solicitor was none the wiser either. Come on Spain ­ get yourselves into the 21st century. Send out meaningful fixed penalty notices, to the right addresses, and, for goodness sake, if you are going to have postcodes, have them which are fit for purpose. Take a look at the UK postcode system which identifies in the code right down to the street, which means people are far more likely to receive their mail. So, Zaragoza police, have a free meal or two on me ­ goodness knows what I´m supposed to have done, but after 49 years of motoring without a blot on my licence, I suppose I had it coming!

q

This is not the only brush with the police that I have encountered in the last week. Firstly, I want to tell you that I have been trained to advanced driving standard by a police driving instructor. The guys teach the police how to drive in a way you see on TV when they are chasing offend­ ers, complete with defensive driving techniques, and so there´s not much wrong with my driving (at least I think so).

Anyway. I was driving south down the dual carriageway from The Boulevard to La Zenia roundabout in Orihuela Costa, and wanted to turn left, so I got into the left hand lane. I entered the inside lane of the roundabout with my indicator indicating left. Two Guardia Civil motor cyclists entered the roundabout from the N332 eastbound and undercut me, without any indication.

I had one on my front wing, the other on my rear wing and I was concentrating on both. I wanted to turn eastbound onto the N332 and so I indicated right. The motorcyclist slightly in front started to slow, so I slowed, he slowed more, so I slowed more to match. Then he stopped in front of me,

so I stopped. I beckoned him to go but he refused. Then he shouted a string of abuse at me and shouted at me to go around the roundabout. I thought discretion the best action, so I went around the roundabout, followed by the two who wanted to go all the way around the roundabout, back the way they came, with me indicating, but with them still not indicating. If any UK police driving instructor had seen these two and what they did, they would never have got on police motor cycles again! I can understand motor cyclists, espe­ cially in Spain, have to take extra care at roundabouts because of the crazy roundabout rules here and the many idiots who do just what they like without ever indicating. And the guy in the lead bike did not know I was watching him and his mate all the time they were on the roundabout. The UK has roundabout rules which dictate that anyone going more than half way around go to the inside lane, indicating all the time and change indication on the junction prior to their exit. Not so in Spain, which is completely out of sync with the rest of Europe, requiring people to go round the roundabout on the outside lane (unless they are overtaking) and not indicate until they are exiting. On that basis, there´s not much point in having any inside lane on a roundabout!

It´s because of this craziness there are so many cars with damage down the sides of their vehicles in Spain. Just go round any car park and count them. At present there´s a European Union and before it disintegrates, it would be extremely useful to devise a common EU highway code which everyone should learn. The number of accidents would then drop dramatically. Or is there a vested interest in having so many cars damaged in order to boost the new car trade?

q

Well folks, it´s started...something I was predicting for a few years now, and we can expect a lot more to come. I refer to the recent news that 185 branches of Subway in Britain and Ireland are dropping ham and bacon from their menus and serving halal meat ­ to please Muslims. In a statement, the sandwich chain said: "Following a strong demand from our Muslim customers", 185 outlets in the UK and Ireland have introduced the meat, which is prepared under strict Islamic rules.

Muslims are forbidden from eating any non­halal food and meat from pigs and Subway said customers can identify

those stores selling halal food by the special 'All meats are Halal' sign, which must be displayed in participating branches. In the halal­only branches, ham and bacon has been substituted for turkey ham and rashers, which I think taste of nothing.

Traditionally, in halal abattoirs, the throats of the ani­ mals are cut while they are fully conscious ­ an act many campaigners say is inhumane and needlessly cruel. In non­halal abattoirs, livestock are stunned before killing to prevent any unnecessary suffering.

Some halal butchers also practise pre­stunning, though it is not permitted by some Islamic scholars.

Well true Brits, the days of the good old British breakfast are numbered. The smell of pork sausages and rashers of bacon cooking in the tradi­ tional greasy spoon cafe will be no more in a few years’ time. And I can see the day coming when you won´t find pork sausages and bacon on the super­ market shelves, and it will be goodbye to lovely pork chops.

And we will have no choice but to eat halal meat or go vegetarian to avoid eating an animal which has had its throat cut without being stunned first.

And why? Because Britain failed to heed the warnings from Enoch Powell decades ago and instead dubbed him racist.

In Britain, killing an animal without prior stunning is illegal, but the law gives special exemption to Muslim and Jewish meat producers on the grounds of religion. It´s about time that Britain stopped this absolute nonsense. If it´s cruel to treat animals in this way, then it´s cruel no matter what and just because it was done that way centuries ago when peo­ ple knew no better, does not make it right now ­ religion or no religion.

OK, Jeremy Clarkson is not the brightest in the pack, q renowned for opening his mouth without engaging brain. But he certainly didn´t deserve the furore over reciting the nursery rhyme Eeny, Meeny, Miny Moe ´N´ word when trying to make a decision over two different cars. It must be appalling to be anyone in the national spotlight these days, with so many watching, listening and recording every action and word with the sole purpose of selling a story for big bucks. The word uttered by Clarkson wasn´t even broad­ cast, so it must have been one of the recording crew who rushed to the Press. And it certainly doesn´t need the likes of deputy Labour leader Harriet Harman to weigh into the furore to call for the BBC to sack Jeremy Clarkson over the use of the "n­word", which only a very few people actually heard until such a fuss was made, and there was doubt whether he actually used the word rather than 'slurring' it.

The black minority in Britain are more than capable of defending themselves and it doesn´t need others trying to stir up more trouble for political purposes.

Every month that it continues unchecked, the property price boom in the UK becomes more serious.

I am delighted that new mortgage applicants now face tougher questions about their lifestyle before they are grant­ ed a mortgage, and may, as a result, get offered a lower loan than they were hoping for. This may slow the house price bubble down, but it is unlikely to be enough. The prob­ lem in the housing market is that demand is greatly outstrip­ ping supply, thanks to years of underbuilding of new homes.

Add to this the influx of buyers, particularly from Eastern Europe eager to snap up luxury homes in the capital as a safe financial haven, new immigrants and baby boomers trying to get on the housing ladder and you´ve got a crisis in the making. The danger is that prices could crash as quickly as they have risen, simply because of its long­term unsustainability, leaving thousands of people in negative equity. And if interest rates start rising, as they inevitably will, there will be a perfect storm. I´ve long said that young people today mistakenly think they can have all the pleas­ ures in life ­ eating out, boozing, expensive trips to the gym, hairdressers and shopping trips, lovely holidays, lavish weddings, stag and hen do´s in exotic places and still have money to fund a mortgage. Sadly life´s not like that for almost everyone and the new mortgage rules may bring people back down to earth rather than live in a financial dreamland. It may have been possible a few decades ago to rely on house price rises and be able to borrow more on mortgages to fund a lavish lifestyle, but those days are long gone, and this present financial bubble won´t be around long enough to bring about its return.

q

Friday, May 9, 2014

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Friday, May 9, 2014

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 121 As the weeks seem to be going by so quickly, for me at least, I thought it a good time to remind you all of the road to Spanish. Although I say it is a marathon, not a sprint, the way time is passing it will, by the time you can speak Spanish well, although not seem like it was a sprint it may seem like it was just a rather long race. Time goes quickly and there are always other things that get in the way of learning, or so it seems, however, as I always remind my students the learning process doesn´t only involve hours staring at books, and especially learning a new craft, which I think learning a languge is. Rather it involves practical work, you have to learn the words, then put them into sentences and then use them and understand them when they are said to you, that´s why it´s a craft. it´s something which involves hands on experience, like learning a musical instrument or a new sport, after all you couldn´t learn to play a guitar without picking one up or learn ten­ nis without touching a raquet. That´s why the practical experience of talk­ ing and hearing Spanish is a vital part of learning. With that in mind, go out and do it, ¡hazlo! You are the only person who can push yourself, your family, friends and teacher can only do so much, in the end it´s up to you. My Spanish improved vastly when I started translating for friends. I had to speak, I learnt new words and not talking wasn´t an option. It was scary at first of course but it was worth it because it built up my confidence to a point where talking to people wasn´t something to fear and if I didn´t understand I found the confidence to admit it and ask for a

repetition.

So keep that in mind as you continue with your Spanish and if you don´t think your level is good enough for a conver­ sation with another person, then try out your new phrases on yourself, hear the words, get used to the sounds, and above all, have fun!

This week we are going to talk about two verbs that have a very similar meaning, they are pedir and preguntar. The meaning of those two verbs is basically: to ask, however they are used in completely different circumstances and are not interchangeable, unlike, for example the verbs, entender and comprender which both mean ´to understand´ and it

doesn´t matter which one we use, pedir and preguntar have to be used correctly.

First the conjugations of the verbs:(see table) So what is the difference and when do we use each one?

The difference between the two are quite straightforward.

Pedir means to ask for, or request an object, service or favour.

Pido más pan – I ask for more bread, pedimos ahora – we order now (ask for service) Preguntar means to ask a question or request informa­ tion: Pregunto que hora es – I ask what time it is, pregunta­ mos a qué hora sirven la cena – we ask what time they serve dinner.

Remember to use the correct verb depending on the situ­ ation, we tend to use preguntar a lot more because we learn it due to the word for ´question´ una pregunta, and this may help you remember when to use it but now you know when not to and when to go for pedir instead.

Here are some translations for you to try: 1.Vamos a ________________ el dinero.

We are going to ask for the money, 2. Juan _____________ más comida.Juan asks for more food, 3.

Voy a ___________________a qué hora cierran las puertas. I'm going to ask what time they close the doors, 4. Los niños siempre _______________________ regalos. The children always ask for presents, 5. María _______________________cuándo empieza la fiesta. Maria asks when the party begins. 6. El chico le _____________________________ a la chica ¿cuál es tu número de teléfono? The boy asks the girl for her tele­ phone number.

Next week we will have the answers and some more revi­ sion. Have a great week and remember ´Spanish is Fun´.

Friday, May 9, 2014

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Friday, May 9, 2014

Medical Astrology: What Is It and How Does It Work?

When one thinks of astrology, the study of stars and their interpretations into human characters (star signs) come to mind. While medical astrology won't give you an update on your star sign or an indication of what is going to happen in your love life or career, it can help to determine strengths and weak­ nesses within the human body. Furthermore, medical astrologers can also pinpoint the state of a disease or pick up things like nutri­ tional deficiencies and healthy considera­ tions by simply studying and analysing your medical astrology chart or natal chart.

Medical astrology all works according to the influence of the sun, the moon, the stars and planets as well as the twelve signs of the zodiac: Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Gemini, Taurus, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius. It is basically a code that has been developed to associ­ ate specific astrological elements and plan­

ets with various regions of the body.

When looking at medical astrology and the star signs, the human body is segment­ ed into twelve levels, each one representing a specific astrological sign or star sign. If you were to look at the body from head to toe, it would be sliced up, with the first sign of the zodiac on top (Aries) and the last sign of the zodiac (Pisces) at the bottom. Each level represents different body regions: • The head, brain, face and eyes would be represented by Aries.

• The neck and throat, as well as the thy­ roid gland and vocal tract would be repre­ sented by Taurus.

• The shoulders, arms, hands and lungs would be represented by Gemini, as would the nervous system and the brain.

• The chest and breasts, stomach and ali­ mentary canal would be represented by Cancer.

Taking drugs is not the hard answer

• The chest, heart, spine, spinal column and the upper portion of the back would be represented by Leo. • The digestive system, together with the intestines, nervous system and spleen would be represented by Virgo.

• The lumbar region or lower region of the spine would be represented by Libra, as would the kidneys, buttocks and the skin.

• The reproductive system, together with the sexual organs in both male and female, would be represented by Scorpio. This sign also represents the excretory system and bowels.

• The hips and thighs as well as the liver and sciatic nerve, which is the longest and widest single nerve in the body, would be represented by Sagittarius.

• The skeletal system, which includes the joints and the knees, would be represented

by Capricorn.

• The circulatory system as well as the calves and ankles would be represented by Aquarius.

The planets are also associated with cer­ tain portions and functions within the body.

For example, the Sun represents the heart, spine and general vitality, while Mars repre­ sents the muscles, adrenal glands and the sense of smell and taste.

A qualified and competent medical astrologer is able to draw up a natal chart based on the date, month and year of birth, time of birth and place of birth. He would then typically analyse the chart to identify strengths and weaknesses within certain areas of the body. Using the twelve zodiac signs as well as the planets, medical astrologers can also identify the possibility and tendency towards various diseases and their states, as well as pick up nutritional deficiencies.

A session with a medical astrologer would most likely be required by individuals who either have a specific disease, a hereditable condition or for general health and under­ standing how the influence of astrology can lead to a better quality of life.

Medical astrologers have also been used to help patients determine the exact time of an operation for an optimum and successful outcome.

Although medical astrology can help to identify the workings of an individual's human body, it is always advisable to get a medical consultation before attempting treatment, and medical astrology should merely be used as a guide to good health.

IS YOUR SWIMMING POOL MAKING YOU ILL? DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

Erectile Dysfunction is much more com­ mon than most people realise and affects up to 80 % of men at some stage in their lives.

It may be due to stress, tiredness, medica­ tion, hormonal problems, hypertension, ill­ ness such as diabetes, or anxiety about per­ formance. The problem here is that the more anxious the man becomes the more the part in question refuses to play the Game and this sets up a vicious circle.

If Erectile Dysfunction is due to one of the above obvious causes the answer is to address the issue in question. However many cases occur for no obvious reason and it is these that we need to be able to help with a variety of different approaches.

If the dysfunction lasts for more than a couple of weeks then it is always wise to consult a medical practitioner as there may be an underlying physical cause that needs treatment. It may be a symptom of a more serious problem which needs investigation.

Many men are too reticent to go to their doctor, especially over here if we don’t speak the language and many resort to buying Viagra, Cialis and other similar drugs and often on the internet.

This really is not a good idea as these

drugs have a host of side effects, some very serious and I would advise taking these only on the recommendation of their doctor.

So as this is the first of a three part article I want anyone who is suffering from this problem for more than 2 weeks to go to the doctor in the next week and discuss the problems with him or her.

In my next article I am going to tell you about the different treatments available for the problem and in the final article I will be giving you information about natural thera­ pies that you can easily obtain.

The other consideration is to increase the body’s levels of nitric oxide (NO) as nitric oxide is the natural substance primarily responsible for causing and maintaining an erection. L­arginine is involved in this process and therefore this week step up your intake of grains, seeds, beans, nuts and chocolate. You can also buy L­arginine from health food shops and is considered to be very safe to take. However if you have can­ cer or any form of herpes consult with your doctor before taking this supplement.

Contact us today: on 966 191 514 / 722 219 450 or email info@slimfit­europe.com

Life in the Spanish Costas will certainly not be the same without swim­ ming pools. But not many people are aware of the health hazards associated with the by­products of chlorine, which is used to sanitize swimming pools. A recent study at the University of Cordoba in Spain found that a group of deadly chemical by­prod­ ucts of chlorine called haloacetic acids (HAAs) was present in the urine of swimmers less than 30 minutes after they emerged from a treated pool.

The hazardous effect of chlorine on human health has been known for many years and since then a number of alternative non­ chlorine based pool purifi­ cation methods have been developed. Some of these metal­based methods are still more expensive than chlorination but their prices are on the decline due to

increased consumer inter­ est. The most common uses copper and silver with an ionizer.

The use of metals in water disinfection tech­ niques is not new. Early Greek and African civiliza­ tions used copper and sil­ ver goblets and vessels for drinking and storage pur­ poses. The low solubility of these metals served as a natural, controlled release mechanism which added trace amounts of these ions to the water. Such amounts were high enough to purify the liquid without affecting the taste. Today silver and copper metals are effective alternatives to chlorine for purifying swim­ ming pools. Charged cop­ per and silver particles interact with the outer membranes of bacteria, fungus, algae and viruses causing their destruction.

Copper also stops the growth of algae by inhibit­

ing photosynthesis.

Furthermore, silver destroys highly resilient pathogens such as Legionella (the bacteria that causes Legionnaires Disease). In fact, many hospitals around the world use a copper and silver ion­ ization system to purify drinking water. Another alternative to chlorine is a new device called Floatron, a solar energy copper ion­ izer that floats on the sur­ face of the pool.

Since many studies have shown a correlation between high toxic chemi­ cal load in the body and increased incidence of chronic disease, it pays us to do as much as we can to reduce or eliminate sources of chemical con­ tamination.

FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN – CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965071745

Friday, May 9, 2014

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Friday, May 9, 2014

HEART OF THE MATTER

Q

I have a family history of heart dis­ ease. 2 of my brothers have now had a cardiac bypass. What can I do to pre­ vent suffering a similar fate?

A

The main cause of heart disease that eventually leads to cardiac surgery is Atherosclerosis, which is a disorder causing the hardening and narrowing of the arteries.

In general, the symptoms that occur will depend on the part of the body affected.

When it occurs in the coronary arteries, which are the arteries that supplies blood to the heart, it may eventually cause cardio­ vascular disorders. As you have a strong family history of heart disease, it is important for you to understand the associated risk factors. Smoking cigarettes is the main cause of heart disease especially with a family history. Cigarette smoke contains over 4000 chemicals, and many of these chemicals have been linked to all kinds of chronic disease. Ideally no one should smoke, but for some reasons some people cannot give up the habit. For such people, a regular detox with Pectasol will certainly help reduce the harmful effects of cigarette toxins. Pectasol is a scientifically tested agent that binds to heavy metals and toxins in our cells. And these toxins are known to cause cardiovascular disease. A diet rich in fruits, nuts, beans, fish, poultry, eggs, low amounts of red meat such as the

Mediterranean diet has been shown to pre­ vent or reduce the incidence of cardiovascu­ lar disease. Vegetables, fruits, red wine are high in the antioxidants: carotene and flavonoids. Anti­oxidants are very powerful in preventing cardiovascular disease because they are very effective in neutraliz­ ing toxins that damage the heart and arter­ ies known as free radicals. Tomatoes con­ tain lycopene, another powerful antioxidant.

Red wine is rich in the antioxidants flavonoids and polyphenols. These protect the heart and blood vessels against the damaging effects of free radicals, and also neutralise chemicals that cause inflamma­ tion. Legumes, fruits and vegetables lower cholesterol levels. Omega­3 fatty acids pro­ tects the heart in many ways, by lowering ‘bad’ cholesterol levels, preventing platelets from clumping together and blocking arter­ ies, improving the lining and flexibility of arteries to prevent atherosclerosis, and also improving oxygen and blood supply to the heart as well as lowering blood pressure.

Omega­3 (28 Euros) and Pectasol (112gram powder; 83.94 Euros) are available from MedB Health Shop. Call 965071745.

Delivery is free.

PROTECT AND HEAL YOUR BODY WITH BOVINE COLOSTRUM

Colostrum is our first food of life. It was designed by nature to defend and protect us

from infections, and to help us grow and develop. Most mammals including cows die if they do not receive colostrum immediately after birth. Colostrum has unsurpassed immune, autoimmune, allergy, gastrointesti­ nal, athletic, diet and anti­aging properties. It is our first antibiotic and antiviral therapy.

Colostrum has had more continued use than any other health product in all cultures throughout the world. It is also the most clin­ ically studied nutritional substance we know of. Humans produce relatively small amounts of colostrum in the first two days after giving birth, but cows produce about 9 gallons (36 L) of colostrum. Bovine colostrum can be transferred to all other mammals, and is 10 times richer in immune factors than human colostrum. Colostrum has been demonstrated in the lab to be effective against deadly viruses, including HIV, flu, and rotavirus. Researchers in Italy proved that colostrum was three times more effective in protecting against the flu than the flu vaccine or any other remedy. It has been said by experts that ‘without colostrum we would be extinct’. Colostrum contains several growth factors, and stimulates lean muscle, bone, brain and nerve tissue growth and development. Even more amazing is that Colostrum activates and stimulates immune responses to pathogens including viruses, bacteria, and fungus. It not only

wards off their attacks, but primes the body to provide an immediate defence if they return. Colostrum also activates the creation and accelerated function of our immune cells such as macrophages and Natural killer cells, making them 20 times more effective. Natural killer cells seek out and destroy cancer cells in the body. Colostrum also contains 3 enzymes that bind to bacte­ ria and destroys them. Also present in colostrum is lactoferrin. Lactoferrin is a pro­ tein that transports iron to red blood cells and helps to deprive viruses and harmful bacteria of iron they need to thrive.

Colostrum’s benefits are universal and always available no matter what your age.

Colostrum can be purchased in health food shops and pharmacies. But beware. It is extremely difficult to find the real thing. A study done showed that most of the colostrum sold contained less than the required 16 % immunoglobulin needed for colostrum to be effective. Many contained less than 5% immunoglobulins. You can pur­ chase your colostrum from MedB clinic. Our colostrum is of the highest quality, and has been clinically tested by us. It contains 21% immunoglobulins, and available in powder and capsules. Colostrum is retailed by MedB Health Shop – 60 Capsules (25 Euros), 150 gram powder (80 Euros). Call 965071745. Free Delivery

Friday, May 9, 2014

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Friday, May 9, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

PUT YOUR SHIRT ON IT BLOKES WANT TO

WASH SHOCK!

People will have to get shirty when walk­ ing round Mallorca’s capital Palma, or face a fine of up to 600 Euros if they are topless after leaving the beach. The new law is part of a plan to clean up the image of Palma City.

“Obviously the ban won’t apply to the boardwalk or streets adjacent to the beach,” Alvaro Gijón, tourism head for the island’s capital of Palma, said in a press confer­ ence. “(The ban) is for the city centre, shops, museums, public transport and public benches.”

“I’ve never seen this problem in leading destinations such as London, Paris, Berlin or Amsterdam, and as we want to carry on being one too, we don’t want to transmit the wrong image.”

Other measures set to be introduced aim to tackle the problem of balcony jumping, the so­called balconing, as well as “fake begging” of a coercive nature, with fines ranging from 200 to 400 Euros. Those who are caught soliciting prostitutes can expect similar penalties, whilst dog owners will be fined if they’re caught turning a blind eye to their pooches’ business.

Male students at a Madrid college have got into a spin in trying to scrap rules banning men from using the resi­ dence's laundry or from entering female residents' rooms. Despite repeated calls for its antiquated rules to be updated, the powers that be at the Duque de Ahumada de la Guardia Civil residence in the capital have so far resis­ ted pressure to move into the 21st century.

Up until now, male students wanting to do their own laundry have been told to quietly find female friends to do it for them or send it out to a laundromat. (All students appar­ ently have access to an off­site laundry service, the cost of which is included in their monthly fees). According to the code of conduct at the residence, which is only open to the children and grandchildren of Guardia Civil officers, specifies that "use of the washing machines by male residents will result in expulsion, ranging from 15 days to three months, from the residence".

The association that represents Guardia Civil officers is demanding that the rule be

changed. "What is being asked of residents is obsolete, unjust, sexist and borderline ridiculous," said Francisco Cecilia, of the Unified Guardia Civil Association. "In today's world, it makes no sense that male residents would have to secretly pass their clothes to a female or visit a laundromat to do their laundry."

There have been other complaints from students unable to enter their female friends' rooms and encountering frequent problems when receiving visitors. However, any student looking to change the rules, through taking action against management, risks immediate expulsion.

she will presumably use with her partner.

The public response has been overwhelm­ ingly negative, with many young men and women voicing their discontent via social network sites. The complaints led Desigual to cut the scene of the young woman making holes in the condoms from the TV version, showing the before and after as an insinua­ tion only.

The world’s most expensive restaurant is open in Ibiza, with Glitzy Sublimotion offering cus­ tomers a twenty­course ‘gastro­sensory’ meal for a cool one and a half thousand Euros per head.

Based at the island’s new Hard Rock hotel, in Playa d’en Bossa, it only has covers for 12 guests each night in a specifically designed room. They will be treated to a luxurious meal enhanced by visual, audio and aromat­ ic stimulants.

Double Michelin starred chef Paco Roncero is behind the project, who has five restaurants around the world and trained at the legendary El Bulli in Catalunya. The ‘micro­environment’ – where the food is

eaten – will constantly change with light shows and moving pictures to highlight stages of the meal, such as the arrival of dessert.

“The micro­environments depend on the cook, who is the emitter,” explains Roncero.

“The receiver is the diner, and the dish is the message and the setting is the channel.”

PRICK IS WRONG STUFF

A TV ad by Spanish clothing company Desigual has caused a stir by showing a young woman sticking a pin into condoms as a means of falling pregnant more easi­ ly. The fashion brand Desigual launched its new TV ad ahead of last Sunday’s Mothering Day under the slo­ gan: “You decide”, the same one many pro­ choicers are using in their protest against Spain’s stringent new abortion laws. It showed an attractive, young woman putting a pillow under her dress and looking at her­ self in the mirror as she imagines herself pregnant. It then cut to a close­up of her with a pin in her mouth, with the uncensored ver­ sion showing how she pricks the condoms

THE TIP

Friday, May 9, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

25

I AM THE ONE!

By Sandra Piddock

As Malvolio says in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, ‘Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.’ Well, if you count being inter­ viewed for BBC TV’s The One Show as achieving greatness, then this old expat has done it at the ripe old age of 61! I’m a freelance writer, and since coming to Spain in 2008, I’ve managed to build up a reasonable living writing for expat sites, running a blog on Eye On Spain and working for pri­ vate clients all over the world. Not the sort of private clients who peruse the personal classifieds in The Courier, you understand – I’d hate for anyone to get the wrong impres­ sion!

Like many British expats, I was stunned and a bit sceptical about the breaking news last week that almost a quarter of the British expats in Spain – 90,000 or so – had decided to return to the UK for various reasons. After 6 years of writing about matters Spanish, sometimes the inspiration dries up a bit, so I pounced on the chance to do an opinion piece on the news. It’s here if you want to take a look: h t t p : / / w w w. e y e o n s p a i n . c o m / b l o g s / w r i t e r i n ­ spain/12775/90000­Brits­may­have­left­Spain­but­this­ one­is­staying­.aspx

I wrote the post on a Friday morning, and on Friday evening, I had a message via Twitter from a BBC researcher. My blog post had come up in the search results, and they were flying out to Spain on the Saturday morning to film various expats who were either leaving or staying. As an emphatic stayer, they wanted me on camera. The researcher Laura called me to discuss arrangements, and when she said they were filming in Almeria – over 100 miles away – it seemed like my media career would be over before it had even begun. So I was rather excited when she offered to come to my home at La Finca, Algorfa to interview me.

As we chatted, Laura asked me why I thought people were leaving Spain in droves, and I said I was a bit cynical about the figures. After all, they are based on numbers on the Padron, and since nobody is actually marched down to the Ayuntamiento and forced to sign up, how do they know these figures are accurate? And how did they get hold of the figures anyway? We are told that this information is not shared with other organisations, but clearly that’s not the case.

I’m also not totally convinced by people’s reasons for heading back. For example, one often cited reason is the cost of living. Having spent 4 months in the UK last year when my daughter had a stroke, I can categorically say that we eat much cheaper and much better here in Spain than we do in the UK, and I told Laura this. That gave her the bright idea to film my interview at the market, so we arranged to head for Zoco Market, just outside Algorfa on Sunday around noon.

As Sunday approached, I was getting a bit nervous. I’ve been on television before – I was on Mastermind in 2008 and got to the Grand Final, so you’d have thought this would have be a walk in the park. The thing is, when I was on Mastermind I knew what I had to do – sit in the black chair, concentrate on the questions and answer as many as I could, as quickly as I could.

This time I was on camera talking to a presenter and expressing my views on life in Spain. Would I dry up? Would I sound like a complete idiot? Would I have a fit of the gig­ gles? Even worse, what if some of those noises that we ladies of a certain age tend to emit at times from various bits of the body decided they wanted to be on the telly as well?

I was beginning to wish I’d never agreed to it.

I needn’t have worried, though. The crew were very friend­ ly, not a bit arty tarty at all, and they stressed that they just wanted me to act naturally, and talk to Joe – the presenter – as if we’d just met up in the market and were chatting about the Brits going back. Which is exactly how it’s going to appear on camera, from what I’ve been told.

It was all rather relaxed and jolly, and the Spanish stall holders were fascinated when I explained to them – in my best Spanish of course – that they were going to be on the on the BBC so everyone in the UK could see how wonderful their fruits and vegetables were. That was the cue for them to bombard myself and the film crew with samples of straw­

berries, melons, oranges, bananas, grapes, Serrano ham, cheese, nuts and olives. In fact the film crew said they’d eaten so much that they would be able to save the BBC the cost of lunch. So our fun loving Spanish market traders have actually saved the British taxpayers a bit of cash. It gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, doesn’t it? No? Oh well, please yourselves!

The Sunday lunchtime shoppers were all fascinated by the whole thing too, and while nobody actually asked me for my autograph, I did start to feel like something of a celebrity with all the attention. I was quite chuffed when I was able to tell Joe that my 6 kilos of oranges, 3 melons, 4 apples, bunch of bananas and 2 red peppers, plus a kilo of strawber­ ries, came to the princely sum of just over 6 Euro. That proved my point that you can live cheaply here, and it took two people to carry my stuff back to the car.

The filming was wrapped up with half an hour to spare before the film crew had to head back to Murcia Airport, and I swelled with pride when I was told I was a natural on cam­ era. ‘I bet you say that to all the girls,’ I said to Joe. So now I’m waiting to see how it all comes over on camera, and if I get more than 15 seconds of fame out of the two hours of filming. I’ve just learned that The Courier’s Donna Gee was also interviewed for the piece, so maybe if the writing work dries up we can do a double act around the bars on the Costa Blanca. After all, they can accurately advertise us as ‘Stars of British television.’ That should put a few bums on seats, don’t you think?

Courier TV reviewer Alex Trelinski says:­ “The report from Joe Crowley aired on Monday night and Sandra was the star of the show, bubbling full of personality! The 5 minute feature seemed desperate to show that Brits were quitting Spain in droves, but proper objective evidence was not available, and it even went into the regular sob­story about a villa built illegally on land in Andalucia, which was not relevant to the report. Not one of the greatest pieces of journalism that I’ve come across in recent months”.

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Friday, May 9, 2014

7-A-DAY RECIPES MUSHROOM FAJITAS WITH AVOCADO HOUMOUS Ingredients 1 large avocado, stoned, peeled and chopped 400g can chickpeas, drained and rinsed 1 garlic clove, crushed zest and juice 1 lemon 2 tomatoes, deseeded and diced 1 red onion, cut into thick rounds 2 large flat mushrooms thickly sliced 2 tbsp olive oil 2 tsp fajita spice mix 4 tortillas shredded Little Gem lettuce and Tabasco sauce, to serve (optional)

Method 1. Put the avocado, chickpeas, garlic, lemon zest and juice in a food processor and whizz together until it forms a chunky consistency. Spoon into a bowl, season and stir in the toma­ toes.

2. Drizzle the onion and mushroom with the oil and sprinkle over the fajita seasoning. Heat a griddle pan over a high heat and cook the onion for 2 mins on each side, then remove from the pan and keep warm. Cook the mushrooms for 2 mins on each side or until softened and turning golden in places.

3. Spread some of the avocado houmous down the middle of each wrap and top with the mushrooms and onions. Add shredded lettuce and a dash of Tabasco, if you like, and wrap up.

CHICKPEA PATTIES WITH CARROT & RAISIN SALAD Ingredients 400g can chickpeas, drained 1 garlic clove, chopped 1 large egg 1 tbsp ground almond 2 tsp harissa 1 tsp ground cumin 3 tbsp chopped parsley 2 tsp rapeseed oil, for frying For the salad 1 tbsp raisins

1 carrot, shaved into ribbons with a peeler 1 courgette, shaved into ribbons with a peeler 5 radishes, thinly sliced 2 handfuls from a bag of watercress, rocket & spinach 1 tsp each hemp or rapeseed oil and white wine vinegar, or lemon wedges (optional)

Method

1. Tip the chickpeas, garlic, egg, almonds, harissa and cumin into a bowl and blitz with a hand blender until smooth. Stir in the parsley. Heat the oil in a non­stick frying pan and dollop in the mixture in 8 big spoonfuls, spaced apart. Cook for 5 mins on each side.

2. For the salad, toss the raisins and all the veg together, but don’t dress with the oil and vinegar until you are about to eat.

If taking to work, add a wedge of lemon to squeeze over instead of the dressing.

QUINOA, SQUASH & BROCCOLI SALAD Ingredients 2 tsp rapeseed oil 1 red onion, halved and sliced 2 garlic cloves, sliced 175g frozen butternut squash chunks 140g broccoli, stalks sliced, top cut into small florets 1 tbsp fresh thyme leaf

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Friday, May 9, 2014 250g pack ready­to­eat red & white quinoa 2 tbsp chopped parsley 25g dried cranberries handful pumpkin seeds (optional) 1 tbsp balsamic vinegar 50g feta cheese, crumbled

Method

1. Heat the oil in a wok with a lid, add the onion and garlic, and fry for 5 mins until softened, then lift from the wok with a slotted spoon. Add the squash, stir round the wok until it starts to colour, then add the broccoli. Sprinkle in 3 tbsp water and the thyme, cover the pan and steam for about 5 mins until the veg is tender.

2. Meanwhile, tip quinoa into a bowl and fluff it up. Add the parsley, cranberries, seeds (if using), cooked onion and gar­ lic, and balsamic vinegar, and mix well. Toss through the vegetables with the feta. Will keep in the fridge for 2 days.

LAMB WITH BUCKWHEAT NOODLES & TOMATO DRESSING Ingredients

SQUASH, MUSHROOM & GORGONZOLA PILAF Ingredients 1 tsp rapeseed oil 1 large onion, halved and sliced 3 garlic cloves, finely chopped 200g chunk butternut squash, peeled, deseed­ ed and diced 140g small button mush­ rooms 125g brown basmati rice 700ml reduced­salt veg­ etable stock 10 pieces dried mushroom, chopped 2 tsp chopped fresh sage small pack parsley, chopped, stalks and leaves separated 40g gorgonzola, crumbled

Method

12 cherry tomatoes, quartered 1 tsp fish sauce juice and zest 1 lime 1 tbsp sweet chilli sauce 100g buckwheat noodles 2 tsp rapeseed oil 1 red onion, halved and sliced 1 carrot, cut into match­ sticks 1 red pepper, deseeded and sliced 100g shredded white cabbages 200g lean lamb loin fillet or steaks, diced 4 tbsp chopped fresh mint

1. Heat the oil in a large non­stick pan, add the onion and garlic, and fry for 5 mins. Tip in the squash and button mush­ rooms, and cook for a few mins more. Stir in the rice, then pour in the stock. Stir well, then add the dried mushroom, sage and parsley stalks. Cover and simmer over a low heat for 35­40 mins until the rice is tender – check towards the end of cooking and add a little water if the rice has absorbed all the stock. If there is a lot of liquid, uncover and cook for an additional 5­10 mins.

2. Take off the heat, fold in the parsley leaves and cheese with some black pepper, then allow to stand for 5 mins before serving.

1. Lightly squash the tomatoes with the fish sauce, lime juice and zest, and the chilli sauce. Cook the noodles following pack instructions.

2. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a wok and stir­fry the onion, car­ rot and pepper for 5 mins or until softening. Add the cabbage and cook for a few mins more. Remove the vegetables from the pan, add the lamb and cook for 5­8 mins so that it is still tender and juicy. Take the pan off the heat, toss in the noo­ dles, vegetables, tomato dressing and mint, and serve.

zest and juice 1 lemon 2 tsp wholegrain mustard 1 tbsp clear honey 2 skinless salmon fillets 2 tsp rapeseed oil 5 spring onions, sliced 175g cooked beetroot (not in vinegar), diced 250g pack ready­to­eat

Method

HONEY MUSTARD GRILLED SALMON WITH PUY LENTILS Ingredients

puy lentils 10 basil leaves 2 big handfuls rocket

Method

1. Turn the grill to high and line a baking tray with foil. Mix the lemon zest and juice, mustard and honey. Put the salmon on the tray, brush with a little of the dressing, then grill for 5­7 mins – there is no need to turn the salmon over until it flakes easily when tested with a knife.

2. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a wok and cook the spring onions and beetroot. Tip in the lentils with 4 tbsp water, cover the pan and cook for 2 mins to heat through. Tip into a bowl and toss with the remaining dressing, the basil and rocket.

Serve with the salmon.

VEGGIE MOUSSAKA Ingredients 140g dried green lentils 2 onions, halved and sliced 2 garlic cloves, chopped 2 bay leaves 1 tsp dried oregano ½ tsp cinnamon ½ tsp allspice 400g can chopped tomatoes 1 reduced­salt vegetable stock cube 200g sweet potatoes, thinly sliced 1 large aubergine, sliced and the biggest slices halved again 250g low­fat fromage frais 1 large egg 50g feta cheese, crumbled 4 tomatoes, thickly sliced

Method

1. Heat oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4. Put the lentils, onions, garlic, herbs and spices in a large pan, and pour in 850ml water. Bring to the boil, cover and simmer for 10 mins.

2. Tip in the tomatoes, stock cube, sweet potato and aubergine, then cover and simmer for a further 20­25 mins until the lentils and veg are tender, and the liquid has been absorbed. Remove the bay leaves.

3. Meanwhile, beat the fromage frais, egg and cheese together. Tip the lentil mixture into a large ovenproof dish, cover with the cheese mixture, then arrange the tomatoes on top. Grind over some black pepper and bake for 25 mins until the topping is set. Will keep for 3 days in the fridge.

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Friday, May 9, 2014

HELEN’S KITCHEN – with wafts of freshly made bread

After 11 years of the life in Spain, Helen and Robert decid­ ed that Helen’s Kitchen was what they wanted to do with themselves. With Helen’s experience in the kitchen and Robert’s friendly nature they are the ideal combination to create a welcoming atmosphere in their light and airy bar­ restaurant in Roldan town. The food on offer is not your nor­ mal run of the mill grub. For example, why not come in and taste their popular ploughman’s lunch; which is just right on a warm summer’s day, or afternoon tea, with a wide selec­ tion of home­made fresh cakes and pastries. There are scotch eggs, freshly made bread and a wide selection of delicious meals, all made by Helen’s fair hands.

On Fridays come and sample their fish and chips, and on Sundays come and have a delicious Sunday roast, with two

courses for just 10 euros. Wednesday nights are activity nights, and a fun time is guaranteed, together with a tasty meal, such as sausage and mash, or pork casserole.

Vegetarians are catered for too. All the big sports events will be on show on their wide screen TVs, so you can come and watch your favourite matches in the company of other like­ minded enthusiasts.

Helen’s Kitchen also offers a wide selection of breakfasts in their pleasant surroundings, and the home­made cakes, biscuits and pastries are available to eat in or take away.

Opening times are Tuesday to Sunday, 9am till late.

Reservations required for Fish and Chips and Sunday Lunches and Afternoon Teas begin at 3.00pm. To book, or to ask for directions, phone 968 589 157.

Friday, May 9, 2014

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Friday, May 9, 2014

Friday, May 9, 2014

PISTOL PACKING DONATION The Los Pistoleros Westerners holstered up and rode into the Los Rosales Restaurant in Guardamar last weekend with a bounty of 1500 Euros to hand out to local charities.

The presentation night saw money given to AECC; Reach Out; The Butterfly Children; and needy families across the area. Los Pistoleros came together 5 years ago and now have 47 amongst their ranks who meet monthly and practice fast draw and shooting com­ petitions.

HELP AGM Help at Home Costa Blanca stages their 3rd Annual General Meeting at the start of next month. The business will take place at the Asturias Restaurant, Punta Prima on Thursday June 5th, with the first calling at 2.30pm, ahead of the start of business at 3.00pm. All volunteers are asked to bring their ID badges with them.

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A DASH OF COLOUR

The splash of paint helped the youngsters of the La Siesta Evangelical Church Youth Club to end their springtime programme.

There was a spot of paintballing in San Miguel as past and present members of the Torrevieja­based group took on each other in amiable combat, and then there was a themed night on The Body of Christ.

The club is on the lookout for new mem­ bers aged between 11 and 16 from all domi­ nations (even if you don’t go to church) where the youngsters can learn more about the Bible and how it relates to their lives. The group starts their Friday early evening meet­ ings again in La Siesta this autumn and for more details, call 617 445 223.

EASY ACCESS

Generous Buffaloes of the Philip Scott Lodge has given money to the Help Association, Vega Baja so that they put in some ramps to make access easier for disabled people. 250 Euros was given by the Lodge, with Ron Perrin from Help picking up the cheque.

Neighbourhood meet

The Rojales Neighbourhood Watch Group gets together for its next meeting on Monday June 2nd at 11.00 am in Quesada’s Municipal Centre. Anybody who lives in the

03170 postal area is more than welcome to come along. For further details about Neighbourhood Watch in Rojales, you can check out the website, www.rojalesnw.info

GOOD CAUSE The newly formed AAN charity which helps out the needy of San Fulgencio and La Marina is putting on a Fete and Fashion show this Sunday. There’ll be a wide variety of stalls as well as chance to pick up a bar­ gain outfit.

The Fete starts at 11.00 am with the fash­ ion show beginning at 2pm and is being held outside the AAN Charity Shop on Plaza Sierra Castilla, in the La Marina urbanisation under the laundry near Cagney’s Bar.

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Friday, May 9, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 Old memories, traumas, and phobias from the past could affect your mood today, Aries. You might feel depressed without really knowing why. An event in your life has brought these feelings near the sur­ face without revealing the source. If you've had any disturbing dreams or visions lately, write them down. They might offer a clue as to what's bothering you.

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 A friend might be feeling a little depressed today and need some cheering up. Social events or group activities could be of great help in doing that, and it would do you some good as well, Taurus. A long­term goal may finally be reached, justifying a celebration. Interacting with a group could take up a lot of your time and concentra­ tion, but take care not to get too tired.

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 Pivotal career matters may need to be thought through today, Gemini. A lot could be at stake at work in the very near future. Whatever tasks you need to tend to could require a lot of effort and concentration. There's a danger of sinking into a gloomy mood over it, but try to avoid this trap. You'll probably accomplish whatever it is you're hoping to do, so hang onto that thought.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 Today you might find that a long­term dream finally comes true. Perhaps a trip that you've fantasized about for a long time finally shows promise of actually hap­ pening, Cancer. A practical and methodi­ cal approach to arranging the details should make it seem that much more real to you. However, do take care to plan each step carefully so that you don't end up working harder than necessary.

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 Some strange and rather gloomy dreams could come your way tonight, Leo. They could, if you let them, catapult you into a rather depressed mood during the day.

Writing them down might help exorcise the negative emotions. You could also be a bit depressed over money. This isn't a good day to make investments, start a new busi­ ness, or open up a savings account. Wait a few days until the planets relax a little.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 A lack of communication with an unhappy family member could have you feeling a lit­ tle downhearted, Virgo. You might wonder if you've done something to offend this per­ son. Chances are you haven't. The best way to handle situations like this is to encourage the person to communicate with you. If there's no response, wait a day or so and ask again. The gloomy mood will pass, so don't make yourself crazy over it.

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 The promise of a promotion or raise could be on your mind today, Libra. You might try to visualize the next steps and anticipate tasks that take more effort and concentra­ tion than you're used to. Don't panic. It's better to not push yourself so hard. Wait a few days until the planets relax a little and just do what you need to do ­ no more, no less. You'll be successful in the long run.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 You might decide to spend a large part of the day working on a project that requires a lot of mental energy. Plans to spend some time with either a close friend or lover might not turn out to be quite what you'd hoped, Scorpio. Your friend could be in a rather gloomy mood. A relaxing evening, perhaps a concert or funny movie, can release tension and boost bad moods. Enjoy!

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 A gloomy guest could arrive today, Sagittarius, and likely need some cheering up. Do the best you can, but don't try to do it by cooking a meal. The results of your efforts might not be all that exciting. This is a great day to go for fast food. Take your friend to a movie, concert, or art gallery.

This could get your mind off his or her trou­ bles and your mind off your friend!

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 Some rather depressing information could come your way, Capricorn, but don't take it at face value. It might not be as bad as it seems. Check the facts before making yourself crazy. This isn't a good day for visiting or running errands in your neighborhood, as the traffic could be a nightmare. Anything you try to read today could seem boring, so movies are likely to be the best entertainment now.

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 Gloom over money matters might catch up with you at some point today, Aquarius.

However, there's nothing really major to worry about. Financially, your business affairs should be going well, so you're probably doing better than you think. A lit­ tle caution might be in order, especially regarding impulse buying or purchasing luxuries. You don't want to end up having to take items back to the store.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 Today you might find yourself feeling a little low, Pisces, but it doesn't seem as if there's any real reason for it. You may just have had a bad night and need some extra sleep.

Some good news from far away could cheer you up in the afternoon. You might receive an invitation to go out to dinner with a close friend. You should be feeling like your old self again by evening.

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Friday, May 9, 2014

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Fred was having problems deleting some photos ADVICE: Ray was having problems opening bank statements in .pdf format from his tablet.

Hi Richard. Can you give me a bit of advice about a Samsung Galaxy Tablet 10.1? I seem to have half a dozen photos on the Gallery that are old photos off my main computer and no way can I delete them. They are not on 'files' downloads or anything else I can find. Any suggestions? Cheers. Fred

Q

A

Q

Good Afternoon Richard. I have just experienced a problem not had before that is when going into my bank account online and clicking a statement to print it says that I need adobe reader as it is a PDF file, I have this reader ok and can read PDF files that I have saved previously. The browser is IE 9, also does not work on Google Chrome. I spoke to the bank and they recommended FIREFOX this I have downloaded and works fine on the bank PDF files, I also engaged the Norton safe search do not know any­ thing about this browser, in your opinion is it ok or dodgy. Regards Ray Lewin

Hi Fred, have you tried pressing and holding on the photo ­ sometimes another menu appears that will then allow you to delete them.

ADVICE: Annika wanted to know what to do when her AVG said “don’t lose your protection”

Q

Hi. Hope everything is ok with you. We got some­ thing from AVG yesterday. ''Don’t lose your AVG protection! Your AVG protection will expire in 28 days''. What shall we do? Kind regards Annika

Hi Annika, it sounds like you have upgraded AVG to the trial version (which lasts only for 30 days), if you have then you will need to downgrade it back to the free version.

You can do this by going into the control panel, selecting uninstall a program, click on AVG and click change, then click on downgrade.

This will put you back to the free version.

A

READERS TIP: Bob had some great advice after reading a problem from a reader in last week’s Courier. It’s good to share TIP. Just read your piece in the Courier and wanted to tell you that I recently bought the cheapest DVD player in Alcampo (it was an I­Joy and cost 25 euros.)

In the set up options you can set it for universal so it plays any Disc from whatever region

A

Hi Ray, it sounds perfectly reasonable to me, it sounds like Internet Explorer has a problem opening up web based .pdf files that a reset may well resolve and I have experienced the same problem with Google Chrome as it uses its own .pdf reader that doesn’t play well with some of the bank websites. So by downloading and installing Firefox you have essentially side stepped the problem, well done.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twit­ ter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page. office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

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Friday, May 9, 2014

FORD FOCUS RS BLASTS BACK Ford has dropped the biggest hint yet that a new Ford Focus RS super­hatch is deep into development. This image – which is based on the recently facelifted model – shows how the world’s best­ selling car will be turned from a family hatchback into one of the fastest front­wheel­drive cars ever made.

Chief operating officer for Ford of Europe, Barb Samardzich, told us at a recent company event in Milan: “I can’t give you any confirmation today, but let’s say there’s a strong desire.

Something like that makes a great halo car.”

A Ford spokesman backed up Samardzich’s comment, saying: “We have a rich her­ itage of RS cars, and we’re not about to let any competitors overtake us in that respect.

You can rest assured that Martin [Smith, director of design, Ford of Europe] and his team are fully focused on the future of our perform­ ance strategy.”

The hot favourite to feature under the bon­ net of the Ford Focus RS is a new direct­ injection 2.3­litre four­cylinder EcoBoost turbo, developed for the entry­level version

of the latest Mustang. While it’ll produce 304bhp in the Mustang, which will arrive in the UK towards the end of 2014, it could be tuned to as much as 350bhp for the Focus RS – matching the previous­generation lim­ ited­edition RS500.

To save weight and keep the cost down, the new RS will stick with a front­wheel­drive

Mazda in Hot Water Over Mazda6 Fire Risk

If you happen to own one of the most beautiful mid­size cars on sale, the new Mazda6, you may want to get to your deal­ er really quickly. Mazda and the NHTSA are recalling more than 19,000 2014 Mazda6 models for issues with the fuel system.

Now what happens is actually little awk­ ward, but apparently you can put too much petrol inside the tank. The back pressure that should build up to shut off the pump doesn’t do so at a low enough volume.

Sure, you could accidentally spill some fuel and ruin your new shoes, but the real concern is a much different issue.

Imagine you fill up your car on a nice, crisp spring morning, and the temperature

is a brisk 45 degrees. If you have that tank too full and the temp gets hot outside, all that fuel will begin to expand. According to the NHTSA, that fuel could find its way into the charcoal canister which is a part used for improved emissions. Yes, that means fuel is going near the exhaust sys­ tem. Last time we checked, hot metal and petrol was a pretty reliable recipe for mak­ ing fire.

All it takes to fix is a quick adapter in the tank shut­off valve, and it shouldn’t take very long to fix. Just make sure you get into your Mazda dealer to have it done.

You don’t want your car to burst into flames because you were too lazy to see a dealer, do you?

layout rather than four­wheel drive, and employ an electronic differential to maximise traction in all conditions. The previous­gen­ eration car’s clever Revoknuckle front sus­ pension design will be carried over.

Ford is aiming to keep the price at around £27,000; if it can hit that figure, the RS will offer one of the best £­per­horsepower fig­

ures on the road. Whatever package Ford decides to go with, we won’t see the Focus RS in showrooms anytime soon.

If it does get the green light it should appear towards the end of the car’s lifecycle.

As the Focus is due for replacement in 2017, it’s looking like 2016 before the production model arrives.

Friday, May 9, 2014

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Friday, May 9, 2014

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 16 represents R and 22 represents J, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Saunter (6) 4 Shut (6) 9 Flyer (7) 10 Applauds (5) 11 Tight (5) 12 Housing (7) 13 Exciting (11) 18 Well­liked (7) 20 Range (5) 22 Monster (5) 23 Organise (7) 24 Sore (6) 25 Begrudge (6)

1 Meagre (6) 2 Rule (5) 3 Correspondence (7) 5 Clear­headed (5) 6 Staying power (7) 7 Blueprint (6) 8 Working class (11) 14 Make comprehensible (7) 15 Watch (7) 16 Small peg (6) 17 Discard (6) 19 Supple (5) 21 Snow leopard (5)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Crass, 4 Bent, 9 Regatta, 10 Piano, 11 Get, 12 Lurid, 14 Idiot, 15 Yearn, 16 Opts, 18 Edge, 20 Pains, 22 Agree, 23 Satin, 25 Pro, 26 Flats, 27 Upstage, 29 Soak, 30 Basis.

Down: 1 Circle, 2 Anger, 3 Sit, 5 Emptiness, 6 Trading, 7 Magnanimous, 8 Loath, 13 Dyspepsia, 17 Perhaps, 19 Gaffe, 21 Unless, 24 Traps, 28 Sob.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Walls formed of legs and forequarters of mutton? (8) 5 Expert witness revealed to be a fool (4) 9 Nelson to supply work­ force with New Deal? (7) 10 I name new state (5) 11 Tie up in low river (4) 12 Rewrite diverse amend­ ments (7) 15 English flower festival (6) 16 Fix up extremely remarkable couple (6) 19 Sex and dope are wrong, it's revealed (7) 21 Coo! luv ­ starting to look really with it (4) 24 Redesigned River Nile for a big ship (5) 25 Requiring dead engine to be repaired (7) 26 Greek character around a nurse, he's a card (4) 27 Loses car damaged by game (8)

Down 1 Think about an appendage (8) 2 Chap leaves to gather fruit (7) 3 Sage going out for a long time (4) 4 Crockery from disputed estate (3,3) 6 I put in a movement of the hand to resign (5) 7 Being rank, it is returned by the Queen (4) 8 A doctor I sent to bed drunk (7) 13 A trip with O'Connor around bypasses (7) 14 Poor glue ruined this introduction (8) 17 Somatic form of nuclear engineering (7) 18 She's back in academy and then sustained a rup­ ture (6) 20 Gas produced by Norse oxen (5) 22 Fruit found in plumber's lunch box (4) 23 Almost take Boyd out of the boneyard (4) Down 1 Recapture the past (8) 2 Tropical fruits (7) 3 A long time (4) 4 Set of crockery for drinks (3,3) 6 Give up (5) 7 Row of seats (4) 8 Drank (7) 13 Roundabout routes (7) 14 Introduction (8) 17 Science that deals with nuclear energy (7) 18 Rupture (6) 20 Noble gas (5) 22 Purple fruit (4) 23 Close by (4)

STANDARD CLUES Across 1 Defensive fortifications (8) 5 Foolish one (4) 9 South African statesman (7) 10 New England state (5) 11 Heath (4) 12 Brought up to date (7) 15 Christian festival (6) 16 Make good (6) 19 Unprotected (7) 21 Close to cold (4) 24 Large commercial ship (5) 25 In want of (7) 26 Bill of fare (4) 27 Native American sport (8) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Humus, 4 Lancet, 9 Macrame, 10 Annex, 11 Read, 12 Let­down, 13 Was, 14 Mafia, 16 Until, 18 Gas, 19 Forbear, 20 Leer, 23 Clubs, 24 Pinnace, 25 Step­in, 26 Booty.

Down: 1 Humdrum, 2 Mecca, 3 Seal, 5 Acanthus, 6 Consort, 7 Toxin, 8 Keels, 13 Water­ski, 15 Fortune, 17 Larceny, 18 Grips, 19 Focus, 21 Erato, 22 Snub.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words So To 3 letter words Ace Egg Ewe Flu Ill Its Lop Sin 4 letter words Able Ache Apse Atop

Bake Bare Blow Chap Clan Clog Coke Dais Diet Edit Elmy Etna Foal Hens Imam Lobe Lure Naps Skua Sled

Sons Sore Step Sure Syne Tare Thou Used 5 letter words Acute Allot Amole Audio Caber Cress Odour Opera Poets Poker

Rules Shade Shard Sheet Shire Shone Shops Spate Spree Stair State Sties Suede Timer Title Token Waken Yeast

6 letter words Cabins Chrome Cornet Corona Decree Echoed Spouse Status 8 letter words Reechoed Speedway 9 letter words Hobgoblin Laborious

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Cáscaras (de huevos, nueces) (6) 4 Cebollinos (6) 7 Nightmare (9) 9 To praise (4) 10 Dawn (4) 11 Laws (5) 13 Serpientes (6) 14 Laguna (6) 15 Broccoli (6) 17 Plátano (6) 19 To know (facts) (5) 20 Raíz (de planta) (4) 22 Coffee (4) 23 A veces (9) 24 Tiburones (6) 25 Sellos (Correos) (6)

Down 1 Centuries (6) 2 To read (4) 3 Escamas (zoología) (6) 4 Formón (6) 5 Island (4) 6 Torcedura (6) 7 Passengers (9) 8 Pillows (9) 11 Far away (5) 12 To take out (5) 15 Donkeys (6) 16 Etiquetas (6) 17 Comienza (6) 18 Bees (insects) (6) 21 Gira (4) 22 Eyebrow (4)

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Friday, May 9, 2014 Across 1 Stage surname of comedians Harry and Benny (4) 3 Group of businessmen in a town organised as a service group and to pro­ mote world peace (6,4) 10 In rugby union a for­ mation of parallel lines of opposing forwards at right angles to the touchline when the ball is thrown in (4­3) 11 English ska band whose UK Top 10 hit singles include: My Girl, Baggy Trousers, It Must Be Love, House Fun and Wings of a Dove (7) 12 North American term for reindeer (7) 13 Horses’ sounds (6) 15 Pasta in the form of short wide tubes (5) 16 According to the New Testament, one of the three sages from the east who came bearing gifts for the infant Jesus (9)

18 Person with an unusu­ al or odd personality (9) 21 Nickname of Robert Leroy Parker, the American train robber, bank robber and leader of the Wild Bunch Gang in the American Old West: ­­­­­ Cassidy (5) 23 Midwestern US state nicknamed the ‘Sunflower State’ (6) 25 Raised platform on which a person stands to make a public speech, receive an award or medal, play music or conduct an orchestra (7) 27 US city that is home to the Dwight D Eisenhower Presidential Library and Museum (7) 28 Statue in Copenhagen honouring Hans Christian Andersen: The Little ­­­­­­­ (7) 29 Author whose novels characterised the Jazz Age in the US: F Scott ­­­­­­­­­­ (10)

SUDOKU (Medium)

Quiz Word

30 Large dark antelopes also called wildebeests (4) Down

1 Aircraft without wings that obtains its lift from the rotation of overhead blades (10)

2 Title of the sixth studio album by the Eagles, released in 1979: The ­­­­ ­­ ­ (4,3) 4 Be more numerous than (9) 5 Capital and largest city of Jordan (5) 6 Language used by Jews in central and eastern Europe before the Holocaust. It was originally a German dialect with words from Hebrew and several modern languages and still has some 200,000 speakers, mainly in the US, Israel and Russia (7) 7 Carnivorous or blood­ sucking aquatic or terrestri­ al worms typically having a sucker at each end (7) 8 Northern Irish profes­ sional footballer who, in 1968, won the European Cup with Manchester United and was named the European Footballer of the Year: George ­­­­ (4) 9 Dead body that has

been brought back to life by a supernatural force (6) 14 Greek mathematician and physicist noted for his work in hydrostatics and mechanics and geometry (287­212 BC) (10) 17 Of or relating to tears (9) 19 Two­wheeled vehicle drawn by horses, used in ancient racing and warfare (7) 20 Fund of money put by as a reserve (4,3) 21 Small, inexpensive restaurant (6) 22 Piece of ground hav­ ing specific characteristics or military potential (7) 24 German architect and Nazi Minister for Armaments and Munitions, who designed the Nuremberg stadium for the 1934 Nazi Party congress: Albert ­­­­­ (5) 26 Chunk of ice broken off from a larger glacier, ice­ berg, ice shelf, etc. (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

Envejecer­getting old Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

canas

jugar bingo

charlar con amigos

la residencia

cumplir años

la vejez

dentadura postiza

leer mucho

dolor de espalda

memorias

el bastón

nietos

ir mas lento

tiempo libre

jubilarse

ver telenovelas

general QUIZ

ANSEWRS 1. Screwdriver 2. Damon Albarn 3. Fokker 4. Jeffrey Archer 5. Mr Blobby 6. Campanulate 7. Hernia 8. January 1978 9.

Wimpy

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Scythe, 5 Channels, 9 Macaroon, 10 Log out, 11 Sierra Nevada, 13 Reno, 14 Thirteen, 17 Stilwell, 18 Data, 20 Penitentiary, 23 Diwali, 24 Omelette, 25 Colossus, 26 Shrimp.

Down: 2 Coal, 3 Toadstool, 4 Exocet, 5 Congratulations, 6 Atlantis, 7 Negev, 8 Laundrette, 12 Lee Trevino, 15 Teddy bear, 16 Genetics, 19 Lakers, 21 Imago, 22 Atom.

Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.canas, 2.charlar con amigos,

14.memorias, 15.nietos,

j.chatting with friends, k.to retire,

3.cumplir años,

16.tiempo libre.

l.backache, m.slow down, n.read a lot, o.watch series,

4.dentadura postiza, 5.ver telenovelas,

a.memories, b.play bingo,

6.dolor de espalda, 7.el bastón,

c.the rest home, d.free time,

8.ir mas lento, 9.jubilarse,

e.grey hair, f.old age,

10.jugar bingo, 11.la residencia,

g.false teeth, h.grand children,

12.la vejez, 13.leer mucho,

i.the walking stick,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

Quizword

p.to have a birthday.

Answers: 1e, 2j, 3p, 4g, 5o, 6l, 7i, 8m, 9k, 10b, 11c, 12f, 13n, 14a, 15h, 16d

1. Vodka and orange juice makes up what kind of cock­ tail?

2. Who Appeared On The Cover Of A June 98 NME Dressed As A Tiger?

3. Which German Company Introduced The Interrupter Gear Enabling A Machine Gun To Fire Through An Aeroplanes Propeller?

4. Which Politician took part in a Play called 'The Accused' in the year 2000?

5. Which Pink Creation From Noel's House Party Had A UK No.1 In 1993?

6. What Word Is Used To Describe Bell Shaped Flowers?

7. What Is The Condition Called When An Internal Organ Protrudes Through The Wall Of A Cavity In Which It Is Intended To Co 8. When Was The First Baby Born On The Antarctic Continent?

9. Who is The Name Of Popeye's The Sailors Hamburger Eating Friend?

Fill It In

38

Friday, May 9, 2014

TRELI ON THE TELLY GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY well to Murcia’s Ruth Lorenzo and her self­written Spanish entry, which is not fancied and frankly doesn’t float my boat. That’s a shame as she’s a cracking singer as we remember well from her days on The X Factor.

with ALEX TRELINSKI It’s Eurovision Song Contest time again folks, as wonderful Copenhagen tomorrow night stages the annual festival of pre­ dictable vote swapping and some over the top per­ formances.

But here’s the good news: ­ the UK actually has a really good entry. After the Good Lord Andrew penned a decent ditty for Jade Ewen back in 2009, the BBC seemed to have thrown in the towel with a dreadful parade of has­beens mum­ bling away in a series of excruciatingly bad perform­ ances which deserved the humiliation that they got from the voters. This time round, we have a young singer­

q

songwriter, Molly Smitten­ Downes, who looks the part; she can really sing well; and she’s written an anthem (Children of the Universe) that has got people thinking that it could finish in the top half­dozen. I’ll take that and I really like the song. Molly has had top 10 success with British dance group Stunt and there’s some real street­ cred here as well. It’s not about the winning but at least

showing respectability like Jade Ewen did, and I’m glad somebody at the BBC has woken up to that. It should be good fun as always and the shows are now spectacular and worth watching as opposed to the rubbish in the old days. I’ve even forgotten about the great Terry Wogan on the BBC commentary, because Graham Norton does such a great impres­ sion of him! Good luck as

Channel 5 and its asso­ ciated channels have new owners: ­ the American media giant Viacom. That’s got to be good news because the company, who have icon­ ic TV brands like MTV, VH1, and Nickelodeon, know the business inside out and they’ve pledged to really boost the amount of quality British made shows on the channel. Ex­owner Richard Desmond (owner of the

Express) may have turned round a loss­maker and made it profitable, but just churning out cheap docu­ mentaries and endless Big Brother isn’t good enough. I hope that Viacom also restore Channel 5’s reputa­ tion for showing premium US shows, which Desmond seems to have destroyed, with most programmes being screened nearly a year after being shown in America, which means the audiences are minimal, because fans have just gone onto pirate websites to catch up with their favourites.

Nobody does breakfast TV as well as the Yanks, as they’ve been at it

q

for 60 years. For the latest early morning revamp, ITV have copied the American network format for Good Morning Britain with the presentation team sat behind a big desk, and I have to say that it’s miles better than Daybreak and not a bad watch. The prob­ lem is that the viewing rat­ ings are not much better than before and the BBC rules the roost. On what rare occasions I choose to watch the box at that time of the day, I always go for Sunrise on Sky News, which delivers the goods and has an excellent host in Eamonn Holmes.

Friday May 9 00:35 This Week 01:20 Holiday Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:30 First Time on the Front Line 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 MasterChef 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Outnumbered 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show 09/05 00:20 BBC2 00:20 The Birth of Empire: The East India Company 01:20 Don't Cap My Benefits 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ Exploring the Past: Post War Britain

06:00 Schools ­ Children of World War Two 06:30 History Hunt 06:55 Schools ­ Wonders of Nature: Monarch Butterfly ­ Spectacle 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:10 First Time on the Front Line 07:40 Countryside 999 08:25 The Great Interior Design Challenge 09:25 Mary Berry Cooks 09:55 Formula 1 11:35 The Travel Show 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Formula 1 15:35 The Pallisers 16:30 Life in Cold Blood 17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Escape to the Continent 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 The Minster 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Natural World 23:00 The Trip 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Harbour Lives 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Weekend Escapes with Warwick Davis 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Lewis 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:25 ITV News Meridian 23:30 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 23:35 GoldenEye

MASTERCHEF The last of the semi­finals sees the five hopefuls facing one last challenge that could mean the dif­ ference between going home and winning a place in the final four. They have 75 minutes to create a dish for John Torode and Gregg Wallace that will ensure they move forward in the competition.

01:00 24 Hours in A&E 01:55 Random Acts 02:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 02:55 Love for Sale with Rupert Everett 03:50 How to Get a Council House 04:45 Unreported World 05:10 Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade 05:40 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 05:55 SuperScrimpers 06:50 Deal or No Deal 07:45 Will & Grace 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 11:55 Come Dine with Me 12:55 Channel 4 News Summary 13:00 Come Dine with Me 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:35 Unreported World 21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

00:55 Access 01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Police Interceptors 13:40 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:15 Mystery Woman: Sing Me a Murder 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 Bloody Tales of the Tower 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 NCIS 23:00 NCIS: Los Angeles

39

Saturday May 10 08:55 Great British Menu 00:20 Bad Education 00:55 EastEnders 02:50 Weatherview 02:55 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Football Focus 13:10 BBC News; Weather 13:20 Formula 1 15:30 Bargain Hunt 16:30 Monkey Planet 17:30 Bolt 19:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:20 Pointless Celebrities 20:10 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 21:00 Eurovision Song Contest 2014

09:25 Great British Menu 09:55 Great British Menu 10:25 Great British Menu 10:55 Formula 1 12:05 Coast 12:30 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 13:15 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 14:00 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 14:45 Nigel Slater's Simple Cooking 14:50 Talking Pictures 15:25 From Here to Eternity 17:20 The Prisoner of Zenda 19:00 Natural World 20:00 Flog It! 21:00 Dad's Army 21:30 The Culture Show

10/05 00:00 BBC2 00:00 Weather 00:05 Later ­ with Jools Holland 01:10 Better Mus' Come 02:50 Question Time 03:50 This Is BBC Two 07:00 The Dark Mirror 08:25 Great British Menu

02:00 04:00 04:40 07:00 07:25 07:50 08:05 08:20 08:45 09:00 09:25 09:30 10:25 11:20 12:20 12:30 13:25 15:05 16:05 17:05 17:35 18:35 18:45 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:50

Jackpot247 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA ITV Nightscreen Dino Dan Matt Hatter Chronicles Canimals Sooty Digimon Fusion Horrid Henry Adventure Time ITV News Weekend The Hungry Sailors Murder, She Wrote ITV News and Weather The Jeremy Kyle Show USA Beethoven's 2nd 60 Minute Makeover All Star Family Fortunes Off Their Rockers Tipping Point: Lucky Stars ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Let Me Entertain You New You've Been Framed!

Britain's Got Talent Amazing Greys Prey The Americans ITV News and Weather

00:05 01:05 01:30 Insult 02:55 03:00 03:45 04:30 05:15 06:10 06:35 06:40 07:30 08:30 09:00 10:00 11:00 11:30 12:05 12:35 13:00 13:35 14:30 17:05 19:40 20:05 22:00

Rude Tube Brooklyn Nine­Nine Naked Gun 331/3: the Final Random Acts Happy Endings Southland Desperate Housewives Deal or No Deal SuperScrimpers Kirstie's Vintage Gems The Hoobs Trans World Sport The Grid The Morning Line Weekend Kitchen Frasier Everybody Loves Raymond The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Simpsons Marvel's Agents of SHIELD Channel 4 Racing Come Dine with Me Channel 4 News The Day the Earth Stood Still Man on a Ledge

EUROVISION SONG CONTEST Graham Norton commentates on the 59th musical extravaganza from Copenhagen, Denmark, who won last year with Emmelie de Forest's Only Teardrops. All eyes will be on Molly, who is aiming to become the first UK winner since 1997 with her self­penned anthem Children of the Universe, and Ireland's Can­Linn featuring Kasey Smith ­ assum­ ing the latter made it through Thursday's semi­ final.

00:00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 01:00 SuperCasino 04:05 The Woman with 40 Cats ­ and Other Pet Hoarders 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:15 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Power Rangers Super Samurai 11:35 Power Rangers Megaforce 12:00 Meerkat Manor 12:25 The Dog Rescuers 12:55 Police Interceptors 13:55 Bloody Tales of the Tower 14:55 Submarine X­1 16:40 Torpedo Run 18:35 5 News Weekend 18:40 Attack on the Iron Coast 20:25 Battle of Britain 23:00 Live International Boxing 22:30 Generation War

Sunday May 11 07:05 His Kind of Woman 00:25 National Lottery Update

09:00 Countryfile

00:45 Agnetha: Abba & After

10:00 Gardeners' World

01:45 Once

10:30 The Beechgrove Garden

03:05 Weatherview

11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

03:10 BBC News

12:30 Spring Kitchen with Tom

07:00 Breakfast

Kerridge

10:00 The Andrew Marr Show

13:15 MOTD2 Extra

11:00 The Big Questions

14:00 An Ideal Husband

12:00 Sunday Politics

15:30 Badminton Horse Trials

13:00 BBC News

17:30 Inspire: The Olympic

13:10 Weather for the Week Ahead

Journey

13:15 Formula 1

18:00 Flog It!

16:15 Final Score

19:00 Escape to the Continent

18:30 Points of View

20:00 Australia with Simon Reeve

18:45 Songs of Praise

21:00 The Best of Top Gear

19:30 BBC News; Regional News

22:00 The Comedy Vaults: BBC2's

and Weather

Hidden Treasure

20:00 Countryfile

23:00 QI XL

21:00 Antiques Roadshow

23:45 A Beautiful Mind

22:00 The Crimson Field 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day

11/05 00:05 BBC2 00:05 Generation War: Fact and Fiction 00:45 Telstar: the Joe Meek Story 02:40 This Is BBC Two

00:04 ITV Meridian Weather 00:05 The Eiger Sanction 02:25 Jackpot247 04:00 Dinner Date: Australia 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Dino Dan 07:25 Matt Hatter Chronicles 07:50 Canimals 08:00 Canimals 08:05 Sooty 08:20 Digimon Fusion 08:45 Horrid Henry 09:00 Big Time Rush 09:25 ITV News 09:30 Weekend 10:25 May the Best House Win 11:25 Columbo: Butterfly in Shades of Grey 13:20 ITV News and Weather 13:30 Big Star's Little Star 14:35 All Star Family Fortunes 15:20 Britain's Got Talent 16:20 Let Me Entertain You 16:50 You've Been Framed!

17:20 Midsomer Murders 19:20 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 19:45 Catchphrase 20:30 Off Their Rockers 21:00 Vera 23:00 Perspectives

THE BEST OF TOP GEAR The team looks back at highlights of the motoring series, including the fastest new models, the most desirable classics and the craziest stunts, plus the best and worst of Star in a Reasonably Priced Car.

00:00 Beverly Hills Cop 02:00 The Big Dirty List Show: 50 Years of Sex and Music 03:30 Hollyoaks 05:30 SuperScrimpers 06:25 The Hoobs 07:15 British GT Championship 07:40 How I Met Your Mother 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:35 Secret Eaters 14:40 The Big Bang Theory 15:40 The Simpsons 16:10 Ever After: a Cinderella Story 18:30 Deal or No Deal 19:30 Channel 4 News 20:00 Posh Pawn 21:00 For the Love of Cars 22:00 Fargo 23:05 Season of the Witch

01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 City of Friends 08:50 Little Princess 09:00 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:15 Milkshake! Monkey 09:20 Angelina Ballerina 09:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Access 11:05 The Dog Rescuers 11:40 Cowboy Builders 12:40 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 13:40 Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War 15:50 The Canterville Ghost 17:40 Pocahontas 19:10 5 News Weekend 19:15 Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls 21:00 The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen 23:00 The Bucket List

40

Monday May 12 00:55 Reggie Yates: Extreme South Africa 01:55 Weatherview 02:00 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 First Time on the Front Line 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 Countdown to Chelsea 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 The Storms That Shook the South West 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 DIY SOS 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Party Election Broadcast for the English Local Elections 23:40 Have I Got a Bit More News for You 12/05 01:55 BBC2 01:55 Expired 03:35 Countryfile

04:30 Holby City 05:30 This Is BBC Two 07:20 Homes Under the Hammer 08:20 Animal Park 08:50 First Time on the Front Line 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 The Planners 11:05 Real Lives Reunited 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:15 Life in Cold Blood 15:15 The Pallisers 16:05 Coast 16:45 Great British Garden Revival 17:45 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Nature's Weirdest Events 22:00 This World 23:00 Mock the Week Looks Back 23:30 Newsnight

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:14 ITV Meridian Weather 00:15 Premiership Rugby Union 01:10 The Store 03:40 Motorsport UK 04:30 ITV Nightscreen 05:10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Gino's Italian Escape 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Prey 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:33 Party Election Broadcast for the English Local Elections 23:35 Benidorm

00:55 Underworld: Evolution 02:45 Southland 03:30 The Hotel 04:30 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 05:25 SuperScrimpers 05:50 Hugh's 3 Good Things: Best Bites 05:55 Deal or No Deal 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Britain's Most Extreme Weather 22:00 The Island with Bear Grylls 23:00 Man vs Weird

THIS WORLD Brazil now boasts more billionaires than Britain and Rio de Janeiro's Copacabana Palace hotel is a magnet for Brazil's new wealthy elite, having played host over the past 90 years to everyone from Orson Welles to Justin Bieber. This documentary follows the lives of the staff and guests over the course of three months, revealing how the hotel's story reflects the fortunes of the entire nation ­ which is increasingly a country of extraordinary extremes.

David Morrissey narrates.

00:50 The Woman with 40 Cats ­ and Other Pet Hoarders 01:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:15 SuperCasino 04:10 Minute by Minute 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Police Interceptors 13:40 Benidorm ER 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Trial by Fire 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 Classic Car Rescue 21:00 DIY Dummies 22:00 The Greatest Ever War Movies

Tuesday May 13 00:25 The Graham Norton Show 01:10 Weatherview 01:15 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 First Time on the Front Line 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 Countdown to Chelsea 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Happy Valley 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 National Lottery Update 23:35 Party Election Broadcast for the English Local Elections 23:40 Monks 13/05 00:20 BBC2 00:20 Party Election Broadcast for the English Local Elections 00:25 Blurred Lines: The New Battle of the Sexes 01:25 Louis Theroux's LA Stories 02:25 This Is BBC Two 05:00 A Question of Faith 06:00 Schools ­ In My Shoes Plus:

China 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:20 Homes Under the Hammer 08:20 Caught Red Handed 08:50 First Time on the Front Line 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Collectaholics 11:05 Real Lives Reunited 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The Super League Show 14:45 One Man and His Campervan 15:15 The Pallisers 16:05 Coast 16:45 Great British Garden Revival 17:45 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 The Big Allotment Challenge 22:00 Watermen: A Dirty Business 23:00 Later Live ­ with Jools Holland 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Joanna Lumley's Greek Odyssey 01:35 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 23:10 ITV News and Weather 23:40 ITV News Meridian 23:44 Party Election Broadcast for the English Local Elections 23:45 The Cube

BEN FOGLE'S ANIMAL CLINIC At the equine hospital, surgeon Neil Townsend operates on a horse that is at serious risk of dying from colic and he has to flush out more than 70 litres of undigested grass from its stomach to clear the blockage. In the small animal clinic, Paolo Silvestrini treats a rescue kitten that cannot stop sneezing, while farm vet Jo Oultram is called in to help Chester Zoo staff perform a vasectomy on a Congo buffalo.

00:00 Gogglebox 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Fargo 02:05 Scandal 02:55 Southcliffe 03:50 Mr Drew's School for Boys 04:45 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 05:40 Deal or No Deal 06:35 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:55 Countdown 07:40 According to Jim 08:05 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:30 The King of Queens 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 22:00 Mr Drew's School for Boys 23:00 16 Kids and Counting 23:55 Coppers

01:00 The True Story 01:55 Access 02:05 SuperCasino 04:10 Police Interceptors 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake! Monkey 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Police Interceptors 13:40 Classic Car Rescue 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Wandering Eye 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 21:00 Ben Fogle's Animal Clinic 22:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 23:00 The Mentalist 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

41

Wednesday May 14 00:10 Live at the Apollo 00:55 Management 02:25 Weatherview 02:30 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 First Time on the Front Line 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 Countdown to Chelsea 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Party Election Broadcast for the English Local Elections 23:40 A Question of Sport 14/05 00:20 BBC2 00:20 Party Election Broadcast for the English Local Elections 00:25 This World 01:25 Monkey Planet 02:25 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Porn ­ What's the Harm?

05:30 Schools ­ Body Matters 06:00 Schools ­ In My Shoes: Germany & the Netherlands

06:55 Schools ­ Wonders of Nature: Grass Cutter Ants ­ Teamwork 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:15 Homes Under the Hammer 08:15 Caught Red Handed 08:45 First Time on the Front Line 09:15 Countryside 999 10:00 Antiques Roadshow 11:00 Bang Goes the Theory 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:15 Life in Cold Blood 15:15 The Pallisers 16:05 Coast 16:45 Great British Garden Revival 17:45 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Under Offer: Estate Agents on the Job 22:00 Coast 22:10 Coast Australia 23:00 Episodes 23:30 Newsnight

00:45 Wild Britain with Ray Mears 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 05:10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Big Star's Little Star 22:00 Billy Connolly's Big Send Off 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:33 Party Election Broadcast for the English Local Elections 23:35 Tomorrow Never Dies

00:55 Random Acts 01:00 Poker 01:55 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:25 Trans World Sport 03:20 British GT Championship 03:50 The Grid 04:15 Four Rooms 05:10 Deal or No Deal 06:05 SuperScrimpers 06:35 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 06:55 Countdown 07:40 According to Jim 08:05 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:30 The King of Queens 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:55 Undercover Boss USA 11:55 Come Dine with Me 12:55 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:00 Come Dine with Me 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Supervet 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 Derek 23:35 Cardinal Burns

EPISODES New series. Matt continues to fight for custody of his children as he tries to persuade his ex­wife to forgive him for sleeping with his stalker.

Meanwhile, Sean and Beverly are back together, but soon discover it's not so easy to heal old wounds, especially when additional secrets are revealed about their time apart. Over at the net­ work, Carol's ambitions are dealt a cruel blow.

00:50 Body of Proof 01:40 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:10 SuperCasino 04:10 The OAP Killer: First Kill, Last Kill 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake! Monkey 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Police Interceptors 13:40 Cowboy Builders 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Flirting with Danger 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 21:00 Minute by Minute 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Castle

Thursday May 15 00:10 Room 101 ­ Extra Storage 00:50 Dragonfly 02:30 Weatherview 02:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 First Time on the Front Line 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 Countdown to Chelsea 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 The Food Inspectors 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time 15/05 00:20 BBC2 00:20 Party Election Broadcast for the English Local Elections 00:25 Watermen: A Dirty Business 01:25 See Hear 01:55 The Birth of Empire: The East India Company 02:55 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Strictly Soulmates 05:30 Schools ­ Divine Women 06:00 Schools ­ Virtually There: Germany 06:30 Schools ­ Virtually There: France 06:55 Wonders of Nature: Stoat ­

Play 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:20 Homes Under the Hammer 08:20 Caught Red Handed 08:50 First Time on the Front Line 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Mind the Gap: London vs the Rest 11:05 Gardeners' World 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Instant Restaurant 14:45 One Man and His Campervan 15:15 The Pallisers 16:05 Coast 16:45 Great British Garden Revival 17:45 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 The Big Allotment Challenge 22:00 Thalidomide ­ The Fifty Year Fight 23:00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

01:45 Jackpot247 04:00 British Touring Car Championship 05:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Paul O'Grady: For the Love of Dogs 22:00 Wanted: A Family of My Own 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Billy Connolly's Big Send Off

HESTON'S GREAT BRITISH FOOD Heston Blumenthal seeks inspiration from the nation's rich history of chocolate­making to cre­ ate a supersized chocolate bar. With help from leading brands, the chef crafts a homage to sever­ al popular treats as part of the first­ever Great Bar of Britain, which he unveils at a feast. He also makes a `Moos bar' ­ a combination of beef nougat, shortbread biscuit, and beef and Guinness caramel ­ and a unique range of goodies in an edible box.

00:05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:05 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:50 Random Acts 01:55 Josh (12A) 03:35 Sunset Blvd 05:30 Four Rooms 06:25 SuperScrimpers 06:50 Deal or No Deal 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:55 Undercover Boss USA 11:55 Come Dine with Me 12:55 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:00 Come Dine with Me 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Posh Pawn 22:00 Heston's Great British Food 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

00:50 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:45 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:10 SuperCasino 04:10 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Nick's Quest 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Police Interceptors 13:40 DIY Dummies 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Jane Doe: The Wrong Face 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Cowboy Builders 22:00 Trauma Doctors 23:00 Person of Interest

42

Friday, May 9, 2014

AUCTIONS

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

CARS FOR SALE ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

great opportunity for some­ one wanting their own busi­ ness, for more comprehen­ sive information contact Glen on 606926437 (164)

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

BLINDS BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES BUSINESS OPPORTUNI­ TY, two clothing shops for sale either as a pair or sep­ arate, both trading, sold fully equipped and stocked, a

CATERING

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and Worship. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any Church background or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com 968575417 or 966848806.

Easter Services, Good Friday at 11 am with Holy Communion, and Easter Sunday at 11 am.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

The rainbow centre for spiri­ tual awareness. We meet in the function room at Sacos bar el Liminar just off the CV 905 Rojales Torrevieja road.

We have a divine service every Sunday at 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoyance at 7.30 pm. Also there is an open circle held every wed evening at 5.30 pm for any­ one interested in clairvoy­ ance. Healing is available by trained and certified healers after each meeting a warm welcome to friends old and new. The mediums for May 2014 are Sunday 4th Jacqueline Holland hunt.

Wed 7th David Darnbourgh.

Sunday 11th Ray Bailey Wed 14th Debie Blevins.

Sunday 18th Morag Bullock Wed 21st Morag Bullock.

Sunday 25th Anna Marie Wed 28th Jimmy McArthur

BARBER

ALARMS

Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­ prehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963 Ford Focus 1.8 TDCi Estate 2004. One owner. 80.000 Miles. Full service history.

Silver. No Damage. €5.000.

Guardamar. ITV. Suma.

Very clean with dog guard.

619 329 393 (168)

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

PERSONAL SALMA, 29, PASSIONATED MASSEUSSE. LOTS of FANTASIES .LA ZENIA, OPPOSITTE ZENIA BOULEVARD 15. TURQUE­

CARPENTER

SA St Behind MERCADONA S BACK Gate.www.sensual­ spain.net 656 314 941 MATURE PASSIONATED WOMAN 40, GENEROUS and CARING BUSTY .TURQUESA St Behind MERCADONA s BACK Gate opposite NEW white houses www.sensualspain.net 656 314 941 KAREN! NEW in. LA ZENIA BEAUTIFUL BODY? Biggest breast, biggest bot­ tom NICE figure.....Close to Consum supermarket HOUSE 77 www.sensual­ spain.net 627 203 147

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Santiago de la Ribera 2 bed­ room townhouse close to beach and shops with com­ munal pool €350 monthly short or long term lease Call 0044 7890996330 ­ 968570645 (162) Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS

43

Friday, May 9, 2014 ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Molino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb commu­

nal pool area, in within walk­ ing distance of bars, restau­ rants and shops. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals.

Call us on 96 692 3963

PROPERTY FOR SALE Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bath­ room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2

CAR BREAKERS

cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Rare opportunity to pur­ chase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­ munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating,

Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref: 78, €110,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­ by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­ munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial

DRAINAGE

centre. Situated in the popu­ lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3 Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.

Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage

areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom, Unfurnished Mid Terraced Townhouse in GA. Recently decorated throughout means this property is a very clean black canvass.

Has Air­Con & Security Grills and the use of a Communal Pool. Price recently reduced to 110.000e Ref.K12 Tel. 627711155

PETS

GARDENER

44

Friday, May 9, 2014

Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­ bished apartment in a good central location.

Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appli­ ances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter­

race, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten­ nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul­de­sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gar­ dens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,pri­ vate parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large

RAG AND BONE

PLUMBERS

POOL TABLES

Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155 Ref: 516, €23,950. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155 Offers Invited on a mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner, Galleria, Solarium, Under build.

Communal Pool and Gardens, and with Exceptional Views of Alicante. Being Sold Fully Furnished including White Goods. Ref. K42 Tel. 627711155 (reasonable offers only) Reduced for a quick sale to 95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bath­ room, Top Floor Duplex in Gran Alacant. Very Modern Property with Many extras.

Glazed in Porch, Roof Top Solarium, Wooden Flooring.

Immaculate condition and ready to move in. Ref. K15 Tel. 627711155.

Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this

2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge­diner, independent kitchen, full roof­top solari­ um with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views.

Situated at the end of a small cul­de­sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and stor­ age in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of out­ side parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

REMOVALS

WINDOW CLEANER

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL needs motivated sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a bonus but not essential.

Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainterna­ tional.com OP Group Spain are seek­ ing 2 enthusiastic people to join their expanding team.

Position 1 is for an experi­ enced office administrator at their La Finca Golf office.

Position 2 is for an experi­ enced sales negotiator for their La Marina office. The ideal candidates will speak English and at least one other language and will have good knowledge of the local real estate market.

Both positions are full time with contracts and competi­ tive rates of pay. Please send your CV’s into Stuart on stuart.markham @opgroupspain.com or call 966729653 Chef required full time must have at least 5 years experi­ ence and Spanish hygiene certificate. Bar staff required must have experience. Part time hours. Bar situated in El Raso near Guardamar.

Contact 672 929 585 (168) Situations Vacant. Top Chef Required for The Med Bistro Bar, Guardamar. Excellent package and incentives. Tel. 0044 7917 1658 65 or email: andysteve@aol.com (168) English / Russian translator required by book publisher.

Call 618 715 998 for more info.

criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

SITUATIONS WANTED Gardening, property mainte­ nance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your prob­ lems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud,

POOLS

SURVEYOR

VAN HIRE

WANTED

Friday, May 9, 2014

Greenside Gossip

45

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

RULES ARE RULES

There’ve been several high­­profile Rules cases this year for golfers to get their teeth into and this gives us a chance to sort out where every­ body stands.

I just thought I have to do something to make sure that I feel okay with myself.”

Garcia’s sporting gesture was applauded, especially in light of the fact that he went on to lose his match by one hole to Fowler.

WRONG FOOT FORWARD

Back in January, Rory McIlroy was left regretting a two­stroke penalty he incurred in the third round of the Abu Dhabi Golf Championship, which even­ tually saw him finish one stroke behind winner Pablo Larrazábal. It is common at Tour events for the spectator crossing points to be outlined with white paint and declared by Local Rule to be ground under repair (GUR). The reason for this is that over the duration of the tournament, these areas can become damaged by the volume of spectator traffic crossing the fair­ ways.

Interference by an abnormal ground condition, such as GUR or casual water, occurs when a ball lies in or touches the condition or when the condition interferes with the player’s stance or area of his intended swing. McIlroy’s ball had come to rest within the margins of one of these spectator crossing points on the 2nd hole and he elected to take relief without penalty under Rule 25­1 (Abnormal Ground Conditions).

McIlroy dropped the ball within one club­length of the near­ est point of relief and not nearer the hole, and then played the ball. However, a fellow­competitor’s caddie noticed that McIlroy’s left foot was still in the GUR when he made the stroke. The caddie mentioned this to McIlroy before he signed and returned his score card so that they could check it out. It is worth remembering that no alteration can be made to your score card once you have returned it to the Committee (Rule 6­6c) so this gave McIlroy the chance to discuss it with the Chief Referee before submitting his score for the third round.

John Paramor, the European Tour’s Chief Referee who

BLAYNE TO BLAME

reviewed the incident with McIlroy said: "When he stood to the ball, his left foot was standing on or just over the line demarking the area of ground under repair which is part of the ground under repair."

When taking relief you must take complete relief. That is, you cannot choose to take relief from the lie of the ball only ­ you must take relief from everything that is “interference”.

Therefore, the player must take relief for the lie of the ball, the stance and the area of intended swing. By having one foot in the GUR, McIlroy technically still had interference from the GUR and by subsequently playing the ball he played from the wrong place incurring a two­stroke penalty.

McIlroy commented, "I knew the rule. I knew you have to take full relief. I just didn't know where my foot was."

SPORTING CONCESSION

In playing the 7th hole at the WGC Accenture Match Play Championship, Sergio Garcia offered to halve the hole with his opponent Ricky Fowler before they had both putted out.

At the time, Fowler had a putt of 17ft for a par, while Garcia had much shorter putt of 6ft for his par. Under the Rules, an agreement to halve a hole being played is permissible.

However, if players agree to con­ sider a hole halved without either player making a stroke on the hole, they should be disqualified under Rule 1­3 for agreeing to exclude the operation of Rule 2­1 by failing to play the stipulated round.

The sporting offer was therefore permitted and was obviously in favour of Fowler, who had the longer putt for par. But this had fol­ lowed an incident on the previous hole, where Fowler had been forced to wait for a ruling Garcia had requested. The ruling took some time to conclude and when it was eventually Fowler’s turn to play, he missed his makeable birdie putt.

When questioned about it, Garcia explained, “I felt guilty that my drop on the 6th took so long.

I felt like if I would have been in his position, I would have been uncomfortable waiting so long to hit my birdie putt. So

TITTER ON THE TEE A senior citizen said to his eighty­year old golfing part­ ner.

I hear you're getting married?'

Yes!' 'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Nah, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

Blayne Barber shot a 4­under 67 in the first round of the Web.com Tour’s Brasil Champions event in March, leaving him three shots off the pace. Unfortunately, Barber failed to sign his score card before leaving the scoring area and was subse­ quently disqualified. Signing the score card is fundamental to the game and fail­ ing to carry out this responsibility, results in disqualification (Rule 6­6b). A signature is the stamp of approval and attests to the score achieved by the player. Both the marker and the player must sign the score card to confirm that this is the actual score for the play­ er, which in turn protects the interests of the whole field.

This was the third time in the past 18 months that Barber had found himself disqualified from a Tour event. Days after advancing past the first round of the PGA Tour qualifying school in 2012, Barber realised after the fact that he had failed to include a penalty for touching a loose impediment in a hazard. Then last August, he was disqualified from an event, this time for signing in error for a score lower at a hole than he actually achieved.

BOUNDARY BLOOPER

Nathan Smith was disqualified from the Arnold Palmer Bay Hill Invitational for playing a ball from out of bounds. Smith found his ball in an area to the side of the 5th hole and failed to notice that the area was deemed to be out of bounds. A ball lying out of bounds is no longer in play and thus is a wrong ball. Accordingly, the player incurs a two­stroke penal­ ty for playing the wrong ball and must correct the error by proceeding under Rule 27­1, incurring the stroke and dis­ tance penalty. As Smith did not correct his error before he teed off at the 6th hole, he was disqualified (Rule 15­3b).

DIVOT DILEMA

Playing the final hole of his final round, at the Trophee Hassan II in Agadir, Morocco in March, Alejandro Canizares of Spain, had a seven­stroke lead. His second shot to the 18th hole finished up in a very unlucky lie, when it rolled back down a steep greenside bank and settled immediately behind an attached divot. Unfortunately, in this case the divot had not been pressed down or repaired properly, almost covering his entire ball, leaving Canizares with a dif­ ficult chip back up the bank to the green.

Canizares requested a ruling but was not permitted to remove the divot by the referee. A player must not improve or allow to be improved the position or lie of his ball, the area of his intended stance or swing, or his line of play by moving, bending breaking anything growing or fixed (Rule 13­2). A divot which is completely detached and has not been replaced with the roots downwards in its hole is classed as a loose impediment and through the green may be removed.

However, a divot which is not completely detached is not a loose impediment. It is something fixed and therefore its removal or replacement would be a breach of Rule 13­2 as the lie and area of intended swing would be improved.

The Etiquette Section of the Rules of Golf encourages golfers to carefully repair any divot holes out of courtesy to fellow­competitors and to help avoid such situations.

Canizares, despite the tough shot he faced, went on to win the tournament.

46

Friday, May 9, 2014

ANGEL OF JOY BARCELONA 2 GETAFE 2

A stoppage­time goal from Angel Lafita snatched a dramatic draw for Getafe, which could prove fatal to the Catalan club's hopes of retaining the Primera Division title.

Gerardo Martino's men looked all set for a win when Alexis Sanchez fired home in the second half after Lafita had earlier cancelled

out Lionel Messi's opener. But struggling Getafe grabbed an unlikely point with anoth­ er equaliser from Lafita, some 90 seconds into stoppage time. With Atletico surprisingly losing, Barca are 3 points off the top and they meet Atletico in the final match of the season after this Sunday’s trip to Elche.

ILICITANOS HANG ON

ALL OVER FOR MADRID VALLADOLID 2 REAL MADRID 2

Humberto Osorio's late equaliser lifted Valladolid out of the relegation zone and realistically killed off Madrid’s title hopes on Wednesday night. Sergio Ramos hit a superb free­kick to give the visitors the lead

after they had to weather a storm from the hosts. But just as they looked to have tied up the points, Osorio headed home towards the end. Madrid are away to Celta Vigo on Sunday.

CRIS SPARES BLUSHES REAL MADRID 2 VALENCIA 2

MALAGA 0 ELCHE 1

Cristiano Ronaldo's stoppage­time goal salvaged a 2­2 draw for Real Madrid as they followed Barcelona and Atletico Madrid in dropping points on a dramatic weekend in

the title race. Valencia twice led at the Bernabeu before Ronaldo stabbed the ball home with a deft backheel two minutes into five added on.

WILD WEST SUNDAY

Garry Rodrigues' early strike was all Elche needed to claim the points in a crucial victory over Malaga at La Rosaleda. Rodrigues struck after 11 minutes to clinch three much­ needed points for Fran Escriba's side in their attempt to beat relegation in their first sea­

son back in the top flight, but were made to fight all the way as Alberto Botia's late red card saw them play out the final minutes with 10 men. With two matches left, Elche are 4 points clear of the drop zone, but they enter­ tain Barcelona this Sunday.

CD MONTESINOS 0 RAFAL 3

DIFFERENT CLASS UD ALZIRA 3 FC TORREVIEJA 0

Torrevieja’s recent good run ended at second­placed Alzira in tame fashion, with Torry giving teenager Samuel his debut in goal. Torry finish their campaign with a Saturday encounter at the Vicente Garcia against Castellon, kicking off at 6.30pm. This is to avoid a Sunday clash with near neigh­

The local police and Guardia Civil had a busy afternoon as on the field, Montesinos saw their faint chances of making into the play­off’s go down the drain. The cops were brought in to sort out Rafal fans who com­ plained about having to pay to see the match, and then the officers had some unex­ pected second half action when they had to break up a mass brawl that broke out bours Elche who entertain Barcelona in their between the two sides. Things got even ugli­ final home game of the season. Torry hope er after the final whistle when the Guardia to complete the league double over their were called in to deal with allegations of opponents and end the season on a high racial abuse against two of Monte’s foreign note. The Torry Army will be making two pre­ players, Dimitry and Vaz. On the field, Rafal were too quick for the sentations before the match, including that home side with Monte keeper Christian for Player of the Year.

being kept busy, and the visitors holding a one­nil half­time lead. Things turned rougher in the 2nd half, with Dimitry sent off for a 50/50 challenge, and then the referee lost control as Vaz was punched by a Rafal defender, but the official was the only person who didn’t see it. This all sparked off a bare­ knuckle brawl akin to a wild west saloon showdown with the local coppers sprinting on to do their impression of John Wayne in calming things down. Vaz got his marching orders along with the Rafal player, and then despite great spirit from the Monte players, the visitors got 2 quick goals to seal their win. Montesinos end their season this week­ end away to Racing San Miguel.

47

Friday, May 9, 2014

SO – DOES HIRE/FIRE WORK?

In this tumultuous season where a number of high­ profile Premier League clubs have dramatically dispensed with their man­ agers, and replaced them with others in a desperate measure to avoid the dreaded drop – has it worked?

Think Crystal Palace, Sunderland, West Brom, Sunderland, Cardiff, Norwich and Fulham (so good they did it twice…).

Then consider those fellow strugglers who didn’t panic: like West Ham, Stoke, Hull and Aston Villa. All three clubs now relegated, Fulham, Cardiff and Norwich (almost) came from the first group ­ which would tend to suggest the knee­jerk mer­ chants all got it all wrong.

One of the key issues that all managers crave is time – precious, expensive time to be allowed to tinker, make mistakes, essentially learn

from them and get it right in enough time to avoid trou­ ble. Very experienced men like Tony Pulis, Sam Allardyce, Mark Hughes and Steve Bruce have had time to ‘bed in’ to their clubs, bring in their own people and stabilise their team situ­ ations, getting the all­impor­ tant dressing room right to engender the necessary results to take the fear away, replace it with confidence… and build for the future.

The worst offenders in the hire/fire brigade are Fulham.

‘He’s never been relegated – he has now’ applies to Felix Magath, an experi­ enced German coach whose CV shows he has previously coached half the Bundesliga successfully ­ but this time the order was too tall. Fulham had already sacked poor old Martin Jol and then Rene Meulensteen, both highly­ experienced and respected

coaches ­ but neither could stop the rot. Perhaps the mismanagement came down from the top of the Cottage ?

The decision of kamikaze Cardiff owner Vincent Tan to publicly fire his manager appears in retrospect to be a hugely­unpopular embar­ rassing mistake, where many of us considered Malky Mackay was the right man for the job. After all, he got the Red Bluebirds there ­ and given the necessary time many think would have turned things around in time to save the South Walians – so I feel the blame for rele­ gation lies squarely with Tan. As for the wisdom of appointing a rookie like Ole Solskjaer ­ pleasant lad but no experience of managing in the Prem ­ well, I’m sorry but the nice Norwegian always looked fjords out of his depth.

Just what Norwich were

thinking of when finally poor old Chris Hughton got his marching orders with six games to go is anyone’s guess. Who was going to keep the Canaries flying?

Answer, no­one, especially a relatively­unknown reserve team manager charged with taking his team into the cruellest run­in of all the bottom clubs. Even managerless Man United soundly beat Neil Adam’s team, making themselves look Giggsy­good in the process – which the Reds are not currently.

Despite terrific Cup runs Sunderland were bottom and odds­on to go down three weeks ago. I certainly thought they would, even Gus Poyet said the Black Cats needed miracles. Well, proving that they do happen Sunderland drew 2 – 2 with mighty Man City at The Etihad (and nearly won), amazingly beat Chelsea at

DUNN’S DO IT Uno is number one

The Bridge 2 ­1, then ham­ mered the nails into Cardiff’s coffin 4 – 0 and on Saturday reminded everyone at Old Trafford the Red Devils are still in crisis still but illuminat­ ing everyone at The Stadium of Light to finally, amazingly escape against all those odds and proved the pessimists ­ like me – wrong : Poyet for Pope!

West Brom looked to have got Steve Clarke’s sacking wrong, but changed man­ agers early enough for another highly­experienced jefe, Spaniard Pepe Mel to get it right – at last. What with Anelka­gate and throw­ ing away vital points in the final moments of matches, Baggies fans have had a roller­coaster of a season, but have deservedly stayed up: the quality is there to build on.

Worrabout West Ham? If ever a man’s shoulders needed to be broad it’s Sam Allardyce’s. The Hammers were in huge problems with captain­led indiscipline, key injuries and even savage crowd baiting. But in the end their steady improvement proved the owners, the under­fire Davids Gold and Sullivan right in backing their man, as West Ham fin­

ished respectfully in mid­ table. Well done Sam, I say.

Some say Tony Pulis should be Manager of the Year – and they have a case. Like Felix Magath (was), the Welshman’s proud boast was never hav­ ing been relegated but when Tony took the reins at Selhurst Park the Hollowayed­out Eagles had forgotten how to fly. But with the loyal fans roaring them on every week, the club ALL pulled together to get things right, and slowly but surely the defence stopped leak­ ing, the forwards started scoring and Palace are fin­ ishing the season strongly in hugely­respectable mid­ table safety (ask Liverpool… ).

In conclusion it would seem IF a club decides to change managers, then it should be done early enough to give the new man a chance – oh, and buy a sound track record, don’t risk inexperience. Think very hard before you do it ­ is the incumbent just having a poor spell ­ which happens to everyone? This year’s sea­ sonal statistics have provided some wonderful cautionary facts of do’s – and some defi­ nite don’ts ­ for football club owners.

MASTERFUL BESTS

The Murcia­based Ford­Dunn brothers had a decent start to the recently held first­round of the Spanish Supermoto Championships in Villena. In blustery conditions, Anthony qualified 3rd in the Premier SM Open championship class, and finished 5th, 2nd and 4th in his three races to come away with a 3rd overall for the day’s racing. Older Brother Mat (pic­ tured chasing the leader) qualified in pole position for the SM35 Master championship and came 2nd and 3rd in his two races, which gave him a 3rd overall placing. The next race day for the brothers sees them involved in the Catalan cham­ pionship event this Sunday at Menarguens in Catalunya.

Windy conditions made it tough going for the recent SAMM Mar Menor races, with a tough initial course that led to the first race being abandoned. Race number 2 was won by Shoestring Uno, with John Down at the helm, leading from start to finish.

Torrevieja Swimming Club’s competitors were busy with the Masters local Time Controls event last Sunday ahead of the Regional Masters competition at the end of the month being hosted in the city. Up against 100 swimmers, the team did well with a good set of results in the various age cate­ gories, with a range of personal bests across the board.

Friday, May 9, 2014

48

CITY HOME IN ON THE TITLE!

A late Double­Dzeko Blue bus slithered through the mud and rain at the Etihad to finally put paid to Aston Villa’s stubborn resistance, worn down by Man City’s power, and by the end it had become a deluge, ending 4 – 0 with a master class from 20 Prem goals Yaya Toure, yet another colossal performance from the big, big man. City’s super striker Sergio Aguero was still unfit and solid Silva stood in, but a blue dagger was stabbed into Red Liverpudlian hearts by deadly Edin Dzeko, always in Aguero’s shadow as first choice but this super sea­ son he has scored the vital goals in City’s run in.

First Arsenal, then Chelsea, and finally Liverpool stuttered and blew their title chances. OK, agreed it’s not all over yet and football has always had a long­ deserved reputation for upsetting the odds and snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. But surely (even) City can put West Ham away – at home again, fortunately – on Sunday to wrench the Premier League title back again from their nasty neighbours Man United. How Gaaling for the Reds!

I’ve seen the lot now – On manic Monday both teams grabbing the ball straight after scoring and rushing it back for the kick off ­ but for different reasons.

Liverpool trying to reduce the goal difference at the top between them and Man City as they went three up, but then with only 11 mad minutes left Crystal Palace started playing catch­up as a Gayle­force gust reduced the deficit in just nine crazy minutes to even­

John McGregor reports

tually draw three all by the end and in doing so finally destroy the Reds title chances: bizarre.com.

Inquest question: does the brilliance of Liverpool’s SAS, plus other ‘S’ type scoring from the likes of Sterling and Skrtel all disguise a soft Scouse under­ belly that has been regularly penetrated but patched­ up in the pressure for points? Wins like 6 ­3 over Cardiff, 4 – 3 against Swansea, and 5 – 3 over Stoke put the 3 – 3 Palace result into perspective. Of the four top teams, Liverpool have conceded 49 v Man City’s 37, Chelsea’s 26 and Arsenal’s 41. A Champions team always needs a credible defence, no?

Hey, old Mourinho’s getting some stick: funny how a week can change everything. It’s looking like déjà vu after JM’s last barren Real Madrid season… Jose was ‘it’ only the other week when Chelski pushed past PSG into the Champions League semis and drew away in Madrid. In the Prem, the reserves parked their Blue bus at Anfield, with luckless leader Stevie G letting Demba Ba humbug in to suddenly savage the Reds title hopes. In the second Euro leg ,Diego Simeone’s Atletico, who are sweeping all before them en Espana duly swept past the Blues at The Bridge.

This dark disappointment was followed four days later by a dirgy draw against nervy, nearly­down Norwich. No way, Jose.

Suddenly Roman’s right­hand ruler is lashing out in all directions: one­time hero Hazard isn’t a team play­ er, Oscar’s eyes aren’t on the Blue ball but Brazil, and newbies Salah and Matic are feeling the lash of Mou’s tongue. Oh, and sadly, sniff… oldies like Lampard, Cech, Terry and Cole, aka the Chelsea Pensioners are checking their retirement statements. With the latter

two in tears post­ Norwich, Robert Huth of Stoke said crying on the pitch should merit a three match ban. I blame Gazza.

‘Chelsea need a good striker’, says Mourinho. Oh, really, that’s news, yawn (shh, look ­ the ghost of Didier Drogba still dangles over The Bridge – he always dug Chelsea out when the Blues needed a goal). Just don’t mention loanee Lukaku as Romelu scored his 17th of his sensational season for Everton against Man City – now then, who owns Lucky?

Old Trafford last Tuesday night was the emotional setting for saying goodbyes and thanks to some after illustrious careers, like Nemanja Vidic and possibly Ryan Giggs himself. But it also heralded the arrival of new starlets like 18 year­old James Wilson, said to have been earning rave reviews in the reserves. The Theatre of Dreams debutee duly dreamily scored twice in the 3 – 1 win over Wembley­bound Hull. As to the direct managerial vacancy at Old Trafford ‘Der, don’t know’ is spoken and written all over the weary, designer­stubbled face of Giggs as the Interim One is managing, sort of. The Welshman put himself on as sub with 20 minutes to go for his 963rd appearance in his Red shirt, which may prove to be his last. Ryan Giggs the player has never been in doubt: but man­ aging a club like Manchester United? Liaise with Louis, lads.

Finally, gorgeous Gus Poyet starred in The Great Escape with cameo roles from Connor Wickham, Fabio Borini and all the other lucky Black Cats who helped make staying up possible against all the odds. 2 – 0 against fellow­strugglers West Brom sealed it. There will be no miracles for Norwich come Sunday, all the plaudits go to Gus – but will he stay?