Week 169

Edition 169

www.thecourier.es

Friday, May 16, 2014

BLUE IS THE COLOUR Local beaches lead the way in quality

By ALEX TRELINSKI Costa Blanca and Murcia’s beaches have been recognised with the biggest cluster of Blue Flags in Spain alongside the Galicia region.

The country boasts a new total of 681 award­winning beaches which is an overall rise of 34 compared to 2013, with Murcia’s tally going up by 7 to 33, whilst the Valencian region has a total of 135 beaches that have the Blue Flag award. 60 of the flags in Valencia are on the Costa Blanca in Alicante Province, including a special educa­ tional award to Santa Pola.

The Blue Flag has been handed out internationally since 1987 for beaches that achieve what the organisation describes as high quality standards or

accessibility, water quality, respect for the law, and environmentally friendly.

Spain’s has the largest amount of Blue Flags in Europe and the Northern Hemisphere, with an overall rise of 23 over the last year, according to the fig­ ures released by the International Blue Flag Jury in Madrid. It means that 1 in 5 Spanish beaches will fly the Blue Flag this summer, with over 200 more awards than the second highest coun­ try in Europe, which is France.

Spain’s Tourist Minister, Isabel Borrego, said that the record number of flags confirmed Spain as a premium holiday destination and that the flags help to strengthen Spain’s international image amongst tourists, especially in choosing to visit the coast when they come here.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

Are you a snapper? Do you have a great photo? Send it to design@thecourier.es and if we think it is good enough we will publish it as our Picture of the Week TELEPHONE

E­MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon ­ Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Alex Trelinski CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Alan Tel 616 332 178 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor

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Picture of the Week

96 692 1003 679 096 309

Monkey/Alien fingers... Photo by SONIA KNIGHTSBRIDGE BENIJOFAR

POLITICIAN SLAIN WATCHERS

WARNING

A 59­year­old mother has confessed to fir­ ing the bullets that killed Spanish politician Isabel Carrasco, shot down in the city of León on Monday, saying she did it because of a "personal grudge". María Montserrat G. F told police investigators she killed Carrasco because of the way her 35­year­ old daughter had been treated.

Her daughter, also being held in custody over the murder, was fired in 2011 from the provincial government headed up by ruling Popular Party politician Carrasco, and had been locked in a wage dispute with the regional authority since that time. The con­ fession comes despite earlier declarations by the pair that they had played no part in the crime. Police believe the murder was planned and that the mother and daughter

pair had lain in wait near the politician's house on several occasions.

The crime was committed on Monday because Carrasco had been walking alone, but could have taken place on another day, police said. The role of the daughter in the crime is yet to be determined, as is that played by her friend and police officer who handed in the murder weapon some 24 hours after the crime.

Monday's killing has shocked Spain, with Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy decrying it as a "wretched crime". Mourning relatives wept outside a public building where Carrasco's body lay in state, attended by Rajoy and other leading politicians, while thousands of people filed past the politican's casket to pay their final respects.

Home owners in the Villamartin area and across the Orihuela Costa have been warned of the return of an old trick being used by house and car robbers. The Orihuela Costa Neighbourhood Watch group has heard about a thief strik­ ing in Villamartin last month, where a stick and net were used to remove a set of car keys from inside a property, and this included the remote control to the residencia gates. The car was then stolen, and it’s lead to the group issuing the regular annual warning about leav­ ing doors and windows open as the temperatures

become warmer.

“Should anyone or hear anything suspicious, they should call the police imme­ diately”, said Chris Poole of the watch group. “Even if it turns out to be a false alarm, it doesn´t matter as far as the police are concerned, providing that the call is not made with malicious intent.

This can be done by ringing 112 where operators speak in Spanish, English, German or Scandinavian.”

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines?

What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap­

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

ROW CONTINUES BUS TRAGEDY

Orihuela council has been threatened with legal action in the latest twist in the awarding of beach bar contracts.

Representatives of the bidders that were not considered because the council say they did not meet the necessary quality threshold have written to the Mayor, and have warned him that they have no intention of stopping their campaign , unless they get some answers as to why the franchise was given to a company, Chiringuitos del Sol, that owed close to one million Euros to the council. That’s in addition to seeking explanations as to why none of them appeared to pass the minimum quality threshold. They say they will take the matter to court and have called for a new tendering process to begin. Orihuela council have now given Chiringuitos del Sol up to the start of July to pay back what is owed to them, or face losing the franchise.

Meanwhile, coastal councillor Martina Scheurer has pub­ lished details of a tender for a new lifeguard service for the Orihuela Costa, pledging that there will be lifeguards this summer, after the previous franchise holder backed out, say­ ing that they could not make it pay. The tender is worth 325 thousand Euros for this year, and will also take in the Easter and Summer of 2015.

Dramatic farewell

Over a thousand people packed into a sports hall on Saturday to attend the funeral of five young soccer players who were killed when their minibus collided with a digger last Thursday (May 8th). The mayor of Monterrubio, Antonio Blazquez, said that local residents are "destroyed" by the deaths of these youths, all between ages 12 and 15, and warned that "the worst is yet to come."

The 37 year old digger driver involved in the collision in the western region of Extremadura has been arrested and held in custody, after being found to have hashish and cocaine in his system. The judge is investigating him on five counts of negligent homicide, one count of causing serious injury and another against road safety. The accident occurred at 9.22pm on Thursday when the minibus taking the youngsters home overturned just a few minutes’ drive from Monterrubio de la Serena (Badajoz), a village of 2,600 residents where all the players lived.

NO WORRIES A small plane crash­landed in the Rufines area of Pilar de la Horadada on Saturday with the pilot and his female pas­ senger escaping with just a few scratches. The plane lost height at around 7.30pm en route from Vinerós in the north­ ern part of the Valencia region, as it was heading towards San Javier in Murcia, with the pilot making an emergency landing which involved dodging some power cables. He and his passenger exited the plane with no medical treatment needed, and the authorities are working on the theory that engine failure caused the incident.

WEEVIL TALK

NASTY ROMANIANS

The National Police have broken up a four­strong Romanian gang that targeted older people in the Orihuela area. They’d steal jewellery and valuables that they were wearing as they kissed and thanked them for donating to a bogus charity in aid of deaf people. In one incident in Beniel, the wife of a man who had been assaulted tried to stop two of the gang from escaping and they were arrested by the local police. All four con artists have criminal records, and authorities have not ruled out further arrests.

WHOOPS

6 funeral­goers in southern Spain were taken to hospital after their loved one's coffin fell on them. Mourners in the Andalusian city of Ronda left the cemetery with more than just a tear in their eye when the ladder being used to put the coffin in the upper tier of niches collapsed. The casket, which was already at around two metres above ground level, fell on top of the mourners along with the metal ladder. Six people were taken to hospital with slight injuries, with the funeral service still being able to be completed, although the coffin was badly damaged.

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Two cranes were called in on Tuesday morning to remove a lorry that had keeled over on the CV913 roundabout at Catral. The vehicle had just left the AP7 at 8.30am and the driver walked away uninjured, with the road being cleared two and half hours later.

A new repellent against the dreaded red palm weevil was one of the key things discussed in a special conference in Elche dedicated to the fight against the palm killer. The Congress Centre brought together experts for “The Elche Palm Grove, Present and Future” and they agreed that destroying the pest is close to impossible and that the main challenge is to control it and the damage that it does to palms. A new treatment has been created in the form of a repellent that stops females from laying their eggs in the palm trees, something that Elche council says that they are planning to use on their local palm groves.

Over in Guardamar, work has started this week, beginning in Avda. Cervantes (pictured), to prune and spray the 2 thou­ sand plus palms in the area, including those around El Raso.

The work will carry on for the rest of the month, which involve taking a census of all the trees and reporting on their state.

POLA’S BID

San Miguel fight BUTANO HELD

San Miguel de Salinas council is to fight a judgement that scrapped their urban plan which re­classi­ fied land that in theory could see 40 thousand new homes built in the municipality.

The council have gone to Spain’s Supreme Court to overturn the Valencian Supreme Court verdict against them, with one of their arguments being that the overwhelming number of people in the area repre­ sented by the main political parties support the plan.

FLYING HIGH

Spanish airliner Air Europa has declared war on the high­ speed AVE train service between Alicante and Madrid by launching a new range of cut­price services from El Altet air­ port from June. Air Europa is planning 2 return flights to the capital starting at 70 Euros a ticket, with the 70 seater aircraft providing the services from June 9th to October 25th. Iberia have also increased the number of Madrid flights from Alicante­Elche airport during the high season.

The cost of a bottle of butano will stay unchanged until at least this autumn at a maximum price of 17.50 Euros. VAT Santa Pola has thrown it’s hat into the ring to become the and excise duty hikes in the spring of 2013 saw a rise in over European City of Sport 2015. It’s competing in the category 1 Euro a bottle for the country’s 8 million users, and now a for towns and cities in the 25 thousand to 500 thousand pop­ new quarterly price revision process has kicked in, which ulation range, putting forward its reputation for hosting a wide guarantees no price fluctuations any higher than 5%. variety of sporting events aimed at all levels.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

ODE TO EUROPE

Torrevieja celebrated Europe Day last Friday (May 9th) in the city’s Plaza de la Constitution with hundreds of people from many nationalities watching the entertainment and tak­ ing part. Bagpiper Willie Hume got the festivities officially underway at 10.30am, and Torrevieja Mayor, Eduardo Dolon, spoke in English saying that Torrevieja “is a living example of tolerance, peace, integration, unity and harmony among citi­ zens of each of the 27 member states of the European Union and the rest of the world represented in nearly 120 national­ ities registered in our Register.” The European Union flag was then raised whilst the EU anthem and Spanish National Anthem were sung, before the crowds were entertained by a wide range of performers, with the TKO FM Roadshow in attendance.

AIRPORT TAXI CHALLENGE

LETHAL WEAPONS

COUNT ME IN

A 52 year old security guard is facing the music after buying guns from Guardia Civil auctions and then selling them onto crooks in the Alicante area.

Prosecutors at Alicante Provincial Court are calling for 10 years behind bars for Jaime M.G. who had built up an arse­ nal of weapons, which totaled 140 guns and rifles, as well as explosives, swords and knives. Some of the weapons date back to the Second World War, and were sold as collectors’ Murcia’s Ruth Lorenzo has said that she wants to repre­ items. They were altered so that they could not be used as sent Spain again in the Eurovision Song Contest. The former weapons, but the security guard reversed the procedure.

UK X Factor star said that she was very pleased with her per­ formance in the Copenhagen venue last Saturday night, which saw her finish a respectable 10th with Dancing in the Rain.

Lorenzo also admitted that she had become friends with the winner, Tom Neuwirth from Austria, in the form of his Two Russians are alter­ego, Conchita Wurst. “He deserved to win”, said Ruth. on trial in an Elche “and after his victory, we joked about doing a duet and bring­ court facing ing him over to Murcia”. charges of robbery with violence and false imprisonment after breaking into a Torrevieja house in September 2012.

The duo allegedly beat up a couple who were local estate agents that lived there and stole cash and jewellery. The prosecution have asked for a total of 57 years in jail for the two accused.

BREAK IN

CARING FOR THE CARERS

ONE FOR THE ROAD

Murcia’s Chamber of Commerce is take launch a legal challenge over the new restrictions against non­local taxi cabs operating out of Alicante­Elche airport. The new deal struck between the Elche cabbies and the authorities, includ­ ing Elche council puts a monthly quota of a maximum six times that an out of area taxi can use the airport at El Altet.

The Murcia Chamber says the new rules totally violate the concept of free competition

ALMORADI DEATH

An Almoradi man died after falling down a 200­metre cliff­face in the Sierra Nevada on Saturday. The 41­year­ old was out hiking in the Corral del Veleta area of the mountain reserve, within the municipal boundaries of Monachil in Granada province when he slipped into a ravine at around 11.30am.

Rescue services were called out by other mountaineers who witnessed the accident, and the walker was air­lifted by a Guardia Civil helicopter to nearby Borreguiles, where para­ medics were waiting at the heliport. Despite every effort and although he was rescued alive, conscious and able to give his name when asked, medical staff were unable to save the climber's life.

BOB A DRINK

A gas bottle delivery man hit his own personal bottle as he was caught out when he was driving at six times over the legal alcohol limit. The boozed­up 53 year old from Vera in Almeria was carrying 80 butane gas bottles on his truck when he veered off the main road and crashed into a wall, but he was not hurt and there wasn’t an explosion. When the drunk was breathalysed at the scene, he was found to have a read­ ing of one milligram of alcohol per litre of air exhaled, when the legal limit – which has reduced now that the new road traffic law reform has come into force – is 0.15 milligrams per litre. This is the equivalent of between three and six optic measures of spirits or standard glasses of wine. With the introduction of the traffic law reform, he is likely to face a min­ imum of a 1,000­euro fine.

BOUNCED

A coach driver, who was over the drink­drive limit, and was transporting 13 scouts has been arrested in the Murcia City area.

The man was apprehended at a routine­checkpoint on the A30 motorway and was said to be over three times the limit as he was taking the children last Saturday morning to a scout­troop meeting at El Esparragal village. The journey continued once the coach company found another driver who was sober.

NEW PROM

The first steps to improving the area between El Cura and Los Locos beach in Torrevieja has come with the awarding of a con­ tract for the design of new prome­ nade. The overall cost will be 900 thousand Euros, with building work expected to start later this year.

Carers of loved ones with Alzheimer's are at an 'extreme risk' of suffering mental and physical health problems, warns a Spanish nation­wide association supporting people close to dementia patients. The CEAFA says over two million individ­ uals in Spain spend an average of 79 hours a week looking after loved ones, usually immediate family members, who have Alzheimer's and 70% of them are in danger of becom­ ing ill themselves.

A total of 800,000 residents in Spain suffer from Alzheimer's, and 7 in 10 of those who look after them are afflicted with muscular, joint and bone pain, heart conditions, stomach or digestive conditions, respiratory problems or low immune systems as a result of the emotionally and physically exhausting role.

HOT RODS

A black Mercedes vehicle was badly damaged and two other cars also affected in a fire at a La Zenia supermarket car­park on Tuesday lunchtime. There were no injuries and it’s not known what caused the blaze

JOY OF NATIONS

A 38 year old man has been arrested in connection with five bouncy castles being wrenched free of their moorings in a major gust of wind last month. The drama in Alicante City on Sunday April 27th saw the inflatables being whisked into the air with screaming children fearing for their lives, though nobody was seriously injured. The National Police have sub­ sequently discovered problems and irregularities with the paperwork for the day, and the arrested man was apparently in charge of security for the event on Calle Teulada.

Quesada celebrated the wide variety of people from different nations who live there in a special International Residents Day last Saturday. Quesada’s Plaza Blanca was the set­ ting for a variety of events and demonstrations that had been organised by the International Relations department of Rojales council, which included music, dancing, and food. Rojales Mayor, Antonio Perez said that were some 74 different nationalities in the area, with some 17 thousand non­Spaniards (10 thousand of which are British) on a padron of 22 thousand people.

Friday, May 16, 2014

IT DID RAIN IN SPAIN

The streets of a Spanish city saw loose Euro notes rained down on it in a scene described as being lifted straight “out of the Wild West”. Bungling thieves had held up a bank in Coia near Vigo but dropped the safe on the road, and it burst open with all the notes being whipped up into the air by the breeze.

National Police were called out when four known serial armed robbers, described as 'very dangerous and violent', staged the hold­up at a branch of the Nova Galicia bank. The intruders fired two shots in the air to scare the employees into hand­

ing over the safe, which caused wide­ spread terror among the customers. When confronted by a human chain of armed police officers, the robbers attempted to flee the scene, dropping the safe deposit box as they did so.

Literally hundreds of bank notes were scattered all over the street, and passers­ by helped the police collect them up, even rescuing them from under parked cars. All four men were arrested in various parts of the city, one by plain­clothes officers who were hanging around outside a pizza restaurant pretending to be customers.

Friends and relatives planning to visit peo­ ple in Spain have been warned not to come over here without proper healthcare cover.

The British Embassy’s Healthcare Team reg­ ularly has to help Britons in hospital without the correct cover, and last year over 2,000 British holidaymakers found themselves in a public hospital in Spain and having to apply for a temporary replacement for their European Health Insurance Card (or EHIC), adding stress and frustration to urgent med­ ical treatment. Ex­pats have been told to remind visitors who are coming to Spain that a valid EHIC will save them time, trouble and expense.

The Healthcare team have now produced a short cartoon video called “Using your EHIC in Spain”, which stresses the impor­

tance of travel insurance. The Healthcare Team assists many more Brits who end up in private hospitals without travel insurance and facing medical bills of thousands of pounds. Private care is not covered by an EHIC, nor reimbursed by the National Health Service.

Jane Ellison, Public Health Minister said: “If you live in the UK, you are entitled to a free European Health Insurance card which gives you access to healthcare when travel­ ling in Europe. If you fall ill and aren’t prop­ erly covered, you may have to pay. This video gives important information about why you need a valid EHIC and travel insurance when visiting other European countries, and how to use the EHIC card should you need it.”

GET THAT CARD

FREE SAMPLES?

The Lagunas de la Mata and Torrevieja Natural Park has launched a series of guided tours for people to learn more about one of the region’s key environmen­ tal areas. The tours will focus on different aspects of the park and area, like the his­ tory of wine­making and agriculture.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

How the One went West...

I THINK the following article from last Sunday’s People newspaper proves that The One Show got their informa­ tion wrong.

The figures have been sup­ plied by the Spanish land reg­ istry.

Under the heading ‘Flats don't Costa pile’, The People reported: ‘Britons are flock­ ing to Spain's Costa Blanca ­ four decades after it took off as the nation's favourite package holiday resort ­ to buy a second home.

‘The area around Valencia is the most popular on the mainland for foreign home buyers, fuelled mostly by Brits cashing in on the weak Euro against the pound.

‘Overseas buyers have almost tripled in four years, according to Spanish land registry figures. A three­bed­ room, two­bathroom villa with pool for £158,000 is a typical buy’.

PHILLIP SMIRK, The Property Shop.

Urb El Raso

BUS-STOP BLUES AS AZUL CALLS A HALT AS a non­driving owner of a holiday home in La Zenia. I am writing to register my dismay over the sudden withdrawal

by Costa Azul Autobuses of the bus stop at La Zenia.

Whilst I appreciate the reason is that the bus com­ pany is being fined for causing an obstruction at the roundabout when the bus pulls in, to withdraw the bus stop completely, without an alternative place for a stopping point, seems a bit harsh.

At the moment our only alternative to catch the bus is a 15­minute walk at least to Cabo Roig one way, or Playa Flamenca the other way.

This of course causes a great deal of inconven­ ience, particularly if you have heavy shopping or lug­ gage if you are going to Alicante Airport.

I would have thought a the bus company and the local council could have placed a bus stop off the roundabout at La Zenia just past the Consum towards La Zenia Boulevard particularly as some buses already call at the Boulevard.

It would only mean a diversion of approximately 800 metres to the next roundabout to turn around. I would assume that a lot of residents and tourists use the bus service and am surprised there has not been a greater protest from everyone, including local busi­ nesses, with regard to the loss of the bus stop and would hopefully like to see the stop restored.

As I see it the only people to benefit are the taxi drivers who would take the people who cannot phys­ ically make it to alternative bus stops.

K JAMES, La Zenia

LETTERS AND EMAILS WILL ONLY BE CONSIDERED FOR PUBLICATION ON THIS PAGE IF AN ADDRESS AND CON­ TACT NUMBER ARE

THE COURIER MANAGEMENT DOES NOT NECESSARILY AGREE WITH THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS PAGE

IF I may add my perspective to the 90,000 they say have left Spain, many expats who sign on to the Padron, do so in the belief that that is the end of it.

They do not realise you have to renew this every two years, according to the Town Hall in Santa Pola, so expats who have not confirmed that they still live here are auto­ matically taken off.

I am sure that if everyone reading this were to renew their Padron, then Spain would show a net immigra­ tion.

BOB ARCHIBALD, Gran Alicant

I’m seeing red over Rob’s rant

I’M from Norwich and have never been to Alicante but I thought that the behaviour of Rob in the episode of Come Dine With Me repeat­ ed on 4OD was absolutely disgusting.

He was, without any provocation, extremely rude and unpleasant to Rosalind, who then felt uncomfortable and defen­ sive and so made some slightly nervous comments which Rob (pictured) and Carol in particular decided to take offence to.

The whole thing then descended into a vile episode of gang bullying in which Rob and Carol

Hot under the colour IN response to the letter from Always Be Blue (May 9), I wholeheartedly agree.

Having watched a lot of different football over the past year at places like Plymouth, Tranmere, Hibernian and Partick Thistle, and spoken with many different supporters, I concluded there is no way they would have meekly accepted such a change of identity as happened at Cardiff for the promise of "success".

I wrote a letter to this paper last year and the response from the Editor was along the lines of not caring if Cardiff City played in pink as long as they were in the Premier League. I was also dismissed as a Luddite by another Cardiff supporter who was so excited at playing in the Prem that he called me Mr Lewis.

I've not been to the Cardiff CIty Stadium since January 2013 as it no longer felt like the same club(or team) after years of dedi­ cated support home and away. I hope maybe one day I'll return but that will

depend on the return of identity and removal of the lunatic Vincent Tan. I appreciate the efforts of fans who have kept going and protesting against the rebrand, but it was my decision with around 300 others to boycott and I feel both were valid.

Unfortunately, those who happily sup­ ported the colour and badge change for the promise of such success have got the club they deserve, nearly £100m in debt.

I make no apologies for stating this there is a divide which will be always be very dif­ ficult to heal. I supported Cardiff City through thick and thin and if success came, then that was a bonus, but was never really the point unless you were a supporter of that type without any soul.

I fully support the restoration of the iden­ tity of Cardiff City and the removal of Vincent Tan ­ whatever the cost, whatever the division, whatever the rebirth.

MIKE JAMES, Torrevieja

together decided to pick on Rosalind and ruin her evening. I think Rob had had his night and been scored, so he was ready to get nasty. Carol was far too stupid to see what was going on and joined in. I felt very sorry for Rosalind (to the extent that I’m actu­ ally leaving a message here).

That’s my view as an unbiased independent third party.

LIZ CLEGG, Norwich

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Friday, May 16, 2014

I DREAMT last night that I was a lost moggy wandering among the street cats of inner­city Manchester.

I was the only one with a tail.

These guys weren’t Manx cats. They were Manc brats.

Street fighters with a bit of Irish in them, like comic leg­ end Korky the Kat. They spent most of the dream singing Mewchester United songs dedicated to their troll model, Catty from Cork. I think he's the sour­ puss­in­boots that all Mew­ nited fans idolise. The one that humans call Roy Keane.

The only subject the dream cats wanted to miaow about was furball.

I heard so much of it that the pun cushion that used to be my brain is under threat from a cat’s chorus of chants about Alex Fur­gone's son, or whatever his name is.

Personally, I prefer to remember the days when Denis Paw was top cat around those parts.

Anyway, my street­cat dream (more of a nightmare really) was triggered by a desire to spend more time with my family in the UK. I have to decide whether to take Tom and Dick, my twin black gatos, with me to England – or try to find a new home for them here In Spain.

They have no language problems here, but Keith, my cousin's moggy in

A TAIL OF TWO KITTIES Life would be so Tom, Dick and hairy if my softies got hijacked by Mew-nited scally cats Manchester, reckons they’ll need to be wary of the locals.

Otherwise they might find themselves missing an ear or an eye. Or walking on any­ thing between one and three

Tom (left) and Dick ­ or is it the other way round?

legs.

Keith’s local street­cat clan call themselves the Kitty Kitty Gang Gang. They are cer­ tainly no Pads Army ­ apart, perhaps from scabby tabby

Fur­Gus, who has all his limbs but is perpetually leg­ less.

Keith (who is not a boy, by the way), says things have changed for the worse for

local felines over the last 30 years.

She recalls: “In my great­ great­great­grandparents’ day, the Manc cat community had some fur­midable role

MY PAIN IN SPAIN IS ON THE WANE

I’VE never been keen on flying. In fact I once tried to book a seat in the black box – only to be told it would cost a bomb.

However, this week I’d happily have travelled naked on the wing of a stuffed parrot to be with my best Buddy.

And by the time you read this, I’ll hopefully be back on Tellytubby duty at my daughter’s home in Cheshire.

Buddy is, of course, my two­ year­old grandson – the main man in the personal tug­o’­war which has been dragging me back towards England.

When I wrote my ‘No More Tears’ piece three weeks ago, I was emotional, frightened and lonely. I was missing Buddy and my other five grandkids more than I could have imagined.

That homesickness has now

eased enough for me to make a decision based on logic rather than emotion.

I never did want to leave… because I love life in Spain so much.

I just needed to see more of my kids and grandkids and to feel less vulnerable amidst deterio­ rating health problems.

I now think I have reached a viable compromise. So, with

apologies to everyone who has sympathised with me over my ‘I’m Going Home’ decision, I’m not going home. At least, not per­ manently.

I’ll be splitting my time between England and Spain from now on.

In other words, you just won’t be seeing quite as much of old Grumps. Which means you’ll be happy, too.

models. I mean, who can for­ get the likes of Moggy Thatcher and Geoffrey Boycat?’’

These days the only ‘greeting’ the Kitty Gang give to strangers consists of a two­word description of a hair ball.

All I can say is that it sounds very much like 'Fur cough'.

The real nightmare begins if that smattering of local lingo does not have the desired effect. The smatter­ ing becomes a battering and the ears and legs start to come off.

That clinches it. The boys are staying in Spain.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

Friday, May 16, 2014

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Friday, May 16, 2014

CHAPTER AND WORSE I was tremendously excited when the public­address system at my local super­ market announced the presence in the store of Ira Levin, one of my favourite authors.

Then Mrs S pointed out that I had misheard the PA announcement. No mention had been made of Ira Levin.

The disembodied voice had merely requested a cleaner for aisle 11.

Of course, I should have realised. Why would the famous American author even be visiting Tesco? And perhaps more to the point, why would Mr Levin be visit­ ing anywhere as he had died in 2007? Anyway, after taking my medication I felt a bit bet­ ter.

'Although your story is almost interesting, I am just wondering if there is any point to it?' wondered Dave the barman who was anxious to close up the pub so he could get on with counting the night's miserable takings.

'No, there is no point to the

story at all,' I shrugged. 'But then again, there is a point.

Mentioning that author's name just now has triggered an idea. Why don't we form a book club? Each week we can read the same novel and then discuss it.'

'But how would that work?' asked Fearful Phil. 'How could we all read the same book? Who would hold it?

Would somebody else have to turn the pages? Indeed, how could we all crane our necks to focus on the print ­­ there'd be too much pushing and shoving and we wouldn't be able to concentrate.'

Daft Barry tutted at Fearful Phil. 'Even I'm not stupid enough not to realise that we'd have to have lots of copies of the same book.' I clapped Daft Barry on the back. 'Well said, lad,' I said.

'You're on your way to becoming a sage who knows his onions.'

Daft Barry looked pleased with himself. 'In that case,' he said, 'Let our first book club novel be one written by that

famous author mentioned by Dave Silver. What was his name again, oh yes, Aisle Eleven.'

'Don't get too carried away, lad,' I advised. 'Nevertheless, Ira Levin is a splendid sug­ gestion.' There was a brief halt in the proceedings as my fellow members of the pub discussion group held their own muttered con­ versation. 'We've never heard of this Ira Eleven or whatever his name is,' they chorused. 'What has he written, then?'

'Have any of you heard of a book called The Stepford Wives?'

I asked. 'It's about the married men of a town who turn their wives into fawning, submissive robots.'

'That would be a fair description of you lot,' contributed Ol' Red Eyes, the acknowl­ edged leader of our company, when he wasn't semi­comatose on the floor. 'All you do

is follow each other around like a flock of docile sheep.

None of you shows any spark of imagination or drive.

And I should know because I used to be a teacher, and a

damned diligent one at that.'

'Then tell us what we have to do to reverse that situa­ tion?' asked Dave the bar­ man. 'Something to create passion, excitement and vitality. Because that would lead to more dynamic discus­ sion and, in turn, dry mouths ­­ which is where I would enter the picture with my varied selection of liquid refresh­ ment.'

All eyes turned to Ol' Red Eyes for more wise words but he had dropped back to sleep for the umpteenth time that evening.

'So what do we do now?' asked Fag Ash Bill who had abandoned his usual smoking spot on the pavement outside to make one of his rare forays into

the pub.

'What we do now,' announced Dave the bar­ man, 'is shut the pub.'

The ensuing shocked silence and heartbroken faces moved Dave the bar­ man to add: 'I'm not shutting the pub permanently. I meant I'm calling time just for tonight. I'll be open again tomorrow.'

But among the now­ relieved visages there was one rebellious look of deter­ mination.

Indoor Lou declared: 'I shall not be returning to the hostelry tomorrow. I am quitting this den of neurosis ­­ and in cer­ tain cases, psychosis ­­ to embark on a personal jour­ ney to find paradise, call it my own Shangri­La if you like, a mystical, harmonious valley in which time stands still and which lies far, far away across many lands and oceans. Who shall come with me?'

Ol' Red Eyes opened one rheumy peeper and mum­ bled: 'Are we there yet?'

Friday, May 16, 2014

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HIGH VELOCITY FUN

There are more thrills and spills heading to the Velocity Racing Spain Cartagena Oval this Saturday evening (May 17th), with the doors opening at 6pm, with 2 hours of crack­ ing racing set to start at 7pm.

Entry is only 2 Euros, with kids able to get in for free!

The last event at the start of the month saw a spectacular display of racing from all at Velocity Racing Spain Cartagena Oval!

Lightening Rod Ryan Smith took 3 wins and nearly had a 4th if he wasn't black flagged for trying to continue out of a mad spin nearly causing a 3 car smash up. Thanks to his sharp thinking, a delighted Graeme Stannard took the win with precision. Last year’s champion Nick Kelly had to give in to a head gasket blow out!

Paul Drewett (Fat Boy) dramatically leapt over the finishing line to take the first Rookie race win after hitting a tyre. No surprise that

young Rookie Rod, Jaz Lawrence took 3 more wins and is still improving her game! A sensational drive by Champion Rookie Rod. Caroline Capel taking on 3 cars on the outside to secure her win of the night. Young Rookie Rod, 16 year old Alex Knight from the La Marina team deserves a mention as he worked so hard holding off Jaz, he caused a gasping moment as he cut across her path but that will come with experience! Carl Knight’s 1st race meeting alongside his son Alex and La Marina team mate Chris Layrock saw some highly competitive driving skills. www.velocityracing.eu has all the details of future as well as past events, as well directions to the venue, and look out for Facebook Velocity Racing Cartagena Oval on Facebook. New drivers welcome and cars are available for hire. Phone 674 256 146/7

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Friday, May 16, 2014

HELPING DOGS LIKE RONI

We have been running our charity in Spain for some time now and we have managed to rescue some severely abused cats and dogs, rehabilitate them and find them loving forever homes. Thank you to those of you who have supported our work and a special thank you to Else Tue Andersen for all of your help.

We have to look at ways of getting a consistent run of donations, as rescue and rehabilitation can be very expen­ sive. I think I have given more money to our vet this month, than I used to pay on a mortgage in London!

I am looking to arrange having money tins put in bars, shops and restaurants etc….. and wondered if anyone who

reads this would allow one of our tins in your establishment.

If so, could you please contact me at peter@thedogy­ ouneed.com and I will arrange one to be sent to you.

If any of you would be kind enough to send a donation, you can do by either Paypal or sending the money direct to our UK charity bank account. The details are: Paypal, where the account details are peter@thedogyouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60­16­03 and the account number is 73754900. The iban and bic numbers if needed are: IBAN: GB83 NWBK 6016 0373 7549 00. BIC: NWBK GB 2L. Amongst the animals we are currently rehabilitating are Roni, an Airedale Terrier mixed dog, who came to us with the most severe face injuries I have ever seen. He is pictured here before and after lots of medical attention and loving.

We also have two 7 month old brothers who were just about to be put to sleep in the Valencia perrera, because they were terrified of everything and the staff thought that no one would adopt them. They are now enjoying life and have a sparkle in their eye that is emotional to see.

Pebbles, is a cat who we found when she was seven weeks old, dragging herself along a street with a broken hip.

We had her operated on straight away and she is now living a very happy life.

Sonny, is a young Podenco mixed dog who was 18 hours away from being put to sleep in the Almeria perrera. He is now outside playing with Roni, his best friend!

Patch, is an eight week old puppy who was covered in ticks and fleas when he was found. Right now all he is covered in is dog biscuit crumbs, as he has just raided the food depart­ ment ­ again!

All of this would not have been possible without donations from the public and right now we are in desperate need of donations to help us carry on the work we do. I really hope it

will be possible to get some of our collection tins out there and I keep my fingers crossed that I hear from some of you.

Along with me, there are many dogs who need our help, who have their little paws crossed too! Many thanks.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? Mamma is about 2 years old she is a small to medium size Podenco cross, she is such an amazing girl with the most beautiful brown eyes.

She is very easy going and is great with people and other dogs. She is house trained and very well beha­ ved and currently living in a foster home.To find out more about Mamma, please ring the PEPA helpline on 650 304 746 or Email: p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail .com

Mamma

Poor JAMES was left outsi­ de the kennels in a zipped up cool bag. Obviously the person that put him there didn´t realize that he could have suffocated and this pup was lucky to be found; he was a little dehydrated and a very scared 6 week old puppy. He has now been with us a few weeks and is a confident, playful boy who we think will be medium sized when he is older.

James is now fully vaccina­ ted and micro chipped; if you would like to give James a home then please contact the kennels directly on 966710047 or email info@satanimalrescue.com

James

This is our puppy of the week, she is called Jelly and she is a small female 14 weeks old. We still have lots of lovely puppies and dogs wanting homes. You can see our dogs by finding us on facebook “Paradise Kennels” or call 619 938 955

Jelly

Rescued after being left to die, these little guys are being looked after by Sapphire, one of APAH's cats as a foster mum. They can be reserved for when they are old enough to leave. To arrange to meet them and their foster mum, please con­ tact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Lily is a German Shepherd Cross, Shar Pei. She is two years old and has a really soft nature. Lily is looking for a forever home where she can be part of a family. Loves cuddles. Contact 616655789 for more details Cats N Dogs Aid Association.

Reg. No G54658810 www.catsndogsaid.com

Lily

Sienna is a 3 year old Galgo who came to us in a very bad state. Sienna is a very spe­ cial girl even though she has suffered so much she is very loving and friendly. She gets on very well with other dogs.

She has lots of energy and is very happy and loves to play.

For more info about Sienna please call 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animalcha­ rity@gmail.com

Sienna Harry and Becks were born around the 18th March and have been bottle fed from tiny babies. They will be small when fully grown, are paper trained already and are used to other dogs and cats. Call: 645 469 253 www.petsinspain.com

Harry and Becks

Elsie is a 10 week old Papillon / King Charles cross so will be a small dog. She really is a lovely little girl very friendly and will follow her owners to the end of the earth.

She has b e a u t i f u l Elsie black and tan markings resul­ ting in tan stripes down her front legs. Please contact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

APAH is looking for a long­ term foster home for Leo. He is a lovely, friendly dog, but he has a long­term medical problem, which is controlled by medication, but it is put­ ting people off adopting him.

To get him into a home envi­ ronment, APAH is appealing for a foster home for him, and will cover his m e d i c a l costs.

For more info on Leo, please call Yvonne on 630 422 Leo 563.

Friday, May 16, 2014

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Friday, May 16, 2014

EXERCISE CAN BE FUN

As the weeks are going on, I am getting busier and busier with work, housework and looking after my son. That means that the majority of my time is spent sat down, either while I am teaching, as the majority of my students are adults I tend to sit with them, or on the com­ puter writing or planning lessons.

Over the winter months I’ll admit that I wasn´t particularly careful about what I ate and regular snacking on cakes and crisps became too much of a habit. I soon noticed some weight creeping on and decided to do something about it. I started running and doing some pilates and other exercis­ es in the hope that when summer comes I am not scaring children whilst wearing my bikini! Then came the Easter holidays and of course that meant my son being home all day. So when I com­ bined that along with the fact that I was still work­ ing as I had decided not to take a break, it became impossible to do any type of exercise apart from the odd game of football or bat and ball in the gar­ den. My son is a bit nervous on his bicycle even with stabilisers so we didn´t go out very far on our bikes and I ended up sitting most the time in the classroom or in my comfy armchair and not doing anything. People have said to me, “you´re lucky that you don´t need to watch your weight” and I always give them the same look as I throw towards those who tell me it was easy for me to learn Spanish!

I have to explain that it´s not easy for me to remain the size that I am, and that I have to watch what I eat and I need to take regular exercise. My weight does fluctuate and I know that if I was to continue doing things the way I had been doing, the kilos would have continued to creep on and

my clothes would have had to get bigger and bigger, and that is something that I do not want to happen. I feel self­ conscious enough now without having extra weight, and rather than just accept weight gain as a side effect to pass­ ing the big 40, I will fight and fight to remain healthy and fit.

So as I was starting to get itchy feet and felt that I was let­ ting myself down by not doing any exercise, I decided to do some gardening. I have stairs that lead up to the front door of my house and on those stairs are several creeping plants that had started taking over them and needed to be cut back.

So after my Saturday afternoon lesson I decided to tackle it, and I began chopping and snipping, pulling and tying, to

make it look neat and tidy. My son even dragged himself off the laptop for ten minutes or so to come and help me. It took over an hour to get the railing free of vines and leaves and all the excess thrown away. As I was doing it, I felt better than I had in a while. I felt the endorphins coursing through my body as it was getting a fun workout, and after I finished I saw the result and knew that I had achieved not only a tidy front porch area but also I had worked my entire body, although not out of breath I knew that my body had been work­ ing and it was a great feeling.

Now the children have been back for a while after the seemingly never­ending break, I am back to the exercise that I am used to, although I am aware that of course it won´t be long before they start half days and then I am back to having my boy here when I have free time. That means having to find something we can do together or something I can do in the house, but I am deter­ mined not to waste what I´ve done:­ i.e. to lose the weight I put on and hopefully a bit more and to tone up my chubby areas for when my girls come back in the summer. I won´t feel embarrassed to put my costume on and have fun with them in the pool or at the beach and I will also feel confident in my body and know that I am living healthily and doing the best I can to stay around for as long as possible.

Exercise can be hard work, but I found with doing some­ thing that was interesting and different the enjoyment was still there. As with everything in life, it´s never too late to start something new, whether it´s a new exercise type or learning a new language, you can do it.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

OLD KNIVES SHARPENED

It does rarely happen but we had the odd sight the other day of Ed Miliband actually agreeing with something that David Cameron suggested.

The Prime Minister made the populist statement that knife crime should be more severely punished and that a second offence ought to bring an automatic custodial sentence. Cameron’s words brought a ringing endorse­

ment from the head of the Met Police, but Lib Dem leader, Nick Clegg rubbished the idea for frankly no good reason at all. It’s a good move from Cameron, but it’s a blatant election gimmick as well. Why? Back before the 2010 vote, Cameron sug­ gested exactly the same thing, but when he got into power, he did nothing at all about it! The old maxim of actions speak louder than

words comes into play here.

I wonder if Vladimir Putin was spitting into his vodka watching the Eurovision Song Contest in his Kremlin apartment last Saturday? Something hap­ pened at a major event that I’ve not witnessed from the old Cold War days, and that’s an audience letting rip with a cascade of boos and cat­calls every time the name Russia was men­

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tioned. Unfair of course on the teenage twins represent­ ing the mother­land, but a fascinating insight into how Putin’s Russia is being viewed by many people around the world over their illegal acts in the Ukraine.

And the bonus would have been that Putin’s state­con­ trolled TV would have relayed it all in it’s wonderful glory!

Murcia’s new President, Alberto Garre, appears to have caught the very nasty strain of Corvera disease that blighted the last few years of his predecessor, Valcarcel.

As catalogued in The Courier, Valcarcel kept promising us the impending opening of San Javier air­ port’s replacement. Now Garre has seemed to have caught an especially virulent version of the Corvera pox which has caused a severe malfunction of his brain. The new boss said that for the new facility to be “viable”, it needs to take around 40% of the traffic that currently uses

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Alicante­Elche airport! On what planet is he on? It’s a fair comment to say that many Murcia region resi­ dents have to use El Altet because of the far wider range of services that are offered, but what indication is there that carriers will offer flights that match those with

El Altet at Corvera? There simply isn’t any evidence of anything like that happening, and despite the President saying that Corvera is ready to “open tomorrow”, the days are quickly slipping by for anything to take off from there this year. So what’s new?

SEPA. MEANS SAFE AND EFFICIENT PAYMENTS IN SPAIN. What is SEPA? The Single Euro Payments Area (SEPA) is making euro payments faster, safer and more efficient within the 34 EU countries. It enables customers to make cashless euro payments to anyone within the EU. What are the ways to pay using SEPA? 1. SEPA credit transfer A single way to transfer funds nationally or anywhere within the EU. 2. SEPA direct debit Now charges can be made directly to an account in one EU country for services provid­ ed by a company based in another country.

3. SEPA for cards Customers can conveniently use the same cards they use for national purchases, any­ where in Europe. Merchants will accept all cards, making payment processes easier and more attractive.

SEPA standards required for full introduction 1. IBAN IBAN is the International Bank Account Number that identifies your account anywhere in the world. With a maximum of 34 digits it includes the following in order: 2 digits country code 2 digits check digit 30 digits (max) account identification specific to each country UK IBAN example: GB19 LOYD 3096 1700 7099 43 2. BIC BIC (Bank Identifier Code) numbers will be phased out for cross­border payments by February 2016.

3. PAYMENT CARDS All payment cards will be migrated from magnetic strip to EMV chip. There is currently no date for completion.

Timeline for the SEPA process The process began in 1999 and is now in the final migration phase.

February 2014: Credit transfers and direct debits in the EU should be carried out in accordance with the standards mentioned above. A six month transition period is being introduced.

February 2016: For niche products with specific characteristics a longer transition phase is made for in some countries.

31 October 2016: EU member states with non­euro currencies must adhere to stan­ dards set for credit transfers and direct debits in euros, by this end date.

SEPA indicators. Key facts at a glance.

SEPA credit transfers as a % of total EU transactions is 93.9%* SEPA direct debit as a % of total transactions is 80.3%* EMV transactions as a % of total transactions is 79.6%** *February 2014­03­21 **June 2013 We hope this information provided in this article is of interest.

If you would like to contact Linea Directa please call 902 123 104 More information on Linea Directa online at www.lineadirecta.com

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Friday, May 16, 2014

BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME

The unforgettable words in my headline are taken from the Kevin Costner movie Field of Dreams and it’s a true description of what´s happening right now in Britain.

The faster UK builders construct new estates and high rise apartments, there will be people queuing up to fill them.

I was back home for my younger daughter´s wedding and was amazed at the amount of land now earmarked for devel­ opment. Access roads being built to lead to green fields, soon to have new homes built on them; and popular nurs­ eries closing to provide more room for homes. I was also watching BBC 1’s Question Time, with all four major political parties represented on the panel, including UKIP´s Nigel Farage. His argument is that the main plank of EU policy is free movement of people across Europe ­ it´s that ability which is fuelling investment on the Costas. But continued membership of the EU with its unrestricted access into Britain will do nothing to dampen immigration ­ in fact, the longer it continues, the faster it will happen. Why? Right across Europe the second language is not French, German, or any of the Eastern European languages, it is English. In Britain now there are groups of people from every part of the world. That means that folk from Poland, Latvia, Romania or Estonia, or anywhere else, will know for certain that there will be a support group in Britain if they choose to emigrate.

Not only that, but there will be far more chance of finding a job in Britain than almost any other part of Europe ­ because we are the first country in Europe to see real growth coming out of recession. The UK unemployment rate is around 7% compared with 25% or more in other European countries.

And all that spells a perfect storm ­ the more homes we build in the UK the more people will come. It´s self­perpetuating and because of our EU membership we can´t do a blind thing about it. I was far from satisfied with an answer from David Cameron when he was asked how many Europeans had been thrown out of Britain if they were found living rough and didn´t have a job. He hadn´t a clue and I could guess the answer is a big fat zero. It´s a hard call to decide whether there is any real chance that Cameron will be able to suc­ cessfully re­negotiate Britain´s membership, or make any worthwhile changes to EU policies which will drastically water down the right of any European to move and settle in Britain. And that´s why so many people think the only answer is to quit the EU and perhaps become a trading associate so we have the benefits of trading with the EU without all the social problems that goes with it. I´m also far from happy about some of the candidates who have put themselves forward to fight under the UKIP flag who, judging from their tweets and Facebook comments at worst are crackpots or racists, or, at best, lacking any political judg­ ment. The Labour and Lib Dem attitude is to remain in the EU regardless ­ and heaven help us with that. I can see the south east of England quickly becoming a concrete jungle, with roads clogged with cars, towns clogged with hordes of people and hospitals, schools and social services trying to play catch up and failing. In some ways the Torrevieja/Orihuela Costa areas are facing the same popu­ lation explosion as the south east of England. Just look at the huge home building projects on the coast in Punta Prima

and within a mile of The Boulevard shopping complex, all selling readily. They´re driven by the same EU free move­ ment policy. Good in the short term perhaps ­ until there´s a concrete jungle all along the coast from Denia to Cartagena ­ and who wants to see that, any more than the whole of the south east of England turned into a building site?

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A UK court has heard the horrendous story of an out of control dog which escaped from a garden, went next door and savaged an 79­year­old man to death. It’s one of the latest cases in the UK of dogs causing appalling injuries and death. Two women owners, aged 29 and 30, admitted allowing the attack to happen, and also counts of causing unnecessary suffering to the animal. The man was attacked by a bull mastiff crossed with "either a Presa Canario or a Bandog", a breed not on the banned list covered by the leg­ islation. Tests showed the dog had not been fed or watered adequately for several hours before the attack. It was destroyed afterwards. I shall be watching for the sentence with considerable interest. I hope these two women spend a good few months in jail as a warning to the many, many peo­ ple, who have dangerous pets and don´t look after them properly and allow them to be a danger or a nuisance to oth­ ers.

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I wrote last week about some UK branches of Subway choosing to ban bacon and pork from their fast food and opt for halal meats to please the Muslims. Now, it seems there´s another twist to this sorry tale with the news that some UK supermarkets are quietly choosing to buy in halal meat and not labelling it. Non­Muslims have a right to know what they are eating, just as much as Muslims, especially so if the meat has been produced with the animal not being pre­ stunned prior to its throat being cut. I don´t care whether someone wants to pray over an animal before killing it as is normal Muslim practise, but the devout insist that animals are not stunned before having the throat cut and this in my book is animal cruelty. And when I visit a supermarket, I want to know the animal whose meat I am buying has been pre­ stunned. I am sure the vast majority of people, and, hopeful­ ly, an increasing number of Muslims, also want to know. I´ve touched on Muslim extremism, and now I move on to Muslim extremism at its very worst. I refer to the appalling atrocity of the 200 Nigerian schoolgirls abducted by extremists who want their own appalling version of Sharia law, which keeps women as virtual slaves and inflicts appalling punishments for anyone opposing their barbaric rules. The Muslim world should hang its head in shame for not cracking down every­ where this extremism takes place. I´ve said before that this will not stop until the Muslim world accepts its responsibility and puts the extremists to shame. Until that happens I applaud all countries (led by America) going into Nigeria to try to find these poor, defenceless schoolgirls. Sadly the world reacted far too late. Can you imagine if it had hap­ pened in the UK ­ a group of Muslims entering a school and abducting a group of schoolgirls? It would not have taken weeks before the government decided to act. Are we living in a civilised world? Pitifully, we´re a long way from it.

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Sadly, whenever someone comes up with a new, useful service for the public, there is someone else coming up with ways to exploit it for their own ends. Computer hacking, identity theft and cash point raids have been going on for years, but there have been two more examples highlighted in the past week. The first is the growing number of people prepared to go to restaurants and hotels and seek free or cut price meals, free wine, and free room upgrades or other benefits with the threat that if they don´t get them they will post adverse criticisms on the TripAdvisor website.

Increasingly, establishment owners have found people have put unjustified comments on their sites, damaging their business, with little or no comeback. People threatening restaurants and hotels with bad TripAdvisor reviews to extort free things is a problem which has been growing.

People will either attempt to blackmail during the meal, or sometimes, more worryingly, people who have not even been to the restaurant will post a bad review to try and get a free meal, or a free stay in a hotel's case.

It´s sickening that lowlife is prepared to ruin someone´s business to get a freebee. It also calls into question all the reviews on such internet sites. The other side of the coin was a person I had dinner with who was so impressed with a meal that he told the owner he would write a glowing review. He got 10% off the bill! I suppose that´s doing things a better way. The other growing new technology problem is one being faced by motorists. Cars are now far more difficult to break into because of electronic keys. But garages have gadgets to use to open vehicles. Sadly these are being stolen or duplicated, falling into the hands of car thieves.

Heaven help us!

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At last ­ we will soon be able to buy a product which will detect any signs of human waste in swimming pools.

Brilliant, the one thing that puts me off using community pools is the thought I could be swimming in diluted pee. A firm in Texas has created a container of zinc ions which can detect urine or faeces by glowing if it comes into contact.

Hopefully the product will be on the market soon. Not quite what I would really want ­ which is something which pin­ points a culprit peeing by perhaps turning purple or red and might dissuade any one from doing it!

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So, Britain failed miserably, yet again, to get that hoped­for breakthrough in the Eurovision Song Contest.

Personally I didn´t think Britain´s entry was that good, and I preferred that of Sweden and Russia because I enjoy lis­ tening to ballads rather than more in­your­face music. I do believe the criticisms of many Brits that when it comes to this contest, European countries have a down on us. With that thought in mind, how much chance has Cameron got to make any meaningful changes in Europe to benefit Britain?

Precious little I should think, but some crumbs will the thrown which Cameron will dress up into being a big victory worthy of our staying in the EU. I can hear all the political crap coming even before it´s started.

Friday, May 16, 2014

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Friday, May 16, 2014

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 122 Hi and welcome back to Say it in Spanish.

Every week I see the improvement in all my stu­ dents and how happy and proud they are when they are speaking and understanding more and more, and I always say they have every right to feel a sense of achievement, learning Spanish is difficult and takes a long time to get just the basics, but as we learn more it does begin to get a little bit easier.

I also can´t stress enough how important it is to do it properly. Once you pick up a bad habit it´s a little bit more difficult to get rid of it and speak cor­ rectly, it´s much better to get it right first time and keep learning, therefore if you can, take lessons, even one class a week will help, or speak to Spanish people and practise with them as much as possible. I like to speak in Spanish every day, even if it´s just a conversation with my son (who incidently always answers in English!) but at least I´m practising and keeping my level up. Above all, enjoy Spanish, I promise all the hard work will pay off when you´re talking confidently and for those of us who have to work that little bit harder I think that we feel even more a sense of achievement than those for whom learning a language is more natural.

If you´re worried about lessons don´t be, find a good teacher and it will become fun. One of my English students said to me one day after a particularly funny comment “I bet you just laugh throughout all your lessons” and I do like to keep them interesting but overall we enjoy it, I always laugh with my students as much as they laugh with me, and I also like to remind them that we all make mistakes or don´t understand everything and it´s OK if we make a mistake or don´t understand something that was said, the most impor­ tant thing is that we accept it and admit it. No one is perfect and it´s much better to say we don´t understand than to try

The children always ask for presents. and just get by, we´re much more likely to feel awkward by pretending we know what´s been said than just asking the other person for a repetition or clarification.

Here are the answers to last week’s homework: 1. Vamos a _pedir_ el dinero. We are going to ask for the money. 2. Juan _pide___más comida. Juan asks for more food, 3. Voy a __preguntar__a qué hora cierran las puer­ tas. I'm going to ask what time they close the doors. 4. Los niños siempre __piden_ regalos.The children always ask for presents. 5. María ___pregunta__cuándo empieza la fiesta. Maria asks when the party begins. 6. El chico le __pregunta__ a la chica ¿cuál es tu número de telé­ fono? The boy asks the girl “What is your telephone num­ ber?”

1. pedir,2. Pide,3. preguntar,4 piden,5 pre­ gunta,6 pregunta This week we are going to talk about some common errors made by non native Spanish speakers. Spanish can be a tricky language to master at the best of times and more so when there are words that sound like an English word but mean something else or there are two or more words in Spanish when in English we use one. Here are some examples: Entradas: to say “did you buy the tickets for the cinema?” we might say “¿compraste los billetes para el cine?” However the word ´bil­ lete´ is used for travel tickets. For cinema or theatre tickets we use ´entradas´ so, to say “there aren´t any tickets left for the film at 8 o´clock” we have to say “no quedan entradas para la película a las 8” My oldest/youngest brother: we learnt with superlatives that we add más or menos to the noun, however my oldest/youngest brother is not ´mi hermano más viejo/joven´ as old and young are not regular in superlatives we have to say ´mayor´ or ´menor´: my oldest brother lives in London – mi hermano mayor vive en londres, she is my youngest daughter – ella es mi hija menor.

Next or following: we know to say próxima when we are talking about something that is happening in the present or future, however when we are talking about something that happened in the past we have to use ´siguiente´(following), for example: I am going to london next week – voy a lon­ dres la próxima semana. I went to London last Sunday and the next day I went to Paris . Fui a londres el domingo pasado y el día siguiente fui a París.

Next week we will cover more times when the words we use can seem a bit strange or different to English. Have a great week and enjoy the sun.

Friday, May 16, 2014

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Friday, May 16, 2014

The Health Benefits of Nuts Nothing nutty about it — these notoriously high fat snacks have the potential to pro­ mote heart health. A past Harvard study, reported in the September 2006 issue of Longevity, found that women, who ate at least 142g of nuts a week, were 35% less likely to have a heart attack than those who ate less than 28g a month.

In addition, nuts have lots of protein, fib­ ber, healthy monounsaturated fats, vitamins, nutrients, and antioxidants. Therefore, nuts deserve an honoured spot in the kitchen of every healthy eater (as long as you're not allergic, of course). Stick to the raw, unsalt­ ed variety.

Walnuts

Walnuts are especially great because they have high levels of omega­3 fatty acids.

Other nuts don't.

Omega­3 fatty acids are also found in fatty fish like tuna and salmon. We know that omega­3 fatty acids lower levels of triglyc­ erides, a type of fat in the bloodstream.

Experts are not exactly sure how. Omega­3 fatty acids may also slow down the growth of plaques in the arteries and reduce swelling throughout the body.

study conducted at the University of Illinois in the US suggests that Brazil nuts may play a vital role in preventing breast cancer.

According to the scientists who carried out the study, this benefit is probably a result of the high amounts of selenium they contain.

Selenium is a powerful antioxidant that helps neutralise harmful free radicals that can attack healthy cells and increase the risk of serious conditions like heart disease and cancer — including breast cancer as already mentioned, and lung, bowel and prostate cancer.

Cashew Nuts

Almonds Many studies show that almonds have real health benefits too. Almonds are a good source of protein and are high in antioxi­ dants, magnesium, potassium, calcium, iron as well as vitamin E. Like other nuts, they also provide a good source of monounsatu­ rated fat — the good fat that is needed for heart health.

One researcher, David Jenkins MD, has done many studies of the effects of

almonds. In a 2002 study, he tested 27 men and women with high cholesterol over three months. People who ate about a handful of almonds a day lowered their bad LDL cho­ lesterol by 4.4%. Those who ate two hand­ fuls lowered it by 9.4%. The results were published in the journal Circulation.

Studies presented at the 2006 Obesity Societies Annual Scientific Meeting (NAASO) showed evidence that almonds help to satisfy hunger. In fact, eating a hand­ ful of almonds a day could play a valuable role in weight management.

Cashew nuts are significant sources of (1.) iron, essential for red blood cell function and enzyme activity, (2.) magnesium, which promotes energy release and bone growth, (3.) phosphorus, which builds bones and teeth, (4.) zinc, essential to digestion and metabolism and (5.) selenium.

The list of health benefits attached to each individual nut is endless. Obviously it goes without saying that nuts should not be eaten by anyone with an allergy to them. The British Nutrition Foundation recommends that if you have a family history of nut aller­ gies you should avoid nuts when pregnant and should not give them to your children to eat in their early years.

Erectile Dysfunction Why You Need Iron Part 2 Brazil Nuts

Another must are Brazil nuts. A recent

Iron is a mineral found in every cell in the body. It’s essential for the production of hemoglobin, which transports oxygen from your lungs around the body. An iron deficien­ cy can make you feel lethargic and suscepti­ ble to infections.

Where you get it: Lamb’s liver, bran cere­ als, beef, pork, chicken, broccoli, sardines and baked beans. To increase the amount of

iron absorbed from plant foods it is essential to eat them with foods high in vitamin C.

WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT GOUT I hope that you responded to my article last week and that some on you with this problem that have had it for over 2 weeks have sought help from your doctor.

This week I am going to mention some of the treatments available for the problem without using Viagra and other drugs.

Shockwaves, similar to those used to break up kidney stones is a new non drug and painless treatment. Known as extracor­ poreal shockwave therapy the treatment releases thousands of energy waves which help erectile dysfunction by increasing blood flow. The blood vessels in the penis are very small and can easily become furred up with fatty deposits. The treatment lasts about 20 minutes and is well documented scientifically it will not help those who have nerve damage or have the problem as a result of prostate cancer.

One drug that is found to be safe and use­ ful is Alpoprostadil which can be given by injection or suppository. The suppository form is sold under the brand name MUSE. A vacuum device is another alternative and involves the use of an external vacuum, operated manually and can help maintain the erection for 30 minutes but should not be used by men who have bleeding disorders.

Vascular surgery can be used for men

who have injury to the penis or pelvic areas but it is major surgery and so not very popu­ lar. But used often if all else fails.

Penile Prosthetic Implants are available and these devices are either malleable (bendable or inflatable) most men choose a hydraulic inflatable prosthesis, which allows for erection when chosen and is much easier to conceal.

Natural solutions are always good choices and simple lifestyle and diet changes can make a huge difference. Eliminating alcohol, caffeine and sugar can help to restore nor­ mal function and diet can have a huge impact on impotence. A poor diet can affect the blood flow to all parts of the body but it seems the penis is often affected first.

Being overweight can have a negative effect on penile tissue. Losing weight and lowering cholesterol can make have a dra­ matic effect as does stopping smoking.

Smoking is also linked to a decreased blood flow to the penis and long term smokers can experience a physical shrinkage of the organ.

Next week we will look more at Natural remedies to help reverse erectile dysfunction and boost libido Contact us today: on 966 191 514 / 722 219 450 or email info@slimfit­europe.com

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

Gout is a disease in which there is an abnormal metabolism of uric acid, causing an excess of uric acid in the tissues and blood. People with gout either produce too much uric acid, or more common­ ly, their bodies have a prob­ lem removing it. Gout typi­ cally attacks only one joint at a time, and most often strikes the joint of the big know, nevertheless other toes and joints can be affected. Gout typically occurs in middle age, and is rarely seen in people under the age of 30.

The pain and swelling of a gout attack are caused by uric acid crystals building up in the joint and leading to inflammation. The body normally forms uric acid when breaking down cells and proteins, but it dis­

solves in blood, and is flushed out by the kidneys.

If there's too much uric acid in the blood, or if the kid­ neys are unable to remove enough, it may form crys­ tals that collect in the joints, kidneys, skin, and other soft tissues.

However, high uric acid (hyperuricemia) by itself doesn't mean that a person will develop gout ­ less than 1 in 5 people with high uric acid end up with gout.

Although uric acid exists naturally in the body, the amount present can be increased by foods rich in purines. The kidneys nor­ mally break down purines into uric acid before it is removed from the body.

People who have gout or who are at risk of contract­ ing gout are encouraged to avoid foods rich in purines.

These include: Alcoholic drinks especially beer, anchovies, sardines, yeast, and organ meat such as liver, and kidneys. For suf­ ferers of gout, the rule should be to live moderate­ ly and to restrict the diet as far as red meat and alcohol are concerned. Drinking a lot of water encourages the excretion of uric acid from the body and reduces the risk of developing kidney stones. Eating fresh cher­ ries (up to 250 grams daily) is a well­known remedy for lowering uric acid and pre­ venting gout. With care acute attacks of gout will be avoided.

FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965071745

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STATIN THE OBVIOUS!

Q

My doctor informed me last week that I had high cholesterol, and he pre­ scribed statins. But I am aware of the dan­ gers of statins, my neighbour takes them and he is nearly crippled. I would like to know what to take in place of statins to control my cholesterol.

You are certainly right about the adverse effects of statins which includes muscle pain and weakness, among many others. It is important to realise that the cholesterol check carried out in hospitals is composed of several different components. The total cholesterol reading, which is what is read as low or high, is more or less meaningless without the other readings. These other components are: Triglycerides, LDL (Low density lipoprotein) and HDL (High density lipoprotein). The reality is that these other components are really not cholesterol but proteins that carry cholesterol.

HDL is the so called ‘good cholesterol’, and carries cholesterol away from the arteries into the liver. LDL or ‘bad cholesterol’ carries cho­ lesterol from the liver to the arteries.

Triglycerides are fatty acids used by the body to generate energy. The desirable cholesterol level, which is calculated as an average of the other components varies from place to place.

Here in Spain and indeed much of Europe, it is considered normal when below 200 mg/dl (5.2mmol/L), but in Russia, normal values are much higher at 250 mg/dl. Indeed many clini­ cal studies have shown that people with higher cholesterol levels enjoy a healthier and longer life. Contrary to what the media and the phar­ maceutical cartel would have you believe, cho­

A

lesterol is one of the most important nutrients produced in the body. The human brain is composed of 70% fat and 7% pure choles­ terol. Without cholesterol, the body will be unable to produce hormones and many other vital chemicals. For this reason the body pro­ duces more cholesterol than we consume through our diet. Cholesterol is absolutely essential for the activities of the nerves and brain, and low levels of cholesterol are associ­ ated with neurological problems such as depression, memory loss, nervous disorders, irritability, insomnia, ADHD and many others.

The aim in cholesterol management should be to regulate the production of cholesterol, and not to cut off its production with drugs like statins. Luckily there are 4 natural very effec­ tive agents backed by several clinical studies that can be used to regulate cholesterol in a way that benefits the body without side effects.

These agents are Niacin (Vitamin B3, prefer­ ably in the form of Inositol), Pantethine (Vitamin B5), Policosanol (from the wax of sugar cane) and Garlic. These agents are cer­ tainly preferable to statins because statins completely block the body’s capacity to pro­ duce cholesterol. Bear in mind that without cholesterol, your body will be unable to per­ form many vital functions. One of the major problems of statin drugs is that in the process of blocking the production of cholesterol, they also block the synthesis of Co­enzyme Q10 – a nutrient required by every single cell in your body for generating energy. Without energy, our muscles become weak, and this is why those on statins commonly experience muscle

weakness and pain. However natural agents are very subtle in the way they function. Niacin lowers LDL and Triglycerides significantly (up to 25%) and more importantly increases HDL –good cholesterol by 33% However niacin is known to cause skin flushing, and so the pre­ ferred form is Inositol, which does not cause skin flushing, and also has other benefits such as improving blood flow in intermittent claudi­ cation. Pantethine also has significant choles­ terol and lipid lowering activity, and is useful for diabetics, unlike niacin which should be used cautiously in diabetics because it can impair sugar levels. Policosanol is my favourite, and I have observed a patients cholesterol drop from 320 to 260mg/dl in 5 weeks while on poli­ cosanol. Policosanol has also been shown to improve sugar levels in diabetics. Garlic is another powerful cholesterol lowering agent.

The effective dose is about 4 cloves preferably taken raw (if you don’t mind the smell!). Garlic is also available as tablets or capsules.

Policosanol from Douglas Laboratories is available from MedB Health Shop, 60 Capsules for 25.22 Euros. Call 965071745.

Delivery is free I have metal crowns, and recently read that over time they could leak into your body and cause problems. I will like to know your opinion.

There has been a major improvement on the materials used to make dental crowns and metal plates inserted into the body. Most are now made from alloys, which are combina­ tions of several metals, and these alloys have

Q A

been found to be less toxic than older materi­ als. Today, metal crowns are usually made from alloys of gold, palladium and platinum and cheaper ones from nickel, chromium or beryllium. However there is still the risk of poi­ soning even with the best of metal alloys because over time they dissolve into the blood stream, and accumulate in the tissues and organs causing chronic diseases. For this rea­ son, anyone wearing metal crowns or has any other kind of metal inserted in them, should consider having a proper detox with a metal chelator (a substance that binds to heavy met­ als in the body) at least once a year. Luckily a few years ago, Pectasol was made available to the public as the only oral metal chelator. It is the only oral chelator that has undergone clinical trials and shown to eliminate heavy metals and toxins from the body. Pectasol is made from pectin (the white peel of citrus fruits, making it natural) and studies have shown that it increases the excretion of heavy metals and toxic compounds such as mercury, aluminium and metal alloys by up to 500%.

Pectasol has no side effects unlike the only other metal chelator EDTA, which is given intravenously, over many months, at a high cost. Another advantage of Pectasol is that it doesn’t bind to useful metals in the body such as zinc and copper, unlike EDTA that drains the body of these essential minerals. A detox course with Pectasol takes about 4 weeks.

Pectasol from Douglas labs is available from MedB Health Shop for 83.98 Euros, delivery is for free. Call 965071745

Friday, May 16, 2014

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Friday, May 16, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

BIG BROTHER’S WATCHING The Spanish Government wants your bank account details in what it calls a bid to crack down on money laundering and ter­ rorist activity. But the move to access 34 million accounts has drawn plenty of fire.

Spain plans to set up a German­style archive of data on the financial activity of Spaniards and residents in Spain, according to the national daily El País. The move will see banks having to supply details of all the personal and business cur­ rent accounts, savings accounts and fixed­term accounts they hold to the Secretary of State for the Economy.

Groups including the Tax Office, the military, the General Council of the Judiciary and the secret services will then be able to access that information.

Transactions over 1 thou­ sand Euros will be flagged if suspicious, while all trans­ actions over 30 thousand Euros can be checked.

Transfers of over 3 thou­ sand Euros a month will also come under the spot­ light, according to the new rules.

Politicians and top­ranking officials will also see their financial deal­ ings come under closer scrutiny as the country tackles corruption. But the plans have drawn fire from within the legal system, as well as from banks and bank customers. Judges consult­ ed by El País expressed concern the information held could be used for polit­ ical leverage, and said they already had access to infor­ mation provided by the tax office for investigations into tax fraud. One Supreme Court judge stressed, how­ ever, that account informa­ tion could only be accessed with a court order.

BUMPS ON PARADE

A record number of pregnant women joined an outdoor gathering in Madrid – 1,611 in total – in an attempt to be the biggest­ever con­ centration of moth­ ers­to­be in the world. Last year at around the same time, Barcelona broke the world record when 1,189 pregnant women descended on the city, but Madrid has now entered the Guinness Book of Records for Sunday's event in the Plaza de Callao.

Organised by the baby products brand Mamuky, the event started with a free en masse yoga class aimed at expecting moth­ ers, and then all participants were given a gift basket of essentials ranging from baby lotion to nappy­rash cream and baby wipes,

worth 100 euros each.

In total, 200 thousand Euros' worth of goods were handed out free. All women who took part were required to show their most­ recent scan picture and their identification to prove they were in fact pregnant, since the gathering included many who were in the very early stages and had not yet started to show.

STRIKE CALL IN BAR ROW Malaga’s bars are threat­ ening to close their doors after residents called for a ban on any more drinking spots opening in the Costa del Sol resort. The sheer vol­ ume of bars in the historic centre – blamed for attract­ ing high numbers of tourists but causing locals to leave – has recently been a source of heated debate. Residents called for a ban on new bars after a report by the Observatory of Urban Environment (OMAU) con­ cluded that extra bars and tourism are causing noise, increasing city centre clean­ ing bills and lowering resi­ dents’ quality of life.

However, a local business leader has hit back and called on all bars to shut their doors for 24 hours to prove to locals just how

important they are to the economy of Malaga.

“Whenever they speak about our industry it is always in a derogatory way,” said Jose Luis Ramos, pres­ ident of the hostelry associa­ tion EHMA­Costa del Sol. “They highlight negative

aspects such as noise or how terraces affect the right of way, when they should be praising the creation of employment and richness, the number of tourists we bring into the city and the good image they have of Malaga when they leave.”

KING BARRED FROM ANIMAL “NASTY”

Spain's Central Electoral Commission has banned an animal rights party's cam­ paign video which fea­ tured a photograph of King Juan Carlos dur­ ing a controversial ele­ phant hunt. The video, which is part of the PACMA animal rights party's campaign for the European elec­ tions on May 25th, includes a series of images meant to depict cruelty toward animals, including bullfighting and a photograph of the king and another hunter posing in front of a dead elephant.

The electoral commission said that "under no circumstances" could the image of the head of state be used as part of an electoral campaign.

King Juan Carlos was forced to apologize to Spaniards after a fall which broke his hip had forced the monarch to reveal that he had been on an elephant­hunting safari in

Botswana before flying back to Spain for treatment. He later resigned as honorary president of the Spanish branch of the WWF wildlife conservation organisation after an online petition had called for such a step.

The president of PACMA, Silvia Barquero, told the Europa Press news agency that her party would appeal against the decision.

PACMA, which is campaigning for greater ethics in public life as well as better treat­ ment for animals, gained 100,000 votes in Spain’s 2011 congressional election.

Friday, May 16, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

25

Only gays in the village “OIT” POINT FAILURE A married gay couple has declared war against a mayor in central Spain after she shouted out homophobic insults at them in a fit of rage they claim stems from their attempts at making the town hall accounts pub­ lic. “We went from being Miguel and Juan Carlos to being the f­­­ing homos of the village,” one of the men told Spanish daily 20minutos about their move from Madrid to the village of San Bartolomé.

They bought a house in the 50 person­ strong community in Ávila 11 years ago, using it primarily as a weekend and holiday getaway. Their drama reached its peak on April 18th when some of the villagers turned against them for calling Guardia Civil at the request of their neighbour. The mob had been drinking outdoors in the village square, leading a bar owner to claim they were steal­ ing his business.

But the group turned against Juan Carlos and Miguel instead, “aggressively forcing their way into (their) home”.

“I’m going to beat you up if you take a pic­ ture of me,” shouted one of the intruders as

the couple fought to kick them out. One of the people trying to make her way into their house was none other than San Bartolomé’s mayor, Montserrat Hernández, who yelled “I’m coming to get you, f­­­­ing homos”, among other similar insults.

Juan Carlos and Miguel pressed charges against the woman as a result, believing her slanderous attitude was a direct result of their attempts at making the town hall’s books public to all the villagers.

“When you’re married, living in Madrid and no one in your entourage has a problem with you being gay you think homophobia doesn’t exist, Juan Carlos told 20 minutos.

“But living in the capital is very different from living in a village deep in Castille.”

Spanish TV presenter Carolina Casado’s bad use of English has become the latest Aunt Sally for Spaniards embarrassed by promi­ nent English mistakes in key situa­ tions. Casado had been chosen to read out the Spanish results during last Saturday’s Eurovision Song Contest in Copenhagen but ended up being the butt of countless jokes on social media sites after mispro­ nouncing several English words live on air. Madrid’s poor English presentation is said to have counted against the city’s bid to host the 2020 Olympics last year.

The young presenter popped up on screen during Saturday’s Eurovision contest when it was Spain’s turn to hand out points to the contestants, with all the presenters before and after her speaking in near fault­ less English, with the exception of the French contribution from Paris which was done in their own language.

Beginning her speech with a broad Spanish accent, Casado made her first mis­ take when pronouncing "Europeans" as

"Europans". After a nerve­wracking sus­ pense brought on by a satellite delay between Copenhagen and Madrid, she stammered slightly and then announced: "Oit (8) points go to Romania!"

"Nerves and technique got the best of me," Spanish daily ABC quoted Casado as saying.

Other Spanish newspapers criticized the performance with words like "blunder" and "feeble English" The TV presenter and jour­ nalist has also been the butt of hundreds of jokes on Twitter and Facebook, under the hashtag #oitpoints.

A valuable painting believed to be by the Dutch artist Vincent Van Gogh may have been discovered by tax inspectors in Spain 40 years after it was reported missing.

Cypress, Sky and Country went missing from Vienna's Kunsthistorisches Museum around 40 years ago, Spain's El Mundo newspaper reported.

Art experts have told Spain's Tax Office the work painted in 1889 and measuring 35 by 32 centimetres is probably genuine, citing the evidence of three seals as proof. One of those is from Holland's Rijksmuseum muse­ um, and is dated to 1944, or during Nazi occupation of the country. The authenticity of the painting is now to be verified by the country's ministry of culture.

The painting was discovered during an investigation into tax fraud worth 319 million Euros, Spanish tax authorities said. The painting turned up during a search through

Madrid’s City Hall is set to change the bal­ ance between cars and pedestrians accord­ ing to new plans seen by the Spanish paper, El Pais. "Madrid is for people, not for vehi­ cles," says the document, in which "posi­ tive discrimination" schemes to favour pedestrians, plus the use of bicycles and 542 safety deposit boxes in 270 bank public transport are detailed.

Across the whole of the Spanish capital, branches. The search also turned up 15 bull­ fighting costumes, jewellery and 2 million the plan is to reduce traffic by 8% by 2020, Euros in cash, which has now gone into tax halve the numbers killed in traffic (32 last office coffers. The investigation is part of the year) and help the city to comply with Spanish tax office's ongoing attempts to European pollution limits, standards which boost tax collection during the country's eco­ it is currently failing to meet.

The dark pall of smog hanging over nomic crisis. Recently, it was reported the agency was selling off seized goods includ­ Madrid is so familiar to locals that it is ing bras, sunglasses and children's pencil known as the city's "beret". Despite having a public transport system which city cases.

authorities tout as one of the best in the world, the streets of Madrid still carry an average burden of more than 2.5 million journeys in private vehicles each week­ day.

According to El País, the reduction in car use would be brought about by increasing the cost of parking in the city centre, virtually doubling the price of a "blue­zone" parking meter ticket from €2.75 to €4.85 for two hours, reducing traffic lanes by expanding pavements and pedestrianising more of the city's streets, plus banning heavy vehicles at certain times and boosting the number of traffic patrol vehicles with mounted cameras.

Bus lanes would be increased by 90 kilome­ tres and priority given to buses at traffic lights.

Madrid’s war on smog

WHAT DO WE HAVE EAR THEN?

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Friday, May 16, 2014

SLAP IT ON THE BARBIE HALLOUMI KEBABS WITH THYME & LEMON BASTE Ingredients For the kebabs 2 medium courgettes 1 large red onion 250g low fat halloumi cheese, cut into 16 chunks (we used Cypressa Halloumi Lite) 16 cherry tomatoes For the lemon baste 1 tbsp olive oil 2 tbsp lemon juice 2 tsp fresh thyme leaves (preferably lemon thyme) 1 tsp Dijon mustard pitta bread, to serve

Method

1. Halve the courgettes lengthways, then thickly slice. Cut the onion into wedges and separate

into pieces. Thread the halloumi, cherry tomatoes, cour­ gettes and onion onto eight skewers. Cover and chill the kebabs until you are ready to cook (You can do this up to half a day ahead.)

2. To make the baste, mix together the olive oil, lemon juice, thyme, mustard and seasoning. (This can be made ahead and chilled too.)

3. Preheat the barbecue or grill and arrange the kebabs on the rack. Brush with the baste, stirring it first to make sure the ingredients are blended. Cook for 4­5 minutes, turning often, until the cheese begins to turn golden and the vegetables are just tender. Serve while still hot with warm pitta bread.

LAMB SHASHLIKS WITH ROSEMARY & GARLIC Ingredients 1 small leg of lamb (1½ kg/3lb 5oz), boned and cut into large chunks 1 lemon, juiced and roughly chopped 3 tbsp olive oil 20 garlic cloves, finely chopped handful rosemary sprigs, leaves picked and chopped 3 green peppers, cubed 2 red onions, cut into wedges To serve warmed flatbreads natural yogurt chilli sauce chopped tomato and cucumber

Method

1. Mix the lamb with the lemon and juice, oil, garlic and rose­ mary. Season well.

Cover with cling film and leave to chill for a few hours or, if possi­ ble, overnight.

2. Thread the lamb onto large metal or wooden skewers, alternating with the peppers and onions.

(If using wooden skewers, soak for 20 mins before using.)

3. Get your coals hot, then put the lamb skewers over the heat and cook for about 5 mins until well coloured. Turn over and cook for a further 5­10 mins until cooked to your liking and nicely charred. To test if the lamb is done, put a large skewer into the middle of the meat and press down on the flesh. If the juice that runs from it is bloody, it’s not cooked enough. If the juice is pink and watery, the lamb is cooked the way I like it. If the liquid is completely clear, the lamb is well done. Allow the meat to rest for a few mins before serving with flatbreads, yogurt, chilli sauce, and tomato and cucum­ ber.

GRIDDLED AUBERGINES WITH SESAME DRESSING Ingredients 2 large aubergines, cut into 2cm slices 2 tbsp olive oil 250g full­fat Greek yogurt 3 tbsp tahini paste 1 large garlic clove, crushed juice 1 lemon handful chopped coriander, parsley and mint, plus extra leaves to serve

Method

1. Brush each aubergine slice with some oil, then season.

Heat a griddle pan or barbecue. When hot, griddle the aubergine slices for 2­3 mins on each side until golden brown and tender.

2. Mix the yogurt with the tahini, garlic, lemon juice and herbs, then season. Top the aubergines with the dressing and scatter over extra herb leaves.

AUSSIE BURGERS WITH THE LOT Ingredients For the burger 1½ kg minced beef, not lean 2 red onions, finely chopped 5 garlic cloves, crushed large handful of parsley, chopped 75ml tomato ketchup 50ml oyster sauce 2 egg yolks To serve 6 smoked back bacon rashers 6 slices fresh pineapple 6 slices good melting cheese, such as cheddar 6 burger baps, split in half 2 tbsp mayonnaise 12 slices pickled beetroot 2 large tomatoes, sliced 1 Cos lettuce, separated into leaves

Method

1. To make the burgers, mix together all the ingredients and knead well so everything is thor­ oughly mixed.

Separate the mix into 6, roll each into a large ball, then shape into burgers (see photos, right).

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Friday, May 16, 2014 Put them in the fridge and, if possible, leave to chill for at least 1 hr. They can be made up to 2 days ahead.

2. To cook the burgers, get the barbecue good and hot with the coals glowing. You don’t need to add any oil to the burg­ ers. Put them on the barbecue and leave for a few mins until the edges start to colour, then slide a fish slice under the burgers and turn over. Repeat the process, then turn again.

Remove to the cooler side of the barbecue and leave to cook for a good 15 mins if you like them well cooked.

3. While the burgers are cooking, BBQ the bacon and pineapple. Top the burgers with the bacon, then add the cheese and put back on the barbecue to melt. Warm the baps over the barbecue, too, if you like.

4. Divide the mayo between the bap bases and top with the burgers. Add the pineapple, beetroot, tomato and lettuce, then put the lids on top.

SPATCHCOCK PIRI-PIRI CHICKEN Ingredients 1 chicken (about 1½ kg/3lb 5oz) 4 red chillies, chopped (deseeded if you don't like it too spicy) 3 garlic cloves, crushed 2 tsp sweet paprika 2 tbsp red wine vinegar 2 tbsp chopped parsley 2 tbsp olive oil lemon wedges and Tabasco sauce (option­ al), to serve

Method

1. To spatchcock the chicken, flip it over so the backbone is facing you. Using a sturdy pair of kitchen scissors or poultry scissors, cut down either side of the backbone, then discard.

Turn the chicken over and push down firmly on the breast­ bone to flatten out the bird. Make a few slashes in each leg joint. You can watch a video showing how to spatchcock a chicken in the How To Cook section of the website).

2. Put the chillies and garlic in a food processor with a good pinch of salt, or use a pestle and mortar. Blend to a paste, then add the paprika, vinegar, parsley and olive oil. Mix well, then smear over the chicken. Leave to marinate for at least 1 hr or overnight if possible. Can be frozen at this stage.

3. Fire up the barbecue. When the flames have died down, place the chicken on the centre of the barbecue, skin­side down, and cook for 15­20 mins until nicely charred. Flip the chicken over and continue cooking for another 5­15 mins until cooked through. Check that the juices run clear, as the heat of every barbecue will vary. To cook in the oven, heat to 200C/180C fan/gas 6 and cook for 35­40 mins on a baking tray. To char the skin, grill for a further 5­10 mins. Serve with lemon wedges, and Tabasco if you like it hot.

BBQ CHICKEN BURGERS Ingredients 4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts 4 rashers bacon (optional) 4 large burger buns, sliced in half lettuce, tomato and red onion, to serve For the sauce and marinade 4 tbsp tomato ketchup 4 tbsp brown sauce splash chilli sauce (optional) 2 tsp clear honey 2 garlic cloves, crushed

Method

1. Make the sauce and marinade by mixing everything together in a large bowl, then put a few spoonfuls aside. Slice

halfway into the thickest part of each breast and open it up like a book. Flatten down slightly with your hand, then toss in the bowlful of marinade to coat. Chill for as little, or as long, as you have time to.

2. Barbecue the chicken for about 10 mins until completely cooked through, turning so it doesn’t burn but is nicely charred and sticky. Cook the bacon at the same time until crisp, if using, and toast the buns. Assemble the burgers with lettuce, slices of tomato, onion and the reserved sauce on the side for dolloping on top.

BARBECUED GREEK LAMB WITH TZATZIKI Ingredients 4 garlic cloves 4 tbsp olive oil juice 1 lemon 1 tbsp dried oregano 1 tbsp thyme leaf 2 bay leaves 1 leg of lamb, butterflied (see step by step guide) flatbreads, to serve For the tzatziki ½ cucumber, halved and deseeded 170g pot Greek yogurt 1 small garlic clove, crushed handful mint leaves, chopped

Method

1. Mash the garlic to a paste with a pestle and mortar.

Mix with the olive oil, lemon juice, oregano and thyme leaves, and season with a little salt and plenty of pep­ per. Place the lamb in a large porcelain dish. Pour the marinade over the lamb and massage into the meat.

Leave the lamb for at least 1 hr at room temperature, or longer in the fridge, but no longer than overnight or the meat will become too soft.

2. To cook the lamb, fire up the barbecue, or heat the oven to 220C/200C fan/gas 7. To cook on the barbecue, wait for the coals to turn ashen, then lay the lamb on the grill and cook for 15 mins on each side for meat that is pink, or 20 mins on each side for well done. To cook in the oven, place the lamb in a shallow roasting tin and roast for 30 mins for pink or 40 mins for well done, turning the lamb halfway through. Leave the meat to rest for 10 mins before carving.

3. Meanwhile, make the tzatziki. Coarsely grate the cucumber, sprinkle with a pinch of salt and squeeze out all the liquid. Tip into a bowl with the yogurt, garlic and mint, and mix well.

Carve the lamb into thick

slices and serve with the tzatziki wrapped up in warm flat­ breads.

MEXICAN CORN ON THE COB Ingredients 4 corn cobs 100g butter, softened zest 1 lime 2 tsp chopped fresh chilli or 1 tsp chilli pow­ der, mild or hot, depending how spicy you like it lime wedges, to serve

Method

1. Soak corn in cold water for 15 mins. Heat a griddle pan or barbe­ cue and, when hot, place the corn directly on the bars. Cook for 30­40 mins, turning regularly, until the corn is tender and charred in spots.

2. Meanwhile, mash the butter with the lime zest and chili.

When the cobs are done, top each with a knob of flavoured butter and serve with lime wedges.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

Friday, May 16, 2014

The Vista Card For great discounts, cut out The Vista Card below and present it to participating businesses

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Friday, May 16, 2014

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Friday, May 16, 2014

YOU’RE THE ONE Boniface’s have a smile THAT I WANT!

The curtain goes up at the end of the month for the latest Stagestruck show, Ancient Grease, which is a somewhat dif­ ferent take on the John Travolta and Olivia Newton John­starring musical. All the origi­ nal characters like Danny and Sandy meet up years later in a Benidorm care home where they are all older but certainly no wiser. All the original hits songs are there, but not necessarily how you would expect

them!

Ancient Grease is on at San Fulgencio’s Cardenal Belluga Theatre on Thursday May 29th through to Saturday May 31st, with tickets at just 6 Euros each which include a free glass of wine. Tickets are on sale from Stella on 965 076 700 or from Ray’s Laundrette in La Marina; Fancy That in the Toretta’s; and The Card Place in Benimar.

STRAWBERRY FAIR FOREVER

Gill and Peter Savage got more than they bar­ gained for as they opened up their finca at San Miguel de Salinas in aid of charity, and instead of the 30­odd people they expected, they greeted a

steady stream of 300 visi­ tors for their fund­raising Strawberry Fair. The cou­ ple, who own the Frissan Restaurant in San Miguel, know a thing or two about making an event go with a swing, and were kept busy

Restaurante on Thursday May 29th, when entertainment will be provided by, the ever popular, 'Woody & The Peckers', and anoth­ er cruise will be the star raffle prize!

Last Saturday’s “Race for Life” based around Mil Palmeras raised 2 thousand Euros for the cancer fight­ ing group, Maria and the Pink Ladies with around 100 people cycling 10 kilometres in the annual event.

Pictured are Maria with Pink Ladies Karen, Carole and Sue, organiser Graham from JP’s Bar and Restaurant in Mil Palmeras and little Gabriella who herself raised 700 Euros.

Maria and her team are very much on a roll in their support for the AECC Contra El Cancer group, with two other large cheques being recently presented to them.

Firstly, they picked up 405 Euros from the

Dolores Peacocks Petanca club, and then a further boost of 570 Euros from Bar Kenz in the La Siesta area of Torrevieja.

IN THE PINK

CHARITY FOR CHARITY

San Fulgencio’s Alzheimer’s Association will be boosted by Studio 32’s production of Sweet Charity early next month. The show features a range of colourful characters and some great songs including Big Spender and Rhythm of Life. The pro­ duction will be staged at the Cardenal Belluga Theatre in San Fulgencio between Thursday June 5th and during the afternoon sell­ Saturday June 7th, with the ing t­shirts and raffle tick­ performance starting at ets. To date, 1500 Euros 7.30pm. Tickets, which cost 6 has been raised for the Euros, can be bought from Torrevieja­based home­ Ann on 966 318 019. less charity, Reach Out, as well as other worthwhile local causes.

TORRY MAYOR HONOURED

Torrevieja’s Mayor, Eduardo Dolon, has been made an Honorary member of the Torrevieja Costa Lions club. Club President Janette Bennett, officially inducted the Mayor with a certificate and a Lions lapel pin. She thanked the Torrevieja Town Hall for all the help they’ve had over the last 9 years, whilst in turn Eduardo Dolon praised the club for all of their excellent work, adding that he was delighted to become an Honorary Lions member.

Marion & John Boniface got an unexpected second honey­ moon to remember as their names popped out as the win­ ners of a Mediterranean Cruise; a raffle prize donated

by Andres, owner of El Alto La Dolores Restaurante in Guardamar. Marion's face was one of utter disbelief when her number was called out, and she and John plan to have the trip to celebrate their wedding anniversary. It was the high­ light of another successful night held by the Smile Charity Group, which saw 450 Euros raised for the Torrevieja­homeless 'Reach Out' Charity.

This sum will be boosted further at the next fund­raiser at the El Alto La Dolores

CLOWNING AROUND

A bunch of clowns helped out youngsters recently to enjoy the recent May Day Carnival in La Zona market place, but they were all in good order, as they were HELP Murcia Mar Menor vounteers who cheerfully

got the make­up and costumes out! The event proved to be a big success with the children who took part in the many games, and the Terri Horvath Morris dancers and TAABS also supported the special day.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 The mood is one of bustle and change, Aries. It's a good day to clear out your wardrobe or other belongings. Out with the old, in with the new! You may consign the old stuff to the basement or give it to charity. The main thing is to make room for your new tastes and new relationships. A new person is being born in you. Clear the path for this being to come through!

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 You're a great creator of systems, Scorpio.

You can tinker with every sort of construc­ tion, from theories and computer programs to scientific experiments and strategic eval­ uations. Today the planets are guiding you.

You're a perfect computer, capable of syn­ thesizing random events into pure reason.

You're sure to attract attention if you share your thoughts with others.

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 It isn't always easy to win the admiration you expect from your partner, Gemini. But in this area today seems to be better than most. You're likely to be brimming with ideas for ways to enhance your most appealing qualities. But don't overdo it.

Your efforts at physical or intellectual seduction are most effective when they're subtle.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 No one dislikes red tape and bureaucracy more than you. But take advantage of the atmosphere today. If you have any appli­ cations to submit or formalities to com­ plete, you'll find the process much easier than usual. Communication channels that are normally closed will open, and the administrative mechanisms will be well oiled instead of grinding.

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 Some people tend to make mountains out of molehills. Currently, you're likely to feel as though you're surrounded by peo­ ple who exaggerate problems. You, on the other hand, have a loftier perspective.

You're a visionary who can foresee future social trends. This gift would serve you well as a political speechwriter, should you want to take on that sort of job.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 You're visionary and progressive today, Virgo, despite what people may say about your tendency to be conservative.

You could easily come up with an effec­ tive way to help people. For some rea­ son, practical problems are easy for you to solve. Don't pay any attention to the idle and ineffective chatter of intellectu­ als.

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 Today you should abandon any intellec­ tual pursuits and concentrate on practical problems related to organization and goal setting. You're likely to find perfect solu­ tions within an hour of starting. The heav­ ens are helping you, Libra. Give them some credit for your ingenuity, and waste no time in implementing your plans!

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 You're a great creator of systems, Scorpio.

You can tinker with every sort of construc­ tion, from theories and computer programs to scientific experiments and strategic evaluations. Today the planets are guiding you. You're a perfect computer, capable of synthesizing random events into pure rea­ son. You're sure to attract attention if you share your thoughts with others.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 Who would have guessed that you have an ability to understand subjects as irrational as human passions? You're getting down and dirty with the sticky, trivial realities of day­to­day life that never interested you before. Your new nonstick coating would make you an excellent personnel director, hiring and firing at the drop of a hat. Has that thought ever occurred to you?

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 Until now, you didn't know you were capable of managing people with prob­ lems. But the so­called poetic universe you inhabit is actually much more realistic than it seems at first glance. People who believe that human reality is 100 percent logical will feel ridiculous when they see the elegant, humane solutions you invent.

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 At last, a day of relief from the tension! The flow of communication facilitates personal and professional projects. Now is the time to listen to your partner or other family mem­ bers about the material aspects of the future.

For example, are you setting aside enough money for your children's education? Are you taking proper care of your home? Are your investments allocated correctly? These are all issues worth considering today.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 You're well aware that your happiness in love doesn't depend on emotional promises alone. In order to attract your attention, any­ one new in your life has to make some material offering as well. That's exactly what could happen today. You might receive a gift from someone who has been buzzing around you for some time. Smile, Pisces.

People are finally beginning to catch on.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Brian wanted to know whether resetting Internet ADVICE: Margaret was having problem opening .gif files Explorer was a “safe” thing to do.

Hi Richard. I can't open GIF files for some reason and wondered if you could help.

Q

Hi Richard, I have just read your reply in the paper to someone’s query about internet explorer crash­ ing and telling them to reset it.

Well mines been doing that for a while now, crashing and stopping working, followed by the message. My question is, if I do as you say and click the reset button in tools etc. what will it do to programmes on the computer. I seem to remem­ ber from my school physics days that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Will it cause more problems than it cures in other words?

A

Hi Brian, resetting Internet Explorer is a pretty safe thing to do, it essentially puts it back to its original settings, disabling any downloaded toolbars and add­ons (which are usually the culprits responsible for making it unstable). If you tick the box to “delete personal settings” (which is usually not necessary to sort out Internet Explorer problems) then it will also delete things like your browsing history, temporary inter­ net files and custom home pages.

Hope that helps.

ADVICE: Niel had lost his contacts from his Mac and wanted to know how to get them back.

Q A

Hi Richard, I have lost my contacts on my Mac com­ puter. They are still on my iPhone and iPad. So it seems I have done something wrong myself. How can I get them back? Niel Hi Niel, have a look in Finder > System Preference > iCloud

Don’t forget you can follow me on twit­ ter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Q A

Many thanks Margaret

Hi Margaret, in order to open any type of file your computer needs to know which program to use to display the contents of the file. It looks like in your case your com­ puter hasn’t been told what to use to open .gif files, I’m pleased to say this is a pretty simple problem to solve.

Just right hand click the file that you are struggling to open and choose the option “open with”, you will be offered a number of pro­ grams to use, select Internet Explorer (this pro­ gram certainly opens .gif files), tick the box to always open .gif files using this program and click ok.

That should sort the problem out.

ADVICE: Rose wanted to know how to get hold of the latest version of AVG Hi Richard it is Rose, when I type in web site for AVG free security cover and click search a list of sites offering AVG, free cover appears. I am not sure which heading to click on. At the moment on my computer it says I have 28 days left of cover, so I thought I would download the new free version of AVG. Thanks Richard

Q

Hi Rose, you can download the free version of AVG 2014, the latest version, from the link below… http://free.avg.com/eu­en/free­downloads …once downloaded, you just need to run the installation and AVG will automatically remove the previous version and install the new free version.

A

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

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Friday, May 16, 2014

Incredible Dubai police cars The amazing Dubai police car fleet means there's no absolutely no escape for the emi­ rate's errant motorists From its unique architecture to its amaz­ ing skyline and eye watering prices, the United Arab Emirate of Dubai has always done things very differently.

Never afraid to flash its excess wealth, and famed worldwide for its conspicuous consumption, it’s no surprise that the local constabulary has accumulated the most exotic stable of police cars in the world.

Lamborghini, Aston Martin, Ferrari and more... it’s every petrol head’s wish list of motoring exotica, but a daily drive from some for the lucky officers serving in the desert. We take a look at the cars that will be on your tail if you’re foolish enough to con­ sider speeding in Dubai, the land where the PCs most certainly aren’t plodders...

and every effort is made to produce the per­ fect car, tailored to buyers’ every request.

The 6.0­litre W12 engine catapults the car to just shy of 200mph, and dispatches the 0­ 62mph sprint in 4.3 seconds. Relatively cheap among its contemporaries at £139,755.

6.2­litre V8, and is capable of nearly 200mph, doing 0­62mph in less than four seconds. At £191,000, it’s a snip next to some of the other cars here. Now where do the bad guys sit?

Lamborghini Aventador

Engine: 6.5 V12, 690bhp | Top speed: 217mph | 0­62mph: 2.9 secs | Price: £265,900

Ford Shelby Mustang Roush Edition

its 651bhp V12 engine. At just under £250,000, it’s another costly addition to the Dubai police fleet.

Engine: 5.0 V8, 575bhp | Top speed: 147mph | 0­62mph: 4.5 secs | Price: £65,640 (est)

Bentley Continental GT

Engine: 6.0 W12, 567bhp | Top speed: 197mph | 0­62mph: 4.3 secs | Price: £139,755

BMW M6 Gran Coupe

Engine: 4.4 V8, 552bhp | Top speed: 155mph | 0­62mph: 4.1 secs | Price: £97,285

A product of Lamborghini’s famous factory at Sant’Agata, the Aventador is striking in every way. Its rakish lines and aggressively flared arches and intakes give it a presence few cars can match. And with a massive 690bhp from the 6.5­litre V12 engine, this bull can charge to 217mph and from 0­ 62mph in a mightily impressive 2.9 seconds.

But at £265,900, it’s definitely no cheap thrill.

Aston Martin One-77

Engine: 7.3 V12, 750bhp | Top speed: 220mph | 0­62mph: 3.7 secs | Price: £1,150,000 A relatively tame part of Dubai Police’s fleet, but BMW’s legendary ‘M’ badge signi­ fies there’s no shortage of power. With a 4.4­ litre V8, the M6 Gran Coupe is propelled from 0­62mph in 4.1 seconds, on its way to a limited top speed of 155mph. At just under £100,000, this is one of the cheaper cars on the fleet, but rest assured those sumptuous leather seats will keep criminals comfort­ able.

Mercedes SLS AMG

Engine: 6.2 V8, 591bhp ­ Top speed: 199mph ­ 0­62mph: 3.7 secs ­ Price: £191,000

This is as special as they come from the legendary British maker. As the name sug­ gests, the Aston Martin One­77 was a limit­ ed release of just 77 models worldwide.

Beautifully hand­crafted materials and an obsessive attention to detail mark the car out. It’s no slouch, either, with 750bhp from a V12 and a top speed of 220mph. The force’s accountant may be concerned at the £1,150,000 price tag, though.

Ferrari FF

As supercars go, few would deny that the Mercedes SLS AMG is a work of art, with its generously proportioned front end sweeping back to a dramatic set of gullwing doors. The Mercedes produces almost 600bhp from a

Engine: 6.2 V12, 651bhp ­| Top speed: 208mph | 0­62mph: 3.7 secs | Price: £227,142 Practical and Ferrari are two words you rarely hear in the same sentence. The Ferrari FF is an exception, though, because it is a genuinely practical supercar with space for four occupants in a shooting brake body style – the perfect choice for transport­ ing criminals to the station quickly, thanks to

Another British car, the Bentley Continental GT is a fine choice due to its superb refinement and quality. It’s hand­ made at Bentley’s famous Crewe factory,

The Ford Mustang costs small change in relation to the other cars on the fleet, but doesn’t disappoint. This ‘pony car’ is more of a cobra, something its Shelby badge backs up. Modifier Roush has added even more power to the Ford, which features a highly tuned 5.0­litre V8. This pushes out 575bhp and gets the car from 0­62mph quicker than the Bentley. It costs under a third of the price of its British rival, so what’s not to like?

Friday, May 16, 2014

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Friday, May 16, 2014

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 25 represents B and 16 represents Z, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Woodwind instrument (8) 5 See 3 Down 9 Sentry (7) 10 Common viper (5) 11 From here (4) 12 Salt lake in the Jordan valley (4,3) 15 Verbal (6) 16 Bother (6) 19 Aromatic herb (7) 21 Worry (4) 24 Speculate (5) 25 Inspect (7) 26 Edge (4) 27 Forwards (8)

1 Fall down (8) 2 Tropical fruit (7) 3/5 Nickname of Margaret Thatcher (4,4) 4 Respect (6) 6 Confuse (5) 7 Three feet (4) 8 Relating to the heart (7) 13 Continue (7) 14 Fidgety (8) 17 Assume (7) 18 Given in (6) 20 In front (5) 22 Eras (4) 23 African country (4)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Stroll, 4 Closed, 9 Aviator, 10 Claps, 11 Tense, 12 Lodging, 13 Sensational, 18 Popular, 20 Scope, 22 Giant, 23 Arrange, 24 Tender, 25 Resent.

Down: 1 Scanty, 2 Reign, 3 Letters, 5 Lucid, 6 Stamina, 7 Design, 8 Proletariat, 14 Explain, 15 Observe, 16 Spigot, 17 Reject, 19 Lithe, 21 Ounce.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 7 Poorly mends gas mon­ sters (6) 8 So Edna is around some Poles (6) 9 Event in Monica Seles’s diary (4) 10 Set off in good time towards dawn (8) 11 Coach scruffy cheater (7) 13 Outing Aunt Joan initial­ ly arranged (5) 15 Bored Jack’s dead wrong (5) 17 Plant hidden fact or yearning (7) 20 I propose a mention be made (8) 21 Implement for starting, taking off or landing (4) 22 A tonic for Prince, it’s reported (6) 23 Reason for shaking hands? (6) STANDARD CLUES Across 7 Evil spirits (6) 8 Positive terminals (6) 9 Legal matter (4) 10 Towards sunrise (8) 11 Educator (7) 13 Short journey (5) 15 Fatigued (5) 17 Plant (7) 20 Propose a candidate (8) 21 Implement (4) 22 Shot in the arm (6) 23 Uneasy psychological state (6)

Down 1 Tell about the departed (6) 2 Book some customers (4) 3 American male gets embarrassed when escort­ ed (7) 4 Rope back in colossal catch (5) 5 Open­minded to the French rave (8) 6 A magician’s bird (6) 12 Bred lice indiscriminate­ ly? Would you believe it!

(8) 14 Bars servant work out (7) 16 Fuss over Northern Ireland’s handsome youth (6) 18 Herod’s new island (6) 19 US resort seen in stamp album (5) 21 Rotate tea boiler (4) Down 1 Make a logical connection (6) 2 Large and scholarly book (4) 3 Escorted (7) 4 Lariat (5) 5 Broad­minded (8) 6 Legendary magician (6) 12 Capable of being believed (8) 14 Inns (7) 16 Handsome Greek of myth (6) 18 Greek island (6) 19 Resort city in western Florida (5) 21 Revolve (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Ramparts, 5 Twit, 9 Mandela, 10 Maine, 11 Moor, 12 Revised, 15 Easter, 16 Repair, 19 Exposed, 21 Cool, 24 Liner, 25 Needing, 26 Menu, 27 Lacrosse.

Down: 1 Remember, 2 Mangoes, 3 Ages, 4 Tea set, 6 Waive, 7 Tier, 8 Imbibed, 13 Detours, 14 Prologue, 17 Atomics, 18 Hernia, 20 Xenon, 22 Plum, 23 Near.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Are Gap Nan 4 letter words Aces Afar Ages Ague Amen Ante Cede Ciao Dost Elba Else

Ergo Ergs Euro Gene Keen Knot Lava Naan Ogee Open Pack Pale Pert Port Rasp Reek Rosy Rude

Scan Sild Spot Thee Tsar Turn Urge 5 letter words Abate Alien Aloha Avers Beano Canoe Caper Cards Darts

Elfin Holds Inner Inset Keyed Niece Oasts Pager Piano Riser Safes Salsa Tails Tared Topee Unite 6 letter words

Darken Impose Invest Ironed Itself Scrape Sender Slogan 7 letter words Marshal Morning Offbeat Sardine 8 letter words Inverted Teenager

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Barcos (de grandes tamaños) (5) 3 Shepherd (6) 6 Air hostess (7) 8 Yearning (desire) (5) 10 Gold (metal, com­ modity, currency) (3) 11 El más fácil (7) 12 Edge (of cliff, wood, bed, paper) (5) 13 Silver (metal) (5) 18 Office (workplace) (7) 20 Deber (dinero, expli­ cación, respeto) (3) 21 Pavement (for walk­ ing on) (5)

22 Customer (7) 23 To rest (6) 24 Toads (5) Down 1 Sombra (proyectada por un objeto) (6) 2 Alga (7) 3 Oración (religión) (6) 4 Asientos (muebles) (5) 5 Letter (mail) (5) 7 Pedir perdón (9) 9 Maíz dulce (9) 14 Camiones (7) 15 Leaves (of plants) (5) 16 Platillo (6) 17 Joyas (6) 19 Italia (5)

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Friday, May 16, 2014 Across 1 British Labour party politician, who has been the MP for Morley and Outwood since 2010, and is the current shadow chan­ cellor of the exchequer: Ed ­­­­­ (5) 4 Department or division of a police force that enforces laws against pros­ titution, drug abuse, illegal gambling, etc (4,5) 9/22 English aviator who, in 1930, became the first woman to fly solo to Australia (3,7) 10 Invisible gaseous sub­ stance surrounding the Earth, a mixture mainly of oxygen and nitrogen (3) 11 Defensive wall of a castle or walled city, having a broad top with a walkway and typically a stone para­ pet (7) 12 French couturier whose first collection in 1947 featured narrow­ waisted, tightly fitted bodices and full pleated skirts, which became known as the New Look: Christian ­­­­ (4) 13 Point in the orbit of a planet, asteroid or comet at

which it is closest to the sun (10) 15 Game in which num­ bered balls are drawn at random and players cover the corresponding numbers on their cards (5) 16 Try again, because an earlier effort was unsuc­ cessful (9) 17 HBO period drama series set in Atlantic City, New Jersey, during the pro­ hibition era: ­­­­­­­­­ Empire (9) 21 British prime minister from 1990 to 1997: John ­­­ ­­ (5) 23 Large round yellow citrus fruit with an acid juicy pulp (10) 24 Derogatory term for a young, lower­class person typified by brash and loutish behaviour and the wearing of real or imitation designer clothes (4) 27 Showing a lack of intelligence or thought (7) 28 Long­handled garden­ ing tool with a thin metal blade, used mainly for weeding (3) 29 Large star that is the source of light and heat for the planets in the solar sys­

SUDOKU (Hard)

Quiz Word

tem (3) 30 Female ballet dancers (9) 31 Members of a reli­ gious community of men

typically living under vows of poverty, chastity and obedience (5) Down

1 Surname of comedians Jo, Katy and Russell (5) 2 Song performed by Eric Clapton and written by Clapton, Marcy Levy and George Terry that featured on his 1977 album Slowhand and reached number three in the Billboard Hot 100 chart: ­­­ ­ ­­­ Sally (3,4) 3 German Eurodance group whose UK number one hit singles include The Power and Rhythm Is a Dancer (4) 4 Seventeenth century Dutch painter who chiefly painted domestic genre scenes, for example The Kitchen­Maid. His work is distinguished by its bal­ anced composition and treatment of light: Jan ­­­­­­­ (7) 5 French mountainous island off the west coast of Italy that was the birthplace of Napoleon I (7) 6 Famous aria com­ posed by George Gershwin for the 1935 opera Porgy and Bess (10) 7 Heavy toxic silvery­ white radioactive metallic element that occurs in

many isotopes and is used for nuclear fuels and nuclear weapons (7) 8 Device or small sensi­ tive charge used to set off an explosive (9) 14 Remove material that is considered improper or offensive from a text or account, especially with the result that the text becomes weaker or less effective (10) 15 Smallest size of grand piano, about 1.5 metres (five feet) long (4,5) 18 Early French settler in the Canadian provinces of New Brunswick and Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island (7) 19 Inflatable mattresses (3,4) 20 Chessmen shaped to resemble the heads of horses that move by jump­ ing to the opposite corner of a rectangle two squares by three (7) 22 See 9 Across 25 Roman goddess of love, the counterpart of the Greek Aphrodite (5) 26 Microorganism, espe­ cially one that causes dis­ ease (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

PROTECCION SOLAR

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

bajar persianas

nadar en el mar

el filtro solar

ponerse crema

la gorra

refrescarse

la piscina

sentir la brisa

la sombra

tomar helados

la sombrilla

toma mucha agua

mojarse

usar ropa floja

science QUIZ

ANSEWRS 1. Mules 2. Le Figaro 3. It's Feet 4. Hay Fever 5. Sand 6.

Sodium 7. Kitten 8. Sputnik I 9. Ohm 10. Armadillo 11.

Walnut 12. Strowger 13. Dolly The Sheep Was Created

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Hill, 3 Rotary Club, 10 Line­out, 11 Madness, 12 Caribou, 13 Neighs, 15 Penne, 16 Balthasar, 18 Eccentric, 21 Butch, 23 Kansas, 25 Rostrum, 27 Abilene, 28 Mermaid, 29 Fitzgerald, 30 Gnus.

Down: 1 Helicopter, 2 Long run, 4 Outnumber, 5 Amman, 6 Yiddish, 7 Leeches, 8 Best, 9 Zombie, 14 Archimedes, 17 Lachrymal, 19 Chariot, 20 Nest egg, 21 Bistro, 22 Terrain, 24 Speer, 26 Calf.

Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.bajar persianas, 2.el filtro

13.toma mucha agua,

i.swim in the sea, j.the hat,

solar, 3.la gorra, 4.la piscina,

14.usar ropa floja.

k.put the blinds down, l.get wet,

5.la sombra, 6.la sombrilla,

m.wear lose clothes,

7.mojarse, 8.nadar en el mar,

a.sun screen, b.feel the breeze,

9.ponerse crema,

c.put on cream, d.the shade,

10.refrescarse,

e.have ice­creams, f.cool down,

11.sentir la brisa,

g.the swimming pool,

12.tomar helados,

h.drink lots of water,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

n.the sunshade.

Answers: 1k, 2a, 3j, 4g, 5d, 6n, 7l, 8i, 9c, 10f, 11b, 12e, 13h, 14m.

1. A barren is a group of what kind of animals?

2. Which Newspaper Had It's Own Office On The 2nd Floor Of The Eiffel Tower?

3. What Part Of Its Body Does A ButterFly Use To Taste?

4. What Is The More Common Name For Allergic Rhinitus?

5. What Do Alligators Lay Their Eggs In? 6. Which soft metal is used in the production of soap?

7. What is the correct name for a baby otter?

8. Which Soviet Artificial Satelite Was Launched In October 1957?

9. What Is The SI Unit Of Resistance?

10. What animal always gives birth to same sex twins?

11. Juglans Regia is the scientific name of what type of nut tree?

12. Who Developed The First Aautomatic Telephone Exchange?

13. Which Piece of science history was created at the Roslin Institute in Scotland on 5th July 1996?

Quizword

Fill It In

38

Friday, May 16, 2014

TRELI ON THE TELLY

JACK’S BACK

very different and fresh to the viewing table that impacted for ever on the TV landscape.

These shows proved that The golden age of US TV cinema style standards, writ­ drama kicked in at the turn ing and production could be of the century, which achieved on the small screen makes things sound like and ended the long­standing ancient history! view that TV was the poor In the space of a couple of relation of the movies. These years we saw The Sopranos, days some of the best writ­ The Wire, The West Wing, ers, actors, and producers and 24 make their debuts are working on major TV and all brought something series like Game of Thrones,

with ALEX TRELINSKI

Fargo, True Detective, Boardwalk Empire and The Good Wife, who all owe a big debt to the forward thinking attitude of some executives who were prepared to take a risk over a dozen years ago to bring us something differ­ ent.

24, which has returned in total glory after 4 years for a new mini­series sub­titled Live Another Day, pioneered real­time drama with split­ screens, in addition to plot twists mixing in politics and espionage with knuckle­ride action. It had never been done before on TV and it worked, including one of the biggest twists I’ve ever seen in a drama, when the charac­ ter of Nina Myers was revealed to be a double agent in series one! Kiefer Sutherland was just made to be our hero Jack Bauer and his return has not disappoint­ ed. The new story is set in London with all the iconic backdrops with a top mix of US and Brit actors, and as

always Jack has popped up to save the US President, who as regular 24 fans would know, just happens to be the dad of a former flame of Jack’s, who had been cap­ tured and tortured by the Chinese in a previous series.

I won’t go any further if you are not able to watch on Sky One and are waiting for the DVD set later in the year, but it delivers in break­neck action and surprises, along with the usual bit of credibility stretching that us 24 fans have got used to over the years. In all fairness, I thought the series was right to wrap up 4 years ago as the ideas had gone, and the break has down it a power of good. Whether or not we will see another run, I don’t know, but let’s make the most of what we’ve got in one of the best contemporary­set action series ever made.

Staying Stateside, what is the best way to guar­ antee an audience? Simple, just keep the spin­off’s com­

q

ing! For the new season, CBS has ordered NCIS:­ New Orleans and CSI:­ Cyber (What “Who” track will they use as the theme?). In the renewals category, ABC are bringing back favourites of mine like Nashville, Revenge, and Scandal (with a new British home of UK Living), and Agents of Shield is rightly back for a second run, after really getting its act together after a sluggish start. And oh yes, they’ve ordered a limited run Marvel

spin­off from Captain America, with Hayley Atwell reprising her character of Agent Carter that appeared in the first Captain movie.

q

I felt sorry for Molly at last Saturday’s Eurovision. She did miles better than her final position for the UK suggested, and I hope that the BBC hold their nerve and keep putting this kind of artist forward in future contests rather than washed­ up old acts that offer nothing.

Friday May 16 00:35 This Week 01:20 Holiday Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 First Time on the Front Line 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 Countdown to Chelsea 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 MasterChef 22:30 Have I Got News for You 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show 16/05 00:20 BBC2 00:20 Watermen: A Dirty Business 01:20 Panorama 01:50 Vets in the Disaster Zone 02:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 The World, My Stuff and Me 05:30 Schools ­ Made of Money 06:00 Schools ­ Counting with Rodd 06:55 Wonders of Nature: Birds of Paradise

07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:20 Homes Under the Hammer 08:20 Caught Red Handed 08:50 First Time on the Front Line 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 The Great Interior Design Challenge 11:05 Mary Berry Cooks 11:35 The Travel Show 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Instant Restaurant 14:45 One Man and His Campervan 15:15 The Pallisers 16:05 Coast 16:45 Great British Garden Revival 17:45 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 The Minster 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 The Story of Women and Art 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 The Last Word 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Weekend Escapes with Warwick Davis 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Lewis 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:33 Party Election Broadcast for the English Local Elections 23:35 The World Is Not Enough

LEWIS Part one of two. After seven years of ducking the issue, Lewis and Hobson are embarking on a rela­ tionship, but the detective also has a new case to solve. Elderly don Richard Seager is murdered on the night of his release from prison, having served a sentence for causing death by dangerous driv­ ing. Crushed by a classic car, Seager mysteriously scratched the number 500 into its paintwork before his demise, and the academic's wife sus­ pects a member of his victim's family is responsi­ ble for the killing.

00:00 The Island with Bear Grylls 01:00 24 Hours in A&E 01:55 Random Acts 02:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 02:55 Man vs Weird 03:50 How to Get a Council House 04:45 Unreported World 05:10 Four Rooms 06:05 SuperScrimpers 06:30 Hugh's 3 Good Things: Best Bites 06:45 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:50 Deal or No Deal 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:55 Frasier 10:55 Undercover Boss USA 11:55 Come Dine with Me 12:55 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:00 Come Dine with Me 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:35 Unreported World 21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

00:00 Person of Interest 00:55 Access 01:05 SuperCasino 04:10 Ben Fogle's Animal Clinic 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Great Artists 06:10 Nick's Quest 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Police Interceptors 13:40 Ben Fogle's Animal Clinic 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:15 Mystery Woman: Redemption 17:55 Access 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 Bloody Tales of the Tower 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 NCIS 23:00 NCIS: Los Angeles 23:55 Bangkok Brits

39

Saturday May 17 09:00 Great British Menu 09:30 Great British Menu 00:20 Bad Education 00:55 EastEnders 02:50 Weatherview 02:55 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Nigellissima 13:00 Homes Under the Hammer 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:15 Live Athletics 15:50 Bargain Hunt 16:35 Escape to the Country 17:35 Celebrity Mastermind 18:05 Enchanted 19:45 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Pointless Celebrities 20:55 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 21:45 Casualty 22:35 The Guess List 23:15 Mrs Brown's Boys 23:45 BBC News; Weather 17/05 00:00 BBC2

10:00 Great British Menu 10:30 Great British Menu 11:00 The Living Planet 11:55 Coast 12:00 Fred Dibnah's Industrial Age 12:30 Great British Railway Journeys 13:00 Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 13:45 Nigel Slater's Simple Suppers 13:50 Talking Pictures 14:25 Wuthering Heights 16:05 Pride and Prejudice 18:00 Natural World 19:00 Flog It! 20:00 Museums at Night 21:00 Bob Larbey ­ A Tribute 21:15 Comedy Connections 21:55 All About The Good Life 22:55 QI XL 23:40 Gone Baby Gone

01:55 04:00 05:50 07:00 07:25 07:50 08:05 08:20 08:45 09:00 09:25 09:30 10:25 11:25 12:25 12:29 12:30 13:25 14:25 15:10 15:35 15:45 16:00 20:30 21:50 22:50 23:45 23:59

Jackpot247 Closing the Ring ITV Nightscreen Dino Dan Matt Hatter Chronicles Canimals Sooty Digimon Fusion Horrid Henry Adventure Time ITV News Weekend The Hungry Sailors Murder, She Wrote ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather The Jeremy Kyle Show USA Storage Hoarders All Star Family Fortunes Off Their Rockers ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Live FA Cup Football Britain's Got Talent Amazing Greys The Americans ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather

00:05 Rude Tube 01:05 Brooklyn Nine­Nine 01:30 jackass number two 03:05 Random Acts 03:10 Southland 03:55 Desperate Housewives 04:40 Four Rooms 05:35 Deal or No Deal 06:10 SuperScrimpers 06:40 The Hoobs 07:30 Trans World Sport 08:30 FIM Superbike World Championship 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Weekend Kitchen 11:00 Frasier 11:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:55 The Big Bang Theory 12:50 The Simpsons 13:45 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 14:45 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 19:45 Channel 4 News 20:05 The Restoration Man 21:00 Grand Designs 22:00 X­Men: First Class

ALL ABOUT THE GOOD LIFE

00:00 Weather 00:05 Later ­ with Jools Holland 01:10 Lone Star 03:20 Question Time 04:20 This Is BBC Two 07:15 Dangerous Mission 08:30 Great British Menu

This documentary reveals all about the show creat­ ed by Bob Larbey and John Esmonde, from the per­ ils of filming knee­deep in mud to the ultimate acco­ lade of performing live in front of the Queen at Television Centre. Contributors include stars Richard Briers and Penelope Keith, as well as Monty Don, Brian Sewell and John O'Farrell.

00:55 Access 01:05 SuperCasino 04:10 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Nick's Quest 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:35 LazyTown 11:00 Access 11:05 Police Interceptors 12:05 Classic Car Rescue 13:05 Attack on the Iron Coast 14:55 633 Squadron 16:45 Columbo: the Conspirators 18:45 Jesse Stone: Thin Ice 20:15 8 Seconds 21:05 NCIS 22:55 5 News Weekend 23:00 Live International Boxing

Sunday May 18 00:05 Meet the Parents

01:25 Mesrine: Killer Instinct

01:50 Norbit

03:10 This Is BBC Two

03:25 Weatherview

07:10 Affair with a Stranger

03:30 BBC News

08:35 Safari

07:00 Breakfast 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News

10:00 Gardeners' World 10:30 The Beechgrove Garden 11:00 Live Athletics 13:30 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 15:00 Inspire: The Olympic Journey

14:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 14:15 Countryfile 15:10 Flog It! 15:50 Escape to the Country 16:35 Points of View 16:50 Brazil with Michael Palin 17:50 Lifeline 18:00 Songs of Praise 18:35 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 19:35 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 British Academy Television Awards 23:05 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:30 Imagine

15:30 Live Gymnastics 17:30 Triathlon 19:00 Athletics 20:00 Australia with Simon Reeve 21:00 The Best of Top Gear 22:00 Dylan Thomas: A Poet in New York 23:20 Edge of Darkness

00:00 01:00 04:00 04:45 07:00 07:25 07:50 08:05 08:20 08:45 09:00 09:25 09:30 10:25 11:25 12:25 13:25 13:35 14:40 15:35 16:55 17:20 19:20 19:30 19:45 20:30 21:00 23:00

FA Cup Football Highlights Jackpot247 Dinner Date: Australia ITV Nightscreen Dino Dan Matt Hatter Chronicles Canimals Sooty Digimon Fusion Horrid Henry Big Time Rush ITV News Weekend May the Best House Win Murder, She Wrote Love Your Garden ITV News and Weather Big Star's Little Star The Chase Britain's Got Talent You've Been Framed!

Midsomer Murders ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Catchphrase Off Their Rockers Vera Perspectives

THE BRITISH ACADEMY TELEVISION AWARDS Graham Norton hosts the annual ceremony cele­ brating the best of British TV, held at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane in London.

00:35 Top Gun 02:35 Brazil 05:00 Hollyoaks 07:15 British F3 International Series 07:40 How I Met Your Mother 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 Secret Eaters 14:35 The Big Bang Theory 15:35 The Simpsons 16:30 Tooth Fairy 18:35 Deal or No Deal 19:30 Channel 4 News 20:00 Four Rooms 21:00 For the Love of Cars 22:00 Fargo 23:05 The Wolfman

01:15 SuperCasino 04:15 DIY Dummies 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:40 City of Friends 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:20 Mio Mao 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:35 LazyTown 11:00 Power Rangers Super Samurai 11:35 Power Rangers Megaforce 12:10 Cowboy Builders 13:10 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 14:10 CutThroat Island 16:35 Around the World in 80 Days 18:50 5 News Weekend 18:55 Ace Ventura: Pet Detective 20:35 X2 23:00 21 Jump Street

40

Monday May 19 01:15 City of Men 02:55 Weatherview 03:00 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Call the Council 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 DIY SOS 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Have I Got a Bit More News for You 19/05 01:05 BBC2 01:05 Sus 02:35 Catch a Fire 04:10 Countryfile 05:05 Holby City 06:05 This Is BBC Two

07:20 Homes Under the Hammer 08:20 Caught Red Handed 08:50 First Time on the Front Line 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 The Planners 11:05 Real Lives Reunited 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Instant Restaurant 14:45 One Man and His Campervan 15:15 The Pallisers 16:05 Coast 16:45 Great British Garden Revival 17:45 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 18:15 Flog It! 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 22:00 The Battle to Beat Polio 23:00 The Culture Show 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:14 ITV Meridian Weather 00:15 Premiership Rugby Union 01:15 The Store 03:45 Motorsport UK 04:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:20 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Gino's Italian Escape 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 It'll Be Alright on the Night 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Benidorm

01:05 Dorian Gray 02:55 Southland 03:40 Utopia 04:50 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 05:45 Four Rooms 06:40 SuperScrimpers 06:50 Deal or No Deal 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 French Collection 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Britain's Most Extreme Weather 22:00 The Island with Bear Grylls 23:00 Man vs Weird

PANORAMA As expert witnesses give evidence in court they are supposed to act in the interests of justice and not just help their clients. Daniel Foggo presents an undercover investigation suggesting some experts in the fields of handwriting, CCTV analysis and ani­ mal behaviour have been prepared to hide the truth, in breach of their professional obligations.

01:15 Police Interceptors 02:10 SuperCasino 04:10 Classic Car Rescue 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Mio Mao 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Police Interceptors 13:40 Cowboy Builders 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Taken Back: Finding Haley 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 Classic Car Rescue 21:00 DIY Dummies 22:00 D­Day's Sunken Secrets 23:35 Valkyrie

Tuesday May 20 00:20 The Guess List 01:00 The Graham Norton Show 01:45 Weatherview 01:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Call the Council 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 The One Show 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 22:00 Happy Valley 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Imagine 20/05 00:20 BBC2 00:20 The Story of Women and Art 01:20 Under Offer: Estate Agents on the Job 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools: I Never Said Yes 05:50 Growing Up Poor 06:00 Schools: Virtually There ­ Spain 06:30 Schools ­ You Too Can Be an Absolute Genius

07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Caught Red Handed 08:35 Call the Council 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Watchdog 11:05 Real Lives Reunited 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Gardening 14:05 The Super League Show 14:45 One Man and His Campervan 15:15 The Pallisers 16:05 Coast 16:45 Great British Garden Revival 17:45 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 18:15 Flog It! 18:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 22:00 Watermen: A Dirty Business 23:00 Later Live ­ with Jools Holland 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Joanna Lumley's Greek Odyssey 01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:25 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 21:00 Endeavour 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Cube

ENDEAVOUR When a respectable GP is found dead in a public lavatory, the young Inspector Morse's outlandish theories see him relegated to general duties by the newly arrived Chief Superintendent Bright.

Humiliated and humbled, Endeavour has to inves­ tigate from the sidelines, but it's not long before he's questioning DI Fred Thursday's orders and risking his career to avert a family tragedy.

00:00 Gogglebox 01:00 Random Acts 01:05 Fargo 02:00 Scandal 02:45 Southcliffe 03:40 Mr Drew's School for Boys 04:35 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 05:30 Four Rooms 06:25 SuperScrimpers 06:50 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 07:00 Countdown 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 French Collection 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 22:00 Mr Drew's School for Boys 23:00 16 Kids and Counting

01:45 42 Ways to Kill Hitler 02:45 SuperCasino 04:05 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 04:55 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Nick's Quest 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Mio Mao 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Classic Car Rescue 13:40 Cowboy Builders 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Honeymoon for One 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 19:55 Party Election Broadcast for the European Parliament 20:00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 21:00 Ben Fogle's Animal Clinic 22:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 23:00 The Mentalist

41

Wednesday May 21 00:40 Jindabyne 02:40 Weatherview 02:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Call the Council 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 Del Boys & Dealers 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Quite Remarkable David Coleman 21/05 00:20 BBC2 00:20 Thalidomide ­ The Fifty Year Fight 01:20 Ian Hislop's Olden Days ­ The Power of the Past in Britain 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Making Art Work: First Idea to Final Piece 06:00 Schools: Your Paintings

07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Caught Red Handed 08:30 Call the Council 09:15 Countryside 999 10:00 Antiques Roadshow 11:00 Bang Goes the Theory 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 Instant Restaurant 14:45 One Man and His Campervan 15:15 The Pallisers 16:05 Coast 16:45 Great British Garden Revival 17:45 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 22:10 Coast Australia 23:00 Episodes 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Wild Britain with Ray Mears 01:00 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Coronation Street 20:30 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 23:15 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:45 ITV News Meridian 23:50 Hot Fuzz

00:05 Coppers 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Poker 02:05 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:30 Trans World Sport 03:30 British F3 International Series 03:55 FIM Superbike World Championship 04:25 Four Rooms 05:20 SuperScrimpers 05:45 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 French Collection 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Supervet 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 Derek 23:30 Cardinal Burns

DEL BOYS & DEALERS Documentary following the real­life wheeler­deal­ ers who scour auction houses, car­boot sales and junk shops, dreaming of finding that pre­ cious item that will one day transform them into millionaires.

00:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 00:55 Cricket 2014 02:00 Access 02:05 SuperCasino 04:05 Minute by Minute 04:55 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Nick's Quest 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Mio Mao 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Police Interceptors 13:40 Cowboy Builders 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Out of Control 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 21:00 Minute by Minute 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Jack Taylor

Thursday May 22 00:35 A Question of Sport 01:15 Weatherview 01:20 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Call the Council 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 From There to Here 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time 22/05 00:20 BBC2 00:20 Watermen: A Dirty Business 01:20 See Hear 01:50 The Birth of Empire: The East India Company 02:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ Welcome to the World 05:30 Schools ­ The Alchemist's Apprentices 06:00 Ancient Egypt: Life and Death in the Valley of the Kings 06:35 Schools ­ In My Shoes Plus: Germany

06:55 Schools ­ Wonders of Nature: Knots ­ Flocking 06:55 Wonders of Nature: Garden Life ­ Wildlife Around Us 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Caught Red Handed 08:35 Call the Council 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Natural World 11:05 Gardeners' World 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Instant Restaurant 14:45 Lifeline 14:55 The A to Z of TV Gardening 15:15 The Pallisers 16:05 Coast 16:45 Great British Garden Revival 17:45 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 22:00 Horizon 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

02:00 Jackpot247 04:00 Idlewild 06:00 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 It'll Be Alright on the Night

FROM THERE TO HERE New series. Philip Glenister stars in this drama about a man whose life changes for ever after he is caught up in the 1996 IRA bomb blast that rocked Manchester. Escaping serious injury, Daniel comes to the rescue of a single mother and helps her home, realising she lives in the working­class neigh­ bourhood where he grew up, before he was adopted and went on to live a more charmed life. Now he has it all ­ wife, kids, his own business ­ but he is feeling restless after his near­death experience.

00:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:00 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:45 Random Acts 01:50 Saanghuro 03:35 The Spy in Black 05:00 Four Rooms 05:55 Deal or No Deal 06:50 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures 07:00 Countdown 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 French Collection 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Posh Pawn 22:00 Heston's Great British Food 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 23:55 The Island with Bear Grylls

00:50 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:45 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:10 SuperCasino 04:05 Cowboy Builders 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Mio Mao 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Police Interceptors 13:40 Cowboy Builders 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Concrete Canyons 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Cowboy Builders 22:00 Trauma Doctors 23:00 Person of Interest

42

Friday, May 16, 2014

AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

one wanting their own busi­ ness, for more comprehen­ sive information contact Glen on 606926437 (164)

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

BLINDS BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES BUSINESS OPPORTUNI­ TY, two clothing shops for sale either as a pair or sep­ arate, both trading, sold fully equipped and stocked, a great opportunity for some­

CATERING

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and Worship. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any Church background or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com 968575417 or 966848806.

Easter Services, Good Friday at 11 am with Holy Communion, and Easter Sunday at 11 am.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

The rainbow centre for spiri­ tual awareness. We meet in the function room at Sacos bar el Liminar just off the CV 905 Rojales Torrevieja road.

We have a divine service every Sunday at 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoyance at 7.30 pm. Also there is an open circle held every wed evening at 5.30 pm for any­ one interested in clairvoy­ ance. Healing is available by trained and certified healers after each meeting a warm welcome to friends old and new. The mediums for May 2014 are Sunday 4th Jacqueline Holland hunt.

Wed 7th David Darnbourgh.

Sunday 11th Ray Bailey Wed 14th Debie Blevins.

Sunday 18th Morag Bullock Wed 21st Morag Bullock.

Sunday 25th Anna Marie Wed 28th Jimmy McArthur

CARS FOR SALE Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­ prehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

PERSONAL SALMA, 29, PASSIONATED MASSEUSSE. LOTS of FANTASIES .LA ZENIA, OPPOSITTE ZENIA BOULEVARD 15. TURQUE­ SA St Behind MERCADONA S BACK Gate.www.sensual­ spain.net 656 314 941

BARBER

ALARMS

MATURE PASSIONATED WOMAN 40, GENEROUS and CARING BUSTY .TURQUESA St Behind MERCADONA s BACK Gate opposite NEW white houses www.sensualspain.net 656 314 941 KAREN! NEW in. LA ZENIA BEAUTIFUL BODY? Biggest breast, biggest bot­ tom NICE figure.....Close to Consum supermarket HOUSE 77 www.sensual­ spain.net 627 203 147

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Santiago de la Ribera 2 bed­ room townhouse close to beach and shops with com­ munal pool €350 monthly short or long term lease Call 0044 7890996330 ­ 968570645 (162) Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­ ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all

CARPENTER

amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Molino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb commu­ nal pool area, in within walk­ ing distance of bars, restau­ rants and shops. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals.

Call us on 96 692 3963

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS

43

Friday, May 16, 2014

PROPERTY FOR SALE Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bath­ room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Rare opportunity to pur­ chase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Lovely Corner property in

Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­ munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref: 78, €110,000. Three

CAR BREAKERS

bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­ by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­ munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popu­ lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3

Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.

Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81.

DIAGNOSTICS

DRAINAGE

€258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom, Unfurnished Mid Terraced Townhouse in GA. Recently decorated throughout means this property is a very clean black canvass.

Has Air­Con & Security Grills and the use of a Communal Pool. Price recently reduced to 110.000e Ref.K12 Tel. 627711155 Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­

bished apartment in a good central location.

Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Reduced for a quick sale to 95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bath­ room, Top Floor Duplex in Gran Alacant. Very Modern Property with Many extras.

Glazed in Porch, Roof Top Solarium, Wooden Flooring.

Immaculate condition and ready to move in. Ref. K15 Tel. 627711155.

PETS

GARDENER

44

Friday, May 16, 2014

Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appli­ ances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter­ race, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten­ nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul­de­sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gar­

dens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,pri­ vate parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155 Ref: 516, €23,950. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive

RAG AND BONE

PLUMBERS

POOLS

POOL TABLES

something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155 Offers Invited on a mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner, Galleria, Solarium, Under build.

Communal Pool and Gardens, and with Exceptional Views of Alicante. Being Sold Fully Furnished including White Goods. Ref. K42 Tel. 627711155 (reasonable offers only) Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge­diner, independent kitchen, full roof­top solari­ um with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views.

Situated at the end of a small cul­de­sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and stor­ age in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of out­ side parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day,

RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL needs motivated sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a bonus but not essential.

Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainterna­ tional.com OP Group Spain are seek­ ing 2 enthusiastic people to join their expanding team.

Position 1 is for an experi­ enced office administrator at their La Finca Golf office.

Position 2 is for an experi­ enced sales negotiator for their La Marina office. The ideal candidates will speak English and at least one other language and will have good knowledge of the local real estate market.

Both positions are full time with contracts and competi­ tive rates of pay. Please send your CV’s into Stuart on stuart.markham @opgroupspain.com or call 966729653 Situations Vacant. Top Chef Required for The Med Bistro Bar, Guardamar. Excellent package and incentives. Tel. 0044 7917 1658 65 or email: andysteve@aol.com (168) English / Russian translator

REMOVALS

WINDOW CLEANER

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT

required by book publisher.

Call 618 715 998 for more info.

SITUATIONS WANTED Gardening, property mainte­ nance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your prob­ lems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

SURVEYOR

VAN HIRE

WANTED

Friday, May 16, 2014

Greenside Gossip

45

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

R & A UP THE CREEK WITH NO DAWSON Golf’s top boss is to put his feet up with the news that Peter Dawson is to retire as chief executive of the R&A and secretary of the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews. He will step down in September 2015 after 16 years leading the body which organises the Open Championship and governs the sport worldwide in con­ junction with the United States Golf Association.

Having succeeded Sir Michael Bonallack as secre­ tary of the Royal and Ancient Golf Club in 1999, he took over in an important period in the club's history. In 2004, the same year that the club cele­ brated its 250th anniversary, the private members' club formed a separate group of companies to run the Open and conduct its governance responsibilities. This evolution enabled the R&A to focus on its governance role, running successful championships and supporting the growth of the game around the world and the club to concentrate on catering for the needs of its more than 2,000 members.

By the time of his retirement, Dawson may have overseen the admittance of women members of the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews for the first time, 260 years after it was founded. Dawson said the club believes it has "strong support" for a vote this September 18th to allow women members, although he insisted the move was not intended to place pressure on male­only clubs which are currently on the rota of Open Championship venues.

He was keen to play down his personal role in the move, adding: "We don't do personal stuff at the R&A. I think the general committee had a very full discussion about it on sev­ eral occasions and obviously as secretary I am party to these discussions and prepare papers for it and so on. But I wouldn't say my role was pivotal. I am more than happy with the decision."

Dawson became the joint secretary of the International Golf Federation in 1999 and was a key figure in securing golf's return to the Olympic Games in Rio in 2016. He was appoint­ ed president of the IGF in 2010 and the IGF board has extended his term of office to 2016. An appointment is expected to be made in sufficient time to allow for an appro­ priate handover period in 2015

HE WILL BE A HARD ACT TO FOLLOW

It is as well that the R&A have so long to find a replacement for Peter Dawson, as there are many in the game that have

loads of good things to say about him.

Lee Westwood said he is going to be a tough act to follow; he has got the respect of golfers all over the world and his IMG stablemate and the winner of the Claret Jug at Royal St Georges in July 2011 Darren Clarke spoke of Peter Dawson’s “air of calm authority “and added to the greatest afternoon of his golfing life, everything that Peter does is meticulous.

It was during the weekend of the 2003 Open at Royal St Georges, that Peter Dawson walked a few holes with a dis­ orientated young American who was setting off on his first practice round in his first Open. At this point his was less interested in where his shots were going as he was why the people in the UK drive on a different side of the road. The person in question was Ben Curtis who went on to win the Championship from the likes of Thomas Bjorn, Vijay Singh, Davis Love III and Tiger Woods. That is the thing with Peter Dawson unlike most of those in authority he does not latch onto the famous. When it is a R&A event, everyone is wel­ come players, spectators, volunteers the lot.

Louis Oosthuizen when paying tribute to the Chief Executive opted for his efficiency “when under the spotlight”.

Johnnie Cole­Hamilton, the R&A’s executive director of championships agreed with the South Africans observations and promptly quoted the 2008 Open at Birkdale.

Balls were oscillating on the green and there was more and more talk around the course about stopping play remembers Cole­Hamilton. “Peter though made a brave decision to keep everyone out there and he was right. He did not act in haste; instead he did what he always does and listen to what peo­ ple say and look with his own eyes: Peter Dawson always comes across as the right blend of old and new school for his R&A position. Regarding the old­ school touches, it was at the 2011 Amateur at Hillside that he drew attention to how the manners of some of the UK players left much to be desired.

Now, he might agree that e­mails would suffice. Then, he was adamant that the competitors should make the effort to pen a few thank you notes.

“Continental players are much better at this than we are” he said. “It can make so much difference if they show gratitude.

That kind of courtesy can work wonders in terms of helping

TITTER ON THE TEE Tarquin the divvy son of the Lord of the manor comes across a gorgeous naked girl in the forest with her legs spread wide open.

Not believing his luck he approaches her and asks if she is game.

The girl replies; Yes, so he shoots her.

to retain venues”.

On a not too different tack, Dawson has always had plen­ ty of respect for committees.

With regard to the former, Nick Pee, Chairman of Hoylake’s Championship Committee, noted the healthy relationship his Club enjoyed with Peter Dawson in 2006 and are experiencing again in the run up to this year’s Open.

Peter likes to keep up a dia­ logue with the members; he looks with a golfer’s eye and in this case it’s a sympathetic eye, after all he has been a 1 handicap player.

The R&A want a course set up in a certain way but they make no attempt to have every venue looking the same; they allow each club to stick with its own unique features.

Back at the R&A, Dawson has inevitably attributed the land­ mark vote concerning whether the club should admit women members to his committee. Yet there is no question he has been the guiding light through all this, as indeed applies in so much else. For years, he made a very good if sometimes irritable fist of defending the R&A’s stance as a single­sex club. Then when he felt this was no longer tenable he said so.

For sure his successor would not have welcomed a barrage of questions from the media about the R&A’s make only pol­ icy prior to the 2016 Olympics in which their governance wing is so intricately involved. Asked if his wife Juliet had been pleased with the potential developments, Dawson answered in the affirmative. That said he added a wry, “not half as pleased as my daughter!”

Laura Davies, former US Women’s Open Champion, will tell you that Peter Dawson has always reached out to women.

She went onto to say that they have played a couple of Ricoh British Open’s at St Andrews and have always been given the run of the R&A with Peter taking a keen interest in the championship. Although it is the LGU who arrange the rota for the Women’s Open, Peter’s influence has obviously helped with the situation that nowadays the ladies have the same great courses as the men

KNOW YOUR RULES Question: I hit my ball down the middle of the fairway and I am sure it was a good shot but cannot find my ball. Am I allowed to drop the ball without penalty where I think it came to rest?

A. No. If the ball cannot be found, the player must proceed under Rule 27­1, incurring the stroke­and­distance penalty.

B. Yes. But with one stroke penalty.

C. Yes. Drop a ball where you think it came to rest without penalty.

Answer: A. Under the penalty of one stroke the player must play the ball as near as possible to the spot from which the original ball was last played. Rule 27­1.

46

Friday, May 16, 2014

ELCHE SAFE AS BARCA SET UP SHOWDOWN A battling home point against La Liga holders Barcelona secured top grade football for Elche for next season, whilst the visitors have set up a “winner­takes all” show­ down with Atletico Madrid at the Nou Camp next Sunday. Atletico lead Barca by three points but victory for Barca would give them their 23rd Liga crown on a head­to­head record, having drawn with Atletico earlier in the sea­ son. For Elche, they can enjoy a trip to Sevilla knowing that they are safe, having confounded some predictions that would last only one sea­ son in the top flight.

Barca created a number of chances, but Elche’s

defence was well drilled and not for the first time in the season, Manu Herrerra was in top form in goal. Elche’s best chance came in the 2nd half with a dipping strike from Garry Rodrigues just going over the bar, and a few minutes later, the Barca keeper Pinto miscued a clearance and raced out of his area to mop up the danger, even dribbling past one forward before finally get­ ting a pass away. As the clock ticked down, Barca launched a wave of des­ perate attacks but each one broke down, and Elche were left happy with a job well done, whilst the champions have a mas­ sive match to look forward to next Sunday.

ELCHE 0 BARCELONA 0

Real worry ahead of Lisbon CELTA VIGO 2 REAL MADRID 0

Monte’s poor finish RC SAN MIGUEL 3 CD MONTESINOS 1 Despite missing 4 key players, little excuse could be offered for this poor Saturday evening display by Montesinos who ended the season on a disappointing note. San Miguel took the lead on the quar­ ter­hour mark, with only Omar upfront, Monte offered little in the way of forward moves, though Marcos levelled things up from the penalty spot. The home side though

played the better football, and thoroughly deserved to get their second to take them in 2­1 ahead at half­time. San Miguel totally dominated the 2nd half, despite Monte coach Juanpe making a couple of changes at the interval, and they went further behind despite a brilliant save from Christian which saw the ball hammered home from the rebound.

A bang and whimper FC TORREVIEJA 1 CD CASTELLON 4

Celta Vigo ended any lingering hopes Real Madrid had of Primera Division glory by claiming a 2­0 victory over Carlo Ancelotti's men at the Estadio Balaidos. The capital club needed a remarkable set of results to go in their favour to take the title, although rivals Atletico Madrid and Barcelona's failure to win on Sunday night gave them a superb opportunity to catapult themselves back into contention following draws in their last two fixtures.

But instead Celta claimed their third win on the bounce, Brazilian forward Charles (pictured) capitalising on two errors from

Real to bag a brace and leave the visitors five points behind leaders Atletico with just one match remaining. Perhaps more worry­ ingly, Real are stuttering at the worst possi­ ble time. With the league gone, the Copa del Rey winners play Atletico in the Champions League final on May 24 and, should they fail to defeat Espanyol next time out, they will go into the game in Lisbon on the back of four games without a win. Cristiano Ronaldo was absent due to injury, while Gareth Bale was an unused substitute for Los Blancos, who were lacking a creative spark during the match.

BOIX AT THE DOUBLE

The FC Torrevieja International Supporters Club, The Torry Army, made a couple of presentations before the last match of the season against Castellon, with the supporters' President, Arthur Leithers handing over a special award to club president, Vicente Boix. And it was a Boix double, as his son Vicente picked up the Torry Army player of the season trophy.

Torrevieja’s last match of the season saw them finishing the season on a losing note, in a match soured by referee López Herrero who seemed determined to wave yellow and red cards around in a cavalier fashion.

Valdeolivas was shown two yellow cards after fouling Omar in the penalty area, with presumably the 2nd one for dissent, with the fuming player having to be helped off the pitch by his team­mates. Salamanca con­ verted the spot kick, though Carrasco should have levelled things up with a header soon afterwards. Omar though made it two for the visitors through a free kick before the inter­ val, which then saw Salamanca sent­off for no obvious reason as the players left the

pitch!

Burguillas was sent off in the 2nd half for a second yellow card, and Torry were down to 9 men, but Micro reduced the deficit in the 61st minute, though the recovery was a false dawn as the visitors struck twice more to secure the victory.

Torry now start to prepare for 2014/15 with a trip to the Federation headquarters in Valencia to ratify the new name for the club ­ CD Torrevieja. This was the name estab­ lished for the club at it's inception in 1993.

Work is also underway to retain key players from this season and the commercial side of the business also kicks in with finding spon­ sors for next season.

47

Friday, May 16, 2014

ALF’S EPITAPH - WIN IT AGAIN! Sir Alf Ramsey once famously said: ‘You’ve won it once – now go and win it again!’ The trouble is – we English have always believed we can ‘win it again’.

The occasion dear old Alf ordered his loyal lads to win it again was at Wembley in 1966, after 90 minutes in the World Cup Final against Germany. After going a (flukey) goal down, England had magnificently fought back, Dunkirk spirit style to nobly lead 2 ­1, only for the Krauts to cruelly equalise in the final minutes – flukily, of course. Then in extra time Geoff Hurst scored ‘that goal’ (yes, it was Franz), and the West Ham striker then heroically hauled himself into immor­ tality with England’s fourth and his own unique hat­trick.

They thought it was all over – and it was then ­ and by win­ ning the World Cup Alf saddled all us red­blooded lads and lasses with the belief that England could and would win the World Cup ­ again. It’s just that – it’s 2014 and we haven’t done it for 48 years­ yet (sounds of smug Celtic and Teutonic laughter).

If you’ve been patriotically supporting England as long as I have you’ve seen it all before: seemingly a million false dawns from Keegan to Hoddle to Lineker to Gazza to Beckham and lately Rooney. ‘Bin there, sweated, sworn, and sadly shut out again as once more England crashed out. So what are the odds this time of an England victory?

‘We’ came through a difficult group to get to Brazil, and several new stars emerged, like Andre Townsend of Spurs – who’s injured now, of course ­ which painful point brings me not nicely to Jack Wilshere and Alex Oxlade­ Chamberlain. Why, oh why are these two Arsenal stars included in the party for Brazil, when they can’t even regularly claim a place in their own club side due to their dodgy fitness – which has been a feature of their sorry season? So why do ‘certain’ people think the two will suddenly improve, compete and stay

superbly fit for the arduous campaign? Similarly suffering is Phil Jones, a club and country question mark of a ‘where’s­his­best­position’ player from confused.com Man United. Get reserve new boy John Stones on the plane, I say: Jones is young enough at 22 to come again, by then hopefully happily set­ tled in whatever position he is best.

If you believe as I do that a representative team plays better with good players who know each other’s game inside out, rather than talent­ ed individuals put together from a number of different teams, then Roy Hodgson has the answer already. Newcomers like Liverpool’s Raheem Sterling and fellow midfielder Jordan Henderson are both included together with regular teammates Glen Johnson, Daniel Sturridge and captain Steven Gerrard (and Liverpool’s 21 year old full back Jon Flanagan is also a reserve) ­ meaning technically the Prem’s success­ ful second­placed team could supply almost half the nation’s side, six if you include Flanagan. Blend in the Saints trio of Adam Lallana, Luke Shaw and Ricky Lambert plus United’s Rooney and Welbeck and we’re easily there, with footballers who regularly play togeth­ er. Put into the mix Everton’s Ross Barkley, with John Stones alongside Leighton Baines and Phil Jagielka and you have real competitive conti­ nuity from successful clubs, featur­ ing form, fitness and fellow players from the best of British football.

‘You’ll never win anything with kids’ is a well­worn cliché that certain dour (Scottish) pundits have lived to regret opining. Just for once, it seems our home country has a first­class opportu­ nity to take classy English youth onto the World Cup stage to strut our stuff.

Even if we don’t progress to the latter stages the group stages alone will pro­ vide unmissable experience to build on

Torrevieja’s girl swimmers were in top form in last Saturday’s races in the Municipal Pool at San Vincente del Raspieg. Paula Garcia won trophies in both of her races with gold in the 100 m freestyle event and silver in the 100m backstroke event (11­12yrs). Other members of the team gained excellent new times which stand them in good order for next year’s competitions.

Best friends, Piroska Rideg and Zoe Connolly, raced side

by side in both the 100m backstroke and 100m butterfly events. Piroska , a year older than Zoe controlled the race with an excellent swim in both races winning 1st place in the 100m butterfly and silver in the 100m backstroke. Zoe fol­ lowed her friend with a silver in the 100m butterfly and 5th in the backstroke race. The team will be back in action this weekend with a “time control” event at Torrevieja’s municipal pool.

for the nation’s future. The Magnificent Seven: Baines, Stones, Shaw, Sterling, Henderson, Lallana and Barkley represent the cream of English football today, and given the priceless opportunity of bonding together in Brazil, will pro­ vide a sound basis to build on: exciting, eh? See, it’s a dod­ dle this national team management business.

In conclusion, you can see how easy it is just to talk it up, to be whipped up, once again by patriotic enthusiasm and fervour – just like I have – once again. It’s a bit like Eurovision, but only comes round every four years, but a team of transvestites won’t win it as Austria didn’t qualify.

Next week we’ll look at the opposition, and which nationali­ ties are likely to prevent our England from achieving Alf’s ambitious aims – to win it again – and shurrup sniggering, you Jocks and Huns!

ALAN DAVIES REMEMBERED

GIRL POWER RULES

Elche Rugby Club is host­ ing a special memorial Sevens tournament this weekend in memory of the former popular coach, Alan Davies, who mentored many top Welsh players including Shane Williams, as well as making a major impression

on the Costa Blanca rugby scene . There are 8 teams taking part in the men’s com­ petition, including 2 from Wales, and 4 in the ladies event. The tournament starts this Saturday morning(May 17th) at the Elche Rugby ground at 9.30am.

48

Friday, May 9, 2014

CITY SLICKERS WIN IT IN STYLE! END OF SEASON REPORT SHOWS JUST WHY MAN CITY ARE CHAMPIONS

Always playing catch up through­ out the long winter season, Manchester City finally won the 2013­4 Premier League, clearly, fair­ ly and honestly, scoring an amaz­ ing, exciting 102 goals in 38 match­ es in the process. For the anoraks, that’s 2.7 per game, serious stats to keep Blues fans warm and excited on cold winter nights. Towering per­ formances came from City’s big guns really needed: Yaya Toure, captain Vincent Kompany, David Silva, Samir Nasri, Pablo Zabaleta, and second­choice but super sub Edin Dzeko winning it in the final key games for City with some super strikes.

After being dropped, England’s number one stopper Joe Hart worked hard, got his place and confidence back to pull off some key saves in the run in, boding well for England in Brazil. After some similarly heavy criticism, Martin Demichelis also did his defensive duties well to help bring the title back to the Etihad.

Manuel Pellegrini should be congratulated on winning the prestigious Premier title in his first season in the UK. True, he had the most expensive team with the most colossal wage bill, but when at last City hit the front in the final furlong the thoroughbreds galloped away with the prize, what a race!

It wasn’t to be in the end for Brendan Rodgers and his Liverpool Reds in the final analysis, but they learnt much and came oh­so­close to winning the Premier League: now captain courageous Steve Gerrard must put personal disappointments behind him to lead England, and several team mates out in the World Cup.

John McGregor reports

Reborn super Suarez was a revelation to everyone and deservedly won the Player of the Year: what a transfor­ mation, just hope it wears off by the time Uruguay play England. No mistake, Liverpool are back as a major force in British football, and Rodgers deservedly earned his award as Manager of the Year.

Wanted: prolific striker, must be able to score 30 goals per season. No time­wasters, has­beens or previous applicants need apply. Send CV to Stamford Bridge, marked for Mou…. Another disappointing also­ran sea­ son for Jose Mourinho following his final Real Madrid one. No one at the Bridge is happy now… and Chelsea stalwarts have come to expect more. Old guard out, new brooms in to sweep ‘em out? Poor old Ashley Cole’s out now, both for club and country; no­one could have predicted that one at the start – and Moudunnit.

Watch this Chelsea space for big Bridging loans and transfers.

Kill­or­cure cum Saturday for Arsenal against Hull (N.B. no Tigers allowed at Wembley, only Citizens of Hull).

Don’t forget kick­off is 6 pm Spanish time, yawn…. At the enduring Emirates, expectations have all evaporat­ ed down to the FA Cup final, despite Arsene’s Army leading the league for so long but trailing off when it mattered. On Saturday, Gunners must be fully primed, defeat is definitely not an option or homespun Hull could be Wenger’s Waterloo. At Goodison Park, Everton have had a blinding season under Roberto Martinez, morose Moyes a mere memory now. The Toffees’ new Gazza, Ross Barkley is rightly on the road to Rio with teammates Leighton Baines and Phil Jagielka, and pos­ sibly with his equally young­but­talented friend John Stones.

Sherwood’s short shelf life at Spurs has been curtailed

after only six months. Not much sympathy for no­ England­players Tottenham: gigantic gaffs over Garethgate; AVB awful, temporary Tim temperamental ­ where do Spurs sally on from here? Oo’s coming nah?

Dunno, mate.

United we stand? Well, now we have a real test of the Manchester United ethos and spirit: great when the going was good under granite gaffer Fergie ­ but getting it Moyesily wrong again is not an option at double­ Glazed Old Trafford. Big man needed, big shoes. Will Louis’ large ones fit? Interesting ­ very interesting!

England salutes Southampton for their academy of domestic excellence which has produced the exciting young homespun talent of Adam Lallana and Luke Shaw. More thrusting new young Englanders are in the pipeline, plus the Home Country has the strapping strik­ er Ricky Lambert to help with England’s forward duties in Brazil. Great Saints finish in eighth place with 56 points plus pulsating potential – but will Pochettino stay for next year?

Unbelievably Stoke were a revelation as Mark Hughes attracted adverse afters when he took over the Potters position, post Pulis. Even oddball Peter Odemwingie seems to have found his niche at last, and Sparkie’s stars enjoyed a great season to finish an unlikely ninth.

Why aye, man. A more unpopular manager than Alan Pardew is hard to find. At Newcastle the African contin­ gent and the French Foreign Legion make the Magpies a strange cosmopolitan outfit that no­one can under­ stand or predict, Pardew included, who appears to be sticking to his eight year contract. Just where the Toon Army go from here is anyone’s guess.

The second half of my End of Term Report will be in next week’s Courier.