Week 170

Edition 170

www.thecourier.es

Friday, May 23, 2014

DRIED OUT DROUGHT CAUSES CROP CHAOS

By ALEX TRELINSKI Parts of Alicante Province are amongst Spain’s worst affect­ ed drought­spots in the most intense dry spell seen in Spain since 1864.

The last eight months have been brutally dry for large swathes of south­ ern and eastern Spain, including the Costa Blanca. While huge storms buf­ feted Spain's Atlantic coasts and the Canary Islands during the winter and spring. Alicante Province and Murcia have been starved of rain, with nothing of any serious consequence since a surprise early “Gota Fria” towards the end of last August.

In the last 150 years, there has never been "such a long and intense drought", according to the country's meteorological agency Aemet. Indeed there are parts of the country where

during "the second worst period of drought on record there was twice as much rain as now", according to mete­ orologist José Antonio Maldonado.

The uneven rain distribution means there are parts of the country where there’s plenty of water, notably in the west, whilst the fall levels have been inconsequential in the east including the Costa Blanca and Murcia. Last Tuesday, the socialist PSOE opposition in the Murcia Parliament tried unsuc­ cessfully to push through a motion call­ ing for the national government in Madrid to approve a decree of drought for both livestock and crops. Their spokesman, Manuel Soler, said that feeding livestock has become more dif­ ficult and expensive with not enough grass for them to eat.

Rainfall levels in many areas have been less than half of those seen from 1971 to 2000, while some places have

seen less than 25% of those levels.

Most dams are still at somewhere between 74% and 90% of capacity thanks to rains from earlier years, but some farmers are already struggling to water their crops, or have gone out of business. Figures from Alicante Province in a new study suggest that direct losses from the current drought have amounted to over 74 million Euros, with fruit crops the worst affect­ ed followed by almonds, olives, as well as cereals. Honey production has also suffered due to bees dying because of poor quality flowers as a result of a lack of rain.

Spain is also facing an uncertain water future: a 2013 study by the Spanish National Research Council (CSIC) looking at the period from 1945 to 2005 found the country's droughts were becoming more intense and more regular.

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Friday, May 23, 2014

Are you a snapper? Do you have a great photo? Send it to design@thecourier.es and if we think it is good enough we will publish it as our Picture of the Week TELEPHONE

E­MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon ­ Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Alex Trelinski CONSULTANT EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Alan Tel 616 332 178 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor

Picture of the Week

96 692 1003 679 096 309

A low angle shot of the Palacio De La Musica in Torrevieja Photo by GARY GILLETTE

RECORD HASH STASH

Police have arrested four people, including two British citizens, as they bust­ ed a gang suspected of smuggling a record 110 kilos of marijuana buds and other drugs from southern Spain into the UK. The investigation was triggered in January when evidence emerged that an organisation was purchasing large quanti­ ties of hashish in Spain and transporting it

for sale in Britain. Investigators learned that the drugs were being acquired in Granada and Murcia, where traffickers vacuum­packed them and hid them in trucks bound for England.

Police said they arrested two Spaniards and two Britons as they transferred buds from Granada to Murcia. They raided a drug and equipment­filled house in hills near the towns of Abaran and Ricote

BELT OF BOTHER

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Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non­appearance of any advertisement, although all advertise­ ments produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re­publi­ cation will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertise­ ment. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

The body of a 53 year old tramp was found on a conveyor belt of an Elche recycling plant last Friday. The corpse was dis­ covered after a truck had picked up some garbage and taken it to the Baix Vinalopó Consortium plant in the Ferriol area of Elche. The contents were being separated as the tramp’s body popped up on the rolling conveyor belt, leading to a 46 year old worker having to be treated for shock by an ambulance before being transferred to the Elche General Hospital. It’s not sure how the tramp got into the truck’s contents in the first place with working theories that he might have suffered a heart attack or been drunk whilst sorting through some rubbish before he was swept up by the lorry. It’s not known whether he was already dead before he hit the recycling plant’s conveyor belt.

WRONG DIRECTION A 79 year old Spaniard was arrested last Saturday for driv­ ing the wrong way on the A91 in the Murcia region. Several drivers rang the police to warn them about the elderly van driver who was merrily proceeding on the incorrect carriage­ way between Puerto Lumbreras and Almeria. The Guardia Civil eventually pulled up the van with the motorist apparently oblivious to all the commotion. He was subsequently charged with reckless driving.

STUFF THE PUD

Almost a quarter of diners in Spain are skipping dessert and coffee when eating out, but it has nothing to do with cutting calories, but saving money. A further 35% of din­ ers are going for cheaper restaurants, according to marketing consultants Nielsen.

Another 40% admitted to sticking to the menu of the day, where they may have eaten ‘a la carte’ in the past.

An overwhelming 90%

claimed to be ‘hypersensi­ tive’ regarding the price of their meal out.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS! DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines?

What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap­

pier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

Friday Sunny High 24 Low 14° Chance of rain 0%

Saturday Sunny High 24° Low 16 ° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Partly cloudy High 23° Low 15° Chance of rain 25%

Media and Entertainment SL Monday Sunny High 25 Low 17° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Sunny High 24° Low 18° Chance of rain 0%

Wednesday Sunny High 27° Low 19° Chance of rain 0%

Thursday Sunny High 24° Low 17° Chance of rain 0%

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Friday, May 23, 2014

LONG STRETCH CALL Prosecutors have called for a 12 year jail sentence for a 26 year old woman who flung her newly­born baby boy down a drain in an Alicante building last June.

The incident in Alicante’s Virgen del Carmen incident was reported internationally, with a neighbour hearing the sobbing baby some two days after the mother had dumped the child. The so­called “mir­ acle baby” was rescued and was found to be well after the ordeal.

RYANAIR’S WINTER CUTS

UNSAVORY GANG “BLACK” CROOKS

DENIED

A Torrevieja­based Lithuanian couple have been arrested in a major Guardia Civil operation to stop the transportation of drugs from Spain to Lithuania. 17 people have been apprehended in Operation Savory which was launched to smash the drug trafficking and money laundering gang.

The Guardia were tipped off last August about the ring­ leading Lithuanian couple in Torrevieja that were running a business moving drugs to their native country which were hidden in false suitcase bottoms. The female established the transport of the marijuana via illegal parcel delivery compa­ nies, whilst her partner organised the purchase of the drugs, and their sale and distribution once they got to Lithuania.

6 of the arrested gang members were Lithuanians, with residents of San Javier and San Pedro del Pinatar amongst those brought in by the Guardia. 2 house searches were car­ ried out in Los Alcazares, 3 in Torrevieja, and 1 on the Orihuela Costa. Ciudad Real and Albacete were also the scenes of arrests and raids. During the house raids, the Guardia seized 19 vehicles, in addition to guns, ammunition, GPS equipment, and computers in addition to drug parapher­ nalia.

ON THE BLACK

Low cost carrier Ryanair say they are planning to slash flights once again during the winter season in and out of Alicante­Elche airport. The airline says they will focus on their UK services, as well as maintaining links to Paris and Brussels, but their Polish flights will be cut between October 2014 and April 2015.

There’ll be an overall 40% cut in operations during the win­ ter, with 26 routes running as opposed to the summer quota of 26. The company says they will be increasing the number of flights to Britain compared to last winter, but slashing back on less profitable routes notably to Ireland and Poland.

In a retort to the Spanish authorities, Luis Fernández­ Mellado, Ryanair’s commercial director in Spain, said that the reason for the reductions was that the company still viewed the Costa Blanca as a seasonal destination, and despite tax reductions, it was much cheaper to run services to Italy and Greece. He added that the costs of operating out of Alicante­Elche were far higher and double the rates com­ pared to many other European airports.

SANDY LOG ON

San Pedro del Pinatar’s Villananitos doesn’t just have a high­quality blue flag award to boast about, but it’s set to become the first beach in the Murcia region to have free wi­ fi access from this summer. San Pedro’s Constitution Square will also have the new facility that has been fixed up by the council and TV Horadada Mar Menor.

FAIR ENOUGH

Torrevieja’s 26th May Fair drew to a close last Sunday after 4 days of spectacular entertainment led by horse dis­ plays, flamenco competitions, and the vocal talents of local choirs. There was a general consensus that more people had attended the various festivities compared to previous years.

Spain's illegal black economy is worth a staggering 24.6% of its gross domestic product and the country needs to pump far more resources into its rickety tax collection regime, according to the Gestha tax office union. They claim that Spain is a world leader in fraud with around 253 billion Euros in illegal money floating around in the country's economy in 2013, with the figure rising by 50 billion Euros since the coun­ try's crisis kicked in in 2008.

Critically, Gestha also argues that Spain is chronically short­staffed when it comes to fighting tax evasion. "In Europe nobody understands that Spain's tax office results" are hampered by a political regime that "doesn't give powers or responsibility" to qualified staff, the union added.

KEEP THEM PEELED

An eagle­eyed British holiday maker who had his hire car stolen, whilst staying in an Orihuela Costa hotel, finished his holiday on a high note when he helped the local police to identify the two Algerian robbers. The men had stolen a cou­ ple of hire cars in the area with the tourist identifying them from various mug­shots that the police were showing to peo­ ple in the hotel. The following day, cops spotted the men in the stolen car and arrested them, and found the Brit’s docu­ ments still in it.

Spain’s interior ministry has denied running racist posters in a new home safety campaign which on first glance appear to show three black thieves. The brightly­coloured poster for the campaign to prevent home burglaries is a twist on the tra­ ditional image of the Three Kings, who traditionally bring gifts to children in Spain in early January It features the three figures riding atop a single camel while the accompanying text reads "They are coming to your house, but not with gifts." The 'black faces' of the wise men have, however, come under fire from the opposition socialist PSOE party.

“Coincidentally, all of the figures look black, which make you think that criminals clearly belong to the same race," a PSOE spokesperson said.

But the interior ministry has rubbished the criticism. The image doesn't show the "Three Kings with black skin but three criminals in balaclavas that could pass themselves off as the Three Wise Men to try and rob people's homes," the government said.

TORRY DRUG SWOOP

A Torrevieja­based drug gang, known as “The Tote” has been arrested for the 3rd time in the last 5 years. Guardia officers swooped to arrest 7 men and 2 women, all of whom are Spaniards, who are accused of selling and distributing drugs across the Vega Baja, after monitoring activity in a number of properties on Calle Gosálvez Clemente in the cen­ tre of Torrevieja. A wide range of drugs and associated equip­ ment were seized along with money.

LUCKY PLEADER A Los Alcazares man has taken a plea­bargain and accept­ ed a four year jail stretch for sexually abusing his 13 year old daughter back in 2008. The father pled guilty and accepted the deal on the table, as well as paying compensation of 15 thousand Euros and a distancing order which means that he cannot be within 500 metres of the woman when he is even­ tually released.

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Friday, May 23, 2014

UP YOUR NOSE Two Murcia hay fever sufferers have come up with a simple solution to any­ body who has a pollen allergy.

After trying a wide range of reme­ dies, they’ve come up with nasal filters which according to one of them, Arturo Alarcon, are com­ monplace in Asia, but not available in Spain. The couple saw a big gap in the Spanish market, but it took them two years to sign an exclusive deal with a Korean company called Nosk. It now means the fil­

ters can be bought in Spanish chemists, and recent studies suggest that they block 99% of pollen par­ ticles and 99.5% of dust par­ ticles.

TERRIFIC FIND

Archaeologists in the Valencia region have discovered 12 prehistoric rock paintings depicting hunting scenes from 7,000 years ago. Vilafranca council announced the findings on Tuesday, the first of its kind and importance for many years in the region. Although archaeologists are still search­ ing the area for more rock paintings, their work has already unveiled detailed depictions of prehistoric hunting; including bulls, goats and archers chasing them down. The site’s loca­ tion is being kept a secret until the necessary security pre­ cautions are in place.

FAST CAPITAL

LAST PUFF VE HAV VAYS

A patient in intensive care in a Cádiz hospital has died in a fire he caused by smoking in bed. The victim, 43, who was seriously ill and bedridden at the Virgen del Camino hospital in Sanlúcar de Barrameda had been caught smoking before by nurses on at least one occasion.

They say they confiscated his cigarettes and reminded him that it was not permitted to light up in hospitals. But in the early hours of Sunday morning, the patient lit up again and failed to put his cigarette out properly. He was on an individ­ ual ward, meaning nobody was there to raise the alarm. The fire started on his pillows and an emergency operation failed to save his life, without him regaining consciousness.

SOMETHING IN THE AIR

Spanish health authorities want to stop certain types of joss sticks, scented candles, air fresheners and aromatic oils being sold after reports from a leading consumer group that a number of these give off toxic substances.

The OCU claims they emit 'high levels' of chemicals such as benzene and formaldehyde, making them 'as harmful to health as ciga­ rette smoke'. This is not only the case in Spain, says the OCU, since similar research has been carried out in Italy, Portugal and Belgium and shown 'identical results'.

ARGY BARGY

The green light has been given to even faster services between Alicante and Madrid on the high­speed AVE train line which will mean journeys reaching a speed of up to 300 kms an hour on the stretch linking Alicante and Albacete. The 125 minute journey(saving a quarter of an hour) to the Spanish capital will kick in on a new timetable that rail oper­ ator RENFE will launch on Sunday June 15th, which is just 3 days shy of the first anniversary of the debut of the high speed trains between Alicante and Madrid.

A man was seriously injured in an accident in the early hours of Sunday morning when he lost control of his vehicle after being chased by the Guardia Civil around Torrevieja.

The 38 year old Argentinian crashed into a palm tree on the Mar Azul urbanisation at around 3.40am. The car roof had to be removed by fire­fighters to free the driver, who was taken to Torrevieja Hospital in a serious condition. The pursuit start­ ed when the man accelerating through a Guardia checkpoint at Punta Prima, and he lost control of his car at a roundabout.

GREEN COST CUTTER COUNCIL CRITICISED Rojales council has got a

brand new shredding machine that will make the area greener, and they claim will save 50 thousand Euros into the bar­ gain. The gizmo cost 28 thou­ sand Euros, and will cut the labour costs used to maintain parks and other public areas, as well as recycling the remains into a natural fertiliser.

Rojales council has been slammed for only having one taxi rank in Quesada. The Pader Muncipal Group says that council should increase the number of taxi spaces ahead of the peak summer season, as well as improving pub­ lic transport in the area, including a bus service that links through to the Laguna Hotel in Dona Pepa 2.

C o s t a Blanca’s Tourist Board was in Germany this week to pro­ mote the area as a major spot to visit for the coun­ try’s golfers.

Golf is one of the activities German visi­ tors enjoy doing with some 27 thou­ sand playing the sport on the southern Costa Blanca every year. It's a unique opportunity to raise aware­ ness of the golf industry worldwide," stressed Deputy Provincial Tourism officer, Joaquín Albaladejo, who

said that after the UK, German visitors were the 2nd most important for the local market. The region is rubbing shoulder to shoulder with other venues at two special exhibitions organ­ ised in Germany by the International Association of Golf Tour Operators.

HOMES GONE

Nearly 50,000 Spanish families lost their homes in 2013, up 11% on a year earlier, according to figures released from the Bank of Spain. Out of the 49,694 losses, 28,173 were evictions by court order, up 18.5% on 2012 figures Almost 80% of the properties involved were first homes, with the majority of these, 21,054, being seized on judges' orders. A further 17,907 were given up voluntarily: in 13,178 cases the bank cleared the owners' outstanding debt (dación en pago).

DEAD IN THE WATER

The body of a 53 year old Belgian man was found float­ ing in water off To r r e v i e j a ’ s A c e q u i o n beach on Monday morn­ ing. The corpse was around 50 metres offshore and was spot­ ted by a canoeist at around 11.00 am who alerted the authorities over his grisly sighting.

Guardia Civil divers pulled

the body out of the water, and confirmed that there was no sign of violence to the man who lived in Torrevieja.

NO TROUBLE AT MILL

Guardamar council want to make the San Antonio mill a major local tourist attrac­ tion, and they’ve put together a mainte­ nance plan for the building, which was constructed in 1662.

Local councillor Jesus Huertas said that the flour mill should become a key “environmental and cultural stop for people who want to learn about the history of the area.”

Friday, May 23, 2014

“Fishermen” strike again

By Andrew Atkinson

Los Montesinos is amongst the areas hit by the infamous burglar gangs who use fishing rods or long poles to lift keys from unsuspecting householders and espe­ cially tourists. Home own­ ers are on alert in the wake of a spate of thefts on the La Herrada Urbanisation in Los Montesinos where thieves struck recently by stealing two hire cars after “fishing” for car keys. Last week The Courier reported on crime hitting the Villamartin and the Orihuela Costa areas ­ with house burglaries including cars being stolen as rods were prodded through grilles to lift car and door keys "A family group had two hire cars stolen when burglars used fishing rods poked through open windows to hook car keys," said a La Herrada resident. The latest inci­

dent follows in the footsteps of vehicles ­ money and passports ­ being stolen in Los Montesinos in recent times. Other incidents on La Herrada have seen bicycles and gar­ den wares being targetted. Costa Blanca and Costa Calida communities saw burgla­ ries rise during the building boom when at its peak, and now they are on the rise again with the start of the summer tourist season.

A 71 year old British fugitive is facing jail for allegedly beating and sex­ ually abusing his stepson and stepdaughter back in the 1970’s. He was taken into custody by the National Police after being identified in the village of l'Olleria in Valencia Province ahead of extradi­ tion to the UK. According to British authorities, the offender, who has been hiding in Spain for the last 34 years, would take advantage of his wife working nights in order to sexually abuse the woman's 11­year­old daughter, and would punch and kick her if she refused. He would also beat and kick her eight­year­old brother.

The children were threatened that they

would be handed over to the social services and taken away from their mother if they told her what was happening. Both the brother and sister are now in their 40s, with the attacks happening between 1976(when the accused married their mother) and 1980. He apparently threatened to send the young­ sters to Social Services if they talked.

A Murcia man went berserk and tried to knife his wife to death before setting fire to their city flat.

The drama unfolded on Sunday afternoon when he got into an argument with his partner and cut her in the head a number of times with a kitchen knife, though she escaped into the street, with neigh­ bours calling the authorities.

Witnesses to the events in the Puente Tocinos area of Murcia City said the man was very aggressive and even followed his wife into the street, before turning back. He then set fire to the flat with reports that he was trying to kill himself as well. It took firemen several hours to bring the blaze under control, whilst the 58 year old man was arrested.

Apparently he was in the process of separat­ ing from his 45 year old wife, who had been attacked a number of times during their 25

year marriage, though she had never com­ plained to the police. She has recovered from her injuries and told the authorities that her husband was suffering from psychiatric problems.

SUSPECTED PAEDO BEHIND BARS

MAN FLIPS IN DEATH BID

BACK AGAIN

A Lithuanian man who stole a luxury BMW car last May was back for more nearly a year later, as he tried to steal a vehi­

cle at the La Zenia Shopping Centre car park. Helped by an accomplice, also from Lithuania, they tried to

escape the scene in the stolen car, after stealing a handbag from a shop­ worker. Their journey came to an end on the San Miguel road when the local police stopped them in the Ramblas de Oleza area.

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Friday, May 23, 2014

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

No end to the great barrier grief ON September 13 last year, you very kindly published a letter and photograph I submitted regarding the illegal barrier(s) which had been erected on the coastal footpath/promenade at Cabo Roig.

On the same page, the Councillor for the Coast, Martina Scheurer, stated that action was being taken to remove these barriers and that the Department of Urbanism had the matter in hand.

Now, nearly nine months on, we are still wait­ ing to see the results of the actions supposedly being taken by the local councils.

Many areas of the local coast have had some magnificent improvements carried out but this part of the coastal walk seems to be too hot to handle for the powers that be.

One might even assume the authorities are too worried about upsetting the residents who unlaw­ fully erected the barriers in the first place.

In early spring, the Tourist Office organised a coastal walk from the promenade at Playa Flamenca to Campoamor . This walk was very well received until it reached the barriers at Cabo Roig. At that point several of the walkers gave up in disappointment and left the walk.

It is obvious there is still a great deal of local resentment against the people who erected the barriers and those concerned in local govern­ ment who appear to have forgotten about the 35 metres of public footpath which is being denied us by a few selfish people. It would be nice to have, or hear of, some pending positive action from Martina Scheurer. I think everyone has wait­

ed long enough to have this situation resolved.

Now is the time for action, before the summer deluge of tourists appear on the scene.

RON F HOPKINS Long time resident of Cabo Roig Martina Scheurer comments: Removing this is not a matter of sending out workmen to knock it down. Administrative procedures and legal schedules have to be maintained. The urbanism councillor Antonio Zapata has it in hand. Everyone affected had to be notified and had legal time to answer. Those who could not be notified had to be published in the official paper etc etc. All these procedures in Spain are very long. The foreseen action and decision of the town hall has meanwhile been published in the BOP, official paper of Valencia.

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MOANING BRITS ARE A SPAIN IN THE NECK I’M hard pressed to find anything to complain about, living here in this lovely country, apart from the many whinging, miserable, negative and moaning Brits!

We all moved here to improve our lifestyles which includ­ ed, most importantly, the health benefits of this wonderful cli­ mate.

The combination of the sun, mountains, salt lakes and sea create one of the world's best climates. The air is clean and the sky is usually big and blue by day and bright with stars by night. If a leaden grey sky is preferred with a damp dreary cold climate, then why did so many Brits leave their homeland!

Spain is full of Spaniards plus immigrants. People moan about immigration I HAVE lived in Gran without, it seems, appreci­ Alacant for eight years, ating the fact that we are my Water bills have the immigrants! always been around 60 Do the Spanish insist that euros (some 58, some we speak their language?

62).

My latest Factura has a Thankfully not. Moronically, I have heard a Brit in a new section.

Alcantarillado enero­ Spanish bar suggesting to junio 2014. Cuota de ser­ the owner that he should vicio Chalet 44.31 euros. speak English. The classic Cuota de servicio Brit abroad!

Do we have traffic prob­ Piscinas 22.50 euros.

Both 10% IVA, thus lems? Parking problems? adding 73.49 euros to my Parking costs? Traffic jams? bill. Total amount due Road rage? If they think we do, I would suggest they go 136.29 euros.

I asked my Interpreter back to the UK for a reminder to phone the 902 number. of how chaotic traffic and They did not know why parking is there. A trip round this has happened,and the M25 and then down to told her that I should go Brighton to park by the sea to the Santa Pola office should do it! and they may be able to I'm writing this as my friend help!. in the mini mart told me that This I will do,but in the he is so tired of moaning meantime I wonder if this Brits who, whilst living the is another way of adding dream, seem to be oblivious extra money to our water of their good fortune. bill?

LES WILTON

Water lot of trouble at the bill

A MOVING QUESTION OF LEAVING

RECENT press reports have been seeking to convince us that British expats are leaving Spain in droves.

In rebuttal there have been let­ ters in the local papers assuring us that this is an exaggeration.

I do not have access to any sta­ tistics to make a case for either point of view, but I do have a neighbour who owns one of the larger removal companies here in Spain.

He tells me that for the last three years they have been ship­ ping a considerable number of expats back to the UK, and even to Australia and America, but they have not brought a single family out to Spain during that time.

This may not be a significant statistic for a lot of your readers, but it convinces me!

MICHAEL WHITE, Altos del Limonar

The wrong Good Friday AS an expat retired teacher living in Spain and trying to learn the lan­ guage, I recently stumbled upon the little gem Sally’s Simple Spanish. However, the lesson on April 14, was peppered liberally with mistakes both in the Spanish and English terms.

I do not know where Sally received her information but as a practising Roman Catholic, I was horrified by the incorrect informa­ tion which she imparted. ‘Felices pascuas’ does not mean Happy Easter but is a term which can also be used at Christmas. Our equiva­ lent would probably be ‘Season´s Greetings’. The Spanish for Happy Easter is Feliz Pascua.

‘Misa santa’ is the term given to any Mass, not Easter Sunday Mass.

‘Pentecostes’ means Pentecost and not Whitsun, which is an

English name given to the weekend on which Pentecost falls. ‘Sabado santo’ is the name given to Holy Saturday. There is no such reli­ gious feast as Easter Saturday.

Easter Sunday, Easter Monday or the season of Easter are the only times ‘Easter’ is used.

Good Friday is translated as viernes santo’ and not, as Sally indicated, ‘viernes, de pascua’ for the above reason.

ALEXANDRA COUGHLAN Sally replies: Thank you for your letter, Alexandra. It is always good to receive feedback, good or bad, as it keeps us on our toes. I’d like to apologise if the April 14 lesson contained mis­ takes. I always get a native Spanish speaker to check my translations, and the person who checked the activity in question spotted no mis­

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takes. This may be because he is not a practising Roman Catholic. I am not very religious, but thought the vocabulary would be useful for those attending Easter proces­ sions, and looked up some of the expressions in online dictionaries.

If you Google Happy Easter in Spanish, Felices Pascuas comes up. I think this is what they say in Latin America.

Spanish is spoken as a first lan­ guage in over 20 countries, and just because they say something differently in, say, Argentina does not make it wrong here. That would be like saying ‘elevator’ does not mean ‘lift’.

I lived in Mexico for seven years, and learnt Spanish there, so some­ times I do come out with expres­ sions which sound unfamiliar here in Spain.

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Friday, May 23, 2014

I’M getting to like AENA – and not only for the successful and efficient way it runs Spain’s airports.

It also makes an impres­ sive case for remaining out­ side the grip of the priva­ teers.

The Rajoy government is bent on selling off AENA, which is responsible for all but a handful of the country’s airports.

Among the exceptions are controversial white elephants like Castellon, Ciudad Real, Lleida­Alguaire and now the deserted Corvera, where £200m of investment has yet to reap a centimo in return.

The argument for a public AENA is convincing – partic­ ularly when its workers and supporters put their case so politely (UK trade unions please note).

When I flew from Alicante to the UK last week, around 30 pro­AENA actiivists were demonstrating on the main concourse.

Neatly but casually dressed, they were scrupu­ lously well­behaved as they paraded up and down to a chorus of megaphone chants.

Their message – delivered via leaflets in English and Spanish – made it clear who they blamed for the untold woes of Spanish aviation.

In a word, it was civilised.

Like many of those on the concourse, I initially took the

A LITTLE WORD IN PRIVATE ch Rupert Murdo

Eddie Shah 30­strong party for football fans. They were in fact work­ ers from airports as wide­ spread as Bilbao, Madrid, Palma, Malaga and Tenerife.

And their message? ‘‘AENA is a public company that does no cost anything to the citizens. Not funded by the State Budget, but with

rates and economic activity that is generated at airports.

“In Spain, the airports managed privately or individ­ ually by autonomous com­ munities have been a disas­ ter.’’

Last year, AENA made a net profit of €715m, accord­ ing to the protesters, yet the

government wants to priva­ tise it.

This, say the workers, would reduce investment, leading to airport closures, increased fares, and reduced quality and safety. .

I have mixed feelings about trade unions, legacy of 30 years on the receiving

end of print industry jealousy.

But I’d rather enthuse about the way the protesting CCOO workers conveyed AENA’s viability to passengers and airport workers.

Journalists were the favourite targets of the Bolshie bullies who intimidat­ ed Fleet Street until the

The plane truth about airport parking YOU don’t need to look far to appreciate that cus­ tomer satisfaction is massively important to AENA. And that Britain’s pri­ vatised airports care only about lining their share­ holders pockets with as much of Mr Average’s hard earned as possible.

Park in the short­stay at Manchester to make a pick­up and if the flight you’re waiting for is delayed, it could cost you £20 or more.

My daughter was fleeced for £15.60 when she collected me from Terminal 2 last Wednesday. And the

noose is tightening still further, with ever­tougher measures to prevent peo­ ple making sneaky pick­ ups outside the terminals without paying.

Contrast that scenario with Alicante airport, where vehicles are regu­ larly left unattended in the pickup zone for what

seems like hours.

I prefer to take take the safe option and use the official car park. The most it has ever cost me is around €2.50, which is roughly what the fare SHOULD be.

Unless you are a greedy British fat cat, that is.

Warrington­Wapping revolu­ tion of the mid­1990s. The printers earned more than journalists, legacy of their ‘down­tools’ militancy, but it rankled that they could never put the might of the pen to the sword.

Ultimately, the printers were hurled en masse onto the scrapheap by Rupert Murdoch and Eddie Shah, whose newspaper empires were being bled dry by the militants.

Shah showed his own cre­ dentials by launching a new low­budget tabloid daily, The Post, and closing it within three months.

A quarter of a century tlater, The Post’s staff writers and sub­editors are still wait­ ing for our contracted sever­ ance pay.

We’re more likely to get a cheque from the Shah of Persia than from Eddie.

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Friday, May 23, 2014

Friday, May 23, 2014

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Friday, May 23, 2014

THE SON HAS GOT HIS HAT ON

When I was a young lad my mother bought me a bala­ clava hat. However, she insisted I wore it the other way round so that the face opening was at the back.

Mother said that wearing the hat like that would protect my delicate breathing appa­ ratus from those dreadful smogs we used to get.

All I knew was that I could hardly see a damned thing as I peered forlornly through the thick woollen stitches, try­ ing to watch the fuzzy world go by as Mother pushed me through the cobbled streets in my trolley.

'I don't like this hat!' I would declare, hammering my hob­ nailed boots on the trolley's foot rest to emphasise my point.

'Tut, tut,' tutted Mother. 'I just want to keep your little nostrils clear of air pollutants.

Remind me to define ingrati­ tude to you when you are older and able to under­ stand.'

Well, I did get older and one day I confronted Mother in the kitchen where she was boiling up a pan of rhubarb

(which I loathe, incidentally).

'So why did I have to wear that silly hat backwards when I was a kid?' I demanded.

'And don't fob me off with all that stuff about smog. It's just a smokescreen for your real reason methinks.'

Mother gave the rhubarb another stir but said nothing.

'Come on, Mother.'

I implored. 'I need to know on a need­to­know basis.'

Mother whirled around from the rhubarb to face me.

'You're just like that self­cen­ tred music teacher who lives opposite ­­ Do­Re­Mi­Mi­Mi all the time. You see every­ thing from the point of view of yourself. The trouble with you, Son, is that you've always had a blinkered out­ look on life.'

'No flaming wonder,' I retorted. 'What did you expect, having to wear that bloody balaclava backwards when I was a blossoming boy.'

Mother sniffed and turned back to the rhubarb on the stove. 'I'll explain everything when you're even more older.'

'Mother,' I sighed. 'I'm get­ ting married in the morning.

Ding dong the bells are gonna chime. Then I'm tak­ ing the new Mrs S off for a romantic week in Rhyl. After that I won't be living here anymore. So tell me now.'

Mother switched off the rhubarb and explained about the wrong­way­ round balaclava hat in that comforting way of hers. 'It was those squinty little eyes with the demonic h a l f ­ s t a r e .

Goodness, you were a most unpre­ possessing infant. I wouldn't have mind­ ed but our snobby, superior­acting n e i g h b o u r Rosemary had a beautiful child with a face like an angel.'

After all those years it was my turn to tut. 'But Mother, what a false

sense of values to have.

One's appearance really shouldn't be applied as a measure of a man. You should have been proud of

me instead of concealing my pupils behind wool.'

'And don't forget your strangely­shaped nose,' interjected Mother. 'The backwards hat also covered that particularly ugly struc­ ture. But you are quite cor­ rect, Son. I was wrong to undermine your self­ esteem.'

I marched out of the room and immediate­ ly marched back in again. 'I have a question, Mother.

After what you've just divulged to me, how can I face my new bride tomorrow?'

'Perhaps you should wear the veil,' she sug­ gested.

Anyway, I got mar­ ried and only the other evening Mrs S and I were taking a look through our wedding album. 'There's your Uncle Bert posing proudly with his war medals,' I s a i d ,

pointing at one of the group photos.

'MY Uncle Bert?' Mrs S said. 'But I haven't got an Uncle Bert. That's YOUR Uncle Bert.'

'But I never had an Uncle Bert either,' I said. 'That bloke, whoever he is, must have been at the wrong wed­ ding.' And we both shrugged and turned over the page.

'Just look at my make­up,' Mrs S chortled. 'I'm like a Sixties dolly bird.'

'Because that's what you were, chuck,' I grinned. 'Don't forget a lot of soap has lodged behind the old wed­ ding ring since these ancient pictures were taken.'

Mrs S slammed the album shut and glared at me.

'Thank you for sharing that flattering observation with me. But before I flounce off to bed to sulk, I'd like to ask you a question. Why aren't you on any of the wedding pho­ tos?'

'Oh, it's all to do with those smogs we used to get back in the olden days,' I said. 'But I'll explain everything to you when you're older.'

Friday, May 23, 2014

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Friday, May 23, 2014

“TOXIC” MILK WARNING Since we began our animal charity here in Spain, this week has been one of the toughest and saddest. A year ago we rescued from the streets, Pebbles, who was a 7 week old kitten.

She was dragging herself along the road with a broken hip.

We rescued her and took her straight to the vets, where she was operated on. This was successful and we were told because of the operation she would not be able to have kit­ tens. Pebbles went on to mix well with our other cats and dogs and a couple of months ago, we noticed that she was

LITTLE PIGLET AT ONE DAY OLD

putting on a lot of weight. After taking her to the vet, we were amazed to find out that she was pregnant.

Eleven days ago the babies arrived but sadly out of the four, two died. Pebbles had to have a caesarean operation to deliver the final two kittens. A few hours after the operation, we were allowed to take Pebbles and her kittens home. The first day we had to hand feed them as they were finding it dif­ ficult to negotiate how to get milk from the mother. On the second day, they figured it out and fed from the mother suc­ cessfully. I was simply amazed at how small they were. I have never seen kittens at one day old and to see how small and vulnerable they are, I was like the nervous Grandfather, looking over them. As the days passed, they gained in size and Pebbles was doing a fantastic job. I could have spent all day with them. They simply fascinated me.

On Sunday morning, the day started like any other, with a busy schedule ahead, looking after all of the animals. Then came a bombshell out of nowhere. Jean, my wife came rush­ ing in to see me holding Tigger, one of the kittens. “Tiggers dead” she said as the tears rolled down her face.

The tiny ginger kitten lay in Jean’s hands, having taken it’s final breath. We did not know why or how Tigger died, so we took Pebbles and the final kitten, Piglet, straight to our vets.

As we arrived I noticed Piglet’s breathing becoming very shallow and I knew something had gone badly wrong. The vet believed that Pebbles milk had become toxic and this is what had killed Tigger. So all the time we could see them suckling, we thought this was great, but in fact it turns out that her milk was toxic. The vet kept Piglet, as he needed oxygen and feeding. I willed this little man to live and fight and I prayed and I wished. Piglet died that night at midnight.

When I heard the news I simply felt crushed. So did Jean.

Rescue can be very rewarding but the downside is that it can regularly break your heart. I have since found out that this

LITTLE TIGGER AT ONE DAY OLD

can happen to kittens or puppies, so I am writing this, in the hope that no one who reads this has to go through what we have gone through.

If you would be kind enough to donate anything to our charity you can do by Paypal, where the account details are peter@thedogyouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60­16­03 and the account number is 73754900.

If needed the IBAN number is: GB83 NWBK 6016 0373 7549 00 and the BIC number is: NWBK GB 2L All I can say is that we are in desperate need of funds.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? Sasha is about 9 months old and is a small, she was found by a road in a very bad state, it has taken some time for her to be well enough to go to a good home. She is now a thriving healthy happy little dog that loves life, she gets on very well with the other dogs and cats that she is being foste­ red with. For more info on Sasha please telephone the PEPA helpline on 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animal­ charity@gmail.com

Sasha These three little kittens were dumped at the gates of the APAH Cattery. They are about 6 weeks old, and bring the total of black cats in the Cattery to 20! Can anyone offer one of APAH's beautiful black cats and kit­ tens a loving home? To visit the APAH Cattery please contact Yvonne on 630 422 563.

Puppy season is upon us again, so far this week we have been ‘gifted’ 17 pup­ pies in one 24 hour period.

These four cuties, Danni, Nira, Bernie and Maisie, have been with us for just over a month after being abandoned by the side of a busy road. They are now 11 weeks old and have had the relevant vaccinations. If you think you could give a loving home to one of them then please contact the kennels directly on 966710047 or email info@satanimalres­ cue.com

Flash on the left and Sandie on the right, 2 Galgos nee­ ding homes. We have lots of puppies in at the moment in all shapes and sizes, People are welcome to come and have a look at them. You can see our dogs by finding us on facebook “Paradise Kennels” or call 619 938 955

Flash and Sandie

TESS and ZARA. These two affectionate sisters were res­ cued from a perrera only three months old. They are now 18 months old and are Little Archie, who is around 10 months old, was found in more than ready to find fore­ ver homes. They can be Torre Pacheco full of ticks and with a collar deeply homed separately. Both are imbedded in his collar. Now chipped, vaccinated and spa­ in the APAH kennels, he is a yed and look like a small delightfully friendly dog, with Labrador. If you can re­ loads of love to give someo­ home, foster or sponsor one ne. To meet Archie, please of the dogs please contact contact Yvonne on 630 422 Eleanor 610188349.

563.

Archie

Noosa was taken in by K9 after her owner sadly was unable to care for her. She is about 4 years old and loves people. She has been very much loved by her previous owner so is very talkative and will paddle with her paws whilst you talk to her. Please contact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es

Tess

Pablo is a 9 month old dog, he has the most beautiful gentle way about him. He is a joy to be around. He has had a horrible start to his life. To find out more about Pablo please ring the PEPA helpli­ ne on 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmail .com

Pablo

Noosa Molly is a 4 year old Cocker Spaniel, she is sterilised, chipped, vaccinated and good with other dogs and children. Call: 645 469 253

Molly

These 4 kittens were dum­ ped in a box outside a super­ market on La Marina last week, they are approx 9 weeks old and there is 3 girls and 1 boy. Call: 645 469 253.

Friday, May 23, 2014

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Friday, May 23, 2014

KEEP THEM SAFE!

So, summer is finally on its way, and you could easily be forgiven for thinking it´s arrived as we face day after day of blue skies and sunshine! We know we have a few months of this to come, so there´s no rush to get to the beach or in the pool but it´s still nice to relax whenever we can.

This week I´d like to remind everyone of something that is easy to forget and that´s personal safety where water is involved. We all like to think we are careful and attentive, but remember it only takes a few minutes for someone to drown, so firstly when we are with children or people who cannot swim it is vital that we keep our eyes on them. It´s never alright to just shut our eyes for a few minutes when we are responsible for youngsters, as they don´t always under­ stand or want to listen to the fact that they must not go in the pool. Water is fun and they want to enjoy it, but tragedy can happen faster than anyone can imagine. Look at the little people you have coming to visit, see their happy smiling faces as they play and enjoy their holiday, and then imagine the terror of struggling to breathe, and of fighting for every drop of air as their lungs fill with water. It may seem extreme and you may think I´m being deliberately dramatic and upsetting, and you´d be correct. There are too many pre­ cious little people dying in our pools that if this article makes one parent, grandparent, guardian more alert, then it´s been worth writing.

I couldn´t imagine life without my little fella. He is my life and that´s why, when I´m working at home I make sure the two gates to the pool are locked and inaccessible to him.

Even though he can swim, I will not take a risk with his life.

Also when I invite my son´s friends over to swim, I ask a par­ ent to stay with us. That way there is no reason for the chil­

dren to be left alone, and after all I may need to use the bath­ room or prepare some snacks and in that time anything can happen. If I am alone with my son and I need to go in the house for anything, I tell him to stay out of the pool until I´m back and I know, at his age, he is responsible enough to do it.

In a communal pool these things can happen too, so don´t be lulled into a false sense of security because there are a lot of people around. I remember one occasion I was in one with my son, who was around three years old and my younger daughter, who would have been around 9. She could swim but my son couldn´t, so we were all in the baby pool which came to just above my knees, which was shallow enough for my son to stand and he was wearing armbands.

I was talking to my daughter for less than a minute and I turned to see my son face down in the water just lying there and not moving. Of course I grabbed him and pulled him out straight away and his face told me everything I needed to know in that he had been close to drowning and had I not been right there the story could have had a very different ending. Don´t forget this was in a big pool full of bathers and swimmers. Do not let anyone else take responsibility for your child apart from who should be caring for them. The worst thing you can think is ´it won´t happen to me´ because it could and it might.

At the beach it´s even more important to keep a close eye on little and big people, as the sea can be a very high risk to swimmers and non­swimmers alike. Statistics show that

more adults are likely to die or get into trouble on the beach and that´s normally because the ´rips´ or strong currents are a little further out to sea than children tend to go, but even with that in mind we have to be aware of where our little peo­ ple are at all times. The beach is a huge playground to a curious child and they can easily wander off and get lost.

Every parent I know has had that sick feeling in the pit of their stomach when they lose sight of their child in a big shop or other area. So, don´t make that feeling more likely and don´t put your child at risk by not watching them! Better still, join in with your children, build sandcastles, paddle together and then when you want to rest, have them lie with you for a few minutes.

Last year from January to the end of July there were 113 drowning deaths in Spain, and 53 of those were in July, with 14 in June, and the figure rose throughout August and September. In that sad tally of 113, the majority were actual­ ly over 60 years; 32 were between 18 and 59; and 23 were younger than 18 (the age was unknown for 13 people). 21 of the fatalities were female, and the majority of the tragedies happened in the sea, where 59 people lost their lives, whilst 23 died in swimming pools, 19 in rivers and the others in other water areas. In 2012, the figures for the summer sea­ son show 186 people dying in water from the 1st of June until the 29th September, with the worst month being August where 62 people drowned.

Please keep your eye on everyone in your group, old and young alike, and avoid being another statistic, but remember children have minds of their own that don´t always work log­ ically and carefully like ours and they need extra attention and care. Keep them close, keep your eye on them, and keep them safe!

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Friday, May 23, 2014

Voters here in Spain, including perhaps you, will go off to the polls this Sunday to cast their ballots for this year’s European Elections, with the UK elec­ torate having already voted yesterday, along with some local elections to boot.

Spaniards are easily going to beat the British turnout, with half of them telling pollsters that they will definitely vote, whilst a fifth will stay at home, with the rest still undecided.

In the UK, I’m pretty certain that at best, you will only get a 40% turn out, which in some ways is surprising because if people there are so hot under the collar over Europe, then surely the best way to stick two fingers up at Brussels is to dash into a polling booth and to vote for UKIP! I’m sure here in Spain as well there is a strong ele­ ment that remember what it was like here in the Franco era when you could not hold free elections, and so the bal­ lot is not taken for granted by older voters.

Here in Spain, I expect the PP to get the most seats, based on the opinion polls, and with dissatisfaction over the PSOE, who even dug up the unpopular ex­premier Zapatero, to allegedly boost

IT’S YOUR VOTE THAT COUNTS

their campaign, I’ll be intrigued to see how the smaller parties poll, with a massive collection of them.

In the UK, something very interesting has happened with UKIP losing some ground in a few surveys, with the Tories ahead of them for the Euro elections, and even more dramatically, David Cameron’s party in the lead in General Election opinion polls, with the Lib Dems pushing UKIP into fourth. As I’ve suggested before, too many nutters in UKIP have taken the party off­message, though I suspect they will still do well come this Sunday when the ballots are count­ ed. A General Election on a first past the post system is a different kettle of fish and it is clear that the opinion polls are already reflecting this

with a year to go before the big vote.

The Courier doesn’t tell you who to vote for either here or in the UK, but I was intrigued to flick through a num­ ber of English lan­ guage freesheets in this area in recent weeks all of which are directly or indirectly hinting at you to vote for the PP in the Spanish ballot. It’s all to do with extolling the virtues of one particu­ lar candidate who lives in the Alicante area, and who is seek­ ing re­election to the European Parliament.

Because you have to vote for a particular party list, Eva Ortiz is down at number 20 on the national list, and

depending on which opinion poll you look at, is right on the borderline of being re­ elected. It’s one reason that I hate this type of Proportional

Representation because you are voting for party machines with no regional split, rather than an individ­ ual candidate or candidates.

What does annoy me is to read unfounded claims in some of these freesheets that everybody thinks that Ortiz is the best thing since sliced bread on the grounds that she is the only MEP from Alicante Province. She might be brilliant, but I’d imagine non­PP voters would have a somewhat differ­ ent take on the matter, and according to the polls that’s around two­ thirds of the national population! Tut tut then on this cheap propa­ ganda mascarading as news. A better story might have been to ask why she’s so low down on the list, yet ex­ Murcia President Valcarcel gets a guar­ anteed sixth slot?

SEPA. MEANS SAFE AND EFFICIENT PAYMENTS IN SPAIN. What is SEPA? The Single Euro Payments Area (SEPA) is making euro payments faster, safer and more efficient within the 34 EU countries. It enables customers to make cashless euro payments to anyone within the EU. What are the ways to pay using SEPA? 1. SEPA credit transfer A single way to transfer funds nationally or anywhere within the EU. 2. SEPA direct debit Now charges can be made directly to an account in one EU country for services provid­ ed by a company based in another country.

3. SEPA for cards Customers can conveniently use the same cards they use for national purchases, any­ where in Europe. Merchants will accept all cards, making payment processes easier and more attractive.

SEPA standards required for full introduction 1. IBAN IBAN is the International Bank Account Number that identifies your account anywhere in the world. With a maximum of 34 digits it includes the following in order: 2 digits country code 2 digits check digit 30 digits (max) account identification specific to each country UK IBAN example: GB19 LOYD 3096 1700 7099 43 2. BIC BIC (Bank Identifier Code) numbers will be phased out for cross­border payments by February 2016.

3. PAYMENT CARDS All payment cards will be migrated from magnetic strip to EMV chip. There is currently no date for completion.

Timeline for the SEPA process The process began in 1999 and is now in the final migration phase.

February 2014: Credit transfers and direct debits in the EU should be carried out in accordance with the standards mentioned above. A six month transition period is being introduced.

February 2016: For niche products with specific characteristics a longer transition phase is made for in some countries.

31 October 2016: EU member states with non­euro currencies must adhere to stan­ dards set for credit transfers and direct debits in euros, by this end date.

SEPA indicators. Key facts at a glance.

SEPA credit transfers as a % of total EU transactions is 93.9%* SEPA direct debit as a % of total transactions is 80.3%* EMV transactions as a % of total transactions is 79.6%** *February 2014­03­21 **June 2013 We hope this information provided in this article is of interest.

If you would like to contact Linea Directa please call 902 123 104 More information on Linea Directa online at www.lineadirecta.com

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Friday, May 23, 2014

MUSLIMS MUST GET REAL

IMAGINE...you have decid­ ed to leave your church and convert to another because you have fallen in love and married someone of a different faith. It hap­ pens often in the West and it´s no big deal.

Now imagine you are sen­ tenced to 100 lashes and then to be hanged for this ´crime´. It´s beyond belief that it is still a capital offence in countries practising extreme forms of Islamic law for someone to abandon their Muslim faith. The woman comes from the Sudan, and is to be lashed because she has committed adultery with her husband, who is Christian. That is because the country does not recognise a marriage between a Muslim and a Christian as valid under Islamic law. There is a long­ running debate in the Muslim world over whether apostasy (marriage between religions) is a crime.

Some liberal scholars hold the view that it is not ­ and back up their argument by citing the Koranic verse which states: "There shall be no compulsion in religion."

Others say apostasy is tanta­ mount to treason ­ and refer to what Prophet Muhammad said: "It is not permissible to spill the blood of a Muslim except in three [instances]: A life for a life; a married per­ son who commits adultery; and one who forsakes his religion and separates from the community." The latter is the dominant view in conser­ vative Muslim states such as Sudan, Saudi Arabia and Pakistan and the cause of much religious tension. I keep saying it but the Muslim world really must drag itself into the 21st century and end extremism, whether it is over religious interpretations or so many other things which

fence after his dog had become impaled on a rusty spike and had to have the spike removed from his skull in a lengthy operation. What a state Britain has come to when a charity runs to the cops when a member of the public performs a charitable act. Probably they´re so frightened they are going to be sued if there´s an acci­ dent on an "unofficial" seat that they resort to such action. It’s a pity the pension­ er didn´t sue the charity for the injury to the dog due to their negligence.

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drives people to kill. The woman is pregnant and is to give birth very soon. The sentences have been post­ poned for two years. It gives the rest of the world time to build up pressure to get the woman freed and these extreme countries to realise they must stop living with values which might have been normal 1,000 years ago, but not now.

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AND now let´s look at another country (or its government) which needs to be dragged into the 21st century. I think that every­ one who watched the pre­ views of the Eurovision Song Contest and the event itself nearly a fortnight ago had more than a double take when Austria´s bearded lady took the stage. I must admit, I was gob­smacked, but quickly realised that she had talent and it came as no sur­

prise to me that she went on to win the competition.

Eurovision is a lot more than just a singing competition. It is an exhibition too ­ and that´s what drag queen Conchita Wurst had on offer a plenty. Europe´s embrace of Conchita shows just how far the continent has gone on the road to embracing minorities and that is brilliant for Europe´s future. But not so Russia, where from President Putin to members of the government were aghast at Europe not giving Conchita the order of the boot. In the corridors of Russian power she sank like a lead balloon, with officials citing her as an example of Europe's moral decay.

Russia´s president Putin is a big man, a former KGB chief and a black belt goodness knows what Dan judo expert, not the kind of per­ son likely to take gays, transvestites, et al, gladly.

He is joined by many others in the Kremlin like Communist MP Valery Rashkin who likes climbing mountains. Back in the USSR he was a champion alpinist, and now he wants to liberate Russia from the Eurovision Song Contest.

He said: "Giving first place

to a bearded lady is a slight on humanity and suicide!"

Nationalist MP Vladimir Zhirinovsky ranted to Russian TV viewers: "This is the end of Europe. It's rotted away. There are no more men and women. There is just 'It'!" Yes, there´s still prejudice in Europe over sexual minorities, but clearly nothing like so much as in the Kremlin. Not all is lost in Russia however, because it seems those in power are very much out of tune with ordinary people. Russian televoters loved Conchita Wurst and ranked her third.

It seems the public is less outraged by a bearded lady than parliament thinks it ought to be.

How many times have you heard women say "he never speaks to my face, he talks to my boobs"?

Women often complain about men whose eyes don´t take long to explore her chest and cleavage.

Well, it seems that women actually don´t mind that much, or actually enjoy being looked at ­ especially if they are making money out of it in the process. No, I´m not talking about the old­ est profession in the world, but top tennis professionals

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who have cottoned onto the idea that they can make extra bucks by selling their boobs. Advertising labels are appearing on top play­ ers´ shirts in strategic places where men´s eyes wander ­ and it´s a big earner. Italian player Camila Giorgi, cur­ rently ranked number 54 in the world, is one of the numerous women who have been spotted promoting sponsors on their breasts.

So far advertising slogans on men are limited to one shoulder. I wonder how long it will be before they travel south?

As a child I was always taught to be kind and helpful to others and proba­ bly the vast majority of peo­ ple of my generation were similarly taught. It was that same community spirit which probably prompted a former police officer and pensioner Jim Higgins to get stuck in and clear brambles from a footpath at the bot­ tom of his garden in Cumbria, replacing a dilapi­ dated fence and building a rustic seat for walkers.

Neighbours stopped to thank him, and particularly over that home­made bench he built there. But the charity which owned the footpath were far from pleased and said they had health and safety concerns over the seat! And the charity were far from charitable when they called in police who told him he could be charged for the theft of the old fence which he had dumped.

He had previously asked the charity to deal with the

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And now for another bit of good old British non­ sense. A mother decided to go to the cinema to watch a 15­rated film and took her young daughter with her, but she was ordered to leave.

Quite right, you might say ­ until you learn the daughter was a baby in arms just 11 weeks old. The woman was told she was breaking the law by taking her baby to raunchy comedy Bad Neighbours! The 30­year­old mother of two had gone to the Vue cinema in Cambridge with a friend, and both had bought tickets but were asked to leave before the film started. Has Britain taken leave of its senses?

Isn´t there any good old com­ mon sense left in the home­ land? I hardly think the 11­ week­old baby would have been wrongly influenced by the film which she (hopefully) would have slept through.

A few weeks ago I wrote about the ridiculous problems I had trying to find the car hire return at Manchester airport due to a lack of signs, resulting in a 10­mile drive. Last week I hired a car at Gatwick airport to be at my daughter´s wed­ ding and I was expecting a repeat performance. Guess what? Right at the first roundabout at the entrance to the airport was the clear­ est of road signs pointing to the car hire return, and these continued right to the return point. Now there´s a north­ south divide. I make no fur­ ther comment! Touching on the subject of roundabouts, it was a pure delight to be back in the UK and have every motorist clearly indi­ cating where they intended going, and moving to the inside lane of the roundabout if they were intending to trav­ el more than half way round the roundabout. It makes so much sense ­ so come on Spain, get into the real world!

It makes roundabouts safer and actually speeds up traf­ fic movement too. A win­win!

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Friday, May 23, 2014

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Friday, May 23, 2014

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Spanish 123 This week we are going to continue with some common errors that English native speakers make when talking in Spanish. Sometimes we try to translate directly from our native language to the language we are speaking, it can be possible to do so but other times we cannot, it won´t make sense, so we have to know when it´s possible and when it isn´t. The majority of problems come with the prepositions, which are words that help explain a sentence, words such as in, to, at, from, over, etc. Prepositions that we use in English we sometimes keep the same in Spanish and other times change them, I notice this is a prob­ lem for us English speakers but also for Spanish native speakers when they learn English, it is some­ thing that we all have to learn and repetition can help us to hear the sounds and realise when some­ thing just sounds correct.

So here are some more common mistakes when talking Spanish: One of the most common problems we face is how to talk about the time of day, in English we say ´in the morning´ which as a literal translation is ´en la mañana´ however we don´t use the preposition ´en´ in this case we use ´de´ or ´por´. We use de when talking about an exact time, for example ´a las 6 de la mañana limpio la casa´ ­ I clean the house at 6 o´clock. We use por when we are talking about a rough time, for example ´por la tarde limpio la casa´ ­ in the afternoon I clean the house.

Some examples of using prepositions with time are: in the morning – por la mañana, early in the morn­ ing – temprano por la mañana, at midday – al mediodía.

Another preposition that is different in Spanish and English is when we are talking about clothes and colours. When we want to say – he is dressed in red we don´t use the preposition ´en´ (in) we use

the preposition ´de´ for example, he always wears black – siempre va vestido de negro.

In English it is possible to end a sentence with a preposi­ tion, and although scholars of English can have nightmares about it, it has become the more natural way to say some­ thing, for example to avoid a preposition at the end of a sen­ tence we could change the sentence from e.g the person I live with, to the person with whom I live. Of course this latter sentence sounds very old fashioned so the preposition ´with´ is put at the end to make it sound more modern.

Even big companies make mistakes!

However in Spanish we don´t end a sentence with a prepo­ sition, you could never say la persona quien vivo con… this would not be correct in any form, in Spanish the prepo­ sition comes before a noun, pronoun or an article. Therefore how do we say it in Spanish? It has to be – la persona con quien vivo, or la persona con la que vivo, who are you going with? would be ¿con quién vas?

Next we are going to look at a word that sounds like an English word but doesn´t have the same meaning, the word is ´suceso´ which of course looks and sounds like success but it actually means, event or happening. The Spanish word for success is éxito so you wouldn´t say tuvo mucho suceso if you wanted to say it was a big success or it had a lot of success, you would need to say – tuvo mucho éxito.

The next common mistake comes down to a sim­ ple change of spelling, of course there are a lot of words in Spanish that change one letter and makes a complete new word. It is very important that you spell words correctly because as we know, Spanish being a phonetic language, we need to know how to spell a word in order to be able to pronounce it. The word I´m talking about in this section is cuento which can get confused with the word cuenta. Un cuento is a story or tale, and to tell a story is ´contar una historia/cuento´ una cuenta is a bank account, a sum or as we all know when we are in a restaurant, it´s the bill. So be sure that when you want to talk about stories you use cuento for example I tell my daughter stories to make her go to sleep – cuento cuentos a mi hija para dormir, I don´t have any money in my account ­ no tengo fondos/dinero en mi cuenta, the bill please – la cuenta por favor.

Next week we´ll carry on with some more common mistakes in Spanish. In the meantime keep practis­ ing, use it as much as possible and get used to the sound of Spanish as much as the correct grammar and vocabulary.

Friday, May 23, 2014

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Friday, May 23, 2014

KIDNEY STONES: Causes, Types, Symptoms, Treatment and Prevention What is a kidney stone?

Kidney stones are hard, stone­like mass­ es, formed out of crystals found in the urine.

A stone may stay in the kidney or break loose and travel down the urinary tract. A small stone may pass all the way out of the body without causing too much pain. A larg­ er stone may get stuck in a ureter, the blad­ der, or the urethra. A problem stone can block the flow of urine and cause great pain.

Researchers have proved that kidney stones are no modern ailment; the remains of a 7,000­year­old mummy revealed that even the ancient Egyptians suffered from them.

Causes of kidney stones

Doctors still don’t know exactly what caus­ es a kidney stone to form.

More than 90% of individuals with kidney stones have a chemical abnormality of blood or urine that contributes to the tendency to form the stones.

At one time, it was believed that certain foods caused people to develop kidney stones. Recent findings, however, suggest that foods may promote the formation of kid­ ney stones in those who are susceptible, but it doesn’t seem that particular foods have any bearing on the formation of kidney stones in a person who is not susceptible.

People who have a family history of kidney stones are more likely to develop them.

Not drinking enough water or other fluids may also contribute to forming stones.

Inadequate fluid intake causes the kidneys to produce less urine, as well as urine that is highly concentrated. The smaller the daily volume of urine, the more likely it is that a person would form kidney stones.

The truth of the matter is that kidney stones may form for a variety of reasons: uri­ nary tract infections, kidney disorders and certain metabolic disorders such as hyper­ parathyroidism have all been linked to the formation of kidney stones. Seventy percent of those who suffer from renal tubular acido­

or chill, though, this suggests that there may be an infection and one should seek a doc­ tor immediately.

Kidney stone treatment

sis, an unusual hereditary disease, develop kidney stones and the condition is most prominent in men, from ages 40­70. Women get stones less frequently than men, but occasionally they do occur, usually around the age of 50.

The most common kidney stones are cal­ cium­based and related to a condition known as hypercalciuria, an inherited condi­ tion which causes stones when calcium is consumed in excess. Some other causes can include cystinuria and hyperoxaluria (two rare, inherited disorders of the metabo­ lism), hyperuricosuria (a disorder of the uric acid metabolism), gout, excess intake of Vitamin D, blockage of the urinary tract (as in urethral stricture disease), and some diuretics. Even calcium­based antacids have been known to cause problems in some people.

Additionally, people with chronic inflam­ mation of the bowel or those who have had an intestinal bypass surgery or ostomy oper­ ation may be at risk, as well as those who take a protease inhibitor known as endeav­ or, which is commonly used to treat HIV related infections.

One thing that is known: once a person gets a kidney stone, he is more likely to develop more of them in the future.

Types of kidney stones

1. Calcium phosphate stones are com­ mon and easily dissolve in urine acidified by vitamin C. 2. Calcium oxalate stones are also com­

Getting the right lift

Over the past couple of weeks we have been looking an Erectile Dysfunction and I want to conclude this peek at a very com­ mon problem by giving readers a look at foods that can increase the sexual drive and pleasure potential.

Sesame Seeds: With no less than 8 nutrients they will help infertility, improve drive and help with overall health.

Spinach: Seven essential nutrients including Co Enzyme Q10, needed by every sell in the body.

Almonds: A rich source of fatty acids and regulate the production of sex hormones.

Also help to prevent infertility.

Pumpkins: Often seen as a symbol of fertility in some cultures. The seeds help to protect the prostate.

Strawberries, blackberries and rasp­ berries: Packed full nutrients and look sen­ sual and have long been known as aphro­ disiacs. They are rich in iron a trace ele­ ment needed for arousal.

Prawns contain huge amounts of zinc, magnesium and amino acids which help to regulate mood and increase sexual appetite. Ginger is one of the world’s longest known aphrodisiacs, this stimulant

thins the blood and encourages prolonged erectile function. Can be used in cooking or as a drink with hot water.

Pine nuts: One of the richest sources of zinc, the most important trace element for sexual behaviour. Needed for sperm motili­ ty and the production of enzymes neces­ sary for sexual arousal Beetroot: Full of nitrates which converts the blood into nitric oxide a chemical in the body bloodstream that allows you to get an erection by dilating the blood vessels in the penis which allows the flow of blood.

I hope that this snapshot of information has been helpful and remember that the first port of call shouldn’t be strong medi­ cines with countless dangerous side effects. Please always consult with your doctor for help with this very important problem We have JUST PERCEIVED a Private and Confidential Report by DR. Steven Lamm of New York University School of Medicine telling of his biological break­ through to help Erectile Dysfunction avail­ able via ourselves at 10 euros per copy.

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mon but they do not dissolve in acid urine.

3. Magnesium ammonium phosphate (struvite) stones are much less common, often appearing after an infection. They dis­ solve in vitamin C acidified urine.

4. Uric acid stones result from a problem metabolizing purines (the chemical base of adenine, xanthine, theobromine [in choco­ late] and uric acid). They may form in a con­ dition such as gout.

5. Cystine stones result from a hereditary inability to reabsorb cystine. Most children's stones are this type, and these are rare.

Symptoms of kidney stones

While kidney stones don’t always cause symptoms, most of the time they do. The first symptom of a kidney stone is usually extreme pain. Kidney stones block the flow of urine and pain occurs when the stones try to shift and move. This causes a sharp, cramping pain, usually in the back and side in the area of the kidney or in the lower abdomen, and may be accompanied by a blood­tinted urine. Occasionally nausea and vomiting will accompany the pain and the patient may experience the need to urinate more. However, when they do go to urinate, they may experience a pressure and burn­ ing sensation. If there is a presence of fever

Fortunately, surgery is rarely necessary for the removal of kidney stones and most usually pass naturally. Drinking 2­3 pints of water per day may help to flush out the sys­ tem.

When a person cannot pass the stone through the urine, however, there are treat­ ments available to remove or crush them, including: • Inserting a small instrument through the urethra (the tube through which a person passes urine from the body) to “snare” the stone and remove it.

• Shock wave lithotripsy, whereby the stone is crushed. Once the stone is crushed, a person can pass the smaller pieces.

• Surgery.

Kidney stone prevention

• Drink more liquids. Drinking 8­10 glass­ es of liquid each day helps to keep the urine dilute, which reduces the concentration of stone forming minerals in the urine. At least half of the liquid should be water; the other liquids could be any beverages you like.

• Reduce the amount of salt you eat.

• Be sure your diet contains adequate amounts of calcium.

• Avoid those foods which can increase the amount of oxalate or uric acid in the urine: chocolate, anchovies, rhubarb, caviar, greens, herring, berries, scallops, peanuts, mussels, asparagus, organ meats (liver, kid­ neys, and brains), tea, meat, extracts, broth, bouillon, consommé.

• Cranberry is known to help some people develop fewer kidney stones.

ARE YOU SLEEPING ENOUGH? DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC Email your questions and comments to contact@medb.es

In general, a third of any population do not get enough sleep, and women are far more affected than men. When we don’t get quality sleep, we feel exhausted during the day, and are unable to concen­ trate on the task ahead.

And these are only the ini­ tial problems from lack of sleep. Over time however, the entire body starts to break down because sleep is necessary to repair and regenerate continually damaged tissues and organs. During the night, the pineal gland secretes the hormone melatonin which in turn stimulates the production of vitally impor­ tant Growth hormones.

These growth hormones and growth factors are responsible for repairing damaged tissue especially

muscle, but also other active organs such as the brain and the kidneys.

Interestingly, these hor­ mones are at their highest levels between the hours of 10pm and 2 am. Melatonin is also the base material for producing serotonin, the ‘feel good hormone’. The recommendation is to sleep 8 hours a day, however many people feel great with just 6 hours sleep a day.

Furthermore, as we grow older we tend to need less sleep. What is important is not the number of hours you sleep, but the quality of sleep you are getting.

Sleeping for 4 straight hours may be more benefi­ cial to the body than 12 hours of broken sleep.

There are basically 2 stages of sleep – REM (Rapid Eye Movement) and

Non­REM (Non Rapid Eye Movement). REM sleep is deep and regenerative, while in NREM we are anx­ ious and easily awoken.

The right surrounding is vital to ensure good quality sleep. Darkness is needed for good sleep, so make sure lights are turned off in your bedroom. Use a cur­ tain if necessary. Keep your mobile phones and deck phones away from your bedroom. Many peo­ ple are sensitive to electro­ magnetic waves and unaware. Lastly, empty your mind and relax your body. Mental Chatter is a big cause of insomnia.

FOR FULL BODY DIAG­ NOSIS AND THERAPY CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965071745

Friday, May 23, 2014

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Friday, May 23, 2014

GET THE SAFEST SCAN

Q A

How safe are medical diagnostic scans?

Diagnostic scans are useful for look­ ing inside the body. The most popu­ lar kinds available are X­rays, CT scans, MRI’s endoscopies, and blood tests.

Other kinds of diagnostic scans are EEG (Electroencephalograph) and ECG (Electrocardiograph). X­rays and blood tests are routinely used in hospitals because they are cheap. However X­ rays expose the body to deadly ionizing radiation. The damaging effects of x­rays are cumulative, so the more x­rays a person is exposed to, the greater the damage to their organs. X­rays have been associated with many chronic dis­ eases especially many kinds of cancers.

Recent studies have shown that mam­ mograms (breast x­rays) contribute to 20% of all breast cancers. CT scans are like X­rays on steroids. CT scans takes a 3D picture of the body, and in the process, exposes the body to thousands of times more radiation than X­rays.

Many studies have suggested that the rampant use of cheap CT scans have contributed to the current high incidence of cancer. MRIs are similar to CT scans

in a lot of ways, but they are a lot safer.

However, because MRI’s are expensive, they are rarely recommended to patients in public hospitals. ECG’s and EEG’s are also safe and effective diagnostic tech­ nologies because they measure the fre­ quencies or vibrations coming from the body to reach a diagnosis. The diagnos­ tic scan performed at MedB clinic is the most advanced form of diagnostics avail­ able anywhere in the world today. Unlike other diagnostic imaging technologies such as MRIs that is subject to human error during result analysis, our technol­ ogy uses advanced computerized sys­ tems and calculations to make a diagno­ sis. And this way the analysis has an accuracy of 96%. The scan also checks for toxins in all the organs of the body, and in the process also carry out a blood test, without blood samples. To book a full body scan or to find out more, call 965071745 or visit: www.medb.es

Q A

How to Look Younger with MitoQ anti­ageing serum

MitoQ is an anti­ageing skincare serum, formulated with a super active form of Co­enzyme Q10. Many people are aware of Co­enzyme Q10

because it has been available as an anti­ ageing supplement since the early 1980s. This is because CoQ10 is required as a nutrient by every cell in the body especially by very active cells such as those in the heart, brain, kidney, mus­ cles and skin. But as we grow older, our bodies make less and less of this vital nutrient. In fact, CoQ10 levels start to fall in our thirties, when the ageing process becomes apparent. In skin cells, this reduction in the levels of CoQ10 causes a fall in the production of the proteins collagen and elastin – the lack of which results in the skin developing fine lines, wrinkles, pigmentation problems as well as thinner skin as we age. MitoQ was formulated by scientists in Cambridge and New Zealand, while studying the mitochondria (the power house of cells).

They stumbled upon a way to deliver CoQ10 directly into the mitochondria and to penetrate skin cells 1000 times more than anyone else had done in the past.

By doing so, skin cells become more energized, and are able to produce more collagen and elastin like they did in our youth, as well as pump out from the cells toxins and waste products that have accumulated in the cells over the years,

further contributing to skin ageing. One of the biggest causes of skin ageing is sunlight, in a process known as photo­ ageing. Ultraviolet rays from the sun increases the skins production of deadly toxins known as free radicals. These free radicals cause oxidative damage to the layers of the skin, and this way speeds up the ageing process, in a manner sim­ ilar to the damaging effects of cigarettes.

MitoQ being the most powerful anti­oxi­ dant ever created neutralizes the effect of these deadly free radicals, and by doing so, starts to reverse the photo­ ageing effects of sunlight. Many people have noticed a difference in their appearance from the first day of using MitoQ. But in general the anti­ageing benefits beginning to become noticeable within the first week of use, and these benefits are – reduced fine lines, and wrinkles, firmer skin, fading of age spots, even skin tone, resulting in a brighter, firmer and healthier complexion. It is designed for both men and women. A bottle of MitoQ is about 50 ml and lasts between 6 and 8 weeks. You can buy it from MedB at a special discount price and offer of 85 Euros per bottle. Delivery is free. Call MedB on 965071745

Friday, May 23, 2014

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Friday, May 23, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

GRANADA LEADS IN STAGS AND HENS Granada has become Spain's favourite destination for groups cel­ ebrating hen or stag parties, large­ ly due to its exciting attractions and low prices including quality, budget hotels and cut­price bars and restaurants, plus monuments and craft markets with a Middle Eastern and North African feel.

Tours in 'donkey taxis' and limou­ sines, flamenco parties and Arab­ style hammams or eastern spa­ baths are some of the favourite fun ways to spend daytimes and evenings – as well as, of course, the iconic Mediaeval Islamic jewel in the city's crown, the Alhambra Palace, one of the finalists for 2007's New Seven Wonders of the World contest.

And the proliferation of bars, nightclubs, budget hotels, restaurants and the tradition of a free tapa or snack with every alcoholic drink means the night life is also promising for weekend­long parties.

Companies offering hen and stag pack­ ages have been on the increase since Granada began to gain popularity for these

celebrations in 2007, tailoring weekend trips to individual budgets and interests – some seek wild parties, others prefer unique themed trips, some prefer quiet getaways, and a few even spend their trip in sports tournaments.

These days, the tradition in Spain is for couples to celebrate together with their own and with mutual friends, and event organis­ ers cater for this type of weekend away, whether the couple is a man and a woman or two of either.

TWITTER TWITS

A 19 year old man has been arrested after writing comments on Twitter 'celebrating' the murder of MP for León Isabel Carrasco, and calling for numerous other members of the PP party to be shot. The accused, who has not been named but whose Twitter user­ name is RastaBullSmoker, wrote: “Aixina es faa ostia!” (That's the way to do it!), “A matar­ los a tots!” (Let's kill them all!), “Més tirs al cap de PPeros!” (Let's have more PP mem­ bers shot in the head!), and “Isabel CarrasKO.” The youth, from Tavernes de la Valldigna in Valencia province continued in the same vein and in the regional language, valen­ ciano, by writing: “Now they only need to kill Rajoy, Soraya Sáez (sic) de Santa María, Aguirre, Aznar, Fabra, Paquito [Francisco] Camps, Rita Barberá, Cospedal...” In later messages, the accused added, “Line them up for me side by side and give me an AK­ 47, and watch how I finish off all those sons of bitches and [expletive] fascists.”

Guardia Civil officers turned up at his home, carried out a search and seized a lap­ top, five USB memory sticks, three hard drives, five memory cards, a computer tower and a mobile telephone. They then arrested the teen on charges of apology for murder,

saying the messages showed his 'agree­ ment' with the fatal shooting of the PP leader for León provincial council.

Meanwhile another man aged 21, from Burriana in Castellón province has been caught and charged with 'serious threats'.

He wrote "the best way is to get rid of those corrupt [expletives] involves bullets.

Seriously, it would end the stupidity quickly," and then, "not in the way they want, either.

You only have to look at the state of this country, I'm sure my method would work bet­ ter." This comes after another man aged 19 was taken into custody in Jerez de la Frontera in Cádiz province for creating a song with lyrics inciting to murder more PP politicians.

Spain’s oldest Roman aqueduct, and the oldest found out of Italy, is in the Murcia region. Local experts say that one in Cartagena pre­dates the country’s most famous example in the Segovia region, which is a magnet for thousands of tourists each year, Researchers at Murcia University have confirmed that the irrigation system created by an aqueduct and public springs close to the Naval city and the popular golf and spa tourist resorts is the most ancient in main­ land Spain and Portugal, dating back to over 100 years BC. Although it has long since crumbled into ruins, two inscriptions found near the site together with other literary and iconographic material already held in museums have proven that there was indeed a water­carry­ ing bridge in the area and that it was the first to be built outside of Italy during the days of the powerful Roman Empire.

Other famous examples in Spain, besides the internationally­renowned one in Segovia, are in Córdoba in the south, Tarragona in the north­east and Mérida in the land­locked western region of Extremadura. These were originally considered to be the oldest until

the recent findings in Cartagena. According to investigators, this discovery will allow his­ torians to find out more about 'the role of Pompeii and its legacy in Hispania', espe­ cially in the south­east of the mainland.

Their findings came from a hydro­geologi­ cal study conducted jointly with Cartagena Polytechnic University to find out how the port city was supplied with water over the course of history, from the Miocene era to the present day. The full report has been published in the German geological journal Zeitschrift für Papyrologie und Epigraphic, which includes a reconstruction of various historical eras in the Cartagena area.

Clamour for Ibiza jobs CARTAGENA TAKES IT

Queues of thousands of young people looking to work in Ibiza nightclubs this sum­ mer have been spilling onto Barcelona’s streets after interviews started in the city last week. Around 170 jobs are up for grabs as dancers, bar staff and cloakroom atten­ dants, but so far over 2,000 people have put their names down. Most are in their twenties and many are graduates, and they will be expected to speak at least one for­ eign language. English, French and

German are so far the most sought­after and the most prolific among candidates. A significant number of those joining the queue are qualified nurses and industrial engineers who cannot find jobs in their cho­ sen field. They say they do not care about having no holiday time to relax on the beach or by the pool this summer – they simply want to make ends meet and hope­ fully save enough money to survive the win­ ter financially.

Friday, May 23, 2014

SPANISH NEWS

ALL IN THE SANGRIA? Spanish women are close to being world lead­ ers in the longevity stakes, with only their Japanese counterparts living longer, new World Health Organization figures show.

The ladies of Spain lived to an average ripe old age of 85.1 years in 2012, behind only the Japanese who live an average 87 years.

While Spanish women share second place with similary healthy Singaporean and Swiss women, the country's men­ folk don't make it into glob­ al the top ten. That group had an average life expectancy of 79 in 2012, behind world leaders Iceland (81.2), Switzerland

(80.7) and Australia (80.5).

Much of the gain in life expectancy in Spain and other developed countries was down to the success in tackling noncommunicable diseases, said Dr Ties Boerma, Director of the Department of Health Statistics and Information

Systems at the WHO. "Fewer men and women are dying before they get to their 60th birthday from heart disease and stroke.

Richer countries have become better at monitor­ ing and managing high blood pressure for exam­ ple," Boerma said.

COSTCO COMES TO SPAIN

Some 15 thousand “members” have signed up for Spain’s first Costco store, which opened for business in Sevilla at the end of last week. Costco is one of the world’s largest retailers, with 650 warehous­ es in nine countries. The Seville experiment is its first step to expand into continental Europe, with it already having 25 stores in the UK. If things go well, Costco has plans to open in Madrid, Barcelona and Valencia.

Besides more competition, Costco also represents a business model that is new to Spain: the warehouse club, which requires customers to pay an annual fee, in exchange for the promise of lower prices.

Under the system, customers buy low­ priced products in bulk from a limited range, which Costco chooses based on the suppli­ er’s willingness to offer lower wholesale rates. A similar wholesale cash­and­carry chain, Makro, has been in Spain for years, but is only open to business customers.

Costco’s annual membership fee is in the range of €25 to €30.

In the US, the company’s gross profit mar­ gin is around 10%, while in Spain, the mar­ gin will be closer to 20%. Costco will only offer around 3,500 products, compared with the 8,000 or so on display at midsize super­ markets.

A city in Spain’s northern Basque region has been given the title of the most expensive city in the country with living costs nearly a third higher than the national average. San for the treatment he’s receiving for his ill­ Sebastián, or Donostia ness. as it is called in the Spanish judges often declare people with Basque Country, is sur­ disabilities incapacitated to protect them prisingly pricier than from making poor financial or life choice Spain’s big two cities: decisions. Under current laws, people auto­ Madrid and Barcelona. matically lose the right to vote when they are Price comparison website Kelisto.com found declared 'incapacitated' for other purposes. the Basque city to be 29.3% more expensive Mental disabilities association FEAPS put than the average taken from 50 provincial the number of people affected by this legal capitals across Spain. Madrid came in sec­ grey area at a little under 80,000. ond (+28.7%), Barcelona third (+26.2%) and

the Catalan city of Tarragona was fourth (+18.2%). On the other side of the chart are Spain’s North African exclave of Ceuta (­ 27.7 percent), Teruel in Aragon (­15.2%) and Palencia in Castile and Leon (­14.4%).

DISABLED MAN WINS VOTE

Valencia's High Court of Justice has overturned a previous ruling which pre­ vented a mentally disabled man from voting in Spanish elections. According to the judge, the court that made that previous ruling had failed to "respect the digni­ ty" or the "self­sufficiency" of the young man when reaching the verdict.

"It’s one thing to not be able to look after yourself and your own money and another to be stopped from doing so," the court heard.

The 2013 verdict had pre­ vented the young man with learning difficul­ ties from voting, a decision that goes against the UN’s International Convention of Human Rights with regard to people with disabilities.

The court confirmed that the claimant was able to understand simple explanations and reach his own decisions, acknowledging that his voting choice "hadn’t been questioned by those who knew him directly" and would "seem to be a suitable therapeutic measure"

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GO NORTH AND PAY

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Friday, May 23, 2014

CHEAP AND CHEERFUL EASY SAUSAGE AND POTATO CASSEROLE Ingredients 1tbsp oil 500g new potatoes, halved 454g pack sausages 1 onion, sliced (200g) 1 green pepper, diced (170g) 340g jar tomato pasta sauce

Method

1. Heat the oil in a large frying pan and fry the potatoes and sausages for 5 mins.

2. Add the onion and pepper and cook for a further 5 mins, turning the sausages occasion­ ally until browned.

3. Add the pasta sauce, rinse the jar out with a splash of water and add to the pan. Cook, cov­

ered for 5 mins.

CHICKEN PESTO PANINI Ingredients 4 slices crusty white bread Olive oil, for brushing 2tbsp pesto sauce 150g cooked sliced chicken 2 plum tomatoes, sliced 115g Cheddar or Mozzarella cheese, sliced Few large fresh basil leaves

Method

1. Heat a large cast­iron skillet or griddle pan until very hot.

2. Lightly brush one side of each piece of bread with olive oil and place, oiled­side down, on the hot surface. Cook for 1­2 mins until golden and crisp, pressing down gently with a spat­ ula.

3. Spread the pesto over two slices of the bread (the uncooked sides) then top with the chicken, tomatoes and sliced cheese. Place under a medium­hot grill for 1­2 mins until the cheese has melted. Top with the basil leaves and remaining slices of bread. Cut in half and serve.

QUICK COURGETTE AND LEMON PASTA Ingredients 150g (5oz) pappardelle pasta 1 teaspoon olive oil

1 courgette, grated 1 clove garlic, peeled and crushed Finely grated zest and juice of 1 lemon 3 tablespoons ricotta cheese

Method

1. Cook the pasta in boiling, salted water for 10 mins.

2. Heat the olive oil in a pan, stir in the grated courgette and garlic and cook for 3 mins.

3. Add the lemon zest and juice and the ricotta cheese.

4. Drain the pasta, season well and stir in the courgette mix­ ture.

CORNED BEEF HASH Ingredients 340g can corned beef, cut into bite size pieces 567g can new potatoes, drained and thickly sliced 198g can sweetcorn, drained 1 onion, thinly sliced 2tsp English mustard powder 1tbsp Worcester sauce 2tbsp vegetable oil 4 eggs 1tbsp parsley, finely chopped Crusty bread

Method 1. Place corned beef in a bowl, add mustard powder and Worcester sauce and mix well.

2. In a large frying pan, heat oil, add onion and fry until soft.

Friday, May 23, 2014 3. Add potatoes and continue frying until they begin to turn brown.

4. Add corned beef and sweetcorn, continue frying until all the ingredients are heated through.

5. Stir through the parsley, place on a warm serving dish and keep warm. Fry the eggs and serve immediately on top of the corned beef.

6. Delicious served with crusty bread.

BASIL AND MOZZARELLA CHEESEBURGER Ingredients 400g lean mince beef 2 handfuls of fresh picked basil leaves 4 spring onions, white parts only, finely chopped Salt and freshly ground pepper to season 2 burger buns 2 slices firm mozzarella cheese

Method 1. Chop ¾ of the basil and all the spring onions then, in a bowl, combine with the mince. Season with salt and pepper.

2. Flatten out into 2.5cm­3.5cm thick burger patties.

3. Add a little oil to a frying pan and cook the burgers to the

way you like them (medium­ rare takes about 4 mins each side; 6 mins per side for well done).

4. Toward the end of cooking, place a slice of mozzarella on top of each burger and allow to melt a little.

5. Place on lightly toasted burger buns garnish and with more basil leaves.

BACON AND CHEESE PASTA Ingredients Pasta shapes or spaghetti (about 50g to 75g per per­ son) 6 rashers bacon, chopped 10 mushrooms, chopped 1 onion, chopped 1 clove garlic, crushed 25g (1oz) butter 25g (1oz) flour 1/2 pint of milk Handful of grated cheese

Method

1. Cook the pasta in boiling water according to packet instructions.

2. Meanwhile, fry the bacon, mushrooms, onion and garlic for 10 mins, until done.

3. In a separate pan, melt the butter and add the flour.

4. Gradually stir in the milk, whisking to get rid of any lumps.

5. Bring the sauce to the boil, then simmer. Add the cheese and allow it to melt.

6. Take the sauce off the heat, mix in the bacon, mushrooms, onion and gar­ lic. Pour over the drained pasta and serve.

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Friday, May 23, 2014

STRANGE BUT TRUE Bah bah drug sheep

Thousands of sheep in New South Wales, Australia, are getting high on a rare, toxic pea plant which spread after the dev­ astating bush fires last January A poisonous plant which makes sheep behave like 'heroin addicts' is turning them suicidal by causing them to bash their own skulls open on rocks.

The darling pea is a highly addictive plant which is killing the farm animals across the region, making them act 'drunk' and out of control ­ leading to their death.

Local veterinarian Bob McKinnon said: "They lose weight to start with and then get staggery, the progression gets worse, they get uncoordinated and depressed, they don't know where their feet are."

He also said they displayed symptoms of 'staring eyes', 'head pressing' and 'muscle tremors' until they eventually 'just go to a post and bang their head on it till they crack their heads open'.

Mr McKinnon added: "It's like dealing with a thousand heroin addicts."

Farmers Stephen and Louise Knight have lost 800 sheep to the deadly plant, which is from the Swainsona family of desert peas which is native to Australia.

It attacks by building up toxins in the ani­ mals who graze on it for extended periods then attacks an enzyme in their metabolism ­ and cripples the animal's central nervous system.

Mrs Knight said: "It was just devastating, they weren't there when we went to get them.

"The fire was a distressing thing to have happen, we lost so many stock, fences, pasture ­ and then for it to come back with a terrible noxious plant like this, it's awful and very distressing."

There is no known cure for the affliction, other than weaning the animals off the plant.

Spider 'Crufts'

More than 50,000 tarantulas were on dis­ play at this year's British Tarantula Society Exhibition, which has become known as the 'Crufts of the spider world'.

The event, held on Sunday at the Ricoh Arena in Coventry, fea­ tured prizes in a number of categories, including Best New World Species and Best In Show.

More than 800 different types of the creepy crawly were presented, with judges looking for how healthy the spiders were and whether their hair was the right shade for

their type.

Organiser Ray Hale of the British Tarantula Society said the annual show started as a 'bit of fun' 29 years ago, and has since grown into a serious competition.

He told BBC 5 Live that none of the tarantulas had escaped ­ thank goodness ­ and that the event had been a 'great success'.

Visitors could buy "a variety of arachnids, scorpions, stick insects, beetles and other insects throughout the day", Hale said, and also seek equipment and advice for looking after their cute little eight­legged friend.

Return of the hoverbike

Have you ever watched Star Wars: Return of the Jedi and wished you had a hoverbike like the ones Luke and Leia race through the forests of Endor?

Well, with the Aero­X hoverbike you'll soon be able to ­ and you'll only need a weekend of training to be able to fly it.

The futuristic vehicle, which boasts carbon fiber rotors instead of wheels, will be as easy to ride as a motorcycle, but with speeds of 42 mph, it may not be

ready for the terrain of Endor just yet.

In 2012, Aerofex Corp released a video of the bike hovering above a dry lake bed in the Mojave Desert, it can fly up to 9ft above

ground and is steered like a motorbike.

The Aero­X can only transport two people at a time ­ not great for the school run ­ and can run for about 75 minutes on a full tank of fuel ­ but it still looks awesome.

Aerofex founder, Mark De Roche said: "The Aero­X's intuitive operation, low cost, and unique capabilities make it suitable for disaster relief, search and rescue, and patrolling borders and game parks."

Friday, May 23, 2014

The Vista Card For great discounts, cut out The Vista Card below and present it to participating businesses

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Friday, May 23, 2014

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Friday, May 23, 2014

HAPPY RASCALS GREEN FINGERS

The Rascals latest variety show, “Best of Times is Now” is heading to Guardamar’s Casa de Cultura this Thursday (May 29th), with the curtain going up at 7.30pm. The Rascals got off to a flying start with two performances in Los Montesinos last week that raised a bumper 2,400 Euros which was split

May’s meeting of the Vega Baja Garden Club learnt all about cacti from Anna van Dijk, whilst Ron Harris talked all about between Age Concern to buy new wheel­ roses, including their individual smells. chairs, and to get a hospital bed for Los It’s been a busy month for the club with a Montesinos social services.

The special 3 day trip to check out the patio Guardamar show will be raising money for gardens in Cordoba(pictured). The next the Alzheimer’s Association and tickets meeting will be on Monday June 2nd are priced at just 6 Euros. They are on sale at the venue or can be reserved by phoning Sue on 966 784 874.

DEMENTIA SUPPORT

before the club take a summer break before picking up things again in September. They meet at 1.45pm for 2.00pm start at the Los Rosales Restaurant on CV895 Lemon Tree Road between Guardamar and Los Montesinos, with more details available from Val Duckworth on 966 716 527.

NAUGHTY GRANNY

A newly­formed San Javier­based group that helps the car­ ers of dementia sufferers, AMMA, welcomed Rosemary Westwell to their latest meeting, where she read excerpts from her book, “John, Dementia and Me”, a novel based on her experiences with her husband as he succumbed to dementia. The next AMMA meeting will be on Friday May 30th at Lui’s Lounge, at the San Javier Camp Site at 11.30am and the group will also be at Lo Pagan on Saturday May 31st sharing a stall with Raquel Peña where they will have leaflets in English and Spanish about the organisation. For more information, contact lainnes@hotmail.co.uk.

If you would like Rosemary to speak to your group, please feel welcome to contact her on: rjwestwell@hotmail.com

CATWALK CUTIES

The latest fashions helped to raise nearly 800 Euros for Help Murcia Mar Menor at a fashion show and tea party at Camping Las Encinas, San Javier. 8 ladies grabbed the chance to model the clothes by walking around the pool in a very successful after­ noon. HMMM’s next event is a Treasure Hunt on Saturday June 14th, starting from Don Lorenzo’s, Los Urrutias, kicking off with lunch at 1.00pm. Call Janice on 650 737 383 for tickets.

it ends up being a somewhat madcap occa­ sion! There’ll be two performances on Saturday May 31st and Sunday 1st June, and tickets are available from Bargain Books in San Miguel or from David on 966 704 097, with all proceeds going to the AFC Alzheimer’s Association in Torrevieja.

ON YOUR BIKE!

DOUBLE DELIGHT

It’s a buy one, get one free treat for local choral lovers at the start of next month, when the Orihuela Costa Male Voice Choir (pictured) hook up with the youngsters of Cantemos! for a special concert on Sunday June 1st. Conductor Nigel Hopkins brings both his choirs together for an evening at the Asturias Restaurante in Punta Prima, which starts at 7.30pm, with a varied pro­ gramme of songs ranging from the classics to ABBA. Tickets are just 6 Euros, and can be bought from La Pondersosa shop on La Zenia island, or at the door.

ALL CONFIRMED

Last Sunday was a day to remember for a group of people from the Chaplaincy of St Peter and Paul who were “Confirmed” in a spe­ cial ceremony at the La Siesta Church Centre in Torrevieja. The confirmands were Colin Anderson from La Siesta; Thomas Gladwell of Los Balcones; Sandra Harbut from Lago Jardin; and Michael Walker of La Marina. They

It’s not your typical hen party as you’ll find out for yourself in the latest production from The Actors Studio, which will hit the boards of San Miguel’s Casa de Cultura next week­ end. “Granny’s Hen Night” features some­ body wanting to catch up on doing some­ thing that was unthinkable 30 years ago, and

were supported by members of each of their own congregations at the ceremony. The Officiating Celebrant at the Confirmation Service was the Honorary Assistant Bishop ­ The Right Reverend Michael Colclough who was assisted by the Chaplain, the Revd Christopher Scargill and many other members of the Chaplaincy’s Ministry Team.

Two hardy cyclists are getting ready to push full out for some pedal power on a 21 day trek to raise money for the cancer support charity MABS Murcia Mar Menor and for cys­ tic fibrosis. The journey will take them from Murcia all the way to Stroud in Gloucestershire, and will begin on Saturday May 31st, with 67 year old Keith and 70 year old George looking to hit the finish line around June 21st. Not too surprisingly the idea was hatched after a few beers! Sponsor forms are still available from the MABS Charity Shop in San Javier.

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Friday, May 23, 2014

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 The only good thing about being on an emotional roller coaster is that you never feel the same way for long, Aries. One moment you're up, the next you're down.

You can't figure out what it is you want today. Rather than bring your loved ones along on this wild ride, why not take some time away from your usual environment?

You'll be a lot better off alone.

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 You might want to check your alarm clock to be sure it really woke you up this morn­ ing, Taurus. Your tendency will be to stay in the cocoon of your own little dream world, deep in your own thoughts. Obsessive thoughts, in particular, will try and drown out some more pressing issues from the past that really need to be dealt with once and for all. "Ring, ring!" It's time to wake up!

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 There is something in the air today push­ ing you toward change or renewal, Gemini. Is it time to change your wardrobe or redecorate your home? If so, this is the day. If you have monetary restrictions, you'll find it just as fulfilling (and a whole lot cheaper) to simply rid your home of all the things that just aren't "you" anymore.

Surround yourself with the things you love.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 The good news is it can only get better. For today, however, there may be some trying times in store, Cancer. If you're a parent, the children will beg for something every five minutes. At work, you'll feel pressure from all sides. Not even your love life is immune from the doubt that seems to hover over you. No compromise is possible today. Just sit tight and know that calmer days are coming.

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 Today is the day to rethink all those social values that you take at face value, Leo. Like the rest of us, you learned them at a young age and unthinkingly accepted them. Established concepts of propriety are especially deserving of consideration.

After hearing for years about all those things that “just aren't done," isn't it refreshing to think that maybe they should be done after all?

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 Today is an ideal day to shop for a new wardrobe, Virgo. You may find your usual style either too conventional or uncomfort­ ably trendy. Often when you're out shop­ ping, you'll reject an item you really like for fear that it's too suggestive or old fashioned.

Perhaps you should listen to your own judg­ ment for a change instead of being so con­ cerned with what other people might think.

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 The topic of the day is knowledge and learning, Libra. Did you study the field you dreamed of? Do you feel ashamed of not having attended such­and­such a school or program? If those sorts of issues are uppermost on your mind, remember that your creativity has little to do with the degrees you hold and every­ thing to do with how you use your skills and knowledge to better the world.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 An important aspect has passed, and you are in the process of reaping the benefit from it, Scorpio. It was only a matter of becoming aware of and settling certain matters related to your need for social recognition. Don't be so hungry for approval, Scorpio. Most peo­ ple contain a stern inner authority figure and can survive comfortably and self­sufficiently.

In fact, it's your greatest strength.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 You may feel hemmed in by the role models that society currently offers, Sagittarius. As you struggle to find your own definition of the truly modern human being, the people around you sometimes criticize your liberat­ ed attitude. Just because their ideas aren't in sync with yours in no way invalidates them. If your ideas are a tad too radical, theirs are too conventional. There's room for both points of view.

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 Today's aspects are suggesting that you take a good hard look at the state of your ego, Capricorn. Are you too proud or too humble? Buddhists say that the path to spiritual fulfillment lies in knowing how to build a healthy ego while at the same time developing a part of oneself com­ pletely foreign to the ego. Are you work­ ing hard at this?

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 A small crisis is still a crisis, isn't it, Aquarius?

Expect one in your personal life today. Since you aren't one to let issues go unresolved, you won't be able to put off dealing with your problems any longer. Questions abound.

Are work and responsibilities shared equally with your partner? Are you both making an equal effort to maintain relationship harmo­ ny? Asking the questions is the first step to answering them.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 Something has to change, Pisces. You knew it as soon as you woke up this morn­ ing. Your mirror provides the impetus for some important resolutions. Is it time to begin a diet, make a commitment to exer­ cise more, or strengthen your resolve to quit smoking? Anything you do to improve your health will make you feel better about your­ self. Buy some new clothes or get a haircut!

Other people will notice, too!

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Friday, May 23, 2014

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago hav­ ing left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Anne wanted to know why AVG was telling her ADVICE: Kathy was having problems connecting Internet Explorer to the Internet she was no longer protected.

Q

Hi Richard ­ a query please if you can help put our minds at ease.

Last year we downloaded AVG free in line with the article you put in the Courier. So we have AVG 2014 free but recently we have been prompted on screen to buy AVG with the comment we are no longer protected. We have ignored the prompts on the assumption that our free cover lasts 12 months before we renew with I suppose 2015 free cover ­ are we correct in that assumption or should we be doing something now? Hope you can help? Many thanks Barry & Anne

A

Hi guys, it sounds like your AVG has been “upgraded” to the trial version – as opposed to the free version.

Nothing wrong with this of course, however it will eventually ask you for a credit card and if you are happy enough with the free version then there is no real reason to upgrade.

You can downgrade it again pretty easily by going into the control panel and clicking on “uninstall a program”, then find AVG and click on “change”, you will then see a downgrade option to restore the AVG free 2014 edition – hope this helps.

QUESTION: Amanda wanted to know what the difference was between Google Chrome and Internet Explorer

Q A

Hi Richard, my friends keep telling me that I should be using Google Chrome? What is it and do I need it?

Hi Amanda, Google Chrome is a web browser (some­ thing that you use to look at Internet pages), it is just an alternative to using Microsoft Internet Explorer, other alternatives include FireFox and Safari. Most people find that Google Chrome works a little quicker than other browsers so, in my opinion, yes its worth using, but only if you are not happy with the speed of Internet Explorer.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twit­ ter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Q

Have managed to con­ nect my small LG notepad to the Wi­Fi at home but when I try to open internet explorer it won't con­ nect. Says address is invalid.

Am using windows XP.

A

Hi Kathy, it sounds like either there is a problem with Internet Explorer or your default home page is set to something that no longer exists.

You should be able to fix both of these things by resetting Internet Explorer.

Have a look at the following link, it should give you the instructions you need... http://www.bluemoonsolutions.es/faq/francis­was­having­a­frustrating­time­with­ facebook ...if not then come back to me and we can go from there.

ADVICE: Bob wanted to know how to transfer his photos from his phone to his computer

Q

Richard, how can I transfer my pho­ tos from my Samsung Galaxy S4 to my computer?

1. I have tried sending them to my email address 2. I attached them to my pc via a USB cable 3, I accessed the Control Panel and tried to add my phone as a new device

A

Hi Bob, usually when you connect a phone to a computer using a USB cable, the phone appears as a USB stick, so try clicking on “computer” once you have connect­ ed the phone and see if you can see it in there.

You may find that you need to put your phone in “PC Mode” after you connect it so look out for that

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

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Friday, May 23, 2014

FIT IN-CAR “BLACK BOX” OR FACE HIGHER INSURANCE COST Last week it was revealed that the European Parliament is planning to force carmakers to install data­logging “black box” telematics tracking devices in all new cars.

Now it has emerged that insurance com­ panies will soon look to penalise drivers unwilling to use a black box even in older cars.

The device for new cars, which seems certain to be made law in 2015, goes by the name of eCall, and originally started life as an aid to emergency response – as it is able to not only alert the authorities in the event of an accident, but also give some measure of the number of people involved and the severity.

However, in order to do this, the black box tracks your every automotive move, includ­ ing the time of day and the speed at which you were travelling. Helpful in terms of acci­ dent investigation after the fact, no doubt.

But what happens when insurance compa­ nies are given access to this data?

Black box insurance using aftermarket telematics devices, or even smartphone apps, already exists – but only on a volun­ tary basis. Now industry experts are saying that by 2020, half of all cars on the road will be fitted with some kind of tracking device.

Those unwilling to comply will find them­ selves facing higher insurance premiums, or even struggling to find anyone willing to insure them at all.

Speaking to The Telegraph, Gocompare’s Tom Ellis:

“In 10 years time there will still be cus­ tomers who prefer not to have a telematics device installed, [but] it will be an opt­out sit­ uation rather than opt­in “There will be reasons for people opting out – perhaps because they are bad drivers, or unhappy with the privacy element, or have an old car. But they will have to accept a higher premium to insure their car.”

Insurance companies are keen on the new technology, as it allows them to meas­ ure exactly how drivers behave behind the wheel. So although black box policies account for less than 1% of the total now, according to the British Insurance Brokers’ Association they have risen 60% since 2012.

Management consultancy, Boston Consulting Group – which also provided the 50% black box fitment figure above – pre­ dicts this rise to continue, to the extent where telematics accounts for 10% of all policies within the next three years, and 15% within the next five years.

However, Boston Consulting Group goes even further than this. Spokesperson Ofir Eyal: “We are aware of insurers considering whether they should only take on new cus­ tomers with telematics. We can see a situa­ tion where insurers will only be interested in certain types of customers, such as those who are willing to take a telematics policy.”

No black box, no insurance? It really could go that way…

What happens when you treat your 17­year­old son to a souped­up Honda Civic after passing his driving test?

Well, in the case of this Scottish teenager, appar­ ently he “talked the talk but certainly didn’t walk the walk.”

The result is what you see above. A young driver’s car on its roof after an over­ ambitious entry speed may not be anything particularly unusual, but in this case the boy’s dad advertised the car on classifieds site Gumtree, complete with a picture of the car on its roof and a very honest description.

Nat Clark’s father, Steve, said: “Due to son thinking he’s Colin McRae, I now have a 2000 Honda Civic 1.4 breaking for spares.

“One FOC [free of charge] 17­year­old

boy, complete with black eye ­ not from acci­ dent, administered by myself!”

Mr Clark told the Daily Mail that he wanted to shame his son into driving more carefully in the future. Since posting the advert online, he’s received messages of support from other parents of young drivers, and an offer of £370 for the car.

In the advert, he added: “He will be walking now, for a long time.”

Smashed car advertised online in bid to shame boy racer son

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Unfortunately, some of us accidently hit animals on the road from time to time. When one animal lover in China hit a chicken at 70mph head on, he feared the worst.

But by some clucking miracle the chicken survived, albeit it impaled into the cars bumper.

Apparently, the guy’s car was fitted with a cheap knockoff bumper that evidently shat­ tered upon impact.

Friday, May 23, 2014

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Friday, May 23, 2014

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 26 represents C and 22 represents Y, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Friendly (8) 5 Overtake (4) 9 Ecstasy (5) 10 Chief (7) 11 Unusual (3) 12 Deduce (5) 13 Frightening (5) 14 Chauvinist (5) 17 Twelve months (4) 19 Net (4) 21 Exhausted (5) 24 Sturdy (5) 25 Sustain (5) 27 Small bed (3) 28 Boat race meeting (7) 29 Concise (5) 30 Companion (4) 31 Daring (8)

1 Grant (7) 2 Boss (5) 3 Take in (6) 4 Toady (6) 6 Stir violently (7) 7 Regretful (5) 8 Banquet (5) 15 Sprite (3) 16 Possess (3) 18 Amid (7) 20 Tackle (7) 21 Declare (5) 22 Get away (6) 23 Giggle (6) 24 Go away (5) 26 Cut up (5)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Clarinet, 9 Lookout, 10 Adder, 11 Away, 12 Dead Sea, 15 Spoken, 16 Hassle, 19 Parsley, 21 Fret, 24 Guess, 25 Examine, 26 Side, 27 Strikers.

Down: 1 Collapse, 2 Avocado, 3/5 Iron Lady, 4 Esteem, 6 Addle, 7 Yard, 8 Cardiac, 13 Persist, 14 Restless, 17 Surmise, 18 Relent, 20 Ahead, 22 Ages, 23 Mali.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Down Across 2 Tim returns with ruler, 1 Type of seabird. You’ll goodness (5) find ‘em back in this south­ 3 Coax wheeled contrap­ west region (4) tion (7) 4 A host injured by muske­ 4 A Kipling hero, unfinished teer (5) boy, with hands on hips (6) 9 Salieri composition for 5 Copper initially swaps Jerusalem resident (7) 10 National prime minister bottle opener for heroin as a sideline (5) beheaded (5) 11 Disliked death, as it 6 Cricketer DJ (7) were (5) 7 Comes down with some­ 12 Bean toy, used as a thing for the cat (6) weapon (7) 8 Present head of 13 Sweet German bread Government if time (4) with middle missing is hot 14 Turk’s seat (7) (6) 15 Gangster going around 16 Swimming stroke not Turkey in souped­up car used by Chappell in infa­ mous cricket match (4,3) (3,3) 19 He will throw an earth­ 17 Wonder about depress­ enware vessel (7) ing experience (6) 21 Joint mix up below (5) 18 Attempts to contain 23 Ray gets a letter from British social divisions (6) Greece (5) 19 Call for part of a book 24 Read with feeling (7) (4) 25 A nest I’d find back in a 20 Had or drunk reservoir hot place (5) 26 Irish county’s Lord (5) 22 Goat’s club (5) Mayor’s Show (4) STANDARD CLUES Down Across 2 Be worthy of (5) 1 Diving duck (4) 3 Cajole (7) 4 Oldest Musketeer (5) 4 Hands­on­hips position 9 Someone from Tel Aviv (6) (7) 5 Pastime (5) 10 Russian pancake (5) 6 Angler’s lure (7) 11 Detested (5) 7 Illuminations (6) 12 Rifle attachment (7) 8 Present (4) 13 Filched (6) 14 Thick cushion used as a 15 Racing car (3,3) seat (7) 19 Ewer (7) 16 Throwing style (4,3) 21 Arm joint (5) 17 Depressant (6) 23 Greek letter (5) 18 Clans (6) 24 Form of written lan­ 19 One side of a book leaf guage for the blind (7) (4) 25 Insect’s nest (5) 20 Secret store (5) 26 Irish county (4) 22 Male goat (5) Last weeks Solution Across: 7 Demons, 8 Anodes, 9 Case, 10 Easterly, 11 Teacher, 13 Jaunt, 15 Jaded, 17 Factory, 20 Nominate, 21 Tool, 22 Fillip, 23 Nerves.

Down: 1 Relate, 2 Tome, 3 Ushered, 4 Lasso, 5 Tolerant, 6 Merlin, 12 Credible, 14 Taverns, 16 Adonis, 18 Rhodes, 19 Tampa, 21 Turn.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words Am Ma 3 letter words Ass Ere Ess Fin Lea Spa Two Wad 4 letter words Agar Ages Ales Area

Aria Bale Band Bang Boas Clad Clot Cord Deed Deny Dewy Eras Giro Grey Lane Mare Oafs Oboe Ogee Okay

Orca Raga Reel Roar Slew Tore Tray Wren 5 letter words Andes Arena Aural Cargo Cater Caver Cured Dance Elect Elegy

Epoch Erase Halos Harem Hares Isles Manes Mince Octet Ogles Panel Pares Purse Ratty Scala Triad Wages Water

6 letter words Barrel Cosmos Curses Fences Flashy Namely Operas Shears 8 letter words Cavalier Teenager 9 letter words Cafeteria Fancywork

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Celery (4) 4 Kitchen (6) 8 Plum (fruit) (7) 9 Floor (of room) (5) 10 Arena (tierra) (4) 11 Llegadas (8) 13 Films (movies) (9) 17 To climb up (road) (8) 19 Spade (tool) (4) 21 Fugarse para casarse (5) 22 Traffic (7) 23 Patatas fritas (de bolsa) (6) 24 Fregadero (4)

Down 2 Chirivía (7) 3 Obedecer (person) (4) 4 Four hundred (13) 5 Castle (building) (8) 6 Granddaughter (5) 7 Bag (paper, plastic) (5) 8 House (4) 12 Mantas (para taparse) (8) 14 Estación (de ferrocar­ ril) (7) 15 Panadero (5) 16 Turkey (bird) (4) 18 Coro (agrupación) (5) 20 Gatos (4)

37

Friday, May 23, 2014 Across 1 Thin glass cylinder closed at one end, used to hold small amounts of material for laboratory experiments (4,4) 5 Sports equipment worn on the feet to enable the wearer to glide along and to be propelled by the alter­ nate actions of the legs (6) 10 ITV serial set in the 1930s starring Nigel Havers as Ralph Ernest Gorse, a seducing conman and mur­ derer, Rosemary Leach as Joan Plumleigh­Bruce, the smitten victim widow and Bernard Hepton as Donald Stimpson: The ­­­­­­­ (7) 11 Surname of comedian Des and singers Hazel and Sinéad (7) 12 Name that has been assumed temporarily (5) 13 Largest city in Alaska (9) 14 Supergroup from the 1980s made up of singer Robert Palmer, former Chic drummer Tony Thompson, and Duran Duran members

John Taylor (bass) and Andy Taylor (guitar) (5,7) 18 People who sell or arrange trips or tours for customers (6,6) 21 Slender, flexible limbs or appendages in an ani­ mal, especially around the mouth of an invertebrate, used for grasping or mov­ ing about or bearing sense organs (9) 23 Large, long­necked wading bird of marshes and plains in many parts of the world (5) 24 BBC Radio show hosted by Wilfred Pickles that ran from 1946 to 1967 and launched such catch­ phrases as What’s on the table, Mabel? and Give him the money, Barney (4,1,2) 25 Modelled on or aiming for a state in which every­ thing is perfect (7) 26 Prescribed move­ ment, typically a raising of a hand to the head, made by a member of a military or similar force as a formal sign of respect or recogni­

SUDOKU (Easy)

Quiz Word

tion (6) 27 In Scotland and the US, a room or a set of rooms forming a separate residence within a house or

block of flats (8) Down 1 System of signalling by hand signs used by book­

makers at racetracks (6) 2 Russian leader, real name Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili, who suc­ ceeded Lenin as head of the Communist party and created a totalitarian state by purging all opposition (6) 3 Town in Arizona best known as the site of the Gunfight at the OK Corral (9) 4 An elongated tethered blimp with cables or net suspended from it to deter enemy planes that are fly­ ing low (7,7) 6 City in central Japan on southern Honshu that was the imperial capital from 794 until 1868 (5) 7 Country in East Africa with a coastline on the Indian Ocean whose capital is Dodoma (8) 8 Rank of non­commis­ sioned officer in the army or air force just above corporal (8) 9 Savoury relish of vine­ gar and soy sauce and

spices, first made in a cathedral city in western England (9,5) 15 Mediterranean thistle­ like plant widely cultivated for its large edible flower head (9) 16 Sudden sharp pains in the side of the body, caused by strenuous exer­ cise (8) 17 Annual festival, typi­ cally during the week before Lent in Roman Catholic countries, involv­ ing processions, music, dancing, and the use of masquerade (8) 19 Song recorded by the Jam from the album The Gift that reached number one in the UK singles chart in February 1982: Town Called ­­­­­­ (6) 20 Substance that cur­ dles milk in making cheese and junket (6) 22 At or near or toward the stern of a ship or tail of an aeroplane (5)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

EL SUPERMERCADO

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

history QUIZ

ANSEWRS 1. Canada 2. Napoleon 3. Cat 4. Stethoscope 5.

Caledonia 6. Pilot, Jimmy Angel crashed into the falls in 1937. 7. Standard Poodle 8. Great Grandson 9. Ivory 10.

Corsica 11. Romans 12. James Hoban 13. Overgrown Foreskin 14. A Date ­ unsure if it would continue

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Balls, 4 Vice squad, 9/22 Amy Johnson, 10 Air, 11 Rampart, 12 Dior, 13 Perihelion, 15 Bingo, 16 Reattempt, 17 Boardwalk, 21 Major, 23 Grapefruit, 24 Chav, 27 Asinine, 28 Hoe, 29 Sun, 30 Danseuses, 31 Monks.

Down: 1 Brand, 2 Lay Down, 3 Snap, 4 Vermeer, 5 Corsica, 6 Summertime, 7 Uranium, 8 Detonator, 14 Bowdlerise, 15 Baby grand, 18 Acadian, 19 Air beds, 20 Knights, 25 Venus, 26 Germ.

la caja

congelados

la canasta

efectivo

las bebidas

el carrito

liquidación

el estante

una bolsa

el horario

una moneda

el pasillo

un cupón

enlatados Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.comprar, 2.congelados,

13.una bolsa, 14.una moneda,

i.sale, j.a coin, k.drinks, l.to buy,

3.efectivo, 4.el carrito,

15.un cupón.

m.frozen products, n.the opening times,

5.el estante, 6.el horario, 7.el pasillo, 8.enlatados, 9.la

a.a bag, b.the till, c.a trolley,

caja, 10.la canasta,

d.a coupon, e.the shelf, f.cash,

11.las bebidas, 12.liquidación,

g.canned products, h.the aisle,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

Quizword

o.the basket.

Answers: 1l, 2m, 3f, 4c, 5e, 6n, 7h, 8g, 9b, 10o, 11k, 12i, 13a, 14j, 15d.

1. What country was once named New France?

2. Who said "Ability is useless without opportunity"?

3. What animal was the symbol of freedom in ancient Rome?

4. Rene Laennac invented which aid for doctors in 1810?

5. What did the Romans call Scotland?

6. Where did the Angel falls get it's name?

7. What kind of dog was 'Charley' who belonged to John Steinbeck?

8. In 1715 Louis XIV Of France Was Succeeded By Louis XV What Relation Was He? 9. What item's price soared from $63 to $260 per kilo when it became illegal, in 1976 10. Where Was Napoleon Bonaparte Born?

11. Who founded cheese making in England?

12. Which Architect Designed The Whitehouse?

13. Louis the XVI France did not consummate his mar­ riage for 7 years, what was the reason?

14. What did the first issue of Playboy in 1953 not have?

comprar

Fill It In

38

Friday, May 23, 2014

TRELI ON THE TELLY NOTHING DREADFUL HERE

with ALEX TRELINSKI If you enjoyed the Sean Connery­starring movie, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, then you might well be interested in the latest American show to feature a largely British and Irish cast, Penny Dreadful.

It kicked off on Sky Atlantic this week and clearly has used “The League” movie as the inspiration for some gory adventures set in Victorian times. Josh Hartnett, Timothy Dalton (yes Bond is back!), and Eva Green lead a line­up of very familiar faces, with Hartnett playing an American gun­slinger who comes to London to help track down someone who has gone missing. If you think you’ve been creeped out watching The Walking Dead and True

Blood, this trumps both in spades, with some of the most graphic stuff I’ve ever seen on a TV series. It looks fantastic and even has the name of Sam Mendes as a producer on the credits. It won’t be to everybody’s taste, but it makes Ripper Street look like an edition of Scooby Doo!

q

I love Episodes on BBC 2, and the sheer naugh­ tiness of it all, with some pretty direct language (in other words, it’s very rude at

times!). Matt LeBlanc is great in the lead role, and so he should be as he’s playing himself! But equally good are Stephen Mangan and Tamsin Greig as the couple out in the States who pen LeBlanc’s sit­com. All three of them deliver some great dead­pan expressions and the half­ hour has a high titter factor from yours truly. This joint British/US production strangely struggles to find a decent audience on BBC2 (not even a million watched the first episode), probably because the style is so American, which is not sur­ prising since the creators of Friends write the scripts. But it hits the mark for me, and the Yanks love it, so the great news is that series four goes into production later this year.

You always generally find out how much life there is in a tv drama series, if the second run delivers and improves on the debut run.

No problems then for Arrow, which finished on Sky One this week, with a cracking arc of episodes which will lead to what has been described as

q

a “re­boot” for the third series. There’s also a spin­ off, The Flash, coming soon, which I presume Sky will buy.

Over on Sky Living, the New York­based Sherlock Holmes series, Elementary, has delivered hugely in series two, and Rhys Ifans as Sherlock’s brother, Mycroft, has interplayed brilliantly with Jonny Lee Miller with some great twists towards the end of the series. Meanwhile, I can’t already wait for series two of The Blacklist on Sky Living, with it being the best new mainstream US network drama of the current season.

The finale was astonishing in the number of key characters that were surprisingly bumped off, and what has made it so enjoyable is that

the writers have refused to pander to the predictable.

q

There’s something truly shocking about Saturday night TV in that there are two new shows that over the last few weeks have proved to be entertaining. So a thumbs up from me to the new version of Blankety Blank on BBC1, The Guess List, hosted by the very good Rob Brydon, and heaven preserve us all, but ITV have found a decent format in Amazing Greys. This allows us a walk down memory lane to check out some great old names beating some younger ones in a set of chal­ lenges, and it’s good to see Angela Rippon back hosting a primetime programme.

Friday May 23 00:35 Vote 2014 04:00 Holiday Weatherview 04:05 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Call the Council 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 21:00 The Food Inspectors 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Room 101 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:40 The Graham Norton Show 00:20 BBC2 00:20 The Battle to Beat Polio 01:20 Panorama 01:50 Blurred Lines: The New

Battle of the Sexes 02:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools: Young Legal Eagles 06:00 Schools ­ Bringing Books to Life 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Caught Red Handed 08:35 Call the Council 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 The Great Interior Design Challenge 11:05 Mary Berry Cooks 11:35 The Travel Show 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Vote 2014 14:00 Great British Garden Revival 15:00 Vote 2014 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 22:00 The Story of Women and Art 23:00 The Fast Show 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 01:05 04:00 04:45 06:05 Views 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 23:00 23:30 23:35

Harbour Lives Jackpot247 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA ITV Nightscreen Rory Bremner's Great British Good Morning Britain Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather ITV News Meridian Jo Frost Family Matters Dickinson's Real Deal ITV Meridian Weather Ejector Seat The Paul O'Grady Show ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Coronation Street Tonight Coronation Street Lewis ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV News Meridian Die Another Day

THE FOOD INSPECTORS Lifting the lid on Britain's food industry. After the horsemeat controversy, Matt Allwright asks where the next big food scandal might come from. Is there potential for fraud in the fish trade? Chris Hollins and Gaby Roslin examine yoghurt drinks with added bacteria, learning what's in them and testing them out on a Zumba class.

01:00 24 Hours in A&E 01:55 Random Acts 02:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic 02:55 Man vs Weird 03:50 Time Team 04:45 Unreported World 05:10 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 French Collection 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:35 Unreported World 21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

00:00 Person of Interest 00:55 Cricket 2014 02:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Bangkok Brits 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Police Interceptors 13:40 Cowboy Builders 14:40 5 News Lunchtime 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:15 The Obsession 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Freaky Eaters USA 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Murdered: The Bodies in the Bog 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 NCIS 23:00 NCIS: Los Angeles 23:55 Bangkok Brits

39

Saturday May 24 07:15 Slaughter Trail 00:25 Uncle 00:55 EastEnders 02:50 Weatherview 02:55 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Nigellissima 13:00 Homes Under the Hammer 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:15 Bargain Hunt 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:15 Father of the Bride 17:55 A Question of Sport 18:25 Formula 1 19:40 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Pointless Celebrities 20:50 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 21:40 Casualty 22:30 The Guess List 23:10 BBC News; Weather 23:30 Mrs Brown's Boys

24/05 00:00 BBC2 00:00 Weather 00:05 Later ­ with Jools Holland 01:05 Mesrine: Public Enemy No 1 03:10 Question Time

08:30 Great British Menu 09:00 Great British Menu 09:30 Great British Menu 10:00 Great British Menu 10:30 Great British Menu 11:00 World Cup Films 11:15 World Cup Films 12:45 Inspire: Rwanda Special 13:00 Two Greedy Italians 14:00 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 14:30 Talking Pictures 15:05 El Cid 18:00 Flog It! 19:00 Golf: The PGA Championship 20:00 The Mysterious Mr Webster 21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 22:00 50 Years of BBC2 Comedy

02:00 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Fort Boyard Ultimate Challenge 07:25 Dino Dan 07:35 Dino Dan: Trek's Adventures 07:50 Canimals 08:05 Sooty 08:20 Digimon Fusion 08:45 Horrid Henry 09:00 Adventure Time 09:25 ITV News 09:30 Weekend 10:25 The Hungry Sailors 11:20 Murder, She Wrote 12:15 ITV News and Weather 12:24 ITV Meridian Weather 12:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 13:20 Storage Hoarders 14:20 Beethoven's 4th 16:05 60 Minute Makeover 17:05 Off Their Rockers 17:35 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars 18:35 ITV News Meridian 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Let Me Entertain You 19:30 New You've Been Framed!

20:00 Live UEFA Champions League 23:15 ITV News and Weather 23:29 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 The Americans

00:05 01:05 01:25 03:20 03:25 04:05 04:50 05:45 06:40 07:30 08:30 09:00 10:00 11:00 11:25 11:55 12:50 13:45 14:40 17:10 19:40 20:05 21:00 22:00

Rude Tube Brooklyn Nine­Nine Kingpin Random Acts Southland Desperate Housewives Four Rooms Deal or No Deal The Hoobs Trans World Sport The Grid The Morning Line Weekend Kitchen Frasier Everybody Loves Raymond The Big Bang Theory The Simpsons Marvel's Agents of SHIELD Channel 4 Racing Come Dine with Me Channel 4 News The Restoration Man Grand Designs Breaking Dawn Part One

BREAKING DAWN PART ONE Romantic horror fantasy based on the bestselling books by Stephenie Meyer, starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. Bella and Edward finally become married, but when she becomes pregnant it sets off a devastating and very bloody chain of events that draws old flame Jacob back to defend her.

04:10 This Is BBC Two

00:55 Access 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:30 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:35 City of Friends 08:50 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Chinese Food in Minutes 11:15 Access 11:25 Classic Car Rescue 12:25 633 Squadron 14:15 Columbo: Uneasy Lies the Crown 16:15 Columbo: Caution ­ Murder Can Be Hazardous to Your Health 18:10 Jesse Stone: No Remorse 19:45 5 News Weekend 19:50 Dogs, Horses and Indians 21:30 NCIS 22:30 NCIS

Sunday May 25 01:45 The Story of Slapstick 00:00 Live at the Apollo

02:45 The Salt of Life

00:30 The Football League Show

04:10 This Is BBC Two

01:15 No Way Out

07:15 The Saint's Double Trouble

03:05 Weatherview

08:20 The Saint Takes Over

03:10 BBC News

09:30 The Beechgrove Garden

07:00 Breakfast

10:00 World Cup Films

10:00 The Andrew Marr Show

11:25 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

11:00 The Big Questions

12:55 Two Greedy Italians

12:00 Sunday Politics

13:55 They Came to Cordura

13:15 Bargain Hunt

15:55 Gymnastics

14:00 BBC News

18:30 Charley Hull ­ Teenage

14:10 Weather for the Week Ahead

Tigress

14:15 Countryfile

19:00 Golf: PGA Championship

15:15 Flog It! Trade Secrets

20:00 Tropic of Cancer

15:45 Escape to the Country

21:00 The Best of Top Gear

16:15 Points of View

22:00 Harry & Paul's Story of the

16:30 Brazil with Michael Palin

2s

17:30 Songs of Praise

23:00 Absolutely Fabulous

18:05 Formula 1

23:30 Steve Coogan: The Inside

19:35 BBC News; Regional News

Story

and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Quirke 23:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather

25/05 00:00 BBC2 00:00 Bend It like Beckham

00:30 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 Dinner Date: Australia 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Fort Boyard Ultimate Challenge 07:25 Dino Dan: Trek's Adventures 07:50 Canimals 08:05 Sooty 08:20 Digimon Fusion 08:45 Horrid Henry 09:00 Deadtime Stories 09:25 ITV News 09:30 Weekend 10:25 May the Best House Win 11:20 Murder, She Wrote 12:20 Love Your Garden 13:25 ITV News and Weather 13:29 ITV Meridian Weather 13:30 Long Lost Family 14:35 All Star Family Fortunes 15:20 Black Beauty 17:00 Let Me Entertain You 17:30 Midsomer Murdersr 19:30 ITV News Meridian 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Britain's Got Talent 21:15 The British Soap Awards 2014 23:20 Perspectives

HARRY & PAUL'S STORY OF THE 2S Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse take an irrever­ ent ­ and not entirely accurate ­ look at the history of BBC Two, romping through the channel's highs and lows. The programme revisits and parodies around 50 different shows, including The Office, Boys from the Blackstuff, Arena, The Old Grey Whistle Test and The Apprentice, with 150 presen­ ters, actors, comedians and politicians being por­ trayed by Harry, Paul and friends.

00:15 NCIS 01:15 SuperCasino 02:35 Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction 04:05 DIY Dummies 05:00 Wildlife SOS 04:35 Hollyoaks 05:25 Make It Big 06:35 SuperScrimpers 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:50 The Hoobs 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 07:40 Ginetta Challenge 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 08:10 How I Met Your Mother 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 09:30 Frasier 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Bubble Guppies 10:30 Sunday Brunch 07:35 The Mr Men Show 07:50 Chloe's Closet 13:30 Secret Eaters 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 14:35 The Big Bang Theory 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 16:05 The Simpsons 08:40 City of Friends 16:35 Hocus Pocus 08:45 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 18:30 Deal or No Deal 08:50 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top 19:30 Channel 4 News Bill and His Best Friend Corky 20:00 Four Rooms 09:15 Olly the Little White Van 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 21:00 For the Love of Cars 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little 22:00 Fargo Kingdom 23:05 Kick­Ass 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 Power Rangers Super Samurai 11:35 Power Rangers Megaforce 12:10 Access 12:20 Meerkat Manor 12:50 Ace Ventura: Pet Detective 14:35 Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment 16:15 Wild Wild West 18:10 The Time Machine 19:55 5 News Weekend 20:00 Cricket 2014 21:00 Ghost Rider 23:00 Drive Angry 00:15 Copycat

40

Monday May 26 00:00 Vote 2014 04:00 Weatherview 04:05 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 Fake Britain 10:45 Homes Under the Hammer 11:45 Caught Red Handed 12:15 Call the Council 13:00 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:15 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:30 The Link 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:15 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 17:15 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2014 17:45 Antiques Road Trip 18:30 Pointless 19:15 BBC News 19:45 Weather 19:45 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Pirates of the Caribbean: on Stranger Tides 23:05 BBC News 23:30 BBC Regional News and Weather

00:30 A Cock and Bull Story 02:00 Countryfile 03:00 Holby City 04:00 This Is BBC Two 07:10 Homes Under the Hammer 08:10 Call the Council 08:55 When Time Ran Out 10:40 The Pallisers 12:30 Golf: PGA Championship 14:30 Wanted Down Under Revisited 15:15 Talking Pictures 15:45 Cat on a Hot Tin Roof 17:30 Nature's Great Events 18:30 Flog It! 19:15 Eggheads 19:45 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Springwatch 22:00 The Fast Show 22:30 Inside No 9 23:00 Goodness Gracious Me 23:30 Newsnight

00:25 00:44 00:45 01:40 03:40 04:30 05:10 06:05 Views 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 12:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:15 19:30 20:00 20:30 22:00 22:30 23:00 23:15 23:20 23:45

ITV News and Weather ITV Meridian Weather Sammy and Bruce The Store Motorsport UK The Jeremy Kyle Show USA ITV Nightscreen Rory Bremner's Great British Good Morning Britain Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show Storage Hoarders 60 Minute Makeover Dinner Date ITV News and Weather ITV News Meridian Jo Frost Family Matters Dickinson's Real Deal ITV Meridian Weather Ejector Seat The Paul O'Grady Show ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather You've Been Framed!

Emmerdale Britain's Got Talent Coronation Street Britain's Got Talent Results ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV News Meridian Off Their Rockers Benidorm

01:25 Berberian Sound Studio 02:55 Southland 03:40 Utopia 04:35 Just Not Cricket 04:40 Four Rooms 05:35 Hugh's 3 Good Things 06:05 SuperScrimpers 06:10 Deal or No Deal 07:05 Countdown 07:50 Garfield Gets Real 09:15 Dr Dolittle: Million Dollar Mutts 11:00 Undercover Boss 12:00 Come Dine with Me 14:40 French Collection 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The World's Weirdest Weather 22:00 The Island with Bear Grylls 23:00 Man vs Weird

THE DAM BUSTERS Classic wartime drama, starring Richard Todd and Michael Redgrave, about the audacious RAF mis­ sion to destroy the Ruhr dams with "bouncing" bombs designed by aeronautical engineer Barnes Wallis.

23:40 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

00:55 Criminals: Caught on Camera 01:55 SuperCasino 04:05 Classic Car Rescue 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 The Funky Valley Show 06:00 Angels of Jarm 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 Angels of Jarm 06:30 The Funky Valley Show 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:30 Milkshake! Monkey 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 Chinese Food in Minutes 13:30 5 News Lunchtime 13:35 Home and Away 14:05 Neighbours 14:35 NCIS 15:35 The Devil's Brigade 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 The Dam Busters 21:50 5 News 22:00 What the Dambusters Did Next 23:40 Raid on Rommel

Tuesday May 27 00:25 The Football League Show 01:15 The Graham Norton Show 02:00 Weatherview 02:05 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Call the Council 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:30 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Happy Valley 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Imagine 27/05 00:00 BBC2 00:00 Weather 00:05 50 Years of BBC2 Comedy 02:05 Watermen: A Dirty Business 03:05 Natural World 04:05 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ Empire

06:00 Schools ­ Roman Voices 06:30 Schools ­ Found 06:45 Schools ­ Lizard Girl 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Caught Red Handed 08:35 Call the Council 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Watchdog 11:05 Real Lives Reunited 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Jubal 14:35 The Super League Show 15:20 The Pallisers 16:15 Cash in the Attic 16:45 Big Cat Diary 17:15 Nature's Great Events 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Springwatch 22:00 Welcome to Rio 23:00 Later Live ­ with Jools Holland 23:30 Newsnight

00:45 Joanna Lumley's Greek Odyssey 01:35 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Coronation Street 22:30 Britain's Got Talent Results 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 The Cube

THE COMPLAINERS This series tells the stories of the back­and­forth between some of the nation's most persistent complainers and the businesses and councils that deal with their issues. In the first edition, staff at Transport for London deal with a cyclist who deploys a strange array of tools to defend his position on the road.

00:00 Gogglebox 01:00 Random Acts 01:05 Fargo 02:05 Scandal 02:55 Southcliffe 03:50 Mr Drew's School for Boys 04:45 SuperScrimpers 05:00 Four Rooms 05:55 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss 12:00 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:40 French Collection 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Location, Location, Location 22:00 The Complainers 23:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic

01:30 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:05 SuperCasino 04:05 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:55 Milkshake! Monkey 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Cowboy Builders 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Murder among Friends 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Classic Car Rescue 21:00 Ben Fogle's Animal Clinic 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

41

Wednesday May 28 00:45 White Oleander 02:25 Weatherview 02:30 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Call the Council 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:30 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 Del Boys & Dealers 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport 28/05 00:20 BBC2 00:20 The Culture Show 00:50 Horizon 01:50 Ian Hislop's Olden Days ­ The Power of the Past in Britain 02:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Coding: The Future Is Creative

05:25 Schools ­ Megabits 05:55 Schools ­ Cracking the Code 06:55 What Makes Me, Me 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Caught Red Handed 08:30 Call the Council 09:15 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 10:00 Business Boomers 11:00 Bang Goes the Theory 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Kismet 14:50 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 15:20 The Pallisers 16:15 Cash in the Attic 16:45 Big Cat Diary 17:15 Nature's Great Events 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Springwatch 22:10 Coast Australia 23:00 Episodes 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 01:05 04:00 04:45 06:05 Views 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 22:00 22:30 23:00 23:30 23:35

Wild Britain with Ray Mears Jackpot247 Loose Women ITV Nightscreen Rory Bremner's Great British Good Morning Britain Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather ITV News Meridian Jo Frost Family Matters Dickinson's Real Deal ITV Meridian Weather Ejector Seat The Paul O'Grady Show ITV News Meridian ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Britain's Got Talent Coronation Street Britain's Got Talent Results ITV News at Ten and Weather ITV News Meridian On Assignment

00:05 Coppers 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Poker 02:05 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:35 Trans World Sport 03:30 The Grid 04:00 Ginetta Challenge 04:25 Four Rooms 05:20 Hugh's 3 Good Things 05:50 SuperScrimpers 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss 12:00 Celebrity Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Celebrity Come Dine with Me 14:40 French Collection 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Supervet 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 Derek 23:30 Cardinal Burns

DEREK The retirement­home worker goes on a date with a girl he met on a matchmaking website. He's excited, but also worried about his father's health, and true to form, Geoff nearly ruins things for Derek ­ but Kev stands up for his friend. Ricky Gervais writes, directs and stars in the comedy drama, with Colin Hoult and David Earl. Last in the series.

00:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 01:00 Body of Proof 01:55 Access 02:00 SuperCasino 04:05 Minute by Minute 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:55 Milkshake! Monkey 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Cowboy Builders 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:15 Next Stop Murder 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 21:00 Minute by Minute 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Jack Taylor

Thursday May 29 00:05 The Guess List 00:50 It's a Boy/Girl Thing 02:15 Weatherview 02:20 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Caught Red Handed 12:30 Call the Council 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Link 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:30 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 The Food Inspectors 22:00 From There to Here 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time 29/05 00:20 BBC2 00:20 Watermen: A Dirty Business 01:20 See Hear 01:50 The Story of Women and Art 02:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ The Modern Monarchy

06:00 Schools ­ Labrinth's Speak Out 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Caught Red Handed 08:35 Call the Council 09:20 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 10:05 Escape to the Continent 11:05 First Time on the Front Line 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Hans Christian Andersen 14:50 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 15:20 The Pallisers 16:15 Cash in the Attic 16:45 Big Cat Diary 17:15 Nature's Great Events 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Springwatch 22:00 Springwatch Unsprung 2014 22:30 Burning Desire: The Seduction of Smoking 23:30 Newsnight

00:10 Total Recall 02:10 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 Rory Bremner's Great British Views 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Ejector Seat 18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Coronation Street 22:30 Britain's Got Talent Results 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:35 Fearne And

SPRINGWATCH At the end of an action­packed week at their new base at the RSPB's Minsmere nature reserve in Suffolk, Chris Packham, Michaela Strachan and Martin Hughes­Games report live on all the latest wildlife stories. Chris continues his quest to follow migrating cuckoos from Africa to the UK and Iolo Williams reports from the wild west coast of Scotland.

00:00 Cardinal Burns 00:35 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:20 Random Acts 01:25 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 02:20 Julia 04:45 Four Rooms 05:40 Hugh's 3 Good Things 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 According to Jim 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 The King of Queens 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss 12:00 Come Dine with Me Down Under 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me Down Under 14:40 French Collection 15:40 Countdown 16:30 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Draw It! 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Posh Pawn 22:00 Meet the Police Commissioner 23:00 My Granny the Escort

00:45 Cricket 2014 01:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 02:15 SuperCasino 04:05 Cowboy Builders 05:00 House Doctor 05:45 Divine Designs 06:10 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:35 The WotWots 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Family!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Police Interceptors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Cowboy Builders 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Mystery Woman: Game Time 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 The Spy Who Brought Down Mary, Queen of Scots 22:00 Trauma Doctors 23:00 The Man Who Ate Himself to Death

42

Friday, May 23, 2014

AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more.

We cater for companies and self­employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES BUSINESS OPPORTUNI­ TY, two clothing shops for sale either as a pair or sep­ arate, both trading, sold fully equipped and stocked, a great opportunity for some­

one wanting their own busi­ ness, for more comprehen­ sive information contact Glen on 606926437 (164)

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Prayer and Praise and Worship. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information contact PilarChristian.CommunityC hurch@gmail.com

CATERING

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

968575417 or 966848806.

Reg No:2009­SG/A The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meetinghouse in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

The rainbow centre for spiri­ tual awareness. We meet in the function room at Sacos bar el Liminar just off the CV 905 Rojales Torrevieja road.

We have a divine service every Sunday at 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoyance at 7.30 pm. Also there is an open circle held every wed evening at 5.30 pm for any­ one interested in clairvoy­ ance. Healing is available by trained and certified healers after each meeting a warm welcome to friends old and new. The mediums for May 2014 are Sunday 4th Jacqueline Holland hunt.

Wed 7th David Darnbourgh.

Sunday 11th Ray Bailey Wed 14th Debie Blevins.

Sunday 18th Morag Bullock Wed 21st Morag Bullock.

Sunday 25th Anna Marie Wed 28th Jimmy McArthur

CARS FOR SALE Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully com­

prehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

PERSONAL SALMA, 29, PASSIONATED MASSEUSSE. LOTS of FANTASIES .LA ZENIA, OPPOSITTE ZENIA BOULEVARD 15. TURQUE­ SA St Behind MERCADONA S BACK Gate.www.sensual­ spain.net 656 314 941 MATURE PASSIONATED WOMAN 40, GENEROUS and CARING BUSTY .TURQUESA St Behind

BARBER

ALARMS

MERCADONA s BACK Gate opposite NEW white houses www.sensualspain.net 656 314 941 KAREN! NEW in. LA ZENIA BEAUTIFUL BODY? Biggest breast, biggest bot­ tom NICE figure.....Close to Consum supermarket HOUSE 77 www.sensual­ spain.net 627 203 147

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.vil­ laandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Santiago de la Ribera 2 bed­ room townhouse close to beach and shops with com­ munal pool €350 monthly short or long term lease Call 0044 7890996330 ­ 968570645 (162) Ref: 61, A lovely two bed­ roomed ground floor apart­ ment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swim­ ming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking dis­ tance. Long and short term

CARPENTER

rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apart­ ment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bed­ room detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, super­ market, restaurants and bars. Short term rental avail­ able. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Molino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb commu­ nal pool area, in within walk­ ing distance of bars, restau­ rants and shops. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED! Properties, all types, in the Torrevieja area wanted for long term rentals.

Call us on 96 692 3963

CAR HIRE

CLEANERS

43

Friday, May 23, 2014

PROPERTY FOR SALE Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bath­ room detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks pro­ jected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 Rare opportunity to pur­ chase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing

Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis com­ munal pool. Walking dis­ tance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground park­ ing, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essen­ tial. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now

CAR BREAKERS

only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Ref: 78, €110,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off­road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool near­ by. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 com­ munal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popu­

lar urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3 Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.

Quiet Location, Exceptional Views. Converted Under build, 2 Lounges, 2 Kitchens, Private Garage and being sold Fully Furnished, now only 239.950 Ref: L81 Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a 560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

DIAGNOSTICS

DRAINAGE

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge­Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom, Unfurnished Mid Terraced Townhouse in GA. Recently decorated throughout means this property is a very clean black canvass.

Has Air­Con & Security Grills and the use of a Communal Pool. Price recently reduced to 110.000e Ref.K12 Tel. 627711155

Ref: 104 Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment, close to Shops, walking distance to Friday Market and Town Centre and the beach. The property is close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Recently refur­ bished apartment in a good central location.

Conveniently situated for all the facilities of this modern vibrant town, and only a few blocks away from Torreviejas excellent sea front with its abundant cafes, restaurants and shops. Price €43950 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PETS

GARDENER

44

Friday, May 23, 2014

Reduced for a quick sale to 95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bath­ room, Top Floor Duplex in Gran Alacant. Very Modern Property with Many extras.

Glazed in Porch, Roof Top Solarium, Wooden Flooring.

Immaculate condition and ready to move in. Ref. K15 Tel. 627711155.

Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appli­ ances & furniture also there is a utility room, open ter­ race, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, ten­ nis courts, restaurants and bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242

Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul­de­sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gar­ dens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,pri­ vate parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

RAG AND BONE

PLUMBERS

POOLS

POOL TABLES

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155 Ref: 516, €23,950. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villa just as you enter Gran Alacant. Very central loca­ tion, 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Garden Shed, Private Parking, Attractive Gardens, Private pool Ref: K59 240.000e Tel. 627711155 Offers Invited on a mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant. Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner, Galleria, Solarium, Under build.

Communal Pool and Gardens, and with Exceptional Views of Alicante. Being Sold Fully Furnished including White Goods. Ref. K42 Tel. 627711155 (reasonable offers only) Gran Alacant, Situated on the very first urbanisation as you enter Gran Alacant, this 2nd floor duplex offers taste and quality. Comprising of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge­diner, independent kitchen, full roof­top solari­ um with superb views and recently glazed in porch offering extra living area as well as extra privacy as the

glass is mirrored. Ref.K44 €108,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant south­facing, very private villa, with wood­ land and Alicante views.

Situated at the end of a small cul­de­sac which means this villa enjoys a very peaceful location.3 Bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 3 Bathrooms, lounge­diner with working fireplace, fully fitted kitchen with including white goods, large front porch, solarium,workshop and stor­ age in under build, central heating, air con H/C, ceiling fans, grills, UK T.V, off road parking and plenty of out­ side parking also. Due to its orientation of this property enjoys full sun, all day, something very important in the winter months. Ref.K24. €237,000 Tel 680333242

REMOVALS

WINDOW CLEANER

QUIZZES

Situations Vacant. Top Chef Required for The Med Bistro Bar, Guardamar. Excellent package and incentives. Tel. 0044 7917 1658 65 or email: andysteve@aol.com (168) English / Russian translator required by book publisher.

Call 618 715 998 for more info.

SITUATIONS WANTED Gardening, property mainte­ nance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your prob­ lems with debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL needs motivated sellers. Spanish, English and German language is a bonus but not essential.

Training and good earnings guaranteed. For more info call 644 126 600 or email info@radicocostainterna­ tional.com

SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

SURVEYOR

VAN HIRE

WANTED

Friday, May 23, 2014

Greenside Gossip

45

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

MIGUEL ANGEL’S SPECIAL BIRDIE

Funny how increased success for Miguel Angel Jiménez on the golf course has made him even more interesting off it. He has long been one of its most intriguing and colourful characters because of his natural way he embraces life:­ wine, women, cars, friends and cigars (not necessarily in that order) without a whiff of being insincere.

He’s the oldest winner in the history of The European Tour, and celebrated his 50th birthday in January by declaring his intention to compete in The Senior Open Championship, which tees off at Royal Porthcawl Golf Club.

However, as he marks the start of his sixth decade he also got married at the beginning of this month (no slowing down for “El Mecanico”) as well as declaring his intention to play in Wales where he made his last Ryder Cup appearance in 2010 at The Celtic Manor Resort. The popular Spaniard remains a potent force at the very highest level of the game, claiming his 20th European Tour win in November’s Hong Kong Open to extend his own record as the European Tour’s oldest champion.

It was Jiménez’s 13th European Tour victory beyond the age of 40 – another record ­ and he is aiming to become Europe’s oldest Ryder Cup player by earning a place in Paul McGinley’s team at Gleneagles in September. The world number 34's first win at his home national tournament came at the 27th attempt, and of his 21 victories on the European Tour, 14 have come since he turned 40. The success also extends Jimenez's own record for being the oldest winner in European Tour history to 50 years and 133 days.

The Malaga­born golfer was in contention to become the oldest major champion in history before finishing fourth in the Masters in April, and a week later, he won on his Champions Tour debut. Jimenez now lies just outside the automatic qualification places for this year's Ryder Cup, and if he qualifies or is selected by Paul McGinley, the Spaniard will become Europe's oldest ever player. The current record is held by Ted Ray, who competed in 1927 aged 50 years, two months and five days. He would love to make the Ryder Cup team, breaking all those records at 50, and I wish him well as I’m sure most other fans of the sport do.

MIGUEL ANGEL GETS HITCHED Miguel Angel had one of the most interesting dates in his half­century life at the start of the month, as he got married to his long­term girlfriend Susanna Styblo, giving fans a brief glimpse at how to properly wear a fancy suit! Jimenez said “I do”, somewhat appropriately at his golf school in Torremolinos. We like to think we know exactly how awe­ some Jimenez is, and then we find there is another layer, like peeling a very refined onion.

There are the stretching exhibitions that captivate and beguile and the love of cigars that only seem to heighten the mystique. Finding out that Jimenez married at his 9 hole golf course and driving range is like finding out that there is a Santa Claus and he has a very expensive wine habit.

Fittingly for a man known as 'El Mecanico' for his devotion to flash motors, Jimenez's bride arrived at the ceremony in a stunning Rolls Royce. The happy couple later posed for a picture draped on the bonnet of the classic car. The Spaniard is almost as well known for his love of red wine, cigars and fast cars (not to mention his extraordinary warm­ up routine) as he is for playing ­ but he can still mix it with the best of them on the course. Miguel Angel Jimenez is known for enjoying life and the evergreen golfer now has another reason to celebrate. Jimenez goes through life the way Takeru Kobayashi (the famous Japanese competitive eater) goes through hot dogs. He inhales it, his thoughts on enjoying life: "When you rush, you cannot enjoy the food, the wine, the cigars, no?"

So important things like marriage is all about the here and now, something that this particular golf star appreciates. He will continue being one of our most much­loved athletes because he doesn't just make golf seem so enjoyable. It’s

TITTER ON THE TEE On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday afternoon."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people near­ ly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear, “replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring in the morning. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.

“Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream van hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!"

because he does the same with every last portion of life as well. As these pictures prove, Jimenez has no absolutely no problem achieving things done by men half his age. One question remains though: did Jimenez break the habit of a lifetime to toast his birdie with champagne, or stick to his beloved Rioja?

KWIK FIX GOLF TIP

MAKE A BOGEY YOUR WORST SCORE Golf is game of percentages. Sometimes it pays dividends to take a chance but, more often than not, it is better to accept one dropped shot rather than run the risk of dropping several more. Your first instinct is to recover from a poor tee shot by going for the green in two when you’re behind a tree. But once you review the situation and are aware of the trouble you could get into if the shot was not hit perfectly. So the answer is to chip out into the centre of the fairway. It is likely that your next shot gets you onto the green and still putting for Par. The instinctive option would have been a double or triple bogey. If you have a shot on that hole you could quite easily score a net birdie.

REMEMBER WHERE YOU GET YOUR STROKES Before you start the round, take a little time to find where you get your strokes. Many Club golfers complete the hole and then they look at the card and realise they actually get an extra shot. Knowing you have a stroke before you start the hole could very well influence the way you try to play the hole. For example if you are an 18 handicap it means you get a stroke for each hole (Bogey golf). A Par 3 becomes an easy Par 4.

KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION Alan’s shot hits the lip of the bunker and rebounds back into the same bunker several meters closer to the hole. He swung his club into the sand in frustration, but his actions did not affect his new lie in the bunker. What is the penalty in stroke play?

A: There is no penalty.

B: Alan incurs a penalty of one stroke.

C: Alan incurs a penalty of two strokes.

ANSWER C: Decision Rule 13.4: A player can never touch the ground (sand) in a hazard with his hand or club or test the condition of the hazard or similar hazard.

46

Friday, May 23, 2014

ILICITANOS END ATLETICO CLAIM THE CROWN WITH DEFEAT SEVILLA 3 ELCHE 1

The home side celebrated winning the Europa League with an emphatic victory over Elche, for whom the result meant lit­ tle, having guaranteed survival a week earlier, although they end the season just one point and two places above the drop zone.

Midfielder Vicente Iborra tripled his goal tally for the season by opening the scoring for Sevilla and then adding a brilliant third, with Jairo Samperio also getting on the scoresheet on a comfortable night for Unai Emery's side. Richmond Boakye grabbed a consolation for Elche in injury time.

NEW MAN AT THE NOU

BARCELONA 1 ATLETICO MADIRD 1

Atletico Madrid claimed the La Liga title for the first time in 18 years after coming from behind to hold Barcelona to a thrilling draw at the Nou Camp last Saturday.

Chances were scarce for either side in the opening stages, but the visitors were dealt two major blows when top scorer Diego Costa limped off before winger Arda Turan soon joined him on the sidelines through injury.

The hosts had the better of the first­half chances with Adriano and Pedro both threatening, but it was Sanchez who fired them ahead from a seemingly impossible

angle after Lionel Messi's knock­down.

However, Diego Simeone's men found themselves back in control in the second half when Diego Godin rose to emphatically head Gabi's corner beyond Joes Manuel Pinto as Atletico claimed their tenth title.

Gerardo Martino's side knew that any­ thing other than a win would see them hand the title trophy back to Madrid, but this time to the team in red and white after a stunning campaign undert Simeone. Atletico now look for a great double as they face city rivals Real in the Champions League final in Lisbon this Saturday night.

REAL WORRY AHEAD OF LISBON REAL MADRID 3 ESPANYOL 1

Barcelona have named former player Luis Enrique as their new manager on a two­year contract. Gerardo Martino parted company with the Catalan club at the end of a season that saw Barca miss out to Atletico Madrid for the Primera Liga title after they drew with them on the final day of the season.

The 51­year­old came to a mutual agreement to exit the club following just one season in charge. Martino

replaced the late Tito Villanova at the Nou Camp last summer, but the Spanish Super Cup was the only silver­ ware he managed to claim as Barca endured a largely inconsistent cam­ paign.

Enrique left Celta Vigo after guiding them to a ninth­place finish in the Spanish league this season and has now been given the opportunity to impress on a bigger stage.

TELL THE TAXMAN LIONEL!

Four­time world player of the year Lionel Messi has signed a new contract with La Liga runners­up Barcelona. Barca said Messi "repeatedly expressed his excitement" while signing the new deal at the Nou Camp on Monday.

They have yet to release details about the length of the new deal with the 26­ year­old forward, who scored 41 goals in 44 games last season.

The Argentina international's last deal, agreed in February last year, was due to run until 2018. Claims in the Spanish

Real Madrid signed off a disappointing domestic season with victory over Espanyol last Saturday but of more concern were the doubts raised over the fitness of star forward Cristiano Ronaldo for this Saturday’s Champions League final against Atletico.

The Portugal international was named in the starting line­up after recovering from a ham­ string injury suffered over a fortnight ago but pulled out moments before kick­off and was

replaced by Isco.

Gareth Bale struck in the 64th minute, converting Benzema's through­ball on the counter­attack. The France international's assist was his last significant contribution as he was replaced by Alvaro Morata, who added the second with four minutes to go and then ended any fanciful hopes of an Espanyol comeback after Pizzi pulled one back with his second deep into added time.

GARRY’S NUMBER ONE

Elche winger Garry Rodrigues is the first bit of business for the club in the close­season, with the Dutch­born Cape Verdean player pledging his future to the Ilicitanos after being taken on a six month loan from Levski Sofia. The 23 year old has signed a four year deal with Elche, with the player media suggest Messi, a four­time Ballon having scored his first goal for the d'Or winner, will be tied to the club for a club in a priceless 1­nil victory at further year ­ until June 2019 ­ and will be Malaga earlier this month. The fee paid 20m Euros a season, plus perform­ is said to be worth around 600 thousand Euros to Sofia. ance­linked bonuses.

47

Friday, May 23, 2014

THE ROAD TO RIO A UK-based view of the World Cup: this week groups A to D

In Group A, the host nation Brazil are naturally favourites to go through. Chelsea provide four of the squad: Oscar, Ramires, Willian and David Luiz, the latter rumoured to be leaving the Bridge soon.

Other UK­based Brazilians are Paulinho of Spurs, and Julio Cesar of QPR, currently on loan to Toronto. Coach Philip Scolari has ignored AC Milan’s Kaka and Robinho, other­ wise the group is full of players from the European continent: Italy, Spain, France and Germany. There will be huge home pressure and expectation but ability alone should see Brazil safely through.

Croatia are a capable side and with Prem players like Southampton’s Dejan Lovric, Hull’s Nikika Jelavic and QPR’s Niko Kranjcar, plus classy Real Madrid midfielder Luca Modric should see their side progress to the knock­out stages.

Only one adopt­ ed Brit makes the Mexico squad, Javier Hernandez of Man United. The squad is very varied with players spread from all over the foot­ ball­playing world.

Cameroon have Chelsea’s Samuel Eto and stick to

their previously successful squad ­ will experience count?

Group B holders Spain include eight players from the well­ represented Premier League: Man United’s David de Gea and Juan Mata; Fernando Torres and Cesar Azpilicueta from Chelsea; David Silva, Jesus Navas, and Alvaro Negredo from Man City; and Santi Cazorla from Arsenal. It would be a tremendous task for Spain to win the Cup again, but they have the experience and skill, plus are the current proud kings of European and World football.

New Man of the Man United moment, maestro Louis Van Gaal takes his Dutch squad to Brazil with seven Premier League based players:­ Newcastle’s Tim Krul, United’s own Dutchman Robin van Persie, Jonathan de Guzman of Swansea, Villa’s Ron Vlaar, Patrick van Aanholt from Chelsea, Karim Rekik on loan from Man City, and Norwich’s Leroy Fer. Chile have just Gary Medel of Cardiff in their competent squad that proved their capabilities by beating England con­ vincingly at Wembley last year.

Outsiders Australia have just two League One players, Bailey Wright and Massimo Luongo, in their 30­man squad.

Crystal Palace midfielder Mile Jedinak and Newcastle defender Curtis Good, on loan at Dundee United, are the only two Premier League players named but there is no space for Lucas Neill who has won 96 caps.

In Group C Columbia are placing great faith in Monaco’s Radamel Falcao who hasn’t played since January due to a k n e e injury. West Ham’s Armero is the only Prem repre­

sentative, and locally of interest here in Spain, Elche’s Carlos ‘The Rock’ Sanchez makes the squad.

For Greece, Fulham’s striker (for 120 minutes) Konstantinos Mitroglou is in the 30­man squad with Cottagers team­mate Giorgos Karagounis: Scotland’s Celtic forward Georgios Samaras also named.

This will probably be 36 year old Didier Drogba’s last World Cup for the Ivory Coast who field a very strong side with brothers Yaya (Man City*) and Kolo Toure (Liverpool), plus 25 goal man Wilfried Bony from Swansea and Cheick Tiote from Newcastle. *Birthday Blues boy Yaya is said to be Etihadly annoyed over senior snubs ­ and Barcelona are beckoning him back.

Japan named 2 UK­based players in their 23­man squad, Manchester United midfielder Shinji Kagawa and Southampton defender Maya Yoshida.

England’s group D are starting with serious competition to be able to qualify for the second round. Uruguay are a dan­ gerous proposition with you­know­who, the Premier League’s player of the year and 31 golden goals striker Luis Suarez and his unknown teammate Sebastian Coates, but also PSG’s Edinson Cavani and our old friend Diego Forlan, once of Man United, are there too.

Italy: who would bet against the Italians going through?

They have the class, the experience and the know­how to go all the way, and have proved it so many times. No UK­based stars but of course, he’ll there to face us, nutty old Mario Balotelli ­ still controversially at it for AC Milan.

Unknown package Costa Rica could upset England’s plans. Only the loanly Joel Campbell, at Olympiakos from Arsenal, and Fulham's Bryan Ruiz, who is on loan at PSV, are in their provisional 30­man squad. Everton defender Bryan Oviedo misses the tournament through injury.

Next week a domestic view of Groups E to H.

ANT HITS THE DECK

Sibling Stewarts Sizzle

Brother and sister, Adam and Lucy Stewart, returned victorious from the Down’s Syndrome Swimming Federation European Championships in Southampton. The Club Natacion Torrevieja com­ petitors had a bumper weekend with 9 medals and a placed ribbon between them.

Adam picked up 4 golds, 2 silvers and a bronze as well as picking up the new European record for the 800 meters freestyle with a time of 13:04:88. He also claimed personal bests in all his 7 races! Lucy developed a gastric virus the night before the competition but was determined to swim and in doing so won 2 gold

The Murcia­based Ford­Dunn brothers had very different memories to take away with them from their first ever visit to the Menarguens circuit recently for the Catalan Supermoto championships. Despite not knowing the track, and both crashing in practice, both of them got onto the front row of the grid for both their races, with Mat qual­ ifying in 4th position in the SM4 class and medals and a placed ribbon younger brother Ant getting an excellent 4th again with personal bests. in the premier SM 1 class.

They’re now back in train­ Ant was the first to race and the battle ing for the 1st Masters between the first 5 riders was very intense Murcia Open Competition with close racing throughout the field. Ant this Saturday before linking was in fourth position on the last lap and up with the Masters Team whilst making a pass on the brakes at the for the Valencian Summer end of the straight he fell, damaging his bike Regional Autonomico and dislocating his shoulder. The damage to Competition which is being the bike meant he was unable to remount staged in Torrevieja at the despite his shoulder clicking back into place end of the month.

as he picked himself up. Ant was unable to compete in the remaining race due to his injury and therefore lost his lead in the cham­ pionship from his two race wins in the previ­ ous round of the Catalan championship in Mora de Ebre.

Mat (pictured) faired better in both of his races in the SM 4 class with a double victory that extends his championship lead and gives him four wins, from four races. It could have been a different story though as a puncture in his front tyre in the first race meant he had a desperate last couple of laps to keep ahead of the pack as his front tyre slowly deflated.

The brothers now have a few weeks of testing and training ahead before they line up on the grid in Badajoz for the 2nd round of the Spanish championships on Sunday June 8th.

Friday, May 23, 2014

48

GIGGSY'S NEW GAALFRIEND

No stranger to close affairs, Ryan Giggs has been promoted, sort of, to become the new assistant man­ ager at Old Trafford. This week, the worst­kept secret in football was revealed as Louis Van Gaal was appointed as the new Manchester United manager, the full move tak­ ing place after the Dutchman’s foray into the World Cup in Brazil in charge of his Netherlands national side. Being Welsh, retired Ryan can put his feet up after his tumultuous final season and watch the whole event on TV ­ in presumably domestic bliss – if the tabloids aren’t still tracking him!

Hmm… Dream ticket? Double Dutch disaaster, darling?

Will a Welsh/Dutch duo dovetail? Theatre of Dreams for fans or another nightmare? Whatever happens, United just cannot afford another Moyes­type mistake, and seem to be sensibly hedging their bets by trying to cover all eventualities: a big, bold boss used to success internationally backed up by a real home­grown United product who knows Old Trafford like his own home. But the competition in the Prem is intense – we will see.

In my second ‘End of Term Report’ we look at the bot­ tom half of the Premier League. No­one could have pre­ dicted the amazing positive transformation in Crystal Palace’s fortunes under Tony Pulis, especially given their rock­bottom laughing­stock start under Ian Holloway. The Eagles are soaring again, and are in superb condition for next season.

Swansea have now deservedly confirmed Gary Monk as

John McGregor reports

their new jefe, with super striker Michu due to return from injury to team up with this year’s revelation Wilfried Bony. Club record buy at £12m, Wilf duly deliv­ ered with 25 goals, and the Swans will want to keep the Ivory Coast striker who will be appearing in the global shop window of the World Cup. Sackim/savim West Ham have decently decided not to dispense with the sound services of Sam Allardyce, but will now recruit a new ‘attacking coach’ – hey, there’s a good job, newly­retired strikers send their CVs to Upton Park... Trouble is Hammers fans still think it’s 1966 with Bobby, Geoff and Martin, Do they deserve the Olympic stadium? Nah, mate.

Sunderland finishing in 14th? Why aye, man, how did that happen? The Black Cats were bottom with four games to go. Even more than Tony Pulis, street­wise and team­wise Gus Poyet really has worked miracles.

But in the sombre shadows at the Stadium of Light, sen­ ior ‘mushroom management’ rules over the team man­ ager and fans – keep ‘em in the dark and feed ‘em on sh..t. That sort of Sunderland stupidity has already seen off six managers in five seasons – can Gus put up with all that and stay?

Another fine mess at season’s end for Aston Villa.

Following last season’s Calamity Jane performances, Villa fans expected more. A key factor was a bad injury to striker Christian Benteke, but the final run­in was pathetic, and now American­owner­since­2006, Randy Lerner has finally decided to sell – but who will risk buy­ ing this troubled Midland club?

Hull fans had a helluva hoolie last Saturday at Wembley against Arsenal. Two up in only eight minutes with a third headed off the line, the Humberside Citizens must

have thought it was their day: but finally the Gunners got it together to win a cracker in extra time. Manager Steve Bruce hailed his heroes who gave him everything except a win: cruel, football sometimes. Oh, and Arsene says he’s staying – nine more silver­starved years, Gooners?

Pepe’s popped off from the Hawthorns, West Brom fin­ ishing just one place above the Dreaded Drop Department. The Spaniard’s returned to sunny Spain amid rumours of joining a La Liga team – Malaga? Not a season to savour for the Baggies, that’s three managers come and gone, almost relegation ruling. The Nick Anelka ‘Quenelle’ farce, plus pugilistic players punch­ ing each other: crazy, man. Now who’s going to sort all that out?

So did the right three go down? Yes, it looks like all three had the biggest problems in the Prem and all are in a mess. What a derisive decision for Norwich to sack Chris Hughton with just six games to go, and then put an inexperienced assistant manager in charge – a move which made no sense at all ­ and no difference to the results: deservedly down, Delia darling.

Fulham also went up – well, down really ­ the three­man­ agers­in­a­season route, but the Cottagers are a fickle football team, unpredictable and will need next season to sort ‘emselves out in The Championship – will Felix Magath stay? Probably not.

In rock bottom place, Kamikaze Cardiff’s season ended sadly, in confusion and controversy as they even accused others (Crystal Palace) of skulduggery, so shabbily and laughable it hurt – themselves. ‘Orrible owner Vincent Tan must go before he does any more damage. But Doctor No­way says he’s staying – is Ole?