The Courier Week 26

Edition 26

www.thecourier.es

Friday, August 19, 2011

STABBED IN THE TAX Fury over €50m visit by Pope

THE Pope arrived in Madrid yesterday (Thursday) on a four-day mission which has divided rather than united a proudly Catholic nation.

Eight people were arrested and 11 injured – including two police officers in clashes in the capital between riot police and protesters opposed to Pope Benedict XVI’s visit for World Youth Day events.

Violence broke out Wednesday night after a march by thousands of people angry that, among other things, tax-

Turn to Page 6

They feared him as a player - and they don’t argue with his opinions now...

SO if we tell you that WADE DOOLEY has joined The Courier to cover the 2011 Rugby World Cup, you know that signings don’t come any bigger.

At 6ft 8in, the former England and B r i t i s h Lions lock remains a giant force in rugby union - only these days he stands in judgement on others as an RFU citing commissioner.

That sounds rich coming from someone as notorious as hard-man Dooley, but as he explains: ‘‘It’s a serious job which requires a bit

of pragmatism and realism - and an understanding of the dark arts.’’

Who will win the World Cup, which begins in New Zealand on September 9. Don’t miss Wade’s EXCLUSIVE column in The Courier next Friday.

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Friday, August 19, 2011

Talk like Mr Ed? No chance, I’m hoarse TELEPHONE

679 096 309 96 672 6437 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Alto del Moncayo s/n, Guardamar del Segura, 03140, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 672 64 37 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 96 672 6437 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 96 672 6437 616 332 178 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Denise La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 616 332 178 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Writers Mick Hardy Donna Gee Suzanne Manners Sally Bengtsson Harry Nuttall Harold Heys Phil Smith Steve Bott Tony Mayes Jake Monroe

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Picture of the week

96 672 7334

New Murcia Airport ‘open in new year’

By SALLY BENGTSSON

THE new Murcia airport on schedule and programmed to be completed by the end of this year.

Antonio Sevilla, Regional Councillor for Public Works, visited the installations last week and reported that the control tower and outbuildings are all fully completed, as is the airport parking area.

The construction work is now concentrating on the runway.

The passenger terminal and cargo area are also completed and the builders are now working on roads and access around the airport, together with a car park for 1,800 vehicles.

The area around the airport will be dedicated to services related to the needs of travellers and the airport.

Sevilla confirmed that the necessary paperwork and licences are on schedule for the airport to open at the beginning of next year.

This would include a customs office and the reorganisation of airspace in Murcia.

This airport, situated in Corvera, has been an ‘on and off’ project over the past five years. It was originally planned to be up and running by the end of 2010, but due to a lack of funding it was believed at one point the airport would never be completed.

The forecast is for the airport to service an estimated

Monday Sunny High Temperature: 32°C RealFeel: 36°C

2.7 million passengers, travelling on both national and international flights to Europe and the USA. However, a recent report in the Telegraph referred to the “ghost white-elephant airports in Spain” which rarely see any flights and cost billions. And it claimed the new Corvera Airport is unlikely to open at all, saying the regional government insisted that work should go ahead although the site is within 19

miles of San Javier and 80 miles from Alicante, Spain’s sixth biggest airport.

The report claimed that of 48 regional commercial airports built in this debt-ridden country in less than 20 years, only 11 make a profit.

Huesca airport, which opened in 2007 for tourists heading to the central Pyrenees, was a personal initiative by a local politician. who hoped it would bring prosperity to the region.

Its last commercial flight took off in April and the next is not due to land until January 2012.

The airport, just 45 miles from another at Zaragoza, lost six million euros last year. Its shops are closed and the site is deserted apart from a small staff. There is a lone security guard and an air-traffic controller is on stand-by for private planes.

Economics expert Germa Bel i Queralt told leading Spanish daily El Pais: “Spain doesn’t have a transportation policy but a brand policy. We dazzle the world with the best terminals. ‘‘ We wanted to teach the world a lesson and here we are with the highest unemployment rate and AENA, the aviation agency that loses the most money in the world.”

Castellon, on the east coast, opened in March within 100 miles of three thriving airports – though no aircraft can arrive because it is awaiting landing permits. The restriction is likely to remain for at least eight months.

Today Partly sunny High Temperature: 29°C RealFeel: 31°C

Saturday Sunny High Temperature: 29°C RealFeel: 32°C

Sunday Sunny High Temperature: 30°C RealFeel: 31°C

Tuesday Partly sunny High Temperature: 30°C RealFeel: 32°C

Wednesday Partly sunny High Temperature: 29°C RealFeel: 32°C

Thursday Partly sunny High Temperature: 31°C RealFeel: 35°C

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Friday, August 19, 2011

THE MOUSE THAT KILLED TWO MEN And Ratón the deadly bull lives to settle another gore

By SALLY BENGTSSON A BULL called ‘Mouse’ has gored a man to death for the second time in five years – after being recalled by public demand to participate in town fiestas.

Ratón (that’s Mouse in Spanish), took a second life on Saturday night when a 29-year-old man was killed during festivals in Xàtiva, Valencia.

The victim, who was reportedly drunk and had already been dragged out of the ring once by standers-by, tried to get up after the attack, but collapsed and was hauled from the ring by other festival goers. He died shortly after.

Ratón's fame dates back to 2006, when he gored a 54year-old man to death in Sagunto. From that point, requests for an appearance from Ratón began to pour in from all over the region.

The legend of Raton, who is owned by Valencia land owner Gregorio de Jesús, grew after his first slaying. Once he had killed one man, instead of being placed out to pasture for the rest of his days, as the legend goes, he became more and more popular.

Fighting All the towns and villages with bull running or fighting fiestas seemed to want Raton to participate. If he was on the bill, the price of tickets doubled both in price and demand.

The average rental price for a bull to participate is €2,000, but Xativa paid €10,000 to ensure Raton was on the bill for just an hour. And this during a financial crisis!

In the run-up to the fiesta, hundreds of videos of the killer bull in the ring were featured on YouTube, motivating fans to come to the event. All the publicity posters featured a defiant-looking Raton, with his name in huge letters.

Raton has a long history of injuring bullfighters and partygoers alike, many of them seriously. His owner had planned to put him into retirement after the first fatal fight, but public demand wouldn’t allow that.

“What would you do if someone put a blank cheque in front of you and said name your price?” said his owner with a shrug, trying to disguise the guilt he obviously feels.

Raton has his own Facebook page and web page (http://www.gregoriodejesus.com/web/raton), which includes his biography.

THE MOUSE THAT GORED: Ratón goes man-hunting

San Pedro ‘bomb’ chaos EIGHT people needed hospital treatment after a fairground ride went wrong last Saturday at Lo Pagan, San Pedro del Pinatar.

Passengers on the ‘Master’ ride (pictured) heard an explosion which was followed by clouds of smoke, causing panic all around. In the rush to escape what many thought was a bomb, , a number of fairgoers were pushed to the ground.

Firemen were on the scene within minutes apparently discovered that part of the machinery had snapped, causing the load bang.

Most of those who were treated

suffered shock and bruises.

The incident came just days after three young Romanians died after being flung from a high-speed fairground ride in a village near Toledo.

A teenage girl was also severely injured.

It was not immediately clear what went wrong and some reports said the ride, called the ‘Tarantula’, became untethered from the ground.

Many Spanish towns and villages hold summer festivals and the tragedy occurred on the first night of the fiesta at Villacanas.

SALLY BENGTSSON

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Friday, August 19, 2011

DIVIDED WE STAND

IT WAS modern technology which enabled hordes of rioting and looting thugs to gather together within minutes and keep one step ahead of the police during the troubles in England last week.

They communicated together on their BlackBerry phones, co-ordinating their preferences as to where the next trouble spot would be.

But police have been using their own modern technology ever since to fight back and bring the law breakers to justice.

All those CCTV cameras which sections of society have been so critical of, have come into their own, and, as police trawl through the endless images of the rioters and looters, they are able to identify the troublemakers.

It has resulted in up to 3,000 people being arrested and brought to court.

It's been a sad time for the UK and its image abroad. The image of a successful, multi-cultural society living in harmony has been sadly dashed. But events have shown that the troubles were not so much borne of racial tensions as those caused by the huge divide between the haves and havenots and the almost complete breakdown of respect for each other.

The rot was started more than a generation ago by people

hell-bent on social engineering and who thought they knew best. It resulted in politicians sending out messages which devalued family values and has created increasing numbers of children growing up without a male role model.

Married couples were penalised by the tax system while, at the same time, single mothers were encouraged by the benefits system to keep having more children.

Meanwhile, ghettos sprang up where gang culture became the way of life. Financed by drug dealing, prostitution and other organised crime, these ghettos were virtual no-go areas for police.

I'm encouraged that at last, judges and magistrates are handing out custodial sentences to the law breakers, finally sending out a clear message that this won’t be tolerated.

However, it's like closing the door after the horse has bolted - soft magistrates and judges should never have messed around giving suspended sentences and other community-based punishments for serious offences.

I was saddened to read that so many young teenagers who appeared in court did not have parents there to support them. Many just couldn't be bothered. Is it that these parents just have children as a way of increasing their benefits?

Somehow, David Cameron and Co must wean people off depending on benefits and welfare as a way of life. They have to cut immigration, amend or end the ridiculous human rights legislation which often aids the worst in society and

ensure that judges hand out tough sentences. They have to see that there are enough prison places and that prisons are not holiday camps, and enable parents to properly discipline children without fear that a smack will not end up being investigated by police or social workers. And they must restore proper discipline in schools, with the return of corporal punishment if necessary.

But perhaps most important of all is the need to curb the greed of the likes of bankers, directors of major companies and the super-rich who, during the watch of successive governments, have been allowed to get ever richer at the expense of the rest of us. If anything is likely to cause social disharmony, that is it.

ON a personal note, we have had a holiday apartment in the Orihuela Costa area for six years now, and, having retired and spent a few months in Spain, quickly realised that our quality of life was improved living in southern Europe.

So we set about selling our bricks-and-mortar bungalow in Sussex and buying a park lodge on a holiday park. The outcome is a twobedroom, two-bathroom park lodge with decking, which cost us around £70,000 with ground rent/services of around £1,800pa which includes water/sewerage.

Gas is from bottles at the rear and electricity is costed from a meter which is not price-stacked. There is no council tax to pay, no water and sewerage charges and the grass area around the home is maintained.

The ground rent covers our use from April to December; if we wanted to extend it to 50 weeks of the year it would cost an extra £600. The park is closed for two weeks in January.

It has enabled us to have some money in the bank to use to buy a larger home in the area where we have our holiday apartment.

A builder/estate agent is waiting for our return to Spain next month to sort out a part-exchange for us.

It will be interesting so see what's now on offer.

Here's one way of enjoying the Spanish life and having a bolt hole in the UK which is not costing the earth and which is secure and looked after with holiday park staff around 24/7.

Already a couple of friends of ours are considering a similar purchase on the holiday park. If you would like more details, contact me at tonymayes2000 @hotmail.co.uk ADULT HUMOUR: I read an amusing line about George Clooney this week. Apparently when he was aged about 11, he confessed to the priest that he was an adulterer.

He seemingly thought that was the right word to use to explain that he was turning from a boy to an adult.

So what of the future?

THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

Friday, August 19, 2011

MOOR PLEASE! From Granada to Ronda, the beauty of Andalucia

Andalucia...the throbbing heart of a great medieval kingdom which eventually withdrew into the vibrant city of Granada Modern Granada has successfully retained the customs and atmosphere of the exciting people who spilled out of the Sahara desert and swept all before them to become the dominant force in Iberia between the 8th and 15th centuries. These people, known as the Moors, developed an educated and refined society throughout the Iberian Peninsula, only to themselves be humbled by the resurgence of the Christian Monarchs some centuries later.

The final humiliation came with the fall of Granada in1492. Entering Granada all these years later, you find a bustling, modern and rather attractive city. Yet you are never allowed to forget the immensely powerful history which is all around you in of Granada's buildings, its culture and most of all, its people.

with beautiful gardens.

The palaces, in turn, are towered over by the highest mountain range in Spain, the Sierra Nevada. It was here that the Moors fled when ejected from their beloved Granada. Here they farmed the hostile yet very beautiful lands of the Alpujarras Region.

In modern Spain, tiny villages dot the hillsides of this area, which was made green and fertile by the skilled farmers of the Moorish race.

When the snow atop the mountains of the Sierra

The gentle flowing lines of the beautiful Nasserite palace, which was sensitively created by the Moors, sit cheek by jowl with the austere greyness of the Christian king Charles V Palace.

These are only a small part of the world-famous Alhambra palaces, which tower over the centre of the city, surrounded as they are

melts in the summer sun, they yield up water to create the many rivers which make their way to the valleys, which in turn produce an amazing variety of trees, flowers and other fauna.

The Apujarras is indeed a place of great beauty. Not far from here, another town, Antequera, shows signs of a Moorish presence in the Alcazaba, – a sort of forti-

fied castle - which overlooks the busy bustling main street. This in turn leads to streets and squares lined with old churches, monasteries, convents, palaces and city gates.

For the Christians were here also. The city was taken by Don Ferdinand of Antequera on 16 September 1410 after a five-month siege.

Travelling over the plains and ascending the mountains, another of Andalucia’s famous towns appears before us. Ronda is like no other town. Built straddling a gorge, the two halves of this fascinating ancient town are joined together by a fabulous stone bridge which sits majestically over the ravine which for many centuries divided the town.

One half of Ronda is made up of old buildings going back to medieval times. The other side, although not totally modern, is more in line with Victorian times.

There is even a hotel named after our own Queen Victoria as a result of the efforts of the British engineers who helped to build a Spanish railways system during her reign.

It was here, in this unique mountain town, that the rules of modern bullfighting were developed. Here a family dynasty of bullfighters put together, over three generations, the basic components of modern bullfighting - a sport so loved by the Spanish people. No matter your views on this divisive activity, you cannot fail to be impressed with a sightseeing visit to the ancient bullring which goes down in history as the first of its kind.

The popular David’s Coachtrips SL will be running a four-day excursion which visits all the above places. The dates are 5-8 September and you'll be based in a Granada four-star city centre hotel. With all the excursions included, we think the price of only 178€ is a snip. Call (0034) 966785910 to reserve your place. Details of this and other excursions can be found on www.coachtripsonline.com

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Friday, August 19, 2011

Storm over Pope’s visit to Madrid

From Page One payers’ money is being spent on a festival that attracts thousands on pilgrimages from around the world annually.

Police wielding truncheons charged demonstrators several times in Madrid's Puerta del Sol plaza, scene of anti-establishment rallies in recent months.

Earlier this week, a chemistry student working as a volunteer for the Pope’s visit was arrested on suspicion of planning a gas attack targeting protesters opposed to the pontiff’s stay.

The suspect, Jose Perez Bautista, is a 24-year-old Mexican specialising in organic chemistry. Police would not say whether investigators believe he was actually capable of carrying out a gas attack.

He was one of about 30,000 volunteers

Boy, 14, stabbed to death in park attack A 14-YEAR-OLD boy was found stabbed to death in a north London park on Wednesday.

The Sun reported that the body of Leroy James was discovered at Ponders End recreation ground in Enfield at 5.30pm and a Scotland Yard spokesman confirmed: "He was found dead in the park, with a stab wound."

Friends and schoolmates paid tribute to the teenager on a Facebook page set up in his memory.

One pal wrote: "Leroy you was like my little brother and I loved you with all my heart.

"Im going to miss not seeing your face everyday and bussing bare jokes. I felt I could talk to you about anything and i will always remember the things you have done for me. I will always love you."

Another friend added: "I'm so glad I got the chance to tell you that I love you. I can't accept that you're gone..."

Leroy, from Edmonton, is the eighth teenager stabbed to death in the capital this year.

helping in the World Youth Day celebrations.

The World Youth Day festival marks the Pope’s third visit to Spain and is expected to draw more than one million people from across the world.

He was due to be welcomed yesterday afternoon by pilgrims at a ceremony in the Plaza Cibeles in central Madrid, where protesters clashed with police on Wednesday.

'God yes, Church no!' was one of the slogans chanted by the protesters as they marched across central Madrid on the eve of the 84-year-old pope's arrival.

More than 100 groups took part, uniting many causes, including those seeking a change in the Church's attitude to gay rights and those fighting for a clearer separation of church and state.

But the outcry that has struck a chord with many - including some priests - is over the official €50.5m price tag, excluding the cost of police and security, of the Madrid celebrations.

The protest groups, some of which argue the real cost of the event to taxpayers is more than €100m, are joining under the slogan: 'The pope's visit, not with my taxes.'

Organisers say most of the cost will be covered by a registration fee from the assembled pilgrims, and the celebration will be a massive tourist boost for Spain.

But for many the celebrations are jarring at a time when the economy is faltering, the government is making painful cuts and the unemployment rate stands at 20.89%. For those under 25, the jobless figure is over 45%.

WELCOME TO THE HIPODROMO I’VE been racing all over the world.

From Venezuela and Zimbabwe to Dubai and the Czech Republic; across the USA from Churchill Downs in Kentucky, to the Hunt Cup in Maryland and HAROLD HEYS Belmont Park in New York.

And all over Europe from takes a look Paris to Rome. at horseracing But I’ve never been racing in Spain in Spain. Though not for want of trying. following A few years ago, my wife Sunday Longchamp. So off we went and I went over to the Costa again. del Sol in May to race at On the Friday we drove Mijas, just outside over and found the course Fuengirola. We’d checked again. Still a bit desolate the fixtures and reckoned and something of a dustwe’d timed it just right. It was bowl but no doubt it would a glorious day. It was hot all come alive on the and a gentle breeze danced Sunday. along the carretera as we Come Sunday and, sportdrove over from Cala ing my trusty Panama and Honda. bins that had seen a few

Empty

We wound our way up into the hills above La Cala and came to an abrupt halt in the middle of an empty car park.

There was no one around.

The only things moving were a few dry and dead bushes and wisps of sand. It looked like a scene from one of the spaghetti westerns. We dropped back to La Cala but no one there had a clue about the racing.

We eventually found that the fortnightly racing was either side of our eight days over there. Ah, well. We probably saved a few euros.

We tried again early in October, just after the Prix de l’Arc de Triomphe, the big race in Paris. We checked on the internet sites and found that racing was indeed scheduled for the

things in close on 50 years, Christine in a colourful new dress, we went to smack the Spanish Tote or whatever it's called for a few euros.

Alas, the best laid plans . . .

There weren't many cars winding their way out of town towards the hipodromo. There weren't any, actually, except for us. We crested the rise that overlooks the course . . .and found the same deserted sand-trap.

Nobody in sight. Everything locked up. We rattled a few locked gates and reluctantly headed back to our apartment.

It was a couple of days later that we picked up an English-language free newspaper and clocked the story that racing at Mijas had been suspended until the new year. Sunday after-

noon racing should have been under way, but it was knocked on the head so that the newly reopened racecourse at La Zarzuela in Madrid could have a free rein for a few months.

Just our luck. Zarzuela, opened in 1943 and a very smart set-up in its day, had been closed for close on nine years. And although there had been several attempts at getting things moving again, they all fizzled out.

Touches Finally, just as we were putting the finishing touches to our trip to the Costa del Sol, everything had fallen into place at Zarzuela. The grass track had bedded in, the rails were in place, stables were having their finishing touches applied. Starting stalls had been acquired and photo finish equipment and all the rest of it were sorted.

I still haven’t seen racing in Spain – I think that Seville is the only other course –

but either this autumn or next year I certainly intend to try again.

Racing at Mijas had had a rather chequered life in the past few years but now the Hipodromo Costa del Sol, to give it its rather grand title, looks to be thriving. I’m told the course is in excellent shape and the racing very competitive. A lot of work has been done on the place.

The racecourse is now the largest leisure complex on the coast. There will soon be more than 600 livery boxes available and, as well as training rooms for jockeys, there is large jumping paddock and a training

paddock offering riding lessons and training for beginners and seasoned riders.

There is also tiered seating for several thousand fans and a wide variety of bars and food outlets.

As well as the horse racing and riding, there is an athletics ground with running track and gymnasium.

Swimming pools and a lake are nearing completion.

The view is stunning.

The summer season is coming to an end with the last night meeting set for Friday August 26. The autumn-winter season of afternoon racing this year gets under way on Saturday, September 17 and is followed by Saturday meetings on October 1 and 22, November 5 and 19 and on Tuesday, December 6.

If you are over 65 or under 18, entrance is free – it’s usually five euros – and so is parking. If you fancy a break then give the racing a try. The website is at www. hipodromocostadelsol.es I might see you there.

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Friday, August 19, 2011

WHEN INSURANCE GETS OUT OF SINK BURIED in my unopened post when I arrived in England two weeks ago was a renewal notice from my home insurers in Manchester

The letter from the Halifax confirmed that my buildings and contents insurance would be automatically renewed from August 12...at an annual cost of £654.60, nearly double the previous year’s figure.

And three times what I pay for full cover for my three-bedroom house in Spain. ‘’We will collect £54.55 each month starting on August 28’’, said the kind people who six months ago rejected the only claim I have made in the last seven years.

Some hope! They must have been dreaming.

That snubbed claim cost me £700 – the price of a new flat roof to replace the one that had leaked water into an extension bathroom during Manchester’s obligatory nightly storm.

Why wouldn’t they pay?

Well, seemingly a pitched roof doesn’t last very long so had predictably squirmed its if yours hasn’t been re-cov- way out of refunding just a ered in the last 10 years, tiny fraction of the premiums the insurance companies you’ve had it.

So the Halifax were get- have had from me over the ting the chop, that’s for sure. years.

When I called to cancel the No way was I forking out £654.60 – and no way was I policy, the posh-sounding staying with a company that guy on the other end seemed

not the slightest bothered. ‘’I simply can’t afford to renew at that price,’’ I moaned, trying to sound as much like a little old lady as I could (I’m actually a medium-sized old lady). ‘’I quite understand, madam, but the large increase is down to the fact our policies are now prepared using Lloyds TSB Insurance guidelines. If you have time to answer a few questions on your specific requirements, I’m sure we can reduce that figure considerably.’’

No thanks, I’d rather stay medium-sized (that’s a joke, by the way).

I had already gone meerkat hunting and been given an online quote by

Direct Line for exactly £265 – including accidental damage, which my Halifax policy did not cover.

But I had nothing to lose, so I embarked on a fiveminute question and answer session, which culminated in a question about subsidence.

Now, it so happens that I live at No.7, near the bottom of a sloping cul-de-sac, and that 20-odd years ago, No.1 – the lowest-level house in the neighbourhood - was underpinned due to some form of subsidence.

I don’t know the full facts but I do know that there have been no problems for many, many years and that my house, which is 75 years old, has NEVER been affected by any form of subsidence.

Shock, horror... the man I had dubbed Halifax Lloyd had some bad news for me. ‘’Madam, I am afraid we cannot insure you if there is a history of subsidence within 100 yards of your house,’’ he informed me. ‘’And you will be lucky to find a mainline insurance company that will.’’

What about contents insurance?’’ I asked. ‘’We can’t do that, either.

We can’t give you any kind of home insurance.’’

Now I knew for sure that he was talking through his backside. Buildings subside, contents get stolen. Different thing altogether.

But the Halifax Lloyd still had another card to play. ‘’However, we would allow renewal of an existing policy,

which at £654.60 would be cheap compared to the sort of prices you’ll be quoted by specialist insurers.’’

I got vibes that he thought I’d deliberately avoided mentioning the subsidence when I originally took out the policy, which is absolutely untrue.

Either way, Lloyd had burnt his bridges...

Now uninsured after cancelling my new Halifax rip-off policy, I got straight on to Direct Line, hoping they would honour their £265 offer – but fearing the worst.

I spoke to guy called Shane and went straight to the point. ‘’I want to take up your online quote,’’ I said, ‘’but I live three doors away from a house that once had subsidence and my previous insurers told me I would struggle to get cover of any sort.’’

I always thought insurance companies worked together.

But in this case the goalposts moved to the other end of the pitch in less than five seconds. ‘’Absolutely no problem,’’ said Shane. ‘’I’m sure we can cover you...give me a for a few seconds and I’ll just check with my supervisor.’’

A minute later, I became a Direct Line policyholder .

And once I’ve looked out of the lounge window again to check that No.1 hasn’t been sucked into a bottomless pit, I’m sure the stress will subside. And hopefully not my house.

The old dear and the spitty slickers IF I was polite, I would just call it the British Teenage Disease.

I’m referring to the swaggering ‘I do what I want and take orders from no one’ attitude that symptomises the less intelligent of the hoodie generation in the UK. I had the privilege of being in the company of four of these gentlemen in Manchester this week – thankfully for only a few minutes.

But that was long enough to strengthen my view that the banning of discipline in schools has created a subculture of insolence and disrespect among the thickos that will probably be with us indefinitely.

I was sitting outside a roadside cafe enjoying a cup of tea and a baguette when a bus pulled up a few yards away and discharged this quartet of what could loosely be called youths.

They were all aged around 13 and wearing a scruffy array of tracksuits, torn jeans and hoodies.

The posturing immediately began – accompanied by a game of verbal Scrabble, using only words starting with

F and ending with K, and the odd ‘ing’ allowed. This, regardless of the fact there an elderly woman and her 11-year-old granddaughter were sitting no more than 15 feet away. (OK, I’m not that old, but I’ve made my point).

I immediately felt threatened, intimidated, call it what you like. My inclination was to get up and leave but I was only halfway through my baguette and nobody was going to deprive me of that!

One of the lads cleared his throat loudly and deposited a lump of phlegm on the pavement.

Woman eating sandwich or not, he was going to spit where and when he wanted, just like his hero Wayne Rooney.

So he did it again to emphasise his manliness.

Then out came the cigarette packets to emphasise the maturity of the Banal Brigade, who moved on to kicking a metal newspaper billboard as if to say, ‘’We can do what we like with anyone’s property.’’

I just wanted them to go...and fortunately they did.

In those few short moments, those four fools also

cemented my belief that this sort of behaviour is here to stay in Britain.

It stems from the banning of corporal punishment at home and in school - and there is no way the nation’s PC plonkers will bring back the cane, the slipper or the clip around the earhole.

I realise we are talking about relatively rural areas and not inner-city hovels, but I can honestly say I have NEVER seen a gathering of Spanish youngsters that looks in any way threatening.

Which says a lot for the good parenting and respect of authority that is patently absent from a sizeable section of their British counterparts.

Either way, I feel ten times as safe in Spain as I do in suburban Manchester. And 100 times drier.

Whether you agree or disagree with Donna, email your comments to donna@thecourier.es

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Friday, August 19, 2011

Friday, August 19, 2011

FAT’S LIFE! Susanne’s out to be the

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world’s heaviest woman

While most of us want to lose a few pounds, this woman has a bizarre weight goal – to become the world’s fattest ever person.

And according to the Daily Mirror, 52 stone Susanne Eman, who consumes 22,000 calories a day, is not even half way to her 115 stone target.

The single mum, 32, insists she is healthy, despite eating 11 times the recommended number of calories. And she reckons she is more appealing to men.

She said: “The bigger I get, the better I feel. I feel more confident and sexy. I’d love to find out if it’s possible to reach a ton. A previous record holder was 115 stone, so I have to be at least that. At my

current rate of growth, I should be 115 stone by 41 or 42.”

Susanne – who cannot work due to her weight – visits the supermarket once a month with sons Gabriel,16, and Brendin, 12, and spends eight hours filling six trolleys.

Susanne, of Arizona, USA, insists she does simple exercises and has regular health checks.

But her doctor, who says she has no health or psychiatric problems, has warned her diet could kill her. Dr Patrick Flite said: “She’s really playing Russian roulette with her life.”

Susanne said if she becomes ill her sister Cassie will look after her kids.

Unlock the door to a little bit extra THE newly-opened S J & A Torrevieja store has the key to most people’s needs – plus a little bit more (yes, they do cut keys as well!)

Here you will find gifts, costume jewellery, postcards and greeting cards, ‘As Seen on TV’ products and various items of houseware.

Also in stock are over 5,500 used books in both English and Spanish with a starting price of 50 cents. It may only be August, but the store will soon be twinkling with Christmas gifts and cards, decorations and pre-lit Christmas trees in various sizes.

Water features, oil candles and teak garden furniture can also be found within the store, along with beach chairs. And S J & A Torrevieja is also the place to hire mobility aids such as electric scooters, wheelchairs, rollators and more.

We’ll personalise anything!

S J & A Digit.All

THE ultimate in personal service! We can create any design you require, be it on clothing, sportswear or whatever. Print transfer, embroidery, vinyl and flocks can be used to produce exactly what you are looking for. So if you are an individual bar, business, restaurant or sports club/team, then come and see us for all your printing needs.

We can design and produce any amount - even a single T Shirt if that’s what you want.

We also engrave Post Box plates, trophies, key rings, gifts, pens etc. - again to the exact requirement of businesses or individuals.

We print business cards, flyers, personal invitations for those special occasions, greeting cards, posters, banners and

YOGA DOGA DO

Introducing the new way to relax with your pet

By SALLY BENGTSSON SPAIN has never been renowned for its animal lovers, but this may all be changing.

It’s becoming more and more common to see people jogging with their dogs in parks, and even swimming in the sea with them (at deserted beaches).

The latest fad is for owners to take dogs to yoga classes with them - and the new activity has its own name.

It’s called Doga - and both owner and pet practise it together in a class.

The class starts with deep breathing. The dog should find a comfortable place on top of or next to you. Concentrate, stroke your dog and relax.

The idea began in the USA when actress Suzy Tietelman decided to incorporate her cocker spaniel into her yoga routine, to relax both owner and pet. Between 2002 and 2006 the technique gained in popularity, and today thousands of people all over the world practise it.

In Spain classes are given in Lealcan, and many people follow the classes via the internet at Lealcan.com .

The routines are followed with your dog on your lap, in

your arms, on your body etc. You stroke the dog and the energy is transmitted between pet and owner, creating unity.

Those who practise it claim to feel more relaxed, exercised, stress free, and their digestive problems and bonding improves.

even mouse mats. Signwriting can be done for communities, shops, bars, we do Vehicle Graphics including magnets - and for that special occasion Chinese sky lanterns and candle bags can be purchased in the store.

So come along and discuss your needs with Digit.All. Our shop is situated in Calle Jose Hurtado Romero opposite the Tanatorio down by the Park of Nations in Torrevieja.

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Friday, August 19, 2011

GET-OUT CLAWS

I WAS seated at the dining room table trimming my toenails when my wife made an observation.

'What a vile, loathsome sight,' she said.

I glanced behind me. 'Has your mother decided to join us at last?'

'You crude apology for a husband!' she further observed.

'Tilting back on your chair, your bare feet on the tablecloth, hacking away at your claws. It's disgusting!'

'I quite agree, madam,' said the hotel waiter who had approached to take our order.

'But I'm on holiday,' I pointed out.

'I want my toenails to appear neat and clean-cut when I'm sporting my flip-flops. I happen to have personal hygiene standards, you know.'

'And what personal hygiene standards are those?' Mrs S scoffed.

'Can't tell you,' I shrugged. 'It's personal.'

Mrs S shook her head in my direction in a gesture of pity and embarrassment. The waiter tutted at me with disapproval.

As for the hotel diners, they refused to look at me and instead muttered with disdain into their soups.

I felt as though I were guest of honour at a head-shaking, tutting and muttering convention.

Unperturbed, I turned to the waiter. 'I'm ready to order now.

'My mother-in-law - if she ever emerges from her room - will have the poison mushrooms. My wife will have a bowl of chewy caramels. And I'll have the steak.'

'Rare?' asked the waiter.

'Nah,' I said. 'I often order the steak.'

The waiter shook his head, tutted and muttered. 'I guess welldone, then,' he said.

'Thank you for the compliment,' I responded and took a bow, which wasn't easy with both feet on the table.

Feet first into the no-toe zone I winked at the waiter. 'I find a bit of badinage and banter before a meal helps boost the appetite, eh, garcon? Now for our actual dinner order.

'Please fetch us jumbo sausage and fries three times – but still with the toxic toadstools on the side for the creepy crone who is soon to join us.'

I turned to Mrs S. 'So where is your mother? I know she can't remove the lid and climb out of her daytime resting place until the sun

goes down but she really is late.'

I looked at my watch. 'My goodness, the big finger has already reached Hopalong Cassidy's hat.'

I put my socks and shoes back on and studied my fellow diners.

'The German guests are most odd,' I whispered to Mrs S. 'They think I'm Welsh, you know.

'Every morning they call me Morgan. And every afternoon they want me to join them in a game of tag. They preface everything with glutton or guten or something like

that. Whatever can it all mean?'

Mrs S stared at me. 'I don't care what it means. All I know is that my mother told me I was too good for you.'

I mentally leafed through the pages of my big book of insults and came up with: 'Your mother is barmy!'

Mrs S jabbed her finger at me.

'No barmier than your Uncle Len who used to let his budgie out of the cage at mealtimes and encourage it to splash about in his gravy.'

'A malicious calumny and hurtful slur!' I responded. 'It was my Uncle Sid who did that.'

A silence descended on our table, broken only by a dull thump as a metal object fell out of my jacket pocket onto the carpet.

'What's that?' asked a suspicious Mrs S. 'Er, it's just a bit of technical wizardry I'm working on as part of my homework from inventors class,' I said.

'Well, it looks like a sawn-off bathroom door handle to me,' she said - and then blanched.

'You swine!' she cried. 'You pretended you were concerned about mother's whereabouts when all the time she was imprisoned in her ensuite khazi!'

'But it's only until we finish our meal,' I argued. 'I do respect the old bat but we are on holiday and she happens to get on my nerves . . .'

The night we got back from holiday I told my story to Dave the barman at my local.

'It sure sounds like you had a fun time at your Spanish hotel,' he said.

'Indubitably,' I said. 'My mother-in-law's still stuck in the bathroom but I’m sure the fire brigade will have her out soon.'

I bade goodnight to Dave and started to walk home. Then I stopped, turned around and schlepped back to the pub.

'What did you mean by Spanish hotel?' I asked Dave the barman.

'Who said anything about Spain?'

Dave looked puzzled. 'Well, where did you go on holiday, then?'

'How the hell should I know?' I said. 'You know I'm petrified of flying. They had to drug me to get me on the plane and I was knocked out again for the return flight.

'I'd love to know where I spent the last 10 days but Mrs S isn't speaking to me. Still, I had a great time and can definitely recommend wherever it was as a holiday resort.'

Friday, August 19, 2011

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Friday, August 19, 2011

TICKET 303, YOUR QUILT AWAITS YOU THANKS to Chris, who runs the line-dancing social evenings in Calasparra, €500 was raised for MABS Murcia through the sale of raffle tickets for a gorgeous patchwork quilt.

However, the winner of the delightful prize in our photograph, hand-crafted by Joan Greener, is a mystery.

The winning number – 303 - was drawn at a social held at the Don Gomez Restaurant but it seems the phone number supplied by the ticket-holder was written down incorrectly.

The name on the ticket is ‘’Tony’, so if you’re that man, or you think you know who he is, would you please contact MABS on 693 824 511.

MABS Murcia director Lyn Baines said: “Joan’s been supporting MABS for some time by raffling her beautiful handmade quilts. ‘‘They are very well made and take many hours of work. I do hope we can track down the winner soon.”

THE Broadway and Hollywood spectacular is being revived to help fund Downs Syndrome swimmer Adam Stewart’s E u r o p e a n Championship dream.

Adam is seeking support in his bid to represent Great Britain at the first DSISO Open European Championships in Coimbra, Portugal in November.

And Jukebox Promotions have agreed to bring back the hugely successful Broadway and Hollywood show for one night to raise €700 towards the cause.

In June, this show received a standing ovation at all of the eight venues it toured.

A splash hit for Adam And Andy Jones will again be the star turn at AREA in the Filton Centre at Los Balcones on Thursday September 15.

Tickets for the three-hour spectacular in aid of Adam are just €7.50 and there is a special block booking deal where groups of 10 or more can get two tickets FREE. Call the info line on 695135134 or 608908720 - more information at www.jukeboxpromotions.co.uk

SOME LIKE IT HOT But it’s grin and bare it time as Terry shows a leg WITH the temperature above 30, most people were thinking of ways to stay cool on Monday cold drinks, a dip in the pool or a refreshing swim in the sea.

Looking Good for fab fashion LOUISE BRANDLEY from Looking Good Boutique is bringing her latest collection to La Herradura in Los Montesinos on September 9 in aid of Paul Cunningham Nurses.

The Fabulous Fashion Show starts at 11am with champagne on arrival and canapés served during the short interval.

A hairdresser will be on hand to advise on style and colour, while make-up artist Rosa will show you every enhancement trick in her book.

The organisers also hope to have an expert on picking the colours that will really suit you.

Tickets are just €10 and will be available from August 23 at Looking Good Boutique in La Zenia, The Post Room in Benijofar or by calling Paul Cunningham Nurses on 639 318 526.

On the day your ticket price can be redeemed

against certain purchases from Looking Good Boutique. It is hoped that Natasha Moon from Hair OTT will give free consultations plus €10 to spend on any hair treatment in her salon.

Also making an appearance will be Taffeta the miniature horse from Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre, who has modelled before for Looking Good Boutique.

There will be fabulous prizes to win in the raffle and all money raised will be donated to Paul Cunningham Nurses.

Book your tickets today by calling 966 760 479 or 639 318 526 as, to ensure everyone’s comfort, tickets will limited.

Not so Terry Rooke, who decided to do something completely different to help other people affected by cancer. He was going to have his legs waxed, just like Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon did in the cult movie Some Like It Hot. These ‘challenges’ are often thrown down after a few drinks for a bet, but not so for Terry, who had the full backing of his partner, Sue. The decision was made without a drop of alcohol in sight - Terry was having his legs waxed to raise money for MABS Cancer Support Group in Mazarrón.

Vivienne O’Neill, from the Fuchsia Beauty Clinic, was there to introduce him to the won- that waxing isn’t for wimps ders of waxing, giving her and we’re really grateful that he was brave enough to time for free.

Terry lay smiling on the raise such a handsome sum bed as Vivienne carefully for us in this whacky way. ‘‘We rely totally on donasmoothed wax on his legs.

But the smile quickly turned tions and fundraising events to a grimace as she pulled like this one, so please get in touch with us if you have an off the first strip.

Nevertheless, Terry grit- idea, no matter how crazy it ted his teeth and hung in may be!”

MABS Mazarrón is a registhere until both legs had been thoroughly de-fuzzed. tered charity (No. 7261) offeSponsored by friends and ring help and support to local relatives, Terry’s endurance people diagnosed with or paid off as he raised the being treated for cancer. For princely sum of €150 for confidential help or support, MABS Mazarrón. Said call our HELPLINE 620 422 or visit website: MABS director Lyn Baines: 410 “I’m sure Terry will agree www.mabsmurcia.com

OUCH! Terry discovers there’s no gain without pain

HOT AND BOTHERED: Terry waits for the worst as Vivienne waxes lyrical...

It’s K9 sale time...at 50 cents an item The K9 animal charity are holding a sale on Monday (August 22) - with all clothes priced at just 50cents an item.

Opening times of the K9 shop is Monday-Saturday 10am- 2pm.

K9 Club are also holding a DinnerDance on September 20 at the Sports Complex, Satellite Roundabout, La Marina (7.30).

Tickets are available from the

Charity Shop in Calle Alfredo Kraus, or from the Sports Complex at just €8 per head.

This price includes a meal and music by the ‘Short Fuse band.

Friday, August 19, 2011

HENRY’S BACKS A €300 WINNER...

HELP at Hand went Horse Racing in Los Alcazares last Saturday – and came up with a €500 jackpot.

Conrad, Karen and Carl worked tirelessly to make it a night to remember at Henry’s Bar in Rio Nalon and the HAH President said: ‘It was a fantastic amount to raise and we would like to thank all those who supported us.’’

After a very successful first year, HAH are celebrating with a birthday party at the Novo Carthago Bar/restaurant in Los Urrutias on September 28. Tickets are limited and at only 5€ for a super savoury buffet, Paddy Singh style, with entertainment from Tony Lincoln, this should be a night to remember.

Please book at the bar or telephone Lesley on 968 134 978.

The following autumn/winter events are planned: September 6: Volunteers Meeting at Las Claras from 11am September 12: Campbell’s Bar/Restaurant.

Roda. Cookery demo followed by three-course

menu + glass of wine 10€. Bookings to Celia on 968 574 576.

September 13: La Zona Bar, Los Narejos (opp Consum) Charity Table top/books/bric a brac etc.

Pick up a bargain from local charities. 11am-2pm.

Details from the bar.

September 24: Dinner Dance at Intercontinental Hotel, Mar Menor Golf Resort. Snooker superstar Willie Thorne attending. €45 incl. beer, wine, etc., Details/booking from Les on 868 186 657.

September 28: Novo Carthago, Los Urrutias HAH 1st birthday party with entertainment by Tony Lincoln. Super Savoury British/Indian buffet €5 per person. Booking essential. Tel: Lesley 968 134 978 (non fund-raising event).

October 4: Volunteers meeting at Las Claras from 11am.

October 18: La Vereda Restaurant Sucina.

Fantastic Fashion show and auction with Ziggy and her girls. 3-5ish. €3 to include drink and nibbles. Jewellery, nails etc. Details from Lesley 968 134 978 or Heather 968 371 080 For further information on HAH Help at Home, visit www.helpathome.es. For assistance if you are struggling to cope, call 633 673 034. Or to give a little of your time to help others, ring Lesley on 968 134 978 or email helpathomespain@gmail.com

CELEBRATING Hawaiian style at Casa Elmara

Aloha aloha - it’s the Hawaii five-o!

THE Cardinal Belluga Theatre Group Hawaiian BBQ went with a definite hula swing – plus a giant splash.

Te 50 guests provided a spectacular splash of colour in Hawaiian dress, and also enjoyed a refreshing splash in the pool at Casa Elmara, home of Maria and Elwyn Mosley.

As well as being a sum-

mer social get-together, the BBQ helped to celebrate member Bernard Jackson’s 70th birthday.

The theatre group are resting for the summer, but will be back at work on September 12 for rehearsals on the second showing of ‘Musical Kaleidoscope’.

They will be performing on October 21 at the

Cardenal Belluga Theatre in San Fulgencio.

New members are always welcome, so if you are looking for a new pastime you might like to join this friendly group, which meets on Monday at the Cardinal Belluga Theatre.

For further info and tickets for our next show, please ring Maria on 966715891.

MABS EVENTS IN CALASPARRA Saturday August 20: 'Viva las Vegas' show - live music 8.00 pm. Alandalus Restaurant, Calasparra.

August 26: MABS Book Stall – 11 am - 2 pm Outside the Trevol Bar/Cafe on Urb. Tierra del Sol, Calasparra. (This is held the last Friday of every month) September 2: MABS Market Stall in Calasparra Market – 9 am -1 pm Situated opposite the Gran Via cafe (This is held the first and third Friday of the month 9 am -1 pm) September 14: MABS Murcia NW Volunteer Monthly Meeting – 5 pm

Cañada Verde 47 – new volunteers welcome. Call 650 103 095 for further details.

September 16: MABS Market Stall in Calasparra Market – 9 am -1 pm. Situated opposite the Gran Via cafe (This is held the first and third Friday of the month 9 am -1 pm) September 30: MABS Book Stall – 11 am 2 pm. Outside the Trevol Bar/Cafe on Urb. Tierra del Sol, Calasparra. (This is held the last Friday of every month).

For further information on Calasparra events, please contact: mabsmurcianw@gmail.com

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Friday, August 19, 2011

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Friday, August 19, 2011

MINISTRY OF JERKS THEY’RE off! Catfight!

Catfight! Catfight! David Cameron and Ed Miliband with their claws into each other, with the embers of that burnt-out furniture store in Croydon still wafting in London’s southern air.

Cameron says “I’ve got the answer” and that his government will deal with the “broken society” with plans to help families, parenting and education. What those plans might be are as mysterious as Lord Lucan’s latest abode - but wait!

Ministers have been told to go away and come back with some ideas. That’ll annoy them as their summer holidays are in tatters, and headmaster Cameron will be ready with his Old Etonian cane to give their buttocks “six of the very best” if they don’t come The Cameron and up with loads of goodies for Miliband show: Cowardly the Tory faithful to cheer along Lion or Tin Man...but to at their annual conference which is which? in Manchester.

Perhaps some gallows and medieval stocks will be hired for the occa- Ed, who of course wants you to forget that sion as Mancunian hoodies are dragged in his party had, until 16 months ago, capfrom the local streets for some humiliation, tained the good ship UK for 13 years. Also with Lord Norman Tebbit as the honorary that most of the areas where the recent violence took place had been under the control operator of the machinery. of Labour council fiefdoms since the early Rubbish Mind you, I don’t see Cameron heading days of universal suffrage.

Can he please, then, tell us why teenage off to the Trafford Centre for some ritual hoodie-hugging, do you? What a fool he pregnancies, gang crime, drug-taking, alcomust feel in the current circumstances for hol abuse and poor school literacy and coming up with that rubbish three years ago numeracy standards all leapt during which has come back to haunt him every Labour’s years in power? He has rightly night he rests his head on his gold- apologised for Tony Blair’s Iraq con-trick, but has offered no remorse for his party’s embossed silk pillow!

Meanwhile, the cherubic-faced Ed domestic disasters.

At least some former ministers, like David Miliband is offering little, perhaps preferring the Government to take a lead and cover Blunkett, have raised their heads above themselves in their own mire. Like a stuck water and admitted that something went vinyl record, he keeps chiding Cameron for wrong with Labour’s land of Eldorado, and not coming up with an official inquiry into the that multi-culturism has failed in the UK. riots. If he says ‘no knee-jerk’ again, I swear The Lib Dem deputy leader, Simon I may do some lasting damage to my TV Hughes, has also been using that ‘knee-jerk’ screen, as well as to my own knee. phrase over one instant idea that seems to So please, no more jerking of any kind for be in play already with one or two councils.

And he, along with former Tory leadership candidate David Davis, may well have a point.

Last Friday, Wandsworth Council served the first eviction notice on a thug’s family after he was convicted of looting. Take away the emotion for a moment and just think about the fairness of doing something like that. True, we don’t know the parenting circumstances behind this decision, and whether there had been previous trouble involving tenants, but at first glance this seems ridiculous.

Faceless A lot of the convicted thugs have come from families in private housing, so what is happening there? Nothing, of course, and you have to remember that all English councils have an obligation to house families, so this is plainly stupid and has not been thought out.

It should be up to the courts to dole out the punishments - not faceless council officials. All the serious problems that have

reared their ugly heads over the last fortnight can’t be solved in just a few days, and there’s no quick fix akin to Dorothy clicking her heels in The Wizard of Oz’! At least she didn’t resort to a ‘kneejerk’ as she danced down the Yellow Brick Road, but who out of Cameron or Miliband will be vying to be either the Cowardly Lion or the Tin Man? Why do politicians hate doing U-turns?

Circumstances change, like with the recent riots, so why is there reluctance for the current government to review their decision to make cuts to police forces around the country?

There’s loads of wiggle room for the Home Secretary, Theresa May, as Labour concede that they would have made cuts of around 12 per cent! So there’s eight per cent to play with.

Would it really be so unpopular if the gap was made up by an increase in taxation somewhere, so that hard-working decent folk know their homes and businesses are protected by more bobbies on the beat?

It’s all rather worrying for a Conservative Party that has always shrouded its body with the flag of ‘Law and Order’, yet now has record low morale amongst police officers who used to be guaranteed Tory supporters.

When Margaret Thatcher came into power in 1979, she upped police numbers straight away, despite the poor economic situation.

The current situation must have Lady T sighing in disbelief at her London house whilst drowning her sorrows in her favourite tipple – whisky.

But as she admitted, she was not a lady for turning, as her stupid stance over the Poll Tax proved, and a few months later she was out of Downing Street on her blue-dressed behind.

She might now have some reflective wisdom to offer to the Home Secretary on the positive benefits of a U turn after her political career was so abruptly ended in 1990.

Obi the hero dog

MEET Obi, the four-legged hero the London rioters could not deter. The three-year-old German Shepherd sustained a fractured skull - shown by the shaved patch above his left eye - after being hit with a brick.

The brave dog and his handler PC Phil Wells were on the front line when the rioting started in Tottenham on August 6 and bravely carried on working fafte being struck, despite bleeding from his left nostril.

PC Wells explained: "There were lots of missiles coming at us, bottles, bricks, petrol bombs, street furniture, too many to count and one hit Obi on the top of the head.

"Initially he was a bit shocked but I gave him a check-over and after the initial shock he seemed fine so we carried on for another couple of hours."

After an assessment Obi was found to be lethargic and a CT scan revealed he had a fractured skull above the left eye socket. PC Wells said Obi has lived at home with PC Wells since he was a puppy: Sad the officer: "He is my best friend and to see him get injured is very emotional."

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Friday, August 19, 2011

FROM THE PRESS:

PLAYERS’ STRIKE KOs THE BIG KICK-OFF

Were disabled kids’ deaths mercy killings?

THE first weekend of the new Spanish football season has been cancelled – because of a players’ strike.

Talks between the league and the players association failed to produce any agreement on Wednesday.

It means that all La Liga and second division games are off, and meetings will continue in forthcoming days to try to avoid the stoppage continuing.

Reports from the talks indicate the two sides are as far apart as ever.

Spanish League President José Luis Astiazarán said after Wednesday’s meeting: ‘‘We have not reached any agreement. The AFE has upped the stakes, the differences are important, but we have to continue trying to advance. We cannot give more than we Police clash with protesters have’. in Madrid on Wednesday The dispute has arisen because the AFE wants a over the Pope’s visit ‘wage guarantee fund’ which would cover payments of €50 million owed to players, and also wants clubs which have not paid their players to be sanctioned.

Some players across the country POLICE in Malaga have arrested six people who conned have not been paid for some time, and more than 180 men with fictitious offers of work as gigothe AFE claims it is being supported by los. players’ unions in countries such as The group, which operated out of Fuengirola, gleaned Germany, Italy, Portugal, France and some €53,000 from the would-be male prostitutes.

Holland.

The men were lured by advertisements in the press They say that last season ended throughout Spain, in which work as an escort was offered with €50 million owed to more than in return for attractive financial gains.

200 players.

Once the false company had been contacted, the group The LFP says that they want players directed the interested parties to websites supposedly to work out days they play for the detailing the conditions of the post. In order to register National team as holiday time, and for with the company, the victims were told to deposit betwethem to all hand over their personal en €200 and €1,000 in various accounts, whereupon the image rights. fraudsters promised to put them in contact with potential They say the AFE claims are ‘incom- clients. These introductions never materialised, and the prehensible’. money was never refunded.

‘GIGOLOS FLEECED FOR €53,000’

A WOMAN worker was taken into custody after three children were found dead at a home for disabled kids on Monday.

Cecilio Vadillo, an Interior Ministry representative in the northern Castilla-Leon region, said the victims - aged three, nine and 14 - were found after police were summoned to the home in the small town of Boecillo.

Vadillo added that police found the three special-needs children and also the 55year-old woman, who had cuts to the head and wrist that could be consistent with a suicide attempt.

An official in Vadillo's office said one hypothesis police are working under is that the caretaker suffocated the children - who were severely disabled and had very limited mobility - with a plastic bag in what she saw as a mercy killing. .

The home is run by a Spanish charity called Mensajeros por la Paz, the president of which, Rev. Angel Garcia, said the tragedy was "an act that can only stem from madness."

Two of the children were Spanish and the third was from the former Spanish colony of Equatorial Guinea. The caretaker is of Uruguayan origin.

CHED A E B E C A N E M H IS F Y LL JE

highlighted SINCE the Courier page article nt fro a in m ble the pro than 350 re mo o, ag three weeks have been ish lyf jel of s ne ton r Menor. removed from the Ma have been y an The Tragsa comp to make ck clo the nd working rou

imming. In the waters safe for sw more than ng sti co n tio an opera n Pedro Sa m fro €500,000, boats aches be the ing an cle en have be Los r, vie Ja San around and San na ge rta Ca , res Alcaza Pedro.

Algerian boat immigrants face expulsion WHILE many immigrants are choosing to return to their countries of origin due to lack of opportunities in Spain, other are risking life and limb to make it into Europe across the deathly waters.

Last Monday 12 would-be immigrants from Algeria were detained by police just as they reached Spanish soil near Cartagena.

They will now be returned to their homeland.

Three of the group are under 18, and five needed medical assistance from the Red Cross.

Their boat was detected by one of the SIVE radars erected up and down the coast exactly for this purpose, which picked them up when they were 16 kilometres from Calblanque beach.

In climatic conditions ideal for reaching

the Spanish coast, four rafts and boats were intercepted carrying a total of 66 immigrants - all taking huge risks to reach what they believe would be a better life.

‘Bye text, what’s next?

THANKS to their high price in Spain and the advent of instant messaging on mobiles, text messages are becoming less and less

popular. More and more people are paying just €6 a month and using email and BlackBerry messages between mobile phones at no additional cost.

SMS messages may be running on borrowed time and in the course of time meet the same fate as walkmans, CDs and video cameras.

SALLY BENGTSSON

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Friday, August 19, 2011

HOME AND AWAY

BRIDE SEES GROOM EATEN BY A SHARK The Sun A TRAGIC bridegroom was killed by a shark off an idyllic honeymoon island - as his horrified new bride looked on.

Four years in jail for men in Facebook call for riot The Guardian

SO HAPPY: Ian and Gemma before the terror attack

Ian Redmond, 30, was attacked in shallow water just 100ft off a Seychelles beach.

The hungry Bull shark tore off his arm and ripped chunks from his torso, leaving its victim to bleed to death on the shore.

One local on Praslin Island said: "It was just like a Jaws movie - absolutely horrific to see."

Witnesses said fishermen carried the victim from the water to the beach, but that he bled to death in the arms of his traumatised new wife Gemma before paramedics could arrive.

The fatal attack - the area's second by a Bull shark in just two weeks - came 20 miles from the spot where Prince William and his wife Kate shared their honeymoon in May. Officials banned tourists from snorkelling or swimming at the scene off idyllic Praslin Island until the killer shark is caught.

The Brit and his bride were visiting stunning Anse Lazio beach in the early evening when the beast launched its attack in shallow waters only 100ft from the shore.

One terrified islander said tonight: "The man was swimming very close to the beach when he began splashing and shouting for help.

"There was a horrific amount of blood in the water and it A PENSIONER has died after was exactly like a scene from Jaws." being stung by a sw arm of angry Gemma, 27, from Wigan, was sunbathing and heard him wasps. Janette Du ncan, 75, and shout "help, help" as the Bull shark savaged him. husband George, 74, from near She said: "I loved him so much and he was a very special Chelmsford, were on a walk when husband, a thoughtful son and a devoted brother. they were attacked.

"We were having so much fun and we were so excited It is believed a garde ner disturabout our future together."

WOMAN STUNG TO D EATH

bed a nest in a hedg e. The swarm then stung the coup le dozens of time.

Janette collapsed aft er suffering a suspected heart attack and was flown by air am bulance to hospital where she lat er died.

TWO men who posted messages on Facebook inciting people to riot in their home towns have both been sentenced to four years in prison by a judge at Chester Crown Court.

Jordan Blackshaw, 20, set up an ‘event’ called Smash Down in Northwich Town for the night of August 8on the social networking site but no one apart from the police, who were monitoring the page, turned up at the pre-arranged meeting point outside a McDonalds restaurant.

Blackshaw was promptly arrested.

Perry Sutcliffe-Keenan, 22, of Latchford, Warrington, used his Facebook account in the early hours of August 9 to design a web page entitled The Warrington Riots. The court was told it caused a wave of panic in the town.

When he woke up the following morning with a hangover, he removed the page and apologised, saying it had been a joke. His message was distributed to 400 Facebook contacts, but no rioting broke out as a result.

Sentencing Blackshaw to four years in a young offenders’ institution, Judge Elgan Edwards QC said he had committed an ‘‘evil act’’. He said: ‘‘This happened at a time when collective insanity gripped the nation. Your conduct was quite disgraceful and the title of the message you posted on Facebook chills the blood. ‘‘You sought to take advantage of crime

£9m Lotto winner’s suicide bids LOTTO Lout Michael Carroll has made two suicide bids after plunging into despair over squandering his entire £9.7million jackpot.

The alcoholic - who blew his 2002 win on booze, parties, cars, drugs, bling and prostitutes - tried to hang himself, then cut his throat with a craft knife.

Last night the 28-year-old dad of two, now living on benefits and weighing 20st, told how he tried to end it all after he was ditched by girlfriend Gemma Peake.

The Sun He said: "I tried to hang myself at home ten days ago. I'd almost passed out when my mate found me. Then last Saturday I cut myself. It was really painful.

"The doctors wanted to section me in hospital, but I discharged myself and came home. I've got a mate staying now and he's looking after me. I still don't feel right, but I don't want to do anything silly again. I want to keep going for my kids."

Ex-binman Carroll, who lives in Downham Market, Norfolk, was dubbed King of Chavs after his Lottery lucky strike.

But he went on to rack up a string of court appearances for driving and other offences and was jailed in 2004 after failing to comply with a drug treatment order.

As his cash ran out, he sold his dream home and got work as a part-time painter.

A pal said: "He's very down. I think he harmed himself as a cry for help. He doesn't have any money left and is surviving day to day."

Michael Carroll

elsewhere and transpose it to the peaceful streets of Northwich. The idea revolted many right thinking members of society. No one actually turned up due to the prompt and efficient actions of police in using modern policing.’’

Sutcliffe-Keenan, the judge said, ‘‘caused a very real panic’’ and ‘‘put a very considerable strain on police resources in Warrington’’. He praised Cheshire police for their ‘‘modern and clever policy’’ of infiltrating the website.

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Friday, August 19, 2011

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

AVOID PICKPOCKETS: DON’T SHOP AT LIDL! I AM writing to you it is the best way to let everybody know the situation we have in Gran Alacant.

I think most of the people who live here know this, but holidaymakers will not. The Lidl supermarket in Gran Alacant is a hub for Eastern European pickpockets.

I was the victim myself on August 12. I got the manager out of his office but he shrugged his shoulders as if to say ‘So what’. They just don’t want to know, and to my surprise they don’t have CCTV records, in this day of age.

The police were very, very helpful and could not do enough.

They told me that we should claim off the supermarket but to my shock the manager said there is no insurance. I think this is wrong but if true, wow, then perhaps we should not shop there for our own safety. (I won’t until I sort this out with my lawyer).

So, to all readers, vote with your feet. Don’t shop there until they get all the security problems out.

Perhaps this may work.

Just to finish off, I work in Phoenix Bar and I had a lady and her husband come in on Saturday night and she was robbed in Lidl that morning. As I said, they just don’t care. Stay safe.

DAVID WALKER, Gran Alacant

Lidl Supermarket in Gran Alacant

S p re a d i n g t h e w o rd fo r A 4 A MY good friend Pauline Stewart and I met with British Consul, Paul Rodwell, in Alicante recently to discuss matters of importance to each of us.

It was the first time I’d been in Alicante for many years and although I was prepared for changes, it was the immense flow of traffic and lack of parking places that struck me so forcefully.

As a disabled driver myself, I would never have attempted it on my own but we were driven to the actual entrance of the Consulate by Pauline´s husband Greig, accompanied by their

Cont’d on Next Page

A switch with a hitch...

I HAVE a stand-off with Moviestar in which I hope publicity may change the present impasse.

On May 18, Cocoon Telecom (BT) requested the transfer of my telephone line. Two days later, without notice, my internet service was terminated.

BT delivered my new configured router two days after the disconnection, a five-minute telephone to BT in English and I was back online.

A further three weeks later a refusal to transfer the line was envisaged. I then sent a copy of my most recent telephone bill from Moviestar to BT, and a second request to transfer the line was sent.

At the end of June, I received my latest bill from Moviestar for rental services from July 1 to July 31.

I phoned their customer services to enquire of any missed payments on

my line; the answer was negative. On July 29, the Moviestar answering service went into Spanish mode but the line was not transferred. Another attempt is being made by BT with the outcome unpredictable.

Perhaps the publicity of this situation will alert people thinking of transferring to the frustrations they may encounter.

H R STEWART, San Fulgencio

SUMMER SAFETY AND FIRST AID

WITH summer in full flow and kids trotting off to the swimming pool every day, we definitely know that summer is here. It’s the time for eating al fresco, slowing down your pace and spending time as a family at the beach and the pool.

Despite our laid back attitude at this time of year, it is sensible for us to be a little cautious when it comes to our children’s health and safety. Prevention, of course, is always better than cure and there are a number of ailments which can cause trouble in the summer if we don’t try to protect our little ones.

have mosquito repellent cream when out and about particularly if you are going out in the evening. The best way to avoid them in the house is to use ‘plug ins’ particularly in your bedrooms to stop them flying in, in the first place. If your child is unfortunate enough to get bitten, a liberal dose of afterbite or equivalent antihistamine cream should do the trick.

Wasps and Bees

tended as wasps might crawl inside and a sting in the mouth can be particularly painful. If children are unfortunate enough to be stung, first job is to keep them calm as a sting can be quite painful. Wasp and bee stings are alkaline so need to be cleaned up with something acidic to take out the sting. Try vinegar or lemon juice Keep a close eye on the child for a while just in case they have an allergic reaction to the sting. This is actually very rare but it’s best to play it safe.

Sun Burn

It is definitely much better to take precautions to avoid sun burn afflicting us in the first place and this goes for adults as well as children. Applying a factor 25 suncream or above before setting out is important all of the time. Don’t just apply it when you are going to the beach or the pool.

Children will be playing outside when they are at school or whilst taking a walk so make sure they always have sunblock on. It should also be reapplied every half an hour or more frequently if swimming or sweating.

If your child does get caught out and has sunburn on their skin, let them have a bath or shower using luke warm water and apply liberal amounts of after sun cream morning and night to cool down the affected area. They could sleep under a thin sheet with a fan on to keep them comfortable during the night.

Mosquitos

Mosquitos here can be a real problem from spring through to autumn. They seem to like the taste of some people more than others but again prevention is best! Apparently mosquitos are less likely to bite you if you have eaten lots of the B vitamins. You could try giving children a daily helping of marmite on toast to see if this helps! Make sure children

Hayfever

There is not much that we can do about wasps and bees and it is almost impossible to avoid them especially if eating sweet, sticky food and drink outside. Wasps and bees generally won’t sting unless they feel threatened or provoked.

This applies particularly to bees. It is sensible to have a calm attitude towards insects yourself even if you feel nervous of them. Let children see that you keep still and calm when bees and wasps are around rather than flailing your arms around! If they land on your clothing just flick them off gently. Make sure you don’t leave open cans of drink unat-

Hayfever, asthma and eczema are all part of the same gene so children prone to one of these ailments may get one of the others. Hayfever is a particular problem at this time of year. Most pharmacies will provide antihistamine over the counter. Ask for a non-drowsy version to ensure kids can keep awake during the day. Using cold compresses on eyes can help to relieve the soreness but if all else fails, take your child to the doctor for a proper diagnosis. A course of injections is sometimes on offer for children with very bad symptoms.

These are just a few of the mild ailments that can sometimes plague us in the summer season. Having said that, most of us can survive the summer pretty much unscathed especially if we take a few simple steps to practise prevention so have a happy healthy summer.

19

Friday, August 19, 2011

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

THE TOWN BAWL!

Donna is so right on riots

I WRITE regarding the party (if such an event can be referred to as a party) which was held here in Campoamor last Thursday evening through to the following morning.

I have been told it was organised by the Town Hall.

What on earth is the Town Hall thinking of, organising such an event in a residential area?

We and our neighbours were looking forward to the fiesta here on the coast this weekend after reading the programme there was something for everyone.

However, what was the idea of Thursday evening/Friday morning? Live music well into the early hours and you can

Campoamor revellers a nightmare for residents imagine the amount of rubbish that was left by thousands of party revellers.

The noise from cars and motorbikes driving backwards and forwards all night was nearly as loud as the music!

I do not want to stop the young ones having their fun but would it not have been more

sensible holding this pop festival out in a field in “el campo”, or, like the discos in Torrevieja and Guardamar on the industrial estates, where they can make as much noise as they like and do not disturb anyone?

Come on Ayuntamiento, get your thinking caps on!

RITA BRUMMER

Bob’s blocked vision IN last week’s Courier Mr. Bob Houliston admitted to and apologised for illegally blocking a disabled ramp and pedestrian crossing daily at the Playa Flamenca Town Hall earlier this month.

He then went on to try to excuse himself by saying that he was told by the police to block in cars that were illegally parked.

Look at the photo yourself.

What cars is he referring to?

There are no cars in the two spaces he is blocking and one of the empty spaces is actually reserved for him. How can he tell a barefaced lie with the photographic evidence printed

beside his lie?

I have never heard of the police recommending anyone to break the law. The police have

legal ways of dealing with illegal parking.

If Mr. Houliston can lie to us in relatively small issues within

three months of being elected, what will he do when he is confronted with serious issues?

JOHN CARROLL

TWICE AROUND THE BLOCK I CAN understand your puzzlement over the photograph in The Courier which shows my car blocking two empty spaces.

You may consider me dishonest, irresponsible and uncaring but I can assure you that I am rational.

If I were seeking to park my car, I would not park it across two empty spaces but would occupy one of the two.

How to account for the empty spaces behind my car in the

photograph (above)? I did not see what happened but can speculate that the car parked in space two vacated it (it was not blocked) and that the car parked in space one was then able to leave regardless of the position of my car. I repeat that this situation will not occur again.

The two devices placed in spaces for authorised parking (see photo on left) require a key to access them.

R. HOULISTON

I WOULD like to say how much I agree with the front-page views of Donna Gee (Issue 25).

She said all my husband and many friends have been saying ever since the riots started.

The British police are too soft; they should take a leaf from other countries and stamp it out at the beginning.

Also the courts should be much tougher.

We occasionally watch Cops With Cameras and at the end of the programme they tell you what happened to criminals featured. Ninety-nine per cent of the time a big fat nothing.

SHIRLEY SNOOK, Orihuela Costa (love your paper)

S PR E A D I N G T H E WO R D FROM PREVIOUS PAGE daughter Lucy, who suffers with Downs Syndrome, as does her brother Adam, who swims with great pride for Spain.

All Pauline and I had to do then was cross the road to the delightful Granito de Café, where we had pre-arranged to meet the Consul. This is standard procedure established by the Consulate as a meeting place for disabled or elderly people who cannot access the Consulate.

True to his word, Paul Rodwell joined us at 11am.

He listened to Pauline talking about her latest important project, `The European Untouchables´, which represents EU citizens who are pensioners, aged, weak and/or disabled people across Europe, as well as asking for equal rights for EU workers.

Towards this end, she is positive she will collect one million signatures for the petition she is taking to the European Parliament. She is presently handling five tribunals – two for Carer´s allowance, one for increased mobility allowance, one with the upper Tribunal about a pension, and similarly one for her daughter.

I was there to talk about `Access for All´ which I coordinate under the umbrella of ADAPT in San Pedro del Pinatar. The Consul also knew about this, having read in the local press about our group´s success in persuading the Post Office in San Pedro to make their building accessible for everyone.

It would be great if the Alicante region would form an “Access for All” Group and we all agreed the best way to do this is to bring it to the attention of all the local newspapers, magazines, radio and TV stations. Anyone who would like to get involved in any way, particularly as a coordinator, volunteer or photographer, please contact me on 667 587 187 or email on: sheilamerrett@yahoo.com SHEILA MERRETT

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Friday, August 19, 2011

LA MARINA Simply sensational for sunshine, sea and SHOPPING

Try US - we R a Cut above the rest Cuts R US Traditional Barbers Shop and Ladies’ Hairdressers are owned by husband and wife team Peter and Karen. They have over 30 years combined experience, owning four successful salons in the UK. Peter offers a shave around the neck and ears with every haircut, along with traditional face shaves - and no appointment is necessary. Karen uses professional matrix products for her full hairdressing services, including colours foils and perms.

Maripose Belleza Beauty and Nails is now available with Cuts R Us. Louise, the proprietor and fully qualified beauty therapist, has been offering her professional brand of beauty treatments and nail enhancements in UK salons and spas for over 16 years Louise has always believed that as well s a professional approach, the product you offer is also important. Therefore she tries to supply the latest and in the business.

Some of the treatments on offer are: Nail Enhancements using Gel or Acrylic. Deluxe Manicures and Pedicures. Minx & Shellac. Waxing, including specialist hot wax for Hollywood and Brazilian. Semi Permanent Eyelash Enhancements and Lash & Brow Tinting. Anti Ageing/Sun damage correction Facials

Our Plaice is the place to eat

Our Place in La Marina is now in its fourth year and has become a landmark for locals serving traditional Fish and Chips in relaxed and comfortable surroundings – including a covered terrace.

The experienced staff, with the best fryers cooking to order, make Our Plaice THE place to eat.

Along with the quality comes great value. The Menu of the Day (cod or haddock, chips mushy peas, bread and butter) is just €5.95 euros. And a very popular alternative is homemade pie, with a large choice of filling, served with chips or mash and gravy, at only €4.95.

As well as an extensive menu of plaice, rock, skate, half chicken, cod roe, scampi and lots more, Our Plaice also boasts a vegetarian alternative with burgers, lasagne and salads. The fish is freshly fried in vegetable oil with a choice of battered, floured, fried or poached.

Top quality products from England are used, and the management’s philosophy is that always looking to better their service keeps them a step ahead of the rest.

Our Plaice is situated near the Police Station in Urbanisation La Marina, behind Supa Valu. It is famous for value and large portions and attracts customers from far and wide. So come early and come hungry.

For takeaways and bookings, see main advert.

For electrifying goods and service...

Euronics, which opened in 2007, is a family business which specialises in home electrical appliances including air conditioning units.

Why should you choose Euronics? Because you’ll get the best price, full customer service and free fitting on all appliances. With free delivery from Gran Alacant to Torrevieja and inland thrown in, including Quesada and Dona Pepa.

What’s more, you can buy through the web page from any country to be delivered to your home address here in Spain Just check out www.euronicsgranalacant.com

Friday, August 19, 2011

Come clean – and let Louis do it

21

KEITH and Liz took over this family-run business over three years ago – and pride themselves on their seven-days-a-week service.

They also clean up when it comes to versatility service with a comprehensive programme that includes dry cleaning, ironing, service washes, alterations, rugs, duvets and commercial work to name just a few. No wonder their regular clients include restaurants and rental companies!

They are open from 8am to 6pm Monday to Friday and 8am to 2pm on Saturday and Sunday. All work is done on the premises and if you pop down to see them with this advert, you’ll get a 10% discount.

Quality furniture at unbeatable prices LA Marina Furniture is situated on the high street of La Marina Village. It has been established for three years and is family run, headed by Allan and his son-in-law Miguel, so both English and Spanish is spoken.

Allan buys and sells good-condition, previously-owned furniture at very fair prices. You won’t find cheaper prices anywhere in the Costa Blanca and the quality is excellent.

Allan also takes on small removals and house clearances.

The shop is spacious and clean and all the furniture is cleaned daily. Many people from the urbanisation and village just pop in for a chat as Allan loves nothing more than a good natter and a cup of tea.

He also sells new mattresses, which can be ordered and only take a couple of days to deliver, at cost price.

Part exchange is always considered and delivery is free locally. Stock changes daily and everyone is welcome to pop in and have a look around.

Any queries, pop in or phone Allan / Miguel on 966443370 or 625985491

No bull, El Matador is to die for!

TAKE the bull by the horns and sample the joys of El Matador. It’s a great place to eat drink, meet old friends and make new ones.

El Matador's catchword is quality and the menu sees modern European and international cuisine sitting perfectly alongside great traditional favourites Whether you are dining in the rustic Spanish dining room or on the more modern covered terrace you will be charmed by the friendly and relaxed atmosphere. El Matador offers a set three-course menu every evening for just €12. Sunday lunch is also a treat - a three-course roast for just €9.50 including a drink. There’s live entertainment on Friday nights – and private functions are also catered for.

El Matador’s generous portions of food are great value for money - and its quality, coupled with the friendly and helpful staff will make sure you have an evening to remember.

Picasso - for a meal with real appeal RESTAURANT Picasso is a work of art where food and drink is concerned. Tucked away just off La Marina's main high street, it remains one of the urbanisation's best-kept secrets - a busy sophisticated restaurant serving the finest homemade meals. And at amazingly affordable prices, too!

Where else can you get a two-course Sunday lunch for €6.99 or fill up on three-courses for €9.50? With wine included! As for evening fayre, Restaurant Picasso is famed for its €11.95 menu - €13.50 with wine - and also its early-evening special On the starter menu you'll find homemade soups, deep fried brie and chilli nachos, to name but a few. Main courses include delicious homemade Lasagne or pies of the day, Atlantic cod or steaks. And desserts feature homemade cheesecake, hot chocolate fudge and profiteroles.

Add friendly, attentive service to the food and sophisticated surroundings, and Restaurant Picasso paints a picture of culinary perfection - at the right price.

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Friday, August 19, 2011

23

Friday, August 19, 2011

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then.

Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Malcolm needed advice on a check disk taking a FIXED: John was having difficulty sending pictures with very long time.

Picassa.

Hello Richard, I have a problem, possibly bigger than I think! I have a notebook + tower running windows 7 32/64bit. I have run ccleaner on both, and then run windows disk cleanup, followed by antispyware/malware. I also ran the check disk, as I do now and again, on my old XP, and now on win 7. I know once it's started, it has to finish, some 3/5 hrs later, depending. The trouble is, it doesn’t seem to want to finish on the tower. It reached part 4, and nothing progressed for nearly 1hr so I turned the pc off/on to let it run again. It stopped on file 147263, which seemed to be about halfway, and didn’t move beyond this no for over 1 hr so I turned it off/on again to let it run again. The scan stopped at the same number, I don't know how long for, but when I looked at it, I gave it 45mins from then still no movement so I shut down for the night. Are there some files missing, which is causing it to stop, and/or should I just let it run, no matter how long it takes, and will it do any damage with the hard drive light glowing (not flickering) a nice bright red. Many thanks Malcolm.

Q

Hi Malcolm, it’s pretty hard to say without seeing the problem first hand, knowing the size of the hard drive etc., however one reason for a “check disk” to take an extremely long time to run - as in your case - is that there could be a physical problem with the hard drive.

My advice, erring on the side of caution, would be to firstly take a copy of your important data - if your computer boots up into Windows of course; if it does not then you should call in an expert who should be able to remove your hard drive and, fingers crossed, back up your data. Once the backup is complete then perform a full check disk – regardless of the amount of time it takes, if that works then I would run another check disk and this time it should go through a lot quicker, if it doesn’t work then you are probably looking at a replacement hard drive. But first things first, make sure you get a good copy of your important data.

Q

Hi, can you help a 77 year old. I can send a text, and I can send a photo, but I cannot send both at the same time. Can you advise please. I am on Windows Xp with Picassa 3 photo album. Many thanks to you and a great paper. John

Update. Hi John, could you explain to me what exactly you are doing when you send a photo please?

Update. I use the drop-down list and go to Picassa Photo Gallery, then to the e-mail symbol (envelope) open Google e-mail, enter user name and password and sign in. I look for a person’s e-mail and send them the photo. Once it's confirmed that it has been received, I send the text, John

A

FIXED: James wanted to know how to recover his Terra.es password

Q A

A

Hi John, I am not sure what you are doing wrong, but when you click on “sign in” you should see the following window asking you for the email address to send the image to together with an area to type a subject and an area to type the email message (as shown above).

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternately why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi Richard, can you help with a problem? How can I find out my terra.es password Thanks, James.

Hi James, in order to recover your Terra email password you need to go here…

https://registro.terra.es/modificaciones/ModPub/olvPassword/PRCOlvidoPassword.jsp …and complete the form, they will take you through a process to recover your password.

Update: Bingo! It worked thanks.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

24

Friday, August 19, 2011

Barbecuing hot tips Don’t be afraid of your barbecue – just follow our easy dos and don’ts, be sensible, and go in for the grill!

Lighting a charcoal barbecue REMOVE the lid and cooking grate and open the air vents. Tip enough charcoal onto the bottom charcoal grate to make an even layer, then add the firelighters.

Using a long match, light the firelighters, then use a long pair of tongs to swiftly pile up the charcoal in a mound over the burning firelighters. Leave to burn for 30 minutes.

The coals are ready when they have a light covering of grey ash with a barely visible glow underneath. Rearrange them in an even layer, replace the grill and put the lid on.

Direct and indirect heat IT IS important to understand the difference between direct and indirect cooking: If you’re barbecuing anything that’s boneless and no more than about 3-4cm thick, you can cook it directly over the heat source (charcoal or gas).

If you are cooking something with a bone in, such as thick-cut joints, cook them indirectly, so they’re not immediately over the heat.

In a charcoal barbecue, this means moving the hot coals to the sides and cooking in the middle of the grill.

On a gas grill, get the barbecue up to full heat, then turn off the burners directly underneath the meat.

In both cases, keep the lid on at all times.

Indirect cooking can take longer – if you’re roasting a large piece of meat, you’ll need to add more charcoal each hour to maintain a constant roasting temperature. Place a foil tray, in between the coals, under the meat to catch the fat and juices when cooking indirectly. This will prevent flare-ups, and the drippings can be used for sauces and gravies.

Barbecue tips and hints MAKE sure charcoal and gas grills are up to temperature before cooking.

Always cook with the lid down, and only take off the lid to add, turn or remove food.

Grilling times in charts and recipes vary depending on the amount, size and shape of food – and even the weather. Allow a little more cooking time on colder days.

Trim excess fat from steaks, chops and roasts – this helps avoid flare-

ups. Soak wooden skewers in cold water for at least 30 minutes before using them.

If your cooking grate is crowded with food, cook for longer than the specified time.

Make sure that individual pieces of food do not touch, so the food cooks on all sides.

Because food cooked in a kettle barbecue is out of sight, it can be out of mind. Use a kitchen timer to remind you when to turn the food and when to take it off the heat.

Troubleshooting

BE patient with charcoal. It takes 30 minutes to reach cooking temperature.

Avoid frequently turning or peeking at the food, as heat escapes when you open the lid. For direct cooking, turning the food halfway through the cooking time is usually sufficient.

Keep the air vents at the top and bottom of a charcoal grill open while cooking.

Don’t use a fork to pierce and turn small cuts of meat or all the juices will flow out.

Many people think that grilling meat for a short time at a high temperature ‘seals in’ the juices.

However, this just burns the meat on the outside, leaving it raw in the centre.

For best results, sear meat for a few minutes over direct heat, then move it to indirect heat for the rest of the grilling time.

Safety guidelines

LONG-HANDLED tools make the job easier and, more importantly, safer.

Leave perishable foods in the fridge or a cool box until just before cooking.

Use separate utensils such as chopping boards and plates for raw and cooked foods.

Remember, stainless steel skewers will retain a lot of heat after cooking.

Check hot coals are fully extinguished before leaving the barbecue site.

Water and fire do not mix, and steam can cause burns. If flare-ups do occur, move the food to one side until the flames die down, and do not spray with water.

What you choose to throw on the BBQ is a personal thing: for some a prawn will do; others want the whole shebang. But we have recipes to suit everyone's tastes...

GRILLED SQUID WITH LEMON AND THYME DRESSING Takes 35 minutes to prepare, 2-4 minutes on the barbecue.

A simple lemon dressing is all good squid needs, especially if you're giving it the smokiness of a hot barbecue.

Ingredients

8 medium squid (about 1.3kg in total) Juice of 2 lemons 4 tsp Dijon mustard 6 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil, plus extra for brushing 2 heaped tbsp chopped fresh thyme 200g wild rocket leaves

Method

1. Prepare each squid. Pull the head and tentacles away from the body. The intestines will come away with the tentacles.

Reach into the body, pull out any remaining

intestines with the plastic-like quill and discard. Pull the purple skin off the body and discard. Pull off the two fins and discard the purple skin. Wash out the body and cut one side to open out flat. Cut the tentacles from the head – from just in front of the eyes – in 1 piece. Squeeze out and discard the beaklike mouth from the centre of the tentacles.

You should be left with the body, tentacles

Continued on Next Page

Friday, August 19, 2011 and 2 fins from each squid.

2. Using a serrated knife, score the inside of each body with parallel lines, spaced about 1cm apart. Score in the opposite direction to give a criss-cross pattern, making sure you don’t cut all the way through. Set aside.

3. Make a dressing. Whisk the lemon juice and mustard in a small bowl. Slowly whisk in the oil until you have a dressing.

Stir in the chopped thyme and season with pepper.

4. Brush all the squid pieces with oil and season with pepper.

Barbecue, over a direct high heat (place the bodies scoredside down) for 2-4 minutes, turning halfway until just curled – don’t overcook or it will be chewy. Remove and arrange on a serving platter with the rocket. Drizzle with the dressing to serve.

BASIL HALOUMI AND ROASTED VEGETABLE SKEWERS

A FINGER LICKIN' summer barbecue recipe for sticky balsamic pork ribs. Use your hands (and lick your fingers when no-one's looking).

Haloumi is a salty Greek cheese that's perfect for a barbecue because it keeps its shape at high temperatures.

Veggies will love this easy recipe for cheese and vegetable skewers.

STICKY BALSAMIC PORK RIBS WITH COLESLAW

Ingredients

50g fresh basil, plus extra to serve 8 tbsp olive oil 250g haloumi, drained and cubed 1 large red pepper, deseeded and roughly cubed 6 mushrooms, halved 1 courgette, roughly cubed 2 tbsp pine nuts 400g spaghetti

Method Ingredients 1.2kg pork spare ribs 150ml balsamic vinegar 1/4 tsp dried chilli flakes

For the coleslaw 4 tbsp light mayonnaise Juice of 1/2 lemon 1 small onion, finely sliced 1/2 white cabbage, finely shredded 1 carrot, roughly grated 2 sticks celery, finely sliced diagonally

Method 1. Light a disposable or charcoal barbecue. Put the ribs into a large saucepan, cover with water and bring to the boil.

Reduce the heat and simmer for 40 minutes. Drain and set aside.

2. Meanwhile, make a glaze for the ribs. Put the balsamic vinegar and chilli into a small pan over a high heat. Bring to the boil, reduce the heat and simmer for 5 minutes, until reduced by half and thickened slightly. Set aside to cool, then season.

3. Make the coleslaw. Put the mayonnaise into a large serving bowl, stir in the lemon juice and season well. Add the onion, cabbage, carrot and celery and mix well. Season, cover and set aside.

4. Brush the glaze over the ribs and place on the hot barbecue. Cook for 10 minutes (over an indirect medium heat if it’s a gas barbecue), turning now and then until lightly charred all over. (Alternatively, pop the ribs on a baking tray lined with foil and cook under a hot grill.) Divide the ribs between plates and serve with the coleslaw – and plenty of napkins!

Chef's tip You can cook the ribs from raw in an oven preheated to 200°C/fan180°C/gas 6. Cook for 40 minutes, turning halfway, then brush with the glaze and cook for 10 minutes more, until tender and lightly charred.

1. Preheat the barbecue. Soak 8 wooden skewers in water for at least 30 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, put the basil, oil and seasoning in a small food processor or blender and whizz to a purée. Put 2 tablespoons of the mixture into a large bowl. Add the haloumi and vegetables and gently toss together.

3. Meanwhile, heat a frying pan over a medium heat. Add the pine nuts and dry-fry for 3-4 minutes, stirring occasionally, until toasted. Set aside. Put a large pan of lightly salted water on to boil, ready for the pasta.

4. Thread the haloumi and vegetables alternately onto the skewers. Cook on the hot barbecue for 10 minutes, turning halfway, until the vegetables are just tender.

5. Meanwhile, cook the spaghetti according to the packet instructions. Drain well, tip back into the pan and toss with another 2 tablespoons of the basil mixture and pine nuts.

Divide between bowls, scatter with a few basil leaves and serve with the skewers alongside.

Strawberry Lemonade

Before squeezing juice from the lemons, roll them on the countertop, applying gentle pressure with the heel of your palm. This will really get the lemons' juices flowing and make it easier to squeeze them.

Ingredients 1 pint strawberries 8 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons superfine sugar 8 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice Sparkling water

Directions Puree strawberries and 2 teaspoons sugar in a blender.

Set out two glasses, and spoon 3 tablespoons of the resulting strawberry puree, 4 tablespoons sugar, and 4 tablespoons lemon juice into each glass. Stir the lemonade, and add ice. Top off the glasses with sparkling water. Add more sugar if desired.

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Friday, August 19, 2011

TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME YOUR hands are the one thing that will always give away how old you are. Check out Joan Rivers’ hands... point made!

We buy all these expensive lotions and potions for our face and neck but look down at a woman's hands and you see the crepey dry skin and peeling brittle nails.

The 50-year-old face has 70year-old hands ... not attractive!

ThIs is where I hope I can help. Let's start with your nails. I have been in the beauty industry over 20 years and, believe me, I have seen some dreadful nails in that time, due to neglect or wearing nail extensions. But I have managed to wave my magic wand.

It's amazing but with a little care and attention, in eight weeks I can help you achieve the nails of your dreams!

When I started out all those years ago, the product I recommended was called 'Nail Magic'. It's a strengthener but also helps rid the nail very quickly of any peeling or flaking which in the first few weeks you see slough off making way for the strong part of your nail to grow up long, strong and gorgeous.

The amazing thing about this product is that it comes with an eight-week moneyback guarantee. If your nails aren’t long and strong in eight weeks, you can send off for a refund.

In 20 years of on-and-off selling this product to thousands of clients, I only once gave money back - and that

BY HAYLEY BECKMAN was because the customer had a rare allergy to formaldehyde, one of the chemicals in it.

It is still available today in the UK or online and possibly in Spain too, but I am sure some kind relative coming over for the summer could pick a bottle up for you.

It retails at around €10 not a bad price to pay for gorgeous talons.

Once you get your claws into a decent state of repair, you can concentrate on your hands.

Applying a lanolin-based hand cream twice a day will start to alleviate those ravaged mitts of yours. Washing the dishes with no gloves, cleaning the toilet, gardening etc… these all take their toll eventually.

A cheap facial scrub used on your hands help slough off the dead skin cells which dry out our hands and make them look wrinkled. This also helps the hand cream absorb better into the skin.

Massage a good dollop of hand cream into your hands and forearms, concentrating on your fingertips and cuticles.

Massaging these increases circulation to the nail, helping it to grow quicker.

After eight weeks, no longer looking like Edward Scissorhands and with your hands and nails in a good state of repair, you can concentrate on nail polish and nail art. Yippee...this is the fun bit!

The new trends at the moment are crackle glazes and Minx. The latter is a

brand name but other companies do a similar product.

Nail adhesives of various colours and patterns are cut to size, heated up with a mini hairdryer to make them pliable, and then stuck down to the nail. They last for approximately four weeks.

The patterns offered are fabulous. Leopard or zebra prints, flowers, tie dye metallics, polka dot etc.

They are very eye-catching and a great talking point.

While on my many holidays to see my mum in El Raso I saw some amazing Minx toes. One of her closest friends had what she called 'smarty toes'.

These were different coloured metallic minx adhesives on each toe. Red, yellow, green etc. Very shiny and looked gorgeous.

These would look equally as cool on the fingers.

For you funloving, outrageous trend followers out there, Minx is perfect. Most salons in Spain now offer it.

Expect to pay between 15 to 20 Euros.

Crackle glaze is a nail polish you apply over a light or bright colour of your choice.

A chemical reaction makes the crackle coat break up and crack, so hints of your chosen base coat show through.

I particularly like silver glitter base with black crackle on top. Once you apply a shiny top coat the effect is unbelievable. I always get compliments when I wear it.

The beauty of this effect is that you can do it yourself, saving money and time.

Another great invention is long-lasting nail gel enamels. Shelac is the most popular brand used . It is applied in a salon like a nail polish but has to be cured with UV light to set it. It's amazing on real nails, where polish tends to chip after a few days.

This polish stays in place till your nails grow up, so maybe four to six weeks.

Downside is that you are stuck with the same colour for all that time. I like to change my polish when my mood or outfit dictates it.

So whether you’re a French manicure girl or a sexy, vampy tiger-print ‘Minx’ lady, you need to get those hands and nails in to shape in the next eight weeks . Once your nails are gorgeous and strong, you can stop hiding them in your pocket . Instead, you can wave them about for all the world to see. Don't forget to tell your friends how easy it is to do.

Please email me your comments to office@thecourier.es I love to know what works and what doesn't – and welcome any hints that can help our readers and me to having great hands and nails.

I am always open to new ideas . Have a great summer and hope you all NAIL it!

WHO NEEDS VITAMIN B12?

VITAMIN B12, also known as cobalamin, is a very essential ingredient in the normal functioning of every cell in the body, especially affecting DNA synthesis, and energy production.

It is needed in the formation of normal blood cells and nerves, and deficiencies lead haematological, neurological and psychiatric problems. It is found only in animal products such as liver, kidney, eggs, milk, fish and shell fish.

Vegans are at a higher risk of developing problems with B12 deficiency, but so also are some people who consume animal products. This is because the main cause of Vitamin B12 deficiency is not from the lack of food intake, but that of faulty absorption into the body due to problems with the stomach, pancreas and small intestines.

Several factors can interact with its absorption, and these include excessive alcohol intake; hormonal contraceptives; drugs for treating peptic ulcers such as Tagamet, which decrease the production of stomach acid, thereby decreasing the absorption of B12; anaesthetic gas such as nitrous oxide; stomach surgery; liver disease; and malnutrition. Vitamin B12 deficiency can cause severe and irreversible damage to the brain and nervous system, and levels only slightly lower than normal can cause such symptoms as fatigue, depression and poor memory.

Because the symptoms of Vitamin B12 deficiency are non-specific, being similar to symptoms that present with the aging process, it can be difficult for doctors to make a diagnosis of B12 deficiency without appropriate laboratory tests.

Even so, most tests are based on the examination of the size of the red blood cells (RBC), which are bigger (Macrocytic) in B12 deficiency. The problem with

this test is that a ‘masking’ can occur because of interference with folic acid which compensates by producing normal-sized red blood cells.

In addition, by the time the abnormal cells present, the effects of B12 deficiency might be far gone and irreversible. Other tests for Vitamin B12 deficiency are available but can be expensive.

Scientific studies in recent years suggest that Vitamin B12 could be the most neglected essential nutrient that people do not get enough of. A study involving 6,000 seniors in Oxford found that people with lower-than-average B12 levels were six times more likely to show signs of brain shrinkage, a forerunner to impaired cognitive functioning and Alzheimer’s disease.

But its role in brain health doesn’t end there.

Studies from Spain have confirmed that lower levels of B12 have been linked to depression in women. It turns out that there is more to strong bones than calcium, with Vitamin B12 playing a very critical role as well. Studies have shown that frail elderly people are likely to have lower levels of B12, making them more prone to falls and fractures.

While brains and bones are apparent targets for increasing B12 intake, it has to be said that the eyes and ears also benefit. One Harvard study showed that women over 40 are less likely to develop age- related macular degeneration, if they had a high level of Vitamin B12. Vitamin B12 is water soluble and non toxic to the body even in large doses, still it is very important to consult a health care practitioner before you go on supplements.

For queries, please contact Dr Machi Mannu, neurorepatterning specialist.

Friday, August 19, 2011

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Friday, August 19, 2011

THE Traffic Department wants to see a million more cyclists on Spanish roads by 2020.

Encouraging people to get on their bikes, while at the same time reducing the number of cyclists killed in road accidents, are two of the aims of the Road Safety Strategic Plan for the next decade.

Reforms to the Circulation General Regulations include measures aimed at making two wheels the preferred means of transport in cities, such as allowing cyclists to circulate in the middle of the road on streets with a 30kph speed limit.

The plan leaves open the possibility of allowing town halls to permit cyclists to circulate in the opposite direction to other vehicles.

Municipalities will be required to adapt their by-laws on cycling on pavements: cycling will be allowed on pavements which are more than three metres wide, the cyclist to keep at least one metre away from the front of buildings.

On yer bike Zambrama said the Government was keen to follow the examples of accompanied driving systems in countries like France and Germany, where 16-year olds are permitted to drive. The legal age for taking the driving test in Spain is 18.

30kph speed limit in cities

Plan to cut traffic accident death rate The Council of Ministers has approved a series of measures aimed at cutting the traffic accident death rate by nearly 40 per cent to 37 people per one million inhabitants.

The Road Safety Strategic Plan 2011-2020 includes measures to bring down the number of people being knocked down by vehicles coming off the road by 30%, to reduce to zero the number of children killed in traffic accidents because child restraint systems are not used - and to cut the number of deaths and serious injuries among moped riders by 20%.

There are also measures aimed at bringing down the number of 18 to 24-year-old drivers being killed or seriously injured in traffic accidents by 25%, to reduce by 10% the number of deaths among drivers aged 64 or over, and to cut by 50% the number of light vehicles exceeding the speed limit of 20kph.

The plan puts particular emphasis on driver education and training, limiting speeds and safe stopping distances.

The measures, which will come into force over the next 12

months, follow the European Commission recommendation to reduce by half the number of people killed on EU roads by 2020.

Under-18s behind the wheel?

Under-18s could be allowed to get behind the steering wheel under the supervision of an adult with a driving licence in order to clock up extra practice.

The proposal is one of the initiatives under consideration as part of the Traffic Department 2011-2022 Road Safety Strategic Plan.

Interior Ministry under-secretary Justo Zambrana explained the “accompanied driving” idea could be applied to under-18s who have passed the theory part of the driving test and who have had at least 20 hours of practice with a driving school.

A further idea under consideration as part of the 20112022 Road Safety Strategic Plan is the introduction of a 30kph speed limit on one-way streets in cities and towns.

The measure, proposed by the Spanish Federation of Municipalities and Provinces (FEMP), is aimed at reducing the number of people being run over by vehicles in cities by 50%, and at cutting pollution, explained Road Safety Observatory director Anna Ferrer.

“At 70km per hour no-one is saved, at 50, 50% are saved and at 30, 95%”, commented Traffic Department director Pere Navarro, who said that in 2009, 269 pedestrians were run over, and 46% of those killed were in cities.

Interior Ministry under-secretary Justo Zambrama stressed a lot remained to be done to bring down traffic accident mortality rates in Spanish cities. He pointed out that between 2003 and 2009 mortality rates on highways went down by 52%, but by only 36% in major cities.

The under-secretary described controlling traffic in cities as more “complex” due to the combination of motorists, cyclists, public transport, deliveries and pedestrians; in urban areas 46% of traffic accidents fatalities are pedestrians, accounting for 30.6% of the seriously injured and 13.7% of minor injuries.

Zambrana wants to encourage less use of cars in cities, while at the same time putting greater emphasis on public transport, cycling and pedestrians.

BLACK TO THE FUTURE Hybrids, electric cars, plug-in points, what lies ahead?

HENRY Ford was famously once noted for offering his pioneering, mass-produced model T as being available in “any colour you want, as long as it’s black.”

Today, most major manufacturers are developing alternative power sources for their vehicles as the world attempts to turn greener.

A decade ago the great hope was the hydrogen cell, harnessing the most abundant element in the world with an exhaust emission of water vapour.

But refuelling issues have limited its wider usage.

The most viable option now is the hybrid – think Toyota Prius.

Perhaps less well known is that there are two versions available.

The ‘parallel hybrid’ of the Honda Civic uses a smaller petrol engine as the primary source of power working alongside a support electric motor.

The petrol engine is under less stress and so it consumes less petrol while the batteries are recharged during braking.

However, as both are needed to drive, zero

emissions are not possible.

The more successful Toyota Prius uses the ‘series hybrid’ method.

Here, the electric motor provides the primary source of power, with the petrol engine topping up where necessary.

As it is isolated from the wheels, it can maximise its economy at all times.

Meanwhile the diesel engine is at least a third more efficient than the

petrol engine, and key models from VW and Fiat are more economical than hybrids.

In 2012 Peugeot is set to launch the 3008, which will be a combination of hybrid and diesel technologies and is claimed to be a world first.

The all-electric car is of course becoming more prominent. A step on from the basic G-Wiz, Peugeot recently launched the elegant iOn which boasts air-

con and electric windows.

Meanwhile, the Nissan Leaf won World Car of the Year award. The issue is where to charge up your car.

Since 2008, the Spanish government has been promoting electric vehicles through its Movele plan, and there are now 2,000 electric vehicles and 546 charging points in Spain, including 75 in Sevilla.

Meanwhile, Malaga is also set to become a ‘Smartcity’, thanks to its development of a new energy management mode aimed at significantly reducing emissions as the electric car becomes more integrated into mainstream motoring.

Even Queen Sofia has been spotted driving the iOn around Mallorca after Peugeot sent it to her for a trial at the Marivent Palace.

By 2020, Peugeot reckon 4.5% of car sales will be purely electric and, JP Morgan say, 20% of US sales will be hybrids.

Perpetual change is clearly fuelling a desire to reach a state of perpetual motion, and that has to be a positive thing.

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Friday, August 19, 2011

What’s that hissing under the bonnet?

A British mechanic got the shock of his life during a routine inspection - he lifted the bonnet of a customer's car and found a five-foot long boa constrictor nestling underneath.

The five-inch thick snake was curled up in a space in the engine bay of a blue MINI Cooper. The car was about to undergo an MOT test at Carringtons of Oxford.

Mechanic Wayne Hunt said: "We immediately called the RSPCA to collect the snake, since it didn't belong to the customer and we had no idea who owned it.

"We also wanted to make sure we didn't harm the reptile in removing it, as we're more used to working on brakes than snakes!"

According to the RSPCA the snake looked thinner than a normal sized boa constrictor, which suggests that it had been nestled under the bonnet for a while.

It's thought to be the first incident of its kind in the UK, and no-one knows where the snake came from.

DRIVER Robert Gould had a lucky escape after a bovine-related motoring encounter.

He stamped on the brakes and skidded into what he described as a "flying cow."

"I was driving along when a cow jumped out and landed on my bonnet", he told the Daily Mail. "It had hurdled a three-foot high fence and hit the front of my car. I had no time to brake and my car veered to the other could get into. He did, however, warn that the same easy side of the road. I was very method could be used to hack into phones, cash machines lucky that nothing was coming in the opposite and even water and power supplies.

Speaking to CNN during the conference, he said: "I could- direction."

Robert's car skidded 80 n’t care less if I could unlock a car door. It's cool. It's sexy.

But the same system is used to control phone, power, traffic yards across the road. He was travelling at around systems. I think that's the real threat."

Bailey explained that the hack works because electrical 60mph when the Friesian items like remote car locks accept wireless signals that can cow collided with his be interfered with. It is possible to stop this by buying more Citroen C5.

The car was a write-off expensive security systems, but this would push up costs and unfortunately the cow enormously.

Boffin unlocks cars with text message A US security consultant says he can unlock thousands of cars just by sending a text message.

Don Bailey, a security expert at iSEC Partners, demonstrated how he could automatically unlock all manner of cars during a security conference in Las Vegas.

He refused to reveal which makes and models of car he

Help, I’ve been hit by a flying cow at 60mph!

died at the scene, but Rob miraculously escaped with minor cuts and bruises.

After the accident in Leek, Staffordshire, the dead cow had to be removed with a JCB. Local farmer Clive Langford-Mycock said something must have frightened the animal.

"Possible causes could be thunder or lightning, lowflying aircraft or one of those stupid Chinese lanterns,’’ he said. ‘‘I hope the driver gets over it."

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Friday, August 19, 2011

Kop a great evening With Ronnie Whelan!

AFTER the massive success of an evening with Tommy Docherty, the Sporting Dinner Club are doing it all again - only this time with Liverpool legend Ronnie Whelan.

Ronald Andrew Whelan was born on September 25, 1961 in Dublin into a family of footballers. His father was an Irish international and a key player in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s and also his brother Paul played for Bohemian FC and Shamrock Rovers.

Ronnie first represented his country at schoolboy level and was a regular for the Republic of Ireland, making his debut in April 1981. He was also part of the Irish side which qualified for the

Nowadays Ronnie has a media career, working on the after-dinner circuit and doing a spot of punditry. He also features regularly on RTE Sports football programming, including its Premier League and UEFA Champions League coverage - and contributed to the coverage of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. This event is next Friday, August 26, at the Hotel Montepiedra at 7pm. Tickets are €30 and all VIP tickets are now sold out, so if you want to go to this great evening then email info@sportingdinnercluborihuela.com or call 965326858.

1988 European Championships in West Germany.

Ronnie was in the team which memorably beat England 1 – 0, and then scored a spectacular long-range goal in a draw with the USSR. But defeat in the final group game against eventual champions, the Netherlands, eliminated the Irish boys from the competition.

Ronnie began his career at Liverpool in 1979 a few days before his 18th birthday. But it was not until 18 months later that he made his debut – and the following year he helped the Reds win the League title and League Cup, then the treble the following year.

In 1988-89 he spent most of the season as captain of Liverpool, then the Hillsborough disaster happened in Sheffield and Ronnie played a key role in leading the team on and off the pitch in a difficult time.

By 1990, his role in the side was starting to diminish through a spate of injuries but he stayed until 1994. In his 15 years with the club, he played 443 first-team games, scoring 73 goals, and won six League Championship medals, a European Cup, three FA Cup, and three Milk Cup medals..

After leaving Liverpool Ronnie signed for Southend United and became their player-manager a year later. He later worked with Panionios in Greece, and in Cyprus with Aspollon Limassol but most notably with Olympiakos Nicosia.

Well, that’s me finished for another week so if you’re a bar or an entertainer and want to appear in the gig guide - or you have any events coming up that you would like me to tell everyone about - then please contact me by email on mandy@starsinbars.org or call me on 685302529. Or just visit my website www.starsinbars.org

Mandy

DATE

VENUE

ACT/ EVENT

OTHER INFO

FRIDAY 19th

Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Hillside in La Marina The Black Bull in Torremendo Cheers Bar in Eagles Nest

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Lynden B The Assigned Showaddywaddy

Starting at 10pm Comedy Elvis Show

SATURDAY 20th

Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca The Park in Playa Flamenca Arches in Los Alcazares Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Lodosol in San Pedro Bar Sioux in Gran Alacant Las Naciones in Quesada

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Lynden B Mark Bailey Kids Disco/ Magician / DJ Jay Mally Just Bono Lorna Michelle

Starting at 10pm Comedy Show Michael Buble Tribute Starting at 8pm

Snug in Torre de la Horadada Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Casa Ventura in San Luis Cheers Bar in Eagles Nest Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Lo Marabu in Dona Pepa

Lynden B Cabaroke with Matt Christian Fun Music Quiz with Lynden B The Liverpool Band DJ Jay Karaoke Bobby Dazzler’s Karaoke

Comedy Show

MONDAY 22nd

Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Chicken Shack in San Luis Arches in Los Alcazares

D.J Jay B.J Bluesman Shirelle

TUESDAY 23rd

Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Bar Rosa in Los Montesinos Arches in Los Alcazares Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Cheers Bar in Eagles Nest

Kens Quiz Quiz night with Darren James Karaoke with Ruby Blues Karaoke with D.J Jay Nikki G

Starting at 9pm

Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Montes Bar in Los Montesinos Restaurant La Boca in Playa Los Locos The Black Bull in Torremendo Diablo’s in Cabo Roig

Crazy Bingo with Spike Fun Music Quiz B.J Bluesman Johnny Fox Magician & D.J Jay

Starting at 4pm Starting at 9pm

Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Sisoma Romana in Dona Pepa The Priory in El Galan Bobby’s Bar in Quesada Catorce in Benijofar The Lounge Bar in Torrevieja Arches in Los Alcazares

Fun Music Quiz with Lynden B Tony Lincoln Lenny Mitchell Bobby Dazzler’s Karaoke Paul Melba Dominoes Tim Ross

SUNDAY 21st

WEDNESDAY 24th

THURSDAY 25th

U2 Tribute

Starting at 5pm

Starting at 6pm

Starting at 8.30pm

Starting at 10pm

Starting at 9.30pm

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Friday, August 19, 2011

HOT GOSSIP So if the news hasn’t reached you yet, where have you been? Maybe you’ve just arrived, and if you have, WELCOME to the COSTA BLANCA! From all of us here at the Towers and The Courier Newspaper!!! It hasn’t rained here for months you know, nothing a dip in the pool can’t sort out though, eh?! *SPLOSH* What a fantastic summer we are having with you, even though times have

been hard, WE know how to party the best, Oh Yes! We’re so happy to see you continuing to have your FUN IN THE SUN with your favourite radio stations, TKO fm and TKO Gold! Last weekend was a blast, at Lo Crispin… there were so many people there, Andy James was in his ‘hood’, we had a fire display from Rachel Angus and fabulous fire works, Singers, Dancers, musicians and music all day long music with some of your

favourite TKO DJs. The TKO Professor himself was there, amongst others, playing the best Music. Did we boogie till we dropped, or what? It was great to see you all boogieing away into the night! Tony Moore from TKO Gold sang a few songs late into the evening and it was a most perfect day and night.

If you would like an update on all the shernanagans concerning the TKO Pool league, there has been some dirty play going on, as the trophy, belonging to TKOFM had been stolen along with a ransom note. The Trophy has been returned, but the culprit was not caught.

At this moment in time, all we can do is resume the next TKO Pool match as planned down at Green Baize Pool and Snooker Hall.

But the tension is rising!

This week, the sponsor we would like to mention is the Breakfast show

Artist of the week Will Young – “Jealousy” And now for something completely amazing.

“Jealousy” is the lead single from Will Young‘s fifth studio album Echoes, which is due to be released in late August–nearly a decade after his win on the UK’s Pop Idol.

Produced by one of Brit-Pop’s very best, Richard X (Rachel Stevens, Sugababes, Annie), “Jealousy” is a haunting torch song of sorts, equipped with a dreamy, inoffensive electronic throb–or, “polite dance music.”

Like all other perfect pop songs, “Jealousy” has all the makings of a proper “sad disco” stomper: Chilly vocals, unrequited love and a pulsating, shimmering beat. Young’s haunting, echoed vocals evoke a certain kind of ’90′s affect–something like a cross between Annie Lennox and Billie Myers– set atop warm, dreamy synthesizers that would have M83 beaming.

“I’m tired of waiting / I’m tired of thinking / And it feels like jealousy,” Young cries out.

And while it does indeed feel like jealousy, it also feels like an instant classic.

sponsor on TKO fm. The Andy James Breakfast show is sponsored by The Hot Stone in El Raso and the Stone Grill in La Fuente. These Restaurants are different and fun, where they cook your meals on volcanic rock right in front of you and to perfection. Using top quality produce, they have Argentinean Rump Steaks, fresh local seafood such as sea bass, scallops, baby squid and king prawns. So take the family out to The Hot Stone or the Stone Grill for a night to remember.

WIN A MEAL FOR TWO AND WINE AT QUESADA FISH & CHIPS POP QUIZ August 19 Welcome to the famous TKO Gold pop quiz! We sure did have some fun with last week’s questions. Let´s see if you can win yourself a meal for two at Quesada fish and chips.

All you have to do is take the first letter from each answer to find the name of a band or artist. Once you have found the key word listen in to Chris Ashley´s show on TKO Gold, Saturday mornings 9am – 12pm 1. In 1969 they released the album A Salty Dog. 2.

This chap played keyboards with the original Animals.

3. The brothers Campbell (Ali & Robin) helped form this group.

4. In July 1965 Gene Pitney hit the UK Top 3 with this song.

5. Nickname for Louis Armstrong.

6.

Jimi Hendrix once played in this legendary Motown groups backing band.

7. A record label...music awards..and a very hot planet.

8. Their first top 10 UK hit was Rip It Up in 1983.

9. Fat Boy Slims real name.

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Friday, August 19, 2011

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week's puzzle, 8 represents D and 11 represents X, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Expresses approval of (7) 5 Aches (5) 8 Routine (7) 9 Competitions (5) 10 Grim (5) 11 Notice (7) 12 Imitates (6) 14 Finished (6) 17 Appeals (7) 19 Bandage (5) 22 Hold responsible (5) 23 Graceful (7) 24 Access (5) 25 Own (7)

Down 1 Components (5) 2 Quarrel (5) 3 Muteness (7) 4 Sadness (6) 5 Damages (5) 6 Discs (7) 7 Adjourn (7) 12 Competent (7) 13 Country person (7) 15 Articulate (7) 16 Napping (6) 18 Foe (5) 20 Make fun of (5) 21 Detests (5)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Asset, 4 Editor, 9 Seaside, 10 Siren, 11 Reed, 12 Sardine, 13 Gut, 14 Cane, 16 Vied, 18 Ape, 20 Actress, 21 Beta, 24 Pasta, 25 Emanate, 26 Rented, 27 Lotus.

Down: 1 Adsorb, 2 Scale, 3 This, 5 Disprove, 6 Turbine, 7 Ranger, 8 Feast, 13 Generate, 15 Artisan, 17 Dapper, 18 Aster, 19 Caress, 22 Exalt, 23 Earl.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Bounder affirms that they are late (8) 7/19 Let Pam’s car go as steel for recycling (5,5) 8 Drab brown string of horses in Bedfordshire (9) 9 Outlaw Kelly returns to his lair (3) 10 It might clean up longrunning television series (4) 11 Bootleg vermin in food (6) 13 The odds against listeners having weapons (6) 14 Agree to trick cowardly dog (6) 17 The wayward married woman gets some heat (6) 18 For a start the river is magnificently well kept (4) 20 Mistake from which one never recovers (3) 22 Radical type whose error is to be trapped in abstemious surroundings (9) 23 Singers lost a production (5) 24 In a tizzy? Call Eric, in a pen pushing capacity (8)

Down 1 Many poems not in plain English (5) 2 Serrated hideaway gallery (7) 3 Inspect the ring, then say no (4) 4 Scottish Robert gets a small part as a furry animal (6) 5 Puritan can be bad-mannered on the quiet (5) 6 Writer enters the ship with some hesitation; a poet that is (7) 7 Legislator made a mess of treason (7) 12 See 15 13 Cut off gangster, then quite a few (7) 15/12 They put a stop to affairs of the heart (7,7) 16 Spoken test the morning before is dishonourable (6) 17 Middle Eastern initiation ceremony is commonplace (5) 19 See 7 Across 21 Perform the state entry (4)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Cyphers (5) 2 Toothed (7) 3 Turn down (4) 4 Bunny (6) 5 Puritan (5) 6 English poet (7) 7 Legislator (7) 12 See 15 13 A number of (7) 15/12 Asystoles (7,7) 16 Shameless (6) 17 Banal (5) 19 See 7 Across 21 Opening (4)

Across 1 Corpses (8) 7/19 Junk (5,5) 8 Bedfordshire market town (9) 9 Hideout (3) 10 Lather (4) 11 Buccaneer (6) 13 Lances (6) 14 Agree (6) 17 Units of heat (6) 18 Cut down (4) 20 Mistake (3) 22 Radical (9) 23 Countertenors (5) 24 Belonging to the clergy (8)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1/21 Heavens above, 5 Pitch, 8 Dirge, 9 Avocets, 10 Eliminate, 12 Eye, 13 Bitter, 14 Spoons, 17 Gag, 18 Outsiders, 20 Anagram, 23 Seems, 24 Shebeen.

Down: 1 Hedge, 2/7 Air hostess, 3 Eremite, 4 Scarab, 5 Prose, 6 Therefore, 11 Integrate, 13 Beggars, 15 Private, 16 Stamps, 18 Ogres, 19 Sheen, 22 Ore.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words

Col

Saw

5 letter words

Do

Cot

Ski

Canoe

In

Don

Tow

Coral

Is

Eke

Tub

Macaw

It

Inn

4 letter words

Yearn

Bars

7 letter words

No

Lah

On

Mob

Ewer

Auction

So

Mop

Many

Contour

To

Ore

Posh

9 letter words

Ran

Scab

Direction

3 letter words Ann

Ray

Tare

Horseshoe

Arm

Rue

Team

Polythene

Car

Sag

Togs

Statistic

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 7 Frost (weather) (6) 8 To grow (plant, hair, person, animal) (6) 9 Nothing (4) 10 Forward (8) 11 Lamp (table lamp, floor lamp) (7) 13 Panadero (5) 15 Mejilla (5) 17 Porque (por causa de que) (7) 20 Princesa (8) 21 Chasquido (de dedos) (4) 22 Cacahuete (6) 23 Corredor (atleta) (6)

Down 1 Decade (decenio) (6) 2 Berry (4) 3 Word (7) 4 Dolores (físico) (5) 5 Cobweb (8) 6 Centro (medio) (6) 12 Embarazada (8) 14 Postre (7) 16 Avispón (6) 18 Espacios (6) 19 Basket (5) 21 Healthy (person, plant, cell, mind) (4)

33

Friday, August 19, 2011 Across 1 Which word can mean both ‘cooking in simmering liquid’ or ‘hunting illegally’? (8) 7 What is the North American name for the elk? (5) 8 According to legend, what was the name of the runaway Roman slave who extracted a thorn from the paw of a lion, which later recognised him and refrained from attacking him when he faced it in the arena? (9) 9 Which is the fifth sign of the zodiac? (3) 10 Which evangelist was the author of the third Gospel and the Acts of the Apostles? (4) 11 What was the title of Adam Faith’s second British number one hit single? (4,2) 13 Which mythological spirits of nature are imagined as beautiful maidens inhabiting rivers and woods? (6) 14 Which US group reached number five in the charts in 1965 with Hang On Sloopy?

(6) 17 Which book by Vladimir Nabokov tells the story of Humbert Humbert, who is possessed by an overpowering desire for very young girls? (6) 18 See 12 Down 20 What is the name given to the Polynesian garland of flowers? (3) 22 Which medical term means an ‘absence of the sense of pain without loss of consciousness’? (9) 23 With which board game would you principally associate Bobby Fischer and Gary Kasparov? (5)

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

24 Which oily substance extracted from the rind of a dwarf variety of Seville orange is used to flavour Earl Grey tea?

(8) Down 1 Which hard, lustrous spherical mass forms within the

shell of an oyster or other bivalve mollusc? (5) 2 Rock Me Gently was which Canadian singer’s only British hit single? (4,3) 3 What name is given to the horny part of the foot of an ungulate animal? (4) 4 What was the surname of the British admiral was mortally wounded at the Battle of Trafalgar? (6) 5 What was the surname of the author of the Sherlock Holmes’ stories? (5) 6 What title is given to the attendants assisting a combatant in a duel or boxing match? (7) 7 What was the title of The Tymes only British number one hit single? (2,5) 12/18 What is the name of the hero of Jules Verne’s 1873 novel Around The World in 80 Days? (7,4) 13 In golf, what was the old name for the nine-iron with a heavy, lofted head, used especially for playing out of bunkers? (7) 15 Which American arboreal marsupial has a naked prehensile tail and hind feet with an opposable thumb? (7) 16 Which word means to ‘attack repeatedly with bombs or machine-gun fire from low-flying aircraft’? (6) 17 Which is the largest internal organ in the human body?

(5) 19 What was the surname of the 18th president of the USA (1869-77)? (5) 21 Which word means ‘very eager or curious to hear or see something’? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Verbos 4 – verbs 4 Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

sports QUIZ 1. Yabusame is the Japanese version of what sport?

2. What Type Of Fruit Stands On Top Of The Men's Singles Trophy At Wimbledon?

3. Which football team are nicknamed the Swans?

4. Who Was The First Professional Footballer To Be Knighted?

5. Who Did Muhammed Ali Fight In "The Rumble In The Jungle"?

6. In Which Sport Might You Play For The Sheffield Shield?

7. Which Is Always The 3 rd Grand Slam Event In The Tennis Calendar?

8. Which Swimming Stroke Was Introduced Into Competition In 1952?

9. What Was Won In June 2002 By High Chaparral?

10. Who said "This game is about beating the crap out of everyone"?

11. Which Former Tennis Legend Was Charged For A 10 Million Pounds Tax Evasion In 2002?

12. What Country Was The First To Win The World Cup & What Country Was The First To Host It (PFE)?

1. Archery 2. A Pineapple 3. Swansea 4. Sir Stanley Matthews 5. George Foreman 6. Australian Cricket 7.

Wimbledon 8. Butterfly 9. The Epsom Derby 10. Bears Quarterback, Jim McMahon 11. Boris Becker 12. Uruguay & Uruguay

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across:1 Speedway, 7/18 Fools gold, 8 Aerodrome, 9 Eta, 10 Tara, 11 Tehran, 13/17D Samuel Pepys, 14 Crusoe, 17 Petrol, 20 Bee, 22 Tim Hardin, 23 Thyme, 24 Sri Lanka.

Down: 1 Shaft, 2 Eardrum, 3 Dido, 4 Azores, 5 Woden, 6 Astaire, 7 Ferrari, 12 Testate, 13 Sabbath, 15 Snowdon, 16 Rohmer, 19 Donna, 21 Earl.

GS L P Z K RUOY F E I A QT GS T DV UP U E P I OCR P RRNND E WF O A E RA E RB I S A B E RA P NL E P R CA GRA T X UV CK P S J HB P R T QHOP N HJ HY QS Soduko

19. tostar, 20. traducir a. to toast, b. to go out, c. to jump, d. to prefer, e. to translate, f. to have, g. to know, h. to try, i. to follow, j. to produce, k. to shake, l. to sit, m. to repeat,

S A I RRRZ L P X E A E OF S QR X GC J I D MF O E OJ K J Y Z ND RI CUDA RT U E T E MB L A R C RF GQCJ S A I RS E DHA A T R WG A R E S L S T RA RL I Z T OE NE S I I RA T N I K UP T RRS E F O C D WN D E R L X GOUS E GM J H S D L MI S I Span - Eng

n. to suggest, o. to feel, p. to renew, q. to remember, r. to laugh, s. to be, t. to water.

Answers: 1d, 2h, 3j, 4q, 5t, 6r, 7p, 8m, 9g, 10b, 11c, 12i, 13l, 14o, 15s, 16n, 17k, 18f, 19a, 20e.

1.preferir, 2. probar, 3. producir, 4. recordar, 5. regar, 6. reir, 7. renovar, 8. repetir, 9. saber, 10. salir, 11. saltar, 12. seguir, 13. sentar, 14sentir, 15. ser, 16. sugerir, 17. temblar, 18. tener,

PREFERIR

SALTAR

PROBAR

SEGUIR

PRODUCIR

SENTAR

RECORDAR

SENTIR

REGAR

SER

REIR

SUGERIR

RENOVAR

TEMBLAR

REPETIR

TENER

SABER

TOSTAR

SALIR

TRADUCIR

Quizword

Fill It In

34

Friday, August 19, 2011

Horoscopes

By Pandora Aries March 21 - April 19 If you keep repeating it, it might come true. Having reached a personal goal, the future ought to look rosier for you.

Monkeys may go nuts for bananas, but Nutters don't give a monkeys about going bananas. This may be important for you to remember.

To keep or not to keep?

Dear Rose,

Taurus April 20 - May 20 I am in a moral dilemma!

Whilst walking home across the local church car park I found a brown envelope with 400 euros inside.

I picked it up and have been looking at it ever since! I know I should hand it in to the Guardia but it is such a temptation to keep it as funds are very low at the moment.

What would you do?

CHALKY WHITE, Cabo Roig

l

Well Chalky. If I were being flippant, I could say pray for guidance?

No, seriously, it is easy for me to take the moral high ground and tell you to hand it in. You would not be human if you did not want to keep it - but would you enjoy spending it knowing it is not rightfully yours? This is a problem you alone can solve. If you decide to hand it over, why don't you ask at the church first to see if one of the parishioners has lost it and told the priest. Think how righteous you will feel when the owner thanks you and says what an honest Englishman you are!

A lover but no love...

Dear Rose, I began having an affair with a married colleague over 20 years ago. I was also married and had children, so we both agreed we would not leave our partners, but that if anything should happen to them, we would marry.

Twelve years ago, my husband committed suicide and I went through a terrible time, but my lover did not want to leave his wife.

You are a carrier bag and life is one big supermarket. Now you're fully engrossed in that analogy, I want you to think of me as the store announcer. "Clean up in aisle 12".

That's as exciting as it gets. Many of the people around you will turn out to be lying scheming bastxxxs, this week.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 The story of the tortoise and the hare will make you rethink things over the coming week. Like, how lazy was that hare, eh?

Jeez, I mean, that bunny should've whupped that table ornament. And this was what was written in a sandwich in Mexico.

Strangeness, huh?

Cancer June 21 - July 22 you can become more intimate with your in-laws.

As for your relatives, well, if they are not pleased for you and your daughter, you were both doing was do you really want them at unfair to your families. the wedding? I am sure Good luck for the future, you have a lot of other famJosie. ily who will attend and be delighted to get an invitation. Can I come? No, only joking.

Every good wish to your daughter and her fiance, Dear Rose, and enjoy a wonderful day.

Four years ago our family moved to Spain along with our 20-year-old daughter.

She had passed her 'A' Level in Spanish, so was quite fluent in the language when we Dear Rose, Recently I have tried internet arrived.

She works in a large jew- dating sites and have been ellery shop in Alicante, and chatting on-line to a very nice two years ago started to date sounding guy living in a small the owner’s son. Our daugh- village inland. ter is a very pretty petite I should like to meet him blonde and her boyfriend is but am a little concerned as I incredibly dark and good do not know too much about looking. They make a lovely him. How do you suggest I pair and are madly in love. go about it?

Last week they came to visit us and Paulo asked my husGRACIE, Las Palmeras band for his consent to marry Claudia. We were quite surDear Gracie, This is a prised, but very pleased to tricky one. I have say yes. They plan to marry next year, and in the mean- heard some wonderful stotime Claudia is going to ries about people finding receive instructions in the lovely partners but also Catholic faith. some horror ones when We are Church of England, people had totally fabricatbut not very religious, so are ed their lives and were not not upset by her decision. as they seemed.

The only problem is that the As you seem a sensible wedding will be in the type of person, arrange to Cathedral, and some of our meet in a public place and relatives will not be happy take a mobile phone with about this.

What should we do, as on no you. Tell a friend where account do I want their big you are going and give day spoiled by petty minded- them a call during the ness. evening. Do not give out too much information on MONIQUE, Santa Pola the first date but take it slowly.

Dear Monique. Firstly, If you feel the first meeting congratulations on went well, tell him you will your exciting news. This will be wonderful for you contact him soon and all as it will open up so arrange something else. In many new facets to living the meantime good luck life in Spain. Hopefully you with your blind date and both will carry on your please let me know how Spanish classes so that things work out.

If you have a problem Romany Rose can help you with, email her at office@thecourier.es So, two years ago, I decided to move to Spain to start a new life, but I still see my old lover as he comes to visit me when he can get a chance.

The last time he came, he told me that he did not feel attracted to me in the same way he used to, and to be honest after all that has happened, I also feel the same way.

How can I end it after so many years?

JOSIE, Dona Pepa.

l

Well Josie, life has not been easy for you. I am glad you made the decision to try again.

Over here in Spain, I feel that things have moved on for you and perhaps, at last, you are not feeling that you must hang on to the past. Tell your lover how you feel, and I am sure he will agree that it is better for both of you to separate and start life anew.

Make it a clean break and now concentrate on the future.

You are obviously a very strong person, and I am sure you will feel a lot happier after you do this, as all along you knew that what

Woes about a wedding

Internet love

l

l

Three is the magic number, but you may find that one is sufficient for you today.

Prepare to gape widely at the beautiful horror you'll experience this month.

Leo July 23 - August 22 Walk without shoes for a day and you will soon understand the nature of the soul.

Geddit! It's a...well, it's just... The scars left on your knee are there for everyone to see.

Everything you have done is brilliant and you will get the reward you richly deserve.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Homeless people may wander up to you today and offer to buy the magazine you're holding. Do you have any idea what you're letting yourself in for? Boy, I'm sure glad I'm not you.

Libra September 23 - October 22 As accurate as the weather report might be, you must be careful to avoid the 3011 bus.

Kissing horses in an otherwise empty paddock is fair game today. Enjoy yourself and try not to go too wild. Speak slowly and you will be heard. People will think you're being a nutter, but people will definitely understand you.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Your learning may give you cause to grieve today as you are unable to stop local flooding using trigonometry alone. If you mis-use the word literally once more today ("I *literally* laughed my ass off"), you're going to feel what it's like to be hit "upside the head". You are not a loser. You just...do...not...un-win.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Hexes may impair your vision today if you attempt to cross an invisible boundary.

You're doing really well, keep it up! Relax, break out the medicines and pills, and get funkin'!

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Just because people laugh at you doesn't make you a comedian. Damnation awaits you from every angle. Your only hope is to provide mankind with the cure for greed.

Love makes the world go round, and peaches make a very nice accompaniment to sweetcorn.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 The next person to offer you advice will have a secret agenda that you ought to be wary of. Walking down the street with a spring in your step is a great way to let the world know how insufferable you really are.

Gift horses always happen to those who least expect it. The moral of this horoscope is: expect a gift horse.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Hope will always get you through your problems. Yes, "hope" your doctor is mistaken or misinformed about your unfortunate predicament. The richer they are, the more money they have to spend paying you off. Remember that.

35

Friday, August 19, 2011

TRELI ON THE TELLY

IF only all history was as much fun as The Borgias, which started last weekend on Sky Atlantic. In fact, if you watch the wonderfully named Divinity channel on the Spanish TDT network, you would have seen the series already.

with ALEX TRELINSKI

It also makes a recent favourite of mine, The Tudors, look quite tame with many naughty acts, a rigged Papal election and a couple of cardinals disposed of with a poisoning and a sex-trap.

In the first two episodes, we witnessed Jeremy Irons as Cardinal Borgia led his Spanish family to the top of the Papacy, corrupting or getting rid of all rivals along the road.

Irons is terrific with his dead-pan approach as the newlyelected Pope Alexander, whilst the rest of his clan look very young and photogenic. I know it’s a load of historical cobblers, but I don’t care. It’s pacy with loads of black humour and some teeth-clenching violence to boot. It’s got the same

DEADPAN: Jeremy Irons as Cardinal Borgia

RED-HOT IRONS ADDS POWER TO THE PAPAL

approach as The Tudors, courtesy of some of the same producers and the cameras are already rolling on a second series.

It’s a wonderfully entertaining romp and worthy of your consideration, but send your kids and grandkids off to bed before casting a guilty eye on it!

In my early broadcasting days, which was the era of valves and cats’ whiskers, I was completely paranoid about taking any leave, in case my replacements were better than me and I got a resounding kick up my butt from the bosses on my return. Time and a course of valium weaned me off such concerns, but I reckon the whining collective of cats that are the Loose Women team have been wetting their knickers over the last fortnight.

Their summer break, before their unwelcome autumn return on ITV1, has been filled in very jolly style by Let’s Do Lunch….with Gino and Mel - and what a refreshing change it has been from the regular inconsequential cackling we’ve normally had to endure in that time slot.

Chef Gino D’Acampo and Melanie Sykes indulge in some banter and do some cooking with a guest joining them. It’s a simple format that a number of shows in the States have done well with for quite some time, and you can’t help enjoying the easy going nature of it all.

Sykes and Des O’Connor were dreadfully treated some years ago by ITV when perhaps the most entertaining daytime show for years, Today with Des and Mel, was dumped for no logical reason. It’s good to see Mel back on the network, and perhaps some number-cruncher at ITV will work out that her new show will cost considerably less than the self-opinionated hags who will sadly return to spout their tripe next month.

Staying with the cooking theme, a quick mention for The Good Cook. which recently finished on the BBC. I’m to cooking what Mick McManus was to ballet, but even I found myself hopeful of serving up a reasonable imitation of what Simon Hopkinson was concocting. It was a lovely change to see a programme dealing with basic dishes presented in an honest and enthusiastic manner. And certainly not in the condescending style of the overrated Delia Smith.

I can’t quite work out whether BBC 2’s newsroom drama mystery set in the fifties, The Hour, is a piece of

GINO AND MEL: Banter and cooking

brilliance or a major disappointment. The style and settings look fantastic and the excellent cast, led by Dominic West, give it their all. But as we wait for next week’s final episode, I think it has been let down at times by Abi Morgan’s plodding script.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve enjoyed it, but it could have been so much better. I do hope, though, that it returns next year, a thought that I’m sure will be shared by the excellent production company Kudos, who have two of their main shows, Spooks and Hustle, ending their long runs this autumn.

I was sad to hear of the death of Robert Robinson. Though his later days had him concentrating on radio, he made his name on the box back in the sixties, as the first presenter of Points of View; pressing the bell on Call My Bluff; and as host of Ask the Family.

Robinson was always witty and enthusiastic, and when a classmate at school had his family appear on Ask the Family, he told me afterwards that the man who made comb-overs a fashion statement was a really top guy.

He’s also one of the last from an era where being intelligent was the most important factor in presenting a TV ROBERT panel show, as ROBINSON: opposed to eating Witty and worms on a reality enthusiastic programme.

36

Friday

19th August

00:45 02:40 03:10 04:10 04:40 05:10 05:30 06:00 06:30 06:45 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:30 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:05 16:30 17:00 17:30 18:00 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 22:30 23:00 23:25 23:35

The Gingerbread Man The August Riots - Panorama Countryfile Saints and Scroungers Royal Upstairs Downstairs Newsday HARDtalk BBC News World Business Report BBC News Breakfast Heir Hunters Homes Under the Hammer Wreck or Ready?

Cash in the Attic Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather" Regional News and Weather Doctors Escape to the Country BBC News, Weather Sorry, I've Got No Head The Sparticle Mystery Dick & Dom Go Wild Fee Fi Fo Yum Newsround Pointless BBC News Regional News Programmes The One Show Fake Britain EastEnders A Question of Sport My Family Miranda BBC News Regional News and Weather John Bishop's Britain

00:20 The Hour 01:20 The Culture Show at the Edinburgh Festival 02:20 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today

05:00 Newsday 05:10 Close 07:00 Little Red Tractor 07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Roar 08:30 The Jungle Book 08:40 Deadly Art 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Copycats 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Kerwhizz 11:05 Gigglebiz 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Coast 12:45 Farewell My Lovely 14:15 Diagnosis Murder 15:00 Wanted Down Under 16:00 Weakest Link 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Eggheads 20:00 South Africa Walks 20:30 The Bear Family and Me 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 India on Four Wheels 23:00 The Rob Brydon Show 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Piers Morgan's Life Stories: Barbara Windsor 01:30 The Zone 03:30 Farewell Wootton Bassett: Tonight 03:55 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Rosemary & Thyme 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Someone's Daughter, Someone's Son 23:00 ITV News at Ten 23:30 Meridian Tonight 23:35 Jaws

INBETWEENERS TOP 10 MOMENTS Will it include the time that Simon attempted to seduce an older woman on a geography field trip, only to end up in a speedboat in the buff? Or when Will soiled himself during an AS-level exam? Your guess is as good as ours, but we can guarantee that these choice clips will be lewd, crude and blush-inducingly droll. This hour-long special coincides with the cinematic release of the Inbetweeners' first film - in which the hapless teens go on a lads' holiday in Malia!

00:05 Seven Dwarves 01:05 V Festival: The Countdown 01:50 The Album Chart Show 02:05 Hollyoaks Music Show 02:30 Cast Offs 03:25 The Sex Education Show 04:20 Hill Street Blues 05:10 Brothers & Sisters 05:55 Cookery School 06:50 Sali Mali 06:55 The Treacle People 07:05 The Hoobs 07:30 Freshly Squeezed 08:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:25 According to Jim 08:50 Frasier 09:15 Friends 09:45 90210 10:40 The Saturdays 11:00 T4 on the Beach 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:30 Friends 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Friends 13:30 A Place in the Sun 14:35 Channel 4 Presents - Will Bayley 2012 14:40 Channel 4 Racing 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 4thought.tv 20:35 The Perfect Murder 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 8 Out of 10 Cats 22:35 Chris Moyles' Quiz Night 23:30 Inbetweeners Top 10 Moments

00:30 Comedy Kings: Best of Just for Laughs 01:00 Inside Hollywood 01:05 SuperCasino 04:55 Meals in Moments 05:05 Nick's Quest 05:30 Nick's Quest 05:55 Rough Guide to Activity Holidays 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Peppa Pig 07:45 The WotWots 07:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:10 The Mr Men Show 08:25 Thomas & Friends 08:35 Noddy in Toyland 08:50 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:05 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:50 Olivia 10:00 Little Princess 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Wright Stuff Extra with Gabby Logan 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother: Launch Show 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:10 Diamond Girl 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Meerkat Manor 19:25 OK! TV 19:55 5 News at 7 20:00 Cricket 21:00 The Gadget Show 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother: Live 23:00 The Bachelor

37

Saturday 20th August

00:05 My Favourite Joke 00:35 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:45 The Peacemaker 02:45 Natural World: Empire of the Desert Ants 03:45 Restoration Home 04:45 Royal Upstairs Downstairs 05:15 BBC News 05:30 British Olympic Dreams 06:00 BBC News 06:30 Our World 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:35 Rachel Allen: Home Cooking 13:00 BBC News; Regional News 13:15 Football Focus 14:00 Sailing 15:00 Live International Rugby Union 17:30 Final Score 18:10 BBC News; Regional News 18:30 Epic Win 19:10 National Treasure: Book of Secrets 21:05 The National Lottery: Secret Fortune 21:55 Casualty 22:45 John Bishop's Britain 23:15 BBC News; Weather 23:30 Match of the Day

00:00 The Review Show at the Edinburgh Festival 01:00 Red Road 02:50 Children of Glory 04:45 Close 07:00 Little Red Tractor

07:10 07:15 07:30 07:45 08:00 08:30 08:55 09:20 09:50 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:25 11:40 12:00 12:15 Lab 12:40 13:00 13:10 15:00 16:45 17:45 Union 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00

Dipdap Pinky Dinky Doo Garth and Bev Octonauts Deadly 60 Arthur Little Howard's Big Question Prank Patrol Dennis and Gnasher Trade Your Way to the USA Fee Fi Fo Yum Mission: 2110 League of Super Evil Wolverine and the X-Men OOglies Richard Hammond's Blast MOTD Kickabout Coast Picnic Pal Joey Escape to the Country Live International Rugby Flog It! Dad's Army The Normans BBC Proms 2011

01:50 The Zone 01:51 ITV News Headlines 03:50 The Door in the Floor 05:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 Ten Mile Menu 10:25 Coronation Street 12:45 This Morning: Saturday 13:45 Athletes Do the Funniest Things 14:15 ITV News and Weather 14:19 Meridian Weather 14:20 Evil under the Sun 16:30 Goldfinger 18:35 Meridian News and Weather 18:50 ITV News and Weather 19:05 You've Been Framed!

Calendar Special 20:00 All Star Family Fortunes 21:00 The X Factor 22:15 Live Celebrity Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?: Soap Stars Special 23:30 The Bourne Identity

THE X FACTOR New series. The talent show returns, but with a few big changes as Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue are no longer on the judging panel. In their place - Take That's Gary Barlow, former Destiny's Child member Kelly Rowland and Tulisa Contostavlos from N-Dubz, who join Louis Walsh each week to put this year's contestants through their paces. Dermot O'Leary hosts the auditions in London and Birmingham, as a line-up of solo singers and groups competes to win places at boot camp, designed by Cowell to be tougher than ever.

00:30 The Inbetweeners 03:25 Hung 03:55 The Real Housewives of New Jersey 04:40 Hill Street Blues 05:30 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:00 Cookery School 06:55 The Treacle People 07:05 The Hoobs 07:30 The Hoobs 07:55 MSA Formula Ford Championship 08:25 The Grid 08:50 Channel 4 Presents - Jody Cundy 2012 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Friends 10:25 Hollyoaks Music Show 11:00 Smallville 11:55 Friends 12:30 V Festival: The Countdown 13:20 The Big Bang Theory 14:15 The TV Book Club 14:50 Channel 4 Presents - Joe Bestwick 2012 14:55 Channel 4 Racing 16:55 V Festival 2011: Live 17:25 Come Dine with Me Extra Portions 19:25 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 River Cottage 21:00 Great Migrations 22:00 Die Hard

00:05 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:00 SuperCasino 05:05 Motorsport Mundial 05:30 The Gadget Show 06:00 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:20 Rough Guide to Short Breaks 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Elmo's World 08:05 The Save-Ums! 08:20 Noddy in Toyland 08:30 Hana's Helpline 08:45 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:55 Milkshake! Monkey 09:00 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 09:40 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 The Milkshake! Show 11:00 The Gadget Show 12:00 Celebrity Big Brother 13:00 New Cowboy Builders 14:00 Ultimate Police Interceptors 15:00 Cave of Outlaws 16:30 The Black Knight 18:10 Red Sonja 19:55 5 News Weekend 20:00 Cricket 20:50 Police Interceptors: Special Edition 21:15 NCIS 22:15 Celebrity Big Brother 23:15 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

38

Sunday 21st August 00:50 The Football League Show 02:10 BBC News 02:30 British Olympic Dreams 03:00 BBC News 03:30 HARDtalk 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Click 06:00 BBC News 06:30 British Olympic Dreams 07:00 Breakfast 08:40 Match of the Day 10:00 BBC News 11:00 Sunday Morning Live 12:00 Country Tracks 13:00 BBC News 13:05 Cash in the Attic 13:50 EastEnders 15:45 My Family 16:15 Escape to the Country 17:15 The Great British Weather 18:15 Lifeline 18:25 Songs of Praise 19:00 Deadly 60 on a Mission 19:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:00 Britain's Hidden Heritage 21:00 Countryfile 22:00 Ocean Giants 23:00 BBC News; Regional News 23:25 Legends of the Fall

00:00 00:30 02:00 03:25 07:00 07:10 07:15 07:30 07:45 08:00 08:30 08:55 09:25 09:45 10:15 10:35 11:00 12:30 13:30 14:00 18:30 20:00 21:00 22:00

The Rob Brydon Show Starter for 10 Between Close Little Red Tractor Dipdap Pinky Dinky Doo Garth and Bev Octonauts Deadly 60 Arthur Junior MasterChef Bear Behaving Badly Hotel Trubble Jinx Wingin' It Something for the Weekend The Great British Bake Off Animal Park Olympic Countdown The Wildest Dream Top Gear Dragons' Den The Man Who Crossed Hitler

00:30 ITV News and Weather 00:44 Meridian Weather 00:45 The Bourne Identity 01:55 The Zone 03:55 In Plain Sight 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 May the Best House Win 10:25 Dickinson's Real Deal 11:25 60 Minute Makeover 12:30 This Morning: Sunday 13:30 Survival: Tales from the Wild 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:39 Meridian Weather 14:40 You've Been Framed!

15:10 The X Factor 16:25 Midsomer Murders 18:30 Ladies of Letters 19:00 Meridian News and Weather 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:30 Joanna Lumley's Nile 20:30 Born to Shine 22:00 Live Celebrity Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?: Soap Stars Special 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:14 Meridian Weather 23:15 Scent of a Woman

SEX AND THE CITY: THE MOVIE Ten years after meeting "Mr Big", New York "sexpert" Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) finally gets closure on her dating dilemmas in this big-screen spin-off from the iconic TV show. As ever, Parker brims with infectious whimsy - doubly so when Big (Chris Noth) pops the question.

There's rather too much cooing over dresses and shoes for half-an-hour afterwards, but then Carrie and her gal pals are forced to reassess life's priorities beyond bagging the latest Manolo Blahniks. the 2004 series finale.

00:35 V Festival 2011 02:05 Conquest of the Planet of the Apes 03:35 The Real Housewives of New Jersey 04:20 Hung 04:50 Brothers & Sisters 05:35 Hill Street Blues 06:25 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:50 Yo Gabba Gabba!

07:15 The Hoobs 08:05 Channel 4 Presents - Mandip Sehmi 2012 08:10 Ironman Triathlon 09:05 Friends 10:10 Hollyoaks 12:40 V Festival 2011 14:05 The Big Bang Theory 14:40 The Simpsons 15:15 The Simpsons 15:50 Deal or No Deal 16:50 Charlotte's Web 18:35 V Festival 2011: Live 19:25 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 A Place in the Sun: Home or USA? 21:00 Holiday Hijack 22:00 Sex and the City: the Movie 23:25 Match of the Day 2

00:10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 01:05 SuperCasino 05:00 The FBI Files 05:50 Meals in Moments 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Elmo's World 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:15 The Save-Ums! 08:30 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 Hana's Helpline 08:50 Sailor Sid 08:55 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:05 Little Princess 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:35 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 The Milkshake! Show 11:00 Animal Rescue Squad 11:15 Mexican Food Made Simple 11:50 Celebrity Big Brother 12:50 The Bachelor 13:50 Evel 15:35 The Mighty Ducks 17:40 The Karate Kid III 19:55 5 News Weekend 20:00 Cricket 20:55 10,000 BC 23:00 Celebrity Big Brother

39

Monday 22nd August

01:35 02:35 03:35 04:35 05:05 05:30 06:00 06:30 06:45 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:30 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:05 16:30 17:00 17:30 18:00 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35 00:35

Dragons' Den Holby City Poor Kids The Good Cook Newsday HARDtalk BBC News World Business Report BBC News Breakfast Heir Hunters Homes Under the Hammer Wreck or Ready?

Cash in the Attic Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Escape to the Country BBC News; Weather Sorry, I've Got No Head The Sparticle Mystery Dick & Dom Go Wild Horrible Histories Newsround Pointless BBC News Regional News Programmes The One Show Bang Goes the Theory EastEnders Fake Britain New Tricks BBC News Regional News and Weather A Question of Sport Grand Prix: The Killer Years

01:35 03:05 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:05 06:05 07:00

Graves End Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday The Super League Show Close Little Red Tractor

07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Garth and Bev 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Roar 08:30 The Jungle Book 08:40 Deadly Art 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Dani's House 09:25 LazyTown 09:50 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 10:00 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:15 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:30 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Kerwhizz 11:05 Gigglebiz 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 A Double Life 14:15 Diagnosis Murder 15:00 Wanted Down Under 16:00 Weakest Link 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! Ten of the Best 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Eggheads 20:00 Wonderstuff 20:30 Victorian Pharmacy 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Antiques Master 22:00 Horizon 23:00 Shooting Stars 23:30 Weather

02:10 The Zone 03:00 Motorsport UK 03:55 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Countrywise Kitchen 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Show Me the Funny 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Thing

JAMIE COOKS SUMMER Jamie Oliver demonstrates how to make a range of simple dishes perfect for al fresco entertaining in this one-off special on the theme of eating outdoors, from camping to barbecues in the back garden. The chef celebrates getting back to basics with a menu that includes jerk chicken, Moroccan-style lamb burgers and crispy skewered trout.

00:40 V Festival 2011 02:15 Without a Trace 03:50 Hung 04:20 Brothers & Sisters 05:50 Hill Street Blues 06:40 The Treacle People 06:50 The Hoobs 07:15 Freshly Squeezed 07:45 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:10 According to Jim 08:35 Frasier 09:25 Friends 10:00 90210 10:55 Being N-Dubz in America and Beyond 12:00 Friends 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 14:05 Kiss Them for Me 16:05 Channel 4 Presents - Joe Bestwick 2012 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Celebrity Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 The Pet Detectives 22:00 Jamie Cooks Summer 23:00 Snakes on a Plane

00:00 Stuck on You 02:10 SuperCasino 05:00 Meals in Moments 05:10 Great Artists 05:35 Divine Designs 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Fireman Sam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 The WotWots 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:50 Olivia 10:00 Little Princess 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Wright Stuff Extra with Gabby Logan 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Meerkat Manor 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:10 The Family Recipe 16:15 Love Comes Softly 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Meerkat Manor 19:25 OK! TV 19:55 5 News at 7 20:00 Cricket 21:00 Ultimate Police Interceptors 21:00 5 News at 9 22:00 The Truth About Cheryl Cole 23:00 Celebrity Big Brother

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Tuesday 23rd August

00:05 The Celebrity Apprentice USA 00:50 The Celebrity Apprentice USA 01:40 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 02:10 A Farmer's Life for Me 03:10 Animal 24:7 03:55 Antiques Road Trip 04:40 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wreck or Ready?

12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Sorry, I've Got No Head 16:35 Bear Behaving Badly 17:00 Gimme a Break 17:30 Cop School 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Harry's Arctic Heroes 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 I'm Pregnant with Their Baby

00:20 01:15 02:10 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45

Torchwood: Miracle Day The Tudors Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today

04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:40 Close 07:00 Little Red Tractor 07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Garth and Bev 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Roar 08:30 The Jungle Book 08:40 Deadly Art 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Dani's House 09:25 LazyTown 09:50 Bob the Builder 10:00 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Kerwhizz 11:05 Gigglebiz 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Coast 12:40 To Be or Not to Be 14:15 Diagnosis Murder 15:00 Wanted Down Under 16:00 Weakest Link 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! Ten of the Best 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 20:00 Dragons' Den 21:00 The Great British Bake Off 22:00 The Hour 23:00 Twenty Twelve 23:30 Newsnight

01:35 The Zone 03:35 Champions League Weekly 04:05 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:00 Weather 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Wildlife Patrol 21:00 Cops with Cameras 22:00 Unforgiven 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Grudge 2

SEVEN DWARVES The story of Josh Bennett, an experienced actor from a family of performers, whose mother and grandfather were Ewoks in Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi. The documentary follows Josh as he throws a 20th birthday party at the house the dwarves are sharing, and gets used to being in panto without any of his relatives for the first time. Off stage, he also takes a gig at a stag do, where he dresses up as an Oompa Loompa and gets handcuffed to an unsuspecting groomto-be.

01:05 Stand Up for the Week 01:50 Hidden 03:55 Fighting the Red Baron 05:25 Grudge Match 05:35 Cookery School 06:30 Yo Gabba Gabba!

06:55 The Hoobs 07:20 Freshly Squeezed 07:45 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:10 According to Jim 08:30 Frasier 09:30 Friends 10:00 90210 10:50 Being N-Dubz in America and Beyond 11:25 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Friends 12:30 Friends 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 14:05 Channel 4 Presents - Hannah Cockroft 2012 14:10 Rat Race 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 The Sex Education Show 22:00 Seven Dwarves 23:00 Random

00:00 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:00 Grey's Anatomy 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 Meals in Moments 05:05 Nick's Quest 05:55 Rough Guide to Journeys 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Fireman Sam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 The WotWots 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake! Monkey 09:12 The Milky and Shake Show 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:50 Olivia 10:00 Little Princess 10:15 The Wright Stuff 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Meerkat Manor 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI 16:15 The Family Recipe 16:20 McBride: Requiem 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Meerkat Manor 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Mexican Food Made Simple 21:00 The Great Train Robber's Secret Tapes: Revealed 22:00 CSI: Miami 23:00 Celebrity Big Brother

41

Wednesday 24th August

00:30 Tulisa - My Mum and Me 01:35 Britain's Bravest Cops 02:20 Wonderstuff 02:50 Royal Upstairs Downstairs 03:20 Antiques Road Trip 04:05 Saints and Scroungers 04:35 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wreck or Ready?

12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Sorry, I've Got No Head 16:35 Bear Behaving Badly 17:00 School of Silence 17:25 Serious Explorers: Livingstone 17:25 Deadly 60 Bites 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 National Treasures Live 21:00 Village SOS 22:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 Live at the Apollo

00:20 01:20 02:20 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30

India on Four Wheels Town with Nicholas Crane Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report

04:35 Close 07:00 Little Red Tractor 07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Garth and Bev 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Roar 08:30 The Jungle Book 08:40 Deadly Art 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Dani's House 09:25 LazyTown 09:50 Bob the Builder 10:00 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Kerwhizz 11:05 Gigglebiz 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 His Majesty O'Keefe 14:05 Lifeline 14:15 Diagnosis Murder 15:00 Wanted Down Under 16:00 Weakest Link 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! Ten of the Best 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Eggheads Celebrity Special 20:00 Coast 21:00 Natural World: Komodo Secrets of the Dragon 22:00 Seven Wonders of the Buddhist World 23:15 Coast 23:30 Newsnight 23:30 Weather

01:25 The Zone 01:25 ITV News Headlines 03:30 Crossing Jordan 04:20 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

JO FROST:

EXTREME PARENTAL GUIDANCE The childcare expert catches up with families she helped a year ago. Six-year-old Paige had never slept a full night in her own bed, and Jo wants to know if her mother kept to the bedtime regimen that was imposed. She also finds out if 10-yearold Bailey was able to cut down on the 80 hours a week he spent playing fantasy-themed computer games, and whether the mother of a pageant princess got her daughter under control.

00:15 Chris Moyles' Quiz Night 01:05 Channel 4 Presents - Mandip Sehmi 2012 01:10 UK & Ireland Poker Tour 02:10 Sailing 02:35 Beach Volleyball 03:30 KOTV Boxing Weekly 04:00 The Grid 04:25 Ironman Triathlon 05:20 MSA Formula Ford Championship 05:45 Cookery School 06:40 Sali Mali 06:45 The Treacle People 06:55 The Hoobs 07:20 Freshly Squeezed 07:45 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:10 According to Jim 08:30 Frasier 09:20 Friends 09:55 90210 10:50 Being N-Dubz in America and Beyond 11:25 The Big Bang Theory 11:55 Friends 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 A Place in the Sun 14:05 The Man in the Iron Mask 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance 22:00 Wallis Simpson 23:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut 23:50 The Big Bang Theory

00:00 CSI 01:00 CSI: Miami 01:55 SuperCasino 05:05 Meals in Moments 05:15 How Not to Decorate 05:55 Rough Guide to Bang for Your Buck 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Fireman Sam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 The WotWots 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake! Monkey 09:12 The Milky and Shake Show 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:50 Olivia 10:00 Little Princess 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Wright Stuff Extra with Gabby Logan 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Meerkat Manor 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:15 Be My Baby 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Meerkat Manor 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Garden ER 21:00 Emergency Bikers 21:00 5 News at 9 22:00 Losing One of My Giant Legs: Extraordinary People 23:00 Celebrity Big Brother

42

Thursday 25th August

00:30 The League Cup Show 00:30 Weatherview 01:25 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 01:55 Bang Goes the Theory 02:25 Country Tracks 03:20 Royal Upstairs Downstairs 03:50 Antiques Road Trip 04:35 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wreck or Ready?

12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Sorry, I've Got No Head 16:35 Bear Behaving Badly 17:00 Gimme a Break 17:30 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab 17:30 Deadly 60 Bites 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Motorway Cops 22:00 Torchwood: Miracle Day 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Our War

00:20 01:20 02:10 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00

Fake or Fortune?

The Tudors Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday

04:30 Asia Business Report 04:35 Close 07:00 Little Red Tractor 07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Garth and Bev 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Roar 08:30 The Jungle Book 08:40 Deadly Art 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Dani's House 09:25 LazyTown 09:50 Bob the Builder 10:00 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Kerwhizz 11:05 Gigglebiz 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Coast 12:40 Lucky Partners 14:15 Diagnosis Murder 15:00 Wanted Down Under Revisited 16:00 Weakest Link 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! Ten of the Best 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 20:00 The Culture Show at the Edinburgh Festival 21:00 Monty Halls' Great Irish Escape 22:00 The Duchess 23:40 Newsnight 23:40 Weather

00:35 Homes from Hell 01:30 The Zone 03:35 Lorenzo's Oil 05:50 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 University or Bust: Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Show Me the Funny 23:15 ITV News and Weather 23:45 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:50 Help! I Caught It Abroad

HELP! I CAUGHT IT ABROAD Documentary filmed at the Hospital for Tropical Diseases in central London, featuring everyday travellers who bring home more than they bargained for, from life-threatening illnesses to infestations of blood-sucking pests and burrowing worms. The programme highlights the dangers of not seeking travel advice before going on exotic holidays, and follows staff at the parasitology lab, whose diagnoses are critical for the doctors battling to save lives.

00:20 The Big Bang Theory 00:50 The Killing 01:50 419: The Internet Romance Scam 02:20 Carpool 03:50 Hung 04:20 Hill Street Blues 05:10 Countdown 05:55 Cookery School 06:50 Sali Mali 06:55 The Hoobs 07:20 Freshly Squeezed 07:45 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:10 According to Jim 08:30 Frasier 09:30 Friends 10:00 90210 10:55 Being N-Dubz in America and Beyond 11:30 The Big Bang Theory 12:30 Friends 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 A Place in the Sun 14:10 River Cottage Bites 14:20 Springfield Rifle 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Country House Rescue 22:00 The Killing 23:00 Undercover Boss USA

00:00 The Beat Goes On 01:00 Poker: The Big Game 01:55 SuperCasino 05:05 Meals in Moments 05:15 How Not to Decorate 05:55 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Fireman Sam 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 The WotWots 08:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:10 The Mr Men Show 08:20 Milkshake!

08:25 Thomas & Friends 08:35 Noddy in Toyland 08:50 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:05 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:50 Olivia 10:00 Little Princess 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Wright Stuff Extra with Gabby Logan 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Meerkat Manor 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:15 The Family Recipe 16:20 I Dream of Murder 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Meerkat Manor 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 How Do They Do It? 20:30 5 News Update 21:00 Croc Man 21:00 5 News at 9 22:00 New Cowboy Builders 23:00 Celebrity Big Brother

Friday, August 19, 2011

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44

Friday, August 19, 2011

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES 10 cold drinks /snack vending machines with sites 44,900 euros.

Excellent cash income, no overhead, operate from home 31,000 euros NETT per year one day p.w. to service.25 Pringle vending machines with sites 14,900 euros 250 euros per week NETT guaranteed, machines and sites available individually. 965 326 442 / 659 696 455 (09) Bar for sale. Quesada area.

Going cheap. For information pack, email: . Tel: 688 800 960 (16)

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly. Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational. Sunday services 11:00am. Children’s Church 11:00am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11:00am. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome 966 799 273 // 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3. Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer.

Home groups meet during the week.

All welcome from any church background or none.

For further information contact PilarChristian.

CommunityChurch@gmail.c om or contact Reverend Eddie on 966 7693 00 or 650 509 606. Reg No:2009-SG/A

ann.nicklin@hotmail.com Tel 685 777 254 (26) Large full equipped internet cafe, computer repair shop & postal service, prime location, well established (10 yrs) Guardamar. Call 697 529 194 (25)

FOR SALE

PERSONAL

1995 VW. Westfalia Campervan 1.9 Diesel .

New Engine 2007. Many Extras.

11-000 euros Immaculate Condition.

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Attractive sexy couple looking for femine women for threesome fun and friendship. Genuine, clean & discreet, within 1 hour of Murcia. Contact 634 364

HAIRDRESSER English mobile hairdresser.

20 years experience. Prices from 6 euros. Almoradi, Algorfa, Benijofer, Rojales, Quesada, Guardamar, San Luis, Torrevieja areas. Call Jeri on 966 318 550 / 698 257 200. (25)

BUSINESS GROUP

SHUTTERS

PAVING

2 Siamese kittens, free to good home. Both are chocolate point and white Ready in 2 weeks, both parents can be seen. Call 603 121 785 for more info(25) 5 month old Collie Cross Pup free to good home Full time jobs force reluctant parting He is brown with collie markings and has green eyes! a very handsome dog, fully house trained and is a big bundle of fun!

Call 603 121 785 (25)

PROPERTY FOR RENT Luxury appartments, 2/3 bedrooms in San Miguel De Salinas.

Floor heating, Elevator, Roof terrace with swimming pool, from 385 euros/month Also holiday rentals and appartments in San Miguel de Salinas from 350 euros / month. 966 723 437 and 616 487 493 (27) Viva Villa and Vacation

Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops.

Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 128, A lovely One bedroom 2nd floor apartment, American style kitchen, Lounge with patio doors to balcony, in the San Luis area. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, Lovely Two Bedroom Apartment in Torrevieja, within walking distance of Friday Market and the beach. The Property is close to the Habaneras Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 155, Luxurious Three Bedroom Villa With Private Pool, in Quesada Close to shops and restaurants within a five minute drive, and Guadamar Beach is within a ten minute drive. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

SPORTS EQUIPMENT

BUILDER

CARPENTER

PETS

Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, South facing 3 bedroomed property situated injardin Del Mar VII, with communal pool nearby.

Close to amenities. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

REMOVALS

AIR CONDITIONING

CAR MECHANIC

731(23)

BOUNCY CASTLE

SKY TV

GARDENING

SECURITY

LOCKSMITH

SWIMMING POOL MAINTENANCE

VAN HIRE

45

Friday, August 19, 2011 Ref: 708, A lovely two bedroom, one bathroom corner ground floor apartment with a spacious patio & Residents off road parking.

Communal pool near by.

Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR SALE Gran Alacant, corner semi detached 3 bedroomed, 2 bathrooms, large garden, enclosed terrace, fully furnished, private drive for 2 cars, on gated desirable urbanisation Monte Faro, many facilities priced for quick sale 185,000 Tel 680333242 House for sale. Santiago de la Ribera, 3-4 bedrooms, lovely garden, two balconies, two fireplaces, quiet neighbourhood, five minutes walk to beach.

Tel: 616596647 or 672192482 (22).

Balsares, terraced 4 bedroomed house, 3 bathrooms, large underbuild, private underground parking direct to house, small gated urbanisation, directly over looking proposed new golf course opposite Gran Alacant, priced for quick sale at original off plan price 180.000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath mid terraced Altomar 1, views of Alicante Bay, close to communal pool, walking distance to bars and resturants opportunity at

reduced price 145,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, front line, 2 bed, 1 bath, downstairs toilet, fully furnished, roof terrace, walking distance to beaches, large communal and resturants, beach front property priced for quick sale 125,000 Tel 680333242 Quesada, detached 3 bedroomed, 2 bath, all large rooms, front enclosed conservatory, fully furnished, oiled fuelled heating, outdoor poolside kitchen and bbq area enclosed, large pool, outside toilet, garage for 2 cars, newly refurbished, established garden with fruit trees, set in a cul de sac on 1000m2, the overall plot can be divided, as registered as two plots, so this house could be a substantial investment opportunity, situated in the Dona pepe area close to Quesada town centre, priced 299,000 negotiable Tel 680333242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is

located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles.

It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 510, €79,999.

Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 146, €85,000. Three bedroom Two bathroom quad house in Dream Hills.

Off road parking on the front

driveway with gates that can be padlocked for security.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: KP3100, €195,000.

Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 30, €119,000. Two bedroom detached house with large front terrace. This villa is in the Punta Marina area close to Playa Flamenca , Close to amenities.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off-road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden

PLUMBERS

area, communal pool nearby.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 128, €34,950. One bedroom 2nd floor apartment located in San Luis.

American style kitchen, Lounge with patio doors to balcony, with lovely views in the San Luis area.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

tap with fingers. Helps pain, anxiety, illness, phobias, smoking etc.

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SITUATIONS VACANT

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PETS WANTED

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HAIRDRESSER

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MOSQUITOS

SURVEYS

NEWS AGENTS

SIGNS

TATTOOS

LOCKSMITH

46

Friday, August 19, 2011

TIGER LOST IN THE WOODS TIGER WOODS was a shadow of his former self as he missed only his third cut in a major as a professional with a second-round 73 in the US PGA. The former world number one ended 10 over par to miss out by a distance after a day of struggles in Atlanta.

It was painful to see him hitting one crooked shot after another. He found 22 bunkers – 11 fairway and 11 greenside - in two rounds and only saved par from the sand four times.

Not only was this his worst performance in a major (five club professionals beat him), but Tiger’s abysmal play means he didn’t qualify for the FedExCup Playoffs or the WGC-HSBC Champions in Shanghai.

His next event will be the Australian Open in midNovember. Until then, he will play corporate outings in Asia. Really.

No golfer polarises opinion more than Tiger, but it was sad to see such a great champion struggle from one bunker to another over the first two days.

He will work on his game but it will be a long time before we will know whether this range time rescues a career currently in freefall.

Woods amassed a seven-over 77 on Thursday, equalling his second-worst round in a major, and was left needing a score in the mid to high 60s on Friday to have a chance of making the top 70 players and those tied for 70th going into the weekend.

But the 35-year-old cut a forlorn figure as he fought with his swing, catching a host of bunkers and struggling with his distance control.

The American, now ranked 30th after a four-month injury lay-off, had previously only missed the cut twice in 56 majors as professional, the 2009 Open and 2006 US Open. He has only missed four other cuts as a pro when he has completed 36 holes.

Fab finish lights up PGA FOR those who looked at the leaderboard of the PGA Championship and gave a singsong cry of “boring,” the joke’s on you. Yes, for the casual fan, this looked like the Nationwide Tour’s Wichita Open for a while.

But by the end of Sunday, it was one of the most exciting majors of the year.

For starters, it wasn’t Keegan Bradley and Jason Dufner’s fault that they were the last men standing. The strongest field in golf teed off on Thursday, including the likes of Luke Donald, Lee Westwood, Martin Kaymer and 100 of the top 102 in the World Golf Ranking.

The fact that Dufner and Bradley posted the lowest 72-hole score doesn’t make it a bad tournament, especially since the winning total of 8-under-par 272 was exactly the number most players predicted would win at the beginning of the week.

Forget the anticlimactic playoff where Dufner missed a fivefooter for birdie on 16 and three-putted 17. Focus on the positives. Keegan Bradley is the first player in recorded his-

WORLD SPORTS ROUNDUP with Mick Hardy from Kidease

tory to make a triple bogey in the final nine holes of a major and go on to win the tournament.

“I just kept telling myself, don’t let that hole define my whole tournament,” Bradley said.

“I had played so well and I gutted out rounds and I just didn’t want to be remembered as the guy who tripled that hole and went on to bogey in or something. I kept telling myself to just pretend that nothing happened.”

Super Stoner widens gap CASEY STONER captured his sixth MotoGP win of the season in front of 155,400 fans at Brno, stretching his Championship lead to 32 points over Jorge Lorenzo (Yamaha Factory Racing).

Dani Pedrosa (Repsol Honda) shot off from his first pole position of the season, with Lorenzo taking the lead from him on the second lap.

Stoner then took second from the Yamaha rider, just as Pedrosa crashed out of the front of the field, handing Aussie Stoner the lead.

While Stoner lengthened the gap at the head of the pack, Lorenzo came under pressure from Andrea Dovizioso (Repsol Honda), the Italian passing the Spaniard to take and hold second position.

Marco Simoncelli (San Carlo Honda Gresini Team) then caught and passed Lorenzo, moving into the third podium spot and keeping it until the finish line, the first podium of his MotoGP class career.

American Ben Spies (Yamaha Factory Racing) slowly moved in on Lorenzo, but was unable to get close enough to finish any higher than fifth behind his team-mate.

Valentino Rossi was the first Ducati Team rider across the line in sixth plae, his best qualifying result of the season.

The Italian’s team-mate Nicky Hayden followed in seventh, with Colin Edwards (Monster Yamaha Tech 3), Hiroshi Aoyama (San Carlo Honda Gresini), Héctor Barberá (Mapfre Aspar) rounding out the top ten.

FA-cebook on the ball ASCOT UNITED and Wembley FC will kick off this season's FA Cup, with the match shown live on Facebook.

The non-league sides meet in an extra preliminary-round clash on Friday night, with a potential audience of 700 mil-

lion on the social networking site. A 90-minute stream will be funded by the FA Cup's new sponsors Budweiser.

Although it is not expected to reach the majority of its potential viewers, it is the first broadcast of its kind anywhere in sport. Budweiser marketing director Ian Newell said: "Budweiser is committed to bringing the world's most prestigious knockout competition closer to the fans.

"What better way to demonstrate this than by broadcasting the very first kick to a global audience via Facebook?

"This is the first time an FA Cup tournament fixture has been broadcast live on the social network, which is great news for football fans and clubs alike."

The Facts - FA CUP 2011/12 • A total of 763 clubs will compete, having been whittled down from 825 applications • Begins with extra preliminary round of 204 fixtures on August 19 and 20 • Another preliminary rounds and four qualifying rounds follow • First round proper takes place around November 12, with 40 fixtures • Premier League clubs join in third round, around January 7 • Final at Wembley Stadium on 5 May

Cav wins Olympic warm-up BRITAIN’S Mark Cavendish laid down a marker ahead of London 2012 by winning Sunday's road cycling Olympic test event - and then warned rivals that they will not throw him off his quest for glory. The 26-year-old lived up to his billing as London-Surrey Cycle Classic favourite by pulling ahead of Italy's Sacha Modolo and Samuel Dumoulin in a bunch sprint finish on The Mall.

More than 100,000 are estimated to have lined the condensed 140km Olympic course, which passed through six London boroughs, four Royal Parks and a looped route around Box Hill in Surrey. "The whole way round it was just full," Cavendish said. "You could not stop to take a wee or anything.

"It is reminiscent of when the Tour de France came to London in 2007. The pros and the peloton still talk about that as the greatest Grand Depart they've ever had.

"Thanks to the crowd for being so incredible. Nobody would have thought there would be this support for cycling even 10 years ago. The fact we have got the Olympics here next year is one thing, but for the road cycling this is so important.

Don’t forget Cav will be in town as La Vuelta heads for Orihuela Costa on Sunday...

THE FULL MONTE (SINOS)!

By ANDREW ATKINSON ONE of Spanish football's poorest clubs, CD Montesinos, have been given a new lease of life following the arrival of a former FC Torrevieja supporters group disillusioned after years of wranglings.

And CDM has already been given The Full Monty treatment - with a squad photoshoot and a new website set up for the Vega Baja region based outfit.

"I live in Montesinos, so in a

Ex-Torry Army on the move

way I am supporting my local team CDM," President Eddie Cagigao told me.

"Facilities are quite spartan at the moment but we hope to add something to the club, ground, team - and even the town in future."

The arrival of the ex-Torry Army of fans is a real fillip for the CDM club, who play in Group 18 - 2nd Regional League.

CD Montesinos, who hosted a recent friendly against a

Manchester City Veterans X1, were featured in City's official club programme for the opening Premier League game against Swansea on Monday.

Mega-rich City are sponsored by Etihad Airways for a reported cool £400m over the next 10 years.

Wonder if there's any

chance of a strip - for The Full Monty!!

CD Montesinos kick-off their pre-season friendlies at home tomorrow, August 20, against Cox (7pm).

On Sunday August 28 CD Montesinos host San Miguel (5.30pm) and on September 3, they travel to Torrevieja CF ( 7pm).

47

Friday, August 19, 2011

BEWARE THE SHARK! Nibali goes for double as La Vuelta heads this way

By HAROLD HEYS NOW that the dust has settled on a thrilling Tour de France, it’s time for the third of the big Grand Tours of cycling – the Vuelta a España.

And as local towns like Santa Pola and Dolores prepare to welcome the sport’s biggest names, we can wonder if Vincenzo Nibali can land the double after his superb win last year.

The Italian, nicknamed “The Shark”, won after a gruelling 87 hours, 18 minutes, 31 seconds with Ezequiel Mosquera 41 seconds back in second and Peter Velits in third, more than two minutes further behind.

Nibali, 26, became the first Italian since Marco Giovannetti in 1990 to win the Spanish classic, his triumph essentially sealed when he held off Mosquera's challenge a day before the climax in a tough mountain top finish near Madrid.

Can he repeat that success? He certainly can and he has geared his season to that end. The Sicilian was an excellent third in the Italian Giro early in the season behind Spaniard Alberto Contador and skipped the Tour de France, which was won by the Aussie grinder Cadel Evans from the Schleck brothers.

Nibali, of the Italian Liquigas team, had initially marked Le Tour as his season highlight, but he was a last-minute replacement in the Giro d'Italia so instead of then racing in France, he took a break.

The Vuelta gets under way tomorrow (Saturday) with a night-time team time trial in Benidorm and finishes on Sunday, September 11 in Madrid.

On Sunday, the riders swing south from La Nucia to Playas de Orihuela and on Monday they go inland from Petrer to Totana and then it’s down to the Sierra Nevada.

Ten mountain stages including six summit finishes, one of them on the fabled Anglirú, an individual time trial in the medieval university city of Salamanca, a return to the Basque country for the first time since the 1970s and the traditional finish in Madrid will be among the highlights of the 2011 Vuelta.

The return to the Basque country is particularly significant after separatist group ETA announced a permanent ceasefire. The threat of terrorist action had been the reason the race has stayed away from the area for more than 30 years.

Orange-clad Euskaltel-Euskadi fans throng the peaks in the Pyrenees every year during the Tour de France but, unfortunately for them, the Vuelta won’t be visiting those mountains this year.

However, they’ll have the chance to cheer on heroes such as Olympic champion and ace climber Sammy Sanchez in the Vuelta, perhaps especially in the potentially decisive Stage 20 from Bilbao, the Basque region’s biggest city, to Vittoria, its capital.

Two of the six summit finishes take place on roads never

visited by the Vuelta before, both of them in the north west of the Iberian peninsula - the Estacion de Montaña Manzaneda in Galicia, and La Farrapona in Asturias. The Stage 15 battle on the Anglirú will be perhaps the most anticipated with the leaders fighting it out as the race enters its final week.

The record for most wins is held jointly by Switzerland's Tony Rominger, who won three consecutive Vueltas in 1992, 1993 and 1994, and Roberto Heras of Spain, winner in 2000, 2003 and 2004. Heras also won the 2005 event, but was disqualified for a doping offence.

Spaniards have dominated, winning 28 of the 63 runnings while France, Belgium, Switzerland, Italy, Germany, the Netherlands, Colombia, Ireland, Russia and most recently Kazakhstan have also had first place finishers.

Nibali had a great 2010, winning the Tour de San Luis, the Tour of Slovenia and the Trofeo Melinda. He was third in the Giro and was one of the strongest riders in the Tour of Lombardy but crashed out on a rain-slickened descent, losing his chance. He has had, for him, rather a quiet time of it this year and that should be to his advantage as he bids for a second successive Vuelta. He will also be hungry for another success after some disappointments.

He was eighth in the Milan-San Remo behind Aussie Michael Goss and then came a fifth in the Tirreno Adriatico behind Evans and an eighth behind Belgian Philippe Gilbert and the Schleck boys in the Liege-Bastogne-Liege in April.

He wasn’t beaten far in any of those classics.

The Shark was nearly seven minutes down on Contador when he took third place in May’s Giro, but he would certainly have been closer if Basso had raced. Basso had planned to support his bid for victory as he had supported Basso to victory the previous year.

Nibali is certainly confident of winning the Vuelta: “It went well last year and I am in good shape now. But I know it won’t be easy and any one of a dozen or more riders could win,” he says.

They’re coming your way. Don’t miss them. But don’t blink – they don’t hang around when they’re in full flight!

The wheel thing... NO ENTIENDO! here they come!

From Back Page

HELD a week earlier than in previous years, Spain’s biggest race begins on the beach at Benidorm tomorrow (Saturday) with a team time trial before going on to test the peloton to its limits as it criss-crosses the country.

The date shift makes the race even better preparation for the World Championships in Copenhagen - and with a host of general classification specialists looking to stamp their authority on the final Grand Tour of the season, the Vuelta has attracted one of its best fields ever.

The three-week race takes in some of the most demanding and scenic roads in Spain, venturing back into the Basque Country for the first time since 1978 as well as taking on a number of new and exciting climbs for the very first time.

Saturday, August 20 - Stage One: Benidorm (team time trial) - 13.5km A SPECTACULAR start should be ensured as the evening team time trial rolls off from the seafront on the Playa de Poniente.

With their backs to the coast, the nineman teams head down the start ramp situated on the beach and move straight onto a gradual climb as the course heads north. A long straight road will allow the riders to get the power down but there will be no respite as the route heads over the Autopista and skirts around the Real de Faula golf club.

The riders take in a dead turn before

heading back towards the coast in the opposite direction, eventually turning left onto the Avenida de Vila Joiosa for a run along the beach towards the centre of Benidorm.

A few tight turns on the city streets are about as technical as the course gets with a flat finale looping back around for what will be a decisive drag along the Avenida del Mediterraneo to crown the first race leader.

Sunday, August 21 - Stage Two: La Nucia to Playas de Orihuela - 175.5km The race heads north a few kilometres for the start in La Nucia ahead of a stage that should give the sprinters their first chance to shine. A dash southwest down the Mediterranean coast is the order of the day - but not before the riders have cut inland to tackle the first climb of the race.

The third category Alto de Relleu (28.6km) will be notable for deciding the first mountain classification leader of the race and will likely be hotly contested. After the descent into El Campello the rest of the stage should be relatively straightforward as the riders pass through Alicante (73km).

Two sprint points at Santa Pola (91.8km) and Dolores (129.8km) are all that remains before a straight drag into Playas de Orihuela. The route loops around for the final dash to the finish with a slight uphill ramp at 500m likely to make things interesting.

Fabregas' only problem will be forcing his way into the Barca side on a permanent basis with all the talent and quality already at their disposal.

But the Barca fans and Fabregas are on a high right now and everyone is waiting to see just how he will perform when the serious action gets under way.

In sharp contrast, Arsenal are still everyone's whipping boys with people saying they are on a downward spiral and even that they are merely a nursery club now for the really big teams!

That opinion was voiced by former Tottenham and Newcastle player Chris Waddle at the weekend. It would also appear, if you listen to the speculation, that manager Arsene Wenger's days are numbered as he struggles to get to grips with all the problems at the Emirates.

The Frenchman’s frustrations were evident in his familiar agitated mood during Arsenal's Champions League qualifier against Udinese, which the Gunners won 1-0. That was compounded by the fact that Wenger appeared to ignore the terms and conditions of a UEFA touchline ban by communicating with the team bench throughout the game.

Staying with the London teams and Chelsea made a sound start with a goalless draw at Stoke. They started cautiously with just Fernando Torres up front. The Spaniard did well enough before new boss Andre Villas-Boas sent

on Nicolas Anelka and Didier Drogba in the second half. Torres being replaced by midfield man Florent Malouda.

There was a wee war of words involving Villas-Boas and Stoke manager Tony Pulis about alleged over-physical play in the penalty areas. But when push comes to shove Chelsea will be up there throwing their considerable weight about when the chase for the major honours hots up.

Tottenham took on Hearts in a Europa Cup qualifier last night prior to their big test at Old Trafford on Monday in a belated start to their Premier League campaign. Their first fixture at home to Everton was postponed last weekend because of the riots that took place close to White Hart Lane as trouble flared throughout England.

Spurs manager Harry Redknapp has been linked with Chelsea and England but will be on board at the Lane for the foreseeable future now that Villas-Boas is at the Bridge. And it remains to be seen just how high Harry’s boys can climb after their great efforts last season in the league and Europe.

Striker Emmanuel Adebayor could also return to North London on loan to Spurs from Manchester City at the risk of causing another riot amongst Arsenal fans, who love to hate their former idol.

Riotous behaviour all round then as we look forward to another weekend of goals and handbags in the Premier League!

Are you getting all this, Sergio?

48

Friday, August 19, 2011

THE COURIER No.1 for SPORT! All the action p46, 47

NO ENTIENDO! CESC FABREGAS won’t be needing his English so much after coming home to Barcelona . . . pero es muy diferente para Sergio Aguero!

Lost for words...but Aguero’s an instant hit in Manchester STEVE BOTT reports SERGIO Aguero "No understande!" but he's still doing fine in deepest, darkest Gorton after his move from Madrid to Manchester.

Aguero doesn't speak a word of English and finds it difficult to understand anyone over here. The locals also struggle to comprehend what the Argentinian is all about - except when he steps onto a football pitch.

The former Atletico Madrid ace is still doing fine on grass, as his two goals

against Premier League new boys Swansea showed in Manchester City's opener at the Etihad Stadium on Monday night.

When I asked City media man Simon Heggie just how Sergio was finding life in Manchester after his love affair with Madrid ended recently, he confessed: "Unfortunately it is not that easy. Sergio doesn’t speak a word of English and we struggle to understand him too, so it is a little difficult!"

No problem communicating with his team-mates, though, and that should be the same for Cesc Fabregas at the Nou Camp following his move to Barcelona from Arsenal.

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