The Courier Edition 32

Edition 32

www.thecourier.es Friday, September 30, 2011

SHIPWRECKED! Photo: Ken Taylor Photography and The Viva Media Centre

Holiday nightmare as cruise firm crashes

Emma and Mark’s marriage gets off to a ‘frying’ start. Another picture, Page 13

And Barry Alexander, who stands to lose his £700 fares as well as his holiday, warned would-be holiday mariners: ‘’If you’re planning to go on a cruise, for heaven’s sake book with a BIG company. It’s far less likely to go belly up.’’

Londoner Barry’s four-member party had booked their berths on a week-long Mediterranean cruise with the Spanish com-

A LOS Montesinos man’s dream holiday became a nightmare this week when the cruise line went bust hours before the ship’s departure.

CHIPWRECKED!

No-fry zone for wedding

IT may not have been the most romantic of setBy AMANDA BLACK tings, but when Mark and Emma’s eyes met over beautiful day, and the bride the deep-fat fryer, it was love at first sight.

Emma had just started work in Mark’s family business, Quesada Fish and Chips, and Mark’s heart took a battering the moment he saw her.

Last Sunday, three years later, the pair tied the knot in the somewhat more romantic surroundings of El Bancalito, Los Montesinos.

More than 100 family and friends from Spain and the UK joined them for the happy event at the picturesque finca. Guests agreed it was a

looked stunning in her floorlength white gown.

Not everyone was happy, though. With the popular restaurant closed for the day, customers of Quesada Fish and Chips had to go hungry.

But all was forgiven the next day, when proud father of the groom, Tony, was back behind the counter serving up as usual.

Tony will have to work a

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pany Sunshine Cruises back in May. But when they arrived at their Valencia hotel on Saturday in preparation for Sunday’s scheduled 4am departure, they were told they would not be seeing Rome, Pisa or the French Riviera after all - because the Sunshine Cruises had gone out of business. ‘’It was so disappointing,’’ Barry told The

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Friday, September 30, 2011

I need a hug, mum. I think I’ve got hippo-thermia TELEPHONE

96 692 1003 679 096 309 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 96 621 1003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 96 621 10037 616 332 178 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Denise La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 616 332 178 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Writers Donna Gee Sally Bengtsson Rebecca Marks Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Harold Heys Steve Bott Tony Mayes Jake Monroe Mick Hardy

Picture of the week

96 692 1003

CLEAN-UP TIME AT EL BOCAITO THE clean-up was continuing this week at El Bocaito on Guardamar beach after fire ripped through the popular restaurant last week.

The restaurant’s shocked owners were able to inspect its blackened interior, and were horrified by the extensive fire and smoke damage to the kitchen and dining room..

From Page One bit harder for a while as It is thought the blaze Mark, 25, and Emma, 21, are was started by an ember now enjoying their honey- from the fireplace in the moon on the island of kitchen. Fire broke out just Tenerife. as the restaurant was at its Customers are eagerly busiest with lunchtime awaiting the return of the trade. happy couple, and can’t wait Evacuated to welcome home Quesada’s Diners fled the fire, and newest fish wife. Everyone residents were evacuated who knows them agrees, the from the four-story buildpair are made for each other ing that houses the restau– just like fish and chips! rant while fire crews doused flames.

Locals and holidaymakers on the beach watched in horror as flames leapt from the building. The blaze was visible across much of the town.

Fortunately, nobody was hurt, although one of the cooks was treated for shock.

Wedding

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Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non-appearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

Monday Sunny High Temperature: 26°C RealFeel: 28°C

CRUISE WOE From Page One Courier. ‘’We booked the cruise because we all had a free week. I’d packed two suitcases with 14 shirts for all the meal changes and it was going to be a real fun holiday.

Then this happens. ‘‘The two women in my party were really upset. I was all for having a week in Benidorm instead, but the girls just said ‘we want to go home.’’

The blow was made worse by the fact that Barry had no insurance. But he remains hopeful that the party will be compensated. ‘’We have been told we will probably get our money back,’’ he said. ‘’But it is not definite. We will just have to wait and see.’’

Today Partly sunny High Temperature: 28°C RealFeel: 26°C

Saturday Partly sunny High Temperature: 26°C RealFeel: 25°C

Sunday Partly Cloudy High Temperature: 26°C RealFeel: 25°C

Tuesday Sunny High Temperature: 26°C RealFeel: 25°C

Wednesday Sunny High Temperature: 28°C RealFeel: 27°C

Thursday Few showers High Temperature: 26°C RealFeel: 25°C

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Friday, September 30, 2011

THE CRATE ESCAPE Rescue official’s anger over abandoned cats

ANIMAL rescue worker Linda Scales is searching desperately for two frightened cats that escaped after being left in a flimsily secured crate outside her house.

The cats were abandoned in La Marina last Wednesday morning in a box sealed with chicken wire and tape.

But when PAWS official Linda returned home after taking her daughter to the school bus, the terrified cats went berserk, pushed their way out of the crate - and ran off in a panic.

There was a note on top of the box with the names of the cats Zak and Weasley plus the message: ‘’Our owners have had to return to England and we can’t go. We have been well looked after fed and loved, so we don’t blame them at all.’’

Now, following the animal’s heartbreaking disappearance, worried Linda says: ‘‘They are not safe. They are lost and frightened out there, alone, with no food or water. And this is due to total lack of responsibility - not even ensuring that they were in a secure box.’’

Linda insists far too many people simply abandon their pets and says: ‘‘The Rescue Centres are too full. People need to take responsibility for their own animals or simply take their pets with them.’’

If anyone sees either a black or a grey fluffy cat on La Marina Urbanisation, hey are asked to call Linda on 646 645 035.

No more roadworks just a road that works

MOTORISTS’ N332 MISERY IS FINALLY OVER

By AMANDA BLACK

MONDAY was a red-letter day for frazzled motorists fed up with negotiating roadworks on the main N-332 road between Torrevieja and Guardamar.

After years of upheaval, the traffic cones and diversions have finally been removed, and the new dual carriageway stretch was officially opened.

Government health minister, Leire Pajín, presided over Monday’s opening ceremony for the improved road, which has cost more than 25 million euros of government money and taken almost four years to complete.

Pajín has recently intensified her presence in public acts in the Alicante province, where she will head the PSOE list in the upcoming elections.

She made full use of the photo opportunity, flanked by other dignitaries at the opening ceremony.

The improved road covers 9.3km, incorporates four roundabouts and provides a complex link with upper and lower levels at the Los Montesinos turn-off.

However, the opening ceremony was not

completely without controversy, as Torrevieja mayor, Eduardo Dolón asked why the planned ring road around Torrevieja had been left out of the works.

The government minister declined to answer, leaving Dolón asking the question, with some irony, just who is responsible for a national road.

He added that the decision not to include the ring road is typical of the neglect that Torrevieja suffers. However, he conceded that the new road does provide a much better link between Torrevieja and Guardamar.

Guardamar mayor, Carmen Verdú, said she was grateful to the government for the new infrastructure, heralding it a great step forward for her municipality.

It is hoped the new road will ease congestion on the stretch, which is used by more than 20,000 vehicles each day, with numbers increasing dramatically in summer.

Road safety should also be improved as the works have provided better access to urbanisations, road crossings and cycle routes.

Orihuela rife with domestic violence ORIHUELA town hall this week released shocking figures for domestic violence cases in the municipality.

It was revealed that 154 cases are currently under investigation, although police said most were of low risk.

The council has pledged to help the victims of domestic violence and investigate how this type of aggression can be halted.

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THE European Court of Human Rights has awarded €21,000 compensation to a woman who has been waiting 11 years for Spanish courts to decide her divorce settlement.

Asunción Ortuño had her separation hearing at a court in Orihuela before facing the long wait for a judgement on the division of marital property.

The European Court ruled the delay unreasonable but lawyers in the Orihuela area said such time delays in sentencing are not unusual as the courts are in chaos and magistrates are struggling to cope with the workload.

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Friday, September 30, 2011

The scourge of the property goldmine coal, it was quarried. After all, much of it is only about 150ft down, making it an easy job for today's excavators.

The government should put an end to this type of mining and allow just quarrying, which would be far safer. Environmentalists may jump up and down, ranting on about spoiling a hillside, but better this than people risking their lives going underground when it is not absolutely necessary.

WHILE much of Britain is in financial stagnation, if not meltdown, one section of society has never had it so good.

I’m talking about the private landlord.

Buy-to-let has gone through the most amazing boom right through the recession and it's all been fuelled by banks prepared to lend to landlords who have amassed large portfolios of investment properties, renting them out to tenants at astronomical rents.

When so many people are struggling to pay household bills, it makes me so angry that banks are providing the means to create a boom in the rental market.

What it is doing is preventing a big reduction in the price of homes, and, of course, banks have a vested interest in keeping property values high because they have so much money tied up in bricks and mortar.

So, once again, it's the poor chap on the street who is suffering.

I once had my own property valued for rental and was astounded that I could do so for a figure which was almost my monthly income.

What an absurdity that is! It meant that if I was starting out in life now without the nest-egg of a lifetime behind me, I would have to live in a near hovel, and just about manage to pay the rent and other bills.

What makes the situation even more evil is that these very same banks are starving businesses of the finance needed to expand or even continue to function and, at the same time keeping the price of a home so high that people struggle to pay the rent, feed a family and meet spiralling gas and electricity bills.

A few notches up the financial ladder are those - many of them 20 somethings with their heads screwed on - buying up property after property to rent out and raking in £500 per month or more on each home. Good little earner, isn't it?

So I welcome news this week that, at long last, the interest rate on these buy-to-let mortgages is rising - because banks are running out of money to lend. Good! Perhaps a brake on the property gold mine will stop properties being snapped up by investors and ultimately bring prices down to a level that the average first-time buyer can afford. Now wouldn't that be a good thing?

HIGH ON SPEED IN THE UK

JUDGE’S FACEBOOK FOLLY REGULAR readers of this column will know how much I abhor judges who don't appear to be living in the real world and who pass down the most lenient of sentences against serious wrongdoers.

I've yet another example. What would you do by way of sentencing a 19-yearold who used Facebook to groom young boys, some of whom he later molested?

This person used the site to encourage boys to send him naked pictures. If they rejected his advances he would pose as a girl and try again. He went on to meet two lads and indecently assaulted them.

The judge gave the teenager a three-year community order, put him on the sex offenders’ register, had him electronically tagged and imposed a night-time curfew for three months. No real punishment there then.

More importantly, this soft judge decided not even to ban him from using social networking sites, the very thing he used to commit his crimes, because that would be "particularly excessive" and deprive the teenager of the "social traffic" granted by his peers.

I would have deprived the teenager (and the judge) of a lot more. We've got to toughen up in Britain, because these stupid sentences simply give out the wrong messages. tanks, the more tax revenue was brought in.

Tax revenue apart, I would much prefer to be travelling at 80mph on a Spanish motorway than a British one. Spanish roads are far less busy and more often than not, to drive at 80mph in Britain is risking death.

MESSAGE OF THE MINES

WE WERE all glued to our TV screens recently to watch FUNNY old world, isn't it? Last year Spain reduced its speed limit on motorways from 120 to 110 on the premise that if the attempts to reach the poor trapped miners who perished motorists reduced their speed it would save fuel and be bet- in South Wales after the tunnel in which they were working ter for the environment. This week the British government is was suddenly overwhelmed by water.

The mine in which they were working follows coal seams considering raising the motorway speed limit from 70 to 80mph, arguing that most drivers are breaking the current down into the hillside, and, over generations, these workings have criss-crossed under the hillside making it ever easier for limit anyway.

The government has never really been interested in a new working to break into an old one, which could be filled encouraging motorists to reduce fuel consumption. The last with water. This was the case with the Welsh tragedy.

How much easier it would be if, instead of mining for this Labour government admitted it was happy for more fuel to be used because the more that motorists poured into their

BRING ON EURO UNITED LAST but not least, if those countries within the euro want to preserve their currency, the only way to achieve long-term stability is to form a United States of Europe, with not only the same currency and interest rates, but with the same tax and benefit regime.

Anything else would be yet another fudge and cause yet another crisis in future.

America must bite the bullet and raise more tax to bring down its deficit - and an end to cheap fuel would go a long way toward solving the problem, as unpopular as it is.

As for Britain, we need a big dose of patriotism - so that benefit cheats, tax evaders, those who think they can get something for nothing, the rich and powerful who think they can bleed the poor, and trade unionists who believe they should strike regardless of the parlous state of the country are treated as the social pariahs that they undoubtedly are.

PIRATES RELEASE HIJACKED SHIP

THE Spanish oil tanker hijacked by pirates off West Africa 10 days ago was released last Saturday.

All but one of its 23-member crew, five of whom were Spanish and most of the others Filipino, were reported to be in good health. One sailor was slightly injured by a pirate.

According to El Pais newspaper, the crew feared for their lives and suffered a terrible ordeal.

No ransom was paid for the release of the Cypriot-flagged Mattheos I, although the pirates stole as much of its cargo of diesel as they could.

The ship was left near the coast of

Nigeria. It was seized on September 14 as it sailed 62 nautical miles from Benin's capital Cotonou.

A spokesman said that in hijackings off West Africa pirates are usually after the cargo rather than ransom money, unlike in the Indian Ocean where Somali pirates hold crews hostage and demand money.

Friday, September 30, 2011

THEY STOLE OUR CAR IN BELGIUM!

Robbed couple nail Brussels louts on Guardamar beach

A BELGIAN couple who had their car stolen at gunpoint in their homeland some months ago could not believe it when they recognised their attackers – on Guardamar beach.

And when they spotted the thieves sunning it up last Monday, they had no hesitation in calling the Spanish police.

While they were waiting for officers to arrive, the couple found their own stolen car parked nearby, and decided to puncture the tyres to ensure the thieves could

not drive it off. A police search of the car later revealed a simulated pistol. The two men, aged 47 and 20, and identified only by their initials, LJ and GCD, were taken into custody and it’s now known that there was an international search and capture order in force against them.

One has served time for serious sexual crimes against children and they have now both been passed to the National Court ahead of being extradited to Belgium.

Brits in Alicante air-control deal THE Spanish-British company Ferronats has been allocated management of the Alicante Airport control tower.

AENA, the Spanish Airport Authority, revealed this week that Ferronats - a combination of Spanish construction company Ferrovial, and British air-traffic control specialist Nats - will manage the control tower for five years, extendable for a further year.

The externalisation of the service will cut costs by 50%.

AENA will receive €18.1 mil-

lion a year, with an average €650 per turn round paid by the 36,000 planes to be controlled by the tower.

Before Ferronats can take over, they have to obtain permission from the Spanish Civil Aviation Authorities.

The 25 controllers who currently work in the tower can transfer to Ferronats or apply to AENA for a transfer.

Almoradi shock horror!

PSOE councillors in Almoradi have demanded action from the government team to deal with the shocking state of electric

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installation in the town.

PSOE say there is a ‘grave risk’ from faulty wiring, much of which is in areas frequented by children and young people. Among the sites they highlighted as of particular danger are the bus station and the Plaza de la Libertad.

CITIZENS of Torrevieja beware! A dangerous plant is on the loose in the town and must be hunted down and eradicated.

That was the message from the Department of the Environment this week.

No, Torry hasn’t been invaded by Triffids, and you don’t need to live in fear of the parks and gardens of the municipality.

The plant, Pennisetum, has been branded as “dangerous” by the Biodiversity Service of the Department of the Environment.

It has been banned since 2009 because it is a threat to other flora.

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Friday, September 30, 2011

FAGGED OUT Another nail will be driven into the coffins of the UK’s pubs and clubs tomorrow (Saturday). Pub-goers have already suffered steeply rising costs of beer, wines and

spirits. They’ve been wilting under the smoking ban and have been reduced to hanging around cold, rain-swept, windy doorsteps for a swift drag – or at least until

frostbite kicks in. And now cigarette vending machines are being banned in every pub and club. HAROLD HEYS couldn’t care less, though. He stopped smoking in 1999.

STOPPING smoking really is simple; you just don't put a cigarette between your lips and light it. It's easy.

Like most smokers I'd "stopped" more than a dozen times over the years.

The difficult part, of course, is not starting again; a few minutes, a few hours or a few days or weeks after "stopping".

Well, I've now knocked up more than 12 years as a smoke-free zone and if I can persuade just one reader to join me — and stick to it — I will be more than pleased.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not one of these health freaks, keen to ram home a holierthan-thou dogma. I'm not one of those reformed smokers who look down their noses at anyone still puffing away.

Raving loons such as, er, my boss, Courier editor Donna Gee, who says: ‘‘I would rather see heroin made legal because at least they stick the poison into their own bodies rather than inflict it on everyone around them.’’

I don't mind cigarette smoke. It's smelly and it's pervasive, but I waded through clouds of it for long enough to have got used to it.

However, I did think to myself: Why? Why was I inhaling all those poisonous fumes which would be clogging up my lungs with God knows what and making my breath smell like the scrapings from a rabbit hutch?

quite pleased with myself so I just decided not to bother buying a ceremonial pack. I’d see how it went.

So why did I stop in the first place? Cost and health are the reasons most people try to pack it in. I was on 15-20 a day and must have saved thousands of pounds in the past 12 years. I had read somewhere that within days, certainly weeks, of stopping smoking your lungs and arteries begin to recover. It's never too late to stop.

And the old line about "it'll never happen to me" begins to take on a hollow ring as you get older. It can happen to you.

I really think the one thing that stopped me was the thought that if, God forbid, I did get something nasty and terminal, I would be spending my last few months kicking myself for being such a bloody idiot.

At least now if the worst happens I can look back and console myself a little with the thought: Well, at least I tried.

It might have been harder to stop had I been living in France or there in Spain, where laws are rather more relaxed. Try telling a garlic-smelling Frenchie to put out his Gauloise while he sips his café au lait. The French have the right approach to diktats from Brussels … get stuffed.

How have I coped? I have to say it hasn't been a problem. I seldom notice people smoking. It just doesn't register. I can run up three flights of stairs without having to pause to admire the view and I feel a lot better. My blood pressure, which had been sky high, is back to the level of a teenager, so the nurse who checked it recently told me.

Now they won’t even let you BUY cigs in the pub

Answer I daren’t think about what is shoved in all the rip-off fags floating around these days. I suppose all the swept-up dog poo has to end up somewhere.

Why was I smoking? I used to ask myself.

And I never had an answer.

Something to do? Not really. You have to have a pretty sad life if lighting up a fag is a highlight. Habit? Yes, I suppose that was it.

A cigarette helps to relieve stress, of course. Well, so they say. I never saw it that way, but I suppose I have been fortunate to have had a laid-back disposition for as long as I can remember. I might have a short fuse but nothing much gets up my nose for long.

Especially fag smoke, these days.

So, how did I stop? First of all, I decided a few weeks beforehand that I was going to stop at a certain time so I could get used to

the idea. For me it was the end of the local snooker season and "luckily" for me the team I captained went right through the endof-season knockout and won the cup so I had an extra few weeks’ puffing time.

I'd had a few weeks to tell everyone who might have been remotely interested that I was stopping. So egg-on-face became a consideration. But, and this made it easier, I made it clear that I was just stopping for the summer. Come the new season, three months ahead, I'd be back on the fags with a vengeance.

It wasn't like I was never going to smoke again. That would have been asking too much and I really couldn't have coped with that frightening thought. I looked on it as more of a summer break.

All right. So you've stopped several times.

And started again. How? You probably bummed a fag off a pal. Yes, you'd stopped but you just fancied one. Just one. And one became two and three. And you bought just one pack to pay back the three or four you had borrowed and…

Now I swore that I would never bum a

fag. If I really wanted one, I would fish out a few quid and either go to the shop or the bar or the garage and buy a packet. No half measures. No playing at it. Mind you, I did avoid pubs that summer.

And I must admit that a couple of times in the early days I was tempted. Especially when a pal left his fags and matches on the table. “Do me a favour!” I’d say with a growl.

I opened the front door late one night clutching a fiver, to be met by a howling gale and I just thought: Forget it.

Another time it took me a couple of minutes to find the right change for the pub's fag machine and by then I'd decided I didn't want to bother.

It's that pause between wanting a cigarette and actually lighting up that was the key to my early success. Try it. Don't bum a fag; if you want one, trudge off and buy a pack. Perhaps by the time you get there you’ll have thought better of it.

Back in the UK from this weekend you’ll have a job finding a vending machine so it’ll be a bit easier. By the time the new snooker season came along, I was feeling fitter and

Proud I am rather proud of my achievement; every day is another Brownie point, not that I count any more. I put on a few pounds but I lost them quickly. I probably don't stink like a tractor exhaust and I can lose even more money to my bookie.

Let me just finish with a little tale which also helped me to stop. A colleague was enjoying the hospitality of a Press function hosted by one of the top cigarette companies. He proffered a pack of cigarettes – their brand, of course – to two expensive suits from the USA. He was told, with a sideways glance and matching sneer: "No thanks; we just sell the sh*t.”

Enjoy your next fag. Why not make it your last?

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Friday, September 30, 2011

A toast (with no beer) to Guardia roadblocks HOW many would-be drink-drivers, I wonder, stay off the booze because of the danger of being trapped by a late-night Guardia Civil roadblock?

Let’s face it, a lot more expats would risk driving home after a few San Miguels if the chance of being stopped was as remote as it is on Britain’s overcrowded roads.

I drink very little alcohol these days but a bar-owner friend who DOES like a tipple was breathalysed twice on successive evenings recently as he drove home from work. He was under the limit both times

Send your comments to donna@thecourier.es but – shocked by being pulled in increasingly quickly – has vowed not to drink at work again.

When I lived in England, I often went days – sometimes weeks – without even seeing a police car.

But here in Spain, the Guardia and Policia Local seem to be everywhere.

On Monday afternoon, for instance, I had to negotiate Guardia roadblocks at two successive roundabouts as I

approached the AP7 near Almoradi.

These guys can smell a rat from 25 miles - they knew who they were looking for, so the traffic kept moving smoothly.

But it got me thinking how Britain could benefit from daytime security roadblocks and breathalyser tests.

It’s a sobering thought that there would almost certainly be fewer drink-drivers if there was a serious chance of any motorist being stopped.

The drawback, of course, is that any roadblock in the UK is guaranteed to produce a 10-mile tailback.

WEIGH OUT OF ORDER

Charge of the light brigade is a bonus for heavyweights THERE can’t be many of us who have never crossed swords with an airline check-in desk over the weight of our luggage.

And suffered the embarrassment of exposing our packed smalls in front of a queue of impatient travellers as we search vainly for a discardable pair of knickers two-and-a-half weighing kilos.

There’s no chance of finding any one item remotely near as heavy, of course – so we either pay the £50 excess or see our hand luggage whisked into the hold along with an arm and a leg.

It’s a painful scenario, as anyone whose purse has experienced the pain of being disarmed and delegged will testify. Particularly all you wafer-thin ladies who regard a size six as a tent.

Not so long ago, my friend Amy, who tips the scales at around 45-kilos, found herself hunting for those lead

knickers after being caught in the ‘your bag’s overweight’ trap.

Her cause lost, she forked out the obligatory 50 quid … and then saw the giant of a man behind her, complete with bushy Brian Blessed

beard, sail through check-in in a whisker. ‘‘He must have weighed 25 stone (158 kilos),’’ Amy moaned. ‘‘That’s four times as much as me, yet he didn’t have to pay any extra. It’s so unfair.’’ She has a point.

Whilst airlines obviously need to put a lid on the total weight their planes lift off with, the system of treating all passengers as clones does seem innately flawed.

Excess weight equation: Little Amy plus suitcase plus lead knickers (67.5 kilos) = £50; Michelin Man plus suitcase (178 kilos) = No charge.

You have to admit there is something illogical about Michelin Man and a full set of spare tyres being treated identically to a stick insect.

But then, we live in an age of political correctness where it’s taboo to mock the afflicted. Or in this case those who

eat all the pies. However, there are parts of the world where flying can be heavy going for the more rotund (you fat burgers, that is).

For instance, my long-time pal Mike Thornton was turfed off an eight-seater plane after he had been checked in for a short flight in the Philipines.

Mike, an undertaker whose surname sums up his shape, moved to the Costa Blanca recently to escape the deadful (sorry, dreadful) Manchester weather.

He recalls: ‘’My partner and I had booked for a later flight to Manila but when we arrived at Caticlan airport, the one before was still on the runway with two seats free. ‘’I needed to go to the loo so my other half checked us and our bags in at the desk.

When I emerged, the check-in clerk took one look at me and, clearly shocked, said to my partner: ‘‘Oh my God! Would you ask him to get on the scales?’ ‘‘I did – and as a result we had to wait for the next flight.’’

Fortunately, Mike saw the funny side. In fact, he admits he corpsed with laughter.

Which made a pleasant change from his day job…

The flyover that saved my sanity THIS week’s opening of the flyover linking the Lemon Tree Road to the N332 marks the completion of a life-saving project.

Because without it, I’d either be dead or in hospital battling acute stress.

For years, it was near impossible to turn left towards Guardamar without risking life and limb from speeding traffic in both directions.

Then the N332 improvements began - and that precarious left turn at Moncayo junction was blocked off. Cue even more stress as a three-kilometre detour was added to every trip to Guardamar.

Thanks to some ingenious engineering, the new flyover and roundabout has solved the problems.Apart, that is, from the invitability that some poor devil will come a cropper there before the week is out.

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Friday, September 30, 2011

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Friday, September 30, 2011

From an ass to a donkey: Holidays and headaches SO I walked into the travel agents and informed the woman who greeted me that I fancied a fortnight in Spain.

'Wouldn't we all, luv?' she said and winked.

That's a bit familiar, I thought, wondering how long the lady had been in the holiday business.

Then the realisation dawned.

'Don't tell me,' I told her. 'You don't work here. You're a customer, too and I've just made a fool of myself.'

She winked again. 'Yes and no. Yes, you have made a fool of yourself. And no, I DO work here.

'But this is not a travel agents. It's a dry-cleaners.'

I felt myself blush. 'I should have known when I saw all the coats and jackets hanging up. I just thought a lot of people were employed here.'

I fled the shop in acute embarrassment -- then marched back in again.

'So how was Spain?' the same woman asked.

'Huh?' I said.

'Well, I thought you might have gone to the Costa Blanca to recuperate.'

'Huh?' I said again.

'Don't you remember?' the woman said. 'No, you obviously don't.

'In your haste to leave the premises you banged your head on the dry-cleaning machine. The ambulance crew said you'd concussed yourself.

‘That was three weeks ago.'

I felt myself blushing again, fled the shop -- and marched straight back in.

But this time I checked my head for cuts, grazes, lumpy bumps and bumpy lumps.

I also looked at the date on my watch to make doubly sure that another three weeks hadn't elapsed.

'You can't blame me for getting confused,' I tutted. 'Fancy calling a dry-cleaners Silver Wings. Is it any wonder I thought I could book my hols here.'

(Historical note: Older readers will verify that there really was once a dry-cleaning establishment called Silver Wings.)

But the point I think I'm trying to make is that when I was a lad, the concept of holidays abroad was . . . er . . . foreign to most folk of my mother's and father's generation.

For them, a week in Blackpool was the height (particularly if we went up the Tower) of their vacation ambitions.

My family would traipse down to Manchester's Lower Mosley Street Bus Station (incidentally, we'd pass the Silver Wings premises) and be whisked away on a packed double-decker bus to Paradise-on-the-Fylde.

Mother would regale her fellow bus passengers with stories of holidays past, her favourite tale being the one about the time I fell off a beach donkey.

I must point out here that falling off the donkey wasn't my fault.

Being a coward about most things, I'd chosen the most docile-looking animal in the chain.

I was lifted onto its back by the donkey man while Mother stood by with the Box Brownie to record my ride for the family album.

Dad was a few yards away trying to put up three deckchairs.

Suddenly -- clack, clack, clack -- all three chairs collapsed at once.

Disturbed by the noise, my donkey switched from docile to demented and tried to bolt.

The donkey man grabbed its reins, the poor animal went into a semi-swoon and sat down on the sands -- and I slid off.

'Someone's going to have to teach you how to ride, our David,' Dad said as we left the beach.

'Not until you've mastered the art of putting up deckchairs, our Dad,' I said.

The one consolation was there was no photo to record the embarrassing event.

In all the excitement, Mother had dropped the Kodak and the descending donkey had squashed it.

Anyway, we used to stay at the same boarding house every summer.

But one year Dad had forgotten to confirm our booking and every room was occupied -- apart from the attic.

On our first morning, there I was, awoken by a single ray of sunshine.

It penetrated the skylight in the ceiling and bounced off a flight of plaster ducks going nowhere -- but in an orderly diagonal fashion -- along one wall.

The little ray of sunshine then ricocheted to the other side of the attic room where, bathed in the golden glow, stood our washing facilities -- a jug of water and a bowl.

No plumbing here to ruin the ambience.

I yawned, stretched my small body and prepared to leap out of bed -- but not too high otherwise I'd bash my bonce on the sloping ceiling.

And then I heard the spooky sound of footsteps creaking on the uncarpeted flight of stairs leading to our garret.

Oh my goodness, I gulped. My holiday is about to end horrifically at the hands of whoever those feet belonged to.

My final conscious thought was destined to be regret that I would never again get to laugh at Dad trying to put up a deckchair.

There was a knock at the attic door. I pulled the bedclothes over my head.

'Hello in there!' a voice called. 'It's your landlady out here.

'Sorry about the spooky creaking noise as I came up the stairs. It's my dodgy hip.

'I was just wondering if you'd finished with the bowl. Only I need it to make a pudding for tea tonight.'

FAKE-DEATH HUSBAND’S DOUBLE LIFE

Judgment time for ‘drowned’ runaway who fled to Paraguay and wed beauty queen IN a story that could inspire a bestselling novel, Spaniard Jenaro Jiménez faked his own death after allegedly swindling thousands of euros from different banks, and then fled to South America, where he married a beauty queen and started a new family.

The runaway’s trial has just started, and he is being charged with stealing 30,000 euros from Bankinter – in the

first of many cases filed against him.

On Tuesday, Jiménez, who looked much thinner than he did when he was arrested in Spain two years ago, declined to speak to reporters as he was led into the courtroom.

Back in April 2008, he drove his BMW to the Playa de los Alemanes beach in Tarifa, Costa del Sol, on the pretext of going scuba diving. He was deep in debt

from bad business deals and had taken out various loans in his wife’s name.

Faking a drowning, Jiménez disappeared. His whole family believed he had died.

He eventually made it to Brazil, settling in Paraguay where he soon met Rossana Villalba, a former Miss Paraguay contestant, who was working as a store clerk at a fashionable mall.

The 28-year-old beauty and the runaway immediately became romantically involved.

Jiménez told her that his name was Álvaro Domecq y Carbajal and that he had moved to Paraguay because he was tired of living in Madrid and wanted to invest in her country.

He also said he was a bachelor with

Turn to Page 13

Friday, September 30, 2011

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Friday, September 30, 2011

Join in the fun at the Zumbathon!

Here’s €365 - no questions asked!

PAUL Cunningham Nurses were not so much ‘quids in’ and ‘quiz in’ when Mary and Tommy from Clarke’s Bar in Playa Flamenca handed over €365 euros to the charity.

The money was raised from the bar’s Monday night quiz, run by Derek Connew, and presented to Susie McCrossan, one of PCN’s lead nurses.

Susie gave a brief talk about the nurses, explai-

ning that they provide free care for patients in the latter stages of a terminal illness. This hospice care at home is subject to a medical assessment which is now also free.

For more information on Paul Cunningham Nurses or their new friendship groups, visit www.paulcunninghamnurses.com or email sueinthesun@hotmail.co. uk or call 639 318 526.

FANCY doing your bit for charity by taking part in a Zumbathon? Well, here’s your chance.

On Sunday October 9, a special event will be taking place at Casa La Pedrera, the Grand Design House, in aid of AECC and EMAUS. You can either get yourself some sponsors or pay €5 on the day.

What is a Zumbathon, do we hear you ask?

It’s a fun three-hour event which includes the best Zumba dancing and exercise led by experienced instructor Cindy van Asperen.

To download a sponsorship form, visit www.thingstodoinspain.info or pick one up from the Tea Garden at Casa La Pedrera.

The day will end with a foam party and everyone is welcome, whether or not you have ever done Zumba before.

Contact Cindy on 622039994 or Jenni on 660816620 for more details and directions.

The event will go ahead even if it rains – we hope to see you all there!

Tommy Clarke receives a Certificate of Appreciation from PCN’s Susie McCrossan

HAH-PY BIRTHDAY! Get ready to swing again at the Costa Narejos IF you missed the last Big Band Dance Night in Los Alcazares, don't worry.

Because the stage is set for a reprise at the Hotel Spa Costa Narejos on October 20.

But make sure you don;t miss this one because it will be the last of the current season.

The show will run from 9pm to 11.30pm and will feature live music from the gifted musicians of Swingtet-Plus.

Favourites You’ll be able to dance to Big Band and Swing classics, Latin, Rock ‘n' Roll and lots more of your favourites.

You’ll be treated to the unforgettable tunes of Duke Ellington, Count Basie, Glenn Miller, the Beatles and many more.

It all adds up to a very enjoyable evening of musical entertainment.

There will also be a raffle, with the proceeds presented to the Help Murcia Mar Menor Cancer Support Group.

Admission is by ticket only - available in advance now from reception at Hotel Spa Costa Narejos (Tel: 968 - 583 - 980)

Help At Home celebrates one year and 100 clients

MORE than 100 clients have benefited in the 12 months since Help At Home started their home help service.

Their ages range from six to 96, they have varying problems - and while some are still being cared for, more are asking for help on almost a daily basis.

HAH founder Lesley Eburne says: “Lynda, our own Nurse Practitioner, has had phenomenal success with so many of our clients, and our carers have been an amazing support team. ‘’Over the past three months, our volunteers have been averaging between 200-400 hours per month, and all this help is offered FREE to the clients. ‘’Our fundraisers have worked so hard to ensure that sufficient funds are available to pay for our Nurse, the volunteers’ expenses and running costs.” ,and to celebrate, they held a birthday party at the Novo Carthago Restaurant/bar in Estrella de Mar, Los Urrutias on Wednesday.

There are only a few tickets left for this popular venue’s Super Savoury Buffet and Mr Entertainment, Tony Lincoln will be on hand to make the party go with a swing Tickets are only 5€ (a non-fund-raising event), tel: Lesley 968 134 978 for detailsFor details of future HAH events, check out www.helpathome.es and the local press.

If you would like to offer a few hours to suit yourself and help others in their own homes, please call Angela on 634 344 040.

RAY Curtis fulfilled one of his greatest dreams when he completed the Great North Run in Newcastle - and raised £600 for Breast Cancer Care in the process.

Ray’s pre-race problem was that he had not run for some years, so he turned to experts Val and Mike Maskery for help.

The Maskerys are therapists who work

Wanted now: Voluntary help for Help at Home

THE charity Help at Home (HAH) has expanded rapidly over the past few months, but is still seeking new volunteers.

It operates in Torrevieja and surrounding areas, offering practical and nursing help to those in need of it.

There's a volunteers meeting on Monday, October 3 at The Emerald Isle, La Florida, from 11am to midday. Those attending are asked to be early to enable a prompt start.

Appllication forms will be available for new volunteers who would like to join the team if they come along to the meeting.

They should bring two passport photographs, as should current volunteers who have not got their ID badge.

The meeting will give an update on the progress of the charity, current clients and answer any questions or concerns.

HAR needs volunteers in areas such as Pilar Horadada, Torrevieja and Quesada with carers, home helps, drivers, and fundraisers required.

HAH Costa Blanca, which has so far helped more than 40 local clients, has more than 60 volunteers, mostly living in the Playa Flamenca area.

The charity was recently nominated for two awards at the Pride of Spain Awards - despite the fact it has only been up and running since May this year.

from a clinic in La Florida and specialise in muscle treatments.

Ray says:’’Without Val and Mike’s help and expertise, I would never have completed the run. I enjoyed the experience but it was like running on a tube train. ‘’I have to say, though, that the atmosphere was superb.’’

MABS Murcia events update Friday October 7: MABS Market Stall in Calasparra Market – 9.00 am - 1.00 pm.

Situated opposite the Gran Via cafe (this is held the first and third Friday of the month, 9 am -1 pm) Tuesday Oct 11: MABS Murcia NW Volunteer Monthly Meeting – 5.00 pm.

New venue: Hotel Argos (between Calasparra & Cehegin). New volunteers welcome. Call 650 103

095 for further details. This meeting is normally held on the second Wednesday of each month.

Friday Oct 28: MABS Book Stall – 11.00 am – 2.00 pm. Outside Bar/Cafe on Urb. Tierra del Sol, Calasparra. (This is held the last Friday of every month).

For further information on Calasparra events, please contact: mabsmurcianw @gmail.com

13

Friday, September 2, 2011

A no-fry zone for Mark and Emma and their wedding guests on Sunday

Photo: Ken Taylor Photography and The Viva Media Centre

ORIHUELA, WORLD CAPITAL OF BEAUTY (WELL, UNTIL OCTOBER 7 ANYWAY)

ORIHUELA has become Europe’s most beautiful city this week as it plays host to a bevy of the world’s most glamorous women.

The finals of the Miss Intercontinental contest are currently taking place in the city, with 70 beauty queens competing for the title at the Circo Theatre.

And with the competition running until October 7, the glamour pusses ae going to be round for quite a few days yet.

Contestants have come from all over the world to participate in the high-profile competition, which is being broadcast on TV in many countries.

During their stay, the beauties are due to visit Marq, Torrevieja, Valencia, Terra Mítica and the Bodegas Paco Gómez.

Councillor for tourism Pedro Mancebo insisted the event is being financed entirely by private business and that no tax payers’ money will be used.

The fake-death runaway and the beauty queen From Page 10 no family, when in fact he had abandoned his pregnant wife and a small child.

Jiménez and Villalba set up home together and went on to run a liquor store.

They soon had a daughter.

Back home, police grew suspicious after spending three days dredging for the body in the waters off Tarifa.

Jiménez’s family believed that because

he suffered from diabetes, he must have had a heart attack while diving.

When financial institutions began filing complaints against him for non-payment of loans for developing a real-estate business, the police in Cádiz contacted Interpol to put a red alert on Jiménez.

In June 2009, he suddenly told his new family he had to return to Spain to “take care of some business”. By August, he was in custody.

It was only then that his Paraguayan wife discovered his true identity. Jiménez had deceived two families.

His wife in Spain understandably filed for a divorce and asked the court for a restraining order. And in Paraguay, Villalba changed her young daughter’s last name, removing the fake Domecq y Carbajal.

Besides fraud, Jiménez has been charged with illegal appropriation and sub-

mitting false documents to financial institutions.

His lawyer, Alfonso Jiménez, said: “It was a delusion; he was burdened with debt. He’s not right in the head. Changing his name to Álvaro Domecq, the name of a sherry producer, is proof of that.’’. The lawyer insisted that no one asked his client to return to Spain, adding “He is sorry for what he has done and wants to repair the damage.’’

14

Friday, September 30, 2011

It’s baking hot - get the gritters out!

IT can only happen in England - but as the country prepares to bake in recordbreaking temperatures, Plymouth city council will have gritting lorries on standby for SNOW this weekend.

The West Country authority says that because of damage caused by the last two harsh winters, its seven gritters will be on standby for the next six months to keep the city's main roads open.

According to the Daily Mirror, a public road show is also planned for tomorrow (Saturday), giving people advice about which roads will be gritted and "information about how to travel safely when there is ice or snow on the roads".

It said that if there is snow and ice this winter, it plans to grit 42% of the city's road network - almost 250 miles

of roads.

However, it is unlikely the lorries will be called into action at the weekend with forecasters predicting record-breaking temperatures across the country.

The hottest September 29 was recorded in York in 1895 when the mercury peaked at 27.8C (82F), and meteorologists think the record could be broken during the unusual miniheatwave.

The unseasonably warm weather is more than 10C (50F) higher than the average temperature for the end of September.

Councillor Kevin Wigens, Plymouth Council's cabinet member for transport, said: "Keeping the road network clear and moving is essential to Plymouth's people and economy - and we are as prepared as we can be.

TORO, SORROW, TOMORROW...

After the bullfight ban, now what?

ON SEPTEMBER 25, Barcelona's Monumental bullring opened its doors for the last time.

A triumphant José Tomás performed to a packed house as the curtain went down on 624 years of bullfighting in Catalonia following the enactment of a ban on the divisive tradition.

Common sense says that bullfighting will not return to Catalonia.

Now that the lights are out and the stage is empty, one question leaps out: now what? Should aficionados resign themselves to the fact that bullfighting is now part of the past in Catalonia, or do they have reason for hope that the parliamentary agreement that abolished it will be repealed?

Rumour has it - and so far it has not been dispelled - that the owner of the Monumental was planning to shut down the ring during the 2007 season because of the ruinous state of the business in the Catalan capital.

But he changed his mind when the matador José Tomás informed him that he was making a comeback and that he would like to do so at the Monumental.

By then, all other Catalan bullrings had already shut down, and the Monumental remained open with a seating capacity of nearly 20,000 but no more than 400 sales of season passes. It had been years since the industry had taken its business elsewhere - the general exodus began with the death of the legendary impresario Pedro Balañá Espinós on February 24, 1965 - and left the door wide open for Catalan nationalism to implement its rejection of an activity which it always considered essentially Spanish.

It is true, nevertheless, that despite the capital role that Barcelona played in the bullfighting world during much of the 20th century, this activity was more of a leisure option at a time when choices were few, rather than an economic or cultural cohesive element in Catalan society.

In a Catalonia that was predominantly industrial and urban, there are no ranches that raise fighting bulls, there is just one bullfighting school and very few bullfighters were born here.

By the time nationalism began its offensive, the Monumental's glory days were long gone. This was the favorable setting for the 500,000 signatures petitioning the regional assembly to abolish the tradition.

Most of the house voted in favour of this ban, perhaps not so much because they opposed the bulls - in fact, they awarded extra protection for correbous, the Catalan version of the running of the bulls - but because it was an ideal occasion to reject a Spanish sign of identity.

Common sense says that bullfighting will not return to Catalonia, above all because citizens are not interested in it.

But there are two lights at the end of the tunnel for its supporters: an appeal filed by the conservative Popular Party on the basis that the ban is unconstitutional, and the chance that this party will declare bullfighting a National Cultural Asset if it wins the next general elections in November.

"Our salt store is full and our gritters will be ready to go from October 1.

"Saturday's event will reassure people about the city's preparations for winter, and encourage them to think about their own property, area and travel needs during extreme weather."

Paul Mott, meteorologist for MeteoGroup, the weather division of the Press Association, said on Thursday: "We are still on for some exceptionally warm weather until Sunday.

"Temperatures today will probably reach 28C (82.4F) over the London area. Central and eastern England could reach up to 27C (80.6F), so it is very warm indeed.

"That is a good 10C (50F) to 11C (51.8F) warmer than what we would expect for this time of year."

Catalan film adds a taste of black bread to Oscars THE FILM Pa Negre (Black Bread) made history on Wednesday when it was chosen as the first ever Catalanlanguage film to be presented to the Oscars as Spain's candidate for Best Foreign Language Film.

The movie, set in a Catalan valley in post-Civil War Spain, beat out competition from La Voz Dormida (or, The Sleeping Voice) from director Benito Zambrano and The Skin I Live In, from previous Oscar winner Pedro Almodóvar.

For the director of Pa Negre, Agustí Villaronga, who has already picked up Spain's National Cinematography Prize for his film, this will be his first experience of competing for an Oscar.

The movie, which stars Nora Navas and child actor Francesc Colomer, was originally released in 2010, but on the back of Wednesday's news will be rereleased in cinemas in Madrid and Barcelona.

"I'm happier than I ever thought I could be," says Villaronga, speaking over the phone. "It's been a complete surprise."

The news was delivered to him while he was at home, where he was doing a read through with several actors of the script of Carta a Eva, a TV movie about Eva Perón that he is currently working on.

The filmmaker heard the news via text message, sent by an agent. Villaronga says he doesn't just feel happy for him-

self, but also thanks to the warm reception he has got from a wide range of people.

"There is a special wave of support, among other reasons because the film is in Catalan."

The Spanish actors Verónica Echegui and José Coronado were tasked with opening the envelopes on Wednesday, and announcing the winner.

Director Judith Colell, who is the vice president of Spain's film academy, said she was thrilled with the choice, as "another of the state languages" will be going to Hollywood as a representative of "our plurality."

From Catalonia herself, Colell had a few words to say about the fact the film is in the regional language. "What we have to do is convince audiences with good films - audiences don't go to see a film because of the language it is in, but rather on the basis of whether it is any good."

The US Academy will announce the definitive candidates for each category on January 24, among which will be the Best Foreign Language Film. But the road to making that list is long and winding.

The first phase sees the academy members choose nine movies, which they will have seen between October and December. Then, between January 22 and 24, two special committees - one in New York and one in Los Angeles - will choose five finalists, which will then compete for the win.

15

Friday, September 30, 2011

ENTER HOGWARTS ED MASTER, STAGE LEFT HAVE you been glued to your TV screen watching the coverage of the British Party conference season? I thought not, and I’ve got to be honest and say that I’ve only been catching selective highlights and the leader’s speeches.

It’s all very different from the great days of the ’60s and ’70s, when we had either Play School or the Test Card to watch on the TV during the day.

I used to love the old conferences where an unseemly holy row was guaranteed and chaos would ensure, especially with the Labour Party gatherings. But it was good oldfashioned democracy of a sort.

Nowadays it’s as riveting as waiting for Alesha Dixon to make a controversial judging comment on Strictly Come Dancing. The merchants of spin and the party bosses have purified and sanitised the proceedings far better than I could possibly hope to do with my two domestic water closets.

Take the annual Liberal Assembly, which nobody used to take notice of, because they never had any MPs or power. All we saw were some mad bearded pipe-smoking sandal-wearing geeks in Arran jumpers, with batty ideas of eating spinach and preaching unilateral nuclear disarmament at every opportunity.

And those were just the female delegates!

Nowadays, we have the party’s answer to Lewis Hamilton, speedy Chris Huhne, standing up like he did last week in Birmingham, as a cabinet minister, no less, and then declaring a popular war on the energy companies.

All good stuff for the masses and so good in fact , that Ed Miliband repeated the same words to the Labour Conference just three days ago!

Labour’s merry men and women gathered in Liverpool this week in a heavily rehearsed production that would have put the Royal Shakespeare Company to shame. Long gone were the halcyon days of over-inflated egocentric trade

union barons like Jack Jones and Hugh Scanlon waving their cards with two million votes written on them during some left-wing composite motion about an Albanian farm collective.

I miss those full frontal rows like Neil Kinnock taking on Derek Hatton and his militant goons in front of the TV cameras, or back in the early ’60s, the affable Hugh Gaitskell fighting the extremists over nuclear weapons. All such entertaining discourse and rancour was sadly neutralised by Tony Blair and his cohorts back in the mid ’90s, as they created

Miliband looked like a refugee from a Hogwarts classroom, minus some Harry Potter-style glasses, and he clearly set a huge stall on his keynote performance.

So much so, he brought in the man who directed Matt Damon in the Bourne films, Paul Greengrass, to give him tips on how to present his speech.

There were so many artistic pauses of rounds of applause, which sometimes didn’t appear, that I expected a voice from the crowd with a loud-hailer to shout “Cut!”.

To be fair, Miliband comes over as bright and miles more sincere than the blustering Gordon Brown, and he has interesting things to say, notably in apologising for mistakes during Labour’s 13 years in power. something akin to an annual meeting of the North Korean Communist Party in Pyongyang.

I don’t even get my quota of fun any more with the Conservative Conference, which next week hits Manchester.

Years ago, I used to sit with a few of my college mates in a bar, playing a very illuminating game every year the Tories gathered.

We’d watch for an hour trying to guess how many black or Asian delegates we’d see amongst the geriatric blue-rinse ladies who always seemed to be more in touch with the cost

Canary Island volcano may be ready to erupt

THE Canary Island of El Hierro, the smallest and farthest southeast of the Spanish Atlantic archipelago, is steeling itself for a possible volcanic eruption after a series of tremors was felt during the weekend.

The strongest of these, 3.4 on the Richter scale, shook El Hierro on Saturday.

The regional government of the Canaries reacted by raising the seismic alert level to yellow for the first time in the recent history of the islands.

The security department of El Hierro warned that there will be further activity

of a bottle of Gordons, as opposed to the needs of a struggling family on a council estate.

At least Labour and the Libs would make policy during their gatherings, which the Tories didn’t, but that didn’t matter as the old ladies would applaud, bang on cue, every speaker from the English shires - who would come to the rostrum offering opinions that would make Genghis Khan seem a raging Socialist!

Socialist is a word that has hardly been uttered at Labour’s gathering in Liverpool this week, and it took Ed Miliband’s leader’s speech on Tuesday to even bring up the first mentions of names like Blair and Brown.

over the next few days but asked residents to remain calm as "these seismic movements are normal."

However, María del Carmen Morales, the island's security chief, warned that evacuation of El Hierro may occur. "The eruption will give us plenty of notice, so we will have sufficient time to evacuate the population and take them to a safe place," Morales said.

"At the moment, what's important is to remain calm," said Martín Marrero, spokesman for the regional government of the Canaries.

With the best part of four years to go before the General Election, there was little policy in his speech, but he crucially set out his stall to be somewhere to the left of the Blair/Brown Labour Party, and that’s where he’s forgotten an important lesson in winning elections in the UK. If you don’t embrace the centre-ground, you lose, and whatever the smiling union and constituency delegates thought about the unfairly branded ‘Red Ed’, they may well regret not having chosen his older brother to lead them, come May 2015.

Boy, 10, abducted from Albir school A TEN-YEAR-OLD Norwegian boy was reportedly kidnapped on Tuesday from the Norwegian School in Albir.

Police said he was abducted from the playground at around 9.15am.

The Guardia Civil have been monitoring airports, ferries and border crossings and school rector Lill

Strømnes confirmed the kidnapping might stem from a custody dispute.

Norwegian Foreign Ministry communication advisor Kjetil Elsebutangen told ABC News that the Ministry is investigating and Spanish police are pursuing the case.

16

THE SPANISH PRESS Friday, September 30, 2011

Double murder suspect ‘could be a serial killer’ A 42-YEAR-OLD Irishman was arrested in Mijas last weekend for the alleged murder of two women. And it is believed many more victims may be revealed during his trial.

The two victims had Spanish nationality but were of Latin American origin. Both were stabbed to death in apartments they rented on the Costa del Sol. The mother and girlfriend of the accused murderer have also been questioned to determine whether they were involved or knew anything about the crimes.

Guardia Civil officers and National Police have been working together to investigate the crimes, according to the Malaga-based Sur newspaper.

It is believed there may be more victims in other countries or other parts of Spain.

The detainee had false ID, which made discovering his true nationality difficult. He was arrested at a gym in Mijas and taken to the Guardia Civil headquarters in Fuengirola.

The two women were questioned at Marbella police station.

The murders took place on August 11 in Calahonda, Mijas, and September 10 in San Pedro de Alcantara, a few kilometres away. There were many similarities in the way the victims died, leading police to believe they may be dealing with a mass murderer. The women were aged 45 and 47.

SAFE AND WELL: The Libyans are brought ashore

PSOE celebrated its first 100 days as part of the coalition government in Orihuela last Friday.

And in a dramatic speech, PSOE leader Antonia Moreno claimed the whole province was now a different place to what it was under PP rule.

She even went as far as saying ex-mayor Monica Lorente would never again rule the region and that the time of “fear” in Orihuela was over.

Since the change of government in the municipality there have been numerous accusations of misuse of taxpayers’ Murcia Guardia Civil arrested three local men last weekend on suspicion of stealing 580 kilos of grapes from a Cieza farm. The over-zealous scrumpers were detained when officers spotted money by the previous their car brimful with the succulent fruit. The men, aged from 21 to 51, are awaiting trial while PP administration. the grapes were returned to their owner Authorised

THE GRAPE ESCAPE

LIBYANS DRIFT IN ON A POLA COASTER

A PLEASURE boat sailing from Santa Pola to Tabarca raised the alarm when a makeshift raft was spotted drifting off the island last weekend.

Coastguards quickly scrambled a boat and helicopter to res-

Meet Spain’s sexiest woman of all time...

WHEN FHM magazine launched a questionnaire to discover the sexiest Spaniard of all time, beauties featured in the voting included Elsa Pataky, Penelope Cruz and Paz Vega. However, the surprise winner is thousands of years old, rather grey in complexion and has a very exotic hairstyle.

The “Dama de Elche” beat off all competition to be ranked winner.

FHM magazine said of the surprise

Time of fear is over for Orihuela, says PSOE

result: “We believe we may have been the brunt of a joke or a hacker may have got into the voting system.”

The headlines are certainly not doing the magazine any harm, though. The competition has been relaunched with readers being asked to vote with their heart and not with stupidity.

However, guess who’s leading the votes yet again? You got it, the pretty Lady of Elche.

La Dama de Elche

cue the 12-man crew, who said they had fled Libya on the raft and had been drifting for three days.

Miraculously, the refugees were in reasonable health, although one had to be hospitalised due to hypothermia and low blood pressure. They were all suffering low blood sugar.

The all-male crew, one of them under 18, were treated by medics and then taken into police custody.

According to La Verdad newspaper, this is the first boatload of illegal immigrants intercepted this year in Valencia.

The previous week an empty boat appeared off the coast of Orihuela, but no crew has been found.

PSOE claims to have discovered rental payments of 10,000 euros a month authorised by PP for an office used to house the town hall’s archives. According to PSOE, the owner of this office received 360,000 euros in three years.

It is also alleged the PP authorised further rental payments of more than €1m a year for various properties, with around half going to estate agents.

However, PSOE says much of the rent has not been paid and the new administration has been left with a €9m debt.

PSOE says it is looking to move all town hall business into government offices, so that no rents will be paid for private properties.

17

AND THE UK NEWS Friday, September 30, 2011

The Sun

SLEEPY ED IS JUST ONE BIG YAWN ED MILIBAND'S make-orbreak speech to the Labour conference turned into a damp squib on Tuesday after he failed to convince voters he has what it takes to become Prime Minister.

The hour-long address contained virtually no new policy announcements as Miliband instead focused on painting himself as the underdog fighting the Tory establishment.

The Labour leader also retreated to his party's comfort zone by hitting out at fat cat business bosses and praising the NHS. The speech was such a yawn-fest that TV cameras covering the speech live on Sky News and the BBC blanked out for several minutes.

During the interrupted speech Mr Miliband failed to even mention the looming public sector strikes for fear of offending his trade union paymasters.

FIRE THAT KILLED FIVE ‘STARTED BY FREEZER’ A HOUSE fire which killed five children and their mother is believed to have been caused by a freezer, the fire service has said.

Muna Elmufatish, 41, daughters Hanin Kua, 14, Basma, 13, Amal, nine, and sons Mustafa, five, and Yehya, two, died when their London home was engulfed in flames in the early hours of Saturday.

London Fire Brigade said the family's chest freezer, stored in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs, was most likely to have started the blaze, which became the capital's worst house fire in more than a decade.

An inquest into the deaths has now been opened and adjourned.

A spokesman for London Fire Brigade said: "Six people died and two were seriously injured in a blaze in a two-storey semi-detached house on Sonia Gardens in Neasden.

"Fire investigators believe that a chest freezer, which was in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs,

Daily Express

may have caused the fire. The make of the chest freezer is not known at this stage."

Post-mortem examinations found that the six victims died from inhalation of fumes. The children's father, Bassam Kua, 51, and their 16-year-old sister, Nur, escaped the flames but remain in hospital.

The girl is critical but stable and her father is in a stable condition.

Investigations continue into what caused the devastating fire which police do not believe was suspicious.

London Fire Brigade is to launch a fire safety blitz across the capital in the wake of the deaths, supported by a Facebook campaign.

This will begin with a pilot programme in secondary schools in Brent, the borough where the fire happened. The inquest was adjourned to February 16 next year.

Footballer in sex and drugs alert PREMIER League footballer Titus on arrested was Bramble Wednesday over an alleged sex attack on a woman in the back of a taxi.

Bramble, 30, was held by officers in the early hours after the cab driver became concerned by the player’s behaviour towards his fellow passenger.

Instead of driving Bramble home, he took the pair straight to a nearby police station and alerted officers.

They then arrested the defender,

Daily Mail who earns £40,000 a week playing for Sunderland, on suspicion of sexual assault and possession of a Class A drug.

Bramble was released on police bail over the alleged attack in Yarm, North Yorkshire, and left the police station in a black Mercedes.

A source said: ‘He was in a nightclub on the high street until about 2.30am. He then left the club and got into a taxi with a girl.

‘The taxi driver was heading

towards Bramble’s home 15 miles away in Wynyard when he became concerned about what was happening in the back of his taxi. ‘‘He instead drove Bramble and the girl five miles to a nearby police station where he alerted officers to what was going on. ‘’They came out and then arrested him on suspicion of sexual assault. ‘’They also allegedly discovered a white powder and arrested him on suspicion of possessing a Class A drug. Tests are continuing to determine what the substance is.’’

Titus Bramble

Moat’s death was suicide, rules inquest CORNERED killer Raoul Moat committed suicide, an inquest jury decided on Tuesday afternoon.

Rampaging bouncer Moat blasted himself in the head with a sawn-off shotgun after blinding a PC and murdering his ex's new boyfriend.

Jurors returned a verdict of suicide following a three-week hearing at Newcastle Crown Court.

The Sun The Independent Police Complaints Commission also cleared officers of any wrongdoing.

Police fired shotgun Tasers at Moat as he prepared to kill himself in July last year — but the round had no effect on him, the court heard.

The inquest was told the cops' aim

was to incapacitate Moat, allowing officers to make an arrest.

The 37-year-old ex-doorman was surrounded by police marksmen and negotiators who for six hours tried to get him to surrender. But he was determined not to go back to prison.

Moat was on the run after shooting his ex-girlfriend Sam Stobbart, 23, and executing her new boyfriend

Chris Brown, 29, and then blinding PC David Rathband.

Officers, who raced to Rothbury, were offered and accepted X12 Taser shotguns which were only licensed for testing in the UK. Two were fired — one round hit his forearm, the other missed — and moments later he put a bullet through his brain.

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Friday, September 30, 2011

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

We’re lazy in anyone’s lingo AS a regular reader of "The Courier" on my visits to Costa Blanca I read, with interest, Donna Gee’s article entitled ‘Cor Limey, Where Did English Go?’ Whilst I have to admit to the occasional lapse into ‘Americanism,’ there are two other aspects of the writing of the English language that annoy me.

Firstly, it is text speak in the written format. I simply think it is a lazy way to write with all words condensed or even abbreviated to a few simple letters.

But what really annoys me is when a word of

perhaps only four letters is shortened, e.g. text shortened to txt.

And secondly, it is the way that any word that is made into a plural by adding ‘S’ is apostrophied.

This is very often seen on notices, advertisements and, being perfectly honest, as previously stated anywhere a plural is required.

If you do publish my comments I will not see it as I am back in Wales now after my latest trip.

But I thought I would get these annoyances of mine off my chest.

ROBERT OWEN

DONNA replies: I agree with you on every point, Robert, apart from the fact you won’t see this because you are back in Wales. The Courier is available online in its entirety every week, so you need never miss it - and I’ll be emailing you to explain why. For the information of other readers, just go to our website at www.thecourier.es and click on Latest Issue (top left). When the Front Page comes up, click on it once and miniature page will appear below. You can then turn the pages and read at your leisure. The new issue appears online every Thursday night,

Courier’s trolley folly made my blood boil

By former BA cabin crew member TRACY COOK

I AM writing to you with regard to your front page article headlined ‘Cheap and Fearful’ (Issue 31).

Although I agree with the context of your article regarding the treatment of the ‘cabin crew’ of Michael O'Leary’s airline Ryanair, I am totally horrified that you have referred to this poor girl as a ‘Trolley Dolly’ and imagine she is also feeling highly degraded with your remark.

I am so incensed with this statement as it is a totally derogatory to the hard-working girl you call Maria.

Cabin crew are NOT there to serve you drinks and food, albeit part of the service - which I have to say I doubt Ryanair even provide. They are there purely for your safety.

Cabin crew are highly-trained personnel in all aspects of aircraft safety - medical procedures, emergency landing procedures, both on land and in water, and aircraft decompression which I doubt as a reporter you know very little about.

What I would recommend is that you approach one of the airlines to have some familiarisation in this line of work as I feel next time your front page article would be written very differently.

I would suggest that your paper makes an official apol- might be a little outdated, it ogy on the front page, and has been doing the rounds not lost in the For Sale items for many years. or advertising.

Indeed, the relevant I would appreciate a entry in the Free Dictionary response to this email and (www.thefreedictionary. look forward to seeing the com) says simply: trolley official apology in Edition 32.. dolly (n) Informal - a female on the front page! flight attendant. Which is I would also suggest an precisely what Maria’s job apology to the person that is. you have called ‘Maria’.

There was no intention Looking forward to your on our part to offend anyreply.

SUE BUTLER one - apart perhaps from Ryanair. And I doubt We apologise for any Michael O’Leary would offence caused by the use of the term ‘trolley have minded the publicity dolly’, which was deliber- in any case!

For a genuine insider’s ately put in quotes to indicate that it is a colloquial- view on the expression ism rather than a serious ‘trolley dolly’, we spoke to description of Maria’s someone who actually did that job - ex-Bristolian work.

From the wording of her Tracy Cook of La Marina. letter, Ms Butler gives the Her views are printed impression that she thinks alongside - I hope it eases we invented the term but I your concerns. assure her that while it - EDITOR

l

I loved being called a trolley dolly!

Tracy Cook (right) with fellow BA cabin crew members and (below)in th engine room!

I USED to be a trolley dolly, oops I mean air hostess, no, I meant to say cabin crew for British Airways.

Boy, am I glad I’m no longer in the business.

It’s not the long hours, the rude customers, or the constantly not knowing what city you’re in that I’m relieved to see the back of, though.

The thing that really makes me happy I’m out of the game is that with all this political correctness, I’d have nightmares worrying how to describe myself!

The term ‘trolley dolly’ is one I personally love, and I don’t know any other trolley dollies that find it offensive.

I’ve certainly heard a lot worse.

Now, if the Courier article had described us as ‘flying mattresses’, I might have understood the letters of outrage – although I wouldn’t have cared – it’s a career that demands a sense of humour.

So, let’s get over all this PC nonsense and get back to how things used to be when I was cruising the skies 20 years ago.

So, tea, coffee or me, anyone?

Friday, September 30, 2011

Spanish HIV vaccine a cause for optimism A NEW experimental HIV vaccine being tested at Spanish hospitals has yielded good results at a Phase I clinical trial, offering some hope where most other drugs have failed.

Although Phase I, the lowest testing level, only establishes that the drug is not harmful, this is only the second time that an HIV vaccine has even reached this stage.

Work with MVA-B, so called because it is based on a virus called MVA, was conducted at the Gregorio Marañón Hospital in Madrid and the Clínic in Barcelona, where besides confirming that the drug was not harmful to volunteer patients' health, investigators were able

to study their immune response, which was described as promising.

One of the researchers, Juan Carlos López Bernaldo de Quirós, said that the drug's safety is "optimal" and "similar to other vaccines."

A research colleague, Felipe García, said that it was also "able to induce defenses" against the virus in 95 percent of the 24 patients, including antibodies and lymphocytes. Research director Mariano Esteban said that in the best of cases, Phase III could begin within five years. Their results were published in the Journal of Virology and Vaccine

Major heroin haul in Algeciras

THE second largest ever haul of heroin in Spanish history has been seized at the port in Algeciras, from a container which was on route to the Ivory Coast from Pakistan.

The consignment of heroin was found in three hundred cylinders, each weighing half a kilo, which had been hidden in the cargo of iron oxide powder.

The Agencia Tributaria Tax Authority had tracked the container until it arrived at the port, where it was searched on Wednesday.

There has been no announcement of any arrests in connection with the find as yet.

Spain’s biggest ever haul of heroin was in Sitges, Cataluña, three years ago, where more than 300 kilos were seized.

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SIX BUSINESSMEN ARRESTED IN SPEED FINE SCAM Six wealthy businessmen have been arrested in Granada for passing their speeding offences off onto innocent foreigners by falsely identifying them in the Guardia Civil's photos and thus avoiding paying the fines or having points removed from their own licences.

The six are accused of document forgery and misappropriation of another person's civil state. Four of the detainees falsely identified a young Moroccan man, wrongly implicating him in five offences, and the other two did the same with an Italian, who was wrongly implicated in 18 offences.

The investigation was opened after a Moroccan citizen filed a lawsuit in Spain after finding that his bank account had been embargoed and all the points had been removed on his driving license for offences that he could prove he did not commit as they occurred whilst he was working in Morocco. The victim of the scam even had to use up his holiday allowance to come to Granada to file the lawsuit.

When the police investigated the traffic offences the Moroccan man had supposedly done in Spain, they found that they all had one object in common - all the cars were owned by clients of the same law firm in Granada. When the notices of traffic offences arrived with the clients, four of them had falsely identified the same Moroccan man and gave the law firm's details as the address for further correspondence. The traffic police pursued the unpaid fine, placing an embargo on the man's bank account in Spain and removed points from his license.

As a result of the initial investigation, police found out another two businessmen in the Granada area who had falsely implicated the same Italian man in their traffic offences. It is believed that the latter was aware of the scam, having formerly done business with the two men.

However, the police were unable to place an embargo on the Italian's accounts in Spain or remove points from his permit, suggesting that the two Spaniards embroiled were using a Madrid-based legal firm as a middleman.

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Friday, September 30, 2011

20-MINUTE RECIPES BEAT the budget and the clock with these delicious mid-week meals. That’s shopping bag to plate in just 20 minutes.

Need fuss free, healthy, cheap and delicious recipes for that midweek meal? Look no further. These quick and easy recipes use a few flavourful ingredients and keep prep time to a minimum. What’s more they’re kind to the pocket, and can be ready in just 20 minutes.

Minimal prep, minimal cost and minimal washing up to boot.

BLOODY MARY BURGERS

350g dried spaghetti 450g small vine-ripened tomatoes, skinned 2 tbsp olive oil 3 fat garlic cloves, finely chopped 2 medium-hot red chillies, deseeded and finely chopped 1 bunch spring onions, trimmed and thinly sliced 450g cooked and peeled king prawns 20g fresh flatleaf parsley leaves, chopped

Ingredients 500g beef mince (not too lean) 1 very finely chopped onion 1 tbsp creamed horseradish 1 tsp cayenne pepper 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce 25g natural dried breadcrumbs 1 large free-range egg, beaten Burger buns, watercress, sliced tomatoes,mayonnaise and Tabasco sauce to serve

Method

Picchi-pacchi simply means a fresh, raw or barely cooked sauce, and it is a speciality from the island of Sicily

Ingredients

By taking the ingredients from a traditional Bloody Mary we've created these quick burgers with a real kick.

1. In a large bowl, mix together all the burger ingredients, then season. With damp hands, shape the mix into 4 evenly sized burgers.

2. Cook the burgers on a preheated griddle

PICCHI-PACCHI SPAGHETTI WITH PRAWNS AND CHILLI

Method or in a large non-stick frying pan for 5 minutes on each side until cooked through and nicely browned.

3. Serve in burger buns with the salad, mayonnaise and Tabasco.

1. Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil. Add the spaghetti and cook according to the packet instructions, until al dente.

2. Meanwhile, working over the sink, gently squeeze and burst the tomatoes to rid them of most of their seeds, then roughly chop.

3. Shortly before the spaghetti is ready, heat

the oil in a pan over a medium heat. Add the garlic and red chillies and sizzle gently for 1 minute. Add the spring onions and cook for another minute, then add the tomatoes and cook gently for 30 seconds, until just heated through but still holding their shape. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

4. Drain the spaghetti well and return to the pan. Add the tomato mixture, prawns and chopped parsley. Toss together and serve.

GREEK SALAD WITH MINT AND FRIED HALLOUM

This Greek salad recipe from Silvana Franco is bound to be a hit whether you're a veggie or not.

Ingredients 1 cucumber, peeled and cut into chunks 4 plum tomatoes, cut into chunks 100g kalamata olives 1 red onion, very thinly sliced ½ tsp dried oregano Small bunch of fresh mint, chopped Juice of ½ lime, plus wedges to serve 2 tbsp olive oil 200g halloumi, cut into 8 slices Plain flour for dusting

Method

1. In a bowl, toss together the cucumber, tomatoes, olives, onion, oregano, fresh mint, lime juice and 1 tbsp of the olive oil, then season well.

The salad can now be covered and chilled until ready to serve.

2. Divide the salad among plates. Heat the remaining oil in a non-stick frying pan over a medium-high heat.

3. Dust the halloumi slices lightly with flour, shake off any excess, then fry for a couple of minutes on each side until golden. Serve immediately, with the salad.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Five-spice chicken PASTA WITH skewers with PANCETTA, CHILLI speedy chow mein AND LEMON Try this super quick Chinese supper packed with spice. tried and tested Five-spice chicken skewers with speedy chow mein

Ingredients

A simple and satisfying easy pasta recipe for supper, jazzed up with a generous helping of hot red chillies

Ingredients 450g penne pasta 130g diced pancetta or 6 rashers streaky smoked bacon, diced 8 tbsp olive oil 1 garlic clove, crushed 3 red chillies, seeded and sliced Juice of 1 lemon Handful of chopped fresh parsley 50g Parmesan, grated, plus extra to serve

Method 2 tsp Chinese five-spice powder 3 tbsp hoisin sauce 2 tbsp tomato ketchup 400g free-range chicken breast, cut into chunks Bunch of spring onions 1 tbsp sunflower oil 300g fresh egg noodles 300g beansprouts 2 tbsp light soy sauce

Method 1. Preheat the grill. In a bowl, mix the five-spice powder, 2 tbsp hoisin sauce, the ketchup and chicken. Thread the chicken onto 8 skewers and grill for 15 minutes until cooked through, turning once or twice.

2. Meanwhile, thinly slice the spring onions and heat the oil in a wok.

3. Put the spring onions, noodles and beansprouts into the hot wok and stir-fry over a high heat for 4-5 minutes until heated through. Season with soy sauce and the remaining hoisin sauce and divide among 4 bowls. Serve each bowl with 2 chicken skewers.

1. Cook the penne in plenty of boiling salted water according to packet instructions.

2. Meanwhile, heat a large pan and dry fry the pancetta or bacon for 3-4 minutes until golden and beginning to crisp.

Add one tablespoon of the oil, the garlic and chilli and cook for 4-5 minutes until tender. Stir in the remaining oil and the lemon juice and season generously.

3. Drain the pasta very well, then add to the chilli and pancetta sauce. Add the parsley and Parmesan and toss well. Divide between four pasta bowls. Serve with extra grated Parmesan.

Wine Recommendation Wine note: An oaky Chardonnay will chime in well with the smokiness of the bacon.

Go for one from Australia or, more a p p r o p r i a t e l y, Chile.

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Friday, September 30, 2011

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Friday, September 30, 2011

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then.

Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Janet was having problems with her laptop not ADVICE: Paul wanted advice on how to grab YouTube turning off. video and edit it.

Q A

Hi Richard, My Samsung netbook is stuck. On screen "Please do not power off or unplug your machine. Installing 1 of 4" Tried Alt Control Delete with no

change.

Hi Janet. When you say "stuck" how long has it been sitting there? Ideally we wouldn’t want to turn off the computer if it were installing updates but if it’s been there for "hours" then you may not have any choice.

Updates can sometimes take a very long time to install so it's best to be patient, however if you do think that its crashed and you need to turn it off then you can press and hold the on/off button for around 5 seconds and your laptop will turn off.

Q A

Hi we're searching for a solution to a video capture, video crop/chop etc. my question is, how can I capture YouTube video and crop it. Your help please! Cheers, Paul

Hi Paul, what you need to do is "grab" the YouTube video first, there are a number of tools on the Internet that will allow you to do this, for example http://www.vidgrab.com will allow you to enter the YouTube address and download the video. Once you have the video you can use any video editing software (Windows Live Movie Maker is a free download) to crop and change what you want. Hope this helps.

ADVICE: Patricia wanted to know what Java was and ADVICE: Fred wants to know how to send bulk emails. whether she should update it.

Hi Richard. I have a new website and I want to email all my customers to tell them Hi Richard, I keep getting a message requesting Java to update, I have no idea what Java is, and do I need it? Can I get rid of it?

Q

Hi Patricia, Java is a small piece of software that runs on your computer and is used by a number of websites and other applications in order to make them quicker by using the power in your computer to do some of the processing (work) for them.

When you visit a website that requires Java, your computer uses the Java software installed on it to help display the page properly and yes you should update it. Java also is slang for coffee in the US ;-)

A

ADVICE: Linda had forgotten her Telefonica email password Hi Richard - Having a problem with connecting to my telefonica email address on my Mac. It is asking me for the password which I have forgotten - how do I log on to the web and get into the Telefonica website to read my mail? It should have a facility where you have forgotten the password and can solve the problem

Q A

Hi Linda, you can get into your Telefonica email online (or go through the lost password process at the following address http://tinyurl.com/telefonica-email

Q A

about it. The problem is that I don't want to cc all the addresses as it looks unprofessional. Is there a free programme out there that I can use to bulk email in one go that will send the emails to one person at a time.

Hi Fred, you’re right, sending emails to groups of people using the CC field it unprofessional as it displays the email addresses of everyone that the message is sent to, this is fine if it’s a joke you are forwarding to your friends but unprofessional in business and for the type of email you are describing (newsletters etc). But you don’t need additional software; you just need to use the BCC field in your email client. You don’t mention which email client you are using but you should be able to find it easily enough. Just place the email addresses in the BCC field and then, to everyone receiving the email, it will look as if they are the only person to receive the message – the other email addresses will be hidden.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

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Friday, September 30, 2011

SCOT AND

Robinson’s boys don’t have it up front to beat England

Friday, September 30, 2011

BOTHERED IF Scotland don’t beat England in Auckland tomorrow (Saturday), they’ll be on their way home before the knockout stages even begin.

And I don't believe they have the firepower up front to take on the Auld Enemy in the forward exchanges, where games are pretty much won and lost.

Should the unthinkable happen and Andy Robinson's men turn the men in white over, the Scots could still miss out on qualification for the quarter finals.

They will require the bonus point to make sure and considering that England's rock-solid defence has only conceded one try, Robinson will need more than a miracle to stay in the tour-

nament. For me, it’s England to progress as Pool B winners – and with maximum points into the bargain.

Argentina have the same 10-point tally as Scotland but have a far easier outing against Georgia, who put in a massive display in midweek to beat Romania.

Do these plucky Georgians have the energy to challenge a much fresher Argentinian side only four days later? I doubt it.

Teams like Georgia have excelled in this competition but cannot continue to play on adrenalin alone.

The Pumas will be too strong …but then, after finishing runners-up to England, they’ll face the ultimate test.

A clash with favourites New Zealand in the quarter-finals.

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Friday, September 30, 2011

HOT GOSSIP Breaking news from TKO Media Group!!! The Ultimate Drive´s new Presenter Rachel, behind the wheel..!´ A fantastic mix of music while you’re driving home with Rachel. If you like your classic hits, back to the 80s 90s and Naughty´s also chart music, join Rachel every night between 5pm and 8pm, Monday to Friday on TKOfm´s Ultimate Drive show. Why not Let Rachel do the driving while you relax on that drive home.

Rachel has been with us for 4 years and has covered most shows both on TKO fm and TKO Gold. And now it is her turn to take the controls on her own weekday show.

Tune in every evening, for laughs and shenanigans Monday to Friday and get your choons on by calling The Martini Girl from anywhere anytime and any

place! On 667 287 588 or email studio@tkofm.com or Facebook Rachel on TKOfm2010 You’ve heard the rest, now join the best, Rachel Angus on The Ultimate Drive!

VooDoos The VooDoos are a 5 piece rock band who formed together in 2010 on the Costa Blanca. The guys started performing as a cover band and were quick to get a following from Spanish locals and tourists from all over the world, predominantly Ireland and England.

Taking influences from a wide range of artists such as the Foo Fighters, Kings of Leon, Counting Crows, Led Zeplin and many more. The VooDoos found the creative streak that was needed to take their careers in music to another level. The band began writing songs and slipping them into their performances. Soon after their first original songs were heard, the VooDoos were performing on local TV and radio and were also the main attraction for many music festivals around the Costa Blanca.

Their music is described as ´Raw and Energetic¨ and when Radiohead manag-

Doris Day Post-war Hollywood star Doris Day is making a musical comeback - at the age of 87.

The actress and singer has not appeared in a film since 1968 and her last album (a greatest hits compilation) came out in 1994. She is now best known for her work as an animal rights campaigner.

But her latest offering as a singer, My Heart, is a compilation of unreleased songs produced by her only son Terry Melcher, who died in 1994 aged 62. He was influential in the west coast music scene of the 1960s, working with The Byrds and Beach Boys, and the selection of tunes on the album may surprise those who associate Day with songs like Que Sera, Sera and Move Over Darling. Included on the new record are a version of Joe Cocker's You Are So Beautiful and the Beach Boys' Disney Girls.

Many of the songs were first recorded

in the 1980s for her short lived TV show, but never saw the light of day.

They were subsequently remastered

by Melcher before he died, but were gathering dust before Sony approached her about releasing a new album.

"I was asked to choose the songs I preferred for the album. These are the tunes that reflect my love of animals and my love for my son," she said.

In her heyday Doris Day was one of the

biggest stars on the planet and appeared in more than 30 films including Oscar-winning Calamity Jane in 1953. She later teamed up with Rock Hudson for a series of romantic comedies including Pillow Talk, for which she was nominated for the Best Actress Oscar. She was also nominated for five Golden Globes for films including Midnight Lace and Tunnel of Love. In 1967 she turned down the role of Mrs Robinson in The Graduate, which eventually went to Anne Bancroft, on "moral grounds", and quit films a year later.

Her album has already been put on the Radio 2 playlist and seems sure to climb the charts, 66 years after her debut hit Sentimental Journey was released. But she will not be the first elderly singer to have a successful comeback. In 2009, Dame Vera Lynn became the oldest woman to top the UK charts, at the age of 92.

er Brian Message spotted them at a gig in Spain, that’s exactly what they noticed. Message was quick to take the boys over to the studios in Oxfordshire, where they recorded a demo with Producer Ian Davenport, who worked with the likes of The Stereophonics.

Since January, the VooDoos have been focusing on their first album, touring Ireland and the USA supporting Queensryche! And are now back on the Costa Blanca performing an exclusive gig on Friday 7th October in the Playa Flamenca Commercial Centre!! They are defiantly a band not to be missed.

Mark Daly, lead singer from the VooDoo´s will be interviewed on Davy Jones´show next Thursday.

Lets see if you can win youself a TOP mystery prize from Lumsden Auctions POP QUIZ September 30 Welcome to the famous TKO Gold pop quiz! We sure did have some fun with last week’s questions. Let´s see if you can win yourself a meal for two at Quesada fish and chips.

All you have to do is take the first letter from each answer to find the name of a band or artist. Once you have found the key word listen in to Chris Ashley´s show on TKO Gold, Saturday mornings 9am – 12pm

1. Status Quo went down this in song.

2. Martin Fry was lead singer with this group.

3, They were in the navy in 1979.

4. In West End Girls what were the boys.

5. What do Patsy Cline & Aerosmith have in common musically.

6. What type of bed did Matt Bianco advise you to vacate.

7. Who visited Pure Shores in 2000.

8. He was a Travelling Man with Mary Lou in the 60s.

9. This lady loved Love Letters straight from your heart.

10. What time in the morning did Faron Young moan about.

11. Australian born Johnny Logan sang for which country in the Eurovision Song Contest.

12. Both the Zutons & Stevie Winwood waxed lyrical about this lass.

13. He really did not want to go to Chelsea in 1978.

Friday, September 30, 2011

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Friday, September 30, 2011

Most basic cars ever made These days, we're spoilt rotten. Even the cheapest and most basic cars on sale now have air conditioning, electric windows and CD players. But it wasn't always like this. From post-war austerity to just keeping it simple, here are our top 10 cars which did without stuff.

consisted of rubber cones) and door handles (just wire pulls instead). The Moke was even more basic: a fabric roof but no side screens, just one seat, a single wiper and just one paint option - army surplus-style Spruce Green.

AMC Gremlin

Ford Popular 103E seats, a roll-up canvas boot lid and a single wiper that worked on the speedometer, so it slowed to a stop as the car did. And all 2CVs made do with just two springs to suspend all four wheels.

Welcome to the car with no name, no brand and no badge. In 2001 the Japanese retailer Muji (which means 'no name' in Japanese) got Nissan to supply it with 1000 examples of the Micra with no badging at all. Sold through Muji's website, it had a very basic spec, including unpainted bumpers and just one colour choice - white.

Moke Alex Issigonis famously didn't like radios, so when he designed the Mini, there wasn't The whole idea of the Ford Popular 103E, made from 1953 to 1959, was to keep its price down below ÂŁ500. That meant no frills whatsoever: there was just one vacuumoperated wiper, no heater, no boot floor, tiny headlamps and painted bumpers instead of chrome ones. Just four paint colours were offered, there was only one brake light and there were no indicators at all.

Americans really don't do basic. But if there's one US car which epitomises the pared-to-the-bone approach, it's the AMC Gremlin. In 1970, the entry-level price was a mere $1879, achieved by fitting the car with rubber floor mats, a bench front seat and no back seats at all. If you wanted rear seats, you had to pay an extra $116!

P50

Rytecraft Scootacar

2CV Jasper Carrott's joke about the 2CV was that it had central locking -just stretch your arm out and you could lock all the doors. Early 2CVs were ultra-basic, with hammock-style

Muji

OK, so Peel gave you a roof to protect you from the elements in its 1962 P50 - the world's smallest ever car - but you didn't get a reverse gear. Instead, Peel thoughtfully provided you with a handle on the rump for manhandling the car into parking spaces.

even a space to fit one. Other items missing from the basic 1959 Mini were a heater, carpet, screen washers, springs (its suspension

Atom

Essentially a dodgem car fitted with an engine to make it usable on the road, the 1934 Rytecraft Scootacar could barely even be described as a car. It had no suspension at all, relying on the rubber in its tyres to provide shock absorption. It also had just one gear and a single pedal that acted as both accelerator and brake.

Smart Crossblade

If you think the Caterham 7 takes no-frills to extremes, the Atom is sub-zero in the equipment stakes: no side bodywork, no windscreen, no opening panels and bare plastic seats. There's not even an ignition key - just a starter button.

The Buckboard The Buckboard is probably the most basic car ever made: some planks of wood joined together, fitted with bicycle wheels and an engine slung out the back to make it all go.

Thousands were sold in the USA right up until the 1960s.

You had to admire Smart's chutzpah when it launched the Crossblade in 2002. It removed the doors, roof and windscreen from the regular Smart - and charged twice as much for it. This remains the only car in which I have been stung by nettles whilst driving.

Doh!!

29

Friday, September 30, 2011

Extravagant celebrity car gifts Don't know about you, but the biggest car gift I ever got was a Matchbox toy for my birthday. If I was lucky.

Lucky doesn't even begin to describe the extravagance of the car gifts that A-list celebrities regularly splurge on each other.

From the £1.2 million Bugatti that Beyonce gave to Jay-Z, to the £300,000 Maybach that P Diddy handed over to his 16-year-old son, nothing says 'I love you' as sincerely as the keys to a flashy car.

Just to balance things up, we've also listed the second-hand car given to Miley Cyrus by her mum and the, ahem, Peugeot 207 given away by JLS singer Aston Merrygold.

Welcome to the 12 greatest ever celebrity car gift blow-outs.

Peter Sellers famously presented his wife, Britt Ekland, a luxury Mini converted by Radford in 1965. He drove it out of a giant birthday cake before handing it over.

Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost Lavish airhead Kim Kardashian splashed out $250,000 on a Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost

But when the couple split up in 2004, she handed the car back to him.

Porsche Cayenne

Maybach

Nick Cannon bought his wife Mariah Carey a Porsche Cayenne for her 40th birthday. Not

Bugatti Veyron as a present to herself when she turned 30 in 2010. Very much a case of 'flaunt it'.

Peugeot 207

The mother of all car gifts has to be Beyonce's happy 41st birthday gift to husband Jay-Z in 2010: a Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport (the open-roof version of the world's greatest supercar).

The bill? No less than £1.2 million.

What car did you get to learn to drive in? Bet it wasn't a £300,000 Maybach like P Diddy bought for his son Justin Dior Combs on his 16th birthday.

Brawn BGP 001

Maserati Quattroporte In 2010 Adam Sandler bought the cast of Grown-Ups - David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James and Rob Schneider - a

Maserati Quattroporte each at a total cost of around £550,000.

Spade later told the media he was too embarrassed to drive his.

Bentley Continental GT Nothing like giving yourself a present, is there? Paris Hilton treated herself to a pink Bentley as a Christmas prezzie, worth

around £150,000.

As if Paris's life didn't resemble a cartoon enough already...

Rolls-Royce Phantom Ben Affleck splashed out a cool £250,000 on a Rolls-Royce Phantom for Jennifer Lopez for her 33rd birthday present.

Doh2!!

Jenson Button was given a 2009 Brawn BGP 001 F1 car by Mercedes-Benz - but only after taking legal action against the company.

Mercedes had promised to give Button the car if he won the F1 title - which he did - but then unsuccessfully tried to avoid handing the car over. A title-winning F1 car is probably worth well over £1 million.

Range Rover Tiny teen idol Justin Bieber received a brand new Range Rover for his 16th birthday from

his manager/mentor, Usher. Bieber didn't even have a driver's licence at the time.

Chevrolet Impala After shooting on the film 'Streets Of Blood' ended in 2008, rapper 50 Cent gave Val Kilmer his pimped 1965 Chevrolet Impala worth around £70,000 ($100,000).

just any Cayenne though: it was painted in unique 'Mariah Carey Pink' with 22-inch pink wheels and a pink cabin. Nice.

Mini

A Peugeot 207 may not be on the same level of extravagance as the Hollywood A-list metal on this list, but as a Christmas present for a 17-year-old it's still not bad.

JLS singer Aston Merrygold bought his younger brother a 207 for Christmas 2009.

30

Friday, September 30, 2011

Karen Phillips came to Spain to retire. Instead, she

BEAUTY AND

WHEN it comes to experience, few people can compete with Karen Phillips in terms of life or business.

With three husbands and seven successful salons tucked away in her career portfolio, the award-winning beautician from Worcestershire has few peers in either her chosen profession or the marriage stakes.

And don’t be fooled by Karen’s quiet, refined nature, because behind the cool exterior lies an unexpectedly wild past. ‘’I was a terrible rebel as a youngster,’’ she recalls with a laugh. ‘’I came from a middle-class background but I hated school and basically I went off the rails. ‘’I was into everything from drink and drugs to under-age sex. You name it, I did it. My parents even sent me away to a posh finishing school for young ladies in Malvern. It was like going to prison for a year – but I was so far gone that they gave up on me!’’

She grew up on drink, drugs and under-age sex

dozen increasingly successful ventures which made Karen’s name synonymous However, unlike James with the beauty business in Dean in the cult 1965 film, the town. this rebel did find a cause.

So great became her repu‘‘My family always had the tation and status, that when work ethic that you only get she headed for warmer out of life what you put into climes on medical advice folit,’’ she says. ‘‘And I was no lowing two collapsed spinal different.’’ discs, a couple of titanium Ethics girl Karen proceed- implants and a £10,000 bill, ed to learn the beauty busi- no one in Droitwich had the ness the hard way – in an era charisma to replace her. where trainees developed She reluctantly closed their professional skills by down salon No.6, stored her practising often painful treat- equipment in her mother’s ments on each other. garage an .headed for the And by the age of 19, the Costa Blanca with her third Birmingham-born entrepre- husband. neur was running her own The plan was to retire, salon in her adopted home of even though she was still Droitwich. only in her mid-40s. But It was the first of half a when hubby No.3 joined his

By DONNA GEE

predecessors on the scrapheap six months later, Karen sold her house near Pilar de la Horadada, moved to Cabo Roig and started working again, this time from home.

An ‘interesting’ period followed during which she commuted to a Quesada salon,

was appointed manageress within weeks and promptly advised the owner she needed to make big changes for the business to succeed.

Her reward was the sack two days before Santa was due to open his.

But the Phillips business spark had been reignited and, armed with a growing reputation and a clairvoyant’s prediction that she would have her own successful salon in the area, Karen went to see an existing salon that was up for sale in Pueblo Bravo.

One look was enough. ‘‘I had never even heard of Pueblo Bravo’’ she recalls. ‘’But I fell in love with the place at first sight. It had everything I needed, from

tables and chair, to sofas and plants. ‘’I struggled to scrape enough money together and even sold my jewellery - but two weeks later I bought the lease. I honestly didn’t think it could fail.’’

This was dramatically proved in March 2010, when the Karen Phillips Beauty Clinic opened with a champagne reception …and 250 people queued to join in the celebrations.

It was a momentous occasion for Karen, the inauguration of a luxurious Spanish salon for the one-time cripple who came to the Costas to retire.

The big day also revived memories of a less auspicious occasion – when the

31

Friday, September 30, 2011

found her career taking off again

THE BEST! - but this teenage rebel had a cause

opening of her second Droitwich made Front Page headlines. ‘’An hour before the big moment I was moving a bookcase when a shelf fell on my foot,’’ Karen recalls with a grimace. ‘’I tried to carry on but the pain and swelling was so bad that I had to go to hospital and have the nail lanced with a red-hot needle to relieve the pressure. ‘’The local newspaper ran the story right across the front page – it was the best publicity I ever had!’’

Karen is particularly close to her son Edward, 26, who followed her to Spain and now lives in Cabo Roig. ‘’I don’t think they ever cut the umbilical cord,’’ she jokes.

Her relationship with daughter Samantha, 22 – who has a degree in graphic design - is not quite so intense. But mum insists: ‘‘Although I am generally very unmaternal, I am close to my own kids.’’

These days the rebel with a cause has become, in her own words, ‘’a bit of a loner’’.

She confides: ‘‘At the salon, we try to make people feel welcome – but when I go home, it’s just me, my cocker spaniel Benji and my tabby cat Gissy. ‘‘I don’t have much of a social life – and that’s by choice. A fourth husband?

Well, you never say never but at present there’s only one man in my life. ‘‘And that’s Benji’’.

TAKING CARE OF YOUR BACK THE most frequent physical complaint among people over 40 today concerns the various areas of the back and spine. If you stop a moment and think about it, you will quickly realise that the back is confined to very few positions, and in many cases is actually frozen in one position for prolonged periods of time.

Of course such rigid positions will result in stress, creating pressure on delicate areas of the back and spine. This pressure leads to tension, causing nervousness, strain, irritation, fatigue and weakness, in general affecting us physically, emotionally and mentally. But these three aspects of your being are so interrelated that what affects one has a corresponding effect on the other.

UNSURPRISINGLY, IF YOU CAN RELAX PHYSICALLY, YOU SIMULTANEOUSLY ACHIEVE EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL CALM. There is a saying ‘’ you are as young as your spine is flexible’’. The spine acts as a communications system and controls many functions of the body and mind. It is able to release energy within the body and promote alertness and clarity of the brain. It has been known for many centuries that the spine must remain supple and flexible throughout life if you are to experience true health. A stiffening spine is a sign of approaching old age, regardless of years, whereas a flexible supple spine is a major characteristic of youth.

Benji - he’s the only man in my life, says Karen

Clear blemishes naturally

Are skin blemishes bringing you down? Learn why the natural approach to clearing blemishes is the best approach.

A majority of individuals 12 to 24 years of age suffer from acne, with some estimates as high as 90 percent. Acne also affects an older demographic, with an estimated 50 percent of adult women and 40 percent of adult men suffering from it at some point in their lives.

promote clear, healthy skin.

Tea tree (Melaleuca alternifolia) Powerful antiseptic and antibacterial properties to help clear blemishes.

Effective at relieving acne Willow bark (Salix alba) Natural source of salicylic acid, a common ingredient in over-the-counter blemish-fighting products.

Helps remove dead skin tissue, debris, and toxins; unclogs pores; and provides a mild drying effect that can benefit those with oily skin.

Healthy lifestyle Hormonal activity, nutrition, and internal health can contribute to the formation of blemishes.

A natural approach to clearing acneprone skin starts with making healthy lifestyle adjustments such as exercising regularly, meditating, practising yoga, eating a balanced diet with plenty of water, and, of course, getting adequate sleep.

Balance skin

Follow with a spot blemish treatment.

Additionally, exfoliate regularly to prevent buildup of old skin cells and stimulate new cell growth.

Because blemishes can also be the result of excessive bacterial activity, be sure to cleanse skin two to three times a day with a gentle antibacterial cleanser.

Moisturize with a product formulated to balance yet hydrate the skin.

Breakouts do not occur because of excess moisture supplied to the skin through a facial moisturizer; rather they are a result of skin that is not balanced.

To help clear blemishes without side effects, reduce redness, and calm and balance skin, it is essential to look for skin care products that are rich in gentle yet effective herbs.

Traditionally used for medicinal purposes, herbs such as tea tree, willow bark, rosewood, lavender, and camomile are powerful natural actives that can help

How herbs can help

Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia) Contains astringent and antibacterial properties to help fight problem skin conditions such as blemishes.

Helps reduce redness and irritation and calm skin.

Rosewood (Aniba rosaeodora) May help reduce sebum production, stimulate new skin cell growth, and balance skin.

Traditionally used as both an antiseptic and an astringent.

Camomile (Matricaria recutita) Anti-inflammatory properties help reduce dryness, redness, sensitivity, and irritation.

Soothing effect helps diminish skin discomfort.

Your back is defined by the vertebral column which gives it shape, provides support for your head and trunk, as well as allowing for a great deal of flexibility and movement. The upper back is very limited in movement because of the attachment of the ribcage, and is readily prone to stiffness, tension and cramps.

The lower back is a lot freer, and allows for more movement. Because of the way the back is structured, it must stretch often during the day to be in shape.

THE LEG PULL EXERCISE This simple stretching exercise if done daily will go a long way towards loosening the tension on your legs and spine. It also helps release endorphins, the feel good hormone, into the body.

Sit on the floor or an exercise mat, with your legs stretched out before you, and your feet together. Sit erect but relaxed and rest your hands on your knees.

Slowly and gracefully raise your arms in front of you.

Bring your arms up and lean backward several inches. This movement helps strengthen the abdominal muscles. Slowly and gracefully bring your arms over and lean forward. Take a firm hold on your knees and calves. Gently pull your trunk downward as far as you can without strain, with your elbows bending outward.

Let your neck go limp. Hold this position for a count of 5 and then slide your hands farther down your legs, and attempt to hold your ankles firmly. Gently pull your trunk downward as before, bending the elbows outward. Rest your forehead close to your knees if possible. Relax the muscles as much as possible, and hold for five seconds. Then slowly straighten up into start position.

For questions or to request more FREE INFORMATION, contact Dr. Machi Mannu, Email: contact@mindspa.es, www.mindspa.es.

32

Friday, September 30, 2011

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week's puzzle, 17 represents B and 10 represents Z, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Dwells (5) 4 Shout (5) 8 Set free (7) 9 Public square (5) 10 Centre (5) 11 Germ-free (7) 12 Bowman (6) 14 Overindulged (6) 17 Scuttle (7) 19 Vends (5) 21 Fool (5) 22 Cheat (7) 23 Gripping instrument (5) 24 Lament (5)

Last weeks Solution

Down 1 Naked (8,4) 2 Greek letter (5) 3 Surprise (7) 4 Board game (5) 5 Sufficient (5) 6 Dealing (7) 7 Small items used in sewing (12) 13 Two-wheeled vehicle (7) 15 Encourage (7) 16 Emergency (6) 18 Metal spike (5) 20 Shelf (5)

Across: 1 Starch, 4 Plates, 9 Capsule, 10 Scale, 11 Reeds, 12 Carpets, 13 Ear, 14 Dates, 16 Basis, 18 Per, 19 Scarlet, 21 Eager, 23 Oiled, 24 Outside, 25 Earned, 26 Verses.

Down: 1 Secured, 2 Apple, 3 Courses, 5 Loser, 6 Travels, 7 Steps, 8 Description, 15 Trailer, 16 Breathe, 17 Streets, 19 Stove, 20 Lodge, 22 Grins.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Given the wrong impression but smiled anyway (6) 4 Money for rum puree (5) 8 Out of tune harps are incisive (5) 9 Hide it in South East Crete (7) 10 Former tenant about end of time limit (7) 11 Police department reveals surrender (4) 12/18 Extremely unconventional exit (3,3) 14 It never ceases to amaze us about the legends surrounding the greatest of Greek Gods (4) 15 Sign me on outside (4) 18 See 12 21/4D Running battle?

(4,4) 23 Finished a bishop’s domain, boss (7) 25 Stop ale being distributed to one with a mission (7) 26 It’s so silly the way Ian points (5) 27 She and the Queen are fine (5) 28 Hate can be tested (6) STANDARD CLUES

Across 1 Deceived (6) 4 Indian currency (5) 8 Pointed (5) 9 Conceal (7) 10 Intense (7) 11 Surrender (4) 12/18 Exit (3,3) 14 Greek god (4) 15 Warning (4) 18 See 12 21/4D Armaments competition between nations (4,4) 23 Supervise (7) 25 Disciple (7) 26 Senseless (5) 27 Utter (5) 28 Hate (6)

Down 1 The common people in the services (6) 2 Begin the French surprise (7) 3 Two-point reporters love strong coffee (8) 4 See 21 Across 5 It’s reported that no war is just a part of it (5) 6 Level with the Spanish team (6) 7 That’s how we like the gardens - disordered (5) 13 Moist eye resulting from a national park in California (8) 16 Nearness somehow loses its point and that’s the catch (7) 17 Dress rehearsal adsorbed in Caesar and Waldorf (6) 19 Add ‘em up quickly to get a kind of pole (5) 20 Give in about fast time (6) 22 Bridge players under low deer (5) 24 Vermin return to play the lead (4)

Down 1 Heap (6) 2 Surprise (7) 3 Strong black coffee (8) 4 See 21 Across 5 Fragment (5) 6 Number in football team (6) 7 Lopsided (5) 13 Californian National Park (8) 16 Tap (7) 17 Cold dishes (6) 19 Charm (5) 20 Give in (6) 22 European elk (5) 24 Asteroid (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Amass, 4 Sevens, 9 Surpass, 10 Class, 11 Stew, 12 Air base, 13 Can, 14 Boil, 16 Obey, 18 Rat, 20 Rat race, 21 Tame, 24 Plaza, 25 Awesome, 26 Settee, 27 Tress.

Down: 1 Assess, 2 Agree, 3 Stay, 5 Escargot, 6 Emanate, 7 Sister, 8 Asian, 13 Cleavage, 15 Outcast, 17 Gripes, 18 Relay, 19 Recess, 22 Adore, 23 Dent.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Ads All Ass Ate Awl Cob Coo Cot Cox Dab Dip Ell Era Eta Gun Hub Jam

Jet Lad Law Lay Lea Lei Mac Neo Rag Ram Res Rib She Shy Ten Tum Yob

4 letter words Seas Alum Soar Bare Soda Bear 5 letter words Boot Abbey Care Balsa Coat Cameo Deal Ether Dean 7 letter words Elan Breeder Gate Capable Hate Nemesis Hour Relaxed Lode 9 letter words Loot Bagatelle Lute Cameraman Oath Schematic Sari Sidelined

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Cinturón (4) 4 Carnes (5) 9 Anchor (5) 10 Ruibarbo (7) 11 Tile (floor) (7) 12 Channel (watercourse, television) (5) 13 Listo (inteligente) (6) 15 Más blando (madera, agua) (6) 18 Regla (instrumento) (5) 20 Desnudar (persona) (7) 23 Motores (7) 24 Saint (5) 25 Tiendas (5) 26 Jabón (4)

Down 2 Plug (electrical) (7) 3 Suit (for man) (5) 4 Blackbirds (6) 5 Advertisement (7) 6 España (5) 7 Fairy (4) 8 To abolish (6) 13 Prison (place) (6) 14 Erroneous (7) 16 Thirty (7) 17 Huéspedes (en casa, hotel) (6) 19 Lakes (5) 21 Escritorios (muebles) (5) 22 Nieve (meteorológico) (4)

33

Friday, September 30, 2011 Across 1/11 Which fictional detective has been portrayed on film by Basil Rathbone and on television by Jeremy Brett and Benedict Cumberbatch? (8,6) 7 Which venomous snake with large hinged fangs, typically has a broad head and stout body, with dark patterns on a lighter background? (5) 8 Who was the lead singer of 1980s pop group Culture Club?

(3,6) 9 From the Latin, from ‘and the rest’, which adverb is used at the end of a list to indicate that further, similar items are included?

(3) 10 Which one of the five Great Lakes of North America is situated on the border between Canada and the US? (4) 11 See 1 13 What name is given to a small boat of a kind used in the Far East, typically with an oar or oars at the stern? (6) 14 Which desert-dwelling rodent with very long hind legs that enable it to walk upright and perform long jumps, is found from North Africa to central Asia? (6) 17 What is the state capital of New York? (6) 18 Derived from the Latin for ‘to swallow’, which word means ‘an excessively abundant supply of something’? (4) 20 Which alcoholic spirit is distilled from sugar-cane residues or molasses? (3) 22 Which actor starred opposite Paul Newman in the 1986 film The Color of Money? (3,6) 23 What names are given to the hinge joints that are formed by the meeting of the thigh bone (femur) and the larger bone (tibia) of the lower leg? (5) 24 See 13 Down Down 1 Which graceful carnivore of the weasel family, Mustelidae, is

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

found in the forests of northern Asia and is highly valued for its fine fur? (5) 2 In Greek mythology, what was the name of the place at the ends of the Earth to which certain favoured heroes were conveyed by the gods after death? (7)

3 In law, what name is given to a right to keep possession of property belonging to another person until a debt owed by that person is discharged? (4) 4 What name is given to the movable indicator on a computer screen identifying the point that will be affected by input from the user? (6) 5 Which town in NW Belgium, near the border with France, was the scene of some of the bitterest fighting of the First World War? (5) 6 Which fictional vampire first appeared in an 1897 gothic horror novel by the Irish author Bram Stoker? (7) 7 Jan who was a 17th century Dutch painter who generally painted domestic genre scenes, such as The Kitchen-Maid? (7) 12 In chess, what names are given to openings in which a player makes a sacrifice, typically of a pawn, for the sake of some compensating advantage? (7) 13/24 Which undercover cops were played on television in the 1970s by Paul Michael Glaser and David Soul and on film in 2004 by Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson? (7,3,5) 15 In which 1968 movie does Steve McQueen play a San Francisco detective who conceals the death of an underground witness in his charge and goes off after the killers himself? (7) 16 What is the name of the projecting piece on a sundial that shows the time by the position of its shadow? (6) 17 Which hard translucent fossilised resin originating from extinct coniferous trees of the Tertiary period, is typically yellowish in colour? (5) 19 Which bony enamel-coated structures in the jaws of most vertebrates are used for biting and chewing? (5) 21 What name is given to a curved symmetrical structure spanning an opening and typically supporting the weight of a bridge, roof, or wall above it? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH UTENSILOS DE COCINA - KITCHEN UTENSILS Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

1. Who or what was Skippy ( on TV )?

2. Who is Benjamin Kubelsky, the comedian, better known as?

3. In the TV show Bonanza, what was Hoss Cartwright's characters first name?

4. Sam Barraclough owned which film star?

5. What was Fonzie's favourite magazine?

6. Shirley Schrift became famous using what stage name?

7. Bombardier Billy Wells was seen on many Rank films - why?

8. Who was the first actor to appear on cover of Time magazine?

9. What is Homer Simpson's middle name?

10. Who played 'Pink' in the movie 'The Wall'?

11. Which TV show did 44 million Americans watch, while only 27 million watched Eisenhower being sworn in?

12. What film won the best picture Oscar in 1967?

13. What was the first 'Carry On' film?

1. The Bush Kangaroo 2. Jack Benny 3. Eric 4. Lassie 5.

Hot Rod 6. Shelly Winters 7. Hit Gong 8. Charlie Chaplin 9. Jay 10. Bob Geldorf 11. I Love Lucy 12. In the heat of the night 13. Carry on Sergeant

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 1 Shrapnel, 7 China, 8 Costa Rica, 9 DNA, 10 Sari, 11 Karate, 13 Temple, 14 Markka, 18 Opus, 20 Gnu, 22/17 Petrified Forest, 23 Eagle, 24 Pentagon.

Down: 1 Sachs, 2 Rostrum, 3 Pear, 4 Elijah, 5 Wilde, 6 Jamaica, 7 Caravan, 12 Old rope, 13 Trigger, 15 Kipling, 16 Tsetse, 17 Fudge, 19 Sedan, 21 Fiat.

A B S WV P O P DF OA I P A Z A UI NT S I E I L Z L A S DC T A UP A NA D S MU C A D A P QRB B S L OE E CE CA A CR UX T S UOB D MI N T R I T U ME L T A L OR B S A T A T A P H R A L MI R E V J V F A DRH S K NF P X Y J Soduko

L J A E A D A U A R E A Z V I

17. almirez, 18. picador, 19. triturador, 20. cortapastas. a. mincer, b. grater, c. moulds, d. pizza cutter, e. sharpening steel, f. squeezer, g. whisk, h. press, i. mortar,

A R V WT R L A K A RO RL B A OD CL GL DI A A T L I M DDT OT I Y ORHA R T RRQB P R R A J MX A DOROE CA CCL T L E P V DB OCY UE B QT S HS M MX P I L N Span - Eng

j. pot, k. chopping board, l. tongs, m. saucepan, n. tray, o. jug, p. salad bowl, q. potato peeler, r. scales, s. ladle, t. masher, 1e,2b,3f,4o,5r,6g, Answers: 7c,8n,9s,10t,11l,12m,13j,14p,15 q,16k,17i,18a,19h,20d.

movies/tv QUIZ

1. afilador, 2. rallador, 3. exprimidor, 4. jarra, 5. bascula, 6. batidor, 7. moldes, 8. bandeja, 9. cazo, 10. pasapure, 11. pinzas, 12. cacerola, 13. olla, 14. ensaladera, 15. pelapatatas, 16. tabla-de-cortar,

AFILADOR

MOLDES

ALMIREZ

OLLA

BANDEJA

PASAPURE

BASCULA

PELAPATATAS

BATIDOR

PICADOR

CACEROLA

PINZAS

CAZO

RALLADOR

CORTAPASTAS TABLA-DE-CORENSALADERA

TAR

EXPRIMIDOR

TRITURADOR

JARRA Quizword

Fill It In

34

Friday, September 30, 2011

Horoscopes

By Pandora Aries March 21 - April 19 Breaking bad news to someone today may break your heart, but please remember to wash the blood off your hands before hand. Your lucky drink for today is: Coke.

My friend Is too dominant

Taurus April 20 - May 20 If you're missing an element to your life, why not choose tin? God is very much a vengeful god, so watch out for falling pianos. (God is also a 'Laurel and Hardy' fan.)

Dear Rose, I am writing to you about a problem I have with a girl I was introduced to by another friend.

We became friends and although she is not the type of person I would normally have chosen myself, we seem to be OK together.

The problem is that she is very domineering and very outspoken.

She rings me when she does not have anyone else to go out with and makes me feel guilty if I do not want to do what she wants.

I am supposed to be going away with her for a few days soon and now do not want to go but am too much of a coward to tell her. What is your advice?

Gemini May 21 - June 20 Next time you walk past a 'Hogs Head' pub, go inside and order a drink. Great things will happen there. The good and the great come together today and miss you entirely during all their endeavours. Which is a bit sad, really. The right moment could grab you at any moment.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 A trip to the doctors should quell any anxiety you have about being a pair of curtains, although his diagnosis may be less than helpful. The sun doesn't wear a hat, and it's probably not a good idea to play with it.

an offer. At the moment we are in limbo and it is If you have a problem Romany really upsetting me. My Rose can help you with, email husband is a grumpy so her at office@thecourier.es and so and I still want to enjoy my life as I am only ble. In the meantime - ing so jealous. What can I 64 and happy to be alive! chin up! do?

What can I do?

MARIA, LA ZENIA SHELLY, SAN LUIS. PAT, CAMPOVERDE. Dear Maria. I am Dear Shelly. No I do sorry that you feel not think you are this way. This is not Dear Pat. I am so Dear Rose. I hope my what you need now sorry to hear about problem does not sound stupid at all. It is very when you have come your situation. I realise too stupid to you but it hard to have such a gorgeous out here for a stressless this is an all-too- feels really big to me. I am drop-dead retirement. True friends common situation but an 18-year-old girl and friend, who is also a should not make you usually it is the women have lived here in Spain lovely person, but come feel like this and it who want to return as for four years. My Spanish on, look on the bright should be a pleasure to they miss their families is excellent and now most side. She is your friend so she obviously likes be in their company. too much. of my friends are locals. your company and I think you should honThe best advice I can The problem is that I feel wants to around with our this last arrangegive you is that if your so inferior to my best you. You sound like a ment and when you get house sells in the near friend! She is stunning nice person and we canback try and back away future, perhaps you and all the boys are round not all be beauty a little and cool things could buy yourself a lit- her like bees to a honey- queens! down. I hope she will tle place out here which pot.

As this girl is such a boy realise what you are I am not ugly but when I magnet it won't be long you could rent out when doing and not keep on am with her I feel that I am before one realises pressurising you - you you weren't here to a non-person as no-one what a catch you are recuperate a little of the don’t want this now at ever looks my way. To and hopefully you will money.

Or perhaps you your time of life. I hope make it worse, this friend be going out together as could just come out and this advice is helpful. rent something when is such a lovely person a foursome. Remember you feel like a little and doesn't seem to you are only 18 and you break from Mr. Misery! realise how gorgeous she have years to find Mr. Hope this sounds sensi- is. I hate myself for feel- Right.

l

Hubby wants to go home

Dear Rose. I am sure you will have heard my problem many times before.

We have lived here in Spain for five years and I am really happy. We sold our UK house and thought we would see out our days here, but unfortunately this will not happen. My husband has decided that he no longer wants to be here and wants to return to Britain.

Our house has been up for sale for six months but so far no one has made

My pal gets All the boys

l

l

Leo July 23 - August 22 This week will go well, except for the bits that don't. And not only will those bits go badly, but they'll go BADLY. The darkness you experience when you close your eyes might be accompanied by a low demonic growl today.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Electrical things will cause a problem for you today. Office politics may cause problems for you today if you arrive with a comedy tie. You're incredible. The day's events will make you want to move abroad... Oh! you’re already here.

Libra September 23 - October 22 The feeling in the pit of your stomach is going to explode at noon. Or sometime afterwards. Back in school when people would bully you about your hair and possibly jacket, you swore you would have your vengeance. Make today that day.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 If you think it's my job to tell you good news, you're wrong pal. You're going down! Fire is your symbol for today. All the time you spent on learning French is never going to pay off. Speeling mestakes are'nt god. You dig?

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Any beer consumed tonight may come back to haunt you, possibly in the form of a dead comedian or Max Bygraves. I sense a feeling of delight in you. Your future may be tainted by a mistake in your past. Now is the time for a new resolution.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 When asked to perform in a successful jazz band, consider all your options before accepting. The capital of you is your heart - never forget that. When trying to take the top of a bottle of paracetamol, you may find yourself contemplating destroying the universe

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 You might feel "world weary", but the truth of it is that you don't do anything worthwhile.

This week may be a good opportunity for you to change that. This horoscope may destruct in 10 seconds. Spank yourself silly today because you're been VERY VERY bad.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 You have many more years ahead of you.

The word "Terry" will be important today for reasons that are as perplexing to us as they will be to you. In fact, we estimate that 99.13% of all your confusion today will be caused by the very idea that "Terry" will be important, today.

35

Friday, September 30, 2011

TRELI ON THE TELLY COWELL’S COLE SCUTTLE IS ANOTHER BLACK DAY

I JUST can’t work out why Cheryl Cole was dropped from The X Factor USA, which has kicked off on ITV2.

She looked and sounded great as a judge, unless some new kind of editing system was being used to put her in a better light.

It’s another cock-up from Simon Cowell, on the back of his Red or Black disaster, and he would have squirmed over the often vicious American TV reviewers who said they liked Cheryl along with her Geordie accent.

Of course, it’s terrific to have Cowell back in full-flow as a judge, alongside his old American Idol sparring partner, Paula Abdul. The record producer, L.A. Reid, looks like a pretty good force for Cowell to reckon with - and he’s had the best line so far as he told a hapless singer: “Your performance wanted to make me slash my wrists!”

Nicole Scherzinger is fun but hardly any better than the banished Cole, who is now rumoured to be joining the next season of Britain’s Got Talent.

Dermot O’Leary was said to be in the running to host the US version but Steve Jones got Cowell‘s nod. I’ve liked the tall Welshman in his other work, but here he gives the constant impression of having soiled himself, and is nowhere near in Dermot’s class.

Perhaps things will get better come the live shows, but I think that O’Leary could have walked this and made a big name for himself Stateside.

Back in the UK, Dermot hosted the boot-camp shows which once again delivered some fantastic ratings for ITV1.

The tears and tantrums were predictable, but very watchable, and I bet you and I could have pretty much worked out the final contenders along with one or two of the nutty

with ALEX TRELINSKI

‘Wagner’ style choices.

Now, load up your supply of paper hankies for this weekend’s final cut by the judges - and the annual appearance by the talentless Sinitta, who still has her head crawling up Simon Cowell’s posterior.

There is absolutely no British TV adventure/cult drama series that has the style of Spooks, so why is the BBC pulling it, yet offering us two more seasons of the vastly overrated New Tricks?

Spooks reminds me of those old shows Lew Grade used to make for the American market like Department S or The Champions, but with superior actors and scripts.

The BBC has also tried to bury Spooks by running it on a Sunday night directly against Downton Abbey. Guess what? Amazingly, the antics of Harry and his spies are still getting close to five million viewers against one of ITV’s biggest ever drama hits.

No mean feat, but you know there will be no “happily ever after” ending for Harry and Ruth Over at Channel 4, their schedulers are just as dumb as those at the BBC. The brilliant third series of the vampire drama True Blood had last Tuesday’s third episode screened at 11.45pm UK time!

Yes, I know everybody records programmes these days, but I’d still call this a very serious waste of a cracking show (and incidentally the best series yet). Fortunately I managed to catch elsewhere earlier in the year at a far more sociable time on FX UK. Watch out for a fantastic scene towards the end of the

ATTACK THE BLOCK 15 THE film opens on Sam (Jodie Whittaker), a nurse just getting home from a late shift who’s held up by five teenagers in hoodies Moses (John Boyega), Jerome (Leeon Jones), Dennis (Franz Drameh), Pest (Alex Esmail), and Biggz (Simon Howard).

Something falling from the sky and smashing into a car allows her to get away, but the creature that emerges from it scratches Moses, so the lads chase it down and kill it. While Sam is talking to the police, the boys take the corpse to the closest thing they can think of to an expert

CAST: Nick Frost, Jodie Whittaker, Luke Treadaway.

DIRECTOR: Joe Cornish GENRE: Action/Adventure RATING: 4.5/5 RUNNING TIME: 88 min.

- pot grower Ron (Nick Frost) watches a lot of nature docs but can't identify it - and that seems to be that. Except that there are a lot of other shooting stars falling into this London neighbourhood that night, and the creatures coming out of those are bigger and meaner.

Writer/director Joe Cornish gets the basics right with Attack the Block - he establishes his characters and

creatures well, and then sets them against each other in a series of well-shot action sequences that increase in scale and complexity as they go along, but never exceed what one might reasonably think the characters are

capable of. There's plenty of comic relief, but it never undercuts a genuine sense of danger. In theory, this stuff shouldn't be that hard but a lot of action/adventure movies come out every year that don't manage these basic things. This one does it pretty well, and that's worth commending.

The monsters are fairly nice, as well. The design is very effective - these guys

This dvd review was brought to you by MOVING MOVIES - OVER 7000 DVDS IN STOCK. Delivering all over Spain and the UK Visit www.movingmovies.biz Tel 650 751 072 or email movingmoviesdvds@gmail.com

series set in a TV news studio that’ll have you in stitches.

Channel 4 treats its American programmes with little respect, and when it does get a hit like Glee, then Sky come in and pinch it by paying more.

Series three hit its second episode on Sky One last night, and for me you can’t give Jane Lynch as the scheming Sue Sylvester enough screen-time. She’s great and I just love the enthusiasm of the whole show, even though at times it can get very sugary. But hey, it’s just good old fashioned entertainment and that’s why it scores high with me. Plus a personal regret that my schooldays didn’t give me a chance to show off any of my hidden artistic talents!

The BBC have had some rollicking good bio-pics over the last couple of years, like those about Morecambe and Wise, Hattie Jacques and Enid Blyton. There was an absolute ripper on BBC2 last night about my favourite diva, Dame Shirley Bassey and her early days trying earn a crust in some Welsh pubs and clubs. Ruth Negga gave such a top-drawer performance as Shirley that you could forgive the script for being a tad boring and predictable.

The audience figures for Big Brother are falling faster than the FTSE 100 Index, but that’s what greedy Channel 5 deserve after ‘piggy-backing’ the show onto the successfully revived Celebrity Big Brother. Surely pausing it until the New Year would have made more creative and commercial sense?

The lovely irony is that tonight, over on Four, ex-BB host Davina McCall will be hosting The Million Pound Drop. And I’ll bet a lot of that dosh that she’ll get more viewers than Channel 5 for the BB Live Eviction.

TV can be so wonderfully cruel at times! are built to be intimidating and combatready but also not to make the humans impossible underdogs. The simplicity of the design is quite frankly brilliant in some ways - it works well both as CGI and as practical effects, directs the audience's attention toward the threatening teeth, and the blacker-thanblack coloration.

With a great young cast, a great balance between laughs and frights, a phenomenal soundtrack and overall visual style, this is a small film that is a true contender

for my favourite films of the year.

36

Friday

30th Semptember

00:35 This Week 01:20 Holiday Weatherview 01:25 Syria: Inside the Secret Revolution - Panorama 01:55 Countryfile 02:55 Antiques Roadshow 03:55 Food Fighters 04:40 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 To Build or Not to Build 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Celebrity MasterChef 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Natural Born Hunters 16:35 Wingin' It 17:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 17:30 Planet Dinosaur Files 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Nigel Slater's Simple Cooking 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Celebrity MasterChef 22:00 Strictly Come Dancing 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Come Fly with Me

00:25 Weather 00:30 Today at Conference 01:00 Dame Shirley Bassey: Electric Proms 2009 01:20 Imagine 02:15 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday

04:30 Asia Business Report 04:40 Close 05:00 Engineering for the World 06:30 How to Build 07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Guess with Jess 07:20 The Pingu Show 07:35 Little Charley Bear 07:45 Rastamouse 08:00 Safari 8 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:40 Leon 08:45 League of Super Evil 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Trapped 09:30 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 09:55 Dirtgirlworld 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Nuzzle & Scratch 11:05 Get Squiggling!

11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The Pink Panther Show 13:00 Daily Politics 13:30 GMT with George Alagiah 14:00 Diagnosis Murder 14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Wanted Down Under 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Reel History of Britain 20:00 The Culture Show 21:00 Escape to the Country 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Digging for Britain 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 71 Degrees North 01:30 The Zone 03:30 Death of the High Street: Tonight 03:55 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 17:00 There's No Taste Like Home 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight and Weather 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Love Your Garden 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 DCI Banks 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Sextuplets - The Little Lambs

DCI BANKS Part one of two. Cabbot investigates when a woman is found murdered on the moors. As the identity of the victim is established, it becomes apparent any number of suspects may have had a reason to want her dead. Meanwhile, Banks is called in when the body of a teenage girl is discovered in a storage room down an alleyway. Stephen Tompkinson and Andrea Lowe star.

00:05 Seven Dwarves 01:05 The Film Show 01:35 Ibiza Rocks 02:05 Music on 4 Favourites: 02:30 4Play: DJ Shadow 02:40 Rockfeedback Presents: End of the Road 02:55 Embarrassing Bodies 03:50 The Wonderful World of Tony Blair: Dispatches 04:45 Smallville 05:30 Countdown 06:15 Cookery School 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Supernanny USA 10:55 Supersize vs Superskinny 11:55 A Place in the Sun: Down Under 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Channel 4 Presents - Liz Johnson 13:10 Cheyenne Autumn 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Coach Trip 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Channel 4 Presents - Nathan Stephens 20:35 The IT Crowd 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 The Million Pound Drop Live 23:30 8 Out of 10 Cats

00:15 Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:10 SuperCasino 05:05 Meals in Moments 05:15 Brian Sewell's Grand Tour 06:00 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Elmo's World 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Music Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:25 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Big Brother 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:10 Mary Higgins Clark's We'll Meet Again 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Pawn Stars 21:00 Ultimate Police Interceptors 22:00 Big Brother: Live Eviction 23:00 The Bachelor

37

Saturday 1st October

00:05 Mrs Brown's Boys 00:35 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:45 Veronica Guerin 02:15 Weatherview 02:20 Question Time 03:20 Monty Halls' Great Irish Escape 04:20 The Code 05:20 BBC News 05:30 British Olympic Dreams 06:00 BBC News 06:30 Our World 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Nigel Slater's Simple Cooking 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Football Focus 14:05 Goal II: Living the Dream 15:50 Don't Scare the Hare 16:30 A Question of Sport 17:00 Celebrity MasterChef 17:30 Final Score 18:10 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:30 Celebrity MasterChef 19:00 Strictly Come Dancing 20:05 Doctor Who 20:50 Merlin 21:35 The National Lottery: Secret Fortune 22:25 Casualty 23:15 BBC News; Weather 23:30 Match of the Day

00:00 00:45 00:50 01:50 03:20 04:20

The Review Show Weather Later with Jools Holland It's Alive The Culture Show BBC News

04:30 Click 04:45 Newswatch 05:00 BBC News 05:20 Close 07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Guess with Jess 07:20 The Pingu Show 07:35 Little Charley Bear 07:45 Rastamouse 08:00 Roar 08:30 Arthur 08:55 Dennis and Gnasher 09:05 Hounded 09:35 Splatalot 10:00 Live 'n' Deadly 11:00 Who Let the Dogs Out? 11:30 I Want My Own Room 12:00 Deadly Art 12:15 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab 12:40 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 13:45 Astaire and Rogers Sing the Great American Songbook 14:15 Flying down to Rio 15:40 An American in Paris 17:30 Escape to the Country 18:30 Flog It! 19:30 Dad's Army 20:00 Frost on Nixon 22:00 QI XL 22:45 Frost/Nixon

00:35 Rugby World Cup Highlights 01:00 Smugglers 01:55 The Zone 04:15 Live Rugby World Cup 06:30 Live Rugby World Cup 09:00 Live Rugby World Cup 12:30 ITV News and Weather 12:39 Meridian Weather 12:40 Coronation Street 15:00 The X Factor 16:30 People Do the Funniest Things Abroad 17:30 Rugby World Cup Highlights 18:30 Meridian News and Weather 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 New You've Been Framed!

19:30 All Star Family Fortunes 20:30 The X Factor 22:30 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:30 ITV News and Weather 23:44 Meridian Weather 23:45 Shaun of the Dead

X FACTOR Dermot O'Leary presents the first of two programmes in which the judges invite the remaining 32 acts to locations around the world, where they are joined by celebrity guests who help whittle them down to the final 16. Gary Barlow and his Take That bandmate Robbie Williams mentor the boys in Los Angeles, Kelly Rowland and Jennifer Hudson take the girls to Miami, Jessie J helps Tulisa Contostavlos select the best groups on the Greek island of Mykonos and Louis Walsh welcomes X Factor regular Sinitta back to the show in Spain to put the over-25s through their paces.

00:05 Al Murray: My Funniest Year 02:10 4Play: The Drums 02:20 On Track 02:50 My Name Is Earl 03:30 Without a Trace 04:20 The Real Housewives of New Jersey 05:05 Accidentally on Purpose 05:30 Countdown 06:15 Cookery School 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Film Show 08:00 Channel 4 Presents - Lee Pearson 08:05 Superbike World Championship 2011 08:30 British Formula 3 International Series 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Jason Derulo's R'n'B It Girls Top 20 10:25 Smallville 11:20 What's Your Number? T4 Movie Special 11:50 Cher Lloyd: Video Exclusive 11:55 The Simpsons 12:25 Made in Chelsea 13:30 The Big Bang Theory 14:25 Road to London 2012: That Paralympic Show 14:55 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 19:50 Channel 4 News 20:20 4thought.tv 20:25 X-Men Origins: Wolverine 22:30 The Million Pound Drop Live 23:55 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut

00:00 Big Brother: The Eviction Interview 00:30 Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:15 SuperCasino 05:05 Motorsport Mundial 05:35 The Gadget Show 06:00 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:25 County Secrets 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:35 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Elmo's World 08:05 The Save-Ums! 08:20 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 Hana's Helpline 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Animal Families 11:00 The Gadget Show 12:00 Big Brother: The Eviction 13:00 Big Brother: The Eviction Interview 13:30 Superior Interiors with Kelly Hoppen 14:30 Zulu Dawn 16:50 The Battle at Apache Pass 18:30 Battle of the Bulge 21:20 5 News Weekend 21:25 NCIS 22:30 Big Brother 23:25 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

38

Sunday 2nd October 01:00 The Football League Show 02:15 Weatherview 02:20 BBC News 02:30 British Olympic Dreams 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Dateline London 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:30 On the Road with the Chief Executive of Battersea Dogs and Cats Home 06:00 BBC News 06:30 The Record Europe 07:00 Breakfast 08:35 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 Sunday Morning Live 12:00 Country Tracks 13:00 The Politics Show 14:05 EastEnders 16:00 Escape to the Country 17:00 Deadly 60 on a Mission 17:30 Planet Dinosaur 18:00 Points of View 18:30 Songs of Praise 19:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Spooks 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 My Favourite Joke 23:55 Outnumbered

00:40 Extraordinary Rendition 01:55 Later with Jools Holland 03:00 Close 07:00 Penelope 07:05 Guess with Jess 07:15 The Pingu Show 07:30 MotoGP 09:00 Dennis and Gnasher 09:10 Junior MasterChef 09:40 Wingin' It 10:00 Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up 11:00 Something for the Weekend 12:30 The Great British Bake Off 13:30 MotoGP 15:00 Racing from Longchamp 16:35 Rugby League 17:30 James May's Things You Need to Know 18:00 The RIBA Stirling Prize 2011: A Culture Show Special 19:00 Dragons' Den: How to Win in the Den 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 A South American Journey with Jonathan Dimbleby 22:00 Fry's Planet Word 23:00 Match of the Day 2

01:30 Live Rugby World Cup 04:05 Live Rugby World Cup 06:30 Live Rugby World Cup 09:00 Live Rugby World Cup 12:00 ITV News and Weather 12:04 Meridian Weather 12:05 DragonHeart 14:00 The X Factor 16:00 Countrywise - The Real Downton Abbey 17:00 Downton Abbey 18:15 Rugby World Cup Highlights 19:15 Meridian News and Weather 19:30 ITV News and Weather 19:45 Holding Out for a Hero 20:45 The X Factor 22:00 Downton Abbey 23:15 That Sunday Night Show 23:45 ITV News and Weather 23:59 Meridian Weather

EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE A profile of 20-year-old primordial dwarf Aditya `Romeo' Dev who, despite standing at just 2ft 9in and weighing only one-and-a-half stone, has risen to international stardom as a bodybuilder and a dancer. In a bid to further his career as a performer, Romeo meets Jackass star Jason `Wee-Man' Acuna and tries to impress the casting director of Cirque du Soleil.

00:45 Rude Tube 01:45 Love Aaj Kal 04:05 Without a Trace 04:50 Without a Trace 05:35 Hill Street Blues 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Ironman Wales 08:50 Channel 4 Presents - Jonnie Peacock 08:55 One Tree Hill 09:50 Battlefront 10:05 Hollyoaks 12:35 Kasabian: The Album Chart Show Special 13:10 Abduction: T4 Movie Special 13:45 Cheaper by the Dozen 2 15:45 The Simpsons 16:20 The Simpsons 16:50 Channel 4 Presents - Nathan Stephens: True Grit 16:55 Best of British 17:55 Deal or No Deal 18:55 Channel 4 News 19:25 4thought.tv 19:30 Star Trek 22:00 Fighting on the Frontline 23:00 Nowhere Boy

01:15 SuperCasino 05:00 The FBI Files 05:50 County Secrets 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Elmo's World 08:05 The Save-Ums! 08:25 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 Hana's Helpline 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:40 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:10 The Mr Men Show 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Animal Families 11:00 Great Edinburgh Run 2011 12:30 Inside Hollywood 12:40 The Beat Goes On 13:40 Big Brother 14:40 Westbound 16:05 Stand by Me 17:45 The Goonies 20:00 Extraordinary People: The World's Smallest Muscleman 21:00 5 News Weekend 21:05 Warship 22:00 Big Brother 23:00 Shallow Hal

39

Monday 3rd October

00:25 Ask Rhod Gilbert 01:00 The Sky at Night 01:20 Weatherview 01:25 Dragons' Den 02:25 Holby City 03:25 Antiques Road Trip 04:10 Windfarm Wars 05:10 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Dirty Tricks of the Tradesmen 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Celebrity MasterChef 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Natural Born Hunters 16:35 Wingin' It 17:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 17:30 Blue Peter 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Bang Goes the Theory 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 All Work and Low Pay Panorama 22:00 Motorway Cops 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:20 Mock the Week 00:50 Kidulthood 02:20 The RIBA Stirling Prize 2011: A Culture Show Special 03:20 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday

04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:05 Close 07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Guess with Jess 07:20 The Pingu Show 07:35 Little Charley Bear 07:45 Rastamouse 08:00 Safari 8 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:40 Leon 08:45 Pet Squad 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Trapped 09:30 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 09:50 Dirtgirlworld 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:40 Nuzzle & Scratch 11:00 Get Squiggling!

11:15 Zingzillas 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 Daily Politics Conference Special 14:00 Diagnosis Murder 14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Wanted Down Under 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two 20:00 Coast 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Home Cooking Made Easy 22:00 Dragons' Den 23:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 23:30 Newsnight 23:30 Weather

00:00 Missing Millions 01:00 Premiership Rugby Union 02:00 The Zone 03:00 British Superbikes 03:55 Motorsport UK 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 There's No Taste Like Home 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Little England 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Doc Martin 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Exposure: The Factory

CELEBRITY WISH LIST

New series. Wish-fulfilment show in which famous faces help spring surprises on selfless volunteer groups, deserving projects, true friends and reallife heroes. Jeff Brazier hears how the Midlands Air Ambulance saved the life of one young boy, so sets out to organise the surprise of a lifetime for the service's volunteers and fundraisers. Michael Underwood travels to Harrogate, North Yorkshire, to say a special thank you to a woman who inspires everyone she meets.

00:50 Arthur's Day 01:55 Trip to Yatkumchatka 02:00 American Football Live 05:45 European Wheelchair Fencing Championships 2011 06:10 Brief Encounters of the Sporting Mind: Rally Driving 06:20 Countdown 07:05 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Supernanny USA 10:55 Supersize vs Superskinny 11:55 Help! My House Is Falling Down 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Four in a Bed 14:05 High Society 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Coach Trip 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Can You Trust Your Doctor?: Dispatches 22:00 Embarrassing Bodies 23:00 Rude Tube

01:10 Ultimate Emergency Bikers 02:10 SuperCasino 05:00 Meals in Moments 05:10 UEFA Europa League Highlights 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Elmo's World 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Music Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:25 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Mio Mao 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Big Brother 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Miami 16:15 Love's Unfolding Dream 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Celebrity Wish List 21:00 The Gadget Show 22:00 The Hotel Inspector 23:00 Big Brother

40

Tuesday 4th October

00:05 Spooks 01:05 Harper 03:05 Weatherview 03:10 The Great British Bake Off 04:10 The Body Farm 05:10 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Dirty Tricks of the Tradesmen 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Celebrity MasterChef 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Natural Born Hunters 16:35 Wingin' It 17:00 Hotel Trubble 17:30 Blue Peter 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 Holby City 22:00 The Body Farm 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Transplant

00:20 00:50 01:50 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:30 05:50 06:10

Today at Conference Fry's Planet Word Damages Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today E20 Big Slam Poetry Big Slam Poetry Big Slam Poetry

06:30 Primary Schools 07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Guess with Jess 07:20 The Pingu Show 07:35 Little Charley Bear 07:45 Rastamouse 08:00 Safari 8 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:40 Leon 08:45 Pet Squad 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Trapped 09:30 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 09:55 Dirtgirlworld 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Nuzzle & Scratch 11:05 Get Squiggling!

11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The Pink Panther Show 13:00 Daily Politics Conference Special 14:00 Diagnosis Murder 14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Wanted Down Under 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two 20:00 Dragons' Den 21:00 The Great British Bake Off 22:00 Hairy Bikers' Meals on Wheels 23:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 That Sunday Night Show 01:05 Wildlife Patrol 01:30 The Zone 03:35 Champions League Weekly 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 There's No Taste Like Home 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Mayday Mayday 21:00 Missing Millions 22:00 71 Degrees North 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 DCI Banks

GOKS CLOTHES ROADSHOW: GET THE LOOK FOR LESS

The stylist heads to Bristol, where he pits the supermarket against the high street in a catwalk challenge, and his roadtesters put jumpsuits through their paces. Later, Gok becomes a personal stylist for three single Bristolians who devote more care and attention to sorting out rubbish than they do to their wardrobes.

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 Fresh Meat 01:00 Rockfeedback Presents: Berlin Festival 01:35 Late Night Poker 02:30 Love, Sex Aur Dhokha 04:35 The House That Made Me 05:30 Accidentally on Purpose 05:55 Cookery School 06:50 Wat's Pig 07:05 Sali Mali 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 10:00 Supernanny USA 10:55 Supersize vs Superskinny 11:55 Help! My House Is Falling Down 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Four in a Bed 13:35 Channel 4 Presents - Nathan Stephens: The Sharp End 13:40 Brief Encounters of the Sporting Mind: Ultra Running 13:45 The Cassandra Crossing 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Coach Trip 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Gok's Clothes Roadshow: Get the Look for Less 22:00 Mary Queen of Frocks 23:00 Shameless

00:00 Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:00 Ultimate Police Interceptors 01:55 SuperCasino 05:00 Meals in Moments 05:10 Grey's Anatomy 05:55 Rough Guide to Beaches 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Elmo's World 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Big Brother 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Miami 16:15 Murder in Greenwich 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Real Food Family Cook Off 21:00 Superior Interiors with Kelly Hoppen 22:00 CSI: Miami 23:00 Big Brother

41

Wednesday 5th October

00:35 Alex: A Life Fast Forward 01:35 Weatherview 01:40 Monty Halls' Great Irish Escape 02:40 Village SOS 03:40 Antiques Road Trip 04:25 Windfarm Wars 05:25 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Dirty Tricks of the Tradesmen 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Celebrity MasterChef 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Natural Born Hunters 16:35 Wingin' It 17:00 Hotel Trubble 17:30 Serious Explorers: Raleigh 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 19:55 Party Political Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Waterloo Road 21:30 Planet Dinosaur 22:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 Ask Rhod Gilbert

00:20 Today at Conference 00:50 A South American Journey with Jonathan Dimbleby 01:50 Damages 02:35 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Secondary Schools: Poets in

Person 05:30 The Power of Poetry 06:00 Powerful Texts 07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Guess with Jess 07:20 The Pingu Show 07:35 Little Charley Bear 07:45 Rastamouse 08:00 Safari 8 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:40 Leon 08:45 Pet Squad 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Trapped 09:30 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 09:55 Dirtgirlworld 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Nuzzle & Scratch 11:05 Get Squiggling!

11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The Pink Panther Show 13:00 Daily Politics Conference Special 14:00 See Hear 14:30 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:00 Daily Politics Conference Special 17:00 Escape to the Country 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 18:55 Party Political Broadcast 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two 20:00 Escape to the Country 21:00 All Roads Lead Home 22:00 Dragons' Den: How to Win in the Den 23:00 Rab C Nesbitt 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Billy Connolly's Route 66 01:30 The Zone 03:35 Crossing Jordan 04:20 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 There's No Taste Like Home 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 19:50 Party Political Broadcast 20:00 Emmerdale 21:00 The Pride of Britain Awards 2011 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Cops with Cameras

THE PRIDE OF BRITAIN AWARDS Carol Vorderman hosts the annual awards show from London's Grosvenor House, where Prince Charles joins more than 100 stars from TV, showbusiness, politics and sport to celebrate the nation's unsung heroes. The winners include a schoolboy who saved his father from a rampaging bull, a fundraising seven-year-old and a woman who risked her life to rescue a motorist from the path of a train, while residents who stood up to rioters across the UK last summer also receive recognition.

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 True Blood 01:25 UK & Ireland Poker Tour 02:20 Sailing 02:45 FIM Superbike World Championship 03:15 British Formula 3 International Series 03:40 KOTV Boxing Weekly 04:05 Beach Volleyball 05:00 Ironman Wales 05:50 IAU Trail World Championships 06:15 Cookery School 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Supernanny USA 10:55 Supersize vs Superskinny 11:55 Help! My House Is Falling Down 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Four in a Bed 14:00 The Last Command 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Coach Trip 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Location, Location, Location 22:00 Grand Designs 23:00 Fresh Meat 23:55 Random Acts

00:00 Swept Away 01:40 Comedy Kings: Best of Just for Laughs 02:05 SuperCasino 04:55 County Secrets 05:05 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:30 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 Rough Guide to Cities 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Elmo's World 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Music Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:25 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Big Brother 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Miami 16:15 Raising Waylon 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 New Highland Emergency 21:00 Ultimate Emergency Bikers 22:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 23:00 Big Brother

42

Thursday 6th October

00:20 Bandits 02:20 Weatherview 02:25 See Hear 02:55 Watchdog 03:55 Bang Goes the Theory 04:25 Country Tracks 05:20 Newsday 05:30 Drinking Our Rivers Dry? Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Helicopter Heroes 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Dirty Tricks of the Tradesmen 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Celebrity MasterChef 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Natural Born Hunters 16:35 Wingin' It 17:00 Copycats 17:30 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 Hidden 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time

00:20 Today at Conference 00:50 Toughest Place to Be a Midwife 01:50 Damages 02:35 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today

05:00 Writer's Block 07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Guess with Jess 07:20 The Pingu Show 07:35 Little Charley Bear 07:45 Rastamouse 08:00 Outback 8 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:40 Leon 08:45 Pet Squad 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Trapped 09:30 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 09:55 Dirtgirlworld 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Nuzzle & Scratch 11:05 Get Squiggling!

11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The Pink Panther Show 13:00 Daily Politics 13:30 GMT with George Alagiah 14:00 Diagnosis Murder 14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Wanted Down Under 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two 20:00 If Walls Could Talk: The History of the Home 21:00 The Great British Bake Off 22:00 Mixed Race Britannia 23:00 Mock the Week 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Ladette to Lady 01:30 The Zone 03:35 Columbo: It's All in the Game 05:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 There's No Taste Like Home 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Little Boy Lost - The Search for Ben Needham: Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Billy Connolly's Route 66 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Jonathan Ross Show

MIXED BRITANNIA New series. George Alagiah explores the history of Britain's mixed-race communities, with archive material helping to chart events from the turn of the 20th century. He begins with the romances between women workers and foreign seamen during the First World War, and the street riots they caused in port cities as soldiers returned to find local girls in relationship with non-white men. He also reveals how Britain narrowly escaped laws preventing interracial marriages

00:05 Shameless 01:10 On Track 01:40 The Album Chart Show: Spotlight 01:55 Better Things 03:30 Accidentally on Purpose 03:55 The Million Pound Note 05:25 Countdown 06:10 Cookery School 07:05 The Hoobs 07:55 Freshly Squeezed 08:25 Channel 4 Presents - Lee Pearson 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 10:00 Supernanny USA 10:55 Supersize vs Superskinny 11:55 Help! My House Is Falling Down 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Three in a Bed USA 14:00 Hell and High Water 16:05 Channel 4 Presents - Liz Johnson 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Coach Trip 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Country House Rescue 22:00 Educating Essex 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

00:00 Celebrity Impossible?: Big Brother Special 01:00 Poker: The Big Game 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 County Secrets 05:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 Rough Guide to Eco Escapes 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Elmo's World 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Music Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Big Brother 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Miami 16:15 Survival on the Mountain 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 How Do They Do It? 20:30 5 News Update 21:00 How to Build a Volcano 22:00 Extraordinary People: The 8Limbed Boy 23:00 Big Brother

Friday, September 30, 2011

43

44

Friday, September 30, 2011

CHURCH SERVICES

ACCOMODATION Pensión La Oficina (The Black Bull)situated on the CV951, San Miguel de Salinas. Modern air-conditioned and ensuite rooms available, 35 € per night. Call 966 842 070 for reservations. (34)

ACCOUNTANTS Bogged down in paperwork? Let us simplify things for you – accountancy, taxes, payroll services and more. We cater for companies and individuals. Established in 1984 on the Costa Blanca. Call us on 966 923 963 for your first consultation free of charge.(34)

ALARMS Protect your home with PROSEGUR Alarm Systems. Don’t have just any alarm ringing out to no one - get connected to the professionals.

Immediate connection to the police via our 24/7 control centre, with video surveillance included.

Don’t wait until it´s too late. For a free quote call 966 923 963 (34)

AIR CONDITIONING

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES 10 cold drinks /snack vending machines with sites 44,900 euros.

Excellent cash income, no overhead, operate from home 31,000 euros NETT per year one day p.w. to service.25 Pringle vending machines with sites 14,900 euros 250 euros per week NETT guaranteed, machines and sites available individually. 965 326 442 / 659 696 455 (09) Bar for sale. Quesada area. Going cheap. For information pack, email: .

Tel: 688 800 960 (40)

Brand new clothing for Sale. 10,000 pieces of mixed childrens, ladies and mens wear. Ideal for market traders. Bargain price of 5,000 €. Call now on 651 885 200. (34)

BOATS Storage available with trailer from 20 euro month a month, safe, secure, further details Tel 666 526 396 Los Montesinos (33) BOATING LICENSES ARE NOW A LEGAL REQUIREMENT IN SPAIN Serenity Sailing RYA Training Centre, Competent Crew to Yachtmaster, VHF & ICC Own boat tuition on sail and power. If you have a yacht or powerboat get qualified and certified Contact Richard 0034 638 056 224 enquiries@serenitysailing.com/www.serenitysailing.com

LOCKSMITH

International Christian Assembly. Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational. Sunday services 11:00am.

Children’s Church 11:00am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier.

Ladies meeting Thursdays 11:00am.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo.

All nationalities welcome 966 799 273 // 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3. Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information contact Pilar ChristianCommunity Church@gmail.com or contact Reverend Eddie on 966 7693 00 or 650 509 606. Reg No:2009SG/A

HAIRDRESSER English mobile hairdresser. 20 years experience.

Prices from 6 euros.

Almoradi, Algorfa, Benijofer, Rojales,

Quesada, Guardamar, San Luis, Torrevieja areas. Call Jeri on 966 318 550 / 698 257 200.

(30)

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.co m or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar.

Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and

CAR SALES

shops. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 155, Luxurious Three Bedroom Villa With Private Pool, in Quesada Close to shops and restaurants within a five minute drive, and Guadamar Beach is within a ten minute drive.

Long term rental €800PCM, Short term available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 708, A lovely two bedroom, one bathroom corner ground floor apartment in Algorfa, with a spacious patio & Residents off road parking. Communal pool near by. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 70, Superb 3 bedroom detached villa set on a large plot in San Luis. The Property is close to the Habaneras Shopping Centre, Aquapark and other amenities. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 117, A Lovely 3 Bedroomed 1st floor apartment on the outskirts of Torrevieja (Mar Azul).

The Apartment is in walking distance of the excellent beaches and a good selection of restaurants, shops and bars. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PAVING REMOVALS

FURNITURE

CARPENTER

SECURITY

45

Friday, September 30, 2011 Ref: 33, A lovely large 2 bedroom, ground floor apartment within walking distance to the beach.

Large lounge, 1 double bedroom and 1 twin bedroom on a gated community. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 61, A lovely two bedroomed groundfloor apartment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swimming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking distance.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, Well situated studio apartment in San Luis. The property has a balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Close to all shops and amenities, on a local bus route & 10 minutes from the beach. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR SALE Gran Alacant, corner semi detached 3 bedroomed, 2 bathrooms, large garden, enclosed terrace, fully furnished, private drive for 2 cars, on gated desirable urbanisation Monte Faro, many facilities priced for quick sale 185,000 Tel 680 333 242 House for sale. Santiago de la Ribera, 3-4 bedrooms, lovely garden, two balconies, two fireplaces, quiet neighbourhood, five minutes walk to beach.

Tel: 616 596 647 or 672 192 482 (22).

Balsares, terraced 4 bedroomed house, 3 bathrooms, large underbuild, private underground parking direct to house, small gated urbanisation, directly over looking proposed new golf course opposite Gran Alacant,

COMPUTERS

priced for quick sale at original off plan price 195.000 Tel 680 333 242 Gran Alacant, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath mid terraced Altomar 1, views of Alicante Bay, close to communal pool, walking distance to bars and resturants opportunity at reduced price 125,000 Tel 680 333 242 Gran Alacant, front line, 2 bed, 1 bath, downstairs toilet, fully furnished, roof terrace, walking distance to beaches, large communal and resturants, beach front property priced for quick sale 125,000 Tel 680 333 242 Quesada, detached 3 bedroomed, 2 bath, all large rooms, front enclosed conservatory, fully furnished, oiled fuelled heating, outdoor poolside kitchen and bbq area enclosed, large pool, outside toilet, garage for 2 cars, newly refurbished, established garden with fruit trees, set in a cul de sac on 1000m2, the overall plot can be divided, as registered as two plots, so this house could be a substantial investment oppor-

tunity, situated in the Dona pepe area close to Quesada town centre, priced 255,000 negotiable Tel 680 333 242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles. It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace

PROPERTIES REQUIRED

and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 510, €79,999.

Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. mCall: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: KP3100, €198,000.

Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool. Garage to side of house. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 30, €119,000. Two bedroom detached house with large front terrace.

This villa is in the Punta Marina area close to Playa Flamenca , Close to amenities. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is offroad parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area,

communal pool nearby.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. 526, €49,900. A lovely bright 1 bedroom apartment in the area of Torreblanca.There is a large communal pool and well maintained gardens, with tennis courts and childrens play area. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

SOLICITORS Need English Speaking Solicitors in Torrevieja?

Let us help to solve your problems with debt recovery, divorce, property, accident claims, legalise land. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor.

SITUATIONS VACANT Outgoing friendly sales staff wanted for exciting new venture in Torrevieja and surrounding areas.

No experience necessary as full training given, although face to face sales experience an advantage. Phone Sue on 606 024 743 for more details (32)

WANTED A private buyer looking to buy a cheap car directly from the owner (middleman please do not call)Tel 638 811 881(35)

BLOCKED DRAINS

PLUMBERS SWIMMING POOL MAINTENANCE

SURVEYS

NEWS AGENTS

PETS

LOCKSMITH

46

Friday, September 30, 2011

KNOW YOUR FOOTBALL? THE Courier’s man of many letters presents another specially prepared A-Z quiz to test your knowledge of the Beautiful Game...

WHICH S international side created a new FIFA record last year of going 559 minutes without conceding a goal?

WHICH T forerunner of the Great Polish Goalkeeper Exodus was famously branded a clown by Brian Clough?

WHICH A satellite UEFA nation did last season’s Europa League contestants Mika represent?

NAME the only U to have played for Scotland since the war - he’s also the international with the fewest number of letters

WHICH B could have opted to play for his French father’s nation but held out for the Scotland call-up that came in 2008?

KOJAK was the affectionate nickname for which scary-looking international referee?

MARSEILLE and which fellow-Olympique L team shared Europe’s highest draw of last season - 5-5 - until eclipsed by the historic Motherwell-Hibs 6-6?

ALEXANDRU Epureanu of Dinamo Moscow is the impossibly-young captain of which M Euro national team?

WHICH N nation, astoundingly, was the only one to finish the 2010 World Cup finals unbeaten?

WHICH C Roman-Britain city football club was wound up last year after 125 unbroken years as an English league club?

in his whole name.

WHAT’S the only club beginning with V in the French Premier League?

WHAT, surprisingly, is the only one of FIFA’s 208 members to begin with the letter W? WHICH X made a record 669 attempted passes in the 2010 World Cup, 104 more than nearest challenger Bastien Schweinsteiger?

WHICH D candidate for history’s greatest player represented Argentina, Colombia and Spain - but never at the World Cup?

WHICH Y was the most expensive signing of Martin O’Neill’s managerial career?

WHICH E nation does Manchester United dazzler Antonio WHICH five nations in the current Euro 2012 qualifiers have a Z in their names?

WHICH P team conceded three own goals in one match against Manchester United last year?

LDU Quito are the current Serie A champions of which nation?

Valencia play for?

WHICH F Honduran international scored an astounding goal from 61 metres for Wigan against Stoke in December 2009?

Elche’s 7s date ELCHE’S Martinez Valero football stadium is to host a European Rugby Sevens tournament on November 1. The event, a prelude to the IRB Sevens world circuit, will feature national teams from Spain, England, Wales, Scotland, France and Portugal.

There will also be a women’s competition involving Spain, Portugal, France and Holland.

The tournament, which is on a Spanish bank holiday, will run from 10.30 to 19.00 and the entrance fee is €5 - or €10 with a commemorative T-shirt. Tickets and T-shirts from Garry (Dutch) on 692 767 242.

WHICH G nation is bizarrely an anagram of Meg Ryan?

WHICH H English league club has the unfortunate nickname of The Monkey-Hangers?

WHICH I nation had its worst-ever World Cup finals showing last summer with a miserable tally of two points?

WHICH RR quit as manager of Bundesliga cracks Schalke last week, citing burn-out?

JAPAN and Jamaica have appeared in World Cup finals, but name the one FIFA member beginning J that hasn’t.

ANSWERS Armenia; Chistophe Berra; Chester City; Alfredo Di Stefano; Ecuador; Maynor Figueroa; Germany; Hartlepool; Italy; Jordan; Pierluigi Collina; Lyon; Moldova; New Zealand; Russell Osman, 1983; Portsmouth; Ecuador; Ralf Rangnick; Switzerland; Jan Tomaszewski; Ian Ure; Valenciennes; Wales; Xavi; Ashley Young; Switzerland, Azerbaijan, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Kazakhstan, Czech Republic.

WHO was the last O to be capped by England before Michael Owen?

47

Friday, September 30, 2011

What price Tevez now?

By STEVE BOTT MANCHESTER CITY rate Carlos Tevez in the £50m bracket but who in their right mind would spend that sort of money, plus his astronomical wages, for a repeat of his antics at all three clubs he has been with since arriving in the Premier League.

City paid neighbours Manchester United £25.5m for him back in 2009 and they might well be better off settling for something nearer that figure just to get shut of someone who has ostracised himself not just from City and their fans but from football in general.

It doesn't take an Einstein to work out what the Argentinian's game plan has been.

He has spent roughly the same time at each of his clubs, West Ham, Manchester United and Manchester City and then either demanded or worked himself a move for an even bigger salary each time and probably a whopping signing-on fee as well.

If City do sell him now - and as far as I am aware he has not asked for a transfer - he will also be due a massive severance settlement on the remainder of his contract. I don't know about wanting to return or be nearer his children in South America, he could buy Argentina and move it nearer wherever he is for a lot less than the amount he has stashed away in the bank!

To have a player of his undoubted quality languishing on the bench and at the same time disrupting team and fan morale is like having a sickness within the club. It needs to

be cut out and disposed of before it spreads – and footballers being what they are when it comes to money, Tevez's behaviour could become highly contagious if not stamped on right away.

That's why Roberto Mancini is 100 per cent right in making his stand and saying that he is finished with Tevez, who reportedly refused to take the field against Bayern Munich on Tuesday.

Someone has to be big enough to say no to these sort of players when their demands and behaviour get out of hand.

Granted, the clubs have made a rod for their own backs paying out these huge sums in a bid to get the best - and allowing agents in many cases to dictate transfer terms has merely added to the problem.

It will be interesting to see just who comes in for Tevez now and what they are prepared to lay out. A few clauses in any contract offered in the club's favour might well be a good idea too. A bit like the pre-nuptial agreements film and pop stars take out when getting wed.

One thing's for sure, whoever

Buying City’s problem boy would be crazy

hitches up with Carlos next time is unlikely to find that it is a marriage made in heaven!

While City were kissing goodbye to the Champions League in Munich, their Manchester neighbours were baffling everyone with their tactics in the same competition.

Drawn in perhaps the easiest group, United had a perfect chance to wrap the group up early doors and ensure qualification. As it is, Fergie has used both games so far to experiment with his formations and blood several young inexperienced players in the toughest competition in the world.

Sir Alex has assembled a talented and well balanced squad in terms of age, position and ability, and all the players should be capable of performing at the highest level. But wouldn't it have been better to start with his strongest XI, get the job done and then bring on those youngsters to gain some of that muchneeded experience in a less pressurised situation?

As it is, United now have to fight as hard as the rest to ensure qualification, which I am sure they will do. But come on Fergie, don't tempt fate and have us all on tenterhooks any longer. Go for the jugular!

SCOTS GET TACTICS WRONG From Back Page Turnover ball at the breakdown proved to be a Scottish nightmare and one that Robinson will have to work on if they have any pretentions of beating the Auld Enemy England tomorrow in Auckland.

Replacement Dan Parks kicked the Scots further ahead with a superbly taken drop goal and with 10 minutes to go I was thinking about taking the dog for a walk. Scotland were 12 - 6 up - they surely had this in the bag.

But it’s never over until the fat Argentinian lady sings and nobody had shown Lucas Gonzalez Amorosino the script as he collected the ball 20 metres from the Scots try line and jinked past four desperate would-be tacklers to score his 72nd-minute try, Contepomi adding the conversion Robinson's men had contrived to throw the game away. Argentina 13 Scotland the Naive 12.

This was a game Robinson’s men could and should have won. It now sets up an intriguing encounter with Pool B leaders England, who impressed against a secondstring Romanian side whose minds were more on their next match with Georgia and qualification for 2015.

Oh, how Scotland would have loved the perfect conditions England found themselves in. It may have been winter outside Dunedin’s Otago Stadium but under the dome they scored within two minutes through Jonny Wilkinson's boot. Mark Cueto crossed the whitewash three times in 12 minutes and the tries just kept on coming, 10 in all with Chris Ashton also grabbing three.

For me, it wasn't the score that was impressive or flattered; it was the way the players responded to criticism of their previous lacklustre performances in this World Cup – and the worst disciplinary record in the competition...

They looked sharp and hungry to impress, they gave away fewer silly penalties – and the forwards were strong up front, securing quick possession to release a potent and

determined back line. England ran out 62-3 victors, secured the bonus point and put a smile back on the face of Martin Johnson.

Well, I think it was a smile – it could have been a grimace!

Let’s not kid ourselves, things will get tougher for this England side, who aren't quite the finished article. It starts with Scotland tomorrow.

England will qualify for the knockout stages but they will want to impress and go through with maximum points. For Scotland to progress, they have to work out a way of beating England albeit with a weaker set of forwards. They have to get some sort of parity up front, in the tight and at the breakdown – and then hope that Georgia pulls off an upset by beating Argentina.

It all makes for an intriguing weekend in which the last eight will be confirmed.

the table with a maximum 15 points, have scored effortlessly in their home backyard and seem to be pretty well invincible. Their demolition of France looked ominous for every one else in the competition.

As Pool A winners they will next meet the Pool B runners up, likely to be Argentina unless Scotland can pull off a minor miracle.

France, with a win in their final match over Tonga, will go through from Pool A as runners up. They promised much coming into this competition but met an All Black side in no mood to let them display their Gallic flair.

France have scored steadily against the weaker sides and will meet an England side improving in confidence.

POOL B

POOL A

It’s England and Argentina to qualify for the quarter-finals at Scotland’s expense. Turn to the Centre Pages for the full Dooley rundown on Pool B.

THE All Blacks are most people’s tip to become 2011 World Cup champions - and so far we’ve seen nothing to suggest anything different.

There are no signs of weakness, they top

IRELAND have to sidestep a potential banana skin in their final Pool game against Six Nations rivals Italy. Brian O’Driscoll’s

POOL C

men are riding high at the top after that big, big win against the Australians and more comfortable victories against Russia and USA. The Irish haven’t lost to the Azzurri in 15 outings but came close in their last Six Nations meeting when Ronan O'Gara saved their blushes with a late drop goal.

Ireland can’t afford to take the Italians lightly and are putting an almost full strength side out to secure their path through to the quarter finals. As winners of Pool C this could set up an intriguing clash with Wales, my expected runners-up in Pool D. Australia are still smarting from their defeat by the Irish, but don’t write them off just yet. They are a class outfit and will cruise past a struggling Russian side and secure a bonus point into the bargain.

As long as Ireland don’t slip on that Italian banana skin, the Australians will take the runners-up berth and head off for a Southern Hemisphere clash against the winners of Pool D - the much fancied reigning world champions South Africa.

POOL D SOUTH AFRICA got a big wake-up call against the Welsh, who were unlucky not to beat the world’s second-ranked team. Since then, the Boks have destroyed the remaining Pool D opposition and sit at the top of the table with maximum points. They will be too strong for the plucky Samoans today and will clinch top spot and a quarter-final place against the Australians.

Wales have battled hard in this so-called Pool of Death and have come through with credit. All they have to do to meet the Irish in the quarter final at Wellington is secure maximum points against a Fijian side who have struggled to find form in this World Cup. My quarter final line-up: Saturday October 8: England v France (Auckland), Ireland v Wales (Wellington) Sunday October 9: New Zealand v Argentina (Auckland), South Africa v Australia (Wellington)

48

Friday, September 30, 2011

SCOTLAND THE NAIVE This was no day for an expansive game, Andy

THE DOOLEY VERDICT SOMEBODY forgot to mention the weather forecast to Scotland coach Andy Robinson in Wellington last Saturday - and the fact that Argentina were and still are strong contenders to qualify for the knockout stages in Pool B behind England.

All the emphasis and pre-match hype from Robinson was that Scotland were going out to

play an expansive game and throw the ball around, which in turn would run the legs off the Pumas.

To do that Scotland needed to win the forward battle. They didn't – in what was a drab, miserable match played in horribly torrential, blustery conditions. Yet as both sides battled away at close quarters, it became more enthralling by the minute. I just couldn't bring

myself to switch the TV off as both sides tried to gain some sort of superiority.

Scotland edged in front through the boots of Chris Paterson and Ruaridh Jackson to lead 6- 3 at half-time. But the signs were ominous as time and time again the Scots tried to run the ball at a solid Puma defence and all too often were guilty of losing the ball in contact.

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