The Courier Week 52

Edition 52

www.thecourier.es

Friday, February 17, 2012

Newspaper of the Year!

a difference a year makes! It’s not week - and which you are now reading.

THE COURIER’S WHAT quite 365 days...but today we publish the So please excuse us if we head off for a 52nd issue of your favourite newspaper. little birthday party a bit further down the that, by our reckoning, makes us coast. Well, it’s more than a little one FIRST BIRTHDAY - ONEAndYEAR OLD in edition terms, if not really...the champagne corks may well be strictly to the day. popping until our second birthday!

If we are starting our celebrations early, We told you on Day One that the best AND HAVEN’T I’m sure you’ll forgive us. Because no things in life are FREE - and our aim from has ever worked harder to put that very first issue has been to make The WE DONE WELL! team together the package we provide each Courier better and better at no cost to our readers.

Senior director Barry The Costa’s No.1 newspaper - 100,000 readers can’t be wrong Newlove puts the paper’s

HAUNTED Now I DO believe, says sceptic Ian as ghost has its fling

Ian Vert and Shelley Mason: They want the ghost exorcised

DONNA GEE reports A SCARY sequence of bizarre events has convinced tormented expat Ian Vert that his rural finca is haunted.

And the 61-year-old expat has turned to an expert medium to exorcise the spirit, which he believes attached itself to him during a car journey from Alicante Airport to his home in Jacarilla on January 3. ‘’I had just come back from the UK and Mike Sweeney, the driver, had been telling me about ‘happenings’ in the haunted house he rented,’’ says Ian, who has been working as a carer in the UK. “Mike also showed me some pictures. I have always been very sceptical about the existence of ghosts so when

we got to my place, I said, ‘It’s all very interesting – but I don’t believe in that sort of thing. ‘’I am now convinced that the poltergeist, or whatever it is, decided ‘OK, I’ll show him’ – because Mike has had no problems since that day, and weird things are now hap-

pening at my place all the time.’’

Meanwhile, Mike, whose frightening experiences I wrote about three weeks ago, admits he actually misses the mischievous behaviour of his friendly poltergeist, which he says told him its name was ‘Alberto’ or

‘Roberto’. But Ian’s partner Shelley Mason is naturally uncomfortable after experiencing dozens of unusual events since returning from her own Christmas vacation three days after her partner.

By then, Edinburgh-born

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editorial success down to the fact he doesn’t interfere.

“I leave it to my Editor Donna Gee and the professionals - the wordsmiths,’’’ he says. “We have been called ‘The Sun in the sun’, which is a great compliment.

“We also have a great team of indidual writers, from Donna to Tony Mayes’ rants, Dave Silver’s highlyamusing Smile With Silver column and Alex Trelinski’s versatile handling of TV and politics.

So what does the future hold for the Paper of the Future? Back to Barry.

“We will continue to provide a quality newspaper and to forge stronger links with media partners,’’ he insists.

The Courier’s comprehensive package of the week’s Spanish and UK press headlines provides a unique service for those who refuse to spend €2.20 on the cheapest UK daily.

Not that we were ever far behind - particularly on press day.

Would any of our rivals dared to devote Page One to the death of Colonel Gadaffi? For the BIG stories, no expat newspaper is BIGGER than The Courier.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

I always said old forks homes are beyond a yolk TELEPHONE

96 692 1003 679 096 309 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 96 621 1003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 96 621 1003 616 332 178 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Therese Guardamar, La Marina, Santa pola, Gran Alacant Tel 616 332 178 Writers Donna Gee Amanda Black Sally Bengtsson Rebecca Marks Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Steve Bott Tony Mayes Jake Monroe

Affiliations

Picture of the Week

96 692 1003

MY HOME IS HAUNTED From Page One Ian had... l Discovered a large cross, which had been hanging on the lounge wall, mysteriously hanging in the disused cattery at the bottom of the garden over an African figure that had been moved there from the living area some time ago to ease a Christian visitor’s discomfort. l Heard footsteps and whispering outside his bedroom door on his first night at home – and understand-

ably slept with the light on for the next three nights. l Found a heavy rose quartz, which had been missing for months, on a coffee table in the morning room. l Experienced extreme cold in his bedroom, even with the heating on.

The poltergeist activity continued when Shelley returned. Much of the activi- Mike Sweeney: Regrets ty involved power surges and failures – and items were... l A mysterious shadow disappearing and then reapappearing beside Ian. pearing in a different place. l Water would not boil on Among the most dramatic

Alicante flying low on passengers ALICANTE’S El Altet airport lost almost 60,000 passengers during January.

The reduction of Ryanair and Air Europa flights, the disappearance of bankrupt Spanair and the strikes by Iberia pilots all hit airport passenger numbers.

The airport saw 424,309 passengers last month, down from 482,169 in January 2011, according to data released this week by airport authority, AENA.

Publication Published by Rainbow Media, S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 132 - 2011 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features.

Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non-appearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

the gas ring. “It would only be lukewarm after 45 minutes on full power,’’ says Ian. Chips also took 45 minutes to cook. l A wild cat being found in the locked cattery...even though there was no way in.

Likewise two live birds being trapped in the wood burning stove and a blackbird tapping on a bedroom window day after day.

Some of the events seem unbelievable, like a dinner plate lifting off the table by itself, witnessed by both Ian and Shelley, then tipping

Friday Partly cloudy High 14° Low 4° Chance of rain 4% Monday Showers High 14° Low 4° Chance of rain 60%

Tuesday Sunny High 14° Low 6° Chance of rain 60%

The number of British passengers fell by 3.7 per cent, although traffic from the UK still makes up 40 per cent of movement at the airport.

The much-publicised row over the use of passenger air bridges has seen Ryanair withdraw many routes and reduce flights.

The budget Irish airline moved 115,019 passengers this January, 26 per cent down on January 2011, with 33 per cent fewer flights.

Saturday Partly cloudy High 15° Low 3° Chance of rain 3% Wednesday Sunny High 20° Low 12° Chance of rain 0%

upside down and crashing to the floor.

The plate incident was last week – and also the umpteenth weird experience since Ian’s trip in Mike’s car. And he and Shelley have had enough.

“We just want a medium or someone who understands these things to exorcise the ghost or whatever it is,’’ they say.

Meanwhile, Mike Sweeney , his wife and two teenage children, have moved on – as has the poltergeist that disrupted their stay last year at a rented house near Guardamar.

But Mike admits: “I have to admit that in some ways I miss the mischief it used to get up to.

“At the end of the day, it was all harmless fun.’’

Sunday Sunny High 16° Lo 6° Chance of rain 3% Thursday Cloudy High 24° Lo 11° Chance of rain 0%

Friday, February 17, 2012

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YEAR WE GO! 100,000 READERS AND THE COSTA’S BEST NEWSPAPER - IN JUST 12 MONTHS

Now the world is starting to notice

The Courier is ONE today and boy have we delivered!

By Courier Editor DONNA GEE LIFE is not easy for free newspapers. One year ago, we entered a highly competitive market where our only real income is generated by advertising.

In the current economic climate, that spells a tough challenge. And when you have more than half a dozen rivals competing for the same thin slice of advertisers’ bread, I sometimes wonder how The Courier survives.

The answer is in the product.

Look at our rivals and look at The Courier. No prizes for telling us which of them LOOKS like a newspaper, rather than a thinly disguised advertising sheet.

From Day One, we have endeavoured to provide a professional package of news, views, fun and sport.

With that in mind, we put the editorial process in the hands of experienced career journalists.

And I really think people have started to notice...

100,000 thanks to every one of our readers!

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Friday, February 17, 2012

Clean up the spit, then the dog s*it!

HATS off to Enfield Council in north London, which has asked the Communities Secretary to approve a new bye-law making it an offence to spit in public, punishable by an £80 fixed penalty.

Let's hope this is followed across the UK - and in Spain, too. It is a disgusting, horrible habit and has no place in modern society.

It really makes me sick that there are people who think it acceptable to act in this way and spread their filth in public.

Unfortunately the council will not be using CCTV to catch people spitting in public. If it was left to me, that would be the

first thing I would do - coupled with its use to catch so called animal lovers who do not clean up after their dogs.

We went on a walk on paths north of Villa Martin last week and it was difficult to walk along the paths without putting a foot in dog poo. Oh, for a law which not only heavily fines owners for not cleaning up after dogs but also bans them from owning another dog for life.

Now that would cut the dog population, wouldn't it?

Perhaps a suitable punishment would be to have their faces rubbed in it.

The majority of offenders appear to be younger people, mostly men who have "macho" dogs as a status symbol.

They wouldn't be so macho if their faces were rubbed in dog filth in public.

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Another council story in the news concerned Bideford, which like many others up and down Britain have prayers before their meetings.

But a former councillor who is an atheist, took the matter to the High Court, where a judge has ruled that saying prayers as part of the meeting was illegal under the Local Government Act. Looking at the online correspondence

columns, you would have thought World War Three had been declared over this. In fact, all that has happened is that councils should not have "prayers" as an item on their agenda.

Councils can decide to have prayers before the meeting but not as part of it, and members can decide whether or not to participate.

Atheists have declared the ruling as a major victory. The faithful view it as an end of the world as they know it.

All it shows is how dreadfully divided Britain is today. Fair enough for people to turn their backs on religion if that is their wish, but unfortunately there is nothing to replace it and a moral code is lost in the process.

Yes, we hear of so many abominations carried out using religion as an excuse - one in the news this week involved a Muslim mother who almost beat her 19-year-old daughter to death because she dared to have a non-Muslim boyfriend.

This really is religion at its worst and why so many people are turning their backs on it. Sadly there are extremists in every faith, including Christianity, and they do their cause nothing but harm.

But we need a moral code so that society continues to know right from wrong. Take that away and we're on a slippery slope to disaster.

Christians fear that atheists will use the court decision to try to force an end to prayers being said in schools and even in Parliament.

My thought is that councillors and politicians need prayers to remind them of the need to put society first and not their own self interests, as has been seen so often recently. Get my drift?

Yet another council story which caught my eye concerned North Somerset Council, which cares for a flower bed in WestonS u p e r - M a r e .

Apparently the flower bed was a blaze of colour in summer, but when most of the flowers died they were removed, leaving behind only winter hardy plants.

Fair enough, you would think, except some barmy person thought they were the shape of a large Swastika, and made such a fuss that the council has been forced to dig up the plants. No hope for Britain, is there?

Marvellous, isn't it, that the message is finally getting through to the rich that their obsession with money is not acceptable. We're finally seeing banking bosses turning

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down part or all of their obscene bonuses. What we now want to see is greedy company directors and top executives restricting their obscene pay rises to the same percentages they grant to their employees.

We probably have to wait until hell freezes over to see it, but as a start, it's good that there are moves to cut tax relief on pension savings to 20 per cent on those paying the higher rate of tax.

It is about time we saw an end to successive right wing governments pandering to the rich and Labour pandering to those living on benefits who could work and choose not to.

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New York has passed legislation making it illegal for shops to keep their doors wide open in Arctic conditions.

Good for them -- and it's about time Britain and the rest of the world followed. It really is crazy that while people struggled to keep themselves warm in their own homes during the cold blast from Russia, shopkeepers thought it acceptable to put heaters on full blast and keep doors open so that all the heat pours out.

It all adds up to a million pound fuel bill across Britain, and shoppers pay for it in higher prices for goods and services.

It was one of my pet hates when I was living and working in the UK - shopkeepers thought that if their doors were closed, would-be customers would think the shop was not open and would pass by. Utter nonsense - if every shop closed its doors in winter, people would soon get used to opening a door and closing it behind them.

It's the same story here in Spain - during the recent cold spell there were many shops with their doors open and staff freezing their socks off inside. What madness!

And on the subject of keeping doors closed, so often I would visit people living in council (social) housing and they failed to close doors behind them.

They seemed oblivious that the heat they built up from fires in their homes poured out of an open door. Another example of people living on benefits not living in the real world, methinks.

GARZON: HUMAN RIGHTS AND WRONGS THE career of Spain’s celebrated human rights judge Baltasar Garzon was effectively ended last week when the Supreme Court convicted him of illegal wiretapping.

Garzon, who won international fame for pursuing human rights abusers including Pinochet, Osama bin Laden and Nazi war criminals, was sentenced to an 11-year suspension from duty as a judge or magistrate in what was seen by many as a politically motivated trial.

By AMANDA BLACK As Garzon is 56, it seems unlikely he will work as a judge in Spain again. He is still awaiting judgement in a second trial for trying to investigate atrocities of the Franco era, which the prosecution alleged was a breach of an amnesty into crimes from this period.

If found guilty he could face a further 20-year ban from office. Garzon argues that the acts were crimes against humanity and not

subject to any amnesty.

The judge’s supporters insist the trials are politically motivated bids to silence Garzon and to stop him from investigating crimes committed during Spain’s 19361939 Civil War and subsequent Franco dictatorship – still a particularly sensitive era for many Spaniards.

In this first case, Garzon was found guilty of illegally wiretapping conversations between lawyers and their jailed clients – suspects in a

corruption probe that alleges payments by businessmen to PP officials in return for lucrative contracts.

Garzon argued that the wiretaps were legal because the lawyers themselves were implicated in the case and he wanted to prevent suspected money-laundering while the suspects were in jail.

Speaking outside the court after the verdict was announced, Javier Baena, Garzon’s lawyer, said: “We

shall carry on fighting, carry on appealing. We have a long road ahead, but I believe both he and I are more than strong enough.”

Garzon has been sus-

pended as a judge in Spain since May 2010 when the charges were brought against him and has been working as a consultant at the International Criminal Court in The Hague.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Corruption rife, say 88% of Spaniards SPAIN is ranked fourth out of the eurozone countries in a survey measuring citizens’ perception of corruption.

The survey, by Eurobarometer, found that almost nine out of every ten Spaniards –88 per cent – believe that corruption is a major problem.

Within the eurozone, only in Greece (98 per cent), Portugal (97) and Slovenia (95) is the problem perceived as greater.

Concern about corruption has grown in the European Union in the past three years to the extent that three-quarters of Europeans now believe corruption is one of the biggest problems in their country.

The European Commission estimates that corruption costs about 120,000 million euros per year in the EU. In recent years, Spain has seen a number

of major corruption cases come to court involving high profile political figures, businessmen and even the King’s own son-inlaw.

Spain is among the EU states where corruption is less associated with organised crime. Instead, the Spanish see corruption as clearly a political illness, not only nationally but also regionally and locally.

National politicians are considered the most corrupt in Spain, with 78 per cent believing that bribes and power abuses are commonplace.

In the case of regional politicians, 68 per cent consider corruption rife, while local politics fares little better with a figure of 67 per cent.

Some 83 per cent think that corruption sentences are too lenient.

A UNITED Nations committee has demanded that Spain condemn Guardia Civil officers responsible for the drowning of an illegal Senegalese immigrant.

The UN Committee against Torture made the call this week after an investigation into the death of a 29-yearold man in September 2007.

Lauding Sonko died as he was trying to reach Spanish shores from Morocco.

It is claimed that Guardia Civil officers boarded the boat containing three subSaharan men – including Sonko – and a woman, taking them into Moroccan waters

before puncturing floats.

The four were forced to jump into the water but Sonko couldn’t swim.

He allegedly grabbed onto the rail of the Guardia vessel but was pushed off.

When the officers realised he was in trouble, one of them jumped into the sea and dragged Sonko to shore. Efforts to revive him were unsuccessful.

The UN has ordered ‘an effective and impartial’ investigation be carried out by Spain and that compensation is paid to Sonko’s family.

Immigrant drowning: UN demands probe

65 years wed...a love record for Valentine’s

Enduring love was celebrated in Torrevieja on Valentine’s Day as the couple thought to have the longest marriage in the city were honoured by mayor Eduardo Dolón.

Félix Iglesias and Felisa Chico were married on a cold December day in 1946 in Valtiendas, a small town in the province of Segovia.

More than 65 years later, and still very much in love, they joined other couples with longlasting marriages at the Centro Municipal de Ocio, better known by its 9,000 retiree and pensioner users as the Disco of the Third Age.

During a break in the marathon daily dance session the mayor, along with councillor Inmaculada Montesinos, handed awards to the eight finalists with the longest marriages.

Félix, 88, and Felisa, 87, told how they retired to Torrevieja 20 years ago.

He was a farmer but moved to Barcelona to work as a mason. Félix and Felisa, who have five children, were delighted to win the longest marriage award.

Can you, or perhaps your parents, beat Felix and Felisa? If you have been married for more than 65 years, The Courier would love to interview you.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

And the $31bn bride will wear...Zara AS the daughter of Spain’s richest man, and seventh richest man in the world, Marta Ortega could order a gown for her upcoming wedding that would make even the wealthiest WAG choke on her champagne.

Instead, the 28-year-old showjumper will wear Zara when she ties the knot with fiancé Sergio Alvarez tomorrow (Saturday).

It will probably be the only thing ‘high street’ about the wedding of the daughter of Amancio Ortega, Inditex fashion boss and founder of Zara, who is thought to be worth a cool $31 billion.

Marta Ortega: Her father is boss of Inditex

The wedding is set to take place in the stunning surroundings of the 17th century walled country estate in La Coruña owned by the bride’s father.

And the dress will not exactly be off the peg, as Zara’s designers have created it especially for the boss’s daughter.

Amancio Ortega founded Zara in 1975, creating parent company Inditex empire a decade later. Inditex includes Zara, Pull & Bear, Massimo Dutti, Bershka, Stradivarius, Oysho, Zara Home and Uterqüe and an impressive portfolio of 5,400 stores worldwide.

Fugitive Djindjic assassin was living near Benidorm - police BRIT DIES IN FIRE A BRITISH man has been killed in a fire in Granada.

The unnamed 30-year-old was found just three metres from the door, suggesting he was trying to escape before being overcome by fumes.

The blaze in the eighth floor apartment is thought to have started after a heater caught fire.

The man, who lived in Restabal, Andalucía, was housesitting for a friend at the time. Emergency workers tried for nearly an hour to revive him. He died of carbon monoxide inhalation and police said the death was accidental.

By SALLY BENGTSSON TWO men believed to have been behind the 2003 killing of Serbian Prime Minister Zoran Djindjic have been arrested in Valencia.

Zoran Djindjic: He was killed by a sniper in 2003

Spain’s doctors in nationwide rebellion against health cuts DOCTORS across Spain have joined together to condemn cuts to the health service.

In a campaign launched this week, under the banner ‘Doctors rebelling against cuts’, the Spanish Medical College branded the situation “critical” and said “doctors should reject indiscriminate, disproportionate cuts and

By AMANDA BLACK denounce their consequences and rebel against them”.

According to the manifesto of the Medical College, the economic and financial crisis has led the health service to “a critical situation that requires solutions from the highest political authorities of

our country”.

The College said that the medical profession “should not accept funding cuts that result in loss of quality of care to patients, especially when the effects fall on the poor, weak, elderly, disadvantaged and vulnerable.”

The College of Physicians of Alicante joined the protest, drawing particular attention to “indiscriminate and disproportionate” health cuts forced in Valencia because of the appalling state of the region’s finances.

Antonio Arroyo , president of the College of Physicians of Alicante, warned that the cuts will increase surgery waiting times.

Arroyo said that it would take magic for hospitals to maintain the same stan-

Rosa Fuster dards despite the cuts. He also condemned the lack of consultation with doctors before cuts were decided.

President of the College of Physicians of Valencia, Rosa Fuster, said that her members believed control of health should be taken from the regions and transferred to Madrid.

“The doctors ask that if the Valencia government is not competent that they give up their powers,” said Fuster.

Luca Bojovic and Vladimir Milisavljevic were detained in a restaurant in the city last Thursday, police announced.

Bojovic, 39, is also wanted in connection with 20 murders in Serbia, the Netherlands and Spain.

The reformist prime minister was killed by a sniper as he was about to enter the government building in the Serbian capital, Belgrade.

Bojovic, as head of the notorious western Balkan Zemun clan, is believed to have ordered the killing, while Milisavljevic pulled the trigger.

Milisavljevic has already been convicted in Serbia for his part in the assassination and sentenced to 35 years for the Djindjic murder and to another 40 years for other crimes. He had been on the run since 2007.

The arrest came when police stormed the restaurant as Bojovic met with Milasavljevic and other members of the Zemun clan at the Valencia restaurant.

Spanish police had been helping Serbian counterparts track Bojovic after it was discovered he was living in a small town outside Benidorm with his wife and children. His children were enrolled under their real names in a local school, where they were good students.

Twelve men, including Milisavljevic, were convicted in 2007 of roles in Djindjic’s assassination, but several remain at large after going on the run.

On Saturday, High Court Judge Fernando Andreu ordered the four Serbians be held in custody on weapons and other charges.

On Monday, Interior Minister Jorge Fernández met with Serbia’s ambassador to Spain, Jela Bacovic, who thanked him for Spain’s assistance in arresting the fugitives.

Serbia is now asking for their extradition.

Sport’s drug poser SPANISH sport does have a problem with doping, sports minister José Ignacio Wert has admitted.

Speaking in the wake of the controversy over a French TV show’s jibes about drugged-up Spanish athletes, Wert said: “We have a problem with doping, so we will try to approve the unification of doping law to meet the requirements of the World Anti-Doping Code of WADA because it is a crucial aspect for Madrid 2020.”

Wert denied that he had criticised France over the TV programme, saying his criticisms were aimed only at the show itself.

The satirical puppet show, Les Guignols de l’Info, included latex puppets of Spanish sports stars in scenes that insinuated drug use. Among the targets were cyclist Alberto Contador and tennis superstar Rafael Nadal.

Meanwhile, Spanish PM, Mariano Rajoy, defended Spanish sports achievements at a reception for the Davis Cup tennis team this week. “Behind all this is a lot of work, a lot of effort, a lot of sacrifice,” he said.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

ROLLING BACK THE YURRS IN South Wales, people pronounce the words ‘ear’ and ‘year’ identically. Come to think of it, they also pronounce ‘here’ and ‘hear’ as if they rhyme with stir or purr.

Just say ‘purr’ as if it began with ‘y’ (i.e yurr) and you’ve nailed it - four different words that sound exactly the same.

Right, the scene is set...

When I was a child in Cardiff, I was fascinated by a newspaper vendor who

had the bottom of his right ear missing (OK, maybe it was his left, I can’t remember).

The guy was probably in his 40s and was very vociferous - particularly when football fans were around How he lost that chunk of ear I have no idea. But he was a legend in the city, if only for the nickname the community had bestowed on him - and particularly the thousands of football fans who swept past him on their way to and from

Cardiff City matches at Ninian Park.

In those days, it wasn’t unusual for people to be saddled with nicknames related to their jobs, such as Dai the Milk, Idris the Bread etc. Well, this aurally challenged South Wales Echo seller was known simply as ‘Dai 18 Months’.

Why? Now this is where the accent thing comes in.

Because he only had a yurr and a half.

(I promise you, it’s a lot funnier when you actually hear the punchline!)

SIGN OF THE TIMES...in Quesada.

From reader Declan McCardle

THE GINGER KET: A TRUE FURRY TALE ONE of the most noticeable aspects of expat life is that you are part of a diverse representation of the British people.

Not like in the UK, where the vast majority of those you interact with are from your own locality.

The row of six villas opposite my house in El Raso are owned by people of six different nationalities, including all four home nations.

Throw in a Ukrainian and a Pole and I’ve got a ticket to watch the Europa League.

My pick of the accents around me has to be that of my Welsh neighbours June and Graham, whose accent is so reminiscent of my late father. The old man hailed from a Charm Dynasty in South Wales (well, an anagram of it anyway – no one believes there’s actually a place called Ystrad Mynach, let alone that anyone was born there).

I’ve always been fascinated by accents. Back in Manchester, where my two daughters and six grandkids live, the obligatory greeting seems to be ‘’Hiya, yorerite?’’ (which in English equates to ‘‘are you all right?’’).

Out here in Spain, you hear just about every accent under the sun, some of them so garbled you swear they are Martians.

But it’s great fun guessing the hometown of the people you chat with in any bar because they are as likely to be from Newcastle, Nottingham or Norwich as from Brighton, Bristol or Basingstoke.

My roots are in South Wales but I’ve spent well over half my life in

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Manchester. To hear a valleys accent in Lancashire is as rare as finding a Man United fan who’s not from London or Dublin. But stray 1,500 miles south to the Costas and there seem to be Taffs all around you. I love it – makes me feel 20 again. Don’t it, mun!

I’m actually pretty good at recognising accents, having been fascinated by speech patterns ever since having a bizarre childhood

spat with my maternal grandmother at her Birmingham home..

Grandma Davis had a ginger cat called Marmaduke (or perhaps it was Marmalade?). She was also a Brummie – albeit a refined one. ‘’Grandma, where’s the cat?’’ asked this nosey little Welsh waif. ‘’Cart, what cart?’’ echoed the old lady’s voice from the kitchen. ‘’I didn’t say cart, grandma, I said cat,’’ I called back. ‘’What do you mean ‘CART’? was her indignant response this time. ‘’The CAT!’’ I shouted. ‘’Marmaduke. the CAT.’’ Grandma suddenly realised what I meant. ‘’Oh, you mean the KET! You kept saying CART.’’’ ‘’It’s not a KET, it’s a CAT,’’ I pleaded, but Grandma wouldn’t have it. ‘’They don’t teach you proper English in those Welsh schools,’’ she tut-tutted. ‘’It’s a KET– please stop saying CART.’’ My 12-year-old granddaughter Daisy absolutely adores that story and makes me repeat it perpetually. But that’s exactly how it was…I really threw the ket among the pigeons that morning!

To this day, the subject of accents regularly throws up amusing incidents and anecdotes.So which British or Irish accent is the most difficult to understand?

Brummie, Geordie, Glasgow, Derry? My personal No.1 is pure Barnsley – born of a foggy winter afternoon when I parked my car on a piece of waste ground purporting to be a car park and was chased by a steward yelling: ‘‘Thah’s lift thee leets oon.’’ ‘’I’m sorry, I don’t understand,’’ I said after he repeated the phrase. ‘’Yoov left yer bloody lights on!’’ he said, realising he was talking to a stupid foreigner.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

One man and his cat I LOVE my three grandchildren dearly but the youngest one is fixated with Thomas the flaming Tank Engine. And it's driving me nuts.

Cinders and ashes! If I have to watch another television episode about that damned smiley-faced train and its mates, steam is likely to pour out of my ears and I fear my firebox will explode.

Mrs S suggested that I should not watch the programmes on my own.

'But I have to see them before he does,' I countered.

'Our grandson is only three.

What if something scares him? I'd never forgive myself.'

Mrs S looked incredulous.

'What on earth is there in a Thomas and Friends episode that might possibly frighten the little feller?'

I thought for a moment.

'Well, for a start I don't trust that obese controller bloke.

'I think he's going to run amok one day and do for the lot of them – that’s nice Emily included.'

Mrs S shook her head.

'You really are peculiar. You really, really are.'

'Okay, I got your meaning without all those reallys,' I said. 'But I consider myself a responsible peculiar person and I'm still going to vet each episode.'

As I turned on the telly to catch up with events on the island of Sodor I heard a startled yowling sound followed moments later by a hammering on my front door.

My neighbour was standing on the doorstep. He didn't look best pleased.

'My cat has just gone hysterical!'

'And?' I responded because I honestly didn't know what else to say.

'Are you going to apologise or not?' the neighbour

SPANISH photographer Samuel Aranda’s moving photo of a veiled woman cradling a wounded man in her arms has won the coveted World Press Photo prize for 2011.

Taken in Yemen, the photo (pictured right) captured a moment in the conflict when demonstrators used a mosque in Sanaa as a field hospital to treat the wounded. But judges chose the picture because they felt it spoke more broadly of the

Arab Spring.

“The winning photo shows a poignant, compassionate moment, the human consequence of an enormous event…” said the jury chair, Aidan Sullivan.

“We might never know who this woman is, cradling an injured relative, but together they become a living image of the courage of ordinary people that helped create an important chapter in the history of the Middle East.”

demanded.

'Just one second,' I said to him.

I put the front door on the chain (or the chain on the front door -- I never know which is the correct way to say it) and turned to Mrs S. 'Tell me I'm having one of my episodes. Either that or our neighbour has just gone insane.'

'Hmmm,' she replied. 'It could be a bit of both.'

I unchained the front door.

The doorstep was empty.

My goodness, I had imagined the whole confrontation.

Then I noticed my neighbour clinging on desperately halfway up a tree. He was attempting to reach the higher branches.

He shouted down to me: 'Apologise to my Babycakes immediately or he won't come down.'

I turned to Mrs S again. 'I want you to phone the fire

brigade to come rescue a cat with the dumbest name I've ever heard.

'And then I want you to phone for an ambulance because I believe either me or the neighbour needs to be sectioned.

'Either way, a visit from the paramedics should prove worthwhile.'

I left the house, strode over to the tree and shouted up: 'If I've offended you in any way I apologise. I couldn't wish for anyone nicer living next door to me.'

'Why are you apologising to me?' cried the neighbour, gesticulating wildly and almost falling off his branch.

'It's the cat you should be saying sorry to.'

ARANDA SNAPS UP TOP PHOTO AWARD

'I WAS talking to the cat!' I said.

At that point I wanted to quit the scene, retire to my bed and pull the duvet over my pounding head.

My neighbour at last offered an explanation for the cat's odd behaviour.

'When you and your missus were having a dialogue before, you said you were going to vet episodes of Thomas the Tank Engine.

'It was your mention of the word 'vet.' that did it. My Babycakes overheard your remark through the party wall and misunderstood.

'You see, my moggy HATES going to the vet. He is PHOBIC about the vet.'

Well, whatever I had said in all innocence had now paled into insignificance because my neighbour had just uttered the unutterable word 'vet' no fewer than FOUR times.

And at each mention the cat had screamed and clawed his way further up the tree.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my youngest grandson being untethered from his dad's car and he was running up the path

towards me.

'Hello, grandpa!' he called. 'I wanna watch Thomas the Tank Engine.'

I held up a warning hand.

'Don't even go there, lad.

I'm in enough trouble.'

My grandson looked upwards and pointed.

'Look, grandpa! There's a pussy cat and a funny man in the tree. I don't wanna watch Thomas now. I wanna watch this.'

And then the cavalry arrived in the form of the fire brigade.

My grandson sat in the garden chuckling with delight as Babycakes and his owner were brought down the ladder.

My neighbour looked somewhat sheepish as he clutched his traumatised cat to his chest.

'Sorry about that,' he mumbled. 'It's just that Babycakes is so temperamental.'

'You can say that again,' I concurred, hoping that he wouldn't.

'I have never met an animal so highly-strung,' I went on. 'Perhaps you should take him to the vet.'

Aaaargh . . .

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Friday, February 17, 2012

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH I HOPE you got on well with last week’s Word search and managed to find all ten. These are the words I am sure you all got… verano, viernes, lunes, una, los, otoño, verano, agosto, media, dos

PRONUNCIATION Now you know how to pronounce the letters in Spanish, we are going to learn the specifics of where to stress a word. There is an easy rule to remember when thinking about where to put the emphasis.

All words are stressed on the last syllable except: 1) If they end in a vowel or N or S 2) The word has an accent, in which case that syllable is stressed.

The endings rule is best remembered by thinking of the word SANE. That will keep the S and N in your mind and keep you sane when trying to stress a word.

How to stress a syllable The best way to think about stressing the syllable or letter is to say it slightly louder than the rest of the word and to lengthen the end of the syllable slightly. It is a skill which with practice becomes easier and goes a long way to not only being understood in Spanish, but also makes you sound Spanish. While you are practising, it is good practice to over-emphasise the syllable, really lengthen it, make it a long sound. Then, as you become more used to speaking, the syllables will shorten naturally but the stress will still be there.

Where to stress Endings in consonants other than N or S Example: The Spanish word for winner is ganador, it ends in an R so the last syllable is stressed…gana DOR All Spanish verbs in their normal form (to speak, to learn, to live etc) end in AR, ER or IR therefore they are all stressed at the end hablAR, aprendER, vivIR Endings in N,S or a vowel But when we get into talking about who is doing the action, they may end in a vowel or N or S Examples: I speak HAblo; I learn – ApRENdo; I live - Vivo So, it is important to know how a word is spelt in order to pronounce it correctly, although most people will get the idea if you say the word slowly and confidently.

The second point is about accents.

This is important because there are words which are spelt the same in Spanish but mean two different things when an accent is added to one.

Sí and si mean Yes and If, in that order.

Although it is a small word it can be stressed differently.

When you want to say Yes – ´sÍ´ – push down on the I (which we know is an E as in ´easy´ sound) but if you are saying If, then it´s a crisper sound, make it sound short ´Si´ Another example of this is the words esta and está.

Without an accent it means ‘this’, as in ´esta mañana´ (this morning) and with the accent it means he/she/it is as in ´está feliz´ (he is happy).

So to pronounce esta, you are lengthening the E sound ehhsta and to say está , it is more crisp and said quickly

with slightly more emphasis on the á, which sounds like the a in alphabet.

Try saying esta and está and hear the difference as you emphasise the different letters.

The best way to practise your emphasis is to listen to

Spanish people talking, hear where they put the stress and do the same. Once you know the simple rules above, then pronouncing Spanish words becomes a lot easier.

For this week’s homework, underline the syllable or letter which is stressed in the following words: MUJER HOMBRE CHICO CHICA MAÑANA VERANO MIÉRCOLES TORREVIEJA MARINA CAFÉ AEROPUERTO CERVEZA VINO TRADUCCIÓN BOCADILLO

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Friday, February 17, 2012

WHY DO THEY DO THAT? Top dog psychologist PETER SINGH reveals the recipe for true human contentment.

If YOUR dog or cat is giving you problems, email peter@thedogyouneed.com

THE DOG ROUTE TO HAPPINESS ONE of the most important things I have to do when I visit a dog on a consultation is change the way the human is thinking.

Whether the human is suffering from depression, anxiety, frustration or anger, I help to change their emotions from unbalanced to balanced. Without this, the dog will not change.

The techniques I teach work on anyone, regardless of whether they have a dog or not.

My sister, Marie, is a classic example. She doesn’t have a dog, but she has taken my teachings on board and her life has changed dramatically. Marie now wakes up each day and looks forward to life in a way that is a joy to witness.

So whether you have a dog or not, you may be worrying about certain situations on a daily basis. It could be money worries, job worries, relationship worries. Whatever it is, why not come with me on a journey of balance?

If you are sceptical, fine, but just give me seven days to convince you that you can achieve balance.

I was raised on a council estate in South London and grew up in and around violence, so I am living proof that no matter what your background, this will work.

In order for it to work you need to give it a try. You need to actually do it. What have you got to lose? Nothing. So let’s go!

I mentioned in one of my recent articles how we should follow the wisdom of a dog.

There are four steps. They are big steps, but ones that will give you peace and joy.

The first is to let go of your ego.

Your ego is so damaging, not just to yourself but to others around you. It’s the ‘I’m right and you’re wrong’ mentality. It’s the thinking that you have to outdo people. It makes you feel that it is you against the rest of the world.

Let it go! It is the main cause of misery in humans.

The second step is forgiveness.

By not forgiving, this just does only one thing to you. It makes you a bitter human being. Furthermore, it bolsters your ego. The last thing your ego wants you to do is forgive.

Third, live in the moment.

Don’t sit there thinking of the past or the future. Don’t hold on to things that have hurt you in the past and definitely don’t look to the future with uncertainty or fear. Life is a holiday and who knows whether you have 20 minutes, 20 hours, 20 days or 20 years left.

Learn from dogs: They have no ego, they forgive, they live in the moment and they follow calm

Let your ego go, learn to forgive - and you are half way there The fourth step is just as important as the others but it is the glue that holds it all together. It’s the foundation of what will keep you on the road which only people filled with peace and joy walk.

The fourth step is called calm.

technique twice a day, you will not want to have your newfound peace broken by ego. You also won’t want it broken by disagreements, so will find yourself forgiving more. By living in the moment and not the past or the future, well that one is just addictive!

Finally, by practising your 20 minutes of calm each day, you will find that this erases the knot or tight sensation in your solar plexus, which is replaced by a calm feeling of content.

Your 20 minutes of relaxation each day can be sitting in silence or can also be a guided meditation, which you can obtain on CDs or through the internet. You will find yourself not losing your temper or getting frustrated as you maybe once did. This positive aspect will happen because you are now storing calm.

You must remember that the mind was always designed to be ‘switched off’ at times, but few humans ever do this.

Sometimes, when I look into a dog’s eyes I know that they are witnessing and trying to digest the same craziness I try to on a daily basis - and that craziness is this.

Humans are concerned with the way they look, so they go to a gym to get a better physique, or they are concerned with their hairstyle so they go to a salon and get their hair cut or coloured. They are concerned with the clothes they buy, so they go shopping for the latest fashions.

They want the better car, and get it they will. They want the ‘ideal partner’, so they go in search of them as a hunter would its prey. But how many humans look after or nurture the most important thing about them? Their mind.

As you will know by now, my teachers are not human. My teachers are dogs. They have taught me all I write on these pages.

When I visit clients’ houses and turn their dogs’ emotions from aggression to calm, the client sometimes showers me with high levels of praise.

That praise should not be aimed at me. It should be aimed at dogs. Because I am just practising what they taught me.

I am just the messenger.

You have to be calm. But calm is an emotion you can’t just wake up one day and promise you will be. You have to work at it and nurture it.

How you do that is simple. Every morning and every evening you give yourself ten minutes of relaxation. By relaxation, I don’t mean reading a book or viewing your favourite TV show. What I am asking you to do is so simple that most humans have great difficulty doing it.

I am asking you to STOP THINKING. To shut the mind down, as you would a Computer, and close your eyes twice each day, with no interruptions such as mobile phones, radios or human chitter chatter.

Just sit there in silence with no worries or anxieties. Think of nothing. At first you will find that thoughts invade your mind, but you will also notice the more you do it, the less the thoughts arrive. Also don’t try too hard at stopping any thoughts from entering your mind. The harder you try to stop any thoughts, the more there will be, so just DO YOU need to transport your pet between relax.

Spain and the UK? Peter Singh provides a If thoughts arise, just imagine them as waves under a relaxing and peaceful mode of travelling with his peaceful, still ocean. pet transport service. Check it out at What you will then find is that by practising this relaxation www.europeanpettransport. com

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Peter Singh will be advising dog owners in The Courier ’s circulation area from March 1-7. To book a private consultation , email him at peter@thedogyouneed.com

Friday, February 17, 2012

LÍNEA DIRECTA LAUNCHES AN ON LINE SERVICE OFFERING LEGAL ASSISTANCE IN ENGLISH • The service, offered by practising registered lawyers, will advise the company’s customers on Spanish legislation in areas such as housing, consumption, family law, labour law, motoring queries and penal law.

• The service will provide 24 hour assistance in the case of urgent enquiries, the checking and editing of documents and discounts of up to 50% on lawyers’ fees if further action is required.

Línea Directa, market leader in the sale of direct insurance in Spain, has launched an online service offering legal assistance to its customers, which will advise those policyholders purchasing this cover on areas such as housing, consumption, family law, labour law and penal law.

Línea Directa’s new cover, the price of which will be up to 40% more economical than the market average, will answer queries on buying and selling, renting and house renovations.

24-hour assistance for urgent enquiries The service of Legal Assistance for Motorists operates from Monday to Friday from 8am to 10pm. In the case of urgent enquiries, such as emergencies in the home, incidents occurring at night affecting families – including spouses or children – such as theft, credit cards being blocked or unreturned, or damage caused by pets, Línea Directa will offer a service 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

In both cases, the customer must call 902 400 613 or email atencionjuridica@lineadirecta.es.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

Mum’s the word SO, Beyoncé has a month-old baby girl and is already lavishing the little bundle of joy with expensive gifts, much to the disgust of many who feel she is being thoroughly spoilt. But should we be so judgmental? baby every Doesn´t deserve this start in life?

Doesn´t every baby have the right to be born into a family with love and security and a future full of the best things in life?

Surely as long as mum and dad love their baby and instill in them the values of right and wrong and teach them that the truly wonderful things in life cannot be bought, then why chastise new parents for wanting the best for their child? criticise the We don´t women in Africa for having a

LET’S NOT SPOIL BEYONCÉ’S NAPPINESS it.

It is not an ideal environment to be brought up in but that should not negate the famous from having children.

It is up to Beyoncé and Jay Z, Ivy´s dad, to ensure that the little girl has as normal a childhood as possible and is not thrown into the public glare every time there is a record to promote, or a book or film.

Plenty of the Hollywood elite have children and manage to keep them away from the media glare. However, as Beyonce with husband Jay Z and, right, reportedly cuddling baby daughter Ivy the papers have already Blue. However, internet sources claim this photograph is actually a fake been full of the suite that baby knowing they have not I, for one, feel a bit sorry world from her parents. But Beyoncé took over to have the means nor wherewithal for baby Ivy Blue, or Mini she will nevertheless grow her scheduled Caesarean, to look after it and give it the Beyoncé as no doubt she will up in the spotlight of the and discovered how much best life, so why criticise a become. This little girl will world’s glare. She will not be they paid to get it decorated couple who have everything want for nothing and hopeful- able to sneeze without the and to hire, I feel little Ivy will a child could want? ly have all the love in the whole world knowing about have to learn very fast which

is her good side and how to pout for the cameras. Which is a shame.

We only have to look at Liza Minelli to see what those born into fame have to cope with - and her ordeal began before the media frenzy with fame that we have now. That was pre-internet, pre-24 hour news, pre-obsession with fame.

So, back to my point, let´s not condemn Beyoncé and Jay Z for buying the best presents money can buy for their little one. We all buy the best we can afford for our children, even if that best is from a todo shop. And let´s reserve judgment on their parenting skills until we have seen first-hand how they shape up as mum and dad; after all, it is not an easy job.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

QUEEN’S COLONIAL IRRITATION IS A PAIN IN BACKSIDE THERE isn’t much left of the good old British Empire these days, but what Her Majesty the Queen has left of her colonies is being given a right old Hispanic earbashing right now.

Take the Falkland Islands with a miniscule resident population of humans that is easily trumped by Pingu and his mates waddling around on the shore. Thirty-odd years ago we as Brits knew nothing, or frankly cared little about those South Atlantic islands until events took a dramatic turn in the spring of 1982 with the Argentinian invasion. Then names like Port Stanley, Goose Green and the Belgrano all became very familiar to us.

For political reasons, General Galtieri and his military junta in Buenos Aires thought an occupation of the ‘Malvinas’ would go down very nicely with his subjects, as they took what they thought belonged to them in the first place.

One Task Force later, along with the loss of lives on both sides, the Argentinians were sent packing quickly, and barring some occasional verbal posturings, there’s been little hassle over the last three decades.

It appears that all the recent fervour has been stoked up by the popular Argentinian President, Cristina Fernandez de Kircher (pictured). Her high approval ratings in the opinion polls are staggering, but in her second term of office, the economic situation is looking poor.

She’s also been encouraged by her Latin American neighbours flexing their muscles against their former European and American masters. So there is a similarity to when the Junta were in a financial mess back in 1982 before embarking on their disastrous adventure, except for the crucial fact that Argentina is now very much a democracy. But with de Kircher wanting to re-write the constitution to run for a third term, what better than a bit of popular sabre-rattling, which will not amount to much more than that.

The Royal Navy will certainly hope so, as the defence cuts

mean that even the Somali pirates would give them a good run for their money these days. I also wonder if de Kircher has been inspired by a visit to her local fleapit to check out Meryl Streep’s performance as The Iron Lady?

That would be an interesting lesson indeed!

Closer to home, that bit of rock some six hours drive south of us, Gibraltar, has caused some flexing of vocal muscles in Madrid, which is hardly a surprise with the new PP government. The Foreign Minister has accused the UK of breaking certain agreements by not wanting to discuss Gibraltar on a recent visit by the British Europe minister to Madrid.

I’m not quite sure what there is to discuss, as even the Barbary Apes stuck their paws in the air during the last Gib referendum to stick with the Brits. It’s all a load of hot air, and remember that even old General Franco didn’t manage to get the tanks rolling down the streets of La Linea over the border.

Mind you, he didn’t have a branch of Morrisons to visit!

Have you ever heard of a guy called David Halpern (pictured above)? I hadn’t until I read a crackpot story

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in one of the papers. This guy is paid out of the UK public coffers to work, and wait for this, as the boss of Downing Street’s “Behavioural Nudge Unit”. The job of the BNU, which sounds like a nasty right-wing party, is to advise the government on changing people’s behaviour, without forcing them to do it! All you need is Sir Humphrey to appear and you seem to have a script straight out of “Yes Minister”!

It gets even better. Halpern has suggested that many people should never ever retire, as they get lonely. He also said that they should sell the family homes they may have spent all their lives in, and downsize, whatever their feelings might be.

How socially caring this is of Mr.Halpern, who I’m sure will grab the first chance he gets to put on his retirement gown, courtesy of the public purse, whilst enjoying life in his personal mansion.

Of course, it’s all about saving public money and stiffing millions of people who’ve dutifully paid their contributions over many years. Some anonymous spokesman from the Cabinet Office quickly poured gallons of cold water on Halpern’s comments, saying he wasn’t making any specific policy suggestions.

If that wasn’t the case, then why has he got direct access to the Prime Minister? Surely it’s not just to whisper sweet nothings into his ear?

IF I worked for the Humberside Police, I’d be quaking in my boots right now and checking my truncheon on a regular basis. Why? As part of the UK government’s plans to have elected Americanstyle police commissioners, Hull’s very own bruiser, Lord John Prescott (pictured), wants to run for the job.

Don’t these dinosaurs of yesteryear ever understand the meaning of retirement? You’d have thought that Prezza would have had enough on his plate (and I‘m not just talking fish and chips), being a peer and counting all that nice compensation money he got over his phone being hacked.

Or perhaps he just misses hearing the sound of his voice, as he pushes people around?

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Friday, February 17, 2012

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

DUMPED IN THE FROZEN NORTH Uncaring Ryanair made stranded passengers find own way from Newcastle to Stansted

Daniel de Carval ho

End Spain’s pain sell the Embassies

WE took off early on Flight 8027 from Murcia on February 4, so assumed the weather was OK at our destination, Stansted.

But when we got there, we were told we would have to fly around to wait to land - which we did for a hour.

Then we were told we were going to Newcastle to refuel before returning to land at Stansted.

On landing at Newcastle, the message was that we were in a queue to get refuelled, which would take time. An hour later, we were told to disembark to meet a Ryanair rep.

Was there anybody to meet us? NO! And there never was going to be.

The captain and crew all went to a warm hotel, leaving 300 traumatised people to fend for themselves. It was a case of get home on your own.

Among the stranded were elderly people, one lady who had obviously been in an accident and was in plaster, and two Spanish students who did not speak English and wondered what was going on.

Some people paid as much as £1,000 to get a taxi.

Our taxi had to drive in blanket fog in the dark.

Very frightening. But did Ryanair care? No. We all needed a day off to recover from our trauma.

How the other people are, heaven knows.

How does that captain sleep - or anyone else at Ryanair ?

Carvalho, issued a brief London, Ryanair was forDAPHNE & ANDREW statement in response to ced to divert this flight to PRINCE and MARK this letter - and then added Newcastle.

MAYES some comments of his “Unfortunately coach operators were unable to own.

RYANAIR’S director of The official statement operate, due to safety conEuropean communi- said: “Due to the adverse cerns, and passengers catons, Daniel de weather conditions in were asked to source alter-

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native onward travel and accommodation, and to submit receipts to Ryanair.”

Expanding on the problem, Mr Carvalho told me: “We prefer to keep any statement short and factual.

“If roads are unsafe and buses do not operate, there is not much that can be done other than ask passengers to submit costs.

“They might choose not to risk road travel on that night and submit overnight expenses followed by a later road trip.

“Again, it is common sense that force majeure road conditions cannot be undone by an airline.

“If you wish to highlight that, we’re happy with it.’’

Car theft led to insurance nightmare

AFTER reading Donna Gee’s article in The Courier (Issue 51), I am writing to tell you about the nightmare my husband and I experienced which is still not resolved.

On Tuesday December 13, our car was broken into outside our house, the window was smashed, the Radio/CD ripped out, and spectacles and CDs etc stolen.

We immediately telephoned our provider to inform them what had

happened, and subsequently faxed the denuncia obtained from Dolores Police Station and waited.

Ten days later we had heard nothing so telephoned the insurance firm, which is a 902 number and costs a fortune per minute, to be told we needed to get the window fixed and send the invoice to them for settlement. This did not happen. The insurance company didn’t pay the garage even though their assessor had been to see the

damage. So we had to pay it ourselves as the garage owner was very annoyed. We also faxed a copy of the paid invoice, at a cost of €1.50, to the insurance people with a covering letter informing them of all relevant details required, including our bank details.

We then had a phone call asking us to fax papers again as they did not seem to have them. This again cost €1.50 per sheet.

As you can imagine we are totally disgusted with this company, and cannot understand why this has happened. We are still waiting for settlement.

ANONYMOUS (via Email, name supplied)

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I received an update on this story on Wednesday, saying: “Since writing to you we have had some money paid into our bank account, but of course

no offer of any reimbursement for phone calls , fax messages or postage.

“But we are hoping for miracles. In any event this whole sorry mess has taken two whole months to be resolved, which we feel is far too long. If someone from the company had taken the trouble to write or telephone (in English), a lot of the frustration could have been avoided’’.

- DONNA

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Friday, February 17, 2012

editor@thecourier.es THE COSTA BLANCA’S BRIGHTEST LETTERS PAGES

How we broke the ice on our 12-hour trip from Blackpool to San Javier (via Leeds) WHAT a wonderful idea - jetting off to Spain for a winter break to escape the blues in England. Easier said than done, thanks to the great British weather!

Having risen at dawn and headed for Blackpool Airport for the 0900 flight to El Altet, little did we know that Blackpool would leave us rocked!

After boarding the Alicante flight on time and proceeding to the runway apron for take-off, all looked good. We would be in better climes in sunny Spain within three hours. Or so we thought.

Then the Arctic weather struck!

Procedures were put in place to 'de-ice' the plane's wings after a fall of rain that froze as soon as it landed.

Then came the announcement that all was not good - and that passengers had to leave the plane and be bussed to Leeds-Bradford airport to get to our destination.

So, two hours after boarding our flight, we were on our way to Leeds-Bradford airport.

A trip 'fray Lancashire to Yorkshire'.

Talk about The Battle of The Roses'!

Having arrived 'across the border', our re-scheduled flight time was 1525. But the weather at Leeds-Bradford appeared to be worse than back in Lancashire! It did not look good.

After boarding our second plane of the day, a tense atmosphere filled the air (or

in this case, the airline). Then an almighty chorus of booing echoed around the plane. Why? They were now de-icing the wings of this plane. Further delays imposed.

Finally, it was "Yippee, we're off!" After another delay we eventually took to the sky. And after arriving at Alicante and then driving to San Javier, Murcia, our 12hour trip finally ended.

Later, ordering drinks at the local watering hole, the barman said: "Would you like ICE with that!!"

'JUAN AND SUSO' ATKINSON, San Javier, Murcia; and Preston, Lancashire.

I bet that comment left you cold after what you’d been through -ED

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WINCE OF WALES Why the valley folk would never vote for independence

Martin O’Neill

MAKE YOUR MIND UP, MR. BOTT! STEVE Bott, please make up your mind and don't be so two-faced.

On December 2, 2011 you were criticising Martin O'Neill as not being good enough for Sunderland.

Now, lo and behold, on the 10th of February 2012 you tell us he has transformed them into potential European qualifiers. Is this what you call consistent opinion?

IAN

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OUR man Bott replies: OK, ok! I was still getting over his snub to West Ham way back then and thought he was getting a bit big headed. He has more than proved himself already at Sunderland and deserves my praise now, not criticism.

TERRY TRUTH AFTER reading Steve Bolt’s report on both John Terry and Fabio Capello, I felt I had to send this email.

As a Scouser who doesn’t really like either, I thought that what you wrote was spot on, and it was about time someone spoke the truth. Keep up the good reports.

JOHN, Quesada.

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BOTTY says: Thanks, John.

Praise indeed from a Scouser! I like to think I am pretty quick on the uptake but the name is , no relation to Usain.

I FIND Tony Mayes’ column entertaining and would refer to his item ‘Wake up you Welsh’ (Issue 51).

I assure you, Tony, that many of us never went to sleep in the first place! Unfortunately our views are not represented by our Government.

You decry English medium educational performance in Wales and lay it at the door of nationalists. Well sunshine, our Government is Labour controlled and should act as a stark reminder for any of you English tempted to vote for Miliband next time around.

We, like you, have seen our Council Tax increase, but - unlike England - our homes were revalued in 2005 and our bills doubled.

Labour were afraid to do it in England for fear of the backlash. Those of us who actually pay CT in Wales often feel in the minority as our resident army of benefit recipients that vote Labour are exempt from paying it.

The vast majority of us Welsh taxpayers would never vote for independence and I’d happily pay for my prescription if it meant my Council Tax could be frozen as in many English councils.

Sorry, Tony, but neither can I agree with

your comments re the Welsh language. Until the end of the 19th century, our forebears still used it as their first language but were discriminated against by the UK Government via the Welsh Not. In the same spirit of progress which you now promulgate, and in order to civilise the Welsh into speaking English, the Not was a wooden tablet hung around the neck of any child in a class that spoke Welsh - whoever wore it at the end of the day was caned.

Furthermore, it is the last remaining vestige of the native language of BritainBrythonic. Believe it or not, mate, there was a time that England didn’t exist. We are reminded of this during every Six Nations rugby campaign when the Welsh are the only original Britons to sing in the oldest native tongue in Europe.

Furthermore, the figures show that Welsh speakers benefit from a better level of education and in the main are far better off than monoglot English speakers.

Therefore, whilst agreeing with some of your points, I would warn you of the danger of broad stroke racial classification.

IAN WILLIAMS, Vilamartin

We are speaking the same language, Ian q

TONY MAYES replies: Ian, I don't think we're a million miles away in our thinking - and I'm not getting at the Welsh, after all my wife is part Welsh.

You say Wales has been stuffed by Labour and I agree. Anyone supporting Labour needs his or her head examined.

The problem is that Labour is supported down

the generations of workingclass families and that is not doing Wales any good today.

As for the Welsh language - yes, it's steeped in history, like Latin and old French which ‘southerners’ spoke after the Norman conquest.

I welcome the day when the entire world speaks a

common language, be it a marriage of several languages - English, Spanish, Chinese and French, for example - and we confine minor languages to history.

It would end confusion and the chance of war through lack of communication and understanding.

Showgroup’s Paella was just perfect I FEEL I must share my appreciation of an excellent night's entertainment!

I am on holiday in Torrevieja, staying with friends. Last night we went to see The Showgroup Torrevieja at La Rustica Bar and Restaurant performing Paella and Chips!

I had no idea what to expect, especially as I normally go to see professional productions in Birmingham, Stafford and Worcester.

What an excellent night’s entertainment we enjoyed! The production was witty, fast moving and very original.

The cast performed with enthusiasm and really appeared to be enjoying themselves.

The set and costumes were excellent, very colourful and eye catching.

There were some very well executed show numbers and some great individual songs, including a very good rendering of Mrs Overall's song Macaroons.

The audience lapped up the humour, laughing throughout.

I must say that I was very pleasantly surprised and had a great evening’s entertainment. For those of you who missed this show, you missed a gem.

I hope the next time I holiday here that I will be able to catch this very talented group again. A real treat.

IRENE SHEPHERD, Redditch

18

Friday, February 17, 2012

SPICE UP YOUR LIFE MEXICAN CHICKEN WITH POTATOES INGREDIENTS

1tbsp olive oil 4 skinless chicken breasts, diced 1 onion, diced 750g potatoes, diced 1 red pepper, diced 2tsp tomato and chilli paste 400g tin black beans, drained and rinsed 400g tin chopped tomatoes Chopped coriander, to serve Sour cream, to serve

METHOD 1.Preheat the oven to 200°C (gas mark 6).

2.Heat the olive oil in a large frying pan and fry the chicken, onion and potato for 5 mins.

3.Add the remaining ingredients to 150ml water. Bring to the boil and transfer to a casserole dish. Add the chicken, onion and paste mixture.

4.Cover and bake for 45 mins, stirring half way through or until potatoes are tender and chicken is cooked throughout.

5.Serve with chopped coriander, soured cream and corn tortillas.

CHORIZO AND SWEET PEPPER RICE INGREDIENTS

½tbsp olive oil Half a red chilli, sliced 1 red onion, peeled and sliced 1 red pepper, deseeded and sliced 1 yellow pepper, deseeded and sliced 50g (1 3/4 oz) chorizo or sausages 1 x 250g pack Mexican-flavoured rice 1tsp freshly chopped parsley

METHOD 1.Heat the oil in a pan and sauté the onion and chilli for 2-3 mins before adding the red and yellow peppers. Cook for another 5-6 mins, stirring occasionally.

2.Cook the rice according to the pack instructions.

3.Add the chorizo to the pepper and stir-fry for 3-4 mins before stirring in the rice and freshly chopped parsley.

TEX - MEX CHILLI BEAN SALSA INGREDIENTS 600g (1lb 6oz) diced beef 2 tsp fajita seasoning 1 tbsp olive oil 250g jar barbeque sauce 1 red onion, finely shopped

2-3 plum tomatoes, chopped 410g can kidney beans

METHOD 1.Fry the beef and seasoning in the oil for 5 mins. Add the barbecue sauce and simmer for another 5 mins.

2.Mix together the red onion, tomato and beans, and season well.

3.Serve the beef with the tomato salsa, a few nachos and a good dollop of sour cream.

CHILLI BEEF TACOS INGREDIENTS 10ml (2tsp) sunflower oil 3 thin sirloin steaks, cut into thin strips 2 x 170g tubs fresh tomato salsa 8 taco shells, warmed Half an iceberg lettuce, shredded 75g (3oz) Cheddar cheese, grated Soured cream and chives, to serve

METHOD 1.Heat the oil in a wok or frying pan and add the steak strips. Stir-fry over a high heat for 4-5 mins until browned.

19

Friday, February 17, 2012 Stir in the tomato salsa and stir-fry for 2-3 mins until the sauce has reduced and thickened.

2.Half fill the taco shells with shredded lettuce then top with the beef and salsa mixture and grated cheese.

3.Serve with the soured cream and chives.

POTATO SKINS WITH DIPS INGREDIENTS For the skins 6 large baking potatoes For the chunky Mexican guacamole dip 1 large avocado 1 crushed garlic clove Juice of ½ lime 1tbsp olive oil ½ red chilli, deseeded and diced, 2 finely sliced spring onions Handful of torn coriander leaves Salt For the soured cream and chive dip 1 crushed garlic clove 1tbsp snipped chives Large pinch of cayenne pepper 142ml tub soured cream Salt, to season For the hot tomato and red onion salsa 2 medium tomatoes, deseeded and finely chopped ½ red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped ¼ red onion, finely chopped 1tbsp olive oil Salt, to season

METHOD 1.Preheat the oven to 200°C (400°F, gas mark 6). Prick six large baking potatoes with a fork and rub with olive oil.

2.Place directly on the oven shelf and bake for 45 mins, until slightly soft. Leave to cool for 15 mins.

3.Meanwhile, make the dips. To make the guacamole, halve the avocado, remove the stone and scoop out the flesh. Mash with the other ingredients, and chill.

4.Next, make the soured cream and chive dip by simply combining all the ingredients and season with salt - that's it!

5.Make the tomato salsa dip by combining the tomatoes,

chilli and onion. Stir in the olive oil and season to taste.

6.When the potatoes have cooled, cut each potato in half lengthways and then cut in half again. Scoop out the flesh, leaving a layer of potato at least 1cm (½ in) thick.

7.Brush lightly with olive oil, season with salt and pepper and bake, skin side down, on a roasting dish, for 30 mins, until crisp. Turn over after 15 mins. Serve with the dips.

HERBY MEATBALLS WITH SPICY TOMATO SAUCE INGREDIENTS 1 large onion, quartered2 garlic cloves 1 bunch fresh coriander 800g (1lb 12oz) minced beef Packet of fajita spice or 2tsp paprika 2tbsp olive oil 1 x 360g jar fajita tomato sauce 1 x 400g tin red kidney beans, drained and rinsed 1 packet flour tortillas To garnish and serve: Chopped fresh coriander 150ml (¼ pt) sour cream 200g (7oz) Cheddar cheese, grated .

METHOD

1.Put the onion, garlic and coriander into a food processor and pulse chop until fine. Put the minced beef in a bowl, add the fajita spice or paprika, some seasoning and the chopped onion mixture and mix well.

2.Divide the mixture into 12 and roll into balls. It's easier to do this if your hands are wet. Take a large pan that will hold all the meatballs in one layer and heat the olive oil.

Add the meatballs and brown well on all sides. Set aside on a plate.

3.Pour off the excess oil from the pan, return the meatballs and pour over the fajita sauce, 150ml (¼ pt) water and the kidney beans. Stir gently, put a lid on the pan and cook over a medium heat for 20 mins, then remove the lid, stir gently and cook for a further 15 mins until thickened.

4.To cook the flour tortillas, heat a frying pan without any

oil until hot and dry-fry the tortillas, a few at a time, until crisp, they only take a few seconds. To serve the meatballs, place in a warm bowl with plenty of sauce, scatter over the coriander and serve the sour cream, cheese and tortillas on the side.

LAMB FAJITAS WITH CHUNCKY YOGURT DIP INGREDIENTS 120ml natural yogurt 1/4 cucumber 2 finely sliced spring onions 225g lamb neck fillet or lamb leg steaks 2 tsp fajita seasoning 1 carrot 4 spring onions Juice and rind of 1 lemon 100g baby spinach leaves 2 flour tortillas .

METHOD 1.Mix together 120ml natural yogurt with 1/4 cucumber, cut into small chunks, 2 finely sliced spring onions, a pinch of chilli powder and 1tsp chopped mint, then set aside.

2.Cut 225g lamb neck fillet or lamb leg steaks into thin strips and dry fry for 5-6 minutes. Add 2 tsp fajita seasoning and cook for 1-2 minutes.

3.Add 1 carrot, peeled and grated, 4 sliced spring onions plus the juice and rind of 1 lemon and cook for 1 minute more. Remove from the heat and stir through 100g baby spinach leaves.

4.Pile onto flour tortillas, spoon over a large spoonful of the chunky yogurt mixture, roll up and serve with mixed salad.

CHILLI NACHOS INGREDIENTS 400g can chilli con carne 115g bag tortilla chips 1 Tbsp Emmental cheese, finely grated 1 Tbsp sliced, green jalapenos, drained Guacamole or sour cream to serve .

METHOD

1.Heat the chilli con carne in a saucepan for five minutes until hot.

2.Place tortillas in a large frying pan on a low heat, carefully tossing to warm through.

3.To serve, arrange tortillas on a large plate or platter and pour over chilli.

4.Sprinkle with cheese and scatter over jalapenos. Serve with guacamole and sour cream.

20

Friday, February 17, 2012

A day out for all the family with singing, dancing, eating and drinking!

Reasons to Visit

● Diverse range of new products, such as X5 Steam Mop, barbecues and garden products at prices to beat the crisis! ● Innovatitive secondary glazing ● Laminate, wooden and luxury vinyl flooring ● New heating system, air-conditioning, guttering and paving ● Swimming pool construction and accessories ● Insulation, toldos, conservatories, blinds and mosquito screens ● Health care including free blood pressure and back checks ● Magnetic jewellery, accessories, handmade jewellery and craft ● Furniture and soft furnishings, candles and ornaments ● Car rental, caravans, insurance and financial services

● Many local and international charities ● Full programme of entertainment and demonstrations; see website ● Snack/ drink available for 4.50 euros; Buffet in the restaurant for 15 euros ● 1 euro entry includes free raffle ticket ● Living Well and Cheaply from Your Garden or Apartment Terrace, followed by a question and answer session, at 1-00pm and 3-30pm on Saturday 25th by Clodagh and Richard Handscombe, regular contributers to the RTN and Euro Weekly. ● Wine tasting and appreciation of Monastrell, a local red grape variety, sampling five wines followed by question time. 5 euros, refunded with a voucher to be redeemed either at the show or Magica Gourmet in Benijofar. 1-00pm on Sunday 26 February. ● Raquel Pena’s FLAMENCO FOR ALL amateur dance group will perform at 2.00pm on Saturday 25th. The group dance Guajiras, Alegrias, Bulerias and the very popular Sevillanas.

If you are unable to attend the exhibition, it is possible to have your company flyers placed in carrier bags and handed to the public as they arrive. For 1000 leaflets the charge for this service is 50 euros. Those taking a stand may also partake for 25 euros.

For more information, call Christine Roche on 699 549 261 or 965 632 835 or email her at info@exhibitions-spain.com. Also, see the website at www.exhibitions-spain.com for regular updates.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Get Moving, Feel Better and Live Longer

Want to feel better, have more energy and perhaps even live longer? Look no further than old-fashioned exercise.

The merits of exercise — from preventing chronic health conditions to boosting confidence and self-esteem — are hard to ignore. And the benefits are yours for the taking, regardless of age, sex or physical ability.

We were made to move. It is what our bodies were built for.

Exercising will: ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ

Help lower blood pressure Increase levels of good HDL cholesterol Cut heart attack, and diabetes risk Reduce insulin needs if you have diabetes Reduce colon cancer risk Keep bones and joints strong Control weight Promote better sleep Improve mood Ease depression Put the spark back into your sex life

The older you are, the more important exercising becomes. Your metabolic rate slows down and you need fewer calories to maintain your correct weight. Weight-bearing exercise is also needed to help prevent osteoporosis in aging bones.

You may find the threat of a future illness is not enough motivation to change your habits now. There can be many

reasons for not taking up exercise, including: ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ

Lack of time due to work or family commitments Cost of equipment or gym membership Lack of facilities nearby Personal safety when exercising outdoors alone Poor weather or nighttime lighting

However, there are ways to overcome all of these potential barriers and work exercise into your daily life. This could include getting off the bus to work one or two stops earlier than usual.

Make it a daily challenge to find ways to move your body.

"Think 'move' in small increments of time," recommends Nerys Purchon in her book The Essential Natural Health Bible. "It doesn't have to be an hour in the gym, or a 45minute aerobic dance class. That's great when you're up to it. Meanwhile, move more."

Sixty minutes of physical activity every day is one of the "golden rules" for good health. That includes incidental activity (the calories we burn in our everyday activities) and planned exercise. To make a real difference, it must be regular and some of it needs to get the heart pumping.

Examples of everyday activities that count include: ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ

Walking up stairs instead of using lifts Walking up moving escalators Walking instead of driving for short journeys Doing the housework at double-time DIY and gardening

Planned exercise doesn't mean a gym. The key is to find some activities you enjoy, and to do them regularly. ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ ʘ

Aerobics, exercise classes, spin sessions Dancing Exercise bikes Weight training is very important Paddling, rowing, and kayaking Swimming, surfing, and body surfing Team sports like baseball and basketball Tennis, squash, and other racket sports Yoga, pilates, tai chi

And, whenever possible, stay standing instead of sitting.

Even standing still will burn more calories than sitting on your butt!

21

BIOENERGETICS A NEW ERA IN MEDICAL DIAGNOSTICS AND THERAPY

Bioenergetics is a field of medicine that concerns energy transfer and relationships between all living systems.

The existence of the body’s energy field and its influence on health and disease has been known for thousands of years. It is known as the Vital Force in homeopathic medicine, Prana in Ayurveda, Qi in traditional Chinese medicine, Ki in Japanese traditional medicine, and Innate Intelligence in Chiropractic terms. Conventional science and medicine apply bioenergetics principles by measuring electromagnetic currents using EEG (electroencephalogram), MRI (magnetic resonance imaging), and SQUID (superconducting quantum interference device). More interestingly, the latest researches carried out in laboratories around the world now show that every cell, tissue and organ in the human body has its own unique bioelectrical signature. This exciting discovery has been known in the field of quantum physics since the 1930s when the electron was recognised to be both a wave and a particle.

Since all matter is composed of electrons, the human body equally exhibits wave-particle characteristics. It logically follows that a complete health care therapy system will consider the physical, chemical and energetic nature of the human body.

The human body has electrical and magnetic properties, and is capable of receiving and emitting a broad range of electromagnetic energies in the form of: low and extremely low frequency waves, radio frequency waves, microwave, infrared, visible light spectrum, x-rays and gamma rays. All of these emissions are part of the human energy field, also called the biologic field, or biofield, and associated with complex and dynamic human processes such as heart and brain function, blood flow, and many other biological processes. Some of the field emissions from the body are the basis of advanced medical tech-

nologies now used in the diagnosis and treatment of diseases. By measuring various aspects of the biofield it is now possible to recognise organ and tissue damage, even in advance of diseases and symptoms and treat them appropriately to eradicate them. Biofield measurements can also be used to predict if the effect of a particular course of therapy can be effective or not, as well as define an individually-effective dose of drug, among many other benefits.

Leading the human bioenergetics technology is SENSITIV IMAGO, an advanced medical diagnostics and therapy system. The principle of SENSITIV IMAGO has its roots in bioenergy resonance research started in the 1950s by scientists in USA, Japan and Russia. Since then, bioresonance technology has been perfected, and at the heart of SENSITIV IMAGO is an exclusive database of information resulting from the examination of over 100,000 medical patients and over 1000 disease processes. As a result, SENSITIV IMAGO is the only medical technology that boasts an impressive 96% diagnostic accuracy. More importantly, SENSITIV IMAGO offers energetic therapy in the form of bioresonance therapy - a highly effective therapy process achieved by the detection and correction of electromagnetic frequency information generated by the body. Bioresonance therapy is currently used in hospitals and clinics worldwide especially in Germany where it originated, as well as being a treatment of choice for children due to its non-invasive approach to health care. Bioresonance therapy effectively treats health disorders such as asthma and other respiratory problems, inflammatory conditions like arthritis, gastric problems, allergies, immune system dysfunctions, toxin overload, skin disorders such as psoriasis, as well as muscle and organ degeneration among other diseases.

Dr Machi Mannu is a Neuro-repatterning Specialist.

For queries, send your email to contact@mindspa.es

22

Friday, February 17, 2012

23

Friday, February 17, 2012

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then.

Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Mark wanted to know whether it was possible Ellis wanted to know how to get UK TV on her Mac. for Google Chrome to connect his computer to the Good afternoon Richard, I have a MacBook Pro and wish to use Internet automatically.

Q

BBC and ITV player through Get I player Automater. Every time I attempt to download a TV programme I get a message saying use a proxy server. Can you recommend a safe and reliable proxy server that could be used?

Hi Ellis, I can't recommend a safe proxy server as by their very nature they are not "safe", however there is a good service from a company called my-private-network.co.uk that I use and they provide a VPN (Virtual Private Network) to fool UK websites into thinking that your computer is in the UK, they offer this service for both PC and Mac users and as long as you have a decent broadband connection it works just fine.

A

ADVICE: Tony wanted to know how to move Adobe and Microsoft Office from one computer to another.

Hello Richard. I wonder if you could advise me how to copy Adobe 9.5.0 from my old laptop, onto a new laptop that I have just bought.

Also the new lap top does not appear to have Windows XP installed. It seems to have a starter packages (with the option to upgrade at a cost.) The new laptop is a Samsung with Intel core i5 Windows 7 Home Premium. Regards Tony

Q

Hi Richard, I have recently downloaded Google Chrome. The problem is: when I click on Google Chrome short-cut it does not automatically start the internet connection - I have to do this manually. And when I have connected and clicked the short-cut it is very slow to load. Is this a problem, or do I have to connect to the internet first? Perhaps you could help? Thanks Mark

Q A

Hi Mark, I assume from your question that you have some type of dial up connection to the Internet (either via your phone line or via a broadband service provider?) By this I mean that you need to first connect to the Internet by double clicking on something and then start your web browser connection. I also assume that this was automatically done with your old browser (Internet Explorer?).

Google Chrome does have the ability to manage your Internet connection if it's done through Windows Internet Connection Settings and not some proprietary service provider software. What you need to do is go into Chrome and click on the wrench (top right hand corner of the screen) and click "Options" then click "Under the Hood" and finally click "Change My Proxy Settings" which you will find next to the Network subheading. From here you can manage how Chrome connects your computer to the Internet automatically.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi Tony, thanks for taking the time to email, apologies for the delay in replying it’s been pretty busy over the past week or so.

If you are referring to Adobe Acrobat Reader then this can be downloaded free of charge from www.adobe.com – if however you are referring to Adobe Acrobat Professional then you will need the original installation CD’s to get it onto your new computer.

With regards to Windows XP, I think that you may be getting confused between Microsoft Office and Microsoft Windows. Your new computer has Windows 7 installed as its operating system, you therefore have no need for Windows XP. Many people tend to get Microsoft Office (Word, Excel, PowerPoint etc) confused with Windows XP and if this is the case here then the only way that you can get Microsoft Office installed on your new computer is if you use the original installation media (CD’s or DVD’s) to install it. Once installed, you could use a memory stick to transfer your office documents from the old computer to the new one.

If you don’t have the installation media then don’t worry there is a free program that you can use to open and modify your Microsoft Office documents and it can be downloaded from www.openoffice.org

A

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

24

Friday, February 17, 2012

WHAT THE UK

BATTLE OF THE BINGE!

BINGE drinkers in the UK face being locked up in US-style “drunk tanks” under plans unveiled by David Cameron this week.

The PM wants holding pens to tackle booze-fuelled violence and disorder and cut the huge burden on the NHS. He will also call on the alcohol industry to play its part, saying: “Supermarkets, pubs and clubs need to work with government, so responsible drinking becomes a reality and not just a slogan.”

The NHS currently spends £2.7billion a year on dealing with alcohol-related conditions, which works out at £90 per taxpayer.

Its bill includes £1billion treating drinkers who end up in A&E after a night out. As a whole, boozing costs the country £22billion a year. Downing Street said there were 200,000 hospital admissions in 2010/11 with alcohol as the primary factor.

Mr Cameron told doctors, nurses, paramedics and police in the North East: "Every night, in town centres, hospitals and police sta-

Cameron goes to war with the booze brigade Daily Mirror

tions, people have to cope with the consequences of alcohol abuse, and the problem is getting worse. Over the last decade we've seen a frightening growth in the number of people - many underage - who think it's acceptable for people to get drunk in public in ways that wreck lives, spread fear and increase crime."

Mr Cameron said the Government will set out how it intends to help emergency services "rise to the challenge" in a forthcoming Alcohol Strategy.

“Whether it's the police officers in A&E, the booze buses in Soho and Norwich, or the drunk tanks used abroad, we need innovative solutions to confront the rising tide of unacceptable behaviour’’.

‘350 DEAD’ IN PRISON BLAZE

MORE than 350 prisoners are thought to have died trapped in their cells after a fire swept through a jail in Honduras.

Firefighters as claimed that guards fled with the prison keys, leaving inmates to burn and choke to death.

A total of 356 of the 852 prisoners are unaccounted for following the blaze in Comayagua. Inmates screamed through

the bars to be let out, but firefighters said that guards with the keys had vanished.

Outraged relatives tried to storm the prison gates to recover the bodies but were driven back by police tear gas.

“The majority could be dead, though others could have suffered burns, escaped or survived,’’ said a spokeswoman.

Daily Express

Rainless Britain facing drought BRITAIN faces a nationwide drought disaster, experts warned on Wednesday.

Widespread restrictions on water supplies, including hosepipe bans, could be imposed as early as the spring.

A record dry 18 months, with virtually no rain over the winter, has left rivers and reservoirs at critically low levels. And parts of the country are suffering the worst shortages for more than 90 years.

Trevor Bishop, the Environment Agency’s head of water resources, said: “We have a cumulative effect of two years of low rainfall.

“This is going to have a very strong input and there is a real risk of restrictions including hosepipe bans.”

Anglia Water was planning for “the worst possible scenario” and warned hosepipe bans could be in place before summer.

There are growing fears that the UK could this year face a situation similar to the summer drought of 1976. This saw widespread water rationing, with people having to collect water from street standpipes.

Soldier killed best friend in rifle tragedy A SOLDIER killed his best friend in a ‘tragic accident’ in Afghanistan while checking his weapon, an inquest heard.

Ranger David Dalzell, 20, of 1st Battalion The Royal Irish Regiment, died from a single shot to the chest in February 2011 while erecting a commemorative flagpole for a dead

Daily Mail colleague. Ranger Dalzell, from Bangor in County Down, had just returned from a patrol in Helmand and was relaxing with his colleagues when the incident happened.

Ranger Sean Barry had stripped and

cleaned his SA-80 rifle in an attempt to stop the safety catch and magazine sticking. But the magazine was still attached as he carried out a functioning test and a shot was fired, killing his friend instantly.

Wiltshire coroner David Ridley recorded a narrative verdict.

Friday, February 17, 2012

TABLOIDS SAY

WHITNEY’S LETHAL MIX Drug cocktail may hold key to singer’s death

WHITNEY HOUSTON had downed a mixture of drugs before her death, a report confirmed on Tuesday.

A Los Angeles County Coroner’s Office source said: “The preliminary results indicate that there were benzodiazepines present in Whitney’s system.

“The final toxicology results will reveal the specific sedatives that she had ingested, and the level.’’

Prescription drugs Xanax, Lorazepam and Valium, which were found, are all benzodiazepines, and potentially lethal when mixed with alcohol – which was also found in the suite.

Whitney was discovered under the water by her horrified hairdresser on Saturday.

Paramedics rushed to the Beverly Hilton hotel in Los Angeles but their desperate efforts to revive the singer with CPR failed.

A private jet belonging to Tyler Perry, an actor and director friend of Whitney’s, flew the singer’s body to New Jersey’s Teterboro airport.

Hundreds of heartbroken fans saw her body lifted into

Daily Mirror a gold-coloured hearse and even more mourners lined the streets of Newark as Whitney was driven to the Whigham Funeral Home, where her mother Cissy Houston, 78, was waiting.

Whitney’s body will stay there until her funeral at noon tomorrow (Saturday) at New Hope Baptist Church.

The star’s relatives are said to have argued about where Whitney should be buried but have decided on the New Jersey church.

Houston was born in

Newark and began singing as a child at the New Hope church, where her mother, a Grammy-winning gospel singer, was musical director.

Whitney’s cousin, star Dionne Warwick, 71, also sang in its choir.

Mourners left flowers, balloons and candles for Whitney at the wrought-iron fence around the tall brick building.

Cissy and Dionne had reportedly wanted Whitney to be buried in Atlanta, Georgia, as they believed she had enjoyed her happiest experiences there.

Whitney’s mother Cissy Houston arrives at the funeral home

25

8 top English clubs in football tax probe TAX probes have been launched into eight top English football clubs, sparking fears they could be plunged into financial meltdown like Scottish ‘giants’ Rangers.

The official investigations into current and ex-Premier League sides could potentially involve hundreds of millions of pounds in unpaid tax.

The revelation came as it was announced that debt-stricken Rangers had entered administration over an alleged £9million owed to HM Revenue & Customs.

They also face another potential bill of more than £70million after an ongoing inquiry into the use of a tax avoidance device, Employment Benefit Trusts.

EBTs allowed foreign stars to have their wages paid into a trust — and then withdraw the money once they were no longer living in Britain.

They would then avoid paying the top 50 per cent rate of UK tax.

The Sun But the taxman has declared that illegal — and claims Rangers' previous owners used the trusts to avoid paying millions of pounds in tax and National Insurance on the player payroll.

Football finance expert Dr Chris Brady said: “Rangers may be the tip of the iceberg. EBTs became popular with clubs as a means of reducing crippling wage bills.

“We believe at least eight current or former Premier League clubs are being investigated.’’

Penn puts Britain to the sword HOLLYWOOD actor Sean Penn this week accused the British media of pushing for war instead of diplomacy to resolve the Falklands dispute with Argentina.

His outburst came a day after he accusing the UK of “ridiculous colonialism”.

Penn hit out after meeting Argentine President Cristina Kirchner, who said

Britain had militarised the South Atlantic.

“My oh my, aren’t people sensitive to the word ‘colonialism’, particularly those who implement colonialism.”

He then blasted Britain’s actions leading up to the 30th anniversary of Argentina’s failed 1982 invasion of the Falkland Islands.

Phil Mitchell in bloody assault - ex-lover arrested THE ex-lover of EastEnders star Steve McFadden (pictured) was arrested on Tuesday after he claimed she attacked him in his car.

Skin specialist Dr Rachel Sidwell, 45 — who has a two-year-old daughter with the Phil Mitchell actor — was nicked at 7.30am after he reported her, and spent Valentine's Day in

The Sun custody. She was released on Tuesday night.

McFadden, 52, said he suffered injuries in the alleged assault on Sunday.

It is claimed that he was left bleeding heavily with scratches on his

back after the attack. Three police officers arrived at the £1million North London home Dr Sidwell shares with her husband and three kids and took her away for questioning.

She was released from custody at 6.30 on Tuesday night, escorted by a female companion.

Dermatologist Dr Sidwell has a

two-year-old daughter from her yearlong relationship with McFadden.

The incident follows a series of spats between the pair, who got together in 2008. Within weeks of meeting McFadden, Dr Sidwell left her surgeon husband Dr James Green and moved in with the actor. She has since gone back to the family home.

26

Friday, February 17, 2012

THE SPANISH PRESS

NEW AIRPORT SET TO OPEN IN JULY La Verdad

Health hopes of ban just a smoke screen, reveals study

DESPITE the strict laws on smoking in public places in Spain, the number of smokers TAKE-OFF is getting closer for Murcia’s new has not gone down.

Corvera airport.

This is the conclusion of a survey carried The international airport is getting a final check from AESA, out by the Spanish Society of Pneumology the State Agency for Air Security, which started its evaluations last week. and Thoracic Surgery (Separ), a year after AESA will check out all aspects of the airport’s operations, the blanket smoking ban was introduced. including maintenance services, aeronautical information, In fact, the results showed a slight and air transit. increase in the number of smokers aged 13 According to the Councillor for Public Works, Antonio and over, to 20 per cent of the population.

Sevilla, it should take around six months for evaluations to be “The prevalence [of smokers] is not influcompleted and permits to be issued. This means the first enced by the law,” said Separ vice presiflights should take off in July. dent Juan Antonio Riesco.

Twenty-five air companies have said they want to use the airport. Twelve have already visited Corvera.

He added that smoking among younger Inside the new In a press conference last Friday, Antonio Sevilla conpeople is on the rise, “which indicates that Corvera Airport firmed that the building had now reached an advanced stage prevention is not working.” and that the paperwork was Among children, being completed. nine per cent are pasHowever, he added that he sive smokers and of couldn’t yet give an exact these, 51 per cent are date for the official opening, exposed to smoke in PRIMARK is to open a which is what all the air comtheir own home. store in Alicante on March panies are waiting for.

The survey showed He said that San Javier air15. that 22 per cent of port would remain open for A FRENCH satirical TV programme has caused outThe news is good for men and 18 per cent military flights only, and that rage in Spain with sketches depicting Spanish athshoppers and the econoof women smoke. letes as drugs cheats. my, as the new store will the 80 commercial flight staff Consumption did who work there will be transLes Guignols de l’Info, a puppet show similar to generate 500 new jobs. show a The store already ferred to Corvera airport. The Spitting Image, parodied Spanish athletes including however new airport will employ 500 “slight decrease” with employs 4,000 staff at disgraced cyclist Alberto Contador and tennis superworkers, but already 25,000 the number of cigashops throughout Spain. star Rafael Nadal.

Primark opened its first people have applied for the In the Channel Five Plus show, a latex Contador rettes smoked per day store in Spain in 2006, and posts. sings that he’s got bull’s blood in his veins, while falling to an average It is hoped that the new airby the end of March will Nadal croons about a stash of clean blood in his of 12, according to the have 25 outlets in Spain, port will give the economy of survey.

Nadal and syringe in Les Guignols fridge. Nadal’s dummy is also seen injecting himself the region a huge boost. with 235 in Europe.

Riesco said that with a huge syringe and urinating in the gas tank of his car before while 27 per cent of speeding off at 200 miles per hour. smokers had tried to Nadal told reporters: “This isn’t quit during the past 12 le the vaccine does not always an attack against me, but an months, their efforts Whi have ase dise the of s best So far six case k attack against sports and the were largely unsucprevent the disease, it is the A MEASLES outbreak that has struc been reported in Elche. noted a now have has rts nte expe Alica and in le nce peop defe Spanish people.” sed down 119 stres has nt rtme depa th The heal cessful. Some 14 per th asing in the number of Foreign minister, Jose Manuel spread to Elche and the regional heal ad is normal and worrying incre spre ase dise the ren. that child their inacent didn’t even last ng inati vacc not nts pare d perio authority is recommending vacc Garcia-Margallo said official comed alert as it has a 15 day incubation been have ol scho and ges Colle tions. plaints have been sent to French 24 hours as nonmore cases are expected. d of correct protocols. inde rem and Adults between 20 and 45 who have been not have media, while sports minister José smokers and 72 perMost of those affected the Measles is not serious in children, - curnot already been vaccinated or had ine vacc triple Ignacio Wert described the cent fell back to the the with d inate rd- vacc but can be in adults. disease should get vaccinated, acco within four gsters. youn sketches as “unfair, regrettable habit for used y rentl ing to the heatlh authority. weeks. and in bad taste”.

New link in shop chain

Drug cheat puppets ignite Spanish fury

s d a re sp s e sl a e m s a d e rg u s e in cc Va

27

Friday, February 17, 2012

THE SPANISH PRESS

La Verdad

Dog saves owner from blazing apartment A DEVOTED dog proved he was man’s – or in this case woman’s – best friend when he saved his terrified owner from a burning building in Andalucia.

The woman was sleeping when fire broke out in the living room of her apartment.

And it was only the dog’s desperate barking and cries that saved her life.

Alerted by the noise the dog was making, the woman smelt smoke and discovered a blaze in her living room.

Firefighters quickly arrived and put out the fire, but not before it had destroyed the living room and caused extensive smoke and heat damage throughout the apartment.

The fire also spread to the outside sunshades of other apartments in the nine-storey building.

The woman was treated for smoke inhalation and a second person needed treatment for burns to the hand.

Had the dog not woken the woman at that time, it is believed she would almost certainly have died.

It is thought the blaze emanated from a problem with a heater in the living room.

DIANA’S ‘AFFAIR WITH THE KING’

PRINCESS Diana was one of the many young ladies The King of Spain, Juan Carlos, had an affair with, a new biography claims.

The book by Barcelonabased author Pilar Eyre also alleges Juan Carlos is a ‘professional seducer’ who made a ‘tactile’ advance on Princess Diana while she was on a holiday with Prince Charles in Majorca in the 1980s.

And it reveals that age has not stopped the 74-year-old, with the monarch regularly receiving vitamin injections and anti-ageing treatments, the Daily Mail reported.

The biography also claims that the king has not shared a bed with his wife for the past 35 years.

The Solitude of the Queen follows the much-derided allegations made in 2004 by Lady Colin Campbell that the princess had a fling with Juan Carlos while on a cruise in August 1986 and then again the following April.

“Diana did it to make Charles jealous, but it didn’t work. Charles couldn’t have cared less,” said Lady Colin.

During a 1987 visit to Madrid by Charles and Diana, the king was clicked smiling as he kissed the princess on the hand – a gesture that left her looking embarrassed.

Eyre has claimed that the Princess, together with Prince Charles and their young children, holidayed in Majorca with the Spanish

royal family a number of times during the Eighties.

Charles never felt comfortable on the sunshine island and much preferred visiting the Duke of Wellington’s estate near Granada where the shooting was good.

But Diana, who loved lounging about on yachts and flaunting her figure in stylish bathing suits, was right at home on the shores of the Mediterranean.

And the king, who appreci-

ated displays of female beauty, apparently acted on an impulse to get closer to her.

After her first trip to Majorca in 1986, Eyre alleged that Diana told her bodyguard Ken Wharfe that Juan Carlos fancied her.

It seemed that the king made all kinds of excuses to get physical with her and used to love bending down with her to stroke his old German shepherd dog, Archie.

According to Eyre, rumours of the affair deepened later over the curious case of some photos of Diana in a state of undress.

These were hyped around the world’s publications, only to be taken off the market when someone in Spain paid 45,000 dollars for them.

That someone is rumoured to have been Juan Carlos, who wanted to guard the Princess’s reputation.

The book also claims Queen Sofia only remains in the marriage out of ‘a sense of duty’.

Criminal enquiry into deadly hotel bug cover-up THE prosecutors’ office is to investigate whether any crime took place in the outbreak of Legionnaire’s Disease in a Calpe hotel.

Two French tourists who stayed at the Diamante Beach Hotel between January 25 and February 1 have now been taken ill, taking the number of people affected to 18, three of whom, all British tourists, have died.

Three workers at the hotel and a doctor who treated cases were also struck down by the bug.

Under scrutiny is why it took so long to close the hotel when it appears there was evidence it was the source of the outbreak even before the deaths.

It is also being questioned how the British Health Authorities were able to issue an internal statement on January 20 warning about the outbreak when the Valencia Health Authority was still to make any comment.

PSOE to launch Camps appeal - because verdict doesn’t suit

Francisco Camps (front) and Ricardo Costa during the trial

THE socialist party in Valencia has confirmed that it is to appeal against the not guilty verdict handed down on Francisco Camps and Ricardo Costa in the suits part of the Gürtel corruption case.

A statement from the Valencia PSOE said they will be presenting an appeal to the Supreme Court.

The ex-President of the Valencia region and his ex-General Secretary were absolved at the end of the case on

the alleged crime of passive bribery.

The appeal by PSOE comes despite the fact that the Anti-Corruption Prosecution Office said they would not appeal the verdict as they could not see ‘sufficient legal base’ to do so.

On Twitter the Secretary General of PSOE, Jorge Alarte, said it was the ‘obligation’ of the socialists to present this appeal which they owe to ‘the thousands of residents of Valencia who do not agree with the verdict’.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

Cars to impress the opposite sex First impressions go a long way. With that in mind we picked the 12 cars - 6 for her, and 10 for him - most likely to help you clinch a second date.

Impress him: Suzuki Swift Sport

tic, and even more so when your wheels of choice is a classic British roadster.

Celebrating its 50th anniversary this year, there are still plenty MGBs around and with prices on the used market starting at just over £2,000 you should have plenty of cash left for a classy candlelight dinner.

doesn't wear a wide grin across his face after taking it for a spin round the block.

Impress her: Vauxhall Ampera

courtesy of sparkling new BMW-developed petrol engines - guaranteed to score points with your bloke. In the super competitive but frequently boring small family hatch segment, the DS4 is also likely to impress him with your willingness to go with an alternative choice.

Impress him: BMW 3 Series

Sensitive, level-headed and perfectly fine with leading the pack - that is the message your date will receive loud and clear when you pull up in an Ampera. Fortunately, thanks to its range-extending technology, you need never worry about the embarrassment of running out of battery charge. The Ampera will be in showrooms this spring.

Although much more modest in its power offering than the bevy of +200bhp hot hatches, the Swift Sport still boasts plenty of firepower (134bhp) to leave a good impression on the lads. At the same time it makes for a perfectly practical everyday urban runaround when he isn't there to egg you on to 'show him what it's got'.

Impress her: MG MGB Roadster Open-top motoring is undeniably roman-

The 3 Series has been the class-leading compact exec for decades, and in its latest incarnation it continues that winning streak.

Stylish, sophisticated and a joy to drive, you'd be hard pressed to find a bloke who

Impress him: Citroën DS4 As the second offering from Citroën's sporty DS sub-brand, the DS4 gets its power

Impress her: Mercedes CL Coupe Thanks to a facelift in 2010, the sleek and elegant CL Coupe is looking as fresh as ever and fortunately retains all its S-Class refinement. The pleasure of slipping behind the wheel of the classy coupe doesn't come cheap mind, but nor does the impression it

Toro Rosso unveils STR7 With the first test session of the season now under way in Jerez, Spain, the remaining teams – that is, at least, the ones that have their cars ready – are presenting their new designs for the 2012 Formula One World Championship. The latest among them: Scuderia Toro Rosso.

Long known as the Red Bull B-squad, STR positions itself as something of a training squad for new drivers moving into F1 as an extension of the company’s young driver training program. And for that reason it axed the two of its drivers (Jaime Alguersuari and Sebastian Buemi) in favour of new talents Daniel Ricciardo and Jean-Eric Vergne.

Like most (make that entirely so far besides McLaren), the new STR7 which they’ll be driving this year is distinguished from last year’s field by a rather unsightly, platypus-style stepped nose and tighter sidepods and hindquarters. Ferrari once again provides its Type 056 V8 engine, driving through a seven-speed gearbox and

assisted by a Kinetic Energy Recovery System (KERS) and Drag Reduction System in the rear wing.

With its new drivers and car, Toro Rosso hopes to finale sixth or seventh in the championship this year; an challenging target considering that the last time it finished that well was in 2008 when Sebastian Vettel won the Italian Grand Prix against entirely odds – a victory that still stands as the only podium finale out of the 108 races the team has contested in its six years of racing. We’ll be watching to see how they fare.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

Impress him: Mercedes-Benz SL

Impress him: Range Rover Evoque

The SL moves us firmly into the domain of the cougar, though power and beauty are two attributes that remain universally attractive (in both cars and women). Nothing says 'I know what I want and I know how to get it' quite like the SL - especially when a mammoth 518bhp V8 beats under its bonnet.

Impress him: Alfa Romeo Giulietta It is impossible to compile a list of carsthat'll-woo without including an Alfa Romeo, and especially one like the Giulietta which simply oozes Italian flair. Amid an ocean of generic hatchbacks, the Giulietta really stands out. It is also a pleasure to drive thanks to an all-new agile lightweight steel platform.

will undoubtedly leave when you whisk your date away in one.

Impress him: SEAT Alhambra The Alhambra is more fun to drive than most rival MPVs, which is guaranteed to count in your favour when it's your man's turn to take the wheel. At the same time it is perfectly practical with loads of space, seating for up to seven passengers and a refined ride that will keep you smiling when he is not around.

Impress her: Volkswagen Golf True, it isn't the most exciting car on the market. But while the Golf might lose some points for its lack of thrills, it more than compensates for that with its sensibility. If the impression you want to leave your date with is one of being in-it-for-the-long-run rather than flash-in-the-pan, you'll struggle to trump the Golf.

Impress her: Fiat 500 Although it has been around since 2007 the Fiat 500 still looks plenty stylish and with-it, far more so than its main rival the MINI. It also boasts a strong Italian provenance which, combined with its retro allure, will go a long way on a romantic date to showcase you for the sophisticated gent you are.

Undoubtedly one of the hottest tickets in town at the moment, arriving at your date in an Evoque is guaranteed to knock the socks off any potential male suitor. Not only does the latest addition to the Range Rover lineup communicate your sense of adventure, but you needn't sacrifice any comfort in the process.

Impress her: CitroĂŤn C3 Picasso Practical, sensible and spacious, MPVs often make logical sense but fall short as far as driving pleasure is concerned. Not so with the C3 Picasso, which adds an entraining ride to the mix. The implication that you might even consider installing baby seats in the rear, will certainly not harm your chances either.

Impress her: Jaguar XK8 If it is true that money can't buy you style, then conversely the 1990s XK8 is testimony that even on a tight budget you needn't sacrifice sophistication, with used models starting at just over ÂŁ3,000. For that you get one of the most elegant designs of the 1990s powered by a brilliantly powerful V8.

30

Friday,December February 17, Friday, 16,2012 2011

A Valentine’s night in 2009... euros, that is!

IT SEEMS that every event arranged

by Maria and her Pink Ladies (that’s them on the left) turns to gold - and Monday’s Valentine’s Ball at Las Ramblas Golf Club House restaurant was no exception.

The evening raised a remarkable €2009.60 – and takes the total raised by the girls to nearly €38,000.

Some 165 guests, all dressed in

their finery, attended this fantastic event in aid of the AECC. Once again the evening was a resounding success.

After a fabulous meal the guests were entertained by top solo artiste Dan Davey and mesmerised by magician Graham Mykal with a whole range of up close illusions.

Attending the event for the first

time were the AECC hospital volunteers who visit the chemotherapy ward on a daily basis. Maria would like to say a special thank you to Jim and Paula Scott of El Galan, who made a personal donation of €200 towards the funds raised on the evening. Maria would like to thank all the local businesses who so kindly donated prizes for the raffle.

JUST WANDERFUL

Mischievous fairies infiltrate Parliament

We bet none of these fairies live at the bottom of YOUR garden...

THE Gilbert and Sullivan Society is bringing the mayhem of Iolanthe to the stage of the Casa de Cultura in Guardamar.

This satirical opera tells the story of a fairy infiltration of Parliament, with chaotic results.

Along with their nephew Strephon, who is half-mortal and half-fairy, the fairies cause all sorts of trouble with the legislation they are enacting. And they get Strephon into romantic difficulties as his girlfriend, Phyllis, doesn’t believe the beautiful and very young-looking fairy he has been spotted with is his mum, Iolanthe.

Phyllis rejects the seemingly unfaithful Strephon only to be pursued by the Lord Chancellor and the two party leaders, all of whom have the hots for Phyllis.

A note of sanity is injected into the proceedings by the lugubrious sentry on duty at Westminster. His sage but rather cynical comments on the goings-on in Parliament are sure to strike a chord with all casual political observers.

Can a solution be found to this chaos? To find out, book your seat for the Gilbert and Sullivan Society production on March 28, 29 and 30. Tickets cost €8 and are available from The Card Shop, Quesada, Casa De Cultura, Guardamar or by phoning 966 198 396 or e-mailing to dfarrer1@terra.es

Join the flower power walkers and help PCN THE Charity Challenge Walk, now in its fourth year, takes place at Casa La Pedrera in Torremendo near San Miguel on February 26 and the organisers need YOU! Whatever your fitness, there’s still time to sign up for a spot of flower walking around the lake in aid of Paul Cunningham Nurses.

While it’s still a little too soon for most of the campo’s

wildflowers, walkers can look out for some early blooms as they stroll, march or run around the lake.

And the stunning almond blossom in pink and white

that is currently enhancing the surrounding countryside is sure to delight.

What better way to spend a couple of hours on an otherwise lazy Sunday afternoon? And you’ll enjoy it all the more knowing you are not just having a great day but helping a worthwhile cause, too.

If you cannot make the walk but still want to help, you can sponsor the walk by dropping an envelope into a PCN charity shop or leaving it with any of the bars or clubs supporting the event.

For more details on the walk and the work of PCN, visit www.paulcunninghamnurses.com, email sueinthesun@hotmail.co.uk or call 639 318 526.

MEDIUM, clairvoyant, psychic and astrologer Kenny Corris will be at Hotel El Corazon Pueblo Lucero, Quesada on March 15.

Kenny will be available during the day for private readings and in the evening will present An Audience With Kenny Corris. Tickets for the evening are €10 and readings cost €25.

Kenny is giving his time to help Paul Cunningham Nurses, a charity he has supported for the past four year.

For more details of the show and readings, email sueinthesun@hotmail.co .uk or call 639 318 526.

A night of clairvoyance

AFTER a successful night of clairvoyance at The Baker Foundation last year, another event for The Davila/Grewar Family Fund has been arranged with Medium Mark Brandist.

Mark is a natural Medium, healer and teacher of spiritual philosophy.

In 1983 Mark had a near death experience when he died for three minutes, 20 seconds which has enhanced his gift.

He was the first Medium to demonstrate in New York for 9/11.

The event will be on March 28 and if you would like to see Mark, call Lyn Adams on 96 507 7014 or 676 650 210.

Tickets costs €5.

Crafty types wanted THE Entre Naranjos and Laguna Green Fiesta Committee is calling on all arts and craft practitioners to get in touch if they wish to be part of an arts and crafts fair at the urbanisation’s summer fiesta in July.

They are looking for people to set up stalls to sell their art and craft products and also for people who can stage demonstrations.

Charity and voluntary organisations are also welcome to set up information and fundraising stalls.

For details contact Yvonne West on 965 008 086.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

And see where it takes you

Turn to page Page 18 For another great TKO Gold competition question. It’s a chance to win a meal for 2 at Manhattan Restaurant All you have to do is read their advert for more information.

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Welcome to the famous TKO Gold pop quiz! We sure did have some fun with last week’s questions.

All you have to do is take the first letter from each answer to find the name of a band or artist. Once you have found the key word, listen in to Chris Ashley´s show on TKO Gold, Saturday mornings 9am – 12pm.

1. Kinks 2nd UK hit.

2. Michael Stipe is the lead singer with this band.

3. What did Tiny Tim do with tulips in 1968.

4. Where did the devil go down to according to Charlie Daniels.

5. Van Morrison album...a starry 7 days.

6. Thom Yorke formed this band in 1988.

7. Jim Morrison of the Doors came from this American state.

8. One of this mega groups original names was The Virgin Prunes.

9. Madness were nicknamed the ?????

Boys.

10. Roberta Flack had a 1973 hit with this song about American Pie man Don McLean.

11. More fitting for TKO FM but do you the stage name for Marshall Mathers the Third.

12. Who had a hit in 1968 with Little Arrows.

32

Friday, February 17, 2012

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 26 represents G and 24 represents T, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 In short supply (6) 4 Social ranking (6) 9 Shake up (7) 10 Impudent aggressiveness (5) 11 Unifying concept (5) 12 Offensive to social standards (7) 13 People with more than one spouse (11) 18 Unyielding (7) 20 Hereditary social class among Hindus (5) 22 Unspecified object (5) 23 Get hold of (7) 24 Call off (6) 25 Badger (6)

Down 1 Insubstantial (6) 2 Stay a while (5) 3 Bondage (7) 5 Pure sounds (5) 6 Agony (7) 7 Scandinavian country (6) 8 Study of travel through the air (11) 14 Enthusiastic and sustained round of applause (7) 15 Burnt fragrance (7) 16 Part of a plan (6) 17 Improved in health (6) 19 Present reasons and arguments (5) 21 Mine part (5)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Sea bass, 5 Shrew, 8 Another, 9 Roast, 10 Maybe, 11 Subside, 12 System, 14 Polyps, 17 Scamper, 19 Stiff, 22 Elite, 23 Terrify, 24 Traps, 25 Swelter.

Down: 1 Swarm, 2 Agony, 3 Athlete, 4 Stress, 5 Shrub, 6 Reality, 7 Witness, 12 Suspect, 13 Stamina, 15 Observe, 16 Gratis, 18 Press, 20 Idiot, 21 Foyer.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Confesses to running amok, it’s mad (6) 4 Two pig stealers will get beaten! (3-3) 9 This storm is too darn awful (7) 10 Due to circumstances, the account was still unsettled (5) 11 Bill or Napoleon is some kind of nut (5) 12 Take care of furniture if not broken (7) 13 If in financial difficulties, request tree is chopped up (5,6) 18 Cover that prevents damage to the sewer (7) 20 The spot to find fish, one hears (5) 22 A sail back with a different name (5) 23 Decline to chop off head of Edwin, led astray (7) 24 Mugs broken in sets (6) 25 The French shelter is temporarily inactive (6)

Down 1 Fast rally reveals starlike qualities (6) 2 Nintendo character takes mother to carnival resort (5) 3 Apprentice team leader has wet weather at the end of June, sweetheart (7) 5 In cod, our smell is found (5) 6 Roman officer burnt, that is possible (7) 7 Greek capital framed by artist - an attractive thing (6) 8 Promised noisy gadget for a change (5,6) 14 Use scruffy boilersuit when Rob leaves (7) 15 Damaged parcel I copy (7) 16 Takes stock in haste also (6) 17 Opt for the best (6) 19 The wrong bonus for the petty officer (5) 21 Join the French, become confused! (5)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Stellar (6) 2 Video game character (5) 3 Apprentice (7) 5 Smell (5) 6 Roman official (7) 7 Device that attracts iron (6) 8 Dating regularly (5,6) 14 Use (7) 15 Reproduction (7) 16 Makes off with (6) 17 Choose (6) 19 Ship’s officer (5) 21 Confuse (5)

Across 1 Confesses (6) 4 Type of drum (3-3) 9 Cyclone (7) 10 Unpaid (5) 11 Fruit of the oak tree (5) 12 Raise (7) 13 Debt or other difficulties (5,6) 18 Sewer’s finger protector (7) 20 Site (5) 22 Assumed name (5) 23 Diminish (7) 24 Beer mugs (6) 25 Potential (6)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Hoarded, 5 Erect, 8 Reminisce, 9 Ian, 10 Dated, 12 Outcome, 13 Cat-o-nine-tails, 15 Sterner, 17 Nylon, 19 Ode, 20 Entertain, 22 Kudos, 23 Sellers.

Down: 1 Herod, 2 Aim, 3 Dunedin, 4 Discount rates, 5 Event, 6 Editorial, 7 Tenders, 11 Title deed, 13 Cassock, 14 Tendril, 16 Needs, 18 Nones, 21 Ate.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

Bosnia Cause Lama 3 letter words Emerge Mares Lame Ago Girder Naval Lira Ale Goalie Pagan Lots Ant Lasers Panic Nits Are Parole Scare Root Ark Shyest Space Slam Duo Sourer Spark Slap Era Surely Stare Smut May Toggle Steer Stag One 7 letter words Stela Task Ova Artisan 6 letter words They Sty Artiste Amoral 5 letter words Ugh Descant Aslant Alack 4 letter words Shyness Assets Banns Best Astral Bland Gaol

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Little (not much) (4) 3 Cenas (a última hora) (7) 7 Gato (3) 8 Sour (fruit, flavour) (f) (5) 9 Sabroso (comida) (5) 10 Serious (person) (5) 11 Cave (5) 12 Sobrina (5) 13 Escritorio (mueble) (4) 14 Nickname (5) 16 Fregaderos (5) 18 Vida (existencia) (4) 20 Clear (meaning, explanation) (5) 22 Tree (botany) (5) 24 Barandillas (de balcón) (5) 25 Águila (ave) (5) 26 Aceituna (5) 27 Hombre (varón adulto) (3)

28 Piece of toast (7) 29 Glass (of beer, water, wine) (4) Down 1 Iron (for clothes) (7) 2 Meat (5) 3 Cigüeñas (ornitología) (6) 4 Python (5) 5 Del este (7) 6 Estilo (manera) (5) 7 Married (person) (6) 15 Naranjas (frutas) (7) 16 Estación (parte del año) (6) 17 Bachelor (7) 19 Language (national tongue) (6) 20 Pecho (tórax) (5) 21 Ear (anatomical) (5) 23 Breeze (wind) (5)

33

Friday, February 17, 2012 Across 7 From the Japanese for ‘tray planting’, what name is given to a dwarfed ornamental tree or shrub grown in a tray or shallow pot? (6) 8 Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili was the real name of which Soviet statesman, who was the general secretary of the Communist party of the USSR from 1922 to 1953? (6) 9 Dance Dance (Yowsah Yowsah Yowsah), Everybody Dance and Le Freak were all British top 10 hit singles for which American ‘disco’ group? (4) 10 Which word from the Greek for ‘having learned much’, describes a person of wideranging knowledge or learning? (8) 11 What name is given to historical accounts or biographies written from personal knowledge or special sources? (7) 13 Which soft crumbly or chewy sweet made from sugar, butter, and milk or cream, also means to avoid or try to avoid fulfilling, answering, or performing duties, questions, or issues?

(5) 15 Which 1983 film written, directed and starring Barbra Streisand, told the story of a Jewish girl who tries to get on in the world dressed as a boy? (5) 17 Iago, Desdemona, Cassio and Roderigo are all characters in which William Shakespeare tragedy? (7) 20 See 24 21 Which city in Texas was the scene of a 51-day standoff between federal agents and members of the Branch Davidian religious cult in 1993? (4) 23 Named after a member of an ancient Jewish sect, what name is now applied to a person who is fanatical and uncompromising in pursuit of their religious, political, or other ideals?

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

(6) 24/20 Which American novelist and short-story writer’s best known novels are Moby Dick and Billy Budd? (6,8) Down 1 What is the Scottish word for a lake? (4)

2 The American actor Anthony Perkins is best remembered for his portrayal of the murderous motel owner Norman Bates in which 1960 Alfred Hitchcock thriller? (6) 3 What was the title of the only British top 10 hit single by The Motors? (7) 4 What name is given to a sacred song or hymn, in particular any of those contained in the Bible and used in Christian and Jewish worship? (5) 5 What was the name of the African secret society originating among the Kikuyu that in the 1950s used violence and terror to try to expel European settlers and end British rule in Kenya? (3,3) 6 Which castle on the coast of northern Cornwall is the legendary birthplace of King Arthur? (8) 12 Which 1973 number one hit single by the Simon Park Orchestra, was the theme tune to the television series Van der Valk?

(3,5) 14 Which Dutch city gave its name to series of treaties (1713-14) ending the War of the Spanish Succession?

(7) 16 Which country in the south-western Pacific consisting of a group of nine main islands, was formerly called the Ellice Islands? (6) 18 What is the first name of the youngest child of Queen Elizabeth II? (6) 19 The period from late 1940 to May 1941, when the German air raids were centred on London, is commonly referred to as the what? (5) 22 Which greenish-blue colour, one of the primary subtractive colours, is complementary to red? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH SINTOMAS - SYMPTONS

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

1. Who wrote 'Northanger Abbey'?

2. Who are the two most translated English writers?

3. Which French novelist wrote 'La Comedie Humaine'?

4. What play contains the line; 'Shall there be no more cakes and ale'?

5. In Greek mythology who was the goddess of chastity?

6. Where was Bunyon when he wrote 'Pilgrims Progress'?

7. What was the name of Dagwood Bumstead and Blondie's dog?

8. Yggdrasil is what in Norse mythology?

9. In which of Aristophane's plays do the women refuse sex?

10. Who wrote the 'Man in the Iron Mask'?

11. Thomas Harris created what character?

12. Thomas Keneally wrote which book that became an Oscar winning film?

13. Who did Orpheus go to rescue in the underworld?

14. Who was Olive Oyl's boyfriend, before Popeye?

1. Jayne Austin 2. Shakespeare and Agatha Christie 3.

Honor'e de Balzac 4. Twelfth Night 5. Artemis sister of Apollo 6. Bedford Jail 7. Daisy 8. Tree 9. Lysistrata 10.

Alexander Dumas 11. Hannibal Lector 12. Schindler's Ark 13. Eurydice 14. Ham Gravy

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 7 Dynamo, 8 Amoeba, 9/15 Mein Kampf, 10 Ben Nevis, 11 Widmark, 13 Monty, 17 Pouffes, 20 Werewolf, 21 Cody, 23 Slalom, 24 Endive.

Down: 1 Lyre, 2 Magnum, 3 Homburg, 4 Maine, 5 Toledo, 6 Absinthe, 12 Isabella, 14 Toffees, 16 Paella, 18 Facade, 19 Somme, 22 Diva.

16.diarrea, 17.mareo, 18.inconsciencia, 19.irritacion, 20.fatiga. a.to feel sick, b.to be sick, c.tiredness, d.temperature, e.diarrhoea, f.fatigue, g.headache, h.swelling.

i.sneezes, j.dizziness, k.flu, l.sore throat, m.stinging, n.itching, o.lack of appetite, p.irritation, q.mucus/snot, r.unconsciouness, s.cough, t.prickly itch.

Answers: 1g, 2s, 3q, 4k, 5a, 6b, 7l, 8c, 9h, 10m, 11t, 12n, 13d, 14i, 15o, 16e, 17j, 18r, 19p, 20f.

literature QUIZ

1.Dolor-de-cabeza, 2.tos, 3.mocos, 4.gripe, 5.nausea, 6.vomito, 7.dolor-de-garganta, 8.cansancio, 9.hinchazon, 10.ardor, 11.picor, 12.comezon, 13.fiebre, 14.estornudos, 15.falta-de-apetito,

N D O G C O X LN X O R R IA ARDOR O O T R O E I Y G I D B N T D CANSANCIO I L I I M R Y C C I E C N E X COMEZON C O M P EAT NAR OAB T D DIARREA AROEZMARBNGAGGO T D V N O S R E S R O C I P V DOLOR-DEI E N E N E I C A E S U A N O CABEZA R C G AA F I G F A T I G A B R A C K O E E K R G X E T Z U DOLOR-DE-GARGANTA I B K M N D L D I C M N G Q P C E P C R S O D U N R O T S E ESTORNUDOS P Z I O O R T Z F E A A C S C FALTA-DE-APEF A L T A D E A P E T I T O D TITO O O H I N C HAZ O N C J M S FATIGA D L U J J F K G C I J G I B H Soduko

Span - Eng

Quizword

FIEBRE GRIPE HINCHAZON INCONSCIENCIA IRRITACION MAREO MOCOS NAUSEA PICOR TOS VOMITO Fill It In

34

Friday, February 17, 2012

Horoscopes

By Pandora

Aries March 21 - April 19 Personal warranties don't mean that you're ever going get your money back on that piece of crap you bought of the "man in the funny hat". An application to receive an award from a website may go very successfully today. Watch out for bullet-shaped objects.

Mum puts me down Hello Rose. I am all at blows with my mum.

I got pregnant at 16, and kept the baby... this is where the problems started - she started to criticise me at every opportunity when I was trying my best.

I did everything by myself, and rarely asked for help...

(I am stubborn in that way) My daughter is now five and the teachers say she is gifted, my mum seems to be jealous and everything I do is a problem to her, my choice of partner, moving to a smaller house, wanting to find a job.

The problem I have is that she expects so much from me, and she was never the best mother. I have never felt loved by her, she brought men back, she went out with friends a lot and left my older sister to babysit us.

One day I woke up on my birthday and she wasn't even home yet. I have got over these things, but how can she criticise me?

I feel like she is trying to force me into being the mother she never was, but I am young and want her to understand I need to do it my own way (which hasn't failed me so far, my daughter is lovely and well mannered).

I went to college to try and please her, she never said well done. I got my A levels and started looking for work, and she sent me a job application for a dinner lady (to put me down) when I was aiming higher and trying to find work in admin.

She even told me to stay on benefits as I will be better off, and I should work because I need to be there for my daughter. BUT I WANT TO WORK! She does all the in phases, and when she has a man around she will leave me alone for a few months until they break up. I need my mum to stop being so nasty and manipulative, at times I have felt like she hates me.

LINDSEY Via email Hello Lindsey. Firstly, well done you. You accepted your responsibilities when you became pregnant, and you are not becoming one of the UKs stereotypical young mums. You have done so well in teaching your child to behave and have manners and also furthering your education.

By getting a job doesn't mean you won't be there for your daughter, in fact you'll be teaching her more respect and that you have to work for the things you have.

It is true, you probably would be better off on your benefits but you will feel much more pride in having a job and actually earning what you have. Of course you are

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Regret can hurt you over a long period.

Lament today, but tomorrow must be a day for anger and retribution. Don't let others stifle your creativity. It's alright to make paintings out of their droppings. When faced with a lifetime of trauma, please remember what your mother always told you.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 Unfortunately for you, the way forward can sometimes be the way backwards this week.

This may become a particularly apparent problem whilst travelling along a busy motorway.

Your legs look nice today. Show them off in some kind of very short skirt that nearly shows your organy-bits. Yes Derek, I'm talking to you!

Cancer June 21 - July 22

If you have a problem Romany Rose can help you with, email her at office@thecourier.es likely to still be entitled to tax credits which are always a help.

But you need to confront your mum and explain that you are happy with your life, your partner is good to you and you couldn't ask for a better child, also explain that you want an admin job because you have work too hard to do nothing.

Don't let her make you feel belittled, you have done a fantastic job with your child and education and should be proud of where you are. If your mum can't be proud of your achievements, just ignore her comments.

I don't understand why she would want you to do things differently but that's her problem, not yours.

Should I help him?

Hi Rose. I was going out with my ex for over 3 years, during which time he had been in and out of jobs and near the end of our relationship (when it was on and off) he got himself into debt.

I split up with him a month ago because of many reasons, including his possessiveness and anger problems. However, since we broke up he has been very down and has spoken about ending his life, although I don't think he would.

I know he loves me and is a good person, despite the problems we had. I want to help him because he can't rely on anyone else and I know it seems like a bad idea but I would feel so awful if he got into a worse state than he already is and I worry so much about the debt he is getting in as he hasn't had a job for a few months now. Please help. Thanks.

MAGDA, El Galan

Hello Magda. Be there to support him, he needs some help. Help him find a job, go through job ads with him, help him make a CV and send apps off.

Help to learn to budget and plan his finances, is he receiving benefits? If not then he needs to look into this, he needs some financial help while he tries to find a job.

He might need to contact the lenders to arrange a payment plan if he is in difficulties repaying the debt, not ideal but better than missing payments. Be there to support him and reassure him that things will get better.

I read his sexy texts I’VE been with my boyfriend for a year and he’s 24 and recently started university. He told me that a girl in his class told him she was in love with him but he told her he had a girlfriend and he wasn’t interested. This was seven months ago.

Since I have found texts on his phone with this girl saying 'the offer’s always open' and him replying 'if anyone found out, I’d get into trouble', what do I do?

He would end it if he knew I read his texts!!! Please help! It’s getting me down and on my mind 24/7.

ANTONIA. Gran Alacant Antonia, if that is all the texts said, then I think he was turning her down as gently as possible - there's only so many times you can say "I don't want you". From what you say, he's given you no reason to distrust him. If you really can't get over it, I would say to him (some time when you're both relaxed) that you know it's silly, but you still feel a little insecure knowing he's at university with someone who made a play for him.

However, I think the best option is to deliberately distract yourself when you start thinking about it.

A fling of the past Hello Rose, Three years ago my mum died and a few months later I stupidly had a two-day fling with someone else. I have been with my partner for 19 years and we have six kids.

My partner found out a day after it had happened and he was hurt, disgusted, and furious which was understandable.

The problem is 3 years on and he still can’t forgive me, we have good days where he treats me like a princess and promises it will be a fresh start for us and nothing more will be said about the fling and other days he treats me like the scum of the earth calling me all the names under the sun.

I have said I'm sorry a million times and have done everything I can to make him trust me and see that I am truly sorry but nothing has worked it’s at the stage now where he can’t even have full sex with me I just don’t know what to do.

MICHELLE, La Mata Have you tried joint counselling with someone like Relate? Do you think he would agree to go? I am not sure if they would see you on your own.

For what it's worth I think he needs to realise that he has to make his mind up.

Either he forgives you properly and doesn't throw this accusation into the mix every time you have a disagreement, or he decides he can't forgive you and you go your separate ways - and then he can no longer blame you for having relationships with other people.

I also think he could have been a bit more understanding about the reasons you had for behaving in a way which I presume was out of character for you.

Unruly behaviour by your closest friends can be solved using cake-forks. Testing times will see you fall by the wayside. Any joke you have to seriously think about today is not worth 'getting'. You may find solace in someone's choice of underwear today.

Leo July 23 - August 22 When asked if you're OK today, you may feel tempted to respond with physical violence.

Plants may be out to get you today, so look to buying some kind of weed-killer. Avoid spraying week-killer into loved ones' eyes. Today you will find that your favourite attribute in a person is their ability to tell you how fantastic you are.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Most of your dreams will come true over the coming fortnight, so prepare for wealth, health and happiness, you lucky dog. Banking on anyone this week? Don't let them let you down like they did me. I'm still picking up the pieces of a tattered life. Today might be the day when you get stuck in a hole with a dwarf.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Why not test yourself by not eating or drinking anything. Headaches and random convulsions may become a regular part of your life today. Day time television can motivate you to rethink the monotony of your life. You may decide to pep up your life by going on a short cookery course.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 The legend of the baked bean may trouble you today as last night's meal tries to catch up with last week's. Combovers will suddenly attract you this week as you attempt to get a hospital appointment for an eye problem. You will be plagued by happy people, but don't be swayed by them, stay miserable.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Gibberish may possibly occur to you at some point during the next 12 days as you attempt to do something new, or possibly old. You are at a point in your life where you feel you are only there to serve. So get moving! Serve away! Remember that water dissolves alien beasts and some witches.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Cartoon fun can be yours if you pick up the right set of pencils and think really hard about drawing. The gift you have that allows you to speak to the animals will today be unveiled as a fraud. Pull out of any prior engagements tonight as you are about to receive a special unexpected visitor.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Most of what you do may be questioned this week - however, you will fly through those questions with ease and be praised for your general application. The number 10 may be given added significance today and will randomly pop up in everyday conversations.

10.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Any rumours you may have heard about a certain special someone may come true this week. Hope can solve nearly all of your problems today. Until tomorrow when all of your dreams will be dashed to pieces. The number I am thinking of is 12. This is not the number you are thinking of.

35

Friday, February 17, 2012

TRELI ON THE TELLY POLITICIANS and public figures are always fair game for a bit of mickey-taking, so it really has surprised me that British TV has had little in the way of biting satirical shows in the last half century.

Since, in fact, the groundbreaking days of a young David Frost hosting the BBC’s razor-sharp That Was The Week That Was. If you watch one of those shows now, you’ll wonder how that talented team got away with it, and it wasn’t until the Spitting Image puppets appeared in the eighties, that we had a return to full-frontal satire.

These days, satirical comment is mainly left to panel shows like Have I Got News for You, but there is one very interesting exception in the form of Channel 4’s Ten O’Clock Show, which is back for a second series on a Wednesday night.

The four hosts, David Mitchell, Jimmy Carr, Charlie Brooker and the useless Lauren Laverne (surely a Jo Brand or Sandi Toksvig would have been better), banter during the live show about the latest news stories, with some hit-or-miss sketches, one the highlights being the intelligent Mitchell asking direct questions of prominent guests about a topical issue.

The Ten O’Clock Show - hit or miss sletches

FROSTY THE GO MAN

Ten O’clock Show has that TW3 feel

with ALEX TRELINSKI The format is not too far removed from TW3 all those years ago, and is watchable because it does try to be different. At times, though, there are awkward pauses, as well as it trying to be a bit too much in your face, with swearing and shouting just for the sake of it. The best satire is cool, calm and measured, which at certain points the Ten O’Clock Show isn’t. It’s a brave and admirable shot, but with such

a large production team on the end credits, they really ought to do better.

I’m all for repeats, so long as they genuinely give you the chance to catch up on something good you may have missed watching over the last year or two. One such case is Channel 4’s The Inbetweeners, a riotous comedy romp about a group of teenage lads at secondary school. I’d never seen it before, so was pleased to catch up with it right from the start.

I’m glad I did, as I thoroughly enjoyed the antics, with one or two memories from my schooldays coming back, not necessarily good ones.

I can see why it was a hit, and why it spawned a successful movie, and I’m loving every second of it.

The Spanish channel, La Sexta, really does play a blinder in getting early show-

ings of US TV shows, often ahead of Sky. I raved about Person of Interest in the autumn, which crazily for a big hit has yet to find a UK channel, and now La Sexta has got hold of the muchtalked about Alcatraz which, like Person of Interest, has been exec produced by the creator of Lost, J.J. Abrams.

The good news for UK satellite viewers is that this show will start airing next month on the ‘Watch’ channel.

The plot is that nearly 50 years after the closure of Alcatraz Jail, prisoners who mysteriously vanished en masse in its final days, are now re-appearing in modern day San Francisco. They have not aged at all, and all seem to be bent on killing old

NATHAN (Taylor Lautner) has spent his teenage years in suburban bliss outside Pittsburgh.

He's on the wrestling team, he seems popular enough, his parents Mara (Maria Bello) and Kevin CAST: Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins, Sigourney Weaver, tion of the Girl With the (Jason Isaacs) are loving Jason Isaacs DIRECTOR: John Singleton GENRE: Dragon Tattoo series), but stern when he stays Action/Adventure RATING: 3/5 RUNNING TIME: 106 min. show up at his doorstep out all night partying, to retrieve him for and he has his own occurred to him, until unanswered. His poking fiendish purposes. motorcycle. If he strug- when researching a class around online summons People, well-intengles with sporadic anger project he and Karen the unwelcome attention tioned and not, have issues and is haunted by (Lily Collins) Nathan's of various agencies devoted their lives to tryinterest come who've been keeping an ing to find or hide memories of an unidenti- love fiable woman being mur- across a Web site with eye out for him, and omi- Nathan. The purposes of dered in front of him, digitally aged photos of nous Eastern Europeans, this battle between deadwell, that's why he sees children reported miss- led by a man named ly operatives on an interhis shrink, Dr. Bennett ing, one of which looks a Kozlow (Michael Nyqvist, national stage are at best (Sigourney Weaver). lot like Nathan. of the Swedish adapta- sketched out, but how I won't give away the Instead of playing catch, his father insists on vio- secret of Nathan's back- This dvd review was brought to you by MOVING lently sparring with him ground, but let's allow MOVIES - OVER 7000 DVDS IN STOCK. Delivering all in the backyard, but any that it raises dozens of over Spain and the UK Visit www.movingmovies.biz Tel oddness to that hasn't questions that are left 650 751 072 or email movingmoviesdvds@gmail.com

enemies and relatives.

So, you end up with a prisoner-of-the-week situation in every episode, as well as the mystery of how the whole prison population disappeared back in 1963. There are plenty of familiar faces, like Sam Neill, who is charged with finding these men, having been a young warder at the jail years ago, And Jorge Garcia, who was the wonderful Hurley in Lost, and plays an Alcatraz expert who knows everything about every inmate.

I’m wavering as to whether Alcatraz will offer enough variation and surprises, as well as answers, to keep the interest going long-term. But I have enjoyed what I’ve seen so far, and I heartily

ABDUCTION 12 essential Nathan is to everyone is never in question -- at one point a villain even threatens him by promising to kill every friend he has on Facebook.

What better reassurance that you're the centre of the universe in this modern age?

recommend you to give it a view.

Some five million UK viewers tuned in to watch Sunday evening’s BAFTA film awards, but it’s a long time since the award shows packed a punch in pulling big audiences. That’s why I’ve been mystified in recent years as to why TV companies around the world seem so obsessed by them. Also, to give some context, nearly twice as many folk checked in for Call the Midwife before the stars started walking on the Red Carpet.

Meanwhile, ITV are heavily plugging The Brits for next Tuesday night, but I bet they will still lose out to Holby City in the ratings. I’ll also save you some time by telling you that Adele will win every category she has been nominated for!

If you are having trouble sleeping, then I suggest you check out BBC2’s Roger and Val Have Just Got In on a Wednesday night. Despite Alfred Molina and Dawn French in the title roles, the first series had absolutely nothing to commend it, and some nutter on a drugs trip misguidedly decided to commission a second run.

God knows why, because surely if a show is labelled a comedy, it should make me laugh. This one doesn’t and is part of a whole stable of unfunny comedies (Miranda excepted but now pinched by BBC1), that have become a sad trademark for a once trail-blazing BBC2.

36

The Courier Friday TV

February 17

00:35 Battle in Seattle 02:10 Skiing Weatherview 02:15 Panorama 02:45 Countryfile 03:40 Britain's Killer Roads 04:25 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 05:10 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Britain's Empty Homes 12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 School for Stars 16:35 Wingin' It 16:55 Deadly Art 17:15 OOglies 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Room 101 22:00 Hustle 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Zigby 07:25 Garth and Bev 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Everything's Rosie 08:00 Deadly Top 10 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 LazyTown 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 The Large Family 10:35 Guess with Jess 10:45 Harry and Toto's World of Opposites 10:50 Louie 10:55 Same Smile 11:10 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:15 64 Zoo Lane 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 The Pink Panther Show 12:50 The Pink Panther Show 13:10 When Zachary Beaver Came to Town 14:30 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Britain's Heritage Heroes 20:00 Live Cycling 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Mastermind 22:00 Baka: A Cry from the Rainforest 23:30 Newsnight

00:50 Take Me Out 02:00 The Zone 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Safari Vet School 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Law & Order: UK 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Hot Fuzz

00:05 01:10 01:15 Truth 02:10 03:05 04:35 05:20 06:15 06:20 07:05 07:15 07:40 08:05 08:35 09:00 09:25 09:55 10:55 12:00 13:00 13:05 13:10 14:15 16:10 17:00 18:00 18:30 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 20:35 21:30 22:00 23:00 23:50

The Wedding Proposal Random Acts Gok's Teens: The Naked Embarrassing Bodies Knights of the South Bronx Brothers & Sisters Time Team Channel 4 Presents Countdown The Treacle People The Hoobs The Hoobs Freshly Squeezed According to Jim Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier The Secret Millionaire USA Relocation, Relocation A Place in the Sun Channel 4 News Summary River Cottage Bites Country House Rescue Cry Havoc Countdown Deal or No Deal Come Dine with Me Coach Trip The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News 4thought.tv Come Dine with Me New Girl The Bank Job The Mad Bad Ad Show Rude Tube

HOT FUZZ 00:20 Toughest Place to Be 01:20 An Island Parish 01:50 HARDtalk 02:00 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Languages & Travel: Brazil Inside Out - Rio De Janeiro 05:30 Languages & Travel: Talk Portuguese 1-6

Action comedy starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.

Pegg stars as an over-achieving London policeman transferred to a crime-free village where all is not as it seems. What begins as a very funny, very British murder mystery eventually mutates into an ironic action spectacular that blows up half of Gloucestershire (or rather, Wells pretending to be Gloucestershire)

00:30 UEFA Europa League Highlights 01:15 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Build a New Life in the Country 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Miami 16:15 Out of the Woods 18:00 Neighbours 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 Home and Away 19:55 Inside Hollywood 20:00 Royal Navy: Caribbean Patrol 21:00 World's Toughest Trucker 22:00 The Mentalist 22:55 NCIS 23:55 NCIS

YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT...

Knife proof abs

Russian authorities said a man was arrested for allegedly stabbing a friend who claimed his abs were strong enough to resist a knife blade.

The Russian Interior Ministry released a statement last Tuesday saying the man, whose name was not released, was practicing martial arts techniques with a friend at a party in Rostovon-Don. "The owner of the home got a big kitchen knife and asked his guest to stab him in the stomach. He refused at first, saying he was afraid he would kill the host. However, the host said that in his childhood he was involved in martial arts and the knife could not penetrate his abs," the statement read.

However, the homeowner's claim turned out to be exaggerated and he soon found himself hospitalized with a serious stomach wound.

Mooner fined

An Australian barman who mooned the U.K.'s Queen Elizabeth during her visit to the country last year has been fined about €613, according to reports.

Liam Warriner, 22, of Sydney, admitted being a public nuisance after a charge of wilful exposure was dropped. He was fined 750 Australian dollars, which is just over €613.

The Queen's motorcade was driving along a street lined with crowds of people in Brisbane when Warriner dropped his underwear and shorts and lifted his shirt.

He then ran about 50 yards alongside the motorcade with an Australian flag between his buttocks. He later told police he did not like the Queen or elitist groups.

Warriner's lawyer John-Paul Mould said his client was unlikely to do the same thing again as it was "extremely unlikely as the Queen was unlikely to visit Australia again”

Warriner said after the court case that he had no regrets.

"I'm a proud anti-monarchist ... What's uncivilized about it?

We came into the world naked," Warriner added that people should not think of the Queen as a "cute granny," saying she was a "very powerful woman."

There was a heated exchange between Warriner and reporters outside the court.

Warriner said Australia Prime Minister Julia Gillard and even Barack Obama would not be immune to his style of protest, the paper reported.

"Any self-important, self-propagating elitists, I will happily bare my buttocks to and tell them what I think of them," he said.

A street cleaner who found an 18-carat Rolex Oyster Daytona watch in a drain turned it over to police after getting a jeweller to assess its value.

The watch's estimated value is 21,000 pounds (€25,000),

find, and it's hard to imagine how something so valuable has not been reported lost or stolen by its owner," said Police Constable Calley Mackay, a specialist in stolen property in Southend Police. "It is possible, seeing

"So the media says, but who knows?" Magistrate Ann Thacker replied.

'Proud antimonarchist'

Cleaner finds Rolex in drain This Is Total Essex reported.

If no one claims it in the next month, it will become the property of the man who found it.

Police said the watch has not been reported missing.

"This was a highly unusual

as the drain was near Leigh train station, that the watch was dropped by a commuter."

Mackay said the watch has a serial number so "only honest people need apply" for its return.

Bottom rocket

A West Virginia college student is suing his fraternity, alleging that he fell off a deck when a drunken frat brother fired a bottle rocket out of his own anus. Louis Helmburg III alleges that Travis Hughes's bottle-rocket stunt so startled him that he jumped back and fell. "Firing bottle rockets out of one's anus," the lawsuit states, "constitutes an 'ultrahazardous' activity."

Expletive blitz

A football fan is suing the city of San Diego for the right to yell profanities at sporting events. Eric Holguin was ejected from a Chargers game after a verbal altercation with rival fans and claims that the NFL's prohibition on fan cursing is blatantly unconstitutional. "A fan has a right to say 'F--- you,'" says Holguin's attorney. "It's a public place."

37

The Courier Saturday TV

February 18

00:20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:30 Severance 02:00 Weatherview 02:05 Question Time 03:05 Great Barrier Reef 04:05 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 04:50 Newswatch 05:00 BBC News 05:30 On the Road With 06:00 BBC News 06:30 Our World 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:35 Rachel Allen: Home Cooking 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Football Focus 14:00 Live Athletics 17:30 Final Score 18:10 A Question of Sport 18:40 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:00 Winter Wipeout 20:00 Let's Dance for Sport Relief 21:20 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins 22:10 Casualty 23:00 BBC News; Weather 23:20 Starsky & Hutch

07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Bob the Builder 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Everything's Rosie 08:00 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab 08:30 Dennis and Gnasher 08:40 The Scooby-Doo Show 09:05 Pixelface 09:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 10:00 Ultimate Sports Day 10:30 Blue Peter 11:00 My Life 11:30 Trapped Ever After 12:00 Hacker Time 12:25 OOglies 12:40 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 The Sky at Night 13:20 Houseguest 15:05 A Good Woman 16:30 Birds Britannia 17:30 Flog It! 18:30 Dad's Army 19:00 The Culture Show 20:00 Live Cycling 22:00 Lucian Freud: Painted Life 23:30 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

01:45 The Zone 03:45 DOA: Dead or Alive 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 12:20 This Morning: Saturday 13:20 ITV News and Weather 13:29 Meridian Weather 13:30 May the Best House Win 14:30 Murder, She Wrote 15:30 Death Becomes Her 17:25 Meridian News and Weather 17:35 ITV News and Weather 17:50 Live FA Cup Football 20:20 New You've Been Framed!

20:50 Harry Hill's TV Burp 21:20 Take Me Out 22:20 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:20 ITV News and Weather 23:34 Meridian Weather 23:35 FA Cup Football Highlights

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL

Sci-fi remake starring Keanu Reeves and Jennifer 00:20 The Review Show 01:00 Weather 01:05 Baka: People of the Rainforest 02:50 The Leather Boys 04:35 Close

Connelly. When a mysterious spacecraft lands in New York City, the American government hastily assembles a group of scientists. A humanoid called Klaatu (Reeves) and a giant robot emerge from the craft with a message that they have come to save the Earth, but when Dr Helen Benson (Connelly) learns of the scale of their intentions she has to act quickly to protect the human race.

00:55 10 O'Clock Live 01:50 Channel 4 Presents 01:55 Hustle & Flow 03:55 Random Acts 04:00 My Name Is Earl 04:25 Hung 04:55 Hung 05:25 Mesh 05:30 Mesh 05:35 Brothers & Sisters 06:15 Countdown 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 GT Academy 08:25 Daytona 24: The Story of the Daytona Challenge 2012 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Everyone's Talking About 10:25 Bourjois Boutique 10:30 This Means War: T4 Movie Special 11:00 New Girl 11:35 New Girl 12:05 Bourjois Boutique 12:10 Playing It Straight 13:05 New Girl 13:35 The Big Bang Theory 14:05 The Simpsons 14:40 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 17:40 Come Dine with Me 18:10 Come Dine with Me 18:45 Come Dine with Me 19:15 Come Dine with Me 19:45 Channel 4 News 20:15 4thought.tv 20:20 The Day the Earth Stood Still 22:10 The Bank Job 23:10 Final Destination 3

00:50 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 05:00 Motorsport Mundial 05:25 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Igam Ogam 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:15 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Family!

08:35 Make Way for Noddy 08:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 11:00 Demolition: The Tallest Tower 12:00 Royal Navy: Caribbean Patrol 13:00 Al Jennings of Oklahoma 14:30 Gunsmoke 16:05 King of Kings 19:15 5 News Weekend 19:20 NCIS 20:10 NCIS 21:00 NCIS 22:00 CSI: NY 22:55 Live Boxing

38

The Courier Sunday TV

February 19

00:55 The Football League Show 02:10 Weatherview 02:15 BBC News 02:30 The Bottom Line 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Dateline London 04:00 BBC News 04:30 British Olympic Dreams 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Click 06:00 BBC News 06:30 The Record Europe 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Country Tracks 13:00 Sunday Politics 14:00 EastEnders 15:50 Penguin Island 16:20 Escape to the Country 17:20 Lifeline 17:30 Songs of Praise 18:05 Polar Bear: Spy on the Ice 19:05 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:30 Countryfile 20:30 Antiques Roadshow 21:30 Call the Midwife 22:30 Upstairs Downstairs 23:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:55 Room 101 - Extra Storage

00:15 Pan Am

00:55 02:40 03:40 07:00 07:10 07:35 07:45 08:00 08:30 08:40 08:40 09:05 09:30 09:30 10:00 11:00 12:30 14:00 15:45 19:00 19:45 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 Bits

Bull Durham The Culture Show Close Little Robots Bob the Builder Octonauts Everything's Rosie Richard Hammond's Blast Lab Dennis and Gnasher The Scooby-Doo Show The Owl Paradise Cafe Diddy Dick & Dom Wingin' It Friday Download Something for the Weekend The Burning Hills The Gumball Rally Live Cycling Ski Sunday Coast World's Most Dangerous Roads Top Gear Swimming with Crocodiles Three Men in a Boat: The Best

00:35 01:30 04:00 04:45 06:30 07:00 08:25 10:25 10:30 11:30 12:30 13:30 14:30 14:34 14:35 17:45 18:30 18:50 19:05 21:00 21:30 22:30 23:00 23:30 23:44 23:45

The Cube ITV News Headlines In Plain Sight ITV Nightscreen ITV Morning News Mini CITV CITV ITV News FA Cup Football Highlights Dinner Date Dickinson's Real Deal Murder, She Wrote ITV News and Weather Meridian Weather Live FA Cup Football All Star Family Fortunes Meridian News and Weather ITV News and Weather Dancing on Ice Coronation Street Wild at Heart Dancing on Ice: The Skate Off That Sunday Night Show ITV News and Weather Meridian Weather FA Cup Football Highlights

UPSTAIRS DOWNSTAIRS Drama and intrigue with the aristocrats and serving staff of 165 Eaton Place as it opens its doors once more. September 1938, and as dark clouds gather over Europe, Hallam's preoccupation with Nazi Germany leads him into dangerous waters overseas. Back home, Lady Agnes is frail following the birth of her second child, and finds great support in the forthright Aunt Blanche, who has made herself comfortable at Eaton Place following the funeral of her sister Lady Holland.

01:00 The Manchurian Candidate 03:15 Dave Gorman's Googlewhack 05:05 90210 05:45 Brothers & Sisters 06:30 Countdown 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 That Paralympic Show 08:30 Channel 4 Presents 08:35 Sailing 09:05 One Tree Hill 10:00 Countdown to the NME Awards 2012 10:20 Bourjois Boutique 10:25 Hollyoaks 12:55 Bourjois Boutique 13:00 The Big Bang Theory 13:30 The Simpsons 14:00 Mighty Joe Young 16:10 Deal or No Deal 17:05 Time Team 18:10 Channel 4 News 18:40 4thought.tv 18:45 The Political Slot 18:50 Fantastic Mr Fox 20:30 Home of the Future 21:30 The Hotel 22:30 Homeland 23:40 Under Siege 2

00:30 The True Story 01:30 SuperCasino 05:00 Nick's Quest 05:25 Divine Designs 05:50 Rough Guide to Islands 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Igam Ogam 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:15 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Family!

08:35 Make Way for Noddy 08:45 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:50 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:20 Angelina Ballerina 09:35 Rupert Bear 09:50 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:10 The Mr Men Show 10:20 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 11:00 Grey's Anatomy 12:00 Police Interceptors 13:00 Cowboy Builders 14:00 Murder 101: Locked Room Mystery 15:45 Starman 17:45 Pearl Harbor 21:00 Saving Private Ryan: The True Story 21:55 5 News Weekend 22:00 Death Race

39

The Courier Monday TV

February 20

00:35 The Apprentice USA 02:05 Weatherview 02:10 Film 2012 with Claudia Winkleman 02:50 Holby City 03:50 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 04:50 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Doorstep Crime 999 12:30 Cowboy Trap 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 School for Stars 16:35 Wingin' It 16:55 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:15 OOglies 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Inside Out 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 The Diamond Queen 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:00 00:45 01:15 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 04:50 07:00 07:10

Ski Sunday Frank Skinner's Opinionated Southern Comfort Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Close Little Robots Zigby

07:25 Garth and Bev 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Everything's Rosie 08:00 Deadly 60 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 LazyTown 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Guess with Jess 10:45 Harry and Toto's World of Opposites 10:50 Louie 10:55 Same Smile 11:10 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:15 64 Zoo Lane 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Animal Park 14:30 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Britain's Heritage Heroes 20:00 Operation Hospital Food with James Martin 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff 22:00 The Tube 23:00 Watson & Oliver 23:30 Newsnight

00:45 Premiership Rugby Union 01:40 The Zone 03:10 River Monsters 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Cornwall with Caroline Quentin 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Whitechapel 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 That Sunday Night Show

THE TUBE Behind-the-scenes look at the London Underground, beginning with weekend rail replacement works threatening to disrupt the daily service, and a woman pushed onto a live track during a busy Saturday night at Leicester Square. The number of passengers using the Tube at the weekend has doubled in the last decade, forcing the system to adapt to changing circumstances.

01:40 Collateral 03:45 The 2006 FIFA World Cup Film: the Grand Finale 05:25 Brothers & Sisters 06:10 Countdown 06:55 The Treacle People 07:05 Sali Mali 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 The Secret Millionaire USA 10:55 Relocation, Relocation 12:00 A Place in the Sun 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Country House Rescue 14:05 Channel 4 Presents 14:10 Rooster Cogburn 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 SuperScrimpers 22:00 Coppers 23:00 True Stories

00:10 Thir13en Ghosts 01:50 Inside Hollywood 02:05 SuperCasino 04:55 Rough Guide to Adventures 05:10 How Not to Decorate 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:55 Milkshake! Monkey 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Build a New Life in the Country 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Miami 16:15 A View from Here 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 World's Toughest Trucker 21:00 Police Interceptors 22:00 Royal Marines: Mission Afghanistan 23:00 The Condemned

40

The Courier Tuesday TV

February 21

00:05 Late Kick Off 00:35 The Graham Norton Show 01:20 The Apprentice USA 02:50 Weatherview 02:55 Birdsong 04:25 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 05:25 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Doorstep Crime 999 12:30 Cowboy Trap 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 School for Stars 16:35 Wingin' It 16:55 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:15 OOglies 17:30 Pixelface 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Prisoners' Wives 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Death Unexplained

07:10 Zigby 07:25 Garth and Bev 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Everything's Rosie 08:00 Deadly 60 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 LazyTown 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Guess with Jess 10:45 Harry and Toto's World of Opposites 10:50 Louie 10:55 Same Smile 11:10 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:15 64 Zoo Lane 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Animal Park 14:30 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Britain's Heritage Heroes 20:00 Raymond Blanc: The Very Hungry Frenchman 21:00 Alex Polizzi: The Fixer 22:00 How to Grow a Planet 23:00 Have I Got Old News for You 23:30 Newsnight 23:30 Weather

00:20 Pan Am 01:00 BBC News 01:30 HARDtalk 02:00 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:15 The Super League Show 05:00 Languages & Travel: Talk German 06:30 Germany Inside Out 07:00 Little Robots

James Corden returns to London's O2 to host the annual music ceremony, featuring performances by Ed Sheeran, Adele, Bruno Mars, Coldplay, Rihanna, Florence and the Machine, Noel Gallagher and Olly Murs. Ed Sheeran leads the way with four nominations, including best British Male Artist and best British Single for The A Team, while Adele and Jessie J are each in the running for three titles, and vying for best International Female Solo Artist are Beyonce, Bjork, Feist, Lady Gaga and Rihanna.

00:05 Law & Order: UK 01:05 River Monsters 01:35 The Zone 01:35 ITV News Headlines 03:35 Champions League Weekly 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 River Monsters 21:00 The Brit Awards 2012 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Benidorm

THE BRIT AWARDS 2012

00:10 01:20 01:25 02:20 02:25 03:20 03:45 04:25 05:10 05:15 06:10 07:05 07:10 07:35 08:00 08:30 08:55 09:25 09:55 10:55 12:00 13:00 13:05 14:05 16:10 17:00 18:00 18:30 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:55 21:00 Truth 22:00 23:00

Homeland Random Acts Shameless Channel 4 Presents Embarrassing Bodies Comedy Lab: Kabadasses 90210 Brothers & Sisters Mesh Home of the Future Full Metal Challenge Sali Mali The Hoobs The Hoobs Freshly Squeezed According to Jim Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Undercover Boss Relocation, Relocation A Place in the Sun Channel 4 News Summary Country House Rescue They Who Dare Countdown Deal or No Deal Come Dine with Me Coach Trip The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News 4thought.tv Gok's Teens: The Naked Big Fat Gypsy Weddings Shameless

01:15 Soho Blues 02:15 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Build a New Life in the Country 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 Deadly Honeymoon 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Braveheart: The True Story 22:00 Body of Proof 23:00 CSI: NY

41

The Courier Wednesday TV

February 22

00:15 Neighbourhood Watched 01:00 The Apprentice USA 02:30 Weatherview 02:35 Inside Men 03:35 Horizon 04:35 An Island Parish 05:05 Rip Off Britain 05:35 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Doorstep Crime 999 12:30 Cowboy Trap 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather 16:05 School for Stars 16:35 Wingin' It 16:55 Deadly Art 17:15 OOglies 17:30 My Life 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 19:30 Weather 19:55 Party Political Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery 23:45 Kevin Bridges What's the Story?

00:20 Rubicon 01:05 Rubicon 01:50 HARDtalk 02:00 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:05 Close 05:00 Languages & Travel: Ma France

07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Zigby 07:25 Garth and Bev 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Everything's Rosie 08:00 Deadly 60 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 LazyTown 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Guess with Jess 10:45 Harry and Toto's World of Opposites 10:50 Louie 10:55 Same Smile 11:10 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:15 64 Zoo Lane 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 See Hear 14:30 Lifeline 14:40 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:10 Weakest Link 15:55 Helicopter Heroes 16:40 Flog It! 17:25 Perfection 18:10 Antiques Road Trip 18:55 Party Political Broadcast 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Britain's Heritage Heroes 20:00 Escape to the Country 20:30 Watson & Oliver 21:00 Bees, Butterflies and Blooms 22:00 Winterwatch 23:00 Roger & Val Have Just Got In 23:30 Weather

00:35 The Cube 01:30 The Zone 04:00 Crossing Jordan 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

BIG BODY SQUAD The number of morbidly obese people is growing, and it is predicted that by the end of this decade more than a third of the population will be obese.

This documentary introduces some of the people who look after those with excessive-weight problems, from ambulance teams and fire crews to equipment specialists, builders and care workers.

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 Desperate Housewives 01:10 Poker 02:10 Sailing 02:35 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:00 Best of British 03:55 Late Night Poker 04:50 GT Academy 05:15 Daytona 24: The Story of the Daytona Challenge 2012 05:45 That Paralympic Show 06:10 Road to 2012: Paralympics Extra 07:05 Sali Mali 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 09:55 Undercover Boss 10:55 Relocation, Relocation 12:00 A Place in the Sun 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Kirstie's Handmade Britain 14:00 Johnny Guitar 16:05 Channel 4 Presents 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Daddy Daycare 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 10 O'Clock Live 23:55 The Mad Bad Ad Show

00:00 CSI: Miami 01:00 CSI: NY 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Build a New Life in the Country 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 Victor: the Victor Davis Story 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Cowboy Builders 21:00 Big Body Squad 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

42

The Courier Thursday TV

February 23

00:15 National Lottery Update 00:55 When a Man Loves a Woman 02:55 Weatherview 03:00 See Hear 03:30 Upstairs Downstairs 04:30 An Island Parish 05:00 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 05:45 Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Doorstep Crime 999 12:30 Cowboy Trap 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 School for Stars 16:35 Wingin' It 16:55 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:15 OOglies 17:30 Leonardo 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 The Great British Countryside 22:00 Inside Men 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time

00:20 Storyville: Deadline - The New York Times 01:45 HARDtalk 02:00 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 07:00 Little Robots

07:10 Zigby 07:25 Garth and Bev 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Everything's Rosie 08:00 Deadly 60 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 LazyTown 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Guess with Jess 10:45 Harry and Toto's World of Opposites 10:50 Louie 10:55 Same Smile 11:10 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:15 64 Zoo Lane 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Animal Park 14:30 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Britain's Heritage Heroes 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Raymond Blanc: The Very Hungry Frenchman 22:00 This World 23:00 Mock the Week - Again 23:30 Newsnight 23:30 Weather

00:35 Kidnap and Ransom 01:30 The Zone: Jackpot247 01:30 ITV News Headlines 03:35 Brewster's Millions 05:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Kidnap and Ransom 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Jonathan Ross Show

STRICTLY BABY DISCO

A behind-the scenes look at the world of children's freestyle disco in Britain, following the stories of three nine-year-old girls as they train to take part in the nation's most important competition at Blackpool Tower ballroom. A discipline created at the end of the 1980s, it has quickly become one of the most popular forms of competitive dancing, with hundreds of youngsters battling it out to be crowned Britain's next Disco Kid

00:45 Random Acts 00:55 Ed Sheeran Live at Shepherd's Bush Empire 01:25 The Album Chart Show 01:45 Kasabian: The Album Chart 02:15 Professor Green Unseen 02:40 Curated by Lyle and Scott 02:55 Countdown to the NME Awards 2012 03:10 Live from Abbey Road 03:50 No, No, No 03:55 Rebound 05:20 Brief Encounters of the Sporting Mind: Golf 05:25 Brief Encounters of the Sporting Mind: Harness Racing 05:35 Brothers & Sisters 06:15 Countdown 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 09:55 Undercover Boss 10:55 Relocation, Relocation 12:00 A Place in the Sun 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Kirstie's Handmade Britain 14:05 Jesse James 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Location, Location, Location 22:00 Dispatches 23:00 Strictly Baby Disco

00:55 Poker: The Big Game 01:50 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:55 Milkshake! Monkey 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Build a New Life in the Country 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Miami 16:15 Concrete Canyons 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Holiday Heaven on Earth 20:30 Live UEFA Europa League Football 23:15 Death Race

43

Friday, February 17, 2012

INSURANCE

AWNINGS

ACCOMODATION Small, economic family run hotel, situated on the CV951, San Miguel de Salinas. Modern air-conditioned and ensuite rooms available, 35€ per room, per night. Call 966 842 070 for reservations.

ACCOUNTANTS Are you running a business?

Let us simplify things for you – accountancy, taxes, payroll services and more. We cater for companies and individuals. Established in 1984 on the Costa Blanca. Call us on 966 923 963 for your first consultation free of charge.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES EXCELLENT RECESSION PROOF BUSINESS WITH NO OVERHEADS AND ALL CASH. 5 COLD DRINK VENDING MACHINES €24,900. 25 PRINGLE MACHINES €14,900, ALL WITH GUARANTEED SITES. 619 307 318. (52) Huge Bar Restaurant with 6 room Hotel FOR RENT Very popular place only 36,000 euro for the whole year - NO MONTHLY RENT TO PAY! Call 651 885 200

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier.

Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am.

Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo.

All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer.

Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information contact Pilar ChristianCommunity Church@gmail.com or contact Reverend Eddie on 966 7693 00 or 650 509 606. Reg No:2009-SG/A

CARS FOR SALE Try Professional Business Support for your quick quote for car insurance.

Excellent prices for expats,

AIR CONDITIONING

APPLIANCE REPAIRS

all policies available in English or German. We will call you back with a price. 966 923 963 Going home good selection of RHD vehicles for sale or exchange Tel 600 726 221 - 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Ford KA 1.3 Collection, 2 owners, 53,000 kms, FSH, air con, cd, electric windows, rear head restraints, light metallic blue, stunning condition, 4250 euros Tel 600 726 221 - 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Ford Fiesta 1.3 Steel, 5 dr hatch, 2003, 2 owners, 71,000 kms, fully serviced, air con, CD, front fogs, electric windows, remote locking, met turquoise superb condition only 3950 euros Tel 600 726 221 - 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Nissan Primera 1.8 5 dr, 3 owners, 76,000 kms, FSH, air con, rear sunblind's, electric windows, isofix, central locking, white, nice condition 3250 euros Tel 600 726 221 - 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Peugeot 806, 5/8 seater mpv 1.9 STDI Diesel, fully serviced, air con, CD, tow bar, rear privacy glass, twin side sliding doors, 2800 euros Tel 600 726 221 - 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com

For all your insurance needs, ie.home, car, health, funeral, travel, etc Excellent cover from Spain´s 5th biggest insurance company, “CASER”.

Policies available in English and German. Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from a real person/our friendly staff.

MEDICAL Make the most of private health care and private hospitals, we have great cover and a two tier pricing system to suit your age and pocket. All policies in English, many English speaking doctors or free translators at your service.

Call us now on 966 923 963, and we will call you back with your quote.

Caser Health Care .

PROPERTY MANAGEMENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR RENT

Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar.

Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars.

Short term only. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops. Short or long term rental available. €P.O.A Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 155, Luxurious Three Bedroom Villa With Private Pool, in Quesada Close to shops and restaurants within a five minute drive, and Guadamar Beach is within a ten minute drive.

Long term or Short term available. €795PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with

views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. €300PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 708, A lovely two bedroom, one bathroom corner ground floor apartment in Algorfa, with a spacious patio & Residents off road parking. Communal pool near by. Short or long term rental available. €400PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 117, A Lovely 3 Bedroomed 1st floor apartment on the outskirts of Torrevieja (Mar Azul). The Apartment is in walking distance of the excellent beaches and a good selection of restaurants, shops and bars. €425PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, Well situated studio apartment in San Luis.

The property has a balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Close to all shops and amenities, on a local bus route & 10 minutes from the beach. €250PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

MOBILE GARAGE SERVICES

Ref. 91, This lovely one bedroom apartment is on the fifth (top) floor of block one of the Miramar development - but don't worry about climbing the stairs, as there is a lift! A parking space is included in the key operated underground garage. €450PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

HEARING AIDS COMPUTERS

BLINDS / AWNINGS

CCTV

CARPENTER

CAR HIRE

AUCTION

CAR MECHANIC

44

Friday, February 17, 2012

Ref. 702, A lovely 2 bedroom apartment in a quiet area of Torrevieja yet within walking distance to local beaches and amenities.

It’s also less than an hour’s drive from both Alicante and Murcia San Javier Airports. €400PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. 135, An outstanding two bedroom villa with one double and one twin room on the VillaMartin golf complex. There is a very pleasant terrace off the main bedroom and from the sun terrace on the roof the views are excellent. €400PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. 04, A 2 bedroom apartment one street back from the famous Cabo Roig strip. There is a selection of local shops,

restaurants and bars on the doorstep with the shopping strip only 400 metres away. €450PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. 92, A lovely three bedroom apartment on the ground floor of block one of the Miramar developments. A small balcony runs the width of the lounge area above the small private garden area at the front of the property. €450PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. 104, Lovely 2 Bedroom Apartment in Torrevieja, within walking distance to the Friday Market, Town Centre and the beach. Close to the Habaneres Shopping Centre and Aquapark. €350PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

CREATIVE CONCRETE

Ref. 151, Beautiful Family 3 Bedroom Villa. Well equipped American kitchen, double bedroom and bathroom. A further 2 bedrooms, bathroom, large terrace with sun loungers, table and chairs, bbq, and beautiful sea view. Short or long term rental available. €P.O.A.Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR SALE Detached villa with large oasis pool. Situated on first Urb. In Gran Alacant.

500m2 plot, electric gates, alarmed 3 beds, 3 baths, fully furnished. Recently reduced for a quick sale Now only 260.000 euros Call 680 333 242 quoting ref 33 Altomar II in Gran Alacant Investment opportunity…

82.000 euros. 2 bed, 1 bath, lounge diner, ind.

Kitchen, Glazed in Galleria, S/Facing, extra storage Fully furnished, Private parking, Com pools Ring 627 711 155 to view.

Duplex in Monte y Mar, GA 2 Bed, 1 Bath, ground floor with views Fully furnished, A/Con, Heating, Ceiling Fans, English TV, garden, Communal pool, for apt please call 966 699 136 to view only 115.000 ono REDUCED Ground floor Duplex in Puerto Marino, Gran Alacant. Now only 99,500 euros. 2 bed, 1 bath, fully furnished Central heating, glazed galleria, grills, Mozzie nets, front garden, com pools, Private gated parking, walking distance to Shops bars restaurants etc. 627 711 155

Calling all serious Buyers.

I have a 5 bed, 4 bath, 2 kitchens, 2 lounges, detached Villa with self-filling pool in Gran Alacant.

Everything included in price, fantastic Alicante/sea views. As a starting price I am looking in the region of 265.000 euros Interested in making me an offer call me on 680 333 242 Mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant 2 Bed, 3 Bath, being sold fully furnished.

Electrical Appliances included, large front and rear garden, choice of communal pools, Private secure parking and walking distance to GA Center. 140.000 euros ono. Call 627 711 155 for viewing.

Lovely well maintained terraced property situated in Mediterranea III in Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2

EXPAT SERVICES

FURNITURE

DAMP PROOFING

HEATING

FAST BROADBAND

ELECTRICIAN

LOCKSMITH

NEWS AGENTS

Bathrooms, everything included in price. Large communal pool, tennis courts, established gardens Walking distance to shops, bars restaurants.

Very quiet location, over looks nature reserve.

Private parking, call 680 333 242 for more details.

133.000 euros Beach Front property opposite Carabassi Beach 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, roof top solarium under ground secure parking, walking distance to beach Situated on local tram and bus route. Being sold fully furnished. 4 communal pools, tennis courts, bar and restaurant with in urbanisation Please ring 966 699 136 after 6pm (english & spanish spoken) Now only 125.000 euros excellent value in Gran Alacant.

DANCE CLASSES

FISHING

HOUSE CLEARANCES

GARDENING

PLUMBERS

DOMESTIC SHUTTERS

PETS

SECURITY

SEWING

45

Friday, February 17, 2012 Quick sale needed.

199.000 euros ono Detached property in Puerto Marina. 3 Bed, 3 Bath, Immaculately furnished Alarmed, Central heating, Log fire, Hot & Cold air con, open fields to the rear, Private parking, Communal pools.

966.699.478 after 5 pm.

Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant 209,000 euros 3 Double bedrooms with fitted wardrobes 2 bathrooms, spacious kitchen with galleria Lounge complete with chimney, large under build, top quality furniture and appliances inc. Com pools, underground garage, tennis courts To view call 627 711 155 Semi-detached villa in Gran Alacant 3 bed, 3 bath, lounge diner, independent kitchen, glazed in porch, large solarium with stunning views, Private Parking. A/Con Central heating, UK TV. Only 229.000 euros By appointment only call 966 699 136 Large detached villa, large pool with electronic solar cover, converted under build, roof top solarium with conservatory, panoramic views 545 m2 plot, part furnished, double glazed, A/con, alarmed, gas fire, est. irrigated gardens Call 680 333 242 for best price Ref 30

MASSAGE

Close to Supavalue in Gran Alacant. Detached villa with pool on 640m2 plot. 3 bed, 2 bath, lounge diner, large roof top solarium, Porch, Outside WC, 2 built-in BBQ’s, Log Fire, Under build, Alarmed, Mature Gardens, Toldos blinds, Garage, Electronic Gates. 260.000 euros 627 711 155 English & Spanish spoken.

Walking distance to all local amenities in GA Detached Villa with large pool. Decoratively tiled Garden, complete with BBQ. Est. palm & fruit trees. 3 bed, 3 bath, Fully Furnished including all electrical appliances.

Quick sale needed, 270.000 euros, but very negotiable. For appointment to view call 966 699 478 after 5pm Top floor duplex in Puerto Marina, G/Alacant 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge-diner, glazed-in porch, large roof-top solarium with views, Top quality furniture and appliances included. Secure private parking, communal pools, 108,000 euros. If you would like to view call 627 711 155 for an immediate appointment.

LIMITED EDITION One of only a few bungalows in Gran Alacant. Top of the range furniture and appliances included. 3 bed, 2 bath, lounge diner, large kitchen, leading to galleria,

huge roof top solarium with fantastic views of Alicante and mountains. Electronic gates leading to garage, 500m2 plot, 10x5 pool with irrigated gardens By appointment only, ring 680333242 325.000 ono Large family Home in Izla de Izaro, G.A (bajo) 4 bed, 3 bath, stunning communal pool with Jacuzzi & water features. Children’s play area and fantastic communal gardens. Very high standard throughout, Large converted under build & garage, elec.

Gates Alarmed, A/con, outside kitchen and bathroom, 399.000 ono. To view call 966699136 after 5pm.

Monte Y Mar - Gran Alacant Detached Villa with 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, lounge-diner, front porch, Large solarium with views. 400m2 plot Low maintenance irrigated gardens, Private pool & Parking. Tastefully furnished throughout and everything included.

Recently Reduced to 239.000 euros. For more details call 627.711.155 Gran Alacant, corner semi detached 3 bedroomed, 2 bathrooms, large garden, enclosed terrace, fully furnished, private drive for 2 cars, on gated desirable urbanisation Monte Faro, many facilities priced for quick sale 185,000 Tel 680 333 242

SIGN WRITING

Balsares, terraced 4 bedroomed house, 3 bathrooms, large underbuild, private underground parking direct to house, small gated urbanisation, directly over looking proposed new golf course opposite Gran Alacant, priced for quick sale at original off plan price 195.000 Tel 680 333 242 Gran Alacant, front line, 2 bed, 1 bath, downstairs toilet, fully furnished, roof terrace, walking distance to beaches, large communal and resturants, beach front property priced for quick sale 125,000 Tel 680 333 242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles. It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 30, €119,000. Two bedroom detached house with large front terrace.

This villa is in the Punta Marina area close to Playa Flamenca , Close to amenities. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is offroad parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool nearby.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. 526, €49,900. A lovely bright 1 bedroom apartment in the area of Torreblanca.There is a large communal pool and well maintained gardens, with tennis courts and childrens play area. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

SOLICITORS Need English Speaking Solicitors in Torrevieja?

Let us help to solve your problems with debt recovery, divorce, property, accident claims, legalise land.

Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor.

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are welcome to our service.

Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (61)

WANTED

PLASTERER

PAINTER

REMOVALS

PERSONAL

WATER FILTERS

SWIMMING POOL MAINTENANCE

Recovery & Breakdown Services

46

Friday, February 17, 2012

Greenside Gossip IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

PRICE IS RIGHT WITH NEW COSTA CUTTER

GOLF CLUB membership here on the Costas is usually payment of green fees one year in advance - and it can deplete your income by a four-figure sum.

Even then, there are conditions like a payment of a lesser green fee each time you play and sometimes limited to what tee times you can play.

Well, the other day I was at Font del Llop Golf Resort - and they have introduced a new membership scheme that should appeal to a lot of golfers who want to play a quality course. So I thought I should tell the golfing public about it.

Briefly, the membership is from Monday through to Thursday, but this does not preclude a member from playing on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday. This would, however, entail a green fee in the High Season of 20€ and 12.50€ in the Low Season.

A unique feature of this membership is it includes RFEG (Real Federacion Española de Golf) which in itself is worth 72.10€ ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP with a Green Fee (3€) 700€ ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP without a Green Fee 800€ If all this is not enough, there are discounts in the Clubhouse restaurant and special green fee packages for members’ invites, in addition to lower rates for Golf Buggy and Electric trolley Golf Company and opened hire. in 2010, it’s a par 72 and For any golfer who has not has a Scottish links feel visited or played at Font del about it with an American Llop, it is situated up high in the mountains around Aspe, appearance which integrates naturally into the slightly inland from Elche Designed by Blake Stirling surrounding landscape.

The wonderful views it and Marco Martin of Global

TAKE A TIP THERE is no more frustrating thing in golf than when we seem to have a good swing at the ball and it does not get off the ground. This week we continue our analysis of thinning or topping

TOPPING When the ball is truck above centre and fails to get airborne.

offers, (a stream flows between its five lakes) and the relief of its fairways make this a challenging course, inviting players to use all the clubs in their bag and to really think.

This creates an enjoy-

able playing experience, with the rolling fairways, water hazards, bunkers and challenging greens making it a course to remember.

The 19th is a stylish, full of character and cosy clubhouse which welcomes you before and after your round.

The address and contact details are FONT del LLOP GOLF RESORT or type it into your SATNAV Ctra. Alicante-Aspe, CV847, km. 3.5 03679 ALICANTE Tel: 96 612 67 67 Tel: 96 612 67 65 Email: info@fdlgolf.es and caddymaster@fdlgolf.es Web: www.fdlgolf.es

Club 25 stretch lead to 15

VEGA BAJA PREMIER GOLF LEAGUE FONT DEL LLOP GOLF – February 10 CHAMPIONS DIVISION (Sponsored by Coys Rent-A-Car) IT WAS back to Font del Llop for the Champions Division this time and again a warm welcome was provided, but because of the overnight frost and early morning low temperatures, the Tee times were delayed. Thankfully, the sun did shine and warmed things up and the wind was not blowing.

RESULTS: Lo Marabu GS 3.5 (40 holes) vs La Manga RGA 0.5 (32 holes); Mar Menor GS 1.5 (35 holes) vs Claptons GS 2.5 (37 holes); St James’s GS 1 (35.5 holes) vs Club 25 Golf 3 (36.5 holes)

Lo Marabu gained their first bonus points of the season.

Other Bonus points went to Claptons GS and Club 25 Golf GS. League leaders Club 25 Golf extended their lead to 15 points and face second place TOFFS. Next month it’s back to the Costa Calida and Mar Menor Golf Village, venue of the 2011 PGA EuroPro Tour Champion Final. The matches that were not played at Hacienda Riquelme in January will now be played at Las Ramblas on Friday March 30.

You will also be able to see updated Vega Baja Premier Golf League fixtures, tables, and news on the website www.vegabajapremiergolfleague.com and on Facebook, throughout the season For more information on the Vega Baja Premier Golf League, contact the Secretary, Ivie Davies, on 669 211 410 or golfdavies@gmail.com

POSTURE – BALL POSITION FAULT • The body too tense and legs too stiff at address.

• Standing too far from the ball at address.

• Weight too much on the left hand side.

• Ball positioned too far forward in the stance.

CURE • Flex your knees more at address and try to avoid tension in your hands and arms.

• Keep your weight evenly distributed at address.

• Before you start your swing, think balance and rhythm.

• Select a club which will carry the ball the distance you require, without having to force the shot.

• Set up the ball just inside the left heel.

TITTER ON THE TEE TWO senior lady golfers, talking over their gin and tonics in the Clubhouse.

“Did you hear old Sid had a massive stroke?” said one.

“Oh yes,” said the other. “Everyone knew, that’s why he was so popular with the ladies”.

TWO senior men golfers reminiscing about old times over their gin and tonics.

“Do you know, Sid, when I was just a lad I never had sex with my wife before we got married. Did you?”

“Can’t remember,” said Sid, “What was her maiden name?”

47

Friday, February 17, 2012

MAN POWER!

SHAKE on it! Patricia Evra would agree while Luis Suarez might not, but it's a done deal - the Premier League title is coming to Manchester again in May. After the little kerfuffle over Suarez's refusal to shake Evra warmly by the throat at Old Trafford last Saturday lunchtime, United went top briefly only for City to restore their two-point advantage just over 24 hours later.

A bit of a lull now because of that other politically correct outfit taking centre stage....step out England, with or without John Terry. There is, of course, the FA Cup this weekend, which United and City are not involved in.

England's game against Holland on February 29 should be a good one - while this weekend's FA Cup clash between Sunderland and Arsenal promises to be a cracker. It is also another

chance for Martin O'Neill to show his credentials again by masterminding another Sunderland win.

Everton v Blackpool will get the old stagers going, led by Jimmy Armfield, as old Evertonians remember the days of Harvey, Kendall and Ball and Seaside veterans reminisce about old Stan, both Matthews and Mortensen, back in that epic final against Bolton in 1953.

Chelsea versus Birmingham City gives another team outside the top tier the opportunity to cause an upset by knocking out a Premier League giant, although many will cry that the Blues are not long out of the Premier and have had their share of cup glory recently, too.

Liverpool take on Brighton and I can

United v City – it’s a two-horse title race

smell another upset if the best striker I have seen in the lower leagues, Craig Mackail-Smith, is on song for The Seagulls.

Meanwhile, Rooney, Evra and Carlos Tevez, yes he is back at City, will have to sit it Grate out this weekend while Evra shakes: will be suitably employed Suarez offering the hand of friendsnubs ship to anyEvra one who will s h a k e hands with him. Maybe he could take Carlos along with him!

While my prediction that the Suarez-Evra affair would fizzle out last Saturday was, shall we say, a little premature - I did at least come pretty close to predicting the result!

Well, Rooney got two goals, not a hat-trick, but Suarez, who I tipped for at least an assist, scored Liverpool's goal.

United battered Liverpool for long spells

with Harry Redknapp saying Paul Scholes should be playing for England in the Euros this summer. If all goes to plan, it will be Harry doing the persuading if Scholes is to be tempted to rethink his early retirement a while back. Then again, Scholesy is proving rather good at returns from retirement, isn't he?

I'll be keeping a keen eye on everything including those lower leagues to see if another prolific hitman, Huddersfield's Jordan Rhodes can hit the net again and again and again. Preston and my local club, Chorley FC, will also come under the Bott microscope. What I see and say is not so much a dot on the landscape... more of a Blott!

Rare bonus day for WHIZ-KID OMAR Orihuela avengers AT THE DOUBLE ITV ORIHUELA 29PTS

ITV Orihuela RFC seniors were out to avenge an early-season defeat at Lorca, and also extend their winning run.

The hosts started off on the front foot and after five minutes went over under the posts, only for the referee to give a 22 drop out.

Even the Lorca players thought it was a try and went under the posts for the conversion.

A short time later Orihuela had a penalty and although the flags went up, another 22 dropout was awarded.

Shortly after, Alvaro landed a penalty that WAS awarded. This kick-started the scoring for Orihuela with Adrian scoring his first try of the season after some excellent ball skills by the backs. Alvaro added the extras.

With half time approaching Lorca missed a penalty attempt, bringing up half time with Orihuela 10-0 ahead.

The second half started off with end to end action, with Orihuela’s lineout working really well and dominating the scrum. And when Lorca started to put a lot of pressure on the Orihuela line, the home defence stood firm.

With one of the breakouts from defence Alvaro raced away and on the Lorca 22 chipped over the fullback for Victor, one of the juveniles stepping up, to race through for his first senior try.

LORCA 0

With Alvaro completely taken out by the Lorca defence, Adrian added the extras in the best possible way by scoring a third try after some excellent footwork.

Orihuela started to press for the all important fourth try and after some excellent combination work by the forwards and backs, Victor the bonus point try - his second off the game.

This was ITV Orihuela RFC’s third win on the bounce, their first clean sheet of the season and 14 points out of a possible 15. This was an excellent win against a good team, and every player should be proud of how they played and kept their discipline.

Tomorrow (Saturday), Orihuela, are away to league leaders Cartagena who will be a completely different nut to crack. Then on 24-26 February the club will have their usual stand at the “This is Spain exhibition”.

There’s a great atmosphere at the new rugby union supporters bar and club, the Steak House in Rojales, with live matches screened and numbers increasing week on week.

This weekend it’s RaboDirect league and Aviva Premiership games. You can your rugby branded clothing there as well.

SPORTING ORIHUELA 0 CD MONTESINOS 2

MONTE went into the game with six first team regulars missing through injury and suspension - with four youth players in their squad and two 17-year olds (Wallace and Omar) in the starting line up.

Monte always had the upper hand, and although manager Juanpe had reservations about this fixture, his players responded magnificently with a workmanlike display.

There was nothing workmanlike about the goals, both scored by youth player Omar. The first, after 39 minutes, was smashed past the colourfully clothed Orihuela keeper after his defence had failed to clear.

This took Monte into half time with a lead that their efforts deserved.

When top scorer Edu had to come off injured just after the restart, Chulo was brought on. And it was his cross that found Omar running in at the far post to make it 2-0 in the 75th minute.

Most of the missing players will be available for the away game at Thader (Rojales). Date and time to be confirmed. Check out www.cdmontesinos.com for up-to-date info or email thefullmonte2011 @hotmail. com or call 637 869 602

48

Friday, February 17, 2012

MAC THE KNIFED

McCarthy axe leaves Curbishley poised to dance with Wolves AS England awaits the imminent arrival of Harry Redknapp into the manager's chair, the merry-goround of managerial sackings at club level is under way again.

Following Simon Grayson's sacking at Leeds, Wolves and Huddersfield have parted company with Mick McCarthy and Lee Clark respectively. A few weeks ago Preston got rid of Phil Brown following the arrival of that wellknown spendthrift Peter Ridsdale.

A relative unknown took over at Deepdale in the shape of Graham Westley from Stevenage - but the big guns are lining up to stake their claim for the Wolves job with Alan Curbishley leading the way and Steve Bruce, Neil Warnock and Paul Ince

STEVE BOTT reports

in close attendance.

Bruce would be my man but Wolves owner and Chairman Steve Morgan has recently spoken very highly about Curbishley, the former West Ham and Charlton manager, so he is top of the list.

I like McCarthy, if only for that thick, rich Barnsley accent tha nos! Roy Keane speaks very highly of him too - and there's another ex-manager who could have been in the frame as well - but Keano seems happy punditing about on the telly at the moment.

Roberto Mancini is treading a very thin line at the Etihad - but then again any boss would be, given the circumstances. It's a good job City are top of the league otherwise those mega-rich Arabs would have booted him right over the Pyramids let alone down Grey Mare Lane after all the recent Tevez and Balotellirelated shenanigans at City. It's gone awfully quiet on the Balotelli front, hasn't it? Do you think they have

finally managed to get a straitjacket on the lad, then?

After Arsenal's showing in Milan on Wednesday night, surely Arsene Wenger will be out on his you know what very, very soon. True, they were simply outclassed by a fine Milan team but people expect more of the Gunners and Wenger ain't delivering and hasn't for some time.

Some say he should have been put out to grass long ago. He will be soon.

Like Sir Alex Ferguson, Barcelona manager Pep Guardiola is as safe as houses as his team march on in the Champions League with a decisive first leg win in the first round of the knockout stages.

My pre-season bet, at odds of 8-1, are in action next week. That's Bayern Munich. No, no, no don't rip that betting slip up just yet - they are only playing a bunch of watchmakers in this round!