The Courier Week 55 by TKO UK

Edition 55

www.thecourier.es

Friday, March 9, 2012

Our latest issue is always online at www.thecourier.es

BLACK MONDAY

I was targeted by terror gang, warns defiant daylight robbery victim

Spain, you are tops 10 million times over

THE astonishing campaign to send sick schoolgirl Aitana Garcia Doiz to the US for lifesaving treatment has now raised close on 200,000 euros. And the organisers reckon that more than TEN MILLION individuals across Spain are participating – including thousands of British expats. The figures come from a survey by the SEUR transport company, which regularly collects tapons from over 800 school and delivers them to the Acieco plastics firm at Ibi for recycling . It was hoped the fund would hit 200,000 euro mark in April, to fund this year’s trip to Boston for what will be Aitana’s second operation. Once that has been done, the bottle-top collection and other fundraising will continue, with the next goal €400,000 to fund the next operation, in America. As of February 29, more than 460 tonnes of tops had been recycled at the Ibi plant at 300 euros per tonne - for a total of €138.400 euro. The rest of the money raised has been via direct donations and fund-raising events.

By ROSIE STINSON A PROMINENT local businesswoman is still coming to terms with the trauma of having her home ransacked by a gang of at least seven hooded, masked thugs - in broad daylight.

The intruders - all dressed in copycat black with their faces covered - struck at around 10.15 on Monday morning, gaining entrance to the house, on the outskirts of Torrevieja, through the patio doors. The businesswoman, who was at work, told The Courier: “I suspect they may have targeted me because they thought I handle a lot of cash in my business. But I don’t. A lot of people by credit card and I pay my staff by bank transfer.’’ As it was. the only person at home was her teenage son, who is recovering from a broken ankle. “Tell us what we want to know and we won’t hurt you,’’ they ordered the youngster, who recognised an array of accents ranging from Spanish and Moroccan to Eastern European. He later told his mother: “The ringleader spoke very good English with what sounded like an African accent.’’ After switching off the electricity and throwing the house telephone into the swimming pool, the intruders - some of them carrying rucksacks - helped themselves to jewellery, crystal, a camera and an array of electronic equipment ranging from an X Box, Playstation, PSP and DS to an MP3 player, ipod and iphone. As if that was not enough, they stole The Courier is so much in demand these days that our staff can’t go THREE laptops plus a watch that had out for a quiet drink without being mobbed by celebrities! This time it’s belonged to the woman’s father and TOWIE star Mark Wright, who found Courier girls Rosie Stinson (left) held great sentimental value.They also and Joanne Roberts irresistibly fascinating at the Bushwacka in Cabo got away with a small amount of cash. “The Guardia were fantastic,’’ said the Roig on Monday. The runner-up in the last I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out still-traumatised victim. “There were 12 of Here contest obviously gives a XXXX for an Aussie-type atmosofficers at the house within about ten phere during his regular visits to see his cousins in Villamartin. (OK, minutes - they thought the robbery was we admit it - the girls asked him to be in the pic. Thanks, Mark) still in progress.’’

Friday, March 9, 2012

It’s Puke Skywalker...he’s got no head for heights TELEPHONE

96 692 1003 679 096 309 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Donna Gee Amanda Black Sally Bengtsson Rebecca Marks Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Steve Bott Tony Mayes Jake Monroe

Affiliations

Publication Published by Rainbow Media, S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 132 - 2011 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features. Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non-appearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

Picture of the Week

96 692 1003

Moroccan held for Carmen murder POLICE have detained the suspected killer of a 61year-old woman beaten to death just metres from her home in a quiet Orihuela suburb last week. Tahar R, a 31-year-old Moroccan, was arrested nine days after the brutal killing of Carmen Gea Marcos on February 27. Following intense investigations, Tahar was apprehended by police in a small town in Almeria. Carmen Marcos died in hospital of horrific injuries following the attack. She was assaulted along with a friend while the pair took their daily stroll close to their homes in the sleepy Orihuela hamlet of El Arenal. Her friend also sustained serious injuries, including a gash to the head that required 17 stitches. The apparently motiveless attack – seven euros was taken from the women but gold jewellery untouched – has shaken the tight-knit community.

HOUSE OF THE FALLING SUN! Property price clock rewinds 20 years SPANISH bank, Banesto has put nearly 5,000 homes up for sale at 20-year-old prices. The homes are up for grabs through the bank’s real estate web portal Casaktua.com At around 638 euros per square metre the properties have price tags last seen in 1992, By AMANDA BLACK according to the bank. Most of the homes have square metre values hit three bedrooms and are 2,101 euros. being sold with discounts of Of the 4,600 homes makup to 80 per cent, with an ing up the promotion, 1,558 average price of just 56,700 have discounts of up to 50 euros. The homes are situat- per cent, while 1,887 have ed across Spain. prices slashed between 50 Banesto says the average and 70 per cent. price is less than a third of The remaining 1,155 propthe prices when the market erties are offered with maswas at a high in the first third sive reductions of more than of 2008. Then, average 70 per cent. Properties

include a home for 33,000 euros in Jerez de la Frontera (Cádiz), an apartment in Alicante for 27,600 euros, and a home in Leganés in

All aboard for a model day out AN exhibition of 254 naval models opens tomorrow (Saturday) in the Parque de las Naciones, Torrevieja. The show is organised by the Museum of Sea and Salt and the Torrevieja Association of Naval Models and is open from 10am to 2pm and 5pm to 8pm, Wednesdays to Sundays until April 15. Friday Sunny High 16° Low 5° Chance of rain 3%

Monday Sunny High 19° Low 8° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Showers High 17° Low 8° Chance of rain 2%

the municipal area of Madrid for 101,000 euros. Banesto is also offering funding of 100 per cent and 40 year mortgages.

A LUCKY lottery ticket holder in Alicante no longer needs to worry about the economic crisis - after winning a ‘salary’ of 6,000 euros a month for 25 years in last Saturday’s ONCE draw. Seven other Alicante residents each pocketed 25,000 euros. Saturday Sunny High 17° Low 5° Chance of rain 4% Wednesday Sunny High 17° Low 7° Chance of rain 5%

Sunday Sunny High 18° Lo 6° Chance of rain 6% Thursday Sunny High 14° Lo 6° Chance of rain 2%

Friday, March 9, 2012

Champ Jorge is one L of a rider! Jorge Lorenzo is used to pulling speeds of 200mph on the racetrack but the Spanish MotoGP champion has only just passed his motorcycling test to ride on public roads. Until last Tuesday, the star who was world MotoGP champion in 2010 and 250cc champion in 2006 and 2007 could not ride anything more powerful than a 125cc bike on the roads – the same as anyone with an ordinary car

Ryanair row: 30,000 jobs in jeopardy at Alicante COSTA BLANCA hoteliers have waded into the row between Alicante Airport and Ryanair because they say it is threatening some 30,000 tourism jobs. Meeting with Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary this week hotel industry representatives called on airport authority AENA to back down over charges to airlines for using passenger airbridges. Javier Garcia, vice president of the hotel industry’s Hosec group, said: “We cannot afford, now more than ever, to have to rely on a costly and inconvenient airport for low cost carriers, which are our main suppliers of tourists.” The hoteliers said that much of the fall in employment this winter was due to the reduction in Ryanair flights, pulled from Alicante because of the row. They warn that if the situation does not change, up to 30,000 temporary and permanent jobs will go next summer due to a loss of 1.5 million passengers. The good news for air travellers this week is that Easyjet will use the new terminal at Southend for flights to Alicante, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Belfast, Faro, Ibiza, Jersey, Malaga and Mallorca. The new routes will take off on April 2.

licence. But Lorenzo, 24, has now passed his A2 bike licence and can ride bigger bikes off the track for the first time – although he still has to observe a power limit of 47CV (known in the biking fraternity as ‘girly bikes’) until he gets used to riding! After the test Lorenzo claimed he wasn’t nervous, before admitting to 20 minutos: “Well, just a tad because I

am not used to exams”. Lorenzo decided to take the bike test so he could move more easily around his home town of Barcelona. But he insisted he would save the speed for the track. “I will drive leisurely, to enjoy the travel. I don’t want to run risks, I will try to go very slow and always respect the rules,” said one of the fastest men in Europe.

HOST MAN PAT

Saints alive, Cabo Roig goes it alone for Ireland CABO ROIG is hosting what is thought to be the only official St Patrick’s Day parade in Spain this year. Organised by Cabo Roig Traders Association, with support from Orihuela Costa town hall, the parade even has Irish national TV interest with RTE in talks to feature it within its St Patrick’s Day special. The Irish saint’s day, on March 17, is celebrated by Irish ex-pats across Spain. In Madrid the Cibeles fountain is lit up in green, while major events are held in towns and cities from Barcelona to Málaga. Irish airline Ryanair is putting on six extra flights so people can join the fun. Independent Monaghan councillor, Paudge Connolly will be flying in especially to be the parade’s Grand Marshall. He is just one of a number of Irish dignitaries attending. More than 300 people will be taking part and a crowd of six thousand plus is expected. Festivities start at 2.30pm as the floats take their places accompanied by a display of Harley Davidson bikes and vintage, classic, custom and American cars. St Patrick himself will lead the parade, followed by the Torrevieja Pipes and Drums and other

The St Pats team: From left, Brian Kiernan, Jim O'Shea, Pedro Mancebo and Brendan Gormanly bands. Local businesses, former members of the Irish Army, a pageant of beauty queens, a horse-drawn carriage and local residents will join the procession. The parade will run along the back road, paral-

lel to the strip, to the roundabout at the Farmacia before returning along the strip beside the N332. TKO’s outside broadcast unit will keep the party going with music, interviews and commentary. The parade will be finished in plenty of time for everyone to find a place in front of a TV screen to watch the action from Twickenham, where England are playing Ireland in the Six Nations Rugby classic. Whoever wins, the Irish – and honorary Irish – will party late into the night, with many local bars having late licences. Orihuela town hall has organised a spectacular fireworks display to make sure the celebrations go with a bang. The town hall is even throwing a St Patrick’s Eve party, with a stage on the main street and bands performing from 7pm until the early hours of March 17. For more information about the Cabo Roig St Patrick’s Day parade contact Brian on 667314676 or Brendan on 663295066. As the saying goes, “There are only two kinds of people in the world; the Irish and those who wish they were!” But no matter what your nationality, everyone is Irish on St Patrick’s Day. Just wear something green and enjoy the ‘craic’ at Cabo Roig.

SNAIL AND FAREWELL Shell of a project: Lodos Spa

THE Lodos Spa on the salt lakes of Torrevieja was destroyed by fire on Monday afternoon, signalling an end to years of controversy surrounding the landmark building. Designed by renowned Japanese architect Toyo Ito, Torrevieja town hall spent 1.5 million euros on the wooden snail-like structure, which was never finished. Work on the project was stopped six years ago when environmentalists argued it encroached on the protected land of the salt

Brit angler electrocuted A BRITISH man died on Wednesday morning after being electrocuted while fishing from the shore of a lake near Villajoyosa. The unnamed 44-year-old is believed to have died almost instantly after snagging a power cable with his fishing line. The victim was found floating in the lake, Embalse de Amadorio, by a female passer-by. Emergency services were called but could do nothing to revive the man.

Choir date is just the ticket DENISE WESSERLING in the International Residents’ office is organising an evening to the Teatro Circo in Orihuela on Saturday March 17, where the choir Vivace is presenting "Carmina Burana". Tickets cost €5, which will be donated to the Manos Unidas charity campaign against hunger. Transport from Playa Flamenca to Orihuela and back is also €5. Denise will also arrange for residents to be collected and returned to Entrenaranjos. To reserve entrance and bus tickets, contact Denise on 966 760 000, extn 34 or via e-mail: dwesserling@orihuela.es. Entrance tickets for the theatre must be paid for beforehand.

lakes. The fire has destroyed all chance of work being resumed. In recent years the building had fallen into disrepair and become a refuge for homeless people and a hangout for youngsters. Police believe the fire was an act of vandalism. A sophisticated video system designed to alert local police and the Guardia to problems at the structure broke down some months ago. AMANDA BLACK

Friday, March 9, 2012

IDIOTS OF THE WORLD UNITE! YOU are always going to get some people prepared to inflict the greatest damage to an employer or the country for a cause. But it was a sad day when Len McCluskey, the left wing leader of Unite, Britain's biggest and arguably the most influential trade union, suggested that workers should consider inflicting serious disruption during the Olympic Games in London. The union is attacking the Government's pension plans and Health Service reforms. Thank goodness that, for once, all major political parties united to condemn McCluskey's crazy idea - that people should seize this, of all opportunities, to further their aims. The Games are costing Britain an absolute fortune to stage and, obviously at a time when people are struggling financially, some may feel the money could be better spent elsewhere. But the commitment has been made, and the hope is that it will not only be a huge magnet to bring hundreds of thousands of additional visitors to the UK, but will be a big boost to the country at a difficult time. The very last thing the UK needs is someone like McCluskey and his leftist cronies putting a spanner in the works. If trade unionists with extreme views were to succeed in sabotaging the Games, it would send out a dreadful message to the rest of the world, and inflict huge financial damage on the country. And how self-defeating is that? Two last points on this issue - all members of Unite and other unions should think long and hard who they vote into office to act on their behalf. Labour should also be questioning whether it is prudent for them to continue to be on Unite's payroll - the union is one of the biggest providers of funds for the Labour Party.

A SEWER NOTE… And now on to stupidity on a grander scale. You've known for years how generous politicians can be with other people's money. But would you, if you were an MP, vote to give £570 million to upgrade the sewage system...in Turkey? In Britain the sewage system has had to be upgraded at huge cost - paid for by householders through water bills. In Spain much more needs to be done to upgrade its sewage system - how often when you're out for a walk do you come across a horrible pong? The crackpots in Brussels have channelled the huge sums of dosh to Turkey so that if it ever does achieve EU membership, at least its sewage system will be up to scratch.

FOLLY ROGER Still on the subject of craziness, how about this... A seven-year-old boy loves playing pirates, so his parents bought him a Jolly Roger flag to fly in his garden, raised on the top of a fishing rod. Young Anthony Steele, who suffers from Asperger's and lives in Tattershall, Lincolnshire, thought it great, bringing a touch of realism to his games. But a killjoy neighbour wasn't so pleased and an even more killjoy local council were even worse. The planners brought the full weight of planning laws to shoot a broadside against the skull and crossbones, claiming amazingly, that it was an "illegal advert" - although what it is advertising I can't imagine. The only advertisement that I can see is that the local planners are advertising their stupidity and over-zealousness. May I suggest that if they have so much time on their hands to waste on such trivialities, then they are overstaffed? Memo to David Cameron...here's a local council ripe for some drastic staff pruning. Just for the record, UK planning law states you can only fly national, county, EU, UN or Saints' flags without having to apply for planning permission. But using this to stop a child playing pirates with a bit of realism in his garden? Come off it!

Britain's contribution to this outstanding generosity is estimated at £80 million. British MPs on the international development committee were furious about the spending, pointing out that Turkey is not a poor country; the handout was totally inappropriate when the EU is in such dire financial trouble and aid should not be given for a political cause. My parting shot on this...I doubt that people are dying as a result of sewage problems in Turkey, but every year in other countries around the world millions are dying through contaminated water and inadequate or non-existent sewage systems. So perhaps this is where any spare money (if it exists) should be spent.

OUT FOR THE COUNT Question: A local store is offering a 25% discount on a mobile phone, originally costing £72. How much is it in the sale? Sadly, almost half the working population in Britain would not be able to answer that question or others of a similar nature, because 18 million people have only the maths skills of a primary school child aged nine to 11. These people would struggle to understand the deductions on their pay slips or grasp graphs or charts and, according to National Numeracy, a charity which has undertaken a survey is a major reason why such people struggle to find and keep jobs. They also struggle when it comes to working out household bills and living within their means. What an indictment this is - after the billions which has been poured into the UK education system. The fault has been put firmly on schools and politicians dubbing down maths lessons in favour of other subjects, and in adult life people who lack such skills struggle. Frankly, when you look at the lack of discipline in schools, which leads to children lacking concentration in classes, and exams becoming increasingly easy for political reasons, it is little wonder there are problems today. I doubt whether many of us seniors would have much difficulty answering the mobile question - but for those struggling, it is £54 (divide 72 by 100 and multiply by 75)

BOTTOMS UP And, finally, I've a bit of good news. We have had our holiday apartment on the market for some months now and last week we heard we have a buyer. And when we went to the estate agent to sign the paperwork we heard they were having their busiest time for years. It seems the news has got out in the UK that property prices in Spain are now at their lowest and are unlikely to get any lower. This might be the trigger we need to get the market moving; bring in more people to the Costa and be the boost that's needed to bring some smiles to the faces of local shopkeepers. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Len McCluskey: Crazy idea

Friday, March 9, 2012

A-RAYZING

HELPING THE HEROES: From left: Anne Brace, Claire Tyson, Ann Wilson and Ruth Reid. Photograph by Colin Whitfield.

Bingo! Charity night is a €900 trump card IT was eyes down for a packed house on Saturday as El Raso Rayz-ed the roof for Help the Heroes. The occasion was a bumper Bingo Night with a difference at Rayz Bar using playing cards rather than the traditional method of competing. And the idea came up trumps - with some 70 participants helping to raise a bumper €800 for the cause. A further €100 donated later took the grand total to €900. The event was organised by Sol Club fundraisers Ruth Reid, Ann Wilson and Anne Brace - with the help and support of Rayz licensee Claire Tyson, who was pre-

sented with an official certificate to record the charity’s appreciation of her efforts. The bingo was supplemented by a major raffle with a dazzling array of impressive prizes and delighted Ann Wilson told The Courier: ‘’I am so chuffed. I had been hoping we might raise 700 euros on the night - to get to 900 is absolutely fantastic.’’ Rayz boss Claire added: “I was so so pleased with the turnout and the money that was raised. I couldn’t believe it, to be totally honest. I think everyone knew I got a bit emotional about it. It was just so overwhelming!’’

This talented young group of entertainers thrilled audiences with a song and dance extravaganza to raise money for a major children’s charity Full story on Page 6

The Language of charity

FOR a second successive year, the Official School of Languages has organised a beneficial tea for four associations in the Mar Menor region, namely AIDEMAR, MABS Cancer Support Group, ADAPT and HELP. The event will take place on Thursday March 22

(4-8pm) at the San Javier Civic Centre in the Parque Almansa. All are welcome. The aim is to raise awareness of the commendable work and the help these organisations provide and to encourage people to volunteer. The event also presents an exceptional opportu-

nity for students to practise the English language. It will consist of a typical British tea, with pastries and cakes available with the traditional tea and coffee, plus a raffle with attractive prizes and entertainment. Each charity will have a stand to publicise its work.

Friday, March 9, 2012

A uniform appearance THANKS to the Torrevieja Lions Club, AFA Alzheimer’s Torrevieja staff will get brand new uniforms. Their old uniforms desperately needed replacing, but with so many demands on the charity’s limited funds, staff thought they would have to stick with their tatty, old attire. But the Lions Club, which also bought the first batch of uniforms for AFA, stepped in with a generous 505 euro donation. Matilde Sanchez, President of AFA Torrevieja said: “We appreciate the ongoing support we receive from the Lions Club of Torrevieja. Thanks to Iain Bennett, President of the Lions Club pro-

Iain and Janette Bennett, current and future Presidents of the Torrevieja Costa Lions, with Matilde Sanchez

posing our situation to his club committee, we now have money with which to purchase the uniforms.” AFA Alzheimer’s offers invaluable advice and support to all those affected by this difficult and sad disease, whether sufferers, families or carers. The charity has a day centre but also hopes to raise money for a much-needed residential care home through its ‘Buy a brick’ campaign. If you need help in relation to dementia or feel you can contribute to AFA, call into the AFA shop in Calle Maestro Francisco Valejos in Torrevieja, the AFA Centre in Avenida de La Estacion or call Matilde Sanchez on 647 119 991 or Judy Ferris on 610 082 593. Email: afatorrevieja@hotmail.com

CHEERS! KIDS OUT TO FILL THE BUTTERFLY NET

A TALENTED group of bighearted youngsters wowed audiences with a song and dance extravaganza last week to raise money for Butterfly Children’s charity DebRA.

There a-Peers to be something amiss ... THE Honourable Members of the House of Lords (above) are not too happy. These dumfounded Dukes, enraged Earls, vexed Viscounts, bamboozled Baronets and miffed Marquises have just been told by the Queen of the Fairies that she and her gang of assorted sprites will, in future, be responsible for forming and enacting the legislation of the Upper House. How outrageous that these pillars of the establishment will no longer have a say in the running of the country! (About time too, some may think.) To discover what the future holds for our noble Lords be sure to see Iolanthe presented by the Gilbert and Sullivan Society at the Casa De Cultura, Guardamar on March 28, 29 and 30. Curtain up at 8pm. Tickets cost €8 and are available from The Card Shop, Ciudad Quesada, Casa De Cultura, Guardamar or phone 966 198 396 or email dfarrer1@terra.es, and subject to availability, on the door at the theatre. Group discounts available.

Allo, Allo - what the Hoc is going on here?

A ROCKING good night is promised at Los Rosales Restaurant on the Lemon Tree Road on March 19 as four of the Costa’s finest musical talents take to the The show came about after the friends stage for the show Rock for heard of the plight of the Butterfly Adhoc. The sounds of Dire Straits, Children and were so moved they wantQueen, Thin Lizzy, Brian ed to help. Performances took place last week at Adams and Peter Frampton the Rusty Nail in Campoverde and the are sure to get the joint jumpCoopers Arms in Doña Pepa. But there is ing, while Nick Barker (picstill one more chance to see the group tured below) and Ronnie and support the Butterfly Children as a Taylor will delight the audithird show will be staged this ence with much-loved Elton Saturday at Cheers Bar, John songs. Eagles Nest, Villamartin. Nick will also join forces Taking to the stage again with fellow guitarist Alan will be Tom and Kara Lumley, Warden to rock the house Rebecca Holt, Elise Macgregor, James McAllisterDew, Ellie Clarkson and ar Menor M a ci ur M P HEL show ty Jordan Dunn. rie va a g is stagin Show organisers Chris and Dolores in ro at Te at on o Mark Lumley turned to their ec ch Pa Dolores talented kids for help when . 24 ch ar M clude the they decided to raise funds for Acts will in razy Ladies, DebRA, and the kids jumped always fun C All Spanish at the chance to do their bit. r fo co Flamen DebRA is the national irected by Dancers (D Red charity working on behalf of d an ) ña Pe Raquel people with the rare genetic with Status Quo classics. Strokes. 7pm. skin blistering condition ts ar st And, if that’s not enough to Show available. Epidermolysis Bullosa (EB), get you out on a Monday ts en m sh re ef R €5 and which causes the skin and evening, Andy Jones, who is Tickets cost Joan internal body linings to blis- hosting the show, will be om fr can be bought 185 685 ter at the slightest touch. 8 86 on punching out toe-tapping ll Mitche More information about tunes and blasting his big 67, Janice 54 13 8 67 or 134 355 or DebRA and its work can be crowd pleaser – Nessun Clarke on 968 8 570 059. found on the charity’s web- Dorma. 96 the office on site at www.debra.org.uk All the musicians are giving their time free to help Adhoc Theatre group raise money for future shows. And as REGGAE fans are in for a cool time this Saturday as laid- Adhoc raises loads of money back sounds from Rasta King, Bob Marley chill things for charity as well as always providing a fun night out, that out down at Bar Imanyo. Cris Jonson will play reggae music and a Bob Marley can only be a good thing. Rumour has it that a few of tribute at the bar in Daya Nueva from 9pm. The sounds will only be interrupted by bar owner Adhoc’s cast may just turn up Antonio presenting a cheque for €750 to Paul in character from their hit show Allo, Allo to lighten the Cunningham Nurses. The bar is a big supporter of PCN and recently took evening and add to the fun. Seeing them is sure to part in the charity walk for the nurses at Casa La Pedrera. So far, the walk has raised more than €2000, make you want to buy tickets and sponsor money is still coming in. to Adhoc’s next show, Sex For directions to Bar Imanyo call Dave G on 633 Please We’re Willing, which 366 701. will be for sale on the night.

Variety HELPS fundraising

Reggae night

Friday, March 9, 2012

Rough and Freddie: A Laker DC10

I’VE been singing a little catchphrase each morning these past 12 months or so. It emerges roughly five minutes after I ease my aching bones out of bed, wondering what new pains I’ve inherited for this particular day, and hobble creakily into the bathroom.

HOLIDAY? I HAVE ONE EVERY DAY

A cursory squint into the mirror tells me I don’t wish to see my sagging face, so cleaning my teeth is invariably a blind date with the toothbrush. It’s little consolation that I still have my own gnashers (which are still attached to my jawbone, believe it or not) because they are as grey as a typical English summer sky. A few years back, I invested the best part of £1,000 in a vain bid to make them gleam like they did 50 years ago. Talk about being taken to the cleaners! As I rummage around for the eight pills I’m supposed to take first thing, my head fills with the mass of work ahead of me for the next 12 hours. Writing, editing, designing, talking to readers, replying to emails...life is certainly not a doddle at The Courier. Then it happens. I start Life’s a holiday for me these days...with the occasional trip to Benidorm thrown in singing. Well, I am Welsh, so it’s allowed. And it’s You know, the feeling that moaning four-year-old, the those neighbours from hell sunburnt, I am living a loud as well. uncrowned Princess of and the ongoing war with the every day is a holiday... dream. The bit that might throw binmen. Of course, it would end Wails. For decades we would you is the words to my little Oh, there was also the Every coming day would spend our family holidays in with that horrible, sweltering ditty ..because work doesn’t again be a penance as the morning when you struggled Spain, Italy or somewhere obligatory annual drought, come into it. The tune varies from Land of My Fathers to equally compulsive in the onto that sweaty return bus unyielding rain pattered which simply could not be the Marseillaise and Mediterranean - 14 days to the airport before herding down your neck. But there avoided. I mean, 200 years McNamara’s Band. But the relaxing (kids permitting), the whole noisy, moaning was at least the thought of is far too brief a period for sentiments are always the with the Fleet Street rat race entourage back onto a next year’s holiday in the the bureaucrats to devise as distant as the remotest Freddie Laker DC10 for the sun to keep the spirits up. a cunning plan to harness same. Even if it was 50 weeks all that rain and winter return flight to Hades. EVERY DAY’S A HOLIDAY star in the next galaxy. Four hours and 40 heart away. Winter or summer, we flooding for an entire year. IN OUR HOUSE...no matter Meanwhile, it was back to Clearly the poor reserhow hard I have to work. would wake up to glorious attacks later, you were back Because while those around sunshine beaming into our in blighty, shivering your way the rat race, the traffic jams, voirs have irreparable leaks, me stress at not being able to hotel room and savour that down the aircraft steps onto the pollution and the damp because the problem is not make ends meet, or contem- unique atmosphere every the runway - and hoping an greyness of England’s bean drying up. (Well, it IS drying plate another boring day holidaymaker wants to last out of control airport bus and pheasant land. Not to up but the problem is still would flatten your ever- mention the mother-in-law, there, if you get my drift - or doing nothing but getting or ever.

The Broadband and Telephone Company

966 784 532

rather my attempt to drift, cos there ain’t no water to drift on). One of the perks of retirement, providing you have some sort of private pension to supplement the state one), is that you can afford to make that holiday in the sun permanent. OK, it’s not as straightforward as that – I mean, the logistics of embarking on a 24/7 sojourn to the tropics are not simple for a dodderer (no Ken, not you). It doesn’t work out for everyone, but when I start writing lists of pros and cons for living in Spain and the UK respectively, I struggle to come up with a single entry on the Brit list. So it was predictable that when I bought my home in the Costa Blanca six years ago, it felt like I had died and gone to Heaven. All I needed was some meaningful stimulation to keep my brain active. It was a long time coming but thankfully it was duly delivered last year…by Courier. Now I’m happily working myself to death in the perfect environment, and whilst I’d love to see more of my kids and grandkids back in Manchester, I have the consolation here of a wonderful circle of likeminded friends. Ah well, on with the hols.

Friday, March 9, 2012

PINT OF NO RETURN FOR THE BARMAN

I RECEIVED a terrible shock in the pub the other evening. It happened when Dave the barman dropped a bombshell of an announcement. I nearly fell off my bar stool. Nothing new there, I know, but let me explain. The words uttered by the custodian and dispenser of my beer supply were: 'I am quitting.' The blood and alcohol stumbled over each other in their rush to drain from my head. Still in a semi-swoon, I stuttered: 'But why? You've been here only 30 years.' 'And that's why it's time to bite the bullet and spread my wings,' said Dave. 'Please don't say that,' I begged, almost in tears. 'Ah, at least it's a comfort to know that you'll miss me,' purred Dave. 'Huh?' I commented, puzzled. 'No. I meant you shouldn't say bite the bullet and spread your wings in the same sentence. 'It's a mixed metaphor. And that really upsets me.' 'Spare me from the grammar police,' muttered Dave - and he went away to talk to somebody less irritating. So my favourite barman was soon to call 'Time, gentlemen, please' for the last . . . er . . . time. No more would I hear the words 'Drink up, you lot. Have you no homes to go to?' That particular remark would always raise a wry smile from those members of Dave's clientele who had irrevocably angered their partners and who indeed had no homes to go to. Blimey, I was already missing Dave the barman and he hadn't even gone yet. I felt my eyes moisten and tears plopped into my already watered-down pint. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm that rare sort of guy who sobs in the slightest soppy situation. I reckon I take after my mother. The first time she viewed her favourite film she wept buckets. 'Family is so important,' she blubbed. 'And that movie exemplified what a mother has to sacrifice in life. 'And her son worshipped her for it.' I placed a comforting arm around Mother as we left the cinema. 'You're such a sentimental soul,' I said. 'I know,' she sniffed. 'Mind you, if they ever make a second Psycho film I can't see it being as tender-hearted.' Anyway, what was I going on about? Oh, yes, my inclination to turn on the waterworks. I can recall whimpering with emotion on my wedding day.

Just before the ceremony I inquired of my best man, Eric the dentist: 'Do I REALLY have to go through with this?' Eric was out of breath from pursuing me around the grounds of the register office. He demanded that I came out from behind the tall rhododendron bush and get back in there. I could tell that the future Mrs S was fuming at me as we stood before the registrar. Curls of smoke were forming a cloud over her floppy hat. 'Darling!' I whispered frantically. 'You didn't put your fag out properly before you stuck it behind your ear.' 'Stand up straight!' she hissed back. 'It's a wedding not an execution.' 'What's the difference?' I mumbled. 'And how the hell can I stand up straight when the best man's got me in an armlock.' Anyway, after the registrar had left the room, muttering and shaking her head, the wedding party

boogied on down the street to the reception venue, probably the roughest pub in town. I cannot recall the proper name of that establishment but it was known by the law authorities as The

Grievous Bodily Arms. And it was there that the wedding guests were served by none other than Dave the barman. It was our first meeting and the start of a wonderful friendship. So well did we get on that when I subsequently moved house, Dave followed suit and moved pubs. And now, after all those years, our partnership was to end. 'Will you be having a leaving do?' I asked him after he'd dropped his bombshell. 'Yeah,' he said. 'But not in this pub. I'd only finish up working behind the bar, the first person who couldn't attend his own farewell party.' We decided to have the event at a posh eatery. 'But let's make it casual dress,' said Dave. 'Whatever,' I said. 'But I'd rather wear men's clothes.' Dave the barman sighed. 'Your humour is the other reason I'm quitting.' And that was that. Until Dave's next bombshell the following night. 'I'm not leaving after all,' he revealed. 'Fantastic!' I yelled, this time actually falling off my bar stool. 'So how come you're staying?' 'Well, as I'm also the owner of the pub I had to hand in my notice to myself. 'But as my own employer I refused to accept it. 'I had to explain to me that I was the best barman I'd ever had and, in recognition, I was giving myself a wage rise.' 'Wow!' I said. 'You've got a great boss there.' 'Yeah,' nodded Dave. 'And customer-friendly, too. Just look how long he's put up with you load of deadbeats.'

Friday, March 9, 2012

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH Lesson 10 - starting with verbs YOU have now been learning Spanish over 10 weeks and are hopefully beginning to master some words. We will be revising regularly to check your learning but I hope you are also using Spanish as and when you can. The hardest part of Spanish for me was understanding what was being said to me. I could nearly always reply because I knew what words to use to make myself understood, but if someone used words I didn´t understand the conversation was almost impossible. So, the trick to speaking and learning Spanish is also to understand it, and the best way to do that is to speak with Spanish speaking people, whether on the internet, in the shops or bars or anywhere you can find someone who will say a few words to you. Once your ear is tuned to the sounds, it becomes a lot easier to understand. This of course won´t happen overnight and can take many months or even years, depending on your ability to learn a language and the effort you put in. Rest assured, however, that, as I´ve said before, EVERYONE can learn a new language. So we are going to start with verbs. This is a very important area. We cannot say anything without using a verb, even the shortest sentence in the Bible has a verb - “Jesus wept”. Those of us brought up speaking English aren´t really taught too much about verbs and nouns and adjectives, we have a basic passing knowledge but not much more. The Spanish, however, have a much greater knowledge of verbs simply because of the vast number of conjugations, or ways of using them. To begin with, we will only be concentrating on the present tense and we will touch lightly on other tenses and conjugations. However, the present tense is one of the easiest to learn and can be used for any tense along with words such as ´yesterday´ or ´later´ or ´tomorrow´. Although this would not be correct grammar, it would get you by until you learn the correct past or future tense of the verb. Before we learn verbs, we need to know what words go

before them, so here is a table

So What Is A Verb? A verb is a word to describe an action or a state of being, and in English is preceded by ´to´. Examples: to run, to walk, to go, to feel, to know. In Spanish, all verbs in their ´to´ state end

in either AR, ER or IR. Examples: to drink - beber, to eat – comer, to read - leer, to live - vivir , to feel - sentir, to open – abrir, to speak – hablar, to walk – andar, to buy – comprar. Simple Sentence Construction The minimum you need to create a sentence is the subject (which is the person or thing doing something), and the verb, which is what is being done. As in the previous exam-

ple ´Jesus wept´, Jesus is the subject and wept is the verb. We will begin with AR verbs - and will only be dealing with regular verbs for now; that is, ones that follow this pattern. Firstly, you need the subject, for example I (yo); secondly you need the verb without the last two letters, then you need the subject ending; for example, to say I do something the regular ending is ´o´, so to say I walk you have the subject yo then the verb base AND (which is andar without the AR) then the ending which is ´o´ so, I walk is yo ando. For AR verbs, take off the AR and add the following, depending on whom the verb relates to. Endings:

So, let´s make some more sentences in the present tense. I speak – Yo hablo yo is the word for I, habl is the verb base and o is the yo ending. I walk – yo ando You love – tú amas (to love – amar) He buys – el compra As the ending is telling you who does the action, it is common practice to leave off the subject pronoun and it is usually used only for emphasis. For example, ‘I eat meat but you don´t eat meat’, for which you would most likely say, Yo como carne pero tú no comes carne Here are some regular verbs for you to write in Spanish. For he and she, write el or ella, for they, use ellos and for you, use the Tú version in these examples. Write the following in Spanish, answers next week. He speaks, we speak, they walk, we buy, he walks, I buy, we love, you walk, they speak, we buy.

Friday, March 9, 2012

WHY DO THEY DO THAT? Top dog psychologist PETER SINGH writes exclusively for The Courier. Check out www.thedogyouneed.com or email Peter at peter@thedogyouneed.com

Aggressive dog? Here’s the solution...

A WALK OF ART Exercise, along with rules, helps to avoid aggression by dogs

THE most common problem faced by people wishing to book a consultation with me is...aggression. Being a dog behaviourist, people donʼt tend to call me for problems such as pulling on the lead and poor recall. In my opinion this problem is on the increase and I think is a reflection of the current mood of society. Aggression is something I cure on a weekly basis. The great thing about dogs is that they live in the moment, so unlike a human, who would probably have to go to therapy for several months and then only notice little change, dogs can change from an aggressive state to a calm one in an instant. Providing, that is, the owner or handler has the correct energy and is communicating the correct signals to the dog. Aggression is caused by one of, or a mixture of the following: 1 - Poor breeding, where one or both of the parents displayed aggression. 2 - Lack of socialisation, where a puppy was not introduced to people or other dogs during the first 16 weeks. 3 - The dog is unwell and suffering from an injury or illness. 4 - Frustration, due to a lack of exercise and dominance, because the dog rules the people in the household. Frustration and dominance is by far the most common cause of aggressive dogs. There are so many people who adopt a dog or buy a puppy and fail to meet one of the most basic needs of a dog - exercise. There are many dogs who get little or no exercise, or only get to run around their garden. Dogs are well aware that the garden is an extension of the house, so this can never be a substitute for the walk. If your dog does not get the correct amount of exercise and is also dominant over you and other family members, this is a recipe for aggression. An 1893 book entitled Hints to Beginners Dogs stated the following: “The question of exercise is a point to which too much attention can scarcely be directed, as by neglecting this most important subject, much evil will certainly befall the dogs”.

Respect

It is vital that puppies are properly socialised during their first 16 weeks

When I meet an aggressive dog on a consultation, my first mission is to gain the respect of the dog by instilling rules in the relationship and to drain their energy with a run alongside my electric bicycle. I clip them onto the fitted dog lead and away we go. This is a wonderful moment, to see dogs that have been denied a basic need blossom as their frustrated energy drains away with each turn of the bicycleʼs wheel. It is important to realise rules of nature and to remember what each species was put on this earth to do. Birds fly, fish swim and dogs walk. Dogs have taught me to follow their network and live in the moment. This is a vital state of mind for me, as when I am with the dog, no part of me is thinking about what the dog did in the past. Because of this the dog picks up that my energy towards him is positive and not negative. I am not expecting the dog to bite or attack. My feelings towards him are a mixture of joy and peace. In life you get back what you give out, so for me it is positive thoughts only. I have been called out to consultations, where I am the dog’s last hope. Someone has been bitten and every other organisation or behaviourist has advised that the dog be put to sleep. In my opinion the professionals who advise this should not be working with animals because if a dog has a heartbeat, then he can change for the better. Who are these people to advise of such an atrocity? If one of their human family members started to show aggressive behaviour, would they advise the same wickedness? In every case where I am the last hope for the dog, it has resulted from a lack of exercise and dominance because the human has given the dog no rules to follow. How many dogs have been put to sleep worldwide, simply because the owners didnʼt provide these basic needs? Walking a dog is the closest way of bonding with him. Not by giving him treats, toys or his own sofa. Your dog is the best friend you will ever have in your entire life. So go and get the lead - and begin to become your dog’s best friend.

Do you need to transport your pet between Spain and the UK? Peter Singh provides a relaxing and peaceful mode of travelling with his pet transport service. Check it out by visiting www.europeanpettransport.com

Friday, March 9, 2012

LETTERS EXTRA

More of your e-mails on Page 16 Bank won’t give me with no comeback MY money

HOTEL HEARTBREAK Keycard robbers left us

THIS is a warning if you are staying in hotels. Over the Christmas period I, my wife and two friends went to spend four days at the Albir Hotel and Spa, near Benidorm. We had a great time as the food was very good, rooms clean and staff friendly. However, the holiday was marred by a robbery taking place on Boxing Day. Entry into the room was by ‘card’ key and the police confirmed that there was no forced entry. I had taken what I thought was adequate measures as we hid anything of value under clothes in the drawers. In the event this proved to be inadequate because a laptop, iPod, jewellery and money were taken AND all the clothes put back on top. The robbers even took my wife’s handbag from under the clothes, took the money from her small purse, replaced it back in the handbag and put it under the clothes to look as though nothing had happened. The police came immediately to the scene but have not returned since to continue an investigation. The hotel and their insurance company have taken the view that no robbery took place since there was no forced entry. I am sure you can draw your own conclusion from what I have stated above. In future I will ensure that anything of value will be LOCKED into my luggage case. I thought everything would be secure – how wrong can you be? My friends (in the room next to us) left their laptop totally in view but their room was not robbed!! CHARLES SMITH, San Fulgencio

Something’s not white... I TOOK this photo of a black swan on the River Segura estuary at Guardamar on Sunday (March 4) Are black swans native to this area or is this one an escapee from somewhere? Perhaps an ornithologist could shed some light on this. - ALEX DUNLOP

HAVE YOU SEEN SCRUMPY? SOME very good friends have lost their kitten and I've offered to help. I’d be most grateful if you could publish this photo and description. . Grey & black tiger stripped kitten, 8 months old with white belly. Lost from San Luis Square area since Tuesday February 28. Please check underbuilds etc. He may be locked in. Comes to his name of Scrumpy. Please call 966785777 or 966784460 if spotted. Thanks very much. LYN ADAMS

I WENT into my bank today - Bankia, formerly Bancaja - to close an account and withdraw the 1.200 euros in it. I was told these accounts were being stopped at the bank and I couldn't withdraw my money, even though when I opened the account I was assured I could withdraw the money any time. I was also told that the money from this account would be used to buy Bankia shares and I will be called later in the month to sign the papers to enable this to happen. To make things worse I was also told that I would only actually be able to use 75% of my money to buy these shares (that I don't want) therefore 900 euros and if I signed them to the bank until July 2013 I might get the whole 1,200 euros back. How can this be legal? I put my money into the bank account in good faith and now I'm being told I can't have it back and can only use 75% of it to buy shares and if I don't agree to this I will lose the money. I am informing everyone I know and have already discovered that a friend of my daughter's has suffered the same fate. Unfortunately they had more money in their account. LAURETTE HOWARTH don’t say what sort of account lYOU this is. A colleague who uses the same bank had no problem withdrawing money, so presumably yours is not a current account. Can anyone throw some light on this situation? - EDITOR

LÍNEA DIRECTA, THE BEST CAR INSURANCE FOR EXPATRIATES Línea Directa offers its 70,000 customers residing in Spain the most complete car insurance on the market, with services available entirely in English, which they can take advantage of by making just one phone call at a time which is convenient for them. Here are just a few of the services available offering Expatriates exclusive benefits: • LEGAL ASSISTANCE. This service offers the company’s customers advice on Spanish legislation in matters of housing, consumption, family and labour law or driving.

• TRAVEL ASSISTANCE. If the Línea Directa customer is a victim of theft outside Spain, the company will provide accommodation in a hotel of up to four stars.

• HOME REPAIRS. In addition to repairing windscreens at the customer’s home, Línea Directa also offers to collect and deliver the car to one of its network repairers, and acts as an intermediary in any matter relating to the repair process.

• FINE MANAGEMENT. This service offers the customers advice on traffic fines in their own language, as well as notifying them on the official state bulletins, a benefit specially designed for expatriates. And now home insurance too Línea Directa offers an exclusive Premium policy designed for foreign residents in Spain, which apart from offering the best cover on the market, also offers customer service in English.

For more information: 902 123 104

Friday, March 9, 2012

Are men from Mars? ARE men and women really so different? This was a question I was pondering whilst chatting to a Spanish male friend. We have been pals for around six years, almost as long as I have been in Spain and we have both been searching for the same thing all this time, our one true love, to settle down and be happy with. He is my age, attractive, has a good job, speaks English and Catalan fluently and is a lovely person. However, he and I didn´t click any more than to be good friends. We have been there for each other through our various failed relationships and it always seems that when he is in a relationship I´m single and vice versa. But he has had exactly the same problem I have found when looking for a relationship - namely a lack of commitment. Whether they want to travel or just get cold feet, all the women he has dated have ultimately decided they are not ready to settle down with him. He has had several longterm relationships, by long term I mean a few years, but he has yet to marry or have children. When we were talking, I realised just how similar our situations were. Since coming to

Spain I have yet to meet a male who is ready for the full commitment I would like. Even my ex admitted he came to live with me because he had nowhere else. Of course, when I find someone willing to commit even for a short time I have often thought that I was the one doing all the running, I was the one making the sacrifices. Of course, at first they come to visit, take you out, choose where to go and what to do. But then, as the relationship progresses, the switch slowly begins. I have to go to his house, I have to make the plans and arrangements, I am always doing the cooking and somehow the washing up. I slip into the female role, leaving the dominant male to lick his fur and check out the internet or what´s on television. It always seems to be me and my friend who are left on the sidelines while our

prospective other halves do their own things. Yet, as I´ve already mentioned, he is male and I´m female. So, should we be stereotyping the sexes? Are men the leaders, the go getters, the chasers? And are women the chased? The ones searching for love and a happy ever after? Isn´t it true that some women are like this, as are some men? Isn´t it true that some women have male traits and vice versa? So, what do we look for? It must be true that we aren´t so different in terms of sexes, or no one would find their ideal partner, for the ideal, surely is wanting pretty much the same thing at the same time. So, if all men are predators that don´t want to settle down and all women long for their prince, then the only successful relationships would be same sex couples! Of course, I know the brains of men and

women are different. They react differently to stimuli and use their brains differently. There has been extensive research into the differences, for example: The male brain is highly specialised, using specific parts of one half or the other to accomplish specific tasks; the female brain is more diffused and utilises significant portions of both halves for a variety of tasks. Men can narrowly focus their brains on specific tasks or activities for long periods of time without tiring, women are better equipped to divide their attention among multiple activities or tasks. Also, men are able to separate information, stimulus, emotions, relationships etc. into separate compartments in their brains, while women tend to link everything together. However, those are cold, hard facts and when emotions are brought in, and individuality comes through, women and men are not so far apart. I guess the truth is that there is someone out there for each of us. As long as we don´t compromise our dream to fit in with theirs, then we will be happy and find the one. There is someone of the opposite sex wanting the same things that we do. Finding them… now that´s a whole other subject!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Bigot O’Brien is beyond a choke AS A good clean-living Catholic boy, with a mother who had false hopes of me becoming a priest, I’ve always followed with interest what the Church of Rome and its leaders around the world have to say. I therefore nearly choked on my Sunday cornflakes when I heard the bigoted musings of the Scottish Catholic boss, Cardinal Keith O’Brien, being widely repeated on TV. The misguided Cardinal attacked David Cameron on his thoroughly sensible and logical idea that gay couples could marry in civil premises. O’Brien must have been heavily knocking back the altar wine to provoke his unChristian comments that the plans were, and I quote, “a grotesque subversion of a universally accepted human right, and that the idea would shame the United Kingdom in the eyes of the world”. Strange, then, that the Cardinal seemed to forget that many strong Catholic countries, including Spain, have gay marriage already. He also let slip his personal bias against the Prime Minister as the idea has allparty support, and is just an upgrading of the civil partnership ceremony that takes place in all council offices around the country.

There’s nothing about churches suddenly having to host such marital unions and O’Brien is just scaremongering after being very badly briefed by his advisors. I found it strange, though, that the Cardinal had nothing to say about the sexual abuses committed by Catholic priests within Britain over the years, or his views on why there are so many single-parent families,

or why so many people do not commit to marriage. Commitment for life between any couple is surely a good thing, a point that O’Brien seems to have forgotten in his attempt to play politics, where he seems to be right out of his depth. This, despite the best endeavours of the Sunday Telegraph to use him as a stooge for some Cameron bashing. I might start having a

monthly mention of the UK trade union dinosaur that is Len McCluskey. A few weeks ago I quoted the rubbish the Unite leader was spouting about wanting the Labour Party to return to fullfrontal socialism. Now, the red-necked fool has said that trade unionists ought to go on strike during the London Olympics just for the hell of it. Well done, Len! All he’s managed to achieve is the near-impossible task of uniting British politicians of all parties in saying what an idiot he is. If I was a member of the Unite union, I’d be poring over the rule books to find the quickest way of removing such an embarrassment. At a time when folk are rightly worried about their jobs in the UK, they need strong leadership, rather than somebody who’s playing the politics of the school playground. Pop stars and politics rarely mix, and it made my blood boil when the morose Mancunian singer Morrissey decided to take part in a collective licking of backsides with an Argentinian audience. He told them during a gig, with no historical justification, that the Falkland Islands belong to the Argentinian people, and kindly asked them not to blame the British people. Work that one out if you

can, but at least that should secure the former Smiths front man a year’s supply of corned beef, whilst David Cameron will probably never admit again to being a fan! Perhaps Morrissey lives too much in the past and still can’t get over Maggie Thatcher’s three decisive election victories. There’s more chance of Engelbert Humperdinck winning the Eurovision Song Contest for the UK in May, than Vladimir Putin ever being dislodged from power in Russia. The Prime

Minister’s going to be President again, and he made sure he won Sunday’s election in style with all kinds of vote rigging and dirty tricks worthy of the old English rotten boroughs of the 19th century. It all reminded me a bit of the famous Blackadder by-election sketch, but not many will be laughing in a country that has seen democracy slowly but surely trickle away under the iron fist of the former KGB man. As Putin’s mate, Roman Abramovich has once again shown at Chelsea, those Russkies stop at absolutely nothing to get what they want!

Friday, March 9, 2012

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

AT LAST there is something worth writing to the papers about because for a long time there has been stagnation here in the Orihuela Costa political scene. There has been no progress to improve the lot of the residents - just the constant harping of CLARO councillor Bob Houliston regarding the CLR leader and deputy mayor Pedro Mancebo, who I know very well. He is leader of the CLR party I support and for whom I lent my name to be included on his list of candidates for the last election. I know him to be someone who works tirelessly for the public good and I wouldn’t support him if he didn’t. The joint government programme of the coalition CLRCLARO offered to allocate to the citizens of OC several councillors in the Playa Flamenca Town Hall working for the residents. That has always been the aim of Pedro Mancebo - but Bob Houliston had a very different idea. He wanted the same one-man government that for years with the PP has proven to be useless and not enough for Orihuela Costa. Good enough to satisfy one man’s ego but not the 35.000 residents. Bob Houliston wanted control of all the local govern-

Have you no honour, Bob?

ment departments in Orihuela Costa, irrespective that those departments were allocated to other councillors for the whole of the Orihuela community. The fact he was unable to develop any positive actions to improve the conditions of OC and incapable of working in cooperation and coordination with the relevant departments of the Town Hall is what is behind his resignation. He also quoted in the press that the resident engineer was removed from Playa Flamenca Town Hall without notice and without his approval. The truth is that he was given three days’ notice in writing about the transfer, according to the civil officers in the Town Hall. The truth of the matter is that the engineer, after working 12 years in OC, appealed to the human resources councillor begging to be transferred to Orihuela city because she could no longer work with Houliston and his hapless assistant Antonio Cedan, who was directly

involved in the manoeuvres and conversations to bring PP and Monica Lorente back to power. It is important to remember that this was the main reason why Secretary General Modesto Veloso resigned and left CLARO back on November 20 in an honourable act guided by his ethical principles. The CLARO councillor has now stated his intention of siding with the corrupt PP regime of Monica Lorente, the previous mayor. This act of treachery to the people of the coast and to the main aim of the CLR-CLARO coalition to remove Monica Lorente from power shows us that this man has no limit to his personal ambitions and will do anything to achieve his goal. Mr Houliston should do the honourable thing and resign as a councillor altogether as he no longer has a mandate from the people of Orihuela Costa, who he has betrayed by his duplicity and breaking of pre-election promises. Never forget that the first thing he did immediately after the election was to abandon his CLR coalition partner in a tradeoff for the post he coveted on the coast. The fact that he wouldn’t even have a seat on the council without the CLR vote totally escaped him, such was his lust for the job. His second act after being appointed as councillor for the coast was to renege on the joint had power of prior approval CLR/CLARO manifesto to councillors’ of all my acts on the coast reduce and he had power of decision salaries. Now that he has (“optimisation”) of all openly stated that he will resources on the coast side with the PP, it would including personnel and appear this man has no honour whatsoever. budgetary resources. The councillor of the It was not only these formal constraints on my ability coast should be someone to act but repeated practical who works with all the departments to measures, in particular the other transfer of the Resident inform them what is needEngineer from the coast by ed on the coast and where. CLR councillors for “organi- He should be inspecting sational necessities”, to the streets, beaches and quote the official communica- urbanisations to find out tion, which convinced me what is required and not that it was no longer possible sitting in his posh office to carry out my work for the waiting for a photo opporcoast and which prompted tunity to come along. my resignation from the govThe council already has ernment. I remain, of course, workmen on contract to an elected councillor serving them; he should be on the Orihuela Town inspecting what work they Council. do and pointing out what As to my ambition “to have else should be done. If control of all the local govern- everyone worked together ment departments” and my in the council, real being “incapable of working progress would be made. in cooperation and coordina- Sadly, King Bob was as tion” with other departments much use as a chocolate of the Town Hall, this is a teapot to the people of ludicrous allegation. I worked Orihuela Costa during his perfectly harmoniously with nine months in the job the councillors of the other although he would have two parties in the coalition, received a handsome paythe Socialist Party and the out for that time. Greens. If he does manage to There are countless press bring the coalition governarticles to substantiate this ment down and the corrupt but none to record actions in PP party of Monica Lorente which Pedro Mancebo or is returned to power, I have other CLR councillors and I no doubt that the people of participated together. the coast will send the Again, in order to appreci- CLARO party to oblivion ate the real intentions of for continuing to support Pedro Mancebo and his CLR the conduct and behaviour party in relation to the coast, of this man. I would invite Mr. McPhail to ALAN N McPHAIL, Turn to Page 34 Orihuela Costa

MANCEBO AND ME: THE FACTS

I AM sorry to see that Mr. McPhail (see letter above) is another of those to be completely taken in by Pedro Mancebo, to the point that he is acting as a mouthpiece to repeat his accusations against me and what I tried to do for Orihuela Costa in the eight months I was Councillor for the Coast.

Why we won’t fly Ryanair

THANKS for printing our story, DUMPED IN THE FROZEN NORTH. That man Carvalho at Ryanair has told complete lies. Coaches for other tour operators like Thomas Cook etc were running. The taxi driver said they would have been glad of the work in the current climate. Yes, Ryanair like to keep statements short and factual. How about ‘You have to make your own way home’? Was that short enough? No mention of hotels, just the previous statement. So of course we did not go to a hotel especially as we had no money and thought we would never see the expenses for that again and nothing was said about hotels! We will never travel with Ryanair again and everybody I talk to says they would not. either. Thanks again - you were the only paper to acknowledge our story, let alone print it. Our friend in Spain sent it to us. D and A PRINCE

Together with many in the CLARO party, we too were taken in by Pedro Mancebo. This illusion was shattered after the election we contested with his CLR party in an electoral alliance last May. As I said in my resignation letter, Pedro Mancebo’s hostility to me and the constraints he put on my ability to carry out my work as Councillor for the Coast, became apparent on the day CLR joined the government. BOB HOULISTON...remains an elected councillor It was on 16 July, 2011, in tiating with the Popular Party last year limiting my compethe first meeting of the newly to bring down the govern- tences and to judge who was enlarged government group, ment. If these negotiations seeking to impose his which I had joined when had started in authority on Orihuela Costa. accepting the Mayor’s invita- October/November last year, The authority conferred by tion to become Councillor for which they did not and have the Coast, when he attempt- not since, they would by now these Decrees was not given ed, unsuccessfully, to reduce have become one of the to the Councillor for the my direct responsibilities and longest negotiations in politi- Coast but the councillor controlling him, Pedro Mancebo, to remove the one personal cal history. advisor who had been alloI invite Mr. McPhail to read under the guise of coordinacated to me by the Mayor. the Mayor’s Decrees, which tor for services with the Despite this bad start, are public documents, signed coast. CLARO tried in vain in sever- in September and December Through these Decrees he al meetings with him and his colleagues last autumn to establish a cooperative working relationship. THE Davila/Grewar Family Fund would like to say a big We were rewarded with ‘Thank You’ to the Lounge Bar for organising a fundraising formal restrictions on my event, The 70’s Night, on Saturday, February 25. Also specompetences via mayoral cial thanks to Jez, Sarah and staff, plus all who gave their decree, and in November time free of charge to support this very worthy cause. The 2011 with my expulsion from total raised was €247.70. A great effort and greatly the so-called CLR-CLARO appreciated. LYN and KEN ADAMS, municipal group on the spuriReg No CV-01-048815A, Cif G54608591 ous grounds that I was nego-

Thanks for the memory

Friday, March 9, 2012

SPRING PASTA SPRING LASAGNE Ingredients

250g bunched asparagus, trimmed 2 large square sheets dried lasagne 235g bag ready washed spinach 200ml tub half fat creme fraiche 175g frozen baby broad beans, thawed 15g pack fresh dill, finely chopped Zest and juice of ½ unwaxed lemon

Method 1.Place the asparagus in a fan steamer or colander over a pan of boiling water. Cook for 8–10 minutes until tender then remove. 2.Meanwhile, bring another large pan of water to the boil. Cook the lasagne according to pack instructions until al

dente. 3.Drain (reserve a little water), cut each sheet into 4 pieces and keep each piece in the reserved water to stop them sticking together. 4.Place the spinach in a large, hot frying pan with a splash of water. Cook, stirring, for 1–2 minutes until wilted. Add the crème fraîche, broad beans, dill, lemon zest and juice. Simmer for 1–2 minutes until heated through. Season well. 5.Place a sheet of pasta on each plate, top with some of the asparagus and sauce, then repeat with the remaining 3 sheets, the asparagus and sauce.

THE ULTIMATE PINK FLOYD TRIBUTE SHOW AT DIAMANTE'S RESTAURANT Good Pink Floyd tributes are few and far between. A solo Pink Floyd tribute is unheard of. that is until now. Every aspect of the Pink Floyd experience is faithfully created in detail using high quality sound equipment and state of the art fully automated lighting, by Nick Barker an internationally respected guitarist. The show runs for approximately 1 hour 40 minutes and has taken Southern Spain by storm. After some rave revues he has now brought the show to the Costa Blanca where Nick will be appearing at DIAMANTE'S RESTAURANT, El Mojón on Saturday 24th March. Ticket price includes a 2 course meal for only €10. This truly is a show like no other. Book early to avoid disappointment on 965352947

PURPLE SPROUTING BROCCOLI IN LEMON PASTA Ingredients 150g (5oz) penne pasta 200g (7oz) purple sprouting broccoli, cut into 5cm pieces 1tbsp olive oil 2 cloves garlic, chopped Zest and juice of ½ lemon 2tbsp white wine 100ml (3.4 floz) double cream Salt and black pepper

Method 1.Bring a large pan of seasoned water to a rolling boil. Add the pasta and boil for 10 mins or according to pack instructions. Drain and return to the pan. 2.Bring another small pan of water to the boil, add the broccoli and simmer for 2 mins. Drain and add to the pasta. 3.Heat the olive oil in a frying pan. Add the garlic and lemon zest and cook for 1 min until soft, but not coloured. Add the white wine and lemon juice and reduce by half. Stir in the cream and seasoning and bring to the boil. 4.Add the cream mixture to the broccoli and pasta and toss until well mixed. Serve with a generous sprinkling of black pepper.

Friday, March 9, 2012

PASTA PRIMAVERA Ingredients 2 large tomatoes 2 large courgettes 2 large carrots, peeled 4 large spring onions, trimmed 1tsp and 1tbsp olive oil 110-150g (4-5oz) pasta, e.g. linguini 4-6tbsp chopped parsley Handful of basil leaves, finely shredded 20g (¾ oz) Parmesan-alternative cheese, grated

Method 1.Put the tomatoes into a large heatproof bowl, cover with boiling water and leave to stand for 1-2 mins or until the skins start to split. Using a slotted spoon, remove the tomatoes from the water, place on a board, and leave them to cool for 3-4 mins. 2.Remove the skin from the tomatoes, cut them in half and then, using the handle of a small teaspoon, remove the seeds. Chop the tomato flesh into small squares. 3.Cut the ends off the courgettes and use a vegetable peeler to cut the courgettes and carrots into thin ribbon strips. Cut the spring onions in half lengthways, and then into thin strips lengthways. 4.Bring a large saucepan of water to the boil. Add the teaspoon of olive oil, then add the pasta and cook according to the packet's instructions. Meanwhile, put the courgette, carrot and spring onion strips into a steamer and steam for 10-12 mins, until they are cooked but still slightly crisp. 5.Heat the tablespoon of olive oil in a saucepan, add the

diced tomatoes and cook them until very hot, taking care not to let them soften too much or break up. Add the drained pasta, steamed vegetables, parsley and basil to the tomatoes, toss gently together and serve immediately, sprinkled with cheese and freshly ground black pepper to taste.

ROCKY’S ARENA THE KNOCKOUT VENUE

With amazing views over the Mediterranean, Rocky’s Arena Bar Restaurant is in the perfect location – and it is fast becoming a hit with locals and the many visitors to the area. Under the management of Craig and his fully experienced team, this successful bar and restaurant is growing in popularity with great food, happy hour daily from 5pm to 7pm and 10pm to 1am and live entertainment – all with the added benefit of a beautiful setting, large patio and rooftop bar terrace offering fresh air and great views. The spacious interior will tempt you, too. Situated on the N332 at Playa Flamenca, it’s close to all amenities and of course the fabulous beaches. Breakfast, lunch and dinner menus fea-

ture a varied selection of dishes, all at excellent value. And now Rocky’s is planning a new menu and is about to launch a tapas bar on the rooftop terrace overlooking the sea. The Rocky’s buffet, with its large selection to suit all tastes continues to be a big hit and the presentation and service are always top quality. The Arena is ideal for private parties, and look out for Rocky’s own special events such as the St Patrick’s Day celebration on March 17. With Guinness and Magners at €3, free Irish stew, lots of other giveaways and entertainment from DJ Lee Fox, there’s no better place to celebrate St Patrick’s Day. Rocky’s, the perfect hosts for any occasion.

Friday, March 9, 2012

What’s the Craic…..well let me tell ya!! Come and join the TKO road show at the biggest St. Patrick’s day parade and celebrations in Spain. This event takes place on Saturday 17th March on the Cabo Roig strip, on the Orihuela Costa, it’s bound to be a fun day out. With anticipated crowds of more that 5000, you need to be there!!!!

You still have time to take advantage of the TKO BIG SALE For every advert you buy we’ll give you another one absolutly FREE!! We are the only station on the Costa Blanca and Costa Calida that can offer you 2 services in one! For more information call: 965 99 66 66 or email: advertise@tkofm.com

Pick up your TKO FM 2012 car stickers from: Green Baize, Quesada Fish & Chips, Vincent Real Estate Benijofar, Tyres Neumaticos or come to the TKO Towers.

So hurry up and get sticking!!

TKO Gold’s Alex Trelinski with dog behaviourist Peter Singh, after their very informative show on Tuesday, solving the Costa Blanca and Costa Calidas doggy problems. Don’t forget to read Peters column on page 12

Let’s see if you can win yourself a meal for two and a bottle of wine at Quesada Fish & Chips POP QUIZ March 9th Welcome to the famous TKO Gold pop quiz! We sure did have some fun with last week’s questions. All you have to do is take the first letter from each answer to find the name of a band or artist. Once you have found the key word, listen in to Chris Ashley´s show on TKO Gold, Saturday mornings 9am – 12pm. 1. Fontella Bass was in need of help with this soul classic in 1965. 2. Greg & Duane (who was married to Cher for a short time) formed this band using their surname. 3. Jon Anderson was lead singer with this prog rock band. 4. Glenn Miller caught this locomotive in the 40s. 5. Swinging Blue Jeans cover of this Chan Romero stomper. 6. Herb Alpert & Jerry Moss formed this record label. 7. What colour was the river Johnny & The Hurricanes rocked in 1959. 8. Which city do the group Kasabian hail from. 9. Tracey Thorn & Ben Watt joined together to form this duo. 10. The 80s & 90s grunge capital of the World.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Ways To Whiten Your Teeth We all want those flashing pearly whites, but it’s rare for us to come by white teeth naturally. With the amount of acidic foods and drinks that stain our teeth, in combination with age and other factors (such as if you smoke or not), it’s no wonder that so many of us are trying to get that white smile. There are a number of teeth whitening products out there, all of them designed for different levels of need. We’ll start with the most basic of them all:

they are well worth the money. White strips can cost anywhere between €20 and €100, depending on the brand that you buy and how “effective” they are supposed to be. Whitening strips will make a difference to your teeth that will be noticeable in under a month. With continued use, you may or may not get super white teeth. If you want reasonably whiter teeth, then white strips are a good way to go.

Low Level Whitening: Whitening Toothpaste

High Level Whitening: Dental Whitening

There are a ton of these products out on the market these days. One common misconception is that the toothpaste contains some agent that is whitening our teeth. This is not in fact truth. Whitening toothpastes have a grainy substance added to them which helps scrub away at any surface stains.

If you really need to get your teeth nice and white, then you may want to consider having your teeth whitened by a professional – your dentist! This is a rather costly procedure, running anywhere from €100 to €1000, however if you really need to get those yellow and grey teeth sparkling white, this is the best way to go. The results are also immediate, no matter which whitening method that you use, so you will leave the dentist’s chair with a brand new smile. Dentists may use a paste, or they can also use laser technology on your teeth to help whiten them up. Laser whitening begins with having the

Medium Level Whitening: Whitening Strips We’ve seen the commercials about these “white strips” that hit the market some years ago. As they are relatively new, it’s left a lot of people wondering if

patient having his or her teeth cleaned up by the dentist. Then, a teeth whitening gel is applied to the teeth. This gel has a bleaching agent which is stronger than that which you can find in any over the counter products in the store. Once the gel has been applied, a laser is then used to help expedite the gel penetration process through the enamel. This is usually a one hour procedure, and is well worth it if you want pearly white teeth.

Why Green Tea is Naturally Healthy for Us What green tea really has going for it are its antioxidant properties. Antioxidants are important as they help protect us from the “free radicals” that we have both in our atmosphere and in our bodies. Free radicals are naturally occurring, but they are detrimental to our health as they can cause cancer, heart disease, and they accelerate the aging process. Having a regular intake of antioxidants has repeatedly shown that the numbers of free radicals are reduced. Cholesterol is reduced with regular intake of green tea. The chance of developing any cancers and heart disease decreases. Even those who suffer from arthritis will notice a difference shortly after they start sipping on some green tea.

Weight Loss Benefits of Green Tea Here’s what a lot of us are looking for: a magical cure to help us lose weight faster! So how does green tea do this? Green tea is a natural substance that contains ingredients that are able to flush out toxins that cause our bodies to cling

CARING FOR YOUR BONES By providing a framework of support for all other organs of the body, the importance of the human bone system is visibly clear. What is not so visible are other important functions of bones such as the production of blood cells which occurs in the bone marrow, and the storage of calcium and iron. Bone cells release a hormone called osteocalcin, which contributes to the regulation of blood sugar (glucose) and fat deposition. There are over 206 bones in the adult human skeleton, a number which varies between individuals and with age – new-born babies have over 270 bones. The biggest bone in the body is the femur located in the thigh and the smallest is the stapes bone found in the middle ear. There are several factors that can affect bone density and the average mass of the skeleton. These include; gender, race, hormonal factors, nutrition, physical activity and lifestyle behaviours, causing the weight of the skeleton to comprise between 12 and 20 percent of a person’s total body weight, with the average being 15 percent. Throughout life, the human body maintains a fine system of bone production and bone loss through the process of resorption. Until the age of 25, the body builds more bone tissue than is lost, but after 25, the equilibrium shifts with a loss of about 1 percent of bone mass every year. This loss can increase to 5 percent due to poor diet, pregnancies, hormonal imbalances, menopause, and bone diseases. The key to good bone care is the awareness of those factors that can severely affect bone health.

Extreme Level Whitening: Veneers So your teeth just don’t seem to be restorable, or you may want to fix up the appearance of your teeth as well as whiten them. Then it is definitely time to consider veneers. These are by no means inexpensive, but the end result is certainly worth it.

Beauty Benefits of Green Tea

Though green tea may only seem like a new concept to some of us on the Western side of the pond, green tea has been used for centuries by other countries that long ago recognized its health and beautiful benefits. The benefits of green tea can be had simply by sipping on it each morning as you take the dog for a stroll. Or you can also enjoy the benefits of green tea by rubbing it on your skin through a body lotion or a lip balm. There are even green tea supplements that help with your indigestion and weight loss.

on to our fat cells, and it has the ability to speed up our metabolic rate. This means that we are burning more fat than we would be otherwise. As an added benefit, green tea also enhances the oxidization of our fat cells, and it provides us with more energy than more highly caffeinated beverages.

Anti-Aging Benefits of Green Tea A lot of things can cause for our skin to look older than we feel: pollution, smoking, sun exposure, and diet are all popular offenders. The good news is that those fine lines, wrinkles and sun spots can all be treated with a touch of green tea. Whenever you are on the hunt for anti-aging products in the stores, make sure you do choose ones that use green leaf extracts as this will help naturally erase any fine lines and age spots that you may have. TIP: Some women will steep a cup of green tea and store away the teabags in the fridge overnight. The next morning, they place the cooled teabags over their eyes for 10-20 minutes. The coolness of the bags combined with the caffeine in the teabags will help get rid of any puffiness and under eye circles, and your eye area will be completely revitalized.

Dental Benefits to Green Tea Something that you don’t hear about every day is that there are actual dental benefits to green tea. Green tea naturally has fluoride in it, albeit low levels, but this does help prevent cavities. It also will get rid of the bad-breath causing bacteria in our mouth, so after sipping on a cup, you will have fresher breath.

Because bone mass starts to decline after the age of 25, it is very important that enough calcium (stored in the bone), minerals, and supporting nutrients are taken to compensate from this bone loss. Equally important is the recognition of the risk factors of bone disease such as osteoporosis. Post-menopausal women have a high risk of developing osteoporosis because of the diminished production of oestrogens, which has a protective effect on bones. In addition, smoking and the consumption of alcohol has also been found to have a toxic effect on bone cells. Drugs such as steroids used in the treatment of asthma and arthritis have a leaching effect on the bones leading to a decrease in bone mass. Excessive exercising, fad diets and eating disorders have also been linked to a lowering of bone density. The nutrients needed for good bone health include Calcium, magnesium, Vitamin D and silicon. Calcium forms up to 38 percent of bone mass, and can be found in foods such as non-fat dry milk, yogurt, sardines with bones, cheese, shrimp and low-fat or skimmed milk. Vitamin D is essential for the absorption of Calcium into the body. Research in Scotland found that nearly all patients (97.8%) who had hip fractures had low levels of vitamin D - sometimes, very low levels. They concluded that Vitamin D represents a correctable risk factor for fragile bone fractures in the elderly. Here in Costa Blanca there is an abundance of sunlight. Spending about 20 minutes a day in the sun especially when combined with a calcium rich diet has been found to be very protective for the bones. Silicon helps regulate bone mineralization by reducing bone breakdown, and increasing bone growth, while magnesium is essential for the proper absorption of Calcium. These can be found in supplements. It is important to consult with your doctor before taking any medication. Please send your queries to contact@mindspa.es or to book an appointment for a full body diagnostic scan or treatment call 630 118 439 or 966 262 93

Friday, March 9, 2012

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Tracy’s wanted to know more about Windows ADVICE: Debbie wanted to know how erase her hard Safe mode drive. Hi Richard, I have heard that there is a way to start your computer, even when it won’t start properly called safe mode, can you tell me how to get into this mode please?

Q A

Hi Tracy, Windows Safe Mode is accessed by pressing the F8 key just after the POST screen (the black screen that is displayed when your computer is initially turned on), after you press the F8 key a number of options are displayed, one of which is Windows Safe Mode (there are other types of Safe Mode available on this screen as well). The main use of Windows Safe mode is for computer engineers to attempt to get into your computer if it won’t start normally – I should point out that safe mode won’t ALWAYS work, but it might in certain circumstances and usually the best thing to do first is to get a copy of your important data before messing around with anything else to try to fix the problem.

Title: ADVICE: Denise was having problems with Gmail and Skype certificates

Q A

I have a problem with my laptop now that I just do not understand; It keeps coming up with "Certificate error”, this happens on Gmail and Skype especially.

Hi Denise, you mention that you get a certificate error in both Gmail and Skype? With regards to Skype, do you mean when you go to the Skype website or when Skype itself loads? With regards to this error when going to the Gmail page, I have seen this before and its usually releated to the time or date (or both) being out of date on your computer, to check this you should double click on the clock / calendar in the bottom right hand portion of your computer screen and check/adjust the settings to ensure that they are correct.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Q A

Hi Richard, how to erase my hard disk drive and start over.

Hi Debbie, this process is called formatting your hard drive and it’s not something to be undertaken lightly, this will destroy all of your data, your pictures, music, documents and potentially emails if you don’t store them on an online service, so please don’t follow any of these instructions unless you have a good and checked copy of your data. Most computers come with recovery CD’s or operating system CD’s and when placed in the CD drive at start-up of the computer (i.e. put the CD in the drive and restart the computer) they will initiate the process of formatting and rebuilding your computer, but as I mentioned before, please be VERY CAREFUL when doing anything like this and if you are at all unsure then consult with a professional, I have seen so many people regret doing this themselves over the years!

ADVICE: John wanted advice on how to speed up his computer.

Q A

Hi Richard, my computer is running slow what steps can I do to fix it?

Hi John, it’s the most common question I am ever asked and there is no simple answer I’m afraid. There could be a number of reasons as to why your computer is running slow, it could have a physical problem with its hard drive, it could have insufficient RAM for the modern applications that you are asking it to run or it could simply be too old and have a processor that is not really up to the job. On the BlueMoon website there is an article that goes into each of these possible problems in more detail, you can find it by going to http://www.bluemoonsolutions.es/why-is-mycomputer-so-slow We have just added a search function to the website so if you are looking for answers to any other type of problem it should be easier to find solutions now.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, March 9, 2012

Ethics row as mum of 66 has twin sons The Sun

A SINGLE mum has triggered a row by giving birth to IVF twins — at the age of 66. The woman, a Swiss pastor and theologian from ski resort Gruesch, went to Ukraine to have the treatment using donor eggs. The birth of sons Joshua and Michael by Caesarean two weeks ago makes the unnamed woman one of the world’s oldest mums. But the births sparked an ethics row. Josephine Quintavalle, from Comment on Reproductive Ethics, said: “We have to learn to say no to these women. It distorts nature.” It is illegal to have an egg from a donor implanted in Switzerland. Farmer's wife Omkari Panwar is believed to be the world's oldest mum. She had twins by IVF in India in 2008, aged 70.

Friday, March 9, 2012

WHAT THE UK

MY DAD LUCAN FOR the best part of four decades police have run up countless blind alleys in the hunt for Lord Lucan since he vanished after the family nanny was brutally murdered.

But after the Mirror exclusively revealed his brother’s claim that he may have fled to Africa, detectives this week sensationally announced they for George and one of his are examining the Mirror’s sisters to fly to Kenya and “new material” in a bid to trace Gabon so their father could the aristocrat. see them. The move came as Lord George admitted spending Lucan’s son George Bingham time in Namibia and South spoke for the first time about Africa over the past 20 years his father’s disappearance. George has kept his own but denied visiting Gabon. His email said: “I’ve never counsel on events since the bloody 1974 killing of his been to Gabon, although I nanny Sandra Rivett at the spent time in Namibia and Lucan family’s London home South Africa recuperating in an attack that also left his from a decade of coffee-swilling investment banking. mother Veronica injured. “I also, as an Arabic speaIn an email to the Mirror, the 44-year-old wrote: “I have ker, spend a lot of time in not, to the best of my kno- North Africa, where I keep a wledge, seen my father since yacht. “My father was declared November 1974.” The twist comes after Lord dead by a High Court judge Lucan’s younger brother over a decade ago. To sugHugh revealed he “was sure” gest that I have met and spothe fugitive fled to Africa after ken with my father is to make the killing. And a witness last me a possible accessory to a month claimed she arranged grisly murder.”

Daily Mirror

‘To suggest I have met and spoken with him is to make me a possible accessory to a grisly murder’

Son of a gun: George Bingham

Headless torso ‘is Gemma’ A NAKED, headless torso feared to be missing former EastEnders actress Gemma McCluskie was found in a canal on Wednesday. Her brother Tony McCluskie, 35, was arrested and held at an East London police station. The female torso, whose arms and legs had also been hacked off, was found close to Hackney's Broadway Market. Detectives believe it is Gemma, 29, because of a

Daily Mirror distinctive tattoo. For six days Tony had joined his family, including brother Danny and 100 volunteers, in the hunt for Gemma, pictured right, handing out flyers and putting up posters appealing for information. Tony shared a flat with his sister in Bethnal Green, East London, near where the body was found.

London heart doc THE LONDON-based father-in-law of Syrian President Bashar al Assad this week begged him to make democratic changes to his strife-torn country “before it’s too late”. Harley Street cardiologist Dr Fawaz Akhras, 66, says he is “horrified” by his son-in-law’s savage suppression of the uprising in Syria which has cost the lives

of at least 7,000 ordinary civilians. As Syrian troops renewed their ferocious bombardment of the city of Homs, he revealed for the first time that he has been quietly pushing for reform since before the revolution began last March. Dr Akhras admits he is fearful for the safety of his British-born daughter Asma, 36, who married Assad 12 years ago.

Friday, March 9, 2012

TABLOIDS SAY

CO’S TRIBUTE TO BRAVE SIX Afghan blast victims were ‘fallen brothers’

The Sun THE commanding officer of the unit hit by a deadly Afghanistan blast paid movyesterday tribute ing (Thursday), saying: "Six of our brothers have fallen. It has been a sad day." Lt Colonel Zac Stenning, of 3rd Battalion The Yorkshire Regiment, read a eulogy to the men outside Battlesbury Barracks in Warminster, Wiltshire. The soldiers were killed when was vehicle patrol their destroyed by a bomb as they patrolled through Helmand hours ago, we heard the Province in Afghanistan. terrible news that six solThe Taliban told the BBC diers from The 3rd yesterday morning they Battalion, The Yorkshire were responsible. Regiment, were declared They were later named missing, believed killed, as Sergeant Nigel Coupe, after their Warrior 33, from the 1st Battalion armoured vehicle was The Duke of Lancaster's caught in an explosion in Regiment, Corporal Jake southern Afghanistan. Hartley, 20, Private Anth“As their commanding ony Frampton, 20, Private officer of a tight-knit family Christopher Kershaw, 19, regiment, I would like to Private Daniel Wade, 20, take this opportunity to Private Daniel Wilford, 21, pay tribute to my incrediall from 3rd Battalion The bly brave men, and to offer my deepest condolences Yorkshire Regiment. Lt Colonel Stenning said to their families, and to in his eulogy : “Barely 48 their many friends.’’

Pimple spotlight to help yob control TEENAGE yobs are to be shamed off the streets with lamps that show up their PIMPLES. The acne lights give off a pink glow that exaggerates any spots or blemishes on people's faces. Council bosses are hoping the devices — mainly used by beauticians — will slash the number of youths loitering in an area of Cardiff blighted by anti-social behaviour. Neil McEvoy, who represents the Fairwater district, said: "It would be very much for areas of anti-social behaviour and where younger people tend to congregate. "I know when I was that age I would have been put off if blemishes on my face were shown up — I am pleased that the police are being proactive."

The Sun But the lights have been criticised by the National Youth Agency. Development officer Peta Halls said: "Anything that aims to embarrass people out of an area is not on. "Why waste limited resources on something which moves all young people out of an area? They will move on to somewhere else." The acne lights are the latest in a range of creative measures used by councils and the police to stop anti-social behaviour. The lights follow the infamous Mosquito alarm which first hit the headlines in 2005 for using an annoying ultra-high tone, audible only to people aged under 25.

Mum invents ten kids to get cash

Sarah Jane Smith

A LYING mum who claimed £42,000 in benefits turned out to have INVENTED ten fictitious children. Sarah Jane Smith, 41, also pretended her two real kids were severely disabled to justify claiming child tax credits. She even falsely claimed SHE was disabled. Divorcee Smith admitted fraud but was spared jail by a judge this week. The staggering case proves the need for The Sun's Beat The Cheat campaign to tackle benefit fraud — which costs taxpayers £1.2billion a year. Mike O'Grady, assistant director of HM

The Sun

Revenue and Customs criminal investigation department, said: "This fraud was a cynical and calculated attack on the tax credits system. "Sarah Jane Smith lied about her circumstances time and time again, knowing full well that this would increase the amount of money she received." Smith's claims spanned a six-year period between 2005 and 2010. Britain has an estimated 50,000 benefit cheats.

begged son-in-law Assad to change Daily Express

There are rumours that she is being kept under virtual house arrest in Damascus by the president’s henchmen who fear she might attempt to leave the country – a move that would severely damage the regime. Dr Akhras refuses to discuss the worse-

ning situation in public, but he has told friends in the British Syrian Society he is now in an “impossible position”, caught between family loyalty and worldwide condemnation of the increasing brutality of his son-in-law’s regime. The doctor has been telling friends he fears his daughter may be harmed if or when the regime falls. Former investment banker Asma went

to primary school in Ealing, west London, where she was known as Emma. She graduated from King’s College London in 1996 with a degree in computer science. She still has a British passport. Her father is desperate for her to return to London with his three grandchildren. Syrian-born Dr Akhras, who also practises at the private Cromwell Hospital in

Earl’s Court, is concerned for his own safety and that of his wife Sahar, fearing the possibility of revenge attacks from Syrians who have had relatives murdered or tortured by Assad’s army. The couple have left their terraced house in Acton for a secret address after angry pro-democratic protesters pushed over the wall of their front garden.

Friday, March 9, 2012

THE HEADLINES IN

RECORD DRY BRINGS FIRE AND DROUGHT Publico

El Pais

AFTER the driest winter in 70 years, drought and bush fires have come early to Spain this year. Fires have already swept across 400 hectares in the wooded north western region of Galicia, and near the Galician village of Brocos, the Portodemouros reservoir has visibly shrunk and egg-shell cracks have appeared in the mud. Agriculture minister Miguel Aras Canete described the drought as “spectacularly intense in some territories. “The water reserves are not at alarming levels, but we are beginning to have a lot of forest fires.” Spain emerged from its usual choking summer last year gasping for rain, but over the past three winter months, the country has had average precipitation of just 55 litres per square metre, far below the average of 200 litres. “December, January and February have been the driest since at least the 1940s,” state weather service spokesperson Angel Rivera said. “Previously the driest winter had been in 1980-81,” Rivera added. “Then it rained 30 litres more per square metre than now.” The latest official drought report on February 22 said Spain’s reservoirs were only two-thirds full, meaning less water for the fields where crops grow and animals graze. "Leafy plants, vegetables and cereals are suffering the most," said Gregorio Juarez, a spokesperson for the young farmer's association ASAJA, warning that olives, vines and almonds may be next.

New look at train bomb evidence

Portodemouros reservoir shows the effects of Spain's driest winter in 70 years

REAWAKENING conspiracy allegations fostered by some in the governing Popular Party (PP), Attorney General Eduardo Torres Dulce announced on Friday that he was ordering investigators to look at wreckage from one of the commuter trains bombed during the March 11, 2004 terrorist attacks in Madrid and recently found stored away in a train yard. Torres Dulce said that he took the initiative because he wants to be sure there was no obstruction of justice committed by someone who may have kept the railcar wreckage hidden during the exhaustive inquiry. The attorney general said he was acting on information from the conservative website Libertad Digital. The move was welcomed by the president of the Victims of Terrorism Association (AVT) Angeles Pedraza. supplier of cannabis in “I want to make it clear that Europe. The mayor already our aim is not to blame anyhas plans to expand the one else in the attack but we drugs industry in the town need to rule out all possibiliwith “five or six more proj- ties, and everyone who was ects in the wings”. involved should have to pay They include supplying for what happened that day,” seeds to Spain’s so-called Pedraza said. grow shops, which are Conservative sectors, allowed to sell cannabis including some in the ruling seeds to people wishing to PP, have long believed in a grow their own plants. conspiracy theory, originally A second cannabis club pushed by El Mundo newspawith 7,000 members is also per, that ETA — not Islamic in talks with the town, and extremists — was behind the an alternative clinic for attack. people with cancer is being The PP has alleged that studied. some investigators linked to However, Rasquera faces the Socialists allegedly cova legal challenge as ered up evidence pointing to Tarragona’s district attor- ETA, which helped the party ney’s office says it could win the general elections have criminal conse- three days later by drumming quences for town officials. up anti-Iraq war sentiment.

Smoking plan to bust debt as mayor says yes to drugs

A TINY Spanish country town has found an unusual way to make the economic crisis disappear in a puff of smoke - by turning town-hall land into a marijuana plantation. Rasquera in Catalonia last week decided to sign a €1.3m (£1.1m) agreement with a cannabis association in nearby Barcelona to plant marijuana on a six-hectare site. Mayor Bernat Pellisa (pictured left) claims the leasing of the land for cannabis cultivation does not break drug laws as the produce would only be available to club members and so is grown for private use – allowed under Spanish law. “This is a chance to bring in money and create jobs,” explained Pellisa. He added that the deal would allow the town hall to pay off its €1.3m cess debt in just two years. during the selection pro The Barcelona Personal ite ad our entry La Verd and seems to be the fav SPAIN has chosen its Use Cannabis Association . ans n rof isio among the Eu for this year’s Eurov test. l go (ABCDA) has agreed to pay The Spanish entry wil is try en Song Contest. g nin win e rd the town €650,000 a year Th wa Jed h wit s d wa lad head to hea The artist, Pastora, lbert for the right to grow its édate Conmigo, a bal ge Qu En d s an wa d lan and Ire E selected by TV power that has for annual supply there. songs with a lot of mperdink for the UK. offered four different number one Hu g The deal would turn the kin ran n bee con 26 y to sing at the Ma town into the biggest legal

in a p S s it u s d a ll a b n io Eurovis

Friday, March 9, 2012

SPAIN THIS WEEK

Euro wind blows for a surfing fiesta at Mar Menor THE Mar Menor will be the location for the European Windsurfing Championships from October 21 to 27, reports La Opinion. The heart of the competition will be Los Alcazares, and some of the best windsurfers in Europe will be taking part. Los Alcazares Mayor Anastasio Bastida unveiled the news last week, together with the Murcian Windsurfers president, Pedro Roman, and his International Windsurfers counterpart Cery Williams. The event will consist of several categories junior, under 15, under 17 and master, for both female and male competitions. Cery Williams commented that Murcia had been chosen as the European headquarters due to its climate, good communication and excellent wind conditions, as well as the perfect waters of the Mar Menor. The majority of the participants will be aged between 12 and 17.

Smog screen fails to hide pollution

Patched-up matador’s comeback is Juan in eye for bull

El Pais

La Verdad

Polluted: Madrid exceeds EU limits

MADRID 2020, the capital’s Olympic bid project, claims to comply with “all the pollution control levels established by legislation currently in effect in Spain and the European Union.” But this is not true. The city’s nitrogen dioxide NO2 — particles emitted mostly by motor vehicle exhausts, particularly from diesel engines — routinely surpasses European Union limits. In January, 24 stations scattered across Madrid recorded an NO2 average of 59 micrograms per cubic metre, higher than the annual European limit of 40. At the request of the International Olympic Committee (IOC), the candidacy revealed air pollution levels in Madrid, Barcelona, Córdoba, Málaga, Valencia, Valladolid and Zaragoza. These numbers show that Madrid should ask for a five-year moratorium in order to comply with the target levels, but so far has not done so. Instead, Madrid is to pass an air-quality plan aimed at reducing emission levels within EU bounds in that space of time. The city is also promising to have all public transport running on clean energy by 2020 — as pledged in 2008 by then-mayor Alberto Ruiz-Gallardón and his environment commissioner, Ana Botella. Since then, Botella has become

mayor. But Botella’s past environmental record has been a matter of public debate for years. The wife of former conservative prime minister José María Aznar had her first dispute with the environmentalists in early 2008, when she blamed “the African dust” for pollution in the city, apparently forgetting that 80 per cent of the city’s pollution comes from NO2 from vehicle exhausts, not the Sahara desert. Environmentalists called her “ignorant” and she was even rebuked by the environment minister.

AGED BOATS DECKED OUT

La Opinion

A GROUP of keen sailors have restored a number of Latin sailing boats, some of them around 100 years old. Under the banner the Mar Menor Association of Latin Sail Boats, the group aims to keep the tradition of Latin sailing boats alive. The boats are completely at home in the still waters of the Mar Menor, and it is hoped they will draw more tourists to the region.

There are only a few marine carpenters left on the shores of the salt lake, and in a bid to stop the trade becoming extinct a workshop for schoolchildren has been

suggested. The association has managed to restore 15 boats, which participate in races and competitions. In the past these vessels were used for fishing.

Spanish students escape Polish train crash carnage SIXTEEN Spanish students survived the horrific train crash in Poland last Saturday. The accident outside the town of Szczekociny, north of Krakow, was the worst in Poland in more

than 20 years. The trains were carrying around 350 people when the head-on smash occurred shortly after 9pm on Saturday. Fourteen people were killed and at least 54 pas-

sengers were injured, many seriously. The Spanish students were understandably shaken and shocked after the accident, but extremely grateful to be alive and unharmed.

A BULLFIGHTER who lost an eye and suffered facial paralysis in an horrific goring five months ago returned to the bullring on Sunday. Wearing an eye patch, Juan Jose Padilla appeared in front of a packed crowd after declaring he had to fight again “to win, to triumph, to be a better man”. On October 8, a bull’s horn ripped into Padilla’s face causing his left eyeball to protrude as spectators screamed in horror. Padilla’s face gushed blood and he was heard shouting “I can’t see, I can’t see anything”, as assistants rushed to distract the bull. Despite horrifying injuries, Padilla always believed he would return to the ring – even as family and friends doubted it. A capacity crowd of 5,400 watched in the historic bullring of Olivenza as Padilla faced a bull again for the first time, showing no fear despite having the vision of only one eye. Padilla had little trouble killing his first bull before dedicating the second beast to his tearful father, who embraced his son after the kill. After slaying his final bull, Padilla was carried out of the ring on the shoulders of fellow bullfighters. Partying was expected to continue into the night.

Friday, March 9,16, 2012 Friday, December 2011

The wildest Ferraris

Ferrari has released details of its fastest ever road car, the F12 berlinetta. We take a look back at some of the other wilder Ferrari products that make the F12 look a bit tame. There's a whole raft of tuning companies out there happy to stamp their mark on Maranello's finest, for better or worse, and these are some of the wildest from the past half-century. 575 BY EDO COMPETITION Ferrari didn't build a fully open 575, but Edo Competition is happy to - and when you look at the lines of this rather tasty beast it's hard to see why there was never a factory convertible. And while Edo is at it, the V12 gets a boost to 611bhp. Yes please.

ENZO BY GEMBALLA One of the most fascinating Gemballa projects is the MIG U1, no doubt named after a fighter jet rather than a welding machine. Using the Ferrari Enzo as its base, Gemballa

F430 BY HAMANN

offered 25 examples of this hypercar - bearing in mind that just 400 cars rolled out of the Maranello gates in the first place.

BERTONE 308 GT RAINBOW

Hamann calls this the Black Miracle, which seems like something of an overstatement to us. Especially as it's basically just an F430 Spider with matt black paintwork and beetle-wing doors. OK, so there's a 50bhp power boost and some 20-inch alloys too, but a miracle? We think not.

Ferrari was on a roll in the 1970s, with some great-looking cars, although the Bertone-penned 308 GT4 wasn't really one of them. It definitely wasn't one of them by the time Bertone had butchered one further in a bid to create the 308 GT Rainbow, which consisted solely of straight lines and hard edges. Yuk.

You'd be hard-pressed to successfully argue that the Testarossa was especially attractive - and by the time Zagato had got its mitts on one, to create the Formula Zagato 93, you'd be on very shaky ground. Amazing to think

ZAGATO FZ93

Aston Martin One-77 ‘sold out’

Aston Martin sold its final One-77 last Wednesday and the buyer was someone in England “who paid full price,” Aston Martin CEO Dr. Ulrich Bez has revealed at the Geneva Motor Show. Describing the One-77 as a “profitable project”, the lessons it taught Aston Martin in developing new technology and features will now be applied to the firm’s more mainstream models – with the limited edition V12 Zagato being the first example of this. Launched at the Geneva show, the V12 Zagato is built on the same exclusive production line as the One-77 and is a sister car to the original Aston Martin DB4GT Zagato which celebrates 50 years this year. Despite a list price of almost £400,000, Aston Martin has started to collect orders for the new car, revealed Dr. Bez. Perhaps referencing some of the more challenging Zagato designs of the past, Dr. Bez said the styling of the new V12 Zagato is “optimistic and dynamic, but not radical.” Aston Martin, he added, is a company that

should excel in content, concept and execution. It should not chase fashion and trends but evolve what it has in a considered way. “Evolution develops better solutions than revolution.”

ASTON MARTIN ANNIVERSARY

The Geneva Motor Show marked five years since the contract was signed that created the new independent Aston Martin company, after years of Ford ownership. With Ford’s help, Aston Martin has evolved from “a local English brand into a global cool brand. “We have built 59,000 cars in our lifetime, and 43,000 cars since 2000. Since becoming independent, we have built 24,500 cars – over half the cars built since 2000. “Despite the economic downturn, we have been able to sell three times as many cars as in 25 years of ownership under (famous Aston Martin company owner and creator of the ‘DB’ moniker) David Brown.”

Friday, March 9, 2012

599GTO BY NOVITEC ROSSO

that Ercole Spada was responsible for designing this and the gorgeous Aston DB4 GT Zagato.

458 BY MANSORY

There are some cars that you'd assume would be sacred territory. After all, what sane person would feel that the 500GTO is somehow lacking? Well the guys at Novitec did; they not only boosted the engine's output from 670bhp to a ludicrous 888, but they also gave it a lairy paint scheme.

250GT BREADVAN

The word 'understated' isn't in Mansory's dictionary; it knows only 'OTT' and 'massively OTT'. Which one applies to the company's 458, otherwise known as the Syracusa, we'll leave up to you. Power is boosted to 590bhp and the visuals are turned up to 11; this isn't a car for shrinking violets.

360 MODENA LIMOUSINE

The 250GT SWB is arguably the most beautiful Ferrari ever created, so chopping one about will never result in something better looking. But when Count Giovanni Volpi was refused one of the new 250GTOs in 1962, he created his own racer, based on a 1961 250GT SWB - the now-legendary 'Breadvan'.

ZAGATO 3Z If the FZ93 was a travesty, it was nothing compared with the 3Z, which started out as a 1961 250GT SWB California Spyder. In 1969 the car was bought by Luigi Chinetti, who commissioned Zagato to rebody it for him. For the princely sum of $5,000, they turned it into this; some people have too much money.

Now here's one that got Ferrari seriously hot under the collar; it's threatened to sue the builder of this stretched 360, because the guys from Maranello claim as a result, this is no longer a Ferrari. Either way, it'll seat eight and can top 160mph.

Chevrolet Car of the Year surprise

Chevrolet Europe President and Managing Director Susan Doherty has revealed winning the European Car of the Year title for the Volt extended-range electric vehicle was a genuine surprise. Describing the announcement of the prize, which was made in a ceremony on the eve of the Geneva Motor Show, Doherty said it only dawned on Chevrolet management that they were in with a chance as scores from judged in the final three countries were revealed. “We thought, ‘wow, we can win this!’,” said Doherty. “It didn’t dawn on us until the second to last country was announced – but we then saw the points spread was so significant, we’d already won the prize.” The award, shared with Vauxhall for the Ampera, is a “big deal” for Chevrolet. “It is incredible to win and will help us communicate the strengths of the Volt. “This is our moon shot car, a real game-

changer. Now it is up to our team to communicate the award and the benefits of the Volt itself.”

CHEVROLET ON THE UP

Chevrolet is a brand on the up in Europe, despite still being largely unknown by car buyers, said Doherty. “Our unprompted awareness in Europe – those who know us without being promoted with clues – ranges between two to 10 per cent. We have a long way to go in Europe here. “Car of the Year will help this. Even if people aren’t interested in the car, they will be more aware that something is going on with the brand. The fact motoring journalists have voted for our car also helps our credibility.” Chevrolet currently commands a 1 per cent market share in Europe but this figure, reveals Doherty, was limited last year due to supply-led issues caused by the Japanese Tsunami. Full supply of diesel engines was only restored in December 2011. Since then, Chevrolet’s sales increase has been striking: January sales were up 123 per cent and February sales were up 53 per cent. “If you can get the right powertrain,” said Doherty, “magic happens.”

Friday, March 9, 2012

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 16 represents R and 14 represents D, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Switch sides (6) 4 End (6) 9 Speak haltingly (7) 10 Once more (5) 11 Spiny shrub (5) 12 Infertile (7) 13 Loud buzzing blowflies (11) 18 Half man and half horse (7) 20 Change (5) 22 Choose (5) 23 Live together (7) 24 Catchword (6) 25 Bread shop (6)

Down 1 Blueprint (6) 2 Natural talent (5) 3 Vie (7) 5 Hopping mad (5) 6 Conceive of (7) 7 Obstruct (6) 8 Gentry (11) 14 Lamp (7) 15 Windpipe (7) 16 Sharp piercing cry (6) 17 Attractive (6) 19 In pursuit of (5) 21 Piece of furniture (5)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Bevy, 3 Carousel, 9 Surpass, 10 Dregs, 11 Insufficient, 13 Casual, 15 Sermon, 17 Trick or treat, 20 Chaos, 21 Galleon, 22 Nitrogen, 23 Byte. Down: 1 Besmirch, 2 Virus, 4 Assail, 5 Old wives’ tale, 6 Sternum, 7 Lush, 8 San Francisco, 12 Instance, 14 Servant, 16 Tongue, 18 Enemy, 19 Icon.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Plunge into a honkytonk (4) 3 Climber supports a broken down tool-shed (8) 9 Bounced back and practiced tennis (7) 10 Burn a version of a city (5) 11/5 Digs at the shore? (5,5) 12 Warnings to a careless slater (6) 14 Cut out for this type of duty? (6) 16 Oddly set about love for hi-fi (6) 19 Be top of the class or I'll cut you off! (6) 21 The doctor and the little dog clean the floor (3,2) 24 A Spanish friend is a reformed egomaniac without acne (5) 25 Give a right to me caught in the middle of a decayed stinging plant (7) 26 Begs for rent revision and grub (8) 27 Water down leggings (4)

Down 1 Bad rules about longlasting consumer items (8) 2 Country house covered in bougainvillaea (5) 4 Terrible experience or conduct (6) 5 See 11 Across 6 A cocktail perhaps to bolster some seafood (7) 7 Did a number in Los Angeles (4) 8 Recesses since hospital reorganisation (6) 13 The whole lot are finished (8) 15 Revolutionary Frenchman is end product of a scientist (7) 17 Lures the wrong politician in test (6) 18 Most peculiar part of Hollywood destination (6) 20 Gradually remove the ruler's poem (5) 22 The Irishman I love for the terrace (5) 23 Receipts for chopped up teak (4)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Hardy consumer goods (8) 2 Luxurious country house (5) 4 Trial (6) 5 Building (5) 6 Shellfish (7) 7 Vocalised (4) 8 Recesses (6) 13 Finish (8) 15 Pharmacist (7) 17 Entices (6) 18 Most peculiar (6) 20 Wear away (5) 22 Courtyard (5) 23 Seize (4)

Across 1 Plunge (4) 3 Footings (8) 9 Recovered (7) 10 Metropolitan (5) 11 Shore (5) 12 Danger warnings (6) 14 Obligation (6) 16 Two-channel (6) 19 Decapitate (6) 21 Finish off (3,2) 24 Friend (5) 25 Authorise (7) 26 Implores (8) 27 Tubing (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 7 Menace, 8 Operas, 9 Rage, 10 Elements, 11 Delayed, 13 Cameo, 15 Great, 17 Pimento, 20 Relegate, 21 Span, 22 Retire, 23 Claret. Down: 1 Sewage, 2 Rare, 3 Revered, 4 Comet, 5 Generate, 6 Battle, 12 Academic, 14 Silence, 16 Reeled, 18 Trader, 19 Raven, 21 Scab.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

Ice 2 letter words Ken As Lea At Mad 3 letter words Nae Ace Oak Ale Ore Ape Ray Are Rye Art Sap Ash Sea Asp Tar Coo Tea Ear Tie Ego Urn Eke Via Eve Yam Her 4 letter words His Acre Hoe

Anew Area Aria Cola Dole Each Else Ergo Fees Floe Hear Heed Hero Keel Knit Leaf Neem Pore Rant

Sham Shed Soak Soon Weak Yeah 5 letter words Early Inert Ketch Safes 6 letter words Dahlia Rhythm Scheme Season 7 letter words Arrears Assured

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Ducklings (7) 5 To owe (5) 8 To tighten (belt, shoes) (7) 9 Never (not ever) (5) 10 Bee (5) 11 Enemy (7) 12 Cocinas (aparatos) (6) 14 Galletas de Barquillo (6) 17 Delay (hold up) (7) 19 Sapos (5) 22 Vivo (5) 23 Trapecio (7) 24 Floor (5) 25 Naciones (7)

Down 1 Silver (made of silver) (5) 2 Tower (of castle) (5) 3 Tattoo (on body) (7) 4 Pantalla (of television, computer, in cinema, for slides) (6) 5 Where (5) 6 Hoguera (fogata) (7) 7 Razones (facultades) (7) 12 Arroyos (riachuelos) (7) 13 Fuera (7) 15 Atraer (7) 16 Algodón (material) (6) 18 Holly (5) 20 Fir tree (5) 21 Semillas (botánica) (5)

Friday, March 9, 2012 Across 1 See 6 Down 7 What name is given to a one-masted sailing boat with a mainsail and jib rigged fore and aft? (5) 8 Which black American singer and actress, who first came to fame in the 1940s, won the 1958 New York Drama Critics’ Poll Award for her performance in the musical Jamaica? (4,5) 9 Sn is the chemical symbol for which silvery-white metal? (3) 10 In Homeric legend, what was the name of the city of King Priam that was besieged for 10 years by the Greeks? (4) 11 In which major battle of the English Civil War (1645) was the Royalist army of Prince Rupert and King Charles I defeated by the New Model Army under General Fairfax and Oliver Cromwell? (6) 13 What is the name of the official who sings liturgical music and leads prayer in a synagogue? (6) 14 What is the name of the metal ball of about 7 kg attached to a wire used for throwing in an athletic contest? (6) 17 What is the surname of the 19th century French composer, conductor, and organist who is best known for his opera Faust? (6) 18 See 17 Down 20 What name is given to the seed-bearing head or spike of a cereal plant? (3) 22 Which personification of Britain is usually depicted as a helmeted woman with shield and trident? (9) 23 In entomology what name is given to the final and fully developed adult stage of an insect, typically winged? (5) 24 In Greek mythology what was the name of the king of Sparta, husband of Helen and brother of Agamemnon? (8) Down 1 Which group topped the British singles chart in 1975 with

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

January? (5) 2 Which port in the Irrawaddy delta is the capital of Myanmar (Burma)? (7) 3 In Greek mythology which nymph was deprived of speech by Hera in order to stop her chatter, and left able only to repeat

what others had said? (4) 4 Which adjective means ‘of or relating to a cavity or chamber in the body, especially one of the upper chambers of the heart’? (6) 5 By what nickname was the British field marshal, Bernard Law Montgomery, First Viscount Montgomery of Alamein usually known? (5) 6/1A What was the name of the British prime minister who was shot dead in the lobby of the House of Commons in 1812 by a bankrupt merchant who blamed the government for his insolvency? (7,8) 7 Dakar is the capital of which republic in north-western Africa on the coast of the Atlantic? (7) 12 Which scruffy Los Angeles police detective was played on television by actor Peter Falk? (7) 13 From the Old French for ‘cottager’, what name is given to a small, often select, group of people who associate with one another frequently? (7) 15 First discovered in 1948, which satellite of Uranus is named after the daughter of Prospero in Shakespeare’s The Tempest? (7) 16 What name is given to the part of a woman’s dress (excluding sleeves) that is above the waist? (6) 17/18 What name was given to the northward migration, between 1835 and 1837 of large numbers of Boers, discontented with British rule in the Cape, to the areas where they eventually founded the Transvaal Republic and Orange Free State? (5,4) 19 What was the surname of the 19th century English romantic poet whose works include La Belle Dame sans Merci, Ode to a Nightingale and Ode on a Grecian Urn? (5) 21 What was the usual nickname of the American baseball player George Herman Ruth? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Caracteristicas negativas - negative characteristics Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

science QUIZ 1. Who Was The First Director Of The Atomic Lab At Los Alamos New Mexico? 2. what are the moufflon & bighorn? 3. What programmable device did J. M. Jacquart invent in 1804? 4. What Part Of A Car Engine Mixes Fuel With Air? 5. What Can Babies Do That Adults Cannot? 6. What Is The Soft Spot On A Babies Head Known As? 7. In The 19th Century Who Was The Railway King? 8. Are Sunspots The Hottest Or Coolest Regions Of The Suns Surface? 9. What Is The Most Common Colour Of A Great Dane? 10. What Function Does The Labyrinth In Your Ear Have? 11. What Is A Marmoset? 12. What did British engineer Christopher Cockrell invent in 1953? 13. In Which Constellation Are The Stars Castor & Pollux? 1. J Robert Oppenheimer 2. sheep 3. Loom (programmed punch cards) 4. The Carburettor 5. Breathe And Swallow At The Same Time 6. The Fontanelle 7. The Financier George Hudson 8. Coolest 9. Fawn 10. It Maintains Your Balance 11. A Monkey 12. The Hovercraft 13. Gemini

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 1 Laburnum, 7 Braun, 8 Cartilage, 9/7D/20 Tim Berners-Lee, 10 Eddy, 11 Quince, 13 Renoir, 14 Brahms, 17 Loofah, 18 Grub, 22 Holocaust, 23 Doily, 24 Estragon. Down: 1 Lucre, 2 Borodin, 3 Rein, 4 Uranus, 5 Dante, 6 Animals, 12 Timothy, 13 Roulade, 15 Hornung, 16 Dallas, 17 Lenin, 19 Baton, 21 Scar.

15.torpe, 16.vago,17.fantasioso, 18.introvertido, 19.apatico, 20.malevolo a.stingy, b.malicious, c.hatred, d.idiot, e.apathetic, f.disdain, g.scared, h.envious,

OK K ON F K MX P OOMV D CS A OV OA T A S DI A CE S DONDL V NOI X GL B S U X H I GT I MT R OD E GP R Z M E D M S R WA P K V WR B I NB B I E V Z A S E OHE T I OE HV V V K S A I L V C OS C C OF C N OMT N OJ I B I S RV V V V E CS L NS O L F T I NS E GURI DA DO P N T C N Z R D F X MT K T D I ME Z QU I N OGI GA A I E OS OD E I MI GS QT P O OS ORE UQS A T E RCOA S C N C T R S R P U P WI Y H Soduko

Span - Eng

i.shy, j.introverted, k.pessimistic, l.gossipy, m.insecure, n.bad-tempered, o.stubborn, p.abrupt, q.disgusting, r.lazy, s.show-off, t.clumsy. Answers: 1c, 2f, 3m, 4n, 5q, 6p, 7l, 8i, 9h, 10d, 11a, 12g, 13k, 14o, 15t, 16r, 17s, 18j, 19e. 20b.

1.odio, 2.desprecio, 3.inseguridad, 4.mal genio, 5.asqueroso, 6.brusco, 7.chismoso, 8.timido, 9. envidioso, 10.imbecil, 11.mezquino, 12.miedoso, 13.pesimista, 14.terco,

APATICO

MALEVOLO

ASQUEROSO

MAL-GENIO

BRUSCO

MEZQUINO

CHISMOSO

MIEDOSO

DESPRECIO

ODIO

ENVIDIOSO

PESIMISTA

FANTASIOSO

TERCO

IMBECIL

TIMIDO

INSEGURIDAD

TORPE

INTROVERTIDO

VAGO

Quizword

Fill It In

Friday, March 9, 2012

Horoscopes By Pandora

Aries March 21 - April 19 No-one likes to be told they have VD, which is why, as a doctor, you are ecstatic whenever you have the opportunity to ruin someone's day. In biscuits one can find sweet, sweet redemption. Especially when soaked in Rum.

Boyfriend Troubles Hello Rose. I am 22. My boyfriend is 28. I am his first real girlfriend. He has been with other women but never full blown relationships. I understand that this is his first experience of a girlfriend and I try hard to accept that he will not get things right away. It is hard for him to talk about his feelings and he keeps himself to himself. I try to find out about his past life and I get short answers. I know he isn't hiding anything horrible, his mum is like an open book about their life and his. I just wish I could hear things from his mouth and not hers. He likes his space, which is fine. I like mine too. But it is horrible to know that he would rather be on his own more often than be with me. It’s even worse to think that he will never really love me. I know that we could be happy if he would just bring some walls down. When we are together its bliss. JENNY El raso Hello Jenny. Start by asking simple open questions that he can't say yes or no to, like what's your favourite colour and why. What animals do you like and why? In time build up to more important stuff. He may have trust issues or be like he is because he feels his mum tells people too much give him time and praise him and say what a great time you enjoyed with him on days he opens up.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Many things that people say over the coming days will appear nonsensical, but may start to make sense towards the end of the week. Dance like a madman, win the respect of colleagues and foes. You can test yourself today by attempting to abstain from gratuitous sex or violence.

Gemini May 21 - June 20

If you have a problem Romany Rose can help you with, email her at office@thecourier.es

Work Decisions

even a house in a couple of years. I know it is the right thing to do, but I can't help but just feel that it's really not what I want. I am torn with my decision please help! RIA La Mata Hello Ria. Can you realistically go abroad? Do you have the money, travel companion, a job when you get a broad, a place to stay?? Basically if your plans are just a dream at this stage take the job and start saving and -planning. Sometimes the future pans out differently than we expect so by the time you decide to go abroad it could be better or you may decide it isn't what you even want or you meet a guy and change your mind

Hello Rose. I have been at my job for the last 18 month and am coming to the end of my contract. My work is now telling me that they want me to fill a permanent position (which would be a promotion and more money). Everyone I have spoken to is telling me that I should go for it, and people at work are telling me I'd be stupid not too. I know the current job situation is not a good one, but I have always wanted to go abroad. I don't particularly enjoy my job or get on with the people I work with, but I don't want to let people down or people to be disappointed with me if I don't decide to stay. I am worried however, if I do leave and go abroad like I want will I ever get a Hello Rose. I've been chance like this again - to work for a good organisa- with my boyfriend for 1 tion with good prospects. month. Last night he said to If I stayed I could afford a car, to move out maybe me his ex-girlfriend was 6

Boyfriend lied to me

months pregnant with his baby. I asked him how long he's known and he said 4/5 months. So why didn't he tell me from the start. He said she wants to keep it but he left her because he had doubts it was his. But he says they have had a DNA test and it’s his but I couldn't do a DNA test until the baby is born so is he lying? Please help, I don't know what to do now. ANITA San Miguel Hello Anita. You can actually have a baby DNA tested whilst pregnant (just google it you'll find various tests) He probably didn't tell you at the start as you would have been unlikely to get involved with him? Their relationship sounds over if he had to question the child's paternity. I don't think he's lied and he's telling you now because he obviously feels you're "together" enough. You need to work out if he and your relationship is worth the stress this is causing you? Good luck, look after your needs first.

Mancebo and me From Page 16

consider the immediate consequences of my resignation. The day after, despite a statement by the Mayor that my responsibilities would be taken over by him, Pedro Mancebo announced that he would assume responsibilities for the coast. This arrogant and unconstitutional assertion was rejected by the Socialist Party and on Monday, 27 February, the Mayor issued a formal Decree by which he not only took over my responsibilities but at the same time removed Pedro Mancebo’s responsibilities for coordinating services with the coast. These events and the furore which they provoked between CLR and the other parties in the government are amply recorded in the Spanish media for all to see and, of course, the Mayor’s Decree is a public document. I have for long been convinced that

Pedro Mancebo and the CLR party are determined for reasons of their political survival to secure the votes of Orihuela Costa. They had the chance, after last year’s local elections, to continue to work collaboratively with CLARO, which has a much longer presence on the coast and much stronger support. They chose otherwise and have systematically sought to undermine and discredit the CLARO team when it was in office and to seek to manipulate individuals in our party. They wanted to secure the votes of the coast for themselves and CLARO was in the way. In relation to CLR political motives, it would also be interesting for Mr. McPhail to consider the current speculation in the Informacion newspaper, which is close to the Socialist Party. According to this speculation, Pedro Mancebo’s real ambition is to become Mayor of Orihuela. He has no interest

in the future of the present, mainly centre-left government and he and his CLR centre-right colleagues would offer to form a grand coalition with the Popular Party, which would have a large majority, if only Monica Lorente, the present PP leader, would step aside and allow him to head this coalition and become Mayor. This is not the first time there has been such speculation and it was quite widely believed at the time that during Pedro Mancebo’s three weeks in the wilderness, after voting for the Green party Mayor and before joining the government in July, he was pursuing this same objective - the downfall of Monica Lorente and a grand CLR-PP coalition with Pedro Mancebo as Mayor. We live in interesting times Mr. McPhail, more interesting than you think. BOB HOULISTON

Weird is not a word you'd normally associate with your behaviour. That's because you're completely normal and sane and don't give a dog's dooberie about having fun. If you lose money today you can be assured that the nature of human kindness will mean you never see it again.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 The re-animation of dead tissue may become an issue for you later this month. Sleep deprevation can affect you negatively today, so ensure you murder all the dogs in your area for a guaranteed good night's kip. Parts of you are pleased that you are to become single once again. Mostly the groinal parts.

Leo July 23 - August 22 The sounds of fairies in your head are brought on by the alcohol. It may be time to stop drinking this week. You will get an important phone call today, but you won't be able to find a pen to write down the message.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Google is about to take over your life - play responsibly. You are trapped in a cave with a panther and a sound system playing Michael Bolton's greatest hits. What do you do? Always think "Take the easy way out". You won't go wrong.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Your appetites may increase today as the doctors finally remove the scissors they left inside you during your last operation. If you don't wear glasses now, the chances are that you're going to need to after an upcoming sports accident.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 The best way to fool a man into giving away a biscuit is to let him know that you know where it's been. Don't give any details, just let it casually be known that you "know where it's been". How is this relevant to you today? You'll see. You and biscuits are going to be inseparable.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 It's never too late to accept that you're a complete fraud. Your itchy nose will soon be gone after you suffer a week of agonising hell locked in a pepper cupboard with a straitjacket. All the best plans go awry, so please make sure you're ready for any surprises.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Any beer consumed tonight may come back to haunt you, possibly in the form of a dead comedian or Max Bygraves. Your appetites for love are not dampened by the loss of a limb...but your partner's might be. This horoscope may destruct in 10 seconds.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Homeless people may wander up to you today and offer to buy the magazine you're holding. It may seem unrelated to your day so far, but remember: the world loves a git. Exercise may seem like a dirty word, but until you lose some weight fatty, it's the dirtiest word you're going to hear for a long time.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 It probably seems unreal right now, but you are likely to meet a long-lost relative over the coming month or so. You won't be hospitalised today, but things may not go as planned. Today might find you requiring a move of the left-hand and right-hand side speakers or earphones you use to listen to music.

Friday, March 9, 2012

TRELI ON THE TELLY Stars and gripes as Luck turns turkey GRAB a great cast of people like Dustin Hoffman, Nick Nolte and Michael Gambon. Get David Milch, who wrote Deadwood - the ground-breaking Western series starring Ian McShane - to do the script.

ic disappointment of the year so far. What a shame. In complete contrast, I’ll seriously miss Prisoners’ Wives on Tuesday nights on BBC1. From a top-class first week, it has just got better and better as we got to know all the characters, and some of their secrets. It’s a great example of every cast member doing the business, and Then, for good measure, this surely has to come back add the top-rank talents of for a second series. Of movie director, Michael course, it cost just pennies to Mann, to call the shots behind the camera, and you incomprehensible, matching make compared to the disapsurely have a fine mix for a a plot that is difficult to follow. pointing Luck. Proof yet again that it really is all about new TV series about horse Both channels have racing and gambling called screened three episodes so the script. But at least I can fill the Luck. far, and you really want it to Wrong. From the normally work because of all the effort void of the Wives by checkbrilliant American HBO chan- that has been made to get ing out Ted Danson’s debut nel, we have a turkey that’s this to the screen. I don’t in the new series of CSI this clucking its stuff on Canal have enough space to try to Tuesday on Channel Five! You think you’ve seen it all, Plus and Sky Atlantic. It’s just outline the various plots to but we now have the sight of so slow and uninspiring, with you, but sadly this scores top Ann Widdecombe presenting the dialogue at times totally marks as the biggest dramata daily quiz show on Sky Atlantic called Cleverdick, and it actually is rather good. The questions are tough, but the contestants are very much rooted in taking part in quizzes for most of their spare time. Ann is very much no nonsense as the host, but I like that non-sugary approach as she reminds me of Rosa Klebb in the Bond film, From Russia with Love! Despite that, there’s still too much time taken up with getting inconsequential background information on the Luck: A contenders as the show is turkey strung out with ad breaks clucking to last an hour. That’s the its stuff only negative and I love

with ALEX TRELINSKI

THE Three Musketeers has seen several cinematic incarnations, the most popular of which was the brilliant 1973 version directed by Richard Lester. Anderson is no Lester, but he has both a sense of humour and a sense of adventure. He also has a capable cast that appears to be having the time of their lives. The familiar story finds D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) off to Paris to become a musketeer (like his father before him) and promptly running afoul of Captain Rochefort (Mads Mikklesen), right hand man to Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz) and all three of the titular muske-

Ann sneering and sniding at any question that has anything to do with popular culture, including her total derision for Lady Gaga! You have to feel sorry for ITV1. They’re contractually obliged to show a live Champions League match on a Wednesday night, even though there’s no English team playing. That means ratJeremy ings poison for the Paxman... commercial network, building a who this week had to new Empire screen Barcelona’s tie with Bayer Leverkusen. Not surprisingare, you’re about to be richly ly, BBC1 wiped the floor with rewarded with the last four their offerings of Waterloo episodes. I kept with the Road and Masterchef. Having studied the British series when Sky screened it Empire in my university days last year, despite getting over 30 years ago, I’ve been bored rigid with it after an glued to the new Jeremy excellent opening two hours. Paxman series, Empire, on Then it goes bang from BBC1. Paxo makes no episode eight next week as if bones about what he thinks the whole production team of British Imperialism, and had been prodded with a redsome of the dreadful things hot poker. The Fox network in the that were done in the name of Britain. Perhaps it’s a bit States is close to deciding simplistic at times and you whether or not to bring it probably need around 50 back for series two this instalments to do the story of autumn, and with big internathe Empire justice, but it is an tional sales, my money is on honest account of what the a return. But hopefully with history books chose to gloss the riot act being read to the over in the UK not all that writers to keep the standard long ago. high over the full 13 weeks. Are you still sticking with Oh dear! After a cracking the Spielberg exec-produced start to the new series of drama Terra Nova on Cuatro Benidorm, last Friday’s secon a Tuesday night? If you ond episode on ITV1 was

THE THREE MUSKETEERS 12 CAST: Logan Lerman, Milla Jovovich, Orlando Bloom, Ray Stevenson DIRECTOR: Paul W. S. Anderson GENRE: Action/Adventure RATING: 3.5/5 RUNNING TIME: 110 min. teers: Athos (Matthew McFayden), Aramis (Luke Evans) and Porthos (Ray Stevenson) who’ve just been humiliated by Milady, the Countess DeWinter (Milla Jovovic) and the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom). We get the ridiculously energetic four-againstforty fight sequence as the musketeers and D’Artagnan make the cardinal’s guard look like the

Keystone Kops; the duplicity of Milady; Richelieu’s plot to take over the official reign of France by showing Louis XIII (Freddie Fox) to be a fool – setting up a fake affair between his queen (Juno Temple) and Buckingham. And, lest we forget, the

curious romance between D’Artagnan and Constance (Gabriella Wilde), one of the queen’s ladies-inwaiting. Not to mention the musketeers’ bumbling servant, Planchet (James Cordon) – an oaf who comes through when he’s really needed, or Bloom going full-on ham as Buckingham. While the performances are a touch more than they

This dvd review was brought to you by MOVING MOVIES - OVER 7000 DVDS IN STOCK. Delivering all over Spain and the UK Visit www.movingmovies.biz Tel 650 944 934 or email movingmoviesdvds@gmail.com

need to be, they’re infused with a spirit of fun that is ingratiating. Jovovich and Stevenson, in particular, are highly entertaining to watch – and young Lerman shows some pretty spiffy dash. Overall, The Three Musketeers is a fun romp that will entertain and delight if you just sit back and let it happen.

awful. The script seemed like it had been rejected by an old Carry On film, and I felt sorry for Matthew Kelly being dragged into this, having established a fine reputation as a West End actor of quality. The only funny part of the hour was Madge’s confrontation with Kelly’s character, but despite the efforts of the cast, they just couldn’t manage to squeeze anything out of some poorly written and unfunny lines. Perhaps Adam Gillen, who plays the gormless Liam, should have a word with the writer, Derren Litten, about what it’s like to work with a top-class script, based on his experience in playing the jailed Gavin in the BBC’s Prisoners’ Wives.

The Courier Friday TV

March 9

00:35 This Week 01:25 Panorama 01:55 Countryfile 02:55 Accused 03:55 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 04:40 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Postcode Lottery 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Cowboy Trap 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Missing 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 I Want My Own Room 16:35 Lockie Leonard 16:55 OOglies 17:15 Deadly Art 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Room 101 22:00 New Tricks 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:20 The Tube 01:20 BBC News 01:30 HARDtalk 02:00 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:40 Close 05:00 L8R Youngers 2 06:00 How to Write 06:30 Simon Armitage, Writing Poems 07:00 Little Robots

07:10 Zigby 07:20 Garth and Bev 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:25 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Alphablocks 09:35 Abadas 09:45 Poetry Pie 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Guess with Jess 10:40 Harry and Toto's World of Opposites 10:45 Small Potatoes 10:50 Louie 10:55 Same Smile 11:10 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:15 64 Zoo Lane 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:15 On the Beat 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 My Life in Books 20:00 The Culture Show 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Melvyn Bragg on Class & Culture 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Take Me Out 01:40 ITV News Headlines 03:40 Tonight 04:05 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Safari Vet School 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Benidorm 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Lethal Weapon 3

THE SECRET POLICMANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S BALL 2012 A benefit concert from New York's Radio City Music Hall in aid of Amnesty International, celebrating the charity's 50th anniversary. The transatlantic line-up of performers includes Coldplay, Mumford & Sons, Jon Stewart, Russell Brand, Jimmy Carr, Sarah Silverman, Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets, Micky Flanagan, Jack Whitehall, Jason Sudeikis, Peter Serafinowicz, Seth Meyers, Noel Fielding, Kristen Wiig, Stephen Colbert and Reggie Watts.

00:05 Embarrassing Bodies 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Coppers 02:10 The World's Fattest Families and Me 03:05 Whatever Turns You On 03:10 The Bible: A History 04:05 Time Team 05:00 Reaper 05:45 90210 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 Freshly Squeezed 08:00 Live Athletics 13:15 Channel 4 News Summary 13:20 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:50 Carry On Teacher 15:30 Live Athletics 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 4thought.tv 20:35 Come Dine with Me 21:30 New Girl 22:00 The Bank Job 23:00 The Secret Policeman's Ball 2012

01:05 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Police Interceptors 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Dangerous Attraction 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Revealed 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Castle

The Courier Saturday TV

March 10

00:20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:30 The Peacemaker 02:25 Weatherview 02:30 Question Time 03:30 Bees, Butterflies and Blooms 04:30 Hairy Bikers' Best of British 05:15 BBC News 05:30 On the Road With 06:00 BBC News 06:30 Our World 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:35 Rachel Allen: Home Cooking 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Football Focus 14:00 Swimming 15:00 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 17:30 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 19:55 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:10 Let's Dance for Sport Relief 21:30 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 22:20 Casualty 23:10 BBC News; Weather 23:30 National Lottery Update

00:00 00:45 00:50 02:15 03:15 03:30 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:15

The Review Show Weather Tormented The Culture Show BBC News The Record Europe BBC News Click Newswatch BBC News Close

07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Garth and Bev 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab 08:30 Dennis and Gnasher 08:40 The Scooby-Doo Show 09:05 Pixelface 09:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 10:00 Ultimate Sports Day 10:30 Blue Peter 11:00 My Life 11:30 Trapped 12:00 Hacker Time 12:25 OOglies 12:40 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 The Sky at Night 13:40 In Search of the Castaways 15:15 The War Bride 17:00 Escape to the Country 17:30 Final Score 18:30 Flog It! 19:30 Dad's Army 20:00 The Story of Light Entertainment 21:00 The Story of Musicals 22:00 I'm a Pop Star! 23:00 TOTP2

01:45 ITV News Headlines 01:45 The Zone 03:50 National Lampoon's Animal House 05:35 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 12:20 This Morning: Saturday 13:30 Murder, She Wrote 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:39 Meridian Weather 14:40 Innerspace 16:55 Evan Almighty 18:35 Meridian News and Weather 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 All Star Family Fortunes 20:00 All New You've Been Framed! 20:30 Harry Hill's TV Burp 21:00 Take Me Out 22:00 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:00 ITV News and Weather 23:14 Meridian Weather 23:15 The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

01:00 03:00 03:05 03:30 03:55 04:10 04:50 05:35 06:20 07:05 07:10 07:35 08:00 09:00 10:00 11:30 12:00 12:55 13:25 13:50 14:25 14:55 17:05 17:25 17:30 18:00 18:35 19:00 19:35 20:05 21:00 22:00 23:30

Withnail & I Random Acts My Name Is Earl My Name Is Earl Hung Hung Reaper 90210 Countdown Sali Mali The Hoobs The Grid Live Athletics The Morning Line Live Athletics New Girl Charlie's Angels The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Simpsons The Simpsons Channel 4 Racing Channel 4 News 4thought.tv Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Come Dine with Me Come Date with Me Big Fat Gypsy Weddings The Bank Job Orphan

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT Action thriller sequel starring Lucas Black. To avoid jail for illegal street racing, a bad-boy teenager is sent to Japan to stay with his estranged father. However, his discovery of drifting, a new style of racing reliant on the use of the handbrake, soon gets him into more trouble.

00:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 00:55 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Motorsport Mundial 05:25 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:15 City of Friends 07:30 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:40 Castle Farm 07:45 Igam Ogam 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Family! 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 Mio Mao 08:45 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 11:00 Animal Rescue Squad 11:20 Police Interceptors 12:20 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 13:25 Madron 15:15 Blood Alley 17:30 The Green Berets 20:15 5 News Weekend 20:20 NCIS 21:15 NCIS 22:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:10 CSI: NY

PAVING THE WAY TO PERFECTION

PB PAVING SPAIN supply pattern imprinted concrete, the ultimate in concrete design, to customers all along the coast from Moraira to the Costa Calida and inland as far as Murcia and Almeria. Perfect for driveways, swimming pool surrounds patios or terraces. Three dimensional texturing tools are used to create the appearance of natural materials such as brick, cobblestone, slate, stone, wood and also tiles in a variety of styles and designs. Multiprint offers versatility, durability, weed-free, stain resistant services and is low maintenance, cost effective and can be produced in a number of patterns and colours. Only pure, light fast, limeproof and weather-resistant pigments are used, coloured surface hardeners create a durable, low maintenance surface. Create an aged or antique effect by imparting a second colour into the texture of the pouring. Sealants are an integral part of the system. We use U.V. stabilised sealants which provide a barrier against fading and also minimise staining, inhibit moss growth and can be semi-gloss or full gloss and anti-slip, where safety is a concern. We are also able to provide a re-seal service for existing pattern imprinted concrete. Paul Blanchard formed his company, PB

PAVING SPAIN, which is in its tenth year of operation, after visiting the Costa Blanca on holiday and realising that the product would be ideal for the area, where an important part of your living space is often outside. As people in the area realised the potential of the product and saw the excellent quality of the workmanship; the company grew steadily and is now formed by a well trained and experienced team. As we like to work closely with our customers, after installation we are always on hand for warranty work or just for general advice. We are also able to treat your exterior garden walls with our latest longlasting monocap rendering, reducing the need for painting and maintenance by providing a crisp, permanent wall finish. As specialists in the pattern imprinted concrete business, we are unable to fit your burglar alarm or install your swimming pool. However, with many years of local work we are confident that we can offer a competitive quotation to transform your outside area, using first quality materials, good workmanship and with no hidden extras. Why not check out the website www.pbpavingspain.com, or call 966797651 or 606869121 for a free no obligation quotation.

The Courier Sunday TV

March 11

02:00 Spider 03:35 Close 07:00 Little Robots 00:40 The Football League Show 01:05 ITV News Headlines 01:05 The Zone 07:10 Lunar Jim 01:55 Weatherview 04:00 In Plain Sight 07:20 Garth and Bev 02:00 BBC News 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:35 Octonauts 02:30 On The Road With Jackie 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:45 Pinky Dinky Doo Mason 07:00 Mini CITV 08:00 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab 03:00 BBC News 08:25 CITV 08:30 Dennis and Gnasher 03:30 Dateline London 10:25 ITV News 08:40 The Scooby-Doo Show 04:00 BBC News 10:30 Ade in Britain 09:05 Paradise Cafe 04:30 British Olympic Dreams 11:30 May the Best House Win 09:30 Deadly 60 Bites 05:00 BBC News 12:30 Dickinson's Real Deal 13:30 ITV News and Weather 10:00 Friday Download 05:30 Click 13:39 Meridian Weather 11:00 Shaun the Sheep 06:00 BBC News 13:40 Murder, She Wrote 11:05 Flog It! 06:30 The Record Europe 14:45 Columbo Goes to College 12:05 Escape to the Country 07:00 Breakfast 16:40 Midsomer Murders 13:05 EastEnders 08:45 Match of the Day 18:40 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 The Mosquito Coast 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 18:55 ITV News and Weather 16:50 First Knight 11:00 The Big Questions 19:10 You've Been Framed! 19:00 I'm a Pop Star! 12:00 Sunday Politics 19:40 Harry Hill's TV Burp 20:00 World's Most Dangerous Roads 20:15 Dancing on Ice 13:05 Match of the Day Live 21:30 Wild at Heart 15:30 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 21:00 Top Gear 22:30 Dancing on Ice: The Skate Off 22:00 Orbit: Earth's Extraordinary 18:10 Songs of Praise 23:05 ITV News and Weather Journey 18:45 Land Girls 23:19 Meridian Weather 23:00 Match of the Day 2 19:35 BBC News; Regional News 23:20 Whitechapel and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Upstairs Downstairs British crime thriller starring Daniel Craig. A rising 23:00 BBC News; Regional News young drug dealer wants to make quick money and and Weather

LAYER CAKE

01:45 2012 03:40 03:45 05:20 06:00 06:40 07:25 07:50 08:20 08:45 09:10 09:45 10:20 10:55 11:25 11:55 12:30 12:35 17:00 17:30 18:30 19:30 20:00 20:05 21:00 22:00 23:00

The Secret Policeman's Ball Lucky Escape You, the Living Reaper 90210 Countdown The Hoobs The Hoobs That Paralympic Show Sailing The Crush Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Simpsons Channel 4 Presents Live Athletics The Simpsons Deal or No Deal Come Dine with Me Channel 4 News 4thought.tv Home of the Future Time Team Homeland The Final Destination

then retire early to enjoy the benefits. But his plans are thwarted when he is asked by a local crime boss to find the missing daughter of a powerful friend.

00:00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme 00:30 The Stepford Wives

00:10 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:05 SuperCasino 05:00 Nick's Quest 05:25 Nick's Quest 05:50 County Secrets 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 City of Friends 07:35 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Igam Ogam 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:15 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Family! 08:35 Make Way for Noddy 08:45 Mio Mao 08:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:00 Little Princess 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:10 The Mr Men Show 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 11:00 Grey's Anatomy 11:55 Stansted: The Inside Story 12:55 Cowboy Builders 13:55 Sabrina the Teenage Witch 15:45 Cheaper by the Dozen 17:35 Are We There Yet? 19:20 Men in Black 2 21:00 Big Body Squad 21:55 5 News 22:00 Layer Cake

Moncayoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s green light for Mum and St Patrick! The popular Moncayo International Market is hosting a two-day extravaganza to celebrate St Patrickâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day and Mothers Day. It all kicks off next Friday, March 16, with a host of events to suit everyone. A Motor Fair is being held in conjunction with the regular and resale market - and will include a Classic Car and Bike Rally with prizes for the best turned-out vehicle. Experts are expected to be on hand from leading Service Centres to offer help and advice, a tyre clinic, automotive tools, quotes for car insurance, the list is endless. Also on site on Friday and Saturday will be a Craft Fair where you can watch and take part in flower-arranging activities by Linda, who taught and demonstrated floristry in the UK and has run a busy flower shop in Spain for over five years. She also appeared in the Hampton Court Flower Show in the UK in 2008. There will also be jewellery making-demonstrations provided by Christine. So come along and take up the opportunity to make something special and unique for Mothers Day. If you are looking for that one special present, there will be a variety of stalls selling cards, gifts, and hand-made products. You can even have a flower arrangement made to order. The regular market and the resale market will be open both days so you have plenty of time to peruse all that the venue has to offer. Animal Aid Association de Rojales opened their first cabin at the Moncayo Market only

last month. An Association set up primarily to help abandoned and abused dogs, it caringly brings them back to full health and finds them new homes. Dogs requiring re-homing are advertised in the newspapers, on the website (www.animalaidcostablanca.org) and also on Facebook at 'Animal Aid Association - Dogs for re-homing'. Animal Aid also helps to reunite lost pets with their owners, as well as advising and helping people who are transporting their animals back to the UK. To enable this work to be done, funds are raised through donations of bric-a-brac, clothes, books and unwanted furniture. The organisers of Moncayo Market have generously become sponsors of Animal Aid, by providing use of a cabin on the premises that can be used as a drop off point for donations of any unwanted items every Tuesday and Saturday. Various raffles will be held on both days with great prizes to be won! Proceeds from the raffles will be presented to the Animal Aid Charity. VIBE FM Radio and various artistes will be providing entertainment throughout the weekend and with on-site cafes and bars, you really can make a day of it. It promises to be a fun-packed weekend so come and join in the fun - and perhaps raise a glass or two to St Paddy himself. Ample free parking is available on both days. Moncayo Market will now be open every Tuesday, Friday and Saturday at 10am.

The Courier Monday TV

March 12

00:05 Would I Lie to You? 00:35 The Apprentice USA 02:40 Weatherview 02:45 Film 2012 with Claudia Winkleman 03:25 Holby City 04:25 The Last Explorers 05:25 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Crime and Punishment 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Cowboy Trap 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Missing 16:00 BBC News and Weather 16:05 I Want My Own Room 16:35 Lockie Leonard 16:55 OOglies 17:15 Deadly Art 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Empire 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:10 Rugby Union: Six Nations Highlights 00:55 A Boy Called Dad 02:15 The Wackness 03:50 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:25 Close 07:00 Little Robots

07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:25 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Alphablocks 09:35 Abadas 09:45 Poetry Pie 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Guess with Jess 10:40 Andy's Wild Adventures 10:55 Same Smile 11:10 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:15 64 Zoo Lane 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 My Life in Books 14:30 Living Dangerously 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Breakaway 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:30 Britain's First Photo Album 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Home Cooking Made Easy 22:00 The Tube 23:00 Watson & Oliver 23:30 Weather

00:15 Anglo-Welsh Cup Rugby Union 01:10 The Zone 01:10 ITV News Headlines 03:40 River Monsters 04:30 ITV Nightscreen 06:35 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Dales 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Scott & Bailey 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Agenda

SCOTT AND BAILEY

New series. Lesley Sharp and Suranne Jones resume their partnership as the northern-based crime drama returns. In the first of a two-part story, the badly burned body of a disabled man turns up in a remote part of Manchester and a few days later another corpse is discovered. The detectives start to realise the victims were not just murdered, but tortured too. They make an arrest, but it becomes clear their investigation has just scratched the surface. Meanwhile, Janet throws her husband out and Rachel's estranged brother turns up on her doorstep.

00:40 Wolf 03:00 The Big Bang Theory 03:20 The Big Bang Theory 03:40 The Big Bang Theory 04:00 The Big Bang Theory 04:20 Hollyoaks 06:30 90210 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 10:00 Undercover Boss USA 10:55 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 12:00 You Deserve This House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:35 Channel 4 Presents 13:40 River Cottage 14:00 Bataan 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 China: Triumph and Turmoil 22:00 Embarrassing Bodies 23:00 My Phone Sex Secrets

00:10 The Boys from Brazil 02:35 SuperCasino 04:55 Europa League Football 05:50 County Secrets 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Mio Mao 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Emergency Bikers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Mentalist 16:15 The Accidental Witness 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Stansted: The Inside Story 21:00 Ultimate Police Interceptors 22:00 Revolver

The Courier Tuesday TV

March 13

00:05 Late Kick Off 00:35 The Graham Norton Show 01:20 Weatherview 01:25 Racing with the Hamiltons: Nic in the Driving Seat 02:20 Accused 03:20 Great British Food Revival 04:20 Antiques Road Trip 04:45 Sport Today 05:05 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Crime and Punishment 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Cowboy Trap 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Missing 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 I Want My Own Room 16:35 Deadly 60 Bites 17:00 Sport Relief Does Glee Club 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Letting Go

00:20 This World 01:20 BBC News 01:30 HARDtalk 02:00 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:15 The Super League Show 05:00 Schools: The Bloodhound Adventure

06:00 Schools: Counting with Rodd 07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:25 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Alphablocks 09:35 Abadas 09:45 Poetry Pie 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Guess with Jess 10:40 Andy's Wild Adventures 10:55 Same Smile 11:10 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:15 64 Zoo Lane 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 My Life in Books 14:30 Living Dangerously 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Breakaway 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Britain's First Photo Album 20:00 Rugged Wales 21:00 The Hairy Bikers' Bakeation 22:00 Horizon 23:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 23:30 Weather

00:05 Mayday Mayday 00:35 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 01:30 The Zone 03:30 Champions League Weekly 03:55 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Countrywise Kitchen 21:00 Homes from Hell 22:00 The Biggest Loser 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Benidorm

SUPERSIZE VS SUPERSKINNY Christian Jessen advises Hugh McIntosh, a 22st man who started comfort eating after the deaths of his mother and stepson, and tries to help Lynsey Bate, who has an irrational fear of choking and has lost an alarming amount of weight in the past 18 months. He also reports on initiatives designed to tackle the obesity problem in Evansville, Indiana, and a fashion student discusses how an eating disorder has left her addicted to exercise and surviving on only 600 calories a day.

00:05 Homeland 01:10 Random Acts 01:15 Shameless 02:10 Out on a Limo 03:10 Laid Off 03:20 Home of the Future 04:15 This Is Me 04:20 Birth of Britain 05:15 Genius of Britain 06:10 Countdown 06:55 Sali Mali 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:25 Frasier 10:55 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 12:00 You Deserve This House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:30 Cheltenham Festival 17:15 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Supersize vs Superskinny 22:00 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 23:00 Shameless

00:25 Gridiron Gang 02:45 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Mio Mao 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Emergency Bikers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 Angels Fall 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 21:00 Revealed 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: NY 23:55 CSI: Miami

The Courier Wednesday TV

March 14

00:20 Who Do You Think You Are? US 01:05 It Runs in the Family 02:50 Weatherview 02:55 Exile 03:55 The Last Explorers 04:55 Great British Food Revival 05:55 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Crime and Punishment 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Cowboy Trap 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Missing 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 I Want My Own Room 16:35 Deadly 60 Bites 16:35 Lockie Leonard 17:00 Sport Relief Does Glee Club 17:30 My Life 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 Kevin Bridges What's the Story?

00:20 01:05 01:30 02:00 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45

Rubicon BBC News HARDtalk Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today

05:00 Schools: Curious Cat 05:30 Schools: Seriously Raleigh 07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:25 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Alphablocks 09:35 Abadas 09:45 Poetry Pie 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Guess with Jess 10:40 Andy's Wild Adventures 10:55 Same Smile 11:10 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:15 64 Zoo Lane 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 See Hear 14:30 Living Dangerously 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Breakaway 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:30 Britain's First Photo Album 20:00 Escape to the Country 20:30 Watson & Oliver 21:00 The Fisherman's Apprentice with Monty Halls 22:00 Rights Gone Wrong? 23:00 Roger & Val Have Just Got In 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Ladette to Lady: Australia 01:30 ITV News Headlines 04:00 Crossing Jordan 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

SUPER SCRIMPERS Financial Times columnist Mrs Moneypenny runs down her top ten money-saving tips, offering advice on subjects including holidays, insurance and mobile phones. She also presents highlights from the programme's second series, such as making a family face the unpleasant reality of a year's food waste and showing a couple how much they spent on romantic trips. Plus, how the Fontaine and Galvin families have fared since having their overspending challenged.

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 Desperate Housewives 01:10 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 01:40 Poker 02:35 Sailing 03:00 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:25 The Grid 03:55 Late Night Poker 04:50 That Paralympic Show 05:15 Road to London 2012: Paralympics Extra 06:10 Full Metal Challenge 07:05 Channel 4 Presents 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:25 Frasier 10:55 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 12:00 You Deserve This House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:30 Cheltenham Festival 17:15 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 SuperScrimpers 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 10 O'Clock Live 23:55 Sri Lanka's Killing Fields: War Crimes Unpunished

00:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 01:50 Inside Hollywood 02:00 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Mio Mao 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Emergency Bikers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 Love's Resounding Courage 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Cowboy Builders 21:00 Big Body Squad 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

The Courier Thursday TV

March 15

00:15 National Lottery Update 00:55 The Children 02:15 Weatherview 02:20 See Hear 02:50 Upstairs Downstairs 03:50 How to Grow a Planet 04:50 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Crime and Punishment 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Cowboy Trap 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Missing 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 I Want My Own Room 16:35 Deadly 60 Bites 16:35 Lockie Leonard 17:00 Sport Relief Does Glee Club 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 MasterChef 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time

01:50 HARDtalk 02:00 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Schools: Planet Dinosaur 06:00 Schools: Human Planet Change and Sustainability

07:00 Little Robots 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:25 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Alphablocks 09:35 Abadas 09:45 Poetry Pie 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Guess with Jess 10:40 Andy's Wild Adventures 10:55 Same Smile 11:10 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:15 64 Zoo Lane 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 My Life in Books 14:30 Living Dangerously 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Breakaway 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Britain's First Photo Album 20:00 The Hairy Bikers' Bakeation 21:00 Natural World 22:00 White Heat 23:00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme 23:30 Weather

00:35 Kidnap and Ransom 01:30 ITV News Headlines 03:30 Quadrophenia 05:30 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Love Life 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 For Better for Worse

FOR BETTER FOR WORSE

Part one of two. An update on the couples featured in the documentary series that has been charting the ups and downs of eight marriages since 1998, including Liverpudlians Russell and Linda, who reveal what happened following the failure of a vasectomy reversal. The programme catches up with Mike, who told his wife Liz that he did not love her on their big day, and two sisters from Essex who had a joint wedding in Mauritius. Caz Stuart narrates.

00:55 Random Acts 01:00 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 01:30 Black Cab Sessions 02:00 The Album Chart Show 02:15 The Album Chart Show: Spotlight 02:35 4Play: All the Young 02:50 4Play: Jodie Marie 03:05 The Crush 04:00 Live from Abbey Road 04:45 Dragonwyck 06:25 Reaper 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:25 According to Jim 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:25 Frasier 10:55 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 12:00 You Deserve This House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:30 Cheltenham Festival 17:15 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Location, Location, Location 22:00 Mary's Bottom Line 23:00 Our Man In

00:55 Poker: The Big Game 01:50 Inside Hollywood 02:00 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Emergency Bikers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:10 Prayers for Bobby 18:00 5 News at 5 18:15 Live UEFA Europa League Football 21:05 xXx 23:25 The Foreigner

Friday, March 9, 2012 Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from a real person/our friendly staff.

AWNINGS

ACCOMMODATION Small, economic family run hotel, situated on the CV951, San Miguel de Salinas. Modern air-conditioned and ensuite rooms available, 35€ per room, per night. Call 966 842 070 for reservations.

MEDICAL

ACCOUNTANTS Are you running a business? Let us simplify things for you – accountancy, taxes, payroll services and more. We cater for companies and individuals. Established in 1984 on the Costa Blanca. Call us on 966 923 963 for your first consultation free of charge.

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276. Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3. Pilar de la Horadada. Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome

AIR CONDITIONING

from any church background or none. For further information contact Pilar ChristianCommunity Church@gmail.com or contact Reverend Eddie on 966 7693 00 or 650 509 606. Reg No:2009-SG/A

CARS FOR SALE Try Professional Business Support for your quick quote for car insurance. Excellent prices for expats, all policies available in English or German. We will call you back with a price. 966 923 963 Fiat Multipla 1.9 JTD 6 SEATER MPV, Aug 2001, 126,000 kms, Fully

Serviced, A/C, Alloys, Met Blue 3950 euros Ford Focus 1.6 Auto TREND, 2007, 1 owner, 52,000 kms, cruise control, climate, sport alloys, met silver, stunning condition, 8950 euros Kia Karens 2.0 litre CRDIEX, 2005, 108,000 KMS, fsh, alloys, A/C, CD, & much more, choice of 4 from 4950 euros Renault Megane Scenic Dynamique, 2008, 1.9 DCI, Auto, tiptronic, 1 owner, 70,000, FSH, Alloys, Climate, Part Sensors, Rain Light Sensors, Cruise Control, Twin panoramic sun roofs, and much more, must be seen 11,950 euros Over 75 vehicles in stockTel 600 726 221 - 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com

Make the most of private health care and private hospitals, we have great cover and a two tier pricing system to suit your age and pocket. All policies in English, many English speaking doctors or free translators at your service. Call us now on 966 923 963, and we will call you back with your quote. Caser Health Care .

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Luxury appartments, 2/3 bedrooms in San Miguel De Salinas. Floor heating, Elevator, Roof terrace with

swimmingpool, from 385 euros/month Also holiday rentals and appartments in San Miguel de Salinas from 350 euros/month. 966 723 437 and 616 487 493 (60) Ref. 91, This lovely one bedroom apartment is on the fifth (top) floor of block one of the Miramar development - but don't worry about climbing the stairs, as there is a lift! A parking space is included in the key operated underground garage. €450PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short term only. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in

Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops. Short or long term rental available. €P.O.A Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 155, Luxurious Three Bedroom Villa With Private Pool, in Quesada Close to shops and restaurants within a five minute drive, and Guadamar Beach is within a ten minute drive. Long term or Short term available. €795PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

DRAINAGE

HOT TUBS/SPAS

INSURANCE For all your insurance needs, ie.home, car, health, funeral, travel, etc Excellent cover from Spain´s 5th biggest insurance company, “CASER”. Policies available in English and German. Call Professional Business

HIRE CENTRE

PEST CONTROL

AUTO ELECTRICIAN

BOILERS

HEARING AIDS

CCTV

CARPENTER

CAR HIRE

DOG TRAINING

COMPUTERS

Friday, March 9, 2012

Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. €300PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 708, A lovely two bedroom, one bathroom corner ground floor apartment in Algorfa, with a spacious patio & Residents off road parking. Communal pool near by. Short or long term rental available. €400PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

Ref: 117, A Lovely 3 Bedroomed 1st floor apartment on the outskirts of Torrevieja (Mar Azul). The Apartment is in walking distance of the excellent beaches and a good selection of restaurants, shops and bars. €425PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, Well situated studio apartment in San Luis. The property has a balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Close to all shops and amenities, on a local bus route & 10 minutes from the beach. €250PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. 702, A lovely 2 bedroom apartment in a quiet area of Torrevieja yet within walking distance to local beaches and amenities. It’s also less than an hour’s drive from both Alicante and Murcia San Javier Airports. €400PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR SALE Excellent cover for your house and home, includes travel assistance for when you go away. Interesting prices for expats; policies available in English or German. Call 966 923 963 for a quote REDUCED Ground floor Duplex in Puerto Marino, Gran Alacant. Now only 99,500 euros. 2 bed, 1 bath, fully furnished Central heating, glazed galleria, grills, Mozzie nets, front garden, com pools, Private gated parking, walking distance to Shops bars restaurants etc. 627 711 155 Calling all serious Buyers. I have a 5 bed, 4 bath, 2 kitchens, 2 lounges, detached Villa with self-filling pool in Gran Alacant. Everything included in price, fantastic Alicante/sea views. As a starting price I am looking in the region of 265.000 euros Interested in making me an offer call me on 680 333 242

Mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant 2 Bed, 3 Bath, being sold fully furnished. Electrical Appliances included, large front and rear garden, choice of communal pools, Private secure parking and walking distance to GA Center. 140.000 euros ono. Call 627 711 155 for viewing. Lovely well maintained terraced property situated in Mediterranea III in Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, everything included in price. Large communal pool, tennis courts, established gardens Walking distance to shops, bars restaurants. Very quiet location, over looks nature reserve. Private parking, call 680 333 242 for more details. 133.000 euros Beach Front property opposite Carabassi Beach 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, roof top solarium under ground secure parking, walking distance to beach Situated on local tram and bus route. Being sold fully fur-

nished. 4 communal pools, tennis courts, bar and restaurant with in urbanisation Please ring 966 699 136 after 6pm (english & spanish spoken) Now only 125.000 euros excellent value in Gran Alacant. Quick sale needed. 199.000 euros ono Detached property in Puerto Marina. 3 Bed, 3 Bath, Immaculately furnished Alarmed, Central heating, Log fire, Hot & Cold air con, open fields to the rear, Private parking, Communal pools. 966.699.478 after 5 pm. Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant 209,000 euros 3 Double

DANCE CLASSES

EXPAT SERVICES

SUN PROTECTION

HAIR DRESSING

DAMP PROOFING

FURNITURE

FAST BROADBAND

FISHING

GLASS CURTAINS

GARDENING

ELECTRICIAN

bedrooms with fitted wardrobes 2 bathrooms, spacious kitchen with galleria Lounge complete with chimney, large under build, top quality furniture and appliances inc. Com pools, underground garage, tennis courts To view call 627 711 155 Semi-detached villa in Gran Alacant 3 bed, 3 bath, lounge diner, independent kitchen, glazed in porch, large solarium with stunning views, Private Parking. A/Con Central heating, UK TV. Only 229.000 euros By appointment only call 966 699 136

NEWS AGENTS

DOMESTIC SHUTTERS

PETS

SECURITY PLUMBERS

LOCKSMITH

SEWING

Friday, March 9, 2012 Large detached villa, large pool with electronic solar cover, converted under build, roof top solarium with conservatory, panoramic views 545 m2 plot, part furnished, double glazed, A/con, alarmed, gas fire, est. irrigated gardens Call 680 333 242 for best price Ref 30 Close to Supavalue in Gran Alacant. Detached villa with pool on 640m2 plot. 3 bed, 2 bath, lounge diner, large roof top solarium, Porch, Outside WC, 2 built-in BBQ’s, Log Fire, Under build, Alarmed, Mature Gardens, Toldos blinds, Garage, Electronic Gates. 260.000 euros 627 711 155 English & Spanish spoken. Walking distance to all local amenities in GA Detached Villa with large pool. Decoratively tiled Garden, complete with BBQ. Est. palm & fruit trees. 3 bed, 3 bath, Fully Furnished including all electrical appliances.

Quick sale needed, 270.000 euros, but very negotiable. For appointment to view call 966 699 478 after 5pm Top floor duplex in Puerto Marina, G/Alacant 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, lounge-diner, glazed-in porch, large roof-top solarium with views, Top quality furniture and appliances included. Secure private parking, communal pools, 108,000 euros. If you would like to view call 627 711 155 for an immediate appointment. LIMITED EDITION One of only a few bungalows in Gran Alacant. Top of the range furniture and appliances included. 3 bed, 2 bath, lounge diner, large kitchen, leading to galleria,

STORAGE

huge roof top solarium with fantastic views of Alicante and mountains. Electronic gates leading to garage, 500m2 plot, 10x5 pool with irrigated gardens By appointment only, ring 680333242 325.000 ono Large family Home in Izla de Izaro, G.A (bajo) 4 bed, 3 bath, stunning communal pool with Jacuzzi & water features. Children’s play area and fantastic communal gardens. Very high standard throughout, Large converted under build & garage, elec. Gates Alarmed, A/con, outside kitchen and bathroom, 399.000 ono. To view call 966699136 after 5pm. Monte Y Mar - Gran Alacant Detached Villa with 3 bedrooms, 3 bath-

rooms, lounge-diner, front porch, Large solarium with views. 400m2 plot Low maintenance irrigated gardens, Private pool & Parking. Tastefully furnished throughout and everything included. Recently Reduced to 239.000 euros. For more details call 627.711.155 Gran Alacant, corner semi detached 3 bedroomed, 2 bathrooms, large garden, enclosed terrace, fully furnished, private drive for 2 cars, on gated desirable urbanisation Monte Faro, many facilities priced for quick sale 185,000 Tel 680 333 242 Balsares, terraced 4 bedroomed house, 3 bathrooms, large underbuild, private underground parking direct to house, small

RECYCLING CLOTHES

SURVEYS

gated urbanisation, directly over looking proposed new golf course opposite Gran Alacant, priced for quick sale at original off plan price 195.000 Tel 680 333 242 Gran Alacant, front line, 2 bed, 1 bath, downstairs toilet, fully furnished, roof terrace, walking distance to beaches, large communal and resturants, beach front property priced for quick sale 125,000 Tel 680 333 242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca,

PLASTERER

Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com

SOLICITORS Need English Speaking Solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your problems with debt recovery, divorce, property, accident claims, legalise land. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor.

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are welcome to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (61)

SIGN WRITING

SPANISH LESSONS

MASSAGE

WANTED REMOVALS

PAINTER

PERSONAL

WATER FILTERS

SWIMMING POOL MAINTENANCE

Recovery & Breakdown Services

Friday, March 9, 2012

Greenside Gossip IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

RORY GLORY HALLELULAH RORY McIlroy was just 19 when he made his pro debut on American soil in the Arizona desert at the 2009 Match Play Championship.

He advanced to the quarter-finals and threw everything he had at Geoff Ogilvy before losing on the 17th hole. Ogilvy, who went on to win his third World Golf Championship that week, recalls riding back to the clubhouse with his caddie, Alistair ‘Squirrel’ Matheson, both of them realising that the landscape was about to change. "I played so good that day," Ogilvy recalls. "I birdied 15, 16 and 17 and halved all three holes. We were way under par that day. Both Squirrel and I said, 'This guy is going to be unbelievable.' And then Squirrel said, 'If you want to be No. 1, you're going to have to be better than this guy - because not many people in the world will be better than that." There was something special about this freckled-face kid with brown curls spilling out from under his cap, who played the game with a delightful mixture of joy and reckless abandon. Geoff Ogilvy: Impressed "Since that first day I saw McIlroy is the secondhim play, he was a level youngest player to be ranked above us," admits Ogilvy. No. 1— Woods was 21 when Their premonition came he first reached the top after true this week when McIlroy the US Open in 1997. And it won the Honda Classic in a should be noted that Woods fashion befitting the No. 1 only stayed at No. 1 for one player in the world. He didn't flinch when Tiger measly week. Mind you, after Woods went birdie-eagle for trading places with Ernie Els, a 62 on Sunday, his best final Greg Norman and eventually round ever, and nearly nine David Duval, Tiger finally shots better than the day’s established himself as the best by staying at No. 1 for average score. McIlroy could hear the roar more than five years. So it's too early to call from a mile away, gathered himself and then rolled in a McIlroy the next Tiger. Even though there are simbirdie putt. He followed with three par saves over the last ilarities in their age, it is worth five holes for a two-shot vic- pointing out the differences. McIlroy reached No. 1 in tory, elevating him to No. 1 in his 115th tournament that the world. The Ulsterman became count toward the ranking; the 16th player to hold the Woods hit the top in his 21st No. 1 ranking, ending the 40- tournament. McIlroy won for the fifth week reign of Luke Donald who sent a congratulatory time in his career, including a message on Twitter by telling US Open at Congressional Boy Wonder, "Enjoy the by eight shots with a record score (268). When Woods view."

had played 115 tournaments, he already had won five majors and 32 tournaments around the world. Even now, with Woods getting closer to regaining full form, his gallery was double the size of the crowd following McIlroy in Sunday’s final round, and not just because Woods has made south Florida his new home. Tiger remains compelling. No one has ever won more majors so quickly, and there remains interest whether he can make it all the way back. Four players have been No. 1 since Woods abdicated his throne 16 months ago — Lee Westwood, Martin Kaymer, Luke Donald and now McIlroy. The difference is that McIlroy is so young, and already has accomplished so much. He might only have five

wins, but three were in the United Sates, including a major. Not everyone accepted Westwood as No. 1 during his two stints that covered 22 weeks -- because he never won a major. There is no correlation between No 1 and winning majors, it only seemed that way because Woods was at the top for so long and had won 14 majors before he turned 33. That's why Donald, despite being No. 1 longer than anyone besides Woods in the last 15 years, was slow to gain proper respect. Kaymer had won PGA Championship, yet remained an enigma. With McIlroy, there is no debate. "He's got a game that people think is world No. 1," says three-time major champion Padraig

World No.1 at 22 - now new king McIlroy is out to avenge Masters misery

Harrington said. "That's why nobody is going to have any complaints about Rory being world No. 1. He won a major at a young age. He's got the game. Yeah, you can compare him with Tiger. He's still got a lot to do. And there's no doubt that Tiger's 14 majors are very impressive. "But if you're going to win a lot of majors, you've got to start winning them early. At 22 years of age, the world No. 1, a major in the bank, he's going to play a lot of majors where he'll be the favourite." Harrington won his first major at Carnoustie in 2007, when McIlroy was an 18year-old amateur who played bogey-free in the opening round for a 68 and went on to be the low amateur. At the trophy presentation that day, Harrington said he was happy to get his major before

Padraig Harrington: ‘Rory has got the game’

this kid from Northern Ireland started winning one. McIlroy has worked hard on his short game, particularly his putting inside six feet, which had kept him from winning more. In his last 12 tournaments, he has won three times and only once finished out of the top five. This is the consistency required of the No. 1 player in golf. McIlroy has consistency and power, a lethal combination. And there don't appear to be any swing changes along the way. McIlroy, Woods, Westwood and McDowell again do battle in this week's W G C - C a d i l l a c Championship in Florida but the new world No.1 is already looking ahead to next month's US Masters. The Northern Irishman was a picture of despair at Augusta last year when he suffered a disastrous finalround collapse. McIlroy led by four strokes after 54 holes before tumbling out of contention with a sad eight-over 80. "I am taking three weeks off before the Masters to prepare," he says. "I'll go up to Augusta the week before and play a couple of practice rounds. "If I can do the exact same thing this year as I did last year for 63 holes I'll be doing okay. Hopefully I can do that again and ... maybe finish it off a little better."

LA ZENIA RAMBLE TO TOP VEGA BAJA PREMIER GOLF LEAGUE (Ramblas Golf, Feb 24 - Kameeleon Premier Division) A DISASTROUS January saw the League programme disrupted due to a pre-booked course failing to provide sufficient buggies and having no clubhouse open for players and administration. This resulted in games being played a month later at Las Ramblas, thanks to Director of Golf Emilio Navarette and his team – who provided facilities at short notice plus more than enough buggies. A re-vitalised Las Ramblas course again proved a test with only La Zenia winning, which pushed them to the top of the League. RESULTS: La Zenia GS 3 (40.5 holes) vs Club 25 Serena GS 1 (31.5 holes); Rocajuna GS 2 (33 holes) vs La ramblas GS 2 (39 holes); Team Torre GS 2 vs Eurogolf GS 2 (36 holes). With Team Torre and Eurogolf drawing their match, sharing the 72 matchplay holes, and the bonus points, the three bonus points went to La Zenia G S and Las Ramblas G S. There will be no matches in March as the same management company for January’s venue also operate Mar Menor Golf Village, who failed to fulfil a

bookings agreement made in August 2011. These matches for both Divisions will be in May at a venue to be arranged. Updated Vega Baja Premier Golf League fixtures, tables, and news will be available on the website www.vegabajapremiergolfleague.com and on Facebook throughout the season. For more information, contact Ivie Davies on 669 211 410 or golfdavies@gmail.com TORRE GOLF SOCIETY (El Plantio – March 5) It was a glorious sunny March Monday morning and it was 19 degrees. Yes, March - ‘as mad as a Hare’. It was really good to see the regulars and an influx of very welcome guests, two coming all the way from the Emerald Isle and another driving from France, (well they were on holiday) and Ajanfors from Sweden. Results (Stableford) - Category One: 1st. Ivie Davies 35 pts, 2nd. Barry Daniell 32 pts c/b. Category Two: 1st. Steve Brookes 33 pts, 2nd. Graham Lester 27 pts. Nearest Pin - Hole 9 Barry Daniell. VFM (Paul Smith award) Jan Svedberg. For more information on The Torre Golf Society, contact Ivie Davies as above.

Friday, March 9, 2012

ROBIN RED-BEST!

ARSENAL bowed out of the Champions League with not quite a roar - but another fairly large shout that they are back in business. You just can't keep a good man down and while Arsene Wenger won't go on forever, he has answered his recent critics emphatically. The Gunners are currently in a rich vein of form that has seen them win their last three matches in style and the Premier League's leading scorer Robin van Persie rediscover his shooting boots. While Arsenal are too far behind to see my pre-season bet for the title come up, they could do my beloved Manchester United a big favour in a couple of weeks by softening up Manchester City prior to the derby at the Etihad at the end of April that everybody is dubbing the title decider. Not too much to get excited about this weekend in the Premier League, with all the title contenders up against opposition they should easily beat. The top two fixtures for

THIS year’s annual Torrevieja HalfMarathon was, as in 2011, run in conjunction with a 10.75K road race. The warm Sunday morning conditions were a pleasant change after the previous cool windy weather. And Running Wild A.C - a friendly, Orihuela Costabased running and social group with ages ranging from late 30s to late 70s were well represented, especially for the shorter event. Ingrid Patursson, Helen Giles and Howard Bednall took part in the Half

Van the man has Wenger’s guns blazing again me are Everton v Tottenham at Goodison and Liverpool's trip to Sunderland, which promises to be an entertaining encounter to say the least - the appearance of large, bouncy rubber objects permitting! Sunderland and Newcastle were embroiled in a rough tough North East derby last weekend which resulted in a rap on the knuckles from the authorities. I'm sure they will take a lot of notice of that. While some of the challenges did border on the psychotic, it certainly served to spark things up - and the sight of the two managers scuffling on the sidelines merely underlined the riveting intensity of it all. Marathon, with Ingrid collecting second prize in her category (Vet Lady “D”) in 1:56:56. The shorter race included Running Wild’s Crecia Wilding, (who took fourth prize in her category), John Pascoe, (the club’s oldest member at 79), Jim Gavin, Shirley Crandon, Jane Travers, Pat Murphy, Julie Rushton, Maureen Lockey, Unni Arnet and Bernard Mercer. Training continues for future events, mainly on Sunday mornings from outside the OK Gym at Los Dolces.

They are passionate about their football in the North East and that is how it should be. Those ‘no quarter asked and none given’ affairs are certainly more entertaining than a lot of the sterile fare on offer these days. Nothing sterile about Barcelona and Lionel Messi's performance in the midweek drubbing of Bayer Leverkusen. Seven goals including FIVE for Messi merely confirmed that Barca are the top team in the world right now and lethal Lionel the No. 1 player. Why, oh why would anyone want to leave ‘em, I can hear you ask. Elsewhere in Europe, Apoel Nicosia continue to fly the flag for the underdog after yet another stunning result that sees them progress to the next stage of the Champions League knockout stages with a real opportunity to rub shoulders with the big boys. It’s heartening to see a little club like that mixing it with the elite and just goes to show money and size aren't everything. Try telling the missus that, though!

ORIHUELA CHILL OUT Christian’s late show ON DAY OF THE VETS steals Nico’s glory ALMOST 30 ITV Orihuela rugby veterans took to the pitch for a fun day last weekend to show the youngsters how it is done. It might not have been the fast-running open rugby we are used to seeing, but the skills were still there – even if they

were a bit rusty in some cases. The important thing was that the enthusiasm and passion remained in evidence as both teams scored tries and players remembered the good old days when they were playing first-team rugby. At the end of the match

all the players retired to the best half of rugby, the third half, for a welldeserved drink and continue the fun. This weekend it is back to business for the seniors with a home league match scheduled against local rivals Torrevieja on Saturday (17.00). Two more league games remain - at home against Murcia XV in two weeks and away to Murcia UCAM a week later. The rugby union supporters bar and club at the Steak House in Rojales will be showing this weekend’s Six Nations and LV Cup matches on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So come along and bring your friends for a cracking weekend of rugby. For more information about all things rugby, call Garry on 692 767 242.

Orihuela Costa 1 CD Montesinos 1

CD Montesinos gained a vital away point in this a hard fought 1-1 draw against much improved Orihuela Costa, played at the impressive Sports Complex at Playa Flamenca. Without suspended defenders Becker and Fernando, manager Juanpe had to play inexperienced Gallas as centre half, but he and his team mates fought hard, and in the early stages took the game to the home side. A great cross from Dmitry found the head of Vasquinho, but his header went wide. Then Andreas had a free kick flash just over the bar and right on half time the best chance fell to CDM top goal scorer Edu, but his shot was blocked on the line. Although Monte were much the better side,

they were punished soon after the restart for missing chances. Great work down the left saw the rushing Nico’s firsttime shot beat Lopez to give the home side an undeserved lead. Time for Juanpe to make changes; Dimitry off for strik-

er Omar and also young goal poacher, Christian, for skipper Sanchez. The pressure was mounting and with minutes remaining, a chance fell to Christian, who calmly tucked the equaliser into the far corner. With so many strikers on the pitch the game could have been won by either side, but after a pulsating 90 minutes a draw was a fair result. The next match is at home to Almoradi B, on Sunday March 11 at 4.30pm. For additional information about CD Montesinos visit the website www.cdmontesinos.com email thef u l l m o n t e 2 0 11 @ h o t mail.com or telephone 637 869 602 In association with CajaMurcia Photograph by Malcolm Byrom

Friday, March 9, 2012

CHEL RAISER

Mourinho, Moyes or Di Matteo – which one of ‘M’ will get the job? ROBERTO di Matteo made a great start in his role as caretaker manager of Chelsea, dropping Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard and John Terry and gaining a 2-0 FA Cup win at Birmingham. The FA Cup IS significant for Chelsea as it is the one competition they have a realistic chance of winning this season. Way behind in the Premier League title race, going out of the Champions League next week and out of the League Cup, a win in the FA Cup would help take the edge off a disastrous season for the Pensioners. More important is who they will appoint as a permanent successor to Andre Villas Boas. It looks increasingly like a return to London and Chelsea for the ‘Special One’, Jose Mourinho. Lampard, Terry and Cole will be praying for that, then they could hope for a return to the team as they were part of the mutual admiration society that existed between Mourinho and his players when the Portu-geezer was last at The Bridge. I personally would stick with Di Matteo and let him carry on doing what needs to be done. If not I would go for current Everton manager David Moyes. Yet another Scottish manager to add to the massive list

STEVE BOTT reports

already in place in jobs at the top of the football tree. There are currently no fewer than SEVEN Scots in charge at Premier League clubs. The biggest and most successful by far, not just in the Premier League but the world, is Manchester United's Sir Alex Ferguson. So why so many of 'em in top positions? Scots, as a breed, are generally tough, gritty, no-nonsense chaps and, like their countrymen and some women, have a huge love of "fitba". A lot of them are quite good at it too, on and off the pitch, which rather begs the question: "Why is their national team so poor?" Anyway, I would give the Chelsea job to Moyes or Di Matteo - and certainly wouldn't go anywhere near Rafa Benitez, the man who has been favourite for the job with a lot of newspapers and pundits, despite his success in winning the Champions League and FA Cup for Liverpool. He brought in more players at Liverpool than the number of nappies your average baby goes through in a matter of months, then claimed he had not been given enough money to bring in top-class stars. When he did bring one in, Fernando Torres, he was forever out of the side through injury and went on to become one of the biggest flops since a deflated bouncy castle when he moved to, yes, Chelsea for £50m. And anyway, who would serve me my paella and riocha down at my favourite tapas bar if the fat

Spanish waiter was taken on by Chelsea! It takes more than a plateful of fish and rice to keep Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich happy. He is another quick-change merchant and goes right against that old adage that continuity breeds success. And not for the first time there have been suggestions that Abramovich likes to have a big say in picking the team. Which brings me to Sunday night's excellent flyon-the-wall BBC documentary on QPR. It clearly exposed what players and fans have been saying for years. Chairmen and directors of football clubs are the biggest danger to, if not themselves, certainly their clubs. Racing car mogul Flavio Briatore and his henchman Gianni Paladinni were obnoxious, stupid, rude, offensive and nasty as well as clearly showing they knew nothing about how to get the best out of their managers and employees on the pitch. It was significant that as soon as Briatore was ushered into the background and kept at arm’s length in Italy - or at least away from Loftus Road - things started to improve. Another shareholder, Amit Bhatia, proved to be a steadying influence and worked hand in hand with Neil Warnock to oversee Rangers' promotion to the Premier League. If only there were more directors and shareholders like him. Another Rangers up in Glasgow would certainly go along with that sentiment!