The Courier week 57 by TKO UK

Edition 57

www.thecourier.es

Friday, March 23, 2012

Our latest issue is always online at www.thecourier.es

Be on guard for property cons, warns UK Embassy

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Saints alive, it’s the man himself! St Patrick and friends celebrate the big day at Cabo Roig with their favourite newspaper

What a day! St Paddy’s has never been quite so special

THE British Embassy has issued a warning to anyone thinking of buying property in Spain to act with “extreme caution” in the face of continuing scams. Property experts at the Embassy this week stressed the importance of taking great care with any purchase that appears “too attractive’’. And Embassy property adviser Alex Brown warned prospective buyers NOT to feel safe simply because they are using a solicitor. “You should exercise extreme caution if an estate agent, promoter or lawyer urges you to cut corners to save money or time”, he said. The warning comes as developers, promoters and estate agents become desperate to lure back buyers while the property market continues in free-fall. In a press release, the embassy said: “Despite the well-known problems facing thousands of past purchasers of property By AMANDA BLACK in Spain, the embassy is aware that there are still to avoid those who offer property industry representa- ways to save money and tives who are trying to tempt ‘speed up’ the Spanish confuture buyers with apparently veyancing system. And they stressed the attractive methods to secure importance of dealing only their dream homes more with reputable professionals. quickly or cheaply. “When you choose an “Such offers may in fact estate agent, promoter or be very bad value.” Embassy officials are now lawyer to help with your purwarning people to look out chase, check that they are for signs that all may not be qualified, reliable professionas it seems – urging buyers als and have significant

BUYERS BEWARE experience of operating in Spain and expert knowledge of how the system works,” said Brown. But choosing a professional lawyer is not always enough. Many innocent buyers have been caught in the nightmare of illegal property ownership because they believed that as long as they used a lawyer they would be protected. While the Embassy continues to stress the need to use

a lawyer, it warns on its website that caution is crucial. In addition to checks to make sure the lawyer is qualified and registered with the Colegio de Abogados, the Embassy stresses that buyers should NEVER use a lawyer recommended by anyone involved in the sale be it seller, estate agent, promoter or developer. “Numerous property owners are now experiencing problems with their property

because they did not seek independent legal advice and instead used lawyers and translators recommended by the estate agent/developer,” the website states. Although in the light of so many property horror stories the advice to use an independent lawyer sounds obvious, it had become almost standard practice among foreign purchasers in Spain to use a lawyer recommended by the sales agent.

WHAT a great St. Patrick’s Day that was at Cabo Roig on Saturday afternoon! We have lived here nearly six years now and have visited many St. Paddy’s Day parades – even in America. Saturday took some beating. We had family over from Ireland and they were amazed. My son said afterwards he was expecting one of the Irish bars decorated in white, green and gold, Guinness and perhaps some music. You should have seen his face when we arrived at the pyramid roundabout – and that was before the parade started! There was something for everyone, from Harley Davison bikes to musical bands. Even the children were catered for which is unusual because normally these types of shindigs are for adults. My son and his family will certainly be coming back to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with us next year. Thank you to the Town Hall and the local bars at Cabo Roig for a super day – we can’t wait until next year! MARGARET AND TOM, Villamartin

l PAT’S THE WAY TO CELEBRATE - Page 3

Friday, March 23, 2012

Silly cows should be scene and not herd

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96 692 1003 679 096 309 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Donna Gee Amanda Black Sally Bengtsson Rebecca Marks Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Steve Bott Tony Mayes Jake Monroe

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Picture of the Week

96 692 1003

Latest Issue always online at www.thecourier.es

BEYOND A SOAK! By AMANDA BLACK

IT was supposed to be the first day of spring – but for the people of Alicante province, it was more like floody hell. After months of drought, with scarcely a drop of rain, torrential downpours hit the region on Tuesday, causing widespread flooding. A massive 130 litres of rain per square metre deluged the town, which was cut off for hours by floods. Cars were abandoned on roads that quickly became rivers and the emergency services were overwhelmed by calls for help as water levels rose dangerously. Rain began falling at 4am and did not stop for 13 hours. It was accompanied by a sea storm and winds of up to 50kph. By 9am all four lanes of the CV905, the main road into Torrevieja, were submerged. The road remained impassable for five hours, only par-

Spring is here…on the day that the rains came down

called after a wall collapsed. Firefighters helped to evacuate people with mobility problems from homes in Calle Ramón Rubial, where water levels rose to half a metre. Many businesses were forced to remain closed as workers were blocked by flood waters -and pupils that made it to school were spared afternoon classes. Beaches were left needing a major clean up once wind and rain subsided. Temperatures also plummeted and the regional government declared an orange level pre-emergency for snow in parts of Valencia, Castellon and Alicante.

Roundabout...or roundaboat? Some hazard for Torrevieja traffic on Tuesday tially reopening later in the day. Some drivers caught in the deluge ended up in the ditch dug alongside the road earlier this year to cope with flooding. And in some cases fire crews had to rescue peo-

ple trapped in cars. Emergency services were inundated with calls for help, with the fire service alone receiving some 200 calls. Local Police and Guardia Civil officers were also kept busy responding to emer-

Friday Partly cloudy High 18° Low 10° Chance of rain 0% Monday Partly sunny High 19° Low 9° Chance of rain 2%

Tuesday Partly sunny High 19° Low 11° Chance of rain 2%

gency situations caused by the flood. A 50-year-old eucalyptus tree fell on a house in Calle Torrevejenses Ausentes after the downpour loosened its roots. And in Los Balcones, emergency services were

Saturday Cloudy High 18° Low 10° Chance of rain 8%

Sunday Partly cloudy High 18° Lo 10° Chance of rain 2%

Wednesday Cloudy High 19° Low 14° Chance of rain 45%

Thursday Partly Cloudy High 18° Lo 12° Chance of rain 9%

Friday, March 23, 2012

1,123 thanks! PAUL Cunningham Nurses, the charity r invited to collect donations at the St Patrick's Day Celebrations and Parade in Cabo Roig, raised a healthy €1123.89 from Saturday’s event. Said a PCN spokesperson: “Many, many thanks to all the Irish folk and the people who were Irish for the day - what a fun crowd of people!’’

Market traders join in the St Patrick’s Day fun at Los Montesinos (right) ... but back at Cabo Roig, 10-day-old Lionel Gormonly can’t see what all the fuss is about

PAT’S THE WAY TO CELEBRATE!

“CÉAD míle fáilte” - “a hundred thousand welcomes” - was the catchphrase of the day on Saturday.

It seems St. Patrick’s Day brings out the Irish in everyone - and Spain is no exception, especially along the white coast. From the splendidly organised Cabo Roig parade, to street markets and entertainment in Los Montesinos and Guardamar, to dozens of Irish pubs offering a drop of By KEITH NICOL the black stuff and a touch of Riverdancing; if you aren’t Councillor Connolly was Irish, you were certainly followed by Orihuela’s made to feel as if you were. Councillor for Mobility and The main event was Transport Martina Scheurer undoubtedly Spain’s only St. and then Councillor for Patrick’s Day Parade, which Tourism Pedro Mancebo. took place in Cabo Roig. Snr Mancebo said how Organised by the local delighted he was with the Traders Association, in con- great turnout and highlighted junction with Orihuela Town the multi-culturalism of the Hall. Orihuela Costa, saying: "A This second annual single man cannot do this parade was a tremendous alone, so I want you to work success, with an estimated with me and join in efforts for 8,000 to 9,000 visitors enjoy- a better future, full of opporing the Irish atmosphere on a tunities, for the municipality." warm and sunny afternoon. He added that he had choGuest of Honour and sen the title of ‘Colours’ for Grand Parade Marshal was the fiesta due to the nature of Independent Monaghan the colourful, international St. Councillor Paudge Connolly, Patrick's Day parade "where who started the fiesta with a red, yellow, green, white and few words of welcome in orange work together every Spanish, English and Gaelic. day, to improve Orihuela and

100,000 welcomes, they say in Ireland - and it seemed there were almost that many at Cabo Roig the living conditions of the Coast." With words of welcome finished, they took up their position behind St. Patrick and beside the TKO Roadshow, ready for the off, along with the other guests of honour Emilio Zaplana, Orihuela Councillor for Immigration and Brian Kiernan, representing the Cabo Roig Traders Association, More than 300 participants

made up the parade, which included 15 floats, more than a couple of Father Teds, five bands including Torrevieja Pipes and Drums and Just Brass. It was led by the local Harley Davidson Bikers Club, followed by car clubs and groups plus dancers, school groups, local associations and businesses, beauty queens, representatives of the local government team and former members of the

Irish Army. All in all, it was an outstanding day out, which organisers guarantee will be even bigger and better for 2013. Up the coast, the Moncayo Market also featured its fair share of entertainment along with its regular stalls. Its first St. Patrick’s Day event and Motor Fair featured more than 50 cars and bikes, much to the delight of the visiting public.

Los Montesinos held its inaugural St. Patrick’s Day fiesta, spread over two days, which included dozens of market traders, local entertainers plus copious amounts of food and drink! Entertainment included Exite Radio, Darren Jones, Benny, Emily Hullmann, Chris Holmes, Dave E Moss, Panacea, Snow Blind, Totally Dance, Zumba with Lisa, Silhouette and D-Zire.

Friday, March 23, 2012

GETTING ILL IN THE UK IS A SICK JOKE

THANK goodness we're here in Spain, because back in Britain the money grabbers are at it with a vengeance. In the last week has come news that hospitals, British Rail and numerous councils are doing their utmost to bleed motorists dry. Not only are diesel prices almost the highest in Europe, but trying to park the car is getting ever more expensive. And be warned, if you're going to be sick, don't do it in England. While hospital car parking in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland is almost entirely free, in England it is going up by leaps and bounds. In the past year, between a quarter and a fifth of hospital trusts have raised car parking charges, some by as much as 200 per cent. The worst is Chelsea and Westminster NHS Foundation Trust, which charges up to £3.50 per hour. Patient groups and charities are furious, claiming it is a tax on the sick, but the government and trusts argue that without the charges, NHS costs in England would rise by £100million and patient care would be compromised. It really is a sorry day that the UK has cut so much off health budgets that it has become so reliant on car park charges to make ends meet. It's the same sorry story with local councils - they are raking in £1.3 billion in car parking charges, an all-time record. And British Rail have jacked up car-parking prices at station car parks by 30 per cent - so beware of your next visit to rip-off Britain. It's not just visitors to hospitals who are being ripped off. It's patients too. Hospital patients are being forced to fork out up to £10 a day to watch their favourite TV programmes - while prisoners pay just £1 a week to watch shows and films in their cells. The cost of TV and internet packages in some hospitals has more than doubled in six years, prompting a health watchdog to warn that expensive prices have put them out of the reach of the poorest patients needing care. But if you think all this is bad, how about this sad news item from last week's papers? A seriously ill man died unnoticed in a busy A&E department after being left on a trolley for 20 hours. The 77-year-old was waiting all day to be transferred to another hospital, but by the time medics arrived to move him, he was dead. His widow said that there was "no dignity" in the way that he was treated at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast. The man was not in a critical condition when he was first taken to the emergency department so was not put straight into an ambulance. After being left on a trolley, the motor neurone disease sufferer died unnoticed before he was taken to Belfast City Hospital. He should have been checked by staff every 30 minutes, but sadly he died alone on the trolley. And it gets even worse - a watchdog body has hit out at

the "disgrace" of home care that sees patients left in soiled beds, not given medication and left without nutritious food and hydration. Frankly, I will take my chances with the medical system in Spain. My first brush with it came last week when I had to go to a local dentist’s surgery for treatment. And frankly, I was amazed how good they were, far superior than any dentist I have encountered in Britain. And the charges were lower than I have had to pay under the NHS. COULDN'T resist giving you this story. Apparently, research among male fruit flies has established that those who have been rejected by female flies turn to alcohol. Apparently alcohol stimulates the male flies' brains as a "reward" in a similar way to sexual conquest. In one set of experiments, male flies were put in a box with five virgin females, which were receptive to the males' advances. In another, males were locked up with females that had already mated and which thus roundly rejected the males' attempts at sex. Offered either their normal food slurry or a version charged with 15% alcohol, the mated males avoided the alcohol, whereas the sexually deprived males went on a comparative bender. Further tests are to be carried out among other species. So, next time you see a bunch of lads paralytic in a pub, you'll know why! THERE'S an interesting case going to be heard before the UK High Court, brought by a house buyer who discovered once he had moved in, that he was living next door to a neighbour from hell. Nowadays, property sellers have to disclose any problems

with neighbours, but these sellers claimed the person next door was an old man who tended to keep himself to himself. In fact, the neighbour had been jailed for harassing neighbours and given a decade-long ASBO. He had also been banned from wearing a sinister balaclava and ordered to take treatment after chasing three children with a knife. The new owner says he would not have bought the property had he known about the neighbour from hell, and is suing the previous owners for £100,000 damages. It makes me think that Spain needs similar safeguards. We were passing a property the other day which apparently is being used as a beer and wine store. Four ferocious Alsatian dogs, being used as guard animals, went berserk as we walked past, frightening us witless. Just imagine living next door to this property. And how often do we hear of complaints about dogs barking all day, of people feeding and attracting feral cats resulting in cat fights waking people up at night, and bars staying open much of the night causing no end of problems. I doubt whether any home seller in Spain, having these kinds of problems with neighbours, would willingly disclose them to a buyer. If you turned on your computer and suddenly found child sexual abuse images come up on the screen, what would you do? Well, if you live in the UK don't even think about going to the police to report it. One poor chap decided to download some music and found pornographic images on his laptop instead. He first discussed the situation with his wife and then decided to inform police. But instead of being treated as a person who was trying to uphold the law the father, aged 43, was treated like a paedophile and no longer can be alone with his own daughter. In marched social services who, it seems, see sex perverts in everyone, and decided the man should not have unsupervised access to his own or other children. Police seized the laptop and told him it might take a year before he gets it back. The man says he is totally innocent and police have not made any arrests or brought any charges, but the social services ban still exists. It's become a nightmare for the father since his wife started work and now the daughter has to go to her grandmother because the father cannot be alone with her. Here's the perfect example of how unwise it is to bring authority into your life in paedophile obsessed Britain. As a father my heart goes out to this man.

THE DIRTY DOZEN Mancebo’s bus plea SPANISH National Police have arrested 12 international fugitives in just six weeks - including one man found in Torrevieja. Among the 12 were suspected assassins, sex offenders, murderers and a kidnapper. Many were living in Spain under assumed identities. The man arrested in Torrevieja was identified to the press only as HROB, a Chilean national being sought by the Swedish authorities for sexual assault on a minor. A man arrested in Madrid – identified as

LCSR – was sought by the Mexican authorities in connection with the assassination of the general of the Mexican army, Jorge Juárez Loera. Another of the detainees – ARL - was wanted in the United States for robbing a jewellery store of diamonds valued at $300,000 and killing the shop owner. In Barcelona, police found DSL, wanted by Italian authorities for abducting several people who were later freed in exchange for 2,000 euro ransoms.

COUNCILLOR for tourism Pedro Mancebo wants the Alicante airport bus service extending to Orihuela Costa. A widening of the service, which currently stops in Torrevieja, was on the agenda at Mancebo’s meeting with the Valencian Community’s director general for tourism. The bus service has failed to attract the predicted high passenger numbers and Mancebo informed the tourism chief that it would be a more useful

and used service if it were extended to Orihuela Costa. “The airport bus service would be a magnet for tourists and visitors to the Orihuela Costa, especially in these difficult financial times,” said the councillor. He added that while people are trying to keep the cost of their holidays down, “paying for expensive taxi journeys to and from the airport is just not realistic”.

Friday, March 23, 2012

TOULOUSE’S MAD MURDERER KILLED IN 32-HOUR SIEGE THE CRAZED gunman who slayed children and soldiers over a two-week killing spree is dead. He was shot in the head by police as a 32-hour siege finally ended in France yesterday (Thursday). It also emerged that al-Qaeda supporter Mohamed Merah, 24, filmed all three of his gun attacks in Toulouse which he told officers he had posted online - police say they have seen the videos. Police surrounded the apartment after they traced him to his home in the early hours of Wednesday — days after he had shot dead three children and a teacher a few miles away. In a bid to end the siege they had tried to scare Merah (pictured) out of the property with a series of explosions last night and this morning but the attempts failed. Instead they stormed his flat just before lunchtime, clearing rooms until they discovered him hiding in the bathroom. Merah burst out, spraying shots at officers, who tried to protect themselves from the blasts. As the fanatic tried to leap from a window police shot him in the head.

Interior Minister Claude Gueant said: "When a means of investigation was introduced into the bathroom, the killer came out from the bathroom shooting very violently. The bursts of gunfire were frequent and hard. Officers of course tried to protect themselves, to return fire, and then in the end, Mohamed Merah jumped out of the window with a gun in his hand, continuing to fire. He was found dead on the ground." The prosecutor said the gunman, in his first killing of a paratrooper on March 11, is heard on the video saying: "You kill my brothers; I kill you." When killing two other paratroopers four days later in the nearby town of Montauban, he cried out: "Allahu Akbar," or "God is great" in Arabic. On Monday he shot dead three children and an adult at a Jewish school in Toulouse. The dead were 30-year-old teacher Jonathan Sandler, his sons Arieh, aged 5, and Gabriel, aged 4, and seven-year-old Myriam Monsonego, the daughter of the school's principal.

Nun, 80, ‘stole baby from mum’ AN 80-year-old nun has been accused of baby snatching as part of a 40-year trafficking scandal. Sister María Gómez is the first person to be formally named as a suspect in the investigation into the ‘abduction’ of more than 1,500 babies who were sold or given away for adoption without their mothers’ consent . At present, the charge applies to only one case – that of María Luisa Torres and her daughter, Pilar, who is now 29. However, many other victims also claim Sister Gómez played a role in the disappearance of their children. After giving birth at the Santa Cristina hospital in Madrid (pictured) where Gómez worked in 1982, Torres was first told her baby had died. Then, when she demanded to see the body, that she had been put up for adoption. When the distraught mother complained, Gómez allegedly threatened to take away her first child by her estranged husband and

denounce her for the crime of infidelity. Torres told Antena 3 television that Gomez’s words were: 'I'm taking this one away and I can take the other one too. And then you'll go to jail,'" Later the nun is alleged to have told Pilar’s adopted parents that her mother had been a prostitute. Mother and daughter were reunited last summer after Torres’s two other daughters searched for their missing sister. The stolen baby scandal has shamed Spain. Victims and campaigners claim that networks of doctors, nurses and nuns who stole and sometimes sold babies were allowed to operate freely in many parts of the country up until the early 1980s. What began as a system for removing babies from families deemed politically dangerous by the dictatorship of General Francisco Franco allegedly evolved into an illicit business that targeted single mothers and the poor.

Friday, March 23, 2012

OH, DOÑA! ... what a good night!

THE Torrevieja Branch of the Royal British Legion had another successful social meeting at the Doña Isabel Restaurant in San Miguel. Fifty members and guests were treated to an excellent meal, perfectly prepared and served by Diego and Doña Isabel. The restaurant also donated wine to the raffle, which raised 90 euros. British Legion chairman Gillian Burdon, along with social organiser Dianne Budd, presented Diego with a letter of thanks and

Join the Lions for the mane attraction

Gill Burdon presents Diego with the letter of thanks

appreciation for his excellent service to the Royal British Legion. The Legion has a host of activities planned for the rest of the year, including the celebration of the Queen’s 60th year of reign and excursions to various parts of Spain. The newly formed RBL Legionnaires Bowls Club meets every Tuesday and Saturday 1.30pm at La Siesta Bowls Club. Membership is open to both ex-military and non-military.

IT is time once again for the gents to look out the DJs and the ladies to put on their ball gowns. The Torrevieja Costa Lions Club is holding its annual Charter Dinner and Dance, with proceeds from the event going to support AFA Torrevieja, The Alzheimers Association. This excellent black-tie event is to be held this year in Restaurante Marjal, Guardamar del Segura on April 14. The evening commences at 7.30pm with a cava and canapes reception. Guests will then enjoy a fine threecourse meal with wine. During the evening there will be fun and games with some excellent prizes to be won. Once the formal part of the evening is over guests will dance the night away to the music of PDQ. Tickets at €25 are available from any Lion member HELP At Home (HAH) is holding an auction of Promises - and your help or from President Iain Bennett on idsbennett@ is needed. The charity already has some fantastic pledges to auction but is looking for more people hotmail.co.uk or 966 731 495. or businesses that can offer a promise help out this good cause. A BE Nice Day of HAH’s volunteers are after services that people can bid for - giving auction-goers the sponsored five-kilochance to get something for a bargain price while the charity raises much-needed funds. Promises already pledged include ladies to do your Spring cleaning, airport runs, garden metre walks is to be held in the Costa Blanca on maintenance, painting and decorating, hairstyling and a portrait sitting. Maybe you could offer a game of golf or snooker, car maintenance, pool cleaning, appli- Sunday May 6. The events will raise ance servicing or a meal in funds for local organisayour restaurant. SIXTIES singing legend Ricky tions with at least 15% Whatever you can promValance has spent much of going to local Caritas to ise, contact HAH today to the last five months back in help those most in need. make your pledge. the UK working with camera In Torrevieja, the event is As well as helping HAH crews and doing live theatre being run by the Costa continue its excellent work, if shows. Lions Club at La Mata you are a business you get But he’s found time to Natural Park in aid of AFA the added benefit of showreturn ‘home’ to the Costa Torrevieja, the Alzheimers casing your services to Blanca for a three-date mini Association. They will potential new clients. tour with Jukebox Legends receive, quite literally, the The auction will be held on next month. Lions share - i.e. 85 per April 19 at the Novo Venues (8.30pm start): The cent of the funds raised. Carthago restaurant (Paddy Club, Quesada (966717028); Anyone can enter - it is Singh’s) in Los Urrutias. Las Palmeras, Crevillente not a race, so you don’t For further details, call 968 (965400188); Costa Narejos need to be an athlete. For 134 978, or email helpathHotel, Los Alcazares more info or to register, omespain@gmail.com. It (968583980). Tickets at the contact charity@bayradio. promises to be a really good venues or online at fm or Lion President on night, with free entry and www.jukeboxpromotions.co.u idsbennett@hotmail.co.uk, restaurant and bar snacks k (ticket info line 695135134). or 966 731 495. available. Booking essential.

HAH PLEDGES GO UNDER HAMMER l

THE funeral took place last Friday (March 16) at the Torrevieja Tanatoria of El Raso resident John Wesley Jenkins (Jack). Swansea-born Jack worked as a fireman for Great Western Railways before joining South Wales Police and ending his career as a traffic patrolman. He later became Comet’s head of Security. before finally retiring in 2004 and moving to Spain. Jack is survived by Jackie, daughter Sharon, son Craig, daughter-in-law Christie, granddaughter Chloe, son Mark and partner Tom. Both Craig and Mark are themselves serving policemen. The service was conducted by Pastor Keith Brown of La Siesta Evangelical church and the Eulogy given by Mark and Christie, followed by words from Jack’s friend Terry Joy. Music included Land of my Fathers, World in Union Dance with my Father by Luther Vandross and finally Time to Say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman. A collection was made at Jackie's request on behalf of the Hospital in Badalona, Barcelona, where Jack was treated.

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Grease sells like lightning

REHEARSALS for Stagestruck’s production of Ancient Grease are going well and tickets are selling fast for what promises to be a very entertaining night out. Director Stella Reardon said: “Support shown for the group has been absolutely amazing and the whole cast is working very hard and very enthusiastically to get everything just right. “We’re all very excited and looking forward to putting on a superb show.” You can see Ancient Grease at the School of Music and Culture in Los

Montesinos on May 24, 25 and 26 at 8pm. Tickets cost five euros, which includes a complimentary glass of wine, and can be booked by calling Stella on 966 786 154 or Sally on 648 783 601. HELP At Home Costa Blanca’s volunteers have two great events planned for this Easter Good Friday on April 6. The day kicks off for HAH with an Easter Fayre at Asturias Restaurante, Punta Prima from 11am to 4pm. There

will be homemade cakes, Easter treats and goods for sale on the terrace. Then in the evening, the partying starts with a Caribbean Roadshow at Rincon del Crisis, Torretta II Torrevieja (follow the Mercadona signs), from 6pm to late. It promises to be a lively event with reggae, BBQ, Limbo dancing, stalls and fun activities for all ages. For more information on Help At Home Costa Blanca, call Sheila on 603 245 020 or email info@helpathomecb.org

Friday, March 23, 2012

A SQUAWK IN THE PARK IF you can afford to buy the overpriced Daily Wail, you may have read their article confirming that England’s greedy hospitals are fleecing visitors of tens of millions a year in car-park charges. That’s tens of millions more than the amount taken by their caring Scottish and Welsh counterparts, who realised years ago that it is morally and factually disgraceful to make people pay to visit sick and dying loved ones. How on earth do you justify charging the wife of a terminally ill cancer patient up to £4 an hour to visit her husband? It’s as obscene as the idea of Ann Widdecombe baring her all on Page 3 of The Sun (perish the thought). English hospitals made a cool £32m last year…just from car park charges. And we’re not talking about the odd few bob a head but up to £3.50 an hour. A sizeable chunk of that money came, not from visiting drivers, but from hospital employees. For instance, nurses at Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital have had to pay £20 for a weekly carpark pass – or been forced to leave their cars a mile or more away. It’s enough to send any self-respecting hospital employee scurrying for the border…and a job in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, which effectively abolished car park charges of any sort three or four years ago. Better still, move to Spain! I’ve spent time as an inpatient at hospitals in both Elche and Torrevieja over the past couple of years, and my visitors were not charged a centimo to park their cars. From what I can gather

from friends in other parts of Spain, the same free-parking policy operates at hospitals from Malaga to Lorca and from Denia to Villajoyosa. How different to the money-grabbing system in England, where more than a quarter of hospital trusts have INCREASED car parking charges for patients and visitors. Data from 197 hospital and mental health trusts found that while some have decreased prices, 28% have upped charges - some by over 100%. In September 2010, the government announced it would not back a pledge made by Labour to scrap car parking charges in England's hospitals, saying the plan could not be justified. Health Minister Simon Burns concedes that no one should be paying extortionate amounts to park in an National Health Service car park, but insists: ‘’Introducing free hospital car parking

could cost the NHS more than £100 million - money that would otherwise be spent on patient care." So presumably, Mr Burns, that means the £100 million IS now being used for patient care? And if that is the case, how come so many outpatients are waiting hours and hours beyond the scheduled time to see doctors and specialists – and to have treatment? To cynics like myself, the relevant equation, of course, is…the longer you wait in outpatients, the higher the

Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital: £15 a day to park

executive of the Patients Association, laments: "The extraordinary rise in the price of car parking at our hospitals is alarming. "Patients and visitors who attend hospital on a regular basis and for long periods of time are being forced to pay these exorbitant charges. It is often money patients do not have in these troubled financial times and is a tax on the sick when people have already paid for their health service." My granddaughter Daisy suffers from Crohn’s Disease and has spent a considercar-park charge awaiting you able amount of time in when you finally escape the Manchester’s ultra-modern Royal Children’s Hospital. consulting room. It’s the same equation that The kindly local NHS Trust works wonders for the UK have a voucher system that Airport Authority, who must allows close relatives to use the vast multi-storey car park drool with glee when incomat a special daily rate of £5. ing flights arrive hours How generous…just £35 a behind schedule. week to spend time with your Manchester Airport, for own kids when they need example, siphons off a you most! And my daughter whopping £15 for tells me that it’s basically only motorists forced to park up regular visitors who are for more than two hours to aware of the voucher reducmeet delayed passengers. tion. Which means that most But back to the hospitals people pay the standard £15 and Katherine Murphy, chief per day charge. And don’t tell me the money all goes to improve the NHS. In a country where every working person pays an ever-increasing N a t i o n a l Insurance contribution, surely NOONE should have to pay to visit a loved one in their time of need.

Wales on the bawl; England steal the headlines I DON’T know what the future holds for the ‘popular’ UK daily press but some of them, it seems, just can’t win. It’s bad enough that so many people now opt to absorb their daily news from the internet. But soothing a disgruntled reader can be a nearimpossible challenge. My Welsh neighbours, for instance, say they will never buy the Sunday Express again after the Beaverbrook empire’s former flagship relegated the Six Nations Grand Slam

WANT TO COMMENT? Email donna@ thecourier.es winners to rugby also-rans at the weekend. They bought the paper expecting to be treated to endless words eulogising the champions. Instead, they had to beat a path through three full pages featuring the arch-enemy, England, to find any reference to their heroes. In the Fleet Street ratrace, the only thing that matters is selling newspapers. And since England’s population is a dozen times bigger than that of Wales, the apportioning of space by London sports editors is a no-brainer. But had my friends bought their Sunday Express in Swansea, the headlines in the Welsh edition would have told a completely different story. You can take that as red.

HAVING spent most of my life in Manchester, where I swear it rained every day for 27 years, I should have felt at home in Tuesday’s much-needed cloudburst. But an entire day without seeing the sun left me drained...which is more than can be said for the roads around Torrevieja. It might be worth splashing out a few of those euros nobody has on a bit of underground plumbing. Maybe the ayuntamientos can do a swop with the UK and show them how to keep their reservoirs full rather than screaming drought every time the rain stops for ten minutes.

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Friday, March 23, 2012

IT’S ALL A LOAD OF OLD RUBBISH

I HAVE recently discovered a new way to find friends. All you have to do is arrange for a builder's skip to be placed outside your home. Within minutes, strangers will appear from all corners of the neighbourhood, bearing unwanted gifts. 'Hi,' the typical caller will greet you. 'I live up the street/around the bend/just over the road/ and was wondering if you had room for this old ironing board/budgie cage/table tennis table/ in your skip.' And before you can respond with: 'Well, I'd like to have the opportunity to put MY OWN rubbish in first,' your visitor will say: 'You must pop in for a coffee/tea/Horlicks some time soon.' 'I'm getting fed up with those presumptuous people,' I commented in the pub. 'And that's just the folk who at least show a bit of respect and first knock on my front door. 'There are others who creep round to my house in the dark and dump obsolete battleships.' Dave the barman raised an eyebrow and paused in midpull of a pint. 'Surely not,' he said. 'Decommissioned sea vessels would fetch a fortune from scrap metal dealers. Why bother chucking one in your skip?' 'Okay, okay,' I said sourly. 'Maybe I exaggerate. But my skip is certainly a magnet for the district's garbage. I have enough old mops to open up a . . . er . . . mop shop.' Dave the barman handed me my pint. 'I don't know why you bothered to hire a skip in the first place. There's always the municipal tip. A few trips there and you could have saved yourself money and aggravation.' 'I went to the tip once,' I said. 'It was a load of rubbish.' Dave the barman and my fellow drinkers groaned in unison. 'It's true,' I said. 'I was dumping my trash when some smart Alec in a hard hat approached and advised me to move my car because it was too near the recycling bins. Either do that, he advised, or keep the engine running to show the vehicle was still driveable. 'And then the cheeky beggar winked at me. Well, it's not my fault my motor is past its best.' 'It's impossible,' declared one of the other boozers seated at the bar. Thinking the guy was about to burst into a chorus of the old Perry Como hit, I climbed off my stool and wandered into

the gents to stare at myself in the mirror. I do that a lot -- staring into mirrors, not visiting the gents. Mrs S claims that it is because of vanity. I maintain that it is quite the opposite. I lack self-esteem and have to check in mirrors to make sure I really do exist. Anyway, I returned to the bar and the guy was repeating: 'It's impossible.' I turned to Dave the barman. 'What's impossible?' I asked. Dave shook his head and then whispered into my ear. 'Don't encourage him,' he begged quietly. 'He's a nice bloke but the guy is not quite the full Euro when he's in drink.' The guy at the bar turned to me. 'I'll tell you what's impossible. Fitting a battleship into a skip, even a maxi-sized one.' I thought for a moment and then announced to the others: 'He's right, you know. It can't be done.' 'Told you!' the guy at the bar whooped. 'Anyway, I must go home now. The shipping forecast is about to start on the radio.' Which reminds me. I had an unfortunate experience once with a wheelie bin. The container was full and the refuse collectors weren't due for another few days.

When Mrs S emerged from the back door carrying more armfuls (armsful?) of rubbish I decided I would tackle the problem in a scientific way. Waiting until Mrs S had returned indoors (she would only have stopped me doing what I was about to do), I leapt onto the garden wall. Leaping across, I grabbed hold of the drainpipe and swung myself around, coming to rest standing on top of the open bin. Like a manic grape-treader, I jumped up and down on the garbage and, as I had carefully worked out beforehand, the level started to drop. Unfortunately, what I had not allowed for was that most of ME was now in the bin and I could not raise either of my tired legs high enough to clamber out. What to do next? I leaned as far forward as I could and with the nearest piece of rubbish to hand -- the inner cardboard tube from a tinfoil roll -- I tapped on the kitchen window. 'Mrs S!' I hissed. 'I need your help.' She emerged from the house and stared at me. 'Don't tell me,' Mrs S said. 'You're off to a fancy dress party as a Dalek.' 'Shurrup!' I shouted as quietly as I could. 'I don't want the neighbours seeing me like this. Just grab the handle, tilt the bin backwards and wheel me round to the back of the house.' But, of course, my predicament was too good an opportunity to miss. As Mrs S rolled the wheelie bin towards the back garden, me still brandishing the cardboard tube like a weapon, she yelled out at regular intervals: 'Exterminate! Exterminate!' Her cries brought out the neighbours and a jolly good laugh was had by all, even when the wheelie bin tipped over and expelled me and the rubbish. Fortunately, the only injury was to my feelings. 'It serves you right,' said Mrs S, brushing the last of the potato peelings off my shoulders. 'You might have broken your worthless neck with a daft stunt like that.' 'It's all your fault,' I accused her. 'I've never known anyone get through so much garbage in a week.' Mrs S shrugged. 'Well then,' she said. 'Why not hire a skip? You could fit a battleship into one of those things.'

WILL GENERAL STRIKE HIT HARD? SPAIN will be hit by a general strike next Thursday - unless an unlikely 11th hour agreement is reached between unions and government. And while levels of popular support for the stoppage over cuts and labour reforms are in question, March 29 is still likely to see consid-

erable disruption. Many businesses and public services will shut down and flights and public transport could be particularly hard hit. The two main unions organising the strike – CCOO and UGT – have called for minimum service levels on public transport. They want only

30% of suburban commuter trains to remain operational, with just 25% running outside of rush hour. And they are calling for only 20% of trains to run on longer routes of more than 500km. Airports could also see heavy cancellations and disruption.

Spanish slave traders arrested

SPANISH police have made 11 arrests, and broken up two gangs that allegedly forced young Romanian women to work as prostitutes and arranged marriages for them to nonEU citizens. A police state-

ment released on Monday said the two related groups operated in southern and eastern cities including Valencia and had 'ramifications' in Germany and Portugal. One of the groups spe-

cialised in forging documents so as to arrange marriages between Romanian women and usually men from Nigeria so the latter could obtain EU residence permits. The other group recruited

women in Romania and took their passports away once they got into Spain. They then forced them to work as prostitutes until they paid off the "debt" accrued by being brought to Spain.

Friday, March 23, 2012

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH LESSON 12: Verbs (continued) NOW we are becoming familiar with verbs, we will move on and look at ´to be´ In Spanish, there are two verbs that mean ´to be´ - SER and ESTAR. In English, for the verb ´to be´, we say – I am, you are, he/she/it is, we are, they are. In Spanish, SER and ESTAR both mean this but are used in different situations. SER: To remember which of the two verbs to use, there is a general rule. Ser tends to be used for PERMANENT states, such as, I am a woman, I am English.

Situations that use SER ORIGIN: Where you are from will never change. If you were born in London, you will always have been born in London. Yo SO - I am from London; ¿de donde ERES tú? where are you from? RELATIONSHIPS: Any relationships, whether familial or selected, use SER. Ellos SON mis padres – they are my parents; Ella ES mi hermana – she is my sister; Él ES mi marido – he is my husband PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES: Even though some physical attributes can be changed, such as hair colour, this usually

takes some time and they all use SER. SOY alto/a – I am tall; Ellos SON delgados – They are thin PERSONALITY: All people have their own personality which does not change, not to be confused with moods, which of course can change. Ella ES amable – she is nice; SON cómicos – They are funny POSSESSION: What you own is yours and no one can take it from you unless you give it away and it no longer is yours La casa ES mía – the house is mine; El cristal ES mío – the cristal is mine PROFESSION: When we have a job, however many hours we do, we take a responsibility to do that job for a certain period of time, not to take the job and resign the next day. Therefore it has a degree of permanence. Perry Mason ES abogado; Ustedes SON estudiantes – All of you are students IDENTIFICATION: To identify anything, animal, vegetable or mineral, you use SER, even for things that are not tangible. Ésta ES una frase – this is a sentence; El señor Ed ES

un caballo – Mr Ed is a horse DATE AND TIME: It may be strange to think of the time as permanent. At this stage it is not necessary to go into detail, it is just important that you remember. Hoy ES el veintitrés de marzo – today is the 23rd of March; ¿Qué hora ES? – What time is it? NATIONALITY: Along with your place of origin, your nationality will not generally change. Note that nationalities are not capitalised in Spanish. SOY inglésa; Antonio Banderas ES español NATURAL : This is a bit tricky because colours can change; however, when you are talking about the colour we associate with something, we use SER. For example, the grass can become brown after a drought but in general grass is green. La hierba ES verde – the grass is green; La leche ES blanca – the milk is white; La bandera del reino unido ES roja, blanca y azul - the flag of the United Kingdom is red, white and blue. Here are the answers to last week’s questions: I live in Spain – Vivo en españa Where do you buy food? - ¿Donde compras comida? Do you speak Spanish? - ¿Hablas español? I walk the dog – Yo ando el perro I drink lager – Yo bebo cerveza And here is your homework for this week. Translate the following into Spanish - I hope you have your dictionary handy as I will be adding some words we haven´t done yet: I am English; he is from Scotland; she is tall; Brad Pitt is an actor; the car is brown; the chair is mine; the banana is yellow; I am a student. Next week we will be dealing with the other verb which means ´to be´.

Friday, March 23, 2012

WHY DO THEY DO THAT? Top dog psychologist PETER SINGH writes exclusively for The Courier. Check out www.thedogyouneed.com or email Peter at peter@thedogyouneed.com

THE DAY I REALISED DOGS WERE MY LIFE WHEN dogs look at you with those big loving eyes, they are expressing that they would do anything for you, go anywhere with you and at any time of the day or night. Dogs have a lot to offer humans. They work as therapy dogs in hospitals and homes around the world. They help rehabilitate prisoners and people who have been abused. They serve in the police force and the army. They guide people who can’t see. They help owners in predicting when a seizure will occur - and they are the best in the world at sending our blood pressure the right way. Many people I meet say they prefer dogs to humans and, yes, I am a fully fledged subscriber to that opinion. Dogs can simply help us in a way that humans can’t. I was raised in a world of violence and eventually ended up in front of a counsellor and then a therapist, neither of whom could give me any hope or help in any way at all. I am lucky, though, because eventually I found myself a different type of therapist. He doesn’t judge me, is there for me 24 hours a day and in return he just wants me to always make sure that my energy is calm and that I am for him what he is for me –my Guardian Angel. He doesn’t have the qualifications my previous counsellors and therapists had and to be quite honest, he does not need them, because he is a natural at it. He taught me that if I am calm then so is he - and he is my very own German Shepherd, Billy. I am in the process of writing my first book and in the very first chapter I relate what I witnessed as a child and who helped me to pursue a dream I am lucky enough to be living today. The following is part of that first chapter, where I describe a scene in which violence once again broke out in our house: I can hear the sirens in the distance of the police on their way to save my Mum. They arrive and try to restore calm and peace but it’s not them who manage that. As I look to our front door, I can see two big ears standing up and underneath them two big brown eyes, surrounding by black and beige fur. He’s big, real big and he commands respect and gets it quickly. This black and beige bundle of fur has managed to do what humans couldn’t. He has created peace and calm in our flat in an instant. He has just created what I have always longed for, as I have been witnessing violence since I was a baby. Who is he, what is he and what’s his name? All I know at this point is that when I grow up and I am an adult, I want one of them. I want one because as far as I am now concerned, they create peace and calm. That is what they stand for, and that is something I really need. I am drained, drained from feeling terrified, drained from feeling insecure and drained from the psychological damage all this violence has done to my head. I’m only a kid, but I’m not a normal kid. I constantly worry about what has happened and what may happen - and more disturbingly I can sense that all this worry has done further damage to my mind than just the normal sensation of worry. As young as I am, I realise this. But I have just witnessed a big black and beige dog walk into our flat and create what I have always wanted. My respect and admiration for dogs is created in an instant. As well as being a disturbed child through this violence, I am also maybe a little clever too. Clever enough to realise that what this dog just did by his presence was amazing to see - and clever enough to recognise that all dogs can create peace and calm. So that’s what I’m going to do when I’m big. I’m going to own my very own dog. But not just any dog. I’m going to love and live with my very own creator of peace and calm. My very own German Shepherd.

A dream come true: Peter with Billy, his very own German Shepherd

ASK PETER: Your questions answered

Rescue us from the mad world of our rescue dog!

HI PETER, Just over a year ago we adopted a very nervous rescue dog with a lot of problems, fortunately she has improved vastly and is a lovable little dog but always craving attention! As she is a rescue dog we do not know how she has been treated in the past. At the moment the problem is that she gets very agitated when out on the lead if she sees something that she is not sure of, whether it be a person, dog or cat, also if we pass a gate where she knows there is a dog, she starts to whine, growl and whimper and tries to charge at the offending object. I make her stop and sit until she calms down but she just does it again. Am I doing the right thing or making it worse? Our other dog just strolls past and doesn't bother at all. Also she jumps up to have her lead put on, if you try to put it on when all four legs are on the floor, her ears go flat, she rolls on her back and pees everywhere, we can´t get her out of that. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Thanks LYNDA RIDSDALE, Alicante.

PETER REPLIES: It is all to do with your energy when you are walking her. If you’re feeling nervous or anxious when you are approaching a stranger, dog or cat, this will make her react in a negative way. When you see anything in the future that may cause her a negative reaction, remember do not avoid them and do not get nervous, anxious, angry or frustrated. This is the key to rehabilitating any rescue dogs. The first sign she shows of a negative reaction towards anything, you must correct that state of mind. You can gently tug the lead to the side to correct her and carry on walking. Regarding putting her lead on, you must wait until she stops showing excitement. If you put the lead on during this time, the walk will not represent calm. The state of mind the dog is in, when they have the lead put on and when they walk out of their front door determines the nature of the walk.So it has to be calm in both of these areas and patience towards your dog. Good Luck

HI PETER, I have a two-year-old rescue German Shepherd who is amazing and has no issues whatsoever. What I would like to know is when would it be best to feed him. Before or after the walk? Thank you KATIE REEVES, Benferri

PETER REPLIES: It is always best to feed any dog after the walk. This is for two reasons. The first is that dogs still want to feel they are working for their food - and the walking with you is the working. Secondly, and most importantly, is because of the medical condition known as gastric torsion, or bloat, as some people call it. If the dog is fed before the walk,, the stomach can then twist as they run and they die very shortly after this. It is a major killer in German Shepherds and other large chested dogs. Also, if it is really hot and you are out walking, don't let your dog drink excess water and then start to run as the same thing can happen. When you return home after the walk, let your dog cool down and after about one hour it is then safe to feed him.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Costa stage kids wow at auditions TWO young pupils from The Dance Academy & Stage School have taken a step toward fulfilling their dream of a career in performing arts. Sixteen-year-old Paris Brumitt and Alex Brodie-Scott, 17, have both won coveted places on top courses in the UK. Despite being one of the youngest to audition, Paris won one of a very limited number of places at Leicester College of Performing Arts. She was up against hundreds of other young hopefuls and not only won a place, but was offered a scholarship for the three-year course. Paris also took her Intermediate Classical Ballet Exam while in the UK, passing with distinction. Alex auditioned for the prestigious Italia Conti School in London, gaining a place on a one year intensive musical theatre course. Sadly for many on the Costa Blanca this means Alex will no longer be a regular fixture here with his band, The Coustics. Both Alex and Paris are seniors at The Dance Academy & Stage School and have worked extremely hard for their success under the expert guidance of school principal Miss Suzanne. The talented youngsters will be following in the footsteps of many other former pupils who have gained places on dance and theatre courses in the UK. The school, now in its ninth year, gives pupils the chance to develop their potential and to take advantage of some incredible performance experiences. At the end of last year, pupils performed in London’s West End at the Shaftesbury Theatre. All relished the opportunity to appear at such a high-profile venue, although for some, Miss Suzanne admits, standing outside Shayne Ward’s

All ears and Guinness at Cabo Roig St Patrick’s parade... and you’re not having our Courier, either!

dressing room was almost as much of a thrill! It is occasions like this West End show that inspired Paris, Alex and other former pupils to pursue their dream of a career treading the boards. Having filmed an advert for the I Expo 2012, students are now busy preparing for a performance at the Benidorm Palace. Then, in June, they will be part of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations in Torrevieja. They are also devising and performing their own musical, which will also be open to performers from outside the academy, with auditions planned for anyone wishing to take part as long as they have dance, acting or singing training. The Dance Academy has used its industry links and has an agreement to hire a West End theatre in London for one week to perform the musical, so look out for audition dates which will be announced soon. There will be no charge for taking part in the musical, but all performers will have to save to pay for their own costs to London for the performance. For more information, contact Miss Suzanne on 627 371 731 or email thedanceacademyandstageschool@yahoo.co.uk

No need to go it alone IF you are on your own and would like to meet others in the same situation than join the 50+ Solos at Uncle Ottos, Torretta 2 on 31 March at 12.45pm. There is also a meal on April 14 at Chuleton, Washington Square, San Luis. No subs or fees. The group supports homeless ex-military living rough and H4Hs. For details call Ruth on 966789063.

LÍNEA DIRECTA, THE BEST CAR INSURANCE FOR EXPATRIATES Línea Directa offers its 70,000 customers residing in Spain the most complete car insurance on the market, with services available entirely in English, which they can take advantage of by making just one phone call at a time which is convenient for them. Here are just a few of the services available offering Expatriates exclusive benefits: • LEGAL ASSISTANCE. This service offers the company’s customers advice on Spanish legislation in matters of housing, consumption, family and labour law or driving.

• TRAVEL ASSISTANCE. If the Línea Directa customer is a victim of theft outside Spain, the company will provide accommodation in a hotel of up to four stars.

• HOME REPAIRS. In addition to repairing windscreens at the customer’s home, Línea Directa also offers to collect and deliver the car to one of its network repairers, and acts as an intermediary in any matter relating to the repair process.

• FINE MANAGEMENT. This service offers the customers advice on traffic fines in their own language, as well as notifying them on the official state bulletins, a benefit specially designed for expatriates. And now home insurance too Línea Directa offers an exclusive Premium policy designed for foreign residents in Spain, which apart from offering the best cover on the market, also offers customer service in English.

For more information: 902 123 104

Friday, March 23, 2012

A PERFECT LOVE

´I KNOW I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world and fool enough to think that´s what I´ll find´…

So sang the hauntingly beautiful voice of Karen Carpenter - and this has been my mantra throughout my life. But I also ask perfection of love, so is that why I have yet to find my true love? My one soulmate? Am I searching for perfect love in a world where love is imperfect? I have never been married, I didn´t marry my son´s father for certain reasons but I think one of them was that I didn´t love him with all my heart. He wasn´t the one I had been searching for. Of course, for the first few months it was perfect, holding hands, cuddling in the supermarket checkout line, we called ourselves the cariñito couple (cariñito in English means loving). But it began to get monotonous, the first flushes began to fade and tedium took over, as in every relationship, and I was prepared for it. But it was during that time that I was forced to realise that he wasn´t my soulmate. However, by then I was pregnant and, wanting to keep the baby, I gave him an ultimatum: stay with me and raise this child or leave now and have whatever contact he did or didn´t want.

Karen Carpenter: Haunting

I acknowledged then that this was not true love. True love would have made me happy to be pregnant, would have made me run into the arms of my love and shout the news from the rooftops. Not tell him the news and give him the opportunity to run from me. As it was, he obviously stayed but now I see how much better it would have been if he had gone, in so many ways my life would have been easier. But that´s another story. So, what makes a woman like me settle

for less than perfect? So many women my age have been through relationships and are finding themselves single in their 40s and 50s, from famous people like Madonna and Sandra Bullock to the woman who lives just down the road. We are all being hit by the relationship we wanted to work failing on us. Whether that´s down to us or them, the effect is the same. We are left on our own, with or without children; we are left to pick up our lives and carry on. I, for one, took some time when my ex left to get my life back together. I spent time with just my son and friends. I then put myself back out there and began to relax and enjoy life once again. Then, when I was happy with myself and content that my son was settled, I began to look for the one true love of my life. I hadn´t met him before I was sure, so he must still be out there. We all know that we have one true love at least; I believe we have maybe two or three because one is so hard to find. But I also believe that this person comes into your life when you really need him, whether it´s at 16, 36 or 66. If I

Sandra Bullock: Single

had met the love of my life when I was 16 I wouldn´t have had the experiences I have had and wouldn´t be the person I am today. I certainly wouldn´t have as much to write about! As long as I still believe in perfect love in an imperfect world, I can let my heart rule my head occasionally and I will continue to enjoy the ride. I have my son so there is no biological clock ticking and I know that one day my prince will come.

Friday, March 23, 2012

FROM RED CASE TO ED CASE I’m sure there were more people surprised by who killed Frank Foster on Coronation Street than by the details of George Osborne’s Budget. There had been more co-ordinated leaks in the papers about its contents than in a whole row of kitchen sieves when the Chancellor stood up to read his speech in the Commons at Wednesday lunchtime. But there were many good things in that red despatch box. The big rabbit out of the hat was the hike in personal tax allowances to over £9k next April, and good incentives for business and employment to rise with one of the lowest rates for Corporation Tax in Europe. Yes, the 50p tax rate for high earners is going down, but most of that tiny group were working round it anyway, and it was hardly a good incentive for small business owners to take on more workers. There is a substantial giveaway in this package, but the clawing back will happen some three years down the road in the welfare area, and of course after the next election! Osborne appeared to be in good form, whilst there was a response from Ed Miliband which bordered on the hysterical, where he only wanted to attack the government on the high earners tax rate. It was poor fare from the Opposition leader, who, courtesy of all the leaks, could have made a far more measured and intelligent response, rather than a piece of music hall knockabout. Not once did he even hint at suggesting what he would have done instead. It’s the 40th anniversary of the Watergate burglaries in Washington, and in obvious celebration, somebody decided to give Ed Miliband’s London office the once over in a break-in. The police said nothing of any value appeared to have been taken, which doesn’t

say a lot for any future meaningful strategies that Miliband may have had scrawled on a piece of paper. Let me suggest that the unwelcome intruder may in fact have been his hapless deputy Harriet Harman, who was urgently trying to find out more about her party’s tax policies, after she appeared clueless about them in an embarrassing TV interview.

THE POLITICS OF RELIGION HALLELUJAH from on high! That clerical clown Rowan Williams is mercifully calling it quits as Archbishop of Canterbury at the end of the year, and hopefully the Church of England will once again have someone who will cater to the needs of their flock, rather than some bearded leftie playing politics when it suits him. Apparently he’s also been miffed in his cassocks that David Cameron has kept making last-minute cancellations to pre-arranged meetings. Well, that’s just tough luck, but I did chuckle when the PM used the most boring minimalist diplomatic language to pay tribute to the outgoing Archbishop. Even those modest mumblings must have stuck right at the very back of Cameron’s gullet! I have a very simple view on politics and religion. Stupid politicians should not meddle with religion, and church leaders should stay out of party politics.

BARACK TO THE FUTURE IT WAS a love-in not seen since the days of Tony and George W. Enter stage left for David and Barack and an American roadshow last week that showed that the special Anglo American relationship is still very

much alive and kicking. Hey, wasn’t it just a couple of years ago that Obama was giving BP a real pasting over their scandalous polluting of the Gulf, and all experts said that he was more interested in Asian and Pacific matters than with a small island country in Europe? Things have changed, like Obama getting on with Cameron, as opposed to dealing with the morose Gordon Brown. And there’s the considerable achievement of Libya, where Obama respected Cameron’s strong actions. I suggest, then, that Mr. Cameron tests out this special relationship by asking Obama to put pressure on Argentina by telling them to take a running jump over their Falkland mumblings, which of course is all to do with the offshore oil, rather than claims of sovereignty.

WET FOOT FORWARD WHAT a farce we have with the moneygrabbing privatised water companies in the UK. Festooning themselves with ever larger profits, courtesy of higher bills for hardpressed home owners, we now have these firms being forced to introduce hosepipe restrictions in large parts because of a drought. These companies were meant to be investing millions to make sure something like this didn’t happen, stopping billions of gallons seeping away unnecessarily from the country’s reservoirs. Along with privatising the railways, it was a dreadful bit of business for the Tories back in the ’90s, and now they’re up to the same tricks again. This time with the UK road network, with David Cameron actually using the example of the water privatisation as the basis for doing it. Why do politicians always seem to have the wonderful knack of failing to learn from previous mistakes?

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Friday, March 23, 2012

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

CLARO on an ego trip... MOST of my urbanisation voted for the CLR- CLARO party last May in the belief that this alliance would bring change and some hope to our coast. We were fed up with the many corruption cases affecting the Town Hall in Orihuela and we wanted more resources for Orihuela Costa. The CLR party’s elected councillors have proven to be capable, intelligent and in tune with the people. They stuck to their word and their election manifesto. In the coast the two

CLARO councillors have proven to be the opposite. Nothing has been done in Orihuela Costa by the CLARO party since they got into power, except moaning and complaining about their alliance partners and fighting for exclusivity and more power for Mr Houliston. Is power all that is important to the CLARO leader? For four or five years CLARO have been offering a way to “change” the coast, we gave them a mandate to do it with the CLR but now it seems that all that they are concerned about is ego and personal ambi-

tions. What about the promises and the trust of the good people who voted for you? We feel frustrated and disappointed that all the CLARO promises have been spoilt by the greed of two fake politicians who have now resigned after proving that they were incapable of doing the job they coveted so much. All that is bad enough but now we hear that all the rumours about an agreement to bring back the PP to power are true. PETER KING

WHO’S IN It’s CHARGE: time to clear up confusion over THE FACTS the Orihuela Council The Courier is cool - but how about a little lingo online?

MY friends picked up a copy of The Courier for me this week. It is the first time I have seen it. and I really enjoyed it compared to the other English papers I have access to. I live between Torrevieja and La Mata and do not know if you distribute in this area so I have registered to get it online. Is it possible to add you’re ‘Say it in Spanish’ to the online Courier? I find Jeanette’s presentation very helpful. Also, is there some other way to get the 10 previous lessons? I have been trying to learn Spanish for the past four years and cannot afford to pay for lessons. Thank You in anticipation. PENNY SMITH, Torrevieja

THE Editor writes: Thank you, Penny. I will certainly see that the Say It In Spanish’ lessons go on the website every week from now on. Jeanette will contact you personally regarding previous lessons, though you can actually read them online at www.thecourier.es in the back-issue area. Basically, you call up the front page of the Latest Issue on screen, then click on the little ‘i’ bottom left.

I WISH to draw the attention of all those foreign housebuyers who are now buying cheap properties in Spain.

At the time of purchase the price may seem right, especally with black money changing hands on the advice of local lawyers, which believe it or not is illegal. However, most are in for a big surprise and probably a shock within the next four years. Don't know what I am talking about? Right, just type into your Internet search machine 'Complimentary tax in Spain' and there you are - the possibility of a bill from the tax office for thousands of euros within the next four years. So start saving now. Got it? EARLY WARNING, Benijofar

THE letter from P. Clinton regarding the political situation in Orihuela Costa did surprise me a lot. It clearly shows that Mr. Clinton is not well informed (1) about how councillors become part of the local government and (2) who is in charge in Orihuela and Orihuela Costa - and of what. The Orihuela council is composed of 25 people (3 Los Verdes, 6 PSOE, 4 CLrClaro, 12 PP). Mr. Bob Houliston resigned only from his job of being in charge of Orihuela.Costa, NOT from being a councillor. If he had done so, then automatically the next person on the list of CLr-Claro would become a councillor. But this is not the case. For this reason at the present moment the Mayor did not name another "Coastal Councillor". Instead, three councillors, one from each political group of the coalition, are working to coordinate all the different areas. These are Rosa Martinez for all areas of the PSOE

Martina Scheurer speaking at last Saturday’s St Patrick’s Day celebrations

(she speaks basic English), myself, Martina Scheurer for the areas of Los Verdes (and yes, I do speak English) and Pedro Mancebo for all the areas of CLr-Claro (and yes, he also speaks very good English). Orihuela Costa belongs to Orihuela. Each councillor has duties as well here, no matter if it is for infrastructure, edu-

cation, transport, social wellfare, urbanism etc. The position of the Councillor of Orihuela Costa has always been mainly a coordination and representation position. We are at the disposal of all citizens each Wednesday. Appointments can be made by phone on 966 760 000, ext. 29. No need to present a written application any more.

We need a home! APAH Rescue are urgently looking for long-term foster carers for their dogs. Contact Natasha on 616210850 or visit www.apahrescue.org All veterinary treatment is carried out by our own vets and we supply equipment and food. Bailey (right) is 16 months old,has been castrated, chipped and had all his vaccinations. Apollo (left) is 18 months old. His vocal chords have been cut, so he does not bark like a normal dog. He gets on well with other dogs and has been castrated, micro-chipped and vaccinated.

I hope that this clarifies the situation a bit and is of interest to your readers. MARTINA SCHEURER, Councillor for Mobility, Transport and Modernisation and Coordinator for Orihuela Costa for Security, Environment, Historical Heritage

Friday, March 23, 2012

Feel like chicken that's light? Low fat and low calorie chicken recipes that make ideal spring and summer suppers without you running the risk of piling on the pounds. And we've thrown in some low carb recipes too.

WARM CHICKEN THAI SALAD

A warm chicken Thai salad where the key to success is in the preparation. Once you've assembled and prepared the ingredients this is so quick and easy.

Ingredients

1. 1 tbsp olive oil 2. 450g boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite-size pieces 3. 1 small onion, very finely chopped 4. 2 garlic cloves, crushed 5. 2 tbsp soy sauce, plus extra to serve 6. 2 tsp caster sugar 7. 1-2 red Thai chillies (depending on how hot you like your food), deseeded and very thinly sliced 8. 1 cucumber 9. 2 large carrots, cut into very thin strips 10. 150g beansprouts 11. Handful each coarsely chopped fresh mint and coriander leaves 12. 40g chopped roasted salted peanuts (optional) 13. Grated zest and juice of 1 lime, plus wedges to serve

Method

1. Heat the olive oil in a wok or large frying pan and stirfry the chicken over a high heat for 3-4 minutes. Add the onion and garlic and stir-fry for 2 minutes. Add the soy sauce, sugar and chillies and stir-fry for 3-4 minutes, until the chicken is browned and the sauce has reduced to a sticky glaze. 2. Cut the cucumber in half lengthways, scoop out the seeds with a teaspoon and discard, then slice on the diagonal. 3.Toss with the chicken. Add the remaining ingredients and stir to combine. 4. Serve with lime wedges to squeeze over, and soy sauce for drizzling.

1. Mix the chicken, soy sauce, honey and sherry in a shallow non-metallic dish. Cover and set aside to marinate for 15 minutes â&#x20AC;&#x201C; if you have time. 2. Heat the oil in a large wok or frying pan over a high heat. Remove the chicken from the marinade with a slotted spoon, add to the wok and stir-fry for 5 minutes, until cooked through. 3. Remove the herbs from the pack of stir-fry vegetables and set aside in cold water. Tip the vegetables into the pan and stir-fry for 1 minute. 4. Mix any remaining marinade with the cornflour until well combined and pour into the pan. Stir-fry for 1-2 minutes until everything is cooked and coated in the sauce. Serve spooned over flat rice noodles and scatter with the reserved herbs.

YAKITORI CHICKEN

As this dish uses ready prepared vegetables all the hard work is taken out of stir-fry.

Ingredients

1. 3 large skinless, boneless chicken breasts, cut into thin strips 2. 6 tbsp dark soy sauce 3. 4 tbsp clear honey 4. 2 tbsp dry sherry 5. 1 tbsp sesame oil 6. 450g pack crunchy stir-fry vegetables (with pak choi, water chestnuts, beansprouts, carrots, peppers, red onions and herbs etc) 7. 1 tbsp cornflour

CHICKEN, LIME AND COCONUT PARCELS

Thai flavours are great in quick-cook dishes; however, they are equally thrilling when cooked long and slow, as youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll discover in this recipe. If your steamer isn't large enough for all the chicken pieces, bake in a low oven.

Ingredients

1. 2 green chillies, deseeded 2. 2 garlic cloves 3. Juice of 1 lime 4. 1 heaped tbsp shredded kaffir lime leaves (we used Bart Spices, from major supermarkets) or the grated zest of 1 lime 5. Handful fresh coriander, with stalks 6. 1 tbsp cumin seeds, dry-toasted

Friday, March 23, 2012 7. 3 tbsp Thai fish sauce 8. 4 tbsp coconut cream 9. 4 banana leaves (optional, from Asian supermarkets) 10. 4 x 250g free-range chicken legs 11. Red chillies, sliced, to garnish

Method

1. In a mini food processor, blitz the green chillies, garlic, lime juice, lime leaves or zest, coriander, cumin, fish sauce and coconut cream to a paste.

simmer for 10 minutes, until the chicken is cooked. Add a few handfuls baby leaf spinach, 200ml coconut milk and the juice of 2 limes. Warm until the spinach wilts. 3. Cook 2 bundles thin rice noodles according to pack instructions and stir into the laksa. Divide between bowls and garnish each with a fresh coriander sprig and lime wedges.

This light, fresh recipe tastes great and makes the perfect summer meal.

This sublime yet simple outdoor food idea by Sally Clarke – owner of the award-winning London restaurant, shop and bakery, Clarke’s – elevates picnic hampers to a whole new level. Perfect for all away-day occasions – or just stay at home and enjoy it in the garden.

1. 1 large skinless chicken breast, cut into 8 pieces 2. 8 large, raw peeled prawns 3. 3 tbsp olive oil 4. 1 lemon 5. 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano 6. 300g fresh (or frozen and thawed) broad beans 7. Handful of fresh mint leaves, chopped 8. 100g feta, crumbled

SPICED ALMOND AND SULTANA MARINATED CHICKEN

Ingredients

2. Cut 4 sheets of baking paper, each 30cm x 40cm (make them double-thickness if you’re not using banana leaves) and top each with a banana leaf, if using. Rub the chilli paste over the chicken legs, massaging it all over. Put a chicken leg onto each banana leaf or sheet of baking paper (if not using banana leaves) and wrap tightly around the chicken, tucking the edges under and gathering up the sides to make a parcel. Tie each one tightly with kitchen string to seal. 3. Take a large pot with a steamer insert, half-fill with water and bring to the boil over a high heat. Arrange the chicken parcels in the steamer (which shouldn’t touch the water) and cover with a tight-fitting lid. Reduce the heat slightly to a steady simmer. Steam for 2½ hours or until the meat is completely tender – top up the pan with water from time to time, so it doesn’t boil dry. Remove the chicken parcels and set aside to rest for about 5 minutes. 4. Place each parcel on a serving plate and open it, being careful to keep all the lovely juices inside. Garnish with red chilli slices and serve with steamed jasmine rice and stir-fried sugar snap peas.

CHICKEN LAKSA

A healthy, low-calorie hug in a bowl – it's equally delicious made with large prawns instead of chicken.

Ingredients

1. 2 shallots 2. 2 red chillies 3. 5cm piece stem ginger 4. 1 tsp vegetable oil 5. 2 lemongrass stalks 6. 2-3 chicken breasts 7. 600ml chicken stock 8. 2 tbsp fish sauce 9. 1 tbsp soft brown sugar 10. A few handfuls baby leaf spinach 11. 200ml coconut milk 12. 2 limes. 13. 2 bundles thin rice noodles

Method

1. In a pan, gently fry 2 shallots, finely sliced, 2 red chillies, finely sliced, and a 5cm piece stem ginger, sliced, in 1 tsp vegetable oil for 2 minutes. 2. Add 2 lemongrass stalks, finely chopped, 2-3 chicken breasts, sliced, 600ml chicken stock and bring to a simmer. Stir in 2 tbsp fish sauce, 1 tbsp soft brown sugar and

1. 2 tsp cumin seeds 2. 1 garlic clove, crushed 3. 1 fresh red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped, plus extra thin chilli slices, to garnish 4. 4 tbsp olive oil 5. Small bunch of fresh coriander, chopped 6. 4 skinless, organic chicken breasts, cut into 2cm strips 7. 2 tbsp flaked almonds 8. 2 tbsp sultanas 9. 2 tbsp reduced-salt soy sauce 10. 1 cos lettuce, to serve 11. Bunch of radishes, sliced, to serve

Method 1. Place a large frying pan over a medium-high heat. When the pan is hot, add the cumin seeds and cook, shaking the pan occasionally, for 1 minute, until fragrant and toasted. Tip into a medium bowl, allow to cool slightly, then add the garlic, chopped chilli, half the oil and half the coriander. Add the chicken and toss together to evenly coat. Cover and chill in the fridge for at least 2 hours or up to 12 hours for a better flavour. 2. Return the pan to a medium-high heat. When hot, add the chicken and its marinade, in 2 batches, and stir-fry for 4-5 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through. Remove with a slotted spoon to a large bowl and mix with the almonds. 3. Reduce the heat to low and add the remaining oil and sultanas to the cooking juices in the pan. Gently heat through, then remove from the heat and stir in the soy sauce. Season with freshly ground black pepper, pour over the chicken and almonds and mix together. Allow to cool, then stir in the remaining c o r i a n d e r. Cover and chill until ready to pack for the picnic.

4. Arrange some cos lettuce leaves on a large platter, then place the chicken neatly on top. Garnish with sliced radishes and chilli to serve.

CHICKEN AND PRAWN SKEWERS Ingredients

Method

1. Put the chicken in a bowl and toss with the prawns, 1 tablespoon olive oil, the zest and juice of 1/2 lemon and the dried oregano. Season and set aside for 10 min-

utes. 2. Meanwhile, cook the broad beans in salted water for 3-4 minutes, until just tender. Drain, refresh in cold water, drain again and slip out of their skins. Put into a bowl and toss with the mint, feta and 2 tablespoons olive oil. Season with freshly ground black pepper and set aside. 3. Thread the chicken and prawns onto 4 skewers. Cook on a hot griddle pan for 5-6 minutes, turning halfway, until charred and cooked through. Divide between plates, along with the bean salad. Serve with the remaining lemon, cut into wedges.

Friday, March 23, 2012

TKO was chosen as the official radio station for the St Patricks day event at Cabo Roig this year. We were all proud to be apart of the day, big thank you to all the people that showed their support, here are some pictures can you spot yourself...

Let’s see if you can win yourself a meal for two and a bottle of wine at Quesada Fish & Chips POP QUIZ March 23rd Welcome to the famous TKO Gold pop quiz! We sure did have some fun with last week’s questions. All you have to do is take the first letter from each answer to find the name of a band or artist. Once you have found the key word, listen in to Chris Ashley´s show on TKO Gold, Saturday mornings 9am – 12pm. 1. Messers Williams,Marvin & Mizell shared this first name. 2. What was the name of the girl Barry Ryan sang about in 1968. 3. Chris Montez & David Bowie both had hits with this song title. 4. The current Mrs Rednapp Jnr was with this girl group. 5. Country of origin of A~HA. 6. The Pub With No Beer for this Aussie in 1959. 7. Where did O.C.Smith live in 1968. 8. This electric band taught us Dirty Deeds Gone Bad. 9. Elvis Presley & Wanda Jackson both wanted one. 10. Telly Savalas only UK number one. 11. Bernard Cribbens & a very camp 90s group had this in common. 12. Eric Clapton was living on Tulsa Time in 1980 in which American state.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Natural Weight Loss How to drop your weight and become healthier using these 7 everyday life tips These days more and more people are getting intellectual instead of physical jobs. Sitting in office chairs all-day long has become a norm for many of us. Stress, business and rush make us forget about regular food and we stuff our stomachs with cheeseburgers and fizzy drinks, which don’t do anything good for our bodies. As a result of such crazy life rhythm, we rarely find time for exercises, gyms or balanced nutrition. As a matter of fact, it’s one of the reasons why more than 60% of us are overweight. However, it is possible to change your lifestyle and lose weight if you are willing to. These 7 day-to-day life tips provided below will help you to drop your extra pounds, become more energetic and healthier.

1. Drink More Water

Our bodies need a lot of water. Water removes waste from our organism and carries various nutrients into all our organs and cells. Your body also loses water by using it for various ways. For this reason you have to replace it and drink water more often than you are used to. Start your day with a glass of water in the morning. Drink a glass of water before any meal. Take a bottle of water with you when you go to work. Your body needs approximately 35 litres of water during one day. So don’t hesitate to drink plenty of water wherever and whenever you can.

2. Eat Fruits and Drink Fruit Juices

Eating fruits and juices helps you eliminate toxins from your body. Eating a variety of fruits also helps you get enough fibre, vitamins, and antioxidants. That’s why you should eat fresh fruits and drink natural fruit juices as often as possible. Fruit juices from stores are often sweetened. If you want to drink juices, make fresh juices yourself. If you think it takes too much of your time, then look for juices with labels that say “100% fruit juice”. These are much healthier for your body because they contain much more vitamins.

3. Eat Lots of Vegetables and Vegetable Salads

When it comes to losing extra pounds, vegetables are a great choice. They are natural and contain different vitamins, minerals and tons of other useful chemicals known to provide benefits to your body. Vegetables are low in fat and calories; they help control blood glucose levels, reduce blood cholesterol and reduce the risk of colon and other cancers. All these features also help control your weight effectively. If you feel that eating vegetables alone isn’t a great choice for you, then make some salads. Mixing vegetables together gives you even more different vitamins and health benefits. There are tons of tasty, healthy salad recipes on the internet. You can also use your imagination to make some great salads.

4. Eat Only When You Are Hungry

How many times have you been to a party where you saw lots of different and tasty looking meals, which you were

offered to try? Don’t eat, because you are offered to. Eat only when you want to. Many people like snacking in between meals or when they have nothing to do. Quit snacking. Most snacks contain a lot of fat and calories. Replace your usual snacks with vegetables or fruits. These are healthy for your body and you’ll never get fatter, only thinner.

WHAT CAUSES GOUT? Gout is a disease in which there is an abnormal metabolism of uric acid, resulting in an excess of uric acid in the tissues and blood. People with gout either produce too much uric acid, or more commonly, their bodies have a problem in removing it. It usually attacks only one joint at a time. It most often strikes the joint of the big toe, where it's also known as podagra, but other toes can also be involved. Gout is typically a condition that occurs in middle age, is ten times more common in men than in women, is unusual in people under the age of 30, and is rarely seen in women before menopause. A first gout attack most commonly occurs around age 47. It's most common in countries with high standards of living, mainly because diet plays a big part in this condition. It affects about 1% of the population. The pain and swelling of a gout attack are caused by uric acid crystals building up in the joint and leading to inflammation. The body normally forms uric acid

5. Carry Healthy Food with You

Many of us work in busy office jobs and don’t have the time to eat regularly. In such a case, bring your own homemade food with you. Instead of bringing sandwiches with meat, take vegetable salads, carrots, chicken salads. Any low fat food will do. This way, you won’t have to wait for a break to fill your stomach. You’ll be able to have fixed times when eating food. It’s also important to try to eat about 5 times a day, rather than 3 or 2. Eat in smaller quantities, but more often. This helps you to increase your metabolism.

6. Work Out When You Can

Working out in a gym is not only a great way to grow some muscles, but also to drop a few pounds. Exercising helps you burn your calories instead of storing them in your body as fat. Our bodies were made to be active, so exercising slowly and easily can actually help you get more energy and make you feel much better. At the end of the week, try to lose all the stress and burn your calories in a gym or having some kind of physical activity at home. If you have time, then try to do easy exercises every day.

7. Don’t Lie Down or Sit When You Can Move Many of us like to watch TV lying on a couch or sitting in a comfortable chair. Of course, when you come home after a hard working day, you’re tired, and all you can think of is a couch and a remote in your hand. But such laziness won’t help you lose weight. On the contrary, it will make you grow some more pounds. So don’t lie or sit, when you can walk and move. Instead of staring at TV, like a goofy, go ahead and work out in your garden for example, clean your garage, fix your car, go to walk in the park or on the beach. Breathe fresh air and move more often. Not only does it help to reduce stress after work, but also ups your mood and makes you more energetic.

In Conclusion Remember that all these tips will help you to lose weight, but only if you are determined and are ready to devote some of your time. Don’t expect to slim down 4 sizes after eating 5 carrots and drinking orange juice. Your body, just like many things in this world, needs time. So be patient. And if you will honestly use at least some of these tips, you are going to change your lifestyle, which in the end will lead you to a thinner and healthier body.

when breaking down cells and proteins, releasing it into the bloodstream. The uric acid usually stays dissolved in the blood and ends up being flushed out by the kidneys. If there's too much uric acid in the blood, called hyperuricemia, or if the kidneys can't get rid of it quickly enough, it may begin to form crystals that collect in the joints and even the kidneys, skin, and other soft tissues. Although most people with gout have hyperuricemia, about 3 in 10 turn out to have normal uric acid levels during an actual attack. Meanwhile, hyperuricemia by itself doesn't mean that a person will develop gout - less than 1 in 5 people with high uric acid end up with gout. Although uric acid exists naturally in the body, the amount of it in the body can be increased by certain foods that contain a lot of purines. The kidneys normally break down purines into uric acid and then eliminate the acid from the body. People who have gout or who are at risk of getting gout are encouraged to avoid many types of foods that are high in purines. In general, foods that are high in fat and/or cholesterol are also high in purines. Because most commonly eaten foods contain purine, it is advisable to people prone to gout or suffering from gout to avoid foods that are extremely high in purine. These include: Beer, alcoholic beverages, anchovies, sardines, yeast, and organ meat such as liver, and kidneys. For sufferers of gout, the rule should be to live temperately; eating moderately and restricting the diet as far as red meat, and alcohol are concerned. Whole grains, dairy products, green vegetables, fruits and foods low in protein are very good. It is also well to take large quantities of water. With care acute attacks of gout will be avoided. Biofield Diagnostic Clinic together with health care experts is launching a free online health advice service. Simply log onto www.biofieldclinic.com now to chat with us or send an email to our experts. Please send your queries to contact@mindspa.es or to book an appointment for a full body diagnostic scan or treatment call 630 118 439 or 966 262 93

Friday, March 23, 2012

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Mary wanted to know how to change the mar- ADVICE: David’s computer was constantly failing to install Windows updates. gins and set them permanently in Microsoft Word.

Dear Richard, every time I open up Microsoft Word the margins return to the default setting, even though I have adjusted them to my requirements on the previous occasion. I should be grateful if you would kindly let me know how to set the page margins permanently. Regards – Mary

Hi Mary, you don’t mention what version of Word you are using so I am going to assume its Word 2010 (the latest version). To set the margins you need to do the following… 1. On the Page Layout tab, in the Page Setup group, click Margins. The Margins gallery appears. 2. 2. Click the margin type that you want to apply. If your document contains multiple sections, the new margin type will only be applied to the current section. If your document contains multiple sections and you have multiple sections selected, the new margin type will be applied to each section you have selected. 3. To change the default margins so that they are applied to every new document, click Margins after you select a new margin, and then click Custom Margins. In the Page Setup dialog box, click the Set As Default button. The new default settings are saved in the template on which the document is based. Each new document based on that template automatically uses the new margin settings.

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi Richard. I have a problem installing windows vista security updates they install up to 93% then it says windows installer has stopped working and will close, when I try to close the computer it says initialising 1 of 3 and stays on, your help would be appreciated. Regards, Dave Hi David, this problem can be caused by a number of issues so it’s hard for me to give you a definitive answer without looking at your PC, however here is an easy one that you could try. Sometimes the windows updates fail to install because they have not been downloaded correctly, they therefore need to be deleted and re-downloaded, you can do this by doing the following… 1. Stop the Windows Update service by clicking on the start button and typing services.msc in the search box and press enter, look for the service called “Automatic Updates” or “Windows Updates” for Windows 7 and right hand click it and select stop 2 Delete the downloaded updates by navigating to C:\Windows\SoftwareDistribution\Download folder and delete the contents 3. Start the Windows Update service again by going back to the services.msc window and right hand clicking the same service as in step on and select start 4. Restart your computer …I realise that it’s a bit of a technical solution but it could just save you having to call an engineer, your computer will now attempt to re-download the updates and hopefully this time they will install successfully.

ADVICE: Roy was having problems with transferring his templates from Word 2003 to Word 2007

Q A

Dear Uncle Richard, I want to use my MS Word 2003, and earlier, templates that I have built up over the years (begging letters, benefit frauds, scams etc.) in my newly acquired MS 2007. But I cannot find out how to make them easily available upon opening a new file. Can you help?

Hi Tony, this has happened because the templates that you used in the previous version of Word are stored in a different location to where the new version of Word is looking, have a look at the following to sort it out. If you are using Word 2007, click the Microsoft Office Button, and then click Word Options, however if you are using Word 2010 choose Options from the File menu. • Click Advanced. • Under General, click File Locations. • Click User templates, and then click Modify. • In the Modify Location dialog box, change the setting in the Folder name list or the Look in list to the folder in which you want to save your new templates. Then, click OK. • Click OK or Close to close the Options dialog box. Note: When choosing a new document in Word, the third option down is “my templates” this is where your collection of old templates will be. Good luck with the scams and begging letters ;-) Update: It worked and I now have all my own collection of template available without any need to modify them first, thanks!

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, March 23, 2012

MEMBERS’ PROFILES BUSINESS GROUP ESPAÑA BGE is a unique business-to-consumer organisation whose aim is to promote new business between the members through referrals & recommendation. A fundamental principle of the group is that all members are legally registered in Spain and qualified in the business in which they operate, and are therefore able to achieve the standards and quality required by the BGE. As a consumer you can deal with any BGE member safe in the knowledge that the member will be honest, and trustworthy and that any service or product purchased will be of quality and at a fair and reasonable price.

Servicios con un Corazón! Services with a heart! Malimi Costa Blanca SL: Your Real Estate & Insurance office, in Rojales with a professional team. Our service: we speak different languages to guarantee you the best service ! What we can offer: High Quality Properties for rent or to sale at a very realistic price! Our specialty: Home services & repairs – Insurances & UNIQUE MALIMI OFFER! Our guarantee for the best insurance for your Home and worldwide Health-Care, is offered by our qualified Insurance broker. Unique: For your peace of mind (or family): our guarantee of 24h/24h medical assistance and “doctor at your home“. Don´t hesitate to contact us for more information or personal appointment by e-mail info@malimi.com or tel. 966716459 (9am-2pm) www.malimi.com In 2000, Costa Computers were providing a much-needed service for the expatriate communities on the Costa Blanca including English, Norwegian, Dutch and others. With new innovations in IT, the creators of Costa Computers soon decided that it was time to register Advanced Business Solutions S.L. Now, as the longest-running computer and IT company on the Costa Blanca, ABS Costa Computers has built a reputation that is second to none. With well-appointed workshops at their location, no job is too large or too small. ABS Costa Computers offer services including:• Providing and supporting Desktop and Laptop computers. • 3G support with antenna boosters for fast Internet connection. • As authorised Garmin agents, support and mapping for car GPS satnav.

The value of experience More than 20 years of experience, providing fiscal and legal advice and assistance, among other services to our more than 4.000 clients, are the main guarantee of our firm. Although our head office is located in Torrevieja, we as a firm are able to act throughout Spain. All our qualified staff is fluent in a number of languages and experienced in fiscal and legal matters. Our services are provided in English, German, French and Finish language offering a smooth and efficient service of legal advice, when doing the tax declaration and professional assessment on any business or activity that residents and non residents wish to initiate, as well as the procedures and documentation required to establish temporary or definitive residence in Spain. Inexperience, language and legal ignorance can create difficulties when dealing when legal matters. It’s important to use trusted professionals to handle your affairs. A&G LAWYERS is a Law Firm located in the centre of Torrevieja that offers all its clients the widest range of legal services, being specialized in Property Law. SERVICES: • Conveyance • Probate, inheritance and wills • NIE & Residency • Litigation: Family Law, Civil Law, Criminal Law… • Issues relating to community of owners • Traffic managements: car transfers, registration of a car in Spain… • Etc... A professional, friendly and efficient service in your language and at very reasonable price. Call us on 965 505 305 or send an email to lawyers.ag@gmail.com for a first free consultation.

Friday, March 23, 2012

MEMBERS’ PROFILES CREATING IMAGES FOR MANY HAPPY CLIENTS FOR OVER 7 YEARS IN THE TORREVIEJA AREA Matt Evans is the owner of San Miguel based Graphics company MATTGRAFIX. Mattgrafix is a well established and professional Printing and Graphic Design company in Spain since 2005, with vast experience in signage, vehicle graphics and all types of printing. With over twenty years experience in Spain, Matt Evans offers a multi-lingual service, (that will save you blushes when also advertising in Spanish!) A member of Business Group España, MattGrafix has developed a vast portfolio enabling a complete package of advertising with a distinctive look and style. MattGrafix offer look and style, offering competitive prices for all your printing needs. Contact Matt on 966 265 074 or 625 647 718, www.mattgrafix.com or email info@mattgrafix.com.

Radio Costa International 101.2 FM Patrick, the manager of RCI has been in media and radio over several years in Belgium and Spain and decided in November 2011 to start his own Radio station RADIO COSTA INTERNATIONAL. The name speaks for him; RCI on 101.2 FM is a non-stop International radio station on the Costa Blanca. RCI plays music for all ages from the 60’s through to the present day and in several languages. Because the Radio Station is nonstop, you will hear it in many bars, restaurants and commercial centres. It’s a local Radio Station who plays music for the International community that we live in. Radio Costa International broadcasts from Torrevieja and covers the area from La Marina to the Orihuela-Costa and about 30km inland. So whatever you do, listen to 101.2

The Original Ex-Pat Exhibition When new to Spain, Christine quickly became aware of a need to reduce the time and stress involved in setting up home in Spain, from which the exhibitions were born. For people new to the area and long term residents alike, a chance to find all those goods and services required in their home, under one roof. This Is Spain Exhibitions was inaugurated in 2002 to help the ex-pat community promote their businesses in a burgeoning community. However, even in these difficult times the exhibitions remain an essential tool in reaching the general public, especially for new business trying to get their message across. They are an excellent opportunity to meet thousands of people over a two or three day period and showcase new and existing products and services.

Right move insurance

Donna, along with her team of Kim and Ann, manage the insurance business from their office at Playa Flamenca Commercial Centre. What makes right move insurance different? Our approach is all about flexibility and are passionate about making our insurance products suit the client’s needs and not the other way around. We believe that our friendly approach and personal service is a key differentiator between ourselves and other organisations. Combined with an easily accessible website, support via the phone, email or in person at the office we would value the opportunity to meet you. We offer excellent rates of cover with documentation, help and advice in English. Discounts are also available, currently 55% on cars and 15% on home insurance. Also when you use the Voucher Book you will get one month’s insurance cover free.

ZAPATOSyCALZADOS.com Your Online Shoe Shop - Leather shoes - Made in Spain shoes - Classic, Fashion, Dress, Casual - Ladies, Gentlemen, Kids - Work footwear - Bags, Wallets, Leather accessories During the development of our jobs in the Costas area, we have been asked several times by our clients, who usually become friends, about a place to buy GOOD QUALITY FOOTWEAR and LEATHER SHOES AND BOOTS. ZAPATOSyCALZADOS.com is born as an answer to those persons. This is your place to find what you were looking for: Good quality SHOES AND FOOTWEAR, reliable, with all warranties and personal attention. We only work with “made in the area” shoemaker factories and workshops, at very reasonable price rates.

Friday, March 23, 2012

WHAT THE UK

GRANNY LOSES OUT IN TAXING BUDGET

MILLIONS of middle-class pensioners are to be hit by a £3.5billion ‘granny tax’ that will help pay for a record income tax cut for people in work. Plans slipped out in George Osborne’s Budget yesterday will mean tax allowances for the over-65s – first introduced in 1925 by then Chancellor Winston Churchill – being frozen or axed. People who turn 65 or 75 next year will be worst affected but, in all, 4.4million pension-

Daily Mail

ers with incomes of between £10,500 and £28,000 can expect to lose out. The Treasury was taken aback by the strength of the backlash against Mr Osborne’s decision. The tax raid, described privately by some Tory MPs as a serious political mistake, overshadowed other measures in the Chancellor’s widely trailed statement. Mr Osborne raised the threshhold at

The Sun

Harry Potter bully is jailed for role in riot HARRY Potter star Jamie Waylett has been jailed for two years for being part of a violent mob which took to the streets of London during last summer’s riots. Waylett, 22, who played Hogwarts bully Vincent Crabbe in six of the films, was found guilty of violent disorder by a jury at London’s Wood Green Crown Court. The actor, who had already admitted swigging from a stolen bottle of champagne during the rioting, was cleared of intending to destroy or damage property with a petrol bomb he was pictured holding. Waylett already has a previous conviction for cannabis possession. The actor will begin his sentence in Pentonville prison in north London. Waylett was with a gang who went into Chalk Farm on August 8, the third night of violence. He was captured on CCTV at various points during the evening, often with his hood over his head. He was sentenced to two years for violent disorder and 12 months for handling stolen goods, to run concurrently. Waylett's defence lawyer, Emily Dummatt, said earlier her client had become a “withered actor by the age of 22”. “Although he had the good fortune to be in the Harry Potter films, it turned out to be not so good fortune.” She said Waylett had struggled with his fame and began to use cannabis.

which people start to pay tax to £9,205, an £1,100 increase and the biggest ever single tax break for working people. It means the Coalition has lifted two million out of tax altogether. The 23million basic rate taxpayers will benefit most, saving £220 a year, but everyone earning up to £100,000 will see some benefit. The policy of making the first £10,000 of income tax free has been a key Lib Dem demand. Mr Osborne also took a gamble by cutting Labour’s 50p top rate of tax on income over £150,000 to 45p from next April, despite polls suggesting two-thirds of voters

George Osborne delivers his Budget speech

wanted it to stay. He claimed it was raising ‘next to nothing’. He delighted business with a 2p corporation tax cut and a pledge to cut it by a further 2p to 22p by 2014 and aim for 20p after that. Other changes included: ● A partial retreat on child benefit cuts, so only those earning more than £60,000 will lose it altogether. ● A mansion tax ‘lite’ – a new 7% rate of stamp duty on homes worth £2m plus. ● A fuel duty rise of 3p a

litre to go ahead as planned. ● £10billion in further cuts to welfare spending by 2016. ● The biggest overhaul of planning laws for 60 years, speeding up developments. ● VAT loopholes to be closed, pushing up the cost of hot food in supermarkets. ● Up to a million more sucked into 40p tax rate as threshhold reduced from £42,475 to £41,450. ● A small rise in the forecast for growth for this year, to 0.8 per cent, avoiding a double dip recession.

Luke, 15, dies after rugby collapse A BOY of 15 has died after collapsing during a rugby match on Tuesday. Ambulance crews were called after reports that Luke Chapman stopped breathing on the pitch. He was airlifted from Baxter College in Kidderminster, Worcs. But died shortly after arriving at Birmingham Children's Hospital. Luke was a pupil at Haybridge High in Hagley, Worcs. Tony Homer, chair of governors at the school, said in a statement: "We

The Sun are all terribly shocked and upset by what has happened. "Our thoughts are with the family and friends at this very sad time. The school will offer all the support we possibly can to those affected." A spokeswoman for Worcestershire County Council said the school was in a state of shock following the teenager' death.

Daily Mirror

Bus girl who quit lottery set for slice of £38m ONE of the lotto-winning bus drivers said yesterday they may give some of their £38million to a colleague who quit the syndicate. Single mum Hazel Loveday, 26, pulled out of the group six months ago as she could not afford the £2 weekly bill. Not only did she miss out on a £3.1million haul, she collapsed the day before the win and was rushed to hospital. Now her colleagues are thinking about fellow driver Hazel following their EuroMillions triumph on Friday. Jubilant jackpot winner Stephen Derrick, 53, said yesterday: “If we decide to do something about her it will be private.” The 12 lucky drivers, all from Corby, Northants, formed their syndicate three years ago and each picked a line every Friday. But they considered folding the group last year after their working hours were cut and their £1,248 outlay returned just £212. In the end, Hazel was the only one to quit. She was replaced by another driver. Hazel mysteriously collapsed on Thursday. She was discharged from hospital on Sunday.

Friday, March 23, 2012

TABLOIDS SAY

Binge drinking is a liver disease killer BOOZER BRITS RISK DEATH IN THEIR 40s

Daily Express DEATHS from liver disease in England have jumped 25% with alcohol the major cause, men the biggest victims and fatalities more prevalent in the North, new statistics have revealed. The figures, which one expert described as "stark reading", are certain to fuel further debate on how to tackle the problem of binge drinking. The first ever National End of Life Care Intelligence Network report said the vast majority of the fatalities were people under 70, with more victims now in their 40s. But obesity, hepatitis C and hepatitis B have also helped lead to the increase in total liver disease deaths between 2001 and 2009. The findings are in contrast to other major causes of death - such as heart disease - which have been declining in recent years. In 2001, 9,231 people died of the condition, but by 2009 it had risen to 11,575, 60% of them men. Although the number of deaths due to cancer, vascular or respiratory disease is still much greater, liver disease disproportionately kills people at a much younger age. A striking 90% of people who die from liver disease are under 70, the report revealed.

More than 10% of those who die in their 40s are killed by liver disease. And in terms of "years of life lost", liver disease is much more prominent, the report claimed. Alcohol-related liver disease accounted for over a third (37%) of all liver-disease deaths. But the prevalence of deaths from alcoholrelated liver disease varied greatly between males (41% of liver disease deaths) and females (30%). Alcohol-related liver disease was also more common in the most deprived areas (44%) than the least deprived areas (28%). The North West is the region with the highest death rate from liver disease.

LIES OVER AS WATERMAN ADMITS HE HIT EX-WIFE RULA RULA Lenska has told friends of her relief after her ex-husband Dennis Waterman admitted he punched and slapped her twice, saying: “Finally, the truth is out”. She said to one pal yesterday: “I’ve spent years being branded a liar because some people thought I had made it up. I now finally feel vindicated.” The 64-year-old former Coronation Street star’s ex-husband admitted for the first time this week that he had “lashed out” before they split in 1998 after denying her claims for several years. New Tricks actor Waterman, also 64, told TV’s Piers Morgan: “The problem with strong, intelligent women, is that they can argue well.” And he added: “It’s not difficult for

Daily Mirror

a woman to make a man hit her.” Rula’s agent Paul Pearson hit back: “To suggest it’s OK to hit a woman because she’s fiercely intelligent is shocking and wrong. “Rula is struggling to digest what Dennis has said. She’s waited a long time for him to admit what happened so in many ways it’s a huge relief. “She’s pleased that Dennis has finally admitted what he did, but at the same time it’s all very upsetting. Rula has spent years living with this, while a huge number of people within the industry did not believe her, and she’s had to face that. “It’s shocking that Dennis has tried to defend the indefensible.”

elf s ls il k r e n io s n e p Tired of life e Sun r telling her family she man hanged herself afte A 105-YEAR-OLD wo die. was tired of waiting to a Khoreva had been at-great-gran Anastasi Friends said great-gre g infection. struck down with a lun until her depressed after being The pensioner waited n used the se family had left the hou keshift ma a n hio fas a clothes line to bedher in f sel her g han noose to room. n, Russia, Anastasia, from Darsu Russian the gh ou thr d had live and the rs wa Revolution, two world munist com of s mass execution

tyrant Joseph Stalin. s said: “It One of her neighbour to do at her for is a strange thing d to say use she but life of her time iting for wa h wit she was fed up go and to d nte wa she so death — meet it.” ed: “She'd A family member add she’d had ing say , tried once before managed we e tim t tha but , enough to stop her. so lucky.” “This time we weren't

I was too old, admits Britain’s 57-year-old mum BRITAIN’S oldest new mother has told of her regret at having a baby aged 57 – admitting for the first time it was a “mistake” not to have had her first child sooner. Speaking four years after giving birth, Sue Tollefsen revealed she was recently left unable to care for her daughter Freya for weeks after

Daily Mail contracting a life-threatening blood infection that left her incapacitated over Christmas. The retired teacher, 61, said her illness made her realise she may not be alive to see her daughter grow up. Miss Tollefsen said: “It’s so true that

you learn from your mistakes, and my mistake was not having her sooner. “I was so ill, I literally thought I was dying. I kept thinking about Freya – and for the first time, I realised I might not be there for her anymore.” She added: “If I’m completely honest, my experience has taught me that 50 should probably be the

cut-off limit for having children. But, until you have them, it’s almost impossible to appreciate that.” Miss Tollefsen, who lives off her pension in a two-bedroom house in Harold’s Wood, Essex, caused controversy in 2008 when she had Freya via IVF, using sperm from her partner and a donor egg.

Friday, March 23, 2012

SPAIN’S HEADLINES

JOY AS TWINS FACE LIFE ON THEIR OWN La Verdad

THE conjoined twins separated three weeks ago in Barcelona are making incredible progress, it has been announced at a press conference. The hospital where the operation took place has said the surgery to separate the sevenmonth old babies, who shared a liver, was a complete success. Nuria and Marta, who were born on August 10 and joined at the abdomen, underwent a sevenhour “complex and painstaking” operation on February 27, the Vall d'Hebron hospital said in a statement. They now “lead a normal life and come to hospital only for routine checks”. Conjoined twins are extremely rare, with one for every 200,000 births, the hospital said, adding that the chances of survival at birth ranged from five to 25 per cent. Nuria and Marta were born sharing an umbilical cord, and weighing 1.5 kilos each. They are now getting used to not seeing each other’s face 24 hours a day. Their mother says that they both seem happy and are growing in independence.

The Pascual Flores: Counting the cost of restoration

Park plan of paramount importance to economy La Verdad

THE Paramount Park in Murcia will officially start construction at the end of May with the laying of the first stone, Murcia’s councillor for tourism Pedro Alberto Cruz revealed at a press conference. It will then be on schedule to open in July 2015 according to Cruz who believes the park will provide 1,500 jobs on completion, with a further 20,000 to be employed during construction - set to start in earnest in August. The theme park will consist of fair rides, plus a Lifestyle Centre with shops and leisure centre. The Lifestyle Centre will include hotels, restaurants, a casino and the biggest ‘outlet’ centre in the Mediterranean, offering designer labels at discounted prices. Cruz added that 90 per cent of the rides on offer would be unique to the park. One of the biggest critics of page of its Monday edition. the park is the IU-Verdes THE administrations of El Pais This prompted head of councillor José Antonio Lanzarote and Fuerteventura and leading German the association of tourist Fuerteventura’s local coun- Pujante, who requested the travel group TUI have companies in Fuerteven- cil, Mario Cabrera, to say: resignation of Cruz, and expressed concern that the tura highlighting the possi- “Germany is our biggest reminded all those present of government’s decision to bility of an oil spill affect- market. If they are already the economic failings of other grant Repsol YPF a licence ing the Canary Islands speaking about oil, it’s bad. theme parks in Spain, such to explore for oil in waters brand as a popular winter The spillage that Repsol as Terra Mitica in Benidorm says is normal alone would and the Warner Park in surrounding the Canary destination for Germans. Islands could impact the Prominent German daily be enough for our beaches Madrid. vital tourist industry. Socialist councillor Antonio Süddeutsche Zeitung took to lose Blue Flag status.” TUI has sent an e-mail to up the issue on the front On Friday, Repsol Martínez Bernal expressed was awarded nine his doubt that the project licences to explore would turn into the huge for oil 60 kilometres tourist attraction that its prooff the coast of the moters promise. a into ned tur was t Pascual Flores, which But with unemployment in ive islands in a bid to ens exp an r THE restored sailing boa afte ll Torrevieja Town Ha reduce Spain’s high by d m ore the region so high, 50 CVs seu mo mu is ry, ting floa mer glo ed the vessel to its for imported oil and are sent daily from people restoration project return . gas dependency. eager to get a job at the new in the port and unused n Hall in November was handed to the Tow t jec pro ted ple park when it opens. Repsol estimates The com . ling sai not been seen Applicants are offering a 2009, since when it has is the bank interest this oil could meet ed act attr has t boa restora- 10 per cent of vast range of talents, from the h The biggest interest the hic ...w os. eur 0 on the 146,00 Spain’s hydrocar- crocodile tamers to “Indiana which has accumulated iting for. wa l stil is y pan com tion bon needs. Jones with a twist”.

Fears oil drilling will see off the Germans

A FLOATING D E BT

Friday, March 23, 2012

Friday, March 23, 2012 Friday, December 16, 2011

11 modern retro-styled cars Ever get that sense of dĂŠjĂ vu? That you've seen it all before? In the world of car design, you almost certainly have. As Volkswagen launches its new Beetle, the design clock is turning back once again to a bygone age of style. Here are 11 slices of thoroughly modern retro. VW Beetle It's 2012 and there's a new Beetle out - the second modern-retro Beetle to draw on the original Vee Dub for inspiration. The latest generation edges away from the 1998 New Beetle's flower-vase femininity and goes for a longer, wider, lower stance which VW describes as "more masculine and dynamic." Macho cute, maybe?

act: the second-generation new Mini, launched in 2006, looks all but identical.

500 is massively bigger than the original; it still looks undeniably like the original baby Fiat. And buyers have flocked to splash out on this slice of retro chic.

Nissan Figaro

Fiat 500 Fiat is the undoubted master of small cars, and the classic 500 'Cinquecento' of 1957 was a masterpiece of miniature packaging. Let's gloss over the fact that the revived Fiat

Mini The Mini is the ultimate retro revival. Paying strong homage to the original 1959 Mini, the BMW-era Mini incorporates lots of nods to perhaps the greatest car of the 20th century, from its round headlamps and distinctive grille to its 'separate' roof. In fact, the retro Mini that debuted in 2000 has its own tribute

Ford GT

Brits seem to love the Figaro, none more so than celebrity owner Vanessa Feltz, who summed it up perfectly thus: 'It's a 1950sstyle, bosom-shaped Noddy car.' 1950s is right: the retro styling is an almost direct copy of the German IFA P70 coupe of 195759. There's lots of chrome, a canvas roof, external boot hinges, old-fangled hubcaps and cutlery-style toggle switches. Underneath, however, it's an old Nissan Micra. Launched in 1991, Nissan built just 20,000 of them.

Everyone loves the Ford GT40, nobody more than Ford, which paid homage to it by launching a new GT in 2004. Despite being longer, wider and taller than the 1964 original (43 inches rather than the 40 inches that gave the GT40 its name), it looked a dead ringer for the Le Mans-winning mid-engined monster. Ford built 4038 GTs - almost exactly 40 times the number of original GT40s.

Autech A10

Nissan's sub-brand Autech tunes and cosmetically alters various Nissans but its A10 concept took things to a different level entirely. This was supposed to look like an Alfa Romeo Giulia from the 1960s but basing on the boxy-shaped modern Nissan

Friday, March 23, 2012

Datsun returns Rasheen 4x4 made it look bizarre in the extreme.

Jaguar S-Type

'A little bit of history repeating' went the ads for the new S-Type, launched in 1998. The repeat Jaguar was referring to was the eponymous S-Type of 1963. Sadly the modern version, based on a lowly Ford platform, was not a great success, stylistically or commercially. The current Jaguar XF proves that the brand is now looking forwards, not backwards.

although ironically the new car was designed by a Korean called Sangyup Lee. After an appearance in the Transformers movie, its sales success was sealed.

Toyota Classic

Toyota's first-ever car was the AA of 1936. In 1997 the Japanese giant decided to celebrate its trailblazer with a run of 'replicas' based, bizarrely, on the Hi-Lux pick-up. That tempted Toyota, even more weirdly, to sell not just a hatchback but a pick-up version of the Classic as well. These pastiches didn't really look anything like the originals, but that didn't seem to bother Japanese buyers.

Mitsuoka Viewt Embarrassingly awful or impossibly cute? We know where we stand on this Japanese attempt to make a Nissan Micra look like a Jaguar Mk2. The oddly-named Viewt sold so well that Mitsuoka followed it up with a London Taxi lookalike on the same Micra basis.

Chevrolet Camaro In the 21st century, the Camaro was effectively dead: the model had been axed in 2002. Then seven years later, Chevrolet brought it back to life with retro styling that clearly echoed the original Camaro of 1967 -

Toyota Origin Toyota built its 100 millionth vehicle in the year 2000. As a tribute to this extraordinary achievement, it took the odd decision to build this car, the Origin. It supposedly recreated the style and aura of the 1955 Toyota Crown - including its 'suicide' rear-hinged rear doors - but in reality the only 1950s thing it truly shared was a lack of desirability.

In an announcement on a trip to Indonesia, Nissan CEO Carlos Ghosn confirmed that Datsun-branded vehicles will go on sale in 2014 and revealed the new logo you see here. The initial focus for Datsun, which was rebranded as Nissan back in the Eighties and made its name with sports cars like the 240Z and the Sunny hatchback, will be on the Indonesian, Indian and Russian markets. Ghosn announced that Nissan would be investing around £250m in Indonesia to

increase sales in that country to 250,000 by 2014. Ghosn has been reported describing the new Datsun model: "It's a green car, affordable car, small displacement, high local content. It's going to be a generous car." He also added: "Datsun represents 80 years of accumulated Japanese carmaking expertise and is a important part of Nissan's DNA." Datsun will join Infiniti as the second Nissan sub-brand, and take on Dacia - Renault's value-for-money off-shoot.

If you’re looking for a hire car for yourself or your visitors, you need go no further than Xtra Car Hire in Santa Pola. This family-run business goes that xtra mile for customer service in a way that only a small business can, while still competing with the big companies on price. And, with Xtra Car Hire you can be confident that the price they give you is the price you pay. The xtra in Xtra Car Hire stands for xtra help, xtra friendly, xtra good – not xtra hidden costs. So they won’t be slapping on any charges for second drivers, baby seats, roof racks, insurance or out of hours costs.

Plus, with Xtra Car Hire you won’t be driven mad by xtra waiting time at the airport as Xtra Car Hire will meet and greet you at the airport to make sure your stay gets off to a smooth start. Xtra also offers a free delivery service to Gran Alacant, Santa Pola, La Marina and surrounding areas. If you’re looking for something a little more permanent, Xtra sells cars too. For details on hiring or buying from Xtra Car Hire, give their friendly team a call on 619 726 480, visit www.xtra-car-hire.com or email xtrarentacar@xtra-car-hire.com

Car hire that goes the xtra mile

Friday, March 23, 2012

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 11 represents T and 15 represents Q, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Rise to one’s feet (5,2) 5 Hollow cylindrical shapes (5) 8 Technical aspects of doing something (9) 9 Allow (3) 10 Repair (5) 12 Lamenting poems (7) 13 Religious organisation founded by William Booth (9,4) 15 African spear (7) 17 Pants (5) 19 Self-esteem (3) 20 Bona fide (9) 22 Flight of stairs (5) 23 Pressured routine (3,4)

Down 1 Add together (3,2) 2 Something curved in shape (3) 3 Former Greek currency (7) 4 Head of state (5,8) 5 Sense the flavour (5) 6 Table ball game (9) 7 Fill a need (7) 11 Magnifier of images of distant objects (9) 13 Flowers’ male reproductive organs (7) 14 Wilful lack of care (7) 16 Lawn covering (5) 18 Ecuadoran monetary unit (5) 21 Beverage (3)

Last weeks Solution Across: 7 Canine, 8 Afraid, 9 Wipe, 10 Specific, 11 Mercury, 13 Defer, 15 Clues, 17 Measles, 20 Infinite, 21 Swab, 22 Zealot, 23 Surrey. Down: 1 Malice, 2 Hide, 3 Berserk, 4 Bagel, 5 Trainers, 6 Divine, 12 Credible, 14 Release, 16 Linger, 18 Enamel, 19 Riots, 21 Sire.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Former partner has more than enough to make a pattern (7) 5 The people in charge are in the shade, for a change (5) 8 A friend hires out mattresses (7) 9 Knocks tramps gone soft in the middle (5) 10 I got by in Los Angeles or a North African state (5) 11 Possibly reunite the entourage (7) 12 Somehow relays a killer (6) 14 Picked on editor after cooked eats (6) 17 Charged a couple of hundred employed (7) 19 In addition, recapitulate on the evidence (32) 22 Once upon a time, all this was yours (5) 23 Account about a long time land area (7) 24 It concerns Adam's wife and a local official (5) 25 Unhappy winners are cruel people (7)

Down 1 Remove forcibly from Essex pelican crossing (5) 2 To begin with, all day long I basically perform without preparation (23) 3 Nobility agree trouble in gym (7) 4 Make certain tapeworms leave redesigned Westonsuper-Mare (6) 5 Clothe custom (5) 6 Only nuts moan about LSD, man (7) 7 Put off temporary school bar (7) 12 Wreck that's rebuilt with some hesitation (7) 13 Attribute to a writer (7) 15 Guaranteed the end user by mistake (7) 16 The result of ladies aspirations (6) 18 A Scandinavian married in the Home Counties (5) 20 Intends to have money resources (5) 21 Looks closely at one's colleagues (5)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Drive out (5) 2 Improvise (2-3) 3 Aristocracy (7) 4 Make certain (6) 5 Custom (5) 6 Edible nuts (7) 7 Adjourn (7) 12 Break (7) 13 Attribute (7) 15 Made certain (7) 16 Standards of perfection (6) 18 Native of Sweden (5) 20 Has in mind (5) 21 Gazes (5)

Across 1 Instance (7) 5 Chiefs (5) 8 Portable platforms (7) 9 Strikes against (5) 10 North African country (5) 11 Entourage (7) 12 Murderer (6) 14 Taunted (6) 17 Charged (7) 19 Add together (3-2) 22 Yours (5) 23 Land area (7) 24 Steward (5) 25 Degenerates (7)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Cutlass, 5 Tutor, 8 Abandon, 9 Leaps, 10 Maple, 11 Tension, 12 Assist, 14 Haggis, 17 Creates, 19 Strum, 22 Adieu, 23 Erasure, 24 Costs, 25 Sonnets. Down: 1 Chasm, 2 Tramp, 3 Address, 4 Sanity, 5 Talon, 6 Teasing, 7 Resents, 12 Archaic, 13 Species, 15 Abstain, 16 Ushers, 18 Thugs, 20 Rouse, 21 Meets.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Ire Ado Ley Ago Lid Air Mac Ate Men Awe Oil Awn Pen Bin Per Cap Ran Cat Rap Den Rod Egg Sir Ems Sob Ewe Sty Gap Tap Get Tic His Use Ion 4 letter words

Alms Ammo Anti Beat Cage Gall Ides Iris Mama Mist Note Ores Ream Slat Slog Tang Tone Tree

Wont Woos 5 letter words Aware Masts Pasta Paste 7 letter words Canasta Clothes Starter Stratum 9 letter words Contender Generator Libertine Strenuous

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Ducklings (7) 5 Narices (5) 8 Pendiente (joya) (7) 9 Machos (biología) (5) 10 January (5) 11 Ruso (7) 12 Queso (alimento) (6) 14 Native land (6) 17 To approve (plan, decision, legislation, expenditure, minutes) (7) 19 Tails (of birds, horses, fishes, planes) (5) 22 Dos veces (5) 23 Breath (respiration) (7) 24 Long (in size) (5) 25 Disculpa (perdón) (7)

Down 1 Trozo (pedazo) (5) 2 Late (5) 3 Sastres (7) 4 Safe (not in danger) (6) 5 Nombres (de personas, cosas) (5) 6 Soldado (7) 7 Sixty (7) 12 Barracks (military) (7) 13 Más temprano (7) 15 File (document) (7) 16 Magpie (6) 18 Heather (5) 20 Slow (not speedy) (5) 21 Cuento (para niños) (5)

Friday, March 23, 2012 Across 1 What name is given to chronic sleeplessness or an inability to sleep? (8) 7 What name is given to each of the bars or wire rods connecting the centre of a wheel to its outer edge? (5) 8 Which European plant is cultivated for its large thistle-like flower heads? (9) 9 By what name is insecticide dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane more commonly known? (3) 10 According to the Bible, what was the name of the eldest son of Adam and Eve? (4) 11 What was the name of the French resistance movement during the German occupation (1940-45)? (6) 13 James who is the American actor chiefly remembered for playing gangster roles in films such as The Public Enemy (1931)? (6) 14 What is the surname of the English dramatist, actor and director whose plays include The Birthday Party (1958), The Caretaker (1960), and Party Time (1991)? (6) 17 See 1 Down 18 See 2 Down 20 Which small pointed tool is used for piercing holes, especially in leather? (3) 22 According to legend, what was the name of King Arthur’s magic sword? (9) 23 In the human body, the lacrimal glands secrete what? (5) 24 Belize was formerly known as British what until 1973? (8) Down 1/17A Which Russian-born American science fiction writer’s

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

best known works are I, Robot and the Foundation trilogy? (5,6) 2/18 Tatanka Iyotake was the real name of which great Sioux chief who took up arms against settlers in the northern Great Plains and against the US Army and was present at the bat-

tle of Little Bighorn in 1876 when the Sioux massacred General Custer’s troops? (7,4) 3 What is the name of the staff of office that lies on the table in the House of Commons when the Speaker is in the chair? (4) 4 In meteorology, what name is given to a line connecting points having equal barometric pressure at a given time? (6) 5 What is the surname of the American baseball player who scored a record 73 home runs in the 2001 season? (5) 6 In classical mythology, which mythical being was half man and half horse? (7) 7 By what name is the redwood tree, especially the California redwood, usually known? (7) 12 What is the surname of the French composer and organist whose best-known works are the ballets Coppelia (1870) and Sylvia (1876)? (7) 13 Which card game resembling rummy, which uses two packs, is usually played by two pairs of partners, and the aim is to collect sets (or melds) of cards? (7) 15 What is the surname of the American humourist and cartoonist who created the character Walter Mitty? (7) 16 Which South American garment is made of a thick piece of woollen cloth with a slit in the middle for the head? (6) 17 Which adverb is used to indicate that a named person is also known or more familiar under another specified name? (5) 19 In the UK, what name is given to the chamber or house of parliament composed of peers and bishops? (5) 21 Which 15th century ruler of Walachia was known as ‘the Impaler’? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH FRUTAS Y VERDURAS

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

1. In Which Country Was The Battle Of Waterloo Fought? 2. From which London Station Do Trains To The Channel Tunnel Leave From? 3. In 1904 Danish Biologist Johannes Schmidt Discovered The Sargasso Sea In The North Atlantic To Be The Breeding Ground Of 4. "What Nationality Was Christian Schonbein, Who Discovered Ozone In 1840 "? 5. What Is The Largest Of The Channel Islands? 6. Of Which Country Is (Freetown) The Capital? 7. In what country is Banff National Park? 8. What Is The Longest River In The Western Hemisphere? 9. What is the nearest town to the Lightwater Valley Theme Park? 10. In which English county is Yeovil? 11. Which Bridge Was The First Major Suspension Bridge In The World? . Belgium 2. Waterloo 3. European Eel 4. German 5. Jersey 6. Sierra Leone 7. Canada 8. The Amazon 9. Ripon 10. Somerset 11. The Menai Strait Bridge In Wales

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 1 Syracuse, 7/11 Ricky Hatton, 8 Contralto, 9 Rum, 10 Seed, 13 Cashew, 14 Humbug, 17 Sorbet, 18/21 Mona Lisa, 20 Pat, 22 Sacrifice, 23 Curie, 24 Nepalese. Down: 1 Sachs, 2 Rangers, 3 Cars, 4 Sylvan, 5 Acorn, 6 Wyoming, 7 Rostrum, 12 Penrose, 13 Compact, 15 Bromine, 16 Fescue, 17 Starr, 19 Adele.

ON UB A B A S L A Y E L S OP CI A N UA I C OA OS NA

P A MA A L I U QD MH OI S T NP A H WA NR GE V P Z N

J WB X RF P N A CUA GUE L P HRL E B RO P A OB I NCE NA HC ORI A A A L H J NE M OJ MC Z A GL A MD T

MANZANA NARANJA PERA MELON UVA MELOCOTON CIRUELA ZANAHORIA CHIRIVIA PATATA PEPINO APIO AJO

ESPINACAS CEBOLLA PIMIENTO GUISANTES COL LIMON PUERRO CALABAZA MORA FRAMBUESA ARANDANO GROSELLA CHILE

Match the English and Spanish names of fruit and vegetables. You will find the answers at the bottom of the page. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

MANZANA NARANJA PERA MELON UVA MELOCOTON CIRUELA ZANAHORIA CHIRIVIA PATATA

Soduko

a. pear b. peach c. apple d. plum e. parsnip f. orange g. grape h. melon i. cucumber j. cauliflower

11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.

PEPINO APIO AJO ESPINACAS CEBOLLA PIMIENTO GUISANTES COL LIMON PUERRO

Span - Eng

k. carrot l. lemon m. leek n. garlic o. potato p. peas q. celery r. pepper s. spinach t. blackcurrant

Quizword

21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26.

CALABAZA u. pumpkin FRAMBUESA v. cranberry ARANDANO w.raspberry GROSELLA x. chilli CHILE y. Strawberry FRESA z. Onion

Answers: 1c, 2f, 3a, 4h, 5g, 6b, 7d, 8k, 9e, 10o, 11i, 12q, 13n, 14s, 15z, 16r, 17p, 18j, 19l, 20m, 21u, 22w, 23v, 24t, 25x, 26y.

geograpy QUIZ

ME L OC OT Z HP HA S E N OMI L A Z A T CS E T N Z V CI RUE P CUE T OI A I H Z MC U A R MI K OF L P A I RS R L L A NE I Z E R MT D N V S S E P A A T OX L K DT N R B O L WC A G WN G Z T A

Fill It In

Friday, March 23, 2012

Horoscopes By Pandora

Aries March 21 - April 19 Liven up your day by putting party balloons all around your desk. This is not the first time you've been caught out. You must really be careful in future. Oil and water are to you what Fish and Gin are to a drunken fisherman. You have many more years ahead of you. One part love, one part hate. This is a recipe for your life.

Wasting my time? Hello Rose. I met a girl on a dating site but as she's local I knew who she was, had seen her in the pub a few times, she looked nice and friendly so I messaged her. I added her on Facebook and we got chatting, I know she's not been single long but that she's not really looking for anything other than new friends and dating so I thought great, I don't like clingy people so that suited me fine. The thing is, I'm not sure if she's interested or not. If I ask her what she's doing at the weekend she's always busy, going out with friends (even if I say I'll be in the same place she never suggests we try to meet) when I ask her about her home she makes it clear that although she's on her own she likes it that way. She's also self-employed so if she's not out with friends she's working. But then I see messages on her Facebook between her friends that sort of look like they could be suggesting she'd hooked up with a guy the night before, like someone’s been round at hers...obviously they don't say that, maybe I'm just reading into it too much? I do like the look of her, but when I went back and read her profile, the description of what she's looking for in a guy isn't really me, I'm not 6 ft. I'm the same height as her, I don't have dark skin etc. and I have a child. Is it maybe just that she's being nice by talking to me? I don't really like the idea of her just being "nice" because I'm local. We have a mutual friend on Facebook and when I asked him about her he said that she's a really friendly person but that he'd mistaken it for her liking him too and when they did go out, he thought it was a date and she saw it as a drink with a mate. So should I just play it cool and see what happens or try and pursue something more with her? Am I just wasting my time? Why do girls do this? DANIEL San Miguel Hello Daniel. You say you don't like clingy people but you're coming over as clingy? Just sounds like she's being friendly to me. She's been specific about

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Pretending to pick fleas off a new member of staff may seem appealing, but the gag may be on you if you actually find some. You should focus on all the positive things that have happened over the past few years. This will help you overcome the incredible setbacks which are coming in the next few weeks.

Gemini May 21 - June 20

If you have a problem Romany Rose can help you with, email her at office@thecourier.es what she is looking for so if you've got in touch after that knowing you weren't it then you have to accept she'll only see you in a friendly way because she'll know you'll have seen it, and she'll know that you know you don't match it. You can't blame her for knowing her own mind, just be thankful that she's being friendly and not just ignoring you.

Unwanted and lonely A while ago I was seeing someone, but he then started to see someone else. I still have feelings for him and it feels horrible. It also seems like everyone around me are getting into relationships and I just feel like no one will ever want me properly and I will just be alone. It has been a few months since the guy started seeing someone else, but I still have feelings for him, is this crazy? I don't know how to stop it. I want to tell my friends, but they seem busy with their own lives and I am too embarrassed to tell them. ELLA Los Dolses Just go ahead and tell one of your closest friends. No friend is too busy to help someone if they really need it. Maybe you could try a family member? Well talking about it with someone is the first step, it’ll clear your head and you can decide what you want to do from there on.

Am I gay or straight Hello Rose. My best friend told me that she's a lesbian a few months ago, and also told me that she used to think I was gay

because I give off "gay vibes". Anyway, I have been feeling really confused lately about my sexuality. I've noticed girls more often and I find myself judging them for looks, but I don't know if this makes me gay? If I am then I'm definitely not lesbian, I'm definitely attracted to guys. But ... yeah I don't know. Is there any way to tell for sure? Any help appreciated, I am beyond confused. Thanks. JOANNA El Galan Hello Joanna. There isn't a need to label or judge yourself. This is because your friend has come out of the closet and told you, and by saying that you give off these 'vibes' makes it her own opinion. All girls look at each other and judge, look for perfection or imperfection. You've only just started realising what you do on a daily basis because your friend has pointed it out. Even if you do like the lady’s, there is nothing wrong with it and it will happen naturally.

Out Of my league Hello Rose. I recently started a new job about a week ago and this girl works there, I was instantly attracted to her. She's the loudest and most noticeable girl at work and she's really attractive, I don't mean just 'fit' but she's really naturally beautiful. I didn't think for a second she'd be interested in me but then last night she started talking to me at work, I was so nervous my leg was literally shaking, she asked me to drive her home and I made a complete tit of myself, stumbling over my words and things. I was really shocked when she asked

me to come out again after I finished work, I picked her up and we drove miles just chatting, then we made out, on the way home she told me she really liked me etc... The thing is I just find it really hard to believe. I've always been the underdog, at school I was bullied for looking gormy, I’ve always been sort of sniggered at by girls. I've had 4 relationships and all have ended badly, 2 with me being cheated on. I was in a relationship for 8 months where we literally never argued and were best friends and then she just met somebody else and changed. I really want this to be real, she's the best girl by far to ever show an interest in me, maybe I’m just really lucky but I keep getting these really paranoid feelings, like why hasn't she texted me back? Is this a bet to see if she can get with the 'new guy’? Is she just trying to get back at her ex? After 4 bad relationships I’m really scared of getting hurt again, it worries me that she likes me so quickly, she said I’ve never liked a guy this fast, does that mean she could stop liking me just as fast? I really want to just relax and accept that this amazing girl likes me. PHILIP via email Hello Philip. I can understand your self-doubt especially as you have been hurt in the past. Try to relax a little more. Easier said than done. Perhaps you should ask her outright. Does she like you as a friend or does she want more? I think you need to know to ease your paranoia. Be prepared that she may see what you have as a bit of fun. But also be prepared that she could easily want more from you. By the sounds of it she does like you, she can talk to you. You have made out. Do not put yourself down though. Good luck.

When leaving your house this morning, don't forget to lock up and give the children a pat on the head. Old cartoons may hold a fascination for you today as you try to recreate a classic 'acme' gag. Stripes are not really a colour, but people will like the way you confuse it as such.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 Good luck is not what you need right now. You could do with the services of a made-up superhero called "Miracle boy". Deja vu is not a thai dish that you had two weeks ago. Everything you feel about yourself will be confirmed today as you're put through the mill and emerge victorious.

Leo July 23 - August 22 A week of rest may be all you need for your broken leg to recover. Doctors may be stunned by a random discovery they make whilst examining you. Whenever you feel unhappy today, smile and go to the toilet. This action should soon turns things around for you.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 You might find yourself on the wrong end of a stick of wood today. Animals can be your friend this week as you learn what it's like to live in an alley. Wearing a hat will only bring true happiness. Oil in your lamp may keep you burning till the break of day. Or it could spill over and set fire to your new shoes.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Think of a number. Now times that number by eighteen. I can confidently predict that your number does not rhyme with "Golfing Umbrella". The smell of dead moles may begin to affect you today. Celebrities don't find you attractive because you are pond scum in comparison.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 The cigarette burn mark on your arm may fade over the coming days and will be replaced by a tattoo of a young lady swathed in roses. Everywhere you go you seem to run into trouble - try not to mess up your life by falling into any kind of trap. An application to receive an award from a website may go very successfully today.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 The shop you like to buy your food from may suddenly disappear with a whooshing sound as you approach it. Everything you hear today will sound echoey and dull. Many of your problems can be solved by sitting down with a pen and paper and doodling pictures of houses and perhaps tornadoes.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 If you feel ill a visit to the doctor could be in store. When the fish wander home cooking gently, who'll be there to open the froth? Incitement is not a word you want to be hearing today, so avoid any particularly aggressive behaviour. There's no harm in taking the day off.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 IBM will never stop making fast computers. You're thinking of MFI. Whilst bad things can happen in quick succession, it takes an absolute genius to screw up an entire life within 30 minutes. Find some candles, tonight will be filled with darkness. In the land that time forgot, everyone had a hard time.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Although similes can often be used as humorous ways to compare something that is banal to something that is funny, you are neither cunning nor weasel like, and it would be best if you left the comedy to the comedians. All that you are may be called into question today when someone calls you a "nancy".

Friday, March 23, 2012

TRELI ON THE TELLY

KEEPING A WATCH ON THE CORRIE KILLER TRUST me not to put my entire fortune on Anne bumping off her son Frank, as I predicted last week, and which was revealed on Monday night’s Coronation Street. The cat was pretty much let out of the bag last Friday, screaming and scratching away, with that big missingwatch clue and all bookies suspending betting on the killer! Full credit to the Corrie team for not stringing this out for ages and it’s been good fun to see Gwen Taylor in a very different light from her jaunty days on Duty Free. Fun is not the word I’d use over the gang storyline that’s been running on the BBC’s Casualty over the last few Saturdays. It’s been so cliché-ridden and predictable, and it had me crying out for the return of the much-missed The Bill, which

Brat Pack era films were followed up by flops, with his career in the doldrums. He’s now back in a very different type of show called Touch on Sky One, and on Fox here in Spain. Kiefer plays a dad whose son can only communicate through numbers and who can work out links between events that on the face of it are just not linked. It was an extremely promising and captivating first episode of a series that is the brainchild of handled such matters far, far Tim Kring, who brought us better. Heroes - and that’s the worry. Kiefer Sutherland could do The first series of that show no wrong for me as agent was funny, exciting and movJack Bauer in the grounding, and then after all the breaking 24. That series resuccess, it quickly went down wrote the playbook on TV the gurgler into a complete thrills and spills with a cineand utter mess. The Fox matic quality, that ironically Network in the States have will see the show hitting the already ordered a second big screen next year. series of Touch, and I hope It’s also 24 that made Kring has learnt from the Sutherland a genuinely big mistakes of what he did and international star, after his didn’t do with Heroes, which by right should still have been wowing audiences around the world with fresh stories today. One of TV’s great treats is seeing Lord Sugar lose it, and you know that spring is very much here as The Apprentice bounced back onto BBC1 for a new series on Wednesday night. It didn’t take long for the back-biting and stabbing to get going on what seemed to be a pretty straight-forIn for the ward task of selling kill...Corrie’s screen-printed prodGwen Taylor ucts to Joe Public. It

really does make me want to ask whether any of the contenders have actually seen the programme in previous years. Do conceited egomaniacs actually believe they can win? Forget Ali versus Frazier. The big fight is on t o m o r r o w between the spin departments (sorry, Press Offices of the BBC and ITV), as to who did better in the Saturday night clash of the titans with the Beeb’s new singing contest, The Voice, up against the return of Britain’s Got Talent. Funny that BGT has started a few weeks earlier this year! To be fair, there’s only around a 20-minute overlap, but the stack of bull that will spew from the spin merchants on Sunday will be hilarious. Here’s my take. Watch both and enjoy. If the UK version of The Voice on BBC 1 is anything like that from America, you’ll love it as it concentrates totally on finding singing talent rather than any flannel and pointless joke auditions. There’s also big street cred with folk like Tom Jones and Jessie J, who are called coaches…..not judges! Over on ITV1, BGT will score high as Simon Cowell

Pitched to the public for its producer's association to the 2008 cartoon-cutout sword and sandal fest "300," this spectacle-driven tale of myth-based fantasy rightly earns its stripes thanks to a heavy-duty cast that includes the masterful John Hurt as a human-disguised Zeus and Mickey Rourke as an incredibly vicious King Hyperion. Greek peasant warrior Theseus (Henry Cavill – “The Tudors”) is handpicked by the mortal incarnation of Zeus (John Hurt) to take up arms against King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) who, with the help of his enormous army, is wiping out everything in his path in search of an allempowering golden bow

IMMORTALS 15

crosscurrents to the brutality onscreen. Some of this effect can be attributed to John Hurt’s uncanny ability to influence the narrative during his short but crucial scenes that bookend the story. The incredibly violent action that occurs includes numerous decapitations and scenes of erotic sensuality that temporarily alleviate the bonecrushing violence on hand. Myth genre movies have come a long way since Jason and the Argonauts” (1963). “Immortals” is a big-screen popcorn movie to thoroughly enjoy. You can taste the fury.

with ALEX TRELINSKI

CAST: John Hurt, Mickey Rourke, Stephen Dorff, Henry Cavill DIRECTOR: Tarsem Singh RATING: 3.5/5 RUNNING TIME: 110 min. (forged in the heavens by the god Ares) that will destroy humanity. Theseus has a running start at battling King Hyperion considering he’s been mentored by Zeus. Only the long-lost magical Epirus Bow can release an army of gargantuan Titans imprisoned in a giant cubical cell buried in Mount Tartaros, where they wait to be brought back to life so they can take revenge against the gods who put them there. The catch is that the Gods of

Olympus who defeated the Titans are sworn not to interfere with human matters even if it means allowing King Hyperion to obtain the powerful bow. As such, Henry Cavill’s Theseus carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. There’s a constant sense of mythic themes running at

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Britain’s Got Talent is up against The Voice on BBC

is back on every show, and he’ll have new panelists David Walliams and Alesha (I didn’t leave Strictly Come Dancing for the money) Dixon joining him, as well as the excellent Ant and Dec hosting. I’ve always much preferred BGT as a show over the X Factor, but the only problem is that it will never get another Susan Boyle moment. Or will it? Wait and see. Having panned the HBO racing drama Luck in my column a fortnight ago, guess what? The show has been pulled whilst shooting a second series. A third horse died, and that was apparently too much for the bosses who were worried by the bad publicity from animal-rights activists for their subscrip-

tion-based channel. My cynical reaction is that they used it as a perfect excuse to pull a show that they rashly gave a second season to on the basis of just one episode. I don’t suppose HBO would cancel the magnificent Game of Thrones, which returns to our screens next month, if any animals got injured. Talking of returns, after a close to two-year absence, Mad Men comes back for a new series on its new UK home of Sky Atlantic on Tuesday night, with Canal Plus to follow shortly. TV drama doesn’t get much better, but in a curious contradiction the show only attracts a small audience. It does make you scratch your head in wonder!

Friday March 23 00:35 This Week 01:20 Skiing Weatherview 01:25 Panorama 01:55 Countryfile 02:55 Hidden 03:55 Antiques Road Trip 04:40 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Crime and Punishment 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather 16:05 The Big Sport Relief WarmUp 16:10 David Walliams' Big Swim: A Sport Relief Special 16:35 The Big Sport Relief WarmUp 16:45 Blue Peter 17:10 The Big Sport Relief WarmUp 17:20 Million Pound Bike Ride 2010 17:45 The Big Sport Relief WarmUp 18:00 Horrible Histories 18:05 The Big Sport Relief WarmUp 18:15 Sport Relief Does Glee Club 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 Sport Relief 2012 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Sport Relief 2012

00:20 01:20 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00

The Tube Medium Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Children at Work

05:30 Children at Work: Circus 06:00 Life Stories 07:00 Harry and Toto 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:25 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Alphablocks 09:35 Abadas 09:45 Poetry Pie 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Guess with Jess 10:40 Andy's Wild Adventures 10:55 Tree Fu Tom 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:25 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:30 Mama Mirabelle's Home Movies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 My Life in Books 14:30 Living Dangerously 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! Ten of the Best 17:30 Breakaway 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 20:00 Coast 20:30 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Reverse Missionaries 23:00 Sport Relief 2012 23:40 Newsnight

00:35 The Jonathan Ross Show 01:30 Take Me Out 02:30 ITV News Headlines 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Safari Vet School 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Benidorm 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Air America

SAHARA Action adventure based on the novel by Clive Cussler, starring Matthew McConaughey, PenĂŠlope Cruz and Steve Zahn. Courageous salvage expert Dirk Pitt comes across a clue to the existence of a warship laden with gold in the middle of the African desert. But his rescue of a plague-hunting doctor from the forces of a military dictator puts the adventure on a completely different footing.

00:00 Embarrassing Bodies 01:05 The Shooting Gallery 02:05 China: Triumph and Turmoil 03:00 A Film from My Parish 03:10 Home Country 03:15 The World's Strangest Plastic Surgery and Me 04:10 Stagnate 04:20 Tomorrow 04:25 The Bible: A History 05:20 Dover Castle: A Time Team Special 06:20 My Eden 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 10:00 Undercover Boss USA 11:00 The Renovation Game 12:00 You Deserve This House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:35 How to Cook Like Heston 14:05 Drums along the Mohawk 16:05 Channel 4 Presents 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 Sahara

00:45 Forensic Files 01:15 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Emergency Bikers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Ice Twisters 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Revealed 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Castle

Saturday March 24 02:30 David Walliams' Big Swim: A Sport Relief Special 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Weatherview 03:35 The Record Review 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Click 04:45 Newswatch 05:00 BBC News 05:30 On the Road With 06:00 BBC News 06:30 Our World 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Football Focus 14:00 Formula 1 15:15 John Bishop's Sport Relief Hell 16:15 Sport Relief 17:30 Final Score 18:10 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:30 A Question of Sport 19:00 Winter Wipeout 20:00 The Voice UK 21:20 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 22:10 Casualty 23:00 BBC News; Weather 23:20 National Lottery Update 23:20 Match of the Day

00:10 Weather

00:50 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 01:00 The Visitor 02:35 Climates 04:15 Close 07:00 Bob the Builder 08:05 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab 08:30 Dennis and Gnasher 08:45 The Scooby-Doo Show 09:05 Pixelface 09:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 10:00 Ultimate Sports Day 10:30 Blue Peter 11:00 Blue Peter 11:30 Diddy Dick & Dom 12:00 Hacker Time 12:25 OOglies 12:45 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 Anchors Aweigh 15:15 Camelot 18:05 Escape to the Country 18:50 Flog It! 19:50 Dad's Army 20:20 The Story of Light Entertainment 21:20 How God Made the English 22:20 Bright Star

01:35 The Zone 03:40 Jaws 05:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 12:20 This Morning: Saturday 13:25 Murder, She Wrote 14:25 ITV News and Weather 14:39 Meridian Weather 14:40 The Planet's Funniest Animals 14:55 The 'Burbs 16:45 Land of the Lost 18:30 Meridian News and Weather 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 New You've Been Framed! 19:30 All Star Family Fortunes 20:30 Harry Hill's TV Burp 21:00 Britain's Got Talent 22:20 Take Me Out 23:20 The Jonathan Ross Show

BRITAINS GOT TALENT As Britain's Got Talent returns, the big news is that Simon Cowell is returning to the judging panel to sit alongside Amanda Holden and newcomers David Walliams and Alesha Dixon. There have already been mutterings in the press about Walliams’s tendency to make risqué comments during the auditions (even though the word is he’s been banned from joking about Cowell’s height or love life), but surely that’s all part of the entertainment?

00:30 Rude Tube 01:35 Napoleon Dynamite 03:10 Random Acts 03:15 My Name Is Earl 03:40 My Name Is Earl 04:05 Hung 04:35 Hung 05:00 Reaper 05:45 90210 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 Road to London 2012: Paralympics Extra 08:30 The Grid 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Koko Pop 10:25 The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!: T4 Movie Special 10:55 The Album Chart Show Introduces: Emeli Sande 11:15 Charlie's Angels 12:15 The Big Bang Theory 12:45 The Big Bang Theory 13:15 The Big Bang Theory 13:45 The Simpsons 14:15 The Simpsons 14:50 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me 19:50 4thought.tv 19:55 Channel 4 News 20:25 River Cottage 21:20 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 22:20 The Million Pound Drop Live

00:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 00:55 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Motorsport Mundial 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:15 City of Friends 07:30 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:40 Castle Farm 07:45 Igam Ogam 08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:20 Family! 08:30 Make Way for Noddy 08:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:00 Little Princess 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 11:00 Inside Hollywood 11:05 The Hunger Games: Movie Special 11:35 Building the Super Tower: Megastructures 12:35 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 13:40 Short Circuit 2 15:45 Contact 18:25 Daddy Day Care 20:20 5 News Weekend 20:25 NCIS 21:10 NCIS 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: NY 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Sunday March 25 00:00 BBC News; Weather 00:20 National Lottery Update 01:45 The Football League Show 03:00 Weatherview 03:05 BBC News 03:30 Dateline London 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Christine Lagarde: Trillion Dollar Woman 06:00 BBC News 06:30 The Record Europe 07:00 Breakfast 08:30 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Country Tracks 13:00 Sunday Politics 14:00 Sport Relief 2012: The Mile Show 15:45 Formula 1 17:40 The Food Inspectors 18:10 Songs of Praise 18:45 Land Girls 19:35 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Upstairs Downstairs 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 We Won't Drop the Baby

01:10 The Sarah Millican Television Programme

01:40 Synecdoche, New York 03:40 Caramel 05:10 Close 07:00 Bob the Builder 07:25 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 07:40 Octonauts 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab 08:30 Dennis and Gnasher 08:40 The Owl 09:05 Paradise Cafe 09:30 Diddy Dick & Dom 10:00 The Slammer 10:30 Sorry, I've Got No Head 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:30 Escape to the Country 13:30 The Sheriffs Are Coming 14:15 EastEnders 16:10 Carry On Again Doctor 17:35 Carry On at Your Convenience 19:00 TOTP2 20:00 Sandhurst 21:00 Top Gear 22:00 In Orbit: How Satellites Rule Our World 23:00 Match of the Day 2 23:50 Mr Rich and the Terriers

00:20 The Jonathan Ross Show 01:20 ITV News and Weather 01:34 Meridian Weather 01:35 The Cube 02:30 ITV News Headlines 04:00 In Plain Sight 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 10:25 ITV News 10:30 Ade in Britain 11:30 May the Best House Win 12:30 Dickinson's Real Deal 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:34 Meridian Weather 13:35 Britain's Got Talent 14:55 Murder, She Wrote: the Celtic Riddle 16:35 Midsomer Murders 18:35 The Planet's Funniest Animals 18:50 Meridian News and Weather 19:05 ITV News and Weather 19:20 Harry Hill's TV Burp 19:50 Dancing on Ice 22:00 Titanic 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:14 Meridian Weather 23:15 Perspectives: David Suchet -

AVATAR James Cameron's epic science-fiction fantasy, starring Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver and ZoĂŤ Saldana. Paraplegic marine Jake Sully takes over his dead brother's mission on the distant planet of Pandora, where, by fusing his mind with a genetically engineered native body, he is required to infiltrate and gather intelligence about the local population. But Jake's loyalties become divided when he discovers a clandestine plot to drive out the locals and gain access to the planet's rich mineral reserves.

01:05 Jennifer's Body 03:00 The Vault of Horror 04:30 Reaper 05:10 I Hate That Smile 05:15 Countdown 06:00 Railroaded 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Road to London 2012: That Paralympic Show 08:30 Sailing 08:55 Channel 4 Presents 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:55 Frasier 10:25 Frasier 11:00 Sunday Brunch 13:00 The Big Bang Theory 13:30 The Big Bang Theory 13:55 The Simpsons 14:25 Failure to Launch 16:10 Deal or No Deal 17:10 Time Team 18:15 Channel 4 News 18:45 4thought.tv 18:50 Avatar 22:00 Homeland 23:00 The Million Pound Drop Live

00:00 CSI: NY 00:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:50 Inside Hollywood 02:00 SuperCasino 05:00 Great Scientists 05:25 Great Scientists 05:50 County Secrets 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 City of Friends 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Igam Ogam 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:15 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Family! 08:35 Make Way for Noddy 08:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:00 Little Princess 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 11:00 Meerkat Manor 11:25 Grey's Anatomy 12:20 Stansted: The Inside Story 13:20 Cowboy Builders 14:25 The Shootist 16:20 Tunes of Glory 18:20 Battle of Britain 21:00 The Lost Evidence 21:55 5 News 22:00 Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

Monday March 26 00:15 Sport Relief 01:30 Weatherview 01:35 Film 2012 with Claudia Winkleman 02:15 Holby City 03:15 Question Time 04:15 Antiques Road Trip 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 The 1952 Show 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Secrets and Words 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Jedward's Big Adventure 16:35 The Owl 17:00 12 Again 17:30 Deadly 60 Bites 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Empire 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 One Night

00:20 Football League Trophy Highlights 01:00 Formula 1 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Close 07:00 Harry and Toto 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion

07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:25 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Alphablocks 09:35 Abadas 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Mike the Knight 10:40 Andy's Wild Adventures 10:55 Tree Fu Tom 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:25 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:30 Cloudbabies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 My Life in Books 14:30 Living Dangerously 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! Ten of the Best 17:30 Breakaway 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Just a Minute 19:30 Eggheads 20:00 A Very British Holiday: A Wonderland Film 21:00 Chaplains: Angels of Mersey 21:30 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 22:00 The Tube 23:00 Watson & Oliver 23:30 Weather

00:15 Premiership Rugby Union 01:15 ITV News Headlines 03:35 River Monsters 04:20 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Dales 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Scott & Bailey 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Agenda

INSIDE THE TITANIC Drama-documentary telling the story of the sinking of passenger liner RMS Titanic in April 1912 from the point of view of those below decks. Based on records from the official inquiry, the film follows the men working in the ship's massive machine rooms, and their desperate battle to save the vessel, as well as those in the passenger cabins - including the man racing to save his secret mistress, the nurse searching flooding corridors for the child in her care and the brothers perched on the lip of the sinking vessel deciding whether to jump.

00:30 The Illusionist 02:30 The Big Bang Theory 04:00 Reaper 04:45 Hollyoaks 07:00 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Undercover Boss USA 11:00 The Food Hospital 12:00 You Deserve This House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:35 Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 China: Triumph and Turmoil 22:00 Embarrassing Bodies 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

00:10 Timecop 02:05 SuperCasino 05:00 The FBI Files 05:50 Rough Guide to Cities 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Milkshake! Monkey 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Emergency Bikers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Mentalist 16:10 Nora Roberts' Northern Lights 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Inside the Titanic 22:00 Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Tuesday March 27 00:35 Late Kick Off 01:05 Who Do You Think You Are? US 01:50 Weatherview 01:55 Letting Go 02:40 Great British Food Revival 03:40 Hidden 04:40 Antiques Road Trip 05:25 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 The 1952 Show 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Secrets and Words 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Jedward's Big Adventure 16:35 Lockie Leonard 17:00 12 Again 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 Holby City 22:00 The Syndicate 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 One Night

00:20 In Orbit: How Satellites Rule Our World 01:20 BBC News 01:30 HARDtalk 02:00 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:15 The Super League Show 04:00 Schools: The Code 04:30 Schools: Eco Maths Primary 05:30 Schools: Eco Maths Key Stage 3 06:00 Schools: History Hunt

07:00 07:10 07:20 07:35 07:45 07:50 08:00 08:30 08:45 08:55 09:00 09:25 09:30 09:35 09:45 09:50 10:05 10:20 10:30 10:40 10:55 11:20 11:25 11:30 11:40 12:00 12:30 13:00 14:00 14:30 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 Mouth 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30

Harry and Toto Lunar Jim Raa Raa the Noisy Lion Octonauts Dipdap Pinky Dinky Doo Roar League of Super Evil Eliot Kid Newsround Bear Behaving Badly Shaun the Sheep Alphablocks Abadas Numtums Lulu Zipadoo Tinga Tinga Tales Driver Dan's Story Train Mike the Knight Andy's Wild Adventures Tree Fu Tom Zingzillas Zingbop Chuggington: Badge Quest Cloudbabies Waybuloo In the Night Garden BBC World News Daily Politics My Life in Books Animal Park Weakest Link Helicopter Heroes Flog It! Ten of the Best Breakaway Put Your Money Where Your Is Just a Minute Eggheads This World The Hairy Bikers' Bakeation Horizon Never Mind the Buzzcocks Weather

00:05 Mayday Mayday 00:35 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 01:30 The Zone 03:30 Champions League Weekly 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live FA Cup Football 23:10 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:40 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:45 Benidorm

THE SYNDICATE New series. The five-strong staff of a struggling Leeds supermarket face an uncertain future, so two of them come up with a plan to take matters into their own hands. But then the unthinkable happens - the group's numbers come up on the lottery and ÂŁ18million falls into their laps overnight. It could be the answer to all their problems. Or maybe, life is about to get a lot more complicated. Kay Mellor drama, starring Timothy Spall, Matthew McNulty, Joanna Page, Lorraine Bruce and Matthew Lewis.

00:00 Homeland 01:05 Random Acts 01:10 Death Row 02:10 Falklands' Most Daring Raid 03:10 Made in America 05:00 Privileged 05:45 90210 06:25 Countdown 07:10 Sali Mali 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Undercover Boss USA 11:00 The Food Hospital 12:00 You Deserve This House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:35 River Cottage 13:45 Darby's Rangers 16:05 Channel 4 Presents 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Supersize vs Superskinny 22:00 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 23:00 Facejacker 23:30 Hit the Road Jack

01:05 Gladiator: The True Story 02:00 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Milkshake! Monkey 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Hana's Helpline 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Emergency Bikers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 The Perfect Teacher 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 21:00 Revealed 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: NY

Wednesday March 28 00:35 The Estate 01:05 Wishful Thinking 02:30 Weatherview 02:35 The Apprentice 03:35 Exile 04:35 Great British Food Revival 05:35 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 The 1952 Show 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Secrets and Words 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Jedward's Big Adventure 16:35 Lockie Leonard 17:00 12 Again 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 National Lottery Update

07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:25 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Alphablocks 09:35 Abadas 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Mike the Knight 10:40 Andy's Wild Adventures 10:55 Tree Fu Tom 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:25 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:30 Cloudbabies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 Here Comes Mr Jordan 14:00 See Hear 14:30 Animal Park 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! Ten of the Best 17:30 Breakaway 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Just a Minute 19:30 Eggheads 20:00 Escape to the Country 20:30 Watson & Oliver 21:00 The Fisherman's Apprentice with Monty Halls 22:00 WikiLeaks: The Secret Life of a Superpower 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired! 23:30 Weather

00:45 Ladette to Lady: Australia 01:40 The Zone 04:00 Crossing Jordan 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

FACEJACKER 00:20 WikiLeaks: The Secret Life of a Superpower 01:20 How God Made the English 02:20 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Your Paintings 04:30 Mud, Sweat & Tractors: The Story of Agriculture 05:00 3, 2, 1 Go!: Key Stage 1 06:00 3, 2, 1 Go!: Key Stage 2 07:00 Harry and Toto

New series. Kayvan Novak adopts various guises to play pranks on unsuspecting members of the public. The latest series sees him unleashing his creations in the USA, where dodgy dealer Terry Tibbs causes chaos at a Philadelphia beauty pageant, while back in the UK minicab drivers are put through their paces by Augustine Kwembe, an inspector with some unsightly habits.

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 Desperate Housewives 01:05 Poker 02:05 Sailing 02:35 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:00 The Grid 03:30 Ultimate Frisbee 03:35 Late Night Poker 04:30 Brief Encounters of the Sporting Mind: Gymnastics 04:35 That Paralympic Show 05:05 Road to London 2012: Paralympics Extra 06:00 Channel 4 Presents 06:05 Full Metal Challenge 07:00 Sali Mali 07:05 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Undercover Boss USA 11:00 The Food Hospital 12:00 You Deserve This House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:35 River Cottage Bites 13:40 Action in the North Atlantic 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Four Rooms 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 10 O'Clock Live 23:55 Facejacker

00:00 CSI: Miami 00:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 01:50 Inside Hollywood 02:00 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Milkshake! Monkey 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 London: The Inside Story 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:10 Mary Higgins Clark's Remember Me 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Big Body Squad 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Thursday March 29 00:45 02:35 02:40 03:10 04:10 05:10 05:40 06:00 06:30 06:45 07:00 10:15 11:00 11:58 12:00 12:45 13:13 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:05 16:35 17:00 17:30 18:00 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

Poltergeist Weatherview See Hear Upstairs Downstairs Watchdog Britain's First Photo Album Panorama BBC News World Business Report BBC News Breakfast The 1952 Show Homes Under the Hammer BBC News; Weather The Sheriffs Are Coming Cash in the Attic BBC News; Weather Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Secrets and Words BBC News; Weather; Jedward's Big Adventure The Owl 12 Again Deadly 60 Bites Newsround Pointless BBC News Regional News Programmes The One Show BBC News; Regional News Watchdog The Honeymoon Murder BBC News Regional News and Weather Question Time

00:20 The Biggest Chinese Restaurant in the World 01:20 Medium 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Schools - The Charles Dickens Show: Workhouse 04:20 Schools - The Charles Dickens Show: Health 04:40 Schools - The Charles Dickens Show: Child Labour 05:00 Schools - Children at Work: Cocoa 05:30 Schools - Children at Work: Bollywood 06:00 Schools - Same But Different

07:00 Harry and Toto 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 07:35 Octonauts 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:25 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Alphablocks 09:35 Abadas 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Lulu Zipadoo 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Mike the Knight 10:40 Andy's Wild Adventures 10:55 Tree Fu Tom 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:25 Chuggington: Badge Quest 11:30 Cloudbabies 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Return of the Bad Men 14:30 Animal Park 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! Ten of the Best 17:30 Breakaway 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Just a Minute 19:30 Eggheads 20:00 The Hairy Bikers' Bakeation 21:00 Natural World 22:00 White Heat 23:00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme 23:30 Weather

00:35 Road Warriors 01:30 The Zone 03:30 The Day of the Jackal 05:50 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Love Life 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight 23:35 The Jonathan Ross Show

THE HONEYMOON MURDER A Panorama report examining in detail the hours leading up to the death of Anni Dewani while on honeymoon in Cape Town in 2010. The film investigates the case against her husband Shrien, currently fighting in UK courts to avoid extradition to South Africa to stand trial for murder, and includes CCTV footage that suggests a different side to the couple than the one that has so far been portrayed.

00:25 Hit the Road Jack 01:10 Random Acts 01:15 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:35 The Album Chart Show: Spotlight 01:50 Black Cab Sessions 02:20 4Play: The Civil Wars 02:35 4Play: All the Young 02:50 The Great Escape Festival 2011 03:15 Ibiza Rocks 03:45 Live from Abbey Road 04:30 One Man Walking 04:50 Privileged 05:30 90210 06:15 Countdown 07:00 Sali Mali 07:05 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Undercover Boss USA 11:00 The Food Hospital 12:00 You Deserve This House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:35 River Cottage 13:50 The Electric Horseman 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Get Your House in Order 22:00 Mary's Bottom Line 23:00 Death Row

00:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 00:55 Poker: The Big Game 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Milkshake! Monkey 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 London: The Inside Story 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 The Nanny Express 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Holiday Heaven on Earth 20:30 Live UEFA Europa League Football 23:15 The Glimmer Man

Friday, March 23, 2012 insurance company, “CASER”. Policies available in English and German. Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from a real person/our friendly staff.

AWNINGS

ACCOMMODATION Small, economic family run hotel, situated on the CV951, San Miguel de Salinas. Modern air-conditioned and ensuite rooms available, 35€ per room, per night. Call 966 842 070 for reservations.

MEDICAL

ACCOUNTANTS Are you running a business? Let us simplify things for you – accountancy, taxes, payroll services and more. We cater for companies and individuals. Established in 1984 on the Costa Blanca. Call us on 966 923 963 for your first consultation free of charge.

Looking for an Automatic we have 15 automatic cars in stock, for sale or exchange , English LHD & RHD Tel 600 726 221 - 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Automatic Citroen C2 July 2007 1.4 HDI auto tiptronic VTR, High Spec model with alloys, A/C Front Fogs and much more FSH, Metallic silver, Stunning condition 7250 euros Tel 600 726 221 - 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars .com

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276. Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3. Pilar de la Horadada. Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information contact Pilar ChristianCommunity Church@gmail.com or contact Reverend Eddie on 966 7693 00 or 650 509 606. Reg No:2009-SG/A

AIR CONDITIONING

Make the most of private health care and private hospitals, we have great cover and a two tier pricing system to suit your age and pocket. All policies in English, many English speaking doctors or free translators at your service. Call us now on 966 923 963, and we will call you back

HOT TUBS/SPAS

INSURANCE CARS FOR SALE Try Professional Business Support for your quick quote for car insurance. Excellent prices for expats, all policies available in English or German. We will call you back with a price. 966 923 963 Caravan for Sale. Spanish registered, fully legal, Adria Altea 2004. V.G. Condition. Sleeps 4. Stabilizer. ITV Nov. 2013. Can deliver. €3750 o.n.o. Phone 965 707 981 or 676 906 788 Can email photos and more details Looking for a car we have a good selection of LHD & RHD vehicles FOR SALE or EXCHANGE Tel 600 726 221 - 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com

For all your insurance needs, ie.home, car, health, funeral, travel, etc Excellent cover from Spain´s 5th biggest

with your quote. Caser Health Care .

PROPERTY MANAGEMENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 TipTop Villa Care, for all your property needs. Meet and Greets. Cleaning. Holiday and Long Term Rentals. Advertising. Baby Equipment Hire. www.tiptopvillacare.com e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare .com Tel 667848582 (60) WANTED Los Alcazares, San

LONG TERM RENTALS Javier, Furnished/unfurnished, 3 bedroom houses for long term rental, immediate tenants waiting. Call Linda 968566011 Mob. 667848582 Linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk Santiago de la Ribera, 3 bedroom house, larger than aver-

age, south facing, UK TV and internet available. Near Wednesday market and beach, Tel Linda 667848582 ROLDAN LARGE DETACHED VILLA opposite parkland. Near to town centre and schools. Ideal for La Torre Golf Resort and Kings College. linda@tiptopvillacare.com or call Tel 667848582 www.tiptopvillacare.com (60) FORMENTERA de la SEGURA. NEAR ROJALES. Sunny and Bright 2 bedroom apartment. Large Terrace with BBQ. Walking distance to Town Centre 350€/mth* Linda 667848582 (60)

DRAINAGE

BEAUTY CENTER

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BOILERS

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Friday, March 23, 2012

PROPERTY FOR RENT Luxury appartments, 2/3 bedrooms in San Miguel De

Salinas. Floor heating, Elevator, Roof terrace with swimmingpool, from 385 euros/month Also holiday rentals and appartments in San Miguel de Salinas from 350 euros/month. 966 723 437 and 616 487 493 (60) Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. €300PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 708, A lovely two bedroom, one bathroom corner ground floor apartment in Algorfa, with a spacious patio

HEADLAMPS

& Residents off road parking. Communal pool near by. Short or long term rental available. €400PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 117, A Lovely 3 Bedroomed 1st floor apartment on the outskirts of Torrevieja (Mar Azul). The Apartment is in walking distance of the excellent beaches and a good selection of restaurants, shops and bars. €425PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, Well situated studio apartment in San Luis. The property has a balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Close to all shops and amenities, on a local bus route & 10 minutes from the beach. €250PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. 702, A lovely 2 bedroom apartment in a quiet area of Torrevieja yet within walking distance to local beaches and amenities. It’s also less than an hour’s drive from both Alicante and Murcia San Javier Airports. €400PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR SALE Excellent cover for your house and home, includes travel assistance for when you go away. Interesting prices for expats; policies available in English or German. Call 966 923 963 for a quote REDUCED Ground floor Duplex in Puerto Marino, Gran Alacant. Now only 99,500 euros. 2 bed, 1 bath, fully furnished Central heating, glazed galleria, grills, Mozzie nets, front garden, com pools, Private gated parking, walking distance to Shops bars restaurants etc. 627 711 155

Calling all serious Buyers. I have a 5 bed, 4 bath, 2 kitchens, 2 lounges, detached Villa with self-filling pool in Gran Alacant. Everything included in price, fantastic Alicante /sea views. As a starting price I am looking in the region of 265.000 euros Interested in making me an offer call me on 680 333 242 Mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant 2 Bed, 3 Bath, being sold fully furnished. Electrical Appliances included, large front and rear garden, choice of communal pools, Private secure parking and walking distance to GA Center. 140.000 euros ono. Call 627 711 155 for viewing.

DANCE CLASSES

RE-REGISTRATION

SUN PROTECTION

PLASTERER

DAMP PROOFING

FURNITURE

FAST BROADBAND

FISHING

GLASS CURTAINS

GARDENING

ELECTRICIAN

Lovely well maintained terraced property situated in Mediterranea III in Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, everything included in price. Large communal pool, tennis courts, established gardens Walking distance to shops, bars restaurants. Very quiet location, over looks nature reserve. Private parking, call 680 333 242 for more details. 133.000 euros Beach Front property opposite Carabassi Beach 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, roof top solarium under ground secure parking, walking distance to beach Situated on local tram and bus route.

NEWS AGENTS

RAG AND BONE MAN

PETS

SECURITY PLUMBERS

LOCKSMITH

SEWING

Friday, March 23, 2012 Being sold fully furnished. 4 communal pools, tennis courts, bar and restaurant with in urbanisation Please ring 966 699 136 after 6pm (english & spanish spoken) Now only 125.000 euros excellent value in Gran Alacant. Quick sale needed. 199.000 euros ono Detached property in Puerto Marina. 3 Bed, 3 Bath, Immaculately furnished Alarmed, Central heating, Log fire, Hot & Cold air con, open fields to the rear, Private parking, Communal pools. 966.699.478 after 5 pm. Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant 209,000 euros 3 Double bedrooms with fitted wardrobes 2 bathrooms, spacious kitchen with galleria Lounge complete with chimney, large under build, top quality furniture and appliances inc. Com pools, underground garage, tennis courts To view call 627 711 155 Semi-detached villa in Gran Alacant 3 bed, 3 bath, lounge diner, independent kitchen, glazed in porch, large solarium with stunning views, Private Parking. A/Con

Central heating, UK TV. Only 229.000 euros By appointment only call 966 699 136 Large detached villa, large pool with electronic solar cover, converted under build, roof top solarium with conservatory, panoramic views 545 m2 plot, part furnished, double glazed, A/con, alarmed, gas fire, est. irrigated gardens Call 680 333 242 for best price Ref 30 Close to Supavalue in Gran Alacant. Detached villa with pool on 640m2 plot. 3 bed, 2 bath, lounge diner, large roof top solarium, Porch, Outside WC, 2 built-in BBQ’s, Log Fire, Under build, Alarmed, Mature Gardens, Toldos blinds, Garage, Electronic Gates. 260.000 euros 627 711 155 English & Spanish spoken. Balsares, terraced 4 bed-

STORAGE

roomed house, 3 bathrooms, large underbuild, private underground parking direct to house, small gated urbanisation, directly over looking proposed new golf course opposite Gran Alacant, priced for quick sale at original off plan price 195.000 Tel 680 333 242 Gran Alacant, front line, 2 bed,

1 bath, downstairs toilet, fully furnished, roof terrace, walking distance to beaches, large communal and resturants, beach front property priced for quick sale 125,000 Tel 680 333 242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the

FANCY DRESS

Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com

SKY TV www.mrskytv.com SKY boxes, Dish realignments and problem solving (see our main advert in TV section) call 965 070 458 or 618585051

SOLICITORS Need English Speaking Solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your problems with debt recovery, divorce, property, accident claims, legalise land. Call us on 966

923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor.

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are welcome to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (61)

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Friday, March 23, 2012

Greenside Gossip IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

LIFE (AND LAUGHS) BEGINS AT FEHERTY It’s Britain and Ireland v Europe as the Golf War goes local again

BRITAIN and Ireland’s expat golfers will stage their own version of the Ryder Cup on the Costa Blanca this spring. A 20-man team will take on Europe at Vistabella Golf on Saturday May 19. And the resurrection of the international team tournament is largely down to Vistabella’s Director of Golf, Pablo Riestra. It’s the first such contest since Europe took on Spain at La Serena Golf in 2007 and then at Roda Golf the following year. The Europeans won both of those tournaments and will be out to complete a hat-trick of victories. The competition will be over one day and consist of both singles Matchplay and fourball better-ball modified Matchplay. And there will be Nearest the Pins and Longest Drive prizes, among others. There will be an opportunity to come along to the Vistabella to support your country it will be a day out for everyone to enjoy. If you would like to represent your Country, then contact the respective Captain as detailed on the poster.

DAVID FEHERTY wasn’t exactly a failure as a tournament pro – but plenty of people reckon he talks a much better game than he plays. The Ulsterman won five tournaments and twice finished in the top 10 of the European Tour's Order of Merit. He was also a member of Europe’s 1991 Ryder Cup team. But it’s the smooth-tongued Feherty’s hilarious observations on all things golf that have really lit up the game…and which saw his career swing off course to writing and broadcasting following his retirement from the tour circuit in 1997. These days he works for CBS Sports and Golf Channel – a world away from the action which earned him more than €3 Feherty goes million during a playing career in which he represented Tiger hunting Ireland and captained the victorious 1990 Alfred Dunhill Cup team. When he joined CBS Sports as an on-course reporter and golf analyst, there was a bit more to it than that. Because Feherty is a man with a silver tongue and unique sense of fun. l “That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t "Everything moves except his bowels." And his hilarious witticisms find it if it was wrapped in bacon.” l "Watching Phil Mickelson play golf have become as much a part l“I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn’t be here is like watching a drunk chasing a balof the Tour in recent years as this week. He is busy attending the birth of loon near the edge of a cliff." the playing success of his his next wife.” l I was swinging like a toilet door on fellow Ulstermen. l On Jim Furyk’s swing: “It looks like a prawn trawler. No one is immune from a an octopus falling out of a tree.” Feherty ribbing … which can l Bumpy greens don’t bother me any l On Luke Donald's recent success: more. Since I have become an analyst I be embarrassingly near-the“He’s a bloody walking ATM. I slid my don’t see the problem. knuckle. Example - comAmEx card between the cheeks of his ass menting on fears that new lOn the 14 years since CBS colleague and out popped $500.” World No.1 Rory McIlroy was Gary McCord was banned from the injured: “Fortunately, Rory is l Describing VJ Singh's prodigious pracMasters: "They don't do comedy at the tice regime: "VJ hits more balls than only 22 years old, so his right Masters. The Masters, for me, is like Elton John's chin." wrist should be the strongest holding onto a really big collection of muscle in his body.” l"That was a great shot -- if they'd gas for a week. It's like having my butA little too risque for a famput the pin there today." tocks surgically clenched at Augusta ily newspaper? Well, you l"All you need for a happy life is General Hospital on Wednesday, and decide when you’ve read the good health and a bad memory." surgically unclenched on Monday on Feherty Files alongside. lDescribing a player's tee shot: the way to Hilton Head."

THE FEHERTY FILES

TITTER ON THE TEE A MAN had just played a game of golf at a strange course and rushed off to have a quick shower before going off to an important business appointment. He took his flannel into the shower and, after washing himself, was just about to step out to find a towel when, to his horror, he heard the sound of ladies' voices. He peeped through the shower curtain and saw two elderly ladies and a smashing young blonde. He realised he had gone into the ladies' shower room by mistake. But he had to get out of the shower as he

had this important meeting to go to. So he thought that the only thing to do was to cover his face with the flannel and make a dash for it. He emerged stealthily from the shower and ran quickly past the three ladies, his face hidden by his flannel. “I wonder who that was?” Said one of the elderly ladies. “Well, it wasn't my husband,” said the other. “And it certainly wasn't mine,” said the first lady. “And I can assure you,’ “said the blonde, "That it wasn't any member of this club, either”

Cafe Golf -a sale to savour IF you are looking for anything to do with golf, then you can’t afford to miss Cafe Golf’s Golf Sale on Monday (March 26)! From 5pm to 8pm, you’ll be able to pick up a huge range of items, from big names to not so well known

ones, all at bargain prices you won’t believe. Treat yourself or perhaps your son to a nearly-new set of clubs. Or invest in some reduced-priced Pro v 1 golf balls. Or how about some discounted hats, shirts and tees?

There will also be some good society prizes, all available at competitive prices. Remember the date... Monday March 26, from 5pm to 8pm. Be there or you might regret it. (See advert on left for address).

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK... THE reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

Friday, March 23, 2012

SAM ENCHANTED EVENING Nasri the magnificent keeps City on title trail

SAMIR Nasri, not Carlos Tevez, Mario Balotelli or Robin van Persie, was the player behind Manchester City's strong answer to those doubting their Premier League title credentials. The little Frenchman scored one, hit the bar and was generally outstanding as City came from behind to see off Chelsea at the Etihad Stadium and pile the pressure right back on leaders Manchester United. Tevez came on as a second half substitute for midfielder Nigel de Jong and played the clever pass that set up Nasri for City's winner. He didn't do an awful lot else but he will if he keeps his head down and gets on with his job. There was much said about City manager

Samir Nasri... crucial winner against Chelsea

Roberto Mancini's decision to take off his prodigal son Balotelli in the 46th minute. Many saw it as an indication that Balotelli was in the bad books again and one Match of the Day pundit suggested the volatile Italian striker would not start

another game for City this season. Hard words. Chelsea took the lead and silenced the Etihad with another goal from centre back Gary Cahill - who needs John Terry?! They didn't perform badly but lacked a bit of punch upfront as Fernando Torres, preferred to Didier Drogba, continued to run from deep with the ball rather than play as an out and out striker which is how he made his name. Mancini continued to appear calm under pressure and afterwards answered the media questions in his usual quiet, nonchalant manner. I like him and wish I could add many of his communicative attributes to my own, namely his calm nature. They do say it's a manager not the players, no matter how many or how gifted they are, that wins things. Here in Mancini we may have a perfect example of just that. Elsewhere, Liverpool's capitulation at QPR was something to behold. One nil up with something like 15 minutes remaining, they conceded three to a team deep in relegation trouble and were left looking like real muppets. More power to those who think Kenny Dalglish is NOT the long-term solution to management at Anfield. Tottenham continue to

wobble with a 1-1 draw at home to Stoke that could have been much worse. And don't blame it on the aftermath of their traumatic afternoon last Saturday as a footballer with a heart condition dominated things on and off the football field. Their north London rivals Arsenal continue to do exceedingly well and if they had mounted their season revival a little earlier, they might even have been challenging City and United for that Premier crown, too. A 1-0 win at Everton secured in the eighth minute and held on to was mightily impressive and left David Moyes spitting blood as he continues to bang his head against a brick wall at Goodison. That sort of performance by his side will not help his standing as a likely successor to the great Sir Alex Ferguson at United and other places north, south, east and west. Blackburn Rovers look almost safe after a 2-0 home win against Sunderland - and while they are not quite out of the woods yet the result did reduce the number of teams in the mathematical relegation fight to four instead of five. It's still anybody's guess who will go down, but it won't be City or United. I take them both to win against Stoke and Fulham in the next round of fixtures. The big one is at Stamford Bridge where Chelsea entertain Tottenham. The clever money will be on Chelsea to take Spurs to the cleaners Carlos Tevez...the right now but I will, Manchester City for once, wait and outcast is back see and simply say: Come on you Red Devils!

Muamba ‘zapped’ 15 times FIGO STUNG

FRANTIC medics ‘zapped’ Fabrice Muamba's heart 15 times before it started beating normally again — 78 minutes after it stopped, it was revealed Wednesday. Doctors worked tirelessly on the stricken Bolton star on the pitch, in an ambulance and at hospital. "Without his heart beating and without him breathing, in effect he was dead in that time," said Bolton's club doctor

Jonathan Tobin. Muamba, 23, suffered a cardiac arrest during last Saturday's FA Cup clash at Spurs, but has since had a "miraculous" recovery. Dr Tobin, a pal of the player, said medics used a defibrillator to try to get Muamba's heart going — twice on the pitch, once in the players' tunnel and 12 times in the ambulance. Forty-eight minutes went by between collapse and arrival at the London Chest Clinic — and 30 more before doctors got his heart beating normally again. Muamba has since amazed experts with his recovery, although he remains in a serious condition in intensive care. Dr Tobin had raced on to the pitch to try to revive him. He said: "My focus was entirely on Fabrice. It wasn't until 35,000 voices united to start singing Fabrice Muamba's name that anything from the outside environment penetrated that focus." Dr Andrew Deaner, the cardiologist and Spurs fan who left the White Hart Lane crowd in North London to help Muamba, yesterday told how he chatted to him at the hospital. He said the recovery could be described as "miraculous". Hospital consultant cardiologist Dr Sam Mohiddin added: "Fabrice has not only exceeded our expectations but also our hopes. He's talking to us."

FOR €2.4m

FORMER World Player of Year Luis Figo has been ordered to pay around 2.4 million euros in income tax to the Spanish government from his time as a Barcelona player, the country's supreme court ruled on Wednesday. The former Portugal international had appealed against a 2008 demand from the Spanish tax authorities which claimed monies due from 1997 to 1999 relating to his image rights when he was a player at the Nou Camp. The midfielder played for Barcelona between 1995 and 2000, winning two league titles and the European Cup Winners' Cup, before making a record-breaking and highly controversial move to their bitter rivals Real Madrid. As Real's first big-money 'Galactico' signing he helped them win two league titles and the 2002 Champions League.

Friday, March 23, 2012

WHITE HEAT

Hodgson, Pardew, Allardyce…if Harry opts out, who’s next for England?

STEVE BOTT reports

HARRY Redknapp is distancing himself from the England job and declaring his love and loyalty for Spurs. And that is a bad sign for England and their chances in the upcoming European Championship finals. Lack of guidance has been one of England's biggest problems and they get precious little from the men at the top, who dither and dally over every decision and appointment, only to invariably make the wrong one at the end of

it all. So if Harry stays with Spurs for whatever reasons and it will probably be because Daniel Levy is demanding a king's ransom for his release - then who should the FA go for instead? My No.1 choice would be Roy Hodgson. While not having won much in the way of trophies, the much-

travelled West Brom boss has a proven track record at both club and international level at home and abroad. He’s actually managed SIXTEEN clubs in eight countries, including Fulham, Liverpool, Inter Milan, Malmo and the Swiss national team. Hodgson might be old school but in my book that makes him a lot more honest and trustworthy than the current breed of untried and untested moneygrubbing merchants inhabiting all walks of life, not just football. Hodgson would give England that much needed stability and his tried and trusted methods might take us a little nearer to the best manager we have had in the job since Sir Alf Ramsey, namely Bobby Robson. Should Hodgson not be the one, then by all means try a couple of the newer breed - and the one who stands out at the moment is Alan Pardew at Newcastle United. The 50-year-old former West Ham boss has turned a middling-going-nowhere club into a powerful force nudging the big boys and possessing not a little skill in almost every department on the

pitch. We are struggling a bit after those two. Sam Allardyce has not done enough, apart from at one club - Bolton. Let him take West Ham back into the Premier League and then do it somewhere else too and I might put him back in the pecking order. I would prefer to see an Englishman at the helm so that narrows it down a lot. The only other name that springs to mind is Neil Warnock and I can hear the laughter rocking round the football world at that one. I know Neil personally and while I have a sneaking admiration for a man a little after my own heart, I don't think the powers that be would find him their cup of tea exactly for more than let's say.....two seconds! Before I conclude, may I take this opportunity to wish Fabrice Muamba a speedy recovery. Having said that, all the hype and false outpouring of grief for a grossly overpaid footballer who happens to have a heart condition has in my view been way over the top. But he is a fellow human being and I wish him well.