The Courier week 59 by TKO UK

Edition 59

www.thecourier.es

Friday, April 6, 2012

MADNESS

From a heatwave to blizzards and now into Easter travel chaos. What on earth is happening to drought-hit Britain? BRITS looking to escape for an Easter break are facing travel chaos on the roads, in the air, and on the railways this weekend. Days after the UK media was bleating about record temperatures, ARCTIC BLIZZARDS hit the north on Tuesday, leaving many motorists stranded in snow. Amazingly, the deluge came just as seven water companies in the South of England were imposing a hosepipe ban to lessen the effects of a DROUGHT. The companies concerned say their action comes after two unusually dry winters left reservoirs, aquifers and rivers below normal levels. Which begs the question: If Spain’s water supply keeps flowing on a tiny fraction of the UK’s rainfall, why hasn’t this country dried up completely? The chaos in Britain was accompanied by severe weather warnings for parts of Scotland, Wales, northern England and the Midlands, after temperatures dropped as much as 20C since last week's heatwave. The worst hit areas appear to be around the Pennines,

North Yorkshire and Cumbria, with EIGHT INCHES of snow falling in Durham early on Wednesday. Angela Hodson, who runs the Marfit Head Farm campsite, told the Daily Mail: “There are people camping and it's three-feet deep. “We were in our T-shirts and shorts last week having a barbecue, now look at this. They just want to get out and

go home.’’ Meanwhile, airlines issued a warning to the Home Secretary that Easter getaway travellers could face 'gridlock' at airports due to immigration staff shortages. A total of 11 operators, including British Airways and Virgin, told Theresa May that passengers faced lengthy queues as the UK Border Agency does not have the

resources to carry out the stringent passport checks. Travel organisation ABTA said that around 1.5 million people would be heading off abroad for Easter. More than 370,000 passengers are expected to leave Heathrow Airport between today (Good Friday) and Easter Monday, and 200,000 will go through Gatwick. On top of this, a French air traffic controllers’ strike is

also causing major disruption. The protest against plans to cut jobs at France's regional hubs has seen hundreds of flights cancelled, with British Airways, Easyjet and Ryanair axing more than 200 flights between them. Even those staying in Britain could face problems on the rail network, with engineering works over Easter disrupting the West Coast mainline.

IN YOUR COURIER TODAY... REGULAR Courier readers will know how difficult it can be to get a copy of this newspaper. If you ever have to endure such a nightmare, don’t worry - you can read every word BEFORE it hits the streets on a Friday. You’ll find the latest issue online at www.thecourier.es from 10pm every Thursday. And there’s always loads to enjoy. Take today, for instance... l P4:Tony Mayes - King of the Ranters l P7: Donna Gee Grumpy Old Gran l P10: Smile with Silver l P11: Say It In Spanish l P14: The Jeanette Erath Column l P15: Alex Trelinski on Politics l P16: Your Letters l P18-19: Food Focus l P26-27: The UK Press l P28-29: Local Look-in l P30-31: Motoring l Page 32-33: Puzzles l P34: Spanish press l P35: Treli on Telly l P36: Horoscope l P36-42: TV Focus l 46-48: Sport

AND AS FOR OUR ADS... AS a new business here on the Costa Blanca we love using The Courier for advertising - we get a great response!

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- SMART RECYCLING

Friday, April 6, 2012

Spiderman’s new film is a real cliffhanger

TELEPHONE

96 692 1003 679 096 309 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Donna Gee Amanda Black Sally Bengtsson Rebecca Marks Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Steve Bott Tony Mayes Jake Monroe

Picture of the Week

96 692 1003

THE EASTER PARADES IF YOU want to catch a procession this Holy weekend, there are many throughout the Costa Blanca region. Here are some of the most important ones, but you can also see them in San Pedro del Pinatar, Guardamar, Rojales, Catral, Orihuela and Santa Pola.

TORREVIEJA

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GOOD FRIDAY - 19:30: Holy Procession with the Brotherhoods. Route: Templo Arciprestal de la Inmaculada Concepción, Caballero de Rodas, Patricio Pérez, Ramón Gallud, Del Mar, Caballero de Rodas to the Templo Arciprestal de la Inmaculada Concepción. SATURDAY: In anticipation of the resurrection of Jesus, in a general expression of joy you can join the drum concert. Just bring your own drum!! Route: Start at the Plaza de la Madera. San Pascual, Joaquón Chapaprieta, Plaza Isabel II, Canónigo Torres, Clemente Gosalvez, San Pascual, Plaza de la Madera (2 vueltas), San Pascual, Hnos. Bazán, Plaza de la Constitución. EASTER SUNDAY: 08:00 Procession with the Brotherhood San Juan Evangelista accompanied by

Where and when to see it all the music band Unión Musical Torrevejense. Route: Templo Arciprestal de la Inmaculada Concepción, Caballero de Rodas, Azorín, Fotógrafos Darblade, to the intersection with Calle Concepción, for the Encuentro, Calles Concepción, Ramón Gallud, Bazán y Caballero de Rodas to the Templo Arciprestal 08:00: Hallelujah Procession with the Brotherhood Santísimo Sacramento Bajo Palio. Route: Templo Arciprestal de la Inamculada Concepción, Caballero de Rodas, Clemente Gosálvez, Fotógrafos Darblade to the intersection with Calle Concepción for the Encuentro, Calle Concepción, Ramón Gallud, Bazán y Caballero de Rodas to the Templo Arciprestal. Both processions will meet at the crossroads of Calle Concepción and Fotógrafos Darblade, where the 'Encuentro' or encounter will take place. During this event petals will fall from the balconies of the surrounding buildings and the traditional Hallelujahs will be sung.

GUARDAMAR GOOD FRIDAY - 8am: Procession of Sorrow with the Brotherhoods ‘Nuestro Padre Jesús Nazareno’, San Juan Evangelista and ‘Stma. Virgen de los Dolores’. Route: ‘Nazareno’ Brotherhood: Departs from the Church along Plaça d’Abastos, Sant Emigdi, Gratitud towards Plaça del Rosari, where the ‘Lord’s meeting with Veronica’ is reenacted. Route: ‘San Juan Evangelista’ and ‘La Dolorosa’: Depart from the Church along Plaça d’Abastos, Sant Jaume y Rosari, where they meet up with the other procession. All processions return from Rosari, Sant Jaume, Plaça d’Abastos, Eng. Mira and back to the Church. As the procession enters the Church, communal prayers will be said in front of the statue (about 11 a.m.) 5pm: The Crucifixion and Death of Our Lord is announced. Acompaniment by the Parish Choir, Juan Pablo II. 9pm:. Solemn Procession for the Holy Burial of Christ, with the Roman Centurians and Brotherhoods, all accom-

Friday Partly cloudy High 17° Low 8° Chance of rain 25% Monday Sunny High 21° Low 10° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Showers High 22° Low 11° Chance of rain 60%

panied by their respective brass and percussion bands with additional music from Guardamar’s Music Society. Route: From the Church along Eng Mira, Plaça d’Abastos, Sant Emigdi, València, Major, Plaça de la Constitució, Avda. País Valencià, Migdia, Vicente Ramos and back to the church. SATURDAY: 10pm:. The Fire and Pascal Candle are blessed. Solemn Mass is said to announce the Resurrection of Our Lord. EASTER SUNDAY: 9am: Holy Mass; 10am: Meeting with the Blessed Virgin Mary’ and the Resurrection procession with the Brotherhoods San Juan Evangelista, La Dolorosa and La Soledad, which all accompany the image of the Immaculate Conception, in mourning, alongside other brotherhoods who escort the Holy Sacrament and the Angel of the Resurrection.. Route: Departs from the Church along Eng. Mira (‘meeting’ re-enactment), Vicente Ramos, Sant Francesc, Sant Pere, Plaça d’Abastos, San Emigdi,

Saturday Partly cloudy High 19° Low 9° Chance of rain 1% Wednesday Cloudy High 21° Low 10° Chance of rain 2%

València, Larramendi, Sant Jaume, Plaça d’Abastos, Enginyer Mira and back to the Church.

PILAR DEL LA HORADADA GOOD FRIDAY - 22:00: Procession of the Entombment. Route: Avda. San Pedro, C/ Triana, C/ Escultor Manuel Ribera Girona, C/ Ramón y Cajal, C/ Mayor y Plaza de la Iglesia EASTER SUNDAY - 09:00: Procession of the Resurrection. Route: C/ Mayor frente a la Plaza de la Iglesia y C/ del Mar 12 noon: Holy Mass.

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Sunday Sunny High 21° Lo 11° Chance of rain 0% Thursday Sunny High 21° Lo 12° Chance of rain 2%

Friday, April 6, 2012

Eve’s 70th birthday goes to the dogs! EVE WARING, manageress of animal charity SAT’s La Marina shop, raised 248 euros for the cause at her 70th birthday party – by asking guests to buy raffle tickets rather than bring presents. Family members flew in from the UK to enjoy a splendid buffet with 60 friends at the Hillside, La Marina – followed by entertainment from singer Woody.

The charity shop’s volunteer force helped to make the occasion special for Eve by presenting the committed animal welfare supporter with a big bouquet of flowers. SAT’s kennels in Dolores have approximately 70 dogs awaiting loving new owners. Eve and Tom Waring are pictured with Jan and Sue from the shop, who presented the bouquet.

THE COURIER....FIRST WITH THE BIG NEWS

YOUR SPACE, SAN JAVIER

By Editor DONNA GEE WE TOLD YOU SO....The Courier’s front-page report on March 16 hinted that there would be further delays to the opening of Corvera Airport, a rumour that was confirmed THE President of the Murcia Government has officially confirmed what Courier readers knew by the Murcia Government president this week

three weeks ago - that the new airport at Corvera will NOT open this year.

SHE TOLD US NO....Caitriona Beggan’s email rapping our knuckles for misreporting rumours. There was no space for us to respond in last week’s Courier, but Murcia’s President Ramón Luis Valcárcel’s announcement confirmed that the main thrust of the article was accurate. Meanwhile, Ms Beggan, clearly in an awkward position, told us: “ I don´t feel that it would be beneficial to do an interview now to say that the airport is completed and that we are working hard at getting all the approxx licences and authorisations, but that we still don´t priate know when we will be in a position to open’’.

In fact, it will not be taking over from San Javier until the summer of 2013 AT THE EARLIEST. Announcing the new delay, President Ramón Luis Valcárcel said 1,000 technical jobs still had to be carried out with still-to-be-approved equipment. He said he did not want an airport with no planes, as has been seen in Castellón. And he put the new hold-up down to things like the sacking of Luis del Rivero, boss of constructors Sacyr, which apparently slowed down the paperwork in Madrid. Valcárcel’s announcement came days after Murcia International Airport’s Business Development manager Caitriona Beggan made a written complaint about The Courier’s perceived rumour-mongering. She wrote in an email to the Editor: “I would appreciate if from now on you could contact me to corroborate rumours before you publish them in your newspaper and on your website, misinforming the expatriate community. “I refer specifically to the paragraph, ‘But as the airport continues to wait for permits and licences, there are rumours

Official: No flights from Corvera until summer of 2013 of other problems – including cracks in the building due to land movement and disagreements with airlines’. “There have been no incidents of this type and I would be interested to know the source of this ‘misinformation’ and which ‘officials’ at the airport you are referring to in your article. “Publication of such unsubstantiated information can only be described as irresponsible journalism’’. Perhaps Ms Beggan was trying to deflect us from the REAL story - the new delay - which we got spot on. Rumours of cracks in the building and disagreements are just that - not necessarily facts. And rumours is what we called them. Whether they be fact or fiction, Ms Beggan’s refuting of these rumours won’t make them go away. The whispers will persist until passenger flights actually begin to take-off from Corvera - after which new rumours will no doubt replace them. Dealing with such frustrations is difficult - but then, I’ve always been blessed with a good sense of rumour.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Greedy UK motorists add fire to the fuel WE all saw Britain at its very worst last week after Unite fuel tanker drivers voted in favour of strike action. The government did its level best to try to warn the public not to get caught out with empty fuel tanks but to top up when they had the opportunity. Sadly, it developed into a situation where the government could not win. If they had issued no warning and a strike went ahead, then that would have been wrong in the public's eyes. Sadly, cabinet minister Francis Maude went over the top by suggesting people should also fill up jerry cans if they had the chance. Years ago I always had two full cans in my garage in case of emergencies and they came in very useful on a couple of occasions. But what did the great British public do? Despite being told the tanker drivers would have to give seven days' notice of industrial action, millions of motorists screeched to the pumps and quickly ran them dry, creating their own crisis. The government, obviously wanting to reduce the unions' ability to create appalling damage to the British economy, wanted the public to have as much warning as possible, giving them time to fill up their fuel tanks. But they miscalculated just how greedy the British have become. The slightest hint of anything being disrupted, they flock to the shops to stock up. Heaven help Britain if ever the country has a real shortage of basic foods, for example. People would quickly become animals in order to look after themselves.. And motorists have shown the government and the fuel industry just how much they are prepared to pay to keep their beloved cars on the road. Because once the cheaper grades of fuel ran dry, they turned to the premium grades and ran those dry, too, despite it costing 10p per litre more.So it's no use motorists bleating about the price of fuel when they have demonstrated so clearly they are prepared to pay almost any amount to avoid walking, cycling or using the local bus. For the record, Francis Maude should have said fuel can, not jerry can. He is of an age to remember jerry cans - which hold about 20 litres and are considered dangerous under Health and Safety rules. Not surprisingly, Labour and the unions have been delighted at the way the government has struggled over this entire fiasco. What’s far more important than politics is the damage such industrial action could do to a struggling Britain. People and unions should use the experience of what has happened as a wake-up call. There should not be any place in a civilised society for strikes and holding the public to ransom - but then is Britain a civilised society any more? What an amazing victory for Respect party member

the past two winters. Global warming? Well, yes, but it happened about 800 years ago without man's influence, and was followed by a mini ice age. In the 17th century. So, next time someone bangs on about the dangers of global warming, take it with a pinch of salt – or, better still, a cube of ice.

THE SILLY ISLES

George Galloway in the Bradford West by-election last week, smashing Labour's stranglehold on the seat and winning with a 10,000 vote majority. He courted the Muslim vote in the city, which represents more than a third of the population. Is this the warning sign that the British public are sick and tired of the politics of the two main parties and are seeking a real change? Time will tell, but my guess there will be some UK politicians with increasing concerns for their future.

ICING ON THE CAPE QUESTION: Do you think there is more sea ice around the North Pole today compared with this time five years ago? The answer, surprisingly, is YES, by around one million square kilometres - an amazing amount. For several years we have been told that ice around the North Pole has been melting, especially in summer, and that is true. But something peculiar has been happening this winter, and if you don't believe me just go to http://nsidc.org/arcticseaicenews/ Here you will see a graph of sea ice, and on March 31 there was around 15 million square kilometres of sea ice. This compares with around 14 million in the winter of 2006/7. There's been such a build-up of ice this winter that the Arctic is back to the long-term average. So, has our amazing planet the ability to heal itself from the damage mankind is inflicting on it? To some extent it seems it can. Scientists believe the warming of the Arctic and loss of sea ice in summer affects the flow of air which normally blows from the west. But if that flow is weakened, it allows easterly winds from a cold continent to affect western Europe in winter and restrict warming winds blowing towards the pole. That's why Britain had two extremely cold spells during

And now for the latest British silliness. Chancellor George Osborne is to slap VAT on hot snacks like pies, sausage rolls and pasties. The VAT man has ruled that if a food is warmed to a higher temperature than the ambient temperature of the air, it qualifies for VAT. It means that in the winter, when temperatures are low and the food is warmed, it will attract VAT. But in summer, when it’s warm and sunny, the food may not be as warm as the air, and VAT does not apply. So staff in shops will have to look at the thermometer to check whether to impose VAT or not. It could only happen in soppy Britain. Silliness number two comes in the shape of a wooden beehive. A local council commissioned a sculptor to carve the beehive, paying £3,500 for it so it could be placed near a children's playground in the local park. But when a council boss saw it, he decided it looked too phallic and had it removed, much to the annoyance of the local community. Yet another example of councils squandering our money.

DRIVING HOME THE MESSAGE AND finally, I make no apology for turning to the thorny problem of driving around Spanish roundabouts. During the past fortnight I have seen two near misses at roundabouts, caused by people trying to exit in front of another motorist trying to go further around, without indicating. The problem is that we have conflicting driving instructions, depending whether we have learned to drive in Spain, in Britain, or elsewhere in Europe. We see so many cars with damage down their flanks, and it's obvious how many of these have been caused. All motorists are trying to negotiate the roads, having learned different rules, and it’s about time the EC got to grips with this and established a Europe-wide driving code. Road accidents cause misery, whether anyone is injured or not, and many accidents at roundabouts could be avoided if everyone used them in the same way. It will take years for politicians to get their brain cells activated to do something constructive, but in the meantime, could we spread a simple word around to all drivers. It's this...if we all indicate our intentions, both when going around a roundabout as well as when exiting, and look before we act, most accidents could be avoided. It really is as simple as that.

Costa Concordia set for £187m refloat THE Costa Concordia is to be righted and then refloated in what is being described as the biggest operation of its kind. The operation, which is set to begin in May, will see teams of engineers working around the clock, seven days a week, for a year. The stricken ship is currently lying at an angle of 80 degrees on rocks off the island of Giglio, after it ran aground on January 13, killing at least 30 people.

Locals are eager for the vessel to be moved as quickly as possible to ensure there is no lasting damage to the environment, which is home to whales, porpoises and dolphins. Some 2,380 tonnes of heavy-duty diesel has already been pumped out of the fuel tanks. According to reports, the plan to refloat the ship, which weighs around 114,000 tonnes, involves sealing up the holes in the structure of the hull, as well

as the 50 metre gash, and sealing off areas into airtight sections. Huge cranes and pontoons will then be brought in and air pumped into the sections to give it buoyancy, before it is straightened and towed to a dock, which is likely to be its home port Genoa. The plan is anticipated to cost around £187 million – half of what the ship is worth. Insurers will then decide whether the vessel should be scrapped or re-fit-

ted and entered back into service. What do you think? Should Costa Concordia be put back into service? Would people want to cruise on it if it was? Comment below and let us know your thoughts. http://www.pro-business-support.com Tel: (0034) 966 923 963. Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Professi onal-Business-Support-JJ-TrustSL/275222372490273

Friday, April 6, 2012

STRUM YOU WIN

Strumming their stuff....Frank (left) and Phil at Ricardo’s

Pluck of the Irish pays off as Frank’s first-ever guitar gig hits right note YOU could say that Frank Fitzgerald has had the luck of the Irish. Equally, you could say the Dublin-born singer/guitarist was unlucky not to have been discovered 30 years ago. The fact is that his new double act with Yorkshireman Phil Fraser landed a Friday residency at Ricardo’s in El Raso after Frank’s first-ever public gig….at the age of 57 And their growing band of followers cannot believe that two complete strangers could strike up such an ultra-comfortable musical partnership so quickly. Frank, who lives at El Raso with his wife and two daughters, says: “I had met Phil a few months ago in the English Folk Club at the Rocajuna bar. Since then, a number of us have been meeting at the Papillon bar in Torrevieja, swapping songs and jamming. Our sessions cover a wide variety of songs, ranging from 'The Lakes of Pontchartrain' to 'Pancho and Lefty' and 'Autumn Leaves'. “I found myself playing in Ricardo's restaurant because Graham Lilley, the proprietor, heard me playing/singing some songs at a friend’s house. He asked me if I would consider playing on the following Friday evening. “I had never played a 'gig' before and immediately thought of asking Phil to join me.’’ Graham says: “As Ricardo’s is situated near private homes, their music is ideal – it’s relaxing, easy to listen to and very good.

I asked Frank to sing at Ricardo’s after hearing him strumming his guitar at home. I couldn’t believe he’d never sung in public before.’’ Phil, from Otley, is a very experienced musician who plays guitar, banjo and harmonica and sung both and in various folk and Irish bands. “He knows an immense number of obscure traditional folk songs ,’’ says Frank, “but we limit him to one of these songs per session’’. Frank adds: “That first gig at Ricardo’s was even more enjoyable than we had dared hoped for. The audience were very generous in their response to us and our brand of music. “Our set list is predominantly singer/songwriter orientated and favours a 'listeners' venue, but we have tweaked it to include Beatles and Buddy Holly medleys and some 'singalongs'.’’ The only thing missing now is a name… and there are a couple of free drinks at Ricardo’s waiting for the person who comes up with the best one. Frank and Phil would also like to hear from anyone who feels their brand of music might suit their venue and patrons. Please email your thoughts to phillfraser@gmail.com l The jam sessions at the Papillon are held on Fridays from 12 noon until 2 or 3 pm and aspiring musisians are welcome to join in - regardless of proficiency. The Papillon is in Torreta 2 near the IVA. - DONNA GEE

Beach-boy Pedro puts safety first PEDRO MANCEBO, Orihuela Costa’s Councillor for Tourism and Beaches, has put safety first this Easter - by extending lifeguard patrols until April 9. He explained: “Our residents and visitors must

have the reassurance for themselves and their families that they will be safe on our beaches - hence the extended services of the lifeguards are of paramount importance.’’ Beaches will be manned

by lifeguards until Easter Monday (10am to 6pm): Punta Prima, Cala Mosca, La Estaca, Cala Cerrada, Cala Bosque, Cala Capitán, La Caleta, Agua Marina, La Glea, Barranco Rubio y Mil Palmeras.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Greyham and Pussy Galore - a furry tale AT the last count, I shared the animal farm I live in with three resident cats and four regular visitors. Well, two-and-a-half residents to be exact because Geoffrey (Geoffrey Boycat that is) tends to go missing for days at a time. No, he’s not out on the tiles with a feline lady friend manufacturing kittens he just doesn’t like Henry, my other neutered tom - who he invariably greets with a whopping great hiss, only to be

told in no uncertain terms to hiss off himself. But less of Big G - this past couple of months a big grey Tom with a very loud miaow has been having a ball with three feral kittens that have been running around our street since last summer. Now, there’s no great enthusiasm for cats among the neighbours, and here we had a situation where - if left unchecked dozens of feral cats could be running around in no time. Particularly if Graham

(spelt Greyham - geddit?) retained his ungelded status. I suspect he had already been responsible for impregnating one of the feral kittens, which I had managed to trap and then be told by the vet that he had to take away a litter of kittens. The initial problem with catching Greyham was that, apart from his aggressive wailing, the sheer volume of his cries frightened me to death. But once I

realised he was actually a very gentle, friendly cat, I coaxed him into a large catbox and whipped him down to the vet...who whipped off the dangly bits. Three hours after the op, Greyham was home, staggering around with eyes glazed over as if he had just downed 12 pints of Guinness. That was four days ago, since when he has spent most of the time sleeping off the black stuff. Or should that be Grey stuff?

LEARN A LANGUAGE? KIDS’ STUFF!

THE Empire has long gone, so how come so many in the UK remain convinced that British ideas are the best? And that anything Johnny Foreigner thinks up can’t be any good?

The reality is that we can learn so much from the lead of other European nations. A simple and obvious one here in Spain is the central filter lane that allows traffic to turn left onto busy highways without blocking traffic on the main road. But since the UK authorities didn’t think up the idea themselves, assets such as filter lanes are a rarity in Britain’ gridlocked highway system. Which is why you often see traffic clogged up by a lone vehicle trying vainly to get onto the opposite side of a main carriageway. But nowhere has our rejection of superior European logic been better demonstrated than in the pathetic attitude of British educationalists towards teaching children foreign languages. The penny is finally beginning to drop, half a century after the rest of Europe showed us the way - and we chose to think we knew better. The cheek of it - Europe’s worst linguists telling the polyglots (that’s people who speak several languages) that they’ve got it all wrong! While primary school kids in Holland, Scandinavia, Germany and France were being taught English from virtually the moment they started school, know-all British educationalists were fearful of causing confusion. Secondary school, they reasoned, was the time to begin – at a point when children have in fact passed the age when their The language class I used to attend at Berlingua - teacher Jose Perez is third from left. The seven sponge-like brains are able to become truly fluent in foreign people in the picture represented six nationalities but we had a common language...Spanish languages. if children are introduced to a second language by the age of own schooldays half a century ago. I was taught French and In reality, young children do not become confused if introsix or seven, they can achieve native-like proficiency. In other Latin – but only in grammar school from the age of 11. And duced to an alien tongue. Indeed, they not only have the words, young children’s innate mimicry skills enables expat that, according to the linguistics experts, is much too late for most amazing ability to absorb the complexities of language, British five and six-year-olds to pick up Spanish to a level most children to achieve real fluency. but can learn a foreign one in a matter of months. Instead, those of us who choose to leave our native counAnd so brilliant is their ability to mimic that even native undistinguishable from the natives. Many expat parents will vouch for that. A while back, a try as mature adults face years of studying and frustration in speakers have no idea that they are in fact foreigners. I was staggered when my then six-year-old granddaughter beautician friend of mine moved to Orihuela Costa from order to master the local tongue to an acceptable level. More often than not, expat Brits end up being accused of suddenly started counting in Spanish – with a Mexican Lancashire when her kids were aged five and four. Both youngsters achieved fluency in Spanish within 12 to laziness because they have neither the time nor inclination to accent. At the time she’d never even been to Spain, let alone Mexico. She’d merely been watching Dora the Explorer on 18 months, without in any way compromising their English- spend hundreds of hours trying to soak up masses of alien language skills. My friend’s experience emphasises the folly gibberish when most of the natives speak English anyway. TV, and was mimicking what she heard. To me, it was merely evidence of what I and many others of the traditional UK system which for generations kept forStill, I can assure the small minority who do pursue the have known for many years – that the BEST time to start eign languages off most school timetables until secondary dream of speaking Spanish properly that the rewards are teaching children another language is when they are tod- school. immense. Among the pupils in the three-hours-a-week class For all the talk of educational advancement, until the last I used to attend at the Berlingua School of Languages in dlers. Or at least by the time they begin junior school. Research by international linguistic experts has found that few years, little seemed to have changed in Britain since my Quesada were five different nationalities – and that didn’t include the lone Spaniard, our teacher Jose Monllor Perez. The class included two young women, a Russian and a Hungarian, who didn’t speak English. Yet the mere fact we could chat together when we didn’t speak each other’s language was something truly special. But I’d happily have done without that special experience if only Spanish – or indeed any other foreign language - had been on the junior school curriculum in my hometown of Cardiff way back in the 1960s.

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Friday, April 6, 2012

Our Wally and the lost picture show AS a grandfather to several, I find it difficult sometimes to keep the youngsters entertained. But there is one shared activity I simply cannot get enough of. Going to the cinema has been a lifelong pleasure. Seated in the stalls with a grandkid or three alongside me, waiting with pent-up excitement for the lights to dim . . . well, as someone once said, the joy is also in the anticipation. 'Blimey, Dave,' interrupted Mrs S. 'I've never seen such delight on your face. Well, not since you thought you'd come down with Hula Hoop Intestine and raced off to impress the doctor.' 'Movies have always been magical for me,' I sighed. 'Come on, Mrs S, get yourself a choc ice out of the fridge, grab a seat and I'll regale you with some of my cinema memories . . .' The Magnificent Seven rescued me from boredom and lack of stimulation long before Yul Brynner and Co saddled up to save those Mexican villagers. My Magnificent Seven were the seven cinemas within easy walking distance of my childhood home. Real life, you could keep it. My world was up there on the big screen. All I needed were a pair of stout shoes and ninepence in old money to transport me to heavenly places. Okay, the picture palaces were not exactly palaces. Indeed, some were just this side of condemned. But for me, happiness was a lumpy stalls seat with the lights turned low and a projectionist who knew how to avert mob displeasure by getting his reel changes right. And then there were all my idols of the silver screen on my very doorstep -- James Stewart, Marilyn Monroe, Spencer Tracy, Wally Wilkinson. Wally who? Well, Wally Wilkinson was a star in my eyes. He was the guy who managed one of my local picture houses. He ran the place like a family business, which to all intents it

was. Wally's dutiful daughter, Winifred, guided late patrons to their seats with her trusty torch. Her burly brother, Wayne, patrolled the aisles, weeding out the noisy Neanderthals, whose misguided contribution to the ambience was to stamp on the threadbare carpet with what sounded like, and most likely were, heavy-duty hobnail boots. Then there was Wally's weighty wife, Wanda. Having squeezed herself into the pay-box to collect the punters' price of admission, she had to squeeze herself out again in order to harness the cumbersome refreshments tray to her ample bosom. Wanda would spend the rest of the performance flogging vanilla tubs and orange-flavoured lollies while tottering backwards down the aisles. What a woman! And Wally himself? He stood tall in the foyer, surveying his kingdom and nodding regally to the customers as they lined up with their tickets, waiting to gain admittance to the inner sanctum. The whole thing went like clockwork . . . I wish. While the majority, if not all, of the cinema's patrons lived within walking distance, the Wilkinson family did not. They happened to reside on the other side of town and, what's more, trusted in public transport to get to and from their place of employment. Consequently, the main feature had to be over by 10.25 at the latest or the Wilkinsons missed their last bus home. And if the movie hadn't ended by then? Tough. Just imagine the scene, usually the film's climactic one. Jane Wyman has lost her man in the war and is about to pass away from pneumonia with the added complication of a broken heart. She is sprawled across the cathedral steps in the pouring rain.

But then her deceased soldier boyfriend, Van Johnson, appears at poor Jane's side. An illusion? An hallucination? Hankies at the ready, folks, this is bound to be sad. Suddenly, the cinema curtain comes down, the lights go up, the throbbing violins on the soundtrack cut out and God Save the Queen on a scratchy 78rpm record cuts in. Wilkinsons in topcoats scramble to the exits and usher us out into the street. And God help you if you've left your own coats or shoes under the seats because the doors will be locked behind you. You'll just have to shiver in the night air and gingerly pick your way home in stockinged feet. But the amazing thing is that the ruling Wilkinson family junta is never questioned. Nobody complains. We're in this together. After all, we are Brits. With upper lips stiffened, we'll all turn up again the next night in the hope that the film will start on time. Or maybe we'll organise a whipround for a late taxi to take the Wilkinsons to wherever the hell they live. Philosophers say life is a continuous quest for knowledge. All I want to know before I shuffle off this mortal coil is, did Lloyd Bridges ever get back from Mars in the movie Rocketship XM and was Gary Cooper the real murderer in The Naked Edge? 'Wow!' said Mrs S. 'As always, your stories are of borderline interest. So when are you taking the grandkids to the pictures again?' 'Any afternoon will do,' I said. 'At least when it's daytime I have no worries about how the cinema staff are going to get home.' 'So whatever did become of your screen idol, Wally Wilkinson?' asked Mrs S. 'Oh, he lived happily to a ripe old age in an old folk's home,' I replied. 'I did go to visit him near the end. But I was too late.'

Friday, April 6, 2012

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH remember the various ways to say the verbs depending on LESSON 14 - REVISION THIS week we are going to do some revision of past weeks, who we are talking about. We will start with True or False. Just decide which applies just to keep you on your toes and show you how much you to each statement and circle the correct letter, T = True or F understand and how much you need to revise. It is never a good idea to try to learn too much too quickly = False. Answer as best as you can without looking, then which is why, as these lessons become more technical, we feel free to check what you have written from past lessons or wait until I reveal the answers next week. Please remember will be doing more and more revision. The secret to learning a language once you pass your learning Spanish is FUN, so sit back, relax, grab a pen and early 20s is repetition. The only way I can learn certain verb see just how far you have come, and where you may need forms or words is to repeat them over and over to myself. My to revise. son has been known to give me the occasional odd look but TRUE OR FALSE it is worth it because the words stick in my mind and that is El is the masculine form of the English word ´the´ T / F how I have managed to teach myself Spanish. Jueves is Thursday T/F Of course he is fluent in both Spanish and English, but at Today in Spanish is ´hoy´ T / F his age it is easy. Children are sponges soaking up knowlAll words are stressed on the last syllable except those edge. For us, though, it´s a bit more difficult. ending in N or S T/F That said, everyone can do it. Learning Spanish takes no Two years ago in Spanish is ´hace dos años´ T/F fancy qualifications or prior knowledge, just a willingness to Mañana mañana is tomorrow morning T/F put aside some time every day to read a few words or memThe word for Grey in Spanish is Gris T/F orise a few verb endings. It takes time but it can be done and Hopefully, those were quite straightforward for you. Now is well worth the time and effort. for some sentences in Spanish missing out one or more First, we will look at the answers from last week, then we words. The whole sentence is shown in English; just fill in the will get on with the revision: gaps in Spanish. Have fun! I asked you to write the following in Spanish using the corHola, ¿cómo ….........................? (Hello, how are you?) rect verb, SER or ESTAR. Son las seis …...........................(It is half past six). It is summer – ES verano, I am good – ESTOY bien, How Hasta …........................(See you later). are you? - ¿como ESTÁS?, George Clooney is an actor – Es …..................................(It is Spring). George Clooney ES un actor, The dogs are in the kitchen …..................................agua (I drink water). – Los perros ESTÁN en la cocina, The book is mine – El La semana…....................... (Next week). libro ES mio, What time is it? - ¿Qué hora ES?, Cardiff is in Son las…............................cuarto (It is quarter past Wales – Cardiff ESTÁ en Gales, This chicken is very seven). good Este pollo ESTÁ muy bien, The car is green – El La…............................................. (The green house). coche ES verde, Why are you here? - ¿por qué ESTÁS Ellos …...........................mis padres (They are my paraquí? What is this? (This = Esto) - ¿Qué ES esto?, Brazil ents). …............................ libros (Some books). is in South America – Brasil ESTÁ en Sudamérica. Nosotros…..............................We love. I hope you managed to get all those correct and are now ¿…................................ inglés? (Do you speak English?) familiar with the times we use SER and ESTAR and can ¿…...................................tú? (Where are you?)

I’M A REAL PERSON!

A BRITISH woman who officially didn’t exist after a Spanish hospital paperwork mix-up has finally got her birth certificate - at the age of 20. With no record of her birth, Jade Jacob-Brooks has been unable to travel, drive, vote, open a bank account or even pick up a parcel from the post office. But, after a four-and-ahalf-year legal battle, and worldwide media attention, she has at last been given a Spanish birth certificate. Jade was born at the

Jade gets her birth certificate at last

Vega Baja Hospital in Orihuela, while her parents were on holiday in Spain. They were given paperwork which they were told would allow them to register their daughter’s birth in the UK. But when they got home

they discovered it was not the correct paperwork. The family spent years trying to sort out the blunder in Spain and the UK, but both the British and Spanish authorities refused to recognise Jade’s existence. She and her family contacted MPs and even wrote to the Queen for help. But

€1.54 pump-up PETROL stations across Spain have an unwelcome Easter surprise for motorists as fuel reached record prices at the pumps on Wednesday. Unleaded is now at an all-time high of 1.54€ per litre. The cost of filling an average 50-litre tank is now 77€, nine euros more than last Easter (when petrol had reached a previous all-time high of 1.363€ per litre and it cost an average of 68.1€ to fill your tank). And this on the day when more car journeys were expected to be made than any other day in the year. At some petrol stations in Madrid, high octane unleaded (Super 98) can cost up to 1.681€ per litre and diesel fuel is is being sold at a maximum of 1.41€ per litre, 10 cents up on last year. In Barcelona, Super 95 is being sold at 1.58 per litre, while diesel is at maximum of 1.43€. The choice of petrol station can, however, greatly reduce fuel expenditure. In Madrid alone, the price for Super 95 ranges from 1.407€ per litre to 1.543€, making a seven-euro difference when filling a 50 litre tank. In the case of diesel, the difference in cost to fill up is 3.55€ between the cheapest petrol station in the capital and the most expensive.

I hope you got all those words and are saying the phrases out loud as you complete them. Sitting there talking to yourself may feel strange but, believe me, it really works. And the more you repeat the words, the quicker they will stick in your memory and the easier you will find it when you need them. Speaking Spanish is about confidence. Once you have the words, you need to make a sentence. The hardest thing is to go out and speak. Worry takes over, fear that you will make a mistake or not understand - but only by doing it will that fear reduce and you become able to interact. If you have English friends who speak Spanish, it is a great idea to ask them to speak Spanish with you and correct you as you go. It will of course be difficult to begin with, but with patience and perseverence you will get there. For our last fun revision we are going to have another word search. As well as finding the 10 words in the grid, write each word and its English translation on a piece of paper. These are words from day one, but don´t worry if you missed any lessons, see how many you can get anyway. Good luck!

Aitana heads for Boston

she was told having a birth certificate was “not a human rights issue”. Lawyers disagreed and launched a lengthy legal campaign to get Jade her birth certificate. A relieved Jade now wants to follow her dream to go to America and get her first real suntan.

Mayor’s wind-up

A MUNICIPAL by-law issued in the small town of La Toba, Guadalajara, reads: ‘The ‘Señor Alcalde’ lets it be known – No spitting or breaking wind in public’. The Mayor says he wants to do away with all uncivilised forms of behaviour, and the lack of education and social values by issuing the bylaw which goes on, ‘Cover your mouth with your hand if you sneeze or cough, and turn away from anybody close by.’

AITANA Garcia Doiz, the 12-year-old Spanish girl who needs life-saving medical treatment in the United States, will soon be boarding a plane to Boston - thanks to the nationwide bottle-top collection campaign on her behalf. An appeal went out for plastic bottle tops last August and people throughout Spain and Portugal were so moved by Aitana’s plight that the 450 tonne target has already been met. Courier readers joined the effort after a local fundraiser brought Aitana’s story to our attention - and the Courier office became a drop-off point. Aitana, who was born with a complex congenital heart condition, needs an operation that is practised at the Children’s Hospital in Boston. She has already had two operations there but now must undergo a third. Aitana and her parents, Fundación Seur and Acteco, the company that recycled the bottle tops, have created Association A Smile for Aitana, which will continue collecting and recycling bottle tops to help other children with rare or difficult-to-treat medical conditions.

Friday, April 6, 2012

WHY DO THEY DO THAT? Top dog psychologist PETER SINGH writes exclusively for The Courier. Check out www.thedogyouneed.com or email Peter at peter@thedogyouneed.com

WHEN A MAN’S EGO HAS TO GO

How do we get our new dog to stop putting the bite on us?

Dogs follow balance and ego is not balance

HI PETER, I have enjoyed l reading your words in The Courier and would like to ask a

Dogs are free of the curse of human nature

THE more I work with dogs, the more I learn about human psychology. As long as you don’t have an ego, you will always succeed with your dog, because you are not afraid to ask. In my experience, people with egos will not try to get help if their dog is misbehaving and I’m sorry to say, but the worst offenders for this, are MEN. I find this fact about human psychology sad. Really sad. Because the ego is stopping the human from moving on and living a happy and peaceful life with their dog. They would rather suffer each day with their dog than ask for help. I came across the worst case of ego on a recent consultation. I was called to a home where the family in question had three dogs. One had started to attack the youngest dog and he was going for the kill. This was serious high level aggression and one that was going to take a lot of work to stop. I sense energies very quickly, whether in people or places and have done since I was a small boy. I sensed a very 'dark' energy in the

Blokes prefer to suffer rather than seek help house and I knew that nothing was going to change if the two dogs stayed here during rehabilitation. So I offered to rehabilitate them at my house, where I have my own five dogs to give me valuable help. During the third evening at my house the instigating dog tried again to attack his innocent victim. I stopped the assault but observed his behaviour. Something was not right. I was witnessing something I had not come across before. He was a Terrier, as was his victim, but his stance and stamina was that of a trained fighting dog. During the consultation I knew that something was severely wrong about this case but I had now unearthed the truth by observing the dog. You can train a dog to fight, but you can’t train a dog to lie! I called the family the next day and asked if there was anything they wanted to tell me.

The lady confirmed that there were suspicions for a while now that the dog had been trained to fight the other, by older teenagers in the household due to family politics! That, I will not go into, but up to that point I was convinced I had seen it all when it comes to human cruelty towards dogs. I worked with the two dogs for the next week and started to make some encouraging progress. This wasn’t like other cases where two dogs may fight, but then become friends again very quickly. This was trained aggression and every time this dog saw his victim he would try to kill, but at last I could see some light at the end of the tunnel. With this in mind I called the owners and reported to them that progress was being made, but that I would need more time with them, as this type of behaviour is not rehabilitated in one week. The Wife was desperate for me

to keep the dogs for longer, so I could totally solve the issues but the husband had other ideas. It was agreed that the best outcome was for me to keep working with the dogs for longer, but I was totally amazed when just a few hours later a text came in from the Wife stating the following: “I’m really sorry, Peter, but my husband has decided to collect the dogs this afternoon as he doesn’t like the fact that you know more about dogs than he does”! He arrived a couple of hours later, collected the dogs and took them back home. Within one week the older dog had attacked the younger dog twice and these were both serious incidents, in which the wife was bitten trying to stop the fighting and both dogs had to be taken to the vet with injuries. A couple of weeks later the family ended up re-homing the younger dog and this was all sadly down to a man and his ego. As I have always advised, when you own a dog, if you want to learn and have a really special close bond with that dog, take your ego, put it in a black bin liner and throw it away.

question. We have had dogs for many years but had a break for five years and now have a new companion from a shelter in France, where we live. He is a Beauceron cross which we have had before. Great dogs! He is a kind dog and not at all angry or aggressive, if anything maybe a bit timid from his early experience in the shelter. He loves other dogs and can’t see why some try to attack him when he tries to play. He obeys us as much as a 10month-old dog should, and is getting better. The only thing which we can’t seem to get him out of is that when we stroke him, he likes to grip us with his teeth. It’s not biting, just gripping and no matter what we seem to do he still insists on doing it. So we would like any ideas you may have. CHRIS PETER REPLIES: You need to make sure that you are only giving your dog affection when he is calm and not excited. When you give him affection, make sure it is slow, calm strokes and nothing that takes him into an excited state of mind. Also, when you are giving him affection, if he starts to try to grip your hand, make a sound to make him stop and wait until he is calm before carrying on with the affection. Regarding other dogs attacking him, this may be because he is being too pushy in his approach with other dogs – and it would be best if you drain his energy before he meets other dogs.

Friday, April 6, 2012

New foam insulation perfect for Spain ECO BUILD is a cavity wall insulation and damp proofing specialist company that has been running successfully in Spain for a number of years. The weather conditions in Spain mean that traditional methods of insulation are ineffective for keeping homes cool in the hot summer months and warm during the cool winter nights. But a new Polymer based foam that recognises and maintains the internal and external temperatures is now here! It is a hassle free, no mess, no fuss product that can be pumped into a property within one day. It will not only help keep you warm in the winter and cool in the summer, it will save you money, too, as insulating your home can reduce the cost of heating and cooling by 35 to 45 per cent. And it will help keep your home damp and mould-free, very important for people suffering respiratory problems

such as asthma and bronchitis, which can be triggered by mould. Unlike some companies, Eco Build does not give estimates over the telephone. If you are looking to insulate your

home, Eco Build will survey your property and provide a full, detailed report free of charge and with no obligation. All treatments used by Eco Build have been adapted to suit the construction materials and techniques of Spanish houses. Plus, all chemicals used by Eco Build have a British Board of Agreement Certificate and are the safest and most environmentally friendly products available. With Eco Build you can rest assured that you will only deal with qualified experts as Eco Build does not sub contract any of its work and uses only its own trained and experienced technicians. Eco Build can also advise on other ways to reduce household heating costs, from efficient glazing to power management. So, if you have any signs of damp in your home, or just want to improve the insulation of your property and save money, call Eco Build on 634 009 109 and get the best possible professional advice from a qualified technician.

UNSURE ABOUT SPANISH LAWS? LÍNEA DIRECTA OFFERS LEGAL ASSISTANCE IN ENGLISH, SPECIALLY DESIGNED FOR EXPATRIATES Since January 2011, Línea Directa has provided an online Legal Assistance service which offers expatriate customers advice on Spanish legislation in English on a wide range of topics. The new product, whose price is 40% cheaper than the market average – is offered by practising lawyers and gives motorists insured by Línea Directa advice in many areas such as buying and selling vehicles, renting houses, making complaints to suppliers in consumer disputes, divorce, matrimonial property rights or labour law. In addition, if after the initial enquiries further judicial or extrajudicial action is required, Línea Directa offers the customer its wide network of lawyers throughout Spain, resulting in a discount for the customer of between 10 and 50% of their legal fees. 24 hour assistance for urgent queries The Legal Assistance service for motorists is available from Monday to Friday from 8am to 10pm. If the query is urgent, in cases such as incidents in the home, problems occurring at night time within the family unit – including partners and children – queries regarding consumption, such as having a credit card stolen declined or not returned, or damage caused by pets, Línea Directa provides a service which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

For more information: 902 123 104

Friday, April 6, 2012

Having a baby in Spain HAVING a baby causes a mixture of emotions. It´s scary and exciting and worrying - and having the child in a foreign country intensifies those feelings. It is a big step to take and so I´d like to share my experience of this venture into the unknown of Spanish healthcare, in particular as a mum-to-be and new mum. As there is a lot I´d like to cover I wanted to write an in-depth piece; hence this article will be continued next week. This first part will deal with the pre-care by the midwife, etc, and the second will focus on the hospital. When I discovered I was pregnant, all sorts of thoughts went through my head. But perhaps the most worrying one, ahead of how I would raise a baby in a foreign country, was how was I going to manage the birth? I had heard horror stories about Spanish hospitals almost from the time I arrived here, ranging from dirty premises to staff rudeness, through to inadequate treatment, facilities and equipment. Another worry I had was the language. As I was still very basic in my grasp of Spanish, my partner had to do all the talking. That

was, of course, on the occasions he actually made it to the appointment, which was never guaranteed. The midwife was very nice but spoke no English and I was grateful for my partner; however, I did manage to get by when he didn´t come. I found myself being weighed at every visit and being spoken to about my diet and how I was feeling each time. The midwife was very pleasant, always a happy woman who made me feel at ease

every time, and always answered my questions. She explained where I had to go when I was in labour and the visits to her were very frequent and nearly always on time. She even mentioned to my partner when I was putting on a bit too much weight and so enabled me to keep an eye on how many kilos I was gaining. I certainly didn´t want to balloon, although at the time I was a bit annoyed at her. I mean, I was pregnant after all! After the birth I was glad she had kept me to a healthy weight as it was easier to lose than if I´d piled on the kilos. I was beginning to wonder if the healthcare in Spain wasn´t as bad as I had heard. I was certainly hoping this was the case. My scans were again done on time and professionally. There was still the old fashioned side to it, which meant my partner wasn´t allowed to be with me during the scan and had to sit behind a curtain.

However, we found out together that we were having a little boy. There was no disclaimer if they got the sex wrong, none of the fears I hear go round UK hospitals when it comes to scans, and we were given a little picture free of charge. I was not told to drink copious amounts of water before the scan, although, I´m not sure if this is still the case in the UK, and the scan itself was done professionally and thoroughly. The midwifes´ room and the medical centre where I had the scans were clean and well-kept and the staff, up to this point, had all been helpful and polite. Was this going to change once I got into the hospital, the focus of so many bad stories? For this I had to wait slightly less than the full 40 weeks as my little fella decided to arrive early. He was desperate to prove his dad’s and my jokes correct and arrive on July 7, 2007 or 7/7/07. He was going to be the eighth wonder of the modern world and my little wonder boy, so I was about to find out if the horror stories I had heard were true. I admit I was a little nervous on the way to the hospital but it was too late for nerves and soon the pain took over. Next week I´ll tell you how I got on when I arrived at Accident and Emergency in full labour.

Friday, April 6, 2012

RESPECT GALLOWAY, HE’S NO ALSO-IRAN! Why George Galloway deserves every Respect

I LOVE it when the mainstream UK political parties get a bloody nose, and Labour got a classic thump in the chops last week when the free-speaking George Galloway won the Bradford West by-election. He didn’t really win it. He absolutely cantered in with total ease to grab a safe Labour seat, leaving Ed Miliband and Harriet Harman speechless. Both said there were lessons to be learnt, which is the usual lot of political bull you get when something goes badly wrong for you, and you haven‘t got a clue why. The fact is that when Labour was hitting a double-digit lead in national opinion polls after a dreadful time for the government, this was just a disastrous result for them. I for one cheered as Galloway, standing for the Respect party, is one of the few British politicians I admire these days. Of course, I might not necessarily agree with everything he says, like in his appeasing views over the nutters that run Iran. The colourful Scotsman has never been afraid to say what he thinks, as Talk Sport listeners have found out by tuning in to his entertaining radio shows. I personally have fond memories of interviewing and meeting him on a number of occasions. I remember having George on a programme for half an hour during the 2003 Iraq war, where he tore apart every reason for Britain getting involved in such an escapade, on the basis of the well rehearsed lies that Saddam had an armoury of weapons of mass destruction. The majority of politicians at the time (barring the Liberal Democrats) were actually behind Tony Blair’s government on this, and Galloway became an absolute thorn in their side, before being dumped by the Labour Party as a candidate and party member in a spiteful piece of revenge. When he had finished speaking on my show, the switchboard lit up like the proverbial Christmas tree with complaints

that he was talking rubbish, that he was a Saddam puppet, and that he was unpatriotic. Never before or since have I received so much stick from an audience! I even had one of my bosses questioning whether George should have had the airtime, as clearly there had been some pressure on high exerted on my line-manager, but fortunately all too late. Galloway took an unpopular stand, and was of course proved to be completely right. These days you’ll do well to find more than a handful of people who supported the Iraq invasion a decade ago, but it’s not easy for a politician to make a stand on principle when it really matters, without being derided and smeared. He won a famous libel case against the Daily Telegraph, who printed stories about his alleged dodgy dealings with Iraq. Then, in 2005, he went to Washington, where he destroyed a group of smug US senators who were desperately trying to justify George W Bush’s actions, as well as accusing him over alleged illicit payments from the UN’s Oil for Food programme. That year he became the Respect MP for Bethnal and Bow, and over recent times hit the headlines for dressing up in a cat suit for Celebrity Big Brother, where he gave all his appearance money to charity.

There’s no doubt that Galloway will do a great job for Bradford, and he’ll liven up a House of Commons that’s full of puppets dancing the party line. He’s once again stuck up two fingers at a political and ruling elite that has continually tried to smear and gag him. And, love or hate him, his return to Parliament really has to be good for democracy, along with the millions of people who feel disenfranchised by the current British political system. The goings on at 10 Downing Street at the moment exude a familiar stench in the air, reminding me of the dying days of the Callaghan and Major governments. And that’s with three years to go before the next General Election! Voters like a government that appears to be strong and consistent, but there have been a whole stack of public relations disasters which make you wonder who’s running the show. A pretty decent Budget from George Osborne was ridiculed within 24 hours, when it was revealed that he played a con trick by not being forthcoming in the first place over the so-called Granny Tax. It was a piece of shoddy business that seemed to come straight out of the Gordon Brown playbook. Remember the ridiculous 10p tax? Then you had the utter farce over the taxation of hot pies, followed by the Tory treasurer debacle, topped by different ministers talking drivel over filling up cars with petrol over a strike that hadn’t been called yet. Heaven preserve us from the dictatorial days of Blair and his sidekick Alistair Campbell running everything like it was a Soviet gulag. But something has gone badly wrong in the corridors of power. I just wonder whether Mr. Cameron has made a call to his former mate, the ex-Murdoch hack Andy Coulson, for some strict off-the-record advice on how to get his PR train back on track? He urgently needs to restore authority, especially as the Toryleaning tabloids are chasing after him and his chum George Osborne.

Friday, April 6, 2012

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

The road to the smiles...

MIKE THORNTON'S letter in last week's Courier about the Spanish in shops and restaurants just ignoring us Brits made interesting reading. To an extent it's true, but whenever we make the effort to smile and try to open a conversation with anyone, attititudes very quickly change. And that's particularly true when we travel through France, as we have done many times. We have a favourite Chinese in the Costa and my husband remarked how a particular waitress there never seemed to smile, so he looked on it as a personal challenge to see if

he could get a smile from her. Eventually he did. But don't just blame the Spanish or Chinese, it's the British as well. When I went into a shop in a small village near Eastbourne, I was left standing at the counter while a soppy 20 something behind chatted to her friend about a date and conquest she had the night before. And when my husband goes with me up north he can find himself in a similar situation because he is instantly recognised as a "posh Southerner" and ignored while the northerner behind the bar or shop counter

serves his or her own. Also, when a few years ago he dared to go into a Welsh village shop, he was ignored while the rude assistants talked away in Welsh. In the main, the rudeness seems to come from the younger age group - are they being brought up without being taught basic manners? So yes, Mike, you can find rudeness and ignorance anywhere, try a little friendliness to them and see how quickly you can disarm them - and if you can't, then make sure you don't go to that shop or restaurant again. EILEEN MAYES, Playa Flamenca

IN last week’s Courier, you published a letter from Mike Thornton from El Raso with the heading ‘The Spanish are Murder’. My husband and I have been living in Quesada since November 2011 and we would just like to say that we have encountered many Spanish people and can only praise their kindness and helpfulness. So very different from the UK. JACQUELINE EMMERSON, Quesada

LET’S GET IT CLARO BOB NEEDS RESPECT Strife of Ryan is no joke

I AM very disappointed to see that the dispute between Ryanair and Aena has not been solved satisfactorily. I need to fly to Gatwick in the summer but there are no Ryanair flights so looks like I will have to book Easyjet, which is usually more expensive. I personally have never had a problem with Ryanair, as I always stick to the rules. Maybe they should consider flying Murcia to Gatwick which would be even better for me. I would like to suggest this to Mr O’Leary but of course they have no e-mail contact addresses even for suggestions! JENNY CASTLE Orihuela-Costa

HOW low will the politics of the CLR sink under the leadership of Pedro Mancebo? Personal insults and intimidation seem to be the policies that the CLR party seems to excel in . Perhaps we in the CLARO Party have been very naive and believed in the goodness and decency of people. Having gone with great enthusiasm into a coalition with the Councillor to contest the election and won, the world seemed a beautiful place. But it was not to last for very long. Pedro Mancebo is a man full of ambition and it did not take him long to reveal his true nature. Over the months he systematically humiliated Bob Houliston, our elected counsellor of the coast, and set about to strip him of any powers he had. After months of putting up with this, Bob resigned from his post ith regret. The party came to the conclusion that Pedro was not to be trusted, but to our surprise one of his henchman, Raymond Kearney, came to our meeting before the fateful plenary on March 29 to offer us anything we wanted to be friends with Pedro again. Unlike Pedro’s party, we gave him the courtesy of a hearing and in general treated him with respect - unlike the treatment Bob has received. Over the years I have come to respect Bob Houliston, who should be enjoying a happy retirement but selflessly donated his time and most of his wage as a counsellor to finance the party. He has solely the good of the coast at heart and that we get our fair share - which seems a novelty to politicians of Orihuela. FROM A MEMBER OF CLARO (name supplied)

Pedro Mancebo... full of ambition

It was a compliment - honestly! (To Donna Gee) SORRY if you thought I could be insulting you last week (Letters, March 30), it was definitely a compliment on your new look. As I have never seen you ‘in the flesh’, I only had your

Opinions expressed on the Letters pages are not necessarily those of The Courier

Suffering soldiers need Jubilee joy I WOULD like to bring up a special event that is taking place on June 5 THE QUEENS DIAMOND JUBILEE. She celebrates this with her Troops. Unfortunately there are hundreds of ex military, some very young, who are liviing rough for a number of reasons. They have no home, money, job and many are ill. We speak to people who cannot believe we have this situation. There is a small charity running soup kitchens, rescuing and clothing such people. To

process a rescued young man costs about £2,000. The Barnsley Council and local landlords try to assist but it all costs money. Some of the lads have not served long enough in the forces to qualify for payment. Help for Homeless Heroes works alongside soldiers off the street. Although some of those rescued do not come from the Barnsley area, help, where possible is given to cover their wants. An MP recently informed me that unless the person needing help

comes from his constituency, he is unable to help. What are we doing for these disturbing cases? One was found in an old car and had not eaten for six days. I would love to get some interest or knowledge over here. It would be lovely to allocate Saturday June 2 to 5 to 50 cent collection day. Any people having a big party could ask guests to donate 50 cents - just think how that would assist the two charities concerned. RUTH REID

picture to compare before and after and I could only see a wonderful transformation and your new photo takes years off you. I look forward to hearing more about it. DOROTHY SMITH, Los Altos

DONNA REPLIES: Don’t worry, Dorothy, it was just banter on my part. I’ll be writing about facelifts and cosmetic work in my column very soon - and it’s you who have inspired the idea!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Will opening public can of worms help Orihuela Costa? A STATEMENT by BOB HOULISTON THE Plenary meeting of the Orihuela Council on 29 March, at which I carried out my previously declared intention to vote for the Popular Party motion rejecting the elimination of the post of Councillor for Orihuela Costa, which could jeopardise the continuation of a separate budget for Orihuela Costa, has caused a lot of protest and commentary. I should like to make the following statement. The protests which followed my vote and the subsequent comments are completely disproportionate and at the same time appear to me to be fundamentally antidemocratic in nature. It should be entirely normal for a councillor who is not a member of the government to vote for a motion of the opposition party. It should be no surprise that the CLARO elected councillor should defend the institution of the post of Councillor for the Coast which has existed for over a decade and which recognises the special identity of Orihuela Costa, 30 kilometres from Orihuela city, with a population equal in size to Orihuela city and whose residents are 90% non-Spanish with rights as EU and Norwegian citizens. The consequence of voting for this motion did not endanger the existence of the government and should have been considered a routine matter. Instead, demonstrations were organised by the three parties of the government. The Socialist party mobilised residents of Orihuela Costa, the Green party mobilised supporters from Torremendo and Pedro Mancebo and the CLR party mobilised or manipulated dissident members of CLARO. The atmosphere which they created and the hostility demonstrated was such that the local pólice had to intervene to accompany the CLARO councillor to his car after the meeting. Worst of all was the demonstration in the Plenary meeting itself of five dissident members of CLARO, who did not queue for their seats in the front row of the Plenary and who must have been installed in these seats after being let in through the back door by a councillor with a key. Pedro Mancebo denies having let them in. The action of these five was in contravention of the rules of the Plenary which is the symbol of local democracy where issues are debated and decisions taken by majority vote. The five disgraced the reputation of the Orihuela Town Council. The CLR party, which must have planned and facilitated their protest, as well as the other two parties in the government who organised physically-threatening demonstrations, share in this blame. The preparation of the Plenary also included a letter to the Spanish and local Orihuela Costa English language press some days earlier from the leader of the Orihuela Socialist Party and Deputy Mayor under the title “The Price of a Vote”. This article is full of insinuations and innuendos suggesting that the CLARO elected councillor sold out to the Popular Party and received in return for his vote a cheque in the form of euros or pounds sterling. This is not

only cheap and totally unfounded insinuation, it is degrading for a representative of the Socialist Party to make such insinuations. It is also an example of anti-democratic smear tactics of the worst kind. Few will even suspect that a 75-year-old ex-civil servant who retired 10 years ago with a good pension, no dependent children and no outstanding mortgage is motivated by money. Democracy entails debate.There have been constant and ongoing debates in the CLARO party as to our policy. The person who participated most prominently in the demonstration of the five, was given two hours to argue her point recently in a meeting of our Extended Committee, although she had previously resigned from this committee some weeks earlier. She got no support for her point of view that CLARO should return to its alliance with CLR and should base its policy solely on opposition to the Popular Party. The unanimous view of CLARO is that we defend the interests of Orihuela Costa and we decide rationally, practically and democratically what our actions should be. We are strong enough to resist attempts from outside parties to divide, weaken and destroy us. The Plenary debate on 29 March also offered me an opportunity to explain the reasons for my resignation from the government on 24 February, the day after the previous Plenary.I said my decisión was based on nine months of bitter experience in which my competences had been disputed and rendered ineffective by Pedro Mancebo, the personnel of the Playa Flamenca office of the Town Hall had been reduced and finally that there had been deception over the budget for Orihuela Costa. The latter point, I explained for the first time in public, consisted of my accepting to offer a temporary contribution of €500,000 from the budget of the coast in order to pay urgent unpaid utility bills - in particular electricity. Later, after research and identifying the right documents, I discovered that a million euros was left over from the 2010 budget to pay electricity bills and that the result of the budget modifications approved in the Plenary in October was to provide one million euros for the Socialist party leader to invest in the surrounding villages (pedanias), for which she was responsible, just before the November national general elections and that €750,000 was provided for the CLR leader, Pedro Mancebo, to invest in Tourism for which he is responsible. I was misled by members of the government and the coast was cheated of this important amount of €500,000. The budget for 2012, whenever it is presented for approval, will have to make amends for this deception and unfair treatment of the coast compared with the pedanías and Tourism. A vote for a Motion on 29 March has served to open up in public a whole can of worms which we have to hope local democracy will be better for in the long run.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Succulent Semana Santa LAMB WITH REAL MINT SAUCE AND ROASTED TOMATOES This simple recipe champions fabulous ingredients and making your own mint sauce makes it even more special.

Ingredients

1. 2 tbsp runny honey 2. 1 tbsp English mustard 3. 2 x 6-bone racks of lamb, 4. trimmed of fat 5. 1 tbsp olive oil, plus extra for greasing 6. 150g small vine tomatoes (we used sultan jewel tomatoes) 7. 3 heaped tbsp fresh mint leaves 8. 2 tsp caster sugar 9. 2 tbsp red wine vinegar

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 200째C/fan180째C/gas 6. In a bowl, mix together the honey, mustard and some seasoning. Brush all over the racks of lamb, place on a lightly oiled baking sheet, then roast for 25 minutes. Place the tomatoes on a small baking sheet, drizzle with 1 tbsp oil and roast alongside the lamb for the

final 15 minutes. 2. To make the mint sauce, finely chop the mint, then place in a small bowl with the sugar and a pinch of salt. Stir to coat. Pour over 3 tbsp boiling water and the wine vinegar. Stir, then leave to infuse and cool. 3. Remove the lamb from the oven, then cover loosely with foil and leave to rest for 5 minutes before slicing into cutlets. Serve with the roasted tomatoes, mint sauce and lots of creamy mash, if you like.

SWEET THYME CARROTS A serve these juicy, sweet carrots with roast lamb on Easter Sunday.

Ingredients

1. 2. 3. 4.

750g Chantenay carrots 1 tsp chopped thyme 500ml orange juice Knob of butter

Method

1. Trim the carrots and cut any large ones in half so that they all cook in the same time. Place in a shallow pan with the thyme, orange juice and butter. Cook gently for 10-15 minutes, until the carrots are tender and the juice has

reduced by at least half to make a nice sauce.

BOULANGERE POTATOES These cheesy potatoes go beautifully with roast lamb on Easter Sunday.

Ingredients

1. 2. 3. 4.

1.2 kg floury potatoes 1 vegetable stock cubes 25g butter 50g gruyere, grated

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 180c/fan160c /gas 4. Lightly butter a shallow 2 litre ovenproof dish. Slice the potatoes as thinly as you can, or use a mandolin if you have one, leaving the peel on. Layer the potatoes in the buttered dish, seasoning between layers. 2. Dissolve the stock cube in 500ml boiling water and pour over the potatoes. Dot with butter and cover with foil. Bake for 1 hour or until the potatoes are tender. Remove the foil

Friday, April 6, 2012 need only 2 egg yolks to make the custard. (Use the contents of the first bowl for scrambled eggs.) 2. Wash the shells in very hot, soapy water, then rinse to remove any bacteria. Cook the eggshells in a bowl in the microwave for 1½ minutes on medium, or bake in a hot oven for 5 minutes. 3. Heat the milk, cream and chocolate in a pan over a low heat, stirring until smooth. Beat the 2 egg yolks, sugar and cornflour together in a bowl, then pour onto the chocolate, stirring well. While still over the heat, use a balloon whisk to stir constantly until custard-like. Tip into a jug and pour, while

and sprinkle with cheese. Bake for a further 15 minutes, until golden.

CHOCOLATE CUSTARD EGGS Kids will love helping to make – then eat – these quick chocolate custard Easter eggs. We have used cleaned and cooked eggshells as cups for this chocolate custard. Alternatively, serve them in tiny coffee cups.

Ingredients

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

8 eggs 150ml milk 142ml carton double cream 75g plain chocolate, broken up 25g golden caster sugar ½ tsp cornflour

Method

1. Have 2 bowls ready. Lightly tap 1 egg – at the pointed end – onto a bowl, to gently crack the shell. Peel off just the top). Holding the egg over 1 bowl, gently shake out the egg white, then shake out the egg yolk into the second bowl. Repeat with 1 more egg. Break the remaining eggs as before, but shake out both the egg yolks and whites into the first bowl with the 2 egg whites. You will

hot, into the eggshells. Serve warm or cold.

CARAMELISED PEARS WITH HOT CROSS BUNS Hot cross buns aren't just for Easter, you know, as this quick pud proves. tried and tested

Ingredients

3 large pears 40g butter 60g caster sugar 2 hot cross buns, A knob of butter Cream or ice cream, to serve

Method 1. Quarter and core the pears, then slice into wedges. 2. Heat 40g butter in a pan, add the pear wedges, sprinkle with caster sugar and cook over a medium heat until they start to caramelise. Turn over and cook for a few more minutes, then divide between 4 plates. 3. Halve 2 hot cross buns, heat another knob of butter in the pan and fry the buns in the pan juices over a medium heat for 2-3 minutes. 4. Add 1 hot cross bun half to each plate and serve with cream or ice cream.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Let’s see if you can win yourself a meal for two and a bottle of wine at Quesada Fish & Chips POP QUIZ April 6th Welcome to the famous TKO Gold pop quiz! All you have to do is take the first letter from each answer to find the name of a band or artist. Once you have found the key word, listen in to Chris Ashley´s show on TKO Gold, Saturday mornings 9am – 12pm. 1. He dated Bony Moronie & Short Fat Fannie. 2. A UK top 20 tune for the Yardbirds in May 1966. 3. Hollies had a hit with their cover of a Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs US hit. 4. Richard Pennimans stage name. 5. Food Glorious Food came from which musical. 6. William Broad became better known by this name. 7. Written by Jagger & Richards this was a 1966 hit for Chris Farlowe 8. The Easybeats formed in this city.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Upgrade your brain Blueberries Blueberries have been shown to have the highest concentration of antioxidants of any fruit that has been studied. One half cup of blueberries has as much antioxidant power as five servings of carrots, peas, apples, broccoli, or squash. Blueberries offer protection from oxidative stress in the heart — as well as the brain.

Carrots A Harvard University study showed American men who took 50mg of the antioxidant betacarotene every other day for 15 years delayed cognitive ageing. Not a pill popper? Five servings of carrots a week reduce the risk of stroke by 68 percent.

Fish Fatty fish is the richest source of omega-3 fatty acids, which have been touted as a brain tonic for young and old alike. In one study, elderly people who ate fish at least once a week slowed cognitive decline about 10 percent compared to those who didn't chow down on fish, and the fish-eaters also performed better on tests of memory and mental sharpness.

Green Tea Researchers in Japan found drinking a cup a day cuts your risk of agerelated cognitive decline by 37 percent compared to those who consume less. Let it steep for at least three minutes for more brain benefits. The helpful compounds, polyphenols, are also found in olive oil, chocolate and both beer and wine.

Raisins Raisins are good for your brain because they are an excellent source of boron, a trace element that improves hand-eye coordination, attention and memory. Other good sources of boron include hazelnuts, almonds and dried apricots.

Rosemary Japanese scientists found that a diet supplemented with rosemary extract resulted in less brain damage thanks to the herb's ability to combat free radicals, preventing the onset of degenerative conditions such as Alzheimer's and Lou Gehrig's disease.

ACNE CAUSES, TREATMENT, PREVENTION Acne (Acne Vulgaris) also known as pimples or blackheads is probably the most common form of chronic skin disease, and is most usual between the ages of sixteen and twenty-six but can affect people of all ages. Acne tends to appear on the face, neck, shoulders, back and chest. Although it affects both men and women, young men suffer from acne for much longer. Acne happens when sebaceous (oil) glands are stimulated about the time of puberty by increased levels of male hormones (testosterone). Sebum (oil) is a natural substance secreted through pores on the surface of the skin to lubricate and protect it. The oil carries dead skin cells through follicles (canals) to the surface of the skin, and hair grows out through these canals. When excess oil builds up faster than it can exit the pores, it hardens into acne, blocking the canal and fostering the overgrowth of normally harmless bacteria. The bacteria secrete inflammatory substances causing irritation and promoting more blocking of the canals. Other chemicals secreted causes inflammation of the surrounding skin causing redness, swelling and pain. Sometimes a condition known as ‘hard acne’ occurs, and is caused by the thickening of the flesh beneath the skin, showing up as red, painful lumps, sometimes half an inch across. They last for weeks or months, and may leave a permanent scar.

The art of creating illusions

What comes to mind when you think of 'creating illusions?' If you're like most people you probably think of magicians and tricks. Illusions are created with art, photographs and with clothing. Don't underestimate how much better you can look simply by wearing the right combination of lines. No matter what your size, choosing clothing with flattering lines will make your body look better instantly. If you've gained a few pounds over the holidays that you'd like to hide while you are in the process of getting rid of them, I have a few ideas you can use to trick the eye and make you appear slimmer. 1. Lines: The eye naturally follows lines and all clothing has lines. The lines in clothing are necklines, pockets, sleeves, hems, etc. For example, a sweater that has v-neckline will draw the eye downward creating a long line, the look of a longer neck, longer face and slimmer upper body. By contrast a turtleneck creates a short, horizontal line that stops eye and makes the face appear fuller, the upper body bigger and the neck shorter. Using this concept alone you can create a slimmer upper body by sticking to tops with vertical lines that create the look of length; and by stashing the turtlenecks until you feel a little slimmer. 2. Colour: A basic rule of colour is that black recedes and white advances. In clothing this is important because it means that darker colours will make the wearer appear smaller and lighter clothing will make the wearer look larger. Wearing black to look slimmer is a trick that has sometimes been over used. Black does have a slimming effect but too much black can be dreary and create a washed out look if the proper makeup is not worn.

Sometimes women who want to look smaller try squeezing into a smaller size which defeats the purpose. Tight clothing will always make you look larger. It is much more flattering to wear clothing that fits well and glides over the body rather that sticking to it. Wear dark colours on the places you want to appear smaller but be sure not to wear them tight. For example, if you are a triangle shape with a larger lower body than upper body and you want your lower body to appear smaller, wear a light colour top with dark pants or skirt. For an overall taller and slimmer look, dress in the same colour (or shades of the same colour) from head to toe. 3. Proportion and Scale: A simple explanation of proportion and scale is that an object seen next to other objects appears either larger or smaller depending on the size of the objects that appear next to them. The size of a handbag in relation to the woman carrying it is a good example of this. A large woman carrying a small handbag will appear larger. To avoid looking larger when wearing prints, keep them in proportion to your size.

The main factors in the cure of acne are time, attention to general health and perseverance with local treatment. With regards to general health, it is important for a sufferer to maintain excellent hygienic practises. Because acne is caused by oils, and commonly occurs on the face, an effective remedy is to wash the face vigorously and very often daily. Washing with soap accompanied by rubbing, not only removes the grease and thickened layer, but stimulates the blood supply and muscles of the face. Vitamin D is another highly effective cure for acne. It is commonly known that a little sun daily helps fade acne. However the real crunch is to know how to get the right amount of sun because too much sunlight can cause blistering of acne, leading to more serious health problems. Vitamin D supplements are also very effective, but should be taken after consultation with a doctor. Exercise is also known to prevent acne through two very important means. Firstly, exercise causes sweating which in turn acts as a cleansing system for the skin, bringing up dirt and debris from the pores to the surface. Secondly, several studies now confirm that exercising helps the body regulate hormone production. Local treatment involves treatment using OTC (over-the-counter) medications that are usually applied to the skin, and include benzoyl peroxide, salicylic acid, sulphur and Retin-A. Benzoyl peroxide is anti-bacterial, and slows down the production of sebum. Salicyclic acid and sulphur helps break down pimples, and by causing the skin to shed easily, prevents the blockage of pores. Sulphur can be purchased as soap from pharmacies. Retin-A is a form of Vitamin A, and helps unplug blocked pores. It is important to understand that chemical substances always carry a side effect of toxicity. Send your questions to Dr Machi Mannu, Email contact@medb.es

Friday, April 6, 2012

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Michael wanted help with Bluetooth on his lap- ADVICE: William received an email he was unsure of and top. wanted to know whether it was true. Hi Richard, Just a quick question for you, on my new computer it says Bluetooth is on but when I try to send a picture from my mobile it will not detect the computer as a device, and I can’t find anyway of the computer detecting the phone. I do have a Bluetooth adapter but it won`t install the drivers on the computer so I suppose it’s not compatible with Windows 7. Thanks, Michael

Extract of email…”Do not open any message with an attachment called: "Invitation FACEBOOK", regardless of who sent it. It is a virus that opens an Olympic torch that burns the whole hard disc C Of your computer. This virus will be received from someone you had in your address book.”

Hi Michael, there is no need to install your separate Bluetooth adapter as your new laptop has Bluetooth built in. In order to use it you will first need to “pair” your phone with your laptop, it’s pretty easy to do and usually involves entering a code into your phone while it’s close to your laptop. To add a Bluetooth enabled phone to your laptop you just follow the steps below…

1. Open Devices and Printers by clicking the Start button, and then, on the right of the Start menu, click Devices and Printers. 2. Click Add a device, and then follow the instructions. 3. Click the Bluetooth enabled device (your phone) you want to add to your computer, and then click Next. If you don't see your phone, make sure it’s Bluetooth is turned on and discoverable. 4. Windows will ask you to type in a code to your phone to enable them to pair, once paired they will be able to communicate without following this process every time.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Hola Richard, I have received the following email from a friend of mine in the UK, is this really true?

Office: 902 906 200

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi William, no it’s not true, these type of emails are simply designed to worry people and lets be fair, we all worry about receiving a virus so this type of hoax just doesn’t help a stress free online life! If you are at all unsure whether an email is a hoax or real then www.hoax-slayer.com is a great place to go to check out any suspicious emails you receive, with regards to the one you mention, it’s on the site, here is a link to it - http://www.hoax-slayer.com/invitation-fb-virus-hoax.shtml so please do not forward it to everyone in your contact list.

ADVICE: Bill wanted to know if he needed to make a new set of recovery disks after he had his computer’s hard drive replaced.

Hola Richard, A question. I had made a set of repair discs with the original hard drive before it died and you replaced it. Do I need to burn another set for the new one? All the

best Bill

Hi Bill, as you know it’s important to have a set of recovery disks for your computer or laptop, these are used by an engineer in the unfortunate event that you need to replace your hard drive due to failure, without these disks an engineer cannot easily re-install the Windows operating system. It’s important to note that many people are unaware of the importance of these disks until it’s too late, everyone should check that they have made them or their engineer has created them for them. Bill in your case, you do not need to create a new set of disks, the ones that you have already are fine and were in fact used to get your computer up and working after we fitted your new hard drive. NOTE: If you don’t know whether you should have recovery disks or not, or you’re unsure how to create them then just drop me an email with your computers make and model and I will let you know.

Friday, April 6, 2012

WHAT THE UK

PC MAIL STAMPS ON WAR FUN AT SAUCE HISTORIC seaside postcards poking fun at Hitler, Goering and the Kaiser have been banned from Royal Mail limited edition stamps — for being anti-German.

The Sun

the firm’s traditional seaside cards because they featured scantily-clad ladies or saucy jokes. The two cartoons were passed by British Bamforths drew up the plan for the censors during the two World Wars. stamps to celebrate 140 years since it But when saucy postcard company was founded in Holmfirth, West Bamforths selected them for a set of ten Yorkshire. The ten images were to stamps, Royal Mail bureaucrats turned them appear on 200 “Smiler Sheets” which are produced by the Royal Mail to allow down as “inappropriate”. The killjoys also rejected another five of businesses to add an image to official stamps. The stamps peel off Daily Mirror and could be used to post letters but are usually traded between collectors. Bamforths’ managing director Ian Wallace said they had chosen ten cards carefully to GEORGE Galloway has celebrated last week’s by- mark particular periods in the election victory with a fourth wedding – this time to a company’s history. One of the ten showed Dutch woman younger than his daughter. And the ceremony in an Amsterdam hotel took Hitler poking his head out of place just four months after the Respect MP’s third a dustbin to ask “Have those naughty bombers gone, wife gave birth to their second son. New bride Putri Gayatri Pertiwi, 27, is two years Herman?” while Goering younger than Mr Galloway’s first child, Lucy, and 30 cowers in another bin with a years younger than medal stuck to his backside. A First World War card the new member for shows a British Tommy chasBradford West. Mr Galloway, 57, a ing the Kaiser with a bayonet cigar-smoking teeto- with a caption saying: “It’s tal Catholic wed LEAP year, and we mean to teenage sweetheart, drive the point home to the Germans." Elaine Fyffe in 1979.

Galloway, 57, weds bride No.4 aged 27

They divorced in 1999, by which time he had married Palestinian scientist Dr Ammineh AbuZayyad as a second wife in a Muslim ceremony. By the time of his second divorce he had a son with Lebanese researcher Rima Husseini, whom he also wed in a Muslim ceremony. Miss Pertiwi is a consultant with a Dutch research firm and was listed as his fourth wife on his Wikipedia site, sparking speculation that he had wed again. Confirming the news, Miss Pertiwi said: “Yes, it is true that George and I have married.” Mr Galloway added: "We have known each other for about six months.”

In its heyday Bamforths sold 30million cards a year. Mr Wallace said: “We airbrushed the swastikas out of the Hitler one and they still turned it down. “The official at the Royal Mail’s offices told us we couldn’t have them because they are anti-Germanic. “I said ‘Of course, it’s antiGermanic. There was a bloody war on’. Are we supposed to airbrush out two World Wars as well? “For well over a century, Royal Mail, the GPO and post office have made a fortune from delivering the very

postcards that some smallminded person or people have decided to censor. “The Bamforths sense of fun is appreciated all over the world but not apparently by a small number of people." Philip Parker, head of stamp strategy, said: “Royal Mail has very clear guidelines and policies on what it may accept for reproduction on this product range. “Royal Mail reserves the right to decline to print a customised sheet if we believe the content could be perceived as inappropriate.”

Now James Murdoch quits Sky

Rupert Murdoch’s media empire suffered another blow on Tuesday as his son finally quit as chairman of BSkyB. James Murdoch resigned after months of pressure heaped on him by the News International phone hacking scandal. He had already been forced out of the NI group where he was publisher of the Sun and, until its closure, News of the World. He said on Tuesday: “As attention continues to be paid to past events at News

Daily Mirror International, I am determined the interests of BSkyB should not be undermined.” James, 39, who will remain on the board, was grilled twice by a Commons select committee on phone hacking. BSkyB is being probed by broadcasting watchdog Ofcom, to decide whether it meets the “fit and proper” ownership test in the wake of the scandal.

Drunken antics finish Henson GAVIN HENSON looks finished as a rugby player after being given the boot by Cardiff Blues for his boozy antics on a plane. Airline Flybe also banned the 30-year-old former Wales international for six months. Henson, former husband of singer Charlotte Church, was said to have lobbed ice cubes at passengers during a 7am flight to Cardiff following an all-night bender after a game in Glasgow. There were complaints that he was drunk, loud and abusive. Henson apologised but Cardiff Blues terminated his eight-month contract for “unacceptable behaviour”. Chief executive Richard Holland said: “Behaviour like that will not be tolerated — it is unfortunate his career with the Blues has ended this way.” Ex-Wales captain Gwyn Jones said: “He can’t handle alcohol. Who will sign him now?”

Friday, April 6, 2012

TABLOIDS SAY

THE WEATHER? IT’S ALL WHITE From scorcher to snow in one freezy lesson

The Sun PARTS of Britain woke up to a blanket of snow on Tuesday as the recent scorching weather was replaced by wintry conditions and predictions of sub-zero temperatures. Around seven inches of snow fell in Aviemore in the Highlands overnight as an Arctic weather front bore down on the UK. On Tuesday nine hillwalkers, including six teenagers had to be rescued after becoming stranded. A major rescue operation was launched during the morning after the party became stuck in the Cairngorms. Around four hours after they were initially alerted, police confirmed that the entire group had been rescued successfully. The wintry blast came just a week after record-breaking warm temperatures in north-eastern Scotland. A week earlier, temperatures rose to 23.6C in Aboyne, Aberdeenshire, marking a new high in Scotland for the month. On Tuesday the mercury dropped to minus 0.5C overnight and was at 0C at 6am. The snow caused widespread travel chaos. Emergency services

Pile-up... Scotland feels the crunch as the big freeze returns

attended a seven-vehicle accident in Shotts, North Lanarkshire. There were a number of other collisions and reports of cars sliding off the road in Tayside and Fife where some vehicles became stuck in the snow in the Largoward and St Monans area. Around four inches (10cm) of snow carpeted most parts of northern Scotland, with 7.5 inches (17cm) recorded in Aviemore and temperatures of minus 2.7C in Glen Ogle. The weather is in stark contrast to March’s hot weather: the only years to have had a warmer month in the past 100 years are 1938, 1948, 1957, 1990 and 1997.

College killing spree as crazed gunman opens fire on ex-classmates

SEVEN people were killed and three injured on Monday after a crazed gunman opened fire at a US university. The alleged shooter, who had recently been expelled from Oikos University in Oakland, California, began shooting in a reception area before continuing his killing spree in a class, telling former classmates to line up so he could take aim. Oakland police chief Howard Jordan said: “We know that he came here with the intent of locating an administrator, and she was not here. “He then went through the entire building systematically and randomly shooting victims.” The victims included six women and a man, ranging in age from 21 to 40. One victim was blasted at point blank range at the Christian college

The Sun

where the suspect fired about 30 shots. Police believed One Goh, 43, had been targeting a school administrator as well as former class mates who he felt had treated him unfairly. He was eventually caught in the car park of a shopping centre around two hours after the attack. One witness said he was cuffed and taken away in a car. Pastor Jong Kim, who founded the university a decade ago, said the suspect had been a nursing student. A neighbour said that a woman shot at the scene who said she was in his nursing class told her “he looked crazy all the time — but they never knew how far he would go”.

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Daily Mail

Trapped cat clings to life by licking water from windows Tamba home and safe

A CAT has been freed after being trapped for five weeks in a summerhouse where he survived only on condensation from the windows. Devastated Lorraine Cook, 41, feared she would never see her beloved pet Tamba again. But the mother-of-two is

Daily Mail celebrating after 10-year-old Tamba returned. Miss Cook, of Trimley St Martin, near Felixstowe, Suffolk, realised something was wrong on Valentine's Day when Tamba failed to come home.

The neighbour’s summerhouse has a cat flap and Miss Cook believes it is possible Tamba could have gone through it and then it locked behind her. The clever cat almost certainly cheated death by licking condensation off the windows.

“Tamba was really skinny. We took her to the vet but she seemed to be OK.” Tamba returned home on March 19 after being spotted in the summerhouse. She has since had loads of fuss from Lorraine and her two daughters Dorothy, 13, and Florence, 12.

Catwalks, canapes and bargain rails xx

LOOKING Good Boutique is holding a fashion show in aid of Paul Cunningham Nurses at La Herradura restaurant in Los Montesinos on April 20. As well as showcasing Looking Good’s latest collection, Louise and her staff of expert fashionistas will help clients get the most out of their existing wardrobe with their Smart Thinking Fashion hints, and offer advice on what best suits each person. There will even be a sale rail for bargain hunters. A raffle, with loads of fantastic prizes, will be held in aid of Paul Cunningham Nurses. The show starts at 11am, with a champagne and canapé reception in the interval. Tickets fcost €10, but you get your money back in the form of a €10 voucher to spend at the show or in the popular La Zenia boutique. Tickets are strictly limited so buy yours now from Looking Good Boutique in La Zenia, The Post Room in Benijofar or by calling Paul Cunningham Nurses on 639 318 526.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Success at a stroke LAST Saturday Torrevieja Swimming Club competed in two Trophy competitions in the Municipal Pool San Vincente, Alicante. Club Natacion Raspeig hosted the VIII Trophy of Swimming, in which 437 swimmers representing 20 clubs from around the region competed to a very high standard. Fourteen Torrevieja squad members competed, and in the girls Alevin category, Piroska Rideg received a trophy for second place in the 100m freestyle event. Both Prebenjamin members of the squad reduced their times in the 50m freestyle. Amy Connolly bettered her time by eight seconds and Artem Nikolaev by nearly three seconds. In the Benjamin category, Victoria Pigneur, Johnathan Izquierdo and Bastian Martinez swam the 50m freestyle for the first time this season and set themselves new personal times, while Georgy Murskiy reduced his previous time by one second. Glittering success...Vicki Connolly (left) and Piroska Rideg In the Alevin category 100m freestyle, Alejandra Amat reduced her time by two seconds and Elian Del Rio Castillo retained his previous best time. Piroska Rideg swam a very close race to achieve an outstanding second position. The three Infantil swimmers Louise Brassington, Nadia Cheetham and Konstantin Badminov, retained personal bests, Nadia improving on her previous time by two seconds. The newly formed Torrevieja Masters competed in the memorial competition for Councillor Ramon Garcia Anton. And Vicki MARIA and the Pink Ladies held a charity race night last Saturday Connolly did the town proud in aid of cancer charity AECC. winning the 50m freestyle for 45More than 100 ‘punters’ packed into Breakaways and raised an impressive 625 49s and finishing second in the euros for the charity. 100m. The venue looked stunning as the new owners of the refurbished Breakaways had For club information, please decked it out with pink balloons and ribbons for the occasion. call 637 869 602 or e-mail Staff got everyone into the party mood, created a fantastic atmosphere and jollied onecagigao@hotmail.com people into placing bets to boost funds for AECC. In between races, punters devoured a fabulous buffet as well as delicious cupcakes provided by Denise of My Piece of Cake in the Rioja Centre. The final race of the evening prompted an auction of competing horses, and fittingly the winning horse, Mustang Sally, was bought by Maria’s table. Earlier in the day Maria visited Maxx Gym where she watched a spinning class raise 135 euros for the AECC. The spinathon was arranged by Sofia Alvarez owner of Viajes of Playa Flamenca. Maria Wilson and the There’s no holding back Maria and her irrepressible Pink Ladies Pink Ladies began raising money for the AECC after Maria discovered she had Who Lunch breast cancer. Since then, LADIES a beautiful Maria has developed a sec- enjoyed four- A PACKED bar at La Zona in Los Narejos enjoyed the latest ondary cancer but this has home-cooked HAH charity auction. not deterred this deter- course meal at Ruby’s in La Zona’s Joanne played auctioneer, bringing the hammer El Raso, followed by line mined lady. down on €783-worth of items in less than two hours. Maria and her ladies are dancing and a good sinAll auctioned items were donated to HAH before being still as busy as ever raising galong. The group is cleaned and catalogued by Carol and Norman Duff. funds for the AECC cancer open to ladies who wish The next HAH auction of promises will be held at Novo to meet new friends and charity. Over the past two years have an enjoyable after- Carthago (Paddy Singh’s) restaurant and bar in Los Urrutias the group has raised a stag- noon out . Next lunch is on April 19 at 7.30pm, when you can bid for everything from gering amount of more than on April 26. Anyone inter- painting and decorating to pool cleaning and chiropody. Anyone struggling to cope with illness can call HAH on 633 38,000 euros for the anti- ested in joining can concancer charity, which spe- tact Tracey at Ruby’s on 673 034, or if you would like to volunteer to help HAH email cialises in prevention and 657 355 566 or Sue on 966 helpathome@gmail.com More information on HAH is avail189 342. able at www.helpathome.es early detection.

RACY NIGHT PUTS AECC IN THE PINK

The Brigadoon boys get ready for the Rascals show

Mamma Mia, a show where Anything Goes! FANS of musical theatre will love the Rascals’ latest variety show, A Night at the Musicals. Filled with music, dance and comedy from many of the best-loved musicals, the show is sure to be one of the most entertaining nights out this month. The Rascals will perform numbers from Hello Dolly, The Sound of Music, Brigadoon, Anything Goes, Starlight Express, Mamma Mia! and many more hit shows. For the first time the Rascals have invited the Carmen Lorente Dance School to perform with them. Dancers from the school will perform to a couple of numbers from Mary Poppins in the first half of the show and treat the audience to an Irish dance in the second half. This colourful extravaganza can be seen first at the School of Music and Culture in Los Montesinos on May 3 and 4 and the show will return in June for two performances in Torrevieja on June 15 and 16 at Virgen del Carmen. Los Montesinos ticket sales will support Adismon and Age Concern, and Torrevieja shows will support Alzheimer’s. Tickets can be reserved by calling Sue on 966 784 874.

Lunch munch

Hammered!

Friday, April 6, 2012

DAYA Nueva resident Angela Gorrell was left all in a flap when a flock of racing pigeon-fanciers stopped outside her house. "All of a sudden cars stopped and people got out with binoculars,” said Angela. "Then a van stopped, opened up the back of the vehicle, and started to sell drinks and bocadillos. "I wondered what on earth was going on," added a surprised Angela. "It's the birds - pigeons - that's why we

Una paloma not very blanca are here," one of the Spanish racing pigeon entourage told Angela. Then she saw what all the fuss was about - a flock of colourful birds that looked “more like parrots”. The birds were pigeons that had been painted in different colours. The birds swooped and settled - before

taking flight again - followed by the posse of cars. Brandy finished and bocadillos eaten, the racing pigeon enthusiasts had gone; the only evidence of their presence being a few coloured feathers. Spanish racing pigeons are painted in their owners colours, and with good

money to be made in the sport, birds can be worth a fortune. Chinese businessman Zhen Yu paid a world record $328,000 for a Dutch bird in February this year. The Queen has racing pigeons - as did Picasso, who named his daughter Paloma, Spanish for pigeon.

PERM SUNDAY!

Europe’s barbershop groups join up for Costa weekend festival

SOME 600 barbershop aficionados took Benalmádena by storm last weekend at the Spanish Association of Barbershop Singers’ (SABS) fourth annual convention.

Photos: Vincent de Vries Photography, Málaga

And among the performers on the Costa Del Sol were outgoing champions Spangles from Los Alcázares, along with the Viva and Fénix quartets from Los Alcázares, and Torrevieja Harmonisers, FourMidables and The Velvetones from Torrevieja. Singers travellled from all over Europe to attend the event, with choruses and quartets from England, Ireland and Holland. Competition was tough, with the ladies chorus contest seeing Heartbeat from Stockport beat Cheshire Chord Company from Warrington to the title by just three points. The bronze went to Dutch singers Mixed-Q. In the quartet contest, Echo, from Manchester, took the gold - and with it became Musical director the SABS International Cyril Willoughby Champions. mediates as the It was a bumper year for fairies make a point Madrid singers, with Barberidad scooping the resounding accompaniment of Loudly Let the Trumpet Bray. There were several out- SABS Chorus Champion title standing performances but I’m not going and Investigators winning the to pick anyone out because all 27 cast SABS Quartet Champion title members deserve a fairy big pat on the for the second time since 2010. back (mind the wings, guys). “This is the first time that Even the botched post-interval comedy sketch featuring Lord Sugar, Lord Coe, a we have hosted this internaPearly King and Queen served its pur- tional event in Benalmádena pose. A brief combination of bad timing, and we are very pleased with prompting and general confusion made the results,” said SABS vice the scene twice as funny as it was intend- president, Lyn Baines. Next year’s convention is ed to be - even if Sugar’s ‘’You’re Tired!’’ scheduled for Alicante’s punchline did sound rather weary. It was all so contrived that I half-expect- prestigious new Auditorio de ed to see two brothers from the German la Diputación. For more info House of Lords march onto the stage and on SABS visit www.sabs.es introduce themselves as Peers Morgen... or email lyn@sabs.es

Fénix ladies quartet travelled from los Alcázares

Peers and cheers

I’M NOT exactly an expert on Gilbert and Sullivan. In fact, I used to think they were a pop singer dressed up as a schoolboy playing a piano and harping on about a girl called Claire, writes DONNA GEE. But for all its flaws, I did enjoy the local G&S Society’s production of Iolanthe at the Casa de Cultura in Guardamar. The show was a roller-coaster ride across the three (or is it four?) C’s choral class, comedy and cock-ups. And the 300-strong audience loved every moment. It also marked the retirement of several key members, including show director Mava Bingham and musical director Cyril Willoughby, who is returning to the UK with wife Cindy after 17 years in the sun. To say the storyline of Iolanthe is a little weird would be an understatement. It’s actually bonkers - all about fairies marrying mortals (assuming a member of the House of Lords counts as a mortal, that is). Also, unlike G&S favourites such as Pirates of Penzance and The Mikado, the music of Iolanthe is relatively unknown. However, I warmed to many of the songs - and was positively bowled over by the grand entrance of the Peers to the

Razor-sharp singing style from FourMidables

Friends hold beetle drive A SUCCESSFUL Beetle Drive was staged at Lui’s lounge, Camping La Encina, San Javier last Friday by the Friendship Group of HELP Murcia Mar Menor. The fish-and-chips lunch was declared the best in town. Janneke, HELP’s caring services officer, won the prize by completing three beetles. A good crowd created a happy and friendly atmosphere and Doreen and Janice were kept busy making sure a great time was had by all. The next Friendship Group meeting will be at the Cafe Golf, San Javier on April 27 at 12 noon, when there will be a beauty demonstration and jewellery sale.

Public demand brings back Hollywood BROADWAY & Hollywood, one of the most successful shows to tour the Costas last year, is to return for a further five shows this month. The tour, promoted by Jukebox Promotions, is back as a direct result of public demand. The show was a sell-out last June, with standing ovations at every performance,

and it had the same result when it was brought back briefly in September and November. The show will again star Mr Voice Andy Jones singing Broadway and West End hits. And there’s nobody better than Andy to deliver these hits as he has performed with the D'Oyly Carte Opera Company and sung

in much-loved shows such as Carousel, Guys and Dolls, Oklahoma, Camelot, Merry Widow, The Card and Calamity Jane. Andy and Jukebox Legends will also perform songs from musical movies of the 60s and 70s. The tour starts April 21. For dates, venues and booking information call 695 135 134

Friday, April 6, 16, 2012 Friday, December 2011

Cars made by non-car enterprises Building cars is not easy. Despite this hard slice of reality, it's amazing the number of companies that are prepared to have a stab at building them, even though they have nothing to do with cars. We've gathered together 11 cars created by non-car enterprises that previously had no experience in the motoring field. Cartoon animator: Disney Pixar

ly designing and building engines, but it has never made its own car. Except it very nearly did, when in 1992 it presented the OX99-II supercar. Powered by a 3.5-litre V12 engine taken directly from Formula One, it featured a tandem twoseater layout and carbon bodywork. But then the world economy imploded and no customer cars were ever made.

car through 'the power of thought'. The more fit the rider was physically, the faster the car would go (up to 230mph, said the designer). It was, of course, entirely fictional.

Photocopiers: Kyocera Disney Pixar's movie franchise Cars is filled with car-icatures (geddit?). To promote the film Cars 2, the movie maker actually built a full-size recreation of one of the cartoon's star cars, Finn McMissile, as voiced by 'spy' Michael Caine. We think the real-life car looks suspiciously like a Volvo P1800...

Motorbikes: Yamaha One of Japan's biggest motorbike brands, Yamaha, has done lots behind the scenes in the motor industry, particular-

Footwear: Nike Players of the Gran Turismo 4 racing game will instantly recognise the Nike One car. It was designed by Phil Frank, the man who designed the Saleen S7 supercar. The driver would sit in it like he was riding a motorbike and control the

Most of us know the name Kyocera because of its photocopiers. But it also makes solar panels, a fact it advertised by building a car powered by the sun. Called the SCV-0 (Solar

Friday, April 6, 2012 Car Vehicle), it was first seen in 1992. Kyocera has since supplied cells for the Toyota Prius's optional solar-powered air conditioning system. But no photocopied posteriors.

Aeroplanes: Bristol One of the most famous British marques of all time, Bristol Cars, was formed in 1945 when its existence as an aeroplane maker was threatened by the end of World War Two.

The IZA was actually built by the company that also made the Vemac sports car.

Tractors: Kubota Japanese tractor maker Kubota presented this bizarre beast in 1970. It's not actually a car but a concept design for a luxury tractor. Hence the swanky lady carrying a handbag hardly your average agricultural labourer.

Gun maker: Ruger It's a little-known fact that the famous US gun brand Ruger also built its own car. Known as the Ruger Special or Ruger Sports Tourer, it was a replica of a pre-war Bentley tourer, made from 1969 to 1972. The bodywork was the very opposite of high-calibre steel, though: it was made of glassfibre.

Glue maker: Bayer

It essentially raided the locker of the defeated German nation. It visited the BMW factory and created the Bristol 400 around a reworked BMW chassis, engine and body.

German paint and glue manufacturer Bayer was behind the 2007 Rinspeed eXasis. It showcased a transparent body and floor made out of a substance called Makrolon. Even the seats and armrests were transparent, as were the instrument displays.

Electricity generator: Tepco Here's a prediction for you. All the big electricity companies will eventually make their own cars as electric cars become more popular. Fanciful? Maybe not. As long ago as 1991, TEPCO (the Tokyo Electric Power Company) showed an electric prototype called the IZA at the Tokyo Motor Show.

Football pools: Vernons Vernons was one of the biggest football pools companies in Britain in the 1950s, and in 1954 it decided to gamble on a new three-wheeled economy car called the Gordon. Unfortunately, it was a truly terrible car. Despite being the cheapest car on sale in Britain, very few people wanted such a crude and ugly car, and production ended in 1958.

Supermarket: Muji In 2001 Japanese supermarket chain Muji decided it wanted to sell its own car. Muji asked Nissan to supply 1,000 examples of the Micra, from which all badging was removed, and then sold them through its own website. It wasn't the first supermarket to do this though: in 1952, the US chain Sears sold a badge-engineered Kaiser Henry J in its stores as the Sears Allstate. Freya was driving her Chevrolet Vega home in New Mexico when she saw an elderly Apache woman walking along the side of the road. She stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a lift? With a silent nod, the woman climbed into the car. Freya tried in vain to make conversation with the Apache woman. The old Apache looked closely at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a red gift bag on the seat next to Freya. 'What's in the bag?' asked the old woman. 'It's a bottle of whisky that I got for my husband.' The Apache woman was silent for another minute or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, 'Good trade.'

Friday, April 6, 2012

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 5 represents L and 14 represents X, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 In the main (6) 4 Mobile computer (6) 9 Medical instrument (7) 10 Happen again (5) 11 Passageway (5) 12 Inactive (7) 13 Noisy spirit (11) 18 Draw in (7) 20 City of Saudi Arabia (5) 22 Arouse (5) 23 Abide by (7) 24 Fairy (6) 25 Hate with intensity (6)

Down 1 Bad luck (6) 2 Arranges (5) 3 Not strict (7) 5 Land measurements (5) 6 Elements of a strategy (7) 7 Wrapped bundle (6) 8 Anguish (11) 14 Alfresco (7) 15 In one group (2,5) 16 Humped animals (6) 17 Express grief (6) 19 Dexterous (5) 21 Arch (5)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Modest, 4 Rumpus, 9 Syringe, 10 Globe, 11 Issue, 12 Besiege, 13 Observatory, 18 Curator, 20 Extra, 22 Again, 23 Upsurge, 24 Linger, 25 Unless. Down: 1 Misfit, 2 Darts, 3 Sincere, 5 Urges, 6 Pioneer, 7 Skewer, 8 Herbivorous, 14 Bargain, 15 Treason, 16 Scrawl, 17 Caress, 19 Tense, 21 Terse.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 7 Established customs in religious dress (6) 8 The wild cat Coe runs around a great deal (6) 9 Get chills and fever from some colleagues (4) 10 Nationality hidden in camera (8) 11 Wider British road and a ruler (7) 13 Put off Peter by swapping a new penny for an old one (5) 15 Start being confused (5) 17 Act like a harbour fish (7) 20 Bosses will come from a rebuilt East Germany, but not yet (8) 21 Amazed silver got back less time (4) 22 Go back to surrender again? (6) 23 Rubbed out the start of the earnings related and salary enhanced dividend (6)

Down 1 An old car is explosive (6) 2 A strange idea for an assistant (4) 3 Has made model embarrassed (7) 4 The policeman and the newspaperman managed together (5) 5 Rosa left the presentation confused and remorseful (8) 6 Close a helter-skelter, that's a relief (6) 12 Excited mate and I are in disguise (8) 14 Add water, causing mines to explode (7) 16 Commercial in Eve's skirts (6) 18 So Dean is affected by some Poles (6) 19 The first woman is given about two pounds for flat (5) 21 A farmer starts off in the distance (4)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Firecracker (6) 2 Assistant (4) 3 Apologetic (7) 4 Managed (5) 5 Repentant (8) 6 Comfort (6) 12 Spirited (8) 14 Dampen (7) 16 Eludes (6) 18 Electrodes (6) 19 Flat (5) 21 A long distance (4)

Across 7 Customs (6) 8 Nocturnal wildcat (6) 9 Chills and fever (4) 10 Citizen of USA (8) 11 More liberal (7) 13 Discourage (5) 15 Commence (5) 17 Act the part of (7) 20 Directors (8) 21 Excited (4) 22 Draw back (6) 23 Deleted (6)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Arts, 3 Volcanic, 9 Traffic, 10 Manor, 11 Contemplates, 13 Astute, 15 Stanza, 17 Run of the mill, 20 Eying, 21 Antenna, 22 Hat stand, 23 Trek. Down: 1 Autocrat, 2 Twain, 4 Occupy, 5 Compartments, 6 Nankeen, 7 Card, 8 Afterthought, 12 Hallmark, 14 Tourist, 16 Strain, 18 Inner, 19 Yeah.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Men Ace Pam Alb Pat Alp Pep Are Pic Arm Ram Ash Ran Ate Rap Bed Rat Cat Red Cot Sea Dab See Era Ski Her Tax Him Tod Lab Tup Lea Yak Lee 4 letter words

Aces Akin Aura Axel Axis Coco Echo Eels Ghee Kist Leek Loot Nine Peek Rust Sane Skua Soar

Tent Tone 5 letter words Balsa Haste Matey Pagan 7 letter words Canasta Interns Karaoke Panacea 9 letter words Blanketed Parameter Perimeter Pixelated

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Además de (7) 5 Smooth (skin, hair) (5) 8 Chino (7) 9 Inepto (5) 10 Semillas (5) 11 To get married (7) 12 Queso (6) 14 Daño (a algo) (6) 17 Aspect (7) 19 Arches (5) 22 Doubts (uncertainties) (5) 23 Clima (7) 24 Ready (prepared) (5) 25 Chubascos (7)

Down 1 Mouths (5) 2 Brillo (de tela, pelo, zapatos, superficie) (5) 3 Vestidos (de mujeres) (7) 4 Discurso (alocución) (6) 5 Velas (náutico) (5) 6 Happiness (cheerfulness) (7) 7 Extremo (máximo) (7) 12 Tracksuit (7) 13 Swords (7) 15 Fan (air) (7) 16 Voces (6) 18 Helmet (5) 20 Lesson (5) 21 Cobertizos (para animales, útiles) (5)

Friday, April 6, 2012 Across 1 From the French for ‘to rock’, what name is given to a quiet song intended to lull a child to sleep? (8) 7 What is the first name of the Cockney flower girl in Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe’s classic musical My Fair Lady? (5) 8 Which waxy substance secreted by the sperm whale and found floating at sea or washed ashore is used in perfume? (9) 9 Which nautical term means at, near, or towards the stern of a ship? (3) 10 What name was applied to an agricultural labourer bound by the feudal system who was tied to working on his lord’s estate? (4) 11/14 Which British playwright won the 2005 Nobel prize for Literature? (6,6) 13 Which city is the state capital of Texas? (6) 14 See 11 17 In Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew, what is the name of the sweet, docile, younger sister of Katharina? (6) 18 In snooker what name is given to a slight touch of a ball against another ball? (4) 20 See 21 Down 22 What name is given to a member of a choir, especially a child or young person singing the treble part in a church choir? (9) 23 What name is given to the positively charged electrode by which the electrons leave an electrical device? (5) 24 Which ancient and medieval musical instrument similar to a dulcimer is played by plucking the strings with the fin-

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

gers or a plectrum? (8) Down 1 Which yellow metal is an alloy of copper and zinc? (5) 2 What was the maiden name of Margaret Thatcher? (7) 3 In the British nobility, which peer ranks below a marquis

and above a viscount? (4) 4 What name is given to an additional tax on something already taxed, especially a higher rate of tax on incomes above a certain level? (6) 5 From the Arabic for ‘effort’, what name is given to a holy war undertaken by Muslims against unbelievers? (5) 6 What was the surname of the 19th French chemist and bacteriologist who made pioneering studies in vaccination techniques? (7) 7 Tallinn is the capital of which Baltic country on the south coast of the Gulf of Finland? (7) 12 What name is given to the management of large amounts of money, especially by governments or large companies? (7) 13 Which serious bacterial disease of sheep and cattle that typically affects the skin and lungs, can be transmitted to humans? (7) 15 Which plant is the national emblem of Scotland? (7) 16 Hang On Sloopy, in 1965, was the only British top 10 hit single for which American band? (6) 17 What was the surname of the English romantic poet whose most notable works were Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage and Don Juan? (5) 19 In which television comedy series did Ronnie Corbett play librarian Timothy Lumsden? (5) 21/20 Which British comedian starred in the films Oh Mr Porter (1938), Ask a Policeman (1939) and My Learned Friend (1944)? (4,3)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH EL FUTBOL – FOOTBALL Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

1. What film won the best picture Oscar in 1967? 2. What was Clint Eastwood's first film as a director? 3. Who sang the title song in the film 'Grease'? 4. Which short sighted cartoon character had a nephew named Waldo? 5. Cheers exterior shots featured a real bar, what was it's name? 6. What actor links Von Ryan's Express and The Magnificent Seven? 7. Which film star used to be a circus acrobat? 8. In the 'wacky races' what were the gang of criminals called? 9. Ruby Stevens became famous using what name? 10. Mapother IV is the real surname of what film star? 11. Reginald Carey became famous using what stage name? 12. James Leblanche Stewart became famous under what name? 13. Maurice Micklewhite became famous as who? 14. Who starred as the Six Million Dollar Man? 15. Tracey and Hepburn's first film in 1942 was what? 1. In the heat of the night 2. Play Misty for Me 3. Frankie Valli 4. Mr Magoo 5. Bull & Finch 6. Brad Dexter 7. Burt Lancaster 8. The Ant Hill Mob 9. Barbara Stanwyck 10. Tom Cruise 11. Rex Harrison 12. Stewart Granger 13. Michael Caine 14. Lee Majors 15. Woman of the Year

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 1 Scrabble, 7 Frame, 8 Annie Hall, 9 Ace, 10 Toon, 11/21 Helmut Kohl, 13 Renato, 14 Snails, 17/13D Salman Rushdie, 18 Karl, 20 Hal, 22 Economics, 23 Invar, 24 Berliner. Down: 1 Shaft, 2 Rangoon, 3 Baez, 4 Loaves, 5 Rabat, 6 Genesis, 7 Fleming, 12 Stalker, 15 Italian, 16 Salome, 17 Slave, 19 Laser.

chutar

la copa

el vestuario

los delanteros

la seleccion

el resultado

el arbitro

la junta

empatar

marcar

la temporada

el rival

el campeonato

la liga

ganarlos defen-

patrocinar

sores

el trofeo

el entrenador

a quiniela

Match the English and Spanish names of fruit and vegetables. You will find the answers at the bottom of the page. i.the committee, j.to draw, 16.chutar, 17.marcar, 1.la selección, 2.la junta, 18.la quiniela, 19.empatar, k.to shoot, l.to sponsor, 3.el entrenador, m.the trainer, 20.ganar. 4.el arbitro, 5.el vestuario, n.the referee, o.to score, 6.el campeonato, 7.la liga, p.the season, q.the score, a.the changing room, 8.la copa, 9.el trofeo , r.the championship, b.the trophy, 10.el rival, 11.el resultado, c.the forwards, d.the pools, s.the cup, t.the league. 12.patrocinar, e.to win, f.the team, 13.la temporada, g.the opponent, 14.los delanteros, h.the defenders, 15.los defensores,

Answers: 1f, 2i, 3m, 4n, 5a, 6r, 7t, 8s, 9b, 10g, 11q, 12l, 13p, 14c, 15h, 16k, 17o, 18d, 19j, 20e.

MOVIES / TV QUIZ

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Soduko

Span - Eng

Quizword

Fill It In

Friday, April 6, 2012

THE SPANISH PRESS

SPAIN’S MOOD FITS A SOMBRE PARADE EASTER’S sombre processions may be a good gauge of the mood of most Spaniards following last week’s general strike - and the depressing news about the Spanish economy.

Hood Friday... Easter in Madrid

Just prove it, retorts Spain over African sea deaths El País

A SPANISH sea captain has been accused of ignoring a distress call to rescue 63 African migrants adrift in the Mediterranean. The Spanish government has challenged a claim by NATO that the alliance forwarded a distress call to a nearby Spanish warship that might have saved the lives of the migrants. It said that if there was such a message, NATO should be able to "prove it". A total of 72 sub-Saharan refugees were drifting in the sea for two weeks. All but nine died of thirst and starvation. This was despite them being located by European authorities and distress calls being broadcast to all ships in the area. The report by the Council of Europe blamed a collective set of "human, institutional and legal" failures for the inaction and labelled it a "dark day for Europe". It concluded that the large loss of life could have been avoided if the variTHANKS to the success of a Bollywood film in which ous agencies in the area – THE average electricity the stars visit Spain, the number of Indian tourists to Nato, its warships, the Italian bill in Spain has gone up Spain has shot up in just six months. by over 30 euros a month in coastguard and individual Spain's Ministry of Tourism recorded over 53,000 the past five years. In April European states – had fulIndian arrivals, showing a growth of 35 per cent in the 2007 the average monthly bill filled their basic obligations. first half of 2011. This year, Spain expects to receive was 45.59 euros, compared The Spanish Ministry of with 73.99 euros this month. more than 56 million global tourists. Defence said that if they had “Spain is the big mover this year, thanks to its Friday’s budget saw electricibeen aware of the migrant ty prices hiked by 7% and Tourism Board's big investment in the Indian market boat’s plight, Spanish forces gas by 5% as the govern- and also because of the film, which has been exten- would have moved quickly to ment cut subsidies it says sively shot in that country,” said Mr Shravan Gupta, effect a rescue. Managing Director, Travel Tours. Spain can no longer afford. "If [any notification] was “Thanks to the movie, our clients are even enquiring sent then there must be a about the Tomatina festival and bull run.” The movie's popularity has spurred interest in spe- record ... so if NATO says cific destinations such as Costa Brava, Seville, there was a message, then it Pamplona, Barcelona and Valencia that were featured should be able to prove it." se. e of making a purcha eas a Nato said it did not have in tors ed fac us ear ero app at num ain has in the movie, said Mr Frederick Divecha, Head Tour McMahon said he looks THE Murcia region of Sp ts in any further information on ing the Operating B2C, Kuoni India. rke lud ma inc ty per ex, ind pro t his bes er global index of the when putting togeth McMahon compiled reciation, rental income The Consumer office of Murcia has registered a the matter. which to invest. Ronan potential for capital app put , ine e in each gaz hom International Federation of ma a ing ing Liv buy al of ts tion cos rna l total of 39,771 reclamations over the past 15 the list for Inte and the genera perty investors may months, most of which have been against mobile Human Rights lawyers have tion in 22nd place out ting the Spanish destina place. One reason pro rcia is the keep an eye on Mu phone companies, followed by land line phone compa- said they will launch criminal of 27 locations. hly on the want to struction on hig con red h sco wit k, rcia par Mu me in the t oun nies and electrical suppliers. Most of the complaints lawsuits against those they ram Real estate Pa of - receiving 85 out start later this year. to ney ed mo ect for exp ue t val jec pro tric have been about consumers being charged for servic- believe responsible for ignorme the well in terms of the ing the migrants' plight. 100 - while it also ranked es they have not used nor asked for. Even the weather seems to have joined ranks and threatens rain, which will lead to cancellation of the processions in many big cities as water will damage the delicate wood of the antique statues that are carried out of the churches once a year as part of the Easter processions. Andalusia usually hosts the most spectacular and emotional events marking the Passion and resurrection of Christ. Organised by religious groups (cofradías) and brotherhoods (hermandades) that date back hundreds of years, the processions see ornate and historic sculptures of Christ and the mourning Virgin Mary carried through the streets on heavy floats (pasos) — often weighing over a ton — by their members. Alongside them walk the Nazarenes, members of the same groups, in their cloaks and traditional pointed hoods. During the small hours of Good Friday morning in Seville, the Hermandad de la Esperanza Macarena, the biggest brotherhood in the city, will take out the famous Virgen de la Macarena for an epic 13-hour tour, while the Hermandad de la Esperanza de Triana will carry the similarly loved La Virgen de La Esperanza de Triana. They are followed in the evening by the processions of the La O and El Cachorro brotherhoods, dating from the 16th and 17th centuries. The parades of La Trinidad and Santo Entierro brotherhoods are two of the most popular on Easter Saturday, while the Hermandad de La Resurrección, the only procession on Easter Sunday, brings things to a close in the Andalusian capital. Málaga also sees big crowds. Last year Hollywood actor and local boy Antonio Banderas (pictured above) headed the procession of the Virgen de Lágrimas y Favores on Palm Sunday.

India’s taste of Spain is Bolly good tourism

t o p ts o h t n e tm s e v in is Murcia

Friday, April 6, 2012

TRELI ON THE TELLY PERHAPS it was because James Cameron raised the special-effects bar so high in his movie, but I’m afraid ITV1’s serialisation of Titanic has failed to float my particular boat. Even the iceberg, which appeared just small enough to put into a tumbler of gin and tonic, lacked any sort of personality. Having said that, it meant that it blended in well with a bunch of clichéd cardboard characters who meandered aimlessly round the screen with some cheap lines that writer Julian Fellowes had wisely not bothered with in his brilliant Downton Abbey. The format of telling the story of the disaster from different perspectives was anything but obvious until the end of the first episode, by which time I wanted the whole cast to sink to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Too many people were flung at us too quickly in the opener, as well as in Sunday night’s second episode (which was better), for me to care a jot about their fates. I also think it might possibly have benefited had it been run in a longer format, say over 90 minutes, and over consecutive nights. It was all a damp squib, especially its claim to being one of

with ALEX TRELINSKI the most expensive dramas made for UK television. I’m afraid money is not the most important factor in making a great programme, and the BBC has cheekily proved that. I was totally enthralled by the first of their Friday night mini-series of documentaries about the Titanic, presented by Len Goodman. The Strictly judge was an excellent host as he fronted a series of moving tales about the effects of the disaster. I never knew that it had such a massive impact on Southampton, with so many of the crew coming from there. It was a story well told, which made me genuinely emotional, as opposed to the dramatised codswallop ITV have inflicted upon us. In total contrast, the fantastic Mad Men is back on

Titanic cheapo leaves me cold

Sky Atlantic, with its Spanish return on Canal Plus next month. What a glorious feast of writing, acting and production this is. Every single line in this series, set in a 60s advertising agency in New York, has a real purpose behind it. We get a true flavour of some of the outrageous attitudes towards women and ethnic minorities at the time, as well as the sheer greed and selfishness of most of the characters. Every cast member delivers big-time, and it’s made a star of Jon Hamm, who plays Don Draper, with his second marriage certain to end in a bad place! Some critics say this might be the greatestever TV drama series, and while it’s close to impossible to give any show that particular plaudit, it has started its fifth series at a blistering

Titanic... cardboard characters

STRAW DOGS 18 Straw Dogs is a nasty, demented picture that isn't afraid to get its hands dirty; therefore, it is ten times the film the 1971 original was. The original film made by esteemed director Sam Peckinpah stirred up plenty of controversy due to its highamount of violence. Peckinpah crafted a violent masterpiece that shocked many viewers across the nation. Forty years later, Rod Lurie is taking a crack at re-creating the ultrashock and making it twice as brutal as it was before.

The idea of Straw Dogs is mad and something any man can encounter once reached to a certain degree. Straw Dogs is a more of a "push my buttons" than a "how far will you go?" kind of movie. Throughout the entire film, we're graced with watching the changes between both main characters due to the "straw dog" locals pushing them to their limit. It starts off with just a few mishaps,

pace and I’ve not seen even a mediocre episode. There seems to be a bit of mood amongst American TV executives to concoct a show that offers a fantasy element, blended in with modern times. Take Grimm, which is on the UK Channel Watch and Spain’s Calle 13 at the moment. A detective who is a distant relative of the Grimm family (as in the fairy tales). So we get a weekly murder with a similarity to the old bedtime yarns, as well as a baddy who wants to get rid of him. Despite the nice idea, it got rather tedious for me after just three episodes, but surprisingly it has been picked up for a second series next year, despite very average audience ratings in the States. Miles better in the fantasy league is Once Upon a Time, which premiered on Channel 5 on Sunday. This had an intriguing opener with Robert Carlyle totally stealing the show (albeit in just two minutes of screen time) as Rumplestiltskin and Mr.Gold. Jennifer Morrison, who you’ll remember as a doctor on House, stars as Emma, a bail-bond collector who is reunited with her young adopted son, who has all kinds of amazing revelations to tell her. So we get ourselves a fantasy parallel story, where Emma is actually the daugh-

CAST: James Marsden, Kate Bosworth, Alexander Skarsgård, James Woods DIRECTOR: Rod Lurie RATING: 4/5 RUNNING TIME: 110 min. but soon turns violent and far across the line. The film focuses on a Hollywood screenwriter and his beautiful wife who decide to live in her hometown, where the writer believes he will be able to focus on his new project and remain undisturbed. When the wife's old high-school boyfriend is hired to fix up the couple's roof with his large posse of idiot rednecks, the games

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begin. At first, in the first hour or so, Straw Dogs takes its time leading up the shocking, brutal conclusion the audience is suspecting thanks to the trailer. Even though you know it’s coming, it’s interesting to see the vast changes in the main character and what exactly gets him to that breaking point. Straw Dogs is an enjoyable, tense, and inhumane killer-of-a-thriller that might just be the most vicious film of the year. It's a must-see.

Intriguing opener... Once Upon a Time with Robert Carlyle

ter of Snow White, and all the fairytale characters have been sent by the Wicked Queen in a curse to live in a quiet American town! I thought the first episode showed a lot of promise, but that was also the case with Grimm, and I lost interest in that very quickly. That’s been the problem for so many new American shows in this season - that a promising opener has failed to deliver over a series. Alcatraz is a good example of this, last week’s final episode in the States having only half the viewers who watched the first programme. And that, incidentally, was substantially lower than for the final story of Terra Nova, which was axed last month, despite big international sales.

Thank heavens that Homeland on Channel Four has lived up to the hype, with some surprisingly good UK viewing figures plus a second series to look forward to. And finally, what a strange way to treat a landmark programme. I’m talking about The Weakest Link, which bowed out with a farewell show dumped in the middle of BBC1’s Saturday afternoon schedule. After 12 years, Anne Robinson and the team deserved a lot better, with say a prime-time celebrity edition and a walk down memory lane. I still love my old employer to bits, but the Beeb really can be stupid, brainless or heartless at times - and this is a classic example of all three.

Friday April 6 00:35 Small Time Crooks 02:05 Skiing Weatherview 02:10 Panorama 02:40 Countryfile 03:40 Orbit: Earth's Extraordinary Journey 04:40 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 Animal 24:7 10:45 Homes Under the Hammer 11:45 My Worst Deal 12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:00 The Preston Passion 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:05 Regional News and Weather 14:15 National Treasure: Book of Secrets 16:10 Cars 18:00 Match of the Day Live 20:25 BBC News 20:45 Regional News Programmes 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Titanic with Len Goodman 22:00 Land of the Lost Wolves 23:00 BBC News 23:10 Regional News and Weather 23:20 New Tricks

00:20 01:20 02:00 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 07:00 07:10 07:20 07:35 07:45 07:50

Modern Spies Medium Medium Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Close Harry and Toto Lunar Jim Raa Raa the Noisy Lion Chuggington Dipdap Pinky Dinky Doo

08:00 08:30 08:45 08:55 09:00 09:20 09:30 09:35 09:45 09:50 10:00 10:05 10:20 10:30 10:35 10:40 10:55 11:20 11:25 11:30 11:40 12:00 12:30 14:15 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 Mouth 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 21:30 22:00 Past 23:00 23:30

Roar League of Super Evil Eliot Kid Newsround Bear Behaving Badly Shaun the Sheep Alphablocks Abadas Numtums Little Charley Bear Buzz and Tell Tinga Tinga Tales Driver Dan's Story Train Chuggington: Badge Quest Small Potatoes Andy's Wild Adventures Tree Fu Tom Zingzillas Zingbop Dipdap 64 Zoo Lane Waybuloo In the Night Garden The Gumball Rally Animal Park To Buy or Not to Buy Helicopter Heroes Flog It! Breakaway Put Your Money Where Your Is Just a Minute Eggheads Golf: The Masters Mastermind Gardeners' World Brick by Brick: Rebuilding Our Twenty Twelve QI XL

00:50 The Unforgettable 01:20 The Zone 03:20 Tonight 03:45 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:20 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 12:15 Murder, She Wrote 13:15 ITV News and Weather 13:30 Meridian News and Weather 13:35 The Planet's Funniest Animals 14:05 DragonHeart 16:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:30 The Planet's Funniest Animals 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Poms in Paradise 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Benidorm 23:00 This Is Lionel Richie

00:05 Embarrassing Bodies 01:10 The Undateables 02:10 Love Rat 02:35 The Perfect Murder 03:05 The Real Dr Crippen 04:00 Portrait of a Young Man Drowning 04:15 Drifting 04:30 The Bible: A History 05:25 Time Team 06:20 Countdown 07:05 Sali Mali 07:10 The Treacle People 07:20 The Hoobs 07:45 The Hoobs 08:15 Freshly Squeezed 08:40 According to Jim 09:05 According to Jim 09:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:05 Frasier 10:40 King of Kings 13:45 The Searchers 16:05 Channel 4 Presents 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 4thought.tv 20:35 Marrying Prince Harry 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 The Million Pound Drop Live 23:30 Rude Tube

THE MILLON POUND DROP LIVE Davina McCall presents the quiz show in which contestants can win ÂŁ1million. They are challenged to place large quantities of the cash over trapdoors and face a series of questions, the wrong answers to which will lose them money every time they slip up. Celebrity pairs also compete for their chosen charities during the series.

Horoscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 Every part of your body will cry out in pain today, although there is no explanation as to why this should be. Find yourself someone to settle down with today. Don't be choosy - just pick at random. If random fails, go for whoever doesn't violently sick-up on your clothing. Any film you watch over the coming weekend will stay with you forever. Please ensure the film is not Tomb Raider.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 The more money you get this month, the more you realise you should be doing something more constructive with it. Cartoons will flavour the day for you, today, giving you ideas and humour. With all you've been through you should be glad that this week will actually come to a close. Your appetites for love are not dampened by the loss of a limb...but your partner's might be.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 The heavens are unpredictable for laymen, yet I am truly the seer or seers. Bow before me and tremble in fear that my wrath may cause you stubbed-toes. The best of excuses are those that are plausible (so, not ones that involve you, super-powers and hordes of sexy friends). Life and Death - bedfellows, perhaps, they are certainly close. You'd better hope that they don't get start to get you involved in a menage a trois.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 Spank yourself silly today because you're been VERY VERY bad. All the things you're unsure of will almost certainly remain enigmatic by the end of the day. You are trapped in a cave with a panther and a sound system playing Michael Bolton's greatest hits. What do you do? Laughter will help you today, especially if you want to avoid crying.

01:00 Inside Hollywood 01:05 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 HouseBusters 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Little Princess 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with Gabby 13:20 5 News Lunchtime 13:25 Meerkat Manor 13:55 Home and Away 14:25 Neighbours 14:55 NCIS 15:50 High Society 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 Inside Hollywood 19:35 Ultimate Police Interceptors 20:00 Rory McGrath's Pub Dig 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Castle

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 Jamborees often spell the end of the tight-rope that you often climb when in need of comfort from certain danger. Avoid low-level lighting this week, and any power lines that you might have to pass under on the way to work. What you hear and what was said may differ today, so be aware of either your failing hearing or your increasing hatred of those talking to you.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Today is going to be like most days, certainly in terms of its length and the frequency of sun-rises to sun-sets. Your appetites may increase today as the doctors finally remove the scissors they left inside you during your last operation. Feeling locked up when you're in an open park is a sure sign that you're slightly claustrophobic. This horoscope was brought to you in association with the bloody obvious.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Your tendencies may get you into trouble today. Or it might just be a day like every other day. Hope will always get you through your problems. Yes, "hope" your doctor is mistaken or misinformed about your unforunate predicament. Night terrors will plague you throughout this month and you may feel that people, both living and dead, are out to get you.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 "Deliver us from evil" they said. Perhaps this week would be a good time to start living as though this were possible. This horoscope is brought to you in association with your upcoming incredibly bad luck. There is no need to be afraid, today. Tomorrow is the time for all your fears to be played out in one condensed package.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Avoid happy thoughts, they'll only bring you down with a crash. Many things that people say over the coming days will appear nonsensical, but may start to make sense towards the end of the week. Today might see a need for you to call attention to yourself, and we're always happy to recommend faxing semi-nude pictures of yourself to random numbers.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 This week is going to be a series of ups and downs. Mostly downs, but also mostly ups. People will today start to resent your annoying habit of repeating the last funny thing said and then laughing. Everything will go wrong today. Including this horoscope. Paper with little squiggles on it will find its way into your pocket today.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 "For Topical Application Only" - words which might cause you grave concern over the coming days. Although your faults are easy enough to see, you must really make an effort today to let people truly understand the depth of your problems. Fault for your situation can be accredited to anyone you wish - go nuts!

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Bowie is like you are: gentile, robust, always ready to pop back in the charts by providing backing vocals to pretty much any old schmuck. The similarities between you and Bowie are pretty much endless. Many of your emotions have been plagiarised by others who have no idea how you feel. NO IDEA I TELLS YA!

Saturday April 7 00:20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:30 EastEnders 02:25 Weatherview 02:30 Natural World 03:30 Antiques Road Trip 04:15 Britain's First Photo Album 04:45 Newswatch 05:00 BBC News 05:30 On the Road With 06:00 BBC News 06:30 Our World 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Football Focus 14:00 Rowing: The Boat Race 16:05 Golf: The Masters 17:20 Final Score 18:15 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:35 Shrek 20:00 The Voice UK 21:20 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 22:10 Casualty 23:00 BBC News; Weather 23:20 Match of the Day

00:15 02:30 04:05 04:30 04:45

Minority Report Heaven BBC News Click Close

07:00 Harry and Toto 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Gastronuts 08:30 Dennis and Gnasher 08:40 The Scooby-Doo Show 09:05 Pixelface 09:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 10:00 The Slammer 10:30 The Ministry of Curious Stuff 11:00 Animals at Work 11:30 Splatalot 12:00 Hacker Time 12:25 OOglies 12:40 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 The Sky at Night 13:20 Road to Rio 15:00 Bringing Up Baby 16:35 Escape to the Country 17:05 Flog It! 18:05 Easter from King's 2012 Passiontide to Easter 19:20 Dad's Army 19:50 Natural World 20:40 Timewatch 21:30 Golf: The Masters

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:14 Meridian Weather 00:15 Miami Vice 02:30 The Zone 03:40 Closing the Ring 05:35 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 12:20 The Real Housewives of New York City 13:20 Murder, She Wrote 14:20 ITV News and Weather 14:24 Meridian Weather 14:25 The Planet's Funniest Animals 14:55 The Secret of My Success 16:55 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory 18:45 Meridian News and Weather 19:00 ITV News and Weather 19:15 Keith Lemon's LemonAid 20:00 All New You've Been Framed! 20:30 Harry Hill's TV Burp 21:00 Britain's Got Talent 22:15 Take Me Out 23:45 ITV News and Weather 23:59 Meridian Weather

THE VOICE UK Holly Willoughby and Reggie Yates invite another set of hopeful singers to perform for the coaches - Tom Jones, Jessie J, Will.i.am and Danny O'Donoghue who sit with their backs to the auditionees and only face them if they hear something they like, offering them a place on their team in the process. At stake is a recording contract - but there are several more tough rounds to sing their way though first.

00:35 The Mad Bad Ad Show 01:25 jackass 2.5 02:45 Nurse Betty 04:35 Random Acts 04:40 My Name Is Earl 05:05 My Name Is Earl 05:25 Mesh 05:30 Privileged 06:10 Countdown 06:55 The Treacle People 07:05 The Hoobs 07:30 The Hoobs 08:00 The Grid 08:25 MSA British Rallycross Championship 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Koko Pop 10:25 Olly Murs: The Album Chart Show Special 10:55 Made in Chelsea 11:55 Charlie's Angels 12:55 The Big Bang Theory 13:20 The Big Bang Theory 13:50 The Simpsons 14:25 The Simpsons 14:55 Channel 4 Racing 17:05 Come Dine with Me 19:40 Channel 4 News 20:10 4thought.tv 20:15 Deal or No Deal 21:10 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 22:10 The Million Pound Drop Live 23:45 Showgirls

00:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 00:55 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Motorsport Mundial 05:25 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 HouseBusters 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:15 City of Friends 07:25 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:40 Castle Farm 07:45 Igam Ogam 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:15 Family! 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 Mio Mao 08:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:55 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 11:00 Animal Rescue Squad 11:15 Meerkat Manor 11:45 Holiday Heaven on Earth 12:15 Ultimate Police Interceptors 13:15 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 14:15 Rory McGrath's Pub Dig 15:20 Ambush at Tomahawk Gap 16:45 War Arrow 18:20 Two Mules for Sister Sara 20:10 5 News Weekend 20:15 NCIS 21:05 NCIS 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: NY 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Sunday April 8 00:50 The Football League Show 02:20 Weatherview 02:25 Newsday 02:30 The Bottom Line 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Dateline London 04:00 BBC News 04:30 British Olympic Dreams 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Click 06:00 BBC News 06:30 The Record Europe 07:00 Breakfast 08:30 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 Easter Day Eucharist from Coventry Cathedral 12:00 Urbi et Orbi 12:35 Country Tracks 12:35 Weather for the Week Ahead 13:35 Escape to the Country 14:35 BBC News 14:45 Human Planet 15:45 Wallace & Gromit: A Grand Day Out 16:10 Mary Poppins 18:25 Songs of Praise 19:00 Titanic with Len Goodman 19:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Silent Witness 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

01:00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme 01:30 Repo Chick 02:55 Close 07:00 Harry and Toto 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:30 Chuggington 07:40 Let's Celebrate 08:00 Gastronuts 08:30 Dennis and Gnasher 08:40 The Owl 08:40 The Scooby-Doo Show 09:05 Paradise Cafe 09:30 Wingin' It 09:55 The Horrible Histories Big Prom Party 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:35 Great British Menu 13:35 A Distant Trumpet 15:30 Cycling 18:00 The Many Faces of Dame Judi Dench 19:00 Frozen Planet 20:00 Golf: The Masters

00:00 01:40 04:00 04:45 06:30 07:00 08:25 10:25 10:30 11:30 12:30 13:30 13:34 13:35 14:50 15:15 15:45 16:45 19:00 19:15 19:30 20:30 22:00 23:00 23:14 23:15 Spike

Magicians ITV News Headlines In Plain Sight ITV Nightscreen ITV Morning News Mini CITV CITV ITV News Ade in Britain May the Best House Win Matt Cardle: Into the Light ITV News and Weather Meridian Weather Britain's Got Talent The Planet's Funniest Animals The Planet's Funniest Animals This Is Lionel Richie The Mummy Meridian News and Weather ITV News and Weather All Star Family Fortunes The One & Only Des O'Connor Titanic ITV News at Ten and Weather Meridian Weather Perspectives: Sergeant on

CELEBRITY DEAL OR NO DEAL New series. Jimmy Carr is the first contestant to take part in this celebrity edition of the game show, which sees famous faces battling with the Banker and trying to guess the value of mystery boxes to win up to ÂŁ250,000 for their chosen charities. Hosted by Noel Edmonds.

02:20 A Scanner Darkly 04:00 The Moonbird 04:15 The Tannery 04:25 Franklin & Bash 05:05 Privileged 05:50 90210 06:30 Countdown 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Road to London 2012: That Paralympic Show 08:35 Channel 4 Presents 08:40 Sailing 09:05 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Sunday Brunch 13:00 The Big Bang Theory 13:30 The Big Bang Theory 13:55 The Big Bang Theory 14:25 The Simpsons 14:55 The Simpsons 15:30 Doctor Dolittle 17:05 Time Team 18:10 Channel 4 News 18:15 4thought.tv 18:20 Come Dine with Me 19:20 Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeakquel 21:00 Celebrity Deal or No Deal 22:00 Homeland 23:00 Crucifixion

00:50 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Great Scientists 05:20 Great Scientists 05:45 Rough Guide to Adventures 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:15 City of Friends 07:25 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:00 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Thomas & Friends 09:15 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 11:00 High School Musical 3: Senior Year 13:05 London: The Inside Story 14:05 Lawrence of Arabia 18:15 5 News Weekend 18:20 Toy Story 20:00 William and Kate: One Year On 21:00 Once Upon a Time 22:00 Blade II

Monday April 9 00:25 MotoGP 01:55 Weatherview 02:00 The Diamond Queen 03:00 Holby City 04:00 A History of Ancient Britain 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 Animal 24:7 10:45 Homes Under the Hammer 11:45 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:15 Regional News and Weather 14:25 Antz 15:40 Flushed Away 17:00 Wallace & Gromit: The Wrong Trousers 17:30 Final Score 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:15 Regional News Programmes 19:30 Titanic with Len Goodman 20:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 A Question of Sport 22:00 Silent Witness 23:00 BBC News 23:10 Regional News and Weather 23:20 Match of the Day

01:00 01:30 02:50 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 05:00 07:00 07:10 07:20 07:35 07:45 07:50

Twenty Twelve Deadline Our World Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today The Super League Show Close Harry and Toto Lunar Jim Timmy Time Chuggington Dipdap Pinky Dinky Doo

08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 Funny Girl 14:50 The Way We Were 16:45 Helicopter Heroes 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Chaplains: Angels of Mersey 21:30 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 22:00 Modern Spies 23:00 Simon Amstell: Do Nothing Live

00:15 01:10 01:10 03:30 04:25 06:30 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:20 12:15 13:15 14:15 14:25 14:30 15:00 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:15 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 21:30 22:00 23:00

The Cube ITV News Headlines The Zone River Monsters ITV Nightscreen ITV Morning News Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show USA The Jeremy Kyle Show USA Murder, She Wrote 60 Minute Makeover ITV News and Weather Meridian News and Weather You've Been Framed! Midsomer Murders The Great British Taste Tour The Chase Meridian Tonight ITV News and Weather Planet's Funniest Animals Emmerdale Coronation Street The Dales Coronation Street Scott & Bailey Kelly & Her Sisters Grow Up

GREAT BRITISH MENU New series. Chefs compete for the opportunity to cook at an Olympic banquet hosted by Steve Redgrave. The contest begins in Scotland, where returning contestant Alan Murchison takes on newcomers Colin Buchan and Mark Greenaway to prepare the ideal starter for the sporting feast. Dishes include duck terrine and pineapple, braised pork cheek with sea buckthorn and hot apple jelly, and smoked pigeon breast and heart

00:20 Lake Placid 02:00 21 Grams 04:00 The Lobster Club 04:05 Crash, Bang, Wallow 04:10 Hollyoaks 06:20 Countdown 07:05 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 11:30 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Ben-Hur 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Inside Nature's Giants 22:00 Embarrassing Bodies 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

00:00 The Hard Corps 02:10 SuperCasino 04:55 UEFA Europa League Football 05:50 Rough Guide to Short Breaks 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:05 5 News Lunchtime 13:10 Meerkat Manor 13:40 Home and Away 14:10 Neighbours 14:40 The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 Inside Hollywood 19:35 Monkey Life 20:00 Cowboy Traders 21:00 Ultimate Police Interceptors 22:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 23:00 Outlaw

Tuesday April 10 00:35 01:50 01:55 02:55 03:55 04:25 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:30 06:00 06:30 06:45 07:00 10:15 11:00 11:58 12:00 12:45 13:13 13:15 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:05 16:35 17:00 17:30 18:00 18:15 19:00 19:30 19:55 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35

The Football League Show Weatherview The Diamond Queen To Boldly Go Britain's First Photo Album Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday HARDtalk BBC News World Business Report BBC News Breakfast Animal 24:7 Homes Under the Hammer BBC News; Weather Don't Get Done, Get Dom Cash in the Attic BBC News; Weather Bargain Hunt BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Escape to the Country BBC News; Weather Horrible Histories Diddy Dick & Dom All Over the Place The Owl Newsround Pointless BBC News Regional News Programmes Party Election Broadcast The One Show BBC News; Regional News Holby City The Syndicate BBC News Regional News and Weather The Matt Lucas Awards

00:00 01:00 02:30 04:00 04:25 07:00 07:10 07:20 07:35

The Story of Slapstick Gregory's Girl Blame It on Fidel Newsday Close Harry and Toto Lunar Jim Timmy Time Chuggington

07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:20 Louie 11:35 64 Zoo Lane 11:50 Waybuloo 12:10 In the Night Garden 12:40 Whistle down the Wind 14:15 Animal Park 15:15 To Buy or Not to Buy 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 The Hairy Bikers' Bakeation 22:00 Horizon 23:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 23:30 Newsnight

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:14 Meridian Weather 00:15 Mayday Mayday 00:45 Smugglers 01:40 The Zone 01:40 ITV News Headlines 03:35 Champions League Weekly 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 The Great British Taste Tour 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:25 Party Election Broadcast 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Countrywise Kitchen 21:00 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Celebrity 22:00 The Mighty Mississippi with Trevor McDonald 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Benidorm

THE MIGHTY MISSISSIPPI WITH TREVOR MCDONALD New series. The broadcaster embarks on a journey through the heart of America, following the course of its famous river, the Mississippi. He begins by exploring the legacy of slavery in the Deep South, and is invited to witness a jazz funeral, unique to New Orleans. He makes a poignant visit to rare surviving plantation slave-quarters and has an encounter with an alligator in America's largest swamp.

00:00 Homeland 01:00 Random Acts 01:05 Disasters at Sea: Why Ships Sink 02:10 Death Row 03:05 I {Heart} Huckabees 04:50 Franklin & Bash 05:35 St Elsewhere 06:20 Privileged 07:05 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 11:30 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Undercover Boss USA 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 How to Cook Like Heston 13:35 River Cottage Bites 13:55 Rear Window 16:05 Channel 4 Presents 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Supersize vs Superskinny 22:00 The Undateables 23:00 Facejacker 23:30 Hit the Road Jack

01:10 America's Toughest Prisons 02:10 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Wildlife SOS 05:45 Wildlife SOS 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 HouseBusters 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:30 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Charley Boorman's Extreme Frontiers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 Blue Smoke 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 21:00 Rory McGrath's Pub Dig 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: NY 23:55 CSI: Miami

Wednesday April 11 00:10 Kevin Bridges What's the Story? 00:40 The Estate 01:10 Waking Up in Reno 02:35 Weatherview 02:40 The Diamond Queen 03:40 The Apprentice 04:40 Antiques Road Trip 05:25 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Animal 24:7 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Horrible Histories 16:35 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:00 All Over the Place 17:30 Deadly Top 10 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Fake Britain 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 National Lottery Update

00:20 01:20 02:05 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:30

The Hidden Art of Islam Medium Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today The Super League Show Close

07:00 Harry and Toto 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 His Majesty O'Keefe 14:00 See Hear 14:30 Animal Park 15:15 To Buy or Not to Buy 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Our Food 22:00 Divine Women 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired 23:30 Newsnight 23:30 Weather

00:35 Ladette to Lady: Australia 01:30 ITV News Headlines 04:00 Crossing Jordan 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 The Great British Taste Tour 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:25 Party Election Broadcast 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 The Unforgettable 21:00 Foyle's War 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The One & Only Des O'Connor

THE APPRENTICE The teams open second-hand shops in London's East End, home to a thriving market in retro and refurbished household goods. Buying their stock from junk dealers, car-boot sales and auctions - and even rifling through rubbish bins - one set of contestants choose quality over quantity, seeking out a few choice items, while the others fill their shop with brica-brac which they hope to spruce up later.

00:05 Random Acts 00:10 Desperate Housewives 01:10 Poker 02:10 Channel 4 Presents 02:15 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:40 Sailing 03:10 MSA British Rallycross Championship 03:35 The Grid 04:05 Late Night Poker 05:00 FIA GT Championship 05:55 Just Not Cricket 06:00 Full Metal Challenge 07:00 Sali Mali 07:05 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Undercover Boss USA 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Channel 4 Presents 13:10 The Fabulous Baker Brothers 13:40 River Cottage Bites 13:50 The Man Who Knew Too Much 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Four Rooms 22:00 The Sinking of the Concordia: Caught on Camera 23:00 10 O'Clock Live 23:55 Strictly Baby Disco

00:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 01:50 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 HouseBusters 06:35 Nick's Quest 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:30 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Charley Boorman's Extreme Frontiers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 Mary Higgins Clark's Moonlight Becomes You 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Ultimate Police Interceptors 21:00 Cowboy Traders 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Thursday April 12 00:55 The Syndicate 01:55 Weatherview 02:00 See Hear 02:30 Watchdog 03:30 Orbit: Earth's Extraordinary Journey 04:30 Antiques Road Trip 05:15 Newsday 05:30 Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Animal 24:7 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Horrible Histories 16:35 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:00 All Over the Place 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 Ivory Wars: Out of Africa 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Who Do You Think You Are? US

00:20 01:30 02:15 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00

Little Dieter Needs to Fly Medium Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday

05:15 Close 07:00 Harry and Toto 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 Dipdap 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Tycoon 14:40 Racing from Aintree 17:30 Perfection 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Natural World 22:00 White Heat 23:00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

01:05 Road Warriors 02:00 The Zone 04:00 The Prince and the Pauper 06:05 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 The Great British Taste Tour 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:25 Party Election Broadcast 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Long Lost Family 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Take Me Out

LONG LOST FAMILY

Davina McCall and Nicky Campbell present the show aiming to help people reunite with long-lost relatives, beginning with the stories of two babies given up for adoption. Former professional rugby player Mark Appleson, 44, has spent more than a decade searching for his birth mother, while 71-year-old Stella Stanley is trying to find the daughter she last saw 50 years ago.

00:55 Random Acts 01:00 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:20 Rizzle Kicks: Live and Typical 01:55 Ladyhawke: London Live 02:10 Spotlight 02:25 4Play 02:35 4Play 02:45 Ibiza Rocks 03:10 The Crush 04:05 Live from Abbey Road 04:50 St Elsewhere 05:35 Privileged 06:15 Countdown 07:00 Sali Mali 07:05 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Undercover Boss USA 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 River Cottage 13:30 North by Northwest 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Four in a Bed 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Get Your House in Order 22:00 Peter Kay Live at the Bolton Albert Halls 23:00 Derek 23:35 The Inbetweeners

00:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 00:55 Poker: The Big Game 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 House Doctor 05:20 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Nick's Quest 06:35 Nick's Quest 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Milkshake! Monkey 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:35 Roary the Racing Car 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Charley Boorman's Extreme Frontiers 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 The Memory Keeper's Daughter 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Holiday Heaven on Earth 20:30 5 News Update 21:00 The True Story 22:00 The Perfect Storm

Friday, April 6, 2012

ACCOUNTANTS Are you running a business? Let us simplify things for you – accountancy, taxes, payroll services and more. We cater for companies and individuals. Established in 1984 on the Costa Blanca. Call us on 966 923 963 for your first consultation free of charge.

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am. Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276. Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3. Pilar de la Horadada. Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer. Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information contact Pilar ChristianCommunity Church@gmail.com or contact Reverend Eddie on 966

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AWNINGS AND BLINDS

PROPERTY MANAGEMENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 TipTop Villa Care, for all your property needs. Meet and Greets. Cleaning. Holiday and Long Term Rentals. Advertising. Baby Equipment Hire. www.tiptopvillacare.com e-mail linda@tiptopvillacare .com Tel 667848582 (60)

Linda 968566011 Mob. 667848582 Linda@tiptopvillacare.co.uk

PROPERTY FOR RENT Santiago de la Ribera, 3 bedroom house, larger than average, south facing, UK TV and internet available. Near Wednesday market and beach, Tel Linda 667848582

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LONG TERM RENTALS WANTED Los Alcazares, San Javier, Furnished/unfurnished, 3 bedroom houses for long term rental, immediate tenants waiting. Call

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ROLDAN LARGE DETACHED VILLA opposite parkland. Near to town centre and schools. Ideal for La Torre Golf Resort and Kings

College. linda@tiptopvillacare.com or call Tel 667848582 www.tiptopvillacare.com (60) FORMENTERA de la SEGURA. NEAR ROJALES. Sunny and Bright 2 bedroom apartment. Large Terrace with BBQ. Walking distance to Town Centre 350€/mth* Linda 667848582 (60) Luxury appartments, 2/3 bedrooms in San Miguel De Salinas. Floor heating, Elevator, Roof terrace with

HEADLAMPS

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Torrevieja (Mar Azul). The Apartment is in walking distance of the excellent beaches and a good selection of restaurants, shops and bars. €425PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, Well situated studio apartment in San Luis. The property has a balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Close to all shops and amenities, on a local bus route & 10 minutes from the beach. €250PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. 702, A lovely 2 bedroom apartment in a quiet area of Torrevieja yet within walking distance to local beaches and amenities. It’s also less than an hour’s drive from both Alicante and Murcia San Javier Airports. €400PCM Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR SALE Excellent cover for your house and home, includes travel assistance for when you go away. Interesting prices for expats; policies available in English or German. Call 966 923 963 for a quote REDUCED Ground floor Duplex in Puerto Marino, Gran Alacant. Now only 99,500 euros. 2 bed, 1 bath, fully furnished Central heating, glazed galleria, grills, Mozzie nets, front garden, com pools, Private gated

RE-REGISTRATION

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DAMP PROOFING

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Friday, April 6, 2012

Greenside Gossip IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

US MASTERS: A TEST ABOVE THE NORM THE US Masters in Augusta this week represents a gathering of golfing clans, both here and in front of TVs around the world.

the eighth, but Faldo sank an 18-footer for birdie. Lead – Down and out: three shots. At the ninth, Nick missed a Greg Norman The first Major of the year is an annual rebirth of the game for many, and the first chance for eight months to bag a place after his 1996 30-foot birdie putt for a birdie...only for Norman to fail in the history books for the players. It also herald the beginlast-round with a seven-footer for par. ning of the professional golfing season. disaster Lead – two shots. Looking out over the "lovely monster", as Peter Alliss The next three holes were describes it, on Monday morning, it’s not hard to see why Ian to change all that had gone Woosnam rates it as the golf course he would play in heaven. before. At the tenth Greg For many, just setting foot on the grounds is nirvana. Norman missed a ten foot But now that the sport is a year-round activity, with it come putt for par and his lead was loads of stories and the resurrection of the “might have now just one solitary shot. been”. Lead – one shot. Like the fall of Rory McIlroy, when he was one shot ahead He then missed a short playing the 10th and then put his ball into someone’s garden. three-footer at the eleventh And, going back to 1986, for par. ALL SQUARE. when Seve Ballesteros put The 12th was to cause the his ball in the water on the biggest swing when Norman 15th, to blow his chances of put his ball into the water and winning his third Masters. finished with a double bogey. For me, the most notorious the lead was back to two failing at Augusta involved shots... but now in favour of the ‘White Shark’ himself, Faldo. Four successive pars Aussie Greg Norman. had gained him five shots on Let’s look at his unusual his rival. ways of finishing second ... When Norman hooked a AUGUSTA, GEORGIA shot into the lake and regisApril 1987 tered another double-bogey NORMAN had tied on 285 at the 16th, it was all but with Seve Ballesteros and over. And Faldo extended his Larry Mize after an exciting Europe’s US Masters winners - from left, Sandy Lyle, Bernhard Langer, lead to five at 18 with a 20last round which saw half a foot putt for birdie after being Ian Woosnam, Jose Maria Olazabal, Seve Ballesteros and Nick Faldo dozen players in contention. in a bunker. His closest rival was Nick Mize looked the least likely missed his return putt, so wedge and dropped his shot After hugging his caddy to win, but he birdied the 18th Mize and Norman went to the a yard or two in front of the Faldo, who had won back-to- Fanny Sunesson , the green so that it didn’t run too back Masters in 1989 and Englishman went over to from eight feet and ended 11th tee without him. Norman hit his drive 25 quickly. The ball bounced 1990; Norman had still had to Norman and said: “I don’t three under par. Seve, playing behind Mize, ensured the yards further than Mize, across the green, and the win a Major in the USA. know what to say to you, I same score with a par at the whose second was a poor crowd’s voices rose into a And now Norman, at 13 just want to give you a hug.”. five-iron which left his ball roar as it dropped into the below par, was surely des18th. There may not have been Norman went to the 18th over 40 yards from the hole, hole. Mize jumped so high tined to be a Master at last. miraculous shots like Mize, green three under par after a and to the right. Norman that, as he put it later, he On the first tee, he hit his but Faldo’s superb 67 on birdie at the 17th. He was left aimed for the safe part of the could have dunked a basket- drive into the trees, then sent that final day made him a with a 22-foot putt for the green, slightly right of the ball. Norman’s putt broke his second shot into a bunker worthy Masters winner. The lead. He hit his putt well and hole, where he knew he away from the hole...and for a bogey. Lead – five green jacket had eluded was sure it was in - he could could get down in two putts. Mize’s freak shot had won shots. Greg yet again. His ball came to rest 40 feet the 1987 US Masters. feel it was in. But it wasn’t. Both players made birdies I am not going to fall into It was after 6pm when from the hole. on the second and pars on the trap of forecasting a winAUGUSTA, GEORGIA The difference between 40 Ballesteros, Mize and the third. Norman then went ner this weekend but I do April 1996 Norman went to the tenth tee feet (Norman) and 140 feet The second Masters heart- over the green at the fourth have some thoughts that it to start their play-off. All three (Mize) looked like the US break for the White Shark and dropped a shot. Lead – could be a European – it’ players hit the green in two, Masters title. Mize had to go came after his first round 63 four shots. happened six times with and three balls sat within 20 up and over a crest - and on equalled the course record With Faldo dropping a shot Seve Ballesteros opening the feet of the hole awaiting a very fast green, the betting and gave him a two-stroke at the fifth, the lead was back list in 1980. We golfers will all birdies. Surely one of them favoured him playing it into lead. A second-round 69 to five – but the Brit birdied be around the TV or checking the pond at the back. would make it. extended his lead to four the sixth to again reduce the the Masters APP on our He took out his sand- shots - and a third round of deficit to four. Instead, Ballesteros smart phones to see if a Norman had a par five at European can do it again. 71 stretched it to six.

Seven up! Rugby kids show no Murcia ITV Orihuela’s juveniles arrived at UCAM Murcia with just seven players – but still proved too good for the nine-strong home team. Their 46-26 victory was also a tonic for the senior side, who met the senior team later. Orihuela went straight onto the attack and Victor raced away to score two tries, Gabi converting one. And by half-time Orihuela were 22-0 up with further tries from Bintu and Pablo. The second period saw Victor converting his own hat-trick try, and Gabi adding a try and conversion. And Orihuela duly had the last say with two more tries before the end. Up next were the seniors – only for their hopes to be dashed. It took 20 minutes for UCAM to power ahead , but some quick thinking by Orihuela’s Alvaro saw Victor race away from a quick throw-in to score, Alvaro converting from the touchline. Orihuela trailed 21-7 at half-time and with Murcia’s running line breaking through all too easily, only some excellent defence work limited the final score to 59-12. It was a disappointing end to the season but the Orihuela players can hold their heads high after finishing fifth in the league.

TITTER ON THE TEE A MARRIED golfer is visiting his girlfriend, after a round of golf, when she asks him to shave off his beard. "Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your

handsome face." James replies: "My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!" "Oh, please?" the girlfriend asks again in a sexy

little voice. "Really, I can’t," he replies. "My wife loves this beard!" The girlfriend asks once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night, James

crawls into bed with his sleeping wife. The wife wakes up somewhat, feels his face, and says: "Michael, you shouldn’t be here. My husband will be home soon."

Friday, April 6, 2012

RED MIGHT AND (that trophy room needs BLUE yet another dust, City) MANCHESTER United slapped both hands on the Premier League trophy with a superb 2-0 win at Blackburn that should silence their detractors once and for all. If it doesn't, then those perennial United snipers should just be consigned to the rubbish bin as they are merely showing their bright green envy and hatred of anything from Old Trafford. Five points clear after that victory at Ewood and almost certainly eight points in front by Sunday evening means United will secure their 20th top flight league title as Manchester City's trophy cabinet continues to gather dust. Arsenal should put the final nail in City's coffin and unless there is a massive hiccup, old boy Mark Hughes, along with his QPR relegation fighters, will be soundly thrashed at Old Trafford on Sunday. Meanwhile, Liverpool may well continue to go into free fall. On current form they are next to bottom in the Premier League and it makes me think there is a lot more wrong at Anfield than just who is in the manager's chair and the quality of the players at Kenny Dalglish's disposal. Aston Villa have the chance to repair a disastrous season by whipping

Kenny's boys in front of the Kop. Not quite as embarrassing as that defeat to Wigan the other week but still not good if you are a person with permed hair and a funny accent. Definitely not calm down, calm down time at Anfield! City, now that they have that Arab money to throw around, and Liverpool are more than capable of winning things. But not, it would appear, just now. Tottenham are trying but still have an awful long way to go and only Arsenal at the moment and maybe the Pensioners are looking like teams worthy of silverware in any shape or form. Newcastle have also got their act together this season and if they can continue it into next will be ones to watch. That is unless owner Mike Ashley decides to pile his players high and sell ‘em cheap - as he does with his sports products in those corner shops he runs as a very lucrative sideline. Easter weekend always throws up some interesting fixtures and results. It may do in the other leagues but the Premier League is pretty much sorted, with even the relegation issue down to perming three from five, as it has been since around about Christmas.

MONTNIFICENT SEVEN!

CD Montesinos 7 Racing San Miguel 2

THERE is never a dull moment following CD Montesinos. The previous weekend’s thriller had seen five players plus the manager sent off in an eight-goal draw. Last weekend saw another rampant goalfest - and was watched by 443 fans - the biggest crowd in years at the Municipal. Monte, knocked off the top of the division last week, were keen for revenge against the only side to have beaten them this season. And they quickly went 2-0 ahead, only for San Miguel to pull one back before half-time. The real fun and games came in the second half with Monte running riot. For the record, Vazquinho finished with a hat-trick, Edu scored two, and Chulo and new signing Simon one apiece. Manager Juanpe paraded his new signing, Montalvo, who had a steady game, as well as the veteran Simon, who mar-

shalled his side superbly as well as scoring on his debut. There is no match this weekend due to the Easter festivities, so the next game for CD Montesinos is a top-of-thetable clash at unbeaten Dolores, which is due to be played on the April 15. To keep up to date with everything at CD Montesinos and their Internacional Supporters’ Club, The Full Monte, go to the website www.cdmontesinos.com, email thefullmonte2011@hotmail.com or telephone 637 869 602.

United, City, Arsenal and Chelsea are likely to take the Champions League places and while I hope Newcastle pip Tottenham for the Europa spot, I doubt they will. Liverpool will be in Europe, courtesy of that penaltyshootout win against Cardiff in the League Cup final. But if their present form is anything to go by, they'll be out faster than a flight from John Lennon Airport to Belfast. Away from the Premier League, there was some stunning stuff at the match I attended last Saturday. Not on the pitch but in the media room afterwards as Preston's under-fire manager Graham Westley accused his players of informing opponents Sheffield Wednesday of the PNE team line-up 24 hours before kick-off. I have heard some things in my time but Westley's answer to my question about his defensive formation rocked us all and if it had been Fergie or Mancini uttering it, the story would have been splashed not just on the back pages of the Preston Bugle and the Hillsborough Hiccup but everywhere from Sheffield to San Francisco. Preston are currently sinking down the leagues faster than a greasy sausage after twice passing up the chance of promotion to the Premier League. Those play-off defeats may well have brought huge sighs of relief in the Deepdale boardroom as many think the club suffers from a lack of ambition when it comes to really mixing it with the big boys. True, the Prem can be a recipe for disaster as Newcastle so very nearly found out a couple of years ago. They survived the drop into the Championship but the big worry is for really small clubs like Preston is that they will be saddled, as Newcastle were, with lots of players on big-money contracts signed in the Premier League – and then for relegation, perhaps twice in a row, to maybe kill the club financially. To avoid that, clauses must be inserted into players' deals to allow for relegation. It wouldn't be easy asking a player to sign a two-year contract at best, having won a place in the Premier League, and then having to accept a far less lucrative deal should the worst happen. Blackpool did it on the cheap last season and they are doing OK in the Championship right now. And I bet that Premier League dosh and the balloon payment they got this season is still in the bank. Well, a lot of it anyway!

Rugby fan? Then stake out the Steakhouse in Rojales AT the beginning of the year, a couple of like minded rugby fanatics decided to set up the Costa Blanca Rugby Supporters Club in The Steakhouse, a bar in Rojales, near the theatre. The decision was taken after loads of people complained that there was nowhere to watch live rugby. So the rugby bar and club was formed, and was a great success over the Six Nations period – and we are looking to carry this forward throughout the year. This coming weekend will see another full packed weekend of live rugby with the quarter-finals of the Heineken and Amlin Cup being shown live, including three games on Saturday and Sunday. Club membership is 5€ to join and 5€ a year, and the membership card entitles you to 10% discount on all bar food and drinks…except Guinness. Sorry about that! We also have a rugby shop there where you can buy all branded rugby clothing including club and international shirts etc. For more information contact me Garry on 692 767 242.

Friday, April 6, 2012

HOME TRUTH

Are Chelsea REALLY flying the Euro flag for England? SO Chelsea fly the flag for England into another round of the Champions League. Hey, hang on a minute, are they really flying the flag for England? John Terry, Frank Lampard and Ashley Cole apart , Wednesday night's team was made up of foreigners. That means less than a third are English and, say what you like, how can a fella from Sierra Leone, Botofago or Guatemala have the same passion for a club as one born and raised a stone's throw from Stamford Bridge or Old Trafford? Now I used to think I was all for integration and a cosmopolitan society but with that comes a steady erosion of one's identity and birthright. Everyone belongs to everywhere and you have a perfect right to be exactly where you want to be and call yourself what you want, regardless of that country's own original particular ideals. Dave Richards was regarded as a drunken buffoon the other week when he declared that the glorious game of football England invented had been hijacked by the rest of the world. Well, it's not so much been hijacked - rather we have prostituted ourselves in the

STEVE BOTT reports

pursuit of filthy lucre and the Premier League is a perfect example of that. Never mind Chelsea, Arsenal long ago fielded an entire team of foreigners and it's the same at Manchester City, where you struggle to find an Englishman after their No 1, Joe Hart. Micah Richards and Gareth Barry are by no means automatic picks, neither are Joleon Lescott or Adam Johnson. We are not alone in the Premier League in cutting off our own. Benfica fielded a side with not one Portuguese player in their starting line-up at Stamford Bridge and the stars of the show for the two hot favourites for the Champions League, Barcelona and Real Madrid not Spaniards, but an Argentinian and a Portuguese. Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo may play some pretty stunning football but I would rather see Ryan Giggs or Paul Scholes lifting the trophy next time Manchester United win the Champions League - as they will the Premier League crown next month rather than, yes, even Nemanja Vidic or Javier Hernandez. At the moment, if the English Premier League is the best in the world, it's certainly not down to Englishmen. Apart from all the foreign players we have a Scot ruling the roost at managerial club level for the past 22 years. And can you name me a club, not

just in the Premier League, that does not have some foreign influence at boardroom or shareholder level? Unless there is a massive mood swing worldwide, there is no going back. Imagine trying to impose sanctions on the number of foreign players a club can have now. It wouldn't get past a court of Human Rights in Cleckheaton, never mind Strasbourg. So while we are stuck with it, I'll cheer on Bayern Munich as I have the grand sum of a tenner riding on them. And that could rake me in ÂŁ80 if they can overcome Real followed by Barcelona or Chelsea. In Arjen Robben, Bayern have a world-class player who is a joy to watch as he is not only an extremely creative winger but a goalscorer too. Another one of that ilk is Ronaldo and Gareth Southgate made a very valid point on ITV's Champions League round-up the other night when he said Ronaldo is very unfortunate to be playing in the same era as Messi. If the little Argie wasn't around, Ronaldo would be far and away the world's best player and another point made was that Real have a better all-round squad than Barca with the likes of Kaka, Higuain, Benzema and Carvalho to call on, to name but four! So Bayern, without wanting to put too much pressure on you, come on and win me my dosh!