The Courier Week 62

Edition 62

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EVERYONE loves something for nothing...and today we are offering TWO goodies for the price of NONE. Your Courier is, as ever, FREE - and at selected outlets we are also throwing in a copy of the prestigious 2011-12 Food & Drink Guide to the southern Costa Blanca.

Yes, we are giving away thousands of copies of this invaluable asset to anyone who enjoys eating

out locally.

It’s packed with interesting information for sophisticated diners and features profiles of dozens of the area’s most popular restaurants.

The Food&Drink Guide normally costs one euro but it’s FREE to readers who pick up their Courier at Iceland in Torrevieja, La Marina or San Javier today.

TWO freebies for the price of none - beat that!

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Friday, April 27, 2012

YOU MUST BE JOCK-ING! St George’s Day pipers are too Scot to handle

THE estimated 1,000 revellers who celebrated St George’s day in Playa Flamenca on Monday could have been excused for thinking they’d come on the wrong day.

It was bad enough that England’s patron saint had to ward off a fearsome (well, not really) dragon.

But the Torrevieja pipes and drums also seemed to declare war on the Sassenachs – by launching into a 20-minute medley of SCOTTISH music.

Having to listen to Scotland the Brave on the English Saint’s day is enough to drive any Tyke or Cockney to drink...which is why one amused visitor suggested the event be renamed St George and the Flagon.

Despite that hiccup, the fun day event - organised by the Orihuela Costa Town Hall and Department of Tourism in collaboration with TKO – proved a big success and will no doubt be repeated on a grander scale next year.

Spectators brought deckchairs and took position on the promenade steps and in the marquee tent to enjoy the spectacle of marching bands, a contingent of Romans from Orihuela City,

HOW do Spanish children visualise England? Well, officials at Orihuela Town Hall found out - by asking pupils at local schools as part of their St George’s Day celebration to draw their impression of what England is all about.

The winning entry, above, was submitlocal entertainers, dance and theatre. First on stage were Just Brass, playing a selection of traditional popular English standards.

Ten minutes later, the Orihuela Branch of the Royal British Legion proudly arrived led by the Torrevieja Pipes and Drums, whose Scottish

ted by eight-year-old Adriana Lorca Fernandez.

Joint second were Nicole Perez Jancova and Hanna Perez, whose entries are on Page 6. All three will receive awards from The Courier next week.

repertoire seemed very out of place and inappropriate at an event celebrating England’s Patron Saint!

The splendid sight of a division of Roman soldiers from Orihuela followed. It was a spectacular and colourful entrance and a great advertisement for the

famous Moors and Christians fiestas, which take place throughout the region.

Apart from this being a magnificent addition to the day, it was very appropriate as St. George’s father was a Roman Army officer and St. George himself fought for the Christian faith.

It was then time for a touch of humour as the theatre company arrived, complete with St. George, a fabulous Dragon, who ‘terrorised’ the crowd, and the King and Queen.

Upon George slaying the dragon, in keeping with the tradition of San Jorge as he is known in Spanish, red roses were handed out to the ladies. This is an old tradition in Spain because, coincidentally, Miguel Cervantes and William Shakespeare died within 24 hours of each other around April 23, 1616, and thus UNESCO established April 23 as the International Day of the Book.

Orihuela Councillor for Tourism, Pedro Mancebo, said a few words of welcome in Spanish and English, likening the festivities to the problems faced by the local town hall in having to fight off their own ‘Dragons’.

Led by the Royal British Legion, local councillors and dignitaries, the Romans and dancers, took part in a parade lap, after which local choirs, performance groups and artists took to the stage while others danced in front of the TKO Roadshow.

That most English of traditions, Morris Dancing, was also warmly received.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

Catch 22 - drop one and you all get the bullet TELEPHONE

96 692 1003 679 096 309 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Donna Gee Amanda Black Sally Bengtsson Rebecca Marks Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Steve Bott Tony Mayes Jake Monroe

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Picture of the Week

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TICKET TO P-RIDE Supermoto Brit out to reign in Spain

EXPAT racer Anthony FordDunn will be providing the thrills at the first round of the Spanish Supermoto championships on Sunday.

And he needs all the support he can get from fellow Brits here in Spain.

Anthony, from Bullas, Murcia, has promised to give the current Spanish champion a run for his money at the Chicharra kart circuit in Villena, near Sax. And he is hoping an army of British fans will be there to cheer him to victory.

“We have already raced at two rounds of the Catalan championship this year and I finished second overall at both of those, just behind the current Spanish champion,” says Ford-Dunn.

“I am sure that I will be right with him come the race at Villena, as it’s our home track and I really want that win.”

Anthony has an excellent chance as he was runner-up in in 2010 and fourth overall last

By AMANDA BLACK year, despite crashes and injuries.

For those not familiar with Supermoto, it is an exciting scramble - with lots of sliding and spinning - around a tarmac track involving motocross bikes fitted with road-going tyres.

It’s a great spectator sport and the race organisers at Chicharra have been busy preparing the track for a spectacular season opener with the construction of a high-speed off-road sand section, which riders charge into from the first turn before jumping back onto the tarmac.

The action starts at 10.30am. The race track is just outside Villena, off the CV-81.

To reach it, head inland from Alicante on the A31 to Villena.

Entrance is three euros, including a drink. There is a restaurant on site as well as mini golf, kart hire and a children’s playground.

Friday Partly cloudy High 22° Low 14° Chance of rain 9% Monday Sunny High 21° Low 9° Chance of rain 0%

Tuesday Sunny High 20° Low 10° Chance of rain 11%

Anthony Ford Dunn...sights on the Spanish title

GOT A STORY? Email office@thecourier.es or call us on 966 921 003

Anthony and brother Mat Saturday Showers High 22° Low 10° Chance of rain 60% Wednesday Showers High 21° Low 10° Chance of rain 65%

Sunday Shwers High 20° Lo 11° Chance of rain 60% Thursday Rain High 18° Lo 12° Chance of rain 75%

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Friday, April 27, 2012

St George’s Day at Orihuela Costa... where even the Dragon had a good time

DON JUAN CARLOS! It’s open ‘whorefare’ as media Zapatero WAS ‘economic’ targets Spain’s Romeo king with the truth

SPAIN’S scandal-hit king is again in the headlines – and this time it is his ‘friendship’ with a glamorous German aristocrat nearly 30 years his junior that has put him in the spotlight.

The Spanish media is asking questions about the nature of King Juan Carlos’s relationship with Corinna zu Sayn-Wittgenstein, signalling that it has finally torn up a decades-old agreement not to scrutinise the private life of the Royal family.

Spanish journalists have given the much-loved monarch an easy ride since he inherited General Francisco Franco’s powers in 1975, overseeing the restoration of monarchy and democracy. His role in preventing the 1981 coup won him further reverence.

But the fierce anger surrounding the King’s recent

So close: The King and Corinna

elephant hunting trip – which followed hard on the heels of other Royal scandals – appears to have prompted a removing of the gloves by Spain’s media.

The fall in the bathroom of the luxury Botswana resort that broke the King’s hip and exposed his secret €10,000a-day jaunt may just prove

his fall from grace.

The King’s ‘friendship’ with the attractive blonde German has been the subject of speculation since they met in 2006.

But until now it was largely ignored by Spanish journalists, for whom the King’s marriage problems and alleged affairs had become something of an elephant in the room – until the hunting gaffe.

Now, with open season apparently declared on the 74-year-old monarch, the Spanish press has not shied away from covering the latest accusations made by Italian magazine La Stampa.

It wrote: “In Spain there are two queens, the official 73-year-old Sofia, married to

King Juan Carlos since 1962, and the informal, provocative and blonde 46-year-old Princess Corinna zu SaynWittgenstein, separated and a lover for the past four years of the most lady-killer King in Europe”.

As well as widely reporting the accusation and questioning the relationship, the Spanish press is demanding to know more about an official trip to Saudi Arabia that Corinna zu SaynWittgenstein is said to have gone on with the King.

In his online column, José Antonio Zarzalejos, a former editor of the ABC newspaper said: “The failure of his marriage to Queen Sofia, from whom he is practically separated, is public knowledge.”

BRUSSELS has confirmed that the José Luis Rodriguez Zapatero’s government did lie about the state of the Spanish economy when it left office last year.

Deficit figures given by Zapatero’s socialist PSOE and used to make initial cuts assessments by the incoming PP regime - were two and a half points lower than the real situation.

When the PP government discovered this in January, hiking its programme of cuts, it was accused of inflating the figure in order to justify higher cuts.

But on Monday the European Union cleared up all doubts, ratifying the figures of Mariano Rajoy’s government.

According to the independent estimates of the EU’s statistics office, Eurostat, Spain closed 2011 with a deficit of 8.5% of GDP. That is fully two and a half points above the figure given to Brussels by Zapatero’s government. The deficit figure in Spain remains the third highest after rescued Ireland (13.1% of GDP) and Greece (9.1%).

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POLICE in Tenerife and Madrid have arrested nine members of a Spanish-based gang believed to have organised the illegal entry of large numbers of Iranian nationals into the UK. The action follows successful cooperation between the Spanish authorities and the UK Border Agency team in Spain.

The gang, based in Madrid, used the Canary Islands as a final staging post to move illegal migrants to the UK. Authorities established that safe-houses existed in mainland Spain and the Canaries and the group had ready access to stolen travel documents and credit cards. By sharing intelligence, and working with airlines and UK Border Agency teams across Europe, groups of Iranians intending to travel illegally to the UK were identified.

The nine arrested, including five Iranians, have been charged with a variety of offences including falsification of documentation and provision of false documents, credit card fraud, membership of a criminal organisation and people smuggling.

BRITAIN’S GOT TALONS A BRITISH woman fought off an eagle as it tried to fly away with her dog while she was out walking near her home in Benalmadena on the Costa del Sol. Suzanne Dodds, 43, described the terrifying moment that the bird of prey swooped and grabbed one of her two Jack Russells, sinking its

claws into the dog’s head and trying to fly away with it. The enormous eagle grabbed the dog’s nose with one talon and its collar with the other.

The dog, Kora, struggled as the bird dragged it from the path to the cliff edge, and with only seconds to act, Miss Dodds grabbed it by the

wing. It turned and bit her, but released the terrified terrier - and then swooped around 20 times before flying away.

The bird, later identified as a Golden Eagle, is thought to have escaped from captivity. Miss Dodds was treated for scratch wounds and Kora for a nose wound.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

A MAN A LOAN

George Osborne, the IMF - and figures that just don’t add up YOU know the type - the man in the bar buying friends by throwing his money around.

He's the flavour of the month right up until the money runs out and then no-one wants to know him any more.

That's just how I think of Britain's politicians, throwing money in every direction in a desperate attempt to win friends around the world.

The latest example is George Osborne prepared to hand over another £10billion of taxpayers’ money to bail out the ailing eurozone as a loan to the International Monetary Fund. The amount was just under the trigger point above which Osborne would have had to go to Parliament for approval. The rat!

It's no surprise that rank and file Tory MPs are alarmed at the latest pile of dosh just handed over, saying it's throwing good money after bad to countries without a hope of getting themselves out of their self-inflicted financial mess.

The UK’s loan represents £384 for every household in Britain and brings the country’s total liabilities with the IMF to £40billion - the equivalent of £1,538 per UK family!

Osborne is constantly saying the money given to the IMF is only a loan and will be paid back. And in the meantime interest will be paid.

Yes, fine, except there is no cast-iron guarantee that the money will be paid back and will ailing countries ever be able to pay back loans?

What concerns me is that we're constantly being told that Britain has dire financial problems and there are cutbacks everywhere in the UK. So where on earth has Osborne discovered the money to lend to the IMF? Either the coffers are empty or they are not, so let's start getting some truth from these wretched politicians.

My naive understanding of finance is that if you have a debt you pay it back before starting to spend or borrowing more to lend to others.

Perhaps countries should be like companies - if a company fails it is bought by another. Perhaps Greece should have been offered for sale - I wonder which country would have bought it?

And if Spain fails, which part should Britain buy? Union Jacks flying over the Costas, perhaps?

And if the money Britain has lent to the IMF isn't repaid and the country goes bankrupt, perhaps the government will be forced to sell Northern Ireland to the Chinese, Wales to the Russians and Scotland to the Germans!

WE all know how serious Spain's financial problems are - living on a knife edge with the prospect always on the cards that the government will be forced into an EU baleout.

But there's a real danger of Spain killing the goose over raising airport fees just in time for the summer rush.

Britain already has sky-high taxes on flights leaving the UK, reported to be the highest in Europe - and Spain is poised to introduce additional airport tax on outgoing flights.

Ryanair has warned its customers that if Spain does go ahead with its additional tax, it will be forced to pass these on to holidaymakers, regardless of whether they have completed their booking.

There is a point when government impose so high a tax that it dissuades people from spending. A classic example centuries ago was when a tax was imposed on windows. All that happened was that people bricked them in.

More and more tax will deter people from going to Spain

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pital failing to diagnose properly.

Then being accused of causing the death by child abuse, being charged by police and having their second child taken from them.

Medical experts and the legal profession believe there are many other cases where doctors fail to diagnose rickets as the cause of broken bones.

I hope that lessons can be learned from this misery.

Perhaps one is for police and social services not to jump to the conclusion that an injured child means child abuse, and accept that medical "experts" can and do get things wrong.

The good news is that Islington council has been made to return the couple's second child back to her parents after an absence of two years.

A few weeks ago we were at a restaurant when an accordionist busker arrived and serenaded every table. It resulted in three groups of diners (not us) walking away without ordering and the restaurant owner storming out to drive the annoying ‘musician’ away.

Last week we were at a restaurant at lunchtime in La Mata when a singer set up his microphone and speakers and began singing so loudly that we were unable to chat over the noise.

We were forced to move to an inside table to escape and have a conversation with our friends. Other diners joined us and it wasn't long before the singer disappeared! Good riddance!

Restaurateurs should realise that few customers of middle age and upwards appreciate none-too-talented singers with speakers turned full on when they are trying to enjoy a meal and have a conversation.

Going out for an evening meal and staying on for some good entertainment is totally different. But please, restaurant owners, save your money and don't employ a singer who disguises the fact he/she can't sing by turning the volume sky high. It becomes a huge irritant and deters diners from ever returning.

Chinese restaurants seem to have got it spot on, by providing easy listening background music turned down low, and full marks for the Banana Tree Thai restaurant just up the road from Playa Flamenca for employing a really good singer who had the vocals and did not need to earblast diners.

We're better off living in Spain - yes, financially, and also healthwise. A new study shows that traffic pollution, planes and power station emissions are killing an estimated 13,000 people in the UK every year.

And people living in the south east are the worst affected, because not only have they to contend with home-grown pollution, there is also a lot more coming over the Channel from France, Belgium, Germany and Holland. Just one more reason to enjoy life here in the sun.

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on their holidays and the loss of business will be far more damaging to cash-strapped Spain.

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It seems a week does not go by without yet another appalling example of British hospitals failing the people they are supposed to help.

Latest dreadful example concerns a four-month-old baby who was admitted with a fractured skull and severe brain damage and who subsequently died.

Great Ormond Street and University College hospitals jumped to the conclusion they were dealing with parental abuse.

In marched social services and the police…and the parents were murder suspects. When their second child was born, she was taken into care direct from the delivery room.

It was finally discovered that the baby was not the subject of child abuse but had been suffering from severe rickets, which was not diagnosed by the hospitals.

Criminal charges against Jayden's parents were dropped in December, 2011, after witnesses were unable to agree on the cause of the boy's death. But civil action was then taken by the Islington local authority, which still insisted there was a possibility the baby had died from trauma inflicted on him by his parents.

Last week a family court judge cleared the parents of responsibility for the death of their son and criticised the two hospitals for what she described as sub-optimal care.

Rickets, or bone weakness, is caused by vitamin D deficiency - a lack of sunlight, and non-white people are more prone because their skin does not absorb the sun's rays so quickly.

The parents went through more than two years of hell finding their baby with an appalling head injury. And the hos-

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This can only happen in namby-pamby Britain, laughing stock of the world. A gang of thieves on quad bikes stole a kayak worth £700, watched by a couple who saw them making their getaway across fields.

They called police, who were on the scene within minutes – but then decided to abort the chase because the robbers on the quad bikes were not wearing crash helmets, were driving erratically and might have injured themselves.

Health and safety rules made them put the thieves' safety before bringing them before the court.

Could you imagine that happening in any other part of the world? Makes you think what other antics criminals get away with because police hands are tied by crazy health and safety nonsense.

Friday, April 27, 2012

THE BAR If you enjoyed The Visitors and The Airport, you won’t begrudge YVONNE GARNHAM a trip to her local for her latest amusing look at expat life in the Costas THE Bar is the place to meet with fellow ex-pats and enjoy liquid refreshment.

Lots of people use the Bar, including Fairy Godmother and Handy Husband (if you have already read ‘The Visitors’ and ‘The Airport’, then you will be familiar with these two, if you haven`t you’ll catch up).

When Fairy Godmother is not looking after the visitors, she becomes Mrs Sunshine because from May to September she spends most of her time on a sun-bed by the pool until she is tanned to perfection.

Handy Husband doesn’t like to sit in the sun so they meet infrequently during the summer but they do like to go to the Bar to meet their friends.

Sport is very popular in the Bar, especially football which is mostly attended by men.

The required dress code is team football shirt, shorts and either trainers or flip-flops.

Ladies are allowed to join the men provided that they know ‘the offside rules’ and can shout as loud as the men, which they usually can.

Karaoke is also a fun night out, to join in you must be able to read and sing at the top of your voice - in tune. Unfortunately not everyone knows this and the warbling of unrecognisable tunes is not unusual.

However, after imbibing a few of Mr Bar Owner’s liquid refreshments, the ‘Karaokees’ usually sound much better.

The holidaymakers like Karaoke too, they visit the Bar every summer and are instantly recognisable by their glowing noses, robin red-breast chests and attractive white stripy shoulders.

The Bar is always very busy when the holidaymakers come to stay and the locals have to get there extra early to claim a seat.

Mr Bar Owner is very happy, though, because they make him lots of money and he always has a smiley face to welcome the holidaymakers into the Bar. The mini holidaymakers, who are generally running around playing ‘it’ (whatever ‘it’ is), like Karaoke too and can be heard regularly murdering hits from Adele or Rihanna whilst their adoring parents look on, swaying from side to side after their third bacardi

and coke. Mr and Mrs Silly don’t like Karaoke, they never go to the Bar but were silly enough to buy their dream villa directly opposite one. They do nothing but complain about the noise giving Mr Bar Owner a headache and keeping our Senor Policias very busy when they should be out chasing ‘baddies’.

The Bar welcomes dogs outside on the terrace where they all drink from the same water bowl kindly provided by Mr Bar Owner. They are usually very well behaved dogs who lay under the table next to their masters. Dogs do, however, like to lick their bottoms.

One day Mrs Sunshine was sitting on the terrace enjoying her Sunday lunch when she spotted a dog lovingly licking its bottom.

A fleeting fly suddenly dive-bombed onto the dog’s bottom and then flew off, landing on a holiday-makers dinner plate which she hadn’t noticed because she was downing a pint of lager.

Mrs Sunshine resolved that she would never have her Sunday lunch on the terrace again and she definitely wouldn’t be getting a dog.

Mr Grumpy doesn`t like Karaoke, neither does he like dogs (especially the ‘licky bottom’ variety), holidaymakers or mini holidaymakers. Mr Grumpy goes to the Bar at the same time every day, neither a minute earlier nor later, and Mr Bar Owner always has his favourite tipple sitting on the bar ready.

One day Mr Grumpy hadn’t arrived and as the clock ticked by there were a few worried faces in the Bar. Three hours later Mr Grumpy still hadn`t showed up and there was much discussion about what to do. It was decided to call for a Senor Policia to check on Mr Grumpy and Mr Bar Owner had just lifted the telephone to call Senor Policia when who should walk in but Mr Grumpy himself. Everyone stopped talking and looked at Mr Grumpy, who did something very unusual - he broke into a big smile. Apparently he had been to the dentist to have some new dentures fitted.

So the Bar, as well as providing liquid refreshment, has a vital role to play in the community of ex-pats as most of them are caring people who look out for each other.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

Flying the flag for, er England ENGLAND...as seen through the eyes of Spanish children in Orihuela Costa. The second-placed entries of Nicole Perez Jancova (left) and Hanna Perez share one minor mistake with overall winner

Adriana Lorca Fernandez, whose entry is on Page One. All three visualise the English flag as the Union Jack. St George might not have approved of that! And as for the Welsh dragon...!

Is that the British Embassy? I need you to get rid of these ants for me Bachelors get bus of both worlds INSPIRED by a Hollywood movie, a Spanish dating agency is bussing women from Madrid to men in a dying Spanish village in a bid to repopulate the area.

The bachelors of Candeleda, a town of 6,000, are a lonely bunch with not enough single women to go around.

But dating agency Asocamu is bringing them hope of finding love in much the same way wagon trains of women were shipped in for lonely pioneers in the 1951 film Westward the Women, which the agency cites as its inspiration.

National statistics show that of Spain’s 5000 villages, up to 100 are under imminent threat of abandonment.

BRITISH embassies are there to help UK citizens who run into trouble abroad, but the great British public’s definition of trouble can be a little odd, according to Foreign Secretary William Hague. l Like asking embassy staff to book restaurants for them l Or to deal with insect

By AMANDA BLACK problems l Or to help them com- in your garden in Greece, as plete DIY projects. someone else did, I am l Or to assist with erect- afraid that we cannot help ing chicken coop. you.”

Highlighting just how big Mr Hague stressed that the gap in expectations can those in genuine difficulty sometimes be, the former can turn to the Foreign Office Conservative leader said: “It for support and that is not our job to book you embassies will help people restaurants while you are on deal with lost passports, find holiday. a doctor or lawyer, or assist “This is obvious, you may those struggling with think. But nonetheless it bereavement in a country came as a surprise to the they do not know well. caller in Spain who was hav“Often the circumstances ing difficulty finding some- are tragic and upsetting,’’ he where to have Christmas added. “We help the parent lunch.” whose child has been And he continued, “If you abducted by their former find ants in your holiday partner; the traumatised vicrental, we are not the people tim of rape; the devastated to ask for pest control advice. family whose son has comIf you are having difficulty mitted suicide; the distraught erecting a new chicken coop boyfriend whose partner has

William Hague: ‘It is not our job to book you restaurants while you are on holiday’

been murdered; or the vulnerable girl or boy who has been forced into marriage against their will.”

With so many serious issues to deal with, it is not surprising that embassy staff have little time for those who “waste time and scarce resources with ludicrous requests”.

“So we ask British nationals to be responsible, to be self-reliant and to take sensible precautions,” said Hague.

“We cannot emphasise enough the importance of good travel insurance.

“If you do find yourselves needing our help, we do ask British nationals to be prepared to pay for certain serv-

ices; consular assistance is paid for from fees and not from taxation, and where we do charge a fee for a service, we only do so to cover our costs.

“In return, we maintain one of the most extensive and most effective consular networks of any country in the world.”

PAWS AND CLAWS: CAN YOU GIVE ONE OF THESE PETS A HOME? B E N N I E (right) is about two years old and has been vaccinated and neutered.

He gets on well with people and other dogs, is very gentle and is growing in confidence after a poor start in life.

Call: 693 WHISKEY (above) is five months 769 147 old and a lovely little boy who is used to other dogs. He is vaccinated and ready for a new home. Call: 659 274 573

www.petsinspain.com info@petsinspain.info

The pups are now three weeks and will be ready for rehoming in a few weeks.

Anyone who can offer a home to Jess or any of her pups should call Anne on JESS, was spotted scavenging for food near a 678 123 081 or email ANNABELLE, a very pretty, anneleswager@yahoo.com young, long-haired tortoisemain road in San Isidro.

The couple who found shell girl was abandoned in her gave her food and the Pinomar area. She is very water, and realising she friendly and will make a loving must have pups spent an pet. Contact Joe the Catman. hour following her until she led them to her hidden Joe the Catman babies.

966 719 272 She allowed the pups to THANKS for including the be taken and got calmly K9 Club animals last week. into the car with them.

Buster has been adopted She is around a year old with a very sweet nature.

GRAHAM CAIN

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Friday, April 27, 2012

THE EVIL ‘R’ SOUL OF EL RASO I LIVE on an urbanisation which, summer holidays apart, rarely has more than a few hundred souls in residence. Most of them British expats.

You would assume, then, that the El Raso community would all be pretty good friends. And most of us are.

Some of us also choose to socialise at the bars and restaurants in our compact little Commercial Centre. I suppose you could call us ‘R’ souls because the three most popular drinking haunts are Rayz, Ricardo’s and Ruby’s.

All are typical British-run bars where the proprietors work their butts off trying to eke out a living in a crumbling economy that has preI WAS awoken on Tuesday cious little left to eke. morning to the most At least two other hostelhideous alarm ever - the ries have gone out of busiyells of someone in disness in El Raso over the past tress. Or so I thought.

I’d never heard screams couple of years, so it’s only like it before - and they natural that the community sounded distinctly human. in general supports any Had my granddaughter addition to the entertainment fallen out of bed? Had an calendar. animal been run over in the Bingo, quizzes, live footroad outside my house? ball, race nights, charity Or had my new cat evenings…all have helped to Greyham been neutered for bring the community together the second time in a month and seal new friendships.

- this time without anaesRicardo’s recently introthetic? duced a fresh attraction…a Well, Greyham WAS Friday music evening featurinvolved - he was screaming the guitar/banjo and ing at a black feral moggy that had come through the vocals of Frank Fitzgerald and Phil Fraser. catflap uninvited.

The newly-formed twoThe yells stopped when the intruder fled. But I now some had been delighting full know that Graham is dedi- houses for four or five weeks…and were set to cated to keeping me safe.

Particularly from cat become a permanent fixture. burglars.

Until, that is, some vindic-

GREYHAM AND THE INTRUDER

tive ‘R soul’ (I’m sure this one should be spelt differently) complained to the police when there was nothing to complain about.

There could have been only one motive – spite – because the music could not even be heard outside the premises, let alone bother anyone.

The two Policia Locale officers who halted last Friday’s performance admitted as

much – but said that as there had been a complaint they had no option but to investigate.

Their embarrassment was patently obvious as they explained to proprietors Jane and Graham Lilley that since the bar has no specific licence for the performance of live music, it would be advisable to halt the show.

Due to the close proximity of residential homes, music

licences at El Raso are as rare a sight as the devious freaks who dedicate themselves to wrecking other people’s enjoyment.

So the Lilleys had no option but to end the concert.

And they hold out little hope of the Guardamar authorities easing the wholly unnecessary shackles any time soon.

Amid all the hoo-ha, it is patently obvious that whoever made the complaint has a

grudge of some sort, be it against the Lilleys, Ricardo’s or more likely against the entire world.

But not as massive a grudge as the decent people of El Raso have against the miserable toad who, to use prison parlance, grassed the community up.

Whoever brought the police in owes it to the good people of El Raso to come forward and explain their motives.

But cowards don’t do things like that, do they?

They just wreck community spirit…along with the dreams of hardworking people trying to build a happier community.

The feelings of the community and myself are echoed in our lead Letter on Page 24, which was submitted to The Courier entirely independently of this article.

I suspect this story is not going to go away.

But with a bit of luck the lowlife that caused this uproar will get out of El Raso. And never come back.

with the fourth dangling and swinging and completely broken.

I had the horse put down immediately on the advice of a vet, before the shock wore off and the pain set in. Why can a horse not recover from a compound fracture, you may ask.

Well, a horse cannot tolerate long periods of inactiv-

ity as no one can explain to it that it is in its best interest.

A horse cannot lie down for long periods either as it crushes its internal organs. Horses can sleep standing up. A horse cannot stand on three legs for a long period of time as its joints won’t take it.

I have also seen a very

expensive horse spend six painful weeks cross tied with bolts in its legs only to be put down as the leg never mended. And this was only a fracture.

Please do not judge these people - they love their horses and would not do this lightly. Did you see the pain on Clare Balding's

face at the end? If there was any way to save these horses they would not have put them down, I assure you.

JAN Point taken, Jan. I jumped the gun (no pun intended).

My reconsidered opinion is that we should lower the risk - and the fences.

Frank Fitzgerald and Phil Fraser... gentle music

Why injured horses DO have to be put down YOUR VIEW

Clare Balding...tears

Hi Donna I must object strongly to your article headed ‘’Why must the injured horses die? (this page last week).

I have been in the unhappy position of having one of my horses break her leg.

She got up and was able to hobble along on three legs

The Broadband and Telephone Company

966 784 532

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Friday, April 27, 2012

Friday, April 27, 2012

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AS the hapless sufferer of a multitude of mysterious maladies, I can usually be found hammering on my doctor's door.

So imagine my surprise when I received a summons from the surgery. It seemed that HE wanted to see ME. Sneaking under the receptionist's steely radar -- just in case out of habit she tried to stop me -- I slipped into the GP's inner sanctum.

Collapsing into a chair, I said: 'Okay, doc, give it to me straight. You've had the results of my tests, I take it. Let me have it with both barrels.'

'I only wish I could,' the MD muttered, closing one eye and sighting along his stethoscope. 'But the situation is that I have NO test results because you've had NO tests.'

I stood up to go. 'That is indeed good news, doc. Well, I'll bid you good day and shall no doubt see you tomorrow.'

My physician sighed. 'Sit down again, Mr Silver. We have something to discuss.'

'Oh, please,' I chortled. 'We've dealt with each other long enough for you to call me Dave.'

'As I was saying, Mr Silver, I really do need to talk to you on a sensitive matter.'

'No need to be embarrassed, doc,' I said, stripping down to my boxers and jumping onto the bed. 'It's been at least two days since you examined me. What do you suspect is the problem?'

The medic got me dressed again and plonked me back in the chair.

'The situation is this. I want you to find another doctor.'

I let the shock sink in. 'Wow, doc, I'm gobsmacked. I thought you medical folk hired, what do you call them, "locusts" when you are short-staffed. But no. You actually want little old me to help you recruit an additional practitioner. I'm deeply flattered.

'Let me think,' I went on. 'I don't know of any other doctors. My best pal Eric is a dentist but he wouldn't be of much use if someone came in with foot trouble.'

I commenced to pace around the GP's desk. 'I tell you what, doc. I'd be happy to help you out. I almost completed a first-aid course once but something went amiss and I managed to asphyxiate one of those plastic bendy dolls we practised on.'

The doctor gritted his teeth. 'Mr Silver, I don't need a locum or an extra partner. And I certainly don't need you. I am asking you to leave this practice forthwith and register with a new GP.' The door burst open and the receptionist thrust her head into the room. 'Is something wrong, doctor? Everyone in reception can hear you yelling . . . oh, Mr Silver, I never saw you there. That explains everything. Shall I call security?'

The doctor shook his head. 'No need, Mrs Jackson. I'll just take a tablet.'

The GP must have called up my file on his computer for it was another 10 minutes before he raised his eyes from the screen to glare at me again.

'Mr Silver, your attendance record is atrocious.'

'Oh, I don't know, doc. I try to get here as often as I can.'

'That's my whole point!' he shouted. 'You come in here with a different crackpot illness nearly every day.'

I sniffed. 'I can't help being sickly.'

'But there's NOTHING wrong with you, man! You're a hypochondriac.'

'I insist on a second opinion,' I mumbled.

Friday, April 27, 2012

DOCTOR IN DISTRESS‌ 'Very well. My second opinion is that you're insane, too.'

I felt a sulk coming on. I climbed off the chair and hid behind the nursing screens.

'Your other patients get ill,' I whined. 'I bet you don't shout at them.'

'Because they have proper ailments. Here, check it out.'

And the doctor lobbed a medical textbook over the screens.

He went on: 'The genuine poorly people come in here with coughs and colds, measles and migraines, flu and fevers. I can treat all those things.

'But what do you, Mr Snivelling Silver, drive me potty with?'

He looked again at his computer screen. 'Last week alone you booked in with Slapped-Face Syndrome, Saturday Night Palsy and Foreign Accent Syndrome.'

'Yes,' I said. 'I still 'ave ze, 'ow you say, Foreign Accent Syndrome. Iz bad, yes?'

The doctor put his head in his hands. 'Please, Mr Silver, just go.'

I shuffled towards the door. 'Shall I see you tomorrow?'

The GP hesitated and then nodded affirmatively. 'Yes,' he croaked.

'You've won, Mr Silver.

You've worn me down.

'Just stop by the reception desk on your way out and Mrs Jackson will renew your season ticket.'

I bounded from the building and phoned Mrs S. 'Good news. It was nothing to worry about.

Just an administrative problem.'

'I thought as much,' said Mrs S resignedly. 'Anyway, before you are struck down with a recurrence of Alien Hand Syndrome could you get me a few things from the supermarket.'

I looked back at the surgery, saw an ambulance pull up and moments later Mrs Jackson led out the doctor.

He looked very pale and frail.

I completed the shopping, to which I added a get-well card for the GP, reached the checkout with my purchases and discovered I had left the house without any cash.

I reached into my pocket and produced a piece of plastic.

The checkout operator looked puzzled. 'But this is an organ donor card.'

'Oh,' I said. 'In that case, would it help if I gave you back the liver and kidneys?'

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Friday, April 27, 2012

SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH LESSON 17 ANSWERS from last week: I am hungry – Tengo hambre. I have to eat – Tengo que comer. I have a book – Tengo un libro. I am 35 years old – Tengo treinta y cinco años. You are thirsty – Tienes sed. Do you have a dog? - ¿Tienes un perro? You have to learn Spanish – Tienes que aprender español. You are correct – Tienes razón. How old is the cat? - ¿Cuántos años tiene el gato? She has two brothers – Ella tiene dos hermanos. We have to buy a car – Tenemos que comprar un coche nuevo. How many sisters do you have? - ¿Cuántos hermanas tienes? He is 40 years old – Él tiene cuarenta años. I have a drink – Tengo una bebida.

I have to drink – Tengo que beber.

sive but ensure your tutor knows how to speak Spanish. Be careful who you choose, recommendations may not always prove helpful but are a good start.

The best way to learn pronunciation is of course from a native Spanish speaker and these can again be found cheaply. However, for beginners a native Spaniard may not be able to explain the language easily or you might be able to find someone who wants to learn English and you can help each other. That way you get to check your Spanish for free.

You have had a lot to learn recently and I hope you are repeating and repeating previous lessons, not just on paper but out loud too.

This week we are going to learn a verb that conjugates the Also, the following were omitted from last week’s lesson: same way as TENER. The verb is VENIR, which means To There is a dog in the car – Hay un perro en el coche, Is Come. there a bathroom in this building (edificio)? ¿Hay un cuarto de baño en esta edificio? Are there chairs in the living room? - ¿Hay sillas en el salón? There isn´t any water in the glass (el vaso) – No hay agua en el vaso.

So, we are now familiar with three verbs: SER, ESTAR and TENER. We can count and we know lots of words. It is now a case of putting the words together so they make sentences. Remember, at the moment we are learning the present tenses of the verbs; with this we can let people know we are talking about the past or future by adding words such as tomorrow, next week and yesterday. It is not, of course grammatically correct but it will get over what you want to say until you learn the different tenses.

Please remember your pronunciation, it is very important how you pronounce your words, for example the word ´comedor´ can easily be mistaken for the word ´comida´ if pronounced incorrectly, so take some time to go over pronunIf you noted in the above the two differences in conjugation ciation, ask Spanish people how words are pronounced, be from the verb TENER, give yourself a brownie point. VENIR confident but be correct. as you can is an IR verb, therefore the nosotros and vosotros It may be a wise investment to have one or two lessons form is slightly different; this is because they are the only just to check your pronunciation; lessons need not be expen- conjugations that follow the regular verbs, I hope you noted

that, too, a. Another brownie point if you did.

So, how do we use VENIR? It´s another useful verb in that it is used on Spanish where in English we would use two or three.

Examples: I am coming – VENGO, He is coming today – Él VIENE hoy, Are you coming tomorrow? - ¿VIENES mañana? Who is coming today? - ¿Quién VIENE hoy?

They come to the shop every Saturday – VIENEN a la tienda todos los sábados.

I will leave you with some homework for next week. We will be using the last two verbs that you have learnt - Tener and Venir. Take your time, use a dictionary if you need to and try sounding out the words as you read them. Translate the following into Spanish: I have one son. Do you have a book? You are coming to the town square. Do you have to study? Is he coming next week? Tomorrow morning are you coming to the beach?

Why do you have a red car? She has to read. Do we have to walk? I am very tired. How old are you?

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Friday, April 27, 2012

WHY DO THEY DO THAT? Top dog psychologist PETER SINGH writes exclusively for The Courier. Check out www.thedogyouneed.com or email Peter at peter@thedogyouneed.com

WHEN TO GIVE A DOG AFFECTION Soft relaxed eyes represents a calm dog

Nurturing calm is the best thing you can do for your dog GIVING dogs affection at the right time is critical in helping them become calm and balanced. If you are giving them affection when they are showing fear, dominance or aggression etcetera, this is not good.

The reason is because whenever you give dogs affection, you are nurturing the state of mind they are currently displaying.

I visit many clients who for years have been giving their dogs affection when they are in a fearful state of mind. The fear then increases and the dog becomes trapped in a psychological nightmare.

Many people shower their dogs with affection when they jump up at them to say hello, or when the dog invades the human’s space and demands a pat on the head. I have seen dogs climb up on the sofa, refuse to get off and within a few seconds they are getting affection from the

For your dog to be calm, YOU have to be calm human. This type of action will then make your dog increasingly dominant and this can then lead to many unwanted problems.

Some people give their dogs affection when they are acting in an aggressive manner to try to calm the pet down and this really is a recipe for disaster, as the aggression will only increase.

You should only give dogs affection when they are in a calm state of mind.

And the best way of telling if they are calm is by their eyes.

A dog who is not calm has dilated pupils, whereas a calm dog will have soft, relaxed eyes.

You should also remember that affection is not just

stroking your dog. It is also looking and talking to them, giving them a treat, food or a toy and one of the biggest ways you can give dogs affection is by taking them for a walk.

So before they get any of these things they have to be calm.

This way calm is being nurtured within your dog.

Most importantly, to achieve a calm state of mind for your dog, YOU have to be calm.

Dogs always mirror their owners, so it is vital that the human is practising calm in some form on a daily basis. This can be done by yoga, meditation or sitting in a room with no distractions, such as a phone or TV etc.... and

enjoying some quiet time, so that you can relax and stop thinking. Just switch the mind off. The more you do it the better you will get at having no thoughts and just complete silence inside and outside the body.

When you do want to give your dog affection, call him or her to you and providing they are calm, give affection for as long as you want, but not in an excited manner. Stroke them calmly and slowly, so that you keep them in a calm state of mind.

I never endorse people playing roughly with their dogs and play fighting as you are then nurturing a competitive state of mind, just as some people do when they play tug of war games with their dogs, which is never a good idea.

Finally, awareness is the key to making sure you give affection at the right times.

I have known so many people to be on ‘automatic pilot’ when it comes to giving their dogs affection, constantly doing it at the wrong times.

The reason humans do this is because their brains are working too fast, without ever being switched off, so there is no awareness whatsoever. That’s another reason you have to practise some form of relaxation each day.

I always remind my clients that their dogs are their Guardian Angels, because in order to have a calm and balanced dog, the human has to also be calm and balanced.

Dogs never lose hope that one day humans will actually get the message that we have to be calm in order for them to be calm.

So be disciplined and make sure that you are your dog’s calm mirror each day, because you only get out of something what you put in.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

BOTCH ON THE ROCKS A SUSPECTED ringleader of a gang which botched the £330m (€404m) Dunlough Bay cocaine smuggling plot has been charged.

Stephen Brown, 45 - believed to have been in charge of trafficking the 1,500kg (3,300lb) from Ireland to the UK in the summer of 2007 - made a brief appearance at Westminster Magistrates' Court in London.

Court officials confirmed Brown, who is accused of conspiring to import the 62 bales of high-grade Class A drugs into the UK, was remanded in custody. The charge alleges he plotted with two other men to supply the drug to dealers across Britain.

Court officials said Brown, of no fixed address and who was flown from Madrid to Heathrow yesterday morning, will face trial in the Crown Court

and is due b e f o r e Southwark Court on July 3.

He had been detained in Spain on a European arrest warrant.

The audacious transatlantic smuggling plan foundered as the 62 bales were being offloaded in Dunlough Bay off Mizen Head in south west Cork from a catamaran called the Lucky Day on to a smaller boat.

The plot fell apart after one of the gang mem-

bers filled the powerful outboard engines on the rigid inflatable boat (Rib) with diesel instead of petrol and the motors cut out, leaving the boat at the mercy of heavy seas.

The cocaine was found to have a purity level of more than 75%, and was traced to the Medellin area of Colombia.

Brown, who has been on the run for five years, was considered to be the No.1 in the gang during its operations on the ground in Ireland. He was charged with conspiring to import the consignment of Class A drugs along with two other men, Michael Joseph Daly and Alan John Wells.

The pair - Daly an ex-detective sergeant in the LondonMetropolitan Police drugs squad and ‘Big Al’ Wells - were jailed for 22 years and 14 years respectively for their roles in the conspiracy plot after trials in Britain.

Others jailed over the smuggling plot were Daly's brother Joe (25 years), and police killer Perry Wharrie and Martin Wanden (who received 30 years each) after a trial in Cork. Gerard Hagan, of Liverpool, who swam to safety when the boat's engine cut out, pleaded guilty and was jailed for 10 years.

HELP at Home Costa q Blanca celebrated its first anniversary on Tuesday at The Emerald Isle, La Florida. A great fun packed afternoon was enjoyed by more than 200 people and raised a staggering €760.

The raffle brought in €465, while donations of €120 and the sale of donated clothes raised €175. If you’d like to join the volunteers or need a little FREE help at home, call Sheila on 603 245 020 or info@helpathomecb.org.

The next meeting of a free diabetes club in Benijofar is being held on Monday, April 30. Run by a specialist diabetes nurse, the club meets regularly at the Medcare GP surgery.

It allows people with diabetes and their families to share concerns and experiences with the nurse or other club members in a friendly environment. The club also holds seminars on various aspects of diabetes care.

Monday’s meeting starts at 12.30pm. No need to book, just turn up. For more information call Medcare on 966 866 258 or visit www.medcarespain.com

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UNSURE ABOUT SPANISH LAWS? LÍNEA DIRECTA OFFERS LEGAL ASSISTANCE IN ENGLISH, SPECIALLY DESIGNED FOR EXPATRIATES Since January 2011, Línea Directa has provided an online Legal Assistance service which offers expatriate customers advice on Spanish legislation in English on a wide range of topics. The new product, whose price is 40% cheaper than the market average – is offered by practising lawyers and gives motorists insured by Línea Directa advice in many areas such as buying and selling vehicles, renting houses, making complaints to suppliers in consumer disputes, divorce, matrimonial property rights or labour law.

In addition, if after the initial enquiries further judicial or extrajudicial action is required, Línea Directa offers the customer its wide network of lawyers throughout Spain, resulting in a discount for the customer of between 10 and 50% of their legal fees.

24 hour assistance for urgent queries The Legal Assistance service for motorists is available from Monday to Friday from 8am to 10pm. If the query is urgent, in cases such as incidents in the home, problems occurring at night time within the family unit – including partners and children – queries regarding consumption, such as having a credit card stolen declined or not returned, or damage caused by pets, Línea Directa provides a service which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

For more information: 902 123 104

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Friday, April 27, 2012

Old friends remembered I WAS in the middle of a zumba session when my mind started to drift and I thought about a friend I was in college with over 20 years ago.

I think he came to mind because he’s written a musical which is to be staged in Wimbledon Theatre in July and he´d written on a social internet site that auditions were starting soon.

The reason this is relevant is that zumba, as most of you will know, is a Latin-based dance keep-fit session, and of course my friend will be auditioning for dancers as well as singers.

While I thought about this and before my mind began imagining me on stage strutting my stuff, not a nice sight for sure, I began to think about other friends from my past and wondering what they were up to.

Of course, the internet has helped me keep in touch with many people I would not otherwise now be in contact with.

But there are also those I lost contact with before there was such a thing as the internet, and those who have drifted away.

School and college friends, people I worked with and neighbours.

I occasionally go on sites just to search for people I used to know, but find they have such common names that it is almost impossible, especially without a photo.

When I reflect on my past, certain names spring to mind, I would love to know what became of several school friends, of course friendsreunited has helped fill in some gaps.

But some haven´t provided details and then college friends just aren´t on there.

What happened to my first crush, a man

almost ten years my senior, when I was just a freshteenager? faced Where did my close college friends end up and what are they doing?

We all had such dreams, I did a performing arts course at college. Think the TV series Fame from the 1980s and you´ll be close.

Apart from my friend who has written the musical I haven´t seen or heard from any other pals from those days. I did see one post many years ago from a girl who had been on my course and she was living abroad singing in clubs all summer and, as she wrote, sleeping all winter. I felt happy that she was doing something with her undoubted talent and I hoped she was enjoying life.

I have also caught up with a few friends, and although on my messenger system and social sites I don´t really talk with them, it is

nice to see when something big happens in their lives, they have children or get married.

I am not the most gregarious person. I am happy with a few close friends and that has always been the way. My social site has fewer than 80 friends, and the majority I would say are people who are very rarely even on the site.

But it is nice to look back and enjoy reminiscing about past experiences. I have very happy memories from my past lives (I say lives because each new chapter seemed like a new start) and to be reminded of the past helps me look to the future. Sometimes I look back and it seems like the experience happened to a different person. I have to remind myself that it was me and in 20 years I´ll be looking back on 2012 and thinking ´was that really me?´ I hope the people in my life will also be there in 20 years, if not in person then at least online.

There is a saying that occasionally shows up in my e-mail inbox or on one of my social sites and it goes something like this.

Friends are with you for a reason, a season or a lifetime, no one knows which until their time with you is passed. I take some comfort in these words when I wonder where my old friends are and hope that maybe, now and again, they think of me too.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

Gentleman Jack, a real toff in life and deaf

SERVICE above self is a motto that very few politicians seem to practise, but occasionally you get a really good one that goes against the grain.

One such example was the wonderful Lord Jack Ashley, who passed away last weekend. He was that rare creature of a politician that everybody liked, whatever their beliefs, as he fought tirelessly for the rights of the disabled, after his election as a Labour MP in Stoke on Trent.

As a former BBC reporter and producer, Jack Ashley won a lot of friends in the media. And he used those contacts, plus his good communication skills, to lead the charge for a better deal for disabled people, who were frankly treated worse than doormats in Britain, compared to other countries.

It was the personal tragedy of becoming deaf within a short time of going to the Commons, that gave him the push to become a

crusader for the disabled.

And, being brought up in the Midlands, I would see Jack popping up on almost a daily basis on regional television or local radio.

You just knew that this guy was a tireless worker both for his constituents and also for the disabled.

In the late 80s, I did a live telephone interview with him on a BBC radio station I was working at, and was intrigued at how he could have a seamless conversation with me, whilst being profoundly deaf.

His secret was having his daughter listening to our chat on an extension right next to him, and typing out, at a breakneck speed, every word I was saying, so that her dad would answer me without hesitation.

It was just one tiny example of how Jack Ashley

was determined to keep everything as normal from his perspective, and it was a great reflection of his standing that his death was very high up the BBC news bulletins last Saturday.

It looks like a big ‘Au Revoir’ heading in the direction of Nicolas Sarkozy come the French Presidential run-off a week on Sunday against his socialist opponent, Francois Hollande.

In the first round of voting last weekend, Sarkozy achieved the inglorious record of becoming the first incumbent President never to come top of the poll in the first round.

But, like I warned over the impending Greek election, extremist parties got nearly a third of the votes cast, and Sarkozy is getting so desperate that

he’s sucking up to those who voted for the Fascist National Front, to cast their votes for him in nine days time.

I can see Angela Merkel choking over her breakfast bratwurst in Berlin, as next year’s German elections will see her turfed out as disenchanted voters finish a complete sweep in removing every Western European government that was in power in 2010. The problem in most cases is that the replacements don’t seem to have any answers!

I know I seem to get at Ed Miliband on virtually a weekly basis in this column, but the Labour leader gives me so much good material to comment on, even though the Government is lurching from one domestic disaster to another.

For example, why did it take him until last Friday to call for the cancellation of the Bahrain Grand Prix? A mere mortal like me was aware of the problems and issues weeks ago, which is why I wrote about it as the main thrust of my Courier article last week.

That’s Miliband’s problem.

He seems to leap aboard any band-wagon in an opportunistic fashion at the last minute, rather than having the guts to declare a difficult or principled position early on.

That’s a sign of poor leadership to me, even though his party has a double-digit lead in the opinion polls, and they should do reasonably well in the council elections that take place in England, Scotland and Wales next Thursday.

The real fun, though, will

be next Friday, when the London Mayoral results come through, and this will give Miliband a big headache.

Surveys suggest that Tory incumbent Boris Johnson is set to have a comfortable victory, though I suggest things may be closer, due to a transferable voting system that might just give Labour’s Ken Livingstone a shout.

But despite all the jokes about Boris the Buffoon some years ago, the guy has shown himself to be adept at the job, and Londoners like him, including the fact that he’s prepared to say what he thinks, annoying people like David Cameron and his fellow Tories.

The daft thing is that the once rebellious Livingstone looks more like an establishment figure, and his massaging of his tax affairs hasn’t gone down very well with the electorate.

It might just be that we are seven days away from the end of Red Ken’s political life, where many senior Labour figures will be breathing a private sigh of relief that he’s gone forever.

Meanwhile, Ed Miliband will be forced to spin on a bad result in front of the TV cameras, with the old line that Londoners voted on local issues, and that this wasn’t really about Labour versus the Tories.

Actually, that might not be such a bad thing, where people choose to make a judgement on a candidate, rather than what he or she spouts from a party manifesto.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

THE SPANISH PRESS

STUDENT FEES FACE 50% AUSTERITY HIKE El Pais

UNIVERSITY fees may go up as much as 50 per cent as part of the government’s proposed cutbacks in education, sources said this week.

Education Minister José Ignacio Wert met with representatives of Spain’s regional governments to discuss adjustments at all universities.

At present, Spaniards pay between 900 to 1,000 euros a year in university fees, some 15 per cent of the 6,000-euro average annual cost of a student’s education.

Under the new plan, student fees could jump to a maximum of 1,500 euros next September. The government will leave it to each region to determine how much students in their jurisdiction should have to pay.

In Spain, some 1.5 million students attend the country’s 79 universities, 29 of them privately run.

Defending his government’s reforms, Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy insisted at a conference in Colombia that he is implementing an “unbeatable recipe for success” to keep the Spanish economy afloat while at the same time introducing economic reforms without affecting most social programs.

“The crisis has brought challenges for us to introduce reformist policies, which will give us better opportunities and greater social welfare,” Rajoy said.

Back home, Popular Party (PP) officials have embarked on a door-to-door campaign throughout different regions and towns to explain Rajoy’s austerity plan.

Speaking at a conference with Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos at the University of Sergio Arboleda in Bogotá, Rajoy also mentioned the problems his government is having with Argentina over last week’s takeover of Repsol’s stake in YPF. Argentinian president Cristina Fernández de Kirchner nationalised the Spanish Repsol subsidiary to worldwide condemnation after declaring her county’s hydrocarbon industry was a sector of “public interest”.

“Legal security and stable rules are indispensable for the progress of any nation,” said Rajoy.

United front: Spanish students protest against austerity cuts

TRAGEDY has hit the same hotel twice in as little as three days, reports Sky News. An English tourist died after falling from a hotel balcony - the second Briton to die at the same Spanish resort in 72 hours.

Benjamin Harper, 28, from Twickenham, south west London, fell to his death at the four-star Sol Antillas hotel in Magaluf, Majorca, on Friday. It is believed that Mr Harper, a roofer, had gone out on to the balcony for a cigarette before leaning over and falling to his death while on a stag do. His death came three days after another Briton, Adam Atkinson, 20, from Castleford, West Yorkshire, died in the resort after reportedly falling down stairs.

Mr Harper’s father Kenneth, 64, said in a statement: “Such a tragedy and too soon for a man with such energy and life.”

Tributes have been paid on social networking sites to Mr Harper.

Spanish doctor set free after Nigerian kidnapping ordeal A KIDNAPPED Spanish doctor was set free by his captors last Saturday.

Jose Manuel Machimbarrena from Cartagena (pictured right) was kidnapped in Nigeria on April 4.

He is reported to be in good health though "fairly tired", according to Spanish Foreign Ministry officials.

He is now back home in the southern Nigerian city of Enugu.

The circumstances under which he was released and whether any

Brit stabbed in home break-in has been A 53-YEAR-OLD British woman bed in stab g bein after ital recovering in hosp Pinoso, the abdomen at her home in Alicante. attacked It is believed that the woman was ery in her robb a stop to g tryin was she e whil property. in the Police were alerted to the incident

Second Brit dead after holiday fall

La Verdad

when the early hours of Sunday morning, ce. ulan amb victim phoned for an of the She was on her own at the time own her with bed stab was attack, and kitchen knife.

Her condition was said to be stable.

La Verdad ransom was paid have not yet been made clear.

In recent years Enugu has suffered a growing number of abductions. In 2009 the federal government made kidnapping at gunpoint a capital offence.

In a press statement on Saturday, the Nigerian police said Machimbarrena “looks well, healthy and happy”, and is back with the “hospital community” in Enugu.

They also said that Nigerian security forces have stepped up “the search for the outlaws” who kidnapped Dr Machimbarrena.

Dr Machimbarrena, who is director of clinical services at the Opus Dei Niger Foundation Hospital, has lived in Nigeria since 1978.

The doctor released a letter saying his kidnappers had come from an environment in which they had not

learnt Nigerian or Christian hospitality, nor respect for others. He said this was why it was necessary to continue working in the country helping these values to grow.

Four more Spaniards remain captive in Africa, and have done so for the past six months. Two work for Medicine without Frontiers, and were kidnapped in Kenya, and two were captured in the Saharaui refugee camp in Tinduf, Algeria.

Friday, April 27, 2012

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Friday, April 27, 2012

BEV BALLESTEROS reveals some more of the recipes she picked up during her time with Bella and Maurice Sackloff, the elderly Jewish couple she and her husband Andres cared for in Manchester during the 80s. Today, Bev’s concentrates on Bella’s sweet side…

BELLA'S MUM'S GINGER CAKE

SO SWEET, ALREADY! ¾ of same tin of water 1 ½ lb self raising flour 1 ½ jars of ginger jam

Method Mix everything together. Put the flour into mixture little by little until it looks and feels okay before you use the entire quantity.

Bake on medium (350) for first half hour, then 325 for 1 hour more.

This is a delicious ginger cake. Oy Vey, you must try it.

ALMOND KICHELS (Jewish biscuits)

Ingredients 2 eggs 2 heaped teaspoons ginger ½ teaspoon cinnamon ½ teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon salt 1 average glass sunflower oil 1 glass sugar 1 lb tin syrup

Ingredients

3 egg whites 6 oz castor sugar 8 oz ground almonds

Method Beat egg whites until stiff stir in sugar and almonds and egg yolks shape into little balls Bake in medium oven 15-20 mins.

COCONUT PYRAMIDS Ingredients ½ lb desiccated coconut 4 oz castor sugar 2 medium eggs

Method Mix all ingredients thoroughly Shape with damp hands Bake on a greased tray on medium or 350 for 30 mins or until they look ready

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Friday, April 27, 2012 The next two recipes are not typical Jewish recipes, but they were Bella's, and as they are tried, tested and delicious I thought that you might like to try them. The scones are to die for.!

BELLA'S SCONES (the best scones I've ever tasted)

Knead a little when mixed, but don't overdo it.

Shape and glaze with a little egg mix Bake on a medium heat until golden approx. 15 to 25 mins.

If adding the syrup (do try it), add it just before kneading with the egg mix.

HOMEMADE APRICOT JAM Ingredients Half lb dried apricots 1½ pints of cold water 1 ½ lbs pectin (jam) sugar ½ lemon

16 oz flour 4 oz butter 4 oz sugar 1 heaped tsp baking powder 2 eggs 10 tablespoons milk Sultanas or glace cherries to taste (toss in flour before adding to ingredients and they shouldn't drop to the bottom of scone) 2 tablespoons syrup (optional, but it makes them uniquely special)

Method Rub flour and butter together Add sugar, baking powder and dried fruit Beat eggs and milk together Add slowly to flour mix whilst mixing with your hand.

Ingredients 175 g (6 oz) milk chocolate 120 ml (4 fl oz) 1/2 cup single cream 750 ml (l 1/4 pints) 3 cups hot black coffee 2.5 ml (1/2 tsp) ground cinnamon whipped cream or ice, to serve

Method

Method

Ingredients

SPICED MOCHA DRINK

Cut apricots into small pieces Wash and soak overnight in one and a half pints of water Add sugar to the same water and boil gently Keeping stirring!!!, for 1 to 1½ hours if poss!

When nearly ready add the juice of half a lemon.

Test to see if ready by placing a little on a plate and seeing if it sets a little when it cools.

Makes 2-3 jars.

The restaurant at the Mazeltov, good luck Rojales Steakhouse is sitand enjoy! uated through either the front bar entrance or through the rear entrance, which takes you through the small, walled seating area.

The new owners, Chris and Michelle, have teamed up with the previous owners of the Captain’s Restaurant and Bar Benimar, Stuart and Richard.

Michelle, mother of Dillon and Keaton, has worked both in pubs and restaurants in the UK and also in Spain. And her husband Chris works as a painter and decorator, which leaves him time to live his passion of kite surfing.

Richard’s previous occupation of Retail Manager and Service Assessor in the UK are now far behind as since living in Spain he has done various jobs within the catering industry.

Stuart the Chef is well known for his excellent food preparation and presentation skills, having trained for various companies within the UK including the Trust House Forte Group.

One of Stuart’s well

1. Using a sharp knife, cut the chocolate into small pieces to enable it to melt quickly and evenly.

2. Put the chocolate into a double saucepan or a bowl set over a saucepan of almost simmering water. The base of the bowl should not touch the water.

3. Add the single cream to the chocolate melting in the bowl, then stir well to mix.

4. Continue to heat gently until the chocolate is melted and smooth, stirring occasionally. Remove the bowl from the heat.

5. Add the coffee and cinnamon to the chocolate and whisk until foamy. Divide between four serving glasses, then either serve hot with a spoonful of cream, or cool and chill, and serve over ice.

THE NEW STEAKHOUSE HAS REAL MEAL APPEAL

known signature dishes is large sea cod in a beer batter and served with chunky seasoned fries, mushy peas or salad leaf garnish and minted tartar sauce on the side.

Customers have been known to come from far and wide for the Fish and Chips as well as our Steaks, Burgers and onion rings.

The Restaurant is also now doing a Midweek Carvery and Sunday Carvery, both with a selec-

tion of meats and fresh vegetables. Desserts of the day include chocolate pudding, home-made apple crumble and custard and home-made cheesecake which Stuart is well known for, from private functions Three-course menus specially designed for groups and family occasions.

If you are getting married why not contact Michelle and we can prepare wedding menus individually created to your specific requirements.

To make a reservation or for further information, please call Michelle on (0034) 693815430 The best place to eat for the same great atmosphere and the same great service.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

TKO was asked to drive the crowds at the St. Georges day celebrations with the Tourism and Beaches Department of the Orihuela Town Hall.

Tune in all next week to hear our world famous TKO FM Power Play & TKO Gold Future Gold Track TKO FM - WEEKLY POWER PLAY Mandisa - Good Morning Grammy and Dove Award-nominated American pop and gospel singer issued her 3rd album ‘What If We Were Real’ last April. It was released five years to the day after she left the 5th season of American Idol.

TKO GOLD - FUTURE GOLD TRACK Jessie Baylin - Love Is Wasted On Lovers Here is the follow-up to ‘Hurry Hurry’ from Jessie’s new album ‘Little Spark’. According to National Public Radio, the LP “evokes a sound you might have heard 40 years ago, piercing through the static of your AM radio. The big string sections and angelic choruses are all there, echoing the hallmarks of classic orchestral pop. But ‘Little Spark’ is the work of a modern singer-songwriter”.

The day was a huge success and a BIG thank you goes out to all who attended and the entertainers and groups that gave up their time for the day.

TKO’s Fun Facts from April 1971 The UK Top 5 Singles from April 1971

1. Hot Love - T Rex 2. Bridget The Midget - Ray Stevens 3. Rose Garden - Lynn Anderson 4. Jack In The Box - Clodagh Rodgers 5. There Goes My Everything - Elvis Presley T Rex - "Hot Love" is a song by the British glam rock band T. Rex, released in 1971. It was the group's first number one on the UK Singles Chart, where it remained at the top for six weeks, the single, however, did not fare as well in the US, where it only peaked at number seventy-two on the Hot 100. It was also the first T. Rex single to feature both a bass guitar and drums. Its success was propelled by a legendary Top of the Pops appearance, where mainman Marc Bolan appeared in androgynous clothes and with a dab of glitter under each eye, further solidifying the style of glam rock.

On this day in 1971 - Eight members of the Welsh Language Society Wales are accused of conspiring to damage, remove or destroy English language road signs in Wales.

Find out next week what happend in 1972

Let’s see if you can win yourself a meal for two and a bottle of wine at Quesada Fish & Chips POP QUIZ April 28th Welcome to the famous TKO Gold pop quiz!

All you have to do is take the first letter from each answer to find the name of a band or artist. Once you have found the key word, listen in to Chris Ashley´s show on TKO Gold, Saturday mornings 9am – 12pm.

1. Nick Heyward was the lead singer with this group.

2. What is the name of the company that owns Parlophone.

3. Lead singer with the group Verve.

4. First world wide hit for Gene Vincent.

5. Debut album for Jimi Hendrix.

6. Home city for the Doors.

7. Who did Eric Clapton write Layla about 8. Who was on Electric Avenue in 1983.

9. In Fiddler On The Roof what kind of man did Topol want to be.

10. When Steve Winwood left the Spencer Davis group which supergroup did he form.

Friday, April 27, 2012

21

GUGGUL TREE BARK

TOXINS AND DETOXIFICATION: CHEMICALS May solve your high cholesterol problems

YOU must be kidding. Tree bark? This may sound a little outrageous, but the reality is, it's true. Over the last 200 years the bark of a unique tree, found in India and Arabia, has been used by health practitioners to treat heart ailments and more recently to lower LDL cholesterol. The resin from the bark of this unique tree is now commonly used in Western countries in naturally formulated supplements aimed at reducing high cholesterol levels, a major concern of more than 50 million Americans.

The myrrh tree is a small thorny tree, which grows about 5 feet tall, and is native to both Arabia and India. The bark of this tree produces a resin commonly known as guggul.

Guggul exhibits a rather amazing cholesterol lowering ability unlike any other natural substance. Numerous studies have shown that guggul significantly lowers triglycerides and cholesterol as well as LDL cholesterol (bad cholesterol). In human trials, using gugulipid, cholesterol levels dropped 14 to 27 percent in a 12-week study period while the triglyceride levels dropped from 22 to 30 percent. These results were produced with no significant change in exercise levels or diet.

Many naturopaths and holistic health practitioners regularly recommend guggul as it has a positive effect in preventing heart arteriosclerosis, or narrowing of the arteries along with its cholesterol lowering properties. In fact, some

doctors now believe that the herb actually improves cardiac muscle functioning and improves the pumping activity of the heart.

Today more and more people are turning toward natural cholesterol lowering supplements as a reliable alternative to the frequently prescribed prescription statin drugs which, while effective, often are accompanied by undesirable side effects including muscle cramps, upset stomach, headache and fatigue.

The choices and approaches for treating dangerous high cholesterol levels are many and anyone considering supplements or any other natural treatment for high cholesterol should consult with their physician and follow his guidance.

Herbal teas are not just tasty to drink, but they have long been known to have medicinal benefits.

Some of the most popular teas today include: Chamomile tea, a favourite if you have trouble sleeping. It has natural sedative, anti-inflammatory and anti-spasmodic properties and is good for cramps. Due to its calming effect, it is often used to help relieve anxiety. It is rich in essential oil and can help the digestive system function properly.

Chamomile is also very good for your skin; you can wet a cloth in the tea and use it as a skin cleanser or compress.

Ginger tea is reputed to be an aphrodisiac and can help freshen your breath. It has anti-fungal and anti-spasmodic properties and can help soothe upset stomachs by neutralizing acids and aiding digestion. Ginger treats colds and fevers and is an effective remedy for motion sickness, nausea from chemotherapy and sometimes morning sickness.

Ginger is anti-inflammatory and destroys many intestinal parasites. It normalizes blood pressure and helps support the liver, eases congestion in the throat and lungs, relieving symptoms of cold and flu, and helps alleviate menstrual discomfort.

Lemon balm tea will ease tension without causing drowsiness, aid digestion and soothe feverish conditions brought on by heavy colds and flu. The tea may help in the treatment of thyroid-related problems (though caution should be exercised by those on thyroid hormone treatment), in strengthen-

ing memory and other brain functions, and in enhancing and improving one's mood.

Drink peppermint tea after heavy meals to aid digestion, relieve bloating and prevent indigestion.

To relieve stomachaches, drink one cup of peppermint tea after meals. You can add one quart of tea to a bath to help treat skin ailments. Peppermint tea is also good for sore throats —use it as a gargle several times per day. When combined with elderflower, peppermint tea is particularly successful in relieving the symptoms of colds and flu.

Rosemary tea is often drunk at the start of day or when energy levels are starting to fall because of its pick-me-up qualities. Rosemary tea increases circulation and slightly raises the blood pressure, warming the body from the inside out. Internally, rosemary tea stimulates the liver and digestion, promotes blood circulation, tones up the blood vessels, invigorates, and increases your awareness. Use rosemary tea as a mouthwash for bad breath.

Guggul vs. Gugulipid: When selecting a product, look for one clearly marked as a gugulipid supplement and not guggul or guggulu — crude and unrefined forms of the resin that could easily contain toxic compounds. A dangerous loss of appetite, stomach pain, diarrhea, and rashes could develop from guggul or guggulu. Gugulipid, on the other hand, has been refined to contain only the active ingredients without the toxins. In rare cases, however, even gugulipid may cause side effects such as mild nausea, gas, diarrhea, hiccups, restlessness, anxiety, or headaches.

Do you know that scientists now estimate that there are 700 chemical contaminants present in the body of every single person alive today? This is true whether we live in a rural or isolated area, in the middle of a large city, or near an industrialized area. The fact that chemicals can enter the body and cause ill health has been known for centuries, but the knowledge has done very little to stop the explosion in the use of chemicals for every aspect of our lives. Because many chemicals have the ability to attach to dust particles or catch air and water currents and travel far from where they are produced or used, our planet is bathed in a chemical soup. Our bodies have no alternative but to absorb these chemicals and sometimes store them for long periods of time. Some chemicals or their breakdown products lodge in our bodies for only a short while before being excreted, while others are not readily excreted and can remain for years in our blood, fat tissue, semen, muscle, bone, brain tissue, or other organs. More often than not, we don't realize that we are being affected until we come down with a chronic disease after years of subtle and often consistent exposure to a combination of these toxins.

A report by the British Medical Journal estimates that 75 percent of most cancers are caused by environmental and lifestyle factors, including exposure to chemicals. In addition, during pregnancy, the chemicals stored in a woman's body have the ability to cross the placenta where they may cause harm. Some chemicals from a mother's body are also mobilized and transferred to the breasts as she produces breast milk. These chemicals are then transferred to the baby during breastfeeding causing serious illness such as asthma and allergies in the growing child.

Herbal Teas: The A2Z

Chemicals can have different effects in people depending on the amount, timing, duration, pattern of exposure as well as the properties of the specific chemical, and can have toxic effects through a variety of mechanisms. Most chemicals attack and damage or kills cells or tissues in the body, however, some chemicals attack the genetic material in the body, causing damage directly to the DNA, which may create an inheritable defect that is passed on to the next generation. This leads to gene changes, which can set in motion a sequence of events leading to cancer, birth defects, developmental or reproductive disorders.

Through these various mechanisms, toxic chemicals cause direct damage to the lungs, liver, kidney, bones, blood, brain and other nerves, and the reproductive systems. This in turn leads to serious illnesses which include cancer; high blood pressure; asthma; deficits in attention, memory, learning, and IQ; Parkinson's-like diseases; infertility; shortened lactation; endometriosis; genital malformation; peripheral nerve damage; and dysfunctional immune systems. For example, exposure of the unborn child to polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs) is related to behavioural and cognition problems later on in life and DDT exposure has been related to women's inability to produce sufficient breast milk.

It is impossible in this day to avoid environmental toxins and so what we can do is to reduce our exposure by recognising their sources and avoiding them, and detoxifying our body systems.

To find out more email: contact@medb.es or log into www.medb.es

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Friday, April 27, 2012

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Friday, April 27, 2012

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then.

Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Barry wanted to know whether there was any ADVICE: Derrick was having issues printing in Excel and way to tell whether emails he was receiving were legiti- Internet Explorer Hi Richard, I am having trouble printmate Hi Richard, I regularly receive emails that warn of impending doom, for example just this morning I received an email forwarded from a friend, so I know it’s not spam, telling me about a new virus that “burns the whole hard disc C of your computer”.

I don’t know whether it’s something that’s legitimate or whether its not, my friend knows much more about computers that me so I imagine that it’s legitimate, however it also seems so unbelievable – can you help?

Q

Hi Barry, you’re right to be suspicious, especially in this instance as this particular email is a hoax, I recognise it because it’s been going around for years and usually has a warning about opening an attachment called “POSTCARD”. The problem is that people receive these types of emails and think they are being helpful by sending them onto everyone in their address book – this simply has the effect of keeping the hoax going and bringing unnecessary worry to a whole bunch of other people. I tend to find that people are worried enough about Internet security and virus’s without having to deal with the number of additional hoax emails of this type.

So what can be done, well thankfully there is a good solution, www.hoax-slayer.com – this website tries to list and document all of the current hoax emails and Internet scams. All you have to do is type a few words from the subject line of the “suspect” email into your search box on the top right hand of the Hoax Slayer website and you will be given a list of emails that could match the one you have received. Click on the result that matches your email and read all about what Hoax Slayer think of the email, usually reading the brief analysis is sufficient to know whether the email you have received is genuine or not, however they also provide a detailed analysis if you are interested in reading more. Specifically regarding your email Hoax Slayer have the following to say “in spite of what may appear at first glance to be connections to a real malware threat, the information in this hoax email has no basis in fact. Forwarding it is entirely counterproductive because it serves only to spread misinformation and create confusion about the threat posed by the genuine malware emails.”

A

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Q

ing, my system is Windows Vista and IE8. When trying to print from Excel I get an error current printer is unavailable please select another printer, this I can do by selecting my printer and then the print works but I have to do this repeatedly. However If I try to print from the Internet I cannot find my printer in the dialogue box and it is not possible to print.

I have tried resetting my printer as the default but it does not seem to make a difference. Can you please help? Regards Derrick

A

Hi Derrick, it certainly sounds like something is very wrong with your printer set up. You have done the obvious things like check that the printer is set as the default printer, have you tried uninstalling your printer, restarting your computer and re-installing your printer? This should help reset any registry settings that are corrupt.

Another thing that you can check, specifically with regards to Internet Explorer is to run it as Administrator by following the steps below…

Close all Internet Explorer windows.

Click Start, click All Programs, right-click Internet Explorer and select Run As Administrator. …or by disabling protected mode by following the steps below…

Click the Tools icon in Internet Explorer Click the Security tab and uncheck the checkbox beside Enable Protected Mode (requires restarting Internet Explorer) Click Apply , and then click OK. Close all open Internet Explorer windows, and then restart Internet Explorer.

Browse to a website and try test printing a page while running as the Administrator. …after each of these steps you should try to print a page to see whether either help.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS Property sharks: Warning signals

Beware greedy estate agents It has become quite apparent that some unscrupulous estate agents on the Costa Blanca have turned the estate agency business into a dog-eat-dog situation.

They no longer act on behalf of the seller, but go out of their way to satisfy the buyers at the expense of the duped sellers. They no longer act as professionals but now choose avarice as their priority.

On approaching these estate agents to put your property on the market, the following tactics are used to get you to reduce your asking price.

First they would try to indicate to you that your property is not situated in a good marketable area. Next they will point out similar properties in nearby areas they have sold at 40,000 to 100,000

euros cheaper than your asking price.

This is particularly surprisingly as at this stage, they haven't even seen the condition of your property, If you agree to use these agents to market your property, a quick visit is made, photos taken and the details of your property are displayed and that's it.

Even if you are lucky enough to have a viewing, you will never have any feedback, if it is not purchased. You have to then contact the agent to find out the outcome.

I would advise sellers not to reveal their personal circumstances to estate agents as this could be used to advise a potential buyer of your desperation to sell, giving them some indication as to how low an offer they can make.

On top of all these underhand practices, there is the new approach of estate agent charges.

Many are now asking €10,000 to market properties claiming double agent fees.

My advice to sellers is not to succumb to these adverse tactics .The buyers have the money.

Most are from countries that are not affected by the eurozone crisis and have staggering high rates of exchange. They can afford to pay a much higher price than they are now offering.

To the buyers of cheap properties, I say BEWARE as within the next five years of purchase, you could be faced with a hefty demand for complimentary tax from the taxman.

Seller, don't give your property away. Stick to your asking price.

GA, Benijofar.

BRITISH KILLJOY SHAMES US ALL

I LIVE on urb. El Raso, near Guardamar del Segura, which is a quietish place that had plenty of pubs etc until the recession bit.

Since then, we have been reduced to two restaurants and three pubs/cafes. All are struggling and are constantly striving to eke out a living, provide a service to the communities and hence are constantly striving to attract customers (the same is possibly/probably true for all urbs).

Recently, one pub went ‘off the wall’ and provided a couple of guys singing and playing music for (shall we say) the older generation on a Friday, which is a notoriously quiet night on El Raso. The music, as you can imagine was quiet, unobtrusive and could not possibly offend anyone. I know, I have been once but I have to confess, it is not my cup of tea.

However, the people who do go are mostly senior citizens - and see this as a night out that suits them.

Jayne Lilley of Ricardo’s Some person, after this had been running for several weeks, decided to report it to the police, who duly came and despite commenting that they could hear nothing outside, sent everyone home, by stopping the music.

Bar loses valuable revenue and guests lose a nice night out for absolutely no reason whatsoever except malice.

A similarly unwarrented complaint prevented the owners from having a

Don’t sign up to an exclusive contract as that limits your property’s exposure to potential buyers.

Three percent of the sale price is the average commission charged, with a minimum fee of between 3,000 to 5,000 euros.

Pick an agent that is prepared to be flexible with l SEE GRUMPY OLD GRAN, commissions; at our agency if a sale is stalling PAGE 7 because of the price, then we are willing to reduce our fee to make the sale go through.

Use your best judgment.

If they look and talk like they should be back in the “Wild West“, then you are comes in a couple of weeks later with the probably talking to purpose of doing the same thing.

“Cowboys”, so always try Only this time this is the genuine article to use an agent that someand the man advises that the extinguishers one can recommend. we now have are useless, so now we have Most agencies have to purchase new extinguishers. weathered the bad times I checked at the ayuntamiento and they and are now looking for a did not appear to be aware of this scam. long term future.

SHOP OWNER, Playa Flamenca I know we are hoping our children will join the company in due course, The Editor and Management because, let’s face it, Spain of The Courier do not neces- is still a great place to live.

PHILL SMIRK sarily agree with the views The Property Shop expressed on this page Spain, El Raso branch.

singer at their daughter’s wedding during the day. The poor girl was in tears; it completely ruined her day.

I hope the perpetrators are proud of themselves. They know who they are - British of course and English to boot (as I am), as no other nation would do this to each other.

It makes one speculate that their leaving the UK party was possibly a fairly decent night out but the ‘friends’ party when they actually got on the plane must have been a bel-

ter.

They ought to be thoroughly ashamed of themselves, making sure the bar owners do not earn a couple of bob but more mportantly perhaps, denying people possibly their only night out every week.

Once again, the British make me feel ashamed to be British.

KEITH H. El Raso

The little shop of horrors (of the fire extinguisher kind) CAN you advise your readers of yet another scam that appears to be doing the rounds?

This one especially affects small shops, bars/cafes, offices and the like.

A couple of officially dressed men walk in and say they have come to check the fire extinguishers, which they remove from the premises and return shortly afterwards with new extinguishers.

Another man, again with official looking badge and documentation, comes in at this time and writes out a factura, demands payment and says that the official documentation will be delivered in a couple of days’ time.

Then, as in our case, another company

I AGREE with the writer of the article, that a few dishonest people are giving the majority of agencies a bad name.

Anybody can force an owner’s selling price down and then make a quick sale, but when you are working on a percentage commission basis it is in the agent’s best interest to obtain the highest price for the owner.

This is the philosophy we have successfully adopted at “The Property Shop Spain“ and it has helped us build our business through referrals and recommendations to the point where we have just opened our second branch on the El Raso urbanisation.

There are a few things to avoid when putting your property on the market for the first time. Never pay any fees upfront because the agent then has no incentive to actively market your property.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

editor@thecourier.es

COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS Cleaners bridge the gap

Where Heiko has it wrong MR. Heiko Schmidt’s letter, published last week under the title ‘CLARO’S Downhill Slide’, deserves a reply.

Heiko Schmidt was a well respected member of CLARO for some time and I regret personally that he resigned from the party. He was very helpful in ensuring communications with our German-speaking members and was invited to join our Extended Committee (some 30 members). He declined the invitation on the grounds that he was not able to give the same commitment to work for the party which other members give.

He preferred to stay on the sidelines where he later caused some unpopularity for himself for his criticism of our most respected German founding member.

His proposals for changes in the CLARO statutes were considered by the Extended Committee and statutory Executive Committee (seven members) in preparation for last November’s Annual General Meeting and were not sup-

I THOUGHT that when the Councillor for the Coast resigned, we would have chaos here in Orihuela. I was expecting dirt and filth ported. There was no support either for his view that I had to build up everywhere. violated CLARO statutes.

When I saw the ugly Heiko Schmidt resigned from the party before last year’s posters appearing again Annual General Meeting where he would have been able to on the bridges I felt "this is present his views as a member, as indeed he has done at the beginning of the end".

I was wrong, a team of previous AGMs. I think he saw the writing on the wall and realised his pro- cleaners was out cleaning the bridges last week and posals for reforms were not shared by CLARO members. they are all brand-new As to his prediction that CLARO is on a downhill side, I again. think he ignores the very crucial importance of the CLARO Well done, council workvote in the current Town Council. It is decisive in determining ers and all who are the majority on issues put to the vote. involved in keeping our If he thinks I will not use this position in the next three streets and bridges clean.

Well done also, years to bring about the maximum benefit for Orihuela Councillor for Tourism and Costa, he is mistaken. Watch this space!

BOB HOULISTON, Councillor and CLARO President Beaches. I heard that you

are the driving force on the coast now.

I was beginning to lose faith in CLR-CLARO who I voted for - but at least the CLR part are keeping their end up.

These ugly posters all seem to be for businesses in Torrevieja, maybe someone would start a campaign to boycott them.

PAULINE CLINTON

HAVE A REST, BOB

A little self-criticism can sometimes be healthier than pointing the finger

Pedro Mancebo at Monday’s St George’s Day celebrations’

BEFORE I start, I think it only fair to mention that I am now enjoying, in my opinion, my wellearned retirement from the medical profession.

Now I can sit back and observe without having to interact.

However, what I am observing is not healthy - and certainly not for people of our age.

I am referring to the politics in Orihuela Costa and the behaviour of a certain gentleman, Mr. Bob Houliston. I fear that if he does not take a step back and take time for reflection, he is going to make himself seriously ill.

It is normal during our lifetime that we make mistakes or make the wrong decisions; we are only human after all.

However, what we cannot do is always blame someone else for our shortcomings, always blame someone else when we are not able to obtain our own goals.

May I politely suggest that this type of behaviour is verging on obsession and that Mr. Houliston takes time for reflection and perhaps self criticism instead of always pointing the finger at someone else.

You might just experience how satisfying this could be, Mr. Houliston. As mentioned above this is my observation and hopefully good advice to Mr. Houliston.

MARTIN KHAN, Quesada

‘Bob Houliston criticised once again his favourite protagonist, Councillor Pedro Mancebo.

Who would have thought it?

A 50c plea for our forgotten heroes at street party time

On June 5, the Queen’s Jubilee will take place with her troops. There will be many parties all over England celebrating a special day.

I thought it might be a good opportunity for local people here to pay a tribute to the forgotten heroes who have left the forces for various reasons, have no home, job or prospects.

Many are living rough and feel, for various reasons, that they have no hope in life.

Many are young people who will never forget what they have seen or have been told they have to terminates their service.

SOLDIERS ON THE STREETS (Charity No. 1137594) have rescued approximately 30 since the end of last year and in total have helped over 100 all over the UK. More are arriving every day. They rescue them from the streets, feed and clothe them if necessary and then the hard work starts, trying to find accommodation and work and whatever other needs they may have.

If everyone at a party put 50 cents into a collection box, each coin representing a forgotten person, what a lovely sum could be raised to help

carry out this work which is totally voluntary, exhausting and very frustrating at times but very satisfying when a result is achieved.

These people need help at the time they are either found or they request it - not in three months or more.

SOLDIERS OFF THE STREET is a voluntary organisation - every £1 raised is spent well.

Donations can be sent by cheque to SOLDIERS OFF THE STREET, 21A Chester Street, Wrexham LL13 8BG or call 966789063 RUTH REID

The man who would be King

SURPRISE, SURPRISE! Our ex Councillor for the Coast Bob Houliston, who resigned from the legally elected government of Orihuela to join the PP and support Monica Lorente, had yet another rant in your newspaper last week.

He criticised once again his favourite protagonist Councillor Pedro Mancebo. Who would have thought it?

It would appear he has nothing better to do with his time these days other than to write letters maligning Sn. Mancebo. Unfortunately for Bob and his twisted version of the facts, the CLR leader and active deputy mayor has out-witted Bob at every turn and showed him up as someone who could not be trusted to deliver his election promises to the people of the coast.

Hence the many relevant CLARO members that have left him alone in his personal dispute with Mancebo and in his run for absolute power in the coast, causing him to desperately back the PP of Monica Lorente.

Now that his resignation from the council has lasted a lot longer than he anticipated due to his new convenience political ally Lorente not being back in power as she schemed to do; what else can he do?

This is all he can offer his 800 voters now - excuses, moaning, blaming, lies and unjustified criticism. He once described Lorente as a corrupt politician, quite a turnaround for the CLARO leader. I now understand he hides behind the word “alleged” to justify his support for his new best pal.

People should look at the CLARO website and newsletters and search for that word relating to Monica.

I can tell you that you won’t find it. It would appear Mr Houliston has nothing better to do than to continue his hate campaign against the councillor who actively and effectively, without crying for competences and budget, is making a difference for the people of Orihuela Costa, unlike him.

Bob has proven in the last ten months that he was ineffective and useless in the job and now it would appear he is bitter that he is not back in power, but this time being in control of every council department for Orihuela Costa like his new best friend Monica promised him. The man who would be King, right enough!

Do us all a favour Bob, you had your shot and failed, so stop blaming Mancebo or anyone else for your own failings.

You only win public support when you keep your faith with the people who trusted you with their vote. It is time someone told Bob Houliston that. It is not all about him.

ALAN N McPHAIL, Orihuela Costa

26

Friday, April 27, 2012

WHAT THE UK

UK PLUNGED INTO DOUBLE-DIP SLUMP DAVID Cameron described Britain’s slump into the first double-dip recession since the 1970s as “very, very disappointing” on Wednesday.

The Sun

Time for Strictly Bussell Dancing

the year. That is the second successive quarterly drop — signalling a Opposition leader Ed Miliband said the recession. double-dip was proof the Government’s ausIn the Commons, Mr Miliband said terity plan had failed. the contraction was “a recession made But the PM and Chancellor George by the Prime Minister and the Osborne insisted the Government would Chancellor in Downing Street”.

Daily Mail Mr Cameron responded: “These are stick to it to get on top of the nation’s debts.

George Osborne: DARCEY Bussell has Official figures out today showed output very, very disappointing figures. I don’t Admits the recovery reportedly signed a FELL 0.2 per cent in the first three months of seek to excuse them. I don’t seek to try is taking longer £100,000 deal to replace to explain them away. than he had hoped Alesha Dixon on the “It is very difficult recovDaily Mail judging panel of Strictly ering from the deepest Come Dancing. recession in living memoThe 42-year-old ballery, accompanied as it was rina, who previously by a debt crisis.” appeared on the panel Mr Osborne admitted the for a brief period three recovery was taking longer RUPERT Murdoch on Wednesday recalled when an than hoped. He will be praying years ago, is said to be 'unbalanced' Gordon Brown 'declared war' on his experts are right in predicting set to temporarily reloDIABETES will cost the NHS more than a sixth of its media empire after it switched sides to support the this downturn will not be as cate from her current entire budget by 2035, a report has found.

Tories at the last election. home in Sydney, severe as 2008/09.

The disease and its complications account for 10% Mr Murdoch, appearing before the Leveson inquiry, Australia, for the role.

The preliminary figures, (£9.8 billion) of NHS spending, but this is projected to described claims that Mr Brown had “roared at him which could be revised up or It is believed that rise to £16.9 billion, or 17%, over the next 25 years. for 20 minutes” as a “colourful exaggeration”. mother-of-two Darcey down later, come after City The Impact Diabetes report also considered the indirect But he did recount in detail the conversation he had bosses predicted the econotook some persuasion costs of living with the condition, including those related with the former Prime my would GROW 0.1 per cent. by the BBC before to increased death and illness, the loss of income from Minister. agreeing to the role, left Mr Osborne said: “It’s tak- stopping work, and the need for informal care. It found The 81-year-old media ing longer than anyone hoped open after former judge these extra burdens brought the total to £23.7 billion, mogul recalled how Mr to recover from the biggest Alesha agreed to move predicted to rise to £39.8 billion by 2035/36.

Brown asked: “Do you debt crisis of our lifetime. Over to the Britain’s Got Barbara Young, chief executive of Diabetes UK, said: know what’s going on many years this country built Talent panel on ITV for “Without urgent action, the already huge sums of money here?” when the front up massive debts, which we £300,000. being spent on treating diabetes will rise to unsustainpage of The Sun was pub- are having to pay off.” able levels that threaten to bankrupt the NHS.” lished declaring support for David Cameron in September 2009.

Mr Murdoch said he replied: “I’m not aware of what they’re saying, but I’m ASPIRIN can reduce the chances of that costs mere pennies per day.

Daily Express sorry to tell you Gordon we will support a change of dying from bowel cancer by almost a Sarah Lyness, executive director government if there is an election.” study looked at 4,500 bowel cancer policy and information at Cancer third, research has shown.

Mr Murdoch said Mr Brown responded: “Well, your Research UK, said: “This latest evidenPatients who took a daily dose of the patients in the Netherlands. company has declared war on the government. We Lead researcher Dr Gerrit-Jan Liefers, ce suggests the drug not only reduces painkiller for at least nine months after have no alternative but to declare war on your company.” Mr Murdoch responded: “I’m sorry to hear that being diagnosed cut the likelihood of from Leiden University Medical Centre, the risk of dying from cancer, but can Netherlands, said: "Our findings could also help prevent the disease from devethe disease killing them by 30%.

Gordon.” The call ended.

Taking aspirin for any length of time have profound clinical implications. In loping.” But, she cautioned, people to Mr Murdoch said today: “I did not think he was in a reduced the odds of dying by 23% com- this study, we showed the therapeutic talk to their GP before taking aspirin as very balanced state of mind.” pared with not taking aspirin at all. The effect of a widely available, familiar drug there can be complications.

War was declared by ‘unbalanced’ Brown

Diabetes care costs may bankrupt NHS

Aspirin offers bowel cancer hope

Friday, April 27, 2012

TABLOIDS SAY

MARATHON HELP FOR CLAIRE FUND Runner’s tragic death prompts flood of donations Daily Mirror MORE than 50,000 donations have now been made to the chosen charity of the woman who died during the London Marathon, with £600,000 raised by Tuesday.

Claire Squires, 30, was described as “an incredible, inspirational, beautiful and driven person” by her grieving family.

She collapsed in Birdcage Walk, near St James's Park, on the final stretch of the 26.2-mile course on Sunday.

Miss Squires was running to raise money for the Samaritans because her mother Cilla has volunteered with the organisation for more than 20 years.

Donations on Miss Squires' page on the JustGiving website soared as news of her death spread, increasing the total from just £500 on Sunday.

Monday saw the largest number of donations received in a single day on the website, with more than 10,000 people donating together at any given time.

Miss Squires’ death comes after her brother Grant died in 2001. A coroner recorded an open verdict into the death of the 25-year-old, who was reportedly

Claire Squires: Tragic death

a drug user and had become depressed after being involved in a car crash in which his girlfriend was killed.

Miss Squires’ family said in a statement: “Claire would be so happy and overwhelmed with the incredible support that has been offered by thousands of people from all over the world.

Tests to establish why Miss Squires collapsed are expected to take place in the coming days.

She died with the finishing line only one bend away, after 25 miles of the marathon.

Miss Squires is the 11th participant to die since the event began in 1981.

27

Doc finds holy grail of female sexuality and proves G-spot is real NO wonder it’s notoriously difficult to find. A doctor claims to have proved the G-spot really does exist – but says it measures a meagre 8.1mm by 3.6mm by 1.5mm.

The American gynaecologist discovered the elusive erogenous zone during a post-mortem examination.

The tiny piece of tissue, said to be rich in nerve endings, has caused fascination and frustration in equal measure since its existence was first mooted more than 60 years ago.

Many scientists and doctors have doubted it is real, while magazines have promoted it as the holy grail of female sexual pleasure.

Two years ago, a large-scale British study concluded that the G-spot was a figment of women’s imagination.

But the new study, published in the

Daily Mail Journal of Sexual Medicine, claims it does exist after all – and its location, on the front wall of the vagina, is where sex experts have long said it was.

Gynaecologist Adam Ostrzenski made the discovery during an examination of an elderly Polish woman who had died from a head injury.

He said: “This study confirmed the anatomic existence of the G-spot, which may lead to a better understanding and improvement of female sexual function.”

He plans further dissections next month, and will carry out tests on hormones, chemicals and nerve endings to investigate whether the functioning of the G-spot varies with age.

e misery c fa s e id r b g in d d e Royal w who got ONE in eight couples time as e sam hitched at the already are te Ka d Wills an s. eal rev regretting it, a poll has dy stu g kin The shoc and ke Du emerged as the re pa pre ge rid Duchess of Camb ing dd we t firs ir the e rat to celeb ay. anniversary on Sund t nearly tha ed eal It also rev d wives an ds an sb hu ten one in ughts tho d on start having sec just er aft ot kn the ng about tyi

couples. stability it once did for s and de itu “Changing att couan me s on ati high expect and n gri to SIX MONTHS. ples are less likely of s, and ne ip -Jo sh an on em ati Rosie Fre bear their rel which, om e.” s.c ris ter the un co on is En e Illicit remors poll, said: reason commissioned the The most common of lot a cying t fan s tha wa ts ar ub cle do “It’s for having o marriage e. els e couples rushed int on some the excitemen and last year following More than half of d an ing dd we women of rd thi a n ment of the royal tha more that ret reg to secret a ing g liv are now admitted to havin . ion cis de crush. ing the “Marriage isn’t provid

The Sun

Cops say Maddie may be alive as new pic is released SCOTLAND Yard say there is evidence Madeleine McCann could still be ALIVE as they released this picture of what she might look like now, aged nine.

Commander Simon Foy said there was a possibility she could still be found as the British police team called on by David Cameron to review the case urged the

The Sun Portuguese authorities to restart their search.

They said the probe, called Operation Grange, has uncovered 195 “investigative opportunities”.

Commander Foy added: “Most significantly, the message we want to bring to you is that, on the evi-

dence, there is a possibility that she is alive and we desperately need your help today to appeal directly to the public for information to support our investigation.”

An artist's impression, revealed by cops today, shows how a nineyear-old Maddie’s appearance may have changed since she went missing from her parents’

holiday villa aged three.

A spokesman for the McCanns said they were pleased with the new image.

Det Chief Insp Andy Redwood, heading the review ordered by the PM last year, said he believed her disappearance was a case of stranger abduction and could still be solved.

28

Friday, April 27, 2012

Rascals stage variety spice FANS of musical theatre will love the Rascals’ latest Variety show, A Night at the Musicals.

Filled with music, dance and comedy from many of the best-loved musicals, the show is sure to be one of the most entertaining nights out around.

The Rascals will perform numbers from Hello Dolly, The Sound of Music, Brigadoon, Anything Goes, Starlight Express, Mamma Mia! and many more hit shows.

For the first time the Rascals have invited the Carmen Lorente Dance School to perform with them. Dancers from the school will perform to a couple of numbers from operettas performed by the society. In 2003, Mary Poppins in the first he moved to the other side of the baton and half of the show and treat appeared on stage as Guiseppe Palmieri in the audience to an Irish The Gondoliers. As all cast members were dance in the second half. retired expats, the combined ages of the two This colourful extravagondoliers looking for brides was 137 years. ganza can be seen first at Cyril warned his fellow gondolier not to add the School of Music and up the ages of the ‘maidens’ they had to Culture in Los Montesinos choose brides from. on May 3 and 4 and then for Susan Brace Guest was born and raised two performances in in Wales. She read music at Reading Torrevieja on June 15 and University and studied piano and viola at the 16 at Virgen del Carmen.

London Guildhall School of Music and Los Montesinos ticket Drama. She worked as a viola player in the Gulbenkian Orchestra in Portugal and with sales will support Adismon the Welsh National Opera. She has also and Age Concern, and freelanced with many other orchestras and Torrevieja shows will supchamber music groups. She toured for six port Alzheimer’s.

All shows start at 7.30pm months with the West End Production of and tickets, which cost six South Pacific.

Susan retired to live in Spain in 2002, euros, can be reserved by becoming full time accompanist to the Gilbert calling Sue on 96 678 4874.

For further information & Sullivan Society in March of that year.

Both will be greatly missed by the mem- visit The Rascals website at www.therascals.info bers of the Gilbert & Sullivan Society.

CURTAIN CLOSES ON COMIC OPERA DUO THE Gilbert & Sullivan Society is losing two of its most important members as both its musical director and piano accompanist have decided it’s time to move on.

Moving on...Cyril Willoughby and Susan Brace Guest

Cyril Willoughby has been musical director since the society started 17 years ago, and Susan Brace Guest has been piano accompanist for the past ten years.

Cyril and his wife Cindy are returning to the UK to be near family. And while Susan is staying in Spain, she wants more free time with husband Ted to travel.

Judy Phillips takes over as musical director.

Cyril has spent a lifetime singing, starting as a choirboy in Northern Ireland, then taking part in music festivals, oratorios and operas. He has sung on BBC radio and television.

He moved to Spain in 1993, joined the Barbershop Harmonisers, formed the Torrevieja Choral group and was a founding member of Torrevieja Gilbert & Sullivan Society, soon becoming musical director.

He has conducted all but one of the

PETANCA’S FOR THE MEMORY

PCN’ new feat for your feet...

THE Peacocks Petanca Club held a mixed pairs competition at their Restaurante El Alto La Dolores base on Tuesday in memory of Richard Norris, who died at the club a year ago.

Before play started, club members gathered together to give Richard a round of applause. Later, after handing in their competition results, contestants enjoyed lunch at El Raso restaurant.

Dave Collins, who had arranged the format of the day, proposed a toast to absent friends. He was thanked by Barry Tolson for his hard work - and Dave then announced the results.

Our picture shows Marjory Norris presenting the engraved trophies to the winning pair of Alan Flitman and June Poultney.

PAUL Cunningham Nurses are calling on the community to lend them their feet again - for their inaugural Rojales to Quesada Walk.

The vent is on Sunday May 6, with registration at 10.30am and the action beginning at 11.15.

The 5km (3 miles) walk starts from Tu Cantina in the Rojales Thursday Market car park, and includes a short pleasant stroll along the river, then around the golf course and into Rojales to the waterwheel.

It’s all on the flat, suitable for everyone and those who cannot walk too far can opt for a shorter route of 1km or 2.5km.

With stops along the way for a free tapa at the North and South, the Bridge Bar and finally at Tu Cantina, this is a fun walk for all the family. Come in costume if you like - there is a host of prizes to be won on the day! It is just €5 to register. For more information and a sponsor form please call or email 639 318 526 or sueinthesun@hotmail.co.uk

Club’s tribute to Richard

Picture by Colin Whitfield CASA VENTURA is the venue for a spectacular evening in San Luis on May 15 to raise funds for vital sound equipment for the Rojales Pantomime Group, which itself raises a lot of money for charity. The event will be

hosted by Lynden B and artists include Lorna Michelle, Dave E Moss, Tony Frances, Emily Huffmann, Rockin Rupert & Lou Lou. Tickets are €6 which includes a one-course meal.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

Secret show must be seen THE Cardenal Belluga Theatre Group will present its latest production, Here We Go Again, a Night of Musical Variety, on May 25 in the theatre at San Fulgencio.

The group say they are really excited as this show will be something very different.

They’re not giving much away, though, and say: “You’ll just have to come along and see for yourselves.”

With ticket prices slashed to six euros they are likely to sell fast, so don’t miss this opportunity of a great evening out.

Doors will open at 7.30pm

and the show will start at 8pm.

As always, money from ticket sales will go to local charities.

Tickets are on sale at La Marina Tourist Office, K9 Shop and Butterfly Children’s Shop, all in La Marina. Or call Maria on 966 715 891, or email mariamosley3@hotmail.com

A FUN day at AJ’s Bar on La Marina Urb on May 5 will raise money for the needy of San Fulgencio.

Starting from 3pm, the bar in Calle Madrid will be filled with the sounds of local entertainers - all giving their time free of charge.

Darren Jones will sing Michael Buble, while Andy will bring Buddy Holly and Marc Bolan back to life.

Also joining the fun will be Cherry K and line dancing with Angie and her girls. There will be loads of stalls,

A fun day to feed families plus a raffle and tombola.

All proceeds will go to a scheme run by San Fulgencio Town Hall to help people unable to feed themselves and their families.

Anyone able to offer a tombola or raffle prize should call Pauline on 660 934 615 or visit the bar.

UNFROZEN ASSETS MABS thaws Iceland for big donations

MABS goes to Iceland: Easter Fun Day was a big success just ask Lisa, Simon (assistant manager) and Lauren

EASTER Saturday saw the Iceland Overseas store in San Javier host an Easter Fun Day in aid of MABS Cancer Support Group. The in-store event raised €515 through bag-packing, a prize raffle and customer donations.

A host of fun activities throughout the day included an Easter egg hunt, a decorate the Easter egg competition, an Easter bonnet parade and food tasting. Entertainment was provided by Andy at Sound Waves, who got customers humming along as they stocked up on those last-minute Easter essentials and everyday Iceland bargains.

MABS was founded in 1999 and now has an extensive network of volunteers and supporters along Spain’s Mediterranean coast, from Valencia to Gibraltar.

Its cancer-support volunteers have been touched by cancer themselves, so can talk to those affected with deep understanding.

They know how it feels to be told you have cancer, or that someone close to you has been diagnosed with it.

MABS volunteers help allay anxieties and concerns before, during and after treatments, and are there when needed. Drivers, translators and other help is offered, and hospital equipment provided for free.

The Iceland Overseas store, San Javier plans more events for MABS in 2012.

Bar is proud to go to the dogs BAR Montgomery’s in Formentera is holding a charity dog racing night tonight (Friday) in aid of Emaus and the children in the orphanage in Elche.

Montgomery’s was opened by Steve and Caroline Montgomery (pictured) in March 2011.

The pair turned the Spanish tapas bar into a popular English bar.

Montgomery’s is now known for its English beers and delicious English breakfasts and meals.

The bar’s speciality is a good steak, which it serves up at its Saturday steak nights.

The bar also holds popular weekly quiz nights so its customers can keep their

Soul food

PAUL Cunningham Nurses Charity is looking for therapist and stallholders to take part in a Spirit, Body and Soul exhibition at El Corazon Hotel, Quesada in October. brains working while having fun.

The exhibition will have a The charity dog race starts at around range of therapists, medi8.30pm and entry is free.

Steve, Caroline and their friendly team ums, card readers and stalls.

Anyone interested in parare waiting to welcome you so they can raise as much money as possible for this ticipating can contact Tricia on leesinspain@hotmail.com good cause.

FORMER English Football League official John Atkinson was on top of the world in Santiago de la Ribera, Murcia when he got his hands on two of the most pretigious football trophies on the planet.

“To get hold of both the World Cup and European Champions Cup was a dream moment," said John, 57, who served 25 years as a linesman and referee.

Spain are holders of the World Cup (left) while Barcelona are reigning European champions.

Promises, promises at HAH’s latest fundraiser HAH held its first Auction of Promises last week and raised €560 euros thanks to some fantastic pledges from local businesses.

The auction took place at Novo Carthago restaurant in Los Urrutias.

Up for grabs were promises including taxi runs, painting, gardening, building work, pool cleaning, laundry, chiropody, dancersize classes, portrait sitting and hairdressing.

Paul Eburne, president of HAH thanked Ivor Baker for auctioneering, all the people who bid and all the amazing businesses and friends of HAH who gave their time and

support so generously on the night.

He said: “This was a new idea for HAH and will definitely be repeated. During these difficult times, people were able to bid for air conditioning, a gas boiler and car servicing for a fraction of the price. For example, a taxi run from Alcazares to Alicante airport went for just €30.

We cannot thank people enough for all their support.”

It was a good week for HAH as the following night a quiz, which raised €350, was held at the Vereda Restaurant in Sucina, organised by local volunteer Heather.

These quizzes are now held regularly and Paul thanked Heather and her team for all the hard work they do in the Sucina area, both raising much-needed funds and helping HAH’s clients around Sucina.

“We have a brilliant team of volunteers who have made HAH the success it is, but we are always looking for more volunteers, to help with both caring and fundraising”, said Paul.

If you could spare a little time to help HAH, call Angela on 603 517 770, or email helpathomespain@gmail.com for more information.

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Friday, April 27,16, 2012 Friday, December 2011

MG Icon revealed to rival Nissan's Juke MG has revealed a bold crossover concept car called Icon at the Beijing Motor Show, which has created such a stir that many are already tipping it for a 2014 launch.

The Icon is a compact crossover that's a direct rival to the Nissan Juke. It has been shown in concept form at the Beijing show to launch the next phase in the relaunch of MG - one that will lead to many more new production MGs in the future.

The Icon is MG's way of grabbing plenty of publicity for its bold future plans. Significantly though, a spokesman said it's based on a production-ready platform derived from the MG5 hatchback.

This means the proportions and basic outline already fit something that could become reality - joining the many other new MGs the firm is planning to launch...

the show and in other places we'll take it to."

He did say that styling features from the Icon, such as the distinctive front end design, could end up appearing on future MGs. But many are expecting the company to go further: some are actually suggesting a production date of 2014 for a showroom-ready version of the bold MG Icon.

Is the MG Icon genuinely British?

What is the MG Icon like inside?

The Icon has head-turning 'suicide' rear doors, which open out a bit like the original Mazda RX-8's doors. These rear-hinged rear doors reveal a four-seater cabin that has a clever rear deck arrangement - the seats fold flat to create a sturdy load bay.

Up front, the dashboard is shaped like a twin-cowl classic car, and has touch-sensitive surfaces that are a modern touch, albeit unlikely to make production.

However, like the outside, the rest of the interior doesn't seem too far beyond the realms of possibility. Many at the Beijing Motor Show are thus putting two and two together...

Will MG make the Icon?

At the moment, the MG Icon is, officially, purely a concept car. "A decision on production is some way down the line," said designer Tony Williams.

"We will wait and see what the reaction to Icon is here at

The MG Icon can rightly claim to be more British than most other concept cars.

Not only does it reference models from MG's past, it was also largely designed at the MG Motor design studio in Birmingham.

It is based on the promising MG5 platform - which was also designed and engineered in the UK. It is more 'British' than many people first think.

The MG Icon was apparently inspired following a visit from MG parent company SAIC, who were intrigued by some of the historic models from MG's past. This is why the MG Icon deliberately references some of the firm's classics.

There could be more on the cards too, added Williams: there will be more MGs, and when asked whether we'll see another MGB in the future, he said: "I hope so".

Friday, April 27, 2012

31

Gone like the wind WHAT IS IT?

THIS extraordinary windpowered car can reach speeds of nearly 90mph.

The home-built contraption is the brainchild of 90 year-old Chinese farmer Tang Zhengping, and was born out of his love for electronic gadgets.

Range-extending hybrids are all the rage these days, proven by the Chevrolet Volt and Vauxhall Ampera's success in winning European Car of the Year 2012. Mr Zhengping chose to take on the challenge of building a range-extender himself, creating this efficient but quirky blue vehicle as a result.

The wind-powered car measures 3m long, stands just 1m tall and took just three months to design and build.

The car is powered by a combination of batteries and electric generators, supplying power to the wheels via an electric motor.

The large spinning fan at the front rotates when the car is in motion - due to air hitting the blades - providing energy to charge the batteries or support electricity generation. In addition to the front fan, the car also uses 'solar energy wings' to store up power.

The car's twin generators and batteries charge in turn, while the other is powering the vehicle.

According to Zhengping, the car's maximum speed is 140kph - that's 87mph.

How far the wind-powered vehicle would actually travel at those speeds without needing a recharge and how long it would take to get there - is open to debate, however.

Zhengping reckons his electric creation 'lasts longer than a normal electric car, which usually doesn't have generators.'

With the car's fan and wings providing extra electricity when in motion, the vehicle's batteries only need charging every two to three days, according to the Chinese farmer.

There's no 'official' measured range yet, but even

Ever since Porsche made a packet from the Cayenne offroader, the uber-premium makers have been clamouring to get a piece of the action. At Geneva Bentley unveiled its EXP 9 F concept and now for the Beijing Motor Show Lamborghini has rolled out its very own SUV called the Urus.

driving moderate distances, a recharge only every two to three days is pretty impressive.

Its range might be better than a Nissan Leaf then (don't take our word for it though), but it certainly isn't as practical as the Japanese EV. The wind-powered car is only a single seater, and with no roof and a decidedly home-built feel, we're not

sure Mr Zhengping's creation would be the safest of vehicles on the chaotic roads of Beijing.

With potential for high voltage electricity to be coursing through the chassis if Zhengping hasn't got his wiring right, we think we'd probably stick to more conventional electric, rangeextending and hybrid vehicles.

With a rapidly burgeoning

economy, China has an unrelenting hunger for energy, and as a result produces huge amounts of pollution.

The country pumped ÂŁ30 billion into wind power infrastructure last year though, and if Zhengping's concept gets picked up and refined by a major manufacturer, it could certainly help reduce pollution in major cities.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 22 represents G and 2 represents Z, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Ailing (4) 3 Highest point (8) 9 Window covering (7) 10 Stage play (5) 11 Higher than (5) 12 Adjusts finely (6) 14 Unit of instruction (6) 16 Movie theatre (6) 19 Game fish (6) 21 Arrive at (5) 24 Beforehand (5) 25 Express approval of (7) 26 Relocate (8) 27 Halt (4)

Down 1 Friendly (8) 2 Freight (5) 4 Set fire to (6) 5 Poke (5) 6 Snapping noise (7) 7 Test (4) 8 City in southern Texas (6) 13 Did the dishes (6,2) 15 Staying power (7) 17 Enter uninvited (6) 18 Make angry (6) 20 Distinguishing symbols (5) 22 To one side (5) 23 Blemish made by dirt (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Loss, 3 Partisan, 9 Sustain, 10 Siren, 11 Lying, 12 Anyone, 14 Sister, 16 Eczema, 19 Gamble, 21 Adage, 24 Elude, 25 Elevate, 26 Near miss, 27 Mess.

Down: 1 Listless, 2 Sushi, 4 Annual, 5 Tasty, 6 Strange, 7 None, 8 Bangle, 13 Careless, 15 Spatula, 17 Chapel, 18 Recess, 20 Bream, 22 Amaze, 23 Keen.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 It would be remiss to name these mean persons (6) 4 A cry of pain descriptive of a coward (6) 9 Pinch a bit (7) 10 Striker on with the conductor’s help (5) 11 Thoughts of comical aside (5) 12 Wrong serums, I suspect (7) 13 Rather fanciful accounts of large buildings perhaps (4,7) 18 Upper class doctor was immersed in a Spanish lake for back pain (7) 20 Pieces of stiff paper for California roads (5) 22 Goes over the border with nasty groups (5) 23 Can I be pleasant?

(7) 24 Abstract art and more contains fabric (6) 25 Swallow it, but only as a joke, one hears (6)

Down 1 My wand almost displaying magical powers (6) 2 A point to a story, kept too long (5) 3 Rejection of damaged seal fur (7) 5 Burning coal in Nuremberg (5) 6 Top level infiltrating the French network (7) 7 Pale Mr Heath is sought by the police (6) 8 Stunning fashion, not as in sale (11) 14 A social worker or a man in an unusual role?

(7) 15 Disturbance sorted out in court (7) 16 Get on or off a source of luminosity (6) 17 Stares in confusion at stress (6) 19 On a cruise, not knowing what to do (2,3) 21 American country hick gets left a coin (5)

STANDARD CLUES

25 Take in (6)

Across

Down

1 Skinflints (6) 1 Supernaturalist (6) 4 Cowardly (6) 2 Past the best (5) 9 Make off with (7) 3 Rejection (7) 10 Stick (5) 5 Piece of live coal (5) 11 Thoughts (5) 6 Mesh (7) 12 Suspect (7) 7 Desired (6) 13 Improbable tales (4,7) 8 Exciting (11) 18 Rheumatic back pain 14 Medical social worker (7) (7) 20 Pieces of stiff paper (5) 15 Rumpus (7) 22 Informal bodies of 16 Dismount (6) friends (5) 17 State categorically (6) 23 Affable (7) 19 Bewildered (2,3) 24 Cloth having a criss21 Basic unit of Russian cross design (6) money (5) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Insect, 4 Manet, 8 Piton, 9 Mention, 10 Scourge, 11 Deal, 12 Rap, 14 Once, 15 Elan, 18 Son, 21 Edam, 23 Observe, 25 Rations, 26 Isaac, 27 Nacre, 28 Bent on.

Down: 1 Impose, 2 Set down, 3 Canaries, 5 Naive, 6 Tangle, 7 Amber, 13 Perspire, 16 Abreast, 17/4 Bear in mind, 19 Noose, 20 Beacon, 22 Antic, 24 Some.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Aid Bay Boa Eke Ell Emu Hay Hem Spa Tar Tea Yes 4 letter words Amok Anew Ayes Bane Bene Beta Bone

Bonk Boor Else Epic Erse Goal Gyms Idea Ides Lama Lass Lens Lobe Loss Mill Omen Pita Pits Plod Pose Rasp

Same Sate Soya Teem Tees Thee Toll Yaws 5 letter words 6 Adieu Audio Basis Chase 7 Copes Easel Erode 8 Gusto Hails Oasis Petty Rebus

Sales Sills Slunk Split Spree Tells Testy Those letter words Beagle Erases Samosa Settee letter words Assuage Gymnast letter words Assorted Clueless Laburnum Passable

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across

Down

1 Toad (4) 3 Screen (cinema or computer) (8) 9 Unlawful (7) 10 April (5) 11 Mushrooms (flattopped) (5) 12 Avispón (6) 14 Resistir (6) 16 Camarero (6) 19 Tejón (6) 21 Comer en casa (3,2) 24 Help (5) 25 Anclas (7) 26 Churches (8) 27 Mediodía (4)

1 Tijeras (8) 2 Pintura (material) (5) 4 Last night (6) 5 To bring (news, luck etc) (5) 6 El más grande (7) 7 There (indicating position) (4) 8 Besos (con los labios) (6) 13 Nieto (8) 15 Gaviota (7) 17 Agencia (empresa) (6) 18 Navy (6) 20 Vidrio (material) (5) 22 Throne (5) 23 Almost (4)

33

Friday, April 27, 2012 Across 1 Which famous comic character, said to have been partly modelled on Sir John Oldcastle, appears in four of Shakespeare’s plays; Henry IV, Parts 1 and 2, Henry V and The Merry Wives of Windsor? (8) 7 What was the surname of the journalist who presented his Letter from America for almost 60 years? (5) 8 See 7 Down 9/21 What was the nickname of King Louis XIV, who ruled France from 1643 to 1715?

(3,4) 10 With which musical instrument would you principally associate Léon Goossens? (4) 11 What surname connects the fifth president of the United States and actress Norma Jeane Baker? (6) 13 What was the surname of the author of The Pilgrim’s Progress? (6) 14 According to Greek mythology, who was the god of commerce, eloquence, invention, travel, and theft that served as the herald and messenger of the other gods? (6) 17 What was the title of Stephen King’s first published novel, which was filmed in 1976 with Sissy Spacek in the title role? (6) 18 What name is given to the white crystalline double sulphate of aluminium? (4) 20 What was the title of Edwin Starr’s biggest British hit single, which reached number three in 1970? (3) 22 Which is the 10th sign of the zodiac, the sun is in this sign from about December 22 to January 19? (9) 23 What name is given to a period of time during which you are absent from work or duty? (5)

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

24 What name is applied to a large cool star that has a relatively low surface temperature and a diameter large relative to the sun? (3,5) Down 1 Which Austrian rock vocalist topped the British singles

chart in 1986 with Rock Me Amadeus? (5) 2 Which city, named after the 16th president of the USA, is the state capital of Nebraska? (7) 3 Which large brass wind instrument of bass pitch, has three to six valves and a broad bell typically facing upwards? (4) 4 What word means a litter of pigs or the act of giving birth to a litter of pigs? (6) 5 To which animal does the adjective equine refer? (5) 6 Which comic strip drawn and authored by Charles Schulz, features the characters Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Lucy and Linus?

(7) 7/8 What was the name of the US aviator who, in 1927, made the first solo nonstop flight across the Atlantic Ocean? (7,9) 12 What was the real first name of actor (Sir) Michael Caine? (7) 13 What was the name of the legendary hero of an anonymous Old English epic poem composed in the early eighth century who slays a monster and becomes king but dies fighting a dragon? (7) 15 Kishinev is the capital of which landlocked republic in eastern Europe, formerly a European soviet but which achieved independence in 1991? (7) 16 Which town and seaport of northern France, on the English Channel, north of Rouen and northwest of Paris, stands at the mouth of the Arques River? (6) 17 Which 60s ‘supergroup’ consisted of Ginger Baker, Eric Clapton and Jack Bruce? (5) 19 Which French painter’s work Impression: Sunrise gave the impressionist movement its name? (5) 21 See 9 Across

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH LA SALUD - HEALTH

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

science QUIZ

1. Taste 2. Montgolfier 3. The Kidneys 4. France Around 1400 5. William Harvey 6. nicolas copernicus 7. Alcohol 8. Masturbate 9. The Male Sex 10. galileo 11. Jupiter 12.

The First Documented Siamese Twins 13. Discs 14.

Espresso Coffee Machine

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across:1 Manifest, 7 Loire, 8 North Pole, 9/17D Ned Kelly, 10 Hoar, 11/1D Edvard Munch, 13 Shaman, 14 Hot dog, 17 Karate, 18 Tsar, 20 Ewe, 22 Argentina, 23 Alloy, 24 Pasterns.

Down: 2 Nirvana, 3 Fohn, 4 Swords, 5 Fiend, 6 Reading, 7 Lebanon, 12 Fairway, 13 Sidecar, 15 Dossier, 16 Stigma, 19 Reams, 21 Knot.

especialista

amigdalitis

estres

cirujano

infarto

contagiarse

microbio

consultorio

minusvalia

dentista

pulmonia

desvelarse

ser-diabetico

dolencia

sida

Match the English and Spanish names of fruit and vegetables.

You will find the answers at the bottom of the page. i. the exhaustion, 3. la pulmonía, 1. la dentista, j. the disability, 14. el SIDA, 15. el infarto, 2. el especialista, k. to be diabetic, 16. la amigdalitis.

3. el cirujano, l. the surgeon, 4. el consultorio, m. the consulting room, 5. el microbio, a. to stay up late, n. the heart attack, 6. el agotamiento, b. tonsilitis, o. AIDS, 7. el estrés, 8. desvelarse, c. the specialist, p. pneumonia.

9. contagiarse, d. an illness, 10. una dolencia, e. to become infected, 11. la minusvalía, f. the bug, g. the dentist, h. the stress, 12. ser diabetico,1

Answers:1g, 2c, 3l, 4m, 5f, 6i, 7h, 8a, 9e, 10d, 11j, 12k, 13p, 14o, 15n, 16b.

1. Ageusia, is the loss of which sense?

2. What Was The Family Name Of The French Brothers Who Were Pioneer Developers Of The Hot Air Balloon And Who Conducted The 3. Of What Is Renolgy The Area Of Study?

4. Where Was The Blast Furnace First Introduced?

5. Who discovered blood circulation?

6. what polish astronomer demonstrated in 1512 that the sun is the center of the solar system?

7. Zymase and Glucose combine to form what drug?

8. What do chimpanzees do when nervous?

9. Which Sex Is Prone To Suicide?

10. what italian astronomer wrote the starry messenger?

11. Io Is The Most Volcanically Active Body In The Solar System Which Planet Does It Orbit?

12. Who Were Chang And Eng Bunker?

13. What Are The Pads Of Cartilage Between Spinal Vertabrae Commonly Called?

14. Which drinks machine was produced in 1946 by Italian inventor Achille Gaggia?

agotamiento

Soduko

Span - Eng

Quizword

Fill It In

34

Friday, April 27, 2012

A look at the Funny, Punny, Sunny side of life PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS TAKING IT FREEZY? 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir,

only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!' 23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet.

One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did

CHOPPING LIST TWO young kids in hospital ...are on beds next to each other, waiting outside the Operating Theatre.

The first leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'

The second answers, 'I'm in here to have my tonsils removed ...and I'm a little nervous.'

The first says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. ‘They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice cream. It's a breeze.'

The second kid then asks, 'Why are you here?

The first lad replies, 'For a circumcision.'

'Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy!' says the second youngster 'I had that done when I was BORN ...and couldn't walk for a year'.

WHEN you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.

When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.

When you drink whisky over ice, it can give you heart problems.

When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

Warn all your friends.

35

Friday, April 27, 2012

TRELI ON THE TELLY Jack’s a Smash for the British smarmy

IF you love musicals mixed in with a drama that doesn’t take itself too seriously, then can I happily point you in the direction of Smash, which premiered on Sky Atlantic during the week (and which starts next month on Spanish screens on Sony Entertainment via Canal Plus).

It’s been given the label of an adult version of Glee, which is unfair, mainly because I’m an adult last time I checked, and I love Glee. Smash is a very different beast, with some very catchy original tunes, as this musical drama tells the story of how a Broadway show about Marilyn Monroe is put together.

In Smash, we meet a likeable and successful songwriting team who are cajoled by their backer, played by the

Smash...tells the story of how a Broadway show about Marilyn Monroe is put together.

Normally, assistant manager at a grocery store is the kind of position you would have hoped to grow out of by your thirties but Doug (Seann William Scott) has settled into it. He’s not exactly happy, but certainly would like to help provide his wife (Jenna Fischer), a nurse earning the breadwinner title, with the home in the Chicago suburbs they’ve always wanted.

When its announced that a new branch of the store is opening in the city, Doug immediately adds his name for consideration to be head manager, an idea encouraged by his boss (Fred Armisen), who is

continues, like in so many American TV dramas these days, with Raza Jaffrey (remember him as agent Zafar in Spooks?) playing the boyfriend of a leading candidate for the role of Marilyn.

As with Homeland, there’s been a fair bit of good buzz about Smash and, based on episode one, it delivered. It’s also a rarity in being an American drama that doesn’t have any crime element about it, and for that, perhaps we should be grateful. splendid Anjelica Huston, It was a very pleasant hour into bringing in an egotistical of viewing that whizzed by, British director to oversee and it’s also worth investing their latest musical project. your time in it, as the NBC Jack Davenport smarms it network have already up great as the know-all booked a second season. director, behaving like a Hasn’t Nigel Pivaro been piece of work who needs a great playing the Pantomime good slapping, probably Villain, Terry Duckworth, on inspired by Michael Douglas Coronation Street on ITV1? in the film version of A He’s piled on the inches a bit Chorus Line. The Brit interest as Nigel’s been working as a journalist in recent years (I know the feeling), but you can tell he’s loved every second of being back.

I just can’t help shouting “He’s behind you!” every time he pops up on screen, as poor old Tommy is bound to get fleeced of his inheritance.

But if you want real nasty, then watch on Monday as Tyrone’s domineering copper girlfriend, Kirsty, really turns the screw on him.

After weeks of avoiding all the spoilers on the internet, I was rewarded on Tuesday night by seeing a leading character killed off on Channel Four’s Desperate Housewives. Mike Delfino got the bullet from a loan

with ALEX TRELINSKI

shark he’d beaten up the previous week, and it closed a playful episode where it appeared that half a dozen or so characters could end up facing the Grim Reaper.

My main criticism of this final series is that whilst the dramas and intrigues have been on the money, there’s been little of the big laugh-out loud moments that made the show such a big hit in the first place.

I don’t like seeing a favourite programme finish, but I think its right to bow out for good next month, hopefully on a high.

I’m loving all the 70s stuff BBC2 is doing at the moment, including their excellent documentary series about that decade on a Monday night. But if you want a regular year-round feed of memories, then can I point you in the direction of BBC4, who are screening Tops of the Pops from exactly that week 35 years ago on a Thursday night. So we are currently in April 1977, and with my rose-tinted spectacles well and truly removed, I can remember how awful those programmes were, with the sickly presentation of the Radio 1 DJs, and a pretty mediocre deck of badly mimed acts.

We used to slag it off at school the next morning, but there was virtually nothing else to watch if you liked pop.

It’s a great reminder of what

Top of the Pops...

Jimmy Savile and a year-round feed of memories on BBC4

the show and pop music at that time was like, before the unusual bedfellows of punk and the Golden Age of Disco mercifully shook everything to their foundations a few months later.

I’m pleased to say that the best new UK drama series of the year so far, the BBC’s Prisoner’s Wives, is definitely coming back with old and new characters for a very well-deserved second run.

That‘s despite no official announcement from the BBC Press Office. But sadly, as I feared a few weeks ago, the re-worked Upstairs Downstairs has been ditched, apparently due to low ratings.

Crazy I say, as the quality

THE PROMOTION 15 hardly the poster of executive exuberance. A new employee has just been added to their location though. Richard (John C. Reilly) arrives from Canada with all the robotic, yet seemingly genuine, congeniality that customer service outlets crave and

announces that he’s in the running for the job as well.

It’s hard to hate Richard, also with a supportive wife (Lili Taylor, sporting a Scottish accent), but he’s a clear obstacle for Doug and hindering the entitlement he’s more than earned by now. A team of executives

CAST: Seann William Scott, John C. Reilly, Jenna Fischer, Lili Taylor DIRECTOR: Steven Conrad RATING: 4/5 RUNNING TIME: 85 min.

This dvd review was brought to you by MOVING MOVIES - OVER 7000 DVDS IN STOCK. Delivering all over Spain and the UK Visit www.movingmovies.biz Tel 650 944 934 or email movingmoviesdvds@gmail.com

(led by Gil Bellows) are watching every move of the two candidates and anything as simple as a misconstrued word in the workplace is tantamount to a strike against them. Doug takes the brunt of the wrong time/wrong place demerits but each of them is willing to use the other’s flaws against the other.

The Promotion is consistently funny in a build-up-and-release way that, much like The Weather Man, supplements those one-liners with uncomfortable behaviour and a comedy of manners.

Sometimes all you need is a director who understands the material and Steve Conrad proves to have just the right touch absorbing his ideas behind the camera as he does on the page.

was excellent, and surely a public body like the BBC should be concentrating on high standard programming rather than paranoia with audience figures. That point was made by top producer Beryl Vertue to the Royal Television Society last month.

By the way, her company, which has made such diverse shows as Men Behaving Badly and Sherlock, have come up with a new sitcom for BBC1. It’s called Me and Mrs Jones and stars the talented Sarah Alexander.

With the quality of UK TV sitcoms at an all-time low, I have a feeling in my bones that this could be a goodie.

36

The Courier Friday TV 00:35 This Week 01:20 Holiday Weatherview 01:25 Panorama 01:55 The Falklands Legacy with Max Hastings 02:55 Antiques Roadshow 03:40 Britain's First Photo Album 04:10 Countryfile 04:55 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Incredible Edibles 16:35 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:00 Copycats 17:30 The Owl 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Would I Lie to You? 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Not Going Out 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker Extra 03:10 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Schools: 3, 2, 1 Go!: Key Stage 3 06:00 Schools: Ecomaths: Key

Stage 3 06:30 Schools: The Code 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Antiques Road Trip 20:30 Great British Menu 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 John Le Mesurier: It's All Been Rather Lovely 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 The Cube 01:35 ITV News Headlines 03:35 Tonight 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Rosemary & Thyme 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:25 Party Election Broadcast 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Poms in Paradise 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Piers Morgan's Life Stories 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 American Pie

00:35 Random Acts 00:40 Embarrassing Bodies 01:40 Hidden Talent 02:35 9/11: The Lost Tapes 03:30 Unreported World 04:00 Double Lesson 04:25 The Secret Life of Buildings 05:20 My Eden 05:25 Time Team 06:20 Countdown 07:05 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Secret Millionaire Australia 11:00 Location, Location, Location 12:00 Secret Location 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 River Cottage 13:35 Quick Bakes with Eric Lanlard 14:00 Channel 4 Racing 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 8 Out of 10 Cats 22:30 Very Important People 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

AMERICAN PIE The title refers to one of the more eye-widening sequences, in which Jim (Jason Biggs) gets a bit too friendly with his mom's apple pie - if you thought Dumb and Dumber or There's Something about Mary plumbed the depths of grossness, hold on to your lunch, you ain't seen nothing yet. This laughter-packed comedy about four teenage boys who pledge to lose their virginity before prom night has enough crass gags to satisfy the most demanding fans of Porky'sstyle farces.

Horoscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 Things are going to come to a head today and either go well, go badly, or go...kinda...OK. A masterplan is forming inside your head and you'll be ready to put it into action any day now. Any dreams you have been granted recently will turn out to be hollow and easily shattered. If life makes you feel like dancing, dance the night away.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 When hankering for some food you may decide to experiment with various plants avoid those with 3 leaves. Starving yourself does not help you lose weight. In fact, it can be very detrimental to your health.

You ask any dead person and they'll say: "Yep, that's right, I'm very thin!" Dave is not a name you want to associate with today. Dave may be the devil's spawn.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 Your lucky goat name for today is: Penelope. Today is a day like any other, try not to expect too much from this segment of 24 hours. Today is another day, and all can be well both here and in Denmark.

Any satisfaction you had about not having a police record, may be undone today. You have a personality that makes people smile, and that is worth exploiting today in any way you see fit.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 Compact Discs are very shiny, but using them to attract seagulls in order to bludgeon them to death with your shoe is neither good manners nor entirely legal.

"Shout, shout, let it all out." A rhyming message which can really help you out today. Wake up in a trash-can again?

Don't let your drinking get you down, go and have a beer.

April 27

01:10 SuperCasino 05:05 Rough Guide to Weekend Breaks 05:20 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Great Artists 06:35 Great Artists 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Giant Animal Moves 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Inside Hollywood 16:20 Jane Doe: How to Fire Your Boss 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 21:00 Dirty Great Machines 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Castle 23:55 Law & Order: Criminal Intent

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 You should focus on all the positive things that have happened over the past few years. This will help you overcome the incredible setbacks which are coming in the next few weeks. Trying to make out that you're a "surf dude" may become untenable when your fat lover walks into the office with your eight dirty children.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 It's going to be one of those days, I really, really apologise. You can't star in your own television show if you're a no-talented idiot. Just something to keep in mind no particular reference to you. Electronics and machinery will start to misbehave for you today. Hobbies may have to take a back seat this week as your spleen dissolved into your gastric juices.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Whenever you feel unhappy today, smile and go to the toilet. This action should soon turns things around for you.

Telephone salesmen may come through for you this week and finally offer you something useful and at a decent price.

Everything you feel about yourself will be confirmed today as you're put through the mill and emerge victorious.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Gifts can be given and received at the same time, but fights can start over the simplest of things. The day's events will make you want to move abroad.Oil in your lamp may keep you burning till the break of day. Or it could spill over and set fire to your new shoes.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 The hospital may become a familiar place over the coming two weeks, although for what reason the mystics are surprisingly opaque. All your long-term plans will come into fruition this month. Beware of speeding busses. The faster you travel today, the more likely you are to pick up a speeding ticket.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Today will make it hard for you to make any sense of roofle wimblipickstone.

When we tell you that it's 'cryptic', we basically mean that we made it up. Your life may seem boring compared to others, however, you *do* have a nice car. Fly in the face of conventional wisdom and wear a policeman's helmet.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Spreading lies about colleagues or friends may see dwindling relationships with those around you. And, yes, of course I know that's obvious - but you're the one who's going to do it! If you feel like you're struggling to go ahead with the rest of the world, sit down, relax and perhaps watch some day time television.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 You are important, at least as important as the discovery of the dock leaf when you were stung by a nettle as a child. Your tendencies may get you into trouble today. Or it might just be a day like every other day.

A flurry of exclamation marks will come back to haunt you later this month as an email comes true.

37

The Courier Saturday TV

April 28

00:20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:30 The Matt Lucas Awards 01:05 EastEnders 03:00 Weatherview 03:05 Titanic with Len Goodman 03:35 Titanic with Len Goodman 04:05 Question Time 05:05 BBC News 05:30 On the Road With 06:00 BBC News 06:30 Our World 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 12:45 Football Focus 13:15 Match of the Day Live 15:30 Live Challenge Cup Rugby League 17:30 Final Score 18:20 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:35 Pointless Celebrities 19:30 My Family 20:00 The Voice UK 21:30 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 22:20 Casualty 23:10 BBC News; Weather 23:30 Match of the Day 23:30 National Lottery Update

00:00 Weather 00:05 Later with Jools Holland 01:10 Snooker: The World Championship 02:00 Snooker Extra 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Click 04:45 Newswatch 05:00 BBC News

05:05 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Extreme Animals 08:30 Dennis and Gnasher 08:40 The Scooby-Doo Show 09:05 Alesha's Street Dance Stars 09:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 10:00 The Slammer 10:30 The Ministry of Curious Stuff 11:00 Animals at Work 11:35 Splatalot 12:00 Copycats 12:25 OOglies 12:40 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 Escape to the Country 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 18:30 The Falklands Remembering Craig 19:00 Flog It! 19:30 Dad's Army 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 The Story of Light Entertainment 22:00 The Art of Tommy Cooper 22:30 I Love 1972 23:30 Mean Streets

01:20 ITV News Headlines 03:25 Lover Come Back 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 Saturday Cookbook 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 12:20 The Real Housewives of New York City 13:15 Murder, She Wrote 14:20 ITV News and Weather 14:29 Meridian Weather 14:30 Free Willy 3: the Rescue 16:05 Planet's Funniest Animals 16:20 Murder on the Orient Express 18:45 Meridian News and Weather 19:00 ITV News and Weather 19:15 Keith Lemon's LemonAid 20:00 New You've Been Framed!

20:30 The Cube 21:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:30 Benidorm 23:30 ITV News and Weather 23:44 Meridian Weather 23:45 Dirty Harry

DIRTY HARRY Crime thriller starring Clint Eastwood. San Francisco cop "Dirty" Harry Callahan is assigned the case of a sniper who has murdered a young girl and threatened further killings if his ransom demand is not met.

Dismayed to find himself partnered with a raw recruit, Callahan is soon at odds with his bosses over whether to pay off the killer.

00:05 Stand Up for the Week 00:50 Cellular 02:40 Random Acts 02:45 My Name Is Earl 03:10 My Name Is Earl 03:30 Dirty Sexy Money 04:15 Franklin & Bash 05:00 St Elsewhere 05:45 Smallville 06:30 Countdown 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Grid 08:05 British F3 08:30 FIM World Superbikes 08:55 The Morning Line 09:50 The TV Book Club 10:25 Koko Pop 11:00 Made in Chelsea 12:05 The Pop Powerlist 13:10 The Big Bang Theory 13:45 The Big Bang Theory 14:15 The Simpsons 14:50 Channel 4 Racing 16:55 Channel 4 Presents 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:25 4thought.tv 19:30 Stephen Fry's 100 Greatest Gadgets 22:30 Terminator: Salvation

00:55 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 05:00 Motorsport Mundial 05:25 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Great Artists 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:15 City of Friends 07:25 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:40 Castle Farm 07:45 Igam Ogam 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:15 Family!

08:25 Noddy in Toyland 08:35 Mio Mao 08:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:50 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:20 Angelina Ballerina 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:10 The Mr Men Show 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:35 The Milkshake! Show 11:00 The Gadget Show: World Tour 12:00 Rory McGrath's Pub Dig 13:00 The Restaurant Inspector 14:00 Murder She Said 15:40 Medicine Man 17:45 The Magnificent Seven 20:25 5 News Weekend 20:30 NCIS 21:20 NCIS 22:10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:10 CSI: NY

Moncayo’s Market Magic Popular Moncayo market took on a medieval flavour last weekend as traders and market-goers celebrated St George’s Day. Many stall holders dressed up for the occasion and local business group TIBA brought along medieval games and even a set of stocks – used enthusiastically as people locked up their friends and threw wet sponges at them.

A local stable supplied horses for people to ride and antique carriages were on display.

Radio stations Vibe FM and Spectrum provided music, along with local entertainer Ricardo.

All money raised on the day was donated to the local Lions group.

Moncayo market is open Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. For business opportunities call Paul on 660 249 876.

38

The Courier Sunday TV

April 29

00:55 The Football League Show 02:15 Weatherview 02:20 BBC News 02:30 British Olympic Dreams 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Dateline London 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Click 06:00 BBC News 06:30 The Record Europe 07:00 Breakfast 08:35 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Country Tracks 13:00 Sunday Politics 14:00 Cash in the Attic 14:30 Bargain Hunt 15:15 Homes Under the Hammer 16:15 Escape to the Country 17:00 Human Planet 18:00 Points of View 18:15 Songs of Praise 19:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:25 Countryfile 20:25 The Voice UK 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Silent Witness 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

01:20 Snooker: The World Championship 02:10 Snooker Extra

04:10 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Extreme Animals 08:30 Dennis and Gnasher 08:40 The Owl 08:40 The Scooby-Doo Show 09:05 Scoop 09:30 Wingin' It 09:50 Shaun the Sheep 10:00 Friday Download 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:30 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 13:00 Great British Menu 13:30 MotoGP 15:00 Snooker: The World Championship 19:00 The Hairy Bikers' Bakeation 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 Indian Ocean with Simon Reeve 22:00 Ewan McGregor: Cold Chain Mission 23:00 Match of the Day 2

01:40 The Store 03:45 In Plain Sight 04:30 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 Dinner Date 10:25 ITV News 10:30 Ade in Britain 11:25 May the Best House Win 12:30 Long Lost Family 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:34 Meridian Weather 13:35 Britain's Got Talent 14:35 The Planet's Funniest Animals 15:05 The Planet's Funniest Animals 15:35 Columbo: Murder with Too Many Notes 17:25 Tea with Mussolini 19:35 Meridian News and Weather 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 All Star Family Fortunes 21:00 Vera 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:14 Meridian Weather 23:15 Perspectives: Wind in the Willows with Griff Rhys Jones

A PERFECT GETAWAY Thriller starring Steve Zahn and Milla Jovovich. A hiking trip in Hawaii becomes fraught with danger for a pair of newlyweds after they learn of two killers loose on the trail. Suspicion immediately turns to the couple of backpackers who have befriended them.

00:45 Underworld: Evolution 02:35 Stand Up for the Week 03:20 Facejacker 03:45 Hit the Road Jack 04:30 Dog's Mercury 04:55 St Elsewhere 05:40 Smallville 06:25 Countdown 07:10 Sali Mali 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:10 Wheelchair Rugby Highlights: London Prepares 09:05 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Sunday Brunch 13:00 The Big Bang Theory 13:25 The Big Bang Theory 13:55 The Big Bang Theory 14:20 The Simpsons 14:45 The Simpsons 15:20 Meet Dave 17:00 Time Team 18:00 The Parent Trap 20:25 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Celebrity Deal or No Deal 22:00 Homeland 23:05 The Bank Job

00:05 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 01:05 SuperCasino 05:00 Great Artists 05:25 Great Artists 05:50 County Secrets 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 City of Friends 07:35 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Abby's Flying Fairy School 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Family!

08:35 Noddy in Toyland 08:45 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:20 Angelina Ballerina 09:35 Rupert Bear 09:45 Mio Mao 09:50 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:05 The Mr Men Show 10:20 Roary the Racing Car 10:35 The Milkshake! Show 11:00 Animal Rescue Squad 11:20 Grey's Anatomy 12:15 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 13:15 Cowboy Traders 14:15 William and Kate: One Year On 15:20 William & Kate 17:05 Scooby-Doo 18:45 Mulan 20:30 5 News Weekend 20:35 Ultimate Police Interceptors 21:00 Once Upon a Time 22:00 A Perfect Getaway 23:45 An American Haunting

39

The Courier Monday TV

April 30

00:10 Room 101 - Extra Storage 00:50 The Man without a Face 02:40 Weatherview 02:45 Empire 03:45 Holby City 04:45 Antiques Road Trip 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited 12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Deadly 60 16:35 Lockie Leonard 17:00 Copycats 17:30 Help! My Supply Teacher Is Magic 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Silent Witness 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Match of the Day

00:05 Grandma's House 00:35 Snooker: The World Championship 01:25 Snooker Extra 03:25 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday

05:30 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 Chaplains: Angels of Mersey 21:30 Home Cooking Made Easy 22:00 The 70s 23:00 Sounds of the 70s 2 23:30 Newsnight

00:15 The Cube 01:10 ITV News Headlines 03:15 River Monsters 04:05 Motorsport UK 04:55 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Rosemary & Thyme 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:25 Party Election Broadcast 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Dales 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Scott & Bailey 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Mighty Mississippi with Trevor McDonald

RAMSAYS KITHCEN NIGHTMARES USA

Chef Gordon Ramsay heads to The Greek at the Harbor restaurant in Southern California, where owner Makis Mikelatos works 17 hours a day, seven days a week, but is unwilling to let his son Ari take the reins.

Gordon sets out to get to the bottom of Makis's reluctance to teach his son, and uncovers a shocking family secret.

01:20 My Name Is Khan 03:30 Brain Damage 03:40 Hollyoaks 05:45 Smallville 06:25 Countdown 07:10 Sali Mali 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:35 Frasier 10:00 Secret Millionaire Australia 11:00 Location, Location, Location 12:00 How to Haggle for a House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 River Cottage 13:35 Channel 4 Presents 13:40 Glamour Puds 14:10 Detective Story 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Foxes Live: Wild in the City 22:00 Embarrassing Bodies 23:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA

01:30 The World of Stupid Criminals 02:05 SuperCasino 05:00 UEFA Europa League Highlights 05:25 House Doctor 05:50 County Secrets 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Hana's Helpline 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:40 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Giant Animal Moves 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Mentalist 16:15 Mystery Woman: Mystery Weekend 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Cowboy Traders 21:00 The Gadget Show: World Tour 22:00 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 23:00 10 Things I Hate About

40

The Courier Tuesday TV

May 1

00:05 Late Kick Off 00:35 The Graham Norton Show 01:25 Weatherview 01:30 Our Food 02:30 Toughest Place to Be 03:30 Antiques Road Trip 04:15 Great British Railway Journeys 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited 12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Deadly 60 16:35 Lockie Leonard 17:00 Copycats 17:30 Who Let the Dogs Out? 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 19:55 Party Election Broadcast 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Crimewatch 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:35 The Matt Lucas Awards

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker Extra 03:10 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 05:00 Schools - Stargazing Challenges 05:30 Schools - Little Stargazing

06:00 Schools - Counting with Rodd 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 The Hairy Bikers' Bakeation 22:00 Meet the Romans with Mary Beard 23:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 01:30 03:30 03:55 05:35 06:30 07:00 09:30 10:25 11:30 13:30 14:30 14:55 15:00 16:00 16:59 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:25 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 Year 22:00

Babies Behind Bars The Zone Champions League Weekly ITV Nightscreen The Jeremy Kyle Show ITV Morning News Daybreak Lorraine The Jeremy Kyle Show This Morning Loose Women ITV News and Weather Meridian News and Weather 60 Minute Makeover Dickinson's Real Deal Meridian Weather Rosemary & Thyme The Chase Meridian Tonight Party Election Broadcast ITV News and Weather Emmerdale Countrywise Kitchen William and Kate: The First The Hunt for Bin Laden

HIDDEN TALENT Physical and psychological tests suggest advertising agency art director Roxanne Messenger could be a gifted free-diver, capable of surviving underwater for minutes at a time without artificial breathing apparatus. With the assistance of coaches Emma Farrell and Marco Nones, she heads to Egypt to test her skills against some of the world's leading competitors.

00:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut 00:45 Homeland 01:55 Random Acts 02:00 Udaan 04:15 A Family Portrait 04:20 Cry Havoc 06:00 Gone Fishing 06:15 Smallville 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 Sali Mali 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Secret Millionaire Australia 11:00 Location, Location, Location 12:00 How to Haggle for a House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 River Cottage 13:35 Glamour Puds 14:05 The Kitchen Pharmacy 14:25 The Desperadoes 16:05 Channel 4 Presents 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 Foxes Live: Wild in the City 21:00 Supersize vs Superskinny 22:00 Hidden Talent 23:00 Facejacker 23:35 Hit the Road Jack

00:00 A Perfect Getaway 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:50 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:15 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Giant Animal Moves 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 Mary Higgins Clark's The Cradle Will Fall 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Dirty Great Machines 21:00 War Hero in My Family 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: NY 23:55 CSI: NY

41

The Courier Wednesday TV May 2

00:10 Crimewatch Update 00:20 Kevin Bridges: What's the Story?

00:50 The Estate 01:20 Weatherview 01:25 The Apprentice 02:25 Horizon 03:25 Antiques Road Trip 04:15 Great British Railway Journeys 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited 12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Deadly 60 16:35 Lockie Leonard 16:35 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:00 Copycats 17:30 HH: Gory Games 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Inside Out 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 Traffic Cops 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 National Lottery Update

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker Extra 03:10 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday

04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Schools - Planet Dinosaur 06:00 Schools - Same But Different 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 See Hear 14:30 Snooker: The World Championship 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 21:00 Antiques Uncovered 22:00 This World 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired 23:30 Weather

00:00 ITV News and Weather 00:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 00:35 The Unforgettable 01:05 The Zone 03:35 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Rosemary & Thyme 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 The Unforgettable 21:00 The British Soap Awards 2012 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Leah's Dream

THE BRITISH SOAP AWARDS The stars of Coronation Street, EastEnders, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks and Doctors gather as Phillip Schofield hosts the 14th annual ceremony celebrating all the drama, laughter, tears, murders, weddings and romances from TV's most popular soaps over the past year. Famous faces from the entertainment world hand out awards in 17 categories, including Sexiest Male and Female, Villain of the Year, Best Actor and Actress, Spectacular Scene, On-Screen Partnership, Lifetime Achievement and, of course, Best British Soap.

00:05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 01:10 Random Acts 01:15 Poker 02:15 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:45 Sailing 03:10 The Grid 03:35 British F3 04:05 Wheelchair Rugby Highlights: London Prepares 05:00 Freesports on 4 05:25 Road to London 2012: Paralympics Extra 06:20 Full Metal Challenge 07:15 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:35 According to Jim 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Secret Millionaire Australia 11:00 Location, Location, Location 12:00 How to Haggle for a House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 River Cottage 13:35 Glamour Puds 14:05 The Conqueror 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 Foxes Live: Wild in the City 21:00 Four Rooms 22:00 The Tallest Tower: Building the Shard 23:00 The Killing 23:55 2 Broke Girls

00:55 CSI: Miami 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:50 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Giant Animal Moves 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 'Til Lies Do Us Part 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 The Gadget Show: World Tour 21:00 Cowboy Traders 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

42

The Courier Thursday TV

May 3

01:30 Weatherview 01:35 See Hear 02:05 Watchdog 03:05 Panorama 03:35 Antiques Roadshow 04:35 Great British Railway Journeys 05:05 Newsday 05:30 Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited 12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Deadly 60 16:35 Diddy Dick & Dom 17:00 Copycats 17:30 Young Dracula 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Watchdog 22:00 New Tricks 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time

00:20 Snooker: The World Championship 01:10 Snooker Extra 03:10 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Schools - Wonders of the Universe 06:00 Schools - Orbit: Earth's

Extraordinary Journey 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Lunar Jim 07:20 Timmy Time 07:35 Chuggington 07:45 Dipdap 07:50 Pinky Dinky Doo 08:00 Roar 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:45 Eliot Kid 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Bear Behaving Badly 09:20 Shaun the Sheep 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Inventing 09:45 Numtums 09:50 Little Charley Bear 10:00 Buzz and Tell 10:05 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:20 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:30 Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:35 Small Potatoes 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:10 Baby Jake 11:20 Zingzillas Zingbop 11:30 64 Zoo Lane 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Snooker: The World Championship 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Snooker: The World Championship 22:00 Shakespeare in Italy 23:00 Grandma's House 23:30 Weather

00:35 Total Emergency 01:30 ITV News Headlines 03:30 British Touring Car Championship 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Rosemary & Thyme 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Long Lost Family 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Piers Morgan's Life Stories

THE HOARDER NEXT DOOR New series. Extreme collectors embark on a six-week treatment programme with psychotherapist Stelios Kiosses and his team, as they receive help to mend their old ways. In the first episode, the experts tackle the habits of 55-year-old Liverpool man Nigel Jennings, who has not been able to enter some of the rooms in his home for more than seven years.

00:25 Desperate Housewives 01:25 Random Acts 01:35 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:50 Rita Ora: Intro 02:05 4Play 02:15 Spotlight 02:30 4Play 02:45 Launched at Red Bull Studios 03:00 In the Mix 04:30 The Pizza Miracle 04:55 St Elsewhere 05:45 Smallville 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Frasier 10:00 Secret Millionaire Australia 11:00 Location, Location, Location" 12:00 How to Haggle for a House 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 13:35 Glamour Puds 14:05 The Kitchen Pharmacy 14:15 Channel 4 Presents 14:20 The Ladykillers 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 Foxes Live: Wild in the City 21:00 The World's Largest Snake 22:00 The Hoarder Next Door 23:00 Extreme A&E

00:50 Poker: The Big Game 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:35 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 LIVE with 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Dangerous Drivers' School 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: NY 16:15 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:20 They Come Back 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 World's 22:00 The Restaurant Inspector 23:00 Four Weddings and a Funeral

43

Friday, April 27, 2012

ACCOUNTANTS Are you running a business?

Let us simplify things for you – accountancy, taxes, payroll services and more. We cater for companies and individuals. Established in 1984 on the Costa Blanca.

Call us on 966 923 963 for your first consultation free of charge.

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer.

Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information

contact Pilar ChristianCommunity Church@gmail.com or contact Reverend Eddie on 966 7693 00 or 650 509 606.

Reg No:2009-SG/A

LONG TERM RENTALS

CARS FOR SALE Try Professional Business Support for your quick quote for car insurance. Excellent prices for expats, all policies available in English or German. We will call you back with a price. 966 923 963

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ROLDAN UNFURNISHED DETACHED VILLA 3 Bedroom 2 bathroom Community POOL 525€/mth plus Bills Tele. Linda 667848584 (61) ROLDAN FURNISHED DETACHED VILLA opposite Park 3 Bedroom 2 bathroom Community POOL 525€/mth plus Bills Tele. Linda 667848584 (61) LOMAS DEL RAME LARGE PLOT LARGER THAN AVERAGE VILLA 3 Bedroom or 2 Bedroom /OFFICE 2 bathroom 600€/mth plus Bills Tele.

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PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

Ref 33, Ground floor spacious 2 bedroom apartment, located in Torre la Mata.

Close to all amenities and beach.

3 month rental €300pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, Three Bedroom Quad house in Jarden Del Mar. Close to all amenities, bars, shops, restaurants. €425pcm Call 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 155, Luxurious Three Bedroom Villa With Private Pool, in Quesada Close to shops and restaurants within a five minute drive, and Guadamar Beach is within a ten minute drive. Long term rental €800PCM, Short term available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 708, A lovely two bedroom, one bathroom corner ground floor apartment in Algorfa, with a spacious patio & Residents off road parking. Communal pool near by. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 117, A Lovely 3 Bedroomed 1st floor apartment on the outskirts of Torrevieja (Mar Azul). The Apartment is in walking distance of the excellent beaches and a good selection of restaurants, shops and bars. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

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44

Friday, April 27, 2012

Ref: 61, A lovely two bedroomed ground floor apartment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swimming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking distance. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, Well situated studio apartment in San Luis.

The property has a balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Close to all shops and amenities, on a local bus route & 10 minutes from the beach.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apartment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 702: Beautiful 2 bedroom apartment, located near los Locos beach, beautifully furnished. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR SALE Excellent cover for your house and home, includes travel assistance for when you go away. Interesting prices for expats; policies available in English or German. Call 966 923 963 for a quote EL CARMOLI STUNNING VILLA with Private Pool Large Corner Plot REDUCED BY 100,000€ NOW 249,750 MUST BE SEEN (61) REDUCED Ground floor Duplex in Puerto Marino, Gran Alacant. Now only 99,500 euros. 2 bed, 1 bath, fully furnished Central heating, glazed galleria, grills, Mozzie nets, front garden, com pools, Private gated parking, walking distance to Shops bars restaurants etc.

627 711 155 Calling all serious Buyers. I have a 5 bed, 4 bath, 2 kitchens, 2 lounges, detached Villa with self-fill-

ing pool in Gran Alacant.

Everything included in price, fantastic Alicante /sea views. As a starting price I am looking in the region of 265.000 euros Interested in making me an offer call me on 680 333 242 Mid Terraced Town house in Gran Alacant 2 Bed, 3 Bath, being sold fully furnished.

Electrical Appliances included, large front and rear garden, choice of communal pools, Private secure parking and walking distance to GA Center. 140.000 euros ono. Call 627 711 155 for viewing.

Lovely well maintained terraced property situated in Mediterranea III in Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, everything included in price. Large communal pool, tennis courts, established gardens Walking distance to shops, bars restaurants. Very quiet location, over looks nature reserve. Private parking, call 680 333 242 for more

ria Lounge complete with chimney, large under build, top quality furniture and appliances inc. Com pools, underground garage, tennis courts To view call 627 711 155 Semi-detached villa in Gran Alacant 3 bed, 3 bath, lounge diner, independent kitchen, glazed in porch, large solarium with stunning views, Private Parking.

A/Con Central heating, UK TV. Only 229.000 euros By appointment only call 966 699 136 Large detached villa, large pool with electronic solar cover, converted under

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details. 133.000 euros Beach Front property opposite Carabassi Beach 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge diner, roof top solarium under ground secure parking, walking distance to beach Situated on local tram and bus route. Being sold fully furnished. 4 communal pools, tennis courts, bar and restaurant with in urbanisation Please ring 966 699 136 after 6pm (english & spanish spoken) Now only 125.000 euros excellent value in Gran Alacant.

Quick sale needed. 199.000 euros ono Detached property in Puerto Marina. 3 Bed, 3 Bath, Immaculately furnished Alarmed, Central heating, Log fire, Hot & Cold air con, open fields to the rear, Private parking, Communal pools.

966.699.478 after 5 pm.

Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant 209,000 euros 3 Double bedrooms with fitted wardrobes 2 bathrooms, spacious kitchen with galle-

build, roof top solarium with conservatory, panoramic views 545 m2 plot, part furnished, double glazed, A/con, alarmed, gas fire, est. irrigated gardens Call 680 333 242 for best price Ref 30 Close to Supavalue in Gran Alacant. Detached villa with pool on 640m2 plot. 3 bed, 2 bath, lounge diner, large roof top solarium, Porch, Outside WC, 2 built-in BBQ’s, Log Fire, Under build, Alarmed, Mature Gardens, Toldos blinds, Garage, Electronic Gates.

260.000 euros 627 711 155 English & Spanish spoken.

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45

Friday, April 27, 2012 Balsares, terraced 4 bedroomed house, 3 bathrooms, large underbuild, private underground parking direct to house, small gated urbanisation, directly over looking proposed new golf course opposite Gran Alacant, priced for quick sale at original off plan price 195.000 Tel 680 333 242 Gran Alacant, front line, 2 bed, 1 bath, downstairs toilet, fully furnished, roof terrace, walking distance to beaches, large communal and resturants, beach front property priced for quick sale 125,000 Tel 680 333 242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit : www.villaandvacation.com Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles.

It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully

equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 510, €79,999.

Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is

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included in this sale. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: KP3100, €198,000.

Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off-road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool nearby. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref. 526, €49,900. A lovely bright 1 bedroom apartment in the area of Torreblanca.There is a large communal pool and well maintained gardens, with tennis courts and childrens play area. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 532: 3 Bedroom Detached villa Located on the edge of a small spanish village with 3,800 sqm of landscaped gardents, Private Pool, Bargain €180,000 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 533: Lovley 2 bedroom Townhouse located in the popular area of Punta Prima, the property has a

large lounge and fully equiped kitchen, 2 double bedrooms, one with balcony, bathroom with double shower. €126,000 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

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46

Friday, April 27, 2012

Greenside Gossip IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

BBC coverage cutbacks worry R&A chief

OUT IN THE OPEN

PETER DAWSON, chief executive of the Royal & Ancient Golf Club, has warned the BBC that its future broadcasting of the Open is at risk if it continues to scale down live golf coverage.

From next year, the BBC will screen only six days of live men’s professional golf. The corporation has a contract to show the Open live until 2016 but, speaking at this year's venue of Royal Lytham & St Annes, Dawson said there is no guarantee of that agreement being extended.

"Certainly," replied Dawson when asked if the BBC's gradual withdrawal from golf was a concern to the R&A. "We have had that conversation with the BBC. They know we have got our eye on them. It hasn't just been in golf but with the likes of tennis as well.

"You have to stay in practice and keep up with advances in technology. You need to be in practice to do it well. We obviously want the Open Championship to be seen by as many people as we can.

“The BBC know they need to get off the financial plateau they are on with the Open Championship by the next time it comes around. Who knows who will be on the scene then?"

Intriguingly, Dawson proceeded to volunteer ESPN – who hold a US broadcast deal with the R&A – as potential rivals to the BBC. Contractual talks are due to get underway between the R&A and the BBC about 18 months before the present deal ends.

For now, the Open is placed on a B section of listed events earmarked for free-to-air coverage. Others alongside them, such as the Ryder Cup and domestic Test cricket matches, only have highlights coverage on ter- year's Open, despite the competition of the Olympics restrial television.

The chief executive also in London. July will mark the playing of the took a swipe at the BBC's 11th policy of using retired sports Championship at Lytham & people to present golf. "It St Annes and the first time does seem rather unusual," since 2001. It is hoped than an increase on the aggregate said Dawson.

At the recent Masters, for- 180,000 attendance from 11 mer England cricket captain years ago will be secured.

"That would be a good Michael Vaughan made an infamous statistical blunder achievement in an Olympic when interviewing Tiger year for London," Dawson Woods for BBC television. said. "We thought there (There really is no one like would be some effect but we are not seeing it in ticket Peter Alliss) The R&A report strong sales at this point. Corporate advance ticket sales for this hospitality is storming along;

IVIE’S GOLF TIPS

Bubba’s boy: Masters champion Bubba Watson with son Caleb

CHIPPING THE golden rule in chipping is: Fly the ball as little as possible and roll the ball as much as possible.

With that in mind, it is important to understand the air-time/ground-time ratios of shots hit with different clubs. The selection of the correct club is vital. You can chip with anything from a 3-iron to a sand wedge, depending on the situation, but you must know the following formulas to decide which club is required.

When you chip with a pitching wedge, the ball will fly half the distance to the hole and roll half the distance. When you chip with an 8-iron the ball will fly 1/3 of the distance and roll 2/3. When you chip with a 6-iron the ball will fly 1/4 of the distance and roll 3/4.

These formulas are based on a normal paced, level green (a situation we don't often find on the course), so if you are going uphill you would need to go up one club, and downhill requires going down one club. If the green is fast, you again will need to go down one club and if the green is slow you will go up one club. I know this may sound confusing at first, but once you understand the basic formula, it really is just common sense.

Always try to land the ball about three feet onto the putting surface and let it roll the rest of the way.

Peter Dawson: ‘ We obviously want the Open Championship to be seen by as many people as we can’ it is well up on last year.

Corporate sales are stronger than they have been."

The R&A will, however, delay announcing this year's Open prize fund. "I wouldn't expect a significant increase on it but there certainly won't be a reduction," the chief executive said. "I don't see the need to make already generous prize money outrageously generous in these times."

From this year, spectators will be able to use mobile phones on the course.

Meanwhile, he R&A Chief Executive reiterated his per-

sonal stance that the respective tours in Europe and the US should make it public when players are punished for bad on-course behaviour.

Tiger Woods again generated unwanted attention at the Masters for swearing and kicking a club; the former world No1 has previous for spitting on courses.

"It is a rather unedifying spectacle, there's no doubt about that," Dawson said. "I am on record as saying public sanctions would not be a bad thing and that they would be more likely to lead to a correction of bad behaviour."

TITTER ON THE TEE A CLUB golfer asks a professional : “What’s the difference between playing on grass and Astro turf?”

“I don’t know,’’ replied the pro.

“I’ve never smoked

Astro turf”.

ODD TRUTH: Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

In the address position the weight is on the front foot, with the ball position in the middle of the feet.

The hands are then slightly ahead of the ball.

The most important aspect of chipping (besides choosing the right club) is to make sure that the left wrist (right wrist for left-handers) does not break down during the chipping motion. The moment the wrist breaks down two things happen: 1.

The loft on the club changes, therefore changing the trajectory which in turn affects the roll of the ball. Inconsistent distances will result.

2.

The arm breaks down as well, causing bladed shots that go screaming across the green.

To ensure that neither of these things happen, work on keeping your arm straight and your wrist firm during the shot. If you find this difficult to achieve in practice try this: Take a thick rubber band and place it around your wrist. Slide the butt end of the grip under the elastic band, keeping the grip end of the club close to the wrist. This will give you the correct feel when chipping the ball.

If you wish to lower your handicap, skip a few sessions on the driving range, and head for the chipping green instead. You'll love the results to your game and your opponents won't!

Friday, April 27, 2012

47

HOLLOWAY’S TOWER OF STRENGTH IT'S going to be a battle royale in the Championship play-offs and Ian Holloway is glad to be alive and kicking again as Blackpool bid to tower above the rest and ride the roller-coaster back into the big time.

The Seasiders went up into the Premier League in 2010 and came straight back down. Now after a 4-0 win over Burnley that bolstered their bid, they are right on course for a return to the top.

"We can go into the playoffs singing and dancing now after the huge disappointment we had when we were relegated from the Premier League last year," said Blackpool boss Holloway.

"It's all about morale. We were floored and have done magnificently to regain it.

Now we have to see if we have regained it enough to

match the other teams in the play-offs. I believe we have.’’

Holloway added: "The teams at the top of the Championship are so good you celebrate every point you get off them. The rest you can throw a blanket over.

But you have to buy a ticket to be in the lottery and we are right in there."

I take Birmingham to win through from the play-offs. If West Ham or Southampton don't win automatic promotion - and one of them won't it will take the edge off things for them and they will struggle in the white hot atmosphere of the play-offs. Cardiff aren't good enough which, Blackpool apart, leaves dark horses Middlesbrough, who must win at Watford tomorrow and hope Cardiff lose at Crystal Palace to scrape into the top six..

Full of potential and goals

and they have been up there with the creme de la creme – as I remember all too well from my time covering Boro for the Sunday Sun in that season when they had Ravanelli, Juninho and Emerson on their books with Bryan Robson in the manager's chair.

For the three that do make it, much has been said about the gap between the Premier League and the Championship narrowing.

Swansea and Norwich have won high praise for more than holding their own in the top flight this season but Holloway warned: "It’s next season that will be the big test for them.’’

Staying in the top flight for a second season is the test he was referring to. I reckon a third too. Bolton and Wigan have done exceedingly well to be up there for so many

TORRY OUT TO TURN TABLES

years - and they are struggling now.

Despite Blackpool's recent cash outlays, mainly to former chairman Owen Oyston, I had a stunning reminder of the financial constraints when I went for a cup of coffee at Blackpool. Old timer Keith Graham loves his job as steward in the media room so much that he dips into his own pocket to buy the milk that goes into the tea and coffee.

There's also no wi-fi at Bloomfield Road so if you’re taking a laptop, don't forget your dongle!

FC Torrevieja face their most important match Torry manager, but opted for Crevillente following disclosures of the season on Sunday with the visit of league about money problems at the Vicente Garcia. He took Crevillente to the brink of the play offs before setting his leaders Catarroja visit, intent on revenge.

Torry were the first side this term to win at The Mundial 82 when Petu scored the only goal of a tumultous game after Torry’s Corella was sent off in the first half.

At the time, Torry boasted star players Carrasco, Prior, Mendez, Diego Meijide, Nico and Petu - all of whom departed this year following financial difficulties.

John Clarkson, manager of Catarroja, wasted no time in snapping up top marksman Petu, who is sadly ruled out of this contest through suspension.

Nonetheless, this encounter is filled with intrigue and tension. Two seasons ago Clarkson was lined up to become the

sights this season with Catarroja on winning the championship and gaining promotion to division 2B. At the start of the match Catarroja sit at the head of the table on 83 points, with FC Torrevieja in sixth place on 71, three off the play off mark.

John will be focused on winning this match and staying ahead of Levante B, also on 83 points, as well as avenging that first (of only two ) home defeats.

Torry manager Casimiro Torres will demand the same from his players, who have been irresistible in recent weeks, winning five of their last six matches.

Morale the key to Prem return, says Blackpool boss Ian Holloway: He has his lottery ticket

DON’T MISS THE BIG DAY

THE day is set up to be thrilling. TKO will be there on Sunday with their roadshow to help create a carnival atmosphere, pumping out hit tunes designed to raise the spirits and get the crowd in good voice.

Costa Cones will likewise be on hand to help keep the fans from boiling over.

There will be food and refreshments to buy, as well as the raffle to send at least one supporter home happy and laden with goodies.

But the big prize is the three points on offer, which could propel this decimated Torry outfit one step closer to those much coveted play-off matches.

With only three games to play and three points adrift of Acero in that final play- off spot, Torry are up against it. However, the home support at the Vicente Garcia is nothing short of phenomenal, almost adding another player to proceedings with their noisy horns and drums. The team will need their fans to get right behind them if they are to succeed. This game is designated a dia del club, meaning all spectators will pay on the day. Season ticket holders will pay €5 admission, with all others paying the normal €10 entrance price. Children under 16 gain free admission.

The game kicks off at 5pm, but the music and refreshments will be ready to enjoy as soon as the gates open at 3.30, so get there early and soak up the vibes!

Friday, April 27, 2012

48

WONDERDOGS!

It’s final for (from left) Arjen Robben, Fernando Torres and Bastian Schweinsteiger

Welcome to the new Europe as Chelsea and Bayern put bite on Spain’s big two WHO let the underdogs out?

Chelsea and Bayern Munich have won through to the Champions League final and banished the dream of an all-Spanish final to the casa del perros.

Barcelona and Real Madrid have been left to lick their wounds but I don't think things are as bad as some people were making out when they consigned Barca to the mere mortals pile after their exit.

I still think Real have the strongest squad in the world right now and the best way to bounce back would be for Spain to retain the European Championship in a couple of months’ time.

Fernando Torres has already got the sniff of home and international comforts in his nostrils again, if his goal against Barca and recent return to form are anything to go by.

But Chelsea's all-round performance was amazing, given all the circumstances. Losing both centre backs and going behind as the hosts briefly looked the part made things look extra tough for the London side.

STEVE BOTT reports

Indeed, while they might have been on the back foot for most of the game, the two goals that won it from Ramires and Torres were top-drawer efforts worthy of any big stage in the world.

Whether they can do it all again and overcome Bayern on their own midden on May 19 remains to be seen. The German side were what German sides always are - efficient, well drilled and dominant throughout against what many believe to be the best team in Europe if not the world.

In Arjen Robben, Bayern have the nearest thing to the complete footballer - athletic, skilful, intelligent and influential. Franck Ribery, Bastien Schweinsteiger and Daniel van Buyten aren't too bad either, so Chelsea definitely won't have it easy in Munich.

All the talk at the Bridge following their success is whether Roberto di Matteo should be given the manager's job permanently or not. Now that Real have been dumped out of the Champions League at the penultimate hurdle, it just might be that Jose Mourinho is in line for a return to the Bridge. Bad move if it happens. Never go back, they say - even when you are an alleged Special One. He's about as Special as a wet weekend in Bridlington and no better than his next result indicates. Nobody in football is.

Ask anyone at Barcelona!

Di Matteo has more than earned the right to keep the job - if he wants it. I like him and thought he did well at West Brom. And those who were there will never forget that extremely early goal he scored in the FA Cup final against Middlesbrough at the old Wembley Stadium in 1996.

One like that in the final from one of his players would set them up nicely for a tremendous end to a season that until recently had been one of huge disappointment and uncertainty for Chelsea. As things stand, they could finish it with two trophies - one of them a first-ever Champions League crown that many a recent Chelsea boss has tried but failed to win.

Di Matteo would wear that crown well for he is a humble guy as well as being very, very good at his job.

He could also have played for Switzerland had he wanted to as he was born there but opted for Italy, his parents' country.

Back home in England we have that small matter of the Manchester derby coming up on Monday night.

There is quite a bit at stake in that one too and I am going to be bold and stick with Man U for a win that would virtually seal their 20th title.