The Courier Week 78

Edition 78

www.thecourier.es

Friday, August 17, 2012

Our latest edition is always online at www.thecourier.es

By AMANDA BLACK SPANISH authorities have launched an investigation after three Ryanair planes called in mayday emergencies because of low fuel levels.

The Aviation Safety Agency announced on Tuesday that it would look into the incidents involving the low-cost airline after receiving a complaint from airport authority AENA. If it is found to have contravened regulations the Irish carrier could face a three year ban from flying into Spain.

SPAIN BAN THREAT TO RYANAIR

Ryanair has denied any breach of regulations and released a statement saying its planes always carry the fuel levels required by European authorities.

The incidents under investigation occurred on July 26 when three Ryanair craft were forced to divert from Madrid to Valencia during a thunderstorm. ‘‘All aircraft landed normalAll three were put into a holding pattern above ly with minimum fuel levels Valencia’s Manises airport remaining,” said McNamara.

He added: “All of the along with other diverted airRyanair flights operate with craft.

But the three Ryanair the fuel levels required by pilots were forced to ask for [manufacturer] Boeing and priority clearance to land – the European Aviation Safety two within minutes of each Agency.”

The issue of how much other – when their fuel levels fuel pilots on Ryanair jets are fell too low.

None of the other waiting allowed to carry has been airlines had to call a mayday. part of an efficiency drive at Ryanair spokesman the budget airline – lighter Stephen McNamara said the planes burn less fuel.

The amount of kerosene planes were left circling the airport for 50, 68 and 69 min- that an aircraft takes on is utes and the pilots requested calculated by the pilot before permission to land when fuel take-off and Ryanair instructs fell to 30 minutes of flying its staff only to take on board time, following standard the minimum. industry safety procedures.

On Sunday, the Irish

Fuel row sparks potential travel crisis Independent newspaper quoted memos from Shane McKeon, the airline’s deputy chief pilot and base captain at Stansted, urging against “unreliable excuses” for carrying more than the recommended fuel amounts.

“The most unreasonable excuse is, ‘I like to land with three tons so I take the trip plus three tons’. This is not Ryanair policy, this is completely unacceptable, and is not what you are remunerated to do,” one memo is reported to have said.

In addition to a threeyear ban, if found to be in breach of the rules the budget airline could face a fine of 4.5 million euros.

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Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way TELEPHONE

96 692 1003 679 096 309 96 692 1003 E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Calle Luis Canovas Martinez 1. Urb Aguas Nuevas, Torrevieja 03183, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 692 1003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel 685 901 265 Writers Donna Gee Amanda Black Sally Bengtsson Rebecca Marks Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Steve Bott Tony Mayes Jake Monroe

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Picture of the Week

JUNGLE DRUMS

THE TAX DODGERS BRITAIN'S most wanted tax fugitives have been publicly exposed for the first time as HM Revenue & Customs launches a fresh bid to track down the fraudsters.

HMRC has published pictures of its "Most Wanted" tax criminals online as part of a new appeal to the public, asking for help in tracing them.

The men are tax dodgers who have fled after being charged with a crime or during trial, according to Revenue & Customs.

Collectively, they have cost the Treasury almost £800m and the move comes as the coalition is attempting to clamp down on tax evasion.

The list includes Hussain Asad Chohan, a smuggler

HMRC evasion force hots up hunt for fugitive fraudsters

and fraudster from the West Midlands, who has cost the taxpayer an estimated £200m and is believed to be hiding in Dubai.

It also features Gordon Arthur, who is believed to be in the US after absconding while on bail in 2000. He dodged an estimated £15m in tax on imported alcohol and cigarettes.

HMRC work with Crimestoppers to gather information that might help trace the fugitives but this is the first time their photographs and details have been published.

D a v i d Gauke, the Exchequer S e c r e t a r y, said: “The Government is absolutely committed to

tackling tax evasion and fraud.

"These criminals have collectively cost the taxpayer over £765m and HMRC will pursue them relentlessly.

"We hope that publishing their pictures in this way will enable members of the pub-

Friday Sunny High 31° Low 25° Chance of rain 0% Monday Sunny High 32° Low 22° Chance of rain 0%

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lic to contribute to the effort to catch them."

Tax evasion and fraud costs the taxpayer around £10bn. The Government has invested over £900m in HMRC in an attempt to raise an extra £7bn a year in tax revenue.

Saturday Sunny High 32° Low 26° Chance of rain 0% Wednesday Sunny High 31° Low 22° Chance of rain 0%

Sunday Sunny High 32° Lo 24° Chance of rain 0% Thursday Sunny High 31° Lo 23° Chance of rain 0%

Friday, August 17, 2012

Expats conned out of £10m Fraudster cons British expats out of €10 million A FRAUDSTER has led a life of luxury after stealing €10 million from 100 British expats.

Ex-insurance salesman John Hirst, 61, West Yorkshire, ran a bogus pyramid scheme in Mallorca along with his wife Linda, 62, and their 70year-old accountant Richard Pollett.

The con-artist moved to the

Spanish island after serving a prison sentence for defrauding Yorkshire miners out of their redundancy payments in the 1990s.

Hirst persuaded the expat investors to hand over large sums of money to his company Gilher Inc with a false guarantee of an 18% a year return.

The Serious Fraud Office has revealed how Hirst spent a staggering €242,000 of the money on his

wedding and after party, €344,000 renovating his Majorca villa, and over €200,000 on flights and hotels between 2001 and 2009.

Bradford Crown Court also heard that Hirst and and his wife have spent almost €32,000 on jewellery and a further €95,000 on luxury cruises.

The trio have pleaded guilty to fraud and will be sentenced on August 31.

The small amounts of these ingredients used in the product means it is unlikely it will cause any harm but the manufacturer has decided to change the formula.

Meanwhile Mercadona confirmed ‘there is no evidence these products

were harmful to health’ and that it had chosen voluntarily to withdraw the products. Customers can return the products in exchange for a new one or get their money back.

The supermarket has also set up a telephone number for anyone wanting further information: 902 548 222.

The products affected are: lSolcare Locion After Sun Hidratante lSolcare Locion After Sun Luminosidad lSolcare Gel After Sun Aloe Vera lDeliplus Nutritiva Corporal Con Aceite de Oliva lDeliplus Crema de Manos Nutritiva lDeliplus Hidratante Corporal con Aloe lDeliplus Hidratante Corporal Efecto Luminosidad l Deliplus Hidratante Corporal Reafirmante lDeliplus Hidratante Antisequedad Para Pies lDeliplus Nutritiva Corporal con Almendras lDeliplus Hidratante Corporal Pieles Atopicas

MERCADONA IN CANCER SCARE

By AMANDA BLACK LEADING Spanish supermarket Mercadona has taken 11 cosmetic products off its shelves after they were found to have links to cancer.

The chain recalled the Deliplus and Solcare products, including moisturisers and after-sun lotions, after it was found two of the ingredients could produce a substance linked with causing cancerous tumours.

When used simultaneously the two ingredients, triethanolamine which controls pH, and the preservative bronopol, can form the carcinogenic substance nitrosamine.

The Health Ministry has declined to issue a health warning and has reassured the public the products ‘do not pose any risk to the health of users’.

It comes after the Spanish Agency of Medicines and Health Products (AEMPS) conducted a routine product assessment and found the combination of ingredients went against current legislation.

Holy smoke... it’s Bradley CiggIns! CYCLING superman Bradley Wiggins shines a whole new light on the concept of keeping the Olympic flame burning.

Wiggo, 32, lit up a cigarette outside a restaurant as he relaxed with a glass of wine while on holiday in Pollensa, Majorca, the Daily Mirror reported this week.

The Team GB hero was taking a well-earned rest with friends and family after he blazed to gold in the London 2012 time trial, just 10 days after becoming the first Brit to win the Tour de France.

Bradley, who was also parading around shirtless during his night out, is due to compete in the Tour of Denmark next week.

THE BEST OF BRITISH IN SPAIN - Page 10

l

The party’s over

THERE are to be no more cocktail receptions, wine parties or other celebrations held at the taxpayer’s expense in Murcia.

Good practice guidelines published in the region have called time on publicly funded hospitality events.

Other cost-cutting measures in the Boletín Oficial of Murcia include a restriction on the use of official cars and a recommendation that public offices stop buying newspapers and magazines and instead access online versions.

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Friday, August 17, 2012

UK’S MOST UNFORTUNATE PLACE NAMES

The pride of the Piddle Valley...

Eddie Butterfield loves life in the Piddle Valley

...where all rudes lead to Shitterton THE residents of Shitterton in Dorset have been the butt of jokes for years.

Now they are braced for more toilet humour after their village topped a poll of places with the most embarrassing names in Britain.

Shitterton beat Scratchy Bottom, also in Dorset, and Brokenwind in Aberdeenshire to top the list of places with the most unfortunate names in the UK. Dorset can boast three of the top ten, with Happy Snoring coming in tenth in the table which came as a result of polling 1,773 people, according to the Daily Mirror.

Crapstone, on the edge of Dartmoor in Devon, is fourth while Golden Balls, five miles south of Oxford, came fifth in the survey carried out by family history website, findmypast.co.uk. xx Shitterton, which lies in Dorset’s Piddle Valley, has been called ‘the village that dare not speak its name’.

However, residents recently clubbed together to pay for a one-and-a-half ton slab of local marble, carved with the Shitterton name, to be placed by the roadside at the hamlet’s entrance.

This replaced a more conventional Shitterton road sign, which kept getting stolen by souvenir hunters.

The origins of the name Shitterton are uncertain but one theory has it that it means simply ‘the village on the stream that is used as an open sewer’.

Local blacksmith Eddie Butterfield, 50, has proudly lived in Shitterton for 20 years.

He said: “I am well used to all the comments you get from people you speak to on the phone and the interest from visitors.

“I suppose it is titillating to people from outside the area but to me Shitterton is home.

“People come here and have their picture

THE TOP TEN 1 SHITTERTON (Dorset) 2 SCRATCHY BOTTOM (Dorset) 3 BROKENWIND (Aberdeenshire) 4 CRAPSTONE (Devon) 5 GOLDEN BALLS (Oxfordshire) 6 UGLEY (Essex) 7 CRACKPOT (North Yorkshire) 8 BACKSIDE (Aberdeenshire) 9 GREAT SNORING (Norfolk) 10 HAPPY BOTTOM (Dorset) taken by the sign. If coming first in this survey brings more people to the village then that is a good thing.”

Ian Ventham, chairman of the parish council, said: “The name doesn’t bother us in the slightest.

"Shitterton also lies in the Piddle Valley, but so what?”

Scratchy Bottom is a cliff-top valley in rural Dorset, near the village of Chaldon Herring.

The valley’s name is thought to refer to the fact it is a rough and rugged hollow.

Debra Chatfield, of findmypast, said: “Dorset is definitely the top county for unfortunate place-names, with three in the top 10.

“You can perhaps judge the strength of the short-list from the quality of the names that failed to make it.”

These included Sandy Balls (Hampshire), Pratts Bottom (Kent) and North Piddle (Worcestershire).

Mrs Chatfield, a family historian, added: “If there were an Olympics for unlikely placenames, Britain would surely be good for a medal, if not the gold. It would face some strong competition, from U.S. place-names such as Toad Suck (Arkansas), Climax (Georgia) and Boring (Oregon).’’

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editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

The fact is, I’m no bigoted racist THANK you for publishing my letter in The Courier last week. However, the quips you made at the end of it unfortunately show me as being a bigoted racist, which I can assure you I am not.

I have worked all over the world with people of every colour and creed and have always accepted them for what they are, my equals.

Yes, there are a lot of “white AngloSaxons sponging off the taxpayers of the UK” and that is my point. Why is the UK Government so concerned about a minority number of people defrauding the Benefit system here in Spain when they have a far

bigger problem with it in the UK? Surely the way to tackle the problem is to attack the roots and not just lop off a few branches?

With regards to your quip about how much of my letter was fact, surely as a newspaper Editor you must vet the articles you print before publishing them!

For your information most of my facts came from British national papers and the WWW, not the ones that publish headlines such as ”Elvis Spotted Working in Tesco’s” or “World War 2 Lancaster Bomber found on the Moon” but credible tabloids., I attach the data I used for your

information and perhaps an apology would be in order.

PS The picture of the people stood outside the Job Centre you published with my letter epitomises one of the problems in the UK How many of them are white AngloSaxons?

MIKE JOBBINS Since UK daily newspapers all have their own political bias, it’s very much a case of ‘believe what you will.’ I am not saying your ‘facts’ are wrong, Mike, but I am more concerned about the country’s growing indigenous underclass (the ‘scum society’ as some people call it). They will destroy Britain, not the immigrants. - ED

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BOTT UNDER THE COLLAR

An Olympic broadside for The Courier’s Loose Cannon

WHAT a nasty vidictive obnoxious man Steve Bott is!. Why do you keep him in employment?

He has nothing good to say about Britain. The majority of the UK think the Olympics have been a delight and wonderfully organised.

In these troubled times for everybody, it has been so refreshing to see athletes behaving sportingly after winning or losing. That certainly doesn’t happen in the big-money world of his beloved Manchester United, where the players are overpaid prima donnas. He is a typical United fan who can’t take defeat gracefully.

He is guilty of biased reporting. Please get a sports writer who isn’t biased and reports fairly.

DAVE MANSELL

Why tell the world?

IN this frightening world of greed and malice, I was staggered to see Britain’s latest EuroMillions jackpot virtually opening their door to any lowlife bent on getting his evil mitts on the loot.

Not only were the ‘lucky’ couple’s pictures blasted all over the newspapers and TV, we were shown the music shop Adrian Bayford owns and told that he would be returning to work imminently.

My advice to him is to get out of the country mighty rapido because you can rest assured it’s only a matter of time before someone pops into Adrian’s store with a sawn-off shotgun and a ransom note.

Why on earth jackpot winners don’t remain anonymous I’ll never know.

L GREEN, Los Alcazares

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EDITOR Donna Gee says: I have to agree about Man United fans, Dave - most of my family support Fergie’s lot and they are all bad losers - and also bad winners who gloat at other teams’ misfortunes. But at least Botty is a Mancunian, as are my son-in-law and grandkids. That’s more than can be said for most United fans.

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DONNA says: The bad news, Pauline, is that Steve Bott IS based in the UK. That’s also the good news for those of us who live in Spain! So is the fact the YOUR reporter Steve Bott’s negativity on the Olympic Olympics are over so Botty no longer has anything to Games made me so cross I felt the need to answer him. A lot moan about until Man United start losing. But give him of the problems in the UK are due to the lambasting put credit for having the courage of his convictions...includdowns of the press and media. ing the four-year term he’s just begun for GBH (Great Why for once don't you all get behind the British and give Britain Heresy, that is)! credit where it is due? Not negativity all the time. The thousands of people who turned out to watch the athletes obvi- STEVE BOTT - Loose Cannon. Can I point out that a loose cannon only ever did damage to its owner. Come on Donna, ously disagreed with Steve Bott’s opinion.

I think the Games were a great success and showed what your paper does not need to be promoting the views of such PETER WARD, Playa Flamenca we can do as a nation. My comment to Steve Bott is how glad a bigoted Saddo. we are that you are here in Spain and not in the UK. It is the best place for you and your negativity.

PAULINE NICHOLS

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DONNA says: Botty is Botty, Peter - and admittedly he does talk through his name at times. The art of it is not to take him seriously when he starts ranting.

PERVY HEART SURGEON’S UP AND UNDER A HEART surgeon appeared in court this week accused of looking up a woman’s skirt in a Tesco supermarket.

Dr Ahmed Abdelgawad, 35, denied outraging public decency by touching himself while spying on the unsuspecting female shopper in an aisle of the busy store in Swansea.

CCTV footage showed the surgeon

near young women as they went about their weekly shop, magistrates heard.

Prosecutor Hayley Davies told the court: “The victim and her mother were shopping. He is seen to walk past them carrying a drinks can.

"He looks around to see if anyone is watching. He puts his can on the floor and then crouches down and lies down

to look up her skirt. After he gets back up, picks up his can and walks around the aisles – making no effort to look at any of the items.”

Swansea magistrates heard that the surgeon also had his hand in his trouser pocket and was touching himself.

But Abdelgawad denied the claims, saying in a statement: “It was a stupid,

silly mistake. I didn’t touch myself in any way. I am remorseful for the incident and put it down to my raised stress, anxiety or depression.”

Abdelgawad was released on bail. A spokesman for the General Medical Council said: “He has been suspended from the medical register and may not practise as a doctor in the UK.”

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A JOB TO DIE FOR WHEN I bought my Costa Blanca home seven years ago, the plan was to escape a rapidly deteriorating UK, head for the sunshine, and retire.

I sailed through the first two markers like Ben Ainslie hunting down Olympic gold...only to end up with arguably the biggest challenge of my career.

After four decades as a reporter, sub-editor and columnist with a string of Fleet Street titles, the birth of The Courier 18 months ago did not exactly grab me by the grey hair.

What did excite me was being involved in a brandnew venture - just as I was with the Daily Star in 1978.

As for becoming Editor last summer, it sort of happened.

And for the last 14 months, I have endeavoured to produce a lively, colourful newspaper using skills I learnt working with some of the

But it makes stents to quit while I’m alive

If my Parkinson’s gets worse, will they give me my own chat show? finest journalists on earth.

And I have enjoyed every minute of it.

What I do know is that as I get older, the pressures of the job are becoming progressively harder to deal with. And since I’d rather be a live columnist than a dead

stresshead, I’ve decided to vacate the Editor’s chair in the near future.

It’s tough enough for an able-bodied Editor to oversee the editorial process, including originating, following-up and writing stories, copy-tasting, designing, edit-

BOTTOMS UP Smart Ars world of fly-high prices...

AIRPORT rip-offs are nothing new. And I’m not talking about my favourite whipping boys, Ryanair.

Last year I took a swipe at Manchester Airport’s car park charges – a minimum £15 if you stay more than two hours.

That was some time ago…it’s probably doubled since then if I know the UK greed machine.

It was a pleasant relief, then, to find that the new terminal at El Altet actually has a sensible price structure when it comes to parking.

It’s also inexpensive to park your bum in the unfortunately named Ars restau-

rant near the passenger pick-up point. As long as you don’t buy anything, that is.

Not even a bottle of water, because a decent sized bottle of the stuff will set you back a cool €3.50.

And if you fancy some breakfast, the Special Desayuno menu is only €5.95. Not too bad for a nice English fry-up –

bacon, sausage, eggs, baked beans and all the trimmings. Sorry pals, an Ars breakfast consists of a coffee and a croissant – plus, for some obscure reason, an orange juice.

You can also invest in a real treat if you’ve €8.50 to spare - a hot baguette and half a litre of cerveza.

That’s around seven and a half quid for a butty and a beer.

Ironically, one corner of the Ars premises at El Altet bears the bizarre title Rodilla (Knee in Spanish).

I’ve heard of people not knowing their Ars from their elbow, but knee?

Ah well, maybe it’s a joint enterprise …

ing and headlining.

But when you have a writby afflicted hand ing Parkinson’s Disease and coronary arteries littered with stents, being Editor is a nailed-on recipe for becoming Deaditor in record time.

I find the easiest way to

deal with my health problems is to laugh at my afflictions.

“The bad news is that I have Parkinson’s Disease,’’ I habitually tell people I meet.

“The good news is that if it gets any worse, they might give me my own chat show.’’

That line is invariably followed by a quip about my heart problems on the lines of, “At least I still have more money than stents.’’

It’s weird that we still refer to the newspaper industry as ‘Fleet Street’, decades after the printing presses rolled out of EC4 and the relative tranquility of Wapping and Canary Wharf welcomed the world of new technology.

It seems like yesterday that I walked apprehensively into the glass-fronted edifice

that housed the Beaverbrook empire for my first shift as a Sunday Express sub-editor.

That newspaper’s awesome Editor - the legendary John Juror - was to have a major impact on my future career, which is more than I can say for at least one of my subsequent bosses. Piers Morgan, take a bow - if you can get your head out of your backside, that is!

I remember a careers advisor visiting my school when I was 15 and dismissing out of hand my observation that I wanted to be a journalist.

The following day I applied for a job as a trainee reporter - and half a century later I am still learning the business .

Whether I’ll ever become a journalist is another matter...

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Friday, August 17, 2012

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THE ONLY WAY IS...OOPS I CREPT up behind Mrs S in the local supermarket and whispered into her ear: 'The Tickle Monster's coming to get you.'

To err is human although the woman I had believed to be Mrs S registered no sign of acceptance of that saying on her blanched features.

Whenever my jolly japes go wrong I wriggle out of my predicament by cleverly diverting attention to an aspect of my character that will arouse sympathy and kindness.

In this case, before the poor potential Tickle Monster victim could react by calling for the supermarket security guard, I quickly sat down on the aisle floor between the baked beans and mushy peas, held out a handful of loose change and announced calmly: 'One way only please. This bus does go to the Home for the Bewildered, innit?'

'It's your own stupid fault,' reckoned the real Mrs S when we met up later at home. 'Not only did you pick the wrong person on which to play your juvenile joke but you were in the wrong supermarket anyway. I'd arranged to meet you elsewhere, you plonker. Sometimes I wish you LIVED elsewhere.'

'How was I to know?' I grumbled. 'All those supermarkets look the same to me . . . er . . . apart from the signature layout designs, identifiable colour schemes and the store's name in every aisle.'

But that's me in a nutshell. Apart from being ever so humble, my only flaw is total confusion over where anywhere is.

Never, ever ask directions from me. I just cannot get to grips with places and how to get there. My navigational knowledge is a no-no. I would need a sat nav just to walk around the corner.

To this day I still remember the family of four in the Ford Prefect who were looking forward to an evening out some 45 Christmases ago.

There I was leaning on a lamp post at the corner of the street, waiting for my date not to turn up, when the car screeched to a halt.

The driver shot out of the vehicle and ran towards me.

'No!' I shrieked. 'Don't ask me for directions. I am not worthy. Just get back in your car and drive off. I shall even pay you to go away.

'Only please, please don't come any nearer and say in a

breathless voice something like: "Would you direct me to the Opera House only I got lost driving through the city centre and Cinderella starts in 10 minutes."

'And don't, I beg of you, continue: "My wife and two young children have been looking forward to nothing else since I booked the panto tickets six months ago."'

Of course, no part of my entreaty actually passed my lips.

That was purely my inner voice warning me that I was about to plunge this stranger's life and that of his family into chaos.

But then again my therapist had told me that I must never jump to conclusions.

He said I tended to misinterpret situations in order to fuel my own self-defeating behaviour. I was guilty of magnifying negatives, minimising positives and constantly catastrophising.

In other words, without clear proof I should not assume that everything in life was a mess of my

own making.

'If you can accept that premise, David,' the therapist had promised, 'I will loosen your straps.'

So, standing at the corner all those years ago watching the stranger approach, I put to good use my doctor's advice.

The guy had probably stopped his car solely to compliment me on my trendy winklepicker shoes.

Or he had a spare free ticket for the next Manchester United match and would love for me to have it.

Or he was a busy millionaire and wondered if I'd care to spend six months at his villa in the Bahamas looking after his gorgeous younger sister.

Yes, it had to be something of that nature.

The stranger was now standing directly in front of me. He was breathing rather heavily.

'Excuse me,' he panted. 'Would you direct me to the Opera House only I got lost driving through the city centre and Cinderella starts in 10 minutes.

'My wife and two young children have been looking forward to nothing else since I booked the panto tickets six months ago.'

I thought the guy was going to slap me for being cheeky because I was reciting his very words in synchronicity. But then, after our daft dialogue duet had ended, a wonderful thing happened.

I heard myself giving the bloke the most amazingly explicit directions with nary a stutter, a gulp or a bead of flop sweat on my brow.

The man was ever so thankful as he dashed back to his car. I waved goodbye as the vehicle sped off to the Cinderella panto and no doubt the best night of the family's lives.

You shall go to the ball, I thought euphorically, and danced a little jig on the street corner as I still waited for my date not to turn up.

It was only later that I realised I'd not only sent the man, his wife and their two excited kiddies to a different theatre but I'd also directed them there the wrong way up a busy one-way street.

The full extent of my panto crime engulfed me. My pride changed back into a pumpkin.

Cinders turned to ashes. Buttons had been undone. And one of the Ugly Sisters got off with Prince Charming.

Spain’s the place for RAJOY STRETCHES the best of British! €400 DOLE SCHEME

SPAIN has always been a top holiday destination for Brits and the country’s top politicians and athletes are no exception.

The Prime Minister, deputy PM and Bradley Wiggins have all been spotted this week taking a break in the Spanish sunshine.

David Cameron and wife Samantha have been spending a few days on the holiday island of Mallorca, while Nick Clegg and his Spanish wife Miriam are visiting her home town of Olmedo, near Madrid.

Wiggins, like the Camerons, headed for

SPANISH Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy has announced that the Council of Ministers will retroactively extend the 400 euros per month emergency payment for long-term unemployed with no other income who are signed up for re-training schemes.

Rajoy (pictured right) indicated that there would be improvements to the scheme but did not specify what changes could be made in helping to make it more effective.

“The main objective is to achieve the employment of these people,” he explained.

There are still two months remaining for those who are entitled to help under the old Mallorca for his well-earned break (see scheme to make their claim, so any changes story on Page 3) cannot be made until after then.

The Camerons released an official holiGovernment forecasts of the unemployed day snap of them sipping coffee outside at this time have been exceeded. There are a café, leading to immediate criticism of currently 500,000 beneficiaries, of which the PM’s office-like vacation attire. about 200,000 are currently paid the 400 With temperatures sweltering well into euros. the 30s, the Prime Minister donned a The scheme, which was originally intendlong-sleeve navy shirt and heavy dark ed as a short-term emergency measure, has jeans. He even wore the same black shoes he wears for work at number 10, been extended every six months since February 2011. complete with socks.

It would have ended for new claims on, Sam Cam looked more elegant, and a lot cooler, in denim dress and white san- August 15, had the Government not announced the changes. dals.

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SAY IT IN SPANISH Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH LESSON 33 WELCOME to another sunny week, I hope if you´re heading off on your holidays you are keeping up to date with these classes online or getting a friend to keep a copy of the paper for you.

Here are the answers to last week’s phrases: The programme begins – el programa comienza; He loses the magazine – Él pierde la revista; I prefer water – Prefiero agua; We convert the money to euros – Convertimos el dinero a euros; I close the door –

Cierro la puerta; I close the windows when it is cold – Cierro las ventanas cuando hace frio; I don´t understand – No entiendo; The film begins at eight o´clock – La pelicula comienza a las ocho; He regrets it a lot – Él lo siente mucho; They deny everything – Ellos niegan todo.

Hope you managed to get most of those right and can

see some useful words there; like all verbs some are more useful than others and you can choose at this stage which ones you want to concentrate on learning.

Becoming confident in Spanish is all about recognising words and how often they are used, so at first while you are still at a fairly basic stage you can pick which words you think you´ll need. Of course this will continue throughout the learning process as naturally some words are more commonly used than others.

What is most important once you have learnt the words is to put them into practice however you can, whether it be with another person or just walking around the house repeating phrases to yourself. The more you speak the quicker you will remember.

We are carrying on with stem-changing verbs this week as there is one more group we have yet to cover.

These are the changes E to I (except nosotros and vosotros). This type is only found in IR verbs.

Here are more E to I verbs: Bendecir – to bless, colegir – to deduce, competir – to compete, conseguir – to obtain/get, corregir – to correct, decir – to say/tell, despedir – to fire/say goodbye to, elegir – to choose/elect, freír – to fry, gemir – to groan/moan, impedir – to impede/hinder, maldecir – to curse, medir – to be

long/to measure, pedir – to ask for/request, reír – to laugh, servir – to serve So here are some examples followed by this week’s homework for you to translate: He asks for help – él pide ayuda; We request more money – Pedimos más dinero; You compete against him – Compites contra él; What are you asking for? ¿Qué pides?; She is five feet tall – Ella mide cinco pies.

I hope you have learnt a few more words there along with the new verbs, now it´s your turn to translate: We fry the potatoes; I compete; You correct the test; A teacher corrects a lot of tests; A lot of athletes compete in the Olympics; We elect the winner; She laughs a lot; He deduces the truth from the facts (the facts=los hechos); Who says this?

Have a great week - tengas una fantástica semana, hasta la próxima.

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Friday, August 17, 2012

WHY DO THEY DO THAT? Top dog psychologist PETER SINGH writes exclusively for The Courier. Check out www.thedogyouneed.com or email Peter at peter@thedogyouneed.com

THE PURRFECT LIFE A cat living happily with five dogs? Our Gizmo has it licked MY German Shepherd, Billy, lives with four other dogs (soon to be five, with the arrival of our rescued Spanish puppy in a few weeks) and three cats.

An unlikely friendship has blossomed since the last year’s arrival of our third cat in Spain. His name is Gizmo and we first set eyes on him when he was one week old. He and his brothers and sisters had been brought into a rescue centre where my wife and I were doing voluntary work - and four weeks later we brought him back to our Spanish home.

The rescue centre Gizmo was taken to is for dogs and this is where his love of canines started. When we first introduced him to our dogs, Billy took one look at him and has not stopped caring for him since. Within a few minutes Gizmo was the cleanest cat in Spain after getting a wash, courtesy of Billy, whose tongue was then bigger than this tiny fiveweek old kitten!

Billy has carried on this duty, twice each day, ever since.

Every morning and every evening he cleans his best mate, who purrs with delight each time.

Last year in Spain, Gizmo would go for a walk each day with the pack in the mountains and while we wait to get back to Spain, he thinks he can do the same here in London! This he can’t do. Most of the dogs where we live do not like cats and our dogs would protect Gizmo to the death if he was attacked.

The relationship he has with the dogs is truly amazing. He sleeps with the dogs, plays with them and eats with them.

Gizmo does go on a wander now and then, as do most

It’s the Billy and Gizmo show! cats, and a few months ago he came home and it was clear that he had been severely attacked by another cat.

Eventually he had to have his tail amputated, but that made no difference to him whatsoever. He just climbed out of his cat carrier after the operation, purring proudly and as happy as ever. Animals truly are an inspiration to us.

All of our dogs respect Gizmo and when he comes home after his travels, the whole pack are so happy to see him.

Dogs sometimes see cats as prey, which is because most cats move very slowly and then do the 100 metres quicker than Usain Bolt when they see a dog. This will always make

the dog want to chase. With Gizmo, he always stands his ground when he sees a dog and is only interested in meeting them, which they respect. Billy and Gizmo have a very special relationship, which proves how much animals really do care for each other.

The most charming thing about this unlikely pack we have developed over the years are the three most important requests they would always wish to be met.

They are, first of all, “Are we together? Secondly, “Are we safe? And finally, “Do we have enough food?’’ Thankfully my answers each day are yes, yes and yes again.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT?

Lilly

LILLY, a small terrier-type dog, was born in February 2011.

She is placid, very affectionate, good with other dogs and loves people. She would suit a home with a small garden.

Call K9 on 633 936 501. k9clubinfo@gmail.com www.k9club.es

Cappuccino

home in May but xxfamily breakdown saw her homeless and back at SAT yet again. She is a lively little girl who just wants to play and have fun. To help Cappuccino or Luna, call 966 710 047. info@satanimalrescue.com www.satanimalrescue.com

She is very friendly and house trained. A real little treasure who just wants to give and receive love. Call 659 274 573. www.petsinspain.com info@petsinspain.info

Luna

CAPPUCCINO, a sevenmonth male crossbreed was found scavenging by the bins. He’s a lovely little boy and deserves better.

Luna, an eight-month female Shih Tzu-type crossbreed found a new

Ginny GINNY is in desperate need of a new home. She is around three months old and good with other cats and dogs. Call 966 725 975.

Megan is about a year old and weighs only 4kilos.

Megan

Friday, August 17, 2012

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LÍNEA DIRECTA REPORTS ON THE NEW FRENCH LEGISLATION ON DRINK DRIVING From July 1st, all French drivers driving on roads in France must carry a breathalyser kit in their cars. The measure, announced by the previous government, was due to take effect four months ago, but the rush to buy the kits has led to supplies being sold out, which has led to a moratorium on the introduction of the devices.

According to the French authorities, the regulation, the first of its kind to be introduced in the European Union, will also affect foreign drivers who drive in France, although they will not be required to have the device installed in their vehicles until November. In addition, breathalysers will also be obligatory in all discotheques and bars which have a licence to open at night.

By implementing this law, the French government hopes to save 500 lives a year, due to the presence of alcohol being detected in almost a third of all fatal accidents occurring in France. In addition to this regulation, the French authorities have approved a packet of measures aimed at reducing the accident rate on roads, which include: • An increase on the road network in the number of fixed speed cameras to 2,500, which will not be signposted.

• The introduction of new generation mobile speed cameras, which allow a travelling police car to measure speed.

• All motorists must carry a high-visibility vest and a warning triangle.

Call Línea Directa: 902 123 104

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Friday, August 17, 2012

Where charity begins I WAS reading an article the other day about charity shops in the UK becoming the new shops to be buying from.

They are, according to this article, one of the few types of shops still making money in this time of recession and uncertainty.

Oxfam, for example, reported an all-time sales record of nearly £90million from its shops and websites over the past year. Of course Oxfam has 700 shops but it is still beating other well-known high street shops hands down as people search for a bargain.

I have helped out at the SAT charity shop in Almoradí, where the manageress, Julie, works many hours over the six each day that the shop is open. SATs has just moved premises to a larger shop, perfectly situated for the popular Saturday market and near a supermarket and the town square.

Although she has only been in the premises a short time, Julie is already noticing the difference a bigger shop is making. It is more roomy and her clothes are selling fast. She is of course looking for donations of clothes, bric a brac, furniture, shoes, all the usual things that are found in these shops.

There are a few charity shops in my town and also in nearby areas, Quesada seems to have a few now but they are nowhere

near as multiple as in the UK. Last time I was there I went to Chester which was full of charity shops. It was quite a culture shock to see so many.

I was at the big shopping centre in Elche recently and as always went into Primark, another shop that is doing well thanks to its ‘sell it cheap’ philosophy.

However, unlike in charity shops, the quality of clothes seems to be quite low and the prices seem to be rising. Of course the quality varies in a charity shop, where else can you find a Marks and Spencer top next to an H&M one? These are shops where designer names sit comfortably with cheap and cheerful brands.

I am not a slave to fashion labels but admit to a feeling of great satisfaction to find a beautiful Morgan top well within my price range, or a gorgeous pair of Zara shoes for

just a few euros.

There are cerI items tain would not buy hand, second underwear being one. But there are plenty of items that I will snap up, and part of the joy is rummaging through the rails to find that one special piece.

I am particularly fond of the children´s clothes. Anything of any quality is hugely costly; however in the charity shops I can find Next or Tesco clothes for a fraction of their original price. My boy is frequently kitted out in hardly-worn second-hand outfits. There was a time when I wouldn´t have had any clothes for him if it hadn’t been for friends’ donations. Now, although I could afford maybe one new top, I’d much rather buy him several second-hand ones that he’ll soon grow out of and I’m not worried if he gets one top or pair of trousers dirty.

But where does the money go? There are stories of monies being pocketed by the fat

cats who profess to run them, according to the article the boss of Marks and Spencer has a pay package of £1.68million compared to the head of Oxfam, who pockets a still impressive, but a lot less, £105,943.

I am well aware that Julie does not get a wage from SATs and of course she only has volunteers working for her. The profits after bills are paid go to the causes they represent; after all, if you end up with 5€ profit at the end of the week, that is 5€ you would otherwise not have had.

However, I am sure the majority of charity shops earn a healthy profit for their respective charities, and I am always in awe of the people who give week after week, their most precious commodity, i.e. their time. I hope all bosses of charities appreciate the work that their devoted staff do.

The article I read also says that despite the double dip recession, people in the UK are still also donating huge amounts of goods to charity shops, which means one of the oldest types of recycling is still going strong in the UK. If the charity shops I go to around Almoradí are anything to go by, they are doing pretty well here in Spain, too.

Never be too proud to go to a charity shop; after all, you may just fall in love with the choice and the price.

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Friday, August 17, 2012

ALL SYSTEMS COE IN A NEW SPORTING ERA TWELVE years ago, I sat engrossed in a BBC newsroom watching another exciting Tim Henman drama at Wimbledon, with everybody moving away from their keyboards to catch the action on a bank of monitors.

The Sports Editor blurted to everybody at the changeover that there’s nothing like a top-class sports event to pull people together, and he was quite right.

London 2012 is the greatest example ever of this in the UK, more so than England’s World Cup win in 1966. And that’s even brought out some purrings of unity from the politicians.

The Labour leader, Ed Miliband, who’s been very much under the radar in the last three weeks, has come up with the very sensible idea that there should be an all-party consensus to create a ten-year strategy for British sport. I hope that at least on this, he’s listened to. The government, meantime, is to extend its funding for many organisations by an additional two years, which will take it through to the Rio games in 2016, and well past the next election. Just think of the political stink if the money tap had been turned off, so this decision was a big no-brainer.

David Cameron has become an instant clarion caller for compulsory team sports for all primary schoolchildren, though he’s not thought this through at all. Based on my school experiences, team sports are not suitable for all kids, and other ideas should have been mentioned, like athletics or swimming. It was some instant grandstanding from Mr Cameron, though I suspect most of us THE Robin Hood mayor who led hundreds of workers to steal food from supermarkets to feed the poor has ignored an arrest warrant and refused to appear in court.

Juan Manuel Sanchez Gordillo, mayor of the Communist town of Marinaleda in Sevilla, says that government minister Jorge Fernandez Diaz, who issued the warrant ‘is futile and does not know the laws’.

Gordillo, leader of the United

would agree with him that British youngsters need to have much more sport in their lives, something politicians have severely reduced over the last 40 years.

And it looks like Lord Coe isn’t going anywhere as the government has put him in charge of maintaining the legacy of London 2012. It’s somewhat ironic that had Coe not lost the Tory seat of Falmouth and Camborne in the 1997 General Election, he just might not have had the time on his hands to help in the London bid, so we should be eternally grateful for Tony Blair’s landslide victory!

It’s strange how things work out, and I wonder if Lord Coe would have preferred to have continued hosting Saturday morning constituency sur-

geries with Cornish ladies complaining about rubbish bins as opposed to master-minding the best thing Britain has seen since Winston Churchill lit a cigar and stuck two fingers up in the air.

If you thought about returning to the UK to cool off for the next few days, then this might not be a bad time, as the politicians have come our way.

David Cameron has taken his family to a Spanish seaside villa, though at the time of writing we know little more than that, as Downing Street has refused to reveal all, in the fear that the PM would be stalked by stacks of continental photographers. What a load of rubbish!

Why not just say that Mr.Cameron wants a bit of privacy on his holiday, which sounds fair enough to me, rather the fantasy of camera clickers appearing everywhere. Anyway, if you’ve seen security men swarming around La Zenia, then you know what’s going on! Meanwhile, Nick Clegg and his Spanish wife, Miriam, have jetted off to her birthplace of Olmedo, north of Madrid, but Ed Miliband has gone Greek, staying on one of the islands with his family.

Some of the UK press has taken a pop at the politicians going abroad on holiday, but what’s wrong with that?

Contrary to popular belief, they are actually human beings, and they’re only doing what a lot of Brits do by going to popular European destinations. It’s all very different from the days of the Blairs lauding it with the rich and famous all around the world, with the public purse having to foot the security bills. And if you live in the UK, you can also sleep easier with the knowledge that William Hague is the “go to man”, as opposed to the old nervous days of John Prescott having his hand on the tiller.

By the way, Theresa May takes over from Hague next week, which suggests a rather large slap on the face for one George Osborne. That’s unless he’s knocking back the odd ouzo or two with the Rothschilds on their yacht and estate in Corfu!

The defiant outlaw Left party (IU), said that because of his seat in regional government, he is not required to testify unless summoned by the Supreme Court of Justice.

The left-wing mayor said: “Diaz should learn the law and learn to respect the Statute of Autonomy, which is being violated, because I

have not been called by The Supreme Court.”

Gordillo and other protesters have also taken over a farm near Osuna, demanding a more equal distribution of land in the Andalucia region.

The group, who had planted vegetables on the unused land,

were moved off the site by Guardia Civil last Friday.

So far five people have been arrested in relation to the food raids.

Mayor Gordillo: He refuses to go to court

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Friday, August 17, 2012

THE GREAT AND THE GRIM Lesley Banks with the dog that cost her her life

HAVE our athletes put the GREAT back in and others, and those who want to sponge on the rest, do as little as possible, and achieve nothing, not caring about the GREAT Britain? You bet they have, and some.

To climb to third position in the Olympic medal rankings behind only China and America is a fantastic achievement.

If I was told that GREAT Britain would achieve more medals than the likes of Canada, Australia, Germany and South Korea, I would have considered the prediction pie in the sky.

But they have done it, demonstrating that when GREAT Britain puts its mind to doing something, it does it, and does it in style. Just like the opening and closing ceremonies which have shown the rest of the world a thing or two.

And it's really worth considering that all this Olympic achievement has been a result of voluntary effort - athletes have not had cash bonuses to motivate them to achieve. And that's a very important message to send to our massively over-paid, greedy investment bankers. Our athletes have done a fantastic job for Britain - investment bankers have done their damnest to bankrupt the country.

Many have said the pride in GREAT Britain is something to be bottled, harnessed and nurtured to mend our broken economy and society. Something I wholeheartedly endorse.

But it's going to take an awful lot of bottled national pride to undo the decades of problems we have in the UK today, much of it caused by failed politicians, featherbedding the worst in society and failing to encourage the best.

An example was so apparent only last week, when at the same time the best of GREAT British athletes were doing so much for the country, police were investigating the appalling death of a 12-year-old girl, whose grandmother's boyfriend is currently in custody accused of her murder.

It demonstrates for us all that in Britain today we have a huge divide that goes far beyond money and possessions. It is a divide between those who are prepared to put themselves out to achieve something worthwhile for themselves

harm their lifestyle is doing for themselves or others.

Sadly the latter, the feral underclass, are being encouraged to breed even more thanks to Labour's benefits culture.

Perhaps, sadly, we still have some way to go before we can actually call ourselves Great Britain.

NEWS that Britain's "most wanted and needed" civil servants managed to notch up £1.15billion on credit cards paid for by taxpayers is an absolute disgrace.

At the time of the election David Cameron promised to cut down on civil servants' extravagances. Did he? Did he hell.

It's increased by another £150million since the he took office.

Not only that, but the government did their utmost to try to suppress disclosure of the figure - it was only made public by the Freedom of Information Act. Civil servants have been living it up on the public purse journalists call it junketing - for far too long. Wouldn't we all love to clock up the following and use a taxpayers credit card to pay the bill... £5,498 at the Westin Chosun Hotel in South Korea £2,433 for four iPads £2,285 to stay at the Sherlock Holmes Hotel, London £1,694 for a junket on the London Eye £1,129 at the Tribe Hotel in Nairobi £837 for a "specialist" chair £784 at the Odettes restaurant, London £777 at the Cinnamon Club Indian Restaurant £633 at the Kairaba Beach Hotel, Gambia.

Don't forget - these "elite" have generous salaries, ringfenced pensions, many other perks and are more than likely to be rewarded with an OBE or MBE at the end of living the good life. Life's tough sucking up to governments, isn't it!

Cameron now says the spending is a "hideous waste".

Let's hope that this time he actually does something about it,

q

rather than shedding loads of crocodile tears.

BRITAIN could, no doubt, do without some of the fat cat civil servants I have just written about. And there's no doubt it can do without some of the small army of MPs we are having to keep.

It's sad, therefore that Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has thrown the dummy out of his pram and said he will not support the Tories in electoral reform.

The plan was to reduce the number of MPs by about 20 (anything would be good) but to equalise the constituencies so that each MP represents a similar number of electors.

The present set-up favours Labour, because some Labour strongholds represent as few as 50,000 voters, while some Tory seats have populations of more than 100,000. Reform could have given the Tories the possibility of 20 to 25 more seats.

Nick Clegg is in a huff because the Tories failed to support reform of the Lords and did not actively support proportional representation.

You would have thought Tories would have been a bit more astute and gone along with the Lib Dems just to get the electoral reform proposals through the House. Obviously some of them are so thick they can't see further than the end of their noses. It will cost them at the next election.

q

q

Golden boy...

Andy Murray

SADDEST story of the week must be that of 53-yearold Lesley Banks, who was so totally besotted with her Rottweiler that when it bit her she treated the wound herself because she feared that if she received treatment the dog would be put down.

Instead, she treated the wound on her hand with antiseptic wipes and bleach. But she developed blood poisoning, which killed her.

So often we hear of people putting themselves at grave risk to rescue their pets - it seems that all common sense flies out of the window. I simply cannot understand people who become so besotted with their pets that they value them above contact with a fellow human.

We have a dog and a cat and, obviously, protect them as much as we can. But I haven't lost touch with the fact they are animals and not human beings.

And when a dog reverts to its animal instincts and attacks and bites its owner or someone else, then emotion should end and common sense should take over.

Friday, August 17, 2012

SEARED CAJUN-STYLE PORK WITH COCONUT RICE AND BEANS Mid-week cooking fast and simple - a perfect shortcut supper.

Ingredients

1. 250g British outdoorreared pork fillet 2. 1 tbsp Cajun seasoning 3. 1 tbsp rapeseed oil 4. 100g basmati rice 5. 160ml tin coconut milk 6. ½ x 400g tin black beans, drained and rinsed 7. 3 spring onions, finely sliced 8. Handful of fresh coriander, coarsely chopped

17

Shortcut suppers Method

Preheat the oven to 180°C/fan160°C/gas 4. Pat the pork fillet dry using kitchen paper. Sprinkle the Cajun spice on a large plate with a pinch of salt and pepper, then roll the pork in the spice until completely covered. Heat the oil in a nonstick, ovenproof frying pan over a high heat. When really hot, sear the pork on all sides for 5 minutes until golden brown, then transfer to the oven to cook for 10-15 minutes or until cooked through. Remove, cover with foil and rest for 5 minutes. Meanwhile, cook the rice according to the packet instructions, then drain (if necessary) and stir through the coconut milk and rinsed beans, along with most of the spring onions and chopped coriander. Cut the pork into thick slices, then serve with the rice and beans, garnished with the remaining spring onions and coriander.

SPICED FISH FINGER SANDWICH FREEZE …the finished, cooled fish fingers. Put in an airtight container between layers of baking paper. Seal and store in the freezer for up to 1 month. Reheat in a hot oven for 15 minutes.

Ingredients

1. 325g pack skinless and boneless sustainable haddock fillets 2. 6 slices of fresh white bread 3. 1 tbsp hot chilli powder 4. 1 large free-range egg 5. 2 tbsp plain flour, seasoned well with salt and pepper 6. 3 tbsp rapeseed oil 7. Zest and juice of ½ lemon

Continued on p18

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Friday, August 17, 2012

Shortcut suppers From p17 8. 150g pot Sainsbury’s Indian Coriander & Mint Raita, or similar 9. 1 little gem lettuce, leaves separated

Method

Slice the haddock into 8 good-size fingers and set aside.

Remove the crusts from 2 of the slices of bread, then whizz the bread in a food processor to make fine breadcrumbs.

Transfer to a shallow bowl, then mix in the chilli powder and some seasoning. Beat the egg in a separate bowl and put the seasoned flour in a third bowl. Dip each fish finger into the flour, shaking off any excess, then dip them into the egg and finally into the spiced breadcrumbs, making sure they have a good, even coating. Set aside. Heat the oil in a large non-stick frying pan and, in batches if necessary, shallow-fry the breaded fingers for 5 minutes, turning, until crisp all over and just cooked. Meanwhile, stir the lemon zest and a squeeze of the juice through the raita, then spread over 2 of the slices of bread. Add a layer of little gem leaves, then top with 4 of the fried fish fingers per sandwich and a grinding of black pepper. Finish off with the remaining slices of bread.

SMOKED CHICKEN AND BARLEY SALAD WITH CHORIZO AND FETA This makes quite a lot so use any leftovers for lunch the next day.

Ingredients

1. 120g pearl barley 2. 60g Waitrose Cooks’ Ingredients Diced Chorizo, or similar 3. 2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil 4. 1 tbsp red wine vinegar

5. 250g pack Waitrose ready-to-steam Asparagus & Green Vegetables, or similar 6. 150g pack diced feta with herbs 7. Large bunch of fresh flatleaf parsley, finely chopped 8. 155g pack Rannoch Smoked Chicken, or similar, sliced

Method

Cook the pearl barley according to the packet instructions. Meanwhile, heat a non-stick frying pan over a medium heat and fry the chorizo until crisp, then remove with a slotted spoon and set aside. Make the dressing by whisking the extra-virgin olive oil with the red wine vinegar and a pinch of salt and pepper.

Once the barley is cooked, transfer to a serving bowl, toss with the dressing and the fried chorizo, then set aside. Cook the asparagus and vegetable mix in a microwave according to the packet instructions, then stir through the barley along with the feta, parsley and sliced smoked chicken. Season to taste, then serve.

LINGUINE CARBONARA WITH COURGETTE RIBBONS Ingredients 1. 1 tbsp olive oil

2. 180g pack Tesco Finest Oak Smoked Lardons, or similar 3. 1 onion, finely diced 4. 1 garlic clove, crushed 5. 150g baby courgettes, sliced lengthways into thin ribbons 6. Iced water 7. 300g packet Tesco Free Range Egg Linguine, or similar 8. 100ml crème fraîche 9. 1 medium free-range egg 10. 30g parmesan, finely grated, plus extra to serve

Method

Heat the oil in a non-stick frying pan over a medium heat, then add the lardons and cook for 2 minutes, stirring, until beginning to crisp.

Reduce the heat a little, then add the onion. Continue to cook in the bacon fat for 5 minutes, then add the garlic.

Stir for 30 seconds, then remove from the heat and set aside. Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil, add the courgette ribbons, simmer for 30 seconds, then remove with a slotted spoon and plunge into iced water to refresh. Drain and set aside. Bring the pan of water back up to the boil, add the fresh linguine and cook for 2 minutes. Meanwhile whisk together the crème fraîche, egg and cheese, then season well. Once the pasta has cooked, drain well, then tip back into the hot pan. Quickly stir the crème fraîche mixture through the hot pasta, followed by the bacon and onion and the courgettes. Toss well, then serve with lots of black pepper and another scattering of parmesan.

Friday, August 17, 2012

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Friday, August 17, 2012

SCULPTRA - The Facelift in a Bottle Would you like to improve the lines and wrinkles in your lower face?

Would you like to look fresher, more hydrated and feel more confident?

Have you thought about having a facelift but don’t want surgery?

If you have said yes to any of these questions then here at Medaesthetics we may have the answer you have been waiting for.

Scupltra can do all of the above with a course of small treatments of a collagen boosting product that has been used for over 15 years by our experienced staff.

As we age the collagen in our skin begins to break down and become disconnected to itself and this is what causes lines and wrinkles. Sculptra( known technically as poly-L-lactic acid) gives our own collagen a kick start and over a few weeks can regenerate in a way that no other product can. Sculptra is suitEver wondered how vegetarians obtain their protein sources without consuming meat? Find out how, right here.

There are three major classifications of vegetarians: Vegans, who are the strictest types of eaters and only eat plant sources.

Lacto-vegetarians do not eat meat, but consume dairy products, and lacto-ovovegetarians who eat both dairy and eggs, but will still not eat meat products.

Because vegetarians do not eat animal

able for all ages and skin types and results can been seen after only a few weeks.

Maintenance is quick and simple with booster treatments required only every

couple of years.

Before you can have a treatment we must take a medical history and check your general health, if everything is satisfactory then treatment can commence.

We always tell clients that Sculptra isn’t a quick fix as you must come for up to four treatments, neither do we promise miracles, well only small ones.

To look and feel years younger call us today for your free consultation and an opportunity to ask our experienced staff about all aspects of treatment with Sculptra and other facial fillers.

You might also like to visit www.sculptra.com Where you can view before and after photographs and watch a diagram showing exactly how Sculptra can give you the rejuvenisation you have dreamed about.

protein sources from vegetable sources.

Meat, shellfish, eggs and milk are all complete proteins, meaning that they have enough essential amino acids to make proteins in the human body (cells, muscle) The vegetable substance soy is also classified as a complete protein, and it is this protein

that allows vegetarians to obtain most of their amino acids.

Proteins are also found in fruits and grains, however, these numbers are relatively small, and these types of foods are known to not have all the essential amino acids. They are therefore known as incomplete proteins, and in this case vegetarians would need to supplement their meals in order to obtain all the essential amino acids.

Vegetarians and Protein

products, many question whether or not these types of eaters are getting in enough protein. After all, protein generally comes from animal products, right?

Wrong.

While animal proteins are the most complete proteins, vegetarians can get their

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Friday, August 17, 2012

When sex is a headache Q

MY doctor recently prescribed Viagra for erectile problems, and even though it has helped, I also get headaches a few hours after taking it, and these seem to be lasting longer. Are there natural remedies for erectile dysfunction?

number causing infections and boils. A healthy diet is vital for an effective immune system. Several nutrients described as essential are necessary for a strong immunity. These nutrients are essential because the body relies on our diet as the only source for them, and this is why a poor diet can easily lower immune function. Vitamins A and C are known to be very effective in treating boils. Other hygienic steps you can take to reduce the risk of spreading the infection to other parts of your skin or into the blood are to avoid squeezing the boil, keep your skin clean at all times, wash your hands before and after touching the boils, and avoid using cosmetic products on the skin.

A

THERE are a number of plants that have a long history of traditional use, and have been shown through clinical studies and research to be safe and effective for treating erectile problems. Maca root has been used by the Peruvian people for centuries as an aphrodisiac and for increasing energy levels and stamina. It is rich in amino acids, minerals, essential fatty acids and chemical alkaloids, all of which play a significant role in maintaining normal sexual health. The Damiana plant, native to the Americas and well known to the Mayan Indians and native people of Mexico, is used to treat sexual disorders in men and women.

It increases blood supply to the sexual organs and is particularly useful in treating anxiety, nervousness and mild depression especially if these symptoms have a sexual component. Muira Puama, also known as ‘potency wood’, is a tree native to the Brazilian Amazon, and its roots and barks have been traditionally used especially to increase libido or sexual drive. These herbs are now available as supplements and you can find out more from the website: www.medb.es

Q

RECENTLY I noticed some boils around my upper arm and thighs and visited my doctor. After some blood tests and swab tests, she told me that I had a staph infection and put me on antibiotics for a week. I have just finished the antibiotics but the boils are still there.

I have another appointment soon, but wonder if you can help me.

A

A COMMON cause of persistent boils is a decrease in the immune function of the body. Bacteria such as Staphylococcus aureus are a normal part of the skin and body cavities such as the nose. However, when the immune system becomes compromised, such organisms quickly increase in

Q

guish between progressive and non-progressive breast cancers, leading to a diagnosis of breast cancer that would not have caused symptoms or death. Another study by Southampton University found that the negative outcomes of breast screening due to misdiagnosis and over-treatment of harmless lumps cancel out up to half of the benefits.

Nevertheless, the best available evidence shows that mammograms save lives by detecting cancers earlier than they would otherwise have been. Fortunately there is a safer and possibly more accurate breast screening alternative known as Thermography. This method creates a digital map of the heat patterns of the body which are then analysed for abnormalities.

Thermography may not be commonly available at the hospitals.

I HAVE been screening my breasts for cancer for the past 10 years ARE there special vitamins or minerwithout problems, but I read a disturbing als that help keep the eyes healthy? article suggesting that breast screening THERE are a number of nutrients-vitawith X-rays can actually cause breast mins, minerals and proteins that are cancer. I would like to know if this is true, essential for maintaining normal vision and and if so are there any other breast protecting the eyes from radiation. More than screening methods? any other tissue in the body, the eyes are I AM aware of a number of recent stud- continually exposed to intense light radiation ies showing that mammograms may and oxygen, which produces dangerous free be contributing to a significant over-diagno- radicals that can cause degeneration and sis of cancer that otherwise would have cataracts if left uncontrolled. remained harmless. A study by the Harvard Lutein is a vitamin-like substance that is school of public health showed that breast known to concentrate on the light sensitive screening with mammograms may not be cells of the eye. It is a powerful antioxidant appropriate because they cannot distin- useful for mopping up dangerous free radicals and found in leafy vegetables such as broccoli. It is especially useful for counteracting the damage to the eyes caused by normal aging processes. Vitamins C and E are also powerful antioximinerals concentrated in the the levels of the active thyroid dants, particularly useful for thyroid, and play a vital role hormone, T3. The herb protecting the delicate lens of for its normal function. Coleus is specifically able to the eye.

Zinc and selenium are an Selenium is an antioxidant, mimic the effect of TSH, playprotecting the thyroid from ing an important role in regu- essential part of the many toxins, and also essential for lating iodine and producing chemical reactions involved converting T4-the non-active thyroid hormones. in light reactions that occur in Hops and Brahmi also have the eye. Taurine is an amino form of thyroid hormone, into T3 - the active form of thyroid thyroid regulating functions. acid that regulates the flow of hormone. Manganese is also Brahmi has also been shown calcium in the eye, enabling essential, and a lack of it has to improve memory and infor- the maintenance of a normal been clearly associated with a mation processing. To find out eye pressure. These nutrimore about these herbs or ents are also available as decrease in thyroid function.

Hypothyroidism has been natural thyroid formulations, supplements and to find out traditionally treated using a visit: www.medb.es or email more please visit; synthetic form of thyroxine; contact@medb.es. www.medb.es. however this can also cause the over stimulation of the thyroid gland, leading to hyperthyroidism. This is why a natural thyroid support therapy may be a safer alternative.

Clinical studies and research now recognise the healing properties of certain herbs and weeds that have similar properties and perform the same function as thyroid hormones. This is especially true when these herbs are combined in a synergistic formula.

Sea Kelp and Bladderwrack have been known throughout history as good sources of iodine.

Rosemary and Sage are important sources of the antioxidant Carnosic acid, a vital ingredient known to raise

Q A

A

Thyroid support the natural way

THE thyroid gland is a small butterfly-shaped organ located just below the Adam’s apple. It produces the hormones triiodothyronine (T3) and thyroxine (T4) which are required for the normal functioning of all the cells of the body, playing a critical role in maintaining quality of life and decreasing the risk of diseases.

The influence of these hormones starts before we are born and continues throughout life especially during the growth and developmental stages of the body. In fact failure of the thyroid gland during pregnancy, from birth or an early age, leads to problems with growth and mental development. In adults, women in particular are affected especially during menopause

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINIC when there is a decrease in the amount of thyroid hormone produced. This is known as hypothyroidism, in contrast to hyperthyroidism which occurs when the thyroid produces excessive amounts of hormones causing symptoms such as weight loss, increased sweating, nervousness, hair loss, and high blood pressure.

Hypothyroidism, which occurs when minimal thyroid hormones are produced, slows down many bodily functions and when left untreated can cause elevated cholesterol levels, heart disease, muscle weakness, osteoporosis and infertility.

Even when the levels of thyroid hormones are normal,

the thyroid function may be lowered leading to problems such as weight gain, fatigue, cold intolerance and depression. Other serious problems also occur when the thyroid gland does not function optimally. This suboptimal dysfunction of the gland is very common and has been associated with the increased frequency of heart failure, coronary heart disease, dementia, insulin resistance diabetes, and increased risk of breast cancer. It occurs when there are low levels of Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) – a hormone produced in the brain which tells the thyroid how much to make.

Normal thyroid functioning is weakened by stress due to infections, toxins from the environment and poor nutrition. Iodine and Selenium are

22

Friday, August 17, 2012

Friday, August 17, 2012

23

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain seven years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: James was receiving annoying messages from ADVICE: Mary was having some issues with Skype AVG on his new computer.

I have recently purchased a new HP computer tower which has 500 GB capacity and 2 GB RAM and has AVG 2012 installed. If I have a number of website pages open or use Facebook a warning comes up from AVG advising that I have “High Memory Usage” and suggests I close down the pages I have open to improve performance. The figure quoted for the memory being used is usually around 250/260 MB. Is there anything I can do to improve matters?

Q

Hi James, your system is not poorly spec’ed so you shouldn’t be receiving these messages from AVG, however even they confirm that this is an issue with their software reporting useless information from time to time. If you don’t want to see these messages you can disable the performance notifications from within AVG by doing the following…

A

Open the AVG User Interface Click Tools Click Advance Settings Click Appearance and uncheck “Display AVG advisor performance notifications”

I have recently installed Skype to be able to communicate with our grandchildren in the UK. After a few minutes use the picture and speech starts to stutter and then the picture freezes. At this point a warning comes up that “the connection speed is to slow – shut down video”. Our children in the UK have ADSL speeds of 6 GB and 10 GB respectively whilst I have an ADSL speed of 2 GB which has been verified with a speed test. My current ADSL supplier has an alternative speed at extra cost of 4 GB. How can I improve matters?

Q

Hi Mary, the figures that you have provided separately should be fine for using Skype with, your slowest speed is an upload speed of 400kbps which should be more than ok, I would check that both you and your daughter’s computers are using the same, latest version of Skype as this can sometimes have a positive effect on Skype’s performance, failing that we would need to look at the performance of your Internet connection whilst you are in a Skype call.

A

ADVICE: Bill was having problems with the font size withADVICE: Lynn wanted to know how to turn off the Junk in his Gmail account.

Mail processing in Thunderbird Hello, my name is Bill and I called this afternoon with reference the font size on my

Q A

Hi Richard, I have just set up a new email account in Thunderbird and very frustratingly all of my emails are going into the Junk Email folder is there any way that I can turn off this not very helpful function?

Hi Lynn, yes there is, you should do the following…

1. Launch Thunderbird 2. Click Tools then Account Settings 3. Click the email account in question 4. Click Junk Settings and Uncheck the box

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Q A

Gmail account. One day it was fine and the next it became very small. I have no idea how to put it right. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

As I am 74 my eyesight is not as it was so I have difficulty in seeing what I am doing ! Many Regards, Bill Hi Bill, I suspect that the problem is not actually with the font size set on your Gmail account, but more the zoom control for your web browser.

If I am correct then when you go onto the Internet, all text will be small, not just that within your Gmail account, in which case you should look at what is set in both the “Zoom” and “Text Size” settings within your browser, to do this in Internet Explorer for example press CTRL + 0 to set the zoom back to 100%. If this doesn’t fix the problem then click view, text size and set it to the default which is medium.

One of those two solutions should fix the problem, if not then please come back to me and we can work through what is the issue.

Update. Hi Richard thanks for the E-mail. Unfortunately I use Mozilla Firefox so the instructions don’t apply do they ? I did try as you said but no luck I am afraid. Are there things that can be done for Firefox? Regards, Bill A. Hi Bill, yes in Firefox you can use the keyboard shortcuts of…

CTRL + to zoom in and increase the size CTRL – to zoom out and decrease the size Or CTRL 0 to set the size back to the default In order to do this properly you press and hold the CTRL key and then press the other key, plus (+) or minus (–) or the number zero (0) once. Hope this helps.

Update. Hi Richard, thank you sooo much! At last I can read my E mails again.

Regards Bill

24

Friday, August 17, 2012

UK HEADLINES

THE TRASH STREET KIDS The Sun A JOBLESS refugee living on benefits in a posh £1.25million townhouse is facing eviction after accusations her huge family have “trashed” it.

Manal Mahmoud and her seven kids were moved into the three-bedroom pad in a sought-after West London street after it was given a £76,000 facelift.

Neighbours have branded them “the family from hell” and their behaviour has sparked scores of complaints to the police and council.

Owner Sue Cummings was said to be horrified when she inspected the house.

One source told how she found doors missing or hanging off, walls scribbled on, Victorian tiling on the driveway smashed, wallpaper peeling and the carpet threadbare.

Litter and rusty motorbike parts are strewn across the overgrown lawns — and a sofa and chair have been dumped in the front garden.

Ms Cummings said: “I’m so upset that I can’t talk about it.”

The home in Fulham was fitted with a new kitchen and roof, and the interior was totally redecorated before Mahmoud moved in three years ago. Taxpayers footed half the refit bill.

She has five daughters aged five, six, eight, nine and ten, and sons aged 17 and 19. They all live at home apart from eldest son Ossama — who is in jail in Norwich for drug dealing. One son drives a BMW that he parks in a disabled bay outside the front door.

Mahmoud, in her late 40s, has not worked since moving to the UK in 2000 to flee fighting in Palestine.

She said: “I deserve to live in a nice house and get benefits.

In this country, it is our right to live here.’’

Hammersmith and Fulham Council confirmed it may fight to evict the family at a court hearing this week.

One of Mahmoud’s sons expresses his culture

Making a Bolt for it - tax sees Usain quit UK Daily Express USAIN Bolt has stated that he will not be returning to race in the UK until the country changes its tax laws.

The comments by the Jamaican sprinter refer to a law that sees him taxed on global sponsorship and endorsement earnings as well as any appearance fee – levied at the 50pc higher earning rate when he competes in Britain.

The 25 year-old, who won three gold medals at the London games said: “As soon

What a score! Rival fan gets Cole’s medal

FOOTIE star Ashley Cole handed over his Community Shield runners-up medal to a shocked young fan supporting victorious rivals Manchester City.

The Chelsea defender spotted Bailey McColgan, seven, kitted out in his City shirt, as he walked past opposition fans after his side’s 3-2 defeat at Villa Park on Sunday.

And to the lad’s astonishment, Cole, 31, went up to him and handed him the medal saying: “That’s for you!”

His dad James, 46, went to accept it on his son’s behalf - but Cole insisted on handing it to delighted Bailey.

The youngster, from Wythenshawe, Manchester, will now not let the medal mes and the Internet. g TV, computer ga nin run stge lon 's Express, weekly UK ily Da the out of his sight - even taking the of to ure ng fut rdi E co TH Ac fallen to e Dandy, is in jeopit to bed with him. veteran comic have the of es children's comic, Th sal ve re than two millation numbers ha mo cu m cir fro g wn lin do fal – Smiling broadly, he said as 00 y 8,0 ard just s review. peak in the 1950s. its g that Cole’s shock gesture rin du prompted a publisher’ n lio the past five other much-loved had topped off his day. ies of relaunches in Desperate Dan and ser A n, to ma 0 na na 201 luding Ba a move in classic characters inc He said: “I just held out years – most recently ed comic strips – les and Dimples and em dd -th Cu t, rity Ca eb cel the e uc rky Ko rod my hand and he gave it to int ing e. be er clin aft de danger circulation Beryl the Peril are in me. It made me feel really have failed to halt its of era l ita dig the h unable to compete wit happy. I think he must be a

y d n a D g in k o lo t o n re tu fu Comic’s

nice person because he gave me his medal.”

And Bailey - who has already been offered £500 for the medal - has written to the England player to say ‘thank you’.

His mum Karla Barlow, 31, said: “Apparently these medals would go for quite a lot of money but Bailey said he wouldn’t sell it for a million pounds.”

as the law changes I’ll be here all the time. I love being here, I have so many Jamaican fans here and it’s wonderful.”

Glyn Bunting, a partner at Deloitte, said Bolt was invited to an athletics event with a £100,000 fee, but his management worked out that by the time they had allocated his sponsorship and endorsement income to the UK, “his tax liability in the UK would exceed his appearance fee”.

This is not the first time Bolt has made his feelings on the UK’s tax laws clear, with the world’s fastest man pulling out of the 2010 Aviva London Grand Prix.

Bolt only agreed to run in London after HMRC announced a tax amnesty for competitors during the Olympics.

Friday, August 17, 2012

UK HEADLINES

PIZZA TOPS LOTTO WIN THE couple who scooped the UK’s second biggest lottery jackpot celebrated their win – by having DOMINO’S PIZZA for dinner.

Second-hand record dealer Adrian Bayford, 41, and his nurse wife Gillian, 40, won a mind-blowing £148.6million in Friday’s draw.

But they plumped for a simple takeaway to celebrate after their six-year-old daughter Amy asked if they had enough money to have pizza for tea.

Gillian, who wants to celebrate her new wealth by sky-diving, said they wanted to donate cash to children’s charities and share the money with friends and family.

She added: “Neither of us can quite comprehend just how much £148million is!

“This money has come at the right time for us and is going to benefit the whole family.

“It’s such a large amount.

It’s something to share with other people such as friends and family, people who have supported us and been by us.”

Adrian and Gillian, who is originally from Dundee, live with their two children, Amy and four-year-old Cameron, in AN EastEnders star walked out of court a a detached £200,000 four free man after he was cleared of an assault that left a clubber with a shattered jaw. bedroom house.

Tony Discipline, 23 (pictured), who plays The couple revealed they will spend the money on their Tyler Moon in the BBC show, hit 21-yearold Hayden Deol so dream home while Gillian has hard he needed two her eyes set on an Audi Q7. titanium plates fitted Adrian wants to visit the in his mouth after an Canadian Rockies by train incident at Merah in while the kids want to go to London’s Belgravia.

Disney World.

Deol said he was The pair said they had been punched after he and “like ships in the night” while his cousin Sab Deol, she worked nights on the chilalso 21, made a joke dren’s ward at Addenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge and about the actor’s clothing, but Discipline Adrian worked days at his claimed he had acted in self-defence.

He was also said to have assaulted Sab shop in Haverhill, Suffolk.

Soap star over the Moon at acquittal Daily Mail Deol. Prosecutors alleged Discipline had lashed out after Sab Deol poked fun at his t-shirt saying “Don’t you wear that t-shirt to work?”

He had been partying with fellow EastEnders actors Bunmi Mojekwu, who played Mercy Olubunmi, and Shona McGarty, who plays Whitney Dean.

On Tuesday at Southwark Crown Court Judge Geoffrey Pegden QC halted the case midway on legal grounds and recorded verdicts of not guilty against the star.

He said that the version of events given by both Hayden and Sab Deol were so “markedly different” it would be “unsafe” to continue.

TIA SHARP'S suspected murderer is being kept under 24-hour watch after prisoners have threatened to kill him, it is being claimed.

Stuart Hazell, the 12year-old’s step-grandfather is in isolation at Belmarsh Prison, in Woolwich, where some of the UK's most dangerous criminals are kept.

The Sun reported that the 37-year-old is being

25

Lags target Tia accused kept on a secure wing alongside paedophiles and rapists - and that inmates are screaming death threats and calling his name from their cells. He appeared at the Old Bailey on Wednesday and is due to face trial next January.

26

Friday, August 17, 2012

MONDAY TO FRIDAY PROGRAMMING ON TKO FM 0800 - 1100 MORNINGS ARE FUN with ANDY JAMES

1100 - 1400 AM to PM with DENNIS CHRISTIAN

The perfect way to get you through your busy morning, whether you are at work or play. A fantastic selection of sounds that will be guaranteed to get you singing out loud!

Mornings just wouldn't be the same without Andy starting your day!

Turn on the AC and relax while DC entertains you with his wit and chill's you out with classic and new tracks. DC brings you music tracks and quizzes that will over heat the brain so turn up the aircon, relax and enjoy!

1400 - 1700 AFTERNOON LOCK-IN with DAVY JONES Lock yourself into the sounds of Davy Jones as he cruises through every weekday afternoon.

Constant Total Knockout Hits and you can chat live with the chatterbox in the TKO Chat room or on Facebook.

1700 – 2000 THE ULTIMATE DRIVE TIME SHOW with RACHEL ANGUS Join the bubbly and vibrant Rachel Angus as she gets you home with The Ultimate Drive time show. Bringing you old classics and new choons. She´s guaranteed to cheer you up every weekday evening!

WEEKLY PROGRAMMING ON TKO GOLD 0800 - 1100 BREAKFAST with CHRIS ASHLEY

1400 - 1700 1100 - 1400 AFTERNOON GOLDEN LUNCH SELECTION with ALEX with PETER HURST TRELLINSKI

1700 - 2000 SUNDOWNERS with DAVE KNIGHTS

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

0900 - CHRIS ASHLEY 1200 - ALEX TRELLINSKI 1500 - RAI WOODS

0900 - DARREN JAMES 1200 - KEITH NICOLL 1500 - RAI WOODS

TKO FM - WEEKLY POWER PLAY Ronan Keating - Fires This is the latest single to be released by Irish singer-songwriter and Boyzone frontman Ronan Keating. It is being released on August 27th.

The singleis taken from the also titles album “Fires” and is due to be released on September 3, 2012. It is his ninth overall album and his fifth album to contain studio material. To promote the record, Keating embarked on a short promotional tour, which began on August 3, 2012, with the Summarfestivalur in The Faroe Islands, where he performed in front of 14,000 fans.

TKO GOLD TKO GOLD - FUTURE GOLD TRACK Sam Gray - This Girl Since the success of his Radio 2 play-listed debut single ‘Cartwheel Queen' in 2011, Sam Gray has travelled all over the UK supporting artists like Charlie Simpson, East 17, David Ford, Westlife and The King Blues.

The singer/songwriter then spent last October as a special guest on the soldout Overtones UK tour, playing at prestigious venues including the London Palladium. This new single is available on August 19th.

NIGHTSOUNDS Monday 20.00 - NEIL COUZENS MONDAY NIGHT PROJECT

Tuesday 20.00 - ANDY JAMES - OLD SCHOOL DISCO

Wednesday 20.00 - NICK PRICE – I LOVE THE 90s

Thursday 20.00 - PETER HURST – CLASSIC ROCK PLUS Thursday 22.00 - MATT GRAVELING – THE BEST OF BRITISH Friday 20.00 - JAMES BONE – THE FRIDAY NIGHT SHUFFLE

SATURDAY AND SUNDAY 0900 1200 1500 1800

NEIL COUZENS NICK PRICE PAUL CULLEN NON-STOP TKO FM SOUNDS

All you have to do is take the first letter from each answer to find the name of a band or artist.

1. Cliff Richard’s first record label.

2. From Manchester this group were originally called the Deltas.

3. Home American state for the Osmonds.

4. Lloyd Cole’s group.

5. Gene Simmons is the lead singer with these rockers.

6. Hank Marvin’s real first name.

7. Don Henley was the drummer with this outfit.

8. Who had the final Xmas number one of the 60s.

9. A Top 10 UK hit in 1957...29 years later it hit the number one spot.

10. First UK hit for Wham.

Listen to Chris Ashley, Saturdays, 9am - 12pm and see if you can win a meal for two and a bottle of wine at Quesada Fish & Chips

2 OUT OF 3 LISTENERS CHOOSE TKO

27

Friday, August 17, 2012

Cinder search over as Blanca fits the slipper

Fairy Godmother Yvonne West with Blanca

AFTER an extensive search of the Costa Blanca, Stagestruck! has found just the girl to fit its glass slipper.

Blanca Sierra has won the role of Cinderella in the group’s upcoming production, Happily Ever After?

No stranger to the boards, Blanca, 48, has been performing since she was a child, catching the showbiz bug while still at school.

At 18, she starred in Brecht’s Threepenny Opera, taking the role of Polly Peachum in a production by the Deutsche Bühne in Bogotá, Colombia. Three years later while at Calderdale College in her native Halifax, West Yorkshire she starred in Carousel as Julie Jordan.

Roll on 27 years and she is a perfect Cinderella for the Panto Group.

Blanca was born in Halifax but has also lived in Colombia , Germany and for the past three years just north of Torrevieja. She loves life here and when not in rehearsals works as a language tutor, interpreter and spiritual healer.

You can see Blanca in adult panto Happily Ever After? in November and December at The Cardinal Belluga Theatre in San Fulgencio. Call Stella on 966 786 154 to reserve tickets.

Cinderella’s ready to have a Ball!

CIVIL RECEPTION Spanish war kids revisited

SEVENTY-FIVE years ago, 23 children fleeing the Spanish Civil War found refuge in Carshalton, South London.

At the request of local Spanish families, HELP Murcia Mar Menor staged games and races for children on the beach at Los Urrutias on Tuesday evening. The kids queued up to win a prize in the sack race, the tin can alley, hook a Duck and many other games.

HELP Murcia Mar Menor is holding a Late Summer Fayre on Thursday September 6 at The Arches, Los Alcazares from 1pm.

To commemorate the anniversary of their arrival, an online photo exhibition of the children who sat out the Civil War in the borough of Sutton has been launched.

The youngsters fled the Basque town of Bilbao following the bloody bombing of nearby Guernica, considered to be the first air raid carried out on a civilian population.

The children were among some 4,000 who escaped to Britain from the Basque

Escaping the bloodshed: Basque children sit out the Civil War at Stoneham Camp region on a ship designed for just 800.

Most locals welcomed the young Basque refugees, although one Surrey County Councillor thought they should be put into camps.

The children helped raise money to feed and clothe themselves with concerts and displays of traditional dancing.

By the start of World War Two, most of the evacuees had returned to Spain, but some remained and 10 years after they first arrived the Carshalton refugees were the last remaining Basque colony in the country.

Councillor Simon Wales from the London Borough of Sutton said: “The story of

the Basque refugees in Carshalton is a fascinating and little known one.

“As the Spanish Civil War begins to slip out of living memory, it’s important to commemorate the lives of the evacuees and their unique link with the people of Sutton.”

To view the gallery visit http://tinyurl.com/ce93ufu

Roll up for a bumper family fun day!

VIVA La Vida in C.C. La Fuente, Campoamor is the place to be this weekend for family fun for everyone!

On Saturday, the top floor of the La Fuente Commercial Centre will be transformed as it hosts a charity fun day for Paul Cunningham Nurses.

The events start at midday with cup cake decorating for the youngsters followed by live music from 1pm with Nick Barker.

Showtime members Paul Christie, Geoff Watts and Matt Christian, along with DJ Snoopy are donating their time free of charge to help raise money for this special charity that provides end of life home care for the terminally ill.

As a family fun day there is plenty to keep the little ones entertained throughout the day while you relax in the sunshine, with a bouncy castle, candy floss

and popcorn machines, face painting and balloon modelling.

There is also a fancy dress competition for those under 11 and prizes for best dressed boy and best dressed girl with judging taking place at 4pm.

The event has been organised largely

by Gill and Tyna who are part of Showtime - a series of dinner dances and entertainment that has specially been put together for Paul Cunningham

Nurses to help raise funds whilst also offering a great night.

The nights are happening across the Costa Blanca throughout September and October with tickets now on sale at the Paul Cunningham Nurses Charity shops or by calling 682 707 894 or 634 379 354.

For more information on the fun day call Gill on 619 662 978.

28

Friday, August 17, 2012

SPANISH NEWS

TERROR OF ROGUE FIREWORK Panic-stricken spectators ran to escape exploding fireworks and a rain of burning materials.

A worker involved in mounting the display suffered the worst injuries.

The accident happened moments before Albarranch Vicente the midnight culmination of the Nit de l’Albà Guilabert, 56, received 60 per (the Night of Daybreak) display when thou- cent first, second and third Panic as fireworks sands of fireworks set up for the finale mis- degree burns. spray the ground “serious a in remains He fired directly into the crowd. stable” but condition in the specialist fireworks that should have The fall in injuries was burns unit at Valencia’s La Fe launched skyward to be fired attributed in part to fewer Hospital, having undergone directly at people below. fireworks being sold to indiat surgery emergency Emergency services later viduals, down 26 per cent on Alicante General Hospital. reported 106 people injured last year.

Guilabert’s son was also throughout the course of the Thousands flock to Elche’s seriously injured, suffering 10 night – not all in the Palm Nit de l’Albà every year to witTHE Spanish royal family were snubbed at the Olympics per cent burns. incident. ness the spectacle. The city is Elche’s Nit de l’Albà is when they were denied entry into a special area to conMost were treated at the blacked out with even streetgratulate the country’s silver-winning Taekwondo medal- famed for its palm tree-styled scene by the Cruz Roja. fireworks, and it was one of list Nico Garcia.

Despite the tragic acci- lights switched off to show the Queen Sofia, Prince Felipe and Princess Letizia were these that ignited early, caus- dent, Elche councillor for fireworks to best effect.

Streets, rooftops, parks barred by a volunteer worker who failed to recognise ing the incident. security Sebastián Polo said A rogue rocket hit the bot- there were 20 per cent fewer and pavements are packed Spain’s royals. as fireworks are launched in The family were left standing outside the zone at tom of the display, igniting it injuries than last year.

London’s Excel when while the top was still covHailing the night a success a display across the city they could not produce ered in canvas. overall, Polo called the Palm before the normally spectacTerrifyingly, this caused explosion a “freak accident”. ular finale. entry papers.

“You are the future King of Spain? Well I did not know,” an unnamed volunteer was overheard telling the heir to the reportedly burning across Spain on Sunday.

Spanish throne.

TWO people died battling a wildfire blaze in Firefighters are battling to save Unesco “But you aren’t carry- Alicante province over the weekend while World Heritage site Garajonay National Park ing the accreditation thousands were forced to flee their homes to on La Gomera. The site contains woodlands needed for this zone so escape flames on the Canary Islands of La that have survived since the Tertiary Age 11 you are not going in.”

Gomera and Tenerife. million years ago.

He then turned his back The latest tragedy in what has been called Water-carrying aircraft that doused flames on the Spanish royals the worst summer of fires in Spain for a when the fire first broke out on the island a who were left standing at the rope for several minutes decade, saw an environmental agent and a before another volunteer also refused them entry. week ago were sent away as officials thought Onlookers said the Spanish royals took the rejection in firefighter killed as fire ravished 600 hectares the blaze was under control. good spirit and that Princess Letizia, a former television of land between Torremanzanas, Benifallim But it was rekindled by winds and high temnews anchor, took pictures throughout the exchange on and Penáguila, Alicante. Two more are peratures. It can take up to a day for propellerreported to be seriously injured. her mobile phone. driven firefighting aircraft to arrive.

Some 5,000 people have been evacuated, Queen Sofia turned down an invitation to the Diamond The state meteorological agency has Jubilee celebrations in May because of the escalating many by boat, from Tenerife and La Gomera warned that soaring temperatures pose a condiplomatic row over the sovereignty of Gibraltar. since Friday, and more than ten wildfires were tinued “high risk of fires in the country”.

ELCHE’S celebrated annual firework display ended in tragedy on Monday when a rogue firework ignited a pyrotechnical explosion that left one man with 60 per cent burns and dozens more injured.

Spanish royals barred from Olympic lounge

Spain ablaze, more dead

xx

Fireproof trees may halt the forest fires FIREPROOF trees may be the answer to Spain’s wildfire problem.

Scientists are looking at the possibility of firebreaks creating with flame resistant cypress trees.

They got the idea after a copse of cypress trees was left fire when intact destroyed 50,000 acres of land around them near the Valencian town of Andilla.

Only 12 of 958 showed cypresses signs of fire damage, while the native tree

all were species destroyed.

Mystified scientists are now studying the trees. some However, remain sceptical.

Raul de la Calle, of the Official Association of Technical Forest Engineers, said: “We will have to find out what really happened.

“The cypress is not a combustible very species, but to the point that it doesn’t burn at all?

“There is no such thing as a fireproof tree.”

Friday, August 17, 2012

29

30

Friday,December August 17, 2012 Friday, 16, 2011

Olympic BMWs to be sold off TOES UP FOR

BMW plans to sell off a large proportion of the 3 and 5 Series vehicles used as part of its Olympic fleet through the UK national dealer network, it has emerged.

The rest of the cars will go on to serve in the Paralympic games from the 29th August to the 9th September.

The Olympics ended with the closing ceremony last Sunday evening, sparking rumours that people would soon be able to bag themselves a bargain ex-Olympic fleet vehicle.

BMW is yet to officially confirm what it will do with its lightly used Olympic vehicles, but it is thought many cars will make it onto dealer forecourts, marketed as ‘ex-demo’, low mileage cars.

The German automaker often holds private closed sale events of BMW fleet vehicles for its dealers in conjunction with British Car Auctions, which could prove a good resource for dealers to procure vehicles.

The Olympic fleet comprised 1,550 320d EfficientDynamics and 700 520d EfficientDynamics – both emit less than the 120g/km CO2 target of the London Organising Committee of the Olympic and Paralympic Games.

Other BMWs used in the taskforce included 400 318d Tourings, 160 1 Series ActiveE electric vehicles, 20 5 Series ActiveHybrids, 17 X3 xDrive 20ds and 10 X5 xDrive 30ds.

MAYBACH

A strong possibility is that the BMW UK dealer network won’t be able to absorb even 50% of the fleet straight away (the remaining vehicles will be used for the Paralympic games) so some cars may be auctioned off to private buyers.

BMW dismissed fears that the Olympic cars would have a negative impact on residual values of its used cars, stating that every step had been taken to ensure they are returned to market in a cohesive manner.

BMW Group UK General Manager of Used Cars, Matt Bristow, highlighted

MAYBACH – a brand name almost unknown outside Germany when it was revived – was supposed to be Mercedes’ answer to Rolls Royce and Bentley. And perhaps it could have been.

It could have been if Mercedes has made the Maybach a state-of-the-art limo with cutting-edge underpinnings and subtle inclusion of the latest technology. Instead, we got a Maybach based on an old S-Class, a design that jarred the sensibilities of most with even a modicum of taste and an interior that looked like an explosion in a glitterball factory.

Mercedes tried, they really did. They gave us the option of a long Maybach in the 57 and a too long for European roads 62. They tried bolting an ‘S’ on the end to make the Maybach sporty, they toyed with a Maybach Coupe (even the firm tasked to produce the Maybach Coupe fro Mercedes went bust) and we even had a Maybach Landaulet and a Maybach BMW intended to substitute the vol- Zeppelin. All to no avail.

Perhaps it wasn’t just the poor design and poor conception ume by reducing its staff car schemes: “These cars won’t impact on the that killed the Maybach, but the resurgence of Bentley and open market; disposal of the volume is Rolls Royce under the ownership of VW and BMW that was business as usual. There will be no the killer nail in Maybach’s change in our young used disposal coffin?

But whatever the reavolumes; they are in line with previous sons, Maybach is now gone. patterns.

“Dealers will be hungry for them and But don’t be surprised to we will also be able to sell them inter- see the next generation SClass with a Maybach nally to staff and their families.”

All Olympic BMWs are fitted with moniker appended to the sat-nav, with a variety of options end of the Pullman version designed to appeal to the dealer net- to signify the Daddy of all SClasses. work.

Friday, August 17, 2012

31

32

Friday, August 17, 2012

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 19 represents C and 23 represents V, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Leguminous vegetables scattered at the end of church (4) 3 Brutally slain for a large piece of land (8) 9 Garden I dug up in Berkshire (7) 10 It sounds warmer in London for this aquatic mammal (5) 11 Affordable cooked peach (5) 12 Your liver’s out of sorts, my precious one (6) 14 A hat for Hopalong Cassidy’s horse (6) 16 Get in the way of that little devil upsetting Dee! (6) 19 Go to a mound, you hairy one (6) 21 Knock the beer back like a king (5) 24 The dictator keeps order inside (5) 25 A hundred and a hundred more as I wandered around the small shrubs (7) 26 Really learned about red meats (8)

27 Last character with Susan backing old Greek (4) Down 1 Fruity results of a naughty pair on beds (8) 2 Trap a small drum (5) 4 A grand summer month (6) 5 Small cattle with many a frown (5) 6 Cooked yeast in church is Percy Shaw’s invention (7) 7 Spikes from avocado pears (4) 8 Some sports implements are uncomplicated (6) 13 Hermits cure less, sadly (8) 15 Supporting seizures of trading gains (7) 17 Eccentric George Moran is actually pirate Henry (6) 18 Look out for secondrate pottery (6) 20 It is included in the tax (5) 22 Moan about German Pier (5) 23 Finger marks reveal source (4)

STANDARD CLUES

Down

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Ale Awe Beg Eel Elf Far Gun Lay Rat Sea See Set Sol Sty Sum Yes 4 letter words Ages Aloe Alum Area Aria

Bean Beat Blip Bomb Brad Care Dale East Else Evil Hasp Idle Leys Lone Ogre Oral Ores Page Pave Pens Plus Reed Riel

Orate Ruse Pants Sago Peaty Saki Phase Sari Reams Sate Saint Shoe Sales Spat Shine Stem Sorry Step Tares Taut 5 letter words 6 letter words Latent Alien Marina Banns Scream Bated Series Beans 8 letter words Bossy Omelette Embed Porthole Event Seawater Forte Steppers Frail Hairy Larva Makes

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across

Across 1 Relating to rural life (8) 7 Quiver (5) 8 Liberal prime minister (1868–74, 1880–5, 1886 and 1892–4) (9) 9 Constrictor snake (3) 10 Finger part (4) 11 Mastermind (6) 13 Neckwear (6) 14 Stroke affectionately (6) 17 Summon (6) 18 Tree branch (4) 20 Standard or average (3) 22 Extrication from danger (9) 23 Disorder (5)

24 Ineffective (8) Down 1 Heathen (5) 2 Enduring strength and energy (7) 3 Remove from office (4) 4 Highest point (6) 5 Coats with plaster (5) 6 Stays behind (7) 7 Meeting for the exchange of views (7) 12 Dead body of an animal (7) 13 Closely knit (7) 15 Building (7) 16 Long-haired dog (6) 17 Fracture (5) 19 Incentive (5) 21 Endorse (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Ancestry, 8 Ignorance, 9 Sue, 10 Near, 11 Defile, 13 Stream, 14 Mutate, 17 August, 20/18 Mug shot, 22 Nectarine, 23 Eject, 24 Roulette.

Down: 1 Align, 2 Centaur, 3 Sore, 4 Ranges, 5 Amuse, 6 Intense, 7 Serious, 12 Tangent, 13 Scamper, 15 Atheist, 16 Psycho, 17 Agree, 19 Theme, 21/7A Paul Simon.

Scribble Pad

1 Peach-like fruits (8) 2 Trap (5) 1 Church recess (4) 4 Venerable (6) 3 Slaughter (8) 5 Frown with displeasure 9 Studying (7) (5) 10 Freshwater carnivo6 Reflecting device in rous mammal (5) road (7) 11 Inexpensive (5) 7 Auricles (4) 12 Precious metal (6) 8 Easy (6) 14 Man’s hat (6) 13 Hermits (8) 15 Benefits (7) 16 Hinder (6) 17 Welsh buccaneer 19 Small chin beard (6) (1635-1688) (6) 21 Majestic (5) 18 Watch out (6) 24 Decree (5) 20 Levy of one 10th of 25 Type of shrub (7) something (5) 26 Dominated (8) 22 Complain (5) 27 Greek god (4) 23 Micro-organism (4) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Cremated, 7 Curse, 8 Impartial, 9/20 Big top, 10 Alas, 11 Mirage, 13 Canoes, 14 Beagle, 17 Orator, 18 Calm, 22 Evocation, 23 Emits, 24 Strategy.

Down: 1 China, 2 Explain, 3 Acre, 4 Elixir, 5 Tribe, 6 Newgate, 7 Cleaner, 12 Menaces, 13 Centred, 15 Granite, 16 Cohort, 17 Optic, 19 Money, 21 Data.

Across

Down

1 Foot (3) 3 Ribbon (5) 6 Alquitrán (3) 8 To suck in (air or dust) (7) 9 Ajedrez (5) 10 Behind (at the back) (5) 11 Otro (en singular) (7) 12 Pirata (6) 14 Tin (ore) (6) 17 Towels (7) 19 Especia (5) 21 Late (after usual time) (5) 22 En contra de (7) 23 South (3) 24 Árboles (5) 25 Un (3)

1 Silver (metal) (5) 2 Emperador (7) 3 Faces (5) 4 Noruega (6) 5 Anchovies (salted, tinned) (7) 6 Dientes (5) 7 Rosary (7) 12 Ducklings (7) 13 El más alto (7) 15 Breath (respiration) (7) 16 Fuga (6) 18 To open (5) 19 Costuras (puntadas) (5) 20 Between (5)

33

Friday, August 17, 2012 Across 1 Into The Valley, in 1979, was the only British top 10 hit single for which British punk band? (5) 4 Which building materials are laid in alternating courses of stretchers and headers? (6) 9 Which US state is bordered by Tennessee to the north, Georgia to the east, Mississippi to the west and Florida to the south? (7) 10 Which musical note has the time value of half a whole note? (5) 11 In computing, what name is applied to a graphic symbol, usually a simple picture, that denotes a programme or a command or a data file or a concept in a graphical user interface?

(4) 12 What name is given to plants that complete their entire life cycles within the space of a year? (7) 13/17 Melvin Kaminsky is the real name of which writer/producer who wrote and produced the films

Blazing Saddles, The Producers and Young Frankenstein? (3,6) 14 Which city is the capital of Western Samoa? (4) 16 Which city in northern India is the site of the Taj Mahal? (4) 18 What first name is shared by writer Fleming, politician Paisley and actor/knight McKellen? (3) 20 Ibrox Stadium is the home ground of which Scottish football team? (7) 21 Which island in Indonesia south of Borneo is one of the world’s most densely populated regions?

(4) 24 Which constellation on the equator east of Taurus contains the stars Betelgeuse and Rigel? (5) 25 Which pear-shaped tropical fruit has green or blackish skin and rich yellowish pulp enclosing a single large seed? (7) 26 In music, what name is given to an instrumental composition typically of three or four movements in

Quiz Word

contrasting forms and keys? (6) 27 Which word means an aggregate of 12 dozen

SUDOKU

things? (5) Down 1 What is the name given to the crackling or hissing

noise caused by electrical interference? (6) 2 In entomology, what name is applied to an insect in its final, adult, sexually mature, and typically winged state? (5) 3 What name is given to the scum formed by oxidation at the surface of molten metals? (4) 5 What nationality, by birth, was the former world number one tennis player Ilie Nastase? (8) 6 In classical mythology, which race of creatures fabled to be half man and half horse lived in the mountains of Thessaly? (7) 7 Which small turnover of Indian origin is filled with vegetables or meat, fried and served hot? (6) 8 In Islam, what name is given to the meat from animals that have been slaughtered in the prescribed way according to Sharia law? (5) 13 Which German-born painter was a co-founder of Dadaism and developed

the technique of collage?

(3,5) 15 What name is given to a regular payment to a person that is intended to allow them to subsist without working? (7) 17 See 13 Across 18 According to the Old Testament, which son of Abraham and Sarah was offered by Abraham as a sacrifice to God? (5) 19 What is the surname of the actor who played the part of the Six Million Dollar Man, Colonel Steve Austin?

(6) 22 From the Spanish for ‘cottonwood’, what was the name of 18th-century Franciscan mission in San Antonio, Texas, which was, in 1836, the site of a historic resistance effort by a small group of determined fighters for Texan independence from Mexico? (5) 23 Which percussion instrument consists of a metal plate that is struck with a softheaded drumstick? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Animals - Animales

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

ANSWERS: 1. San Francisco 2. Baton Rouge 3.

Newcastle 4. 60 Degrees South 5. Caspian Sea 6. 4.00pm 7. Lake Baikal in Siberia, Russia. The Olkhon Crevice, the deepest point of the lake, has a depth of 5,370 ft 8. Yemen 9. Mount Vesuvius 10. Israel 11. Venice 12. Tenerife 13.

Mexico (1000 a year) 14. Falklands

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 7 Caviar, 8 Harvey, 9 Nest, 10 Sheridan, 11 Ugandan, 13 La Paz, 15/17 Elgin Marbles, 20 Steerage, 21 Rusk, 23 Encore, 24 Taiwan.

Down: 1 Cage, 2 Piston, 3 Gresham, 4 Shrek, 5 Eroica, 6 Delaware, 12 Gelatine, 14 Magenta, 16 Ice box, 18 Barrie, 19 Camel, 22 Seal.

BALLENA

LIEBRE

BORREGO

OSO

CABALLO

PAJARO

CANGREJO

PERRO

CARACOL

PEZ

CERDO

RATA

CONEJO

RATON

CUCARACHA

TIBURON

DELFIN

TIGRE

ELEFANTE

TORTUGA

GATO

VACA

LEON

ZORRO

Empareja estas palabras para animales - Match the Spanish and English animal words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

gato, perro, caballo, raton, rata, cucaracha, leon, tigre, elefante,

Soduko

a. bird b. lion c. cat d. elephant e. cockroach f. dog g. horse i. rat j. tortoise

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

pajaro, tortuga, conejo, vaca, borrego, cerdo, cangrejo, caracol, oso,

Span - Eng

k. mouse l. tiger m. crab n. bear o. rabbit p. snail q. fox r. cow s. whale

Quizword

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

tiburon, delfin, ballena, pez, liebre, zorro.

t. sheep u. hare v. fish w. pig x. shark z. dolphin

Answers: 1c, 2f, 3g, 4k, 5i, 6e, 7b, 8l, 9d, 10a, 11j, 12o, 13r, 14t, 15w, 16m, 17p, 18n, 19x, 20z, 21s, 22v, 23u, 24q

geography QUIZ 1. What city was Fillmore west in?

2. What is the state capital of Louisiana?

3. In Which English City Will You Find The Angel Of The North?

4. On Which Line Of Latitude Could You Sail Around The World Without Touching Land?

5. The world's largest lake has a very misleading name.

What is it?

6. "If its 4:00pm in Seattle Washington, what time is it in Portland Oregon "?

7. What is the world deepest lake?

8. Which country at the southern tip of the Arabian Peninsula was previously known as Aden?

9. Which Mountain Overlooks The City Of Naples?

10. In which country would you find the Negev desert?

11. In which city is the Bridge of Sighs?

12. Which is the largest of the Canary Islands?

13. In which country are you most likely to die from a scorpion sting?

14. Which Islands Were The Subject Of A War Between Argentina And Britain in 1982?

OS OHV P B CA A A L CT K L K E A E OGQNHOI L OA UT CRRE HOE CDE E RA CA RRGV L E L A RB OT A L OE F OI T K L RE RNUG RGCRNNT OA A CE RGX OA RA A ORK B CZ CRA W OOT F B A RX A UNOT A R Z V E A J A Z UDCONE J O A L GA T OL Y B E V Y L Y X E UP DK NE L J I L X L I G CA NGRE J OOE T F B J U Z B N C ML OC A R A C I QY OE HZ UP P T P Y OHZ NA S V P V RT A P P QT GF A C

Fill It In

34

Friday, August 17, 2012

TRELI ON THE TELLY with ALEX TRELINSKI I WANTED to ring the changes this week, avoiding any mention of the London Olympics - but Mo Farah put a stop to that. Last Saturday night, he produced one of the greatest British athletics moments I’ve ever seen on the box, as he toyed with the rest of the field to add the 5,000 metres to his 10,000 title. It was brilliantly commentated for the BBC by Steve Cram and Brendan Foster, and adds further to the problems the BBC have for their Sports Personality of the Year award in December.

It doesn’t look like an automatic parade for Bradley Wiggins, so perhaps the Beeb could lessen the pressure by having an Olympian of the Year award so that Mo can get that one, and Bradley the other.

The Mo-Wiggo Show: BBC Olympic dilemma

TV sports commentators some incredible turns of these days largely lack char- phrase, and his Geordie acter and charisma, so I was tones pronouncing Jocky saddened to hear of the Wilson’s name years ago. death of Sid Waddell, who And by all accounts, he was made darts fun to watch. He a really nice bloke as he hit was a very intelligent guy the bullseye for many peowho was a well respected TV ple.

The name Jeff Ford producer and writer, as well means nothing outside as holding the microphone at countless darts events. I the UK TV industry, but he’s loved his use of English with the boss of Channel Five, having cut his teeth on bringing a lot of top American shows to the network. He clearly hasn’t lost his touch because his channel has hit the jackpot, buying three of the best US programmes in the last year, as well as t u r n i n g down the acclaimed Homeland, with Ford saying it wasn’t the right kind of show for his channel.

His triple strike has done

q

very well, as the enjoyable fantasy series, Once Upon a Time, moves to the end of series one, and he’s got the successful revival of Dallas up his sleeve for next month.

And now his ace in the pack started on Tuesday night, straight after CSI, with Person of Interest.

Back in the autumn I raved about the show, having watched the first couple of episodes on La Sexta, as well as being baffled why no UK broadcaster had picked up the big new American ratings hit of the season. It mixes drama with a bit of mystery as it tells the tale of a CIA killer who is dragged into preventing crimes before they happen.

It’s been created by JJ Abrams, the man behind Lost and who came up with the dud that was Alcatraz.

Despite all the publicity and hype, Alcatraz was dumped

q

Horoscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 In a world full of people like yourself, who cares if you want to behave like an orangutan? Damage To The Central Nervous System - a phrase you're going to be hearing a lot over the coming days.

Can you be held responsible for everything you *don't* do? Who knows. It's never too late to do that thing you always wanted to do. You know - the THING.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 You might find you start aching below the knee, today. Everything will go wrong today. Including this horoscope. Write lots of letters today and you'll appreciate the finer art of stamp licking. Many of your emotions have been plagiarised by others who have no idea how you feel. NO IDEA I TELLS YA!

Gemini May 21 - June 20 Ten weeks of doing what you do best, and you're still no closer to achieving your goal. You're a mug. You always have been and you always will be. Change, and your friends will stop liking you as much. What happened yesterday was beyond your control. The odds against surviving today without any of your limbs is low.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 Your appetites for love are not dampened by the loss of a limb...but your partner's might be. Hope will always get you through your problems. Yes, "hope" your doctor is mistaken or misinformed about your unforunate predicament. The accuracy of any prognostication is likely to be determined by how unlucky you generally are. A pet of yours may die today.

after a dozen episodes, whilst Person of Interest just smouldered quietly into a success story. It also works because Abrams made sure that the series didn’t become predictable, which sadly Alcatraz did after a couple of outings.

If they can continue to bring us shows like this, I’ll forgive Channel Five for their obsession with the rotting corpse that is Big Brother.

And I’m sure there are other TV executives that would dearly love to have Mr Ford’s sense of what makes a hit Stateside show that does well with UK viewers.

I’ve yet to see anything second-rate from the writer, Jimmy McGovern, who is still best known for Cracker. And more of his work is back on screen to make us think, as well as entertain, with another run of individual plays on BBC 1

q

called Accused. Each week, the story ends up in court, so we know that happy isn’t a word that’s being thrown about.

Take Tuesday’s opener with a professor played by Sean Bean who happens to be a transvestite.

An affair turns badly wrong, and McGovern’s script shines as always, with a cast that deliver his words impeccably.

With this and Person of Interest, you can’t say that there isn’t high quality viewing available in what used to be the televisual wasteland of August.

If the stories are to be believed, it took the bosses at Eastenders a year to persuade Letitia Dean to return to the show as Sharon. Based on what I’ve seen this week, were all the negotiations really worth it?

q

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 Laugh and the world laughs at you. Or at least, it'll seem like that this week. The very thought of coming up with a horoscope for you made me laugh. You may be the most pathetic thing I've ever come across - but DON'T BE SAD! You are on the verge of a massive breakthrough.

Kissing horses in an otherwise empty paddock is fair game today.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Banking on anyone this week? Don't let them let you down like they did me. I'm still picking up the pieces of a tattered life.

Most of the things you're doing are going well, so there's no need to give up now.

Fools die young, and you certainly like to think that you're foolhardy. Please, don't die on a whim. Whimsy and death are such awkward bedfellows.

Libra September 23 - October 22 You are trapped in a cave with a panther and a sound system playing Michael Bolton's greatest hits. What do you do?

You can't go wrong today - everything is set up for brilliance. Assume everyone's an idiot today and you may find yourself being patronising and brilliantly witty.

Electrical things will cause a problem for you today.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 This week provides you with the greatest chance of making it. So pray to the planets that they stay in alignment or this horoscopes will not be fulfilled. Time is on your side, feel free to mix-it-up a little. The phenomenon of time standing still may occur to you numerous times today.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Death is the stark figure in the corner that is staring at you and rubbing it's handbones. Wires, connections, switches, plugs, hot burning sensations, melted shoes. It's all a nightmare, and it's coming to visit you. Soon. Having a secret agenda is all very good, but posting it on your blog/company intranet is NOT advisable.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Weeks are made to find new ways of entertaining yourself during boredom.

Make sure your weekend reflects this happier time. Your learning may give you cause to grieve today as you are unable to stop local flooding using trigonometry alone. Any advice given to you today will seem like poppycock, and it probably is.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Placing your mouth around the exhaust of a car stuck in traffic is bound to cause more traffic problems. Please take into consideration the needs of others. You may think later this month that your computer has been hacked by some 12 year old American girl. However, you will soon come to realise that actually a family pet has chewed through the cord of your mouse.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 A hard life will get harder for you this week as you start drinking heavily. Make yourself a coffee, sit down and read the internet. Hell, it's what you do everyday, right? Test yourself, know your limits! It's never too late to accept that you're a complete fraud.

35

The Courier Friday TV

August 17

00:20 Is Football Racist?

01:20 Holiday Weatherview 01:25 Panorama 01:55 Food Factory 02:25 Britain's Heritage Heroes 02:55 Real Rescues 03:40 Doorstep Crime 999 04:40 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:30 Animal 24:7 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather 16:05 I Want My Own Room 16:35 Splatalot 17:00 Copycats 17:30 Blue Peter 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Miranda 22:00 EastEnders 22:30 In with the Flynns 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow

00:20 The Rob Brydon Show 00:50 Ewan McGregor: Cold Chain Mission 01:50 The Culture Show 02:20 BBC News 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today

04:00 BBC News 04:15 Close 07:00 Guess with Jess 07:10 Louie 07:20 Wibbly Pig 07:30 64 Zoo Lane 07:40 Chuggington 07:50 Rastamouse 08:00 Barney's Latin America 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Frankenstein's Cat 08:50 Arthur 09:15 OOglies 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Eco 09:45 Big & Small 10:00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:10 Little Charley Bear 10:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:30 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 10:45 The Koala Brothers 10:55 Lunar Jim 11:05 Kerwhizz 11:30 Driver Dan's Story Train 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 Animal Park 13:00 The Falcon in Mexico 14:10 The Falcon in Hollywood 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Real Rescues 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Antiques Road Trip 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity MasterChef 20:00 Escape to the Country 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Poms in Paradise 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Murder, She Wrote 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Dinner Date 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Tonight 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Corrie Goes to Kenya 23:00 ITV News at Ten 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Out of Sight

THE STRIPED PYJAMAS Second World War drama starring Asa Butterfield, Jack Scanlon and David Thewlis. After his Nazi officer father is given a promotion, young Bruno and his family are moved from Berlin to a remote house in the countryside. With nothing to do and no friends of his own age, Bruno becomes curious about a nearby building known as "the farm" and its oddly clothed inhabitants.

00:30 Brass Eye 01:00 Vic and Bob Present 01:05 The Weekenders 01:40 Comedy Lab 02:10 Comedy Live Presents Russell Brand and Friends 03:05 Britain's Oldest Stand-Up 03:35 A Short History of Everything Else 04:05 Dispatches 04:35 Apocalypse: The Second World War 05:30 Countdown 06:15 Deal or No Deal 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Will & Grace 09:20 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:50 Frasier 10:20 Come Dine with Me 13:00 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:05 Channel 4 Presents 13:10 River Cottage Bites 13:20 Howards End 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 22:00 Alan Carr's Summer Specstacular 2

00:00 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Great Artists 05:25 House Doctor 05:50 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Little Princess 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:20 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Abby's Flying Fairy School 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Chopped 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Hero Animals 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Mom at Sixteen 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Monkey Life 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Cricket on 5 21:00 Ice Road Truckers: Deadliest Roads 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:30 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side

36

The Courier Saturday TV

August 18

00:20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:30 EastEnders 02:25 Weatherview 02:30 Britain in a Day 04:00 Real Rescues 04:45 Newswatch 05:00 BBC News 05:30 On the Road With 06:00 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:30 Lorraine's Fast, Fresh and Easy Food 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Football Focus 14:00 Olympics 2012 16:45 Final Score 18:10 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:25 Total Wipeout 19:25 Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull 21:20 The National Lottery: Secret Fortune 22:10 Casualty 23:00 BBC News; Weather 23:20 Match of the Day

00:00 00:45 00:50 03:00 03:30 04:00 04:30

The Review Show Weather The Sheltering Sky BBC News The Record Review BBC News Click

04:45 07:00 07:10 07:20 07:30 07:35 07:45 08:00 08:30 09:00 09:20 09:35 10:05 10:30 11:00 11:30 12:00 12:30 13:05 13:25 14:25 14:55 16:45 18:30 19:30 20:30 21:00 23:00 23:30

Close Guess with Jess Louie Wibbly Pig Dipdap Chuggington Rastamouse Roar Project Parent The Scooby-Doo Show Dennis and Gnasher The Slammer Who Let the Dogs Out? Incredible Edibles Cop School Deadly 60 Bites Copycats MOTD Kickabout The Sky at Night Animal Park Bargain Hunt Famous Finds Alvarez Kelly When Time Ran Out Escape to the Country Flog It! Dad's Army BBC Proms 2012 QI TOTP2

01:45 ITV News Headlines 03:20 The Deer Hunter 06:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:20 CITV 09:25 Saturday Cookbook 10:25 ITV News 10:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 12:20 The Real Housewives of New York City 13:15 ITV News and Weather 13:24 Meridian Weather 13:25 Murder, She Wrote 14:25 Cool Runnings 16:20 Octopussy 18:45 Meridian News and Weather 19:00 ITV News and Weather 19:15 New You've Been Framed!

20:15 Red or Black?

21:00 The X Factor 22:15 Red or Black?

23:00 The Jonathan Ross Show

THE X FACTOR The talent extravaganza returns for a ninth series as Gary Barlow, Tulisa, Louis Walsh and new judge Nicole Scherzinger - replacing Kelly Rowland - search for the nation's next singing sensation. In a first for the show, anyone aged 16 and above can enter, even if they have had a management deal in the past or currently have one, so the competition is expected to be tougher than ever.

00:05 The Angelos Epithemiou Show 00:40 Celebrity Bedlam 01:10 Clive Anderson Talks Back 01:55 Green Wing 02:55 Comedy Blaps 03:30 My Name Is Earl 04:15 Happy Endings 04:35 St Elsewhere 05:25 Countdown 06:10 Deal or No Deal 07:05 Channel 4 Presents 07:10 British GT Championship 07:35 The Grid 08:00 Ben Rushgrove 08:55 The Morning Line 09:55 Ibiza Rocks 10:10 Cheryl: T4 Special 10:40 New Girl 11:15 Revenge 12:15 Suburgatory 12:50 Summer Daze 13:20 The Big Bang Theory 14:30 The Simpsons 14:55 Channel 4 Racing 16:55 V Festival 2012 17:20 Come Dine with Me 19:25 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Mission: Impossible 2 22:15 Micky Flanagan's Out Out Tour 23:15 Frankie Boyle: If I Could Reach Out Through Your TV and Strangle You I Would

00:20 The Bachelor 01:15 SuperCasino 05:00 Motorsport Mundial 05:25 House Doctor 05:50 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:15 City of Friends 07:25 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:40 Castle Farm 07:45 Abby's Flying Fairy School 07:55 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:15 Play!

08:25 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:50 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Angelina Ballerina 09:45 Rupert Bear 09:55 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:10 The Mr Men Show 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Jelly Jamm 11:00 Power Rangers Samurai 11:35 Batman: The Brave and the Bold 12:10 Looney Tunes 12:15 Looney Tunes 12:25 Monkey Life 12:55 Celebrity Big Brother 13:55 King Solomon's Mines 16:00 Little Women 18:15 Jesse Stone: Thin Ice 20:00 Cricket on 5 21:00 5 News Weekend 21:05 NCIS 22:10 Celebrity Big Brother 23:10 CSI: Miami

37

The Courier Sunday TV

August 19

00:40 National Lottery Update 02:00 Weatherview 02:05 BBC News 02:30 HARDtalk 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Olympic Sportsday 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Olympic Sportsday 06:00 BBC News 06:30 HARDtalk 07:00 Breakfast 08:40 Match of the Day 10:00 BBC News 11:00 Sunday Morning Live 12:00 Country Tracks 13:00 BBC News 13:10 Homes Under the Hammer 14:10 Bargain Hunt 15:10 Cash in the Attic 15:40 Escape to the Country 16:40 Ocean Giants 17:40 Songs of Praise 18:15 The Indian Doctor 19:00 The One Show: Best of Britain 19:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 20:00 Britain's Hidden Heritage 21:00 Countryfile 22:00 Silent Witness 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day 2

00:30 Shifty

01:55 Freestyle 03:25 Close 07:00 Guess with Jess 07:10 Louie 07:20 Wibbly Pig 07:30 Chuggington 07:40 Let's Celebrate 08:00 Roar 08:30 Paradise Cafe 08:55 Arthur 09:20 Dennis and Gnasher 09:30 Wingin' It 09:50 Shaun the Sheep 10:00 Who Let the Dogs Out? 10:30 Junior Bake Off 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:30 The Great British Bake Off 13:30 Carve Her Name with Pride 15:25 The Way to the Stars 17:15 Flog It! 17:45 Antiques Road Trip 18:30 Oceans 19:30 MotoGP 21:00 Exploring China: A Culinary Adventure 22:00 Toughest Place to Be 23:00 Page Eight

00:10 00:24 00:25 02:20 04:00 04:45 06:30 07:00 08:20 09:25 10:25 10:30 11:25 12:30 13:30 13:44 13:45 14:15 15:30 17:25 18:30 19:30 19:45 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:05 23:19 23:20

ITV News and Weather Meridian Weather The Break-Up ITV News Headlines In Plain Sight ITV Nightscreen ITV Morning News Mini CITV CITV Dinner Date ITV News House Gift There's No Taste Like Home The Hungry Sailors ITV News and Weather Meridian Weather You've Been Framed!

The X Factor Columbo: Grand Deceptions Doc Martin The Talent Show Story Meridian News and Weather ITV News and Weather The Chase The Cube The Last Weekend ITV News and Weather Meridian Weather GoldenEye

TOUGHEST PLACE TO BE Three Britons perform their regular jobs in tough locations, beginning with Staffordshire mine rescue worker Craig Notman. As Mongolia's abundance of minerals turns it into one of the fastest-growing economies in the world, thousands of people are heading into the wilderness to stake their claims to the country's gold deposits. Craig spends time with two of these unofficial miners, married couple Sukhabaatar and Gansuvd, and gains an insight into the risks they take every day digging dangerous shafts and tunnels in an attempt to make a living.

00:20 The IT Crowd 00:50 V Festival 2012 02:25 Vic Reeves Big Night Out 02:55 Comedy Lab 03:20 Chelmsford 123 03:45 Machan 05:30 Countdown 06:15 Deal or No Deal 07:10 The Treacle People 07:20 The Hoobs 07:45 Ironman Triathlon 08:10 Channel 4 Presents 08:15 Road to London 2012: Paralympics Extra 08:40 Surfing Special: The Endless Winter 09:10 Will & Grace 09:35 Will & Grace 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Sunday Brunch 13:50 Jamie Does 14:50 The Big Bang Theory 15:20 The Big Bang Theory 15:50 The Simpsons 16:20 The Simpsons 16:50 V Festival 2012 17:50 Deal or No Deal 18:50 Escape from Colditz 20:25 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 Lee Evans: Roadrunner 23:10 I'm Spazticus 23:40 The Function Room

00:05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 01:05 SuperCasino 05:00 HouseBusters 05:25 Divine Designs 05:50 Rough Guide to Activity Holidays 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 City of Friends 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Castle Farm 07:55 Abby's Flying Fairy School 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:15 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:25 Play!

08:35 Noddy in Toyland 08:45 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:20 Angelina Ballerina 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:55 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:10 The Mr Men Show 10:25 Roary the Racing Car 10:40 Jelly Jamm 11:00 Power Rangers Samurai 11:35 Batman: The Brave and the Bold 12:06 Looney Tunes 12:10 Celebrity Big Brother 13:10 World's 13:55 The Goonies 16:05 The Karate Kid III 18:15 Robin Hood 20:00 Cricket on 5 20:55 5 News Weekend 21:00 Once Upon a Time 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:00 Mutt Ugly: World's Ugliest Dog 23:55 Bring It On

38

The Courier Monday TV

August 20

00:25 In with the Flynns 00:55 Deceived 02:40 Weatherview 02:45 Olympics 2012 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:30 Animal 24:7 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Leon 16:35 Splatalot 17:00 Shaun the Sheep 17:10 Wingin' It 17:30 Project Parent 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Silent Witness 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:40 02:10 02:30 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 07:00 07:10 07:20 07:30 07:40

MotoGP Newsday Click BBC World News Asia Business Report Sport Today BBC World News Asia Business Report Close Guess with Jess Louie Wibbly Pig 64 Zoo Lane Chuggington

07:50 Rastamouse 08:00 Barney's Latin America 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Frankenstein's Cat 08:50 Arthur 09:15 OOglies 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Eco 09:45 Baby Jake 10:00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:10 Little Charley Bear 10:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:30 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Lunar Jim 11:00 Octonauts: Creature Reports 11:05 Kerwhizz 11:30 Driver Dan's Story Train 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Coast 13:10 The Falcon in San Francisco 14:15 The Falcon's Alibi 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Real Rescues 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity MasterChef 20:00 Escape to the Country 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Lorraine's Fast, Fresh and Easy Food 22:00 The Riots: In Their Own Words 23:00 James May's Things You Need to Know 23:30 Newsnight

01:40 ITV News Headlines 03:40 Golden Balls 04:30 Motorsport UK 05:20 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Murder, She Wrote 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Don't Blow the Inheritance 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Countrywise 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Ruth Rendell's Thirteen Steps Down 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Real Crime

CUTTING EDGE

Fifty years after the child murderer's confinement, this Cutting Edge documentary examines the infamous prisoner's attempts to influence and control individuals around him, such as solicitors and psychiatrists.

Brady's mental health advocate, an executor of his will, reveals startling information presenting further evidence of the murderer's continuing efforts to assert power over his victims' families.

00:15 Harry Hill 00:45 V Festival 2012 02:15 The Law of the Playground 02:45 The 11 O'Clock Show 03:25 Hollyoaks 05:30 Countdown 06:15 Deal or No Deal 07:10 Sali Mali 07:15 The Hoobs 07:40 The Hoobs 08:05 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Will & Grace 09:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:55 Frasier 10:25 Frasier 10:55 Come Dine with Me 13:30 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:35 Three in a Bed 14:35 River Cottage Bites 14:45 Channel 4 Presents 14:50 Hope Floats 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:25 4thought.tv 20:30 Jon Snow's Paralympic Show 21:00 Dispatches 21:30 Simply Italian 22:00 Cutting Edge 23:00 Toast of London 23:35 I'm Spazticus

01:50 SuperCasino 04:55 Sons of Anarchy 05:45 Rough Guide to Short Breaks 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Big School 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Abby's Flying Fairy School 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Reza, Spice Prince of India 12:40 Andy Bates Street Feasts 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Pawn Stars 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:10 The Perfect Assistant 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Monkey Life 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Cricket on 5 21:00 Frontline Police 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:00 Celebrity Wedding Planner

39

The Courier Tuesday TV

August 21

00:05 Room 101 - Extra Storage 00:45 Extreme Measures 02:40 Weatherview 02:45 Engineering Giants 03:45 Holby City 04:45 Britain's Heritage Heroes 05:15 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:30 Animal 24:7 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Leon 16:35 Splatalot 17:00 Shaun the Sheep 17:10 Wingin' It 17:30 Trade Your Way to the USA 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Accused 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Traffic Cops

00:20 01:20 01:30 02:00 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:20 06:05

Toughest Place to Be BBC News HARDtalk Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today BBC World News Asia Business Report Sport Today BBC World News Asia Business Report Sport Today BBC World News The Super League Show Close

07:00 Guess with Jess 07:10 Louie 07:20 Wibbly Pig 07:30 64 Zoo Lane 07:40 Chuggington 07:50 Rastamouse 08:00 Barney's Latin America 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Frankenstein's Cat 08:50 Arthur 09:15 OOglies 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Eco 09:45 Baby Jake 10:00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:10 Little Charley Bear 10:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:30 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Lunar Jim 11:00 Octonauts: Creature Reports 11:05 Kerwhizz 11:30 Driver Dan's Story Train 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Coast 13:05 The Falcon's Adventure 14:05 Journey into Fear 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Real Rescues 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity MasterChef 20:00 Escape to the Country 21:00 The Great British Bake Off 22:00 The Midwives 23:00 The Rob Brydon Show 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 In Plain Sight 01:25 ITV News Headlines 03:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Murder, She Wrote 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Don't Blow the Inheritance 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Corrie Goes to Kenya

THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF The 11 remaining amateur bakers face three tasks designed to test their bread-making skills, beginning by preparing two varieties of flatbread for judges Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry. The hopefuls then tackle a demanding technical challenge as they try to replicate Paul's recipe for an eight-strand plaited loaf, before receiving the dubious honour of becoming the first contestants in the show's history to make bagels.

00:10 Coming Up 00:40 Steve Coogan Presents 00:45 Steve Coogan: Live 'n' Lewd 01:45 jam 02:15 Garth Marenghi's Darkplace 02:40 Vic & Bob's Popadoodledandy 03:15 Pamela Stephenson 04:10 Happy Endings 04:55 St Elsewhere 05:45 Deal or No Deal 06:40 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:05 Sali Mali 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Will & Grace 09:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:55 Frasier 10:55 Come Dine with Me 13:30 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:35 Three in a Bed 14:35 River Cottage 14:40 Channel 4 Presents 14:45 The Bad and the Beautiful 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:25 4thought.tv 20:30 Jon Snow's Paralympic Show 21:00 Supersize vs Superskinny 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies 22:00 The Queen's Mother in Law 23:00 C4 Comedy Presents: Them from That Thing 23:35 I'm Spazticus

00:00 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:00 The Hotel Inspector 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 Great Artists 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Big School 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Abby's Flying Fairy School 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Reza, Spice Prince of India 12:40 Andy Bates Street Feasts 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Pawn Stars 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:10 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:15 The Elizabeth Smart Story 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Monkey Life 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Ice Road Truckers: Deadliest Roads 21:00 Born to Kill 22:00 Person of Interest 23:00 Celebrity Big Brother

40

The Courier Wednesday TV

August 22

00:35 Lord of War 02:30 Weatherview 02:35 The Best of Men 04:05 Britain's Heritage Heroes 04:35 Real Rescues 05:20 BBC World News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:30 Animal 24:7 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather 16:05 Leon 16:35 Splatalot 17:00 Shaun the Sheep 17:10 Wingin' It 17:30 Jedward's Big Adventure 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 Helicopter Heroes 21:00 The Flowerpot Gang 22:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 Have I Got Old News for You

00:20 The Riots: In Their Own Words 01:20 BBC News 01:30 HARDtalk 02:00 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 BBC World News 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 BBC World News 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 BBC World News

05:05 Close 07:00 Guess with Jess 07:10 Louie 07:20 Wibbly Pig 07:30 64 Zoo Lane 07:40 Chuggington 07:50 Rastamouse 08:00 Barney's Latin America 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Frankenstein's Cat 08:50 Arthur 09:15 OOglies 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Eco 09:45 Baby Jake 10:00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:10 Little Charley Bear 10:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:30 Bob the Builder 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Lunar Jim 11:00 Octonauts: Creature Reports 11:05 Kerwhizz 11:30 Driver Dan's Story Train 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Coast 13:05 Hands on Nature 13:35 The Purple Plain 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Real Rescues 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity MasterChef 20:00 Escape to the Country 21:00 Restoration Home 22:00 Vexed 23:00 The Culture Show 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time 01:35 ITV News Headlines 04:00 Golden Balls 04:50 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Murder, She Wrote 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Don't Blow the Inheritance 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 The Corrie Years 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 ITV News at Ten 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Syriana

SECRET INTERVIEW New series. Eight unwitting candidates are assessed on their suitability for a life-changing job while under the impression they are filming a documentary about their workplaces. Over the course of a week, each of them is tested to the limit by a team of actors intent on causing chaos, while their prospective boss secretly watches everything and judges their ability to handle the pressure. In the first edition, chef and restaurateur Jason Atherton finds out how contestants Richard Guest and Rob Young cope with terrible trainees, a fake food critic and the world's worst waitress.

00:05 Best of British 02:10 Surfing Special: The Endless Winter 02:35 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:00 Sailing 03:25 Volleyball 04:20 The Grid 04:50 British GT Championship 05:15 Ironman Triathlon 05:45 Road to London 2012: That Paralympic Show 06:10 Deal or No Deal 07:05 Sali Mali 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Will & Grace 09:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:55 Frasier 10:25 Frasier 10:55 Come Dine with Me 13:30 Channel 4 News 13:35 Three in a Bed 14:35 Channel 4 Presents 14:40 Channel 4 Racing 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:25 4thought.tv 20:30 Jon Snow's Paralympic Show 21:00 SuperScrimpers 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 C4 Comedy Presents: Them from That Thing 23:30 Fonejacker 23:35 I'm Spazticus

00:00 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:00 Banged Up Abroad 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 Great Artists 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Big School 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Abby's Flying Fairy School 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Reza, Spice Prince of India 12:40 Andy Bates Street Feasts 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Pawn Stars 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:15 Working Miracles 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Monkey Life 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 The Hotel Inspector 21:00 Secret Interview 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:30 Celebrity Big Brother: Live from the House

41

The Courier Thursday TV

August 23

00:15 Wedding Daze 01:40 Weatherview 01:45 The Tube 02:45 Britain's Heritage Heroes 03:15 Real Rescues 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 BBC World News 05:30 Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:58 BBC News; Weather 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:30 Animal 24:7 13:13 BBC News; Weather 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Leon 16:35 Splatalot 17:00 Shaun the Sheep 17:10 Wingin' It 17:30 Roy 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 Crimewatch: Caught in the Crossfire 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Neighbourhood Watched

00:20 01:20 01:30 02:00 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:15 07:00 07:10

The Midwives BBC News HARDtalk BBC News Asia Business Report Sport Today BBC World News Asia Business Report Sport Today BBC World News Close Guess with Jess Louie

07:20 Wibbly Pig 07:30 64 Zoo Lane 07:40 Chuggington 07:50 Rastamouse 08:00 Barney's Latin America 08:30 League of Super Evil 08:40 Frankenstein's Cat 08:50 Arthur 09:15 OOglies 09:30 Nina and the Neurons Go Eco 09:45 Baby Jake 10:00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10:10 Little Charley Bear 10:20 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:30 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 10:40 The Koala Brothers 10:50 Lunar Jim 11:00 Octonauts: Creature Reports 11:05 Kerwhizz 11:30 Driver Dan's Story Train 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Coast 13:10 Hands on Nature 13:40 Farewell My Lovely 15:15 Weakest Link 16:00 Real Rescues 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity MasterChef 20:00 Escape to the Country 21:00 Hairy Dieters: How to Love Food and Lose Weight 22:00 Springwatch 23:00 The Boss Is Back 23:30 Newsnight

01:55 ITV News Headlines 03:55 A Clockwork Orange 06:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 Murder, She Wrote 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Don't Blow the Inheritance 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Jennifer Saunders: Back in the Saddle 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Jonathan Ross Show

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HARRY HILL? Spoof documentary in which the comedian looks back at the Channel 4 sketch show that made him famous in the late 1990s. He discovers what some of his former co-stars have been up to since the series ended, including his big brother Alan (Al Murray), Burt Kwouk and the stars of the Badger Parade, and tries to get them to take part in a one-off reunion

00:10 Spaced 00:45 2 Broke Girls 01:15 New Girl 01:45 Summer Daze 02:10 Mercury Prize Sessions 02:25 V Festival 2012: The Best Bits 03:20 Spotlight 03:35 Mean Creek 05:00 St Elsewhere 05:50 Deal or No Deal 06:45 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 According to Jim 08:55 Will & Grace 09:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:55 Frasier 10:55 Come Dine with Me 13:30 Channel 4 News Midday Summary 13:35 Three in a Bed 14:35 Channel 4 Presents 14:40 Channel 4 Racing 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:25 4thought.tv 20:30 Jon Snow's Paralympic Show 21:00 The Restoration Man 22:00 Whatever Happened to Harry Hill?

23:00 Vic & Bob's Lucky Sexy Winners 23:35 Just Around the Corner

00:30 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:30 Comedy Kings: Best of Just for Laughs 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 Great Artists 05:20 House Doctor 05:45 Michaela's Wild Challenge 06:15 Wildlife SOS 06:35 Nick's Quest 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The WotWots 07:20 City of Friends 07:30 Jelly Jamm 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 Big School 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:25 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Abby's Flying Fairy School 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Reza, Spice Prince of India 12:40 Andy Bates Street Feasts 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:15 Bound by a Secret 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Monkey Life 19:30 5 News at 6.30 20:00 Frontline Police 21:00 The Oklahoma City Bomber Tapes 22:00 The Hotel Inspector 23:00 Celebrity Big Brother

42

Friday, August 17, 2012

CHURCH SERVICES

CARS FOR SALE

ADT Authorised Distributor Fully fitted Alarm systems Approved by the Guardia Civil. Masterboard key pad with remote control. A wireless or fixed control handset. Two image movement detectors with microphones.

Movement detector. Wall alarm with the ADT logo.GPRS / GSM Transmitter sim card for transmitting video and alarm signals. Sent to your mobile phone. All this for 149 € + iva. Installed. Then 29€ a Month. For professional advice and quotation Call 966 923 963 (76)

International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3.

Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer.

Home groups meet during the week. All welcome from any church background or none. For further information contact Pilar ChristianCommunity Church@gmail.com or contact Reverend Eddie on 966 7693 00 or 650 509 606.

Reg No:2009-SG/A

ALTERATIONS

CARPENTER

Try Professional Business Support for your quick quote for car insurance. Excellent prices for expats, all policies available in English or German. We will call you back with a price. 966 923 963 Looking for a car? We have a good selection of LHD & RHD vehicles for sale or exchange Tel 600 726 221 / 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Renault Megan Gran Scenic 7 seater, June 2011 latest model, 1.6 dci 6 spd, dynamque, 1 owner, 21,000 kms, fully serviced, cruise control, front fogs, cd, rear picnic table, rear light sensors, ISOFIX stunning condition, pearlescent white with half leather, Cost 25,000 euros new - 18,750 euros with manufacturers warranty 600 726 221 / 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Opal Corsa 1.2 twinport, auto, 2005 model 5 dr, 2 owners, 93,000kms, A/C, CD, Red, lovely condition throughout 5,450 euros 600

ACCOUNTANTS Are you running a business?

Let us simplify things for you – accountancy, taxes, payroll services and more. We cater for companies and individuals. Established in 1984 on the Costa Blanca.

Call us on 966 923 963 for your first consultation free of charge.

ALARMS

726 221 / 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Peugeot 206 1.4 HDI 5 DR, 2007, 2 owners, 56,000 kms, high spec, alloys, cd, integrated tom tom navigation, met black beautiful condition 6250 euros 600 726 221 / 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Mini one 1.6 90 bhp 2005, 2 owners 55,000 kms FSH, chilli pack, 17" full sport alloys, finished in met blue/black, front fogs, CD, RHD, Spanish registered 5950 euros Also available LHD AUTO MODEL 600 726 221 / 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Ford Festa 1.5 steel 5 dr, 2 owners, 61,000 kms, FSH, Air con, CD, electric windows, front fogs, multi air bag, rear head restraints, rear luggage cover, met silver, beautiful condition, 4950 euros 600 726 221 / 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com Ford Focus 1.6 Trend AUTO Tiptronic 5 dr, 2 owners 63,000 kms, fully serviced, CD, Front Fogs, Rear Head Restraints, remote central locking, electric windows, electric mirrors, rear lug-

BARBER

gage cover, metallic grey 7450 euros 600 726 221 / 965 687 976 www.fwreurocars.com

INSURANCE For all your insurance needs, ie.home, car, health, funeral, travel, etc Excellent cover from Spain´s 5th biggest insurance company, “CASER”. Policies available in English and German. Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from a real person/our friendly staff.

MEDICAL Make the most of private health care and private hospitals, we have great cover and a two tier pricing system to suit your age and pocket.

All policies in English, many English speaking doctors or free translators at your service. Call us now on 966 923 963, and we will call you back with your quote. Caser Health Care .

PROPERTY FOR RENT Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR RENT Large 2 Bed Apartment in Torrevieja Centre furnished with aircon. Holiday lets from mid August at 350€ a week or Long lets from 380€ a Month plus Utilities. Call 618 715 998 (79) Long Let Torrevieja. 2 bedroom park home, washing machine, aircon, TV, DVD,communal bar and pool 275 euros per month plus bills. Tel 617599470 (79) El Chaparel/La Siesta Two bedroom apartment in a quiet gated urbanisation for rent €350 per month plus bills. Reference No 17 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

CAR MECHANICS

ANN SUMMERS

BOUTIQUE AIRPORT COLLECTION

AUCTIONS

BLINDS COMPUTERS ALARMS

AIR CONDITIONING

AUTO ELECTRICIAN

BOARDING KENNELS

CLEANERS

43

Friday, August 17, 2012 Ref 33, Ground floor spacious 2 bedroom apartment, located in Torre la Mata.

Close to all amenities and beach.

3 month rental €300pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 25 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms fully furnished villa to let on a small urb €500 per month plus bills. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops.

Short or long term rental available. Call: 965 707 188

or 626 397 397 Ref: 155, Luxurious Three Bedroom Villa With Private Pool, in Quesada Close to shops and restaurants within a five minute drive, and Guadamar Beach is within a ten minute drive. Short term rental €800PCM. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref 702: Beautiful 2 bedroom apartment, located near los Locos beach, beautifully furnished. Short term rentals from 175€ per week.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apartment in Torrevieja, (near gypsy lane), small balcony, near all amenities and Friday market. €350pcm Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach. There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available. Call: 965

DRAINAGE

707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 117, A Lovely 3 Bedroomed 1st floor apartment on the outskirts of Torrevieja (Mar Azul). The Apartment is in walking distance of the excellent beaches and a good selection of restaurants, shops and bars. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 61, A lovely two bedroomed ground floor apartment, located in the centre of the small Spanish town of Los Montesinos, With a pleasant communal swimming pool adjacent & all amenities in walking distance. Long and short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR SALE Excellent cover for your house and home, includes travel assistance for when you go away. Interesting prices for expats; policies available in English or German. Call 966 923 963 for a quote We urgently require properties for sale or rent in Orihuela Costa & surrounding areas for waiting clients.

Please contact Sitara Properties on 966723437 or 636615716. (77) Lovely Corner property in Novamar V, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Being sold fully furnished

ELECTRICAL REPAIRS

ENERGY SAVER

DAMP PROOFING

ELECTRICIAN

including appliances, Has secure underground parking and faces large oasis communal pool. Walking distance to beach. 139.000 Euros, Call 627 711 155 and quote Ref No. K10 Ground floor duplex, with splendid views. Quiet location in Gran Alacant.

Immaculate condition. Price has just been reduced to 105.000 and includes everything. For viewing call 627 711 155 Ref. No K27 Rare opportunity to purchase on Mediterrania III, Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, Private Parking, F/Furnished, Large communal pools & Tennis courts S/W facing, Dramatically reduced for quick sale to 126.000 euros.

Ref No. K58 Call 627 711 155 for immediate viewing Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Large Kitchen with Galleria, Secure underground parking, Gas Central Heating, Glazed in Porch, Solarium with stunning views.

Viewings absolutely essential. Very large property at reduced price of 190.000 euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627 711 155 Opportunity to purchase at the off plan price of 195.000 euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 Bath Brand new property. Secure underground parking for 2 cars and communal pool.

Situated opposite Gran Alacant and over looks projected golf course. Ref No. K52. 627 711 155 2 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floor duplex. Central heating, Grills, Fully furnished, Glazed in Galleria, 2 communal pools, private parking and walking distance to the Gran Alacant commercial centre. Situated in the popular urbanisation of Puerto Marino. Now only 96,500 euros for quick sale Ref No. K46. 627 711 155 Immaculate ground floor Duplex, 2 beds, 2 bath, Private Parking, Situated in Novamar, Gran Alacant.

Price includes very tasteful furniture and white goods.

Walking distance to all local amenities and beach. Now only 129,750 euros. Ref No K24. 627 711 155 Gran Alacant Detached villa, located in a very sought after location.Situated on a

560m2 S/W facing plot and constructed in 2005.

Comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (2 full baths), Lounge-Diner, fully equipped Kitchen, Porch and Solarium with Alicante & Sea Views. ref.L81. €258,000 neg.

Tel. 680333242 Ref 533: Lovely 2 bedroom Townhouse located in the popular area of Punta Prima, the property has a large lounge and fully equipped kitchen, 2 double bedrooms, one with balcony, bathroom with double shower. €126,000 Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant Opportunity to purchase a beautiful 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed,large kitchen, detached property with roof- top solarium. Well established gardens and drive way for 2 cars, whilst also overlooking the projected 18 hole golf course.

Comprising of fitted wardrobes, utility room, air con H/C, alarm system, electric wall heaters, intercom system, fireplace, ceilings fans, 8x7 gazebo, use of 2 large communal pools, immaculate condition with many extras. ref K12. €180,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant bargain, detached villa with pool on 400m2 plot. Briefly comprising of 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, Lounge Diner, independent kitchen, solarium with views, well maintained gardens. Quiet location yet within walking distance of all amenities. Top quality furni-

FAST BROADBAND

ELECTRICIAN

FISHING

ture and appliances included in the price. Extras include, mosquito nets, grills, toldos blinds, built in wardrobes, gas fire, electric heating, ceiling fans, English & Spanish TV, tastefully tiled & graveled garden with irrigation system. ref K43. €229,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant South facing attractive corner house Situated in the sought after urbanization of Monte Faro, this secure gated urbanization offers a stunning oasis pool, with mountain views, tennis courts and football courts. Consisting of 3 double beds with balconies, 2 bathrooms, kitchen leading onto court yard which can easily be converted into an extra room, lounge diner with working fireplace, front garden with private parking for 2 cars. Being sold fully furnishes with white goods, built in 2006 so immaculate condition hardly lived in. Ref K48 €168,000 priced for quick sale Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, Large detached villa with beautiful gardens set on 550m2 plot, built in BBQ area and large 10x6 pool.Comprising of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, Lounge Diner with fire place, Independent Kitchen, air con H/C, Solarium, front porch, converted under build with 3 extra rooms, private covered parking, irrigated gardens, close distance to beach and amenities. Ref. K18 €250,000 Tel 680333242

INTERIOR DESIGN

HAIRDRESSERS

44

Friday, August 17, 2012

Gran Alacant Gem! Fabulous detached Villa, with Alicante sea views to the front and wood land views to the rear, means this immaculate villa is very private and un-overlooked.

Comprising of 2 large bedrooms with fitted wardrobes, 2 bath, large fully equipped kitchen,glazed porch sitting area, solarium, Attractive Pool with cover, well maintained Gardens. Central Heating, Air Con, Ceiling fans, Private Parking, Alarm system, Decorative working Fire Place complete with electric Fire. Outdoor workshop/storage area, Quality Pergola & BBQ. Constructed in 2006, on plot size of 380m2 and being sold fully furnished including

LOCKSMITH

white goods. ref L80. €234,995 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant immaculate villa, 3 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed property maintained to a very high standard inside and out and the interior furnishings are top quality, offering a feeling of luxury and good taste. The plot size is 400m2 and has been beautifully tiles, and graveled and has established palms and plants. Oil fired central heating throughout, log effect fire place, ceiling fans in all rooms, towel heater rails, glazed in shower units, instant hot water, water purifier, free English TV, phone & internet lines, fitted double hanging wardrobes, safe, glazed in front porch, vanity units and much more. The pool is an 8 X 4 m2 salt water pool, meaning maintenance is much easier plus outside toilet and shower. Sea views to front with Greenland views to the rear. ref K51. €245,000 Tel 680333242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 or Visit :

www.villaandvacation.com Balsares is opposite Gran Alacant where the proposed golf course is now being started so this property will virtually be on the golf course, it is an investment not to be missed. The property is on a small gated urbanisation of 18 houses with private underground parking for 2 cars and direct access to the house, communal pool and toilets/changing rooms etc.

The house is brand new and consists of 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, lounge with working fire place, large kitchen 12 m2, large galleria/ utility room, bedroom balcony and front tiled terrace. This property also has a converted under build for an extra lounge or bedroom. ref K52 €198,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles.

It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 510, €70,000.

Bungalow located in San

MOSQIUITO SCREENS

Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: KP3100, €183,000.

Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off-road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool nearby. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment in Aguas Nuevas, within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant, Situated in the "Alto" part of Gran Alacant, this 3 bedroomed, 4th floor apartment, offers luxury accommodation, with absolutely stunning sea views, as well as views of Alicante bay and the famous Santa Barbara Castle.The apartment is 89 square meters with open plan kitchen / living room and includes all electrical appliances & furniture also there is a utility room, open terrace, and private parking.

The urbanisation also offers many communal pools, tennis courts, restaurants and

bars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel 680333242 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Gran Alacant beautiful detached villa with very large pool and within walking distance to the Gran Alacant Commercial Centre.

This villa comprised of 3 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms, lounge-diner, Independent kitchen, roof top storage, solarium, porch & terrace.

Large private pool, BBQ area, established gardens and private terraces, Private Parking, Solarium with Views to Alicante. 450m2 plot, fully furnished including white goods. Located in very quiet desirable road. ref.L96. €255,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, this mid terraced Puerto marino townhouse has been priced low purely for a quick sale.

Briefly comprising of: 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Lounge-Diner, Independent Kitchen with Galleria, Porch area, Front tiled garden, Private gated Parking & the

use of 2 large communal pools Ref. K22 €123,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant villa located in a very quiet area , situated at the end of a cul-de-sac means there is no through traffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2 plot, established large gardens, working fireplace, solar panel for hot water,private parking, south facing great views, fully furnished, fantastic opportunity. ref.

L85. €215,000 Tel 680333242 English / Spanish / Russian estate agents require reasonably prices properties in the Torrevieja and Orihuela Costa area. Complete service including free conveyancing. Tel 647 218 350 www.sunnyspainproperties.com (79) Gran Alacant Town House with a difference.

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Glazed in Porch, Quiet Location, Extra storage areas, and South Facing Private Pool as well as 2 communal pools. Fully Furnished, All mod cons.

Greenland Views and all

PAVING

SURVEYS

TELEVISION

TATTOOS

MASSAGE KENNELS

PETS

POOLS

PERSONAL

MOBILE CAR REPAIRS

PLUMBERS

NEWS AGENTS

POOL TABLES

PLASTERER

45

Friday, August 17, 2012 local amenities close by.

Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros 680 333 242 Beach front Line property, over looks Carabassi Beach, Gran Alacant. 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, Secure Underground Parking, Fully furnished, Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large Communal Pools, Fantastic communal Gardens, Tennis Courts and much more.

125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.

Tel. 627 711 155

Night. Friday Fish Night.

Saturday Steak Night.

Karaoke every Thursday night. Full A La Carte Menu.

Carvery available evenings only (unless pre booked) from 6th till 31st Aug Mon to Friday. CV951 Road to Torremendo..

Call 633154038 for reservations.

All types of Parties Occasions catered for. (79)

RESTAURANT

The installation company www.jovalaccesibilidad.com is looking for independent sales representatives to promote and sell their products throughout the province of Alicante and Murcia.

Essential Spanish and English speaking.

To

EL TORO CARVERY. The Only 7 day a week carvery.

Prices from just 5,50 €.

Monday night Pie Night.

Wednesday Night Spice

arrange an interview, call 966 090 762 (79)

on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor.

WANTED

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are welcome to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (64)

SITUATIONS VACANT

STORAGE

REMOVALS SOLICITORS Need English Speaking Solicitors in Torrevieja? Let us help to solve your problems with debt recovery, divorce, property, accident claims, legalise land. Call us

SEWING

RAG AND BONE MAN

WATER FILTERS

SUN PROTECTION

RECYCLING CLOTHES

UPHOLSTERY

46

Friday, August 17, 2012

Greenside Gossip Aubrey’s pocket guide to the rules of golf…

IVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - golfdavies@gmail.com

HAVE you always thought yourself knowledgeable on golf, particularly on the Rules of the game? Well, there are some facts that you could surprise your golf buddies with - and maybe earn yourself a drink or two.

Let me give you a few questions to kick off with - or should that be Tee Off with?

QUESTION 1: Who was the first golfer to unintentionally hit an approach shot into his own pocket?

ANSWER: Aubrey Boomer in 1923 at. Playing the 8th hole in a tournament at St Anne’s in Scotland, he lined up his shot, swung and lofted the ball into the air. It was lost in the sun - not even his partners saw it. They searched and just as the officials were about to issue a penalty shot for a lost ball, dear Aubrey (pictured

right)felt a solid object in his jacket pocket. Lo and behold it was his ball.

QUESTION 2: What’s the biggest fine for upsetting the Tournament Host?

ANSWER: Mark James in 1978 - £250 at a tournament in Zambia. At the prizegiving ceremony he was given his envelope, ostensibly containing his £1,700 prize money – but in fact empty. It was customary to pay the money in sterling the following day, the giving of envelopes was for the benefit of the gallery.

James tore the top off his envelope, shook it and feigned shock.

The officials did

TITTER ON THE TEE A young ventriloquist is booked to entertain at the Captain’s Dinner.

He's going through his usual run of silly blonde Essex girl jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says: "OK smart arse, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?

“What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?

“It’s blokes like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes and Essex girls but women at large...all in the name of humour."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologise, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this, mister; I'm talking to that little b*****d on your knee!"

not see the funny side and fined him.

QUESTION 3: Most “shots” needed to reach 18 greens.

ANSWER: Captain Robert Pennington’s 29 ‘shots’ in 1933 at Sonning Golf Club, Reading. An RAF pilot, he attempted a high-flying form of golf. From 100 feet over the Sonning Golf Course, he dropped golf balls from his plane, hoping they would land on the green.

He h a d

taken off from Woodley Aerodrome (which Douglas Bader used) close to the course and needed the 29 shots to hit all greens. I know as I used to live close to and played at Sonning - but some 60 odd years later

GAMES GOLFERS PLAY

The more fun-oriented events like corporate outings or charity golf will most likely have a format that allows players with different skill levels to form a team. The allocation of handicaps will make it possible for even the beginning golfer to contribute to the team score.

Here you’ll find a guide to the most popular formats.

SCRAMBLE: Teams can be made up of 3 or 4 players.

Each player tees off. From those shots, the best one is chosen and all team members will play their next shot from that spot. Again, the best shot is chosen and

TIP OF THE WEEK MAKE bath time more fun for the kids as a visit to the beach, by pouring in a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog poo in the bath.

all players hit their next shot from this spot. The team continues in this fashion until the hole is completed.

Sometimes, the use of a set number of tee shots from each team member is required. In this case, the game is also known as golf formats Texas Scramble and Ambrose. Playing Handicaps are added together and divided by 10 for a fourball and by six for a three ball.

FOUR BALL: Is played in 2 teams of 2 players. All players play their own ball for the entire hole (therefore 4 balls). The lowest of the 2 scores per team will count as the team score. This format is also known as 2-person Best Ball or Better Ball.

BEST BALL: Is very similar to Four Ball, but the teams can consist of 2, 3 or 4 players. In each case, the lowest score made by any team member on a hole will be counted as the team score.

FOURSOMES: In a team of 2, players will hit alternate shots until the hole is finished. Player 1 hits the tee shot, player 2 hits the next shot, player 1 the next and so on. On the next hole, player 2 hits the tee shot, player 1 the next, etc. In effect, one player will tee off on the even holes

and one player will tee off on the odd numbered holes, which is why this format is also known as Odds & Evens.

GREENSOMES: Is a combination of 2 other golf formats: Scramble and alternate shot for 2-man teams.

Both players hit a tee shot.

The best shot is chosen and the other player will hit the next shot. The team will continue to hit alternate shots until holed out.

ORANGE BALL (or yellow, pink …): Played by 4person teams. Every player plays the hole with their own ball, but per hole, one player plays the coloured ball.

This ball rotates among the team members per hole: A plays it on hole 1, B plays it on hole 2, C plays it on hole 3, etc. The team score is the total of the score from the coloured ball plus the lowest score of the other 3 balls played.

FLAGS: Each player is given a flag with their name on it. When he has used all his shots he places the flag wherever his ball finishes.

The winner is the player whose flag is closest to the 18th hole.

Whichever you choose, enjoy your golf.

47

Friday, August 17, 2012

The Rob ‘n’ Roon Show HERE we go, here we go, here we go - and for once Manchester United fans can start a new season with renewed confidence after a successful surprise plunge into the transfer market.

Just as we were set to rip into the Glazers for floating our beloved club on the Yank stock market, they steam in with the dosh to sign arguably the best finisher in the Premier League.

If £24m is the price then it's just about right for a 29-yearold striker. For although some label Robin van Persie injury prone I am sure United will get value for money out of him immediately.

As long as he passes that medical and doesn't want to do a Tevez wages-wise, it looks like he will be lining up on Monday night alongside Wayne Rooney against the latter's old club in a combination that should be pure

dynamite.

Arsenal captain Van Persie announced in July he would not extend a deal which was due to expire in June 2013.

And a statement from Old Trafford read: "Manchester United is pleased to announce it has reached agreement for the transfer of Robin Van Persie subject to a medical and the agreement of personal terms. A further announcement will be made in due course."

United will pay £22.5m, with a £1.5m one-off bonus to follow if they win the Premier League or Champions League in the next four years. It is understood Arsenal were willing to make RVP their highest paid player ever, but never actually offered him a new contract.

T h e Netherlands international, who

scored 44 goals in 57 games for club and country last season, maintained he would not discuss his future until after Arsenal's final match at West Brom on May 12. Three days later, he started talks with Gunners boss

Arsene Wenger and chief executive Ivan Gazidis at Wenger's house.

Wenger and Van Persie disagreed on their vision for the club, transfer activity and the team's performance in the 2011-12 campaign. No contract was discussed and Van Persie joined the Dutch squad on May 17 to begin their preparations for Euro 2012.

He announced he would not be extending his contract on July 4 and returned to training on July 17, the same week he was the subject of bids from United, Manchester City and Juventus.

All three offers fell short of Arsenal's valuation they were reluctant to enter formal negotiations until a bid e x c e e d e d £20m, and hoped to hold

out for £25-30m.

United, City and Juventus increased their offers but, of the three, United were the only side Van Persie would consider joining.

Transfers between Arsenal and Man Utd are rare - Viv Anderson was the last to make the move, in 1987, although Mikael Silvestre did go in the other direction in 2008.

It is understood Van Persie was encouraged by the arrivals of Germany forward Lukas Podolski, France striker Olivier Giroud and Spain midfielder Santi Cazorla to the point where he was open to the idea of staying with or without a new contract.

But Wenger pulled him aside shortly before Sunday's friendly victory over Cologne, told him he would be sold if a deal could be reached and informed the Dutchman he was no longer

part of his plans.

Formal discussions between Arsenal and United began immediately, with Gazidis and United chief executive David Gill agreeing a fee of £22.5m on Tuesday, only for it to be vetoed by Wenger as he held out for £25m.

On Wednesday morning, United boss Sir Alex Ferguson called Wenger to offer £23m and Wenger quoted him £24m.

But a compromise was finally reached on Wednesday evening and RVP travelled to Manchester yesterday to discuss terms and begin his medical.

Van Persie was named Professional Footballers' Association and Football Writers' Player of the Year but scored only once as the Netherlands were eliminated at the group stage of Euro 2012.

Torry warm-up abandoned in 40-man chaos Pinatar CF 1 FC Torrevieja 1 A 40-man melee involving players, substitutes and support staff brought an early end to Torry's Wednesday evening clash in San Pedro against group 13 opposition.

The game exploded on the hour after Ernesto was chopped down yet again in the centre circle.

This time he writhed about before sitting up and exchanging words with his assailant, who elected to aggressively poke his head in Ernesto's face and then seemingly stamp on him.

Jorge and Abel brought their not inconsiderable bulks into support of their colleague, whilst the home side responded with an invasion from the bench.

The three officials stood well back and watched, before deciding that their work was done and walking off the pitch.

Pinatar had started in lively mood and gave Torry much to think about in a game refereed by a weak official who applied little control and who ultimately lost all player respect.

It was Ernesto who endured most of the shirt tugging

FRIENDLY WAR!

and "thou shalt not pass" treatment. Although the referee awarded free kicks for these indiscretions that was all he did, communicating to the home side that they could continue in this vein without fear of serious sanction.

Torry took the lead on 35 minutes when Ramiro played a fast and accurate one-two with Ernesto, who skipped into the box and rifled the ball past the helpless keeper.

But six minutes later, the normally competent partnership of Jorge and Rafa in central defence got into all sorts of trouble, allowing not one but two Pinatar attackers to burst through unattended. Manolo darted off his line to narrow the shooting angle only to see the ball pushed forward for the second striker to roll it into the now empty net amid questions as to whether he was offside.

As the Torrevieja players were put through their warm down paces by coach Gines following the abandonment,

a Pinatar player sporting a head bandage once more got his face right into Ernesto, who had seemingly headbutted him in the preceding fracas. He was ushered away by his side's personnel and the war threat lessened.

In the final analysis Torry endured some persistent fouling, notably Ernesto, who will likely be the recipient of much more come the league programme, given he will be the key playmaker. It is to be hoped that the officials will be much more adept that those who had little control over this contest. Nonetheless, discipline within the ranks must be better than witnessed in this "friendly".

Next up it is Orhiuela at the Vicente Garcia on Saturday night with an 8.30pm kick off and a chance to redeem a tarnished reputation (adults €5, under 16s free). It should be a cracker, but this time without the fisticuffs and early finish!

Emergency meeting averts La Liga strike

A SECOND La Liga strike in the space of a year was averted on Tuesday following an extraordinary meeting between Spain’s Professional Football League (LFP) and first and second division clubs in Madrid.

The start of the competition had been threatened by demands from 13 Primera División clubs relating to unpaid television revenues and kick-off times, which this weekend will force Mallorca and

Espanyol on Saturday, Levante and Atlético on Sunday, and Zaragoza and Valladolid on Monday night to take to the field at the unusually late hour of 11pm.

"This weekend there will be soccer," said LFP president José Luis Astiazarán. "We have put the questions we have pending on the table and we have analysed matters of the league itself, its governance and television broadcasts. This week-

end's games will start at the scheduled time."

The meeting was attended by Secretary of State for Sport Miguel Cardenal, who acted as mediator between the LFP and the clubs. However, the group of 13 clubs - Athletic Bilbao, Atlético Madrid, Betis, Celta Vigo, Espanyol, Getafe, Granada, Mallorca, Osasuna, Rayo Vallecano, Real Sociedad, Sevilla and Real Zaragoza - remained frustrated in their battle to

solve the issue of TV rights ownership, which it says has left them in a "situation of serious legal insecurity."

The two broadcasters at the centre of the dispute, Mediapro and Canal +, are locked in a fight to gain control of the rights to show matches.

Last season, Mediapro controlled the rights of a majority of Liga clubs, which ensured that the status quo of splitting the revenue pot remained

intact. It is a well-worn complaint in the Spanish game and an arrangement that a majority of clubs wish to see revoked; under the current model, Real Madrid and Barcelona each receive about €140m a season from the current deal, with Atlético third on €47m. Sevilla receive €32m and smaller clubs, such as Rayo, just €14m.

Spain's is the only league in Europe to operate in this way; the

Premier League, the Bundesliga, Serie A and Ligue 1 all have collective agreements that ensure a more equitable split.

Friday, August 17, 2012

48

THE ONE SHOW

Mourinho may be Special, but the ONLY one? No way Jose!

SO Real Madrid coach Jose Mourinho doesn't want to be called The Special One any more - now he wants to be known as The Only One, allegedly because of all the trophies he has won.

If that is the case which One does that make Sir Alex Ferguson?

Mourinho is a novice in comparison and if he ever does make it to Old Trafford he had better watch his manners around the place especially if he is going to carrying on disrespecting Fergie like that!

Mourinho titled himself a "Special One" when he left Porto to take over at Chelsea in 2004 after winning two Portuguese titles, the Champions League and the UEFA Cup during his tenure in Oporto.

He has lived up to the billing by progressing to two Premier League titles at Chelsea, two Serie A titles and the Champions League with Inter Milan and the Spanish La Liga with Real Madrid.

He has never failed to pick up a trophy in a calendar

STEVE BOTT reports

year during his time as a manager.

"In England, I was presented as the 'Special One'," said Mourinho. "Thanks to God, things have gone well and, whether you like it or not, I am the only one who has won the English, Italian and Spanish championships. So, more than the 'Special One', they must begin to call me the 'Only One'."

"After having won practically everything, as time has passed I have become less self-centred and egocentric," he said. "I have always liked more the joy of other people, those around me. For this, winning with Inter gave me a special pleasure. These are challenges, not personal goals. I also think I could have been a good human resources executive."

Mourinho also claimed that no other side in the world could compete with Real Madrid or Barcelona over a season.

"It is a consequence of the footballing power of the two clubs," he said. "The best team from England or Germany, Holland, or from any other country, the most they could do in Spain would be third place.

"This duel of titans forces the clubs and the players to become better. It is a healthy duel and I enjoy it. The

two clubs are fighting for world football hegemony."

Back in Blighty, it does seem now that Manchester United will make me eat my words of last week and succeed in their battle to land Robin van Persie from Arsenal.

He is seen in some quarters as a much-needed addition to the Old Trafford ranks as Manchester City have greater depth and quality in their squad, plus the extra confidence of coming into the new campaign as champions.

Arsenal are stronger with the additions of Giroud, Cazorla and Podolski but the big issue is whether they can fill the goalscoring void that RVP will leave behind.

Looking at Chelsea, it seems they are making a highstakes gamble in the very attacking approach they are likely to adopt.

It remains to be seen whether they will lack width up top and they might be vulnerable against counterattacks.

Tottenham clearly need to get in some strikers, quickly, while Liverpool under Brendan Rodgers have made positive strides, but a top four finish may still be beyond them this coming season.