Volume 26 - Issue 3

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Frinuis: Anson M. Beard, Jr. • Edward B. Bcnnen, Jr. • Edward B. Bcnncrt Ill • Blairc Bennett • Paul S. Bennett • Gerald Bruck • Jonathan M. Clark • Louise F. Cooper • Perer B. Cooper • Jerry and Rae Court • David Freeman • G<offiy Fried • Sherwin Goldman • Brooks Kelly • Roger !Grwood • Andrew J. KuVleski, Jr. • Lewis E. Lehrman • E. Nobles Lowe • Peter Neill • Julie Perers • Fairfax C. Randal • Nicholas X. Rizopoulos • Arleen and Arthur Sager • Dick and Debbie Sears • Richard Sruelds • Thomas Strong • Elizabeth Tare • Alex and Betsy Torello • Allen and Sarah Warddl • Danid Yergin

TheNewJournal Volume 26, Number 3

The magazine about Yale and New Haven

December 3, 1993

STANDARDS----------------------------------4 About this Issue. __ ..,..r _rt,.,_ - page 28

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pageS

28 Between the Vines: Confessions of a Netsurfer. by David Gerber.

FEATURES ----------~------------------~-----

5 Selling New Haven. by Melissa Moskof. Glossing over an often-grim reality, New Haven 's image-makers hope tourism can rejuvenate the city.

8 Don't Stand So Close to Me. by Jay Porter. Neither social taboos nor Yale regulations can stop students andfaculty .from falling in love. just ask Hazel.

14 Condoms for Kids. by Suzanne Kim. High-flying rhetoric and harsh reality clash in the debate over New Haven 's controversial new sex education curriculum.

19 Shall We Dance? by Omonike Akinyemi. Dancers at Yale struggle to gain respect, fonding, and even space to practice their art.

page 14

page 23

23 Prozac: Prescription for Perfection? by Laura Hodes. Touted as a wonder drug, Prozac has rescued millions from depression. But could it be used to create the perfect Yalie?

Cover Design by Caroline Kim and Jay Poner. The cover phom, by Elena Cherney, was staged. Borh figures are Yale srudenrs.

<Volume 26, Numb..r 3. TIN Nrw joumAI is published r,..., times during the school year by The New Journal at Yale, Inc.• Post Office Box 3383 Yale Scuion, New Haven, CT 06520.

Copyright 1993 by The New Journal at Yale, lnc. All righu reser....d. Reproduction cither in whole or in pan without written ~ission ~fthe publisher and editor-in-chief is prohibited.

ThiS magazine is published by Yale College stUdenu, and Yale University is not responsible for iu conten!S. Ten. t!'ou.san~ copoes of~ wue are distributed free to members of the Yale University community. Tht Nn<~ joumAI is printed by Turley Publications of Palmer, MA. Bookkeeping and bollong servoces aro provoded by Colman Bookkeeping of New Haven, CT. Off'oce address: 305 Crown Street, Office 312. Phone: (203) 432-1957. Subscriptions arc a.-.Uiable to those ouuide the Yale_ community. Rates; One year. $18. Two years, $30. Tht Nnu '"""""encourages letters to the editor and comment on Yale and New Haven ISSUes. Write to Jose Manud Tesoro, Eduonals, 3383 Yale Sc:atoon, New Haven, 06520. All letters for publication must include address and signature. Tht Nrw JoumAI reserves the right to edit all letters for publication.

cr

DECEMBER 3. 1993

THE NEw JouRNAL 3

-AsouT

THIS

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( ( The names have been changed to protect the innocent." H ow many times have we heard that? Did we ever believe it? That stock disclaimer always seems to have a knowing smirk hidden inside. "Nobody's innocent," it seems to say. We resent the implication. ·s o although this issue has its share of pseudonyms, we don't think they speak to the guilt or innocence of those involved.

Names are all about identity. Often, our sources reveal things about the~selves and their lives that stretch the very limits of identity: people are defined by what they say.

Certain statements have the power to alter the way a person views him- or herself, not to mention the way that others view that person. For these reasons, we always offer the people whose words we use the option of anonymity. A standard journalistic practice, but one that has come under attack recently.

"We know something you don't knovy." That's not what anonymity means to us, although on some level a lot ·of people read that into every pseudonym. Actually, sometimes we don't know: our story "Don't Stand So Close to Me"

proves that. Only Jay Porter knows Hazel's real name, and even he has no idea who Professor X might be.

All the students' names in Suzanne Kim's "Condoms for Kids" are pseudonymous for another reason. After trying in vain to get perm ission to talk to students at Fair Haven Middle School, we were worried about printing the names of the kids who talked to her at the New Haven Public Library. We didn't want to get them in trouble.

Laura Hodes's story about Prozac really made us think about identity. The drug's creators hoped to remedy depression, but they may have stumbled onto a powerful agent for reshaping personality. Some question Prozac's ability to alter a person's identity, but we all know the effect of printing someone's name. So in Laura's piece, we decided that all the students should remain anonymous.

We only had one problem with all these pseudonyms: how to pick the names. After settling on Luke, Emily, Kate, Jack, Jill, Marcus, and a few more, we were thrilled that H azel had the presence. of ~ind to choose her own.

- The Editors

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Selling New Haven Melissa Mosko[

T

im Shriver is full of plans these days. He's cleared New Haven's tourist industry. everything off his d esk to direct preparations for the Across the nation, cities like New Haven are honing 1995 Special Olympics World Games. From his their images, selling them selves as meccas for tourists. office on th e sixteenth fl oor of the New H aven Savi ngs Everyone knows the slogans " I love New York" and Bank Building, he looks out over the Green and envisions a "Virginia is for lovers. " New H aven's promoters do their city mobilized to host more than 500,000 spectators. best to heighten chances that the city will bounce back Winning the bid that w ill from economic d epression. They bring the Games to New H aven recognize that social and economdid not come easily. Boston and ic problems plague the c ity, but Miami both wanted the Games, they still see a glimmer of possibility. but a sm all g roup of New Haveners outdid their rivals. Their The promoters' optimism permeates the image they sell. They enthusiasm and perseverence even overcame local skeptics. " Peopl e package the city as a little bit of everything; you want it, we've got would come up to me after meetings," Shriver remembers. "They it. Rather than catering to specific interests like Mystic seaside tradiwould ask, 'Why are you trying to do this for New Haven? What tion or Williamsburg's living history, advocates for the city believe does New H aven have to offer?"' that there is nothing that New Shriver and his colleagu es have Haven cannot offer. Jim Harvey, two years to prove that they have general manager for the H oliday an answer.

In the office directly below Inn-Yale University said, "New H aven is a multi-cultural city that Shriver's, promoting New Haven does n ot center around a si n gle h as a lot of activities for its size.

It's kind of like a little New York event. At the Greater New Haven C ity."

Chamber of Commerce, it is a "Today the theatre district is long-term, multi-dimensional the entertainment center of th e task. Representatives of local busiState of Connecticut," reads a ness groups, lobbyists, and brochure produced by t h e Chamber employees crowd togethSch iavone Realty and er in o n e office to plan for the Development Corporation. "The rejuvenation of New Haven.

24-hour activity on the streets of Working closely with the the theatre district is testimony Connecticut State Legislature, the Chamber attempts to create a _.___..________.L;;;;;;.u=L_p::Dj-l.,---D...to the rebirth of this important and historical neighborhood in favorable business en vironment downtown New Haven. " that will promote growth and development in the city. In Publicizing high culture never fails to attract potential 1992, they launched a two-year, half-million-dollar advertourists, and New Haven highlights its theater and musetising campaign entitled "Get to Know New Haven." ums with this in mind. Yale's free museums offer tourists a But that's not all the city's doing. New H aven created chance co see internationally-known collections. The the Convention and Visi tors' Information Bureau D epartment of Cultural Affairs even goes so far as to pub(CVIB) this past July to supplement the over-worked lish a guide for tou rists entitled " Public Art in New staff at the Chamber. The CVIB designs brochures, conHaven," to explain the various sculptures and statues vention packages, tours, and guides to promote growth in DECEMBER

3,

1993

TH E NEw JoURNAL

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around the city. The New Haven Jazz Festival, premier symphonies, and nationally-celebrated theater companies are other highlights of city culture, according to the promoters.

Promoters also focus on remnants ·of tradition found in New Haven. The Green and its churches, along with the ,. New Haven Colony Historical Society ~ and historic Wooster Square, lure ~ tourists seeking a glimpse of New England's past. Yale provides an added ~ historical element. ~ "Just look around in any direction -~from our picturesque New England ~ town green and a remarkable diversity 1 of culture and commerce will unfold -~ before you," reads a brochure produced ~ by the New Haven Convention and d Visitors Bureau. "A bounty of restau- · ~ rants and entertainments tempt one ~ and all. Our halls of lvy'd Yale offer cui~ ture and history in a thriving commu~ nity you'll love to visit again and again. ~ You've got to know New Haven."

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a ~ ~ou've got to know New Haven. ~ Looking for the promised city, ..:.; you may not see the New Haven ~ of the promoters' brochures. A walk ~ across the Green from the New Haven ~ Savings Bank Building to New Haven ~ theater district does bring churches and "lvy'd Yale." But along the way, you'll ~ also encounter homeless people begging ~ for change. Empty storefronts on Chapel Street leave shoppers with few options. Theaters remain dark a few nights each week, becoming lively only on some weekend evenings. The num-' ber of suburban shoppers in the city

i

dwindles, leaving sales clerks and waitresses idle. John O'Ricco, co-owner of Raggs Fashions for Men, sums up this problem. "When we moved our store from Westville to New Haven, we lost almost all of our Woodbridge business," he said. "People don't want to come into the city to shop."

Statistics present viable reason for concern about the New Haven behind the image-making. In 1991, 34 people were murdered in New Haven, just one fewer than in Jersey City, a city with 99,000 more people than New Haven.

That same year, 9.3 percent of blacks and 5.3 percent of whites were unemployed. Despite varied promotion projects, poverty and violence persist underneath the slick brochures.

uccessful public relations campaign hinges on shifting the ocus from wonying about the problems of New Haven to highlighting and expanding on existing oppor~unities. "We need to emphasize the strengths and what is positive about the city," Harvey said. "We do not want to dwell on the problems that exist." New Haven, though, will get its money's worth only if such image-making leads to a dollar-for-dollar real benefit by bringing business, tourists, and jobs into the city.

New Haven officials see tourism as one route to accelerating economic development. Special events, like the Miller Street Festival and the New Haven Jazz Festival, demonstrate the positive effect of drawing tourists to New Haven by increasing opportunities and business. The Miller Street Festival alone attracts 300,000 people to down-

town New Haven. Restaurants and entertainers from all over the region come to the Festival to sell their goods and advertise the city. Discussing the Street Festival's economic possibility, Frances Baker, owner of Sugar Magnolia commented, "I definitely think it was helpful. People came back to us saying they discovered us at the Festival."

While special events do attract ·tourists to the citf, their success in promoting New Haven itself seems limited. The events last for fixed periods of time. They do not benefit the overall economy of the city significantly enough to impress potential business investors.

Every year, tennis fans flock to New Haven to watch the Volvo International Tennis Tournament.

These visitors come to eat at the Festival or to listen to jazz, b.ut not "to get to know New Haven"- not to experience the offerings of the city.

Their interest centers around the tournament, not the city. Kristin Madura, Sponsor Coordinator for Jewell Productions, organizer of the Volvo International Tennis Tournament, explained: "Most of the fans who come, come for tennis. But we try to co-promote New·Haven to the people who are drawn to us because, demographically, they are the kind of people who can afford to spend money. As for selling New Haven in particular, it's difficult."

The image-makers minimize their liabilities by turning attention away from the widely acknowledged problems of the city, but almost all agree that there is a larger issue than image keeping the city from achieving its goals.

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SAVE THE Looking down on the city from the sixteenth floor, Shriver thinks a lack of self-confidence in the city's potential pervades New Haven. "If the city can overcome its sense of low expectations, I think there are tremendous resources to be applied to projects." In its crowded office on the floor below, the Chamber of Commerce discusses how ineffective legislation and a faulty work ethic detract from the creation of an environment conducive to business development.

Community leaders question not only the attitudes of citizens or the industriousness of city officials; they challenge the image-makers' basic strategy. In crumbling neighborhoods, residents wonder whether New Haven needs to build up the citizens in the city before considering attracting outsiders.

Shawn Garris, assistant director of the Dixwell Community House, explained, "To bring jobs into the area you have to deal with your human resource base-do you have the talent 'pool to attract Fortune 500 companies?"

Garris has a vision of what the city could do with increased tourist and business revenue. "Money could be used to support recreational activities for youth and seniors, education, and police." Changes like these at the neighborhood level could transform the quality of city life.

The "ifs" and "buts" of the public relations campaign reveal the fragility of image-making as a permanent solution to these city problems. If people buy into the image of the city, then New Haven could be on the path to recovery. But if the public relations campaign is doomed to failure, the money spent on promotion could be used elsewhere, especially in the ciry's disadvantaged neighborhoods.

The Special Olympics campaign points to certain flaws in the way the city relies on outside events for business and community development.

Focusing on one event to transform a city seems to many a narrow plan for DECEMBER 3• 1993

economic development. Shriver acknowledges this. "The Special Olympics is a one-time event. It's not a long-term economic development strategy. It's not a jobs-creation program in the long run. There need to be other supporting efforts to market the city and to move the city forward. " · Even a one-time event may be difficult for New Haven to pull off.

Readying the city in two years for the International Games will challenge New Haven and Special Olympics officials in fundamental ways. Airport renovation, restaurant enlargement, and deepening of the harbor to allow for the cruise ships on which the competitors will stay are visible transformations necessary to provide for the participants and spectators the Games promise to attract. Beyond these physical changes, the demands of the Special Olympics project require cooperation in the community. An infrastructure of supporters and actors will be essential to the event's success. If the Game organizers' cooperation with city officials can mobilize New Haven's own citizens to involve themselves in the effort, this may do far more to improve the city than any glitzy brochures or gimmicky slogans.

The stakes for the Games are high.

The Special Olympics will put New Haven on the tourist maps. City officials hope that once the mechanisms for the Special Olympics are in place, the ciry will be ready for further development in the areas of business and the tourist industry.

When people from around the world arrive in New Haven in 1995, the city will see whether promotion and image-making are enoug~. The ciry's image-makers won New Haven the bid to host the Games. But it is up to New Haven to capitalize on the vitality and opportunity generated by this one spectacular event. ..,.

M~lissa

Mosltof, a junior in Timothy Dwight Co~, is on th~ staffofTNJ.

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7

Don't Stand So Close to Me jay Porter ¡' ' '-VJhen I first m et him , everyW thing w as totally legit, no rm al, whatever. He imp ressed m e very much , but it wasn't until a while later, a long time later, that I actually decided to consider it. I decided to pursue him m y freshman year- when I first got to Yale. Well, 'pursue' is kind of a loaded term, but.... " This is how Hazel, now an upperclassman, describes the beginnings of her first Yale romance. Her story sounds like a thousand others; like the others it features flirtation, a few pivotal glasses of wine, and a kiss that leads into something else. But for H azel, "something else" meant a year and a half of subterfuge, a double life that separated her from friends, parents, and peers. Looking back, Hazel doesn't regret the experience. But she does admit that falling in love with a Yale professor, a man twice her age, changed her life.

Her story offers a passionate perspective on the growing debate about the regulatio n of sexual relationsh ips between st udents and faculty th at has erupted on campuses across the nation. H er words also provide a window into an aspect of the Yale experien ce that many whisper about, but few have the courage to discuss openly.

H azel agreed to an interview somewhat skittishly. She tells me her st ory o n ly u n d er condition of complete anonymity-not so m uch for herself, she says, but to p rotect the man sh e will only refer to as "Professor X." She urges me to be careful, reminds me to watch for details th at migh t give anything away. "He knows right now that I'm talking to you and he's very worried about it, and I promised him that I wou ld be reasonable. But yeah, we're on good terms now." We sit in H azel's airy room on a bright fall day; a gentle breeze blows in through an open window.

She is at ease, b ut chooses h er words carefully.

"We went o ut to d inner to talk about normal studentprofessor th ings. There was n o idea in our minds-or at least in h is m ind- th at there was a nythi n g m o re than th at .... When I mad e m y intentio ns kn own [the second time we went to d inner], I think he was a little surprised ....

At that point I realized that he was interested , but I d on't

think we took it very seriously.... Sore of flirting with a student, but it wasn't going to lead to anything, you know?"

H azel interrupts the narrative of those first days to underscore what is, to her, the crucial fact in their story.

"Let me just say first ?ut-let me be very clear about thishe was not teach ing me, he was not giving me a grade, in my mind there was absolutely no ethical problem whatsoever.... It's not like he was a person who was giving me a grade or being my advisor or anything like that. It wasn't a question of that.

"Afterwards, I went to his place for a night- , cap. I went to his place, and before we went inside he said, 'Hazel, do you realize what you're getting into?'

And I

s a i d 'Professor X, I'm just going in for a nightcap .'

And that was sort of the d ivide. We went in for a nightcap, and it was very clear what was in my m ind, and I kissed him. We kissed, and then I went home." Hazel pauses, takes a sip of her Diet .

Coke, and continues. " I was kind of in shock, like 'I can't believe 1 did this.'

"I talked to him a couple of days later, and he was very concerned, very upser-you know, we had had some wine, obviously-and he said to me, 'We can't, this is bad for you, ch is is bad in terms of Yale, and I think this sho uld be nipped in the bud. I like you a lot, but it's not fair co you~' DECEMBER

3â&#x20AC;˘ 1993

a teacher and his

~vh

or her stud e. en ::1 n Daren dy founded on mut·

Whatever." Hazel becomes demonstrative, quoting Professor X, her voice reflecting a shade of mock gravity.

"And I was very indignant- ! knew what I was getting into.... And he was really adamant. I had to convince him. I said, 'Let's just see what happens.'

He thought because of all the taboos about it that it would be a really awful thing .... We liked each other a lot, so he gave in , with

discuss the many obstacles that they had to consider. Which was more of a problem, I ask, the taboo of dating a professor or the 20-year difference in their ages?

"There were concerns on all fronts. There were concerns about the Yale aspects of it, there were concerns ~cause I was a freshman, and I needed to live my life as a freshman. The age thing was a big concern .... And I'm fairly mature." I nod at this point: it do~sn't take long to see that Hazel is a woman who knows exactly what she's doing.

Mature doesn't quite cover it. She continues. "And I knew there were problems and things, but that wasn't going to stop me from following my heart.

"Once I started getting involved with him, it happened very quickly. Part of the reason-and my life did change very dramatically-was because all of a sudden I had to DECEM8£R

3·

lead an illicit life. We had agreed from day one that people at Yale would not know about this .... And it was very importan-t for him and his position in his department, for people and friends who I knew who were taking his class, for both of our reputations. We didn't know what was going to become of this, and it wasn't worth jeopardizing my reputation as a freshman and his reputation as a teacher for something that may not have ended up to be a big deal."

But it would become a "big deal" quite quickly.

"Within two months, I was spending six out of seven nights a week at his place and it was this extremely incense thing.

And I think it became that intense because we had to keep it a secret, because we couldn't walk down the street together." As Hazel explains what this secrecy meant, something like anger creeps into her voice.

"I had to be very covert and secret, I had co lie co people, and I had to change my habits. He lived in New Haven, and I would walk to his place and be totally paranoid as to who would see me coming from there.... [Other times] I thought people were always watching me. He would pick me up in a very deserted spot so no one would see, and we would never drive through campus, down Elm Street. We would take the long way around, and if I saw someone the street I knew from Yale, I would duck. It was chis big covert thing-it was like we were spies or something." Hazel laughs, shakes her head, and takes a drag on her cigarette.

Was it exhilarating, I ask, the sneaking around?

"Exhilarating? It was a pain in the ass, and it upset me. But it was very necessary." Hazel seems a bit indignant, but I press harder. "Sometimes it was exciting," she relents. "I would go to his office to calk co him occasionally, and I would stand in line with people at his office hours and they were going in to ask him about a paper, and I was going in to ask him where we were going to dinner that night."

And dinner, she explains, meant a drive to a nearby town, a place where no Yalies would see them. A trip to the movies? Forty minutes each way, in his car, with nothing to do but talk.

I ask her ifi}er friends (other than her roommates, who shared her secret) suspected that something was going on. It turns out that "other friends" weren't much of a problem.

"This is the very sad part of the whole experience: because I couldn't tell people about it, I didn't want to make friends.

First of all, you're supposed to ~ making friends all over the place. For me that was a big threat, because if I made a good TH£ NEw jouRNAL 9

1993

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friend, a good girl friend, I would have to tell her about my life, and I ~ldn't tell anyone about my life, so I didn't make any friends outside of the few tight ones I had."

I nod sympathetically, bur I begin to feel a little sordid. I haven't thought much about what Hazel's life must have been like, so I haven't considered how telling me about it might make her feel. The thought occurs to me that if I had a microphone and an

'1 would stand in line with people at his office hours and they were going in to .ask him about a paper, and I was going in to ask him where we were going to dinner that night. ,, audience, I could be Geraldo Rivera, always pressing a litde harder to get the juicy details. But Hazel doesn't seem to mind talking, so I ask what it was like to go home for Christmas. It turns out that shame and inexplicable phone bills were her biggest problems, and that she hated lying to her parents.

"The entire reason I was ashamed was because I had to lie and be secret. I had absolutely no shame that I was seeing this older man."

My Geraldo complex tempered, I want to know more of those details.

Did yo'u fight much? I ask. Hazel smirks, exhales a gray cloud, and nods rapidly, emphatically. "Yeah, we fought.

"We had very dramatic fights-! would try to leave him, and it was always high drama. One of the things we always said was, I would always say, 'Oh, you're my father figure' and he

10

TH E N Ew jouRNAL

would say, 'You're my mid-life crisis.'

And we would just laugh because it was true. We knew it was true.

"We had a fight once where- a big fight-and I was basically going to call it off. It was about three or four months into the relationship and I went to his office and there were students waiting in line for office hours and I went in and shut the door and I whispered, ' You'v~ blown it.' And we tried to have this huge fight , and meanwhile the whole department was all around and there were s tudents outside and nobody knew what was going on. It was potentially a bad situation." Like she said, I think, high drama.

By spring of her freshman year, she says, they felt "completely complicit in each others lives. I can't make friends because I can't tell people and he's got his own single professor life, papers to grade, things like that .... I was sleeping at his house almost every night. We had a very domestic thingyou know, have dinner, watch TV, do some work, go to bed. It wasn't as exciting as everyone would make it out to be. At all."

If it wasn't exciting, it was making Hazel deeply unhappy. "I was so attached to him. It was a bit of a codependent relationship in the sense that I was so miserable feeling I had to lie and not feeling like I could make any friends and I wasn't leading the life I should be .... I ran to the comfort of his arms, and in retrospect I can say I was confused and looking for security and really crazy about this guy and I sort of ran to him and got so hooked up in this side world .... Instead of dealing with all the problems you have as a freshman, I just kind of shoved it all aside. I knew that I was doing that and it made me very, very sad .... But I would not say that I regret my experience at all. I learned so much from it."

As unhappy as she was, Hazel says she never blamed Professor X. "I still haven't changed my mind. I have to be DECEMBER

3· 19 93

responsible for my own actions." This responsibility included knowing that she would have co make a break soon.

The process was compli cated, she explains, because, "We were so rt of each ocher's solace and misery at the same time. " It ended fall of my sophomore year. I went our with him for over a year. I went away for the summer, far away. I kept in couch .... I kept talking to him, and I was just miserable. I had decided char he was the end-all, be-all of my life and I realize now that I was sort of unhealthily obsessed about him too much .... He became a figure for all these conflicting feelings in me. I came back to school and .. .I had new roommates, and one was very social, and I started going out with her more and tried to separate myself a little. I realized how bad the situation was. I couldn't lead this double life. I couldn't have h im pick me up blocks away from the center of campus. I couldn't ' live the lie' an ymore. It wasn't good

'1 do not believe in trying to legislate sexuality.... I think that's wrong. I especially don't think it's the university's job. " for me. It wasn't just 18-year-old and 40-year-old stuff, a lot of it was just having an unhealthy relationship." en it was all over, Hazel ays, "H e understood. He knew all along. He's not stupid. He's an older and wiser guy.

"In terms of having these studentprofessor relationships, I didn't think it was a problem because he wasn't teaching me. And I think that people have co

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be trustworthy on their own accord "But, because of his age and expenot to involve sex and grades-that's rience, and to some degree his just .... " Hazel trails off, but her posmon, his eyes were meaning is clear. "And sex was not the inevitably wider open chan focus of our relationship. I do not mine. Make of that what you will. Does that mean that I ~elieve in trying to legislate sexuality, whether it be homosexuality, whether blame him? Not exactly. it be this sort of relationship, whatevBut I think, in retrospect, er-! think that's wrong. I especially he might have been more don't think it's the university's job to insurmountable in pushdo that. Granted, that is placing a lot ing me away from him. I of faith in the student body and prodon't know, chat's hypo thetical." The way Hazel fessors, that people aren't going to abuse that. I think it's wrong when a ¡ explains it, leaning forward professor, or TA, or someone who's in her chair, it seems fair to grading somebody goes out. I think me. that's wrong, but I'm still not sure if Before I leave, Hazel it's good to try to regulate chat." offers one more lucid Hazel has definite opinions about observation. "People are going to have .sex if they the taboos that kept her relationship in the closet. Without them, "We want co," she says, "and wouldn't have gone out as long as we let's just hope chat did .... Because it was so 'illicit' I had they have th~ presence to separate myself from my normal of mind to do it in the correct' context." life, and it was ultimately more hurtful to me. It might have been the fling I had originally envisioned it as, azel's story preif it could have been out in the open. sents one side of a And that's the exact problem with the complex debate; her taboo on these kinds of relationships, experience seems to argue because you can create a secrecy and a against the kind of regulation shame that's just going to draw peothat schools such as ple together.... Whoever makes these Harvard, William and rules should know. If you love someMary, Amherst, Oberlin, body, you love somebody, and to feel Indiana University, and ashamed of that and feel like that's Stanford have recently your only prize in life is only going to enacted, according to make you fall into it more." an article in the Hazel and I return to her role in September issue of Harper's. initiating the relationship. I think The language of these about words like pursuit and seducpolicies seems tion, but they don't seem co fit. reflect the idea Perhaps sensing chat my mind is wanthat students dering, Hazel grows emphatic. "I need the university made this happen. He had to be conto protect them from the advances of profesvinced. He was not a lecherous professor who was chasing my skirt at all. sors. Several go so far as I convinced him chat we were attractto state chat "voluntary ed to each other and this would be an consent by the stud ent ... is interesting thing. Later I said 'I went suspect," in the words of the into it with my eyes wide open.' I policy ac Tufts. take full responsibility." She pauses.

Most of these regulations rec-

H

12 THE NEW JouRNAL

ognize the distinction between relationships like Hazel's and those situations where a professor becomes involved with a student in one of his or her classes; the latter offense can bring "disciplinary action" (Tufts) or in some cases "dismissal " (Amherst).

Amherst, Oberlin, and Stanford warn professors against 'amorous relationships with any stude nts, even those over whom they have no professional responsibility.

Yale's policy manages to conflate a number of these issues in a corollary to the university's sexual haras~ment code: "Because of the special trust and the inequality of status inherent in the teacher-student relationship, sexual relations between a reacher and his or her student, even when apparently founded on mutual consent, are potentially coercive, and may be so regarded if a complaint of sexual harassment arises. Therefore, those. who teach are advised to recognize the potential problems implicit in such relationships and to avoid them. In a case where a complaint of sexual harassment arises out of such a relationship, the faculty member will bear the burden of overcoming a presumption that the activity was not consensual on the part of the student."

In addition to running the risk of trivializing claims of outright sexual harassment, the policy exposes faculty members to serious risk by presuming their guilt in such situations. Perhaps more importantly, it demeans the entire notion of consent by asserting that if the parDECEMBER

J, 1993

ticipants are of different status, mutual consent could actually mean coercion. This reasoning, if applied to other d ebates about sex on campus, could completely change the rules of the game. Such an extension is unlikely, bur logically sound.

Yale's policy resembles the other universities' in one clear way, however, in stating the belief that students need to be protected from professors, even as it cites the "special trust" between them. By making wolves our of Yale professors, the policy seems to make sheep our of Yale students. In no other arena does the university so

By making wolves out of Yale professors, the policy seems to make sheep out of Yale students. fully absolve students of responsibility for their own actions. And in no other area does university policy so clearly countermand the goals of liberal education: to teach students how to make their own decisions and to live by their own choices.

Hazel knows a few things about making decisions and living by them; it's a lesson she has learned inside and outside the classroom. Perhaps her experience earns her the last word. "I didn't need p rotecting," s h e states firmly. "I was 18 and that's pretty young, but I should be allowed to make my own mistakes or forge my own bonds, and I resent that people a re assuming that I can't handle things. It's parr of life. You learn, love, and move on."

18]

]ay Porter, a junior in Davenport College, is managing editor ofTNJ. Hazel is a pseudonym.

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13

Condoms for Kids Suzanne Kim

T

he advent of AIDS in the early 80s changed forever the terms of the long-running sex education debate.

The threat of America's children dying of AIDS fueled rhe dispute with an urgency that has culminated in a movement that s~eks to begin to educate children beginning in elementary school.

To protect the city's children from the epidemic, the New Haven Public School District has launched full force into AIDS awareness education. Patricia McCann-Vissepo, chair of the Board of Education, refers to a statistic from Yale-New Haven's Pediatric/Adolescent Clinic stating that 1 out 71 of the clinic's patients were HIV positive. Effective December 1, the new plan to make cqndoms available to middle schoolers and high schoolers represents the joint effort of school board and health care providers to prevent further cases of HIV among New Haven's kids.

Apart from the political clamor stand the children in their very real world. They hang out at school, the library, the mall, and talk about the raw facts of their lives. Adult rhetoric is not the issue. Reality is. The kids follow their own reasoning concerning the debate that revolves around the "C-word."

A student can walk into a school clinic and get a condom-provided that the student has obtained parental permission to use the clinic's services-in four schools: Jack i e Robinson Middle School, Roberto Clemente Middle School, Fair Haven Middle School, and Wi lbur Cross High School. Hillhouse High School is preparing to implement the plan in January. Some of those involved in the new program focus on saving New Haven's youth from AIDS at any cost.

"We have it in our power as adults, whether we're church leaders, civic leaders, or mothers and fathers," says Dr. Alvin Novick, professor of biology at Yale. "We have it in our 14 THE NEW jouRNAL

power to save most of these kids."

The Ad H o c HIV/AIDS Ado l escent Task Force, made up of representatives of New Haven's main health-care facilities, pushed aggressively for condom availability this past summer. The proposal came from a concern to address the problems of AIDS in a community where early sexual activity is the norm. The Social and Health Assessment Survey was compiled jointly by the New Haven's Social Development Department and the Yale Child Study Center. It revealed that 28.1 perc-ent ofNew Haven sixth graders, 49.9 percent of eighth graders, and 66 percent of tenth graders are sexually active. In light of the rapid spread of AIDS, reports of early sexual activity have alarmed the adult community.

These numbers translate into the possibility of premature deaths for children.

But these statistics do not necessarily bring AIDS to the minds of students. "The topic of AIDS is not an issue with teenagers. Who you are with and with how many people is the topic. AIDS is the topic with adults," says Jill, a senior at Hillhouse. Sexual activity is a matter of course. AIDS is not a matter of discourse.

Beyond the numbers are the teenagers' everyday observations. "At least 90 percent of the kids at school are having sex, even youngsters, even 11-year-olds, because a lot of kids now look older," says Jill, with a deliberate cadence and a direct gaze. She is careful to clarify that this is not atypical. "It's not just at Hillhouse. It's at all the schools." Marcus, a freshman at Hillhouse, refers to boys touching girls in a sexual manner, "You see boys 'feeling on' girls, and the girls laugh. " But Marcus doesn't. He shakes his head.

J

anet Spinner of the Ad Hoc HIV/AIDS Adolescent Task Force is a midwife specializing in prenatal care.

She comments on the sexual patterns of teenage patients. "It's fascinating because we don't have a kid who one night sleeps with Jeff, the next night with Susie, and the next night with Elizabeth, and so on. Instead, yol.l have serially monogamous relationships. Do you know DECEMBER

3, 1993

what that means?" she asks with measured impatience. grader at Jackie Robinson Middle School, focuses on the "The kid will have a relationship for two monthspractical aspect of condom availability. "It can prevent they're madly in love with them-and they happen to have AIDS from going around. It'll help a lot of people who can't intercourse," she explains at a school-teacher pace. "They afford it and like to have sex," he says. usually don't expect that they will be sexualMarcus believes that sex will haply active. They have intercourse and they 28.1% ofNew Haven pen no matter what; he distinguishes himtend not to protect themselves, and they . self from his peers by addressing the issue have a fight. Sometimes it's after an act of szxth graders, 49.9% of AIDS. "Kids are probably going to have J sex after school, they need condoms. All intercourse because they're so embarrassed .,./' . about having had intercourse. So they break OJ ezg. t. graaers, an of these kids nowadays are having sex. off." The pattern repeats itself. ;:J There's a lot of AIDS," he says.

The kids themselves relate with preci- oo V OJ ,en,, graaers dults say the debate is about AIDS s~on the rules of adolescent sexual behavior. are sexuallv active. )Ill speaks of two trends that she has './ and curbing teenage sexual behavor. Some also say it's about moraliobserved. "If the couple is together they One out ofevery 70 have sex within a month," she says straight. ry. "The )udeo-Christian tradition would fo rwardly. Or, in other cases, the "serial chz/dren may be be opposed to the whole idea from the monogamy" pattern Spinner stresses doesn't . . moral point of view," says Reverend necessarily hold. "Sometimes, they might HJVposztzve Howard Nash of St. Bernadette's Church. mess with one person tonight and three days "I am opposed to making condoms availlater, someone else, like adults would say, a ' one-night able in schools to children of any age. It's not just a question stand,"' says Jill. of ten-year-olds in fifth grade," he says adamantly. Nash constructs his argument on the notion of a hard-and-fast DS education supporters aim for more awareness principle. "The bottom line is that we have the Ten bout the dangers of HIV. The Task Force has been Commandments," he says. "According to the Sixth ctive for the past few years, since an increased num- Commandment, it's wrong for kids to have sex." ber of AIDS cases came to Spinner's attention. "About four "Making condoms available to kids in school sends a years ago, I started noticing that I was diagnosing a signifi- message that I don't want to send," maintains Nash. The cantly high frequency of kids coming out HIV positive," message is this: 'It's all right to have sex."' His voice rises. she says. This led to the Task Force working with the New "No matter what you say, no matter how you disguise it, no Haven Public School District to discuss the epidemic in matter what you tell the children, once you give them a New Haven. "We started to help boost the consciousness condom, you're signifying at least implicit approval of what about the problem," she says. Aggressive reminders to "use a they're doing."

But Jill knows that kids have crossed Nash's bottom line condom" saturate the media in an effort to pierce the public's "consciousness." But did the rhetoricians anticipate and there's no turning back. "It's not telling the kids to go have sex becau5e they're doing it anyway," she says. what kind of response they'd get from kids?

Holly acknowledges that younger and younger kids are Holly, a senior at Hillhouse, murmurs as she talks about the kids in her school. She says kids carry condoms having sex. But that doesn't mean she approves of ten-yearbecause it means they're having sex. Having a condom olds having sex. She feels that a ten-year-old boy may get doesn't mean using a condom. "A lot of boys have condoms the idea that having sex is an option, since he has a condom. to show off, but when it comes down to it, they don't use "I think giving condoms to ten-year-old boys will make them think they have a right to have sex," she says. them," she says.

"Kids at school walk around with big bags of condoms ovick's discourse doesn't touch upon these issues. to sell them. They're not ashamed. They want to show off," The professor who teaches AIDS and Sociery says )ill. instead addresses the realiry that kids are having sex But it's not all about showing off. Anthony, a seventh

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and that AIDS does exist. He argues vehemently that people like Nash are "murd erers." When asked why, he bursts out "Wh y?" with incredulous exasperation. "Because if they oppose . sex education, these kids will die of AIDS. If we do educate them, some of them will survive. They are dooming these kids to die of ignorance. It's that simple."

Abstinence is Nash's answer to the problem of "saving the kids." Giving a kid a condom won't solve anything, . says Nash. "I'm not gonna look at a little kid, who's ten years old or 18 years old and say, 'I'm going to give up on you. You're an animal. Go follow your animal instincts,"' he says. ''I'm going to challenge this person not to have · sex. It's wrong. It's wrong for you."

Novick discredits any expectation that teenagers will stop having sex.

"The likelihood of being able to develop an education program that eliminates sexual activity in teenagers is so remote that I t h ink t h a t only a c r azy perso n

0 u l d think it possible," he argues. "The religious spokespersons don't even stop priests from having sex, so help me."

As a mother of three, the Task Force's Spinner has formulated her n otion of a "good lesson." Spinner's morality lesson doesn't include the Ten Commandments. "The problem is, you don't teach morals in five min-

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16 TK£ NEw JouttNAL

utes," she explains. "You can't say that mother and father are both on drugs just because there's HIV out the re and they go out and have sex with you're never going to have intercourse other people, and the kids see it, they'll again and have anybody listen to do it too," Jill says. "It's the environyou.... One of the things that my kids ment of the household." Strictness learned early on was to protect their little behinds-protect themselves, protect their lives .... That's part of morals."

Kids provide their own answers.

They draw examples from home or their personal beliefs. Marcus doesn't talk about the Ten Commandments or his "little behind." "It's morally wrong for kids to be having sex because they're kids and they're not yet mature," he says.

Sex education can change kids' attitudes, says Marcus. He criticizes the ways boys ·trea~ girls as school. He sees sex education as a means to reform the way the sexes interact, as well as to increase awareness about STD's. "Some of the boys in my school they have very perverted minds," he says. "Sex education will help a little."

Luke, a freshman at Hillho says his opinions about sex originated in his home. He .........:"-.!:*',.,,..,~-'=""'',. says his mom has to ld him "indirectly" that he. shouldn't have sex. "My parents won't allow that," he says. Luke outlines his view of the proper time to begin having sex: "Now, kids should isn't necessarily a negative influence. "I get educated, wait till they're a like that my parents are strict with me. little older, and then decide to set- I don't think that it's true that if your tle down." parents keep you in the house, you'll Marcus's parents have openly go out and be wild," she says. "I think urged him not to become sexually you can learn from the household. " active too soon. They have given him a sense of responsibility for his future. ke, Holly, Marcus, Jill, and "I talk to my parents about sex. My Anthony have little trouble disussing sex. But Spinner mom says, 'Go to college first and make something of your life and make attribu tes much of the controversy sure she doesn't have AIDS and then, over condom availability to people's discomfort with the topic. She speaks of course... " he says.

Jill points ro the effect irresponsi- boldly about the sexuality that she says ble parents may have on their children. the rest of timid America feels so awk"It's also the way the fam ily acts. If the ward discussing. "We use sexuality

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DECEMBER

3· 1993

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across the board to sell j ust about everything in A merica, yet we can't talk about it in a forthright, concrete fashion," she says. The Task Force produced a ten-step plan to introduce

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topics of sexuality. "It's been fascinating to me that I have not gotten the attention of groups like the media, until we said the big 'C- word'-the 'condom' word," she says indignantly.

The "two-sided" attitude toward sex, which Spinner terms it, places teens in a precarious position. "The dilemma is that what we have is a sexuality in our culture that causes stress-like guilt," she says. "It's like 'I'm not supposed to be screwing, but I am.'"

Not everyone has a difficult time with the idea of sex. "It's nothing to be ashamed o£ It's just life," says Marcus.

D ECEMBER 3· 1993

he AIDS education debate has changed its language to address the fact that condoms are not 100 percent effective. "Safe sex" h as now changed to "safer sex."

Nash insists abstinence is the only solution. "If you want to get honest, the surveys, the stats of condom use for preventing AIDS are not really high, which I don't care about because I'm against them anyway," Nash is quick to clarify. "But if you give this to a kid and say, ' O.K., you're safe now,' it's wrong. It's like giving him a life preserver with a hole in it. He's gonna drown .... The only safe sex is no sex."

The kids discuss the topic in the library. Holly and Jill converse on the pro's and con's of condoms as they sit at a long table with college guide books laid out in front of them.

"You're better safe than sorry," says Holly solemnly. Jill sets forth the ever-open option of abstinence. "But it's better not to do it than anything else," she says. Holly concedes that nothing is completely safe. "Condoms aren't 100 percent," she says. "Better not 100 percent, than nothing at all," Jill responds. Holly nods. The core of the argument lays bare. y all accounts, the debate centers on giving condoms to kids.

But Reverend Nash's opposition doesn't end there. He seems most angry when he discusses the politics of the situation-what he views as the undemocratic way the school board voted on the plan on July 26, 1993.

"This is not government for the people, by the people, of the people," says the reverend belligerently. "It's a perfect example of bad government, a few people ramming something down the throat of the majority. It's wrong."

Nash suspects the school board of voting during the summer in order to avoid public debate. "I refer _to July 26, 1993, as a 'day of infamy,'" he says. "That's when the school board

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had its sneak attack on the people of New Haven. They implemented this in the middle of the summer, when people are on vacations, when no one is paying attention to the school board .... This is the most substantial, radical departure from ordinary school matters in my lifetime, and there was no public debate on it. It was just rammed through in the m iddle of the summef. ... They ought to be ashamed of themselves."

Yet Board of Education ch air McCann-Vissepo displays none of the shame Nash seems to think she should. "The truth is, we began hearing testimony about this issue many meetings before the July meeting, when we finally voted on it. T he public had plenty of chance to respond,"

It's not telling the kids to go have sex because they're doing it anyway. says McCann-Vissepo. "There was enough publicity that if parents and community people were really upset about it, they had an opportunity to come and speak to us.''

At no point during the "many meetings" or at the final vote did the framers of the program or its opponents extend an invitation to the kids.

Apparently no one wanted to hear their voices. If the adults had listened, they might have noticed the real contrast in the debate: not the political divide between Nash and Novick, but the gaping gulf between the adults' high-flying rhetoric and the children's first-hand observations.

1111

Suzanne Kim, a sophomore in Saybrook Colkge, is associate editor oJTNJ. Anthony, Holly, fill, Luke, and Marcus. are pseutU1nyms.

DECEMBER 3· 1993

Shall We Dance?

Omonike Akinyemi ( ( ' P J1ve, six, five-six-seven-eight," the teacher shouts.

Tombe, pas de bourree, glissade, jete...The roomul of students begins to move quickly to the music, knowing that each of their movements will be watched and remembered. Tombe, pas de bourree, glissade, jete...When the music stops, sweat drips down their brows.

They know they strive for something for which there are no words. It was as if someone shouted "Dance!" and they heard the call. It was as if the students heard someone say "Don't stop till you know you gonna drop." Tom be, pas de bourree, glissade, jete...The energy of the students fills the performance studio like the feverish steps of !indy-hoppers getting down. Their movements contract and release like the beats of the old drum that set their feet rolling.

For many people the language of dance unlocks a world of artistic exploration. On any given day hundreds of people dance at Yale-in classes at Payne Whitney Gym, in company rehearsals, at parties, and in their own rooms. Yet Yale lacks a context in which to cultivate this art form for students who are most interested. Dancers who come to Yale often face the disappointment of dealing with a university that does not seem to recognize their talents. Many dance groups perform on dangerous cement floors in residential college dining halls. Those who dance off-campus face problems financing productions ineligible for the funds allocated to on-campus theater and music productions. Students who dance at Yale often become so concerned with trying to overcome these setbacks that their goal of dancing gets lost within a struggle for intellectual, academic, and physical space for dance at Yale.

Dance at Yale began with the arrival of women to Yale College in 1969. To accommodate the new "coeds" the university introduced classes in synchronized swimming, modern dance, and ballet at Payne Whitney Gym. Dance, however, took hold more outside the curriculum than within it.

At present, there are at least six dance companies, including ALAAFIA (which means "peace" in Yoruba), which concentrates on African and modern dance; the Ballroom Dance Team; Danceworks, a 40-member dance group; DanceThingy, which focuses on experimental movement and improvisation; Rhythmic Blue, a contemporary street dance group; and Yaledancers, the first dance organization founded at Yale. The non-credit recreational dance program at Payne Whitney includes beginning to advanced levels of ballet and modern dance, as well as classes in ballroom dance, jazz, and creative African dance. Other dance courses DECEMBER 3¡ 1993

have been offered through the residential college seminar program. Ann Cowlin, a dance instructor at Payne Whitney, teaches a college seminar which focuses on kinesiology and anatomy entitled Movement and Mind. This year, representatives of most of Yale's dance organizations have formed the Dance Coalition to act as a collective voice for dance at Yale.

The Dance Coalition seeks to establish an intellectual space for dance at Yale. Barbara Feldman, a dance instructor at Payne Whitney and the Yale School of Drama for nearly 20 years, said, "I think for some reason people used to look at dance solely as entertainment. Somehow people at Yale didn't quite understand dance had its own theory, li t~rature, and technique." A fellow of Silliman College, Feldman has offered a college seminar on dance composition for nine years. Feldman remembers when the university's outlook toward dance was one of concern. During the late 70s and early 80s a faculty committee was looked into incorporating dance courses into an academic department at the drama school. "When I was Dean of Yale College there was a great deal of exploration of how to bring dance to a more prominent position," said Howard Lamar, former president of Yale.

A lack of financial resources shifted the university's attitude to one of ambivalence. "My feeling is that there has been interest and sympathy on the part of the faculty to support a stronger dance program, but little money to do so," said Lamar. Betty Trachtenberg, Dean of Student Affairs and the parent of a professional dancer and dance educator, has expressed interest in working with the Dance Coalition on issues concerning student d ancers, but she does not foresee increased fmancial involvement in dance. The university has never advertised itself as a school for dance, said Trachtenberg. "Students interested in dance must decide whether to come here knowing this," she said. Trachtenberg has advised dance organizations in need of moral and financial support to turn to their alumni.

"I think Yale can't be all things to all people," Feldman said.

"On the other hand, I think that dance the Arcs, but dance has found strength is one of the oldest art forms, if not the through many growing college dance oldest. Dance connects the world of programs. Harvard established a reputable summer and year-round dance science and humanities. It is just a vital program at Radcliffe College which part of the liberal arts background.

"Some of the most enthusiastic attracts noted ballet, modern, jazz, and members of my seminar have been sci- African dance professionals. Princeton einists, actors, musicians, writers-people who have a strong interest in dance but are not necessarily accomplished technicians," said Feldman.

Students can experience dance within dance courses, but for chose who want to expand on previous dance experience, the opportunities are limited.

Some students do what a freshperson did last semester: she decided Yale's lack of dance offerings was too much of an edu- Yaledancers turn loose ai the Educational Center for the Artss cational sacrifice and transferred to a college with an estab- has a number of dance courses for lished dance department. "Someone as credit under the umbrella of a humanitalented as she shouldn't have to be disties program. Vassar awards half credit couraged," said Cowlin, "She needed a for dance technique classes. Wesleyan place where she could be validated." A has a dance major. "The perception of member of Al.AAFIA agreed. "There is dance has changed nationally from the a lot of ignorance here about what media coverage," said Feldman. "If you dance is and what it takes," she said. look at the theater section of any news"The real challenge for dancers at Yale paper, dance is an active part of any is getting past the issue of why we are community setting." here as dancers." Many dancers who The number of performing dance decide to come to Yale realize their groups, the number of advanced decision often becomes a decision to dancers within these groups, and the sacrifice dance for an education. "Why number of students who have pursued can't I get a top education at an Ivy dance in courses indicate a need for League institution and still be allowed academic faculty for dance at Yale. The to. dance seriously?" asked the university currently relies on the recreALAAFIA dancer. ational dance program offered at rhe The validity that dance lacks at gym to meet the needs of all dancers at Yale may come with the creation of an Yale. The program carers to the majoriacademic space within the course of ty of students who come to the dance study. On a national level, the funding classes. "Suppose there is an intermediof dance has been cut by organizations ate/advanced class," Feldman such as the National Endowment for explained, "If ten of the people are 20

THE NEW jOURNAL

intermediate and two advanced dancers show up, it would be inappropriate co teach co the level of the two and exclude the ocher ten."

Both ALAAFIA and Yaledancers have cried to supplement the offerings of the recreational dance program by bringing in guest artists and choreographers. Last year ALAAFIA hired a m!mber of outside artists to teach Iindyhop, jazz, flamenco, and afro-modern dance in order to bring varied cultural dance forms to Yale, and raise money for irs concerts.

S o m e dancers, however, find such an arrangement problematic.

Hiring teachers on a guest basis does not provide the continuity of academic faculty to students.

"Someone comes in for a semester and you never see them again," said Feldman. "I don't think you learn as a student and a. dancer that way."

Without access to a structured academic dance program, dancers at Yale miss out on the chance to share ideas about dance in an open atmosphere, a benefit students in recognized performing and fine arts departments enjoy. "It's interesting co see the work ¡ that other students do," said Kate Schuler (SY '96), a potential art major.

"You get feedback from the professors who see your works in progress. It's hard to be an artist alone." any of the dance groups at Yale are geared toward performing rather than practice.

"The students are trying to do it all alone," said Feldman. "The performance goals are overly ambitious so ¡ that value is put on product rather than

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DECEMBER 3> 1993

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progress. The quality of dance here is uneven. Some people have had enough training to function independently.

Ochers haven't."

Dancers at Yale often call on Feldman and Cowlin to perform the duties of dance faculty, whether to preview a series of pieces before a concert or to advise the choreography of a dance piece. In the last five years Feldman has advised five senior projects and independent stud ies on

dance. "I have literally seen a dozen of my students embark on professional dance careers," she said.

Many students recognize the importance of a dance department to act as a voice for their needs. "A dance department would create an organized dialogue between students, administration, and faculty who dance;" pointed out Kristin Sturner (TD '94), artistic director ofYaledancers. "There should be more sharing and an increased num-

ber of lectures on dance. More collaboration needs to be done between musicians and dancers, actors and dancers, more informal workshops-so that people can watch casually." A department would also provide a conduit for communication and the distribution of funds. "There are many alumni who want to give money to dance at Yale but technically there is no dance department at Yale and therefore no dance at Yale," said Sturner.

THE NEw JouRNAL 21

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Along with an academic space for dance, there is also need for physical space. There is no suitable performance space available to undergraduate dance companies besides the gym's dance studios. Both Yaledancers and ALAAFIA have held their company concerts at theaters off campus. These companies have also encountered·problems funding concerts in the past because of the expense of renting theater space.

At present, th~ two dance studios at the gym are shared by the dance organizations, dance classes, and members of club sports. "The studios are available only during gym hours," said Sturner. "They are not dance-exclusive, so they suffer from lack of maintenance. " The distance from central campus also poses a danger to dancers: one dancer was mugged on the way to the gym.

Timothy Dwight College, however, is now building a dance space with funds from the Greenwich Initiative Prize. An alumnus recently donated funds for the renovation of a dance studio at the gym. ·c

ounting the number of people involved in the dance classes offered at the gym, the undergraduate dance organizations, and the seminars, over 400 people are involved in dance· at Yale. The university has yet to recognize the significance of these numbers. Dance at Yale has grown because of student interest and involvement; yet, without the economic support of the administration, it does not thrive as the other arts at Yale do. It's hard to be an artist alone. Without a more active support network, dance at Yale has little hope for growth beyond the extra-curricular and recreational level. Yet the dedication of many students to the art of dance signals that a day may come when a Yale student will feel that Yale validates her- or him self as a dancer.

Omonik~ Akinynni is a junior in

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1993

Prozac: Prescription for Perfection?

Laura Hodes· rom psychiatrist offices, to magazines, to the bestseller list, to college campuses, people are talking about Prozac. At least 5 million Americans and 10 million people worldwide have taken the antidepressant drug since its introduction in 1988. Last year sales of Prozac earned its maker Eli Lilly $2 billion, setting a new record for the sale of antidepressants. Media reports suggest that general practitioners and college clinics give Prozac out generously to angst-ridd en patients. Prozac's popularity rises from psychiatrists' claims that Prozac not only alleviates depression but increases self-confidence, aggressiveness, and energy, without major side effects. These traits coUld make it desirable to successoriented students, who might see Prozac as a quick means of achieving the Ivy League ethos of inexhaustible energy and an outgoing personality.

The drug's side effects include the jitters, insomnia, nausea, and d ecreased ability to experience orgasm-but none medically serious. Grateful to the drug, few patients complain of side effects or the high cost of two dollars a pill.

Prozac was the first of a class of pharmaceuticals (which also includes the d~:ugs Zoloft and Paxil) called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or "dean" antidepressants. These drugs block the reuptake of serotonin, a chemical receptor in the brain, so that it stays in the synapse longer and continues to transmit, enhancing a feeling of well-being. The older tricyclic antidepressants are still widely used, and are generally as effective as Prozac, but have more side effecrs. But like all antidepressants, Prozac simply does nothing for some patients. Studies suggest that Prozac may successfully treat people with eating disorders, obesity, panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive behavior, and perhaps even PMS. Prozac's darker side taints this success story. Some researchers have expressed concern about Prozac-induced violent murders and suicides. But in one of Lilly's clinical trials, researchers randomly assigned 3,065 depressed patients to Prozac, a placebo, or one of five other antidepressants. At

F

DECEMBI!R 3· 1993

the start of the six-week treatment period, all seven groups were equally prone to suicidal thoughts. By the end, the Prozac group was the least suicidal of the seven. In a oneyear study, researchers at Rush-Presbyterian St. Luke's Medical Center in Chicago monitored 100 Prozac users and found no increase in risk of suicide or violence.

Dr. Peter Kramer, a Yale-trained psychiatrist who treats students at Brown University and the Rhode Island School of Design, raises other controversial issues in his best-seller Listening to Prozac.

Prozac seems to be changing the parameters of what is mental illness and what is normal: if a person responds to Prozac, does this mean his or her prior personality was a disorder? What is the self if a drug can change it? Kramer has seen Prozac alter the personalities of his patients, shifting them to a state of confidence, energy, quickness, and flexibility. Prozac brings out traits, he says, that American society values, traits that lead to success in the competitive world of American business-and perhaps in the competitive world of the Ivy League.

"Prozac seemed to give social confidence to the habitually timid," he writes, "to make the sensitive brash, to lend the introvert the social skills of a salesman." Such a drug sounds like the recipe for the perfect Yalie. If Yalies are accepting Kramer's logic, how many might already be taking Prozac to go from stress to success? itting on a couch in the Calhoun common room, Jack speaks about the depression that led him last year to call University Health Services' (UHS) Mental Hygiene to ask for a referral for a psychiatrist. Physically abused as a child, he cannot remember ever being happy before taking Prozac. When he called for a referral he was taking time off from Yale because his symptoms made him unable to function as a student. "I couldn't do anything," he says. "When I was in the dining hall I would eat by my mysel£ The effort of speaking to anyone, of saying hello to anyone, was enormous. I drank 40 cups of coffee simply to get the energy to

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TH£ NEw jouRNAL 23

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get through the day. I was an emotional hemophiliac.'' He means that a minor comment could make him feel bad for days or weeks.

He speaks wich detachment, viewing his depre~sion as something to be targeted and then eradicated so that his true self will emerge. Patient and doctor become like Pygmalion-together modeling and altering the patient until the patient is satisfied. Jack's doctor prescribed him 20 mg a day after his first visit. Despite an initial buzz three days later, Jack felt no sustained increase in energy, so five weeks later he complained. ''.She recommended we move co 40 mg a day. We did, and within a ft.'W weeks I felt fine," he says. ''I woke up one morning and realized that for the past few days I had felt fine." Like many patients who find relief from Prozac, Jack does not see his doctor for therapy anymore.

His case shows how Prozac alters the relationship between patient and psychiatrist. Patients often go to the doctor with the purpose of taking the drug and lack interest in psychotheraPY¡ According w the Am~rkan journal of Psychiatry, 50 perccnr of the people who visit psychiatrists now are put on medication, and, in what has become common practice, psychiatrists will consult patients only to see if the patient is a candidate for medication.

Jack called Mental Hygiene with the sole intent of obtaining a prescription for an antidepressant. In fact, he disliked his first psychiatrist because the doctor viewed antidepressants only as an adjunct to treatment. "If someone comes into a hospital with multiple stab wounds you don't ask them to recounr the events that led up to their stabbing. You treat the injuries," he argues. "I knew I was depressed. I simply wanted to get better. Whatever led to this biochemical state of not enough serotonin floating around in my brain, the end result was that I needed more . " serotomn.

24

THI! NEW jOURNAL

Jack disagrees with Kramer's contention that Prozac is a drug that acts on personality. "I do nor feel my personality has been transformed," he says. "I feel I've gone from a very sad, morose Jack co a relatively heahhy, moderately happy Jack." He plans to stay on Prozac until a "relatively stressfree period," probably next summer. but not until he feels completdy "better." But taking Prozac has raised questions about himself which make the idea of stopping troublesome. "Jf I go off Prozac," he wonders, "will the things that troubled me trouble me in the same way again?"

Like Jack, Kate, a sophomore, talks in an easy, open manner about her experience with Prozac. Before coming ro college, she had never been depressed. "All my relatives and friends from high school couldn't believe this was happening to me. I was completely stable. I was totally outgoing, friendly, normal." Normal.

Her problems surfaced during shopping period of her freshman year. ..1 think I'd been too dependent on my parents and I couldn't deal with the shock of having to make all those decisions," she says. At Yale she cried constandy. She did not even have the ener-

gy to clean up her roo"m. "I was com-

pletely unmotivated and depressed and finding it hard to do things that would otherwise be thought to be normal."

Kate's faculty adviser suggested she ask about going on Prozac because she needed "something to get over the hump." A Mental Hygiene psychiatrist prescribed her 20 mg a day. "It's not like all of a sudden it completely changes everything for you; it just helps you," she says. "It's like a catalyst to help you cope with the depression, a little push." Prozac did not transform her, she says. "You don't feel you're on a high, you just feel you are normallike you've gotten back to normal."

Last year she saw a psychiatrist once a week at Mental Hygiene and now she sees one in Hamden. She was feeling better by the summer and went off the drug. "I didn't want to take it for a long time," she says. "I sort of decided I wanted to stop when I stopped at the end of the school year."

When she became anxious again during shopping period this year, she recognized the symptoms and did not want to return to the old self she remembered. Knowing what Prozac could do for her, she started to take it ¡ again and continues to do so.

DECEMBER

3¡ 1993

MAIN GARDEN .

Emily, a sophomore, has been clinically depressed since the age of II and has been seeing a therapist since the age of I6. She went through two severe depressions the spring of her freshman year. "I was basically unable to function in my life," she says. "I was sleeping all the time, I had no appetite, and I was totally uninterested in anything in my life." She arranged an intake interview at Mental Hygiene in which a doctor assessed her situation.

After that, she says, the first counselor who saw her "wasn't very helpful because she didn't take what I was going through very seriously." Emily arranged to see a doctor instead. In April she went through a severe weeklong depression and was prescribed Prozac's sister drug Zoloft, which her father takes successfully.

Unlike Jack and Kate, Emily remembers the exact moment when she knew the drug had taken effect, four weeks after she began medication.

"I still remember the moment when it started to work," she says. "I suddenly felt happy and I hadn't felt happy so long that for a moment I d idn't know what I was feeling." She did not know what happiness felt like, a statement that echoes those of many Yale students who complain they never feel happy at Yale. Yet the urgency of her words makes her seem different. "My life has changed in a way I could never have thought po~sible," she says. ''I'm incredibly grateful for Prozac, and for my doctor for prescribing it to me. I have never felt better in my life." She says the drug saved her life. "If it weren't for Prozac I wouldn't be here."

As it has for Jack, the drug has practically replaced psychotherapy for Emily. After her first depression, she saw her psychiatrist at least once a week; now she sees him monthly. She does not plan to stop taking the drug in "the short term." She says, "Eventually I may, but there's a significant history of depression in my fa.mily. It may be a permanent situation. At the moment I don't have any plans to DECEMBER 3· 1993

stop it in the near future."

In her opinion, instead of altering her personality, Prozac helped Emily express her true self. "I think it made me able to be who I am. Depression really muted me. I had a lot of self-hate and self-doubt," she says. "I was never satisfied with my life. I think those things were hampering me ·and not allowing me to be who I am. Now I

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'1 still remember the moment when it started to work. I suddenly felt happy and I hadn't felt happy in so long. " think I have ordinary self-doubt that anyone has, but it's not massive, inhibiting self-doubt that I used to have."

Ordinary self-doubt. Perhaps a certain amount of despair is legitimate.

Yo.ung adulthood has traditionally been seen as a time of confusion, of determining one's identity. Now sopte suggest that Prozac has the power to eliminate angst and foster pleasing emotions. Adolescent confusion may be seen as necessary for maturity, or as a discomfort easily eliminated through Prozac. An article on Prozac in the October issue of Lears says of students, "The brighter they are, the more they have achieved, the more competitive the school they're in, the more stressed they tend to become." Dr. Ghislaine Godenne, professor of psychiatry and director of counseling and psychiatric services at Johns Hopkins Universiry, told L~ar's that more than half of the students she has diagnosed with depression are prescribed Prozac.

Dr. Lorraine Siggins, chief psychiatrist at UHS for five years and a 30year veteran of Mental Hygiene, states only that the department sees "roughly" 12 percent of graduate students at Yale and ten percent of undergradu-

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ates. She is unable to tell what percentage of those students are prescribed medication. " I can't say," she says, shaking her head, "because it really depends clinically on the person. It's really hard, you know, to make general statements." She says that Prozac has helped "a certain number of people," but she does not know how many. She stresses, "You're talking about less than one percent of students." One percent of the undergraduate population is about 50 students. Many more, unmotivated, unhappy, and undiagnosed, might wonder if Prozac is the miracle drug to improve their lives.

There is no one set of regulations at Yale concerning the treatment of students taking Prozac, according to Siggins. "It depends on each individual. It depends on the person's condition." There is no minimum number of times patients must meet with their doctors. "If it seems helpful and someone's been on it for a while, it might make sense to see them every three to four weeks, or something like that," she says. "But more often the person is being prescribed the medication in the context of having therapy here on a weekly basis."

Yale emphasizes therapy, not medication, she says. "Depending on what their problem is we try to help them understand it and to find ways of

What is the selfifa drug can change it? working out their concerns psychologically." She says doctors ask students questions about their symptoms and personal history prior to prescribing medication.

Dr. Dennis Charney, chief of psychiatry at the West Haven Veterans Medical Center, and associate chairman for research in the department of psychology, resorts to prescribing Prozac only if therapy has not been effective. "If you've worked with the DECEMBER 3· 1993

IIII!IJ& patient and tried to work through issues and can't come up with anything and psychotherapy has not been helpful, and given that Prozac is a safe medication," he says, "I might use it to lift the patient's persistent sadness." He says that this is a standard practice but, "you wouldn't typically use Prozac in a person who said, 'You know I'm not sad, I just don't feel like I've realized my potential in life."'

Dr. Larry Price, assistant professor of psychiatry and director of Clinical Neuroscience Research Unit at the Connecticut Medical Health Center, agrees. "We'd rather not give people medication if they don't need it," he says. "Especially among college students under unique stresses having to do with being away for the first time, being with a new peer group." In this case he favors talk therapy instead.

Lilly spokesperson Kelly Weston offers, "For ethical reasons we can only promote the use of the medication for what it's indicated for-depression. " She adds t~at the FDA is determining if Prozac can be prescribed for obsessive-compulsive disorder or bulimia.

She expects them to approve treatment, but until then Prozac is only intended for treating depression.

Unlike psychiatrists and Lilly, general praccictioners may not be so conservative in prescribing psychotropic drugs. Patients go to their regular primary care provider and say they are not feeling happy, have heard about Prozac, and would like to try it. Since Prozac has few serious side effects, the doctor risks little in prescribing Prozac to the patient, even if he or she does not fit the traditional definition of clinically depressed. What are the ramifications of someone being able to go to an M.D. and receive a prescription for Prozac, saving the doctor the time of talking about the problem with the patient, and saving the patient the time of talking about it with a therapist? It is DECEMBER 3, 1993

not a "scheduled" drug, which means the FDA does not regard it as potentially harmful or addictive like morphine, heroin, or Valium.

Scheduled drugs require a triplicate prescription, . :::...one for the pharmicist, ',\ one for the doctor, and one for the State ~ Department of ,-~ Health. Prozac needs ~ :· one prescription; dispensing is straightfQrward and simple.

• J

ramer questions Prozac's use for "healthy" people.

H e coined the term "cosmetic psychopharmacology" for the world Prozac portends, a world in which individuals can change their personalities through drugs to meet society's ideals, a world in which people ingest mood-enhancing drugs just as some athletes inject steroids to achieve.

Prozac's effects on "normal" peop le-people who feel their mood could be improved-remains unclear; but it is definite that Prozac dramatically helps many who fit the standard definition of depression. Jack hopes to return to Yale next year, aware it is not the ideal environment for a depressed person. "It's a stressful place with high expectations," he says "and not necessarily the most nurturing atmosphere."

Prozac's potential to enhance mood and efficiency lures us al l.

Anyone would be attracted to a drug that makes students more apt to face the dreary New Haven rains, withstand stress, and smile while doing it. Prozac has only been around for five .years. If Prozac cannot make people better than normal, the possibility remains that another wonder drug will soon arrive, luring students tempted by the prospect of psychological perfection.

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Laura Hodes, a sophomore in Calhoun Coliege, is on the sta./JofTNJ. jack, Kate, and Emily are pset«kJnyms.

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Confessions of a Netsurfer.=-===========~ ... ¡: D avid Gerber ¡

all me slim. That's what Jay, Toymaker, bap, whoa, Knot, Chron, and storm called me. It's short for (~slim@MINERVA.cis.yale.edu). From the start we hit it off. It went like this:

C

***slim(-slim@MINERVA . cis .yale . edu) has joined channel #bored <whoa> Hi , s l im . . . al . <storm> hey there : ) >Hey guys , what ' s up ? <whoa> Hello? Where is everyone else? <Whoa> Toy? Chron? <whoa> I guess it's just you and me , slim

I had not expected such a warm welcome, at least not quite so soon. I hadn't even said anything yet. Still, -they greeted me eagerly, and my not-so-creative "Hey guys, what's up?" seemed to convince them that I was all right. As the Macintosh screen scrolled with chit-chat, I learned more about my new acquaintances. They were almost all college students, some from California, some from Kansas, one from Cornell. Apparently they had met before. To return the warmth, I was first to greet the next arrival ***bap(JWILLIAMS@Athena . cob . miami . edu) has joined channel #bored >hi Sap <whoa> Sip ! Bop ! Sap ! <toymaker> Sap ! <Jay> Whoa so what do you study at santa cruz? <Jay> or do you? <toymaker> man . <WhOa> I ' m majoring in Comp-Sci <Whoa> I 'm a frosh <Jay> I ' m a senior p sych major >I'm a junior history major <Whoa> history, you must be bored . Just kidd ing. <Whoa> bap? >Actually , I ' d like to try linguistics <toymaker> ling-what? <Jay> Slimmeister , what can you do with a lingwistix degree <Jay> UN? >don't know, maybe journalism <Whoa> Sap? <Jay> I see . . . <Whoa> Hi , Sap? <Whoa> Are you there? ***bap has left channel #bored <Whoa> How rude

28

THE NEw JouRNAL

So this was the Internet, that computer-based, fiberoptic world where friendships were made and broken without the distractions of sight, sound, or touch. "You can be who you really are," Jonathan Lawrence Leger, 16, wrote in Internet World, "let your personality shine through." Since this was my first time on the Net, I Md trouble being anything. Keeping track of who said what, and to whom, provided enough of a challenge. Typing and entering responses before the conversation topic changed was almost impossible.

My friend Moria, a computer assistant, had helped me through a labyrinth of passwords and login ID codes, a process that had taken over 20 minutes because more than 100 other Yale students had already logged on. Moria pointed out that many of them were communicating with other Yalies, and I wondered why they had chosen the computer over a phone call or a personal visit. Once on the Net, Moria left me skimming delightfully through the catalog of over 600 coiwersation channels that make up IRC (Internet Relay Chat), the Net social appendage where a lot of college students spend their time while on the system. The number of current participants followed each channel name, and sometimes a discussion topic followed as well. It looked something like this: #SeaFood 1 #disney no violence , nudity or bad language allowed #malaysia 54 #cana da NUDE '!WISTER PARTY TONIGHT #sex 29 LIFE SUCKS!! SO DOES PHYSICS #Sweden 4 Land of cOnFuSiOn! # [$8$0$- [ (

Moria warned me that this last channel was private, and that the channel operator had to invite me to join. N o worry-there were hundreds of open channels, with knowledgeable and friendly users who could tell me more about this place called cyberspace.

I noticed that #malaysia had drawn by far the largest crowd. I had read about foreign freedom fighters, like those journalists in Russia and Yugoslavia who had sent their reports on the Internet when all other avenues had been closed to them. Perhaps I had found their Asian counterparts. I decided to find out: /join #malaysia. *** slim(-slim@MINERVA . cis .yale . edu) has joined channel #malaysia <a ddi> nani nantilah hari rabu kot .. because on tuesday ada kelas pagi D ECEM BER

J,

1993

=-¡

<BULLS> nani, I callll uuuuuuu ... hehehehehe <lalat> nani pleeez le <HET> BIOL : ok geng , pi cari kawar baru <nani> nem : cit!

With over 50 people logged on, #malaysia's conversation zipped along, line after line of indecipherable text slipping onto the bottom of the screen. I sensed that addi, lalat, and company were probably not exchanging news of political developments, but rather personal updates. I had nothing to say. I panicked. What if they were saying something about me, about loser Americans who crashed their party? I didn't belong here and I knew it: /leave #malaysia. ***slim(-slim@MINERVA . cis . yale . edu) has left channel #malaysia

Okay. The words stopped flowing. So did m y sweat. I needed a break from eavesdropping. nternet founders probably never envisioned an international cartel of bored college students when, back in 1969, they set up the utilitarian ARPANET, a U.S. Defense Department network for military research. Fifteen years later, the National Science Foundation's NSFNET opened up access to networks, which previously had been limited . to computer science researchers, government employees, and government contractors. The NSF offered to connect universities if they promised to spread access to students; and with free use of an otherwise costly system, college students make up a significant portion of Net users.

On IRC, procr~tination vehicle extraordinaire, everyone is a college student-almost.

I

<Jay> slim where are you stuctying? >Yale <Jay> neat I feel honored to be typing with a Yale fellow <Whoa> me too >no really guys, please <KnOt> Not I <Whoa> Hey Knot, aren't you from Stanford <Knot> nu uh . . >Harvard? *Knot is in high school <Whoa> Not! really , knot? <Knot> Really <Jay> Knot, shouldn ' t you be in bed? ***Nelmar (kateye@ACS . BU . EDU) has joined channel #bored <Jay> Knot , seriously, my friend . A grow DECEMBER J, 1993

ing human needs plenty of REM s leep <Nelmar> I feel so old <whoa> How old are you anyway ? <Knot> I ' m 14! <Jay> no way! >You ' re probably the only one here who has n ' t passed his sexual prime . . <Knot> I ' m not a his, thank you >oops , sorry <whoa> Go girl !

It was then that I learned never to assume anything on the Net. Ordinary circumstances may not offer opportunities for 14-year-old high school girls and 22-year-old college boys to converse, but ordinary circumstances do not apply to the Net. Fortunately, my kind #bored friends understood that, as a Nee neophyte, I was still struggling with the basics. I could barely follow the train of thought on #bored, not to mention all those asterisks and arrows. I needed the experience of a recognized Net master, like my friend Phoebe. She joined me at a computer and tried to explain the Net's nuances.

"I use it far too often," Phoebe confessed. "You meet strange people on the Internet, wacky people. You either get the people who are really depressed, really lonely, or don't fit in. Social misfits. " She could not be calking about my Internet buddies. "Most of the people you talk to on it are at least moderately depressed. I've had people cry on my shoulder." I imagined salty drops condensing on her monitor. "It fosters escape from the real world.

"I have hangouts," Phoebe cold me as she joined #Kill.

"The people all know each other. You have inside jokes.

That's one of the advantages of being an IRC regular."

Phoebe showed me the channel roster, and I noticed representatives from Michigan, Ohio, Colorado, California, Virginia, fiew Zealand, and New York. Sometimes a Yale professor logs on, but Phoebe doesn't know who it is. <RINGO> HI ALL <She-hulk> don't yell

With caps for loudness, these experienced Net U;Sers conveyed emotion on the channel. " : ) is a smiley face."

Phoebe pointed to the screen. " ; )-that's a wink. : ( is a frown." I learned that triple asterisks mean an administrative change, like someone joining or leaving, and a single asterisk prefaces the self-narration some Net THE NEw JouRNAL 29

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users prefer to direct dialogue.

Other shortcuts: ROFL (rolls on the floor laughing), BTW (by the way), and IMHO (in my humble opinion). This night, however, no one seemed especially humble. <brae> is this the lol lipop channel? <HOTLEZFEM> C'MON BABE!!!

ME AND YOU !!! <Larks> hahahahahaha <Tailgunnr> hmm , what flavors do we have tonight? *HOTLEZFEM GYRATES SUG GESTIVELY IN FRONT OF RINGO . . . <RINGO> WHO SPEAK SPANISH HER?? *Prism* Indeed .. who knows what fate will bring *thoughtful look* <HOTLEZFEM> DONDE ESTA CASA DE PEPE? ***HOTLEZFEM is now known as lockjaw

I was not laughing as heartily as Phoebe. I wanted the warm fuzzies of #bored. "Pick a school." Phoebe turned to me. "Okay, U of Chicago it is." She entered a series of characters and up came a list of all Chicago students presently on the Net-their login names and which channel they had joined. I noticed that one was on #hardsex and wondered if he wanted two hackers from Yale to know his whereabouts. Of course, most Net regulars have accepted the lack of privacy as part of the login process. Basically, being on the Net means being exposed. Even classified government computers, with all their security checks, have had unwelcome visitors.

Because the Internet, actually a conglomeration of hundreds of local computer networks, reaches over 50 coun..tries, locating and punishing these hackers can be tough, especially those who route their calls thro\lgh the Netherlands, where no laws regulating computer access exist.

I don't think Phoebe had such grand designs, although she did enjoy

devices suitable for international espionage. At will, she ignored RINGO (RINGO's entries did not appear on Phoebe's computer). She directed private remarks to Prism that no one else received. She observed two channels simultaneously. If she missed something, she scrolled back the conversation, a wire tapper in a time machine.

Maybe she had found me the other night, retraced my series of mistakes, and shown them ..to her ruthless Net companions for amusement.

I had seen enough snooping for one night, so I thanked Phoebe and found my own computer. Quiet students, typing furiously, packed the computer room, though midnight had already passed. No one ever looked up or talked to anyone else, but from time to time someone would burst out laughing, then quickly stifle it. This time around I wanted channels that promised support. Hoping to find my friends whoa and Jay again-they had treated me so well-I hopped on #bored. But this time I found only Art-Hat, engaged in what seemed to be a monologue on the fate of the shoe. This would not do. I wanted people I could trust. ***slim(-slim@MINERVA . ci s .ya'le . edu) has joined channel #Gospel <Treese> hi slim >hi there, have I come to the right place? <Treese> depends on what you consider right? >Well, I'm new to the Internet ; i'm just looking for some folks who can understand me > : )

<Treese> ok <Treese> are you Christian? >what were you discussing before I rudely inter rupted? <Treese> notiH([ <Treese> nothing >oh . . . I see ***slim has left channel #Gospel

DECEMBER 3, 1993

Now I had really blown it. Those #Gospel folks could track me down , find me, discover that I was j ewish. All it would take is a simple /finger slim.

The command would call up my name, year of graduation, and residential college. My recent login timesfor IRC, E-mail, or whatever- would follow. Even without this technique, they could trace m e to Yale from my official domain address (MINERVA cis.yale.edu). "MINERVA" is the name of the computer through which I accessed the Internet; "cis" is the group that created and maintains this computer name; "yale" indicates that this group lies w ithin Yale University; and "edu" designates the domain containing all computers in all U.S. educational institutions.

Other domains include "com" (commercial), "gov," and "mil." Users in these realms generally stay away from IRC and stick with services like USENETNews, the world's largest electronic bulletin board, and ftp (file transfer protocol). With these t ools, they gain access to hundreds of resources: Homebrew Digest (beer recipes), Frequently Asked Questions about becoming an astronaut {courtesy of NASA), the Simpsons archive, Guitar Chords and Tablature, and countless others.

But I was just looking for someone to hang out with. Still traumatized by my self-imposed excommunication from #Gospel', I needed a more relaxed, mellow environment. ***slim(-slim@MINERVA . cis yale . edu) has joined channel #Marijuana ** *Users on #Marijuana : slim Weedbot @SharpBot @Dopebot

>yo > :

I

>il y a quelquun dans la maison? >OU sont les neiges d'an tan? ***Signoff :WeedBot (goren . u .washington . edu penfold . ea . uiuc . edu) >Casey Jones you better DECEMBER 3, 1993

watch your speed >howdy >QUe pasa chicos? >thanks, dudes . . *** slim has left channel #Marijuana Nothing could arouse Weedbot, SharpBot, and DopeBot. I had tried in three languages, waiting afte r each attempt. No response. I pictured the three of them staring blankly at their monitors. Maybe they had slid off their chairs and onto their floors, Maybe they had found some way to communicate that did not require computers. Whateve r the case, they weren't in the mood to talk to me, or to each other. I tried again, this time wishing for some Southern hospitality. ***slim(-slim@MINERVA . cis yale . edu) has joined channel #Texas ***Topic for #Texas : The Finest in Social Intercourse (tm) ***Users on #texas : slim Kkat Javatoo Funball flynn Electra snausages skimbles @Taxman <snausages> see ya ** *JavaMan (rpd 3@ghost wheel . BGA .COM)has joined channel #texas <skimbles> kkat takes you that long? heck mine is already up . <skimbles> i set it up when football starts so the cowboys will win : ) <Kkat> well .... i need to get moine from my par ents house ... .. <JavaMan> how long was that kick, anyone know?

Not even a simple "hi slim." Gone were the days of warm greetings and inclusive conversations. I left skimbles and snausages to their cryptic discussion, wanting to know why they didn't like slim, whom they had never seen, heard, or spoken to. Then I gave it one last shot. Hours before, I had noticed channel #yale, but no one had logged on. Now, after 2:00 am, I joined. ***slim(-slim@MINERVA .cis

yale . edu) has joined channel #yale ***Users on #yale : @slim *** #yale : No topic set yet . * **sl~m has changed the topic on channel #yale to the ivy league blues Still no one home. I created a topic suited to my mood. I waited. A bout ten minutes later, I had company. ** *kjc9(kjc@jambo . cc . col umbia . edu l has joined channel #yale <kjc9> hello? <kjc9> anyone home? >what ' s up kjc9? <kjc9> nothing much >boring Friday night? <kjc9> you know it . <kjc9> where you from? >Toledo, Ohio >and you? <kjc9> miami >do you use the internet every night? <kjc9> no , just messing around with columbianet tonight .

Do you? >im new to this , but i might start <kjc9> How is Yale <kjc9> I heard it looks rickety >smells funny too <kjc9> good old connecti cut

<kjc9> well, got to go . talk to you later *** Signoff : kjc9 (Leaving) The final m essage interrupted me in mid-sentence-"yup. well g-. " kjc9 h ad taken the words right out of my fingers. I too had planned to leave. kj c9 and I had raced, and I had lost.

He or sh e had escaped the void first, and I was alone once again. Out of the N e t 's estimated 30 million users, I could not find one who would talk to me. I had let m y personality shine through all right, right through the computer screen. It was blank.

Ia)

David Gerber, a junior in Trumbull Colkge, is associate editor ojTNJ. THE NEw jouRNAL 31

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