GIRL Magazine | Issue 002 | Summer

SUMMER | ISSUE 002

GIRL

$13.00 (CAD) $10.00 (US) £ 8.00 (UK)

SUMMER KIND OF WONDERFUL

WEL COME

TO GIRL

024 GIRL MAGAZINE ISSUE 002 Editor in Chief/ Founder/ Publisher Daniela Majic Managing Editor Adam Stevenson Contributing Photographers: Daniela Majic Ashley Holloway Alex Franklin Vivienne Mok Maria Panina Jennifer Thomas Chris Scheurich Contributing Writers: Ashley Holloway Daniela Majic Jane Pearce Lauren Pinnington Contributing Stylists: Ali McNally Mark Humphreys Vivienne Mok Contributing Make-up & Hair Artists: Jilly Ijoe Bianca Hart Danielle Gerkins Jessica Kidd Evelina Kirra Cruz Intern: Alex Franklin Other Contributors: Yuting Jin - Production Assistant Denis Liamin -Retouching Submit Writing, Art & Fashion Stories to: girlmagsub@gmail.com www.girlmag.ca GIRL Magazine is published in Ontario, Canada ISSN 2561-6587 ISSN 2561-6595 (Online)

All Rights Reserved. @GIRLMAGAZINE2018. No part of this publication shall be reproduced in whole or in part without permission from the publisher. The views expressed in GIRL are those of respective contributors and not necessarily shared by the publisher.

ISSUE 002 SUMMER

CONTENTS

068 ARTICLES 006 SUMMER SKIN - Editors Diary 008 ME TOO 042 CRAFTING IS ON THE RISE 080 EXISTENTIAL DREAD 082 THE NICE GIRL 084 THE LITTLE THINGS 106 HISTORICAL FEMALE ARTISTS 108 INTROVERTED EXTROVERT 148 GIRL ON AGING FASHION EDITORIALS 010 SUMMER DAYS 024 SECOND NATURE 068 FAITH 086 IN FULL BLOOM 096 SISTER SISTER 110 LUST FOR LAVENDER 122 BETTY IN STRANGE LAND 132 EVERY ROSE HAS IT’S THORN FEATURE / INTERVIEW 038 ALEX FRANKLIN 044 NICOLE RAE 054 RACHEL ROMU

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Cover by Vivienne Mok Styling Make-up by Viveienne Mok

SUMMER SKIN I patiently wait for summer to arrive. As of late we have been having a very cold spring. My garden sits quietly and bare. Remnants of last years hydrangea heads make crackling sounds as the rough winds rustle and shake them. I open this issue on a cold April evening. Dreaming of what these pages will contain as summer begins to set it’s sun kissed days and warm nostalgic nights on us.

Maybe it’s this whole with summer comes newness.

Summer brings those new ideas with it.

As one can imagine, making a magazine is months of work. Our spring issue began in the winter and thus our summer issue begins in spring. Something very magical though starts to happen. The issue begins in my mind as a seed. A simple idea. I spend days creating art for the magazine and it grow s from there. Ideas are written in a small little red booklet I carry around the house constantly. Written words and scribbles then become photoshoots, interviews and other concepts. After months of my eye balls practically bleeding from starring at my computer screen the issue is born and ready to be let out into the world.

I never understood the concept behind Lana Del Rey’s song Summer Time Sadness until now. Maybe it’s not so much that during the summer you feel sad. On the contrary, there are many studies showing the science behind winter blues and saddness. Maybe it’s the fact that summer brings so much new life and new ideas with it. It almost floods us with so much excitement that our brains fill with serotinin and dopamine.

I won’t lie, I stare longingly out the window now almost everyday hoping to see my garden with it’s vibrant pinks and purples aggresively showing me it’s beauty.

I long for those days when the summer sun kisses my skin. Giving me that summer skin smell.

The sun has it’s scientific backing as well. Giving us that vitamin D that keeps our mood in check. Maybe the sadness comes before and after summer. The longing for those hot days and nights after a long winter, and then the longing for them again when fall rears in it’s red and yellow self.

It’s a feeling I cannot describe. When your idea starts as just that. A simple, little seed of an idea. At times even those ideas only ever stay in the mind. Or maybe on a few sheets of paper.

The greatest thing about summer is the fact that the outdoors can become just as cozy as your home. Falling asleep in a hammock or lying on the beach. Walking outside in the middle of the night without the burden of a heavy coat. With summer comes a sense of freedom.

I always said to myself I wasn’t going to write an “Editors Letter”. After all I pretty much never read them in other magazine’s. It’s always gargon about how the issues came to fruition. How far the magazine has come. I didn’t want to do that. Yet now I find myself yearning to talk about this little magazine and what it means to me. I hoped that instead of a typical editors letter I would write these little diary entries. I could tell you stories or I could just write some random thoughts and words. Maybe that would be the best way that one could understand who I am as a person, as a creative and as an editor.

I’m nostalgic for those summer nights, I am nostalgic for camping and the smell of wood burning. I am nostalgic for that sun smell. Summer is a magical time of year. After all it’s not called a midwinters night’s dream.

I know in only a few short weeks my garden will show me the first sign that summer is here. I know everything will happen quickly. I know I need to embrace it all.

This issue will begin to fill with beautiful stories of summer days and nights.

I am going to stick with this whole “ideas” thing. I think I am going to really work that into this issue.

Afterall an idea is why GIRL even exists. So maybe in some form or some small way this will become the issue of ideas.

That makes me happy.

Maybe it’s the fact that spring brings the condition in which summers new life comes fourth. I can see it every year when my garden transitions from springs green to a burst of wild colours. New life and new ideas.

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Me Too by Jane Pearce @poetic.jane

Just as the Lorax speaks for the trees, I speak for those who cannot.

My name is woman, hear me roar.

My name is woman, hear me whisper Sweet nothings into the raven hair Of a man I thought would be my all.

My name is woman, hear me say nothing As a smile is poorly painted on my lips When a man asks me things I cannot repeat.

My name is woman, hear me ramble As I walk home after work at night, On a call with my brother to avoid the drunks.

My name is woman, hear me shudder In a club too loud for my friends to hear My protests as unwanted hands trespass.

My name is woman, hear me hesitate As every offer for a drink I turn away, Fearing that dark rooms and wandering hands follow.

My name is woman, hear me raise my voice To protect the girls who can do so little, To the women who feel so helpless.

My name is woman, hear me refuse to hold my tongue.

Hear me protest and fight and kick and scream.

Hear me roar that I’ll never be silent again.

PHOTOGRAPHY & SYLING BY VIVIENNE MOK MODELS: DEBBIE W @OPTION, DEBORA Z @ SCOUT MODELS & LIA D MAKE-UP & HAIR BY VIVIENNE MOK All clothing available at VIVIENNE MOK PHOTOGRAPHY SHOP

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All Wardrobe Available at VIVIENNE MOK PHOTOGRAPHY SHOP @viviennemokshop “Summer Days” Collection

All Wardrobe Available at VIVIENNE MOK PHOTOGRAPHY SHOP @viviennemokshop “Summer Days” Collection

All Wardrobe Available at VIVIENNE MOK PHOTOGRAPHY SHOP @viviennemokshop “Summer Days” Collection

All Wardrobe Available at VIVIENNE MOK PHOTOGRAPHY SHOP @viviennemokshop “Summer Days” Collection

All Wardrobe Available at VIVIENNE MOK PHOTOGRAPHY SHOP @viviennemokshop “Summer Days” Collection

All Wardrobe Available at VIVIENNE MOK PHOTOGRAPHY SHOP @viviennemokshop “Summer Days” Collection

All Wardrobe Available at VIVIENNE MOK PHOTOGRAPHY SHOP @viviennemokshop “Summer Days” Collection

Matching Blazer & Trousers are BLACKBIRD STUDIOS.CA (Price upon request) Choker by POTROL.CA $42.00 Earrings are Stylists own, Tank by BALLY, Shoes by RODARTE (archive) Opposite page same as this page

Second Nature Photographed & Styled by DANIELA MAJIC Model / ERYN @ Peggi Lepage Models Make-up by JILLY IJOE Photography Assistant & Video by ALEX FRANKLIN Featuring wardrobe by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS

Dress by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($240.00) Flapper coat by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($600.00) Choker by POTROL.CA ($42.00) Bracelet/Ring Cuff

by POTROL, Earrings are Stylists Own

Dress by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($240.00) Flapper coat by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($600.00) Choker by POTROL.CA ($42.00) Bracelet/Ring Cuff by POTROL, Earrings are Stylists Own Shoes are RODARTE X NICHOLAS KIRKWOOD (archive)

Dress by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($240.00), Choker by POTROL.CA ($42.00)

Earrings are Stylists and Models own

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This page & Opposite Dress by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($320.00) Shoes are ALEXANDER MCQUEEN (archive) Earrings & Socks are Stylists Own.

This Page & Opposite: Dress by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($240.00) Choker by POTROL.CA ($42.00) Earrings are Stylsits Own.

Dress by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($280.00) Choker by POTROL.CA ($42.00) Bracelet/ring cuff by POTROL.CA

Image Left: Dress

by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($280.00) Choker by POTROL.CA ($42.00) Shoes by RODARTE (archive)

Image Right: Dress by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($220.00) Criss Cross belt bag by POTROL.CA ($89.00) Earrings are Stylists Own Opposite Page: Dress by BLACKBIRD STUDIOS ($220.00) Earrings are Stylsits Own

Alex

FRANKLIN

GIRL’s intern Alex Franklin’s work takes us on beautiful, nostalgic journeys. As the viewer we feel as though we are looking into little private moments or familiar places from our childhood. Like dreams we vaguely remember but know to be true.

Alex Franklin is currently a student at Sheridan College in Ontario, Canada.

Working on a four year degree. One can clearly see Franklin’s visual eye and talent is beyond her 21 years of age and we know she will have an amazing artistic career.

In this issue of GIRL we feature a small glimpse into Alex’s dreamy world.

Follow Alex online: www.alexfranklinphotography.com @alexfranklinphotography

CRAFTING IS ON THE RISE Written by ASHLEY HOLLOWAY | Art by The Editor

I find myself more and more these days becoming attracted to hobbies and activities that other people my age growing up would have classified as “granny” activities. I’m talking about leisurely pursuits that are strongly based in being hands-on, such as gardening, crocheting, embroidery, cross-stitching, etc. However, I am definitely not the only millennial partaking in such hobbies. I suspect that one of the main reasons this is happening is that we often feel a loss of connection with the real world due to being so strongly connected with social media. These hands-on activities bring us back to the “real” world and help ground us. On a personal level, these kinds of activities are relaxing to me, they help me to focus nervous energy into something productive, plus you can get some pretty fabulous results!

I surveyed a few of my peers who also expressed an interest in “old-fashioned” hobbies and definitely found some of my opinions echoed in their responses! Myranda H., who enjoys crocheting, knitting, and embroidery, said she enjoys working with her hands to create things, but she also brings up that she “love[s] the excitement you get when you remember that it’s there, unfinished, waiting on you to work on it more.” Hobbies really bring an immense sense of gratification as Renae D. puts it, and the hands-on involvement can bring a “sense of relaxation and calm” as you’re “taking time for [your]self ” as another friend, Daniela M. put it. In an increasingly turbulent world with what seems to be a growing amount of anxiety, what could be better than stopping and taking time for yourself? Kacey C. furthered this point with me by saying that for her, sewing “makes [her] feel engrossed and focused,” and she says that “I don’t think about what I am doing BUT the sewing.” I could also relate to Laureen C.’s comment that the focus and the repetition is “almost meditative” to her when it comes to crocheting and knitting.

The majority of the friends I surveyed said they grew up with family members who did these same oldfashioned hobbies as they now do, but many of them said they didn’t learn from these people they watched growing up. Instead, many of them were self-taught, some through books, but the majority through Youtube videos and online tutorials. In the past, I’d dare to guess that most people were taught these skills by family and friends, but perhaps if you didn’t know anybody that did these activities, you would not have had the chance to do them at all! In fact, the internet has exposed a variety of people who might never have had the chance to learn otherwise. So, it might not come as a surprise that many of the people I surveyed also like to put a more contemporary twist on their hobbies. For example, Carla C. says that she likes to use “more traditional stitches [...] to create more modern looking pieces.” Marion M. mentions that her crocheting creations strike a chord between traditional and contemporary, she enjoys making headbands with bows, but also makes extremely contemporary things like laptop covers. Renae D. even says she loves putting a nerdy spin on her crafts by referencing different fandoms!

One other thing that was mentioned a lot in the responses was that they enjoyed using their hobbies to bring joy to others. “Even if it’s small, people enjoy it more because you’ve made it for them,” says Marion C. She also says that her crocheting is a great conversation starter with older people on the metro. Using these crafts and hobbies to connect with older generations I think is something quite special. With a rapidly changing world, it seems as though nothing is the same as it once was, but truly our core desire to put something beautiful into the world is still there and even though we may update it at times, hobbies and artisan crafts are definitely here to stay for the long haul.

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Photographed & Interviewed by Daniela Majic Make-up & Hair by Jilly Ijoe Wardrobe provided by Kitsu Boutique

GIRL: Tell us about yourself?

NICOLE: First name Nicole, middle name Rae. Born and raised in Hamilton, Ontario and proud of it! I’ve been using the term “caffeinated daydreamer” to describe myself because apparently they are phasing out the manic pixie dream girl term these days. I’m an introvert that has an unhealthy love for McDonalds. If anyone were to play me in a movie about my life it would without a doubt be Zoe Kazan (In Your Eyes, The F Word).

GIRL: You have built up an amazing brand and a massive following online. Tell us about when and why you started blogging and how you built your brand?

NICOLE: Thank you! It’s been years in the making. I initially started writing a blog because I loved sharing my opinions on beauty products, movies I have seen, music I love, and more. I had a few friends ask my opinions on products and I thought the best way to share my thoughts to more people would be in the form of a blog. Believe me, I nearly shut it down several times, but I’m glad I didn’t. I enjoy writing even though I may not be the best writer. I never got the best grades on writing assignments in school, and editors would completely rewrite articles I wrote for a school newspaper to take out my personality. Almost two years ago I decided to put a lot more focus and effort into Instagram and I have worked hard to create content that I am proud of. My biggest goal now is quality over quantity. It’s a saying for a reason.

Nicole wears Dress available at KITSU BOUTIQUE kitsu.ca

GIRL: What is a day in the life of Nicole like? Tell us about your process and how you balance life with your blog and reviewing of products.

NICOLE: I am a graphic and web designer by day and a blogger whenever I can fit it in around my work schedule. It usually involves caffeine, and not just one cup of it. When I’m not working or sleeping, I’m listening to music while brainstorming new content for Instagram and the blog. As far as reviewing products, the majority I receive are in the realm of skin care. I take a while to give my opinions because I want to give a proper review, which can take a little while to see your skin adjust to it. If someone ever wanted to know, just simply send me a message and I will give you the information I have.

GIRL: What’s the most challenging thing about running your own brand/blog?

NICOLE: Even though I just made it sound like I have things fairly balanced, it’s still the most challenging to find balance.

Between deadlines and limited time for photos, it can get tricky to manage. Add in some anxiety and it gets worse. Also, when you start out in the blogging/influencer world, you just start saying yes to everything because you love the idea of collaborating with everyone. Balance comes into play when you take a step back and ask yourself if certain collaborations are worth it. You never want to be an advocate for something you don’t believe in or wouldn’t actually use. You have to learn to say no sometimes.

GIRL: What’s the most rewarding?

NICOLE: Making the connections I’ve made with friends, other bloggers, brands and companies. It’s a tough world out there sometimes, so having people that can relate and encourage you is always amazing.

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(Image above & Below) Nicole wears: Erin Mini Dress ($75.00) Available at KITSU BOUTIQUE kitsu.ca

“I thought the best way to share my thoughts to more people would be in the form of a blog. Believe me, I nearly shut it down several times, but I’m glad I didn’t”

Nicole wears: Counting Daisies Embroidery Dress ($185.00) Available at KITSU BOUTIQUE kitsu.ca

This Page: Nicole wears Counting Daisies Embroidery Dress ($185.00) Available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (Opposite Page) Erin Mini Dress ($75.00) Available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca)

GIRL: Do you have any advice for other women/girls who want to start their own blog or brand?

NICOLE: Absolutely just do it! Everyone starts from somewhere. I started mine as a hobby for quite a while before I made something more of it. Stay dedicated, find ways to inspire yourself, and connect with likeminded creatives.

RAPID FIRE QUESTIONS Favourite Colour?

N: Blush Pink Favourite Food?

N: Pasta with my family’s special pasta sauce or french fries.

Best fashion accessory?

N: Confidence - or my sunglasses.

Beauty item you can’t live without?

N: Moisturizer. I’m really focusing a lot more on skin care lately.

Favourite childhood memory?

N: Throughout my childhood, Friday nights were family nights. McDonalds outings, followed by treats and TGIF shows at my grandma’s house. It truly was the best end to a week and kick-off to a weekend.

Something you are afraid of?

N: Not having enough time, in all the different ways you can interpret that.

Someone you admire?

N: The answer is my parents as a team, but I want to give praise to my fiancé because he’s seen me at my highest of highs and lowest of lows and still loves me through and through.

Follow Nicole: www.nicolerae.ca @lovenicolerae (instagram)

Your guilty pleasure?

N: Watching the television show Younger.

I’m proud to watch it, and rewatch it, but guilty for how many people I’ve pushed to also watch this show just so I have a group of people to obsess over it with. I find ways to work my recommendations into everyday conversations.

Best place to shop online?

N: I’d be lying if I didn’t answer Sephora.

What can I say… I’m a creature of habit.

Opposite Page: Nicole wears Counting Daisies Embroidery Dress ($185.00) available at KITSU BOUTIQUE, This Page: Dress Available at KITSU BOUTIQUE kitsu.ca

Photographed & Interviewed by DANIELA MAJIC Make-up/ Hair & Nails by JILLY IJOE Assistant & Video by ALEX FRANKLIN RACHEL is represented by Peggi Lepage Models & Plutino Models Styled by DANIELA MAJIC & JILLY IJOE, Clothing provided by KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca)

Follow Rachel on Social media: Instagram: @rachelromu

GIRL: Tell us about yourself?

R: I grew up in the rural city of Thunder Bay ON. and spent my childhood training as an competitive gymnast. I also started playing the piano at a young age, because I admired my older brother as he was learning the instrument with my Mom. Most of our time together as a family was spent at our cottage that was just thirty minutes from home, and in Ft. Lauderdale FLA. each spring for a number of weeks. I moved to Toronto when I was eighteen to train for the Olympics, as I’d grown too tall for gymnastics and progressed to track and field. The summer of 2010, I’d represented Team Canada at the inaugural Youth Olympics Games, all the while keeping secret that I was in excruciating pain and beginning to suspect that there was something more serious than ‘growing pains’ going on. A lot has gone on between then and now, where I’ve had spine surgery twice, been diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, began working as a freelance Digital Strategist, fashion model, Accessibility Consultant, and musician.

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Rachel wears Sky Cold Shoulder dress ($59.00) Available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca)

Image left: Rachel wears Sky Cold Shoulder dress ($59.00) Available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca) Socks are stylists own, Shoes are BIGTREE Image Below: Rachel wears Dress ($150.00) available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca)

GIRL: You definitely have a full plate on your hands between modelling, being a musician as well as an advocate for those with disabilities in the entertainment industry, how do you balance it all?

R: Balancing everything is a challenge, but I suspect my past as a student athlete has been a factor that has made it possible to manage. Prioritizing comes from focusing in on what I want to accomplish and stacking the list of To-Do’s with that in mind. I want to alter the way disabled people are viewed in this able-bodiedcentric society, so everything I do to a degree has this bullet as the primary focus.

GIRL: Can you tell us more about being an advocate and voice for the disabled community?

R: At the time in which I was battling doctors, as I’d had four bones breaking in my spine that were being dismissed and neglected (diagnosed as “anxiety” without doing any testing or investigation), Interview Magazine had published a shoot by Steven Klein with Kylie Jenner in a wheelchair. This bothered me to the core, as I was beginning to accept that a mobility device was going to be a part of my life; mobility devices and disabilities are not something you can put on as a costume and take off at the end of the moment or statement.

GIRL: What is something that you wish people knew or understood about being disabled in the entertainment industry?

R: I wish people understood the importance of making room for disabled artists and creators, as well as the importance of disability visibility in all walks of life.

We exist, and it’s empowering for us to have people we see ourselves in, but also important for able bodied people to hear from voices other than their own.

GIRL: What interested you in getting into modelling?

R: Modelling came naturally to me, as my past in athletics has it so I am familiar with using my body as my vocation. I was scouted a number of times in my able-bodied teens, but it was only after there would be meaning behind it that I had wanted to get into it professionally. I spent a lot of time flipping through magazines while recovering from my various surgeries, the absence of representation was definitely alienating. Internalized ableism and shame had me shying

away from photos with family and friends, so it’s been a big leap to step in front of the camera.

GIRL: What has been the most challenging and rewarding thing about modelling for you?

R: The most challenging thing is the culture of inaccessibility in the industry - people don’t always consider access when planning a show or shoot, so sometimes I show up and have to make due with more stairs than I really should be doing.

The culture of inaccessibility also comes with coded language in feedback sometimes, such as ‘insurance liability’ - it doesn’t take being called a slur to know at times I’m being viewed differently because I have a disability.

The most rewarding thing is seeing people around me learn, and seeing others from the disabled community psyched up about the work I’m doing. I always feel like ‘we are in this together’, even to folks not in the entertainment industry, because the more able-bodied society becomes accustomed to disabled people being seen, the more we can exist comfortably literally everywhere.

GIRL: Music is clearly a big part of your life - when did your passion for music begin?

R: I started playing music when I was three years old; My mom was teaching my older brother how to play piano, and I’d sneak up to the bench after they were done and copy everything. I later learned to play bass, guitar, ukulele, trombone, and baritone horn, but I’d stopped playing music all together when all of my energy was being focused towards getting a diagnosis, as doctors didn’t take me seriously for many years. I even stopped going to see concerts and shows. It took being at a festival where I’d seen (now friend) Eric Howk on stage with Portugal The Man to have a sense of belonging in music environments again, and took him egging me on for me to go up on stage myself.

Opposite Page: Rachel wears Dress ($150.00) available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca)

This Page: Rachel wears Loka Cold Shoulder Polka Dot dress ($85.00) available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca) Shoes by ALEXANDER MCQUEEN Necklace is stylist own, Bag available at KITSU BOUTIQUE

This Page: Rachel wears Loka Cold Shoulder Polka Dot dress ($85.00) available at KITSU BOUTIQUE Opposite Page: Top is Lohri ($98.00) available at KITSU BOUTIQUE, Trousers are Maya Culotte pants ($45.00) available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca)

GIRL: What might you tell other women with disabilities who might doubt themselves or be nervous about pursuing their dreams/goals?

RAPID FIRE QUESTIONS

R: I’d tell disabled people that they deserve to be seen and deserve to feel like they belong, but ableism, both on an interpersonal level and an institutional level often makes that hard. Misconceptions around disabled people and our capabilities often has society treating us unkind, and those negative attitudes can be internalized. It’s taken a lot for me to feel like any of what I do is possible for myself, but it first took understanding that accommodations are valid, that I deserve to have those needs met, and that although it’s intimidating to communicate ones needs, it puts me in a position to prove the people who thought I was incapable, otherwise.

R: There’s a secluded boat launching point on this river near my house back home that’s my favourite place.

Favourite place to be in the world?

Best childhood memory?

R: I’d spent a lot of time road tripping in the car, growing very close to my brother over Guitar Hero battles and horror films.

Favourite colour?

R: Green Happiness is?

R: Feeling connected Beauty is?

R: Feeling in touch with oneself.

If you had a magic wand, what would you change about the world?

R: I dream of a future where the world is accessible.

Who is someone you admire?

R: I admire Jessie Reyez because she isn’t afraid to share experiences around trauma.

Something you are aftraid of?

R: I’m super afraid of doctors and hospitals, which sucks because I still have to interface with them often. All the years of not being believed has it so I don’t trust them with my well-being.

Your guilty pleasure?

R: I love watching Dance Moms while eating a burrito in an epsom salt bath.

This Page: Rachel wears ICHI Can’t Dress ($79.00) Availabe at KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca)

“I always feel like ‘we are in this together’, even to folks not in the entertainment industry, because the more ablebodied society becomes accustomed to disabled people being seen, the more we can exist comfortably literally everywhere.”

Rachel wears Romper available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca) Shoes by BIGTREE Bag available at KITSU BOUTIQUE

This Page & Opposite Page: Rachel wears: Tank is Luna Chequered singlet ($50.00) available at KITSU BOUTIQUE, Shorts are availablea t Kitsu Boutique (kitsu.ca) Necklace & socks are Stylists own.

faith

Photographed by CHRIS SCHEURICH Styled by ALI MCNALLY Make-up & Hair by BIANCA HART (using MAC Cosmetics) Model | FAITH @ Nomad MGMT 68

Opposite Page & This Page: Top & Skirt

by NIKA TANG, Hat by CLYDE, Earrings are NORA KOGAN

Opposite Page & This Page: Dress by NIKA TANG Earrings by NORA KOGAN, Boots by RON SMITH

This Page & Opposite: Track Suit by CAMILLA, Earrings by NORA KOGAN

Image Above: Coat by SMYTHE, Slip by OLIVIA VON HALLE, Earrings by NORA KOGAN Boots by RON SMITH Image Right: Slip by OLIVIA VON HALLE, Earrings by NORA KOGAN

This Page: Jacket by NIKA TANG, Earrings by LADY GREY

Image left & Image Below: Jacket by NIKA TANG, Earrings by LADY GREY, Boots by RON SMITH

This Page & Opposite page: Jacket & Pants

by SMYTHE, Hat by CLYDE Sandals by ROAM

EXISTENTIAL DREAD

EXISTENTIAL DREAD

Words & Art Work

by The Editor

My husband and I often watch a youtube channel called “In a nut shell” Their bio says that their videos “explain things with optimistic nihilism” Their videos mainly focus on the science behind medicine, life, what is time, the human immune system and even the universe and space. The videos are amazing and the illustrations that go along with them are absolutely fantastic. The entire channel is very thought provoking and professional however, often these videos leave The viewer with the feeling of existential dread. Naturally, I am drawn, (as I suppose many humans are) to videos like In a nutshell’s.

For as long as I can remember I have found myself pondering the meaning of life. Asking myself questions like whether the actions I take and the decisions I make really do have any profound meaning at all. I find myself in a constant state of nostalgia with anxieties and actual dread late at night. This happens as I think about what my family would do if I was to suddenly leave this world or what I would do If they were to suddenly leave me. All of these late night thoughts get tangled into a messy web or panic and sadness or sometimes even liberation and acceptance.

There is a meme that floats around and every once in a while I will see it pop up on my screen. If I can recall it shows the planet earth and says something like “when you are feeling down just remember you are only a speck of dust on a big floating ball” it always makes me smile a bit. It really makes you realize that all the little things we stress out about are completely and utterly pointless. It all exists within our own little worlds that we create and live daily. Our own subconscious.

Okay, Okay I know I am starting to get really deep here and if this isn’t your thing maybe it’s time to flip the page. I understand not everyone wants to think about their own mortality. It’s draining. It really is.

For some of us existential dread plagues us more than others. Are there ways of coping with it? Are there ways we can deal With these thoughts, that everyone who exists will likely ponder the meaning of their life?

An article in Psychology Today suggests that most people deal with these types of thoughts either by denial or repression. It’s easier not to think about something. I mean our brains can only handle so much. An article in the Stanford Daily gives a bit more insight and even offers a few tips to help you cope with the feelings that pondering ones existence can bring fourth.

They suggest Mindless entertainment to help get your mind out of that train of thought. They also suggest getting outside and screaming into the void. Which sounds very exciting. I would personally even say maybe a hobby like painting or exercise/yoga could help with taking your mind off things and making you feel more positive when these thoughts arise.

Perhaps the best piece of advice that they share on the Stanford Daily is a quote by Albert Camus. “Distinguish melancholy from sadness”.

I like to think we are only human and we have many emotions. We are complex and can feel an array of emotions on day to day basis. Melancholy and sadness are definitely part of our existence. Maybe all we really need to do is understand that from time to time we will feel this way. We will feel melancholy and we will ponder the meaning of it all.

So long as those feelings are mixed in with happiness and a positive outlook on life we might just be fine. After all we are Just little specks of dust on a big floating ball. So really there isn’t much to worry about.

Words & Art Work

by The Editor

THE

NICE GIRL

T

he

nice

girl,

what

does

it

mean

to

be

the

nice

girl?

I often wonder if the idea of being too nice comes from a deeply routed place. A place where kids (especially little girls) are taught to “sit pretty and smile”, “cross your legs when you are wearing a dress”, “don’t move or rough house”, “say thank you to everyone who compliments you” or “give so and so a hug” even when you don’t want to. It is one thing to be taught manners as a kid but it’s another to constantly be told not to ruffle any feathers.

I grew up being a nice girl. I didn’t want to ruffle anyone’s feathers and even to this day, well into my 30’s I hate confrontation of any sort. There are rare occasions where my nature to defend someone I love comes out ferociously but for the most part I prefer to turn and walk away. My high anxiety just can’t handle the idea of two people not seeing eye to eye.

There is nothing wrong with being a nice person. We should all strive to be nicer to each other, especially in this worlds social climate. However, sometimes being too nice can lead to problems. One of the main problems someone who is too nice might encounter is never being able to say no and feeling like they are constantly being taken advantage of. I know I have been trapped in this place many times and my own research on this topic has lead me to find that it’s quite common. We may not have established our boundaries well with others and when we don’t do so others may step directly over them.

I recently took therapy classes for my anxiety issues. We learned all about boundaries as it was something that many people in the classes struggled with. Feeling so thinned out by the demands of others without the ability to say no can be the worst feeling in the world. If you don’t establish your boundaries with people many will 1. Assume that you are fine to do whatever they need you to do, or 2. They will just climb right over them.

Sometimes you even make your boundaries clear but your kind nature, bubbly charisma and zest for life can make others become negative towards you. I have been in the line of fire for this. Being nice and happy does not mean you are an easy target and for many who want to take advantage of your kindness they will see it as a weakness.

According to many mental health sources here are a few ways you can tell if you are maybe being a bit too nice. The type of too nice where it effects your mental stability and possibly happiness and life.

Do you always feel the need to say yes? Yes to events, yes to talking to a friend about their problems when maybe you have your own to deal with? Do you avoid confrontation? Do you find your life and calendar are over run with things you really don’t want to do? Do you agree to do every little favour someone asks you to do at work even when you know you have too much of your own work? And lastly do you quietly sit still and not defend yourself or others when you see something very wrong?

All of these are signs that you are playing it too “nice” and this could really be bringing you down and changing the quality of your life. Luckily there are a few ways you can become more assertive whilst remaining a kind person.

Here are a few tricks I have personally learned while taking a course on assertiveness through Anxiety therapy. (There are many tips available online as well) Practice makes perfect Practice saying no to things you don’t want to do. Start with a simple “Unfortunately I won’t be able to make it to your event” (for example) and remember you don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you can’t do something. If you make too much of a fuss for your “no” the person may (without noticing) take advantage of you by thinking that you feel bad for saying no. Take this for example: Friend: Are you able to come to my event on Saturday?

You: Unfortunately I can’t, I just have too much extra work and my family is coming over in the afternoon, so I have to cook for them and also I have to do laundry that has been piling up, I am just so busy. I am so sorry I really wish I could make it, I hate that I have to miss your event.

Friend: Oh wow that’s crazy, maybe after your family leaves you could pop in even for an hour or so, so that way you don’t have to miss the event it seems like you really want to come.

Sometimes, It is okay to let others know the reasons why you are saying no.

Other times it can lead to more confusion. If you are someone who is prone to these types of responses it might be time to try to say no in a much simpler way.

A simple, “I am sorry to miss your event, I won’t be able to make it but I hope you have fun” Is kind but also very stern leaving no openings. But what if someone just won’t take no for an answer then what? Therapists suggest that you say No, over and over again in repetition. Do not budge from this no. It might be the only way to get the message through to someone who is much more aggressive.

When others push like this they generally know that you are easy to take advantage of and will push you. This is where you will be tested and where A simple No repeated several times will help strengthen your assertiveness.

Practicing like this will also help to clear your calendar of things you really don’t want to or have time to do. Remembering to not feel guilty about your no’s is hard but thats something I will get into later.

Be Assertive Being assertive can really help when it comes to dealing with conflicts of any sort. Standing your ground when you internally know that you or someone else are being treated unfairly may make you feel uneasy but the more you do it the more comfortable you will become. Of course, there are times when standing your ground might lead to danger so make sure you go with your gut feeling.

You don’t have to be rude to stand up for yourself. The best thing to do is to use anxiety breathing tricks to help put your body in a state of calm. Taking a deep breath in through your nose pushing your tummy out and letting the breath go through puckered lips. Once you feel the tension leave your body then it’s time to speak up. Remember to hold your ground. Say what you need to say but if there is no resolution it might be time to walk away.

This is still something I find hard to deal with. For many it just doesn’t come naturally, but the more you can practice standing up for yourself and not running away at the first sign of conflict the better you will be in the long run. I recently had a moment like this during one of my jobs. I could feel a moment of conflict arise and my anxiety was very high. I took a few quiet deep breaths and held my ground. It was hard for me to do so because I really dislike altercations of any sort but in the moment I had no other choice but to try to resolve the issue as quickly and neatly as I could. It is hard but it does get easier.

Don’t feel guilty It might be hard to not feel guilty when we let someone down by saying no, or when we actually stand up for ourselves. We might want to say sorry or apologize. We might go home and spend hours thinking about how we dealt with a situation and feel bad about it. It’s difficult to get out of this rut. That might just be because well, you are a nice person so you think about others feelings probably more then you think about your own. It’s time to practice not feeling guilty.

To let go of negative thoughts that make us feel bad about being assertive. Remember there is nothing wrong, mean or rude about setting boundaries and being assertive. Try listening to guided meditations for relaxation and to help you let go of those feelings. Taking a nice long bath or even going for a walk in nature can help you reconnect with yourself.

It’s nice to be nice but it’s also nice to live a happy life. There is only one you and you only get one chance so don’t let other people ruin it.

The Little Things

Story by LAUREN PINNINGTON @laurenpinnington

I huddle beneath a blanket that covers my shoulders down to my feet. It looks like one we used to take on camping trips to Lake Tahoe when I was a kid which makes me think about horrible showers and singed meat cooking on a bonfire.

My toes peek out and I notice that the polish on them is chipped. Beyond that I can see the beach through the window but I can’t hear the ocean as all the windows are shut. I am hermetically sealed inside my Mother’s house and I am always cold despite the sunshine, constant and oppressive. Maybe it’s because my body is in a state of flux that temperature is inconsequential. Days of the week are also this way, time bleeds into itself and things that would normally mark varying points of my day - going to classes and working a couple of shifts at the Sneaker Shack have dissipated.

I am wearing my sister’s expensive gym clothes and standing in my bedroom with what I know to be a sour expression occupying my face. Jesse lowers the turntable needle and low fidelity hip hop permeates the room. The kind that’s funky as opposed to aggressive. I never listen to this type of music.

“Sounds of New York: ‘89?” I shout the name on the record sleeve at him.

“Don’t question the DJ. If you can’t go to Wednesday dance class then it should come to you.”

Jesse arrives and tells me it’s Monday afternoon. He is carrying a VCR and sets to work hooking it up to the big television my father gets very emotional about.

He takes my hands in his and we dance like we’re in an old musical, completely out of rhythm with the beat. He is twirling me round and I don’t care that it’s clumsy because he’s so tall, I only care about the feeling of his smooth palms and his willingness to act completely goofy. I think that I must be in love with him.

“Amanda asked me to apologise to you today, right there in the middle of AP English.” Jesse says, retrieving a stack of videotapes from his backpack. “It was insane, Zooey. She admitted it was her who told everyone you tried to kill yourself then posted about it on Instagram like some millennial Sylvia Plath.”

He doesn’t come and I call his cell phone from the telephone nailed to the wall by the stairs. The receiver is coated in a layer of dust and I wrap the cord around my index finger, holding my breath as it rings out.

“Good.” I say and ask him what he’s doing. He tells me that the tapes contain the aired pilot and a selection of episodes of my very favourite show. The one with the deeply flawed heroine spouting snappy bon mots whilst getting into all sorts of complicated romantic entanglements.

“Are the original commercials on there?” I ask. Jesse nods and gives me that smile where only one side of his mouth turns upward.

I sit by the water raking my fingernails through the sand when I notice the scarring on my wrist has a pearly coloration now. I prod at it but the inspection is interrupted by my name being sung in falsetto and the smell of spicy chorizo and tomato.

“Two for Tuesday.” Jesse announces and sets two large pizza boxes down by my legs.

“My crazy medicine has arrived.” I say.

Later I find an instant message from earlier in the week telling me he won’t be able to visit on Thursday because he is going to the ice rink with Sara. He signs off ‘J’ at the end and that redundancy makes me laugh out loud. It’s the first time I’ve looked at my phone in weeks but instead of reading unopened messages I throw it on the floor and think about Sara’s curly hair and wonder if she ties it back when she enters skating competitions. I remember an ice skating move called the neck breaker and then wonder if I imagined its name.

I am out of the house and it’s Friday evening. I have emerged from my convalescence at last like an escaped firefly. Jesse and I have come to watch an Ernst Lubitsch movie at the art house place downtown. I wait for him at the curb outside the theatre, enjoying the sun caressing the back of my neck as he parks his car. We go inside and he buys me blue raspberry candy they sell from a mason jar at the ticket counter. He holds my hand as soon as the lights go down and I can hear the projector flickering and smell the sweet dampness that lingers throughout the old building.

Photographed by MARIA PANINA Make-up by DANIELLE GERKENS Hair by JESSICA KIDD Model | ANASTASIA SCHEGOL @ Social New York Production Assistant | YUTING JIN Retouched by DENIS LIAMIN @Pinkstudious

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Sister Sister Photographed & Styled

by ASHLEY HOLLOWAY Models | SHERIDAN & ELLA MARKHAM

This Page & Opposite Page: Pink Gown by RENZRAGS Aqua dress is VINTAGE

This Page & Opposite Page: Pink Gown by RENZRAGS Aqua dress is VINTAGE

This Page: Pink Gown by RENZRAGS Aqua dress is VINTAGE Image Right: Blue dress is VINTAGE, Lace dress

by MYSTIC available at MODCLOTH

This Page & Opposite: Blue dress is VINTAGE, Lace dress

by MYSTIC available at MODCLOTH

Opposite & This page: Yellow and Lilac Gowns are VINTAGE

WHERE ARE ALL THE HISTORICAL FEMALE ARTISTS?

Words & Art work

by The Editor

I

t’s 2 am and I can’t fall asleep. I am not sure what brings this thought to mind but I wonder “were there any historical female painters?” I begin a list in my head. “Picaso, Dahli, Monet, Gaudi, Van Gogh”. I realize that the majority of the paintings that I have loved were all painted by males. Of course there is nothing wrong with this. I empathize with any starving artist and many of the ones I just listed were at times actually starving. Van Gogh only sold one painting during his lifetime and it was to a friend and he didn’t even charge that much. Oh, how I can relate.

MADAME LEBRUN: THE ROYAL’S DARLING (Pictured on the title page)

The women, where oh where were the women? So I did my own research. It was quite shocking to find that many of the female painters I stumbled upon were quite successful a revalation to the whole starving artist outlook I mentioned above.

Madame Lebrun went on to paint over 30 portraits of Queen Marie Antoinette and her family. However, after the arrest of the royal family during the French Revolution Le Brun feared for her life and fled to Italy with her daughter. She was able to continue working as a painter in Italy, Austria, Germany and even Russia. She went on to paint many aristocrats which included the King of Poland.

In school it was “name a painter” and everyone would say Picaso or Monet, I wish I could have said Madame Lebrun instead. Yes Of course throughout my research I came up with the one woman who seems to be everyone’s favourite artist to write about, talk about, put on a pedestal and idolize and I almost feel tacky for doing the same. Frido Khalo, came to my mind. Ah, yes okay good a female. But were there others??

Perhaps one of the oldest known female painters we discovered was Elisabeth Vigee Le Brun known as Madame Lebrun. Born in 1755 she was a prominent portrait painter. Her artistic style was somewhat Rococo mixed with neoclassical elements. She mixed the colours of a Rococo palette with the technique of neoclassicalism.

Madame Lebrun was born into an artistic family as her father was also a painter.

Many of Madame Lebrun’s paintings are owned by major museums such as the Louvre and the MET in New York.

FRIDA SELFIE QUEEN (Pictured left below Frida Khalo) If you don’t know who Frida Khalo is you might be living under a rock. Even if you don’t know much about her (like myself before this article) you will recognize her by her unequivocal unibrow. Frida was a Mexican artist who was born in 1907. I guess you could call her one of the first woman to do a selfie. As many of her portraits were of herself. She explored identity, postcolonialsim, gender and race through her folk art style.

MARY CASSATT’S NEW WOMEN (pictured below) Mary Cassatt was born in 1844. She was an American painter and printmaker. Mary focused her impressionist paintings on the private lives of woman. She emphasized the bond between mothers and children. Exploring the life of a women through her art, she could definitely be called an early feminist. Mary’s art was well received in it’s time and some of her artwork was even purchased.

Perhaps Mary’s strongest works occurred in the 1840’s. Many of her paintings depicted women who were successful, highly trained and unmarried. Mary never made any political statements during her time as a painter, however her art has become synonymous with women’s rights and women’s suffrage.

INTROVERTED

EXTROVERT

Words & Collage by The Editor

Is it possible to be a contradiction? An Anomaly of sorts?

We are after all quite complex as humans and though many people will try to put us in a nicely wrapped box many of us feel like we belong in 4 or 5 different nicely wrapped boxes.

Is it possible to be both extroverted and introverted?

Here are a few signs that you might be an introverted extrovert.

1. Your Social energy needs a rest after an outing.

Do you ever feel like even though you had a really fun night out with friends or family you just need a day to recuperate afterwards? Stay in bed just watching Netflix? Refusing to talk to anyone or answer the phone? If it’s a yes then your social energy has been drained and the tank needs to refuel before it’s time to be social again.

2. You have two modes: Social Mode and Alone Mode.

You are either completely social and ready to go out, talk, be the life of the party or you dont want to leave your house and need absolute quiet. There is no middle ground.

3. Your amount of ‘Socialness” depends on the vibe of the environment you are in.

You are either really into the vibe of the bar/ party or event you are attending and in turn your confidence will be high and stress levels low, but if you really aren’t feeling what’s happening around you, you might just shut down completely or ghost out of the situation.

4. You feel introverted but you aren’t shy.

You’re not shy when it comes to meeting new people. Giving your opinions, sticking up for others and you will come out of your shell time and time again. People mistaken you for a leader of the pack, but you wouldn’t know because inside you feel self conscious and constantly question yourself.

5. You are social but only when you want to be.

If the conversation is interesting, the vibe right and you are just feeling it you can be the most social person in the room but if it just doesn’t hit the right note your not into it and will stay quiet and withdrawn.

6. You make friends easily but maintaining new relationships is challenging.

You meet some new friends at a concert one night. You are the first to put out your hand for a hand shake. You talk all night about the meaning of life. It feels like a fever dream

because even after exchanging phone numbers and social media handles you pretty much couldn’t be bothered to talk to them ever again. Not because you don’t like them but because you already have a lot going on and well your social meter is running out.

7. You want to go out and have fun but on your own terms.

You kind of need to know what the outing will entail because you need to mentally, emotionally and physically prepare.

You like a little bit of spontaneity but too much and it’s a ghosts glide home.

8. You are the life of the party and the hermit.

Everyone thinks you’re such a cool, social confident person.

You are out with your friends, the vibe it good. Got a few glasses of wine in you and you are ready to talk about anything, people can’t believe that there is also a side of you that stays in your smelly pj’s all week and doesn’t leave your bed, save for snacking on some Costco cookies.

9.You like people but also hate people.

You are a contradiction! You love having deep conversations, you love talking to people about their life and life experiences, you like working with creative like-minded people. You don’t know what you would do without them. You also hate them. The thought of being with people just annoys you.

10. You love making plans but get anxious when the day rolls around.

You are so excited to go on that road trip with your friends.

It’s all you have been thinking about. You think of all the awesome things you will do, the novelty the pictures you will take. Yet it’s the night before and you still haven’t packed. You feel sick to your stomach and wonder why you plan these things in the first place.

lust for laven der

Photography & Styled by DANIELA MAJIC Make-up / Hair & Nails by JILLY IJOE Model | TAMIA @ Peggi Lepage Video & Assistant | ALEX FRANKLIN Thank you to Weirs Lane Lavender

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Dress is Vintage from the 1970s Crown is by ALTERNATE NORMALITY, Earrings are Stylists own

Opposite Page & This page: Dress is Vintage from 1970’s Crown by ALTERNATE NORMALITY, Shoes

by BIGTREE, Earrings are Stylists Own

Opposite Page & left: Dress is Love of My Life Midi dress ($135.00) available at KITSU BOUTIQUE Earrings are Stylists Own. Bag is The Luna bag ($100.00) available at KISTU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca) Image Below wardrobe is Same as opposite page, bag is by THEIT available by request at lovetheit.com

Opposite Page & This page (left) Dress is Vintage from 1970’s, Earrings are Stylists own. Latex opera gloves by BRIGHTANDSHINYLATEX

Image Right: Dress is Cold Shoulder Dress ($108.00) available at KISTU BOUTIQUE Shoes by BIGTREE Earrings are Stylists Own, Ribbon is GUCCI, Hat is Lspace by SUNDRA

Opposite Page & This Page: Lace Gown is 1970’s vintage made by ILGWU, Earrings are stylists own, Shoes by BIGTREE

Opposite Page & This Page: Dress is TRICOTS DE PARIS (1970s) Earrings are Stylists Own, Shoes by BIGTREE bag is the Luna bag ($100.00) available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (kitsu.ca)

Photographed by JENNIFER THOMAS Styling by MARK HUMPHREYS, Model: BAYLIE BERENDSEN@ TCM Seattle, Make-up & Hair by EVELINA Hair & Make-up by KIRRA CRUZ

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Coat by STEVE EVANS (1980s) Provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Gloves & Suglasses are Stylists Own, Stirrup leggings, Beret & Belt are Vintage 1980’s provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Boots by NINE WEST

Image above: Coat by STEVE EVANS, (1980s) Provided by LIGHT VINTAGE, Gloves & Suglasses are Stylists Own, Beret is Vintage 1980’s provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE

Image Below: Blazer by GIANNI VERSACE (1980s) Provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Gloves are Stylists Own, Rings & Bracelet by MARC JACOBS, Lion ring & Lion Hoop Earrings by CHOCOLATE, Necklace & Trousers are Vintage (1980s) provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Sunglasses by AJ MORGAN

Image Above: Blazer by GIANNI VERSACE (1980s) Provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Gloves are Stylists Own, Rings & Bracelet by MARC JACOBS, Lion ring & Lion Hoop Earrings by CHOCOLATE, Necklace & Trousers are Vintage (1980s) provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Sunglasses by AJ MORGAN

Image Right: Jumpsuit by GUESS (1980s) Provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Earrings & Necklace by NATURE DESIGNS Bracelet & Rings by MARC JACOBS Boots by CLASSIFIED, Gloves are Stylists Own

Image Right: Jumpsuit by GUESS (1980s) Provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Earrings & Necklace by NATURE DESIGNS Bracelet & Rings by MARC JACOBS Boots by CLASSIFIED, Gloves are Stylists Own

Skirt suit by ST.JOHN (1980s) provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE Beaded vest (worn Backwards) is 1980’s Vintage provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Rings & bracelet by MARC JACOBS Tights by LEG AVENUE Boots are Stylists own

Image Left: Blouse by ADRIANA PAPPEL (1980s) Provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Scarf worn on head by BILL BLASS (1980s) Provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Bracelet by MARC JACOBS Image Right: Skirt suit by ST.JOHN (1980s) provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE Beaded vest (worn Backwards) is 1980’s Vintage provided by RED LIGHT VINTAGE, Rings & bracelet by MARC JACOBS Tights by LEG AVENUE Boots are Stylists own

every rose has it's Thorn Photographed & Styled by DANIELA MAJIC Featuring wardrobe by DESIGNS BY MALLORY Model is LEXI @ Elite Toronto Make-up & Hair by JILLY IJOE Phootgraphy Assistant & Video by ALEX FRANKLIN

Dress & Robe

by DESIGNS

BY MALLORY Earrings & Gloves are Stylists own

Dress & Robe

by DESIGNS

BY MALLORY Earrings & Gloves are Stylists own

Dress & Robe: DESIGNS BY MALLORY Earrings & Gloves are Stylists own Shoes by F5J

This page: Dress & Robe

by DESIGNS

BY MALLORY Earrings & Gloves are Stylists Own, Shoes by F5J Opposite Page: Dress by DESIGNS BY MALLORY Earrings are Stylists Own

This Page: Gown by DESIGNS BY MALLORY, Earrings are Stylists Own, Opposite Page: Dress is DESIGNS BY MALLORY, Earrings are Stylists Own, Shoes are F5J

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This Page & Opposite Page: Gown is DESIGNS BY MALLORY, Earrings are Stylists own, Shoes are F5J

Opposite Page: Pleather tank is DESIGNS BY MALLORY Earrings are Stylists own, Choker available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (www.kitsu.ca)

This Page: (Above & Right) Gown is DESIGNS BY MALLORY, Earrings & Gloves are Stylsits Own, Shoes by F5J

Image Left: Pleather tank & Trousers are DESIGNS BY MALLORY, Earrings & gloves are Stylists Own, Choker available at KITSU BOUTIQUE (www.kitsu.ca)

Image Right & Opposite Page: Dress is DESIGNS

BY MALLORY Earrings & Gloves are Stylists Own, Shoes are F5J Novelty Sunglasses

by ZERO UV

(Both Images) Dress is DESIGNS BY MALLORY Earrings are Stylists own, Shoes by F5J

GIRL

AGING

ON

Art work by The Editor Words by The Editor and Various Contributors

T

his year I turned 30. I won’t lie to you I was dreading it. My teen years were filled with excitement and novelty, my 20’s were a fun and sometimes turbulant ride but for the most part I felt young and dare I say free. I could feel a lump in my throat at the mear thought of the number 30. A lump that told me that I was old now. I wouldn’t be viewed the same way I was in my teens and twenties. I somehow felt useless. Like everything worthwhile about myself was gone. Though I have mostly gotten over this feeling, the doubts do come back time and time again. However, I have come to terms with age really just being a number. We only have a small amount of time on this earth. Spending that time worrying about a number is a pretty dumb concept.

In this article we asked real women ranging from young adults to matured ladies (for lack of a better word) what their thoughts on age were, and how they felt about aging.

“When most people think of aging, they think of the physical attributes associated with aging—wrinkles, sun spots, grey hair and if you’re a Slavic woman, a damn impressive moustache. But all of those things are natural—wrinkles are a sign you laughed, sun spots from too much time outside and grey hair means you worried and experienced life. As for the moustache — unwanted gift. But when I think of aging, I think of something that scares me much more than losing physical beauty. I think of dementia—of losing my mind. I worked in a nursing home for years and the things I saw there changed my perspective on life. I watched 55 year old men not recognize their children. I witnessed a woman forget how to write mid sentence. I sang “you are my sunshine” with a resident who had lost herself with the disease. I saw visitors become residents. I saw people of all ages leave their parents, spouses, grandparents and children with tears in their eyes. I worry that one day, I won’t know who I am anymore. Or that I won’t recognize the people I love and inadvertently hurt them. Life has many happy moments but these moments coincide with the sad.

The older I get, the more I say goodbye to people I love. Whether that be through death or disease—it’s never easy. Life is short—cliche but true. We all expect to grow old but for some of us, that won’t happen.

Or we will grow old incapable of being independent and requiring other people to take care of us. I have friends of all ages as a result of my experience at the home. The best thing I learned from them is that we never figure out life. We never feel like we have it all together.

We never know what awaits us. So I’m going to laugh, cry, get angry and create wrinkles on my face because one day, I may not be able to remember how to feel all those things.”

-E.R 26 “It’s a well known sentiment that you can look back on your life and know the exact moment you became an adult. Eldest children tend to always be the most mature, and I did not disappoint. At the young age of 6 I became an accountant, a translator, an interpreter, a selftaught educator and adviser. All in a day’s work for the life of an immigrant child. And yet on the contrary, my childhood was still the stuff dreams are made of. 27 years later I can look back and know that life today has become far more complicated, far more real. As the wrinkles of time take effect, innocence is lost and everything we once believed, ultimately evolves. In what I consider to be a very short 33 years of life, I’ve had the privilege of being a daughter, a sister, a wife and what I deem most important - a mother. As I write this my daughter sings and “hops like a bunny” and everything is right with the world, because she is doing what all 4 year-olds should be doing; singing, dancing, and albeit hopping without a worry in sight. Her

time to worry will come just as mine did, but for now I will demand and see to it that she be a kid. Adulthood looms not far behind. Time is fleeting and years seem to exponentially fly by. Life is already passing at an unstoppable rate that I fear in 20 years it’ll be moving at warp speed. Life is short— truer words have never been spoken. However, life is not made up of the number of days behind you, but rather the life and legacy you leave behind.”

- A.G 33 “Aging used to seem scary. Now as I’ve gotten a bit older anyway, it’s not so bad. The things I used to be scared of losing (youth, looks, certain freedoms), don’t necessarily have as much value to me as they did before. You trade one thing for another. I’m in a spot right now where I can look back and see what I had, and remember how great that was, while also looking ahead and seeing things that I’m excited to have. You can’t avoid aging, we all do it. I just want to age gracefully and in good health. It will be fun to play around with personal style and fashion in ways that only seem to work with fabulous older women. There was a lady I saw in the mall once, wearing head to toe purple. All different shades, and as many pieces as she could put on her body, just piled up in a fabulous purple knot! She even dyed her hair to match! She said she loved purple, didn’t give a shit what people thought, and that maybe she’d go green in a couple of weeks. That’s the kind of attitude I look forward to being able to wear every day without hesitation! Old enough to know better, not care, and just do what you feel like for the fun of it. We don’t owe people answers for ourselves as we want to be, but being able to so directly ask the world “So what?” with the confidence of a lifetime behind me is a whole new freedom I look forward to.”

S.M 30 “It’s funny, when we’re little, all we want is to be older. To grow up.

I’ve always wondered if there was an age I would reach and finally think ‘this is it, I don’t want to get any older.’ Turning 27 - the age I am now - was eye-opening. I’ll get married when I’m 28, start a family shortly after, and I find myself still wishing years away in pursuit of my next milestone. Aging is something frowned upon - at least pertaining to women. Women are told to pursue their youth, to pay hundreds of dollars on products that preserve our skin, prevent laugh lines, even though ‘men get better with age.’ I’ve challenged myself to also get better with age. With each new year comes a new opportunity to learn more, to grow more, and to become happier, more confident, more wise. I’m on a cusp now, doing a trapeze act, balancing between wanting to pursue the lessons my future years hold and wanting to be in this present moment because, ‘you will never be this young again.”

A.W 27

I’ll happily accept any amount of grey hair and wrinkles if it means more time to enjoy this life. To age is a gift.

- A.R.N 30 I believe that age is just a number, age depends on how you feel about yourself and your life.We all know that time goes by fast and I believe that you should enjoy everyday of your life. Try to get rid of the stress and worry because it can age you so much quicker. I believe that you must love yourself and everything will fall into place for you. Aging comes faster to you when you are not happy, content and relaxed. We can’t stop our age but we can slow down the aging by enjoying what life we have to the fullest.

- L.S 58 What is age? Dictionary definition: cause to grow, feel or appear older. For me after 57 years, I embrace aging. My generation is nowhere near that of previous generations where one had to act/behave/speak or feel a certain “age appropriate” manner. I believe aging is a healthy mental, physical & emotional state of mind. It is about feeling “worth” and “ appreciation” for all your past experiences and lessons learned. Many of my experiences and lessons learned came from growing up on a fruit farm experiencing the hard physical labour, prepping the land and harvesting the crops. Later in life I left home for school, I travelled, I found the love of my life and married him and had 2 beautiful children. These memories have instilled much happiness as I’ve aged. To me, aging (in its simplest form) is: living, loving and laughing in life. People often correlate aging to looks and the physical appearances it may portray. I tend to concentrate on the “cause to grow” & “feel” part of the dictionary definition. Aging is part of life (no getting around it ) so embrace it! I plan on living life to the fullest while loving and laughing for as long as I continue to age.

- L.M 57 Ooo hard question. I go back and forth on how I feel about aging. I still feel very young at heart, but I miss having a young body that’s able to do things without feeling sore as heck afterwards, although maybe that’s a “not being in good shape” thing! I am convinced I’ll go gray early and I don’t think I really mind that but I do think I have a very idealistic idea of old age, and I do sometimes have brief panicked moments when I notice the changes in my face. I don’t have wrinkles, but I do see less skin elasticity and some changes in skin textures. I don’t see myself doing any kind of plastic surgery or Botox in order to look younger though. I love that as you get older, you care less about what others think. I can see myself being that old lady living alone with her garden who the kids in the neighbourhood thinks is a witch, I’m kind of excited about that.

- A.H 29

To quote the late, great Aaliyah “Age ain’t nothin’ but a number.” At 36 years old, I don’t feel too differently than I did at 20...other than needing my own bed, and not being able to rally on four hours of sleep for nights on end. As much as I can, now that I have a daughter, I will never say “no” to an adventure someone wants me to share. If I could freeze time, I used to think that I would want to stay put in University forever; my strongest friendships were forged there, and I met so many (s)heroes. But, I love my wonderfully chaotic and exhausting life just the way it is now. Many of my strongest female friends are now raising powerful, interesting and beautiful little versions of themselves. I am equally proud by watching my friends who have chosen not to be moms take on the world as absolute powerhouses as they continue to age. They embody the Queen Bey anthem: “Who Run the World? Girls!”

- L.K 36 I definitely feel more confident with age. Not that I didn’t feel confident before but with age comes some type of wisdom and you realize what is really important in life. It is very true when they say that when you get older you accept yourself and you accept your body.

For example, when I was younger and alot skinnier I used to think that i need to lose more weight and now 10 yrs later I look back and think wow I looked amazing then and even though I’m bigger now physically I feel good about myself. With age comes knowledge and experience and you become calmer, flexible and mature. Properties also change with age. I do not feel alot older to be honest, I still feel young but I am definitely more relaxed, more accepting of myself and others and do not pay attention to petty little things. Also, with age you start to distance yourself from conflict and negative people as you realize how much energy and your free time those people are taking from you and focus more on important things in life. So, to summarize it, embrace the aging process because it is part of life and it gives you wisdom to go through hard times easier.

- I.K 38 Right now I don’t really think about my age. I hope that when I am a bit older that I will understand more about life and myself. I like life right now though and I like my age.

- N.S 16

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