The April Issue

APRIL ISSUE

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? KID CUDI CONCERT REVIEW ADMIRATION: THE SCOOP ON U of I SECRET ADMIRER

EDITORS Amanda Tugade, Elise King, John Edwards, Lauren Rohr, Philip Johnson, Sarah Soenke DESIGN Caroline Broler Austin Baird

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Emily Waldron ASSISTANT EDITOR Sarah Soenke

STAFF WRITERS DainyaWesley, F. Amanda Tugade Dan Broderick, Blaize Stewart Liz Amanieh Bailey Bryant Mariah Sutton Emily Waldron PHOTOGRAPHER Scott Jackson

ADVERTISING For further details, contact us at spreadjournalism@gmail.com

THE SPREAD IS A DIGITAL PUBLICATION OF THE REGISTERED STUDENT ORGANIZATION JAMS (JOURNALISM, ADVERTISING & MEDIA STUDENTS) OF THE COLLEGE OF MEDIA AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS

RELATIONSHIPS 4 friends with

benefits: an easy alternative, or settling?

6the Bliss of being

single

7go long distance?

SPORTS 22 into the darkness

LIFESTYLE & EVENTS 8 (SECRET) ADMIRATION 12 preventing hate

crimes against the

lgbt community

14 celebs and pot MUSIC

18 P!NK, so what?

19the end of the

chemical brothers

20kid cudi concert

review

FRIENDS WIT I

An Easy Alternat

n this day in age, with benefits” is q average ear. Espe college and even graduate, hookin in this confusing

“I see the appeal of th benefits relationship, I feel it never works o the University of Illino “Someone will fall fo it just ends up being a wardness.”

Romantic comedies a relate to when a man his lover to stop her fr plane like in the Fren ment or when Noah f writes Allie letters eve Are these images unre simply given up on lo

“My favorite romantic ella Story and Two W senior Ashley Hewson movies like this I feel Love stories like No S Friends with Benefits tive of today’s dating to Mila Kunis and Na

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“Perhaps young men to make big gestures a woman and perhap do not require it from you can just hook up And if he hasn’t asked why expect him to wa Many are not fond of ment from simply hoo

RELATIONSHIPS

TH BENEFITS

tive or Settling?

, the phrase “friends quite familiar to the ecially when entering n when preparing to ng up is often a given stage of our lives.

he friends with but in the long run out,” said senior at ois Katherine Kelly. or the other and then a big mess of awk-

are not the easiest to n goes chasing after rom getting on a nch movie L’Appartefrom The Notebook ery day for a year. ealistic or have we ove?

c comedy is CinderWorlds Collide,” said n. “After watching l that we do settle.”

Strings Attached and seem more reflecscene; women relate atalie Portman.

feel this is best alternative when both parties communicate what they want.

“I think that having a friend with benefits is great, as long as both members of the relationship are on the same page,” said senior Shannon Harms. “I think it’s common for one member to become more attached than the other, and that’s when things can get messy.”

Romantic comedies and romance novels are very enticing, but they often do set an impossibly high bar that most young males could not reach even if they tried.

“Movies make us believe that the man in the relationship will show up with 6 dozen roses and a memorized monologue of their wedding vows, when they’ll most likely show up with a single rose and shrugged shoulders,” said Harms. There’s nothing wrong with that, because there’s no director telling them what to do and no script telling them what to say.”

For the young ladies who are happy with their relationships, continue to appreciate your guy’s attempt to make you happy, whether large or small.

“A guy I was once dating called me and told me to turn on his radio show broadcast which was available online. I thought he just don’t feel they need wanted to show off and have me listen to his in order to win over show, but he gave me a shout-out on air and ps as young ladies we had a playlist queued up of the songs that m guys,” said Kelly. “If reminded him of me,” said Harms. “Much p, why bother trying? better than a mixtape.” d you out on a date ant a relationship?” f the lack of attachoking up, but others

By: Dainya Wesley 5

Friends with Benefits : Hooking up Rules you MUST Follow: You are not his girlfriend! Do not assume that it may one day develop into a serious relationship either.

Do not assume that you are the only one he is seeing! You have both made it okay for the other to be involved with whoever else they want.

Don’t expect too much! He does not have to call or text you on the regular and he does not have to take you out on dates/wine and dine you.

Do not expect it to last forever! You both may realize that this is not the ideal situation for you and that it was fun while it lasted. Also, do not be surprised if he ends up having a girlfriend in the near future.

Avoid PDA! You do not want everyone knowing whom you’re involved with especially if you are both dating other people, that could lead to drama and jealousy.

Be prepared for the aftermath: Realize that your relationship will most likely change after hooking up. If you truly value this friendship you may want to rethink getting involved with a friend.

It may be easier if your partner is just an acquaintance with less of an attachment.

Bliss of B

BY: LI

Dear Depressed

Being alo makes it out to b and crying as yo on love quotes. T you’re single. Ins single side has to aries.

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1.

Limitless want to talk to th talk to him over to talk to both at ing over at that s have my blessing 2.

Freedom to do things with body. When you don’t have to tell going or what yo whatever you wa 3.

Sleep, lot single means you want and for as l enjoy your entire an amazing feeli bed. You can spr sition you deem going to be there kept up all night the morning so y ably.

4.

Indulge A want that pint of and you don’t wa as you dive in. It are valid reasons down with that p going to question and, well, that’s e

Being Single

LIZ AMANIEH

Single Person, one isn’t as bad as tumblr be. I’m sick of the nagging ou look at the tumblr blog Try not to think about why stead, look at what the o offer. There are no bound-

s amounts of flirting - You hat guy? Sure. You want to there? Go for it. You want t the same time while looksexy one over there? You g. m - Sometimes you just want hout reporting it to anyu’re not in a relationship you l anybody where you are ou are doing. You just do ant. ts and lots of sleep - Being u can sleep whenever you long as you want. You can e bed to yourself. It’s truly ing, especially if it’s a twin read out in any heinous pocomfortable and nobody’s e to judge you. You won’t be t, waiting for him to leave in you can fall asleep comfort-

Long Distance Dating Just Doesn’t Work

BY BLAIZE STEWART

5.

Open plans -When you’re dating someone, it’s like you’re obligated to hang out with him or her. When you’re single, you can pick and choose whoever the hell you want to see and what you want to do.

6.

You don’t have to understand the concept of “working out”- This is something only people in a relationship can understand. It’s foreign to single people.

You don’t have to impress anyone. Let’s face it, nobody’s going to be seeing all of you anytime soon so why would you waste your bonding time with ice cream?

7.

Not having to shave - You don’t have to shave. The only person you need to please is yourself and shaving in no historical record ever has ever fallen into the category of something anybody wants to do.

8.

You are at your prime - Out of all your friends, you are the one your taken friends go to when they want to have a good night out. They know you have been perfecting this ever since you’ve been single. You are still going after the pre-pregame — which yes, indeed, exists. It’s for single people only, it’s when you pregame by yourself — pregame and bars. After all, it’s not like you’re looking forward to going home and cuddling with your pillow. And please don’t tell me you have gotten so depressing as to invest in a body pillow. No — just, no.

ALL the time - You just f cookie dough ice cream ant anybody else to see you Being single is liberating. Enjoy. t’s okay. Even though there s for why you need to sit pint and bond, nobody is n why because you’re single enough of a reason.

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Spring Break has just ended and some college students who are in relationships just had a test: Can a relationship handle the week apart and still remain strong? The answer is probably yes.

It’s a week apart. If you can’t handle that you might be in what some call a “needy” relationship, and you have a whole different set of issues to work out.

However, this week of separation is just a precursor of what is just around the corner. Summer is roughly a month away and the time apart for couples who live in different zip codes will be measured in weeks or months, not days.

Their relationship is about to be put to the ultimate test: long distance.

If people were totally honest with themselves, they would realize the whole long distance thing isn’t going to work. Students don’t live in a romantic comedy; we live in reality. In this reality, most long distance relationships end in failure.

It’s because it takes so much more effort to make things work. You have to spend extra money traveling, more time planning and less time enjoying each other’s company. Trust issues easily develop and typically couples spend more time angry or suspicious of each other than missing their significant other.

Some manage to make it work, but these are the couples who are in it for the long haul.

You know, the ones who have dated since high school or have actually discussed the possibility of a future.

This does not describe most college relationships. Sure, you might think that person you made out with on the dance floor of Joe’s is your soul mate — but wait till you sober up.

Do you really want to spend your summer pining after someone miles away who you could easily break up with in a few months? Better to cut the cord before the summer, and if it is meant to be, make it happen when you get back to school in the fall.

ADMI On a summer night in 1947, my grandfather traveled into a neighboring town to watch a free Al Capp movie, and along the way he met the girl of his dreams.

She was sitting on a blanket and laughing with her friends, waiting for black and white images of Li’l Abner to appear on the side of the town’s hardware building. Her big blue eyes were set expectantly on the brick, while my grandfather’s were set on her.

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After about a minute of longing, my 14-year-old grandfather knew he had to have this beautiful girl with black braids and chubby cheeks. Determined to make her his own, he strode confidently over and sat down, ignoring the giggling teenage girls that surrounded them.

LIFESTYLE & EVENTS

IRATION

“I’m Max Bryant,” he told her. “Do you mind if I sit here?”

My 13-year-old grandmother told Max she didn’t mind a bit and introduced herself as Mo. She and Max sat together for the rest of the evening, and that night Mo told her parents that she’d met the boy she was going to marry.

Five years later when she was 18, Mo kept her word and became Mrs. Max Bryant.

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continued on next page

Since childhood, I’ve been obsessed with my grandparents’ love story. I even used to act it out with my Barbies.

My grandparents were so enamored with one another that they exchanged weekly letters for two years until my grandfather could drive. After that, they were inseparable until death. Their romance was improbable, but perfect, like something out of the movies.

I think I speak for most people when I say I want a spectacular romance like that in my lifetime. I want grand gestures, love letters and proclamations of my beauty. Most of all, I want personal contact from my suitors.

I don’t want someone to hit on me via text message or Internet. Nor do I want a man to anonymously confess his love for me on the University of Illinois Secret Admirer Facebook page. Recently, though, that’s what some people have been doing.

The University of Illinois Secret Admirer page was created in March after someone requested it on the University of Illinois Confessions page. The page, modeled after UW-Madison’s Secret Admirers page, has nearly 4,000 likes and receives hundreds of daily submissions.

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The multiple admins of the page wish to remain anonymous, but said they created the page as a source of entertainment and an outlet for shy individuals.

While it contains a large amount of risqué posts that are obviously jokes, some people use the page to anonymously pour their hearts out. Most of the people named on the page, however, said they dismissed the posts as jokes. Others said the anonymous proclamations were both creepy and flattering.

After reading two posts about herself on the Secret Admirers page, Shannon L. Sabino, freshman in engineering, said she’d much rather be approached in person than posted about anonymously on the Internet.

“I don’t want people posting on the Internet about how physically attractive they find me, and how they assume that I’m someone they’d like to get to know,” Sabino said. “I’m a woman, and my attraction to men comes from their personalities, not from their attraction to me.

If you want me, talk to me; don’t tell the Internet I have Ke$ha hair.”

Julian Gallegos, sophomore in DGS, had similar feelings when he read a post about himself.

He added that while he’s shy too, he’d much prefer his crush

approach him in person. Gallegos said he would never post anonymously on the page.

“If you tell (your crush) what you think about her, what’s the worst that can happen? She says no?” Gallegos said. “Then it was never right in the first place and she wasn’t worth your time if she couldn’t take the time to get to know you.”

Dozens of the people named on the page felt the same as Gallegos and Sabino. Some were bothered that they were frequently examined from afar, others were annoyed their admirer made no attempts to approach them, but in all the cases nothing came from the posts. The admirers remained anonymous, and the relationship status of those named remained static.

In my mind, if you’re so captivated by someone that you’re willing to write multiple paragraphs about the perfection of their existence, it only makes sense to pursue them. And pursuing someone isn’t posting about that person anonymously online. Nor is it texting him or her late at night. Pursuit is personal. And if you can’t muster up the courage for that, life’s going to be lonely.

On a similar, equally as corny note, you should shoot for the moon, because even if you miss you’ll land among the stars. If my grandfather had only admired my grandmother from afar, he wouldn’t have met his soul mate when he was 14 years old, and I wouldn’t be here today to write cheesy articles.

I’ve never been one to obsess over unattainable objects. I’m goal-oriented and I pursue the things I want. When my pursuits end in failure, it’s easier to move on. Yes, the pain of rejection is exquisitely painful, but to be corny and accurate, you can’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

BY BAILEY BRYANT

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What Will it Take Hate Crimes Against

It was a typical Saturday night filled with dancing, laughing and toasting to our final year of college.

The night was young and in that carefree moment, cruel words and hateful punches were thrown. Julio McNeal was called several derogatory names and was then assaulted by a student and his friend at the local bar and restaurant, Firehaus.

McNeal was sent to the hospital and was forced to receive a number of stitches in his left eye.

“I had to come to my own defense after being attacked by two guys,” said Julio McNeal. “I just feel sad that in this day and age events of this nature are still a dime a dozen.”

Stories like this are not uncommon today. As controversy over gay rights continues to surface, tension has been causing an increase in violent acts against the LBGT

community.

“I just shake my head at those people who still think in such a close-minded manner, but it happens more than the media portrays,” said Chuntanay Phillips, a senior at the University of Illinois who witnessed the attack on McNeal.” After finally witnessing a hate crime against a friend, I was completely stunned and infuriated.”

A hate crime is a bias-motivated violent act that often stems from feelings of supremacy. According to a breakdown of single bias hate crime incidents reported by Metroweekly, almost 21% of hate crimes in 2011 were a result of sexual orientation bias. Although racial bias occurs more than twice as often as sexual orientation bias, there has been an increase in hate crimes within the LBGT population.

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“I’m surprised to hear these statistics,” said London Walther, a senior majoring in Urban Planning at the University of Illinois. “One would think that as more states are passing LBGT friendly legislation and more people are approving of gay marriage than ever before, that those numbers would go down.”

With hate crimes against gays and lesbians on the rise in the community, there has got to be a solution.

“The answer is to educate; almost every minority group has a slot in history classes where we talk about their struggles, but gays and lesbians do not,” said McNeal.

“If we educate people to see that some of their heroes

to End the Hate? the LBGT Community By: Dainya Wesley have waved the rainbow flag, it will allow those who are unaware to become enlightened.”

Another issue, however, is the lack of seriousness from authorities after these hate crimes occur.

According to The Human Rights Campaign, Illinois law explicitly protects citizens from crimes based on sexual orientation, but on a local level this can often be ignored.

After McNeal’s attack that took place weeks ago, there has still been no progress with his case.

“So far I have gotten little to no support from either the police or the establishment,” said McNeal.

“I feel like if the situation had stemmed from a racial aspect things may have moved

along faster due to Champaign’s controversial past with African American’s in the community.”

Even with these incidents, America as a whole has grown more open-minded when it comes to LBGT rights. Currently gays and lesbians can legally marry in New Hampshire, New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, Vermont, and Washington, D.C. Populations all over the world support same-sex marriage, including all of Canada, parts of Europe including Sweden, Spain, Norway, the Netherlands and Portugal, South Africa, Mexico City, and Argentina, according to Christiangays. com.

“I’m excited to see progress,” said Phillips. “It is going to happen, because it’s a civil right!”

A shift in consciousness is in order to create change here in America.

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For now all we can do is respect others and their beliefs and hope that hate crimes against innocent victims like McNeal will soon come to an end. We also have a duty as citizens to demand action from authorities on these issues.

“I advise anyone who has and may experience something like this to speak out, but also remain positive,” said McNeal. “Hating someone because of their ignorance makes you no better, but answering questions and helping to educate will help you and others rise above it.”

If you or a friend is ever a victim of a hate crime on the University of Illinois campus, be sure to report it by contacting the police, the Office of the Dean of Students and send an email to stophate@uiuc.edu.

Pot Notables: Ce LOUIS ARMSTRONG

Yes, sir! It’s a bout that time of year again! The infamous unofficial holiday that is 4/20 is around the corner and all the stoners & hippies are surely getting ready for this event. Bongs everywhere shall be filled with the smoke of the ‘Mary Jane’ and swishers, papers, lighters, blunt splitters, Visine, and air freshener will surely go up in sales come April. However, let’s not forget the most important rule when smoking pot — don’t get busted! In honor of this golden rule, I’d like to recap on a few famous people in particular who failed to abide by this ever so crucial rule of not getting caught.

BILL MU

LIL’ KIM SNOOP DOGG

The Snoop D-O-Double G was caught twice for marijuana possession. The first time was in 1998 and he was only given a citation for having less than an ounce of pot. The second was a little worse; being caught with 200lbs of marijuana on his tour bus in Cleveland in 2001, he pleaded no contest and was fines $250.

FUN FACT: Cameron Diaz noted that she bought weed from Snoop Dogg in high school.

Rapper Kimberly Jones was arrested for possession in 1996 when police busted her and rapper Notorious B.I.G. in his home, which contained marijuana and weapons.

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This guy is truly som expelled from Regis for attempting to sm of marijuana throug airport in 1970. In 2 ed an honorary Doc Degree from the sam about a comeback.

elebrity Edition

By: Mariah Sutton

BOB MARLEY

URRAY He really shouldn’t even be mentioned seeing as how obvious this one is, but in 1977, Marley was arrested by British police for possession of marijuana.

JOHN LENNON

mething for getting s College in Denver muggle about 9 lbs gh Chicago’s O’Hare 2007, he was awardctor of Humanities me college. Talk

John Lennon was arrested and fined in 1968 at his London home for marijuana possession. The police had to break down his door while Lennon was attempting to get rid of all the evidence.

Unfortunately a drug-sniffing dog ratted him out.

PAUL McCARTNEY 15

McCAULAY CULKIN

It was in 2004 when former child star Macauley Culkin was busted for weed in car pulled over for speeding, and was charged for possession of marijuana. He had to pay a $540 fine.

AMY WINEHOUSE

CAMERON DIAZ

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HALEY JOEL OSMENT

HONORABLE MENTION: Just two years later, another former child star Haley Joel Osment was charged with possession of marijuana after losing control of his car and crashing into a brick pillar. He was also charged with a DUI (no surprise there). He was put on three years probation and was required to pay $1,500 in fines, along with having to spend 60 hours in alcohol rehab and go to at least 26 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in six month’s time.

KID CUDI

BARACK OBAMA

Although he was never caught, our very own president Barack Obama willingly admitted to smoking pot in high school and throughout college. Who knows, maybe one of our future presidents will be smoking weed right here on this campus on 4/20 — until then, flame up and engage responsibly!

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MUSIC

Back when TRL ruled MTV, I remember watching P!NK’s videos “Get the Party Started” and “Just Like a Pill” listed on their music countdowns. Particularly, “Get the Party Started” became the anthem of the beginning of the new millennium. P!NK, aka Alecia Beth Moore, was different from the ‘90s explosion of bubble-gum pop stars like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Mandy Moore. P!NK was edgy, and the new millennium welcomed her innovative, wild spirit with open arms. With her athletic figure, boyish, platinum blond hair, and “fuck you” attitude, her music encompassed

the pop’s version of teen angst and rebellion.

For you movie enthusiasts, P!NK songs are like the annoying, endless installments of Scary Movie or Performing since she was 14, P!NK’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre. No one journey to stardom has been rough. really cares, and if by some chance She was in two unsuccessful all-fewe hear a P!NK song, it’s usually male bands, Basic Instinct and toward the end of the Friday night, Choice, but her big break came in where we’re eight beers and three 1999 with the album Can’t Take Me shots in.

Home. The single “There You Go” featured the fresh-faced teen with But I guess that’s the type of ish bright, hot fuchsia hair and baring that all musicians alike have to go her goodies in glossy bare-midriffs through. Musicians have to “reinand tight leather pants. P!NK had vent” themselves, their sound and style. The success and recognition of their image, all while “pleasing” her first album created noise for her their fans and gaining some sort of sophomore album M!ssundaztood, recognition/publicity from critics. which notoriously gave us “Get the Party Started” and “Just Like a Pill.” That’s what makes music complex.

P!INK, So what?

Of course, how could we forget when P!NK teamed up with powerhouse, female vocalists Lil Kim, Mya and Christina Aguilera for the remake of Patty Labelle’s “Lady Marmalade” in 2001?

Fast forward a decade, P!NK’s still here, and I commend her for surprising me every time I listen to the Top 40 on the radio. But P!NK isn’t memorable. Actually, I don’t even realize that I’m listening to her song until the DJ says, “And that was (insert song title) from P!NK.” Her songs are generic and irrelevant.

She’s on the dusty shelf like an old grade school yearbook, mingling with stale chart-toppers like Kelly Clarkson, Avril Lavinge, Ciara and soon to be Carly Rae Jepsen.

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We, as avid listeners, as fanatics, call our favorite artists “sell outs” when they slip into the “mainstream.” Listening to underground musicians and bands generate street cred for us; it makes us look cool.

Once people catch on, we, the fans, move on to someone who’s even more unknown and has an even more obscure sound/band name.

But pop music? Isn’t that supposed to be commercialized? It’s meant to be mainstream, but has P!NK exceeded the boundary of pop music and entered in the black hole of “has-beens”?

She’s clearly trying to catch our attention with suggestive song titles like “Blow Me (One Last Kiss)” from her latest album The Truth About Love. Well, I’ll raise my glass to P!NK. Keep on truckin’, I guess.

By: F. Amanda Tugade

By: Dan James Broderick

“Why Haven’t You Seen My Chemical Romance Live Yet, Bro?” #SaidDevinDanza #Workaholics Ding dong, the witches are dead! You know that one band where all the guys wear makeup and look like girls? Wait — that’s not specific enough because all major label bands these days look like disgusting girls.

Oh, what were their names? They had that weird parade song and that other one I don’t remember because I don’t suck emo dongs.

My Phlegmy Biblical Crow Dance? My Cock Ho Man See? Crap My Pee? Wow this is hard, hold on let me Google it…My Chemical Romance! That’s it! Yeah, apparently they finally called it quits on March 23 after twelve years of whining about stuff in weird Nazi-looking uniforms.

The band didn’t make a big deal about it, and they just posted a brief statement on their website. According to Fuse, the group wrote, “…And now, like all great things, it has come time for it to end…”

Remember when we were all in grade school and everyone was like, “Oh my god! You have to listen to My Chemical Romance, or you’re a p*ssy!” It is kind of ironic if you think about it. Well, let’s just say MCR, as the real fans abbreviate it, wasn’t really my thing. I tend not to like bands that wear makeup and look like vampires on purpose. Seriously, that lead singer needed to go outside. He would scream sing too, but it wasn’t

like that “toe-tapping” screaming you hear in all that screamo music. More of a whiny wail, which wanted to make the listener to blow their brains out. Really, look at the lyrics. That crap is depressing, man. I still don’t know why people would pay over $60 to see them far away.

It truly boggles the mind, especially when you can go watch a real band (in their appropriate gender looks and not be confused) at a local club for $5 or less. And not to mention a way better performance and usually better music, quality wise that is. No joke. Just a few weeks ago, my hot date and I went to Subterranean in Chicago and saw four amazing bands for a total of $15.

You do the math.

And the band Like Bats was just as depressing as My Phlegmy Biblical Crow Dance, but way cooler. Like Bats looked like dudes, makes you want to jump around happily, had amazing lyrics (but pretty depressing if you look at them just on paper), and were simply good. Their front-man looked like McLovin for Jesus H. Christ’s sake. So to Devin Danza’s question “Why haven’t you seen My Chemical Romance live yet, bro?”

My answer is because I have way better things to listen to.

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SPORTS

THE DARKNESS: Everything is rigged

S

tupid referees! How come all of the teams I like get robbed? Oh, yeah that’s right, because sports are rigged. All of them!

Take a look at just about any NBA game and there are a whole ton of missed, bull honkey, and downright preposterous calls made by the referees that influence the outcome of the game.

C’mon, LeBron, aren’t you like 6-foot-8-inches, 250 pounds or something? And yet when you get a bump from little old Nate Robinson you go flying into the stands. Or when Tyson Chandler puts a little grease into his screen, you act like you were blindsided and then go displaying around the court. Then, magically seconds later, you are okay.

Or how about that Bulls vs. Nuggets game where goaltending is sometimes a +2 points while 30 seconds later it is -2 points? David Stern just wants good theatre.

Basketball is like Pro Wrestling now. It’s even getting into college basketball. Did the official really believe that the ball went off the Illini during their NCAA Tournament game against the Miami Hurricanes? It was pretty clear-cut that it went off of Miami. And in the Ohio St. vs. Iowa St. game, a charge call pretty much decided the game. That charge sure didn’t look like a charge to me.

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There have been a whole lot of questionable calls this March Madness, and it’s all pretty fishy if you ask me. The mafia definitely has a hand in this. With so much bracket money on the line, the mafia would be stupid not to get involved.

Soccer is definitely fixed. Boxing is fixed. Cricket is probably fixed, I don’t really know. The NBA is looking pretty sketchy (Tim Donaghy can’t be the only crooked ref). Baseball even has steroids and is still boring.The NFL might be next!

Even my Mario Kart Double Dash League has a black eye with defective controllers and eerie blue shell timings.

Moral of the story: The mafia has a hand in everything and David Stern sucks LBJ’s schlong because he wants another Michael Jordan-esque player to make the NBA a whole lot of cash.

If anyone wants in on the dark underworld sport of Mario Kart, hit me up at dbrod@spreaduiuc. com *

*Not an actual email address. C’mon.

By: Dan James Broderick aka DJ BRODMEISTER

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