Vol. 54 Issue 2

THE STRAND VICtoria University’s Student NEWSPAPER • est. 1953

15 SEPTEMBER 2011 VOL. 54 NO. 2

WWW.THESTRAND.CA

Frosh Week: the recap

OOHLALA: Saving Money, Time and Trees From the basement of University College to the phones of over 8000 students in 33 different campuses

Andrea Themistokleous

"No matter how cheesy the frosh events might sound, go to as many as you can, I regret skipping stuff." Following this advice by an upper-year Victorian student, and having attended as many frosh events as possible, here is a recap.

4 Sept 2011 marked an important day for first year residence students of Victoria College, as they moved into their new homes away from home.

Upon arriving they were greeted by friendly and enthusiastic frosh leaders, who helped to create a positive and inclusive atmosphere throughout the week. After unpacking, students received their frosh IDs and a bag of freebies including items such as mugs, shirts, and of course, condoms.

On Monday morning students gathered in the quad for the Grand Meet and Greet. As this year's frosh theme was "To Victoria and Beyond," students were separated into groups named after stars. The icebreaker games began, and students learnt the Vic Cheers.

Next was pizza with the Dons, where commuter students who chose to stay on residence for the week met their roommates.

Although they had to sleep on the floors, Sam Reyes explains, "I made closer friends by staying over for the week. Yes, I had to sleep on the floor but it was fine because my roommates

sabina Freiman

"even though I didn't know how to play any casino games, everyone helped me out."

Other popular events of the week included the Wacky Tacky Dinner and Boat Cruise on Wednesday, as well as the highly-anticipated Scarlet and Gold party. Students chose between two different-sized boats and went on a cruise for four hours

OOHLALA, available for iPhone, BlackBerry and Android phones, is more than just a social app. It is a calendar, a coupon, an event advertiser, a medium to meet new people, and a ticket to guest-lists all over town – all without the use of a single sheet of paper.

Only a year ago, developers Danial Jameel, James Dang, and Alice Dinu sat in the basement of their UofT residence, building an application that they hoped, Jameel explains, would, “provide students with greater awareness about what events were happening on campus, and [would be] a means for students to use their collective power to snag great deals and guest-lists for nightlife.”

“However,” says Jameel, “feedback and requests from students turned it into a student life app that allows you to meet other students nearby, stay connected with campus life, and have an easy way to stay in touch with university friends.”

Upon entering the main screen of the app, one is greeted with nine categories of events and savings: University, Food, Nightlife, Arts and Culture, Entertainment, Fashion, Bars,

see “the week” on page 2

see “OOHLALA” on page 3

First year Vic students march to the Friday parade accompanied by their Frosh leaders

were awesome and made it comfy."

Students learned the frosh dance, which was to LMFAO's “Party Rock Anthem.” Those who skipped this event eventually learned it as the song was played repeatedly throughout the week.

Monday ended with the Space Jam. It was quite empty as students did a few activities outside of the assigned schedule (Frat parties, anyone?). But

for those who didn’t attend any of them, not much was missed — unless watered-down beer is their thing.

Undoubtedly, the most popular event on Tuesday was Casino Night, as there was a long line-up outside Old Vic. Students socialized and played blackjack, Russian roulette and intense games of poker. Agape Hermans explained that casino night was her favourite event because,

Photo: annie narae LEE

Centre for Environment may be shutting down Memo to faculty, staff and students proposes to downscale Centre’s undergraduate teaching Shiraz noor news editor

In a memorandum sent out on 9 Sept, the Faculty of Arts and Science has proposed program changes that would lead to the closing of the Centre for Environment.

The proposals consist in restructuring the current programs offered by the Centre, Environment & Science and Environmental Studies.

Both programs have an explicitly interdisciplinary approach, emphasizing the interaction between areas of

Liberal tuition cuts 3

knowledge to provide a comprehensive understanding of the environment and the issues that surround it.

The new program proposals, Environmental Science major and Environmental Studies major, more carefully distinguish between scientific and non-scientific approaches.

According to the memo, ESci would focus on the scientific basis of environmental processes while ES would focus on human interaction with the environment.

A shift away from the interdisciplinary emphasis embedded in the

Ten years after 9/11 4

Centre for Environment’s current program offerings will lessen the compatibility of the new programs with the Centre’s research and teaching methods.

The Faculty predicts that students will welcome the specialization and enrolment in the programs will increase. Some current students cite the interdisciplinary nature of the courses as a source of confusion and pedagogical inefficiency, pointing out that instructors have to always assume that their students have no background in the subject-matter.

Go away (to study) 8-9

Other students worry that without the interdisciplinary emphasis, environment education at UofT will be come impotent as a driving force for tackling the environmental crisis.

“Scientists can no longer operate in a vacuum,” says James Birch, who is completing a program in Environment & Science. “They need to be able to understand the social, economic and political contexts that not only shape the problems they face but are also very likely to interfere with their research.”

In addition to the aforementioned

Hip backyard farming 11

proposals, the memo also stresses the need for greater participation by other departments and their faculty members in the course offerings of these programs. This means more courses from science departments for ESci, and more courses from social science and humanities departments for ES. An increase in course offerings from other departments will render many of the Centre for Environment’s undergraduate courses obsolete.

As stated in the memo, the Faculsee “plans” on page 3

A brief history of music 12

2 News

Editor: Shiraz Noor

The VUSAC President talks about plans for the year: Interview Happenings SEPTEMBER 15

Join the Sustainability Office at Willcocks and St. George as they celebrate UofT’s decision to phase out the sale of bottled water on campus with OnTap. There will be water-guns, a scavenger hunt, a documentary screening, and the opportunity to talk with campus environmental groups.

VUSAC presents a Club Night themed as a Moulin Rouge Masquerade! The event is all-ages and shuttle buses will leave outside of Annesley Hall eery half hour starting at 10 pm. Admission is $5 at the door, or $4 at the VUSAC office SEPTEMBER 16

Interested in running as a member-at-large for VUSAC? Today is the last day you’ll be able to be nominated, so get on with collecting signatures! Visit www. vusac.ca for more details

The free weekly pancakes and the ingredient guessing games they provoke are iconic; perhaps more so are those shockingly maroon sweaters. But President Brandon Bailey, fresh off of Frosh Week, talked to The Strand about the Victoria University Student Administrative Council’s even more central role in our student life: as a facilitator for activities around Vic, and as an advocate for Vic students within the wider UofT community.

Here is the interview in full:

What role does VUSAC play in student life?

Brandon Bailey: VUSAC can be thought of as the nucleus of student life at Vic. The key thing here is that it’s about facilitation. VUSAC wants to see students getting engaged and taking charge of their own student life.

To that end we run many committees and fund more clubs than any other college on campus; clubs are easy to form and easy to access. VUSAC provides the framework and motivated students get to take charge.

What has it been like being the President so far?

BB: It’s been busy, but I was a Vice President last year so I had a good idea of what to expect. The summer is mostly a matter of managing the office and getting things in order, so thus far it’s been mostly mundane tasks like planning calendars and

keeping things in order. It’s been rather bureaucratic.

The key thing, I suppose, is that I’ve been meeting with administration about various things. Most important, perhaps, is the progress on the Goldring Student Centre. In any case, things start to pick up in September when there are thousands of students around. The President helps plan Orientation Week as a member of a dedicated team of Orientation Executives, and that was probably the highlight so far.

What are some of this year’s VUSAC initiatives which you are most excited about?

BB: When it comes to events, there are always the annual events like High Ball that you can’t help but get excited about. But the most exciting things this year are some of the time sensitive things. We’re in this weird interim period between the Wymilwood Building and the Goldring Centre, so we’re temporarily in the Birge Carnegie Building. However, it’s looking like Goldring will be ready for next year’s students.

What does this mean? It means new space for all of Vic’s clubs, all of Vic’s levy receivers, and VUSAC. In short, a complete revamp of the space provided for student life. And this is the year that VUSAC will be meeting with administrators to finalize many

things that will affect student life for decades to come. Ensuring we can maximize the Goldring Centre’s benefit to Vic students is probably the most exciting initiative of the year.

What are some things that VUSAC plans to do differently from previous years?

BB: We’re keeping a very close eye on how commuters are being treated. In some previous years, VUSAC would have meetings that run from 9pm to 2am. This was unfair not only to commuter students on VUSAC, but also to commuter students who have a vested interest in attending any particular VUSAC meeting. We’ll be keeping things like this in mind when planning meetings and events.

A big thing for me was VUSAC’s self-spending habits. Fully subsidized sweaters, overly expensive retreats, that sort of thing. VUSAC will be slashing that drastically – this summer, for example, we scaled back our summer ‘retreat’ significantly and spent nearly nothing. We just had a six-hour meeting downtown in the middle of the day and therefore didn’t need to spend money on travel or booking fees or any of those associated costs. By reallocating these funds to clubs and services, we’ll be spending money on our ultimate goal: a comprehensive, enviable student life experience.

september 22-

Bring your empty boxes and your reading wish lists to Old Vic for the Victoria College Book Sale. All books will be half-price all day Monday September 26th, and a box sale will take place from 10 am to noon, Tuesday 27th Sept

What VUSAC events should Vic students look forward to this year?

BB: Obviously keep an eye out for High Ball, International Week, and all those annual events. We also have revamped a bunch of Sustainability initiatives and events, so keep an eye on those later this month. We have our first club night on September 15th, and that’s bound to be a good time.

We’ll also be having a nice semiformal on Remembrance Day, too!

Check out vusac.ca and keep an eye out for the weekly “Victoria Student” newsletter!

SEPTEMBER 28

All Lois Lane and Peter Parker hopefuls, come on out to The Strand Recruitment Party at 9:15 pm in the Cat’s Eye (the space formerly known as the Reading Room).

Meet our editorial staff, learn about positions for associate editors, staff writers, and other contributors, and sign up for content call listservs to your heart’s content.

There will be pizza and nice people! Really, what more could you ask for?

What kind of relationship does VUSAC endeavour to have with the University of Toronto Student’s Union?

BB: UTSU offers many services that Vic students are encouraged to access: UofT-wide clubs, the dental plan, International Student Identity Cards and that sort of thing. VUSAC is looking to take some of small convenient things offered by UTSU, like Yuk Yuk’s Comedy Club tickets, and have them sold out of the VUSAC Office throughout the year. For many Vic students, heading over to the UTSU office is foreign and intimidating. The VUSAC Office is located right near Vic residences and right near Museum Station, so we’re an ideal location for residence and commuter students.

Anything we can offer on East Campus is to the benefit of Victorians, so we’re hoping UTSU is as interested in this as we are.

There has been some friction between college councils and UTSU in the past. We hope to minimize this, and our understanding is that UTSU does as well. Vic’s representatives to UTSU Board of Directors, it should be known, do sit as full assessor members of the VUSAC. By representing Vic students, and by keeping the Vic community updated on what’s going on over at UTSU, VUSAC expects the directors from Victoria College will do a great job of working with UTSU to keep Victorians in mind.

In short, at the end of the day, VUSAC’s relationship with UTSU will be based on what we believe to be in the best interest of all Vic students.

Victorian students of all stripes show their college spirit, making it resoundingly visible

Photo: annie narae

A week in the life of Frosh Continued from page 1

- which sounds longer than it actually lasted. For the party, first years were sent to a "secret location": the Church of Berkeley. This event allowed everyone to get dressed up, let loose and dance away.

Friday's events were the most popular as Vic students got the opportunity to interact with other colleges and campuses. Students wore their red frosh shirts and prepared for the parade by painting their faces, arms and legs in red and gold. Upon arriving at Kings College Circle, Vic students had some harmless rivalry with Woodsworth College - “Vic's got class!” they shouted - as well as some friendly love towards Innis.

“The parade was such a beautiful display of camaraderie, enthusiasm and ethos - both within and amongst the colleges," enthused Sophia Maguire, an international student.

The UTSU concert immediately followed, where the Sam Roberts Band played.

Carmen Boutot thinks UTSU made a good choice for the headliner. “The concert was great,” he shared. “I got really excited when they played Brother Down."

The week ended with the UTSU after-party at the Guvernment. Students from all three campuses, including Mississauga and Scarborough, joined together and partied carefree.

After all the madness, some first years might have forgotten that on Monday school was to begin, recalling another upper-year who was hopefully kidding when she said, "You better have had fun at Frosh Week, because you are at UofT, your social life will just go downhill from here."

BB: VUSAC election nominations are open until the end of this week! There are 8 Member-at-Large spots open, and two are reserved for first years

If anyone has questions about what it’s like to be on VUSAC, they’re encouraged to contact VP Internal, Karol Dejnicka, at vpi@vusac.ca

News 3

News@thestrand.ca THE STRAND | 15 september 2011

Liberals promise tuition fee relief for Ontario university students lee richardson cup Ontario Bureau chief

TORONTO (CUP) — Ontario Liberal party leader Dalton McGuinty has announced his party would provide grants to the majority of Ontario university students if his party wins the upcoming provincial election.

As part of their new platform, which aims to ease the finances of Ontario families, the Liberals pledge to give grants of $1,600 to university students in families with an income of less than $160,000. The grants would be roughly 30 percent of the average cost of Ontario university tuition. Meanwhile, college students would also be able to receive grants of $730 annually.

Those families making less than $160,000 would be qualified to receive payment effective 1 Jan 2012.

Currently, 86 percent of all Ontario university students are considered eligible to receive the grants.

“The way that it is applied as a separate grant opens up the access for students who don’t want to take on government debt, or who might not apply for OSAP,” said Ontario Undergraduate Student Alliance President Sean Madden. “That’s an important aspect of the program.”

86 percent of all Ontario university students are eligible to receive the promised tuition grants.

The current Ontario government wants to send the message that any person who wants to go for higher education, and has the aptitude to do so, shouldn’t be left behind.

Whether their campaign promises are a reflection of that commitment or just a branding strategy for this election is debatable.

But while the tuition fee relief, which would cost the province $486 million a year, could be helpful for many students, there is concern that not every student would benefit from the campaign promise.

“It’s sort of unfortunate because this isn’t necessarily going to make education more accessible and affordable for all students, because it’s specifically targeting a certain group of students,” said Ryerson Students’ Union vice president of education, Melissa Palermo.

“And there’s no guarantee to stop the increase in tuition fees — so as much as they’re promising $1,600 for university students, as tuition fees go up that’s going to be worth less and less,” she continued. “It’s not going to be worth the same amount as it is

when they implement it now.”

Ontario students currently pay the highest tuition fees in the country.

According to a recent study released by the Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives, tuition fees in Ontario rose by 244 percent between 1990 and 2011.

“The reality is that we are far outpacing inflation,” said Palermo, who added that instead of supplying grants to certain students, Ontario students would benefit overall from a hold on increasing tuition fees.

“A freeze or a reduction would save all students a lot more money,” she said. “It’s becoming less and less affordable for students to come to school as they’re graduating with $37,000 [worth] of debt on average.”

OOHLALA: a top app for back to school Continued from page 1

Active and Other.

Each category is filled with various event listings in the area and, with a little bit of luck, a coupon that can score anything from discounts on purchases to “buy one get one free” deals. Each listing comes with a phone number, address, and approximate distance from one’s current location.

Moreover, switching over to the Social part of the app can reveal other users who are online in the area – an easy way to meet someone else who is looking for something to do.

The app is especially useful for those who are organizing events, such as club leaders and student unions. Registering on the app’s website allows for the creation and synchronization of events across multiple platforms: posting events on OOHLALA automatically posts them to the website calendar, mobile devices, Facebook, and Twitter.

Organizers can also access realtime graphs depicting usage and demographics (age and gender) along with a likes/dislikes counter, to find out what to add to an event to generate greater attendance.

Since the release of the app last fall, the team has received various recognitions and awards. According to Jameel, they won the National Business and Technology Conference business competition and were named runners-up for the Global Student Entrepreneurship competi-

The app is especially useful for event organizers.

tion in Virginia this past August. As detailed in their blog, they also won Queen’s Entrepreneur competition in February and found themselves on the Top 50 Free App List in the Lifestyle category in March.

The app is on track to spread across 50 student associations and campuses by October, representing 600 000 Canadian university and college students.

“OOHLALA was always about connecting students and empowering them, so it is awesome to see our dreams becoming a reality, step-bystep,” says Jameel.

“If you are someone who wants to be more plugged in to university life,

art: bahar banaei

Plans to shut down Centre for Environment appear inevitable Continued from page 1

ty’s summer review of undergraduate environment programs also involved a review of “the aspirations of the units offering the programs,” including those of the Centre for Environment. Only the results of the undergraduate program review have been made public thus far.

All signs point towards the Centre for Environment’s undergraduate teaching being significantly downscaled, if not eliminated.

The announcement of new program proposals comes on the heels of federal budget cuts to Environment Canada that have resulted in the Harper government’s decision to end environmental research partnerships with the university.

The Centre for Environment currently hosts a branch of Environment Canada’s Adaptation and Impacts Research Section (AIRS). UofT’s branch focuses on the AIRS side, developing cutting-edge new methods, technologies, and even ecosystems to respond to the social, economic and ecological problems posed by environmental change.

With the AIRS branch scheduled for closing, research initiatives at the entire Centre for Environment are left that much more vulnerable to withdrawal of support from the Faculty of Arts and Science. Coupled with the aforementioned vulnerability of the Centre’s undergraduate teaching, plans to close the Centre appear to be inevitable, and may well be in

the works.

Whether the federal budget cuts were an impetus for the Faculty’s academic review is hard to determine, since the two events were roughly contemporaneous. Nevertheless, it is plausible that the cuts have been a contributing factor in the Faculty’s academic planning from the time they were announced onward.

The memo invites input throughout the month of September from faculty members, staff, and students from academic divisions that offer environment programs, including geography, forestry, and many science departments. Included in the consultation are questions about “how best to administer and support” the proposed programs, as well as “possible implications” for divisions that offer the existing programs (such as the Centre) if the programs are no longer to be administered and supported by those divisions.

If the Centre for Environment is shut down, everyone currently working in the Centre will be displaced, and those who are not cross-appointed will be out of jobs. All the resources provided to students by the Centre, including research opportunities and internships, will be gone. And the new environmental programs being proposed, along with everyone enrolled in them, will no longer have the dignity of a central department they can call home.

Photo: Meghan Lawson

check out what OOHLALA has to offer. If you like meeting other engaged university students, or care about the causes that matter to us - such as waste reduction and access to postsecondary education - then you will love our app.”

You can visit http://gotoohlala.com/ to download the app or to find more information.

Don’t be a snooze!

Write for the news! news@thestrand.ca

4 Opinions

Editor: Muna Mire

War and the human condition after 9/11 Dan Smeenk STAFF WRITER

“Truth is the first casualty of war” is a cliché, but like many clichés it expresses a terrible truth, one which we should be especially reminded of come the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. It is a historical fact, almost without exception, that each side in a war uses distortion and outright fabrication to portray their own side as superior and the enemy inferior.

While it is necessary to remember the victims of this horrible tragedy 10 years ago, doing merely that does not provoke any sort of critical thought about what humanity actually learned or reaffirmed from that day. What is most important about this 10 year anniversary is that it forces us to look in retrospect and assess ourselves honestly, particularly in a time of war. This assessment reveals that the populations of NATO-aligned countries after 9/11 have demonstrated history’s tendency to repeat itself.

While it is true that if asked, many politicians in North American and Western European countries will not openly show dislike towards Muslims, there is a growing political class, in Europe and among U.S. Republican representatives such as Peter King, which openly propagates anti-Muslim sentiment. These smear tactics against Muslims have also seen mainstream acceptance of intellectual mediocrities such as Mark Steyn in Canada and Ann Coulter in the United States, many of whom

came out of obscurity after 9/11 by stirring up anti-Muslim sentiment.

Repetitious phrases such as “Islamic jihad” and “radical Islamic extremists” used by these figures take root in the minds of the mass populace.

After 9/11, prejudice against Muslims increased dramatically. The Pew Research Centre reports that from November 2001 to August 2010, the percentage of Americans who had a favourable opinion of Islam dropped from 40 percent to 30 percent. In Europe, in 2010, more than half of Spaniards and Germans responded that they had unfavourable opinions of Muslims, as did 46 percent of Poles, and 38 percent of the French.

Although it is worth mentioning that this is not simply because of terrorism – but also concerns issues surrounding European immigration.

The hijackers were largely middle class men in their late teens and early 20s who thought in the tradition of Islamists such as Sayyid Qutb (a man who heavily influenced Osama bin Laden). When one reads the letters of Osama bin Laden, his “Letter to America” written in October 2002 for example, his stated reasons for orchestrating the 9/11 attacks were Western colonialism and militarism.

Bin Laden also highlights the propping up of corrupt dictators in Arab countries (including the Israeli government and military) as the main reason for the destitute living standards of much of the Arab world. The CIA terms this blowback; in everyday language we call it revenge.

The case of the FLQ and other nonIslamic separatist groups such as the Basques in Spain, the Tamil Tigers in Sri Lanka, and the PKK in Turkey all point to a picture of terrorism we too often don’t consider.

From reading the writings and listening to the speeches of intellectual hacks like Coulter and Steyn, it is almost as if they believe that Muslims are the only group of people who, at least in modern times, are susceptible to barbarous acts. Desires for revenge and jihad, which in English literally translates to “struggle,’ are universal responses to perceived oppressive or immoral actions taken against human beings. Terrorism is the weapon of the weak. Coulter and her contemporaries would do better to note that expressions of superiority become contradictory when one fills oneself with the same sort of hatred that those terrorists had on 9/11.

When one does that, one no longer has a claim to superiority at all.

Ten years have passed since the 9/11 attacks - what have we learned?

PHOTO: FLICKR/scott_bl8ke

If a basic intellectual exercise were to be applied to those who criticize Islam as inherently fanatic, one would have to look at how a Westerner would react if told all our social ills were traceable to some foreign power. History has however, set up many such examples. Although Canadians now like to forget this, it was in

Quebec during the Quiet Revolution that social and economic inequalities between French and English Canada helped to create radical terrorist cells such as the FLQ. While this may not have been on the same scale as international Islamic terrorism, the FLQ’s grievances were also directed at smaller scale oppression.

Do you like to express your views in an inflammatory manner?

Great! Write to: opinions @thestrand.ca and get yourself published!

Violence in hockey: Is the cost too high?

Fiona Buchanan Editor-in-chief

I was brought up on hockey. My father used to play when I was a young child and I remember going to watch his games. He even took me to the odd Flames game when I was a little girl, and those remain some of the fondest memories of my childhood. I loved the chants, the chill of the ice, and the exciting atmosphere. I loved seeing my team win. I don’t remember a single scrap, not one bout of violence on the ice – and if I did witness any fights, they obviously weren’t the highlight of the game for me.

When I watch hockey these days, I’ve noticed that fights seem to be the highlight for many people.

Some say that fighting is just part of the game. My brothers, who both play hockey and who have both had their fair share of fights, tell me to get over it. They say that sometimes, you just have to teach other players a lesson. I, on the other hand, don’t see fighting as something that contributes to hockey in a positive way at all. Since this type of behaviour would be considered assault if it occurred on the street or in someone’s home, it is extremely problematic that it is so glorified on the ice.

Fighting doesn’t help a team to win; more often, it is an immature expression of a player’s anger toward an opponent who breaks the rules. The fact that players feel the need to enforce the rules beyond the authority of the referee suggests that the rules aren’t working and stiffer consequences for dangerous behaviour need to be enforced.

Allowing fighting in hockey legitimizes a loss of control through violent expression. And what kind of a message does this send to young people? How can minor leagues promote sportsmanship as the cornerstone of the game when children see their idols punching out their opponents in retaliation for a cheap shot or a snide remark?

While doing my research on this topic, I searched ‘NHL fighting’, hoping to find an article reviewing recent controversy over the issue.

Instead, the first item to pop up in Google was www.hockeyfights. com. The website actually ranks players by a ‘Fight Total’. At the top of the list is George Parros, a player ranked as one of the worst when it comes to actual game stats – he has scored a whopping 16 goals and 13 assists in the seven seasons he has played in the NHL. While Parros isn’t known for his skill as a right winger, he is famous for his ability to kick the shit out of opponents when his team requests it. Meanwhile, the Oilers lost one of their best players, Taylor Hall, for the rest of the 2010-11 season after a fight in March that resulted in an injury to his ankle. Even more concerning, over the past four months, three NHL enforcers – another word for players that are essentially paid to fight – tragically ended their own lives.

The accidental overdose of Derek Boogaard in May, and the more recent suicides of Rick Rypien and Wade Belak have sparked controversy about the effects of fighting in the NHL. It is impossible to link their deaths directly to the effects

How do the Conservatives expect to reduce the deficit without raising taxes? PHOTO: FLICKR/COFFEEGO

It sells tickets, but do we need to take a step back and reevaluate violence in hockey culture?

of their violent roles in hockey, but given that all three were enforcers and all three died under similar circumstances, more people are asking if fighting really belongs in the game.

One of the drivers for violence in hockey is money. Violence sells.

Fans love it and they will pay to see it. Back in 2002, I attended a Flames game in the Saddledome with more than half the seats empty. The team had been doing terribly for a quite

some time, and when they realized they didn’t have a chance to win against the Ducks, they provoked an infamous brawl that ended the game. The crowd loved it and the next time the Ducks came to Calgary, the Saddledome sold out.

The survival of any sport has to do with the money it brings in. But there are more creative ways of attracting fans without risking the lives of players and contributing to a growing culture that encourages

ART: BAHAR BANAEI

violence as a form of entertainment. Hockey should be a sport that gets attention for the skill involved, for the excitement that accompanies the game itself. Fans shouldn’t require violence to enhance their enjoyment of an already incredible game.

Opinions 5

Opinions@thestrand.ca THE STRAND | 15 september 2011

Why Seinfeld is (still) a sitcom worth watching Muna Mire Opinions Editor

Recently, in a roundabout way, I’ve gotten back into watching Seinfeld.

Growing up, I watched it occasionally when TBS ran reruns. I’d always appreciated the individual character quirks and petty humour, but I didn’t think there was anything there I couldn’t find elsewhere on TV. It was only when I got into Curb Your Enthusiasm and appreciated its structure that I re-watched Seinfeld. It was then that I could appreciate the narrative genius of the show.

Seinfeld really is a show about nothing. It’s not just that nothing happens – it’s also quite nihilistic in some senses. It certainly deserves its Wikipedia moniker as “the first television series since Monty Python’s Flying Circus to be widely described as postmodern.” What I mean is, Seinfeld is both absurd and maximally unsympathetic.

According to co-creator Larry David, there are two axioms that encapsulate the narrative progress of the series: 1. no hugs; 2. no growth.

This is to say, in the Seinfeld universe, there is neither pathos nor evolution.

The characters do not feel and they do not grow. We don’t get to know them in the sense that we watch them progress emotionally or spiritually, we get to know them in the sense that we watch them tread the same ground – physically and emotionally – over a lengthy period of time.

It’s banal. It is the sentimental setup utterly devoid of any sentiment – and of course, that’s why it’s humorous.

That’s the punch line.

At times Seinfeld flirts with parody or pastiche, but there is also something self-satisfied in its banality. The show itself stubbornly remains devoid of the institutions and regularity of sitcom television – there’s nothing quite grounding it. This is also true of the way the show plays with time. It

relies on an unanchored banality – even the four walls of Jerry’s apartment are not constants – the show doesn’t reliably begin or end there.

I’m a girl that loves her sitcoms.

Nick @Nite programming was my lifeblood growing up – The Cosby Show, Roseanne, Full House, Golden Girls, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. These were all shows I watched over and over as a kid. These shows had structure – not a postmodern semblance – but actual structure.

When you end up in Danny Tanner’s kitchen at the end of an episode of Full House, you’ve travelled with the show’s characters emotionally, despite ending up in the same space you started in. There’s something to be said for that.

But at the end of the day, none of those shows have what Seinfeld has.

What Seinfeld has is the narrative equivalent of a chaotic system. Tiny variations in initial circumstances are amplified dramatically – and

seemingly deterministically – to produce wildly unpredictable outcomes, often at the expense of others. Seinfeld is pure misanthropic chaos. And there’s something to be said for that, too.

I am now a seasoned fan of plot minutiae, and that specifically Seinfeld brand of indescribable character weirdness.

I am now a seasoned fan of plot minutiae, and that specifically Seinfeld brand of indescribable character weirdness. This is the narrative genius of Seinfeld. The comic possibilities are endless – and there is something about the medium of television that removes the work from observing banality. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve just given up on reading about nothing. It’s really

just not the same as watching a show about nothing.

Take Flaubert’s novel-about-nothing Madame Bovary, for example. Or The Sun Also Rises – a book I hoped would grow a plot suddenly until the last page. Or imagine sitting through Beckett’s Waiting for Godot. There is just so much more work involved in any of these ventures.

It may have taken some time and a grudging acknowledgement that Seinfeld wasn’t the end of one of my favourite television genres, the sitcom, but I’m out there now, and I’m loving every minute of it!

In defence of foreskins

Circumcision is mutilation and should be banned Amelia Calbry-Muzyka The Cord (Wilfrid Laurier University)

WATERLOO (CUP) — On 8 Nov. residents of San Francisco, California will be voting on an issue that has raised a number of strong voices and opinions.

Since reaching the required 7,100 signatures in May, the November ballot is set to include a proposal for a circumcision ban, which would make it “unlawful to circumcise, excise, cut or mutilate the whole or any part of the foreskin, testicles, or penis of another person who has not attained the age of 18 years.”

Anyone found violating this would face up to one year of jail time as well as a $1,000 fine.

The only exception to this rule would be for circumstances where circumcision is the last available treatment option in matters relating to the physical health of the individual.

Anyone found violating this would face up to one year of jail time as well as a $1,000 fine. The only exception to this rule would be for circumstances where circumcision is the last available treatment option in matters relating to the physical health of the individual. Should this ban take effect, young boys would be saved from an unnecessary procedure they are incapable of consenting to.

This groundbreaking proposal has received a number of objections, all of which can be narrowed down to two main points — health and freedom of religion. Both of these objections provide insufficient reasons for maintaining the status quo and disregard the fact that circumcision, without medical necessity or the individual’s consent, is nothing less

adopted in the United States in the late 19th century to prevent or treat a number of health conditions, including everything from mental illness and tuberculosis to excessive masturbation and blindness. Today, routine circumcision is generally performed for so-called hygienic reasons, with the perception that an uncircumcised penis is an unclean one.

While the uncircumcised penis does indeed require a slightly more thorough cleaning, there is no evi-

man immunodeficiency virus (HIV) through heterosexual sex than uncircumcised men. These results have been replicated in similar trials conducted in Kenya and Uganda.

These trials only serve to show the potential benefit of circumcision in sub-Saharan Africa, where there are high rates of heterosexual transmission of HIV, partially as a result of low condom use. In industrialized countries like the United States, HIV is not nearly as prevalent and sexual educa-

come to view the ban as a direct attack on their right to freedom of religion, fearing that a circumcision ban

Some argue that a ban on circumcision would be a violation of the first amendment is just the first step in an upcoming attack on their religious practices as

in the United States has become the norm. It is seen as a harmless, routine procedure as well as an affirmation of manhood. In truth, it is a mind-boggling double standard. The removal of sensitive tissue in females is regarded as atrocious, while the removal of the similar tissue in males is viewed as customary. This ban is not the result of overbearing government attempting to weasel its way into the private lives of individuals, but rather one which acknowledges that no one should be

than mutilation.

Routine neonatal circumcision was

If health is no longer a factor, does the circumcision argument have a leg to stand on?

dence that proves a circumcised penis is more hygienic than an uncircumcised one. In addition, studies to determine whether or not an uncircumcised male holds a higher chance of contracting penile cancer and/or urinary tract infections have been inconclusive. The only health benefit to circumcision was found in a 2005 randomized controlled trial in South Africa, where it was found that circumcised men in that area were 60 percent less likely to contract hu-

tion and birth control are widely and easily available. The justification for circumcision in terms of health benefits simply does not hold.

Some argue that a ban on circumcision would be a violation of the first amendment of the United States Constitution, which protects the right to freedom of religion from government interference.

Circumcision has a long religious history, specifically with Jewish and Muslim faiths. As a result, some have

PHOTO: FLICKR/London looks

a whole.

What these individuals fail to realize is that, rather than being an attack on religious practices, it is a step forward in recognizing an individual’s right to his own body. A ban recognizes that a male should be entitled to protection from harmful religious acts and unnecessary medical practices he cannot consent to. It recognizes that just because a practice is traditional, it is not necessary. In the last hundred years, male circumcision

subjected to harmful and unnecessary medical procedures without their consent, regardless of tradition.

6 Editorial

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EDITORIAL PHOTOS: TORONTO STOP THE CUTS

Cut Ford, not services fiona buchanan editor-in-chief

Since Rob Ford was elected, I have tried approaching discussions of his leadership moderately. After all, the political leanings of the mayor shouldn’t really affect the day to day operations of the city. Any disillusioned voter will tell you that nothing really changes in federal, provincial, or municipal politics no matter who you elect. And for the most part, this is true, with the exception of the Rob Ford regime.

Toronto may have made the worst decision in its history bringing in Ford to “stop the gravy train.” While Ford ran on a platform to cut wasteful spending - an appealing option for all tax-payers - when it turned out there wasn’t a lot of gravy after all, he started targeting some of the most important services to Torontonians. Instead of lessening the burden on taxpayers, the cuts proposed under Ford will make life harder for taxpayers, particularly for the poorer residents of Toronto.

Ford’s approach is narrow, short sighted and bafflingly ignorant. Not only will the cuts to services such as social housing, libraries, and childcare affect the most marginalized people in Toronto first, but it will lead to far more expensive consequences for the city down the road.

Without adequate affordable housing for Torontonians, homelessness can be expected to rise. Homelessness is far more costly to society, costing millions more dollars per year to deal with its associated expenses. Greater rates of visible homelessness detract businesses from investing in Toronto when they can easily move to cities that they consider better places for doing business.

Toronto may have made the worst decision in its history bringing in Ford to “stop the gravy train.”

Less libraries mean less community resources, particularly for new immigrants who benefit from ESL and other literacy programs. Without access to a library in one’s community, it more difficult for those without internet access to connect with the job market and make use of skills development. There are also many community groups that use libraries for their meetings. A lower availability of childcare will result in more families struggling to find child care to suit their financial circumstances;

they may find themselves in situations where they cannot make ends meet. All these cuts will result in an unhealthy Toronto and, while they may save money this year, or even for the duration of Ford’s term in office, someone will have to fix the problems of these cuts down the road.

In case I wasn’t clear: Ford’s policies will end up costing tax payers MORE in the long run.

Furthermore, the Ford Administration’s agenda is clearly more ideological than practical. While Ford argued that stopping the gravy train could reduce millions of dollars in wasteful spending each year, some of the services on the chopping block actually save the city money or cover their own costs. Toronto Environmental Office reportedly saves the city 50 million dollars per year, and yet the city manager has recommended a reduction in its services. Cutting a service that saves the city money can’t possibly help with the $774 deficit, can it? Or is there some mathematical formula that Ford is keeping from us?

But I’ve been a bit hard on Ford. I mean, he is only one guy. And in our municipal system, one guy doesn’t get all that much power. The mayor gets to set the agenda, but he can’t push through just anything he wants. Given that Ford’s proposals will be terrible for Toronto, given that so many citizens have mobilized in opposition to the proposed service cuts (from queer services to public transit), why would city councillors vote in favour of the cuts? Maybe the shortfall of the anti-Ford movement is precisely that it is only anti-Ford. The focus should be on the other 44 votes in council chambers, since it’s pretty clear that Ford isn’t going to change his mind.

Not for nobody!

While there are major problems with Ford’s priorities and the beliefs driving all the service cuts, the biggest problem is that Ford is trying to solve a structural issue that is not in his power to solve. The real culprit in Toronto’s struggle to make ends meet is the province of Ontario. Provincial downloading to the municipal level has put Toronto in quite a pinch.

Thanks to the “common-sense” revolution of the late 90s, social housing, socials services, public heath programs, and municipal infrastructure (to name a few) were awarded as new responsibilities to Toronto without the funding to adequately provide it. So Toronto left with two choices: increase property taxes and user fees to provide the services, or cut them.

Whether it is Rob Ford making cuts to services or some other mayor increasing taxes to make ends meet, this should not be the solution.

Toronto, which makes up 23 percent of the population of Ontario should be a bigger priority for the Province. Toronto needs more funding to meet the needs of its increasing population and to deal with the social challenges that arise as a result of living in the most highly concentrated area of the country.

pauline Holdsworth editor-in-chief

The constant repetition of words like “gravy”, “unnecessary”, and “fat” by brothers Rob and Doug Ford has driven their point home, hard enough to create the illusion that the city budget is full to the brim with bloated, obvious targets for removal.

But cut a few city councillor perks and our $774 million deficit hardly takes a hit. After these original gravy items are gone, “unnecessary” is left dangling, and in need of new territory to claim. Unfortunately, in Ford’s vocabulary, this is a term that’s shifted to stand for vital public services, labelling our public service workers as “gravy” and public transportation as a luxury.

The rhetoric of “unnecessary” creates a fiction of objectivity, in which balancing the budget is a primarily mechanical task. One can almost imagine some shadowy “budget-balancer”, removed from prejudice or political context, and whose cosmic fairness is beyond reproach. But the item lines in our municipal budget are not simple mathematical variables, being considered only for their monetary weight .

Ultimately, the decision to target or cut services is ideologically motivated. Each of those variables or lines of text denote services with incredibly personal and political significance, both to those who use them and those involved in balancing the budget.

No one can deny the size of the deficit. It’s the rhetoric surrounding it which needs careful scrutiny. It masks ideological attacks with the language of objectivity.

The Toronto Stop the Cuts meeting took place in Dufferin Grove Park on 10 Sept., giving Toronto residents the opportunity to not only express discontent, but set priorities and redefine “necessity.” The group’s website describes Ford’s representation of the d e f i cit as a “manu-

factured crisis that is being used as an excuse to cut services, hike user fees, privatize public services, and lay off workers.” No one can deny the size of the deficit. It’s the rhetoric surrounding it which needs careful scrutiny. It masks ideological attacks with the language of objectivity, repeated until it’s easy to believe.

In the wake of Ford’s cuts, it has become increasingly clear that “cutting spending” was always at least partially synonymous with “cutting services”.

Talk of austerity is everywhere these days, particularly on the global level. It’s on the municipal level that the effects of these cuts are most tangible, and most personal. In the wake of Ford’s cuts, it has become increasingly clear that “cutting spending” was always partially synonymous with “cutting services”.

These shifting definitions have not gone unnoticed, and the hundreds of par ticipants in the 10 Sept. meeting are a testament to that.

In the wake of Ford’s proposed cuts to the Toronto Public Library system, the Toronto Star interviewed the users of targeted libraries, some of whom had voted for Ford and continued to support him in the early days of his terms. They were faced with the unpleasant surprise of realizing that the “gravy” he promised to remove meant something very different - and very necessary - to them.

The proximity of targeted services makes discussing austerity cuts increasingly personal and contentious.

The way that we talk about what’s necessary is still a matter of considerable debate. It’s time to redefine “unnecessary” in our own language - not Ford’s.

Editorial 7

Editor@thestrand.ca THE STRAND | 15 september 2011

SEX100Y1Y, LEC0102 with Dr. SexLove Dear

Dr. SexLove,

I’m a first year student living in residence, and, as it turns out, the living is… well, a bit too close for comfort. I met this girl who I really want to bring over to my room, but we need some privacy. My roommate is really cool, but I feel a bit awkward talking to him about my sex life. What should I say to him to get some time alone in my room?

- Close Quarters

Dear Close Quarters, Living in residence sure can be awkward, can’t it? Having someone else living with you in the same room can sure make it difficult when you want to have some intimacy with another person. The last thing you want is your roommate asking you to quiet down from the other side of the room when you are in the heat of the moment with that special someone.

While you may have many years ahead of you when you have your own quarters and can invite over whomever you want whenever you want, for this year at least, you will need to make some compromises. I don’t know your roommate personally, but I’m going to assume that he might want some privacy from time to time as well. The best thing you can do for yourself and your roommate is to talk. You don’t have to go into detail about exactly what you plan to do with this lady-friend of yours, in fact, it might be a better idea not to. As Ja Rule and Christina

Milian put it, “Every little thing that we do, should be between me and you,” - and they didn’t mean your roommate.

Try bringing it up casually and in a way that makes it seem like a good deal for him too. Offer him Friday nights alone in the room if you can have Saturdays. Or if he’s not able to crash somewhere else on a night when you want the space, then make it time based so that the room will be yours until 1 or 2am – he might be out late some nights anyways. Your roommate will probably be more accommodating if you give him plenty of notice. Let him know a few days in advance when you plan to have this girl over.

And make sure you are accommodating too. If you’re expecting him to find somewhere else to go so that you can have your alone time, make it clear to him that you are happy to do the same when he would like some privacy. Have fun and don’t forget the condom!

- Dr. SexLove Don’t be shy!

Ask anything and

Dr. SexLove

will answer!

Write to me at: doctorsexlove@gmail.com

Victoria College

20th annual Book Sale 22 September – 26 September, 2011 In OLD VIC (ALUMNI HALL & THE CHAPEL) 91 Charles Street West (at Museum Subway Exit)

5 days of Heaven for Bibliomaniacs! ed

h nis

e epl y! r ck dail o t S

Al l Am sub az jec in t a good books: g pr rea ice s: used, new, old, rare! s!

Thousands of

Thursday September 22: 4pm - 9pm* Friday September 23: 10am - 8pm Saturday September 24:11am -6pm Sunday September 25: 11am - 6pm Monday September 26: 10am - 8pm (half-price day!) *First night only -- admission $3; students free with ID No Admission friday - Monday

For more information call 416-585-4585 or email vic.booksale@utoronto.ca Proceeds to Victoria University Library.

*All submissions will be kept confidential.

THE STRAND PRESENTS

THE STRAND RECRUITMENT NIGHT ON

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 28TH AT

THE BIRGE-CARNEGIE READING ROOM 95 CHARLES ST. WEST

PIZZA WILL BE HAD BY ALL!

Calling all deliveryinclined boys & girls!

You don’t need to be muscular to deliver our paper, but you do need to look as cool sitting in a wagon as our managing editor does.

We will pay you to do this.

E-mail editor@thestrand.ca to apply

8 Features

Editors: Catriona Spaven-Donn And Corrie Jackson

From sipping tea in Kenya, to swinging branches in Ecuador: UofT has it all.

The Summer Abroad program opens a “living textbook” of learning and discovery; Catriona Spaven-Donn finds out how.

Canadian students look out over the Great Rift Valley in the Masai Mara Reserve, Kenya

It seems fitting that in a city as diverse as Toronto, its university lives up to the international reputation. Not only do students come from different backgrounds, they also engage with these other cultures, both in the classroom and abroad.

The city and its institutions encourage each inhabitant to respect their neighbour and in this way, many nations live side by side. Torontonians undoubtedly represent every country there is, bringing the globe to one dot on the world map.

Furthermore, as a a city shaped by immigration, Toronto entices travel. A mere journey to the shops becomes a walk through eclectic nations, a dive from one continent to another as languages blur and come together, the only divides between Italy and China being a few street signs. After this, surely you want to see the real places? Exotic tastes and smells can only hold one off for so long; eventually you’re bound to get the travel bug!

Toronto’s geographical location may not make for easy travel; after all, being in such a large, isolated continent, it is not always an economically viable option. Some of us can go into internationally-focused degrees like Political Science or International Relations and still have never left the country. However, while attending university, opportunities suddenly become available.

It’s always said that this is the best time of our lives to travel: we don’t have the commitments, worries, wrinkles, or responsibilities that we know are coming up fast, and most of all, we are desperately curious about what the world can offer us.

As a city shaped by immigration, Toronto entices travel

PHOTO: UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO SUMMER ABROAD PROGRAM

The University of Toronto allows for travel; not the sun, sea, sand kind, but that which opens your eyes.

The word “expansion” is used a lot at university, and perhaps it is most pertinent when discussing going abroad. Any journey to somewhere new will be educational, but adding real classroom lear ing to that experience makes for a whole new level of university study.

A team working on their square at a site in Jordan

photo: University of Toronto Summer Abroad Program Caitriona Brennan, Victoria College’s very own Coordinator for International Student Life and Study Abroad, describes studying abroad as an adventure in which “rather than pass through as a tourist, you will become part of the fabric and culture of your host country.” In her list of reasons to study abroad, the caption “Become a Global Citizen” stands out.

Surely, living in Toronto, one of the most multicultural cities in the world, we are automatically global citizens? We are exposed to the traditions and customs of different people from different places every day. We consider ourselves a tolerant, accepting and engaging nation. UofT, however, takes the study of the international quite a few steps further. Living in Austria and taking a course entitled “Bringing Southeast Europe into the European Union,” or living in Sydney and taking an “Aboriginal Australia” course not only introduces the student to a new country, but allows them to immerse PHOTO: UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO SUMMER ABROAD PR0GRAM themselves in its history and culture. With this level of insight, you are not a tourist. As Vic advertises, you are layered in a detailed behind-the-scenes view of a country that, three weeks earlier, you may have known little or nothing about. Returning from such an experience, perhaps walking the streets of Toronto

You are layered in a detailed behind-thescenes view of a country that, three weeks earlier, you may have known little or nothing about

Dig and discover at one of the seven wonders of the world, Petra, Jordan

Features 9

Features@thestrand.ca THE STRAND | 15 september 2011

is slightly different. It isn’t just the vague recognition of the surrounding international faces, voices, clothes; it is the knowledge of where they come from. In the Summer Abroad brochure, one caption reads: “See the world through new eyes.”

The University of Toronto’s international focus is second to none. Bursaries and scholarships for thousands of dollars are available to students, and President Gooch of Victoria College actively encourages everyone to travel, no matter their financial situation, no matter their field of study. We are also in a privileged position at Vic, as no other college has staff in the same position as Caitriona Brennan, appointed to focus specifically on international issues at the university.

The Summer Abroad programme is run by Woodsworth College and offers courses on seven continents. English courses on Shakespeare or the Oxford Novel are offered in Italy and England respectively. Marketing, Management and Politics courses are offered in China.

Geography and Religion courses are offered in Germany. A European History course is offered in the Czech Republic and other Central European countries. A Peace and Conflict Studies course is offered in Kenya. An Applied Science course is offered in India… the list goes on.

It is not uncommon to hear people at UofT sighing as they flip through the 600 page calendar and say wistfully, “I wish I could do everything.” In the same vein, people may glance at the array of programmes offered for summer abroad and say, “I wish I could go everywhere.”

The good thing is that travelling with a university organized, supervised and run program, it’s a lot easier to “go everywhere.”

Sarah Berger, a student recently returned from Jordan, says that she definitely recommends going there with the Archaeology Department.

Sarah says, “If you’ve never travelled before, it’s a very safe way to do it.” Rather than organizing a quick holiday jaunt to get away from the city, UofT makes it possible to do something more exciting, more beneficial and more memorable.

“We spent a lot of time on overnight field trips, and during those, the classroom was the field.”

Jungle expedition in the Ecuadorian Amazon

Often there are no prerequisites to Summer Abroad programmes. Before embarking upon the Jordan Summer Abroad programme, many people take Archaeology NMC260, which is the theoretical course of the excavation work they are doing. However, Sarah had never taken an Archaeology course; she says that the year before, many people applied from all sorts of different academic backgrounds. Drama students, science students and humanities students alike worked side by side on their “squares” and all learned together.

Around eight students from last year returned this summer and became “square supervisors,” advising on the excavation in their few metres of ground. Sarah noted that students majoring in Archaeology “wouldn’t get that much independence on site until grad school.” In that way, the programme to Jordan is different from other academic Woodsworth summer courses.

The students wake at 4:30 am in the dusty heat of the Middle East to excavate ancient artefacts and explore sites of historical beauty all around the region. It seems far removed from the tiresome walks to Sid Smith through the snow in the winter term!

Equally removed from the wellknown UofT routine is the Centre for the Environment course in Ecuador.

The field course, entitled “Ecology and Conservation in the Amazon, Two blue-footed boobies in harmony on the Galapagos Galapagos and Andes,” is hosted at Islands Photo: cailin ahloy the University of San Francisco in

Quito. The program moves to the Andes highlands, then the Tiputini Biodiversity Station, “in one of the few remaining pristine rainforests in Ecuador,” and finally, the ecologically unique Galapagos Islands. As well as first hand experience of some of the most fascinating natural habitats, there are also midterms and challenging classes, held in classrooms at the USFQ. Cailin took part in the programme over the summer and explains: “We spent a lot of the time on overnight field trips and during those, the classroom was the field.” She goes on to describe the professors, both from UofT and the USFQ; all experts in their field. One professor, a bat expert, had recently discovered two new species. Cailin’s enthusiasm for what they did and what they learned went beyond words: “There were so many opportunities you would never have had if you just went to visit Ecuador.”

Clearly, study abroad facilitates a programme that enables a comprehension and analysis of a culture, ecosystem and habitat that would otherwise be completely unavailable to the average visitor.

This kind of hands-on education dispels the common notion that all learning should benefit a career path. It’s a worrying idea to associate all learning, all “expansion” and wide-eyed curiosity, with a practical goal. Of course, carrying out the routine of termtime classes and the discussion of credits, majors and breadth requirements seems altogether disconnected from going to Jordan or Ecuador in the summer.

So when an opportunity like that is offered to you that will benefit your university degree and add to your course credits, grab it.

Learning any culture, any subject, any country’s history or language, is perhaps not “necessary,” but it is most certainly going to be one of the most interesting and mindexpanding things you can do. And that’s what university is about, after all.

Our university offers so many diverse opportunities to go abroad. An affiliate of the university, World University Services PHOTO: LEILA KENT Canada, is an international development organization that works with post-secondary institutions to promote global understanding through education.

In exploring the wealth of places to study around the world, perhaps we should look to WUSC’s mission statement about overseas learning. They state: “Education changes the world.” In experiencing education elsewhere, you are undoubtedly one step closer to contributing to your local, national and global communities in different and profound ways. However, the world and its hundreds of cultures, histories and languages, also changes education, as the UofT Summer Abroad program has proved.

We at UofT are so lucky to be able to travel under a supervised program, learn from university professors and keep learning just by looking at the surroundings of the new place we’ve found ourselves in.

So, after a month away in a foreign country with discussions had, essays written, ideas explored, the term starts back in Toronto. And one thing’s for sure: these streets certainly don’t look the same anymore.

If you’re interested in completing a Summer Abroad Programme at U of T, visit www. summerabroad.uto ronto.ca

The earth from the air: The Andes and the Amazon Basin

PHOTO: LEILA KENT

10 Arts & Culture

EditorS: lEILA kENT and anNE Rucchetto

Intimate art makes a comeback at Siesta Nouveaux Anne rucchetto arts & culture Editor

Nazareth Bar: Low prices and long lines Leila Kent arts & culture editor

It seems that of late, tightly knit art communities have been falling out of fashion in Toronto. As the recklessly jubilant concert goers, interested art admirers, and zealous theatre enthusiasts morph into coolly detached mobs of tepid appreciation, it seems increasingly difficult to find intimate environments where people present are genuinely enjoying themselves. But at 15 Lower Sherbourne, one back-alley venue is changing all that.

Siesta Nouveaux is a one-room venue which houses concerts, live theatre, and art events. As far as acoustics go, it may not be the best, but the exuberance of the performers and guests goes a long way to balance out any sound-quality shortfalls. Largely underpublicized, shows are usually small but packed, with the venue’s capacity somewhere around 100 to 120.

Lynne Rafter, Siesta Nouveaux’s operator, is a charming presence at every event. A direct change from your usual grim-faced bouncer, Lynne herself is a musician and singer in the band Me and My Scarecrow. Although she may not be intimidating, Lynne has concrete standards for every event in the space. She is a great supporter of live music, theatre, and art, but if you’re

The unremarkable exterior of Siesta Nouveaux on Sherbourne

interested in hosting a private party or borderline rave, Siesta Nouveaux is not the place for you. Furthermore, there are strict rules in regards to underage drinking, and IDs are requested at the door.

Most importantly, Siesta Nouveaux brings democratization back to the Toronto arts scene. Here exists a space that is intimate without pretentious

exclusivity, and truly fun. Attending a show at 15 Lower Sherbourne ensures a departure from the sullen antics that have spread like an epidemic through other small Toronto venues (not naming names). The crowd is friendly, accepting, and the other occupants of the building at this artist’s co-op will often make an appearance, happy to socialize with visitors. So keep an eye out for

PHOTO: FIONA BUCHANAN

Siesta Nouveaux’s upcoming events, and remember to bring your dancing shoes out of their dusty roosting place — you’re going to need them.

Featured Artist: Zoë Martin A third-year psychology student who likes looking at junk and drawing things, and taking stuff out of its original visual or narrative context

Self Portrait

art: Zoe Martin

Grizzly

art: Zoe Martin

Nazareth (969 Bloor St. West) is kind of like your family’s cooking — unless your parent is a pro, the real value is the comfort and the nostalgia, while the food itself doesn’t really stand out from the crowd. This restaurant does not serve the most exquisitely prepared Ethiopian meals, or deliver the most consistent service, but if you know when to go and what to order, it’s satisfying and cheap.

Go with one other person, maybe two. Arrive between 4 and 6pm. Don’t bother going between 6 and 9; the speed of service, the popularity, and the size of the restaurant all combine to ensure you’ll wait in a long line and probably leave dissatisfied.

If it’s between 6 and 9, don’t try to get take-out because they don’t offer it during busy hours. Instead try Lalibela (1045 Danforth Ave.) or Queen of Sheba (1051 Bloor St. West), where you’re more likely to find space. For delicious alternatives in the East end, go for Dukem (950 Danforth Ave.) or Rendezvous (1048 Danforth Ave.).

If you do make it to Nazareth during the recommended hours, you’re doing well. If no one comes to take your order after a couple minutes, send a messenger up to the bar with your order. Get the vegetarian sampler. I’ve heard their meat dishes can be hit-and-miss, and the vegetarian stuff is full of high protein legumes so why bother with the meat? For $8, the platter will arrive steaming with dollops of several kinds of well-spiced thick stews made with lentils, potatoes, chickpeas, spinach, and sweet potato.

These are heaped on injera: flat, spongy, slightly sour-tasting Ethiopian flatbread made from teff flour.

Eat using your right hand, picking up the softer food with the injera. The veggie sampler should be enough to fill two hungry people. Two platters (that’s just $16) were enough to fill three hungry people past the point of belt-loosening, and into the realm of belt-removal (and a fierce desire to not be wearing pants at all).

The prices are great, but the prices at Queen of Sheba are comparable. Nazareth is nicer to sit in, but the line-ups are not ideal for most people’s dinner hour. All-in-all, the meal was good, but I’m not sure why people swear by the food. Other similar restaurants nearby have longer menus and much less competition for service.

The best thing about Nazareth (the restaurant is named after its owner) were the anecdotes I heard about her while we polished off our platters. Apparently, when she first expanded the restaurant, only half of it had an alcohol license. When someone on the wrong side of the restaurant asked for a drink, she’d subtly nudge their table over. Apparently, some people ask for cutlery. Nazareth smiles sweetly and says “No.” Apparently, one night, after the kitchen staff had left, a regular came in saying he was hungry. “How hungry?” Nazareth asked. “Very,” he replied. She went into the kitchen and made him a meal herself. Perhaps becoming a regular would be worth it after all.

Arts & Culture 11

Artsandculture@thestrand.ca THE STRAND | 15 september 2011

Growing trends in urban farming

Artwork at the HOPE youth garden in Parkdale

leila kent arts & culture editor

On a warm Sunday afternoon in West end Toronto, a grinning green sign reading, “Let’s Veg!” directs people into a sparse church basement. The Horticultural Societies of Parkdale and Toronto are presenting their first Urban Vegetable Tour, a self-guided look at 15 assorted versions of urban farming in the Parkdale, Roncesvalles, and High Park neighbourhoods.

Once a group has assembled, Lorraine Johnson reads excerpts from her book City Farmer, describing (among other things) the ins and outs of raising backyard chickens (“They’re not legal... yet.”). This provokes a passionate discussion about advocacy and municipal policy. A little later, an audience member details the challenges of balancing two tonnes of organic matter and a homemade sub-irrigation system on an aging garage roof. It’s almost like she’s trying to one-up Johnson’s garden cred,

My local-urban-organicheirloom-off-the-grid tomato is infinitely cooler than that blob you bought at the store.

While some “urban gardeners” are certainly a bit eccentric, the very concept of growing food in the city can also seem odd at first. “Food comes from farms, we’re told,” says Johnson, “farms that exist in the countryside, separated from cities not just by physical distance but by an attitudinal divide [...] The countryside is ‘clean’ and pure, close to nature. Cities are ‘dirty,’ far from nature, essentially nature corrupted.” Even if cities were clean enough to raise edible items, it seems

PHOTO: LEILA KENT

like a ludicrous waste of prime realestate to sow a row of potatoes.

Growing food anywhere takes time and effort, though that fact is rarely brought to our attention by the relatively low prices we enjoy. In the city, where people tend to lead busy lives that have little contact with soil and seeds, and where those who can afford it have their pick of commercial produce sections and restaurants, people require reasons to plant and harvest that outweigh the convenience of the local grocery store. Some people no doubt enjoy having an uber-hip buzzword cornucopia to tote about. My local-urban-organic-heirloom-off-thegrid tomato is infinitely cooler than that blob you bought at the store.

However, calling urban food-growing a fad may prove shortsighted.

In the September issue of Scientific American, “A Brighter Future With Cities,” experts in design, economics, physics, climate, and technology discuss how cities lead the way in innovation, efficiency, and quality of life. While they describe fascinating ways to make cities ‘greener,’ many neglect the environmental impact cities have beyond their immediate areas. William Rees, who invented the “ecological footprint,” argues in the magazine that the true footprint of cities is much larger than their urban boundaries suggest.

When it comes to food, production, transportation, and processing can create significant carbon and greenhouse gas emissions. The ‘locavore’ movement attempts to lower these undesirable outputs by redirecting consumer spending to food grown nearby. For some, this is a persuasive argument for urban farming and a 100-mile diet. The interdependence of the global economy makes the issue murkier, however, for there are many people in the world whose current livelihoods depend on foreign

demand for ‘non-local’ produce.+ Some people can afford to buy plenty of fresh produce from farmers but simply find satisfaction from producing their own fresh food.

Furthermore, Johnson argues that eating things grown in the city isn’t especially risky. Checking the landuse history of a plot is usually easy, and if that doesn’t put minds to rest, a soil test can be done.

In the heart of quiet, comfortable Roncesvalles/High Park, large houses are set back from the road by lush greenery. The host of my first tour spot, Tanya, explains how she makes use of the roof of a garage to grow her vegetables. White bins labelled “cookies and cream” and “vanilla” find new uses housing peppers, tomatoes, potatoes, carrots, and basil. In addition to the ice cream tubs, scavenged recycling boxes and trash cans serve as effective containers for the ‘crops’.

With limited soil from which to seek moisture, her vegetables require 15 minutes of watering every day. Using all that water isn’t the most satisfying for the sustainability junkie, and accumulated water can breed mosquitoes, along with drainage issues. Problems can be dealt with using rain barrels, pumps, and clever design, but they require effort and money, making this kind of ‘high-tech’ home gardening less appealing to those with small budgets and limited time to devote to their projects.

However, growing one’s own food can also save money, and for low-income people this can be especially useful. The HOPE garden (Healthy Organic Parkdale Edibles) is located in South Parkdale, where over 45 percent of the 25,000 residents are low-income families. Over half of residents are renters. Trying to stretch one’s income to cover the cost of living can lead to an unfortunate choice between paying the landlord or the grocery bill.

While many people want to buy healthy food, income limits choice and cheap does not always go hand in hand with high nutritional content. Furthermore, for those who worry about pesticides and the like, labels like “organic” often come at an extra cost. Urban gardening is

one way to offset some of the costs of healthy food for low-income families, as well as providing the aforementioned ‘DIY’ satisfaction. The waiting lists are long for plots in limited public ‘allotment gardens’ on city land.

Nevertheless, volunteers in community gardens usually get to take home fresh vegetables, and some organizations distribute extra urban produce to those who can’t afford it.

Acting as a kind of garden dating service, they pair those who want to grow with those who have unused space on their property that they are willing to share.

A friendly man at the HOPE garden tells me about some of the people and events they host. He points out other community hubs nearby, and invites me to partake in a free meal offered by the church across the street. I automatically make some excuse about needing to go home and write an article, but immediately regret saying no.

I resolve to go back another day. As I depart, a crowd of kids go running into the garden while the friendly guy asks their mom how her garden’s doing.

Neighbourly connections and trust are a pleasant outcome of a garden like this. Some might call it ‘building social capital.’ Problems like theft and vandalism can’t be avoided, but they are minimized by many people feeling ownership of the space. Local residents can grow food that fits their cultural preferences. Young people are offered activities and employment opportunities (a nearby youth garden with excellent murals attests to this).

Caroline Taron, who runs the group “West End Flower Fairies” and is a community gardening veteran, shows me around the Grafton garden near Roncesvalles and Queen. As she points out broccoli, brussel sprouts, and bengali spinach, she describes how these open spaces become meeting places of people, ideas, and stories.

This particular patch used to be, in her words, “a coke park.” The former oc-

Fresh food grown at a garden on the Urban Vegetable Tour

cupants of the space are still around, but now they are also invited to help out with the garden and are joined in the parkette by many more neighbours than before. Perhaps this represents a less abrasive alternative to the practice of pressuring those on the fringes of societal acceptability out of ‘revitalized’ areas.

Clearly, there are many models used to grow food in this city. A potted cucumber on your porch may be enough for you. One garden on the tour is uprooted and flooded in the winter, creating a backyard hockey rink. Many Torontonians work with friends and neighbours on private or public land (the Toronto Community Garden Network lists over 200 such projects). Taron advises regular meetings as a vital ingredient to maintaining a community garden.

Multifaceted groups like “The Stop” community food centre have additional tactics. Acting as a kind of garden dating service, they pair those who want to grow with those who have unused space on their property that they are willing to share.

Lorraine Johnson describes how as a child her family’s vegetable garden embarrassed her because it was a sign of their financial difficulties.

Gradually, however, she came to embrace growing food as a positive part of her identity. This transformation of attitude is shown on a broader scale in the growing popularity of urban farming. City-dwellers are initiating innovative changes in their relationships to their food and their environment.

Vic has its very own community garden! email c-garden@vusac.ca to get involved. The Toronto Community Garden Network lists locations all over the city www.tcgn.ca

PHOTO: LEILA KENT

12 Film & Music

Editors: Alex GriffitH aND will pettigrew

From A to G to iPod to Zune

Creating and listening to music in the age of technological everything Will Pettigrew Music editor

Music blogs, magazines, newspapers, TV, academics; pretty much everybody is talking about music and technology all the time. It only makes sense though, as there are so many unique characteristics and complications to this relationship. One of these characteristics, the one that interests me the most, is how we listen to music, which is usually dictated by the technology available. Here’s a little crash course on the history of music and technology.

If you think back through the history of “western” music, there are only a few huge game changers in the history of the art. The first is writing the music down. As with language, this was kind of a big deal. Next came the printing press (c. 1440) which made written music, like books, available for anybody with a bit of scratch (really not too many at this time) to get some sheet music and start their own Partridge Family. People had gone a long while mostly hearing music in church and so at this time it was pretty cool to get yourself some madrigals and sing along to classics such as “As Vesta was from Latmos Hill Descending” (Thomas Weelkes, 1601). Then the “middle class” happened (called bourgeoisie by bearded people) and they wanted to have pianofortes (invented c. 1700). This instrument definitely turned some heads. There were keyboards before it, but none could match the ground breaking concept of a keyboard that can be both soft and loud. Pianos were ending up in lots of peoples homes, not just nobility and thus the music industry was born.

It’s not all that different from today.

The fundamental relationships were there: people could now play and listen to music in their house and this music could be written and mass produced to be sold to them. This is echoed with the onset of phonographs and player pianos in the end of the 19th century. Now you could take the orchestra home with you (or at least the pianist) and you didn’t have to learn to play instruments anymore to enjoy music outside the concert hall. Pianos were no longer the be all and end all as well. Industrialization and modernization made instrument manufacturing a lot easier and you could get guitars and banjos a lot cheaper than pianos.

In the 1920s radios started to become commonplace in the home due to progress in the development of radio transmission and loudspeakers.

Now people could get music (among other things) over the air. In 1926 the first “good” television was built and it slowly made it’s way into peoples homes also bringing musical performances. In 1931 the electric guitar was invented essentially so that guitars could be louder. In 1951 the first successful electric bass was made to combat portability and volume issues with the traditional upright bass.

The 60s came and then things started to get crazy. This, for me, is kind of like a proto-big bang in the world of music. With advances in recording technology the distinction between how we listen to and how we make music started to blur. The technology became an essential part of the composition. Multi-track recordings and production effects made in the studio

became the new standard in cutting edge music. Songs were being made that couldn’t be performed live by the musicians recording them due to the amount of overdubbing and special effects put in. Music was being made to be listened to in recording rather than the recording being a portable mirror of the traditional live performance. The world owes this to a few trail blazers at the time whose names are all too familiar to anyone who has ever taken a music class, Wiki’d anything about music or read Pitchfork: Phil Spektor, Brian Wilson/The Beach Boys and The Beatles. They were like the Big Three of studio composition (Phil Spektor has been keeping up his Stalin impression to this day).

Really the analogy kind of works: The Beach Boys were FDR, The Beatles were Churchill and Phil was Stalin. The Beatles and The Beach Boys were coming up strong, making massive hits while maintaining a friendly rivalry of one-upmanship. They ended up having this common enemy: formulaic hit-factory pop music that

of these albums. One could delve into all the detail for years, take classes on it, write essays on it or just rave about it to everyone and everyone. All the information is out there for you to analyze and maybe even write an article for The Strand about because there are always people who don’t know these things who could only benefit from this knowledge and discussion, whichever side is presented.

In my personal quest for knowledge I have a new muse which dominates my inner pondering. This of course relates to the next few items on my timeline of music technologies. They are portable music, the internet and computer composition. We’ll start here with portable music.

In 1979 the Sony Walkman made its debut in Japan. It played cassette tapes and it could be taken anywhere. It wasn’t the tape deck in your car, never leaving the dash. It wasn’t the stereo in your room, never getting out from under the pile of LPs. It was 100 percent portable.

I often try to imagine what it must

or “total art work”, a German term used by Composer Richard Wagner (1813 - 1883). While he was talking about uniting all art forms within the theatre, I think of it in this context as uniting music with the world in the senses of the listener.

Music has long been about invoking images and feelings, as have all art forms. Now we can combine the images with the art. We can go into the woods and listen to Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun (Claude Debussy, 1894) and spend the afternoon watching a faun. I don’t mean this in a way to check the art against the inspiration, but rather perhaps the two combined can only amplify each other.

This is the concept of my recurring segment, Hey, Listen!, where I will attempt to pair places and situations with music that seem to go together well. Hopefully this will make you interested in these topics, make you feel something, or at least introduce you to some new music.

If anyone ever feels like writing

Things you can do while you still have money Will pettigrew Music Editor

Since it’s the start of the year, you probably have the most money you’ll ever have after saving up all summer/ your life. So take a little time off to go off campus and discover a world of dive bars and concert theatres with an endless amount of musicians that will prove only to amaze you. You live in a thriving musical city that is definitely way cooler than places that rhyme with Scuntreal. So do as the wise do and go online and check these bands out and then go support them live because it’s super fun for you and (hopefully) the artists will get paid enough to eat that night.

Win-win. (Though we can assume Pharoahe Monch is probably doing okay).

Thursday, 15 September: Pharoahe Monch at The Opera House (735 Queen St. East) at 8pm. Tickets $18 at the door or Rotate This or Soundscapes. If you don’t know him you know his 1999 song “Simon Says”.

Definitely think about it if you’re a hip-hop fan.

Friday, 16 September: Saukrates, DJ Numeric, DJ Dalia, DJ Ted Dancin’ at Revival (783 College St.) at 9pm. Looks like a hip-hop karaoke competition. Expect dancing and laptop beats (read: fun).

A Piano, likely sometime before it was turned into an iPad app

was getting old and an itch for creative freedom. Phil Spektor took care of this on his front by introducing his “wall of sound” recording technique at Gold Star Studios LA with his session musician pool called The Wrecking Crew. Brian Wilson picked up on this momentum and released Pet Sounds with The Beach Boys which prompted The Beatles to release Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band; at this points everyone’s minds were blown and a new kind of music reigned supreme. Though this music did leave people divided (“There was rock’n’roll and there was Bing Crosby shit,” -my Dad, c. my childhood); one could say you were on one side of the wall of sound or the other.

Then as we know, despite his contribution to ending the Second World War in Europe, Stalin ended up being a murderous tyrant. Also, Phil Spektor ended up being a murderous tyrant.

In any case, Pet Sounds and Sgt. Pepper’s signaled the beginning of the contemporary dominant trend in music creation.

This is where the history lesson catches up with us. There are countless essays and accounts of Pet Sounds and Sgt. Pepper’s being the origin of all contemporary music.

There is endless discussion in the world of the gravity and significance

of felt like to be among the first to experience this new way of listening to music. I like to imagine it would have been Aristotelian wonder of the highest capacity. You could now listen to their favourite music while jogging in a park or looking out the window of a plane. Suddenly everything becomes theatrical; it’s like you’re in a movie.

The complete audio deprivation of the white noise of life leaves the listening sensually alone with the music and the four other senses. Everything becomes personal and profound; your mind is clear and the beauty of the music and the world around you seem to blend together in a carnal embrace and then, albeit for a brief moment, the self dies. This is how I like to imagine the dawn of portable.

Though it was probably just someone riding the bus listening to Boston.

This is my point: this way of listening to music is only over 30 years old. It has never been so widespread and accessible as it is now as essentially every gadget you can get can play MP3s. It is overlooked in day to day happenings yet it is a major way people listen to music. Being able to listen to music everywhere and always is an unbelievable shift in how we interact with this art form. Never before could someone combine different stimuli so effectively and easily. In a way it’s like gesamtkunstwerk,

PHOTO: WIKIMEDIA COMMONS/LPLT

anything about the topic of the significance of how we listen to music, how we make music, how we get music, or other issues in music, do it. Do it and send them to the email in that grey box to the right. If you want to do a concert review or an album review, current or classic, that’s cool too. If you want to write about a really big question and can frame it in music, send it this way as well. But definitely, if you have any insights about how we listen, create and distribute music these days or how we did in the past, get them to The Strand and maybe we will all learn a little something about appreciating music. Or you can tell me sincerity is dead and postmodernism reigns eternally. Though I will just say it is and isn’t at the same time, shout “Derrida!” and disappear into a cloud of dust, of which you will take a handful and see fear.

Saturday, 17 September: Thomas Alexander at Sonic (60 Cecil St.) at some time in the evening for free.

I had the pleasure to see him play last week and it was phenomenal. I thought he was just some guy who sat down to tickle the ivories, but from what it looks like online he’s been playing there all week. Alexander plays the piano at the back of the bar and it is not to be missed, even if you just come for a few songs. Be ready for some power piano pop balladry. It should redefine intimate for you.

Thursday, September 24: Japandroids and Bass Drum of Death at Sneaky Dee’s (431 College St.) at 9pm. $12 at Rotate This (801 Queen St. West) and Soundscapes (572 College St.). Japandroids could be described as melodic-indie-noise-pop-rock or something. In any case, it will be packed and sweaty and fun especially with Bass Drum of Death providing some more lo-fi rock’n’roll.

Remember to go online, look for posters and ask around for more shows, especially for people just starting out. Support your local musicians!

Do you want to write articles about bands, albums, shows or topics in music? Do you want to experience the thrilling exploits of being a journalist? Do you want to wear a lanyard and feel important?! Or maybe you just don’t want to read my articles any more. Email us at filmandmusic @ thestrand.ca to find out more!

filmandmusic@thestrand.ca

Film & Music 13

THE STRAND | 15 september 2011

Hey, Listen!

Plug in, turn on, and tune out Will Pettigrew Music Editor

In this installment of Hey, Listen!, I present to you albums that could be argued to be appropriate for the situations where you find yourself in the many varied urban landscapes of Toronto. Put some of these albums on your portable music player of choice and try them out as the soundtrack for the city.

For the park:

music to drown out the cars on Queen’s Park Crescent.

Yann Tiersen, La Valse des Monstres: Tiersen’s (now famous for the Amélie soundtrack) 1995 debut album. Wonderful instrumentals with a French flavour. Best squirrel watching track: “La Valse des Monstres.”

Antonín

Dvorak,

Symphony

No. 9 in E Minor “From the New World”: While it may be one of the most popular symphonies ever, it is not overrated. Especially check it out if you’re not a big classical listener. If you absolutely have to listen to only one movement, I’d go with the third.

haven’t, it’s considered to be one of the first “post-punk” albums, and I know how much everyone likes putting post- in front of everything. The title track is a must-listen on any late night wandering.

Koji Kondo, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Hyrule Symphony: Don’t judge! Even if it doesn’t make you all nostalgic for your childhood, at least check it out for some beautiful orchestral pieces that would make even the most hardcore basement dwelling gamer (me) think of the great outdoors. Try the “Title” track with a sunset in High Park.

the inevitable TTC, GO, Greyhound, VIA or plane rides that will pass the time and are album oriented.

For the bright lights: music for when you feel like being a late night flâneur among the skyscrapers.

Passion Pit, Chunk of Change: An infectious little EP of electro-pop tunes that really play well lights and colours of the city. Song that’s better than “Sleepyhead”: “Cuddle Fuddle.”

Flying Lotus, Los Angeles: Hiphop inspired electronica that borders on being an electroacoustic sound installation. I would pair this with walking around the “electric trees” in Yorkville. “Breathe . Something/Stellar STar” is a good example of what this guy is all about.

Joel Plaskett in concert

PHOTO: FLICKR/TCP909

Television: Marquee Moon, If you like to read about music, chances are you’ve heard of this album. If you

For the commute: music for

Serge Gainsbourg, Histoire de Melody Nelson: I’ll write an article in the future (or perhaps you should) about how this is the (second) greatest rock album ever because a little quip won’t do it any justice. But for real, listen to this if you haven’t. If you don’t know French, listen to it, learn French, and listen to it again. Study Lolita (chances are you are already doing this, maybe even twice) and listen to it again. Don’t be lazy and listen to the whole thing.

Joel Plaskett, Ashtray Rock: If you went to high school in Canada you may have heard this album a lot.

If you haven’t, it is a great teenage love story with catchy songs and lots of drama, all while making you long for your secret high school hang out spot. Again, listening to the whole album is the complete experience.

Jethro Tull, Thick as a Brick: I am very aware Jethro Tull is the butt of all jokes about prog rock*, and their work after this album proves they kind of deserve it. Regardless,

S. Gainsbourg PHOTO: FLICKR/SWEETSOFA

this is some real crazy shit with an incredible sleeve (so that means you should probably BUY it) that folds out to be a newspaper. It’s framed as a poem by this child poet prodigy and the newspaper provides back story for the concept. Oddly enough it was intended to be a satire of “concept albums” (which it does very well) but also ended up being one of the classics of the style. Smells like postmodernism. The album is just one long song so give it a listen if you’re bored on your way back to some place where it’s somehow still cool. * “I’ll tell you one thing that really drives me nuts, is people who think that Jethro Tull is just a person in a band.”

“Who is Jethro Tull?” -Armageddon “[playing jazz flute solo] Hey, Aqualung!” -Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

TIFF 2011: Hansen-Løve on Young Love CATRIONA SPAVEN-DONN FEATURES EDITOR

Mia Hansen-Løve, director of Un Amour de Jeunesse (Goodbye First Love), is 30 and already the director of three films, including Le Père de Mes Enfants, which won her an award at Cannes a couple of years ago. Before the screening, she introduced her newest feature at TIFF by saying that it’s a film she has always known she would write. Everything about it is taken from personal experience: the plot, the dialogue, even the holiday house in the Loire river valley.

The film is “nothing ideological; it is just the expression of a private experience.”

During a Q&A after the film, Løve, recalled her 15 year-old self, falling in love with a 19 year-old boy. He left her for a 10 month backpacking trip around South America at the height of their achingly intense relationship. Løve indicates that she was just as clingy and needy as Camille, the central character in the film. She goes on to say that the film is “nothing ideological; it is just the expression of a private experience.”

The film opens with a striking boy on a bike whizzing through recognizably Parisian streets. He returns to his naked girlfriend in bed and

lays a rose down beside her, playfully tugging at the blanket; a loving, charming grin on his face. The representation of first love is pleasing and believable. Unfortunately, the focus then changes to Camille (relative newcomer Lola Créton) and all spark of passion or excitement is lost.

Camille leaves the bed with a toss of the head and goes to the bathroom, where Sullivan (Sebastian Urzendowsky) follows. He studies her naked reflection in the mirror and murmurs at her beauty, his love for her.

From the very first, Créton’s expressionless stare and abrupt surliness are jarring in comparison with her on-screen boyfriend’s well-acted and realistic performance. She demands proclamations of love and then asks “Is that all?” Undeterred, he whispers, “Je t’adore.” She walks away, unimpressed and unemotional, as she continues to do in pretty much every scene of the film.

The scenes of clichéd romance are a welcome portrayal of love; if only the dialogue or expression could reflect the beauty of lying with your first love in long grass under a setting sun, eating fruit off a tree or swimming in a river together.

The only emotion that is well achieved is Camille’s anger at Sullivan’s departure. Her fragility and sadness once he has gone to South America is much more believable.

She must resort to the ritual checking of the mailbox, the loneliness particularly depicted in one scene where she sits surrounded by school friends, smoking a cigarette. Throughout the

Créton and Urzendowsky in a Garden of Eden metaphor, in Goodbye First Love.

film, she is in her own bubble: Sullivan is the only one who can reach her.

The film jumps ahead through annoyingly self-conscious camera zooms to a date on a pad of paper or a calendar on the wall; the audience is shocked into the future. Camille and Sullivan’s estrangement seems unrealistic, as does Camille’s growth into adulthood. Attending architecture school, she pursues a relationship with a professor, Lorenz (Magne Brekke, who, incidentally, is a very good actor). Another four years pass and Créton has not aged at all: she never looked 15 at the start and now it is hard to believe she is 23. Her relationship with Lorenz is, for this reason, unbelievable and altogether a little uncomfortable. In one scene,

after they have moved in together and seem to be in love (although how and when this happened is unclear), she tells him that she has had a miscarriage despite being ready to have his children. We never knew she was pregnant and it is not mentioned again, making it an altogether unnecessary plot-line.

Inevitably, Sullivan returns to her life at this point in the film. Luckily for the audience, Créton seems to have incorporated a little more emotion into her performance. The gradual rekindling of their relationship is fraught with emotional tension. Sullivan’s excruciatingly lovesick pain mirrors Camille’s suffering at the beginning of their estrangement, and this effective role reversal is testimony to Urzendowsky’s acting strength.

PHOTO: HANSEN-LOVE/TIFF

The main point, that you can never say “goodbye” to first love is actually quite heart-wrenching. If only Camille had been better scripted, cast, and/or directed, Goodbye First Love would have pulled at the heartstrings even more.

14 Film & Music

Wait, you mean white people didn’t singlehandedly end racial segregation?

Then why does Hollywood keep acting as though they did? john debono

The movie industry is certainly an interesting one in terms of image. We commonly hear about Hollywood being run by left wing, commie-loving liberals. Yet, if you don’t pay attention to the celebrity and media aspects of the industry and focus solely on the images represented in the final products, a very different picture is shown. There seems to be a common misconception in the industry that audiences cannot understand the seriousness of issues of racism or are not able to confront this dark chapter of American history without “[filtering] the black experience through the

white experience.”

This quote came from Scott Tobias’ very negative review of Tate Taylor’s adaptation of the Kathryn Stockett novel, The Help. The film will not only gross more than Green Lantern, Super 8 and Horrible Bosses, it has, for the most part, been deemed by critics as a potential Oscar contender. Yet throughout The Help, one question kept appearing in my head: Why does the film seem to be more about how “not racist” Emma Stone’s character is and her difficulty in finding a boyfriend, and less about the everyday struggles of the help themselves? If there is one rule I follow when meeting people or watching movies, it’s

that when someone feels as though they have to point out a specific trait, it’s usually because they are not certain that they have it themselves.

Before I continue, I will be fair and admit that it is hard to hate something as earnest and gentle hearted as The Help. The ensemble cast is very good (with Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, and Jessica Chastain being the standout performances) and it is encouraging to see a film that consists of mostly intelligent female characters.

It would also be unfair to assume that all Southern white people were horrible racists who burned down Gospel Churches in between Ku Klux Klan meetings. Democratic societies progress when a majority of a population demand change: it’s okay to acknowledge that there were some white people helping to promote the Civil Rights Movement.

The fact of the matter is that in 2011, there is no reason that Hollywood needs to simplify different ethnicities into cultural stereotypes.

The problem is that films like The Help tend to place these white characters as the lead, when really they are a small part of a larger movement.

I think that most of the white population involved in the Civil Rights Movement were not doing it for attention. I like to believe that most people got involved because they felt it was the right thing to do and were proud to be apart of a more important cause, and that ego had a very limited role in this decision. Though The Help is well-intentioned and to a degree even acknowledges that not everyone changed as a result of the character’s development, placing the Race issues pushed to the background

Spanish auteur Pedro Almodovar’s latest film, The Skin I Live In, wades into both familiar and foreign territories. While the film invokes the familiar tropes of his melodramas (obsession, desire, family, sex, and identity), Skin takes somewhat of a bold leap into the horror/thriller genre. Some of his earlier films already lean towards the thriller - genre mixing has always been common in his oeuvre though this film is more of a straight thriller, incorporating some melodrama for emotional impact. It is essentially a revenge-fuelled plot, with a renowned plastic surgeon (Antonio Banderas) that succeeds in creating a tougher skin for humankind, using Vera (Elena Anaya) as his guinea pig.

On the surface, the plot seems a bit thin to warrant a two hour running time (one cannot say more about the plot without giving away the rest of the film). Dovetailing between the past and the present, the elaborate

Hollywood story. There needs to be a story that can tie the loose end and makes audiences feel good by the end. With such a complicated subject matter, films such as The Help are an ideal product for Hollywood. Not only is it easy to promote and package in terms of typical Hollywood fashion, but also it showcases the ideals of the American Dream: one determined individual, with hard work and a vision, can not only improve their situation but change society as a whole for the better. The fact that it was society that segregated the black population could now be seen as nothing more than it is: history.

My final point is that while I have a theory behind why many filmmakers take this approach to race relations, I certainly disagree with their approach. The fact of the matter is that in 2011, there is no reason that Hollywood needs to simplify different ethnicities into cultural stereotypes.

Is it not time to see an inspiring young black journalist trying to find a compelling story? How about the academic looking to rediscover himself in his autumn years? Hell, why were we robbed of Donald Glover as Spider-Man? I am not just referring to representations of the black community, but I would be happy to see a more diverse representation of society in general. Fortunately, we are seeing this happen more often, where shows (Community, Firefly) and mainstream blockbusters (Fast Five, Dark Knight, to name a few) cast their characters with an eye for diversity (without repeatedly reminding us of these characters’ ethnic backgrounds). The audience (one hopes) views this as the world within the film and continues on with the narrative. We need more diversity in your average Hollywood movie, instead of simply trying to remind audiences that not all white peoples were racists in the 1960s every once in a while.

ART: BAHAR BANAEI

TIFF 2011: Skin, sex, and Spaniards MARCO LA ROCCA

white individual as the protagonist makes his or her efforts seem more self-indulgent that they really were.

Emma Stone’s Skeeter wants to document the black maids’ struggles, but she is also keen to sell her book to a publishing house and advance her journalistic ambitions.

My theory as to why the “white filter” is such a common practice, particularly in films about race relations, goes beyond clichéd notions of: 1. Looking to appeal to as broad an audience as possible: In theory, the audiences for these types of films are already rather restricted. The fact that the audience for The Help is limited to older women from a demographic perspective may have helped its financial success especially in the summer, where blockbusters are targeted more towards males between the ages of 18-25.

2. Subtle hints of racism: To analyze the film solely as an opportunity for white executives to show how awesome white people are is a simplistic and dull argument.

3. White guilt: This concept is based on a idea that white society can feel better about their negative history towards race relations, by seeing white people acting as saviour/messiah figures and improving the lives of underprivileged minority groups.

The white guilt analysis is one that relates more closely to my own viewpoint. However, I think this term needs to be more specific. The perspective that I would suggest relates more to a nationalistic viewpoint. The film industry is dominated by an American influence and as a result, you see those values represented either subtly or bluntly. The Help, which flirts with the “white saviour” narrative, uses the more blunt approach. As segregation and the Civil Rights movement are an infamous part of American history, there is a lot of potential to make compelling films about the movement. But a Hollywood movie needs to follow the expectations of a

and somewhat ludicrous story allows for some great acting.

Antonio Banderas is chillingly effective as a mad scientist using a human test subject. But the lengths his character goes through to achieve the end result are twisted and disturbing. The end result is, indeed, twisted and disturbing, with a heavy sense of the macabre used subtly in ways that heighten the tension. While not as colorful as his earlier films, The Skin I Live In boasts a lavish and lightly toned set design that is contrapuntal to the dark nature of the plot.

The film is both surprising and typical coming from Almodovar, whose early career was indebted in some degree of shock value before maturing in his use of melodrama, here used in tandem rather effectively. While at times not a perfect synthesis of his common tropes, the plotting, acting, and overall visual aesthetics create a very engaging thriller, and a nice return for Banderas in his native lan-

guage. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and The Skin I Live In embraces that sentiment to an alarming degree that a casual viewer will not forget anytime soon.

Fighting Words

A roundup of the best (and worst) wordplay from the critics “Though the years rattle past, there’s a load of them to get through, and, by the end, the title One Day feels like an accurate measurement of the time we have spent in the cinema.”

-Anthony Lane, The New Yorker “Apollo 18 fails to stay with you because, like the cratered satellite on which it’s set, it has no atmosphere.”

-Keith Staskiewicz, Entertainment Weekly “That Bucky Larson’s humor is stuck at a toilet-centric grade school level is less damning than how little of that or any humor it contains - the film, directed by Tom Brady (The Hot Chick), sets up scene after scene that wanders around in the general vicinity of a joke idea without ever approaching anything like a punchline.

Allison Willmore, Movieline “Through sign of the times touches, A-grade acting, and a mostly cliché-immune script (though the genre’s signature dead-monkey-in-a-cage shot does appear), Contagion elevates that well-trodden territory into something that feels both truly

Well, this is a bit disturbing

PHOTO: TIFF

scary and fiercely contemporary. It’s a bleak ride, but in the end Contagion finally asks us to reach out to one another, across the distrust and no matter the divide—as long as we wash our hands first.”

Forrest Wickman , Slate

Stranded 15

STRANDED@THESTRAND.CA THE STRAND | 15 SEPTEMBER 2011

The Adoration of the Tweens

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My weird and frankly a little scary brush with what you might call fame

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By Brandon Martin-Gray stranded editor

Deep down, and often not so deep down, I think most people want to be famous. Not everyone desires the sort of fame that rightfully or not belongs to movie stars and pop singers, that of the Pitts and GaGas of the world, but I think it’s at least fair to say that most people desire some sort of public accomplishment-recognition. Most people, of course, do not deserve fame and won’t ever get it, and most people’s accomplishments are commonplace. And that is okay because most people know that. Most people can put up with obscurity and hobbyism. Take for instance the classic hairbrush chanteuse, the digital photographer whose work consists primarily of artfully crooked sepia tone chain link fence pics, the teenage odist. Yes, I know, obviously we are all smothered by a culture of celebrity worship and fame-mindedness and blah blah blah. Those are bad things. In fact I’m going to suggest that those are very bad things. But it’s a natural and healthy human thing to seek praise and renown. It feels good when people know who you are and like what you do, regardless of scope. I have come to learn that context is absolutely key with respect to the knowing and liking, though.

regular everyday life is similarly mediated that it hardly deserves mention.

These webtweens can make Atticus Mitchell fan pages and impersonate him on Facebook, and they do. There are three fake Attys that I know of, probably more. They create Youtube tribute videos with treacly teen pop soundtracks and blurry blown-up JPEGS they’ve somehow discovered through byzantine Googling, videos that garner hundreds of views and e-thumbs up from their fellow webtweens. They can type Atticus’ name into Facebook and add him as a friend, or could, until the guy was driven to use a pseudonym and drum-tight privacy settings. They can, again by simply typing his name into a search engine, find his and my former band’s old Myspace, Facebook, and CBC Radio 3 pages, and, once they’ve learned the name of the band, some Youtube concert footage and other goodies. They know my name and the names of my bandmates. Now they’re following us on Twitter, attempting to add us on Facebook, and becoming Facebook fans of my current band (I still don’t know how they found that page). They feel closer to Atticus through me, somehow, I guess. I know him in real life. Yes, he does have a girlfriend.

I have recently been the recipient of unsolicited and inexplicable Facebook friend requests. Why does tweenage Mary So-and-So from Small Midwestern Town, USA want to be my friend? I wondered. Our friends-in-common count is exactly zero. These girls cannot all be distant web-savvy cousins. It is very unlikely they have confused me with another bespectacled Brandon MartinGray. Things started making sense quickly, though, when I realized these requests were related to some recent activity on the long-inactive Facebook page of my former band. It had several new fans, all girls, all tweens.

Some quick backstory: I, like untold numbers of teenage guitar wielders, was in a band in high school. In grade 12 we placed first in the school’s sparsely attended Battle of the Bands 2008. It was no big deal. The competition was not exactly fierce (more than a few Arctic Monkeys covers twitched through the auditorium) and, like all other non-athletic high school competitions, the whole thing was fundamentally a popularity contest. The popularity that actuated our victory was not mine or my fellow grade 12s’ but little Atticus Mitchell’s, drummer and younger brother of my bandmate’s. The grade nine vote was a lock. We won easily. Come summer we played what few shows the under-19+ set can realistically manage to book without resorting to the vulturine booking agents who charge your friends 10 to 15 dollars per ticket and pay you zero percent of that. (If you’ve ever been to one of these predatory bird-organized shows, you know the existential angst and eyelid scrunching embarrassment that fugs the room, not to mention the godawful heavy metal and classic rock covers. Take me down to the paradise city indeed.)

Playing those shows (the non-condor ones) was a lot of fun, even though the complimentary drink tickets normally divvied up to bands in the sweaty rock club circuit were useless to us. Libation privation aside, we had some good times that summer. We recorded a self-produced EP in an accommodating parents’ sticky attic with two cheap microphones that, to my ears at least, still sounds pretty good. At the end of the summer, at the same very accommodating household, we held a backyard blowout jamboree thing like no other. To every thing there is a season, though, and so when fall blew in and took those of us who were of university bound age in separate directions, school-wise, the band was put on hold. We did some shows the following summer but that was pretty much it, band over.

Fast forward to now, which is summer 2011, and Atticus Mitchell is a lowlevel Disney channel TV star. Seeing him metamorphose from kid brother of friend to proto-Efron has been a profoundly weird experience. In a few short years he has gone from never acting to landing a supporting role on a relatively jejune Canadian sitcom aimed at the youth market to a lead role in another youth-oriented comedy thing, a made-for-TV movie helmed by Hard Core Logo director Bruce McDonald, which has been turned into a series and bought by the muscular Walt Disney Company for airing in the USA. With Mickey Mouse-calibre green shot into it, the show has become a hit. It’s kind of a Buffy-esque deal, mostly drained of Buffy’s smarts but maintaining much of its charm (thanks in no small part to Atticus—he’s really very good on the show), and injected with a full dose of hip post-Twilightism. It’s called My Babysitter’s a Vampire. Atticus plays a Geeky Funny Guy who can perform magic spells. That particular suborder of lonely tween girls who like Justin Bieber well enough but are not full-fledged Beliebers, the set who require a less famous teen male to venerate and adore because it makes them feel like individuals not subject to glossy magazine determinism, these girls love the show, and they love Atticus Mitchell. And this obstreperous mass of burgeoning estrogen is a scary fucking crew.

The thing that made me the most uncomfortable though, the impetus of this essay, the last and most bent out of shape straw, was this: Once the activity on the old band page started to really bug me, I deleted it. I should say for ease of writing that the band was called The Fishwives. Once The Fishwives Facebook page was fully ablated from the World Wide Web, a Fishwives fan page promptly sprung up. Some terrifyingly prescient and enterprising webtween, maybe a whole gang of them, had saved the pictures, memorized the bio info, and replaced our page with a bizarre facsimile, replete with little grammatical mistakes and other telltale signs of tweendom. Posts such as “i luv u guis!” were abundant. They really do type like that. They theorized our split was impelled by Atticus leaving to pursue an acting career, as if our lives were open to speculation and subject to banal tropes and easy explanations.

The photos were given captions such as “naughty” and “bad boys” and “having fun,” It gave us all a serious in-bed-for-a-week-type case of the creeps. I contacted Facebook and had them remove the page on grounds of copyright infringement. This whole thing might sound funny, my bending out of shape unwarranted, but I don’t think it is. Well, it is kind of funny, superficially, but it is also profoundly weird and sad.

The humour of the situation is pretty blatantly obvious. It is born of the unexpected and surreal aspect of the whole ordeal, the downright absurdity.

It was initially really funny, to the people that know him, when Atticus began to amass a small but dedicated Internet fanbase. The idea that there existed some 12-year-old in Iowa just fucking dying for some vague acknowledgement from him was hilarious. That our friend was the object of some kid’s incipient sexual fantasy life: uproarious. It was a regular old riot to me until a quantum of that attention was directed toward my own self. The webtweens immediately took on a much more sinister aspect in my mind. They messed with my head. They sunk their nails into music my friends and I made based on its tangential relationship to a TV show about vampires for children. This bothers me a great deal. They stripped our music of any context (“I’ve never heard music like this before!”) and sucked all the knowing silliness from our promotional photographs (recall: “naughty”). I’m not saying that we were doing serious art or anything particularly innovative or interesting but still, it is not only a weird feeling but a shitty feeling to have your ideas co-opted and misunderstood.

From maybe 12 to 15 years old, I read and posted on Internet message boards. This was before Facebook took off in a serious way and before Twitter existed. I had a Myspace page but I didn’t much use it. I knew how to use a search engine pretty well but any Googling skills I possessed could not possibly have led to e-interaction with celebrities. To my knowledge, celebrities didn’t have Hotmail accounts. You couldn’t chat with them on MSN. They certainly did not post in the ultimate-guitar.com forums. The Internet is a very different space now. The anonymity afforded by message board handles and tilde and asterisk-punctuated Myspace pages plastered with poor Photoshop jobs is an anachronism. To a great extent we are ourselves on the web these days. Your Facebook page is you, or some realistic honest facsimile of you. Your Twitter account is a pithier you. Countless famous people now participate in the 140 characters or less game, and anyone can join in. This is the e-milieu in which fans of My Babysitter’s a Vampire have grown up.

These kids can smell fame like TV vampires can blood, and they want a bite of it. Via social media they can have a lick. They are closer to their idols than anyone has ever been. Licking distance. This closeness is mediated by an untasty LCD screen and a vast “digital landscape,” but so much of our

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What’s worse than the effect this brush with what you might call fame has had on me directly is the stuff it has compelled me think about. I’ve been having these bromidic meditations on celebrity, on the loneliness and sadness of it all. Obviously red carpet coverage makes any thinking person gag, but most of us thinkers are able to keep the sputum at bay with an arsenal of ironic detachment and eye-rolling. But poor Ryan Seacrest. How hard it must be to be Ryan Seacrest, feigning interest in this awful stupid spectacle for a paycheque. I know how trite and silly this sounds. I think Famous People deserve their bank accounts. Even if I am overstating my case, I can only imagine the intense genuine psychic pressure that grips movie stars and pop singers and even small-time TV actors on the reg. These people deserve extensive compensation for the shit they are forced to put up with. I know people are dying in Africa and that makes me sad too but it’s not really germane here.

It’s sad that these girls are so infatuated with Atticus Mitchell that they have put real time and effort into researching his past and his personal life.

It’s sad that they are so desperate for closeness to a face from TV that they pretend to be the brain behind that face on the Internet and/or seek out anyone on the Internet who has had some personal experience gazing upon that visage and try to get digitally closer to those people too. It is also sad that by demanding the closure of their creepy Fishwives fan page, in some small way I deprived these kids of something that made them happy because it made me uncomfortable. But it is especially really legitimately sad that something like that would make them happy in the first place. Finally, it is sad that I get some pleasure in writing about it and would like my writing to be read and liked.

Just not by the wrong audience.

The webtweens will grow out of their Atticus Mitchell obsession but they will not necessarily outgrow this preoccupation and fetishization of the famous. These girls are not your average teeny boppers; they are an insidious bunch. They don’t mean to be, maybe, but they are. Maybe this behaviour is entirely normal. Maybe there is a generational rift here or maybe this is nothing new. I am not much older than these girls. Maybe there is latent sexism in my analysis. Probably. Maybe I am blowing this thing way out of proportion. I don’t know. I don’t like it.

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Stranded 16

EDITORS: JAKE HOWELL & BRANDON MARTIN-GRAY

ART: CORRIE JACKSON

Viral videos: are they kind of getting old? Studies say yes So how ’bout some new ideas!

Brandon Martin-Gray stranded editor

Everyone loves viral videos. If everyone didn’t love them, they wouldn’t be viral. See: Logic 101. But sometimes the viral video game is a little like regular video games. Sometimes it is no fun. Sometimes you get fed up with that one fucking guy that just won’t die. In the domain of real video games we might consider the last little green pig in Angry Birds, the one shielded by more ice than a Chinese ice book.

Viral video-wise, the collected works of lipdubbing child-thing Keenan, infuriated soul-possessing ginger-American CopperCab, and even insatiable bacon-wrapped Montrealers Epic Meal Time, sometimes their shticks can wear a little thin. I could watch “Nyan Cat” for ages, but I digress.

Here’s what I’m thinking: let’s make our own fun! Let’s imagine some premises for more interesting viral videos. I’ll start and you can play along at home.

Epic Seal Time I am almost ashamed to admit I still watch every Epic Meal Time video.

The novelty of cooking everything with bacon and whiskey wore off long ago. So instead, how about each week something seal-related happens. One episode might feature an adorable marine mammal. The next could be an interview with the “Kiss From A Rose” singer. Another video might feature Navy SEALs. The possibilities are literally endless.

Epic Seal Time would lack the prandial monotony of Epic Meal Time because the word seal is homonymous whereas the word meal is always related to food, be it food eaten at semi-regular intervals or course grain i.e. cornmeal. You would never know what you’re going to get.

Seal the singer could ride a seal the animal with a SEAL of the US Navy special ops force and it would all be contained within the scope of the premise. You might see wax seals, presidential seals, and metaphorical seals of approval. You could do an episode with a wax figure of a seal.

Stranded crossword

Auto-Tune the Jews Auto-Tune the News is pretty great.

It’s fun to hear Sarah Palin sound more like T-Pain than usual. But at this point, Auto-Tune the News has outlived its usefulness as both a comedic device and a font of political satire. We get it, the old people from CNN are singing. Good one. AutoTune itself, however, will never ever get old, no way no how, Jay-Z be damned, so how’s about we AutoTune other things!

Since I’m working within a rhymebased system here, my proposal is Auto-Tune the Jews. The opening monologue from Annie Hall is brilliant, but wouldn’t it be better if it were crooned RnB style? Sammy Davis Junior was a great singer and all, but he didn’t record any club bangers. I’m not sure if Madonna is still into Kabbalah but go ahead and Auto-Tune “Like a Prayer” anyway.

Fact: Drake once performed at a Bar Mitzvah for a cool quarter mil.

Evolution of Pants I’m not sure if many people will remember Evolution of Dance because

Seals: cuter than bacon

Photo: State Library of New South Wales

it came out in 2006 which is about a million internet years ago but it’s basically a spotlit guy with a t-shirt tucked into his jeans dancing his way through a chronological series of pop songs, from Elvis to Michael Jackson to *NSYNC. It’s an okay video, good for its time but a little bland by today’s standards.

I can honestly say, and I might be alone here, that I would much rather watch a series of videos that delve

into the seamy history of pants. From Medieval beneath-the-tunic stuff to breeches to trousers to jeans, what made pants what they are today?

What is the ancestor to the modern jegging? Why did the Scottish decide to eschew pants altogether? Whatever happened to cargo pants? Are underwear really necessary? What are you gon’ do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?

ACROSS

DOWN

1. Immediately 5. Armlike 13. Unlucky Mexican tourist 14. Beamingness 15. “So ____ sank to grief/ So dawn goes down to day” 16. Love devotees 17. Lady’s room 19. Water____ (salad ingredient) 20. I’m told dance is one 21. Howdy, fellow islander!

Also goodbye.

23. This is what it sounds like when doves cry 24. Where it’s ____ 25. Faire, to Pierre 26. Phaser setting 27. Enlightenment honcho 31. Spiritual but not religious types 33. Opinion piece 34. I am, for short 36. Situated internally 37. Most people have two of this body part 38. Sad or very loud person, sometimes both 40. Polyurethane laminate 43. Indian condiment 45. Marijuana look-alike 47. Fingerlike 49. On a grand scale, as in a meal 50. Abstruse 51. Motorcar 52. Change the focus of 53. Romano, Charles, William Johnson

1. A protozoan of the genus Amoeba 2. Sweat 3. Inuit relative 4. To remain undecided 5. Rope used for gathering a sail (hint: it rhymes with sail!)

6. A rod for ramming 7. Much ___ About Nothing 8. Approx.

9. Alopecia’s prey 10. The technical term for bugs, I think 11. Demonstrates 12. Exercises 18. What you’re under in court 22. Brick box 24. Scatterbrain’s affliction 26. Transgression 27. Roomer 28. What you do to Josh Groban so he can stand on mountains 29. Half mortal, half im30. The sky is made of it, I guess 32. Ireland in Irish 35. Pupil constricting drug 38. To give the people what they want 39. At attention 40. _____ New Guinea 41. Order 42. Crazies (four of them, maybe) 44. Little South American monkeys 46. Toothed disk 48. Where the Wild Things ____

BY BRANDON MARTIN-GRAY CRYPTORIOGRAPHER