The Student 18/10/2011

Tuesday October 18 2011 | Week 5

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OCCUPY EDINBURGH PROTESTS Music» p18

S cott ish S t udent Ne wspaper of the Year 2010 S i n c e 1887 T h e U K ' s O ld e st S T u d en t N ews pa p er

Short changed

Flat letting agencies charging students up to £200 for ‘cleaning’ and ‘administration’ costs

Edinburgh students living in rented accommodation are being forced to pay hundreds of pounds worth of additional charges for basic cleaning as well as administration charges as high as £100 at the end of their tenancies.

An investigation by The Student has revealed that many students are being met with substantial charges for cleaning, ‘administration fees’ and ‘key money’, both at the beginning and the end of a lease.

Grant Management, one of the biggest letting agencies in Edinburgh, usually charges tenants a £100 fee to

"secure the property and take it off the market", in addition to £75 each in ‘administration’ fees.

The picture isn’t much brighter when moving out.

With the same letting agent, many students are charged 'cleaning costs', which are around £16-£20 per hour and can last for an unlimited period of time, in addition to the £25-per-tenant administration fee.

One group of students described to The Student how they spent two days cleaning their house prior to moving out, but still had £342.87 deducted from their deposit in ‘cleaning’ and ‘administration’ costs.

Liam Bryan, now a third year student, said, “we sent a response asking for some receipts showing they’d had it Continued on page three>>

luke mead

Leo Michelmore

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

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2 News

Billionare beats Blessed The Student Newspaper | 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh, EH8 9TJ Email: editors@studentnewspaper.org

Noted actor Brian Blessed has failed in his attempt to become the University of Cambridge's next Chancellor in the first contested election for the post in more than 150 years.

Blessed, famed for his booming voice, mountaineering exploits and roles in Blackadder and Flash Gordon was drafted into the race by a group of graduate students unhappy about the University Nomination Board's official candidate, Lord Sainsbury.

Blessed lost to the former Labour minister and Sainsbury's supermarket executive by 1389 votes to 2893. Socialist lawyers Michael Mansfield came third with 964 votes and Abdul Arain, a shopkeeper in the city's Mill Road standing in protest against the threat posed to small business by stores such as Sainbsury's, came fourth, with 312 votes.

Almost six thousand members of the university Senate – members of staff and graduates awarded a Cambridge masters degree – voted on Friday and Saturday, with the result announced on Sunday afternoon, with some travelling from as far as Hong Kong and Boston to cast their ballots.

Speaking after the result, Sainsbury said, “I am pleased and honoured to have been elected as the next Chancellor of Cambridge University, and would like to thank all those who have supported me, and the other candidates who have made this such a friendly election.

“I am particularly pleased that the election did not turn into a battle between the arts and humanities and science, or between political parties, and I look forward to championing the university in its

NEWS >>p2-7 A "DECENT BURIAL" p4 Calls for University of Wales closure EUSA CONSTITITIONAL REFORMS p6 First online referendum in Union history WHAT A CURRY ON p7 Edinburgh student hospitalised after curry contest

comment >>p10-11 SQUANDERED TALENT p10 Douglas White on unethical career choices FACADE OF LIBERALISM p11 Suzannah Compton examines Burmese reforms

FEATURES >>p12-14 GOING GLOBAL p12 Tess Malone discusses the impact of the Occupy Wall Street movement

GORDON'S ALIVE: Blessed talks to supporters during the vote entirety at home and abroad in the years ahead.”

Billionaire Sainsbury, who studied history and psychology at the university in the 1960s, was a director of his family's supermarket chain before becoming science minister for the Labour government. He sparked controversy by donating £2m to the party whilst a minister and for his links to companies promoting GM crops.

Seth Thévoz, who started the campaign to get Blessed elected, said: "A huge thank you to everyone who helped out with this wonderful campaign, which has been a labour of love. We may not have won, but we were able to offer the university a truly remarkable and deserving candidate, with an upbeat, positive campaign worthy of Cambridge and worthy of Brian. Brian’s intervention also contributed a great deal to making sure this was a genial and courteous election - hopefully it should provide a model for how any future elections should be run.�” Blessed ran an unsurprisingly colourful campaign, centered on the need to get more children from working class back-

www.thouronaward.org

ALL DRESSED UP p20 Zoe Blah gets in costume with The Salon Project LIVING IN A PHANTASY WORLD p25 Joshua Angrave interviews Connan Mockasin MORE THAN JUST RIVER CITY p28 The TV editors recount their favourite Scottish TV

sport>>p31-32 SHOWDOWN DOWN UNDER p31 Charles Cutteridge on the impending Rugby World Cup Final

grounds: “It broke my heart", he said in a speech to the University's Union Society, "that I couldn’t go and this is an opportunity to be part of such a wonderful and beatific university. Who better than me who went to a state secondary school to help youngsters realise their dreams?”

Blessed, who was born into a coal mining family in South Yorkshire, pledged in characteristic fashion. to turn up to his installation carrying a Davy Lamp used by his ancestors.

A number of Blessed's supporters criticised Cambridge University Press – whose employees were entitled to voted – for sending staff an e-mail urging a vote for Sainsbury, despite the rulebook prohibiting any part of the University other than the Nominations Board from expressing support for any one candidate.

The e-mail drew particular attention to the amounts of money Sainsbury had donated to the university.

The election was occasioned by the retirement of Prince Phillip, who also stepped down as Edinburgh University Chancellor this summer.

Fox resigns over Edinburgh friendship Sian Williams

STRAPPED FOR CASH? p13 Andrew Small's top tips for the penniless student

Reviews >>p19-29

RIC PARKIN

Dan Heap

Fully Funded Study in the USA Up to TEN awards, each with a total value of approx US$80,000 per year, covering tuition fees and living expenses, including travel in the USA, will be available (for 1 or 2 years) from 1st September 2012 for candidates who wish to pursue a postgraduate programme at the University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, USA. Applications are invited by 5pm on 1st November 2011 Thouron Awards were created by Sir John and Lady Thouron for the promotion of academic exchange and experience in international friendship between the UK & USA. For further details visit www.thouronaward.org in association with or contact Jennie Eldridge, Award Administrator on +44 (0)20 7848 3376 quoting ref TA11.

13170 Thouron_Student_80x128mm.indd 1

Defense Secretary Liam Fox has resigned following investigations amid claims he broke the ministerial code.

Foreign Secretary, William Hague, has stated that the Coalition will be considering the wider problems with the lobbying system in the wake of the scandal that engulfed Fox over his relationship with friend and “adviser” Adam Werritty.

Liam Fox, then an opposition spokesman for constitutional affairs, met Adam Werritty, a student at Edinburgh University and 17 years his junior in 1998.

Liam Fox resigned on Friday following growing concerns that Werritty, who was not a Government employee, was being paid by Conservative donors to promote a foreign policy agenda distinct from that of the UK government.

In a letter to David Cameron, Fox had apologised for having “mistakenly allowed” personal and professional responsibilities to be “blurred”.

Fox is to be replaced by Transport Secretary Philip Hammond whilst Labour critics said that Fox had failed to uphold the standards expected of ministers and concluded that his departure had been inevitable.

Hague also confirmed that findings of Sir Gus O’Donnell, the Cabinet Secretary’s inquiry into the Fox-Werritty affair would be published on Tuesday and that “the Government will take full stock of any implications of that”.

26/09/2011 09:20

news@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

News 33

“It just feels like we’re going to be held to ransom for money we really can’t afford” >> Continued from front page

professionally cleaned and everything, just to try to get some of the money back,” but they failed to attain their aim.

The Student found that similar flat cleaning services – charged by Grant Management at £200 – could be found in Edinburgh for the same period of time, for £112, £98 or even for £84 – less than half that Grant Management had asked for.

“

If we all lived in a perfect world, the exisiting tenants would leave everything as it should be . . . we try to resolve any issues individually."

Debbie Rummens, Grant Management managing director Sophie Alexander, a fourth year English student, told The Student she and her flatmates were charged £125 for end of tenancy cleaning by 1st Choice Property Management – despite conducting a complete clean of the flat only days before the visit from 1st Choice Property Management’s

Have your say

““

agent.

In light of the impending increase in tuition fees, there are also concerns that some new students will struggle the financial strain of under the unexpected charges.

One first year French student told The Student, “I’m really looking forward to moving out of halls next year, but it just feels like we’re going being held to ransom for money we really can’t afford at the moment.”

The charges are being handed to students who already face rent prices in Edinburgh that are frequently found to be amongst the most expensive in Scotland, if not across the UK. Talking to The Student, Debbie Rummens, managing director of Grant Management, sympathised with students but denied that the fees were taking advantage of their position.

She said, “If we all lived in a perfect world, the existing tenants would leave everything as it should be . . . we would love to never have to instruct new work to be done, but it is work that people think will just automatically happen.

“There are always times when people are going to be unhappy, and we try to resolve any issues individually.”

Such experiences appear to be widespread according to the Scottish Government’s 'Review of the Private Rented Sector'.

The review found that, “Approximately one quarter to one third of households seeking return of their deposit have some or all of it withheld . . .

It is estimated that the value of [them] is in the range from £5.3m to £8.4m per year.

“The numbers above would suggest that the actual amount of wrongly withheld deposits in Scotland may be between £2.2 mil-

Have you had a good experience with your landlord?

Nina Schroder Postgrad, environment & development “I’ve not had many dealings with them, except from

when the washing machine was broken and they fixed it instantly. I’ve not been living in the flat as long as my flatmates, but they have been living there for three years and they have had a good experience.”

Andrew Ash 3rd year, law “Our last landlord was rubbish. They were good at

fixing things for us, but when we were getting our deposit back they gave us a description of the things they were taking money off for. They charged for three items that didn’t exist, including a microwave. They also charged us for rooms that didn’t exist. We were broken into and the window was boarded up with chip board.

They then charged us to remove the chip board which was very unreasonable.”

Ellie Crabtree 2nd year, Spanish & Italian

“It’s been fine for us. We had a couple of problems, but they’ve helped us straight away. I haven’t really heard about people having bad experiences.”

lion and £3.6 million per annum, due to between 8,000 and 11,000 tenants.”

Campbell Robb, chief executive of Shelter, said, “It is vital that tenants ask about fees or

charges upfront as, unfortunately, once they get to the point of getting the key it is very difficult to avoid paying.”

1st Choice Property Management could not be contacted at the time of going to press.

MY story

Sophie Alexander

Sorting out flats can be a stressful time. Who’s living with who, a slight panic that you’ll be left out of the furore of friends scrabbling to get their ideal flatmate in an ideal location. Once the perfect (or cheapest) flat has been situated, there’s then the stress of who’s having the smallest room? And should they pay less? Do we share food? Stop stealing my cheese/pasta/shower gel!

And so on…

Last year I was lucky enough to be living with three wonderful people in a brilliantly located flat, a few minutes from the central university campus.

Third year progressed and our letting agents, 1st Choice Property Management, seemed fine. They always answered the phone, and despite taking two months to fix the toilet in our shower room, seemed fairly decent.

Unfortunately, come moving out time, they turned from fuzzy little guys in the archetypal badly fitting suit, to snakelike, slick and slimy con men.

We moved out in July, and to ensure our flat was all shiny and sparkly, my mum came up to help us clean. For two solid days, we scrubbed and polished.

My mother is a pretty meticulous lady, and whilst I was moping around, duster in hand, bored, she was like Aggie and Kim on speed.

An agent called Gordon came around to do a walk around the property and collect our keys. He was barely older than us, having graduated from Edinburgh last year. He tried the whole, “I was a student too, I un-

derstand you need your deposit back, 1st Choice aren’t like the other letting agents” spiel. Yet it turned out this was just a big old fib.

He deduced the flat was ‘dusty’ and some surfaces had “clearly not been cleaned”. Admittedly there was a little dust on the floor, but the inspection was five days after the big clean, and a small bit of fluff has accumulated in this time.

No more than five minutes sweeping and it would have been sorted.

When we received a notification that we would be billed for £125 worth of cleaning, I knew then we were dealing with people who were unashamedly trying to rip us off. After a month of phonecalls, the sum was then reduced to £75, still a disgusting amount, but better than the original amount.

Two months later and we were still waiting for our deposits to be returned.

At this point we had found another flat, put down a new deposit and owed our first months rent. Paying all this whilst still awaiting our old deposit back was stressful and unpleasant. We just about had enough money between us to come up with the new rental payments, but for a couple of weeks, none of us had any money.

Letting agents seem to believe that because you are a student, you will be too lazy to contest them over the ridiculous charges they will place on you.

But we fought them for it. And at least got some cash back after what felt like years of complaining.

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

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4 News

University of Wales - Rest in Peace?

Alasdair Drennan WELSH EDUCATION minister Leighton Andrews has called for a “decent burial” for the University of Wales following ongoing revelations about the institution’s practices of validating fraudulent diplomas.

The Student reported last week that an investigation by the BBC had revealed that University of Wales students had been advised how to cheat in exams in order to gain their postgraduate diplomas.

The University of Wales is a confederal institution that issues degrees on behalf of a number of different accredited institutions both in Wales and abroad representing over 100,000 students.

Early last week, Andrews called for the chair of the university council to stand down but he has now suggested that the awarding body should be closed as a number of institutions announced that they planned to award their own degrees in future.

The University of Wales Institute, Cardiff (UWIC) announced online that it would be changing its name to Cardiff Metropolitan University, distancing itself from the University of Wales.

Barbara Wilding, Chair of UWIC’s Board of Governors, said, “The Board of Governors has deter-

mined that there is a pressing need to now invoke our own degree awarding powers and to adopt the new name, thereby signalling nationally and internationally our departure from the University of Wales.”

Glyndwr University and The University of Wales, Newport have also announced similar plans to issue their own degrees in future.

In a further blow, funding for a hitech scholarship programme (Powis) was withdrawn this week.

Welsh business minister Edwina Hart said in a statement to the Welsh Assembly, “I can confirm that a review of Powis was undertaken by the Welsh Government’s corporate governance and assurance division in January this year which identified a number of management and governance shortcomings mainly in relation to the eligibility of EU funds expenditure.”

It emerged that University of Wales staff owned equities in companies linked to the Powis scheme.

Andrews was keen to reassure University of Wales students that their degrees remained valuable.

Speaking to BBC Radio Wales, he said, “There is, of course, nothing wrong with the University of Wales degree properly awarded. I have a University of Wales degree, so does the first minister, so do many assembly members.

“But I think what has happened over the last 12 months is deplorable and as I said before on this programme, the University of Wales has let Wales down.”

Earlier this month, the University took the decition to stop accrediting the degrees of other institutions from 2012 and instead focus on transforming the University of Wales under a new academic strategy.

Calum Leslie

Education minister calls for “decent burial” of troubled institution

Edinburgh conference debates energy future

OIL SPILL: The society suggest that oil spills were polluting drinking water and harming the fishing industry in Niger.

emily Jarrett

CAREERS FAIR DISRUPTED: The Amnesty International Society protestor outside the careers fair against Shell.

emily Jarrett

Nina Seale

Broadcaster and journalist Jon Snow joins guest speakers from all around the world in Edinburgh this month for the second annual conference that brings together experts, investors and energy and electricity companies to discuss the vision to make Scotland the first country to ditch fossil fuels and become 100 per cent reliant on renewable energy sources by 2020.

Last week Dr Andy Kerr, director of the Edinburgh Centre on Climate Change, gave the opening lecture at the University of Edinburgh in the series of public lectures entitled Our Changing World.

The talk looked to the potential Scotland has to reduce its emissions and pull energy from renewable sources off the coasts of Scotland.

The lecture follows on from the recent visit of Al Gore to the university, where he praised Scottish research in the field, led by the University of Edinburgh.

Dr Kerr told The Student, “Being only 0.2 per cent of global emissions

currently, Scotland won’t make a great deal of difference to global emissions but all countries have struggled to wean themselves off carbon fuels and if you can get a country to show them that you can have a prosperous economy and reduce your emissions and non-renewable fuel usage, that is much more important than physically reducing emissions.

“Scotland definitely has the capacity to deliver 100 per cent of its energy from renewable sources, whether it happens by 2020 or by 2030 we could represent leadership to the rest of the world.”

The Scottish government has already published extensively on offshore targets and the Scottish Low Carbon Investment Conference has focussed on developing operations that would help to reach these, by integrating investment companies with the project developers and scientists.

In an interview with Edinburgh Inspiring Capital Liz McAreavey, Director of Development at Edinburgh Chamber of Commerce, stated that “Scotland’s ‘2020 vision’ is to generate the equivalent of 100

per cent of our annual electricity consumption from renewables.

“With around a quarter of both Europe’s tidal and offshore wind capacity, and 10 per cent of its potential in wave power – as well as significant opportunities in hydro-power, onshore wind and biomass – Scotland is uniquely well placed to deliver on its world-leading targets.”

The Edinburgh Centre on Climate Change has been working on similar targets of interdisciplinary cooperation for energy goals on a smaller scale.

The centre manages the core function climate exchange centre to pass information between the research scientists in their laboratories to lawyers and politicians developing energy policies.

Additionally they harness new ideas coming from universities and foreign experts, scaling them into packages that can be taught to management and leaders of affected companies.

The series of lectures at the University of Edinburgh includes a lecture from Snow on 19 November.

ScholarShipS and Student Funding ServiceS

Money worries getting in the way of your studies?

the university of edinburgh administers funds to assist students struggling with their finances for More inforMation go to: www.ed.ac.uk.student-funding/ financial-assistance

Supporting Students and Changing Lives The University of Edinburgh is a charitable body, registered in Scotland, with registration number SC005336.

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

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6 News

Katherine bradley and luke mead

Saint Andrew Square occupied as Edinburgh activists join global demos

Sam Bradley AROUND 500 protestors camped out in St Andrew Square this weekend to coincide with the worldwide Occupy movement, that has seen protestors occupy Wall Street in New York in protest at the implications of worldwide financial meltdown.

The Occupy Edinburgh protest group said on its website that “we are a people powered movement, protesting against the increasing social and economic injustice in this country, and the world.

“Our Government has ensured that the status quo is maintained and the people who caused the current situation continue to profit as they ensure the people of this country pay the price

of a debt we did not create. What we have in common is that we want people over profit. We are making our voices heard against greed and corruption and for a just society.”

Beginning at approximately 1pm on Saturday, at least one hundred activists began to occupy the park, situated in the historically affluent section of the city behind Princes Street. The protest attracted greater numbers throughout the day; the crowd numbered students, veteran activists and other members of the public.

Several protestors confirmed that the event was not linked to any specific political cause. Felix Wiesner, a second year Civil Engineering student at Edinburgh University told The Student, “I’m here because when I heard about the protest, I agreed that it was a good

cause. I think this should present a clear message; it’s not just about socialism. We are the 99 per cent, but the 1 per cent own all the wealth and make all the decisions – since the banking crisis the 99 per cent have been paying for the mistakes of the 1 per cent and we’re still paying for them.”

Protestor Eric Nelson, from Boston said, “for me, [the 99 per cent] is everyone that I know. I don’t know anybody that wouldn’t support these protests.

My mother, she’s demonstrating right now with Occupy Boston and I feel like I have a world duty to stand in solidarity with that.”

Author Robert Swanepoel told The Student, “I’ve always been concerned about inequality; all the evidence is out there that capitalism doesn’t work – we’re fed lots of myths about people

at the top needing to be paid more and for people at the bottom having their pay cut or their benefits slashed – it’s nonsense.”

After a general assembly in the centre of the park, a section of the group decided to stage an impromptu march through the city centre. The march started at 4pm and went on a circular route from St Andrews, down to the Grassmarket by way of Lothian Road.

Escorted by motorcycle outriders and officers on foot, the 150-strong group marched onto the George IV Bridge before heading back to the square by way of the Mound. Mimicking the organisation and tactics of the original Occupy Wall St demonstrations still ongoing in New York, the group had no leadership; speakers were invited from the crowd to join in the ad-hoc

rally.

At least 20 protestors slept overnight in St Andrew Square and, at the time of going to print, are continuing to protest for an undetermined length of time.

Protests inspired by the Occupy Wall St movement have started all over the world, in 85 countries. Whilst protestors converged on Paternoster square in the City of London, other anti-capitalist demonstrators organised mass protests that were attended by tens of thousands of people in Hong Kong, Madrid and Rome.

Lothian & Borders Police Force did not respond to requests for comment.

The Student was there - see our footage at bit.ly/thestudentvideo and our photos at bit.ly/occupationphotos

EUSA constitutional reforms ushered through Union’s first ever online referendum makes new constitution a reality after four years of campaigning for change Sian Williams THE STUDENTS of the University of Edinburgh have voted "yes" to change EUSA’s constitution in the first online referendum in the union’s history.

On October 12, students were given the opportunity to vote in an online referendum over changes to the constitution. The results were announced in Teviot two days later on Friday night.

An online referendum was held in replacement of General Meetings to give students a greater opportunity to participate in the referendum.

Supporters from the YES campaign argued that the current consti-

tution was written to govern a very different organisation to the EUSA of today and had not changed significantly since it was first composed in 1974.

The proposal was initially developed by both students and staff and later reviewed by expert charity lawyers from Turcan Connell, to help establish EUSA as a fully independ-

“

The new constitution will translate the views of the student body into policy and campaigns... representing student interests for the improvement of the student experience."

Edinburgh University Students' Assocation

ent charity.

The new constitution aims to “translate the views of the student body into policy and campaigns” in addition to representing “student interests for the improvement of the student experience at the University of Edinburgh”.The constitution includes Articles of Association and a series of regulations to govern particular aspects of EUSA’s structures and services.

A reformed representative structure is aimed to maximise opportunities for student involvement and embody equal opportunities for all.

This includes historically underrepresented groups such as ethnic minorities, LGBT, mature students, women, postgraduates and students with disabilities.

The change in constitution will ensue the accountability of governance for decisions taken by and on behalf of representatives and reflect the additional, more modern services now provided by EUSA: “The new constitution brings EUSA into the 21st century, making it more relevant and stronger: making it the inclusive, campaigning

union that students deserve.”

Moreover, it is hoped that with the reforms, campaigns are to become more accessible with three separate councils for External, Welfare and Academic issues.

At the same time, EUSA held byelections, during which candidates campaigned for places on the Student Representative Council (SRC) and to become NUS positions in both the Scottish and UK delegacies.

The by-election was the second electoral test of the Defend Edinburgh political group. The group aims to oppose austerity cuts to education funding through direct action and EUSA policy. The group released a statement on their Facebook page, saying "A very successful campaign for Defend Edinburgh. We won 16 out of the 21 seats we contested: 2 NUS Scotland and 3 NUS UK Delegates, 3 First Year Reps, 4 Undergraduate Reps, 3 Postgraduate Reps and 3 Members of the Committee of Management."

The six seats for NUS UK delegates were won by: Stephen Donelly, Mike Shaw, James McAsh, Emma Meehan, Hugh Murdoch, and Mike

Williamson with the latter four also acting as Scottish delegates for the NUS.

“

The new constitution brings EUSA into the 21st century, making it more relevant and making it stronger" Edinburgh University Students' Assocation

SRC positions for Undergraduate Chemistry and the Medical Schools were unable to be filled due to the lack of candidates whilst nominations for Continuing Graduates are to be reopened after only one seat was concretely awarded to Alba Traebert.

Two seats were also granted to the Edinburgh College of Art which will be held by Cashel FL Brown and Fraser Graham.

news@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

News 7

“The media were obsessive” Alasdair Drennan

AN EDINBURGH University student became the central focus of much of the world’s media after coming second in a curry-eating competition that saw her taken to hospital twice as a result of the event.

Curie Kim, a philosophy student on a semester-long exchange in Edinburgh from Dartmouth College was taken to hospital in an ambulance after eating multiple portions of increasingly hot curry at the Kismot Indian restaurant on St Leonard’s Street.

The story was trending on Twitter; was the most read story on BBC News online and was picked up by hundreds of news agencies worldwide.

Kismot is well known for its ‘Kismot Killer’ - touted as one of the hottest curries in the world - along side a number of other unusual menu offerings including marshmallow naan bread and vindaloo ice cream.

In an interview with The Student, Kim explained that she had entered the competition for fun after enjoying a meal at Kismot. She said she and her friend who entered with her were looking for some “shenanigans” whilst they were here in Edinburgh.

“The first time I went to hospital, I don’t think they understood the gravity of my pain and they thought it was a joke, partly because they thought my name was Curry.”

This was also a mistake made by many of the news stories covering the event.

She said, “My name is pronounced Curie like the Nobel prize winner Marie Curie not ‘curry’. Some journalists

need to get better at their fact checking.

“By nine o’clock at night it just got so bad. I was rolling and screaming in pain on the floor, I started hyperventilating and my fingers got paralysed and wouldn’t bend and that’s when I called an ambulance and went back to the hospital.”

Kim also told The Student about her experiences under the gaze of the world’s media.

“The media coverage was almost obsessive. I started this as a joke and I didn’t expect anything. On the day, no one was there and post-facto suddenly all these reporters start swarming and it’s like the biggest deal. I couldn’t believe it was the most viewed thing on BBC. “My friends back at home in Korea told me that they saw a girl that looked just like me and then read the article and realised that it was me. They were telling me that I had had my fifteen minutes of fame and I said no fame, just shame.

“On Facebook there were random people who started messaging me asking if I was OK and telling me ‘good job with the curry’ and ‘you’re really cool for doing that, congratulations’.

“I really think it says a lot about the media that people are taking a joke article this seriously. There are much more grave things happening in the world.”

In spite of the competition, Kim said that she felt she was, “making the most of her time here.”

Abdul Ali, owner and manager of the family-run restaurant told The Student, “We haven’t finished collecting all the money but we have raised over £1000 for CHAS (Children’s Hospice Association Scotland).”

The restaurant has been criticised for the way in which the event was run.

There were first aiders at the contest but they were unable to deal with some of the more violent reactions to the curry and ambulances were called for two competitors.

Nina Seale

BON APPETIT: Free ambulance ride with every meal!

Mr Ali admitted mistakes had been made but vowed to carry on the competition in future, “We had the British Red Cross in attendance but regrettably we had to call ambulances to ensure the safety of the competitors. We will certainly cool things down next year but we still aim to raise even more money for our chosen charity.”

A spokesperson for the Scottish

ambulance Service told The Student, “Two patients were taken to Edinburgh Royal Infirmary after becoming very unwell at Kismot restaurant. We would urge the organisers to review the way in which this event is managed in future in order to avoid another situation where emergency ambulances are required to treat their customers.”

Scottish courses could be axed if fee rises deter English students from applying Edinburgh Uni insist they expect increase in RUK applications Nina Seale Glasgow University has expressed concerns that higher education courses in Scotland could be cut as a result of rest of UK (RUK) student applications dropping for four-year courses.

A submission to the Scottish Government’s consultation on the fees charged to RUK students from Glasgow University states, “There remains a high level of uncertainty as to how students will respond to the fee regimes being introduced by the four countries of the UK. “Given that likely fee levels will not cover the full costs of teaching there is little financial upside if Scottish Universities are able to increase the total

number of RUK students studying in Scotland.

“However if the total number of RUK students studying in Scotland decreases significantly, then there will be substantial financial loss across the sector - probably concentrated on a small number of universities.

If universities are unable to bridge this gap from other funding streams, including the Scottish Funding Council (SFC), then they may need to reduce costs. This may include reshaping of course provision.”

Concerns that the four-year courses in Scotland may cause less RUK students to apply to Scottish universities have existed for a while, with applications from English students dropping by 15 per cent this year.

Scottish universities will need an extra £200 million a year by 2014/2015 to be able to compete with the resources English universities will have due to the higher fees.

In a press release, Scottish education secretary Mike Russell said, “Scottish

students and their parents have long had the reassurance of knowing that undergraduate education in Scotland will remain free.

“To maintain opportunities for our students, and to protect our world leading universities’ reputation and competitiveness, we had no choice but to respond to the increase in tuition fees to £9,000 south of the border.”

Professor Sir Timothy O’Shea, principal of Edinburgh University, was unavailable for comment but has told MSPs it is “extremely hard” to predict the consequences of the rising fees on RUK applications.

However, he did say, “In the case of Edinburgh University, we have looked at the possibility of an increase of up to 20 per cent of RUK students.”

A consultation paper released by the Scottish Government predicts the competition will be too fierce for English students, stating that “Scottish domicile students, on the basis of cost, may be more likely in the future to seek places within Scottish universities

rather than cross the border; EU students may also see Scottish universities preferentially to English universities on the basis of cost.

“This combination could lead to increased competition for places at Scottish Universities from these groups, potentially reducing places available to English domicile students and thereby reducing the level of cross border flow in both directions.”

However, a study by the University of Leicester involving 730 sixth formers has revealed that 90 per cent of would-be applicants will not be put off by higher fees.

English sixth form student Elizabeth Bignall, 17, told The Student that the four year courses are not a factor, saying, “I’d apply for any university based on its academic results and whether or not it had a course I was interested in.

“A four-year course definitely wouldn’t put me off, it would depend on whether I thought I would enjoy my time there.”

luke mead

The Edinburgh student who took on the Kismot curry talks to The Student about the aftermath

Shaken, not spooked ON THE west coast of Scotland, overlooking Loch Crinan, lies a castle that has been supposedly haunted for nearly four hundred years. Rumour has it that the last spy known to have operated in Duntrane Castle had his hands cut off.

But it takes more than ghostly warnings to scare off the most infamous spy of them all- Scotland’s oldest continuously occupied castle has been selected from fifty other locations in the UK to be the setting of the climatic finale of the latest James Bond film.

Maybe it was the gothic romance of this castle’s lone silhouette on the ragged Scottish moors, but maybe it was the haunted history written in its old stone walls that persuaded the big names in Britain’s film business to head north.

The director of the new film is Oscar-winning Sam Mendes. His publicist told The Student that the director of the spy film had been sworn to secrecy on the subject, but have discovered that Daniel Craig and Judi Dench shall return to Bond’s next adventure, as well as learning that French actress Berenice Marlohe will become the next Bond girl, with Pirates of the Caribbean witch Naomie Harris assuming the role as Miss Moneypenny.

Current clan chief of the Castle’s current owners, Robin Malcolm, told the Daily Mail “We had surveyors up the other day measuring the place for studio work. But it won’t start properly until January. But I can’t go into details; I am sworn to secrecy about the plot. I know a good bit about it already, but only the bit that happens here.”

In 1644 Duntrane Castle belonged to the Clan Campbell, and was beseiged by the rival MacDonalds, who captured the castle. One story says that the MacDonald chief Alasdair ‘Colkitto’ Mac Colla had to leave his prize to return home, leaving his men behind to guard it.

Without his leadership the Campbells attacked and regained ownership of the castle, killing all the MacDonald men, except for Mac Colla’s piper due to his revered status. The Campbells tried to lay a trap for Mac Colla on his return, forcing the piper to play a tune of welcoming from the ramparts as the MacDonald boat drew close.

However, the piper’s loyalty had not been swayed and the MacDonalds recognised that the tune was one of warning ‘Cholla mo Run, Seachain a Dun’ (Beloved Coll, avoid the castle), retreating fast and leaving the piper. When the Campbells realised the piper’s decision to remain a spy for his clan, they cut off his hands.

During renovation of the Castle, builders found a handless skeleton believed to be that of the piper’s. It was believed to be an Episcopalian burial, despite the fact that as a MacDonald the piper would have been Catholic, so it is believed that the Campbells used their traditions in his burial. It is speculated that this is why his haunted spirit does not rest.

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

Send your letters to: editors@studentnewspaper.org

8 Editorial

Editorial

The Student considers some less-than-beautiful mistakes

Join us!

The Student is always looking for budding reporters, reviewers, illustrators, photographers, and designers to join our team.

No experience necessary!

If you're interested, here’s how to track us down: » In person: Meetings every Tuesday in the Cabaret Bar, Pleasance at 1.15pm.

Socials: Tuesdays in The Counting House at 8.30pm. » By email: editors@studentnewspaper.org » On Facebook: tinyurl.com/StudentFacebook » On Twitter: twitter.com/TheStudentPaper A quick history lesson...

The Student was launched by Scottish novelist and poet Robert Louis Stevenson in 1887 as an independent voice for Edinburgh's literati. It is Britain's oldest student newspaper and is an independent publication, reaching more than 10,000 University of Edinburgh students every week.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Lord Kitchener, David Lloyd George and Winston Churchill are a few of the famous people who have been associated with the paper. In the early 1970s, Gordon Brown worked as a news editor and diary columnist, working alongside Robin Cook who at the time was in charge of film and concert reviews.

Disclaimer

The Student welcomes letters for publication. The editors, however, reserve the right to edit or modify letters for clarity. Anonymous letters will not be printed but names will be witheld on request. The letters printed are the opinions of individuals outwith The Student and do not represent the views of the editors or the paper as a whole.

Editors Anna Feintuck/Eloise Kohler

News Sam Bradley/Alasdair Drennan/Calum Leslie Comment Becky Chan/Lewis MacDonald Features Nina Bicket/Hannah Clark/Debbie Hicks Lifestyle Sophie Craik/Lilidh Kendrick Tech Tom Hasler/Thom Louis Herring Max Johnson/Guy Rughani/Ben Scally Culture Zoe Blah/Michael Mackenzie Music Joshua Angrave/Tom Kinney Film Tess Malone/Ali Quaile TV Dan Heap/Daniel Swain Commission Kathryn Lloyd Sport Davie Heaton/Chris Waugh Copy editor Daniel Davies/Carl O’Gorman

So, it turns out Liam Fox met his friend and “personal advisor” Adam Werritty here at Edinburgh University.

Last week The Student was inundated – well, there were three or four – with requests from national papers wanting to go through our archives in the hope of finding a photo of the two men together. We didn’t have any, but it did get us thinking: will Fox end up regretting his familiarity with Werritty, or will friendship win out, regardless of the damage it has done to his career? With that in mind, we present to you some famously regrettable decisions made at university – and some you might still have time to make yourself.

1. Cameron smokes a little bit of marijuana.

Our esteemed Prime Minister has never confirmed this, saying merely at a 2005 Conservative Party conference that he had “a typical student experience . . . I did lots of things before I came into politics which I shouldn’t have done. We all did.” That’s a yes, then. But really, is anyone surprised?

Scandalised? We’re not sure whether this gives Cameron slightly more street-cred than his petulant toddler-

esque visage would otherwise command, or whether it simply makes us yawn and flick to the next story.

2. Clegg was a Conservative? Shocker!

In the run up to the last general election, he vehemently denied ever having been a member of the Conservative Party whilst at university.

The story seems to have died down since then – could this be because he’s so clearly besotted with Cameron that past betrayals to the liberal cause have faded into insignificance when compared with the atrocities he’s been witness to in the last year?

3. You haven't done any work. Neither have we.

As previously alluded to, we here at The Student do not do enough work, in the university sense of the word. Although we devote - squander? - countless hours down in the basement where the newspaper is created, our degrees would most definitely benefit from an equivocally conscientious attitude.

University is good fun and all that, but in our final years the one thing we

President Sean Douglass  0131 650 9189

 Student Newspaper, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh, EH8 9TJ  editors@studentnewspaper.org

Student Newspaper, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ. Tel: 0131 650 9189. The Student lists links to third party websites, but does not endorse them or guarantee their authenticity or accuracy. © Student Newspaper Society. All rights reserved. No section in whole or part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmited in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. The Student is published by the Student Newspaper Society, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ. Distributed by Lothian Couriers, 3 John Muir Place, Dunbar EH42 1GD. Tel: 01368 860115. Printed

by Cumbrian Newsprint (part of the CN Group), Carlisle Print Centre, Newspaper House, Dalston Road, Cumbria CA2 5UA, on Monday October 17 2011. Tel: 01228 612600. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

4. Casual sex – hurrah!

There seems to be something of a misconception that one night stands are something to be regretted. This does not have to be the case. Admittedly, they may have unwanted results (STDs, pregnancy, pulled muscles...) but the sex itself really isn’t something to be ashamed of. Not convinced?

Even Nick Clegg is perfectly happy to admit that he has slept with “no more than 30” women. If it’s not bad enough to ruin a politician’s career, it’s probably going to do no harm to you.

Although, having said that... Clegg... yeah, maybe don’t try to emulate him.

Ever. Please.

Your editors, Anna and Eloise.

APOLOGY: Last week's front cover image of Matt McPherson was by David A. Selby

The Student measure GOING UP Volkswagen advert If you haven't seen it, check it out. Novel advertising at its best.

Battered books and fog rollin' down behind the mountains Good enough for PJ Harvey. 'nuff said.

Creme brulee macchiatos Turns out they're not actually that nice.

Assistant Editor for Production Gregor Donaldson Photo Editor Emily Jarrett

Multimedia Luke Healey Web editor Lewis Dunne Illustration commissioner Cat O'Neil

both regret is not doing enough good, old-fashioned studying. You will never again have the opportunity to consult professors with such a wealth of knowledge, or have access to such a diverse range of sources and information, or be able to just learn something new every single day. So have your drunken mishaps, but attend class the next morning too.

The Gaga effect We respect you performing live on Jonathon Ross and everything but really, oh dear.

Brogues After a quick poll between the five of us left in the office, brogues are pronounced on the up. So clompy.

Honey & lemon tea For the snifflers out there, this is the cure – and it smells so yum.

Eight hours sleep Yeah, it's the dream, but we haven't had a good night's sleep since July and we're fine.

Library moaners You got a fine because you clearly haven't figured out how to use a calendar or MyEd. Sort it out and shut up.

GOING DOWN

© 2011 Accenture. All rights reserved.

This is your invitation to join an organisation offering greater opportunity, greater challenge and greater satisfaction. An organisation dedicated to teamwork and collaboration. An organisation working in the forefront of technology, helping 94 of the Fortune Global 100 to reinvent business. Our capabilities are so broad, you can even change jobs without ever changing companies.

Talk to Accenture and discover how great you can be.

The Accenture Experience – a careers event like you’ve never seen before Something special is coming to campus.

A careers event, like you have never seen before. Touchscreens. Videos. Games.

Networking. Drinks. And more. Explore what it means to be at the very epicentre of technology and business transformation.

Discover the size, scale and scope of what we do. See, touch and hear a whole heap of things that will surprise you. All while having fun. It’s called The Accenture Experience – and if there’s one event you go to this term, this is it.

Date: 12th October 2011 Times: From 6pm Venue: The George Hotel, 19-21 George Street, Edinburgh

Book your place today; tell your friends about it; just don’t miss out. So sign up now at your Careers Service and make sure you get to go to this one-of-a-kind experience.

Be the first to know the latest news: ‘Like’ Accenture Careers UK Follow accentureukjobs on Twitter Watch us on YouTube AccentureUKcareers

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org��

10 Comment��

Follow ������� us ������ on twitter �������� @TheStudentPaper ����������������������� or on Facebook ��������� at ��� facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper ���������������������������������� comment@studentnewspaper.org ����������������������������

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Debate

Matt Dumont and Imogen Michel lock horns over the ethical and practical implications of using nuclear power

MATT: It is undeniable that the greatest challenge facing the world in the 21st century is, and will continue to be, climate change. The 2-4ºC rise in global mean temperatures by 2050 will not only damage our global economy, but will also bear its consequences on biodiversity, land productivity, and human lives. The Kyoto Protocol of 1997 has done little to abate global anthropogenic greenhouse gas emissions, and renewable energy alternatives are simply not being produced fast enough to accommodate our burgeoning energy demand.

Despite the disasters at Fukushima, Three Mile Island and Chernobyl, nuclear fission power still remains the safest of all the non-renewable energy sources. Fortunately, no one has died as a result of the poorly operated and incompetently engineered Fukushima plant meltdown, which was, incomprehensibly, built near a fault zone.

We must cut our greenhouse gas emissions now. The only way to do this is by cessation of coal and gas electricity production and promotion of a nuclear-powered baseload supply in conjunction with a gradual switch to renewable alternatives.

IMOGEN: There is absolutely no denying that climate change is one of the most serious challenges facing humanity today and needs to be tackled urgently. However, nuclear power is simply not the answer to the problem of climate change. Even if we reached the most optimistic estimate of build-

ing ten new reactors by 2024, we would only cut the UK’s carbon emissions by four per cent. This is not enough to combat climate change.

Given that nuclear power itself cannot make a significant impact on climate change, it is therefore an expensive and dangerous distraction from real solutions to the problem. We only have a limited amount of money and resources to spend on tackling climate change and they must be used in the most effective way possible. Even major utility companies such as EDF and E.on admit that nuclear power and major new renewable energy developments cannot coexist, and so to develop one we must necessarily cut back on the other.

If we are serious about combating climate change, we cannot allow ourselves to be distracted by dangerous, expensive and unnecessary nuclear power.

MATT: I agree that a cost-effective approach must be encouraged to prevent needless, wasteful expense. What you fail to account for in the figures you give is that seventeen reactors are due for closure by 2023. This ‘energy gap’, exacerbated by rising demand, will result in a deficit on the order of 60GWe. Fortunately the government has pledged to fill much of this gap with renewables.

However, it is projected that, by 2020, offshore wind turbines will produce at 12.5p/kWh, which is actually more expensive than nuclear power reactors at 7.8p/kWh. Onshore turbines are continually subject to planning permission rejection and inefficiency due to

buildings and topography. The ten new reactors that could be constructed will surpass the energy output of the older generation, preventing the need for further fossil fuel stations to be built.

I believe our immediate future lies with carbon capture and storage, alongside the de-carbonization of transport. This would, however, put further strain on the UK’s waning energy budget. Wind power is also currently too expensive and would still require a baseload power supply from constant reliable sources such as nuclear, coal, or gas to prevent dangerous blackouts during peak hours and periods of low wind activity.

IMOGEN: Greenpeace ��������������������� and other environmental organisations have never shied away from explaining how any future ‘energy gap’ could be met more easily and safely without nuclear power. Part of Greenpeace’s work is publishing papers, and in the last few years have written reports on meeting the energy gap several times. Most importantly, they have pointed out that the biggest energy gap is in providing heat rather than electricity.

Rather than further developing our heavily centralised, outdated and inefficient power grid, if we worked to create a network of small-scale, localised combined heat and power (CHP) plants, we could massively increase the efficiency of our energy generation in a safe way, which would give us time to develop long-term renewable energy solutions. In addition, plenty of research

has been done showing that wind speed variability can be easily managed (such as Milburrow’s Managing Variability), and that CHP is more than capable of providing any necessary extra power.

In addition, while many claims are made for the supposed cheapness of nuclear energy, there are frequent problems in that the nuclear industry has always been massively subsidised by the state, and in the case of another accident, the costs will be far greater than simply financial.

MATT: I agree that the ideal energy network in the UK would be total CHP utilization. Cogeneration can be applied to all forms of electricity generation including both renewables and nuclear and, therefore, there is no reason why both cannot be utilized.

Milburrow’s points on wind energy variability mitigation should be noted; unfortunately, however, he describes wind power supplying a maximum of 40 per cent of the UK’s energy and not an energy network dependent entirely on renewables. Moreover, to achieve 40 per cent of the UK’s energy production, wind farms would occupy an area over three times the size of London (4800km2). Yes, much of this can be used offshore, but even there space is limited and of course expensive.

In September this year, 11 wind farms were forced to shut down due to Hurricane Katia - amounting to 750MW of power. Also, very cold spells that result in ice formation, can cause damage to wind turbines when power is

The annual harvest

most needed in the winter months, and subsidies are provided to the energy companies by the UK government to help pay for their loss. These events exemplify the need for a constant reliable energy source for both heating and electricity, which, unfortunately, renewables are not yet able to provide.

IMOGEN: I would agree that there are limitations to Milburrow’s article.

Given the wide range of renewable technologies available to us, however, including wave and tidal, which are improving rapidly every year, taking on renewable technology as a major source of energy in the UK has been shown in many studies to be completely viable.

We have enough versatility through using a range of different types of renewable technology, when combined with CHP, to provide secure and clean energy for generations to come. There is no need to go down the path of building more nuclear power stations, which produce vast quantities of radioactive waste (which remains dangerous to life for thousands of years) and pose a constant risk to the safety of those working in it and living around it.

If we put money, time and energy into improving renewable energy rather than pouring it into dirty, dangerous and unnecessary nuclear power stations, we stand a chance of combating some of the worst consequences of climate change. However, if we allow the development of new nuclear reactors to distract us from this, the future looks very grim indeed.

The university's brightest minds should not be wasted on big business, argues Douglas White, but should be a force for good

For 48 hours last week Adam House became the focus of much excitement, anticipation, and controversy. In excess of one hundred companies, firms, corporations and conglomerates descended for their annual harvest of the cream of the Edinburgh student crop, each one trying to out-shout the others in a manic bid to promote their brand new grad scheme or sponsored placement. Eager undergraduates flocked through the big wooden doors, each one returning with a goody bag full of branded mugs, key rings, and even a stress ball. Student flats everywhere hummed to the chatter of huge starting salaries, placements in Dubai or exciting prospects as a young banker.

As a final-year student, I entered the battle with particular vigour – the knowledge that I was potentially picking how I spent my whole life lying heavily on my mind. As an ambitious, liberal-minded and possibly very naïve young man, my sights were set on a career that would help make the

world a better place. Not, I might add, necessarily in a way that would put my name down in the history books – I am not Mother Theresa.

“

I watched aghast as students were cheaply bribed and great hordes of talented individuals were shepherded into finance and big business."

Instead, I wanted a steady job that would result in a few people having to put up with a little less hardship in their lives. I wanted to design wind turbines to combat rising sea levels.

I wanted to reform the education system to ensure young adults lead a healthier lifestyle. I wanted to bring

the internet to Africa.

I spent my afternoon wandering among the colourful advertising banners of innumerate banking firms, business super-corporations, law firms and oil companies. All around me, young men and women were collecting graduate brochures in exchange for thermos flasks and cheap sports watches. I watched aghast as students were cheaply bribed and great hordes of talented individuals were shepherded into finance and big business.

The extent to which pure capitalism dominated the careers fair was overwhelming. Where were the big socially responsible companies, such as Google or Edison? Where were the international charities, such as Oxfam or RedR? Where were the renewable energy companies, long heralded as the industry of the future? Instead we got BAE systems and Shell – two of the most morally dubious corporations on the planet. I witnessed two engineering students - who were both

supposedly passionate about the offshore wind industry - signing up to manufacture guns and ammunition. I don’t think it takes a saint to make a moral judgement about that decision.

At least Majestic Wine was there to offer some light relief to the brainwashing.

All this takes place in the context of the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ movement. All across the globe, tens of thousands of men and women are protesting against the immense greed perpetrated by the same corporations that were signing up new graduates in our university last week. Their anger is directed at the finance companies that have plunged the world into the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, and rightly so – our generation will have a very tough time pursuing prestigious careers. And yet the message does not seem to have been heard – the queues of bright young students at the stalls of Barclays, Royal Bank of Scotland, Lloyds

and BlackRock tell their own story.

It is a story of boundless greed and a disdain for society. But mostly it is a sad tale of wasted potential.

I understand that the banking sector is a strong pillar of the UK economy. I understand that big business is necessary to provide us with many of the opportunities and amenities that we enjoy every day. But how satisfying will it really be to have spent your life maximising profit margins and closing those big deals? Too many graduates simply fall into traditional jobs working in the City, so I challenge every one of you: send off at least one job application to an organisation that actually makes life better. Demand a more balanced careers fair, with more charities and social enterprises. And most importantly, continue to ask yourself the question – am I simply trying to accumulate as much money as I can, or am I spending my life doing something actually meaningful?

Tell us what you think! Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper comment@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

Comment 11

On Burma’s horizon

javier martin espartosa

Suzannah Compton puts Burmese 'liberal' reforms under scrutiny

As a general rule, brutal military dictatorships have a hard time becoming cuddly, reform-minded democracies.

Despite its best attempts at pretence, the South Asian pariah state of Burma is no exception. Strict military rule ended in 2010 with the first general election held in 19 years, although a retired and much-decorated general, Thein Sein, swapped uniform for a suit and now heads the new ‘civilian government’. The election was certainly rigged – roundly castigated by international observers, it was boycotted by the hugely-popular oppositional National League for Democracy, whose landslide victory in 1991 prompted the military coup. There have, however, been signs of hope.

The NLD leader, Aung San Suu Kyi, won the 1991 Nobel Peace Prize one year into house arrest that lasted for 15 years – to international joy, she was released days after the 2010 election. Thein Sein has since met her face-to-face and allowed her back to her party offices.

The government recently engaged in a rare public spat with Beijing, one of its few international allies, after it froze construction of the new Chinafunded Irawaddy Dam, intended to be the country’s largest hydro-electric

project. The ostensible reason - it being “against the will of the people” – is somewhat incredible, and most commentators have cited environmental concerns and Thein Sein’s preference for public self-preservation. The move is, nevertheless, encouraging.

Most commented on, however, has been the decision announced last week to grant amnesty to 6,359 of the many prisoners languishing in its camps and jails. A particular hope has been that the releases will include some of Burma’s estimated 2,100 political prisoners.

There have been some notable releases. Zarganar, a comedian imprisoned in 2008 after criticizing the junta’s response to Cyclone Nargis, which killed 140,000 people, walked free on Wednesday. The ethnic Shan leader Sai Say Htan, in his 70s and reportedly suffering from ill health, was imprisoned in 2005 for refusing to contribute in the drafting of a new constitution, but is now back with his family.

Much of the hope surrounding the releases has evaporated. Most of the 6,359 names on the secret list are thought to be those of petty criminals

– their release from an infamously harsh justice and penal system is welcome, but hardly symptomatic of real liberalisation.

Many of the most famous activists and dissidents remain behind bars. Min Ko Naing, the leader of a brutally-suppressed 1988 rebellion, has not been released. The fate of many of the monks whose role in the 2007 protests made the front pages, remains uncertain.

Suspicions of the government’s motives are growing. US and EU sanctions have hobbled the economy for years, but recent suggestions have been made that the release of the 2,100 political prisoners might result in their easing. In a nod to Burma’s resource-rich potential, Thein Sein is responding.

Democratisation has so far been a set-back for the economy - £300m in direct foreign investment between 2009 and 2010 rose to £20bn between 2010 and 2011, increasing the value of the Kyat currency by 20-25 per cent and pulling the plug on export value. The result? The produce of the 70 per cent agricultural economy has flooded local markets, driving prices down and leaving farmers in spiraling debt.

The IMF has been asked to advise,

Sarkozy vs Socialism

but Burma’s past defaults on public debt bar it from receiving financial aid – although it is doubtful as to whether any would be offered, given its past tendencies to line official pockets and bypass any public good. The Independent reports that just 1.3 per cent of government revenues are spent on public health.

The removal of sanctions, however, would be a step towards bringing Burma in from the cold. Allowed to participate fully in global trade, it is not inconceivable that Burma might some day count among the ‘tigers’.

Neighbouring Thailand and Vietnam are quietly building economic bridges.

First, however, Thein Sein and his government must truly liberalise. The 13,000 refugees living in camps along the Thai border, fleeing from repeated military crackdowns on the Kachin, Karen and Shan ethnic minorities, must be allowed to return in safety. In addition, the accusations that prisoners are used as slave-labour porters and to clear landmines must be dealt with.

“

The release of petty criminals from an infamously harsh penal system is welcome, but hardly symptomatic of real liberalisation."

The NDP must be re-registered as a political party, and Aung San Suu Kyi must be allowed to campaign and to travel. Making media such as the BBC, the Democratic Voice of Burma and Youtube accessible on Burmese internet is commendable, but the laws making their actual access a crime must be removed from the statute books.

Freedom of information and of speech, whether or not it is critical of the government, is vital.

Is all this likely? In the long-run, it is perhaps inevitable – but in the meantime, optimism must be checked. The release of 6,359 prisoners does not a free and fair society make. Rather than cleaning up its act, it appears Burma is merely power-hosing its façade.

Yasmin Morgan-Griffiths discusses the place of the Parti Socialiste in the future of French politics

The insider’s privilege of French citizenship is not a necessary requirement in order to realise that President Nicolas Sarkozy has succeeded in getting more than a few backs up over the course of his presidency. His ever increasing unpopularity was made plain for all to see when the French Socialist party won the majority of seats in the French Senate on Sunday 25th September, granting them more influence in French politics than ever before in modern history. They may have won this comparatively small battle, but will their victory be enough to win the electoral war for the left?

The PS (Parti Socialiste) won enough seats in the upper house to gain a majority, giving them far more say in the passing of future laws, posing a detrimental blow to Sarkozy and any further decisions made by his government. While this result will not directly influence the outcome of the 2012 vote, it is clear that the PS possesses several strong political candidates, including Martine Aubry, pioneer of France’s 35-hour working-week, and the party’s

current favourite François Hollande, a reassuring “left-wing austerity figure” whose policies speak reassuringly to the moderate voter in a time of financial crisis, in spite of his lack of experience and unorthodox political background. The party has been characterised by a history of fragmentation since the Revolution, making it difficult to make a good impression on voters. However, a televised debate preceding the open primary election for the PS's presidential candidate seemed to indicate a change in direction towards a more unified and stable representation of left wing interests.

For the first time, Sarkozy’s own party are openly divided against him.

While his recent actions concerning the Libyan crisis have redeemed him somewhat on the international stage, it is not enough to appease an electorate, angry about high unemployment and economic crisis. Anti-Sarkozy sentiments are no longer solely expressed by his opponents and an increasing majority of the French electorate alone; now his own party are beginning to

realise what a liability he is. It is perhaps this vehement divergence of right-wing opinion that will see Sarkozy ousted from his position at the top rather than the competence of the PS itself.

“

It is the vehement divergence of right-wing opinion that will see Sarkozy ousted from his position at the top."

Despite this rather sceptical assessment, the fact remains that the future looks bright for socialism in France, with opinion polls pointing strongly towards a victory for the left in the 2012 presidential elections. Whether or not this is a genuine change in French political feeling is up for debate. Despite the high electoral turnout for the first of the Socialists' open primary elections, many of the so called supporters of the PS seem to be lacking in conviction in

the party’s abilities as a whole, as well as those of its potential candidates.

People appear to be voting based on a desire to cast out Sarkozy and the right from the top spot rather than a strong sense of belief in Socialist policies, or those of any other party for that matter. This pattern of voting is unhappily reminiscent of the British electorate’s tentative yet radical choice to vote Lib Dem following a series of heartening, and it later transpired, empty promises. It would be unsurprising if France fell into the same trap.

There are numerous reasons to believe that the PS are in with a strong chance of winning the 2012, not least due to the repudiation the opposition has come to inspire in the French population and the overwhelming number of voters in the primaries.

Yet somewhat pessimistically, an alternative plan of action is practically non-existent for a French electorate desperate for change and forced to cling to the word of a party lacking in both charisma and potency.

Pitiably pathetic politicians

Oh Whitehall. If it’s not scandal you provide, it’s sheer silliness. If you saw last week’s NewsJack (required reading for all who want to keep abreast of news big and small, naturally) you will know that Defense Secretary Liam Fox was roundly castigated for bringing his friend Adam Werrity on diplomatic trips abroad and letting him run a charity from Ministry of Defence offices. Clearly suffering from a guilty conscience (or perhaps smarting from thinly-veiled allegations of bumsex) Fox resigned this weekend.

In yet another episode of ineptitude, Oliver Letwin, a minister in the Cabinet Office, has been admitted to dumping documents in the bins of a park near Downing Street where he worked early in the morning. Although he insists that none of it was classified material, the Daily Mirror asserts that among them were documents referring to subjects as diverse as national security, terrorism, and the personal details of his constituents in West Dorset.

It is interesting that certain members of the coalition government are seemingly bent on characterising the front benches as hapless and lovably bumbling, as opposed to the professionalism that we might expect of the most highly-placed political figures in Britain. "We’re not supposed to let our friends to hang out in the MoD and take them on jaunts to Washington and Dubai without proper security vetting?

Shucks, why didn’t anyone tell me?

It’s a bad idea to dispose of sensitive government documents in the bin of a public park? Gee, that’s surprising – can you explain why again?'

It’s a sad fact that the political celebrities of our society are those prone to the gaffe and the blunder; indiscretions abound and missteps are always afoot. Galloway, Johnson, Opik, the list goes on, and on, and on, across all political divisions and encompassing all manner of low-level idiocy.

Maybe it’s endearing, and maybe it’s just frustrating, but you certainly can’t deny that it’s a trend we’ve seen for a long time. From Yes Minister to The Thick of It, we probably can’t imagine the movers and shakers of Britain’s political establishment being slick operators in shades and sharply-tailored suits. They’re much more familiar as characters prepared to chase confidence tricksters down the street in their pyjamas and dressing gown and claiming publicly that they would rather go hungry than send their children to a comprehensive (in both cases, Oliver Letwin again).

Lewis Macdonald

Let's hear it!: features@studennewspaper.org

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

13 Features

The percentage game The smell of pepper-spray pervaded the air all over America last week as Occupy Wall Street left the confines of New York City’s Zuccotti Park and took charge across the nation.

From Boston to San Diego, OWS has travelled from coast to coast, proving the universality of the protests despite the individual grievances wielded on signs. This is because they are, in the words of the most famous slogan of the movement, the ninetynine per cent who make up the real America, even though Wall Street leads everyone to believe that the one percent should account for all financial decision-making.

That one per cent is responsible for controlling more than our wallets, but also the government. Yet the OWS protesters have found power through using their voices to finally express what the one per cent leaves unsaid; that is, to expose how Wall Street refuses to accept responsibility for its role in the financial crisis and subsequent recession.

Little over a month ago this protest originated on one street. The movement started thanks to an email last summer from the Canadian Adbusters Media Foundation, known for its anti-consumerist magazine Adbusters, which requested: “On September 17, we want to see 20,000 people flood into lower Manhattan, set up tents, kitchens, peaceful barricades and occupy Wall Street for a few months. Once there, we shall incessantly repeat one simple demand in a plurality of voices.”

The group maligned Wall Street by calling it “the financial Gomorrah of America.” They demanded protest and solidarity, invoking Egypt’s overthrow of Mubarak. Proclaiming that Tahir’s protest was successful because they vocalised one simple demand, they said similarly OWS needed a basic goal: to demand that Barack Obama establish a presidential commission to end economic influence over government.

Obama is a paradoxical figure to the protesters: it was his lack of action against - and sometimes favouring of - Wall Street during the recession that inspired the protests, but he could also be the bringer of change.

OWS has, however, been criticised as a movement without evident goals. This could explain its burgeoning popularity across America and the world according to Yves Smith, a corporate finance consultant and financial blogger at the Naked Capitalist.

This lack of centralisation, whether in the form of having no direct leadership or of having no manifesto, is forging a new model of protest.

Protests have almost become institutionalised; therefore protesting this way would only be playing into

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Tess Malone discovers �������������� the far-reaching ������������� international �������������� impact ������� of ��������������� the radical group ������������� taking on ��� America's ���������� ���������� financial ������ giants

the power structure OWS is trying to eradicate. After all, protesters harbouring demands are often labelled by the media and government as “difficult” and “irrational”.

“

OWS has taken over a month to finally reach the global sphere, but the problems it addresses are not unique to America" The inability to directly define and therefore dismiss OWS means that the media has not stopped watching and has ironically increased the movement’s influence. As Smith writes, “OWS is an experiment in something more akin to direct democracy and it explicitly places the wishes and needs of the community first. If nothing else it is exercising muscles that have atrophied badly in American discourse.”

It’s the police and not the protesters who have been called disorderly by the media. Disrespecting the American flag was the main criticism of protests in the 1960s. Last Monday, however, it was the police not the protesters that tore down an American flag and pushed over an American military veteran in attempt to quell the Occupy Boston protest. This incident serves as a microcosm of how

the power in America is the inverse of what it should be.

According to Nobel prize-winning economist Joseph Stiglitz in his essay from May for Vanity Fair "Of the 1%, by the 1%, for the 1%", 25 years ago 12 per cent of America controlled 33 per cent of the nation’s wealth, whereas today, one per cent of America controls 40 per cent. This is partially due to the fact that the one per cent has seen their incomes rise by 18 per cent during the recession, while the 99 per cent have seen theirs dip.

What this means for employment today is that one in six Americans searching for a full-time job cannot find one and 20 per cent of all youths are unemployed.

To put a face to these numbers, we must understand that the one per cent is more than just financiers, but most of America’s congress. This explains the mutual pat-on-the-back that was the bailout of the banks.

Politicians know that if they placate the one per cent while in office, they will be rewarded after they leave.

This is why tax bills cannot get past Congress without enormous tax cuts implemented for the affluent.

Instead this money could be going towards infrastructure such as education, healthcare or parks, but because the wealthy can afford that, they ignore that everyone else cannot. Ultimately this hurts everyone, because in effect an unequal economy does not utilise its people in the most productive fashion. Monopolies (ig-

nored during Republican administrations) and preferential tax laws only exacerbate the situation. The conclusion that, yes, it will get worse, seems inescapable.

The protesters are finally gaining more than just ideological success. In a joint NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll released last Wednesday, 37 per cent of the U.S. supports OWS, which is more than the 26 per cent that support the Tea Party.

Some of the world’s most venerated economists are stepping up in support, such as Nobel Prize winner Paul Krugman who went as far as to say “The real extremists here are America’s oligarchs, who want to suppress any criticism of the sources of their wealth.”

“

The protests reflect a global sense that governmental concern for the welfare of the banks has superseded their concern for that of the public" Ben & Jerry’s also became the first corporation to officially back OWS. Finally, Obama himself has seemed to support the movement: his senior advisor, David Plouffe stated “The president stands squarely with the

middle class in terms of trying to protect consumers and make sure that what happened doesn’t happen again.”

The protesters have made their mark, however, through actions not words and their biggest victory yet was when NYC’s mayor, Michael Bloomberg, conceded that he couldn’t forcibly remove protesters from Zuccotti Park, effectively giving them the space to protest in for as long as they want.

The banks are more reluctant to respond. Most bankers agree with the demonising views of the protesters that certain media outlets have encouraged, portraying them as drugged out hipsters.

A bank executive said to the New York Times, “It’s not a middle-class uprising. It’s fringe groups. It’s people who have the time to do this.” In one of the few showings of support, the CEO of Citigroup, Vikram Pandit, said that protesters’ grievances were “completely understandable” and that he would be willing to meet with them.

OWS has taken over a month to finally reach the global sphere. Perhaps this is because of its American moniker, but the problems it addresses are not unique to America.

Both Britain and the US have undergone massive bailouts recently, the difference being that while the UK government bought out part of the banks through public ownership, the American government gave money directly to the banks, leading to more cause for concern. This may be why the protest started earlier in America, but ultimately it reflects a global sense that governmental concern for the welfare of the banks has superseded their concern for that of the public.

This was brought to fruition this past Saturday when the Global Change movement took place, with a day of protest in over 800 cities and 82 countries. The movement reflects the same concerns as OWS: they say “United in one voice, we will let politicians, and the financial elites they serve, know it is up to us, the people, to decide our future.”

The biggest event planned in the UK is to occupy the London Stock Exchange for as long as necessary, but there was also a protest in Edinburgh. Whether this will grow into another camp of 1,500 protesters as it did in New York is yet to be seen, but the international solidarity proves that movement is interconnected.

OWS and its counterparts may be just a brief outburst, or they may be the start of a global revolution, but one thing is for certain: the people will no longer wait for the government to save them. The 99 per cent are finally having their say.

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper �������� Tuesday �������� October ��� 18 ����� 2011 features@studentnewspaper.org

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Features 13

Will dance for cash

Already lost the loan? Andrew Small explores seven easy ways to earn money – without selling your body Would you ever consider a parttime career as a medical guinea pig, or selling a kidney for cash?

With thousands of people applying daily for regular part-time work in shops, hotels and bars the competition for undergraduate, term-time jobs sometimes seems more cut-throat than your average Pricewaterhouse Cooper grad scheme. So how can you make money when the loan runs out?

Initially, the answer is obvious - ask the parents. But as time passes on, the chances of successfully manipulating those legally obliged to love you gradually decreases, and even this source of money is not as reliable as it once was.

If giants like RBS and Lehman Brothers can go bust, so can the bank of Mum and Dad. What's next? Escorting? A bit of light prostitution? Porn? Plenty of people have made a mint in the sex industry, but it's an extremely risky business and certainly not for everyone. There are, after all, easier ways to develop excellent customer care.

But don't give up hope just yet.

There are plenty of solutions for people looking to make money without holding down a regular job. All types of work will require different attributes and skills but with just a little practice anyone can do these:

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As time passes the chances of successfully manipulating those legally obliged to love you gradually decreases."

But the up-side is you get a lot of money for doing comparatively little.

If you are lucky you can even be given a line and paid a little extra. It's predominantly an experience, though, and shouldn't be seen as a regular income, even if more Hollywood films are being shot in the UK for budgeting reasons.

You can find online agencies who can help you become an extra and, with a bit of luck, your face could be broadcasted throughout the world. You may want to invest in come Clearasil early on.

2. Psychological Study Participant Edinburgh University has a psychology department which regularly requires

6. Begging If you cannot be bothered even getting a job as a Big Issue seller, there's always begging. There have been plenty of scandals about beggars making a good income, and even owning homes.

If you are interested in this work you have to look scruffy and in need of a decent meal - easy enough for a student - but be careful of any rookie errors. Carrying your rags in a Waitrose bag or talking to Siri on your new iPhone 4S might look a bit suspicious.

If you tried to read a battered book you may get more cash as it appears you spend your money on reading instead of meth, although this might be a hard deception for a student to convey.

7. Get a Sugar Daddy (Or Mummy) If all else fails, and being an exploitative gold-digger is your idea of japes, then you can always nab yourself a sugar daddy. Sites like sugardaddies. com are specifically designed to match men with too much money (and not enough time to actually date) with young, debt-riddled, designer-handbag-loving singles.

J marshall

1. Become an Extra Wouldn’t it be great to be on the big screen or TV, working next to big stars like Brad Pitt or the cast of River City?

To be in a masterpiece, dressed by a professional costumier, acting your heart out to be occasionally glimpsed by the audience?

Appealing? Become an extra. Extras are people who do walk-on roles and create a background for the stars.

No acting experience is required and you get paid between £65 and £200 a day. Admittedly it’s not the most exciting job in the world - most of the time you will be standing around chatting waiting for the scene to be set up. The catering isn't generally high quality either, but at least it's free grub.

with the guests – and avoid the temptation of drink.

All of these types of job are well advertised on recruitment websites as well as by the clubs themselves. It might be an idea to join the Facebook pages for your favourite nightclub, as they may well advertise vacancies there.

people to take part in psychological tests: you can enjoy a few hours answering questions safe in the knowledge that you are helping fellow students with their studies as well as the department at large.

As far as this writer is concerned there will be no physical harm. Psychological harm, however, is quite another issue. If you feel emotionally vulnerable this may not be a job for you. If not – give it a go.

The only thing I would say is don’t blame your parents for everything that has gone wrong. Be a bit more a creative in who you blame. Maybe blame your pet hamster for dying on your birthday, high speed broadband for downloading porn before you could press the stop button, or a woman saying “I’m looking for Brad Pitt, but…” for giving you an inferiority complex.

3. Focus Groups A really easy job is participating in a focus group. You sit in a room with other people and give your views on a subject. This could be anything from a TV programme to a toy, with some subjects being more challenging than others.

One focus group recently sampled Aftershock. The company wanted to introduce three new flavours and needed feedback, so they provided their study participants with a shot of each flavour.

Naturally after each shot the taste buds had to be cleared, and the company provided a pint of lager to cleanse the pallet between shots. Reportedly, by

the third shot, the feedback was not terribly coherent.

Whilst most topics are less intoxicating it should be pointed out that payment can be made cash in hand.

Naturally you should declare this to the tax office, but if you are trying to reduce the number of redundancies in the tax department, don’t declare. That way someone has to be employed to track you down.

Focus groups can be conducted by a marketing company or by a freelancer.

Sometimes these jobs are advertised in papers and on websites, but there is nothing stopping you contacting marketing companies who run focus groups with your details.

4. Mystery Shopping Who wants to be paid to go shopping?

Mystery shopping is when someone is sent into a shop to evaluate the presentation of the branch as well as rate the customer service received. Often you will be given an allowance to purchase an item. Sometimes the assignments will be a one-off job, but some are long term.

Mystery shopping isn’t just about going to the shops. Sometimes you could be appraising a restaurant or an aircraft journey – but don’t get too excited, it could be a Ryanair flight. Regardless of the assignment you cannot enjoy yourself too much: throughout the assignment you must always be making mental notes about the service and the presentation.

Payment can be in cash (between

£5 and £100 per day) or the food and drink you consume during the assignment. You do not need to take every job you are asked to do, but you will be less likely to get regular work if you say no too often.

To become a mystery shopper just register with a marketing company who provides this service or register with a website dedicated to mystery shopping. Beware of signing up to a website that asks for a fee, however -these sites can be scams.

5. Working the Nightclubs Working for a nightclub could be seen as a dream job. There are a variety of positions for the more social student; if you are the party planner of your halls of residence or social group and are happy to make money out of your friends, become a Club Rep. This is when you convince as many of your friends and fellow students to go to the club you are employed by, and you earn commission for everyone you get through the door.

If you haven’t got the face-to-face social skills, but do have a knack with computers, you can still be a text Guestlister or a Facebook Guestlister.

Then all you have to do is create a guest list for a nightclub via your mobile or Facebook and, yet again, get commission for everyone who turns up.

Event Staff are the people who run the guest list, hand out free stuff and act as VIP Hosts at the promotional events. These roles need outgoing people who can have fun and banter

“

If all else fails, and being an exploitative gold-digger is your idea of japes, you can always nab yourself a sugar daddy" Perks? Well, if you have an attractive enough profile you'll get to go on plenty of blind-dates in extremely plush hotels all-expenses paid, and the conditions of the site stipulate that you are not expected to sleep with your dates. With any luck, you'll get an Armani watch and a new pair of shoes thrown in.

The main drawback, of course, is that you can only hope the gentleman in question agrees with the no-obligatory-sex policy. Oh, and that he's a looker. Being rich doesn't necessarily guarantee rugged good looks. Your dream date may be very generous, but you'll have to endure a poorly groomed beard, bald-patch or middle-aged paunch. That goes for the women, too.

In short there are many ways to make money without putting too much effort into working. David Cameron said at the Conservative Party conference that we have to have a “������������������������������������ ������������������������������������� can-do attitude��������������������� ” to ������������������� get out of this economic situation.

The only suggestion being made here is: does it have to be an energetic “������������������ can-do attitude��� ” ?�

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

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14 12 Features

People who matter

Following the New Statesman's list, here's ������������������������ who made it onto� The Student's version El General (Hamada Ben Amor), is a Tunisian rap musician. Whether or not you are interested in or enjoy listening to rap music, it is hard to deny that El General sets a positive example for contemporary youth. It seems that recently it has become ‘trendy’ to protest – against anything. Indeed, young people have been criticised recently for frequently rioting with no clear purpose.

As The Offspring sing in one of their songs, “it’s cool to hate”. Ben Amor, on the contrary, showed that creativity and music can be much more powerful than destructive measures driven by violence and rage, when his song "Rais Lebled" became the anthem of the revolution in Tunisia. He gave his form of art a whole new purpose – that is, to unite and motivate people. He is inspirational not solely in a political context, but also for showing how a single person can make a difference.

Varvara Bashkirova

Ellen JohnsonSirleaf, Leymah Gbowee, and Tawakel Karman

The recent presentation of this year’s Nobel Peace Prize marked a rare event in the history of an award for which there have only been 15 female recipients since its launch in 1901 (for comparisons sake, it should be noted

that the prize has been awarded to 86 men and 20 organisations). The prize this year was jointly bestowed upon three women: Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, the current president of Liberia and only democratically elected female head of state in Africa; Leymah Gbowee, a peace activist and instrumental figure in the political stabilisation of Liberia, and election of Johnson-Sirleaf; and Tawakel Karman, the face of the Yemeni uprising, journalist, and human-rights activist. These three women embody a philosophy of equality and non-violence, a desire to bring about peace, and a determinedly revolutionary attitude towards equality, especially that of gender. They do not merely sit back and begrudgingly accept that which they know to be unjust, but are unafraid to take action against a world which constantly throws obstacles in their way. Because of their determination, courage, and unwillingness to submit to the status quo, there is no doubt that these women truly matter.

Nina Bicket

Stewart Lee Can a comedian be a truly important person? They don’t change the world, they don’t cure mass starvation, they just occasionally make people laugh.

Unconventionally, however, comedians do have a certain power and influence over how we perceive things. If this style of comedy has a ring leader it most

certainly has to be Stewart Lee. Lee breaks down any and every social boundary available to a comedian, and for this he should be acknowledged.

He doesn’t necessarily want to be liked; in fact he is actively repulsed by the mainstream and takes a certain pleasure in celebrating his loudest critics. So, for a man who deliberately attempts to alienate himself from his ‘showbiz’ surroundings how can he be hailed as important?

He challenges our preconceptions of normality and what we lazily accept as ‘OK’ . He speaks out about taboo subjects that most panel show pun subjects that most panel show pundits will shy away from. He explores everything from the ridiculousness of Christianity to the abomination that is Chris Moyles as there is nothing to high or low brow that cannot receive the wrath of Stewart Lee. But it’s not mindless hatred. It always has a point and it always has a truth. He has an odd and truly unique influence over his fans by making you so depressed about the state of modern society that you radically want to change it. He may never become Prime Minister with this method but he wouldn’t want that anyway.

Hannah Clapham-Clark

David Sedaris Picking an individual of importance from the world’s current literary canon is a ridiculous exercise. There are simply too many, so can anyone stand

out? Due to his modest demeanour, biting wit, bizarrely comical family observations and brief glimpses of sardonic behaviour, David Sedaris certainly does his best to make himself noticed.

From working as a Christmas Elf to cleaning houses for suspect characters, there is barely a spectrum of society that Sedaris has not experienced and beautifully ridiculed. He may not be as profound as Shakespeare or as iconic as Dickens but his style is unique, instantly recognisable and has struck a chord with his contemporary readership.

He is important because he relatable. There is no pretence to his writing, or to his persona. His readers are loyal because he is, whether it is sitting for hours until he has signed the very last book or replying to every letter he receives, there is an approachable charm that means he is an influence that sustains way beyond his books.

Hannah Clapham-Clark

Noam Chomsky Noam Chomsky is a rare example of an academic who has attained celebrity and influence not only in his field, but in a much more pervading sense, across all aspects of society. As well as pioneering linguistic breakthroughs, Chomsky has become one of the

west’s loudest and most active political voices. He has criticised American foreign policy, championed drug policy reform, and persistently questioned the legitimacy of certain kinds of authority.

A man of great influence, Chomsky’s work has greatly impacted many other fields. At 82 he shows no signs of slowing, and continues to be one of our most fervent and vehement campaigners for social and political change.

Nina Bicket

Our Flatmates Rather than one specific person, this entry is dedicated to a group of people who matter to all of us: our flatmates. Yes, they may be a source of great frustration sometimes, leaving the dirty dishes out overnight or pushing the capabilities of our sound system - and our ears! - to the limits. But on the other hand, what can be better than the smell of a home cooked dinner after a tiring day , and one cooked not by you, but for you! On a more serious note, sharing a flat with friends is an important and fulfilling experience for students; it teaches you how to adjust to others without giving up too much of your own habits and preferences – which sometimes proves to be surprisingly hard! It is one of those life skills that university gives you, along with all of the academic stuff. And, in the long run, it is just as important.

Varvara Bashkirova

Nasser Nouri, World Economic Forum, salimfahdley, Javier Moreno, Andrew Rusk, Steven depolo

Hamada Ben Amor

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�������� Tuesday October 18 2011 �������� ��� ���� studentnewspaper.org ��������������������

Lifestyle 15

lifestyle

Soy you want to be healthy?

S&M Students and Money PART TWO: DIRTY SEXY MONEY

Soy: healthy superfood or hormonal nightmare? Tyson Ruetz explains just how super it is gay?” Others have raised concerns about the potential of soy diets to induce breast cancer and sterility in women. Such fears arose from two flagship studies that began in the 1940s, providing compelling evidence to back the estrogenic effects of a soy-rich diet.

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An astounding study from Japan suggested that there are drastically less cases of breast cancer in Japanese women whose diets are rich in soy protein" The studies were based on sheep consuming extremely high soy diets, composed almost entirely of soy protein (from legume based diets), which lead to the female sheep becoming sterile. This may sound alarming, but the high content of soy phytoestrogens in these mammals simply had the same effect that purified estrogen, found in contraceptive pills, has on women, balancing the monthly cycle of estrogen, thereby preventing ovulation. These diets were composed of soy contents far beyond what a human could ever consume, meaning that these natural effects would not happen to women, and that we cannot deduce any harmful effects of the soy diet on men.

Scientific publications uncovering the positive effects of a moderate intake of soy are streaming in from an onslaught of research over the past decade. Soy proteins have proven important in both female and male cognition with many studies supporting a role in protecting the neurons of the brain, aiding in memory formation and protecting against degenerative disease. Other studies have shown a significant decrease in cholesterol in people who consume moderate levels of soy. An astounding study from Japan suggested that there are drastically less

cases of breast cancer in Japanese women whose diets are rich in soy protein. Estrogen levels are also linked to increasing a man’s libido which - although some may interpret as a negative outcome given the world’s over-population challenges - can obviously be a good thing for those involved.

Contrary to many urban myths, soybased diets do not produce over emotional men with man-boobs; instead, in moderation, they may increase cognition, heart-health, longevity – and other, sexier activities for all!

FAKING IT: It's all smiles, but is she really satisfied?

FISHY: It might look innocent, but can it really give you man boobs?

Perfume: The story of a student Senses feeling overpowered? Lia Sanders helps us on our search for the signature scent It is easy to dismiss perfume as an over-hyped commodity which exists to support failing couture houses and greedy celebs. However, scent is an extremely powerful and evocative tool in triggering a memory or giving an impression of a person, which leads to the quest for that signature scent.

When buying a fragrance it is crucial to make your choice based on how it actually smells. Glamorous brand names will do you little good when you smell like the rear end of a raccoon. Like with

MAKING SCENTS: Sometimes it's hard to find the perfect match

Kristina rennie

Spending lots of money on a product which is mainly water seems alien to both the student ethos and budget. Perfume, in popular parlance, is a term that can cover anything from an aftershave containing two per cent of aromatic extract to a parfum with twenty-five per cent of extract. Yet the price for your bottle of ethanol with a perfume drop is still very high; a seven and a half millilitre bottle of Chanel parfum, for example, will set you back £77.

music, poetry and men, it always takes me a while to fall in love with a scent.

You may consider yourself a ‘nose’ and can instantly decide whether or not a perfume is for you. However, a word of caution: fragrances are like people, revealing themselves as time goes on and reacting differently with different people.

“

Fragrances are like people, revealing themselves as time goes on and reacting differently with different people."

When a sales assistant bangs on about the top, heart and base notes, they mean the development of a perfume as it is worn. Initially the often citrusy or fruity top notes in a scent are the most noticeable, before giving priority to the floral heart and then the generally woody base notes. Basically, take the perfume on a few dates before you commit.

Samples are a great way of testing your compatibility with a fragrance before making that commitment. When I was a sales assistant I gave away samples with zeal, but a recce down town as a consumer proved it was harder than I thought to fill one’s pockets with per-

fume. Nevertheless I did get samples of the new Prada, Lancôme, Givenchy and Guerlain. If there are no samples, you can always grab a quick spray (or five) from the tester.

Of course, asking for samples will bring you into contact with the dreaded sales adviser. While they are mostly blagging, they may be able to recommend similar fragrances – if only because working nine till five in a fragrance hall gives you plenty of time to sniff bottles. Although consultants will only recommend their own brands, this can cover quite a few seemingly unrelated scents. For example, the behemoth that is Procter and Gamble (a company that controls among others Ariel, Duracell and Gillette) includes Hugo Boss, Christina Aguilera and Gucci.

However, there’s nothing quite like having a good root around in the hope of finding some forgotten but delightful bottle. I found Kenzo Amour that way, a perfume which includes ‘gentle rice’ as one of its heart notes and has comforting overtones of Calpol.

Once you’ve found your perfect fragrance, all that remains is to find the funds to make it your own. My economic suggestion is that you skimp on all other necessities of life in order to buy it. After all, now you have found your signature scent you no longer require pyjamas – you, like Marilyn Monroe, can just wear a few drops of it to bed.

YAHNYINLONDON

With the ever increasing numbers of vegetarians, lactose intolerant people, and the rise in Asian cuisine in the western world, we now have an astounding amount of soy in our diets.

Soy is a staple in many Asian dishes, as well as an important source of protein for vegetarians. Sources of soy are soy milk, soy sauce, tofu, miso, cooked soybeans, soups and health food supplements, and apart from being a rich source of essential amino acids, soy contains important biologically-active enzymes, which have received scientific praise for their high composition of antioxidants called isoflavones. Yet studies over the past century have had mixed opinions about the benefits or potential harms of a soy-rich diet, leaving many consumers bewildered.

The biggest health concern for soy protein is that it is composed of phytoestrogens, plant compounds which are capable of mimicking and altering estrogen-processes in the human body.

Despite estrogen being present in both sexes, the general population perceives estrogen as an exclusively female hormone. We ignore the fact that estrogen serves important functions during many vital bodily activities, from liver function, wound healing, and water retention to lung formation and regeneration.

Despite such a broad range of activities, there is an ongoing urban myth that any estrogen presence in men can have adverse affects. A quick Google search will find questions like “Will soy give me man-boobs?” or “Will soy make my son

With news that UK unemployment figures amongst under twenty-fives are at a record high of almost one million, it is no wonder we have lost our sense of ambition even though most career aims are probably more realistic than our childhood dreams of what we wanted to be when we grew up.

Walking around the careers fair last week, it was clear that graduate job-hunting for most people is no longer about finding a perfect first job, but instead about finding any first job. Staff enticed me with everything from promotional pens to private dinner invitations, and with a recent study by The Guardian UK 300 finding that on average students now make twenty seven applications before finding a position, surely recruiters are doing something right. Is this, however, just a sign that we have become increasingly desperate and less picky about where we end up?

Even if most of us are willing to stick out slavish fifty-hour week office jobs for a couple of years, we like to think that at least we will be properly compensated later. Statistically the graduate job market is now the most buoyant it has been in five years, but “competitive” salaries are certainly not on the increase. Earlier this year Graduate Prospects found that only half of all graduates polled were happy with the amount they were earning. The Guardian UK 300 survey, of 15,200 students, recently recorded the amounts that graduates expected to earn as their starting salary – media, property and retail could only hope to earn up to £16,000. Only one sector, investment banking, was likely to get you a starting salary above the median graduate wage of £25,000.

Is it simply the case that we are being undersold, or are we guilty of unrealistic earning expectations? The Times Top 100 Employers Guide has said that forty-one per cent of companies claimed to have “competitive” rates of pay, but to the financially naïve student, what “competitive” actually means is hard to figure out. We can all be guilty of applying for jobs we have no real interest in, because we think the paycheque will be enough to justify it. For those of you in the same position as me, drowning in applications and psychometric tests, I would say: make sure that money is not the only thing driving your interest in a particular career; companies will see straight through it and reject you almost instantly.

Graduate salary expectations aren’t what they used to be, so try instead to choose a career that gives you opportunities to progress, along with a challenging but enjoyable workload, and you might get to that ideal pay packet sooner than you think.

Alexandra Taylor

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oliver ninnis

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

2 b r nt 2 b, tht iz d q Melissa Amy Geere discovers the newest text application - Flexpansion

Thom Louis

can be taught your abbreviations, even for long phrases. Not only this, but the app can guess what your next word will be, based on statistical probability and personal usage. At its best, the app will allow you to type like lightning, using text abbreviations you’re used to, and standard English (and hopefully other languages soon) will be the output.

The implications for time efficiency are obvious, but imagine how it could help dyslexics, children and English learners.

As far as Flexpansion know, no one has tried this before – the hardware hasn’t been adequate to process the many combinatorial possibilities generated by each touch of the keypad.

The application has a simple interface, allowing you to quickly accept, reject or disable the predictor whilst typing each word.

“Smart-phones have done us a huge favour by making auto-correct systems suck,” confides Tim Willis, founder of the company. He has pioneered a much more intuitive approach. While researching for a PhD at the University of Edinburgh, Willis helped develop communication systems for people with motor disabilities, who need to

convey information efficiently in a comprehensible form. He spotted the potential to transfer this technology to the general public - realising that when it comes to communicating effectively, “everyone is restricted when using a mobile device”.

Acknowledging the support of the university and various sponsors, not to mention the thriving technology community in Edinburgh, Willis has been able to introduce something he is truly passionate about to the market.

He explains that he didn’t want to work anywhere boring after his PhD, so decided to work for himself. Unable to patent his application, with the technology already in use in motor disability devices, he understands he must keep innovating to stay one step ahead of the game.

The app is available for all android devices, though, due to software incompatibility, not currently for iPhones. Currently, the app is still free to download from their website.

They intend to begin charging for the technology soon, however, although late adopters will only have to pay around £2.

Critics may argue that with a device like this, the teenagers of today will never learn to spell, and thus won’t be able to express themselves properly. I would argue that this technology gives the potential for more people than ever before to communicate accessibly, regardless of background or education.

PHONE: How old school is this?

It's complicated

Nina Seale wonders whether Facebook stalking has gone too far

When did stalking lose its social stigma and become a household word associated with Facebook? Long gone are the days where stalking consisted of a dodgy hat, trench coat and a telescopic camera lens. A new form of privacy invasion has evolved from our rapidly improving technology – cyber-stalking.

Celebrities complain about paparazzi stealing their private lives to splash over tabloids. Kate Moss even got into a scuffle five years ago with a photographer she accused of being too intrusive. Yet now she tweets with the best of them, even uploading links to online articles about her wedding this year.

Somebody made it cool to have your life published online. Anyone you've ever been acquainted with can know where you’re studying, who you’re friends with, where you went on holiday and how attractive your boyfriend is. Of course, there are upsides to this information exchange – you can share all the photos from your fancy-dress pub crawl with everyone online, keep in contact with the crowd you met on your post-exams escape to Magaluf and show off to your school friends how great your freshers' week was.

But there is a flip side to the Facebook coin. We’ve all heard the horror stories of girls meeting the

FACEBOOK: If you stare at it long enough this logo begins to look very fake perfect partner online only to find out Mr Too-good-to-be-true was taking advantage of the information posted on their profiles. Even without extreme stories that lead to tragedies like that of Ashleigh Hall, Facebook stalking is dangerous.

Believe it or not, countless jobs have been lost as a direct consequence of employees’ rude comments or irresponsible behaviour reaching their bosses’ newsfeed. There are the media storms created by employees from companies like British Airways and Marks & Spencer describing customers as “smelly and annoying” and “cheap little b******s” online. A sure fire way to lose a job.

Some employers take the stalking to an impressively paranoid new level.

Last Monday a school teacher was fired for having photos of her holding

alcoholic drinks in an album of her holiday snaps. A carpentry advisor for the NYC school system lost his job for falsifying time records - proved by his employers tracking his whereabouts on his GPS phone.

We’re all guilty of it. You want to know if the annoying girl from your old school put on a bit of weight, check up on that unrequited love you lost last summer and sometimes just peruse your friend list to see who is having the best time at university.

There is even the secret habit you have of locating the cute boy you met at a club by scrolling through every soul on the internet with his name until you recognise his picture. Not that I’ve done that...

But do we want everyone on campus to see everything about our lives?

Even if you activate every security

AJC1

I have never been a big multiplayer fan. In fact, my collection consists almost entirely of single player games. This is not to say that I don’t enjoy the odd multiplayer experience.

But if I do play a multiplayer game then I want it to be entirely focused on the task. For example, I am a big Left 4 Dead and Super Smash Bros fan, but I have never liked the multiplayer of Assassin’s Creed or Bioshock 2. More and more developers can’t release any games without bolting on a multiplayer experience, even if it doesn’t fit.

Narrative focused single player titles such as Dead Space 2 or Force Unleashed have added superfluous multiplayer modes. These sections draw focus and don’t really belong in the game. Most often, these take the form of challenge or arena modes that only link in with the aesthetic rather than the game’s feel.

The theory here is simple: online multiplayer is based entirely on arena combat and is as popular as gaming gets. This pattern frustrates me.

Games should be able to hold themselves up on single player experience alone. A bolted on multiplayer mode should not be, and usually isn’t, enough to save a game with a lacklustre single player mode.

This is not to say that all multiplayer modes in single player orientated games are bad. One look at Portal 2’s co-operative mode can prove that. However, this multiplayer mostly worked because it had its own story while keeping a consistent aesthetic with the main game and adds a new dimension to the puzzles.

This is concurrent with many games that can be played in co-operative mode. Gone are the days when the co-op partner doesn’t have a character, such as in the original Halo. Now co-operative play can be interweaved perfectly with what is originally a single player experience, such as in the Gears of War series. But even these modes are being bulldozed in where they are not wanted. Last week, Bioware announced that they are adding co-operative play sections to the next instalment of the Mass Effect series. I wonder whether these bits are at all necessary in a game series, and company in fact, that has built itself up on creating some of the best single player games in the market.

It seems impossible to get away from multiplayer. It doesn’t matter what genre you look at, there is likely to be some sort of arena mode to supplement it, no matter the relevance. It doesn’t matter to me though; I think I’m going to leave the multiplayer to the crazy teabaggers and racist children.

Thanks to a new application based on research found at the University of Edinburgh, you may never have to puzzle over a text message again.

Txtspk started out as a necessary solution to the problem of the 160 character texting limit. It quickly spread to instant messaging because it’s so much faster than using our treacherous English spelling system. Nowadays, many use txtspk abbreviations for a wider range of uses: it’s simply more efficient.

However, txtspk won’t be taking over from standard spelling anytime soon, as everyone spells it differently - you can’t be sure your message will be understood by its recipient. Luckily, a start-up company in Edinburgh has found a way to give users the benefits of txtspk without the cost of intelligibility.

The company, Flexpansion, has created an application which expands txtspk into full English as you type.

Unlike existing auto-correct systems, you can type phonetically, or miss out all the vowels in a word, and it will figure out what you mean. It also learns your individual shorthand style, and

feature so the stereotypical stalker cannot access your page, your birthday, whereabouts and status updates are readily available to everyone you’ve ever met since your early teens. That’s enough for identity fraud right there, but what about losing the ability to get to know someone organically? You could be set up on a date and by the time you meet him know more about his life than his mother.

Instead of being the ultimate communicative system, is the internet draining true interaction – making a coffee catch-up session a vintage experience and leaving our lives wide open to everyone from the clingy guy from camp five years ago to curious grandparents? Perhaps, but it doesn’t mean people will stop updating their profiles anytime soon.

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper �������� Tuesday �������� October ��� 18 ����� 2011� tech@studentnewspaper.org ��������������������� studentnewspaper.org

Technology 17

Is Rage all the rage?

Tom Hasler checks out the the latest effort from the shooting game pioneers at Id Software

 Considering the fact that Id Software haven’t released a new game in many years, it’s easy to forget that they are the fathers of the first-person shooter. Their latest effort, Rage, takes the fast, action-packed shooting that they’re known for and attempts to build on this with a handful of distinctive game elements.

Rage takes the shooting experience Id pioneered, and infuses numerous new features to make the experience feel more cohesive. The traditional shooting sections of Rage form one part of a larger environment that attempts to capture the openness you might find in a game like Fallout 3 or Red Dead Redemption. Unfortunately, it becomes quickly apparent that this open world amounts to little more than a cobweb of desert canyons, where exploration is rarely encouraged, and is often not possible. What the world does provide is access to the game’s towns and an excuse to enjoy the game’s vehicles.

Rage has a clear emphasis on vehicles, with almost every quest requiring players to traverse the wasteland in a menacing off-roader.

These vehicles handle well, albeit in a somewhat fantastical way. Players gradually gain access to more powerful rigs as they progress through the game and can upgrade their vehicles though currency won in races. These races are entertaining in their own right; it’s not hard to spend hours winning trophies in the various events and to forget Rage is a shooter, rather than a racer.

Aside from the racing tracks, towns provide players with access to vendors for stocking up with supplies, as well as a handful of distractions and minigames, should the game’s plot become tiresome. Even for those who are trying to complete the game as quickly as possible, frequent trips to towns are still required to advance to the next mission and regather supplies. In some ways this can feel like a chore, but it also adds a little necessary context.

Unfortunately, context is Rage’s Achilles’ heal. The setting feels redundant and the central plot doesn’t even include a genuine story. Set one hundred years after an asteroid destroys civilisation, players emerge from stasis into – how’s this for originality - a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Players are then placed on a breadcrumb path that leads them to various denizens of the wasteland, who have tasks that need to be completed. There doesn’t seem to be a purpose for these activities, other than the avoidance of boredom, and there isn’t a central story to give these quests any meaning. The missions you receive follow a rudimentary formula and are just an excuse to get you back into the action. It’s not clear why new objectives aren’t given over the radio, as the process of receiving new quests is simply boring, and only serves to highlight some of the game’s repetitive design choices.

As a shooter, Rage lives up to its pedigree. The combat feels smooth, responsive, and satisfying. Players are occasionally presented with some interesting options when dispatching

“

The setting feels redundant and the central plot doesn't even contain a genuine story" Gadgets can be built from salvaged components or purchased from shops.

These include a boomerang that decapitates enemies, and an exploding remote control car. The gadgets are fun to use and add an additional layer of depth to engagements. Unfortunately, salvaged components can usually only be used to create one or two devices, and you’ll often only find them in specific places.

This means that the crafting process can feel a little contrived, rather than a legitimate avenue of player creativity.

Enemy behaviour is also brilliantly executed. Whilst the vast majority of the enemies you fight are variations of wasteland bandits, the behaviour of each faction is distinct. Some will charge at players with blades, evading gunfire with nimble, deceptive acrobatics; others will work as a team to outmanoeuvre you, and others still will try to simply overwhelm you. The way enemies apply tactics and adapt as the battle evolves means that Rage rarely gives you that gopher-shoot feeling that defines the action of many of today’s shooters.

Id software are well known for their technical prowess, with their previous title Doom III being used as a benchmark of realism for many years, despite being set on a demon-infested colony of Mars. Rage doesn’t quite live up to this legacy, although it is certainly good looking. Of particular note are the animations, which are incredible, even if occasionally characters wave their arms like toddlers on LSD. Unfortunately, the visual experience is undermined by its monotonous, clichéd environments, as well some glaring faults in the details of the scenery.

For those that tire of singleplayer, the game does offer a somewhat unique multiplayer suite. Rage shuns competitive shooting for demolition-derby style vehicle brawls and co-operative play. It certainly adds a lot of life to the game, and feels much more fresh for avoiding the arena-style shooting that dominates multiplayer space.

In many ways, Rage is an excellent game. Whether shooting or driving those who give it a try have a blast when not having to pay attention to the context of their enjoyment. But, it seems Id Software bit off more than they could chew. As a result, some elements of the game feel repetitive, if not downright boring.

POST APOCALYPTIC WASTELAND: Seems somewhat familiar?

Rage

Id Software PC, 360, PS3 £40

bandits, although the majority of the time the combat is very direct. Weapons feel satisfying, although the selection amounts to the usual suspects; almost every weapon is a variation on a pistol, machine gun, sniper rifle, or shotgun.

Although the weapons themselves may be considered mundane, players can invest in special ammunition that gives these otherwise ordinary weapons at most an exotic flare, or at least an additional degree of utility. The weapons aren’t the only element of Rage’s combat, however, and Id have delivered excellence in almost every aspect of it.

bethesda

Rage

Tuesday 18 October 2011 studentnewspaper.org

No one reads these bits anyway herring.studentnewspaper@gmail.com

18 Herring

Important white councillor extremely angry as KisKis mildest curry competition leaves Asian men completely fine

Aries

This week money is tight. You decide to do what you should have done years ago by by travelling to years from now in your time machine. Due to inflation your £24,000 debt is now a pittance – you sell your trousers to a museum for a small fortune and live out the rest of your life degreeless but content in a groovy spaceage onesie.

Taurus

You’re on rocky ground this week and things aren’t going great with Barry.

Gemini

This week, if re-elected, you promise to bring board games back to Teviot.

YES WE CAN!

Cancer

Can’t joke about that.

Leo

This week you take up gardening.

You dig up the root of all evil. You are applauded.

News in Numbers

Virgo

A relationship with someone in halls is going to change this week. Only Herpes is to say where it will lead…

Libra

This week Jupiter is in alignment with Mars. You shrug and continue to fill filo pastries with spinach.

Scorpio

This week you get chucked out of a library pod. Groups of three or more please.

Sagittarius

Your tits start to sag and it is hilarious.

Capricorn

Reconsider that decision you made last week. Barry isn’t worth it.

Aquarius

This week you join the Vegetarian Society. You never thought there would be that much to say about chickpeas… and you were right.

Pisces

An opportunity presents itself. Tell him to put it away.

88 10

“

"This time we went completely crazy and ditched the King Prawns from the King Prawn Biryani" he said.

"We actually also ditched the Biryani.

I really thought we’d have them on the floor. Boom."

Unfortunately everyone in the competition finished the curries and left feeling totally satisfied.

"Even the Asian guys who just can’t take it bland were smiling at the end", said white third year Architect and bland curry connoisseur, Jane Marsh.

"Mr KisKis even had the menus on hand just in case the guys wanted to

KISMOT: This was not the restaurant involved order anything spicier, but they didn’t need it."

The lack of a challenge has angered some of the previous year’s winners, one of whom is old, white and important.

"I’ve been on the council for 75 years now, and in all that time I’ve not once, twice or thrice heard of such an irresponsible restaurateur", comment-

pictureshunt

Slough, spiritual home of Orannoho, the second favourite son of Beth, the Sea Monster. Brian enjoys watching people watching television. For a personal reading, phone Brian on any number you like. He’ll know that you are trying to call.

I really thought we'd have them on the floor.

Boom."

ed James Saville, City of Edinburgh councillor. "The bland curry night is one curry-based event that the native Scots can win. The last thing anyone wants is to feel okay after a mild Biryani. It’s an absolute disgrace."

Mr KisKis promises to try harder next year.

Fresher has ten haircuts in single week to earn back Snapfax This week, one student on campus decided to have a haircut everyday, even twice on some days, to regain the cost of their snapfax. The student put the crazy turn of events down to pushy sellers in addition to most snapfax discounts being aimed at student haircuts.

When questioned about the financial soundness of their actions, the first year Economics undergraduate said, “I visited Cheynes between 6.45-7.15am every morning in accordance with snapfax eligibility regulations to cash in on my 4% discount: that’s economics in action!”

“In one week I sported the bowl, the Mohawk, the fauxhawk, a mullet, two reverse mullets, a gullet, a short top perm, an afro, and a squiffy Gerald, before settling on a skinhead.”

According to sources, one snapfax salesperson, operating in the Nicholson street vicinity, has gone to extreme lengths to ensure a sale. He was reported as saying, “Snapfax is the best thing

The percentage of Freshers a recent survey states laughed at something they didn’t find funny in Freshers Week purely because they desperately wanted to make friends.

Size 10 shoes are back in fashion this season!

since free higher education. If you don’t buy one, I will personally hound you all the way from South Bridge to Mayfield Gardens – that’s eight streets!” He also said, “I only know a few people who don’t have Snapfaxes… and they’re all dead.” Obviously, it is a student essential for a reason.

“

What students really want is lots of marginal discounts at overpriced hair salons."

The Student contacted Snapfax who confirmed the use of their new aggressive sales tactics but denied that they were unreasonable. When questioned about the shitness of the deals on offer, a spokesperson responded, “After extensive market research and focus group analysis we identified that what students really want is lots of marginal

112 1

MOBY: Doesn't need a haircut

blahblahblahscience.com

£380 per month pro rata w/ central Marchmont location Contact Grant Management Mystic Brian was born in

An Edinburgh councillor is calling for a popular city restaurateur to hang his head in shame, after KisKis’s mildest curry night proved disastrously uneventful.

The event has become a highlight of the city’s foodie calendar, as the hardest stomachs from across Scotland descend on Edinburgh to test their gastric might in the country’s biggest battle of bland.

Mr KisKis, the proud owner of the KisKis Curry Palace, thought this year would really leave the competitors feeling wholly unsatisfied.

discounts at overpriced hair salons.”

If you buy online you can now get a paradoxical discount on the purchase of your Snapfax discount card. Hurry while stocks remain equivalent.

The number of horses in Britain that are actually lost pantomime performers.

in every one Americans confuses David Cameron with David Cameroon, the infamous African Herbsman.

rEVIEW

COMMISSION #6: martyn mckenzie

Martyn McKenzie is a 4th year BA Drawing and Painting who thinks of art as a way of speaking: drawing or painting being a comment. McKenzie’s work is centered around moments, places and situations of everyday life that to most appear normal, but upon reflection are quite peculiar. He claims the world as his subject: the people, their actions and the grand, monumental structures they have infused upon the landscapes: “Our presence on this planet has become so apparent,” he says, “and it’s the evidence of our existence and the way we inhabit it that fascinates me.”

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper culture.thestudent@gmail.com

20 Culture

The art of conversation

Zoë Blah� dresses up in period costume with bustles, bows and bouffant hair for an evening at The Salon Project

Macmillan art show Dovecot Studios Run Ended

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ovecot’s grand hall is lined with over three hundred works, and the wide space tempts the eye not only across, but also down to the floor below. With a working tapestry studio just over the handrails, the usual whitewash hush of conventional galleries is chased away, and we’re left at ease to appreciate the work of over one hundred artists, from pen-andink to still-life to lively textile and oils. Each piece has been donated to the charity MacMillan Cancer Support for their ninth annual Edinburgh Art Sale, and proceeds will be split evenly between the organisation and the local artists themselves.

Since this is a sale and not an exhibition, we have a lot packed into a small space, providing a sharp test

stephen merchant hello ladies Edinburgh Playhouse Run ended

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ompared to his comedy other half Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant has generally kept himself away from the limelight, instead remaining in the background as a

"OF ALL THIS I COULD HAVE BEEN MISTRESS": The Salon Project at the Traverse Theatre

Tommy ga-ken wan

magination may be the key to enjoying a piece of theatre, but The Salon Project has proved that dressing up can be just as important. Inspired by a day spent as an extra on a period drama, director Stewart Laing decided to bring the art of dressing up to the audience, so that it wasn’t only the actors getting all the fun.

He has focused his attention on the Parisian salons of the nineteenth century, which aimed to increase the knowledge of their guests through conversation. This offers the perfect setting for an original piece of immersive theatre where the audience is completely involved in the entire night, contributing to the success or otherwise of the salon experience. The audience participates by dressing up in period costume and reacting to various talks and events that occur throughout the evening.

When I arrived at the Traverse I was interested to note that everyone seemed quite jittery and nervous to begin with, but as soon as the gowns and tuxedos were put on, they all relaxed and started having fun looking at everyone else's outfits.

Let’s be honest: having hair and makeup applied by professionals is just fantastic. Stage makeup, bright red lips and hair elaborately backcombed on top of my head were finished off with a tall, black feather rising triumphantly through all the hairspray. The costume itself was elegant and fun (although someone did ask if she recognised me from the burlesque scene, which perhaps gives a better indication as to what I actually looked like).

Once dressed and make-upped, we were led into the salon itself where

courtesy traverse

I

provoke thought and discussion, what really emerged from a night at The Salon Project was how different you can feel when wearing something unusual. Once the dress was on and the hair done up, people’s postures were noticeably improved and their actions far more elegant and refined. The men looked fantastic in their suits (and they knew it), and all of the women visibly enthused about their costumes, whether it was the size of the train or the cut of the cloth.

It was also interesting to note that the women wearing tiaras really did seem to own the room, knocking people out of the way with their fantastic bustles and swooshing around with their fans.

As a piece of immersive theatre, the night was a success. It certainly encouraged thought and conversation, ending with music that suggested the coming of war and revolution, and a video which showed an ominous display of teenagers holding swords having cut down people with various forms of technology.

Dressing up in period costume was, quite simply, fun. Admittedly most of the night was spent pretending to have intelligent thoughts but really just admiring how everyone else looked.

Unfortunately my feeling of dressenvy was amplified by those proudly showing off the biggest bustles, but the sheer delight of dressing in fantastic costumes and being part of a unique and innovative show more than made up for my comparatively small bustle and my shamefully small corset-tocrinoline ratio.

other guests were walking around, sipping champagne and being encouraged to mingle and chat. The entire purpose of the project was to behave as though we were in a nineteenth-century salon, where the art of conversation was honed to perfection.

Perhaps the most memorable point of the night was when we were all asked

to close our eyes. Once we opened them again a minute later, the room was scattered with naked men and women in various poses. They were all lying on the floor or standing like statues carrying iPods, which encouraged us to consider the “contrast between the golden era of salon society and our own era of economic excess.”

After the initial shock (a few guests seemed visibly taken aback at the unexpected nudity), some people started acting in a very nonchalant way, swishing around the room in their long dresses, avoiding the rest of us who were deliberately avoiding eye contact with anyone – fully clothed or otherwise.

Whilst the evening was meant to

for the curators, who have pulled off the execution of the exhibition wonderfully. Whether placing oils of Princes Street as a Winter Wonderland (Kate Green) next to pastels of sunny Venice, or particularly hopeful, bright depictions of the Cathedral and Harbour, St Andrews, (Alistair Kelly) alongside more realisitc, rainsoaked paintings with names like Blue Umbrella and Warm Taxi Home (Kirsten Scheuerl), the show brings us through a wide range of paintings, weavings and jewellery collections by stunning artists.

The charity’s prestige has also tempted a few well-known artists out of the woodwork. Elizabeth Blackadder, currently occupying the National Gallery, has donated not one but two highly prized pieces, of which every penny of the proceeds will go to MacMillan.

Art-lovers should see this as a kind of taster session, since each artist is represented by only two or three works apiece. Devoid of any

grand statement-making pieces, the sale is full of the kinds of artworks that wouldn’t go amiss on your living room wall, and such is the range and reach of the curators that there should be something here for everyone – but only a very little.

Jenni Ajderian

The set was stark and the lighting sharp. This complimented the oppression the show built up. The simple story focused on a Glasgow couple - Tommy and Brenda - suffering difficulties due to unemployment and the credit crunch. The tensions between the couple are brought to a head by a surprise visit from Tommy’s estranged, ex-convict brother Dean.

All three characters were portrayed effectively. Tommy and Brenda’s relationship was convincing, witty and at times heartbreaking. Dean, on the other hand, came across as likeable with a dangerous tinge, hinting at his criminal past. Stewart Porter, who played Tommy, was particularly worthy of praise; his presentation of a proud man crippled by unemployment was both honest and touching. The actors were aided by simple and effective direction. The antagonism between the brothers, due to its static nature, could have lost the audience but instead it was incredibly gripping.

Even better was the quality of the

writing. The script, although at times heavy handed, managed to be intelligent, compelling and humorous.

Brenda’s monologues were especially beautiful, seamlessly moving from crushing tragedy to light-hearted comedy.

Despite all of these positives, Dig had issues. The recent economic debacle has received too much coverage from all sides and, with the addition of the estranged brother, the play came across as clichéd. This was made even worse when, at the peak of the show’s tension, a flurry of unpaid bills fell from the rafters.

Dig was both powerful and interesting. The script builds to a tender and emotional conclusion, portrayed brilliantly by a talented trio of actors.

Overall, Dig was a fantastic experience and it would have been excellent even if I hadn’t had a hot pie and a glass of red wine to keep me company.

Thom Louis

secure you a lifetime partner. From the troubles encountered when you are 6ft 7in and the average female is 5ft 4in, to tales of how his stingy disposition has left many a girl unimpressed, Merchant entertains through the comparisons that can be made between him and the average normal person.

For a first show, Hello Ladies is highly impressive and demonstrates that Merchant has a clear understanding of the structural form of stand up. With an excellent balance

of material, he does well to keep the audience entertained for just about the whole duration of his set. Inevitably, a number of gags fall flat, but this is a minor factor in what is otherwise a terrific performance.

It is clear that the loveable Bristolian has made his mark in the stand up world, proving that he easily has what it takes to be among the best.

We can only hope that this show isn’t his last.

subsidiary to one of Britain’s highest attention seeking comics. Hello Ladies marks his debut performance in the world of stand up and illustrates a carefully calculated move that has clearly been in contention for some time. Finally venturing out of the wake of Gervais, Merchant opens his set with the amicably honest words: “finally I don’t have to share the money with ‘you-know-who’.”

Right from the get go Merchant makes it evident that he is just as comfortable on the stage as he is

dig - a play, a pie and a pint Traverse Theatre Run Ended

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ounded in Glasgow in 2004, A Play, a Pie and a Pint is nothing short of a Scottish theatre institution.

For a mere ten pounds at lunchtime, a ticket offers exactly what it advertises: a drink, a pie and a piece of new writing.

This week’s offering was Dig - a tense and involving production by award winning playwright Katie Douglas. behind a camera or radio mic. His presence hints at an air of arrogance not too dissimilar to Gervais but one which suits him far better. As he casually plays with the idea that everyone knows who he is and of the numerous awards he has won, his inherent geeky nature and lack of concern for self-deprecation allows the audience to immediately warm to him.

As the set revolves around a general theme of his inability to find a wife, it becomes clear that being famous doesn’t automatically

Ali Quaile

Theatre buff? Review it! Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper culture.thestudent@gmail.com

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

Culture 21 21 Star Rating Chicken and asparagus pie Steak and ale pie Scotch pie Mud pie Gone-off fish pie

Just a little crush

ROYGBIV This week's cultural spectrum.

The cast and crew of EUTC's Twelfth Night meet with Zoë Blah as they prepare for curtain-up

O

claire banks, james mcnaught rsw rgi Open Eye Gallery Until 17th October

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et away behind Queen Street Gardens, the intimate front-room ambience of the Open Eye Gallery provides an ideal setting for both the small gouache and watercolour paintings of James McNaught RSW RGI and Claire Banks' even smaller pastel, charcoal and pencil drawings.

James McNaught presents us with finely-painted and fastidiously detailed

It’s also easy to see how this production could be stepping on a few toes.

Staging a Shakespeare production could clash with the theatre offered by the Edinburgh University Shakespeare Company, but I’m assured that “they’re

super awesome” about it and, as Lillis Meeh points out, “it would be absurd of them to be like no, you’re not doing Shakespeare, it’s ours”.

This relaxation of the sharp distinctions between all of the University’s

theatre societies is a welcome development for those who want to participate in more than one type of drama. Paul describes how “before, the student theatres were a bit more distant and didn’t mix but now it’s more unusual for anyone to just be involved in one." Faith agrees, saying that “it’s really good at the moment that you don’t have to identify yourself with one clique, you do have all these opportunities”.

However, not everyone is so thrilled about the recent crossover between the societies. This is because it becomes increasingly difficult to distinguish a society as providing a specific type of theatre if other theatre companies are performing similar shows. Yet there is a sense of genuine relief that actors can join as many theatre companies as they like, and not feel restricted to one genre.

Leaving the politics aside, it is quite exciting to think that this production could end up onstage in Stratfordupon-Avon in the World Shakespeare Festival 2012. As part of the RSC’s Open Stages, “the best of amateur theatre” will have the opportunity to perform alongside the professionals. With elaborate costumes, a giant turntable of a stage and a human interpretation of the text, it will be interesting to see how far they go.

Twelfth Night will be running at Bedlam Theatre 25-29 October

street scenes and still lifes in a chilled, murky palette of greys, blues, and greens.

Evocative titles of street-scenes often allude to cities and, in Memory of a City, the Eiffel Tower in the backdrop indicates Paris as a setting. Where you might expect the hustle and bustle of quotidian urban life, however, you instead encounter a single figure donning a winter coat and hat, alone amongst streets of eerily vacuous pavements and closed shutters – even the branches of the trees are left unpopulated.

Steam trains and trams crop up repetitively, their mechanical anonymity failing to take away from the discomfort of the scene: it is as though we are

gaining insight into a parallel universe, or a stranger’s lonely and apocalyptic dreamscape. The still lifes maintain this discomfort with their slightest details, from used matches scattered in disarray to the potent red of a blood-like droplet forming from the watermelon in She Keeps Her Secret.

In the next room Claire Banks continues the minimalist and the monochromatic with her set of black and white drawings which repeat the same room, a simple interior drawn up out of five straight lines, altered from one image to the next with changing objects or adornments which serve to confuse our perceptions.

The drawing entitled Water, for example, transforms the interior into a waterproof container, whilst the River flows across the walls and floor in a straight line, questioning the three-dimensionality of the picture plane. In Wallpaper, the delicate and symmetrical birds do indeed form a very pretty wallpaper pattern, but the birds do not actually appear confined to the wall at all; rather, their light shadows suggest that they are gliding through the fictional walls of the fictional interior in perfect flock formation. Perplexing work that caters for enthusiasts of all things intricate.

Delphine Tomes

TWELFTH NIGHT : "Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage"

bedlam theatre

ne of the biggest hurdles to any performance of Shakespeare is that whatever way you choose to approach it, it has probably been done before.

Tackling this, the Royal Shakespeare Company is taking amateur theatre seriously, with over 260 amateur companies and 6400 participants taking part in their Open Stages project.

They are supporting societies all over the UK as they produce various versions of Shakespeare’s plays. In this spirit, EUTC have decided to stage a version of Twelfth Night that focuses not on the traditional comedy of the script, but on the heartbreak of the story instead.

Essentially, “it’s an emo show in the way that emo is good”, explains producer Rosie Curtis. The play starts with twins Viola and Sebastian who are ripped apart at birth, “and in our play, we make them feel that a bit more” says director Paul Hughes. “It’s about taking things to heart that bit more and making things that bit more vicious”.

With a number of references to those painful experiences of liking someone who doesn’t feel the same way, it is clear why the company have chosen this play to present to a student audience. Faith Jones adds that this is especially the case when, “as an audience, you know that they all can’t get what they want as they all totally clash with each other, but that just makes it real”.

THE ART DOCTOR with Anna Feintuck This week: Relationship meltdown? Matisse is the answer.

I have just broken up with my longterm boyfriend and am ever so blue.

People keep telling me that time will heal everything, but it has been a week and all I can do is think about what I’m missing. Please give me some art to cure my broken heart (that rhymes!)

I don't want to wait around, I want to feel better now! Patience is overrated.

What can I do?

I

f only this could be cured in a flash as you wish. I have a few arty suggestions that might help you out, but first and foremost I wholeheartedly suggest that you consider the timescale of heartbreak more realistically. To be blunt, you are not supposed to be OK straight away. These things do hurt,

and often the best thing you can do in the short-term is say to yourself “Yes, I know, it does hurt” (I think I'm paraphrasing Lyra from Northern Lights here) and do what you can to be as well as possible while acknowledging the pain, rather than trying to ignore it or bury it under a series of one-night stands. A fling with a hot boy who is at least slightly devoted to you will work much better for many, many reasons.

Anyway, enough advice from personal experience... Here's some art that might help more than my slutty words can. First – you feel blue. As I said, maybe it's better to acknowledge the pain. That means embracing your blue-ness (for want of a better word) – though be careful not to wallow. I am going to refer you to Matisse's Blue Nude series. The colour, on a very obvious level, will show you that blue

is nothing to be afraid of – in fact, it can be used to create works of simplistic beauty. And, really, simplicity is something wonderful to strive for. For the first time in a while, you have the luxury of living life exactly as you want to. Let the figures' languid, abstract beauty inspire you.

Need more? I have always found any work by Turner incredibly comforting: there's something about his dizzying swirls of colour that makes me feel simultaneously grounded and content to be in the same space as such a beautiful work. Who needs boys anyway?

Got a problem? We can cure you! All problems will be treated confidentially. And ever so seriously. Email us at artdoctor.thestudent@gmail.com.

rieze art fair has opened in London this month, featuring over 170 galleries from around the world, exhibiting work from what they term the world’s “leading” artists. Such a big event is a melting pot of contemporary artistic talent, and one of the best places for art buyers to browse for their private collections.

The Guardian, on their website, offer the opportunity to try your hand at bidding on artworks most people couldn’t afford, testing your knowledge of the price ranges of the exhibited artworks. Can you tell the difference between a new artist, charging a mere £5,000 for their work, from a masterpiece worth over £500,000?

As fun as it can be to judge art as though money is bursting from your wallet, when you think to yourself “No, I don’t like that, I’d only pay a few thousand for it” you know there’s something about that art world that needs to be examined. The art on show at Frieze, while it can be viewed by anyone who can make it to London, is displayed for appreciation as well as class categorisation.

Yes, artists work hard, and it’s hard to make it as an artist, so they deserve to be rewarded economically for their efforts. But when you look at Dominique Gonzalez-Foerster’s After, a red neon sign spelling the word “after” (unsurprisingly), you realise that it is more concept than artwork that you’re forking out up to £50,000 for. For those just visiting the art fair, the message is loud and clear: you can’t afford this, you may only look and not touch.

The art dealers are certainly to blame, but those willing to pay these unbelievable amounts are at fault as well. If you have the money, and really want to own a work, you’ll outbid until the prices no longer make sense.

Art at these prices looks suspiciously like proof of culture: I’m willing to pay top-dollar because I really, really appreciate art.

It can be infuriating seeing the prices of artwork these days. It serves as proof that while the divide between rich and poor is becoming more prominent, those in the art community are sticking to the same old class assumptions that those with less money are necessarily less cultured.

If you're as angry as I am about all this, take solace in the fact that at least we live in a city where we can get into the National Gallery for free, and soothe out our anger in a quiet, peaceful environment.

Michael Mackenzie

Look oot for...

James Corden in One Man, Two Guv'nors at the King's Theatre from 25 to 29 October – book it soon, tickets are sure to go quickly!

The Book Club's review of Peace, Love and Petrolbombs by D. D. Johnston. maisie shearring

Dear Art Doctor,

F

Money, money, money

Also, check out a collection of Stephen Sutcliffe's photography at Stills Gallery.

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

Love film? Let us know! Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper film.studentnewspaper@gmail.com

22 Film

The mental health issue

ental health is not something M foreign to film, but has been explored by countless directors and

screenwriters since the inception of cinema. From memory loss to dementia, it makes up a large percentage of what we view on screen. Now in its fifth year, the Scottish Mental Health Arts and Film Festival encourages people to actively engage in discussing and thinking about mental health issues.

Through its varied programme, comprising film, theatre, music,

The Three Musketeers

Directed by paul w.s. anderson  he Three Musketeers is the most T recent adaptation of the French novel Les Trois Mousquetaires by Alex-

andre Dumas, which charts the adventure of d’Artagnan as he travels to Paris to join the once revered Musketeers of the Guard. The trio: Athos, Porthos and Aramis, stay true to their infamous motto, “all for one, one for all,” as they attempt to locate the Queen of France’s necklace that she secretly gave to the Duke of Buckingham (her covert lover). The Cardinal, angered by the Queen’s infidelity, advises the King of France to hold a ball for which the Queen must necessarily wear her prized necklace. This necessitates swift-

Dolphin Tale Directed by charles martin smith  a particularly schmaltzy moment Ivetnnear the end of Dolphin Tale, super Dr Clay (Harry Connick Jr.)

smiles a cheesy grin and whispers to principal characters Sawyer and Hazel, “You didn’t quit on Winter and therefore you didn’t quit on yourselves.” This is just one of many moments in Dolphin Tale that is reaching for heart-warming and inspirational, but which falls staggeringly short. It is also the moment when the audience are likely to realise that not only have they “quit” caring

literature, comedy and visual art, it aims to create an accessible setting in which participants can comfortably explore very real problems.

Originating simply as a weekend of films which dealt interestingly or appropriately with mental health issues, it set out to illustrate that many of today’s productions approach the idea of mental health from a bad perspective. Slasher movies like Halloween, or thrillers that use some kind of mental issue as a shorthand for megalomania, are a far cry from the

reality of coping with mental health issues. The SMHAFF attempts to de-stigmatise mental health in such a way, as people often associate it with illness.

According to Eddie Harrison - the director behind the film part of the festival - “It started off as a perceived need or opportunity for something which dealt specifically with mental health issues. It was an original idea and not an imitation of something which was being done in another country.”

ness in the Musketeers’ journey, as they hurry to return the Queen’s necklace in time for the ball.

Anderson’s adaptation of The Three Musketeers succeeds at projecting highly mesmerizing cinematography that adequately recreates the grand infrastructure of the 17th Century palaces of England and France. Such architecture is aesthetically stunning.

Additionally, it is true to say that Matthew Macfadyen is on top-form as a hardened yet lovable Athos. Furthermore, Milla Jovovich does a brilliant job as the promiscuous yet treacherous Milady. In a delightfully flirtatious manner, she betrays Athos (her ex-husband of the novel) and holds both the Cardinal and the Duke of Buckingham in a tight coil.

However, The Three Musketeers is not superlative. The acting of baby-faced (yet no doubt adorable for a teenage girl audience) Logan Lerman, as the

film’s protagonist d’Artagnan, is pretty forgettable and uninspiring. Sadly you can sense that he has prepared arduously for this film. Unfortunately, his all-too American mannerisms appear somewhat awkward in the film’s distinctively European environments of seventeenth-century France and England.

All in all, The Three Musketeers is an enjoyably visual experience. As previously highlighted, the sets themselves are cleverly crafted, capturing the pure brilliance of seventeenth-century monarchical architecture. Additionally, the battle scenes of the Musketeers prove consistently enthralling, just as Jovovich’s acting is affectively seductive.

Unfortunately, Lerman’s performance is less than captivating, but there remain enough positive elements in The Three Musketeers to warrant its viewing.

about Winter the dolphin, but they have also given up on the whole film itself.

Dolphin Tale tells the true life story of Winter, a dolphin who loses her tail after being wounded by a fishing net.

Troubled kid Sawyer develops a special bond with Winter and devotes himself to nursing her back to health in the local cash-strapped marine hospital.

In a desperate attempt to save her, he enlists wacky Dr McCarthy (Morgan Freeman), a prosthetics expert who is hoping to help Winter by creating the very first prosthetic dolphin tail.

Films based on so-called inspirational real life events always run the risk of being cheesy and over sentimental and Dolphin Tale falls right into this trap. The script is dreadful and full of clichéd lines about the power of love

that are intended to warm our hearts, but really just turn our stomachs. In addition to this, almost every performance in the film is a master class in melodramatic acting. The exception to this is Morgan Freeman, who in his relatively small role manages to be a warm and witty presence in an otherwise nauseating cast.

Perhaps Dolphin Tale would have worked as a TV movie or a documentary, but it certainly struggles as a feature film. Clocking in at just under two hours, the movie feels very slow and laborious by the end of it. Even the biggest fan of dolphins will probably be left feeling that they don’t want to see another dolphin again for a very long time.

Joe Smith

Sally Pugh

As he rightly points out, “Everyone has mental health, it is not just something that happens to a very small group of people necessarily.

Everybody has issues one way or the other.”

On the face of it, one could argue that every film is about mental health.

Harrison seems keen to emphasise this as he challenges, “Show me a film where the main character doesn’t go through some kind of mental stress.”

It is when film is approached in this light that you can begin to realise that every plot can be seen to address some kind of mental health issue, although naturally, some do it better than others.

With over 250 events across Scotland covering a variety of different art forms, Harrison is right when he notes, “I don’t think it would have expanded like this unless it fulfilled a public need or was something that needed to be responded to by people.”

He also stresses that there is no hierarchy of one event over another. They all share an equality, whether it be a small key performance in a hospital or a gig put on by a well known artist.

Harrison has curated the program along with Dr Peter Byrne, who is a psychiatrist and senior lecturer at University College London. Byrne is an expert on mental health in the movies and so by working with Harrison - whose experience lies in film criticism and making - the pair have managed to compile a varied selection of films.

texas killing fields Directed by ami canaan mann 

O

nce in… there’s no way out.”

That is the tagline for this crime drama, and it seems fitting as the only way an audience member will be able escape the 105 minute journey to nowhere that is Texas Killing Fields, short of walking out the door and wasting £6, is by waiting til the credits roll.

Ami Mann (daughter of the famous American filmmaker Michael Mann) is relatively new to the director’s chair and it is certainly obvious in this film.

She seems to have tried too hard to make her film multi-dimensional and as a result, ends up failing to fully explore any of the dimensions that she chooses to incorporate. Mann does a decent job of establishing atmosphere in several scenes and there are hints of character development along the way, at least as far as the main characters, but the problem is that the film never really seems to run far enough with anything.

The fascinating thing about the SMHAFF is that people come along to the screenings not with an interest to talk to the filmmakers - they are not there - but to talk about the issues which the films explore. As Harrison says, “If you put on a film that gets an emotional response from an audience, it helps to open them up and attracts people who maybe want to talk about the issues behind it.”

Ever expanding, the festival has had something of an international effect, with other countries imitating or taking example from it. Its awards have gained critical acclaim, garnering attendees who come from far and wide. The reason for its success seems obvious, as Harrison concludes: “Film is a fantastically accessible thing and can open up subjects which people wouldn’t take if it was handed to them in a didactic way. Mental issues are a growing thing; there are a lot more people on anti-depressants.

There is a general concern about how people can deal with their mental health. The key thing in the festival is that it raises people’s awareness of it. By doing something like this and getting it out there and having people publicly talking about mental health, I think it removes the stigma and challenges people’s perception of mental health.”

The Scottish Mental Health Arts and Film Festival is showcasing events across Scotland until October 24th.

Perhaps the biggest problem with Texas Killing Fields is that, as a crime thriller, the expectation is for some sort of a mystery that the detectives, played

by Sam Worthington and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, are meant to solve. However, the so-called detectives perform very little actual detective work and after the first twenty minutes or so, it is made so obvious to the audience who the film’s ‘baddies’ are that you almost expect there to be some sort of twist at the end, which never comes. As a result, the suspense and tension that is crucial to the success of any crime thriller is, for the most part, lacking. In fact, most of the killers end up bringing themselves to justice without our heroes having to even fire a shot.

Texas Killing Fields is allegedly based on a true story. If this is the case, then perhaps the lack of a strong cohesive storyline can be attributed to Mann attempting to be true to real life events. However, after watching the film, one might then wonder whether the story was really worth making a movie out of in the first place.

UNIMPRESSED: Sam didn't take kindly to name calling

Paul Young

cinemagia.ro

EDDIE HARRISON:“I don't think it would have expanded like this unless it fulfilled a public need”

list

Ali Quaile looks at the informative Scottish festival that attempts to abolish an outdated stigma

Love film? Let us know! Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper Tuesday October 18 2011 film.studentnewspaper@gmail.com ��������������������� studentnewspaper.org

Hackneyed Hollywood

ith remakes of movies such as W Footloose and The Lion King in 3D coming to our cinemas, Hol-

lywood isn’t currently screaming creativity or originality. But is this unoriginality anything new? With ����� differing views on the matter, Claudia and Roisin seek to establish whether it is a matter of using (and re-using, again and again) clichés, or the more specific re-use of previous material.

CLAUDIA: Even if they’re not prequels, sequels or remakes, most movies are genre films that give us exactly what we expect from their genre. Or, directors might have such a distinctive style that their movies end up blurring into one another – see Quentin Tarantino or Woody Allen’s New York-based neurotic comedies.

Hollywood is synonymous with show business – ‘business’ being the

Real Steel Directed by shawn levy 

A

few elements of Real Steel seem to be decidedly upsetting. Firstly, that Hugh Jackman agreed to take the lead role in this sentimental sci-fi mash up. Secondly, that the film received, judging by the CGI and elaborate production, an extremely healthy amount of funding. Most discouragingly, that the only original material Hollywood can produce is a film about robot boxers. Set in the near future, the film sees Charlie ( Jackman), a former boxer turned robot trainer, trying to make ends meet after being lumbered with his Justin Beiber look-a-like son (Dakota Goyo) from a previous relationship following his mother’s death – a subject the film spends all of two lines on and that neither Jackman nor his son seems particularly choked up about, but that’s unimportant. All that matters is the against-all-odds team up of a reluctant father and a mature-beyond-his-years son to fight boxing robots.

After finding a retired robot in a scrapyard, Jackman, with his son in tow, attempts to navigate his way through the robot boxing circuit with an economic incentive that also seems to be the primary intention of the film.

washingtonexaminer/moviesign

key word. It is oriented toward profit rather than toward artistic expression.

It seems there are some safe buttons to push to create a moving, funny, scary or tense story that is highly likely - if not highly sure - to do well at the box office. As Sam sings in Casablanca, “it’s still the same old story: a fight for love and glory,” which is pretty much what 90 per cent of plots revolve around.

Let’s take Casablanca itself as an example: what’s not clichéd and archetypical in that film? There’s a thwarted relationship, an impossible and unsatisfied romance, the war, a fight between goodies and baddies, a brooding, self-destructive male protagonist, a hero, and a languid, beautiful female lead. Umberto Eco said of Casablanca, which he considered a mediocre movie, “Two clich������������������������ é����������������������� s make us laugh. A hundred clich��������������������������� é�������������������������� s move us,” and Hollywood producers seem to know this rule only

too well. Clichés are not necessarily bad, though: they are what we’re familiar with, what we look for in books and films.

So what’s happening in Hollywood now? Why does it seem that nothing novel is being released? The present lack of originality is nothing new: with every summer release critics rave about the scarce quality and variety of movies.

Hopefully it is only a matter of waiting for the new batch of ‘original’ movies to come out, still vaguely similar to something seen before but innovatively packaged, which will charm us and will restore our faith in the originality of Hollywood.

Throughout their journey, the audience learns that they both have something to teach each other, as an obstinate Charlie bonds with his determined son. Disappointingly, most of these moments are spent counting down to the main event: huge lumps of futuristic metal tearing each other to shreds.

Charlie poignantly says to his son, “people want to see something they’ve never seen.” Certainly this film is a novelty, as most audiences have probably never encountered eight-foot killing machines trying to beat each other to death. Originality is not everything, however – as this film is testament to.

Despite the unconvincing plot, the graphics, robot models and boxing choreography are actually enjoyable surface level entertainment. Nevertheless, this is essentially an unashamed, bot-bashing, blockbuster of a film littered with conspicuous product placement. Favouring jabs and upper cuts over emotional depth, the film fails to knock the audience out. Real Steel really steals over two hours of your life.

footloose

Dan Scott Lintott

All films were reviewed at Cineworld

ROISIN: As our generation will know more than any other, we have just come to the end of one of the biggest movie franchises ever: Harry Potter. We are

Directed by Craig Brewer  f you take nothing else away from Imake this review, remember that the reof Footloose is a little film that

just so happened to get a wide release instead of going straight to DVD. Like a country cover of a classic rock and roll song, it’s hard to decide who ever wanted this film to exist in the first place. But, like that catchy little nightmare, Footloose is fun and easy, and it is probably not worth the effort of changing the station.

“

With enough nods to the original to be respectful and minimal effort to highlight Ren's Boston accent, this movie is grass-fed beef – with a little bit of possum."

A ban on dancing and loud, impure music leaves big-city Ren (Kenny Wormald) at odds with small-town authority after he moves in with his aunt and uncle. Well, gosh darn it,

currently, and regrettably, still in the middle of the Twilight franchise, and The Hobbit, a prequel to The Lord of The Rings, is under production at the moment. All of these, however, are based on novels, and are thus not ‘original’.

Different forms of story telling provide a way in for some films, as shown by the recent surge of comic book heroes in film. Others rely on more obscure sources; Pirates of the Caribbean is inspired by a rollercoaster, Transformers by toys.

Films thus do not just use generic clichés that span across all forms, as Claudia argues, but also rely on existing material from other forms. This is often just a ruse to exploit a fad or ready-made obsession in the market.

Yet there are always brilliant adaptations. The Lord of The Rings was likewise a "ready made obsession", and could easily have fallen victim to disappointed expectations – so why didn’t it?

The Lord of The Rings is one of the few films in Hollywood to pursue sincerity. These films aim to manipulate their new form towards meaning, rather than merely exploiting something loved by putting it into film. And so, while not original in message or story, a different and sincere point of view gave us one of the most treasured trilogies of the decade.

Whether it is by recycling old clichés, or re-using the same materials, what seems to make a good film is its ability to view things differently; to bring to light different perspectives and meaning. It is arguable that lower budget films, because they are not as obsessed by profit, can often make better films in this respect.

But, as long as for every No Strings Attached there is a 500 Days of Summer, we will continue to look forward to new releases,whether they are ‘original’ or not. this town needs an end of year dance, and Ren’s going to help the seniors of Bomont High School get it! Where to begin? At least the modern take on Footloose is certainly more ethnically diverse. Jokes aside, the chemistry between most of the characters is simply fun to be a part of. Corny jokes, cute let’s-learn-to-dance scenes and school bus derby all mix together to make what is best described as a junk food movie, but you’ll come out smiling. This is true despite the fact that the film manages to create probably the least likeable female protagonist in film to date, preacher’s daughter Arial ( Julianne Hough).

There are also some scenes that have been in every other dance movie of the last half decade, but what do you expect when the male lead was a backup dancer in half of those flicks?

Footloose is one of those movies that may end up a guilty pleasure film of a modern generation of Gleeks or the film that people buy each other for Christmas as a gag gift, but it’s also one of those movies that will likely end up on premium TV three times a day and you’ll be pretty tempted to just leave it on in the background.

With enough nods to the original to be respectful and minimal effort to highlight Ren’s Boston accent, this movie is grass-fed beef – with a little bit of possum.

Film 23

Classic Cult

Claudia Marinaro and Roisin O'Brien disagree about unoriginality in the movie capital

MISMATCHED COPS: He was just one day away from retirement...

Zack O'Leary

Even if you’ve never consciously watched a French New Wave film, many of the movement’s aspects may already be familiar. Basically, when you think of a French film all gamine girls, philosophical little boys, roll-ups, shopper bicycles et al - you’re picturing one of any number of New Wave films. Light on plot but heavy on emotional substance (and, yes, style), this movement has enduring appeal.

Francois Truffaut’s 1959 Les Quatre Cents Coups (400 Blows) is perhaps the most iconic of all New Wave films.

Essentially autobiographical, it tells the story of troubled youth Antoine Doinel and his struggles at home and school. Antoine, played by JeanPierre Leaud with such natural ease it almost seems lazy, is immensely likeable – perhaps inevitably so, given that he represents the fourteen-year old Truffaut. Particularly adorable moments: smoking and reading Balzac with his trousers rolled up, making for a scene which is almost laughably aesthetically pleasing, and arguing with his best friend Rene (Patrick Auffay) about who should carry the typewriter they stole.

Practically everything about this film is perfect. It is, from the PE teacher’s whistle blowing in time with Jean Constantin’s soundtrack to the rows of beautifully-coiffed little girls in princess coats at a puppet show, utterly charming.

Since we’re doing the semi-autobiographical thing, the Truffaut film to point you to next is Jules et Jim. The film is based on Henri-Pierre Roché’s novel of the same name, and is a romp through a life-long friendship between the two characters of the title. The action, in as much as there is any – it is not a major concern of New Wave, centres around a beautiful woman (very much a concern of New Wave), Catherine ( Jeanne Moreau) and the tangle of romantic attachments that she, Jules and Jim find themselves caught up in.

In New Wave terms, Truffaut’s influence is only equalled by French-Swiss director Jean-Luc Godard. Godard’s A Bout de Souffle (Breathless) is probably his most widely celebrated work, and rightly so – it is stylistically irresistible. Jean Seberg inspires cultish devotion in her own right, however, and you absolutely must also watch her in Otto Preminger’s 1958 adaptation of Francois Sagan’s novel Bonjour Tristesse. This film is imbued with sensuality: the warmth of the French Riviera, the feel of the sea – and although events force the characters to consider something other than their physical pleasures, the audience can continue to luxuriate.

Finally, and the most serious and plot-driven of the films recommended thus far, is Louis Malle’s 1974 Lacombe Lucien. Set in wartime France, its central character, Lucien, gets caught up in the Gestapo during the German occupation after a failed attempt to get into the French Resistance. If that wasn’t ideologically baffling enough (although for what it's worth, it always seems that he just wanted to be involved in something – anything) he then gets involved with a Jewish girl. Challenging and sad but very, very beautiful, this is a true cult classic.

Anna Feintuck

live

Club Nights

SUN 23 OCT 9PM The Venue, Potterrow £6 (students only) Tickets available from Teviot, Potterrow* & Pleasance* box offices, or on 0131 650 4673. Online bookings can be made through:

www.eusalive.co.uk your student association – your live events – your social life EUSALIVE A3 Posters Sept 2011.indd 2

09/09/2011 12:01

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper �������� Tuesday �������� October ��� 18 ����� 2011� music@studentnewspaper.org �������������������� studentnewspaper.org

Music 25

Connan calls in akron/family

Joshua Angrave chats to Connan Mockasin about Phantasy Records amidst the start of his UK tour

CARNIVAL FUN: Yes, the open-mouthed clowns are going to give us nightmares too. Bonus prize if you hit them in the head. peaking ahead of his tour opener at S Glasgow’s King Tuts, New Zealand born Connan Hosford checked in with

The Student, to bring us up to date with his psychedelic pop guise, Connan Mockasin. Coming from the confines of small town Te Awanga, Connan had little expectation with where his music would take him, seeing it rather as a creative outlet that he’s built, and carried through from his childhood.

“I think lots of kids just do what they want when they’re young, just mucking around, but I’ve been lucky and I’ve managed to carry on doing what I’ve been doing since I was little.” This freedom of unadulterated expression is translated in his avant-garde approach to recording, where often his tracks have no aligning arrangement, instead coming together in waves of individual parts, building to one unexpected chorus or melody to the next.

Appearing haphazard and disjointed, Connan puts his recent success down to luck more than any overriding talent: “It was all by chance that Forever Dolphin Love got recorded. My mum was the one to tell me to write the record. I figured out how to record on an old PC with Cool Edit Pro 2, and some other different machines, and I just took it from there”.

Outside influences have clearly helped Connan on his way, and other

than his mum, he’s quick to show how indebted he is to the vision of Erol Alkan, who took him under his wing and propelled him through his Phantasy label as its first recording artist: “I was surprised Erol signed me, he’s been so good to me, he’s so enthusiastic, and if he likes something and believes in it, he really goes for it. We need more people like him”.

“

It gets boring if you're doing the same sort of thing. You've always got to keep moving.”

Connan Mockasin Giving Connan the platform in which to remain true to his quirky self, but in a constructive surrounding, Erol signed Connan to the aptly named Phantasy Records and has positively supported him through his development. Encouraging him to use his drawings for his artwork, and immersing him in his own background in the alternative side of dance music.

Connan admires how this has pushed him forward, and out of his comfort zone: “It’s something I’m not used to, but that’s what excites me more. It gets

boring if you’re doing the same sort of thing, you’ve always got to keep moving”.

With this new angle towards his music, Connan has of late played live at a Fabric Phantasy Durr night in London, and seen his own original tracks gain popular appeal through Erol’s own remix of "Forever Dolphin Love", inspiring a number more reworks on new single "Faking Jazz Together".

Never afraid to push himself, Connan reveals how he has also been working alongside Erol on a remix, and that he’ll be releasing one for The Horrors soon as well.

Another inspired idea from Erol was to release a live CD with Forever Dolphin Love, to give the listener a window onto the changing sounds of the live performance, as Connan recalls: “it was quite difficult to play live as I hadn’t expected to play it in this environment.

I would have thought about that had I known”.

In pre-warned impromptu style, The King Tut’s gig showed little continuity with the album, with Connan striking out on his own accord with the help of live drums and bass to assist his pedal fuelled guitar. Beginning more in keeping with a stand-up comedy show, Connan took to the mic, mumbling about before shifting the stand into the front row for "Megumi The Milkyway

Above". Looking to the audience for their choral assistance in songs, and gliding all around the room made hard work for the two man support, who eagerly hung onto his every move, trying to anticipate what could come next. This uncontrolled performance fell through with much hilarity in the crescendo of "Forever Dolphin Love", when the three minute instrumental build came to a halt with a missed a drum beat causing them to rewind a minute for a second attempt.

“

Characterful as it was, the live show was nothing short of extroverted madness" Characterful as it was, the live show was nothing short of extroverted madness, with songs of another world and another mind that talk of invented beings called snats. A confusing end to the night saw the live band play out a demo called "I Wanna Roll With You", something Connan had prior mentioned, sharing his interest in “bad demos that are sent in”, which he is now looking to work with. Not particularly adverse to any new music in particular Connan describes his current tastes as such: “I’m pretty supportive of most

stuff today, but there’s not been an act I’ve properly followed for a couple years now. As you get older, the more you listen to, the more cynical you get”.

Preferring more the cinematic scores of Alejandro Jodorowsky, he goes on to describe how this has been “the most inspiring music of late”.

Yet holding back from listening to current fads has not stopped him from venturing into collaborative work: “I did a song with Charlotte Gainsbourg which is coming out in her new record in November, called, Stage Whisper, and the song’s called "Out Of Touch". I’m also doing a song for The Avalanches’ new record, and I’m looking to do some cover stuff for Metronomy, and Ladyhawke”. The most interesting of these upcoming projects will see a suitable pairing with Sam Eastgate of Late of The Pier: “It’s going to be called Soft Hair, and will sound something like the cantina alien band in Star Wars, well according to my friends at least. Erol said it sounded like demented disco. We’ll finish it off when I finish the European leg of my tour, which will be done by the end of October.” With much on the horizon for Connan, and with so many different creative influences on hand, only time will tell where next his experimentation will take him.

Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

Don't go anywhere without your iPod? music.studentnewspaper@gmail.com

26 Music

Albums rustie

Glass Swords WARP RECORDS

 quacrunk, Detroit techno or A Japanese prog rock? Rustie courts pretty much every dance subgenre

imaginable as Glass Swords crams five days at an electro dance music festival into your brain. Take a deep inhale of breath as you soak in the cacophony of noises that this exceptionally talented youngster has dreamt up. ������������ Part of the �������������������� LuckyMe collective, Rustie delivers wonky Deep South hip-hop with low-slung beats characteristic of pal Hudson Mohawke.

Having exploded onto the Glaswegian music scene with tracks such as "Inside Pikachu’s Cunt", this debut album is set to revolutionise electronica worldwide. Coupled with a strong 80s funk influence, glossy RnB, old school rave and retro 16 bit videogame noises, he has seriously raised the bar for genrestraddling producers. Like shards of glass, synths attack and stab you from all angles, as Rustie unashamedly embraces mainstream pop and demonstrates his influences broadly

ranging from Drexciya to Timbaland. "Ultra Thizz" is arguably the best track on the album, as, complete with handclaps and an ecstatic chorus, it feels like a musical bundle of joy.

Rounding the collection off perfectly is "Crystal Echo", laid-back drum and bass rhythmically but with lashings of glittery synth goodness and enticing vocal snippets.

What’s incredible about Rustie is his ability to seamlessly fuse completely opposing genres. "Hover Trap" opens with a funky slap-bass riff, which gradually mutates into an anthemic trance synth. Similarly, in "City Star", a shimmering pan-piped melody veers suddenly into violent crunk. For all its manic union of styles, there’s a certain warmth to this polished and cohesive album. That said, when winding down at the end of an evening, the frenzied pic'n'mix nature of this album might seem severe – you certainly need to be in the right frame of mind to fully appreciate Rustie’s rush of sounds.

“Like a metaphor for living in intense digital excess”, Pitchfork’s Martin Clarke aptly declares. It would be unfair to pigeonhole Rustie’s sound as it is this gangbang of styles that renders the album a modern masterpiece.

Glass Swords is all your birthdays and Christmases rolled into one: a truly stunning debut.

Felicity Martin

New found glory Radiosurgery EPITAPH

 ew Found Glory have at many N times over their career been overlooked for their more fashionable

brethren like Blink 182 and The Offspring. Even still it is hard to believe that they have now been plying the Pop Punk circuit since 1997 and it’s probably fair to say that they have aged better than most of their contemporaries. While others rely on past glories New Found Glory continue to produce quality albums and it doesn’t look like it’s stopped with Radiosurgery.

There’s nothing particularly new on this album, but that doesn’t stop it being good at exactly what it’s trying to be, namely sugary songs about love and loss with the usual big hooks and catchy choruses. After one listen you’ll find yourself singing it for the rest of the day, most likely replacing the actual lyrics with absolute gibberish.

A cameo appearance from Bethany Cosentino, of American indie band Best Coast, on "Caught in the Act" sits

Half man half biscuit

90 Bisodol (Crimond) PROBE PLUS



ou would be forgiven for thinking Y that 90 Bisodol (Crimond) is a re-release of an album from thirty years ago.

DAZED AND BLURRED: Rustie's been mixing his genres again

lisa hannigan Passenger PIAS

 been three years since Lisa HanIPrizet’snigan released her Mercury Music nominated debut album, Sea

Sew. This autumn she returns with her second offering, Passegner, an album exploring the theme of journeys. This is well conveyed as Hannigan moves away from emphasis on light ballads, which are pleasing to the ear, in favour of something much more deep and dark, before returning to her characteristic acoustic folk style as the album draws to a close, coming full circle in her journey.

“

Her distinctive and gorgeous voice is matched with beautiful melodies and spine tingling harmonies" Hannigan has obviously grown in confidence and musical maturity, adopting a more jazz/funk sound in some of her new material as evidenced in "What’ll I Do?" and "Knots", an up tempo and blues number with a strong beat and sense of attitude. In a bid to

increase sound intensity she has introduced the use of electric guitars and bass to good effect, moving away from the sound of Sea Sew without taking away the character Hannigan established in her debut album. However, she still has the ability to compel the listener on slower paired back numbers, through her intense vocals; firstly in “Little Bird” which displays Hannigan at her song writing best and also, the title track, "Passenger". "O Sleep", a duet with Ray Lamontagne shows great musicianship and their voices blend perfectly; this is definitely a song which will give you goosebumps.

The softly spoken singer reveals herself to be a witty character through "Safe Travels", a tongue in cheek number with a slightly morbid subject matter which should amuse audiences on her current tour. Whether the Irish humour will be as well received further afield is debatable.

Lisa Hannigan deserves credit as she could have easily produced an album similar to her first, but she has released a set of ten well crafted songs which show musical growth and development. Her distinctive and gorgeous voice is matched with beautiful melodies and spine tingling harmonies which can only please and intrigue listeners. Overall, a fantastic LP where every track is golden Rebecca O' Doherty

Half Man Half Biscuit formed in 1984 and it seems like they’ve not felt the need to evolve their frame of reference from past then.

This isn’t really a problem, though, when you have songs as brilliantly satirical as these. It’s not overstating it to compare Nigel Blackwell’s lyrics to Dylan’s at his darkest, funniest and most cynical. Blackwell and Dylan’s lyrics share the traits both of great storytelling and bizarre stream of consciousness rants.

FLYING HIGH: The sky's the limit for New Found Glory in well with the rest of the album and adds a nice change to proceedings with her female vocals.

Their punk influences do come through on occasion with the opening riff to "Ready, Aim Fire!" being a near carbon copy of The Clash's "I Fought the Law". Plus The Ramones are stamped all throughout this album along with Dookie-era Green Day, albeit with less songs about masturbation.

New Found Glory fans will lap this up and it’s not hard to imagine these songs soon being sung back at them on the festival circuit next year, if they bless the UK with an appearance. Those looking to get in to their music, however, would probably do better getting hold of their 2000 eponymous release before graduating onto this.

What also unites them is their tendency to reference other music and culture generally within their songs. You don’t have to look past the album title for this, which refers to the title of Psalm 23 in traditional Psalters, as well as the excessive use of indigestion drugs.

the old TV soap Crossroads. At the same time the musical style references everyone from Black Sabbath to The Beatles.

In this idiosyncratic style, the album contains pretty much everything that was great about punk. "Something’s Rotten in the Back of Iceland’"channels the morbid humour of the Sex Pistols, while "RSVP" is an irreverent, folky ballad worthy of anything done by The Pogues. But to describe the band solely in terms of what they reference does a disservice to how unique a beast they are, one that absorbs the entirety of pop culture and spits out songs with unique lyrics and brilliantly simple melodies.

By taking in all aspects of modern life they create characters that are very human, encompassing aspects of existence rarely captured in song. 90 Bisodol takes you to 1984, and it’s brilliant.

“

He discusses everything uncool from a small Dutch football competition to Crossroads" Bands don’t come much less cool than this. It’s an example of the wonderful character Blackwell has created in his songs, with lyrics referencing all of pop culture through a parochial view.

He discusses everything uncool from a small Dutch football competition to

Stuart Iversen

Aaron Peters

radiohead TKOL RMX 1234567 XL RECORDINGS

 KOL RMX 1234567 was origiT nally released as a set of 7 separate double, or triple, A-sided singles

in July earlier this year, before being compiled and released in the form of a remix album.

The aims of the project were revealed by Thom Yorke: “I was really curious to see how the people I was listening to so much would use what we gave them. I wanted to see how the songs could really branch out and mutate.” There is a real sense of this throughout the album, songs taking up a new form yet all the while remaining true to their original anatomy.

This is nowhere more apparent than in the simple yet brilliantly arranged "Lotus Flower ( Jacques Greene RMX)". Jacques Greene, a 20 year old Montreal DJ/Producer, is one of the most exciting up-and-coming acts in electronic music, and shows why in this encapsulating remix which includes an emphatic drop and an array of euphoric synths and hi-hats.

Another track that manages to preserve the essence of its original is "Codex (Illum Sphere RMX)" which retains the innocence and fragility of

BOARD MEETING: Where do Radiohead possibly go next? the original with wonderfully placed strings and a delicate beat.

Greene’s contribution, originally released as a two sided single with "Little by Little (Caribou RMX)" is another fantastic track on the album.

A delicate harp accompanies the minimal beat, while Caribou manages to masterfully modulate Yorke’s vocals to form piercing new harmonies.

"Feral (Lone RMX)" is another track on the album that immediately draws in the listener with its hypnotic samba beat and accompanying bird song.

“TKOL (Altrice RMX)” doesn’t remix a single song and instead takes aspects from various songs to create an enchanting track. A gentle beat accompanies a charming piano loop

from "Codex" and eventually a repeated high pitched "Don’t Hurt Me" from "Give up the Ghost" haunts the track until the very end.

Other highlights included the short but sweet "Bloom ( Jamie XX RMX)", the techno inspired "Bloom (Blawan RMX)", and the beautiful "Separator (Four Tet RMX)" while tracks "Morning Mr Magpie (Nathan Fake RMX)", and "Separator (Anstam RMX)" lacked imagination and were disappointing. All in all what Radiohead have managed to do here is magnificent, a wonderful collection of remixes by an exciting group of individuals.

Max Sanderson

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Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

Music 27

Live Joshua Radin HMV Picturehouse 7 October 

motional rollercoaster. As clichéd E as the term may be, there are few words better suited to describe what the

audience at the HMV picture house underwent on the evening of Friday 7th of October. Known for his mellow, melancholic, and what some critics have called “predictable” folk music, Joshua Radin surprised his eagerly awaiting audience with a set of unashamedly emotional songs from his earlier records, perfectly balanced out with unexpected upbeat and optimistic material from his new album, The Rock and the Tide.

Following the beautifully raw sound of lesser-known artist, Rosi Golan, the Ohio native emerged onto the stage and in an instant, seemed perfectly at home. Radin’s pleasure to be back on tour shone through each of his songs, and even the arguably most depressing of them ("Winter") from his debut album, wass performed with an energy

and passion that fails to shine through on his records. The opening song, "No Envy, No Fear" demonstrated what is so alluring about Radin’s music. This is his simplicity. The lyrics are profound yet honest, and the melodies delicate without being complex. Radin stepped away from the microphone at several points throughout the show, demonstrating his powerful vocals, rarely heard on his earlier records; and at one stage, unplugged for an acoustic rendition.

“

His charismatic demeanor had the audience fully invested in each song" Intense drum and guitar solos building to floor-shaking crescendos were uncharacteristic of Radin, but were welcomed by the audience with shouts of applause and admiration. Although departing from the smoother, safer sounds of his first two records, Radin stayed true to the underlying raw emotions that all his fans respond to so well.

What was most striking about the performance was Radin’s ability to create an intimate atmosphere amongst an audience of hundreds. It was easy

to forget the crowd, and become completely captivated by the music. Divulging details of the inspiration for some of his most moving songs, particularly “Everything’ll be alright” (in reference to the hurricane Katrina disaster), and, "You got what I need" (written for a couple who were unable to conceive a child), Radin conveyed another level of meaning and intimacy to his lyrics. His charismatic demeanor had the audience fully invested in each song, and by the fourth Radin had the crowd clapping on command to his upbeat track "Nowhere to go". This charm made it easy to forgive the few songs which blended into one another and simply lacked the oomph of the others.

Although Radin’s new record has been criticized for its failed attempt to move away from the singer’s acoustic beginnings, it was the tracks from The Rock and the Tide that brought energy and vivacity to the venue. Without this the set could have been, although beautiful, also unoriginal and predictable.

The low point of the entire performance was Radin’s announcement to return to the softer sounds of his earlier albums, which, although touching, fail to bring something unique to the musical world.

Katherine Nugent

Annie mac presents Liquid Room 1 October 

nnie Mac returned to Edinburgh A this month in a thunderous whirl of drum and bass and electro to a packed

out Liquid Rooms. The dance floor was rammed, a sea of elbows, and the balconies above seemed to groan under the weight of punters, all anxious to catch a glimpse of Annie Mac’s face. At full capacity, the audience gyrated in a hulking, sweaty ensemble.

Edinburgh based DJ, Jigsaw, set the ball rolling with an accomplished set, galvanising his homecrowd into a boozeinduced euphoria. He is definitely one to watch and at only 21 there’s clearly a lot left in the tank. By the time he dropped T.E.E.D’s remix of Friendly Fires’ "Hawaiian Air", the atmosphere was electric.

Then there was Annie. Kicking off her set with The 2 Bear’s highly acclaimed "Bear Hug", the crowd responded in a pulsating rhythm, unified by an admi-

Singles

BIG HAIR, BIG TUNES: Headbanging is welcome ration for her infectious enthusiasm.

Annie was there in full swing, her curly locks bouncing along to the music, grinning at every mix, buoyed by the crowd’s appreciation.

Fake Blood took over with astonishing vigour. A single blue light illuminated his face to start, adding to the drama, and when he finally dropped "I Think I Like It", the crowd were practically ripping their hair out in anticipation. He

Joe Jonas Just in Love HOLLYWOOD



had a tough act to follow, but he stepped up to the plate admirably.

What could easily have been a night reserved only for heavy dance music connoisseurs ended up being a night enjoyed by all. Annie Mac, by amalgamating the underground with the mainstream, cemented her reputation in Scotland’s capital as one of the foremost DJs around.

Livvy Moore

Matt cardle Run for Your Life SYCO MUSIC



OUT WITH THE OLD: Pierce still needs to learn his new songs

spiritualized Queen's Hall 9 October 

ith a new bassist in tow, and the W release of a seventh album just a few months away, the mood was an ex-

pectant one as Jason Pierce and his troupe of space rockers emerged on stage at the Queen’s Hall on the first stop of their mini UK tour.

The majority of the slightly rowdy crowd that greeted them were soon sedated into a reverential calm. Sitting inconspicuously on a chair to the side, Pierce led his eight-strong band through two hours of droning psychedelia, gospeltinged blues and occasional deafening freak-outs – with guitarist Doggen coaxing all manner of gnarled sounds out of his Fender Jazzmaster.

Despite playing new material for the entirety of their first hour-long set, Spiritualized’s familiar combination of trancelike soundscapes and trippy visuals, ensured that even those expecting a full run-through of 1997’s critically acclaimed Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space (as was rumoured beforehand) were not left entirely disappointed.

As always, when showcasing a number of new songs, though, an audience’s initial appreciative patience can easily deteriorate into restlessness. Even though many dutifully lapped up every note spilling from the stage regardless of whether they recognised the songs, there seemed to be a small number present who clearly felt their entrance fee of £17.50 entitled them to a few hits.

Shouts of "Broken Heart!" and "Cop Shoot Cop!" started to punctuate gaps in the performance as impatience kicked in amongst a handful of punters. But Jason Pierce, as enigmatic and non-responsive as ever, continued to plough on through no fewer than eleven new songs – irrespective of the cries of the bipolar crowd.

The new material itself instantly seems familiar, if not slightly formulaic, with “You Get What You Deserve” and the euphoric “So Long” immediately sticking out as potential standout tracks on the forthcoming album. As ever, the lyrical content focuses almost entirely on drugs, religion and heartbreak, with Pierce’s lead vocal superbly complemented at times by the two gospel backing singers.

The inclusion of "Shine a Light’" in the hour-long 'encore' was greeted with a cheer and appeared to temporarily satisfy the earlier grumblers, who were then treated to an unexpected rendition of Spacemen 3 classic "Take Me to the Other Side" before the band closed with a feel-good cover of "Oh Happy Day".

Although the lack of familiar songs clearly rankled with some in attendance, the fact that Jason Pierce demonstrably refuses to rest on his laurels indicates that Spiritualized are still some way from becoming a nostalgia act. You also get the impression that when that time does arrive, Pierce will be the first to call it a day.

On Sunday’s evidence though, and with meaningful new material showing no sign of drying up, we shouldn’t have to worry about that any time soon.

George Gunn

girls

all the young





Honey Bunny 53:29

The First Time WARNER BROS.

ot content with having an entirely lot is made of Matt Cardle’s former irls, for the last two years, have laiming to champion the return of N 8-year-old fanbase, Joe Jonas has Acareer as a painter and decorator. Greleased relentlessly catchy guitarC the “proper guitar tune”, All The ditched his brothers and traded in his When he was on the X-Factor, it was his pop tunes. “Honey Bunny” is, characYoung present a woeful and uninspirDisney star image in favour of something a little more mature. Having blossomed from child to sexed-up man-child, this new musical direction will surely attract some older listeners, perhaps even some born as far back as the 90s.

The song itself tells the enthralling story of Joe liking a girl and then going out with her. It’s not completely terrible, however, as producers have at least ensured that it’s easy to listen to, though a few latin elements aren’t enough to spice up the generic plodding synth pop that is the track as a whole.

Hearing Joe Jonas try to be sexy is a special kind of uncomfortable, like seeing a puppy in lingerie. If you are into that sort of thing, this track could be for you. Otherwise, maybe give it a miss.

Helen Stride

little sob story; pictures of him looking glum in overalls would be accompanied by a soppy orchestra and Matt would whimper about his need to win.

Strangely though, "Run for Your Life", a bore-de-France of dull, seems like a veiled attempt by Matt to send himself tumbling back into that glorious life of arsecracks and Dulex. It’s a song as beige as the palette of paint he offers to his customers, begrudgingly penned

by Gary Barlow with one eye on the TV and suffocated by cheap violins.

It’s extraordinarily boring and if Matt wants my advice (which he doubtlessly does) he should continue releasing formulaic cack until he’s safe to return to the comfortable life of wolf-whistling and bacon butties.

teristically, a massively enjoyable slice of Phil Spector-inflected indie rock.

The song opens with thumping drums and jangly guitars, along with Christopher Owens giving an impassioned yet hazy vocal delivery. Lyrics about “the stuff that [he’s] on” make for one of the best choruses of the year, followed by a show-stopping bridge.

What really sets Girls apart from derivative contemporaries like Best Coast is Owens’ deceptively dark lyricism and ambition, throwing in a gospel choir for the last 10 seconds.

Packing loads into its concise 2:30, it proves Girls to be unrivalled in their field, writing songs with perfect pop melodies wrapped around heartwrenching confessional lyrics.

ing record that fails to deliver on every level.

"The First Time" has lad rock written all over it, however the execution lacks conviction. The processed arrangement of instruments, akin to the drudgery of Scouting for Girls, combined with forced vocals suggest the band are struggling to convince the listener of their masculinity and rebelliousness: “I am a man - honest - I like football, and pizza, and birds, yeah, I slept with a girl once didn’t call her back either, did I - LAD.” Despite a mildly explosive chorus, it is riddled with insincerity. Overall, if a half-arsed rip of a Smiths B-side guitar tab represents the band’s best effort, then hopefully this will be the first and only time they grace the airwaves.

Jack Murray

Emmett Cruddas

Joseff Morgan

Tuesday October 18 2011

Follow ������� us ������ on twitter �������� @TheStudentPaper ����������������������� or on Facebook ��������� at ��� facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper �������������������������������� studentnewspaper.org ���������������������������������� tv.studentnewspaper@googlemail.com

28 TV

Scotland's finest

Daniel Swain, Dan Heap and Alistair Grant present their favourite Scottish shows of past and present



L

et’s be honest, home-grown Scottish TV is sometimes a bit of a minefield (River City, anyone?).

But having said this, there are two genres that we happen to do pretty well as a nation – grim, moody crime dramas (think Rebus or the admittedly increasingly ridiculous Taggart) and, in contrast to this, comedy.

“

When it comes to the surreal and ridiculous, what one person finds hilarious, another finds... well, surreal and ridiculous" The scope and variety of Scottish television comedy is genuinely impressive. From the phenomenally successful Chewin’ the Fat to the oddball hit-andmiss antics of internet-come-television sensation Limmy, via the seasonal Hogmanay staple of Only an Excuse?, there really is plenty to choose from.

Burnistoun continues in this tradition, offering laugh-out-loud moments almost slapstick in their delivery interspersed with the more weird and surreal. Its sketch show format works

The Book Group Channel 4 (2002-03) 4oD



T

he Book Group bears all the hallmarks of the cult comedy Channel 4 is so adept at churning out: brilliantly rendered larger-than-life characters, of and lashings of surreal humour. It is odd, then, that The Book Group hasn't followed its channel-mates Spaced, Peep Show and Garth Marenghi's Darkplace in achieving the same level of after-theevent popularity.

Anne Dudek – perhaps more familiar for her role as Dr. Amber Volakis in House – is neurotic, socially awkward Clare Pettengill, an American woman recently arrived in Glasgow who sets up a book group hoping to make some like-minded friends.

Expecting to meet people as intelligent and interested in literature as she is, Clare is surprised and not a little annoyed to have her living room populated with a cast of oddities: a trio of football wives (headed by Michelle Gomez's Janice), Barney – an arrogant postgraduate student ( James Lance), Kenny – a sensitive wheelchair-bound budding writer and unemployed Rab, who attends the group to get close to Janice's husband – his sporting hero and love interest.

Clare's attempts to discuss the week's book – from which the episode takes its title – are constantly frustrated by the intrusion of the ups and downs of lives of those in the group.

Coming from a huge range of backgrounds, the group form a loveable

if oddly disparate bunch, supporting each other through death, divorce and everything else that life has to throw at them.

At the same time, however, The Book Group has a constant undercurrent of sadness to it: each of the characters is intensely lonely in their own way – Clare struggling to make her way in a strange country, Barney trying to escape the clutches of his heroin addiction and Kenny, who struggles to find love despite being the object of desire of the group's women. The episodes – the last in particular – are never tied up neatly and end on uncomfortably open-ended note.

BANG BANG: Amanda had taken the phrase 'shotgun wedding' literally

Wedding Belles Channel 4 (2007) 4oD



F

our radge lasses shooting the men that have crossed them and dumping them into the harbour. That’s how Wedding Belles starts. The 2007 Channel 4 black comedy, written by Irvine Welsh set in Leith, centres around four friends; Amanda (Michelle Gomez), Kelly (Shirley Henderson), Rhona (Shauna McDonald) and Shaz (Kathleen McDermott) in the build-up to Amanda’s wedding. Each of the women is in an outrageous and grimly funny situation, often imposed upon them by male figures of varying despicability.

These situations range from the sadly real topics that Irvine Welsh has long been associated with – drug abuse,

mental health problems and alcoholism – to the more bizarre such as Shaz’s affair with a priest.

The story is told eclectically, switching the narrative cleverly between the four women as they go about their business, sometimes switching setting temporally as well – including a particularly sad scene where Rhona remembers her last moments with her fiancé.

This sadness is an anomaly though: everywhere else the show takes negativity and channels it into dark humour – a traumatic scene in a bar that ends with a brutal beating is played off with a punch line, a recounting of the suicide of a depressed woman initially seems serious until the main characters laugh it off with some banter.

That seems to sum up the entire show’s mood; it builds tension with the mounting pressure of frictional situations, and then deflates the sour bubble with a sweet needle of dark humour.

This can take the form of a punch line, a subtle look lacking concern from one of other characters or an entire scene of comic relief, with the girls dancing raucously in bars you've probably done the same in. This interesting form of humour delivery adds to the thoroughly original narrative. The acting is strong, with the stand-out performance coming from Michelle Gomez, of The Book Group and Green Wing, playing local business woman Amanda impeccably – a vindictive, clever and likable protagonist who treads the line between hero and anti-hero.

Wedding Belles is a great example of dark humour; grinning cynically through the most bizarre and disheartening of topics. Only a few years old and perhaps one of the only things you’ll ever watch set in Leith, it’s very worthwhile viewing.

Daniel Swain

“

The Book Group has a constant undercurrent of sadness to it: each of the characters is lonely in their own way."

As in Wedding Belles, Gomez is sensational: Janice is the group's mother hen, but nevetheless goes on the biggest journey of all characters, going from bored housewife to intrepid journalist to MSP across the twelve episodes, falling in love with her bisexual husband's male lover along the way.

Writer Annie Griffin has produced one of the most endearing but also darkly funniest examinations of life in modern Scotland that by no means deserves the obscurity that it has suffered from so far.

Dan Heap

LAST RESORT: Trapped in the studio, the mic was looking tasty

Taking over the ASylum BBC Two (1994) googlevideos

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cotland’s mental health services are not the most explored theme, but it makes for a delightful setting in Taking over the Asylum – an early 90s BBC Scotland dark comedy set in a St. Jude's, a sychiatric hospital in Glasgow. The story centres on Eddie (Ken Stott) – double glazing salesman

BBC

BBC Two Scotland (2009-) iplayer

incredibly well, keeping the pace fast and the comedy moving along nicely from one character and situation to another. Like all sketch shows, this allows gags that fall flat to be forgotten amidst others that worked for the viewer – encouraging a kind of selective memory that is perhaps useful when it comes to this type of comedy. When it comes to the surreal and ridiculous, what one person finds hilarious another person finds… well, surreal and ridiculous.

Set in a fictional Scottish town and filmed in and around Greater Glasgow, comedians Iain Connell and Robert Florence inhabit an impressive range of identities, ranging from local murderer ‘The Burnistoun Butcher’ to superhero ‘Doberman Man’. Many of the best laughs can be found in the second series, where the writing appears more comfortable and settled in style and content. One standout sketch featuring Frankie Boyle advertising the fictional Cumber’s (emphasis on the first syllable) Pies is particularly successful.

While many of the sketches might not be to everyone’s taste, with a few even seeming to lead nowhere at all, Burnistoun is still well worth a watch.

As an example of new, highly original comedy, it is hard to think of anything else quite like it on Scottish – or, indeed, British – television.

If Limmy is a bit too outlandish for you, but you think Still Game plays it a bit safe, then Burnistoun could offer a happy middle ground with your name on it.

Alistair Grant

BBC

BURNISTOUN

by day and Hospital radio DJ by night –in his efforts to restore the hospital's radio station.

The show’s cast is strong; including a break-out effort from David Tennant who plays the manic and exciting Campbell and a notably sombre performance by Angus MacFayden as the gentle and kind Fergus. Ken Stott's performance is the highlight: he plays Eddie as a broken and unhappy man – suffering ���������������������������� in his monotonous job, where he is imposed upon by over-zealous management – extracting ����������� happiness from his sole hobby.

Stott’s acting is almost impeccable at times, highlighted by his facial expressions, beautifully expressing a glum and helpless but hopeful disposition and his well-timed pauses and stutters, which reflect the lack of self-confidence and awkwardness that drive his character’s interactions.

The show itself is such a break from the usual treatment of the mentally ill: instead of the illnesses being played for laughs, the absurdity of the situation and the oddness of the interactions are used to generate humour.

But this is done without disconnecting the audience from the characters; they are rendered absurdly real, and their doubts and plights are cast to connect the audience to them.

This refreshingly humanising take on the mentally ill is especially delightful given how they treated in most modern media, from the insane, ravenous killers of Batman’s Arkham Asylum to the psychopathic Patrick Bateman of American Psycho.

Taking over the Asylum is an endearing exemplar of Scottish television: dark and glum, but sweetly comical and enjoyable – a sterling piece of television.

Daniel Swain

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Tuesday October 18 2011 studentnewspaper.org

TV 29

Manning up?

LOST

&

FOUND

Dan Heap loved this documentary about two young people undergoing gender re-assignment SAM AND EVAN: FROM GIRLS TO MEN BBC 3 iplayer until 24 October

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spy Sky One Fridays, 8.30pm

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ky One has invested heavily in introducing new original comedies recently and Spy has to be one of their best attempts. Cleverly written

by Simon Goulden (Secret Diary of a Call Girl), this six-part series is a likeable show which manages to avoid the usual clichés and stupid parodies most espionage-comedies have been subjected to.

It follows the story of a dysfunc-

THE LOVE BUS Five Sundays, 12.30pm

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ive's dating show The Love Bus is, perhaps unsurprisingly, a bit shit.

The “dating show with a twist” revolves around a simple premise: one singleton rides the Love Bus while other singles get on at various points and have until the next stop to impress. If a date fails to woo then he or she gets off the bus to be replaced by someone else; if things go well they can stay on and continue the date. An emergency stop button can be pressed if things are going really badly, and the guy or girl who makes it to the end of the journey gets a date.

So, will our “flirty somethings” (not my pun, alas, but the show’s) find love?

Will it be happily ever after for our “cuddle-worthy singles”? The answer, fairly obviously, is probably not.

Given that they have only a few minutes to strike up a romance, many of the contestants see fit to put on mini-performances such as poetry readings or songs, leading to often

trinity ITV 2 (2009) TV Blinx

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family and endure daily abuse from their unenlightened neighbours.

Evan's parents seem to go on an even bigger journey than the two boys: with dozens of pictures of her former daughter hanging on the wall in the background, his mother Kath gives and eloquent and incredibly moving account of her shock upon hearing that Yvonne felt like she couldn't grow up to be a woman – she talks as if her daughter had died – and her

subsequent happiness at seeing her new son fall in love.

Kath and the rest of the family welcome Sam with open arms and despite the hostility and bleakness of the place they live, the two lads are able to make their transition in a loving, supportive atmosphere that is a joy to behold.

Uplifting though the story is, the director nevertheless leaves us in no doubt about the enormity and difficulty of the change Sam and Evan are

going through. Making the choices the lads are is not simply a question of adopting a curious 'alternative' lifestyle along the lines of being a nudist or a vegan – as popular perceptions of transsexualism appear to assume – but a matter of living a fulfilling life, or hardly living at all. As Sam says: “If I had a choice between living as a girl or not living at all, I would choose just to not live.”

tional family headed by a lovable-loser Tim ( Darren Boyd) and his obnoxious son Marcus ( Jude Wright) and how he stumbles from his dead-end job into spying for Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

Tim is a 30-something data analyst working at a computer firm with no future aspirations while dealing with a divorce from a vindictive wife and Marcus, a son who loathes him. In a whimsical attempt to win back the affections of his son, Tim quits his old job and obliviously ends up being recruited as a trainee spy by MI5.

Boyd is tailor-made for this role; likable and adept at generating

pathos, especially in the scenes with Jude Wright's character, playing a son who constantly nags his father about his lax attitude, providing us with a funny but annoyingly acidic character, an integral part of the show.

But the show stealer has to be Robert Lindsay. Even though he had only a limited appearance in the first episode as the MI5 supervisor and recruiting officer, known as The Examiner, he delivers the most memorable moments in the show.

His character is an unorthodox establishment figure comparable to James Bond’s ‘M’ who sneaks scotch into exam halls and indiscrimi-

nately throws ninja stars at everything (cheekily including Judi Dench’s portrait). Just released from My Family, Lindsay seems to be having a great time playing the character, delivering ridiculous punch lines with a cynical smile, “I like awkward positions, awkward (wink).”

Spy's humour is not particularly laugh-out-loud funny or memorable, but it can be slyly clever – which seems to fit the theme – and, fulfilling Sky's aim, it constitutes something reasonably original.

tragic consequences.

When one aging rocker opts for an air-guitar demonstration it is, depressingly, something of a relief – a fact which gives you an idea of just how crushing the rest of the programme is.

This is car-crash telly at its most gaudy and horrendous. The Love Bus itself is decked out like Ikea on acid, and while presenter Zoe Salmon does her best to add a flirty, up-beat element to proceedings even she must be wondering where things went so wrong. “The love bus can be so cruel” she sighs wistfully at one point.

The best thing that can be said for The Love Bus is that it might be entertaining TV at 3am when you’ve just come back from a club, drunk and alone. But even then it would probably only serve to highlight your own isolation as you find yourself connecting with the increasingly desperate singletons in all their doomed glory.

“So will it be ding ding or ding dong?” presenter-turned-wordsmith Zoe asks at the beginning of each new episode, her hollow eyes peering out at us. If "ding dong"means anything other than 'avoid', I’d opt for the former.

Alistair Grant

t's 2007 in an ITV boardroom: long before Downton Abbey appeared on our screens and years since the channel came up with anything of note. Scrabbling around at the bottom of the barrel for ideas, a creative plucks from the ether the two most random shows he can think of and mashes them together.

"I know", he pipes up, “think Skins mixed with The Demon Headmaster”.

And so Trinity was born.

Starting a show off on ITV 2 is, to quote Geoffrey Howe, “rather like sending your opening batsmen to the crease, only for them to find, as the first balls are being bowled, that their bats have been broken before the game by the team captain.” It's always going to be a disaster, so you wonder why they ever bother in the first place. Predictably, Trinity was like almost all other ITV 2 shows: so bad it was good, but not good enough not to be cancelled after the first series.

It starts offdoing exactly what it says on the tin: lots of beautiful, overly-priviliged young people boozing and having copious amounts of sex in the opulent surroundings of what the producers think an Oxbridge college looks like. There's all the stock characters here: arrogant public schoolboy and head of the Bullingdon-style Dandelion Club Dorian (Christian Cooke), his leggy cousin Rosalind (Isabella Calthorpe), fresh from 'the street' state-school kid Theo (Reggie Yates) and the patrician Dean of the college, Dr Edmund Maltravers (Charles Dance).

It takes on a darker (and more ridiculous) tone as it is revealed that Maltravers is perfecting some sort of bio-weapons programme in a Bondvillain style lab in the basement of the college. He uses the super fit college rowers as guinea-pigs and kills them off one-by-one as the experients go awry.

Frustratingly, it doesn't look like the writers have thought the plot through and actually not very much is done to progress towards revealing exactly what Maltravers is up to and who his shady American backers are. It looks like they were leaving it all to a second series from which, thankfully, we've all been spared, the only mystery being why the highly respected Dance ever agreed to appear in this most ill-concieved of shows.

Raunak Dash

ALL ABOARD: Boris Johnson's new bus conductor hiring policy.

five

ust when you thought BBC3 could do nothing right (think Are You Hotter Than Your Daughter? Snog, Marry, Avoid?) it comes up with a documentary so beautifully sensitive and incisive that it makes you think it may after all not me the colossal waste of the license fee it appears to be the rest of the time.

Sam and Evan: From Girls to Men follows a year in the lives of two young people as they grow-up from being children into being adults – moving in with each other and getting their first job – but at the same go through gender re-assignment.

Coming from two entirely different worlds – Evan growing up on a deprived council estate in Rochdale and Sam coming from a prosperous household (complete with maid) in Surrey – Sam makes the decision to give up a place to study at Oxford and to forgoe the security and privilege of his upbringing to move in with Evan's

ITV

J

Dan Heap

live

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Sport 27 31

1987 all over again

Injury Time

Charles Cutteridge looks ahead to a repeat of the inaugural World Cup final in Auckland everything that they needed to win. It hasn’t been pretty but they are in the World Cup final, and that cannot be baulked at. Can they edge to one more victory against the All Blacks? If they do, it would be one of the biggest upsets in the history of the competition.

New Zealand have been supreme so far. They have scored 39 tries in six matches, compared to France’s 15.

They average 49 points per game to France’s 25, and if their defence is as relentless as it was against Australia last Sunday, Les Bleus will have to work very hard to score points.

“

AUDRey Pui

Semi-final weekend certainly delivered an eventful duo of matches, and as we look forward to a repeat of the inaugural tournament of 1987, New Zealand is buzzing. The two finalists could not have had more different campaigns; New Zealand remaining unbeaten and living up to their number one ranking, whilst France have stumbled along looking less than average at times, somehow eking out victory upon victory in the knockout stages.

Let us not forget that the French team we will see this weekend is the same French team that lost to Tonga in the group stages, that only just finished off a woeful, arrogant England, and failed to dominate Wales at any stage, despite them being reduced to 14 men for 60 minutes.

However, this is why watching the French is so exciting. No one knows which team is going to turn up. At their best, they are disciplined, physical and exciting. The problem is that we rarely see them on top of their game. This is a team that can put 46 points past Canada yet then lose to Tonga. They are erratic performers, but none of this matters if they turn up to play this weekend. World Cup rugby is about winning, not how you win. England proved that in the last two World Cups.

A win is a win and that is all that matters. France have accomplished this so far, this time around. They’ve won

This is New Zealand's World Cup and there is a sense of inevitability lingering in the Auckland air; it is hard to see the French overcoming them."

France will take some comfort from New Zealand’s inconsistent World Cup performances. They have been pretournament favourites for every competition since they won the inaugural tournament on home soil in 1987, yet they have choked in the knockout stages

WEBB ELLIS: Probably going to just get beer drunk from it... every time. France have also been their rival team in the past, most notably beating them in the quarter-finals of 2007.

They do seem to have put their past behind them, however. Comfortably beating France 37-17 in the pool stages and then crushing Australia, their nemesis, in 2003, they have made it within touching distance of the Webb Ellis Trophy. In a World Cup dominated by sevens, Richie McCaw has been at his very best and has guided his team to the final, despite the loss of their talismanic fly half Dan Carter.

This is their World Cup and there is a sense of inevitability lingering in the

Auckland air. They have not let anyone stand in their way yet, and it is hard to see France overcoming them again.

Two epic games are to be played out this weekend. Wales will try and recover some pride from their dramatic semi final defeat in what will be a very tight game against Australia. The final could go one of two ways. It will not be easy and France will put up a fight but I have a feeling that there will be Kiwi hands all over the William Webb Ellis Trophy by the end of this week.

France will have to play the game of their lives if they want to bring it home.

Levein's reign may not end in Spain

Calum Leslie encourages Scotland to stick with their manager despite defeat in Alicante reign, and are calling for Levein to go.

But that conclusion is as dodgy as taking to the pitch without a recognised striker.

For a start, Levein evidently commands a respect that Burley never seemed to hold. It is only possible to know so much from the terraces, but the fact both Darren Fletcher and Kenny Miller both recently pulled out of the squad, only to return, speaks volumes.

The players seem to enjoy playing for him, crucial on the international stage.

Secondly, the squad is moving forward, compared to undoubtedly going backwards under Burley.

Levein’s impact has not been instant, and painful moments have had to be endured, but to take one recent example, Walter Smith – hailed for his “instant” impact as Scotland boss – was afforded plenty of time to make errors.

He had the majority of the 2006 World Cup qualifying campaign to

GIVE HIM TIME: The Hampden Park crowd should stick by Levein

celticphotos

So that’s it for another disappointing qualifiication campaign.

The fat lady has sung, they think it’s all over, and it is. Scotland will - once again - not be gracing the finals of an international championship after a 3-1 defeat in Alicante to World and European champions Spain ended our hopes of reaching Euro 2012.

Only three wins in eight matches and none by more than one goal (two of those against minnows Liechtenstein), a disastrous 4-6-0 formation in Prague that manager Craig Levein still refuses to admit was a mistake, and a collective point from four games against the Czech Republic and Spain all point towards a campaign that was an unmitigated disaster.

Indeed, some critics, whether they be journalists or supporters - or both would have you believing not very much has changed since the George Burley

implement changes to a side that had become ragged, downtrodden, and disorganised under Berti Vogts. In seven games Smith presided over three wins, two draws, and two defeats – the same number of points amassed by Levein in his eight competitive matches in charge.

Admittedly, some matches featured arguably tougher opposition, but included a 1-0 defeat at home to Belarus and a disappointing 0-0 draw in Minsk.

Over these games,Smith made mistakes, learned from them and built a side ready to challenge for qualification; Smith failed to qualify for Euro 2008 by two points at the hands of Italy and France.

Levein has, like Smith, faced the uneviable task of putting together a team from the remnants of a damaging previous regime, and only now, like Smith, are the rewards beginning to materialise.

In contrast, Burley was presented with an experienced international side that was still warm from blazing an unbeaten trail from Hampden to Paris and back, yet he presided over a regression of mammoth proportions that resulted in the fragile mess Levein was handed on his first day in the job.

It is not credible to suggest Levein has not exposed glaring failures of his own over the past two years. His stubborn defence of the 4-6-0 formation remains a monkey on his back, and will continue to do so until he admits he simply got it wrong. Likewise, the tentative way in which he approached an away tie in Lithuania perhaps epitomised both his novice uncertainty at that level as well as our immediate insecurities as a footballing nation, but must now be looked back on as an error of judgement.

Yet there are positives to outweigh these realities. There is as genu-

ine “feel-good factor” amongst a squad desperate to play and the players are beginning to feel comfortable with his style. While a “Plan B” is needed, the 4-1-4-1 formation is beginning to mould a Scotland side with the potential to play good passing football.

Even in the heat of Alicante last week, against the might of Spain, this Scottish side showed the ability to pose more attacking problems than a simple punt up the pitch.

“

Levein now has a side that is prepared to seriously challenge for qualification."

Levein now has a side that he has cultivated over a campaign, and that is more prepared to seriously challenge for qualifying. Undoubtedly, if Scotland fail to qualify, our 2014 World Cup qualification effort will be Levein’s last as Scotland manager.

But the man has done the hard work that Smith did in failing to qualify first time around, and deserves the chance to see that hard work bear the fruits that Smith (and Alex McLeish) got in the Euro 2008 qualifiers.

For that reason, he will in all probability rightfully lead the national team into our next few matches, including against the mighty Brazil.

If he cannot learn from his mistakes and cannot teach his side to realise the potential beginning to sprout from all corners of his squad, however, his removal as boss will merely be delayed by a few more glorious failures.

takes A WRY look at the world of sport Alas, the dream is over. Plucky/ brave/other-patronising-adjectivesare-available Wales were on Saturday denied a date with destiny by the sneaky/slimey/other-racial-stereotypes-only-acceptable-in-a-sporting-context-are-available French.

Injury Time thinks that everything surrounding the egg-shapedball-game is better than the roundshaped-ball-game, except for the game itself, which the ever-changing rules have turned into an incomprehensible kick-and-rush fest where scrum halves are often as big as prop forwards. But football can learn from rugby in terms of the respect shown for referees, the no excuses attitude, and the insightful and cliché-free coverage.

Usually. But since Saturday we’ve seen one of football’s most dangerous mis-mantras creeping in: “he’s not that sort of player”. Skipper Sam Warburton’s red card for a dangerous tip tackle on Vincent Clerc spoilt the game, but that ain’t the referee’s fault. Whether there was malice or not, the ref is there to stop people breaking bones – not to ensure a good spectacle.

The idea that over-zealous refereeing ruins games is misguided. The ref ’s job is to punish each transgression on its merits – failing to dish out cards doesn’t improve the flow of a match, it discourages persistent or aggressive fouling as an effective tactic for rubbish teams to upset good ones.

Take the ludicrous lunge by Martin Taylor on Eduardo da Silva in 2008, from which the Croatian striker has never quite recovered.

Taylor calculated that the wrath waiting in the Birmingham dressing room for those who give the opposition an easy ride was more serious than the consequences of missing the ball, and launched himself in its general direction. There was no malice, but that is irrelevant – Injury Time has plenty of mates who are “top bananas” in the pub, but turn into complete wankers behind the wheel of a car. When the inevitable happens and one of them knocks down a pedestrian, we won’t be testifying that he’s “not that sort of driver”.

In recent years, Mr. Wenger has seen Aaron Ramsey, Abou Diaby and Eduardo stretchered past him due to players who “aren’t that sort of player”, their bones no less broken as a result. And yet Pulis, Allardyce and McCarthy et al deride any suggestion from the Arsenal manager that players should have more protection from the referee as self-interested whinging.

Too often inferior teams are allowed to nullify gifted opponents by means that require no skill whatsoever. When a clinical finish is applied to a crisp passing move, it can be cancelled out by some meat-head bundling a "keeper into the net from a long throw."

The throwaway news that Danny Murphy wants to end his career at Craven Cottage could be more immediate than first thought. A word of warning: Ryan Shawcross and Stoke City are coming to town on 11 February. Be careful what you wish for.

Davie Heaton

Sport

studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday October 18 2011

Levein's learning curve

Calum Leslie evaluates Craig Levein's time as Scotland manager after another qualification failure P31

The most Scottish of sports?

TEAM ETHIC: The cricket club is a social and varied outfit Cricket is considered by many to be the most English of sports. Few play it north of the border, but Edinburgh University Cricket Club shun this typecast and they continue to go from strength to strength. Despite being a marginal sport in Scotland, recruitment is going well, and the team ethic throughout the squad is there for all to see.

Traditionally a summer sport, the cricket team play in several different indoor cricket competitions during the autumn and winter period, before taking-part in the regular outdoor season during the months of April and May. This allows for students who enjoy

Ali love

Chris Waugh discovers the unique set-up of Edinburgh Uni cricket club and its continued growth in the city

cricket to play for a sustained period, and they are able to continue to hone their skills throughout the calendar year.

What is perhaps most interesting and refreshing about the elite cricket team is that it is mixed-sex. Obviously the male and female squads play separately, but the club as a whole is universal, and it is the only university cricket club in Britain that has united the two genders.

The male 1st XI Captain, Andrew Brock, explains: “We are unique as we are a mixed club – the cricket club is all one team, for both male and female. It just makes sense and it works so well.

We all get along and have some amazing socials.”

One of the highlights of the university cricketing calendar is their annual tour – a tour which in March of 2011 took the club to the sizzling heat and glorious sunshine of Barbados. As with the club itself, the tour was a mixed gender affair, and the teams played six games over ten days against a mixture of local club sides and school teams who were of a high standard.

“It was really good to go out there and play cricket on brilliant pitches and have an awesome trip,” 2nd XI Captain Ali Love enthuses. “To go out to a country that loves cricket and play there, as well as enjoying what was effectively a holiday, it just doesn’t get much better than that.”

Alongside the Barbados tour, the 2010-11 season as a whole was a successful one for the male 1st and 2nd XIs. The 1st XI were the Scottish University Indoor Cup winners and they also reached the semi-final of the Scottish Club Indoor Cup. In terms of outdoor cricket, however, they did even better and won the Scottish Universities League, although they did somewhat disappointedly lose in the first round of the BUCS (British Universities and Colleges Sport) Cup. Brock does not think that their success should peak there, however, and he believes that “the team is good enough to compete with anyone, and we should be looking at the semi-finals of the BUCS this season at the very least.

We have shown that we are the best in Scotland and we want to build on that and show that we can challenge all the

big teams in Britain.”

The 2nd XI has been equally as successful over the last couple of seasons.

After securing promotion last season by topping the Third Division, Love expects back-to-back promotions to be ensured this coming campaign. “We won the Conference Cup, with our 3rd team coming runners-up, and we won our league last season and we feel that if we can progress then another promotion is achievable. We want to be playing week-in, week-out with the top teams in Scotland.”

“

We are an extremely social club throughout the winter the social side really keeps us together" Andrew Brock, 1st XI Captain

On the female side of things, the team is made-up of Scotland youth internationals and county cricketers, as well as some total beginners. The majority of the team have never played before university but the more experienced players help to train and develop the new recruits. The club treasurer, Jamie Niven, considers the cricket club to be a “very sociable club who are always looking for novices to come and give our sport a try.”

University cricket at Edinburgh has taken a huge step forward over the last 12 months and it is no coincidence that at the start of last year the cricket team gained trial access to the Performance

Warbuton’s red ends Welsh dream

Gym at the CSE. Having achieved good attendance to the gym on a regular basis the team was, this year, granted full access once a week and they can only benefit from the use of these topclass facilities.

For any student out there who is potentially interested in joining the cricket club the captains and treasurer have just one message for you: “Do not hesitate!”

“We are an extremely social club – throughout winter the social side really keeps us together, and it’s always a great atmosphere on nights out and at training”, Brock explains. “The club is close-knit but also very welcoming.

Socials take place at least once every fortnight, and they always tend to end up in Potterow!”

Training for the team takes place on Thursdays at St. Leonard’s Land Games Halls in first semester, but in second semester training moves to the state-of-the-art National Cricket Academy just outside Edinburgh. The club has had a healthy intake of freshers for this year, but for anyone interested in joining then their email address is cricket@ed.ac.uk, and the Facebook page can be found under "Edinburgh University Cricket Club".

Although it may be stereotypically viewed as an English game, cricket is a burgeoning sport in Scotland. The Edinburgh University Cricket Club hopes it can take advantage of this growth in interest by gaining new recruits and progressing as a team. If last season’s results are anything to go by, then it is safe to say that cricket at Edinburgh University has a bright future.

Charles Cutteridge assesses the controversy surrounding France's World Cup semi-final victory A controversial decision saw France hold on for a 9-8 victory against a 14-man Welsh team who saw their captain Sam Warbuton red-carded for a dangerous tackle on French wing Vincent Clerc.

The stage was set for Wales to make history against an inconsistent French side when a bad tackle and a harsh red card killed the game dead after only twenty minutes. Was it a dangerous tackle? Certainly. Did it merit a red card?

Certainly not.

The lightweight French flyer was lifted by Warburton, yet the second he realized Clerc was off his feet he released him. The RFU clearly states that if a player lifts another off his feet in a tackle it is his responsibility to bring him down safely. Warburton did not do this, no, but there was no display of malice; he did not drive Clerc into the ground. To send

the Welsh captain off for something so clearly accidental was bewildering, especially from a referee as experienced as Alain Rolland (who has refereed in many major finals before).

“At best it was a yellow card, it was never a red card. It killed the game. In a world cup semi-final, with the world watching, you have all that technology at your disposal, why not make that decision with the video referee?” 1995 World cup winning South African Captain Francois Pienaar said during punditry, in an astonished tone.

Pienaar was not alone in disagreeing with the decision. The whole rugby world was up in arms, and Twitter exploded with people voicing their frustration at the decision.

“Yellow card, no one says another word. Sam Warburton wrongly sent off ”, was the view of Scotland scrum-half

Rory Lawson.

Doddie Weir, the ex-Scotland lock, tweeted: “Really gutted for Wales - never a red card.”

“

For the experienced Alain Rolland to send the Welsh captain off for something so clearly accidental was bewildering."

Even England wing Mark Cueto expressed his opinion with his followers by criticizing the referee (whom he clearly does not rate highly): “Rolland you’ve had a shocker, not for the first time either!”

Rolland is a highly experienced match referee. The Irishman has refereed Heineken Cup finals, but his crowning achievement came when he officiated the 2007 World Cup final in France, a match also marred by his controversial decision to disallow an England try. He is supposedly one of the very best referees in the world, but he made a terrible decision last Saturday that left the Welsh nation on its knees.

However, despite their numerical advantage, France were unable to turn the screw and put the game beyond reach. A darting run from the base of a ruck saw Mike Phillips go over for the only try of the game, and this kept Wales in touch as they piled pressure on the French tryline. The Welsh were bravery incarnate as they refused to let their disadvantage hold them back. A few opportunities arose to take the lead but a long-range kick from

Leigh Halfpenny fell heart-wrenchingly short before a sustained period of Welsh pressure failed to yield the drop goal that they desperately sought.

The French were disciplined, however, and did not concede a penalty in the closing stages. Cleverly tackling the Welsh forwards, but then fanning out in defence instead of attempting to counterruck, the French were able to cling on to victory as a Welsh knock-on gave them back possession and the boot of Morgan Parra kicked the ball dead, killing Welsh hopes along with it.

Such a shame the rugby public were denied the opportunity to see this match played out properly. It could have been one of the great rugby matches in the history of the World Cup. Unfortunately, this game will be remembered for all the wrong reasons – especially in the rugby circus that are the Welsh Valleys.